#even if it takes a huge mental load. it’ll be worth it in the long run bc I’ll have one less writing-related thing to cry about

[master-sass-blast]

Care and Trust: Chapter Two.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five -Chapter One

Summary: “--and he says to me ‘my birthday’s every year, dude,’” the shorter one --he’s got gentle green eyes and dark, wavy hair--laughs. “Like, if the bushel of lilyweed I caught him with wasn’t evidence enough--” He pauses when he sees you and Lin waiting, takes one look at your bag and table, then tries to book it. “Nope!”

The taller one grabs him by the shoulders. “Bolin, come on! It’ll be okay!”“Nope! I’m totally fi --agh!”

You wince sympathetically when the younger one cringes and jerks in pain, then step forward so you can get one arm behind him, then introduce yourself as you usher him into Lin’s office. “It’s nice to meet you, Bolin. Why not sit down for a minute, okay? Take a load off? Maybe” --you glance at Ryu-- “we could have a cup of tea?”

AKA you learn why you got called to Lin's office.

Pairing(s): Lin Beifong x Reader

Rating: T.

Word Count: 4.2k.

Also, a huge thank you to @chromecutie for beta reading this fic in addition to all the others in this series! I would not have had the confidence to post any of HTH if she hadn’t assured me that I was doing the characters justice.

Lin’s office is a real, proper office; go figure, she’s the Chief of Republic City’s entire police force. It’d be weird if she didn’t have a proper office.

It’s an expansive, long room, with wrought iron support beams and a dark, wood panelled ceiling. A desk sits in the center of the room, right across from double doors. There’s a leather chair that looks like it’s worth more than your apartment behind the desk, as well as one to the side of the desk (presumably for visitors or reporting officers).

There’s a small sitting area to the left of the doors. Two couches are positioned across from each other, with a metal coffee table in between. On the opposite wall is a wardrobe --you’re putting money on a second set of armor and some clean casual clothes, given the horror stories Lin’s told you about messy crime scenes.

Aside from a third couch tucked into the corner of the room --it looks luxuriously padded, and you’re also putting money on Lin sleeping on that couch during long haul shifts--and a vase to the right of the double doors, the rest of the room is entirely utilitarian. Filing cabinets, bookshelves, a few boxes with active case files in them.

It’s Lin to a tee. Thoroughly practical, borderline spartan, but what is there is more than you could afford in a lifetime.

You politely turn down Ryu’s offer of tea or coffee, then set your massage table and bag on the floor. You pace a short circuit back and forth, mentally filing through what you know about Lin and how her body bears out physical stress. Any injury is liable to have aggravated her hip, given the body’s tendency to compensate to avoid pain. Combine that with her scars and her left side’s propensity to knot up… she’ll probably need some stretching and healing work before I could even try to adjust her--

The doors open again --and in walks Lin Beifong.

You cross your arms over your chest and cock your head back. “Let me guess --you didn’t have time to see a healer earlier, and now it’s biting you in the ass.”

Lin’s eyebrows spike to her hairline. She blinks, then holds up her hand. “Whoa, no. I’m fine.”

“Cut the hippobullshit, Lin. Your personal secretary called me here--”

“It’s not for me,�� Lin interjects. She glances behind her, then closes the doors before continuing. “It’s… for one of the younger officers. Something of a situation.”

Your brows draw together as you frown. “If they’re seriously injured, they should go to the hospital--”

“No, no, it’s not like that. He was…” Lin grimaces as her voice trails off, “...advised to see someone like you after getting injured during the dock explosion debacle, but he’s… not comfortable with the thought of getting adjusted.”

“Oh.” You blink, wind going out of your sails as the panic ebbs. “And… your assistant called me…”

“I asked her to,” Lin clarifies. “I know I can trust you to handle this right.”

Something warm and heavy settles in your chest at the thought that Lin trusts you, especially with the well-being of someone that’s clearly important to her. You gulp hard and ignore the way your eyes are starting to sting. “Oh. Thanks.” 

The sound of footsteps and chatter outside Lin’s office draws both your attention.

Ryu opens the doors and lets two young men in --one shorter and stocky, the other taller, leaner.

“--and he says to me ‘my birthday’s every year, dude,’” the shorter one --he’s got gentle green eyes and dark, wavy hair--laughs. “Like, if the bushel of lilyweed I caught him with wasn’t evidence enough--” He pauses when he sees you and Lin waiting, takes one look at your bag and table, then tries to book it. “Nope!”

The taller one grabs him by the shoulders. “Bolin, come on! It’ll be okay!”

“Nope! I’m totally fi --agh!”

You wince sympathetically when the younger one cringes and jerks in pain, then step forward so you can get one arm behind him, then introduce yourself as you usher him into Lin’s office. “It’s nice to meet you, Bolin. Why not sit down for a minute, okay? Take a load off? Maybe” --you glance at Ryu-- “we could have a cup of tea?”

The assistant smiles knowingly, nods, then slips out of the room.

“Okay, sure,” Bolin concedes, still wincing. “But I promise, I’m totally fine.”

You hold up your hands and take a seat on the other side of the coffee table. “Understood.” You staunchly ignore the way your pulse spikes when Lin sits next to you --Spirits, the effect this woman has on you--and turn your attention to the other man. You introduce yourself and extend your hand.

He takes it --firm grip, but not painful. “I’m Mako.” He nods to the younger man. “I’m his brother.”

“Ah, wonderful.” You smile warmly at the brothers. “How long have you two been on the force?” 

***

It’s easy to get the boys talking --or, rather, it’s easy to get Bolin talking.

Mako’s a harder platypusbear egg to crack, but there are small things to pick up on; the way he frowns whenever Bolin winces in pain, for instance, tells you he’s genuinely concerned about his brother. He sits a little straighter whenever he looks over at Lin, but he’s not sweating or cowering in front of her, which you take to mean that he wants to impress her, to earn her approval.

He’s also watching you closely --which is fair, considering you likely scare his brother.

You meet his scrutiny with a relaxed, polite smile and do your best to convey ‘I’m here to help, please trust me,’ through your eyes and posture.

Bolin’s far more relaxed around Lin --almost remarkably so. He leans back against the couch as much as he comfortably can, and actually jokes with her (or tries to, but he doesn’t seem deterred whenever Lin doesn’t respond with more than a twitch of an eyebrow).

You also catch him looking towards Lin whenever he talks about an aspect of his job, a hopeful smile on his face, which then broadens every time she nods or confirms whatever he’s saying.

Honestly, it’s adorable.

(Lin’s also an interesting one to watch in all of this. She’s still as stoic as ever, but she doesn’t roll her eyes at Bolin’s lame jokes or talk down to Mako despite him being miles lower in rank than her. If anything, the air you’re getting from her is… warm. Almost maternal.

It’s wonderful to see.)

“I’ve been studying for the detective’s exam, though,” Bolin chirps with a bright smile. “Mako says I’m doing pretty good.”

You grin, then shoot a playful glance at Lin. “And your thoughts, Chief?”

Lin smirks and crosses her arms over her chest. “They’re both green --but, with time and training, they’ll be excellent members of the police force.”

There’s no missing the way both boys glow under Lin’s praise; Bolin outright beams, and while Mako’s more subtle, you still catch the small, pleased smile that flickers across his features.

You smile.

There’s a brief pause in the conversation when Ryu walks in with a tea set. She sets it on the coffee table between the two benches, then leaves with a nod when Lin waves her off.

You murmur a quiet “Thank you” when Lin fills your cup, then turn your attention back to Bolin. Time to try and make forward progress. “So, what happened to your neck?”

Bolin turns his head to look at you --and promptly winces. “What? What do you mean? How did you know?”

“You’re not the only detective,” you say with a wink. You smile when he chuckles, then gestures to his neck and head. “You’re compensating. You’re tilting your head to one side to avoid using the injured muscles. You probably didn’t even realize it.”

Bolin’s eyes widen. “Wait, seriously?” He tries to straighten his neck, then grimaces and lets out a yelp. “Ow!”

“Just leave it be for now,” you interject, holding one hand out to stop him. “You won’t be able to force it to straighten out on your own. Best leave it to the professionals.”

He offers you a weak smile. “And that’s you?”

You smile and nod. “That’s me. I’m a chiropractor and massage therapist; I specialize in scar tissue treatment and injury rehabilitation. Started my degree at Atege Medical University in the Northern Water Tribe, then finished it here at Republic City Medical University, and then I did my training here in Republic City at Kyoshi Rehabilitation Center. About… oh, five years ago, I moved to the Northern Moon Physical Therapy Facility.”

Mako raises one thick eyebrow in assessment. “So that’s… what, seven years?”

You snort. “Flattering, but no. Try closer to twelve. Medical school and residency takes a long time for chiropractors, too.” You spare a moment to watch Bolin --he’s paled since you’ve started talking about being a chiropractor, and the rest of his body’s gone tense--then try getting to the point once more. “What happened to your neck?”

He grimaces and rubs the side of his neck. “I was at the docks when the explosion went off. I didn’t get hit by the debris or anything, but the shockwave knocked a lot of us over.”

You nod along. “That makes sense. Considering how close you were, the shockwave might’ve been enough to throw something out of alignment.”

Bolin grimaces. He hesitates, then offers you a nervous smile. “Look, I appreciate you coming all the way out here, but I’m fine. I promise! I’ve had tons of injuries before --used to do competitive pro-bending, all that jazz. I know how to handle these kinds of things: a little heat, some stretching, and everything will clear up before too long.”

“Street beat’s a physically demanding job,” Lin interjects. She arches an eyebrow when Bolin opens his mouth, then continues when he closes it. “I can’t have you on the duty roster if you’re hobbled.”

“Not to mention that if something’s out of alignment, you could make it worse by stretching,” you add with a concerned frown. “And things are likely to get worse without treatment, too. I know this isn’t your favorite idea,” you say with a sympathetic smile, “but it really is best to handle things early before they become bigger problems down the road.”

“It’ll be okay,” Mako assures his younger brother. He puts one arm around Bolin’s shoulders. “Chief’s the one who called her in; she wouldn’t ask some quack.”

The corner of your mouth turns up at the commendation, but your mirth fades when you watch Bolin cover his face with shaking hands. You cock your head to the side, listening, then purse your lips when you hear a quiet sniffle. “What is it about adjustment that scares you so much?”

Bolin shrugs (and winces), then waves his hand dismissively with an unsteady smile. “Eh, it’s nothing. No big deal to let someone jerk around your neck like crazy; not like it’s gonna break or anything.” He grimaces, then ducks his head to hide the tears forming in his eyes. “That’d just be stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” you assure him. You duck your head so you can catch his gaze, then smile understandingly when he looks at you. “It’s not. Self-preservation is one of our most natural, baseline instincts. Besides, you’re hardly the first client to be scared of getting adjusted.”

Bolin straightens gingerly. “I’m not?”

You shake your head. “Not at all. I work with a lot of trauma patients; several of them have anxiety over being touched and adjusted. And I’ve had a lot of people ask me about snapping necks, believe it or not.”

Bolin turns his head to one side and assesses you warily. “And… what do you tell them?”

“The truth: I don’t use remotely enough force to snap a neck,” you say, “nor am I working at the right angles to cause a break. It’s not as easy as all the pulp fiction novels make it seem.” When Bolin doesn’t relax completely, you start mulling over other ideas to help convince him. Chances are he’s never been adjusted before, given how nervous he is, meaning he doesn’t have any previous experience to apply to what I’m saying. Short of letting him watch an adjustment-- You snap your fingers when a lightbulb turns on in your mind. “What if… what if you could watch me adjust someone else? That way, you’d be able to see that it’s perfectly safe.”

Bolin quirks his mouth to the side. “...I guess. It couldn’t hurt.”

You nod, then turn to Lin. “Would you be willing to let me adjust you, since you’ve already been through it all before?”

Lin nods without hesitation, then smirks. “I’m guessing I’ll need to take my armor off.”

“Well, since I’d rather adjust your back than crush my hand, yes,” you quip back. You shoot a reassuring smile at Bolin, then stand. “Let me set up my table.”

...

Bolin, for all his warmth and magnanimity, doesn’t coax along easily. It takes adjusting both Lin and Mako before he agrees to it (who has scarring in his left arm from a lightning injury that he got, according to him, while taking down Kuvira’s giant mechadroid less than half a year ago, and if you get a little too caught up in analyzing his injury and talking about treatment plans and Lin has to remind you --albeit subtly--that this is her office and she has work to do, well, it’s only a tribute to your commitment to your career.

Anyway.)

Between the three of you, though, you manage to get Bolin onto your massage table so you can start working on him.

He grunts as you dig into the muscles that run along his neck. “I know what you said about not using enough force, but it sounds like you’re breaking something.”

“I get it,” you laugh. “What you’re hearing, though, is the release of gas that builds up in the joints and tissue, plus the joints and ligaments being adjusted back into place.” You let up for a moment so you can reposition your thumbs, then press down again.  “Okay, deep breath in… and out… good; just like that.”

Some light examination and prodding with your waterbender had revealed the culprits: stuck rib heads in the upper back, a few misaligned vertebrae in the neck, and some very irritated and inflamed muscles. Painful, but easy to fix with the right treatment.

You curl your fingers, using your waterbending to knead the muscles in Bolin’s right shoulder. “Oh, come on… I know you’re not happy, but if you could please relax for me…”

Bolin groans when the muscle finally unkinks. “Oh, yeah, that’s the spot.”

“I bet,” you laugh. You bend the rest of the water back into your skein, then put some oil on his skin and start working the spot with your hands.

“Is it hard to work around injuries?” he asks, voice slightly muffled by the massage table’s headrest.

You make the grunt equivalent of a shrug. “It depends on the location and what state of healing it’s in. Sometimes, it means I can’t do a normal adjustment --or do one at all, really; some injuries or scars mean that moving the joints and ligaments around would cause further damage to the site. Other times, it’s a matter of waiting until everything’s healed, and then I can do normal adjustments again.”

“How can you tell which to do --oooh, right there.”

Your lips turn up in a small smile, and you keep working a tense, knotted muscle in his upper back. “The patient’s medical history tells me a lot. X-Ray imaging helps, too, if there is any --and I can usually get a good feel for what’s wrong with my waterbending.” You keep going until the muscle releases, then pat Bolin’s shoulder. “Okay, I think you’re ready for adjustment.”

As expected, he tenses. His neck works as he gulps, and when he speaks again, his voice comes out high-pitched and thready. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t try if I didn’t think you’d adjust properly.” When Bolin doesn’t respond --or move--you kneel down so you can see his face through the hole in the head of the massage table. “Hey. It’s going to be okay. We’ll take this nice and slow, alright? I’ll tell you everything I’m going to do before I do it.”

Bolin nods, gulps again, then flips onto his back.

“I need you to sit up so I can put the adjustment board under your back.” You slip the board into place, then put a pillow under his head before having him shift lower on the table. “Okay, good. I’ll adjust your middle and upper back first, like I did on Lin. You might feel some discomfort in your upper back because of how the rib heads are stuck, alright?”

Bolin nods, then offers you a feeble smile. “You’re sure I’m not too heavy for you?”

You wink. “I’m stronger than I look. Whenever you’re ready, cross your arms over your chest.” Once he does what you ask, you adjust his arms so they’re in the right position. “Okay, curl your chin down against your chest… good. Alright, it’s gonna be just like how you saw on Lin. I’m gonna help lift you up, I’ll put my hand under your back, and then I’ll lay you down so I can adjust your back. Sound good?”

Bolin clenches his jaw, but meets your gaze and nods minutely.

“Alright. You ready?” When he nods again, you do exactly as you said you would --help Bolin curl upwards, put your hand under his back, against the board, then adjust the position of your arm around his shoulders. “Alright, deep breath in… and out.”

The series of adjustments up his spine go without a hitch. You grin down at Bolin after the last adjustment and congratulate him for doing so well. “You took that like a champ!”

Bolin blinks, startled, then smiles. “Eh, I’ve been told I’m a quick learner.”

“Oh, you’re an absolute natural.” You grin when he chuckles, then step towards the head of the table. “I’ll give you a minute before I do anything else, but is it okay if I feel around your neck to see where the tension is?”

Bolin pales. His eyes go misty, but he nods regardless.

You murmur a quiet “thank you,” then put one hand on each side of his neck and start prodding at the muscles. “Well, it’s better after the massage work and the adjustment.” You rub your thumb against his trapezius muscle, then grimace when it refuses to relax for you. “Actually…” You take your hands off his neck and rifle through your bag. “I think I’m going to use an activator on your neck, if you’re comfortable with that.”

“What’s that?” Bolin asks, voice fraught with panic.

You hold the device up for him to see. “I use it to tap the side of your neck; it helps loosen up your joints so that when I adjust you, we get you back to your full range of motion.” You fire the device so he can see, and your stomach sinks when you see tears well up in his eyes. “I can use it on your forearm, if you want, soyou can feel how hard it’s going to be.”

Bolin swallows hard, then nods. He holds his arm up --then blinks when you press the tip of the activator against his arm and fire it. “Oh. I thought it’d be a lot stronger than that.”

“Tui and La, no,” you say with a laugh. “The neck’s a delicate instrument; I’m not trying to make things worse for you.”

Bolin smiles shakily, but it slips back to a frown after a few seconds. “Is… Will it hurt?”

“I’ve never had a patient complain before,” you say, sincere. “I’d be stunned if you felt any pain whatsoever from this.” You smile reassuringly when he gives you a questioning look, then place the tip of the activator against his neck when he nods. “Alright. I’m going to tap you a few times on each side of the neck, then I’ll take another feel at what your joints and muscles are doing. Okay?”

“Can you… give me a minute?”

“Of course.” You pull the activator away from his neck, then place a hand on his shoulder when he inhales shakily. “Hey, deep breaths. You’re gonna be fine. I promise.” After a moment he nods again, and you press the activator back against his neck and fire it.

“...It kind of tickles.”

You let out a huff of laughter. “That’s a new one.” You finish working on both sides of his neck, then tuck the device back in your bag before putting your hands on his neck once more. “Alright, right now I’m just going to stretch your muscles some more and get your head into position, okay?”

Bolin clenches his fists at his side. “Could you --do you think you could give me a countdown before you, y’know, do it?”

“Uh…” You purse your lips, then shake your head. “I don’t think so, no. I don’t want you tensing right as I try to adjust you; you’re liable to get hurt that way.”

“It’ll be okay, kid,” Lin says when Bolin lets out a shaky breath. “I wouldn’t have called her if she wasn’t the best.”

You duck your head to hide a shy smile, then try to focus past the warm glow spreading through your chest. “Okay, Bolin. Deep breath; in through the nose, out through the mouth… good, just like that.” You slowly turn his neck, angling his head until you feel the right resistance. “Tilt your chin up; I’m gonna stretch your neck a little.” You tug gently until the muscles loosen, then surreptitiously keep working him to the proper angle. “Good… just stretching… feeling everything out…” You adjust the position of your hands on his neck. “Another deep breath in, then let it all out.” You wait for him to exhale --for his shoulders to relax--then jerk his head to the side.

