#even if i'm not particularly Fond of the writing style

[mashup-writing]

A Borrowed Coat & A Security Marker; Donna Beneviento (Resident Lover)

-------------------------------------------------------

Requested? ❌

"This scene feels like what I once saw on a screen."

Summary: Donna lends you her coat as a makeshift blanket for whenever you fall asleep. You've joked about making a trade-off somehow and she's always brushed you off with a small smile. Today's a particularly unlucky day for your Toxicology and Botany Professor, it just might be the day in which she finally agrees to a trade-off with you.

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Resident Lover Masterlist

----------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶-----------------------

"It should be criminal to have classes this early." You think to yourself while your whole body on autopilot sleepily shuffles through the empty hallways of your campus on the way to your first class of the week.

The only saving grace in this is that the classroom is usually just the right temperature to lull you back to sleep, and your classmates always make sure to wake you before Professor Beneviento starts her lectures.

You push the door open and make your way over to your seat before placing your things down and immediately laying your head on the table with your arms as a pillow. Sparing a quick glace through the windows, you see that the sun isn't even close to rising yet.

"Time to grab some shuteye."

A thump followed by a whispered curse wakes you from your slumber. The first thing that registers in your mind is that you're warm and that there's a comfortable weight on your shoulders. Taking a moment to get your bearings in order, you lift your head and stretch your arms before opening your eyes.

"Buongiorno, tesoro mia."

A smile lifts your lips before you could even manage to blink the sleep out of your eyes. You offer your Professor a small wave before setting your chin down on your palm, using your other hand to pull her coat tighter around your shoulders.

"Good morning." You greet in return. You squint your eyes a moment after, she's back to flitting around the table. You decide to get up and walk closer to her in an attempt to better gauge the situation. "What's got you all worked up?" Donna stops for a second, turning to you with a hand on her nape.

"I can't find my marker."

You raise an eyebrow at her, walking back to your bag and rummaging through it before pulling out a new marker- Teasingly brandishing it at Donna like it was a shiny little trinket in your hands. You walk back over to her, hand held out to give her the extra marker when you suddenly pull back.

You take a good look around the room, ensuring that no one's around before you continue with your early morning antics. "I'm sorry, Dr. Beneviento but the borrowing tax fee for this market is a good morning kiss!"

The Italian woman chuckles, a fond sigh escaping her lips before she steps forward to close the gap between your bodies. She wastes no time in kissing you. It's not chaste, as no kisses with Donna ever is, unfortunately it's over just before you start to lose your breath.

You didn't even notice that the marker has already left your hand, only realising it after you shake off the daze and hear the soft click of Donna uncapping the said marker before she starts on writing the lesson on the board.

She's humming to herself, you take a moment to appreciate her form before turning around to go back to your seat.

The door opens, drawing your attention to it. Cold, blue eyes meet yours from across the room and they flick between the Professor and you for a second before the owner walks to her seat.

The tall woman passes by you without ever sparing you a second glance. You could honestly care less, no one's in the mood for small talk when the barest sunrays are just starting to peek through the horizon.

You sit down, pull out your laptop and get to work on reviewing. It's Donna's style to hand out surprise quizzes and randomly call a student to recite after all, every meeting with her in a class is a game of Russian Roulette.

You can feel cold, calculating eyes glancing over at your direction every now and then- But you pay it no mind.

-------------------------------------------------------

Donna looks to her watch before ending the class with reminders. Everyone gets up hurriedly, in a rush to get back to their beds or to work on projects that are too close to the due date for comfort.

You take your time with packing your things up, and when the last classmate leaves the room you turn to walk over to Donna's desk- You're about to shrug off her coat and she immediately raises a hand, softly shaking her head before placing the borrowed marker in her pocket.

She walks over to you, placing a kiss to the top of your head before readjusting her coat to sit better on your shoulders. Donna pulls back afterwards, eyes squinted and trained on the floor as if she was thinking of something. It takes a moment, but when she looks up to meet your gaze- There's a humorous glint in hers.

"... Security deposit..."

You tilt your head in confusion, and smile when she pulls the marker out of her pocket. She brandishes it at you in light mockery of how you did earlier.

"I'm keeping this until the semester ends."

Shock renders you motionless until Donna starts walking back to her desk, you stand with your mouth opening and closing until she pulls her bag off the desk.

"I can't keep your coat!"

She smiles, unbothered at all by the words you've just forced out.

"It's bad business to lend assets without holding onto a security deposit in return."

You narrow your eyes at her, crossing your arms before huffing and pouting in indignation. "You're a botanist, the hell do you know about running a business!"

Donna only laughs at the accusation, she slowly uncrosses your arms before leaning down to place a kiss on the back of one. Her eyes never leaving yours even if her lips linger on your skin for a moment.

"Elena's sister might be manning the counter, but make no mistake cara mia- It is me who owns the flower shop in town."

Your jaw drops even lower than the last time, and this makes the Professor laugh as she takes it as her cue to walk away from you.

----------------------٩(◕‿◕｡)۶-----------------------

A/N: Professor!Donna has been stuck in my mind for so long now, I might actually start foaming at the mouth.

[skylarsblue]

this isn’t really a request or anythin’, just a thought. 141 havin to deal with a southern team member who only gets progressively more accented the more they get mad.

100% projecting here

pretty unaccented, American, whatever —> ✨ anger ✨ —> Memphis called they want their “oo-ol” back (translation: oil).

i have no idea if they’d be annoyed, charmed, or just confused.

✦141 + Los Vaqueros With A Southern!Teammate✦

(My first C.o.D request and it's for pEOPLE LIKE MEEEE, southern traassh! This my shit. Fair warning, I've never played one of these games cause I don't have a console, so if they're ooc, please tell me how I can improve writing them!)

✦Random headcanons, Southern slang, GN!Reader, Race neutral as well but American, implied to be Oklahoma/Texas style southern, aggressive cursing because I have the mouth of a sailor, a bit of Google Translated Spanish(forgive me), Rudy doesn't have a color cause I ran out I'm so sorry precious boy✦

✧Simon Riley✧

He's not real fond of Americans, admittedly. He's got a little voice in the back of his head that automatically associates Americans with betrayal, but he'll keep quiet.

He cringes at your accent at first. He's not fond of Americans, even less so of most American accents. It's a very thick drawl and after being in the team for a while, he'll tease you about it, telling you to "Speak English" like he does with Soap.

He shuts up when you bring up his Manchester accent being illegible sometimes. It's all in good fun though!

After proving you're trustworthy, he'll basically call you his "special American", to show you're an exception. He will never stop poking fun at you though, just as you do to him. Particularly when you say something intensely American.

"Look at her ass, out here pitchin' a bitch fit with a tail on it." "...What in the hell is that even supposed to mean?"

He'll give you one thing, you treat beef well, which he appreciates. Given he used to be a butcher's apprentice. Americans from the southern states know how to make a hamburger and we know how to cook a steak, that's like...the one thing we can brag about.

If you're like me and you dunk on your own country, he thinks those moments are really funny. Especially when you sound so American.

He probably enjoys you being angry the most. He loves it so much, he thinks it's extremely entertaining. Especially if you're a more small, non-intimidating person on the surface.

"Fuck off! Out here makin' a damn mess of the place, runnin' around like a chicken with its head cut off, wrecking my shit! I outta whoop yer ass!" "Should we step in?" "No no, let it go on a little longer..."

Probably tries to make your call sign something heavily American stereotypical, in a funny way. (ie. Bald Eagle, Stars(JILL!), Shotgun, etc.)

A bit hypocritical but if you have a farm with cows on it, he doesn't really wanna see them. His first thought his how to butcher them from years of training, and if they're not butcher cows, he feels kinda bad for thinking it.

Congrats! You're the only American Simon likes, aside from maybe Alex but I don't know for sure.

✧Johnny MacTavish✧

Laughs when you first speak. He apologizes but like, he laughs at you, I'm sorry.

Definitely asks if you have a cowboy hat, and he will lose his fucking mind if you do. The more cowboy shit you own the more he's entertained, especially if you wear them around base/on field.

He understands you super well but no one understands how or why. Johnny explains that it's just because he's good with accents. He'll hear weird euphemisms and, though it may take a second, 9 times out of 10 he'll get it.

"Fucker's so cheap I bet he pinches quarters til they scream." "What?! What does that mean!?" "Means he's a penny pincher! He's cheap. C'mon, that one was obvious, keep up, yeah?"

If you're a woman/female leaning, he'll call you cowgirl. If you're male/male leaning, you get the nickname cowboy. Non-binary/Genderfluid/Etc.? He calls you partner, and he'll always say it with a shitty imitation of your accent.

Asks you a buncha questions about American-Southern stereotypes to see if they're true. If they are, he gets really giggly about it.

If they ever have a mission in America, he'll insist you lead them everywhere. He likes seeing how you interact with people, especially if you're in a big city where some nutsos are. This man would have a blast watching you in a Waffle House. It's the only time he likes seeing you yell in public, thinks it's hilarious.

If you have any farm experience he's gotta see it. He needs to. I don't care if the farm is your great grandpa's and you haven't been there in a decade, you better take him to see the cows and tractors right now, immediately. Especially if there are chickens. He loves chickens.

He makes fun of your accent but he thinks it's really hot sometimes and he's very annoyed at himself for it. Particularly when you speak softly, trying to console/comfort him, slipping in a typical southern pet name.

"You alright there, sugar? Took quite a hit there. You need anythin', sweetheart?" "...I uh, uhm, ahem. N-no, no I'm alright." "Are ya sure, sweetpea? Your face is goin' redder than a tomato."" NO, I'M GOOD."

Manages to get the entire team to call you a southern callsign, whether you like it or not. He'll force it to stick. Most are animal-based too. (Cowboy/Cowgirl, Chick/Rooster, Bull/Heffer, Big Tex, etc.)

Your accent grows on him significantly. While he thinks you're very sexy when you're angry, he's really affected when you're soft and sweet. (bonus note; if you're faux sweet when you're mad? The whole "Oh...bless your heart" type thing? He's prolly gonna pop a boner, not gonna lie.)

✧John Price✧

He's not American but there are a lot of American things he likes, admittedly. Specifically, old western stuff, horses, ranches, etc. That whole aesthetic is something he's always enjoyed. He won't say it, but he has a particular fondness for your accent when he first hears it.

Doesn't understand you when your accent gets super thick but he thinks it's entertaining nevertheless. Unlike Ghost or Soap, he doesn't comment on it, because he doesn't think he has room to talk. Maybe he'd do it once and then you'd throw it back at him and he'd realize that...yeah he has no room to talk.

He's a calm individual but he will yell when necessary. But, what he finds admirable is when you jump in and yell for him. Like you can read his mind and he can save his throat, watching the people who were pissing him off jump back at thick southern curses being yelled at them.

"I outta jerk a damn knot in your fuckin' tail, ya fuckin' dumbass! Didn't ya momma ever teach you respect?! You ain't ever gonna talk to my damn captain like that again or I'll skin yer fuckin' hide!" "Ahem, thank you, sergeant, that's enough."

Buys you a cowboy hat if you don't already have one, for sure. Whether you take it as a genuine gift or you take it as a light jab at your roots, he'll get a lil' dopey smile if you decide to wear it. Gaz definitely makes fun of you two. Soap points out that Gaz also wears a hat religiously and he & Ghost start callin' you the hat trio.

Man melts at southern-drawl-spoken pet names. He truly does. Much like Soap, there's something about it that makes the tension leaves his body, though he's not really sure why.

