#evan Buckley you stupid stupid man

[estheticpotaeto]

Just this part is enough to convey the whole vibe because GRJWBDUWKSB

Maddie: Wait, you like men??? You like TOMMY??? Buck: Maddie pls that was like 5 seconds ago catch up what's important is I need relationship help-

[buddiesmutslut]

If I have to read “Buck could spend his life with Tommy, if not for Eddie.” I promise you I WILL scream.

No tf he couldn’t. That is not the story they’re telling here. I know it’s confusing bc Eddie is all over this storyline, but that’s not what you’re supposed to take away from it.

Tommy canonically has not been ANY different than any of Buck’s previous love interests. It’s been pointed out *several times* actually how similar he is to all of them in various ways, & yet, nobody’s been sighing “Abby/Ali/Taylor/Lucy/Natalia could be Buck’s soulmate, if only it weren’t for Eddie.” Bc that’s insane.

Eddie is not the reason any of those relationships didn’t last forever. I know we like to say that everything is about Buddie but it genuinely is not. Eddie is not the reason Tommy is condescending. Eddie is not the reason Tommy is dismissive of things Buck is interested in. Eddie is not the reason Tommy calls him Evan, despite the fact that “the people who know me call me Buck.” Eddie is not the reason for whatever is in Tommy’s past that is going to leave Buck spiraling next episode the same way he’s not responsible for why Ali & Taylor & Natalia didn’t work out.

Buck’s relationships don’t work out for their own reasons WITHIN the relationship itself, and whenever Buck & Tommy break up (whether that be in the next few weeks or later down the line) it will be because of something between Buck & Tommy.

Not Eddie.

Please stfu with this take. They are not trying to show you that Tommy could be Buck’s soulmate “if only Eddie wasn’t there.” I know we don’t know exactly what story they’re telling with them yet, but I fucking GUARANTEE it is not that one.

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

We as a fandom do not talk about Buck’s whole “agonizing over not telling Eddie he’s bisexual” crisis enough. He felt like he was lying to Eddie because he didn’t tell him something new he’d discovered about himself! Tommy dismissing him for not being able to tell Eddie he’s bi yet certainly contributed to Buck’s panic about it, but the whole “lying to my best friend” part came entirely from Buck himself. And he goes to Maddie about his crisis because his big sister has always had good advice for him, and he trusts her with his relationship with Eddie. This tells us two things:

1. For some reason, Buck was worked up about not yet having told Eddie, specifically, that he is bisexual. He goes to Maddie and omits half the truth from her, even though it could help him figure out why he’s so anxious about hiding the truth from Eddie. But he doesn’t panic about his sister either finding out he’s bisexual, or attempting to hide it from her until the pronoun slip. His panic is clearly and explicitly devoted to the thought of lying to his best friend. Not even his sister, who has known and loved him his whole life, was like his mother for much of their childhoods, and was his greatest and sole champion for most of his life, elicits such panic from Buck. He’s nervous about telling Eddie, but everyone else in his life, he comes out to essentially with ease at the Madney wedding.

Now, for some people, this might make it seem like Buck is aware, even subconsciously of his feelings for Eddie, but I’m not sure I agree. And that is because of the second thing:

2. Buck is 100% incapable of not telling Eddie everything about himself and/or his life. Time and again, we have seen Buck using Eddie as a confidant, a safe space, and a comfort for himself when he’s in crisis or feeling particularly reflective. We see this in the og kitchen scene, when Buck, with a rather shaky segue, apologizes again to Eddie for abandoning the Diazes during the lawsuit, in a scene that feels like Buck’s been holding his words in and they’ve suddenly forced their way out to be heard by Eddie. We see it when Buck tells Eddie all about the first dinner with the Buckley parents, notably, the only on-screen conversation Buck has about the dinner and Buck’s feelings about it before the dinner is immediately overshadowed by the Daniel of it all. It’s all directed towards Eddie. And then we got Buck coming over to Eddie’s house after the lightning strike, asking for space from questions and concerns, and then later opening up about how conflicted and confused he feels after dying for three minutes (and seventeen seconds). And yes, even Buck eventually coming out to Eddie, the only scene where Buck is shown to be 100% intentionally coming out (yes, this is me admitting that I’m still iffy on the soot being on purpose or just an accident that Buck was fine with using to come out to everyone else he loves).

All of this to say, Buck cannot be aware or even subconsciously suspicious that he is in love with Eddie. Yet. This is a guy that thought taking his time to come out to his best friend comfortably constitutes as lying. He is honest with Eddie, and he clearly hates hiding things from his best friend because he gets all weird and uncomfortable about it. If Buck knew that he is in love in with Eddie, we, the audience, would know too. And that’s including the general audience. This isn’t a case where Buck could admit it to someone else and feel a little better that it’s out there, even though Eddie still doesn’t know. This is a man who is incapable of lying to his best friend, or keeping a secret from him. Not only is he incapable of it, he hates it! He doesn’t care about over sharing, he is just desperate for Eddie Diaz to know every part of him and love him anyway.

All I can say to that is, if we see a Buck love realization first, we’d better hope Eddie gets knocked into shape very soon after, or we’re in for a very angsty arc where Buck is “rejected” until Eddie realizes his own feelings. It won’t be a sweet and goofy sequence of Buck avoiding Eddie for a few days once he’s realized, and then telling Eddie magically makes Eddie realize that he feels the same in that very moment. It’ll be Buck accidentally running into Eddie the moment he walks into work the morning after he figures out his feelings, and immediately spilling his love out on the operations floor in front of Eddie and the entire team if he has to. Some sort of gentle rejection on Eddie’s part, and then the boys both shutting down instantly. Then multiple scenes of Buck believing he’s destroyed everything, while Eddie speed runs his gay crisis straight (heh) into a love realization regarding his best friend that he just rejected not three days ago.

So. Do we want the angsty “rejection” route? Or do we want an Eddie realization first, which would contain no less screaming, crying, and throwing up by Eddie, but would spare us the secondhand embarrassment of a Buck so in love that he simply can’t lie to the man he loves’ face for more than a second. Since it would be incredibly cheesy and adorable for their love realizations to happen at the same time, and for them to be ready to admit their feelings in the same scene/episode, I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen. It’s 9-1-1. If there is angst and pain to be had, before leading to a beautiful, fulfilling love, then they’ll be going that route over the simultaneous love confessions.

[introspectivememories]

"evan, i find you adorable". adorable as in able to be adored. as in capable of being adored. as in i find you worthy of adoration. adorable, from the latin adorare (to worship) to adorabilis (in the sense 'worthy of divine worship') to the current day adorable. as in maybe if we had made it to the movies or if eddie didn't show up, i could've showed you just how much i want to worship you. as in i look at you and there is a font of adoration in my heart for you. adorable as in i flew into a hurricane with you and yet this date is a thousand times more thrilling than that. adorable as in there is a person in your building who saw me jump up and down like a little kid in the lobby after i had kissed you for the first time. adorable as in i kissed you and immediately thought fuck i could do this forever if he lets me. adorable as in i want to press kisses to your birthmark. adorable as in i spent the entirety of the days leading up to our date wondering about you, if you liked your coffee with two sugars or one. if you liked storms or if the lightning strike had put you off on them all together. if you liked cats or dogs or if you were the kind of weirdo who liked goats instead. if you thought about the kiss as often as i did. if your stomach tangled into twisted knots as saturday drew closer. if you would be agreeable to sitting in my lap. if you would blush as prettily as you did the day i kissed you. if your world also realigned when our lips met. if our orbits had matched up now that we flew into a hurricane together. if the gravitational pull between us had finally been too strong for either of us to resist that night in your loft. or maybe, more simply, adorable as in, "evan, i find you adorable."

[strangeasf]

I really truly don't get this whole bucktommy and buddie rivalry.. I mean I love buddie and I really like bucktommy and don't understand the problem of liking and rooting for both. yeah, at the same time. what happened, everyone forgot about multishipping? why can't two ships coexist in peace??

[asraindarkness]

gay ppl can never say ily it’s always some shit like “imma bubble him so he’d know im thinking about him”.

[isthatacalzone]

so I've been watching 911 and telling my best friend all about the various insane plots and we've come to exclusively refer to Buck as Secretly Bisexual Buck

[kenacoki]

Save the Best for Last

//Pairing// Evan “Buck” Buckley x Fem!Reader

//Summary// After so many terrible dates, you always seem to find yourself coming back to Buck’s loft.

//Word Count// 5.58k

//Request// smut prompts #2 & #4

//Warnings// smutty smut smut :)), Evan Buckley being a certified munch, lazy handjobs, p in v sex, and possessive talk

//Dividers// sister-lucifer

"Oh, goddamn it."

Here you are, standing outside Buck's loft door at 10:00 at night with a six-pack of beer in hand as you contemplate your life choices.

Your latest date had been a complete and total disaster.

The man was loud, obnoxious, and a bit too handsy for your taste. So, you left the date early feeling frustrated and angry. All you want to do is relax and complain to your best friend.

Reaching into your pocket, you pull out your key to Buck's place. Letting yourself in, you sigh quietly as you slip your jacket off. The loft is empty and quiet.

"Buck?" You call out, setting the beer in the fridge.

Maybe he’s in the shower? Or asleep? You don’t get a response, so you head into the living room, flopping down onto Buck’s new couch with a huff.

You lean your head back against the couch, your eyes fluttering shut as you sigh heavily. As you sit there mentally cursing out your dumb date, the sound of footsteps causes you to open your exhausted (e/c) eyes, looking over at the source of the noise; it’s Buck, walking out of his steaming bathroom.

Completely naked.

You immediately turned red, quickly looking away and sitting up. "Jesus Christ," you blurt out, feeling your heart pound in your chest. "Buck, for god's sake, a towel please." You keep your eyes trained on the wall in front of you, refusing to look at your equally embarrassed friend.

"Oh—oh god, I didn’t know you came in!” Buck mumbles, grabbing a discarded towel from the bathroom floor and wrapping it around his waist.

Well, now you understand how he got the nickname Firehose.

"How long have you been here?"

"Not long." You mutter, still refusing to look at him. The image of his bare chest is burned into your brain. What you wouldn’t give to rake your fingers over his toned muscles—

Nope. Stop. No, nope. Bad thoughts.

“I’m just uh, gonna go grab some clothes.” Buck practically scurries away, disappearing up the stairs to his bedroom. You exhale, letting out a deep breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

Finally looking away from the wall, you bury your face in your hands.

This is bad. You and Buck are just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. You need to get these feelings under control, but it’s so, so hard.

Buck emerges a moment later, thankfully with underwear and sweatpants on, although his chest is still bare. You try not to stare at his toned upper body as he shuffles back over to the couch, plopping himself down next to you; leaving little to no space. You desperately try not to think about it.

"S-so, how was your date?" He asks, his voice is casual but a tinge of tension in his words.

You try not to grimace as you remember the disaster that had been your evening. “Ugh, it was terrible. He was so loud and obnoxious, it was awful.” You sigh heavily, shaking your head. “I don’t know why I keep going on these stupid dates, honestly.”

Buck shifts next to you, his shoulder brushing against your arm, sending a shiver down your spine. He’s so close, that you can practically feel the warmth radiating off of his body. It’s driving you crazy.

You suddenly jerk forward, rubbing your sweaty palms on your dress as you stand, “I uh, I got us beer—to drink. Do you want one?”

Smooth, real smooth (y/n).

Buck nods, his eyes following you as you walk away, his gaze trailing down your body hungrily. He can’t help it, the sight of your curves in that tight (f/c) dress is so damn distracting. He swallows hard, tearing his eyes away from you as you disappear into the kitchen.

You open the fridge door, the cool air hitting your flushed face. You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. You need to stop reacting this way to him, you and Buck are just friends. No matter what your stupid heart may think.

You grab a couple of beers, opening one for Buck and one for yourself. Heading back into the living room, you desperately try to get your thoughts under control.

Buck’s in the same spot as before when you come back, his arm stretched out along the back of the couch. You hand him the beer and sit back down on the couch, putting a little distance between you this time.

As you get comfortable, you take a long swig of your drink. Buck does the same, his eyes flicking over to you as he does.

The tension in the room feels thick as if you could slice through it with a knife. You take another sip of beer, glancing over at Buck. He’s still looking at you, his eyes roaming over your face. It’s making you nervous.

“What?” You ask, lifting an eyebrow at him.

"Hm?" Buck seems to snap out of his thoughts, blinking at you. "Oh, uh, nothing—Just thinking." He replies, looking away quickly and taking another drink of beer.

You along nod awkwardly, taking another sip of your beer as you try to ignore the way Buck’s eyes still glance at you,“Don’t strain yourself too hard.”

Buck snorts, rolling his eyes at your sarcastic comment. The corner of his lips twitch upwards, a small smirk growing on his face. But the smirk fades quickly, a flicker of something you can’t quite place flashing across his eyes.

"You’re just hilarious, y'know that?” He teases, but there’s an undertone to it that you can’t quite put your finger on.

You roll your eyes at him, though your heart skips a beat at his smirk. You’re suddenly very aware of how close you two have gotten again, the heat from his body practically seeping through his clothes onto your own skin.

“Damn right, I am.” You snark back at him, taking another drink of beer as you try to ignore the way your heart is pounding in your chest.

Buck lets out a soft laugh, his eyes locking on yours again. The smirk on his face fades as he takes a deep breath, seeming to come to some kind of decision. He shifts closer, his body leaning slightly into yours.

"Can I ask you something?"

