#even if i resented that he was here and not cordelia

[elviriel]

nobody asked but having seen the whole show, my least version of sp*ffy, BY FAR, is season 7. season 7 sp*ffy is unbearable to me in ways i can't unpack i just hate it, i hate it so much

[fortisseto]

I enjoy projecting onto different Falsettos characters like there is no tomorrow (within reason), but my most favourite thing to ponder is Jason's entire life up until we saw the story end!

- Kids who resent their parents tend to hate any and all associations with them (me), but Jason looks like Marvin. Acts like Marvin. Could grow into Marvin. That's a scary thought considering how Trina and Jason had been afraid of Marvin for so long, and he doesn't want to turn out like the asshole his father was or be in pain like his mother was. What do we do? Distance. Create distance. Don't look into the eyes you share with the monster, because that is where you will see the monster in its truth.

- Bouncing off of that, I wonder how many nights Marvin spent away where Trina would look at Jason and pretend to see Marvin sitting in that chair with just the attributes of his face. probablyyy the pain doubling down with the fact that she and Marvin made him together, so she has to see herself in him too. No matter what beautiful traits he takes from her, they won't seem as pretty in the moment.

- The way Whizzer serves as Jason's friend as well as his father's. Jason is very asocial and didn't make much of any friends, and this is something I mentioned in my fic, so I'll do it here- part of Jason's Immaturity, I feel, comes from seeing his parents as friends more than mother and father (to define "friend" and "parent," especially as an autistic person, is incredibly difficult). To Jason, Marvin is kind of like a pen-pal or a long distance relationship: there's still some kind of barrier between you no matter how "into" each other's lives you are. Jason is immature (obviously), so his perception is closer to "so why can't you just close the distance?" But, Jason doesn't want anything to do with his father once he tries waltzing back into his life when he didn't have anything else. I don't even exactly know what friend I'd define Trina as, but even including Mendel and Cordelia and Dr Charlotte, they all seem to be friends before they're much of anything else. That's because they're all strange as fucking hell

At like, ten/eleven years old, you shouldn't have a reason to think about it so large scale, but Jason was presented his affair with Whizzer at that time, and that will always be the age where one starts to question just about everything. That's what our formative years are for. Out of all social relationships, the one man he continuously chooses to be friends with is his father's own ex-lover. I sometimes wonder what makes Whizzer his best friend? Well, friends are chosen, not premade. However, as a ten year old boy, that isn't something you ponder. regardless, "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" for a reason, and no matter how many friends Jason has, Whizzer was the first that wasn't made by his mother or father for him.

Long story short, stone me in the town square if I'm wrong. I should go rewatch Falsettos before I drown in the sea odnmy own obsession

[coraniaid]

Character asks:

Xander, 1 and 21.

1 Why do you like or dislike this character?

Going to focus on the why part and avoid coming to a firm conclusion about the implicit binary choice.

Season 5's The Replacement posits that there are two Xanders -- one suave and self-confident, one a bumbling walking punchline -- before revealing that both of these Xanders are equally real and exist as aspects of the true and singular Xander, with neither having primacy over the other. However, while there are indeed two diametrically opposed versions of Xander Harris, real fans of the show know that they don't exactly correspond to what the show suggests here. The true distinction is between, on the one hand, the Xander who grows up miserable and alone in an abusive household and is determined not to become his father and who loves and supports his friends unconditionally and is maybe/probably/definitely bi but doesn't seem to realize it yet and, on the other hand, the Xander who makes frequent gross sexual comments about all the women he knows and visibly and bitterly resents the ways they outshine him and who considers it his moral duty to give them terrible, patronising, unsolicitied advice about their personal lives whenever he can.

As in The Replacement, both versions of the character have equal claim to be the 'real' Xander. The much more irritating one is perhaps more present in the early seasons (especially when the writers genuinely seem to be trying to set him up in an actual love triangle with Buffy herself, but also throughout much of his 'romance' with Cordelia) but he never really goes away, even after the writers started trying to find new things to do with his character from The Zeppo onwards. He shows up in Season 5 to explain to Buffy how it's all her fault that her boyfriend metaphorically cheated on her while she was selfishly worrying about her sick mother and he's actually a really great guy Buffy never properly appreciated (he doesn't say "can I have sex with Riley too?" in this episode, but he might as well have done); he shows up in Season 6 to sulk about the fact that the woman he left at the altar dared to sleep with somebody who wasn't him and how much she "disgusts" him as a result; he shows up in Season 7 to help kick Buffy out of her own house.

But, equally, the sympathetic, loyal and, yes, even heroic Xander isn't just some post hoc fandom creation either. There are hints even earlier, but Season 3 and especially Season 4 really do make it clear that Xander's home life is horrific. He does risk his life to save Buffy's in Prophecy Girl, even when Angel wouldn't, even after Buffy had been clear she didn't reciprocate his feelings toward her. He does eventually admit to some of his worst behaviour (his jealousy about Angel, his betrayal of Cordelia). His treatment of Anya, while horrible, really does make sense as an attempt to do the right thing for somebody he cares about by somebody almost utterly consumed by self-loathing.

His speech to Buffy in the second half of The Freshman ("when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared [...] I always ask: what would Buffy do? You're my hero.") is, despite what he says immediately afterwards, genuinely touching. The way that, in The Replacement, even the cowardly incompetent side of Xander is willing to risk his life to protect Anya from what he thinks is a demon is honestly kind of sweet. His speech to Willow at the end of Season 6's Grave ("I'm not joking [...] I can't imagine the pain you're in [...] You're Willow [...] I love you") and to his speech to Dawn in Season 7's Potential ("You gave her your power [...] You're not special. You're extraordinary") both feel like genuinely well-earned moments in light of everything we've seen of Xander so far.

The fundamental tension inherent to Xander is that he doesn't smoothly and effortlessly develop from one version of the character to the other. It's not as simple as the grating Xander from the early seasons "getting better". Both sides of his character are present -- and either side can be dominant -- from the very beginning of the show and right until the end.

21 If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Well, I am a fic writer and I have, technically, written for this character (he is the POV character for one fairly short chapter of Coexist.) I think he is a very hard character to write well (especially in the high school seasons) and I'm not at all sure I managed.

Honestly, I think well-written fanfic takes on Xander that actually treat him seriously as a character are incredibly rare. (Off the top of my head I can think of exactly one example. I'm sure there are others -- and I'm sure part of the issue is that I only really read a particular subset of Buffy fanfic -- but I doubt there are many others.)

I think a lot of fanfic writers really just don't like Xander at all (and so only write the horrible Xander, if that, and only so they can have the characters they like call him out on his worst behaviour), whereas other writers lean too heavily into the sympathetic Xander (and either have him explicitly realize and denounce his own poor behaviour early on or just write a meek and mild 'Xander' who just needs a hug and who has never even thought about saying anything inappropriate to any woman ever, which ... well, that's not the character that appears on screen, is it?).

I think the trick to writing Xander well, such as it is -- and the approach I tried to take myself -- is to try to treat him as sympathetically as possible without pretending he isn't often prone to jealousy and making mean-spirited comments, that he isn't a bit of a massive hypocrite at times and that he doesn't often say "funny" things that aren't when he shouldn't. That's harder than just playing up the angle that Xander's parents are awful and he's trying his best and suggesting he'd be much happier if he just followed Anya's advice to Buffy and found a "nice, boring, boyfriend", but I think if you don't try you're not writing a sympathetic version of Xander Harris so much as you're creating a whole new character.

Yes, Xander (mostly) is trying his best, and his parents (especially his father) are awful, but very often Xander's best is far from good enough. He will say awful things sometimes and he probably won't apologize for it, even if he does secretly feel ashamed by it. You have to try to write both versions of Xander -- both the one that makes sense as one of Buffy and Willow's best friends and the one who really doesn't seem to have anything in common with them at all -- if you're going to write the Xander.

That being said, the absolute worst thing you can do to Xander is give him magical powers or superhuman fighting skills so he can Help Buffy Patrol. That's not who he is! That's not true to either version of the character!

(... sorry, I lied. That's the second worst thing you can do to Xander. The actual worst thing is what the comics do with him and Dawn. No super-powered fantasy fanfic could be more horrible and ill-advised than that.)

[butchhamlet]

what are your favourite things about king lear? also do you know any really good productions that i can watch online for free? asking because i didn’t really like king lear when i read it (except for edmund. i love edmund) and knowing why other people like it might let me look at it from a different angle. because i know it’s objectively a good play, and there’s a 50% chance of me having to study it next year so i want to like it

so i started writing a response to this ask and then paused to plot out my points (as if writing a goddamn essay) and then i looked at my points and i had written

fucked-up families

apocalypse vibes

women are hot

which. yeah, that's it, isn't it

anyway, to elaborate on that: i will admit that some of this is just personal preference, because i love stories about complicated nuclear-waste-toxic family dynamics, and lear is, like, one of the original Nuclear Waste Family Dynamic plays. (so is the oreisteia, incidentally.) what gets me specifically is that this is a play about power, yeah, but also about love: everybody in lear wants love, and nobody is getting enough of it. and the dynamics of the two families here get immediately more interesting if this isn't JUST a who-inherits-the-throne thing. edmund wants political sway, yeah, but maybe he also wants to be seen as more than a bastard. goneril kills her sister out of jealousy, yeah, but also, has she ever had a person care about her like edmund? (does he care about her? how much of the love triangle is about love vs lust vs calculation? these are questions that could be answered a thousand ways.)

i also read this play counter to old white guy traditional scholarship because i think lear (the guy) sucks. sorry. i think he sucks. i think he's terrifying and tyrannical and his daughters can do whatever they want (imo, his main problem is trying to apply his political power to his personal relationships, and that's not something caused by his senility. goneril and regan state at the end of 1.1 that, while he's going off the deep end a little more these days, "the best and soundest of his time hath been but rash." this guy has always sucked). speaking of goneril and regan, they're not evil hags--they're women trying to live with an unpredictable father, as well as trying to retain the little power they have in a male-dominated world. (notably, regan's husband is on her team, while goneril's isn't, and lear seems to have a lot of hatred for goneril specifically. which colors how both of them interact with power, edmund, and each other.)

i could actually talk about lear family dynamics forever (do cordelia's sisters love her, resent her, or both? how does edgar feel about edmund? how does edmund feel about edgar, for that matter? does he feel guilty at all for doing what he does? does edgar feel guilty about killing him? is the relationship between lear and gloucester entirely professional, or are they friends? can lear even have friends when he sees everything as some sort of zero-sum power love game? is kent gay for lear? <- yes) but i won't. because i have another point to make!