"You alright there, Cap? You're lookin' bout ready to drop..." "I'm alright soldier, just need to finish this." "Captain, it'll be there in the mornin'. How bout a nap instead, huh? You can't go workin' yourself to the bone, hun. It ain't healthy."" ...oh alright, just for a bit though." "Sure, sugarcube, just long enough to have some tea."

He'll probably pick up on a few pet names and call you them. Whether you wanna take it as platonic or not, it's really just a sweet gesture that he wants to return. Pet names are kinda just...a staple of southern slang. It's part of the accent that he really enjoys, therefore he wants to return it.

If he ends up helping you with a call sign, it's going to be a really sweet & nice one. Or perhaps something that's from an old western he's seen. Probably based on something you've said before. (Sugarcube, Lasso, Hun/Hunny.) Bonus points if you get a super sweet name that doesn't match your stature, he thinks it's funny if it throws people off.

Piggybacking off the last one, I think it'd be real funny if your call name was "Sugarcube" and you're like...a 6'0"+ buff dude with a deep voice. That shit would be funny. Anyway!

If you own/live on a ranch or farm in your off time, he'll feel honored if you invite him to see it. Don't worry, he won't laze around and just appreciate the cute animals. (Looking at you Soap) He's got a little bit of experience with cows & horses, so he'll do his best to help you move the hay and such. Don't let him drive a tractor though, it's one of the few things he just can't do.

John doesn't play favorites, he's fair and precise to his entire team. But...off the field? ...you might get a little favoritism, he's got a weakness for bein' sweettalked through southern drawl. Don't let that go to your head though!

✧Kyle Garrick✧

Kyle doesn't care too much, he thinks every country has shitty stuff and cool stuff. He's a pretty big believer in silver linings. While America is far from his favorite country, and he knows the common trope of uh...less than tolerant people from the south, that doesn't affect how he sees you at all.

He does snicker at your accent sometimes, but only when you say something really aggressively southern. Especially making up random southern phrases that he doesn't understand at all. He finds it endearing.

"We just gotta haul ass and go tear shit up, run through like a buncha Tasmanian devils, right?" "...I understood...some of those words. Uh, sure, right." "We need to move our asses and fuck shit up." "Ah, okay. Could've just said that, but alright."

Thinks you're kinda scary when you're mad. He'll be the type to try and calm you down, but he understands if it's someone who deserves it. Not that he doesn't find your drawl fun to listen too, especially if someone was being an ass, but he doesn't like seeing you upset.

If the person you're yelling at was being a real big ass, he'll let you yell for a little, but step in. However, if you're doing condescending rage? Oh, go for it, do it all you want. He thinks it's hilarious.

Finds it particularly sweet if you're angry on the teams/his behalf. He can fight his own battles but he thinks it's a big sign of trust, friendship, etc. that you feel the need to defend him.

"Bless your heart, your brain ain't firing off on all cylinders is it, hun? Tsk, that's a shame..." "Excuse me?!" "You're excused, sweetpea. You're not gonna talk to my team that way, but you can turn your happy ass around and walk away. I ain't gonna have you disrespectin' the people who've been fightin' the good fight. Have a lovely day!" "How can you sound so sweet and yet so angry at the same time?" "Southern livin', sugar. Southern livin'."

Gaz is a bit of a foodie type, he likes trying cooking from any area he can go to. Southern cooking would...it'd be a new weakness for sure. A lot of it is unhealthy, yes, but he doesn't give a shit. It tastes good. Sometimes he thinks American food is an absolute sin and a disgrace, and he'll state it as such. Usually, it's stuff you agree on. Like bacon-covered donuts or fried butter. That shit's egregious. But things like southern-style chicken or rib-eye on a grill? You're gonna make him swoon with them roasted vegetables. Cooking for him is a surefire way to make you an unapologetic favorite in his book.

He won't say anything at the little jokes that people jab at you for your accent, but he will tell someone off if they say something that's clearly not funny and upsets you. Like trying to imply you're stupid because you come from Texas. (Speaking from personal experience) He thinks it's such a dumb thing to give someone shit over and he won't hesitate to say they're an idiot for trying to use it against you.

Hates sweet tea, I'm sorry. It's just tea but he can't stand it. He'll drink the unsweetened tea you make, but he'll make a dramatic face if he mixes them up. Something that you always laugh at.

He's great at driving basically any vehicle. Helicopters to mini coopers. He's never controlled a tractor before, but if you sit him in one and tell him the levers, it'll take him like...three minutes to get it down perfectly. Definitely gets a smug ass grin if you show you're amazed.

If he helps get you your call sign, he won't necessarily make it based on where you're from, it'll probably be based on a nickname, skill, or crucial event in your career. (Crash; you were thrown through a window, Hotshot; skill for sniping, etc.) But if he were to have one based on your southern ways? Sweet Tea, both for the fact you make it and the pet name you sometimes call him. (sweet pea)

✧Alejandro Vargas✧

Like Ghost, he's not super fond of Americans. His experience with most Americans are annoying tourists and Graves, leaves a pretty bad impression. He comes across unintentionally snappy when he first meets you, but Rudy will point it out, and he'll correct himself.

You aren't the annoying people he's dealt with and he knows it's not fair to say you are. Definitely talks shit on America though, and he'll honestly give you respect if you do the same. Since he's used to the kind of Americans that think being American give them a right to treat others like shit. He hates entitlement.

If you speak Spanish, he's gonna try really hard to not laugh at how your accent affects some words, but it's really hard. He means it in kind and if you're still learning when you meet him, he's proud when he hears you doing well in comprehension and sentences. Still, sounds just a lil silly.

He loves when your accent gets thick from rage, but he his favorite thing is if you speak Spanish in a rage, with your accent on top of it. It's a combination that fills his brain with serotonin.

"Eres un maldito idiota. ¡Tan útil como las tetas de un toro!" "Wha- Haha! What does that mean?!" "Did they say some super weird analogy?" "Si! They did!" "Yeaaah, they do that a lot."

He's notorious for having a naturally flirty personality, it's just how he's always been. Hence why not much phases him, but he does get a quite wide & genuine grin if you flirt back, making your accent extra intense. Especially with the pet names, another man who likes sweet words.

Thinks you having a southern call sign is really cute, especially if it's something your team calls you exclusively. He thinks it shows your endearment to your team. However, if your call sign is something you insist is only for friends, he'll get super giddy about being allowed to call you it.

If he were to pick? (Belle; Like southern belle whether you're fem! or not, Rodeo, and he might call you Americano- but like, in the coffee way. Like it's a sweet nickname, not just him saying your nationality)

Southern hospitality is something he is not used to. Again, bad experience with Americans. So if you explain all the various manners and nice gestures that are considered expected in your home state? He's completely confused, wondering why the Americans he's met don't keep that attitude up when they leave home.

Again, really likes it if you use southern pet names. Especially if you're trying to console him after a really tough day/mission. For some reason it really helps, like a cup of warm coffee on a cold morning.

"Aye, don't stress yourself over it, darlin'. Bad things happen that we can't control, you did everything you could and you were great at it. Don't let it eat at'cha, honey-bun." "Gracias, Bella. Lo necesitaba…" "Anytime, big guy. Now, you wanna see me try and fail again to open a de la Rosa without breaking it?" "Aha! How about I show you a trick to do it instead?"

Again, like Ghost, you're his special American. Gaz calls you his emotional-support American once and he thinks it's really funny, he'll call you as such every now and then.

✧Rodolfo Parra✧

Sweet darling man. He has nothing against you being American, nothing. But...he cannot understand anything you're saying. He's doing his best but he really doesn't know. He can feel his brain frying every time you bring up something super southern, trying to understand.

He'll have to lean over to your team to ask for a translation, anyone but Soap & Price will tack on an "I think, I'm not sure" at the end of their explanation. If he hears you use a phrase more than once, he'll add it to a little list of notes with the translation underneath it. Treats it like a whole different language. It's adorable.

Like Alejandro, he thinks it's funny if you speak Spanish with your accent. He'll keep a straight face because he knows you can't help it, but man is it fun to hear.

He's not very fond of a lot of yelling if he can avoid it, Rudy prefers disputes to be handled with calm words if possible. But he understands that sometimes it's necessary. Still, he'd want to try and calm you down if you're yelling. But, if you're just acting sickeningly-sweet, kind words that are clearly dripping with venom? He'll just watch. He thinks that shows you handle yourself very well and it's pretty attractive to him, not gonna lie.

"Awww I'm so sorry you're upset, poor thing. God bless you, sir, you have a lovely day. I hope that stick up your ass doesn't hurt too bad." "¡Soldado! No digas eso…" "Shh, sugar, it's fine. He wants to be rude, I can be rude back. An eye for an eye. Don't worry your pretty lil' head bout it, sweetheart." "Dios, a veces me asombras y me aterrorizas."

He's really hesitant about American food. It smells great sometimes but all he hears about American food is that it's greasy, or too salty, etc. Still, he won't deny any meal you make. He thinks it's rude to deny food unless it's something you're allergic to.

He ends up liking a few things, but he is biased to his home cooking. But if you start making his favorite foods, or somehow combine the styles in an honoring way? Oh, those are his favorites. He's particularly fond of American sweets though!

Please bake for this man, bake for him, I beg. Apple pie is an American staple for a reason and he'll jokingly claim he'll move to America if it means he can have apple pie every day.

"Rudy, that's your fourth piece! Ahaha, if I knew you liked it so much I woulda made ya more." "Ay, please do! ¡Fue enviado desde el cielo!" "Alright then, hun, I'll be sure to make you all the apple pie ya want."

Rudy really likes if you wear stuff like a cowboy hat. He's not really sure why, he just thinks it's really cute. If it's a staple of your whole look(like John's hat), seeing you protective over it, he thinks that's really cute. If you're protective of your cowboy hat but let him hold it/put it on his head to hold it, it's gonna fluster him. Even if your guy's relationship is completely platonic.

If you live near the border of Texas & Mexico, it makes visiting you pretty easy, so he'll have no qualms about going back and forth when off duty. He'll be more comfortable in his home but he won't turn down the offer to see your home, especially if it's a ranch. He's got a soft spot for farm animals. (Particularly goats)

If he has any control of how you choose your call sign, he'll likely pick something the same way Gaz does. But, if you have a thing about what certain people call you - like how only Ghost can call Soap "Johnny" - He feels really warm and fuzzy if he gets a special privilege.

(Translations; "Eres un maldito idiota. ¡Tan útil como las tetas de un toro!" - "You're a fucking idiot - as useful as a bull's tits/about as useful as tits on a bull!" "Gracias, Bella. Lo necesitaba…" - "Thank you, bella/beauty. I needed it." "¡Soldado! No digas eso…" - "Soldier! You can't say that..." "Dios, a veces me asombras y me aterrorizas." - "God, sometimes you amaze and terrify me." "¡Fue enviado desde el cielo!" - "It was sent from heaven!")

[localapparently]

i love kimcom so much.. i love them so much..

theyre so..!! honestly if i think about them too much i'll cry.. and I'm rereading a few bits of dark castle to compare the novel and the webtoon and gosh, sleepyc and team's art really allows kimcoms interactions to feel more alive and goofy, silly even,,

epilogue spoilers ahead near the end

and novel's narration are like the gaps to fill in, both sides elevate the story,, i sound like a food critic but like. oh my goodness you read the part where kdj reunites with sys in dark castle after his revival and youre so taken by how sweet and cute it is. and then you read novel and..!!

I wouldn't have been able to run straight here if it wasn't for this feeling. I saw Shin Yoosung crying and thought that parents probably felt like this.

