#even if i have only posted like. a fourth of these words maybe lmao

[the-kipsabian]

i dont think im gonna manage another fic in the next 24 hours, so it looks like this year ends in a really funny total number of words written

111691

[atlabeth]

unadulterated loathing (pt 2)

pt 1 / pt 3

pairing: fiyero tigelaar x fem reader

summary: you are forced to partner with fiyero on a history project. things don't go as you imagine.

a/n: sprinkling anthony bridgerton references in this because wreck my plans that's my man!! anyways this is actually going to be 3 parts because i have zero self control and ended up writing 15k words in total and im trying to see whether i like posting parts or doing one whole one shot more so there's going to be a third part. but for once in my writer life i have the whole thing written so it will be out in a couple days! have no idea how this fic became this long out of nowhere but i hope you all enjoy lol. stressed reader x calm bf will always be famous on this blog

wc: 4.9k

warning(s): almost cheating? fiyero is still w/ galinda for most of this so the line is very blurred but they dont cross it lmao. the slightest bit of angst but basically all fluff

“Isn’t this nice?” Fiyero spread his arms out as you took a seat in the grass. Idly, you wondered about getting grass stains out before he started talking again. “Fresh air, actual sunlight, and things to look at other than words on a page.”

“I do go outside,” you said wryly. “You act like I’m some hermit.”

He shrugged. “I only ever see you in class or at the library.”

“I’m just there most of the time,” you said with a slight laugh. “I’m not this smart by slacking off.”

Fiyero said your name with surprise. “Was that a joke?”

You laughed again. “Hardly.”

“I think it was,” he nodded. “You really are learning how to have fun.”

“I know how to have fun!” you exclaimed. “We just have different ideas of fun!”

“And what is your idea of fun?” Fiyero asked pointedly. “Studying? Attending class? Going through the intricacies of various languages?”

“That last one is very fun,” you defended. 

“How did you decide on linguistics anyways?” he asked. “You’re incredibly passionate about something I didn’t even know was a major here.”

“It’s not, technically.” You shrugged. “I’m a history major. I just convinced Doctor Dillamond to let me be his teacher’s assistant so I could include more linguistics lessons in the syllabus.”

“How do you do it?” he asked. “Oz— why do you do it? You’re stressed all the time. Surely taking one less class or not being a TA wouldn’t kill you. All of this seems like it is.” 

“I’m not like you, Fiyero,” you said. “I can’t get kicked out of a hundred schools and still be fine. I’ve got one chance, and if I squander it, then I’ve also squandered my dream. And that’s unacceptable to me.”

“There’s always second chances,” he said. “And third ones, too. Sometimes even fourth.” 

“Maybe for a prince,” you laughed. “But not for somebody like me.” 

“And just who are you?” Fiyero asked as he sat down next to you. “I know you’re Gillikinese and I know you’re probably going to succeed in whatever you attempt. But I still feel like I don’t know anything about who you are without the school uniform.” 

“Why does that matter?” you asked defensively. “We’re project partners, not friends.” 

“Because I’d very much like us to be friends,” he answered simply. 

That might have been the most shocking thing he’d said all day. Fiyero Tigelaar, Winkie prince and self-declared slacker and desired paramour of nearly every Shiz student, said he wanted to be your friend. 

Again, that warmth bloomed inside you. You tried to ignore it—tried to fully banish it. 

“Don’t do this,” you said, looking away from him. 

“Do what?”

“Act like you like me,” you said, stronger this time. “You— you do it with everyone, and that’s fine, but don’t do it with me.” 

“I’m not following,” Fiyero said. 

You glared at him. “I know you aren’t this daft.”

“Apologies,” he said. “I���m just trying to figure out how you figured I don’t genuinely like you.”

You blinked. “Because you’re you. You flirt with everybody so you can dance through life.”

“Of course,” Fiyero agreed. “It just so happens that I genuinely like you in addition.”

Your eyes narrowed. “Why?”

His laugh was nothing but shocked. “Are you asking me why I like you?”

“Well,” you glanced away with a huff, “when you put it like that it sounds ridiculous.” 

“I’ll bite anyways,” Fiyero said. “I like you because you know what you want. You never really stop talking about it, honestly.”

“Are you trying to compliment me?”

“You’re intelligent and driven and you don’t shy away from anything you want,” he continued. “And you thoroughly vex me in near every encounter we have, most joyously.”

“…So you like me because I’m stubborn and confusing,” you said. 

Fiyero sighed. “You‘ve got some serious self esteem issues.”

“I do not!” you exclaimed.

“You’ve tied your worth to your academic achievement,” he said. “You can’t see all the good you’ve already done, how smart you truly are, because you only stress about the next thing you need to do. You’d rather lose your mind over what’s to come than realize all you’ve got in the moment.”

Your mouth opened and closed for a good five seconds, like a fish out of water, before it snapped shut. 

“I thought you were supposed to be brainless,” you settled on. 

“I am,” Fiyero agreed with a chuckle. “But I also know people better than most, and our study sessions have given me ample time to study you.”

Great Oz, why was your face so hot? You felt like you were burning up from the inside out. Fiyero Tigelaar was killing you, and slowly at that. 

“Why are you studying me?” you asked pointedly. 

“Because you’re interesting,” he said. “And very beautiful.”

“Well, I’m— I’m glad we’ve finally reached a truce.” You tried to sound as casual as possible—you couldn’t let Fiyero know the full effect he was beginning to have on you. You didn’t think he would ever shut up about that, and Galinda certainly wouldn’t either. You didn’t want to make an enemy of her. “It’ll make this project much easier.”

“Yes,” Fiyero mused. “I believe it will.”

Amusement, and maybe something warmer, danced in his irises. A very small part of you wanted to let yourself fall, freely and uncaring, just as every other student did. 

You had to lock that part of you away, never to be seen again. You didn’t like Fiyero. He was still a nuisance in every single sense of the word. 

You swallowed, trying to cure your cottonmouth. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice. 

You needed to finish this essay immediately. 

-

You sighed when you heard a knock on your door. Coralie, for how smart she was, had a habit of forgetting her room key—so much so that you’d stopped bothering to lock the door on the days she went to class before you. 

“It’s unlocked, Cora!” you called out. You didn’t want to get up from your desk, not when you were in the middle of writing. You were worried that you would lose the thread of inspiration you’d finally caught the moment you got out of your chair. 

“You shouldn’t leave your door unlocked,” a familiar voice said. “All sorts of miscreants could get in.” 

Your hand slipped in your shock, but you couldn’t even be annoyed about smearing the fresh ink on the page or getting it on your shirt cuffs because you had more important things to worry about. Namely, your surprise visitor. 

“Fiyero?” 

“Present,” he affirmed as he leaned against your doorframe. “You’ve got a nice place here.”

“Thank you,” you said. “What are you doing here?” 

“Much less pink than Galinda’s,” he continued. “I think it’s the only color she owns, honestly. A bit absurd but—” 

“What are you doing here?” you repeated. 

“I should be asking you that question,” Fiyero said, eyes narrowing in on you. “I went to the library and you weren’t there.” 

You cleared your throat. “I was giving you the day off.” 

He frowned and stood up from the doorframe. “Who said I wanted the day off?” 

“You,” you said. “When you didn’t show up to Doctor Dillamond’s class today.” 

Fiyero brushed his hand through the air. “That’s different.” 

You looked at him expectantly. “So you skipped the class this project is for, but you don’t want to skip the actual project.” 

“That sounds about right, yes.” 

“You don’t even do anything whenever we’re together,” you said. “You just stare at me and complain about doing work and ask me about my life and take an hour to write one page of notes.” 

“That also sounds about right,” Fiyero said. “I enjoy your presence. Do you not enjoy mine?” 

If only he knew the way he’d been making you feel for the past week. He could never know that he appeared in your dream last night. 

“...Your presence is fine,” you said. “I just figured I would give you the day off, seeing as we only have one week left until it’s due.” 

“How much have you written already without me?” he asked. 

“Five pages, but that—” 

“You’ve nearly done half of the project without me?” Fiyero interrupted. 

“...Yes?” Why did you actually feel bad about this? 

Fiyero got closer so he could look over your shoulder at your work, and you found yourself holding your breath at his proximity. 

“Do you think you’re doing me a favor?” 

“Clearly,” you said. “The sooner it’s done, the sooner it’s over, and the sooner you don’t have to deal with me anymore.” You shrugged. “You said you wanted to ride my coattails anyways, so I figured I would make it easier for you.” 

“Just a few days ago you were chastising me for not doing my part,” Fiyero said. “Now you’re not even letting me try?” 

“I—” the words stuck in your throat, and again you felt your face heat. 

I don’t want to have to think about any of this more than I have to because I’m worried what I’ll realize. 

I don’t want to give you any more chances to take me off course because I know I’ll say yes. 

I don’t want to be around you longer than I have to because I think I’m starting to like you. 

“Yes?” 

“I am doing you a favor,” you finally decided. “You don’t have to worry about it. Go ride that horse of yours, or bother other students, or spend time with Galinda. You’ve earned it.” 

“Hardly,” Fiyero said. “I’m doing my part, whether you like it or not. We’ll meet at the library tomorrow morning before class like we’ve been doing.” 

“I have class at 8 in the morning tomorrow.” 

“...Then we’ll do it after class,” he reneged. “I do need my beauty sleep.” 

That got a smile out of you, which spurned one from Fiyero in turn. “I think that is one of the only genuine smiles you’ve given me since we started working together.” 

“I smile plenty,” you insisted. 

“At your books,” Fiyero said. “Not at me.” 

“That’s because my books are oh-so-beautiful,” you said. “And they don’t even need beauty sleep.”

He placed his hand on his heart. “You wound me.” 

Your smile grew and you set your pen down. “The library after class?” 

Fiyero nodded and tapped on your desk as he stood up. “Library after class.” 

He was about to go to the door when Coralie poked her head in. “Why is the door— oh! Fiyero!” She straightened up, plastering on a pretty smile as she stepped inside. “What brings you to our corner of Shiz?” 

“Doctor Dillamond’s midterm,” he said. “Your roommate here is trying to save all of the fun for herself.” 

“That sounds like her,” Cora nodded sagely. “You’re very good to try and keep her from that fate.”

Fiyero pressed his hand to his chest. “I consider it my duty. But I apologize for the intrusion—I’ll leave the two of you be.”

“Oh, stay as long as you want,” she spoke up. “I’m sure your partner wouldn’t mind.”

“He’s got things to do,” you interceded. “You’ve got things to do, Fiyero.”

He smiled knowingly. “I certainly do. You lovely ladies have a fine rest of your day.” He looked at you and said your name. “Don’t forget tomorrow.”

“How could I?” you said weakly. 

Fiyero chuckled and bowed his head in lieu of more parting words. The second he left, Cora turned to you with wide eyes. 

“Don’t,” you warned. 

“He came here to talk to you!” she exclaimed. “He found out your room number because he wanted to talk to you!” 

“Be quiet!” you exclaimed. “The door is still open—he can probably hear your screeching!”

Coralie shut the door and squealed. “He likes you!”

“We are project partners,” you enunciated. “Nothing more.” 

“Oh, I’m sure that’s what you think,” she said. “Just like I’m sure that he wants to be more.” 

“You’re acting like he isn’t with Galinda,” you said. “She controls this whole school—do you remember what happened to Elphaba when she didn’t like her?” 

Cora shrugged. “Sure. But I’ve been hearing there’s trouble in paradise.” 

That got you paying attention. “What?” 

“I knew it!” Coralie exclaimed—nearly yelled, honestly. “I knew you liked him!” 

“Be quiet!” you whisper-yelled. “Oz, what is wrong with you?” 

“I knew you liked him!” she repeated. “And he likes you— oh, it is too perfect!” 

“He does not like me,” you insisted, “and you are crazy.” 

“You didn’t say that you didn’t like him,” Coralie sung, and you screwed your eyes shut. 

“Fine!” you finally said. “Fine— I like him. Will you stop now?”

“Of course not,” she said, and you sighed. “How bad do you have it?”

“I don’t have it bad,” you scoffed. “I just— I enjoy spending time with him. And I think he’s kind of cute.” 

“Oh, you are full on head over heels,” she mused. “You just don’t know it. It’s okay.” 

You groaned as you buried your head in your hands. “I hate you.” 

She laughed. “And you like Fiyero.” 

“Shut up.” Your words were muffled, but you meant them all the same. 

You were comically doomed. 

-

The next day went… shockingly smooth. 

Fiyero was in the library when he said he’d be—he was even there before you, much to your surprise and he still had the notebook and pen you’d given him, much to his surprise. He made sure to bring an extra canteen of water for you, because he noticed you never had any with you. You were probably concerningly dehydrated. 

He tried to be a more attentive student to you than he’d ever been at any of his classes—not that that was difficult. You explained your outline and all the work you’d already done, what he could do on the last five pages and how to make his writing voice match yours to make a consistent paper. 

He wrote notes both on what you knew about Ilara Mayfair (a ridiculous amount, in his opinion) and anything else you thought he needed to know (also a ridiculous amount).

He was impressed most of all, though. No wonder you’d isolated yourself from near the entire student body and stressed over every letter in every sentence in every assignment. You were incredibly intelligent, but you were also able to explain everything in a way that even he understood. Fiyero had never really cared about… well, anything relating to school before he ended up partners with you. 

But now, Fiyero found himself surprisingly entranced by it all. He’d always liked your voice, and he had a permanent smile on his lips watching you talk so easily about your passions. It put a spark in your eye and a brightness about you that was usually bogged down by everything else that you stressed about. 

You were beautiful, especially when you were happy. And Fiyero had discovered over the past week that you were happiest when you got to talk about what you cared about to an interested audience. He only regretted acting like he wasn’t interested for so long. 

Finally, when Fiyero called a break on account of his hands aching (he’d never written this much in his life, and it still was only half of what you did basically every day), and you were eating an apple (that he also brought, because you really didn’t take care of yourself when you were doing work, which was always), he smiled at you. 

“You know, we really do make a good team,” Fiyero said. 

You swallowed the bite of apple you had in your mouth and cocked your head as you looked at him. “You think?” 

“I know,” he nodded. “You’ve done the impossible, darling. You’ve actually made me care about school.” 

“Well, I think you’ve done the impossible too.” You lifted the apple up. “You made me care about my health during midterms season.” 

“It certainly wasn’t easy,” he said wryly. “You kind of took it all kicking and screaming.”

You shrugged. “I’m not top of our class for nothing.” 

“Do you have to stress yourself into misery to be top of the class?” he asked. 

“I’m not miserable,” you retorted. 

It was when you said things like that that Fiyero really began to worry about you. It was part of the reason he was so intent on staying by your side through this whole project—no matter how dull he found the material—after the first session. He sometimes saw you around campus, usually carrying a stack of books or talking with your roommate.

After Fiyero was paired with you, he wondered why he didn’t see you more before it all, considering how active you were with literally everything school-wise. Then he realized you were likely always in the library, and the only time he’d visited the library was on Galinda’s tour. You were there, well enough, but you took your leave as soon as things started getting rowdy. 

A shame, he realized. He wondered what your relationship could have been had Galinda not staked her claim on him so soon. 

You weren’t going to take care of yourself, clearly enough, so Fiyero decided—at least for the duration of this project—that he would. It didn’t really matter if you were top of the class if you passed out from stress, exhaustion, annoyance, or a mix of all three. Likely a mix of all three. 

He didn’t really anticipate those feelings morphing into genuine affection. 

“I seem to recall you saying you dream of your future assignments,” Fiyero said, coming out of his thoughts. “That doesn’t sound like the habit of a happy person.”

“Oh, please,” you scoffed. “Everybody has stress dreams.” 

“You know, I really don’t think they do,” Fiyero said. 

You rolled your eyes as you picked your pen up with your free hand and jotted down a few more sentences. “Sure.”

“On that note,” he said, “why don’t we call it a day?”

“We can’t call it a day,” you said. You took another bite from your apple and swallowed, continuing to write all the while without looking at him. “We’re not finished yet.”

“That is the most casually you’ve said that so far,” Fiyero mused. “I really am making progress.”

You laughed, finally paying him mind. “Progress with what?”

“I’ve been tracking your smiles and laughs this whole time,” he said. “See, this essay was your project, but that was mine—trying to make you enjoy your life.”

“This essay is both of our projects, Fiyero,” you said. “Besides, I don’t think Doctor Dillamond will accept your bar graph of all the times I laughed at you making a fool of yourself.” You frowned. “Or would it be a line graph because it’s over time? Or maybe it could be—”

“Alright,” he interrupted. “You’re going into hypotheticals on my joke. That’s clearly the sign that we need to call it a day.”

“…Fine,” you reneged. “But it’s just a break, not calling it a day. And I get to finish proofreading the rest of the essay when we get back.”

“A compromise,” Fiyero said. “Love it.”

You rolled your eyes as you started gathering your things. “You love everything.” 

“Eh,” he tilted his head, and you felt his eyes on you. “Most things.” 

You couldn’t help your smile, much as you tried to bite it back. “Whatever.” 

Soon enough, you and Fiyero were sitting together by the dock. You let your legs dangle over as you watched the scenery around campus—the ripple of the water, the gentle brush of the wind, the chirping birds that flew around without a care.

“Isn’t this nice?” Fiyero asked. He also had his legs over the edge, but he’d laid down against the stone. 

“You don’t have to push your relaxation propaganda so hard anymore,” you said wryly. “I’m here, aren’t I?” 

“And I’m grateful for it,” he said. “Someone that works as hard as you do deserves to relax the same amount.” 

“We’ve gone over this a thousand times—”

“I know,” he interrupted. He turned his head to smile at you. “I just have to hope that some of it sticks.” 

You rolled your eyes, once again unable to hide your smile. “And I have to hope for the same with this paper. Do you think you’ll remember any of this once we turn it in?”

“Oh, but of course. You were the one to teach it to me, after all. I could hardly forget it all.” 

“Good,” you said. “Everyone should know about Ilara Mayfair.” 

Fiyero chuckled, and you once again fell into comfortable silence. 

That was the thing that shocked you the most, you think. Not that you were beginning to like Fiyero, or that you actually liked Fiyero, or that you actually looked forward to spending time with him. It was that you were so comfortable just sitting with him in silence. 

It was very difficult to get to the silence, though. Fiyero couldn’t really stay quiet, and you didn’t know if he liked talking or the sound of his own voice. But you found it didn’t really annoy you like it used to. 

Great Oz. You really were into him. How embarrassing. 

Eventually, when the strain in your wrists and fingers from writing had finally faded, you turned your head to look at Fiyero. “I think it’s time we go back.”

He sighed. “Already?” 

“It’s been fifteen minutes,” you said. “Far longer than the breaks I usually take.” 

He opened his mouth, likely to say something of the same ‘you need to relax’ ilk, but you held up your hand. “Don’t. Just be thankful you got me away for this long.” 

Fiyero smiled, and he pulled himself up off the ground. “I always am.” 

He held his hand out, and you stared at him for a moment. “Why do you always do that?” 

“Help you up?” 

You nodded. “I can do it myself.” 

He shrugged. “I told you it was my project to make your life easier.” 

“You said it was your project to track my happiness,” you said. 

“And they go hand in hand,” he said. “I’m surprised you remember.” 

“It happened thirty minutes ago, Fiyero,” you said wryly. “Besides, I remember everything. It’s a gift.” 

Fiyero laughed, and you finally took his hand. He pulled you up and once again, you tumbled a bit too close—and again, his hand fell to your waist. He had to be doing this on purpose by now. 

“We keep finding ourselves in this position,” Fiyero mused. 

Heat flooded your cheeks like usual. “And whose fault is that?” 

“Well,” he said, tilting his head, “you’re not exactly pulling away.” 

Your mouth opened, trying to think of what words to say when your head was reeling from his mere presence. But then you saw a flash of pink in the background, and your eyes darted away from Fiyero. 

Galinda. She was distracted, talking with Pfannee and Shenshen as she went down the stairs. Oz, how did she slip your mind so easily whenever Fiyero was in your proximity? Why did you let him get this close when he was spoken for? 

You panicked—nothing less. You tore out of Fiyero’s grasp with a bit too much gumption, and then you stumbled, then you slipped, and then you fell. Fiyero called your name in shock, reaching his hand out, but it was too late. You’d plunged into the water before you could save yourself. 

The cold water instantly shocked all your senses, your eyes widening as you gasped out on instinct. Your mouth filled with water and your muscles seized up from the change in temperature—it was so much deeper than you’d imagined, and all your layers of clothing weighing you down were of no use. 

You tried your damnedest to ignore the alarm bells going off in your head as you fought against yourself, finally gathering the sense to swim. You kicked your way up to the top, gasping for air once when you breached the surface. 

You heard Fiyero yell your name again and you blinked rapidly, trying to clear the water from your eyes. When everything finally came into focus, you saw him on his knees, his coat shed and his sleeves rolled up. 

His eyes were wide as he reached his hand out, once again saying your name—this time with a certain desperation. “Are you alright?”

You tried to respond but all you could do was cough, trying to expel the water from your lungs. You took his hand and he helped pull you up onto the dock, where an exhale shuddered out of you.

“I— I am so sorry,” he stammered. It was the first time you’d ever seen him flustered, and you were too busy hacking up a lung to point it out. “Obviously I didn’t think—”

You held up your hand in lieu of saying something, as you didn’t think you could say something. 

This was so stupid, and it was something that never would have happened before you and Fiyero started working together. Your paper was due in two days, you’d only just finished the draft, you still had so much proofreading and rewriting to do, and instead, you were here on the docks soaked to the bone. 

And you found yourself laughing. 

“Oh, Oz,” Fiyero said. “You’ve lost it.” 

You couldn’t refute it, because you kept laughing. You could feel the eyes of your classmates on you, could hear them whispering to each other—likely making fun of you—and it only made you laugh harder. 

“Are—” Fiyero chuckled nervously as he said your name, “are you okay?” 

“I’m soaked,” you got out through your laughs. “And everyone saw me fall into the water. I’m a fool, Fiyero!” 

He was still staring at you in that careful way, as if you were made of glass. “I can’t tell if you’re mad or not.” 

“Oh, Fiyero.” You wiped the trailing water off of your face and wrapped your arms around him. You felt him freeze beneath you for the slightest moment—it had to have been the last thing he expected you to do. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Fiyero returned the hug, his movements still unsure. He didn’t seem to care that you were getting him wet, just about your wellbeing. “What— what for, exactly?” 

For a moment, you couldn’t look away. His blue eyes were meant to enrapture, his soft lips typically an invitation sealed with a smirk. But for once, Fiyero looked genuine—he wasn’t putting on a performance, or trying to seduce anyone who looked at him. He was genuinely sorry, genuinely confused. It only made you laugh again.

“What for, indeed.” A higher voice pierced through the air, and you separated from Fiyero immediately. Galinda, to no surprise, had found her way over to the chaos you’d created, her compatriots flanking her on either side. She smiled at you brightly, but her whole demeanor was like a violin string pulled taut. 

“Galinda,” Fiyero said. “Lovely to see you.” He didn’t seem half as shocked as you at her appearance, but his words fell flat. 

