#even a private doctor confirmed it

[atlasisntdead]

Discovering that I'm traumatized by things I didn't even know I could be traumatized by

[hamadisthings]

HELP US STOP CHAT CONTROL!

If you live in the EU, you absolutely need to pay attention to what's to come. What is Chat Control, you may ask? In a (failed) attempt to combat child abuse online the EU made Chat Control, Chat Control will result in getting your private messages and emails to be scanned by artificial intelligence aka AI to search for CSAM pictures or discussion that might have grooming in there. And on top of having your private conversations handed to AI or the police to snoop in, like your family pictures, selfies, or more sensitive pics, like the medical kind, only meant to be seen by your doctors, or the "flirtatious" kind you send to your partner, you either have to ACCEPT to be scanned...or else you will be forbidden from sending pictures, videos, or even links, as said here.

Kids should absolutely be protected online, without question, but the things that Chat Control gets wrong is that this is a blatant violation of privacy, without even considering the fact that AI WILL create tons of false positives, this is not a theory, this is a fact. And for all the false positives that will be detected, all of them will be sent to the police, which will just flood their system with useless junk instead of efficiently putting resources to actual protect kids from predators.

It also does not help that politicians, police officers, soldiers etc will be exempt from Chat Control if it passes. If it's for the sake of protection, shouldn't everyone get the same treatment? Which further prove that Chat Control would NOT keep your data of private life safe. Plus, bad actors will simply stop using messenger apps as soon as they know they're being tracked, using more obscure means, meanwhile innocent people will be punished by using those services On top of this, the EU also plans on reintroducing Data retention called "EU Going Dark". Both Chat Control and EU Going Dark are clear violation of the GDPR, and even if they shouldn't stand a chance in court, its not going to prevent politicians from trying to ram these through as an excuse to mass surveil European citizens, using kids as a shield. Even teenagers sending pictures to each other won't be exempt, which entirely goes against the purpose of protecting kids by retaining their private photos instead. Furthermore, once messaging apps are forced to comply with Chat Control, the president of Signal, a secured messaging app with encryption, have confirmed that they will be forced to leave the EU if this is enforced against them.

If Chat Control also ends up targeting any websites with the option of private messages, you better expect Europe to be geo-blocked by any websites offering such function. I would also like to add that EU citizens were very vocal in the fight against KOSA, an equally bad internet bill from the US-- and it showed! Which is why we heavily need the help of our fellow US peers to fight against Chat Control too, so please, because we all know if it passes, the US government will take a look at this and conclude "Ooh, a way to force mass surveillance on citizens even more than before? don't mind if I do!" It's always a snowball effect.

KEEP IN MIND THE EUROPE COUNCIL WILL LIKELY VOTE ON CHAT CONTROL THIS 19 JUNE OF NEXT WEEK TO SEE IF IT WILL ENTER TRILOGIES OR NOT. Even if it does enter Trilogues, the fight will only be beginning. Absentees may not count as a no, so it is crucial that you contact your MEPs HERE, as well as HERE, and you can also show your support for Edri's campaign against Chat Control HERE.

You can read more on Chat Control here as well, and you can find useful information as to which arguments to use when politely contacting your MEP (calling is better than email) here, and beneath you will find graphics you can use to spread the word!

YOU CAN ALSO JOIN OUR DISCORD SERVER (linked here) TO HELP ORGANIZE AGAINST CHAT CONTROL NON EU PEOPLE ARE MORE THAN WELCOME TO JOIN TOO!

https://discord.gg/FPDJYkUujM

PLEASE REBLOG ! NON EU PEOPLE ARE ENCOURAGED TO REBLOG AS WELL CONTACT YOUTUBERS, CONTENT CREATORS, ANYONE YOU KNOW THAT MAY HELP GET THE WORD OUT ! Let's fight for our Internet and actually keep kids safe online! Because Chat Control and EU Going Dark will only endanger kids.

PLEASE REBLOG! NON EU PEOPLE ARE ENCOURAGED TO REBLOG AS WELL CONTACT YOUTUBERS, CONTENT CREATORS, ANYONE YOU KNOW THAT MAY HELP GET THE WORD OUT !

Let's fight for our Internet and actually keep kids safe online! Because Chat Control and EU Going Dark will only endanger kids.

[starkwlkr]

silver springs | mark webber

thanks to everyone who voted! like my seb fic, this will only have three parts

part 2 part 3

warning: cheating

requests are closed

INSTRAGRAM

liked by sebastianvettel, landonorris and 563,377 others

yourusername congratulations oscarpiastri on your incredible sprint race win! first win in f1, but it won’t be the last!

oscarpiastri ❤️

papayafans481 DESERVED

teampiastri did anyone see the interview with david coulthard and mark webber?😭

leclerctears what happened??

teampiastri david kept bringing up y/n and mark couldn’t even say her name 🥲 he said mclaren team principal when referring to her

lewis8wdc what the fuck happened between them?🤨 i know they dated I’m guessing they ended on bad terms

op81xx girl they were gonna get married 😭 mark had the ring and even asked y/n’s family for their blessing there’s a thread on twitter about them

aussiegrit ❤️

multi21bitch you ain’t slick old man 🤨

view all 34,366 comments

UNITED STATES GRAND PRIX

Lando had scored a podium finish while Oscar had unfortunately suffered a DNF. After the podium ceremony, you were on your way back to the Mclaren garage when you heard a familiar voice. Mark was speaking with Fernando when you had walked by them. It had been years since you were that close to Mark. Of course he was in the Mclaren garage since he was Oscar’s manager, but you were a pro at avoiding Mark Webber.

You kept walking and finally made it to the garage where you congratulated the team for their effort.

“When was the last time she spoke to you?” Fernando questioned the Aussie. He was great friends with both you and Mark. He was one of many that thought you two would end up getting married. He was utterly shocked when Mark had told him that you were no longer together.

“March twenty fifth twenty thirteen. She blocked my number, she told me I couldn’t contact any of her family members either.” He explained. “I fucked up my life, Fernando.”

No one apart from Mark and you knew the reason for the break up.

“What did you do?”

“I hurt her. After Malaysia happened, y/n tried to comfort me, but I pushed her away. I stayed in the paddock late while y/n was already in our hotel room waiting for me, i told her to just go to sleep but she never listens. I was on my way back and I decided to go to a bar and I met a woman there. . . ”

It didn’t take a genius to know what would happen next.

“Shit, Mark.” Fernando mumbled.

“That’s not even the worst part, mate. I came back to our hotel room in the morning and she had her suitcase packed. She was going back home. The woman I was with had texted her from my phone and told her everything.” Mark remembered that night all too well. “She told me she never wanted to see me again . . .”

“Funny how that turned out.”

“But she also told me something else. Her doctor had called her a few days ago and told her she was pregnant. I fucked up my life all because I got mad at the result of a stupid race!”

Like everything else in the paddock, Mark’s words didn’t stay a secret for long. A rumor confirmed true traveled fast.

PRIVATE INSTAGRAM

liked by susie_wolff, clairewilliams_official and 143 others

yourprivate happy birthday, my darling 🎀✨ i look forward to your sidewalk chalk artwork everyday ❤️

susie_wolff she’s getting so big! happy birthday!

yourprivate i’m not ready for her to grow anymore🥹

clairewilliams_official what an artist!❤️

yourprivate my own little picasso ❤️

zbrownceo happy birthday 🎂 i hope she enjoyed all the gifts the team and i sent

yourprivate she loved every single one, thank you!

[just-a-jock]

Doctors appointment

You’ve always hated the doctors office and appointments. Something about waiting around, taking off work early or even entirely just to be told to get some rest always bothered you. After getting your new insurance your friends and family kept pressing for you to get your yearly physical and ended up crumbling to the pressure. You looked online for the first appointment that wouldn’t interior your work and found a 7PM appointment with Dr.Hendrix.

You were happy to find an appointment outside of normal working outs and shocked to even see it was available but you immediately booked it. Cut to today where you are walking into the clinic, Hendrixxx MD. You saw on the sign sounds more like a porn studio than a doctors office. After checking in, the abnormally attractive nurse showed you to the patient room.

As you sat down you looked around the room filled with pictures of insanely buff gay men all partying

“All my patients, aren’t they attractive”

You jump in the chair from being surprised and then turn around and see the attractive 20-something in doctor getup.

“Hi, my name is Dr. Hendrix. I’ll be helping you today” he said we a confidence of a high school jock. He reached out to shake your hand as you see his shirt strain with every movement clear sign of someone who buys their shirt once size too small.

“It’s nice to meet you” you respond shyly as he smirks

“Now let’s see you’re here for your physical…. Okay can you please change out of your clothes and into this” he said rummaging through his drawer until he pulled out a small beige color brief.

“Uh…. What is that. I’m not putting that on” you respond with a bit of worry and shock

“This is standard for any physical preformed in my clinic. I have to inspect your body and skin and I can’t do that with your clothes on. If you don’t want to then we can cancel this appointment but you will be charged the channel fee which is 200% of the service without insurance” he responded smirking almost like he’s said this exact spiel before.

“And how much would that be” you respond

“Well a normal physical here cost $550 per session so you would have to pay $1100.”

You swallow knowing you don’t have enough in your savings to pay that. After sometime you decide what’s the worse that can happen you do have to get a physical anyways and you are already here. You grab the pair from his hand as he smirks watching you walk to the small bathroom in the office.

Inside you start to change out of your clothes and take a glance at the brief before you put it on. The material felt like spandex very similar to the speedos those annoying instagays wear while at the beach. On the top right corner near the groin you noticed the brand name “Jake”. Finally you put the briefs on, feeling the slick Lycra material against your skin especially against your cock making you shiver.

As you walk back in the exam room you see the doctor smile.

“Great, please sit down and we can begin” he said patting on the examination chair

As you sit down on the cold table as Dr. Hendrix looked over your body and going back and forth from his clipboard. He begins touching your body all over specify your biceps, pecs and abs. You were about to say something until…

“So unfortunately you do have a condition called male hypogonadism. Basically your body doesn’t produce enough testosterone.”

You look at him with shock. You have always been healthy and your precious doctors have never mentioned anything about low testosterone.

“ just to confirm I’m going to need to take a look at your testicles” he said

“What? No, why?” You replied in shock and confusion

“Due to your testicles being the center of testosterone production it would give me a better picture”

After taking sometime to ponder you decide to go with it as you wanted to avoid anything bad in the future. You pull down the briefs and let him inspect your private area. You looked at the ceiling trying to avoid eye contact while examined your parts. You felt like he was down there for a while until you felt a sharp pain right in your balls. Quickly looking down your eye widen seeing a needle being struck inside your sack. Inside the syringe was a semi-viscous off-white liquid being slowly pushed inside. Before you’re even able to react the entirety of the needle has been injected into your balls. You finally push back the doctor and fall back onto the chair quickly pulling up the briefs.

“WHAT THE FUCK, what did you put into me” you scream at him as he gets up from the ground with a smirk

“Calm down, I injected you with a testosterone booster to help your body produce more testosterone naturally”

“I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO THAT, I’m going to fucking report you to the medical board and get to clinic closed” you said putting your hands on the side of the chair about to get up

“You really can’t make this easy” he replied as he pressed a button underneath his desk. 4 clamps came out of the chair you were sitting at and locked themselves around your wrist and legs. You fight against the restraints but seem to be holding you tighter the more you fought.

“Now that I finally have you settled I can explain to you the procedure. Normally have plenty of guys coming to my office looking for testosterone boosters to help them bulk up but you just wanted a regular check up. Well I couldn’t have someone like you be a regular at my clinic and representing my work so I decided to change you to be more like the others that come out of her”

“ You won’t fucking get away with this freak, let me go!” You shout at him and simultaneously asking for help.

“Oh but I had even a better idea. My clinic finally got access to a trail run of this new medication which is Testosterone replacement therapy and that’s what I inject in you. Basically the medication is mixed with DNA and injected into the subject. Slowly the medication will rewrite the subjects DNA into the provided template. Of course I wanted to try this out first so I decide for you to be my test dummy.”

Your eyes widen as you realize what he is doing to you.

“Haha yes I inject some of my semen inside your testicle and soon the process will start wor…”

“AHHHH” you screamed as he was caught off. You immediately starts to feel a sharp hot heat radiating from your cock and balls. “Fuck fuck what did you do to me” you say with your eyes closed. Your body starts to involuntarily start to buck in the air.

“I guess the show has started” he responds smirking and siting back in his desk chair

With the repeated bucking in the air you start to notice your cock get insanely hard straining against the speedo. Your balls start to pull like they have their own heart beat. Slowly your cock starts to expand past it’s normal hard state creating a noticeable bulge in the speedo, the growing balls behind it don’t help in hiding it either as it continues to push your cock to forefront of the brief creating a perfect outline of your cock. You feel inside your ball changing as if your old cum is being destroyed. Your cum factories are being invaded and being modified to produce a foreigners substance. The pulsing starts to increased as you knew it has finally taken over and has started to produce the new boosted testosterone. The hormones starts to travel through your body ready to modify the rest to the provided template

“Please…. Stop..” you’re able to squirm before the change continue on.

Next your body hair starts to fall out leaving your body smooth like those typical gay fuckboys you see all over the beach. Though you notice certain areas actually increase in volume and of course the typical fetish zones. Your armpit hair starts to puff up becoming dark and noticeable from a far. And lastly you lock down as your pubes starts to climb up like ivy on a wall until they rest just above the briefs taunting anyone looking at your cock.

As your body hair finishes up the hormone start to target the main cause of gay desire, your muscles. Slowly your legs start to inflate growing large and strong like you have been doing squats since your teenage years along with your ass growing outwards and making your seat a little more comfortable. You do notice your hole slightly relax cementing yourself as the perfect verse . Your biceps grow along to match your new legs until they are the size of footballs. Next you feel the changes concentrate on your core as a set of washboard abs start to manifest on the service of your stomach perfectly completing the exposed pubes from before. You even notice them growing a little more upwards to perfect the change. Lastly came the beautiful set of pecs which started to pump outwards matching the pulses of your balls. They finally create a nice shelf over your abs as your nipples darken and start to point outward. The changes to your muscles settle as your body looks identical to the hot doctor in front of you. You open your eyes and look around thinking the changes are over until your balls start to pulsate once again. The sensation travels up your body until your head feels a massive pressure. Slowly your bone structure starts to morph mimicking that of the doctors. Your lips plump outwards ready to introduce every and all cocks it can find. Your cheekbones move upwards giving you a sharp face and a semi permanent smile. All the fat melts away from your neck leaving behind a jawline that can cut glass and a prominent adams apple. The changes settle thinking the last of it has happened and pleading to the doctor to change you back.

“Please please, I don’t want this. I want to be me” you beg of him

“Oh don’t worry, you’re going to love your life after a while and you won’t even remember your old one” he said pressing another button as the restraints pull you down forcing you to lay backside to the chair as you stair at the ceiling. You hear him opening his drawer again and rummaging around until he starts to walk over to you.

“Now this is the final step before you become the perfect clone” he said placing a pair of oil spill colored glasses. You scream as he slowly places the glass onto your face until they sit perfect. You immediately quiet down as he smirks know it’s working.

Your eyes are forced open as inside the glasses start to display videos of memories foreign to you. All you can do is grunt trying to fight back from these new memories forcing them selfs inside your brain replacing your old. Your mind is completely enthralled and you almost don’t notice the doctor has pulled down your speedo and whispers something under his breath

This will help the reprogramming along. He places something over his….. your cock. You start to freak out knowing the reprogramming has started to take effect your mind not being able to between him and yourself. As he ticks the speedo back into place you notice this foreign object get right around the base of your cock and slowly start to buzz creating an orgasmic feeling making your mind even weaker and more susceptible to the brainwashing.

Your mouth opens as the video starts to play more explicit images and videos. Guys fucking, partying, doing drugs everything typical of a circuit party gay. The buzzing gets even stronger during these parts causing you to moan. Soon your cock starts to produce precum creating a large wet spot at the front of the cream colored brief. Finally with the last of the programming finishing up you finally see

CUM

With that your body shakes as your cock shoots loads of your old cum all over the inside of your speedo which is quickly soaked up. The doctor finally releases you from the restraints as your body gets up you realize you can still hear, feel and see everything but your body does not respond to your thoughts.

“It worked perfectly. You’re a 1 to 1 replica of myself. Now the technology of the reprogramming is still in being worked on so I’ll need you to keep the glasses on for now. Understood”

“yes” your body responds in a foreign voice and against your will

“Great, now here are my keys and I booked you.. I mean me a flight to Hawaii. I’m going to need you to post content on our profile and make sure to tell guys about our clinic. Now enjoy”

Your body leaves the room still in your speedo. The nurse at the front smirks knowing what just happened.

.

.

.

A few weeks later you are staying at a resort working out in the complimentary outdoor gym. You noticed some guy keeps looking at you throughout your workout. He finally comes up to you while you’re working on the dumbbells

“Wow you’re built as hell bro. Got any tips?” He asked

“Haha come to my room and I can show you” I replied smirking as he got the hint.

[a-killer-obsession]

OKAY I DID IT, I FIGURED OUT THE LAYOUT

Disclaimer: it seems like the size of the ship changes every time we see it, but the newest eps vs wano seem pretty consistent so I went with that and used Wire's height for scale

Floor layouts under the cut ✂️

Edit: you can find clearer/more detailed versions here

Layout based on the 31 member crew that Oda confirmed. I also took in to account that a significant portion of the members are fucking massive, so everything is bigger which matches the scale it's drawn in. Floors are approx 5m high with 2m wide doors in most places, which makes sense when a good portion of the crew are 3m tall.

Sorry about my handwritting lmao I'm so tired but I have serious brainworms and couldn't sleep

The specifics:

Kid's Floor

Of course he has his own floor

Quarters include his own private dining space which I imagine would also include a workdesk, bedroom with king sized bed and probably a couch, walk in closet, and bathroom definitely large enough for a massive tub

Workshop also has bathroom entrance for when he's feelin lazy

Ladder space in the middle goes straight through, this is so crew going to the castle deck don't access his floor

Commander's floor

Heat, Wire and Killer have their own rooms and a private lounge just for them and Kid

Heat and Wire share a large bathroom, definitely big enough for normal bath

Heat and Killer have king sized beds, Wire's bed is almost as wide as a king but mostly it's made especially long

Small decking that runs the whole way around, unspoken rule that crew aren't allowed there since windows peer into commander's rooms

Killer could probably fit a drumkit in his room 👀

Cannon Deck

We get peeks of this in the anime and in Oda's notes but they're fuzzy so I just did my best

Made a mistake tho, cannon platform should be whole way around back like a U shape to account for 3 cannons facing backwards, total 9 cannons

Theoretically this is where the helm should be so uh that's where I put it

Screenshots make it look like they also store a lot of other weapons here

Main deck

Forecastle includes navigation room with bookcases, central table, and desk for paperwork

Forecastle also has infirmary with two longer than normal beds to account for larger crewmates, and a desk for crew doctor to keep notes

Door between nav and infirmary cos Kid is lazy

Kitchen and pantry. Given the rooms are 5m from floor to ceiling I imagine that pantry would have a small mezzanine accessed by a ladder to take advantage of vertical space (and would be a sick place to nap)

Galley/dining hall contains 3 bench style tables, seating 10 large crewmates each, with one extra fancy chair at the end of one for Kid

Lower deck

Did my best to do some math to figure out how many larger than normal beds were required and decided on 6 bunks for 12 larger crewmates

Additional rooms for average sized crewmates include 4 rooms with 2 bunks each, and one room with 1 bunk, making for a total of 30 beds below deck. That means, counting the commanders for the 31, there are currently 3 empty beds, so a few rooms aren't complete full

Probably looks like fuck all space but its actually significant for a ship living quarters

According to google you only need 1 toilet per 10 people and 1 shower per 40 but that seems like BS. Bathroom has 4 large, accessible sized toilets, 4 showers, long benches down the center and a long counter with plenty of space and mirrors for makeup, given how many crewmates wear it

Also, storage room. Could be converted to extra room for another bunk

Hold

Access via ladder

4 cells. No toilets, you get a bucket ✌️ tbh might not even have beds but there's room for em anyway

Desk in case they need to keep an eye on prisoners

3 storage rooms, but i think one of these would actually be a torture room. Probably the one by the desk.

Mechanisms for power and water are probably in one of these rooms as well as a lot of materials for ship repairs

Also of note

Crows nest is definitely big enough for a bench, definitely big enough for... activities. Not as big as the Sunny's though I dont think a gym would fit, I think it'd be more likely that gym equipment is kept on the cannon deck

Idk if the mizzenmast is supposed to go all the way through but that physically can't happen with where the helm needs to be based on screenshots so ✌️

Crows nests are definitely access via climbing nets

Please absolutely feel free to use this as a reference for fanfictions, but I'd appreciate a shout out if you do 💖

[ckret2]

Chapter 64 of human Bill Cipher being 50% the prisoner & 50% the weird guest of the Mystery Shack:

Soos makes a deeply significant moral decision. To redecorate!

If you're seeing this picture, it's because I either didn't have enough time to draw a better one before the queue spat out this chapter, or I decided that nothing else I could draw would be half as funny.

####

Whenever Soos faced something difficult, he talked to Abuelita. And Bill was nothing if not something difficult.

Soos laid out the situation to her in the living room as she watched her telenovelas—she didn't mind the distraction, she far preferred real life drama over anything they put on TV. He told her about the confiscated canes, the daily injuries, the bargaining for food, the threat of forced showers, the bruises and burns and blood Bill said nothing about. He told her about Bill's door trick and how he'd only used it to talk to a teen about life and tuck a kid into bed. Once he'd told Abuelita all his thoughts, she nodded slowly, eyes still fixed to the TV screen; and for the moment, said nothing.

The doctor on TV confirmed the tearful new mother's suspicions that her husband had cheated (DNA tests confirmed the baby was another woman's), and Abuelita muted the show as it went to a commercial break. Soos waited as she collected her thoughts to render her judgment.

"I have been talking to Mr. Cipher for the last month or so. He keeps me company while I cook so I do not poison him again," she said. "I think he is ruthless, manipulative, and self-centered."

Soos winced, but nodded. "That's true."

Abuelita went on, "I like him. He is self-confident. He's blunt in a way you only get when you're old and cynical. I think he is a bad person; but, many bad people are good company."

"That's also true." Soos nodded again thoughtfully. Like whenever a comic book had a young idealistic superhero team up with an old jaded ex-villain who played by his own rules, and they ended up best friends, in spite of their glaring ethical and political differences.

"But, more importantly than whether he is a good person or a bad person," Abuelita said, "he is a person. And if you do not like a person, there are three ways you can deal with him." She counted off on her fingers, "You can kill him; you can avoid him; or you can set your feelings aside, and treat him with decency. Yes, get rid of the people who are bad for you—but no matter how terrible a person is, you must treat him like a person."

Soos's eyes lit up. "Oh, like with grandpa!"

Abuelita nodded slowly. "Yes. Just like grandpa."

"Yeah but—what if treating him decently is, you know... dangerous? Like if he uses any privileges we give him to do bad stuff? The Pines think he will. And I think he might be secretly talking to his cultists or whatever? Who miiight wanna destroy the world? But what if they can't destroy the world actually, and if I tell about the people he's talking to, he gets treated even worse..."

"Without his devil powers, he couldn't destroy a bookclub," Abuelita said. "But, if he is so dangerous, are you going to kill him?"

"No. I actually don't think we can anymore?"

"Are you going to avoid him?"

Soos let out a heavy sigh. "I can't as long as he lives here."

Abuelita shrugged, as if to say there you have it. "You are a good, kind man, mijo. I am sure you will figure out the right thing to do."

####

He took Melody out for lunch. They went through a drive-thru so they could park and talk privately in the truck.

She took a firmer stance on it than Abuelita. "I do not want to be stuck with Bill forever," she said. "I could put up with it this long because I thought the Pines would get rid of him as soon as possible! Now that he's staying here indefinitely...?" She shook her head. "I really don't like it, Soos."

Soos wasn't surprised. "Do... you think they should have 'gotten rid' of him?"

Melody paused, then shook her head again. "This whole thing is such a bizarre situation. Like, I can get why it makes sense to execute the guy that can end the world, but... I just don't think that's a decision two random guys with a big gun should be allowed to make," she said. "Honestly? I think we should call some federal agency and put him in jail somewhere. You know I've been iffy on Ford's 'only we can contain Bill' thing from the start."

"Yeah. I know." Soos agreed with Ford—he was the Bill expert, he would know—but he couldn't say Melody was wrong, either.

"Our wedding's scheduled for the end of summer," Melody said. "And... I'm sorry, Soos, but I just can't live under the same roof as the guy that turned me into a statue. We'll still get married—"

"—Oh, phew, almost had a heart attack there—"

"—pff, sorry. But if Bill's still in the shack after the summer, then... then I'll keep staying with my aunt, or we could move into your old house and just visit the shack for work, or something... but I can't move into the shack permanently until he moves out."

"Okay. I accept that." Even if the rest of them had sorta gotten used to living with Bill, Soos thought not wanting to live with a former torturer/conqueror/dictator was a pretty reasonable boundary. "I dunno what we'll do long-term just yet, but—we'll decide on something before the wedding."

Melody let out a long, nervous sigh. "Okay," she said. "Okay. Thanks, Soos." She reached across the truck's center console.

Soos took her hand. "But, how do you think we should handle Bill until then?"

Melody stared out the window at the gray sky. The rain had dried up before dawn, but the sky was still hazy. "If we keep guarding him ourselves instead of getting law enforcement involved... personally? I wouldn't give him any kind of special treatment at all. He tried to end the world! He stuck the whole town in a throne! He can just keep sleeping on the floor and being miserable, and I'd be fine with it."

Soos winced. "I see."

Melody squeezed his hand. "But—the fact that you're kinder than that is one of the things I love about you. Even when the creep you're being kind to doesn't deserve it." She gave him a resigned smile. "Do whatever you feel is right."

He considered that. Then he nodded. "I will."

####

Bill kept Soos's Abuelita company while she cooked, and gossiped with her in Spanish better than Soos's about people Bill had never even met. Bill liked watching cartoons, sports where people got hurt, and weirdly intellectual movies Soos didn't get, and he heckled historical documentaries and the news. Bill was offended by white rice and had incredibly strong opinions about salsas for a guy who'd only started eating them a month ago. Bill hadn't taken his friendship bracelet off once since Mabel gave it to him. Bill might not have been a human; but he was a person.

It was high time they start treating him like one.

####

Soos came home late in the afternoon with his truck laden down with supplies. Stan's car was gone, and when Soos came in with an armload of wooden boards he didn't see anybody around except Abuelita, napping in the living room, and Dipper, laying on the living room floor watching TV. "Hey dude," Soos whispered. "Where's everybody else?"

Dipper whispered back, "Hey Soos. Stan and Ford are at McGucket's mansion." He didn't look up from the TV. He was watching a rerun of Ghost Harassers on mute. "Mabel's with Bill in the floor room. He's in a bad mood about something so they've been doing karaoke all day."

"Huh." Soos could faintly hear someone playing his electric piano. It sounded like it was on the organ setting. "I didn't know he plays piano."

"He's alright," Dipper said. "His singing's terrible, though."

Soos shuddered. He could imagine.

Well, at least it meant Bill was out of the way. Soos began his first of many trips upstairs.

####

"What's all this racket?" Stan trudged upstairs to inspect Soos's noises—and abruptly stopped at the top of the stairs as he almost ran into a wooden beam. "What the—?"

"Oh, hey Mr. Pines!" Soos hooked his hammer on his tool belt. He'd put up wall framing to section off the corner of the attic floor that included the window seat.

Stan circled around the framing, inspecting it in bafflement. "Soos, what the heck is this?"

"So, remember at the beginning of summer, when I said that me and Melody were thinking about putting in a gaming room-slash-guest room in the attic? And Ford said not to bother until Bill was gone because he wouldn't be here long enough for me to finish? Welp! Sounds like he's gonna be here long enough for me to finish now! So I thought, hey, might as well, right? No reason not to!" He shrugged. "By the way, do you think I should put the door in front of the stairs, or on the long side of the room opposite the window? If it's in front of the stairs, you can just walk right in the room when you come up, and we'd be able to put a big screen on the long wall; but when you're walking out of the room it'd be really easy to forget the stairs are there and fall, and uh, we already have enough of a problem with that—"

Stan finally got his dropped jaw working again. "But this is where the demon sleeps! Where are we supposed to put him now?!"

"Oh, it's fine! Bill can keep sleeping in here. I'll put up a curtain instead of a door for now. This way the room's ready for gaming once Bill's gone." Soos planted his hands on his hips and surveyed his handiwork with pride.

"Are you crazy? You're giving Bill his own room?! No way! He could do anything in private. We can't trust him with that—"

"Listen." Soos gave Stan a serious look. "Mr. Pines, I respect you, and I love you like the dad I never had except technically I do have a dad but he's off being a deadbeat in Florida or something so he doesn't count."

He pointed at the floor. "But this is my house now. My name might not be on the deed, but my butt is in the master bedroom! And nobody under my roof is living like—like—like some kind of starving hobo sleeping on a bench under a newspaper, you know what I'm talking about? The Mystery Shack is a happy place! Where people come to see dreams come true and have their imaginations expanded! And I won't see it turned into some sad one-man prison!"

Stan stared at Soos, speechless.

"So." Soos took a deep breath. "With all due respect—I'm building a gaming room, and it'll have walls, and Bill gets to sleep in it. Because he's a person! And we're gonna treat him like one!"

Stan slowly looked from Soos to the wall framing, to the boxes of supplies he'd bought for the room and pushed against a wall to wait—to the pathetic couch cushion bed still sitting on the floor in front of the window. "All right. That's—that's fine. I'll let Ford know."

Soos's shoulders relaxed. "Thanks, Mr. Pines."

Stan clapped a hand on Soos's shoulder; looked for a moment like he wanted to say something; then just shook his head and said instead, "Knock off the hammering before the kids go to bed, all right?"

"No problem! I've gotta set up some furniture and stuff in here anyway." He got back to work as Stan went downstairs.

####

Soos paused his work when he overheard Bill's voice: "Hey Stanford. Figured out the kitchen situation yet?"

Soos had to strain to hear Ford (jeez, Bill was loud) as he said, "We haven't had a chance yet. For now, we can at least leave one of the counter cabinets open."

"Huh." It didn't sound like an impressed huh. "And will this open cabinet have any of the foods you put in the cabinet to hide from me? Or just more of the junk I've already been scavenging."

Ford was silent long enough to provide the answer.

"Right."

"I went by the grocery store," Ford offered. "I got avocados."

"Uh huh."

"And several pepper varieties."

"Ooh." Bill sounded intrigued in spite of himself.

"And protein drinks. They're nutritious, at least," Ford said. "But—I know that's not adequate. Stan and I will have something permanent figured out by the end of the week."

"I guess it's fine as an emergency measure," Bill said, "but you know how the phrase goes! Give a triangle a protein drink, and it'll eat for a day. Teach a triangle to open the fridge, and it'll eat for the rest of its life. If you lift that curse..."

"We'll talk. But don't get your hopes up. Neither of us likes the thought of giving you the power to come in our bedroom and smother us in our sleep the next time we have an argument."

"Fine." Bill's voice had hardened again. "You've got to the end of the week. But don't forget! If I don't like your offer, I don't have to take it! You can't keep me in this rickety barn anymore."

"I haven't forgotten."

The conversation seemed to be over and Soos didn't hear anyone coming up the stairs. He got back to work.

He felt good. He was doing the right thing.

####

When Mabel came up to bed, she stared in confusion at the modified attic floor, squealed in excitement when she realized what she was looking at, surprised Soos with a hug, and gushed about how great it was; and then she let Soos know Dipper and Ford were out tonight investigating weird stuff and went on to bed herself.

The first notification Soos had that Bill had come upstairs was a flat, offended, "What."

"Oh, hey!" Soos ducked out of the opening he'd left for the doorway—which he'd ultimately decided to put straight across from the window, to let a little light back into the attic. (He'd have to add more lighting in the main attic now that the window was blocked off.) Bill was standing at the corner of the new room, surveying the work with an expression of deep suspicion.

Soos said, "I was just getting started on this gaming room Melody and me wanted to put in—it's okay though, you can keep using it, we'll just turn it into a gaming room, uhhh... lllater. Whenever, it's cool!"

Bill turned his suspicious look on Soos; but when Soos gestured for Bill to follow him into the room, he reluctantly followed.

"Yeah, I got up the framing," Soos said, "but I couldn't get to the drywall today, so I just stapled up some tarps to be walls for now. But, look!" He gestured grandly. "I brought up the old orange sofa and chaise thingy that used to be in Abuelita's room! They've been in storage for like a year. I bet we could sit, like, six people on it for game nights. It turns out the sofa's a daybed, so we can use it as an extra guest bed for visitors, we do not have enough beds for visitors in the shack, haha. And, check it—" Soos flipped up the lid on a chest he'd placed in front of the right end of the sofa like a footrest. "I put in one of those top-down chest fridges for gaming snacks! It uh, the top of it swings up, that makes it a lid instead of a door, right? Sooo I guess you can use it too, right? You can just, put whatever you want on the weekly grocery list, and we'll put it in here. Oh, and!" He pointed at the ancient TV console table he'd hauled up from the cellar, "I set up a hot plate here, too! So you can cook stuff in the attic! For—for normal legitimate gaming room purposes."

Bill's gaze followed where Soos pointed, from the ancient orange sofa to the fridge chest to the hot plate. He didn't say anything. His expression was completely unreadable.

Soos swallowed. "Oh, and, by the way, speaking of home improvements, I took out the doorknob on the main bathroom, and put in one of those, like, little slidy dealies like public bathroom stalls? Plus I gave the door those swinging hinges—like the kind on saloon doors in the movies, o-or, say, the door into the gift shop—"

Bill whipped around to face Soos.