Bolin grunts, then shoots you a wide eyed look. “You said you were just stretching me?”

You smile apologetically. “I needed to make sure you were relaxed. Makes things better for both you and me. Did you feel any pain?”

“No,” Bolin says after a moment of consideration. “It felt… pretty good, actually.”

“Good!” You start massaging the other side of his neck. “You think you’re still alive?”

He chuckles. “Pretty sure I’m still breathing, yeah.”

“Good stuff,” you joke right back. “Means less malpractice suits for me.” You grin when he laughs, then start stretching the other side of his neck. “Let’s do this side, and then I’ll do your lower back and get you back to work.”

***

“Sorry that took so long.”

Lin waves a hand at your apology. “It’s fine. I figured the kid would take a while to calm down enough for an adjustment.” She offers you a small smile. “Thanks for making the trip up here.”

“Of course.” You resume packing up your things, then let out a quiet laugh. “Honestly, I’m just glad it wasn’t you that needed an adjustment. I damn near had a heart attack when the receptionist told me your assistant called.”

“I told you I was fine.”

You shoot Lin a flat, unimpressed stare. “Right, because you’re the type to always consider the limits and needs of your physical well being.” You roll your eyes when she merely arches an eyebrow at you, then zip the carrying case for your collapsible table shut. “How does the department handle billing?”

“Send the bill to my assistant,” Lin answers, writing down the proper mailing address on a slip of paper before handing it over to you. “She’ll file it with the department’s insurance company. The department will pay out the rest.”

You nod and reach out to take the paper--

Lin holds it back. “Write the bill for all three adjustments. Clear?”

You smirk and pluck the paper out of her fingers. “Pay me more. Fine by me.” You grin when she rolls her eyes, then cast your gaze down to her desk.

It’s a nice desk. Solid, polished wood, with engravings and etchings of Earth Kingdom style patterns.

Unbidden, images of Lin fucking you on her desk --bending you over it, laying you out on your back, sitting in her chair while you bury your face between her legs--flood your name.

Lin either picks up on the spike in your pulse, or maybe she knows your facial expressions well enough to know when you’re horny. Either way, she smirks up at you. “Problem?”

“No…” You absently trace your fingers along the edge of her desk, then shoot her an impish smile before grabbing your things. “Call me when you have a free night.”

You can hear Lin chuckle behind you as you walk out of her office.

[mimizepp]

may i please request risotto with a gf whos kinda short (im like 5'5 lmao) and chubby? and she dresses all punk/goth but shes really just into cutesy stuff and her room is filled with plushies and other cute things? srry this is really specific aksjfh

okay risotto would defo have a gf of this exact description at least once in his life. TY FOR THE REQUEST I LOVED WRITING THIS!!! enjoy some fluff + nsfw!

risotto x short chubby goth gf hcs

fluff

- when risotto first saw his gf he loved her dark and slightly alternative aesthetic and was immediately drawn to her (because duh)

- tbh he was a little nervous to approach because she was so damn pretty but he did his best to do it in classic risotto fashion (aka pull a sexy pose speak lowly and stare her down til she responds)

- soon enough he found out that she loves all things cutesy??? he almost immediately fell for her. hard.

- he asked melone about compatiability stuff and dating advice but got really confused

- for their first date he brought gf to the sweetest little cafe and gifted her some delicate pink flowers (he was only a tad embarassed when holding them but gf’s smile made it all worth it)

- he was surprised at how well he and gf connected and it only took a little while for him to become a bit more vulnerable and soften up

- when he first saw gf’s living space he thought it was absolutely adorable and felt strangely cozy (met with la squadra the next day and had to ask them where to find a shop that sold similar stuff) 

- whenever gf reaches her arms up and asks for a kiss or a hug.. he MELTS

- risotto loooves having to bend down to hug gf because of their near-drastic height difference + will eventually tease her about it

- after being together for a while he will often sweep gf off her feet and pepper her in kisses until she’s a giggling mess, only at home of course

- btw ris blushes every time he holds gf because he just loves her so much (wants to be teased about it.. just a lil bit)

- likes randomly surprising gf with mini rilakkuma plushies just so he can see her face light up (also ris reaaaally fucking loves rilakkuma)

- loves when gf runs her hands through his hair (especially when they’re watching tv or cuddled up together late at night)

- will ALWAYS lean into gf’s touch even if they’re out in public.. he can’t help himself (if they’re ever with any la squadra guys it takes everything in him to resist)

- as expected, the guys notice right away and will be quick to very cautiously poke fun

- buys gf sooo many pairs of platform demonias and dr martens (also special orders some for his huge ass self just for fun)

- will also purchase pieces of clothing or cute decor he thinks gf would like just because

- doesn’t say ‘i love you’ too often because he knows if he says it once it’ll just keep coming out 

- when relaxing on his days off, ris always wants to cuddle gf no matter what time of day but hopes that she initiates it

- pls he just wants to hold her and fall asleep to her gentle heartbeat 

- if gf ever wants to try and be his ‘big spoon’ he gets a tiny bit awkward and it’s adorable

- holding / playing with gf’s hands is his fav because they’re so much smaller than his

- feels most at peace when laying his head on gfs thighs or tummy and softly speaking through work stress and anxiety.. again as she plays with his hair (will not talk about his mental health with anyone but gf)

nsfw !

- ris is never more vocal than he is in the bedroom (or wherever else he decides to fuck gf) and speaks in low seductive half-whispers

- size kink

- ‘will i even fit?’

- teases gf until she’s begging him to fuck her (which she may end up regretting tbh)

- ‘i hope you’re ready for me, cara mia..’

- will say ‘fuck, you might be too tight.’ and then slide in right up to the hilt, just to make gf dig her nails into his back and scream in a mess of pain and pleasure

- will be a little gentle the first few times he and gf have sex because his dick is obviously huge and he kinda loves having to keep a slow pace because it’s romantic

- buuut won’t wait very long to go all in and pound the shit out of gf while asking how it feels

- ‘does it hurt when i fuck you like this?’

- ‘it’s cute, seeing you so helpless...’

- would do anything to cum inside gf but also loves finishing on her chest

- if gf is comfortable with it there will defo be loads of choking

- likes when gf gets a little bratty so he can punish her (bending her over his knee and spanking / having her blindfolded on all fours on the bed so he can tease her a bit)

- loves making gf cry during sex, whether that be through absolutely tearing her apart or edging her for far too long

- he will always let gf finish though don’t worry

- loves how she tastes + is AMAZING at oral. he could make gf finish in under a minute but would never let the excitement end so fast

- safe to say it’s canon that whoever risotto fucks won’t be able to walk very well for the next few days

- likes when gf wants to top but will only ever see her attempts at domming as cute

- aftercare is key and he will get gf absolutely anything she needs + will have a cute ass plushie that doubles as a heating pad ready to go :’)

[marueonmain]

Hope-Filled ~ WillNE

Summary: Will confirms his suspicions about Y/N’s well-being though he is not altogether prepared for what that entails.

Pairing: willne x reader

Warning: !!DO NOT IGNORE!! MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM MENTION AND SCARS

Word Count: 1.3k

Maintaining a long-distance relationship is complicated; maintaining a long-distance relationship during lockdown felt near impossible. However, Will was too determined and too lovesick to let his relationship with Y/N fail because of a pandemic.

Alongside their usual lengthy phone conversations, video-chat dates, and good morning/night texts, Will also made a point to have small gifts sent to Y/N twice a month or so. Anything open and available to be delivered, even if it was just a deliveroo order from her local corner shop.

Lockdown was a difficult time for everyone, and if Will could make it the slightest bit happier for his beloved girlfriend, he would do so.

He would also claim the small gifts were unrelated to him asking Y/N to be in more of his videos. With everyone inside, his views were going up and up, but he knew a couple of ‘ft. my girlfriend’ in the titles would seal the deal for loads of new subscribers. Y/N was a good sport and played along via discord.

As soon as it was confirmed that lockdown was being lifted, Will made plans for Y/N to spend the weekend in London. He heard that adorable smile of hers in her voice as she agreed to come.

It was Saturday. Will was having trouble focusing on the beautiful woman snuggled up in his arms with her legs tangled with his. Nor could he concentrate on the film his laptop set up near them was playing. No. His mind was elsewhere – not that that was terribly unusual – thinking about one thing in particular: a thirteen-word (give or take) comment left under his most recent video.

pouch_of_music – 11 minutes ago “why does Y/N seem so nervous?? she pulls at her sleeves at 1:15 3:22 5:01 8:13 9:43 AND 9:59”

Will had not noticed Y/N being nervous in the video. She sounded the same to him as she always had. Maybe it was odd she was wearing a hoodie when it was in the mid-to-high twenties all week but it was not that unusual – right?

Looking down at her, Will did not think she looked different or acted differently. She was Y/N. In a hoodie. Pushing the sleeves down every time she shifted positions. Or else he could see red marks on her arms. Huh.

He watched her another moment. Sure enough, several open-ended oval marks were peeking out under her cuffs. Will’s eyes fluttered to Y/N’s face and her hair. She had two barrettes pulling her hair back, but beyond keeping it out of her face, their designs were chosen to match her outfit.

“What are you looking at?” she giggled, smiling at him.

Without a word, he reached for her hair and snatched a barrette, then in almost a single swooping motion pinned the accessory to the exposed skin of her wrist.

Perfectly matching the shapes – matching the burn marks.

“These are—”

“I can explain.” Y/N interrupted him. Skin of her cheeks flushed pale, and her eyes were blown huge. Fright was an expression that made her near unrecognizable. Taking her wrist from out of his hold, she cradled it close to her chest, knowingly or not, making herself as small as possible in the space.

“You made those, didn’t you?” Will could not muster a calm voice, sounding on the brink of tears as he begged, “I don’t understand. Y/N, you got to talk to me.”

“You weren’t meant to—I was going to tell you. I promise.”

Sitting up, Will let his eyes fall to his lap a moment before returning to Y/N. Lips pulled inward; he gave a gentle shake of his head. “No, you weren’t.”

“What?”

“It’s like…” he trailed off. Will knew what he wanted to tell her, but he was scared he might not choose the right words. He spoke slower, considering each one, “Thinking to hurt yourself, that does not come from you, that comes from an illness. And all illnesses want to do is take from us. Humans are social, so one of the first things mental illness is going to claim is that: our ability to reach out and find support.”

Y/N squirmed as he spoke and moved as far as possible from him while still being sat on the bed. She rubbed her wrist; she might have even been shaking. Y/N ducked her head to avoid Will’s intense gaze, and managed to squeak out a pitiful, “I don’t understand.”

“Illness. It’s going to tell us that it’s a sign of weakness to lean on people who are our friends, our family, but that’s not true.” Bold and crashing into each other, his words resonated with passion as his fever-pitched. There was a genuine belief in and conviction to what he was saying, “It’s lying! It’s lying to keep us from reclaiming what we need to survive. You see that Y/N, don’t you?”

A sob racked through her as she collapsed into him. As she could not be far enough from him seconds before, she now could not be closer. Y/N cried in a voice inconsistent in volume, switching between muffled through tears and not, “I’m sorry, Will. I don’t like that I do it. I don’t want to do it. I just—I’m a mess. Nothing is working, and I’m so tired of being tired! Like I’m on the brink, and I can’t do it anymore – I can’t handle it, but I have to because it doesn’t stop. It never stops.”

Will held onto her tight like if he relaxed his grip a single centimetre she would be lost to him. Swallowing his own distress, he spoke with a softer voice than he knew himself to ever possess, “What if you’re a mess? It doesn’t matter. I’m a mess. You think everyone is walking around knowing what they’re doing all the time? No. Nobody knows what’s going on. Not really. Hurting yourself more, it—it isn’t the answer.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. It’ll be ok. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it now.” Will felt Y/N shake her head against his chest. He placed a quick kiss to her hair before continuing, “It’ll get better gradually – without you really knowing. Until you know, you know? Like you’re lying in bed with the flu for three days, and on the fourth, you wake up realizing you’re not so sick anymore. You were getting better the whole time you just didn’t notice.”

Y/N pulled back, worry shining in her gleaming wet eyes. Red had crawled up her neck; it was painted across her cheekbones and nose. As she drew back, Will unwrapped his arms and moved his hands to her shoulders. He rubbed them up and down, continuing, “Nobody wakes up without the flu and misses having the flu. It wasn’t a part of them as a person – never was.”

“You can help me, right?” she mumbled the words into a jumble, “You’re going to help me?”

“Y/N. You are worth everything to me. I’ll do everything you need me to.”

“I don’t know what that is.” Y/N took Will’s hands from her shoulders and held them in her own. It was him, and that is the push she needed to start moving, start getting herself out from under it all.

“Me neither.” Will could not help the small smile that took his lips. “We can figure it out. We’ll schedule something – a doctor maybe or if that’s too scary right now, a therapist, or both?”

“Therapist?”

“No matter how much I want to, I can’t—I’m not equipped to—”

“I understand.” Y/N interrupted. “I’m scared, but I understand. Thank you.”

Will and Y/N shared a tender, hope-filled kiss that sealed an unspoken promise between them.

Crisis Text Line Text HOME to 85258 (UK) or to 741741 (USA and Canada) Emotional Support Helplines UK: 0170 876 5200 USA: 1-800-273-8255 Canada: 310.6789 (no area code needed)

[slater-later]

Clarence x Reader Flirt at the Bar

Audience: General

Warnings: None, flirting

Notes: At Y/N, insert your own name, pronouns, and preferred complimentary words. That way, Clarence uses what you like!

Read below the cuff!

For: @da3m0ns-exe

The two of you had met at an Irish pub a few blocks down the street. Dimly lit under the cheap green ‘chandeliers’, at least, they were trying to be, hanging over a narrow line of booths. A green shamrock sign buzzing in the corner window, listing O’ Conners next to the four leafed sign buzzing beside it.

It was a fine dump, gritty and warm and thick with cigarette smoke. A few old geezers sat at the bar, buzzing back large thick dark beers as they chatted in Greek. It was Detroit after all, and everyone was welcome. The D brought everyone together. And if you had a few bucks to spare, it would make your night worth while. The jukebox buzzed in the corner, firmly set from the 70’s and stacked high with classic 45’s. A quarter would get you two songs, and it would flip through the rest. Buzzing Marvin Gaye’s Through the Grape Vine through the open speakers. There were a few TV’s in the corner of the bar, one showing a Tigers baseball game and the other the racetrack. A chestnut filly bending over the corner and splitting from the pack. Her jockey lit a firecracker from out under her behind as he rode her to the front, cracking his crop as they crossed the finish line. Taking home 50k- something a brod in the corner was upset by. Throwing her hands up as she watched, swearing! Because she had bet the bar that #5 would win. California Folly, the chestnut mare, bit her for the win, and she slapped up her cash to the house. Her buddy chuckled to himself at her anger. The bartender greedily took her cash, smirking, as he slipped it into the cash register. He changed the chalk boards odds for the next race. A commercial flashed across the screen.

It was a bettin’ bar, and it was a Friday night. That meant, the race tracks were on. They even caught the signal from the tracks out West. Meaning people could get drunk and lose their money all night long. At least, far enough into the night to be firmly fucked by 10, and either pissed from losing their money or giddy because they made a decent buck. Either way, it meant the crowd pounded back drinks. The bar took home a load whether it was packed full or filled with crickets. 

Clarence was seated up at the bar, his army jacket slipped off and hanging on his chair. He slowly leafed through his comic, head buried deep in his book. He slowly drank, the rum and coke sitting at the edge of his lips, relaxed and quiet after a long day at work. 

He had closed up shop and came in for dinner, a burger and fries, and read the newest edition of Deadpool in his freetime. He actually had a small stack of them next to them. He had cashed his check and sorted the freshly delivered boxes before he locked up. Making a mental note to pay the old man in the morning- he would stuff the bills in the register tomorrow morning.

The new stuff sold fast, and that was exactly why he needed to make his pick before it hit the shelves. He had to be strategic! Take advantage of the perks of running the store!

You slid into the stool a few spots down, gesturing over to the bartender as he made his way over. He was built, wearing a plain black shirt that hung over his body. A gold chain that hung from his neck. He looked kind and quiet, gentle. He had worked there for several years.

“Whatcha’ having?”

  “Pabst,” You nodded, popping out your wallet.

“Pint or pitcher?”

“Pint.”

“Alright, but they’re $7 until 11.” He collected your cash and made his way up the bar, pouring your drink.

Clarence’s nose was in the comic, one hand holding the bridge of it while the other slowly set down the beer. Reaching out for a fry and mindlessly dabbing it into ketchup before it crawled to his mouth. Slowly inching closer. 

His long and shabby fry broke off, falling into his lap and getting on his jeans. You couldn’t help but to laugh. “You okay over there bud?” The bartender handed you your beer, curling in the glass as you took a sip. The foam made a fine mustache on your upper lip.

“Jesus!” He bit, pissed. He had just gotten to a good spot- he fucking didn’t want to stop! “I don’t know man.” He shook his head, nabbing a handful of napkins out of the dispenser and cleaning his lap. 

He finally looked up as you set down your glass. Catching the side of your face- “I ain’t pulin’ your chain, but ya got somethin’ on your face,” He grabbed another handful, passing it over. “A lil’ on here,'' He rubbed his upper lip, brushing his faint five o’ clock shadow.

You grabbed a napkin from him, quickly wiping it away before you got too embarrassed. Shit happens. “Thanks,” You muttered with a smile, softly laughing. Folding it afterwards and placing it under your glass. 

He nodded, reaching for his comic again. 

You were in a good mood and company always made it better. You had the urge to chat, he was attractive, after all. “So, whatcha readin’?”

He looked over, eyebrows raised. “It’s uh, Deadpool. Issue #7,” He put his thumb on the page and flopped it over to the front. Reaching out his arm to show you the cover. “It’ll hit the shelves tomorrow.”

“How’d you get your hands on that?”

“Oh,” He flashed a guilty smile. Caught. “I work at the comic book store down the street, this is next week's issue,” The cover showed Deadpool stepping forward, gun in hand, his red and black latex suite dressed with a heavy white jeweled overcoat and flashing plants. He was wearing the iconic Evil Presley suit, black wig and sunglasses and all. Finger-pointing at a very unpleasant Cable, probably cursing Wade for being alive. Or was it that he can’t die?

“It’s the new Deadpool and Cable issue. It’s a new series they’re doing, do you wanna look?” He offered it and you happily accepted. Taking your time as you flipped through the pages, reading the inside insert. The introduction.

He rattled on, “It’s not as good as some of his other series but then I saw the front cover. I wanted to grab it before we ran out. I’m a big Elvis fan,” He smiled softly. Watching you read.

