#even if it makes no sense whatsoever lol
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bfgf cosplay clownery ig
#edit: under cut now bc lmao#bfgf besties heck yea#sooo kinda gotten really into the lego batman movie lately as mentioned previously lol#so playing dress up with the regular fnf peeps it is bc it amuses me yeehaw#even if it makes no sense whatsoever lol#ofc what I really wanna do is bombeep in matching related outfits but a batsuit with a stupid cape is like really hard to doodle ha#anyways have a harleygf jokerbf bestie duo of the lego-based variety sort of in the meantime lmao#ye very lazy and messy in most places and very flat due to lack of shading but eh#I'm just vibin lol#enjoy or don't#take it or leave it#whatever floats your boat#fnf au#boyfriend fnf#girlfriend fnf#it may have gotten quite far removed at this point but it's them still technically so lol#lego batman movie cosplay dress up vibes I guess idk what to tag lmao#meant to just be friendshippy with my own au ofc but if you wanna see it as shippy that's fine I don't mind you do you and all that ha#I draw what I want#k laters bye
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i legitimately dont know how to characterize these two anymore
also here's a dump of the other stuff as i actually concept for this garbage fire LOL
tw for blood on the 3rd slide + mildy suggestive joke on the 12th + fake doll guts on the 14th + constant extreme tonal whiplash
id apologize for the ragamaster blast once again but i am but a shell of a man who feels no remorse. LMFAOO
#ragamaster#ragamaster au#tadc ragamaster#ragamaster! au#tadc au#tadc#ragamaster rosalyn#ragamaster pomni#ragamaster gangle#ragamaster jax#ragamaster zooble#sorry kinger stans you are once again neglected#buttonblossom#ragapom#digital yuri#ragatha x pomni#pomni x ragatha#jesterdoll#abstragedy#zooble x gangle#gangle x zooble#mischievous honk#get your crumb jaxmo shippers i love you.....................................................#theyre not even really ofically together its like a weirdly close bromace. but theyre totally not gay. totally not. at all. whatsoever.#i swear this au is more than just shipping lol pls dont judge me LMAOO#i also get how this shit prolly makes no sense bc im posting across multiple points in time ...#fuck it we ball tho
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Jayce Talis' Joycean Epiphany
Tracking the textual similarities between James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and Jayce's character journey, specifically in Arcane season 2, episode 7.
As time goes on, my appreciation for Jayce's arc only grows, and I think episode 7 captures the best of the showrunners' narrative concision and cohesion. Within that perfect storm I noticed a lot of similarities between Jayce and James Joyce's main character, Stephen Dedalus, who spends the 1916 classic shedding attachments to the material world in pursuit of ultimate freedom, including monikers of creed and country and friendship, captured in his famous epiphany.
This isn't a perfect mapping, but comparing Stephen's epiphany to Jayce's meeting with Mage Viktor is pretty enlightening/interesting! More below!
The Joycean Epiphany
Stephen Dedalus' epiphany occurs in the last third (ish) of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and happens as follows: Stephen, consumed with anxiety, loneliness, and confusion about his place in the world, finds himself wandering toward the ocean. He steps knee-deep inside and sees the figment of a woman out of reach, who he describes as a "strange and beautiful seabird" who awakens him to "the wild heart of life." The Bird Woman inspires Stephen to shake off material attachments to nationality and religion, as well as to break off personal relationships in order to arrive at his true self, which he must do in isolation. This is the most egregiously brief synopsis possible...
Jayce's journey in Arcane does, in fact, follow a very normal, non-epiphanic arc in general; I'm not merging Stephen and Jayce together here. Instead I want to call attention to the visual cues and specific plot points that truly give me pause and think/hope they were intentionally building this parallel.
The Irish Coastline, the Undercity Grey
In Portrait, there is great emphasis attached to the sea's physicality as Stephen enters the waters. He's permeated a barrier as the tide wrestles with him:
"In a few moments he was barefoot...and, picking a pointed salteaten stick out of the jetsam among the rock, he clambered down the slope of the breakwater."
Jayce also permeates, with a lot of struggle, pain, and anguish, a physical barrier/obstacles - the Grey, which we see as a thick green miasma throughout the Undercity in this timeline, and the Fissures he's fallen into. Interestingly enough, Jayce also has a pointed stick that's figuratively eaten by the Anomaly. Not salt, by any means, but each character takes up a damaged implement at the onset of their journey.
The Epiphanic Figures
In Portrait, Stephen is drawn into the water towards the woman who inspires his epiphany: "A girl stood before him in midstream, alone and still, gazing out to sea."
Within the Grey, Jayce encounters Viktor as the mage, staring at him with his face obscured. When he turns and leaves, he prompts Jayce into action, thus spurring the epiphany, the necessary movement through the Grey.
Upon his approach, Stephen describes his epiphanic woman: Her long fair hair was girlish, and touched with the wonder of mortal beauty, her face..."
"...and when she felt his presence and the worship of his eyes her eyes turned to him in quiet sufferance of his gaze, without shame or wantonness."
In Portrait, Stephen never reaches his Bird Woman; she remains out of reach, just like his ultimate freedom will remain until he commits to his quest for self-discovery. Similarly, Jayce and Mage Viktor never touch, despite Viktor and Jayce's established physical intimacy.
The Quest
Stephen spends the remainder of Portrait systematically shedding what he feels are restraints to his true self. If you haven't read Portrait, there is a lot, a lot, a LOT of syncretic philosophies wedged inside, Platonic, Aristotelean, Aurelian, etc., to showcase Stephen coming into his own intellectually and emotionally. But the way he describes this quest, when speaking to his best friend, Cranly, is key when comparing him to Jayce:
"You made me confess the fears that I have. But I will tell you also what I do not fear. I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as eternity too."
Jayce, inspired by his own Bird Woman, the Mage, sets out on his quest of ultimate solitude, wherein he traumatically relives his past mistakes.
But now, with Mage Viktor's wisdom and an understanding of what's to come, Jayce finally becomes a powerful and independent force. He doesn't rely on his betters or outside approval. He attacks Mel for her past treatment of himself and Viktor as tools/investments for her will. He will leave behind the comfort and privilege of his old life. In order to do what needs to be done to save Piltover, Jayce is willing to make those mistakes, to sustain on his own, etc., when he was never willing to do so before.
