cyaneyesullivan

[cyaneyesullivan]

i'm down to try! just give me lots of instructions :')

does anyone who’s good at art or whatever wanna collab and draw some art for this fic i’m writing because i cAnT do it myself, i’ve tried. i really have. i don’t have the skills.

[cyaneyesullivan]

afternoon thoughts...

i recently experienced a weird, inexplicable heartbreak that i’ve been struggling to rationalize. while it’s been eating me alive for a couple of months now, i’m just realizing that i never had a full-handed grasp on Pete’s feelings. i guess, obviously, when you can identify with someone’s pain, you get a much deeper understanding of what sort of unceasing agony they’d gone through. 

i’ve seen people who have expressed this on tumblr before. i’m just surprised it took me this long to understand the kind of things that entail from heartbreak, generally speaking. of course, each person experiences it differently, but well, i never felt it in this way before.

so many times i touched upon the mind-blowing fact that, more than 15 years later, Pete still finds inspiration in the agony that someone he had direct relations with for a strict minimum of 1 month and a half inflicted on him. it was mind-blowing because, well, i sort of understood it, but i couldn’t relate to it even the least bit. 

most of the time, i’m like -- why? why do you love him so much? wasn’t it just like, a month or two? what could be the reason behind the fact that, almost two decades later, you still can’t let go?

romance hasn’t really been a big concern of mine. i just find it interesting when it’s other people’s love life, hence my fixation with petekey -- we all have to agree that their story is just off the charts if you want to rate it by degree of dramatic. 

in my case, i had quite serious problems with my mental health, met a person during summer break that kept me so carefreely happy for a whole 2 months, and when they sort of flaked on me, and then came back, and flaked again, i couldn’t help but think at some point -- hm. so this is just the gist of what Pete must have felt. 

so as i sat there, simmering in this misery of being left behind, i began to imagine the sheer brain-damaging intensity with which Pete’s emotions must have whirled at him. not to mention all the crazy depressing notes he left on his LiveJournal. just like there is more to the relation i had with this person than i can express/explain, it’s sad to think of all the details that have eluded us as an audience from the petekey drama that lasted so long. there’s so much that we don’t know. imagine the possibilities...

from thinking that Pete’s a big sap about a failed relationship, yet still understanding that he must have just loved Mikey so much without any real reason other than, idk, fate or something -- i came to realize that it’s not the amount of time you spend with someone that make you love them (as opposed to what i used to believe). sometimes, you just connect, and there’s no explanation to it. 

this might not be anything new to some, but it was a huge eye-opener to me. kind of like a threshold to the reality of becoming Pete Wentz lmao. 

i would just like to know if i’m the only person that’s so strangely mind-blown by this. i don’t want to seem obsessive, this is of course not all i think about (my brain capacity for thinking about useless shit is limitless), but i’m simply amazed. like i really can’t get over Pete not getting over Mikey lol i still have so many questions.

tl;dr -- i will never cease to be absolutely dumbfounded by the summer of 05 and two little birds that lived through it

if you made it to here, thank you. your time is valuable but you still read my rant and i really, genuinely appreciate it. 

[cyaneyesullivan]

talking purely from the point of view of a petekey stan but... this is actually interesting to consider. Mikey does a terrible job at being expressive as an artist, or idk as a person in general, but given how freaky close the Ways are and how much they love each other, there’s a reasonable possibility of it being true. and this... this raises so many questions. 

(disclaimer: these are just speculations i built from the theory that I Don’t Love You is a song written by Gerard in Mikey’s point of view. synonymously, i mean these are thoughts, what-ifs, ideas that bubble up in me, which i decided to put into words in my free time.)

i understand, again, that not every breakup/longing song MCR or FOB produces is necessarily the result of petekey (although, arguably, Pete is FOB’s songwriter + he never learned how to keep his thoughts to himself + “I’m sorry every song’s about you”). but yes, you are right. think about it. 