Soos jumped. He laughed nervously and tried to remember what point he was making. "S-so, um... there's no latch now, so it doesn't latch, which means there's no way to accidentally get locked in—or out, of the bathroom, and... and I don't actually know how much of that you understood, due to the whole curse thing? Just forget everything I just said, I guess, the important thing is you can use that bathroom without asking someone else now! Cool, right?"

He had to turn away from Bill's intense gaze, pointing back at the gaming room's doorway. "Anyway since the room isn't finished yet and you're probably gonna use it for a while, I hung up a curtain instead of a door. And I added that cool zodiac spell blanket thing Mabel gave me inside the curtain! Since you said you liked it so much when you first got here. And like... having it in our room kinda creeps Melody out, I think it might be giving her nightmares? So I thought you might like it better. Anyway I've still gotta do some other stuff, like add power outlets in here, and air conditioning, and... a-and..." He petered out weakly.

Bill was giving Soos the most venomous look he'd ever seen. 

"Sure. Terrific." Bill crossed his arms, seething. "I've slept on the floor, I can cope with sleeping in the middle of a construction zone too. No big deal! I'll make do."

"Oh," Soos said. "Uh... if it bothers you, I could try to get the walls finished tomorrow? Shack's closed tomorrow too, so, I was already planning to keep—"

Teeth grit, Bill snarled, "Don't put yourself out on my behalf."

Soos froze. "Oookay! Uh... well, I'll be getting ready for bed if you need... yeah, no, you—you probably don't need anything. Bye." He ducked out into the attic, letting out a whoosh of a sigh as soon as the curtain swung shut behind him.

Bill had looked like he was two seconds from ripping out Soos's throat. Why? Had he liked sleeping on the floor? He'd never seemed like he had. Maybe he'd preferred the attic's open flooring? Maybe he hated extremely 70's orange upholstery? Was this a mistake...?

Bill watched through the tarp until Soos was down the stairs. Then he lunged over the sofa, hanging over the back by his waist, to reach the attic window seat. He groped for the corner of the seat cushion where he'd hidden Journal 4.

He sighed in relief when he felt the familiar rectangular block in the cushion. He pulled it free: there was Journal 4, along with his two stubby crayons. As well as two marker pens, black and red, with a sticky note wrapped around them that said, "Thought these might be useful, dude!"

Bill's hands trembled with fury.

####

Soos was brushing his teeth when someone pounded on the bathroom door, making him drop his brush. The door swung open a couple of inches; Soos heard Bill mutter a confused, "What?" before it swung shut again.

Soos opened the door. "Bill? What's..."

Bill's face was completely flushed. It was hauntingly reminiscent of the look he'd had last year right before trying to murder Soos and the kids in Stan's mind. His rage had shot past "apoplectic" and landed on "apocalyptic." Soos understood how Pompeii had felt when the rumbling began. He took a few steps back.

Bill stalked into the bathroom.

He slapped the red pen down on the counter.

And, avoiding eye contact, he muttered, "Fine-tip yellow highlighter would be better. If you've got it."

"Oh," Soos said. "Sure, I... I think I have some skinny highlighters in my office. Just... lemme finish brushing my teeth."

####

Bill leaned in the office doorway, arms crossed tight, waiting. As Soos rummaged through his desk supplies, back to the door, he got the uneasy feeling that maybe Bill had lured him here to stab him in the back or something. He seemed mad enough. And the office was narrow; if Bill came up right behind him, there'd be nowhere for Soos to dodge...

When he found a new highlighter and turned around, Bill was glowering inches behind him.

Soos jumped. "Dude! You freaked me out."

Bill didn't condescend to respond. He just snatched the highlighter out of Soos's hand and stormed from the room. A moment later, Soos could hear him stomping up the stairs (and stumbling on one step. Soos really needed to figure out how to make the stairs more safe). 

For the life of him, Soos didn't know how he'd offended Bill.

####

The contraband supplies Bill had hidden behind a loose board in the wall still appeared to be undisturbed. He could only hope Soos hadn't found them during his snooping. For tonight, he could hide Journal 4 there; tomorrow he'd have to find a new, more secure hiding spot that kept it close enough to where Bill slept.

He turned around the hanging zodiac blanket and curtain so Bill's watchful triangular face was guarding the new attic hallway rather than staring into the room.

He surveyed his atrocious new sofa. If he'd known he would be plagued with this thing in the future, he would have found a way to make Ford get rid of it thirty years ago. Would Ford have thrown it out if his blessed Muse had told him it looked hideous? Maybe, but that would've put a ding in Bill's benevolent image. He could've said the sofa would lead Ford to doom? No, too implausible. Ford had always wanted a nice set of leather furniture; maybe if Bill had claimed the cost of leather furniture was about to skyrocket, and if Ford ever wanted to build his dream sophisticated gentleman's den then he should buy as soon as possible—maybe sell his current sofa to recoup costs and free up space... Yeah, Ford would've eaten that up, he'd have been so grateful Bill was thoughtful enough to care about his silly little life dreams and look out for his financial future. He shoulda done that. Hindsight.

So. What did he have here? A daybed; personal fridge; mini-stove; walls (tarp); two pillows; throw blanket; two markers; a lamp (unplugged); a clock radio (unplugged); a low console table with two shelves, onto which Soos had emptied the contents of Bill's cardboard box of clothes; and an implicit promise to keep a pile of secrets.

How humiliating.

He considered sleeping on the bare floor in protest; but, his back still hurt. Once again, subject to the tyranny of an organic body. He sighed, pulled his bedsheet from the console table, and curled up on the sofa.

The moment he lay down, a scent soaked into the seat cushion made his heart leap into his throat. He was sure he could smell home. Familiar and comforting and right—and for a moment the evidence of his other six senses didn't matter: he had his power back, he was in his kingdom, and all was right with the world. It took a moment to figure out what about the scent had so strongly disoriented him: he was smelling the atmosphere of the Nightmare Realm.

And then took another moment to work out that it wasn't really the Nightmare Realm, but a very similar scent—sulfurous, organic, burning. Burnt hair.

The cushion still smelled like Ford.

Bill groaned in frustration, rolled off the sofa, and flopped to the floor.

After permitting himself a moment of rage at the injustices of the multiverse, Bill crawled up onto the chaise lounge on the left end of the sofa, avoiding the part of the sofa where Ford used to sleep.

The chaise was smaller than his floor cushion bed used to be; but he'd make do.

####

(I know we're all busy going insane over the website but i'd love a comment when y'all read this chapter lol)

[leviiackrman]

Got an emergency dentist appointment. Got more antibiotics.

I have got yet another fuckin infection.

[steddiehyperfixation]

accidental eavesdropping (steddie ficlet)

based on this post by @imjust-that-shy. i hope i did this vision justice <3

The doors to the bathroom burst open, and - on some pure, inexplicable instinct and with nearly inhuman speed - Eddie darts back into the stall he'd just been about to come out of and leaps to perch on top of the toilet seat, crouched there like some sort of creature. 

He hears the sound of retching and the stench of vomit fills the air. He holds his breath, wrinkling his nose and trying to imagine what possible context could be behind Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley bursting in here together to puke their guts out. Eddie knows the two of them work together, he’s seen them sharing shifts at Scoops Ahoy when he's walked by. (Not that he often intentionally passes by the ice cream parlor and slows down just to catch a glimpse of Steve or anything… Although who could really blame him if he did? Like, come on, Steve in that uniform? Hello, sailor.) His mind is busy spinning stories of possible explanations, ranging from spoiled ice cream to sneaking alcohol and getting too drunk during their break. 

Eddie's leaning towards the 'drinking on the job' explanation, especially when the retching finally ceases and Robin says something about the room no longer spinning. Those little rebels, Eddie thinks approvingly.

“When’s the last time you, uh…peed your pants,” Steve is asking Robin now, in response to her telling him in a Russian accent to interrogate her. 

Eddie curls over his knees, tilting his head to try to peer through the gap between the stalls and the floor to put an image to his eavesdropping. Might as well, he’s kind of stuck here and there’s really not much else he can do right now. He can see Steve’s legs, one bent and the other stretched out in front of him, and Robin in the stall past him laying on the floor with her legs up against the stall wall as she answers, “Today…” 

“What?” Steve questions.

“When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw!” Robin says. 

Okay…what? Russian doctors and bone saws? Eddie’s now thoroughly intrigued, if a little (okay, a lot) confused. Maybe they’re talking about a movie they watched or something.

Steve’s legs shake with his laughter. “Oh my god.” 

“It was just a little bit, though.” Robin pinches her fingers together as she twists her body in Steve’s direction while he laughs again and mutters that whatever it is they took is still in her system. She pushes her feet off the stall and slides to sit against the opposite wall. Eddie can only see her legs now. “Okay, my turn. Have you…ever been in love?” 

Steve answers that he has, with Nancy, and makes a sound mimicking an explosion. Eddie remembers that, remembers seeing Steve and Nancy being all touchy and cute in the hallways at school while he was trying his damndest to convince himself that he absolutely definitely did not wish he was in Nancy’s place. It didn’t work very well. And it’s not working very well now either as Steve starts to go on about some new girl he likes now instead - some girl who’s funny and smart and can crack secret Russian codes (okay, seriously, what is it with these two and Russians?) and oh shit, he’s talking about Robin. 

Eddie very suddenly feels like he should not be here listening to this, eavesdropping on Steve confessing his feelings for someone. Not only is that, like, a private and personal thing, but also what if Robin likes him back and they start kissing or something right here in this bathroom where Eddie has to sit here and listen to it and that would just be horrible for him for so many reasons and- Eddie’s getting ahead of himself. Robin hasn’t even said anything yet, and her knees are pulled up to her chest and her voice shakes when she confirms she’s still alive after Steve asks if she’s OD’d there in the silence and she uncurls with a deep sigh. All signs that she doesn’t actually like Steve back. 

Eddie watches as Steve shifts and slides under the stall into Robin’s, and catches sight of the nasty bruise marring nearly half of Steve’s otherwise beautiful face as he does so. Now concern has been added to the list of emotions this eavesdropping experience has rollercoastered him through so far. The bruise looks fairly fresh and Eddie can’t help but wonder what the hell gave Steve a black eye like that and if he’s okay. 

After a brief spiral of concern for Steve’s face, Eddie tunes back into reality to find himself staring at Steve’s ass as Steve now sits with his back against the stall wall opposite Robin. Eddie blinks, expands his tunnel vision to include Steve’s lower back and Robin’s legs which are also visible beneath the gap in the stalls. 

“It’s not because I had a crush on you,” Robin is saying. “It’s because…she wouldn’t stop staring at you.”

“Mrs. Click?” Steve sounds confused.

“Tammy Thompson,” Robin clarifies. “I wanted her to look at me.”

Oh. Eddie should really not be listening to this. Robin is trying to come out to Steve, trying to share something deeply personal and vulnerable with him and only him, not knowing that she’s outing herself to an eavesdropping near-stranger as well. Eddie feels violating and intruding. He can’t imagine how he would feel if he found out someone he barely knew had been secretly listening in on him coming out - probably not great, probably terrified. This is something he shouldn’t know, not like this. 

“But Tammy Thompson’s a girl,” Steve says, his tone unreadable, and Eddie’s heart nearly stops, sure his own anticipatory anxiety is likely only just a fraction of what Robin must be feeling right now. 

“Steve…” 

“Yeah?” A pause. “Oh,” Steve’s voice goes soft. “Oh… Holy shit.” 

“Yeah,” Robin sighs. Eddie can see her hands nervously rubbing at her shins. “Holy shit.” 

Steve is silent for a few painfully long moments. Eddie’s hands curl nervously around his own shins. Is Steve going to be homophobic? Should Eddie be worried for Robin now? 

“Steve, did you OD over there?” Robin asks, trying to be light but Eddie can hear the anxiety in her voice. 

“No, I just, uh- just thinking,” Steve responds. 

“Okay…” Robin’s voice is barely audible. Eddie is holding his breath.

“I mean, yeah,” Steve says finally, “Tammy Thompson’s cute and all, but the only reason I never gave her the time of day was because I was too busy staring at Eddie Munson.” 

The aforementioned Eddie Munson releases the breath he’d been holding with an involuntary squeak and claps a hand over his mouth. Thankfully, neither of them heard him over the sound of Robin shouting. “What?! Eddie Munson?! You liked Eddie Munson?” she squawks, voicing Eddie’s own stunned thoughts perfectly.

“Yeah,” Steve confirms casually, completely unaware that he's throwing an eavesdropping Eddie into an absolute crisis right now. There's a soft thudding sound like Steve's hitting the back of his head against the stall wall. His voice gets kind of wistful, almost dreamy, as he says, “His rings, man. Rings and tattoos…and that long hair and those chains he'd wear… Honestly just his whole punk aesthetic thing had me mesmerized.” 

“Pretty sure he's metal, not punk,” Robin corrects him. 

Thanks, Robin. Also, what the fuck is happening right now? 

“Whatever. Still hot as hell,” Steve says. 

Eddie squeaks again and practically shoves his whole fist in his mouth to keep himself from making any more noise, his teeth knocking against his rings. The rings Steve likes, apparently. He feels like he's going to pass out, his heart beating so erratically it's making him lightheaded. King Steve - the popular, preppy, stupid, gorgeous, dumb jock Eddie's been crushing on since forever - just called him hot????  

“Did you hear that?” Robin asks suddenly, voice low and cautious. 

Shit. 

“Is anyone else in here?” Steve calls out. 

Fuck. 

Eddie bites down hard on his knuckles and holds his breath, going impossibly still. If they get up and search the bathroom, then he’s about to be caught red handed, crouched on top of a toilet seat with his fist in his mouth and his face flushed scarlet, eavesdropping on their private conversation about secret Russians and gay crushes. Eddie contemplates falling into the toilet and attempting to flush himself down it. Every god imaginable is receiving a silent prayer from him right now as he watches apprehensively through the gaps in the stall. One of those gods must've heard and taken pity on this poor gay disaster of a man crouched like a goblin in a bathroom stall, because after a few horrible seconds of silence, all Steve does is lean down to peer beneath the stalls for a moment before sitting back up and saying, “Looks empty. I think the drugs are making us hear things.” 

“Yeah, probably,” Robin says. Then she giggles, knocking her leg against Steve’s. “I still can’t believe you were into Eddie.” 

Steve flicks Robin’s knee. “I can’t believe you were into Tammy.”

“What’s wrong with Tammy?!” Robin protests.

“What’s wrong with Eddie?” Steve counters. “At least he’s actually got talent. Tammy’s a total dud - she wants to be a singer and shit but she can’t even hold a tune.” 

Eddie is going to die. He is actually going to die right here, right now, because Steve Harrington thinks he’s hot and talented. And then Steve starts mimicking Tammy, singing Total Eclipse of the Heart in a ridiculously goofy voice, and now Eddie is going to die because he finds that so stupidly endearing and adorable. Maybe he should just flush himself down the toilet, save himself from this hopelessly pathetic crush of his. Instead, he’s saved by the bathroom doors bursting open again and a new voice shouting at them, “Okay. What the hell?!” 

Steve and Robin collapse into a fit of giggles before being dragged to their feet by the newcomers and led out of the bathroom, leaving Eddie alone and reeling and struggling to process literally everything he’s just overheard. He finally hops down from his toilet perch and exits the stall like he’s in a daze. He’s not sure how long he had been camped out in there - probably only about ten minutes - but it felt like hours, so long that the world outside of that single bathroom stall almost feels foreign and unfamiliar now. 

Eddie grips the bathroom sink and stares at his flustered reflection in the mirror and whispers to himself, “What the actual fuck?” 

---

Later, years later, only after he and Steve are already dating, Eddie tells him all about this experience, and Steve laughs so hard he nearly cries.

(ao3 link)

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Finally Getting Help (pt 13)

Masterpost

Danny was holding Jason’s hand so tight he felt like his fingers were creaking but Jason wasn’t about to say anything. They were waiting in the doctor's office for Danny’s first ultrasound and Jason was accompanying him as promised, if Danny needed to squeeze his hand that was what Danny needed to do then so be it, it was better the bolting, which it looked like he was considering. Leslie didn’t usually make people wait long but when she had an emergency she had an emergency, it didn’t matter that Bruce funded her clinic, and was sitting awkwardly in one corner, they could wait.

It had been decided that as Danny’s guardian and maybe boyfriend? Bruce and Jason would be the ones to go in with him, with Danny’s agreement of course. Jazz and Dick had both wanted to come too but they didn’t want to crowd the room or overwhelm Danny so it was decided they would stay close by but not come In. Just then they were waiting together at a cafe across the road in case they were needed.

“Alright, I’m sorry to keep you both waiting but you know how Gotham is,” Leslie said a little grim-faced and still stripping off bloody gloves as she walked into their room and tossed them into the trash can. “So, Danny right,” Danny nodded. “Will you come with me into a private room for your examination?” She asked, because of course she did, the phrasing too was carefully worded to not put him on the spot so if Danny was feeling at all threatened or uncomfortable about Jason and Bruce being there he wouldn’t be blamed for following her. 

“You don’t have to,” She added quickly when Danny looked panicked and clung to Jason so tight Jason couldn’t help wincing. “We can move forward with the appointment if them being here makes you more comfortable?” 

Danny nodded quickly so she nodded as well and sat down at her desk, opening a file on her computer. “So, you’re here for an ultrasound right?” She glanced over and Danny nodded again, he seemed to be feeling really shy, Jason had never seen him so nervous, Bruce looked worried. “But it says here you haven’t had a check up in years so would you mind if we do a general exam first? I would like to make sure that You are healthy before we move on to the babies.”

“Yes that’s fine, but you know I’m not fully human right?” Danny asked, she paused for barely a moment. 

“I was told you had some differences,” she confirmed gingerly. “What should I expect?”

“Well, my heart rate is naturally slower than it used to be, and my body temperature is lower. Like I get to ‘healthy human’ temperatures when I have a bad fever. I don’t know what else has changed, honestly. I’ve been avoiding the doctor ever since my accident because I knew how my parents would react,” he said sounding tired and resigned.

“Well then we’ll take today as a paceline and monitor changes. If you’re feeling well today?” She suggested, she probably would have liked to get a baseline before Danny was pregnant but obviously that was impossible. 

“Ya that’s fine, my heartrate is probably a bit fast because I’m nervous but I’m probably healthier then I’ve been in a while. I haven’t been getting into fights and I’ve been eating regularly after all!”

“Alright. I understand but there’s no need to be nervous. This is a safe environment, I won’t do anything that’s not medically necessary.”

“I know, if Bruce and Jason didn’t speak so highly of you I wouldn’t be here. They don’t seem to see eye to eye on much so if they both trust and like you you must be good,” Danny said with a little smile though he was still tense and pale. That anxiety wasn’t going anywhere fast. In the corner Brace gave a sort of strangled cough that had Jason glaring at him even though he didn’t really know what it meant.

“Alright, then let’s get started,” She said before she started Danny’s check-up, all of the normal things a doctor would do if a bit more thorough. Checking eyes, mouth, ears, heart and lungs, and reflexes, circulation and blood pressure. His heartbeat was slow and his blood pressure was low but Danny thought that was probably normal for him? She gave an unconvinced hum. “We’ll have weekly check ups and check it again then. If it’s sustained and doesn’t affect you then we can say it’s normal for you.” She agreed. 

“Alright, well based on the information you’ve told me I think we’ve established a baseline and you’re healthy. Are you ready for your ultrasound?” She asked and Danny took a deep breath, Jason, still standing next to Danny, squeezed his hand gently.

“Ya, as ready as I’ll ever be,” Danny agreed. 

“Thank you, just lay back and pull up your shirt please,” Dr. Leslie requested and Danny did as she’d asked as she pulled up the little monitor and set things up. In the background Bruce shifted so he could see the screen better. “There won’t be much to see,” Leslie warned, shooting Bruce a look as she applied the ultrasound gel. “It’s still too early.”

She put on a fresh pair of gloves and grabbed the wand, “Alright, let's have a look.” She said, pressing it carefully against Danny’s stomach. 

Danny had let go of Jason’s hand while he lay down but now he grabbed around for Jason again, without looking away from the screen now showing inside his abdomen. Jason stepped closer and grabbed Danny’s hand, looking at his face rather than anything else, monitoring for signs the trepidation there might be getting to be too much. He knew Danny was nervous, but they didn’t want this to progress into a panic attack. 

“There they are. Oh! Two, twins. You’re further along than I expected, 10 weeks by the looks of it?” She asked glancing at Danny who nodded. 

“Ya, I’ve only been carrying them for 6 but they’re test tube babies,” he confirmed, his eyes fixed on the screen. 

“Ah,” She sounded, nodding her understanding. “The little round things below their hearts are odd. Do they have two hearts? No, those ones aren’t beating…”

“Those are their cores,” Danny murmured before it seemed to hit him and he looked at Jason, his eyes wide with panic. “Oh my god I AM actually pregnant, it’s not just the cores, I’m pregnant, oh my god I’m pregnant,” he was starting to hyperventilate. 

Dr. Leslie pulled back and Danny practically threw himself into Jason’s arm who held him tight as Danny hid against his chest and trembled. “Do you want us to call Jazz?” Jason offered softly as he held Danny and let him cry.

“No don’t go,” Danny hiccuped against Jason’s chest. 

“I’ll call Jazz,” Bruce added, of course. He would want to help, he did care, but he never had any actual idea how to help. The emotionally unavailable bastard. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Dr. Leslie asked gently. “I would like to have a better look at the twins to check on their development but if you need time I can come back later, or even another day.”

“Just-just give me a minute, please,” Danny sniffled as Jason rubbed his back.

“Of course. I know this is overwhelming,” Leslie said gently. 

Jazz barged into the room and immediately hugged Danny a well, sandwiched safely between her and Jason. “Scruff him, it’ll help,” she told Jason, who nodded and squeezed the back of Danny’s neck. 

He shuddered and then started to relax between the two of them, basically letting the two taller, and trusted, people hold him up. His sobs turned into sniffles and then a few deep breaths. “Okay, okay I think I’m ready. I want to know that they’re okay too. I know their cores are developing well but if they have human bodies, we need to make sure those are healthy too right?” 

“Right. Do you want me to stay, or do you want Bruce to come back in?” Jazz asked gently. 

“No, you and Jason stay please,” Danny said softly. He had thought it was right for Bruce to come in as his guardian, but it was Jazz who had really been looking after him for years. “There’s not much to see right now, just little blobs. We’ll tell him how it goes.”

Danny took another breath and then squirmed out of both of their arms and went to lay back on the table, pulling up his shirt again. Jason stood next to the examination table, taking Danny’s hand again, Jazz went and sat on the table by Danny’s head and stroked his hair while Dr. Leslie applied fresh jelly to his stomach since it had been worn off during his panic attack. Jason might have to change his shirt after this.

“Alright, let’s have another look shall we?” She said with a warm smile as she pressed the wand against his stomach again. She found the babies again fairly easily. “They seem to be sticking pretty close together,” She said with a little smile. “They’re active little things! It’s far too early to tell anything else about them but from what you’ve told me they seem to be on track and developing properly,” She said, pulling back and offering Danny a cloth to clean the gel off his stomach.

“Do you mind if we call Bruce back in? As your guardian I’d like him to be here for you treatment plan?” She asked.

“Sure, makes sense,” Danny agreed with a nod. 

She nodded back and looked at Jazz, who nodded as well and ducked out to get Bruce. “While we’re mostly alone I want to know, do you know all your options Danny? You know you don’t have to carry them. They’re just embryos right now, not even conscious. Your health and safety comes first,” Dr. Leslie told him gently. She knew Jason was firmly pro-choice.

“No, I know,” Danny said with a little smile and a nod, looking down at his stomach and gently caressing it. “I know I don’t Have to do this. But I do want them. I’m already attached to them, you know?” He said looking up at her, worried that she would judge him. He hoped he was making the right choice, that he wasn’t ruining his life at 16 or something. Fuck he could be on that trashy tv show! 

“I understand,” She assured, no hint of judgment on her face. Of course not, if she could treat rogues without judgment she sure as hell wasn’t going to judge a teen parent. She glanced up as the door opened again and Bruce and Jazz entered. “Right,” Leslie said, sitting down at her computer and starting to type. “You’re still a little malnourished so I’d like to get you taking prenatal vitamins immediately,” she said, glancing up to see Danny nod. “With your unique condition I’d like to see you more often than usual, weekly visits would be best for now. Once we’re sure you and the babies are okay we can go down to every other week.”

“I don’t think we need to do that,” Danny said, shifting nervously. “I mean you say the human side is looking good, and my ghost doctor says they’re developing well on that side, if slower than usual. I don’t need to come in every week,” He said looking hopeful. 

She hesitated for a moment, organizing her thoughts and considering his words. “Even so, there’s clearly some bleed over that makes it hard to tell how healthy you are. I would feel better if you came weekly, at least for the first month so we can establish a true baseline.” 

“Alright,” Danny said, drooping again, looking back at Bruce. “Can you make the appointment? I want to go home.”

“Sure Danny,” Bruce agreed, pulling out his planner to check their schedule. 

“I’ll take you back to the manor,” Jason assured, using his grip on Danny’s hand to help him up. 

“I’ll go back to the cafe with Dick, we were having a good conversation, I wouldn’t mind continuing it,” She said, giving Danny a smile. “Unless you want me to come?”

“No, that’s alright. Have fun Jazz,” Danny said, leaning against Jason and letting him usher Danny out of the clinic. Jazz waved as she crossed to the cafe where Dick was waiting, looking worried till he noticed them, then he smiled and waved. Jazz waved back and jogged across, about to tell Dick all about the twins no doubt. 

Jason led Danny to his bike, and got on first, pulling Danny onto the seat behind him. Danny wrapped his arms around Jason and pressed against his back, half hiding from the world. Jason didn’t try to talk to him, he needed time to process. He would talk when he was ready to.

Next

[darkbluekies]

GOLDEN TRIAL PT2: A slippery slope

Part 1

Yandere!mafia x yandere!female!mafia x female!yandere x yandere!king x yandere!doctor x male!detective!reader

Summary: after your adventure on Normandie, you've been dealing with the consequences of the horror. Unfortunately, you start to realize that you might not be the person you think you are. It doesn't help when a certain doctor finds you again.

Warnings: lingering head trauma, identity crisis, kidnapping, mocking, dog collar (lol), syringes/drugs, forced tattooing,

Word count: 9.3k

You get off the subway in silence and push your way through the crowd, walk up the stairs and out onto the sidewalk. Blinking, you try to fix your blurry vision. Sometimes, even though it’s been three months since you were hit on the head with a glass bottle, you’re reminded of the events on board the liner Normandie. You had been running around over two days before going to the hospital about the blow to your head. It seems to have been too late. What could have been brushed off with some bandage and disinfection had now given you minor problems you are dealing with daily. Not enough to hurt or bother, but enough for your agency to hesitate sending you out on missions. 

These last months have been weird, to say the least. Not only have you been forced to take a break from your job, you have been lonely. So very lonely. You haven’t done anything and the only time you’ve went outside the door is when you go to your doctor’s appointments and when buying food. After the ominous note you got, you have been careful about going outside, scared that you will meet them again. How long will your life be forced to be like this? Maybe you should leave New York and start over somewhere new, where you can live a normal life. No more detective work, no more hiding, no more … fear. Perhaps a farm on the west coast? 

You open the door to the private hospital. It’s located in a house no other than any of the other houses on the street. The first time you were here, you thought that you had been given the wrong address and waked into someone’s private house. Quietly you walk into the reception. The young woman behind the desk has always been friendly. Her sparkly blue eyes and chestnut hair remind you of a squirrel.  

“Good morning”, the receptionist smiles at you. “Name?”

“Y/N L/N”, you say. “I’m here for a revisit at eleven am.”

“Ah, yes, I remember you. Your doctor is currently on sick leave, so there will be another doctor taking care of you today. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Take a seat and the doctor will see you in a moment.”

“Okay, thank you.”

You sit down in one of the wooden chairs. The clock on the wall ticks like a doomsday clock. You can’t help but shiver. 

Your eyes wander in the small room. A mother with her young son, a father with his daughter, an old couple. And you, alone. There’s paintings on the walls, as if to distract one from the horror they might have to partake in when they step through one of the three doors on the right hand side of the room. 

You’re not sure why you’re here. You have been going to this doctor for three months and all he’s done is to confirm that you do, indeed, have head trauma. As if you couldn’t figure that part out for yourself. Sometimes you wonder if you still have shards of glass stuck in your head. 

“The doctor will see you now, Mister Y/N”, the receptionist suddenly says. “It’s the middle door.”

You stand up and walk over to the doors on the other side of the room, opening the middle one. Behind the desk, a man sits. He looks up at you and you can feel your heart stop, and so does the clock. For a second, you wonder if it’s one of the side effects from the glass bottle, but you can still hear your heart pound loudly in your chest. He’s trying to hide a smile, trying so hard to make it look like you’ve never met before. What do you do? Do you close the door behind you and get into his office or do you make a scene and get away? Your hand still holds onto the door handle behind you. 

“Close the door, if you don’t mind”, Doctor Kry says and raises his eyebrows testingly when you flinch back. “Don’t even think about it. Close the door.”

With a frustrated sigh, you close it, but remain by the wall. 

“I figure that you’re not going to sit down”, Doctor Kry says and rises from his chair. 

“Don’t come closer”, you say quickly. “I will make a scene.”

“I’m fine with that. Easier for me to get you into a lunatic asylum.”

You freeze. 

“Your usual doctor is on sick leave, so I’m here today”, Doctor Kry continues as if the prior conversation never happened. “I hope that is fine with you.”

“I am not comfortable with having you anywhere near me”, you spit. “How did you even know that I went here?”

Doctor Kry leans back against his desk with his hands in his pockets. “I can’t take the credit for that, unfortunately. It was my dear friend miss Carter who managed to find you.”

“Hedwig?”

“Yeah. Who knew that a young heiress with a phenomenally large contact net and money would be able to find someone like you. Unbelievable.”

You don’t give in to his joke. 

“Sit down, Y/N”, Doctor Kry says and pulls out the chair for you, “or I will get you dragged out of here in a straightjacket.”

Involuntarily you sit down in his chair. Doctor Kry walks around you and you follow him in the corner of your eye. 

“I read your report”, Doctor Kry says. “Trauma to the head? What happened?”

“You fucking know”, you spit.

“Oh, right.”

You want to slap that smirk off of his face. He continues to smile as he puts on his gloves. 

“Let’s get it under control”, Doctor Kry says and takes your head in his hands. 

You flinch, silently praying that he won’t twist your neck and break it. 

“Don’t touch my neck”, you say. 

“How else am I going to treat you?” Doctor Kry scoffs. 

You start to wonder if he’s messing with you when he’s just touching around. He’s too close to your neck, he could snap it. 

“Can you hurry up?” The words just slip out, before you have the time to shut your mouth. 

To your horror, he chuckles. You freeze in your seat. 

“Why did you go so stiff all of a sudden?” Doctor Kry asks smugly, grabbing your shoulders. “Are you scared that I’m going to hurt you, Golden Boy?”

The familiar pet name sends a wave of nausea through your body. You feel how every hair on your body stands on edge. Terrified to meet his blue eyes, you concentrate on a point on the wall where it looks like a small bug has landed. 

“You threatened me with a tranquilizer”, you breathe out. “You could have helped me with my head that night — you’re a doctor — but you didn’t. You could have prevented me from coming here.”

“I could have”, Doctor Kry says. “But why would I? Remember what I told you? I’ve never said that I was nice.”

You stand up, shaking off his hands. 

“We’re done here”, you decide and start to move towards the door. 

“Alright, I suppose so”, Doctor Kry says. 

You grab the door handle with your shaking hand and open it forcefully. 

“I guess that I will see you soon, Y/N”, you hear his voice say behind you. “Can’t let a patient go before they’re healed, now can I?”

You ignore him. Stumbling on trembling legs, you pass the patients in the waiting room, struggle past the receptionist and out of the house. You throw up in the nearest bush.

For a few moments, the world has gone silent again. You can hear your heart thumping in your ear, feel every nerve in your body beat alongside it and you have to sit down on a nearby bench to collect your spinning head. That eerie feeling you had on board the Normandie returns … as if you’re being watched. You look around in a dizzy, blurry haze. Everyone looked like each other. Anyone could be them. If Kry had found you, what says that the others aren’t around the corner?

Going home feels wrong. What if they follow you and see where you live? Where do you go? What do you do? 

Your numb legs take you to a nearby telephone booth. With shaking fingers you call your boss and tell him about the incident. 

“You told me that I’d be safe!” you shout. “I knew that it would end like this! I knew that this would happen!”

“Y/N-”

“If I die, it’s your fucking fault, okay? You sent me out on that ship alone and now I have to deal with the consequences of your choices!”

You throw the telephone back in its hold and scream in frustration. The sound doesn’t escape the little telephone booth, which is probably for the best. You don't want to go to that mental asylum Doctor Kry threatened with.

You stand still for a few seconds, breathing heavily. You feel like crying.

The coming days can't be described as anything less than torture. You look over your shoulder for every step you take, flinch at every sound. Just as paranoid as on board the ship. Those four days will haunt you for the rest of your life … and the ones who caused it will hunt you until you're in their claws.

To calm your nerves, you've had to drink strong whiskey. Nothing else seems to work. Should you leave the country? You shiver. The thought of stepping aboard another ship again makes your skin crawl. You take another sip of the whiskey. It doesn't burn anymore.

The world started to blend together in blurry waves ages ago. It's starting to shift into black. Finally you're going to fall asleep and not have to worry about anything in this world. You’ll be safe in dreamland. 

