#even if i believe we should all stand with him

[clockwayswrites]

City Pigeons Bleed Green - Part 24

masterpost

“We should make H— Jason spend some time in here,” Danny said. He was good with the rest of the name now, but he still struggled with with Jason. He was trying. “He could use the reason to relax.”

“I do not believe that Todd is capable of relaxing,” Damian said with a little frown and Danny was pretty sure meant Damian was uncertain, but other people tended to think that it meant Damian was judging them.

“Sure he can. He makes a great pillow too,” Danny said. He leaned over and bumped his shoulders against Damian’s. “Totally bet if you just just sat down and leaned against him, he wouldn’t do anything.”

“Tch.”

“Okay, sure, half of that would be because he’d be too shocked, but really. He’s secretly a cuddler but, like, in a totally different way than Dick. Jason is more like Cass is.”

Damian’s brows were knitted together, but he gave a considering little nod at that.

Danny was glad that Damian went through the door to the hall first. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, exactly, but being out of the apartment now felt wrong and bad and… scary. Danny knew that had delayed them taking him to the Manor and was making some of them anxious, but Danny just couldn’t… it was hard to shake, even if everywhere they went had been safe.

“How were the kittens, Dandelion?” Jason asked. He was leaning against one wall and Lacey stood next to him, looking at something on her phone.

“Pointy,” Danny said with a little smile, “and very cute.”

“We are going to go see the dogs now instead,” Damian said.

“Okay,” Lacey said with a smile. “Your brother and I were talking about what might work for you. I think we have a few options, but I actually have someone in mind for you to meet first of the bunch. She might not work at all but… I have a hunch.”

“As ludicrous as it sounds, Ms. Lacey’s hunches do often play out,” Damian said. “Which dog are we going to see?”

“You haven’t met her yet. She just came here from another shelter because the last one didn’t have the space for her. Before that she was out in the suburbs where she had been adopted, but she kept trying to herd all the other animals and children. They got her from a shelter where she had been surrendered by her owners because they moved to a new apartment that wouldn’t let a dog like her in.”

Danny frown grew as Lacey talked. “Oh, wow… she’s been through a lot of homes, hasn’t she?”

“She has, and it’s really not her fault. She’s only a year and a half old, so she’s still a bit of a puppy and will need training, but she’s a real sweetheart and I think she just needs the right person to love her back.” Lacey paused in front of a door and opened it to some sort of waiting room. “Now, she is a large dog, so I’ll keep her on a harness when I bring him in and you let me know when you’re comfortable for her to come close, okay?”

“Okay,” Danny agreed. He knew he had told Damian not small, but he was suddenly a little concerned by how large was large.

Jason must have been able to tell, because he led Danny over to the small couch to sit down with him while Damian scooted the chair he chose closer to Danny’s open side.

Very, was the answer to how large was large a few minutes later when Lacey brought in a huge dog. The bright red harness barely visible through the mass of black fur that seemed to stand straight out from the dog in a massive mane.

“Okay, come on girl, down,” Lacey said, drawing out the words.

When the large, deep black eyes turned to her, she pointed purposefully at the ground. The dog huffed and settled on the floor looking like some avant guard throw pillow. She snuffed curiously at the group and shuffled forward a few inches on her belly before peering up at Lacey to see if she was noticed.

“Stay. Like I said, still a puppy,” Lacey said fondly.

“What breeds do we suspect she is?” Damian asked.

“She’s definitely a large part chow,” Lacey answered. “She has the black mouth and everything. We’re guessing black lab maybe as some of the rest or some other sporting dog. From those breeds, and her behavior so far, she’s going to be loyal and protective. She will need to be exercised as specially at this age she’ll have a lot of energy, but I know you have the yard to let her run. Fetch or retrieval games will be great stimulation for her and walks can probably be kept pretty short, but I know that Damian could help you train her. Do you want to come over here and let her smell your hand? Or we could just let her settle in and wander the room.”

“I’ll, um…” Danny trailed off as he moved to sit down on the ground at Jason’s feet. He leaned forward and offered his hand, stretching out as far as he could.

The mass of fluff crept forward a few inches, then a few more, and the last few to where she was close enough to sniff at Danny’s hand. The curly tail started to wag before the dog gave Danny’s hand a lick.

A small smile lit up Danny’s face. “Oh, you’re just a big fluffy sweetheart, aren’t you?”

“She really is. She gives me the biggest puppy dog eyes every time someone passes her and doesn’t give her attention. She really wants nothing more than to be with people or other pets and part of a family,” Lacey said.

Danny watched the dog snuff at Danny’s hand before he decided that it was probably okay to move forward a little more so that he could pet the dog. His fingers sank into the thick black fur and the curly tail started to wag.

“She’s kinda like a big teddy bear,” Danny said, completely missing the look that Damian and Jason exchanged behind his back at that statement.

“Chows are like that.,” Lacey agreed. “They get a bad rep because they can be really protective of their owners, so if she’s the dog you go with, you will need to work on socializing her. Taking her to the dog park or things like that would be a good step.”

“It will help that there is such a large amount of family and acquaintances coming and going from the manor,” Damian added. “But if she is the dog that will be yours, we can easily set up a plan for socialization.”

“I, um, I’ve never adopted a pet before. How do I know if she’s the right one?” Danny asked.

“Seeing if you get a long is a good start. With a big dog like her, I think you should walk him a little and play some. We can try some tricks too and see how she listens to you,” Lacey said. “We have a two week trial window where if you think she’s the right dog, she’ll go home with you and you can see how it all works out. If it doesn’t, she comes back here no issues.”

Danny took in a calming breath and let it out. “Okay, let’s see how it goes.”

The dog was a lot. There was no doubt about that what with her size, but she did seem very eager to listen. She apparently walked very well with Danny, even if that was almost sandwiched up against Danny’s side between him and the road. It reminded him of how Jason always walked, as if guarding Danny from the world.

There back at the shelter now. Danny buried his fingers in the dog’s thick fur, ruffling it idly.

“What do you guys think?” he asked his brothers.

“I think that she will be a loyal dog for you,” Damian said, “and that training her may also be beneficial for you.”

“That,” Jason said, “and that she likes you already just like you like her already. I think the only real question is what’s her name going to be?”

Danny looked down at the almost bottomless seeming brown eyes that were staring adoringly back up at him. “Ursa. Her name’s Ursa.”

-

Ursa took to the Manor immediately— or at least took next to being by Danny’s side in the manor. His bed seemed much smaller with her laying next to him, but he had a feeling it he woke up that night with a nightmare that it wouldn’t last long.

His fingers tightened in her mane as he took a breath and hit send on the text message to Babs.

Her name is Jasmine Fenton.

[buckevantommy]

What about all of this is real? We are.

This is not how they end. 

It hasn’t even been a week but it feels like a fucking eternity. It’s not the first time Buck’s been dumped, not the first time someone has walked out on him when he wanted more, but it’s the worst heartache he’s ever felt and he knows– he knows it’s because this isn’t how things are supposed to go for them. 

He’s done feeling sorry for himself. He’s not giving up on Tommy, on what they have together. 

And he doesn’t think Tommy is done with them, either. 

* 

The drive to Tommy’s house isn’t fast but it passes in a blur; between the peak hour traffic and usual gridlock he has plenty of time to ruminate on everything he wants to say, and all the arguments Tommy can throw at him and all the ways Buck can rebut them. 

Pulling into the drive, he doesn’t notice the unfamiliar car parked next to Tommy’s truck. He’s walking up the front path and knocking with insistent force before he even registers leaving the jeep. He’s on a mission. 

Soon as the door opens Buck is barging his way inside. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me or how I feel!” 

With a resigned, if somewhat bitchy sigh, Tommy mutters, “Come on in,” and closes the door behind him. 

“I know how I feel about you and it isn’t some passing infatuation, Tommy– I love you!” He goes harder than he means to, and heavier on the blame, but he thinks he gets the main points across. 

Tommy stares at him for a moment, not saying anything. Buck starts getting restless again. If Tommy has nothing to say to that then Buck has plenty more. He gears up to lay the rest of his cards on the table–

When someone clears their throat behind him. 

Buck whips around to find a strange man standing in Tommy’s living room, beer bottle in hand. 

“Oh.” A pang of something ugly lances through Buck’s heart. “Guess you moved on faster than I did,” he mutters darkly.

The mystery man cracks a humorless laugh. “Not fucking likely.” 

Buck doesn’t know what to do with that.

“Sal Deluca,” the man says, stepping forward and extending his hand. Buck takes it, incandescent jealousy and the throbbing heartache that’s made breathing difficult all week making way for a numb sort of recognition. He’s heard mentions of Sal, and the face clicks with some old photos he’s seen in Tommy’s photo albums; because Tommy’s old school like that and has printed photos in physical albums people can flip through. Sal is an old friend of his who moved away years ago. “Worked with this lug back at the 118,” he says. “And we are not boning or romancin’ each other.” 

Buck catches Tommy rolling his eyes. 

“In fact, I’m in town for the first time in almost a year and what do I find? This idiot throwing away the best thing that’s ever happened to him.” 

“Sal.” 

Sal ignores Tommy’s warning tone, trains his eyes on Buck, his voice pitched low and sincere. “I don’t even know you, but I know that much.” 

He leaves with a clap to Tommy’s shoulder and something muttered that sounds like, “Don’t screw this up again,” and then he’s out the door. 

“You should go,” Tommy says quietly, when it’s just the two of them standing there, too far apart.

Now that Buck gets a better look at him, Tommy looks tired. Ragged. Like he hasn’t slept in a week. Buck can relate. “No.”

“Buck–”

“Don’t you dare.” He tries sounding fierce but it just comes out broken. He’s never been ‘Buck’ to Tommy and he sure as hell doesn’t wanna start now. That name means they’re over, and he’s not letting that happen without a fight. “I said, I love you.”

“I heard you.”

“And, what? You don’t believe me? Or you think I’m too dumb to know when I’m in love with someone?”

“I never said that–”

“I’ve been in love before, Tommy– more than once. And just because they were women and you’re the first guy I fell for doesn’t make what I feel any less real!” 

“But it doesn’t mean it’s going to last.”

He sounds tired, too. Like maybe he’s been up all night every night thinking about them. Maybe he leaned on Sal like Buck’s been leaning on Eddie; a good friend who lets you pour your heart out until there’s nothing left but a hollow ache in your chest, drained eyes and confusion. 

But the worst part is how resigned he seems, like it’s over and there’s nothing to be done about it. There’s a lot Tommy hasn’t thought through properly. 

“I may be new to being bisexual, but that doesn’t mean my heart is new. And frankly, it’s pretty insulting of you to assume I don’t know what I’m feeling, or how I’ll feel months or years from now.” 

That seems to land like a blow, Tommy’s already creased brow pinching as he looks away. “You don’t have experience with men–” 

And that fucking does it. “I’m not a kid, Tommy! I don’t need you to tell me what I need! And I’m not any of those guys who hurt you– doesn’t matter if they were gay, or bi, or whatever!” Buck wants to yell at him some more: call him a coward, an asshole for predicting the worst in people.  

Tommy shakes his head. He still doesn’t look at Buck.

“You don’t get to just end this because you’re scared. That’s not how this works– we’re supposed to talk about it.” It’s been a constant in their relationship: talking things through. It’s the first relationship Buck’s had with such an open and honest line of communication, and there’s no way he could go back to anything else. 

Tommy looks up, then, and meets Buck’s gaze. His eyes are watery and his words come out choked. “I don’t want to end this.” 

“Then don’t,” Buck pleads, daring to close a bit of the distance between them. 

Tommy pulls back. Not far, and not much with his feet, more with his shoulders, but it’s enough to make Buck’s heart sink. 

Because Tommy is denying himself – like that night before he first kissed Buck and changed his life for the better; he was so hesitant to believe that he was part of their team, too – he’s not letting himself have something good because he doesn’t think he deserves it, doesn’t think it’s real. “We’re not too good to be true.”

“What?” 

“You said that, about the parking space,” Buck recalls. He’s run the conversation over in his head a thousand times since that night.

“That’s.. not what I meant.” Tommy seems less convinced by his own words, now. 

“Every other relationship I’ve had has fallen apart because I didn’t see the end coming,” Buck admits. “Because we weren’t compatible. And part of me was worried with you, at first, because I’d always been the one who ends up alone.” It’s painful to think about, to think Tommy could be just another in a long line of people Buck wore his heart on his sleeve for but who didn’t want him as much in return. “But you kept proving to me over, and over that you were there for me, and you wanted me around, and you didn’t think I was too much.” Buck has to swallow around the desperate rasp coming through in his voice now. He blinks to keep his vision clear.

There’s something there, then: a look on Tommy’s face telling him plainly that he could never be too much for him, that that’s not what this about. And there’s something else familiar, too: fear. The same glimpse of fear Buck saw that night before Tommy walked out on him. The same kind of fear Buck’s seen in the mirror his whole life. 

Tommy’s afraid they won’t last. 

Tommy’s afraid he’s not enough. 

“Please don’t think like that,” Buck pleads again. “Like there’s an expiration date for us.” 

“I can’t help it.”

“Yes, you can!” Buck erupts again, frustrated with how willing Tommy is to just roll over and let their relationship die. “Just believe in us! Tell me what I have to do to get you to believe how serious I am about you– how much I care about you, and see you for who you are, and want all of you for as long as possible.” 

Tommy shakes his head, eyes downcast, and Buck can’t take it anymore– he closes the remaining distance between them. Stands toe to toe with Tommy, proximity alone silently demanding he listen to what he has to say.

“Hey,” he says softly, but with that same dogged determination that’s been distilled over the years into something less reckless and more mindful. He curls a finger under Tommy’s chin, gently nudging it up until he looks at him. 

There’s armor in place, but Tommy’s peeking through. And he hasn’t moved away. He hasn’t given up, not completely. He needs Buck to fight for them, to know they’re worth fighting for. Maybe then he’ll finally believe they can make it.

“I love you. I’ve been searching my whole life for a love like this, so don’t tell me this isn’t real– I know how I feel,” Buck insists, then calms. “And I think you feel the same.” 

“Evan–”

“You don’t get to end this because you’re scared. That’s not how this works. And I’m not giving up on us. So you can fight me, or you can fight for us.” 

Tommy exhales a shaky breath, averting his eyes again. Buck can see the tears making them wet, tracking down his cheeks as he ducks his head. He can hear them in the way Tommy’s voice wavers. “You think too highly of me, kid.” It’s not a jab, the name. Tommy’s protecting his vulnerable underbelly. 

“Do you trust me?” 

Tommy takes a beat. “I want to,” he confesses, quiet in the small space where their bodies don’t touch, could touch but not yet; he’s holding his breath. 

Buck braces himself. “Do you love me?” It’s a simple question, one he’s pretty sure he knows the answer to. But those few seconds before Tommy speaks are nerve wracking as hell and long enough for a thread of doubt to try to weave its way back into his mind – the same doubt he’d finally quashed before he jumped in his jeep and drove across town: what if he read this all wrong? What if Tommy doesn’t actually love him? His own breath catches painfully in his lungs; he’s on a precipice, heart balanced for a freefall that could see him plummet to the ground, or.. or spread wings, and.. fly. 

Tommy lifts his head, his beautiful eyes rimmed red and making his irises that much bluer by contrast. “Evan, I’m so in love with you,” he breathes out; a sigh of anguish, like truth and painful honesty, airing grievance out into the world so that it might ease the weight sitting on his chest, the kind that makes it hard to breath, hard to exist. “You’ll be the death of me, kid.” 

It’s not the first time he’s said that, although the other times were under very different circumstances. But it was always playful, and Buck can see the words for what they are now: a defense mechanism. Buck’s heart aches for him, but Tommy’s admission also sets something aglow in his own chest, something warm and pure and precious. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he promises. 

“You don’t know that.” 

“I do know it. We’ve both been hurt before– but we don’t need to hurt each other. And, I get it– you were trying to protect yourself when you walked out on me that night.”

Tommy moves to turn away, ends up just shuffling in place. He still wants to be close to Buck. 

“Why can’t we just try? ‘Cause if you think you’re the only one who’d be heartbroken if this doesn’t work out, you’re wrong.” He’s realized some things this past week: he doesn’t adhere to whatever bullshit stereotype there is about men who are bi or people who come to terms with their queerness later in life – he doesn’t need to play the field or experiment or whatever crap Tommy tried to pass off as reason enough to justify his fears. He also realized that he loves Tommy – more than he’s ever loved anyone, more than he thought was possible to love someone but maybe always secretly hoped was in his future, even when that dark voice in his head tried to convince him no one would ever love him as much. 

But Tommy does. Tommy loves him so much the thought of Buck breaking up with him scared him into ending things before he could get his own heart broken. But what he feels for Tommy isn’t some kind of puppy love or something he’ll grow out of or get bored of; it’s real, and Tommy thinking he’s not enough, that he’s not forever-kind-of-love material doesn’t dissuade Buck any; he’s intimately familiar with issues of self worth.

Whatever insecurities Tommy has about being someone’s last love doesn’t apply to Buck. “You’re enough, for me. You’re everything, actually. Everything I ever wanted and more I didn’t know I could want.” 

A heavy moment passes between them where Buck sees his words sink in. They seem to weigh Tommy down, even more. 

He wants so badly to reach out, to speak the words into his mouth, press them into his skin until Tommy can’t deny how real they are because he’ll feel them with every breath, every movement.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Tommy admits, voice soft and more vulnerable than Buck’s ever heard it. “I can’t lose you, Evan. If you ask me to try, and then–” he cuts himself off, shakes the thought away, tries to barricade himself back behind his armor. 

