#even bad then it made me uncomfortable but i thought i was just homophobic bc i was 13 and dumb

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas

Chill anon here

Ok So update since I haven't in a long time and it's really shitty so story time! 🙃

Basically C was treating me like absolute shit.. she wouldn't prioritize our friendship and then she would go hang out with those bitches and making vvvv hurtful jokes about queer people

They are uneducated as hell and their only mindset is that "gay people can only like the same sex" and then they would go and bully...not bully but say things like "oMg yOu ArE GaY"🙄 to girls who are "gay"... C was never involved int he bullying but it hurt me that she made friends with these people

After that, whenever me and C started talking I started to drop hints about how her so called friends are not good people and I know she was annoyed by it.. but she never said anything...

Now one day me and C are talking, and I had come out to her as ace before.. maybe she forgot about it.. so basically me and her were talking and out of nowhere being the person that she is.. she started to flirt with me.. which is fun but it came to sex and I was uncomfortable so I told her that I was uncomfortable and she knew (I thought she knew) that I was ace and her response was "Shut up you are not asexual...This pan shit was fine but asexual you are not"

I was really hurt by this obviously cuz she was literally telling me what I should and shouldn't be.. and that really really hurt me

And then I uk sat down one day repeating our conversations and turns out she used to invalidate me a lot and I never noticed it ik that's bad but oh well... she is basically borderline homophobic

So, me being the person that I am.. I wrote evth in a letter (which was heart wrenching and shouldve made her cry since I cried over her) and gave it to her on Monday and told her to read it at home and to talk to me the next day

Monday evening, S (ny other bsf), she calls me and tells me that C has read my letter and she read it in fucking skl in an empty classroom and when S went there and she saw C crying and she told me that C was "angry and said that I overreacted over nothing"

On Tuesday I'm nervous as hell uk panicking.. and she doesn't even fucking come to me...during recess she tells me to come over to her place.. both of us knowing she wanted to talk to me but I didn't go bc one of her "friends" was sitting there.. I was really pissed and I was like "Fuck her, if she wants to talk to me she'll come to me I'm not going to her"

Next day, Wednesday she tells me to go with her during recess and I'm uk bracing myself for the worst

Her first sentence is "Wtf did u write and give to me"

Me staring at her blankly and just said "Wtf did u not understand"

So she goes on to say that I overreacted over nothings she said and I quote "Why did u make a big deal out of such a small thing... You only joke about being asexual and then call me out saying that I make "hurtful" jokes.." And I went on to explain evth how I had to cover it and say that I was joking bc I wanted to protect myself

She was pissed with me that why did I tell my friends about the letter and she started boasting about how she didn't tell her friends... BITCH IF U TOLD UR FRNDS I WOULD BE OUTED! I tell her that I told then bc I feel safe around them and they accept me and her response was "Re they also like ThaT" I knew she meant quer but bitch couldn't even say the word and I responded with "Look some of them are.. I'm not going to tell u who is and who isnt" I said this bc I didn't want to out my frnds and she alrdy knew abt I think 2 or 3 of them anyways

Basically in the whole conversation she was like why did u overreact and I repeatedly told her that it wasn't "overreacting" and it hurt me

I was so fucking angry.. but I tried to keep my calm and I think I did.. bc that bitch is just soooo annoying OMGGG

She also fucking said "I have a broken humor.. I'm going to make jokes.. stop taking it to heart" and I said "It may be a joke to u but it isn't a joke to me.. ik u r uneducated-" "Yes exactly so I can't understand this" "Ik u can't understand this but C this doesn't give u the right to joke about things u don't even know.. things you don't even have an idea about" after this

The conversation led to her joking habits and just as we were talking about it she suddenly remembers that she made plans to hang out with another frnd of hers during recess and she runs and tells me to go with her.. so we reach to her "friend" and they started talking so I left and recess got over... so we couldn't finish the main part of the conversation and tht again made me angry and frustrated

In the next lesson (which was our last lesson of the day.. we had a half day skl" she writes on a paper "What is pan and what do you identify as.. I want to know better" I obviously explained it but I was confused to say the least bc SHE DIDNT EVEN SAY SORRY ONCE DURING THE WHOLE CONVO!

I THINK she thinks that we are friends but I can't keep on pretending.. I don't wanna be friends with some1 as toxic as her and she is a basic bitch.. I'm going to distance myself from her.. be mere acquaintances as best

Bc Ik she won't change.. she doesn't see me as a person.. I'm another Variable in her data i.e. im just another number in her number of friends.. she doesn't see me for who I am and I don't want to go through that.. honestly sometimes I feel like I deserve better

For her it's easy to chose another bsf bc she knows wayy to many ppl

And honestly, forget abt me some1 should fucking fix her bc she won't be able to face life... evth is just a joke to her

Humor is important in life yes.. but other than that seriousness and discipline is what will decide ur career and shit..

I'm over her definitely... I just miss the person she used to be .

💔💔💔💔💔

Hi!

I'm so sorry this happened but honestly I'm so proud of you for setting boundaries. That's a hard thing to do, and it takes a lot of guts. It sounds like taking some space is a good idea. <3

[st-mchn]

So I was speaking to one of my relatives a few days ago. She’s a conservative sexist racist homophobe who likes to push my buttons, and she was telling me (for the millionth time) that “maybe you feel uncomfortable at family gatherings because you’re just too sensitive?” (Referring to me not wanting to hear disgusting bigoted shit over family dinner). So I was just like okay whatever, and was about to end the conversation when she said “And I bet you just loved that email we got from so-and-so the other day” and I was like “what email?” And she said “that ‘happy women’s day’ stuff - I bet you hated that since it was only for women and not all those other not binary people”

And I was like …are you talking about international women’s day wtf WHY would I have an issue with that?” And she just doubled down on it like “well its only for women and not for men or transgenders, I thought you HATED that kind of thing, arent you a big feminist?”

Like yeah? She knows I’m a feminist who objects to the word “bitch” and doesnt believe in marriage. They’ve all made fun of me for looking like a mean unfeminine stereotype of a feminist. Yet this ultra-sexist normie woman really thought that I’d have an issue with the concept of international women’s day. As if the feminist position on international women’s day is “it’s bad bc its ONLY for women”. Like even the most uninformed unfeminist women on the planet apparently now believe that feminism is not for women. This woman was alive through the feminist battles of the 70s and 80s… she should be at least familiar with the feminist agenda. But apparently the negative perception of modern feminism has managed to change from “man haters” to “needs to have women and men involved in everything equally or its BAD” I just……?

[princeoftheroses]

What if I was a queerbaited character that straight girl fujoshis made weird fetishistic art of

Would you still love me

[shewhotellsstories]

i really dont wanna annoy you but you post about racism in fandom sometimes so i thought you'd be the right person to ask. i hope this doesnt come off as expecting u to be my teacher. yesterday someone said they didnt trust white zk shippers and i thought it was mean but then people started sending the them all these nasty messages and i started to worry maybe op was right. honestly a lot of this stuff is pretty new for me. i think our fandom is inclusive & unlike the rest of the atla fandom we actually like katara. but i'm trying to learn.

why would it be a problem that a lot of zk fics have katara looking after zuko? i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people. is fire lady katara still ok? is there racism in our fandom? there are a lot of woc zks and i've seen them get hate for it. but the messages op got were pretty bad too. i know i'm asking a lot of questions i just hate the thinking that we might be as bad as the z*kka stans have been saying all year.

This is gonna get long so I’m just gonna jump right in. When I listened to fansplaining’s episode on fandom racism one of the guests said white fans who can acknowledge that fandom racism exists tend to frame it as “just a few bad apples” and get caught up in worrying about not looking like a “bad apple” instead of making fandoms spaces that aren’t hostile for BIPOC. Jag offs hiding behind anon to tell women of color who ship zutara that we have a creepy fetish for imperialism and colonialism suck, but your biggest concern really shouldn’t be the optics or if you can claim superiority over zukka stans.

Yeah the “katara’s a homophobe” nonsense didn’t come from our end of the fandom, but it feels naive at best or dishonest at worst to act like the zutara fandom is uniquely immune to fandom racism. A creator I follow made the excellent point that allyship conditional upon if a poc talks "nicely" about racism is still white supremacy. I believe poc need to be allowed to vent and be salty or angry without being tone-policed. I definitely have my days where I’m like “ugh white people,” or "why must white fans be like this," so I get where the OP was coming from. Ironically the folks that sent them anon hate proved their point. You can always count on hit dogs to hollar.

Fandom is only escapist for some people. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum so you’ll find racism in fandom because there’s racism in the world. Navigating that gets exhausting. There are certain things I enjoy, but for the sake of my sanity I'll only talk about it with friends in real life or only follow fans of color. Before I follow white fans I need to see first that they’re not the kind of person who inspires posts about fandom racism. A good friend of mine loves Star Wars, Kpop, and gaming but after years of attempts at calling in she decided that she’d only interact with woc in those spaces. Again, you get tired.

ATLA wasn’t on my radar until last year so I definitely haven’t read every zutara fic out there but I have noticed a lot of fics do tend to have Katara being the one comforting and supporting Zuko. It’s not inherently wrong of course, it’s just in the grand scheme of things in fiction woc are often cast as eternal caretakers and confidants in fiction:

“How characters of color are portrayed in fanworks, especially fanfiction, is worse than the actual films. They are portrayed as supportive, almost invisible understudies. Any characteristics which they possess in the [MCU] films are stripped and given to other white characters. It is not only erasure. It’s a theft of identity.

Characters of color are positioned within storylines to support the main, white characters. Even within the slash biracial pairings, the character of color is underdeveloped and in a position of servitude within the relationship.”