A small sound reaches your drowsy ears, but you’re too far off to react in time, almost as if you’re drugged. The door opens slowly and a dark figure enters. Everything is fuzzy. The person says something, but you can’t hear it. A cloudy wall separates you from you and whoever has broken into your apartment. A cloud which quickly turns everything black.

When you wake up again, you feel every muscle in your body pulsating, hurting and a nauseating feeling roars in your body. You’re lying on a couch in what looks like a warehouse … or a basement. 

“He’s awake!” a familiar voice gasps. 

Hedwig jumps up from a chair right by your head and waves for someone to come over. You hear the sound of people move closer. You try to pull yourself up on your elbows. 

“You son of a bitch, Y/N”, you hear Silas say, a clear smirk in his taunting voice. “You thought that you could get away. How naive!”

“I want to put it on”, Jerry says and takes something from Edmund’s hands.

“Fuck sake, Jerry!” he hisses and pulls his hand quickly away. “I've told you to trim those nails!”

Jerry doesn't bother to answer. She walks over to you and slips something around your neck. You're too dizzy to realize what it is before it is too late. A collar and a leash. Like a dog. Just like they had promised.

“What an obedient dog”, she snickers. “Letting me put it on without protests.”

She tugs on the leash, causing your head to rip forward. The air in your throat gets abruptly cut off. Their laughter feels your aching head.

“Golden boy deserves a treat”, Edmund smirks and holds a piece of chocolate to your lips.

You turn your head away.

“Don't touch me!” you cough.

“A little too late for that”, Doctor Kry says and shrugs. “How do you think we got you here?”

You try to get up from the couch. Nausea roars through your body. Jerry pulls the leash towards her. You stumble before falling down on your knees, catching yourself with your hands on the hard cement.

“Just face it”, she says cockily. “You're too hungover to overpower us, and once you're sober enough you will already be broken. Don't bother to try anything. Hm, maybe he should stay on his knees, or what do you all think?”

“Stop fucking around”, Edmund sighs in annoyance and grabs the leash out of her hands, pulling harshly. “Stand up.”

It's on shaking legs that you manage to get on your feet. You're the same height as the king, but feel unbelievably inferior. Is it the collar around your neck, the degrading look in his eyes or the fact that you know what they're capable of that makes you terrified? You can't meet their eyes.

“This is humiliating, can you stop?” you hear Hedwig asks.

She's standing on the far end of their little line, a few steps away from them, with her arms hugging herself. Disgust covers her face.

“I feel nauseous just watching it”, she mutters. 

“Don't worry, Hedwig, we're just playing with him”, Silas smiles and ruffles your hair with his hand. “We're not hurting him.”

“Hedwig shouldn't take him”, Edmund says. “I don't trust him.”

“What do you want?” you ask, trying your best not to sound like a pathetic little puppy.

“What did you do with the list of names?” Silas asks. “The one behind the painting.”

“And where is my fucking painting?” Edmund asks.

“The painting, I don't know”, you say and meet Silas black eyes. “Your list was hidden on board the ship, but my contacts have found it. They're on the way to arrest everyone on your list.”

“Oh, are they now?” he asks deadly calmly. “And I suppose that you are still their shining Golden Boy thanks to that?”

You lower your eyes.

“Or did someone get put on an indefinite hiatus because they're a security risk?” Silas continues, moving closer, tugging ever so carefully on the leash. “Are you sure that you're their favorite? You never seem to have much protection, despite the threat against you. Don't worry, Golden Boy, we will make sure nothing ever reaches you. We will make sure you stay hidden.”

“If they don't want to give us our note, we won't give them their darling dearest”, Jerry says, shrugging.

You feel a lump in your stomach. Your contacts will never give over the note … and in that case they'll never give you. Wonderful.

A tug on the leash brings you back to reality. 

“It's healing quite nicely, don't you think?” Jerry asks, tilting her head to get a better view of the back of your neck.

“It's still fresh, it's nowhere near healing”, Doctor Kry says with his monotone voice, arms crossed over his chest.

Their eyes turn to your neck and you gulp, realizing that part of the pain isn't coming from your head, but from the back of your neck, easily mistaken as the brainstem. You lift your hand and try to touch whatever is hurting you. Hedwig picks up a pocket mirror from her pocket and hand it to you. You’re in disbelief when you see black marks on your skin, drawn in a strange symbol you have never seen before. The skin is swollen and tender to the touch. 

“What is this?” you question in pure fear. 

“We told you that you would be tattooed, didn’t we?” Silas smiles. “That tattoo is the symbol of my group. It’s somewhat of a trademark. Everyone who sees you will know that you belong to me.”

“I hate that you are the only one getting associated”, Edmund mutters. 

“Well, I am the only one with a symbol, aren’t I?”

“You are so self centered.” Edmund puts his hand on Hedwig’s shoulder. “As if we haven’t got one?”

“‘Self centered’, you absolute hypocrite”, Jerry scoffs. 

“I did not consent to this!” you shout angrily. “How could you just tattoo me when I wasn’t even conscious?!”

“It was pretty easy since you were, as you said, ‘not even conscious’”, Silas smiles teasingly. 

“Enough of this foolishness”, Doctor Kry cuts in. “We have things to do. The train leaves tomorrow morning and we still have things to do.”

Train? 

“Give the poor boy some food and make sure he sleeps”, Silas says. “It’ll be a long day for him tomorrow.”

They start to move towards the stairs of the basement, all but Hedwig who have went upstairs to get you a plate and Edmund — the man who’s holding the leash. 

“You don’t have to be here”, she says. “I can take care of him myself.”

“I don’t trust him”, Edmund mutters angrily and wraps more of the leash around his hand. “He knocked Jerry over when she was guarding him and — fuck it — she is tougher than you. I am not letting him anywhere near you alone.”

“Can you at least let go of the leash?” Hedwig asks. 

Edmund lets it go with great dramatic effect. You sit down on the couch with a thumping heartbeat. Hedwig sits down beside you, turning towards you. Edmund stands behind her, towering over the young woman like a giant, glaring at you. It reminds you of a lioness behind their cub. 

“Are you hungry?” Hedwig asks and looks down at the plate. “I’ve watched my maid cook ever since I was a little child but I don’t have much experience with it myself so I apologize if it isn’t the best.”

“I’m nauseous.”

“Then some sleep will do you good.”

“What train did he talk about? I’m not going on some train!”

“You are”, Edmund says, “and you’re doing it tomorrow morning. In a box.”

You look at him, baffled. “What?”

He looks at you with mockery in his icy blue eyes. “Nobody told you? You’re getting a first class ticket. I heard that they make those wooden boxes are quite comfortable nowadays.”

“I’m not going in some fucking box!”

You stand up in a swift, aggressive motion. Not only will they bring you onto a train going to who-knows-where, but they’re also stuffing you in a trunk? No shame. 

“Where are you taking me?”

“My father has a house on the coast, by the beach”, Hedwig replies. “You’ll like it. Hey, If you’re not going to eat, then will you please go to sleep?” 

“I will not be able to sleep. If I have to drink myself to black out, do you really think I will be able to fall asleep here?”

Maybe you shouldn’t have said that. You don’t want to see a sympathetic look from her. It’s their fault, after all. They took everything from you … and now she’s looking at you as if she’s pitying you. 

You refuse to sleep, refuse to even sit on the couch. It doesn't take long before the door to the basement stairs open and the sound of footsteps fill the air. You look up, seeing Doctor Kry walk down. In his hand, he holds a transparent syringe.

“I suppose that you are familiar with this”, he says and looks at the needle. “I thought that it was finally time for you to get acquainted with it.”

“Don't come close”, you warn him.

He's quicker than you've anticipated. Before you know it, you're tackled onto the hard floor. It knocks the air out of your lungs. Doctor Kry is stronger than you could have imagined. He doesn't look muscular underneath his clothes, and he probably isn't as muscular as Silas, but he is strong with firm grips. You try your best to fight against the needle coming closer to your neck.

“Goodnight, Golden Boy”, Doctor Kry says and finally punctures your neck with the sharp end of the needle.

He gets off of you immediately and you try to get up and run. You manage to get a few steps forward before your legs give up and you fall down on your knees. You start to lose your hearing, and your sight start to darken. Doctor Kry grabs your shoulders and pull you over to the couch. The last thing you see before it all turns back is his blue eyes staring down at you.

You’re not sure if you have opened your eyes. You try to shut them tight, then open them again. It’s just as dark. Your knees are pressed to your chin, arms folded over your chest. Panic rises in your body, suddenly feeling every single cell of your body and what it touches. Painfully aware that you’re squashed together in a wooden box. 

“Let me out!” you shout and try to bang on the walls, floor and ceiling. 

A harsh slap on the side of the box makes you flinch. 

“Shut the fuck up”, Silas voice hisses through gritted teeth, shocking you for being too close. “Do not make a single sound, whatever you do.”

You breathe heavily and crawl together. For these past months, you’ve felt scared … but never like this. The only thing you can compare it to is that morning when you ran around the Normandie with the painting tucked under your arm. Your heart has never beaten that quickly before. And here you are now, in a wooden box with a dog collar around your throat and a tattoo in the back of your neck. The leash is gone.

They won’t kill you before they have gotten the list, right?

You hear men's voices and suddenly the box jerks. Your head slams against the side and you groan, quickly biting your lip to avoid making sound. Silas will probably punch you if you disobey his command. You form fists. 

Whoever is handling the box does not care for it. It seems to go back and forth, up and down, with you hitting your head with every jerking motion. 

Finally, finally, it stops. The moving, the sound, everything stops. You breathe out, listening. Where are you? Can you get out of the box? You try to push the top of the box, but it won’t budge. Neither will the walls. With a frustrated yell, you kick and then, in defeat, sink down again. 

Silence keeps you company for what feels like ages. Suddenly, the ground under you start to shake and move. You gasp. The train!

It takes a while before the top of the box is moved. Bright light hits your eyes and you squint. 

“Good morning”, Silas smiles and pulls you up from the box. 

Your muscles are stiff and aching, popping when you try to move. Your legs threaten to give out. 

“Ouch …”, you moan. 

“Did you have a nice time?” Jerry smiles and claps your back. 

You look around, blurry eyes being met by a cargo hold. Silas and Jerry are the only ones here. 

“What are you doing?” you ask, stressed. 

“What do you mean?” Jerry wonders.

“What do you want? Why am I out?”

“Did you think that you were going to spend the entire trip in the box?” Silas asks. 

“Edmund said-”

“And you believe a single word that stuck up manchild says?” Jerry scoffs and grabs your arm. “Come now.”

They take you out of the cargo hold and into a thin corridor. Running along your left are cabins and to your right are windows. Silas opens a door and directs you inside the cabin. It’s a suite, and a gorgeous one a that. A king sized bed, couches, big windows, drapes and your own bathroom. Hedwig and Edmund sits on the couch doctor Kry is leaning against the window. Behind him, America swooshes past. 

“Here he is”, Jerry says.

“What’s going on?” you stutter. “What do you want?”

“We are not going to let you be alone in cargo hold”, Silas says. “We are not monsters.”

I have other opinions.

“We’ve decided that you are going to be by our sides so that we can keep an eye on you”, Hedwig says and smiles. “If you are in the cargo hold you could die.”

“You’re not going to wear the leash because that will cause people to be suspicious”, Doctor Kry says. “Yes, we are not the only ones on this train.”

“You will not talk to any of them”, Jerry says. 

“You will stay here in my cabin”, Silas says. “My second in command will be in Jerry’s cabin, so don’t think that you can do anything towards me. He’ll be just on the other side of the wall.”

Why does he have to be here too? 

Everyone leaves the suite but Silas. You sink down on the bed with your head in your hands. 

“Why do you do this?” you groan.

Silas sits down beside you. “You did this to yourself”, he says, voice weirdly calm. “You put your nose into the wrong business, knowing that it could put your life in danger.”

“It was my job.”

Was. 

“I still don’t understand why they sent you on that ship without backup … or any kind of protection at all besides that pitiful gun. Almost like they wanted you to get caught.” Silas furrows his dark brows and looks at you, unreadable hint in his black eyes. “Are you even sure if they liked you at all?”

This has to be some kind of scare-tactic. Don’t fall for it.

“Of course they did”, you mumble. “I had a high position, a good salary … they liked me. They did.”

“Are you saying that to reassure me or you?”

Silas stands up and breathes out. 

“Let’s go eat lunch, I’m starving”, he says. “You must be hungry too, I heard from Hedwig that you didn’t eat dinner last night. Come now.”

Silas walks out of the room, holding the door open out to the corridor. His words ring in your mind. Who are you trying to reassure?

“I’m not waiting all day”, Silas calls out. “You’re not getting lunch if you stay in there.”

You hurry to stand up and follow him out to the corridor, having to pass him on the way. The thin corridor is big enough for one of you. He walks closely behind you, peering over your shoulder. You’re led into a restaurant car with tables of four, each having seats instead of tables. The carriage is divided in two with a with a glass wall with open space where a door normally sits. Silas chooses one of these seats. 

“Sit down”, he says. “Now. By the window.”

You give him a questionable look before sitting down in the seat closest to the window. Silas sits down beside you, blocking your escape to the middle aisle. His second in command is already sitting by the table in the seat in front of you. Silas holds three menus laying on the set table in front of you, giving you one. 

“Choose what you want”, he says. “I have money.”

“I don’t doubt that”, you mumble. “With your dirty businesses you must make a lot of money?”

Silas scoffs, but there’s a small smile tugging on his lips. “More than you can imagine, Golden Boy.”

You start to look through the menu for things you like. You are, indeed, starving and head for a grilled salmon while Silas chooses a medium rare steak. When a servant is taking your orders, you look out the big window at the blurry obstacles whooshing by. Where are they taking you? You’re not leaving much, but you can’t bring yourself to start over. New York is not for you, not anymore, but you don’t want them to force you to leave your home. What will they do to you? You can’t give them the painting, you don’t know where it is anymore, and you don’t have the list of criminal names. You’re not sure that you will be able to be switched with it. You don’t have anything to offer them, but yourself … but why would they want you? 

“Pretty quiet today, huh?” Silas says. “You usually quite quick-witted.”

You pull your eyes away from the window and look at him. It’s almost comical, how a secret agent is having lunch with a mafia leader and his second in command. You have done it before, but under much different circumstances. 

“I don't have much to say”, you answer shortly. 

Everything in your body is hurting, which isn’t weird since you’ve spent the night crammed into a wooden box. Your broken head is not a help.

Silas converses with his second in command — a man you haven’t heard talk more than necessary. 

The food is served by a servant in a spotless tuxedo and slicked back hair. You thank him. It'd be so easy to let the words slip out of your mouth. A simple ‘help me’. The words are soft and rounded, it wouldn't be hard to pronounce them, but the fact that Silas and his second in command are sitting right here makes it impossible. The words are so simple. But as soon as he arrives, he disappears. 

“I've heard that the food on board is tasty, it better be”, Silas jokes and his second in command chuckles quietly.

He has gotten beef with grilled asparagus. You pick up your knife and fork and start to eat in silence. Silas is right, it’s delicious. Better than any of the food you have aten these last few months. It makes you guilty for enjoying it. 

“I have some rules, Golden Boy”, Silas says from beside you. 

You look at him. You are not a Golden Boy. He said that himself. Silas meets your eyes. 

“If you disobey us”, Silas starts, “by either trying to talk to someone, or come up with some stupid idea to get off the train, I will handcuff you to me, got that?”

Imagining being handcuffed to him, forced to join his every step, not have a single second to yourself is enough to make you shiver. 

“Yeah”, you reply shortly. “I understand.”

You let your eyes wander through the restaurant car, at the other passengers sitting and enjoying their meals. An older man is reading the newspaper while enjoying a bowl of soup, a mother and daughter pair are eating cheeses while chatting. How many on this train belong to Silas? He wouldn’t travel with only one man.

“I’m thinking about getting another car”, Silas smiles at his second in command and shoots a fork full of steak to his lips. “Any tips of a model?”

“One of those Ford models”, he replies. “It was good enough for Bonnie and Clyde.”

The news of the infamous couple’s death broke out in May last year. Some colleagues had been working on that case, from what you remember. For years. 

“I’m not Bonnie and Clyde”, Silas says and smiles. “But I’m a bit jealous of them. Imagine having a partner in crime like that. I mean, more than just a brother in arms, a love partner. Or what do you say, Golden Boy?”

You look up from your plate. Your vision has started to blur again. 

“Don’t you want a love partner, hm?” Silas asks, a teasing smile playing on his lips. “Someone to back you up when needed?”

“I don’t want to answer personal questions.”

He exchanges a look with his second in command before smiling into his plate. “You’re shy, I see. Didn’t know that you were so cute.”

You ignore him. 

When lunch is done, Silas decides that it’s time for you to get back to the cabin. You get up, from your seat and scootch out into the middle aisle. You’re not sure if it is the moving of the carriage or your balance that causes you to stumble. Silas catches you by the arm. 

“That wine you had with lunch didn’t make you drunk, did it?” he asks. 

“No”, you reply and gulp. “It’s my head.”

“I see.”

You’re sure that it isn’t meant for you, but you can see how Silas gives his second in command a murderous look. Doctor Kry had told you that it had been Jerry and Silas’s second in command who had hit you with that glass bottle that night. 

“You should go rest, Y/N”, he says and places his hand on your back to guide you. 

He leads you back to your suite. The second in command closes the door behind him. You sit down on the couch, but Silas pulls you up again. 

“What do you think that you are doing?” he asks. “The bed is over there.”

“I’m not sharing a bed with you”, you mumble. 

“You are. Stop being childish and go to sleep.”

You’re pushed towards the bed. He’s quickly after you to pull the neatly fixed covers before you can change your mind. The mattress is softer than anything you’ve ever rested your back upon. 

“Sleep”, Silas orders. “I will get you for dinner.”

He asks his second in command to keep an eye on you. 

The gentle rocking of the train both soothes you to sleep and wakes you softly. You sit up and yawn. The second in command moves his eyes from the window. You can’t help but wonder if he ever does anything for pleasure or if he can turn off his emotions and needs whenever he wants. 

You reach for a glass of water on the bedside table and halt. After everything they’ve done, you wouldn’t be surprised if the water is contaminated. 

“It’s not dinner time”, the man says. “Back to sleep.”

“I’m not tired anymore.”

“Lay down.”

You sigh and lay down again, listen to the gentle rocking of the train against the rail. Last time you spent a night in a cabin with them was when you were tied on the floor. You should never have taken that mission. Your mind involuntarily drift to what Silas had said and feel how your heart squeezes in pain. It can’t be.

Suddenly, the door opens. 

“Time for dinner”, Silas says. “Get up, you need to eat.”

You groan and pull yourself up from the bed. The second in command follows closely to the restaurant cart. One table can only fit four passengers. They have to separate three and three, and then you’ll have to choose whichever combination is the least bad.

Hedwig, Edmund and Doctor Kry … or Silas, Jerry and the second in command. You sit down besides Hedwig. Edmund is quick to have her change seats with you, so that you’re by the window and she’s blocking the exit out to the middle aisle. The girl smiles at you and takes your hand. 

“You look much better without that inhumane leash”, she says. 

“I think he looks better with it”, Edmund mutters and inspect his silver knife. 

She ignores him. “What do you want to eat, sweetheart?”

You shrug, telling her that she can choose for you. You don’t say anything throughout dinner, even though Hedwig tries her best to spark a conversation with you. She talks about the scenery swooshing past outside the window, the beautiful interior, how much she has missed you and how happy she is to have you back. You drown it all out to the point of wondering if her voice is all just a hallucination.

You’re barely active during dinner, only being able to think about your — former — job. Heart feeling unbelievably heavy.

“I have to leave”, you whisper to Hedwig. “I have to be alone.”

“Are you okay?” Hedwig asks worriedly and watches how you stand up. 

“I need to go.”

“I’ll come with you.”

She excuses the both of you from the table. You can feel the others eyes linger on you, burn right through you. You’re sure that Edmund wants to say something, but he keeps his mouth shut for once. Hedwig takes your arm and leads you back to the cabin carriage. 

“I don’t understand why they’re so afraid of me being alone with you”, Hedwig giggles and opens the door to Silas’s suite. “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

At this point you’re not sure what you would and wouldn’t do. 

“Do you want to sleep?” Hedwig asks and walks over to the bed. “I can tuck you in.”

You lay down in bed and Hedwig makes sure that none of your body parts escapes the covers. She looks pleased with herself and lets her hand caress your cheek. Her hazel eyes look down at you with immense love and for the moment that is the only thing you can believe. That kind of look can’t be mistaken. 

“Are you tired?” she asks softly, continuing to caress your cheek. 

You nod, despite not feeling the slightest bit tired. Exhausted, but not tired. 

“I will let you sleep”, she says and kisses your forehead. 

You close your eyes, hoping that she will think that you’re asleep and leave the room. You need to be alone, but Hedwig is making it impossible. As long as she knows that you’re awake, she will cling onto you like a leech. She’s like a dog, a puppy. 

But she doesn’t leave. You can feel her sit on the side of the bed, and without opening your eyes, you know that she is staring at you with that same look of extreme love. As if you are the most important thing in the world. Her sun, her solar system. 

Eventually, she leaves. You wait a few seconds before opening your eyes and letting out a sigh. Lying down makes it hard to breathe. You try sitting up, but the pressure over your chest remains. You pull at your tie to open your airways, but neither that or buttoning up the first buttons on your shirt help. Your fingers claw at the window lock, but it remains in place. God, how badly you need air. You hurry over to the door and open it, exiting out to the corridor. They can get you, you don’t care. You need air and you need it now. 

You walk through the claustrophobic corridor in the opposite direction of the dining hall. You reach a door with a window. The rails run away from the train, towards the horizon. You rip the door open and find yourself on a balcony. Fresh air roams around you and you grab onto the oval railing, breathing in deeply until your lungs can’t take anymore, welcoming the pleasurable feeling of light headiness. You sink down on the floor with your back towards the train’s wall, watching the surroundings disappear further away. The sun is setting in the horizon, like in a painting. 

The thoughts return. Was everything a lie? Were you nothing more than a pawn? Why were you put on that mission? Did they know that you would be taken? Broken? Damaged? They didn’t bother give you any security or backup, and when you weren’t killed or taken, they use the trauma they caused to put you on hiatus and made you look at fault. You have worked for them since you left school, given them your everything. Did they want to get rid of you? Were you worth nothing more? Did they ever care about you?

Suddenly you’re aware of the tears running down your cheeks.

“There you are”, a voice sighs. 

You flinch and look over your shoulder. Jerry is standing in the doorframe, holding her hands on either side.  Out of all the people who could find you, why did it have to be just Jerry?

“Everyone is looking for you”, Jerry says. 

“Didn’t mean to”, you mumble. 

“You better have a good explanation.” 

She sits down on the other side of the door, in arms reach of you. The door closes behind her, leaving the two of you on the balcony platform. It’s first now that she seems to notice that you’re crying. 

“Oh, what’s wrong?” she asks in a sarcastic tone, clearly mocking you. “Feeling homesick?”

“No”, you sigh and look down at your hands. “Just leave me alone.”

“Can’t do, princess. You are not allowed to be alone, you know that very well. But sure, I can leave. I can tell the other that you have attempted to escape.”

Your hand shoots forward to stop her from leaving. “No, don’t say that!”

“Then tell me. Hurry up, princess, I don’t got all night!”

You sigh and rest your head back against the wall. She’s doing it on purpose, you think, riling you up to the breaking point so that she has something to punish you for. 

“Jerry, stop”, you plead and hold your head in your hands. “I’m asking you nicely. Don’t do that.”

“In what position do you think you are to speak to me like that? Do I need to go get the leash to remind you who you are? Hm? Is that what you want, Golden Boy?”

The name breaks something in you. You feel so stupid. Like an absolute fool!

“Don’t call me that!” you shout. “I never was a fucking ‘Golden Boy’! They just used me! And I just let them do it! Like the idiot I am!”

Your head pounds worse than ever. You’re afraid that it is going to rip out of your skull. You can feel how Jerry moves closer. 

“They never fucking cared about me”, you hiss. “No one does!”

“Now, who told you that?” Jerry sighs.

“It’s obvious! Just look at how they’re treating me! They wanted to get rid of me, that’s why they sent me on that ship, wasn’t it …?”

Jerry sighs heavily and runs her hand through her black hair. “Well, fuck … I don’t know what the fuck to say.”

“Be quiet, then.”

You don’t want to hear her ‘I told you so’ mantra. You’ve understood how much of an idiot you are, you don’t need her to remind you. She removes your hands and forces you to look at her. 

“It does not fucking matter what they thought of you, okay?” she says. “I get that they tricked you but you’re never going back there, so drop them. They’re not worthy of your attention. Just look at what a mess you become when you think of them! And I don’t want to hear that shit again, about no one caring about you. We have looked for you day and night since that last night on the ship!”

“That’s different. You know that. You won’t get the list or the painting. If they wanted me gone, they won’t trade me for it. I’m useless to you.”

She sighs frustratedly and runs her hand through her black hair again. 

“Fuck, I am not made for this”, she mutters and looks around for help, but the only thing nearby are the passing landscape. “Listen, Y/N, we could have done things a whole lot differently. We didn’t actually need you, alright? Not for business. Hell, we don’t even want the same things! Me and Silas are the only ones wanting the list. Edmund wants his painting. I don’t even know what the doctor and Hedwig want, but do you know the only reason why the five of us stay together? Because of you, dumbass.”

She grabs your head and holds it to her chest, letting you cry. 

“The term ‘Golden Boy’ isn’t just because of your job, it’s more than that. Don’t take it the wrong way. Now stop talking like that, it is getting on my nerves. Pity yourself to someone else.”

Silence. You listen to the rattling sound, the wind and Jerry's irregular breathing.

“What did I do wrong?” you ask quietly, emotionlessly. “Why did they do that to me?”

“I don’t know, Y/N”, Jerry answers softly. “Some people are horrible. There is a difference between people who's openly bad, and those that pretend to be good but are rotting on the inside. I can’t stand those people. If you’re going to be a bad person, at least stand for it.”

“I feel like a fool.”

“You are a fool, but it isn’t your fault. You did what you had been told, like everyone else.”

“I wish that I knew why they decided to let me go … I mean, that way I could have prevented it … or fixed it.”

“Stop thinking about it. I told you that you’ll never deal with those people again. You’re with us now.”

You sigh. Listening to Jerry’s heart beat makes you want to laugh at how hard it is beating when she has acted like she doesn’t have one. 

“Get up”, she says after a while. “We can’t sit here the entire night. It’s starting to get cold.”

You drag yourself up on your feet. Jerry takes your hand and leads you back inside. Warmth hugs you the second you reenter the thin corridor. She takes you back to Silas’s cabin where you find him arguing with his second in command. You catch something along the lines of ‘you hit him so hard he’s lost his mind’ and don’t have to think twice to know who he is talking about. A new punch in the chest. Does everyone view you that way? As a loser who can’t take care of himself after what happened? As a dog?

“Where have you been?” Silas asks angrily. “Wasn’t I very clear what would happen if you tried to leave?”

“I didn’t fucking try to leave!” you burst out, unable to do anything else beside matching his energy. “How could I when the train is moving at two hundred kilometers per hour?!”

“Yeah? What were you doing then?”

How dense is he?

“I tried to get one second to myself to try to think! My life is falling apart and no one is caring! Everyone is just mocking me!” Tears blur your vision. “Why is no one treating me like an actual human being?! No one respects me!”

Your knees give out. The carpeted floor does nothing when you fall. A few seconds pass where you’re left to sob in silence before a pair of arms wrap around you. They’re too muscular to be Jerry’s and the second in command would never touch you. It has to be Silas. 

“Get up, Y/N”, Silas says. “You need to sleep. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

He tells Jerry to get the doctor and she disappears out of the room. Doctor Kry comes in two minutes later. In his hands he holds an identical syringe to the one he injected you with before you got onto the train. Silas holds you down as the sharp needle pricks your arm. You can feel the foreign — yet painfully familiar — substance enters your bloodstream. Damn them, you think before the darkness swallows you, damn all of them.

You wake up with him sitting by the round table. He’s already dressed. You wonder how long that syringe makes you sleep. 

“Good morning”, Silas says. 

“Hi”, you mumble as memories from yesterday wash over you, like an ice cold shower. 

“I thought that you’ll stay here for breakfast. I’ve already ordered room service.”

Your eyes lay upon the silver tray with coffee, toast and waffles on the table, when you sit up. 

“Jerry filled me in about what you talked about”, Silas says. “I don’t want more of that, got it? You don’t get to run around causing havoc like that. You need to tell us instead of getting a melt down. Surprise, we might actually help you.”

You scoff and roll your head against the headboard. “You don't want to help. You just want to hurt me.”

Silas sighs. 

“Is that why I have tattooed my symbol on you?” he asks. “To hurt you?”

You don’t answer. How should you know?

“It never crossed your mind that I tattooed that on you so that you wouldn’t leave?” Silas asks. “Maybe because I want you here?”

“It doesn’t excuse what you have done.”

“Okay, maybe not, but ask yourself something, Y/N: where would you go if not here?”

You try to avoid his dark eyes. They burn right through you, confirming everything you have been thinking. You have nowhere to go, nowhere to stay. Nowhere where you are safe, nowhere where you feel like home. Not anymore. The only thing that kept you in New York was the pride in your job and now, if you go back, the only thing that is associated with that city is shame and hurt. With Silas tattoo on your neck, no one will want to have anything to do with you, for fear of him. 

Silas leaves you be. He doesn’t ask you questions, doesn’t try to get you on better thoughts or distract you. He lets you sit by the table with him, lets you feel your feelings. Lets you try to sort out the fog in your head. 

“How long do we have until we reach Hedwig’s house?” you ask after a while. “I’m getting tired of people.”

“Two days”, Silas answers. “You’ll like it. It’s far away from everyone and everything. You’ll be able to go somewhere quiet, where you can rest for once.”

The thought of resting makes you almost tear up. You can’t recall the last time you actually had a moment of peace. 

“I don’t know what you want, I don’t have anything more to give you”, you mumble. “I don’t have the painting, or the list of names, or any contacts. You can’t trade me for the list, and it’s too late now. They’ve already seen the names.”

“We don’t care about the list anymore”, Silas says. “When are you going to realize that?”

“I don’t know. I can’t seem to … think.”

Silas grabs your neck and pushes your head onto his shoulder. You let him. And there it rests until you’re feeling better. 

You decide to get out of the cabin before it’s going to swallow you whole. You make your way down the carriages until you get to the lounge. People sit chit-chatting in their seats, drinking tea. You wonder how many of them belong to Silas, how many eyes he has on board. You do your best not to stare at any of them. Instead, you walk towards an empty table and sit down by the window, staring out towards the horizon. You’ve never been so … lost before. And yet, you feel better — just a tad bit. One day at a time. Things will be fine. Hopefully. 

“Good afternoon”, you hear a voice. 

You look up to see Edmund carrying a deck of cards. 

“ Have you finished sulking now?” he asks. 

You don’t answer. Not even these kinds of stupid questions deserve stupid answers.

“If you have, why don’t we play a game of cards?” Edmund asks and sits down in front of you. 

“Sure”, you sigh. “What do you want to play?”

“What can you play?”

“A little poker, I suppose.”

“Good. Let’s play.”

Edmund starts to sort the cards. He shuffles them skillfully. 

“What do we play about?” he asks. “What do i get if I win?”

“What do i get if I win?” you conquer. 

A spark ignites in Edmund’s eyes and for once, it gives him a human touch. He leans forward, over the table, and smirks. 

“What do you want, Golden Boy?” he asks. 

You think about it. What do you want? 

“I don’t know”, you reply and when he rolls his eyes, you add: “I actually don’t know. A bit more freedom, maybe.”

“Oh, as in?” Edmund asks. 

“Be able to walk around freely without anyone going insane, like yesterday. I can’t run anywhere on here, now can I? Just being able to go wherever I want on the train whenever I want would be a comfort.”

“Alright, I can work with that. And if I win?”

“What do you want?”

Edmund leans back in his seat and looks out the window, thinking. 

“You need to call me ‘your majesty’ or ‘your royal highness’ from now on”, he says, looking pleased. 

Any traces of humbleness is gone. 

“Haven’t I been humiliated enough?” slips out of you before you have the time to stop yourself. 

Edmund smiles boyishly. “Nope. Not nearly enough.”

There’s a small tug at your heart, and your first instinct is to feel offended … but you can’t help but feel relieved that, while the others are trying to keep you from breaking down, Edmund is still the same. 

You smile slightly. 

“Alright, let’s start”, you say. 

He’s a skillful player with sharp eyes. You wonder who he has trained with. 

“Oh, you’re an idiot, Y/N.”

Doctor Kry stands by the table, watching the table amusedly with his arms crossed over his chest. Edmund grins up at him. 

“Aren’t I smart?” he asks and nods at you. “This dumbass has to call me by my title — as he should have from the start — from now on.”

“The game isn’t over yet”, you remind him.

“Just throw the towel in and die a hero. That way you’ll have some dignity left.”

“No.”

Edmund shrugs. “Alright.”

You’re not sure how, but you manage to beat him. Doctor Kry laughs behind his hand. Edmund glares at him.

“Beginner's luck”, he insists.

“Good job, your majesty, now you've given him free roam over the entire train”, the doctor says.

“Don't get so fucking happy, doc, I can still have you executed”, Edmund warns him with dark eyes. “I don't care if Silas has you under his protection.”

Doctor Kry doesn’t seem affected. “It’s just a day.”

“This motherfucker did quite much in a day last time.”

“I’d like to see our friend Axel Ainsworth trying to do his stunts here.”

You rise from your chair and bid farewell to the two men, happy to show that you are allowed to walk away. Your last day on board won’t be too bad, you reckon. 

