#ethella fic

[sweetnestor]

odlt extra #1 | a very jet lagged valentine

‘but you havent even finished odlt yet’ shuuuuttt up

idk idk!!!! i was feeling Soft and slightly lonely on v-day for god knows what reason and i just,,,,,,, vomited this out!!! here is a teeny tiny break from all the Angst that the main fic has to offer. enjoy

PREVIOUS FICS (u should read these if ur new here)(srsly this is ethan x oc)

February 2018, aka when the European tour started.

CrankGameplays: “Happy valentine’s day! You’re my favorite person and im glad i get to experience all the things with you. Love you :)”

You’d think he would post one of the many decent candid photos he’s taken of me. You know, one where my highlight was catching the light, or one where I was smiling, or one of the two of us looking disgustingly adorable. But no, Ethan went with the photo he took of me passed out on our bed in our Amsterdam hotel room, my wavy pink hair sprawled out in an ungraceful manner. I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep, nor was he. It just happened. And now my sleepy self was all over Instagram.

Ethan was just as groggy when I shook him awake. Unlike me, he was a very handsy, cuddly being when he was sleepy. He rolled onto his side and groaned in the way he would when he wanted to hold me, so I scooted into his arms and let him.

His skin was warm and weirdly soothing. We were supposed to be getting out of bed… I was supposed to be insomniac due to sheer anxiety. Time zones were out to get us. Yet somehow, it felt like the holiday itself.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” I spoke softly into his collarbone.

He squeezed my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “Did you see my picture?”

“Oh, did I.”

“I meant every word I said.”

Ah yes, that extra bit of validation. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I had no idea what time it was, so I didn’t know how much time we had before we had to be in the lobby with everyone else.

“When’s the next time we’ll be alone a hotel room?” I asked, now looking up at Ethan.

He shrugged. “No idea. Why?”

“Do you think we’ll be able to sneak around like we did last time around?”

If he was struggling to wake up before, then my question sped up the process. He met my eyes, red tinting his cheeks. “Oh… I don’t know. Do you want to sneak around?”

“If we can,” I told him as I leaned in to kiss the crook of his neck. “If not then… we're alone now.”

That was all I had to say to make run late. Excuse: jet lag.

~

I was grumpy and tired when it was time to get up and do the tour thing all over again. I had a rough flight… or, two flights. We had stopped in London between flights, in which I had a panic attack and a case of the nervous shits while everyone else ate and tried not to fall asleep. Then, we were off to the Netherlands, where I fell asleep the second I got to the hotel. Ethan fell asleep too, but not before taking pictures of my sleeping, drooling face. I didn’t really mind that he would do that. I took my own photos of him while we were on the plane.

And that was what I posted on Instagram that morning in the shuttle on the way to the venue. I picked a selfie of me clutching a pillow to my chest on the plane ride over here. Ethan was in the seat next to me, his head tilted back as he slept. As sleep deprived and generally nervous as I was, I was seriously considering captioning the photo with something absolutely cheesy and deep. I actually started writing it out.

bellasanti: “To the guy who found me at my lowest point, who helped me get to where i am now… the person who has always been nothing but kind and wonderful since day 1. My biggest supporter and my best friend… I cant even begin to explain how lucky i am to have found you, and how proud i am of you and how far you’ve come. I love you more than words could describe 💙💖💙💖💙💖”

A small smile was etched on my face as I read the caption over and over again. I looked over at Ethan, who was practically standing as he “touched lenses” with Mark. They were both vlogging and being rather loud about it. More than a year later, and my heart still went all soft and mushy just by looking at Ethan do what he does best. Gross, I know.

Suddenly, the caption felt far too revealing. I had hit two million Instagram followers recently, plenty of which were also Ethan’s. Did I really want to expose bits and pieces of our relationship? I mean, it’s not like we interact a lot online, anyway. We liked to keep some things private. I copied the original caption, and then deleted it apart from the hearts. Then, I made the photo public. I sent the words to him in a Twitter DM instead, knowing he wouldn’t see it until much later.

He sat back down in his seat a couple minutes later, looking back at the footage he just recorded on his camera. I glanced at him once, and then continued looking through my phone.

“Love you,” I said softly and mindlessly.

He suddenly looked up, as if I didn't say that all the time, just loud enough so he could catch it. I saw him look at me through my peripherals, I could tell he was blushing.

“Love you too,” he replied, poking my cheek.

Finally, he put his camera down and pulled out his phone. Neither of us said anything more, but I was somewhat anxiously awaiting him to notice either my DM or my Instagram post. Somehow, just silently sitting next to each other while scrolling on our phones became one of my favorite pastimes.

“Aww,” he mumbled at one point.

I glanced over his shoulder once, only to see a flash of Jack and Signe on his Twitter feed. Why hadn't he seen his DMs yet? What was taking him so long?

Feeling uncharacteristically mushy, I lied my head on his shoulder. He smelled good, and he was soft and cuddly as ever. I was suddenly missing our short time alone back in the hotel room. We wouldn't be alone together until next month, and it suddenly seemed like a difficult challenge.

Last month, when the tour went West, Ethan and I did a full three sixty. Instead of angrily texting each other and crying in bathroom stalls, we were sexting and getting it on in the dressing room, the bathroom, and even once in my bunk when everyone else was asleep. It showed just how strong we had gotten over the last few months. But because of those raunchy activities from not only tour but also when we were home, I went to great lengths to make sure my birth control hadn't failed me. I didn’t have any symptoms, apart the usual anxiety nausea, but I still worked up the courage to schedule a doctor’s appointment prior to tour. So far, my uterus wasn’t occupying anything I didn’t want it to.