“Oh?” You peered up, raising an eyebrow. A hook- Elvis wasn’t exactly your man, but it didn’t deter you. “Is he your favorite?”

He beamed as he sipped his glass, nodding as the glass left his lips, setting it down on the wet napkin. “Favorite? It doesn’t begin to describe how much I love that man,” He could rattle on for forever. Even blab again about how much he wanted to fuck Elvis. But, usually, that wasn’t the most widely loved small talk conversation? He was better off tabling that conversation for a later time. Unless he wanted to blow his chance when flirting with a hot person. A man needed to get lucky sometimes, alright? Sheesh, he didn’t think some bisexuality was a bad thing. Isn’t that, a, you know? A sexual fantasy for some folks?

He drilled a finger into the side of his temple, elbow up on the bar as he watched you. How your feet shifted in your sift as you curled up closer to him, leaning in, tenderly turning the page of a secretly, newly loved comic. Mashing up the two things that made him bounce up and down with pure excitement. He was delighted.

“I’m a huge fan, I’ve always been since I was a kid. My dad used to listen to him while I was growing up, and I’ve had the itch ever since. He changed rock n’ roll forever, for the better,” He would watch old tapes of his dancing and performing on stage, having become familiar and comforting to his body. It was something he could return to, regardless of how he felt, and know he felt comfort in.

That, and watching him dance up on stage was light lightening. A friend and a lover.

“What’s your favorite song?” You smirked, flipping a page. You were more interested in his eyes than the panel. Wondering if he had caught on. 

He slid from his seat to the one next to you, dragging his beer along with him. The bartender snapped up his long forgotten dinner. Wiping down the table. “Do you mind?” He gestured to the seat, checking in.

“No,” You shook your head smiling, your delight so easy to read. “Not at all,” You swore you could feel your heart skip a beat. Your body felt fresh, warmed by the flash of heat spreading through your cheeks. You hoped another drink of your beer would help, at least to calm the giddy building up inside of you.

You would cut yourself off at two beers. At the rate of your drinking, you’d been in the hole after three. Too drunk to drive and by the soft patter of the rain outside, you didn’t want to be stuck in the rain. Trying to wave down a cab as it poured, head buzzed and tired, ready to flop down in your bed and forced to make it back. Getting fucked up was fun, but getting home could be a challenge.

  The thought already sounded miserable. You’d much rather be here, with the jukebox, under the warm hum of the bear and its speakers. It switched over to You’ll Never Find Another Love Like Mine by Lou Rawls. 

“Good,” He smiled with a surprising amount of soft charm. Voice low as his pinky mused with his lip, eyes slow as they took in your body. 

He had to look away. 

FUCK! It wasn’t polite to do that shit, he was either going to get a drink thrown in his face again or something!

He kept his eyes up at the bar, tongue flashing across his teeth as he chuckled to his mind. He could be so fucking stupid! This Y/N was going to beat him. 

He fisted for his cigs in his flannel pocket, offering you one.

Okay, this guy was an idiot, but a cute one.

“Thanks,” You took a cig and slipped it between the side of your lips. Grabbing  your lighter in your coat pocket, prepared as a common smoker should. You lit both of your cigarettes.

“So, you didn’t answer my question,” You shot, releasing a draw downward. 

He snapped it out of his mouth, square in hand as he shook his head awake. “Shit, what was it again?” He laughed, he was losing his head around you. You sucked all the smarts out of his brain.

You elbowed him lightly, amused. “What’s your favorite Elvis song?”

He paused for a moment, getting his mind in gear. Quickly shuffling the different songs on his head- “Hound Dog, and then Blue Suede Shoes, and All Shook Up,” It was the fast, catchy beats of Elvis’s drawl that got him. The electricity that he exuded, that made him want to dance and grab the hand of a friend, a stranger, even an old person! 

It made him want to boogie to the music.

You snickered, he hit right on the money. Damn, this guy had taste. Of the few you knew well, those were it. “Where does Jailhouse Rock rank?”

“8th,” He said clear as day, pointent. It was clearly not his favorite, but a hot contender. He had, in fact, listened to every single god damn song Elvis had published. Including the Hawaiian soundtrack album, which was a partial wash. He thought Elvis was at best when he was shaking it for a crowd, not trying to play at movie making. Yet, it hadn’t stopped him from consuming them all. “I paused not because I didn’t have a top three, but because…” Shit, he got himself in a hole? Wasn’t he playing the ‘cool guy’ really well?

“Because?” You flicked into the ashtray, bringing your arm in for a draw. Raising your eyebrows at him as you drew, feeling the air.

“Because I was thinking about you,” He slipped both elbows on the bar, facing forward towards the line of liquor and head turned towards you. Smirk painted on his lips, shameless in his expression, “You’re very Y/N.” He smiled, eyes stilling on you as they peered into yours eyes, then passed down your shoulder. “And I don’t normally get to talk to a Y/N like you.” Usually, they either weren’t interested in talking about comics and Elvis. So, what was there to talk about? Stupid small talk they he didn’t know much about? It was much harder, trying to find a Y/N with similar interests.

Your face felt warm again. You finished off the rest of your drink. Quenching your fuzzy head with the sharp inhale of nicotine, trying to peel the flush off of your cheeks. You couldn’t hide it- his soft pink lips looked beautiful when they moved. Especially when they were saying such sweet words.

You slicked a hand across your face, hiding the bite of your red cheeks, “How about we get a booth in the corner? And you tell me a bit more about yourself?” It seemed like a good idea. And it would give you a moment, to collect yourself, before continuing your chat.

You raised a hand to the bartender. He turned and you held up two fingers. A pint for you each. 

“Hmph!” His spiky eyebrows peaked up, elated. “Sounds good to me!” He snickered, collecting his stack of comics and waiting for the drinks to come. You two stepped to the back to back of the bar, sliding in next to each other at the dark spot in the room. A place, where neither of you would be bothered. Holed up, until the bar closes, chatting about sweet nothing while you got to know each other. Maybe get, caught in the rain together, under his umbrella. Before turning in, to his apartment. 

It was, in fact, closer than your apartment.

[caretaker-au]

Kindness & Justice: Backstory

The two adolescent girls huddled around a small campfire in the twilight, trying to finish their dinner before nightfall. The tall cook poured the remains of pancake batter into the cast iron pan, mentally crossing her fingers that this one wouldn’t stick as bad as the previous one did. 

“This is the last one,” the cook said, “You want it?”

“No, that one is all yours,” her friend answered between mouthfuls. She didn’t have a fork, so she had rolled up the pancake like a burrito. At some point, her black cowboy hat had fallen off her head and hung against her back by the drawstring. It was her latest attempt at bringing Western wear back into vogue. “I shouldn’t have teased you for packing all that kitchen stuff. This turned out way better than I expected.”

“Worth it?” the cook asked with a grin.

“Worth it,” the shorter girl smiled. She finished off her food and stretched, moving her hat so she could lay down by the fire. The pink-streaked clouds floated overhead. It was warm enough that the fire was a little bit uncomfortable, but it didn’t seem right to lay anywhere else.

“So…” the cowgirl ventured, “You ready to talk about what happened with your folks?”

“Ugh, not really,” she answered, prodding at the batter with the spatula, “But, after working so hard to cheer me up, I suppose you’ve earned the right to know... Mom and Dad cornered me about their suspicions, and I told them the truth about us. Well, not about us, exactly, I left you out of it. I told them about me.”

“I’m guessing they didn’t take it too well.”

“I mean, they took it about as well as expected. Shouting, some crying, the whole works. Kept saying it was their fault, but that didn’t stop them from blaming me anyway.” The cook glanced at her friend, and saw her scowling. “It really wasn’t that bad though,” she added, “I mean, it could have been a lot worse, I’m pretty lucky, when you think about it.”

“Are you kidding me?” she sat up, her face incredulous, “Your parents are the lucky ones for having a daughter like you! They don’t deserve you, and you don’t deserve to be treated like a mistake. The unfairness of it all, it just--” she clenched the fabric of her skirt, stumbling over her words, “Once we get back to the city, I’m going to give them a piece of my mind.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t…” the tall girl said, her voice falling low, “I know it’s not your style, but I want you to try to be nice to them.” The cowgirl rolled her eyes, so she continued with a bit of forced smile, “Not for them but for me, okay?”

The short friend sighed, “Okay, for you. Is that thing done cooking yet?”

In response, the cook jerked the pan, masterfully flipping the pancake over. One side was a perfect golden brown. “Just a little bit longer now.”

The cowgirl sat up, surveying the campsite. The two of them had never been camping before, and the hike had been much harder than either of them had anticipated. It didn’t help that they had over-packed and had to cut their climb a bit short as a result. Nonetheless, the clear warm night and birds chirping in the trees made the escape feel almost as magical as the girls had hoped for. A quiet sanctuary where no people would be around: well, most likely no people, that is. 

“Hey, speaking of miserable family members,” the short girl ventured, “Did I ever tell you about the skeleton in my family’s closet?”

“This better not be one of your weird scary horror stories.”

“It sure is!” she answered. The cowgirl jumped to her feet, clearing her voice in preparation for the tale, “Listen to this: when my grandpa was a little kid, his brother tried to murder him.”

“How very ‘Cain and Abel’,” the cook smirked, “You can’t just start there. Start at the beginning of the story. What lead up to it?”

“That’s just it, no one really knows. Everyone says he just snapped and went crazy when the two of them were home alone. Grandpa was just happily playing video games at the time, so maybe his brother wanted a turn.”

“That… doesn’t seem like a very compelling motive,” the cook said, checking the underside of her pancake, “Are you sure your grandpa’s not exaggerating?”

“It’s the truth!” the cowgirl insisted, “His brother attacked him and cracked his head against the coffee table. They found gramps in a puddle of blood in the living room, and he had to be rushed to the hospital and got six stitches! But I still haven’t gotten to the best part.” The girl paused for dramatic effect.

“Best or worst?” the cook lifted the whole pancake with her spatula and tested a small bite on the edge. It was still too hot to eat.

“The best part is…” the cowgirl swept her arm towards the dimly lit forest around them, “His brother fled to this very mountain. And he was never found again.”

“What?” the girl dropped her pancake on the ground. She quickly snapped it up and set it back in the pan. Dirt and ash was stuck to it.

“Five second rule,” the cowgirl murmured. 

“Did you just say your grandpa--”

“Great uncle.”

“--your great uncle ran away to this mountain and died?”

“Disappeared. Maybe he still roams this mountain, searching for more innocent children to send to their graves…” The short girl’s voice was dramatic, but her eyes were dancing with mischief.

“Are you kidding me, that’s so creepy! And to think coming here was your idea! Was this all a set up to scare me?” The cook crossed her arms, but her friend just laughed.

“No, no! To be honest, I didn’t realize this particular trail was a part of The Mount Ebott until we were on our way.”

“A likely story,” the cook murmured as she nibbled the edge of her pancake.

“It’ll be fine, really. Oh, I know--I have something to protect you from any undead uncles. Check this out!” the cowgirl skipped towards their yellow tent and unzipped her backpack that was laying in front of it. She withdrew a long leather holster, with a revolver already tucked inside it.

The tall girl’s jaw dropped open, “You brought your dad’s gun?!”

“Maybe,” she giggled, strapping the holster around her waist, “It will be my gun in a few years, I’m just borrowing it a little early.”

“Do you even know how to use one of those things?”

“Yeah, yeah, I shoot it every year on my birthday. Family tradition.” the gunslinger drew her weapon, pointing it out towards the woods.

“Don’t--”

“It’s okay, it’s not loaded,” she said, popping open the cylinder, “The ammo’s in my bag.”

The cook shook her head, “And I thought my family was crazy.”

The cowgirl spun the gun around her finger and holstered the weapon with practiced flourish. She spoke with an exaggerated drawl, “Don’t worry, darlin’, this lone ranger will defend you from any murderin’ spectral horrors.”

“Stop it! You’re awful!” the cook laughed, before taking another bite of her food. It wasn’t as dirty as she thought, and she swallowed a few more bites before stuffing the rest in her mouth.

“You hear that?” the lone ranger put a hand to her ear, “It won’t be safe for long, we best be getting to bed before the devil finds us.”

“Oh please, that’s enough, Calamity Jane.”

“I prefer the name--”

She was cut off by the sharp crack of a snapped branch. The gunslinger stilled, turning in the direction of the noise, “What was that?”

The tall girl huffed in response, “I said cut it out--" but the cowgirl shushed her, scanning the dense foliage around them. Her heart caught in her throat as she saw a pair of eyes glinting from their firelight. A huge creature, larger than a man, was standing on two legs and peering into the camp from about two hundred feet away.

"There's--" the gunslinger's voice strained to form the words, "There's a bear."

The cook froze. She reached for her cast iron pan and held it with both hands. "What do we do?" she whispered.

The cowgirl shook her head. There weren't supposed to be bears in this area. According to her research, none had been seen for over a decade, which is why she hadn't bothered to look up how to defend against one. The bear dropped down to all fours, and they could hear it begin to huff and snarl.

"Get ready to run," she hissed. The cook stood, and the shorter girl eyed her backpack that held her ammunition. It was sitting at the foot of the tent, but she would have to go toward the monster to retrieve it. The bag was only fifteen feet away but it might as well have been fifteen miles. 

The two didn’t have a chance to decide when to act. With a roar, the bear lunged forward, crashing through the foliage as it charged. The cook shrieked, fleeing the camp, but the cowgirl did the opposite, sprinting towards her bag. She had almost reached it when the tent surged forward, collapsing on top of her in a wave of nylon and snapped metal supports. The gunslinger fell to her back and she pushed the tangle of tent away from her face, only to see the bear looming over her, separated only by the crushed tent. The girl shielded her face with her arms and braced herself for what was to come.

“Get away from her!” her friend screamed. She had returned, and had taken to bludgeoning the bear’s hindquarters with her pan. The bear twisted around and swiped a clawed paw towards her, but the cook jumped back, turning heel to run again. With a snarl, the bear released the cowgirl and chased its assailant. The gunslinger kicked the tangled tent off her legs and before she realized it she was chasing the bear, screaming obscenities and death threats. The cook was fast, but the bear was faster, and she lost sight of them both as they crested a small hill outside the camp. 

A blood curdling shriek filled the tree tops, followed by silence.

The gunslinger tore up the slope and hesitated when she reached the apex. Her friend was nowhere in sight, but the bear had already changed directions, loping back towards her. Her fingers reached for her gun, but she reminded herself it was still empty, and willed herself to retreat. The rapid thumping of the bear’s steps told her she wouldn’t make it to the camp before it caught up with her.

Overhead, the large branch of a cedar bowed over her. Leaping, the girl grabbed it and hoisted herself onto the branch before scrambling up the next. The bear was under the tree in an instant, stretching to full height to swipe at her. Its claw caught her foot, nearly yanking her out of the tree, but only managed to knock off her boot. The girl continued to climb, and the bear snapped off the lower branches, pushing against the trunk. The tree shuddered and flexed under the weight.

With one arm wrapped tight around a branch, the cowgirl pulled off her remaining boot and tossed it down. It bounced off the bear’s shoulder, who gave it a glance before turning its attention back to the girl. She whispered a prayer before unholstering her weapon, and threw the revolver at the monster. The gun crashed against the bear’s muzzle with an audible whack, and the bear pulled back from the tree, shaking its head. She held her breath as the bear paced around the tree before leaving in the direction of the camp. The dense canopy obstructed her view of it, but the tell tale sounds of the creature ripping through bags and crunching through supplies told her all she needed to know.

The girl settled onto the upper branches of the tree and wrapped her arms around the trunk. Against the odds, she was safe but trapped. Without a loaded gun, leaving the tree wasn’t a risk she could afford to take. To make matters worse, the last rays of twilight were fading away, cloaking the woods in frigid darkness. Her flashlight, phone, and ammunition were all at the camp, hidden under the destroyed tent. There was nothing she could do but wait it out.

***

Two hours elapsed before the bear left the camp. Another 30 minutes went by before the gunslinger felt safe enough to crawl down from the tree. Her fingers and toes were frozen and her legs ached as she collected her gun and put her boots back on. However, she didn’t have the luxury to pity herself. Through the dark, she crept back to where the campfire once was and strained her eyes in the dim moonlight for the remains of the tent. It had been dragged a good distance away, destroyed beyond use. She was relieved to find her backpack still twisted up inside, and rifled through the contents. She flicked on her flashlight and put it in the crook of her neck as she loaded her gun. Only six bullets, just enough to show it off to her friend.

If only she had loaded it earlier, then that monster would have got what it deserved.

The lone ranger returned to the camp and cast her flashlight across the ransacked carnage. Clothes and supplies were strewn throughout the foliage, and all that remained of the food were shredded cans and crushed boxes. Even the cooking utensils had been mutilated with gnaw marks. Rage boiled inside her.

The forest looked very dizzyingly similar at night, and she found herself walking in circles, ending up back at the camp again and again. Finally, she accurately identified the hill she had last seen her friend and was surprised to discover a steep drop of about twenty feet not far from it, jagged granite boulders resting at the base. There she found her first lead. A conspicuous dark splatter against the white rocks: blood.

The small girl shouted her friend’s name, but there was no response. She climbed down the steep surface of the cliff side at a much slower pace than her friend would have been afforded. The blood was no longer fresh, but she could see the direction it led before the ground cover became more soil than stone. She followed the trail.

The ferns and ivy lashed across her torn stockings, but she continued forward, right hand hovering over her weapon. She stopped at the entrance of a cave yawning out of the mountainside. It looked both parts refuge and trap. Didn’t bears live in caves?

She called out her friend’s name again, but was answered only with a faint echo. At least it was better than the growl of bears. She shined her light across the back of the cave and could see the tunnel curved, making it impossible to see how deep it was. As she traced the floor with the light, something sparkled. The gunslinger ventured forward and pinched it between her fingers: a hair pin, with a small crystal embedded at the end. The last time she had seen it was in her friend’s hair. She had been here.

The cowgirl huffed out a shuddering sigh, and she couldn’t tell if it was from relief or a renewed sense of dread. If her friend had been here, where was she now?

The child took a deep breath and stepped deeper into the cave.

kindness and justice: backstory // end

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[wonderlandleighleigh]

TimKon or anything from the Tuna Melt-verse, which is fantastic, by the way.

Thank you!!! Here’s some unfinished Tuna Melt Fic. Maybe one day it’ll get done. It’s called “His Day in Court.” The Joker origin referenced is lifted from Batman: Streets of Gotham.

“Mister President.” 

Bartlet looks up from his desk and grins, before getting to his feet slowly. “Judge Walters.” 

As they shake hands, Jed marvels, not for the first time, at just how tall, and just how green Jennifer Walters is. She’s a beautiful woman. 

She’s just…

Well, she’s She-Hulk.