You take the time to sort out your thoughts and think. Sitting in the lounge, looking out the window with a glass of whiskey, listening to the sounds of the train moving and the other guests chitchatting. Your head starts to make sense, for the first time in months. Your heart beats in your chest. You hate them, hate what they did to you. How they played you. How they used you for bait. 

“Can I sit down?”

You’re pulled out of your thoughts. Hedwig stands by the armchair in front of you, wearing a sweet pink dress. You nod. She squeals and sits down, looking giddy. 

“Do you want me to get you anything?” she asks. “Maybe something to dilute the whiskey with? Drinking on an empty stomach isn’t good, you know?”

“What do you know about that?” you ask. “Are you a heavy drinker?”

“No, but Edmund is … and I guess that you can imagine how ha is when he is drunk.”

“I’m not drunk … but yes, i can imagine how he would be. He’s not the politest sober either.”

“He’s nice, in his own way.” She shakes her head, as if she’s shaking herself free from thoughts. “How are you feeling? I heard that you had some troubles. Do you want to share them with me?”

“No, I’m okay, I think I got it now. It’s been nice to sit and think … to deal with it myself.”

“What have you come up with?”

“That I don’t want anything to do with those bastards in New York anymore. If I had the list, I’d give it to Silas and Jerry. I wish I had written down the names.”

“You remember some of them, don’t you?”

She picks up a notebook out of her purse and places it on the table. A golden pen is connected to it. 

“Write them down”, she says. 

You stare at the notebook, questioning if you really should give away the little information you know. You would never have done that before. An old saying pops into your head — my enemie’s enemy is my friend. 

You pick up the pen.

[leah-lover]

Get better. Alessia Russo × pregnant reader.

Alessia introduces her pregnant girlfriend to the team after the conti cup win.

Words: 1k

You woke up to the sound of rain, and the smell of coffee, but this wasn't your favorite way to wake up because Alessia wasn't there with you. You lazily opened your eyes to a tray with your breakfast on it with a note next to it that said “ good morning beautiful. I love you.”

Since Alessia started dating it was obvious that she was a hopeless romantic. She wanted to protect you, care for you and love you to the best of her ability.as a result, you kept your relationship private since she was getting a lot of hate after leaving man united for you. Your job had nothing to do with football. One day you and Alessia met at a bar while she was celebrating her birthday. The sparks went on immediately and you never left each other after that.

You were originally living in Manchester with her but your work had required you to go live in London , the north to be exact. Upon hearing the news, Alessia decided it was also time to leave her club.

Now you wake up in your shared home in London, have breakfast in bed, then get up to get ready. Alessia had early Training that day and you didn't have work you only had a doctor's appointment.

After getting ready you went to your appointment where the doctor confirmed to you that your baby was in very good health. You ask him for a moment alone with the baby monitor and you call your girlfriend.

“ Hello baby I miss you. Well, we miss you.” You started the conversation by pointing the camera towards the baby monitor. “ Ohh hi baby, oh my God I wish I was their baby. Is everything ok?.” She said with the biggest smile on her face.

“ Yeah it's all okay. I am going to read on the road after this. We want to be with you when you win the cup.” I responded by sipping the gell of my belly.

“ Amor please be careful, besides I am sick I might not even play.” She said,

“ Yeah I know this sickness stopped you from sleeping next to me for a while now. I really miss you and the baby misses your cuddles with me.” I cooked.

“ You wouldn't have to wait much longer. I am getting better. Amor I gotta go I love you tho.” She added blowing a kiss at the camera.

“We love you too.” I said blowing a kiss back.

I got to the stadium at the right time before kick off. Alessia got me the closest seats to the pitch and to the Arsenal fans. The atmosphere was electric when the teams got in. The chants, the tension, and the even score all managed to overwhelm me so I found myself holding on to my bump more than usual. I was sat next to a few Arsenal supporters who managed to all cheer me up again.

Suddenly an uproar filled the stadium, we had won the cup due to Stina’s goal. My happiness overwhelmed me. I was happy for the team and proud of Alessia who played really well despite her illness. I was celebrating with the fans around me when i spotted alessia heading my way not joining her team’s celebration.

“ baby i am fucking proud of you i love you soo soo much.” I yelled as soon as I saw her and hugged her.

“ Hey, mind your language in front of my baby.” she said joinkinly which earned her a pout from me.

“ you should go celebrate with the girls you earn it star girl, you and me can celebrate when i get home.” I added my hands on her shoulder.

“ I don't want to celebrate with them, I want to celebrate with you plus I am not going to drive all the way to London alone again.” she said with the cutest pouty bossy face. Before I had any chance to respond she added. “ Come with me. It's time to introduce you to the team.”

Shocked, I said “ Lesi I don't do anything you are not comfortable with, you are high on adrenaline baby.”

She didn't mind anything I said, she took my hand and slapped passed security and she led me to the changing room.

The music was loud, everybody was dancing, eating pizza, hugging, and taking pictures. I felt so out of place so I tried to stop Lessi but with no luck. Nobody saw us come in, we went undetected until she shut the music off, which earned her a glare from all the team.

“ i know, I know but I wanted to share with you something very important. '' she apologized for the music. '' This beautiful young woman next to me is my girlfriend. She and I have been dating since I was at United and she is now pregnant with our first child. That's it you can now go back to celebrating.” she said and turned the music back on. All of the team’s jaws were on the floor. Leah shut the music off again and said “ you mean to tell us that you are in a secret relationship and you are going to have a secret child why didn't you tell us dumbass.”

“ What Leah here means to say is that you two are welcome. We love you already and we love you baby too right Leah.” said Kim the captain which Leah nodded to.

The encounter was wholesome, I felt welcomed by the girls who wanted to learn everything about us. That night was filled with stories, jokes and laughter.

After we were done celebrating I got on the bus with them and sat next to alessia.

“ I don't want to go home and cuddle with you so that I can get better.” she said her hands on my bump and her head on my shoulder which earned her a kiss on her head.

“ I love you baby and I am so proud of you. x

[dominimoonbeam]

Anything

Another mugging fic!

David&Babe

tw: mugging, light angst, friendship developing, pack feels, pack dynamics

Anything

They hadn’t called him.

He’d gotten a call from the Department about an incident with one of his pack. He’d rolled his eyes at first and nodded, waiting for another report about some conflict Darlin or Chrissy had gotten into. It wasn’t that the others weren’t possibilities, it was just that Milo would have told him before the Department and Asher was out of town.

But then they dropped a name he’d never heard the Department mention to him before, not since he confirmed them being in his pack. His heart squeezed in his chest. Mugged? What the fuck did they mean mugged?

“Where are they?” He was already out the door, keys in hand.

“What?”

“Where?”

“Oh, um. It looks like they checked themself out of the hospital after making a statement to the unempowered authorities… It doesn’t look like they broke covert although the report does suggest the assailant was empowered…”

David felt sick, teeth too long and hand shaking around his keys. It was too much information at once, all tossed out carelessly by this desk clerk on the phone like none of it even mattered. Hospital. They had been taken to the hospital? What the fuck had happened? And who had mugged them? And why, in the hell, did this asshole think David gave any fucks about covert?

“How injured were they?” he interrupted. They’d been taken to a hospital, but they seem to have left on their own. David wanted to find comfort in that detail but he couldn’t, because he knew for a fact that Babe could and would push through pain and illness. They would sooner walk home with a broken leg than ask someone for help and risk being a burden.

Fuck! Now he was worried they were walking around on a broken leg.

“Um… It looks like they were treated for some cuts and scrapes. There’s a note about a possible concussion but the doctor didn’t seem overly worried.” And the empowered clerk on the phone didn’t sound worried either.

“Cuts?”

“And scrapes.”

David ground his teeth. “What makes you say the assailant was probably empowered?”

“Oh. There’s a note about them being bitten. They kept their story pretty vague though,” he sounded pleased and then huffed a smile. “The unempowered doctors gave them antibiotics in case of an infection.”

David hung up. He had to. If he didn’t, he would somehow kill this person through the phone. He immediately dialed another number, sliding into the driver’s seat of his truck. He put the phone on the dash and started the engine. It didn’t take Milo long to answer. “Boss?”

David hesitated just when he was about to speak. Babe was pack but they were human and they were so private.

“David?” Milo was louder, closer to his phone and focused with concern.

“I’m going to need your help, but I need you and Stealth to keep it quite.” It never even occurred to him to ask Milo to keep anything from his partner.

“There was an incident with Babe. I’m headed to their apartment now. I need you to find out everything you can from the department.” He took a turn and pulled into an alley beside their building, not caring if he was in a loading zone.

“Yeah. On it. Are they okay?”

“I don’t know,” he said without thinking and froze just as he was getting out of his truck.

He didn’t know.

His instincts raged, his wolf rolling under his skin. He didn’t know. A member of his pack—the most important person in the world to his best friend—and he had no idea.

“I’ll get back to you.” He hung up and used Asher’s spare key to get into the building. He couldn’t wait for the lift, taking the stairs two at a time. It wasn’t until he was in the hall that he knew something was wrong, something other than everything else wrong, but he couldn’t put his finger on it until he was at their apartment door.

He knocked, but already his stomach was twisting because his senses told him they weren’t there. Not only was their apartment empty, but their scent was so faint in the hallway that he knew they hadn’t been there in hours, probably not since they left for work that morning, definitely not with any cuts.

Cuts.

Bites.

His skin crawled and he wanted to growl and whine at the same time. He needed to see them. He needed to know how bad this was and do everything he could to fix it.

He scrolled his phone numbers and tried to call them. It went immediately to voicemail.

“Fuck,” he pushed the heel of his palm against his temple. Did they even have their phone? Where would they be?

He could have the pack find them. If they fanned out, they’d have them in no time. But then he would be making this moment, this day—their day—pack public. And he didn’t know yet if that was okay with them.

Asher hadn’t called him yet. Which meant, either they were on the phone with him right now, or he didn’t know yet.

David needed eyes on Babe. He needed to be able to tell Asher he was looking at them and that they were okay, or he would lose his mind.

He tried to think up places Babe would go on his way down the stairs.

Where would he go if he was unempowered and recently attacked by a vampire? They’d called it a mugging. Had the biter really robbed them? He flipped his keys against his palm but stopped one step toward his car. The hospital wasn’t far from here. Even on foot, even slowed by injury, they would have been there by now. So, if they didn’t go home, where did they go?

He called Angel to ask if Babe had come to their place. No. Angel had questions, but David promised to explain soon and they promised to call if they heard from Babe until then.

His phone rang almost as soon as he hung up.

Milo.

David answered.

“Are they okay?”

“I don’t know,” he ground out again. “They aren’t at their apartment.”

“What?”

David looked up and down the street. It was getting dark. “Was their phone stolen?”

“No. It was broken. They were on their way home from work, just got off the subway—”

David pivoted, looking in the direction of their stop.

“In their statement to the cops, they called their attacker a biter at first—said he cornered them before they could get out of the underground station and took their jacket and their bag. They didn’t have any money or cards on them so they must have left the hospital on foot. They can’t have gotten far.”

“Did they have their keys?” David started walking toward the subway station.

Milo was moving on his side too. “It didn’t sound like it.”

If David was in Babe’s shoes, he would just want to go home. He would want to be in his own space with the door locked. But if they didn’t have their keys, they couldn’t get home. They could, of course, call him. He had the spare. But he wasn’t sure they would even if they had their phone.

He descended the steps into the subway.

“I can start at the hospital and track them.”

“Are you at the hospital now?”

“I’m on my way.”

“Good.” David hung up just as the call would have cut out anyway. The air was colder underground, the lights yellow and the hallways echoing with the hum of a passing train. The afterwork crowd had thinned out and it wasn’t quite late enough for the party crowds.

He hopped the entrance and shivered when he inhaled their scent.

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to explain how relieved he felt when he saw them standing there on the platform. They looked awful. Their pants were dirty and their shirt bloodstained and torn. He’d never seen them even mussed let alone a complete mess before. One hand clutched at the bandage around their wrist, squeezing as they frowned and stared, seeming to scrutinize the tracks.

For one horrific second he thought they were going to jump. They kept cutting glances up and down the tracks and shifting their weight where they stood at the edge.

“Babe.”

They jumped and spun around too fast.

He closed the distance and caught their hands in both of his to tug them that one step forward, away from the edge.

They stared up at him, one eye blood-red where it should be white and their cheekbone bruised in dark purple clouds. Their jaw was scraped up like they’d landed on the ground, matching their scabbed palms in his hands. “What are you doing?” David asked, trying so hard to keep his voice low and soft—trying not to growl or yell because of the fear that had built in his chest from the moment he heard their name on that call.

“Oh,” they exhaled and their shoulders dropped. They looked down at themself and flushed. “Sorry. It’s been a bad night. I was mugged but it’s fine.”

They didn’t know he knew about that. “It doesn’t look fine.”

They turned toward the tracks again. “I kicked my keys when he went for them and they went down there… If he got my keys he could be at my place and if he didn’t, well, I need them.” Their voice was tinny, carefully logical but fragile in that desperation.

David nodded, still holding onto their hands and very gently drawing them another step away from the tracks. “I’ll look.”

Babe exhaled hard and shook their head, wincing at a pain in their body and stopping short in the gesture. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll find them. You’ve probably got someplace to be.”

David stared at them. Was it shock or did they really think he was just passing by? He folded their hands inside of his. This was the first time he’d ever touched Babe. Pack was very physical but David had never been good at building those relationships. With other wolves, it was easier. It was simpler. With the non-shifters in the pack, it had always been so much harder. He knew now that he’d made a mistake when he thought that was okay—that he didn’t need to build on those bonds as well. Babe was looking at him like a work associate being nice to them on a rough day. It was polite but unexpected and certainly unnecessary. They expected nothing from him.

“I don’t have anywhere to be. I came here looking for you,” he said, their hand spasming in his.

They looked down at their joined hands for the first time, as if just now registering the contact. And then their eyes widened and their face shot up to seek his gaze again. Their words rushed out of them. “I didn’t break covert.”

It was a gut punch.

They pulled their hands out of his and took a step back, chin pressing high as they tried to stand taller. “I would have let you know after… After I got home. I just…” They looked over their shoulder at the tracks and their lost keys again, frowning.

David nodded. First problem first. He could do that.

He stepped around them and up to the edge of the platform, eyeing the shadows until he spotted the bundle of keys on a ring. He jumped down.

“Be careful!” Babe rushed to the edge.

David could hear the trains and knew exactly how long he had. He snagged the keys, pocketed them, and jumped back up onto the platform. He was just turning them toward the exit when Milo came down the steps, slowing and stopping at the sight of them.

“Hey,” he said to Babe, gaze flicking over the state of them.

David heard the way the other wolf’s pulse quickened, the edges of rage tucked behind his teeth.

Babe sighed, shoulders drooping as they started up the stairs. “I guess this is a thing now.”

Milo frowned and turned to follow them. “How was this not going to be?”

David shot him a warning look but Babe didn’t wither under the badgering tone. They sighed again, a little groan of annoyance now. They were slow on the steps but neither shifter was going to rush them.

“I mean, I figured I could go home and clean up before it had to be public knowledge that I got mugged. Asher is going to be—” They stopped and swung around.

Both shifters stopped, arms out to stabilize them if they were falling over.

“Does he know? He’s going to panic and think I died.”

David blinked at the rush of words. He shook his head. “Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first.” He really just wanted to see them—to be able to tell his best friend that they were in one piece and breathing.

Babe sagged in relief, nodding, almost slumping into the railing with the weight of it. “Good. Good. Just, let me clean up and I’ll video call him. That’ll be better.”

David wasn’t sure it would be, but he nodded.

Babe started the upward march again. David had never realized how many fucking steps their were until he watched this human drag themself up each one. He could swear he could hear Milo’s teeth grinding on the effort not to pick them up—the same as his.

“Do you know who it was?” David asked, trying to distract all of them while getting a little information.

“What?”

“The biter,” Milo helped.

Babe jerked a little, free hand flying to the bandage on their wrist. “I’m not going to turn am I?”

Milo laughed.

David groaned. “No. Asher really needs to take you to those classes…”

They exhaled tired relief. “Never saw him before. He cornered me and tossed me around. Bit my wrist and then laughed. He wanted my stuff, my phone, my keys, and my wallet.” They swallowed, looking up at the last stretch of steps.

David squeezed his fists until his fingers popped to resist scooping them up.

They continued to walk. “But my phone was busted from his initial attack and the keys I’d kicked. The next train was coming in. He took all my cards though and said…” Babe stopped then they reached the sidewalk atop the steps. They took a deep breath.

“Said what?” David asked.

They opened their eyes and looked at him, not seeming to know what he was talking about at first.

“What did the vampire say?”

A shudder rocked them when they remembered and it was like watching a person remember to be afraid. “Oh.”

“Babe?”

They looked up the street toward their building. “He said he’d see me later.”

Milo growled low in his chest and David felt relieved at the sound if only because it was the echo of the one he was holding back.

Babe looked at them both. “He didn’t mean it though, right? I mean, that’s just something someone would say to scare. There’s no reason for him to bother with me again.”

David frowned. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

Babe nodded like he was agreeing with them, relieved and started down the sidewalk.

David tipped his head toward Milo, who hadn’t moved a muscle. “Find him,” David growled. “Get Darlin to help you and hunt him down. I want him in pieces in a box by morning.”

Milo nodded once and was gone.

David joined Babe, close at their side but not quite touching, always ready to catch them or buffer anyone else out of their way. It was one of the longest walks of his life but they both sagged in relief when they reached their apartment door. For a second Babe thought they’d lost their keys again, until David pulled them from his pocket and unlocked the door.

“You don’t have to stay,” they said when they were inside.

He shut and locked the door. The lock was just for them. Nothing was getting past him.

Babe let out a little laugh. “I’m going to clean up, okay? I’ll call Ash after that. Just… Just wait, okay?”

David nodded and stayed in the living room when they headed down the hall to their bathroom.

He kept his senses focused on their breathing, hearing it even through the shut door and the spray of the shower. It took everything he had not to move when they started crying. They needed that moment alone and he wasn’t going to take it from them. He was going to pretend he hadn’t listened, even if he was, even if he had to just in case they passed out.

He texted Angel to let them know that he had found Babe, everything was okay, but he’d be over at Asher and Babe’s for a while.

-

Babe tried not to cry. Really they did. It was stupid. It wouldn’t help anything. Oh god but it had been such a bad night. They’d been so scared and then so embarrassed and now they were a mess and they’d have to call Asher and he’d feel terrible and the whole pack knew and it was going to be a big deal and how could they even convince anyone it wasn’t when their face looked like that!

They stripped down and bunched all their clothes into a tight ball, cramming them down into the trash and then tying off the plastic bag and throwing it into the corner. They felt like a mess. They felt out of control and like everyone was looking. It made their skin hurt.

They showered, trying not to wallow and take too long because they knew David would still be out there. Poor guy was stuck having to sit in their living room, thinking they were falling apart. If they could show him they were fine he’d probably feel okay to leave.

They cried some more in the shower, hoping to get the last of it out. They cleaned up, dressed in some soft sweats and a hoodie with long sleeves. Their palms throbbed, the scrapes deep and matching the ones on their jaw. It was going to look even worse tomorrow. And their eye… they could barely look at it, the white gone red.

When it was as good as it was going to get, they marched back down the hall to their living room. David wasn’t there. Their heart lurched but just as soon as they’d started to panic that they were all alone, they found him in the kitchen. He had the fridge open but had stopped to stare back at them. “I forgot that living with Ash, there’s never any leftovers.”

They exhaled, letting some of the strain in their chest go with that breath. “Yeah. I can make you—”

He shot them a look that was between outrage and shock. “I’ll make us something. What do you want?”

“Oh. You don’t have to.”

“French toast, right?”

Babe stared at him, the sleeves of Asher’s hoodie bunched up in their palms, pressing into those scrapes. “What?”

“When we do pack get togethers overnight and make waffles or pancakes in the morning… Ash always asks for French toast,” he said as he pulled the eggs and milk out and then found a loaf of bread. “He never used to ask for French toast. He has a whole thing about pancakes being superior to all other breakfast options. He started asking for French toast when you joined.”

Babe felt heat rush their face and something ease in their heart. They sank into one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter, nodding. “Yeah.” They loved French toast.

David nodded and then took out of phone and waved it over his shoulder. “Do you want to call or do you want me to?”

Tears stung their eyes. It was stupid. Everything was fine and they just needed to let Ash know that.

They held out their hand and David passed them the phone.

It wasn’t hard to find his number and it only rang a couple times before that voice they’d been missing so much picked up.

“Hey buddy. What’s up?” Asher sing-songed, thinking it was David calling.

He was on some trip to meet and get to know other packs on the continent, a gathering out in the wilderness to build relationships. Baby sighed.

The levity was gone from his voice. “Babe? What are you doing on David’s phone?”

How the hell were they supposed to say this? “Everything is okay. Everyone is okay. I just… My phone is broken.” True but not all of it. They closed their eyes. “I got mugged in the subway and my phone got broken. David had to walk me home.” Nope, not quite. “There was a police report and I had to go to the hospital, but I’m okay and I didn’t break covert or anything.”

The pause seemed long even if it was only seconds. “Oh Baabe,” he said so gently that their heart melted. “I’m so sorry. You’re sure you’re okay? That must have been so scary.”

They exhaled so much relief, dropping their head forward onto their folded arm on the counter. Thank god he hadn’t freaked out. They weren’t sure they could handle that right now. They just wanted normal. “It was but I’m okay.”

“You’re home now?”

They nodded and then remembered they had to actually say it. “Yeah.”

“You’re so fucking tough, Baabe. I’ll be there in the morning.”

They sat up, dragging a breath. “You don’t have to—”

“You know I’m coming home. Really, you’re giving me an excuse to do exactly what I want, which is to come back to you. So just hang tight, okay? Order delivery or something, sleep in, and I’ll be there when you wake up, okay?”

Babe hummed something close to a yes.

“David’s there?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I talk to him? I’ll be home soon, okay? I love you so much, Baabe.”

“I love you too,” they said and then held out the phone.

David took it and held it to his ear.

-

David turned back toward the eggs.

“Who?” There was no smile or light-heartedness to Asher’s voice now.

“Milo’s on it.”

“How bad is it?”

“Not bad.” He couldn’t give him details without Babe overhearing. “I’ll text you.”

“Broken bones?”

“No,” he was fast to answer that.

“Unempowered?”

“No.”

Asher growled.

“Milo’s on it,” David reminded. “I’ll have it for you when you get here.”

“David…” Asher started, human voice shuddering with the effort to stay in that form when probably his whole wolf was trying to shift out and run.

“Anything,” he said.

“Just… stay with them until I get there? They’re tough but…”

David nodded. He’d never intended to go anywhere. “We’re making French toast. We’ll be here when you get back to town.”

Asher grunted and hung up. It wasn’t like him to be short on words but David understood.

Babe had their head in their arms again. “You don’t have to stay,” they said as soon as he started cracking eggs. “I’m probably just going to sleep.”

“Great. Then I can pick what we’re watching.”

Babe lifted their head and looked at him before relenting with a nod. “Sure. You’re a good friend. Asher’s lucky to have you,” they said, voice quiet with the soft compliment.

It made his chest swell but his brow pinch. “You’re pack, Babe. Yes, you’re Asher’s mate, but you’re also pack.” He sighed. “You should have called me from the hospital, not because this was some sort of trouble you needed to report but because you needed help.”

“I didn’t.”

“You could have used help,” he reworded for them and felt the echo of his words in words spoken to him by Asher in the past. “You could have called any of us. You don’t have to call me if you don’t want to, but Milo or—”

“My phone was broken.”

“There are phones in the hospital. You know you could have called… and I know why you didn’t. But you don’t need to need us to call us. It’s okay to just want us to show up.”

They pressed their lips, thinking about it.

He cracked another egg. “And stop worrying about covert.”

They looked up. “But you worry about covert—”

“Yeah. It’s my job to worry about it on behalf of the pack. You don’t need to give a shit about it. When someone hurts you, all bets are off, and I will handle everything else.”

Babe blinked at him and then finally asked. “The vampire isn’t going to come back for me, is he?”

David huffed, looking for the cinnamon on the shelf. “No. You don’t ever need to worry about that.”

Babe sighed and nodded. “Thanks.”

“Any time.”

[livingformintyoongi]

Misunderstanding | Kim Taehyung

a/n: I'm so bad with titles lol. At least you get the idea a bit :). In one part it is mentioned that Y/N is not a public figure like Taehyung, even though she is a chaebol. This is because her family is somewhat like that of Samsung's owners, they keep their children's identities secret until they make their own place in the company.

Summary: It's basically your reaction to hearing about the dating rumours between Taehyung and Jennie while the two of you are still in a relationship. And obviously, he is trying to fix things as quickly as possible.

wc: 2.9k (I didn't think it would be so long honestly).

When you started dating Taehyung, you never thought it would be a big problem. You knew that his schedule was complicated, but you didn't have any drama with that because yours was pretty much the same. You also knew that you wouldn't be a public couple because of the criticism you might get, but that was even better for you because you didn't like being in the public eye either. Problems on tour? Phones were there for a reason, not being able to have children? You were too young, can’t go out in public? Loved the cozy, private dates, little quality time together? Even better! Every moment with him would feel even more special because of how exclusive it was. Yes, you were willing to accept all these disadvantages because you never saw them as an insurmountable problem. At least until now.

You and Taehyung started dating in 2020, during the pandemic. You met him at the concert in cooperation with Lotte Duty Free, one of the companies your father founded, because yes, you were the youngest daughter of the Shin, the family in charge of the Lotte company and all its subsidiaries.

The two of you got along very well while preparing for the concert, so you decided to exchange numbers to keep in touch. It only took a few months before you started dating him officially, and you were very happy at first. 

His schedule was busy, of course, but he had time for you. He would greet you with a big smile, hug you from behind, and take you to the dining room where he had a whole show set up for you. Jazz in the background, scented candles, rose petals everywhere, and two plates of food of dubious origin that you would enjoy anyway because your boyfriend made it. 

You were willing to put up with all those cons if he gave you moments like this every chance he got, moments where it was just you and him. 

Once the pandemic was over and your schedule returned to normal, things got complicated.

And no, time, work, dating, none of that was the problem, because it didn't even have anything to do with you two as a couple.The problems were caused by a third person. Kim Jennie, one of the members of Blackpink and one of the most beautiful women you will ever meet.

You never had any problems with her. You had bumped into her once or twice in the hallway on your way backstage, but obviously she wouldn't recognize you, you were always covered from head to toe.You thought that your friend had the same relationship with her, something casual that couldn't even be called a friendship because you barely said hello to each other when you were together, in fact Taehyung never looked at anyone when he was with you.So why did this happen now?

Your boyfriend was on tour and it was the time of his concert, so you couldn't just call him and ask him about it. You looked at the screen of your cell phone for the sixth time, the headline in big, dark letters seemed to mock your feelings.

"Dispatch confirms, V of BTS and Jennie of Blackpink are in a relationship," you muttered to yourself, trying to get your brain to catch the words, to process them, to react. It didn't.

You scrolled down the page until you stopped at the myriad of photos they had as proof. None of them looked doctored. 

You saw the blue short-sleeved shirt with flowers that Taehyung was wearing in the photo and put your phone down to go to the closet you shared. You pulled out all of his clothes until you found it. You grabbed it and crumpled it in your hands. 

Only then did you burst into tears. You covered your eyes with your shirt and screamed until you felt your throat couldn't take it anymore. Your heart hurt so much that you even had trouble breathing. 

You looked around the room you both shared, trying to understand why he would do this to you. You thought you were fine, everything seemed fine, so why were there hundreds of videos and pictures of your boyfriend with another girl? You felt like all these people were making fun of you by being happy for them. What about you, why don't they think about his real girlfriend who had to put up with years of being locked away in secret while these two were fearlessly dating?

The sadness soon turned to anger, and it wasn't long before you got up and grabbed the biggest suitcase you could find, whether it was his or yours.

You stuffed it with as many clothes as you could, taking your time because you knew he wasn't coming. You lifted the suitcase as high as you could and carried it into the living room. You looked at every single picture of the two of you as a couple. Another few tears fell from your eyes and you let them out as you took the frames and threw them away. 

You threw out everything you could. Mugs, matching pajamas, pictures, rings, absolutely everything. When you were done, your eyes were dry and your head hurt too much, but you didn't care. You grabbed your suitcase and headed for the door.

The only thing that stopped you from leaving was Yeontan, who stood in the doorway, staring at you while wagging his tail from side to side.

"Tannie, mommy has to go do something, okay?" you nuzzled behind his ear and sobbed softly. You knew he wouldn't understand. "Don't worry, I'll visit you every day until your owner comes."

You stood up, took a breath, and walked away. You didn't know where you were going, but that apartment was no longer an option. 

You stood in front of the buildings where you lived and watched for taxis to pass by. Just then you received a phone call. For a moment you thought it would be Taehyung, but no, it was just Jimin's girlfriend, Soyeon, to whom you had become very close over the past years.

"Yes?" you mumbled hoarsely.

"Honey, it's me, Soyeonie," she said in a much calmer voice than usual. She was probably aware of your situation. "I read the news, are you okay?" You opened your mouth to reply, but she interrupted you so quickly that you didn't have time to say anything, "Of course you're not," she sighed, remaining silent for a few seconds, "Look, I know maybe I shouldn't pry, but I understand that you're hurting and the last thing you want is to be in a place full of... him."

You sob softly, wiping your cheeks as quickly as the first tears came.

"I haven't sold my old apartment yet, it has some furniture, enough to live decently, why don't you stay there for a few weeks?"

"Soyeon-ah," you cried, wanting to hug her until you fell asleep. That's what you needed, a long nap.

"Relax, everything’s gonna be okay, Unnie will come and see you there, I'll send you the address, just wait."

"Okay," you nodded, even though you knew she couldn't see you, "thanks."

"It's nothing."

And she hung up.

You looked around. It was full of cars and buildings that looked too big. 

You felt so stupid as you mentally wished that Taehyung was here to comfort you.

You saw a taxi coming your way and you made it stop. You weren't sure if this would be the end of your relationship, you were willing to hear his side, but you weren't willing to have to live with him or a place filled with his presence.

This was best for you.

Taehyung called you the next day, about twenty times, not counting messages. You didn't answer any of them, mostly because you were asleep until 4 pm. You had a hard time falling asleep. Every time you closed your eyes, you could see the two of them holding hands, together in the car, on a date to some kind of zoo. You cried every time your brain projected those images.

Your phone rang for the 21st time. You were still a little groggy from sleep, but you answered it anyway.

"Y/N!" You turned the phone away from your ear. It was too painful to hear his voice so loud with the headache you were feeling, "Oh God, I was so afraid something bad had happened to you. I called the girls, but none of them knew anything about you, so I got worried and..."

"Why did you call me?" you asked curtly. You thought maybe you were being a little cruel, but you didn't care. Answering him like that wouldn't make him feel a thousandth of the pain you felt and still feel since last night.

He was silent for a few seconds. You'd never answered him like that before, you guessed that's why he was so quiet.

"I..." he cleared his throat, sounding a little more tense than when you answered him, "I was a little worried, my manager told me about the news and I thought maybe you were feeling a little depressed-".

You interrupted him again, but this time with a mocking laugh, "A little depressed? Is that how you think I felt? A little depressed?" you laughed again. You had completely woken up this time, "Tell me, Kim, how would you feel if overnight it was all over the news that I was dating an idol? Huh? What would you do if this news came to you on the fucking Dispatch, while I was on the other fucking side of the world enjoying a concert? Would you be a little depressed? A little hurt? Would you even have taken the fucking trouble to answer my calls?" you began to raise your voice with every word you said. You didn't even notice at what point your voice broke. "You have no idea what I'm going through, and you never will, because unlike you I'm not a public figure! I could be fucking any man in Korea and you're never going to see an internet media outlet post it and 'celebrate' my relationship, you're never going to see any fan of mine go on social media and celebrate my relationship with someone else while you're behind the curtains" You sobbed, wiping your cheeks awkwardly.

"Honey, I know it's-"

"Don't you dare call me like that" you growled, clenching your jaw, "I don't even want to hear you say my name, do you understand?"

"Y/N" he muttered, his voice trembling. You assumed that at some point in your verbal vomit he had started to cry, "Just give me 1 minute, I'll explain everything, I promise."

You tried to control your anger by taking a big breath of air, it worked enough to stop you from sending him to fuck off... for the second time.

"Do you want me to listen to you?" you mumble, looking down at your hands, remembering all the times he came home late, wondering if all those times he was at her house, doing god knows what while you tried to stay awake just to see him before bed. 

"Y-yes, please, I just need a minute".

"Fine," you smiled half-heartedly, "then come and explain it to me in person. If you're really sorry and say it's a misunderstanding, come here and tell me."

Your more conscientious side chided you for your request. It was his job, you couldn't just order him to make a trip from the United States to Korea just for you. Maybe that's why you gave him that condition. You knew he wouldn't come all this way just for you.

The line went silent, you could barely hear his breathing. You ended your conversation.

"I thought so," muttering much calmer than at the beginning, "I guess Soyeon was right in saying that the only one who would have to make sacrifices for our relationship would be me."

And you cut the call short.

You put your phone on airplane mode and plopped down on your bed, ready to go back to sleep for the rest of the weekend.

It had been a day since you heard the news, barely 17 hours since you last spoke to Taehyung, because yes, you counted the hours. You hadn't eaten anything, you'd barely had a glass of water, and the only thing you felt like doing right now was taking a very long shower and then crying yourself to sleep. Yes, it sounded like the perfect plan to try to get over your ex, if that's what you could call it.

You got in the tub at 10am, didn't get out until 12:30, and when you did you could barely feel your fingers and toes. At least your muscles had finally relaxed.

You dressed more slowly than usual, in just your pajamas, the only ones that weren't your partner's, and went to bed.

Until the doorbell rang.