TheNavyLanguage, Fansplaining

As the quote above points out this honestly happens in a lot of fandoms. I’ve read fanfic for books, movies, tv shows, and comics and I can’t help but notice that in fics the writers often have the non-white character or-- if neither character is white--the darker skinned character being the care-taker, the bodyguard, or the person who is performing all the emotional labor. It’s not inherently wrong to have a character of color have a nurturing personality, you just have to remember that since Black and brown folks have been saddled with narrative after narrative where we exist to serve leaning into dynamics where the non-white or darker skinned character is providing all the emotional support and getting very little in return has some unfortunate implications.

It’s not better if instead of being defined as the avatar’s girl, Katara’s the fire lord’s girl. Part of the appeal of zutara for me is the idea that Katara could lay down some of her burdens and get some much needed support. I always imagine she’d have some major issues after the war.

"i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people."

I’m going to push back against that statement. Yes, Katara didn't grow up in an abusive household but she has pain and trauma of her own. In fact I’d argue that her believing it’s her job to take care of everyone is rooted in her trauma. Katara needs support and care just as much as anyone else does.

Having read a lot of fics revolving around abuse victims in different fandoms I’ve observed that if fans feel a character’s trauma wasn’t properly addressed in canon, they’ll give them a lot of TLC in fics. But again, reducing the non-white or darker-skinned character to a glorified therapist has some implications.

I feel like the Fire Lady Katara headcanon's been talked to death so long-story short, it’s not inherently racist but it can problematic if it's not clear that Katara is Katara of the Water Tribe wherever she lives. Fics and art where her crown has a crescent moon, she wears blue, or Zuko wears blue when she's in red are the executions I'm fondest of.

When in doubt just listen when poc talk about uncomfortable trends in the fandom. Give fansplaining’s episodes on fandom racism a listen here, here, and here. And very loosely quoting my favorite professor just remember that if a marginalized person says they’re distrustful of a group of people or institution it usually happens after a lot of bad experiences. Don’t center your own comfort and hurt feelings.

“If we truly believe in fandom’s progressive credentials, then perhaps it is necessary for us to listen to critiques that make us uncomfortable rather than those that keep arguing that the status quo is perfectly acceptable—even as there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. Perhaps then we will be able to come at these, yes, these very complex and nuanced discussions with the type of openness and good faith that is required for them to succeed, rather than approaching them with hostility.”

-Rukmini Pande, Fansplaining

[aaronstveit]

People are really awful about this. I remember when Eliott Page came out and people were like “oh that’s old news!” and that diminished his right to come out whenever he felt it was right/safe to do so. When people don’t “accept” Kristen Stewart’s bisexuality, when Harry says anything and people on twitter write things like “I want to punch him bc he just wants clout pretending he isn’t straight”… it’s soooo awful and it makes me feel so bad, I’m not out to most people I know even though they know I advocate for lgbt rights so I can’t even imagine how would it feel if people kept judging and pressuring me like they do with artists.

i'm so sorry anon :( i really hate that too. and the "clout" thing always gets me because it's like...... y'all realize that homophobia is still a really big fucking deal, right? like i live in a very conservative very homophobic area and it's still a very big deal. there is no "clout" to be gained from being queer. it's dangerous. it puts you in harm's way. it makes people you thought loved you suddenly so hateful toward you. there is still violence toward lgbtq+ here and it is normalized. in a very large portion of the world, being gay is still very much punished. i think a lot of people don't understand that at all. and pressuring someone to label themselves or to come out is extremely homophobic. a few years back, i only used the term "queer" because that was what i was most comfortable with. i felt that it described my sexuality and my gender well enough without feeling confining, and that was good enough for me. but other people pressured me into choosing something "more specific". i was told that queer was a slur and i couldn't use it, and that it was too wide-open and i needed to narrow it down a bit. (for the record, while i am comfortable with the term queer and i still use it, i will never assign it to anyone else who is uncomfortable with the word and i understand why other people don't like it. i've heard it used as a slur and i reclaim it for myself & others who identify with it but i will not use it on anyone who doesn't like it.) because i was young and not as confident then, i let other people pressure me into choosing a different label before i was ready. i began identifying as bisexual instead because that made other people more comfortable. now, looking back, i regret letting that happen. while i do think i would have started identifying as bisexual on my own and i do feel more comfortable now, not only claiming bisexuality but loving and celebrating it, it was wrong for my friends to pressure me to choose a different label. forcing anyone to do something like that is an act of violence. i'm sending you lots of love, anon 💛

[shortkingvi]

I agree with everything you've said today about people's disdain for masc lesbians and how that relates to fandom portrayal of Yang too. Any thoughts to how this also relates to Catra bc from what I've seen, if someone on twitter even suggests the idea that they're not a fan of femme Catra, part of the fandom goes ballistic. iirc a few months back alot of shera artists drew femme catra just to "spite" a few people who were uncomfortable seeing her as femme. And spite is the keyword here, I saw it used alot. Like there's a difference between spiting incels and spiting other queer women. Idk that whole situation made me super uncomfortable as a masc lesbian myself.

ahhhhh yes i do indeed have a lot of thoughts on gender expression in spop!

let’s eliminate catra’s horde gear for a moment and look at her presentation in the moments when she gets to dress and express herself, namely princess prom and adora’s vision of the future,,,,,,,, we’ve got suit catra! both times, catra’s wearing a suit or suit adjacent, meaning she’s likely more comfortable presenting this way,,,,,,,

now, we can’t always go strictly based on clothing here because you could argue that femmes wear suits too or whatever, so let’s go on context clues,,,,,, in princess prom, catra leads during the dance,,,,,, since dance is often a space where gender is played out VERY traditionally, the narrative is positioning catra as masculine here,,,,,, combining her role as lead with her choice of clothing, the narrative gives us way more insight into catra as butch, futch, or just generally masc rather than femme or hyper femme

now, what gets me even MORE annoyed is the fandom assertion that SCORPIA is butch,,,,,,,, because obviously a large, strong woman with short hair MUST be butch right???? let’s ignore her inherent femme presentation in the story because big woman = butch, right?????? it takes a whole lot of not analyzing your own stereotypes to make the argument the scorpia isn’t femme

making a masc (or masc-femme) character like catra solely femme just to spite masc lesbians is SO hurtful and internally homophobic,,,,,,,, take a moment and think about why you’d want to “spite” masc lesbians,,,,,, is it because you think they are a bad representation of the community? is it because you are stuck in the idea of what men and women should look like? or do you just not care about canonicity so long as you’re fuelling your own projections?

part of it also has to do with ppl seeing adora as masc because,,,,,,,, she ra is buff???? idk what the rationale is there,,,,,,, anyways i think a lot of ppl are uncomfortable with the concept of masc lesbians dating each other because obviously we must remain in 1950s butch-femme dynamics to appease the hets,,,,,,, so, since they can’t POSSIBLY imagine buff adora being femme (because in their minds buff = strong = masculine) they have to make catra the femme one even at the expense of their own community members

we won’t even get into the racial connotations behind the demonization of masc women and who we perceive as “acceptably femme,” but in essence, i think anyone seeking to “spite” masc lesbians simply for looking at canon and going “this character is masc” needs to either meet some lesbians in the real world or begin to analyze the residual prejudices they’re holding onto

[stardustedknuckles]

isn't kind of weird blaming people for latching onto a relationship, ship or not, that was overtly textually played out as... already a relationship? like those two already have years together, and people like their aesthetics/dynamic so... why r ppl so hostile rn? like of course imogen is not her own yet cause, well its been an episode. ngl i'm a bit scared bcause i have a very b/y dash and i'm seeing this pushback more and more and.. its giving me a late' 2020 dejavu of bad vibes that... idk

I appreciate the respectful wording but I'm not here to blame anyone for their ship preferences. I've been pretty clear that the line for me specifically between what I personally don't like and what's genuinely odd behavior is pretty blurred. I would just like the option to opt out. It took me 90 something episodes to ship Beau and yasha and I didn't approach fandom until they were already a ship for me - which I've also pointed out is very rare for me. I don't ship. It's not a thing. I like to explore all kinds of relationships but they exist outside of romance and the aggressive, inescapable normativity of insisting that everyone must have a partner to be fulfilled is claustrophobic as hell.

When you add the entitled behavior of fandom that they deserve a certain ship or a certain player dynamic ("finally they're making up for taking away beaujester") it gets incredibly uncomfortable. I know better than to ask anyone not to ship, and a year ago I wouldn't have dared to whisper my aroaspec thoughts on things, but it's a new campaign and I would like to be here as part of the fandom for it and I'm just growing increasingly frustrated that the tax for simply existing in the proximity of a character I might like is ceaseless, exhausting insistence on shipping.

And that's even before you start trying to wade through the terfs and the aroace exclusionists.

I've made this space welcoming to people like me AND apart from me, but I think I'm done keeping all of my thoughts on the inside and stressing. I'm not concerned about followers and at this point I've put a year of work in so that the ones I have already know where I stand.

So no, I'm certainly not judging people for finding fulfillment in shipping. But I am casting a critical eye over the trend in life and in fandom (especially since my dash is also very post-b/y) to attribute worth only to partnerships they can define as romantic or sexual, if they differentiate at all. It's not the individuals or the phenomenon of shipping. It's the way it cannot be avoided and how when I bring up that it's exhausting not to be able to opt out I get called homophobic.

This blog is run by an aroaspec and I let it go easily overlooked for a long time bc it didn't matter. I loved beauyasha in a way people could relate to and I was very clear it would be different in c3 and that I worried some of yall were going to realize what I've been saying the whole time. I don't get romance, shipping is rare for me, and I'm not responsible for the image that's been built up of me being otherwise.