Ethan put his arm around me just as mindlessly as when I said I loved him. He was still scrolling on his phone, now on Instagram. This time, I saw him scroll up to my post, and he made a noise of protest.

“When did you take that?” he asked, showing me the plane selfie.

“When do you think?” I asked in response. “You have the best sleeping face.”

He chuckled. “You know you’re the only person who tells me that? Everyone else says it’s creepy.”

“I mean it is,” I said, half joking. “But you’re my boyfriend, and I always think you’re cute. Even when you sleep with your eyes half open.”

Ethan blushed and ducked his head a little. He always grew a little timid when I complimented or praised him. It was equally parts adorable and frustrating, because he never took the compliment.

“Stop,” he said softly.

“Have you checked your DMs?” I asked, unable to wait any longer.

He gave me a look and then went to open the app. “Well, what did you send me now…?” he asked in a funny voice.

I busied myself with intertwining my fingers with his. Then I kissed his hand and waited for him to read my sappy message.

“Aw…” He smiled. He was speaking very softly, like he didn't want the people sitting around us to hear. “That's real sweet… real cute…”

“I was gonna post that on Instagram, but decided that only you can hear things like that,” I replied in a voice just as soft. “And it's not just today, I feel that every day.”

“Aahhhh,” he groaned, now scooping me up in his arms.

Except, he did it in a way so my back was to his chest, and my head hung out in the walkway of the shuttle, capturing the attention of some of the people around us.

“Hey,” I said to Tyler, who was sitting in front of us.

“What’s up?” he replied casually. “Just hanging, I see?”

“Just hanging,” I repeated.

“Whatcha doing, Bella?” asked Mark from a couple of rows behind.

I turned my head and saw him with his vlogging camera. My cheeks reddened a little bit. “I’m not here by choice!”

“She said nice things and deserved hugs!” Ethan said.

“God, we’re gross,” I said under my breath before I was let go.

[sweetnestor]

hey so I know I've got the 12 days fic going on rn but is it cool if I post another series on the side?? pls let me know

[sweetnestor]

stupid cute hc's for my own damn fic bc I feel like it

mostly ethella woops

-bella is always singing mindlessly under her breath, even more so as she gets comfortable around ethan (and the whole team)

-ethan notices mostly because it distracts him while he's trying to do something

-the other guys notice when it gets disruptive

-"dude, we're shooting right now. could you...?" cue bella going completely silent from then on out, and actively stopping herself if she starts humming

-then idk one fucking night when ethan sleeps over, they're laying in bed and he just

-"sing to me, yeah?"

-"why??????"

-"because I like hearing you!! pleeaaassee?"

-so she sings 'intertwined' aka Their Song™ and it's really soft and soothing for ethan to hear

-now whenever he has a bad day he'll lay on her chest and she'll sing softly :')

-eventually he'll sing to her too, maybe around the time he buys a new uke

-he'll rarely sing in front of her, but when he does, it's extra special and bella will just smile like a fucking doof the whole damn day

~that is all thank u~

[sweetnestor]

You Look Happier | Chapter 14

university au, teamiplier + jack

platonic/romance/angst/smut <-- read the sin on ao3 ;p

previous chapter

Friday was PAX day one. You would think I’d be the one doing panels and meetups, given the amount of nerves I was feeling. I woke up from a shitty sleep, and the only reason why I got up was because I saw the sun peeking through the curtains. That, and Ethan’s sleeping face was too comical.

Thankfully, things weren’t tense with us after my plane adventure. He was too sweet about it, which made me feel guilty. I really didn’t deserve someone like him. Even while sober, I got emotional over how much better I felt recently. I mean, despite the plane ride. The only difference was that I could push down the unnecessary tears for another time. I had to get ready for the day.

As soon as I started moving around in bed, Ethan stirred in his sleep. His arms went around my waist and pulled me back in before I could make my escape. He held me in a side hug, nosing my neck and humming contently.

“Hi there,” I greeted, amused by his sudden moves.

“Hello,” he sleepily mumbled as he scooted closer to me. “You didn’t let me cuddle last night.”

“Oh, really?” I asked, genuinely confused. I knew I had fallen asleep before him, I just didn’t think I’d push him away. Even in my sleep, I had intimacy issues. “Um… oops.”

He chuckled and kissed my shoulder. Then, he kissed my cheek. “It’s okay.”

Blushing, I turned so I was facing him. “I’m just not used to sleeping next to such a pretty guy.” I smiled as I stroked his cheek, down to his neck, and then his shoulder.

That was when I noticed he was shirtless. I had never seen him shirtless before. It was far more intimate than it should have been. My eyes trailed down his body and well… I was, for lack of a better word, shook.

“Since when do you have abs?” I blurted out, feeling all sorts of things.

“Um…” Ethan laughed nervously. “Since… always? I think?”

I glanced up at him, noticing how red his cheeks had gotten. A smirk etched on my face and I trailed my hand down his body.

“You’re so hot,” I said in a sultry tone, my fingers touching the waistband of his sweatpants. “You know that?”

Ethan didn’t say anything at first. I leaned in closer to him, trailing my fingers from his stomach around to his back.

“A-Am I?” he finally spoke, his voice soft and timid.

Oh my god, it was so endearing.

“Mhm,” I replied as I leaned in to kiss the crook of his neck. I felt him take in a deep breath, so I kept going.

