#even better: make them wear different hats depending on where you find them. re-use the hats for new player gear/re-use player gear from

[chromatophorium]

I'm kinda glad past won, in terms of what aesthetics we're going to get from the next game. The thing that made me choose team future in the end was its potential to be turned into a cool themed outfit for my player character, cuz there really isn't that much past/historic looking gear and weapons. Okay, there's some retro stuff and a handful of things that evoke feelings of times passed, but not enough so that I could find my favorite or things that worked well together.

There is so many opportunity for fun and stylish gear, weapons and architecture with a past aesthetic!

I doubt past winning will do too much.

Marie winning probably just would have swapped marie and callie, and the story would have been the same.

Order winning would have made the idols look different and maybe take place in a different setting, but alterna and the story would have been the exact same, maybe deep cut wouldnt have been bandits but unfortunately their story presence wasnt that much in the first place. Side order would have changed the most

Nintendo has been saying splatoon 3 is the end of a story arc. i HIGHLY doubt squid sisters are going to be central to another story because past won. they're not going to be the main idols again or whatever. i think we're gonna get some nice nostalgia themed stuff or maybe traditional architecture and clothing and that's about it.

I would love a story taking place in the great turf war though

[adhd-adept]

I have self diagnosed adhd and i was wondering if you could provide some advice regarding reading. I used to be able to just pick up a book and read when i was younger, but now that I'm older it's a bit difficult to just pick up a book and read for the sake of reading. I love reading, but i just can't seem to motivate myself to.

Any advice? I'd really love to get back into reading, but I'm trying to find a way to do it easier

Hello! I’m sorry this took me so long to answer, I’ve been mostly off Tumblr for a little while. I saw this some time ago at 3AM and thought “this deserves a more coherent response than I can give right now” and then forgot that this blog existed for several days.

That said, I absolutely have some advice for reading! I was a big reader as a kid, too, and I’ve recently had to re-discover reading after a long gap in any time spent sitting down with an honest-to-goodness book. There are a number of things you might consider!

DISTRACTIONS

First and foremost, recognize the reason it is difficult to read! For me, it is because reading isn’t the most interesting thing available. That doesn’t mean I don’t love reading! If I can manage to sit down and read a book, it is immensely satisfying - but it’s the satisfaction of the effort you put into something paying off. My favorite hobbies - drawing, writing, reading - are my favorite because of that sense of accomplishment that they give me. 

I love the feeling of holding a book and watching my bookmark move through the pages each time I set it down. However, it doesn’t give me the same instant gratification of reading wikipedia, or tvtropes, or scrolling Tumblr, or checking notifications on social media; even when I am unsatisfied, or even frustrated, with the internet, it can be very hard to put down. I know that people will tell you all the time “You need to put your phone down more!!” It gets old. But they have a point. What people don’t tell you is how to do that. 

For me, that tends to be about making it inconvenient for myself to get online, or do whatever is distracting me. This doesn’t necessarily mean making it completely unavailable. The distraction just needs to be less available than the task I want to do. I am the kind of person who gets online out of muscle memory, and then gets stuck there. Thus, many of my tricks rely on disrupting the muscle memory that lets you pick up distractions. I will put my laptop charger in another room, so that my screen time is limited to its battery life. I might tie a string around my laptop, or tape it closed, so when I go to open it I will be reminded “Oh yeah, I don’t want to do this right now.” I will occasionally rearrange the apps on my phone, so when I try to open Instagram and end up with the weather app instead, the thought of “wait, how did i get here” will snap me out of the thoughtless habits that led me to pick up my phone in the first place. I’ve even gone so far as to tape my phone to the ceiling. Whatever works.

If the weather permits, I might also walk a little ways down the block and find somewhere to sit and read. This can come with its own distractions, but it gets me away from my laptop, and I get a tiny bit more exercise and sunshine than I would have otherwise! This depends, of course, on whether you have transportation and whether you feel safe. But getting yourself out of the house can be a great way to get away from the things that would otherwise draw you away from reading. If you have a local cafe or library that permits you to sit and stay, those are also great options! I will bring my phone when I leave the house, but I might put it at the bottom of my bag, or put a bit of scotch tape over the power button, so that I have my phone in case of emergency but it’s just slightly inconvenient to get to without thinking about it.

It may not be the internet distracting you. But whatever the distraction is, it doesn’t need to be less compelling than reading. It just needs to be less readily available than your book is!

ENTHUSIASM

Another thing that prevents me from reading is that it often doesn’t have the same sense of urgency that other tasks might, whether that urgency is real or not. Give yourself a time limit! I may own books I haven’t read yet, but I will get to a book sooner if I have borrowed it from the library, because I know there is a deadline to return it! 

You can also get other people involved. If you have a friend who wants to read the same book, commit to a chapter or two a week and then call to discuss it. 

Or, if you have a friend who would be interested, and you are comfortable with your reading voice, you could read to someone! It might feel weird to offer, but you’d be surprised how many people really do enjoy being read to. If you both have time in your schedules, you could try to set up a regular call to get through a few chapters at a time. 

Generally, having a friend who likes the book is great for maintaining enthusiasm, even if they’re not reading it with you - I get to books faster if someone with similar taste says “This is one of my favorites! You would love it!” If you have a friend who has read the book you plan on reading, announce to them that you intend on reading it. Their enthusiasm might help you feel more compelled to read it, and there’s a good chance that if you don’t sit down and read it, they will remind you by asking “Have you read it yet? What do you think?” the next time you talk to them.

PREPARATION

Another great way to make reading easier is to set up a reading space beforehand. It’s one thing to pick up a book and say “I’ve been meaning to read this.” It’s another thing to put on some pajama pants, make a cup of tea, and curl a soft blanket around your shoulders before you settle down to read. For one thing, it’s just nice. But more importantly, it can function as a signal that tells your brain “it is Reading Time now. We are in the Reading Zone.”

Do you ever watch a TV show or listen to a podcast, and you let the theme song play on the first episode, and then skip it for the rest? Even if I’ve watched a show before, I will play the theme song on the first episode I watch that day. It’s the same principle - it serves as a transition, an intro that says “this is where I am now, and this is what I’m doing.” Give yourself an intro for reading! Have a certain spot that you like to sit when you read. Have a certain snack you eat beforehand.

I have all kinds of tasks with little “rituals” before them that help me focus on that task, or certain items that I interact with which I associate with it. I call them “declarations of intent,” and once I’ve made a declaration it’s easier to commit to it. Sometimes that means simply saying out loud, “I am going to do the laundry now.” Sometimes it means I wear a certain shirt if I’m planning to go for a walk that day, or drink from a certain mug at breakfast if I want to get some homework done. I have a specific hat that I put on when I want to write a certain character. Try to find something you can do to act as a cue that says “When I do this, then I will read a book.” Because of this, it can help to really lean into whatever the “aesthetic” of reading is, in your mind. Embrace a reading atmosphere!

It may also help to recognize that reading is something you can work your way up to! There is no shame in being out of practice with a hobby. I took my reading proficiency for granted for a long time because it was just a part of my life. It may help to think of reading as a skill! Start with something smaller and work your way up. Pick up a book of short stories or folktales before you tackle that six-book series you’ve heard good things about! Set achievable goals for yourself when you’re setting out. An early success can make a huge difference to morale, and it’s much better to start “too easy” and accomplish something than to jump in at the deep end and be frustrated by an early setback.

FORGIVENESS

On the topic of working your way up to things, I would like to say a word about mindset. It is easy to feel self-critical about things. Things that you think should come more easily to you. Things that you feel like you have no reason not to be able to do. One of the biggest things I’ve done for my ADHD is recognizing that there is always a reason why I behave a certain way. Accepting that allows me to actually address my struggles, rather than just feeling ashamed of them. I’ve had to accept that I won’t always do things that I set out to do the way I set out to do them.

I bring this up because not all of my advice here may work for you. In fact, some of it doesn’t work for me every time - a technique may work once, but I might fail to make a regular habit of it. I may make a regular habit of something, only to have it become less effective as the novelty of it, or my enthusiasm for it, wears off. I may eventually talk myself out of implementing an effective strategy because there is some part of it that I find unpleasant; or an intentional unpleasantness I once found motivating may eventually become intolerable.

That’s okay. I’m telling you now, it’s okay if that happens. It’s okay if the first method you try doesn’t work. Don’t set yourself up to feel frustrated. If you become frustrated, take a step back. If you borrow a library book and you still haven’t read it by the due date, just give it back. If you don’t actually enjoy the first book you pick up, put it down and try a different one. If you feel badly about not reading something your friend wants you to read, be honest and tell them you have a hard time sitting down, and that you don’t want to disappoint them if they keep asking, but that you will let them know once you have started it!

It can be easy to convince myself that feeling badly about something means it’s important to me, and that maybe if I feel bad about not doing something, it  motivate me to do it. There is a balance between making commitments, and not committing to anything that is just going to distress me. Sometimes there is a benefit to a sense of pressure, but I have to recognize when the pressure I create turns into frustration. That’s a fine line to walk! For all I speak of inconveniencing yourself, or holding yourself accountable, your strategies should ultimately feel satisfying, and show results fairly quickly! You may not see immediate results, but if it has been several days and your strategy isn’t working out, change tactics! And the moment you feel apologetic or ashamed about the thing you are trying to do, drop that strategy. Again, this can be easier said than done, but it is so worthwhile to learn how to allow yourself to “give up” on things that aren’t actually helping you, without feeling like you’re giving up entirely.

You want to get back into reading again because you want to enjoy reading again. If you set it up to feel like homework, or a chore, or an obligation, you may make it more difficult for yourself! Getting back into reading is about focusing on what you love about reading.

And hey, I’m always happy to help! I do only check Tumblr every couple weeks right now, but I’ll do what I can to be supportive. If you’ve tried these suggestions and they don’t work out, no worries! Everyone is different, and it’s no insult to me if things that work for me don’t work for you. But feel free to reach out again, let me know anything you have learned about how you function best in the meantime, and we can reevaluate your strategies!

I hope that helps! Happy reading!

[carmenxjulia]

Another Duane interview transcript, coming at you! This one was from a smaller Carmen Sandiego chatroom. There were several interviewers, so that’s why the name of the question asker changes. Get the details below the break! Stay tuned, more interview transcripts coming soon.

Duane Capizzi:

HI EVERYONE! I'M IN!

Sorry I'm late, I got lost on the way haha. Then got lost trying to change my PFP

Thanks for gathering! Shall we get started? Let's do some Q&A!

(as long as they are not geography questions haha)

Fuel:

What characters or plot points were cut from the final product?

Duane Capizzi:

Ooo, starting with a right hook to the jaw!

Let me think about that for a moment: I'm hesitant to give too much away because I'm really hoping we can tell more stories in this world at some point

Which is to say, we tend not to waste anything: if we don't use it when we originally planned, we usually find a way to use something later - and there's usually a "karmic" reason that we waited.

I'll also preface by saying this: I know season 3 was more of a mini-drop and some felt season 4 was rushed. But I wish EVERY season were longer. Season 1: ideally, i wanted the Pilot to be its own event and 10 more episodes after that (but we had to tell the post-Pilot story in 7. At the end of the day, that had its benefits: we got to the Shadowsan turn earlier and I think that's when a lot of viewers realized the ride they were truly in for). Season 2: we initially figured we'd need 5 episodes to have Carmen doing the ACME dance with Chief, and wound up doing it in 3 - mostly because it quickly became clear that Rio needed to be a 2 parter, and the Zack and Ivy backstory a rough 2 parter. So we squeezed 3 episodes worth of plot into 209. It was exhilarating!

So, we had hoped to have more episodes for Season 4 of course. We had a ton of ideas and had to compress things a bit. But honestly in many ways it was for the better. I know we all wanted to live in this world longer, but I think sometimes the flip side is true - when you have big ongoing storylines, it can get frustrating when some things drag out too long. But, we got all the "story" we wanted to tell in Season 4 - we just lost some "incident" if that makes sense. We would have taken longer to get there.

So, all that preface to answer the question: we wanted to do more musical numbers! We had a Bollywood dance sequence in a return to India caper with Paperstar. We wanted to do a famous Elvis suit theft in Las Vegas during an Elvis impersonator convention (Shadowsan's an early elvis guy; Brunt likes the Vegas "jumpsuit" era). We also wanted to do a thread where Gunnar gets captured by ACME so that Julia could interrogate him and he could play mind games with her a la Hannibal Lector and Clarice. CAVEAT TO ALL THIS: these were some ideas that were bouncing around, that may not have seen the light of day if we couldn't get them to work. But they were on our wish list.

re: "other stories" - I could live with these characters for another 32 episodes easily and there have of course been discussions. But alas, that is up to the powers that be. Let's keep fingers crossed - and keep the Carmen love alive online so that someone up there takes note

There is more of course, but those are some things that spring to mind.

Fuel:

Were there any scenes cut for time that were your favorite?

Duane Capizzi:

Not much springs to mind: our directors were amazing at getting everything in the scripts to fit naturally (and in fact, I was the one who was usually suggesting trims to let other things breathe, etc). We were limited to 22 minutes of episode time, NOT counting front and end credits so a little longer than the average show. We have a pretty good idea when the SCRIPT is too long, so the cutting usually happens at script stage before it gets to the board crew so that they don't waste efforts over-boarding material that won't be used.

We had hoped to build out Chase and Carmen teaming up for the first time, meeting at Carmen's hotel lobby etc for more scenes of them together; but had to reduce that to get that all to fit in the VERY packed episode 406. But again, tighter was fine considering. That's one area that leaps to mind. (note that when I say packed, I don't mean that in a bad way: we spend a lot of time pouring over details in editing to make sure everything gets its due).

If I think of anything, I'll circle back at a later point. But the simple answer is that scenes were usually trimmed or compressed at script rather than board or animatic. So nothing comes to mind. I know it's hard to believe, but "shorter is usually better."

except for my answers to fan questions of course

Fuel:

We saw that in s4 episode 6 that Julia's mother(?) is wearing a necklace remarkably similar to the one Julia wears all the time. Is this the same necklace and if so, why was it given to Julia?

Duane Capizzi:

Just when I thought I was detail oriented! Wow! You guys blow me away

I can't take credit for that: it was either the board artist or director who added that. They do slip things in! As I've said before, EVERYONE on the crew really brought their A-game and were as deep thinking and as passionate as I was/am about the show.

It's a nice detail and I would say your interpretation works!

It took me three or four reviews before noticing that the team had slipped in baby Carmen near the play set in Mom's front yard at the end of 408. When I caught it, I was like: bravo!

Fuel:

When they first met, Zack and Ivy said to Carmen that they were the only family they had, do you know what happened to the rest of Zack and Ivy's family?

Duane Capizzi:

I don't. At least, I don't yet until such a time that I might have the opportunity to explore that. It was important to their relationship with Carmen that they be orphans, so they had that common bond (aside from being "thieves who steal from bad guys" - even if it was only gonna be one time for Zack and Ivy).

I know there are writers out there who like to do entire bio's for characters up front but i'm not one of them. It could be a trap in many ways. I like to have a general idea but be open to the demands of the ongoing storyline. You discover things along the way - it's like you're taking a journey with the characters by writing them, and the longer you spend, the better you get to know them (that was not a prepared statement by the way - I just made that up but I'll have to use it again :). So in Z/I's case it wasn't important to the story or Carmen's relationship, we felt. Conversely, we STARTED with Shadowsan's family backstory with 203, but more important to me was that we use it as a platform to explain why he stays with Carmen and crew. He really has no home at that point, so it was relevant to the present ongoing story. Which is what made that especially powerful to me.

Also, there's always a push-pull between telling character back stories while balancing them with ongoing episodic plots. You have to service both. If you just tell back story, then you're writing a biography

Arden:

What was the biggest challenge when designing these characters, especially the pre-existing characters from the series in the 90's?

Duane Capizzi:

This is probably more of a question for Chromosphere, re: challenges. But from my standpoint overseeing that process, the first thing I'll say is that we weren't necessarily trying to be "true" to those characters since we reinvented nearly every one from the ground up. (with the exception of Carmen of course - her trademark red hat/coat weren't going anywhere! But mostly the update with Carmen was in the styling of her "outerwear"

ALTHOUGH: I will admit that I was pushing for Carmen to have shorter hair as Carmen. I thought it would be a cool update. Chromosphere were really passionate about giving her long full hair and I have to see that they were right. The short tomboy cut worked so well for Black Sheep anyway. We had a different hair style for each of her ages.

So about the reinventions: Gunnar is in spirit a similar character to the original (old colleague in Vile and an early mentor if I remember), but his presentation completely different. We weren't trying to be "in canon" with the original. The beauty of CSD is that every incarnation has been its own entity so that freed us to reimagine the characters. THE CLEANERS, for instance: gimme some Cleaner love! There were a pair of janitors from the original game named RICK AND NICK ICK. They were literally janitors, it was too silly for our purposes. But, it's one small step to make them "Cleaners" (in the sinister hit men sense) - and lo, our reinvention.