“And you as well, dearest.” Her smile turned sickly sweet as she shifted her attention to Fiyero momentarily, taking the opportunity to lace her fingers with his and pull him into a kiss. He pulled away first, but if it affected Galinda, she didn’t let it show when she looked back at you. She batted her eyelashes as she said your name incorrectly. “What was it you were saying?” 

The sudden combination of cottonmouth and sour guilt creeping up your throat didn’t really help your already flustered state. She knew what she was doing—but you did too, didn’t you? 

She was with Fiyero. You knew that. And though Fiyero danced across the line, you took his hand every time he offered. 

“I—” you cleared your throat, attempting a casual smile of your own. “Just that I know why Doctor Dillamond put us together.”

“Excellent,” Fiyero said. “Off-topic, but excellent— are you sure you didn’t hit your head down there?” 

“Perhaps you should go to the nurse,” Galinda said. “I’m sure Shenshen could—” 

“I’ll be fine,” you interrupted, your smile tightening ever so slightly. You looked at Fiyero. “Meet me at the library tonight, and bring coffee. We’re finishing this project tonight. 

“Of course,” he nodded.  

You nodded as well, and you started to go. Galinda’s gaze was sugary sweet poison, and you couldn’t take the weight of it anymore. 

“Wait,” Fiyero spoke up. 

You stopped against your better judgment, and he let go of Galinda’s hand to take his jacket off. He moved closer to you and wrapped it around you. His touch, light but certain, lingered on your shoulders once he’d finished adjusting it, and his gaze stayed on yours 

“Until you can change,” he said. 

“...Thank you,” you said. 

Galinda cleared her throat extremely loudly, her taut smile back. You remembered yourself and stepped away from Fiyero. 

“I’ll see you tonight,” you said, already starting on your way. You wouldn’t let him stop you again. 

“Tonight,” he agreed, bowing his head in parting. 

You only glanced back once you were by the stairs. When you did, you saw Galinda speaking rapidly to Fiyero—you were too far away to hear anything, but she didn’t look happy. When your gaze drifted to him, you found he was already looking at you. Almost subconsciously, you tugged his jacket tighter around you. When you realized what you were doing, you stopped. You averted your eyes immediately and hurried up the stairs. 

You weren’t out of breath from exertion. 

[sceletaflores]

where there’s sparks, there’s fire!

pairing: patrick zweig x fem!reader

summary: you can’t tell if patrick hates you as much as you hate him. every time you see him he’s constantly talking to you, touching you, trailing behind you. but he’s only doing all that to piss you off. you think back to tashi telling you it’s obvious that he wants to fuck you. you don’t see it. patrick wants to fuck everyone, you’re not special.

—or: patrick zweig is a slut. you can't stand him.

word count: 4.6k

contains: 18+ SMUT MDNI, p in v, rough sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it y’all!), public sex (doing it in a coat closet lmao), more hate sex, swearing, fighting as foreplay, light choking, light hair pulling, degradation, even more hints of mean!reader cause i really do live for that shit, tashi and reader are cute besties always, porn with a little plot, no use of y/n.

author’s note: i originally wanted to post a tashi fic next but i realized i don't have any like actual full on plot filled patrick works lmao i felt bad neglecting him and my patrick girlies so yeah. once again had literally so much fun writing this, like i hardcore love this niche!!! i ride so hard for it!!! the tashi fic i'm working on also falls into this category lols and yes this is fourth of july themed and it's late shut up i cannot write fast for the life of me...anyway! to the anons who requested something like this, hope you love it! okay bye mwah xoxo.

Patrick Zweig is a huge slut.

Everyone knows that. He doesn't even go to Stanford but he's still somehow managed to sleep with a third of the girls on campus, maybe even more than a few guys too if the rumors going around are true.

You hate him. Hate isn't even a strong enough word. You loathe him. You despise him. You detest him. Pick any other fancy synonym, the point still stands. You just really fucking hate him.

It blows your mind that someone as sweet and angelic as Art would be best friends with someone like him. Someone who's so obnoxious, so arrogant, so crass. Art’s the guy that goes out of his way to protect you from the gross frat bros at parties, only to bring his very own as a plus one.

Sigma Nu throws a rager every year on the fourth, extending invites to those who are still in Stanford for the summer. The women’s tennis team is always invited, and Tashi always ends up convincing you to go. Well, she’s less convincing than she is more forcing you, but it’s basically the same thing to her anyway. She did your makeup and wrestled you into a Hollister dress, vowing to get you laid as she straightened your hair.

Tashi’s almost more invested in your sex life than you are, constantly hand-picking guys on campus for your consideration. She actually offered up Patrick once when you told her you wouldn’t fuck any of the guys on campus at all. The two of you were practicing, she suggested it as casual as ever while returning your serve. You were so shocked you stopped in your tracks, letting the ball fly right past you. She assured you she wouldn’t mind if you did, that what the two of them had was quote “Nothing serious, he’s just a really good fuck.” and that you should “Totally do it. He definitely wants to fuck you, I can tell.” 

You just brushed her off, ignored the way she smirked knowingly at you over the net. Your cheeks burned as you served again, you wrote it off as annoyance. As if you would ever let Patrick Zweig fuck you.

You lost Tashi when she took off to the bathroom, texting you that she’d be a while thanks to a long line outside the door. You were leaning against a wall nursing a half-empty cup of jungle juice when he came up to you. You can’t remember his name, you think it starts with a B. Something like Brandon? Or maybe Brian? One or the other.

He’s Sigma Nu’s secretary, you sit three seats down from him in your economics lecture. Tashi says he has a crush on you, and he’s nice for a frat guy but he’s definitely not your type. He’s been droning on about his upcoming trip to his family's summer house in Cabo for almost ten minutes. You try your best to seem interested, humming and nodding every couple seconds. You’re in the middle of tuning him out when a loud, familiar voice calls out your name. 

“There you are!” Patrick Zweig shouts from a few feet away, ugly American flag patterned flip flops smacking against the ground as he makes his way over to you. He’s wearing a bright red button down and white cargo shorts you scrunch your nose up at. He’s tanner than the last time you saw him, legs long and even more toned. “I’ve been looking everywhere for that pretty face.” He coos sweetly, his hand that isn't holding a bottle of Bud Light comes up to pinch your cheek.

You scoff, smacking his hand off your face. “You found me, so you can go bother someone else now,” you say, rubbing your cheek lightly. “Bye.” You press, waving your hand dismissively when he makes no move to walk away.

Patrick grins, unfazed by your reaction, he steps in even closer. “Yeah, I missed you too,” he says breezily, his breath smells like cheap beer and camel blues. He’s just as tall as you remember. He has tacky blue shutter shades resting on the top of his head. His eyes rake over your body shamelessly, lingering on the low dip of your neckline. “Cute dress.” 

You ignore him, rolling your eyes before turning your attention back towards Brandon/Brian. He’s silent now, eyes flicking between you and Patrick skeptically. “Are you like, together, or something?” 

You laugh loudly, quickly shaking your head ‘No’. Patrick beats you to speaking though, “God no, man.” he says through a laugh, dark curls bouncing as he shakes his head. “I came over here to warn you.” He continues, voice and expression going overly serious like he’s not talking out of his ass.

Brandon/Brian’s brows furrow, clearly confused. “Warn me?” he asks, head tilting to the left slightly. His puka shell necklace makes a small clicking sound as he moves. 

Patrick nods his head gravely, clapping his free hand down on Brandon/Brian's shoulder a little too roughly to be considered friendly, shaking him back and forth like a rag doll. “Yeah, best of luck trying to get inside that snatch, man.” he says earnestly, jerking his head in your direction. “Cause’ she’s really fucking picky–”

You whip your head in his direction to cut him off, grimacing in disgust. “You would say snatch, you sick fuck.” you snap, red solo cup crunching quietly in your hand. Patrick just laughs, dropping his hand from Brandon/Brian’s shoulder. Anger stews inside you the longer he looks at you with that stupid shit-eating smirk on his face. 

You can’t tell if Patrick hates you as much as you hate him. Every time you see him he’s constantly talking to you, touching you, trailing behind you. But he’s only doing all that to piss you off. You think back to Tashi telling you it’s obvious that he wants to fuck you. You don’t see it.

Patrick wants to fuck everyone, you’re not special. Sure, he may feel the constant need to be a horn-dog when he’s around you. That doesn’t mean anything. Patrick’s just gross, constantly making crude comments or lame innuendos. What Tashi fails to see is him making sex jokes around you is just another way he can piss you off. It’s not an open invitation into those god-awful shorts. 

Patrick takes a small step back, big hands raising in mock surrender. “Alright, alright. Put the claws away,” You try to ignore the way him saying your name in that goddamn infuriating condescending tone makes your cheeks start heating up. Patrick leans his shoulder on the wall next to you, looking down at you with a small grin on his face. “I actually wanted to congratulate you on cracking the top twenty.” He takes a long sip of his beer, head lolling to the side lazily as he swallows. “Lucky number 14.”

You’re not too proud to admit that Patrick is kind of hot, especially in this lighting. He’s objectively a hot guy, and he knows it. All tall and firm looking even in his horrendous outfit. But he’s kind of cute too, in an ass-holey way. His hair's a mess of soft-looking black curls and his ears stick out from his head sort of endearingly. He’s close enough that you can see he’s got a little brown in his eyes, and long lashes. There’s a handful of freckles sprinkled over the bridge of his nose. 

His big, strong nose that looks like it could work wonders between your legs. Or at least that’s what you’ve heard from Jen in your chem lab. Maybe this jungle juice is stronger than you thought.

Patrick's smirk widens, wolfish and dirty like he can see what you’re thinking. “That’s pretty impressive.” he continues, his tone a mix of genuine admiration and teasing. "Especially for someone who's always so...busy." He lets the last word hang in the air, a clear innuendo that makes your blood boil all over again.

"Busy training," you snap back, not willing to let him get under your skin any more than he already has. "Some of us have actual work ethic, Patrick. We put in the hours on the court instead of fucking anything that breathes, you know? So we don’t look like idiots that get their ass handed to them on tour by nobody scrubs."

You can feel the heat start to simmer in your stomach, anger and frustration bubbling beneath the surface as Patrick's presence continues to grate on your nerves. The tension between you is thick, amplified by the chaotic energy of the party swirling around you. You see Brandon/Brian take a long, awkward sip of his beer as he steps away, turning on his heel to quickly disappear into the sea of bodies crowding the living room. You roll your eyes internally, pussy.

Patrick grins, not deterred in the slightest. “You’ve been keeping up with my matches?” His voice is low and pleased sounding, shiny green eyes slowly getting swallowed by the black of his pupils. 

You pause, owlishly blinking up at him in silence. You’ve been caught. Shit.

You can feel the immediate warmth of embarrassment burning hot on your cheeks as you cast your gaze to the floor. “Only when I need to cheer myself up, a losing streak that high is actually laughable.” You mutter to the floor, lightly swirling your drink in your cup. 

Patrick laughs loudly, throwing his head back in amusement. “Still thinking about me though.” he says matter-of-factly, a lazy grin taking over his face.

His audacity sends another wave of anger and embarrassment through you, your grip tightens around your cup. "Only because you make such a spectacle of yourself," you retort sharply. "It's hard not to notice when you're crashing and burning so publicly."

Patrick's grin doesn't falter. If anything, it widens. "I'll take what I can get from you," he says, his tone a blend of amusement and something else that you can't place. "But seriously, congratulations. You deserve it."

His unexpected sincerity throws you off, and for a moment, you don’t know how to respond. It's rare to see Patrick in a light that isn’t coated in sarcasm or sleaze. You catch a glimpse of something genuine in his expression, something that almost resembles respect, and it confuses you.

It confuses you, and it makes something warm start to burn in your stomach. You can’t afford to feel any warm, fuzzy feelings around a guy like Patrick, not if you don’t want to get majorly fucked over the second he gets bored of you. 

You don’t know how to react so you do what makes sense, you lash out.

“God, will you just fuck off and leave me alone Patrick,” you say, tone over-dramatic and long-suffering as you tip your head up to the ceiling in annoyance. “I’m trying to have fun.” A lie. The party kind of sucked compared to last years. You were planning on talking Tashi into leaving when she came back, but he didn’t need to know that.

Patrick’s cool exterior finally cracks, letting out a quiet huff of disbelief as a frown starts tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Jesus Christ, what the hell is your fucking problem? I’m being sincere.” The playful light in his eyes is gone, replaced by something darker.

You let out a loud laugh, shaking your head in amusement. “Maybe I’d believe that if you weren’t such an ass. I know you too well, Patrick.” You say, tone mean and condescending. You know he’s right, on some level, but that doesn’t stop you. 

Patrick is silent for a beat, eyes boring into yours with an intensity that makes you want to start squirming. He lets out a quiet, bitter laugh, bringing his beer up to his lips to take a long sip. You watch the way his throat moves as he swallows, the way his lips look wrapped around the neck of the bottle. You feel a familiar heat start to pool between your legs, thighs clenching involuntarily as your mind envisions something else his slick, pink lips would look good wrapped around. 

He drops the bottle to his side, finally breaking the silence. “You know, now I do believe you.” he says casually, swiping his tongue over his lips lazily. “You must really not be getting any dick acting like this much of an uptight bitch.”

You reel back in shock, his words hitting you like a punch in the gut. The wave of fury that sweeps through you is almost tangible, your vision narrowing to a tunnel that begins and ends with Patrick’s infuriatingly smug face. “What did you just say?” you ask completely taken aback, voice low and rough. Your hand twitches at your side with the need to throw your drink in his face, anger and embarrassment lapping white hot flames in your stomach. 

Patrick just scoffs, heated gaze not breaking from your own. “You heard me.” He says, jaw set stubbornly. “You need like, emergency dick, or something to chill the fuck out for once.” 

You feel your heart rate spike, your free hand clenching into a tight wrist by your side. “You’re a fucking pig.” your voice shakes with anger, you feel sweaty and hot all over. The heat swirling between your legs is persistent.

Patrick laughs, a loud and infuriating sound. “Come on, we both know you’re fucking begging for someone to give you what you need.” He says like it’s obvious, you clench your fist a little tighter. He takes a step closer, voice dropping down to a whisper meant just for you. “I can help you with that. I can fuck all that bratty shit right out of yo–”

You’re reacting before you can stop yourself, hand flying up to slap him hard across the face. The loud crack pierces through the room, loud enough that a few eyes turn in your direction. Patrick's head snaps to the side, the shades resting on the top of his head fly off. 

Your heart stops, hands shaking with the realization of what you just did. You expect Patrick to flip out, start shouting and threatening to sue you or whatever else it is that rich people do. Time seems to slow down as he turns his head, and when he looks back at you, there's no trace of anger in his eyes. Instead, they're dark with something else entirely— something that makes your stomach flip.

He licks his lips, a slow, deliberate motion, and then he laughs, a low, throaty sound that sends shivers down your spine. A clear hand print grows steadily, red and angry on his cheek. "Fuck." he breathes, his hazy eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that makes your breath catch in your throat. 

You’re stuck staring at each other for what feels like hours, the music and chatter from the party reduced down to a low hum as you’re caught under Patrick’s heavy gaze.

He drops his beer bottle on the floor carelessly, hand shooting out to grab your wrist tightly and drag you away from the living room. Your cup falls from your grip, splashing down onto the hardwood in a red sticky mess. You fall into step behind him, letting him guide you into the hallway outside the living room before he lurches to a stop in front of a closed door, ripping it open and shoving you inside. Patrick follows quickly, closing the door behind him and bathing the coat closet in darkness. 

It’s a tiny closet, you’re pressed up against too many coats fighting for space on the tiny rack, kicking loose shoes around as you try to find your footing. “Patrick, I–” You start, but you're cut off by a strong hand gripping your forearm and whipping you around. Your back hits the door with a dull thud, you don’t have any time to react before his lips are on yours.

The kiss is the opposite of gentle, Patrick’s lips are almost violent as they move with yours. Your hands tangle in his soft hair, kissing back just as roughly. He hisses into your mouth as you twist the strands in your grip meanly, pressing you into the door harder. His tongue forces its way past your parted lips, claiming your mouth fiercely. He tastes like beer, his fingertips are rough and calloused on your skin, pulling you closer as if he wants to meld into you.

“If you don’t want this, say the word and I’ll stop right now.” He says against your lips, breathless and rumbly. His hands squeeze your hips reassuringly, his own version of sincerity softening the moment.

Yeah fucking right.

“Zweig,” you say slowly, yanking his hair roughly. “If you don’t shut up and fuck me in the next ten seconds, I’ll kill you.”

Patrick grins wildly, surging forward to connect your lips again. Your hands find the buttons of his shirt as the two of you kiss, working them open one by one until you get too frustrated and rip the two half-open sides apart. Buttons clatter onto the floor of the closet, Patrick groans into your mouth, breaking the kiss with a huff. “I liked that shirt, dick. You owe me twenty bucks.”

You’re not listening, eyes trained on the bare skin of his chest as everything seems to slow down for a second. Of course, you’ve seen Patrick shirtless before, when he’s on the court and it’s above ninety or when he’s taking up space in Art’s dorm. This feels different, a completely new situation where it’s actually okay for you to stare at the expanse of his torso. 

You can’t help reaching out to touch him again— running your greedy hands down his chest, his abs, the sharp ‘v’ cut of his hips that makes its way into the waistband of his shorts. Your manicured nails scratch through the dark hair of his happy trail, you can see the muscles in his stomach jump.

“Fuck,” you whisper breathlessly and immediately regret it. He was already insufferable— all you fucking needed was for him to know how you felt right now. How the sight of his barely undressed body is making your pussy soak through your panties.

Patrick doesn’t even gloat, just uses his tight grip on your hips to flip you so you’re pressing onto the door harshly. He impatiently yanks the skirt of your dress up, wasting no time in hooking a finger on the lace of your panties and moving the fabric to the side for easier access.

You hear him pop the button of his shorts open, his zipper following close behind. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.” He says, sliding the thick tip of his cock through your slick lips, brushing himself against your entrance teasingly. “I’m gonna make you think twice about bitching me out ever again.” He seals his promise by grabbing your hair and yanking, causing a surprised whine to fall from your lips. His voice is so patronizing, but you aren’t getting mad like you should be. You’re just getting wetter, getting desperate with the need for him to get inside you right fucking now.

You grit your teeth in frustration, exhaling sharply through your nose. “I hate you.” You hiss, grinding back against his hard cock. You gasp raggedly as he starts to sink himself inside you, not stopping until his hips are flush against your ass. “Shit!” Your hands grip the door so hard you’re scared one of your nails will break. The stretch of him burns in the best way possible. You’d never say it out loud, not wanting to inflate his ego anymore than you probably already have, but he’s definitely the biggest cock you’ve taken. Almost porn-star big.

“I know.” He replies easily, hiking your thigh up with his hand as his hips start to pound mercilessly into the meat of your ass, not even giving you time to get used to the thick stretch of him. The loud smack of skin on skin fills the tiny closet easily, you hope to God the amount of clothes shoved in here somehow muffles the sound. The rough denim of his shorts scratches against your raw skin, adding to the sting of his hips.

Patrick was pounding into you in a way that makes you feel every inch of him. His cock felt impossibly big, filling you up like he was carving a place for himself inside of you. The sting in your pussy at the stretch of him is mind-numbing, you think you’d collapse from how hard your thighs were shaking if he wasn’t practically holding you up.

His big hand grips the sensitive skin of your inner thigh hard enough that it’ll probably be bruised by tomorrow. You distantly hope he’s high up enough that your tennis skirt will cover it, because if not it’ll be a hard thing to talk your way out of.

You throw your head back, a strained moan erupting from your lips. Your nails scratch at the paint on the door's edges, raking small lines down the wall. The loud squelch of your pussy’s overflowing wetness every time he sinks back inside you would be embarrassing if you had the mental capacity to care.

“Fuck yeah, keep making those slutty sounds, baby. Want the whole fucking party to hear how good I’m making you feel on this cock,” he mutters, hiking your leg up higher so he can pound into you deeper.

He drops your thigh, sliding his hand up your body and around your throat. You whine loudly, pushing back into his thrusts harder. Guys have tried the choking thing in the past, but Patrick’s hand is the only one that’s felt right. His long fingers curling around your throat like they belong there.

“Shit, fuck- don’t stop.” you mewl, lips parted in ecstasy. His hand squeezes a little tighter, not enough to cut off your breathing, just enough to get your eyes rolling back into your head as your pussy weeps around the thick length of his cock.

“That’s it, taking my fucking cock like you were made for it,” Patrick grates through a groan, gripping your hips and pulling out from your tight hole to spit on where his cock bumps up against your entrance before plunging back in.  You jolt at the extra wetness, whining at how dirty it is. “So fucking tight— does it hurt, baby?” he asks in a barely breathless voice, laughter edging his tone. “Is my fat cock hurting your tight little pussy?”

“God– shit, yes!” you sob loudly, cheek rubbing against the wood of the door as you nod your head frantically. “Hurts so fucking good.” You stop caring about inflating his ego, letting moans fall freely from your lips as you get closer to the edge.

“Fuck yeah, I’m gonna come,” he grunts, his rhythm growing sloppy and erratic as his muscles tense. He wraps your hair in his other hand, pulling hard enough to make your neck crane back awkwardly. He leans forward, lips brushing against the shell of your ear. “I can feel you, fucking clenching up on me so tight,” he whispers, still pounding into you roughly. “I know you’re close. Do it. Come all over my cock like a slut.”

Patrick's hand tightens around your throat as he talks, cutting off your air for just a second. “Patrick!” Your voice sounds weak and strained, your hand coming up to wrap around his wrist desperately.

He pulls out abruptly, dropping your hair from his fist to frantically jerk his cock, burying his face in your neck. You can hear the lewd shlick shlick shlick of your wetness help his hand glide over the skin of his cock quickly. Patrick lets out a loud growl before you feel the sharp bite of his teeth sinking in where your shoulder meets your neck, muffling a loud groan of your name as he sprays hot come over the skin of your lower back and the swell of your ass. 

The feeling of Patrick’s hand wrapped around your throat as his come paints your skin has you catapulting over the edge. Eyes rolling back in your head as your convulsing pussy gushes wet over his spent cock. 

You drag in greedy lungfuls of air, chest heaving as you try to catch your breath. “You came first.” You say breathlessly, voice scratchy and hushed. Patrick chuckles against your skin, swatting the tender flesh of your ass lightly. 

“Shut the fuck up.” He mutters half-heartedly, nuzzling his nose in your neck in a way that seems far too intimate for what the two of you just did. You don’t say anything.

Patrick eventually peels himself off your back, but the warmth of his body stays wrapped around you as he starts to gently wipe your skin clean. You’re ready to scold him for using some poor guy's coat as a come-rag, but when you turn your head to glare at him he’s using the inside of his own shirt. You wrinkle your nose, but a tiny smile fights its way onto your lips. So gross, you think with a sort of reluctant fondness.

He leans over to fix your panties back over your puffy, abused pussy. Your thighs continue to shake weakly as you try to stand on your own, still unsteady without Patrick holding you up. He gives you a sweet kiss on the back of your shoulder, smacking his lips loudly. You huff out a tiny laugh, pushing away from the door to face him.

You watch him as he languidly gets re-dressed. He looks well-fucked, his hair and clothes are mess, his face is flushed and sweaty. Your eyes trail down to where he’s buttoning up his atrocious shorts. 