Well, she used to be She-Hulk.

Now she’s a United States federal judge.

Like Mendoza, getting Jenn appointed as a federal judge had been a nightmare. She’s green, she’s huge.

She’s hardcore leftwing.

“Please, have a seat,” he offers, gesturing towards the couches and chairs. 

Jenn nods, and does, settling into one of the chairs carefully,  always hyper-aware of her own body and its impact on the world around her. 

“I assume you know why I’ve asked you here,” he says, settling onto the couch next to her, clasping his hands in his lap. 

“I have a pretty good idea,” Jenn smirks, leaning back a little. “The Joker case?” 

Bartlet nods. “The Joker case. The prosecution is putting everything together, and I’ve been informed you’ve been chosen to preside.” 

Jenn doesn’t say anything for a long moment, watching the president carefully before speaking up. “Permission to speak my mind?” 

“Of course.” 

“This whole trial is bullshit,” she says. 

“It’s the law.” 

“It’s bull. Look, I believe in our justice system when it works the way it’s supposed to, but jesus, this isn’t a case of innocent until proven guilty, this is a case of the defendant boasting in a public forum about the very fact that he is guilty. He’s killed thousands of people. He’s maimed and mentally and emotionally scarred more. Why put the survivors and the families of the dead through this? And how the hell are we supposed to choose a grand jury? An enormous percentage of people in this country, and just about everybody on the East Coast has been affected, in some way, shape or form by the Joker.” 

“So you think we throw United States law out the window and just kill him?” Jed asks, lifting his eyebrows. “You don’t think that might look bad to the rest of the country? That they’ll start pointing fingers at whoever the hell, and asking why those people haven’t been offed too?” 

“I think the Joker is different,” Jenn says. “I think he’s this country’s modern day boogieman, and I don’t think he deserves a traditional trial. And anyways, it’s not out of the question that the Joker could die...other ways.” 

“Jennifer.” 

“Don’t you have the Red Hood on speed dial?” she asks, lifting an eyebrow. “Didn’t I hear that somewhere?” 

“Like that kid hasn’t been through enough,” Jed grumbles. “The last time somebody tried to take out the Joker because they thought it was the right thing, it ended in an office full of dead FBI agents and an attack on this White House. We do this the right way.” 

“The right way would have been lethal injection at Arkham twenty years ago,” she tells him. “Everything beyond that is just us cleaning up decades-old messes.”  

“Jennifer, are you saying we should find a different judge to preside over this case?” Jed asks, looking at her seriously. “Because what you’re telling me is that you cannot possibly be fair-” 

“I’m telling you there is no fair,” she interrupts him. “Mister President, the Joker has eschewed legal council. He’s defending himself, which means he will run around my courtroom like the damn lunatic he is before he gets bored and attempts to massacre everyone in it.” 

Bartlet closes his eyes and takes a breath before opening them again. “Jenn, all we can do is prepare for the worst. But we don’t have any other choice.” 

***** 

“It starts tomorrow, you know.” 

“Hm?” 

“The Joker trial,” Danny clarifies. 

Maggie nods as she steps past him and back into her cube. “And you’re pissed.” 

“A little.” 

“Because you’re not the one writing about it,” Maggie goes on. “Because there’s no way to be impartial when you thought he was gonna kill you.” 

“There’s not an impartial journalist in the world when it comes to this maniac,” Danny points out.

Maggie sits and looks up at him. “You can still go to the trial you know. Take a few days off. Head up to New York. You could even write an independent piece and farm it out to the Atlantic or whatever.” 

Danny shakes his head. “Not worth feeling that angry. How are you doing with all of this?” 

“I...have to be fine,” she says, blowing out a breath. “So I’m fine.” 

 “What are you working on? Anything good?” 

“Well…” 

He frowns, tilting his head. “What?” 

“I...it’s just...how does somebody like the Joker, become the Joker?” Maggie asks. “What drives a person so far over off the deep end that they become...that?” 

“Does it matter?” 

“Doesn’t it?” 

“So you’re looking into who the Joker really is,” Danny surmises. 

“I have some leads,” she admits. “The problem is that he’s killed so many people, it’s hard to figure out what was personal and what was just...his version of a good time.” 

“But you’ve got a hunch.” 

Maggie nods, looking troubled. “I have a hunch.” 

“Well?” 

She blows out a breath. “About five years ago, Joker cornered an aging Mob Boss named Guzzo.” 

“That guy was no joke,” Danny comments, pulling up a chair and taking a seat. “My mentor did a write-up about him back in the day. The stuff he did was almost as bad as the Joker. This was a few years ago, right?” 

“Right. So...Joker corners him on amusement mile and sics a pack of hungry hyenas on the guy,” Maggie says. “All that’s left are a few teeth, which is how they identified him. What’s confusing is that if you look at the interviews done of the for-hire goons back then, Joker and Guzzo didn’t know each other. And if you look at the way the city was split up before Guzzo died, Joker’s usual territory was as far away from Guzzo’s as he could get.” 

“Like he might have been avoiding the guy.” 

“Maybe…” 

“You think there’s a connection?” Danny asks. “Joker kills Guzzo for revenge?”  

“I think Guzzo hurt a lot of people over multiple decades,” Maggie tells him. “What if one of the people he hurt was Joker, before he was Joker?” 

“So you think Joker’s got a sob story.” 

“I think he was once something resembling a person,” Maggie corrects him. “And if you wanna take down a monster, you show the world its weak spots.” 

***** 

“Maybe you should come home for a few days.” 

Jason closes his eyes as he listens to his older brother over the phone. 

“All anybody is gonna be talking about down there is the trial,” Dick goes on. “Or hey! We could take a roadtrip! Load up the car with snacks and sodas and get outta town for a while.” 

“Dick.” 

“I don’t want you to be alone,” Dick admits. 

“I’m not.” 

“Fine. I don’t want you to be so far away from me that I can’t be there for you,” Dick adds. “And neither does Bruce.” 

“Is he testifying?” Jason asks. 

“Yeah,” Dicik confirms. “He’s showing up in full bat-gear and he’s testifying.” 

“That’s nuts,” Jason points out. “This whole -” 

“I know.” 

“Fucking - why can’t I just kill him?” 

“Because it won’t help you,” Dick says sadly. “Little Wing, just because the monster is gone, doesn’t mean the nightmare never happened.” 

Jason goes quiet. “I wanna go to the trial.” 

“Jay-” 

“I wanna go. At least to the first one.” 

Dick sighs sadly. “The last thing I want is for this to be the thing that breaks you. You’ve been doing so well...the job, and the girlfriend...you looked so happy at that wedding we all went to. What if going to that trial just sets you back.” 

“What if he hurts somebody?” Jason asks. “What if he takes down an entire courthouse full of people?” 

“Then it won’t be your fault,” Dick says gently. 

“One of us should be there every day of that trial,” Jason argues. 

“Maybe. But it shouldn’t be you.” 

“The hell it shouldn’t!” 

“Jay,” Dick says firmly, but worriedly. “Look, with what he did to Babs...I have a good excuse to be at the trial every day. I’ll go. I promise. But you need to stay home.” 

“You don’t get to-” 

“Jay.” 

Jason goes silent, and Dick can hear deep, heavy breaths. 

“I’ll be there every day,” he says. “I promise you, Little Wing. I’ll go every day. Whatever happens, I’ll be there to help stop it.” 

***** 

“You’ve reached the office of Jason Todd, Wayne Technologies Liaison to the White House. I will be out of the office until the end of the month. You can reach my fill-in, Luke Fox at the following number…” 

***** 

“He took the entire month off?” Leo asks, staring at Luke Fox, utterly bewildered. 

“He did,” Luke nods. 

“To do what?” Leo snaps. 

“Not go crazy,” Luke says simply. “This Joker thing has him fifty shades of fucked up, Leo.” 

“The DoD hate you more than they hate him,” Leo points out, relaxing a little. 

Luke chuckles and shrugs. “I know it freaks those old farts  out to have to deal with a black man who is younger, smarter and more attractive. That’s what makes it fun for me.” 

Leo sighs but grins wryly. “It’s gonna be a helluva month.” 

“Oh it definitely is,” Luke smirks back. “You want lunch? My treat?” 

"It’s hard to say no to that.” 

[princepestilence]

2020′s “worth it” things.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that 2020 was a uniquely bad year for everyone. There’s a lot of things that made this year even harder, though, not least of all the fact it was coming off the back of 2019, which was a deeply difficult year for me in many ways. I went into 2020 with high hopes for getting back on track with my life after being sick for so long, and things... did not go as anticipated. 

All this said, as I started compiling this list, I realised that despite everything else this year had going on, an incredible amount of really good, life-changing things happened for me too, and I want to celebrate that, so here it is: 2020 was Surprisingly Good, and Here’s Why. 

In no particular order:

health! I had surgery earlier this year and it fixed basically everything: the pain and nausea I was living with every day is gone now, and I feel so, so much better. I’ve been able to start getting back into a more normal kind of life throughout this year and hopefully, this won’t ever be a problem again. I’ll be able to live pretty normally going forward (apart from check-up tests now and then). I can’t ever take up kickboxing again, which is kind of disappointing, but in the scheme of things, that’s okay. This is a load-bearing change and because of it, so much else has been/will be possible for me, and I am so glad. 

holiday in Melbourne! Clair and I went on our first proper holiday together, before the plague. It was so much fun and it’s hard to believe that happened this year: the past is really feeling like a different country right now. But hopefully we’ll be able to do something like this again before too long, because I absolutely loved it. We saw a gallery, the aquarium, went to the theatre and night markets, swam in a pool by ourselves some fourteen stories above the city with a thunderstorm swirling outside the glass walls, and I’d love to do it all again. 

editing work. The project I’ve been working on has been finished and sent off for publishing, and I’ve been given a new contract and a new project, which is very nice. It feels great to be building up my resume--and it’s a huge compliment to be rehired so many times over. I’ve also been doing some editing work on the side, for various ttrpgs, etc. and I’m keen to do more of that too.

summer session teaching. I taught a summer session at the beginning of this year (back when the fires were happening), and now I’m teaching a different summer session again now. I really didn’t think I would ever teach again, after the collapse of academia this year, so it’s been delightful to have this chance. I’m hoping next year I’ll be able to do more, somehow. 

written over 70k+ words. I didn’t expect to be able to write nearly as much as I have this year, but I’m thrilled. It’s so nice to do and I’m looking forward to doing more of the same next year as well. 

got an apartment!! Finally! It only took about two deeply exhausting, stressful months where neither of us could support hobbies or mental health or general well-being because we were too busy trying to keep afloat while trying to find somewhere to live. But the important thing is that it’s done now. We get the keys in four days. I can’t wait. 

reconnected with a great friend. Last year I really struggled to maintain a lot of friendships. Being sick took most of my energy and attention, and sapped a lot of the cheerfulness and enthusiasm I wanted to have in relationships. This year, I’ve done a lot better, and I’ve been able to reconnect with a friend I’ve missed in a really positive, excellent way that brings me joy daily. 

joined a writing group! Connected to above, I’m now part of a regular weekly writing group of cool, talented people, and I’m hyped. It’s so fun and it feels so healthy to have this regular contact and conversation. It’s very much what I was missing and looking for, and I hope post-plague I’ll be able to find something similar in person too, so that I can have a local and international writing circle to bounce ideas and workshop with.   

ran a Dread game! It went so well and I had a ton of fun. I overprepared by a lot, but it was a terrific learning experience, and I’m itching to do it again soon. I’ve also got my hands on Monster of the Week (and am apparently getting Blades in the Dark as a late Christmas present from my little brother), and I’m very keen to get more into GMing, because I think this is where my passion lies. 

played D&D! And I’m loving it. I got hugely pulled into Dimension 20 this year and also finally played at the table properly for a campaign. I’m still very baby but it’s something I can definitely see myself getting into, and I hope we’re able to resume weekly games in the new year. I was very nervous before starting, but I’m getting my confidence more and more as we play. 

didn’t reconnect with some people from the past. At the beginning of 2019, I ended things with some friends I used to have, and it was hard to get to that year anniversary. Throughout the year there were some major temptations to reach out again, but I didn’t and I’m proud of that. They weren’t good relationships to be in, and I’m in a healthier, happier place without them. 

saw Six the Musical! And it was so great. I really wish I could have seen it again before the plague struck. I’m hoping it’ll come around again in the next few years, because once really wasn’t enough. 

I got a triple helix piercing! I’ve wanted this for years but this year I actually went and got it. I really love it. I’ve still got the plain titanium posts in while it heals 100% but I’m going to get hoops and fun ones soon and start switching them in and out for the thrill of it. 

backed some super exciting stuff on kickstarter! Kind of a weird entry but I’m so excited for it. There’s a gorgeous tarot deck coming from an artist whose work I’ve been following since I started on tumblr, and then Wanderhome is coming out about midway next year and I am very hyped to try it. We’re going to live that Beatrix Potter fantasy. 

saw my family. Earlier in the year I caught up with some cousins I haven’t seen since we were like twelve, and then for Christmas I saw the other side of my family, who I haven’t seen since Christmas 2018. It was really nice and I’m hoping we can keep in contact more, especially because my nieces and nephews are growing up so fast now. 

great year for games. Not really anything to do with me, but something I’m very grateful for. I’ve had such a good time with the titles that have come out this year: Hades, Monster Camp, Spiritfarer, Animal Crossing, Pokemon Sword, Megaquarium DLC, etc. Truly kept me sane (enough) at certain points. My switch also got fixed and returned to me recently, which is also very cool and good. 

started the program. Probably the single biggest, most impactful change this year, apart from surgery. It takes up a lot of my time and brainspace and energy, but it’s a lot better than the alternative, which did the same but in an evil way. I’ll be returning to it officially in exactly two weeks, and mostly how I feel about that is optimistic and happy. I’m excited to be well, which is an interesting feeling and mindset. I want to be doing better and I’m proud of myself for everything I’ve done this year to work towards that, because at no point so far has any of it been easy or fun. 

roller skating! I went roller skating (with Clair) for the first time in about ten years, and I didn’t stack it even once. There were a few close calls but it was a great time and I’m keen to go back and get good at it again. I’ve missed it all these years, and I think it’s going to be a super fun date night going forward. 

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 56)

Brandywine Drop

Arthur and reader have some much needed respite away from the crumbling gang. We also meet a familiar face! Warning for some animal death/hunting-ish.

Tagging @emily-strange ❤

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

We set up a campsite with Arthur's tent at Brandywine Drop, a short distance away from the huge waterfall and as far from the train tracks and trail as possible. We were set up under the cover of a patch of trees with a clearing big enough for us to set up a little fire. It was evening time once we were settled, with Rayna chewing on some wild carrots I'd pulled up for her, and Arthur heating up some cans by the fire for us. It was a little late to find something to hunt for meat so it'd be a light and bland supper, but it didn't matter. I played with Rayna's mane while she ate, listening to the peaceful sounds around me; it was a wonderful place. The constant shhh of the waterfall put me at ease, coupled with the familiar crackling licks of the fire and the sound of birds singing a final song before they found a place to roost for the night, it made the tension in my shoulders fall away as I stood there by my horse and my love. This is how life is meant to be, I thought.

I suddenly remembered the letter in my pocket from that morning, and looked over my shoulder at Arthur. He was prodding at the contents of a can with a fork, trying to stir the congealed substance to heat it evenly. I reached inside my pocket and retrieved the letter, looking down at it for a moment before walking over to him. I held it out to him silently, and he glanced at it before meeting my eyes.

"This came for you this morning," I told him. He took the letter from me and looked at the writing on the front. I could tell by the slight shift in his eyes that he knew who it was from. "It feels like there's something inside," I added. 

Arthur tore open the letter and knocked it against his palm. I was correct in my guess that it was a ring, it fell into his hand and he stared at it for a while before unfolding the letter. He tilted it towards the fire to get some better light to read it with and I wandered away, back to Rayna, to give him some privacy. He didn't need me standing over him as he processed whatever she'd written.

I scratched Rayna under her chin and kissed her nose, whispering to her soft words of affection. She'd been neglected a little bit by myself over the past week or so, and she needed some love. I didn't want her thinking that Kieran was her new papa or something, considering the time he put in making sure that she and the other animals were happy. 

Barely a minute passed and I heard the sound of folding paper. I looked over my shoulder and Arthur was staring at the ring again, a mild frown on his face. He must've been hurting but I didn't know how to comfort him. How does one comfort a lover who is hurting over a previous one? It was an odd situation. 

"I don't really know the right customs when it comes to these things… but I feel like it'd be in bad taste to–" he began, then stopped and met my eyes. "She's giving me this back because she thinks it'll help her forget about me, I think," he clarified, holding the ring up to me. 

My heart did something funny when I saw him like he was; happening to be on one knee as he crouched by the fire, now showing me a ring. The mental leap I made made me ache with some kind of longing. I pushed it away, for the time being.

"She put in her letter that maybe I should give it to someone else. Maybe even you," he continued. "I feel that's a little… odd. Considering I bought it for her all those years back. But I guess… do you want it?" He asked, a slight shrug coming with his words. I couldn't help but laugh. 

"No," I breathed, shaking my head but grinning. I walked back over to him, bending over and cupping his face, tilting it so I could kiss him. "I don't want Mary's old ring. But thank you."

"I thought as much," he murmured, tucking the ring away in his satchel, "I thought I'd ask in case you thought it was pretty, or something, but it wouldn't be special," he shrugged. 

"Special?" I repeated, a little unsure of what he meant.

"It was her… you know I asked her to marry me," he said very quietly, looking away from me. I nodded even though he wouldn't see it. He took a breath and met my eyes again, "I plan on buying you a ring of your own when that happens," he said, his tone light and casual, yet making my entire body burst with tingles and adrenaline. 

"When that happens?" I repeated, choking the words out. Arthur's face seemed to pale as he realised what he'd said. 

"If, when, I don't– you know what I– shit, I didn't mean anything by that. That was just a slip of the tongue. I just meant I… I wouldn't propose to someone with the same ring I did with someone else, it was just a general statement, I wasn't–" oh, he was panicking. I snickered and pressed my fingers to his mouth. 

"It's okay. I understand," I nodded. 

"I guess I… I love you and I can't imagine not loving you, that just slipped out like it was a normal thing to say," he justified, his eyes comically wide. I shook my head in amusement and carefully lowered myself down to sit next to him on the ground. I wondered how I'd get up again but that was a problem for later.

"It's alright. I'm not gonna take that too seriously," I sighed, leaning into his side. "This is an odd situation and you were just trying to say the right thing."

"Perhaps I'll… I'll sell it," he shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe you could give it to John?" I suggested. "Perhaps one day he and Abigail could have a use for it, you know?"

"You think?"

"Abigail loves him. They're working things out, it seems. Aren't they?"