So to summarize the answer to your question, they weren't really challenges to me so much as FUN to creatively reinvent the original characters (many of which were from the game, so not really "characters" per se with dialogue and inner lives). Whenever we could, we tried to use character names from the originals and update their looks and personalities. Where we couldn't find an equivalent for what we needed, we created characters from whole cloth. For instance, it seemed a miss to do a heist show without a tunnel guy and a high rise climber guy. Hence, LC & ET, everyone's favorite taco truck vendors!

(yes, i've seen some short hair carmen fan art on Twitter - someone did a great one recently!)

Arden:

Are there plans to give us more of the characters in, say, novel/graphic novel form?

Duane Capizzi:

I know HMH has done a bunch and no doubt have more in works. There's currently a novelization of the Pilot with some additional material if anyone's interested. I consulted on the second one, Clue for Clue, because it falls in the timeline while Chase was still Interpol/pre-Acme so was tricky.

And depending on whether another series in this canon makes it to air, I may just approach them about writing one or two myself to get some "further adventures" our there. Anything is possible!

Arden:

If you could go back and change anything about the series, what would it be?

Duane Capizzi:

File under anecdote, but there was what I felt was an important expression on Gray that kept me awake at nights, from his graduation ceremony at Vile. When we revisited those flashbacks in the Gray arc in Season 4, I had them change his expression there (to be more evil less innocent). We had it corrected in 404 so was able to get permission to have Netflix "fix" the Pilot by adding that shot in. I am tenacious!

We really poured over everything, it's the series that I have virtually zero complaints with the end product to be honest. But the simple answer is: I would have gone back to 106 and "un-greek'd" Gray's nametag. It's sort of a rule for international that we scramble signage (which is weird for a show that takes place in many countries/languages, I know I know). It's mostly for localization/translation reasons. And I'm sure there are some countries where Gray's name might be spoken differently. But as a proper name, I think we could have made an exception and seen "Gray" on his name tag. See? Details! But that's about the worst of it

there's also like one small line from Chief in 208 where she indicates she knows Carmen is a good guy (something to that effect) which I felt was too absolute and would have tweaked the line to temper it a bit. It's tiny, but looking back it sort of bugs me and I kick myself for not catching it. But this is absolutely the series I wanted and couldn't be happier.

Carmen:

How did Carmen know she could trust Julia? As far as we know, she has not seen or heard Julia defending her, and in the Fashionista Caper, Julia even held up her gas gun to her, saying she was under arrest. Do you have any opinions on this? Was it just intuition?

Duane Capizzi:

I'm gonna go with intuition

Carmen was raised on an island with some hardened criminal types. I think she's a pretty good judge of character. Poor Julia, trying to be tough with Carmen didn't suit her.

But, great observation! I'd have to mentally step through everything to see if Carmen had any earlier indication but i think you're right there.

Yes, sometimes you just gotta follow your heart

Carmen:

Are there any characters that didn't actually interact that you think would get along well?

Duane Capizzi:

Amazing question! First, I'd have to think more about who DIDN'T meet - you're asking the hard questions haha. But "get along well" is very specific! Hmmm, care to volley anyone?

I'll also add that so many smaller moments get lost in the "binge" of it all, but I am surprised how few fans have noted the first meeting between Player and Julia. THAT was a good one IMO! Very sweet!

Before getting back to your question, I also want to add that we were originally going to find a way for Carmen to lose her earring in Stockholm so that Julia could pick it up and be communicating with Player. BUT, I cut it at treatment stage because I knew we didn't have room in that episode to service it. Circling back to questions 1 & 2, another case where it turned out better saved for later IMO (saving Player meeting Julia, not to mention the earring business in 402 with Ivy).

Oh of course, Julia and any of the other Vile members. It would have been Gunnar for my vote, as mentioned earlier. We probably would not have had Julia meet anyone else and mixed it up more. I like that Cleo sort of became J's personal nemesis.

YES, SONIA & XIFENG (and LUPE PELIGRO, if I can add). The intent was (and is, if we ever get to revisit) to see them again in Carmen's travels. We started to expand Carmen's world but when we finally learned the finite number of episodes we had to finish the story, we drilled back down into the essentials. Would love to see them some day!

I'm hesitant to share too many things I have in mind in this forum for hope that they will see the light of day one day. You know, "spoilers"

Julia:

Do you have any opinions on Zari? Just in general? Some thoughts on her backstory would be nice if possible

Duane Capizzi:

I love Zari! I really don't have any back story on her at this point. She was originally just "Agent B" but when the need arose to give story points to another agent, we chose her because she looked so awesome! And Sharon Muthu gave voice to her so wonderfully.

I love when we finally teamed her with Chase. Hopefully the anticipation was that she would give him a hard time. I love that we defied expectation (organically, of course) and had her respect him by the end of that episode (for believing that he foiled Carmen!)

Julia:

Do you have any thoughts on small facts about any character, major or minor, that you think are fun/interesting to think about, but don't necessarily add to the plot itself?

Duane Capizzi:

Bellum, like myself, likes cats. But you knew that!

I try to put everything pertinent on screen, doing double duty to service any given episode's story but also the overarching story. That "journey" thing I mentioned earlier - we had no idea Chase falling on his own car would be a thing when I first came up with it. But as other characters refer to the incident, it took on a life of its own and made the characters feel more real.

Sorta kinda related to this question and some earlier ones, I will say that I DO think there's more to learn about Shadowsan's past vis a vis Lady Dokuso: it's clear to me that they have a history together, and it's something I hope to explore someday soon (maybe in a book if not another series

Julia:

Are the Carmen Sandiego books a part of canon?

Duane Capizzi:

I only consulted on the first two or three (too busy with series!) and have not read them, so hard for me to answer in a definite way. They are definitely in the universe we've created, but not in the timeline that I know of (which would have been too hard to pull off with our script development running concurrently). But do know that the book team at HMH pays close attention to the series and world so they should be perfectly compatible. Look no further to their clever social media on the series for example.

Kenz:

We saw in season 4 that Julia and Carmen helped each other mid to long term; would there ever be a possibility that Julia would permanently or semi-permanently join team Red?

Duane Capizzi:

Of course there's a possibility. But in a sense, with ACME now finally on Carmen's side, in a sense if Carmen were back in the game Julia, Chase, Zack and Ivy would ALL be an extension of Carmen's crew. But, would J remain with ACME or literally come to Carmen's team at her HQ? As they said in an old radio show: "Only The Duane Capizzi knows ..."

Kenz:

Where do you see Carmen in her retirement (if she retires)? Do you think she would still travel the world or settle down somewhere? Similarly, do you have any thoughts on what some other characters could be doing years down the line?

Duane Capizzi:

That is a big question, and one difficult to answer without some potential future spoilers (and yes, I really want to tell more Carmen stories if you can't tell But I'll answer by giving you one "read" on our open-ended ending as seen in 408 (read no further if you haven't seen it - yeah, right haha). The ending suggests to me that Carmen settled down for a spell to forge that relationship with her mother, to make up for lost time. But, if that is indeed Carmen that we see on the rooftop, I think the ending suggests that Carmen doesn't stay still for very long. If Vile is back, there is work to be done! Carmen has a life mission - she's one determined lady.

But of course, it's deliberately ambiguous: "anyone with your heart, wisdom and courage can be Carmen Sandiego." Is it Carmen? Sonia? Someone we haven't met? I think both endings resonate: Caroline and I always said "Carmen is bigger than a person, Carmen is a movement" would be a great message to end the series on. And I think our ending resolves this chapter of Carmen's journey as a person, but also elevates her to mythic status. Which is why I love it!

And, that seems to me a pretty perfect question and answer to end our chat on. Thanks everyone! Again, I cannot tell you how moved I am to see that we have such a passionate, intelligent and talented fan base. THANK YOU.

Take care guys, thanks again for having me! 'night!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #462

i am way too tired to mentally flip through lyrics to put here, rip

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) I have zero idea. When did you last travel alone? Where were you going? The last time I visited Sara in Illinois. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? I think I got purple highlights? What was the first social media site you ever used? MySpace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? One. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Sara's house is lovely. Have you ever been catcalled? No. Are you allergic to any dogs? I might be. Have you ever touched a plant and had hives shoot up your arm? No. Do you think dragonflies are cool? Absolutely! What’s your favorite thing to draw? Meerkats!! Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation? Not high. I wanted to keep it. Do you like fudge? I CAN FUCKING DESTROY SOME FUDGE. Are you an affectionate person? Very. Name something you have to do today: Girt and I are hangin', making fun of bad Netflix anime and going to Buffalo Wild Wings. :^) Would you ever write to a death row inmate? No. People don't get on death row for no reason. I ain't got shit to say to them. Do you reckon online friendships are real? No fucking shit. Most of my most genuine friendships began online. Do you like Slipknot? Yep. Can we talk about how fuckin BADASS Corey's new mask is btw?????????? What do you think of Gorillaz? I like "Feel Good Inc." and one other song I can't remember the name of. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? BOTH!!!!! :') What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? GUYS I recently saw a picture of a little baby dressed up as a Little Oogie Boogie and it made my ovaries cry. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Jesus, Girt is a giant. I don't know about my shortest... If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you choose? Pastel pink. :') What has been the best night of your life so far? Why? Probably something sexual so let's keep it on the down low lmfaooo Would you ever even think about taking part in a wet t-shirt contest? Uh, no. Even if I WAS confident in my body. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby? No. It was dirty blonde. Have you ever been in trouble for being too loud? Ha, yeah, at school with friends. Not big trouble or anything, we were just hushed. Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? No. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do? Hm. What is the most bullshit-sounding true fact that you know? Male cats have spiked penises lkasdjfal;kje;kjwr it's something to do with preventing other tomcats from mating with her. What Oreo flavor is your favorite? Gimme that Double Stuffed, friend. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? SOUR. Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? Nope. Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Nope. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Y'all when I was a very little kid, during my older sister's b-day party, I sobbed because I couldn't pin the tail properly on the donkey lmaoooo How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons? Absolutely fucking barbaric. What song has the most meaning to you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus!!!! :') Have you ever made bread? No. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Pets, a baby I was watching after, and Jason. Ever been dominated in a game you were/are really good at? yep alskdjfla;jwej Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? Wild animal, I guess? Have you ever listened to a group of chanting monks? I haven't. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Probably of Teddy. I've still yet to decide on the total design of his tribute tat I'm getting. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I think so, yeah. How mad would you be if someone copied your original work (story, poem)? I'd be pretty fuckin pissed. Have you ever blown something up in science class? Ha, no. Have you ever gotten a serious wound from shaving? Not serious, no. Have you invented anything, only to find out it actually exists? I feel like I have? Ever realize you never truly LOVED your first love? Absolutely not. I loved him. Would you want a Bachelor/Bachelorette party before you get married? Sure, sounds fun. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? As of very recently, I returned to using pads. I used tampons for most of my maturity, but I got annoyed with them for TMI reasons and resorted back to pads, even though I don't like them either. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To die happy with my life and what I (hopefully) accomplished. What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? I’m not wearing any. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? Girt. It was something regarding how I once considered doing the suicide mission at BWW where you eat a select number of their hottest wings, but I didn't wanna die via chicken. :^) Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I'm average in height. I wouldn't change it, nah. Especially now that Girt and I are together the ridiculous height difference is hilarious but also cute lmao. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Like, while I was there? No. Have you ever had casual sex? Nahhhh. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. @_@ When you think of your childhood, are the memories mostly happy or sad? Mostly happy, I guess. What is it like being you? Is it enjoyable? It's very boring with few sources of joy. What are your thoughts on the cause of homosexuality? I would *assume* it's a genetic mutation. Reason being, having a romantic partnership without the ability to reproduce defies the motives of science. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, wrong with said (and hypothetical) genetic mutation, though. Mutations are just another part of science. They occur naturally. What subjects did you find most interesting in school? Least? Most interesting: literature/English (especially reading like, old mythology and epics and stuff like that), LOTS of branches of science (but primarily genetics), art, and I looooved my four semesters of German. Least: ANY and ALL math, history, economics, social studies... that kind of stuff. Which do you enjoy more–hot or cold beverages? Cold, for sure. What were some of your favorite bands from childhood? Green Day was one. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive, for sure. It would be much, much slower. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Well, I SHOULD be sleeping. Today's going to be a long day, because when Girt comes over, he has a tendency to not leave until like fuckin midnight or later alksdjfl;waje Have you ever lived out of your car? No. Does your family own more than two houses? HUNNY we r poor. A relative just committed a very serious crime, do you turn them in? It depends on the exact crime, but odds are, yes. If you're endangering others, byyyyeeee. You’re in the woods, alone, at night…are you honestly not afraid? Bitch I'm terrified. I have zero survival skills. You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it? For the love of god, please kill me. Your child has only a while to live, do you still enroll them in school? That would be up to them. Also, define "a while." How would you feel if you met your idol and they ended up being rude? WELP I have a tattoo in his honor so that would suck ass lmao According to the tale, was Eve wrong for eating and sharing the apple? "God was wrong for even setting up an apple tree and making up rules in the first place." <<<< There ya go. And the punishment was fucking ludicrously extreme. Are you working on any goals? Yes. I'm currently going to the gym regularly to try and better my physical health and then find a job. I know that being connected sounds odd, but trust me: I can barely carry out very simple tasks just because I have absolutely ZERO stamina to do almost anything. I need energy and endurance. I'm also working towards developing some self-love. Which parent named you? I wanna say my mom. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I mean, myself. Aforementioned self-love is hard. I'm just annoyed my head is so reluctant to accept that I'm not a piece of shit for a million reasons. Why have most of your past relationships ended? They all ended for different reasons, really. Are you having any online conversations, currently? I'm not. What’s on your mind? I'm just tired and going back to bed real soon. Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? No.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

A Flame For A Cabbage (Part 1)

Summary: The world is at war, it has been for a hundred years or so. The tribes have fallen and the Earth Kingdom is next. In the midst of a war, an ambitious merchant simply tries to sell cabbages. Azula-Cabbage Man Role swap AU

The sky hanging above the wall is an incredible sight, a canvas of orange with splashes of pinks and golds. It is a fine opening to what may very well be a final day. In her travels, Azula has heard tell of it. Of a device that set to breech Ba Sing Se’s walls. Even still, she has a job to do. She isn’t particularly worried about trifles outside of the wall. She fashions her hair into a scraggly topknot--she can never seem to tame her locks--and slips into her day clothing. 

She doesn’t have much in way of possessions just a  small cabbage stall--already twice destroyed by the Avatar and his companions--and the essentials, a few changes of clothes, a makeshift comb, a waterskin, a few pairs of shoes, and some kitchenware and gardening tools. She puts on her conical hat and heads out and into the streets. 

She can hear the rumbles even from this distance and considers that maybe it is a horrid idea to find herself outside. But then, maybe she can sell a few doomsday cabbages. She pushes a cart full of them into the center of the market square. 

The square is bustling and jovial. Azula can’t help but be intrigued, it perplexes her how they can be so happy with their sanctuary seconds away from a breech. A woman passes by her stall. “Would you like to buy a cabbage?” She asks. “It may be your last chance to buy one, now that the war has reached Ba Sing Se.”

“Excuse me?” The woman tilts her head. 

Azula conceals an exasperated sigh. “The city is going to fall and we are all going to die today. I recommend buying a cabbage as your last meal.”

The woman gulps and walks away. A rather brisk and hustled walk. Azula pouts to herself, she never has been particularly great with people. Not friendly conversation anyhow. She wonders if she may have come on too strong. She approaches the next passerby differently, “would you be interested in a doom’s day cabbage?”

“Doom’s day?” The man asks. 

“Yes. Doom’s day.” 

“What do you mean?”

Azula blinks, “I mean that the wall is about to be breeched so I am offering you a good quality final meal.” She pauses, looking at the tray of food that he is already holding. “Rather something to enrich the one you already have.”

The man seems to consider for a moment and Azula dares to get her hopes up. She thinks that today will be her lucky day. With the Avatar and his friends preoccupied with the wall, there is no one to make a mess of things. The man pats his pockets. “I think that I just spent the last of my money on this.” He motions to his meal. 

Azula nods. “You should make better spending choices in the future. Good day.” 

The man frowns and makes his way away from her stall. She is almost certain that she has offended him somehow, but she opts to pretend that he had simply been mournful of his lost opportunity. 

She greets a second man and offers him a cabbage. 

“Maybe tomorrow.” The man smiles. 

“But there will not be a tomorrow.” Azula insists. 