The fabric around the crotch is darkened with your release, wetness soaking the denim around the zipper and front pockets. You gawk at it, a mix of terror and excitement swirling through your stomach. “You can’t go back out like that.” you say to his shorts, shame burning your cheeks. 

Patrick follows your gaze down to his crotch. A pleased smirk plays on his lips when he looks back at you. “I’ll text you later.” Is all he says, zipping his fly and turning towards the door. 

“You don’t have my number.” You say, tugging the skirt of your dress down over your hips. You can slowly feel the horny fog leave your brain, leaving you clear-minded and a little panicked.

He cracks the door open, but before walking out of the closet he looks back at you over his shoulder. “Art’ll give me your number. “ He says casually with a small shrug of his shoulder. You suddenly feel sick, wondering how many other people have heard that line before getting completely ghosted. 

Patrick must see the negative thoughts running through your mind play out on your face. He gives you an actual smile, one that has his eyes crinkling up the tiniest bit at the corners. “Promise.” He says with a reassuring nod, it’s the most sincere you’ve ever seen him. You bite your lip to stop from smiling at the hope blooming in your stomach, nodding back at him slowly. He throws you one last toothy grin before he’s walking out and closing the door behind him.

You sigh contently, staring at the closed door for a few beats before your phone buzzes to life from where it's laying on the floor. You bend over to search for it, blindly rooting around until you see the tiny display light. The ringing stops before you can answer, when you flip the screen up to check your inbox you have seven missed texts and two missed calls.

Four texts and two calls from Art, and just three texts from Tashi.

arty where are you? i’ve been looking for you are you okay? hello???

tash you know you're not invisible right? everyone saw your little show have fun <3

tags are now in the comments! if you want to get tagged for any of my works just fill out this form!

mini a/n: yes i did change the title leave me lmao love you!

[djevelbl]

I sat for a second staring into my phone and pondering the blorbos bc of a shitpost and huh. Branzy really IS very much 2econd 2ight 2eer (that was fun, goodbye.) by Will Wood coded isn't he??? like, most if not ALL of the song is SO him that it's INSANE. this only happened once before to me and the previous guy can't be my blorbo anymore bc of.... reasons, so I'm happy to have another silly little guy replace him in being SO coded after one of my favorite Deranged Songs /vpos

Ramble up ahead btw, read at your own risk

you KNOW the ramble is getting serious when I do the weird Tumblr Post Partition Thing AND went from writing it on the phone to WRITING IT ON THE PC (any lengthy post I write EXCLUSIVELY on the pc bc it's more fun and comfy for me lol)

The only line I can't in good faith say I relate 100% back to Branzy is LITERALY the second one, which is a bummer lmao — "Screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth" but like. I'm throwing it out there for any other, more veteran Branzy fans to go rabid over as I have and maybe even also discover how it could be Branzy-ified bc I truly believe the WHOLE SONG can be Branzy-ified lol

SO ANYWAYS. MORE SONG LYRICS !!!!!

I specifically came to this whole thing bc of the fourth line in the song, "The devil made me do it, but I also kinda wanted to" bc YES??? THAT'S SOOO BRANZY CODED?????? like the amount of fucked up shit /aff he's done in his videos is INSANE I mean he DID make a video where the WHOLE. PREMISE was breaking 100 irl laws in the Afterhours SMP lmaooo also I'm kinda tempted to break out the fuckin LYRIC MEANINGS for this as well — hmmmm...

fuck it, we live only once and life is too fucking short/shitty to have hangups over going insane about our little guys

So yea, fourth line is all about temptation, choices and a careless sentiment as one takes full responsibility for their actions — the Devil might've offered you riches, love, security in exchage for someone's head, but ultimately you're the one who takes that step forwards to answer the siren's call; Will Wood sings here about temptation and how, at the end of the day, you're the one acting upon that temptation, how that's a thing only you can be responsible for, and how he himself doesn't care much for the guilt the word "sin" carries with it; "we'll live the way we want, and we don't care if it's considered 'sin.'" — MarsAndTheGreatExpanse on the lyric explanation in Genius (yes, Imma be quoting some of these people. yes, I'm taking it THAT seriously). All of this is very much like Branzy to do: the most recent example I think would be the Candyland mod video, where he has SUCH BEEF with gingerbread men that it's just pathetic /aff at this point lmao — he goes around killing them and hating on them SO. HARD it's really funny. Of course, there's a difference between Will Wood singing this and Branzy fucking, idk, wanting Jimmy the Gingerbread Guy's guts spilled all over the Candyland floor in an overexaggerated candygore that would belong to none other than uhhhh fucking. idk danganronpa??? but like, suspend your disbelief and be down to clown with the insanity here for a minute, thanks <3

There's also his 100 IRL Crimes In Minecraft video, where he sold Kaboodle's soul WITHOUT HESITATION the moment he was prompted for it lmfaoo (he also did racketeering, extorsion, murder, created a fucking GANG WITH REDDOONS??? spread difamation [that really fucking wasn't. no matter what the cult leader uhhh wither skulls guy was saying], was distributing illegal substances I'm pretty sure, impersonated a cop, idk what else I might rewatch that video actually). There's also his 100 Hearts Factory, where he UNIRONICALLY made a fucking child labor joke with the villagers, and was busting up unions in there at some other point as well. There's whatever in hell he has with Clown bc if Branzy is UNETHICAL AS ALL HELL /silly on his own then with Clown they're both HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, NO GOOD AT ALL /silly and I love that for them actually.

"My grip on my secrets slipping while I'm speaking in tongues" really just reminds me of Branzy's bloodlust and how everyone seems to fucking forget it's there???? even if it reminds me of it in like, a roundabout way

"Take it with a pillar of salt, H.A.L.T, it's not my fault" is all about how his words are non-literal, how he shouldn't be taken as such, and how he's the way he is from birth and he can't really change it — Branzy doesn't try to hide who he is and how he feels about things (it's his greatest asset) and he also doesn't let anyone tell him how to be (unless you're a murderous clown but like, his simping is a WHOLE different can of worms; I'm not a couple's therapist lol, I'm not paid for this shit), he just kinda is; the only reason he isn't an active threat is because he doesn't care for PVP enough to become better at it. The onlu hangup I've got with this line is the H.A.L.T thing — it's apparently a form of mindfulness recommended to people who have a hard time taking care of themselves, and it stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (might have to look into it for myself,,,,, anyways)

"I'm cut from a different kind of meat" is Will saying he's different, in a completely separate category to everyone else, and paired with the next few lines the implication becomes very obvious: you can't understand me, and you're not meant to. Branzy is so hard to put down into words sometimes because he's genuinely many things all at once: he's impulsive but plans are important to him, he's cunning but SO damn stupid, so harmless yet one of the most dangerous people I've ever seen /vpos /aff, he's kooky and charming and fun yet knows how to be intimidating if he so wishes to be, yet he's also SO pathetic wet cat man coded that it becomes IMPOSSIBLE to be scared of him,,,,,,,, GOD "I'm cut from a different kind of meat" you are, Branzycraft, you really are,,,,,

"More than you can chew, hard to swallow me" this is all about being more than people can take, more than people can understand, more and more and more and more. And honeslty he is: he's hard to put into words because his personality pulls him in all different directions and shapes, he's bigger than he lets on, more all-encompassing and somehow formless in how difficult he can be to pin down and describe — I like to think, if Branzy were ever to sing this (a demon boy can only dream sometimes,,,,,,,,), I imagine he would sound SO cheeky and teasing, kinda smug yet chill. I also love the combo of bit off more than you can chew and hard to swallow pills sounding like that

"Forget bored stiff, I got rigor mortis, call it morbid curiosity" there's something about the line, how it's written and sung that gives me a sense of flippancy that goes really well with Branzy's insane yet really chill attitude. Also the whole "death and blood and gore, LifeSteal's essence and the birthmarks It imprints into It's players" thing of LifeSteal is just. PERFECT for the line idk idc I won't take any criticisms on this point <333

"How can I commit to reality, when my third eye's open and I like what I see?" using the third eye imagery here makes the line be about how Will Wood's imagination is so interesting that nothing real can compete, and thus he just. doesn't commit to any of it — Branzy goes by whatever he fancies that very moment, almost like he lives his own fantasy as he goes about life and honestly, I kinda wish I was him ngl

"Baby, I might be crazy but I didn't lose it, no I set it free" this one's mostly self-explanatory bc like, ALL LifeStealers ARE insane to some degree — you kinda NEED to be to survive in there; if you're not ALREADY, then the culture itself WILL claim your sanity. It's only a matter of time — so OFC this line fits Branzy, especially because he is SO carefree over how he is, who he is, careless of how that affects others and simply going about life like the deranged forest creature he was born to be

"I can't ignore what's under dance floorboards, the rhythm of my heart a dead-as-disco beat" in the explanation in Genius, people say this line might be a reference to Edgar Allen Poe's (yes, this went there. get used to it) "The Telltale Heart", where a murderer stores his victim under his house's floorboards and goes mad, imagining the corpse's heartbeat gives him away — honestly this kinda reminds me of The Patches Incident in a jester walks into an amusement park by hattrem on ao3 (GO READ IT. IT'S GOOD. IT'S GREAT EVEN. GO READ IT !!!!!!) — the contributors say Will Wood might've used the metaphor to suggest he's mover or inspired by his own madness or guilt, a sentiment I'm sure Branzy shares in how he briefly hesitates before going full throttle with whatever fucked up shit he's decided is funniest this time around

"But I still move my feet" here, Will is painting us the following picture: even through the guilt or pain he might feel about something, he keeps on going and keeps on dancing "move my feet"; Branzy never fully stops, he never gives up — he might change course, redirect, take a step back to think and plan, but he never stops. He jumps through the hoops and does all the dances, and he never stops.

"To slip out of this groove, I'm free" here Will Wood is succinctly summarising the point of the song: it's fine to be a little bit (or more like a LOT) crazy, to slip out of constraints and be truly oneself, regardless of how that looks like and Branzy fucking follows this like a mantra lol

I'm gonna lightly skim over the next two lines — "Now to row, row, row my boat over the falls" and "And maybe wake up from but a dream, yeah" — bc it's just a reference to the Row, Row, Row Your Boat nursery rhyme, with a more cynical spin; something something the cheerful initial demeanor ripped appart at the hands of that bloodlustful beast living in his veins and caressing his psyche, in one swift swoop and almost instantaneously, just to disappear once again into his bloodstream and be flushed out.

Also I'm gonna talk about the whole chorus right now, and not mention it again unless it's relevant to any other lines I might be discussing:

"I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it, babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through"

The way the lines are sung, so happy-go-lucky and carefree, so flippantly and cheerfully, it all reminds me so much of Branzy's persona — so cheery and showman as everything seems to fall apart around him, and it's a coin toss whether that's to his benefit or to his detriment; he doesn't let past alliances, teamups or enemies to deter him from what he wants and what he craves — he desires someone's demise? even if through elaborate traps, he'll get it. He's only here to have fun, to come and go as he pleases.

"If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see" this one goes hand in hand with the next one, so!: "You'd look through illusions, hallucinations, and lucid dream" there it isss! simply put, people wouldn't be able to take it all in if they saw what the character sees — Branzy must've seen a lot of fucked up shit during his three or so season run in LifeSteal, and considering Tubbo is going insane over the shit LifeStealers keep pulling in The Realm SMP (YOU WERE IN THEIR HOME AT SOME POINT?? YOU WENT INTO THE TIGER ENCLOSURE GIRLIEPOP. WDYM YOU'RE FUCKING SURPRISED THAT PANGI KILLED ALL BEES IN A 1K RADIUS FROM SPAWN???? THAT CLOWN HAD ALREADY PRESTIEGED ENCHANTING ONCE AND WAS ABOUT TO DO IT AGAIN???????? WHAT) I think these lines are appropriate not even just for Branzy, but LITERALLY any LifeStealer at that lmao

I'll be honest, I've got NOTHING for "And I know that meaning can be such a pretty thing to keep" and "But I got facts and I'm not afraid to use 'em, take the good with the bad, take off the back you make a new front" so uhhhhhh I'll.... improv something? uh. um. shit uh so uhhhhhhhh something something Branzy takes everything in stride, and manages to turn it into an advantage (like acquiring the scariest player in LS as his work husband)??????? yeahhhh that works

"Some days I'm glad that I am a madman and I'd rather be that than" and "An amicable animal, mild-mannered cannibal" are about preferring one's own brand of insanity over the gentle brutality of mainstream society — Branzy kills, like everyone in LifeSteal, and in that they're all a community, yet Branzy still prefers his contraptions and elaborate plans, the honey-sweets to his personal venus flytraps and brand of death over the constant betrayal and active manipulation, the orbital cannons, the battles to the brink, the ambushing of weaker players

"But I'm more level-headed and clever than ever and I'm getting better one forever at a time" is about embracing one's madness, and being better for it — Branzy, amongs other things, is a truly terrifying /vpos character whenever he desires to be because he embraces all the twisted, dark, immoral facets to his person without a second thought, and with this he's stronger than others could ever dream of being

"And if sick is defined by what's different, well then pull the plug out and let me die" I don't think LS!Branzy has ever had a problem with dying, even there's always something pushing him to seek survival — it hurts, you're one heart closer to a permanent death, but I don't think that has always perturbed him enough to lash out and become so desperate that he'd be willing to throw caution to the wind; in this, Clown and Branzy are equals, similar to each other, going onto the main stage and performing the same steps.

"Vice-versa, vice versus virtue" here Will Wood is comparing good and bad behaviors to each other, and while there's something of a truth to what the contributor said on Genius about the usage of vice-versa specifically ("The literal meaning of 'Vice Verse' is 'with the main items in the preceding statement the other way around.' In short terms, it means 'the other way around' Following the theme of the song, Will is saying he is the polar opposite of soiety, or he is 'the other way around' in society" — AceTheBowlOfCereal23) I still think there's more to that — paired with the rest of the line, it feels to me that it all speaks of interchangeably using "good" and "bad" as adjectives for Wood's behavior, in such a way that makes both words become almost meaningless; for there will always be someone out there who disapproves of who you are, regardless of what you're doing. Branzy has a similar outlook, of considering whichever thing is happening right now as "good" or "bad" purely based on his own perception, how it might be beneficial or not, instead of using a more socially accepted definition for each and every event he comes across — especially in LifeSteal he does this, where everyone is constantly terrified of Clown and wary of him, yet Branzy only sees good things in the guy

"Well who I am I choose through all the things I do" our actions define us, somehow, in some way, and Branzy picks and chooses which ones he allows himself to be called by: he constatly says he's incapable of killing, he's harmless! Have you seen him holding a sword? Yeah, killing him is like kicking a baby in Wallmart! yet he'd managed to collect AT LEAST 100 hearts for his Big Top Tent event that closed out on Season 5, simply because people like him.

"And if it rhymes it's true, but I hate poetry" for some reason I can see him saying this even if he 100% does not mean it and is only saying it for the bit — not all of these line connections need to be that deep tbh

"Now with my moral compass pointing south, going down" Branzy has a fucked up moral compass ever since LifeSteal, next line

"With no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no respect for reality" so uh. idfk dude. this line exists — connect it back to Branzy or don't, I don't think I can

"A tourist passing through" and "Well that was fun, goodbye" are the lines Will Wood added onto the chorus to create the outro, and they just kinda remind me that Branzy is no longer in LifeSteal, but is still so influential and important to the people who keep playing the server season after season,,,,,,,,,,

Whoa, infinitely long yap session be upon ye! this was fun! I don't wanna do it again anytime soon! (might do it with PrinceZam and the three different Idol by YOASOBI English versions I'm mildly obssessed over [the official one, Trickle's and Will Stetson's]) so uh. I hope y'all enjoyed this? Question mark? Anyways!

[lowkeyrobin]

Hello!! I love your writing! Could it be possible to request Quackity with a s/o that does cosplay? Mostly done by hand, maybe they could’ve done a q!quackity or las nevadas quackity cosplay for shits and giggles

ooooo yeah of course! ; thank you for requesting and thank you for the compliment 🫶🫶

QUACKITY ; cosplayer partner

summary ; you cosplay, especially for your boyfriends SMP characters

warnings ; language

genre ; fluff

word count ; 404

masterlist

everytime you get into costume he can't help but stare at you in awe

"I can't tell if this is weird because you're dressed like a fictional version of me but I wanna make out with you"

"alex?"

lowkey obsessed with watching you take pictures and make tik toks and shit

he likes joining in on them as well for like weird fourth wall breaks LMAO

"I'm just like you!" "you're just like me!" "it's something anyone can seeeeeee"

literally spams your comments sections trying to hype you up

you're the only reason he uses tiktok

if you're hand making any props or anything in general, he's there to help

just don't give him the hot glue gun

he's one of those impulsive thoughts guys who sticks their finger into a little puddle of it to see their fingerprint but give themselves a second degree burn (me)

he thinks every little detail of your Las Nevadas Q is so fucking awesome

like it all makes complete sense and fits so well even though he never thought about it

don't get me started on QSMP Quackity either

from the ribbon on your arm for Tilin and even the slight remains of the wings, good lord he loves every little thing

going to a con? he's coming with

he's going as content creator quackity

wow he doesn't even have to dress up

but srsly he loves taking pictures with people and seeing everyone else's cosplays and shit

he'll post a photo to his Instagram story of you two at a con and be like "quackityception goes crazy"

I mean you're almost there!

dude if you're cosplaying anyone else on the qsmp he immediately has to show them like

"look who y/ns cosplaying!!"

genuinley shows you off because your creativity is so aspiring and amazing to him

you're on a whole nother level to him

if you need help with makeup he'll try and help you, but don't put a ton of faith in his hands, okay?

if you have people who edit you, he's all over them bro

every edit of you is SAVED

he's srsly your number one fan

always finding you audios to use too 🫶💔

if your cosplay clothes are safe to wash, he's doing it biweekly

if not, he'll find alternatives to not damage your stuff

honestly uses some of your q!quackity stuff as ideas for himself

and the fanartists go crazy

[cuephrase]

as someone who knows nothing about dc/batfam besides bare basics where do I even start with the comics? please send help its so confusing and sm to go through 😭🧎‍♀️

help has arrived!! my sincerest apologies for the delay, i started writing and somehow 2.5 days had passed.

full transparency, for a second i was like, "oh idk if i'm the best person to ask, i haven't been reading comics for years" and then i realized i figured my way into comics with like essentially zero prior experience so maybe i am uniquely qualified to help! that being said, if this doesn't work or you see a post from a comic veteran that looks more helpful, by all means ignore me.

first things first- it is super confusing!! there's all these big events, DC is obsessed with the word "Crisis", some labels are mainline and others aren't- don't worry about any of that. ignore the vast forest that is Comics and focus on one tree.

and by that i mean, pick one character to start with.

this post ended up turning into a behemoth when i wasn't looking so everything else is going to go under the cut!

alright, now that you have your character of choice, it's time to choose which era of comics you want to start in. there are basically 4 different eras, and you may have heard their names tossed around.

PRE-CRISIS: this is where Comics begin. this era covers comics from when they began being published up until 1985. most of this is no longer canon, but like when they hit the reboot button in '85, they didn't restart from the very beginning. so like, 90% of robin!dick comics is Pre-Crisis. some comics kept a few Pre-Crisis storylines canon, like The New Teen Titans starts before the reboot, but the pre-boot storylines are still canon. i personally have not read very many Pre-Crisis comics, i cherry-picked what looked interesting to me. unless you want to like dive in chronologically and begin at the Beginning, i wouldn't recommend hopping in here bc you'll probably get super fatigued, but yk, it is ultimately up to you. most important takeaway here is that whenever people mention Pre-Crisis, they mean old comics.

POST-CRISIS: 1985-2011. this is where most comics veterans started reading comics/what they grew up with. these are the comics that a decent amount of current comics writers/artists grew up reading/what got them into comics. there is a lot of love + nostalgia for this era, with good reason!! i do think some people who favor this era have a tendency to be close-minded in regards to current comics but re:nostalgia and there have been some dumb decisions so i get it!

NEW 52: aka, Post-Flashpoint, N52. 2011-2016 dc gets new management. they more or less decided to toss all pre-existing canon out the window and re-start in the middle. honestly, it was like they just started making fanfiction. and i don't mean that negatively, i mean like, even though they "restarted" and "anyone" should be able to jump in on an #1 in n52...the comics still assumed you had some working knowledge about the characters. which. i mean, i understand that a total restart was not plausible, (lmao imagine just snapping the vast majority of characters out of existence. they did snap some but like, a full restart would have axed even Dick technically.) i started reading comics here bc when i asked my brother-in-law (who grew up reading comics, with a dad who grew up reading comics), he was like, "omg!! start here, it'll be perfect!!" and i was like "okay!!" and then...i found myself googling. a lot. which is fine!! but idk maybe not as beginner-friendly as advertised? also, notice how this era only lasts for 4 years. it's not that none of it is relevant now, but it was a) not very well received, and b) while some of it is def still canon/referenced, a lot of it contradicts with Post-Crisis, and our fourth and final era reboots so that most of Post-Crisis is canon again. you will see a lot of hatred/dislike for comics in this era/concepts introduced here.