You involuntarily tense up, your heart slamming in your chest. His sudden shift in demeanor can’t help but make you nervous, you take a deep breath to steady yourself.

“Sure, yeah.” You say, trying to keep your voice even. You turn towards him, meeting his gaze with your own. “What’s up?”

Buck hesitates for a moment, his tongue darting out as he wets his lips. He’s so close to you now, his face only a few inches away from yours. When he speaks, his voice is quieter than before, barely above a whisper.

"Why do you keep going on these dates?"

His question catches you off guard, making your stomach twist into knots. You certainly hadn’t been expecting him to ask that. You take a deep breath, trying to keep your composure. You can feel your heart racing, the sound of it drumming in your ears.

"I, uh, I don’t know. Does-Does it really matter?" You reply, trying to keep your voice casual. But you can feel yourself start to fidget with your fingers nervously.

Buck watches you for a moment, his eyes scanning over your face. His hand moves, reaching up to brush a strand of hair from your face. The touch is gentle, his fingers tracing lightly along your cheek.

"Yeah, it matters." He says, his voice soft. "It matters because all these dates are doing is making you miserable. I hate seeing you like this."

Your breath catches in your chest as his fingers lightly trail along your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. You can feel your self-control slipping, your heart and mind warring with each other. You want to lean into his touch, but at the same time, you know you need to keep your distance.

"It’s fine, Buck. I promise." You manage to say, but the shakiness in your voice betrays your words.

Buck’s hand moves to cup your cheek, his thumb tracing over your skin. His eyes are still fixed on yours, his gaze intense and unwavering.

"No, it's not." He says firmly. "You're not fine. You’re miserable. I mean, you're going on these dates like some kind of punishment, like you think you need to suffer through it for some reason."

He moves even closer to you, so close that you can just barely feel his breath fan against your skin.

His words strike a nerve in you, because you know he’s right. You’ve been using these dates to try and punish yourself, to try and ignore your feelings for Buck. Now he’s calling you out on it, and it’s making it hard for you to think straight.

You lean into his touch, your eyes fluttering shut for a moment. You’re so weak for him, it’s pathetic.

Buck’s hand moves from your cheek to your chin, tilting your head up slightly, making you look at him. Your eyes lock with his, your heart racing at his proximity. His gaze is intense like he’s searching for something in your eyes.

"I don’t understand why you keep doing this to yourself." He murmurs, his thumb brushing over your jawline. "You deserve better than these idiots you keep going on dates with. You deserve someone who actually cares about you."

Your breath catches in your chest as he speaks, your heart clenching at his words. You know he's right, but you can’t bring yourself to admit it. You try to deflect, trying to keep the conversation light.

"Yeah? And who do you have in mind for me then?" You half-joke, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Buck’s thumb stops moving, his gaze steady and unwavering. His other hand moves to your hip, his fingers gripping you gently through the fabric of your dress

"Me." He says, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes flick down to your lips, then back up to your eyes.

Your eyes widen in shock at his words, your mind reeling. You’re speechless, unable to believe what he’s saying. Is he being serious?

You take a shaky breath, trying to form a response but struggle to find the words. Buck’s hand on your hip tightens slightly, pulling you closer to him.

“You…you do?” You ask, your voice a little breathless.

Buck nods, and his grip on your hip tightens even more, pulling you flush against his body. You can feel his heart beating fast, mirroring your own. He’s so close to you that you can see the tiniest flecks of green in his blue eyes; you can’t help but feel compelled to touch his birthmark.

"Yeah.” He says firmly, his voice rough and low. “I do. I want you so bad it’s been driving me insane.”

Your mind is swirling, your body reacting to his every touch and word. You should be pushing him away, shoving him back, and telling him to snap out of it. This is a terrible idea, bound to end in disaster. You could lose your friendship, and your job if things go bad. But you can’t bring yourself to care.

"God Buck, me too.” You murmur, your hand moving to clutch at his waist, your fingers gripping the soft fabric of his sweatpants.

Buck lets out a low groan at your words. Your confession is like a spark, igniting a fire within him. He leans even closer until there’s barely an inch of space left between your bodies.

"You have no idea how bad I want you.” He says, his voice practically growling. “I want to kiss every inch of you, make you forget your own name.”

“Then do it.” You whisper, your voice is a little shaky but so filled with desire it’s undeniable. You want this, you want him.

You. Need. Buck.

Buck doesn’t hesitate, his lips crashing down against yours in a heated kiss. His hand in your hair tightens, angling your head back to give him better access to your mouth. His other hand slides from your hip to the small of your back, pulling you into him.

The kiss is intense, desperate, like he’s trying to devour you whole.

You let out a muffled moan, your hand moving to grasp his neck; clinging to him like a lifeline. Your body feels like it’s been set on fire, every inch of you burning with need and desire for him. You can’t get enough, you don’t think you’ll ever get enough.

You open your mouth to him, letting his tongue slide into your mouth, your own tongue meeting his in a frenzied dance. You can feel yourself falling apart, losing yourself in the intensity of his touch, of his kiss.

Buck’s hands move to your thighs, gripping them tightly as he lifts you up, easily settling you on his lap so youre straddling him. You move your hips, grinding yourself down onto him, his body reacting involuntarily to the pressure. You can feel his hardness press against your core, it sends a throb of need throughout your entire body.

Gasping, Buck breaks the kiss before moving his lips to your neck; his mouth hot and demanding against your skin.

“You…drive me…crazy.” He mutters between kisses, his lips trailing down your neck and across your collarbone. Hishands slide under the lacy hem of your dress, his fingers burning hot against your skin as they trace patterns along your sides. You arch into his touch.

“You’re all I can think about. Every day.” He continues, his voice gravelly with lust. “God, even when we’re at work.”

You let out a gasp as his tongue swirls over your skin, your fingers tangling in his curly, blonde hair. His words make your heart pound even faster.

You press yourself against Buck, your hips rolling involuntarily against his, seeking more of that delicious friction. You can feel him growing harder underneath you, only making you ache for more.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve had to go to the bathroom to get myself under control,” Buck admits, his voice rumbles against your skin. He moves his hands lower, cupping your ass and grinding you down onto him. His mouth moves lower, his teeth grazing over a particularly sensitive spot on your collarbone, his thumb moving over your hip bone, tracing the outline of your underwear.

You let out a soft moan, your head falling back as he works his mouth down your neck and across your chest. His touch is like gasoline on an already out-of-control fire, and you can feel yourself losing more and more control.

“Buck…” You breathe out, his name a plea and a prayer all in one.

Buck moans at the sound, his hands moving to your hips again, holding you still against him. His mouth moves back up to your neck, his teeth and lips roaming over your skin.

“Fuck, I’ve wanted you so long.” He mutters, his voice rough and strained. “You keep coming to me after those stupid dates, all dressed up in these pretty dresses. Do you have any idea what it does to me?”

The mental image of him watching you from across the station, seeing you all dolled up for these dates and not being able to do anything about it, watching as you leave with another man, it makes your stomach clench. You wonder how many times he's sat there, fighting the urge to pull you into his lap, to kiss you senselessly and show everyone that you’re his.

You let out a pathetic whine, the thought making you throb with need.

Buck leans back slightly, his eyes raking over your disheveled form. You’re panting heavily, your (e/c) eyes dark with desire, lips swollen from his kisses. You’re a mess, and it makes him feel a sense of satisfaction that he’s the one who’s made you this way.

“God, look at you.” He murmurs, his hands pushing up your dress, his fingers tracing over your bare thighs. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.”

You shiver as his hands move higher, brushing over the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. You can feel your own arousal pooling between your legs, your underwear getting more and more damp at his touch. You want him, you need him so badly that it’s starting to become painful.

“Buck please,” You pant out, your voice pleading. “I need you…I need you so bad.”

Buck’s breath hitches at your words, his grip on your thighs faltering momentarily. He can see the desperation in your eyes, the need written all over your face.

“You’ve got me.” He says, his voice a low rumble. “You’ve always had me…just didn’t know it.”

Your heart clenches at his words, your mind warring with your body. Everything about this is a bad idea, you’re playing with fire here. But at this moment, with his hands on you, his body under yours, you can’t bring yourself to care.

“Prove it. Show me I’m yours, Buck.”

Buck’s eyes flash at your challenge, a wolfish smile spreading across his face. He moves without warning, standing up and easily lifting you with him. Your legs automatically wrap around his waist, and your arms cling to his shoulders. Spinning around, he starts the ascent to his loft bedroom.

You cling to him as he moves through the apartment, his hands holding you tightly, supporting your weight without any effort. You bury your face in his neck, leaving teasing kisses along his skin, your tongue and teeth nipping at his pulse point. You can feel every muscle in his body as he moves, your hands roaming across his back and shoulders, your fingernails scraping gently over his skin.

As you reach the top of the stairs, he walks you over to the edge of the bed and sets you down on the soft comforter.

“(y/n)…” He mutters, his eyes roaming over your body, taking in every inch of you. Your hair is tangled and messy, your chest heaving as you breathe heavily, your dress pooled up around your thighs, exposing your (s/c) skin. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?”

You smirk up at him, a feeling of power rushing through you at the way he’s looking at you. You lay back slowly, arching your back and letting the skirt of your dress ride up higher. You run your tongue over your bottom lip, knowing exactly what you’re doing to him.

“Pretty good way to go though, huh?” You tease lightly.

You don’t know how, but Buck’s eyes darken even more, the sight of you on his bed—practically inviting him to take you—pushes him over the edge.

“You’re such a tease.” He mutters, moving closer to you as his hands go to the waistband of his sweats.

You let out a small gasp as he starts to lower his sweatpants, the sight of him in nothing but low-hanging boxer briefs makes your mouth water. You can see the desire and hunger in his eyes, the fact that he wants you so badly sending a thrill of pleasure through you.

“Only for you, Buckley.”

Buck moves onto the bed, caging you in with his body, his hands on either side of your head.

“Better be.” He grins, leaning down to trail kisses along your jaw to your ear. His teeth nip at your earlobe, sending a shiver down your spine.

He moves lower, his lips finding your neck again, sucking lightly on the sensitive skin there, leaving a mark you know you’ll struggle to hide the next day.

You can feel your hands starting to shake as the ache between your legs grows and your mind gets fuzzy. You arch up into him, your body seeking more of his touch, more of his attention.

“Buck—need you to touch me.” You pant, your voice needy and desperate

Buck groans at your words, his hands sliding lower down your body, gliding over your stomach and then lower until they’re at the edge of your dress.

“Lift your hips.” He instructs, his voice commanding, leaving no room for argument. You instantly comply, lifting your hips off the bed, allowing him to slide your dress higher up your body.

With a quick tug, Buck pulls the dress up over your body and tosses it to the side. He takes a moment to admire you, trailing his eyes over every inch of you.

You’re laying there in just your (f/c) bra and panties, your legs slightly parted, your chest rising and falling quickly as you breathe through the need coursing through your body.

He leans back down over you, his hands and mouth immediately going to work. His mouth trails wet kisses down your torso and across your stomach, his fingers tracing lightly over your skin. You can’t help but whimper as he moves, your body responding to every touch, every graze of his lips against your skin.

His moves lower, just barely brushing the edge of your panties. You let out a gasp, your hands gripping the sheets tightly as your body arches into his touch.

You feel Buck’s smile against your skin, his hands gripping your hips tightly to keep you still. He loves seeing you like this, lost in pleasure and need, your body responding to his every move. He moves his mouth lower, his tongue tracing over the thin, damp fabric of your panties.

“B-Buck!” Your voice cracks

“You’re so damn sensitive,” Buck mutters, his fingers slowly tugging at the edge of your panties before pulling them down your legs and tossing them off to the side.

You clasp a hand over your mouth as you hold back a whine as you feel his hot breath fan against your soaked center.

Buck gently nips at the inside of your thigh, leaving small marks on your sensitive skin. He moves one of his hands to rest on your knee, keeping you spread open.

“It’s okay, (y/n).” Buck says, his voice full of desire. “Let me hear you, let me hear what I do to you.”

Before you can respond, his mouth is pressed against your soaking folds.

You let out a high-pitched moan, your hands automatically digging into his scalp, your fingers gripping his curly blonde locks. His tongue is skilled, his movements sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body.

“F-fuckin’ dick!” You manage to gasp out, your words quickly turning into broken moans and gasps as he continues his assault

Buck doesn’t stop, his tongue working you over, his lips and teeth nipping and sucking at you in all the right places. He loves the way you taste, and the sound of your moans. But he’s greedy, and he wants more.

He slides his hand from your knee to your core, one of his calloused fingers gently teasing at your entrance.

Your body is buzzing with pleasure and your mind is fogged with need. The feeling of his finger at your entrance, teasing and tantalizing is almost too much.

“O-Oh god, Buck…please…don’t stop!” You desperately gasp out, feeling the coil inside you building.

Buck groans against you, sending vibrations straight to your core, “You’re so damn wet.”

“All for you—Fuck!”

Buck practically groans with need at your words. He gently pushes one of his fingers into you, the slide easy due to your arousal. You throw your head back from the pleasure.

“You’re like heaven, baby.” Buck mumbles, his voice filled with awe as his finger continues to move, gently stretching you in preparation for more. “Like an angel…My pretty, perfect angel.”

You can’t respond, your words are caught in your throat, replaced by gasps and moans as Buck continues to work you. He adds another finger, scissoring them gently, the sensation making your eyes flutter shut.

“Look at me.” Buck commands, “Open your eyes, (y/n). Let me see you.”