which is that it's somewhat comforting to me, in an era of [gestures at the news and broad state of the world], to read a play where people are like "holy fuck the world's going to shit and all the rules of society are inverted!" i read lear for the first time during pandemic quarantine, so. it felt fitting. your mileage may vary here (maybe you prefer escapism), but i think one could draw a lot of parallels between lear and [gestures out the window again]. this play is bleak in a way that few other shakespeare plays are bleak. (maybe timon of athens.) it's set in pre-christian britain, and the gods are invoked, but they're not really present. no one who appeals to higher powers ever seems to get any help or even comfort. and the original story of king leir didn't end Like That. shakespeare decided his play was going to end with the emotional equivalent of getting bricked in the face. cordelia's death doesn't mean anything at all! it didn't have to happen! edmund tried to stop it! she doesn't die in the original myth! and yet we're left with this horrifying apocalyptic last scene, where all the struggles for love and power come to almost nothing. maybe, if one is concerned about current events, this would make one feel worse. but i fucking love tragic catharsis and i feel bleak about the modern world so this horrible upsetting play is quite close to my heart <3

finally: i've already touched on Hot Women, but . i am a simple butch. i think goneril and regan are soooooo sexy. i love when women are mean and ruthless. i love when women kill with swords. i think conflating the two of them/treating them like two halves of the same Evil Daughter Character is a cardinal sin of shakespeare studies; you have to be reading with your eyes shut not to note stuff like regan's desire to outdo goneril, goneril's comparative lack of fulfilling relationships (re: lear fucking hates her and her husband sucks), or the differences in their dynamic with edmund (regan is still mourning cornwall at this point--does she love edmund at all, or is she just playing the political long game?). and cordelia, too, is more than just the Angelic Good Daughter; she's on stage much less frequently, but she shows a stubborn virtue that honestly borders on naivete and maybe an inclination toward martyrdom. how does she feel about her father? does she really forgive him? how does she feel about her sisters, for that matter? i'm not saying this play is, like, the most feminist shakespeare play ever written; i just really love the lear sisters.

other misc stuff: the themes are tasty! look at the authoritarianism! (is it right for one man to have this much power? see that line about the king being a wheel rolling down a hill destroying everything in his path as he destroys himself, or whatever). look at the gender dynamics! (goneril's dominance over albany and edmund in turn; the question of her womb; the mutual violence of regan and cornwall; cordelia leading an army.) look at the debate about fate and predestination! (#redditatheist edmund i love you). ++ the fact that it's set in some kind of nebulous unclear time period and the fool sings about merlin who wasn't even alive yet. i just think it's neat <3

as far as productions, i have a friend who swears by the bob jones university prod, though i haven't seen it in full (hi @lizardrosen :D). i also hav NTLive and RSC lears somewhere, i think, but shhhhh don't tell

i'd apologize for this ask being this long, but when my parents asked me to explain the plot of lear to them in 2020 i talked for 25 minutes so i guess we're all getting off lucky here

[space-spring]

I reblogged that post the other day about never finishing video games and it made me stop and think hard about my life and the fact that. oh my god....... I really DO never finish video games........... So I have changed my ways by finishing up Chapter 4 and the ending of Chaos route for Tactics Ogre! Tons of endgame spoilers ahead but here are my bullet-pointed highlights:

My guy Azelstan the pirate! I love him. His whole arc with losing his daughter reminded me a little of Svarog and Hossabara from Triangle Strategy (albeit with substantially more nihilism!), and finding him at the port and then going through the story with the girl he takes under his wing made me die a little inside.

I do really appreciate the fact that even once he joins you he's still a little bit of a mess! I feel like a lot of the characters join Denam out of anger or honor or something else equally passionate, and meanwhile Azelstan's out here going "I've lost everything I love and this is just a decent way to try and make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else." He's simply a very sad old man and I love him a lot

This is not a highlight per se but it IS funny: I had to play the whole pirate cove dungeon where you recruit him like three or four times because I kept thinking I had the recruitment conditions fulfilled and then. did not in fact have the recruitment conditions fulfilled. I killed SO many ghosts. I got to the point where I just bought like 30 exorcism arcanas before going in so I could just have anyone regardless of cleric status blast the stilled undead whenever I needed to

AUGHKDHJSHDGHJJS. I am. SO unwell about the Sherri recruitment scene. I cannot express just how much I am unwell about the Sherri recruitment scene. All the Phoraena sisters really are so cool and good and I spontaneously combust whenever they come on screen but this scene is just AUUUUUGH........ It kills me thinking about how long Sherri's been hiding out because she doesn't think anyone will welcome her back and meanwhile her sisters just!!! love her so much!!!!!!!!!! and SHE loves THEM so much!!!!!! it just makes me go woaugh..........

I also just replayed some of the earlier chapters with Cerya and Cistina to test out the endgame rewind feature, and I take back my little chart I made of them a while back where they're arguing over clothes and things. All of the sisters are defined first and foremost by Being Willing To Sacrifice Everything For Each Other and I love them so much about it

And in addition to all the Phoraena sister dynamics, looking at this scene through the perspective of Denam ALSO having a sister who's keeping herself apart because she feels unloved is so. wowowowow

And on that note Denam and Catiua are rotating around in my head 24/7!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really so in love with how far the writers went with their argument and fallout and also insane about the bad ending in this scenario because AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!?!?!?! and also I'm just a sucker for guilt arcs and having to live with mistakes even when it'd be easier not to. Catiua's absolutely insane (affectionate) and I think it's so fun how she changes things around and really comes into her own after this.

Also I really really love that the two of them got to have such a narratively clear conversation about everything that went down!!!!! This is a complete tangent but I sometimes kind of go insane over the fact that in Triangle Strategy we really don't get to see a ton of Roland and Cordelia after they reunite and Whiteholm is retaken. They have. so many things to talk about, and Cordelia has more than a few valid reasons to feel resentment toward Roland for the way he handled retaking Whiteholm. The closest they come to really talking about how they feel is that scene where they're standing in the garden and Roland's trying to explain why he killed Avlora and Cordelia just kinda quietly goes, "I know. I get it. I can't blame you." And while that scene is fun in its own "this bad boy can fit SO many emotionally traumatized Cordelia headcanons in it" sort of way, it's also so so so nice to see Denam and Catiua do the opposite and actually sit down and hash it out for a bit. They get to talk about why they're angry!!! They both get to explain themselves and then reassure each other that they're still loved!!!! They get to be genuinely close again and work as a team!!!!! and I love that for them :)

Also with comparisons to Cordelia, Catiua very distinctly doesn't get sidelined after Denam rescues her!!!! She's an active participant in the war and really takes charge over Denam, which is very neat imo, and I love getting to see her coronation and speech at the end

THIS ATTACK SPECIFICALLY. The whole final boss was so cool but I actually gasped and sat back when I saw this, it was just so so different than any of the other graphics in the game and it made me go nuts

AAAAOAUGH GHAGHG

The credits are really pretty :)

RHCKCHHGLGLRLRLAHHJG I am once again foaming at the mouth about the way the game blends game mechanics and story this is SUCH a fun explanation for how the whole world tarot system works and also I am absolutely gutted by the idea of Denam doing this canonically because he can't stand the regret of the choices he's had to make. I feel like Denam's guilt over the entire conflict isn't explicitly mentioned a ton (he actively makes a lot of comments to the effect of "I'm doing what my honor dictates and I have nothing to be ashamed of") and then every once in a while the game comes back and slaps you with stuff like this. Like hey. hey. yasumi matsuno. can we talk? I jst wantto talkk

Also all the endgame content is SO GOOD. I'm starting to move over to Reborn because I want to experience all the voice acting and stuff over on that version, but it's also so hard to leave my team and all the cool stuff I've unlocked. I need to read up on it more but I'm 90% sure you can recruit Lancelot and Warren if you do the Palace of the Dead stuff which I avoided in Chapter 4, so I'm tempted to go back and do that on there sometime. Or mayhaps I'll just play it through on Reborn once I get through Lawful and Neutral!

But yeah!!! Overall, such a fun route and a fun game and a fun ending :) I do feel like I want to come back to Chaos route once I've finished the other two, because I miss Vyce and the role-playing part of my RPG-obsessed brain really wants him to survive the canon-ish ending because I think there's a ton of things from the beginning of the route that I'll think differently on now that I've finished (like all of the stuff building up to Vyce going nuts and Catiua leaving).

[the-gayest-show]

Through the Looking Back Glass Thoughts/Analysis

I LOVED this episode. It was very endearing and honestly heartwarming (near the end that is) and overall one of my top episodes in the series!

First off, Sofia leaning on Cedric for help with homework is so fucking CUTE. Their dynamic makes me jump up for joy, and Sofia really trusts HIM to get the job done 🥺 Even when Cordelia appears and offers to help, Sofia is still adamant to only have Cedric do it 🥺🥺🥺🥺

It's a small detail, but I think Cedric's pose changes slightly when his sister is around? Like, he's got that hunch back pose that he had in earlier seasons when she's there, it's crazy. There's probably more screenshots I could gather on this but yeah.

The song that comes up in this scene.... mmmm art. Here's me ranting about it.

I think the saddest part of the episode is really seeing Cedric and Cordelia's past dynamic because I genuinely loved it? Like. When they hugged here it was so heartwarming. The nicknames (Cordy, Ceddy) were so cute as well, I guess when they don't use the nicknames in the beginning it's to show the deterioration of their relationship over time, and somewhere in the end of this episode, Cedric starts using the nickname Cordy again which really cements the mending of the relationship. (I did get taken off guard when Cordelia called him Ceddy in the flashback bc I've always associated it with Calista. Maybe Cordelia said it around Calista and she picked it up? IDK)

Cedric is also shown to be really good at magic here. Bro did a spell that was apparently "too advanced" or something? And let's not even begin to discuss the lore implication for WANDLESS MAGIC. BRO TRIED TO REVERSE A SPELL WITH HIS BARE HANDS. THIS MAKES ALREADY INTERESTING STF LORE MUCH MORE INTERESTING.

I find it so interesting that the incident (despite having no known cause at the time) was quite literally blamed on Cedric almost immediately and everyone went with it? Like Cordelia shouts "he ruined it" and no one questions this??? Not even Cedric fending for himself worked? Whoever said in a Tumblr post that this implies that Cedric was treated like some kind of bungler/looked down upon even before this is probably right. Because why else is it just normal for everyone to jump to this conclusion? His parents don't do SHIT about it, and I'm assuming that Goodwyn holds this grudge too (if eps like Mystic Meadows mean anything). Why are they holding onto this for so long? Literally I get holding a bit of resentment but everyone makes mistakes....

Idk this went off, but basically, oof living in your father's shadow was hard AF especially with one mistake people reference in your presence.

Despite this event happening over 30 years ago, it's still somehow the ONE thing people defined him for for years. This episode really further contextualizes his motivations for wanting to become king before season 4. Imagine being rejected from society for YEARS, being belittled and made fun of, people tearing you apart for a mistake you made when you were 9-10 YEARS OLD, it's crazy. 100% that took a toll on him, something you can see in this episode and literally most episodes. It's just really sad.