GOODBYEEEE I AM SO DEADDDD LIKE OH MY GOD YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME???

and webtoon chooses to let kdj maintain the same composure he had when he talked to jihye after saving her just moments prior,, and it works because now i read his inner thoughts in novel and I FEEL SO INSANE?!?!?! YOU BITCHHH SAY IT SAY YOU MISS HER?? no wait .. im getting off topic. this is becoming a kdj sys ramble

Honestly even though i call them found family I don't really classify them as a family either, they feel more like a home? at least at the first half of the story.. In an apocalypse where everything feels uncertain and you've lost all your close friends, you'd end up wandering aimlessly, so sticking to a group is moreso a temporary means of survival than friendship of any sort. It's also why kdj is so essential to kimcom as their glue, as the person who gathered them together, he provided them with that temporary party. and having that 'constant' you can return and realign to in that setting is so.. augh...

not to mention that three of the kimcom members are kids and kdj is their form of stability. lgy and sys hug him whenever they see him because he's the first adult that had ever shown them care. jihye is probably shaken from the first scenario but while she clings to yjh and admires him as her master, he probably doesnt do enough to reciprocate her respect or communicate as enthusiastically. now that i think about it, jihye feels kind of lonely, not young enough to get along with the kids particularly closely and not old enough to be buddies with the adults. does she make up for it by being talkative?)

And at this point in the story its evident that theyre not even that close !! singshong's writing style isnt one that elaborates on emotions and descriptive fluff to begin with, but sys is stated to not be so fond of jihye in ch162 because jihye was rude to kdj, they still feel like theyre in their own cliques. sys and lgy stick together as kids of similar ages, jhw and lhs get along normally, hsy is. hsy. lhs for one narrates kimcom as his 'companions' quite early on, but i'm unsure whether that choice is becuase thats just a suitable word for people closer than 'allies' but not close enough to be 'friends'. ultimately its just a buncha people who are trying to survive, and care about the guy that brought them tgt. it doesnt really feel like anything more than that.

and then as you're caught up in kdj's shenanigans, small snippets pass by and they feel a bit warmer yk. like sys and lgy having a coin flip whenever they're uneasy. (sys states that lgy has "done this before", like he's the one that has suggested the past coin flip(s). it feels like its implying that hes initiated this game system just to cheer up sys because shes a lot more transparent about feeling sad that kdj isnt there.) sooyoung of all people, willing to get an outer god contract to save sangah. jihye, hyunsung and seolhwa chilling in the room during proof of stars, and hyunsung was picking his nose like are you fr they are so unserious,.

in jttw arc ch 433, yoosung growing close enough to joonghyuk to not get intimidated by him and (forcefully (forcefully is a strong word but she straight up just puts it on his cheek unprompted and that is so funny of her)) apply seolhwa's ointment, even giggling when he allows her to do it after she brings up doctors orders.

after proof of stars, theres a portion that goes

The party members supported each other. (...) I saw the white lines connecting the empty universe. The stars, that seemed like they would never meet each other, were facing each other.

please know this: i wanted to cry and scream so bad. ive started to spell out kimcoms names rather than address them in their shortforms, that writing inconsistency is how emotional i am right now.

I can't do the justice of listing down every instance where they've grown a little closer, but i'm hoping to remember more on my second reread.

because orv is such a long novel, the way they gradually grow closer also feels realistic.. and by the time you're in the ch400s, its so clear that they wouldn't go anywhere else without each other.. if i start talking about vacation arc i'll just start sitting and staring at a wall again.

"you're explaining how an average found family trope is realised" Youre right!!! youre right!!,, me when the found family is actually found family.. don't shame me like this.. i'm just an emotional person..

Ah and then you get moments where their unity really shines, and they become god pummeling probability festering forces of nature... and its when one guy's life is in jeopardy. even when they weren't all that close yet, its when they save kdj where they feel most strong. and its a bit obvious because its like, common goal makes people group together yknow, but god the adrenaline and relief when they appeared in demon king selection.. the way their names pop up one after another when they vote for jung heewon's skill..

and 1865 !! 1865 was really the epitome of it all!! oh my god they were all so reluctant to return to the hell of the scenarios but they dragged themselves back because of one fucking guy that they loved too much. and i'm rereading 1865 a bit as i write this but the way they all yelled at their sponsors to pick them is so so funny and the whole speedrunning thing really shows their desperation to quickly find him but also feels a bit fun and even exhilirating with how theyd already beaten the game once, and they were going to storm through the whole thing again to reach kim dokja. like a fuckin earthquake. the lines in ch 536

They had to be insane. (...) These people who lost their minds were clearing the scenarios with insane methods.

YEAHHH THATS MY FUCKING KIMCOM WOOOH OH MY GODD THEYRE SO INSANE!!!!

kimcom's bond was strengthened because of their love for kim dokja, kimcom drifted so close because of how much they wanted to save kim dokja. whenever i think about the 'found family' trope between kimcom, it exists because they love kim dokja, and once again i'm reminded of how much that bastard is loved and how he denies that he is anything else but a reader outside the covers of the story.

It's not to say that all of kimcom's bonds were because of him, but it's clear that had it not been for him, they would have dissipated so much quicker.

agh. what was i talking about again..

genuinely i dont know if ive proven anything through this. i just had to talk about it. i havent even talked about the relationship between kdj and each kimcom member but then the post wouldnt end. sys's section would be thousands of words and i would even have a portion for gong pildu and jang hayoung..

i love kimcom. thats it thats the post.

[hearthouses]

top 4 works of 2023

I was tagged by @nameslikeguns and also @preseriesdean was an inspiration, but I modified it to four because I'm not super proud of any of my edits this year and I wasn't able to squeeze out another fic before the end of the year, so we're going with top four! I am also not going to rank them, but list them in chronological order from their posting date.

This year was a better year than the last two in terms of writing output, I had a rough 2021 and posted nothing, and only posted one fic in 2022, so four is a massive improvement, even if it feels miniscule compared of other people's outputs. The Fall was when I was most productive and I am very proud of what I wrote then, exploring concepts I was particularly interested in, even if it's not the most popular and putting myslf out there regardless.

I think I would have continued that streak had I not gotten covid, then 2+ months of complications from covid, but I am trying to drag myself out of that funk. I am hoping to write more in 2024 as I have so many WIPs I want to get to and finish.

Anyway, here's the list:

1. when you're smiling and astride me

This was the first work I posted this year. It felt good to write it, but it also came with some challenges because I wrote it for an exchange and I was very nervous with some of the concepts and how they would go over. But the exchange itself was based on the idea of freeing your id and going wild, so I eventually just went with it and this was the result. I really love exploring Dean's feelings about his body and gender expression, and how Sam helps with it, and my only regret is I wish it was longer.

2. you say, go fast (i say, hold on tight)

This was written in a haze of early Fall because of another exchange that created a level of freedom that unlocked something in my brain that kept me from second guessing myself. It sprang from a concept fanvid and I came up with the idea wholesale from some mental images and let the story happen. I'm very fond of the result, even if it feels saccharine and too sweet and romantic for some. I really love the vibes and the imagery, plus how in love Sam and Dean are.

3. the landscape after cruelty

The process for this fic was grueling. No idea was working the way I wanted, so I needed to come up with a new idea altogether and at times, I almost didn't finish this fic. I have no playlist because I needed quiet to work on this. None of my usual preparations for writing fic worked for this one. The subject matter was daunting and I'm still unsure if I accomplished what I set out to, but I am proud of it. It's not very popular and I wonder if I hit the wrong notes often, but I'm also very protective of it. It's a weird fic that I'm not sure how I feel about the end result 100%, but I had to at least try and explore my feelings around the subject matter.

4. we could live forever in each other’s faces

This fic was written during the height of my illness. It wasn't supposed to be the fic I wrote because I had bigger plans (longer, more complicated fics), so I needed to scale them down to something more managable. How I did that was I chose to write the scenes in a series of drabbles, double drabbles, and triple drabbles, so I could focus on the preciseness of the word count. While this style of writing might feels limiting, it helps me to focus. I really love the dreamy, fairytale-like result of this. I still want to write a longer fic about these themes, but I am glad I wrote this all the same.

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: Interstella 5555

The process I employ to figure out what movie to cover on this little column of mine is more of an art than a science. Some times it has me scrolling mindlessly through my letterboxd or netflix history looking for a movie I feel strongly enough about to write about. Other times, I decide to listen to Alive 2007 and realize Daft Punk is one of the best musical acts of all time. So, with that in mind, let's talk about that time they made a movie.

As one might expect for an almost feature-length movie to the 2001 Daft Punk album Discovery, Interstella follows the story of a group of alien musicians who find themselves abducted by extrasolar interlopers, shortly revealed to be humans who takes our blue-skinned friends to earth. Once there, the Interstella gang are brainwashed and disguised as humans in order to work for a skeezy producer slash symphonic orchestra conductor, later revealed to have struck a Faustian bargain with some sort of space satan for eternal life and riches provided he can sacrifice 5555 golden records, and the artists who produced them with it.

It's not the most complex story once you get over the novelty of the reverse alien abduction and space satanism bits, but that is perhaps inevitable, considering this movie has no spoken dialog apart from the odd line or lyrics that is meant to be diegetic. Secondary protagonist who I have dubbed as "guitar spaceship guy," for example, sings Digital Love to himself while cleaning said guitar-shaped spaceship and day-dreaming of the alien band's bass player before receiving his call to action.

The movie probably shines the hardest when there's lot of mechanical stuff going on. The sequence when the Interstella crew gets their brainwashing and humanface disguises, the mechanical beats Harder, Faster, Better, Stronger makes it seem like a How It's Made episode from a much MUCH darker timeline.

It's also interesting to me how the brainwashing does seem to take just fine, but the crew, now under the name Crescendolls, seem morose, still every bit as able to make killer tracks as in their pre-abduction days, but without the clear and apparent joy. Granted, the hardships of being a Commercial Super Hit Artist does probably play into it, but even before that, there's a profound malcontent in them. I almost find myself wishing there was some expository dialog here to explore this. Do they know on some level that they don't belong on earth? That they're being made to do the thing they once loved wholeheartedly for someone else's gain?

It's hard not to speculate on the auteur side of this. The context that Discovery was a departure album from Daft Punk's established house music style, and arguably their entry into the attention of wider pop culture, is similarly hard to ignore. Considering Daft Punk adopted their now-iconic robot mask personae at the same time, it's not hard to read a fear of becoming part of the Pop Machine in Interstella 5555.

If I can now only take a brief digression to talk about the music. Discovery is one of my favorite albums of all time. Filing off the rough edges and at times consciously abrasive soundscapes from earlier releases makes for a compulsively listenable album. I'm particularly fond of how Daft Punk uses vocal performance, primarily through samples as a musical element. The sample of Barry Manilow's paranoid cuckold anthem Who's Been Sleeping In My Bed in Superheroes is somehow both basically incomprehensible and instantly iconic, and the thought of having ears keen enough and musical intuition sharp enough to pick up on it in the first place is one of those genius moves that I understand, but could not replicate for all the gold in the world.