I kissed up and down his neck as I felt up his body. Ethan's breathing got deeper and quicker the more I kissed around his skin. He tightened his grip on my waist, and then trailed his hands to my butt. Just from our bodies pressing together, I knew he was very eager and excited. I wondered if this was what he wanted to happen before I inevitably fell asleep on him.

~

We ended up running a little late to Jack’s panel. I managed to pull off a no foundation look and keep my hair in a high ponytail, fixing some strays along the way. We were practically rushed down to the convention center, where we were even more rushed to the show room where the panel was taking place. Thankfully, it hadn’t started yet, so Ethan and I were relieved once we were seated.

“Where were you guys?” asked Ethan’s friend, Brian, who I had met the day prior. “I was calling you, idiot!” He smacked his friend’s arm.

“I was asleep,” Ethan replied.

“I took forever to get ready,” I said over him.

“Both!” Ethan quickly added.

Someone in the row in front of us laughed. It was Mark, who had turned around. Once he did, so did the people next to him, which were Amy, Kathryn, and Tyler. Mark smirked and put up air quotes. “Yeah. ‘Getting ready.’”

“¡Ayy cochino!” I said as I playfully slapped his hands away and tried not be embarrassed.

Maybe it was the lingering euphoria, but I felt unusually calm sitting in the middle of a row, near the front of the stage. I was able to brush off Mark’s comment and avoid getting flustered and blushy. Maybe it was because it was Jack I was going to see on stage. I also had my boyfriend on my left, and my friends directly in front of me. Jack’s ex-girlfriend was on my right. It was like-

Wait.

My head immediately turned to the girl sitting next to me. I didn’t mean to make a sudden move, but I was surprised, not only at the person, but the fact that she was wearing the exact same black sweater as me. Despite that, I was a little salty that she was here.

She looked back at me, just as surprised. We’ve heard of each other, we had just never met. Honestly, I didn’t think I would meet her like this, when she was blacklisted in my mind.

“Hey Signe!” Ethan happily greeted, and we both jumped.

“Hi!” she replied, quickly composing herself.

That caused Mark, Amy, Kathryn, and Tyler to turn around. They were all happy to see her. She was happy to see them. Or they were all polite and collectively ignoring the elephant in the room. I mean, this group did have a tendency to welcome ex-girlfriends.

“You’re Bella, right?” Signe asked after that wave of greetings. “Sean’s roommate?”

I nodded and pressed on my own fake smile. “Yeah. Um, I didn’t think I’d see you here.”

“I know, it seems… awkward,” she said in a tone that matched her words. “But I wanted to see him… and maybe talk to him later.”

To break his heart again? To have the same conversation and hurt him again?

“Oh, cool.”

Signe looked at me, hesitating. “You don’t like me.” It wasn’t a question.

Still, I was taken aback by that statement. I chuckled nervously. “Um, no. I mean… I don’t know you really, I’m just…”

“She’s great with people,” Ethan sarcastically added as he patted my hand.

I sighed. “Thanks, babe.”

Thankfully, the lights went down, indicating the start of the panel.

~

“I can’t believe you never told me!” I snapped once we were all taken out of the room following the panel. I was so utterly betrayed.

“I thought you knew!” Ethan replied in defense. “Babe, listen-” He tried taking my hand, but I quickly pulled it away.

“No! Do you know what this means?” I asked seriously.

He slowed his steps through the narrow hall. “Baby. Don’t do this. Come on, please. Let’s go back to our room, and-”

“I can’t go back to the room with you!”

“Where are you gonna go, then? With Sean? He can’t help you with this, he’s on my side this time!” Ethan shot back, folding his arms. “You know what? Don’t come back to the room! I was willing to talk this out, but if you’re acting this way-”

“You guys are way too passionate about pizza,” pointed out Signe, who was walking with us.

“I don’t like pineapple!” I justified.

“Oh, why don’t you just rip my heart out?” Ethan said to me.

We were escorted to a secluded corridor by enforcers, which eventually led us backstage where we met up with Jack. Or as I like to call him, the other traiter. I would have let him have it, had he not noticed that his ex was among his group of friends. We all kind of knew to leave them alone, so we did just that, and let the enforcers take us somewhere else.

“Do you think-” Ethan was about to say.

“Wait,” I cut him off as we walked away.

“They’re gonna-”

“Shh!”

I waited until we were all out the exit and near the main floor. I had been holding his hand until now, and I quickly pulled it back to my side as I heard people yell. “I know it’s none of my business, but I don’t like her that much.”

“How come?” Ethan asked, surprised at my words and probably my gesture.

“She hurt him.” I shrugged. “Like, she really, really hurt him. She made him fly back to Ireland only to confirm that they were broken up. She abandoned him.”

“Maybe they’ll work it out this time. He looked happy to see her.”

I would have said more, but then we were joined once again by Brian and his girlfriend, Morgan. They were surprisingly easy to talk to, I hadn't felt completely overwhelmed by them just yet.

“Okay, be honest,” Brian said to me, “How much is he paying you to hang out with him?”

“Well, I don't mean to brag,” I replied, “but… four dollars and pudding cup. Like, I don't wanna say I got it made, but…”

Brian looked at Ethan, betrayed. “She gets a pudding cup and I don't?”

It went on like that. It was fun.

We didn't get back to the hotel until nighttime. Once I was alone with Ethan, I was exhausted. It was a fun day, but I could only handle so much interaction. Not only that, Ethan and Brian were approached by fans more often than not, and while most didn't bat an eye at me, I was sure they would speculate online. So that was another thing to worry about. We had never really talked about when we would publicly show our relationship.