With a great amount of effort, you force your eyes open, to meet his gaze. The sight before you is one that’ll be engraved into your memory forever.

Buck’s hair is a mess from your fingers running through it, his cheeks flushed, his lips and chin glistening with your arousal, eyes dark with lust and possessiveness that makes your skin flush with goosebumps. He looks wild, untamed, and yet he’s completely focused on you, on giving you pleasure.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good.” He whispers, his fingers curving slightly, the way that makes you see stars. “I’m gonna make you cum so hard that you forget your own name, how about that?”

“Yes, please!” You gasp, your words coming out needy and desperate. “Please, Buck, please. I need you-need you so bad.”

Reluctantly, Buck pulls his fingers from you, your walls fluttering around nothing. He doesn’t leave you waiting for long, shifting to kneel on the bed, his hands go to the edge of his underwear.

You watch, breathless and eager, as he slowly pushes down his boxer briefs, freeing his aching cock. The tip is red and dripping; you swear that you feel your mouth water.

“You see what you do to me? See what you caused?” Buck’s voice is rough, his breath coming out in heavy pants.

You run your eyes up and down his body, taking in the sight in front of you, the way his body is practically trembling, desperate for you. You lick your lips, your thoughts swarming with things that would make a sailor blush with shame.

“Please, Buck.”

He looks down at you, his eyes raking over your body, as he takes in the sight. You sound so needy, so desperate. He leans over you, his hands on either side of your head.

“Please, what, sweetheart?” He asks, his voice a low, teasing whisper.

You wrap your legs around his waist, your hands gripping his shoulders.

“Fuck. Me.”

Buck lets a curse slip from his lips as he captures yours in a hungry, rough kiss. One hand grasps your hip, while the other hand drifts to your thigh, gripping it firmly as he lines himself up at your entrance. Breaking the kiss, he lets his forehead rest against yours.

His eyes lock with yours, a silent question in his gaze. You nod, your hands running down his arms.

“Do it, Buck.” You say, your voice is desperate and whiny. “Please.”

Buck lets out a low moan at your voice, his body trembling from the effort of holding himself back. He can’t take it anymore, he needs you, needs to feel you around him, needs to taste you.

He slowly pushes into you, going as slowly as he can manage, relishing in the way your walls flutter against his member.

You let out a gasp, your hands tightening around his wrists, your eyes fluttering shut as you feel him fill you, stretch you in the best way possible. There’s a slight burn, but you welcome it as you shakily exhale.

“A-Ah...” Buck moans, his voice strained as his hands grip you tighter, burying himself fully inside you. His head drops to rest in the crease of your neck. “You feel… you feel so good—god, so warm.”

You let out a moan as he bottoms out, your mind lost in the pleasure of him filling you so perfectly. You want to tell him how good it feels, but words are lost amongst the fog in your mind.

Buck presses a kiss to your shoulder, his lips feeling like fire against your skin. His hand leaves your hip and moves to grip yours, his fingers carefully intertwining with yours. Using his other hand he gently cups your face, forcing you to look at him

“Look at me, baby.” He mutters against your skin, “I wanna see your face. I wanna see how good I make you feel. Can you do that for me?”

You force your eyes open, meeting his gaze. The way he’s looking at you makes your heart swell; his eyes are filled with such adoration, such love.

Buck lets out a pleased noise, “That’s it, so good for me. Look so pretty when you’re like this…all flushed and trembling, just from my touch.”

He gives a shallow, experimental thrust, eliciting a sharp gasp from you as an electric feeling shoots through your body.

He moans against your skin, the sound making the hairs on your neck stand up. He moves again, this time pulling out slightly before slowly pushing back into you. You gasp again, your hands grab at his shoulder; your nails breaking the skin.

He sets up a steady pace, pulling out and then pushing back in with slow, steady movements.

Each moan and gasp, each twitch of your brow or hitch in your breath, he takes it in, and stores it away. He shifts his hips slightly, changing the angle, and a guttural, desperate moan tumbles from your lips.

Buck lets out a taunting chuckle, “Did I find a sensitive spot, baby?” He asks, his voice teasing and gruff against your ear.

You can’t find it in you to respond, completely blissed out from the pleasure Buck is giving you. Your words catch in your throat, replaced by a series of ‘uh-uh-uhs’ as he continuously slams into you.

His pace quickens as his breath comes out in short pants, his hand gripping yours just a little bit tighter.

“F-Fuck…Who do you want?”

“You. Only you, Buck.”

Buck’s eyes close for a moment, a shudder raking through his body at your words. He lets out another moan, his head falling forward to rest his forehead against your shoulder as he untangles his hand from yours. Hastily he brings it down, harshly rubbing it against your sensitive bud.

The sudden change in stimuli makes your eyes roll back, the pleasure and heat reaching a breaking point.

“B-Buck, I’m not gonna—”

“I know, baby, I know.” He whines, his own voice wavering. “I want to feel you cum around me. C’mon, cum for me.”

That’s all it takes, the feeling of him inside you, the sound of his voice, the sensation of his hands on you against you���your orgasm crashes over you like a wave. Your entire body tenses, a broken moan falling from your lips as your back arches against Buck’s sweaty figure.

Buck groans as he feels you cum, your walls clenching around him tightly. His hips stutter, losing their steady rhythm as he pulls out and starts pumping himself over your stomach.

“Ngh—shit!” Buck gasps suddenly as he feels your fingers wrap around his weeping cock, taking over for him.

“(y-y/n), you don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.” You look up at him with a small, exhausted smile on your lips as you continue to leisurely pump him at your own pace.

Buck lets out a high-pitched whine, his hands gripping onto you tighter, “M-mm’ so close.”

“Then come for me, Evan.”

Buck lets out a desperate noise, the sound of his real name falling from your lips being his final breaking point.

“(y-y/n)—”

You keep stroking him through his orgasm, watching as his body shivers from the overstimulation. Slowly, Buck’s flushed face lifts from your shoulder, his breaths leaving his lips in heavy pants, the corners of his mouth turned up into a small smile. His blue eyes meet your gaze, they’re hazy and unfocused.

“God, I love you.” He mutters, his voice a little hoarse, but still filled with an amount of tenderness that makes your heart skip a beat.

You bring your clean hand up to his face, running it through his messy, tangled hair, your fingernails gently massaging his scalp “I love you too.”

Buck lets out a content hum, pressing a few soft kisses to your forehead, your cheeks, your nose—Anywhere he can reach without having to pull his body away from you.

You laugh softly at his affection, your chest filled with a warm, fuzzy feeling, a smile resting on your lips. You feel…at ease.

Happy.

Safe.

Buck slowly pulls away, just enough to move off your body and lay next to you. He instantly pulls you against his chest, one arm around your shoulders, cradling you against him. He sighs contentedly, burying his face in your hair, inhaling your scent.

You rest your head against his chest, the steady thump of his heartbeat under your ear grounding and soothing. Your eyes slowly close, your exhaustion finally catching up to you. You snuggle closer to Buck, a soft yawn escaping your lips.

Buck chuckles as he hears you yawn. He presses a kiss to the top of your head, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back.

“Sleep, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

You give a tiny hum, the sound of his voice and the feeling of his hand on your back making your eyelids grow heavier and heavier. Sleep starts to overtake you, but not before you mutter out one final sentence.

“I love you, Buck.”

Buck’s heart warms at your words. He pulls you even closer to him, relishing the feeling of having you this close. He presses a kiss to the top of your head again, his voice soft and gentle as he speaks.

“I love you too, (y/n). More than anything.”

[louiseolivier]

08x06 Delulu

Tevan are at the Italian restaurant. The Hot Waiter flirts with Buck. Buck's kinda oblivious. He unintentionally flirts back. Buck pays this time, and inside the folder with his card and receipt is Hot Waiter's phone number. Buck is a little weirded out because he feels like it's obvious he and Tommy are on a date.

For the most part, Tommy watches Buck and Hot Waiter's interaction in amusement. He jokes whether Buck is he's going to call him, and Buck is taken aback. Then Tommy gets serious.

"We haven't really talked about the kind of relationship you want."

Buck's confused. "What does that mean?"

"Just that there's more than one way to be in a relationship. I've been in a couple that were open."

"Open?"

"We were allowed to sleep with other people."

"I know what it means, Tommy. Is that what you want?"

"I want you to be happy. I want you to know I'm amenable to that if you're interested. Truth be told, Evan, the most important thing is that you're in my life, whether we’re together or not. 

Suddenly, the Ironside siren goes off in Buck’s head, and he’s spiraling.  

Tommy clasps his hand and looks at him like he’s the goddamn sun, moon, and stars. “Think about it. It’s not like it’s something you have to decide today.”

Cue Buck, going to Bobby. “I don’t know what to tell you, Buck, but I’ve seen you two together. I don’t think breaking up is something Tommy is even thinking about. The other stuff...you should talk to Tommy. Be upfront. Be honest. 

Cue Buck, going to Maddie. “Buck, he kissed you while you were still covered in boils. I saw that with my own eyes and wished I hadn’t. I don’t want to put words in his mouth, but he does seem very committed to you. And to be perfectly honest, the open relationship doesn’t sound like something he’d suggest out of thin air. Maybe you said something...”

“You’re blaming me? Come on, Maddie! You know damn well that’s not how I roll. I slept around, yeah, but not while I was in a relationship - and don’t you dare bring up Taylor! Besides, an agreed upon “open” means consensual. I just - how did I miss that this was something he was interested in? Why would he wait six months to bring it up?”

A sound of disgust emanates from the corner of the call center's breakroom, and the Buckley siblings' heads swivel to its location. Josh is sitting at a table, sipping his coffee and rolling his eyes. “You sweet naive baby bi.” He gets up from his chair, sidles up to Buck, and eyes the donuts he brought for Maddie. “I don’t suppose there's a Bavarian cream in there?”

“There’s a jelly,” Buck says. 

“But jellies are my favorite,” Maddie complains. 

“Too bad. I’m about to help your chaotic brother out, so I deserve it.” Josh bites into the donut and gives an appreciative moan. “Oh god, I haven’t had refined sugar in three days. How I missed you.”

“Back to me, please,” Buck says with a whine.

“Look, it’s pretty simple. There are only two types of guys who want to open up a relationship after the six-month mark. Assholes carrying multiple red flags or..”

“Tommy’s not an asshole,” Buck tells him firmly. 

“Considering he’d whittle a rocking chair if you asked him to, I’d agree. Buck, my guess is he’s scared. He's worried that if he doesn't give you a free pass, that you'll get bored with him and leave.”

“That’s so stupid,” Buck cries in dismay. 

Maddie lays a supportive hand on his bicep. 

“It is,” Josh agrees. “But just because your man is a solid L.A. nine doesn’t mean he’s not carrying around a lot of insecurities. Talk to him. Tell him. And hey, if it all blows up on you, send him my way. I’d love to be that man’s shoulder to cry on.”

Buck shows up at Tommy’s door. Tommy is supposed to come to his after finishing his laundry, but Buck doesn’t want to wait that long. “Hey,” Tommy greets him with that scrunchy smile Buck loves so much. 

“I don’t want to have sex with anyone else,” Buck tells him as he barges through the door. 

“Oh-kay,” Tommy says, closing the door behind Buck. 

“Do you want to have sex with other men?”

Tommy crosses his arms, and his head tilts towards the ground. “No. I’ve come to learn that’s not an ideal situation for me.”

Buck scoffs. “Then why suggest it?”

The buzzer on the washer goes off, and Tommy moves towards it to switch out the load. “I don’t know. I’m pretty used to you flirting with everyone.”

“You think I flirt?” 

“Evan, you told the waiter you liked his chinos while eyeing his ass. Most of the time, I think it’s cute how you rile people up without realizing it, but then I have a thought like, what if Hot Waiter would be a better match for you? So I panicked and threw out that suggestion.” 

“Jesus, Tommy. For the past six months, my brain has been consumed by nothing but you. Yet you think I can be swayed by some guy in a comfortable pair of pants? I only want you.”

“I know. I do. You prove that to me every day. I didn’t suggest it because I don’t trust you.” Tommy tosses one of Buck’s hoodies into the dryer and starts it. He can’t keep eye contact with Buck for more than a few seconds, and he looks paler than when Buck first arrived. Tommy’s also picking his middle fingernail with his thumb, and that’s Tommy’s tell that he’s feeling overwhelmed. “Uh, so like, I’m in this for the long haul. I think you’re it for me, Evan, and I don’t want you to ever feel like you’ve settled or...”

“I love you,” Buck tells him with a certainty he doesn’t think he felt even eight hours ago, but it’s the god’s honest truth. “Just seeing you makes me feel so full I could combust. ”

Tommy’s eyes are glossy and he blinks rapidly to keep the tears at bay. He finally locks eyes with Buck. “Loving you has been living in the back of my mind since...I honestly don’t know how long. I’ve been trying to temper my expectations because I haven’t been super successful in relationships. But then you started leaving clothes here, and suddenly you’ve infiltrated my life like no one else has been willing to. Next thing I know, I’m at a funeral for a long dead cowboy. I watched you embrace the memory of a forgotten man, and I realized I couldn’t love you more, Evan. Boils and all.”

Aaaaand that’s it. I’m tapped out.

[redocity]

Had a thought, where since buck is a God damn redwood, reader jokingly stands on a coffee table to look down at him and cup his face to kiss him and he absolutely adores whenever it happens

STEP-UP — E.BUCKLEY

you’re not exactly gifted in the height department, so you have to use a bit of extra help to reach your giant of a boyfriend.

evan buckley x short!reader | 1.5k | fluff | masterlist.

a/n — oh to stand on a coffee table so i can kiss my tall-ass bf 😔✊

It started really as a one-off.