He halts in his tracks. “Why wouldn’t there be a tomorrow.”

Azula founds herself staring in bemusement again. Could it be that they really don’t know about the drill. That they are absolutely oblivious to what transpires just on the other side of their walls? Azula parts her lips. “There’s a drill.”

“A drill?”

She nods. “It is Fire Nation. They are going to breach the outer wall very soon.” 

The man gives an uneasy chuckle and shifts his weight from one leg to the other. He mumbles something before taking off much like the first woman. Azula sighs. She wonders if the Earth King knows about this, perhaps word has not reached him yet. Mayhaps it is she who should bring it to his attention. Her expression dims, who is she kidding? She can’t even sell a single cabbage much less be able to deliver profound information to the king himself.

She re-adjusts her hat and decides to herself that if she can sell just one cabbage, she will bring her news to the Earth King. She tries to draw consumers in but she doesn’t have the spunk nor vigor that the woman running the meat cart does. And she doesn’t have that suave and slick voice that the man running the jewelry stand boasts. She certainly doesn’t have the perky, cheeriness of the brother-sister botanist duo. 

She is just Azula. 

She supposes that her voice is pleasant enough and that her appearance is at least somewhat charming. But the baggy cotton pants and shirt she wears do her no favors. She is exceptionally average in those regards. But she has a sharp mind and she is something of a prodigy. She knows so, her father has said as much. Even if he hadn’t, she hasn’t seen anyone grow a cabbage as fast or as large as the ones she grows. The sheer amount of them is impressive if she must say.

She decides that she is wasting her talents on people who can’t recognize her talents. If she wants to do this, if she wants success--and she will have it one way or another--she will need to be bolder. 

She looks towards the sky; it is clear and blue. Early afternoon. She still has much of her day to accomplish what needs accomplishing. 

.oOo.

“This drill is a feat of scientific ingenuity and raw destructive power. Once it tunnels through the wall, our troops will storm their city. The Earth Kingdom will finally fall, and you can claim Ba Sing Se in the name of Fire Lord Ozai. Nothing can stop us.” Vows Qin.

Tylee taps her chin, “hmmm, what about those muscley guys down there?” Once quick glance into the drill’s binoculars reveals a team of well chiseled men. They slam rocks up against the drill’s framework. 

Sie listens intently to the conversation, wondering just were his life has gone wrong. He doesn’t wonder for too long, he thinks that he can pinpoint the exact moment when things had taken such a stark turn. 

Qin flashes a confident and boastful smile. “Please! The drill's metal shell is impervious to any earthbending attack.”

But that doesn’t alleviate the queasiness in Sie’s stomach.“Oh, I sure hope it is, War Minister Qin…” He trails off, he knows how these things usually go after a healthy amount of experience. “...but just to be on the safe side.” He looks to Mai and TyLee. “We should probably take care of that.” He cringes to himself as another rock collides with the drill. 

Twirling knife around her finger, Mai remarks, “Finally.”

Sie winces to himself, he hates when she does that. One of these days she is going to take someone’s eye out. 

“Something to do.” Her words are punctuated by a clunk and a shout. There it is. The moment he had dreaded. Mai apologizes less than half-heartedly. 

.oOo.

There, that should do, Azula thinks to herself. She knows that her task is no longer going to be easy. She is well aware that she has maneuvered herself right into the general vicinity of the Avatar himself. But she is a girl of goals and plenty of determination.

“Excuse me! You can’t be out here right now!” Calls the general. 

“I can be! And I will be! Maybe you don’t have the nerve to come down here and do what is necessary, but I do. I’m stronger than you.” Is what Azula would have declared had she heard the man over the sound of whirring mechanics and rebounding rocks. Instead she continues arranging her stall as though he hadn’t spoken at all. Because, as far as she is concerned, he hasn’t. And really, if a plea falls on def ears, has a plea really been made at all? Azula doesn’t ask herself this question because she has no reason to. 

Instead she taps one of the earth warriors on the shoulder. “Would you like to buy a cabbage. Battles are exhausting, you will have an advantage if you aren’t fighting hungry.”

“WHAT?” The man hollars over the noise of the drill. 

“These cabbages will help you prevent the apocalypse.” Azula speaks with more volume.

“WHAT!?” He repeats again. 

She flinches as the man drops to the ground. The man’s attacker waves before cartwheeling over to the next. Azula narrows her eyes, to think she had a sturdy sales pitch going for her too. 

.oOo.

Sie is growing more and more anxious. Mai and TyLee have returned and the earthbenders have been dealt with. But he knows that there will be more of them. He just knows it. He is also well aware of just how much trouble the Avatar can cause after having run into him in Omashu. But where is he? Where. 

A horrid noise violates his ears. “Congratulations, crew. The drill has made contact with the wall of Ba Sing Se, start the countdown to victory.”  

So why is it that he begins counting down to their defeat. It might be that he knows deep down that the protagonists always win. That those are the rules and he can deny them no more than he can deny the knife-related background death of one of the drill staff. His corpse has already been drawn out of the frame (blood and all) with no trace of it ever having been there. But with no place for it to have been reasonably moved to. 

He decides that it is also worth noting that a cabbage stall has been erected just outside of the wall. He wonders what kind of ploy this may be.

“War Minister, an engineer was ambushed! His schematics were stolen!” Declares one of the personal, confirming his suspicions about that damn cabbage stand. 

“Titans, go!” He coughs, “Sorry, I mean, let’s go ladies.” Whatever that cabbage merchant has planned, he won’t let it succeed. Too much is at stake here. His nation is depending on him and the Fire Lord, his father, has set expectations high. He dreads to think of what could happen if he comes home without victory. He can’t allow himself to end up like his banished and scarred brother. 

.oOo.

She watches them fall left and right, her potential customers drop like flies. The worst of it is that they actually seem interested in buying cabbages off of her. The problem is that by the time she has successfully communicated over the drill’s volume, they only have time to smile and say, “yeah, I’d like one” before a Fire Nation soldier intervenes. 

Feeling utterly defeated and rather useless, she makes her way to the infirmary. The least she can do is offer them a free cabbage for their troubles. She has an excess of them and she decides that it wouldn’t pay to waste a perfectly good cabbage. 

With a pang in her heart, she gathers a few of them into her arms and wanders back within the wall. This, of course, would have been a pristine opportunity for Sie to make a move but he has already opted to go after the ambushers. So, as most mishaps accidentally are, Azula blissfully avoided her own.

For some reason she ponders what everyone used to say of her; that she was born lucky. 

The sky is still blue and the temperature is pleasantly warm. Several of the soldiers take comfort in her cabbages. She supposes that, that is what matters; that people know the value of tedious and painstakingly grown produce. Particularly of the cabbage variety.  

Despite their suffered injuries, they seem happy. 

In fact, they thank her for the cabbages. 

No, she decides, she has hasn’t been born lucky. She forges luck for herself.

[somekindofmasterpiece-blog]

1

I’ve found it quite difficult to open up. In a way that is perhaps not fleeting. I often find myself leaving out the intricate details of my innermost heart. My innermost thoughts as well. As though some things I’d rather just keep deep within myself. It makes me a little weary. Constantly shape shifting, molding, and re-tempering ones-self. I find myself caught between excitement and exhaustion. I am learning to better discern the matters of my lowers and my higher. To uncover that which tempts my heart into passionate creation and that which my bring me to madness. I’ve begun learning myself. 

Little things, like how I like to take my coffee: black, no sugar. Or how I like to make lists and I am always sure to add something to it I’ve already completed. Like ‘Make a List,�� ‘Wake Up,’ or ‘Pray.’ I like water a lot. It tastes different depending on the location or filtration. Plain soda water is of-the-God’s. I find it too easy to lie to myself,  the little things like ‘This cold coffee isn’t bitter and joyless.’ Then again we do create our own realities like ‘It serves the purpose of caffeinating and therefore a temporary spurt of motivation.’ Or maybe a little more energy to wipe up a table or serve someone who’s hell bent on seven lemons, no ‘thank you’s,’ and a whole lot of of unhappiness to unload on you. I fall in love a lot. I am in love with the notion of the very thing itself. I fall out of love just as easily, except for the places where I don’t. Especially when the love cannot maintain the nature of consumption I’ve somehow convinced myself is valuable. No one has ever been fascinated long enough to come in stay a while, hang your hat, get comfortable. And I often think about how long it took for me to take space in my own heart to settle in. I am just now becoming rooted in my own self-sustaining ecosystem. And I often too, think about how sick and tired I am of begging for love. 

Begging for anything really. When the obvious answer is to just slow down and be grateful- sometimes I find myself intent on doing just the opposite. It’s odd. Living with myself but not within my heart. I imagine many of us are living this way. Kind of floundering about. Listening to all the opinions of those around them. Allowing themselves to be guided by hands unfamiliar. Voices unknown. Doing just to do and living just to get by and satisfy some vague notion. The production of happiness. A great shimmering lie when sought through the direction of others. It makes you understand why people off themselves. I mean hell, can’t say I haven’t romanticized it. To say, see you in the next round, but this time I forfeit.

To me, if living is a nightmare then living in some shitty immortalized legacy is worse. All you’ve got are half-baked versions of yourself. Being mourned and analyzed by the world. All you’ve got to show for yourself are poems written about dick that you’d only paid any mind cause you were avoiding loving yourself. Playing out some tired ‘daddy didn’t love me like I needed’ narrative. What a wreck. What a waste of talent. Is that want you’d want to leave behind. The thought makes me shudder. Will there ever be a time I don’t feel this is true? Regardless of evolution? 

So, here I am learning to be honest with myself. I’m more honest to the world about my flaws than I am anything else. Like, I’m afraid of commitment. My too loud voice carries too far. My heart often seeks that which will break it. I am still learning to be soft. No matter how much I love you there will always be a part of me that longs to be apart from you, left to my own devices. I can be cruel and 99.99% of the time I don’t mean to be. But there is a part of me that carries my wounds in essence. All boiled down from every perceived wrong I’ve ever internalized, every spiteful comment I’d taken and twisted into my narrative, every time I wanted to stand up for myself but instead chose to silence myself. This part is tender. Pained. It revels in creating wounds of itself. Ones that go on and live their own lives in the hearts of others. 

It’s unfair to say and yet still just as true, my heart hurts for the pain that I’ve caused. As though each wound I’d carefully incised in the hearts and souls of others found a way to mirror themselves back to me. I have now learned that not everything can be controlled and most importantly that I am not the one to control things for anything other than my own behaviors and thoughts. Though I think sometimes my busy brain thinks it could and should. My brain, the nasty chair of the PTA who wears her aprons without wrinkles. She smiles, but her eyes don’t crinkle, and one ear is always peeled waiting to find something to destroy me. And therefore to destroy itself. God damn, even my brain wants to off itself. I suppose the universe knew what it was doing when it gave me a heart that refuses to quit. Cosmic jokes on jokes and yet they still wonder why I’m always laughing. 

I am turning 26 tomorrow. And I am just learning how to be a person. Autonomous. Outside of the expectations of others, even if I’ve been shaped by them. Even if I am grateful for the lessons, they have taught me. It’s taken me this long to learn that sometimes the best thanks you can give is living your truth and learning to give back in your own way. Things change as you get older. Like ticks, I used to be afraid of ticks. I’d rather let one live off of my blood, fattening and celebrating than confront the need to pull it out. Now, I’d rather just pull that sucker out as soon as possible and squash it dead. I used to want everyone to like me but now, I mostly want everyone to leave me alone. And to help them to see they can heal themselves too, but from a distance still, I’ll iron out those details later. 

I am turning 26 tomorrow and the best I’ve got is I’d rather not deal with people. I’m a regular Jung, Einstein, Marx or any of those other motherfuckers people can’t quite stop quoting. Yeah, that’s me some kind of masterpiece. 

[tea-and-toblerones]

The One Where Ed Gets Creative With Some Frosting | A One Shot

Happy Christmas Eve everybody! Let’s celebrate with some sexy times with Teddy.

Rated M for Smuts

It had been a week since you and Ed had went drunken caroling and you two hadn’t even touched the decorations since then. You spent the next day re-cooperating, taking care of each other. You both had different hangover cures so the two of you shuffled around the kitchen gathering the things the two of you needed to feel better. Ed swore on a ginger beer first thing then pancakes. You always went for sprite or 7 up with a bowl of ramen,  loaded with hot sauce. After your breakfast you both laid on the couch, passing a ice bag between the two of you. You had smeared Vicks under yours and Ed’s nose to curb the nausea.

It wasn’t until Ed brought home two gingerbread house kits did you even think about decorating. When you asked why he got two, he shrugged saying that you guys could make a deluxe house.

“I don’t think that’s how that works, but we can try it.”

You were looking over the kits, seeing what was all inside. Seemed fairly standard. You heard the paper of a second bag crinkle as he had started pulling extra supplies out of another shopping bag.

“I thought maybe we could make little cookie men to live in the cookie house. Not gingerbread men though. That would be weird.”

He had bought a variety of candies. Gumdrops, Mike and Ike’s, candy buttons, gummy worms, miniature and regular candy canes and sixlets. There was also a bunch of different frosting colors, extra food coloring to make different colors and piping bags. He even purchased cookie cutters. Not only was there the men ones, he had Dino ones, a bunch of different types of animals and shapes. Not to mention about every type of sprinkle you could think of. You wondered if the boy had bought out the entire baking aisle.

You had pulled down your battered recipe book and picked out a simple, yet delicious sugar cookie recipe. You had planned on only making one batch, yet here you were, surrounded by one batch of plain sugar cookies, one batch divided out into different colors, one batch of peanut butter and one batch of mint chocolate peanut butter. Ed being the eager student watched everything you did intently, handing you the next ingredient, reading off the directions for you in his smoothest, sexier voice he could muster. He had to repeat himself several times because you were whisked away in his silky dulcet tones.

You tossed the dough in the fridge to chill, doing a quick clean up of the kitchen before Ed drags you out to the living room to start trimming the tree. He had been sitting on floor, untangling the mess of lights. He had them plugged in so he was aglow with the multi colored lights. His face pulled in one of concentration as his fingers worked out the sad excuse of a wrap job. You had tried to keep them neat, wrapping them in an ‘o’ but much like any other type of wire they magically seemed to do the chaos cha cha in the box. You couldn’t help but snap a picture of him, planning on making a sort of scrapbook of your first Christmas together.

He had climbed onto a step ladder to wrap the lights at the top of the tree with ease. You ended up wrapping them a bit on an angle to make up for the two bare patches. The ornaments you owned were all various sizes and shades of blues, white and silver. You had forgone the garland for wispy white and teal ribbons. You had went a purchased glass icicle and snowflake  ornaments to really make the tree pop. You both stood back to admire your colorful tree. The bright lights mixed with the cool blues and whites reminded you strongly of Ed’s rainbow-hued body.

“All that’s left is the star on top!” You exclaim, bringing your hands together, proud of your tree.

“Are you sure? I think we missed one.” His voice was airy, almost playing with you. He was fighting the smile that was trying to come across his face.

“You slip something in the box when I wasn’t looking?” Knowing Ed it could be a variety of things. He tried to keep his face expressionless, but the boy’s poker face could definitely use some work. He tried his best to shrug nonchalantly, but he couldn’t keep that grin off his face if his life depended on it.

You look in to see a small, flat box, wrapped in a pretty gold bow. You pick it up and look over to him. “Well what is?”

He just shrugged again. “I dunno, why don’t you open it and find out.”

You pull the ribbon loose, careful not to tear it. When you lifted the lid off you saw an ornament with the picture of the two of you posing in front of giant inflatable gingerbread man. You were laughing, your arm wrapped around him as he was beaming, his santa hat perched jaunty on his head. On the back it read Our first Christmas, with many more to come.

“Oh, Teddy, it’s perfect!”  You throw your arms around him, planting your lips on his. After a couple seconds you broke away, your head spinning.

“I’m glad you like it, love. Where does it go?”

“Front and center obviously.” You point to the desired spot and he hangs it where you instructed, cramming the star on the top before climbing back down.

You take several pictures of the tree, some selfies of the two of you with the tree and one with Ed pointing out the ornament, a thumbs up and a huge smile on his face.

You had taken a break halfway through to cut the dough into shapes and start baking them off. You were checking to see if they had cooled off enough to start icing. You placed them on a plate and went to set them on the table to start decorating.  When you turned around you saw Ed sitting at the table, waiting patiently to begin. He had stripped his shirt off and used the peel and stick Christmas bows as pasties. You had packed the gift wrapping stuff with the ornaments and Ed had obviously found it. He wore a cheeky grin, waiting for you to comment, but instead you acted like this was completely normal, which for Ed it was.

“Okay, we have the not gingerbread men, some trees, some snowmen, some wreaths and some plain round ones to decorate however.”

