#even if it does look like a very very long sad worm

[hairmetal666]

After the Russians, Steve learns three important things about himself:

Robin is the best friend he's ever had; the uncontested other half of his heart. His soulmate, the platonic love of his life, his missing puzzle piece.

He's not in love with Nancy anymore. It's really saying something that hearing those words come out of his mouth is the shock of his life. Once the drugs wear off, though, he realizes they were absolutely true. A surprising win for the Russian truth serum

Her bathroom confession...he sits with it for days. Not--not because she's a lesbian, of course not, but because. Well, Robin knows herself in a way he's never allowed himself to. And he thinks that maybe maybe he likes boys in the same way. That he always has, but never let himself acknowledge it, the way his eyes wanted to catch in the locker room, the drunken, fumbling touches between him and Tommy.

The last one...he's not sure, is the thing. How can he be sure? Like, in his mind, his imagination, he's very into it, but what if it's different in real life? And how can he even find out? He tells, Robin, of course he does, and they go to Indy, right, to a bookstore and she throws a few zines at him and he sneaks some porn (he's definitely into the porn), but that's not--it's not practical experience. And he's not ready to go to one of the bars, for sure, so he doesn't--like what's he supposed to do?

It's around this time in his bisexual spiral that the kids start hanging out with Eddie Munson, that he starts thinking about Eddie Munson. He always noticed the long, dark curls and the bright, brown eyes; the slender cut of his waist; the wry slant of his mouth as he shouted insults at the jocks; the glinting silver of the rings on his fingers--fingers that were long and callused, fingers that could grip around Steve's--

Nope, he's not going there. Even though, a little voice in his head says, he cares for Steve's kids and maybe he's not good at school but he's smart and he's also so pretty, with his pale skin and his big eyes--

No. He doesn't have a crush on Eddie Munson. Absolutely not.

And when he picks up the kids from their little dnd club and sees Munson standing against his van, he doesn't feel an electric zing in his chest, the first stirring of butterflies in his stomach; that would be crazy. They hardly know each other. It goes like this every time, and he's almost able to believe he doesn't care.

Until Eddie trips over the threshold of Family Video, stumbling on an untied bootlace and gangling his way through the front doors. The clatter catches both Robin and Steve's attention.

"Welcome to Family Video," Robin says. Steve stares.

"Uhh." Eddie's eyes flit between them, his face getting redder by the second.

Fuck, he's so cute and Steve's saying--without thinking about it, he's saying--"let me help you find a movie, man."

"Yea--sure, yeah." Eddie's hands are stuffed in the tight pocket of his jeans.

Steve takes a few steps down the closest aisle. "So, what--uh, what are you looking for?"

"Horror? Nothing in particular."

They make their way to the horror section, and it's like some insane, deeply horny demon takes over. He starts grabbing movies off the shelf, no rhyme or reason, doesn't even know what most of them are.

Eddie's staring at him with wide eyes and a raised eyebrow, and Steve just keeps grabbing tapes, is sort of doing a running commentary on titles and tag lines, and he can't stop, why can't he stop? it's like smoke is coming out of his ears. Robin is watching him from the counter with her mouth hanging open, gummy worm dangling down her chin.

"You know," Eddie grabs something from the shelf, "I think I'll just do Friday the 13th again. Can't go wrong."

And he leaves Steve standing there with half the horror section collected in his arms. He stays there while Eddie pays, face burning. It's been--well, a really long time since he's struck out so hard, and he wasn't even really trying.

As Eddie's walking out the door, his sad pile of movies shifts, then tumbles to the floor.

"You have a crush on Eddie Munson." Robin accuses.

"No!" He ducks down to collect the tapes, hoping to hide the crimson of his face.

"You do." She points an accusatory finger in his direction. "I haven't seen you this pathetic since Scoops."

"It's nothing."

"You know," she crouches down with him, "you could just, like. Try to hang out with him."

"After that? Are you kidding? I'm surprised you don't already have a new You Rule/You Suck board going."

"Oh, I do, it's up front." She jumps to her feet. "But still. You should try. And you have an easy in with the kids."

He glares at her in response, starts re-shelving all the dumb movies, and then they get busy, so the topic is dropped. He thinks about it thought. He thinks about it and he--

Instead of waiting in the car for the kids to get done at Hellfire the next time, he goes in.

[kissitbttr]

dilf!toji who finds you sitting in the curb at one am when he’s doing a quick run to 7/11 to grab a few snacks and a six pack. wondering why on earth, a pretty girl like you is alone.

after paying, he exits through the door before walking cautiously towards you. eyes glancing left and right to find no one is around, not even a car. meaning that you may have walked here.

“hi there sweetheart, you okay?” he calls out of worries. it’s very dark outside and far too dangerous for a young thing like you to be all here alone.

the moment you turn your head around, toji swears he had never seen someone so beautiful. glossy irises looking up at him with your messy long curls framing your features. glittery makeup decorating your eyes, nose and lips.

you must be no older than twenty-five.

“huh?” so clueless, yet so pretty. “o-oh. i’m—good, sir.. thank you” shooting him a small toothy grin with a gummy worm tuck in between your teeth,

he chuckles at that, hand shoved into the pockets of his sweatpants. how adorable.

he nods his chin towards your disregarded kitten heels beside you. “rough night?”

shrugging, you tug off the stretchy sweet off your mouth before chewing. “something like that.”

he tsks at that, head shaking. “it’s not safe for a girl like you to be out here. considering it’s very late. did you walk here?”

nodding, you put a strand of hair behind your ear. “i did, yes. i needed.. food. i was hungry.”

your answer makes him breathe out a laugh. “candies aren’t food, sweetheart—i assumed you were at a party dressing like that” he points out at your skin tight pink dress that barely covers your thighs, and he has to restrain himself from thinking unholy thoughts.

“it was getting quite crowded… i didn’t like it.. suffocating” your voice coming off quiet, if not—sad—“the food there is awful too”

toji hums, taking another step closer as your eyes follow his movements. head tilting back a bit when you notice he’s only standing inches away from your small figure,

“boyfriend not around?” his head move to the side, eyes roaming down your figure. shaking your head, he asks again. “what happened?”

you reply shakily. “he dumped me.. called me nasty things” a tear escapes your eye as you begin to remember what your ex had done to you two hours prior. “t-that’s why i’m here.”

when he sees you beginning to cry, he can’t help but feel bad. what a fucking asshole he thinks. making a cute girl cry and dumped her in the middle of the night? who fucking does that?!

he crouches down to your eye level. and that’s when you finally take a good look of his appearance. breath almost hitching at just how even more handsome he looks up close. even the faint scar across his lips just makes this man even more hotter.

“i’m sorry to hear that, sweetheart. sounds to me like he’s a straight jerk, yeah?” he says with a small smile. seeing you nod as a reply. gaze isn’t moving from his. “don’t cry over him, i bet he doesn’t deserve a beautiful girl like you”

your cheeks warm at that, eyes dropping to your lap just so he won’t notice how nervous he makes you feel by that comment. however, his finger moves underneath your chin to get you to look back at him again. his thumb grazing against your soft skin,

“want me to beat his ass for you? because i will, just lead the way”

you can’t help but giggle at his offer, and it makes toji’s heart skip a beat at the beautiful sound. his lips stretch into a bigger smile when he sees you like that.

“atta girl. there she is” he chuckles, “how old are you, baby?”

“i’m twenty one”

toji mutters out a soft ‘fuck’ which earns a confused frown from you. he’s almost twice your age. “you need a ride back to the party? i promise i’m not a creep or anything. just can’t stand at the thought of you walking back alone. something bad could happen, you know?”

“i would like that very much sir, thank you” a smile pulls upon your pink glossy lips, fingers fiddling with each other,

toji finds you to be endearing, adorable and pretty when you look at him like that. it has been too long since someone makes his heart ponder like this, and all you had to do was just smile at him with a gummy packet in your hand.

“call me toji, sweetheart—c’mere. up you get” he moves the sixpack towards his left hand as the other grabs yours, helping you up on your feet. “but before that, i think you need to get better food in your system. we’ll stop by at something, yeah?”

you nod quickly, slipping your feet back into the heels with a wide smile not leaving your face. “okay!”

with that, toji smiles back at you before putting his hand on your back, guiding you towards his car.

-

will expand because in this au toji is a rich ass man and ready to give him everything for his soon to be baby <3

(look what you made me do @tojisun )

[johnwickb1tsch]

The Girl Next Door - V

A Constantine x FemVampire!Reader (feat John Wick!) fic based on this imagine. all chapters warnings: nsfw, blood, biting, violence, divider by animatedglittergraphics

5.  fight the good fight

When you wake again you are bouncing, bent in half slung over a man’s shoulder; the vampire hunter’s. You can tell from the intoxicating scent of his cologne, his sweat, his blood–him. It’s like catnip to you, and for a moment you just want to go back to sleep, and let him take you wherever he’s taking you. 

That’s a very bad idea, of course, and good on you for recognizing it through the haze of bloodloss and whatever other hold he has over you. You still do not understand what he is, or why he has such power over you. 

From what little you can see, it seems like you’re in a dark alley. There are sirens in the distance–the aftermath of the massacre in the club, you presume. He has got you far away. How long have you been out?

You struggle again, managing to worm free and get down, before the vampire hunter pins you against the wall of the building. “Stop that, you’ll hurt yourself,” he grouses, annoyed. He seems in much better shape than before, having stolen your blood. You, on the other hand, feel so weak you can barely stand. 

“Let go. Please let me go.” 

You must sound so pathetic that even this brutal killer softens for you. His grip changes slightly, holding you up against the wall by your waist. You have no delusions, however, that that can change in an instant. Yet…he’s looking at you with those sad dark eyes, like a man drowning. Even with the splatter of blood across his face and the crust of it dried in his long dark hair–he’s so handsome it hurts, and your fingers clench in his jacket, torn between pulling him closer and pushing him away. 

“I’m not going to hurt you, vampling. I saved you.” 

“You…ate me!” 

There is a tick at the corner of his well-formed mouth, betraying his amusement. 

“I took too much. Here, have some back.” He unbuttons his shirt further at the throat to display the strong column of his neck. Your vision zeroes on his jumping pulse like a laser sight, and you notice that intoxicating scent engulfing you again. It’s warm spices and your favorite flowers and pure man–it’s so good that you want to mold yourself to him and never let go. 

It’s a good trick, for a vampire hunter, and at least you are conscious enough to know now that it is a trick. 

“Stop that,” you scold, squeezing your eyes shut as you try to fight it.  

“I can’t help it,” he answers, his voice gone low in a way that shuts down your brain and skips straight your loins. He leans closer, his forehead nearly touching yours, engulfing you with the pure size of him and his hair swinging down to brush your face–he also smells like blood, which does not help you at all. “It’s…you. It’s us.”

“No,” you answer, mostly because you're afraid of someone having that kind of control over you, again. 

“It’s…rare,” he admits. “Who are you?”

“No one,” you insist. “I’m just a girl…who’s really good at being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” And really good at keeping a soft spot for the wrong man. You cannot stop yourself from thinking about John in that moment, and how just one night with him flung you into this strange and terrible supernatural world. Would you change it, if you could? Will there ever come a time, when the thought of him does not feel like talons digging your heart out of your chest? 

“Hmm. Maybe.” He lifts his hand to his throat, and you watch as his fingernails lengthen to sharp points, perfect for breaking his own skin in one neat, bloody line. “Here, milaya. My apology to you.” 

That ruby welling of his life’s essence smells marvelous, and you want to seal your mouth on it more than you’ve wanted anything in a good long while. Somehow, you manage to shake your head, even if minutely. “No, you’ll…enthrall me again or something. I don’t trust you.” 

He sighs. 

“I admit that I want you,” he acknowledges reluctantly. “But you need blood.”

“Yes. Let me go, and I’ll go get some. Again.” It annoys you in that moment that the efforts of your hunt all went to this man’s benefit. Dhampiro, don Juan had called him. Dhampir, you translate to English. Not human, by his own admission. 

Obviously.