“Hey, so are you coming to my signing tomorrow?” Ethan asked me. Even more things to worry about.

I plopped face down onto the bed and sighed. “Do you want me to go?”

“Well, yeah,” he said as he lied down next to me. “But if it's too stressful for you, then you don't have to stay obviously. But I do want you there.”

Everything is already stressful. I'm not dead, but I'm stressed. I wanted to go home already.

“What about your followers?” I asked. “What’ll they think?”

“I'm sure they figured it out already,” he told me. “I already saw some stuff on Twitter. It's mostly positive.”

I scoffed, grumpy. “I literally do not believe you, but I'm too tired to see for myself.”

“Well, it's true. Some things can turn out positive, believe it or not.” He got up and went to the bathroom.

What was that supposed to mean? How could people not hate me? I went from Mark to Ethan in less than a year, and I knew how shady that looked! Mark had never seen the dark parts of his community until I came into the picture. It could be the same with Ethan's. It had to be the same.

I would have brought it up when he got out of the bathroom but then there was a knock on the door. That sound alone gave me enough energy to get up, grab my skincare products and hide in the bathroom.

~

The next day was Mark’s panel with Tyler, Ethan, Bob, and Wade. In other words, there was no time for fun things under the sheets this time, so I couldn’t find it in me to relax or not think of my empty apartment in Los Angeles. I couldn’t really think rationally either, and that probably had to do with the fact that Ethan had to leave beforehand.

“Will you be okay?” he asked while I was getting ready.

“Yeah.” I’ve learned nothing. “Jack is gonna come find me and…” I trailed off as I filled in my eyebrows with a brush.

“And we’ll never know,” Ethan joked with a small laugh.

I looked at him through the reflection in the mirror. He looked so cute and happy in his dark red pants and navy shirt. He even had his glasses on and everything. I double checked to make sure my brows were okay before standing up to face him.

“Good luck,” I told him with a smile. “I’m proud of you, and you look adorable.”

“Oh, stop!” he replied as he dramatically waved it off. “I’ll see you in the audience?”

“I’ll be the pink dot sitting by the green dot.”

Ethan smiled before quickly kissing me goodbye. As soon as he was out the door I dropped my fake happy expression. I wanted to support him, despite that it took all of my energy. I was starting to remember why I always avoided big events like this. Only a couple more days.

By the time I finished doing my makeup, Jack had come by my room. He was alone, but he looked perkier than usual. He looked happy. I envied him.

“I’m almost ready,” I told him, my brain feeling like static.

“Can we talk for a second?” he requested before adding, “it’s about me and Signe.”

“Okay.”

We sat on the foot of the bed. I had a feeling I already knew what he was going to say, but I had to hear it to be sure.

“We got back together last night.” As expected.

I nodded lightly.

“You think I made the wrong choice,” Jack assumed.

Come on, Baller. Use your words.

“No,” I said. “Well - I’m sorry, I’m just… really tired and… drained. It’s not you, sorry.”

“So you’re cool with it? That we’re back together?” he asked hopefully.

That’s when I hesitated. “Let me put it this way: what if I got back with my ex-boyfriend after everything he put me through? After you saw how I acted and what I did because of him. What would you think of that?”

Jack considered my words and then nodded understandingly. “Okay, I get it.”

“But still,” I continued. “It’s your life, and I want you to be happy, and if she still makes you happy, despite everything, then… I’ll welcome her with my open, anxious arms.”

He chuckled. “Okay. Thanks, Bellers. And, just so you know, I was angry at Mark for a while after what he did to you. It takes time for all of that to pass, so I understand if you don’t warm up to Signe right away.”

“I’ll be nice to her, don’t worry.”

“That’s all I ask.”

~

Mark’s panel was as extra as you could expect. He made the audience scream and wave for the first three minutes. Claimed the room wasn’t big enough for his ego. Then he introduced each of his friends in an equally extra manner.

“The one and only… Tyler! The undying smile! Stand please!”

“Ethan…” (“Is that my introduction?” He pulled a dab.) “The crankiest boy in the West… and the East! Watch as he… introduces himself…” (“Hey… it’s me!”)

“Me. Mark. The unbelievable. Mark. The girthy. Shout big words at me!” (The audience booed, myself included.)

“Bob! Who needs no introduction!”

“Tears come to my eyes when I think of this man. The man who has done so much amazing things in my life, and your guys’s…” (Ethan: “Dude are you crying?”) “Shut up. This man who, not only motivated me when I was in the early stages of my channel… Wade!” (“What’s the catch?” He went to hug Mark.)

Then, the show started. Each guy expressed their opening statements. Ethan did a backflip. Then, Mark announced a tour. The five of them. On the road. Four shows in June. Many cities in the fall. Why was it daunting and intimidating? Because Mark started talking about each member of the team individually.

“Bob and Wade have been my friends for a long time, Tyler has been with me since the beginning, Ethan-”

“I mean nothing to you,” he said with a laugh.

“Let me get to it!” Mark replied after some banter. “So, Ethan is a newcomer to the team but he’s been indispensable in everything we’ve been doing. ‘A Date with Markiplier’ wouldn’t have happened without him, or without Tyler. Or without anybody on the team.” He pointed to a section of the audience. “Amy and Kathryn, you guys are unbelievable. Amy, is my inspiration in everything that I do.”