Maybe Buck can’t fully understand Tommy’s fear because he hasn’t experienced what he has, but he knows what it’s like to try and fail, to love and be left. But the two of them are on the same page this time – for everything that matters – not reading from separate books like Buck and all of his exes. “Did I ever tell you about Thomas and Mitchell?” 

“Um, no. I don’t think so. Friends of yours?” Buck can see Tommy’s still raw, still hiding, but he goes along with it, gives him the opening, like he’s always done.

“No, they uh.” Buck swallows, the memory still affects him even all these years later. “They were an elderly gay couple I met on a call a few years back. Well, I met Thomas. Sat with him after he watched his husband die.” 

Tommy tries to look unimpressed with having to listen to a sad story – he’s more of a romcom guy; lighthearted storylines and happy endings, Buck knows – but his face crumples a bit in sympathy. 

“He said, Mitchell was his heart, and that they wanted to go together. I could see how heartbroken he was, and the thought of loving someone like that and then losing them? I couldn’t imagine what that must be like.” 

Tommy doesn’t say it but Buck can almost hear his gently snarky tone: we’re not dead, Evan. He can see the words held back behind the purse of Tommy’s lips. 

“I told him I hoped to find a love like that some day. And he told me something I’ve carried with me ever since.” Tommy searches his face, and Buck feels the truth of Old Thomas’ words in this moment. “He said: you don’t find it, you make it.” 

Tommy blinks. “Are you saying you want to grow old with me?”

Buck can’t help his smile; it’s the first real one he’s had because of Tommy all week– one not tinged in pain and regret. There’s the Tommy he knows and loves. “I’m saying, I want to make it with you. Because these past six months have been the best of my life, Tommy. And I realized it’s because I found you– my person– and I want to make a future with you.” 

And there’s that tentative smile – the same one Tommy wore on their makeup coffee date all those months ago when he gave Buck a second chance. 

They deserve a second chance, now. They deserve to try. 

“I can’t move in with you,” Tommy settles on, and it sounds like a but, like: I can’t move in with you, but I want to be with you. 

Buck shakes his head before Tommy even finishes. “That’s okay, we don’t have to live together.” He knows the unspoken yet doesn’t go unnoticed for the way Tommy’s narrowed eyes assess him. There’s no use hiding it. “I do want to live with you, some day. I want to build a life with you. But, we can take it slow.”

“I don’t think ‘slow’ is in your repertoire.” It’s a joke. Tommy’s smile is less fragile, his armor lowered. 

Buck smiles again, hopeful; Tommy’s coming out of hiding. 

He reaches out, fingertips grazing Tommy’s, his movements unhurried. Tommy lets him tangle their fingers together. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Tommy says, “Okay.” 

Buck’s falling, diving, soaring. And he’s not alone. “Would a kiss be out of the question right now?” 

That crinkly smile that Buck loves so much finally makes its return, creasing around Tommy’s eyes like rays of sunshine. He didn’t realize just how much he missed the sight of Tommy’s joy until he’s faced with it head on, bright and gorgeous. He feels nourished in its presence, especially knowing he’s the cause of it. He thinks it’s okay to be a little proud of that. 

Tommy kisses him. Oh– this.. he’s missed this: the press of Tommy’s lips on his, his stubble scraping against Buck’s skin– catching on Buck’s own scruff. He slides a hand up Tommy’s chest, feeling the warm, toned bulk of him. Hooks his fingers around Tommy’s neck to pull him in more, bring their bodies flush, slip his tongue into Tommy’s mouth and get a proper taste of him.

One of Tommy’s large hands fits tentatively to Buck’s hip, one last show of hesitance. Buck disentangles their fingers and covers both of Tommy’s hands, moving them to rest heavier, grip him firmly, with no room for uncertainty.

“No more running away,” Buck murmurs, nose brushing alongside Tommy’s. He feels more than sees Tommy shake his head.

“No more running,” he agrees, following with another lingering kiss that’s begging to be deepened.

Buck breaks it to add: “We’re in this together.” 

Tommy nods. “I’m with you.”

It’s not how he thought their first love confessions would go, but they’ll be stronger for it, he knows that much. And he knows Tommy loves him. And Tommy knows Buck loves him in return. And that’s a pretty good starting place for a second chance. 

[derpygirl-draws]

You know what? I will not be be quiet.

^(just an example of what I am talking about) I wish I could live everyday not having to worry and not having to listen to the people I love panicking or just saying “Welp guess we are fucked”. But because so many people believed in this asshole and voted for him, I have to fear for the lives of people, REAL PEOPLE, some of whom not so long ago did not have any rights or freedoms as much as the average American. THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE, PEOPLE’S LIVES ARE AT STAKE. Not just their mortality but their basic right to happiness. THEIR RIGHT AS PEOPLE TO LIVE HOW THEY PLEASE IN THE PUBLIC EYE AND TO FEEL PROUD OF WHO THEY ARE.

I’ve heard people call other’s dramatic.

Those who think the reaction of minorities is dramatic do not know the fear of being deemed less important to the world. I don’t even fully know what that’s like and I don’t want to know. I don’t want anyone to know what it’s like for the world to turn their back on them. It’s a very real feeling that I wouldn’t wish on anyone! I WANT TO SEE THE PEOPLE I LOVE BEING HAPPY. I WANT TO SEE THE WORLD HAPPY. But that’s too much to ask, isn’t it?

I may not fully understand the struggles of every minority. I’ve been fortunate enough to have lived a childhood where discrimination against any part of me has been minimal.

I am a person who was born as female and identifies as female. I am a person of color. I am queer. I am neurodivergent. The majority of my peers and friends are minorities. And I care very deeply about all of them. I don’t hate many things in the world. I believe hate only fosters bitterness. But I will not hide the fact that I HATE seeing the people I care about, no matter how little I know them or how distant the relationship, hurting. I HATE knowing that I can’t immediately take their pain away and tell them not to worry.

Cause who am I to say you or the people around you shouldn’t worry? Who am I to promise it’ll be okay? Who am I to wish for a better world when it feels like the cards are constantly stacked against us.

Who is anyone to call someone else dramatic for fearing the future? When this is the world we live in.

I want to say my peace on the matter cause I feel it would be doing my loved ones a disservice to keep my voice left unheard. To bottle up your thoughts is the give in to the fear.

TELL THE WORLD HOW YOU FEEL. TELL THE WORLD AND SOMEONE WILL COME TO LISTEN. You are not dramatic for being scared. But do not suffer alone. There is always someone who will listen. Always someone who feels the same. Always someone who will appreciate knowing they aren’t alone and that you are with them.

And for those who don’t care or don’t believe this is a big deal, I will not beg. I will not ask. I will tell you to educate yourself and learn about reality we’ve been thrusted into. And if anything, how this affects you too. Cause otherwise there is nothing I can do for you and nothing I will do because there are others I know who appreciate and acknowledge what I have to say. There are others who will stand with me. There are people I want to stand with because they are people that believe and care about me and the millions of people who will be affected by the choices and ignorance of others.

I stand with open arms to those who need it. Who needs support. I will not say please stand with me. I will say I am here and I will stay here and be here no matter what and if you choose to stand with me, that’s your choice.

I will not beg for the freedom to exist and neither should you.

[alexanderwales]

I finished rewatching Death Note. I always forget how short anime is, with episodes that aren't much more than 20 minutes when you skip the intro/outro.

I hadn't remembered how much of a sniveling wreck LIght was at the end of the show. There's something about the ending that makes it feel like it was written and directed by a different person, not that Light wasn't always a little weird and pathetic, and not that the show didn't consistently go out of its way to let us know what a piece of shit he was (particularly his absolute lack of loyalty or empathy to anyone, even aside from the megalomania). But he takes the loss like a loser, snot dripping from his nose, voice cracking, begging, and it's so pathetic that I almost felt a little sorry for him.

I've always found the Death Note to be a very interesting prompt, one of those hooks that's so good I'd want to watch it even if it was bad. But in writing something like Death Note, the author has to make decisions about what to show and what not to show, and also make decisions about how they're going to portray the public at large.

There are two big things that stand out for me.

One is that we never get someone arguing against Kira. We get people who are actively trying to hunt him down, but they're mostly not stopping to say "this is why what he's doing is wrong" except a few lines about how he has a childish sense of justice, which is never expounded upon. Kira, on the other hand, we hear a lot from, not just the megalomaniac stuff, but the notion that criminals must be punished, that this is what people desire in their hearts. I get the strong sense that L does not actually care and just views this as an interesting puzzle for him to solve, but for everyone else it's largely left as an exercise to the viewer, and even then, there are moments when some of our task force members come dangerously close to endorsement.

To the extent the show has an answer, it's that (to quote Kanye West) no one man should have all that power, or that Kira has crossed a lot of lines, but no one argues in favor of rehabilitation or clemency or just fundamental humanity. Kira seems to largely be killing prisoners, who have already been sentenced, and are wards of the state, and he says "this is what people want deep down, they will give you the politically correct answer but they actually want the criminal class to be obliterate", which ... there's no character who actually voices any opposition to through the whole series. And I find that weird, because yes, the show has its own answers in terms of how it plays out, but in a show filled with people possessed of immense conviction, most of the people in opposition to Kira are just intellectuals who don't actually give a shit about the ideological question.

(The one big moment when it comes to a head, IMO, is when Soichiro Yagami refuses to write Mello's name entirely because of his principled objection to killing someone. I thought this was great, and I wish the show had more of it.)

The other big thing is that we don't really get a viewpoint of the criminals, with a few exceptions. One is the is Yotsuba group, who are killing people with the Death Note, and the second is the (somehow still functional) mafia that Mello hangs out with. There's also one other scene somewhere after L's death where we see a criminal begging with the police not to have his name written down, and that's about it.

The naive view here is that the show really does believe in Criminals as being a part The Other, a different sort of human being who walk among us. The criminal class are described as rotten and evil, they're shown as grotesque and with exaggerated features or bestial characteristics, and they're generally leering and impulsive. There is no consideration of their humanity.

There's a more nuanced take here, which is that we have a criminal as one of our main cast, Light Yagami, along with everyone else who takes on the Kira mantle. So what is the show saying about criminality through how it portrays them? And here ... I don't know. I kind of don't think that it views them as criminals in the same way? When we look at the ways that Light kills, I genuinely do think that the show thinks that this is different from the way that a capital-C Criminals kill. It's reactionary rather than criminal in and of itself, a response to the injustices of the world rather than being in the same class as those injustices. Light is narratively exempted, and Misa is to. Which isn't to say that I think the show thinks highly of Light, it clearly doesn't, especially in its ending, but I almost think that in the end it Others him too (and also has Teru Mikami drawn in particularly 'evil' style, like a creepy deviant gremlin).

So I enjoyed the rewatch, but there are things that sit a little oddly with me as far as the central themes go. There's probably some discourse I should read that's come out since I first watched it in ... 2010 or whenever, but I think I'll give that a skip.

[everythingisromant1c]

p2: three reasons why you can't stand co-star!james potter

co-star!james potter x actress!reader

summary: you were finding the first days of shooting your new TV show to be absolutely amazing, aside from the fact that you absolutely could not stand your co-star James Potter. unfortunately for you, you spent enough time around him to narrow down his most irritating qualities to only three:

a/n: hey so this took waayyy longer than i would've hoped to release, but i promise this series is not going anywhere, so tysm for all the loveee and all ur guys' patience <33

also pls pls pls feel free to send in prompt requests for this series i am so all ears

full series: Trouble in Hollywood - masterlist

1. He was insufferably good at his job

You wished you could say working with James Potter was such a challenge because he was simply bad at his job. But the thing was: he wasn't. It turned out he was really the impeccably good actor that your director Minerva seemed to swear he was, as if the talent truly was seeping through his veins. Somehow, that only made working with him more frustrating to you.

"Aaron, you've got to believe me."

James had come to you during the middle of hair and makeup and asked you to rehearse lines with him even before official rehearsals for the day's shooting began, saying it would make him feel more prepared. And, as much as you hated it, you felt the same. Your only regret was thinking you'd be able to stand him and his arrogance before seven in the morning.

"Why should I, Cassidy?"

The brunette responded to you fully in character, leaning back against a nearby vanity with his long legs crossed in front of him as you sat in your cushioned chair. He apparently got out of hair and makeup in under a matter of minutes, looking effortlessly put together with his curls hanging perfectly over his forehead—you didn't have the same luck. Your lovely makeup artist Mary seemed to be unbothered by the interruptions, continuing on with your makeup as you rehearsed your lines, though you caught her amused smile every once in a while from her reflection in the mirror.

"Because..." you began, trying to stay in character as your brain scrambled for your next line.

"You're supposed to say," cut in James, "'-because we can only trust each other right now.'"

"Please stop telling me my lines, James." You repeated the irritated request you'd uttered all morning to him as you put a tired hand to the bridge of your nose, one that Mary moved away hurriedly.

"Watch your makeup," she pleaded with a powder-filled brush to your nose , and you winced apologetically.

"Did you just want me to stand here and wait for you to remember them?" James's voice poked at you irritatingly as you stared up at him from your seat.

"Yes, that's exactly what I want." You fought from rolling your eyes. "You could at least give me a second. I didn't even ask for my line."

He raised his brows with an acquiescent sigh. "Whatever the lady wants."

Ignoring him, a skill you were growing like a muscle, you cleared your throat in focus, trying not to move too much as Mary blended some product on your neck. "Because we can only trust each other right now."

James quickly jumped back into character, right on time. "That didn't mean anything to you the other night."

"I already told you I'm sorry for that. When I heard all the rumors, I ..." you cursed at yourself as your mind drew another painful, embarrassing blank.

"-I didn't know what to think." James looked anything but guilty as his voice met your ears once again, finishing your line for you without fail.

"James!" You glared at him, doing your best to stay out in your chair and not storm out of the trailer he'd so brazenly infiltrated. You shook your head to yourself through your reflection in the brightly lit mirrors . "You're impossible."

James shrugged innocently. "I don't get why you're mad at me for trying to help."

"I'm not."

He scoffed, putting a dramatic hand to his chest. "So is this what you look like when you're happy with me?" The corner of his aggravating lips lifted along with his shoulder in a small shrug, before turning away again. "Isn't very much like how I've pictured it."

You didn't miss the way Mary let out a small breath of laughter from her nose as she switched over to doting on your hair. You gritted your teeth.

"I mean, I'm not mad at you for helping. I'm mad at you because you're annoying."

He crossed his arms defensively, his lips still quirked up, and you fought against the urge within you that had your eyes following the movement of his biceps. "I'm annoying?"

The feigned disbelief in his voice snapped your back to your right mind.

"Yes," you answered plainly. "You and your posh accent."

Maybe you'd stopped making sense, but it was too early for you to care. James was watching your meltdown with what you could only identify as merriment, his unfortunately unignorable presence taking up too much space in the cramped makeup trailer.

Thankfully choosing to ignore the part about his accent, he put up his hands innocently. "Last time I checked, I wasn't the one who keeps forgetting their lines."

"We just got the updated script for this episode last night." You shifted in your chair to face him, and you heard Mary wince from behind you, probably getting fed up with how much you were moving around, though you were too annoyed to stop yourself. "How the hell are you already off-book?"

James shrugged smugly, shoving his hands in his pockets as he leaned forward. You squinted your eyes at him. "An actor never reveals his secrets, love."

You twisted your mouth in disgust at his words—because you definitely felt something as he said them, whether it was disgust or not you didn't want to think about—and probably only made him more satisfied. "Mary," you groaned, looking at her through the mirror in front of you. "I think I'm going to be sick."

She shook her head and gave your reflection a sharp look back. "Not in that freshly ironed shirt you're not."

You sighed, settling back into your chair and sparing another glance at the man to your right. He tipped his head at you, almost tauntingly, and you felt your jaw tighten. It was going to be a long day.

2. Everyone else seemed to love him

You'd been going about your Thursday innocently, filming scenes when called upon—finally having memorized all your lines properly—and somehow getting through the morning without any irritating interactions with your least favorite person on set at the moment. That good feeling, of course, could only last so long.

"What's this?"

Minerva, your director, had been walking around set with you until you both stopped at the sight of a crowd forming outside one of the sets. You followed her, making your way through the crowd of your fellow actors and crew members until you were met with a nauseating sight: James Potter.

At the sight of your director, his already proud smile grew to a beaming one, almost blinding, as he greeted her. "We've all been really busy with this week's filming schedule, Minnie, and you mentioned what a hassle it's been ordering enough food for everyone every day with our budget, so I pulled some strings and got my family's chef to cater our lunch."

Your jaw slacked as he nodded his head to his left, where a number of tables were set up with what looked like pizza ingredients, a moustached-man in a chef hat standing behind the scene proudly. You couldn't believe your eyes. Apparently, neither could the woman next to you.

"Oh my- James this is ... amazing!" Minerva—or Minnie, as James somehow had grown accustomed to calling her—turned to your co-star, expression as bright and beaming as James's crowd-pleasing smile was. "But you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble-"

"It was no trouble at all. Francis was more than happy to help."

He waved a hand at the chef, who you assumed was the 'Francis' in question, who nodded back at him happily with a pizza cutter in his hand. It was like something out of a movie, the way everyone clapped for James who stood at the front of the crowd like the beloved man he was. You felt sick to your stomach.

"What's wrong? Do you not like the pizza?"

You'd taken your lunch shamefully, making sure to hide your amazement at the endless selection of pizza toppings that James had arranged at the build-your-own-pizza station, and were sitting with Remus, who you'd met at auditions for the show and luckily got casted in a role other than one that'd gone to James, and Sirius, another one of your co-stars who you'd quickly become friends with since you spent practically all your time on set nowadays.

You looked up at Remus briefly before returning your gaze to the pizza in front of you, the perfect slice underneath the sun seeming to taunt you. "No," you grumbled. "The pizza's amazing."

Sirius chuckled. "You'd think you'd be happy about that."