I just want the opportunity to say no thank you without losing all access to fanworks entirely. I can't speak as to anyone else's hostility or whether that's what it is or just how it seems. I'm just tired, and it's been one episode.

As always, my exhausted or salt adjacent takes are tagged so that folks can opt in or out on what I have to say. That just seems polite. Thank you for the kind question.

[selchwife]

this isn’t something i want to say on my personal blog where i had to turn anon off bc every time i made a post about being trans it’d blow up and i’d get transphobic anons so i’m doing it here where there’s only like 150 of you and 99% of you are trans

i really am so frustrated and sick of seeing random transphobic shit for no reason. i was in a totally unrelated fandom tag just looking at fanart and shit and found a blog literally DEDICATED to analyzing media through a trans-exclusionary lens where people were getting together to bitch about how much they HATE trans people and shit. once again got to see firsthand shit about gay trans men being straight women whose only conflicts result from attempting to coerce acceptance out of “real” gay men as if i literally didn’t spend years trying to force myself to like women. i felt repulsed and disgusted by my own attraction to men without even being able to understand Why for AGES because ofc this was like 10+ years ago and i had no real resources to try to figure it out. it was this really awful complicated dance of hating myself for liking guys and feeling like I HAD to make a big deal out of it because that was what everyone expected of me, even though I thought deep down it was morally wrong of me to like men. and I didn’t know WHY.

it just. god. I know this is a long and aimless post but it’s so frustrating because like, i did NOT grow up as a straight woman who never thought critically about her attraction to guys and decided one day to be a gay boy for funsies, i grew up as a self-loathing, confused trans man so desperate to escape my Wrong attraction to men and Wrong disconnect with my assigned gender that i tried to make myself into a lesbian. it didn’t work, obviously, but I hated myself so much for being a guy and for liking men i had to try to forcibly distance myself from both those things. and i had NO IDEA this happens to other people all the fucking time. i had to blunder through my whole life in the goddamn dark about literally all of it. i had to find out from fucking online that gay and trans people even EXIST, because my parents never bothered to talk to me about ANYTHING, and all i understood about myself was being Bad And Uncomfortable With Everything.

i don’t want to “trick” guys into sleeping with me or any dumb shit like that, i just want to fucking get surgery and HRT and live my life without being constantly bombarded with messages about how guys like me are horrible evil disgusting deceptive homophobic women who want nothing more than to make Real Men suffer. i just want to live!!! i just want to be left alone!!!

[tthankstoyou]

Hey! If I’m not mistaken, you’ve mentioned before that you’re religious and I was just curious on how that affected your sexuality acceptance and how your sexuality if in any way affected your relationship with God? As well as how the community typically has a bad rep for being homophobic? Touchy subject, please don’t answer if it makes you uncomfortable, again I just really really enjoy reading your queer related thoughts.

It doesn't make me uncomfortable at all! I'd be more than happy to share :D Thank you for being interested in my words <3333

I’m sososo grateful to have made it out of Catholic School without having any religious trauma (that I know of at least)

I was baptized Orthodox and am currently practicing that (or at least trying my best askjfak. Really hard to when there's no Serbian Orthodox churches close). BUUUT I went to Catholic school for all of pre-school, elementary school, and middle school. Since I basically grew up with the Catholic Church, I know much more about that than Orthodoxy and that played a much bigger role in accepting myself than Orthodoxy ever did.

I think having a mix of Catholicism and Orthodoxy in my life helped me create a much more personal relationship with God. While we'd be learning about Catholic practices at school, I would feel like none of it really applied to me since that wasn't my religion. I was even excluded from some lessons, like I was told to sit out when we were learning about the First Communion in the 2nd grade since in the Orthodox Church, you have your First Communion and Chrismation (Chrismation is like the Orthodox version of Confirmation) when you’re baptized. So I was able to build a relationship with God without really feeling a connection to the Church. He became more of a friend to me than anything else. And having that personal relationship with God made it really easy for myself to accept my sexuality while also loving him. Like whatever the Church said about him, I felt like it didn’t apply to me. To me, what has always been the most important teaching from God is that he loves all of his children no matter what. He made all of us exactly the way he wants us to be, including if we are gay or trans.

(When I say “Church” in here I mean specifically the Catholic Church)

And yeah, my teachers were homophobic. I was REALLY vocal about my views about everything in the 8th grade to where it got to a point where I had to be pulled out of class and told to stop talking about gay people because that’s not “What the Church believes in” but that didn’t faze me bc I didn’t care about what the Church said in the first place.

If I’m going to be honest, I found MUCH MORE trouble finding acceptance within the LGBTQ+ community while being religious. I understand that people in the community have religious trauma and their way to cope with that is to make fun of God and say blasphemous things, but that really affected me with finding people. Now I know people (on Tumblr) who are also religious and queer, but I still feel like it’s hard to meet queer people irl and talk about my love for God. In high school I tried to not be religious for a while because of how all of my queer friends constantly bashed religion, but that just made me depressed lmao.

So while I felt somewhat welcome in the Church... I didn’t feel welcome in spaces with other queer people. I was one of the few people in my middle school to go to a public high school and I vividly remember my religion teacher telling me that it will be tough to not be constantly surrounded by people who believe in God and that my faith will be tested. OH BOY I did NOT expect for it to be tested that much. I never would have guessed that people that were supposed to be apart of my community would make me feel shame for loving God. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s completely valid to not believe in God and share how the Church may have traumatized you!! Those are such important conversations to have. They’re really essential in the LGBTQ+ community. I just wish that people were more tolerant to those who do choose to be religious because that could EASILY turn into anti semitism, islamaphobia, etc etc

[spnshameblog]

I wish Jensen was as horrified by people shipping Dean with his brother as he seems to be over Destiel.

i'm not gonna lie, i have bad feelings, too. i think that jensen has done a lot of things that have led to lgbt/queer kids feeling invalidated and he has given a lot of people ammunition to bully us over fictional ships. i also think that was entirely unintentional, but that doesnt make it better.

i gotta be honest, i take a lot of the info out there with several grains of salt, especially unverified stuff and fan stories. people like to lie on the internet. (i remember a few years ago someone made up chris evans having a panic attack at a convention and cevans himself had to clear that up bc concerned fans kept messaging him) i know he doesnt like talking about destiel at cons and the few times he did pre-despair werent that positive.

i think bc his first real exposure to shipping was w*ncest he mentally equated shipping to fetishisation and hes not the only one. you can tell from a lot of comments that other actors (sometimes even misha) think fanfic is all about smut and that its mostly written by horny straight women aged 16 to 45. which is incorrect and hurtful, but ok.

the way he talks about the confession scene is jarringly different and enthusiastic. there has been this meet and greet where he got asked a few questions about it and while i, again, like to be sceptical about these types of sources, it does match up with his general behaviour wrg to the confession. i think he genuinely had a change of perspective some time in the later seasons and i dont think he was ever actually horrified by the existence of destiel, but annoyed about his own misinterpretation of what destiel actually meant to the fans. not gonna defend him for that tho, he did contribute to the mistreatment and gaslighting of queer spn fans, even if that was never his intention.

now w*ncest is another thing. it drives me up the wall whenever w*ncest and destiel are in any way put into relation to each other and as much as i love robbie, im fucking mad about them having both of the "ships" in fan fiction in the first place. however: sam and dean CONSISTENTLY react to w*ncest with disgust, confusion and horror, like duh. w*ncest is, iirc, mentioned more times in-universe than destiel as a ship. fan fiction has the only mention of destiel as a fictional ship, whereas w*ncest has been mentioned multiple times before, aka in every episode becky is in. its always portrayed as ridiculous, mostly played for laughs and never taken seriously. to the cast and crew of spn w*ncest is a non-thing bc it disqualifies itself by its own nature. nobody in their right mind (which excludes most w*ncest shippers sadly) would expect them to actually put i//ncest on screen. its easier to joke about this, simply because its so ridiculous.

i think jensen and co dont see w*ncest itself as a 'danger', thats why they never talk about how disgusted they are by it, its a foregone conclusion. it cannot be treated seriously bc its simply too bogus.

destiel however. unless youre a raging homophobe or devout biblical christian there is nothing morally wrong with destiel, which makes it harder to discredit it as a joke, which is why you cant joke about it so easily. not that you should lmao, but i dont claim to know what goes on in these mens heads.

this got way too long so im gonna try to wrap it up:

i think its not that jensen is less horrified by w*ncest than destiel. there would be something really wrong with him if he was. i think he can put w*ncest and all its crazy fans into a box and label it "too ridiculous to care about except when they send my wife rusty nails". i dont claim to know what exactly his problem with destiel was/is, but if i had to make a guess its that he spent a long time misinterpreting what destiel actually was and just treated it as another outlet for horny teens, which i wont defend him for. i think he really mellowed out on that front, but kept his grumpy persona for a while (hes clearly not uncomfortable with ppl thinking thoughts about him and misha in situations or else he wouldnt act like THAT at cons tho, so idk). His positive and enthusiastic comments surrounding the confession and his open-ness about dean reciprocating (which is still a cop out, ngl. idc if he said he didnt want it to be one) ESPECIALLY compared to his glacial silence surrounding the finale show me that he is not at all disgusted or horrified by destiel.

tl;dr this man is an enigma to me and there are a couple of things i hold against him, but i truly dont think he is horrified by destiel.