"Alone, Quite Alone"
Nobody asked, but my favorite scene in Portrait is the last dialogue between Stephen and Cranly, whom Stephen frequently describes as his closest friend, and whose opposition to Stephen's departure he considers the most. Try as he might to be sympathetic, Cranly struggles to understand why Stephen can't relent and warns him of what will happen to Stephen if he takes on his quest: "And to not have any one person...who would be more than a friend, more even than the noblest and truest friend a man ever had."
Cranly tells Stephen that "you need not look upon yourself as driven away...or as a heretic or an outlaw." He invites him to stay, to return.
And Stephen is grieved by this: "A voice spoke softly to Stephen's lonely heart, bidding him go and telling him that his friendship was coming to an end..."
"...Yes; he would go. He could not strive against another. He knew his part."
In killing Viktor as the Herald, Jayce has fully accepted loneliness and the necessary suffering it incurs on others. Guided by Mage Viktor, his own Bird Woman epiphany, he plays his part in the fate set before him.
In this moment, the Herald Viktor is Jayce's Cranly: "Stephen watched [Cranly's] face for some moments in silence. A cold sadness was there..."
"...He had spoken of himself, of his own loneliness which he feared."
*To note, Stephen's epiphanic realization amounts to isolation for his own benefit, whereas Jayce endures isolation and commits these "mistakes" (killing Viktor) for the greater good - very important difference!
Regaining Cranly
This same idea comes across every time I post about Arcane season 2: subversive endings. And while my opinion of the season has been on the downturn, I will never cheapen the shock and awe of the Mage Viktor reveal, and I will always find new ways to break it down and appreciate it.
In Portrait, Stephen leaves Ireland, his religion, and his loved ones behind. Stephen asks Cranly to clarify what he means by his talk of loneliness: "'Of whom are you speaking?' Cranly did not answer." In the essential modernist way, Stephen seeks out the independent soul amidst the masses.
Jayce, meanwhile, uses his newfound autonomy and sense of self for the greater good. He followed his epiphanic figure as Stephen did, and abandoned his Cranly, for a higher goal than self actualization.
And that's where this comparison just about falls apart.
Because Jayce and Viktor are "inextricably bound," the fundamental crux of the epiphany - its independence - isn't possible. Jayce guides his Cranly away from "his own loneliness which he feared." He invites Viktor to partake in his epiphany and they complete the quest together.
the end <3
I'm excited about this comparison! And I know I'm offering a very cursory read of Portrait here. I actually wrote about it for my latest conference CFP so it's fresh on the mind. And a lot of these comparisons can be chalked up to Joyce's just General Narrative Influence, that he refined this exact mode of quest -> self discovery -> loneliness, but we're here to have fun, not to submit to a journal lol.
#this was very fun to write! i've been sitting on it for a while#i got sleepy so no secondary sources#even though i have lots for my paper about Birds and Nets in joyce and murdoch lol#hopefully i'm not becoming a one-trick pony i just love writing abt this sm#uhhh please leave me your ideas and feedback!!!!#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jayvik#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#arcane analysis#arcane meta#viktor nation#viktor propaganda#also i wish so badly that there were Any Visuals whatsoever for Portrait#so i could make better comparisons#i hope this layout and structure makes some sense
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Anyways XO Kitty love interests summarized
Dae
Min Ho
Yuri
#I finished it guys I have thoughts#pleasantlyâŚ. surprised I actually enjoyed it a lot?#like donât get me wrong it was very cringe fail at times but in like an affectionate way in like an aw high school affectionate#bet yâall canât tell by this post which my favorite LI was I bet yâall canât guess take a guess#ranking wise Yuri>Min Ho>Dae#I am so sorry Dae is so aksjskw boringgg and like not even because he is a nice guy I love nice guys#he just didnât have any personality whatsoever apart from chasing Kitty around and saying I can explain#they could have swelled more into him being a family guy but they just kinda didnât and it was very meh overall#like min ho was an ass but kinda funny at times and had a whole character arc#yuri had a whole development too going full circle and growing as she faced different situations in the series#dae I feel like he started the same way he finished and I guess that makes sense for the plot showing Kitty needs something else but defo#makes him the weakest li. no criticism taken btw#SHUT ME UP ITS 4 AM AND I AM PSYCHOANALYSING A KIDS SHOW AKSJWKKW therapeutic#xo kitty#I hope this doesnât offend anyone lol all /lh#dae#min ho#yuri
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Arcane Mummy AU with rogueish treasure-hunter/adventurer Vi and ancient-warrior-sect sharpshooter Caitlyn
Is this anything??
#(yes it is something... it is stupid LOL)#narratively this makes NO sense#none whatsoever#or really in terms of character either#i dont even care it amuses me#caitvi#arcane shitpost#the mummy
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Once again, having a mental fist fights with myself over whether or not I should post my art for @sariphantom 's August Art challenge.