Buck was all broad shoulders and strong arms, a hulking redwood of a man who seemed to tower over everyone and everything. And you? Well… not so much.

You’d grown used to tilting your head back to meet his eyes, to stretching onto your tiptoes just to kiss him. But that one night, when something in the air felt light, fun, you’d found yourself getting creative.

It had been after dinner, a quiet evening in the apartment, the smell of spices lingering in the kitchen as the two of you moved through your usual routines.

He’d been washing the dishes, his tall, muscular frame filling the small space as you leaned against the couch, watching him.

Buck always made everything look so effortless, even something as simple as cleaning up, defined arms reaching across the surface with ease.

You shook your head, amused at the sight, and thats when the idea hit you.

As he returned, you stepped up onto the low coffee table that sat between the couch and the TV, elevating yourself just enough that when he looked back at you, for once, you were looking down at him.

It was barely half an inch, but you were satisfied.

“Whatcha doing up there?” He asked, chuckling softly, his voice rumbling softly in his chest.

“Just wanted to see what it feels like to be you for once,” you teased, stepping closer to the edge of the table. You were now eye level with him, something that almost never happened unless he was sat down.

He was so tall, so big, that it felt like half the time you were craning your neck just to meet his gaze.

Buck’s grin grew, his blue eyes twinkling as he stepped forward, standing just inches away from you. He wasn’t stupid—he knew what was coming, but he liked to play along. That was the thing about Buck; he had a sense humour to match his size.

You loved that about him, loved that despite his intimidating appearance, he was so easygoing, so ready to engage in your playful moments.

“Well,” you said, cupping his face with both hands, your palms warm against his stubbled cheeks. “This is how it feels to be tall,”

And before he could respond, you leaned in and kissed him. It was soft, tender, and for once, you didn’t have to strain or stretch or find some weird angle to reach him. For the first time in what felt like forever, you were the one with the advantage. When you pulled back, he was still smiling, eyes closed, clearly savoring the moment.

“How’s the weather up there?” he teased, voice low and affectionate.

You laughed, patting his chest. “Nothing but sunny skies,”

Buck hummed out a laugh as his palms splayed over your hips, although he didn’t get to bask in the moment for too long.

“Is that shelf always that dusty?”

—

That had been the beginning of it.

From then on, whenever you were in the mood to mess with him or just wanted to kiss him without feeling like you needed a step stool, you’d find something to stand on.

The stairs, a chair, even a curb if you were out walking. Each time, you’d make some cheeky comment about your newfound height, and each time, Buck would play along, leaning into your touch with a fond smile, like he couldn’t get enough.

It was as if, in those moments, the world shrank a little.

Buck’s usual stature seemed to fade, and the dynamic between the two of you shifted, becoming something even more intimate.

You could see it in his eyes, how much he adored it when you cupped his face and brought him down to your level. He never seemed to mind that you were taking a playful jab at his height. In fact, if anything, he seemed to love you more for it.

One evening, after a particularly grueling shift at the firehouse, Buck came home looking more worn than usual. His broad shoulders were slumped, and there were dark circles under his eyes, the weight of the day’s work evident in every step he took.

You had been waiting for him, curled up on the couch, but the moment you saw him, you knew he needed something to lift his spirits.

Without saying a word, you hopped off the couch and walked over to the stairs, climbing two steps before turning to face him. He looked up at you, tired but curious, his lips quirking into a small smile despite himself.

“Again?” he asked, his voice rough from the long day.

“Come here,” You beckoned softly, your hands already reaching out for him.

He moved toward you, and when he was standing in front of the stairs, you reached up, cupping his face just like you had so many times before.

This time, though, you were gentle, your thumbs brushing over the scruff on his cheeks as you tilted his head up to meet yours.

“I missed you today,” you whispered, pressing your lips to his in a slow, lingering kiss.

When you pulled back, you kept your hands on his face, looking down at him with all the love and affection you could muster. “Rough shift?”

He closed his eyes for a moment, exhaling deeply, and when he opened them again, that familiar softness had returned. The exhaustion was still there, but it wasn’t weighing him down quite as much anymore.

His hands came to rest on your waist, holding you close, and for a moment, you just stood there, savouring the quiet between you.

“Yeah,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “But it’s much better now,”

—

Over time, your little ritual became a balm for the both of you. Whenever things felt heavy, or when the world outside was too much, you’d find a way to shrink the distance between you.

It was a small, silly thing, but it meant something. It was a reminder that despite the difference in your heights, in your physicalities, you were equals in every other way.

You grounded him, gave him something to hold onto when the days got long and the nights got lonely.

One weekend, you found yourselves at a park near your apartment, enjoying a rare day off together.

Buck had insisted on taking you to this spot, one that overlooked the city and had the perfect view of the sunset. As the two of you walked along the path, hand in hand, you came across a low stone wall that lined the edge of the trail.

Without thinking, you hopped up onto it, grinning as Buck looked up at you, amused as ever. You walked along the wall, balancing carefully as he followed alongside you, his hand resting on your hip to steady you.

“Are you ever going to stop doing this?” he asked, though his smile told you he didn’t really want you to.

“Nope,” you replied, hopping off the wall and landing right in front of him. “Never,”

Buck chuckled, shaking his head as he pulled you into his arms, lifting you slightly off the ground as he kissed you.

You melted into him, wrapping your arms around his neck as his hands held you securely. Even though you were back to being shorter than him, it didn’t matter. In moments like these, there was no difference. It was just the two of you, wrapped up in each other, everything else fading away.

After he set you back down, you rested your forehead against his chest, listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath your ear.

His arms tightened around you, and you knew, without a doubt, that this was where you belonged. Whether you were standing on a table or two steps up, or just in his arms, the height didn’t matter.

What mattered was the way he looked at you, the way he held you, like you were the only thing in the world that could make him feel whole.

“Love you,” you murmured, your voice muffled against his shirt.

“Love you too,” he whispered back, his lips pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head.

From that moment on, every time you stood on something to kiss him, it wasn’t just a joke anymore. It was a promise.

A promise that no matter how tall the trees grew or how high the flames rose, you’d always find a way to reach him.

And Buck? He’d always be there, looking up at you with that same adoration in his eyes, grateful for every kiss you gave him, no matter how high up you had to go to deliver it.

[munsonsmixtapes]

Say Don't Go

Evan "Buck" Buckley x fem!reader

summary: tensions rise between you and Buck as you find out that he works for you uncle and he learns you're Bobby's niece, forcing the two of you to make a decision on where your relationship stands

word count: 3k

part one part three part four part five part six

Buck could not believe it. The first woman he was attracted to in months was Bobby’s niece? He really was always getting dealt a shit hand. He was going to ask you out on an official date and bring you flowers and shower you with compliments and make stupid jokes to make the both of you less nervous. He supposed now that it was only a pipe dream. And all because you were related to his boss. 

“Bobby, I didn’t know you had a niece,” Buck spoke up, trying to seem nonchalant, as if he didn’t feel like he was going to throw up. And he did, the idea of running to the restroom sounding real inviting. 

“She’s my sister’s kid,” Bobby replied, pulling you into his side in a protective manner then pointed at the man. “Don’t get any ideas, Buck,” he said with a wink, but the threat seemed very serious. Too bad the ship had already sailed and was on the verge of sinking. 

You eyed Buck and shook your head as if to tell him to not come any closer. You wanted to speak to him about the whole situation, but you couldn’t without everyone noticing that the two of you had disappeared and jumped to their own conclusions. You were going to have to meet on your own time to avoid suspicions. Especially Bobby’s. 

The man had become very protective of you since the day you were born and would continue to do so until he took his last breath. Since your father was never in the picture, he felt the need to step up and be exactly what you needed. He was there for everything: your first steps, helping you ride a bike without training wheels, your first date. Yes, he sat in the back row of the movie theater, watching the two of you like a hawk, making sure the kid didn’t try anything. 

Bobby would not have been happy if he found out that Buck had even looked at you in a flirty manner let alone slept with you. It wasn’t that he didn’t think that Buck wasn’t fit to be your boyfriend, but more like any man wasn’t fit for the role. 

You eyed Buck practically the entire time but tried not to draw attention to yourself as you did it. Tension was rising and you really hoped that no one else could see it. Especially since you were the guest of honor and couldn’t fade into the background like you desperately wanted to. 

“Everyone,” Bobby stood behind you, resting his hands on your shoulders. “This is my niece, y/n. And I expect you all to welcome her as an honorary member of the 118. She’s going to be here for a while. Y/n, this is Hen and her wife Karen,” he pointed to the Black woman who was standing next to Buck. She gave you a hug and you were quick to return it. “And Buck and his sister, Maddie.” You looked at Buck and didn’t miss the look on his face as your eyes glanced at him to look at his sister. His face was white. Almost as if he had seen a ghost. You ignored it for the moment and tried your best to listen to Bobby’s introductions of his team. “And that’s Chimney,” Bobby gestured to the Asian man who was on Buck’s other side. Oh, you so had to hear the backstory about that nickname. “And Eddie and his son, Christopher.” You turned your attention to one of the most beautiful men you had ever seen and a young boy who was using crutches. 

Hugs were all passed around as you were introduced and you all mingled as you sipped on your drinks, waiting for dinner to be ready. You got into a conversation with Maddie about nursing, but you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander to her brother who had been in what looked a deep conversation with Eddie. You couldn’t help but feel like word about your night together was somehow going to get to your uncle and you didn’t even know why you cared so much. You were an adult now and really had no reason to hide to from Bobby. Maybe he’d be a little upset at first, but he’d come around. 

“So, that’s the girl you hooked up with the other night?” Eddie asked, holding back a laugh. It was just too good, almost like the plot of a telanovela he’d watched with Christopher. Of course something like that would have happened to Buck. That sounded exactly like something that would have happened to him. 

“Yes,” Buck nodded. 

“And she’s Bobby’s niece?” All Buck could do was glare at Eddie. It was almost as if he wasn't listening at all. And for once, this was a very serious matter. His life was doomed as he knew it and Eddie was just laughing it off as if it was all just a big joke. And Buck supposed that maybe it was.

“Yes. Weren’t you listening?” He was now on edge, for whatever reason, feeling paranoid that Bobby had been listening even though the man was all the way across the room joking around with Michael.

“Hey, relax," Eddie pat his friend's shoulder. Sometimes Buck just really needed to relax. "I’m just making sure I’m getting the facts right. I can't believe that out of all of the people in Los Angeles that you slept with Bobby's niece. Oh, Chim is gonna get a kick out of this."

Eddie burst into laughter, really getting a kick out of his friend's pain, but he couldn't help it. It was all just too funny to not laugh a little at the unfortunate events of his friend's life. He was just happy that he wasn't in Buck's shoes.

“But you're not gonna tell Chim," he gave Eddie a warning look. "This secret dies with us. And I swear if you tell Bobby-" Both of the men knew that whatever threat came out of Buck's mouth would be empty, but Eddie wanted to know what would have been in store for him if he had broken his promise.

“You’ll do what, Buck?” He crossed his arms over his chest, tilting his head to the side in curiosity.

“I don’t know, but It’ll be bad.”

“Sure, whatever you say, buddy." Eddie gave his shoulder a pat as Bobby had everyone gather around before they all sat down to eat.

“Alright, everyone dinner is served and before we sit, I’d to make a toast,” Bobby spoke up and you could see his eyes getting misty already. “The moment I held you after you were born, I knew that you’d be destined for greatness,” he started and you knew that his speech was going to be a tear jerker just like always. 

“I remember when you were three and insisted on fixing my “wounds” with your little doctor’s kit that I had gotten you for Christmas. You told me that you were going to be a nurse and save lives and look at you now. You graduated nursing school and got a job at your first choice hospital. I’m so proud of you, kiddo. So, if everyone would raise their glasses.” Everyone did as they asked as Bobby raised his own that was filled with soda. “To y/n,” he said. 

“To y/n,” everyone repeated and they all clinked their glasses together before cheering, giving you a round of applause. After the excitement died down, everyone sat down at the table, the only spot available being the one to the left of you that Buck was reluctant to occupy. 

“Oh-“ he said, cutting himself off and everyone was quick to turn to him. To them, it was just the only available seat. To you and Buck, though, it was more than that. If he sat next to you, the awkward tension would only rise and Buck really didn’t want to make it all about him when this was your party. 

“You can sit there, Buck,” Bobby told him. “Y/n doesn’t bite.” Buck’s mind immediately flashed to a couple of nights ago when you had done just that. When you had actually bitten him and been the cause of the healing hickey on his neck. 

“Yeah, Buck,” youpulled the chair out for him to take a seat. “I don’t bite,” you winked, a joke just between the two of you. Buck hesitantly sat next to you, being very obvious unlike you. He might as well have just told the entire table that the two of you had slept together while he was at it. 

“So, y/n,” Hen spoke up. “What’s your position at the hospital?” 

“Labor and delivery,” you told her. You always loved the idea of bringing new life into the world and after doing a few residencies and following nurses around who did just that, you knew that was the career for you. 

“That’s so admirable,” Hen smiled warmly. Just from what Bobby had told her about you, she was sure that you were going to do really well in the medical field. That you were a hard worker and never took no for an answer. “I’m sure you’re going to do great.” 

“Well, thank you. And thank you, Robert, for this amazing celebration,” you gestured to the all of the nurse themed decorations all over the main level of the house and even out on the patio where you were all sitting. 