If Interstella 5555 has any flaws, apart from annoyingly being 5 minutes too short to be classified as a feature length film at 65 minutes, it's probably the slightly disposable tragedy of Guitar Spaceship Guy, who's doomed but heroic quest to save Interstella 5555 arguably could have been cut in its entirety. His infatuation with Interstella's bass player plays out in this structurally sound but kind of lifeless romance by the songs Digital Love and Something About Us, and the fact that GSG and Bass Player Lady doesn't actually know each other becomes impossible to ignore. His dying... dream sharing or whatever else is going on there feels like it's following a character arc that isn't there. Bass Player Lady doesn't know him, and crucially, he doesn't know her. It's all parasocial, and he dies shortly thereafter. It's not to say something beautiful couldn't grow from this, and I think that's what they're getting at with the Something About Us sequence, but it does feel like mourning what Didn't Happen, and if we're getting started on that we'll be here all day so let us move on.

Speaking of flaws, the movie does drag a little in the third act. Part of this is the Act 2 Climax feeling more fitting for that sort of thing than the actual climax. It is admittedly a little sweet that the plot resolves when immortal conductor guy's plot is discovered and humanity reacts by rightfully pointing out that a crime has been committed, and hasten to help the Interstella gang find their way home, that's not normally how these plots go, but the slight nuance given to the abduction/humans are the villains plot is very heartening. Seeing our blue alien friends seen off as beloved heroes feels very correct, and similarly, their rediscovery of the joy of music and new role as interplanetary ambassadors is one of those "fuck yeah a better world is possible" things that I'll take a million times over more cynical Dark Forest scenarios.

Speaking of drag, though, the Too Long segment, feels a bit like a lengthy coda to the story we don't need, which is, coincidentally what I think about the song's role on the album as well. All the same, it must be said that while the final showdown by immortal conductor's guy in psychedelic FTL space is pretty cool, and while it still doesn't work for me, Guitar Spaceship Guy helping out the Crescendolls one final time from beyond the grave does endear me ever so slightly to that whole subplot.

Interstella 5555 is an interesting watch, it's clearly a project of way more creative freedom than most animated fare is allowed to be, and it's wild that I can say the phrase "it's also exciting that the movie straight out states that Mozart, Ella Fitzgerald and... I believe Flea of Red Hot Chilli Peppers (?) all were sacrificed to Space Satan." This isn't important to the plot at all, but I feel it just needed to be said. So in short, check it out. Among it's many strengths, the soundtrack kicks some serious ass.

[riridontneedya]

Emerald . (D.M ONESHOT)

Summary: The truth is this was a random one shot idea I had over the Christmas and after about 3 gin and tonics I had a crack at writing it so tada here it is ! I've glossed over it corrected grammar etc but I tried to keep it in its original tipsy state lol.

Actual summary: Female reader finds herself left alone at house party with her enemies older brother.

An 'Enemies' brother one shot . So think best friends brother style troupe but instead you're not best friends you aren't particularly fond of one another.

Pairing: Draco x female reader

Warnings: ANGST , Mature themes ,Mature Language , BRIEF SEXUAL EXPLICIT SCENE . Read at your own discretion.

Words: 1505

A/ns: Enjoy angels ! if its put you in the mood for more have a look at my other work HERE . Requests open & constructive feedback welcomed :) xx

Something was off an y/n should’ve known better . It was eerily quiet as she made her way to her dorm. By this time the corridors would’ve been bustling with handfuls of students. Especially during exam season , you could find them all hunched over books in corners or frantically scribbling in notebooks .. but today nothing . Maybe the exam pressure has gotten far too much for them and their either hiding out in the library or dorms cramming as much as possible she thought to herself. Either way y/n was enjoying the newfound peace , but that was short-lived as she entered the common room. Y/n was almost hurtled backwards by the blast of music that was emitted as she opened the door.

The room itself was dark but the vibrant bursts of colour from the strobe lights illuminated the outlines of the sea of students.  It was only yesterday y/n specifically remembered pleading with her roommate Tina for peace and quiet , and that her mere existence was not a viable excuse for a party .But alas the large and in charge buxom blonde was very much used to getting her own way.  Y/n was determined to elbow her way through the pit of bodies and give Tina a piece of her mind. That was before she stumbled in the darkness and came crashing to the floor.  Y/n was now seething. The infuriation coupled with the pain in her leg from hurtling to the floor made her want nothing more than to just get to her room. She stormed up the stairs making a beeline to her bathroom ensuring to slam her door shut behind her. Leaning by the sink she took a moment to compose herself splashing her face with some cool water letting it subside her rage.

Just then the door swung open and in strode a disgruntled looking Draco. He was rather startled once he turned around to notice the equally startled y/n leant by the sink. “Oh .. I'm sorry I didn’t realise anyone would be up here its  absolutely heaving down there , I just wanted five minutes to myself”. He said as he fiddled with the paper on his beer bottle. “Umm Thats fine..” said y/n with a half smile. There was a prolonged silence. Even if Y/n had wanted to break said silence she wouldn’t even have a clue how to begin to do so. This was her first real one on one interaction with him aside from the exchange of the usual pleasantries or the occasional muttered “Hello” of polite acknowledgement if they happened to pass one another in the hallways. 

Any merger shreds of information she did know of him was courtesy of his sister, and y/n knew much better than to relay that sort of information . “Your leg” Draco murmured as he took a swig of his beer.  Y/n swiftly looked down at the gaping hole in her tights situated on her thigh. She had noticed that it had begun to bleed. “Oh crap” instinctively she went to reach for some toilet paper, however her path was obstructed by Dracos broad turtleneck ladened chest. “Could you grab me some loo roll please” she asked politely. He took one more swig from his beer before resting it on the countertop. He plucked  the roll from off the dispenser and handed it to her. His pale blue eyes boring into her with a wild intensity whilst he watched her dab at her wound. 

He grew impatient watching her feeble dabbing attempts. “You won’t stop it like that” . Y/n paused as her eyes met his . “Here let me” he demanded making his way towards her. Y/n felt a fizzing sensation  at the base of her stomach that began to disperse through her body as he closed the space between them. “Take them off” he instructed coolly. Y/n felt her eyes bulge upon hearing his request “Sorry .. what ?” She croaked. Draco remained unfazed “You heard me .. I said take them off .. your tights y/n do you want my help or not?”. In fairness it wasn’t an abhorrently bizarre request  but it was who was requesting it that had her on edge. She could feel the fizzing sensation being to intensify as he carefully watched her disrobe her lower half.  Without warning he had lifted her and perched her onto the countertop.

The cool of his rings clasping against her warm skin made her shudder . “Did I hurt you?” he questioned his hand gently rubbing in a circular motion on her outer thigh. “No , your hand was cold thats all” she smiled. “Ok.. thats good .. I want to make sure you're comfortable.. you’d tell me if you weren’t right?” “Of course” y/n replied in an instant. “ Good girl” he said followed by an effortless wink . Y/n never noticed he had this sort of potent allure,  it were as if he was the flame and she the moth . Unable to deviate her gaze she watched on as he applied pressure to her cut despite usually being quite squeamish . 

His eyes shot up and caught y/ns. She froze locked into his  stare. “Fuck it” he blurted pulling y/n towards him and crashing his lips into hers. The kiss was loaded with an intense passion. Y/ns arms sloped around his neck pulling him closer into her as his hands ventured up her bare thighs. “Do you want my fingers?” He rasped as he withdrew from her lips. Y/n nodded with urgency. “Good, now spread your legs wider”. He began to skilfully tease her entrance, his fingers becoming slicker and slicker with her arousal  making it  easier to glide into . Y/n couldn’t help but cry out when he slowly eased them inside her . Flinging her head back she began to moan as the arousal washed over her. 

The door of y/ns bedroom opened and closed . The footsteps stopped just shy of the door, and out rang Tinas voice. “Hey babe, Greg told me you had a bit of he fall but you came up here .. not crying are you”. “Fuck” mouthed y/n, Draco dramatically rolled his eyes. His fingers still remained pulsating inside her. “Just tell her to fuck off” he groaned quietly kissing the length of her neck. “Im fine .. you can go now” y/n called out to Tina. Tina began to go one of her usual tangents that attempted to serve as a justification for her continuous impulsive and inconsiderate behaviour.  Luckily y/n was rather occupied with the task of stifling her groans into Dracos shoulder so she wasn’t burdened with hearing much of  it.

Y/n hoped that silence on her end would serve as a message and she would soon leave however Tina remained rather persistent tonight. “Look,  I get it.. like is said sorry.. I guess we can talk about this tomorrow if you prefer.” Thank heavens she caught onto the message thought y/n . There’s was only so much longer she could hold her composure against the now brutal pummelling of his fingers . “Wait .. y/n before I go.. did you see Dray .. someone said they saw him head up here? Ive been meaning to talk to him” 

Draco peeled his head from over her shoulder. With his face illuminated he pushed his lips against y/ns ear and groaned “Go on .. I dare you to tell her I'm fingers deep inside you ..tell her how much you're loving being finger fucked by her brother of all people. His chuckle was hearty. He had the power and he very much liked it like that . Dracos arm scooped around her hauling her closer to the edge of the bathroom countertop.

This Granted  him more access ,  allowing him to thrust much deeper as well as coax another finger inside her. Y/n couldn’t help but let out a  shriek as immense pleasure jolted through her body  Dracos ear to ear grin resembled that of a Cheshire Cat “Oh my gosh y/n ! what the hell is going on in there .. I'm coming in” . “NO! , just fuck off and  leave me alone how many times ! Roared y/n.  Tinas slew of expletives came thick and fast from the other side of the bathroom door. It was apparent she was displeased with  the response she was met with.It was nowhere near as palatable as y/n’s usual begrudging acceptance of her insincere sorries .

Once the screeching had come to an end there was the loud thud of the bedroom door shutting. Y/n hopped of the counter shoving Draco aside. “You arse” she tutted prodding him in the shoulder.  “Great now she’s probably going to fucking hex me I've got to go find her now”. With a mischievous grin he took her hand and rested it against his spectacular firm bulge. “You're not going anywhere  .. I will deal with her, you just be naked by the time I'm back. 

[miyakuli]

A Space for the Unbound

Stand by Me

After the emotional When the Past was Around, a game I was particularly fond of, Mojiken and Toge Productions are back with another hard-hitting title. A Space for the Unbound plunges us into Indonesia in the 90s, where we follow young high-school students Raya and Atma as they confront the end of their world (I won't reveal any more than that, as the story is well worth the candle). What can I say, I can only recommend it, because once again, it's a game that left a deep mark on me:

❤ A truly moving story that touches on singularly human and mature themes. The script skilfully juggles between sweet moments and much more psychologically harsh scenes, and easily draws us in with the way it gradually distils clues about our characters and the world around us. And I'm not even going to mention the masterful ending - I still think about it with great emotion. A little gem of writing! ❤ Endearing characters, both human and animal ;) (ps: you can pet and name all the animals in the game, I'm screaming!) ❤ I'm a big fan of pixel art, and I can say that in terms of design, it's superb. From the detailed and nostalgic backgrounds, to the distinctive and memorable chara-designs, to the beautiful gameplay animations and cinematic sequences… it's a real treat! ❤ Not to mention the excellent soundtrack that accompanies the game. The music is pleasant, comforting at times, but also emotionally charged in the strong moments. And yes, the song at the end totally helped to make me cry :') ❤ Gameplay-wise, it's partly a fairly basic point & click, with little puzzles here and there that aren't too hard, but the game also offers different gameplay phases (such as QTEs and even an Ace Attorney-style court phase :p), so there's never any real sense of redundancy.

+/- I found all the quests relevant, even the more secondary ones; each one allows us to really learn about the protagonists' neighbourhood and its residents, and therefore to really feel at home there, which reinforces the nostalgic aspect of the game. On the other hand, some of them perhaps take up a little too much time for what they add to the story.