#rant warning Im putting this in the tags because I can idc that it probably means less people will read it lol#some of it Im really proud of#and I really wanna share it#but some of it just looks so shitty#I guess I could just post the ones im proud of and not do anything else with the others??#But in some dumb way I feel like I have to post them all in order#so I have to catch up with all the previus days first#wich means posting ALL of the art I made for the challenge#even the bad stuff#And then theres the problem that even if I do end up posting it Im going to be so late that there isnt even really a point anymore?????#Uuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh#I feel like Im overthinking this way too much skshksjskshskjslwjsk#rise august#rise august art challenge#I dont know if any of what I just wrote makes any sense whatsoever
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the horrors persist but so do i
i was trying to make a meme but i fucked up the audio layering and
#byrd chirps#me when I'm actively experiencing The Horrors but i spent my entire childhood so anxious that i am now incapable of worrying about myself#i genuinely do not know if that's a good thing or not#i just spent like 15 years crying myself to sleep due to paranoia and anxiety#and then i just realized one day that such is the pattern of life: shit happens and there's not really much i can do about it#and even if there is obsessing and ruminating just makes things worse#so now it takes an active psychotic episode for me to become concerned about anything#cause in my mind it's like. well either things are going to be okay eventually or I'm going to die#no sense in crying about it when I've still got a chance to make it out of this and into an upswing#i mean i very much do cry sometimes but it's almost never out of fear it's just owch oof my bones why am i still suffering#can the universe either lend me a hand or take me out back to be shot like a toothless dog already? lmao#I don't know if i have no sense of self preservation whatsoever or if this is my method of self preservation#could be both! who knows lol
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chat i love them sm
#yk the whole thing about these subtle foreshadowings is that you seem rude and absurd and crazy every time you point them out#even despite the way more obvious evidence of these people like#just straight up getting mad at the thought of doing anything nice for you at all that isn't that vagueposting a thing or two#and every time you do say something regardless the focus also shifts immediately and entirely on dissecting you and how you possibly >>#>> could and couldn't would or wouldn't (i mean guess which one is more convenient) do something wrong in every scenario ever#and then boom it's been a year of you just going through nightmares and they just get more and more open about and hellbent on the violence#and regardless of how you actually act there are still all the same excuses for just about â¨anything⨠there always were#and suuuuuuch a real possibility of you being secretly evil#and giving up on everything even the curses and i mean like. eating and stuff. to mess with everyone's minds just for the love of the game#and just kill people left and right when no one's looking i guess#like yeah i must just be this affected by not being worshipped or feared enough or given money or something#nothing genuine ever going on there whatsoever because i'm too đ˝boo spooky alienđ˝ for all that#as if it's even possible to win anything at all in a situation where you were already dehumanized to such extent from the start yk lol c':#and *literally* *anything* can be written into this narrative like thiiiiiiiiiis easily whether it makes sense or not#not even like it's supposed to make sense obv since the point is like just excusing things and silencing me and keeping the torture going#and they already fell for all that at least once so#there probably isn't that much else going on now#or at least it's way less anxiety inducing to think about it like that#and anxiety kills and stuff#so c':#oh and i'm not allowed to like genuinely not want to be around and dislike people after them torturing me for over a year#for these reasons too so it's just anything about me â¨being upset⨠about â¨not being good enough⨠for them or jealous or something instead#either way it lowkey felt so much nicer when i could just talk to them alone and without my abusers being brought up all the time#and now it's just them probably thinking that me being scary right wing kelp forest dracula theory every time they're being cute to me#i'll just be crying every time i talk to you idk is that okay?#or i mean#yeah you're actually kinda weird#literally all that's been going on is just me not being allowed to feel *functional* over someone not wanting to fix their head about >>#>> basic human rights and bodily autonomy and being weird about me feeling feelings for people i feel feelings for#fucked up horrifying pointless mess nothing else
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â
#iâm just gonna say something that iâve been thinking for a while (even before season 7) into the void#but b*ddie (in canon) is soooo fucking boring now lmao#because their relationship hasnât progressed whatsoever in years!#iâm talking strictly from a shipping perspective because their friendship is great!#their last actual interesting/compelling moment was the will scene lol#maybeeee eddieâs breakdown scene in s5 but even that moment fell a flat for me (why were they so afraid to touch each other in s5/6 lmao)#the coming out scene was great but that was a veryyyy platonic scene so i feel like that doesnât count#season 6 started to turn me off on them and season 7 sort of finished the job#thereâs still a lot of fun things you can do with them in fanon (that doesnât involve tommy bashing đ)#but in canon? đ´#maybe thatâs why so many b*ddieâs are so far removed from canon#because genuinely what in canon can they really talk about atp lol#also probably why theyâve been obsessing over tommy all hiatus đ¤#i used to compare b*ddie and steroline mainly because they were the same flavor of slow burn but not really a will they wonât they in the+#traditional sense#because they werenât constantly teasing a romance until fairly late in the game (s6 for steroline)#but the thing with steroline is that their relationship was always progressing!#you can see the clear differences in what their relationship looked like in s1 vs. s2 vs. s4 vs. s5 vs. s6 and beyond#and that was true for b*ddie but then it stalled after s4#and ykw#if they intend to keep the relationship platonic that makes sense!#but it doesnât make it very fun/interesting for shipping (in canon)#but maybe itâs not fair to compare them to the best slow burn to ever slow burn (i said what i said!!)#there was a point where i was confident at one point that if b*ddie went canon that it would be my favorite ship ever and surpass steroline#but theyâve stalled out too long now and missed their opportunity to do something#i realize itâs not really their fault but still#anyway#this went on way longer than i intended#but i will always have steroline brain worms and will never not want to talk about them lmao#ignore me
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re: my last post rambling about my siblings: i also realize of course that not everyone who has siblings has as good a relationship to them as i do, and that can be for any number of reasons, can have any number of resolutions, including just begrudgingly accepting that your sibling(s) are never gonna be the closest people in your life. i talked about how the bond i have with mine is akin to a commitment, because all of us prioritize each other, but i don't mean to make it sound idyllic or like it should be the universal standard. i am lucky but i am not naive. not everyone gets the siblings they would most wish to have, or some people just aren't that close to them and i don't particularly have a blanket judgment to make of that in all cases. however...
that guy i made a bunch of personal posts over the summer about because he was an emotionally abusive friend that i had to cut off, who asserted way too much control over my life, who was guilt-tripping and manipulative and sought to silence me etc etc etc he really was just never very accepting of me for who i was, never expressed interest in anything about me that didn't have to do with him, etc etc etc just that JERK guy who i still have nightmares about a few times a month. it took me a long time to accept that he wasn't just "depressed" and "anxious" but that he was actively using people; he wasn't accepting of harmony but always wanted control over others and their narratives, etc etc etc. there were certain sides of him i didn't see much because i got to know him in a rather isolated way. we had mutual contacts but i never worked with him or had a class with him or really even met him a few times before he started spilling his heart and soul to me privately and said i'm his best friend and i'm the only one who understands and supports him and basically pressured me to make him my project 24/7 and was incredibly disrespectful towards me whenever i asserted my own independence from him or just. wanted to see someone other than him or even just wanted to be by MYSELF. jesus. what a nightmare that guy was. IS, because i know he can't have changed and he probably never will.