“That was actually all Athena,” Bobby corrected, feeling like he should’ve let his wife take the credit for all the hard work she put in to make the house look nice. 

“Well, thank you, Athena,” you turned to the woman she nodded enthusiastically, wanting you to know just how much she enjoyed planning the entire thing for you, knowing that it meant a lot to Bobby because of how close he was to you. 

“Of course,” she replied. “It was my absolute pleasure.” 

You looked around at everyone sitting at the table and despite not knowing most of them, you felt but nothing but loved sitting at that table, discussing everything and nothing as you all ate the meal that Bobby prepared for you all. You had felt alone your entire life, only having Scarlett, your mom, and Bobby as your family and now all of the people he had been closest to were welcoming you into their world with open arms, and you couldn’t help but feel more lucky. 

You hesitantly turned to Buck and noticing him picking around his plate, the dish almost full signifying that he hadn’t really eaten anything. And you didn’t blame him. You hadn’t much of an appetite either considering the whole situation and for a second there, you completely had forgotten about him. It seemed that neither of you had the best luck in the dating apartment, so of course, as fate would have it, you couldn’t be together. Or more like shouldn’t considering the whole situation. It would have just been weird and awkward and maybe it would have just been for the best if you just left it at a one night stand. 

Dinner came to a close and by the end of it, you were all sharing funny stories from your careers and just from the one meal you had with them, you knew you were going to enjoy spending more time with them. Maybe if you asked Bobby, you all could have had more meals together like you had heard they did at the 118. You would have really enjoyed that. You were really looking forward to having a real family. 

The members of the 118 all lingered at the door like usual, all hesitant to go back to their homes. All except Buck. He was getting antsy to get the hell out of there and to probably never speak to you again. He could run into a burning building without batting an eye, but when it came to his personal life, all he wanted to do was run away. He absolutely hated confrontation and was going to avoid the inevitable as long as possible.

He looked at you, watching you laugh with his sister and could easily see the three of you getting together for dinner. You'd sit next to him and his hand would reach for yours and you'd give him a warm smile as Maddie looked at the both of you, so happy that her brother had finally real, true love.

The dream quickly faded away as Buck accepted that he was going to let you slip through his fingers. The whole thing was just too complicated and he wasn't going to put you through all of that, especially since you were just getting started with your career. You already had too much on your plate and he didn't think there was enough room for him.

"Right, Buck?" Bobby asked, giving his shoulder a pat and Buck turned to the man in confusion, not even aware that he was even being spoken to.

"I'm sorry, what?" You were still swirling around in his mind even though he was trying hard to focus on what Bobby had been saying.

"You're coming in on time tomorrow, right?" He had still been teasing about him being late a couple of days ago and Buck just rolled his eyes. Now he didn't have a reason to be late anymore and he kind of hated it.

"Yes sir," Buck nodded. "Good night, Bobby."

"Good night, Buck." Bobby gave his shoulder a squeeze and Buck gave you one last look before turning on his heel to head to his jeep.

You watched Buck walk to his vehicle, wondering why he had said goodbye to everyone but you. What, so he found out that you were Bobby's niece and now he was giving you the silent treatment? How was that fair? Maybe everything that happened that night was all part of an act and now he was just showing you his true self.

So maybe that night wasn't as special to you as it was to him. You had even considered asking him out, but now you guessed you had just dogged a bullet. He was just like the other's and at least this one saved you the headache by ghosting you instead of pursuing you only to show no interest in you the entire duration the relationship. You supposed it saved you some tissues knowing who he was from the get go.

One week later

You pulled up to the fire station, feeling anger course through you as you put Scarlett's car in park. You had tried to reach out to Buck multiple times since the party only to be met by nothing but silence. Even if nothing happened between the two of you, you felt like you at least deserved an explanation. Didn't your feelings matter too? Apparently not to him.

So, you decided to show up the one place he couldn't run from so you could have a conversation with him. You weren't sure how you were going to do that with all those people around, but you'd figure things out. You always did.

You marched into the station, scanning the place for Buck and noticed that everyone was surrounding the engine, wiping it down or cleaning the interior. Eddie was the first to spot you and he pointed wordlessly to the other side of the engine, assuming that you were there for Buck.

You rounded the back of the engine and made a beeline for the man, grabbing onto his arm, pulling him somewhere more private, deciding that right by the bathrooms was really the only spot that was as out of sight as you could get. You stopped there and Buck could practically see the flames forming in your eyes because of how angry you were. Women had been mad at him more times than he could count, but never like that. If looks could kill, he definitely would have been dead.

"You're an asshole," you told him, trying your best not to yell. For once, Buck was very aware of the hurt he had caused. And now he was paying for it. With the way you were balling your fists, you looked like you were going to punch him, and for the first time, he was going to take it because he felt like he deserved it.

"Am I?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. Buck didn't know why he was being such a dick, but now he felt like he had stick with it since he had already committed to the role. He honestly wasn't expecting you to show up. The most he ever got was an angry phone call. Perhaps you showing up was a sign that you weren't willing to give up on him like everyone else.

"Yes!" Your voice was a little loud, but you couldn't have cared less. He deserved to know just how angry you were and for once, you didn't care about embarrassing him. That was the least he deserved.

"I had a really nice time with you. You made me feel special. I hadn't slept with anyone in a long time and I trusted you. I trusted you, Evan. And then you find out that Bobby's my uncle and you run? If you didn't want to see me again, the least you could have done was told me. But no, you're nothing but a coward."

Bobby stood on the other side of the wall, listening to the entire thing. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but he had left the restroom just as you and Buck went to block the exit and he couldn't have passed without revealing that he had heard everything and he couldn't have that. At least, not yet. Tension was already high and he didn't want to make it worse.

Bobby didn't know what was worse, hearing that you had slept with Buck, or the fact that he made you cry. So not only did the guy sleep with you, but he also completely ghosted you and hurt your feelings. That was three strikes so Buck was out. At least, for the near future. Just as you were leaving, the sirens went off, signaling that there was a call.

Buck tried to follow you, but Eddie stopped him and Buck watched you leave from over Eddie's shoulder. Eddie turned him around and pushed Buck towards the engine, but Bobby stopped him.

"I'm benching you today, Buck." Maybe it was wrong of him to bring his personal life into work, but nobody was allowed to hurt his little girl. Not even Buck. Especially not Buck.

"Why?" Buck didn't like the assumption his brain was coming to and he really didn't like being benched after being yelled at by a girl he really liked.

"I'm the captain and what I say goes. The dishes really need to be done, so could you take care of that?" With that, Bobby got into the engine and both it and the truck pulled out of the station, leaving Buck with nothing but his thoughts and a sink full of dishes that needed to be done.

[trashremover43]

Evan Buckley had always thought of himself as a pretty straightforward guy. He liked fast cars, loud music, and women. That was it. Simple. Straightforward. No complications.

So when Tommy Kinard walked into the firehouse six weeks ago, all tall, broad-shouldered, and blue-eyed, Buck’s first thought had been, Wow, that guy looks like a G.I. Joe action figure. A totally normal, dude-bro thought.

The second thought had been less normal: I wonder what it would feel like to have him look at me like that.

Buck didn’t know what “that” was, exactly, but it kept happening. Tommy would talk to him about a call, or glance his way during a basketball game, and Buck’s brain would short-circuit. The worst part? Buck couldn’t even blame adrenaline for it.

And today, it finally hit him—like a truck, like a ten-car pileup on the freeway, like Bobby’s disappointed face when Buck forgot to check the truck inventory. He wasn’t just thinking about Tommy a lot; he was thinking about Tommy a lot.

It happened mid-lunch. Hen, Chim, Eddie, and Buck were eating in the kitchen when Tommy strolled in, looking stupidly good in a plain black T-shirt and jeans. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, gave everyone a casual nod, and leaned against the counter.

Buck, mid-chew on a sandwich, felt his brain betray him. God, his forearms look amazing. How is that even possible? Who has hot forearms

Hen squinted at him. “You good, Buckaroo? You’ve been chewing that sandwich for about five years.”

“Fine!” Buck practically yelled, swallowing the bite with an audible gulp.

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Uh...okay?”

Buck fled the room, muttering something about checking the inventory.

---

“Let me get this straight,” Hen said later, cornering Buck in the locker room. “You have a crush on Tommy?”

“I—what? No!” Buck’s voice cracked, which immediately betrayed him. “I mean, no. Of course not. That’s ridiculous. I’m...straight.”

Hen crossed her arms and leaned against the lockers. “Sure you are, Buck.”

“I am!”

“Uh-huh. So that’s why you’ve been staring at Tommy like a lovesick puppy every time he breathes in your general direction?”

“I don’t—” Buck stopped. He did. Oh God, he did.

Hen smirked, clearly enjoying herself. “You know what? This is going to be fun. I can’t wait to see how you try to deny this while making a fool of yourself in front of him.”

Buck groaned, slumping against the lockers. “Hen, this isn’t funny. What if...what if he realizes?”

Hen shrugged. “Oh, he won’t. Tommy thinks you’re straight. Chim told him.”

“Chim told him?!”

“Yep.” Hen’s smirk widened. “So, uh, good luck convincing him otherwise.”

---

That night, Buck lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. His mind was a whirlwind of questions. Was he really into Tommy? Or was it just some weird, temporary thing?

It’s just a phase, he told himself. Like when I was obsessed with pineapple pizza for two months. That went away.

But then he remembered Tommy laughing at one of Chim’s dumb jokes earlier, the way his whole face lit up, and Buck felt his stomach do a stupid little flip.

Nope. This wasn’t a phase. This was something else entirely.

By 2 AM, Buck had spiraled so far that he found himself googling, “How to seduce a man when you’re not gay but you think you might like him?”

The results were...not helpful.

Step 1: Be confident.

Great, I’m confident. I can do this.

Step 2: Compliment him often, but not too much.

Okay, I can say nice things. Like...“Nice arms, bro.” Wait, no, that’s weird. Damn it.

Step 3: Physical touch can help build chemistry.

Right. Totally casual. Like a shoulder pat. Or...I don’t know, leaning against him during movie night? Would that be weird?

By the time his alarm went off a few hours later, Buck had decided on a plan: he was going to be subtle. Just ease into it. Maybe start with some compliments, see how Tommy reacted.

It would be fine. Totally fine.

---

It was not fine.

By 9 AM, Buck had already managed to embarrass himself twice.

First, during morning roll call, when Bobby was assigning roles for the day. Tommy volunteered for a routine inspection, and Buck, for reasons he couldn’t explain, immediately blurted out, “I’ll go with him!”

The entire team turned to stare at him.

Bobby raised an eyebrow. “I was going to assign Eddie, but...sure, Buck. If you’re that enthusiastic about fire extinguisher checks.”

Tommy just shrugged, but Hen was smirking again.

Second, during the actual inspection, Buck tried to compliment Tommy’s skills. What he meant to say was, “You’re really thorough.” What came out was, “You’re, uh...really good with your hands.”

Tommy froze, extinguisher in hand, and gave Buck the most confused look of all time.

“Thanks?” Tommy said slowly.

Buck wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

---

By lunchtime, Buck was ready to give up. He was a disaster. A walking, talking disaster. Subtlety clearly wasn’t his thing, and Tommy probably thought he’d lost his mind.

But then Tommy walked past him in the kitchen, gave him a brief, curious look, and smiled.

Buck’s heart skipped a beat.

Maybe he wasn’t as hopeless as he thought.

[blackcoldcrackedheart]

Might write it out more.

Tommy isn't religious, but he's praying to whomever can hear him that the boy,who looks barely two or three years old, is okay.

He wants to desperately curse out the parents for being stupid enough to go hiking when the Santa Ana winds were getting stronger.

Tommy picks up the kid gingerly, waiting for his team to pull the parents first since they weren't responding. The kid had a horrible open wound that Tommy was betting was a fracture but the kid's eyes were open and he seemed alert- scared really.

Something about the kid's eyes felt eerily familiar- a sense of deja vu washed over Tommy. The kid's eyes were starting blue and so animated, that Tommy was sure he could read the kid's thoughts just by looking into his eyes.

He gently pushed back the kid's blond curly hair back, pressing against the wound as the kid's eyes could only look around in fear. "Hey, I'm Tommy. What you're name, kiddo?"

"Danny." The kid slurred, his voice barely a whisper. "Mommy and daddy hurt?"

Tommy nodded, "Yes, your mommy and daddy got hurt but my friends are gonna help, okay? We're all firefighters and we're gonna take you to the hospital so you can feel better." He explained gently. He looked up to the helicopter that Lucy was piloting l. The winds were harsh and he had covered Danny's face from having to see his parents sway in the wind as they were being pulled into the helicopter.

"Firetruck?" Danny's eyes were filled with wonder and excitement, of course the kid would love firetrucks.

Tommy laughed, " When we get out of here, we can go see firetrucks with your mom and dad. Okay?"

Danny's eyes drooped close, Tommy patted the toddler's face gently, "Hey buddy, I know you're tired, but I need you to stay awake."

"I'm not tired, Tummy."

Tommy nearly snickered at that, the kid was such a cutie pie. "Hey, what if we sang a song? Want to sing me a song?"

He heard it before he heard his team yell.

The sound of the ground shifting.

"KINARD!"

-

Amir was ready by the doors for EMT to come through with the second party of the hill avalanche call.

The first set to come through was a couple, younger than Amir. Amir knew that they were able to get the name of the man since he had on a medical bracelet- Connor. They were both rushed to the OR due to being in critical conditions. Amir wasn't sure if either one would make it just based on the amount of blood he saw on the emt workers working on them.