[eldritch-elrics]

svsss: the (not so) grand return of peerless cucumber

so a LOT happened in the chapters i read last night (44-49) and i have. SO many thoughts

not as many as i had right after i read but i really had to go to bed so i couldn’t write them all up.....

i put some reactions in individual posts but i’ll repeat them here!

first of all. shang qinghua. fucked off to the demon realm. like, good for him? but also. i want to see my boy

binghe keeping sqq’s body??? xue yang vibes OFF the charts

so I’M IN LOVE WITH THE MUSHROOM PLOT

i love how every so often sv will hit me with a twist that is SO up my alley that i just. lose it a little bit

HE MADE HIMSELF A CLONE BODY OUT OF MAGICAL MUSHROOMS AND TRANSPORTED HIS SOUL INTO IT.

i love mushroom shit and i love bodyswapping and. my god.

the fact that sqq has died twice and been forced to inhabit 3 different bodies??? wei wuxian wishes he were this cool

sidenote but the mental image of sqq doing radio calisthenics in the forest is really funny. or maybe it’s just funny to me because of the associations i have with this one time in japanese class?

sqq’s new body looking like a cross between shen yuan and shen qingqiu is really interesting and perhaps... symbolic....?

also hey does this mean he doesn’t have to deal with the cureless poison anymore. i assumed that it would be cured in his eventual sexytimes with binghe but hmmm i guess not!

the point where i really lost it was when he realized he was disconnected from the system. i know now that it wasn’t permanent but that was just so interesting, how much he hates it and wants it gone. which makes sense! even though it has helped him get out of bad spots at times, it’s a sign that he’s not really from this world. now i’m just really curious what’s gonna happen to the system at the end of the novel. maybe it’ll shut off once he achieves the “goal” it’s seemed to have set for him and gets together with lbh?

also i’m glad that sqq seems to have matured a little bit in terms of his people skills / problem solving skills? though uh. remains to be seen how he’ll act in front of binghe when binghe realizes who he is

it also seems like i was completely wrong about sqq’s motivations for sacrificing himself lol. lot more selfish than i thought? but it makes sense! fun twist

mxtx sure likes to have her protagonists execute plots that they don’t tell the reader about until after they happen lol (i’m thinking of the golden core transfer)

uhh back to plot reactions

love the running joke about peerless cucumber. also the demon names... six balls <3

also hold on a minute, peerless cucumber is a dick joke? lmao

thank you airplane for making it clear binghe has a big dick. absolutely vital character information

so i’ve said this before but sqq’s narration really CARRIES this novel. here i’m thinking specifically about his diatribe against sha hualing’s nails

shl is pretty fun. sexy evil lady!

sqq can turn his fan into a blade. nie huaisang get ON that smh

yang yixuan my beloved!

also HAHA i predicted that sqq’s super mushroom powers could help the xin mo thing and i was RIGHT

so sqq is just. SO invested in getting the plot back on track. like with all the harem members and stuff. it’s so funny because like bro. surely you’ve noticed by now that things are going very differently than in pidw. and also... you don’t WANT to go back on the pidw track bc that would kill you!!!

so the system reactivates when binghe turns up right? i am thinking about. the fact that when it tries to reboot it’s like “contacting customer service”

WHO IS CUSTOMER SERVICE.

it’s so interesting because like... obviously the whole system thing is so much bigger than just A Book? it’s even got airplane trapped inside it. and he’s the fucking author! who is running this thing? and for what purpose?

sqq listening in on the gossip about how lbh is DEFINITELY obsessively in love with him was SO funny. poor man

so binghe. he has become so COLD

i don’t like it :(

once more. my dude go to therapy.

wait also random but sqq has a beard now and for some reason that’s so funny to me

life at the palace seems terrible lmao no one is doing ok

smh, mxtx protags keep dying and staying dead for huge amounts of time and then coming back in different bodies

the fact that binghe’s happiest memories are training with sqq :(

THE FACT THAT BINGHE IS ABSOLUTELY SHIT AT KISSING

my god. that entire scene

went from “awwww headpats” to “AAAAAAAA”

the fact that the system congratulates him i’m sjkdhgjhsdhgjsds poor sqq.... didn’t ask for this shit.......

after 50 chapters, he’s finally realized he turned the male lead gay <3 say goodbye to all those funny oblivious moments!

i had to stop there because it was way too late at night but wow. we shall see how this relationship progresses

i can’t see it improving anytime soon but at least sqq knows lbh likes him now???

i had a LOT of thoughts last night but now i’m pretty much just like. i really need to see where it goes before i make any judgements on bingqiu

rn i’m not a big fan because 1. sqq is so wildly uncomfortable (understandable lol, even if lbh thinks it’s just a dream) and 2. lbh is very obsessive and that’s not really my favorite trope. but like it’s obviously not meant to be a healthy relationship, at least definitely not right now, and i do like some good fucked up romance! i’m excited to see the developments where sqq realizes what his real feelings are

i’m also fairly neutral on binghe as a character atm. his main personality traits seem to be “obsessed with sqq” and “trying not to die from evil sword qi poisoning” and i don’t find that all that compelling? between him and lwj i have to say that mxtx’s love interest characters are not really my favorite, though i wouldn’t say i dislike either of them.

furthermore i’m slightly concerned with how lbh’s “i’m the main character and i get what i want” attitude is gonna affect the romance. i know there’s some dubconny stuff later which i can’t say i’m excited for but i am excited to see how binghe’s character is gonna develop in general

my aspirations for bingqiu is that they’re both able to eventually break free of the expectations of the system

because, look at this from sqq’s pov. there’s this ai in your head that has, for literal years, been steering you towards a romance that you (at least outwardly) don’t want. isn’t that fucking terrifying? i love it. the system (at least how i see it) has been bending the established plot of the world in order to make this happen. it’s like fate but you can see the gears turning.

and even if sqq does end up liking lbh back, can you imagine the existential crisis of like. wondering if he really CHOSE to get with binghe or if he was somehow compelled to by the system which acts based on binghe’s emotions?

i think that would be so interesting

however what i think is Actually going to happen (based on that one time when airplane was like “hey cucumber, uh, is lbh just a character to you or is there more...”) is that sqq is gonna realize that he’s had a bit of a crush on binghe since reading pidw and is only just now dealing with his internalized homophobia. so him getting together with binghe has less strings attached

i think there’s some opportunity here for a commentary on the soulmate trope? because svsss is just so steeped in themes about agency and fate. i think that would be really cool but we’ll have to see. i feel like the ending is gonna be simpler and happier than i want it to be but obviously i cannot make any judgements yet! i’m just having Thoughts :)

so, i also read one of the extras (the one where he goes with lqg to battle succubi) because the translation i’m reading recommended it! it was pretty fun

sqq SO clueless. like i get it, he doesn’t think he’s into anything other than Pretty Cis Women, but. sqq we’ll work on this

also ASKING LQG IF HE’S A VIRGIN. sqq literally stop

(that was so funny though)

liu qingge ACE RIGHTS

actually lqg’s outburst in this chapter was kind of bizarre and can be explained in a few different ways i think?

i really like the idea of him being aroace. thinks true love doesn’t exist etc

i feel like the intended implication of lqg’s outburst is that he’s realized madame meiyin is referring to binghe and is like “holy shit no sqq can’t be with Him”

maybe lqg is just homophobic?

but i. also kind of wonder if lqg is gay and in love with sqq? and is just putting up the “such deep love doesn’t exist” thing because he really doesn’t want sqq to know

there was that whole line where the succubus was like “well you’re not his soulmate you don’t know” and it made me think

on the other hand i can’t really see lqg liking sqq that way; they seem to have more of a Bro Bond

then again lqg does keep fighting binghe for sqq’s sake

either headcanon is fun! i’d be excited for more insight into lqg in general i think

[tshifty]

hey guys. i wanted to say, im physically ok. im not okay even a little bit emotionally, but physically im fine. im going to explain a bit what happened below the cut for anyone who wants to know.

so. when i came out to my family a year ago i thought it went betrer than i feared. they didnt react poorly... well my sister was a bitch but that’s nothing new. one of my biggest fears about coming out had always been that my sister would be aggressively homophobic and use that to bully me every day and that my parants wouldnt care.

so that worst fear came true last night. my sister and i have never really gotten along, but particularly in the past few years she has gotten extremely nasty. she’s a classic mean girl.

so last night at dinner my sister made these nasty comments under her breath about how it’s better that she’s straight. i called her out on it and then i got yelled at for reacting. then she said loudly in front of my parents that it’s “embarrassing” that i ever mention how im gay (yeah im bi they dont ever use that though). it turned into a huge fight. but it was me against my sister and parents... they always take her side. i say she’s being homophobic... i get screamed at again for calling her homophobic and they go off about how she isnt homophobic bc she has a pansexual friend.

then my parents leave. my sister says me being gay makes her “uncomfortable” because i was “lying to them” my whole life.

my dad later turns off the wifi and then later the cellular. i go down to see what the fuck is happening. he tells me that i have to apologize to my sister. because my reaction was the issue. not what my sister is doing.

then my sister came down too. i told them what she said about me making her uncomfortable. they ask her. she literally repeats it to them verbatim. and once again im the one in trouble. for calling her homophobic. for making her feel bad. for “invalidating her feelings of being uncomfortable with you”. im older so apprently not allowed to react. even though she’s 17 and turns 18 literally in 2 weeks. but sure. turns into a bigger fight. when my dad gets angry he gets scary. like, i get worried he will hurt me.

so i run. and i hide for a while. outside. in the pouring rain. eventually i came back. and had to sit in a room with everyone as my sister explains every single thing she hates about me being gay. how i make her uncomfortable with it. how she doesnt want to brush her teeth in the same bathroom as me since im gay. says that i owe it to them to make it easier. that i need to make them feel comfortable about my sexuality. my mom is sitting there agreeing with everything. my dad says my sister is just being stupid and i need to grow up and not let it get to me. i keep trying to talk and say how she is literally being homophobic and it isnt my responsibility to make her feel comfortable. i keep getting screamed at. they still wont even call her homophobic because apparently my sister claiming to have a gay friend means she cant ever be homophobic even as she sits there and says me being gay makes her uncomfortable.

wanna know the trigger for it all? my sister and mom were talking about male actors they found attractice. my dad pulled up a female actress he thought was pretty. i agreed. yeah. apparently that was “too much” for my sister.

it isnt like i walk around my house with a pride cape. i avoid bringing attention to me being gay like 90% of the time. i shouldnt have to do that. my parents are democrats. they say they arent homophobic. but when my sister is disgustingly homophobic to me they do nothing... in fact i get in trouble for being hurt by it.

my sister also said that me being into politics makes her uncomfortable especially when i bring up that im gay when i talk about homophobic policies. yeah. and did my parents come to my defense? of course not.

so ive been told to “dial it back”. i literally already never talk about who i like. i mention that im gay like once every 3 months if it comes up in conversation. but yeah. so they dont want to kick me out for being gay. they just want me to pretend to not be gay.