(to preface, i believe the “I don’t love you” part is what Mikey would say to Pete)

the whole reason why Pete is so darn stubborn in his mourning of their hot summer relationship is probably because someone (basically his epitome of true love) stopped loving him, on the basis that ‘someone’ is Mikey lol. like, if he were the one who has fallen out first, would he be the sad clusterfuck of a songwriter that we know? (if you look at Fall Out Boy’s discography, at least 50% of each of their albums is about agonizing over the death of this amazing, mind-blowing relationship, otherwise described as “loved by everyone but you” kind of vibe.)

i got carried away, but the point is, someone stopped loving him, and Pete went(z) (hah, lol) crazy ever since. and still pertaining to this theory that Gerard wrote this song in Mikey’s perspective, the thing i asked myself immediately is... has Gerard ever supported whatever was going on between the two of them? maybe he felt neutral about it. or maybe i’m getting way too worked up over this (as usual).

also, i always had a feeling that I Don’t Love You fits the wonkiest in the album. the album depicts the story of a man with cancer. Dead!, Cancer, This Is How I Disappear, The Sharpest Lives, even Mama are examples of songs that make sense. but i could honestly never understand how I Don’t Love You fits in there or how to interpret it as a part of a storyline. 

so yes, it’s entirely possible, if not a little farfetched. Mikey was never big in songwriting, so someone had to do it for him lmao. this, of course, is not what i 100% believe -- I Don’t Love You remains to me a random song that Gerard wrote. i’m just, ruminating, because it’s worth thinking about.

and yes, think about it. if I Don’t Love You were really a Gerard-style replica of Mikey’s feelings? oh how absolutely heartbreaking that would be. “I don’t love you, like I did, yesterday.” Mikey still loves Pete, surely, just not in that summer-horny way anymore? 

lyric-wise, there’s nothing much to work from, but here are notable ones i cherrypicked:

And after all this time that you still owe (notion of time passing, Pete back then still actively seeking to mend their relationship) You're still the good-for-nothing, I don't know  But baby when they knock you Down and out It's where you oughta stay (Pete has a tendency to become this explosive emotional mess that tosses info about his love life like flyers, and maybe Mikey never appreciated being anonymously put out there. someone-knock-this-guy-out-and-pray-he-stays-there vibe.) And after all the blood that you still owe (maybe they fought a lot at some point over what remains of their friend/relationship?)

So fix your eyes and get up Better get up While you can (in other words: move on, Pete. it’s time.)

sticking to the theme of Gerard writing this on Mikey’s behalf, maybe he didn’t have the best of thoughts about petekey :’)

anyways, the amount i think is twice the amount i talk, and in both case, it’s a lot. it’s just my take, i hope whoever reads this enjoyed my humongous blocks of words even a little bit. 

for context, i was spiraling at 4 in the morning because ya know,,,mental health issues but whatever that’s not the point.

so i was thinking, how coool it would be if there was a life on the murder scene style documentary for the black parade. which in retrospect, it would actually be horrible because the production period of that album was just not a good time for them but thATS NOT THE POINT.

anyway, i was so high on sleep deprivation that i had a half-dream (like the kind you have where you’re still sort of awake) about like, a bunch of hypothetical scenes that would be in this tbp lotms movie. it was just like an interview sort of thing? if you know me, you know i’m terrified of all the paramour mansion stories because i’m,,,,flawed as a human being. so one of the scenes was just the guys talking about the paramour and stuff but the oThEr oNe-

was gerard saying that he wrote i don’t love you from like- mikey’s perspective?? because the whole thing is from the patients perspective right but,,,,gerard wrote it,,,,as if he were mikey- and dream-me was like,,,,petekey?? does that makes sense?? which. it doesn’t make sense. that’s why it’s not true. but imagine if it was??? think about it??? am i insane???

[cyaneyesullivan]

listening to WAP and having thoughts...

i took my interest off petekey for a while to focus on other stuff, but everytime i listen to Fall Out Boy, the wonder and amazement spark back immediately... i’m still completely blown away (among other things) by how much Pete must’ve liked (loved) Mikey to keep up with it for so long -- or how much he feels in general. and even if the songs aren’t about Mikey (i have discussed this briefly), it doesn’t change the fact that Pete is absolutely tormented by his own emotions. it’s kind of fascinating.

with that being said, i’m in the mood to list off all the suspicious lyrics ever written by Pete that makes me go “damn, Mikey really did a disgusting number on him” or like, “poor Pete man”

disclaimer: again, these lyrics, let alone songs, might not be about Mikey, but i choose to believe so. i have to satisfy my fixation and bedazzlement on the fact that petekey highkey happened in the summer of 05. 