You changed direction, confused. You were sure that no one besides Soyeon knew you were here. It crossed your mind that maybe she was worried about you and that's why you'd decided to open up and politely turn her away.

Except she wasn't the one waiting for you on the other side.

"Y/N," Taehyung said, trying to regulate his breathing. "You really were here," he whispered, entering the flat and closing behind him. It wasn't until the door rattled that his arms wrapped around you so tightly that you almost stopped breathing. "Why did you leave home? I got so worried when I saw our stuff in the trash and the wardrobe almost empty" he cupped your cheeks, inspecting your face.

You didn't understand what exactly was going on.

"What are you doing here?" you mumbled, letting him search your face. 

"You told me to come" he looked into your eyes and, almost instantly, his eyes began to fill with tears. "I couldn't let you because a misunderstanding made you hate me to the point of breaking up with me, I... I don't want to be without you, at this point I don't think I can be," he bent down until he could place his forehead against yours, his thumbs caressing the skin of your cheeks, "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, I don't plan on losing you over something stupid like this."

You looked at Taehyung, still not understanding what he was trying to say. 

"The pictures are real" he exhaled deeply, "but it's not like you think" he pulled his phone out of his trousers pocket. His hands were shaking slightly. You wanted to hold them, but you completely erased the thought, "We dated for a few months, it was a very short thing, about two or three months before we met".

He showed you some conversations from a few years ago. He was asking her to bring him the shoes he had left at her house last time, and that he would appreciate it if she would bring the leash they had bought Yeontan. You also saw the last messages they sent to each other, it was only a few days ago.

Jennie told him that someone had hacked into her phone and most likely found the pictures they took the time they went to the zoo. She apologized and sent him stickers of crying puppies, saying that the lawsuit against the hacker had already started and that she would try to speed up the process so that he wouldn't be affected. 

"I totally understand how angry you were, and obviously I also understand that you want to talk about this face-to-face, so I took the first flight I could find so I could come talk to you and-".

You didn't let him finish. You couldn't do that, not after everything you've been feeling the last few days. So you did the only thing you could think of since he came into the flat. You kissed him.

It was much more awkward than your kisses usually are, but you didn't care. You were so relieved that it was all a misunderstanding that no matter what kind of kiss it was, it would still be amazing to you.

He followed your kiss as soon as he came out of his surprise. He clung to you as if his life depended on it. He was the one who deepened the kiss and lifted you off the floor so he could kiss you better.

"I'm so sorry" you whispered in the middle of the messy kisses he was giving you, "sorry for doubting you" you sobbed softly, hugging his neck with all your strength.

He shook his head, holding your cheeks, "Don't apologise, it was a normal reaction, you said it yourself, I wouldn't have even answered your calls if I had been in your place" he kissed your shoulder softly, letting out a soft sigh. It felt so good to have you with him after all the tension he experienced during the flight.

"You were right about everything you said" he murmured, pulling away enough to look you in the eye, "so please don't apologize to me".

You nodded a little calmer, closing your eyes as you felt Taehyung's nose on yours.

"Now let's go get your things, I don't want to go back inside the house and not see your things in it."

Masterlist.

[lamamasjamas]

Love at First Sight: A Complication (3/9)

A/n: LOL LOL LOL, continuation of the first pregnancy. Again, if you read this before uhm... no ☺. I changed some minor things. I already liked this part so it was fun to reread and revise.

Warning: Dark!Din, Dub-con smut, breeding/pregnancy kink, very heavy with the kinks in this one, Stockholm Syndrome, dark fic!!!

Love at First Sight Masterlist

You watched Din from the kitchen, washing dishes as you were softly reclined against a rocking chair. He gathered enough credits for it after a few bounties off world, he said it was to help you relax, to help you feel better.

You glare from where he stood, drying his hands on a towel at the side of the sink and turning to you slowly with a warm smile. You couldn’t help but think he looked smug.

His eyes roam over your form that you kept hidden with a blanket. His gaze stays on your belly.

You wince as you shift, trying to find a method to have the least amount of pressure on your back. The pain has been building up for months. It was hard to find relief now so late in your pregnancy.

You were slightly overdue. He wasn’t as worried as you and you were practically trying to get him to do something about it since the first few days the complication occurred.

You’ve been begging him to see a doctor for the past month before your due date, but he denied, stating that he knew a lot about pregnancy and birth and that he was practically prepared for anything. You were a bit frightened when he came to you with a vial of pills and tablets one day, claiming they were vitamins.

He said he asked a physician for them but you had a feeling the barrel of his blaster did most of the persuasion. Especially since you only went to the doctor once to confirm your pregnancy and Din refused whatever they wanted to prescribe you, even denying them the chance to talk to you in private and to schedule another appointment.

You didn’t think it was healthy being cooped up in a ship for most of your pregnancy. Ever since he took you, you’ve been idly waiting for him to return each and every day from his missions. You had nothing to do, nothing to think about except him, him, him.

And the child. But taking care of the green baby was more effort than it was before. It used to be a reprieve. A solace. But he stays the same age. He was fifty and he still toddled like a three year old.

He constantly needed attention and care. He’d wander and get himself hurt if you weren’t vigilant. You often wonder if the mandalorian knew he subjected you to constantly be a mother. If you were stuck with him for the rest of your life that is…

That may have been his plan after all.

Din stays longer because of your restrictions in mobility as the child inside of you grew. It makes you feel suffocated. Although everything does at this point.

He moves towards you and you think you would have liked it if he had his armor on. It made him seem less human. As if his depravity was justified.

Your hands shake when he pulls you up from your seat carefully. You’ve been on the verge of crying lately, one because you physically were exhausted and two because he refuses to take you to a doctor or even a midwife often causing you to shun his advances tries for conversation.

He guides you to the bedroom and you pass by the nursery, slightly peeking inside to hear the soft snores of Grogu bundled up in his blankets. Your hand goes to your stomach as you stop for a moment watching the rise and fall of his breaths.

To think soon there would be two little noises of gurgles and giggles in the house. You almost laugh at the predicament. You would have never thought you would be here months ago.

A part of you believed that you would have travelled the galaxy before settling down. You glance at the mad beside you. Maybe in another life, one where he was normal, where he was sane… you would have travelled the universe together, willingly had a family together.

Dins hand puts pressure on your back and you groan. The bedroom seemed like a good idea now, you wanted to lay down. Dins heavy steps creak against the wood as you shuffle to bed, reaching out for the blankets and attempting to crawl to your side of the bed.

He chuckles as you struggle to get comfortable, rearranging and moving things around and then sighing again when it didn’t look or work right. He stops and his face falls when he could see the tears drop against the pillows below you, making the covers darken.

His hands roam frantically over you, finding nothing physically wrong. He frowns and smooths a hand over your head and face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks panicked, his words short and quiet. You sniffle. You couldn’t help but start to ramble.

“I’m so tired and I feel heavy and I need to see someone, something might be wrong with the baby, with me, I just-“

He stops you, holding your hands gently.

“Hey, hey, we’ll go tomorrow, yeah?” His voice was shaky. He was desperate to placate you.

Your tears stop and you calm instantly. He narrows his eyes suspiciously.

“Okay,” you respond and lay on your side. You really were worried, and scared. You also wanted to go outside. It was a chance to see the world again before you inevitably had to hide in your wooden spacious cottage.

He wrapped you up tightly in winter clothes. He said it was cold when you started to complain, and he was right, but he didn’t have to know that as you stepped out into the snow your teeth clacked slightly before you willed them to stop.

The planet was covered in a soft blanket of white. The homes expelling fumes from their heaters and fire places. You’ve never experienced snow in your home world.

You stared at the open door suddenly feeling nervous to get to know this new village.

The 'trip' was going to be to Grogu's school, since you've never seen it, and straight to the local midwife's home.

Grogu was wearing his mittens and his boots, and you gushed over him when he huffed and puffed from Din putting a hood over his head, protecting his sensitive ears.

You couldn't bend down to pick him up, but Din brought him to your arms and he stopped his whines considerably. Your mobility was further restricted from the fur lined coat placed on top of your shawls.

The sheer amount of clothes you were enveloped in made you look hearty, rather than expectant.

As you shed your layers once entering Grogu's classroom, you still felt as big as before, especially as everyone started to crowd and lean over to watch as the mandalorian carried your coats for you. You sigh, watching as Grogu twaddles off to his friends, giggling and happy.

Everyone was surprised by your presence. They’ve never seen you before, except for the time you arrived a few months back, your stomach was still small, at least smaller, and only a select few were able to catch a glimpse of you if ever when you were out of the house to get some air.

Still, your cottage was located further away from the others. It was bigger as well, with plenty of land around it. Din cared for privacy and only the neighbors were able to keep up with your outdoor appearances.

Rumors spread quickly of the Mandalorian and his “wife”. They thought he was very protective of his family by the way he scoped everyone out the first few days he brought his son to school, almost cold in his demeanor when he asked about the classrooms and their policies.

Din had gone momentarily to speak to a teacher assistant. A droid. You’ve learned of his distaste for droids early on. He keeps you far from them if he can.

He leads the assistant to the side as they try to greet you. Your mouth opens in a polite greeting but Din’s sharp tone cuts the droid off midway.

For a moment you stood there, suddenly feeling your heart beat rapidly in a mix of embarrassment and anxiety.

Many of the parents approached you, asking which child was yours. You pointed towards Grogu, and they gawked, looking to the Mandalorian and wondering what he looked like under the helmet.

They initially thought you were the green one. Now they were wondering if it was him.

As many of the parents chuckled softly and began to pull you into a group of gossipers, your nerves died down.

You appreciated being talked to, maker knows how long it had been since you’ve interacted with anyone.

You gasp when they ask to touch your stomach and you’re suddenly pulled back into a cold and hard chest. Some swooned at the protectiveness and some looked at you in pity, especially when he stared down at the parents talking to you.

You rolled your eyes. They took it as you showing your annoyed fondness towards his actions.

——————————

The walk to the midwife was short, and you didn't have to wait long to be admitted into her makeshift office.

You appreciated the padded chairs and the homey feeling inside. The warm brown walls and the vibrant plants inside made you feel safe. But the midwife, not much older than you, watches in amusement.

Din complains when she orders you to undress quickly after shaking your hand, not yet being told the problem but looking smug as she puts on her gloves.

Your eyes blink up at him pleadingly as you start to shrug your many layers off and she pats on a medical table located further into her cottage. Her warm smile invites you onto the table easily. He sighs loudly, passing over his blaster at his waist pointedly before leaning against the wall next to the doorframe outside.

She rolls her eyes before closing the door softly.

"Very protective, hm?" she mutters cheekily. You nod, your cheeks burning in embarrassment.

"When was your last check up?"

She sits in front of you, a rolling chair whose creaking wheels make your eyes shift.

"Eight months ago."

Her brows furrow slightly before relaxing again.

"You're really far along, sweetheart," she scolds softly.

You wanted to cry. You felt guilt build up in your stomach, even if it wasn't entirely your fault. Her eyes glance from her notepad to you and she pauses at your anxious state. Your hands shake as you place them over your stomach.

"I think I'm o-overdue..." you stutter worriedly. Her brows shoot up and you start to panic, your eyes start to water, and your breathing picks up. She shushes you gently, her eyes glancing towards the door.

"I'm going to do a checkup for you, okay?"

You breathe in deeply and exhale. Nodding along to the instruction to calm.

The checkup took about an hour, Din was practically pacing outside of the door by the time you came out, smiling tightly and fully dressed again.

The midwife sat you both in her office, which seemed almost comically small for Din's bulking form.

"The baby is fine," you both sigh in relief and she smiles at you, she turns to Din, "I performed a membrane sweep on your wife-"

"I'm not his wife," you interrupt quickly, fiddling with your fingers over your bump. He turns to you in slow silence, obviously irked by your comment. She stares between you both, clearing her throat and continuing.

"Like I was saying, I performed a membrane sweep on her and-"

"What is that?" he demands.

She sighs deeply, maintaining her smile with a strain.

"It's a technique where we take the amniotic membrane off by sweeping over the cervix. Helps her body know that she’s ready."

He nods as if he understood. You sigh.

"The success of the procedure isn’t certain. I suggest other methods of inducing labor as well."

She smiles cheekily as she leans her elbows on her desk, Pressing her hands over her chin and grinning fully at your confusion.

"Of course, the most enjoyable method is to have sex, but there are other methods."

You tense, Din shifts in his seat, watching as she writes down on her notepad and rips the sheet off loudly.

Before she pushed you both out of her door she winked.

He was relatively silent on the walk home and you were buzzing, practically bouncing on your feet as he started opening the door.

He was expecting you to jump him the moment he took off his helmet and you started shedding your coats to the floor. But he was shocked at the way you practically ran, more like waddled, to the kitchen, taking out ingredients for spicy stew.

You didn't even notice him walk out the door to pick up the kid from school, too busy pacing around the house and eating fruit.

During dinner you breathed in and out your mouth wide open, pouring water down your throat from the excess amount of spice you put in your own serving. He shook his head gently at your antics, especially when you went to sleep without even looking in his direction.

——————————

It's been two days; the membrane sweep did not work, and you were getting antsy. You've checked off every single thing off the list, except for the ones that needed a certain partner.

You were getting antsy, your hands were constantly on your belly, almost pushing down as if that would make the baby come out.

The house was warm, Grogu was playing in the common area, gurgling half mumbled numbers as he pushed building blocks and toy ships one by one.

For a brief moment you imagine a baby next to him, a human baby. Brown hair, brown eyes. Playing along.

You brush the window curtains open, the slight chill of the glass migrating to your cheeks. You shiver as you see the image in front of you.

You watch Din's deft fingers work over the panels of his ship, hyper focused on the way they flexed against the metal and the way they gripped tools.

Sparks flew, illuminating his armor and helmet. He grunts in irritation when a weld didn’t come out as well as he’d liked.

He turns. His hands making their way to his hips as he watches you back.

You retreat further into the house when he quirks his head in question of your stare. The moment he entered the household he was met with you waiting at the table for him, food ready at the table and steaming.

Dinner was relatively silent; you were unfocused, and you ate mechanically. You hurried to the bedroom the moment you finished and placed your plate in the sink.

You take a yawning Grogu from his seat and hurriedly strode to the nursery.

He sighs, getting up to wash.

He stood in the hallway, dishes done and left to dry in the rack, watching his son sleep peacefully. The crib next to his empty and half of the room vacant. He sighs, wishing the baby would come soon.

There were two separate bedrooms apart from the main bedroom, each big enough to accommodate two or three children. Grogu had chosen his little siblings toys. The color of the walls.

He was just as excited.

"Din, I need your help," you shout from your bedroom. He comes in immediately.

"What happened?" he shouts back, looking frantically throughout the room.

You were in the bathroom; he ran towards you only to see you in your underwear twisting and turning in front of a mirror.

"Why did you take me?" you ask, tracing over the trimming of lace lining your panties. Your ass looks incredible as you pulled up the waistband over your hips, it bounces as you poke at it, wincing when the cellulite emphasizes over the lighting.

You sigh, looking towards him in a heady stare. He walks over to you, envelopes you in his arms and sighs as you turn your face away from his chest.

"I love you."

"Do you? I don't think you can fall in love so quickly-"

"Well, I did," he says shortly.

You sigh, his hands smooth over your abdomen and you stop his hand, watching him through the mirror intently.

Something was wrong with him, he knew. You drove him to do things he wouldn't do otherwise. It was as if the moment he saw you, something was triggered in his brain. He couldn't function without you now, he would get angry, depressed, demoralized.

You were a necessity now.

"Would you fuck me, Din?" you ask innocently. He shivers at the way your eyes lift lazily up to meet his in the mirror.

You lead his hands under your underwear grinding against his palm as he cups your mound.

His fingers get sucked into your cunt and you sigh. You rest your head against his shoulder.

"Please..." you beg. A quiet okay was said behind your ear and your feet shuffle in anticipation.

His hand quickens and his fingers work you over slowly and firmly. It was as if you were being rocked by a wave, back and forth his palm connects with your clit, rubbing it firmly and then sliding across it, letting it go and doing it over and over again.

You gnaw on your lip, you could feel heat build within you ever so slowly, so gently that you sigh in content. The pain and throbbing of your body was soon forgotten as he led you to the bed, his fingers gliding over your folds and moving to your opening mouth languidly.

You suck his fingers as he laid on the mattress pulling you on top of him. He imagines your sucking motions to be akin to your lips around him, you look into his eyes deeply as your tongue swirls over his digits. He groans, slowly pulling away from your lips and trailing his fingers over your neck and towards your breasts, cupping underneath them and making your eyes roll up.

His chest was firm underneath your hands as you closed your eyes and moved your hips to an invisible rhythm.

The next morning, he would finally notice the red marks marring his skin, as he glances towards you, watching him as you pull the sheets up to your breasts, covering them in an innocence he knew was a farce.

His cock bumps against your cervix repeatedly, and you speed up, feeling him open you up each time your hips met.

You whine when your thighs start to cramp from your desperate movements.

"I-I can't -"

He flips you making sure you bounced and landed carefully on top of the sheets and pillows.

"You want it hard or soft."

You moan.

“Hard. Please.”

He has you with your back against his chest, your legs spread wide as he spears his cock into you quickly. You gasp with each thrust, arching your back against him as he sucks bruises against the tender skin of your neck.

His hips plop against your ass loudly, you had to cover your mouth from the feeling of your slick running down towards his thighs and making you slide easier against him.

You feel pure pleasure, almost as if your body is renewed and numbed down to a form in which pain doesn’t exist. You cum harder than you ever had before in your life and as you fall limply against the sheets, your belly atop a comfy pillow placed under you by Din, you sleep instantly.

He was convinced he made you pass out and for a second he worries, almost sliding his cock out of you before you whined, gripping his hand and pulling him so that his arm would wrap around you, effectively forcing him to stay put.

You shivered when you felt him shove himself deeper inside of you because of the proximity. Eventually when you were deep in sleep, which hasn’t happened in a long time, he pulled out, his seed and your slick rushing out of you.

You woke up that day feeling better than ever, albeit a little sore, but you don’t think you’ve felt that much relief in a while.

As you sit up you groan, the weight of your bump finally getting to you. You look to your side seeing the outline of his half erect cock through the sheets and hold your breath.

He woke up with his cock in your mouth, already hard as you climbed on top of him and started grinding.

He was elated at the fact that you were initiating this. It made him feel as if he was wanted, as if he had a purpose.

You couldn’t agree more as his thick cock stretched you that morning, making you see stars and replacing the aches in your body with pangs of intense pleasure.

——————————

It felt good to be fucked. It felt good for him to tire you out and to sleep from satisfied exhaustion. So, you did it each and every night until you would inevitably go into labor.

It had gotten to the point where you didn’t even worry about how overdue you were, you just wanted the excuse to have him inside of you all of the time.

He was feral for it. He loved your body; it was so plush and swollen and his. The fact that anyone from the outside, when you make him take you out for walks to aid in your predicament, could see that you were carrying his baby made him want to ravish you then and there.

You would often have mothers come up to you now, saying that you were going to have a big baby, and that they would probably be as strong as their father. It made him keen.

The whole village knew you belonged to him, especially as you stuck to his side and huddled for warmth from the heavy winds and the freezing air and especially as you hold his son as if your own, close against your chest as if you haven’t seen him for years even though he was just a walk down a path the whole day.

Everyone thought you were a happy family. They thought that when you wrapped your arm around his you were cherishing your time together, you were, in a way, it was just that you only wanted his cock. He usually took that as a signal to hurry up home, especially when your hands started to wander over his chest plate, supposedly wiping off dust or snow from his armor.

A big and happy family is all he wanted. He was just missing a member at the moment.

——————————

“Fuck, Din, h-harder.”

It's been three days so far. The midwife said you were dilated 1 centimeter. It only made you more desperate for his cum.

Sperm softens the cervix, and a soft cervix prompts dilation.

"I can't-" he groans, holding your hips still and leaning away.

"Please-" You press your ass against his crotch, pressing him deeper into you and making yourself gasp out against the pillows, your drool accumulates and spreads against the pillowcase, prompting you to lick your lips.

"We're so close..." you say pleadingly.

He squeezes your waist, stilling you from bouncing your hips against him.

"Close to what?"

"Our baby," you whine.

You knew him well. You knew what made him tick, and how well you could manipulate your way for something you wanted. That being, getting plowed into the mattress, with the bonus of speeding up the process of labor.

Your voice echoes in his head. Our. You usually referred to them as yours, because you're carrying them and you're going to be the one taking care of them. So you thought.

Also, because you didn't want him, at all and in any form, out of sexual pleasure.

He twitches and you swear you hear him growl. A shiver runs down your spine and you push him further.

"I want to give you a baby. Don't you want me to?" you murmur moaning and whiny, mimicking the women in holos usually seen in your same position.

Your hand moves under the swell of your belly, making you wince from the uncomfortable position and connect with your clit. You circle your hips, feeling him start to thrust lightly against you.

"You can put another in me after..."

His fingers meet yours and rub with you. You almost scoff against the pillow from his sudden eagerness, but your breath catches from a particularly hard thrust.

"I'll give you as many children as you want," you blurt out as you feel your body heat up quickly. You didn't have a filter anymore, your mind was shrouded in the feeling he was giving you, in the need to reach completion.

"Please- I want to expand- mph, our clan-"

He hushes you, thrusting into you with precision and pushing you into the sheets below careful to not put pressure on your stomach. You didn't even notice that he turned you over, your back hit the mattress, his hands pinning you beneath him. His mouth glides along the valley of your tits.

His tongue slides over to your swollen and dark nipple, helping him engulf your fatty tissue into his mouth. He sucks in pulses.

He lifts your ass in the air, pressing himself as deep as he could go before pulling out and thrusting in again. His pelvis slides against your clit each time his cock meets your cervix.

You come apart with a tremble and a high-pitched whine. He groans into your breast, sucking until your milk coats the inside of his mouth. Your back slowly lowers back into the soft blankets and he holds himself up, his head buried in your breasts.

You sigh, pressing your hands against his hair as the pressure on your chest was being relieved. His cock was pulsing in time with his suckles.

Your nails were scratching behind his head, caressing his brown locks and smoothing a thumb over his cheekbone.

He came with a long groan, still inside of you, when you tug on his locks after he bit you lightly.

He lifts his head, his eyes search your own blissed out ones, half lowered and drowsy. When he kisses you, you respond back sensually, slowly and as if you meant it.

It stung him.

The only way he could get you to show him affection was if you were in a state of euphoria and not your complete self. You grumble as his lips start to part yours.

"I'm tired," you mumble. He chuckles, nodding his head, helping you shrug some pillows under yourself and placing his body behind you. You hum as you press your head against the pillow.

His lips meet your earlobe and you smile lightly, still in a daze. You pause when he speaks, lowly.

"I will get you swollen again. I know you; you seem to forget that. I know your using me to get off, but any words said to me are a promise."

Despite yourself and despite everything else you clench around him, a quiet moan escaping you as he presses himself against your back and slid back into you slowly.

The very next day the contractions hit, he carried you to the midwife across town and you met a very beautiful, yet slimy, chubby baby.

Your eyes softened when he first handled her with gentle care, as if she were made of glass. He smiled, almost grinned, when she gurgled and moved her head from side to side, looking for you.

You forced your hands to stop shaking when you gently cradled her to your chest. Staring into her eyes as they opened slowly, you truly started to believe it wasn’t unbelievable he fell in love with you so quickly.

A/n: Reblogs and Comments much appreciated lol. 🥰❤️ mwah! 💋

[poppadom0912]

Dr Dean Reybold

Warnings: Cancer, chemotherapy, hospitals, evil doctors

Summary: Unfortunately for you, some cancers are genetic. Also unfortunately for you, some doctors don't have good intentions.

A/N: Based on Season 1, episode 5 of Chicago Med (Malignant) and Season 3, episode 10 of Chicago pd (Now I'm God).

So I had this idea towards the beginning of when I first started watching pd and I am not kidding when I say this has been sitting in my drafts for over two years now. I thought I'd finally get to finishing it after a really good day today since the fic I posted like 2 days ago wasn't that nice. Hope you enjoy!!

When your mother died from cancer, it took a toll on your entire family. Everyone was struggling to grieve and the emptiness she left behind was unsettling. Even now, the empty chair at the dining table looked so wrong.

So when you were diagnosed with ovarian cancer seven months ago, you felt extreme deja vu. Life was repeating itself again and nothing good was going to come out of it.

While at work, your patient got a little violent and when you woke up, your dad and Erin were at your bedside. They were in the middle of a case when Hank was suddenly called, being told by Sharon that you were hurt.

Luckily, several tests and scans later, you were perfectly fine, coming out with nothing but a concussion.

Alas, your body seemed to hate you because fast forward two months later and you found yourself in a private doctors office, the man confirming you had ovarian cancer.

Looking your dad in the eyes that night, mustering up everything in you to tell him you had the exact same thing that killed your mother; you could see the world fall apart in his eyes all over again.

From that day on, you did your chemotherapy while going to work. Being a psychiatrist, it didn't entail much physical work and your hours were decreased due to manage your treatment.

But the cancer got worse, that's what your doctor said at least. You probably would've gotten your treatment done at Med since they were renowned for their chemo regimens and it would've been more convenient.

But your doctor was the man that treated your mother. Seven months into your treatment and you found it a little difficult to leave.

*****

So, it was just another day at work.

You near threatened Doctor Charles to allow you to take his place as the psychiatrist for the ED and after lots and lots of convincing, he caved but with the conditions: you took regular breaks, everyone kept an eye on you, don't take such a big load, update him often and not to turn Sharon away when she to check on you.

There was a sudden influx of patients due to a fire and you were finally able to help after Maggie stopped being so annoying very, constantly hovering over you when she wasn't with a patient.

This wasn't anything abnormal - the injured people - but what was weird was the lingering members of firehouse 51 and the arrival of Jay.

In one of the spinning chairs, you pushed yourself over to the group of people huddled at the front desk, curious to what was up and needing to do something after sitting duck for half an hour now.

"Oooh, what's this?" You looked at the zip lock bag in wonder, only opening it when Jay gave you the okay, nodding his head with a smile at your presentable face.

The last time he saw you, you were a struggling mess at your dad's having come back from getting treatment.

After explaining briefly, you gladly opened the bag and scanned the items. While flicking through receipts, you could hear Erin stop in front of you, letting the three of you know it was looking like a suicide. Giving you and Erin some time, Jay and Kelly gave their goodbyes and went back to their respective jobs.

"You look much better." Erin looked you up and down, noticing that your skin was still quite pale, the bags under your eyes were still there even with the makeup and you were wearing your usual bandana, a staple since the hair loss started kicking in.

"Well thank you very much." You said truthfully despite some part of you believing that she was lying and you looked worse than you did the last time she visited you. "How are you?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Erin asked, smiling as she watched you skim over the few items she had no interest in. "I'm fine, everyone's fine. This seems pretty simple which is good, less work for us."

You hummed nonchalantly, her words going through one ear and out the other. "Do you mind if I give these to Dr Charles? I want to get his opinion real quick."

"Sure." Your sister in everything but blood shrugged her shoulders, seeing no harm in getting another opinion. "Just don't lose anything, yeah?"

"Ha ha, very funny." You said smiled sarcastically, rolling your eyes at her undertone as you rolled your chair away to find the head of psychiatry.

*****

It had been a few hours later. The fire incident from earlier was no longer at the forefront of your mind as you busied yourself with your actual patients. Doctor Charles was back in the ED and you had several meetings scheduled.

Signing off a treatment sheet for some new medications, the silence of the psychiatric ward was interrupted by heavy feet rushing towards you.

Looking up, your were caught off guard. You were not expecting to see your dad and Erin again till later in the evening for dinner.

And by the looks on their faces, this wasn't going to be a happy little visit.

In fact, your dad looked conflicted. A myriad of emotions painting his face, so many that you started to get scared. You hadn't seen him look like this since-

"Dr Dean Reybold. He's your doctor right?" Your dad asked, skipping past any pleasantries.

You felt time slowing, almost struggling to hear what he was asking.

You could only nod.

You felt like a child again being scolded watching how he reacted. It was like you had hurt him. Watching him try to compose himself made you want to be sick.

When your dad looked back at you, his eyes bright in unshed tears, you felt your heart stop.

*****

It was a lie.

All of it, everything. It had all been a lie.

It felt like going through the five stages of grief, grappling with the news and the reality of this situation.

You along with way too many women had been lied to and deceived. In your most vulnerable positions, you had all been manipulated just for his selfish, disgusting needs.

At your most emotional, he lied. He used your personal connections, your past with your mother. What a sick sick bastard.

Sitting on a bed at Med, Natalie showing you your test results, you didn't even have it in you anymore to cry. You were just so tired.

Going back home to your dad, you felt like a little girl again. You felt like that five-year-old who would lie about her nightmares just so she could sneak into her parents bed and sleep with them.

His arms opened up instantly and you didn't need anymore prompting. Dragging your feet towards the couch, you sat and folded yourself up, tucking your feet under yourself as you tried to hide and make yourself invisible in your fathers embrace.

Closing your eyes, you told him the news, the inevitable that you both had been dreading. Deep down, some sick part of you wished to have cancer just so that you could feel better, just to not feel like a victim who was a ploy for some psychopath.

His arm squeezed you as your voice became breathy, words shaking as all the emotions all came crashing down once again.

You had been crying way too much recently.

The plans for the future were still a little blurry and you weren't too sure how you were going to cope. Your body needed to heal and go back to being its usual healthy, as if you and so many other women hadn't had chemo and unnecessary radiation pumped into your body for no reason at all.

You had met all the women at the court hearing, seeing just how many women and families he had hurt just like yours.

And for once, being a psychiatrist didn't feel like the most important thing.

You were struggling to grapple with your emotions but the easiest part of it was being a helping hand to them. Perhaps it made you feel better to help the other women, trying to help them mentally when you can't physically.

And your dad and Erin were your biggest supporters like always.

This had brought back so many memories from the past that it was almost too painful to recollect, especially considering you were now at the forefront of the exact same event.

You weren't too sure what the healing and recovery process was going to look like - that's what scared you the most.

But the most reassuring part was that the sick 'doctor' wasn't going to do anymore harm and you had the best family supporting you every single step of the way.

[rise-my-angel]

Heart of the Great Wolf

Then Came the Explosion

Pairing : Jon Snow x F!Baratheon!Reader, Robb Stark x F!Baratheon!Reader (one sided)

Length: 25.3k

Warnings: modern!au, angst/hurt comfort, talk of doctors/medical care, severe anxiety, panic attacks, mentions of pregnancy, accusations of baby trapping/stealthing, smut, oral (m and f receiving), p in v, breeding kink

Notes: I'm so sorry how late this is coming out, and I know I think we all saw this coming, but hopefully it was worth it? Previous Chapter Here, Series Masterlist Here

You could hear very little save for the tapping of your nails against the chair your arm sat along. The material mostly soft save for the wooden edges which your hand naturally lay at the end of, and despite all of the noise around you, only that constant tapping filled your head. One nail, then the other, all following in quick succession almost replacing the ticking of the clock above the reception desk. If you let your mind refocus into the moment, you might have heard the subsequent but more frequent clacking of the keyboard where the woman sat, or the idle chatter along the hall just beyond your sight as you waited your turn.

The Starks had always insisted you use their private medical care since it would be a lot quicker and more efficient, but you had always felt guilty at the idea. As if you were taking advantage of their kindness, and as a result, you stubbornly had gone on your own to the public service. Normally, families descended from highborn nobility had smaller private medical matters usually performed primarily by a Maester of the Citadel. More personal and more specially trained, you saw the allure in using such a thing for yourself, but felt bad at the idea when you weren’t family.

Your own family had them, split between the two places the Baratheons lived. On your childhood island home of Dragonstone, you had grown up with Maester Cressen, and now the much younger Maester Pylos. In Kings Landing, there was Grand Maester Pycelle, whom you did not particularly trust but when you lived there, you made do. But here, you weren’t a Stark, and it didn’t feel appropriate to use things which were there specifically for them. A regular doctor was fine, you didn’t have much urgency in your issues anyways.

Fatigue, headaches, a general ill feeling in your stomach almost like nausea. Looking at your medical history, it wasn’t unusual to start with more direct tests considering how often your mother had fallen ill during her lifetime. So far you nor Shireen had issues as rampant as hers, but it was a possibility. Now you had to merely sit in the waiting room to be called, only to likely be told exactly what you suspected.

Find ways to make your life less stressful and the symptoms would eventually go way on their own.

Your eyes finally directed themselves down to your phone as the lockscreen lit itself up. Your brows narrowing ever so slightly as you unlocked it. You must have missed a few scattered messages rolling in, as you had a fair few unread. Two from Theon confirming he’d come pick you up on his way back from work, one from Margaery which preview was cut off but you no doubt could tell by the start of it she had some piece of gossip she needed to share with someone. And the newest which caught your attention being from Jon, confirming he was coming home from a long multi day shift in two nights.

Glancing up as if to check to see if he’d somehow know you were lying, you merely responded with an answer that you were eagerly awaiting his return, as sitting at home was growing boring without him. You knew if you told him you were at the doctors, he’d worry. You hadn’t told him you went to see them the first time a few days ago, so you thought if it was just stress, you had no wish to worry him for nothing now. Luckily, you knew he was north of the Wall at that moment, it made not including many details about your day simple as he had not much in the way of time to even look at his phone outside of the dead of night before sleeping.

Part of you was frustrated, it started about a week after coming home from Dickon Tarly’s wedding and no one else seemed to have felt sick. Meaning if you caught something down south, only you caught it, which figured. Just your luck, it seemed.

Otherwise, it had been hard to gauge how everything was. Things between Jon and Robb had gotten no better. Even Theon had picked up on it to the point it was frustrating him. Only he knew you were going to the doctors, and he offered to pick you up today so that you didn’t need to explain where you went at such an odd part of the afternoon. One night things had gone not well. Neither of you knew who started it, but by the time you and Theon noticed, Robb and Jon were standing in the kitchen nearly yelling at each other about something you couldn’t even figure out.