THAT guy has a sibling. he has a little brother four years younger than him, and that guy was about two years younger than me. so his brother turned 18 this year. he graduated from high school. his brother is YOUNG, all things considered. and as much as he would constantly pour his heart out and gripe about every person he ever came into contact with (and as much as i now distrust a lot of the information he told me because i know he'll only ever say flattering things about himself and never speak forgivingly or with any nuance towards someone he labels now as "bad", including me)... the only time that i didn't really know how to listen with as open a heart was when he would start talking about how awful his little brother is. i'd be like, ok, so you had terrible friends in high school. all the people in your classes are shitty to you. this person has done you wrong and this person is awful and your parents and your family suck and this and that and this. no one has ever been good to you in your entire life except me? ok.
the ONLY time i was like "i don't know if i can take this at face value, i think you're being too harsh..." is when he would talk about his little brother. because i was like, well, from everything you're telling me, his problems sound like something he can very well grow out of. he'd be like oh he's PRETENTIOUS. lol ok. he's a senior in high school, of course he sometimes acts like he knows everything. why do you act like he's a lost cause? i could also tell that there must've been some personal jealousy in there bc his brother was kind of the "more accomplished" sibling, did better in school, that sort of thing. i don't know what it's like to be an older sibling or to feel like you're living in the shadow of a sibling, especially a younger one, because i've always kind of been on a different path than any of my siblings/there hasn't really been a sense of competition between us. i would try to give him the benefit of the doubt and be like "well i guess i really don't know what that's like" because you CAN'T assume. i give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt and i try to take people, especially when they're being vulnerable with me, at their word, which is exactly how i got so involved with this guy and ended up being so used by him and under his thumb. horrible. he's a monster. anyway.
and whenever i'd be like "well he's just a kid" to every negative thing he'd say about his little brother, that's when he'd dismiss the subject and stop talking about it. and this isn't something that came up a couple of times but came up a LOT. he'd shit talk his brother to me at least several times a week, always unprompted, because why would i wanna hear someone badmouth a teenager? and it'd always be the pettiest shit. one time he even told me that he noticed his brother didn't come home last night and he didn't know where he was and i was like "oh my god is he ok? that's terrifying" and it's like he did that just so he could tell me "no i don't really care honestly. the two of us aren't close." it's like he wasn't just not-close with this kid but he was obsessed with hating him.
not only did his reasons never seem to satisfy me, but he never seemed to acknowledge that his little brother shared all of the traumas and adverse experiences he grew up with, the discrimination he faced and the familial trauma and the structures of abuse he would tell me about from his parents. he would mention how these are all the problems and the reasons he can't trust people and why he's so fucked up but he didn't seem to have any patience or empathy for someone younger than him brought up in the same exact environment. it's like he wanted his brother to always just fuck off and die.
none of this made any sense to me, it was if anything the BIGGEST sense of confusion i had with him for a long time because i dismissed all the ways he was cruel to *just me* until i started picking up all his patterns and realizing this all WASN'T just how he treats me. HE is the problem; HE is this entitled and controlling and nasty and manipulative towards everyone; HE has no self-awareness or regard for other people. it's not just ME not having the guts to stand up for myself when he made me feel uncomfortable or when i'd feel disrespected by something he said to/about me. he would know when he was saying something unacceptable or losing his temper; he did it with other people all the time. but he isolated and then lovebombed me so hard that i didn't see that this WAS how he treated everyone, but he made me in particular his prey because i was a trusting and trustworthy stranger, rather than someone who had seen him behave in such a way towards other people and could make the informed choice to stay away from him. it was never JUST ME but how could i have known that?? how?? i didnt know anything about his life except what he'd tell me, and he was actively sucking me away from all parts of my life he wasn't involved in, and/or forcing his way into them. there was no space between him and me; my life became his because he hijacked it and then forced me to do all his emotional labor and solve all his problems so i'd hardly have any energy to face my own.
anyway. yeah. it all made MUCH more sense when i realized HE is the problem between him and his brother. that didn't stick out as a red flag because again i'm trusting and i accept all these hypothetically broken or damaged familial relationships people have. HE really wanted me to hate this teenager for no good reason, like he wanted me to hate everyone else in his life that he'd ever decide to cast as a villain. i never understood why the teenage boy. never understood it. i'm like he's just a boy. OH but you're an awful horrible jerk who can't get along with anyone for longer than 2 minutes before you try and take control of everything about them and then lash out if they try to assert their independence. OOOHHH ok i get it now that makes sense. because that's what you've been doing to me all this time ohhh i get it.
#wow this is such a long post lol#long post#tales from diana#im not proofreading this so if this makes no sense well whatever#sorry if you... missed my... constant crises about this situation over the summer?#i do still have nightmares about him lol#i have otherwise been moving on... pretty ok#you know it's just such a relief to not talk to him anymore ever. love that#i have him blocked too đ¤đ¤đ¤#and he isn't a school/work acquaintance and we don't live suuuper close where i'd worry about seeing him in public randomly#i have had some friends that i explained our falling out to that have randomly ran into him. and he glared at them. lol#he really tried to involve all my friends in the messiest ways after he realized he was losing his control over me.#he was acting so entitled and imposing and overly-familiar and spilling all his 'problems' hes having with me#to ppl that i had introduced him to a couple of times and he would never be emotionally close with#but now he wants to pour his heart out about how he's been victimized by my callousness towards him (read: my individual identity/needs)#like what a fucking trainwreck that was.#in fact i encouraged him to be vulnerable with some of these friends like he was ALWAYS being vulnerable to me#making me support him 24/7 and literally never giving me time to do or think about anything else#never reciprocating interest or concern when it comes to my own life in any way. even if he KNEW about problems i had going on#just no sympathy from him whatsoever. he was just a sympathy vampire. he took and took and took and never gave back.#like i said he's the most self-centered person i've ever met.#yeah. i need to drop this now#but i do feel bad for his little brother. bc everything i ever felt sympathy for him for also applies to his brother#but his BROTHER has never shown any signs to me of being nearly as disgusting as he is.#he's brother's just a kid. but imagine having such a nightmare of a brother for the rest of your life. im sorry to him
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i mentioned 'gremlin brain' in the last thing i reblogged, which reminds me I forgot to mention a lil personal achievement that happened Valentine's Day for me:
gone 2 years without going thru a repeat of the insanely deep depressive bout I had back in 2021!