He smirks a little down at you. “I saw you feed earlier. Why did you pick him?”

“He killed his wife.” 

“Ah. You like to play jury and executioner.”

“I didn’t kill him.” 

“You’ve killed others though. You’re sloppy about it too.” 

“Am not.” 

He laughs at you, a short, amused, huff, which is as good as an ‘are so’.

“What do you care?” 

“The High Table might start to care, if you make a big enough spectacle of yourself. Naughty little vampires get a visit from the Boogeyman, you know. You aren’t supposed to draw attention. There are rules.” 

“I don’t…know what any of that means,” you’re loathe to admit. 

There’s so much John Constantine could have chosen to fill you in on. Maybe he thought you’d figure it out on your own. Or maybe…he has as much trouble thinking straight around you, as you do him. If he felt a fraction of what you did, when this man before you took you–it’s no wonder you scared John off. Surrendering to that would not be easy for a man like John Constantine. 

“I’d say you need a coven to teach you, but considering what I’m going to do to the locals here…you’d better stick with me.”

“You’re…going to kill them all?” you ask, more intrigued than horrified by the thought. 

“Yes.” There is zero doubt in this man that he can do it, too. After what you saw…you guess you agree with him. Constantine is dangerous, but he could never wreak the sort of massacre this man unleashed in the club. 

And here you are, in his grasp. Well done. 

“Why?”

“Don Juan’s scheming to overthrow the High Table. They don’t like that.” 

“Wait, wait.” A hunger pang washes through you, and you grip his jacket a little harder, your knees weak. The blood dripping down his beautiful throat smells so good, but you realize this might be your chance to finally get some answers. “Who the fuck are the High Table?” 

“How do you not know that?”

“Why does everyone always ask me that instead of just fucking telling me the answer?” you snipe, practically vibrating with frustration. 

“You really have been so alone this whole time?” he asks, his dark eyes inexplicably softening for you. He looks down at you, cupping the side of your face with a paw of a hand, stroking your cheek with his thumb. Maybe it just feels good to be handled like you are something precious, rather than like a farm animal. Or maybe…you are losing your mind, but you have to close your eyes again, shielding yourself from the weight of that blackhole gaze.

“Yes.” You’re not proud of the way your voice cracks as you utter that one word. You hate it, that you think of John, and how he said he’d help you, but mostly he just disappeared on you. You know he has his own life, and his own problems…but he practically abandoned you, all while living right next door. 

It was a good trick, truth be told.  

“That’s a hard way to live. I would know.” His thumb is still stroking your cheek, and it feels so good, and you know this is madness. It has to be a trick. Everything is a fucking trick, with these guys. And yet…it’s as though you can feel this man’s loneliness, the weight of his solitude pressing down upon you, every time you look into his eyes. 

Maybe it’s because he kills everyone, you remind yourself, marveling at your unflagging ability to empathize with the most unavailable men you can find. 

“The High Table?” you prompt again through gritted teeth, trying not to give in to the urge to pull him close, to hide in the bend of his neck, to lose yourself in the heady taste of him and forget everything else. 

“They rule the Underworld. You. Me. Everything that goes bump in the night answers to Them.” He tells you this without condescension, and you could kiss him for that alone. 

“Demons too?”

“No, they’re Hell’s problem. Usually.”

“Then…the High Table are vampires?”

“Vampires. Weres. Sirens. Fey.” He tilts his head in thought. “I’m sure I’m missing something.”   

You nod, trying to digest this information while you are so starved you can hardly think. He’s named more things you didn’t even know existed, but you shouldn’t be surprised at this point. But then…if demons are Hell’s purview, what system of belief do the rest of them answer to? The magnitude of this question makes your head spin. Finding out that the Christian God was real was wild enough for you. What about the rest? 

“Wait…does this mean…all the Gods are real?”

Your leap of logic to the biggest existential question known to man seems to amuse him, the corner of his mouth curling for you. “Malyshka,” he scolds you softly. “You really want to discuss this here? Come on.”

He seems to think he’s taking you somewhere, but you resist again, bracing against the wall.   

“I’d rather…go home, if it’s the same to you.” you admit, winning yourself a tired sigh.

“I can’t…let you do that yet.” 

“Why not?”  

Again, he strokes your face with that big hand, and you feel as though he’s looking into your very soul. 

“You remind me of someone I once knew,” he admits. “A long time ago.”

Someone he lost, you infer from the longing that is woven into those words. Why does that make your heart ache for him?

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “But whoever she was…I’m not her.”

“No,” he agrees, but he tilts his head to examine you, like you are an amoeba under a microscope.  

“But the universe moves in circles, and something is happening here.” He inhales, and you see a flash of that eerie electric blue in his irises again. “I have to know what it is.”

Whatever you meant to say in answer is swallowed up by his mouth lowering to yours, a kiss that is somehow demanding and languorously slow. He claims your lips for his own, holding you to him as his tongue slides into your mouth, teasing you like you’ve done this a thousand times before. Maybe you don’t need to breathe, but he leaves you breathless all the same, overwhelmed by that pheromone scent and his hands on you, one paw at the back of your head guiding your mouth to his neck. He tastes like a miracle, strong and heady and so delicious as you drink him down mouthful by mouthful. His blood is so potent you feel your strength begin to return just from the first swallow, and the rest is pure high. 

You start to see some things, about this man whose blood is in your mouth. You see flashes of a forbidding dark forest, and fighting, so much fighting. A quaint little cottage in the woods, so humble, so warm. There is a woman whose touch feels like sunshine. ‘Yelena,’ he calls her. And with her hands in his hair and a smile on her lips she calls him…

“Jardani?”

 He jerks back to look at you with haunted eyes, pinning you to the wall with his big hand spanning your chest. Drunk on the want of him, you whine like a thwarted kitten, trying to return to the bloody font of his throat. He searches your face as though desperate for the answer to some crucial riddle written upon your features. “How…?” But does not give you the chance to answer, his mouth crashing over yours again with a new ardor, gripping you so hard that even you will have bruises. 

You cannot think. 

There is only the taste of him, intoxicating and wonderful and you cannot stop yourself from pulling at his clothes, holding him to you. You want to climb him, devour him, be inside him, as surely as his lightning-charged blood is raging through you. 

“Fuck,” you hiss when at last you manage to pull away, not for breath but just a break from this madness. What the fuck is he doing to you?

“Yeah?” he asks, seemingly with all seriousness, hoisting you against the wall with hands on your thighs like you weigh nothing at all. Your legs wrap around his waist out of instinct; he pins you with his hips, his manhood rock hard against your center. He grinds against you, his lips on your neck again, teasing open the wound he left earlier, and you can’t help but moan, soaking wet and aching to be filled. In that moment you don’t care that you’re in a dirty alley with a man you don’t even know. You know the heart of him, and right now you would swear unequivocally that he belonged to you. 

“Wow. You High Table assholes sure know how to treat a lady.”

The sound of that familiar voice makes you freeze, some small modicum of sanity returning to you. 

Your would-be lover is less civil, snarling at the newcomer in the alley. “Not a good time, Constantine.” 

“No time like the present, Wick. Put her down.”

With his attention fixed somewhere else, some modicum of clearer thought returns to you. Your first stop is pure mortification. 

There is John, standing tall with his legs spread in his usual black and white suit, and to his shoulder he is holding a large, golden…cross gun? Like he totally intends to use it if he has to. 

The sight of him makes your heart ache with longing. No tricks. No magic. You just…adore him, even while wrapped up in another man’s arms, and you realize you are as hopeless as you are smitten. That connection between you glows again. You feel it in your chest, and it helps clear the lustful ardor that a moment ago gripped you so completely.

Dhampir magic is some scary shit.

The vampire hunter–Jardani?–Wick?–looks at you as though you’ve said something out loud. His eyes narrow; he doesn’t seem to like it one bit. He does put you down, but holds you in front of him like a shield, his big hand at your throat. 

“Never thought the John Constantine would turn vampire’s familiar. Who knew?” taunts the dhampir behind you. 

“What?”

 Both men ignore your question, fixed on each other in this standoff. 

“Call it what you want,” Constantine answers stonily. “I’m the one holding the gun. Let her go.” 

“I don’t want to.”

“I see that. Nice, you always gotta use your Blood Lure to get laid?” 

“Hardly. Your little vampling here is a special girl.” 

“Yeah. But she doesn’t belong to you, Wick, so let her go.” 

“You love her?” 

Wide eyed, you can’t stop yourself from fixating on John at that question, gone grave-still in Wick’s unrelenting grasp. 

In answer, John mostly just grinds his teeth, his lower jaw jutting. “It’s complicated,” he finally admits, and though that’s never a good answer from a man, your treacherous undead heart still skips a beat.  

“I think she deserves better than it’s complicated.”

“Not from you, half breed. Let her go.” 

You feel Wick tense behind you, and you remember the absolute whirlwind of carnage he caused in the club a few blocks away, that supernatural berzerker rage that mowed down vampire after vampire. John is formidable, but you can’t help but think no one can stand up to that and live. “Please,” you say, appealing to the wall of a man behind you. “Please, just let us go.”

Wick growls deep in his chest–a chilling, primal sound that resonates through you, your every hair standing on end. 

His grip upon you flexes, as though his physical being abhors the very idea of it. You’re not really afraid for yourself now. You’re afraid for John, and unbidden you start to cry those bloody tears. “I love him,” you say in the most hushed whisper you can muster, and the moment it leaves your lips you know it’s true, and maybe it has been true since the night you made that grouchy man dinner, and he made you feel like you mattered to someone in this big mean city. “Please don’t hurt him.”

Somehow, this is the thing that seems to call this dangerous man down. For a moment his grip around your waist tightens; he inhales your scent deeply, his nose behind your ear sending a warm thrill down your spine. He speaks low, though you think John can probably hear him anyway. “He doesn’t look good, vampling. I won’t have to wait long for you.” 

Suddenly, he’s just gone. Disappeared into the shadows, as though he is made of night. 

Unsupported, you stumble, and fall right on your butt. 

John looks around warily with the strange gun at the ready, sweeping the alley like he can’t believe the dhampir had actually retreated. Slowly he crosses to you, impossibly tall from your vantage of the ground. He seemingly reluctantly offers you a hand. “You ok?” 

“No,” you answer truthfully, taking his hand, the warm strength of his grip a welcome boon. When he pulls you to your feet you want more than anything to just be in his arms. 

But all he offers you is a hard stare, and a brusque, “Come on,” as he pulls you towards the other end of the alley. 

It’s complicated, he’d said.  

Why does that have to feel right then like he hates your guts?

You’re getting tired of crying for this man. You remind yourself of this as the ball of despair rises in your throat and your eyes sting like mace. 

Did he hear you? If he heard your heartfelt confession to the dhampir, even if it saved his life…he did not like it at all. 

[hxjikonn]

(Artist: @/wrt_428 on twtr)

Octavinelle trio x GN!Reader who loves exploring the ocean

☆Staring☆: Azul Ashengrotto, Jade Leech, And Floyd Leech

TW!! Just some foul words and cusses (all in a light hearted manner though nothing serious)

Synopsis: Octavinelle trio reaction to GN!Reader who loves to dive under the sea to explore.

Azul Ashengrotto

Was weirded out by you. As in “I’m gonna keep an eye on this odd human who like to go down the ocean to play with fish just incase”

He met you at a beach at night (and no not the romantic “beach at moonlight love at first sight” thing) he was looking for coins for his coin collection…and you…you just dived into the water

He didn’t care at first cuz you were just one human, but he noticed it’s been too long since you’ve went down. He thought you drowned😭

Slightly concerned he went after you but then saw you just swimming around following a group of sea horses

He kinda sorta just watched you play around, lay on the sea bed, collect a few shells and rocks you thought were pretty

You occasionally came up for air, and when you do he hides behind big rocks thinking you wont notice. (You did.)

Neither of you made a move to approach each other though. Untilllllll you found a pretty shiny coin.