You had sat side by side, picking a not gingerbread man to start with. Ed had grabbed a round one and began. You were concentrating hard, placing little dots of frosting to use as glue for the candy buttons when you hear Ed whisper your name, so he wouldn’t startle you. When you look up to see what he had decorated, snorting because you had somehow forgotten about the holographic bow pasties he was still wearing. He motioned to the four cookies he had decorated. Four EXTREMELY dirty cookies. He had drew a pair of tits on the first one, followed by a cookie with a very crude pussy, a smile with its tongue out followed and ending with a dick, going the extra step of adding the white sticky fluid coating the head and dripping off.

“You like the sound of that baby girl?” You could hear the lust dripping off of every word. “You like the sound of my tongue on your clit? My fingers in you, working you up? My cock filling you like no other?”

You were still gripping the piping bag and had unknowingly squeezed it, causing the white frosting to shoot out and splatter all over him, sticking to his light chest hair.

You don’t miss a beat, your tongue quick to lick it off. You hear a soft moan as you move from his chest to his neck. You take your time, the little whimpers and moans were just adding fuel to your already raging fire.

“I’m going to lay you down, and the first thing I’m going to do is admire every inch of you.” His feathery tone sending shivers up your spine. “Then I’m going to tease you with my tongue. Starting with your mouth and making my way down to those gorgeous fucking tits of yours.”

Your mouth never stops moving, as you tug the fleece pajama bottoms and boxers down. You feel his muscle clench as his skin comes in contact with the wood of the chair, but otherwise there’s no indication of what you were doing.

“Once I felt like I have teased them enough, I’ll make my way down your stomach and slide my finger past your already drenched entrance making sure to just casually brush against your clit before I begin to thoroughly savor that pretty little sweet tasting cunt of yours that drives me absolutely mad.”

As he was talking you had grabbed the piping bag again, laying a line down his already erect shaft, finishing it off with a ring around the head. You hear a hitch in his voice the moment you press your tongue flat against his warm velvety skin, your hands resting on his  thick muscular thighs. You look up at him from under your eyelashes as you wrap your lips around his pink head. His eyes never leave your face, his pupil dilated with arousal as you begin your slow descent down his thick cock.

“I’m going to- nnnngg- tongue and finger- oOooO- fuck you until you- Oh fuuuuck- come completely undone underneath me- Jesus fuck your mouth feels so FUCKING good, baby.”

He had given up on the dirty talk, his hand resting on the back of your head as you bobbed along. His hips thrusting up to meet you. Your eyes still locked on to his as the swears fell steadily from those gorgeous lips of his.

“Your fucking mouth works MIRACLES but it’s nothing compared to that tight pussy that’s going to be wrapped around me. Shit, how you work me up, it’s fucking intoxicating!” His hand went from resting to wound in your hair. His hips had lost what rhythm they had as he was reaching his climax. “Fuck, I’m close, I’m so fucking close…” You could feel his grip tighten right before his release hit the back of your throat. The bows had been dislodged at some point and were laying discarded on the floor along with the rest of his clothing.

You didn’t even bother leaving the kitchen. As soon as you broke away from him, he was out of the chair and pulling off your t shirt as he eased you down on the tiled floor. You tense at the coolness of the tile against your hot skin but Ed mouth quickly made you forget as he made straight for one of your pink buds. He had straddled you as he worked, you could feel the heat radiating of his bright torso as he worked. He broke away sooner than you thought, reaching up on the table, grabbing the piping bag and whichever candy he could reach without getting up, which happened to be the gumdrops. He didn’t squeeze it directly on your body, like you had did, he applied it to his finger and drug it across you torso. He added a fair amount on each one of your breasts and smeared a wide line slowly down your torso. He topped it off by placing gumdrops down the center of the line.

Just as he said, he was in no hurry. He did admire the effect of the frosting covering you. His tongue gliding over his lips as he took you in. You knew he was picturing another sticky white substance covering you. It was a kink of his, but one he hardly ever indulged in. His tongue had in fact explored every inch of your mouth before moving to your neck, leaving a trail of nips and kisses down your neck, causing you to moan.

His tongue pressed against your breast, licking off the frosting off slowly, working in a circular motion towards your nipple. Instead of taking it into his mouth like you had thought, he moved over to your other one, doing the exact same slow, clockwise movement. His mouth hovered over, his warm balmy breath causing you to shiver. You had been prepared for him to pull it up into his mouth but all he did was lightly run his tongue over the pebbled flesh before moving on to the gumdrops. His mouth came down completely over each one, his teeth just grazing your flesh as he collected each one. Every time his teeth made contact you’d shudder. You had raised your head to watch him work. Everytime he collected a piece of candy, his eyes would find yours, his state holding you captive due to the sheer amount of sex appeal it held. It was almost like he was the predator and you were his prey. The way the corners of his lips curled up was reminiscent of something playing with its meal before going in for the kill.

You could feel your need of him growing as he teased you. The candy was gone but there was still traces of frosting left behind. You could see where some had clung to his chest hair as he had made his way down your body. When his tongue did two long drags across your stomach to collect the remaining frosting you let out a shuddering moan. His finger had glided up your thigh, making its way to your wet center. When his middle finger slipped inside a moan escaped your lips,,causing him to smirk.

“Just imagine how it’s gonna feel when my cock is buried deep inside that tight little cunt of yours.” he had spoken with a seductive growl, his mouth trailing down you. His tongue pressing over your wet slit.

“I can never get enough of your delicious cunt. And you’re always drenched and dripping, just waiting for me to lick every bit of you.” everything that came out of his mouth was said slow, seductive voice.

And that’s exactly what he did. His tongue flicking across your sensitive bundle of nerves. He had been rubbing you with his thumb as he spoke, making it hard to focus on his words. You had watched his mouth as he spoke, his tongue coming over his lips, his teeth dragging across his bottom lip in anticipation.

His beard provided enough friction to drive you wild as his mouth sucked at you. His nose brushing against you as he worked in that tantalizing speed. The gentle hums he let out as he worked just added to the sensations. His fingers working you into a frenzy, your hips rocking, burying his face into you more. You loved to watch him work. Those gorgeous copper curls between your legs, just begging for you to sink your hands in. Which you do, enjoying the feel of his silky locks between your fingers. You could feel yourself teetering on the edge as he coaxed you along.

“That’s right, love. Let go for me. I can tell you want to, be a good girl for me, please?” He knew exactly what words to use, matched with the gentle yet demanding voice.

That’s all it took, your body reacting to his commands. The waves of pleasure crashing over you, your grip on him tighten as you rode out your orgasm. Constant praise coming from him as he stroked your hair. His mouth had came on yours, soft but urgent. You could feel his need for you growing with every kiss he pulled from you lips.

“Need to feel you around me baby. Can I? Please?” He gasped out as broke away from your kiss swollen lips. You nod, wanting to feel his cock buried in you, crashing relentlessly against your back wall. Your muscles clenching around him.

You could feel his thick head rubbing over you, coating himself with your fluid before positioning himself at your entrance. You gasped as his head pushed into you, your fingers digging into his shoulders as he begins driving himself into you. Little moans dropping from his mouth as he thrusts himself into you.

“Fucking shit you fit me like a goddamn glove. So fucking tight.”  His voice in your ear, his hot breath on your neck causing goosebumps to come across your flesh.

His mouth was working on your neck, massaging it with his teeth, little bursts of air accompanied by a little grunt coming out every time he collided with you. His name coming out of your mouth in a moan that was steadily growing in volume. You could feel the muscles in his arms working as his thrusts became rougher. You wrapped your legs around his torso so he could reach even deeper within you. Your heels digging into the top of his ass, spurring him along as you clung to him. Your legs sliding over his sweat slick skin, making you dig your heels in even more. The sweat on his forehead gleaming under the kitchen light, causing his curls to stick to his forehead. His eyebrows drawn together as he worked, his breath coming out in ragged bursts, punctured by ‘fucks’ and ‘shits’ and ‘god damns’. Little beads of sweat clung to his chest hair along with bits of frosting that had remained behind.

You could feel the warmth beginning to gather again as he continued to drive himself into you. You had been matching his rhythm, but had fallen out of sync as his pace quickened. You could tell he was close, so you brought your hand down to your clit, rubbing frantic circles to speed up your release. Your body tingling, every nerve on in, the tension building almost like the pressure you feel before a storm. Your muscles beginning to tense up, your release imminent.

“Fuck, I’m so close baby. So close.”  He managed to sputter out between his grunts.

That paired with the frantic pace you had been working at, you felt your release hit you like lightning, setting every nerve on fire as you felt like yourself tighten around him. That paired with the cry that came from you was enough to send him over the edge. His shaky cry mingling with your own as he filled you. You could feel his fluids running out as he pulled away, laying beside you, his chest heaving as he drew air deep in his lungs. He still pulled you close to him, place a kiss on the side of your head.

As much as you wanted to lay there enjoying his presence, now that your lust had been saitied, the floor was growing more uncomfortable by the second. Once you both had caught your breath you moved from the kitchen floor to the shower to wash off the sweat and frosting that was left behind.

Once you were clean, you finished up the cookies, both of you eating the ones he had decorated. The both of you finished the cookies, decorating one to look like Ed, complete with a crude guitar and flannel. He has decorated one to look like you so cookie Teddy wouldn’t be lonely in the gingerbread house. The gingerbread house of hell. Ed had insisted on placing every type of candy on it to create a child’s dream house. He grinned looking at his handiwork. You had started yours to look like a proper house but gave into his pleas of more candy. You place the cookie versions of yourselves with the house, putting it on display.

By the end of the day you had finished all the decorating, the house fully ready for Christmas. You both settled on the couch, mugs of cocoa in hand as you watched yet another Christmas movie. Your eyes  going over to the tree, most importantly the ornament he had gotten. The words ‘the first of many’ playing on a loop, causing a smile to come to your face.

“Everything alright, love?” His voice pulling you out of your reverie.

“Everything’s perfect Teddy. Everything’s perfect.”

[i-am-adlocked]

Got tagged by two people and since the questions are custom-made (lol) I guess, I’ll answer twenty-two instead of eleven LMAO. Love you both guys!

The rules are:

• Post the rules

• Answer the questions given to you by the tagger

• Write eleven questions of your own

• Tag eleven people

QUESTIONS FROM @equusgirl​

1. If you could have lunch with anyone alive or dead, who would it be?

This is a tough one. I have many different aspects of myself—several masks. My joker-self would want to be with my friends because I never fail to make them laugh their pants off. My lonely-self would want my future spouse, whoever that person is, right now. My artist-self would want Vincent Van Gogh so I could do the Doctor Who thing where I would reassure him that he is amazing. 

My desperate-self would want Bob Ross because I bet he’d inspire me the hell out. My sad-self would want to have lunch with my dead happy-self because I bet I’d slap the hell out of my face. My family-oriented-self would want my maternal grandfather I never got to meet because he doesn’t know me and it’s nice to have a family who would probably say that they’re proud of me. Estranged relatives are like that, I think lmao

OH and I would also want any psychologist, so I’d have free sessions to deal with my ADHD because I can never afford to have more sessions, and I’d finally get a prescription cos I need dem meds.

2. You’re stuck on an elevator with whoever is on your lock/home screen. Who is it?

If we’re talking about my phone, I guess I’m stuck on an elevator with the Eiffel Tower (lock screen) and Mona Lisa (home screen). If we’re talking about my computer, I guess I’m stuck on an elevator with Sherlock (lock screen) and Leo Valdez (home screen). Ho-ho-ho I will be in an elevator with self-loathing mask-wearing joking-but-dead-inside heroes. That will be fun.

3. Last TV show/movie you watched?

I rewatched the last episode of The Crown again after I binged-watched Riverdale and re-re-re-binged-watched The Good Place. Movie-wise, it was the Filipino film called “Ang Larawan”. It’s actually hard for me to watch films because it takes a lot of time for me to stay focused in one episode.

4. A cottage on the beach or a cabin in the mountains?

Cabin in the mountains. I hiss angrily at beaches because I tan so easily and I kid you not, I haven’t swum in a beach since 2009. In a country where lighter paler skin was more cherished, and being an insecure bullied 10-year-old. You’ll understand why. Nowadays, I guess the habit just stuck. ALSO CABIN IN THE MOUNTAINS HOW FREAKING COOL WOULD THAT BE... I’d be surrounded by trees, it would be cold there, I can sit by the fireplace, look out my window to view the beautiful forest and night sky, and just drink whiskey, read a book, and quietly whisper, “Bless.”

5. Last song you listened to?

If we’re not including Brooke Simpson’s performances (specifically, “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World”) in The Voice which I legit just binge-watched before opening Tumblr, it would be the Riverdale Cast’s cover of “Mad World.” I was shookt that I liked it.

6. Most recent obsession?

Video-editing. More-so than usual. I legit have anxieties when I’m not making a video. I should probably stop after finishing these videos I’m doing because I know it will hinder my studies (which I’m already failing at because of my worsening ADHD), and it’s already ruining my sleeping patterns and eating habits. It’s a toxic kind of obsession.

7. Last thing you googled?

“people find out harry potter is abused fic rec” shut up (if interested, click here)

8. Which city would you most like to visit?

(for the first time?) Athens. (again?) either Assisi or Rome or Paris. You can’t make me choose.

9. If you could bring one (1) fictional character to life, who would it be?

I’m having a hard time between Mary Watson (Sherlock) and River Song (Doctor Who) *sobs*

10. Favorite thing about yourself?

My... God, I don’t know, really. I don’t really like myself so how can I find a favorite thing about myself? My ability to brag for things I’m not even good at, I guess? False advertising of myself, I guess? HAHAHAHHA WAIT NO! My ability to make anything sad or depressing. Yes, I’m good at that. It’s not my favourite thing about me but out of all, that’s the only thing I think I’m really good at.

11. Ideal career?

Becoming a wife and mother. Some people give me odd looks for this but I really want to take care of people in ways I never experienced. I want to be there for some people—to feel needed and depended on—to be trusted, long-term.

Younger-me would be furious. She was aro-ace. As a person who grew up only relying on books as company, I thought I would grow up as the typical strong independent woman who is a CEO or is an actress, or a musical theatre performer... I used to want to be that... 

But those dreams were based on what my family wanted. CEO because I grew up poor and being a CEO would make me financially stable which my parents wanted. Actress/Theatre Performer because my sister and I bonded through musical theatre, TV shows, and films, and we both love the arts (but I have to admit that she’s better than me with everything srsly im not kidding)...

But as just for myself? I really don’t see myself working for money, or working for the arts. I mean, obviously I want to work for money and for the arts, but... I want to work for people I care about—for a family I will finally not be scared enough to say “I love you” without fearing they would laugh in my face.

—oOo—

OKAY, NOW QUESTIONS FROM @musical-chick-13​

1. If you could wake up and be magically good at something you’ve never done before (or have little experience doing), what would you want it to be?

The ability to quickly understand things I’m not interested in and explain them to people easily with how I understood them. I think that would help me a lot in my Law class now at uni. Seriously, I’m having troubles reading, and I always stutter in class because I’m not good at formal English. 

My stupid brain needs time to process what I learned (which was written in English), explain it to myself (in Filipino), translate my explanation from Filipino to English, and focus enough to say those things out loud.

2. What is/are your favorite genre(s) of music?

I have an odd range: musical theatre, rock, indie, classical music, PIANO IS LIFE, ANYTHING AS LONG AS IT IS GOOD PIANO AT THE BEGINNING (usually starts with an A, idk why). Also, Lady Gaga and Beyonce. Hands down.

3. What was your first fandom?

Avatar: The Last Airbender. THE SERIES OKAY. A year after that was Harry Potter and Sherlock AT THE SAME TIME 2010 was a crazy year. Just like that, since I was eleven years old, I went down the road to fandom hell.

4. What is a play/musical/opera/etc. (basically any fictional work that’s not a book, movie, comic, or TV show) you like?

BOY YOU CAN’T MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN UGHGHGH ILL JUST PUT MY TOP SIX

Spring Awakening, Next to Normal, In the Heights. (I listen to the full album completely. The music is divine and the stories are beautiful. You got a story about sex, a story about mental illness, and a story about Hispanics). Spring Awakening’s and Next to Normal’s rock + violin music in a setting of 1800′s Germany and a typical family house, gets me on, ya know?

Sweeney Todd, Wicked, and Rent. (The typical classics I love, note that whenever Sweeney Todd’s Prologue and Wicked’s As Long as You’re Mine starts, I get orgasms just as much when the peak of Rent’s Goodbye Love goes). Great songs, seriously.

5. If you could get paid for doing a mundane task, what would you choose to get paid for?

Organising files.

6. What is a joke you really like?

My death.