The audience lost it at that moment. But Mark quickly got their attention again.

“And! I lied, Ethan isn’t the newcomer anymore! Bella, our dear friend Bella, she’s part of the team now and she’s going to be helping us with a lot of cool stuff!”

Once again, the audience lost it. Oh no, attention. Jack nudged my side, and I blushed and kept a stiff smile on my face. I kept my eyes firmly on the guys on stage. Luckily, Mark was able to diffuse that uproar and bring the attention back to the tour.

The guys played some improv games and then talked more about the show without giving away anything major. Then they answered some Twitter questions. It was generally very good and fun, I was able to forget about being put on the spot for the duration of the panel.

One question was the deep and inevitable, “What would you tell your younger self?” All the guys had deep, emotional answers but for some reason, Mark admitting that he was very happy where he is now got me. For a minute, that douchebag persona went away and he genuinely said he was happy. It was actually nice to hear. Also, Tyler said to focus on the small bits of joy instead of everything that was going wrong, and I did not need to hear that at all… but I did.

Finally, Mark fucking cried. It was understandable, though. He got so deep and into the moment that it made some tears arise. It made me think back to our early days at YTU, when he would tell me about everything he wanted to do. His mind was all over the place, and his heart was, or still is, in a good place. He wanted to make change, he wanted to do good things.

He changed mine. I wouldn’t be here, alive or dead, if he wasn’t so determined to talk to me back in 2014.

~

After the panel ended, Jack, Signe, Amy, Kathryn, and I were escorted backstage where we met up with the guys. Then, we all ventured out back to the hotel. For some fucking reason, we decided to walk. Outside. Where it was snowing. I was brutally reminded that I was in fact a desert rat. I held Ethan’s hand like it was a lifeline until we made it back to the hotel.

That was when I slowly started to lose it again. I felt exhausted, but my heart and brain were working overtime. I tried to distract myself by looking on my phone when we were in the elevator, only to find a stalker photo of my and my boyfriend on Tumblr. It was taken from behind, our colorful hair sticking out like sore thumbs. We were holding hands, or I was hugging Ethan’s arm and standing awfully close to him while we were surrounded by people. I honestly didn’t remember where in the convention center we were when that was taken, but it made me feel awfully weird. It wasn’t a little secret anymore.

“Now they know for sure,” Ethan said when I showed him. “That means you can go to my signing!”

If I don’t die first.

“Ooh, that’s gonna be fun,” Amy spoke up from behind us. “Everyone is generally really nice, don’t worry.”

I nodded, despite that I wanted to drown myself in the mini bar in our hotel room. That was a bad sign, right? I felt the need to sedate myself somehow. That’s bad.

Thankfully, I was able to get in some resting time. Ethan was super persistent on getting me to stick with him all day, and if I was going to do that, I had to keep to myself for a bit. I had to be a good girlfriend, but I couldn’t do it while I was on edge.

The mini bar was awfully tempting though. It was on top of the mini fridge, which was right next to the desk where I had my makeup laid out. However, Ethan was sat behind me on the bed. Maybe I could just wait until he went to the bathroom or something.

“Are you putting makeup on top of your makeup?” he asked at one point.

“Just on my eyes,” I replied, sounding distant for a multitude of reasons. “Maybe I’ll go nuts and put on false eyelashes.” Or I’ll go nuts in general. Whichever happens first.

At least I had new products to try out. Three hundred dollars’ worth of items. My soft, neutral look from this morning was quickly turned into a glittery cut crease. I was blown away by this liquid eyeshadow, I had to stop myself from reacting the way I did in my videos: an excited squeal and dropping a thousand f-bombs. Oh, and I did add false lashes. I got carried away in the name of distractions. When I finished the look, I turned to Ethan.

“Too much?” I asked.

“Huh?”

I waved around my face. “Do I look okay? Too much glitter? Too much glow?”

Ethan scooted up so he was at the foot of the bed and directly in front of me. He put on a mock thoughtful face and stroked his chin.

“Hmm, turn your head,” he told me, and I obliged. “Yes, very shiny. Very… contour-y. You sacrificed many babies to look this pretty, I can tell.”

I breathed out a laugh and looked him in the eyes again.

“Shiny nose,” he mumbled.

“In an oily way or a glowy way?” I asked as I reached for my compact.

“Glowing,” he quickly replied, grabbing my hand to stop me. “It’s adorable! Ya look gore-gus!”

“Aw, thanks boo!” I said, waving it off. “Now, come here. I have to do a kiss test.”

That caught him by surprise. “Kiss test?”

I pointed to my mouth. “New liquid lipstick. I need to see if it transfers, and it’s boring to kiss the back of my hand.”

He chuckled. “Okay, then.”

We moved closer to each other, I placed a hand on his shoulder, and I kissed him right on the mouth. Yes, this was a ploy to make out with him, but it was also for research! I had to keep it short, though. Too much kissing would obviously make the color transfer. I pulled back and quickly ran my thumb over his lips, doing a quick inspection.

“Alright, cool,” I concluded as I turned back towards the mirror.

“That’s it?” Ethan asked.

“Yup! Thank you, chulo!”

“Tease!”

_______

final chapter

[sweetnestor]

You Look Happier | Chapter 8

university au, teamiplier + jack

platonic/romance/angst/(smut at one point but it’ll only be on ao3)

previous chapter

“I have a question,” Ethan prompted one night when I had picked him up from campus.

Four words that immediately made me want to shit myself. But it’s Ethan, so I tried to silence the string of worrisome thoughts in my head.