Azul gasped (underwater?? Idk if you can do that but whatevs) you heard it and for the first time you actually made eye contact with the human octopus guy

Azul thought you’d be afraid of him so he started scaring you that he was a sea witch and that he’d curse you if you don’t give him the coin.

Your dumbass (yes I’m calling you out) laughed…underwater…and you were waayyy down to get up the surface without drowning.

Azul thought he scared you too much (he’s sorta dumb too lol) so one of his tentacles grabbed you and swam up as fast as he could.

Long story short, after you vomited the gallon of sea water in your system, you thanked him and gave him the coin, he was happy but didn’t try to make it obvious (it was very obvious)

You started looking for him whenever you went diving since that day, he was lowkey waiting for you everyday too and is sad when you dont come

When you do come you ask him tons of questions about his tentacles and use them as your personal chair, or cling to one of them when Azul starts swimming just because it’s fun

He acts annoyed, but he really enjoys your company. Even finding ways for you to stay underwater longer so you could stay with him more often

He tries to keep you near shore, he wants to show you around more but you’re a small human. Perfect prey for big underwater predators.

Helps you collect shells and rocks, thinks it’s endearing that you have the same hobby as he does.

And ofc Azul isn’t azul without his contracts, practically sales talk you to make a contract with him so he can make you breathe underwater

Not because he’s worried you accidentally drown or anything no totally not that /sarcasm folks *wink wink*

It’s because according to him “he wants to make you his coin searcher so he can complete his coin collection” (it’s already complete, he has like 25 complete albums just of coins…)

You never agree though 💀💀💀 I guess Azul just has a human to watch after now so they wont drown

——————————————————————————

Jade Leech

Would be fascinated by you. Bro would “observe” you for hours…

When he found you, you were laying on the sea bed…eye closed…star fish pose…he thought you were a dead body 😭😭

“Floyd forgot to clean up his mess again…” he said to himself…thinking Floyd prolly went on a squeezing spree again

He approached you, because he was gonna pull your body up shore so the other humans can deal with. But when you opened your eyes and saw the long wiggly worm fish man you freaked out

You freaked out so hard you inhaled water 💀 And it took him a few seconds to realize that you weren’t dead…but you were about to be if he doesn’t get you up

He did though, really quickly too. You thought you guys were gonna jump through a different dimension due to how fast he swam.

Once you were up, and you got the sea water you inhaled out of your system, Jade was still watching you…just staring at you with half his face still in the water, his unblinking eyes are the only ones that are surfaced…

You were scared outta your damned body but you still thanked him for saving your stupid ass.

You were more scared when he talked. 💀💀💀

“HOLY SHIT YOU CAN TALK?!!?” “yes. ^^”

He started asking questions about why the fuck you were laying down where he found you cuz tbh who wouldn’t???

You explained to him that you just like to stay underwater and explore, and that you can hold your breath for a long time so it doesn’t bother you that much

He apologized for scaring you and offered to take you to different parts of the ocean when you go diving again…

You agreed of course, and after that he’s stuck to you. Fascinated by the human who loves being underwater.

When he takes you to places, he doesn’t really go exploring with you, he just follows along, watching you curiously look at everything

You two made a signal where you blink two times to tell him you need to go up for air, and he would swim you up and wait for you to catch your breath before swimming back down

He lets you cling onto him when he swims cuz he knows you have fun when you do that.

He keeps you away from danger too, he can fight but he rather not considering you’re a fragile little human who he might put at risk when he fights off predators who’d want to eat you.

Thinks it’s cute that you play with fishes, so cute he almost buys you a collar with “Jade’s pet human” written on it 😭

Is sad when you have to go home, he understands you need to go back to your home up shore cuz your a human and you get tired

But he ALWAYS asks for an extra hour, if you’re tired, you can use him as a bed…underwater…where he’s close to you.

Tries to send subliminal messages to Azul for him to turn you into a fish already so Jade can keep you with him and you never have to leave.

——————————————————————————

Floyd Leech

Thought you were trying to find creative ways to die 😭💀

He wasn’t in a good mood when he found you, he wanted to squeeze the life out of you for trespassing in his territory

But then he saw you dancing with jellyfishes… “what in the spongebob squarepants are they doing?” He thought.

Saw you get stung a couple of times and expected you to get angry at the jellyfish but you didn’t, it hurt sure but when you got stung you just rubbed it and continued on

You were happy with what you were doing which is what made Floyd more curious, he silently followed you around after that, he didn’t bother hiding from you

In fact you notice him following you, and look at him a couple of times thinking he wants to eat you, but he doesn’t even make a move, just stares

As much as he was curious about you, you too were curious about him. So one time, you saw his tail poking out form behind a rock….you touched it…he was shocked so his first instinct was to strangle you thinking you were some guy tryna pick a fight with him…you passed out 💀

When you woke up you were up shore…instead of the sky though, you saw a couple of dilated pupils staring back at you…

“Uhhh hi?” You blinked at him a couple of times

He thought you died, he was happy you didn’t cuz he was amused by your guts to touch his tail like that knowing you could probably die

He asked if you were okay before squeezing you into a tight soul crushing hug claiming that your “his human” now

He asks you lots of questions and you try your best to answer each one, still shaken up about the near death experience you had just went through

After that he waits for you at the beach everyday, he wants you by his side all the time from then on

He clings on to you all the time when you’re underwater, wraps himself around your little body, does the swimming for you since he thinks you’re slow carrying you with him

Gets bored when you collect shells and rocks but still tries his best to be patient since you looks so cute and small just searching the sea bed for them

He doesn’t see value in the things you’re collecting but when you gave him a green rock he kept it on his shelves at home always looking at it and smiling

His mood cant always tolerate your rock and shell collecting so takes you to a ship wreck to collect shinier things.

Scares, kills, beats the living shit out of any predator who tries to harm his little human companion

He has his mood swings and the first time you encountered that you didn’t know how to handle him, he ended up hitting you with his tail hurting you in the process

You got hit so hard you thought flew across the Pacific Ocean…(I was being sarcastic on this part😭🤚🏻 y’all in replies are sending me💀💀)

When you swam up badly hurt he followed you realizing what he did and rushed to help, but you were already running out the beach when he got there

Floyd was upset the whole week, you didn’t come back and he was afraid you never will come back ever again.

When you did though he squeezed you (gently) trying not to hurt you even more he kept apologizing and for the rest of the day he was just wrapped up around you not letting you go

Doesn’t ever snap at you when he has his mood swings ever again.

Possessive of you, doesn’t want you to meet others like him cuz he thinks you’d make a lot of friends and leave him behind

“Mine.” “Floyd no.” “Floyd yes.”

A/N: This was fun to make, laughed a lot while writing this. Again…I did not proofread this I never proofread 💀💀 I’m lazy like that

Edit A/N: THX TO THAT REPLY TELLING ME THEY CANT STING OML I’M STUPID😭 I changed it though dw :D

[irregularcollapse]

for the kiss drabble ask, 38 for clegan!! (38's is this: …because they’re running out of time. it feels beautifully angsty)

i'm going to cheat!! because! i wrote this for a christmas fic that i may or may not finish on time. but it fits the prompt! and maybe has some of the requested angst. i've been mulling this prompt over and over since you sent it, and i think the concept wormed its way into my planning for this fic. and hopefully if i make it known that i'm writing this, i can guilt myself into finishing it on time! perhaps!

requisite context is that Bucky is about to get on a plane (to LONDON!!!) and go away for a year (or will he?). he is around 23 years old, and Gale is around 20.

this is currently not proofread or edited! still very much in the working stages! but a little preview of something Christmassy.

38. ...because they're running out of time.

“It was your idea, Buck. You told me to go.”

“For a month or two, not—It’s a whole year, John. And maybe it don’t seem like long right now, but you’re gonna—”

“Forget you? Come on. Babydoll,” he croons, maybe a little hammed, and it turns out Bucky is the one looping arms around Gale’s neck and tugging him in, kiss landing on his cheekbone. “How could I?” When Gale breathes out, it huffs and shakes, warmth stuttering over Bucky’s neck. His arms come up, wrap around Bucky’s middle, vying for closer contact against the barrier of his backpack. Some jostling, and he shoves it out of the way, arms locking in a solid brace.

“I know you—you ain’t the pen-pal type. And you’re gonna meet people.”

“Buck, baby, don’t think like that, alright? It’s only a year.” When Gale doesn’t reply, only drops his forehead to Bucky’s shoulder—another way of not looking Bucky in the eye—he finds himself gritting a sigh. “You should come with me.” The shake of Gale’s head is almost immediate, and he doesn’t straighten.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Fuck, Gale. I don’t know, then. I—” He sucks his teeth, shifting until he can drive Gale backward by the shoulders before tripping fingertips over his hardened jaw. There aren’t tears in his eyes. There’s not much of anything at all, just that crystal emptiness. Bucky’s palm slots against his jaw the way it always has; neat, easy, object and receptacle. He tucks some of Gale’s hair behind his ear without thinking about it, just something his fingers know how to do. “If I’m going to bet on anything, I’m going to bet on us, Buck.”

Gale’s eyes are huge, and hollowed, shadowy with what could be the lack of sleep: they’d stayed up all night after the bon voyage get-together, talking, and fooling around, and then he’d spent most of the morning checking everything in Bucky’s suitcase. His silences stretched as the day went on, until the drive to the airport had him only humming as punctuation to anything Bucky said as he drove. The rose-gold of his complexion looks grayish and murky under the halogen lighting. Even his lips are pale, held tight but seeming to sag.

“Don’t say that. You don’t know.”

“And you don’t, either.” Maybe Bucky is trying, a little bit, to push a smile onto Gale’s face with the way his thumb rubs at the corner of that drooping mouth. Still a sweet thing, pouting and pretty, but it’s miles from the devoted sadness that Bucky fantasized about: Gale looks as though he could throw up. “You know something I do know?” The grip on Gale’s face is more of a guide now, keeping his head straight. Bucky can’t do anything about his gaze, which does drop and flicker even as his hands come up to wrap around Bucky’s wrists. “I know I love you a whole lot, and I’m not a quitter. Not when I worked so hard to get you, huh?” He tucks away another wisp of Gale’s hair, lingering a moment in trailing through the length of it to his shoulder with meditative fingers. He’d dreamed of this as well, in the months before making his move. There’s no giving it up, no possibility of it, not when Gale leans into his touch like that even while looking so drained of all his light.

Bucky swallows, and a jagged rock works its way from the back of his tongue through his chest and into his stomach.

“I’ll be back at Christmas, for a bit. I’ll come back, alright? It’ll be you an’ me, same as always. C’mere, baby.” He can feel the downturned slope of Gale’s lips against his own, and the wetly quivering breath that Gale draws in, but he does kiss back. He kisses back, and a TSA agent is shouting to remind everyone in the queue to remove their shoes, and a big bubbling family are all talking over each other, and there’s a final boarding call crackling across the PA system, and Bucky’s heart is throbbing and thumping in his ears, but when Gale murmurs something into his mouth, he thinks that it might be, “Don’t count on it.”

(from these kiss prompts!)

[unicyclehippo]

touch

‘you know i’m like this all the way down, don’t you? it isn’t - it isn’t an act, i do laugh it off sometimes dear, it can be terribly funny but. i am like this. forever. and it’s—could you—do you think you might be able to withstand that for a long time? i should like to be with you for a long time but it would depend on - on when you get exhausted, you see, because i must live with this or - ha - not live with, i suppose, but survive, contend, with this for however long i shall live but you, well.’ laudna’s twists her face into graceful acceptance. soft, understanding, hardly sad at all. it’s very easy to do, once you have the trick of it. ‘you needn’t. deal with this. the bark and the hair and the nails. the popping joints. the ichor, the aches, the smell, the stares, the rot.’ the word drops between them, gross, embarrassing, like she’d spat by accident. her teeth are hatesharp in her mouth. ‘the teeth,’ she adds.

imogen looks up from the book she studies with such careful, wonderful intent. so smart. she quirks a brow, amused. ‘i know what you are, laud. you forget we’ve been travellin’ together awhile now?’