"Yeah, they are," he nodded, sitting down properly on his backside and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "Maybe you're right. If he's got any sense he'll marry that woman. He ain't ever gonna find someone else who'll put up with him," he snorted.

"I think that would be sweet, if you gave it to him. That way, someone gets to use the ring and it ain't odd… plus I get my own ring, when the time comes," I smirked mischievously. "I like sapphires, by the way."

"Sapphires," he chuckled breathily, "noted. You know, that bracelet Penelope gave to me was sapphires."

"It was?"

"I still got it, you want it?" He asked. I chuckled and shook my head.

"The money's more important," I said.

"Well, she said it would be worth some," he nodded.

"My mama had a beautiful necklace with a sapphire in it, had to sell it, though. I always begged her to wear it," I told him, fondly recalling it. "Was only allowed to once, I remember," I lifted one finger. 

"When was that?"

"My tenth birthday, we went to the park in Saint Denis, I was dressed up in my best frock. Mama said now that I was in double figures she needed to see if I was grown up enough to wear such a special necklace. I was so scared of losing it all day that I never asked to wear it again," I laughed, and Arthur chuckled too. "Couple years later we sold it, keeping a roof over our heads was more important, you know?" I added, and Arthur nodded. 

"I suppose, lookin' for silver linings and all, at least we ain't gotta worry about losing no roof, living how we do," he sighed. 

I nodded slowly. "And I think I prefer having no fixed abode. Don't know for sure why, but I like this," I gestured around us. "Always have. Much more now I ain't alone." 

Arthur scrubbed his hand up and down my arm and then shifted forwards to retrieve the cans from the fire. He used a pair of sticks as pincers to lift them out carefully, placing them on the ground in front of us. He sighed down at our dinner.

"How we splitting this, you want beans or peas, or shall we have half and half each?" He asked.

"Half and half?" I shrugged. 

"Alright, here you go," he handed me a spoon from his satchel and I started on my half of the peas while he went at the beans. It was certainly no banquet but it was something warm to fill our bellies. 

"So, Colm's dead, I tried to throttle Micah… what a day this has been. Sadie told me that you and Dutch had a disagreement at the saloon earlier," I delicately broached the subject. 

"That why you went and spoke to him?" He asked. Aw, shit.

"Yeah, I guess," I shrugged. I sensed him looking at me. "I just didn't want him treating you like crap because of me, so I went and told him that it's just me who wants us to leave."

"That ain't true," he protested.

"Yeah, I know. But it's simpler if Dutch thinks that."

"He ain't gonna be good to you, he thinks you're against him like that," he warned, and I shrugged carelessly. And I really didn't care. Dutch could fuck himself, to be frank.

"Whatever, just let me take the load off of you. You don't need him doubting you, you've got enough to worry about," I muttered, shaking my head and shovelling some more peas into my mouth. "I'm more interested in how you're feeling. He must've upset you."

"Just felt like he was throwing the past twenty years back in my face. I figure I've spent so long earning his trust and proving myself to him, and all it takes is me wanting the best for the woman I love for him to tell me that I ain't loyal. Maybe I ain't loyal to him no more, I don't know," he shrugged his shoulders, "if I'm not, that's only because he's been acting crazy."

"If he wants everyone to blindly trust him, no matter what, he's gotta do better," I shrugged. "I don't trust him to have everyone's best interests at heart. If it was me running this gang, I'd've given John a bunch of money and told him to get lost with Abigail and Jack by now. The poor kid got kidnapped and he's been shot at in his own home at least twice," I used the term 'home' very lightly, but it was true nonetheless.

"We could probably afford to do it, too. John's brought in plenty of work, ain't like he hasn't earned his cut," Arthur mused under his breath, a bean falling off of his fork down his shirt when he paused before putting it in his mouth. He sighed and scrubbed a hand over the mark it left.

I looked down into my can. "I do understand why you can't leave, when I think about these things," I told him quietly. "I don't think I could live with myself either, if we ran off and left everyone else in this mess."

Arthur met eyes when I looked up at him. He didn't say anything but I saw him relax a bit, read relief in his eyes. I could tell it put him at ease to learn that I was on a similar page to him. We ate for a while longer and then swapped cans, and finished off the last of the peas and beans between us.

"How's your leg?" He asked, leaning back on one elbow, head tilting towards the sky where the stars were out.

"Getting there. You saw me walking without my cane today. That weren't on purpose, I forgot it, but maybe I don't need it no more," I replied, leaning back on my hands and looking down at my outstretched legs before joining him in looking at the sky.

"Just be careful, princess," he whispered. There was a stretch of silence before he spoke again, "I'm still hungry after that. Maybe I'll go out in the morning and get us some proper food," he said, and I chuckled.

"You ain't got no more food?" 

"I got some biscuits, not many though. Prob'ly not enough for two," he told me. I reached over and patted his belly.

"I won't ask for none," I assured him with a grin.

"You sure? I'd feel bad eating them in front of you," he said.

"I had some chocolate earlier, and I never shared it with you. Go for it."

"Where'd you get chocolate?" He asked, sitting up and retrieving the snack from his satchel.

"Pearson gave it to me, bless him."

"Pearson never gives me chocolate," he muttered to himself and I snorted, shaking my head.

It was quiet save for the crunching of Arthur's biscuits, and I leaned back, lying on the ground so I could watch the stars again. I felt sleepy and at peace. It was so good to be alone with Arthur, just quietly enjoying his company, completely alone for the first time in weeks. I wore an easy smile and released a content sigh, prompting Arthur to look at me.

"That's more like it. It's real good seeing you smile," he commented, brushing the biscuit crumbs from his short beard.

"It's just nice here. So peaceful," I noted, and he looked around and nodded. 

"I keep thinking I can hear Karen yelling, drunk, or Micah winding somebody up. Mind's playing tricks on me, it's just the waterfall," he said, shaking his head. 

"You sure? They ain't found us, have they?" I joked, making a show of looking around. Arthur laughed and laid down next to me, rolling over to half lean over me. He held himself up with his hand beside me, leaning down to kiss my forehead, then the tip of my nose.

"You look so pretty when you're happy. Not that you ain't pretty all the time, but when you're like this… makes me wanna wrap you up in my arms and keep you there," he said in a low, rumbling tone. I cupped his face and connected our mouths for a slow, open-mouthed kiss. 

It went on for some time, we lost ourselves in it indulgently, always letting the background of our surroundings slip away when we kissed like that. I could do it for hours. It might've been one of my favourite things to do with him. Arthur shifted so his elbow held him up and his free hand could go to my waist, his thumb rubbing the spot back and forth, his fingers squeezing in my shirt. I was hazy with adoration in moments, bringing one hand to his torso where I wrapped it around his suspender. 

When we broke away for air, Arthur's voice was gravelly and deep, almost a mere vibration in my ears.

"This is making me want you too much. Since the other day my thoughts ain't been anything close to pure–" he began, hearing himself and chuckling. "Sorry. I can't stop thinking about it. I wanna take you, out here, so I can watch your face while I make you feel good."

"I'm still– my monthly ain't finished," I whispered, though I was immediately turned on.

"I ain't squeamish," he said without missing a beat and I gasped and barked out a shocked laugh, smacking him lightly on the arm. He parted from me a bit so he could see my face properly.

"Arthur! That's so…" I laughed, shaking my head, not knowing what to say. "Dirty! In more than one sense."

"I'm sorry, I'm getting carried away again. You do that to me," he said, his cheeks reddening.

"It's okay. I just think– what a mess," I snickered, feeling my own face heat up with embarrassment. Arthur breathed a laugh too and laid down on his back next to me.

"You're probably right," he sighed. "It was worth a shot."

"Dirty boy," I muttered in faux-reprimand. 

"Only since I met you," he retorted accusingly.

"I was a virgin when I met you, remember that?"

"What're you insinuating, that I'm the one who's turnin' you dirty?" He smirked at me and I chuckled.

"I don't know. Either way I'm not complaining."

"Mm, me neither."

His hand brushed against mine and he linked our pinky fingers. We were quiet for some time, and I was the one to tentatively break the silence.

"Mm, you know, if we were to go inside that tent…" I began, trailing off quietly. 

"Yes?" His voice rose in pitch playfully.

"I might not be able to offer you the full fun and games, but I've got a perfectly serviceable pair of hands," I squeaked. He hummed a sultry laugh.

"Miss Jemima," he breathed, shaking his head in false disapproval. 

"Is that a refusal?" I questioned. Arthur laughed breathily and rolled over onto his front enough to push himself to his knees. I watched him from my spot on the ground with a wide smile on my face. 

"Sweetheart, I'm in no fit state to refuse anything from you. Come on," he jerked his head playfully towards the tent and I snickered, sitting up and shuffling along with him inside.

-

I awoke to an empty bedroll beside me. I noticed the little piece of paper laying atop it quick enough not to panic over Arthur's absence, and plucked it up to read it. 

Gone hunting for some breakfast, back soon. Won't go far. 

Love, Arthur

I folded the note and slipped it away in my satchel, its sentimental value manifesting itself in an instant despite being something so simple. It had the memories of such a beautiful place and a peaceful night attached to it, of course.

I scooted out of the tent; the fire was going strong, Arthur had obviously tended to it before he left so I'd wake up to some warmth. It wasn't the warmest climate this far north. I warmed myself there for a few moments before tackling the act of getting to my feet. It was trickier than it looked without the ability to bend my leg as far as I needed to, but I got there in the end and headed away from our campsite into the woods to take care of some morning business. Then I headed towards the water to clean up a bit and splash some water on my face. The place looked different in the daylight, with the vivid violet snowdrops dotting the foliage and the sun glinting off the churned up surface of the water by the waterfall. 

I looked out across the river to the other side, taking in the trees that surrounded me. Movement caught my eye between them, all the way across the other side of the water. I stepped a little way to the left so I could see better, and spotted two figures in the trees. A gunshot made me jump, but it sounded like a varmint rifle so I wasn't too alarmed. I'd used one enough over the years to recognise its particular sound; less full-bodied than most rifles and almost a little hollow sounding.

I squinted and leaned forwards, trying to make out the figures. I was certain one of them was Arthur, recognising his blue shirt, but he was with someone else. A woman. From all the way across the river she looked a bit like Abigail, but there was no reason why she would be out here. 

I decided to investigate. I glanced back at our campsite and ensured that nothing valuable was left unattended, and whistled for Rayna who immediately closed the space between us. I used my good leg in her stirrup to lift myself onto her, side-saddle, and clicked at her to get moving. I crossed the water at the shallowest point, Rayna's big hooves thu-dunking and splashing through noisily. I followed the path around into the part shrouded by trees, hearing their voices as I got closer. 

"Get ahold of its legs, have a firm grip, give it a hard pull. Straight down," Arthur was explaining. I didn't want to creep up on them but I also felt strange shouting out, so I waited until I was close enough for them to notice.

Arthur turned, his face brightening with a smile once he saw me. The woman hadn't noticed, focusing on skinning the rabbit in her hands. She tore the skin off in one clean pull, a technique I'd never had much success with myself, but she seemed to do okay. 

"Darlin', you're up," Arthur greeted. 

"I saw you from across the water," I said, suddenly feeling a little odd about having sought him out. I hoped he didn't think I didn't trust him.  

"Oh, hello there," the woman said when she noticed my arrival. I smiled at her as Arthur approached and helped me down off of Rayna, his hands on my waist as I slid off ensuring that I wouldn't land too hard on my feet and hurt myself.

"Hi," I replied, taking in her appearance. She looked slim and tired, her skin a little sallow and dirtied with mud. Her smile was weak behind her politeness, but she was pretty. 

"This is Mrs. Balfour, she lives in a house just up there," Arthur introduced her, pointing up the path. "I came across her when I was looking for game."

"Charlotte," she nodded, reaching her hand out towards me, then spotting the rabbit blood on it and thinking better of it, "you must be Mr. Morgan's partner. My sincerest apologies, it's my fault you're having to wait for your breakfast," she chuckled weakly.

"Oh, not at all," I shook my head.

"He was helping me find some food, he taught me how to skin this rabbit," she said, holding up the animal. "My… my husband passed, and I've been struggling ever since. Well, we were struggling before he died but that's a different story," she shook her head, looking off in the direction of her home.

"I'm so sorry," I frowned. She gave me a small, grateful smile.

"I haven't eaten in days, but this will keep me going. Thank you so much," she turned to Arthur. 

"Don't mention it," he said, gesturing with his hand for her to start heading back. "Let us walk you back." 

I tagged along with them, sounding for Rayna to follow and taking hold of her reins.

"Did your husband do all the hunting?" I gently asked, concerned about her lack of knowledge when living so far out of civilisation. 

"Tried to. Neither of us were any good, as I said to Arthur, we were City folk," she sighed, "just looking for some new escape. I don't know the first thing about hunting, can't even fire a gun properly."

Arthur and I glanced at each other, sharing the same look of worry. 

"You should probably learn… no use me teaching you how to skin an animal if you can't catch any," Arthur suggested and she nodded her head, looking down at her feet.

Rayna suddenly dug her feet in, pulling on the slack of the reins, whinnying in distress. A moment later there was a gasp from Charlotte and then a choir of wailing howls from above. My blood ran cold, I'd never heard that sound so close and I swivelled to see three wolves up on the slope, looking right at us. I froze in place, my legs going numb as Rayna tore the reins from my slack hand and understandably bolted in the other direction, a second before the wolves pounced forwards. 

Instinct sent my hand to my holster, pulling free my revolver and fumbling to pull back the hammer. This was why sidearms stayed loaded. A series of gunshots sounded before I fired, I watched one wolf slam into the ground and slide down, a second wounded. I aimed at the third and shot, missing a couple of times before finally landing a shot in the animal's chest, sending it down before unloading the remainder of my shots into it for good measure while Arthur finished off the others.

There were a few moments of still silence once the wolves were finished. Adrenaline made my hands throb and my head pound; I turned to look at Charlotte and Arthur with wide eyes.

"I would be dead now, if it weren't for you two," she breathed, shaking her head and shoving her hand into her hair, "I'm completely hopeless." 

I shook my head, "you just need to practice shooting. I had to learn on my own years ago, I just kept trying. It gets easier, becomes second nature almost, aiming right," I told her in a tone I hoped would reassure her. 

"Okay," she sighed and nodded, and we carried on towards her home. 

I fell back a little to walk with Arthur, and spoke to him quietly. "Perhaps we could help her. Teach her how to shoot properly," I suggested.

"I was thinking the same thing," he nodded. "She just needs to eat right now but we could come back in a few days."

I nodded in agreement, then we reached the house. It was a pretty spot, right near the waterfall, neatly tucked away between trees and cliffs. Quiet and picturesque. I would've envied her if she wasn't so alone and struggling.

"I would invite you in, but I'm dead on my feet," she told us, breathing a little laugh. "But please, if you two are ever out this way again, do come and visit."

"Of course," I said, and Arthur nodded too. 

"It was nice meeting you both."

"You too, you take care ma'am," Arthur tipped his hat at her and I dipped my head politely.

"Thank you, for this," she looked at Arthur sincerely and Arthur awkwardly shifted on his feet. 

"Ain't no trouble," he shook his head.

"It's the kindest thing anyone's done for us since we… I appreciate it, a lot," she told him. "Enjoy the rest of your trip."

"Thank you," Arthur nodded, then Charlotte closed the door.

Arthur and I looked at each other then headed away. 

"That was good of you," I told him, hooking my hand over the arm he offered. "You're a sweet man."

"I just did what anyone would've done. She was starving," he shook his head dismissively but I didn't let him get away with it. I reached up to kiss his cheek.

"It was a kind thing, I'm proud of you," I said, smiling up at him, "this is why I love you."

He met my eyes, his own softening and warming. 

We reached the wolves and paused. "I guess this can be breakfast," I said.

"I suppose. And lunch, and dinner…" he chuckled, "better than letting it go to waste."

And so we set to work skinning and butchering the wolves. The pelts weren't in great shape, torn up by bullet holes evident of a panic, but they'd still come in useful around camp for extra warmth when the temperature dropped, as it occasionally did at the new camp. I stocked Rayna's back with the three pelts while Arthur finished cutting the usable meat from the animals, wrapping them up and distributing them between our satchels and the saddlebags. When we were done we took a moment to wash our hands in the river, cleaning away the blood and grease before mounting up together and heading back towards our campsite.

[ladybuvelle]

Question for the mun, any tips on how you recovered? What should we know? 🌟🙏

// Most things about the virus itself you should probably look up yourself for the most accurate and up-to-date information. I’m no doctor or medical/science professional. But I can tell you things that helped me survive (literally);

- It’s worth noting that everyone seems to experience the virus differently. Some people feel next to nothing while they have it. Others get it so bad they cannot breathe unaided. That’s why there’s such a demand for ventilators in hospitals. Some may experience a migraine (like I did), fever, etc. Pay attention to your body. Pay attention to any headaches/migraines you may have coming on. Pay attention to your throat and breathing. Try to conserve your strength as soon as you realize something might be wrong.

- One of my worst symptoms was complete loss of appetite. I experienced this even before the other more obvious symptoms, so basically I did NOT want to eat for about two weeks or so. I also lost my sense of smell, so anything I did force down me tasted that much more awful. My best solution? Drink your meals. Protein shakes or some kind of meal replacement ideally. In my case my mother got me diabetic friendly meal replacement shakes. They’re LOADED with vitamins, usually come in some fun sort of flavor like chocolate, and while you can’t really just drink three shakes a day and you will still need to eat other food when you can, it took a huge burden off me and provided my body with tons of vitamins and minerals to help me keep my energy, which I desperately needed to fight the fever.

- Ice pack. Preferably the bag kind you can fill with ice and water. During the fever I practically made love to that thing with my face. Not only did it help with my fever but the cold was soothing and comforting. Of course, you may prefer a heating pad or something instead. That’s up to you.

- Mind your back. You’ll probably be laying down a lot. When you DO get up, take it easy on yourself. Body aches are also a symptom.

- Try to shower when you feel up to it. Keeping clean is important but it’ll also make you feel a little better and relax your muscles. Plus the steam can help with minor breathing issues.

- Rest. A lot. Sleep when you can. For me, sleep was very restless and at one point it felt like my body had forgotten how. I had at least two panic attacks because of falling asleep and my body just throwing a fit over it.

- Emotionally I felt very down, panicked, and hopeless. I’m sure this will vary extremely from person to person, especially if you do or don’t have depression or some other sort of mental illness going on. If you can try to have someone talk to you. Company is REALLY hard when you’re isolating for the sake of people’s health. Try having the TV on or YouTube or your phone. Remind yourself, even out loud if you like, that you will be ok.

- Drink plenty of water. No, more. More than that.

- Don’t neglect your medications.

- Take Tylenol. I don’t know the exact reason for this but don’t take, like, acetaminophen. It’ll also help with the fever.