I'm glad that Sofia and Calista were able to help the both of them realize that it wasn't actually Cedric's fault (something Cordelia should've realized years ago, but seeing the event happen as it did was more a confirmation for Cedric than anything). Cordelia and Cedric forgiving each other was a bit too fast considering everything but I'm glad their relationship is mending.

Credit where credit is due, she sticks up for him after this and lets Cedric do his thing and lets him help Sofia without any ifs and buts, it's sweet.

Personally, I feel that Cedric and Cordelia probably still have a semi-strained relationship after this ep (your sister being the reason you were made fun of for years, and that reason wasn't even valid to begin with defo is not smth you can recover fast from in a 22 min episode)

Also, it's not hard to believe the circumstances wouldn't have changed if the incident were truly Cedric's fault, but Cordelia needed a wakeup call I guess, that works.

Want to mention King Roland for a second because dude. Why is your first reaction to blame Cedric (again), instead of the 2 other magic users in the room (ESPECIALLY THE CHILD. Look I'm a Calista fan thru and thru but logically the blame would be shifted there to an extent??)

King Roland I thought we were over with this since Day of the Sorcerers?? What happened to being NICER to Cedric and maybe NOT blaming him for every little thing? Idk that kinda pissed me off. The fact that Cordelia was the only thing stopping Roland from interrogating the guy... THIS BEHAVIOUR IS WHY CEDRIC TRIED TO TAKE OVER YOUR KINGDOM!!! ROLAND THE 2ND YOU IDIOT!!!

In conclusion, love me a character focused episode that develops a backstory as well as a slight resolution. 1000/10 would re-experience this again.

[wizling]

Hi, sorry I was going through your art tags and I've just gotta ask - what's the momswap au? it seems really neat!

hi, thank you for reading my blog!

I'm going back about a decade here but i will do my best to answer: it was a very loosely defined project to swap the stable parent of the awakening future kids to imagine how their lives would've been different that because I am who I am mostly exists as cynigowain shipping art. (cynigowain is VERY real in momswap and it's important)

for example, Nah in momswap au is Miriel's daughter. while Laurent is interested in extending and understanding Miriel's work by using scientific principles, Nah will only do the experiments her mother recorded exactly as they were written in her book, and really struggles when she finds out that Miriel was kind of making things up as she went along. Nah's coping method was to deify a loose collection of notes and believe it revealed a truth about the universe because Nah is kind of a teacher's pet at heart and she needed to believe that Miriel's notebook had some kind of authority because she didn't have Miriel around to teach her anything directly

Inigo in momswap is Cordelia's son, and he carries a lot of resentment towards his mother because she made everything look effortless while he had to try and still couldn't do what she did. while Olivia shared his shyness and insecurity and could commiserate and try to help him with it, Cordelia can't understand it at all, and is equally frustrated that her future son is a lazy useless flirt with no ambition.

Momswap Cynthia is Panne's daughter and she's reached the mistaken conclusion that because she's made it this far she won't ever die, because she's special. Panne is struggling to find a starting point for the reality check.

Owain as Nowi's son has all his chuuni suspicions confirmed and he's insufferable for it. he's disappointed that even after time travelling he can't find out much more about their great and noble dragon lineage and that his mother mostly wants to have fun instead of brood about their (obviously incredibly important) destiny

I had a full list of who went where at some point but all I can remember is that Kjelle was Chrom's daughter (which kind of worked, except Lucina is a very patient person who just doesn't like other women and Kjelle has no patience and hates all men), Laurent was Tharja's son/lab tech, Sumia had Noire i think? Noire had a lovely childhood at least

if i find the list it would be a fun project to draw them all out.....

[jennycalendar]

hello!!!! things to pontificate about. angel. i would just love to hear your thoughts about angel. and the rest of the fanged four. and know that im waiting for that jennyangel fic i really am. but yes! specifically i would love to hear any thoughts you have on the dynamic of jenny/angel/darla. because i think thats just. yeah. darla created angel and angel is such a huge part of jenny's life, and just. yeah. plus the attitude darla has about her soul is so different from angel's

ok so first of all this is such a hilarious question because -- i need you to know this -- i have a jenny/spike/drusilla vamp polycule fic in the works. so just the energy of you asking me about jenny + how she'd interact with the couple in the fanged four that i am NOT currently drafting a vamp polycule fic for is SOOOO FUNNY and also so wonderful bc it gives me an opportunity to really think here! i love you for this.

long wordy answers under the cut!

my thoughts on angel. hmm. i think i am mean to him a lot on this blog but i hope everyone here knows it's out of love. i think i want to see him and jenny have a Gothic Romance that is really fucked up. i think he and cordelia rewired my brain at 14 and i've never recovered -- there's no other love story with that specific friends-to-lovers energy in the buffyverse, and i LOVE that it grows out of the people we see them grow into! i love that btvs s1 angel and cordelia are not even remotely compatible long-term but ats angel and cordelia develop this incredible friendship that blossoms into a loving connection! and actually maybe a lot of this is just how i'm not normal about angel and cordelia, ever. i think angel on btvs and angel on ats are two different characters so when i'm beating angel on btvs over the head with a stick that has nothing to do with angel on ats and i hope we all know that. world's most favorite manpire. mr. dad. sings barry manilow and wants cordelia to say she loves him as a friend and colleague. is soooo normal.

i don't spend A Lot of time thinking about the fanged four simply because, again, not my circus not my monkeys, but i have a softness for them!!! spike i have mentioned i sorta steer clear of lately, but i would literally fucking kill a man for drusilla, who is done so dirty in canon and fanon alike, and i think all the time about jenny/drusilla because they would be so insanely obsessed with each other as vampires.

and darla...hmm. i have never quite felt like i know how to capture her voice in a way that's particularly nuanced, though that's never been a problem within my writing bc she really only cameos in, like, nocturne for two seconds? i think? i'm not usually writing things set in a time/place where darla would be around so she just kinda never shows up.

iiiii think jenny's take on darla would be one of just intense crushy interest, because darla holds absolute power over the man who has held absolute power over her. like there's something super aspirational about darla to jenny. darla meanwhile would probably initially harbor a lot of resentment towards jenny, but actually getting to know her would probably have her do a complete 180. (i think darla n drusilla would both be super fucking interested in jenny, who grew up in this family surrounded by every reason to hate them and still tried to find a way to forge her own path. they'd want her in the family.)

i also think though that IF turned, IN a situation where darla's still around, jenny and darla would be in a really intense competition for control of the family dynamic that would slowly but surely transition into a really intense romantic connection. so there would be a lot of Romantic Weirdness when it comes to jenny/angel/darla because both of them want his attention, and both of them want each other's attention, and both of them think that they should be the one in charge, and the entire time they're probably both having a lot of fun with it because it's a Sexy Slightly Violent Power Struggle. also angelus likes pretending that he has the capacity to put jenny in her place and jenny likes crushing him under her heel and darla really will look at that situation and go "that is 100 percent my baby girl" (and i do mean that in a sex way.) though i wonder if in this situation drusilla and jenny might have some weird vibes a la jenny and buffy? where there's a lot of similarities and so drusilla has some Older Sister resentment, because SHE had it hard, and now mom and dad know how to parent better and the baby is just getting SPOILED, and how is THAT fair?

[devinwolfi]

ohhhh my god ok pls keep in mind that i watched angel one (1) time ????? years ago (more than 10, time is fake, etc) and immediately turned off the tv at the end like “wow what the fuck was that. anyway” so lots of this may be misremembered or made up so please accept this salt shaker 🧂 and let’s fucking goooo

so this happened in one of the later seasons iirc? 4 maybe? anyway cordy and angel either had a big dramatic breakup or he cheated on her, i can’t remember. but either way he fucked (drum roll) darla??? yes that darla, his sire who for sure died in buffy s1, but we don’t deal in continuity here, this is angel. so she’s??? back??? somehow??? and they fuck which ok whatever except!!! she gets pregananant! which again, theoretically not possible, but this is basically fanfiction so what the fuck.

so she’s knocked up with her vampire zombie spawn thing, and i can’t remember if she sticks around for a bit while the baby cooks and ups the angst factor with cordelia? or it might just be a magical uncle ben’s 2 minute baby situation. either way she dies in childbirth (like she dusts out and there’s just?? an infant???) so angel is left to raise this monstrosity alone. sad.

but then! the babby! is…kidnapped. to hell, for some reason? unclear. so angel has to go to hell to get his child back, except OH NO time dilation shenanigans, the baby is all grown up now even though he was just born last week! he’s a moody teenager and angel is a deadbeat dad, oops

so he brings this understandably angsty and resentful teenage boy (i wanna say connor? don’t quote me) home to his weird bunker thing with all his monster hunting friends, which like. good job, a+ parenting. and it’s rough and the kid hates him for abandoning him in hell (fair) and it’s all very the first half of a steve martin movie where the divorced dad tries to bond with the kid he doesn’t know, yk?

but then. THEN. cordelia decides this is her moment. her friend/ex/whatever is struggling! he is trying to bond with his child! cordy can help! by….fucking him. yeah, she fucks this traumatized 16yo monster baby who was literally born last week, because that’s a responsible adult choice. reliving her queen of sunnydale high glory days??? literally who knows

and if you think that’s the worst bit about this nightmare plotline, strap in! we’re not done! guess who else gets pragnet? that’s right babeyyy, cordelia is having *checks notes* angel’s grandchild????

who turns out to be, i shit you not, gina torres. fully grown gina torres who is also god, for some reason? and this whole thing starting with darla mysteriously coming back from the dead all the way to connor being raised in hell (where angel couldn’t influence him to be uhhhhh a normal well adjusted child ig??? didn’t seem to be a huge risk all things considered but what do i know) was part of the great ineffable plan to get cordy to give birth to gina torres in white robes and return god to the world

except she turns out evil (obv) bc she’s like some alien thing idk and they have to kill her. but yeah. that’s the most fucked up thing i remember from angel? also the only thing rly. pretty sure cordelia and angel get back together in the end? there might be another love triangle with spike, which like, can a guy catch a break? goddamn

what in the twilightriverdalesupernatualvampirediaries

the only part of this that makes any sense is gina torres is god bc that just feels right

but seriously every modern monster show wishes they were buffy(& co(angel(through gritted teeth))) no one will ever have what they had

also assuming xander has been brutually killed by this point which, i hope so, i wonder how he feels about cordy and angel bc his type in women is women who are into angel

[lanayru-the-water-god]

Faron (Dweller-centric)

Cordelia must tell the injured four-year-old Dweller about the cost of Lanayru’s healing powers.

(Lanayru is ~700 years old, 10 years after A Waterdrop’s Awakening)

Word count: 937

check the tags before reading!

“Hold still, Faronie,” Cordelia orders as she presses a cold, damp cloth to his forehead. Faron lies on the floor in agony, blood seeping from his many wounds. Cordelia had closed the door to the room, leaving the two alone so she could treat him.