i’m only including my favorite songs or i’ll be here all night.

italic = my favorite lines

in no particular order:

Bishops Knife Trick (a LOT to unpack in this one): - And I’m living out of time, eternal heatstroke - Spiritual revolt from the waist down - To the places that we never should have left - I’ve got a feeling inside that I can’t domesticate, it doesn’t want to live in a cage, a feeling that I can’t housebreak - And I’m yours, ‘til the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll away - I’m struggling to exist with you, and without you - I’m sifting through the sand, sand, sand, sand, looking for pieces of broken hourglass - Trying to get it all back, put it back together, as if the time had never passed - I know I should walk away, know I should walk away - But I just want to let you break my brain - And I can’t seem to get a grip - No, no matter how I live with it

Heaven’s Gate (some interesting elements here that describe Pete’s all-consuming yet destructive love) - If there were any more left of me, I’d give it to you (this one is just a personal favorite, not particularly related to Mikey) - Go out in the world, start over again and again, as many times as you can - ‘Cause everything else is a substitute for your love - I’ve got dreams of my own, but I want to make yours come true (another personal favorite lol) - You’re the one habit I just can’t kick

The Last Of The Real Ones (i adore this song but it leaves a lot of space for vague interpretation, so I’ll just list off my favorite lyrics that give me goosebumps when I think they’re meant for Mikey) - You are the sun and I am just the planets, spinning around you - You were too good to be true, gold plated, but what’s inside you? - I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you but not as much as I do, as much as I do - I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me - That ultra-kind of love you never walk away from - I am a collapsing star with tunnel vision, but only for you - My head is stripped just like a screw that’s been tightened too many times, when I think of you - Just tell me, tell me, tell me I, I am the only one, even if it’s not true, even if it’s not true

Just One Yesterday (oh my lord, this one lmao -- honestly the whole song has this odd vibe that it’s a pointed jab at Mikey) - Anything you say can and will be held against, so only say my name - I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday (any notion that suggests Pete is obsessed with the past is a win) - I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way - I don’t have the right name or the right looks, but I have twice the heart (i just feel like maybe he’s implying he’s not a girl and that does not please no-homo Mikey) - If I spilled my guts, the world would never look at you the same way (lol) - And now I’m here to give you all my love - So I can watch your face as I take it all away

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet (my ultimate favorite of FOB. unbeatable. i had to put it here if only to honor it) --> i talked about it before -- there are no obvious marks of petekey here, but i made a post on it in the past

Immortals (lolol) - I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass (hourglass, time, past, bottom half, Pete is still waiting for Mikey, blabla) - I try to picture me without you but I can’t - ‘Cause we could be immortals, immortals, just not for long, for long - And live with me forever now, pull the black out curtains down (blocking public exposure?) - I’m still comparing your past to my future - It might your wound but, they’re my sutures (Pete’s heartbreak = big inspiration that keeps him writing lyrics therefore having a career?)

Centuries (obviously) - Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold - But you will remember me, remember me for centuries (they must have done super crazy shit back in 05) - And just one mistake, is all it will take, we’ll go down in history (presumably, their story must be so nuts it will end up in a massive gossip explosion) - Mummified my teenage dreams (his songs lol) - No it’s nothing wrong with me, the kids are all wrong, the story’s all off, heavy metal broke my heart - Bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints - Cause I-I am the opposite of amnesia (notable, since there is concrete evidence of their ‘lovestruck summer’ in the form of a million of his lyrics) - You look so pretty but you’re gone so soon - We’ve been here forever, and here’s the frozen proof (again, his lyrics, photographs, dramas, tweets etc)

Irresistible (honestly, the whole song lmao) - Mon cheri (i’m only putting this one down because, little story: i didn’t know about petekey when i first listened to this song, and i’m french, and when i heard this for the first time i was like, wtf, people keep wanting to use french words and end up using them wrong. well, oops. maybe the use this time wasn’t as faulty as i thought)