- Unless your symptoms are EXTREMELY severe - and I’m talking 103 fever, can’t breathe, etc - the unfortunate truth is you probably can’t go to a hospital. Anything less than these sort of cases, by my experience, is met with the nurse on the phone saying “stay home and monitor, take tylenol”. Hospitals and staff are overburdened right now as I’m sure anyone with half an eye could tell if they looked at the news. I know it’s hard. I know. I know how scared you may feel when you’re neck deep in it. If you really have to go then I won’t tell you not to, but if you can bare it then it’s best for all parties involved that you stay home; as not to infect others, and generally speaking you’ll be more comfortable at home.

- I did take diabetic-friendly cold medicine, too. I’m not sure how much/little it helped. Cough drops also.

- Oh yeah, and prepare for the long haul. It can take 2 weeks just to go through the motions of the illness, including fever and breathing and unwellness. For some it takes even longer. It’s an EXTREMELY. SLOW. virus. It takes days just to start manifesting in the first place. Be prepared to lay in bed a lot.

[shinneth]

Gem Ascension Tropes (General: A - B)

Full, Superior Alternative on Google Docs.

So, I’ve been on the fence as to whether or not to publicly share this. In the end, it’s really nothing more than a project of self-indulgence. However, it is 100k+ words of self-indulgence and it does involve a story at least a decent number of my followers have read and liked. I also talk about a lot about Stevidot and all the characters in general for this project. Considering I haven’t written anything since the end of August (and real life interference is finally affecting my ability to reliably produce anything of substance since then), I figured it was only fair to offer something. I do still have the itch to write; I just really don’t feel comfortable doing it if I myself am not in a good state mentally or emotionally.

Why did I make this? Well, I’ve mentioned in the past that my other super-huge, much-more-popular story Travels of the Trifecta! eventually gained enough notoriety to not only make it to the Fanfic Rec list on TV Tropes, but a few readers were even gracious enough to make an actual trope page for the story itself. However, despite great temptations, I never once contributed to the page myself, for fear I’d never get the story done because of how addictive and time-consuming that site is. 

I was naively hoping Gem Ascension (or at least Bottled Up, which is easily my most popular story outside the main GA series) might get the same honors. But back then, I was also new to the fanbase and didn’t realize just how badly Stevidot as a ship was wrongfully considered an immoral ship... and still is. So that’ll probably never happen for real. 

That said, so long as I completed my initial 3-act series for GA, I considered it fair game to play around with tropes that I could associate with it. And I finished that sucker in record time. So, since the early months of Summer, I’ve slowly compiled a list of tropes for my GA continuity - so far for general coverage and character-specifics only. 

They’re similar to my GA Reference Tour posts in that aspect. Like I said, though, the entire document is over 100k in length, so no way is that all going up at once. The general listing is big enough to make me think it won’t fit in one post, either (especially as I continue to waste space rambling here). As the length alone proves, I was right to avoid doing this for Trifecta.

I wouldn’t consider it a complete (or even entirely accurate) listing; the character sections are very lop-sided in terms of content, but that’s a little justified, at least. Anyway, I did make some new art for certain character sections in future posts, so I figured this would at least be a neat way to share them. I’ve linked said tropes and everything. It’s really only worth a read if you’re that interested in getting some more in-depth details to the GAverse that I haven’t really covered here properly yet. But it does technically count as Stevidot content, so there’s the grab.

Beyond the spoiler cut, there are no marked spoilers. I’m not savvy enough to go THAT far with the style... plus, the main series has been complete since early March and it’s now October. Just... if you recently found the story, haven’t finished it, but actually intend to do so, look on at your own risk, I guess. 

Well, let’s see how much I can actually fit in here. And whether or not it’ll format properly. 

Edit: Turns out, only up to the K Tropes. Loooooovely~. Looks like I’m gonna play it safe and cut this after the Bs.

Edit II: As a bonus, I see the links being retained when I edit this post, but they won’t appear on the post itself. Just. Awesome. I may just put this up on Google Docs as an alternative if anyone cares that much about having the hyperlink access. That link is up. I’ll need to neuter these things something fierce so the hyperlinks will appear again.

GEM ASCENSION CONTINUITY TROPES

 GENERAL

 A Day in the Limelight: Act II as a whole functions somewhat like this; Hero Protagonist Peridot, save for the short final scene at the end of the act, is completely absent. She is frequently talked about and is featured in prerecorded Video Wills, but the 8 chapters Act II is comprised of are dedicated to the 8 remaining members of the main cast. Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, Connie, and Steven – characters who had much less time to feature in Act I due to being captured during the first half – all have chapters entirely dedicated to them. Greg, despite being part of GA from the start, also had limited time to feature in Act I past Chapter 3 due to being a Non-Action Guy. His chapter is one of the longest; Greg is also involved in a subplot with Bismuth and Lapis, and as of Chapter 7, he receives a Rank Up and officially becomes a legit member of the Crystal Gems.

A Fate Worse than Death: Pallification. Not only worse than a gem’s shattering, but even corruption. It’s similar to corruption in that a gem is technically still alive, but their consciousnesses are greatly compromised. While a corrupted gem is more akin to a mutated rabid animal until a cure is found, a pallified gem’s body – while usually maintaining the integrity of its physical form – has been rendered soulless. Once White Diamond supplants their conscious minds with her own, she boots them out to parts unknown (she doesn’t even care enough for her own subjects to figure out what exactly she’s doing to their conscious minds) with no way for them to find their way back to their original body. It’s not even made clear whether or not a gem’s consciousness is killed off outright the moment White infects them. So, a pallified gem is basically condemned to eternal purgatory. Naturally, even after the events of GA, there are still millions of gems afflicted with this condition with no known cure to ail them. With White Diamond herself shattered at this point, these victims are little more than vegetables at best.

A Friend in Need: It must be stressed that the objective from the start of Gem Ascension was not to overthrow the Diamond Authority (and certainly not to destroy Homeworld itself): it was to rescue friends who were in trouble. Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Connie were all imprisoned on Homeworld with no means to truly escape, so Steven resorted to sending an SOS to the Crystal Gems on standby on Earth. After taking charge of this mission, Peridot greatly emphasized their objective being a quick in-and-out after rescuing their friends as quietly as possible. Then the mission escalated with much higher stakes, but the objective remained the same. Act I concluded with all of the Crystal Gems safely escaping Homeworld and returning to Earth… save for Peridot. The follow-up mission, consequently, had the same objective: rescue Peridot, then escape. It was later amended to rescue all of Homeworld’s native gems once it was discovered that Homeworld itself was going to fall apart very soon. The revolution that came about with Homeworld’s destruction and the fall of the Diamonds were merely byproducts of the rescue mission. Only Pearl seemed to anticipate this kind of result, but none of the Crystal Gems were prepared to be responsible for keeping Era 3 going on Earth in Homeworld’s absence (as well as the Diamonds’). 

Acceptable Targets: In-Universe, the lower you are in the caste system on Homeworld, the more you’re expected to take abuse of any kind from any gem of a higher class. This is Who I Am goes further into depth on this topic; it’s revealed Peridots have no rights when it comes to being mistreated by gems above their class. Even worse, it’s illegal for a Peridot to antagonize a gem of a higher caste for any reason – yet it’s perfectly legal for elite gems, such as quartzes, to do whatever they wish to a Peridot so long as it doesn’t permanently damage them or compromise whatever mission they’re assigned together on. Yes, even if a low-caste gem is raped (like Peridot almost was), it’s legal and the victimized gem is fully expected to suck it up and deal with it.

Adaptation Expansion: Not only does the GA series serve as an alternative to Change Your Mind, but it frequently brings up events from past canon episodes. This isn’t done for nostalgia’s sake, but rather to expand on said scenes and observe them with a different lens. Through this, scenes in the show readers have seen multiple times can yield some new discoveries with the additional details and questions posed within the GA narrative.

Adaptational Alternate Ending: Takes place shortly after Escapism in the show. The first few minutes of Change Your Mind are canon to the fic (mainly Blue Diamond’s Heel-Face Turn), but it’s completely off the rails from there on out. So, it’s basically an alternative ending to Season 5.

After-Action Healing Drama: In Chapter 5 of Act I, after Peridot got caught in a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown with 9FC and sustained severe injuries in the previous chapter, the recently-rescued Steven uses Lion to take himself and Peridot somewhere private so he can heal her many injuries.

All For Nothing: The battle with White Diamond in Chapter 6 of Act III is this, as that wasn’t the real White Diamond to begin with. The Crystal Gems just wasted a load of time and energy on a proxy, and it’s the realization of this trope that causes said battle to abruptly turn in White’s favor, ending in a Curb-Stomp Battle with the Crystal Gems on the losing end.

Due to this aspect of the battle, it means Rainbow Quartz 2.0’s scheme to siphon off some of White Diamond’s essence (to later use for a cure for corruption and pallification when they return to Earth, knowing White’s never going to help willfully) was also a waste, and what Pearl and Steven gained was just the essence of a bunch of dead gems. Pearl has a bit of a minor Heroic BSoD in Chapter 7 over this, but Garnet pulls her out of it and encourages her to not give up on the endeavor.

All Up to You: The premise of Gem Ascension: Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, and Greg step up to rescue their A-Team friends against all odds. 

Alternate Continuity: This story takes place shortly after Escapism. Beyond the first few minutes of Change Your Mind, it becomes canon divergent from there.

Anachronic Order: After Gem Ascension’s completion, a set of stories was released throughout the month of May that all took place in Gem Asension’s continuity (save for one, technically, which took place a while before GA starts and has no connections to said continuity outside of being referenced in a few of the other stories) for Stevidot Month. Justified, somewhat, as they were only released out of order due to representing at least one of three prompts assigned for the five weeks of Stevidot Month, and Word of God planned much of this on the fly. A couple of stories were pre-prepared (Plans Change and This is Who I Am’s first chapter), but didn’t fit any prompts other than the ones assigned to the final two weeks. Since May’s conclusion, all stories (in their AO3 incarnations) have been put in a collection and are arranged in chronological order.

Bottled Up is the only story that averts this, as it chronologically occurs before all the others listed here and was also the first one released in May. However, since it does take place a good amount of time before GA’s starting point, it can easily be read as a standalone. The same cannot be said for the stories following it.

My Time is Now, which properly introduces Sphalerite (who only got an unnamed, featureless cameo in Act III and spoke the very last lines of the story), takes place no more than half an hour after Act III’s conclusion, but it was also the last story released in May. 

Second-to-last was Plans Change, which took place only a few hours after the aforementioned story. 

This is Who I Am chronologically falls roughly half a week after that, but its first chapter was released in the middle of the month.

Peri-dise: The Capitalist Anarchy takes place about 1-2 months after GA Act III, making it currently second-to-last in GA’s overall continuity, but was the third story released overall during May’s second week.

It’s a Birthday, Yes It Is takes place in late August, making it the furthest-removed from GA’s timeline by 3-4 months (until the release of Our Tomorrow – a direct sequel to this story taking place exactly one year later, but won’t be listed here as it was made long after Stevidot Month ended). It was the second story released for Stevidot Month. 

Anyone Can Die: The moment White Pearl and Blue Diamond die (relatively close to the same time) by Chapter 6 of Act I makes it apparent no punches will be pulled in this story; especially after it’s made clear how much of a Complete Monster White Diamond is in this continuity. Yellow Diamond falls two chapters later, and at least for a short while it’s presumed Peridot met a similar fate. There’s also the concept of pallification, which renders several hundred gems functionally dead in Act I alone. The majority of the gems left on the planet end up pallified by the time the Crystal Gems return to Homeworld in Act III. By the climax of said act, White Diamond self-destructs. On a smaller scale, almost every original character introduced in GA either dies or is already dead upon introduction. 5XF is the only one so far who averts this.

Astral Projection: An aspect of Steven’s developing powers in Act III. During Chapter 4, an all-pink astral projection of Steven travels into Peridot’s subconscious to find out what White Diamond did to fragment her mind. A bit later in Chapter 8, astral projections of Steven and Peridot are seen superimposed over the corporeal forms of Pink Diamond 2.0 and Chartreuse Diamond to signify both coming to terms with their Alter Egos becoming part of them and becoming whole.

Autodoc: The restoration machines that are abundant and scattered across Homeworld, which the Crystal Gems use to speed up the recovery process for Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl at the end of Chapter 6 of Act I.

Badasses in Distress: All of the imperiled Crystal Gems at the start of the story qualify. After Act I, Peridot takes their place.\

The Big Damn Kiss: Steven gives Peridot a pretty significant one in Act I’s final chapter right in the middle of a large and busy battlefield before they split ways to help their friends. Punctuated with a deliberate Shout-Out to Gem Drill.

Big Damn Reunion: Chapters 6 and 7 of Act I is this, as is Chapter 5 of Act III for the follow-up rescue mission.

Birthday Episode: It’s a Birthday, Yes It Is serves as one for Peridot. It also loosely applies to Steven, as his birthday is less than two weeks before hers and is frequently referenced (the pair’s chronological ages are 14 and 15 respectively by this point). Our Tomorrow is a direct sequel to the aforementioned story taking place exactly a year later, making Peridot 15 and Steven 16.

Bittersweet Ending: GA’s conclusion in a nutshell. The Diamond Authority is no longer a threat to anyone, but Homeworld is destroyed, meaning the Crystal Gems have to directly deal with the fallout of this particular revolution while ensuring Earth’s safety. Now they have thousands, if not millions of gems to help adapt to life on Earth and teach the concept of independence and free thought. Homeworld’s colony planets are doomed to civil disorder and collapse unless the heroes directly help, but that also presents a risk if they don’t play their cards right. Peridot and Steven’s lives are irrevocably shaken in their own right, and they’re the ones who’ll have to be the most involved in helping the Homeworld refugees. And there’s still the matter of curing not only the corrupted gems, but now the pallids as well. While GA ended the best way it possibly could, given the circumstances, there’s still a lot of work ahead for the Crystal Gems… and a lot of it will be unpleasant/awkward at best and outright life-threatening at worst. 

Blank White Void: The nature of the Pocket Dimensions featured in Act III, save for the one Steven is initially imprisoned in at the end of Chapter 3.

[tumblunni]

Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

SO

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house

[imamessofawriter]

Tododeku week 2018

Day 5

Theme: Promises

Quote: “Life is bristling with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to cultivate one’s garden.” — Voltaire, letter to Pierre-Joseph Luneau de Boisjermain (21 October 1769)

Warnings: Alternate Universe.

@tododeku-week 

FF.net | AO3

Garden of promises

Todoroki Shōto had started his part time job as barista in a coffee shop close to his university campus. After rebelling against his father by choosing a fine art major, Todoroki Enji had cut off all financial support in regards to his son. Leaving a nineteen-year-old boy almost broke and without any money. Shōto had been grateful for his scholarship to take off the load by paying the tuition fees. Leaving whatever money he has to pay rent, and as living expenses for food and other necessities.

The coffee shop was small and located at the corner of an empty street. Its location made it ideal for coffee loving college student to frequent and order coffee that wasn’t Starbucks or Costa. The entire street wasn’t appealing, it consisted of small random shops whose target was definitely not the academic demographic.

Opposite of the small shop was a huge and loud flower shop. Colors and designs that are enough to blind one’s eyes. However, it was the busiest and most visited shop in the street. Having more customers than Zero Gravity Coffee.

“Listen Todoroki, every day you will be delivering a flat white, except on Fridays it’ll be an Americano, both in extra-large to All Mighty flowers across from us at 11:30 in the morning to a guy named Midoriya Izuku,” Uraraka Ochako, the shift manager, explained, “he has wild and untamed green hair, the greenest eyes you’ve ever seen and freckles.”

“We do deliveries?” Shōto had asked, confused. He hadn’t read anything about deliveries in the job description.

“No,” she answered in a bubbly voice, “Deku is a close friend and our number one customer so we kind of spoil him.”

“Deku?”

“It’s a nickname,” the lively manager smiled sheepishly, “now off to work.”

It was only the first week and Shōto had went to deliver the flat white in extra-large every day at 11:30 as told. And every day he would be greeted by a huge smile and a dirt covered teen, who seemed to be quite flustered and doesn’t know his bearings as well. The freckled man would pay Shōto and thank him for his cup of coffee, and then he would start muttering excessively about pot’s and seeds.

On Friday per Uraraka’s instruction, he made an Americano in extra-large and took it to the flower shop. His backpack on his shoulder and out of the shop’s uniform. “Midoriya, your americano is here,” he announced, looking around the unusually, almost quiet shop.

“Just a second,” he heard the frustrated yell coming from the back of the shop. Soon he was greeted with Midoriya, looking different from usual. The green haired male was out of his gardening apron and uniform, he wasn’t covered in dirt for once, and he was carrying a backpack.

“Thank you,” he greeted, taking the foam cup and handing Shōto the money.

“You are a student as well?” Shōto asked, never having seen Midoriya in anything other than his work uniform or anywhere out of the shop.

“Yeah,” Midoriya nodded, moving to grab a small flower arrangement made of yellow lilies, goldenrod and daffodils. They were the same exact arrangement as the one in the middle of the shop front window, even in the same vase. “Uraraka said that the old arrangement is withering so I made a new one,” he explained, “I need to drop it off.”

“I’ll help you,” Todoroki offered, “either way I need to put the money in the till.”

“Tsyu-chan tell Yagi-san that I’m going to class and take care,” he yelled to his coworker, who was at the other end of the shop. He had seen her on Monday, Wednesday and now Friday. At first, he thought that she and Midoriya were siblings until he read her name tag. There was another girl who worked at the shop, Todoroki had only seen her working after 3PM. She also had green hair that looked like vines, and he again thought that she was related to Midoriya somehow.

“Don’t worry Midoriya-chan,” she replied, “Ibara-chan will be here in a few to cover your shift.”

The two went to the coffee shop together. Todoroki giving one of the workers the money to put on the till while Midoriya placed the flowers in the shop window. “Mind if we walk together?” Midoriya asked as he skipped towards Todoroki. He was already out of the shop and in the street.

“It’s fine,” was all Todoroki said, his eyes glued to the phone in his hands. They walked in an awkward silent, Midoriya occasionally sipping his americano and tapping on his phone. “What major are you in?” Todoroki suddenly asked out of the blue to break the ice. As they neared the campus, the number of students around them growing larger.

“Social sciences, majoring in psychology,” Izuku replied, “what about you?”

“Fine arts, architecture.”

“I thought architecture was part of the college of engineering?”

“That’s Architectural engineering,” Shōto answered, annoyed with the question, “I specialize in the aesthetics of architect, the visuals and designs.”

“I see,” Izuku nodded and stopped in his tracks. He pointed towards a second road, “I’m heading that way but I’ll see you around.”