“Ow…ow ow ow…” Faron hisses in pain, his cries tearing into Cordelia’s heart. She secures a bandage over the wound, before moving to another one by his left shoulder. “Oof, that hurts…it hurts a lot…”

“I know it does, but please let me do this, ok?” Cordelia keeps her voice soft, close to a whisper. “It will be over before you know it.”

Lanayru had created Faron four mortal years ago, giving him the name Brook. His spunky, reckless personality drew Cordelia away from him; she even grew to resent him. But now she can’t help but feel sorry for the poor man, weak and injured, in a situation he wouldn’t even be in had he been careful.

Faron Brook is never careful.

“Auuuggghhhh…” he moans, as she presses on his shoulder in an effort to stop the bleeding. He reaches out a hand, stained with his own blood, to touch it, but she gently grabs his wrist.

“What about hold still do you not get, Faron?” she scolds, loosening her grip for him to put his hand back down. “I’m trying to help you here.”

Am I being too harsh? I’m so mean to him…

Cordelia shuts the inner voice out, instead focusing on the task at hand. Bandage up this wound, and then…She moves her gaze to the rest of his battered body. Oh, sweet Lanayru…With this much blood, this much physical pain, the amount of lucidity he has is surprising. The color is gone from his cheeks now; she fears that if she doesn’t do this quickly he will become delirious. Or perhaps even worse.

“I…can’t—ah!—I can’t do this…anymore…” Faron mumbles, eyes closed and brows knitted in pain. “La…Lana—“ He attempts to raise his voice. “Lanayru—“

Cordelia gasps, slapping a hand over his mouth. “Faron, don’t.” Her heart skips a beat as her words come out angry and firm. “Please don’t call Mother. Don’t you dare.”

Slowly she lifts her hand away and returns to her work. Through his closed eyes he cannot see her beady stare, but she hopes he can understand from her voice.

“Why…why not?”

“Because Lanayru will fucking kill herself to save you, that’s why! She’s done it with the mortals, and there is no doubt if she sees your bloody beat-up ass she will use all her power.” Cordelia pauses, waiting for Faron’s reaction; she had never told him this before. It has been ten years since the Goddess’s last sacrifice, longer than Faron has been around. “Your wounds are not fatal, Faronie, and I cannot go that long without her again, I can’t—“

She falls silent, patching up the next wound with careful hands now tinged with the other Dweller’s blood. None of them had meant to tell him about Lanayru’s Healing Grace, this is the worst possible time, but she knows she had to. He needs to understand why he can’t call Lanayru to his side.

“And you never thought—ack—to tell me?” Faron chokes out. “I didn’t know Mother could…die.”

“It’s only temporary, Faronie. But she remains unconscious for over a mortal month. I will not let her do this to heal you.” Her eyes go wide at her own words. “Shit, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. Just that, you’ll be fine, ok? You are not like the mortals she’s saved, you’re better off than they were.”

“But…it hurts…” Faron whines, “please…bring her in—“

“I will not. Lanayru must never know about this, until you are recovered enough to leave this room. I’m trying to protect her.”

Footsteps click against the floor of the hallway. Cordelia freezes.

Lanayru is here. Shit.

She puts a finger to Faron’s mouth, as he whimpers quietly. The footsteps approach and there is a soft knock on the door.

Don’t say a thing, she mouths to him.

“Faron, honey, are you okay in there?” Lanayru’s voice calls out. “We have dinner ready outside.”

She can’t come in here, she can’t fucking come in here. Okay, Cordelia, think-

“He’s, uh…he’s asleep,” she blurts out. “Hadn’t slept in a while, needed a long nap.”

A brief silence washes over the room, through the closed door.

“Oh, okay,” Lanayru replies. “I guess I shall let Faronie sleep, thanks for telling me.” The Goddess’s footsteps recede; she must not have felt the need to come in. Whew.

“Good lord,” Cordelia mumbles, pressing with the cloth. “Faron, you are such a pain. You would’ve gotten caught if I hadn’t saved your ass. And hers.”

The impatient Dweller finishes bandaging the current wound, moving on to one by Faron’s torso. Gosh, I still have a long way to go… The blood from lower abrasions has leaked onto the shiny tile floor.

“T-thanks…” he croaks, voice incredibly strained. “For, ah- for doing that.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice, you know.” She pauses, letting out a sigh. “And I’m sorry about the Lanayru thing. I hate that this has to be how you found out.”

“…’s okay,” Faron briefly glances at her with weary, bloodshot eyes, before closing them again with a groan.

“Just stay here, stay with me, and you’ll be better. You’re doing great, Faronie.”

She cleans the blood from his torso, slowly patching it up as he grunts in pain. Perhaps this will serve as a lesson for him to be more careful next time.

[cordelianewman]

Relationships were comprised of all different moments, and Cordelia always knew that sometimes, people fought or argued. After all, just because they were so in tune with each other a lot of the time, they were still two very separate individuals. It wasn't where Cage stopped, Cordelia began or the the other way around, which meant they still had moments that they probably were going to disagree. Maybe they had to find a healthier way to deal with said differences of opinions, because this wasn't going to be sustainable in the long run. It wasn't fair to Cage, it wasn't fair to Cordelia -- and it certainly wasn't fair to their children to have to deal with whiplash. Even though they had had different relationships, nothing had been like this -- like them when they were together. Now as adults, that meaning had become something else, something more intense, which was maybe why these intense conversations were happening. "To her you're always going to be the realest father figure she can have. Yes, she'll always have Tommy, and he's amazing with her, the best uncle, but you -- the only thing she knows you as is the man who shows up for her because he wants to, not because he has to." Of course she didn't call him dad or anything, since she really didn't know that word -- but it made no difference but the way he talked about her daughter made the feeling of butterflies fluttering in her stomach, almost skipping that he felt like they took up such a space in his life, in his heart like that. "Don't give me permission to do that, you know I will. And then I'll call a million times in a row to say something else and add it, you'll end up chucking your phone in the lake and then it'll be my fault you don't have a phone." A soft laugh leaving her lips. "I think she'll be happy to be here this weekend anyway, you know she loves it here." That wasn't to say she wasn't happy but a lot of her was driven by her daughters happiness.

"Since you're offering dessert then I will absolutely be there, early even." Another chuckle rolling from her lips. Especially since he was springing for both of them, but she was sure a lot of that had to do with knowing that she didn't share food the best -- let alone dessert. Did she know she had a lot to work on, of course, she was human. She wasn't perfect, she never wanted to be treated like she was. The last thing she wanted was for Cage to put her on some pedestal and have him think that only her thoughts, feelings, and emotions mattered. Nor did she expect that, but after years of only guarding her own from family, people she thought were friends, and at one point, part of a town, it wasn't an over night process. There was trepidation in her mind when he said nothing was off the table, because she wasn't even sure how to have these conversations. Maybe they really did need couple therapy, a way to be able to learn how to talk about the big things. Though there was part of her that didn't like divulging the private parts of her life that she had learned to keep up behind lock and key with a stranger. Maybe it wasn't logical to go from one extreme to another, from him not wanting children to him appeasing her and resenting them later, but it wasn't like she hadn't see that in life before. Truthfully, it was more he'd resent her, she was logical enough deep inside to know that Cage could never hate one of his own children. He wasn't her parents, she knew that, so it was still a lot to process. "I know deep down you could never resent your own children, I mean with everything -- " She was cut off at the words, her eyes flickering up to his when he said them. The three little words that she hadn't heard him say since the summer before senior year. The last time he had said them had always been the saddest 'I love you and goodbye' wrapped in one. This though, the emotion behind it, she knew he meant it with every fiber of his being, and she knew she had been longing to say it. The slip passed her lips had happened almost too many times but not wanting to cause ripples in the water with it being too soon -- when in reality they had been building to this for long over a year together. A soft lick of her lower lip before tugging it between her pearly white teeth, almost holding the smile that was cracking across her face, "I love you too, Cage." Almost more breathy than the air around them the words from her lips as she leaned into him and finally pressed her lips to his.

It had felt like things were unraveling. This time, last time, the times before, and Cage wasn't naïve enough to think that it wouldn't happen again, that there couldn't come a time where they fought, and fought hard, and spent nights apart, but he knew that the truth of it was that they loved harder than that, too. And that he had come to trust that, come to hold on to the fact that even if they didn't want to fight, they would at least fight for each other. "I think it's scariest when you've never really felt that way about someone else before," he offered as he watched her face. They had both been in relationships outside of each other -- Cordelia had a child with another man, Cage with another woman, not to mention a marriage under his belt, both of them had dated, had seen other people, but he would take the change of going out on a limb and saying that it just didn't compare. Not really. The small smile returned to his face when she talked about making up for lost time, how he made her feel like she could do anything, not realizing how much he had needed to hear those words, how much it meant to him to hear her say -- to him, not to friends, or her brother, or anyone else -- that he was good for her, the only thing that he had wanted to be… it felt good. He swallowed away the lingering hurt as she apologized for it, nodding his head softly, and reaching out to touch her chin with his free hand when she mentioned Rosalyn. "I really love her, Cor. I know she's not mine," yet, maybe, someday, another thing to talk about, "but when we're together, all of us, it feels like she is." And when she wasn't there, when they weren't together, then a piece of him felt like he was missing, and he hated that. "You can always call, always text, even if it's just to say, 'I hope you're okay, jerk,' and hang up," he let out a half laugh, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. When she agreed to say, he let his eyes close for a moment, leaning in to press a soft kiss to her forehead. "Thank you."

And then his eyes opened at the sound of her laugh, unable to stop his own from coming out, low and rumbling in his chest, "yeah, real romantic, I know." But they didn't need romance, they needed each other, routine, to spend time together again. He needed her. If that meant grabbing burgers after a doctor's appointment, then that's what they would do, one step at a time. "But I'll spring for dessert, one for each of us, figure we've earned it." That, and he knew his girlfriend. Cordelia didn't share desserts. His face sobered, then, as she talked about getting worked up about what he had said, nodding his head the tiniest bit, because her anger had surprised him, the way that she had wanted to dismiss it, rather than hear him out, but he understood. Walls went up fast when that was how you were used to handling yourself with others, and he wasn't all that different, at the end of the day. It was something they both had to learn, from each other and for each other. "I haven't taken care of a baby for thirteen years," he admitted on a half laugh, "or been around little kids until Rosalyn," his siblings didn't have kids of their own, the fullest extent of his involvement was with cousins, their kids, it was different. And it was different for her, a mother with a young kid, someone who was still used to dealing with diapers and bottles and gibberish. And before Rosalyn, he would have said no, absolutely not, no more, but… Cage couldn't close the door, either. He didn't want to close the door on anything with Cordelia. "Nothing's off the table," he whispered, rubbing his thumb across her hand soothingly, and keeping his eyes on her face. Kids, marriage, owning a home together, someday retiring together to help Kellan pick blueberries and watch as future generations of Newmans took over the farm, but then he felt the panic in his chest at what she was saying, his eyes flashing when she mentioned him resenting her, resenting their kids, suddenly seeing her worries and fears laid out plainly in front of him: that if they did this, together, that someday he would regret it, regret her, come to resent everything that they had. But she had to know. She knew, didn't she? "Baby, I could never do that," he shook his head the tiniest amount, searching her face, wanting to make sure that she heard him, "if we have kids, if we get married, it's because it's us, it's a decision we make together, and I could never resent them, our life, you," a more firm shake of his head, "I love you."