✖ Some actions require you to go back and forth quite a bit at times (and long!) ✖ Atma walks so slowly that you end up running all the time. So what's the point of the walking option x)

This is the second game from this studio that has brought tears to my eyes. They have a real talent for gently conveying emotion, through both storytelling and gameplay. I regret not having played it sooner, as it would definitely have got my vote at the Game Awards 2023, where it was nominated in the 'Game for Impact' category. Because yes, I'm not likely to forget it, and as the game wanted to teach me, cherishing your fondest memories is important for living and moving forward <3

➡ My Steam page

[ohblackdiamond]

Fandom Ask Game! 6, 7, 15, 18, 19, 20, 22 , 23, 24, 25 (I know this is all KISS related lol but some questions are for how you write these characters in your lovely fics more than the actual people) Um, I may have asked too many questions. lol I understand if you skip some that were already answered!

i'll answer them all!

6. Show us a bit of a WIP!

This is from "rocks off"--

“You keep giving me secondhand fantasies, Paulie. I want something just for you and me.”

Paul raised up a bit, bracing himself with one arm. He was looking at Ace one aspect at a time. Long, skinny legs, not much hair on them. Damp curls, wet mound– Ace was still sitting on top of him– small, jutting hips, small, pert breasts, all in contrast to his somewhat pouchy gut. The only fat really on him was right there at his stomach. All that champagne and beer, all that greasy, rich food on tour, and yet Paul knew damn well that Ace still weighed less than him. So unfair.

Ace’s face now. Some prettier, but recognizable.  Still scarred up and pockmarked. No beauty queen, no Playboy playmate. He’d been left as himself, same as Paul, and Paul had been cruel to him for it. Having Ace buy lingerie he didn’t fill out, just to make him insecure. Just to tear into him for not measuring up, because Paul himself didn’t feel like he measured up right now. Even Paul putting on the lingerie that another man had bought him– he hadn’t meant that as a jab, but that didn’t matter. He’d sliced into Ace with such precision he was amazed Ace was still even in bed with him.

Ace hadn’t had to be pretty to mess around with before, back when they’d both had the right bodies. None of that had mattered. He’d just had to be Ace. 

“Something just for you and me,” Paul said quietly. “If that’s what you want, then stop talking about Gene.”

“Can’t help it. He’s all over the goddamn place.”

“He doesn’t have to be.”

Ace pushed Paul’s curls back behind his ear, a gesture too oddly tender for Paul to believe.

“I can’t have you the way he could. The way I wanna.” Two of Ace’s fingers ran across Paul’s lips– Paul parted them on hazy automatic. “The way you wanna.”

So that was it, then. Some of it. Paul’s lips closed around Ace’s finger, sucking lightly for just a few seconds, before he pulled away with a small, wet pop.

“Ace,” he said, “what the hell do you know about what I want?”

7. Is there a piece of clothing you think [character] is particularly fond of/that you imagine them wearing a lot or like to draw them in?

I'm not a very visual person at all, so sadly, no. Everyone is stuck in jeans in most of my fics.

15. Have you noticed your style changing over time?

I have been at the fanfic game for longer than a lot of tumblrites have been alive-- sadly, due to not reading very many actual books, my style has not changed overly much in the last ten years or so. I'm relying on the same bag of tricks as ever (parallelism, implications).

18. Type [character]'s name and tell us what the autocomplete suggests as the next word.

Paul and

19. What's your favorite thing about [fandom] (the people in it, not the media you're all enjoying together)?

You know, in real life, it's probably actually the most welcoming fandom I've ever been in. I have never been treated poorly by anyone I met at a KISS event and in fact have always been treated extremely kindly. KISS fans get a bad rap for being bitter but in my experience it's not really true. Kissblr has been pretty good to me overal as well and has led me to meet and befriend some wonderful people.

20. When did you first join Tumblr? How long was it between that and finding [fandom]?

I first joined tumblr 12 years ago (I had an Angel Sanctuary blog). I have been involved in the KISS fandom on tumblr since 2018 but have been interested in KISS since the Reunion era, when I was a kid.

22. Give us a headcanon for [character].

In the merfic, purple tails (particularly in the New York area) are basically akin to having brown eyes in terms of being common. Blue tails are just slightly less common, then green, and red/pinkish are the least common.

All the mer are inbred and that accounts for their problems reproducing as well as issues like Paul's condition (both his microtia and his always-remaining purple splotching). Oh, wait, I don't think that's a headcanon because it's basically right there in the fic.

In t&a or any permutations of it, Paul could absolutely have orgasmed as a girl on his own if he'd let go of his anxiety about it more (and stopped just sticking his fingers in!).

Ace probably told Paul the way to break the curse was to have sex with Peter.

At the end of t&a, on the other end of the line, Ace is asking Paul if he's checked to see if his dick is still working properly.

23. Has your favorite character/ship changed over time?

I don't know that I ever had a favorite ship, it's always been a rough trifecta of Paul/Gene, Paul/Ace, and Ace/Peter.

Favorite to write about is still Paul. That's mostly because he's just easy to write because he has a lot of traits people identify with (anxiety, depression, body image issues, insecurity).

24. What's your favorite thing about [character]?

Aw, I guess I love Ace because he's very offbeat. I am not a linear thinker at all and so someone like Gene (who is extremely linear), for example, is sometimes difficult for me to understand. But Ace is charming, out there in what you assume is lala land but isn't really. I feel like Ace has a very Mittyesque view of life.

25. What's your least favorite thing [character] said or did?

In real life, they all said and did terrible things, mostly to each other, their spouses, their groupies, and the people that worked for/with them.

Ficwise... I tend to write a somewhat more acrid/cruel Paul than most people (and a particularly bitter Peter); I guess my least favorite thing I ever had him do was not admit in "no change in the weather" to Peter that he is, indeed, cheating him (in the sense that Ace is getting paid much more per show, unbeknownst to Peter), so maybe that makes the climax and conclusion of that story a little hollow, if you know your kisstory....

In "careening," a drunken Paul propositions Bruce in a restaurant, which wasn't cool, either.

In "rocks off," which isn't complete/posted yet (but that's the title of the fic that the excerpt above is from), Paul is mean enough to semi-make Ace buy lingerie he has no hope of filling out, just to try to make him feel insecure.

Thanks for the asks!

[desertfangs]

7. Is there a piece of clothing you think Daniel is particularly fond of/that you imagine them wearing a lot or like to write them in?

11. What's your favourite piece of fanart of Armand/Daniel?

14. Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write but now you've changed your mind?

Fandom Ask Meme!

7. Is there a piece of clothing you think Daniel is particularly fond of/that you imagine them wearing a lot or like to write them in?

I tend to see Daniel in band t-shirts or really shirts with really cheesy/bad puns on them. I also think he usually has a particular hoodie that he wears until it's threadbare and fraying at the cuffs and collars, and has to be replaced (usually by Armand, who will insist he won't have Daniel walking around looking like derelict but then Armand often squirrels the old sweatshirt away and has a collection of Used Daniel Sweatshirts in boxes on Night Island and TG.)

I think he's the same way with jeans, to be honest. He prefers comfort over style and will wear a pair until they're literally falling apart.

11. What's your favourite piece of fanart of Armand/Daniel?

I cannot choose a favorite! There are so many amazing, great ones and new amazing art all the time, and it's literally impossible to begin to pick. Just scrolling through the fanart tag I could be here all day linking to art I love.

While scrolling around trying to find the link to the last piece, I came across this comic that I always loved.

And of course Sheep has some amazing pieces including this one.

There's this one with Armand's mouth on Daniel's neck and this one where they're starring at Christmas lights and this one where they're cuddling and this one where they're kissing deeply and this one where they're sharing blood

There's a specific one I was looking for that I can't even find but I'm sure it will pop up again eventually, and there probably a hundred more I could link.

Anyhow, we are seriously blessed to have so much amazing Armand/Daniel fanart in this fandom.

14. Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write but now you've changed your mind?

I mean, I didn't think I'd ever write Armand/Lestat as anything more than Armand desperately pining and I got turned around and sold on what a good dynamic they have! Same with Marius/Daniel. I wasn't that into them as a pairing at first but I've come around and now I'm very into it.

One of the cool things about fandom is that as you talk to other people and read their fic and meta and headcanons and discuss the themes of the books and what you all like about characters and ships, you start to see things in different ways and you may change your opinion on characters or ships, and care about things you didn't previous care about. It's why fandom is so neat!

Thank you for the ask!

[frodothefair]

Queer Frodo

Randomly thinking about fem!Frodo for a future fic idea I've got cooking, and I've realized something. My version of fem!Frodo is actually trans-male Frodo, but the Shire lacks the vocabulary and the sociocultural framework for her trans identity to be full realized. A few facts about trans FtM Frodo, then:

--assigned female at birth and still for the most part goes by female pronouns. If she is called "he," or "Bilbo's nephew" it's almost invariably in jest, as the Shire cannot conceive of transition as a serious thing: only as a joke, or another form of being odd (or as they would completely unironically call it, "queer")

--birth name is not Frodo, but Forsythia. :). The nickname Frodo came about when someone, see item above, made a joke that she is so much like a boy that they may as well call her Frodo, after her father Drogo.

--Frodo enjoys traditionally male or at least genderless pursuits, including tramping around the Shire, thinking about adventures, pilfering mushrooms, fishing, as well as reading and writing. She is not particularly fond of activities that fall under the umbrella of "tending the hearth," or "feminine self-care."

--has more male friends than female friends. Gets antsy and feels out of place in large female gatherings. Her male friends see her as one of them

--always identifies with the male heroes in a story

--feels more comfortable in male clothing. Even when she wears a dress or skirt, it's not uncommon for her to wear a blazer over it for an androgynous style

--Bilbo is often disparaged for "letting her run wild and wear breeches." Part of the reason why she gets used to doing so, however, is because her parents passed away early, and she had relatively little oversight at Brandy Hall, while Bilbo let her continue on account of liking her free spirit.

--Sam, oddly enough, still insists on always calling her Mistress Frodo, and sees more of the feminine in her than do most people. He also sees himself in a sort of courtly love role. He dotes on her, but also puts her on a bit of a pedestal, and until she signals her interest to him, he would never dare be explicit about his feelings. Frodo does not mind Sam seeing and appreciating the feminine in her. In fact, he is one of the few people with whom she's comfortable exploring that part of her identity.

--she did wear a dress at Bilbo's 111st, and Sam recalled her dancing (not Rosie) at that party when they were on the slopes of Mount Doom. He then declared his love, and Frodo at first did not believe him, thinking he was high on lava fumes.

--really the whole reason I'm making a biologically female Frodo is so she can give birth to Sam's child and marry him in a semi socially sanctioned manner. (I mean, the Shire will still probably blow up, but mostly due to the class difference, not the trans-ness).

@konjugaltdien

[morphomixz]

Eclipsed Pt. 2 (Miraculous x Reader)

8:36:19 PM Wednesday, April 17th,  Paris, France

The plane landed about 45 minutes ago. For being Mayor and my cousin who I'm going to be living with, they really want to be here in person to pick me up. Though, I think part of it is the chance for the paparazzi to swarm giving them more attention to their campaign and in general. Anyways, Chloe says their ETA is 5 minutes, and this oversized hoodie is getting a little stuffy but I don't want to deal with any fans without security around me. It's funny how people will disrespect your space, personal items, and your voice just because you're in a higher elevated popularity role. Yeah, I'm not fond of STAN culture at all. Anyways, my Uncle should be here soon as well as Chlo. 