REBIRTH: 2016-present day. DC decided to rollback their extreme changes and soft-reboot to basically try and meld Post-Crisis and N52 timelines/continuities into one cohesive continuity. which. is a lil like trying to mix oil and water, but it is an improvement imo. all the runs restart at #1.

other people might disagree with me, but i honestly don't think it matters which era you start with. unless you start from the very beginning, you're going to have some questions. if you start in Post-Crisis, you're going to have questions when you get to N52/Rebirth, and vice-versa. and that's okay!! don't be ever be embarrased/discouraged because you have a question. google is your friend. also, odds are, if you end up enjoying comics, you'll read from all the eras. timelines will always be confusing. if you read arcs/events out of order, you'll sort stuff out. as long as you're reading what sounds interesting, you can't really go wrong. you might laugh at your decisions later, but that's okay!!

for example, personal experience, this was my intro reading order: N52 Nightwing, A Death in the Family (Post-Crisis), Under the Red Hood (Post-Crisis), Joker War (Rebirth), Robin 1994 (Post-Crisis) until like issue #11?, Rebirth Nightwing to most current release, back to Robin 1994.

clearly, I had no clue what the hell i was doing from one perspective. but in the moment, i was having a grand ole time. i read N52 Nightwing, had my mind blown at the existence of FOUR Robins, couldn't believe they KILLED one, had to see that for myself, then i had to see how his return played out, and when I was buying the UTRH trade the Joker War trade had a lil rec note from an employee, i flipped through it, thought the art was sick, was confused AF when i read it but googled for some clarity and just rolled it with it, thought Tim was neat, decided to check him out, had a rough time adjusting to the older art style, bounced back to modern comics with Dick, and then ultimately decided I could handle the art change (which, ngl, very useful skill for comics reading) and the rest is history.

even once i got more well-versed in comics, sometimes i knowingly read out of order because i just wanted to see a specific event and didn't feel like reading a ton of comics to get there. legit, read City of Bane, did not understand why Dick was not there but just accepted it and then months later was like OH!! HE WAS RIC THEN.

point is, if you're having fun, you're not making mistakes imo. am i going to recommend anyone follow my initial reading path to the T? no way!! but it worked for me.

but okay! so now, you've got your character and your era, and surprisingly the rest is really simple!! i have compiled a list for you that attempts to cover the trickier batfam entry points, but for almost any character the hopping on point is literally whichever run they're lead in: #1. for some, as you'll see with Batman, it won't be #1 in Post-Crisis but you can google, "where to start reading Action Comics Post-Crisis" and there you go. If there is a #0 issue, I would personally not recommend starting there, I would still start with #1 and then read the #0 issue when it would've come out, so like if it came out after #10, read it then. oh also, i'm sorry, i cannot offer personalized help with Barbara Gordon/Babs/Batgirl No. 1/Oracle, as of rn, i have only read her when she shows up in events/other people's runs. my best guess would be Batgirl/Bird of Prey.

now, before we get to the lists, may i present you with

MISCELLANEOUS ADVICE

there are a handful of mindsets that i think will be super helpful for breaking into comics, but the most important, especially starting out, is to make sure you're reading what interests you and that you're having fun. you can worry about slogging through significant runs later, once you've cut your teeth a bit, or never.

i would honestly ignore "best of/top rec" lists. most of those are made up of comics that hit bc they're building on a foundation. if you're brand-new, you don't have a foundation. focus on that first, rather than reading the "right" runs. comic readers, veterans and casuals and newbies- they do not all agree on what the "right" runs are. and that's bc there are so many different writers/artists. bookmark these for later, when you feel more solid in your understanding of the character and maybe want to experiment.

characters, imo, can totally be written OOC. but one of the really beautiful things about comics in my experience is that getting to see characters written by different writers really adds so much depth and dimension to them, bc diff writers are going to have different angles they want to explore. will you like all these different angles? probably not! but that's okay. you'll develop your own taste for which stories you like/what takes resonate with you the most. sometimes you might find yourself in agreement with the popular opinion, other times you might find that you loved something it seems a lot of people hate. great! there is no test, you'll like what you like and that will be perfectly valid even if no else agrees.

with that in mind, be open-minded. adjusting to older art styles can be really hard! that's totally valid! but if you try it out here and there, you'll probably be able to get used to it. you're not always going to love the art in any era. sometimes not even in the same run. i think acknowledging that you dislike it is better than trying to force yourself to like it. my rule of thumb was, if i didn't like the art style, give it 3 comics. bc by then, i'd either adjust to it (which is not the same as liking it)/or get sucked into the story and not care so much, or i would know, yeah this really isn't working for me. and then i had a decision to make: power through or drop it. sometimes you can knuckle down. other times, i've found that giving myself a break and returning to a difficult comic once i've recharged is better.

mostly the same advice for writers. although, i have learned that just because i dislike an author in X run, doesn't mean i'll dislike them in Y run, or even in the next arc they write in X run. as you go through comics, keep in mind that most storylines within a run are six issue arcs. if you're not vibing with the current arc, try skipping ahead to the next one. skimming is okay. obvs, yk, don't skim every comic you read, but if you find yourself not super interested, but feeling like there's some important stuff so you don't want to have to backtrack later, skim. again, the goal is to have fun!

other things that might trip you up-

terminology: wtf is a volume anyways?

i'm so glad you asked!! answer: it depends. so okay, if like you google a reading order list, you might see Batman (Vol. 1) #1-100, or something like that. in this case a volume is a whole entire run from start to finish. Batman Vol 1, in this example, would be synonymous with Batman (1937-2011), which includes both Pre-Crisis and Post-Crisis.

however, if you're looking at collected editions, or trades, a volume will be more like a volume of manga, where volume refers to that set of issues.

trades: this is when the publisher collects a run or event into a book that would be sold somewhere like Barnes & Noble, it can be hardback or paperback. single issues are not trades.

events: these are crossover storylines! sometimes they cross houses, so you could have issues from Batman and say, Green Lantern, but usually they're contained within a house. events that effect the whole universe are usually their own "run", like Infinite Crisis had tie-in issues from most (all) on-goings, but the core issues were Infinite Crisis #1, and so on. they range widely in scale, clearly.

on-goings: can refer to currently running comics, for example rn, Zdarsky's Batman and Tom Taylor's Nightwing are on-goings. Jason and Tim are not leading any on-goings rn. or, it can be used to refer to comics that were on-going at the time of whatever is being discussed.

variant: this has nothing to do with the comics content itself, it relates purely to the covers. most current comics have their standard cover, and then a variant or two or four. any ratio, so for instance 1:25 variant, just means that for every 25 standard copies, there is 1 of that variant. that kind of variant is usually a store incentive, so that they'll buy a certain amount of copies to sell. not all variants are rare though!

facsimile: this is when they reprint an old comic. not as a trade, just as single issue.

black label/elseworld: these are comics that are published by DC, but not part of the mainline comics' canon continuity. sometimes they'll sort of fold in black label stuff, but like, it's essentially licensed fanfic.

events: ahh!! the last page says the story continues in a different run!!

2 options:

1) ignore it, stay in your run. there'll be a couple gaps but you'll live, and google is free.

2) google "event-name-here reading order". this will give you lists that will tell you which comics to read in which order. sometimes the order they came out in is not the best reading order. some events flow better than others. also, there will be "core" issues and "tie-ins". core issues are the Main Storyline, not skippable, (if you don't want to be confused). tie-ins are character-specific, so important for that character but if you don't care about them, those issues will be skippable.

there is no wrong choice. you can change your mind, decide you want to read the event, or lose interest in the event and stick with your current run.

concurrent runs: what should you do if there are multiple runs you want to read that came out at the same time while they were being published?

again, two options.

1) read them in the order they were released. the easiest way to do this is to read month by month, so read all the issues that came out in May of X year, then June, so forth. you'll basically be simulating keeping up with current comics as they release.

2) pick a title, read it to the end, start the next one. this will have you essentially cycling through the same period from start to finish a few times, but honestly there's a lot going on in comics and outside of events where they cross-over, there isn't too much overlap, so it doesn't feel super repetitive. at least to me. plus, if you've read the event, you don't need to re-read it every time you hit it, imo. this is how i do it actually. i mean, current comics, i read the runs i'm following as they release, but for backlog, i stick to one title at a time. if i'm feeling fancy, i might read one run up to a certain point, then switch titles, then switch back, but i am max switching between 2. an example of this is actually what i'm doing rn. i read batgirl 2000 up to issue #11 (or 12?) and then switched to Batman: Gotham Knights, which is what I'm currently reading. why? B:GK starts after B2000, and i couldn't pick, so i split the difference and went semi-chronological.

finally, there's no pressure. by which i mean, you don't need to speed run. especially if you don't have a ton of free time, don't worry about being the most efficient reader, always reading runs that'll give you the most bang for your buck according to other people, etc. i mean also, there is just. so. much. content. you cannot sprint your way through, this is a marathon at best, a leisurely jog, ideally.

looking at the sheer amount of content out there was super overwhelming to me, even though i wanted to read it. it's not a quick task, so it felt impossible. like even if i finished one run, well, that was just a drop in the bucket, i'd made barely any progress in the grand scheme of things. that was paralyzing.

i ended up mocking up a list for myself of what i thought of as "key" runs. this was still an ambitious list, but like tailored to my interests. as i read/saw posts, if a title not on this list sounded interesting, i stuck it on my tbrl list. (to be read later). that was essentially me going, 'hey, this looks interesting, but my plate is full rn, so i'll save it for later.' i didn't add runs from my tbrl to my key list as i went, i focused on working through my keys first.

within my keys, i just bounced all over the place. the order made sense to me, lmao, and probably no one else. it was a very loose, "follow this character chronologically". except for dick i read him all wonky, mainly bc i started with N52, skipped some N52 to get to Rebirth, skipped some Rebirth (*cough* Ric era *cough*), switched characters, then came back to Dick, bounced to NTT, practically bounced right back off it bc the transistion from modern to 80's comic was ROUGH, went and Grayson (N52), forced myself to adjust to older comics, then went through chronologically until i hit dick!bats era bc i'd read a solid chunk of it between reading for Tim and Damian. i share all this only to say, you can read however, it'll work out.

if you're curious, it took me six months to read my whole "key" list. almost to the day, funnily enough. i don't remember the exact number, but i think it was like north of 700+ comics at least? tbh, i didn't feel like i'd read all that many comics but based off some conversations i've had, maybe it is? i have no frame of reference. operating under the assumption that that is a lot of comics, i feel like it's important that you know a) i have a ton of free time, and b) i read very fast.

set zero expectations for yourself time-wise. it's not a race, no one is judging you. don't be an idiot like me and try to calculate how long it will take you to read X amount of comics either, okay HAHA. context: when i started Robin 1993, the fact that it was 195 issues was massively intimidating. the longest run i'd read so far was 30. i averaged out my comics per day, lowballed to give myself breathing room and nearly cried bc it was going to take me 20 days (3 whole weeks!!!) to read the whole thing and that felt like an eternity. i ended up reading it in 5 days. (i was HOOKED.) on the complete opposite end of things, i started Batman: Gotham Knights...a month ago? maybe two. i'm still on #18, bc life got busy.

bottom line, you've no real idea how long it will take you to read anything, let alone your whole wish list, and it really doesn't matter how long it takes you, as long as, say it with me, you're having fun!!

god i feel annoying.

okie dokie!! i think that covers all the dilemmas i remember having, but if i missed anything, feel free to send in another ask!

BRUCE WAYNE:

Post-Crisis only bc everywhere else is just #1

Batman 1940 #404

Detective Comics 1937 #568.

DICK GRAYSON:

Dick's og robin days are allllll Pre-Crisis. i'm not sure which issues he comes in tbh. if you don't read want to start in Pre-Crisis, (valid, wise imo), most robin!Dick content is going to come from flashback storylines. but there are some robin!Dick comics that are solid, contained stories that are not Pre-crisis. not an exhaustive list but:

Robin: Year One

Batman Chronicles: The Gauntlet

Batman- One Bad Day: Mr. Freeze

and then for Dick as Nightwing, it's a lil tricky bc technically that starts in The New Teen Titans 1980. You could start at #1, or #42, which is the Judas Contract storyline where Nightwing debuts. (The title's name switches to Tales of the Teen Titans, it's the same run.)

However, if you're not interested in reading a team book, valid, then you have:

Nightwing 1995 (technically comes before the main run, this was a 4 issue prequel mini)

Nightwing 1996, start at #1. Now, if you stick with this run, there are 2 stories that are part of it but were done separately as minis so for whatever reason, on DCUI at least, they're not in the order, but you'd read Nightwing/Huntress after Nightwing #18, and then Nightwing: The Target after Nightwing #60 i believe.

Or, Nightwing: Year One. This is part of the Nightwing 1996 run, but has been collected separately, so you could start here, i suppose.

JASON TODD

okay so technically, he does not lead a title until N52. but obvs, he has relevant comics before that.

i would not personally recommend starting with UTRH. like, if that's what you want to read, valid, do what you want. but also, if you're willing to read 9-23 comics beforehand, i truly think you will appreciate/enjoy UTRH way more. bc like they just make the overall drama/angst that much more, yk? like okay if UTRH is chicken breast, you could just cook it as is and eat it. but unseasoned chicken just does not hit the way it could. add a lil salt + pepper, bam, big diff. add some legit seasoning?! now you're cooking. does that make sense?

actually okay hmm. i loathe to be prescriptive and give orders, but here, i'll lay out what i consider to be the Bare Minimum (salt and pepper) + the Crash Course (legit seasoning). no wrong choice!

Bare Minimum (9 Comics before you read UTRH):

A Death in the Family

A Lonely Place of Dying

Crash Course (23 Comics before you read UTRH):

Batman #408- 409

Detective Comics #569-571, 573-574

Batman #416, 424-425

A Death in the Family

New Teen Titans #55

A Lonely Place of Dying

Batman: Gotham Knights #43-45 (45 is the important one imo, but like it will make a lil more sense if you start at 43)

if you want to read the entirety of his og run as Robin, that would be Batman #408-425, and Detective Comics #568-#582. if you want like a whole ass breakdown of all his appearances in chronological order, check this godsend of a resource out.

and again, not to tell you what to do, but New52 Red Hood and the Outlaws is um. i'll be nice. i did not enjoy it. is it worth reading if you love Jason? honestly yeah. but i wouldn't start there, that's all i'm saying.

CASSANDRA CAIN:

Very simple!! She first appears in Batman, during the No Man's Land arc, so her issues there would be Batman #567-569, and then Batgirl 2000.

she gets deleted in the New 52 launch, (boo tomato, tomato), and isn't brought back until Batman and Robin: Eternal. then she co-lead a recent (Rebirth) Batgirls run with Steph. lots going on in B&R:E, would not recommend as a starting point.

TIM DRAKE:

Alright, honestly, with Tim all your best jumping on points are Post-Crisis. N52 Teen Titans is whack, I have yet to revisit it and power through, and if you've seen my other rec list, yk I'm not a fan of any modern runs he's lead, so i cannot in good conscience, rec those as starting points. Detective Comics Rebirth, i've heard, is solid, but a) i still haven't read it yet unfortunately, and b) he like dies. "dies". not very far in. and then, consequentially, is not present for a hot minute. so.

but anyways! you do have options in Post-Crisis!!

A Lonely Place of Dying. his intro!!

his official like debut as Robin is Batman #457, but he is in Batman comics that take place between aLPoD and #457.

Robin 1991. this is the first of 3 mini-series that take place before Tim's main run. i accidentally skipped them bc i didn't know they existed whoops

Robin 1993. his main run! the longest Robin title to run so far.

technically, Young Justice 1998 is also an option, if you're interested in the team. I started reading this after Robin #120, read the whole run, then went back to Robin. see advice on concurrent runs below.

Stephanie Brown:

tbh, not a great starting character. not because she isn't great!! she's just very much so a side character until she gets her own run, Batgirl 2009, but there is so much going on in that time-period (Bruce is dead, Dick is Batman, etc.), that like it's not super beginner friendly imo. and then they delete her when they do New 52, she gets brought back in Batman Eternal if i'm remembering correctly? And then she and Cass lead a recent (Rebirth) Batgirls run.

ik her first appearance is in Batman, although i don't know exactly which issue. she's in Robin 1993 a lot, ofc. she's also in Batgirl 2000 here and there. basically, you'll have to do some hunting and moving around if you just want to follow Steph. i do not know those issues by heart, someone somewhere has probably listed them. re: google is your friend!!

Duke Thomas:

okay so. ik he first appears at some point in the N52 Batman run, don't know the exact issue, but i'm pretty positive it's an event of some kind, could be wrong. then he is the main in a team book, We Are Robin. then i think he's a side character in Batman/Detective Comics mainly? he has a mini-series, Batman and The Signal.

i have not read his first appearance yet, i have read We Are Robin. i hesitate to say that he's not a great character to start with bc i'm pretty sure DC created him to like attract new readers, which should imply that he's a good starting character?? but like stuff is weiiiird where he comes in, Bruce is not Batman bc he doesn't have his memories (idk why yet, haven't read yet), Jim Gordon is Robo-Batman- weird. very confusing place to start, i would imagine. which is a bummer bc like, Duke is fantastic. love him. cannot wait to read more. unfortunately, there are just some characters who's existence necessitates a lot of context. i like to think they're worth the wait, though!

Damian Wayne:

he is the trickiest to hop in on imo, out of the "main" members. he is also a character who's existence necessitates context. you can def crash course him though, to an extent. honestly, with any characters that came in towards the end of Post-Crisis or later, being okay with confusion is like extra important, if you want to start with them.

2/3 of Damian's first 3 major appearances are events. i read Dami later on in my comics journey, so by then i was like, pshh, event nbd. i also read him chronologically, so i could be biased, but i do think that is best. however, yk, go for what interests you.

Post Crisis:

Batman #655-658, then The Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul, then Battle for the Cowl.

Batman and Robin: Batman Reborn. Dick!Bats + officially Robin Damian

New 52:

Batman and Robin. He's going to die. He will be resurrected. Then, Robin: Son of Batman.

Rebirth:

Super Sons

Robin

ofc, this doesn't cover everyone, but i hope this is enough to get you started!! i realize that this is long-ass post, i'm sorry i couldn't be more concise. i sincerely hope this was helpful/made stuff less intimidating, and if i failed in that regard, i'm so sorry.

i hope you have so much fun!! my ask box will always be open, and so are my dms if you have any more questions or want to freak out about comics :)

[hyperions-light]

The Unified Thedosian History Theory

Okay, while I’m on my DA conspiracy theory shit, I thought I’d move this post over here from Pillowfort, where zero ppl saw it lmao

I will link it here, so you can see that it was posted before VG came out

I was right about some stuff, but I didn’t get the origin of the Blight or that the original elves were spirits— I do still think the blood magic ritual stuff could be very interesting!

Under the cut bc loooong lol

With the announcement of the fourth DA game (TEN YEARS after the third one) I have returned to only thinking about Dragon Age literally all the time. Idc if it's bad (although it seems promising to me), there is nothing that could stop me from playing this game. Going to put my Thedas history theory under the cut, pretty much just so that if I turn out to be right about any of it I can point and be like SEE?

Spoilers for: Dragon Age: Origins + DLC, Dragon Age Origins: Awakening, Dragon Age II + DLC, Dragon Age: Inquisition +DLC, Dragon Age: The Veilguard (as much as we know in August 2024), The World of Thedas Volumes I & II, Dragon Age: The Calling, Dragon Age: Tevinter Nights, Dragon Age: Absolution, The Dragon Age Tabletop game (yeah, really)

In-Universe Sources

Okay so I'll just overview which in-universe sources I'm going to use most.

1. Solas. He was there and even though he is The Lying Man he really hates lying lol (Very funny to play through the game when you know his secret and see how many things he says are Technically true). I think that anything he considers to be factual information (how things looked, what events generally happened, etc) and is NOT his opinion of stuff can be taken as mostly factual. Idk where it concerns Mythal, because he's obviously biased toward her.

2. Vir Dirthara, Elven temples. About as reliable as Solas, biased from an ancient elven perspective and vague bordering on incomprehensible in places.

3. The Chant of Light. I think that we can say that some version of most of the events depicted happened, especially since we have first-person corroboration on the Blight stuff from Corypheus, maddeningly vague though he may be. There are several examples from Inquisition and the WoT volumes of the Chantry deliberately changing or obfuscating things to serve their purposes, so everything from them is a bit suspect.

4. Dalish folklore. At least partially correct, although maybe told from a biased perspective where it concerns the Evanuris.

The Beginning of Modern Thedas

Okay so, pre-Veil in Thedas, the dwarves and elves are most likely the only races inhabiting the continent. There is Elvish lore in the Vir Dirthara suggesting that the Evanuris at some point subdued the Titans which were revealed in the Descent DLC. I think it's likely that the dwarves' own religion and the elvish word for them (children of the stone) point to them literally being creations of the stone titans in some way (maybe they are the same race? Valta refers to the Dwarven race "breaking in two", but could also be the separation of the Sha-Brytol from the other dwarves). Considering the apparent attitude of the Evanuris and the Elvhen empire at the time, it seems likely that they were subjugated by the Evanuris and probably used for magical works, considering their blood is Lyrium.

So the Evanuris go to war; Mythal is betrayed and killed (I think it was Elgar'nan, but we'll just put a pin in that), Solas takes offense to that and creates the Veil, trapping the Evanuris in the then-Golden City in the Fade, the astral form of Arlathan. The humans do not arrive in Thedas before this point; the Chant's explanation for this is obviously incorrect, given that we know Solas and not the Maker is responsible; given that this is the primary human explanation for the Veil, it seems reasonable to assume they weren't present for its creation, since they seem to think it's just a natural phenomenon. Creating the Veil is what causes the elves to lose their immortality and inherent magical skill. The humans arrive after this and begin to build what will become the Tevinter Imperium. These events occur in close enough proximity to one another that Elven lore eventually forgets the real reason they're no longer immortal and attributes it to the influence of humanity (or, at least, some elves do).

This is when worship of the Old Gods began. They are just the Evanuris, speaking via dreams to the humans. If you remove Mythal and Solas (who were not trapped behind the Veil) from the pantheon, there are an equal number of Old Gods and Evanuris. The Old Gods are also worshiped as dragons, who will eventually become the Archdemons; the Evanuris clearly have the ability to control dragons, which you can learn if you drink from the Well of Sorrows at the end of DA:I, but I think their control was probably more direct and sustained. (Also, controlling dragons is possible via blood magic, as shown in DA: Absolution, so it's probably just an incredibly difficult/powerful spell). They also have the ability to transform into dragons, as Flemythal demonstrates in DA2. I hypothesize that the Old God dragons are still able to be controlled by the Evanuris from the Fade, and they use them as their physical avatars, as well as appearing in draconic form in the Fade.

The Evanuris teach the Tevinter mages powerful magic and help them enslave the elves, which is essentially returning them to their status quo, except they obviously would prefer not to be trapped. This is when they start suggesting to the High Priests that they should walk into the Fade and open the gates to the Golden City. Breaching the Veil and opening the cage would hopefully let them out. So, the Magisters do this, they reach the City, they open the gates.

Now it gets really interesting, because this is where the Blight gets released ("And so is the Golden City blackened with each step you take in my hall"); I think that the Blight could be one of two things: 1) A failsafe for someone letting the Evanuris out, meant to weaken/contain them, 2) A curse created or used by the Evanuris to give them control over people. I think that second one is the key, personally, and I think that explains a lot of what's happening in Thedas that hasn't been explored yet.

THE Ritual

Essentially, I think the Grey Warden Joining Ritual, the Well of Sorrows ritual, the ritual we see performed in the Horror of Hormak and the process used to turn people into Darkspawn are all the same thing. Functionally, you introduce a magically imbued bodily(? idk what it is in Hormak) fluid into the host, and then they are connected to the originator of the spell, resulting in some kind of physical/mental transformation depending on what the intent of the creator is. (It's probably blood magic or blood magic adjacent, but at this point in the series I don't think it really matters).

For the GW Joining I think it is a very diluted version of it, because the whole thing is sort of passed down third hand to them (Dubiously canonical, but in the DA tabletop game they say the Wardens learned the ritual from Tevinter mages and elves) and they don't really know what exactly they're doing (which, IMO, is part of why Solas dislikes them so much). The originator of the spell, in this case, is the Archdemon/Evanuris, but it is diluted by the blood of normal Darkspawn and the blood transfer is so minimal that, if the ritual does not kill the recruit outright, it only connects them distantly to the Archdemon, and the progression of the curse is so slow that it doesn't fully take hold for ~30 yrs.

Compare to what we know about how the Darkspawn fully transform a person into one of them (not talking about someone getting tainted and becoming a ghoul like Tamlen/Wesley/That guy from DAA). The concrete example we know about is the Darkspawn turning the dwarves of Branka's house into Broodmothers. If you listen to Hespith's explanation of what happens... (please be careful if you follow the link— there is implied sexual assault) well it's extremely gross, but essentially they are forced to take into their bodies a large amount of bodily fluids secreted by the Darkspawn, which over time turns them into Darkspawn themselves. The Hormak ritual is performed similarly.

The Well of Sorrows is, I think, I gentler version of this same ritual. Sorrows implies tears as the fluid to me; the participant, in this case, must be willing, and it seems like the actual control that is given is, at least initially, pretty minimal. This is another thing that Solas objects to very strongly, and he won't tell you why. He doesn't even want Morrigan doing it, and he doesn't like her at all.