[summercreolefanfictioner]

Prince Reiji of the House Sakamaki (Game of Thrones AU)

(moodboard + plot headcanons)

Prince Reiji of the House Sakamaki. The Poison Maker. The Genius. The Second Son.

if Shuu's birth was Cordelia's source of loathing, Reiji's existence is an added salt to the injury

what's more, Reiji was born a genius

like he learned the language of Valyria and Dothraki at a young age, even mastered the basics of war

in fact, he and Shuu perfected the map of Westeros, which made Karlheinz discover a wide range of untouched territories

however, despite his solutions for the house's victory, Reiji was regarded as an intelligent menace while Shuu was praised for his sword fighting skills

ofc he didn't mind at first bcos Shuu kept inserting Reiji in the picture like "Reiji learned in a book how to make the perfect sword" or "Reiji lent me a poison that I can use on the sword"

but bcos Beatrix kept building Shuu up and neglecting Reiji, he became resentful of his older brother

Reiji's ultimate wish is to make Shuu acknowledge that he's more powerful than him, that he won against him

like he didn't really want the Iron Throne

he just wanted to win against Shuu

so he did everything in his power to climb the ladder

even married Lady Tiyana Appleton to take power in Vale

Beatrix never paid attention to his efforts though

heck she was so devasted when Shuu decided to join the Night's Watch

this resulted in him orchestrating her painful death (although for Reiji, it seemed like she still won in the end)

and so everything was at its usual phase

until the she-devil in the form of Cordelia approached him and asked for his help to kill Karlheinz

ofc Reiji agreed, not bcos he wanted to kill him, but bcos his death will make him ascend higher in the hierarchy despite being his bastard

during this time, Kanato came to him and bid him a farewell, something abt foreshadowing Reiji's impending death

at this time, Reiji wasted no time beginning his evil schemes

even used Shuu's former fling, Estelle, to make Tiyana mad with jealousy

and during her vulnerable moment, he pushed her to the Moon Door, smirking evilly as he caused her death

now, the land of Vale is under his full control, making him the king of his own world

sometimes he wanted to return to those days when he wasn't full of hatred

but for now, he enjoyed his glory

STORY MASTERLIST HERE

[tommymaddox]

"And don't act like you tell me every little thing that goes on in your life either, so don't expect it all from me in return." It was hard to find a balance sometimes when they had become so codependant with one another. They relied on each other more than most siblings, so sometimes it became hard to see the boundaries they should have in place.

Tommy's face screws up at being compared to her boyfried. After their interactions the other day he hopes not. He suspects Cage had kept his word on not telling Cordelia about their spat, otherwise he would have heard about it by now. "I resent that."

"I'm never going to win that game. They will always win. Whether it's because I fucked up or because I crossed them on a random street and they didn't even stop walking." He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath, remembering that very thing happening yesterday. "I am trying to let go of playing with them. They can win all they want, I'm just tired of feeling like I'm always in a game." He underrstands that for his sister things are a lot newer, her pain fresh and she doesn't know how to navigate this life without them there. Maybe one day she'll get an opportunity to reconnect with them when they finally see the granddaughter they let go. But this isn't new for Tommy. It's a decade and a half battle. He's tired. He was exiled, yet Cordelia still saw him in the battle. He just wanted some peace of his own. "I care about you too, dum dum," he reaches out to nudge her, hoping she can see he's not the bad guy here.

"There is nothing bigger going on here. It was done with before you even gone here. You're clearly upset and that is what needs to be focused on right now," he insists. One much more urgent than the other. "Police are not getting a call, and if they do we will make it work. We always make it work no matter what gets thrown our way. But holding me to some condition where I can't do anything wrong, where the moment something bad happens its worst case scenario, is no better than what I dealt with growing up. I will make mistakes Cordelia. I will have problems. It's how I handle them after that should be weighed." He thinks that is fair, to be allowed to be in the wrong just as much as others (still facing direct consequences of course) but accountable for where he lets that wrong lead him.

"You are very difficult, because you're entirely too easy to love," Tommy corrects her, his hand coming to rest on her back, gently moving up and down in hopes it will coax her out of her armadillo act. "Cord, Mum and Dad didn't punish you because you were selfish. They were. Long before they made their choices with you." He quietens for a moment, deep in thought. When he speaks his voice is soft, the same voice he uses to read Rosalyn her nightime stories. "Mum and Dad... they should not be the deciders of who you are as a person. Whether they approve or dispprove they have never had anyones interests in mind but their own. It's cruel to raise children that way. What they did doesn't make you selfish, it makes you a victim. That's what you're feeling right now, the wounds they left behind." His hand move to her hair, stroking it back from her face. "It takes time and care to manage them, Cor. You might not feel it always, and so you think it's all okay... but then something happens... and it hurts. It really hurts." He feels that pain now, knowing how much she has been wounded by their parents, and he felt it last night after seeing them in the street. "But we can keep going. We can find people to protect our wounds whilst they heal. I promise. It wont always be so painful. We wont always think about what they called us, what they did to us. Whatever is happening with Cage is not the same as what happened with them. So tell me what happened. I can protect your old wounds so you can focus on the now."

An incredulous look is made, when he compares her to some kind of parole officer, like she weighed on his life so much. "God, Tommy, how hypocritical can you be, if something happened to me, or Rosalyn and I simply just let you find out -- by accident, or by chance that you showed up, you'd be furious." After all they could match each other in temper almost far too well, something they had gotten from the Brownings, but had never actually let that go. "But don't sit here and say 'I needed time to process' when we both know you never would have told me. You have this need to protect me like I'm going to break if you breathe on me too hard." she snapped, she loved her brother, but he was protective beyond measure.

"Both!" she threw up her hands annoyed that he couldn't figure that out. "I want to know what shit happens with you Tommy, believe it or not, I want to know the bad shit and the good shit -- I can handle it despite what it seems like right now." Of course, her emotions were out of control purely based on the fact that she was now fighting with the two people in her life that were her constant. Take that away, that left her with just her daughter, and to think about that was enough to cause anyone to lash out. It was a defensive mechanism. "But you're right, it's always about how it affects me. I'm the horrible one, I'm the selfish one." A snap to her tone showing hurt behind it, even if it was laced with venom. "You know, Cage and you are a lot more alike than you will ever want to admit." Cordelia spit out, chances are knowing that would scar him far worse than the bruises marring his skin.

Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes, to steady her breathing. "Doesn't matter if it's pot calling kettle black or whatever -- it's the fact that you don't deserve to have them proudly sit back and fucking win. They win every time you lash out because you're going through something." It only was a matter of time before it got back to their parents and they were proudly smiling that every story they made up now was more plausible than before. "Don't you think I know that." This time the words were almost growled through clenched teeth, "That we're both lucky we came out of that family in one piece?" It wasn't just him that had been pushed to the brink from their parents, it had been all of them -- something their siblings just agreed to conform to, unlike the two of them. "You deserve better than that, that's why I care dammit." Hot tears spilling down her cheeks as she stopped her foot almost like a small child would because he just wasn't getting it.

Of course it was the mention of Cage and her fighting that got his attention. "It doesn't matter. There's obviously bigger things going on here, and if I talk about me, then I'm just all about me." she bit back, wiping at her eyes with the palms of her hands so hard she was seeing spots in her eyes. The damn tears still continued to betray her as they slipped down her cheeks that were now blotchy stained red a mix of anger and emotions painted over every inch of her once ivory toned skin. A sniffle came when he said he was sorry, and she took a breath. "I'm sorry I snapped but if you end up being the only thing I have left... I can't have you going out and doing this and waiting for some call from the police." Tears fell a little heavier down her face before she finally let her shoulders fall, the fight in her slowly evaporating from her body.

Moving around him she dropped onto the couch, pulling her legs up into her chest, curling up into the tiniest ball she could make herself into at the end of the couch. Something she had done when she was little after scoldings from her parents for one reason or another -- not being good enough, typically being a huge reason. "Doesn't matter. This is the second time we've gotten into something like this and it's only so long before he figures out exactly why mom and dad were so okay with abandoning me. I'm difficult, I'm hard to love, I am selfish." she whispered, before curling up and burying her head into the couch, even he had said as much when he had pointed out about it being about her.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

The Buffy book "Here be Monsters" was also really good. I'm not sure if this author did any other Buffy books than this one (I don't think I've read any other books by them yet if they did do more, anyway), but I hope that they did. They seemed to have a knack for it. I like the look into Buffy's psyche that we got here and the payoff from that. It was nicely done. Just an overall nice book, imo.

Then the book "Immortal"... I feel like I should like it more than I did. And I did like it, don't get me wrong. Like, the idea that a certain vampire's essence could go into to others who got turned every time she got staked, and really be immortal that way is definitely an interesting one (this girl made for a formidable villain, that's for sure). But IDK. I just really didn't like said villain. I feel like we almost spent too much time with her and I almost got annoyed with her because of that, but maybe that's just me.

And Joyce having a cancer scare before season five is definitely a great idea. I feel like that works well into canon. Buffy can be strong and everyone's rock in season five, because she's dealt with the idea of this before. (Edit: It also makes it seem like Joyce had cancer before season five and the doctors just didn't catch it back here, and should have, but didn't. Like, maybe they almost did catch it, but didn't. Alas.)

Buffy even resenting Angel for being immortal, and not believing that deaths mean the same thing to him anymore as they do to humans, was a nice bit of angst (and the fact that even though they made amends, they chose to leave the book on a sort of sad and more realistic tone was definitely a brave decision [Angel telling Buffy that if she died, he would die. But her not really believing him and saying that he might grieve and leave flowers at her grave for fifty years, but eventually he'd move on since he's immortal and that's kind of the nature of it: and Angel doesn't contradict her there, either because he knows Buffy won't believe him, or maybe because deep down he knows she's right. or a little of both), but I almost feel like this book was a little too much depression for me.

That, and the fact that this is after Xander's cheated on Cordelia so they're having their issues here, too.

It was almost too much angst with all of that, and the fact that the villains seemed unstoppable for most of the story.

But all that being said, I definitely did enjoy it (and I'm definitely not mentioning all the good things about it here, either) and thought there were some amazing premises here.

And it's definitely not my least favorite of the tie-in books thus far.