"I would, aside from the fact that it was Potter who brought it in."

The black-haired man tipped his head at you curiously. "What's your problem with James again?"

You shook your head forebodingly. "Don't tell me he's brainwashed you both with his hundred-dollar pizza too."

"I doubt the pizza's that much money." Remus bit into the slice in his hand, talking through the bite. "But it is pretty delicious."

"It is," Sirius nodded. "It was pretty nice of him to cover lunch for the day. If anything, you'd think you'd like him more for this."

You groaned. "He brought in his family's private chef, for God's sake. It's not like he rescued a cat from a tree or something."

Sirius and Remus shared a look as you spoke. You knew you sounded ridiculous, but you currently lacked enough dignity to care as yet another slice of pizza sat on your plate, ready to be eaten.

"James is actually a really nice lad," reasoned Sirius. "Take it from us. We kind of grew up with him."

That fact had yet to escape you as soon as you'd met the two of them. According to the stories they'd relayed to you, Remus's mum had been an on-set tutor to James growing up when he was acting in some movie, while Sirius's parents had been producers for some of James's parents' films. Safe to say, the three of them certainly left you feeling inexperienced in the world of acting.

"James should be the least of your worries," urged Remus. "He's harmless."

"If he's so harmless, then why has he gone out of his way to be a pain in my ass since I met him?"

Sirius snorted. "We said he's harmless, not that he's not an idiot sometimes."

"But," Remus added, "whatever James has done, just know that it always comes from a good place. The man doesn't have a mean bone in his body."

You sighed inwardly. The James Potter you knew seemed to be very different from the one that everyone else seemed to be familiar with, and it was driving you crazy.

3. He was an obnoxious flirt

When you said 'flirt', you not only meant that he flirted with you—unfortunately—but that he seemed to flirt with anyone in sight, whether he realized it or not. In fact, you'd been forced to watch as he smooth-talked one of the hairstylists on set for the past ten minutes.

You couldn't hear everything they were saying, thank god, but you were sure she was probably more charmed by the fact that his last name was Potter��than anything he could remotely come up with to win her over. You'd had enough conversations with him to know that the movie-star smiles he offered were enough to charm people before they realized just how insufferable he was.

After what felt like hours, he said something to the woman in parting and left her looking flushed and smiley as he strolled away. You sighed, happy to finally be rid of distractions, and looked back down at the script on your lap that you were trying to memorize but stopped almost immediately as you felt an unwelcome presence lingering from in front of you. You looked up and fought a groan.

James tipped his head at you innocently. "You wanted me?"

You tensed at his phrasing and did your best to go back to ignoring him as you focused back on your script. "I did not."

Not taking the hint, as usual, he stayed put, shoving his hands in his well-tailored pockets. "Well, you've been staring at me for the past ten minutes, so I just assumed you had something to say."

"Well, you assumed wrong." You gave him a tight-lipped smile from where you sat. "And I wasn't staring. I just miraculously found it hard to concentrate on memorizing lines when you were harassing that hairstylist right next to me."

He squinted at you quizzically before shaking his head, finding your banter more amusing than you probably were. "Admit it. You're obsessed with me."

You scoffed, blinking rapidly to truly portray your disbelief. "You wish. Reality is, Potter—I think I hate you."

James peered at you with a glint in his eye like he'd never heard anything more amusing, leaning back against the wall next to you. "You think?"

You shrugged tightly. "The jury hasn't come to a decision just yet." You thought back to the unfortunately delicious pizza he'd provided, and all the things that Remus and Sirius had said to you that stood in stark contrast to practically every other experience you'd had with him.

James grinned, finding teasing you the most entertaining part of his day, even on set for a TV show. "So I still have a chance?"

His eyes glistened and you reeled. "A chance to what? Did you not hear the 'hate' part?"

"Hate is a strong word, don't you think?"

You shook your head. "Strong, but appropriate."

"Ouch." He touched his hand to his chest in that dramatic way he always did, something you blamed on his actor roots. "Your words hurt, you know." You rolled your eyes, truly trying then to get back to memorizing your lines so James would have nothing over you during filming the next day, but he didn't seem to care. "Look, I get it. You said you hate me. But really, I don't think you do."

You sighed, setting your script aside as you looked up at him with finality. "And why is that, Potter?"

"Because," James began, and you didn't like the tease in his tone as he looked down at you. "A little birdie told me you had some say in whether or not they cast me in South Bay. And that you actually encouraged it."

Your lips parted, those words being the last ones you expected him to say after weeks had gone by since the chemistry read. You didn't know who'd ratted you out, but whoever did would be getting a stern talking to. Or a partially stern one, since they were more than likely your boss.

You shrugged weakly at him. "That ... that doesn't mean anything."

James's thick brow lifted effortlessly. "So you're not denying it?"

At his challenging look, you relented with a drop of your shoulders. "I'm not. It's true; I told Minerva I think they should choose you to play Aaron becuase you are good at your job, James. As much as it annoys me. I mean, you're clearly a great actor, you get all your lines memorized overnight, not to mention the entire crew is in love with you for some reason-"

"Oh, I see."

You paused, looking at the way James's slight grin turned into a shit-eating one. "What?"

He tipped his head at you tauntingly. "You're jealous."

You let out a laugh harsher than you meant it to be. "Please. There's nothing about you I could possibly waste my energy being jealous over."

The brunette tutted, and you hated the feeling it sent through you. "For such a great actress, you're not a very good liar."

You felt your breathing shallow for a moment, not knowing what to do with the compliment that flowed so easily from his lips like he hadn't given it a second thought. You pushed the thought aside, focusing on the insult part of his statement instead, and rolled your eyes.

"Look," James continued at your expression. "Jealous or not, we're going to have to work together on this show for God knows how many more months. Years even, if it gets renewed for a second season." The thought both filled you with excitement and dread as it came from James's lips. He looked down at you with an honest curiosity. "How much longer can you go on pretending to hate me?"

You noted that what he was saying was true, letting the words sit in your chest for a moment, but you also noted that you had more fun being petty. You tilted your chin up at him. "Funny that you think I'm pretending."

James put a hand on the table you were sitting at, leaning forward slightly and making you freeze up. "Funny that you're still not a good liar, love."

Your throat felt tight with something you wanted to again dismiss as disgust at both his proximity and the delicate word that fell from his lips. You let an unpleasant pinch form between your brows. "I thought I told you not to call me that."

James felt something warm, almost giddy, form in his chest, and it didn't matter that you looked like you were considering slapping him right then. He let the corner of his lips quirk up. "You're adorable when you're mad."

"Don't call me that either." You huffed, picking up your still un-memorized script and standing. "I'm going to my trailer."

James quirked a brow, following you with only his eyes. "Is that an invitation?"

You rolled your eyes, walking away and calling over your shoulder. "Absolutely not."

taglist:

@ilovejamespottersomuch @empath-bunny @santaasi @veysxrge @bitterspoons @ladyhestiaa @rorybear14

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

‘Beside the one you have waited for to be mated with…’.

I’m a huge champion of Stede and the power of his emotions. With that in mind, I feel it’s Stede’s emotional state and gender-nonconforming reactions which partly save his life in 109.

He tells Ed initially he will accept the firing squad, that the ‘bill has come due’. It’s a strange declaration because Stede certainly doesn’t deserve such punishment for leaving his family, and Stede also knows he didn’t mean to kill Nigel. But this is Stede’s self-loathing talking rather than a belief in natural justice.

It might also be an attempt at ‘correct’ masculinity. Stede’s initial speech contains overused tropes, things he believes he should say as a man waiting to die. After all, he doesn’t want to appear ‘weak-hearted’ or ‘lily-livered.’ We get noble platitudes of deserving this fate and facing the music: ‘It’s time, Ed.’ Never mind this is what a man’s work looks like; rather, this is what a man’s death looks like: silent, stoic, accepting. Plus big boys don’t cry.

And if Stede had stood silently and taken his execution, I’m not always sure Ed would’ve intervened despite his own heartbreak. I don’t think Ed (or Izzy) would’ve seen another sunrise, but I don’t feel Ed would’ve taken away Stede’s agency.

But then Stede declares he wants to live after all. This is major character growth. There is a ‘Do you want to live?’ through-line from the Pilot’s passively suicidal that’s-a-tough-question Stede, to 103 gut-stabbed Stede, appearing rather resigned to his fate whilst standing on the barrel, to this Stede whose position is very different and very clear.

We cut to Stede in a blindfold. He’s crying ‘I don’t wanna die’; and if you listen carefully, when it cuts to Ed, Stede cries out, ‘The bill hasn’t come due.’* Within minutes he is reneging on his previous words. Faced with death now, Stede’s instincts tell him he has something to stay alive for. And big boys do, in fact, cry - which might prove very powerful.

Meanwhile, other than the deserved punch, Ed seems oblivious to Izzy’s presence. Ed’s psychology is entirely tuned to Stede’s. And I feel it’s Stede’s uninhibited, emotional state, which pierces the workings of Ed’s mind in a way it’s never been before; and that causes Ed to find the answer, to shout, ‘Act of Grace.’

It’s a reciprocity, the neurology between lifemates. It’s primal, you can see it in Ed’s face: Stede lives in his synapses. Stede cries out; Ed finds a way to save him.

And it works both ways. When Ed is the one who needs saving, banging his hand like an SOS, Stede finds the words instinctively, nurtures Ed back from the brink. There’s a synchronicity in how they hold each other’s lives in their hands.

These events are even more compelling between men who were never loved properly by the people who should have done so in their childhoods. They cried out to indifference or worse then, and learned to be silent. They cry out now, and the other half of their soul finds a way to rearrange the stars.

It’s nature’s law. Connections between people who love are powerful.

*stede also says something else afterwards I can never make out - ‘I…?’

[clubsmarties]

"A lot of mishaps," he laughed, licking his lips after that small make out. The green apple aftertaste leaving traces on his lips. He would have thought she'd be a cherry type of girl but no even with chapstick she managed to surprise him. "M&M I call her that, she loves to be read stories. That's what we do every Friday night. It's why I only have that one class on Friday to make sure I've done my homework when I call her." He shrugged thinking by now he should be used to not having a home. He never had one before the Phillips scooped him up. "It's okay. I'm used to it. Maybe one day I'll find home." Eli's smile widened at the thought of getting stories of her. "I'll take it. Embarrassing? I highly doubt that. Any and all stories about you I'll be glad to hear."

"You're more than dust. You have a glow just some people can't see it. It's on them not on you." He gently squeezed her hand and smiled. "And that's enough. Always will be." Just because her mom didn't see her like that didn't mean she wasn't special. "Good. After all you can't dim your light for others. Not fair to you." Cooking and having a knack to learn seemed like a good combo. "Sounds like we're a match in kitchen heaven."

He couldn't help but smiled amused. "Carry a portable fan with you at all times. That way I don't have to be too far away from you. I know. It wasn't the brightest idea to move here but I also think it lead me to you. I am not sure if I believe in that but also not really a coincidence we met before we actually met. It was like," he thought about it. "A string pulling me toward you. Have you ever felt that?" Nodding his head he didn't think she'd take him up on it so quick but was glad she had. "Winter break coming up. Let's do it. I'm sure my sisters will love to join if you're okay with that. I need to see if they can come or one will be missing. Not sure Isa and hia schedule." He had to think hard on if he did go anywhere he had wanted to. "No. We stayed local or if we felt really adventurous we went to Colorado. But bucket list items for sure. Brazil? That is cool. That reminds me of one I forgot. Panama." He bumped into her and gave her a look. "Neither am I very good at sharing."

Eli turned around and sighed trying to find his sweater he hadn't worn in the week. Once he did he took it out and found bottoms that would fit her. Last time Inez bought him pants they were a little too tight so now they seemed like they'd fit Laurel. "Here, get comfortable. You can't stand or sit on the floor. You're my guest. I insist." His black striped hoodie was the one he gave her and handed her the bottoms. "These should fit you. I have an extra toothbrush in the drawer in the bathroom so feel free to use that. I promise it's brand new." Now he was thankful the Phillips siblings gave him so much in their care package. "If you need anything else let me know."

Cloud nine was too low for the blissful feeling she was experiencing as he returned her kiss. Laurel hoped, but didn't expect. Feeling him so close to her, well, it was impossible to melt while in his arms. "Clearly many talents," she agreed breathlessly, happily remaining in the daze he left her when he pulled away. Her knees felt weak, and she couldn't be more thankful for the seat she was on. There was no denying, she had fallen for him. It was a thing, right? Love at first dance? "The baby whisperer," the title made her laugh, picturing him as the ultimate babysitter. "Oh that sounds so cute, watching her grow up. You probably have some really good stories from your babysitting days. I can see why she's so close to you, big brother duties." Laurel rested her chin on her palm, listening to him talk more about Chicago. "I'm sorry to hear that, losing a home is not easy." Optimism wasn't her forte, despite the positivity she was trying to display, so she was familiar with his sentiment. It just saddened her that he didn't feel connected to a home, the sadness only increasing with his comment on his parents. Is that what led him here? "Maybe this place helps you find some hint or some direction to a new home. You still have a long time." After all, they were still so young. So much could happen, right? Wasn't that the world's big promise - adventure and twists/turns to find their place? "I know they'd love to meet you, hm I don't know about those stories though." Still, a resigned sigh followed. "They'll be eager to share the most embarrassing stories about me."

She had called herself an open book, so Laurel meant to deliver, even in the topics she tried avoiding. Her big one? Her family life. It often led to some variation of, that's family, you need to understand. The warmth from his hand soothed the turmoil she began to feel with the topic, like settling a storm that hadn't even begun. It was nice to hear otherwise for a change. "She's just...particular about what she wanted. You see past the dust then?" His reassurance brought a smile to her face, "careful what you wish for, but don't worry. I've been learning to be myself, promise." It helped to be in a new place with her dad, no more nagging in her ear. "You like to learn, and I like a challenge, hm...we'll be a good pair. We will add cooking to the list, finding a new recipe, and hope we don't burn the place down."

She was glad that he agreed, because it was the simple truth. It felt like a cliche to say that from the moment she saw him, but things really had not been the same since she spoke to him. "Good, consider it your new nickname. Pretty green eyes," how easily it flowed. "It could be, don't be surprised if I call you that in the middle of class." Or the middle of campus, that'd be funny. Would it embarrass him though? "You picked one hell of a state then." Not that she was complaining, Laurel probably wouldn't have met him otherwise. "Heatwaves are the standard here, but good to know you get irritable. I'll have to keep you near an a.c. unit."

Her eyes seemed to brighten just a smidge more, filled with excitement. "Really?" Laurel was basically a kid at Christmas. "I'd really like that. You can show me what I've been missing. We should totally plan it!" The thought had momentarily crossed her mind, thinking holiday plans and wanting to make the cabin idea happen for him, just to see him smile. Getting carried away was in her nature. But, him suggesting it? Well, that gave her free rein. "Have you visited any of them, or have a list of top three you'd like to visit? I'd like to spend any day with you, outside or inside. So, sign me up for this nature tour." She nodded without hesitation, confirmation was sitting right in front of her. "Nerdy is hot, absolutely. Sharing," she hummed in thought, even if the answer was already at the tip of her tongue. "No, I'm not a fan of sharing at all. Hope that's okay."

"Tell you what, you come over to my place. Well, my dad's place. We do that cooking lesson, and I can bring those pom poms out of retirement to see if the clap clap cheers stuck." Her voice was laced with amusement, using the words he used earlier. "I'm intrigued to hear these ideas you're thinking of. That would be great, company is really all I want, but I do love fun facts." Taking her hand shouldn't surprise her, but it still sent a light jolt of electricity through her. Laurel loved it though, how things flowed between them with barely any awkwardness. She felt like she had known him for ages, and not just weeks. "Green is a good one, might be becoming my favorite color too. Wow, you know all the good places. Madrid seems like a fun spot, and food..oh my god, probably so good. Me? I have a whole list of places, but top would be Brazil or Japan. Brazil for their carnival, but it also just looks so beautiful." She stepped into his room, offering him a smile as she looked around. "Thank you, I'll be alright." Couldn't get that cold, right? "Okay, I'll be here," she teased, knowing there was no intention to leave.

"Comfy looks good on you." No outside clothes. Well, Laurel was out of luck there. She was not exactly carrying an extra pair of pajamas in her backpack. "Makes sense, I'll just avoid your bed then. And, now I know the outside clothes thing, for future reference."

[osakhee]

10th floor, ceo!sungchan x reader

! blowjob, sir kink?

you arrange your shirt nervously, your leg bouncing on the wooden floor. you really need that job. you already went through two interviews, but the company you applied is quite luxurious, and after meeting managers and the head of the human ressources, you were urged to meet the ceo. you heard he was the one actually making decisions for the workers, and he's the last wall between you and that very important job.

even though you know the famous company by name, you never heard of jung sungchan. the young owner inherited everything from his father after his passing, making a huge difference in the harsh business environment due to his age. the company never flourished this well since sungchan's new ceo position. all you could recall from the words of the managers is that he's great at making people fall for him and his traps to make his wealth grow bigger.

your appointment with sungchan is planned in less than 10 minutes. you're early, and now the time seems like it's ticking slowly enough for you to die at least twice on the chair. the corridor that's connected to sungchan's office is quiet and you could only hear your -almost- steady breathing and the faint voice of a man on the other side of the door.

your eyes travel the papers in your hands, the review letters from your past interviews, you read the positive sentences over and over again. you believe in yourself for this job. you almost jump from the chair when you hear the doorknob then the door open. your eyes meet jung sungchan's, and you immediately get what the workers you met meant when they told you the ceo makes all the heads spin.

he's much taller than you expected, an annoyingly pretty face with serious yet soft eyes, a faint smile making him look even sweeter. sungchan steps out of his office and stands in front of you. you immediately get up from the chair.