While I'm waiting outside, a limo pulls up right in front of me. The window begins to roll down to reveal a pair of blue eyes, painted grey-pink lips, and a head of honey-blonde hair: Chloe. She's a bit demanding with me getting in so we can prep for school tomorrow. I guess I'm starting first thing in the morning. 

When we arrive at Le Grand Paris, my Uncle's hotel and place of residence Chloe drags me off to my room, which is two doors down from her's on the opposite side of the hall. I've been told that it will be my permanent residence while I'm here in Paris until I'm old enough to have my own place. Chloe leaves me be for now. She wants me to unpack and then we'll have our own version of a sleepover. She wants to know mainly about being an idol and about Dante. She knows bits and pieces from what I've told her that she's kept secret for her mother's sake more than my own, but she doesn't know what caused the breakup. She just knows I never loved him as much as he loved me. 

Unpacking is the difficult part. My aunt made me take every luxury item possible with me. Hermes bags, Gucci shoes, Fendi purses, Agreste designer outfits, makeup from other celebrity brands, and even Style Queen prototype outfits to gauge interest in her new designs. There's even more: bolts of fabric to begin my debut collection, notebooks to write the new album on, the card for the person who's going to help me launch my makeup line, and a particularly bittersweet note written likely by her assistant that says "Be More than Exceptional." like it's encouraging. 

With the last of the many bags unpacked, it was time to actually sleep. Chloe and I's sleepover would have to wait but she understood, at least I think she did. Her text didn't give any reference that she wasn't. Then again that was also 4 hours ago and it's now 1 in the morning. I probably should go to sleep, but something doesn't feel the same as before. It's almost as if I'm not tired. Like I'm not completely exhausted from everything I did today and what to go to sleep, only never wake up. For once, I'm looking forward to eventually waking up. 

I got into the Alaskan King Sized bed with the red comforter that was to be mine for now. It's funny how being 3,631 miles from "home" can make a difference. I feel lighter almost, like a weight ha been taken off of my chest, that I didn't even know was there. What tomorrow will bring, I do not know. All I know is this may be my chance to be some what like a normal teenager, if only for a few weeks. 

If I don't get the album done, who knows what Auntie will make me do. Will I have to return to New York? Will she demand I get into another meaningless relationship? Will I forever be stuck as Y/N Bougeouis: idol or puppet? Could I find true happiness here?

[chocolatepot]

I was going thru all of the fics of yours that I have bookmarked, and I'd forgotten about this gem: Parched - so, director's commentary?

Oooh, okay!

The thing about this fic is that while the note at the end is true (that it was inspired by wondering about what Mary had told Doug about Stede), it was also something of an experiment for me. See, I'm just not that into Mary! In the flashbacks to their marriage, I tend to think neither of them comes off that well. There's a running joke that everyone in the fandom is on her side when she tries to kill Stede, no matter how much they like him, but I'm not, actually! So I wanted to try to get into her head by writing a fic from her perspective.

Dearest Mary,

I started by quoting Stede's letter to Mary because that felt like the right place to pick up. I was exploring how she grew and changed, so I wanted to start at their divergence.

The sun comes in at an angle on the letter like a knife, highlighting the words “fond regards.”

Something else experimental for me with this fic was that I was attempting to write in a slightly more literary(?) style. I do focus on my prose when I write, I'll sometimes try a sentence multiple ways or put one together so slowly that it's like chipping marble, but that's a refinement of what I instinctively want to express - I don't instinctively tend to write figuratively, or describe things that aren't either a) absolutely necessary or b) fun for me to describe. So: a sharp metaphor to start with.

“Did Dad go out to ride on Arthur? I want to take my new kite out with him today.”

I also don't subscribe to the idea that Stede was a fully absent father, so put in that line to show him as an active presence in the kids' lives.

This all makes me sound super petty but I did indeed set out to write A Good Fic first and foremost! As ever when I'm challenging myself. I just cannot help but write in my interpretation of controversial things.

Louis is young enough that he doesn’t realize how bizarre and fucked up it all is, accepting it as just one of those strange things adults do and going back to his toast; Alma, however, is thinking about it with a furrowed brow.

And part of the reason Alma responds as she does is that she's surprised and upset because it never occurred to her that her father might pick up sticks and disappear. (If I were writing the fic now, I think I'd have dwelt more on the kids' reactions, or lack thereof in Louis's case. At the time, my focus was on how their reactions affected Mary.)

But this time her eye is caught by a different line: You deserve happiness, as do I.

Here, the tone shifts. I am SO anxious about people thinking I'm too nice to Stede on the whole, and was/am particularly so at this point, lol. That being said, assuming Doug wasn't putting an incredibly positive spin on things (possible), Mary was able to say some neutral-to-positive things about Stede. So she must have come around on him, his leaving, and his part in their marriage, when she thought that it was all a closed book. (And then when he came back he just ripped open the scab!)

She can complain about Stede at length, if she feels like it, but to his credit, he’s never seemed to actively dislike her. What he accepts is that she dislikes him.

This whole bit was also me digging in and almost stream-of-consciousness-ing from Mary's perspective about what we saw of Stede in their marriage in the flashbacks. Analyzing. Working my fingers into the dough.

Nobody likes every person they’re thrust into society with, but that’s just how life is! You smile and make small talk and get them to tolerate you, and sometimes you end up making friends – but he just couldn’t seem to do that, like he wasn’t even trying.

I admit that I was also experimenting with the perspective of a neurotypical person not getting why an autistic person can't just be normal.

The next day, Mary puts on a black gown she rarely wears, plus a hat with a veil, and visits the local magistrate.

She successfully got him declared dead, after all!

The second it’s done, Mrs. Higgins pushes off the wall and comes to Mary’s side, putting her hand on her shoulder. “Okay, Melvin,” she says breezily in a husky tone that fits her perfectly. “I’m going to take the Widow Bonnet for a cup of tea.”

Well, I ship them.

“This story about your husband being lost at sea – it’s bullshit, right? Did you take him out?” She puts a hand on Mary’s forearm, and it feels alarmingly sympathetic. “What did he do – did he hit you? Do you need help getting rid of the body?”

I have absolutely no doubt that it went down like this. Evelyn's comfort level with the idea of murdering a husband implies that she's been ready and willing to aid and abet a woman who's had to kill before. (And I think she tends to see situations through this lens even when it doesn't fit as a result.)

“Relax,” Mrs. Higgins orders, and Mary can’t help but comply

👀👀👀

“Your … rifles?” asks Mary, stunned, and Jemima takes them all on a tour of her house to see the armory, which is packed so heavily with guns of all sizes and types that you can’t even make out what sort of wallpaper is behind them. There’s even a cannon, positioned so that it could theoretically fire out a window.

I don't entirely remember my thought process here - a melange of needing to make up more widows to be part of the circle and "what would be funny?" and the image of a 17th-18th century armory. Jemima's maiden name, Courten, came from the History of Barbados wiki page, and her last name came from my fierce third grade teacher. (Jemima? I have no idea.)

“I have a tenant who’s a painter!” says another, turning from a display of guns inlaid with mother-of-pearl. “He’s always looking for students – if you come to mine, I can introduce you.”

Fate!!!

Their first meeting is inauspicious, but not to such an extent that it loops back around into a meet-cute.

This was deliberate. Mary and Stede are such opposites that I wanted her romance with Doug not to be a sudden soulmate thing like Ed/Stede basically are - their meeting isn't the stuff of stories, they don't have an intense, immediate chemistry. It's still love.

His fingers are still hovering over the canvas, moving here and there to point out what he’s taken with, and for a moment Mary can hardly breathe.

This was intentionally a bit erotic on top of the sexiness of Doug caring so much about her art (and also - Doug is the biggest sweetie, he sees the good even in a piece with a lot of problems).

There is just so much emotion in her, and nowhere else for it to go. For a fleeting moment, she thinks of Stede and the times she found him weeping alone.

Tying this all back into one of the main things, which was Mary coming around on Stede to some extent.

Nobody has ever looked at her like that, like she is a delicate and beautiful person to be treasured.

This is picking up on a thread I established in More Nicer, that the flipside of Stede having been forced into a marriage with a woman when he's not attracted to women is that Mary was forced into a marriage where she was never, ever found attractive. Feeling that someone she likes is actually interested in her would be huge.

one night when he stays for dinner and then helps her wash the dishes after the kids have gone to bed.

I am COMMITTED! to interpreting OFMD as depicting their household as a modern marriage with a period veneer. They don't have servants and Stede isn't a powerful 18th century patriarch.

The moon is huge. If she were to paint it this big, nobody would ever believe it.

Mary gets her "you wear fine things well" moment under the impossibly large moon - maybe at the same time as Stede and Ed's! Only hers can be straightforwardly understood as a moment of love by all participants.

That she is, in fact, too harsh and practical to be loved is a possibility that has haunted her for years.

Again, that thread from More Nicer.

But when she looks into his eyes again, he’s still just confused. Then he flushes and looks down. “Sorry,” he says, “I just – it’s hard for me to believe that he could bring himself to leave you.”

He's a keeper.

A very sudden thought hits her like a thunderbolt: Stede was right. Their lives had been monotonous and had needed to be shaken up, changed beyond recognition.

And that's the point that the fic's been leading up to - Mary becoming okay with Stede. I don't think this makes him right about everything, but I do think he had a point there and that part of the reason she got so upset when he suggested that their lives were monotonous was that she knew it on some level.

She still wishes that he had told her he was leaving rather than simply doing it, but what if he had? Would she have raged at him, guilted him into staying so that they would both continue to be unhappy?

Surprising no one, I have A Take about the idea that Stede was objectively wrong on the way he left. Could it have gone well if he'd been more up-front about it? Maybe. Could it have also gone a lot worse? I think so.

Now that she has a tantalizing glimpse of the happiness that may lie in store for her, she can fully close that door – she can end that desperate, stunted life and begin a new one.

And there we are.

anyone who's interested, feel free to ask for another!

[thestupidhelmet]

Brown from your ask game please

🤎 Brown: How did you decide to write (or why are you writing) a certain fanfic?

Answering a variation of this question. 😁

One, I'm creatively curious. I ask myself questions about what would happen if X were different -- like if Hyde had gone to Kelso's uncle's ice shack with everyone else. Then I imagine the characters' interactions and plot arising from them. If it's interesting and creatively inspiring enough, I write the story. Those are the One Difference stories.

Two, I fall in creative love with a non-T7S show or movie and wonder how the T7S characters would react under these circumstances and stressors. How they might change the T7S characters. The plot is affected by the T7S characters and their choices, too, and changes accordingly -- and I try to put as much originally into the story as possible.

Reflections Through the Glass was my first T7S fanfic, and its plot hews closely to the source material (The 10th Kingdom) while still having plenty of original elements because the T7S characters' internal and relationship conflicts are different than the characters from the source material.

Then I wrote a sequel, Beneath a Shattered Sky, and the plot is original to me. The fantastical elements are original to me but exist in the world of the source material. I have a deep knowledge of fairy tales and folklore, so that helps. I also came up with completely original fantastical elements, one of which I'm particularly fond of. 😊

Hyde's Long Way Home takes Groundhog Day's time loop concept and sticks Hyde into it. Except for the time loop and the why of it (Hyde must grow and change), the story is original to me. (I wrote this fic before time loop stories became a trope in fanfic, traditionally published novels, and derivative movies.)

The Understudy was inspired by a favorite film, but my story is so different that it would be difficult for someone to guess which movie inspired it (and I'm not telling 😂).

Those Who Play with Demons is inspired by both a TV show and an unrelated movie. I combined the two and created something new.