History Again

So, if that's the case, then returning to the Magisters: they breach the Golden City, which becomes Blighted, turning it black. They themselves are infected, and flung back into the material world-- this could either be purposeful on the part of the Evanuris, in order to spread the Taint, or it could be accidental. For my theory, it makes sense of them to do it purposefully; because these are the original victims of this ritual, they inherit some of the knowledge of the Evanuris, like we see with the Well of Sorrows. We see Corypheus performing the same trick as the Archdemons/Old Gods when he transfers bodies in the DA2 Legacy DLC. (Would be great to have confirmation of abilities via the Architect, but unfortunately we haven't seen him in a long time and everything he says is incredibly suspect/he may not even remember that he is a magister).

They spread the Blight. At this time I think they are probably either so disoriented they don't know what they're doing or just thralls of the Evanuris. Even when Corypheus is awakened in Legacy, he seems very confused about when/where he is. I think that in the present timeline, Corypheus and The Architect have simply become so old that they've effectively outlasted the taint (a thing that is possible to do, according to The Calling), to an extent, and gotten free will back.

Anyway, Blight spreads throughout Thedas, the Old God Dragons are corrupted, giving the Evanuris the ability to directly control the horde (put a pin in that, more Darkspawn discussion later). They rampage through Thedas, seemingly heading toward the heart of the Tevinter empire (pin that too).

The Grey Wardens are founded, the Wardens slay the Archdemon and the Blight ends. Skip forward a bit and move down the continent to everyone's favorite shithole, Fereldan (or, what will be Fereldan).

A native tribeswoman, Andraste (a powerful mage), bonds with a spirit, which is an established tradition in this area. This spirit is called the Maker by the Chant of Light, but it is actually a Justice/Vengeance spirit-- Mythal. Mythal helps Andraste lead a crusade of justice into the Imperium, allying with Mythal's people on the way.

Before the crusade is finished, Andraste is betrayed by her husband, Maferath, just as Mythal was betrayed by her husband. Her loyal elven retainer, Shartan, vanishes into the flames with her, just as Solas vanished after Mythal's death.

Okay, but why would Mythal do that, besides her natural inclination toward justice? Why would the Evanuris want to mind control the entire population of Thedas? What the fuck are the Darkspawn even doing, exactly?

Let's Get Very Speculative

I think it has to be about worship. I think that being worshiped gives the Evanuris power somehow, because why even start the Old God cult? Why would Mythal want to spread a story that is essentially hers in disguise all over Thedas? Why do we see the Darkspawn in DAO make shrines to something? The single thing, the only motivation that we KNOW these gods have is accumulating power. If being worshiped gives them power, then proliferating their religions makes sense, and it makes sense that the first thing Corypheus did after getting out of jail was start a cult.

But how does that work? My thought is that because things in the Fade are a reflection of reality, and because thoughts are able to shape the very fabric of things there, if people believe you are a god and you have infinite power, you do.

I think that, basically, what's going on when there's a Blight is that the Darkspawn spread the taint to the Archdemons, allowing the Evanuris to control them from the Fade; these Archdemons contain portions of their souls, either transferred via the Taint or placed there before the creation of the Veil. The Evanuris use the Archdemons to create a Blight, where they try to get to the center of the Tevinter Empire, not in order to reach Minrathous, but the Forest of Arlathan, which has to be 1) near there and 2) a site of magical power. We see in the Veilguard gameplay video that this is where Solas chooses to conduct the ritual and where the Veil can be breached. The Evanuris are clearly able to walk out of the Fade corporeally from this point, so I think that is the primary/ultimate goal of the Blights.

However, I think that when an Evanuris begins a Blight, they are expending their power and risking at least a portion of their life force. When the Archdemon is killed, it either kills or severely weakens the Evanuris whose Archdemon it was. This neatly explains the Old God Soul, which gets absorbed by Flemeth and then, presumably, Solas. I think the reason that we only see/fight Ghilan'nain and Elgar'nan are because they are the only Evanuris remaining (besides Mythal and Solas, who are both fine I think), with the others either having been absorbed by them to increase their own power (very on-brand for them) or they are simply too weak to leave the Fade.

We have already seen the defeats of Dirthamen (Dumat), Sylaise (Toth), Andruil (Andoral), June (Urthemiel) and Falon'Din (Zazikel, although I don't feel like this connection is entirely solid; I mostly just think this because you COULD associate death and freedom, and the Kios constellation which represents him looks kind of like a guy with a staff and wings, symbols associated with him. Could swap Dirthamen and Falon'Din, potentially. Death-silence is maybe better, and Falon'din's role as a guide could be why he was the first to establish contact with the Tevinter magisters).

Unfortunately, there's not a ton of info available about Razikale or Lucasan, but Night can be easily associated with Elgar'nan, who is said to have wrestled the sun out of the sky, and I'm sure Ghilan'nain's weird fucked up experiments can be classed as mysterious.

THE END WHEW!

That was really long lol. Might make different posts about the titans and the forgotten ones and the void at some point. Work the Qunari in there somehow. This is basically just an attempt to unify all the disparate elements of the lore that we've been given into a cohesive history; a lot of this stuff is maybe not related at all, but it's very fun to speculate! Thanks for reading, if you made it all the way down here lol

Tumblr addition: happy to discuss with people, as long as everything stays chill!

[jeork]

TC Tag Game

As always I’m excessively late to the party, but thanks @renaultphile for the tag!

1. "He would not fucking say that" only they did and it's canon. When/who?

I don’t have a copy of the book at hand right now, but while Laurie is visiting home for the wedding he goes on a walk and recites this weird incest-y song to himself, then contemplates how it always felt relatable to him. I’m not saying he would not fucking say that, because obviously he does and I hear him quite clearly. But I am saying maybe he should not have fucking said that. 

Also Ralph calling Bunny “Boo”. I don’t care how drunk he was, you don’t randomly slip out with a word you wouldn’t otherwise use. It’s part of his vocabulary. This one had me in contemplation for months, like, would he ever call Laurie that? Does this count towards the bad habits and lifestyle choices he wants to abandon while being with Laurie? Whole scene’s just embarrassing af 

2. Did they kiss in the study? Yes/no + why you are 100% correct about this.

I think they probably did, but that it was very chaste. I’m convinced the kiss between Laurie and Andrew is supposed to mirror it almost exactly. The way I see it, Laurie didn’t fully process it and therefore just stood there. From the flashback he got later on while holding onto Ralph’s sleeve while they’re in Ralph's room I think Laurie might’ve grabbed onto Ralph’s arm a little. But other than that I don’t think he did much, which made Ralph decide he wasn’t ready yet.

3. Mandatory question about Ralph's alleged tattoos.

I wasn’t aware this is something people discuss lmao, I’ve only thought about it once myself. Gonna be a party pooper and say he has none, as it's "improper"

4. 53 vs 59 edition: quote a line or paragraph that is better in the edition you like the least.

I feel like me and @renaultphile are the only ‘59 truthers. I think I once even wrote an entire post just on why I like that Mary cut the knee-touch?

Again, don’t have any book copies at hand right now, but I remember one small detail in the ‘53 I really loved. During Alec’s birthday party while he’s blowing out the candles everyone is looking at him, and for a moment there’s this shared feeling of hopefulness. In the ‘53 Laurie feels someone’s eyes on him, but by the time he turns around Ralph has already stopped looking. Something about Ralph glancing at Laurie in this moment, who’s presence represents so much to Ralph, makes me ache. 

5. Which TC character would feel right at home here on tumblr dot com?

I guess the obvious answers would be something like Hazell, Sandy or Bunny, but I feel like Andrew would run the most terrifically angsty aesthetic account. Also young Laurie, he'd probably write bad poetry or something

6. Tag yourself at Alec's birthday party.

The two guys holding hands in dead silence, not because I can relate, but because they really set the scene. Or the petty shit-stirrer who snitches on Ralph having a boyfriend. Or the other petty shit-stirrer who cries "Here comes Bim"

7. Post a TC meme.

I used to run a TC meme account over on Twitter. I’ve planned on reposting all of that stuff on here sometime, in the meantime here’s one: 

8. Easy to talk about who deserved better. Who deserved worse?

Dave. The Mature Wholesome Elder act he’s putting on at the end is pissing me off. Self-serving cu- 

Also, following the heavy implications that Alec had been snuggling it up with Bunny for quite a while, I think he got off pretty scot free 

9. You can break the fourth wall (at any point in the novel) and say a single sentence to our protagonist, Laurie Odell. What do you say?

I really wanted him to stay friends with Reg. I always felt like Madge’s Aunt Vera joke was pretty funny and well intended, albeit improper and terribly timed. It didn’t come off to me as her making fun of him for being gay. More like her trying to awkwardly bond over it, similar to Reg during The Bathroom Talk™. If Laurie hadn’t been so emotionally rattled at that time I feel like he would’ve played it off. It was such bad timing for him. So I wanna scream at him “Chill out, they’re clearly not out to get you!” 

10. What's a question you have about TC? One you haven't found an answer for yet.

I think there still might be a couple minor details, but I can’t remember them right now. The only bigger piece of dialogue that’s still a little intransparent to me is Ralph’s whole speech at the beginning of their post-wedding trip argument. I have my theories about it, but would also enjoy to hear more. 

Considering I’m over a month late and have no clue who did this tag already I’ll open it up to whoever might still wanna do it. 

[princelyre]

2024 Writing Roundup

tagged by @commanderstarry :D

i didn't do a whole lot of writing last year but this looks fun so!!

words posted

11,516

additional words written

uhhh i think 11,026 !!

fandoms

my hero academia :]

highest kudos and highest one-shot

i only have one-shots published ksjdsfdj but the one that got the highest kudos is "three bullets, and a fourth"

new things i tried

i tried writing longer pieces, i used to stick to ones around 1-2k but i did get one to 5k! i've also been trying writing sprints and word crawls and just generally trying not to overthink the first draft too much, if that counts

fic i spent the most time on

probably "three bullets, and a fourth" ... i kept getting stuck because i was bored of some parts, and also i don't really know how to write fight scenes soo it was a struggle :'] I DID IT THOUGH

fic i spent the least time on

"blood rose / gold petals"!! i think i only spent a few days on that one which is pretty rare for me lmao

favorite thing i wrote

out of the ones i've published (and maybe even including the unpublished ones), "for you" :3

favorite things i read this year

OUHGHGH I CAN'T DECIDE... OKAY LET'S SEE.

Priorities by c_890

Laughter in a Time of War by Quisanne

Trending #Favorite by Manfedzku

Sunspot by SpiritusRex

please dont let go (I'm too scared to be alone) by Dogwaterdish

Needed by createandconstruct

writing goals in 2025

i wanna write more!! both longer fics and just. more fics. like probably at least 6 more fics by the end of the year! i also wanna get better at descriptions and portraying the characters accurately

i would tag ppl but i feel like it's a bit late jshdjs but if you see this and wanna do it, feel free :D

[snowddeong]

caught yellow handed (part 1)

vaguely set in that college omegaverse au i mentioned like once, based off that ryeji csat fruit story, kinda poorly written and not edited lmao word count: 1078

It's a lot harder to crawl out of bed than Yeji thought it would be. 

Not because she can't wake up, that's actually the easiest part — her eyes open before she even registers that she's supposed to be awake, her body determined to move no matter how tired she is. She orients herself pretty quickly, remembers her self imposed mission after blinking once, twice.

Still.

The arms around her hold — cling — tighter, Ryujin probably feeling that something's out of the ordinary and trying to provide the only comfort her hibernating brain can think of without having to wake up. It is impossibly comforting, Ryujin's scent is her own personal envelope of warmth, puts her at ease so effortlessly that Yeji will never ever be able to live without it. 

It's also the reason Yeji can't move.

She doesn't want to wake her, knows that there's a high chance Ryujin might panic and not be able to go back to sleep is she's roused to suddenly. Knows that the guilt of that will eat her alive forever.

"Ryujinnie," she whispers as low as her voice can go, cuddling into her girlfriend as close as she can and brushing her lips against her cheek. "Need to use the bathroom."

Still.

Ryujin mumbles something and hugs her even tighter before easing up and letting Yeji go.

Yeji's lucky Ryujin doesn't open her eyes, but she keeps an arm curled over Yeji's side of the bed like she's impatient, like she can't wait to hold Yeji again.

Something in Yeji's heart does somersaults and she has to fight the urge to jump back into bed and kiss Ryujin till sunrise.

Instead she stops by the bathroom real quick to wash her hands — and just in case Ryujin is actually listening in — then tries her best to tiptoe to the kitchen and is genuinely surprised she doesn't comically trip half way there because her luck is that bad.

She prepared the knife and container beforehand, knowing Ryujin wouldn't bother looking in the sink long enough to see that they were actually clean. Hiding the tangerines was harder, because if Ryujin had any clue they were there she'd probably finish them before Yeji could get her hands on them. Yeji's forever thankful that her shitty office job has a communal fridge and she's well liked enough that no one asked why she kept a whole batch of tangerines in there for two whole days.

Jisu helped her bring them over, slapped on a post-it with a crudely written "Yeji's" on it so Yeji could pretend the paper bag was actually filled with leftover lunch that she planned to take the next day. Ryujin loves stealing her food but she's concerned enough about Yeji eating well at work that she wouldn't mess with that — has even offered to make her meals whenever she's free from college work multiple times like the sweetheart she is.

She opens the fridge slowly and grabs the bag, careful to close it even slower so she doesn't make any noise. She takes out three, thinks for a second and takes out a fourth — the more the better, and if they don't fit, Ryujin can eat some before she leaves. Peeling them shouldn't take too long, after all years of helping Ryu—

"Yeji?"

She freezes.

Ryujin stands near the couch, pouting at her with tousled hair, sleep ruffled clothes and eyes squinted like she's desperately trying to hold onto every fiber of sleep she still has in her body.

It's the cutest thing ever, but Yeji can't really focus on that since she's been caught, quite literally, yellow handed. 

Well, shit.

Before Yeji can say anything, Ryujin crosses the remaining space to their little kitchen island and sits on one of the makeshift stools there. "This isn't the bathroom."

It most definitely isn't, but maybe Yeji can still salvage this.

"You should be asleep," she says, looking at Ryujin directly, knowing that Ryujin won't be able to resist pointing out her hypocrisy in saying that, praying that's enough to keep her attention away from everything else.

At first, Ryujin is sleepy enough to take the bait. "You should be asleep," is her retort. "You have work tomo—" she rubs her left eye and blinks, probably remembering it's 4 am. "Today. You need to rest."

She does need to rest. Park's and Yoo's has a crucial financial strategy meeting later on and she's one of the key analysts. Of course Ryujin would be more concerned about Yeji being rested enough to be at the top of her game than resting for her own exam later. 

"I will in a minute, Ryujinnie," Yeji tries not to look at her anymore because Ryujin cares so much and it's almost impossible not to want to kiss her right now. "Go sleep."

"No. I'll wait for you," Ryujin drawls groggily, stubbornly setting her arm on the island as a pillow and resting her head on it. "What are you doing anyway?"

And like that Yeji's fucked. The bag's blocking Ryujin's view maybe she can—

Ryujin drags the bag towards her. "We had tangerines and you didn't tell me?"

Well. Shit.

Yeji doesn't even bother thinking up a lie, the jig is up. "It was supposed to be a surprise," she sighs.

The last time she did this for Ryujin back in high school she looked so happy — hugged her tight and called her the "bestest best friend ever" in a whisper that still fills Yeji's chest with a fuzzy warmth every time she remembers it. She wants to do something nice like that again, wants to keep being Ryujin's bestest best friend and her bestest best girlfriend.

Ryujin sits up and smiles a tired but familiar and heartwarming smile that never fails to make Yeji feel like she's flying. "Did you also write a corny poem this time?"

Argh, trust Ryujin to be as annoying as she is sweet.

When Yeji rolls her eyes Ryujin laughs softly, gets up and leans over to kiss her cheek. "Thank you, baby," she whispers right next to Yeji's ear. "I'll pretend I didn't see anything if you're back in bed in fifteen."

And Yeji knows she means so they can continue sleeping, knows that Ryujin wouldn't tease her at 4 am in the morning of the day she has an important meeting.

Still.

Ryujin winks as she disappears into their bedroom and Yeji decides maybe she'll peel just three.

(Part 2)

[emoselenas]

2024

fun fact. as i am sitting down to write this i'm a little buzzed lmao. i decided to have some sake with my take-out ramen dinner and we're gonna see if this was a genius idea or a mistake.

so i have been doing this year-end recap for 4 years now. this is the fourth year. before jotting that down, i scrolled back in my profile at my post history to fact check. i started chronicling tour when we started touring in 2017, but i felt like i didn't start recapping the years until later on, and my instinct was correct.

when i started doing these, it was because i felt like 2020 was the best year of my life and i didn't want to forget how it felt. what scares me is my memory has only worsened with each year. and this was the year i wish i journaled the most, because so much happened. i started journaling because of my weak memory and i also needed to convince myself that i had a good life. i needed to be able to look back and say, despite my shortcomings and the should-haves, it was a good year.

this year was full of that same insecurity; thinking greatly about my shortcomings and everything i should have done. but objectively, it was my most accomplished year as a musician. and in my opinion, the most important year of my life.

when i tell you infinite void was and is the most significant thing to me, it was, and it still is. when 2024 began, we were getting ready to release swear words and announce the record. i had already been nonstop since like, september or october, with a brief break in december. my bandmates and i were hanging out all the time. filming content, getting album stuff ready, doing IG lives, promoting the record. i was in the midst of my hannah montana life between my full-time job and operating at an even greater mach speed on the WSA record. a significant memory for me is spending the swear words release week in the city for a work offsite, and really feeling that duality of my life. in fact, i think it was like that night that we did the IG live that it was raining in manhattan and i had gone for a really peaceful, quiet walk to run errands and buy soju. i was listening to sugarholic by itzy and i felt so content to do something so mundane between my busy schedule. anyways.

i remember being so taken aback in a good way by the swear words reaction. a lot of people who normally don't praise us peered their heads out to praise it. it made me wonder if we were on to something. i didn't think releasing that song into the world would be emotional for me, but it was.

we had a clone hero stream to celebrate and then the rest of the album promotion cycle continued. i was really burned out. i have rarely felt reprieve from that same burn out all year. but there i was, still plugging away and setting up my STUPID tripod to record my STUPID tiktoks, all for a chance to convince people that Our Music Is Good. maybe the video would appear on their feeds, and that my stupid mug paired with the recordings of our music was enough proof they would like our music.

we also like, we did that billboard bit thing and here's the thing. i went full send with it and i believed it because all 5 of us agreed we could achieve it. so yes, it seems ludicrous, but i committed. i didn't understand what we were up against until after the album came out. we will come back to this.

the sake is starting to hinder me. i've pulled up google photos because there are blanks in my memory. okay.

actually february was a nothing month lmao. but i guess i remember it being more action-packed because i was getting ready for honey. there's a couple hinge screenshots of dudes saying the absolute wackest shit ever. jesus i don't miss that. after getting blasted in the city by accident and my best friends' birthdays, i decided to abstain from alcohol til may. towards the end of february, i got a phone call from kristen. i would bet money it was thursday the 29th. that was when she told me some news that i really wasn't better or worse off for? if you know you know. it was a super nice thing of her to call me for. i guess it was because anyone close to me would worry how i would take it, but the first word out of my mouth was, "whatever".

and then, my now-boyfriend slid in to my DMs two days later.

while i was at DIY prom he responded to my story repost of caleb's me n who tweet of two chaos. i was fucking STOKED because he had been creeping my story posts since august and i was dyyyyyyying for an opening to hit him up. he's not super online at all, he does NOT post, so i had no other way to talk to him otherwise. i literally remember the first time i caught him in my read receipts, and i was like "oh duh! i'm single! .... OH MY GOD GUNNAR IS SO HOT" but! that was in august! and from august til MARCH we didn't speak.

i was literally so excited for him to message me. i wrote him back and i was so anxious waiting for him to respond to me it felt like my hair was falling out. when he finally messaged me back we talked nonstop for hours until he casually asked me out and re-asked me for my number

yeah not sure if anyone knew this lore but we worked together 10 years ago. crazy.

honestly at this point i was still in my hoe phase and i was like not even sure if he wanted anything serious. i wasn't sure if *i* wanted anything serious! i told my therapist that i didn't lmao. i wasn't even sure if he actually asked me out on a date. and i went on the date, and i think we were both the Most Nervous People Alive. but then he kissed me after 5 hours of sitting on his couch together, and then we went on 3 more dates. and i was like......................i am definitely falling in love with him.

so yeah. i got a boyfriend this year. i thought i knew what the partner of my dreams was, but i didn't know until gunnar. more on that later. but dating gunnar came at a really serendipitous time, because when we started dating i was so stressed out about IV promotion. i wanted to k!ll everyone, God, and then myself. spending time with gunnar forced me to slow down. i'm grateful to him for that.

at the end of march, i lost my job. i still remember how it felt to get on that random 10 am call with my boss and HR, not expecting what was coming. i felt so angry. i was heartbroken. i grieved the job pretty badly. melissa, the closest friend i made at that place, and someone i would be grateful to call my friend forever, was one of the few people to check on me. i was sad to realize the people i worked closely with had no interest in maintaining a friendship with me afterwards. i learned a really hard lesson. it was the one job i got so attached to, and the outward kindness i showed my peers ended up meaning nothing in the end. but also! like why do i care about making besties at work!! i guess it was the one place i felt the closest with anyone. so let this be a cautionary tale of sorts, i guess, dear reader. my mom bought me flowers and told me everything was going to be okay. she was right.

we also had to bail on the billboard bit. i was depending on my income to fuel one really hard last album push and now that was gone. i know no one believed we would achieve it, but i sort of did. however, we literally didn't have any gas to fuel the promotion of the record anymore. it was just fucking me and my tiktoks.

so then comes april. and i start bringing gunnar around my bandmates and family. and then infinite void comes out. and i'm just about as anxious as i've ever been til this point. reviews started to come out and they were unanimously positive (note that i have still not gone on rate your music. please don't show me anything or prove me otherwise lmao). i was like, all right, maybe we truly are onto something.

april 26th comes and goes like a whirlwind. it felt good to dominate people's feeds. we got so lucky with that release date; i think only one or two other bands dropped the same day as us and all of the heavy hitters already released a week or two prior. it was incredible to read people's reactions. we really felt the love.

and then it all stopped after two days.

i was not prepared for that whiplash. i wish somebody told me. because once that hype dies, you can't get it back. luckily, we had tour coming up, literally, immediately after release day.

our longest tour ever- sails in space.

for as exhausted as we felt, this is the closest to an actual lengthy tour we've ever gotten. i'm getting tired just thinking about it lmao. this tour honestly kicked my ass and it made me even question if i had nodes. i couldn't believe how much i was struggling. i wanted to cry the last stretch. but i was living my dream. that much i could be happy about. we got to meet so many people and reconnect with folks especially in texas after not coming back for two years.