[calocera]

SPOILERS FOR CATS 2019, here’s my hot takes and opinions

be warned, THIS IS LOOOONG

First off my overall opinion, i LITERALLY cannot say whether it was good or bad, like lots of critics say it just...is beyond that. It’s VERY fun and that’s all I can bring myself to say, I have LOTS of problems with it but I can’t even say that they make the movie bad. It is definitely worth watching

OPINIONS ON CHARACTERS:

Victoria: she’s good! I appreciate that they kinda left her personality blank other than her innocence since that’s pretty much how she always was, still not super thrilled with her as a main character but franchesca did the best she could

Munkustrap: I loved him! he was more of a main character than I would have expected, but they STILL cut all the charm from his lines... why do I love him then? Robbie fairchild did AMAZING background acting, whenever he was in frame he was always doing something SUPER munkustrap-y and making cute dad faces. he was dealt bad lines but he worked around it best he could. Also his legs were normal so...epic fail

Mistoffelees: 😒😒😒😒😒🤢🤢🤮 disappointed but not at all surprised...he was just a Woobie, a softboy uwu nice guy. I felt like I was seeing fanon 2013 loki in cat form. THEY MADE HIS SONG A SADBOY PITY PARTY SONG...WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THE 11 O’CLOCK NUMBER SLOW AND SAD???? Where is the smug little shit who’s vague and aloof yet confident and joyous? He was murdered by his evil homophobic shadow clone. I’m not even gunna indulge the fact that him and Victoria were a thing, I’ll go over that later. He also just constantly looked like the crying cat meme his eyes were so red and watery it was horrifying, yet somehow he wasn’t the worst character , that leads us too.....

tugger: what.the.fuck.did.you.do.to.this.boy. HE GOT THE TREATMENT I EXPECTED FOR MUNKUSTRAP! HE WAS DEMOTED TO BACKGROUND CHARACTER! not only did he not sing mr. mistoffelees, he literally did nothing other than his song, he never interacted with ANY characters besides jenny in 1 scene. I know cats has no set main characters but he’s undoubtedly one of the most important characters and he’s like...the least important named character in the movie. ALSO Jason Derulo was not sexy at all. There was NO hip thrusting NO sexy meowing NO glamrock, he was just an asshole and if I hadn’t already seen the original I would have either completely forgotten about his character or though he was the worst character. I’m so fucking angy I cannot express.

Girzzabella: ngl I expected better. Her acting was great but with the horrible effects I couldnt get invested but I’ll touch on the effects later. Her singing was good, but I expected it to carry the movie and it wasn’t at all the best song in the movie, I’d say she’s about as good as I expected she’d be but the movie itself was more enjoyable than I expected so she was less significant

Old d: she was fine, she LOOKED the part definitely, she didn’t have as large a presence as ken page but I wouldnt expect that of her. Her singing wasn’t the greatest though, her voice is fine by it’s just NOT suited to old d’s songs. I would have preferred she play a female gus bc her voice is very sweet and frail, not at all built for belting like her songs required.

Macavity: he’s just...eh. He’s basically a comic relief villain which sucks. He does practically nothing besides kidnap people, say a cheesy line, and act like a caricature of a 90s cartoon villain (and not one of the fun ones) like theres a scene where he poofs away and when he does it he goes, MACAvityyyyyyy and fades away its so unintentionally funny but it just makes him so lame as a villain. not to mention he doesnt even die at the end or get any satisfying conclusion he just gets stuck on top of a statue and his powers suddenly stop working (for some reason??)

Bombalurina: fuck that, I am simultaneously glad she only was in the macavity number bc fuck off Taylor Swift but also disappointed bc she deserved so much better.

Bustopher: 😟 never in my darkest nightmares did I think I’d see bustopher Jones deepthroat multiple crayfish but here we are. Somehow THIS was the most sexual song, I cannot begin to name the fetishes checked off by this performance bc itd hit word limit. Let me just say that I said multiple times out loud, “damn bustopher kinda a freak with it 😏😏” like I CANNOT stress how weirdly sexual it gets. And ofc its all otherwise just haha funney fat guy eat food and burp and fall down. He also breaks the fourth wall a few times which like, fuck you

Jenny: exactly what was shown in the trailer. Unfunny fat jokes and slapstick humor. Also they focused WAY too many shots on her cat pussy and I wish I was making that up. Also of note is that the cgi on the rats and cockroaches are drastically worse than the rest of the movie, like not just bad designs the effects are BAD. also they translated they whole gumbie cat fur-shedding as her wearing fake skin over her outfit which would be fine but UHH the fake fur is skin tight??? so it literally looks like shes ripping off her skin and she does it multiple times its fucking terrifying

Mungojerrie and rumpelteazer: meh, they are fine as characters, not quite as energetic as I would have liked but they didn’t massively fuck anything up? The song was horrible, they went against the beat for...some reason? Like it’s a song with a very distinct rhythm and they split up the lyrics so weirdly. I liked that they followed through with the lore of them working for macavity

Skimbleshanks: YES YESSSSSSSSSS HOLY FUCKING SHIT 💗💕💖💞💜😳😳😳😳😳😳😳💜💛🧡💚💖❤️💗 i absolutely CANNOT express how good skimbleshanks made me feel. He looks like a leather daddy with his chains and suspenders and hat and stache, I hate that I’m saying this but uh...mr skimbleshanks sir😳 we were actually screaming it was so fucking good. Watching this movie was worth it just for skimble. Unironically. I’m listening to the song as we speak. It was kinda weird that they moved the tap dancing to this song but that’s more of a detractor from Jennie’s and a plus side to skimbles since it’s good tap

Gus: good! Ian did a good job of course, no one doubted that he would.

Growltiger and griddlebone: not racist but still absolutely horrifying. One of the worst parts of the movie, I actually got squeamish looking at griddlebone a few times that’s how bad she looks

Everyone else: not that good. I couldn’t tell who was who, all their personalities were annoying, I’m on imdb as we speak trying to figure out who even was supposed to be who. Demeter is completely butchered and jemima just isn’t there, doesn’t sing her part, it all sucked man.

Tech talk:

CGI: okay so here’s the thing, the effects are good. GREAT even, the issue is how fucking horrible the designs are. The lack of cat nose, mouth, and hairy cheeks makes them all look disgusting. Also the feet. Holy fuck why do they have feet. THERES A FUCKING SCENE WHERE TUGGER GRABS VICTORIAS FOOT AND SNIFFS IT. IT LASTS LIKE 5 SECONDS. Old Deuteronomy, Gus, and Cassandra (bc she was already bald) are the only characters I’d say look anywhere close to decent, grizabella looks okay in profile but head on it’s all horrible again. its really such a shame bc the sets are gorgeous! i really hope this movie gets some form of recognition for its sets.

the editing and directing was DOGSHITTTTTTT there are SO many scenes where characters just teleport or parts where people are singing and no ones mouths are moving its really distracting

Other things:

it’s OBVIOUS that the critics calling this movie horny have never seen the original. I’d definitely say the movie is LESS HORNY than the play. It IS however waaaaaaay more uncomfortable with its hornieness, so I’d say in that regard YES, the horny stuff is much more gratuitous and off putting despite there being an overall smaller amount than the play. ie everything bustopher jones does

They changed a BUNCH of lyrics for some reason?? Like they cut verses which I understand but there are like a handful of lyrics in almost every song they just...change. like...okay? All changing lyrics is gunna do is make people who knew the songs frustrated when they can’t sing along

the dancing was incredible! shame the cg just fucking invalidates all of it bc your mind doesnt register it as real people doing real moves

OKAY THE FUCKING CATNIP SCENE so when taylor swift showers everyone in catnip they all just fucking start moaning and go FULL HORNY its TOO MUCH like misto full on does an o face like eyes rolled back mouth open  and munkustrap is like ass up panting i still havent processed it im fucking terrified to encounter it again. they cut the orgy? yet added THIS??? k

WHY did they take 2 of the most iconic characters who FREQUENTLY interact and just

a. Never even have them make eye contact

b. Make 1 a background character

c. Completely change the personality of the other one

On the topic of Victoria/misto: I am just still at a loss as to why they thought it’d be a good idea? They completely removed Plato and for what? This? Pathetic. It’s worth noting the weirdly munkustrap has WAYYY more chemistry with both Victoria AND mistoffelees then they did with each other (there’s a part where it looks like misto and munk are about to kiss for some reason?? munk ALSO gets all touchy feely with skimbleshanks???) anyways munkustrap king moments

tldr; its worth watching, the best parts were the sets, the dancing, skimbleshanks, and munkustrp fucking CARRIES the weight of the world with his face acting. the worst things were a big fat tie between bustopher, tugger,misto,jenny,growltiger and griddlebone, and the godawful design choices

[grizztheexplorer]

Ep 5 Love Victor live reaction:

- what do you mean you don’t understand a Madonna reference how old am I??