Shōto waved and headed towards his class. Ever since that day, he and Midoriya became close acquaintances but not enough to call themselves friends. Shōto had learned that all of Midoriya’s classes were from 8 am till 11 am and then he will resume from 2:30 pm till 4:00pm. The only exception was Friday where he had some sort of research class from 12:00 pm till 2:15 pm.

Months have passed and Shōto was free to visit his mother during winter break. He decided that because it’s the first time in almost a long time since he last saw his mother, he would ask Midoriya to make a flower arrangement for her. He had seen the wonderous arrangement the psychologist had done and had full faith in his abilities.

“Who are they for?” Midoriya asked, taking a sip of his flat white.

“My mother,” Todoroki admitted, rubbing his neck sheepishly, “I haven’t visited her in a long time and I wanted to give her a nice basket or arrangement.”

“Sure thing,” Midoriya smiled, “just describe her to me and I will make you the perfect basket.”

“I don’t understand how describing my mother will help you make a perfect basket, I thought I would pick her favorite flower and some red roses?”

“Todoroki-kun, red roses mean love and romance,” Midoriya explained. He bore an aghast expression as if Todoroki had said something offensive or scandalous. “If you want to show your mother that you love her you would go with pink or orange roses, or maybe something that means pure love like a white carnation or perhaps a sunflower or, or a sweet pea, something like that.”

“I didn’t know that.” The dual haired boy admitted, not bothered by the muttering and rambling, having gotten used to it since the start of the semester, “what about amaryllis?”

“Let’s see, a star shaped means pride, determination,” Izuku began, “and it is also used to indicate worth beyond beauty. But the story behind it is quite sad, the Greeks said that Amaryllis fell in love with Alteo, and to win him over she dressed in white and stabbed her heart 30 times in front of his door with a golden arrow, killing herself. When Alteo came out he saw a beautiful crimson flower covered in red from the blood of her heart.”

“That’s deep.”

“Most flowers are,” Izuku chuckled, “but people don’t care about their meanings, they care about how beautiful and attractive they are. Like surface attraction but once they know what’s underneath they get turned off by it.”

“I see,” Shōto nodded, seemingly thoughtful for a few seconds, “then can you make a basket that represent strength, appreciation, and innocence?”

“What’s your budget?”

“Since it’s for my mother I would rather not put a limit.”

“Any specific date or time you want them done, so they can be fresh when she receives them?”

“The week after the next, on the 15th, how about it?” Shōto asked, after revisiting his schedule in his mind, “when I deliver your flat white would be nice.”

“Got it, in 10 days” Midoriya noted in his book, muttering about many possibilities and combinations, seeming very focused at the moment. Shōto smiled and left the boy to his own devices, heading back to the coffee shop with a box of new centerpieces for their tables.

In the next ten days that he would visit to deliver the coffee cup, he would stay at Midoriya’s for five minutes and learn about flower’s and their meanings. Afterhours, the two would meet and talk about life, their past, their hopes and future. Shōto began opening up about his childhood, how his mother has been hospitalized for a decade, and his father cutting him off financially. How every other week a challenge stood in his way and he had to fight it. How sometimes he almost thought of giving up his dream to satisfy his father.

In turn Midoriya was able to quickly assess Todoroki’s mood, his mental state. He used his knowledge in psychology to cheer the boy up during their five-minute exchange every morning. During those visits, sometimes the florist would hand him a single piece of flower and say that it describes him or to cheer him up. And every time, Shōto would put the flower in a vase at his dorm room until it withered and he had to throw it out.

He had chrysanthemums because he is honest. Alstroemeria for their friendship and fortune. Pear blossom for a lasting friendship. Aster because it symbolizes Shōto’s patience and elegance. A gladiolus for his strength of character. And every time, he would open his laptop and search for the meaning and history of the flower. Looking for more meanings and symbols than the ones Midoriya had gave him.

“Your total would be 30,600 yen please,” Midoriya stated as he took the flat white from Shōto, “but since you are a friend I gave you a 15% discount and now it’s 26,000 yen.”

“That’s…” Shōto looked at Midoriya trying to think of the right word. That was roughly his entire paycheck for the week. He was just grateful that he had been saving almost 3000 yen per week and setting them to the side.

“Expensive I know, but it’s the cheapest arrangement I could make but still enough to wow your mother and she can use it like a centerpiece or decoration” Midoriya stated, leaving his coffee on the counter and grabbing a large basket. Or what was supposed to be a basket. It was a large round blue glass vase with yellow and gold engravings. There were many different flowers arranged accordingly, sage and oak leaves wrapping the flowers. Purple hyacinth’s, daylilies, a single lotus at the corner next to some sweet woodruff. There were white carnations, goldenrod, blue forget-me-not’s, white valerians, blue and yellow irises, and even some amaryllis.

Looking at the basket, Todoroki understood why it was expensive. It was neat and elegant even though there were tons of different flowers in there. It had exceeded his expectations.

“I used a blue vase instead of a normal basket because it’s much nicer. The hyacinth means sorrow, forgiveness and regret. Don’t worry the daylilies are not toxic, and in Chinese they represent mothers. A lotus for purity and rebirth. Some woodruff because it means humility since both you described your mother as a modest person. The white carnation means sweet and lovely, as well as innocence and pure love. Goldenrod are used to encourage people and I thought that your mother would definitely need encouraging. Blue forget-me-not’s that pretty self-explanatory, white valerians are known to calm people. And some blue Irises for faith and hope while the yellow are for passion. I also added a few amaryllises since they are her favorite and they mean pride. I also covered any holes or areas with sage, they symbol of wisdom and oak leaves which mean strength.” Midoriya explained rather quickly, before clamping a hand over his mouth, cheeks red in embarrassment, “I’m doing it again, aren’t I.”

“Wow,” Todoroki breathed, awestruck, “they are beautiful, thank you.”

He grabbed his wallet and paid Izuku for the arrangement. All the while a smile on his face, seemingly happy and content with it. “If she takes care of them well and water them, they can last up to a month,” Midoriya pointed, “and tell me about the visit when you come back, I’ll miss you bringing my coffee.”

Shōto had said goodbye to Midoriya and went back to his dorm room. Picking up some things and heading out to visit his mother. The visit was quite short in itself, he had reconciled with his mother in his first year of high school, and the last time he saw her was at the beginning of his third year. He had updated her with his situation, but it seems that her mental health had not made any progress since he last saw her.

“It’s like the don’t even try with her,” Shōto complained, the sun low in the sky as he sat on the flower shop counter the weekend he returned. He turned and looked at Midoriya who was busy trying to arrange some red roses, primroses with some heliotropes in a medium sized bouquet for a guy who was going to propose to his girlfriend on their four-year anniversary.

“They are giving her the wrong treatments,” Midoriya commented, completely focused on his flowers. “If it were up to me I would start by having looking at the source of her breakdown, making a list of factors that affected her in chronological order. Then I will start slowly from the last factor making my way to the first. They are trying to treat the root of the problem without addressing all the other problems, it’s like asking a baby to walk before he starts crawling. They seem desperate to have her forgive your father without acknowledging everything else. Mentioning him at every session will damage her more than help her. but that would also depend on how willing she is to discuss everything and to seek therapy. Did the hospital change her doctors? Do they let her walk around the hospital or be out in the open? Being cooped up on the same place for ten years can be pretty damaging as well. Do –”

“Midoriya you are muttering again,” Todoroki had cut off the florist, looking at him with a smile, “I barely made a word of what you’re saying.”

“Sorry,” the florist blushed as he wrapped the flowers in black tissue paper with a brown string holding it all together. He smiled brightly as he sat the flower down, looking at it in deep thought. “Hey Todoroki,” he called, “can she wait for me?”

“Who?” the architect cooked his head to the side in confusion. Not following where the conversation was headed to or who the florist was talking about.

“Your mother,” the other smiled, a soft and comforting smile, “once I finish my degree I will treat her and help her.”

“You would?” he asked. Knowing that the other was fully planning to help his mother. He got to know Midoriya and the kind of person he was, there was no doubt that the freckled man was going to help her.

“I promise to you that I will make her better.”

“In that case I will design your office,” Todoroki smiled back, “There will be a lot of flowers engravings and flower prints, the ceiling will have a painting of a flower garden, how about that?”

“That sounds lovely.”

Since that week, Midoriya Izuku would study about abuse victims in his free time. He would still continue observing Shōto whenever they would hang around. Making the boy a flower crown of his favorite flowers whenever he was sad or overly emotional. Sometimes he sends Shōto a flower with a small note whenever he delivered some centerpieces to the coffee shop. Occasionally picking the coffee order himself just so they can chat. Uraraka giving them the look and shooing them back to work, sporting a knowing grin.

One day a small bouquet with only six flowers, was delivered to Todoroki Rei’s hospital room, two pink roses, two irises and two white clovers. She was surprised to see the flowers and wondered who had sent them. She took the card and read the message, shaking as tears of happiness trickled down her cheek.

Pink roses are for grace. Irises are for good new. White clover means ‘I promise’.

Todoroki Rei, I promises to help you and your son in any way I can. I will make sure that he is happy.

The future will be bright.

Signed, Shōto’s friend.

That day Todoroki Shōto had received a call from the hospital. His mother told him about the flowers and asked him to thank Midoriya. The next day the florist arrived at the flower shop to find a steaming cup of flat white on the counter, next to it was a single dark pink rose with a note attached.

Would like to go out on a date sometime?

Todoroki Shōto.

P.S. The coffee is on me.

Midoriya smiled at the carefully chosen flower, the symbol it meant. Gratitude and love.

.

“Hey Izuku,” Shōto greeted kissing Midoriya on the cheek, and waved to the other occupant of the room, “hey mom”. The two had grown older since then. They graduated from college and started their careers.  Izuku as promised had went to Todoroki Rei and helped her more than any doctor had accomplished to do. He managed to have her check out of the hospital and is currently living with him and Shōto in their house.

Todoroki had paid him back by designing his therapy center. A wall covered in 3D flowers with their meanings underneath each one. The ceiling looked like a roman painting of angels and cupids tending to a flower garden. The garden had greatly resembled the personal garden in their backyard, it was filled with flowers ranging from roses to poppies, carnations, dandelions and jasmines. There was also a cherry blossom tree.

And every time they went through something or felt an emotion strongly, they would grow a flower that represent that emotion. They called it their garden of promises. 

A/N: Todoroki’s receives minimum wage which is 800 yen (appx $7.25) which I worked out by converting $7.25 into yen and rounding the number, he works for 6 hours a day and makes roughly 4800 yen/day ($45), again 800x6, every day during the week makes his weekly allowance, 33600 yen ($300). The bouquet initially costed $275 but was discounted to roughly $230. The arrangement is professionally made and uses many different flowers so obviously this bouquet will be expensive compared to grocery shop bouquets, also taking into account that the thing was really huge, almost 20 inches in diameter.

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Hi! Sorry if this is a bother, but do you happen to have a fic rec about your favourite Snamione/Lumione fics? :D I'm in need of some reading material tbh 😂

Hey! Oh, I can definitely give you some favs! I only recently got back into reading Snamione and Lumione, so I’m very behind on fics, and have a spreadsheet of like 200 fics of those two ships that I tell myself I’m going to read, if I ever have the time haha. I’ll give you the ones I’ve read so far that I really enjoyed. They’re mostly pretty long fics, because I tend to lean towards epic fics with loads of character development. If you do happen to read any of them, feel free to let me know what you thought! :D 

I’m putting a keep reading bar because this got a lot longer than I expected it to.

For Snamione:

-Chasing the Sun by Loten. This is my #1 favorite Snamione slow burn so far. It’s pretty long, has a reallll long slow burn, but is SO worth it. I dare you to read the first 3 chapters and not be hooked with the background tale she weaves of Snape. And that’s all I’ll say about that one, otherwise I’ll write an entire essay on how much I friggin LOVED that fic. 

-Post Tenabras, Lux also by Loten. This is another amazing one. Not as much of a slow burn, and it’s set 10 years post-war. But holy shit, it’s SO good. Loten is a genius writer, and she delves into the psychology and mental health of Severus and Hermione in such a beautiful way in both her longer fics. She portrays all the horrors of Snape’s past in a way that gives you all the feels, and then allows him to finally get the love and redemption that (I think) he always deserved. I walked around with a huge, goofy smile on my face the rest of the day when I finished both this and Chasing the Sun. 

-Pet Project by Caeria. This is a long as HELL slow burn. Seriously, it’s like almost all slow burn, which got a bit frustrating at times, but also, I love the torture of slow burn, and this was torture of the utmost level. It’s one of those fics where you squeal in happiness the first time Snape doesn’t openly sneer at Hermione and instead just neutrally glares, that’s how slow of a burn it is haha. It’s so much fun to see Hermione trying to be on Snape’s side and have his back, while also not wanting him to know that’s what she’s doing. It takes forever for her to win him over, but that’s what makes it so captivating a read, at least for me. 

-The Love You Take by Subersa. This is a very interesting fic, in that Hermione is cursed by Voldemort to be sexually bonded to the first man she sees when she wakes up. He means for it to be Dumbledore, but Dumbledore pushes Snape in front of her, instead. So, we start off the fic with Hermione being cursed to need sexual release from Snape on a VERY frequent basis. I was really hesitant to read this one, because they sleep together really early on in the fic (and I tend to prefer slow burns), but holy crap, this author kept me hooked the entire way through. Besides the plot being phenomenal, she proved me wrong in thinking I couldn’t enjoy a long fic that started out with smut. The diversity in the love/sex scenes was just…ugh, so good. It never felt repetitive or boring, and the very end of the fic, at the post-war ceremony, had me in tears. It was beautiful. 

-Of Muggles and Magic by Aurette. I just finished this fic on Friday, and it was a glorious historical AU Snamione fic. It starts out when Hermione is 11 years old, and goes through her growing up, in a way that is very different than her canon Hogwarts experience. It has a very Pride & Prejudice and Jane Eyre type of feel, which was really fun to read. And there were some hilarious parts that had me choking back cackles while reading on my work breaks. This was my first time reading a fic by Aurette, and I know it will most certainly not be my last, because her writing is phenomenal. 

-Clash of the Conjurers by llorolluvia. This is another one where Snape and Hermione are cursed together, thanks to Voldemort. In this one, Hermione is cursed to obey any and every command Snape gives to her. She’s seen by the Death Eaters as a sort of “pet” for him…but he quickly comes to see her as much more than that. This was another fic that wasn’t a slow burn, but still kept me captivated the entire way through. I especially loved the other characters’ reactions each time one of them found out about Snape and Hermione’s relationship. That’s a trope I adore, when the others find out and are so enraged and suspicious, but then they slowly see little moments of Snape showing affection towards Hermione, and come to learn that he really does care about her, after all. Le sigh. 

-Debaucery by Desert_Sea. This is a post-war fic where Severus has handled his demons by…basically…becoming a playboy. He goes around sleeping with every woman he meets, since he’s now seen as this attractive, bad boy, war hero. Hermione is pretty disgusted with him…but also intrigued to know if he’s really as good in bed as all the other women around her say he is. It’s a funny and sexy fic, as are all of Desert_Sea’s fics that I’ve read so far. 

-Doing it for the Order also by Desert_Sea. This is one where Snape (and the other Death Eaters) are cursed to sleep with at least one muggle once every week, courtesy of Voldemort (he sure does like to curse this couple lol). Rather than Snape try to find a new muggle each week, Dumbledore enlists Hermione to help Snape with his, uh, little problem ;)

-Tango also by Desert_Sea. This one is just pretty much a few chapters of PWP but omgggg it’s so hot! One of my favorite Snamione tropes is them dancing together in front of the rest of Hogwarts. And that’s how this fic starts out. With a sexy as fuck tango, which leads to even sexier as fuck smut. 

-Teaching Miss Granger by OracleObscured. So, I am only about halfway through this fic, mainly because if I read more than 2 or 3 chapters at a time, I run a very real risk of spontaneous combustion. This is a huge fic of pretty much pure porn. It’s also mainly BDSM porn. It’s dirty as fuckkkk and it gets me too overheated to read a lot of at once, so I pick it up here and there to read a bit of when I feel physical prepared to do so. 

-Quartet also by OracleObscured. So, like the other fic by this author, this one is pretty much all porn with some plot thrown in. But, this one is a Hermion/Snape/Lucius/Draco fic. Yes, they all fuck her at the same time, as well as on their own. Draco is more like her sub in this, Lucius is the loving, sensual dom, and Severus is the authoritative, I’m in charge dom. They all play really well off one another (altho not gonna lie, I prefer Severus the most). It’s another dirty as hell fic. It’s not completed, which is a good thing, because I can only handle this one a chapter or two at a time, when it updates. 

For Lumione

-Eden by obsessmuch. Okay, so this story is not for the faint of heart. It is angsty as hell, and the ending…omg, it will ruin you. I still think about it months later. Like, it’ll randomly pop up in my head and I just sit and stare at the wall and think “holy shit” because it just messed with my emotions that much. This fic honestly ruined me for most other Lumione fics, and I am struggling to find any other fics of this pairing that come close to this one. Lucius is NOT fluffy or romantic in this. He’s the canon Death Eater Lucius that I imagine him to be. He’s a horrible man, and he treats Hermione horribly. In fact, he tortures the hell out of her in the beginning of the fic, and I was at first shocked by my own fascination with the story. But I just…I couldn’t stop reading. This book sucked me up, wouldn’t let go until the ride was over, then spit me back out an emotional wreck. Their relationship is unhealthy, obsessive, Stockholm Syndrome at its finest, and if you dare to read it, I would LOVE to hear what you think about it. 

-Ninety Days of Darkness by Fragilereality. This is another darker Lucius fic (altho not nearly as dark as Eden). Hermione is a prisoner in Malfoy Manor, and the two are forced into an engagement by Voldemort. It’s a very interesting tale, although I will say I read this pretty soon after reading Eden, and I just couldn’t stop comparing it to that fic. So this one is great, but I should’ve given myself time to process my feels over Eden before trying to read it. 

-For Pure Blood by malfoycouture. So, I haven’t finished this one, which makes me sad, because it had me HOOKED in the beginning. Hermione finds out that the order needs a rare ingredient in the war against Voldemort, an ingredient only the Malfoys possess. So, she offers Lucius a trade: the ingredient for her virginity. What I loved about this fic was all the characters were so damn smart, and always a step ahead of each other. Not just Hermione and Lucius, but also Ginny and Narcissa. It has a lot of intrigue and is action-packed, but for some reason, I think that’s what kinda made me drift from it. I made it about 18 of the 22 chapters in (the chapters are pretty huge) before I lost interest and drifted off to read a Snamione fic, instead, and I have yet to come back and finish it. Perhaps I shall try to do so in the near future. 