‘no, no.’ her stomach twists, her hands twist, knot, roots. so is she, rooted in place. ‘i know, dear, i only mean to remind you—should you need a moment to yourself, or, or should something in particular sicken you—‘

‘laudna.’

she sinks low. imogen isn’t listening. of course not. she is kind. she lo-hmm. yes, well, laudna can surmise imogen likely loves her. which is, well, lovely! but they haven’t been in love for very long and laudna has never done it before, romance, love, but she knows herself. how she clings to things. she knows herself. love to her is like…tar. sticky and black, bubbling and pouring up and up around their ankles their calves their knees her beautiful knees. if imogen doesn’t know that now then gods help her, what if she drowns her—them—in it? and she would, imogen would stay with her she would be pleased by it, even, because she loves her, but there is something wrong with it. impossible to know if it has always been this or if it’s all the death and the accessories she’s obtained through it—lady d, trauma, blah blah blah—but she thinks she has a capacity for love like a pyre, grease-fire and rising choking smoke; like a hungry dog, snapbite shut around the hand outstretched. and she knows what she wants for imogen, the kind of love she deserves, and how far it is from what she has to offer.

‘what are you afraid of, honey?’

laudna nibbles at her bottom lip. she takes up the bone she has been carving and turns it between her fingers, not wanting to see the moment imogen sees her, maskless, exposed.

‘i want to hold you until we both die,’ laudna says, sad and sweet. ‘i want to lay down in a grave with you side by side and i shall never move again and every worm that comes to eat us up will be little versions of us, because they’ve fed on us, and they will be in love and they’ll feed all the farms and chickens and we’ll be a thousand souls in love. i want to open up your scars and see what is under your skin, what your magic does under there. i want,’ she says, and folds her elbows close to her rotten chest, folds herself small, words small, so not a page stirs, not another soul could be stirred by what she admits. ‘i want to taste it. i want to grow into a tree and grow around you like armour like a second skin so you are always safe and maybe grow taproots, grow into you. through you. i want you as part of me forever. i want to touch you, i want to always be touching you, i want you to never be able to move without feeling me beside you, i want you to crack me open and see how vile it is inside of me and plunge in neck deep and when you struggle to get out, i want to hold on.’ she pauses. ‘i want to dislocate my jaw.’

imogen sits very still. her eyes very dark. she lets out a slow breath, pink tongue flicking out to wet her lips. ‘what-‘ she clears her throat. ‘what does that last one have to do with me?’

‘it doesn’t really. but. i’ll always be quite horrible to be around and i want you to be with me anyway.’

[sibmakesart]

hello! i really love your art & animations! i'm not sure if someone has asked this already but: what do you use to animate? & how long have you been animating for? do u know of any tutorials/classes? (i'm a beginner learning on my own atm!)

hi ! thanks a lot :D

Software wise it depends, procreate for the little sketchy animations, toon boom story board and harmony for bigger projects, sometimes blender even ^^ and unity for work, but its special for video games, i even animated a lot on photoshop when i started !!! never again !!!

i composite in after effect or premiere, depending on what needs to be done, sometimes both for big stuff, but if youre learning animation, focus on the basics before the aesthetics (you can fumble your way into compositing way more easily than anim)

ive been animating on and off for 5 years, 3 of wich were in animation school (during which we surprisingly did not animate much lmao) i got this film out of it tho lol

as for tutos....

i cannot recomend enough The Animator's survival guide, you ccan find the free pdf on the internet, and a bunch of people explaining and showcasing it on yt, its basically the bible for 2d animation

this vid is also very good to get a feel of animation, and the basics, the guy also has v good classes on his channel

but basically the best way to learn is to animate ! a lot ! and look at animations you like, download them and look at them frame by frame : how does the timing work, how doess that character moves, etc

ACT IT OUT ! FILM YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM DOING STUPID SHIT ! ANIMATE IT ! (believe me, im as sad as you that this is the answer to good anim... but it is...)

and what kind of anim do you like to make ! fights ? chara acting ? sfx ? theres a LOT in which you can specialize (if making a living out of it is your goal) so play around in a cheap/free/cracked software and see what you like and what works for you !

animation is a very complete field : you gotta know perspective, anatomy, acting, composition, exercising any of these skills ultimately makes your animations better !

3d anim is a whole other can of worm, but (IMO) still requires 2d basics,

TO CONCLUDE :

just go ham on doing weird shit and consume, consume,consume animation : short gobelin/carlarts films, all of richard williams filmography, obscure russian animated movies from the 70's, youll ALWAYS learn something, thats how you learn best

Happy creating !! animation is AMAZING the way i felt the first time i made something that MOVES ? unparralleled

[uncouth-the-fifth]

twice the trouble - Sam Winchester/Reader/Ruby

read it on Ao3.

Pairing: Sam Winchester/Reader/Ruby

Tags/Warnings: Oral Sex, Double Blowjobs, Threesome - FFM, Cum Play, Reader is Bisexual, Deepthroating, poor subby Sam.

Word Count: 3k.

Notes: I have so much love for my fellow sam freaks, but I cannot beLIEVE this fic has not been done already. I sincerely hope I wasn’t the only one who watched the scene in season four and hoped Ruby and Sam were looking for a third 🤰

Ask to be added to my tag list!

“Is she good at sucking you off, Sam?”

He tries his best to look unaffected. Sam sucks in a long, restrained sigh through his nose and sets his elbows on his trembling knees, rubbing his eyes like pressing hard enough would make the mattress swallow him whole. It’s a remarkable display of willpower, honestly. If your situations were reversed, and it was you sweating at the end of the bed while Ruby groped Sam’s tits in front of you, well. You would not be as resilient, that’s for damn sure.

She has very cold hands. That has no effect on how handsy she gets with you, first slipping comfortably against the curve of your back and then taking two handfuls of your bra. It’s lacy, white, pretty, and basically lethal, since your tits look fantastic in it. They must feel even better, since Ruby gives them a single fierce squeeze and sighs right along with you.

Sam can’t speak. He’s a little wild in the eyes, covering his mouth with one hand and his dick with the other.

“Don’t be rude to your girlfriend,” Ruby taunts. “Is it true? Can she suck dick better than a pornstar?”

“That’s not what I said,” you clarified. “I said I suck dick like a pornstar, not better than.”

Ruby’s sharp eyes slide to Sam. She must want more from the horny panic rising on his face ( oh, god, two half-naked women that want him—what ever will he do? ), because her fingertips are suddenly bruising the hollows of your cheeks to force your jaw open. Sam jerks straight up on the bedspread. After a bit of griping and yelping around Ruby’s fingers, though, you allow yourself to relax back into her. She’s just playing. Just riling Sam up, and you love that it’s working.

“See, I don’t believe her,” Ruby tells him. “Sure, _____’s got a big mouth—“ for that, you twist your head to bite playfully at her fingers, which just makes her grip snap tighter around your jaw, “but c’mon, Sam. She’s all bark. When it comes down to it, I could never picture her getting down on her knees… getting all slobbery and covered in drool and cum… choking on a dick. Has she ever done that for you before?”

To support Ruby’s cause, you fight a little in her iron grip and give Sam the big, sad eyes he can’t help but swoop in and save.

True to form, he does.

Sam ran his sweaty palms down his thighs, swallowing. “She has. And she’s, she’s… really good.”

“She can’t be that good if that’s all you have to say,” Ruby answered, cooly. She tilted closer, “Go on. Tell me how you really feel.”

There it was. The restraint on Sam’s face held for a beat longer and caved just as fast, his eyes going dark and immediately devouring the sight of you and Ruby. Her hand on your face, the other worming under your bra. The plush spill-over of flesh around the tight waistbands of your panties. He was too hard to hide, now, and had finally given up trying. In slow big-pupilled blinks, Sam took on the eager, greedy energy he’d had last time—when you’d ridden his cock and Ruby had ridden his face. He was too sweet to ask for seconds, but if they were offered to him…

Sam was answering Ruby, but he spoke straight to you.

“You always take such good care of me,” he wets his lips. “Other girls I’ve been with, they, uhm, lose steam, tryin’ to… fit it, but you wanted to take the whole thing so bad. You worked so hard, and now you take it like you were made to every time—and all the time. At this point, I’m convinced you’ll never get enough. The second we’re alone you drop straight to your knees n’ shove your face in my lap, begging me to let you suck my dick cause’ you love it so much. You’re beyond good.”

Okay. Woah. All that combined with Sam’s soft, sexy, raspy voice, and you feel beyond good.

“Wow,” Ruby purred, impressed. She drops your aching face to stroke it instead, cupping your chin and tilting you closer to hum, “Guess I read you wrong, pretty girl… but I don't think I can fully believe it til’ I see it.”

You’re already squirming with the urge to prove yourself, stumbling over your words. “Lemme show you, Ruby, I-I can—Sam? Can I please show her?“

“Of course you can,” he rasps, warmly. Sam says it like you’d asked for something that already belongs to you, and you love love love him for it.

He opens a hand for you to take. Ruby gives you a playful little shove that sends you giggling into Sam, but you probably would’ve thrown yourself at him anyway. You let the momentum carry you onto your knees in your home between Sam’s legs, which instantly puts this blush on his face that’s just picture-worthy. Ruby takes the opportunity to saddle up next to him and give him a kiss, and you follow her lead, taking turns making Sam melt further into the bedspread. He is rarely treated to so much affection and love, so it is an important part of the blowjob process to absolutely drown him in it. At one point you’re both stroking his hair with your lip glosses all over his face, and he looks so happy your heart could burst.

“Take off your stupid belt, please,” you ask him, practically vibrating with anticipation.

Sam chuckles (nervously) and does as asked. The second his hands are clear, you and Ruby descend on him like a pit crew, tearing off his shirt and working his jeans out from under him. If you were Ruby, your hands would already be all over Sam’s sculpted chest and arms—but you’re not Ruby, so you have the special privilege of dragging Sam’s boxers down his legs and wrapping your lips around his cock. A low, happy rumble rolls out from deep in Sam’s chest, and you join him, moaning around the familiar rich taste of Sam on your tongue. He’s earthy and good and smooth, sitting perfectly in the immediate wetness of your mouth. The taste is mouth-watering, which will make the coming push and pull into a glide. Your spit drools down his shaft and makes his dick gleam. For now, you fill your cheeks with him and get comfortable, fiercely pumping what you have left to fit down your throat.

Your view of him is fucking spectacular. Sam is a long, handsome line of defined muscle and flushed, gleaming skin above you. He watches you from behind his messy bangs, lips parted for tight little gasps of pleasure. When it’s time for you to open your throat and start suckling more of him down, Sam throws his head back and fucking seethes with desire. Ruby is quick to correct him. She takes a fistful of his hair and shoves his head forward to look at you, and her timing is fucking amazing, since it’s then that you find your stride and bob your way another inch deeper. Sam actually whines . With a few more methodical, surging bobs of your head, you’re close to tasting all of him. He’s so deep that you can feel him throbbing in time with the pulse in your throat. It takes patience and enthusiasm (which you have in spades), but once you grind your nose into his base and soak up your victory, there’s no losing it—every suck after that just gets easier, until you can throat him all the way in one go.

And you do. In slow, sucking surges, you find your pace, going all the way down on him and coming all the way off—and goddammit, maybe you are better than a porn star.

You make wet, filthy suckling sounds at any opportunity and blow a few bubbles in your spit, just in case Ruby really meant what she said about you being too chicken to get dirty. Sam really, really likes it.

“Fuck,” he mewls.

“She really can take the whole thing,” Ruby hums.

It takes intense focus to keep your throat open and your jaw relaxed, but holy fucking hell does Sam make it worth it for you. He makes weak little sob-sounds at every tiny movement, laboring from head to toe for relief that you refuse to give. When he tries to throw his head back Ruby redirects him again, and you’re granted the absolute pussy-wetting visual of Sam’s dazed, half-lidded eyes glued to the place where your lips seal around his cock. His sweaty hair hangs in his eyes. He looks absolutely gorgeous. Just for Sam, you stare up at him with big wet eyes and cheeks puffy with dick and moan like rent’s due, like there’s nothing you’d rather be doing in that moment than sucking him off.