Three, a story idea pops into my head. Either from the soup of my subconscious or interests I'm conscious of. Or both.

Jackie Stargazer is the epitome of the above -- although the original, scrapped idea (baaad) was inspired by several T7S fics by heatherlea75. The story I ultimately wrote (over the course of a decade) is all from me own noggin'. I'd seen too many T7S fics use trauma as angst porn. I chose to write a story that explores trauma and its aftermath realistically and -- crucially -- how the healing process works.

Writing is wonderful, but an author has a responsibility to do research (sometimes extensive) -- even on subjects the author has experience with (despite how much or how little). A mundane example from Hyde's Long Way Home: Hyde learns how to horseback ride. I had horseback riding lessons for many years in my childhood, both English and Western style. I still did research to make sure I got the details right in the story. ... And I have yet to correct the French in that story. 🤦 I have the corrections, but I haven't made them.

To end this detailed answer on a positive note, the character arcs, overall plot, and the plots feeding into the overall plot of Those Who Play with Demons bring me so much joy to write that I've stuck with the story for a decade; my excitement to continue writing it helped me through a major, traumatic life change I had no control over, during which I had to put the story aside; and the moment I regained enough muscle strength after almost losing my life last year (unrelated to the aforementioned life change), I continued to write the story until I finished the first draft.

Inspiration, passion, internal and external mental-emotional exploration, curiosity, joy, and a desire to give readers some kind of healing or peace or happiness is why I write the stories I write. ♥️

[queen-scribbles]

14, 15, 23, 51?

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

MALLORY AND MASONNNNNNNN (sorry, I'm playing the Patreon release of the book four demo and dear GOD I love their friendship)

TRINNE & JOWAN

Tavi & Edér // Emiri & Aloth

Vikkari & Seelah & Lann (I'd say Vikkari & Aivu, but she's like... his familiar or something, it's closer than friendship)

Ves & Sìora

Also currently dealing with a massive soft spot for Casi & Jorgan bc fic reasons

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

Answered(Jowan/Leliana), but ALSO Watcher/Heodan bc Adi went and bent frigging canon to make her crush a reality and then a relationship xD (and ig Watcher/Kana, even if it's just Emiri having a crush??)

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

Like Em, you get two okay I lied, 2.5(two fics and a prompt fill) bc I have so much trouble picking things to highlight with these questions, I love so many of my fics so much

Moorings Lost & Found. No, I don't care it got obliterated by actual Deadfire canon, it was fun to write, and Toni's art is amazing and I got to write Emiri and Aloth brotp AND Edér and Aloth brotp, AND Emiri getting to kill the bastard who enslaved her for 20 years(spoilers!) which was only fair after putting her through the trauma of watching Aloth get stabbed and being recaptured by the slavers she thought she escaped. :))

We Can But Hope. Digging out one of my Speaker fics bc I reread them all when it updated and I just really love playing with sibling relationships, particularly quieter moments of support.

and tossing in this Mallory & Mason prompt bc I'm really proud of the dialogue and how much the say without actually saying it and how well they get each other.

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

I am a huge, huge, HUGE fan of the Two(or more) Cakes! principle. Just that however many people can write the same trope or missing scene or take on an existing scene and because of different experience and writing styles it's always a little changed, they catch an aspect of it you didn't consider, they highlight a different part of a character's personality or beat from the scene or WHATEVER. It's just so cool.

Fanfic Asks

[sneakyscarab]

hello! it's been a while since ive written out my thoughts about touhou! part of the reason why is that i've been working on a website of my own, which now hosts all my grimoire of nina entries with enhanced bonus features! plus a lot of other things on other pages but this is the relevant part to this post. i'm not sure whether i want to continue making tumblr versions of the posts now that i've set this up, but for now im gonna do both a tumblr edition and a neocities edition. with that out of the way lets get started on...

Touhou 1-5 PC98 Extravaganza!

after finishing the main series (and taking a probably needed break from bullet hells for a bit) I went back to the beginning and checked out the first wave of Touhou, the 5 PC98 games!

putting this up front, while i absolutely respect what these games did to kick off the series and get things going, i cant say i was very fond of them, so the overall tone of this writing is on the neutral to negative side. just something i feel i should note. with that said, let’s get started.

Touhou 1 - Highly Responsive to Prayers

Highly Responsive to Prayers is a weird game. contrary to what one would expect, the First Touhou Game is not a vertical scrolling shooter like others. HRtP is instead a sort of breakout/arkanoid type game, where you control a miko-shaped paddle named Reimu running back and forth bouncing a giant yin-yang orb that clears up tiles, beating a stage once you’ve cleared the screen. it does actually have whispers of the series’ future though, with turrets in levels that shoot bullets towards you, Reimu having a amulet-shooting ability (influence the orb's movement), screen-clearing bombs, and menacing boss fights.

you heard me right, this breakout clone has boss fights, and theyre kinda wild. every 5th stage is a boss, which have big hitboxes and shoot out tons of bullets and other attacks which you have to simultaneously avoid while also manipulating your orb in order to hit the boss (because only the orb does damage). After beating the first boss youre given a branching path between Makai or Hell, and either choice gives you 15 more stages for a total of 20.

overall HRtP is a very bizarre and not particularly great game, but its uniqueness makes it really stand out, and if you're in the market to play a weird breakout/bullet hell game for whatever reason you should try it out.

Touhou 2 - Story of Eastern Wonderland

now This is a Touhou game! released alongside HRtP at Comiket 52, Story of Eastern Wonderland is what i would say is the true first Touhou game, being a vertical scrolling shooter with 6 stages, fancy boss fights, and ridiculous characters.

right out of the gate SoEW shows off how wacky the PC98 era lore is, with the first stage containing not one but two military tanks as boss fights. the third stage's boss as well is a weird metallic wall with 5 "eyes" and innumerable laser cannons. its wild. as for gameplay, it's pretty much what you would consider Standard Touhou, although with some features missing that havent been invented yet, notably the movement-slowing Focus mechanic.

one interesting thing about this game is the colour choice: likely due to palette restrictions pretty much the entire game is a combo of red+purple, with the occasional blue+green sprites. even marisa is not immune, having bright red hair only in this game alongside a purple robe+hat.

its very surprising how close SoEW already is to the modern gameplay loop, although i guess it shouldnt be Too surprising considering scrolling shooters are like one of the first game genres ever made. its a pretty fun time, but also pretty rough around the edges.

Touhou 3 - Phantasmagoria of Dim. Dream

if you thought we would stablize into the regular style now that we've seen SoEW, you'd be off the mark. Phantasmagoria of Dim Dream is actually a VS game in the same style as the later PoFV and UDoALG titles! it was really surprising to me seeing just how much experimentation was going on with the series this early in its lifespan, but I suppose that happened a lot back then.

in terms of gameplay PoDD plays surprisingly similar to PoFV, with the same enemy combos, sending spells at each other through a charge meter, and summoning yourself as a boss fight on the other guy's screen as an ultimate move. it even has the same insane boss summon rebound mechanic and the same cheating bastard final boss ai!

one funny difference is that, since faeries hadnt yet been established as go-to mooks, the enemies during duels are a variety of random things. besides ghosts you just have star, moon, or heart shapes with ' ' and ^^ faces. theyre so abstract I kinda love it lol.

like SoEW its surprisingly functional for its age, although also like that game it still lacks features like focus, leaving it being unpolished in comparison to newer variations of this formula. unless youre a PC98 enthusiast id recommend playing PoFV or UDoALG instead, especially since the multiplayer on this one is local-only.

Touhou 4 - Lotus Land Story

now things are starting to standardize. Lotus Land Story is another vertical scrolling shooter and adds in a bunch of features not in SoEW that would go on to be series mainstays: focus, boss phases, boss item drops, and most notably having Marisa as a deuteragonist! if SoEW was a standard touhou missing some features, LLS is taking steps to a full on touhou game, missing just a few mechanics from EoSD, notably the spell card system and point-of-collection line.

LLS is also notable for a few other reasons, one being the character Yuuka who is one of the few PC98 characters to get remade in the windows games, and the other being the origin of the iconic song Bad Apple!! which got remixed by nomico and memed half to death.

Its pretty good, albeit still rough around the edges and missing the sort of spark thats found in later entries.

Touhou 5 - Mystic Square

Mystic Square is where we settle in, playing identical to LLS, which means theres not much to talk about. there are 2 more playable characters than LLS, with both Mima and Yuuka. Mystic Square also includes the 4th and final PC98 character to get remade later in the Windows canon, Alice Margatroid. besides the name and the blonde hair though theres pretty much nothing connecting the two Alices together. if you liked Lotus Land Story you'll probably like this too, i dunno.

alrighty with all those games out of the way its time to talk about the characters of note. and of course if theres one name thats synonymous with PC98 its...

Mima! appearing in four of the five games of this era, Mima is the most consistent character besides Reimu and Marisa, and yet she has never been seen since Mystic Square. this may be a hot take, but i think Mima is emblematic of a lot of the qualities of this era that make it hard to get into from a story perspective. for starters, Mima is incredibly inconsistent. She shows up 4 times and is basically a different character each time; being a random Hell boss in HRtP, a vengeful spirit bent on destroying all humanity (except Marisa i guess?) in SoEW, a woman of few words and a short temper in PoDD, and a snarky bully who tells blatant lies just to see how people react in MS. she also has a weird conceptual design and wack power scaling, being a ghost who was never alive, always been a ghost, who also for some reason has like dragon wings but only when she gets angry (Marisa also has these in PoDD which is really bizarre) and shes able to simply escape being magically sealed away as if she was cracking the seal on a pickle jar and casually beats up everyone in Mystic Square without even blinking. While i do like elements of her character (her lying bastard personality from MS is pretty funny and I see why people would want that back) i think its for the best that she stays in the PC98 era, the one seal she cannot break free of. If she were to come back, so much would have to be rewritten either of the world around her or Mima herself that she would basically be a different character entirely, which i think would cause way more drama than her return is worth.

moving on, lets talk about Genjii! this old fart is basically Reimu's grandpa who is also a magical flying turtle. since Reimu doesnt know how to fly in these games, her pops Genjii gives her a ride whenever she needs to go solve an incident. He also acts as a straight-man to Reimu's comedy in her storylines, often questioning the bizarre things that she says or weird noises she makes. he's just a funny turtle grandpa and i'm here for it. while Genjii has never officially appeared in a game in the Windows era, ZUN has stated that the reason is that he's just enjoying his retirement. Reimu can fly on her own now, so he's just resting in the pond out behind the shrine, doing whatever it is grandpa turtles do in their free time. good for him :>

the last character spotlight is for Meira! she's a cool samurai lady from stage 2 of SoEW who was also Reimu's gay awakening :P (for context, Meira and Reimu's pre-battle conversation is a bit where Meira claims to seek the Hakurei Maiden [for her power] but Reimu assumes that Meira's hitting on her. After clarifying that Meira wants to fight Reimu and take her power after winning, Reimu counter-offers by implying that she'll take Meira as her girlfriend if she wins.) this was almost certainly just intended as a joke, but considering that Touhou Project is basically a yuri wonderland its very funny to see gay implications in literally the second spoken conversation in the entire series. besides that, Meira also has cool attacks utilizing her sword where she makes huge slashes in the air that explode into bullets after a second, which were probably inspiration for Youmu's sick swordplay five games later.

and thats the PC98 era! with these games under my belt ive now played each whole-numbered entry in the series, woo~! so having played them all, what are my thoughts on the origins of Touhou?