He waited and saw his patient coming in.

"What do we have today?" Amir asked, taking control of the gurney that had the third adult.

"40 years old white male, lacerations on the back of the head, severe bruising on his back and legs, possible fracture on his left leg and possible crush hip." The rushed blond emt informed him, Amir's eyes followed the fourth gurney that was trailing behind them, this one carrying much smaller patient

"Is that his kid?" Amir asked, the kid looked rough and bloodied, with another nurse taking over the bagging for the kid's ventilation.

Another emt looked the blond woman worriedly, "No, he's one of ours, Tommy Kinard. The kid belongs to the parents who were rushed in earlier."

Amir sighed, "Noted, we'll take it from here guys."

-

The five mile run didn't do anything to calm Buck's nerves.

He still wanted to call Tommy.

More now than ever since he felt like he was losing his family again.

He wanted to be supportive of Eddie, of Maddie and Chim, and Bobby.

But a part of him felt like he couldn't.

Especially that part that saw a future with Tommy.

He chucked his headphones onto the kitchen counter and was ready to do the same with his phone when he saw a familiar number calling him.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Evan Buckley?"

Buck could already feel himself start to worry, no one typically asked that question unless it was related to something bad.

"Uh, ye-yeah, this is Evan Buckley." Buck replied roughly.

"I'm calling from Cedar-Sinai hospital, I'm calling about Thomas Kinard? You're listed as his emergency contact."

Buck felt his blood rush to his ears, he was sure words were said but he was on auto-pilot now. He understood a few words the nurse was telling him as he grabbed his keys and wallet: severe injuries, avalanche, helicopter rescue, kid.

Buck just needed to get to Tommy.

Part 2

[dashing-disaster]

Bad Beer and Naked Rodents

Thank you @xmidhel for beta reading!

also on AO3

“You know,” Sal drawls, twisting the cap off another beer and handing it over, “for someone with an above average IQ, you’re dense as fuck.”

Tommy glares but accepts the bottle without protest. It’s his third. He takes a long sip and shudders. Bud Light. Why did Sal have to be such a fucking stereotype? But he was too tired to complain. He was too tired to do much of anything right now.

“He’s not wrong,” Lucy said to his left and Tommy directed his glare towards her instead. Like Sal, she wasn’t impressed.

“What? You know it’s true. There you are, genuinely happy for the first time in…” she pauses to think, “for the first time since I met you, actually.”

“Ever” Tommy supplies miserably, sinking further into the couch cushions. Something pokes into his right kidney and he reaches underneath himself, pulling out a small doll with messy blue hair, a pink ruffled dress and a … horn?

“Unicorn Barbie,” Sal exclaims and snags the doll from his hand. “Thanks man, you just saved this household a lot of sweat and tears. Look, babe, he found her!”

“Uncle Tommy to the rescue,” Gina says dryly, without even looking up from her laptop where she’s furiously typing some email that’s probably important and Tommy feels a pang of guilt at intruding on her peace and quiet unannounced at 9pm on a week day, Lucy in tow. He’s unable to dwell on it, however, because Lucy pipes up again.

“Let’s circle back here for a moment, your life was going great, you were happy, your hair was even starting to look good-“

“Hey!”

“Don’t interrupt me, Thomas. My point is, you got scared of commitment for three seconds and tell Evan Buckley, Evan Buckley, to go off to frolic on Grindr? I’m sorry, but do you know how stupid that is? Do you have any idea what happens to guys like Evan Buckley on Grindr?”

“Say his name like that one more time and I swear to God.” It comes out with far more venom than intended and he cringes internally. Why does he have to be such a bitch? It’s a credit to their love for him that none of his friends even bat an eye.

They’re not gentle either, and Tommy’s kind of glad about it. He doesn’t deserve gentle. Not now, maybe not ever again.

“What happens to guys like him on Grindr,” Sal asks curiously and then frowns. “And what do you know about Grindr?”

“My cousin wanted to try it out but he’s super paranoid about technology stealing his data, man’s still got a Nokia. So we set up his profile on my phone. He decided it wasn’t for him 10 minutes in but I kept the app and sometimes I go window shopping when downtime gets too long.”

“Why am I not surprised in the slightest,” Tommy mutters into his beer. Lucy is undeterred.

“Anyway, Gabe’s no hag either and similarly baby-faced as Buck so every time I open the app they’re on him in minutes. Seriously, it’s like The Walking Dead and some of the messages I get are borderline illegal. And don’t get me started on the dick pics. They’re not even nice-looking dicks most of the time.”

“Is there such a thing as a nice-looking dick? I’ve always found they all look a little like mole-rats.”

Sal, who’s been fiddling with Unicorn Barbie’s hair in a futile attempt to get out some of the knots pauses and makes a pitiful little sound staring wide-eyed at his wife who’s still neither looking up from her screen, nor is she pausing her aggressive typing, and Tommy’s both impressed and a little scared of that level of multi-tasking.

“Don’t worry, bud, Gi loves your dick. You’ve got three little monsters to prove it.”

Sal shoots Lucy a look so dirty Tommy almost laughs.

“I love the man attached to it. It’s still a mole-rat, though.” A beat of silence, then Gina looks up from her laptop for the first time in two hours, finding her husband’s eyes across the coffee table. “I love mole-rats.”

Lucy snorts, but Sal looks so pleased even Tommy has to smile.

“Still, though,” Lucy picks up the previous topic again, “are we sure it’s a good idea to throw Buck into a world of mole-rats and creepy old dudes wanting him to call them ‘daddy’?”

Tommy decidedly does not look in Sal’s direction. He loves Lucy and Gina but this is a topic one only discusses with one’s very best of friends.

“A world of disappointment, more like. Buck’s had Tommy now, anything else will just be a let-down.” The dirty grin spreading on Sal’s face tells Tommy he’s about to be in trouble. And he’s right.

“We didn’t call my boy here Nine-Inch-Nail in high school for nothin’.”

“Okay, first of all, that is such a lie,” the grin goes impossibly wider, “and second, I am not 9 inches, okay?”

Three sets of eyes wander down to his crotch and if it wasn’t these exact three people, Tommy would be so uncomfortable right now. As it is, he simply huffs and shoves a throw pillow into his lap, crossing his arms like a petulant toddler.

“I’m 8.6.”

Silence.

Then all three of them burst out laughing. He tries to hold on to his petulance, but he only lasts about ten seconds before the corners of his mouth begin to twitch and he finds himself joining in against all odds.

“As I was saying,” Sal hiccups after they’ve all calmed down again, “Buck doesn’t need any other mens’ mole-rats. He only needs Tommy’s giant mole-rat.”

Tommy groans.

“God, I hate you.”

Half past midnight Gina pulls the plug and throws them out. Sal tries to offer him the guest room, but he declines. As much as he loves his best friend’s daughters, he doubts he’ll can be Fun Uncle Tommy in the morning and he hates disappointing them.

As they wait for their Uber to pull up, Tommy feels strong fingers wrap around his wrist and a moment later he’s pulled into a tight hug.

“Don’t fuck up your life like that, Tom, not again. You were finally so happy. And I like you happy. ” Sal’s voice is quiet next to his ear, but there’s a softness to it that is usually reserved for his daughters. Tommy feels his throat close up and he buries his face into Sal’s shoulder.

“I just don’t know how not to, Sallie,” he admits and hates how forlorn it sounds.

How forlorn he feels.

“You trust him. I know it’s the most terrifying thing to do, believe me I do. But you gotta.”

Sal pulls back to catch his eyes, but keeps hold of Tommy’s shoulders.

“This man is the best thing that’s ever happened to you, Tom, and if you give up on what you have now, you will regret it for the rest of your life. But in order to keep it, you need to let him in and you need to trust him to know what he wants. It’s not your place to decide that for him.

And I know you want to let him set the pace, but you can only do that as long as you’re able to keep up. This relationship is about the both of you and if things are moving too fast, you have to tell him that. It’s not fair to either of you if you don’t.

And Tommy, you have to talk to him about your shit.”

Tommy opens his mouth to protest but Sal shuts him up with a shake of his head.

“No buts. Buck isn’t stupid. Do you really think he hasn’t clocked by now that you have trauma? I’m not saying you gotta tell him all of it at once. But you need to start somewhere.”

Sal pulls him back in roughly and presses a kiss to his temple.

 “I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you. He wants to take care of your heart so badly. Let him. Let him love you. All of you.

And if it all goes to shit anyway, you know that I’ll be right here. I always will be.”

Tommy bursts into tears.

It’s 3am when he finally finds himself knocking at the same door he closed behind himself for what he thought would be the last time less than ten hours ago.

It’s telling that it takes Evan just under half a minute to open it. It’s more telling that his eyes are red-rimmed, and he’s still wearing the same clothes.

Evan’s terrible at hiding his emotions, doesn’t even try to most of the time. It’s one of the many things Tommy loves about him.

Right now, he seems to experience all of them at the same time.

Hope, when he opens the door. Relief, when his eyes fall on Tommy in the hallway.

Hurt, anger, fear, concern, fondness, and finally back to hope.

He’s silent. Waiting.

Tommy takes a breath.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

They look at each other, the insecurity and fear hanging between them like a cloud of vapor, so thick Tommy can almost taste it.

But there’s something else, too. Smaller, more fragile, and yet persistent like a moth chasing the light.

It’s the same thing Tommy’s seen in Evan’s eyes earlier.

Hope.

For a time, neither of them moves, as if they’re scared, that if they do it’ll spook and leave them alone in the dark again.

A minute passes. Two.

Somewhere in the building a baby begins to cry.

Evan steps aside.

[apdreadful]

I’ve decided that from here forward I’m writing Tommy and Buck/Evan as long term canon. In the words of Buck himself “Who cares?!”

I get the feeling that Tommy is difficult to get really angry. Mostly based on his past. And his general roll with the punches attitude thus far. So I don’t foresee a lot of strife or fighting in his future with Buck. Except the first time Tommy experiences the after of that big marshmallow Evan Buckley doing something really dangerous and reckless..again.

And Tommy who never gets angry, who never shouts at Buck, who flew a helicopter into a goddamn hurricane in the middle of the ocean, really loses his shit this time because Buck cannot understand why Tommy is so upset that he dropped into a dangerous situation against orders AGAIN.

Tommy pinches the bridge of his nose to keep from shouting “Bobby told you not to go in. He told you not to risk it. That the floors were too unstable”

“There could have been someone left” Buck replies “Someone needed to check. It had to be me”

“Why? Because you’re fucking super human? The great Buck Buckley from the 118 who scoffs at danger, has survived a tsunami, getting trapped beneath a fire truck, throwing a blood clot, and was officially dead for three minutes after getting struck by FUCKING LIGHTNING!”

“How do you know about all of that?”

“That isn’t what matters”

“I think it is” Buck takes a step toward Tommy “Have you been stalking me babe?”

Noticing the mischievous smile Tommy shakes his head “Oh no no no. You are not going to adorable your way out of this”

Bucks shoulders sag and he sighs “I’m ok Tommy. Not even a scratch”

“I can see that” Tommy lets out a deep exhale “I understand the risks of the job. I’m not like your exes who would get all distraught over you removing a cat from a tree. But for fucks sake, you are worse than the EOD guys when I was in Afghanistan with the walking - or in your case running or jumping- right into the worst case scenario with no thought of your own safety” Rubbing his forehead he continues “Evan. You’ve got a savior complex and it’s noble and selfless..”

Buck cuts him off “It’s not a savior complex. I’m not stupid. I understand that sometimes no matter what you do you can’t save them. But sometimes maybe you can, and in those cases, I just make the most sense”

Tommy crosses his arms to keep from strangling him or kissing him stupid again to shut him up “How is that? How does you possibly dying make any sense?”

“They all have people that need them. They all have someone they belong to and..” he trails off with a small shrug

And Tommy hears the words he doesn’t say. He is…expendable. And just like that all of the anger drains out of Tommy to be replaced by a something else. “Evan” he says softly.

“I know” Buck interjects “I know that people love me and they would be sad, especially Maddie. And I don’t want to die. But I don’t want someone who has someone they need, and that needs them, to die either. I couldn’t live with that”

Tommy closes his eyes. This man..How can he be so adorable and selfless, yet so completely stubborn and a pain in the ass about his own safety?

Once he calms his thoughts and finds the words he wants to say, he opens his eyes to see Evan looking at him calmly. Like he expects Tommy to see the sense in what he said.

“Evan. I know we haven’t really put a label on this. On us. But that’s because I don’t want to pressure you. I’m the first man you’ve been with and you’re still figuring out who you are, and I understand that. But let me clarify something for you. I need you to come back to me. Ok?”

Buck blinks “Huh”

“I need you to come back to me” he repeats “Like Bobby needs Athena, and Karen needs Hen, and yes like Maddie needs Chimney.

“And Jee-un. Jee-yun needs her dad”

“Yes, and in that same vein, Christopher needs Eddie” he agrees, trying not to give in to his exasperation. “I need you. I am that person who needs you to come home Evan”

Evan stops whatever he was about to say. Startled awareness creeping into his eyes..Tommy sees a mix of emotions flit across his face. Surprise, joy, fear, everything just races across that expressive face and then Evan sinks onto the barstool at his kitchen island. His hands coming up to cover his face.

Tommy’s stomach clench’s. He pushed too hard, too soon “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I do care and want you to come home but..”