this was the first tour that it felt like we were seeing complete strangers who knew who we are. people drove far distances to see us. things like that make me believe we have the right to peoples' attention. the biggest bummer was that we didn't get to spend a lot of time with space weather at all. can you believe that? two weeks on the road together! barely any hang time, but tony and i both got sick. he had it far worse than me, but my illness lapsed the 2nd half of the tour and by emo nite i had no fucking voice. i couldn't sing along on the mic while we were DJing. it was that bad.

i was both happy it happened and scared that it meant i wasn't cut out for this. but i wasn't about to stop myself from touring.

we returned from tour and i came home to flowers and a squishmallow from my boyfriend (incredible). i spent more time with gunnar, with weeks of dates leading up to us saying i love you on june 1st. me being jobless didn't make me a loser to him, and i was glad. i was approved for UI and blessed with the space to breathe and enjoy life while i job hunted. we had some time til our next tour, so i took advantage of my super open schedule to go to the beach a million times, sing, draw, see my friends, sleep in, etc., etc. looking back, i wish i did more, but i think i needed it. because really - i could have been editing more gaming tiktoks and doing more to make income off my projects but i didn't. blah.

then....................death tooth happened.

so of course, after i lose my insurance, i get this absolutely insane tooth infection that renders me unable to chew and completely in pain. i really wish i could tell you where it came from. it started the weekend i took gunnar to see pulses. in the city and the day after i couldn't move my jaw. i literally have never needed this in my life but i had to schedule an operation to get my tooth removed. it was a fucking miracle the oral surgeon could take me, because bro told me if i went to someone any later it would be life or death. the tooth was so impacted that it was pushing on my nerve and closing my throat. the day before the op i chugged 32 oz of pineapple juice (thank you cheer) and it was back to business as usual. the only thing that FUCKING SUCKED WAS I MISSED SAOSIN LIVE. GUNNAR BOUGHT US TICKETS (FUN FACT HE ALMOST GUITAR TECHED FOR THEM) AND WE HAD TO MISS IT BECAUSE OF DEATH TOOTH. I WAS SO MAD. JUNE WAS BASICALLY A WASH.

as soon as i was better i was leaving the house again. went to get oysters, saw t-pain play, took a pole class, went back to the beach. june ended with a gig in philly with our new friends in secret gardens and the vocalist of sincerely gave me unsolicited singing advice, which deeply saddened me but set me on fire.

i mean that's the thing right. i've had this cracking issue the entire time i've been in with sails ahead, my head voice needs work, i've tried to get help for it, and i have had to bow out of singing lessons due to financial reasons every time. but i also have this intrinsic hatred of hearing myself make mistakes while i sing. it's something had to look dead-on in the face and work on this year. i still believe i've barely gotten better, but i got somewhere.

in july i got food poisoning (i really could not catch a breath this year) but it didn't stop me from Eating It All. after a month of doing no added sugar (during death tooth! insane), we went on many a food outing to eat the most delicious treats. had boardwalk treats and immediately got sick from the sugar overload, treated gunnar to one of my favorite sichuan restaurants, went to a hot pot spot where you cooked stuff while it was still alive, min-maxed a family lunch trip so that we could dine at both a ramen restaurant, an izakaya AND a hand roll bar in one day, and made smores as i got to enjoy yet another Funemployed GDQ week for sgdq.

really, just so many quality hangs every fucking month with friends this year, but it's worth mentioning that before he moved to florida my friend and mod fwis met up with me and gifted me not ONE but TWO SWORDS.

in august gunnar and i went on our first little trip and spent the weekend in brooklyn. we saw seeyouspacecowboy, daoboys, and blind equation, and after that, ATE EVERYTHING. i can't believe i got so lucky to have a partner who also has a stomach as big as his eyes. we played a big fest with many friends a weekend later, and then i prepped for WC4. august was also the last of my beach trips because i got too busy.

a significant event in august was when i was invited to sing with the anime night party band at mercury lounge. i have been feeling a really bad way about myself as a vocalist, and it meant so much to be asked to just sing. even though i lowkey blew it lmao, i ate it on the last chorus (so mad), it was suuuuuuuuch a fun experience. AND I GOT TO EXPERIENCE PLAYING WITH KITTED OUT IEMS AND BACKING TRACKS AND A COUNT-IN. wiiiiiild. i felt so professional hahaha

so then september came. and at this point i'm really motivated to hit every single show on WC4 hard since it was only 4 days versus the fucking 12 shows we did in may lmao. while i have hangups about most of the shows, that was the tour when we started sounding good NIGHT ONE and there were no jitters to shake off. every single night and show and hang was fucking awesome, and we were super grateful to our pal dan mccool for crushing the set every night. almost every show was the best gig we've played in each respective state, specifically NC and GA. playing the masquerade was fucking incredible despite the stressful load in. a rare show where we had green room access, but it wouldn't be the last of the year.

okay so i'm on sake #3 and it's almost midnight i gotta wrap this up goddamnit

the rest of september i spent a ton of time with friends and obv it capped off on my birthday p much. we saw a couple of sick shows and gunnar told me to block off my birthday so i did. i was like. what is this man planning. had a delicious lunch with my family and the next day our hungover asses (went to a wave break show the night before) got up at balls o'clock for my surprise birthday plans. well. this man fucking took me to fucking swim with otters. and not just swim with otters. but we met various animals including a capybara and a kangaroo. absolutely the most insane fucking birthday of my entire life. i love my karaoke parties don't get me wrong, and my parents have thrown some classic ragers for me as a kid (home petting zoo is top tier) but i just. wow.

in october the food adventures continued lmao. jaime, gunnar and i trekked to queens and had an incredible day. we had raw marinated crab for the first time and it straight up CHANGED us as PEOPLE. starting this month, i began to prepare the hardest i have ever prepared for tour (the rock star energy tour, that is) in my entire life. like, religiously singing with sails ahead songs every other day, inching up to daily towards december. i started a small business lmao. i am not gonna lie i didn't realize starting a POD store would be constantly fronting the costs of every shirt but i said fuck it and did it any way. i'm really proud that people have been enjoying light drive and that total randoms have been buying the merch. i'm really excited to keep doing that as a part-time job going into 2025. went to many shows, including nightlife opening for rain city drive, the lolitslea release show, small town fest in CT, and pulses. opening for fucking FOXING and FROM INDIAN LAKES. the latter became a vehicle for gunnar and i to take a weekend trip to the DMV to spend a day in DC and then a day with kevin and caleb. it was awesome. i am so grateful for a partner who likes traveling with me. since i still couldn't find work, i did not dress up for halloween this year. i am debating on staying blonde for one more halloween so that gunnar and i can do our couple's costume that we didn't get to do.

in november we got to do gunnar-centric stuff which was such a nice change of pace lmao that man is always bopping along for my schedule and i was really excited to do stuff for him. we saw TDWP is eternal tour and that was an absolutely incredible line-up. i posted about silent planet and after the gig garrett russell told me i'm hitting guest vocals next time they're in jersey. ME !11!!!!1!!!!!! i hope the timing works out or it actually happens, either way it was just sick to see him say that or even WANT that to happen. then i got to see gunnar play a couple of gigs, one with durl and the other with bella. it's so fucking awesome having a partner that plays music, and the music rocks. i love him so much. back in october we also decided to drop a single before the end of the year and hurriedly prepared to drop YER. i know it was a flash in the pan but it was worth it in my opinion. it's not gonna go on anything else and after experiencing what dropping an LP is like in a post-covid world nothing matters anymore! thanksgiving was wonderful, i was nervous about meeting gunnar's family but they've been nothing but awesome and it was great to spend the holiday together. in november was also our long-awaited mini cow date. back in april we talked about going to see them in may, but the farm *had* to reschedule us and we both unflinchingly said yes to november. in april. lmao. so that finally happened, and it was really lovely. the cows were so fucking goddamn cute.

so here comes december, the rock star energy tour, and it's this huge tour i've been preparing obsessively over. well. i still beat myself up for how i did, but i'll be damned if these weren't some of the best shows we've ever played. i'm so grateful we had cha for these shows, he's so goddamn solid and i love what he brings to our live show. it was so incredible to not only play bigger venues for once, but get the literal Rock Star treatment for every single one. we had green rooms for all of them except for richmond, and even still, every venue was sick. these shows were so well-attended and we have so many happy memories. the major thing that sucked was cheem having to drop, and then we ALL got sick halfway through. this is why with sails ahead typically does not do anything in december!!! but honestly, it was worth the risk.

after we got home i accepted a new job offer, i got to sing a full song in japanese live for the first time with my friends in eternal hoshi, WSA celebrated with our yearly christmas party, and then gunnar and i enjoyed our first christmas together with both of our families. this mf gifted me with an IPAD I WAS LITERALLY SO SHOCKED and we enjoyed much relaxation time. and korean shabu shabu!

i'm sad because i'm rushing now. yes, after spending 4 hours on this, i still consider this rushing, because i'm missing a tremendous amount of detail. so i'll cap this off with a shit load of rumination, as i am typically want to do.

i really wish infinite void went bigger. i do and don't understand why it didn't. we worked insanely hard on the record itself, and i fucking poured my heart into promoting the crap out of this thing. it was devastating that people moved on so fast. it would be one thing if it was mid (if we saw the signs, i would have accepted it), but to see people say things like our songs sounded like songs they have heard their entire life, that the record was so incredible and well-made, and yet more people didn't find it? or stream it? i don't know. i don't know anymore. i feel like if we had money (hate that it comes down to that), then we could reach more people. but idk. maybe if it was good enough we wouldn't need to do that? i always dreamed of releasing albums and touring worldwide. so we made it happen ourselves. if i waited for someone to hand those opportunities to us, they never would have happened, most likely. so why am i so sad that we still got to do anything?

it's that internal ageism i guess. i feel like the older i get, the more time slips away. i mean fuck my brain is already going now LMAOOO. but with how much i got sick this year i have to wonder what will happen the more we get older. and i wonder if we'll even have a shot at all. i still so desperately believe in the strength of our songs and i wonder what could happen.

gunnar and i talk about this a lot, and the reality is, i would rather pass my time going for it than quitting now. even though i am an imperfect live singer, even though we're not the best band in the world. i really think we're something special. and i will keep fighting for it.

i am sad that twitch has fallen by the wayside for me, but every time i go live it's still fucking awesome and my day ones still pull through and come hang. it's why i keep going. playing thousand year door was a fun time and it was the first time in a while i played a game all the way through on stream. i really believe i have what it takes to be a streamer, it's just that life gets in the way. i'm just happy to get to do it at all. i love my community so much nd i'm grateful for the friends who are a part of it.

it's after midnight and i have work 12 hours from now. the stupor from the sake has worn off and now i'm just sore. i spent my entire evening on this, because i didn't want the year to slip away without remembering as much as i could. despite everything that isn't there, my life is abundant with so much love and beautiful memories i couldn't make up in my wildest dreams. i love my family, i love my friends, i love everything we've all shared together. i don't know if 2025 will be like 2024. i don't know if we will get to tour this much ever again, and i hate not knowing. but i am happy. i really am.

i didn't think i would fall in love again so soon but goddamnit, i am so lucky. i didn't know the quiet guy behind the guitar center repair desk was my actual soulmate. i never would have known then because i was chasing someone who was rotten inside and out. and i love him. so much. we agreed that it was better this way, because maybe we wouldn't have found our way to each other or maybe it would have been the wrong timing if we knew sooner. but i can't believe love could be this easy. it's so easy with him. at first i kept him at arms length and i was scared, but there was nothing to be scared of. i didn't think a peaceful love existed for me but it fucking does. and i should have known it was him, because i didn't feel sick around him nor did my stomach hurt the way it did with [REDACTED] or [REDACTED]. i believed tumultuous love was normal and i was fucking wrong. literally, i wish everyone could have a gunnar.

okay well. every year i'm like, surely the next one won't be better than the last, and it is. i toured the most i ever have, sang anime songs, ate a lot of delicious food, got a job in gaming, spent so much time with family and friends, traveled, and fell in love. this was the most abundant year of my life. i truly don't know how 2025 can top this and i'm scared. whatever. it is what it is. i hope to get to a point where i am working my part-time job and also making income equally off of light drive. i don't know. i am trying so hard not to believe in fate and universal shit, but i feel like something has opened up for me to craft the life i dreamed of in 2020. so. let's see. either way, new with sails ahead coming in 2025. light drive going up. WC4E. lots of things to be excited about. i just. i swear to god if we don't tour the west coast and japan in the next two years i'm going to lose my mind lmao.

[heavenly-kazee]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox of the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you !!

Ohh hello there dear friend~ Sure! I have been feeling bored by the way and things have gotten me in a tough spot this month which is pretty sucks.

I'm not quite confident to say this out loud when it comes to communicating by speaking but I am comfortable by writing my thoughts since I'm able to find the appropriate words. Now then, the first thing that made me happy would usually be anime. Don't get me wrong, not all anime have to be action-oriented, I just happen to be very picky when it comes to genres so I don't really talk about the most trending on social media. The anime that makes me feel happy is mostly music and moral-based, similar to Bang Dream and RKDD. Tbh, RKDD was the one that made me deep dive into the Sherlockian world, it's also my first anime Sherlock experience so I am currently in many fandoms other than RKDD (I am most active in Sherlock & Co btw!)

The second one is obviously music. Like I mentioned about Bang Dream, I never once said this in all of my posts especially my bio blog so take this as a special post about my personal hobby. As a child, I dreamed of being a singer. My first exposure to music was one of those vocaloid songs where voicebank robots sing countless songs that were already made by their composers. Such as Wowaka (yes, I understand he had passed so I wanted to respect both his death and his music creation). I watched the "Deep Sea Girl" music video of Hatsune Miku singing underwater, I believe it's a Diva videogame that looks pretty HD but without the gaming on-screen. I was 8 years old when I found out about the existence of vocaloid, I became a super fan immediately and I couldn't stop singing since then. I even had another singer that I looked up to (it was mafumafu lol)

The third is quite complicated, I do love writing and drawing in general but I have a huge preference towards writing perhaps. I never started writing stories at all when I was a kid, majority of my early writing days were usually making role-plays in books, I have seen my cousin's exercise book being filled with so many words through the end except she doesn't know how to end the story lmao- I was intrigued, of course, I started making my own roleplay book when I was in 6th to 7th grade. I do tend to draw sometimes, drawing is just my hobby but I did not expect my writing just end in the hobby category but became my so-called "career" recently, I haven't stopped writing for years.

The fourth is pretty complicated as well but not too complicated as preferences. I genuinely loved animals, even if they were small or big. But due to my kid's self who's afraid of rabies.... Yeah, I personally wouldn't like dogs or big animals getting rabies so I opted for small feline creatures. They are dazzling and beautiful when they're the big animals of the kingdom, it's just not cup of my tea when it comes to their licking part. Cats are okay since I happened to have one. He was such a big sleepy cat that slept 24/7 lol- I wouldn't mind having bird pets as well, maybe an owl would do or the dove. I actually did rescue a small bird before but only to get eaten by the cat because my "mother" was careless and thought the bird could fly itself even though the wings were damaged. Well thank you smartie head

The last thing that made me happy was probably my brothers. I'm not quite sure why but maybe it's due to how I was raised by them. Considering both of my parents never seemed to care about me emotionally and mentally, they were only there when I was sick, needed something and wanted anything not long-lasting gifts. But when it comes to my brothers, they send me out of the house and make memories with me mostly compared to my parents. My dad did try to send me out of the house but that was in vain because he tried to make me shopping excessively so I am in the most unfortunate way currently. My brothers taught me how to be myself and put my happiness first, that could be the reason why I am too empathetic and compassionate to anyone because I don't want them to experience the same loneliness. I looked up to them a lot of times, they made me feel so many emotions at once and it's the first time I feel so loved.

I am sorry for the last paragraph, it's quite a personal topic for me to talk about even though it has to be said. I do love my family but I can't be safe to say when both of my parents just won't try to spend time with me emotionally. Maybe the correct word for me is probably just "investment", I know so well what it feels like to be their investment, even though I never like money in the first place. They forced me into things I wouldn't like so as a natural child would do, I rebelled.

I apologize if this post feels longer, sometimes I just want to elaborate on why they make me happy for a reason and stating facts just won't do the trick. Call me a detailed person, but I happen to love explaining over single short paragraphs.

[firelxdykatara]

For literal years there was no reason, internal or external, why they couldn't/wouldn't admit to their feelings, which not only begs the question of why in the world it took a magical prison to force them to confess, but ensures that their relationship doesn't change as a result of that weight being lifted from their shoulders.

All of this post is 100% accurate, but this bit especially is why the 'confirmation' rang so hollow to me, and it's frustrating seeing this heralded as some amazing piece of queer rep when the show hasn't put any effort into making the relationship, well, a relationship, in all the years it has allegedly been planned.

(Also I just really do not believe that it was planned from the beginning, because I actually want to give the writers some credit and assume they aren't truly that incompetent. I'd buy that maybe they kicked the idea around a little in the early years, but I just don't believe anyone seriously sat down and said 'this is what's happening' until Volume 6 at least.)

It feels similar to Korrasami being made canon in the last five minutes of LoK, except that CRWBY don't have an overbearing parent company to attempt to shift the blame onto after the fact like Bryke did--it was an indie web series piggy-backing off the fame generated by their Halo fanfic series, there was nothing preventing them from confirming Blake and Yang's queerness on-screen years ago even if they wanted to waffle on actually confirming their feelings for each other.

And the fact that some of this could have been solved by actually having Blake and Yang talk to each other, rather than relying on a handful of looks, hand-holding, forehead touches, color-coding, and the fandom to fill in the blanks really grinds my gears. They haven't had a single substantive conversation since Burning the Candle back in Volume 2, despite having a lot of shit they need to have a conversation about.

They have yet to actually talk through and process Yang's abandonment issues and the way Blake triggered them by running off without a word after Volume 3. (This is abundantly obvious by their borderline codependence over the past few volumes, so no, I'm not buying 'they talked about it off-screen' as an excuse.) They have yet to talk about Yang's encounter with her mother, or anything she was feeling about those revelations. (As far as we can tell canonically, she still hasn't told anyone Raven is the Spring Maiden lmao.) They have yet to talk through and process the fact that they killed a man together. (And I don't care how much he deserved it in the moment--that shit would be traumatizing regardless! And they never discuss it! They mention it once in a conversation about something else entirely, and that just does not count.) They did not discuss anything that occurred in Volume 7, and despite Blake believing she watched Yang die at the end of Volume 8, they never talked about that either!

That's one of the things that was sorely missing from Volume 9, in fact--some actual emotion over what they just went through. Where was Yang's grief, if she spent her time alone on the island thinking she died but her sister and her friends had made it out, only to find them there? Where was Blake's anger at Yang for pulling the stupid move that got her 'killed' in the first place? (Seriously, one of the best tropes to pull in a romance where two people who haven't confessed feel forced to confront their feelings--when one of them nearly gets themselves killed, and the other gets angry at them for it, and then has to work out why, and then a Big Damn Kiss happens, which imo would've made for far better storytelling than trapping them on a bridge until they confessed for reasons that only make sense if you assume the island could see through the fourth wall and commune with the writers themselves.) Why was no one allowed to realistically react not only to their present circumstances, but to all the shit that had just happened to them that none of them even took a second to process?

It's just... so, so frustrating, to keep watching this show and see them come so close to genuinely good story beats or character moments, and then watch them sidestep around anything that might bring actual catharsis or feel narratively earned. I feel like the proverbial donkey constantly chasing after that carrot on a stick, always dangling just out of reach but promising something delicious if I just stick it out for long enough.

I think one of the things that bothers me most about the way RWBY has handled the whole b/umbleby thing is the fact that volume 9 kind of puts paid to the idea that their relationship was a 'slow burn'.

If it were a slow burn, if their relationship had been steadily growing and changing over the past few volumes and according to their experiences, then that burn ultimately resolving and becoming explicit and them getting together would have been a significant milestone that changed things between them so completely they could never go back to how things were before.

But... nothing changed. If you took out the confession and the kiss and Ruby's (understandable) anger... you'd never be able to tell anything had changed between them. They have the same level of physical affection and tenderness they've had since volume 6. They don't talk to each other any differently. There's been no change in their behavior, no evidence they are now a couple in a way that they were not before except their one single kiss. And that's just deeply unsatisfying to me.

This criticism popped up after the episode aired and I came across a couple of posts that, with lesser and greater respect, pushed back against it. One in particular was rather snide, asking what RWDE folks expected to change: for them to be kissing non-stop? Declaring their undying love at ten-minute intervals? Pulling out a ring for marriage? People are still themselves while dating, you know. Besides, they're a little busy at the moment!

Now, I personally believe that yes, there should be changes to their behavior. I likewise believe that this could have easily been accomplished if a) Blake and Yang hadn't already gone through the physical displays of affection that RWBY uses to confirm a romantic relationship (primarily hand-holding) and b) if they hadn't jumped straight to "I love you." Removing the numerous moments of hand-holding since Volume 6 would have left that as an easy, visual indicator of the change in their relationship (rather than the confusing "So are they canonical or not??" we got for three years). Likewise, having them admit to having a crush could have opened the door to actually dating which in turn could have eventually led to the big "I love you" moment. That's how you do a slow-burn post-confession: breaking up all those relationship milestones and thus making time for the characters to run into obstacles and celebrate the success of each step forward. The way bumblebee has been written, it simultaneously feels far too slow (why did it take 4+ years for them to admit they like each other?) and simultaneously way too fast (they don't actually admit that they like each other, but that they're IN LOVE).

Beyond what all might have been added though, I think it's worth considering what might have been lost in a better written romance. Slow-burns, as mentioned above, thrive on obstacles. There has to be a reason why the characters don't get together, whether that's internal ("I'm too afraid of commitment to date them") or external ("Our families will lose their shit if we date"). Seriously, this is like writing 101, yet Bumblebee gave us NOTHING. For literal years there was no reason, internal or external, why they couldn't/wouldn't admit to their feelings, which not only begs the question of why in the world it took a magical prison to force them to confess, but ensures that their relationship doesn't change as a result of that weight being lifted from their shoulders. If Blake was scared of what it would mean for her to love a human, or if Yang was scared to commit after losing so much else in life, or if there was homophobia to deal with in Remnant, or if they both wanted to wait until the Salem fight was over, or if they honestly didn't realize they had romantic feelings, or if one of them needed to come to terms with being queer first, or if there was a literal curse at play that hindered the relationship somehow... there are a HUNDRED ways to provide obstacles and the removal of any one of them would have changed both the character(s) and their relationship with each other.

Not to continually bring up my blorbo Trent Crimm, but Ted Lasso does this beautifully. With the removal of his obstacle (inability to admit that he's gay) Trent becomes a radically different person from who he was in Season One; a more authentic person. His style changes, he smiles more, his conversation becomes more "dorky," and his relationships with the rest of the cast likewise develops. What would Yang look like if she went on a journey of coming out as queer? What would Blake look like if she kept her activist roots by fighting for the right to date a human? How would they both act post-kiss if they'd been afraid, for whatever reason, to show that level of affection in public before? Something like holding hands could have been a radical act -- it IS for real queer people!! -- rather than a generic, cutsey detail we've been getting for years now.