“Jesus, _____—“ Sam practically sobs. “Oh god—gonna—m’ gonna—“

Unfortunately, he’s not gonna do anything yet. You’re not selfish. Ruby helped you get here, which means it would be rude not to share. You slip off him with a dirty pop before Sam can cum, spit still rolling down your neck and chest. Feels good to be good.

“No, no, wait,” Sam gasps, pathetically, “_____, please—“

You lift your hands to cup Sam’s face, hoping to kiss it better, but Ruby intercepts you.

“Nuh-uh,” she utters, and hooks a gentle hand around the back of your neck. “I get a taste first.”

You’ve kissed Ruby before, for all sorts of reasons, but the imposing outline of her silhouette hanging over you never fails to fill you with the same taboo rush. Her vessel’s still freezing cold. Ruby balances a hand on Sam’s thigh and tilts your faces together. Behind her hair where Sam can’t see, she gives you a sweet conspiratory kiss that’s just meant for the two of you—and when you brush her hair back from her face, it becomes a show for Sam, her sucking and licking the taste of him from your mouth. You play her pliant little victim as per usual, yelping and moaning at the slightest nip. Ruby licks the spit off your chin and captures your whole being in a fierce, wet, kiss, and suddenly your underwear has poofed into smoke. You must be giggling a little too loud for her taste, because she breaks away and gives your closest arm a quick pinch.

“Ow! So mean,” you laugh.

Ruby kisses you again, and you get the sense this isn’t for Sam anymore. “You like it,” she flirts, “like being pushed around.”

“Girls,” Sam clears his throat. He complains, “Getting a little jealous here,” but his face shows the total opposite. He loves that you and Ruby like each other.

Just to remind her you’re not a total push-over, you give Ruby a few teasing pinches of your own and then flee into the safety of Sam’s side, where she can’t get you. Luckily there’s only a small streak of revenge in her eyes, and Ruby decides to save your torture for later. Sam’s on the rack. She fills up his other side, and the two of you spend the next minutes assuaging even his fake jealousy with back-and-forth kisses. Sam’s face always steams when you share him this way, and it’s easily your favorite way to torture him with Ruby. Nothing else makes him harder, and you don’t exactly blame him. Having two sexy women in your lap, fighting for your attention, taking turns kissing you, tasting the other on your lips… It sounds like something Dean would make up.

By the time you’re finished, Sam is red-faced and putty in your hands. You stroke his hair and he rolls right into the touch, wanting more, wanting you.

Ruby hides her smirk in Sam’s freckly shoulder. She asks you, “Do you think he deserves to cum?”

“Hmm. I mean, look at him, Ruby,” you scoop up Sam’s chin, “he’s so damn cute. And he looks all helpless and miserable—“

“Like a puppy begging for treats,” she agrees.

“Sam?” You stroke his face with your finger and revel in how desperate he looks. “Do you want your treat?”

Swallowing, Sam nods until his head is close to falling off. You’ve given him a minute to find his bearings, but his tank is still close to spilling. All he’ll need is a little bit more.

With this in mind, you exchange a glance with Ruby, and that’s all it takes for the two of you to slide off the bed in tandem. The second Sam realizes what you’re doing, he breaks out into the most broken stuttering you’ve ever heard. If this were anyone but Sam the two of you would be crammed shoulder-to-shoulder between his legs, but Ruby has plenty of room to link in beside you and snuggle in close to his lap. While Sam hyperventilates, you scoop him up around the base and admire him with Ruby. His cock gleams top to bottom with loads of spit, and all the wetness draws pretty highlights along the more obvious veins along the shaft. Your favorite part, without contest, is the deep pink head, which is the perfect size to hold in your mouth when he cums.

“I always forget just how big he is,” Ruby murmurs, tying her hair back.

“Big enough to share,” you beam.

Sam makes a helpless noise at this, praying that you don’t go easy on him. Like you, Ruby must understand that Sam only has so much in him left before he’s finished, because she wastes no time fucking around. There’s no way he’s surviving the two of you for more than a minute. So, no—you’re not going easy on him.

You’re a girl’s girl, so you let Ruby make the first move. She does exactly what you would’ve done if you’d been forced to watch someone else suck Sam off—she gets as much of him in her mouth as she possibly can. You’re pretty sure demons don’t need to breathe. They must not have gag-reflexes either, since Ruby swallows down all that Sam has to give in one go. She’s a total cheater, but it’s also weirdly hot. Drool pools from her full lips and her throat swells with the shape of him. You realize that that’s exactly how you must look when you’re choking on your boyfriend's cock, and make a mental note to congratulate Sam on how lucky he is to have you. Fuck.

Ruby backs up, giving you some room to slide in. You’re latching onto the side of Sam’s shaft without hesitation, right around where he’s thickest and there’s lots of warm flesh to suck. The texture and feel is almost like silicone with how hard Sam is, but there’s the unmistakable plushness of life under your mouth. You can even feel the fierce pound of his pulse against your tongue. Sam was right; you could blow him for hours like this, just licking and suckling until he’s soft and spent.

You try to pay attention to Ruby and work with her. Though she refuses to show it, she really likes you, and you hope that’s the reason why she plays fair instead of dirty. A year ago you would’ve deepthroated Sam to your heart’s content and made her fight for territory. Now, you’ve matured enough to share and so has she. You take turns sucking on him, giving a few quick bobs of your heads before popping off. Two wet, talented moving mouths have made Sam an incoherent, drooling mess, groaning and cussing between high-pitched prayers. He tries and fails to keep up with you. Sam’s hand finds your face or hair a couple times in the process, but he’s been blown so brainless that his grip only holds for a few seconds and disappears.

This time, when Ruby slips off Sam’s head to give you a turn, you don’t take it. Instead, you latch onto the side of his cock that Ruby isn’t going to town on and start licking with her. You’re pretty sure Sam’s brain melts out of his ears. She picks up on your plan, and in a few short seconds his cock is gliding happily between two eager pairs of puffy lips. With the way Sam looks down at you, you almost expect him to cum right then and there. He looks, well—he looks like two girls are slobbering all over and worshiping his dick at the same time. You’d be pretty messed up too.

“Do you want to cum all over our faces, Sam?” Ruby goads him.

Obviously you have to join in. “In our mouths, Sammy? All open and ready for you?”

This is way too much for his respectful meter to handle at once, and, like you were expecting, Sam’s mind stops working all together. He couldn’t answer you if he tried. Overloaded by all the soft wet sucking mouths on him, he collapses backwards on the bed and covers his face, gasping and moaning like his soul is being reaped.

Ruby is just as ruthless as you are, thank god. (Sam has a type). Even when Sam is basically sobbing with want, neither of you stop, intent upon chasing the big finish.

Eventually, you slide up and Ruby slides down, and while you’re tonguing the underside of the cock sealed in your mouth, she plays back and forth with Sam’s balls. The two of you must feel it at the same time. Sam’s poor spent cock starts to twitch and twitch, but Ruby never pulls away from what she’s doing—she lets you have it. She does really like you. If this were a year ago, you would’ve happily swallowed every ounce of Sam’s load. Might’ve even gloated about it like a cat with a belly full of cream, but. You do really like Ruby. Possessive of Sam as you are, this is a treasure worth sharing.

You whorl your tongue around Sam’s tip until he’s all yours, whimpering and trembling on the bed as he spurts into your mouth. His cum is always so, so warm, and if you were really opening up to your slutty side it sits like warm homey soup in your mouth. This is something you want Sam to see. You’re careful to slip off him and keep what you’ve won safe in your mouth, and with a little play-fighting, you push Ruby flat beside Sam on the mattress and sexily saddle her lap. She wiggles around with filthy excitement, but you wait until what remains of Sam’s shattered psyche drags him sideways to look at you—

—and then you spit Sam’s load into her mouth.

“…Jesus fucking christ, girls,” Sam swears. He’s been shocked back to coherency.

Ruby is an even eviler genius than she seems, and isn’t as quick to swallow as a glutton like you. Instead, she hauls you down into a few of the dirtiest, sexiest kisses you’ve ever had the pleasure of receiving, while poor Sam watches and pinches himself a couple dozen times. It’s only when you think you're genuinely gonna kill him that you stop and finally drink down your share.

“Told you,” you poke Ruby’s middle. “ Just like a pornstar.”

-

tags: @samssluttybangs @cookiemumster1 @lacilou @cevans-winchester @leigh70 @seraphimluxe @emily-roberts @emme-looou @aloneatpeace @williamstop @ornella0910 @chaoticshepherdplaid @dakota-dream @lcvecstiel @goghkiss @spnexploration @stoneyggirl2

[allineedisonedream]

omg i stumbled across your blog recently and your art is gorgeous!!! i love the style and the way you draw dick in particular so much!

also i couldn’t stop thinking about your tangled au it’s so clever! it got me thinking of an au of your au (if that’s presumptuous or annoying feel free to ignore this ask lol). but it always bugged me slightly in the original tangled that rapunzel could remember stuff from when she was a baby bc babies can’t do that lol (obv she also has magic glowing hair so suspension of disbelief and all). but what if dick was actually older when slade (or court of owls tbh take your pick) kidnapped him? like he came under bruce’s care just like in canon after his parents died, and was around long enough to become brothers with jason, and tim had just been adopted when dick and bruce have a fight and dick storms off. not as bad as comics and bruce doesn’t kick him out bc he’s not an ass lol, but maybe dick wants to do more with his powers and bruce is overprotective, so dick storms out fully intending to come back, but slade has been watching him and takes this chance to kidnap him. and when bruce goes looking for him all he finds is a bloodstain and no dick.

and obviously dick is very keen on escaping the creepy dude who’s kidnapped him, but slade brings him to the basement of the tower and begins to torture/brainwash him sort of like the apprentice arc. and over time bc slade sucks and is good at the whole brainwashing thing, dick slowly looses his memories and eventually can’t remember a life outside of the tower at all. and he continues to grow up in the tower with slade as his “father” and he always has this sense that something isn’t quite right, but he can’t put his finger on it. like he has all these weird torture-like scars that he can’t remember getting, but slade tells him that it was from when he was young and before slade rescued him, and that’s why the world is so scary and dangerous and he has to stay in the tower where slade can protect him. and ofc he does bc slade loves him and wouldn’t lie to him right? and he doesn’t know why the name richard doesn’t fit him quite right, or why his heart races when slade appears unexpectedly (that’s how love works right?). but he stays in the tower like he’s supposed to until wally and roy show up.

and slowly after traveling with them he begins to get weird flashes of both painful and good memories, and strange sensations of deja vue. while meanwhile bruce is still all brooding and mourning bc it was his fight that led dick to run away. and added angst is that jason and tim actually remember and miss dick, even though tim had just started to get to know him. and damian is angsty bc he’s the only one never to have met dick (handwavy on the ages just like dc lol). meanwhile the kingdom still remembers and mourns the charismatic adorable prince that they lost.

and then when slade eventually catches up to and captures wally and roy, dick offers to give himself up and promises never to escape if slade spares them. and it’s extra sad bc he finally remembers what he’d be giving up. he remembers bruce and alfred and his brothers, and he remembers all the trauma slade put him through, and he’s willing to go through it all again to save wally and roy (bc is it really dick grayson if he isn’t super self sacrificing lol). and ofc it eventually ends happily and dick is delighted to go back to his family with his new friends and see his old brothers and meet his new brother all with a new haircut.

but yeah overall your au wormed its way into my brain and i couldn’t stop thinking about it lol, it’s so good!!!!

Ahjajfk thank youuuu<3

And OMG, this is amazing! Beautifully written, yes, absolutely love all the details, especially Slade's and Dick's relationship in all this. I've actually thought about him being taken later on so Tim and Jason would also remember Dick. But I think I started overthinking everything and made it way too complicated (I think I wrote about 20 pages of notes and stuff, I kinda got lost in them. I was/am pretty obsessed with this AU), so I just reeled back a bit and stayed close to the plot. It also simplifies things; I don’t have to rewrite the whole story, which, with my overthinking skills, would take forever. 💀

And that part with Slade making Dick forget who he was is great. I kept the whole AU pretty open with some stuff for imagination. My running idea at the moment is that he got sick when he was 8, so Bruce found the flower, and later Slade kidnapped him, making him forget everything and thinking Slade is his father.