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T - I neve really feel a thing, I was kind of too froze - You were the only one, that even kind of came close - I took too many hits off this memory (memory = joint? lmao) - Another day goes by (without Mikey?) - So hold me tight, or don’t (basically, settle or fade) - Oh no, no, no this isn’t how our story ends - I got too high again when I realized I can’t not be with you or be just your friend - I love you to death but I just can’t, I just can’t pretend, we were lovers first - Confidants but never friends, were we ever friends? (interesting point since they never really had a lasting friendship. it’s a well known fact they helped each other with their own monsters (so, confidants), but after the whole summer fiasco, their friendship was at best on and off, and even then, there’s a lot of mourning on Pete’s end. poor guy) - ‘Cause I’m past the limits, the distance between us, it sharpens me like a knife

Jet Pack Blues - I’m the last one that you’ll ever remember - And I’m trying to find my peace of mind - She’s in a long black coat tonight (someone, in a significant night, has been in a long black coat too) - Did you ever love her? Do you know? Or did you never want to be alone? (notable, Pete is questioning whether or not his ‘love’ could stem from loneliness, because this shit happens way too often than should be) - Don’t you remember how we used to split a drink? It never matted what it was - I think our hands were just that close, the sweetness never lasted, no Novocaine (i like this one in particular because it just seems to suggest that Pete will never be finished with this, and will haunt Mikey forever, either to get revenge for being left behind or relive that one unforgettable summer) - I will always land on you like a sucker punch (omg lmao) - I am your worst, I am your worst nightmare - If you knew, knew what the bluebirds sing at you, you would never sing along - Because they took our love and they filled it up, filled it up with novocaine and now I’m just numb - I don’t feel a thing for you (sure) - I’m just a problem that doesn’t wanna be solved - I feel like a photo that’s been overexposed (i wonder if it’s because of all the junk he posted on livejournal) that concludes it! of course, there are so many more obvious songs, like Fourth of July and Bang the Doldrums, but i don’t love those songs, so i didn’t include them. and side note, the lyrics hit that much harder when Patrick is the damn singer and makes everything hurt. but i’ll rant about that in another post, maybe.

(it doesn’t really matter who sees this or doesn’t -- i just wanted to put this out somewhere. petekey will forever be so interesting. the impact Mikey (or whoever Pete wrote about) had on Pete is just unbelievable to me.)

end.

[cyaneyesullivan]

what happened there, he switched glasses and randomly took them off too

In his gay little trenchcoat

[cyaneyesullivan]

oh my god

[cyaneyesullivan]

pre-wednesday-when-my-dreaded-chinese-class-will-occur-within-9-hours thoughts...

Pete Wentz's Instagram stories freak me out sometimes. like when he stares at the camera for 5 full seconds and turning the angles slightly and then throwing in a random arch of the brow or twitch of a smile.

and by freak me out, i mean i'm pleasantly confused. like, i wonder what he thinks when he does that, and if he rewatches his own stories and then sees himself doing that... idk it's hilarious to me.

the man knows he's a work of art hahah

[cyaneyesullivan]

forgot about his Black Parade hair. yeah, love it too. you could see his face. and bonus Mikey in I Don't Love You music video is elite too. still above the DD hair for me.

Let's talk about Mikey's hair...

hair is something so personal, and honestly i don't think there's one such thing as ugly hair?? it's just like everything else pertaining to beauty. subjective, right?

with that said, i do have favorites among all the hairstyles Mikey has ever rocked.

my favorite will have to be his weird hair with bangs swept to the side and straightened to a crisp and messy behind... it can be the bullet era or revenge era, something like that (bonus points if it's long), just not when he gels it into a revolutionary triangle shape across his forehead HAHAH. his natural color looks really pretty and healthy tbh

and then i'm torn. i love. love. love beyond love his long hair when it fell all messy down his face, when he already got lasik. that really suited him and i'm sad it didn't last very long, but it looked really, really good. the only reason this hair is not up there for me is because his weird hair is like a classic. it's a Mikey staple kind of thing and i love that, even if he himself cannot fathom his early hair decisions lmao

and lastly, DD Mikey. i'm not a big fan of that hair on him, it does look good in general but i honestly think there's better? i don't know i found myself being underwhelmed, because the change is so drastic hahahahhah it's just an opinion though. again, hair is subjective. and that also includes Mikey right now, with the buzzcut and all. looks good on him but wow, really wish he'd kept the long hair look going.

i'm not familiar with other hairstyles on Mikey, like the faux hawk he tried pulling multiple times if i'm not wrong (which looks cool honestly, still not my favorite) but this is just the gist of it.

all in all though, it's Mikey's hair and the most important is that he likes it regardless of what the public (like me) thinks.

good day/night!