i'll start by clarifying that i am generally not a 'Retro Gamer'. while i acknowledge the importance of early entries into series, they are very frequently rough, unpolished, or just straight up unfun because the devs are still working out the kinks on how they want the series to go. this is doubly so for games from this pre-2000s era, where game design in general was still a new concept and most games were working off arcade standards of high difficulty to steal quarters. early Touhou is not exempt from this, these games are missing a lot of features added later that make the games more fun, and the difficulty is much higher with a lot more 'bullshit' design like bullets that spawn on your character or a lack of proper resources given on respawn leading to a cycle of death.

all said, i cant say i really enjoyed my time with the PC98 titles. you may have noticed that i didn't mention 1cc runs so far in this article, and the reason for that is i couldnt find the motivation to keep trying for more runs like i did with the future games. mix that in with the bizarre, nonsensical, and often self-contradictory writing and you have a recipe for mediocrity. PoDD in particular is an absolute dearth of writing and worldbuilding. most character interactoins are like one sentence long, and the plot involves two scientists on a "Probability Space Hypervessel" who somehow invited in the characters from Gensokyo to the real world so that they could capture them and steal their magic for clout. In Marisa's route after she beats them up they give her a weapon as a reward which is a ICBM with a smiley face that Marisa names Mimi-chan and rides around instead of her broom. like its all so ridiculous you can just tell that these were like student projects done by a dude in his free time and not a serious attempt at making a world or story.

overall i just really have trouble finding passion for these titles compared to the later entries, to the point that i had to shove all 5 of these games into a single article and its about as much writing as Subterranean Animism alone. im sorry if youre a big PC98 and/or Mima enjoyer but theyre not for me, and i have to say im glad that Touhou moved on and evolved past this point.

thank you for reading, and i'll see you next time, whenever that is!

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: Inception

Today I'm writing about a movie that's a bit outside of my regular wheelhouse. Inception is not my favorite movie, it probably doesn't even get on the Top 10 shortlist if I'm honest, but it's probably one of my favorite movies ever to think about for a couple of reasons that I suspect are a bit unusual. This is all to say I'm going to go a bit deeper into Film Nerd mode than usual for this one. I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry. Inception spoilers beneath the cut.

So, to start off, I'm not particularly fond of Nolan as a filmmaker. He's extremely gifted on the technical side of filmmaking for sure, and his authorial voice is very strong. That said, his oeuvre seems entirely too cold and clinical to me. Sharp suits, sharp men, complex plans that pivot on perfect twists, near-realistic aesthetics. If there are any emotions involved it's what's ruining everybody's shit. Sometimes, Batman is there. You know, the whole bag.

Nolan makes complex clockwork movies that frequently fuck with time in an interesting way, but there's an emotional distance, or perhaps I should say "distance from emotion" to the whole thing which makes very few of them stick in any meaningful way. For example: I remember Dunkirk being a technically impressive movie that did some spicy things what narrative pacing is considered, but I couldn't tell you a single thing about who it was about, or even what those spicy narrative decisions were in service of.

There is, however, one notable exception. In his 2010 movie Inception, Nolan assembles one of, if not the most complex mechanism yet, and somehow it manages to be his most emotionally honest film. It's quite the impressive magic trick, and I would argue he achieves it by reaching a level of emotional honesty that one seldom sees from mainstream filmmakers.

Inception is a film about a crew of exceptional thieves specializing in cracking the final vault, the human mind. Using technology that lets them enter the dreams of their targets, they seek to extract company secrets, classified intel, and other pieces of knowledge that can most easily be hidden in memory. However, their troubled leader Cobb finds himself compelled to attempt a job thought impossible, Inception. Their mission is to plant in the mind of energy company heir Robert Fischer the idea of breaking up his company through a dream heist. This heist is complicated not only by the sheer deftness the crew must show in planting an idea without leaving any trace, but also by Cobb's own psychological scars that threaten to destabilize the carefully planned multi-level heist.

The first level I want to look at here is the central metaphor of the Mind Heist gang being analogous to a filmmaking crew. They're all creative and immensely focused people coming together under the direction of a man with a vision, Cobb. This description is perhaps a bit over-general, but what elevates the Filmmaking-as-heist idea to me is how the heists in Inception are specifically about creating a narrative. It is especially important with the main heist as creating a narrative in the head of the target is part and parcel of the inception, but even in the other heist we get to see, setting up a narrative is pivotal to stealing the information they're looking for.

As an aside, this narrative-making and the need for realism that comes with it also justifies what I consider to be my main sticking point with the film, in that the dreams are so very true to life and low-tech, while dreams in my experience tend to be strange, surreal and malleable experiences. This explains at least from the Watsonian perspective. From a Doylist point of view, it's more likely because Nolan is most comfortable with a near-realistic style of narrative, and this strict adherence to something approaching the realitylike makes his complex drama puzzleboxes easier to follow.

So, the heist crew are, essentially, filmmakers, which would, at least in today's Western film tradition, would make Cobb the director. In much the same way as Roy Neary in Close Encounters Of The Third Kind can be read as a stand-in for director Steven Spielberg, Cobb functions as our Nolan stand-in for Inception. Cobb is, however, far from a blank slate, or frankly a particularly idolized self. He is, in short, a mess.

After going deeper into the world of dreaming than anyone before him, Cobb has crossed some ethical Rubicons, especially when attempting to deal with his now-dead wife Mal and her reluctance to leave the world of dreaming. After performing the first-ever inception to plant the idea in Mal's head that the dream world is, indeed, not the real world, Cobb finds himself constantly troubled by anxiety as to whether he's asleep or awake. Whether this is a direct consequence or reaction to the act of inception, paranoia stemming from such a perspective-shifting thing even being possible, a manifestation of the guilt he feels over Mal's return to the waking world ending with her suicide, or even a sign that Mal did some incepting of her own, is something we can only speculate on.

Regardless of what exactly is eating Cobb, it manifests in his work. The heist crew frequently finds their efforts frustrated by incursions from Cobb's mind. The most common of these is Mal, or at least Cobb's mental recreation of her, throwing a wrench in their plans, and, in one particularly memorable case, a freight train running through an area a freight train really has no business being. Cobb tries to minimize the risk of this by not taking point and not being too directly involved, but this does little to dissuade his cocktail of trauma and troubled emotions from coming damn close to upending the entire thing.

The heist, however, does succeed. Through a series of bluffs and maneuvers, they manage to navigate Fischer Jr. to what he believes to be the deepest corner of his mind, where lies the comprehension, represented by a deathbed conversation with the man. Through this, Fischer realizes his recently departed father wishes for Robert to break up the energy conglomerate Fischer Sr. built, and instead make something for himself. It's a scene of high drama, and no small amount of catharsis as the troubled Robert realizes his father was never disappointed in him, and merely wanted his boy to be the best version of himself he could be. It's quite stirring stuff.

It is, however, a lie. This isn't Fischer Sr. revealing himself to be a caring father with trouble communicating the same, hell, it isn't even Robert's interpretation of the man. It is a scenario set up by the dream heist team with the express intention of making the dreaming Fischer Jr. believe this was his unconscious mind telling him to break up his energy conglomerate. It isn't Fischer Sr., not even as an imperfect mental construct by Fischer Jr., it's a construction of the heist crew. It's an act of manipulation, a triumphant act of manipulation, yes, but an act of manipulation all the same.

And still, even upon rewatching the movie with this knowledge well in hand, it's hard to not be swept along by the sheer force of emotion in that moment. Part of it is because it feels so necessary for the character. Fischer Jr. isn't just a target in the context of the scene, he's a troubled man with a complicated relationship to his father. He needs to settle his self-doubt and dismay with the stern and aloof parent he grew up with, and after his death, he still needs the catharsis. So in a way, it doesn't matter much that Fischer Sr. isn't the real deal, Fischer Jr. knows he's in a dream at this point, hell, it maybe doesn't even matter if the dream construct isn't his own. Perhaps what the dream-construct father says is what the wayward son needs to hear, although it'll certainly change the energy market in some pretty dramatic ways. Perhaps, or perhaps Cobb has become such a skilled manipulator his reach extends to the audience, but returning to our metaphor of Cobb as a Nolan stand-in, what is filmmaking if not manipulating and eliciting emotional reactions?

To further reinforce the point that this cathartic, but fake, heart-to-heart isn't the climax of the story, Cobb's journey isn't done. In the process of doing something thought impossible for the second time, Cobb is forced to do something impossible yet again, parallel to Fischer's revelation. This time, it is to dive deeper into the layered dreaming still in pursuit of his exit strategy, to the unconscious, chaotic under-realm of Limbo, from which there is no waking. This was from whence he managed to rescue himself and Mal back after the first inception, and although it is far from pleasant, he yet again manages to pull through and emerge from the dream.

Or does he? The movie does play with the possibility that the reality that Cobb emerges into is merely another dream in Limbo. It could be because of this the cinematography gets somewhat less focused as the heist concludes and Cobb finds his highest wish fulfilled, exoneration both in the eyes of the law and himself from any wrongdoing in Mal's death and the opportunity to return to his children.

Now, before I bring this all home, I feel I should speak briefly on Totems in Inception. The Totem is a series of different objects made by the various members of the heist crew. These items, Cobb's is a spinning top, are modified by each individual member and is only to be handled by them. The logic here is that these items are supposed to be a way to check whether you're in somebody else's dream, as you can check the object and how it interacts with the world to verify that it's doing what it's supposed to do, the weighted die falls to the number it's supposed to, the spinning top spins out and tips over like you'd expect it to. Throughout the movie, Cobb has a spinning top he checks regularly, some would say with obsessively, only feeling fully safe once the top tips over.

This is all to explain the lead-up to the final moment of the movie. Cobb, true to his habit, spins his top before meeting his children. He does, however, not wait for it to tip over, and instead goes to meet his children. The camera remains on the top, and moments before it becomes clear whether the top will fall over or continue, the movie cuts to credits.

Many have taken this as a challenge of sorts, a call to action to analyze the logic and events of the movie for signs. Is this a movie about a man succeeding or about a man succumbing? Is what we see in the closing minutes of the movie real, or is it a comfortable lie Limbo has formed around Cobb like it once did around him and Mal?

Personally, I say it does not matter. The story of Cobb ends with him leaving behind his totem for a reason. He has rid himself of the fear that has plagued him since emerging from Limbo and Mal's death. What if it was Mal who was right, and the quote-unquote real world was nothing more than a particularly elaborate Limbo dream. What if he never incepted anything, what if he's still dreaming within dreaming, stuck in a holding pattern until the impossibly long dream ends, his mind rent asunder by experiencing more time and place than a human mind is meant to bear. What if the top never stops spinning?

As my sequence of retelling might imply, I believe it was experiencing the inception scene with Fischer that helped Cobb clear the final hurdle and face his fears. Even if what Fischer experienced wasn't real, it had a powerful, arguably positive effect on the man. It gave him something he'd never get in the real world, closure. It wasn't real, but it was real enough.

So that is, I believe, what we're meant to take from that spinning top. The point isn't whether the top has stopped spinning or not, but rather that Cobb has stopped checking. Spin or not, Cobb's journey is not real. It's a movie, told by a crew of talented creatives, guided by a man with a vision and the willingness to show us things that aren't real to give us catharsis, show us wonder and terror, entertain us, and perhaps, give us some closure. "Try not to dwell on it," the movie says, as if aware of the deluge of movie buffs and wannabe theorists that would descend on this movie like they do on every movie with their red circles and reading metaphors as mechanics, "Even if it's fake, it's Real Enough."