When they noticed you were there, before they could apologize and explain Theon came barrelling down the hall completely fed up and all but dragged you out the door saying the two of them could fend for themselves for dinner, while he and you enjoyed a night out in some peace and quiet for once. A small diner you both had not been to in many years, but as Theon put it, you seemed to be in need of some good Northern comfort food. The jest starting immediately that you were terrible at making comfort food because everything in the south was different then in the North food wise. He wasn’t wrong.

You and him hadn’t spent much time together in a while with everything else going on, but it was a breath of fresh air. Both literally and figuratively. Getting you out of the house was tricky sometimes now that you could work remotely. The guys would get creative in finding ways to get you outside, but it was always nice. Also though, you and him hadn’t spent much time just the two of you away from the Starks for a while. It was nice, a kinship only you both could understand.

While Theon had spent much more time with them as he lived there for a number of years, you both knew what it was like to be outsiders. To be so close to them, but not one of them. It made you both some days feel like you were only looking into their live, not being part of it. You hadn’t grown up with any siblings until Shireen, but by the time she was born you were already a girl of twelve. Theon was the closest thing you had to a brother, and despite having a sister of his own, you were more of a sister to him then Yara was.

It was there you let out your frustrations and nerves. That this all stemmed from the night Robb had to come get you from a bar, so drunk you passed out in his car before even leaving the parking lot and it only got worse from there. He held back what he thought for a while, before asking what Jon had said and you told him the truth. That Robb was just looking out for you. Only, you also told him what you still hadn’t told Jon about. The evening you two got back from the wedding. When Robb confronted you and what he said.

Normally, you’d expect Theon to want to jump on this opportunity to say the first snarky thing on his mind but he had been surprisingly restrained. Saying he’d pay more attention too and see if he could get out from either of them what the real issue was. You had muttered that it was your fault they were fighting, but Theon only shrugged as he sipped his coffee. “Probably, doesn’t mean you have to blame yourself though.”

But, he had agreed to help in what ways he could, since he too suffered from the tension in the house.

Eyes flying up as your name was called, you swiftly tucked your phone away before following the nurse into the room so you could once more, wait for the doctor, only now in a smaller more quiet room. By the time he entered the room, closing the door behind him he went through all of the usual pleasantries before getting to it. “So, I called you in to discuss the results of your blood test, and what next steps will mean.”

Your heart sunk a bit before raising in it’s pace, sitting up straighter you felt your face steel for what was to come. “You found something..”

While your voice was low and worrisome, his was far more passive and unperturbed for a man about to tell you how sick you really were. He looked at your chart on his computer screen with almost a chuckle, “That we certainly did.” You stammered in silence looking to him for an elaboration, only the next thing he said wasn’t actually a diagnosis. It was a question.

One that had you pause, your body freezing in place as everything yet nothing ran through your mind at that implication. You were fairly certain for the remainder of the appointment, you hardly heard him say a thing through the sudden ringing in your ears as nerves exploded inside of you to something suddenly more in panic then if you were terribly ill.

“Tell me, when was the last time you menstruated?”

You almost slammed the car door so hard Theon actually spoke up by the time you got inside. “Hey, don’t take it out on the car.” Your eyes only glared to the side as you sat back, your head landing with a light thud against the headrest behind you as your eyes closed, a sigh leaving you. “Go that well?”

It came out so naturally that perhaps it hadn’t quite sunk in yet, the truth. So your mouth lied without second thought. “He told me it’s only stress.” Theon begun to drive, asking isn’t that what you suspected the problem was. Presuming he’d catch your nod in the side of his vision it was quiet in the car only filled the silence by his music. Asking he thought you’d prefer that to be the answer, your shrugged with a distant mumble as your mind worked quickly to seek out the words. “I thought so too, but apparently when the answer to how do I feel better is just, relax more, turns out that isn’t such a relaxing answer.”

Your head lulled to the side as you looked out the window as things passed you by. Something caught in your throat preventing you from even attempting to make conversation, but luckily your energy seemed to be caught on by Theon. Biting your tongue to keep your face still, you felt a warm sensation in your face that you knew too well could boil over. A watering wanting to fill your eyes but you did nothing to try and wipe away them before they fell should Theon glance over and notice. You’d have to keep them open and hope they dried up even though your heart begun to race more as the silence got to you.

One thing then another, only now you knew no one was responsible but you. This time, the issue was your fault and there was no denying that. The doctor asked you question after question to make sure you were on the same page. Finally narrowing it down to how this happened you came upon one night and how that just so happened to be it. Your heart picked up more the second the thought came into your head. You’d have to find a way to explain it, one that didn’t make you look and sound so horrid.

It would look planned. With what you said in the car, what happened before it all to cause what you said and then this? You knew how it was about to come across and the answer was only one road, that it was about to be horrible and no one could blame any but you for it.

Pulling off of the main road which led down a narrow stretch with woods and hills surrounding it, eventually it would lead down to the Stark property. Theon’s voice pulling you back into the present as he spoke with a tinge of annoyance as if he had been trying to get your attention for a while. A rather unbecoming, “What?” Came from you as you looked at him.

Almost rolling his eyes in jest he elaborated his point but slower as if this too was the second time he’d said it. “I didn’t tell Robb. That you went to the doctors, in case you were worried he planned to interrogate you the minute you walked in the door.” Asking what he did say, it was an easy enough explanation to go off of. “Told him you were out somewhere with Margaery and I’d pick you up on my way to make it easier for you.” Thanking him he nodded as the main houses begun to come into sight.

Just off to the side, you could see the expansive back yard of the Stark house, with three direwolves running and barking and jumping all over the other as following you could see Bran, Arya, and Rickon all roughhousing together as the wolves mimicked their behaviour. Just barley you could see someone sitting on the back porch you could only assume was Catelyn ensuring they didn’t get too carried away with everything.

Theons car passing by was enough to distract Bran enough to turn around and look, only to be jumped on the back by Arya who no doubt was yelling not to let his guard down. Just calm and peace, and the further away you drove towards home you felt anxious again. The papers in your bag were overwhelmingly heavy. As if they were replaced with steel trying to bare your person down into the ground to disappear forever.

Heart picking up again you felt nervous. You shouldn’t have put them there. Now you’d have to get them from where your bag normally stayed at the front hall, and have no one see them so you could hide them. At least with Jon gone, you could hide them once you got into his room where you knew he didn’t go and pry around but you needed to get passed both of them without them asking about it, because as of yet, you had no explanation.

Robb naturally was already home. His car parked in the driveway, and you knew you couldn’t go in there with this feeling so painted on your face. Each little movement felt as if it was taking forever. Your limbs and muscles functioning in slow motion. Even the cracks or creaks were different, a sharp echo in your ears you wanted to hide from but couldn’t. As you stepped out onto the pavement, you closed the door with much more slowness then before, only to catch Theons attention as he smirked. “See? Now you’re treating her with respect.” Nodding, you fiddled with your bag for a second as he noticed. “You coming in, Baratheon?”

Looking into your bag where the papers were, you also spotted your phone, giving you perhaps a chance for an out. You didn’t need to hide the papers inside if you did so now, alone. Nodding you pulled your phone out, “In a minute, ironically Margaerys been messaging me all afternoon.” The implication picked up on, Theon just nodded and went inside the house.

Feigning the ruse, you turned to pace as you typed away on your phone despite the screen clearly being off. Naturally standing so your back faced the front windows, you put the phone back before carefully sneaking the papers out from their spot. Folding them even further, you took only a moment to slyly tuck them into your pocket, stored away and with your shirt just being on the edge of too long, it hid any sign something was in there.

The house was warm when you got inside, a heavy heat that seemed to emminate from the kitchen as you hung everything up. You’d have to pass the kitchen to get to Jons room, and they’d both notice you scurrying away if you tried to hide it now. Sighing deeply, you told yourself it was fine. Jon wasn’t here for another two nights, you could hide it later with no reason to look over your shoulder. They were hidden in your pockets, not visible under your shirt. Neither would notice.

Your palm grasping the edge of the door frame, you slowly slid your way half way into the room. Leaning against where the back of your hand sat outwards, you watched the two of them move around the kitchen like normal. It was normal, everything was normal. It was only you and your mind that wasn’t normal. Swallowing, you tried to breathe slowly and deeply only to be hit with something more like that ill feeling again.

Nothing smelled bad, in fact it all smelled rather delicious, but it was strong. Almost too strong as it hit your senses and almost had you wavering on two feet grasping at the edge of the frame tighter. A voice called your name, your eyes blinking before realizing Robb was standing in front of you. A bemused grin as if he watched it all play out, “You alright there? The Tyrells tire you out that much?”

Your smirk played off more in an exhausted manner then overwhelmed. A huff of a laugh trapped in your chest as you nodded a bit. “You try spending hours with her, being shoved into the fitting rooms with the kinds of clothes she picks out.” Only laughing, he knew what you meant in his own way as he nodded for you to move more inside with him. “What are you making this time?”

Gesturing for you to go look yourself, you slowly pulled the lid off the pot and once more that smell was enticing yet overwhelming. As if letting the fumes get to you, you stood there for a moment trying to allow the feeling to pass, only doing so when you could slightly hear Robb starting to speak again. Putting it back down as you turned to suddenly grab the things to set the table. “It looks great.”

Luckily, it did and such a phrasing was sufficient to get through it. Still the papers weighed you down, even as you managed to push passed whatever was riling up your sense of smell you managed to eat as normal. Almost ironically, not as hungry as you should’ve been. Your mood was noticeably more off, but while Robb didn’t know why, neither really did Theon. And both of them seemingly shared a glance trying to get you to open up, and they thought they knew just how as to what was on your mind really.

“Your uncle was here today.” Your head looking up at Robb like it was yanked upwards from your food with narrowed eyes as he smiled a little, “I mean at the office.”

Asking what he was there for, Robb only raised an eyebrow at you before your face dropped, as did your voice turn rather flat. “Oh.”

Nodding, he tried to keep it as diplomatically as possible. “Her travels haven’t been going very well. She tried to go through the Riverlands next, which didn’t work out either.” You and Theon shared a knowing glance. Robb’s mother Catelyn was born a Tully, the family which was in control of the Riverlands and despite the issue surrounding Jon, no doubt it was simply the effect it had on you and the family as a result that likely had words whispering between Catelyn and her brother Edmure. Robb continuing between bites. “The Vale wouldn’t let her in, but..”

The Vale wasn’t letting anyone in. Catelyns sister Lysa was married to Jon Arryn, the man in control of the Vale. He had some years ago passed from a fever, and Lysa took herself and their only son Robin there instead of moving back to Riverrun. People said that she was fresh widowed, she didn’t know what she was doing or saying, but it had been years since then and still the acted as if the Vale was a kingdom she could lock away from the rest of the world.

Your face was scrunched up when Theon chimed in, “Trying to figure out where she would go next?” Nodding, you still came up blank, knowing that there was not much that would be easy for her campaign. “Well, she can’t do the Crownlands or the Stormlands, meaning the easiest pick would be the Reach.”

You rose a brow, looking from Theon to Robb with a doubt. “And who is she hoping to win over there exactly?” The Tyrells were the main house of the Reach, but there were other houses there with none to favourable of a history towards her family. Even centuries later.

Robb shrugged, “If we’re lucky, she’ll win none of them and eventually figure out she should go home.” Theon commenting without hesitation that never seeing her face again would be too soon. You felt both men looking to you, but you didn’t comment on it. Your face impassive despite the feeling heavy in your stomach. Asking in more of a mumble what your uncle was around the North for, Robb recalled he did have a point bringing that up. “He asked about you.”

Your eyes shot up, narrowed and suddenly suspicious. “Me?” Affirming yes, your next answer was just as short and to the blunt point. “Why?”

“He wanted to know how you were doing. After everything.” It was lucky who was speaking to you, as your shortness continued and yet did not bother them as you asked why once more and Robb chuckled lightly into his drink for a moment before setting it down. “You and him apparently haven’t spoken since then, he was worried. Don’t worry I didn’t tell him anything bad.” Answering you before you could even get the question out.

Sighing, you leaned back in your chair, looking to the side at the wall full of calendars and various photos, notes and more. Looking back your face dropped a little in a bit of defeat. “Well, at least one of them is interested in speaking to me again.”

They both knew without needing to be told.

Since everything that happened with Daenerys Targaryean, Robert and your father Stannis had stopped speaking to you. Renly tried to assure you it was under the guise of being busy, but you knew better. Stannis was disappointed, and Robert was angry. It was the Baratheon way, having the most extreme reaction to whatever emotions come their way.

You hadn’t heard from them in the three months since that week. You were lucky however, with your father in Kings Landing with your uncles, your mother had been able to stay on Dragonstone with your sister Shireen, which meant that she allowed her to call you as much as she wanted on the phone. Many nights your mother gave her phone over to Shireen and late into working you’d be at the desk with your phone tucked between your ear and shoulder as you typed away.

Books, it always started with the books. What she was reading, what it was about, what her favourite parts were. A student of history your baby sister was. Sometimes she’d tell you the name of the book, and despite being long since familiar with it’s contents, you’d always ask what it was about so she had an excuse to tell you all about what she learned. If you had one thing on your side, it was that your mother wasn’t so attached to their anger that she deprived Shireen and you from speaking.

But, Robert wanting to possibly mend that bridge didn’t mean you’d be able to see Shireen again so easily. Baratheons did not forgive their grudges so quickly, and your father was certainly a staple of such behaviour with you. A small shift in your seat, and you felt the papers shift. Your heart almost skipped a beat as you thought of it, the prospect of having to tell him. Or your mother. You weren’t even-

They were going to disown you, in the best case scenario.

“It’s something at least.” Meeting Theons gaze, you knew you had no right to complain in front of him about distant family. How long it had been since he spoke to any of his own beyond possibly a few exchanged words online with Yara? You’d wager on a very, very long time. He has lost his interest in rekindling that the last time he tried visiting home. “Renly is still speaking to you, and Gendry.”

Robb’s eyes stopped and flickered up at that. Your face twisting knowing what he was thinking, leaning forward your elbow rested on the table pointing to him in a sudden stern warning. “Don’t start.” About to speak, you cut him off with wider eyes. “I know what you’re about to say, Stark. Don’t say it.”

Now tied in a stare off, you knew exactly how many things were begging to leave his mouth but your own gaze was quite a challenge as you didn’t even blink as long as he was on the edge of saying something. Tilting his head almost in relenting, you did so too, moving back to your food before you heard him mutter, “Could at least tell him to get some manners.”

Your head rose up with the most flat expression on your face you could naturally summon. “Robb.” Only for him to say your name back. You were not having this back and forth again, not even as a joke, you didn’t have the energy at that point. But he left it be, for your sake.

You weren’t doing as good of a job at hiding as you thought you were. Making your way to Jons room, Robb gently grabbed your arm. Turning you around to face him, he left it there but now sat in a more comforting manner as he toyed it up to the hair sitting draped over your shoulder. “Are you sure you’re alright? Ever since you came home you’ve barley been paying attention.”

Nodding, you swallowed down the nerves desperate to fling itself back up into the main spotlight. “I’m just tired, thats all. Haven’t slept well these past few nights.” He looked as if he didn’t believe you.

His brows furrowed, something unsure deep in the blue of his eyes and was silent for far too long. The hand by your shoulder reached up, cupping your cheek as he leaned down to meet your own eye level with a serious tone but coming out with a comforting warmth. “Anything thats wrong, or you just want to get off your chest. Anything you might need, you know you can always come to me, right?”

Nodding, you felt the most calm you had. Just one persons reassurance that even if things weren’t okay, you had him. Grasping gentle at the wrist by your face, you let your thumb naturally sit against his pulse, something more strained and notably held back but soft enough you hoped Robb would not push yet. “I know, and I will. I promise.”

The bright smile came over his face, finally a hint once more of the Robb before the mess from months ago. Pulling from your cheek, he shifted his hand to grab at yours, pressing a kiss to the back of it more formally before leaving it to pull you in by the back of your head, a more reassuring one pressed to your forehead before he nudged you in the opposite direction. “Go on, get some sleep.”

Feeling his eyes as you walked down the hall, for once it didn’t feel overbearing. For once, it felt like the only comfort you had, or will have coming forward. Closing the door with your back pressed against it when it clicked shut, your eyes too closed as your breath shook somewhat. The warm feeling returned to your face and the sting in your eyes was much more obvious.

Drawing near the tears wanted to fall, but you inhaled sharp and suddenly. Trying to keep the air in your lungs there for a moment as if to keep the water in you eyes at bay too. Your heart pounding in your chest as it had off and on all day long. It all overwhelmed you, and not even the quiet and comfort of Jons room brought it too you. He wasn’t in here, scrawled over his desk going over report after report. Ghost wasn’t happily laying up on the bed no matter how many times Jon had insisted he didn’t let Ghost nap there, only to always find white fur when washing the sheets. Not even a light was on. His window curtain still partially open, giving you enough light of the evening to find a dim lamp, only enough to illuminate part of the room in an orange glow.

Making your way to his bed, you sat carefully down on the edge, Leaning to pull off your shoes, sitting them neatly off to the side before you returned. Upright and stiff, your palms on your thighs you toyed a few fingertips over where the papers were. You’d have to pull them out, look at them, accept it. The weight almost too much to bare but you had felt ill at the doctors implication of what you could do about it. That was more then too much, a thought you never thought would even come to you as an option in a scenario yet it was there and it was awful. But so was the alternative.

Your eyes closed long enough to let out a deep sigh, pushing onto your feet you pulled the papers out. Unfolding them once, left in a half fold you hesitated. Looking over them, you could just barley begin to see the outline of the ink printed on the other side when you folded it back once more. You knew what was in it, you didn’t need to see it again. The weight in you rose up and up, finding it hard to ignore and suddenly you felt choked.

As if you were laying and someone pressed on your chest and all that was left to you was the need to cry out, except not for air, but cry out in a genuine tear. Hidden on your side of the closet, behind a few innocuous things was a small box. Not an actual lock on it, only one you flicked upwards but it was discreet.

Kneeling down you sat back on your shins as you sat the box in your lap. Pulling it’s lid upwards you had a litter of things inside. Most of which meant nothing to the causal onlooker. Trinkets and toys, all of which held meaning. Small chains with what almost looked like dog tags attached made of metal with four names etched into them, one each. Letters and what not, and you shoved it all aside to make room at the bottom. Sliding the letters underneath was when you broke.

Not a sob, but a cry quiet in the room let itself out finally. Were you not gripping the box tightly you’d have dropped it all together and the mess would’ve just symbolized how pathetic of a mess you had made things further. Hiding these way was not like hiding this. You couldn’t hide this forever, it was impossible. Part of you wanted to not care, to take the alternative route the doctor offered but you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t come to that conclusion it wasn’t how you were raised. Other women could and it would be perfectly fine, but you were not them and you didn’t have that strength to handle it.

Yet, you didn’t have the strength to handle this either. Slowly fighting through tears to not turn into audible cries you swallowed them down to close the box. Wiping your cheeks to no avail as more fell, but you stood regardless to hide everything back in it’s place. Looking as if no one had touched it what so ever as you closed it the closet door.

Turning back to the room, you had no plan for the night. Sitting out was a shirt of Jons you had full intentions of sleeping in, but now that seemed wrong too. As if you would taint it, if you hadn’t already. Instead, you didn’t change. Jeans on and all, you just climbed into the large and empty bed. The covers pulling up high over you like a child as you curled into yourself. No one was here, it didn’t matter if you cried yourself to sleep.

It was your fault, you ruined everything. It was too soon, and he’d hate you. He’d think you were ruining his life, or worse, trying to trap him with you. It was terrifying to think that, yet you saw the other side, that he’d look down on you. Think you of stupid for letting this happen by accident. It was your fault after all, you missed it that day. You didn’t even think of it until today that it would have an impact that you missed it.

It was too soon, and you weren’t ready and it didn’t matter if he was either, this was forcing him to be ready. Part of you couldn’t stop thinking about it. What the doctor had said. It was easy, painless. No harder then drinking a glass of water and yet it carried so much weight you felt panic at the sheer thought of it.

But what was worse as you finally fell asleep, your phone not even plugged in and light still on, you had continued to let the tears fall and stain your cheeks. You felt alone, and you knew when Jon came back, you’d feel alone for a very long time. Your only hope was that Robb was telling you the truth, that you could go to him for anything. Because knowing what was to come, if Robb too looked down on you for this as well, you didn’t know if you had a place here anymore.

You wouldn’t know where you’d have a place anywhere.

Jon was certain he was losing his mind. The job out north had been more of a struggle then they anticipated. It was supposed to be simple, make their way to Crasters Keep and sort of a dispute he had been having with the locals not too far south from in in Whitetree. Only to get there and Craster insisted on delaying any way to possibly go through proceedings without issue, because he was far more interested in attempting to argue and insult both Jon and Benjen.

It felt like hours the two men stood there trying to find any way for the man to listen to the point they couldn’t even make it back to the main town in time. Jon and Benjen both had to bribe the man after everything, to let them stay in the inn rooms upstairs if they were out at first light. Now, with what of Tormund and his men he brought settled in for the night, the two men of the Nights Watch found themselves settling in as well in the room.

Starting to undo the belt keeping his sword Longclaw strapped to his side, he didn’t quite put it down with as much care as he should’ve, catching Benjens attention from where he sat across the room on the other small bed. Or, bed was a generous word. More of a slightly nicer decorated cot. “You look exhausted.”

Jon only huffed half a smile with his back turned and a grunt, getting Benjen to grin at how much of an answer that truly was. Following up asking if everything back home was alright, Jon half turned to look at his uncle with a furrow in his brow. Benjen only stating he only looks this fed up when home was involved. Looking back, Jon didn’t quite answer for a minute before he sighed.

Looking up to the nothing on the wooden panel wall in front of him before turning to sit back on the edge of the cot. A hand reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose in thought as to how to sort through everything. “Just a lot going on.” Asking like what, Jon hesitated once more. It certainly was a lot, but what he even wanted to share was questionable. His uncle would sense a lie if he told one, so instead, he settled on a half truth. “Robb and I are trying to sort out some problems we’re having.”

Leaning more back against the wall with his legs outstretched, Benjen looked far more relaxed and willing to engage with the conversation then Jon was. “Ned and I could count on one hand how many times you two have had problems. Same with us. Must be serious if it’s bothering you this much.”

Jon didn’t really look at him, but nodded once as he took his gloves off, all the effort he was willing to put into anything before just wanting to pass out. Or try too. “We-” Cutting himself off with a sigh, Jon looked away even more so before peeking up to see Benjen nothing but calm and patient for Jon to find the right words to his point. Swallowing, he attempted to force through the block in his throat, only making it come out a bit more on the rough side as he said your name, Benjen only raising an eyebrow as Jon elaborated as little as he could get away with. “Something came up about her we disagree on, and both of us let it turn into a fight.”

That certainly was a half truth he know, but the ideas of it were in place. Though, Benjen only got more curious. “What kind of disagreement?” Head tilting when Jon didn’t answer right away, “Jon?”

Shaking his head, Jon hoped the look on his face was passively dismissive. “Nothing worth getting into.” Turning to plug his phone in, he could hear Benjen trying to pry him for more but Jon really did not want to dive into this. Already he regretted saying a word in the first place. “Really, it’s nothing.”

Only looking him over in a scrutiny, Benjen at least knew when not to push. “If you say so, but I’m always open to be complained at.” Jon knew his half smile didn’t reach his eyes but he glanced down to his phone.

Homescreen on display presently, it was a photo he loved. A rare instance he caught a photo of you when you didn’t realize. It was after a long shift not unlike the one he was on now. A brief snowstorm blew though, trapping them there for a few more days until the thaw. Ghost most of all had been on edge to go home. He loved being out in the far north with Jon, but he yearned to be home the way Jon did except the direwolf wasn’t afraid to show it.

Ghost hadn’t come in the house right away, side tracked by his own wolf siblings out in the main yards of the property that he had run over to play with. When he finally came into the house, it was as if he didn’t get out any extra energy at all out there. A loud but playful bark came out as the direwolf almost sprinted up to you. You had been smart enough to kneel down to his level not to be knocked over, and welcomed Ghost with a hug that he excitedly had leaned into. Your face wasn’t really visible from the angle but you were clearly hugging Ghost who was trying to smell you and lick you in greeting right back.

No doubt a similar greeting would follow this time, Craster always made Ghost stay locked up in the kennels when Jon and his men would stay the night and the direwolf hated it. But looking at his phone triggered another memory, one that happened the day before he left for the Wall a few days ago now.

Jon had taken you out for the afternoon into town. Finding a parking space, it was finally warm and sunny out which Jon wanted to take advantage of. You both needed a few things but nothing major or in particular, so you both wandered the town centre where most of the shops were. A store had caught your eye for just long enough you faltered in your steps, catching Jons attention right away. Looking back to you, he tried asking what it was, but you denied it was anything.

Instead, Jon kept you beside with with one arm when you tried to keep going, looking back to where you might’ve seen anything. He knew right away. A long, pretty dress sat in a shops window that was perfect for you. Looking back you tried to give him a glance that said it was fine, but Jon just grinned. Grabbing you by both arms and moving you in front of him to guide into the store. “Maybe I just want to see you in it, did you think of that?”

You rolled your eyes playfully, but the moment you both walked into the quaint shop, a brightly eyed older woman greeted you both enthusiastically. And only grew even more so when Jon right away asked if she had the dress in the window in your specific size to try on. “I certainly do. Let me get it from the back, just one moment.”

Eyes peeling over to Jon in a narrowed expression, he asked what in a knowing tone but playing innocent anyways. “I didn’t mean you had to-”

Cutting you off, he raised his eyebrows as he tried not to grin at what you were about to try and lie around saying. “Didn’t have to what? Buy you a pretty dress?” He knew you would feel silly saying anything against such a simplistic way to put it. Instead of giving you that chance, Jon pulled you more to him to press a kiss to the side of your head. “Let me treat you once in a while.” With the woman bringing the dress out, Jon all but silenced your protests that if was fine, and ushered you into the small fitting room. Knowing when you saw it on you, you’d have harder time telling him you didn’t want it.

As he waited, he felt eyes on him, turning to see the woman watching him almost waiting for something. “We have plenty of things for men as well.” Jon tried to assert he was alright, that his tastes were more simple, she just gave him a look. “We cater to simple as well, I promise.”

She was right, and it was difficult to deny how soft the fabric was. He found it hard to deny her offer that if he sucked it up and bought himself something nice too, she would discount the dress and Jon smirked to himself. She drove a hard bargain, but something about her sweet nature was not easy to say no to. Reminding him a bit of Old Nan, he didn’t say yes but he kept holding onto them which was an answer in and of itself.

The sound of a curtain being pulled caught his attention, seeing you step out just a bit in the dress. The long sleeves and way it flowed just enough below your knees you knew you wouldn’t feel self conscious in it. Your look was hopeful, that he would like it on you but Jons instant smile gave that answer to you. Walking up, he looked you over not even in a needing way, one of almost pure adoration as you looked wide eyed at him. Leaning down muttering playfully, “If you don’t let me buy you that,”

Rolling your eyes in as much of a jest you muttered, “Fine, fine.” Looking down for a moment you saw what he was holding. “Are you getting something?” Jon only brushing it off that it was a few shirts, plain and black and nothing to get excited over when your brows narrowed. A stern tone coming over you suddenly, “You always look handsome in them though, thats reason enough to get excited.”

Pushing you back in the direction of the fitting room, Jon just told you to hurry up, the woman at least picking up on how it was all in jest and not anything pushing. By the time he had paid and gotten you both out on the street again in the sun, thats when it happened. The thing he couldn’t stop thinking about including now.

He and you had been waiting to cross the street to get to where you both would stop to get something to eat. Your eyes were simply glancing around non nonchalantly as much as he was watching between the crossing sign, and on you. That time, he didn’t say anything. Maybe he just couldn’t.

Spotting a store nearby, your eyes softened with something almost wishful painted over them. A tiny little want to smile at what it was before your attention was drawn away by a dog barking across the street. Jon though, stayed looking for a moment.

It was a store he wasn’t familiar with for a reason. Sitting in the window was a display, set up to look like a little nursery. The bedding, the cradle, a little mobile that held different animals hanging from it over top. But inside the cradle, facing the window was a soft looking plush of a wolf. It’s fur a mixture of a light grey to white with some light browns mixed in that reminded Jon of both Nymeria and Lady. Thats what caught your attention. A little nursery with a stuffed wolf plush where the baby would’ve been, and Jon saw that bright look in your eye as you saw it.

He recalled his heart feeling like it wanted to beat out of his chest, how there was no denying that you looked at it all as if wondering a what if. Jon wanted that what if so badly, he wanted it before, he wanted it then, and as he laid there that night, wind howling against the shutters of Crasters Keep, Jon wanted to come home and make it a reality.

Part of him already did. He went back the next day before arriving for his shift. He didn’t go overboard, or buy anything that if you saw right away, would be over stepping. He only went in, asking if the wolf plush was for sale and took it with him. It was presently sat in his work locker, normally where he kept Longclaw and other weapons since he didn’t like taking them home with you living there.

When handing the money over he had hesitated. What would he say to you about why he bought it. But really, there was no rush. Jon would simply wait until maybe one day you two might actually have everything together. You would be ready, Jon would propose and marry you in the Winterfell godswood. And soon after hopefully, when you got pregnant, he’d pretend as if he just bought it as your to be child’s first toy. He didn’t have to tell you he bought it months or years earlier the day after you spotted it in the store. You’d forget about it by then, and he could surprise you.

So to lay there that night, knowing he still had at least a day and a half before seeing you again, it made Jon feel out of his mind. He missed you, and he wanted to see you again, but being away from you was only further feeding into the addiction in his mind that was desperately attempting to fast forward his life with you to the point you had a family. He needed to take his time, but the wolf plush and engagement ring Jon was hiding from you at his station, was only proof to Jon that he was struggling and failing in that endeavour.

This time around, you were at least angry when the tears started.

Shoving the small object into the box along with the papers you previous hid in it, you were shocked it even survived. You sat sat in the bathroom on your side of the house, on the edge of the tub you looked at it for almost five minutes. The stupid little design they chose was condescending. The only one you bought wasn’t even just normal like the others, instead its results were determined by a frustrating smiley face or frowny face.

You stared at that little digital face smiling at you for a long time before it hit you once more how much this was your fault, and took it out on the device. Throwing it harshly against the wall, but all it did was clank against the floor still in once piece. It was fine. The smile was still there, mocking you. So you hid it away as well.

Shoving things back into the closet a little less carefully, you heard a knock at the door as Theon called your name. Almost dropping things suddenly you felt a fluster of fear at being caught, shouting with a rather snapping tone, “I’m busy.” You didn’t hear anything after that as you scrambled to get everything in place as best you could before closing the door to the closet once more.

Why you even bought it you didn’t know. As if that little device would tell you the truth and the doctor was wrong? But no, the device agreed with his assessment and you stood with your hands over your face trying to keep in everything that followed. Inhaling, you only moved them to wipe away the tears as you shook your head trying to collect yourself.

Moving to the mirror, you hastily put your hair back to a messy braid to attempt to clean up how obvious it was you were running your hands through the strands in an anxiety and frustration. Though, it didn’t do much for your expression, but you didn’t have an easy solution for that. That time another knock was heard but followed that time by Robbs voice, more knowing and worried in tone. Your eyes closed long enough to sigh deeply before telling yourself to just face him and apologize for snapping at Theon.

Opening the door, you saw Robb had to turn back, as if he expected your silence meant you were to ignore him as well. Calling your name, he returned close to where you were stood, hand braced holding the door open and the other against the wooden frame with a hesitant look in your eye. “What?”

Head jolting back a little, Robb clearly tried to brush off the tone and not match with that shortness in his approach. “What do you mean, what? I never hear you snap at Theon like that anymore.” Sighing as you looked to the side, your face fell a bit to relent saying you’d apologize. Meaning to move into the hall, that time Robb shot his hand out to brace against the wall in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. “It’s not just that. Somethings been wrong these past few days. Ever since you spent the afternoon with Margaery.” His eyes narrowed, more of a command coming from him expecting you to not leave him in silence. “What happened?”

Both of you knew that you wanted to dismiss it and say nothing happened, but you both also knew that he would not believe that nor could you likely sell it convincingly at this point. “I-” cutting yourself off, you crossed your arms over your front as if protecting yourself from the lack of threat Robb gave. “I’m just off lately. I don’t know, my brain isn’t cooperating I suppose.”

Narrowing his eyes as Robb looked down at you, you wondered once more just how much or how little he believed that. “That why you’ve been hiding yourself away?” Your head peeked up with a question as he softened his gaze towards you. A hand coming to tuck a loose strand you didn’t catch in your braid, behind your ear before cupping your cheek comfortingly. “Love, we’ve barley seen you lately. Is it just missing Jon?”

That had you bite down against your tongue, it was about Jon, but not that really. And Robb caught your pause, how you didn’t seem to know quite how to answer the question. “It’s..not that simple.” Robb tried to catch your gaze more only to hear Theon out in the hall moving about when it dawned on you why he was at your door in the first place. “We don’t have time for this we have to go.”

That time you almost slipped passed him when Robb turned, grabbing you by the upper arm and turning you around to look at him. “Hold on, we have enough time for you to tell me whats going on.” Insisting you didn’t, Robb looked at your uncertainty and seemed to switch tactics. Letting you go before running his hand down your arm in a more soothing manner. “If you’re not up for tonight, you can stay here, it’s alright.”