Instead, as you say, anon, literally nothing changes. I am 99.9% convinced that Ruby wouldn't even know Yang was now dating Blake if they hadn't exited the storm still kissing because them sitting close and occasionally holding hands has been their norm since VOLUME SIX. Nothing changes because RT didn't do any of the work to write an actual, romantic relationship. They wrote a couple of years worth of implied queerbaiting and then confirmed it when it looked like RWBY would be cancelled. We don't know anything about them in regards to romance and/or sexuality. When did Yang realize she likes girls when she started the series only appreciating guys? Is Blake expected to marry anyone in particular given her status as the pseudo-princess of Menagerie? Have either of them ever been in a relationship before? Do they have any idea what they want out of a relationship? Does the fact that they're on a supposedly doomed quest with their world hanging in the balance have any bearing on their long-term plans? There are fictional couples who avoid admitting feelings because of the presumed hopelessness of their plot and there are those that grab at a relationship and hold on with both hands because they're determined to live and love for whatever time they have left. Bumblee offers none of this. Their love exists only between the two of them, primarily off-screen, separate from both the plot and the rest of the cast.

The fact that Yang never once talks to Ruby about her feelings and then the Volume drops Ruby's annoyance really says it all. Of course nothing changes. RT doesn't want to write a Blake/Yang subplot. They just want to have a queer couple among the main team to bring in viewers and sell merch. The fandom has done ALL the work to make Bumblebee a nuanced, heart-felt love story. It literally, barely exists on screen and what little we have gotten often makes no sense. They hide their feelings when they have no reason to. Yang is worried about a fight with Blake that never happened. They both say they love things about the other that sound like a list of generic Good Characteristics, rather than traits that actually align with these characters. They're caught kissing thanks to the magical world they're in and the characters treat this as a given, giving the story an excuse not to engage with their reactions because again, the story isn't interested in that. One reaction is tossed in for the drama? Don't worry, the tree will cure Ruby of her understandable anger that Yang is more concerned with holding Blake's hand than her sister's tragedy-inducing depression. Everything is only canon in the moment.

Outside of the kiss checkbox there's no romance here and, thus, no reason to show its development. All RT needed was to get one kiss on screen and then boom, their merch sells out and (they hope) Volume 10 is greenlit. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pleased it's actually confirmed now, but it's nevertheless the fans who are doing all the work to make this an epic love story, not the writers.

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

Overtime

boss!chan x personal assistant!fem reader

Trigger warnings: name-calling, intimidation 

Content warnings: oral (m&f receiving), names (baby girl, dearest, good girl, babydoll, baby, slut, whore), daddy kink (obviously), praise, degradation (don’t ask me why i put both praise and degradation in here, i’m a whore), spanking (kinda? anyways we love a good ass slap), chan folds you like a pretzel then holds your hand while finishing you off cause he’s caring like that. minho makes an appearance early on.

Summary: you work as bang chan’s personal assistant. with a comeback on the horizon, he tells you he needs you to pull some serious overtime.

Word count: 5562

A/N: be sure to check out the video i’m about to post, it was kind of the inspiration for the bj part lmao anyways y’all want me to save you seats in hell?

Smut below the cut

You let out a frustrated sigh as you pocketed your phone, which had just buzzed with a message from your boss. You were about to clock out for the day when he asked you to come to his studio. Your kitten heels clicked against the hardwood floor as you made your way to the tiny room where the magic happened. Except it wasn’t magic when you’d already been in the building for eight hours, barely getting a moment to sit as you ran this way and that for him.

 You straightened your clothes before reaching out to knock on the charcoal door. It swung open before you even finished and you were met with a bright smile. “Come in.” Chan urged as you plastered a pleasant expression on your face. Despite the crush you had on him, you were annoyed and had to fake a smile.

 Yes, you worked for Bang Chan. The Bang Chan, the leader of fourth generation KPop idol band Stray Kids and the mastermind behind almost every hit track they’d ever performed. You were his personal assistant and the unnervingly beautiful man had been irritating you beyond belief today with all the running about he’d made you do. “You wanted to see me?” You prompted as he closed the door to his studio while you perched on the arm of the sofa that sat across the shoebox room from all his equipment.

 “Yeah. So…” he looked sheepish and regretful and you felt a ball of anxiety settle in your stomach. What bad news was he about to break to you? “As you know, we just announced a comeback to the team.” You felt yourself deflate. You’d worked for him just long enough to have witnessed two comebacks and he never slept during that time. He’d be extra crabby the next few weeks. Maybe he was apologizing in advance for that? “I hate to do this to you but I’m gonna need you to stay late until we start promotions. On days I’m not in the studio, like days where I’m doing a photo shoot or an interview, I’ll give you the day off to make up for it. So you’ll have a day off once or twice every couple of weeks until we start the jacket shooting and filming the music video, then it’ll be even more frequent. You’ll keep your weekends, I won’t take that from you. But starting tonight, I’m gonna need you here until ten.”

 You wanted to fucking scream. Instead, you let out a sigh and pulled your phone out to call your roommate. Chan looked on in confusion as your roommate answered the phone, you forcing him to maintain eye contact. “Hey. I know you said you wanted to cook for me tonight but I won’t be home until almost eleven. Can you just put my share in the microwave and I’ll heat it up when I get there?” He looked upset that he’d ruined your plans and he bowed his head as your roommate questioned you. “Yeah, they’re working on an album and it’s crunch time so he needs me here until ten for the next couple months. I’m sorry. Give Daisy kisses for me, yeah?” She let out a disappointed sigh as you hung up and Chan rubbed his neck awkwardly.

 “Hey, look, I’m really sorry. This comeback is different. If it weren’t for that I’d only ask you to stay until seven, which I know isn’t what you signed up for either.” He sighed and sat down at his desk, turning to face the monitor which displayed a track he was mixing just before you arrived. “On the bright side, you’ll get a fat check for it. The company gives time and a half for any overtime, as you know, and I will personally provide a bonus.”

 “Gee, you’re my boss, not my sugar daddy.” You teased as you settled in, knowing it would do no good to stay mad when you couldn’t leave for another five hours. You weren’t much younger than him so the two of you usually shared playful banter throughout the day. You let out a soft laugh but he didn’t laugh with you and you immediately thought you’d fucked up. “I’m sorry, I was just-“

 “I could be.” His voice was much lower than usual and your stomach filled with bats. Not butterflies, that was far too tame. Your stomach was full of bats, violently flapping their wings as they tried to escape. “I could easily give you anything you wanted in return for your…affections.” When you didn’t answer, he spun in his chair to face you. You could barely see him, he’d already switched off the overhead light in favor of the desk lamp beside his computer and the light behind him made it hard to see anything more than a silhouette. The room was filled with a warm glow but the fire he’d just started in your body was far warmer. “I see you staring at me, day in and day out. You can’t deny you find me attractive. I can see it now, written all over your face.”

 Somehow, you found your voice. “Well I’ve got eyes, haven’t I?” You quipped and he gave a disdainful laugh, the sound shooting straight to your pussy. You really needed to stop allowing yourself to enjoy being degraded. You took a steadying breath as you stood, shaking your head. “Mr. Bang, I do believe you’ve cracked open that special bottle of gin you call ‘motivation’ and mustered up a startling amount of courage. I will be taking my leave for another coffee run now.”

 You spun on the ball of your foot and started for the door. You barely had it open an inch when it was slammed back shut as Chan’s large hand splayed out over the dark surface, his arm by your head. You stepped to the side so you could turn to face him without bumping into him, fully intent on pushing him away, and the second you were facing him, his other hand slammed against the door. His head was hung low but the second he had you caged, he moved to look at you and you wanted to evaporate on the spot.

 His expression was dark and seductive, his tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek in annoyance. When your gaze met his, your face heated up and you couldn’t maintain eye contact this time, your head turning. “You’re not going anywhere. You’re paid to do what I tell you.”

 How was he doing this? He was normally just a sweetheart with a weird sense of humor. You’d seen fans online discussing him being a daddy dom type but you never put much stock into it. He seemed too normal. Yet here you were, trapped in his studio as his eyes devoured you like he was a starved man and you were the last crumb of food he could find.

 “Look at me.” You refused, shaking your head. You feared you’d do something that could cost you your job if you so much as glanced in his direction. This only served to irritate him further and the hand that had initially slammed the door shut harshly gripped your jaw, forcing you to turn your head towards him. “I said look at me.”

 You forced your eyes open against your better judgment and he smirked. You felt like you’d just opened a door you couldn’t hope to close as his strong hand wrapped around your neck. Your lashes fluttered at the way he held you against the door, your expression practically begging him to kiss you, and he almost scoffed at the pathetic sound you made. “What a whore.” He jeered and forcefully released you, stepping back. “Why don’t you go get that coffee, dearest?” His tone was scathing and it was obvious that he was playing some game of push and pull that you weren’t sure you wanted to be involved in.

 You needed no further convincing, quickly slipping out of the room and skittering down the hallway like a kicked puppy. You repeatedly pressed the elevator call button until the doors slid open and the second they closed behind you, you braced yourself against the wall. Your chest heaved as your head tipped back, the sound of your labored breathing mingling with the occasional ding of the elevator signaling your descent. What the hell had just happened and why were you so worked up over it?

 You took a few deep breaths as the elevator neared your desired floor, not wanting to be seen so flustered. You made your way to the little diner located on the ground floor of the building and went straight for the coffee bar. You made both your coffee and his absentmindedly, the memory of his expression bouncing around your skull and putting you in a daze. A trainee greeted you as he returned his dirty dishes and you gave a halfhearted response.

 You practically jumped out of your skin when you felt a large hand on your shoulder, almost spilling the coffee you’d just fixed. “Hey, calm down. It’s just me. Are you okay?” You turned to see Lee Minho staring at you with clear concern. He’d just come from one of the practice rooms if the sheen of sweat on his gorgeous face was any indication.

 “Uh- um- yeah I’m fine.” You lied, flashing him a smile. You were most definitely not fine. You weren’t sure if you were bothered by how wet you were or if you were bothered by how little time it took for Chan to get you that way, but you most definitely were not fine.

 And it seemed Minho could tell. “Stop lying. What did he do to you?” He crossed his arms and you shook your head. He raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow at you but you still refused to answer. Finally he rolled his eyes and plucked Chan’s coffee from your hands. “Clearly he did something to upset you. I’ll go talk to him and-“

 “No! No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” You took the coffee back and forced a smile. “I’m kinda stuck here for the next five hours anyways.” His confused expression encouraged you to explain a bit more. “He told me he needs me here until ten every night until you guys start promoting. Said this comeback is different so he’s gonna need me to put in overtime.”

 “That’s…utter bullshit, but okay.” He sighed and you nodded in agreement. “Sure, this one is different, we just gained a lot of popularity and it’s an extended album. But an extra five hours every night? That’s insane.”

 “I mean, at least I’m getting paid time and a half for my efforts?” You shrugged, trying to find the positive. You’d already found the positive, one of the hottest men in the industry - possibly the world - had just propositioned you, but that wasn’t the point. You let out a sigh and shook your head. “It’ll be fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get this upstairs before it gets cold. It was nice seeing you.” You flashed a smile - genuine this time - and turned to leave, paying for the drinks on your way out.

 Your reprieve was far too short and you found yourself moving slowly as you made your way back to the studio. The click of your heels wasn’t nearly as purposeful as before, your gait indicating you weren’t prepared to see him. Why would you be? He’d just pinned you to the door and toyed with you. Your boss of all people!

 You tucked one of the drinks in your arm to free your hand and tapped on the door. He took longer to let you in this time but his expression was playful once more. “Which one’s mine?” He chirped as you walked past him, kicking your shoes off and taking your place on the sofa once more.

 “Here.” You held out his drink and he took it eagerly, his expression akin to that of a child on Christmas morning. The man loved his coffee. “You’re such a kid.” You chuckled softly and shook your head as he sat down and spun the chair back towards his desk, sipping happily on his coffee.

 You, being the coffee fiend you are, downed your drink in a matter of minutes. You disposed of the cup and just as you sat again, he called for you. “Something came unplugged under the desk. I’ll show you which one.” He said as he stood.

 Seriously? In a pencil skirt? You stifled an irritated groan and slid off the couch, onto your knees. You crawled under the desk and looked for the cord he was wiggling. You didn’t catch him staring at your ass but if you’d looked over your shoulder, you would’ve seen him practically drooling. You followed the cord to the end and saw it was still plugged in but not very securely so you fixed it. But before you could crawl back out from under his desk, Chan trapped you once again. “You’re too tense. You should loosen up a little. Have some fun.” He leaned back in his chair and smirked at you.

 “I have plenty of fun, thank you.” You spat and placed your hands on his knees, fully prepared to push him away from the desk. He quickly grabbed your wrists to stop you and you paused. Oh. He wasn’t just toying with you to work you up. He was an ornery bastard when he was horny, it seemed.

 “So show me what it’s like to have fun with you.” He didn’t seem as intimidating as before. He looked far more relaxed despite the tent in his pants that stood right in front of your face. “Don’t worry about being left hanging, I’m eager to return the favor.” His expression darkened and you gulped. There it was. If he said one more word using that tone, you’d break. “I bet your moans would sound so pretty hidden in a track…”

 You couldn’t keep your hands from moving. Despite his best efforts, neither could he, it seemed, because you broke free of his grasp and quickly popped the button of his dad jeans. That was another issue you had with him. He could wear some of the most questionable things and still look effortlessly sexy. Even the dad jeans looked amazing on him, clinging to his thighs in a way that made your mind go blank. You made quick work of the zipper too and looked up at him expectantly. This was not how you’d expected your overtime to be used.

 He lifted his hips for you and a moment later his pants were around his knees. He hissed as you wrapped your hand around his dick and your mouth watered. He was perfect. A thick eight inches that just barely fit in your hand, the tip the same dusky shade of pink as his lips, which were parted in anticipation. You wondered if he’d be the first man to punch your cervix. Ah I’m getting ahead of myself.

 “Look at me.” You parroted his words from before in a whisper, watching his jaw tick in annoyance at being told what to do as you tried not to let an evil grin take its place on your face. You couldn’t help it, you were irritated with him over how he’d handled things today. With his eyes locked on yours, you stuck your tongue out and teased the tip. He let out a sigh as your lips closed around the head, your tongue teasing the slit.

 “Just like that, baby girl…” he groaned, his hands holding your hair back from your face as you hollowed your cheeks. The name sent a thrill through you and you let out a soft whine against him before taking him as far as you comfortably could, earning a choked sound. “Fuck, baby, slow down..” he rasped, his head falling back as his eyes drifted shut.

 You refused, easing yourself further down and trying not to gag. That battle was lost when he gave a shallow thrust, the tip of his cock slipping down your throat. You swallowed several times to fight the gag but this only spurred him on, a series of low moans tumbling from his plump lips as he bucked his hips repeatedly. The sound scratched an itch in your brain you didn’t know existed.

 You pulled off a moment later, much to his dismay, gasping for air as you jerked him off. Your throat was gonna hurt so bad by morning. His moans pitched up ever so slightly as you gave him a squeeze, his grip forcing you back down on his cock. It wasn’t very far, he seemed to have some semblance of pity on your abused throat. “Fuck, baby girl, you’re fucking amazing..”

 The praise made you squirm, your thighs pressing together in a desperate attempt to get some sort of relief from the flood of arousal that washed over you. His words and the weight of his dick on your tongue were driving you up the wall in the best way possible. So you were visibly disappointed when he suddenly pulled you off. Damn your oral fixation. You let out a whine but he shushed you, his attention turning to the door.

 “Wait.” He ordered and pushed his chair across the tiny room, reaching out for the door. You frowned as you watched him, your annoyance not fading even when you realized he hadn’t locked the door. He was remedying that but you were frustrated at losing contact. You still didn’t get your way even as he came back to you. “Get up.”

 When you didn’t immediately move, he grabbed you by the shoulders and pulled you from under the desk, forcing you to stand. He stood with you, kicking the chair aside as he untucked your plain white blouse and began undoing the buttons one by one. At least he had the decency to do that instead of ripping your clothes off like you wanted him to do. Your own hands went behind your back to unzip your skirt but he quickly took your wrists in his hands, shaking his head. “Shouldn’t I get to unwrap my own present?” You shuddered at his tone and nodded slightly, unable to meet his gaze. “Good girl.”

 You whimpered at the name and watched a smirk settle on his face as he shoved your blouse down your arms and tossed it aside. He pulled you flush against him as his warm hands slid to your back. “Look at me.” You didn’t want to. You really didn’t want to. But your eyes met his almost instantly and his expression was smug as his fingers deftly unhooked your bra and tugged on the zipper of your skirt. In a matter of seconds, you were left in only your black thong.

 A complaint at his lack of nakedness was forming on the tip of your tongue when he squeezed your ass, earning a soft gasp. He didn’t seem like someone with a lot of experience based solely on the fact he’d been in the industry for over a decade so he played by the rules and rarely left his studio. But the way his capable hands began to knead your ass before sliding up to squeeze your hips was telling you he’d had his fair share of late night rendezvous. He spun with you in his arms and gently pushed you down on the sofa, leaving you desperate for his touch as he whipped his shirt off and shimmied the rest of the way out of his pants. He knew exactly how to wind you up.

 He was beautiful and it was hard not to stare, your eyes practically fucking him already. His low chuckle brought you back to yourself and your face heated up when he knelt in front of you. “Lean back.” Your body was now following every order as if on autopilot. You leaned back and let your head rest on the back of the couch, gasping when he snapped the waistband of your panties against your skin.

 He didn’t pull them off just yet, much to your dismay, instead dragging a finger over the wet patch. He pushed your legs up so your heels rested just on the edge of the couch and began to trail sloppy kisses along the insides of your thighs. You felt his palms smoothing over the backs of your thighs before his thumb began tracing circles over your sopping pussy, his free hand kneading your ass once more. He continued to toy with you until he was satisfied with how strung out you were, finally pulling your panties to the side and blowing on you. You let out a shaky breath, eyes half-lidded as you met his gaze with anticipation.

 When his tongue met your pussy, you let out a soft sigh. Finally. You bit your lip as he began to flick his tongue back and forth over your clit, further working you up until his lips encased the bundle of nerves and he sucked. You mewled at the sensation and your eyes slipped shut as your hands tangled in his hair. It was softer than you’d imagined considering all the bleach he’d endured. In the back of your mind, you knew you shouldn’t be doing this considering the power dynamic. He was your boss. But fuck he knew how to eat pussy.

 Despite your eyes being squeezed shut, you were seeing stars. He was alternating between sucking on your clit and rolling his tongue against it in a way that made the fire under your skin burn even hotter. Your moans were high and breathy as you bucked against his face.

 “Chan-“ your voice was a desperate moan as you called his name, squirming against him as his large, veiny hands held your hips in place. Your eyes flew open and you immediately looked down at him when he pulled away, a soft cry of protest slipping out before you could contain it. Why did he stop? His jaw ticked in annoyance and your pussy clenched around nothing at the sight as he stared up at you disdainfully. “Chan, why’d-“

 “Daddy.” He corrected, his stern voice sending a tingle of pleasure down your spine. “When I’m fucking you, you don’t get to call me Chan. You call me daddy. Understood?” He swatted your thigh and you whimpered, nodding quickly. The implication that this wasn’t a one off event wasn’t missed and you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth at the thought. He slapped your sensitive skin again when you didn’t speak up and your body jolted. “Words, baby girl. Do you understand?”

 “Y-yes, daddy…” you whispered and he flashed a mocking smile at you, just barely satisfied with your answer. He moved to dive back between your legs but you tugged at his hair to stop him, instinctively calling out his title. He looked back up at you and raised an eyebrow even as his lips reconnected with your sopping heat, repeatedly kissing there. He was making it damn near impossible to protest. “Please just fuck me, daddy..” you whined, barely able to get the words out due to him mouthing at your pussy.

 “I think that’s the best idea you’ve had all night, baby.” He sneered, straightening himself and pulling your panties off. You barely had time to blink before your legs were resting on his shoulders as he stood on his knees. You tried to shimmy yourself down onto his cock but he pulled his hips back. “Tell me, babydoll, are you always this fucking desperate?” He taunted and you whimpered.

 “Maybe, maybe not. I guess you’ll have to find out.” You huffed, not willing to give a straight answer. You didn’t think about the fact you’d just invited him to continue toying with you like this for the foreseeable future.

 “I fully intend to. And I’m gonna see to it that your desperation is directed at me from here on. I’m going to own every cell of your body and you’re going to remember this for months. You’re going to dream about my hands all over your body and the way I fill you up just right. You’ll want to be nothing more than my possession. You’re going to enter this studio wondering when you can be mine again, on edge every time I look at you. And I’m going to toy with you like some sick game of cat and mouse every chance I get. So that the next time I touch you, you’ll fall apart at the seams and beg me to put you back together.”

 Holy shit. His words were delivered in a tone so demeaning you felt like melting into the sofa as the fire under your skin seemed to reignite with a vengeance. You were lost for words but he didn’t give you a chance to form a coherent thought anyways. He was already shoving his cock into you, stretching and filling you in a way you’d never felt before. He was definitely going to be the first man to punch your cervix.

 “Fucking hell, baby..” he groaned, his head falling back and giving you the perfect view of his jaw. You wanted nothing more than to suck hickeys into the column of his throat. His neck was just so thick and you wanted to bite him. “You’re so tight like this…” he praised, his head coming back down and turning just enough for his lips to meet your calves. It seemed your desire to bite was mutual because his teeth raked over your skin a moment later and you keened.

 “Daddy, please-“ you begged, your voice merely a whisper. You didn’t know what you were begging for, you just knew you needed to beg for anything he’d give you. He didn’t give you a moment to adjust to his size, he simply set a torturously slow pace. The drag of his cock was almost unbearable with how deliberately slow he was being and you found yourself trying to meet his thrusts, needing more of the delicious sensation.

 “Look at you, already begging like a good little slut.” You knew he was making fun of you but praise was praise even if it was backhanded and you couldn’t dream of stifling the moan he drew out. “Maybe you do know how to be a good girl instead of a dumb little fuck hole.” You wanted him to keep talking down to you and he seemed to know this. “I don’t hold much hope in that though. You can’t even string together a few words for me and I haven’t even started fucking you dumb yet.”

 “Please do.” You moaned, jolting when he slapped your ass. He gave you a pointed glare and you realized your mistake. “Please fuck me dumb, daddy, I need it!” You wailed, grateful for the soundproof walls. If it weren’t for that, anyone left in the building would know exactly what Chan was doing to you.

 The change in pace made your toes curl and you felt your whole body burning up from the inside. The way his dick abused your cervix was giving you delicious pangs of pain. Your back arched as he slammed into you and you let out a feeble cry when your shifting gave him the perfect angle. It was all downhill from there, Chan degrading you as you babbled on about how good it felt. You could feel the coil in the pit of your belly winding tighter with each thrust and you whimpered out some sort of warning but he slapped your ass, the harsh blow eliciting a soft cry. “I already told you to use your words.” His voice was far more strained than before as he hammered into you and you wondered just how close he was.

 “Daddy, please- I’m so close- ‘m gonna cum, please lemme cum, daddy-“ you sobbed, tears you didn’t know you had finally spilling over. He didn’t speak, he simply held steady in his pace and took your hands in his. You felt so small and delicate when he did that, like he was afraid of breaking you while he guided you through your orgasm. Wave after wave of white-hot pleasure crashed over you, your body shaking from the force of it. Your voice came out as a choked sob rather than a moan and you felt like you were ascending.