- girl they hate u bc u are cheater I think u are gonna have to at least try getting along with the in laws💀 like starting a fight over it is not it💀🌚

- I hate that Victor has to do shit he clearly doesn’t want to do to turn off the fires in his family. People (THE PARENTS) need to start actually listening to their kids and not just want they wanna hear

- she said piñata for a 16 year old😭 ma’am piñatas are until ur 14 year old bday and then never again until like 18 or up ONLY when everyone else is drunk at the party and the piñatas turn ironic. Thats the rule.

- omg Lake invited Benji!!! Let Victor have one break from his gay breakdown omg (but also yesss)

- “he’s a very macho boy” [squeals] ajdjdjdjd i loved that😭😭

-omg Pilar stfu???? Sjdjjddjdj i love the family drama but let it stay in the fam not with in laws that already hate ur mom

- ik they were gonna be homophobic but jesus christ💀 let the little kid play with the damn wand fuck

- Mia!!! Looks!!! So good with the hair half up and blue eyeliner!!!!!!!! Fuck it up girl!!!!!

- they need to stop watching soccer if the guests come

- omg Mia JUST arrived and i am now realizing grandpa could be racist too fuckkkkk

- omg they are not god bless

- aah :(((( that dad is so happy bc he had a girlfriend 😭😭

- omg the mom is gonna hate the girlfriend?? She’s been so rude what a boring cliché. Bitch you cheated and have a bad relationship bc grandma is a bitch. U planning on continuing the tradition?? Even if shit is bad bc if u?? THE LEAST U CAN DO IS BE NICE💀

- follow him around with google translate LMAOOOO

- 😭😭😭 i only like the kids in the family I don’t really like the parents or grandparents someone save Benji and his bf they aren’t there yet but I don’t want them there

- its been a sec and i hate the bf omg rip. Him and Benji have interacted so little but god the actors!!!!! They have this eye contact thats so good!!!! The actor who plays Victor totally has chemistry with Mia and has these cute ass looks but with Benji!!!!!! Is such a loaded look too!!!!!! This actor is killing it!!!!! Is like less dopey and more in trance whenever Benji is around😭 Benji too bitch got a bf but be staring at Victor.

- Victor noooo how u gonna introduce them like that. He should have let them know beforehand of his grandparents. For a friend i would be in a uncomfortable situation but only if they let me know beforehand. Being surprised at the moment and caught off guard is so much more disrespectful (at least in my opinion).

- Benji is pissed and he has every right to but also i wanna die

- I can’t with grandma saying devil music lmaooooo. Thank god my grandma didn’t give a shit about those things even tho she was religious af

- also where is victor going pls don’t make Benji feel worse

- in a way I understand if Benji’s bf is pissed at him for hiding it. On another, this is benji’s FRIEND’S house. Its his family. And he asked a very ride thing last min, but it is better to leave than to flatout make a scene when you were asked to avoid it. I respect Benji for that, bc he 100% didn’t have to but it was the nice thing to do. He would be justified to make a scene or to just leave. But i feel like that should be Benji’s call more than his bf’s and the bf shouldn’t be upset at it. The relationship that can be affected is Benji’s. Its his friend and coworker. While the bf is involved and is disrespectful to him too, the call here isn’t his. And he needs to stand by whatever Benji decides to do, whether that’s cause a scene, leave, or hide for the day.

- Felix is cute. He looks like the Benji from My Babysitter is a Vampire and WHO didn’t have a crush on THAT Benji growing up??? Get him Lake. The Stiles of this world are always worth it.

-Now i stand with the bf tho. If Derek wants to go Benji could talk to Victor and go. I do think is unfair to make Derek stay in a circumstance he wasn’t told beforehand. And Victor’s fam might not necessarily be physically violent, but Derek nor Benji know that. Derek could not only be extremely uncomfortable, possibly triggered, but also might feel in danger. Benji SHOULD understand that and tell Victor they can talk it out later and head out. He just won’t leave bc he is also lowkey crushing on Victor tho.

- shitshitshit they kissing and they saw it. Omg thank fucking god the grandpa didn’t make a scene.

- no omg don’t ask for a word for it?? Is not a big deal jesus fuck. Omg fuck this a “family party” nah just leave.

- yes omg confront them. Hell fucking yeah.

- i love the mom confronting them over her shit too but sjdjdjdj do they know there’s other people in this house💀💀 his girlfriend AND crush and crush’s bf are all there i would die

- not dad pretending like he’s standing up for his fam when he was talking about “is a family party” 3 mins ago. Nah son u blacklisted unfil further notice.

-i really thought Pilar was gonna fuck up and i was about to scream

- aaaaah that’s why shit they do is similar to me. They are colombiannnnn. Made me wonder bc the bendicion thing is something we venezuelans do but never heard cubans, mexicans, or any mainstream latinx family do before. Makes sense, venezuelans and colombians have a lot in common (more than other latinx cultures)

- where the fuck did the kids go to lmao. After all these speeches i would have lowkeu gone too💀💀

-Benji bitch im sorry too I can’t imagine being out into the position he was put on. Even if Victor stood up for him. Benji also most be so confused about Victor bc they def have had moments.

-omg the direct eye contact with the candles these kids are BOLD

- y’all Mia and Victor would have made a power couple if he hadn’t met Benji and salivated for him sjdjdjdj. Once they figure their shit out they are gonna be fucking power friends dude.

- I WAS SO HAPPY THE DAD APOLOGIZED BUT I FUCKING K N E W HE WAS GONNA MAKE A COMMENT ABOUT “at least this fam not gay” BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW MY LATINX MOM WAS BEFORE I CAME OUT WHEN MY BEST FRIEND CAME OUT. SHE WAS FINE WITH IT AND FINE WITH US HAVING SLEEPOVERS AND ALL BC I “wasn’t” ANDJDJD U CAN DO IT VICTOR THEY’LL UNDERSTAND IF THEY AIN’T VIOLENTLY HOMOPHOBIC U GOT ONE FOOT INSIDE THE DOOR MAKE THE STEP BUDDY

[larstenobar]

Okay so I mentioned it in the tags but I kinda wanna talk about my experiences with So/uth Pa/rk. I say this as a cis, gay, non-Jewish man. I also say this as someone who used to actually engage with the forums on the main site. I also say this as someone who played. both the two major video game RPGs. So I am speaking not from reaction to other people’s reactions but from my own personal knowledge. This post is incredibly long so it’s under a read more. In it I provide what I believe are the actual effects of South Park on its viewership but I need to stress that I think it’s the wrong energy to blame parents for letting their children watch the show.

Don’t blame the parents, blame the show.

That show is genuinely horrible. I’ve seen a lot of people questioning how anyone could let children watch it - and to that I say you’re not adding anything to the conversation by shaming parents for letting their children watch that show. 

My own parents weren’t even out of their twenties when I watched the show, and many other parents grew up with the show as a non-issue. Young parents make mistakes.

At the time it came out and its early years only extremely vigilant parents realized how problematic the show was and the news was hard to spread without social media. At best you could inform your parent friends and hope they listened.

The show’s main characters are children, many parents found/find it hard to believe that a show with children as the main characters could be bad for those children. If the show were exactly the same but the children were college-aged then it would be another raunchy show they could easily see is not meant for their kids.

There’s a good portion of children who watched the show that weren’t actually allowed to watch it because their parents weren’t as tech savvy as them and therefore didn’t know about pirating/streaming until it was mainstream. We who grew up with YouTube knew you could put in [show] episode 1 part 1 and start watching. (this is gonna be another point later btw)

I know that it’s hard for you guys to even know all the reasons it’s problematic because you all barely scratch the surface of it’s problems. But before we even get into the meat of its problems (Science Denial, Homophobia, Transphobia, Ableism, Anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, etc.) we have to look at the very premise of the show.

The main characters begin in fourth grade. Fourth Grade. There’s a phenomena in our culture where we believe that children saying stupid stuff is harmless, and we forget that when children hear children speak - even animated children - they are hearing their peers. And peers learn from each other. This is why the show is so insidious, because it makes it easier for children to digest the messages.

Another thing that’s very important to note is that - while it’s labelled satire, every single joke is played straight, and the straight man character (usually either S or Ky) are ridiculed by the culture they’re surrounded in. Don’t believe me? Think I’m over-exaggerating? Think about the election episode, where they had to pick between a literal piece of shit or a douche. Our Straightmen were constantly saying how ridiculous the situation was, but everyone around them was telling them they were the ones who were stupid for not particpating in the election until they eventually break and submit to the absurdity. This is a light example, but it’s the typical formula. If they aren’t actively participating in the absurdity around them, they’re ridiculed until they break. What this tells the audience isn’t that the people who were particpating were stupid, but that they were right.

Now that we’ve looked at the show premise, let’s get into the details. A note: This is just what I remember from approximately age 5-18, the latter years I’d been turned off from it slowly so I wasn’t as engaged but it was not any better then. Since this is just what I can remember without looking through episodes or looking up articles, this is going to be a small sampling of things that stuck with me. Be assured, there was much, much, much more.

Science Denial and its effects on the viewers.

This is the lightest thing I can recall, and probably going to be the smallest section as it’s mostly centered around their stand-in for global warming, a cryptid figure called M/an/Be/ar/P/ig. Al G/ore was painted as a desperate, raving lunatic for believing in the phenomena, and was even implied to be making it up by having him dress up as the cryptid. I don’t have to explain why this is wrong, but we need to look at the effect this had.