But yeah, OMG, this is awesome. I totally love it. I tried to make it as detailed as possible story-wise, but at the same time, I really needed to limit myself to finish fast because I was scared I would lose interest or don’t have the patience haha But Now I’m kinda even more excited about how people will react to the next chapters. 👀

[sosoribro]

hey hey shut up im not done being cringe about rouxls yet. stage whatever: BIG LORE HEADCANON

ITS UNDER THE CUT CUZ ITS KINDA LONG AND YAPPY

so basically what if he is kinda just

a guy

who isnt very logically smart

but is still just a guy

right so

what if he only became the duke of puzzles because king just saw the fanciest guy there and assumed he would do a good job

and you see what if rouxls desperately wants as much power as possible because he is horribly afraid of stepping out of line BECAUSE OF king's takeover and thats why he wants to be correct and right all the time which we know because hes always switiching sides

so what im saying is rouxls was just some fancy moderately-powerful guy in the castle until king took the whole place over and threw him in charge of puzzles and ROUXLS SAID NOTHING HE DID NOT CLARIFY THAT HE WAS NOT A GOOD PICK AT ALL, AND THAT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS SCARED TO DISAGREE WITH THE KING BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE LOVES HAVING POWER BECAUSE THAT MEANS HE CAN............ look look im gonna say it im gonna say it MAKE HIS OWN RULES. ROUXLS IF YOU WILL. BECAUSE THAT IS HIS WHOLE THING AS WE KNOW.

so lets recap again

rouxls is a guy

rouxls gets thrown into a higher position of power despite being a horrible choice for it

rouxls says nothing because king scary and power good

rouxls is also nervous all the time wait what?

allow me to elaborate

i think that deep down, WAY WAY WAY DEEP DOWN, rouxls is genuinely likeable

hes just trying very VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY HARD to appear confident and powerful.

see what if before the king got goofy and blah blah blah took over

what if rouxls was just like

very socially awkward (but he lowkey still is)

like he was respected he was fancy he probably played croquet or something he looked after his worm terrarium which he definitely has you cant lie to me

he wasnt dumb he was just not really good at talking to people and also not very logically smart

his intelligence simply resided elsewhere like insects and maybe fancy dancing i dunno i havent asked him

essentially his excessive pride is just to over-compensate for the fact that hes nervous all the time

he doesn't want to display any signs of said nervousness because he feels that if he does, it'll cost him his status and respect

so now another recap

rouxls is secretly (we can all tell actually) a nervous wreck who is scared of stepping out of line and who deep down just wants to ballroom dance and play croquet and maybe teach lancer how to play the piano wait whaaaat????

let's talk lancer.

we know that rouxls genuinely cares for lancer because he asks how he is even when hes still trying to hate the party.

BUUUUT LETS MAKE THIS EVEN CUTER OR SADDER I CANT TELL

rouxls knows how absolutely terrifying the king is and so he kind of always worried about lancer. but when the king began to neglect his son that really made it clear that the kid needed better care.

by now, rouxls was used to acting all high-and-mighty, but at some point he decided to drop the act just a little bit to check on lancer who was probably sat by himself looking a bit sad

and yeah he finds lancer annoying quite a bit of the time but he knows he needs looking after

and often he may genuinely enjoy himself when hes playing with him because he can forget about having to appear smart and powerful

he's still annoyed about the whole "lesser dad" thing tho and the splat noises

now i know what you're thinking "but what about the accent"

who knows, maybe its his real accent, maybe it isnt

but i do think it would be funny if he's been saying "-eth" so much he sometimes accidentally uses the "th" sound instead of the "s" sound e.g "lanther- i I MEAN LANCER"

basically hes slowly giving himself a lisp

now all that is well and good but of course it is mostly just headcanons.

he could just be

well

stupid

and thats funny

but this? its lore

let me cooketh

[liverpool-enjoyer]

hey yall forewarning this is easily the most embarrassing post ive ever made on here. like im not talking normal levels of tumblr cringe/oversharing, i mean youre probly gonna judge me and think somethings genuinely wrong with me. but i really need to get it off my chest so. yolo.

also tldr at the end in case you wanna spare yourself lmao.

mkay so recently i havent been online, because ive been really sad. and the reason im sad is that gavi got a girlfriend. which i realize is probly the stupidest and most juvenile thing to be sad over but hear me out (or dont lmao its a free country do whatever you want).

its not like i ever thought i had a chance with him or anything, im not stupid. but ive known for a very long time that, due to my asexuality (and other things but mostly that), i am never going to have love in my life. so for me, daydreaming and fantasizing about being gavis girlfriend was like,,, how i coped, i guess. it was a form of escapism for me. and now i cant do that anymore bc hes someones boyfriend and fantasizing abt another girls boyfriend just feels wrong. and pathetic.

it doesnt help that all my social medias have algorithmed so that hes all over all my feeds. and to be honest, looking at him just makes me think of his beautiful girlfriend who has everything i could ever want and i feel this horrible awful nauseating feeling in my stomach and i feel envious and sad and a slew of other things. it sucks that someone who once unknowingly made me so happy now does the exact opposite but hey what can you do.

i know it sounds stupid, but i dont think i'll ever feel for someone the way i feel about him. hes the most beautiful person ive ever laid eyes on and oh God i was right this does sound stupid ok lets continue

oh and let me be clear (you hafta read that in obamas voice) im aware that feeling this way toward a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter, but like especially a complete stranger) is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. unfortunately, knowing that my feelings and thoughts are unhealthy doesnt stop me from having them.

so yeah. now that ive lost my form of escapism, all i can think about at any given moment is how lonely im going to be. its hard to enjoy much of anything these days when all im thinking about is how im never going to receive romantic love, and now i cant even daydream about dating gavi to cope with it. because all i can think about when i try to is how hard his girlfriend would laugh if she found out some pathetic worm halfway across the world was fantasizing about her man.

so yeah thats it. i know that every time i angst abt my asexuality (which is a LOT like holy shit why do ppl still follow me), my friends tell me that its ok because im going to find someone someday. and i appreciate it, i really do. it means the world. but my friends saying that i'll find love doesnt make it true. plenty of people have died alone and unloved before, and i am going to be one of them.

tldr: a guy ive never met got a girlfriend n im having a depressive episode abt it LMAOOOO

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

hey if you feel comfortable

can you maybe explain the espave ship? like whats the chemistry? what makes you like them and see them working as a couple? (or not lmao)

HI ANON! first of all, it’s totally fine to be on anon for this but jsyk (and everyone else) i absolutely THRIVE on questions about my purple bisexuals. i’ve probably answered this a billion times but that won’t stop me from saying it again because i love excuses to ramble fkdkfkdisidsi

SO, in terms of canon stuff, i have always adored the chaotix and rogues as a group dynamic. WAY before idw did it too (and i personally think they did it very wrong. ian flynn on record states that he hates the rogues and doesn’t want to write them well but i’ll save that can of worms for another day)

anyways, espio and wave have very similar predicaments for their team dynamic. they’re both typecast as the “intelligent, voice of reason” who is often ignored by their (green) leaders which leads to a lot of passive aggressiveness. they’re both extremely arrogant, which is really hard to combat considering they’re both too intelligent to dismiss. wave is a mechamechanical genius who in certain fields, canonically surpasses tails and eggman, one of the world’s best extreme gear riders, brilliant at melee combat, translates ancient runes and artifacts, is an accomplished thief, and will verbally spar you to death. espio is a detective ninja chameleon who can turn invisible, run as fast as sonic and shadow, jump into computers, control the wind a bit, is fluent in 17 languages (which implies he learns a new one every year) and so on.

so like… they’re both OP as fuck while simultaneously ignored by their teams AND the fandom which is really funny (read as: annoying) for me to deal with

anyways, on a deeper level, wave’s neglect is… really sad. i talk about it a lot, both in-lore and in terms of how the fandom treats her, and the worst part is that it’s played for jokes. a lot of people interpret her as wanting to lead the rogues which directly contradicts the canon: she wants JET to be a good leader and puts all her energy and effort into mentoring him so he can lead on his own. hijacking the rogues wouldn’t do any good and she genuinely thinks he can grow into his position despite being so young. and yet… she’s ignored. she does so much for the team and really tries to be patient, but can you blame her for being so jaded and dismissive when all her life’s work goes shoved aside and played for jokes? that cutscene in riders really always upset me because she’s clearly giving a long speech with good intentions, and jet just… walks away. and her reaction implies people do this to her all the time.

cutting away to espio for a second, i’d like to point out that as the knuckles chaotix manual states, espio was the ONLY chaotix member to be a detective before they formed. long before we had the chaotix as a team, espio was already a PI who was on angel island to explore its history, culture, and suspicious activity. this was always who he is, because he is inquisitive and perceptive by his very nature. his name in spanish MEANS “i spy” and its also short for espionage. THIS IS HIS WHOLE LIFE! so yeah, espio loves to ask questions. it’s also noted he has a rivalry with knuckles because he’s jealous the echidnas have such a rich and extensive cultural history, considering he doesn’t. note that he eventually became a ninja as if to appear like he does LMAO

okay, so. we have a character with rich cultural history who is extremely intelligent and neglected, and then another character who is obsessed with rich cultural history who is extremely intelligent and loves to listen to people.

… see what i’m proposing here? LMAO

espio and wave, despite being on opposite ends of an affluent spectrum, are cut from the same cloth in terms of their team dynamics, and the cores of their individuality answer one another. you can even look at their chase for money as a compelling foil, while also taking into consideration the detective/thief dynamic.

espio, unlike most characters, would not only be very interested in everything wave has to say, he’d actually be intelligent enough (and a very fast learner) to actually ENRICH the dialogue. wave finally has someone to talk to, and he’s not exactly innocent, so she has an arrogant verbal sparring partner that’ll humble them both through their discussions.

it’s here i’d also like to point out that espio is taken for granted too. maybe not as much as wave is, as it’s very hard to find a character treated as poorly by her team while also getting no pathos, but espio is ignored in his own ways. looking past how he’s dismissed at times, espio is character-typed by everyone around him. yes, he’s a ninja, but that’s not all he is. yes, he’s the voice of reason at times, but he’s also extremely vain and reckless with canonical anger issues. people want to talk about how he could be some great shinobi warrior, forgetting that the only reason sega made him a ninja was because naruto was popular at a time 😭 i’m not saying he’s a poser and a weeb, but he clearly puts up this front of being a super serious guy… which works. too well. it fools most of the fandom LMAO. but espio is actually really funny, witty, cocky, and playful. dare i say whimsical? he likes CAMPING, GUYS! THAT’S ONE OF HIS INTERESTS, YET I SEE NO CONTENT OF HIM BUSTING OUT A PORTABLE GEORGE FORMAN GRILL IN THE MIDDLE OF MYSTIC JUNGLE, DO I? anyways, espio’s persona is a lie, and yet if anyone were to question it, he’d be more like himself. but no one ever does. they take his front as fact and never consider delving into who he is as a person, beyond the act he has on. and it’s not like he’s good at hiding it either, sonic x showcases how stupid he really is at times LMAO

okay, i’ve zig-zagged around a lot, but it’s safe to say i really love both these characters and think they could fix each other

… for the canon series. i personally like to have them make each other worse before getting mildly better, because it’s way more fun to write hehehehe. i’ll save that for another ask because this is already a wall of text, but do ask me more stuff if this hasn’t scared you off, because i love getting to do this!