Oh, and seeing Angel almost being tempted to turn Buffy so he'd never lose her to death--before realizing that it wouldn't really be Buffy he was keeping, but a demon possessing her body--was also intriguing, because I always wondered if he ever thought about doing that. What he totally didn't think about, though, was that maybe Buffy could be cursed with her soul like he was. But real talk, I'm of course glad he gave up this thought.

[angelicmichael]

Imminient Annihilation sounds so dope - Chapter Ten

Michael Langdon X Reader

Summary: Reader and Michael continue to work through their issues and finally start to warm up to each other even further. 

Words: 5.9k+ …oops

Warnings: just normal IA warnings (swear words, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, enemies to lovers, slowburn, etc) anddd maybeee a bit of fluff 👁

A/N: hey guys! Sorry I haven’t updated this in a few months but hopefully this is satisfactory hehe. This chapter is kinda a turning point in the fic so I hope u guys like it!! Also I watched Jennifer’s Body as I finished this so.. do what u must w that information 😌 djdjd

Previous Chapter

Rain was never something you were accustomed too. Spending so much time in Los Angeles had made you partially spoiled when it came to the weather - which is why you knew immediately your day was going to be shit when you woke up to rain.

You tried to convince yourself that the emotions you were feeling weren’t complete disdain but rather just a pessimistic version of indifference.. or that’s what you hoped anyway.

You knew realistically that your day wasn’t already doomed before it even started; and that the rain was nothing more than a mere inconvenience.. However; you still felt justified in complaining, considering today was the day you were ripping the band-aide off and moving in to the apartment Michael had oh so graciously chosen to give you.

Your pessimistic mood surrounding the entire situation was inevitable, and that was something you didn’t even bother to resist or fight. It didn’t take long for your thoughts to quickly go south as you quickly packed. Hatred that seemingly came out of nowhere (but that you realistically knew was only temporarily dormant) wasted no time in blinding your judgement - making you feel a nearly nauseating amount of jealousy and anger for people who actually seemed to be fucking happy in their relationships and werent forced into.. whatever shitty living situation you knew you were bound to find yourself in.

An apartment with no strings attached was way too fucking simple, and you knew it was too good to be true. You knew you were basically walking into a trap, and for what reason were you doing that so willingly? Just so that maybe Michael could start to tolerate you? You resented yourself for even agreeing to this but you also understood you really had no other option.

However; personal feelings aside.. you still had a mission to accomplish. You still had to attempt to seduce Michael, and even though you were doing a shit job at that so far - you still had to try. You knew realistically it was only a matter of time before Cordelia would ask about the progress you've made, and you would have to tell her something.

You had to do this.

That's why you were (semi) blindly choosing to move in to a building you knew you absoluetly couldnt afford; and why you were sucking up your pride and choosing to become semi reliant on Michael.

No one from the coven knew, and for the time being you intended to keep it that way. After all, even though Mallory didnt exactly know that Michael gave you a whole ass fucking apartment - your sure she probably suspected that something important happened between you and Michael just from the short conversation you three harbored together. But for the time being, you didnt have to worry about that. You had bigger things that were on your mind.. like the actual apartment door itself that you currently stood in front of.

You held the keys limply in your hand, your bag slumped next to you as you procrastinated something as fucking simple as opening a door. How pathetic.

You continued to stall in the hallway regardless - thankful there was no one passing through to witness how ridiculous you looked. Your gaze fell south down to your keys which were cold in your hand. Dripping slowly with the subtle rainwater that managed to linger on them, along with the rest of your clothes.

Your skin stung from the cold that seemed stubborn to leave, and a nice change of clothes and a hot shower wouldnt be the absolute worst thing in the world..

Fuck.

You bit your lip in order to prevent letting the profanity from rolling off your tongue. Quickly getting a better grip on the keys (which only made you somehow colder) and numbly, hastily unlocking the door.

You pushed it open, letting the door hit the wall and taking a few steps inside before dropping your bag to the floor.. as well as your jaw.

No words could possibly convey how you felt as you noticed how the room was already illuminated with not only natural light from the already huge windows you could see.. but also with a warm, yellow artificial glow.

Was someone already here?

What the fuck?

The hatred and resentment you previously felt toward others earlier rapidly started to return - except this time it was targeted at one very specific person.

It didnt even register in your mind that the light could've been left on by accident or that people besides Michael actually existed that could be present in the room but.. you didnt care. Anger was the only emotion that was solely present in your body as you fully abandoned your bag by the door. Advancing forward; and only feeling more shock and disbelief with every step you took at the thought that he could very possibly be in (what was supposed to be) your space.

"Michael, I swear to God-"

"Y/n?” said a soft, feminine voice.

It was practically automatic how you froze. Just getting close enough to notice that it wasn’t Michael after all that was on your bed in your new studio apartment, but a woman sat on your bed instead.

For about two seconds, you were scared it was Madison but.. that was a stupid assumption within itself. The company you were with was from a far different nature than of which Madison was, even though at first glance the two woman might look or sound similar. There were so many qualities that distinguished Mallory from Madison. Brown, auburn hair.. dark eyeshadow.. and her classic black boots. It didn’t take long for your anger to fade away as you tried to not think about how logically this still didn’t make sense - walking closer to your bed anyway.

"How did you get in here? And since when did you ever break into peoples rooms?" You asked with a laugh.

Mallory echoed your laugh back, seemingly watching you and your behavior. As if she was expecting you to do something or to act a certain way.. like perhaps leave.

"I didnt break into your apartment but.. you should probably sit down." She spoke, before nodding off to her side. Nonverbally suggesting you to sit next to her.

You did as you were told. Noticing briefly before you sat down how nice the apartment actually was.. including the bed.

The walls, and most of everything in the apartment was a solid black. It looked sleek, and even though black paint made most rooms look small - the natural light helped keep things looking open which you appreciated. It was no surprise that the bed matched the dark theme too. The sheets were silky, black satin. You almost laughed at how comfortable the bed was once you sat next to Mallory, the entire situation was so ridiculous it nearly hurt for you to not laugh out loud. The two of you sat in the silence for a moment.. you were each incredibly anxious, that was more than apparent.

You looked up at Mallory, expecting her to speak first and explain herself since after all.. shes the one who broke into your apartment but she still remained quiet.. Stalling, you could only guess.

"So, why are you here? How did you even get in here? Is everything okay?" You asked, your words speedy and rushed.

Panic started to temporarily set in when you realized that something could be serisouly wrong with the coven, even though you knew how completly irrational it was to think that way with no evidence. What if witch hunters found them? What if someone preformed the seven wonders and it went wrong? What if the plan had suddenly changed with Michael?

Mallory seemed to pick on how anxious you suddenly were, putting a hand on your upper arm before making you meet her gaze. Her soft, hazel brown eyes immeadietly making your breathe slow. That was another reason you were so thankful for Mallory - the soothing, calming effect she seemed to have on everyone she met was something you never took for granted.. Espically now.

"Hey, nothing's wrong and nothing happened. I promise. I just wanted to see you and talk to you, and I figured we should catch up after Michael basically made me leave," Mallory explained.

You quickly nodded. Feeling guilt start to creep into your system once you remembered how Michael previously treated her.

"Yeah, youre right. I've been wanting to see you anyway and I'm sorry I didnt just call you last night or something.. and I know I cant control him but I'm still sorry for how Michael treated you. I shouldn't have brought you into that-"

"(Y/n), stop," Mallory said urgently. Shaking her head slightly in disagreement with your words. "Sure, Michael was acting like a dick but.. it's nothing I'm not exactly accustomed too. It was harmless," she ended her words with a smile. One that was meant to comfort you both at the epiphany her words brought.

You sat with her words for a moment. The realization suddenly hitting you like a truck-

"Wait.. what? Do you know Michael?"

Mallory fell completely silent. Looking at you almost in a.. guilty manner. Her gaze fell downwards before she looked up to meet yours once more, licking her lips anxiously before she uttered out a quiet reply.

"I wasnt going to tell you because I knew it would make you upset but.. Michael called me last night-"

"And you answered?" Your voice raised up a few octaves unwillingly. Threatening to break as you tried to process what you were hearing.

As much as you wanted to immeadietly jump to conclusions, you had to remind yourself that this was Mallory you were talking too. Your best friend, Mallory. You knew she would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.

You noticed Mallory was also starting to get tense. Her spine suddenly a bit too straight and her shoulders were rigid. It was nice to know you werent the only person in this situation who was feeling this way, although you would be lying if you were to say that you werent curious for why Mallory felt tense.

"At first, no but he kept calling so I figured it would cause no harm to see what he wanted so, I answered," Mallory said cautiously.

It was obvious she had more to say and as much as you wanted her to keep talking and fully explain herself - you were more than happy that you didnt have to cut her off again. It was too much. This was too much.

You pinched the bridge of your nose before loudly exhaling with a shallow growl. Not really caring that it probably was coming off like you were mad at Mallory when in reality, that wasn’t the case. Mallory wasn’t the problem; you were really just beyond fucking pissed at Michael.

But at this point.. that wasnt new news.

"I told him that we shouldnt be talking, but he insisted," Mallory continued with a shrug.

You tried to sit up straight again; trying to exhale some of the pure fucking anger that was currently coursing through your system. Your vision was spotted black when you opened your eyes - your gaze pointed upwards at the smooth, blank ceiling. Quickly wishing that you were anywhere else, or really anyone else at the moment.

What you wouldnt kill to swap bodies again.. but then again, who knows what the hell Michael was currently doing at the moment.. He couldnt be trusted.

That was more than obvious now.

You should've known that he would contact Mallory, but how he even got her number was beyond you.. Unless-

"How did he even get your number?" You asked. Your tone strikingly calm.

Mallory looked incredibly spooked when your head suddenly snapped over to look at her. As if she was worried you were angry at her still, and as much as you wanted to reassure her otherwise, you really didnt have the energy to do so anymore. Not at the moment anyway.

"You can't be mad when I tell you the answer, okay?" She said softly.

Your features immeadietly softened at her words. The rest of your body relaxed as well; your shoulders dropping and your jaw unclenching.

"Mallory, I could never be mad at you. You could never piss me off, i'm just.. frustrated at Michael. It's not at you, I swear," you said. Trying your best to make your words sound reassuring and genuine.

Mallorys reaction wasnt one that was verbal but immeadite nonetheless. Her arms suddenly shot out and wrapped themselves around you. Her body temporarily pressing into yours as your hands went to her back, before she quickly broke the hug.

"Promise?" Mallory prompted. Brown eyes looking diligently into yours.

"Yeah.. I promise. Just tell me what that idiot did,” you said halfheartedly.

"So.. I've had his number for a while. Not for too long but just since you two switched. But, we never really talked," Her voice stalled as she watched your reaction. Your mouth grew dry as you really tried to let it sink in that they've known eachother since- well for atleast a week. "But I knew immeadietly that it wasnt you.. that day. I'm sorry I lied, but Michael made me promise."