[cyaneyesullivan]

Let's talk about Mikey's hair...

hair is something so personal, and honestly i don't think there's one such thing as ugly hair?? it's just like everything else pertaining to beauty. subjective, right?

with that said, i do have favorites among all the hairstyles Mikey has ever rocked.

my favorite will have to be his weird hair with bangs swept to the side and straightened to a crisp and messy behind... it can be the bullet era or revenge era, something like that (bonus points if it's long), just not when he gels it into a revolutionary triangle shape across his forehead HAHAH. his natural color looks really pretty and healthy tbh

and then i'm torn. i love. love. love beyond love his long hair when it fell all messy down his face, when he already got lasik. that really suited him and i'm sad it didn't last very long, but it looked really, really good. the only reason this hair is not up there for me is because his weird hair is like a classic. it's a Mikey staple kind of thing and i love that, even if he himself cannot fathom his early hair decisions lmao

and lastly, DD Mikey. i'm not a big fan of that hair on him, it does look good in general but i honestly think there's better? i don't know i found myself being underwhelmed, because the change is so drastic hahahahhah it's just an opinion though. again, hair is subjective. and that also includes Mikey right now, with the buzzcut and all. looks good on him but wow, really wish he'd kept the long hair look going.

i'm not familiar with other hairstyles on Mikey, like the faux hawk he tried pulling multiple times if i'm not wrong (which looks cool honestly, still not my favorite) but this is just the gist of it.

all in all though, it's Mikey's hair and the most important is that he likes it regardless of what the public (like me) thinks.

good day/night!

[cyaneyesullivan]

things i wish would come back:

- petekey

- bandom

- glasses Mikey

- Pete's cryptic rants

- new music from my favorite bands (aka A7x, Slipknot, Stone Sour, FOB, maybe MCR if i wasn't so skeptical about their so-called reunion in general, and more)

- the world pre-pandemic

- so we can, you know, go out or something

[cyaneyesullivan]

i forgot to put it down here but if anyone's interested, i finally finished my petekey last week!

For Pete, it's just a matter of routine. Jumping from work to sex to arguing with his mom about not wanting kids amounts to nothing more than the groove of his life.

For Mikey, it's summer, and he's bored. It only makes sense to fake a relationship with a hot stranger.

For the two of them, it's just about realizing how much they need each other.

yay?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900422

[cyaneyesullivan]

another 2am piece of thought...

naively, i never expected petekey to have haters. i was on pinterest and a petekey meme thing randomly popped up and i saw comments with vomit emojis or people going "EWWW NO WAY MAN"

i never expected petekey to have haters because... idk the thing seems so REAL to me, like how can you oppose facts?? ok, not facts, but almost-facts, unproven-but-almost-proven facts. that's my bELieVeR side talking though.

i really can't figure out why people still hate on ships. it's something fictional to begin with. shipping is the freedom of imagination... hating on things people just like to imagine about seems like a waste of time to me... idk. you may, for example, not ship frerard but you don't shit on it because... why? for what?

(i'm always talking about petekey or Mikey here but it's because this blog is intended for that. i do do other things too huee)

anyway, have a good day/night!

[cyaneyesullivan]

[cyaneyesullivan]

i drew Mikey Way and Joey Jordison a while ago. i posted these on my IG that i use as a drawing archive. they're just a peek at what you might find! it's nothing much but i love my little page :)

it would really help me if you followed me! i draw things inspired by lyrics and may accept requests if i receive any. you can have me draw a portrait of you or give me lyrics from a song you like or even both!

check me out at the_bewitched on IG if you're interested! thank you.