The only warmth you felt in days came back. The sincerity and worry in his eyes felt like the only ones you would ever see again once this all came out. The reminder that at the very least, maybe just Robb would still have your back even just a little bit. But then you would have to say it, it would have to be real and the consequences would happen no matter what you wanted otherwise. You just wanted life to be normal, and you ruined that. But were you ready to even tell him how much you screwed up? You didn’t know. Instead you shook your head. “It’ll be good for me. Getting out of the house.”

Robb only frowned a little for a moment, looking you over before nodding his head. Surprising you, he pressed a kiss to your forehead before leaning to meet your eyes again. “Remember what I said, you can still tell me anything.” You gave only a half smile and he at least took that effort as enough for the moment if felt.

Turning you back down the hall, Robb guided you almost playfully to where Theon stood at the door. You knew he sensed your rough mood, but in a stroke of luck, played if off if only for the sake of the evening. Looking back to Robb with a jest, “About time you wrangled her up.”

Robb grinned nudging you towards your boots as you turned to glare at him which he caught with a smirk. “Aye, she’s nothing. Could pick her up and place her in the car if we needed.” You ignored that as you put everything on to leave for the night. It was Robbs idea. To get the three of you out of the house for a night, and do something even as simple as seeing a movie. Get all of you some fresh air and hopefully that cleaned out just a bit of the tenseness he knew permeated the whole house.

Luckily, it wasn’t super crowded. You felt that tightness in your chest at how many people were inside, but not so many that you would’ve needed to turn around and leave. You couldn’t even recall what the movie was, not that you bought the ticket for it. Robb gave you that look Jon sometimes did, like you were a fool for thinking you’d be paying with your own money. Walking through you could see where much of the crowds inevitably gathered at the food, only for you to pause.

It wasn’t the smell, even though you certainly noticed it more then ever before. It was the thought. Could you even eat that? What could you eat? Had you ruined things already? Certainly you thought, any of the soda’s was off limits. Heart beginning to pick up, you felt that worry spiral you into standing in place just watching as the two moved thinking you followed. It wasn’t until Theon turned to ask you what you wanted when they noticed. Him tapping Robb on the chest with the back of his hand pointing out you were stood further off.

You didn’t know what either said, only that you muttered to yourself in an embarrassed anger. “Stop it..” But the panic grew and grew, as if they’d question you for wanting nothing when you knew you felt hunger.

Robb approached, hands coming up top your upper arms calling your name, but you didn’t reply. Just wide eyes at him before you tried to shake it off. Instead of letting you speak. Robb held you in place, turning to say something without words to Theon who nodded in reply. Looking back to you, Robb just nodded towards the doors, “Lets go find us three seats, yeah?”

You just nodded, Robb wrapping an arm around you to hold you to his side as he guided you through to the theatre, Theon following shortly with only something for him and Robb. Luckily, Robb had allowed you to sit in silence, a hand occasionally running along your hair and braid as if to remind your panicking self that you weren’t alone. All you could tell yourself over the painful noise, was that Robb still cared, and maybe he would continue if you said it. But you weren’t ready, you would still have to admit it was real.

Looking more playfully at Theon as you felt a bit of yourself calm, you narrowed your eyes without yet having to whisper. “Nothing for the lady, Greyjoy?”

He only huffed a laugh, “Calling you a lady? Really?” You read the joke in his eyes as you reached a foot over cross Robbs to nudge at Theons leg, who when he went to retaliate Robb had to put a stop to it as if trying to force his rowdy children to calm down. “You didn’t look like you wanted anything,” Theons tone changed to something more sincere. “I can go get you something if you really want it.”

Shaking your head, you knew your hunger and nausea and nerves might be the worst mix possible. “I’ll be fine, thank you.” Both men looked at the other, but little yet was said about it. And as more people pooled into the theatre and sat down, they wouldn’t here.

It was fine, you kept telling yourself it was fine. But the anxiety from the previous days had not gone away, it had never lessened. In fact it only grew and grew and despite the theatre around being nothing but dark and quiet it was still too much, all you could see were people everywhere as if they where whispering about you. Or perhaps, your mind was whispering what they would once all found out.

You weren’t married, you weren’t even close to married. You were so far away from such a life that you expected everyone to turn on you if they found out. Nothing calmed your mind and no doubt crying yourself to sleep the night before had not helped in that matter. Not even aware of how much time had passed, you too noticed you had not a clue what was going on in the film playing before you.

Words and dialogue was spoken but none of it entered your mind. No action nor movement really registered. All you could feel was the beating of your heart, the sound of it as if ringing in your ears and it travelling up to your head to make it feel heavy. Your brain foggy as if all you could pick out were the very worst thoughts only there to torment you.

Not having moved an inch in what you didn’t realize was nearly an hour, you had caught the glances of Robb noticing how you only grew more tense not less. Your stomach sat in knots and you only felt a wave of something inside of you as your mind refused not to correlate the two things. The feeling just pangs of hunger and tings from anxiety and yet it only served to remind you what you were hiding and the fear of how soon would it be until you couldn’t hide it anymore.

How along you would be when you did and suddenly the fear waved through you stronger then ever. Your father and mother, they certainly wouldn’t accept it. They wouldn’t let you come back to Dragonstone like that, they wouldn’t allow you to bring that disgrace into their lives. Maybe Renly you thought, he could let you stay in Storms End, he might be the only in your family not to shame you but you had never lived in the Stormlands, and seldom spent time there in many years. You’d be just as alone there.

Before a gasp could leave your mouth in shock, as a hand grabbed your arm did Robb lean over with his other outstretched to run along the back of your hair with a gentle whisper. “Do you want to go?” You shook your head no, but he didn’t buy it. You didn’t want to ruin the night the way you would ruin every single night they all could’ve shared with you in the future. But it wanted to come out so badly. Leaning more he tried again, “Come on, love. Just for a minute, lets get some air.”

Closing your eyes, you inhaled before nodding. Looking over to Theon with his eyes worried on you from what you could see of the bright screen reflecting off of him. Your smile failed to even come out, and he only looked more worried. Robb leaned down to whisper something to him that he acknowledged, before turning back to guide you out of the aisle. Not speaking in the silence as you passed the other seats until you were out the door.

The bright light almost overwhelming for a moment but Robb just guided you out without taking his hands away from you, as if making sure you felt grounded in some way that he was there. Your mind not capable at that moment of knowing Robb recognized the signs on you of a panic attack he knew getting you into fresh air was a safer spot to talk you down.

No one was out in the parking lot save for the cars of those inside, the evening falling over the sky and dimming the light from in there to something bearable out here. Turning you to face him, Robb spoke much more calm and slow for you to hear him. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but you need to breath for me. Slowly.”

Nodding, you tried to do so as you hadn’t let your lungs fill with air reasonably for quite a while it seemed, the inside of your chest straining for more. One after the other, he watched you close to see you come down slowly, but enough you didn’t tip into panic. But, panic was not the only emotion. Panic was one of them, not all of them. Fear was more then just panic, fear was everything else the panic alone hadn’t covered.

Stammering, you felt the warmth in your face explode before being able to stop it as you felt the sting in your eyes collecting it all. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin-”

“You didn’t ruin anything, we’re still out.”

But you shook your head more adamantly, you had and you would. You couldn’t tell him, maybe the last thing you were sure would stand by you would leave too. He was Jons brother, why would he side with you on this over him? His closest companion his whole life compared to you of all people. But it slipped out. Maybe you wanted to say it, maybe your brain was too overwhelmed and mistakened your thoughts alone for speaking it into the air, but you said it as the water collected in your eyes started to freely fall down your cheeks.

“I’m pregnant.”

Robbs eyes grew wide, and your tears fell more. “You’re-” He only cut himself off as you nodded. Ripping yourself from his touch you turned away. Rising your hands up half hidden by your sleeves as if a child, covering your mouth to try and prevent the sound but he still saw the tears. “Does Jon-” Again he cut himself off as you shook your head no, and you could see it dawn upon him in his eyes. “The other day. You weren’t with Margaery, were you.”

Inhaling, you tried wiping away tears but more came and you gave up the idea. “I saw a doctor, I didn’t know, I thought maybe it was just stress but he-” Another moment you covered your mouth to swallow the cries down. “I took a test just to be sure and...” Your eyes went wide at his subsequent silence and realized another fear, you thought Jon may see you that way but Robb could too and without thinking twice you begun stammering through trying to explain yourself. “I didn’t do it on purpose, I promise.”

Robb’s head jolted back that you even assumed he thought that, but you continued before him.

“It was when we went to the wedding, we got there and we had to get ready to go right away and I forgot to take my birth control, and I was a little drunk when we got back and forgot it then too. It was one day, I only missed one day by accident and I-” Turning away again you hid from the cries unable to stop. You ruined everything because of your own stupidity.

Muttering you were sorry, Robb approached behind you with a gentle murmur of your name before turning you to face him. But he didn’t say anything, not at first. Before you could try and hide away, Robb pulled you into his arms. Hiding you in his chest as he almost acted as the thing to keep you away from the world in that moment. Muttering close to your ear as he ran his hand along your spine, “It’s alright, love. It’s alright.”

Just muffled into his front, you tried to keep explaining yourself as if on auto pilot. “I really didn’t mean to, I promise.” Robbs brows furrowed, trying to grasp why you kept worrying that was even something he thought, or any of them would think, but you were too upset to see that.

Pulling back enough, Robb guided you slightly to the side, never letting go as he sat you down on the bench in front of the more garden like display outside the theatre till. Tilting your face to look to him, Robb sat close and kept your eyes on him. “So let me put this together. You and Jon went to the wedding, you forgot to take your birth control that night. Just that one night?” Nodding again you started to say you promised, but he shushed you. “I don’t need you to promise me, love. I believe you. After that one night, you never missed a dose. So it was that one night?”

Nodding, you tried wiping the tears away a bit on one side of your face before Robb let his thumb collect some on the other. Your voice shaky but a bit more stable as you tried to stay breathing evenly. “I never forget..I don’t even know what happened.” Robb tried saying it was simple mistake but you couldn’t get there. “It wasn’t simple. I never forget, and the one time I did, I ruin everything.”

Robb smiled a little, almost just in a tender manner. “You didn’t ruin anything, this isn’t ruining things.” Sighing deeply, he allowed you to look down and away more at your feet for a moment trying to collect yourself but the fog in your brain was too overwhelmed. “One night..so, either you have very bad luck, or us Starks are just that good.”

Your head turned to him with a half glare, as he jested he was only joking. Looking away and back again, you felt more of a headache now that the panic was disappearing. “I don’t know what to do, Robb. It’s too soon..it’s way too soon we’re not ready for this and he won’t want it.” Robb could only ask why you thought that and you shrugged. “We’ve only been dating three months, why would he. He’s going to think that after we went to a wedding I forgot it on purpose to trap him.”

How you got to that conclusion, Robb did not know.

In fact, he was so baffled by the assertion, he laughed. “Love, no one in this world would think you of all people were trying to trap a man with a baby.” You didn’t quite look his way nor appreciate the joke or laugh, but knew he meant to try and lighten the mood for your sake. Wrapping an arm around you, Robb pulled you into his side, running up and down your upper arm as he looked down at you, your hands in your lap fiddling with one another mindlessly. “What did he say? The doctor, about what to do next?”

Your brain jumped to that horrible conclusion that he suggested worried Robb was too. “He said if I wished, he could prepare Moontea for me...” Robb slowly spoke, guessing you weren’t comfortable with that. But you hesitated, a voice hardly sounding like yours spoke quiet and meek. “Maybe it would make things easier. I could go tomorrow..and Jon would never have to know..”

“But do you want that?”

You didn’t know what you wanted, you were too tired and upset to consider that. “I just don’t want this to end. Jon will hate me for ruining his life, everyone else will too. My own father and mother would like rather disown me then take me in when they find out.” Robb only asking why you’d have to even go to them, and you muttered the answer not brave enough to look him in the eye. “Jon won’t want me living there anymore, and I don’t know why you or Theon would either.”

Sighing out, Robb muttered your name causing you to look over at him. His eyes bright in the evening light making the blue stand out more. “You want to keep it, yeah?” You nodded, shyly, only once, and didn’t look him in the eye. “Then you keep the baby, and we figure out what to do to make sure you’re both healthy from now on.” Looking confused to him, Robb only explained gently. “No one in my family would send you away for this. You’re staying right here, with us. Where we can take care of you, and the baby when it comes to it. Jon included.”

“But Jon-”

Robb cut you off without skipping a beat. “Jon is not going to break up with you, or hate you for this. I promise. He comes home tomorrow night, and you tell him. And you’ll see.”

In truth, you completely doubted that. Everything you put Jon through, and you do this to him right when his life was getting to such a good point and you both were finally enjoying your time being together for the first in your lives. You coming to him with this was trapping him, but you knew if you didn’t tell him, Robb would. And you could only guess such news would not go over so well if it came from him.

You still couldn’t believe you had done this to him. His first relationship in a long time that Jon seemed actually happy in, and you were about to ruin all of it. Maybe Robb was right and he wouldn’t hate you, but he wouldn’t want to be with you after this. Why would he want this? Raising a baby out of wedlock, people looking at the child as if her mother was some harlot. You had not properly preyed to the Seven in a long time, but you thought not even they would be merciful to you at this point.

Looking back up to Robb, you felt the tears possibly start to dry up. “Thank you.” Catching his gaze that had been looking out to the night, you elaborated. “For not getting mad at me..or turning me away.”

Asking why he’d do that, you just shrugged again as he let his hand not around you, reach over to run thus thumb over your cheek, feeling the now drying tears under the skin. “No matter what happens, love, I’ll be here. I promise.” Pulling you close to leave another kiss to your forehead, Robb kept you leaning there for a while until a voice spoke out.

Calling your name you sat up straighter looking to Theon, “You alright?”

You nodded, but his eyes flickered to Robb. They seemed to say something to one another as if Theon understood something, but you tried to play any of it off. “I didn’t mean to keep you two from the movie..I just..needed a minute.”

Theon only shrugged, tossing Robbs jacket at him and carefully handing yours to you with much more care. “Movie was boring anyways. I’m thinking we order something in, the three of us can play something at home where we don’t have to pay attention.”

Both looked at you in a patience waiting for you to answer, looking between them with that realization. “You’re asking me?” Theon laughed saying yes as if teasing you for such an obvious thing. “That sounds good, I think.”

“You think?” Your face looking back up to Theon, who helped pull you up onto your feet as Robb put his jacket on. “You better be sure, because it’s the pizza place you like so much we’re ordering from.” Before you could even ask why order for your sake, Robb had moved around you to put your jacket on as if a parent dressing a child as Theon only looked at you flatly. “You don’t think I can tell you’ve been crying, Baratheon?” You felt a flush right away that he noticed, but Theon only pulled a more casual arm around you to drag you with him into the parking lot as Robb followed. “Of course we’re ordering something you like.”

All but forcing you to sit in the front with Robb, you knew both were treating you a bit with kid gloves but for once you had nothing to protest about it. The fear coming from never having this kind of softness again with Jon perhaps influencing you to let Robb and Theon be softer with you then normal, in case once Jon came home tomorrow, it was all over for good.

Jon knew something was wrong, but not this of all things.

When he first pulled into the driveway, no one yet was home. Still early enough that the other would be at work. You might be as well, but Jon knew that wouldn’t be such a big deal. Turning everything off, he hand turned back to look at Ghost, who had been happily slumbering away on the drive home. Only with his head perking up, did the direwolf shift eager to stretch his legs. “You want to run around a bit first before going in?” Ghost only slightly tilted his head, an indicator to Jon as good as a yes. A small grin on his face as he pulled his keys from the ignition. “I thought so.”

Stepping out first, Jon gave a wide space for Ghost to jump out. Shaking his fur before looking up to Jon for reassurance. Only nodding his head to the side, did Ghost give a small bark and take off, no doubt already seeking the scent of his own wolf siblings. Getting in the front door, the house was mostly quiet. A distant sound far off of typing, but coming from the living room Jon guessed instead of the office space, once your room, you had chosen to take advantage of the weather. In each room the windows were all open, the curtains blowing in the cool breeze.

Putting his keys down, Jon already could imagine it. You sat on one of the couches by the window, your feet up on the coffee table with your laptop sitting on you as you typed away, no doubt forgetting the coffee beside you for so long it grew cold. Probably had earbuds in, not always listening to music but sometimes just to immerse yourself in the quiet. Pulling off the heaviest layers on him first to put into the side closet, before making his way over to you.

He was partially right, you were placed right where he imagined, but no drink in sight. You also didn’t look quite as content as he imagined. An exhaustion on your face with a frown that felt as if it was etched there for quite a while before he arrived. Murmuring your name, you looked up almost in a startled gasp before realizing. Pulling your ear buds off, but not making a move towards him yet. “You’re back early.”

A slightly bemused look came over him, pulling his phone out briefly just to look at the time. “Not so early.” Your eyes glanced down to the screen to check the time and your face fell a bit to relent he was right. Chuckling, Jon made his way over to you instead, sitting down as he let his arm stretch across the top of the couch just above you as he leaned more into your side. “You’re having fun.”

You made a small laugh in your chest, the page open on your screen just an abundance of numbers attached to a few scattered names. Shrugging a shoulder, your voice was quieter then he expected, almost a bit on the weary side which Jon was sure you didn’t think he had noticed. “It isn’t as exciting as what you do, I will give you that.” A grunt just came from his chest as you looked at him, “What?”

Jons eyes lit up almost playfully as he looked back at you. “Too much fun if you ask me. Had to go out and deal with Craster again.” Slowly you closed the laptop, sitting it off to the side as you listened to him continue with an exhaustion so prevalent in his bones. “I think he’s the only one north of the Wall who cares that I’m a Snow.” Your own face fell, a frustration he could identify on you for many years when others had brought it up. “Most people here keep it to themselves, but he never does. I never hear anyone call me bastard so much then when I’m dealing with him.”

Shifting in your seat a bit, you moved so you could pull your legs close and sit more with your feet under you, Jon reacted right away by sitting more at an angle you could lean into him better, the furrow in your brow rather cute to him in comparison to your words. “He has no right to judge anyone else for who they are, the kind of man he is. Didn’t he marry his daughter once?”

Jon looked down at you with more wide eyes, “Who told you that?”

Briefly your eyes flickered to the side trying to figure out an answer but settled on the truth. “Karsi might have mentioned it once. Is it true?” Jon only shook his head with a sigh, pulling you closer into his side muttering that he was not about to get into all of that. “That isn’t a no...”

Chuckling more, Jon turned to press a kiss into the side of your hair before using his free hand to reach up, tucking some loose strands behind your ear as his voice lowered to a rasp. “What about you? You said something the other day about being bored without me?” Normally, Jon knew you’d have an easy answer to that or a teasing joke, but instead for a moment you hesitated. Saying nothing as your eyes drifted to the side as if figuring something out on what to tell him.

“Saw Margaery a few days ago. Saw a movie last night.” Asking what it was, Jon too noticed you didn’t have the answer right away. Trying to think on it before playing it off. “I don’t remember, it wasn’t that good, we ended up coming back and just playing something for the night instead.” When asked who you specified Theon, Robb, and yourself as Jon nodded. Quickly changing subjects it felt, you looked a bit more enthusiastic finally. “They both said they’d be home late tonight, so I was thinking we could make something together?”

Your eyes lit up, almost hopeful as if he would say no, which was laughable to him. “Love to.” A small smile, Jons hand still by your cheek, he ran his thumb over the soft skin for a moment, before slipping his fingers under your chin to tilt your head up. Almost obeying his silent command, your eyes slipped closed before he even made a substantial move. Starting off slow and chaste, Jon kissed you just savouring the feeling of your lips against his after far too many days gone. Running that hand more over your hair to keep you pressed to him, he kept it soft and delicate. Something in the tender way you responded wasn’t as eager as you normally would be, and Jon felt no need yet to rush you into things.

Pulling back once, then twice, Jon could tell that you had barley even tried moving your hands over to him, only glancing down when he finally pulled away the third time. Quick enough that he spotted his confirmation before your eyes even opened. Hands almost nervously trying to keep to themselves as if Jon wasn’t happy to freely grab at you the way he needed. But not yet did he point it out, just something he stored in wonder. Pressing a kiss to your forehead, he rasped gently, “Let me at least change into something other then this, don’t get anything started without me.”

You though, had a different idea on what that meant. Only taking a few minutes, you were not even where Jon left you. Instead you had gotten up, moved into the kitchen and he heard the sounds of you gathering things to start prepping with. Just shaking his head with an amusement, he rounded the corner to see you focused on looking through the higher cupboard for whatever you needed. Coming up behind you without a word, Jon grabbed at your hip to steady you with one hand, and reached up with more ease with the other to get it for you. Putting it down as you muttered a thank you, but Jon just pulled your hair all the way back and over the opposite shoulder he stood at.

Grabbing both of your hips, he leaned down more towards your ear as you got started. “What did I say about starting without me?” You didn’t look, only a slightly playful mutter that you were doing prep, not starting the meal when Jon rolled his eyes. Pressing a kiss to your neck to mutter along it, “Same thing, darling.”

Jon could only be eternally grateful that the other two would be gone until late, giving Jon full, free reign to be as affectionate with you as he wanted. Always looking for an excuse to touch you in some way, brush a hand over you, sometimes if you were in the way, just picking you up by the hips and moving you slightly to the side no matter how flustered it made you.

By the time Ghost came inside, you looked over at him almost in a knowing disbelief. “You have an impeccable timing, you are aware of that?” If a direwolf could smile, Ghost was doing it. Coming closer, the nudged his head into your legs, making you laugh. “Alright, alright.” Jon knew the small bowl you sat out had been for him, you the weakest of any of them here when it came to giving into the direwolves asking for some kind of treats. Ghosts being very simple but very specific. He liked cooked meat, and especially when you would kneel down and let him gently feed from your hand. Almost like in the wild trying to earn the trust of an animal, but this one would bonk himself into you after for more pets.

Jon put the knife in his hand down to kneel as well. Running a gentle hand around Ghost’s ears as he ate what was in your hand. “I know, I missed her too.” Your eyes flickered to catch his for a moment, something soft like a smile wanting to come over you but it didn’t reach you the way you thought it did. It was meek and not so whole in a hesitant sort of way. But with Ghost in front of you, it was wiped instantly as you laughed again as Ghost made a small whining noise as a stand in for a thank you. Jon tilted his head to the side, “You know the rule.”

Turning on a dime, Ghost knew he wasn’t allowed inside the kitchen when food was being prepared outside of being given a treat. Instead he would always circle in place, and lay down right at the edge of the kitchen and hallway. Only his front paws and head were crossing the line dividing the room as the rest were outside but he always watched. When Grey Wind would some times join him it was impossible to easily leave the room, having to climb awkwardly over the direwolves who refused to budge now that they were cozy.

It itched at Jon again. Something was off. You would talk, and joke and smile with him as usual, but something about it felt..distant. Almost sad. As if you were a light dimming a bit but pretending you were running perfectly fine. He didn’t pry, he didn’t want too. Not yet. Something seemed it was bothering you, but you two had the evening to yourselves and you wanted to enjoy it. Trying to get passed where he had stood in the moment, you had slipped behind him, hands braced somewhat against his back and sides asking if he could see if it tasted good.

You meant what you had on the stove, but Jon took a bit more of a playful route since he could freely yank you about. Grabbing your arm and turning you to him, Jon cupped your cheek and spared no thought to press his lips to yours. Your hands grabbing at his sides almost to steady yourself in suprise. It was deep and more needing then before. Running his tongue along your bottom lip as it an ask, he only just barley let his tongue slip into your mouth. Brushing so lightly against yours before pulling back and slowly turning things back down before muttering against you. “Perfect.”

Trying to pull away, Jon only grabbed you by the hip to keep you there as he smirked down at you trying to not look at him, as you now felt more flustered. “I meant the food..”

Jon pulled you back for one more, quicker but more urgent and rough just as swiftly ending it. “I know.” His smirk growing wider as you tried to turn away rather bashful to set the table. Humouring you, Jon didn’t even know why you needed him to try, it was always good.

He remembered the first time ever tasting your cooking. You were teenagers, and a class you took you were supposed to prepare a meal for a date. Jon had turned to look at you with a very amused grin only for you to get very flustered. Saying that it was for a specific class, and the challenge was not to make something you were comfortable with but to choose a scenario at random and make something fitting for it.

But, you were nervous about it being bad. During one afternoon, Jon took a time he knew you had no class, knowing he could drive you back in time for your next one to do this while no one was home. You had asked what about him and Jon said little about skipping for this purpose. You didn’t let him do anything, just fussing around the kitchen with a very determined look in your eye and a scowl that seemed to appear specifically when you were focused and concentrating.

Too nervous to even try yourself, you stood against the counter watching him try it, almost hiding your face in your too long for your arms, sleeves. He recalled almost telling you that he could fall in love with you all over again, but catching that it would mean admitting he was in love with you at all in the first place. It was better then he imagined for how nervous you were. Your parents rarely every let you in the kitchen and Jon assumed you had no experience outside of the specific class you were taking.

Instead he had muttered between bites that any guy would fall in love with you easy if you fed them this during a date. It came out of Jon a bit easier, you were two years younger then him at fourteen and mumbled a very flustered, “Shut up.” Before sitting down so you could actually enjoy what you made with him. Ever since, it was as if you loved to cook for people. The Starks were more then happy to have you over and make something, knowing it was the only time you could use a kitchen outside of school.

It translated to now, how often even though all four of you had a rotation schedule of who makes dinner on what nights, you ended up either starting it yourself, or making the whole thing. So many times growing up did his family make jokes towards you that if you cooked for guys for a date, you wouldn’t be single for much longer. You never acknowledged it beyond a bit flustered over it, but it didn’t come true anyways.

You only went on scattered one off dates, so few Jon wasn’t even sure you’d need two hands to count how many, that was until Karl Tanner. Part of Jon felt a bit tense thinking about it, how much you also were used to doing all of this because he made you do it. Tanner didn’t seem a man who was happy to cook with you, or do much of anything with you let alone for you.

Trying to do everything still, Jon reached over grabbing both plates in your hands from you muttering in your ear from behind, “Let me do this, go sit.” You turned to look at him almost asking if he was sure, but Jon just nodded towards the table as his answer.

You were avoiding something. The way anytime Jon even remotely tried to get close to figuring out what was wrong, what had your mind so preoccupied before you changed the subject entirely. Truthfully, Jons only plans had been to hopefully get you into a bath before just laying with you on the couch, enjoying the quiet for once. But you didn’t seem quite to the point where relaxing would could naturally to you.

Helping you clean up, Jon didn’t quite let you go in time for you to again scurry about nervously. He wasn’t going to interrogate you, but he grasped at your hips, keeping you pressed up against the counter with his chest warm against your back. “Darling, settle.” Your brows furrowed for a moment as he elaborated. “You’ve been running around the moment I got back. I want you to relax.” Slowly pulling your hair from one shoulder out of his path, he leaned down pressing his lips gentle to your neck.

A soft sigh left you at first. One then another, each press of his lips found a new spot creating a path downward. His hands slunk down enough to the bottom of your shirt, only sneaking upward enough to run across your bare skin as you shivered in his touch.

Slowly, Jon continued to raise his hands, pulling against your shirt inch by inch until it sat just below your breasts. Suddenly, did you jolt. Not severe, and not far, but enough that it caught Jons attention for him to run them back down. Murmuring your name, you just whispered an apology. “I’m sorry..just..not here.”

No one was in the house, nor outside to see you both, but he nodded. “How about a bath at least? I just want an excuse to have you close.” Why you hesitated he wasn’t sure, but he didn’t think the reason was him. It was almost something insecure inside you, but you agreed anyways. Turning you, Jon led you down the hall, prompting you into the bathroom first. Kissing the back of your head, he muttered, “Stay right here.”

Moving into his room, Jon had an idea come to him. Somewhere he knew when he had encouraged you to move things into his room, he had seen something in a box you had yet to bring back out. Some sort of oils he remembered you said were to help you relax, and figured maybe it would help soothe your mind just a little bit. Opening his closet door though, where he noticed it should be, everything seemed dishevelled. Normally that side of the closet was rarely even touched, he could practically draw where everything was.

Now it was all scattered. Put away hastily which he didn’t do, but it didn’t seem like something you would do either. So much more organized even then he was. Reaching upwards, Jon attempted to shift things off to the side for now to just get what he needed and fix it later, but something was shoved up on the shelf poorly, and sat on top of the fabric he was moving. The tug from the fabric made it fall down, but too came something harder with it.

The object on top of one corner, a small box with a flick up lock, smashing down to the ground it didn’t break apart but the contents of it fell to the floor and scattered around. Jon didn’t recognize it, kneeling down he flipped it upright with one hand, picking up some of the things with his other. Small trinkets and handmade things, little stags included and he knew this was something of yours he had never seen before.

Glancing backwards to the partially closed door, Jon tried to put everything back so you wouldn’t be embarrassed he accidentally found this stash of innocent secrets. Only as he reached for something, it took him off guard. A folded piece of paper with the words hidden on the inside sat atop a white object. His mind sent into an alert right away, he knew what that looked like. Reaching out, he grasped it and pulled it towards him as his other held the paper.

Jon knew what it was, but didn’t confirm his suspicions until he flipped it over. There wasn’t much too it, just a white plastic sort of material with a small screen on it with a few tiny cracks which looked fresh, likely from the fall just now. But on the screen wasn’t words or anything, but just a smiley face.

But, Jon wasn’t stupid. He knew what he was looking at. Almost without thinking Jon opened the paper, seeing your full name and information scattered across it, and it just confirmed exactly what the rest of it said. The date stated the day you said you were out with Margaery, you were at a doctors. Getting these results. He didn’t know which of these came first but they matched.

Everything in him felt frozen. This is what you were trying to hide, this is what had you nervous and on edge. Suddenly your voice came through, a gentle but concerned tone calling his name as you poked your head through the door. “I heard-”

He wasn’t even looking back at you. Crouched on the ground, neither of you could deny what Jon had found. You said nothing as he did, but for two every different reasons. Jon felt something almost numb in shock as you stood with something growing in fear.

A fear turning to panic that almost changed to tears right away. You wanted at least one night. One single night you both could just be alright together, one night you didn’t have to think about losing him but Jon found it anyways and now you didn’t even have that. This was it. The last of it, and you didn’t even get to enjoy what little of Jon you’d ever have again before it all fell apart.

The sensation rising in your face, you rose your arms up, trying to hide the need to cry behind your long sleeves but it was obvious. Standing slowly, Jon held both, looking at you with an expression you now had no idea how to read. Something dark and not normal, something which told to you he was having a reaction that you had never seen before. His voice spoke low, slowly, with a rough strain in it as if he was barley containing whatever lay behind it. “Is this true?”

You didn’t speak. You couldn’t speak. Only a nod did tears start then, hating that you couldn’t last to hold off. He’d just accuse you of everything you feared, and now using tears to try and get sympathy. “I-” It cut itself off, the words. You had said it last night to Robb, but this wasn’t last night. This was Jon, and Jon wouldn’t have the same reaction. It wasn’t Robbs life you ruined by telling him, but Jons was about to be.

Hands dropping to wring together, almost letting your nails just dig right into the skin of each opposite hand, you failed to find anything to justify this. Anything that would make him feel better. And when you did, you could only settle on one meek little promise in a small voice that made you feel pathetic for even needing to say it. But if he hated you, you wanted him to have one thing. “I didn’t do it on purpose..I promise..”

Jons expression looked completely taken back. “You prom-” Cutting himself off, he looked possibly angry but you weren’t sure anymore. Wanting to turn and run away and never come back but your anxiety had your feet glued in place. The silence so heavy and thick between you both, Jon finally found actual words, a breathless disbelief you couldn’t decipher. “You’re pregnant?”

“I didn’t know until,” Trying to speak through the feeling bubbling in your throat of wanting to cry. “Until the doctors, I thought it was stress..I forgot to take my birth control-just one night I promise, it was an accident. We were at the wedding and I was so distracted and then-” Covering your mouth again as if smothering the cry once more, you knew it was pointless as your cheeks were flowing with tears. “I’m so sorry, I am. I didn’t mean to do this.”

Jon only looked at you with wide eyes before dropping his head down to look at the papers and pregnancy test once more. His voice hardly there but not in the same pathetic way yours was. “Darling, if this is a joke-”

That time you cut him off, but no intimidation was found as you cried it out louder. “Jon, it’s not a joke. And I’m not trying to pressure you, I didn’t want to do this to you, okay? I’m sorry.” Your mouth started to move faster then Jons brain could keep up. “I’ll move out, this doesn’t have to be your problem, I’ll get rid of it if you really want,”

That caught Jons attention. Brows furrowing, Jon suddenly almost tossed both objects onto the dresser to the side of him, muttering your name so much more softly then before. Your eyes seeking his but struggled to understand what he was saying so silently beyond the tears.

Before you could even comprehend what he was doing, Jon had closed the gap between you both. Grabbing your cheeks, Jon almost roughly pressed his lips to yours. Stealing the suprise and uncaring that he could feel the tears under his palms. Over and over he kissed you, refusing to let you go, his hold on your cheeks tight as it desperate for you not to have a chance to escape. Soft lips kissing you deeply, your hands barley confident enough to sit at his shoulders while Jon nearly growled into your mouth at the overwhelming feeling inside of him.

Nibbling at your bottom lip, Jon suddenly bit down as if demanding you grant him access. Sliding his tongue into your mouth at your gasp, he brushed it along yours, not giving you the chance to explore him back as he overwhelmed you. Your nails dug into his shoulders, almost too scared to kiss him back the way he was to you. A hand slid from your cheek up grasp tightly your hair by the back of your neck. All but yanking your head upward as he took a step closer to you, leaning down to kiss you roughly, he felt and heard your gentle whines at the sensation only encouraging him more.