"i think we have a little interview together, right?"

"yes... sir... i'm here for the job."

"i heard about you, the managers gave me great feedbacks. you're quite a pretty thing."

the words get stuck in your throat, your eyes flutter and sungchan chuckles at your reaction. he opens the door and invites you inside, closing it safely behind you. you stand up awkwardly in the office as sungchan sits down on his luxurious chair and sighs. he shifts himself on the soft material of the chair, and point the seat in front of his desk with his head.

"sit down."

sungchan doesn't need to ask you twice. you sit down and put in front of him the review letters from the different staffs. the silence feels awkward to you, your eyes travel around the room everywhere but in front of you to avoid the ceo's gaze. sungchan is focused on you, massaging his large hands. finally the silence is broken by his voice, and you dare to look at him again. sungchan had opened his tight shirt a little and loosened his tie, and is now looking right at you with a much more serious stare.

"tell me pretty, how much do you need that job?"

you take a moment to think about what to answer. the switch of behavior of the tall man makes you grow more nervous and your face feels hot. you should tell him the truth but won't you sound too desperate?

"answer me when i ask a question."

"i really.... really need that job sir... i have been wanting to work there for so long, i really want it."

"much better when you reply like that. come stand here, pretty."

you take a deep breath and stand up. sungchan's gaze is almost burning you, you can feel it from the tip of your fingers to your chest and face, down your thighs... the ceo sits back in his chair, his legs comfortably parted.

"i think we can help each other out, hm? your pretty face helps me with my problem and i'm sure i can find a nice place for you in the company."

"...excuse me..?"

"don't do that pretty... show some interest in what your boss is asking you..."

sungchan's tone drips like honey into your ears. one of his hand rubs his thigh slowly while he rests his chin on the other one with his gaze so heavy on you. each step you take closer to him make the bulge straining his pants grow larger. sungchan scoffs at your slow moves, his hand rubbing himself over his clothes.

"you know... being such an important person is so much stress... i'm sure you can help out, right? you must do everything i say if you want to work for me, hm."

you slowly drop on your knees in front of him, your hands on his thighs and your face so close to the throbbing bulge. sungchan's smirk grow wider, his hands unbuckling his belt but not opening his pants. he trails his finger down your jaw and hold your chin with the tip of it.

"tell me pretty... want to help the boss out?"

"...yes."

sungchan's smile drops and his voice gets lower.

"yes who?"

"yes sir."

"good."

you nervously let your hands travel sungchan's thighs, earning a low sigh from him. you unbutton his pants, opening it enough to show his strained underwear, the hot bulge twitching under your fingers. you press your palm between sungchan's legs and he groans at your touch, one of his hand finding its place in your hair.

you lick your lips and finally tug on sungchan's underwear slowly, you free his hard cock that stands proudly in front of your face. you caress the veiny length experimentally, and sungchan put his hand around yours to make you hold his dick, making you pump him a little.

he holds the base of his cock with both yours and his hand, he pushes the leaking and red tip on your lips eagerly. you give a lick on the slit as more precum drips on your tongue, and sungchan finally lets go of your hand. he rests himself on his chair, fingers tangled into your hair. when you finally take him into your mouth, a low moan escapes from his throat.

"j-just like that pretty..."

encouraged by his words, you take him deeper, your tongue swirling around his length and tracing the veins. sungchan gets more noisy, breathy groans coming out of his parted lips. his closed eyes open to look at you when you bob your head and take your time on the head of his cock. more praises fall from his tongue and his fingers tug on your hair to bring you closer.

you cough around his dick. you take him away from your mouth and jerk him off, putting all your attention on his throbbing tip that seems ready to explode any minute. you push your thumb on the slit and coat the head of his cock with the sticky fluid. more impatient to find his place back into your hot mouth, sungchan push on your head until his cock hits your face. you open your lips and let him inside, his tip hitting far into your throat as sungchan tug on your hair a little more harshly.

"fuck... keep going..."

the ceo's hips buck into your mouth pushing him deeper inside. you almost gag around him and hold the base of his dick in your hand, rubbing it quickly while you drag your tongue up and down. the way sungchan's groans grow louder and heavier make you speed up, you look up to meet his half opened eyes. his chest heaves to a fast yet steady rhythm, his unbuttoned shirt showing his glistening chest.

you suck on his tip and you feel sungchan's grip on your hair tighten, his two hands holding your head in place while he pushes his hips into you face. you can feel drool dripping from your chin mixed with his cum that erupts into your throat. you move your head slowly to make sure you don't miss a single drop of his bitter fluid before letting go of his now softening dick.

you lick your lips and you feel sungchan's thumb rub on your chin gently, wiping away the spit that coats your skin. sungchan grabs your cheeks and drag you up until you're close of his face. he meets your lips in a sweet kiss, mixed with the taste of his cum. the ceo releases you from his grip and puts back his clothes, buttoning his pants and tucking his shirt back inside.

"so good to me... you did so well pretty."

you sit back on the other side of the desk and sungchan takes the papers that you dropped in front of him. he quickly go through the praises and good reviews from his workers with a smile, looking at you from behind the letters.

"i guess i have a new coworker. you did such a good job. but i expect much more from you starting from today, understood?"

"yes sir."

sungchan work that gets released before eunseok work sorry.... got inspired by the riize court and someone's request, please enjoy :3 eunseok is next, then wonbin!

[tommarvoloriddlesdiary]

Trick or treat!! 🍬

i'm late by several days, but you get a treat(?) it depends on if you think my writing is a treat 😂 that was a bold thing for me to claim--

-

“Oh no,” Pansy Parkinson bemoaned with a disdain she only saved for two things in this world. One: a new Witch Weekly fashion trend that simply wouldn’t do. And two: Harry Potter.

Considering there was no trashy magazine spread out on her lap, Tom could only presume Potter was within eye line. So, subtle as a herd of hippogriffs, Tom turned to see if he could also spot Potter in the courtyard. And after merely a moment of careful searching, lo and behold, there he was.

Standing beneath the shade of a sprawling oak tree, Potter held his Firebolt casually across his shoulders. Of course, he was surrounded by his typical Gryffindor entourage—and given their propensity for boisterously annoying laughter and chatter—Tom was surprised to see they were all sitting relaxed and quiet. No wonder he hadn’t heard them long before now.  

Potter’s head was tilted back as though he were admiring the warm afternoon sun through the tree’s dense leaves. And with the way the shadows and light were casting flickering patterns on the smooth plains of his face, Tom was ready to believe that. What an idyllic little picture the boy wonder was presenting. Disgusting.

“Seriously,” Pansy continued, “we can’t have a moment to ourselves? Where do they get off sitting that close to us? It’s like they’re trying to give me a migraine—everyone knows the colour red makes me nauseous from the hours of ten to eight!”

Tom thought that was a bit dramatic. However, he could agree with the overall sentiment: must Potter and his little groupies be everywhere?

Draco coughed, poorly concealing a laugh, and Theo sighed softly, shaking his head behind the book he was reading. “Here’s a radical thought: Don’t look at them,” Theo sarcastically suggested and pointedly turned to the next page.

“Come now, Theo,” Draco smiled. Something wicked and mischievous built in his tone, “Can you blame her? That is the Harry Potter. That is the Boy-Who-Lived, Ender of Grindelwald, Hero of the Wizarding World, known Dark Lord Defeater—“

Theo slammed his book shut and hissed, “Can you just get on to bloody punchline already?”

“—And close personal associate of Pansy’s long-time infatuation: Hermione Granger.”

Pansy spluttered, seemingly appalled but turning slowly the colour she proclaimed to hate so very much. “I DO NOT—“

“Oh please,” Draco rolled his eyes, “at least you aren’t as bad as Tom.”

Tom, who had been listening with a close ear and had half an eye on his fellow Slytherins, was still mostly distracted by the annoying way Potter seemed to be enjoying this perfectly fine afternoon. And how the light reflected off Potter’s eyes, making them glow like the polar night sky Professor Sinistra had shown them several classes ago. And how, even half put together in his quidditch uniform, Potter looked far too comfortable in his skin—really, no one should be that at ease wearing those tight-fitted trousers. Tom hates him.

Draco leant forward, ready to wave a hand over Tom’s face. “I mean, look at him. He’s not even listening to us,” but as Draco stretched his hand near enough, Tom grabbed his wrist. 

“And what,” Tom asked voice low and words slow, his eyes turned to meet Draco’s head-on, “do you mean by that, Malfoy?”

Draco flinched back, but because he was literally caught in Tom’s grasp, there wasn’t much space regained. “Well - I mean - surely you’ve - I thought -“ Draco stuttered.

Theo graciously decided to step in, “What this idiot is trying to say is: we know you like him.”

Like him? 

“Like who?” Tom asked, perplexed. Like Draco? Theo had said it well enough; the boy is an idiot. His older brother Lucius was helpful to a point, and his father Abraxas showed some promise in Tom’s carefully laid plans. Still, overall, the only reason Tom bothered to associate with Draco was his well-known and depressingly well-respected name. The Malfoys carried far too much weight in the upper echelons of wizarding society. So it would be foolish not to capitalise on the Malfoys’ most glaring weakness: their beloved youngest child.

Pansy searched Tom’s face, bewildered, and said, “You’re kidding?”

“Oh. Wow, no, he’s quite serious.” Theo’s brows crept high up his forehead, and he whistled, “I never thought I’d see the day our very own Tom Riddle was daft about someone. And blind to it, too? This must be one of the rarest magical phenomena ever witnessed.” 

Tom frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Draco cleared his throat and carefully twisted his wrist from left to right until he could easily slip free in Tom’s distracted state. “As I was saying, you’re worse than Pansy. She at least bullies Granger to the point of loud confrontations,” —Pansy murmured a disgruntled ‘quiet, you’— “but you don’t even talk to Potter. You just make gaga eyes at him from a distance.”

Tom blinked once. Gaga eyes? Him? At Potter? “I do no such thing. That’s ridiculous.”

Pansy scoffed, “You’re ridiculous.”

“Pot meet kettle,” Theo sighed. “Tom, at first we thought it was part of your 15-year plan, or whatever you keep calling it, to be the youngest Minister in history. After all, Potter is a good political match, and he’s Magical Britain’s sweet summer child. If you were to capture his affection and work your way through the ministry, even your darker leanings would get a pass because ‘how could our darling saviour romantically involve himself with a dark, evil, and immoral wizard?’”

Pansy and Draco both nod their heads sagely. 

Theo continues, “But when you never tried to speak with Potter, ask him out to Hogsmeade weekends, or even just offer to study with him, we realised you actually may simply like him. No strings attached.”

Tom was blindsided, and he was never blindsided. How did these three fools jump to this conclusion? Sure, Potter wasn’t unattractive, and, fine, Tom could admit that Potter’s family background coupled with his new found status was appealing and a good match for his political schemes, and, with a wand to his head, maybe he could acquiesce that Potter did have a magical aptitude that possibly rivalled Tom’s own, and, again, those damn trousers…

Oh Merlin. Was he crushing on Harry Potter?

Tom’s face scrunched up in disgust. 

“Ah - I think he’s just sorted it out,” Theo nodded. He stood up and dusted off his robes. “Well, my work here is done. See you all in Charms.”

Pansy and Draco both watched, horrified, as Theo ambled away. He walked towards the group of lounging Gryffindors and even offered them a small smile and a wave, which was more than he had ever offered to anyone in his own house. 

Tom swore he could feel his eye twitch when Potter caught sight of Theo and, with that ridiculous natural charm of his, waved back and grinned like they‘d always been good friends.

-

(to be continued...?)

[yandere-sins]

I also had another random thought about being Konig's platonic darling and Ghost's romantic darling at the same time!

In a lot of fics, darlings are mostly seen as rabbit or caged birds right? I personally think that kortac operator!reader is a swan. Why? Swans glide gracefully, but that's on the surface. They're paddling madly under the water. That's her! Being an operator means that darling shows excellence, but doesn't show her struggles to achieve that position. Also, doesn't have the privilege of opening up because that is a privilege reserved for the rookies. Operators can't do that. In Kortac, darling doesn't have the privilege about opening up about Konig. I believe that all readers are beautiful, so that, plus looking perfect in the surface, radiate swan energy.

And Ghost, being an extremely sharp man with good instincts can see that she's "paddling madly under the water" despite the perfect exterior. Maybe this is what attracted him to her?

A little scenario came to mind! I hope you don't mind me adding on to this ^-^

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

"Ain't you tired?" a deep, gravelly voice called out to you from behind. You flinched, all your training gone the second either Ghost or König were around, and you'd know his accent from anywhere. Glancing over your shoulder, you spotted him hidden in the dark shadows along the wall near you, leisurely leaning against the metal while raking his eyes up and down your body.

It wasn't like you needed to fear him. What you needed was to pay attention to the meeting happening in front of you, although you had to admit you had long tuned out the voices explaining new adaptions to the handbook on how to behave with fellow operators. For a while, you had been watching König, his hulking form a few rows in front of you, other, lower-ranking soldiers separating you just like you wanted. He kept shifting his weight, stealing glances back at you, making sure you were still there.

Of course, you were. You were tired, not disobedient.

"You're not supposed to be here," you mumbled back, your sentence containing the slightest hint of a question even though the fact remained. He wasn't a KorTac operator; he didn't need to take part in a meeting with them. "And you should be sleepin'. Can see your eye bags from a mile away."

"Charming..." you sighed. "You came here just to tell me that?"

"Nah. Just lookin' out for my darlin'."

You took a deep breath, widening your stance as if to put up a stronger barrier. Naturally, König's head snapped around, checking why you were moving. Still, his focus was so sharply on you that he completely missed the ghost hiding in the shadows. König was obviously annoyed about the standing arrangements, rank never suiting him whenever he had to be a professional while in the same room with you. His neck stretched, making him even taller (as if he didn't already surpass all the other soldiers), yet, when you shrugged at him, he resigned himself to listening to the lecture. Was he disappointed there was no danger? One, where he could swoop you up and carry you to safety?

"I'm not tired, thanks," you finally replied to Ghost's question, speaking slowly and calmly to not raise suspicion by letting your voice ring through the rows of operators. If König—who you were sure by now this meeting was about as someone must have ratted him out for how he was behaving around you—wasn't enough of a stress factor, you really didn't need an additional hen to hoover over you.

"No foolin' me. I know he kept you on your toes last night. Always does, that bastard. The thrill of the chase, yeh? But won't you get tired from being the mouse?"

"It's not ideal," you offered, a small acknowledgment of the truth. "But he's my colonel, and I respect him. Can we leave it at that?"

Ghost sighed, and you felt his presence step up to your back rather than hear it. Uncanny, that's what he was. That was the reason your skin turned into goosebumps as he stood behind you, shrouded in darkness like an apparition rather than a fellow human being.

"Sure, darlin'. You can have me bed if you need to sleep for once. You know where to find me."

And then, as silently as he appeared, he was gone again, leaving you with that offer. Biting your lip, you hated how tempting it was. How secure it felt to put your trust in him. You knew better than that; knew he was on the opposite side of the spectrum of the horror you were living.

Ghost made it very clear that he wanted you, perhaps in the same way as König, just... carnally. König wanted his version of you, to be with you, to obsess over you, love you. Take care of you although you were perfectly able to do so yourself. The job was dangerous, sure, but in his version, you were a pitiful, debilitated thing to care for. One that needed him almost as much as he seemed to need you. But Ghost... he wanted more than that.

He wanted to win you over, wanted to mold and bend you as he pleased, wanted you feisty yet helpless to his demands. He wanted you screaming and crying, but he wanted you to come to him despite the eery promises of discomfort he emitted. There was more possessiveness in his eyes every time you saw him, more lust, more desire. Perhaps it was a form of love, too, but it was hard to understand either man obsessing with you.

"[Name]?"

Shit, the meeting.

"Y-Yeah?" you replied quickly, not wanting to be caught. König towered in front of you, his body blacking out the low-hanging lights he had to duck underneath.

"Who were you talking with? I saw your mouth move."

"N-No one, Colonel! I was repeating what I was learning."

"Oh... I see. Good. That's good."

You noticed his eyes prying away from you, scanning the area behind you briefly. "Let's go then. You didn't have your breakfast yet, did you?"

Lifting his arm behind your back, it hovered there. Not close enough to touch, even if you knew he was edging his fingertips over your shoulders, but it urged you forward in a gesture so natural, no one batted an eye. You sighed as you picked up a pace that König had very little problem keeping up with, but you knew that not all suspicions were quelled just with your verbal confirmation. He'd be even more careful and attentive—which was hard, considering he was overbearing on the good days.

And suddenly, Ghost's invitation felt very tempting again.

[tubbytarchia]

Wild Life Session 4 smallidarity thoughts (+ some Scar and Lizzie)

See it was all fine, nothing to worry about!! Joel couldn't bring himself to kill Jimmy, he barely even harmed him. I'm pretty sure he shot him just once (after Jimmy trampled their crops so. fair)? Joel calmed down, he rebuilt his car, everything is fine. He says at the start that he's wary of Jimmy because of him going after Joel last time, and that's about it for the time being

Jimmy dies and Joel makes a deal out of it and calls him a muppet. As per usual. Meanwhile Jimmy is still adamant to get at Joel whilst Scar tries to deter him because they want to be an alliance

He and Jimmy meet up at some point after their brief interaction at the start where Joel shot him, and they just banter. And Gem and Scar are just standing there like "guyss we're a family come on" meanwhile Joel and Jimmy's exchange goes as follows: Jimmy: "you're the ones with tasty lives!" Joel: "yeah bet you wish you could have a chunk of me!" "Oh I'm having a chunk out of you!" "Yeah and you know where to take that chunk out of!" "Oh I'm gonna take it! I'm taking it!" "You should!" And then Gem and Scar tell them to break it up and Joel goes "we're just flirting!!" ? what the fuck? Genuinely WHAT are they talking about. is this an innuendo of some sort. is this another ambiguous smallidarity sex scene sorry who said that

Jimmy gets a double kill (in the most adorable way btw. The way he weasels his way in there and backs off and comes back to try again all crouched. animal) and goddd people hyping him up is so so sweet. He deserves this. He's also a little bit evil, he's getting the murder rush but I'm happy for him. He needs to kill more people, he needs to get this out of his system, he deserves this, things need to get worse before they get better. ANYWAY Scar all "that was the greatest kill ever on the life series" is so cute. And man I gotta agree. There's more unique and funny and impressive kills but I would not mind calling this the best just for the fact that it's Jimmy. He's competent, he can do shit like this, but it feels like most everyone and the world is continuously against his survival, but here he is... my son...