I kinda get worried sometimes that it'll come back, but I know my friends and family love me despite whatever my dumb brain conspires to tell me sometimes, and that's the best kind of love I could get :)
#delete later#personal#a while ago (last year now i believe) i told a friend of mine about a moment I had where like#it was the first time in YEARS I've been able to watch a Youtube video of two dudes just hanging out and being funny#and I didn't even remotely feel envious of it -- I felt more like I was *also* a friend just laughing along with it#and it was SUCH a wonderful feeling tbh#like sometimes I doubt how much progress I've *really* made with myself since my circumstances haven't *really* changed#but things like that remind me that I AM improving and things CAN get better#and im really grateful for the ppl who stuck with me through all that because BOY I was insufferable to be around at the time#I'd like to work on like... actually *engaging* with ppl more though#pushing aside the notion that I'm 'annoying' by default and instead just trusting what I'm told directly#if I gush about art or a fic and the author doesn't *say* to my face 'ur annoying please shut up'#THEN... RADICAL CONCEPT: im not actually annoying lmao#AND IT SOUNDS SO SIMPLE *NOW* but in the moment I still get overwhelmed with fear hahaha#but that's the next thing I wanna gradually improve on#even if I just start with friend's posts themselves?? and then maybe moving outside that little comfort zone circle u know?#baby steps!#actually u know what would be a great baby step? ...getting rid of my 'delete later' tag LOL cuz i think u all know i don't...#I don't use it properly lmao -- it was more of a throwaway so I felt more comfortable posting stuff? with the idea it was 'disposable'#if... that makes any sense whatsoever
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In regards to the SU x TF2 AU:
I have been racking my brain over here trying to understand the decision to make RED Spy a ruby and BLU Spy a sapphire. Nothing about his portrayal seemed to line up with canon depictions of rubies or sapphires, and RED Spy's gem isn't even faceted like a ruby. Also the obvious joke of making him a Bixbite, like the corrupted gem who was a giant crab, seemed obvious. Then it dawned on me.
He's a color-change sapphire, isn't he? That's why his RED version has a sapphire cut despite supposedly being a ruby? And also potentially why he's the only one we've seen RED and BLU variations of (though I get the impression that's also so one can be paired with Scout's Ma and the other with Engie) when all the others have been RED(-ish) isn't it? Or am I completely off base with this theory?
i LOVE your theory i wish you shared your thoughts before i elaborated the âloreâ of the au
but since ive had lots of questions about details id like to mention that:
1. i originally had not planned to make any story behind the su au, so if thereâs things that dont make sense, donât align with canon and stuff, it was not planned soo im working with what i have :p
2. i was hoping no one notices the mistake i made of swapping the gems ruby/sapphire lol its because at first i had drawn Blu(sapphire) Spy in that page, but i thought it was confusing since there was RedSpy x ScoutâsMa and Scout next to him, so i just changed the colors and i didnt change the gem bc i was lazy :P
3. the main reason i put both Blu/Red Spy was to create fusion, i thought to add an extra merc with a blu color would be cool for the fusions that isnt from ClassicTeam, and idk i couldnât think of a better merc to have as a pair than Spy and i thought there is more potential with 2 Spies to work on a story than any other merc idk
(yes i didnt put garnet as the fusion so as not to make confusion with Demoman being a Garnet, and we donât have an Amethyst anyways so ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ )
4. it is IMPOSSIBLE to align each TF2 character with a SU character, thereâs nothing in common between the two medias whatsoever, so the dynamics that im gonna be making for the TF2 au are gonna be a bit mixed, for example: RedSpy and BluSpy having Ruby/Sapphireâs dynamic (kinda), but also they have the same dynamic as Rose/Pearl, for the part where Red would go with a human (Scoutâs Ma) and Blu would be jealous (just like pearl), HeavyMedic also would be having Ruby/Sapphire dynamic (the part where they fuse for the first time just like Ruby/Sapphire in the show, im still working on comic about this btw)
5. also im mixing with well TF2 canon story + trying really to make an original story too, soo its a whole mess ik :p im trying just bear with me ^^"
but thank you for pointing that out, it makes me happy knowing people actually pay attention to details thats super fun! ill make sure to not miss any details next time! :D
#tf2 x su au#my art#tf2#team fortress 2#lennylink#tf2 spy#fan art#lenny replied#scout ma#tf2 scouts mom#tf2 scout's mom#spy x spy#spycest#tf2 medic#doctor who reference#lol
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blue lock manga chapter 271 spoilers, mentions, and analysis (this is an absolute word vomit)
my drabbles, understanding, and analysis on the itoshi family goes something like: when the itoshi parents didnât know how to properly deal with rinâs behavior when he was little but sae seemed to be the only one that can âunderstandâ and âget alongâ with rinâthey unintentionally gave the responsibility to sae.
i suspect that their thinking is something along the lines of âsae seems like heâs got an understanding of rin that we donât, maybe itâs better that way, heâs rinâs big brother, after all.â
and honestly, i think thatâs why we as the readers find the itoshi parents âdistantâ from the brothersâ lives.
but do i think theyâre bad parents? not necessarily, although i also do think that they couldâve done more. but given certain circumstancesâŚitâs kind of subjective.
letâs talk about itoshi mom first
evidently, itoshi mom is a very concerned mother: she doubts herself, she worries for rin (and sae), and sheâs generally lost.
and how could she not feel all those things?
i perceive this as sheâs a mother who doesnât distance herself from her children, but because she doesnât know what to do at all, she seems hopeless and doesnât have any solution to fix things. naturally, she has the instinct to do what a parent should in times like scolding, etcâhowever, this is blue lock, everyone has their own âegoâ, yet some of those inner desires are just cultivated beyond rationality at this point.