7. If you had to have a job working under a fictional character, which character would you choose to be your boss and why?

Sherlock. He would know how to take care of me. He would know how to make me feel better. He has great work ethics, and he knows when to be harsh with his words and gentle, because he knows which people are deserving to be called idiots and those who are just insecure. Though I’ll probably annoy him because of how nervous I’d be but since “Faith Smith” I’d think he’d know how to deal with me, I guess.

8. What article of clothing is your favorite to wear (i.e., dresses, skirts, pants, suits, hats, jewelry, etc.)?

A gold necklace my grandmother gave to me because out of all my cousins (or our generation in our lineage), I’m the first one she gave an “inheritance” to because I happen to be her roommate. Considering that I am the dumbest in the family as well as the family freak, I consider this as my sole victory.

9. Do you consider yourself to be an optimist, a pessimist, or something else entirely?

A total pessimist. An optimist to those who are feeling pessimistic.  In my head, there is nothing but hopelessness, despair, and utter misery and pain. But homie, you say shit like that to me? You tell me you are feeling those? Yo, imma throw my rainbows and sunshine up your ass, you are gonna vomit glitter and light, I swear to all deities out there.

I may claim to say that I’m like this because I’m the only one who should be pessimistic, like I’m some narcissistic the-world-revolves-around-me idiot because I don’t like being depicted as anything else but manipulative, cruel, and an arsehole. So please stop telling me I’m nice or that I’m a good person. It makes me feel weird. They’re like unnatural things to say to me.

10. Feelings on cats?

Tolerable. My sister loves them. My school has cats just chilling around. They love me idk why. I love dogs more so I’m surprised they let me in their pack.

11. Favorite soda (or beverage in general if you don’t like soda)?

ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW OF MY WILD ADDICTION TO COCA-COLA.

—oOo—

MY QUESTIONS:

1. Are you feeling okay right now?

2. What is the funniest thing you have ever first-hand witnessed/experienced in real life?

3. Who is/are the most important person/people in your life and why?

4. What is a memory that wouldn’t fail to make you smile like an idiot while you’re in public?

5. How did you come to your current obsession?

6. Why do you ship your OTP (either real-life or fiction)?

7. Let’s pretend speed and distance (lol basically velocity), and quality are the same, would you rather be in a plane or a ship in a storm where there are many lightnings and thunder involved in December?

8. What is the object that is most sentimental to you?

9. If you could be in any fictional world, which one would you explore, and will you or will you not interact with your favourite character? Why or why not?

10. What animal do you most relate to or you consider to be your spirit animal? Why or why not?

11. How do you define the word, “Happiness”?

Tags: @thank-you-for-being-with-me​ @sentimentalgenius​ @addignisherlock​ @randombiochemist​ @simpleanddestructivechemistry​ @its-sentimental-adlock​ @themissadventurer​ @sorrowsflower​ @throughtheparadox​ @theleftpill​ No pressure, guys! Also to anyone who wants to answer, too! I even tag those who tagged me.

[allbeendonebefore]

What are your favourite head/canon things about Alberta

[cracks knuckles] [stretches fingers]

so i’ll just start with a disclaimer - i use sherry’s/iamp/whatever alberta and i realize ive been getting a lot of followers who are part of rp groups and whatever or people who might be interested in adding some depth to their own ocs so feel free to like… think about these things if you want if you’re thinking of doing an alberta oc?? I guess

so since that mysterious slash implies what are my fave canonical things about AB too I’ll say that there isn’t much- I go with what sherry says on canon rather than IAMP and PC because while there are a lot of things I had influence over in both projos there are a lot of things I would have done differently so we’ll start with the bio

Canon Stuff

literally all the things are accurate sooo its hard lol. Obviously the political situation has changed and the economic situation is its usual rollercoaster (WELL… but thats another time). I gotta say that the ‘alberta beef is the best thing that’s ever happened to me’ is really hitting home right now because i didnt realize how SPOILED i was by AAA beef until I got to Ontario ToT (ngl the pork here is super good and saves me money but the BEEF aAAA)

also my edmonton bias shines through at ‘he hates a part of himself called calgary’ thats by far my second fave B)))

Headcanon Stuff

ok where to start I will try to not make this an essay and i can elaborate more if you’re curious

- a lot of people will wonder about whether a province lives in the capital or the biggest city etc. and I have to say in Bertie’s case it is NEITHER. He’d never willingly live in (d)E(a)dmonton (sorry ed ilu) because Ed represents Government which he Hates and while he would spend a fair bit of time in Calgary he gets claustrophobic/exhausted - he still in my mind represents more of the rural bits of the province than the cities. I think he might move around a little, but he probably lives on a ranch between both cities but within sight of the mountains. I’m sure he has a place to stay in each city, but he’s a country boy at heart and appreciates his space, peace and quiet. 

- Particularly space because Where else is he going to keep his 3 trucks + 2 ATVs + horses + 100000 cows + boat + canoe + kayak + all his camping junk + motorbikes + dirtbikes + tractor + other junk that people leave at his place

- that said his ‘birthplace’ is the southern ‘half’ of the province so he tends to kind of hover around there more- as i said he owns a ranch rather than a farm because the Quality Ranch Land is in the south and the Good Farm Land is in the north (and being eaten up by ugly houses ugh)

- still I think he spends a fair amount of time working up north in the Fort Mac area because Why Not make All the money. Even if you’re a rancher boy in the middle of nowhere, everyone in this province has ties to the oil industry one way or another. It wouldn’t make sense for him NOT to work in Oil and Gas because it’s literally the only job in the province lmao.

- His driving playlist consists of: Dean Brody, Corb Lund, Keith Urban, Ian Tyson, and the obligatory Nickelback which he listens to Un-ironically but also to piss off/drown out passengers when they’re annoying him

- He’s easily annoyed. By Everything. And Everyone. He’s the current national scapegoat and he takes it Extremely Personally depending on the context but also he has a relatively affectionate relationship with everyone and usually expresses his affection by pointed jabs. 

- like he literally gets along with everyone on a personal level and not just because he buys them drinks- his worst relationships are probably with BC and Ontario and that’s just because he lives to irritate them and they respond with an appropriate amount of salt. He still doesnt mind hanging out with them and bc/ab/on/qc is an unstoppable team. He just gets extremely sensitive when anyone asks to borrow money from him and will give you an earful of ‘i work SO HARD for this money to put FOOD on YOUR TaBLe’

- generally really tight fisted with money………. only when other people are looking. he makes a big deal about how little he spends on essential services and you just look at him like ‘so you’re saying you have the money to get all this crap for this rodeo coming up but you dont have the money to take yourself to the hospital after’ and hes like [coughs up blood anime style] ‘im ok i have whiskey and benadryl at home’ [adjusts his diamond studded hat]

- really big on loyalty and straightforward conversations and has NO patience for any hypocrisy or doublespeak no matter how small. The slightest of things can send him reeling with Betrayal. Also this makes him either tight lipped or TMI, there is no in between. 

- like literally reeling he’s very top heavy and you could blow him over with a sneeze, he’s all bark and only some bite. When he’s good he’s Real Good but when he’s bad he’s like a foot in the grave bad

- he’s the baby of the prairie bros but also the one with the brains- and i don’t mean in an academic sense i mean in the ‘so crazy it just might work’ sense. 

- literally he’s an idiot he doesnt understand how equalization payments work no matter how many times you explain it to him. He doesn’t understand a lot of things re: the economy but he never shuts up about them. 

- the easiest way to piss him off is to threaten his autonomy in any way, he will stop whatever he’s doing to put a boot up yer ass if you Dare suggest something like ‘why don’t you let ontario/canada take care of that for you’ even if he knows the way he’s doing something is garbage he will go out of his way to keep doing it because its ‘my way or the highway’. 

- ‘why do you have all those guns’ ‘oh you know hunting deer and stuff’ [really its because he’s terrified a rat is going to sneak into his barn or something] [but he does actually hunt] [and he’s the type of guy to have the ‘trespassers will be shot’ signs]

- I haven’t figured out WHAT truck he drives yet but i am PROUD OF HIM for no longer putting truck nuts on it, THANK GOD that went out of fashion. (That said he does not have the stacks- his truck is lifted and Shiny and also has a handful of Alberta Strong decals/stickers.) Newf probably gave him a sticker of “The Rock” or a nfld flag and he Loves it. On a scale of most to least obnoxious trucks its Mac - Bert - Cal - Ed. It’s probably a white truck.

- i should think about things he loves more, this headcanon list is mostly things that make him angry oops xDD he loves animals a lot, and not just to eat i swear. The bigger and the more horns the better.

- he really loves driving a lot, it’s like a big part of his independence factor. I think sometimes he will just drive aimlessly late at night/early morning when it’s not busy and just go and find somewhere to look at the sky.

- he looooves digging up fossils in his spare time, or just interesting rocks in general. If you say the words animatronic dinosaur he is ALREADY THERE

- he watches a lot of sci fi and really loves star trek. So Much. he’s totally attempted mowing crop circles in his lawn/fields probably multiple times. he’s still waiting for the ufos to come land. Also has a thing for spooky places and cryptids and those weird inexplicable twilight-zone like events that only happen on road trips. did i mention the Giant Roadside Attractions. 

- he has this persona of being a traditional/small-and-big-c conservative but he’s actually really into innovation and trying new things, meeting new people, etc. He interacts with so many different people lately that he’s trying to take the time to really re-evaluate himself and move away from the Klein-era “Severely Normal People” image because it doesn’t reflect him. The issue is he’s more likely to vote on economy rather than social issues so his actual progressiveness gets hidden by lack of political representation (and lets be honest he has Always hated politics). He’s got a lot of crap to sort through but he catches people who underestimate him off guard.

- was probably raised methodist/protestant/whatever but is mostly pretty secular, but he has some definite strong holdovers that make him uncomfortable about certain subjects and his first reaction to being uncomfortable is always anger.

- completely oblivious to being hit on or something or really gay situations around him but is that type of person who is like [cant walk too close to another dude because what if it looks gay bro].

- his fave cow is named buttercup

- he has definitely woken up after a night out with friends naked and alone duct taped to an air mattress and floating in the middle of a lake. true story. 

- he will macgyver his way out of any situation. doesn’t mind getting down and dirty in the mud when it’s necessary. exactly the type of person to shove his hands in bitumen and squish it around or to pick up a rock and lick it or to shove a thermometer up a cow. When he gets squeamish he does his best to be bullheaded and pretend like Nothing is Wrong until he faints. 

- his french is crap but he Tries- the french he knows is backwater northern AB french which he’s too shy to bring up so he feigns ignorance. His german is good and his ukrainian is passable, his spanish is fine, he’s trying to get the hang of some other languages but doesn’t tell anyone he’s practicing because he hates getting made fun of xD

- the hat and boots are Absolutely to make him look taller than he actually is. He doesn’t wear inserts but he does make sure the sole/heel on any boot he buys is Thick. Smol insecure man with a Big hat. Will spend 300 bucks on shoes, but he actually does ride/work so its an investment for him. 

- heads to Arizona/Mexico in the winter when he’s not working, otherwise Banff/Jasper are his ‘budget’ vacations lol. 

i love this stupid province pls ask if you have any more questions because i love to talk and i feel like i’ve said too much already lol

[unproduciblesmackdown]

primes And multiples of 8

oh Thank You this sure turned out to be a bunch of questions lol, what else is better for keeping occupied on go stupid sunday

2: Favorite book?

lbh i don’t have one 

3: Favorite fictional character?

oh god lmao i mean again when it comes to Favorite ___ i have no *real* answers but atm i keep just sitting here staring at the quant don’t i

5: What’s your favorite fictional ship? (Canon or otherwise)

even with the “i don’t have Favorite anything” factor even this is always like. my ass doesn’t know how to Not like, think up a good half dozen or more potential relationships or whatever and decide they’re all fun……im rarely like “wow even narrowed down to this one particular Media i live and die by this otp within it”…….boring answer but really like even if this was applied Just to some particular work where i’m [staring at a Fave] or whatever i still dunno if there’s anything where i’m not #about [multiple possible Relationships]

7: List 3 negative traits you have

ooh fantastic. let’s lump “Too: passive / avoidant / nonconfrontational” into one, rest in pieces u_u. #2 im a lil temperamental lmao like, bit too much sometimes. #3 despite number one there i also don’t have a world of restraint lmfao which is just like. how i be but can certainly be a downside sometimes

8: How does someone become important to you?

idk i virtually always meet ppl via Mutual Interest……my social sphere is mainly “friendly acquaintances” or whatever where it’s like i may or may not have talked to most of them in the past >[0.5 years]………just a process really of “we Keep Interacting” and “we like each other” lmao like. it’s both very not difficult and also. difficult lol

11: How do you decide when it’s time to cut someone out of your life for good?

uhh not like there’s a strict analytical methodology here but i guess it’s like “hmm this person makes me p miserable / i do not even actually like having them in my life” lmao

13: What are your favorite lyrics currently?

ooh the “currently” Might make a Favorite question easier but i don’t even have Favorite Lyrics Currently lmao. it’s lucky if i’m even paying attention well enough to stuff to absorb the lyrics the first like dozen times i listen to a song and also i’m rarely like “oo Resonant” when it comes to lyrics anyway?? does it count if more than survive gets stuck in my head….even then it’s like. i always like the “of all the characters at school i am not the one who the story’s about” while Blatantly Being The Protagonist lmao b/c like…..idk i never like story structures where the protagonist is just like clearly kinda elevated like Obviously The Hero B/c They’re Better Than Everyone Around Them or something like more important / deserving than other people and i definitely find it harder to care about / connect with Protagonists / ~main characters~ who are treated like that. and obviously bmc is really not about that either lmao i appreciate that a lot

16: What is something you really want?

i think we can all agree our lives could be improved with money. also….in these times of covid…….. :| would want literal immunity for people……..april 2020……

17: If you could make a wish, what would you wish for if you knew it would come true?

i mean damn see above like. got the Wish Tiers like “personal things re: myself in particular” and “for people i personally know / smaller stuff i care about” but like damn in this day and age especially it’d be like well, Humanity Not Being Destroyed is kinda a thing isn’t it. can’t have any slightly more fun wishes b/c these [systems] will be like [exists and affects everything horribly]

19: How do you handle heartbreak? Is it something that’s easy for you to get over, or something you struggle with?

is it easy for anyone to get over!! i don’t have to deal with romantic heartbreak though which i guess is what it means. galaxy braining that issue lmfao

23: What do you want your future to be like?

man ties in with 16 and 17 but also like we sure exist under capitalism always don’t we, and it’s tricky when like “it would be nice to have a small personal apartment to live in wouldn’t it” is this fever dream for all of us. but it Would be nice. having the time and money for Making Food whenever you feel like, right. it’s always like “if i was in a situation where i could just bake something due to Feeling like it i’d probably be doing okay” lmao. love to have access to healthcare someday. it’s all like depressingly low standards that are also depressingly ~unrealistic~ lol like i do not Ponder the future much. i also don’t have like, longtime aspirations/dreams or even Not longtime ones so i can’t be like “would love to have a career in/doing ___” but also yknow im good with I Don’t Need A Dream Job, would just like jobs to be non-horrible and to have time to like, do shit on my own outside of that, b/c that’s what i like to do lol…..but then also it would be fun to like, one way or another, get to spend a lot of time putting effort into some kind of in-some-way-Collaborative Project / Endeavor and get to be really engaged. the idea of getting to be around multiple people who it’s fun to be around and it doesn’t feel super temporary is Wild like, intimidating to listen to “the bar song” b/c i’ll just cry after 3 seconds. also i just like to be around people like, used to think that being anxious and all i wouldn’t want to live in a city but probably the opposite’s true….yeah i like to have a space where i can be alone / unobserved but i also like to at any time be able to be Amongst ppl even if not interacting with them (and also im usually more relaxed interacting w/ strangers than ppl i know)…….but really i have no details i’m just fingers crossed that at any given time i’m more than a couple steps away from like the post about [body wearing the funniest hat you’ve ever seen] lmfao and like. would rather not die in a pandemic either

24: Have you ever met someone you never thought you’d become close to?

in an “and i was right” way, sure lol, but otherwise i don’t think so

29: Do you think zodiac signs can influence someone’s personality to an extent?

it’s like Not Really But How Would I Know and yet i’m gonna kill everybody doing the shit just treating it like alternate myer-briggs types like delete your tweets 

31: What does ‘self care’ look like for you? 

#selfcare idk. me passing out or making the effort of getting food? great to step outside and pet a cat i guess but also that’s just fun. i don’t have a real methodology or approach here either. is me reblogging ask memes to ask for attention / distraction self care? is Napping to reset the mood self care? you be the judge

32: If you could go back in time and re-live your life up to this point, knowing everything that you know now, would you make different decisions?

eh not really……tfw everything that is the way it is now including “knowing what you know now” is a result of everything having happened exactly the way it already did……..