And then Joel coming up to congratulate him... Really blummin cute. In Joel's POV also, he says "I went to congratulate Jimmy and we had a moment" which I wager he might be referring to the creeper incident as 'the moment' but that'd make no sense to call it that. With that tonation. Why did he say it like that. Stop being cute

But yeah Scar tries to blow Joel up with creepers only for Joel to save him from his own creeper and he's so casual about it. He is incredibly kind to the bamboozlers, it's really cute...

And then Jimmy does it!! He gets Joel!! And he gets him real good!! And can you believe that the first person to kill either of the family duo is Jimmy, of all people. Scott has died by this point too and Jimmy is the one to make a dent in the full 6-life alliance. Crazy. I'm so proud of him. It was seriously really good too, see, when Jimmy puts his mind to something and is able to focus he excels, he really does. And Joel, oh Joel is such a good sport about it. He keeps saying how it was good and fair and that he still wants an allyship with him. Tells him "welcome back to green" aww. And they make a truce, Jimmy got it out of his system and now they can be friends and go kill other people instead and Joel is proud of him... Jimmy "Joel, I finally got you, so I will stop now, so let's do the perfect dap" and then they both count down and clap their hands to simulate slapping palms. Awesome. All of Joel and Jimmy is just really cute this time around. Very happy about them being a more proper alliance now, but we'll see if it sticks... Joel can only be so mean to Jimmy at this point though I don't think he has it in him to betray him or anything lol. Can't speak for the rest of them but not too worried for the smallidarity, it's a plentiful crop...

Also a very important exchange between Lizzie and Jimmy at some point: "I just finangled a load of diamonds off of Joel" "Oh? How did you do that?" "I asked him just really nicely" (lie btw she was moreso extorting Joel) "Oh, that doesn't work when I... I guess... you are his wife, I guess..." "Yeah..." "Lucky for some I guess- right (unrelated topic)" I'm not 100% confident that's what Jimmy said at the end, it's a bit hard to make out but. what? Hello?

I also extend gratitude towards Lizzie for being so nice and supportive of Jimmy, she was the one to suggest the cobweb creeper trap that ended up taking Joel out, but she also insisted that he drink a health restoration stew beforehand in case anything went wrong. Jimmy didn't end up doing so (he was full) and Lizzie is all "why?" and "something could have gone wrong". man. Nice to him...

[sur-i-ki]

5/20

The nights before and mornings after

The camp is silent when you finally slip into sleep, the weight of the day’s battle heavy on your shoulders. Beside you, he’s resting, or so you think, his breathing shallow but steady, a comforting rhythm that lulls you deeper into the quiet embrace of slumber. He’s here, and that’s all that matters; his hand is close to yours, his warmth within reach. You close your eyes, finally allowing yourself to feel safe.

But he doesn’t sleep.

He’s been fighting the darkness creeping through his body, a chill that has nothing to do with the night air. You don’t know about the wound, hidden beneath his armor, the blood that’s been soaking into the fabric, too slow to notice but deadly all the same. He’s slipping away, and he knows it, but he won’t wake you. Instead, he reaches for the scrap of paper tucked into his pack, pulling it out with shaking fingers. He forces himself to write, his vision blurring, his hand unsteady, the pain sharp with each movement. His gaze flickers to you, and his heart aches with everything he’s about to say—everything he should have said long before now.

If you’re reading this, then I’m gone.

The words are jagged, the ink smudging as he presses harder, pushing through the pain that sears through him with each heartbeat.

I didn’t tell you. I wanted to, every single day, but I was afraid. Afraid that if I said it, I’d lose you. But now… now I’m out of time, and I need you to know: I’ve loved you from the moment I met you. I love you now. I love you forever.

He pauses, breathing shallow, struggling to stay conscious as he fights to keep going.

Every moment, you were there, this light I didn’t deserve. You made me believe I could be someone better, someone worthy of standing by your side. I wanted so much to tell you, but I could never find the words. You, with your laugh that could cut through even the darkest nights, with your strength that left me awed—every part of you was something I cherished.

His fingers shake as he writes, his hand smearing the ink as he struggles to continue.

There were so many times I almost told you. On the long nights when it was just us, sitting in silence, I almost reached for you. Almost touched your hand, hoping you’d understand without words. And each time, I held back. I was afraid of losing you, of ruining what we had, but I can see now how foolish I was.

I imagined a life with you—one where we’d have quiet mornings together, where I’d get to see you smile every day. A life where I’d tell you I loved you as often as I could, just to see your eyes light up.

The pain sharpens, and he forces himself through it, pushing every ounce of strength he has into these last words.

If I could, I’d have given you everything. I’d have spent my days making you laugh, my nights protecting you, my life in your hands. I’d have told you every single day that I loved you, that you were the reason I kept going, that you were my hope, my reason to fight.

Please remember that, if nothing else. You gave me a life worth living. You were everything to me. Even now, my heart is only yours.

Don't cry, idiot

See you not too soon

His hand falters, the pen slipping, and the letter trails off in a shaky line as his strength leaves him. He pushes a final kiss onto the letter, leans over and kisses your head. The, his head leans back, eyes fluttering closed, the letter slipping from his fingers as he falls into stillness.

----

Hours later, you wake, your mind foggy, your limbs heavy with sleep. You reach for him instinctively, but something feels wrong. His hand is cold, his skin unnaturally pale in the soft dawn light. Panic blooms in your chest as you sit up, turning to him, shaking him gently, calling his name. But he doesn’t stir. His face is peaceful, but there’s an eerie stillness to him that chills you to the bone.

Gods, no.

Your eyes catch on the crumpled paper beside him, his handwriting scrawled across it, shaky and uneven. Trembling, you reach for it, clutching it tightly, feeling the roughness of the paper against your fingers as you unfold it. The words blur through your tears, each line a fresh wave of agony as you read his final confession.

“I’ve loved you from the moment I met you.”

The words are heavy, every stroke of ink a reminder of what he never said, of everything he’s leaving behind. His love, his regret, his dreams—each line pierces deeper, a wound that leaves you breathless. You can feel him there, in every word, his presence lingering like a ghost in the paper you clutch to your chest.

His scent clings faintly to his cloak, mixing with the metallic tang of blood and the lingering smoke from last night’s battle. Your chest tightens, your heart pounding as you bring the letter closer, his words mingling with the pain that radiates through you. Each line is a glimpse into the life he’d imagined with you, a life you’ll never share, every word a reminder of what’s been lost.

You close your eyes, pressing the letter to your chest, feeling the rough edges dig into your skin, grounding you in the unbearable reality of his absence. The world around you is muted, sounds blurring together, the dawn too bright, too harsh against the hollow ache in your heart. The warmth of his final touch is fading, slipping from your grasp as you clutch the letter tightly, as though holding it close could somehow bring him back.

You lean down, pressing a kiss to his forehead, his skin cold beneath your lips, the finality of it settling over you like a shroud. The air is thick with silence, broken only by your whispered words, your voice cracking as you say all the things you never got to say, the words he’ll never hear.

"I love you too, idiot."

And your heart shatters, never to be healed again, holding him and his echoes close.

⇝ 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘴, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥! 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯

[the-monkey-ruler]

If you were given the opportunity to adapt "Journey to the West" into a movie, how would you adapt it? (No necesariamente tiene que ser el libro completo, puede ser un capítulo en particular o lo que quieras).

Oooo I actually thought about this before! It was a while ago but it was so much fun to think! I will say would would do a full-on adaptation with every single arc with every arc counting!

Again I would love it to be 2D with that stretch kind of animation, I think that allowing it to be more stylized would allow designs to be more creative and expressive overall. I would also say to make it more “adult” in that there is blood and death, similar to how Samurai Jack or Lupin the 111 Part 5 is treated with being watched for a younger audience but like in no way is it just for kids either or holds back on the violence.

I would still love it to be a completely character-driven series spanning 14 years, with explored relationships and realistic development. I would still lean into a comedic tone, but still balance serious elements, with the characters treating even the most serious situations with a sense of humor. I would love to see them face challenges and lose the battle not because they are weak but rather because of their lack of cooperation. They start off as dysfunctional and at odds with each other but as the journey continues we see all five pilgrims learn how to work together and become a team. Despite initial disagreements, they eventually come together to overcome their foes, recognizing the importance of relying on each other. Very found family trope which I eat up like candy. Also a like of highlighting quiet moments between scenes, such as cooking and cleaning camp sights, and filler episodes focusing on flashbacks of characters like Bajie, Wujing, and Bailong, who feel depressed and lose their sense of self due to their new positions. I would love to show each season changing cause this is FOURTEEN YEARS and how that could be shown with changing seasons in the background.

Would still love entire character arcs for each character. Bajie once being a Marshall instead becomes a lazy pig on earth and falls into a state of depression and acts on whim, seeking fleeting joy. Throughout his journey, he proves he is a capable fighter and starts caring for others and despite being a jerk, Bajie cares in his own rough way and starts showing that while he isn't perfect he always tries to get better. Wujing, initially soft-spoken and quick to rage, initially avoids speaking due to his fear of being blamed for a single mistake. However, as he sees his brothers' loudness and brashness, he starts to see that he isn't judged for every mistake. He learns that ribbing isn't punishment, and he can relax around new people who are also screw-ups. This experience helps Wujing build self-confidence and stand up for himself without being a doormat to others. BaiLong starts off as a standoff member who doesn't speak much but he is still expressive and aggressive, like in that horse in Tangled. He sees himself as responsible for keeping Sanzang safe and is often in guard dog mode. Despite lacking scales or horns, BaiLong is treated like a brother and the pilgrims provide him with support he never got from his bio family. He is not a trained soldier but he comes to see himself as part of the group as they all have their strengths and weaknesses.

I would like Sanzang to be seen as inexperienced in the real world. He has lived in a monastery his entire life but is sheltered from other kingdoms. Sanzang sees corruption in the palace and is given a sign by Gaunyin to make a real change without politics or face-saving. The story should follow Xuanzang's Pilgrimage, where Sanzang sneaks out of Tang without the Emperor's approval, finding it worth it. But he is arrogant and believes he has everything figured out because he got to the highest level of monk in his kingdom quickly. When he meets his new disciples, he is forced to see how people with different paths of life than him have different points of view and how this challenges his own thinking. He starts to be humbled and starts to learn just as much from his disciples as they learn from him. Would love to explore Sanzang's emotional disconnect from his family trauma, including his father's resurrection and mother's suicide. Despite kidnappings, he becomes more open with his journeymates, demonstrating empathy for the stress of new responsibilities. Also, a physical transformation from his 20s to his 40s would be a concise choice as he would be the only mortal in the group, showcasing his growth and transformation throughout his journey.

But of course, I would have Wukong completely leaning into his ex-warlord persona, characterized by arrogance, cockiness, and a tendency to threaten with violence. He is charming, charismatic, and funniest, giving people a chance to walk away. His expressive and cartoonish reactions showcase his range of emotions. However, Wukong's excess of power harms the environment and people around him, leading Sanzang to push for less violent means. The use of 2D animation would showcase Wukong's creativity and innovation, capturing the audience's imagination and understanding of his power. Wukong's strength is evident in his diverse powers, but he needs to be more considerate and rely on Bajie and Wujing for protection. He learns how to acknowledge them as equals and recognizes that being the strongest person doesn't automatically make him right. In a long-running series, Wukong should gradually come to understand that he has a team and a different brotherhood compared to his past. This would be particularly interesting in the Demon Bull King episode. Wukong realizes he also was kinda sheltered in his own world, as he was surrounded by more yes-men than equals. His past brotherhood allowed him to demonstrate destructive behavior, leading to a spiral of self-sabotage. Wukong focuses on growing empathy for others, a skill that is difficult to learn. He struggles physically, mentally, and emotionally in situations, questioning his decisions. This constant battle with himself is particularly evident during a pilgrimage, where he must become dedicated to his mission and become a deity.

Wukong realizes that his power doesn't make him superior, and he needs humility, also parading Sanzang's own journey. He acknowledges that his teammates, including Bajie, Wujing, Sanzang, and BaiLong, have something to offer, even if it's not immediate strength. He starts to accept his limitations and recognizes that others can do what he can't. He hasn't realized his faults and is starting to rely on others, especially in a new group that sees him as a fellow Pilgrim. This newfound equality allows him to see himself as just like anyone else, trying his best. I would love a focus on the interaction between the five characters to maintain balance. More scenes where the initial gruff attitude changes over time, affecting the entire group or the group as a whole. This approach may seem extreme, but they believe it would be suitable for the show.

BUT AS FOR ARCS

General Yin 寅將軍- 1st Month. The first demon we see against Sanzang, would love to see Sanzang having to see his two guards sacrificing themselves for him and how that guilt carries with him for the rest of the journey. Also maybe adding a connection with Sanzang and a fear of Tigers for late down with Wukong being connected to Tigers and Sanzang being turned into a Tiger

Sanzang found Wukong right after maybe a 2nd Month. Really enjoy the idea that Sanzang chooses to help Wukong without knowing that he is disciple but just cause he trusted Wukong when he said he needed help. A clear sign of his naive nature but also how Wukong relied on that nature to save himself in the first place.

I think they get Bailong much later, maybe in the 4th or 5th month. Would love to see how Wukong and Sanzang interact on their own but also to have Bailong join to showcase Wukong's power. Would also love Sanzang poking a lil fun at Wukong saying that he could defeat dragons but he can't this one.

Jinchi Elder 金池长老 - 6th Month. would love to see how this would highlight Wukong's initial bloodlust and how he chooses to escalate situations to harm others. He didn't have to burn down a whole monetary down but he did because he WANTED to.

Black Wind King 黑風怪 - 6th Month. Same with how Wukong sees another Yao in the same situation as him with the headband and how even someone EXACTLY in the same situation as him and he still thinks Black Wind should die and how this could be a lesson in how he needs to learn to empathize. He was given mercy to try again and how so should other yao as well.

They find Bajie about 8 Months into the journey. I like to think that Wukong and Sanzang had a lot of time to themselves and that the change in the dynamics with Bajie.

Yellow Wind Demon 黃風怪 - 9 Month. This first Wukong ever gets HURT like he is BLIND. He never relied on someone before and now he has to trust Bajie the man he just fought in the last arc. It is kinda a moment he really gets scared and also Bajie shows the first signs that he does care enough not to leave Wukong for dead.

Wujing is picked up around the 11th month, nearly a year into the journey for Wukong and Sanzang but they get him after a huge miscommunication.

Great Zhenyuan Immortal 鎮元大仙 - 1st Year. First group crime together. Kinda Wukong wanted to rebel but also tried to connect with Bajie and Wujing similar to how he did with his brotherhood. He has to see that the dynamics aren't the same and struggle with seeing them as 'equals' rather than 'underlings. Would also love Zhenyaun bringing up his friendship with the Golden Cicida a lot more and how Sanzang feels about his past reincarnations.

White Bone Demon 白骨精 - 1.5 Year. CHANGE IN MORALS. Sanzang rather than fighting for not believe Wukong that White Bone Demon isn't a demon, he is more arguing that she hasn't hurt them and that Wukong shouldn't hurt anyone, human or yao, for what they MIGHT do. And Wukong KNOWS she is about to do something considering that up to this point, Wukong has killed more humans than demons on the journey Sanzang has his doubts. Bajie also acted on this point as more trying to get back at Wukong for the Fake-Gao situation but didn't think this would lead to banishment. Wukong tries and succeeds in resurrecting his home and sees that one of his past sworn brothers the Jaio Demon King sacrificed himself to keep his monkeys safe.

Yellow Robe Demon 黃袍怪 - 1.5 Year. The main change is that the wife does love Yellow Robe but also knows he is in the wrong and wants to go back to her family, also her kids don't die from the 2010 series. A lot of Bajie has to humble himself and see that he can't do this alone either and how Bailong and Wujing are gone. Sanzang is turned into a tiger but also him being hunted by humans. He sees what it's like to not be believed when Yellow Robe changes him and how this affects him greatly on the journey. Would love a reunion with Sanzang acknowledging that he shouldn't have sent Wukong away but he can't give up the idea that one should see the best in people and how he should have seen that in Wukong too.

Golden Horned King 金角大王 and Silver Horned King 銀角大王- 2nd Year. the first time the gang is back together and things are still tense but Wukong trying to lighten the mood while Sanzang trying to have a 'serious talk' all while demons are trying to capture him. Kinda more light-hearted but genuine trying is seen. Kinda like it just increases with how it goes from the Horned Kings, to their Mother, and then to the Great Fox King and it just escalates more and more to parallel how Wukong would rather just keep running from the Talk than sit down and talk to Sanzang until the end.

Lion-Lynx Demon 獅猁怪 - 2.5 Year. The fake Sanzang arc but also Wukong asking the fillet to be used to see who is real. Kinda a big show of trust but also a slow understanding of Sanzang and Wukong in how similar they are in their dedication, and willingness to put themselves in pain for each other. Also Wukong being outed as never eating humans cause he has healing powers and Wujing and Bajie poking fun at him for lying.