-Girl Talk by Snapes_Goddess. This fic is on adultfanfiction.net, and the set up of all those fics is really weird now, with these weird symbols in place of all punctuation, so if you can’t look past that annoyance, I totally get it. I found this fic back when I was first obsessed with HP fanfiction yearssss ago. And honestly, just about anything by that author is fabulous. She writes a lot of Snamione and Lumione fics, both short smutty ones and longer ones. I was obsessed with her back in the day, and Girl Talk is one of my favorites of hers. It’s mostly smut, but also has a romance to it. Basically, it starts out with Lucius overhearing Hermione tell Ginny that she’s never had enjoyable sex. He offers his…”services” and god damnnnnn the smut is hot in this. Lucius is a sex god. I go back and re-read certain chapters of this fic more times than I care to admit. Mostly the first 5 or 6 chapters. The scene where he fucks her up against a pillar at a Ministry ceremony, with Harry and the others only a few feet away… *fans self rapidly*

There ya have it! Those are the main Snamione and Lumione fics that popped into my head that I’ve enjoyed! If you know of any others that you’d recommend, feel free to throw em my way! 

Also, I’m currently reading this AMAZING vampire romance/mystery fic I found on Wattpad (it’s the first non-fanfiction fic I’ve read in a long time, but I’m hooked). I actually have been picturing a younger Severus as the lead vampire while reading it haha. If anyone is interested, go check it out. It’s called Belle Mort by Bella_Higgin. It’s the first in a series of 3 books, and it perfectly blends together humor, mystery, and sexiness. I’m just now discovering how many amazing original novels are on Wattpad, and idk whether to cry in happiness or scream in despair that it’s going to cause me to add a billion more books to my “need to read” list lol. 

[whythefuckisthisstillathing]

Life update. Love, death, despair, and fulfillment.

I’m happy to be at a place in my life where I have a good job with good income that allows me to pay all of my bills, own a new car, have an actual savings, and still have good money to do what I want. Not that I ever have any time to do the things that I want, because I’ve been working 50-60 hours a week, but it’s nice to not have to ration my income to choose between eating or having the things that I want. If I want something, I get it. I’ve already made more in 6 months than I made in the last two years combined. I’m turning 26, and I feel like I’m done with the phase of my life that was rampant with struggle and hopelessness. I’m still majorly depressed most of the time and physically exhausted, but my only stresses are the amount of time I spend at work, and not getting as much sleep as I’d like. I’ll settle for that, though. I don’t fear for my job security like I used to, because I know they depend on me. They know that I’m the one that shows up, and I’m the one that volunteers to do the shit that nobody else wants to do. I get along with everyone that I work with, and I have a great rapport with all of my supervisors. I’m setting myself up for promotions, and the opportunity to work my way into the middle class. The things I do do not fufill my purpose, and if you told me that this is what I’d be doing ten years ago, I’d probably have put a gun in my mouth a long time ago, but that’s life. A job is a job. Influential people don’t have more worth than anyone else, more people know about them. Who gives a shit? We’re all going to be in the ground one day, no matter how famous or rich you may be. For now, I’m content in my financial security. The only thing missing from my life is love. I don’t have friends anymore. I haven’t had any for over a year now. I can’t say that I blame them for writing me off. I didn’t have my shit together and I was stuck. Losing everyone was honestly the best thing for me. It’d have been great to grow with the people that I loved, but sometimes you need to cut ties with the things that hold you down. Not to say that anyone other than me is responsible for the position I put myself in, but it was the push I needed to figure my shit out. I still struggle with my food addiction and I’m spiraling again due to my lack of self control and my stress level. I know that the only thing holding me back from finding someone to be with, or a group of new friends is my weight, but I still can’t change. Maybe I’m not mentally capable of holding down a high pressure career and making smart decisions when it comes to the food I eat and the amount of exercise I get. At the end of the day, I know that’s bullshit too. Every night I tell myself I’m hitting the reset button when I wake up, but then I get to work sleep deprived, develope a headache, and then eat whatever bullshit is fast and readily available. I’m finally getting tattooed tomorrow. Completely covering my right forearm and starting a sleeve. Hopefully it’ll motivate me to finally lose the rest of the weight, start lifting again, and fill out my upper arms so I can finish the sleeve without having loose skin or warped tattoos if I were to finish the sleeve still while fat. I don’t know man. I want to be the man my father never was. I want to meet a good girl that I can grow with. I want to make even more money and work less.

I’m saving for a new bulldog puppy. Losing my best friend in February crushed me. Cody came into my life a week later, and I fell in love with him immediately. He filled in a huge hole in my heart. Having him die on my lap three months later killed me. We were having the best day. I took him on a road trip and he was out with me all day. His heart couldn’t take it in the end and it burst in his chest. I’ll never get over trying to revive him and having to deal with loading his body in the trunk and driving an hour back home knowing he was back there and I couldn’t do anything about it. I’m destroyed and I need another bulldog to care for. I could rescue a dog, but if you’ve never had a bulldog, you don’t know what it’s like to live with one. I’ll probably always need a bulldog. I don’t know how to close this, but I needed to get it out somewhere. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it and I need to let this shit go somehow so I can move forward.

[betterpathoflyfe]

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundariiiies! - 6/28/21

Okay, so something I really need to work on is continuing to update my site regardless of whether or not I have a blog post prepared. This is mainly because I'll get to a point where I feel as though, aesthetically, my pictures are at a perfect place (oop, there goes that perfectionism) to insert a blog post...but I don't always have something prepared to write about...

THAT BEING SAID.

We have something to write about! :)

I found a blog post today and the prompt was: what boundaries could you set in your relationships to safeguard your own well-being?

Boundaries. Interestingly enough, I never grasped just how important boundaries are when it comes to relationships. This is mainly because of certain aspects of my upbringing that totally disregarded boundaries. However, this year, boundaries have been at the forefront of my mind, and I really believe that that is one thing God wants me to work on, as it also correlates to His instruction of guarding my heart (I actually just thought about that!).

Therefore, some boundaries that I could set in my relationships to safeguard my own well-being are as follows:

Friends & Significant Others

No answering calls/texts (unless it’s an emergency) past 10:30PM. I’ve always valued my late nights, and it’s also a time where I either decide to watch a movie, write, talk to God, or go to sleep. Regardless, if I’m not asleep already, any time past 10:30 is my time. This is one that I need to exercise more though, because I do feel like I’m too accessible sometimes.

Agree to disagree. If you know me, you know I’m not one to go on yelling back and forth with someone. I have no problem having disagreements, but when it gets to the point where we both start raising our voices or anger begins to step in…yeeaah, we can just agree to disagree because I refuse to exert that much energy. This is mainly because 7 times out of 10, the discussion isn’t that deep. I’ve been pretty good at this but it is still one I want to work on

Quick side note: this is how you know I need to work on setting other boundaries because I had to look up, “healthy boundaries in relationships” for other ideas LOL

Saying “No”. THIIIISSS is the boundary that I need to really get ingrained in my head, man!!! Now I do believe I’ve come a long way with this, but there are still things (even now) that I needed to say no to but took it on anyway because…well…I knew it would make the person happy.

BUT GIRL ARE YOU HAPPY DOING IT?!? *snaps* no. So this boundary, FO SHO, is one I need to practice more and more

Another quick side note: when I was researching other boundaries that I could set, this article first talked about this and when I tell you I was like “dang, alright, heard you”:

People without boundaries are often people pleasers. They frequently fulfill everyone else’s needs but their own, so they experience a growing dissatisfaction inside. Their basic needs compete with everyone around them because they don’t know how to take care of themselves or set boundaries.”

Significant Others Only:

Respecting each other’s thoughts. No cutting off each other during an argument. As simple as this sounds, I hear or hear about so many arguments where people are listening to argue instead of listening to understand. Knowing myself, I am a person who does my best to listen to understand. This is frankly because I don’t like being misunderstood myself, especially by someone who I love. That being said, I think it’s an important boundary for me to be involved and be in a courtship with someone who can respect my thoughts and opinions just as much as I would respect theirs. And again, I’m not exactly one to argue, so if it does come to the aspect where we are suddenly becoming angrier and angrier, I rather just agree to disagree and move on. Each point is made but never made in anger towards each other.

No sex before marriage. Whew…that’s a loaded one, ain’t it? But not really. This is one that, I’m not gonna lie, I struggled with because there are some fine specimens of men out here, let me tell youuuu. And Lord knows it ain’t no issue to make it happen, cap’n. But I recently watched this message called “Lay with Fire” by Michael Todd and it really was a huge reminder for me as to why I’m waiting, because, for a minute, I was like, “do I truly care to wait if I find the one and he has just about everything I desire in a man?” Honestly, I was like man…is it really worth the wait? But when I tell you I was reminded in that message that I'm not waiting for no reason, you feel me? God created sex but for it to be enjoyed in the container of marriage, and for good reason. I’m gonna drop the link because the pastor really explained it in a way for my generation to understand, but still back it up with what God said in His Word: https://youtu.be/0LI4e_Y9syo

On top of this, it truly is something, a gift, that I want to give to my husband one day because that’s truly what I see it as - a gift. And although it’s not common, to hopefully know that my future husband was saving this gift for me as well? It’s just a beautiful thing to marvel about. Even writing this just gave me another reminder and some encouragement to continue to wait! (Thanks, God!).

Now while the list could go on and on, these are just a few main boundaries that are most important to me right, as well as ones that I could definitely implement more in my relationships.

I liked this prompt :) really made me think and reflect.

Just as a few other life updates:

I’ve really begun my graduate school research and OMG. I’m…overwhelmed a bit? I don’t know why but the hardest part right now is locking in the career I want to pursue. In a nutshell, I want to be a career counselor, professor, and mental health psychologist. But which career do I pursue first??? On top of that, since I’ll be graduating early, I sort of need to hurry up with all of these different deadlines that come up for grad schools. Then, picking the right program? Then this dang GRE TEST that I just now bought the book for to take the test in August?!? Bro…I’m just like Lord please guide me in this decision because I have no clue! Life is just coming so fast right now and I’m like WAIT! But…it’ll come together. I just need to hurry up and decide on this sooner rather than later, you know?

On a lighter note, I’ve been watching RDCWorld’s playthroughs on their gaming channel (I loved the Mario Party ones and now I’m waiting on them to update their next playthrough of the Walking Dead), and they are hilarious, which I guess is expected since it’s RDC lol. But they’re really great.

I’ve ALSO been working out again! But not just working out…making healthy meal replacement smoothies :) they’re really good and I found them off of YouTube. I kinda slacked this past weekend, but I’m back on it starting tomorrow.

Finally, I just wanna say that God has been growing me up in certain areas of my spiritual walk a LOT. I’ll do a separate blog post about that. But I’m just super grateful. Even today at work, a customer told me that he couldn’t help but notice my positive energy and was like, “could I ask what that’s about” and I said, “Jesus, man!” He said, “I knew it!” It was just a really great and encouraging exchange.

Anyway, it’s 9:36PM and I’m gonna call it a night and watch another gameplay lol goodnight!

“Boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not judgments, punishments, or betrayals. Boundaries teach people how to treat you, and they teach you how to respect yourself.” – Cheryl Strayed

~ May the Author

[pyxel-spree]

ultimate back to school masterpost

it has come…the witching hour…the time of doom is now upon us…okay so obviously ignore me, i’m a huge nerd. but if you’re like me, going back to school is a terrible, nerve-wracking experience. so here are some tips to help you survive this.

1. Do. Your. Summer. Work. If you haven’t started on it now, turn off whatever device you’re reading this on and start working. Many teachers will test you on whatever summer work you were assigned, and occasionally it can count for a significant portion of your first semester grade. Seriously, don’t put it off until the last minute, because then you really won’t want to do it. Plus, then you’ll have more time to focus on binge-watching Netflix uninterrupted. 

2. Whether you’re moving to an entirely new school or just a new grade, things will change this year in some way. You have to be ready for it. And you-yes, you-can be one of those things. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself. Want to dye your hair? Try a new extracurricular? Break a bad habit? Learn a new language? Go for it. 

3. Push yourself, but not at the expense of your mental health. No test or project is worth breaking down over. That being said, procrastination is the enemy of progress. You won’t do it later-and if you do, you won’t do it as well as you could have. 

4. Make time for your friends and yourself. Don’t let school take over your life. Self care and having fun are important too. 

5. Wherever you are, whenever you are, people are going to judge you. It’s how we’re wired-we’re a judgmental species. There’s really no point in worrying about how other people perceive you because you can’t please everyone. You could be an actual saint canonized by the pope AND cure cancer AND negotiate an armistice between the forces of good and the rabid radioactive alien wolves sworn to destroy all humanity and still some people are going to call you “bitchy,” “fake,” “weird,” “trying too hard,” et cetera, et cetera. Be unabashedly you. 

6. You are smart. Really really smart. So what if you don’t have perfect grades or the best ACT score? If you’re trying your best-really, really your best-no one can fault you for it. 

7. People who are confident in the knowledge of their own intelligence don’t: 

play the “grade game” i.e. “whadja get??? i’m sure you did great…seriously whadja get tho?? c’mon show me, i won’t tell anyone.” (u know these kids) 

loudly complain about getting an A minus/B plus when they know other people didn’t do as well as them

say they “didn’t study” every time there’s a test

cheat

lecture people when they didn’t ask for it

brag about their grades/scholarships/other opportunities 

compare themselves to/compete with other students constantly

condescend to others

talk about how much “busier” they are than other students all the time

put others down whenever they talk about successes (”i’ve won loads of those; it’s not that hard to do.” “you do know everyone who applied for science olympiad got in, right?”) *the last one someone actually said to me-and it was a blatant lie so double wtf?? 

lie about accomplishments when asked (just say you don’t want to talk about it its? not? that? hard?)

make fun of people who don’t do as well as you

Bottom line: Be honest with yourself-do you do any of these things? If so, why? The truth is, if you view your academic life as this crazy competition, you’re not going to have any fun, you’re going to lose friends over it, and people aren’t going to see you as a role model to emulate, they’re going to think you’re well…an arrogant, self-centered tool. Everyone loves that you care about school, and everyone can see that you’re really smart and driven. You have nothing to prove, and everything to lose. If you want to do well for yourself, that’s great. But if it’s all about one-upping other people, it’s not worth it. Like in writing, show, don’t tell, how competitive of a student you are. 

8. Good friends don’t: 

put you down

exclude you

stifle you 

use you as an emotional dumping ground 

stop supporting you 

tell people your secrets

gaslight you 

manipulate you 

make you feel unsafe

abuse you in any capacity

threaten to rescind their friendship for small offenses

make jokes that you find offensive 

ignore you/give you the silent treatment without telling you what’s wrong

pressure you into doing things you don’t want to

only hang out with you when their “best friends” aren’t around

talk about themselves all the time but never ask you about yourself

mooch off you 

stop talking to you for no reason

refuse to stick up for you when people are being jerks

Bottom line-if you feel like you come in second, if you feel like you’re the one that has to do all the work in the friendship, you have to ask yourself why you’re trying so hard. Having healthy friendships is as important as having healthy romantic relationships. Of course, there are degrees to how toxic friendships can be. I’ve been in some fairly awful ones that I had to cut off completely, but I’ve managed to reconnect with other people who I didn’t have good friendships with (i’m always careful never to get too close to those people though.) If you’re being abused or manipulated by a friend, you need to CUT THAT PERSON OFF. You deserve friends who treat you with respect. If your friends don’t, you’re better off alone (at least until you’ve found some real friends.) 

9. No significant other or crush is more important than your grades, your extracurriculars, or your mental health. If your relationship is taking over your life, take a step back and ask, “Where do I see this going?” Don’t waste time with people who don’t treat you right or people who aren’t interested. When the right person comes along (and they will!), you won’t have to feel nervous or awkward around them. 

10. Study smarter, not harder. Use abbreviations in your notes and find shortcuts to difficult math problems. Of course, do all your homework. It’ll cost you big time in the long run. 

11. Buy some clothes that you actually want to wear, and get rid of the ones that you hate. It’ll make getting up in the morning that much better if you feel confident about how you look. Dress for yourself-you are not “slutty” or “trying too hard” for wanting to look good. 

12. Find your textbooks online so you don’t have to lug them back and forth every day. Don’t wait to buy your supplies-buy them now so you can get good deals and won’t end up scouring every office supply store for that particular brand of pencil. 

13. Participate. Seriously. I didn’t realize what a difference this made until I got to high school. Even if you feel like you’re going to get the question wrong, even if you feel like you’re not smart enough to add anything interesting to the class discussion, say something. Not only does it make the teacher notice you-which in a big class is super important-it’ll show that you’re paying attention and that you want to learn. If you participate, teachers will be more likely to remember you and you’ll feel more confident about yourself, as well as less tempted to doze off or talk to your friends. Do this in all your classes-even the ones you’re not as good at-and you will see better grades-guaranteed (especially if they grade on participation). 

14. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’re not stupid if you don’t understand something. If you can, ask someone to tutor you if you’re struggling. Ask the teacher for extra practice on what you struggle with. If no one is asking your question for you in class, you have to ask it yourself, otherwise you’re never going to learn. 

15. Hard test? Start studying 3-4 days in advance. One day review notes and material; the others do practice exercises or quiz yourself. If possible, study with friends-as long as they don’t distract you. Take 5-10 minute breaks in between sessions so you don’t burn out. 

16. Make a studying playlist and a motivational playlist. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel about studying. Only do extracurriculars you actually enjoy-not ones you just do because you think it will look good on some application or the other. Don’t load up on these activities either or your grades will start to dip. 

17. Know the dates and times of any big standardized tests you’re taking (SAT, ACT, PSAT, AP tests, IB tests, IGSE, GCSE, SAT Subject Tests, etc.). Plan to start reviewing for these at least a month before the exam. (and a month before only if you know you’re really good at that kind of test-taking.)  

18. Edit your essays, once by yourself and once with a friend. Know the format your teacher wants so you don’t have to waste time googling “MLA in-text citation” every time you have an essay due. 

19. This may come as a surprise to you, but you are not the center of the universe. So before you go on long rants about how hard your life is, remember, you have no idea what the person you’re sitting next to might be going through. You are not the only person ever who’s had to juggle hard classes, extracurriculars, a job, and family problems at the same time. Other people are also struggling-what you’re going through is not more difficult or more meaningful than what anyone else is dealing with. This year, make a resolution to ask people questions about themselves, to listen to others, instead of making everything about you. You will be surprised at how much more people will trust you and how many more friends you will make. Also, guess what? Bad days happen to everyone-so stop taking out your frustrations on people that you care about. It’s petty, it’s stupid, it’s not fair, and it’s the quickest way to make your bad day a little worse. 

20. Regardless of whatever happens this year, you will graduate, you will get a job that makes you happy, and you will be a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, successful human being. If you get nothing else out of this post, take this-don’t get yourself so taken in by that weird, hive-mind-toxic culture that school perpetuates that you lose the ability to deal with the people who are truly important to you. At the end of the day, you want to say that you came out of this school year a happier, wiser person than you entered it.