On the one hand it made fans think that Global Warming (as it’s something A.G. believed in) was a hoax. Furthermore, it made them believe that anyone who believed in it was telling lies, which was overwhelmingly the most progressive people. A direct effect of these jokes (which they apologized for but never stopped propagating btw, MBP was still a joke when I stopped watching) was that progressives were seen as over-dramatic and stupid.

Now, I am not saying people watched these shows and immediately thought “oh wow, how fucking stupid of A.G. I don’t believe in climate change anymore.” It’s more like this: “Oh haha, S thinks A.G. is annoying, I like S so I agree, A.G. is annoying. You know, A.G. is kinda annoying with all that global warming, maybe there’s something to him being over-dramatic? Gosh why can’t these progressives see that it’s not that big of a deal. If they trust A.G. then they MUST be blowing other things out of proportion.” That’s the thought processes it trains its viewers to have.

LGBT+ Characters

Okay so there’s actually a lot of things that go into the Homophobia of S/P. And it goes back to the very beginning of the show, and is both explicit and implicit. There is a huge problem with these, but the main problem isn’t so much that they exist, but the show’s attitude towards their own ‘jokes’ and the ways in which fans suck up that thought process.

Before I get into this, there were some things that I need to say in favor of the show - not because I think the show deserve praise, but because there were some things that I latched onto and showed a surprising nuance. There’s like one thing, really but it is, of course, attached to something that’s a much larger issue within the show, so while it is a small glimmer, it’s in no way outshining any of the problems in the show.

For a while, the teacher underwent gender reassignment when he (the teacher currently identifies as male from my last interaction with the show) got breast implants and presumably bottom surgery (I vaguely remember a surgery but honestly that could be an invention) he was in a gay relationship. His then boyfriend had a very heartfelt and difficult conversation about how he still cared about him and how he’ll never hate him for being the woman that he wanted to be, but there was no way that he could pursue a relationship with him. I thought that this was a very mature depiction of a very difficult situation that is never really talked about. However, as I implied earlier, this is attached to a larger issue. Before any of you start having second thoughts about your ideas about S/P’s portrayal of gay and trans people, immediately after getting broken up with the teacher became violently homophobic as a backlash, I vaguely recall a group being formed.

Our main examples of LGBT individuals in the show are these big four (five?):

The afforementioned teacher

The teacher’s boyfriend, who wears leather gear at school and can’t stop talking kink even in front of the child characters

A character called B/ig G/ay A/l who is just as stereotypical as his name implies.

T/weak and C/raig, who are classmates of the focal characters. There’s a lot of reasons this is problematic, none of them being the age of those involved in the relationship - but the portrayal of them is hugely problematic.

Since I’ve already touched on the teacher, we’ll get into them first. When he was introduced, he was a sort of ambiguously gay character who was very bitchy and spoke with a slight lisp that eventually became a canon gay character with his relationship with the Kink Character. He was violently hateful towards his class, verbally abusing them all the time and often particpating in bullying children. Furthermore he’s seen as incompetent. This is problematic not because he’s a gay man doing this (though it’s not great either) but because this taught children that teachers don’t care about them and that they shouldn’t listen to them because they don’t know what they’re talking about anyways. This goes into their anti-intellectual stance mentioned earlier. It enforces the idea that education systems are useless, not because of the institutional problems they have with racism, but because of the incompetence of the system.

Going back to the point of this, still with the same character, let’s further explore the problems they had when the teacher had an arc as a trans woman. Honestly, I didn’t pay much attention to it, but the show made a point to let you know that the other characters were uncomfortable when Mr. G became Ms. G. The most damning thing about this, however, is the fact that Mr. G detransitioned bc he realized he wasn’t a straight woman, just a gay man. I think this is problematic because it frames transitioning as a sexual strategy. I don’t think I have to go into detail on why that’s problematic. And while this isn’t actually a tie into how horrible their handling of this character is, it should be noted that he’s the character that went on to be their T/rump stand-in.

The next character is the Kink Man.

God, the character’s personality isn’t actually all that bad. He’s loving and caring and empathetic and actually usually on the right side of topics, but. He doesn’t separate his kink from his personal life. He’s always strutting around in leather-daddy gear and has a lisp. His name is literally Mr. S/lave. There was an episode where he shoved a hamster in his ass. To viewers, he represents the dirty gays that keep shoving their sex-life down their throats - and this view is never, ever, ever subverted, so since the show never makes fun of people for having that view it reinforces that idea in their minds.

Honestly the least problematic character of the LGBT characters that I mentioned was BGA. He’s still a stereotype, yeah, he has a gay dog and is super flamboyant and constantly talks about how proud he is but honestly that’s not really all that bad. I can’t directly recall anything bad about him except that he’s incredibly flamboyant, speaks with a lisp, and loves to call things he owns “BGA’s Big Gay [noun].” Relatable. That doesn’t mean there was nothing problematic, it just doesn’t immediately come to me.

Now, for the next most problematic “representation” in the show. First, T&C showed no signs of actually being gay before. I do recall them both being my favorite characters before they became a couple, however. T is a coffee addict which has some suspect aspects we’ll get into later, and C used to flip everyone off. This was why they were my favorites. They became gay literally when fangirls started shipping them in the show. I’m sure there was an actual fandom movement, but their getting together was incredibly forced - that was part of the joke btw, that gay shipping is always forced. What’s horrible about this is that this was in an episode about ya/oi.

Now, let’s try to dissect this issue. First off, what this tells viewers is that being gay was not a natural part of who they were, but was an active choice (if you’re being kind) or something society forced on them (if you’re not.) The two were actively fighting with the narrative that they were gay and in a relationship. I think their actual agreement for being boyfriends was more of a mutual public display than an actual relationship, but it’s a fuzzy memory because that whole episode felt like a fever dream.

What’s worse about this, is that the show actually displayed ya/oi depictions of these children within the show. Nothing NSFW, but clearly sexually charged situations were definitely shown. At the time, they were 5th graders. 9/10 year olds for those not in the states. This emboldened actual CT shippers “If the show could do it, then so can I” was the general mentality on the forums I was on. So we can talk on pedophilia to reasons why this show is awful.

And those are just the named recurring characters. Another commonly recurring character is a prostitute with a deep voice who is very sloppy looking that, from my recollection, is implied to be a transwoman. This might have just been a conclusion I drew when I was young however - but even that is reason to be critical of the character, that such a conclusion could even be drawn means it might have played a factor in the character’s inception.

They also “Solved Overpopulation” with a gay orgy. I don’t have the language to define why this sat so wrong with me, but I remember being very deeply hurt by it. I think it has something to do with the idea that homosexuality is a choice and that it should only be accepted because of the potential benefits it has for population control.

Islamophobia and Racism

Okay so I’m just gonna come out the gate by saying that they fought hard to depict the prophet Mohammad. Like, hard. And they did it twice - one time went almost unnoticed but the second had a huge backlash from the Islamic people. For those who aren’t aware, it’s sacrilege to depict Mohammad. It’s like desecrating a church, maybe worse - I really have no frame of reference for how bad it’s viewed, but however bad it is, it still boils down to being a strict taboo that S/P broke not once, but twice.

Now, as I keep reminding, my memory gets hazy for many things, especially things I wasn’t aware of being insensitive early on. I have vague memories of terrorists being depicted in traditional Sikh garb, and similar instances of directly relating Islam with terrorism. I don’t recall the show ever making fun of anyone for relating Muslims with terrorism, for all those fans out there saying they make fun of everyone.

There was an episode where the characters wore blackface. There’s a black character literally named t/oken b/lack. Sure, that could be satire and maybe even be defended if they subverted the trope, however it should be noted he’s not the only black character in the show! There was an episode where there was a child adopted from Africa whose name escapes me - he was emaciated and devoured food at an alarming rate and generally was a nuisance if I remember correctly.

There was an instance where one of the main character’s father was on Wheel of Fortune. The category was people who annoy you. the letters on the board were ‘N_ggers.’ You know where this is going, the father said the N-word. The word was really naggers, but the rest of the episode was a sympathetic journey with him dealing with being ostracized. He became known as an ‘n-word guy’ which was treated as a worse term within the universe. I say this because a law was passed where the phrase was outlawed and they said you had to have a space of at least 5 words between ‘n-word’ and ‘guy’. Also, the n-word was said multiple times by a number of white characters. Now, I know the argument people make about this episode. They say that we were supposed to find the scanario ridiculous, but the issue I take with it is more that we’re led to feel sympathetic to racists who’ve had their lives ruined for being racist. That’s the issue with South Park’s brand of ‘satire’. It satirizes one issue, but doesn’t touch on the problematic things used to support that satire.

Almost every single Mexican character is a stereotype of some sort. Either a laborer who can barely speak English, a gangbanger, or some other stereotype. There was an episode where they had C’s hand become a famous Latina popstar by singing about Mexican Food themed songs, like the actual songs ‘T/aco F/lavored K/isses’ and ‘T/aco B/urrito’. The hand’s name was Jennifer Lopez, I don’t know of these songs are direct parodies bc I’ve only heard Jenny From the Block.