Red Boy 紅孩兒 - 3rd Year. Wukong OVERJOYED seeing a connection to his past. He thought that he could be an uncle to Red Boy but became heartbroken when he found out he was never mentioned to the kid and in fact he never heard of Bull King's Brotherhood, like it never existed. Makes Wukong have to reevaluate his past friendships and whether he cares more about them than they care about him. E.I. he was more used for protection than pure friendship. Asks Guanyin to show the kid mercy and Red Boy gets to be friends with Longnu and Muzha. Wukong still wants to have a connection with Red Boy but he more upset that he sees so much in himself in Red Boy, acting like his actions don't have consequences. Also love the Bajie/Wujing saving Wukong scene with Bajie giving him CPR and refusing to think someone like Wukong would die like that.

Black River Demon 鼉龍 - 3.5 Year. BAILONG ARC! I need Bailong fighting his cousin since this was more of a Wujing arc. But just how Bailong's own older brother comes to arrest the Black River Demon and we see how cold his family treats Bailong, pretending he is not even there, and how the pilgrims make an effort to show how they appreciate Bailong like his bio family never could. I would like to think Wujing conforming to him as this was originally more his arc since he was fighting underwater but more Wujing stepping up as the brother that Bailong never had.

Tiger Strength Great Immortal 虎力大仙, Elk Strength Great Immortal 鹿力大仙, and Antelope Strength Great Immortal 羊力大仙 - 4th Year. MY FAVORITE arc. Pure comedy just Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing coming together for the first time to bully/heckle another group of three together. Nothing brings people together like a common enemy and these three make sure to win every challenge with over-the-top enthusiasm. Makes Sanzang learn how to unwind a bit and come to laugh along with the hijinks. But really just need these three to have a great time committing crimes and Sanzang being non the wiser like "my pilgrims would never." Oh they would.

Spiritual Touch 靈感大王 - 4.5 Year. A more quiet episode of Sanzang seeing a village with his family name, maybe a Sanzang flashback to his mother's death and how he couldn't connect with his father. Sanzang wanted a family so bad but even when he got them back he couldn't make up for years of growing up without them and that he feel more close with Fa Ming as his caretaker. Also, Bajie trying to help with his perfect joke "Sink To The Bottom" and how he used to be a Water god. This would be a great time to have a flashback to Bajie's human past and he misses being a deity and how useless he feels in his new body. Heavy on the backstory and less on the demon.

Single Horned Rhinoceros King 獨角兕大王 - 5th Year. Bajie THOUGHT he was HELPING cause Sanzang was freezing by leaving the circle. I would love to see Wukong REALLY struggling as he loses to this guy at least five times, almost having a mental breakdown cause he even loses entire armies, heavenly armies that trusted him, and how he flashbacks to losing his monkeys against heaven. Takes a lot out of him and in the end he sees it is that the Rhino King does have the SAME weapon the Diamon snare that defeated him in the first place.

Ruler of Women's Country 女兒國國王 and Scorpion Demon 蠍子精 - 5.5 Year. I am not a fan of this being seen as a romance but more a Queen abusing her power to trap someone against their will. Poor Sanzang has been kidnapped by demons before but this is his first time being kidnapped by a human and he has to fight himself with how humans can commit horrid deeds as well which changes his worldview. Bajie, Wujing, and Wukong really become protective as women keep trying to harness Sanzang. Would love to see Wujing getting more confident and maybe touching on his own backstory at this point. Almost I'm a fan of 1996 Bajie where he is more of a romantic and he feels uncomfortable being seen as "just a piece of meat" when the women want them just because they are men.

Six Eared Macaque 六耳獼猴 - 6th Year (perfect for this being nearly the halfway point in the journey to show the balance starting to change) Kinda seeing Wukong regress to his more violent tendencies due to the Queen in the previous arc. Kills bandits without mercy and shows them proudly to Sanzang cause "humans can be evil as well" and Sanzang still wants to hold on that anyone can change for the better. Wukong on the other hand still stands that if people don't want to change then they shouldn't be given the choice. This leads to the banishment BUT THEN Wukong being FORCED to face a version of himself that never wanted to change as well. Would he still go on the journey for the wrong reasons? Would he have lost all his empathy for even his own monkeys? Did the Six Ears deserve mercy like he was once given? A lot of self-reflecting on Wukong's part on what it means to forgive others but also to forgive yourself and I think the REAL turning point in Wukong's character development from someone forced on the journey to someone who wants to be there for his own sake. Sanzang and he might never see eye to eye but Sanzang starts to realize while he can see the best in others he can't be naive to the point of putting himself in danger and Wukong starts to accept that others deserve mercy like he was given as well.

Princess Iron Fan 鐵扇公主 and Bull Demon King 牛魔王 - 6.5 Year. HUGE ARC. The first arc which Wukong really comes to terms with his own changes as a person from a warlord to a pilgrim. Another this is about seven years into the journey as well. Wukong thought he could visit an old friend but Iron Fan is pissed as him and Wukong went to see Bull King himself but sees that it is very one-sided. Bull King USED to be a genuine friend but has moved on and had a family, seeing Wukong only as someone that he used to know and Wukong has to face that he lost a dear friend not by death but because they are two different people that have grown apart. Bajie and Wujing really step up to give Wukong backup, both in a fight but also in emotional support as while they don't know Wukong's old friends they want to show their support by being his friends now. Wukong used to be alone but he isn't anymore. Wukong mourns the loss of their friendship and asks Nezha to go easy on him. Iron Fan herself moves on to work on her own cultivation but ends on a small friendship between Wukong and Iron Fan.

Wansheng Princess 萬聖公主 and Nine-Headed Demon 九頭蟲 - 7th Year. Another huge Bailong arc and how he had his falling out with his family. I do enjoy the 1987 take that Bailong's fiance left him for the Nine Headed Demon and think this is another way that the pilgrims can be there for him as they fight the demons. Wansheng tries to get back on Bailong's side when she sees Nine Heads is losing but Bailong respects himself enough now to reject her and go back to his new friends who were there for him. Would also love Erlang and Wukong to have a moment to talk about how Erlang spared his family instead of doing the Nine Generations Punishment and how he is thankful hence why they are sworn brothers. I adore Erlang and Wukong's similarities and how Wukong is still going to do what HE wants but he is aware that he is trying to find out what truly needs now in his life.

The Tree Spirits - 7.5 Year. I really loved this as a quiet arc again with Sanzang just having a great time with Tree Spirits who kidnapped him who wanted to talk poetry. All the while Wujing, Bajie, Wujing, and Bailong are losing their shits trying to look for him. More comedic than anything and allows Sanzang to interact with yao that is not violent. Would like to keep out the end where they try to force Sanzang to get married and Wukong to kill them all again. Just that they get to escape and Wukong warns Sanzang that they could have killed him. But Sanzang reassures Wukong that he wasn't in danger, that people can be powerful but that doesn't make them bad and uses Wukong himself to make that point.

Yellow Brows Great King 黃眉大王 - 8th Year. Would love to see Yellow Brows kinda like how he is in Black Myth, someone delusional that he is right and deserves to be Buddha while running what is practically a cult. Still holds a grudge against the Golden Cicada and tries to take over the journey to one-up him. Makes Wukong kinda look at this guy and see a lil bit of himself, someone who always thought he was right and uses his might to enforce it. But Wukong knows that his own arrogance leads to his downfall.

Python Demon 蟒蛇精 - 8.3 Year. Just more of a joke demon, does not speak but they get to have hijinks trying to chase her and pin her down. Would love Bajie and Wukong trying to get her pinned down and leads to wukong being eaten and he has to grow to escape and just gets all over Bajie that he hates this part of the job.

Sai Tai Sui / Great King Jupiter's Rival 賽太歲 - 8.7 Year. huge on comedy, this is Wukong pretending to be a doctor, and Bajie, Wujing, and Bailong are being absolutely hilarious by playing along. Wukong actually has no idea what is wrong with the guy just finds out that he misses his wife and instead spends his time fucking around and seeing how much outrageous stuff he can get away with in the meantime. Also Wujing and Bajie being 'nurses' who just follow along to make the situation far more silly. They make this poor king eat medicine from dragon piss and snot the demon doesn't even really matter, just these four being bafoons.

Spider Demons 蜘蛛精 and Hundred-Eyed Demon Lord 百眼魔君 - 9th Year. Sanzang just trying to do something on his own to show that he isn't useless but of course leads to him being kidnapped. Kinda hits him hard how much he can't even get water/food by himself and hits his self-esteem. Would love to see Wukong kinda having another mental breakdown seeing his friends poisoned and how he really comes to care for them even to the point of panic. Kinda like the 1999 take where the sisters don't die in the end and Wukong spares them as long as they promise to change their ways after seeing how Hundred Eyes betrayed them.

Azure Lion 青毛獅子, Yellow Toothed Elephan t黃牙老象, and lden Winged Great Peng 金翅大鵬雕 - 9.5 Year. pure comedy. There are serious moments are this would be the first three-on-three since the Daoist arc but would love to see all of them fighting together side by side in a huge epic fight. These SHOULD be serious demons and they can be but this illusion is kinda shattered when Wukong first meets them by entering their army, lying about commands, going into their cave, and beating the crap out of Azure Lion from the inside out. Like Wikong defeats these guys practically single-handedly and Sanzang has to ASK Wukong to let them go. Sadly does lead to them coming back but does end with a big battle. Also, the Million Demon Kingdom that I love would to be fully explored.

White Deer Spirit 白鹿精 and White-Faced Vixen Spirit 白面狐狸精 - 10th Year. Another comedy as Wukong pretends to be Sanzang moments but would love to see how a yao family White Deer being an adopted father to White Fox and how she dies because of his plans. It would start more silly but gets serious when we really see how White Deer cared for his daughter but at the same point, they tried to kill like 10,000 babies so that would have been worse.

Lady Earth Flow 地涌夫人 - 10.5 Year. Big fan of the idea that Earth Flow was really in love with Sanzang due to his past life from the 2010 series. However, that love is one-sided and she is too blind to her own desires to see what he really wants. Really more exploring how Sanzang always feels overshadowed by the Golden Cicada but the pilgrims reassure him that he was chosen for who he is, not because he was someone else and how they are on this journey with Sanzang, not the Golden Cicada.

Ruler of the Kingdom of Miefa 滅法國 - 11th Year. Another good example of how humans can be horrible is that this king wants all monks to be killed. Treated with more humor as Wukong SHAVES the entire kingdom's heads but I do think that this would be a good point in which Sanzang can confront the king himself in how this king took out his rage on innocents and has reached a point where he understands misplacing rage. A good balance of how the King has to be accountable and also shows how Wukong is able to start solving issues without violence.

King of the Southern Hill 南山大王 - 11.5 Year. This one is a comedy arc but more tired with tragedy as well. The leopard demon here convinces Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing that Sanzang has died, leading to the three to have a funeral for Sanzang and cry over his body. Again leads to some good moments to show how the gang cares for each other but also cuts to Sanzang hoping that his friends come get him too. Kinda have a moment where the King thinks that once the pilgrims 'mourn' they will leave but they don't know about the 6 phase of grief REVENGE! Of course, all three of them try to kill the King for Sanzang but instead, this leads to the gang just being overjoyed that Sanzang is not dead. Also Wukong still 100% wanting to kill this leopard demon for tricking him.

Prefect of Phoenix-Immortal - 12th Year. This was a kinda a more dramatic arc where a kingdom insults the good on accident and how they are punished with drought. I am taking a lot from the 1987 series in how Wukong was insulted on behalf of the people, seeing that their punishment was unfit for the crime, and how his empathy has been able to grow for him to become seen as a hero for the people. Also would love to see how Wujing really related to the people and how his own punishment left him uncertain and insecure over himself but how he was able to overcome these challenges despite what he has become.

Tawny Lion Demon 黃獅精 and Grand Saint of Nine Spirits 九靈元聖 - 12.5 Year. This one was the most interesting as this wasn't one where Sanzang gets kidnapped but rather the weapons were taken. I would change that the lions don't have to die but rather more of a comedy arc of the Nine Spirits trying to ground up his grandkids when he had a good relationship with the neighboring kingdom. This is a good example of yao and humans able to live in together without conflict and how Nine Spirits fears that his grandkids have ruined this peace. And of course, Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing use silly stunts to try to get their shit back. Also touching more on the pilgrim's own disciples the three princes and maybe even giving them names. I would just like to think that these three princes do always keep their teachings to heart.

King of Cold Protection 辟寒大王, King of Heat Protection 辟暑大王, and King of Dust Protection辟塵大王 - 13th Year. This one is something where I would LOVE Sanzang just being done with being kidnapped. Like he is not phased. He even warns the three to let him go because it as been 14 years and he really doesn't want to end this with these poor guys getting their butts whooped by his overpowering disciples. Kinda comedy but really would enjoy a good battle three on three again.

Jade Rabbit 玉兔精 - 13.5 Year. this one plays more on the 1999 series where the Rabbit is clear she wants to do this cause she hates the real Princess. It is actually nothing personal against Sanzang but just HE HAPPENS to be the one she chooses to marry. More of a mystery of where the real princess is but the gang finds her to get the Jade Rabbit arrested and Sanzang can get free of a forced marriage again.

Squire Kou - 14th Year. This one I think is the perfect arc to really end on, paralleling the first 6 bandits that Wukong fought. He could have killed the family that imprisoned them, but instead, he uses his power to freeze the bandits, get them back, convince the family that their relative's ghost is haunting them, go to Hell to get his spirit back and save the day with hurting a single human. He does an entire arc using his varieties of powers, wit, and intelligence to get out of this, a vast difference from the pure fighting warlord he used to be. I think this would be an arc heavy in symbolism and references to the first bandits they fought and Sanang SEEING the change in Wukong.

Great White Turtle 大白龜 - Of course, they make it to the end but of course, there is one last thing. I think Sanzang lost his cool and had his own breakdown at 'ruining' the scriptures something he spent so long to get but the gang trying to tell him that people make mistakes and that doesn't define them. And that maybe an imperfect world needs imperfect scriptures more than perfect ones because people need to doubt and learn for themselves. Just like Sanzang did. In the end Xiyouji is a story of hope and I think that Sanzang sees that even if things ain't perfect that doesn't make them any less valuable or wonderful and how that sentiment is seen with the new family he has found.

[seancekitsch]

The Sword and the Quill: Chapter Three

Pairing: Gwayne Hightower x Reader

In the weeks leading up to little Daeron's departure to Oldtown, Queen Alicent finds herself trying to entertain the unmarried ladies of court. As one of her ladies in waiting, you agree to an anonymous penpal in one of the men at court, and end up spilling your heart to him. He is your perfect match, your equal. The only issue? The Queen's brother Gwayne Hightower will not stop teasing you as you try to uncover who responds to your letters.

My Daring Unfamiliar,

Quite coy of me to evade you? And what of your clever ways of evading me? I find myself no closer to figuring out your identity, though I feel more drawn to you than before. I too am glad you are not betrothed, as a vibrant woman such as yourself you should not find yourself shackled to one of the stuffy men of King’s Landing probably twice your age. It does seem to be their proclivity, as loathsome as it is. I am glad for your friendship, even if I do not know who you are. Even if I feel I will waste away and die without knowing who you are. To think, am I on your list? Are you on mine? I will admit I have my list narrowed down to six women, those that I think daring and smart enough to be you. Perhaps after this letter I will narrow it down even farther. I find I will be searching for your frazzled hair and short temper now that I know what to look for in this humidity. Of course I only jest. I am certain that what you think is unkempt is only marred because one is always critical of the face in the mirror, I am certain such wit and a sharp mind is accompanied by beauty to match.

How is it that a lady of noble birth would ever want to visit a place like Lys? Do you not know of its reputation? Of the pleasure gardens and pillow houses? Of the pirates that lurk there from the triarchy? I have not been there myself, but I do have a few of their coin, of which were taken off of a triarchy pirate. A gift, for you, is one of them I have sealed with this letter. You are an even bigger mystery to me now, knowing that a place such as Lys piques your interest so. But to answer your other questions, I have been to Dorne and Oldtown. Dorne is interesting, some parts a vast desert and others a beautiful oasis. Their wines and silks are the loveliest in all of Westeros, their people far less concerned with the pretenses that we are. Can you believe that I was asked to dance with a man’s wife openly? Such things could never occur here, although I will say that I did very much enjoy that everyone spoke plainly of their intentions and emotions. It was freeing to have that, and the courts proved all too constricting to me every day after. These letters to you are the closest I have had to that feeling since my travel there, and I appreciate you doubly for it. I am glad that I have found someone that I may converse openly with, ignoring status or titles or circumstances.

I will also say that the Queen is correct, Oldtown is maybe the most beautiful city in the kingdoms united. There is nothing more lush than its gardens, more splendid than its chateaus filled with artifacts and scrolls dating back to the conqueror, nothing more breathtaking than the flame at the top of the citadel.

I fear that you will find me boring, if I now admit my love of tourneys. I find the spectacle magnificent, and the skill and prowess on display to be a display of the strength of our shared kingdoms and crown. Perhaps I will find you and make it all the less boring for you. I do hope that my eyes will find yours amidst the crowd, and your countenance will make itself known to me immediately through some supernatural knowing. I will be searching for you in every row of the stands, praying to the seven that it will be easy. More importantly, tell me your favorite song, and I shall learn to play it for you. Or even, you may tell me your favorite poem and I shall transcribe it to song for you, a new creation of art for my Unfamiliar.