"Why didnt you just tell me?"

Mallory looked at you in a guilty manner. Her lips pursing shut as she looked solemnly at her shoes, avoiding eye contact. You knew exactly why she was being quiet - she didnt want to admit why she had lied but.. the answer was pretty obvious.

Even though Mallory was one of the strongest witches - almost stronger than Cordelia on some days, she still was scared of Michael and that was nothing worth holding a grudge over. After all he was still the antichrist, no matter how (mostly) harmless and idiotic he seemed to you now.

"Okay.. I guess that doesnt really matter," you admitted with a laugh. Figeting with your hands as you heard a shallow laugh omit also from Mallory, which made you smile. The shallow pit that resided in your stomach finally starting to let up. "But.. What did he call you about last night?"

Mallory hesitated again before giving you another subtle smile.

"It was mostly about you.. I know how you feel about him y/n, but its working. I promise you. Hes finally warming up to you. I just wish you could hear how he talks about you,” she spoke. Taking your hands into her soft, warm ones.

"I wish I believed that," You admitted.

"I wouldnt lie to you. Hes finally starting to warm up to you, plus it was obvious yesterday-"

"Yeah; It was obvious how strong he was coming onto you."

Mallory laughed again at your words. Shaking her head slightly in protest.

“Y/n you know that’s not true. The only reason why he was flirting with me was just to get to you.. I thought that was obvious.”

“It was obvious I just.. didn’t know that you knew that. I mean, Michael has Madison.. or he did so you think that would at least satisfy his flirting needs for a bit but.. Michael faking to be interested in you, that would mean he wanted a reaction out of me on purpose? Why would he-“

“You know why. You need to start cutting yourself slack and realize that maybee this rivalry is starting to be one sided.”

You pouted at her words at the realization that they actually held more truth in them than you were willing to admit. If Michael didn’t hate you anymore, if he was truly actually willing to be civil.. then why were you still so upset? Were you the one who was unintentionally causing problems now? Was it now you instead of Michael that was holding the relationship back?

How fucking stupid.

“I can’t trust him, Mallory. How can I when he and Madison literally tried to kill me. I can never forget that they did that to me.”

“I’m not asking you to forget what he did, y/n. I’m just saying that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to start having an open mind around him, and see where it gets you.”

You were struck silent, knowing that Mallory was completely right. If you wanted to have any hope at all of making things right with Michael (even though you really didn’t do anything wrong..) you would have to try a different approach because obviously; what you were doing now wasn’t working. Being snarky, and vaguely threatening him every chance you got was fun of course but- it wasn’t working. Even though Mallory was probably the sweetest person you knew, the fact your own best friend had to (very politely) make a intervention was.. not a good sign. Although, you knew Mallory was doing this for your best interest because if she didn’t say anything, then Cordelia certainly would.

And sadly, Mallory was actually right.

If you wanted things with Michael to advance any further; or to advance at all you needed to step things up but, you could always worry about that after Mallory left.

“So what, are you guys besties now or something?” You sneered.

“Shut up!” Mallory said with a laugh, playfully pushing you over a bit. “He’s barely even my acquaintance. The only reason he’s being nice to me is just to get to you, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I mean that’s the goal-“

“Do you think that’s the only reason?” You interrupted.

Your throat automatically tightened after you spoke, the threat of your words potentially being true coaxing you to silence. Your not sure why the thought of Michael using you made you upset.. it’s not as if you didn’t think he was doing it before but this time it was different. Perhaps it was because you finally thought Michael actually had some type of interest in you.. and to have that suddenly ripped away?

That would leave you beyond broken.. you knew that for certain.

Mallory looked at you solemnly, as if she was already resenting her words before she had to say them outloud.

“Look, I don’t exactly know Michaels intentions and I’m not going to pretend too.. I don’t really think anyone does at this point but I do know that regardless of your feelings, or even his feelings that.. you have to try.”

You let out a loud exhale.

“I mean you said it yourself.. Michaels so unpredictable, there’s no point in guessing how he feels so.. maybe I should just.. ask him?”

Realistically you didn’t know how good of a idea that was- but.. trying to remain realistic was something you gave up on days ago. Pretty much the same day you switched and that definitely wasn’t a coincidence by any means.

As soon as Mallorys mouth opened, you heard three loud knocks. Quick and rapid with no hesitation between them. The apartment nearly shook with the force of whoever happened to be at your door, and you certainly didn’t doubt that your neighbors heard the knocking as well.

Mallory looked at you in utter confusion, but stayed on the bed nonetheless with no sign of getting up. Naturally, you found yourself scooting closer to the end of the bed, knowing it was you who was going to have to get the door.. and that made you scared shitless. Not because you were necessarily scared to open the door but because you had a horribly bad feeling on who was on the other side.. There was only one person that you knew of that was aware of where you lived, and you knew it wasn’t matience or staff.

You knew standing up was the logical thing to do but you still stalled. Hands starting to painfully dig into the soft, expensive sheets that lie underneath you. You mouthed a silent, ‘what the fuck?’ to Mallory but your head snapped back at the door..

Three more knocks which were only louder and more persistent than the last.

“Coming!” You quickly called out.

It was pure anxiety that fueled your next actions. You quickly stood up from the bed, trying to walk hurriedly to the door as fast as you could and trying your damn best not to think.. Hoping Mallory also had a idea of who was at the door and also happened to get the fuck out of view.

You didn’t want a repeat of yesterday happening again today, and you knew you wouldn’t hesitate to slap Michael if he tried to flirt with her again. Even though, you knew you weren’t supposed to act like that anymore.. but why should you have manners if Michael refused them as well?

Opening the door swiftly and without a second thought; you stood breathless as you saw a familiar blonde standing in front of you.

You both stared at each other at first - each not daring to have the balls to say ‘hello’ or anything else for that matter.. You noticed how Michael first eyed you up, fully looking up and down your body (as well as peering behind you, hopefully not making eye contact with Mallory). You made a point to just look into Michaels eyes, refusing to do what he was doing.. whatever the fuck that truly was.

“How did you know I would be here?” You breathed.

“I knew it was just a matter of time before you’d come, but it also never hurt to charm the hotel staff a bit,” Michael responded swiftly without a second beat, almost as if he anticipated your words. His lips upturned slightly at the edges, in a way that nearly made your stomach sick.

“The hotel staff-?!”

“I have connections everywhere y/n, I thought you knew that,” he sneered.

He brushed past you as you continued to stand in shock. Your mouth slightly falling open as Michael took a few steps into your apartment - looking curiously around, almost as if he knew Mallory was here..

“I did.. I think that’s obvious,” you shot back hurriedly. “But thank you for the apartment again, Michael. I still feel weird taking it but it is nice I’ll admit,” you continued. Hoping to make him turn around to look back at you and hopefully not find Mallory.. Which worked. At least for a few seconds at least.

Michael made direct eye contact with you for a moment, almost as if he wanted to speak but was deliberately choosing not too. Instead he turned around, walking in deeper in the apartment.

Your mouth immediately dropped open - your feet carried yourself forward as you started to feel a bit numb with shock- not knowing even in the slightest how you were going to handle the situation if Mallory didn’t fucking move.

Sure enough..

“You always manage to linger.. don’t you?” Michael spoke.

It took only a couple steps for you to fully realize he wasn’t speaking to you. You only saw his backside as you approached them. Quickly meeting Mallorys gaze as you came into view.. Her brown eyes darker than ever as she peered up at you.

This time it is nearly impossible to distinguish whether she looked in agony from Michaels appearance or yours; since you apparently interrupted them. Her gaze quickly returned back to meet Michaels before you could think anything of it.

“I’m not here to see you, Michael.” Mallory announced. Her tone harsher than what you were expecting what apparent friends would use.. Were they even really friends?

Mallory suddenly stood up while Michael was still standing a few feet in front of her. Making eye contact with Michael for a split second before almost ducking around him before she stood in front of you.. leaving Michael speechless behind her. She quickly hugged you, her arms only embracing you for a split second before leaving. It was obvious she was in a hurry to leave now but.. you weren’t sure exactly why.

“I should get going, you and Michael have a lot to talk about,” she subtly smiled before turning to leave.. not letting you reply or have any sort of reaction to her words.

You stood solemnly as you heard Mallory’s footsteps gradually go farther away, before hearing the door open and close. You watched Michaels back as he refused to turn around.

“How was your nice chat with Mallory?”

“Why are you asking? Am I not allowed to see her or something?” You bit back. Your words possibly twice as venomous as his were.

Michael hastily turned around, looking at you with utter disbelief. His blue eyes looking into yours, as if he was suddenly surprised by your tone and how you were acting - as if his behavior didn’t proceeded yours.

“You need to relax,” he snapped. He approached you until he was right in front of you. “I wasn’t asking because I’m trying to control you, I know that’s what your thinking,” His words fell soft until they were nearly inaudible. “I just wanted to ask what she talked to you about.”

“About us?” You prompted.

“Well what else would she be talking to you about,” he snickered. His words spoken as more of a statement than a question. His laughter quickly dwindled off after he saw how rigid your frame suddenly looked. “Kidding. For the most part.. she said she was going to talk to you, and I figured I should actually speak to you this time rather than her.”

“Are you.. actually trying to trust me, Michael Langdon?” You teased. A smile, as well as laughter escaped from your lips at the mere thought.

Even though the thought was amusing on its own, you still didn’t completely trust him. Even now when he had Mallorys trust (for the most part), you still didn’t doubt that he had a ulterior motive.

Michael finally stepped back, hesitantly breaking eye contact before inaudibly beckoning you to follow him.

“I’m trying, just like how I told you I would,” He hauntingly reminded you.

You followed him silently to the long leather couch that sat by the overly expansive windows. Sitting down next to him in a way that felt almost too casual.. but being casual around Michael and not borderline fearing for your life was something you would have to adjust too.

You noticed how he instantly slipped his shoes off; drawing up his feet on the couch.. his arms and as well the rest of him contained. Away from you.

“So if your trying.. now,” you suggested uncertainly. “Then.. tell me why you came here to talk suddenly again? I mean why not just go through Mallory again like you’ve doing previously?”

“(Y/n), please. Take me seriously and just trust me for once,” His words came out quick and stern as he spoke them. “I was being serious yesterday, as well as all the other times when I told you I wanted to start.. putting effort in and trying.”

You stared at Michael utterly dumbfounded.. Feeling a bit hopeless that you actually felt almost.. touched by his words. That’s if he was actually being serious, anyway.

“What does trying mean to you?” You asked carefully. Your mind naturally went back to Madison.. were they even broken up yet? Was that even something that Michael was willing to do for you, and how was that something you could just ask? “What about-“

“Madison’s fine. She’s fine.. with everything,” he replied hesitantly.

You simply ignored the fact that he seemed to pick up what you were talking about almost immeadietly.. focusing on rather the latter part of the sentence.. that she was okay with everything?

“So she knows? That you’re here?”