[cyaneyesullivan]

Let’s talk about Lyn-Z...

i don’t usually like to get involved in these things, but there are several thoughts on my mind that i want to write on here. i want to talk about cancel culture and Lyn-Z Way. 

i think the whole scandal surrounding Lyn-Z is ridiculous. i’ve never listened to MSI, nor have i ever supported Lyn-Z, and will do neither. it doesn’t matter whether you love or hate Lyn-Z, really. she objectively has done things that are downright unacceptable. it’s a whole list. you are a google search away from finding out things you may have not known about her. 

honestly, a lot of the things doesn’t sit right with me at all, and that’s why i wanted to talk about it. she’s getting by nearly unscathed when a lot of people would have burned down and disappeared from the face of the internet by now. 

i’m not here to parse what the hell she’s done wrong, because there’s already a blog for that, which i think gathers sufficient data with proof for all of us to draw a (our own) conclusion. 

but cancel culture? that shit is funky too. 

i don’t hate Lyn-Z, i just think she’s done shitty stuff that she should own up to, and apologize to the people who deserve an apology. i truly believe people can change for the best and move past their fuckups with a valuable lesson and show that they are capable of not reproducing the same mistakes. she hasn’t done any of the above, and i think that’s what makes people upset. 

these people live in the spotlight; they are role models, their lives are public, we have a right to comment on what we see. the “why do you even care, it’s her life,” doesn’t work. she broadcasts her life on social media, as a celebrity, so whining about receiving hate is absurd. especially when you’ve been a shitty person publicly, with proof (provided by people close to her, too) backing up the fact that you have been shitty. 

speaking of role models, you just can’t use the argument that a lot of people looked up to Lyn-Z or that she saved lives etc. cool, but how is that relevant? your role model fucked up. sure, branding her as a bitch or a devil may be overstepping some sort of boundary, but hey, i’m sure Brendon was also an inspiration for a lot more people than Lyn-Z has, and yet we have all noticed that Brendon is a piece of shit. 

i can understand it may be jarring for the people who have supported MSI and hadn’t known a thing about the controversy revolving around them. it’s not like you can just drop music that was a part of you for a long time. sure. but at least, don’t get so blindly defensive when the frontman had engaged in pedophilic acts, when they deliberately used racial slurs in many of their songs, and a lot more concerning Lyn-Z herself. please acknowledge these misbehaviors; it’s important. 

one more thing; we should make Lyn-Z’s dream of dissociating herself from Gerard come true. this has nothing to do with Gerard. leave the poor guy alone. it really doesn’t matter whether or not they’re together, or if they’re meant to be, if it’s fair, whatever. Lyn-Z’s her own person, who has done terrible things. NOTHING to do with who she married. we know nothing about what goes on between Gerard, Lyn-Z and Bandit.

she may be an abusive mother and spiteful wife, but she may also be a caring wife and a nurturing mother. who the fuck knows. they’re still together, clearly, something works between them. 

i hope this can get some attention, if only to educate people. the whole point is not to plan a witch hunt, but just to let you know that you should always leave a dubious space between you and your idol. it’s really important to correct misbehaviors of the people who have high potential of influence (big social media platform, a young fanbase, avid followers etc). 

this is merely my opinion. if there’s something you want to add, or to discuss, or to rebuke, feel free to message me or leave a comment or however the hell Tumblr works. and stay civil! name calling is pointless!

take care! 

[cyaneyesullivan]

im writing a gabekey dark academia fic if ur interested in that :p

i totally am tho, holy shit, tell me about it (or should i anticipate it with the patience of a hot potato)

[cyaneyesullivan]

disparate thoughts...

one of my many guilty pleasures is gabe/mikey, some gabekey works are ones of my absolute favorite in the whole universe of fandoms, but the content is so sparse, i want to cry

i'm thinking of contributing to the tiny, tiny community, but i'm still busy with petekey

honestly i love reading and writing so much and it kills me when i find myself hating everything i come to write, especially when i've poured blood, sweat and triple the amount of tears into a 32k words wip only to delete it all and start over just because i can't stand the sight of it anymore... maybe it's the novelty wearing off, maybe it stopped appealing to me, idk, but either way, it makes me extremely sad

i also have some frank/mikey works i abandoned, again, after reaching 10 to 20k words, oh gOd just thinking about it tears me apart

i'll get myself out of this rut, eventually, idk how or when but i will

hope everyone is doing well with their inspirations!