Buck looks up at him “Don’t you dare take that back”

“I’m not taking it back. I just don’t want to push you”

Something else crosses Evans face at that..but he tugged at his bottom lip with his teeth. “You aren’t pushing. You aren’t pressuring me. I am in this just as much as you. I just don’t know how to say what I want to say without it sounding lame and emo as shit”

“Did you just hear me? You can say anything to me Evan. Whatever it is”

Buck rolls his bottom lip between his teeth again. “I’ve never questioned why I do this…I mean it’s the whole reason I was born. To save my brother. To save Daniel. That’s what I do, that’s who I am. It’s why I became a firefighter. To be the one who saves people. The 118 is my family. And I would do anything to protect them from harm”

“I’m not asking you to stop. I would never ask that. I just want to remind you that you matter to a lot of people, and you also have someone who is waiting for you”

Bucks voice is thick “I know that. I get that. But…Nobody has ever. I have never belonged to anyone, like that”

In a sense of deja vu Tommy closes the short distance to Buck. Tipping his face up, he kisses him. Not soft and gentle like their first kiss in this kitchen. But bold and deep. Branding Evan with his mouth. Pulling back he says fiercely “You belong to me like that. For as long as you want..you belong to me and I belong to you, like that”

“I will ALWAYS need you to come back to me Evan”

ao3 like per request

[lyjen]

In The Right Place Part 2 | Evan “Buck” Buckley

Summary: Buck’s recklessness frustrates (Y/n), but later he saves her during a call. Afterward, they open up about their pasts, growing closer than ever before.

Trope: Enemies to lovers

Feel free to send in a request in my “Ask me a question 👀” section! 🫶🏽

9-1-1 Masterlist | <<< Previous Chapter

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The 118 arrived at the location the 9-1-1 caller had passed through. They were at the edge of a deep, rocky ravine where the hiker had slipped and fallen. The dispatcher told the team the man was injured, but clinging to a narrow ledge half way down. 

It was a miracle the hiker could call for help, the reception wasn’t that good in the middle of nowhere, and most of the people that fall half way down a ravine, don’t survive. 

The doors of the firetruck opened as the team got out of the vehicle. The dust was flowing around the scene, from the sandy road beneath the tires of the truck. 

Bobby took one look at the scene they were working with, and turned to the team. “We’re going with a rope rescue.” Captain Nash said the second he scanned the situation. “Buck, you’re our climber. (Y/n), you and Eddie handle the lines. Chim and Hen, prep medical gear.” He continued, certain of his choices. 

It has been exactly two weeks since (Y/n) had joined the team, and she could say with certainty that the 118 was slowly starting to feel like home, like it felt back in Long Beach. She was starting to get to know the rest of the team everyday a little bit more, and the other way around. 

(Y/n) nodded as her Captain was done giving everyone their tasks and moved to secure the rope system as Buck fished the harness from the truck and slipped into it with practiced ease. 

“You good to go?” Eddie asked as he finished tightening Buck’s gear. A grin appeared on Buck’s face. “I was born ready” he said with way too much confidence, making (Y/n) roll her eyes at his typical reaction. “Of course you were.” she muttered under her breath, continuing preparing the ropes.

The words left her mouth a little too loud. Buck looked up at her, catching the words and the tone. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, raising a brow at her words. 

“It means..” she started as she lowered the ropes in her hands and glanced over her shoulder. “Don’t do anything stupid” she snapped as she glared at him from her spot at the ropes. 

Buck’s grin vanished from his face and he sighed. “Relax, (Y/n). I’ve done this a million times.” he said, trying to reassure her that everything was okay. 

“That’s what worries me.” She shot back as she tightened her hands on the rope. She hoped those words came out of her mouth as a mumble, but it came a little louder than she had hoped. She knew he heard her words. 

Ever since she had that conversation on the first day with Buck, things had changed just a little bit. They were still trying to find out a way to work together, but it was difficult working with someone who didn’t think for at least one second. 

Moments later, Buck was carefully being lowered over the edge of the ravine, as the rope creaked softly because of the weight that was hanging on it. From her spot on the ground, (Y/n) watched him descend down to the victim. Her eyes were flicking between Buck and the rope system as Eddie monitored the lines beside her. 

“Slow and steady, Buck.” Eddie said into the radio as Buck was out of sight, rippling down to get the wounded hiker. “Yeah, yeah, I’ve got it.” Buck’s voice sounded as confident as always. Making (Y/n) roll her eyes at the amount of confidence he had in his voice. “Just focus for once.” She mumbled under her breath as the rope gently moved through her gloved hands.

Buck could feel the jitters in his abdomen, even though he had done this a hundred times, if not more. When his feet touched the small space where the hiker landed after his fall, he didn’t want to put too much weight onto the ground to avoid the ground falling from beneath them.  

“What’s your name sir?” Buck asked as he grabbed the second harness that was sent down. “I- Uh- Luther” the hiker stumbled as he was unsure what was happening. “Luther, I’m Buck. I’m going to get you out of here okay?” he explained. Luther nodded in agreement, but Buck could tell he was scared. “Okay, now.. I need you to stand up slow and steady and let me put this around you.” 

Luther nodded as he slowly stood up, his legs were looking like they were made of jell-o. Every step the hiker made, how slowly and steady he did it, it made the ledge crumble beneath him. Rocks were breaking loose with every single short move he made and tumbling down into the ravine. If something did go wrong this moment, there would be no turning back. But luckily Luther stepped into the harness, as Buck secured him and stabilized him. 

“Got him!” Buck called out, but just to be sure he grabbed his radio. “We’re ready to come up! Green!” his voice came through. A soft sigh left (Y/n)’s mouth as she heard the confirmation, she took a breath she didn’t know she needed. 

For once he didn’t do anything stupid. But it wasn’t over yet.

“Okay, let’s pull them up slow” Eddie instructed, signaling to (Y/n) the sign to pull the rope, to get them on solid ground again. (Y/n) held her breath again as they began raising Buck and the hiker. 

She could hear the ropes creaking under the weight that was hanging onto the other side, but the system held firm. “Almost there,” Eddie muttered as he had his hands steady on the lines, pulling it. 

The creaking of the lines became louder within every pull, making the thing (Y/n) scared of reality as a horrific snap echoed through the ravine. 

One of the anchor points failed. 

(Y/n)’s eyes widened at the sound of the snap as her heart was leaping into her throat right now. “No, no, no.” (Y/n) mumbled under her breath. The rope jerked violently, sending Buck swinging hard into the rocks. A grunt fell off Buck’s lips as his body slammed into the side of the ravine. He placed one of his hands on the rocks to bring the swinging rope to a halt. 

“Hold it! Hold it!” Bobby’s voice roared over the scene as Eddie and (Y/n) tried to get the rope back under control. “I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” Eddie grunted as he used all his strength to pull the two people back in. 

(Y/n) threw her weight onto the line, placing her heels into the ground as they tried to steady Buck. “Buck talk to us” Bobby sounded over the radio. Panic was creeping into her chest as it took Buck seconds to answer. “Buck, what’s your status?” Bobby asked. 

(Y/n) had her eyes closed as she held onto the rope for dear life. The radio made room for some statics, “We’re fine cap, just.. get us up!” his voice sounded over the radio, mixed with a cough. 

Eddie glanced over his shoulder, looking at (Y/n) “You good?” Eddie asked as they made eye contact. She nodded, “Let’s get it over with.” she said as she let her eyes wander back to her gloved hands and they both pulled the ropes.

The climb was slower this time, the rope continued to creak as Eddie and (Y/n) worked together to lift Buck and the injured hiker back up. Her hands were hurting from the weight she needed to pull, but it didn’t bother her. They needed to get the both of them back on the ground. And she didn’t care if she needed to break her own skin to do it. 

It looked like there wasn't an end to the rope she had in her hands. But when Buck’s helmet finally came into sight, and his boots hit solid ground, (Y/n) let out a shaky breath and placed her hands onto her thighs. 

She was exhausted, not only from pulling the ropes, but also the stress she was experiencing the last five to ten minutes. 

Buck unhooked his harness as Hen and Chimney immediately checked the hiker. (Y/n)’s eyes were locked on Buck as she took off the gloves and yanked them to the ground. Before she could let her brain catch up with her movements, she stormed over towards Buck. 

Buck unlocked the clip of his helmet, as he heard footsteps coming closer. He looked up, and he found (Y/n) stroming over at him. Fire was burning in her eyes as she shoved him hard in the chest. 

“What the hell was that?!” she shouted, Buck’s back falling against the firetruck as confusion took over his face. “Whoa- what’s your problem?” He stumbled as he looked at her. 

“God you’re such a fucking idiot, Buck” (Y/n) continued to yell, giving him a shove again. “Do you even think before you act?” she added, before Buck could even explain or say something back at all. 

“(Y/n), it wasn’t my fault-” he said as he held up his hands. He didn’t even do anything but his job? Why was she so upset with him?

“You act like you’re invincible, like nothing can touch you, but you’re not! That rope could’ve snapped completely, and then what? What if I couldn’t pull you back up? What if—” she stopped talking as she noticed how loud she was talking, she needed to calm down.

She looked down to the floor and turned her back towards him as she placed her hands on her hips. She took a breath as she blinked the tears away which were welling up in her eyes. 

Buck’s face softened as he took a cautious step towards her. “Hey.. i’m okay. I’m right here.” He said. She was breathing hard as she wiped her face angrily. “You don’t get it, Buck..” she paused, her voice sounded broken and it was barely above a whisper. “For seconds… I thought we lost you.” 

At first, Buck didn’t know what to say. His confused expression was replaced by genuine regret, even though he didn’t do anything. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized with a soft voice. 

(Y/n) squeezed her eyes closed, “I thought we had talked this through? That we had a deal-” she paused, and she turned around, facing Buck now. 

Her eyes were slowly turning red, “Whatever you’re doing, you don’t get to do that to us. To me-“ her lip was starting to tremble as she said those words. 

Buck was caught off guard by her words. “To.. you?” he asked her slowly. And that’s where she realized what she’d just admitted, she cared about him. (Y/n) shook her head as she turned away. “Forget it.” she added, as she made a move to walk away from the conversation.

But he reached out, gently wrapping his hand around her upper arm. “(Y/n), wait-” he said. She glanced over her shoulder, their eyes connected. 

She was clearly upset with what happened, but why was she mad at him? He didn’t sabotage the anchor point? Why would she even think that Buck would’ve liked the idea of bringing himself and the victim into a dangerous situation like this? It’s not like he particularly wanted to fall to death. 

The sound of Bobby’s voice cut through the small moment they were having, pulling the both of them back to reality. “Buck! (Y/n)! Wrap it up, we’re heading out!” His voice sounded. 

“On it cap!” Buck quickly switched, and with that, (Y/n) pulled her arm free with a hard pull. She gave Buck one last look. “Next time, think before you act.” and with those words she turned and walked away, leaving Buck standing there. 

But this argument wasn’t really like the ones they had before, there was something new, as if something had shifted. 

______

“Buck, (Y/n) you’re on the west side.” Bobby said, as he quickly broke the team into pairs. The warehouse they were searching was a blazing inferno, the fire was clawing itself through the structure with a fury that threatened to consume everything. They had to be fast. 

“You got it, Cap.” Buck replied as he tightened his grip on the halligan between his hands as (Y/n) gave their captain a nod as she stood next to Buck. When she heard their names being paired together, she rolled her eyes for a quick second. 

Bobby finished his explanation as he and Eddie went to their assigned location and tasks. 

“Why do I always get the feeling we always pull the short straw together?” (Y/n) mumbled as they made their way through the huge space of the warehouse. Buck shot a glance over his shoulder, a grin was visible on his face “Maybe the universe thinks we make a good team.” he replied. 

She let out a soft sigh, “Or maybe you’re bad luck.” she shot back, she wasn’t quite sure if she wanted that to say out loud or whisper it to herself. They both moved quickly, (Y/n) breath was labored as she followed Buck through the chaos and her flashlight was slicing through the thick grey smoke. 

A voice cut through the air, calling out for help through the gasps for air. “Over here!” Buck shouted as loud as possible to get above the roar of the flames. She spotted Buck crouched near a pile of collapsed debris, when she hurried to his side she felt her pulse thundering in her ears.

“Someone’s trapped” Buck said while urgency was audible in his voice. He pointed towards a narrow gap beneath a fallen beam, the faint sound of coughing came from within, and continued with a call for help. 

“We need to get him out.” (Y/n) said determined, as she already started tugging at the debris that was blocking their way. The heat was killing. But every second counted. Sweat was already dripping down (Y/n)’s face, she couldn’t imagine what it must feel like for the person that was trapped. The air was thick, and dark, almost if there wasn’t any oxygen left. 

Buck threw his weight against the largest beam, grunting as he lifted it just enough for (Y/n) to crawl closer. “Carefull!” he called, not sure if he could hold the weight of the beam with only his body. 

“I’m fine! Just don't try to kill me.” she shot back as she kneeled down and wriggled her body through the tight space to reach the trapped person. 

When (Y/n) made her way through the tight space Buck had created, she reached the victim. Buck meanwhile managed to move the beam, still giving her the same amount of space to crawl through. 

 “Sir, can you hear me?” (Y/n) asked, her gloved hand brushing against his arm to try and get any kind of reaction from the man. The man nodded weakly, making (Y/n) let out a breath of relief. “Buck, I’ve got him!” (Y/n) called. “Get ready to pull him out!” she added as she wriggled her way back through the tight space. 

She was half way when a deafening crack echoed through the building. The floor beneath them shuddered violently, and (Y/n)’s head shot up as she realized the ceiling above them was starting to give way.