I do hope that I have discovered you by the next feast, so that I can ask you to dance properly, and that we may converse without the guise of the quills. So that I may grasp your hand to know that you are real. I assure you that I will be a spoiled man if I am to watch you dance circles around me, and a man utterly ruined if I get to steal more than one dance.

Your letters have cooled a part of me too warm, warmed a part of me too cool.

Truly,

Your Unfamiliar.

You look down at the golden ribbon tied into your sleeves for the day, your mind thinking only of the fact that he had underlined Your in his signing off. He considers himself yours. More, you think of the Lyseni coin that he had tucked into the parchment, a golden oval with the portrait of a naked woman engraved into it. An obscene gift for a lady of the court, but one you cherish because it is from your unfamiliar. Yours yours yours. It now lies in your jewelry box, a dingy coin amongst your finest of necklaces and rings. You have narrowed your list down. It is for certain not Darklyn or Beesbury. The names left are Lord Rowan, Ser Loras Florent, Ser Gwayne Hightower. You have picked out these ribbons for Lord Rowan, as a subtle sign of acknowledgment of his house colors, strikingly different from your own. You do not exactly wish it to be any of the men on your list, however. Lord Rowan is a complete stranger to you, Ser Loras you know to frequent married women’s beds, and Ser Gwayne… infuriates you. All of these men handsome and on parchment suitable matches, yet picturing any of them on the other side of the quill feels wrong. So you are hedging your bets in the days leading up to the tourney by attempting to garner the attention of the complete stranger. Maybe he is well traveled and sharp and charming like your unfamiliar.

Although you admit, the first day you did not see Lord Rowan anywhere within the Red Keep. Nor the day after that or yesterday. And now, the morning of the tourney, you hope that whatever hole he has crawled into he has emerged from so you can look into his eyes and figure out if he is yours. It’s silly, to think that you could tell, but maybe you can? Maybe this is like one of the fairytales you were told when you were young.

Only, it’s not Lord Rowan that you find in the hallways.

“Oh, please don’t tell me this is a new look for you,” Gwayne’s voice calls from the other end of the hall. How is it that the Red Keep is so large, yet Gwayne Hightower is inescapable?

“And if it is?” you call back. Gwayne closes the distance between you, his armor clanking the entire time. He is dressed and ready for his tilt in the tourney already.

“I’d say Lord Rowan is remiss for ignoring your efforts, but I’d also say you are wasting your time,” Gwayne smiles widely. He knows something. Your fingers start to fiddle with one of the ribbons, knowing you could easily pull them all out. It’s horrible, that for as rude you and Gwayne may be to each other sometimes, you can see that he’s not trying to humiliate you right now.

“Why?” you ask, pouting in frustration.

“Because he found out that he’s been writing to Lady Caswell, and now they are courting.”

Oh. That is a very good reason, indeed. You yank at the ribbon you’d been toying with, then the next one and the next one until your hands are full of the little ribbons, and hastily you look for somewhere to toss them, but there is none.

“Thank you for informing me,” you say, trying to steady your voice as much as possible.

“It seems you are no closer to finding out who writes you than I am.”

“I keep a list of his qualities to try to narrow it down.”

“As do I with my lady.”

“May I see your list?”

“Would you tell me who is on your list, if I did?”

“No.”

“Then my answer is the same.”

You are once again at an impasse with Gwayne Hightower, two immovable objects in the tide. 

“I hope you find your woman without the issue I face, I guess,” you offer, not exactly meaning it but not trying to be mean. If this is as trying for you, it has to be for every unwed person in the castle too. As much as your love for the Hightower family finds its limits at the brother, you still wish to carry on the tenants of this experiment for at least your friend.

“Then I shall see upon you at the tourney,” Gwayne says, and then tilts his head “Though I rather see you in different colors.”

“And what colors would you wish?” you ask, though you regret the words as they die on your tongue. He looks you up and down, and then scoffs.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Hours later, at the tourney, you are sat three seats away from Queen Alicent Hightower. You are dressed in the deep burgundy and blue color of your house and idly snapping your fingers closed on each of the elder Targaryen children’s hands; your fake predator of a hand keeping little Aegon, Aemond, and Helaena preoccupied for now. You wish that games like these could entertain you equally, but instead all runs through your mind is your Unfamiliar. Is he here, indeed? You hate that you have to be here, but yet you find your head almost whipping around in search. You told your Unfamiliar that you’d be searching for him; and you are. But with every turn of your head you seem to recognize and be bored of everyone. Bringing a favor to this event even feels silly at this point. You do not feel the spark you had hoped for. In fact, nothing draws anything besides boredom from you until late in the day.  

That is when Gwayne Hightower atop a horse galavants across the royal box and back again. Despite your ebbing annoyance from him earlier, you find yourself tensing in your seat. If not on your own, then on his sister’s behalf. You remember what she told you about the last tourney that Gwayne had attended in King’s Landing. To be almost killed by Daemon Targaryen himself, maybe the only person in all of Westeros you found truly and deeply loathsome and terrifying, is a memory that clearly stains the Queen’s outlook on this tourney. You tense and worry and stop your little game with the children in rapt attention, for her. 

His armor glimmers in the sunlight, blight enough to blind. His smile, though obscured by the helm, is similarly blinding. You’re certain he remembers his brush with death at the hands of the Rogue Prince, but his demeanor would say otherwise. He is the definition of confident bravado. This man looks foreign to the uncertain and studious man you spoke with the other day in the library. 

Lord Manderly has his horse trot and dance as he crosses the pitch, not yet a knight but clearly already presenting the same qualities as any of the rest of them. Soon, you are certain, he will be laughing and chasing women around with the rest of them. The northern stoicism does not seem to carry to this man, as he laughs and points into the crowd, at friends and serving people and women he may ask for favor. 

Both men cross back and forth, searching the crowds, their jousting lances upturned to the heavens as they circle, the crowd growing ever the more excited. 

You clutch your favor, unwilling to let it leave your grasp as a pit forms in your stomach every time Gwayne passes by the royal box. You look down the row of chairs to Alicent, who is already looking at you; her hands frustratedly pick at one another, her nails already rimmed with crimson. You offer her a weak smile, hoping it is enough to reassure her as the thought dawns on you: she has not seen her brother fight since that day. Sparring and training were nothing like this. And though Lord Manderly is no Daemon Targaryen, Alicent is really and truly afraid. You reach your free hand over the children’s heads, and her fingertips copy the gesture to brush against yours, your comfort not lost on her. It is moments like this where you feel truly wanted and needed here, and you could not imagine yourself traveling anywhere else. The love and friendship of the queen is almost enough. 

But her eyes snap away from your gaze, and your attention follows. 

There, resting at the railing, is Ser Gwayne Hightower’s jousting lance pointed at you. 

Shit.

Does he mean to humiliate you? A jape for your attitude towards him earlier? A way to twist and soil your efforts to find your letter writer?

You grimace at him, unsure of what to say as little Aegon fiddles with one of the ribbons on your favor. 

“My Lady, may your favor give me some of that fiery personality of yours. Perhaps your boldness will inspire the courage to win,” His smile is wide as he talks, as if he is holding back a laugh. You wish to snarl at him, hurl insult after insult, but his sister watches with rapt attention. 

“Perhaps you are already too bold, Ser,” you retort, but Aegon tugs harder on your favor. 

“My Lady, I will name you Queen of Love and Beauty if I win,” he presses, eyes darting to his sister before back to yours. It feels conspiratorial. 

“You wish me to have a line of suitors? How kind, Ser Gwayne.”

“I wish to repay a favor you’ve given me,” he explains, and begrudgingly you pull the favor from the little prince’s grasp to wrap it around the lance, the wine red and blue ribbons with embroidered grape leaves easily sliding down to where the base flares out, cementing itself on his weapon. The entire act feels intimate and strange, your handmade favor never having been given, and your eyes never truly meeting his for this long at once. Even from a distance, you can see the shining hazel. 

“You’d better win, I worked hard on that embroidery,” is all you offer, but anything else would feel far too tender, far too genial for the tense at best relationship between you. 

With that, Gwayne winks at you and has his horse trot off, proudly lifting his lance with your favor up to the entire crowd. The pit in your stomach deepens, realizing that if your Unfamiliar is truly here today, you now appear unavailable to him all because of Gwayne Hightower. You could hate him for this. 

But all you can do is sigh as you lean back into your chair, now completely ruined for the entire event. You chew your bottom lip as the dread settles in you, your hopes for the day dashed and taken away by your dearest friend’s brother. 

“Why do you look sour?” Aegon, who now has nothing to keep him idle, asks, “I’d name you Love and Beauty too.”

You roll your eyes as you give the prince a cheeky smile.

“I’m too old for you, little princeling. Move along.”

He sneers at you, but there’s no malice in the little boys face, and he turns back to his siblings to talk to them. Alicent looks over their heads at you, a curious and accusatory look on her face. You’d called her brother a brute, a ruffian, every rude name in the book but here you were giving him your favor with little protest as he talks of naming you Queen of Love and Beauty. Surely, she knows of her brother’s reputation, but you are the big question mark in this situation. 

“When did your loathing of my brother subside?” She asks, finally no longer picking at her hands as this now occupies her. 

“It did not,” you explain, “I merely helped him find a book the other day. He thinks this will repay me for my efforts.”

Alicent’s lips turn upward, a ghost of a laugh in the form of a sigh leaves her. She shakes her head, and finally her gaze breaks yours, casting her eyes to her brother on the field below. 

“Whatever he was looking for must have been very important,” The Queen mutters, and that ends the conversation. 

Gwayne and Lord Manderly line up, opposite sides of their tilt barrier on opposite sides of the list. Otto Hightower speaks, as Viserys’ voice does not find him lately. The King is weakening, today a rare public outing. You are certain that sooner rather than later, Alicent will take the reins and you will be her unofficial hand. 

“Let the final tilt begin!”

Needing no further encouragement, the men urge their horses forward, lances tilted forward and favors blowing in the wind. Gwayne’s lance finds purchase, easily shattering the wooden shield of Lord Manderly, the force of it pushing the northern lord backwards off his horse. However, this is the gruesome part. The moment Lord Manderly hits the ground, a squire brings forth his sword. Gwayne slows his horse, and jumps from the saddle with ease. He passes his shield and lance to his own squire, and reaches for his own sword. The two men run towards each other and finally you find yourself cringing in your seat. The memories of the Hightower Knight covered in blood flash through your mind as if they were yesterday. You grab the material of your skirt, white-knuckling the fabric to the point that you’re certain you’re ruining it.

You worry for Alicent, worry for the outcome of the tourney, worry for the fate of the favor you spent time making, and finally you let yourself admit that you do indeed worry for Gwayne Hightower. As much as he vexes you, you do not want him harmed. Being pompous is not a crime punishable by cracked ribs or bloodied eyes. Damning yourself and your superstitions, you allow yourself to pretend that your favor grants him some kind of protection spell. 

Gwayne’s sword clashes loudly against Lord Manderly’s, sparks flying as metals meet. He dodges and parries easily, and it becomes clear to you that he is the stronger fighter. It calms you, but only slightly. One wrong move could still give Manderly an advantage. But he disarms Manderly at the last moment, the sword flying through the air as Gwayne kicks the man down, his own blade pointed towards the mans face. 

He wins. Gwayne wins. 

You let out a breath, loud and relieved, no longer really caring about your appearances. Alicent too, untended her shoulders, and ushers for wine to be brought from your serving girl. The girls pour into both of your goblets seconds later, and both of you drink deeply. You look over to Alicent, whose other hand holds her seven pointed star in silent prayer, a torn up thumb rubbing meaningful circles across the points. 

“This fear does not become thee,” you remark playfully, smiling at her, “He is fine, you may celebrate.”

“And you may…” but her words die on her lips, now forming into a bigger smile than before as her attention drifts from you. Gwayne rides towards your box, lance back in hand as well as a crown of flowers.

He stops just ahead of you, his horse’s shoulder just against the box. You rise, and lean over to the edge of the railing, to the winning knight. 

“I chose the flowers, I do hope they bring joy to you even if I may not,” he tells you, and you cannot sense a jape in his voice. 

“Thank you, Ser Gwayne, I will wear them with honor,” you tell him, and duck your head down so he may place the ring of flowers, with a trail of flowers downward in the back, onto your head gracefully. His fingers, though gloved, are gentle against your head, his touch soft and careful. 

You rise up, the smile on your face not exactly facetious. As a child you did once dream of this very thing; maybe with a different circumstance, but you did wish this. That is, before you knew how much you disliked tourneys in practice. 

“My Queen of Love and Beauty!” He cries out, and the entire stadium cheers. 

It’s hours later that you finally get to return to your chambers and remove the crown to inspect it further. The ring itself is Mountain Larkspur, a fully poisonous plant. The thought makes you laugh, that Gwayne would pick such a toxic bloom for his Queen of Love and Beauty. But it is to be said that the Larkspur signify lightheartedness, humor, and an open heart. The trail of flowers that rested on the back of your head are Grape Hyacinths, which based on your family, should be a compliment to their legacy. But these flowers signify sincerity, and you’ve been to enough weddings to recognize them. They are more a mauve than a blue like the Larkspur, and those wealthy in the knowledge of bouquet language would know that they symbolize a desire for forgiveness. 

Curious, you think, that Gwayne would go out of his way to mention that he had chosen these flowers. Were they truly and truce between you? Was he trying to tell you something without saying it?

You push through thoughts from your mind, deciding not to dwell on them, lest they give you a headache. 

The quill in your hand touches the paper, releases, touches again. 

It’s quickly that you realize you will not get any writing done, even here at your library desk. You sigh as you push yourself up from your chair, hastily packing everything into your bag as if it pains you to do so. 

It is quick, the trip back to your chambers to change into your simplest dress and cloak, and back out into the hallways, and into the labyrinth of Maegor’s tunnels you had found years ago when Aemond was still just a wish. You pull the cloak closer to you by the strap of your bag, wrapping yourself in a bundle by candlelight as you walk the barely worn path, your candle the only light as you navigate past each stone. It took turning and and faith to get you towards the edge, and for the last twenty feet you blew out the candle for fear of getting caught, but finally the moonlight would hit your face. The tunnels set you out at a district of King’s Landing littered with taverns and food stalls. The food stalls you never saw, for you only come here when you need to write and use some ale in your belly to make the words move more easily. Sure, you could ask a serving girl to fetch you a flagon, but for some reason that did not work the way that writing in a dingy corner with the smallfolk does. Perhaps it is their songs, their open way of speaking, their camaraderie that inspires and spurs you on. 

You enter The Roost, the favorite of these taverns for you. 

“Girlie!” the barkeep calls as you enter, and you shush him as you rush towards the bar to order. As far as the owners of this tavern know, you are a well paying woman attempting to cover up an affair. While they are discreet, they do not hide their fondness of you or your coin. 

“Keep the ale flowing,” you tell the burly man, fatherly and kind, “I’ll be at my back booth.”

“Will do, girlie,” he responds, and you move to the other room behind the bar, a room with two long tables and six small alcoves each dotted with wooden half circle booths. The tavern is busy, but you move through the crowd deftly, easily reaching your little bench and placing your belonging down. You settle in easily, your parchments and your quill and ink easily spread out across the table and one of the barmaids brings you a large flagon of ale. 

You tip the rim of the drink into your lips and drink heartily, careful not to tip your head back too far or else your hood will tip off from your hair and expose you. 

Your quill hits the parchment more easily now. 

My Dearest Unfamiliar,

How dramatic! To think that you will die if you do not know my identity. Though I will not ease your pain, I will give no name in this letter. I find myself narrowing the list of who you may be: an unmarried man, a sensitive yet playful man, well traveled and well read, the best of all things. With words that compliment me, flattery flushing my own face as I read your letters. There are far and few men in the Red Keep that match that distraction. There are three men now on my list after this tourney, and I do hope that I have determined you right. Are you searching for a wife from these letters, I wonder? an a man not yet betrothed, it cannot be distant from your mind. I will have you know that I did not see you during the tourney, or at least I do not think I did. I tried hard to look for you, I looked at every man, but I was not sure what countenance to look for. I will say myself, I am not certain I want a courtship from this, but I do find myself more interested in the idea and the affection that comes from it with each of your letters. You are warming a heart usually icy, My Unfamiliar. Is it too forward to say that when and if I find your identity, I wish to kiss you? It will not be my first kiss, I admit, but I would want to bestow one upon you. Even if you did not want to court me, if only just to thank you for being a just and honest companion for me. I am not saying that I am hoping, but I am hopeful.

I will have you know, My Unfamiliar, that I have read A Caution for Young Girls by the Corinne Wylde, and read it well. The legends of Lys will not make me balk or shy away. I am, as I have said, interested in seeing the world warts and all. I want to see everything that the world can show me. I will say, I do appreciate your gift of the Lysine coin. It is exhilarating to hold something of value to a life so far from my own, to treasure it as if I would a jewel.

Would that I should thrive in a place like Dorne? To speak freely and open tongued. You make it sound such a lively place compared to this. How I wish to experience their wines in a setting where I can speak like the Dornish. Perhaps though, and most likely, if I may be granted leave from court, I will see how grand and lovely Oldtown is. I would love to spend an afternoon perusing the scrolls or reading inscriptions on artifacts just as much as I would enjoy any grand view or adventure.

I will tell you that I do not find you boring for enjoying tourneys, especially because I did not find myself as bored as usual at this one. Though I will say my amusement came from looking for you, I guess I can admire what a tourney is supposed to represent.I am saddened, though, that I could not recognize you immediately. I was hoping some sort of spell could overtake me and cast mine eyes only to yours. I however, just saw many faces in the crowd, and narrowed my list no further.

I find though, that I would appreciate any piece of art you would offer. I am a lover of the arts and a purveyor of understanding them. Jenny of Oldstones is a song I find myself drifting towards often, the lyrics catching me. How beautiful, a woman dancing with the ghosts of the past? How often do we all do the same? Is our love fated by stars, written into the histories? Or is love as fleeting as a ghost on the wind?