 Chan didn’t ask where you wanted it, he couldn’t have hoped to last through your orgasm anyway with the way you squeezed him. His hips slowed as he let out a groan much higher-pitched than you’d anticipated. Your mind went as numb as your legs as his cum filled you to the brim, leaking out when he pulled out. You shuddered at the feeling and slumped back on the sofa, panting and trying to stop your tears. You wanted to cry harder when he let go of your hands.

 Warm hands gently lowered your legs before wiping your cheeks. His touch was feather-light as he tried to dry your tears. It was a stark contrast to the way he’d just used you and it seemed to sooth you. You peeked out for only a moment before closing your eyes again when you saw how close he was. His lips met your forehead and you forced yourself to take a deep breath. “You’re such a good girl, y/n. You did amazing.” He whispered, his thumbs brushing back and forth over your cheekbones.

 You felt him move away and opened your eyes, pouting at him. He gave a halfhearted laugh at your expression and pulled you towards him, moving so he was on the sofa and you were sat sideways on his lap. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he urged you to lean into him. You didn’t need to be told twice, immediately laying your head on his muscular shoulder and tucking your face in his neck. “Are you okay? That was pretty intense…”

 You nodded and he let out a sigh of relief. “I like intense…” you mumbled against his neck. “I didn’t expect intense from you of all people but I liked it.” You assured him, definitely inflating his ego. But then you remembered something he said and you couldn’t stop the teasing smile that settled on your face. “Did you get everything you needed for the track?”

 He laughed harder than you’d expected and tightened his arms around you. “Maybe, maybe not. I guess you’ll have to find out.” He copied your previous words in a playfully mocking tone. Basking in the afterglow with Chan was different from anything you’d ever experienced. He was so attentive and warm. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, your fingers tracing lines and shapes on his chest while he ran his veiny hands up and down your back, he spoke. “I hope you know I wasn’t just using you. That this wasn’t some sick power play.”

 “I know.” You whispered, kissing his jaw. “I’ve worked with you long enough to know you’re not like that. If I’d genuinely not wanted to do this, things wouldn’t have changed. Maybe it would’ve been kinda awkward for the next couple of days after the whole ‘I could be your sugar daddy’ thing, but you know when to stop.” You let out a content sigh and pulled back to look up at him. “You were right though. I definitely am gonna be on edge every time I step in this studio.” You chuckled softly as you looked up at him.

 “I just realized something.” He gave a huff of disdainful laughter as the thought hit him. For a moment you thought he was going to toy with you again but you realized quickly that he was mocking himself. “I did all that to you but didn’t even kiss those pretty lips.” His tone was far different from the disbelief that made itself known a moment before. He was bordering on coquettish as the playful gleam returned to his eyes, his lips curling into a half smile. Your cheeks flushed a soft pink at the blatant flirting and you whined as you ducked your head back into his neck but he pulled you back. “Can I?”

 You gave the tiniest of nods, flustered once more by the switch in his personality. How was he so smooth in every situation? Every thought you had, fled your mind the second his lips touched yours. His hand tangled in your hair as he sucked gently on your bottom lip, drawing a soft gasp from you. No one had kissed you like that before. You were reluctant to let him break the kiss but he pressed his forehead to yours as you both caught your breath. Both of you wore tiny smiles as if you shared the biggest secret, his fingers lightly massaging your scalp as your breath mingled with his.

 You were falling in love with your boss. It would be a mess of red tape later but for now, you’d just enjoy his affection.

[drewstarky]

Photo Opportunities

Word Count: 2.7k

Pairing(s): Tom Holland x Actress!Reader

Warnings: FLUFF with a slightly (barely) suggestive sentence towards the end 

A/n: damn I can't write anything except actress reader? smh but this is for @londonspidey ‘s sit-com Writing challenge (ik I'm early lol) but I was so excited I wrote the whole thing in one go lmao the prompt is bolded!

Calling yourself a fan was an understatement. You were obsessed with anything and everything marvel. And oddly enough, you could after today say you were in the club. It wasn’t a public fact yet, until later that day actually, at the Marvel panel at comic con that you were being announced as the actress for the character, Felica Hardy and no one else knew except for the people who cast you and your best friend who signed an NDA. You were technically still a known actress for your roles on television mainly as Thalia on the PJO Disney + series and a couple of still decently sized films. 

You were currently wrapping up signing autographs for fans of yours for today. Your team had planned it out so it wasn’t suspicious that you were at the con with a few of your castmates scattered doing other junkets and press so people wouldn’t guess who they were acting as the cast for new marvel projects. 

You had been planning to go meet your best friend, who wasn’t in the industry before getting a text that she bought you both a photo-op with someone and she wouldn’t tell you who. You couldn’t only assume it was a marvel actor that you would indeed, freak out. 

Y/b/n: btw I brought you a mask. I get the wig lol.

You: please tell me it doesn’t cover my full face. Also, how are we posing?

Y/b/n: I bought as many photo ops as I could so a lot of different ones, And if I tell you the poses it’ll spoil it.

You: is this with the money I pay you to be my assistant with? Lol fine I’m omw with security

Y/b/n: maybe… 

Y/b/n: and they’ll need more backup security for who we’re getting a photo op with than you do for your hellfire.

You roll your eyes before taking your stuff and exiting the booth, before heading out the backways with staff security and your detailed security for the day. You only had security because you wanted to explore the con when you weren’t needed.

Your best friend had also been your assistant for the con weekend, but you didn’t want her to be confined to you the whole three days so when she could, you would let her explore it, at least she could experience it as a fan, right?

When you made it to that part of the building, you wanted to wait in line with her, which your security didn’t agree to so she texted you when there were about five people ahead of her. She was one of the last in line, with you asking her to be kind, so others would get their chance to be first with whomever it was. 

When she texted you and your detailed exit, getting a few stares and others taking their phones out to either take photos or tweet, you wave at them before joining your best friend in line.

“Here,” she says before handing you none other than a black cat mask before she puts on a red wig. 

You glare at her slightly trying to not make a scene, before putting it on. 

“I’m assuming you're Mary Jane?” you laugh figuring out that it had to be someone from Spider-Man.

“How’d you- never mind.” She laughs with you.

She then explains how she’s going to pose for your five photo ops, joking in between how she should “get a raise for this”.

You catch sight of him before sucking in your breath. This was either going to go down amazingly or terribly, there was no in-between with you. 

“Excuse Me, are you Y/n Y/l/n?”

You turn around and are met by some fans who were standing in line behind you.

“I am! How’s your con going?” you ask politely to the two of them.

“It's going amazing! We love you as Thalia! Could we maybe get a picture? Only if it’s okay?”

“Of course! Thank you for supporting me!” your best friend grabs their phone to take the photo, before you take off the mask, and stand between the two fans, and your best friend snaps a few photos. 

“Thank you so much! And Are you fans of Tom?”

You start slowly walking back to catch up to the line. 

“Yeah, I love him as Spiderman, but I also enjoy his other roles. He's very talented, I'd love to work with him one day!” 

“Have you seen him in Uncharted?  We love Him as Nathan drake!”

“I have, he was amazing per usual! How are you two posing with him?”

They show you their innovative pose. You laugh and tell them it's great before you have to wish them goodbye before heading up for your turn for the photo op. 

“How do we want to pose- hang on, I recognize you!”

You freeze slightly before your friend mouths for you to flirt. You look down at the mask in your hand before getting into character and saying “Of course you do Spidey, I'm always causing you trouble.” you put on the mask and wink. 

He seems slightly stunned, laughing, feeling like he’s seen you somewhere, not only because he found you extremely gorgeous, while in his peripheral vision he sees his brother/ assistant, Harry waving like a madman on the side. 

Your friend directs you both through the poses, first, one both him putting “webs” onto you as she looks over his shoulder, the second one, both of you kissing his cheeks, the third, all jumping in the air in your best superhero poses, the fourth one she gets a photo op alone and the last one she gives to you,

“Seriously, who are you?”

“Your Wildest dreams, baby,” you say, taking off the mask. 

Your best friend yells “freestyle” from the sidelines before Tom dips you, gently, with you shocked, holding the mask out with your free arm and the photo captures that moment. 

 He gently helps you stand back up fully, not before you drop the mask.

“Nice moves Spider-Man.”

“Not so bad yourself, Black Cat.”

You laugh before, taking off with your best friend, well more her dragging you to the printing station leaving the mask behind. Tom picks it up before shoving it in his back pocket to hopefully give back if he could find you. 

-

`You were sitting in the green room, trending on Twitter before you were actually supposed to be trending on Twitter, and god knows where else.  

Someone had snuck a video of you and Tom, up till him dipping you, and a video of you interacting with the fans in the line.

Your Y/b/n was currently reading off some tweets out loud

“‘A kind queen we stan.’  I agree, I also agree with ‘Date her if you can't date me tom!!!’.

‘THALIA AND PETER PARKER??? My two fandoms have collided.’ same, same. Oo this one says, ‘if she ain’t playing black cat I will sue marvel.’ I'm dying at the reply ‘She needs to post the photos or I'll sue her!’. This one’s funny, ‘she could squash him like a bug in heels but he liked his queen like that.’.”

She pauses watching you texting.

“Y/n? Y/n?”

“What? Sorry I was only half listening. I was texting my publicist. She said to stay on the DL until tonight. 

“Well we should get food, you haven't eaten since this morning.”

“By the way, your show has shot to number one on Disney +. Also, you have like three times the followers you had before, probably cause you're trending on every platform, even Tumblr!”

“Wow you should just become my social media manager now.” you joke trying to ease the joy yet weirded out feeling in your stomach.

“Does that come with a raise? Because after today I've spent way too much of what I'm paid.” she jokes back.

-

After finishing his photo ops Tom asked Harry who she was and to find out. By the time he finished autographs for the day, Tom and Harry walked to the panel room in the back for announcements, one that included him for the new Avengers movie, while Harry gave him the rundown.

“So she’s an actress, she plays Thalia on Disney plus’ Percy Jackson series, and that's her most known project. The other girl with her is her assistant best friend, and now she's trending everywhere. People dug up some old photos of her being a marvel/Spider-Man fan, so there's that. And she's here at the con for the rest of the weekend. She's doing photo ops tomorrow at one, and yes she's single from what I gather since you were looking at her like this.” he makes a weird face before tom smacks him.

“And plus you have time in your schedule to get a photo op with her, that is if you eat lunch quickly.”

That gave Tom an idea. 

“Harry I’m going to need you to book me one, oh and help me find a Spider-Man costume!” He says, before leaving harry to do ‘assistant’ work. entering the green room for the announcements, watching them announce a new movie.

“We are so excited to announce to the Marvel Universe, and spider-verse-” that perked tom’s ears, “-directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, and today we are announcing our amazing Miss Felicia Hardy, please give a warm welcome to the stage, Your Black Cat!”

You suddenly emerged in an aisle way, dressed in all black with a leather jacket, black ankle boots, and of course black sunglasses indoors.

The music is marvel music until it suddenly changes after a recorded laugh from you into “I can’t be tamed by Miley Cyrus”.

You start owning the music while saying hi and touching fans’ hands. You decide to take off your sunglasses and throwing them to a fan, for them to keep, before getting on stage.

“What a Performance from the one the only Y/n Y/l/n!”

You laugh, being met with the loudest applause you had heard all con before being handed a Mic. 

“Thank you but I'm a terrible dancer.” You Joke.

Tom was staring at the screen stunned. You had been the black cat all along. You were in the marvel universe and spidey one,  so he'd definitely be seeing more of you. The hard part is that you seemed so genuine when you talked, interacted with fans and was no doubt, stunning. 

“Better close your mouth or the flies will get in.” Tom turns around to find the voice of none other than his friend slash bully, Sebastian Stan, along with Anthony Mackie.

“Looks like the kid has a crush!” Anthony laughs, pointing to the screen you were on.

“I-I don’t! I don’t even know her!” Tom tries to come to his own defense, hopelessly.

“She’s got you whipped already don’t even deny it.” Harry comes in, joining the teasing of one, Tom Holland.

“Maybe we can invite her out for drinks tonight, then fanboy over here can meet her, and then probably scare her off!” Anthony mentions.

“You haven’t looked on the internet? They’ve already met.” Seb says, before showing Anthony twitter. 

Anthony stands there slightly shocked before bursting into laughter.

“Well, she’s damn well a keeper for Tom since she obviously likes him.”

A staff member peaks their head in the green room to tell Tom he’s up next.

“Well, that’s my cue to leave you two!”

On the other hand, you were on an adrenaline high from being on stage, and seeing all the fans. You knew tomorrow was going to be crazy, as you expected people to book your photo op left and right since the announcement. 

You had decided to decline an offer from your fellow marvel universe castmates, Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie, which they so graciously told you that whenever you’re free, the offer still stood. 

You had gotten to your hotel room seeing your phone blowing up on the social media apps for the second time that day. 

You responded to the important stuff, before heading to bed, knowing it was going to be hectic.

-

You had been right, it was absolutely insane, the number of people who showed up. You had fully booked all your time slots for photo ops. You had seen so many people dressed up in marvel cosplay, ranging from Loki to Ironman, even some people dressed up as your character, which was wildly insane to see.

You had been nearing the end of the line and had enjoyed every moment with the fans, and you couldn’t wait for your autographing session later that day, to truly get a chance to talk to the fans and connect with them and how they felt about you being their beloved Black Cat. 

After a few more photos, posing how they wanted, you see a fully dressed, head to toe, mask and all, Spider-Man. You had seen some spider-mans but most took off their masks to snap a picture. The person was the last in line. 

“Hey Black Cat.” The southern American accented voice tells you, seeming very familiar. 

“Hey, Spider, what poses do you have up your sleeve?” you ask kindly.

“I bought a few, Cat.” they laugh.

“Okay, You can do whatever a spider can right?” you pull out a line out of the comics jokingly.

“I can do flips if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? Because it’s only kind of working.” you laugh. 

“I really can, but this is one.”

He gets down on one knee, holding a black cat mask instead of a ring. The photographer captures the shocked expression on your face.

“I- Don’t- What- Spider I-” 

“Ow My feelings…” Suddenly their voice changes into a British accent before they pull off the mask to reveal-

“Tom?”

“I guess you don’t have a spidey sense darling?” The photographer captures the moment without warning eating the moment up. 

You laugh at that. 

“I guess you found out my true identity Spider. And it’s nice to officially meet you, Tom.”

He laughs, just as nervous as you, he notices he has gotten closer to you and a strand of hair loosely is blowing in your face, so naturally, he pushes it behind your ear. Another snap of the camera can be heard. 

“NOW KISS!” a voice belonging to your best friend yells from the side, mid-eating a churro.

You both laugh really hard at that.

The both of you calm down, slowly leaning lost in the moment. The camera snaps again. You both look at the photographer weirded out, and they just shrug.

“Wait can you actually do a flip?” you ask, pulling away, not wanting prying eyes aka the photographer, to pry in your business. 

“I can, though I’d show you later, maybe in the greenroom?”

“That sounds naughty, but, sure.” you joke around. 

He laughs before, you both take off from the area going to grab the photos.

-

After spending most of the day together when you could, you get Tom’s number, before heading back to your hotel room. He texts you as soon as you get back. 

Spider: I had fun today, minus finding our assistants making out.

You: we should ‘snog’ too, it’ll gross them out ;)

You: I had fun too btw. Are you leaving tomorrow?

Spider: lol we should. And yeah an early flight, 6 am to be exact. Hbu?

You: Yeah me too... another day another dollar lol

Spider: ill miss you, Cat.

You: stop talking like we’ll never see each other again lol. As a matter of fact, come to my room, we’re watching a movie!

Spider: alright, I’ll order snacks. 

  You sigh smiling at your phone. You haven’t felt this giddy in a long time.

Your phone pings with a few Instagram notifications.

Tomholland2013 has started following you.

Tomholland2013 has tagged you in a photo.

You open Instagram to find the photo of him “proposing” to you posted.

“Ow, my leg, my- feelings...Welcome to the Universe, Cat.” the photo is captioned. You decide to post, the photo of him dipping you.

“So what do you say, Spider? Wanna help me pull off the Heist of the Heist of the Century?” you caption it, Before getting comfortable to watch a movie. 

What an opportunity ;)

Tags:

@lolooo22 @webmeupspiderdaddy @harryhollandsgirlfriend @spideyspeaches @greenorangevioletgrass @queenofthepouges @sheranatic111 @keithseabrook27

[cyaneyesullivan]

listening to WAP and having thoughts...

i took my interest off petekey for a while to focus on other stuff, but everytime i listen to Fall Out Boy, the wonder and amazement spark back immediately... i’m still completely blown away (among other things) by how much Pete must’ve liked (loved) Mikey to keep up with it for so long -- or how much he feels in general. and even if the songs aren’t about Mikey (i have discussed this briefly), it doesn’t change the fact that Pete is absolutely tormented by his own emotions. it’s kind of fascinating.

with that being said, i’m in the mood to list off all the suspicious lyrics ever written by Pete that makes me go “damn, Mikey really did a disgusting number on him” or like, “poor Pete man”

disclaimer: again, these lyrics, let alone songs, might not be about Mikey, but i choose to believe so. i have to satisfy my fixation and bedazzlement on the fact that petekey highkey happened in the summer of 05. 

i’m only including my favorite songs or i’ll be here all night.

italic = my favorite lines

in no particular order:

Bishops Knife Trick (a LOT to unpack in this one): - And I’m living out of time, eternal heatstroke - Spiritual revolt from the waist down - To the places that we never should have left - I’ve got a feeling inside that I can’t domesticate, it doesn’t want to live in a cage, a feeling that I can’t housebreak - And I’m yours, ‘til the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll away - I’m struggling to exist with you, and without you - I’m sifting through the sand, sand, sand, sand, looking for pieces of broken hourglass - Trying to get it all back, put it back together, as if the time had never passed - I know I should walk away, know I should walk away - But I just want to let you break my brain - And I can’t seem to get a grip - No, no matter how I live with it

Heaven’s Gate (some interesting elements here that describe Pete’s all-consuming yet destructive love) - If there were any more left of me, I’d give it to you (this one is just a personal favorite, not particularly related to Mikey) - Go out in the world, start over again and again, as many times as you can - ‘Cause everything else is a substitute for your love - I’ve got dreams of my own, but I want to make yours come true (another personal favorite lol) - You’re the one habit I just can’t kick

The Last Of The Real Ones (i adore this song but it leaves a lot of space for vague interpretation, so I’ll just list off my favorite lyrics that give me goosebumps when I think they’re meant for Mikey) - You are the sun and I am just the planets, spinning around you - You were too good to be true, gold plated, but what’s inside you? - I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you but not as much as I do, as much as I do - I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me - That ultra-kind of love you never walk away from - I am a collapsing star with tunnel vision, but only for you - My head is stripped just like a screw that’s been tightened too many times, when I think of you - Just tell me, tell me, tell me I, I am the only one, even if it’s not true, even if it’s not true

Just One Yesterday (oh my lord, this one lmao -- honestly the whole song has this odd vibe that it’s a pointed jab at Mikey) - Anything you say can and will be held against, so only say my name - I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday (any notion that suggests Pete is obsessed with the past is a win) - I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way - I don’t have the right name or the right looks, but I have twice the heart (i just feel like maybe he’s implying he’s not a girl and that does not please no-homo Mikey) - If I spilled my guts, the world would never look at you the same way (lol) - And now I’m here to give you all my love - So I can watch your face as I take it all away

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet (my ultimate favorite of FOB. unbeatable. i had to put it here if only to honor it) --> i talked about it before -- there are no obvious marks of petekey here, but i made a post on it in the past

Immortals (lolol) - I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass (hourglass, time, past, bottom half, Pete is still waiting for Mikey, blabla) - I try to picture me without you but I can’t - ‘Cause we could be immortals, immortals, just not for long, for long - And live with me forever now, pull the black out curtains down (blocking public exposure?) - I’m still comparing your past to my future - It might your wound but, they’re my sutures (Pete’s heartbreak = big inspiration that keeps him writing lyrics therefore having a career?)

Centuries (obviously) - Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold - But you will remember me, remember me for centuries (they must have done super crazy shit back in 05) - And just one mistake, is all it will take, we’ll go down in history (presumably, their story must be so nuts it will end up in a massive gossip explosion) - Mummified my teenage dreams (his songs lol) - No it’s nothing wrong with me, the kids are all wrong, the story’s all off, heavy metal broke my heart - Bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints - Cause I-I am the opposite of amnesia (notable, since there is concrete evidence of their ‘lovestruck summer’ in the form of a million of his lyrics) - You look so pretty but you’re gone so soon - We’ve been here forever, and here’s the frozen proof (again, his lyrics, photographs, dramas, tweets etc)

Irresistible (honestly, the whole song lmao) - Mon cheri (i’m only putting this one down because, little story: i didn’t know about petekey when i first listened to this song, and i’m french, and when i heard this for the first time i was like, wtf, people keep wanting to use french words and end up using them wrong. well, oops. maybe the use this time wasn’t as faulty as i thought)

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T - I neve really feel a thing, I was kind of too froze - You were the only one, that even kind of came close - I took too many hits off this memory (memory = joint? lmao) - Another day goes by (without Mikey?) - So hold me tight, or don’t (basically, settle or fade) - Oh no, no, no this isn’t how our story ends - I got too high again when I realized I can’t not be with you or be just your friend - I love you to death but I just can’t, I just can’t pretend, we were lovers first - Confidants but never friends, were we ever friends? (interesting point since they never really had a lasting friendship. it’s a well known fact they helped each other with their own monsters (so, confidants), but after the whole summer fiasco, their friendship was at best on and off, and even then, there’s a lot of mourning on Pete’s end. poor guy) - ‘Cause I’m past the limits, the distance between us, it sharpens me like a knife

Jet Pack Blues - I’m the last one that you’ll ever remember - And I’m trying to find my peace of mind - She’s in a long black coat tonight (someone, in a significant night, has been in a long black coat too) - Did you ever love her? Do you know? Or did you never want to be alone? (notable, Pete is questioning whether or not his ‘love’ could stem from loneliness, because this shit happens way too often than should be) - Don’t you remember how we used to split a drink? It never matted what it was - I think our hands were just that close, the sweetness never lasted, no Novocaine (i like this one in particular because it just seems to suggest that Pete will never be finished with this, and will haunt Mikey forever, either to get revenge for being left behind or relive that one unforgettable summer) - I will always land on you like a sucker punch (omg lmao) - I am your worst, I am your worst nightmare - If you knew, knew what the bluebirds sing at you, you would never sing along - Because they took our love and they filled it up, filled it up with novocaine and now I’m just numb - I don’t feel a thing for you (sure) - I’m just a problem that doesn’t wanna be solved - I feel like a photo that’s been overexposed (i wonder if it’s because of all the junk he posted on livejournal) that concludes it! of course, there are so many more obvious songs, like Fourth of July and Bang the Doldrums, but i don’t love those songs, so i didn’t include them. and side note, the lyrics hit that much harder when Patrick is the damn singer and makes everything hurt. but i’ll rant about that in another post, maybe.

(it doesn’t really matter who sees this or doesn’t -- i just wanted to put this out somewhere. petekey will forever be so interesting. the impact Mikey (or whoever Pete wrote about) had on Pete is just unbelievable to me.)

end.