And while S/P tends to stay away from very direct anti-black jokes, they don’t shy away from other races. There’s an asian character whose business is called ‘c/ity wok’, but he always pronounces it ‘shitty’ because the joke here is ‘oh haha asians have funny accents’ and literally nothing else. I honestly believe that asians receive the WORST treatment on S/P when it comes to facing racism, but I’m not qualified to make that claim. Other examples of anti-asian racism: There was an pokemon episode where they said that Japan was using anime to indoctrinate youth, they literally had the kids operate fighter jets to make an attack on the U.S. What’s worse about this, is that whenever the Japanese execs were questioned about this, every time, they dropped their pants to show how small their penises were and how they should be pitied for it. Another instance, I very strongly remember a depiction of asian characters as being lemon yellow with eyes like this: \ /. There was an episode where they had Asians violently murder whales with glee. They lean into anti-asian racism so much harder than any other form of racism - the only thing they’re worse about is their antisemitism, which will get its own section later.

Antisemitism

God there’s so much. Jew Gold, nazi imagery, the entirety of c/a/r/t/m/a/n as a character and there are so many posts on this website by people much more qualified than me to delve into what exactly is wrong with this and the depictions of it, so I’m mostly just going to catalog what comes to mind and then speak about the actual factual instances of S/P inspired antisemitism I’ve witnessed and been party to.

There was an episode devoted to Jewish people having a secret bit of gold around their necks. This was proven true in the universe when Ky gave up his ‘J*w Gold’ to C.

Ky’s mom is such an overbearing harpy who bulldozes over everyone, this was later explained as her having Jersey-Blood (yes this was a Jersey Shore joke) but before that it was completely because she was a proud Jewish woman.

Ky’s father is depicted as weak-willed and piddling. He always wears a yarmulke no matter the situation.

Ky is often depicted as being whiny and non-commital

OF ALL THE CHARACTERS, KY IS THE ONE WHO IS DEPICTED AS A HYPOCRITE THE MOST

Ky’s cousin with the same name is depicted as in poor health, complains about everything, whines about things not being fair bc they don’t go his way, and has caricatured Jewish features

As mentioned above, there are hosts of Nazi imagery associated with C

C has said every Jewish slur I have ever heard. In fact he introduced me to the concept of antisemitism

Ky, in a Christmas episode, is depicted as wishing he could celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah is depicted as a sort of consolation prize that’s Not As Good.

Ky’s father was an internet troll, and the trolls were. literal trolls. with certain features that are not great.

The following image is the Prophet Moses:

And there’s more and more and more. I will not accept anyone saying that this is just jokes because I know firsthand how insidious their treatment of Jewish people is because this show literally made me think it was okay to engage in Antisemitism. I made greedy jokes, like saying a got J**ed when i was screwed over, or that someone who was being greedy was being a J*w. I am not proud of this, and I think I grew out of it relatively quickly as I dropped that language in middle school.

But not everyone did. Even some of my closest friends were still saying they got J**ed when we were graduating high school. There were no Jewish people at my school, so there was no humanizing face for the Jewish people for us. Thank god for the Nanny or who knows what kind of person I’d be now. There were people even worse than me, I should mention. There was one person in my school who literally used J*w as a stand-in for loser because of this show. This show was the only interaction with the Jewish faith that most of my classmates ever had, and the same is true of many rural towns in America who have only Protestant populations.

Fatphobia

All the most unlikeable characters are fat. C. Ky’s mom. The gun-toting republican. And there are other specific episodes where they equate fatness to not being healthy. In their episode partnered with WoW (don’t forget that happened, y’all) the main antagonist was depicted as a no-life having loser and he was, surprise, fat. This show draws a very direct line between being fat and being unlikeable.

Sexism

God, the portrayal of women is so horrible, literally my only entry here is going to be one single link:

Note all the other isms depicted in this btw.

Substance Abuse

The prostitute mentioned in the LGBT section would wander into scenes screaming about how she wanted crack. There was an episode where they created a league of basketball players who were comprised entirely of ‘crack babies.’ I’m being generous by not putting that in the racism section because most of the babies were BIPOC which says something about the kind of people that M/att and T/rey think are addicts.

The character T/owelie is supposed to show an addict, but his addiction is literally just weed which means they’re claiming weed is addictive.

I can’t even begin to describe the show’s relationship to alcohol. As a child of an alcoholic, I can say that it’s not fucking cute that they made S’s dad a violent drunk. It’s genuinely scary to see your parent fly into a rage because of their alcoholism and them reducing it to a joke was, I think, one of the points where the ‘it’s just a joke’ mentality started to break for me personally. 

While we’re on the subject of parents, C’s mom was literally a crack addict who was also a full service sex worker. The correlation is not sympathetic in the slightest. And even worse was Ke’s parents. They were depicted as abusive, neglectful, drug-addicted rednecks. This was sometimes played to make you sympathize with Ke, and it worked because even now I can hardly think of how Ke himself was problematic rather than the situations he was in. (He’s the one who gets gruesomely murdered every episode) I don’t know if this is because of selective memory, if he was genuinely just the least problematic in the show, or if I’m waxing nostalgic for the show. Regardless, as I said, his situation was mostly played for sympathy. However, it was also played for jokes almost as often.

Pedophilia

The children are put in sexual situations a nonzero amount of times, they make priest molestation jokes, and they made jokes about MJ.

Slurs

Yeah they said them a lot. There was the aforementioned N-Word Guy episode, but there was also an episode that thinly mirrored immigrants coming to America for work and the people (time-travelers) were called ‘Goobacks’. I think the word ch*nk was used a nonzero amount of times, C used every slur for Jewish people in the book. None of these were censored by the show, any censoring was done by networks.

Why make this post?

Because I know people know this show is garbage, but I think it’s important that people know why it’s garbage with specific and nonspecific instances of why the show was problematic.

[twinkluvr67]

alright, now that my post limit is reset, this will likely be the last post i make. i’ll stick this at the end of my queue so it’ll be at the top of my page.

i have 323 followers as of writing this post. when i made the “list of users that i don’t like” list, i had maybe 316. my posts hardly get over 5 notes. i’m not some popular tumblr user that was trying to put these other people on blast... i honestly treat my tumblr as a public diary, and i make random posts just to get thoughts out of my system, and then i delete them at the end of the day.

i was never making a “blocklist”. i personally don’t give two shits if you follow those people, even though i don’t like them. so, like, stop asking to be “put on the list”... i’ve never even heard of any of you people in my ask box lmao... i don’t have any opinion on you so there’s no reason for you to even be on my “list”. honestly the fact that y’all saw a list and immediately wanted to be put on is kinda pathetic imo but that’s none of my business i guesssss

i don’t know anything about the people on my list..... i don’t even know the names of any of them. i don’t know their age, race, gender, anything... all i know is that toadprince is white and that’s basically it. and you know what? i don’t care. because guess what! it’s not a crime to dislike people who happen to be minors or poc. they’re annoying as hell and the fact that they’re my age (16) or people of color really does not change that fact. so uh... stop vilifying me for saying i don’t like them, lol. i’m allowed to have opinions and feelings.

umm, what else... oh, yeah. i don’t like homophobic jokes when they go too far. i don’t like that “y’all know homosexuality is a sin, right...?” nonsense. it’s nasty and makes me hells of uncomfortable. and the whole “i hate gay people my age” post by scammer... ugly as hell. unironically gay and homophobic (and transphobic, for making fun of neopronouns LOL). i don’t think making jokes like “i’m homophobic lel” or “i hate gay people” is bad, obviously..... i just hate when jokes like that go too far. sorry for having boundaries, i guess.

um, and i guess regarding some claims in my ask box? well firstly, i’m not racefaking, lol. my father is puerto rican and dominican and is literally brown and my mom is white. so yeah, i’m mixed latino/white. i’m not gonna drop family pics to prove it to you so you’re just gonna have to take my word for it and believe that i have literally 0 reason to racefake lmao... and about some other stuff, please stop pinning the blame on me for having this blow up. i really didn’t expect any of this to happen and it’s honestly really upsetting. also, there are some claims of nasty shit that some of those users did and i want everyone to know that whatever you say abt those users on the “list” i’m taking it with a grain of salt bc 1. you’re on anon 2. no sources and 3. lots of rumours surround popular users so it’s hard to take them at face value.

anyways, all this situation has really shown me is that i was right, lol. in all honesty? i’m not surprised at all that as soon as they caught whiff of my post, all their followers and mutuals came out of the woodwork to harass me. mean people attract mean people, after all! i mean it completely unironically when i say all of your vibes are rancid as hell.

so, i’m just taking this whole situation as a last straw for me and i’m going to finally quit using tumblr. i’ve been entirely too dependent on tumblr and the good it’s done me is over. it feels like everyday i see something upsetting and honestly the only reason i stayed was for my friends, and for all the art i love to see. i’ve been wanting to quit tumblr for a long long time and now that this whole thing happened, i’m really ready to let it go. this website is great for a lot of reasons, but ultimately the entire environment is just... really awful. even staying within my small circle of good mutuals and some other choice people i follow, there’s no real way to escape negativity. i’ve been doing really well with my life lately... i got a new hobby (friendship bracelets!!) and i’ve been taking meds for my mental health. i’m more active and getting out of the house and taking more care of my body, and i’m finally feeling more like a real person. but whenever i get back into using tumblr regularly, it feels like all that progress is taken away.

i just want to live my life without fear that everything i say is going to be scrutinized and/or taken the wrong way. i just want to live a normal life, free of weird annoying people who think they’re woke for bullying others. at least in real life people own up to their bullying, lol. 

but, yeah... goodbye, i guess. i’m gonna focus on my mental health now and get back into learning korean and practice drawing more and maybe learn how to knit and sew. maybe i’ll even start writing again! who knows. anyways, this site is poison and i really regret being here since i was 13. and, uh, get therapy. @ literally all of you

if you want to know what i’m up to or you want to talk or anything, feel free add me on discord (vera#0877). i don’t really use other social media, so discord will pretty much be the only way to reach me. if my discord changes and you can’t add me, ask @vrisdaves for my new one.

seeya o7