“Yeah. She knows but that’s besides the point. Madison isn’t a part of the equation anymore, I don’t want to talk about her,” He spoke as if his words were final and not to be argued with, but his tone wasn’t angry. He was just done.. and you were too.

You wish that wasn’t the case though. Cutting Madison off didn’t sit right with you in the slightest, and it would definitely have to be something that would have to be mended later. That was a given.

Madison and Michaels relationship was far too close for them to suddenly split and remain like that forever - it was temporary, but so is everything really. That shouldn’t phase you but - it still managed too.

“Okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t-“ you started.

“It’s fine. I knew you would ask.. She’s the reason why I’m here actually,” His eyes broke contact and averted down to his hands. “I don’t mean that as in I’m not here to see you but, it was something she said that brought me here.” He continued, his voice almost growing soft now at just the mention of his ex girlfriend.. and now, you felt like you actually were starting to understand his point of view. Not fully but, it was clear that Michael was trying to be more open with you, and this time he wasn’t ‘fake’ drunk.

It took nearly everything in you to not immeadietly retort but just like the night where you were at the party; you tried to fully hear him out since this was apparently one of the few times he was being civil.

“So Madison gave you advice and you actually took it?” You said while laughing softly. Trying to lighten the mood since Michael seemed to be brooding.

Michael didn’t laugh back but instead his gaze flickered up to meet yours for a moment. The corners of his mouth upturning in a shallow smile that only lasted for a few seconds.

“I did because it made sense.” He said, his tone still remaining serious. You noticed how careful he was being with his words.. something that was typical for Michael to do but this time it seemed a bit too deliberate. You wanted to ask what exactly Madison even told him to do but.. that felt wrong. “It was also the right thing to do.. Being close to you is something I should’ve done a while ago, probably immeadietly-“

“But what’s in the past; stays in the past. And since your so adamant about being close to me.. we can always try now,” you cut in.

Michael continued to sit a good distance away from you; you thought it was ironic how he could talk about wanting to get close with you but wouldn’t dare to move any closer. That thought made your pride a little bit too happy.

Right before he could open his mouth to say something; his phone rang. The sound suddenly earsplitting and blaring but Michael didn’t bother to flinch. Instead he stood up and answered his phone.. making sure to nearly trek across the apartment before he said anything into the phone.

You stretched and casually examined him as he talked, you had a feeling who it was on the line..

After how tense things were with Mallory - you knew they probably weren’t going to be on friendly terms anytime soon.. especially in front of you. And judging by how.. oddly relaxed he seemed (yet timid when he caught your gaze and realized you were staring), it had to be one person.

You were about to sink back into the couch and try your best to not speculate what they were talking about, but before you could fully turn - you realized Michael was sauntering towards you.. clearly still on the phone.

Oh fuck.

Before you could ask what was wrong, the look he gave you alone ushered you to silence.

He quickly held the phone away from his ear. A quick glance at the screen confirmed that the call was still active.

“You said you forgive Madison.. right?” He spoke lowly. His words barely audible, more so mouthing the words than actually speaking them.

You looked at him with a expression you’re sure looked as if you were furious but you were really just completely confused. You wanted to ask but.. there was no time if she was on the phone, but knowing what you were about to get yourself into would also be nice to know.

His eyes had since lost the sharpness that had nearly cut you earlier, instead swarming with urgency and a bit of panic.. It had to be Madison. The only person that could ever have that effect on Michael was Madison.

You simply nodded in response. Not trusting yourself to speak quietly outloud but you also didn’t exactly trust your response because it wasn’t exactly truthful, but Michael seemed to be level headed.. for now.

Michael immeadietly turned and held the phone back up to his ear, this time staying in closer proximity and within ear shot. Putting on his shoes as he continued to hold the conversation he was having.

“Okay

...

So when are you coming?

...

Great, see you then. . . Bye.”

If you didn’t just hear the words that you thought you had heard.. you knew under normal circumstances your heart would’ve ached when you realized how Michael hesitated before he said goodbye, most likely catching himself before he said ‘I love you’. Instead though, you felt a gruesome wave of nausea suddenly rise through you.. urging you to shakily stand up and speak without thinking.

“She’s coming to see you?”

Michael barely gave you a second glance as he turned around and started to head for the front door of the apartment.

“Yes. You’ll be seeing her too, don’t worry.” He spoke before he quickly let the door shut behind him.

You continued to stand, utterly speechless.

Part of you wanted to run after him and the other part merely wanted to scream in anger that he had already made fucking plans but instead you felt numb. Numb and calm.

You returned to your bag and unpacked, trying your best to not let your emotions consume you like they previously had too many times.. until you finally broke down and called Mallory.

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[theshadowmalec]

So i’ve read The Land I Lost recently again and I never had the courage to do a review because it’s so good i’m scared that my words is not enough to describe how amazing magnus and alec are, and i’m not a writer... sooo..

(This is not a review probably more like a rant)

I want to start this by saying how much i love Alec Lightwood. How he inspires people, shadowhunters and downworlders alike. But that’s not all. Alec doesn’t just inspire people from his generation or anyone who knows him, he inspires people like me too.

Ever since The Mortal Instruments, Alec is already someone that caught my eye. He seems like an interesting character, the way he protects his siblings, as well as his “sour” personality. I am grateful to be one of the people who saw him develop from a shy boy to someone who’s confident enough to defend not just his siblings, but other people - as well as himself.

In the land i lost, it started with Alec and his life with Magnus and Max. My heart is so full of love and happiness reading about the three of them. How their relationship came this far. How their love for each other extended for one more person, for their kid. How Alec was so insecure before, thinking he would never get to be himself, love someone and have someone love him back. But look where he is. He deserves it.

I said it once that Alec ruined men for me. How he loved Magnus with everything he has and so much more. How, in the long life of Magnus, he never met someone who could love him as much as Alec does - to the point where his goal is to change the world for him. For Magnus. For the world to be a better place. To be kind to Magnus and everyone like him.

I love the details about how he wanted to learn a lot of language but his first PRIORITY is Indonesian because he wants to learn it for Magnus.

I love that we get to see the TMI gang again. How much they loved little blueberry. How Jace once put him inside a bag to sneak him out or how Isabelle and Lily seems to spoil the hell out of him.

The first few pages started out as comedic especially with the scenes with the vampires at dumort. I love Elliot. At the same time, my heart breaks immediately at the mention of Raphael. I know how much he meant to Lily, and how much Lily meant to him too. And how Alec noticed all of that and wanted to be someone there for Lily too. He’s always protected his siblings, everyone who needed protection. This is one of the things i love about him.

I clapped my hands so hard when Alec went to the Buenos Aires Institute and was told how women were said to be not suited to run one and he responded with having Jia and Clary as leaders and that anyone who says women are weak is afraid that they’re too strong. 👏🏼👏🏼 As well as that scene where he told them off about checking how they talk about Lily, or Magnus. This attitude makes me love him more. It makes Alec such a great character because HE IS.

He is one of the heroes in the dark war. He is the son of the inquisitor. He is Jace’s parabatai, and as stated in the book, he was protected in a way many others were not. That meant he had to use whatever he had, for those who do not have protection. I screamed. He is amazing. And Magnus’ putting a spell and magic for protection was heartwarming. This feels like a fanfic coming to life. My heart is so full, i love them so much i feel like i’m going to burst.

Alec often mentions how Magnus seems to humble himself with how he help other people. That, he doesn’t know the magnitude of the help he did and that he deserved the praise. The whole time he was saying that, i was like???? Alec is the same. He often brush off those achievements and calls it a day — calls it his responsibility, as is many shadowhunters are like him. This made me appreciate the scene with Juliette, with how Alec rescued her and now she’s here a Queen of the Market. I love how she was so hostile when she introduced her faerie child, as if she’s protecting and and defending her to those who will deem her not worthy of being a werewolf mother to a faerie child, then alec was just like “oh well i have a son who’s not like me too, here’s max” and it’s so pure and just SO alec.

I also love how they teased Alec about his looks. How he still feels like he’s not someone to appreciate.

Random mentions of Will still hits me. How Alec’s blue eyes are like will, but he wasn’t Will, any more than Jace was. No one of them could ever be Will.

What stands up to me most is Lily’s story. It breaks me. It made me cry. How she met Cordelia and most importantly, how she met Raphael. How Raphael is someone she never expected to love. How even in his death, she values and respects him enough to take care of everything he had when he was alive.

I also am happy with the way they introduced Rafael. How Alec felt connected to him. How he felt for him. How he wished kids like Rafael didn’t have to suffer the same fate. How the Law should be so much better for the children. I lost it when he mentioned wanting and loving teaching a child simple things, how he planned on doing that to his little brother when he gets older, but he had not grown up and never will be.

If there’s someone who understands Alec when it comes to his relationship with an immortal. It would be Jem, and i’m so happy with the conversation they get to have. How their love for Tessa and Magnus should be enough, and how they should trust them enough to live and laugh after they are gone.

I also love bits of pieces where his relationship with Clary progressed. How i remember that hatred he got when i first read city of bones and now here they are — getting tacos together. How he had come to love her, after resenting her so much at first.

How talking about Will, Jem’s parabatai, reminds him of Jace. How Alec had loved and felt responsible for his family. There had never been any choice, but with Jace it was different. Jace, his parabatai, the first person who’d ever chosen him. The first time Alec had decided to choose someone back, to take on another responsibility. The first choice, opening the door to all the others.

Alec Lightwood, leader of the alliance. I will never get tired of saying how proud i am of him. Those moments with Robert are so heartbreaking, considering i’ve read Lord of Shadows and knew what happened. I hated how Robert treated Alec. But Alec is kind, and everything good, he forgave his dad and Robert is trying, who are we to judge that? He doesn’t understand most things — but he TRIES. He loves his children that much. And it’s amazing how Alec stood up for Magnus. How he get shy but never ashamed, he spent his childhood resenting what he wanted, why should be do that now? He never have to be ashamed anymore. Not when it’s Magnus. Not when he’s worth everything he’s fighting for.

I love Robert bringing up him being the next inquisitor, how, when Alec heard, immediately thought of changing the laws for everyone. For Magnus, always for Magnus. Now for his kids too.

“You’re a good man, Alec,” he said at last. “You’re a better man than I am.”

Alec loved his father and would never be cruel to him. So he didn’t say: I had to be. Instead he reached out and pulled his father into an awkward hug, patting him on the shoulder before he stepped back.

Raphael being part of the Lightwood-Bane makes me happy. I was not kidding when i said i have no words and i feel like i don’t deserve to write something about them because it’s too good that it’s not gonna be enough. But here’s what i wanna say. I love the love Magnus and Alec have. Is it possible to love two person inlove so much? Because i do. After what they’ve been through, they deserved that. Alec deserved that. Magnus deserved that.

I will forever love Alec. I will forever remember how he loved one man so much he changed the world for him.