Never parting until he knew you needed air desperately, he made you look back up at him, your eyes still full of tears ready to cry but now they were paired against Jons bright grey ones looking at you as if he had seen a miracle performed before his eyes by the gods themselves. “You’re really pregnant?” Nodding, Jon pulled you close that time, all but hiding you in his neck as he buried his face in your hair, your arms grasping so gently at his sides afraid you were going to misread all of this.

Muffled against him, you felt an odd feeling of whiplash. The opposite reaction of what you had been expecting. “It’s too soon, I didn’t want you to think I was rushing into this.” Jon just laughed though, turning to press a kiss to the side of your head before pulling back. Keeping you close he cupped your cheeks, that time his eyes bright and with something gleeful in them you’d never seen before and a smile genuine.

“Darling, you think you’re rushing into this? I’m the one who was talking about you being pregnant first remember?” You only commented that you assumed you and Tormund were joking, and what you had said was little more then teasing to lighten the tension that night. Pulling you for another kiss as if he couldn’t help himself before more of a laugh came from him, his warm breath dancing across your lips as if tempting you right back. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.”

You felt a bit breathless, either from such lashing emotions or from the kiss itself but you huffed a bit of a strained laugh. “With me?”

Jon laughed more gentle, turning you to look up at him more. “Of course you, who else?” You had no answer for that and he shook his head in bemusement. “Listen, I know we didn’t plan this, but we’re together now. And we do this together, no matter what you want us to do about it.” Neither of you said what he meant out loud, but the implication was there. The reason behind both were different, and maybe it was too fresh or raw now to dive into it right away. “Does anyone else know?”

You shook your head for the majority, “Only Robb. Last night I started having a panic attack over it, and it just slipped out.” Jon was more quiet, but kept you close as your hands finally drifted more upwards to rest along his torso. Asking in a low, controlled voice what he said, but you felt no reason to mince words, it had been a great comfort to have him there last night. Repeating most of it in a summarized version, he listened intently. “He tried telling me too, that you weren’t going to be mad or break up with me..but I guess I didn’t really listen to that part.”

Sighing deeply, Jon turned your head down to press a kiss to your forehead. Saying nothing for a moment, you could only hope this was going to help ease what tension they had if only for a little while. By the time he found his words, Jon gently ran his nose down the length of yours. “I still want my girl with me in a bath. Talk about this somewhere more comfortable.” Nodding gently, he kissed you just as gentle and chaste before leading you back out to the hallway.

Ghost stood at the end staring intently, and while you looked curious Jon only spoke in a more stern voice, “Ghost go easy on her.” You turned back to raise an eyebrow at him only to be ambushed by Ghost suddenly trying to run into you. Kneeling down the both of you, you pet him profusely as you looked over at him in question. Tilting his head a bit in lieu of a shrug he explained, “I wasn’t the only one who missed you these past few days, but I think I know why he did so much now.” Reaching over to run his hand over the direwolves ears he jested, “Couldn’t give me a heads up, boy?”

Only licking Jons hand in response, you both gave a laugh before he send Ghost off again, guiding you into the bathroom and locking behind. The tub filling with water, you sat gently on the edge of it to dip your hand into it with a look up to him in asking, “Little cold for your taste.”

Leaning more down over you, Jon grabbed you by the chin to pull you close, “I have to be careful now with you. Both of you.” A small fluster came over you but Jon left a gentle kiss to your lips before adding everything else. Sure of it’s heat, Jon grabbed your hands, lifting you to your feet as he held you now by your hips. Hands trailing to your shirt to toy with the edges again, that time he waited for your shy nod to lift it up and over you. Not bothering to waste, he undid the clasp at the front of your bra, letting it fall free down your shoulders and arms to the ground.

One hand ran over the sensitive skin on your neck, trailing downward to your collarbones, tracing the curve of your breasts before letting two of his knuckles trail along your stomach. “Better enjoy it now, Snow.” Looking back up at you as you shrugged. “I don’t know when I’m going to look like this again for quite a while.”

Jon only rolled his eyes playfully. Skipping down to your pants and dragging them down your legs with everything else following in his grasp. Bare in the room, your feet always just on the edge of cold wanting to get in but you weren’t ready yet. Grabbing the edge of Jons shirt, you took much more care as you pulled it up and off him. Making sure it rested on the counter beside you both, before kneeling down.

You thought little of it, but Jon made the mistake of glancing to the side. The large mirror showing an imagine that had his insides burn. All you were doing was undressing him for a bath, but on your knees, undoing his jeans before slowly pulling them down his legs with a partially obscured view of you from the counter, it looked more obscene.

Half hard already, you meant to stand but his length gave you pause. Hands braced on his thighs, you looked up with bright eyes with a question i them. Only shaking his head, you read his words and murmured back, “You’ve only ever let me do it once.”

“You’ve been scared I was going to make you leave, do all of this pregnant and alone. I’m not going to make you do something like this for me right now.” Pulling you up to your feet, Jon ran his hands along your bare skin before moving you both to enjoy the warm water. Jon taking great cares to make sure at the first stop, he had you straddling his lap to face him, your hands resting on his shoulders as his hid beneath the waters along your waist and hip.

Words were quiet between you both, neither feeling the need to speak any louder then only for the others ears despite no one else even being home. Your hands toying with his loose curls, you brought it up first. “Jon, you’re certain you want this? With me? Now?”

Nodding, Jon continued his hands path of running along your bow wet and bare skin in the perfect position for him. “I promise. Is that why you said that? That you’d get rid of it if I wanted?” Nodding, you let your arms wrap more around the back of his neck and Jon shifted to sit more upright. Pulling you to rest your forehead against his as he now played with your hair and the wet strands long down your back hitting the water.

Your voice came out smooth, but a blatant insecurity sat within it’s depths. “The doctor noticed I was upset, and offered me moontea.” Jon sat more rigid in your touch but allowed you to continue. “I was so scared you were going to be mad at me that I started to think, maybe it would’ve been better if I went back to the doctors for it, and then you’d never have to know..and you wouldn’t hate me.”

Jon was deathly quiet before more of a hiss came out. “Fuck.” Pulling you back up, Jon shifted you closer to him to ensure you kept his gaze. “Did you want that?” Shaking your head no, he exhaled shakily, before returning to toy with your hair. “Good. I know this is your choice and all but, if I didn’t know and only found out after you had..I’d almost be tempted to ask if you wanted to try but on purpose. Just so you understood how happy this would make me.”

Inhaling deeply, you let a hand run down his torso with following, innocent eyes. “When do we tell everyone else?” Reaffirming that Robb already knew, Jon put it out there that you already had a doctors confirmation, so you could tell everyone when you were ready. “Who do we start with?”

Jons idea was bold, and you took it as bold but he said it nothing more then a man very sure of himself. “Everyone.” Laughing gently at your wide eyes, he cupped your cheek, thumb running over the skin he found, leaving a gentle trace of water each path. “I know that sounds like a lot, but they’re my family. I want them to know. And it’ll be easier to get it over with in one go instead of making you go through all of them individually. Besides, once they know, it’ll be easier to figure everything out.”

Asking about your family, you shook your head as a wince came over you. Looking to the side in a lack of anticipation. “My father will just about disown me for it. My mother too. Shireen will be excited at the least.” A gentle laugh, Jon ran his hand more along the hair by your neck saying that even if they do, you had all the family you need right here.

“I want to move us into the house. I’ll ask my father about it, but I want you to be with people who can take care of you, more then just me, Robb, and Theon.” You bit on your lip a little, only to have him draw you back up, “We’ll stay there while your pregnant, and for a while when the baby is born to see what we want to do next.”

You didn’t really answer, but he understood your nod. You didn’t want to intrude, but you did certainly underestimate how much the Starks would be elated about the news for the most part. For a while the bath was peace. You and Jon too turns slowly cleaning off the other. You didn’t have to move from his lap to do his hair. His black curls long but not so much you couldn’t reach all of him.

Jon did have to turn you in his lap though for your hair. Gently running through each lock with a care, not leaving any bit unattended too. You had run your nails along his scalp, and in return, Jon spent much time almost massaging your own head and neck to keep you at peace before rinsing it all out. His hands greatly lingered there, taking advantage to sift through each wet strand as if fascinated by your hair.

Not yet leaving, Jon kept you pulled back against his chest. One hand wrapped high around your collarbones, the other slid around you to press down against your stomach. Nothing there and wouldn’t for a while, but he refused to leave the spot, as if wanting to know what you felt like so he could detect the moment you begun to slowly change. As if he was looking forward to it, despite that idea making little sense to you.

You’d be the smallest for a while now, why he didn’t want to savour that was beyond you.

Slowly you felt the hand on your collarbone leave you. Tracing downwards, you made a hum of a noise in question, but Jon leaned down to your ear. His warm rasp just shushing you. Reaching your breasts, he made a detour. Grasping the one closest to that hand, you leaned back into Jons touch, a silent cry wanting to turn vocal only coming out as a tiny whine in your chest. More and more he groped your breast, rougher and greedier before grasping at your nipple. Just enough of a pressure out that had that small cry leave you to something much louder in the air.

The hand on your stomach finally left, trailing downward between your legs, you felt Jons cock harden more behind you as you instinctively spread your legs for him. A sharp inhale against your ear as he more rested the side of his head close, to watch right over your shoulder down at your form, partially hidden by water.

Matching the treatment of your nipple, Jon skipped easing you into it. Seeking your clit, he put a hefty pressure down onto it, seeking a faster, rougher pattern that had your muscles tense in his touch. The feeling shooting a current through your body and blood that warmed your core awake to twist in that burning need. Your thighs naturally wanting to press together, you only had another wave as Jon rasped low and deeply, “Spread your legs for me, darling.” Only to send a shiver down your spine as you did so, and he rewarded you with something unfair. “Good girl.” Biting your lip trying not to be loud, every rough pull he gave to your nipple did Jon respond by putting even more pressure to you clit.

That wave flowing towards you so fast and even in the water you could tell you were growing more and more worked up for him, and he would learn that the moment he dared trail further. More and more your lungs burned, trying to contain it but you felt a warmth grow between your legs and upwards to your core in such a need. Were you not so willing to take anything Jon gave you, you might’ve been inclined to beg for more. But you didn’t, you never would and he knew it. You’d only ever take what Jon gave you and you’d be happy to do so.

Two fingers traded places against your clit as the previous begun seeking that very path. Even in the water, barley brushing against you he exhaled deeply against your ear. “You can’t be this worked up for me already.” But you nodded, muttering needing that you were, you always were for him. Leaving your breast, Jons other hand took over at your clit to give his right free space.

Two thick fingers sinking deep inside of you as he rubbed tight circles against you, dragging against your sensitive walls inside of you, you felt as if you soaked him more then the water did. Perhaps so, only growing more and more wet between your legs feeling him sink in and out of you, your legs struggling to stay wide open for him, and he knew it. Suddenly pausing only long enough, Jon used his advantage of laying out like this to wrap his foot around your ankles, each side. A gasp left you in surprise as he sunk deep to the knuckles inside of you again, barley leaving before sinking right back. “I know, darling, I know. You’re trying to be good, I’m just helping you.”

You weren’t even sure what you were nodding at, but all you felt was the burning against your clit, the feeling as he dragged his fingers in and out of and him keeping your legs locked open for him by force only had your head lean back against him with a gentle moan.

Slowly dragging in and out, you felt yourself clenching around his fingers. Taking his time to make you endure the feeling, your heart begun to pick up. Lungs working harder and harder and each breath begun to feel as if it came out needier and higher pitched. He never picked the pace up, but it felt fast to you. Your insides twisting within your core, warming like a fire wound tightly around you ready to snap at anytime. But your hands reached out, grasping along his forearm of the hand still roughly rubbing tight, small circles to your clit.

You didn’t know if you were allowed. It had been a sick game for Jon for weeks. Ever since the night of the wedding, Jon hadn’t allowed you to cum that night, nor any night since. Seeing how long you could hold off for him, and even worse, because he knew you’d never try to do it on your own when he was gone. He and you were both well aware how little you explored yourself in such a fashion, he didn’t even need to order you not to do it, he knew you wouldn’t anyways.

It always had a purpose, a meaning. He did it to make you needy, and it would work. When he’d finally let you cum, you’d cling to him as much as you could needing him close. But before now, it had only been days. He’d never made you go on like this for so long, and yet now that you felt so close so quickly you felt that fear that you’d fall over that edge without permission. Biting down against your tongue previously, you only opened your lips with a meek ask. Never for more, only this for his sake. “Jon, I can’t- you need to stop.”

His hands did, stopping within a second, not moving or withdrawing from your soaking walls, but a suddenly worry and urgency in your ear rasping, “Whats w-”

Cutting him off, you only felt Jons length twitch against you from behind as hard as it was. Your words almost begging but somehow innocent. “I can’t hold back this time..” He was silent, trying to figure it out when you tried leaning your head into his touch a bit more behind you. “You told me to tell you when I was close..if you keep going now, I don’t think I can stop it.”

Jon continued to be silent for a moment but again his cock twitched and his breathing suddenly increased in your ear, a near growl in his words when he did choose to speak. Heavy with something dripping in an authority. “You tell me your pregnant, and you still think I won’t let you cum.” You didn’t always know when his questions were rhetorical or not in such intimate moments, and you tended to answer him not to rile him up further, nodding yes that you did assume that. Slowly Jon begun to move again, just barley letting the tip of his fingers stay inside before slowly sliding them down to the knuckle.

Tensing in your muscles, unable to move as Jon kept your legs open for him, your walls clenching around him as you felt yourself grow more wet. You didn’t even say it as something seductive, just the truth which drove him crazy anyways. “I wanted to do as I was told.”

Jon felt his cock throbbing against you, his fingers against your clit starting to put the pressure back as he ran them tightly over the sensitive bundle of nerves. Steeling whatever voice you had left and drawing it from you in cries in the air, his breath hot against your ear as he rasped deeply. “No one has any idea do they, what a good girl the mother of my child is.” You clenched even tighter around as your nails dug into his arms, desperate to hold off. The feeling burning against your clit as his fingers inside of you were overwhelming on top of it all. “Thinking I wouldn’t want this, when all I’ve thought about for almost a month is getting you pregnant. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this, how much I’ve wanted you my whole life.”

Biting your lip trying to keep his name from interrupting, his pace picked up, toying you right back against the edge of that cliff he dangled you over.

Whines desperate to leave your chest, Jon again picked the pace up, your body arching back into him as much as you could as he did so. “You don’t know, darling. How many nights in a row I’d be in my room at night, the only thing ever able to get me off was thinking about you. Looking for videos of girls who looked just like you, and how none ever came close. You’re the only one I’d ever want this with.”

Right at that edge, begging his name did Jon suddenly stop. Dark eyes looking down at you over your shoulder, breasts heaving with your legs wide open for him, because he was keeping them open himself, did Jon suddenly pull away from your cunt. Leaving your soaking walls and clit, one hand sat against your stomach while the other reached up to turn you by your jaw to partially look back at him.

The grey you could see in his eyes barley even then. “I should’ve gotten you pregnant in our bed.” Biting you lip, you barley could nod at the angle before Jon slowly released you. Grabbing by your hips he manevuered you up and off of him, carefully guiding you out of the tub never letting go of you. Keeping you in front of him, his cock hard almost between your legs as your hands rested high against his chest, you didn’t presume anything. Your legs wanting to shake from being torn from any orgasm once more, but Jon ran a hand along your wet hair to nudge you up to look at him properly. “I said no at first, but I have a deal for you.” You just nodded eagerly, his eyes closing briefly as if unable to control himself. His hands on your hips growing tighter before looking back to your eyes. “I’ll bring you to our bed, darling and make you cum. But you need to make me cum first, right here.”

Without even a second thought, you slowly dropped down to your knees. The water soaking the floor under you both but you paid none of it mind. Your hands steadying themselves against his hips as you looked up at him. Jon ran his along your cheek before raking through the wet strands of hair, making sure he had a secure hold. He didn’t need to say anything else, he gave you his order.

One hand gently reaching over to grasp at his cock, too thick to even wrap your hand around, Jons hand in your hair grew a slight bit tighter. Your lips brushing small pecks against his length, all the way down to the base of his cock where the hair was coarse and thick and back. Your eyes fluttered closed as your final was pressed to the tip of his cock. Again, his hand tightened.

Tiny kisses and licks you gave, savouring as if this was all you’d get when you knew better. Ever so slowly did you take him into your mouth. Running your tongue along, trying to gather the saliva in your mouth to make it easier. A rough sigh left his lips, as you begun to take more and more of him in your mouth.

Filling you gradually, his length was as intimidating as his girth. You had only ever done this with him once, but your heart felt as full as your mouth that he let you again. Something about it was perverse, but only towards him, did you feel a burning need to show him how obedient you’d be. Inching yourself to halfway down his cock, you didn’t allow yourself to leave him. Pulling only to his tip and back once more, each run of your tongue as you sucked his cock his hand tightened in your hair. His muscles tensing under your hands but you didn’t do anything else.

Just kept a smooth pace, trying to tell yourself to go deeper. He was a lot, more then anyone else in your limited experience but you wanted this for him. He told you to make him cum, and you’d do that, no matter what. His head fell back the slightest as you begun to take him deeper. Your heart telling you to slow down, but you refused. He was covered in your saliva deep in your mouth and it made it easier to let him sink down your throat.

A hum left you in a satisfaction as a groan left Jon. Dropping his head back down with black eyes to watch, your bare frame, hands grasping gently at his hips as your eyes were closed sucking his cock as if you genuinely enjoyed it. The image was unbelievable, unlike a single thing he’d ever watched or seen when trying to imagine you before. There was something so debauched too about how innocent you currently looked. You had wanted to do this again, and he knew it, and as little as Jon wanted you to pleasure him more then he did you, part of Jon understood why so many men sought this out from women.

It wasn’t just the feeling of your hot mouth, it was the sight of your head bobbing up and down his cock without any show for it. You didn’t even think to attempt to make yourself look alluring about it, you sucked his cock over and over only because you truly wanted to do this for him. The order was just an excuse for you to drop to your knees. How long he wondered had you wanted this?

Jon had asked you questions like it before, but this one was more filthy. How recently, or worse, how many years had it been you’d hope Jon would let you get on your knees for him? Other men in your life would’ve taken advantage of you, made you do it. How often he wondered did you get through it by pretending it was him? But it wasn’t.

None of them would’ve treated you the way he was. His hand in your hair was tight but not forceful, and the closer he got the more he adored you.

A muffled strained sound almost like a gag each time you took his full length, nose brushing up against the black hair when your hands tightened. The rasp above you so strained as he said it, “You want help?” You couldn’t really nod, but you made a more whine against him. The hand tight in your hair shifted to keep a stronger hold, as he watched you. “Relax, darling.”

Slower then you had, did Jon begin moving you along his cock. In and out, he didn’t move, only making you take his length mimicking as if you were doing it. He’d press your face right up against him and listen to the sounds before dragging you almost all the way off. Not a second was spared for you in between the moment you’d reach one end, Jons hand would push your head as deep as he could in the other. Faster and faster the pace picked up too.

The wetness between your legs growing as was the warmth in your core burning all over again at the way your heart raced. Jon though, made a mistake, his eyes glancing back to the mirror and it was so much worse. That time, there was no mistake. He couldn’t see his length filling your mouth from the higher counter, but he could see his hand in your hair and how he guided you up and down his cock over and over at a faster pace. Faster even more now that he was watching this was. Obsessed with your eyes closed and how much you looked like you really had craved this.

Maybe he’d do this in the future. Anytime he would not let you cum for days or weeks on end. Instead of giving you an orgasm, he’d let you suck his cock and that would be your reward for being so good for him. You’d like that, and that was even worse. How much you’d thank him for giving you his cock instead of an orgasm.

Closer and closer he was, you felt him throb in your mouth. Trying to follow his pace, you sucked him even more as the hand in your hair grew rather tight. Jons voice a growl above you, “Come on, darling. I need you to take every drop, yeah?” You whined and he took that as a yes.

Shoving you all the way down, your face pressing against the coarse hair as he suddenly finished. Spilling so deep down your throat that the sounds of your muffled gags only made Jon feel as if he was cumming even more. Thick and hot spurts of his seed so deep down your throat that you had no choice but to try and swallow what he was feeding you. As if this was a treat beyond anything you’d get to eat again, the taste heavy but almost addicting.

You’d never feel the confidence to admit it, how much you had wanted to suck his cock again because you liked when he spilled down your throat this was, but it was the truth. And you never once even thought about moving off his cock until Jon was the one who finally pulled you off of him.

Your mouth gasping for air as saliva and a mixture of his seed were still visible in strands before snapping as you tried to get your heart back down. The feeling of his seed pooling in your stomach making you feel another wave of need.

Looking up brightly at him, his eyes were still dark, despite his heaving chest as he came down, and his cock still half hard despite how much he had just finished in your mouth. Running a thumb over your bottom lip, “Thats my girl.” You almost looked as if you were warm on the inside from the compliment, only making Jon grow hard again.

Gently, he guided you to stand. Pulling you in by your cheek to press his lips to yours. Biting down against your lips he slid his tongue into your mouth, a need to overwhelm you in everyday in that matter as his other hand yanked you close. Your hands wrapped up around the back of his beck and into his drying curls, his cock slipping between your legs, feeling how soaked you were. Biting down against your lip once more, he pulled away as they tinged at the feeling. His eyes dark as he tore them down your frame to where his cock toyed between your legs, then back up to your eyes. “We’re doing something new tonight, and I want you to let me, no matter how much I know you’re going to want to say no.”

Nodding, he shook his own head, making you promise out loud here and now. “I won’t stop you, I promise.” Leaning down his forehead rested against yours, now both hands against your hips. Muttering he didn’t make you promise that, but you were honest as your lips pressed sweetly to his cheek. “I know, but I’m promising anyways.”

Suddenly, Jon jerked you around towards the door, not even bothering to entertain covering you up with a towel. He knew no one was home yet without a doubt, and ignored your flustered call of his name at how he guided you bare into the hallway. “No one’s home, it’s alright.”

His room was warm, closing the door behind him and locked it. Jon kept you in front of him as you both stood there, one of his hands sliding backwards between your bodies, grasping a rough handful of your plush ass. The other following not so long after, you felt his head resting against the back of yours as he watched himself grope at your ass. The sting of how he’d pull you wide just to look before continuing his rough treatment. Stammering in the air at the feeling pooling again between your legs, “Is that what we’re-”

A growl left Jon as he pulled your ass wide again, “Don’t tempt me, I mean it.” Your heart felt fluttering at how serious he was. How much he sounded as if he truly wanted to fuck your ass and the instinct not to make it worse by promising how easily you’d let him as much as he wanted. You had a feeling he already knew that. Jon could choose to only fuck you ever again by shoving you onto your hands and knees, and roughly fucking your ass and you’d never complain about it. You’d take it over and over as much as he wanted.

Pushing you over to the bed, Jon held you to stop. Biting down at your ear as his warms wrapped around your front, sliding one hand down to run along your clit again. “I want to taste you, but we’re doing it my way.” You nodded, and Jon dragged his teeth down along your neck, rough bites and sucking down into the skin you knew deep marks would be left there in no time. “Good.”

He lay down first, guiding you up to straddle him. This wasn’t the usual position, but he did take you this way once or twice before as self conscious as the angle made you feel. But he was impatient, hands grabbing at you and guiding you up further, the moment it dawned on you what he was doing, Jon held you so tight in place you too felt the bruises forming. “Jon?”

His voice barley recognizable how deep it growled, “You promised me. My girl going to obey her promise?” You nodded, and so he only dragged you higher against his chest. Just as he had you hovering over his face, did Jon not give you the chance to do it yourself. He knew you wouldn’t. He could tell you that every single day from now on you couldn’t leave this room until you got on your knees for him and you’d do it, but you’d never presume to do this on your own. You didn’t yet understand this wasn’t just for you. This was for Jon too.

Instead, he dragged you down against his mouth without asking. Your hand flying up to grasp at the headboard to steady yourself, you cried out his name. Slightly confused, but his mouth was so warm against you. Sucking at your clit before running down and drinking deeply from your cunt, his hands holding you tightly against him you couldn’t move to give him air even if he wanted you too.

“Jon,” almost a question it came out as. The feeling of his mouth between your legs but from this kind of position, something you had never even heard of before. But he held you down with his immense strength against him as he drank from you with such a greed that you he must have wanted this a long time. Deeply his tongue could reach inside of you this way, and your cries echoed against the walls and back to both of your ears. Music it was to Jon as insecure as yours felt, but you couldn’t stop them.

That burning feeling returned again, twisting inside of your core like it was a metal being moved by force to wrap around something white hot. A star waiting in the sky to burst but by his order and no sooner, no matter how close it came to exploding. Trying to hold off, your nails dug into the wood of the headboard, almost coming close to letting splinters sink either into the skin or nails themselves but you couldn’t focus on that.

A feeling of lightheadedness followed the pleasure building as you finally spoke, but Jon never stopped tasting you, never even slowed down. Just grabbed at your hips with rougher handfuls closer to your ass as he increased his greed in how much your wetness gifted his taste buds. “Jon, I won’t be able to, please, I don’t want to disobey you.”

Groaning against you, that was when he reluctantly pulled away. Lifted you off of him, but Jon spared no time. Flipping you both around, your head lay back against the pillow as he hovered over you. Pressing his lips down to yours, you made a cry against his kiss, only to have him slide his tongue inside your mouth again. That time shamelessly sharing the taste you made him so addicted too, as your core burned and felt soaking wet between your own wetness and his saliva.

Pulling back, he cupped the back of your head as he now held more wider eyes looking down at you. Muttering your name, your hand one at his side, the other reaching up to run gentle your fingertips along his facial hair. Something despite the position, sat soft between you both as he looked down at you. “I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.” Leaving your hair as one hand kept him raised up, he let it slink down so his palm rested against your stomach. “This is our baby. I love you, and you love me. That’s all we need to get through this. I promise.”

Normally, Jon always made you promise. A habit made to get you to look after yourself, but this time, he promised you. That everything making you so scared of this wasn’t needed, it wouldn’t be true. You nodded, and he was much more gentle pressing his lips to yours. Pulling one leg up by your thigh to hitch up against his hip, you willingly let the other fall more open and spread wide against the sheets for him. He didn’t need to line up, he was at the perfect angle.

Slowly sinking deep inside of you, one smooth thrust with no resistance you were so soaking wet for him. It was soon, it was too soon. This relationship between you was still fresh and growing but Jon never wanted you to think you’d ever made him want to leave. You were terrified of scaring him away, but the moment Jon even slightly begun to pull out of your soaking, warm walls, he slid right back as deep as he could because that was as far away as he was willing to go.

Pushing himself more up by the palm, your hands wrapping around the back of his neck, Jon didn’t even slightly try to pick up the pace. Just watching your eyes, bright and so needing on him as you trusted he was going the pace you both needed. Each time his cock dragging against a sensitive wall inside of you.

You could barley follow his pace, he was going too slow to even have a pace to keep up with. Just barley letting his cock leave you before filling you again, only ever getting slightly better at pulling more out of you each time but it was nothing even close to fast. Your heart felt as full as his cock was inside of you, how much you wished things could be better, but how even though they weren’t he still wasn’t leaving.

You were so scared of him having a bad reaction you never even considered that what if like you, he wanted this too. But he did, he had wanted it longer then you had and suddenly did you raise your head up to meet his lips with yours. Just as slow but deep he also kissed you, no longer even what could he called thrusting, more like a gentle grinding as Jon lowered his body to rest against yours. Reaching for one of your hands by his hair, and raising it up to rest against the pillow beside your head.

Fingers intertwining together, he rolled his lips into yours again and again, not even sounds being made aside from how obvious it was his cock was sinking inside your soaked cunt. He didn’t need to leave your kiss to say it again for you to feel his intention. He wanted to promise you again, it would be alright. You two would figure it out together.

Even now, you the firstborn daughter of an old family from a once highborn nobility, and he a bastard from a family much the same fin the passed. Unmarried and now pregnant, but these weren’t those days. The pressure was on you, on your mind, on your insecurities, not him or his life. You were together and there was no one hating that, and the only ones who might had nothing to do with either of your lives at this point.

They didn’t matter, only you two right now mattered. For everything you felt afraid of and still did, Jon didn’t. He felt confident for you both, and no matter what would happen to you and your life in the worst coming ways you knew, Jon wouldn’t leave, and thats all you could ask for.

That time, when you came close to your orgasm, Jon didn’t stop you. He didn’t hold back or change pace. Just gently let his cock slide in and out of your cunt as he kissed you, and his hands intertwined with yours. He silently let you cum, and he filled you more and more not long after. Only, he didn’t stop. As if he could get you pregnant again right here, Jon pulled every single orgasm he could out of you as long as he still had seed to spill deep inside of you.

Maybe there wasn’t much hope, but it was something.

It was late enough as Jon very carefully pulled himself up from bed. Always watching with eyes like a hawk that you wouldn’t wake up on him, not wishing to disturb your sleep. Especially now. For a moment he hadn’t even gotten up, he just watched you. The love of his life, the girl he had been so deeply in love with the moment he laid eyes on you.

He couldn’t imagine a world where he’d reject you. Not want this with you. The heartbreaking fact that you had been so scared he didn’t want this, that you started to cry the moment you realized he had found the pregnancy test and results. That you had been so scared you were willing to go against what you wanted, and drink moontea either without him knowing or at his order just to try and keep him. But he’d wanted this for a long time. Longer then Tormund had put it into his head, but thats when it exploded.

That was when Jons head went into overdrive. And even moreso, he had everything prepared too. He had thought long in the future, but it was now. The now he wanted was here and it was a pure accident. Or, so Jon thought. His thumb running along your cheek as you slept, he thought maybe this accident was on purpose. Not by you nor him, but the old gods giving Jon a chance at a life he always wanted, always tried asking for without the bravery to put it into words.

You just so happened to forget your birth control on the night he fucked you after Dickon Tarly’s wedding. The one where he didn’t even let you cum because he needed some control over his thoughts and the darkest wouldn’t slip out if he controlled that. And you let him.

He hadn’t let you cum that night, nor the next, nor even before he went north again. The last night he made you cum, was when he truly put a baby in you, and the next night he made you cum was tonight, the night he found out you were indeed pregnant. It all was looking like pieces fitting together for the first time in his life. But Jon had one more thing to get. Or two. Looking at the time, if he left now, he could get there and back in two hours at most and you’d still be fast asleep and not know he was gone.

Dragging on his jeans, Jon threw a shirt before turning back. Leaning down, through the fur atop his bed his hand sought our your stomach. A tiny press just to let the little one know he was there, as the other ran along your hair at the top of your head before leaving a kiss to your forehead. There and back and he wouldn’t even have to worry you he was gone.

The brothers on night duty were beyond baffled. Rarely did Jon show up in the middle of the night, and never before had they never seen him out of uniform. His hair haphazardly thrown back to keep it out of his face too, he didn’t look the put together he always did here. Grenn was sitting up on one of the desks by the other side of the room where his desk was, chatting with Dareon before noticing him. “Jon?” Hopping down he was as confused as he was amused looking at his state, “What in seven hells are you doing here? Thought you hated night duty.”

Rounding over to his desk, Jon pulled the key out he used to keep everything in his top drawer safe when he wasn’t there, now that something very valuable and which cost a significant amount of gold to buy couldn’t be lost. “I’m just picking something up.”

His head shot up though at Grenns words, “Oh you mean the engagement ring we’ve all pretended not to know you’re hiding here?” A laugh as he patted Jon on the arm, leaning against Sams desk next to Jons. “We all know. Everyone here knows you’ve been keeping it a secret.” Jons brows narrowed at how, only for Grenn to relent right away. “Sam told Edd, Edd mentioned it to Hobb-”

Sighing as his head dropped, he hissed out. “Now everyone knows.” No use trying to be subtle, Jon unlocked the drawer, grabbing the ring and putting it in his pocket. He could read the question on Grenns face, “She doesn’t care if it’s in a box or anything. The ring’s the only thing that matters.”

Standing back up, Jon let his hands brace against the back of his chair, legs bent backwards a bit as if to stretch just the slightest from the nerves. That time Grenn was genuinely just curious. “Why the rush to grab it now? It’s the middle of the night.” Jon didn’t answer, only a small glance to the side at him before looking away, the guilt right on his face that he wasn’t going to be able to hide this one. “She’s not...” Jon closed his eyes, and nodded yes. Grenn would realize it even if he denied it, he wasn’t an idiot. “Gods be good, your girls pregnant?”

Nodding again, Jon pushed up about to tell him to keep his voice down, but leave it to his brothers when the Lord Commander nor Ser Alliser were around to be rowdy. All surrounding him asking the same news, and it was out. There was no stopping it now, all he could do was ask them not to tell anyone yet, that his family didn’t know and he didn’t want them finding out because one of them opened their mouths.

Already he was going to have to have a talk with Sam about keeping secrets.

It took longer then he thought to even get out of there, all of them congratulating him trying to get him to stay and at least celebrate but he needed to get back to you before you woke up and thought he left you. He did, but you’d worry it meant something far more horrible then he ever wanted. But, the house wasn’t completely dark when he got back. And he knew he wasn’t getting inside to you just yet.

Back resting against the small front porch, arms crossed over his chest with a single outside light on to signify he was even there waiting, Jon very slowly got out of the car, slinging a bag over his shoulder, carrying the plush he was also going to suprise you with, two gifts in one go. But, he wasn’t getting through that door in silence.

In Robbs head, he had more then enough red flags going off that on any other man, he’d have never let him get this far. But he only gave that grace because it was his own brother, but this was a step too far. You begged it was an accident, and he believed you without a doubt. You would never do that on purpose, but Jon? Robb no longer was so sure that Jon hadn’t done this on purpose, and one way or another here and now, he was going to get an answer.

“You better have a good reason to convince me why this is all just a complete coincidence, Snow.”