[redjennies]

my mutuals, followers, fellow critters, too long has this fandom suffered under the tyranny of Essek Thelyss' monopoly on hotness. too long have we languished under unsexy metaphorical chokehold he has on this fandom, which is very different than the sexy literal chokehold a certain candidate had on Vax. yes, critters, it is time to raise up your voices and say no more to mainstream candidates that only uphold the status quo and throw your support behind a candidate who is an outsider to Exandrian Sexiness because he isn't even from this plane.

today, I urge you to vote for Artagan in the Critical Role Sexyman poll. the opposition will tell you Artagan does not have the experience to be the Critical Role Sexyman, and sure, he might not have your typical Sexyman qualities. he is not a sad war criminal nor does he engage in dubious science, but my friends, I ask you what is sexier than whimsy? than tomfoolery? than starting multiple cults through your fairy bastard shenanigans and getting bored of the responsibility? tell me, critters would you rather vote for a man with long luscious ginger curls that cover most of his body and fuzzy eyebrows that look like worms on a string or a man who cannot even grow a mustache?

so please, vote for Artagan and say no more to the Standard Hot Boi. when they ask "what is sexier than wizards?" and I hope that you all with your resounding voices answer "archfey!"

[rotten-c0rps3]

【ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒 ℂ𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖】

Fem list

Undated: June 20th

A list of my female/fem monster characters. I will be adding more in the future. I will do Character x reader with them, so don’t be afraid to request if one catches your eye!

Characters added: (1) Shapeshifting parasite, (1) robot, (1) angel,

𝙎𝙮𝙡𝙫𝙞𝙖

Species: Shapeshifting parasite (Made up names are “Slug Bug”, “Death Worm”, or “Death Slug”)

Gender: Female (Is genderless but uses a label to blend in with humans)

She/her (Strict of using the correct pronouns. Not because being misgendered offends her, but because she think it’ll cause people to know she isn’t human)

Backstory: Once upon a time, a man and a parasite, mimicking a woman, fell in love. Then, they had three beautiful, healthy children. Er… wait, sorry, no. That’s incorrect. Sometime a few decades ago, a parasite found its way into a male host. Then, three little parasites were born from their mother’s corpse, living inside their host father’s stomach. They had their very first meal, eating their way out of the male human before devouring him entirely. Growing up, the three parasite siblings were the human equivalent to orphans. Their species was made to be like this, of course. But that fact didn’t make their life easier. The siblings had to do all sorts of terrible things. Such as, steal, scam, assault, kill, kill, kill… Okay.. in their defense, a parasites gotta eat something! It was merciful to spare all those people having to live as unwilling hosts.

Personality: Out of the three parasite siblings, Sylvia is definitely the leader. She’s basically the older sister, despite the fact they’re all the same age. It’s hard to tell if Sylvia’s just… naturally commanding, or if all female parasites are like that. Either way, Sylvia did step up and care for her brothers the best she could when they were little, even if she has obvious favorites. Sorry Percy!

Looks: No one knows what her parasite form looks like, mostly because the only people who have seen it have all been chewed, swallowed, and devoured. Sylvia’s human form looks nothing like her brothers, that’s what happens with different parasites. She’s darker than both her brothers, but then again it’s not hard to be darker than pale Percy. She’s taller than average, but about shoulder height to Percy.

Likes: Feedings, blood, guts, human organs, making people paranoid, the smell after it rains, getting humans sick, being well fed, not having to yell at Percy,

Dislikes: Percy, the fact she dislikes Percy, Percy again, Percy being annoying, Percy not listening, when hosts get away, being disrespected, the dark, sour/spicy food,

Relationships: Percy (Sibling, strained), Luis (Brother, fine relationship)

Ｄ．Ｏ．Ｅ．

Species: Robot (but from outer space, suppose that’d make her an alien, too?)

Gender: Female (Says the fact she’s female was more of a fashion choice by her creators, seems to enjoy the human title of gender nonetheless)

She/It (Prefers She/her but accepts some might see her as an it)

Backstory: Once, Doe had stood for Destructor of Earth. Now, she much prefers Defender of Earth. As much as Doe loves her alien creators, she has come to accept that their plan was morally wrong. Before she had gained empathy, Doe cared for nothing and no one. She was truly, just a machine. Doe is still a robot today, yet she is more living than she was back then.

Personality: These days, Doe is calm and peaceful, which is a lot different than harmless. She’s emotional, she has outbursts, and she loves it. Who wouldn’t, being blind to emotions for so long? Anger is better than ignorance, sadness is better than apathy. Doe would love for you to teach her some new emotions.

Looks: Funny enough, Doe is, in fact, doe-eyed. She has light brown synthetic hair that stops right at her lower back. She’s beautiful, so beautiful you can’t even be able to tell she is a robot. Or, you wouldn’t have been able to tell, if her right arm wasn’t halfway ripped off. A small price to pay for emotions, Doe would probably think.

Likes: Animals, nature, women, people, puzzles, insects, subtle intimacy, the idea of soulmates, kids, human families, books, poetry,

Dislikes: Tv, perverts, ignorant people, movies where people kill aliens, sex scenes in movies/books, second-hand embarrassment,

Relationships: None (for now, I’ll add her creators in the future)

𝐿𝒾𝓁𝒾

Species: Angel

Gender: Trans Fem (Truthfully, angels don’t have genders so they can’t be trans like humans, but in Lili’s case, her human form was going to be male before she decided against it) (Angel genders are all technically closer to trans than cis though, since they get to decide them if they come down to Earth)

She/he (Finds pronouns a bit confusing since everyone just basically called her by her angel name before)

Backstory: The Human-Watcher Angel program was definitely a new and… interesting thing. Most angels, content with their schedule oriented lives, didn’t particularly have any thoughts on it. The program was only speculation, that’s all! No Angel had actually ever… went down to Earth….

But then, Halo did. And some fallowed his lead, some like Doc and Lili. All reasons seemed to be different. Halo did it (half-forced) because… it was new, it was exciting. Doc did it because humans, in their fragile state and bodies, sounded positively captivating. Lili did it because of the nature (which he did in fact name himself after). The nature that angels never got to experience up in the clouds.

Personally: Lili is still trying to figure out the whole “pretending to be human” thing, along with all the other angels. She means well, he truthfully does, but it seems her well-meant actions come off a little… synthetic. Fake. She wants to be soft, he wants to be human!…like, but it seems no one is willing to stick along long enough for him to learn.

Looks: With her new love for Earth’s nature in mind, Lili had given his angel form a while new look (which angels do, along with name changes, every so often just to mix things up). Her form is made up of soft branch-like shapes twisted together into something resembling a person. A giant flower sprouts where her human head would be, dawned with a single eye in the middle.

Human form: When Lili was making her human form before going to Earth, he picked apart pretty things about the humans in Heaven’s books, and jammed them together. Lili is black with reddish brown dreads/locs that slightly longer than her shoulders (I am not black so if any of the terms I use for Lili are incorrect, please let me know!). He prefers to keep her hair down but will sometimes let his friends braid it. She has a round face and is a bit chubby. Since angels don’t magically get money upon coming down to Earth, most of Lili’s clothes come from thrift shops and consist of shirts of bands he doesn’t know.

Likes: Nature, animals, plants, being outside, the cold, human holidays, to admire insects from afar, putting flowers/beads in her hair, his angel  colleagues, making bracelets, the smell of artificial things, 

Dislikes: Bright lights, crowds, being hot, insects being near/touching him, cooking,

Relationships: Halo (Colleague, very close), Doc (Colleague, friendly acquaintances), 

[lakesbian]

i guess it's hard to get a read on how much he actually cares about palatine and dauphine or reciprocates their dislike of him? also why did he say that about "sexual favors"

(this post is about the fanfiction sword and sorcery, which you should read because it's good. it's written by tumblr users shakertwelve and nonplatonicsubtext about their estateverse au, which you can read more about in the estateposting tag on tumblr user shakertwelve's blog. would i ever lie to you about a fanfic recommendation.)

ok ahem. i've posted about alec's opinions on palatine and dauphine before bc i think the dynamic potential there is hilarious and i'm so delighted that they got put into the fic. the fancy frilly little freaques are fiiiighting!

Alec Is So Entirely 100% Certainly Without Doubt more mad about palatine and dauphine than they are about him. it would frankly be more accurate to ask how much victor and amelia reciprocate his dislike, because they are living RENT fucking free in his sad little repressed brain. but, like all of his emotions, it's just not super obvious because of how repressed he is--he feels and displays everything in a very muted way. the posts i linked get into the main bits of Why He Does Not Like Them At All, but to elaborate based on analysis of what's actually in the fic:

“Regent had a run-in with them a while back, before he joined the team,” Tattletale said. “He was new to the city, so he didn’t realize what his costume choice would make people think of.” She gestured vaguely in the direction of the Estate capes. “But he was doing things they don’t do and going to parts of town they stay out of, which caused some confusion. Eventually Dauphine and Palatine tracked him down to have a talk about it. It didn’t go well.”

as we can extrapolate from above, alec's history with them is like this:

he shows up to brockton bay as a severely maladapted, depressed, Generally Unwell cult-escapee on the young (and probably malnourished) side of 13 with effectively nothing to his name but his powers

as a weak cape without a team and zero social or systematic connections to turn to for help, he's forced to do very small-scale villainy just to scrape by enough to survive. and the entire time he is wearing his costume that veritably Screams "i am a special little prince please look at how wonderful i am." jesus christ he needs a hug.

these random cunts, palatine and dauphine, pull up and basically tell him to Fuck Off and stop Stealing Their Family's Schtick

these random cunts are also dressed fancy like him, and dauphine especially is someone alec would identify with fashion-wise, given that it's explicitly stated that her costume is princess-like. "Even with her elaborate costume, she looked more like a child’s princess doll than an actual princess." taylor rags on it, but it's still princess-like

this random fancy cunt, dauphine, is the daughter of...marquis, an incredibly successful, fancy villain with long hair who has a lot of money and lives in a mansion and, from alec's perspective, loves and cares about her dearly and buys her nicey clothes. and beyond just that, she has a brother who--instead of tormenting her & then laughing about it--wears a special fancy gleaming knight costume and bridal carries her around and is so sweet and nicey to her if anything bad happens. like, for example, alec getting pissy at her and tripping her.

we already know alec gets Insanely, Malevolently, Incandescently Jealous over someone he's engaged in hostilities w/ having a nice family. (see: him doing all that shit to sophia). we also know that he isn't very good at recognizing this jealousy in himself. (see: aisha revealing in late worm that alec only realized that he had done all that shit to sophia out of a jealous rage like a week or two later when he was talking to her about it.)

which is to say: alec sees dauphine as being Sorta Like Him, but if he had a 100% ideal family (dashing golden knight brother that takes care of her! rich fancy father who protects them and buys them nice shit! and they all live in a mansion!), and LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU. HE IS SO INSANELY JEALOUS HE HOPES THE ENTIRE ESTATE GETS HIT BY A NUCLEAR WARHEAD AND EXPLODES. ...all subconsciously, of course. he expresses this thru things like mocking her for being "a baby about a little trip" &c--insulting the vulnerability & familial care he certainly wishes he could have, while fully unaware why seeing it annoys him so much.

but i digress. keeping all of that in mind, you can see why alec would be infuriated & jealous towards them even if they were completely neutral towards him. but they weren't neutral towards him--instead, these people he views as being Like Him, But Living Out His Wildest Dreams, approached him to hassle him for accidentally appearing like he was one of them. local loving royal villain family approaches boy who is obviously projecting subconscious desire to be a beloved prince onto his costume design and goes "quit stealing our vibes," boy reacts with a parasocial grudge. his weird complexes about them shall reign eternal. he wishes he had a second, cooler palatine to beat the first, lamer palatine to death with hammers, and then bridal carry him to stand dismissively over dauphine's prostrate form as she weeps over the first, lamer palatine's corpse. and also he wants the second, cooler palatine to be hand-feeding him a bag of chips ahoy the entire time.