For the next feast, I shall try to come up with some coded word. Something we shall say to each other so we will know who we are. I fear giving a dance to just anyone, lest they try to court me and take me away from whatever is between us.

Yours as well;

Your Unfamiliar

The letter is, plainly, too forward. You do not care, though, as you finish off your ale and motion for another one. It’s only now that you look upon the tavern’s rooms, surveying the guests and all their revelry. Your eyes scan, casual and unassuming, until you fall upon a crop of auburn hair. Could it be? You look the the hazel eyes attached, surely, it’s him. But is it? No, it cannot be. The man makes no move towards you, no stern recognition in his gaze, just a simple gaze upon you as you stare back. And the spell is broken as another ale is set before you.

It cannot be him, you think to yourself.

[keelt9]

Chapter 11

Masterlist

“Can you please stop looking at me like that?” I feel Lewis eyes on me as he’s in his final touches of putting on his race suit.

Lewis scoff putting his helmet on. “Those clothes cause me shivers.” 

For three days I’ve been wearing Max’s hoodies feeling proud of myself for everytime we cross on the paddock and I get to steal a big smile and red cheeks.

“Goodness gracious, get inside of your car please.” Bono laughs walking to his place giving me a thumbs up and Rosa nods her head. “Drive safe.”

Lewis laughs while walking, but stops abruptly. “Go.” I narrow my eyes. “Go to energy drinks.” 

He didn’t have to tell me twice for I practically ran. “DON’T RUN!” I heard him saying as I switched my passes, I put under the hoodie the Mercedes pass and took out the RB pass. “Just for the qualy!”

It’s the last thing I heard as I turned around and stopped hearing him at all.

I stand outside of the RB building, seeing my watch along with the strong sounds of the engines of the cars. Second time for a surprise?

I’ll wait until I hear the grating noise of 20 cars and screams of the people, the qualy begins.

I barely reached the back door of the Red Bull garage when I found one of the girls on the PR team of Red Bull.

“Hi, Miss. Hamilton, right?” I smile because it’s kind of unusual for someone to call me Miss.

“Y/N.” She smiles, when her eyes recognize the pass of Red Bull. 

“Oh my, no one told us you’ll be with us.” Apparently that's all I need to do because she started typing right away on her phone. “Come in. You should have done it before!”

“Oh, I…” Another girl and a boy found us in the entrance, confused as me.

The other girl smiles at me. “You're coming for Max, right?” Two pairs of eyes turn to her. “She’s wearing a hoodie with a lion in the middle, God!”

The heat on my face made them smile, but they kept it professional, guiding me through the Red Bull garage; when I crossed my path with Jo, he opened his eyes and his mouth speechless.

“You’ll be able to see and hear everything from here.” She gives me headphones and helps to put it on, my lack of use of one arm made simple things  really complicated. “There you go.”

“Thanks, amm…” The girl smiles realizing she didn’t even tell me her name.

“Oh, Diana.” Her smile told me she knows more than I could expect, it won’t take too much for her excitement to betray her. “Max will be moved when he finds out.”

To be honest, I feel nervous in a good way.

The qualy turned out great for Red Bull, 1-2, the excitement in the garage and the clapping with compliments confirms it. 

For my health and avoiding a Lewis heart attack, I remain inside of the garage, a bad hit and more than him will have it. 

My phone started to buzz; at the beginning I thought it would be a phone call but when I saw it, there were endless notifications. Red Bull accounts took a picture of me seeing the qualy with the teasing description of…

<Who is there? 👀> Tagging Mercedes too.

The comment section turns out crazy, a lot of theories appear in less than 5 minutes, most accredit of the good relationship of my brother and Checo still the other half of them already commenting about how “cute couple Max and Y/N  could be.”

Checo came out first from the interviews, apparently taking him the time of walking from that spot until the garage for he knows something.

He found me right away on Max's side. 

“It's too early to cause excitement in people.” He said as he hugged me. “Max could faint…and I believe that's impossible.”

He said walking to his side with a mischievous smile on his face.

I keep playing with my fingers waiting for Max, adrenaline running all over my body.

Something pops up in my mind, I walk to the back of the place where he puts all his stuff, hiding behind the wall.

I heard the fuss of Max coming in, covering my mouth, one of his mechanics saw me but I made a sign of him keeping quiet, I didn't know even if he was laughing at me or with me.

“She's gone.” The frustration of Max is audible.

Diana walks with her cellphone in her hands, to the spot where the mechanic was. “I thought she…” She saw me as I asked the same silence. “She must have things to do. Let's go Max, you have a few things to do.”

I heard him breathing out walking, Diana gives me thumbs up when the cameras won't be able to see us. 

“Boo!” I jump, putting my around his neck in a big hug; Max jumps a little and takes a few seconds for he realized it is actually me.

“You're here.” Max whispered, hiding his face on my neck, both of his arms pulling closer around my waist.

I hiss for the pressure on my arm. “Fuck, sorry, sorry, are you ok?” He asked, split apart looking at my arm.

“For now, this is way too tight to my arm.” I smile at him, when he lifts his eyes I see a sparking blue. 

“Max, sorry, we actually have to go.” Diana said to Max with an apologetic face. 

Max looks at her then at me, I point in Diana’s direction. “Go.” 

Max shutter, we both know there are long hours ahead. 

“I’ll be here.” Max smiles bigger this time. “Go.” I softly push him as he keeps holding my pinky finger until the length of his arm lets him. 

I chuckle feeling a lot of eyes on me, feeling shy of course, but kind of proud, after all I have his eyes on me, and that’s all it matters.

“What are you doing to him?” His main engineer, GP, appears next to me, like Bono, with a bunch of papers and headphones on his neck. “See, he’s walking with a smile to the press conference.”

He didn’t even give me a chance to answer, just kept walking away. As one of the girls told me I would be more comfortable in Max’s room, she offered to take me there with a smile.

As I wait for him I saw the endless tags and comments on the photo of Red Bull, a lot of them give credit my presence to invitation of Checo claiming after all, my brother and him have been racing together for long time; other saying it’s almost impossible put aside the fact for three days I been wearing Max’s clothesline, something more has to be going on there. 

Even I received a text from Rosa and Lewis, I quote. <Let them played a little bit more.>

I let my phone aside, giggling about how many theories could come for just one photo. I see the table where Max has his stuff, an idea appears in my mind. 

I was behind the door when this opened up without a warning hitting my back with the latch. 

Max appears cursing one more time. “Auch, if I knew you'd be trying to leave a bruise on me I would think twice before running here.”

He giggles closing the door, no one else with him. “Sorry, sorry… Did you say running?” I open and close my mouth a couple of times before finding an answer.

“It’s in a figurative way.” Max nods but his smile almost reaches his eyes. 

“Sure.” Instinctively his hands go to my waist softly pulling me closer, resting his forehead on mine, breathing in slowly. “Thanks for being here.” 

I smile, closing my eyes, loving this peace. “I heard from the beginning of Q1.” I opened my eyes and found him staring at me. “That’s unexpected.”

I don’t have any words, any thought more than the realization that all my walls are already crumbling.

“You better savor it because I’m afraid tomorrow I won’t be here.” He raised his eyebrow. “Did someone tell you about the big buzz from a photo? I bet Lewis is going insane.”

Max chuckles. “Yeah, Checo is already bragging about what most of the people think it’s for him.” He splits not taking his hand off my waist, but his jaw is tense.

I couldn't avoid teasing him. “Yes, I mean, it’s good, right?” His eyes turn wide open in disbelief. “You must be focused on the race.”

“What?” I laughed pulling him closer just when he was about to take his hands out of me. 

“I’m joking, I’m joking.” Max tries to put on a serious face. “I’m playing with you. Come on Max! I've been literally appearing around the paddock with you on me.” I point to the lion on the blue hoodie. “Let’s be calm, ok?” 

The idea of going slow it’s not one of his favorites, I already knew that. 

“After all, we are just getting closer to each other.” This time he actually laughs but he couldn’t get me this time when I split because the knock on the door and my phone buzzing at the same time distract us.

Lewis called me saying it's time to go for now and until something comes out from our first, we better take things calmly, like Mika says, baby steps.

After Max finished talking I said goodbye. “I must go, I'll see you later, ok?” I smile at him kissing his cheek; Max nods, kissing my cheek back.

“Take care.” I nod before walking outside of the room.

On my way to the parking lot, I found Lewis, sunglasses on but fighting to keep hiding a smile.

In the car Rosa didn't contain it. “So, you've been having fun all these time, huh?” She smiles at me pointing at Lewis. “Besides other people, I kind of fancy this.”

I scoff putting my sunglasses on. “Still, let’s take things slowly, ok?”

I nod seeing Lewis grab my hand, he’s deep inside supporting me.

Race day I follow Rosa's instructions, most of them. I arrived with Lewis, stayed all the time in Mercedes hospitality; by the time the race was about to start the social accounts dropped an image of both Mercedes cars and me in the background with the description.

<Let them taunt. 😎>

As the cars left the garage, Lewis thumbs up, couldn't miss, making me smile. “Drive safe.”

“So.” Rosa appears taking her headphones on her neck. “Can I?”

She pointed to my sling. “One of the guys who already had a fractured arm told me this must be a little bit high.”

I see my arm, she's right, the 90° on the elbow isn't there. She helps me to put it properly, raising my arm a little bit more and tight the sling.

“Who helps you to dress this morning?” She didn't even look at me and I already choked, making her giggle. “This isn't here yesterday.”

I have a hanky around my wrist, which helps because the friction on that part of my hand is already leaving a small bruise.

“No one.” Rosa smiles but I know her, she won't let go of this easily. “How do you know?”

Max found my note at night, in which I wish him a good race even though I know he won't need it, and ask him to please find me after the race.

He said he couldn't wait and came to my room where we have dinner and talked until he knew he must go to sleep. In a useless attempt to make him leave my room he quickly convinced me to stay, he said I wouldn't even notice when he left earlier in the morning.

At 6 am, I found him deep asleep, my broken arms on his chest and the grip of his hand softly on mine, breathing in so peacefully.

He goes to his room just for his clothes to change and helps me to put the sling on, insisting on putting the hanky when he sees the bruise on my fingers; after he leaves, his team finds him in his room.

“It's amazing to see those sparkling eyes on you.” Rosa smiles, grabbing my face. “But I have work to do, see you later ok?”

The race didn't have any change in the front places, Lewis got to be in fifth place with a good defense against Sainz.

He smiled when saw me standing in the garage. “Hi there, I thought you were already with Max.” He gives his helmet to his team.

“I wanted but if I came back with a bad hit on my arm, this time Mika could make the doctor send me a full rest.” Lewis laughs nodding.

“Without a question. And we have a big meeting next week.” I nod hearing the shouts and screaming two garages away. 

“I'll congratulate him later.” Lewis tosses my hair with a proud smile on his face. “It's not like I've already texted him.”

“All good until those last words.” He complains walking with me to the back of the garage.

Max celebrated with his team and a couple of friends who came to Monza, even invited me, but I was tired and my arm was already sore, so I told him go and have fun, I'll see him in the morning.

That's what he did, around 5 am he knocked on my door.

I opened my eyes half close, he looked so fresh, probably drinking at night. “I didn't mean this hour in the morning.”

Max smiles walking inside, kissing my forehead. “I need, really need you to come with me.”

He grabs my hand pulling me to the bed where we sit as he waits for me to open my eyes. 

“Right now?” I stretch my legs, watching him smile. “Now, now?”

“Now, now, now.” Through the windows you can see full darkness, still I agree when I see him so excited. 

“Ok, I'll go change.” I stand but he grabs my hand, avoiding me to keep walking, I stare at him narrowing my eyes.

“You're beautiful.” His compliment takes me out of guard making me feel shy, my teasing attitude turns into a girl kicking her feet on the ground.

I scrunch my nose removing my hand from his. “EMILIAN!” I walk faster to the bathroom feeling my face burning and Max smiling on the bed.

He drove us to the autodrome, no one was near just security guards, it was a huge place for us.

His finger tingles on mine all the time, with a smirk on his face. 

“We’ll be in trouble.” I said as he walked inside of the paddock, today all the teams came to pack all their stuff.

“We won't.” He smiles at me. “I have contacts around here, you know?” 

I scoff, rolling my eyes. “I bet you do.” 

Max laughs softly, but all his body and face let you know he’s so excited about something.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asks and pulls me closer to him.

“How?” I move my shoulder trying to move the bands of the sling which is pressing too tight around my neck.

Max stops helping me to put them properly. “Narrow eyes, and a suspicious smile.” 

I giggle. “Well, you had an amazing weekend, but you, maybe I’m wrong, look more excited now than yesterday.”

“You’ll see.” 

We walked until we reached the track but he took a small shortcut to the left, the dark sky it’s painting with a navy blue now, the sun is about to come out.

Max greets the last security guard we find; a few stairs in front of us, make this more suspicious. We stopped in front of a black door, Max pointed to the door.

“Am, you know I am able to open these kinds of doors alone but…” I raise my broken arm. “Right now it’s really heavy for one arm.”

“Oh, shit, right, sorry.” Max chuckling as push the door for I get “in” 

“What makes you so cheerf…” The sky seems to be right in front of us until you get down your sight a little bit and see the empty seats of the auditorium. It takes one look at my right to realize where we are. “Bloody hell.” 

We’re in the podium, the three places still there and the big screen with three flags on it; in the middle the Dutch, if something could miss, in the highest place, the trophy and the cap of the winner is there.

Like a magnet I walk there fascinate for the view; I been multiple times in front of the podium because my brother, I never imagined I could be in the podium.

I mumbled a few words, unable to form a coherent word. “Whoa.” Max laughs due to my inability to speak and the thrilling emotions on my face. 

“Unbelievable, huh?” Max smirks, knowing I lose my words, I only nod enthusiastically. 

“Can I?” I point to the highest place, probably it’s a lifetime opportunity. 

Max extends his hand. “Please.”

I scream in silence standing on the top, it's higher than I expected, still the sensation up there is out of this world, like you’re the king.

Before I got down Max light on his face with an idea. “Before you get down, do me a favor?”

“You can take a photo of course.” I play with him, taking the cap and putting on my head making him smile.

“Ok, two favors.” I laughed seeing him taking out his phone and taking a few photos of me with the cap on, giggling. 

“I’ll look better with a “no- broken” arm, believe me.” The cap falls down when I lend it to take the trophy.

Inside of the cap there is a red piece of paper. “Hey, I think one of those red papers gets inside of your cap.”

Max grinds. “That’s my second favor.” I raise my eyebrow, as he gives me the cap one more time. “Can you read it?”

“What is between you and the small notes?” I smiled as I took the red paper and unfolded it.

>Girlfriend.

His messy writing related to his shaking hands because of the adrenaline, I see him with my soul melting on the ground. “Turn it around.”

>Be mine.

My smile grows bigger as I sit down, even sitting I barely reached the level of Max face. “You can say n…”

I pull him by his jacket, meeting our lips together in a velvety kiss, takes him a couple of seconds to come out his surprise, his shoulders raise and his hands lift suspended in the air.

When he does, he grabs my face softly deepening the kiss, like pieces of a puzzle our lips match perfectly.

I curse when the lack of air is making us split but even then he does it slowly.

He breathes slowly holding my face, looking me into my eyes and smiling.

“Too slow, now?” I give him a peck on his lips.

“Unbelievable.” He pulled my face closer, giving me another long kiss. “So?” 

I blink, confused. “So?”

Max holds me tight, both hands on my waist as he makes himself a space between my legs for being closer to me, biting his lip, he leans down, but he doesn't kiss me one more time, he takes the cap and puts it over my head one more time.

“Do you want to be mine…” He stops as a smile keeps growing big on my face and his blue eyes make me feel shy. “My girlfriend, I mean.”

I clear my throat trying to put myself together one more time. “You wake me up even when it is dark outside, drive us until here, literally help me to stand and kiss on the podium as if I'm the winner.” I look at his back, the sun starts to come up and the sky isn’t anymore dark blue, now a soft yellow and a lot of orange is clearly seen. 

But my eyes keep coming back to that dazzling blue in front of me. “With that view.” Max's face is now red. “There are a lot of reasons to say no.” 

He moves his eyes all over my face, a glimpse of fear. “I..”

“Still, I just need one to say yes.” I hold his arm tight. “You.” 

Max smiles and leans to finally kiss me one more time, however with the cap on, it’s kind of uncomfortable, I split taking off from my head and putting on him backwards. 

“So, so much better.” Max chuckled as I pulled him to kiss me one more time and he tightened his grip on my waist, feeling his smile on my face.

A little bit of speed wasn’t that risk after all.

[ohreprise]

I haven't lurked through the tag much and I don't know if this has been brought up. I've seen people being upset over the fact that Solas barely even acknowledges Lavellan during the final confrontation while breaking down once Mythal shows up.

My interpretation of it is simple, really. In Inquisition we learn that Solas' biggest fear is dying alone. In Veilguard, we reinforce the thought that he is a deeply conflicted man trapped in regret (figuratively and literally, seeing how he shapes his Fade-prison into a sort of wallow-in-your-mistakes torture lab, as depicted during Rook's Fade escape.)

In the end, he doesn't ignore Lavellan standing there. He doesn't turn his back on her, ready to leave, because she means nothing. He stubbornly believes, still, that he should be punished for what he's done.

By not anchoring himself to Lavellan, by turning away from her, he is condemning himself further because this is what he believes he deserves.

It's only after she drops to her knees and says she forgives him that he finally allows himself to accept the mercy of being tethered to another.

Before that, most befitting punishment he saw for himself was his biggest fear - being alone in the end of it all.