(which strengthens my suspicion about the itoshi parents unconsciously putting the responsibility of rinâs behavior onto saeâŚ)
now, itoshi dad
honestly, i donât have much to say about him, heâs pretty hands off with whatâs happening with their children.
as seen, he does seem more composed and lax about everything, and sae definitely got that from him. i wonder if itâs because of itoshi dadâs âtalksâ (?) with sae that somewhat developed sae to be the big brother he was to rin back when they were little.
i believe the narrative is just implying that he doesnât think much of the behavioral differences that rin and sae show, even when rin gets injured and gets in trouble, which is a little yikes on his end but thatâs just what i understood.
most definitely, the siblings got the trait of being closed off from their dad, lol.
overall, i still donât believe theyâre bad parents whatsoever. however, i do want to talk about my recurring theory that the itoshi parents gradually placed the responsibility of rinâs behavior (and his whole development) onto sae.
letâs discuss the impact of itoshi sae
when sae was around 13-14, he went to spain, and during the pre-teen/teenage years of the itoshi brothers, their family seems rather peaceful.
the itoshi parentsâaside from the pride and joy they felt about saeâs success as a rising soccer playerâseem rather refreshed, anew, and just happier. they donât carry the gloom of being worried for their childrenâs behavior anymore.
but why?
itâs because of rin and saeâs bond over soccer. from a young age, rin has joined his big brotherâs soccer team as they both relished the games they could never play with anyone else aside from each other. basically, the itoshi brothers found what they were for. and they definitely got occupied over it.
though iâm only connecting the dots for my own analysis, i firmly believe that the moment rin played soccer with sae, he found a way for his destructive mindset to be utilized. through soccerâthe only thing rin has been focusing onârin was able to effectively let out his desire to break, destroy, and kill whatâs âamazing/perfectâ.
and who was the only one there by his side, every pass after pass and goal after goal? of course, itâs his big brother. the one to only truly understand and see rin from the very beginning.
honestly, it all makes me wonder if the itoshi parents ever talked to sae one-on-one about rinâs behavior. (which honestly makes sense, because sae seems like a pretty obedient kid). but at the same time, what are the chances it made sae extremely analytical, too?
i mean, sae was deemed a prodigy at what 7 years old? thatâs seriously insane. so it shouldnât be a surprise that all of whatâs leading up to the ego of the itoshi siblings plays a big part. iâm leaning on the possibility that sae was somehow influenced by the itoshi parents to be more keen or observant on rinâthat or sae was only doing what he did out of pure instinct, thatâs entirely plausible.
however, whatever the course may be, the outcome that sae noticed something with rin (even before their ego in soccer) will not change.
from this point onwards is just my random babbles about the itoshi familyâs relationship (kind ofâŚ)
âbut when sae left for spain the itoshi parents didnât appear to care about rin-â i am not hearing that. we should remember that blue lock is (honestly borderline but whatever) about SOCCER.
i believe the first ever backstory we got of the itoshi siblings was only soccer-centered, and in rinâs perspective/narration. why would his parents be included in his soccer career when they most definitely werenât?
again, i donât believe that theyâre bad parents.
also, i doubt that itoshi mom would ever just stop worrying about rin, even when heâs grown up! in fact, i think that with sae leaving for spain, she probably felt even worried because their children are separated. yet at the same time, i do see her not knowing what to really do again. perhaps they had no cameo after the airport scene because rin found it irrelevant in regards to soccer and his ego.
but, then again, iâm very certain that the itoshi parents do care for their children, and are still connected to them somehowâŚjust not when it comes to the field.
aside from the second backstory (the most recent one) they look out for them (i assume this goes for rin too). in the character book the egoist bible, sae mentioned how his parents send him salted kelp from home to go with his rice when he asks. additionally, we saw itoshi dad say in their first back story for sae to âtake care of your health!â as he leaves for spain. the itoshi parents do seem to care for rin and sae as supportive parents of athletes, however, only in the sidelines, because i personally donât think it goes deeper than that.
honestly, everything for me is pointing that the itoshi parents arenât active and present in the itoshi brothersâ soccer careers. not necessarily implied, but in the âanother blue lock: episode omotesandoâ, rin is the only one seen that has a ticket to saeâs japan triumphant match. a ticket sae sentâof which i assumeâonly to him.
although this is all still just my speculation, i am still leaning on that the itoshi parents arenât really relevant in the itoshi siblingsâ soccer life, but rather, they play a role in how they ended up developing.
thatâs all!
again, this are just my own thoughts about this chapter. this is not canon by any means and i am not forcefully saying what i am discussing is right and should be deemed the only theory/ies out there.
iâd love to talk more about theories and analyses on blue lock, letâs chat!
#blue lock#blue lock manga#itoshi rin#itoshi sae#sae itoshi#itoshi brothers#itoshi siblings#rin itoshi#rin#sae#blue lock 271#bllk#bllk manga#itoshi parents#itoshi
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I've never been a huge fan of the retcon of Stephanie Brown's death.
Don't get me wrong -- she never should have been killed the way she was, and I'm overjoyed that she's alive. But... the retcon itself is just so, so boring and stupid and uninspired. "Whoops, she faked her death! LOL!"
On the bright side: It not only brought Steph back, but it gave her the chance to earn respect and redemption in a way that would have been impossible had she stayed dead (obviously). It gave her the chance to become something more than "that dumb kid who started a gang war".
Also on the bright side: It salvaged Leslie Thompkins, whose character had been absolutely butchered -- even worse than Steph -- by War Games. Her motivation for letting a child fucking die on her table was absolute bullshit that made no sense for Leslie whatsoever, and spoke of a profound lack of understanding of her as a character and her relationship with Bruce in particular. The retcon washes her hands of Steph's blood at least, even if "faking a teenager's death" isn't the greatest thing for a resume.
On the not-so-bright side: It further demonized Steph by instead making her "that dumb kid who not only started a gang war, but also selfishly put her friends and mother through absolute hell by making them think she was dead".
Also on the not-so-bright side: It erased her very real trauma in the eyes of both fandom and the characters themselves. Oh, she didn't die and stay dead? Guess that means she didn't actually suffer. Guess that means being tortured to the point of death didn't mean anything. Guess that means power drills and broken glass and being hung in a stress position for hours/days doesn't hurt or leave scars or anything. Guess that means being suddenly stolen away from her entire life, with no one that she loves or even knows (we have no reason to believe she was close to Leslie when War Games happened, contrary to popular belief), wasn't incredibly difficult. Guess that means that recovering from massive physical and psychological trauma in a foreign country you've never been to and don't speak the language of, fully dependent on somebody she barely knows, and without the love and emotional support of her mother was probably find, right? Guess that means she didn't learn anything from her mistakes, huh? Because you have to actually die and be dead and stay dead for a while in order to be sympathetic, I guess.