“(Y/n) move, now!” Buck shouted, panic was creeping up his chest as he watched his partner struggling to get back through the tight space. (Y/n) barely had time to register the danger before Buck lunged toward her. His hand grabbed a handful of the back of her turnout coat, yanking her backward with such force that her body slammed into his, making them hit the ground hard. 

The crash of debris behind them was deafening, all kinds of materials were scattering in every direction. 

For a small moment neither of them moved, their bodies were pressed together as the crash of debris closed in around them. His arms were wrapped around her and his chest was rising and falling against her back. 

“Are you okay?” his voice asked, as the adrenaline was rushing through his veins. (Y/n) tried to catch her breath, squeezing her eyes closed for a moment as a sharp pain appeared in her left side. “I- I think so” she stumbled, mixed with a tremble in her voice. 

His grip loosened on her body as he helped her sit up, Buck stood up from behind her as he held out a hand towards her. 

In pain, she hissed and pressed her eyes closed again. “You’re hurt.” he concluded as he scanned her facial expressions. She shook her head, “It’s nothing.” she said but the pain in her side told her otherwise. 

“Can you stand?” he asked her. She nodded, though her movements were slow and hesitant. She accepted his hand and let him carefully lift her to her feet. “We still need to get him out,” she said, motioning toward the man who was coughing weakly beneath the debris.

“I’ve got him.” Buck said, “Just stay behind me.” he added. (Y/n) allowed Buck to take the lead this time. 

He worked quickly but smoothly, pulling the man free. Buck put the male in the right position, crouched down as he held the man’s wrist in one hand and in the other hand his thigh. Her eyes were set on Buck as she watched him perform the right steps. 

It was kinda.. attractive? 

God no. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the awful thoughts she just had. Two weeks ago they were enemies and now she actually started to like him? No. Hell no. 

 “Let’s go!” Buck commanded as he walked back towards (Y/n) with the man on his shoulders. He kept a close eye on (Y/n) when they made their way through the flames again. 

The heat was suffocating, the air thick with smoke, but they kept on going. But finally, the cool rush of night air hit them as they burst through the exit. 

The team was already waiting outside, as paramedics rushed forwards to take the injured man from Buck. Buck crouched down again to place the man onto his feet again. “Here, he’s all yours. He inhaled a lot of smoke but he’s conscious.” he quickly briefed the paramedics. 

As soon as the man was placed onto the gurney the paramedics hurried away. (Y/n) pulled her helmet from her head and blew the strands away that were in front of her face. 

His eyes were locked on (Y/n) as he watched her take off her gloves and her entire facial expression changed when she made one wrong move. 

“(Y/n)” Buck said in a serious tone. “Sit down. Let the paramedics check you out.” he told her. She looked back at him, as she let out a “I’m fine.” as she pressed her hand against her side and tried to catch her breath. 

But Buck wouldn’t take no for an answer. He made eye contact with Hen who was giving the both of them a questioning look. So Buck waved her over. Hen rushed over towards the two, “Hey, you okay?” she asked as she watched (Y/n) press her hand onto her side. 

“She’s hurt” Buck said quickly before (Y/n) could answer. “No, I’m fine.” she muttered through her voice with a lack of conviction. But he turned towards (Y/n) again. “No you’re not” he said, his tone soft but insistent. 

She tried to pull away, get away from the conversation but Buck placed his hand firmly on her shoulder before she could try and run, guiding her towards Hen. “Come on, i’ll take a look” Hen said, not leaving any room for an argument. 

(Y/n) sighed as Hen guided her to sit on the bumper of the ambulance. She took off her turnout coat as Hen unzipped her medic bag and began her examination. Hen gave her a small, knowing look. “You just had to follow Buck into the inferno, did you?” 

(Y/n) let out a weak chuckle, “You know how it is.. The guy moves and you just, go.” she said. “Yeah well, next time.. maybe let him handle the death-defying stunts.” Hen replied as she pressed gently against (Y/n)’s ribs. 

She winced, biting on her lower lip to not let out a curse word. 

“Ribs are bruised but not broken,” Hen confirmed. “You’re lucky. Could’ve been worse.” she concluded. “Lucky isn’t how it feels,” (Y/n) muttered, leaning her head back against the ambulance.

Hen smirked. “Trust me, Buck’s had worse. You’ve officially joined the ‘pulled-from-the-fire-by-Evan-Buckley’ club. Membership comes with bruises and a lecture.”

(Y/n) chuckled as she caught herself glancing toward where Buck stood talking to Bobby. His shoulders were squared, his hands moving as he told what had happened.

Hen followed her gaze, her tone softening. “He’s got a habit of throwing himself into danger for the people he cares about. You did good in there, but you’ve got to let yourself heal.”

(Y/n) nodded, her stubbornness fading as exhaustion took over. “Thanks, Hen.”

“Anytime,” Hen replied with a warm smile, packing up her kit.

As Hen moved on to help another teammember, (Y/n) sat quietly, watching the embers from the fire flicker into the night sky. The adrenaline was finally wearing off, leaving her with a dull ache in her ribs.

______

The station was quiet after the chaos of the fire. Every member of the 118 had spread themselves over the firehouse, some were going to hit the shower, some were going to take a nap. But (Y/n) found herself alone in the locker room. 

She wanted to change into something more comfy to move in than a button up. She stood in front of the mirror as she lifted her shirt just enough to inspect the already dark bruises blooming along her ribs. 

“Great.” she mumbled under her breath as she gently poked the tender skin, making her hiss at the touch. 

“Those look bad.”

The sudden voice that had entered the locker room startled her, making her drop her shirt quickly. She spinned around to find Buck standing just a few feet away, he was leaning against the doorway. His usual cocky grin wasn’t there now, he seemed softer. His eyes were wandering back to where he had just been checking her side. 

“Ever heard of knocking?” (Y/n) said as she turned back to her locker, trying to get rid of whatever moment this was. 

He smirked faintly, “It’s a locker room. I didn’t think I had to.” he replied. She shot him a look through the mirror that was in her locker, but the annoyance didn’t quite reach her eyes. It was a small mirror after all. “What do you want, Buck?” she asked. 

For a second, Buck hesitated. But eventually stepped into the room, making the door behind him call into its frame. “I just.. wanted to check on you. After earlier.” he replied to her question. 

(Y/n) scoffed softly, as she wriggled the button up shirt off her arms and placed it into her locker. “I’m fine.” she said, just like she told him outside earlier.

Buck reached the line of lockers she was standing in front of. “You don’t look fine to me.” he answered as he crossed his arms and leaned his left shoulder against the lockers. “You took a hit in there.” he continued but it didn’t make (Y/n) turn around or glance over her shoulder at all. 

She pulled the elastic from her hair, her small bun wasn’t as tight as it used to be a few hours ago. “It’s a bruise Buck.” she said unconcerned as she grabbed the hair on her head in one hand and had the elastic ready on her other hand. But the ache she felt in her ribs told her otherwise. “I’ll live.”

(Y/) finished making her bun as she used some bobby pins to keep it into its place. The hum of the overhead lights filled the silence that was now taking over the room. Buck tilted his head slightly, as he watched her finishing her hair. 

“You know…” he started slowly, “you’ve been snapping at me a lot lately.” he continued as he kept his distance. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked him as she checked her hair. 

“You know exactly what I mean,” Buck told her, sounding more serious now. “Every time I open my mouth, you’re on me like it’s your job. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you hate me.”

(Y/n) sighed and turned on her heels to face him, she crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t hate you, Buck.” she told him. “Then what is it?” Buck pushed himself off the lockers he was leaning on with his shoulder and stepped closer, searching her face. “Because it’s not just me being reckless, is it?” 

And just when he asked that question, she looked away while pressing her lips into a thin line. “It doesn’t matter.” she said. 

There was clearly something that she was hiding from him. Something sensitive that she pushed away. “It does to me,” Buck replied softly. She turns away from him facing her locker again. But Buck didn’t intend to leave before he knew the story behind her behavior. “Come on, talk to me.” he said, his eyes desperate for an explanation. He tried to search eye contact through the mirror she was standing in front of. 

She brushed her fingers over her t-shirt where her bruises were, and let out a shaky breath. “You really want to know?” she asked, as she found him looking at her through the mirror.

Buck nodded. 

She stared at her own reflection as she spoke. She didn’t have the courage to look him directly in the eyes as she told her story. She had the courage to do lots of things: running into burning buildings, collapsing buildings, helping strangers. But telling this story, she just couldn’t. “I lost a colleague on the job once. ” she started.

“Well.. not just my colleague. He was my best friend.” she continued. 

Buck’s expression shifted as his arms fell to his sides. “What happened?” he asked her. 

(Y/n) swallowed hard, avoiding his gaze in the mirror as her eyes fell down to her hands. “It was a structure fire, kind of like our first call together. He was just as reckless as you, always throwing himself into the fire first. It went well most of the time. Only that time… he didn’t make it out.” Her voice was on the edge of breaking down. But she needed to finish the story. 

(Y/n)’s voice was quieter now, more fragile than he’d ever heard it. It was like he was suddenly listening to a little girl. 

“He was the person who always had my back,” she continued, still staring at her fingers as she picked her skin. “But I couldn’t save him. I had to hold the line while the fire got worse. I had to stand there, knowing he wasn’t coming out. And then I had to look his family in the eye and tell them…” Her voice broke, and she quickly wiped a hand over her face, trying to collect herself. “It doesn’t matter how many times people tell you it wasn’t your fault. You still carry it with you.”

Buck stepped closer, his voice soft but steady. “(Y/n)… I’m so sorry.” He placed his hand onto her shoulder, carefully, not wanting to spook her. 

For a moment, there was another silence. It was there but it wasn’t awkward at all. It was a vulnerable moment. 

Finally, Buck let out a soft breath as he disconnected his hand from her shoulder  and sank down onto the bench nearby. “You’re not the only one carrying ghosts, you know,” he admitted.

(Y/n) glanced to her side, looking at Buck who was sitting on the bench. 

Buck’s gaze dropped to his feet. “A few years ago, there was this guy, Devon. He was on a rollercoaster when the lap bar just opened up and his best friend got ejected.” He paused, as he remembered the moment like it was yesterday. “The rollercoaster was hanging in the middle of the loop, upside down when we arrived. Devon was hanging onto it with his life. I got to him in time, but he refused to grab my hand..” Buck swallowed hard, his voice rougher now. “I told him I got him,but  he just let go before even trying.”

(Y/n)’s expression softened and she folded her arms over each other as Buck continued his story. 

“If he just reached out to my hand, I could’ve saved him.” Buck said, his voice barely above a whisper. “And for the longest time, I kept thinking—if I’d just been faster, if I’d gotten there a minute sooner, maybe he’d have grabbed my hand.” He looked up at (Y/n), his eyes searching hers. “He was the first person I had lost on the job. That kind of guilt? It doesn’t go away.”

(Y/n) sat down on the bench beside him, her voice quiet. “No, it doesn’t.” 

Buck gave a faint nod, his lips twitching into a small, sad smile. “So when you yell at me for being reckless, I get it. I know what it’s like to lose someone. I’ve been there, too.”

She stared at him for a moment, the wall she’d built between them beginning to crack. “So that’s why you jump first without thinking… Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Buck shrugged his shoulders as a faint laugh fell from his lips. “Didn’t think it mattered. I’m usually the one driving everyone crazy, not the other way around.”

(Y/n) let out a soft huff of laughter despite herself, shaking her head. “You are insane, you know that?” Buck grinned, the first real smile she’d seen from him all day. “Yeah it’s not like you told me about twenty times earlier, but you keep me on my toes.” he admitted.

She rolled her eyes at his words, but there was no bite to it this time. They sat there for a moment. Buck’s gaze flicked to her ribs again. “Let me see.” he told her. 

A confused expression appeared on her face, “What?” she asked. “The bruises” he said as he motioned his head to her side. “Can I take a look?” he then asked, more politely instead of a command.

(Y/n) hesitated for a second, but with a sigh, she lifted her shirt slightly. Buck winced as he saw the deep bruising. “Damn, (Y/n), that’s bad.” he concluded as he finally saw the wound from up close now. 

“I’m pretty sure I'll live” she muttered. “You’re tougher than you look,” Buck said softly, when his eyes wandered from her wound back to her face. “Don’t you forget it,” she replied, her voice quieter now.

There was another silence, but it wasn’t like the others. It wasn’t filled with annoyance, awkwardness, or anger. Something shifted. 

Her eyes were lingering on his face for a second, but before she could say more, Buck’s lips crashed into hers. His lips brushed first a bit roughly against hers, but became softer as his lips landed on hers. The kiss was gentle, a bit hesitant, but most of all: it caught her completely off guard. 

(Y/n) froze for a second, making her hand press against his shoulder. But eventually she leaned into him as she let herself feel the moment. His hand moved up to her cheek as he brushed his thumb lightly over the skin as her hand that was on his shoulder moved to grab the short strands of hair on the back of his head. 

They both pulled back, Buck searched her face nervously. Did he get the signs correct? “You okay?” he asked, a bit out of breath. 

The confused and surprised look that had washed over (Y/n)’s face remained as he asked the question. But quickly merged into a faint smirk as she shook her head. “You’re lucky I didn’t hit you.” she said, laughing. “Wouldn’t be the first time,” Buck teased her, his voice soft as he brushed his thumb over her cheek one more time. 

“You’re such an idiot.” she said, as she moved her hand from his neck down to his shirt again. She grabbed a fist full of his button up shirt, and pulled him closer again. 

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