“Okay.”

“How come you never let me drive?” he asked.

It was bound to happen. I had rehearsed telling him before, but I couldn’t do it. I mean I could, I just sounded irrational and dumb.

“Um…” Good start, Bella. “It’s a thing…” Even better. “And anxiety thing. I just get really, really on edge when other people drive. I don’t know why.” That’s a fucking lie, I know damn well what causes that specific anxiety, but it was for another conversation. “I just, I have to always be driving.”

He didn’t say anything at first. My stomach began flipping over. Now I’ve done it. I was too insane for him. This is where it ends.

“I’m sorry,” he spoke at last. “Could you repeat that?”

Oh.

“I get nervous when other people drive,” I said. Short and sweet.

“Can I ask why?”

“Anxiety’s a bitch. But being the driver keeps me calm, so…”

Ethan hummed. “So… I could never drive you to, like, a surprise date or anything?”

My heart ached a little bit. I shrugged in response. “I don’t know.”

“Hm. Well, that’s okay. Whatever makes you comfortable.” He paused. “Can I ask another question?”

I chuckled out of nerves. “Okay.”

“Do you care… or, does it matter to you…” He paused again. “Uh… words, I know those. Um, does it matter that we, uh, only go on dates when we’re in the car? Or, wait no - does it bother you that we don’t go on, um, fancy dates?”

“Well,” I started, “I think any amount of time we spend alone together counts as a date. And no, I’m not really bothered by what we do or where we go as long as we’re together.”

“Aww…” he sounded reassured, but then he was quiet again. “It’s just that… when I was at PAX, and I told my friends about us, they - well, we always make fun of each other ‘cause we’re all idiots - but uh… what was I saying? Fuck!”

“You told your friends about us,” I reminded him.

“Oh yeah! Oh…” Ethan perked up for a second but then was timid again. “They just said some stuff about not knowing how to show a girl a good time, and… Well, it doesn’t matter what we do, I like spending time with you. I just wanted to, uh, know if we’re, uh… on the same page.”

Again, my heart was doing crazy things. For some reason, I didn’t think he cared about my thoughts on our time together. I was happy to do whatever he wanted, honestly.

“We are,” I reassured. “Like I said, I don’t care what we do as long as we’re together.”

“What about your anxiety?”

I hesitated. “Okay, there’s some things we can’t do, or…” Now I was struggling with my words. I was now debating whether or not I could try things with him that normally scared me, like going to a restaurant, the movies, or even sex. Oh god, is there the possibility of us having sex? “But, um, I’m fine with us having car dates. I just wanna spend time with you.” Nice save.

Ethan reached over and squeezed my shoulder. The touch was random, but I liked it.

“Did your friends say anything about us?” I asked, because it was going to bug me along with the other intimacy crap circulating my mind.

“Oh, they’re glad I finally hired someone to be my girlfriend,” he casually said. “Which reminds me, I need to talk to you about your paycheck.”

“Oh yeah, if I’m putting in all these night shifts, I expect to be paid extra,” I told him.

He giggled and played with a strand of my hair. “I picked the right girl.”

I blushed as I pulled into a drive-thru. “Yes, I like having you as my fake boyfriend who pays me to hang out with him.”

We got food and I parked in a more secluded area of the lot. It was a quarter to nine, so there was still some commotion around the place. I preferred the small space of my car to a crowded restaurant anyway.

“What does Sean think of us?” Ethan asked after a while.

“He was happy when I told him,” I replied. “But I think he wants to give you like a ‘dad talk’ or something.” The thought made me chuckle.

“What did he say?” He sounded amused.

“Something about me being his ‘blossoming flower’ and that you better be good to me ‘or else.’ Dad stuff. Just wait til he sees you on campus or something.” I shrugged it off as I giggled.

“That’ll be fun.”

We went silent as we ate, letting the night sink in. I wasn’t thinking too hard about anything I had said to Ethan all night. It felt easy for the most part. Things felt calmer with him, that was the difference between this relationship and my past ones.

“So,” Ethan spoke up again, “is Jack like… your dad…? Or, a brother?”

I took a sip of my drink and thought about it. “I don’t know, actually. He’s family to me. Most times he’s my brother. Sometimes, he’s the dad… other times he’s the cool aunt, or a distant cousin. I don’t know. He’s my best friend.”

He hummed in response. “That’s nice.”

I wanted to say that Jack was probably my strongest reason to stay alive in the last few months, but it was probably too soon for all that dark stuff to arise. Well, despite the fact that Ethan had already seen me in one of my lowest points, which made me think even more. Were we going to pretend like my intervention never happened?

A pang of anxiety went through my chest. I took a deep breath, actually trying to remember what I learned in therapy. New relationship. We weren’t going to talk about everything within the first couple of weeks. These things take time.

“Do you have a best friend?” I asked him.

He sat up, a bit more excited now. “Yeah! She’s back home in Maine, so I haven’t seen her in a while. Oh! But she’s the best, I’ve known her since…”

I listened as he gushed about this girl. I wondered if that was how I looked and sounded when I spoke of Jack. Still, I listened, glad to be knowing about my boyfriend’s other friends. But in the back of my head, I still had a feeling of impending doom over the possibility of meeting all the people that were important to him. It was bound to happen.

Naturally, after who-knows-how-long of sharing friend stories, we stopped talking. We were looking at each other the way they do in those gross romantic movies. I had gotten pepped up and excited over his gushing so I was in a good mood now.