...i should stress again, this is alllll more or less entirely subconscious. alec doesn't know what the fuck he's feeling ever, this just comes across as a subdued vague annoyance/disdain for them.

so, why the weird "sexual favors" remark? it genuinely was not intended to be a harassing comment, nor do i think he genuinely would say he believes that marquis prostitutes his daughter if he thought about it for a second. but he does identify with dauphine in the sense that they're aesthetically similar enough for him to be extra-jealous about her. and so upon hearing "dauphine's favor," he takes the meaning of "you can have a favor from my kid" he's most used to as a child who was prostituted by his own villain father, and he projects it onto her. if i want to read into it beyond that, i think he might be unconsciously/impulsively trying to poke a hole in their family--a sort of [hopeful] "marquis sucks :)?" where he'd like to hear that marquis isn't as much of an envy-worthy dad as alec thought. meanwhile from the estate's perspective he was just a creep for no fucking reason. there are other, far more important things for lisa to be paying attention to during this scene, so i don't think she was wasting any time reading alec, but if she Was she certainly would've gotten a good show of severe mental unwellness.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Please, give us some loser heroes

Hahaha gladly

(this got long)

I mean, I've gotta say, one of the loseriest heroes I've read recently is Envy from Throne of the Fallen by Kerri Maniscalco. I've said it before and I'll say it again--if you're looking for a fantasy romance to try, especially if you normally read historicals, this is it (and TotF does stand alone if you want to try it first versus the trilogy that comes before it).

Envy is like, on a quest to save his court, and he's ostensibly a Prince of Hell and therefore very strong and full of supernatural gifts but like... He spends so much of this book falling flat on his face, ESPECIALLY with his heroine Camilla, who is Extremely Unimpressed. (There's a moment wherein he has to do something amazing to save his own life, and she's genuinely like assuming he's just going to die lmao.) His brothers randomly show up to dunk on him throughout the book. Not even for like, plot, just to be like "Sooooo have you seduced her yet? No? Shocker." He does things he thinks are so cool and then is like "Oh God immediate regret mistake".

*love him*

Seven Nights in a Rogue's Bed by Anna Campbell is a recent read wherein the hero presents himself as very suave and confident, and he's like "I SHALL KEEP YOU HERE FOR SEVEN DAYS AND SEDUCE YOU, MY INNOCENT MUAHAHAHA" before being like "nooooo I have harmed the innocent, I AM A WORM!!!" when the heroine shows pitches an emotional fit at him.

Allegreto in Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale is another "muahahahahaha" hero, and he is like, legitimately dangerous and threatening (TW: noncon in the first encounter) but once the heroine, Elena, gets her hooks in him... He is.... a sad little baby. A sad little baby who doesn't think he can go to church because he's done too many murders and is going to hell. BUT HE'S COOL WITH THAT. He's totally cool with that.... he's cool.... Arguably even more of a loser if you read For My Lady's Heart first, which is set ten years earlier and features another couple (the hero is less of a loser but still has embarrassing moments like being visibly aroused in front of the heroine and getting called out on it by her in front of SEVERAL priests, and also thinking this heroine is his perfect lady who he's pledged to for thirteen years only to meet her for real and be like "oh my god she's kind of EVIL??? My life has been devoted to a VILLAINESS???? I'm so STUPID") and also a teenage Allegreto who does absolutely RIDICULOUS things like carry a plague apple around because he's scared of plague, and like, hold the hero's hand during sleep because he thinks the hero will ward off plague, and pretend to be A CASTRATO for an ELABORATE SCHEME which he HONESTLY DID NOT HAVE TO DO.

A Rose at Midnight by Anne Stuart (TW: a lot of dubcon between the hero and heroine at first, noncon in the heroine's past not with the hero) has another "I am such a villain, my lady!!!" hero who is actually a massive ball of guilt and angst. The first time they sleep together she actually secretly enjoys it and hates herself for it, but she didn't Get All The Way There and he walks away like "I'M SO EMBARRASSING I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT" and like kicking rocks while pretending to be very above it.

Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli. Enzo d'Agostino's master plan is to kidnap the heroine by blowing up a bar for REVENGE and everyone around him is like "honestly your master plan... doesn't even make a lot of sense" even though it TOTALLY makes sense, y'all just DON'T GET IT. He then proceeds to get schooled by the heroine at every opportunity and become her dog (literally there's a bonus epilogue where she's gone for like 30 seconds and his brothers are like "look at what she did to him, he used to be a perfectly good mafia don, now he has anxiety").

Charlotte and The Seductive Spymaster by Grace Callaway has the titular spymaster who faked his death to keep his wife safe and IMMEDIATELY regretted it, returning from the dead twelve years later and getting mad that she's flirting with another man. So he like. THROWS ROCKS AT THE OTHER MAN??? FROM A SECRET HIDING PLACE? Embarrassing behavior. He also faints at one point. Like, it made sense, but I still laughed my ass off. And his wife is super competent, so she's constantly like "... really?"

Seduce Me at Sunrise by Lisa Kleypas has Kev Merripen, who is extremely competent on paper because he's literally the only person in that series who has a real job, but emotionally... the boy ain't right. He literally thinks that if he sleeps with Win ONCE she'll get pregnant and die. He like, hides in the background. Married by Morning also has an extremely losery moment from Leo Hathaway in which he basically does that thing from that meme where he trips and drops all of his obsessive things about the heroine, and the obsessive things are tons of drawings he did of her wearing nothing but her glasses. And she's like ".... you sure have an active imagination". Honestly, Harry from Tempt Me at Twilight also has his share of cringe, like the time he thought he was super hurting Poppy during her first time, so he just jumped off her and hated himself for days and ran away and she had to literally hunt him down and go "I'm FINE now FINISH IT".

Hart Mackenzie from The Duke's Perfect Wife, I will always maintain, is a massive loser who pretend to be extremely competent. Like, he's all "Eleanor, as you know, we did it three times when we were engaged" and she's like "yes.... like a decade ago Hart... I'm not.... impressed". He's being blackmailed by a stranger who sent Eleanor (a reporter) nude photos he took years ago and he's like ".... well those certainly are photos I took Eleanor". He gets all growly at her and she boops his nose. It's pathetic.

Dreams of a Dark Warrior by Kresley Cole, aka "he's constantly being reincarnated after sleeping with the heroine, like they hook up and then he just dies half an hour later in what sound like frankly increasingly comical death scenes, and she's immortal so she finally just gives up on even kissing him"... One of the legitimately saddest heroes I've ever read, lol. He's been brainwashed into hating immortals (with some solid reasons tbf) so he's like, the head torturer in this prison of immortals (TW, it's kinda intense) and he HAAAATES the heroine and she's DETERMINED to kiss him to kill him this time because she HAAAATES him. But like. His body count is like 1.5 because he's never actually really been interested in anyone because, though he doesn't know it because he doesn't remember, his soul only wants HER. So he meets her and is very *boing* about her and HATES it, and they literally have a fight in his office where he ends up on top of her and she's like "... I can feel EXACTLY how into this you are" and he's like !!!!!!!!!! He's just increasingly confused.

Also, this leads very nicely into Lothaire, where the big bad of the series is revealed to be a frankly loony tunes nightmare who's like "honestly I'm only 50% lucid at any given time". And he does a lot of puzzles in his spare time. And he wears trenchcoats because he thinks it looks cool (it doesn't). And he's constantly getting OWNED by a 24 year old psych major dropout. Like, she'll just perfectly diagnose him and he goes "... well you got me there". At one point, she hops on it with their clothes on (because he's trying to menacingly be like "YOU HAVE NO CHOICE" but it was actually exactly what she wanted him to do) and he has an Incident in his jeans, and she later finds him in the shower and throws said jeans at him like "NEXT TIME YOU TRY TO BE ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY REMEMBER WHAT I MADE YOU DO LOSER". Sad of him.

Embry Moore in Sierra Simone's New Camelot trilogy falls in love with Ash when he's literally stepping on him. And it's honestly just a string of embarrassments after that.

The Master by Kresley Cole (Kresley kinda specializes in Powerful Losers) features a billionaire Russian mafia hero shivering in the rain while the heroine takes an important test texting her like "I hope you do well :D!" because he's trying to get on her good side again lmao I was frankly embarrassed on his behalf

A Demon's Guide to Wooing a Witch by Sarah Hawley features the demonic big bad of the last book coming back with AMNESIA and the heroine rescues him from getting beaten up in like, the first chapter. And he's all "wooooow she's so strong *_*"

Hugo and The Maiden by S.M. LaViolette has a sex worker hero who's all "I'M JADED, I CARE FOR NOTHING BUT MYSELF" getting shipwrecked while being transported on a tiny island, and he gets picked up by a giant, sweet guy who carries him like a baby (while he angrily protests) to this makeshift hospital where the heroine, a vicar's uptight, bossy daughter berates him, and it's like all downhill for his dignity from there.

We cannot forget my beloved Duke of Lockwood from The Duke Gets Even, who spends three books getting swerved or cucked or both, and finally admits he's into Nellie and is all "we shall begin a no strings affair" only to like, immediately fall in love with her. And the rest of the book is her being like "we aren't going to get married Lockwood" and he's all "but whyyyy" and she's like "because you literally said this was a no strings affair which is the only reason why I agreed to it. (Him: :(.) He's also completely broke and thinks that he, as a duke, has sway in America, and there's an entire scene where Teddy Roosevelt himself is like "I like you but I can't help you because you're actually just a broke loser here" after he tries to boss up.

Wynter from C.L. Wilson 's The Winter King is all, "I'm a conqueror, I'm so dangerous, if you don't give me a child within a year I'll leave you on a glacier to die" only for everyone in his employ to be like "girl the glacier thing is actually bullshit". He's actually a puppy. The heroine discovers that he makes sad little ice sculptures of his dead family because he's so lonely. I was like "aww" but also "Jesus dude go outside".

The Duke Gets Desperate features a duke who's an art history major, basically, and like all art history majors (I say as one) he has no applicable life skills and his estate is going under. (I LOVE a broke aristo.) So when the heroine shows up having also inherited the estate and is like "we're going to charge people for tours of the castle to make sure we can pay for it" he's all "GAAAAAASP MADAME DUKES DO NOT HAVE TOURS OF CASTLES DUKES ARE DIGNIFIED AND BROKE!!"

Mercy by Sara Cate features a hero who was literally a cheater in a previous book, a rotten SCOUNDREL finding out that what he really needs to straighten up is to be humiliated and dominated by an older woman (ideally, his dad's close friend).

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian has former highwayman and local sad man and cafe owner Kit begin tutoring dandy swordsman Percy on how to like, rob people. But Kit is ridiculously attracted to Percy, something Percy clocks immediately by being like "this loser is looking at my ankles" and whenever Percy Does Something to Kit Kit is like "THANK YOU OMG".

Oh, speaking of, Shane in Heated Rivalry is like, a perfect athlete and also a massive dork. He's also a "thank you omg that was amazing" guy and then is immediately like "I SAID THANK YOU???" At one point when he and Ilya do it for the first time his inner monologue is like "what if we get stuck together and the fire department has to come and pull us apart and EVERYONE WILL KNOW". A human ball of anxiety. Constantly embarrassed by himself. Ilya is more confident and smooth but also has some losery moments, like when they're camming for each other and he looks at Shane after and says in Russian "I'm so in love and it's horrible" lmao.

Lol Jamison from Tracey Livesay's American Royalty is notably pathetic because he's like, a frosty uptight British prince, and as soon as he sees the heroine he immediately becomes a slobbering ridiculous mess. He manages to keep up the frosty prince act for approx. five minutes.

Managed by Kristen Callihan. Scottie is so in control and prickly and TOGETHER... except for the scene where he fishes her dirty laundry out in the bathroom and does Unspeakable Things and then hand washes it and hides it under the mattress for Later and she FINDS IT.

Hotel of Secrets by Diana Biller has a virginal hero who believes he must be celibate to be an amazing operative, and he's great at the operative stuff, but he's soooo into the heroine. At one point there's a scene where she's bandaging him and she touches his ribs and he's like "pls stop" and she's all "why" and then Looks Down and goes "oh". Humiliating stuff!

Lush Money by Angelina M. Lopez has a hero who gets caught by the paparazzi when he's servicing the heroine on his knees in a car. Very sad for his dignity.