Also on the not-so-bright side: It absolved Bruce (and the writers) of the callousness of his treatment of Steph, and of not memorializing her in the Batcave or giving any other indication that he ever considered her a real Robin to anyone other than Steph herself, whom he believed was dying and wouldn't be around to tell it anyways. (You may consider this a "bright side" thing. I don't, because a large part of my issue with Batman as a character is that he's always Right even when he's Wrong, and the narrative often ends up supporting his blatant assholery. I dislike his bad behavior being vindicated by virtue of secret knowledge or deus ex machina.)
More importantly, however, I've always questioned exactly how much agency Steph had in the whole "faking her death" thing.
Originally, Bruce found that Steph had been "stable" and shouldn't have died, unless Leslie allowed her to. Being "stable" at one point in time absolutely doesn't mean you're not in any danger whatsoever. It's good, but it's no guarantee -- especially if she was in bad enough shape that simple lack of intervention on Leslie's behalf would have been enough to kill her (and within a relatively short amount of time, too).
So we know she was badly injured. Enough so that Batman thought she was dying, and wasn't surprised by that fact initially. (He's not exactly someone who doesn't have experience with estimating someone's condition in the field, too, remember.) Steph herself even seemed to believe that she was dying.
Additionally, Steph can't exactly demand that Leslie -- whom she barely knows, remember -- fold up her practice and run away to Africa to get her away from Gotham. Or plan everything that would be necessary to fake her death, right down to a substitute corpse and autopsy. Those were things that took some real intent and planning on Leslie's part, as well as some Big Ass Decisions for the good doctor.
So it seems almost certain that the idea itself was Leslie's. She made these decisions very quickly, but she had to have been the one to make them. Was Steph privy to this? Well, was she even conscious? And if she was conscious, was she heavily drugged, for pain if nothing else? Seems she would have been. Even if not drugged, was she mentally and emotionally capable of making such a decision, considering she had just suffered actual literal torture?
It seems very unlikely to me that Steph had any, or much, input into this decision whatsoever.
And once they were in Africa, how long and difficult was her recovery? Was she given access to ways to contact anyone? Or change her mind? I'm not suggesting that Leslie was holding her hostage; I'm questioning whether Steph was even physically capable of advocating for herself for a while, let alone mentally. Her only connection to her former life is the doctor who whisked her away here -- and that connection is also the person who's in charge of her care. If you're exhausted, in lots of pain, probably heavily medicated, in emotional distress, and have limited mobility, you're probably a lot more likely to take your doc's suggestion that you "just relax and don't worry about that right now".
Additionally, what kind of mental/emotional state was Steph even in? She knew she fucked up. She knew people had suffered and died because of what she did. You can call Steph a lot of things, but "uncaring" and "unempathetic" are not among them. It's easy to say she was selfishly hiding from the consequences of her actions, and maybe that's true to an extent, but consider what we know about Steph's self-esteem up to this point. I don't think it's a stretch to say that she probably thought that Gotham was better off without her. She probably thought that nobody wanted to see her. She may have even though they were glad she was "dead". (Even her mother, whom she loves dearly. I believe her relationship with her mom is actually quite complicated, thanks to Crystal's neglect during her substance abuse days, their differing feelings on Arthur surrounding his death, and Steph's occasional parentification. Steph believed she had to protect her mother, but probably didn't feel like she was very good at it, so is it really surprising that an emotionally-compromised, injured Stephanie Brown might think that her mother might actually be better off with her "dead"?)
And what about when she reached the point where she was both physically and mentally capable of facing what she had done, and the fact that she was letting her loved ones believe she was dead, and that it might be hurtful of her to do that?
Well, at that point, the damage was already done, wasn't it? Telling them after 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, or however long the bulk of her recovery took wouldn't matter that much, would it? The lie had already been told. They had already buried her. They had already grieved. Maybe, by that point, it even felt like it would be more cruel to suddenly tell the truth. And by that point, she had begun to heal, begun to gain perspective, begun to re-evaluate somethings about herself. She probably really did need the time away to get her shit together. She probably did, for a little while, think it might be best if she never set foot in Gotham again.
I'm not saying that makes it all okay. Her mother, in particular, deserved better than all that. Cass was devastated and clearly struggled with Steph's death, perhaps even moreso than Tim. It was a shitty thing to put people through.
But I'm suggesting that 1. it's not fair to place so much of the blame on Stephanie herself, because it's not logical to suggest that she's the one who planned any of this, and 2. it's at least somewhat understandable.
#a-bad-case-of-the-stephs you know your tags made me think about this more#it's a shitty retcon imo but it is what it is#stephanie brown#leslie thompkins
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And what will happen to the mothgirl after KĂśnig's medical leave end and he'll have to go back? Yeah, we might never go back and just retire, but like, what if?
Part of why he got a hybrid and not like a regular ass dog is that sheâs capable enough to be left alone (even though he doesnât act like it). She has opposable thumbs and knows how to feed and entertain herself, he really just has to set up contactless grocery delivery for her lol
I tend to think the main difference between pet hybrids and human being, at least in this version of it, is that hybrids have limited capabilities when it comes to understanding abstracts and long-term decision making. They have morals and common sense but youâre not gonna be teaching them algebra and theyâre not gonna be telling you where they see themselves in 5 years.
Is he mentally prepared for leaving her alone? God no. Heâs clingy as fuck. Heâs looked into getting her the paperwork to declare her as a necessary service companion for when his work is purely clerical, but he wouldnât dream of bringing her into a combat environment. And he doesnât really trust the general population of mercenary dogs he works with to behave if he leaves her in his quarters on base.
Despite his general misanthropy, I imagine also that there are people he has no choice but to be acquainted with, people he has a friendly enough relationship that they have his contact information. Like a neighbor or something. Someone he would feel comfortable having check on her every so oftenâ compensated, of course.
There also might be such a thing as hybrid daycare lol. Like the kind of place where you leave your dog when you go on vacation. Itâs an option heâd consider but would be reticent to chooseâ he doesnât want you in contact with so many unknowns. Youâre also not a standard species so it would be more difficult to find a place able to care for you.
And despite what it might seem, your training is not purely sexual lol. He has you lock the front door when you come home so that youâre used to it. You know what to do if thereâs any kind of emergency whatsoever. You know how to operate the security system.