“You’re so pretty,” Ethan mumbled. He was twiddling a long strand of my hair between his fingers. He was doing that more and more often these days.

“No, you,” I said back, booping his nose.

He hummed and brushed the end of my hair against my cheek. I couldn’t help but grin like a doofus. Then, he started to lean in, making butterflies explode in my stomach. Ethan’s hand then suddenly moved to the base of my neck as he pulled me in for a kiss.

My hand flew to his arms, mildly startled by the gesture. But I didn’t want to stop. I tried to move closer, but the space between our seats was making things difficult. I pulled back, and the air was suddenly heightened. How far was this going to go? We were in the car, in a public place.

“You wanna go to the back?” Ethan softly asked.

Jesus Christ, how could I say no to that voice?

I nodded and went first. As I climbed to the backseat, I felt that bundle of anxiety develop in my chest again. Oh god, not now. I could push through it.

Ethan quickly joined me, pausing for a moment when he was sat next to me. The longer we sat in silence, the more the feelings in my chest and throat intensified. I quickly leaned in and kissed him again, trying not to throw myself all over him. No need to rush things.

It was comfortable. I liked the feeling of him kissing me and biting my lip. Getting kissed by Ethan was something I didn’t know I needed. I shyly placed my hand on the side of his neck, scooting just a little closer to him. His hand moved from my waist to the inner part of my thigh.

That’s when I couldn’t ignore the anxiety anymore.

When I pulled back, I gasped for air. I didn’t remove myself from Ethan completely though, but my sudden move did startle him. My heart was pounding, but I couldn’t tell if it was good or bad. My breathing was short, but I wasn’t sure if it was from making out with him, or because I was about to spiral.

“Hey,” Ethan said, lifting my chin. He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “Everything okay?”

“It’s…” I breathed out, “it’s been a while. I’m… I’m just nervous.”

“It’s okay, me too. Look.” Ethan leaned back and held his hand up; It was trembling. “You’re not alone here.”

That was soothing. I sighed, somewhat relieved.

“I wasn’t really expecting to go… all the way, anyway,” he continued as he sat back. “I’m sorry if I rushed anything.”

I shook my head, trying to keep my thoughts in order. “No, no, you didn’t do anything. My… my brain wants to fuck me over sometimes. It’s not you at all. I liked it, I liked y-you… touching my thigh… I’m just, my brain… my brain…”

Ethan took my shaky hand in his. “It’s okay. I understand. We can go slower if you want.”

It was reassuring. He was doing everything right. Still, I couldn’t help the guilt and embarrassment.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” I told him, leaning back against the window.

“What do you mean?”

“My anxiety.”

“I’ve known about it from the start. I knew that things like this were going to happen.”

“But it’s worse than just this,” I said. “I have full blown panic attacks where I literally think I’m dying. I could probably never go to a movie theatre, or any place that’s crowded because it triggers the attacks. I could never let you drive. Sometimes I’ll even throw up because the anxiety is so intense.”

“So how do I help you?” he asked. “What helps you when you’re having a panic attack?”

I looked at him, mildly surprised. “I… Talk to me about literally anything, it’s distracting and it helps. I usually need water… and remind me to breathe every so often. Don’t count how long I breathe, it makes me feel weird. My hand tingles too, um, holding it and squeezing actually helps.”

He did it right as I said it. The feeling was strangely calming.

“That’s the only touch I can handle when I’m in the middle of it,” I continued. “So, no hugs or back rubbing. Um… that’s most of it, I think. B-But, don’t feel obligated to help me at all, I can usually power through it on my own, you really don’t have to-”

“Babe.” Ethan hesitated. “If I can call you that… I’m here for you. I will help you in whatever way I can. Okay?”

I looked down at our intertwined fingers. “You can call me whatever you want.”

“Alright then, shithead. I’m here for you, okay?”

I lied my head on his shoulder to hide the tiny grin. “Whatever you say, fuckface.”

~

My semester at YTU wasn’t as busy as I had anticipated. Only three days into it, I couldn’t help but feel like I should have been doing something more. Jack was busy with classes from eight to two, and then recording until the late evening. Ethan’s class schedule was a bit more scattered, so in between lectures he was at Mark’s office, and then recording for his own channel.

All I could do was wait. I had an hour or two to kill between my second and third class. I got a text from Sophie, inviting me over to her dorm. Knee jerk reaction: Ignore the text. Slightly rationalized reaction: make up an excuse. Even more rationalized: do it because you have nothing better to do!

I did go, after arguing with myself for a good ten minutes in my car. I had only been to the girls’ dorms a couple of times, and it was in fact Sophie’s room I had been to. Luckily, she never changed rooms in the time she’s been on campus, so I would be going to a familiar setting.

Aria was there too. Better her than a complete stranger. The air wasn’t as tense as I had feared it would be. I hadn’t spoken to either of them since that day in my apartment.

“So how’ve you been?” asked Aria who was plopped down on Sophie’s perfectly made bed.

“She means generally,” added the blonde, who was working at her desk. Then, she almost dramatically turned in her chair to face me. “Unless you wanna talk about anything?”

I refrained from rolling my eyes. She was trying, I suppose.

“I’m fine, really,” I told both girls. Kinda wanted to tell them I had a boyfriend now, but I didn’t really trust either of them. “Things are fine. What about you guys?”

Aria rolled over and began rambling. “Okay, so we’re working on another show for the team, ad we need more sponsors and new routines. And we also need a wider music variety because we used a lot of the same artist last show. Oh! And we’re opening up auditions again soon - do you wanna try out for the team?”