37: Have you ever been surprised by someone staying in your life?

i’m like Only surprised by it

40: What makes you feel confident?

thinking abt the tweet(?) which is like “when ur walking around in public pretend crazy in love is playing”……being around the lgbtqs obviously…..feeling able to Be Funny b/c like. that depends on the people i’m around too lol.

41: How do you show you care?

love languages……..uh i will do Favors. acts of service or whatever lol. i also like to give gifts. compliments??? idk it’s hard to judge this lmao i will cheer someone on, usually figuratively lol…….Liking A Tweet idk. an attempt was made

43: Which of the seven deadly sins do you feel represents you the most?

we need better sins. am i vainglorious for being opinionated / stubborn. "being not cishet” probably would be considered lust, and that’s a pretty important thing lmao. lust for life….the illicit sexual desire of being An Lgbtq…… i feel like i can be impatient, so i supposed that’s wrathfulness……hard to choose just one and yet again also. the list bites

47: What are you passionate about?

easily a lot of stuff that i find Engaging b/c i’m just sort of like that but i mean. easy answer is just: [interests]

48: Have you ever started to try learning about a subject only to realize it’s not something you enjoy?

not really……if i’m trying to learn something myself i probably had some level of “already knowing i like it to some degree” to even have the motivation in the first place

[beckettsthoughts]

1-100. Yes. All the questions cause I'm feeling generous and cause nobody ever asks me shit, so I'll ask others instead. Ur welcome~~~

Oh man, this is amazing! Thank you so much

I’m a huge fan of answering questions, so this really means a lot to me. It took a while, meaning some of these answers are in fact relevant to early this afternoon and not right now, but everything else is still accurate. It’s going to be a long ride, so I hope you’re ready ^^

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

There are several boys and several girls in my life, and a variety of non-binary people, none of whom I’m dating. My best friend is the #1 boy, though.

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

If I’m honest, yeah. Wouldn’t really want to be close with them again, but I can’t hold grudges. It’s just not nice or entertaining or fun, anymore, being bitter. Letting things go is the easiest route.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

I mean, I think of cats? Which is fairly obvious. Particularly the old cat that used to live next door to us who made a home out of our garden; his name was Tigger. Perhaps also the cat I used to look after when some of my neighbours went on holiday, who was called Bill. I’m actually allergic to cats, though, so aside from Bill I’ve done my best not to get too close to them.

4: What’s something you really want right now?

An acoustic guitar. Or a polaroid camera, but I’m actually getting that this afternoon.

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

No, it just doesn’t really appeal to me. I’ve never had crushes, and I’m content with my close friends. I’m indifferent, really.

6: Do you like the beach?

Not really. It’s nice to go for walks along the beach in the winter, but the whole atmosphere of a hot, crowded beach loses its charm after living near one for so long. I don’t like the sea, because it hurts my skin, and sand isn’t much better. The sun gives me headaches, too. I’m not very outdoorsy, one could say.

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

No. I’ve slept on a couch before, not often but a few times, but never with anyone else. It sounds uncomfortable, to be honest.

8: What’s the background on your cell?

Currently, it’s the souvenirs I bought from the Louvre. Before that, it’s always been landscapes from around the island.

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

My own, my mother’s, my best friend’s, and a hotel bed in Paris.

10: Do you like your phone?

Yes I do. My old one was on it’s last legs before I renewed my contract and got my current phone, I forgot what it’s like to have a phone that works properly. It has a decent amount of memory, it links to my laptop and it works better than any phone I’ve had in the past. So yeah, I like it.

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Surprisingly, yes. I really didn’t think I’d get to this point. I’ve been set on the path towards university since the age of eleven when I decided I wanted to be an author, and here I am with a ferry ticket to the mainland and an unconditional offer for a Creative Writing course. I finished my GCSEs, which were the toughest two years of my life, and I completed my A Levels, which were the best two years of my life. Back when I was fifteen I didn’t think I’d even live this long, let alone fulfil the plans I’d laid out for myself, but I think it’s happening. I’m so happy it’s happening.

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

My friend Alex, actually. I’d never had his number before I was invited into a group chat with him, so that was the last contact I made on my phone.

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

A poodle. They’re so fluffy and they seem like really sweet dogs. I have a lot of fond memories of having toy poodles in Nintendogs, but in real life I think I’d like a miniature poodle the most.

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional pain, by far. Can’t take painkillers for a broken heart like you can for a broken bone.

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Probably the zoo. I love art museums, I do, but I love conservation zoos a lot. I’ve been to two particular zoos several times, Durrell Wildlife Park (now just called Jersey Zoo) and also Marwell Zoo, both of which do amazing work in caring for and helping re-establish endangered species. I know zoos have a lot of ethical problems, but if you can find a trustworthy zoo that focuses on research and conservation I think it’s justifiable.

16: Are you tired?

Not really. The summer is one of the few times I can actually get enough sleep.

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

My whole life.

18: Are they a relative?

Yeah, it’s my mum.

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Don’t have any exes, but if I did I’d probably say no.

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

Again, never had a kiss in the romantic sense. In a non-romantic sense, my mother, and I spoke to her this morning.

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

No, even if I had a “right person” I’d want to get through university at least before marrying them.

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

No answer for the romantic context of kissing, but on the platonic side again it’s my mother so again, yes.

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

Two; a woven rainbow friendship that a friend gave me and also a black faux-leather cord bracelet.

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

Per aspera ad astra. Through adversity to the stars.

25: What’s on your mind?

The appointment I have this afternoon. I’m getting kind of anxious about it.

26: Do you have any tattoos?

No, but I would love some florals.

27: What is your favourite colour?

I don’t have a single favourite colour, but I really like pale oranges and dark purples.

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

No idea.

29: Who are you texting?

My best friend, @skyward-sheik. He asked about making an angsty vampire playlist, so now I am sending him song suggestions.

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

I’m genuinely considering ignoring most of the ‘kissing ones’, now.

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Uh, yeah. Many times. I can’t think of a specific occasion, though, but I know it’s happened.

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

This is a complicated question, for me. I don’t technically have an opposite gender and I don’t really think in terms of opposite sex, but I have plenty of friends who differ from me in one or both aspects. Like, most of my friends, probably. I am friends with plenty of other non-binary people too, though, it’s just that most of the people I know are cis or binary trans, which is different to me.

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I’d be surprised. Literally only one person has ever had feelings for me and that was when we were like, twelve.

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Surprisingly often. I don’t think they’re particularly remarkable, but they’re quite bright blue. They can look especially bright, depending on my hair colour at any given time. I like them.

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

No comment.

36: Were you single on Valentine’s Day?

Always, but my best friend wished me a happy Valentine’s and I wished him the same in return.

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

No comment. Sorry, there are a lot of questions about kissing that I can’t really answer.

38: What do your friends call you?

Beckett, or Becks for short. I also get B, Bucket, and Pineapple, all of which I’m very fond of.

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

My stepfather. But that’s like, daily.

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

Yeah, I’ve had some pretty brutal ones. I’ve spent lot of time crying over texts and messages, but thankfully not very recently.

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

My right shin.

42: What is it from?

Bashed it against a table-leg. Surprise, surprise; those things are lethal.

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

The last time I wanted to escape was on the ferry back from my last holiday. I have a phobia of sickness, emetophobia, and I started feeling seasick halfway through the two-hour journey. I rarely get seasick any more because I have over-the-counter medications for it, but my usual brand were unavailable and this new and supposedly better brand clearly didn’t do it’s job. I had to go out on deck in the freezing cold, without a coat, and stay there for the last half hour of the trip. I was shaking both from the cold and from the fear, and I honestly would have given anything right then to be on dry land.

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

I really hate phone calls. My mother is the only one who’ll call me despite knowing this. So, her.

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

My lace up boots are one of my most prized possessions.

46: Do you wear hats if you’re having a bad hair day?

I wear hats even when I’m having a good hair day. But yes, I definitely wear hats to hide it when my hair won’t behave the way I want it too.

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Yeah, probably. I already want to buzz my hair really short at some point, shaving it completely feels like the logical next step. I’d probably only do it if it was a really huge trend, though.

48: Do you make supper for your family?

Uh, no. I make food for myself, every lunchtime, but my mum makes tea in the evenings. I don’t think they’d let me cook for them, in all honesty, I don’t have the best track record when it comes to making food.

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

Yes, thankfully. I don’t know if I’d be able to cope without one. I mean, with the amount of times people walk right in without knocking it may as well not have one, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

50: Top 3 web-pages?

Tumblr, Youtube, Google Drive.

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Not off the top of my head. I’m sure there are people I know who hate it. I hate it, depending on the type of shopping. Shoe shopping is the ultimate adversity, I think, but regular food shopping is a close second.

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

Not really, right at this moment. I have a mouth ulcer that’s been painful for the last week or so, but it’s pretty much healed now.

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Yes and no, it really depends. It’ll be hard to say goodbye when I move off the island in September, though, that’s for sure.

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Water, thankfully. I don’t drink much else.

55: How is your hair?

Pretty messy, underneath my hat. I’m going to style it properly before I go out this afternoon, though.

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Check my phone, drink something, and then go through my morning skincare routine.

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

Yeah, but it’s very dependent on circumstances.

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Yes. I was also eight years old, so it’s not much of a surprise.

59: Green or purple grapes?

Purple grapes.

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

I expect I will hug my nan before I go down to the bus stop, so in about half an hour.

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

I wish I was in Los Angeles, always.

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

I will text my mother to let her know I’m on my way to meet her.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Probably where I am right now, on my corner of the sofa. I’m going out soon, but I’ll be home by then.

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning?

Sleeping.

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Never had crushes, but obviously I liked people in the platonic sense. Most of them I still like now.

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Yes, and that person is @skyward-sheik. I’m also going to give this to @clarinooty, who is a veritable ray of sunshine.

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Not yet.

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I was thinking about the story I’d just been reading, and also about my plans and schedule for today.

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yes. In a work sense, this is always happening, but I’ve also experienced this with friendships before.

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

How many windows? Like 3. How many tabs though? 29.

71: How many fingers do you have?

Eight fingers and two thumbs, the whole set.

72: What is your ringtone?

Boulevard of Broken Dreams, but my phone is always on silent and do-not-disturb so I rarely hear my ringtone.

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Nineteen.

74: Where is your mum right now?

At work.

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

Never been in love, so I can’t really answer this.

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

No, I don’t think so.

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Most of them, yeah. I actually met my best friend just a little bit over two years ago, and look at us. There have been a couple of pretty significant changes, but I feel like the two of us are stronger than ever.

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in Year 7?

Again, doesn’t really apply.

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

No, weirdly enough.

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

I’m sure I have, when I was younger. Pretty sure most people do when they’re like, babies and toddlers. Not since then, though.

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

In a crush sense, nobody. In a platonic sense, too many to count.

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

No.

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

I will talk to a person I like, in a friendship sense. I talk to my friends every night.

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t really get the wording of this? I guess it means who would I be with? I don’t drink, but if I did I would probably be with my best friend and our other two close friends.

85: If your boyfriend/girlfriend was into drugs would you care?

Yeah, I would. Probably not if it was just like, weed, but anything else I would be pretty unhappy about.

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

Uh, I can’t think. The last movie I saw was Wonder Woman, but there was nothing eventful that happened when I went to see it. I don’t know if our grotty little cinema could cope with eventful happenings, if I’m honest.

87: Who was your last received call from?

My mother.

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

No, I’d feel awful.

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Money, which is the obvious answer, but also musical instruments and cool gadgets.

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Yeah. Way too much. I would say I’ll try not to make the same mistake again, but I’m pretty easily trusting. Having all of my insecurities thrown back in my face was the worst feeling in the world, though.

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

No, I can’t stand open windows. It’s just like, willingly inviting annoying insects into your room.

92: Do you get along with girls?

Yeah, usually I do. Pretty much all of my friends in school have been girls, because I naturally tend to gravitate towards them. They’re much nicer than most of the boys at my school were, and I found them way easier to speak to and joke about with. I have a mix of friends now, but yeah. I get along with girls.

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

No, not that I can think of.

94: Does sex mean love?

Not inherently, no.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

No comment.

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

No comment.

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Yes, just like I have every week of my life.

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

Yeah, I mentioned already but my best friend is that for me. He can lift my mood just by saying hi, you know?

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nope.

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

I don’t think I’ve made a pinky promise since primary school, meaning it was probably my best friend at the time. He’s still a very good friend of mine now, but I couldn’t possibly remember what our last pinky promise would have been about, or whether or not we kept it.

[talesfromtheabyss]

Blaze of Glory

Having barely survived a fight with Juiblex, but cheered by not only defeating him, but saving Auramycos from infection, the party returned to Araj.

Vizeran had finished the construction of the Dark Heart, a five pound black rock that would act as a talisman at the center of the final ritual to draw the demon lords together. Vizeran's plan is to pull all of them to the same location (much like they were pulled from The Abyss to this plane) where their mutual hatred should cause them to fight. The hope is that they will fight until they are dispatched back to The Abyss and that only one, weakened lord would remain. It would then be the party's job to finish that last one off and rid the Underdark and this plane of them all.

Vizeran has two remaining requests: The party must head to Menzoberranzan and gain entrance to the Sorcere where they can find Gromph's Grimoire. The book he used to perform the original summoning ritual. Vizeran will need it to perform this similar ritual. Furthermore, Vizern tells the party with grim determination that the Dark Heart must be placed somewhere in Menzoberranzan for the ritual to work correctly (since that's where the demon lords entered the plane to begin with). He said the best chance for success is to leave it in the Sorcere itself.

Grin Ousstyl offers to guide the party via a safe and secret path to the Drow city. The party accepts and begins a twelve day journey via path Vizeran has shaped from stone over many, many years. There is no danger, but the party becomes aware that Grin is distracted and troubled by something he claims is just his sadness that his childhood home will have to suffer so greatly to solve this problem.

They all reach the end of the and make their way out of a secret door in the Westrift and find themselves in the neighborhood of West Wall. The party decides to simply head for the Bazaar in hopes of finding a contact with the secretive Council of Spiders. Vizeran has sent word ahead with this group to assist the party if they can. As the party moves quickly through West Wall, they begin to hear odd clicking sounds that sound like rocks and sticks being knocked together. As they move from street to street, the clicking increases in rate and number of sources. Finally, the party notices young Drow bouncing from roof to roof and gradually gathering numbers as they move through the area. As they finally leave the neighborhood, the collection of youth seem to stop at an imaginary boundary taunting them with the noisemakers. But, they do no more.

As the party enters the Bazaar, they realize that much of it has been heavily damaged and flattened. Grin explains that this is the result of the Demogorgon. Several merchants are moving about attempting to clean up and re-open, but it is a depressing scene. The party soon realizes that those working are keeping their eyes down as they are being watched by several patrols of town guards to prevent looting. One patrol spots the unusual party and comes over to ask their business. Grin claims he is leading you all to one of the main houses in an effort to fulfill a job they have. The guards seem skeptical, but let everyone go.

Grin decides it would be good to head towards Duthcloim, just east of the Bazaar, to find a pub and inn more friendly to outsiders. He seems to get turned around in this district, but does finally find an inn he is looking for. As they wandered, though, the party realized they are being followed by a Drow attempting to stay out of sight.

At the inn, Grin finally reveals that he is conflicted about the part of the plan to place the Dark Heart in Menzoberranzan. He has followed much of Vizeran's preparations and believes that the location of the Dark Heart is irrelevant. Having seen his hometown again, he is now resolved to not let the party place the talisman here. Whatever it takes he wants to place it elsewhere.

After much posturing within the spy in the inn, the party finally learns that their follower is a representative of Bregan D'Aerthe. Once he learns that you are attempting to send the demon lords back to where they came from, he believes his leader would want to talk to them. Agreeing to meet, the party is led to a safe house back in West Wall, but surrounded by several guards. Later that day, they are taken to a large, but run down house back in the west of town where they meet Jarlaxle who is an unusually chipper and suave Drow wearing an eyepatch and large hat. He confirms the party's claim that they are attempting to rid the world of the demon lords. Once he learns that they need to get into Sorcere (the Drow wizard school), he agrees to put the party in touch with the Council of Spiders who will have a way for them to sneak in. As the party leaves, he gives a deep bow and with a smile says, "Thank you for visiting House Do'Urden"

The party eventually meets up with a member of the Council who gives them a password to disable the wards for an hour within Sorcere and scrolls of greater invisibility so they can get inside. Combined with a casting of "Pass Without a Trace", the party makes its way into Gromph's private chambers without much difficulty.