TLDR: youâll be fine, itâs KĂśnig that wonât be fine lol
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Some Murder Drones Episode 7 screenshots I thought were interesting and my thoughts on them :>
SPOILER WARNING!!!! is spoilering
Nori, despite being a middle aged woman with a child, appears to be an Otaku or otherwise likes "edgy" and "scene" stuff, as well as listening to nightcore, very much like her daughter. Good for her tbh you're never too old to have fun
She also has a photo of Khan and what I can only assume is baby Uzi, though it appears to have blue eyes, but maybe it's just the lighting. Still very cute she has a pic of her husband
As well as all the previously mentioned Otaku stuff, she also drew herself as an anime character. She has a skinsona. Phenomenal (pos)
Nothing much here, just Uzi coughing up blood. Girl got the goop (gore) inside of her already
Lab Space. Apparently the Church was just down there and not even the humans know why. The canonicity of this is questionable; it could just be a joke
OT, as per google, stands for "Occupational Therapy". Makes sense for the context, and makes the bottom text funnier
"Fun Time To Universe Big Crunch: 87". The Big Crunch is a hypothetical way the Universe could end, where the universe folds on itself and shrinks into a single point. 87 "what" I don't know. If it's months, that 7 years and 3 months
Honestly the Murder Drones lore is super confusing. I think what this is trying to say is that every other Zombie Drone is doing poorly, (Except for Yeva), they are trying to reactivate 002 (Nori) via the USB. I'm not sure what this means. Maybe they only got the results they wanted from the two of them, and are trying again with Nori since she was the only other one that worked (also why they got Yeva when she failed; this may all be referring to how the episode opened up) Also, the date says SER. As revealed in the episode Cabin Fever, Copper-9 has months that Earth does not. SER most likely stands for Seramorris, the month revealed in that episode
Looks like the "bad event" wasn't the first one. Certainly was the last one though lol
Just a good pic of ghost/hologram V with the scary stuff. Might use this as a wallpaper
You can literally see the hole in his neck where N bit him in...
...And it's to the point his HEAD FALLS OFF. (including because I didn't notice the first time around)
Yup, the idea that Uzi became the Admin for N and V is completely true. I wonder what would've happened if she didn't, since Cyn didn't react whatsoever
friggin bug (very pos)
You would not believe how difficult it was to get a good pic of this (I'm using snipping tool lmao). Always a pleasure to see Uzi's doodles. Things her gun can do (upper right):
NOT judge her
Forced prom date (?)
Allows her to say she had friends before she frickin murdered them with sci-fi machinery
The cut off text at the bottom: Plan B: Normal gun + Shoot really fast
This is while Tessa is looking for something in the lockers. Claws, chains, magnets, Wings, and scribbled "HELP". Looks like the lockers were all specifically to hold the infected worker drones. Oof
We are in the future now baby. We have rererererereCAPTCHA. Funnily enough, it still couldn't stop a robot
There is a message board where someone who doesn't like robots is talking. They also are scared. Also no one else is using this system, which is unsurprising. "Ur aight ;)" Wait is the winky face intentional foreshadowing? Or unintentional?
We get the names of a bunch of other Worker Drones. Unfortunately for all 029 fans, her name was not visible. (also can someone tell me what "JWEB" could be short for?) And Yeva is said to have a patch. That may be the crucible thing idk
Cyn (which I will be calling this version Skyn [Skin + Cyn]) apparently took of the space suit just to give Doll the Withered Foxy jumpscare. Honestly really terrifying. If this photo was teased before release I think the fandom would've exploded
Just N being a good boy :3
The MDs, Cyn's pets. Nori refers to them as "Nerfed" so the "Entity" can ensure control, and says they were made to destroy other hosts. I don't know why Cyn would want them dead, but I'm not the loremaster here. YouTube line is there because I couldn't be bothered after the Railgun image
Probably already confirmed, but doubly confirmed that a symptom of the Solver is giving Drones organic insides. A Worker Drone body with a rib cage and guts. I wonder what would happen if the infection continued uninterrupted (also R.I.P. Doll I loved you :frown:)
I'm sure everyone noticed, but when Uzi tried to manipulate Tessa, the ERROR noticed appeared. Already hinting Tessa is not all she says she is
Apparently the Solver can create Black Hole Saws. Interesting development (Blackhole Blitz)
I know most people (I think) see this as a joke and N just being a bit of goofball. But honestly, I think he did it intentionally to shock Cynuzi and give Nori a chance. In the Pilot, he licked V's sword to surprise her too, which means he isn't unfamiliar with doing something weird and surprising for the advantage
Skyn eating Doll's core. R.I.P. Doll again. Seriously, was that Doll in Core Form like Nori was? Or was Nori a fringe case because she was "Exorcised" and this is just a regular core? Questions, questions. Also yeah the Solver also gives you a Core. Fun
This tag makes me think that this body is Cyn's actual body. Not longer a hologram, but her actual body from the mansion. The reason Tessa gave N, J, and V their names was because that was the first letter of their Serial Designation (she's very uncreative). However, Cyn's tag was slightly faded, which meant her SD couldn't be seen, so Tessa gave her the name "Cyn" after her P/N, even though the other 3 already have the same P/N as Cyn (Tessa, again, is very uncreative)...
...and for some reason, Cyn or the Solver, which ever theory you subscribe to, decided to wear Tessa as a skin suit for some twisted reason. It did help her with the Captcha. Also scary because this doesn't have the right proportions for an adult (unless Cyn really forced that skin on), which leads me to believe that this is a Younger Tessa, and she faked having an older voice. Maybe I shouldn't call her my wife... I'm sure Eldritch J is still available :^)
(Seriously, the eyes are burnt out, leaving two eye holes over the visor, so she gives herself two X eyes so it looks better. Also yeah we found out what that thing on the "It Came From Copper-9" poster came from. It really was Cyn or Skyn)
Just a frame of the final...frame... for coolness. I'm probably also going to use this for a background. Also, this is definitely Copper-9. You can see the ring and ringless moon together on the right. Uzi somehow got sent to orbit after falling in the meat hole
Well that was all for now. This series has consumed me entirely, body and soul, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Goodbye and goodnight
#murder drones#murder drones n#glitch productions#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#serial designation n#murder drones cyn#murder drones episode 7#md ep 7#md episode 7#murder drones spoilers#murder drones doll#md doll#murder drones tessa#md tessa#murder drones skyn#md skyn#md uzi#murder drones theory#md theory#murder drones nori#md nori
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