“Uh, I don’t dance,” I replied simply.

“That’s true,” Sophie piped up. Thanks. “She’s a singer.”

“Oh, you should totally sing with us at the Friday show!” Aria exclaimed.

“I-I’ve done that before,” I told her. “I’m… trying not to take on too much at once.”

“Yeah, we sang together like… what was it? A year, or two ago?” Sophie added.

That was true. During my second semester, I sang a Taylor Swift cover at one of the infamous Friday talent shows. Apart from the video that was taken that night, I didn’t remember any of it. Whether it was the intense nerves or the alcohol, it was a blank in my head.

I stuck around with the two girls until I had to leave for my next class. After that, I sat in a semi-crowded classroom for two hours without crying. Then I went to Jack’s dorm and waited for him to finish recording. By the time we were leaving for dinner, I got a text from Mark who wanted to meet at the end of the week.

Right. Things were better between us. I had mentioned the small interaction I had with Amy on Moving Day, and he liked the idea of us meeting up on our own. That day was still yet to come, but it was sitting in the back of my head like a bomb waiting to go off.

_______

next chapter

[sweetnestor]

thankies

So, that was the end of that series. Story of Another Us, Stone Cold, and You Look Happier hold a special place in my heart, and I had so much fun writing these. Now it’s time for some thank you’s!

People who liked every chapter, I saw you. It means a lot. It shows me that you read my stuff and you actually enjoyed it. It could also mean you’re very casual with your likes and you just hit like on every post you see, but I like to think the former.

People who comment on the chapters on ao3 mean the fucking world to me. I loved hearing from people, telling me they would think about my work during the day and stuff. It’s like… the best feeling. I love every person who sent me a message on anon, even if it was a friend of mine pretending to actually read my fic. I appreciate the validation.

Shoutout to all the artists I listened to during the making of these series. The titles of all three fics are actual songs (thought I’m sure yall knew that already) and they capture exactly what each fic was about. Those were some of my biggest motivators. Like Bella, music really inspires me and words out the things I can’t say.

If I hadn’t started watching Mark’s or Jack’s videos last year, none of this would be here. I wouldn’t have made something I actually love and I wouldn’t have made my bitch ass protagonist. I wouldn’t have been able to cope with my own noisy brain without Mark, Jack, and later on, Ethan. Okay, but for real, if I hadn’t started watching Ethan’s videos, I never would have found a better match for Bella. (I mean, it could have been Jack, but I didn’t wanna give in to that trope.) They don’t know me and they wouldn’t care, but I have to acknowledge them.

We started talking more towards the end of this series, but @bow-chika-wowie gave me some decent input on You Look Happier, and they even made Sims of Ethan and Bella. Dude. Best. Thing. Ever. Should we post pics of that? Make use of the ethella fan club tag.

And finally, a giant shoutout to @themarkiplierexperience, who actually gave me some amazing ideas and hc’s for this fic. Honestly, I don’t think You Look Happier would be what it is without her. *aaawww* Fun facts: that lil hula girl Ethan gives Bella in chapter 10? Her idea. That argument Mark and Bella have about ADWM/the egos that’s also in chapter 10? All her. The latter is actually how we started talking. I still have screenshots that I saved for future reference. She gave me a lot of input and feedback with every chapter I posted, and it just made me wanna write more. Thanks bro, you don’t suck.

SIDENOTE: I’m 99% sure I won’t be writing another full length, multichapter fic, but I will continue to write things that take place in that universe. Stay tuned, I’ve got some stuff coming and one of those things may or may not another fic writer and a British guy.

If yall have any questions, comments, or your own hc’s based on these fics, then PLEASE share them! I seriously love hearing all these things. It’s literally how I’ve made friends on here.

Thankies!!

[sweetnestor]

4, 8, 9, 10, 23, 24 For the get to know the author thing 💖

its a long one boys!

4. favorite character you’ve written

you would think i’d pick bella, and tbh i love that bih to death and im v v proud of her, but my fave characters i’ve written would have to be the witch/vampire hybrid lady and the peppy perky half-possessed rich girl. they’re both from original stories of mine.

8. fave genre to write

i used to love writing smut ngl ppffffttt but now im all about angst/horror and im hella excited abt the spoopy fic. sadness is my specialty lmao

9. what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

i listen to a lot of music, hence all the titles for the fics on this blog are from songs. also i use irl things and incorporate them into my fics (ex: teamiplier going on tour. ethan’s drunk stream)

10. write in silence or background noise? with people or alone?

always with background noise. if i really wanna be in the Writing Mood, i turn down the lights and put on my headphones. and ALWAYS alone. i mean i’ve written at starbucks but i made sure to be in a secluded corner. people are very nosy when they see someone writing in a notebook lmao.

23. any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

living in the world as a bisexual mexican female has definitely shaped my writing and my characters lmao. other things would include: starting college (@ ytu universe), family deaths (@ the main ytu story), relationships (@ short dancer character and her v first relationship, also @ ethella always being in the car lowkey regret that now), my own loneliness (one character has plenty of friends bc i didnt have any of my own)

24. have you become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about in order to better a scene or story?

not an Expert, but i have researched quite a bit of the following for many different stories: bars in london, high functioning alcoholism, dance camps, working for a rich family, house staff for wealthy families, the seven princes of hell, miscarriage, salem witch trials, anxiety medication, recovering from a suicide attempt, general rules and regulations of running a university