Through a series of events involving a four-armed statue coming to life, a secret door with a dark void beyond, Philis becoming entrapped in a diamond, and a desk with bottomless drawers, the party is able to access Gromph's inner sanctum. At this point Grin and Killak are stuck in an outer room, Philis is entrapped, and Kelkoa, Ashin, and Xen have to face the unexpected sight of a Drow priestess stuck in a magic circle in this inner sanctum.

Once those three realize where Philis is, they find her diamond jail and carry it with them. The priestess claims that she can help release their friend if they just break the circle and free her. Against their better sense, they do release her and she immediately attacks. While the party fights valiantly (briefly fearing that the are fighting Lolth herself), the priestess is killed and returns to her natural form which looks something like a lump of yellow mud... with eyes. But, the room does contain the grimoire and the party grabs it and runs.

As they exit Sorcere and move quickly through the Bazaar they hear a commotion coming from the direction they need to go. Soon, they hear a mad voice screaming above the general hubbub of the crowd. Through the crowd they can only see a non-Drow creature running as fast as it can with some kind of orange necklace above its head. They see several Drow guards racing behind. As this creature stops and begins to rant some awfully racist (against the Drow) things and claiming that it is this city and this race's fault that the demon lords are here at all, the party finally sees who it is. A filthy, crazed Anar is holding the necklace of fireballs over her head and is clearly planning to blow herself and much of the bazaar up.

As she finishes her rant and moves to throw the necklace, Kelkoa attempts to disable her. Anar is hit in the wrist, but holds on to the necklace. Another shot from the party delays her a bit more, but finally they realize that there's no stopping her. Worse, even if they do talk her down, they will be drawing attention to themselves and putting the entire plan at risk. So, with a lump in their throat, they let Anar complete her mission. She disappears in an intense fireball that seems to explode repeatedly. They party makes its way back to the secret tunnel in the commotion.

As the party is walking back, Philis is finally able to dispel the magic of her prison and is released, destroying an enormous diamond. They also discuss how they might follow through with the ritual without placing the Dark Heart in the city.

When they return to Vizeran and explain that they must place the Dark Heart elsewhere, he is having none of it. He is glad that the party has retrieved the grimoire, but insists that they return to place the talisman somewhere in the city...anywhere. The party leaves, but working with Grin they decide to head south towards the Darklake instead and look for a battlefield of their choosing and place the Talisman there. To avoid tipping Vizeran that they've gone a different direction, they know they must get to where they want to be in twelve days or fewer.

So, they leave without being absolutely sure that the ritual will even work in a different location and having no idea exactly where they are headed. Vizeran's carefully arranged ritual to rid the Underdark of the demon lords is now depending on the party and a plan they are making up as they go.

[loving-jack-kelly]

even numbers for the ask!!

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Assuming this is alive person, either Jeremy Jordan or Lucas Steele, probably.

4: What do you think about most?

If I’m being entirely honest, I’m usually thinking about Newsies in some capacity

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Why would you wear clothes to sleep, no clothes allows for more blankest no matter the weather

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are sweet and kind and supportive, mostly, and boys are very cute, sometimes.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Like twenty minutes ago

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

I used to drink through a straw in my nose just to prove I could, so yeah, I’d say so

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

either hiking or riding my bike

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Uhhh...I dont? Listen to many bands, mostly just Broadway albums, so The Dixie Chicks are a good band, and Newsies

18: Do you believe in karma?

yeah

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is probably my constant anxiety that stops me from doing things, but my greatest strength is probably that I’m a good listener

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

No but I’ve thought about it

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Hats

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yes. I’m still growing, but I’m better now than I’ve ever been

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I came out, what would happen?

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

My right hand hit a dirty ice cream bowl from earlier today, and my left hit my pillow pet, Mocha the Monkey

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

I went to the dump in Guatemala City and it was the hardest place I’ve ever been to.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Laura Osnes is beautiful

36: Define Art.

Art is something that means different things to different people, but that affects them in some way and requires some kind of creativity to create. Chronically underappreciated by society as a whole.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Hot and sunny and I hate it

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Technically I’m not supposed to drive yet bc I don’t have my permit but I have, and the closest I’ve come to crashing was hitting the curb once

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes I think it’s nice

44: What was the last film you saw?

I just finished watching Holes as I was answering some of the questions before this one

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

No I don’t want to hurt them

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

I’m ace! And have absolutely no clue what my romantic orientation is but I like boys and maybe girls? Idk I’m confused.

50: Do you believe in magic?

small magic, not big magic. Like spells and stuff? not really. but little unexplainable things as small magic? yeah.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Aries!

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Body Wash from CVS

56: In a relationship?

Ha no

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No, but my dad can

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

My MiMi, which is a stuffed animal thing I’ve had since I was a baby (who never got a gender so props to six year old me for having a genderfluid toy since the gender changed based on what I was playing)

62: What’s your favourite animal?

SAOLA! ARE SO COOL! SAVE THE SAOLA!

64: Where is your best friend?

At home, I assume. Maybe the doctors, since she just got knee surgery

66: What is your heritage?

I’m 50% Norwegian, 25% French-Canadian, and 25% who knows what

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

my instinct is to say Maveradakis

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I think so, but I feel like I’m exhausting to be around so probably more of a school friend than a hanging out friend

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. 

a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? 

I would tell my family and maybe my close friends

b) What do you do with your remaining days? 

see all the shows I possible could, meet cast members, come out to my family, I hope, and spend time with the people close to me

c) Would you be afraid?

Not really, no

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Belief by Ben Fankhauser

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Communication, lots of laughter, and comfort around each other

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

It depends on the person, I think

80: What size shoes do you wear?

Nine and a half women’s

82: What is your favourite word?

Murky is a fun word

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

I’m dying squirtle

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

The color purple that a mountain is during a sunrise

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Idk I don’t think I’d be able to do it

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

cry and not get out of bed until they went away and then never sleep again, most likely

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the half hour at the Miracle Worker cast party full of Chris stories, I was eating kitkats and Hunter and Simon were telling stories and I was laughing so hard, it was wonderful

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Probably Jeremy Jordan tbh

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

As far as I know? No. But I have so many I’m sure somewhere one of my cousins is in jail.

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yeah but I hate flying because it makes my ears pop so bad

[hairrfashion]

Top 10 Easy and Effective Things About Wig Care

 Wha's the issue every wig user concerned about? There is nothing like being in a grocery store and starting to wonder if someone is gazing at you as if they know that your hair isn't yours. Why? Is that your poor-quality wig that makes people dubious? Quality affects appearance, and it depends on the price—you'll get what you pay for.  But not just that, though. A wig will end up in the fry, filthy, and oily without any care regardless of the cost. Whether or not people can tell if you are wearing a wig depends not just on the quality of your wig, but also how well you take care of it. In reality, they are our second hair and give us every day fresh confidence. The great thing about synthetic wigs is that they require very little care and maintenance. With a synthetic wig, you can have perfect hair every day with almost no effort.  Here are some tips to keep your wig fresher, more complete, and more beautiful than ever. 

Watch out for heating devices 

It hurts the hair when it's too hot! There are tools to do that, rinse, curl, straighten! But only moderately! — Preferably, keep the hair dry, ensuring that the hair is cleaner and silky. Check it, yes, you 're going to look at it! — Take care of the use of heating devices. Just use your wig, where possible, for heat devices like blow dryers, iron, curling iron, etc. We damage the hair over time to make it dry to easier to peel.— Use the blow dryer in the cold air mode if you can't wait for the hair to naturally dry and want to blow dry or straighten up. This refers specifically to somewhat wavy hair. We certainly suggest the ar drying for curly or wavy hair, on the other hand! —When the wig is dry, use your fingertips or a wide-tooth comb to make the hairstyle you like. It's not advised to comb it when it's damp so it won't spoil. The trick to taking good care of your wig is always to comb it until it's dry. 

Use special wig products

Traditional shampoos and conditioners have harsh chemicals that can permanently ruin your wig, and your wig hair isn't going to fix itself over time like natural hair, particularly if it's synthetic. The secret to wig care is to use 

shampoos and conditioners specially made for wigs. 

In reality, you 're saying that it's YOUR hair and that it deserves the best! 

Use premium materials that are suited to the texture of the hair (wavy, kinky, smooth, etc.). 

Use exclusive shampoos and treatments for blond hair.

 You paid decent money for your wig, spend on high-quality items to keep it in good condition.  Say it to us: "Not all shampoos and conditioners are made equal."  You know that, we know that, the stylist knows that. Only your husband-who insists he's all right with Pert and he's been secretly using your shampoo for the last 25 years-knows it. 

Wear your wig less frequently than not 

We 're not asking you not to wear a wig every day. We 're suggesting you not going to wear the same wig every day.  In time, the color disappears, the threads tend to fly, and the overall visibility decreases.  If you're a day-to-day wig wearer, we recommend buying

 two wigs

. The fewer you wear a specific wig, the longer it lasts. In fact, rotating would encourage you to take better care of your wigs on "off" days. 

Take off the wig when sleeping or bathing

You've always found the best way to wash your wig, so do that, and please, never spray your wig on, just take it off while it's raining too heavily. The sleeping part, well, you don't want to leave it all twisted and full of knots in the night. 

Visit your stylist!

Styling wigs is a different process than designing natural hair.  If you need to style your wig, it's safer if you take it to an expert, there are a lot of salons specialized in the treatment and design of wigs. So your stylist will be able to offer you some tips and tricks to dress your wig without harming it.  Most significantly, if you make a mistake of cutting your wig on your own or use too much heat, it will be permanently ruined. Your stylist went to school to learn how to trim real hair and wig hair, and she's much less likely to screw things up!  Best to check-in with your stylist any time you buy a wig. Different wig comes in various styles, so it's nice to get every piece of advice.  

Not wash your wig frequently

There is no need to wash your hair too much—it will dry your hair out and make it lose shine. The same applies to wigs whether fake or natural hair wigs. If you have one wig, wait a couple of days between the washes to preserve the wig 's natural gloss.  If you have alternatives then wear wigs in a rotating way and wash each wig after using. 

Learn how to wash a wig properly

The days of rubbing shampoo on the hair are gone.  Doing that's going to spoil your wig, and sooner or later you will need to buy a new one. So it's necessary to follow some scientific steps that specific to a wig： —Soak the hair in soapy water for a few minutes. Then gently comb the shampoo over it.  —Gently rinse the wig in cool or lukewarm water, shake back and forth. Continue until all the wig is clean. —Repeat steps one and two for conditioning products.  —Untangle the wig using a detangling brush, not normal brushes, it will damage the fiber. —Spray a little conditioner spray onto wet hair and let the wig air dry. Best done from a distance of 20-30 cm. If you want to see more detail process with pictures, click on this article:

13 Quick Steps Regarding How To Wash A Synthetic Wig

Back away from the pollution

We can't imagine how pollution and urban turmoil are attacking us every day, and our hair is the first hitter of these upheavals. The accumulation of fine particles, dust, sweat, and also styling products makes your hair heavy and clunky. They swell up and get tangled quite. Here's how to deal with it! 

Wash your hair as soon as you feel it is less smooth, the curls are less defined, and you find it more difficult to comb it.

Rinse the hair with cool water and add a teaspoon of apple vinegar or alcohol to the basin.

Do not use too many hair care and styling products. A few drops a day are enough. The excess of products weighs down your hair and makes it difficult to handle. It would also need you to have frequent shampoo, which would complicate your routine.

Take care of your own hair at the same time

Frequently clean and 

condition your own hair

! Wearing a wig is not a reason for your hair to be dirty or unmanageable and dry. When you put on your wig, always tie or pull your hair back in a way that doesn't show. I recommend that you use a cap to make it easier to hide your hair and keep it clean. Here are some good ways to do it:

Putting on a satin hat is comfortable to wear and soft on your hair. 

Tie your hair up in a bun or, for curly or wavy hair, make a braid. Besides to retaining hydration, this will prevent them from getting tangled while you sleep. 

Spread your pillow with a square of silk. Your hair and the pillowcase are going to thank you! 

Never sleep with damp hair, always make sure it is completely dry before you go to bed. If they dry out while you're sleeping around, they might get tangled up the next morning. If it's too late because you've been shampooing in the evening instead of in the morning or on the weekend, braid it and/or protect it as indicated above.

Keep your wig covered and upright between uses

When you're not wearing your wig, make to store it properly. Keep your wig in a cool place. If you haven't learned anything else to read this post, it should be that heat and wigs are a dangerous combination. Keep the certain humidity of the room in which you store your wigs, especially if the climate around you is dry. The humidifier keeps your wig from drying out. Put your wig hair on a mannequin head (an expensive styrofoam one is fine) or 

a wig stand

. To shield the wig from damage and dust, use a light cover. Extra professional advice:- Do not cook with the wig on and never open the oven with it on your head. - Try not to use lacquer and if you do, use lacquer specially designed for wigs. - Synthetic wigs cannot be dyed, so try not to expose it to the sun for a long time to prevent spoiling its color. - If you want to add volume to your wig, remember to shake it before putting it on. - Handle your hair when using shampoo or when the wig is wet. Remember to use fingers or wides combs when applying conditioner or mask. - Avoid washing with too hot water so as not to soften the fasteners which could slip and fall. Do not add any products containing alcohol or oil on the lace when removing your wig for shampoo. - Make your shampoos and treatments quietly on weekends while taking your time and having fun. - Do not brush your hair too fiercely. Choose your brush wisely, preferably with spikes, and use only broad teeth combs. Place your hand on the core of - Strengthen the knots of your lace wig by adding a product specially designed for this purpose. If you have any questions about our hair and wigs, don't hesitate to send us an email at hairrfashion@gmail.com. It would be our pleasure to help you!Remember to share ;)

[sempiternalsandpitturtle]

Tips for a winning content marketing team structure

Just one thing separates a bad content marketing team from no content marketing team: the cost.

Far from “the poor man’s copywriting”, content marketing has evolved into a multimedia practice that demands creativity, expert analytics and highly synchronised execution. Half measures will do little more than waste your time and money.

That’s why step No. 1 in structuring a winning content marketing team is unequivocal buy-in. You have to want to create a dream team. We’re talking “1980 US Olympic hockey team” good.

Via buzzfeed.com

If that’s you, you’ve come to the right place.

Let’s find out what gold-medal content marketing teams are made of.

Part 1: Form

What kind of team are you?

Content marketing teams come in all shapes and sizes.

Yours might be an in-house operation with a substantial budget. It could be completely outsourced to a third party with strict caps on monthly spend and only one internal contact. It might be a combination, where a small marketing team oversees the content marketing activities of an external agency.

We’ve even encountered one-person operations, where a single person acts as content strategist, creator and promoter.

Whatever the case, the shoe needs to fit.

You have to be realistic about your organisation’s – or business unit’s – internal capabilities. This may mean making certain trade-offs to operate within your budget. Our advice? Always err on the side of quality. One really strong, well-promoted asset will always outperform five pieces of content that are just OK.

On a more concrete level, any content marketing team must exhibit certain cultural values if it hopes to excel across core functions.

Shared project ownership

“Build marketing programs around motivated individuals. Give them the environment and support they need, and trust them to get the job done.”

– The Agile Marketing Manifesto

We cannot overstate the importance of caring. From the outset, every stakeholder – from your stategist to your project manager to your graphic designer – needs to be invested in the project. Cultivate this shared sense of accountability by:

Setting clear goal posts.

Tieing visions for execution back to these goals when communicating with creatives.

Tracking progress at various points in the campaign with the appropriate analytics (e.g., impressions on social, bounce rates on landing pages, etc.).

Sharing that progress with everyone, so the entire team can see the fruits of its labour.

According to the Content Marketing Institute, 70 percent of organisations have the ability to illustrate, with metrics, how content marketing has improved B2B engagement.

Don’t keep that data under lock and key. The greatest source of success in content marketing is enthusiasm and collective pride for what’s been brought to the table.

Agility

“Great marketing requires close alignment with the business people, sales and development.”

– The Agile Marketing Manifesto

This first and foremost means eliminating silos, and we don’t just mean silos between strategists and execution teams. Start at the top, with sales.

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Sales and marketing need to be in alignment if you hope to tell a consistent story to your prospects, leads and existing customers. This doesn’t mean you need to initiate sales into your content marketing team structure, but think of them as consultants.

Secondly, try not to think of your content marketing team as a well-oiled machine. You’re not manufacturers pumping products down an assembly line. You’re creative, responsive marketers whose objectives can change at a moment’s notice.

Instead, learn from the late, great Bruce Lee and “be like water.” On a practical level, this means:

Holding weekly or bi-weekly meetings to update one another on progress of current initiatives, or to re-calibrate as needed.

Leveraging project management resources such as Trello, Asana, Podio, Airtable, etc. to centralise core information and provide updates to the entire team on the fly.

Being ready and willing to make adjustments in response to shifting circumstances.

Once again, the Agile Marketing Manifesto, released in 2012, probably summed the goal up best:

“We welcome and plan for change. We believe that our ability to quickly respond to change is a source of competitive advantage.”

Now, here’s Bruce Lee playing pingpong with nunchucks:

Part 2: Function

What key roles need to be represented in your team?

By now, it’s clear that every function on a content marketing is deeply intertwined. Of course, that raises an important question: What are those functions?

We’re glad you asked, and we’ll tell you.

But first, bear in mind that scale has a lot to do with how these functions will be divvied up among individual team members. In smaller teams, a single person might wear more hats than in say, a well-funded enterprise marketing department, or a content marketing agency.

Ideally, though, all of these core functions will be fulfilled in your content marketing team structure:

Strategy

Your strategists are responsible for creating a marketing strategy that aligns with the business goals du jour. In content marketing, they’ll typically focus on SEO strategy, content creation and distribution goals at a high level, website consulting services, brand awareness and analytics. Strategists are also responsible for aligning budget and execution.

Strategists might go by any number of names depending on your content marketing team structure. Internally, they might be “marketing directors.” Externally you might call them “content marketing strategist” or “account manager.” But a rose by any other name …

Ideation

This is the unsung hero of content marketing, partly because it doesn’t necessarily belong to any one, single role on your team. A case could be made that marketing directors / associates and agency project managers are the stewards of ideation. But by definition, ideation is development of a creative execution plan for the strategy at large. Thus, it requires input from your strategists, project managers and your production people (writers, designers, etc.).

This is where the “agile” aspect of content marketing team structure really comes into play. More often than not, ideation is a shared effort that requires signoff from multiple stakeholders, and possibly even ad-hoc input at different phases of content development (you’re not married to an idea, after all; if you think of something better during the production phase and can pivot within reason, then by all means, do it).

Execution and creative tracking

That brings us to the doing. Once you have a strategy and high-level creative vision — as in you know the assets (eBooks, videos, paid ads) you want to create — you need someone or someones to create content calendars, and to manage timelines for deliverables, release dates and social posting schedules.

That someone — usually a project manager, managing editor, marketing assistant or combination thereof — also needs to track the progress of those deliverables as the campaign or scope of work moves forward and, if necessary, adjust schedules in the face of the unforeseen.

Production

Your writers, designers, videographers, editors and social media managers are the lifeblood of your content marketing team. Without them, you’re all talk.

If you’re lucky, your internal marketing has the budget, time and resources to produce its own content. But if you’re like the vast majority of organisations, you’ll probably outsource content production to freelancers or to a content marketing agency. And if that’s the case, think of these creatives as an extension of your team. The farther removed they are from the shared vision, the less likely they’ll be to deliver killer content.

Promotion and distribution

You’ve put all this work into creating awesome content, which is great, but now you have to make sure that it reaches the target audience. This requires social media mavens who know how to build a base of followers, and then hook their attention with compelling teasers that will lead them to your content, and deeper into the sales funnel. Likewise, you’ll need strategists who understand how to structure an email drip campaign.

Whether these functions are fulfilled internally by your own marketers or externally by contracted marketers makes no difference. What matters is that you have someone on your team who has dedicated time to promote and distribute your content, and maintain a strong social presence. Otherwise your assets will collect dust, and all your hard work will have been for naught.

Dev and IT

Last but not least, you need people who can help on the technical side of things — to make sure that different content types are loading correctly, and that your integrations aren’t disrupting the user experience.

This is web marketing, after all, and that means you’ll need access to web development experts and site admins to answer the tough questions: Is my site performance optimised for mobile? Are there any hiccups in UX? If you’re working with an agency that has its own CMS, is it exporting multimedia content properly? These are all questions that someone on your content marketing team needs to be able to answer.

Part 3: Finesse

How are you executing?

Ok, so you have an idea of the types of values that drive good team dynamics, and you’re familiar with the core functions that will need to be covered.

That brings us at last to the final lap of building a gold-medal content marketing team: the nuances of execution.

Let results show you the way

As we’ve already mentioned, agility is hugely important in a content marketing team. You can certainly establish an operating rhythm, but don’t get hung up on trying to create a rigid routine.

Instead, let your results determine your next actions. Content marketing has a cycle in that directives are continuously handed off between roles.

For example, analytics-based insights provided by your strategist will influence the types of assets (videos, blogs, etc.) that need to be created, and the channels on which they should be promoted and distributed (social, email, etc.).

Subsequent SEO research might reveal more nuanced keywords that will improve the performance of these assets, which will then impact topic research and ideation. At this point, additional research from your strategist might identify optimal content length, and more specific talking points that will help those particular topics cut through the noise.

Once the piece is produced by your creatives, project managers — the QC gurus of the content marketing world — might identify areas where the content could be improved, or better optimised to align with the strategists’ findings.

Finally, the piece is posted, distributed and promoted. Subsequent analytics might determine that engagement for the piece is high, but clickthrough is low, which could be indicative of a shortcoming in how the content is being promoted. Or, maybe the piece appears to be performing well on search, but doesn’t seem to be generating qualified leads, which could indicate a fault in your site’s UX design.

Whatever the case, the team will need to take action to respond to the newest findings. Consequently, the many roles of a content marketing team will play off each other in unique, and sometimes unpredictable, ways.

And it goes on and on like this, in a never-ending cycle.

Because that, in a nutshell, is what content marketing is: A marathon made up of many sprints.

Ready? Set. Go!

from http://bit.ly/38KPjZx

[andythomas684-blog]

Essential hiking tips for beginners

Hiking is a wonderful way to immerse yourself in the outdoors. Transported by your own two feet and carrying only what you need for the day on your back, you can discover the beauty of nature at whatever pace you’re comfortable with. And, with a little planning and preparation, it’s an activity that almost anyone can do. If you’ve dreamed of hiking, but have yet to try it, it’s time to get out there. Just follow these steps:

1. Find a hiking partner 2. Choose a hike 3. Gear up

Find a Hiking Partner

If you have friends who hike, ask them to take you on a trek. Most people are happy to share their expertise, let you borrow gear and introduce newbies to their favorite trails.

If you don’t know any hikers, many cities and towns have hiking clubs that regularly plan outings. You can find hiking classes, outings and events through REI Outdoor School. Online groups, such as MeetUp, are also a great way to find hiking buddies. Related Articles : https://www.hikingbay.com

Hiking alone: Experiencing the outdoors by yourself can give you a sense of freedom and adventure that are hard to find elsewhere. But it can also be intimidating and lonely at times. If you’re new to hiking, we recommend finding a companion to keep you company. That person will also be there to lend a hand if you happen to get hurt. If going alone really is your only option, then start out with short trips to popular hiking destinations and make sure someone always knows where you’re going and how long you plan to be gone.

Choose a Hiking Route

There are several easy ways to find a hiking trail that will meet your needs: • Guidebooks and websites are great resources because you can get all the stats you need: trail difficulty, distance, elevation gain, directions, water sources, trail features and whether dogs are allowed. Websites often display recent trip reports that may give you a sense for what current trail conditions are like.

Hiking Project

For trail suggestions near you, check out the Hiking Project. It gives you access to more than 83,000 miles of trails and includes maps, high-res photos and detailed descriptions.

• Word of mouth: If you have friends who like to hike, ask them to suggest some locations for you. • Talk to locals: Contact a local hiking organization or call a ranger station in the area where you want to hike. Rangers typically have up-to-date trail conditions and are skilled at suggesting hikes for all skill levels. Keto Hiking Food For A Multi-Day Hike https://www.hikingbay.com/tips-to-choose-keto-hiking-food-for-a-multi-day-hike

Tips for Choosing a Hiking Route

Before you start your search for the perfect hike, it’s helpful to think through a few things, such as: • How much time you have: Do you have a couple hours or a full day? The amount of time you have can determine where you go. Don’t forget to factor in how long it takes to get to and from the trailhead. • Your fitness level: Honestly assess what kind of shape you’re in. You want to have an enjoyable time out there rather than suffering through a long, strenuous hike that you’re not prepared for. If you’re not in the shape of your life, don’t be dismayed: There are hikes for everyone. • Distance: Think about how many miles and hours you’re comfortable hiking. An average walking pace is about 3 mph, but your hiking pace may be slower than that depending on terrain, elevation gain and how much weight you’re carrying on your back. • Elevation gain: The amount of elevation gain on a hike is one factor that determines the difficulty. With a little experience, you’ll come to know how much elevation gain you can comfortably handle and what is too much. For a point of reference, if a trail gains 1,000 feet in one mile, that is considered quite steep. Also, a general recommendation is that for every 1,000 feet of elevation gain, add one hour to your trip. • Time of year and weather: Some trails won’t be accessible in early spring because they’re covered in snow. If it’s fall and the sun is setting earlier, plan accordingly so you’re not caught out after dark unexpectedly. Always check the weather forecast before heading out so you can dress and pack appropriately. • Logistics: Certain hikes require a bit more planning. For instance, if you end up doing a hike that starts and finishes at different places, you’ll need to shuttle cars to your start and end points.

Choose Your Hiking Gear

One of the wonderful things about hiking is that you don’t need a bunch of high-tech gear to get out there. With a few essential items for the trail and a sense of adventure, you’re ready to head into the wilderness. Hiking Food for Diabetics https://www.hikingbay.com/hiking-food-for-diabetics-meal-ideas-trail-mix-and-food-guidelines-to-follow

The Ten Essentials

Start by making sure you’re carrying the Ten Essentials. This is a collection of gear and clothing that all hikers should carry whenever they step onto the trail. The collection includes items for navigation, sun protection, insulation, illumination, first aid, fire, repairs, nutrition, hydration and emergency shelter. Learn more in our article about the Ten Essentials.

Hiking Footwear

Footwear is one of the most important items you need to choose, and it’s a very personal choice. Some hikers prefer supportive over-the-ankle boots, while others enjoy lightweight trail-running shoes. The terrain you’ll be walking on can also affect your decision. Lightweight, low-cut shoes may be fine on well-maintained trails without a lot of obstacles, whereas sturdy boots may serve you better on a rugged trail with rocks, roots and streams.

Whatever you choose, make sure the boots or shoes are well broken-in and comfortable for long distances. And wear wool or synthetic socks, not cotton.

Learn more:

• Hiking Boots: How to Choose • Trail-Running Shoes: How to Choose • Hiking Socks: How to Choose

What to Wear Hiking

Choose clothing made of quick-drying, moisture-wicking fabrics, such as wool or polyester. Avoid cotton, which takes a long time to dry when wet. You can think of clothing as separate systems: • Next-to-skin base layers: Made of wool or polyester, these are most important in cool to cold temperatures. • Hiking layers: These include nylon and/or polyester pants, T-shirt, sun shirt, sun hat. • Insulation: Depending on the weather, you may need a puffy vest or jacket, lightweight fleece pullover, warm hat and gloves. • Rainwear: It’s wise to carry a waterproof jacket no matter the weather forecast. If you’re expecting wet weather, bring the rain pants along, too.

Hiking Backpack

Of course, you need a pack to carry your Ten Essentials and any extra gear.

For short treks on trails that are close to home and on days with pleasant weather, a daypack with a capacity of about 15–20 liters provides enough space for water, a few snacks and a lightweight clothing layer.

When you venture farther into the wilderness, you’ll need to carry more gear, clothing, water and food. A pack with a capacity of about 30 liters is a good choice for these journeys. Learn more:

• Daypacks: How to Choose

Food and water

As a beginner hiker, it can be tough to know how much food and water you need, A good general recommendation for how much to eat is 200–300 calories per hour. For water intake, about a half liter per hour of moderate activity in moderate temperatures is a good starting place. These amounts depend heavily on several factors, such as the intensity of your hike, the weather, your age, your sweat rate and your body type. As you gain more experience, you’ll get a better sense for just how much you need.

It’s always a good idea to carry a little extra food and water in case your trip takes longer than anticipated.

• Hydration Basics • Energy Food and Drinks: How to Choose

Water treatment: Many hikers carry all the water they will need for a day hike. However, if you anticipate needing more than about 3 liters, that can be quite heavy. By filtering and treating water from backcountry streams and lakes, you refill your bottles or hydration reservoir and reduce your load.

• How to Treat Water in the Backcountry • How to Choose a Water Filter or Purifier

Additional Hiking Considerations

Personal Health and Safety

First aid: You don’t need to be a medical pro to take a hike, but it’s wise to know some basic first aid. Always carry a first-aid kit and know how to use it. The farther afield you go, the more important it can be to have medical training.

REI Outdoor School: Wilderness First-Aid

Take a class to be better prepared to respond to medical emergencies in the outdoors.

Going to the bathroom: Going to the bathroom in the woods is a concern of many novice hikers. But rest assured, it’s something countless people have learned to do, and so can you.

If you just have to pee, simply find a place that’s well away from the trail and at least 200 feet (about 70 steps) from water sources. For women, you can “shake dry” or you can bring a couple wads of toilet paper and a small zip-top plastic bag. Put the used toilet paper in the bag and dump the paper in your toilet when you get home. Another option is to use a bandana as a “pee rag” that you can tie to the outside of your pack to dry out.

Most day hikers take care of their other business before they head out. But if the urge strikes midhike, again make sure you’re off the trail and 200 feet from water. Then, dig a hole about 4 inches wide and 6–8 inches deep to bury your poop (a camp trowel can help with the digging). Experienced hikers might wipe with natural objects, such as large leaves (make sure they’re not poisonous), smooth stones and even snowballs, but you can also use toilet paper and bury it in the hole. In some areas, you’ll be required to pack out your used toilet paper (and even if it’s not required, it’s still best practice for lowering your impact on the land). Some high-elevation, sensitive or heavily traveled areas require people to pack out solid human waste. If you’re going to one of these areas, bring human waste disposal bags. After you’re done going to the bathroom, use some hand sanitizer to “wash” your hands.

Learn more tips in our Backcountry Bathroom Basics article. Hiking with your period: If you’re hiking with your period, you’ll want to bring along menstrual supplies and know how to manage them efficiently. And if you’re hiking alone, there are some good tips that other backpacking women have shared to help you feel confident and prepared.

• How to Backpack with Your Period • Backpacking Tips for Women Safety: Always leave a detailed itinerary with a friend or family member. Leaving a note with your route plans inside your vehicle is a good way to inform search-and-rescue folks of your plan if they come looking for you (just don’t leave the note in plain view for trailhead thieves to see).

If you’re traveling solo or to very remote locations, you might consider carrying a personal locator beacon (PLB) that allows you to send an SOS if something serious happens.

• PLBs and Satellite Messengers: How to Choose

Trail Etiquette

Whether you’ve been hiking for years or you’re gearing up for your first trek, it’s valuable to know some basic trail etiquette. Right of Way: Following these rules of the trail can help everyone get along:

• Hikers vs. Hikers: Hikers going uphill have the right of way. You may see uphill hikers let others come downhill while they take a breather, but remember that’s the uphill hiker’s decision. • Hikers vs. Bikers: Mountain bikers are generally expected to yield to hikers. However, because mountain bikers are usually moving faster than hikers, it can be easier for hikers to step aside and yield the right of way. • Hikers vs. Horses: Horses get the right of way. If you’re sharing the trail with equestrians, give them a wide berth when you’re passing each other and don’t make abrupt movements. It’s generally recommended to step off the trail to the downhill side while yielding to a horse.

Leave No Trace: While most of us don’t intend to harm our natural surroundings, we may not know how to preserve them, or we’re simply overlooking a few important behaviors. Leave No Trace provides seven principles that provide guidance for enjoying the outdoors in a sustainable way that avoids human impacts. The seven principles are: • Plan ahead and prepare • Travel and camp on durable surfaces • Dispose of waste properly • Leave what you find • Minimize campfire impacts • Respect wildlife • Be considerate of other visitors

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Hiking with Kids and Dogs

Kids: Sharing the wonder and beauty of the outdoors with children is a special experience. Kids of almost any age can go hiking, from infants in baby carriers to grade-schoolers who hike on their own two feet. Tips: • Keep kids dry, warm and fed • Choose a short hike and stop often to look at plants, rocks, animals, etc.

• Hiking with Infants, Toddlers and Kids Dogs: If you have a four-legged friend that you’re comfortable hiking with, the first step is to find out if dogs are allowed where you’re going. Most U.S. national parks, for example, do not allow even a leashed dog to share the trail. Many national forests, as well as state and local parks, do allow dogs, though rules vary. Leashes are mandatory almost everywhere.

Tips:

• Have your dog carry its own food and water in a dog pack • Stop often for snacks and water • Always pack out filled poop bags. Also, while you’re hiking, it’s poor form to leave a poop bag on the side of the trail for later pickup.