#especially when several of us are straight up animals

[creatureintheaffinicompact]

i dont just need to be domesticated, i also NEED class G's, not just for the rapid perfect transition but also i can finally fulfill my purpose of becoming a catgirl

[tizeline]

TSAU Season 1 Finale - Part 1

It's about damn time I go over the TSAU's version of the remaining season 1 finale, as well as episode 1 of season 2, so HERE WE ARE! I am too lazy to adapt the entire thing into a proper comic, especially considering several plot points remain rather unchanged from canon, so we're doing whatever this format is instead.

(You should read Cell Talk and Gearing Up before this if you haven't already)

But a quick recap, the Gearing Up comic ended with Draxum in the Dark Armour going up to the surface with Mikey to start with the whole conquering humanity thing. Raph and Leo have offically joined Team Good Guys and they, alongside Donnie, Splinter, April, Shelldon and Mayhem went after Draxum to stop his evil plans.

When they make surface, Draxum and Mikey have already started their rampage and are just kinda wrecking the baseball stadium. The Foot are also at the stadium, clearly still expecting The Shredder to show up or something. Team Good Guys (yes that's their name now) figure it's probably good to try to get whatever info about the Dark Armour they can so April and Mayhem teleport to where The Foot are to try to gather some intel that might help them in the fight against Draxum.

Meanwhile, the others start fighting Draxum and Mikey. Draxum is low-key kinda baffled that Raph just straight up switched teams lmao. Leo is one thing, but Raph has always been so loyal and responsible so it's real suprising that he's completely disobeying orders. None of the Draxum family members are really enthusiastic about fighting each other (except maybe Mikey he's kinda pissed at this point) but they engage in battle anyway. Donnie, Shelldon and Splinter are less hesitant about kicking Draxum's ass and don't really hold their punches lmao. Despite that they're kinda struggling considering both Drax and Mikey are so strong, but that's when April and Mayhem teleport back with that useful intel!

What April learned from her intel-gathering is that The Foot think there is some kind of flaw with the armour, like in canon, you know the deal. What differs from canon is exactly how that flaw occured. Turns out that Donnie when he was younger got a little bit carried away with giving Shelldon cool powerful weapons and Shelldon enced up accidentally shooting up the teapot to smithereens, oopsie! Donnie managed to reassembe it before Splinter saw, but with one of the pieces having gone missing he had to sacrifice his Atomic Lass figurine to plug up the final hole (he's still upset about that to this day btw). BUT POINT IS, like in canon this means that the armour has a obvious weakpoint and if they hit that it might be enough to knock Draxum out of the armour!

You know what happens next, they resume the fighting with this new strategy in mind and eventually they manage to get a lucky hit in and as predicted knocking out the Atomic Lass toy causes Draxum to get knocked out as well. Except YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS and you know it's not quite that easy. Lo and behold, the Atomic Lass figurine was the last thing keeping The Shredder from being resurrected, so now that it's gone? Yeah, the Dark Armour is finally completed, it slurps Draxum's life-force or whatever and then spits him out.

The Shredder is back.

... Except not entirely of course, like in canon he's acting like a wild animal attacking anything that moves, but regardless it's still a new threat they have to deal with. With Draxum being so hurt, Leo makes the decision to portal him back home, and to also send Mikey with him. Both because Draxum probably needs someone to look after him and also Leo doesn't really wanna deal with Mikey's attitude at the moment with everything else going on lmao.

From here on out the battle against Shredder begins. This too goes mostly the same way as in canon, Shredder kinda kicks all of their asses before suddenly teleporting away, and then that song and dance repeats a couple of times before Team Good Guys figure they need a better strategy. Splinter brings up how Big Mama would probably have a way to subdue Shredder, only problem is that it's BIG MAMA and he does NOT wanna go anywhere close to her. In canon Leo brought Splinter with him to BM anyway, but in the AU he kinda respects Splinter, or rather Lou Jitsu, too much to force him to come along. Instead Leo decides he and Raph will go to BM for help, while the others keep Shredder from completely wrecking New York.

The rest of the finale continues in Part 2!

[screamingcrows]

Genshin characters as ways animals court and mate

Welcome to another round of (hopefully) the weirdest biology lessons you'll ever receive. Essentially a shitpost, someone should take away my writing privileges. There could be better suited animals out there, I just chose from the ones I know. Some are reposts from my old blog, some are new.

Characters: Wriothesley, Dehya, Venti, Keqing, Kaeya, Xiangling, Neuvillette, Pantalone

Tags: nsfw in the way a national geographic documentary is, there are no graphic details but proceed at your own discretion

Wriothesley - Acinonyx jubatus (Cheetah)

Regrettably, Wriothesley doesn't have as much time to see you as he'd prefer, seeing as he spends most of his time in the fortress. As such, he can be somewhat of a passionate and at times eager lover when he gets his hands on you. He takes pride in his physique and thoroughly enjoys when you're visiting and goes down to watch him train. Better yet if you see him win a match. Once he has you alone, he wastes no time getting close, his voice low and sultry as he asks about all that has transpired since he saw you last. His hands roam along your body as you try to answer, knowing full well nothing you say makes sense, heart swelling at the look in his eyes. It's fine, he'll ask again later when you're both relaxing with a cup of tea. Cheetahs are actually very straight-forward when it comes to reproduction. Males living in coalitions will sometimes fight for the right to mate. Females use a combination of vocal signals and urination to attract a partner, the male might also use urination to indicate his location. Once the pair meet, the male produces a series of sounds called the 'stutter-bark' which triggers female hormonal cascades and induces ovulation so the female is in prime condition for mating. Wriothesley could make a lot of people ovulate with his voice alone let's be honest.

Dehya - Orcinus orca (orca / killer whale)

You first notice that things have changed when Dehya starts inviting you along (only on jobs that are low risk, of course). Then you notice how her touch begins to change, what used to be simply grabbing your wrist to pull you back before a sumpter beast could trample you turns into a lingering hand at the small of your back or a thumb rubbing circles along the back of your hand as she doesn't let go. She's always been talkative with you, but at this point, there are so many layers to your communication that an outsider would have trouble following a conversation. Next, you realise that several in the Corps of Thirty recognise you as "The Flame-Mane's partner", something that only makes her smile and wrap an arm around your shoulder when you bring it up. "You don't seem to mind it". From there, she's in Sumeru City more often, dedicating her time there to you - especially if she can convince you to let her dress you up. Orcas are incredibly intelligent and have a very high level of social organisation. Pods are tightly knit but can split for a few weeks to months depending on conditions. Courtship behaviour typically includes vocalisation specific to the dialect of that clan (one organisational level above pods), play-like behaviour such as breaching the surface, and non-sexual physical touch. "Coerced mating" does not seem to appear in orcas, with one observed instance of a male (with the aid of its mother) attempting to kill a female's offspring to mate with her resulting in the female severely wounding the male and thus dissuading further attempts. Orcas have also been observed to... dress up.... by placing dead fish on their heads and swimming around like that.

Venti - Sepia apama (Giant cuttlefish)

This little charmeur knows exactly how to play the mating game despite competition being fierce. Not exactly imposing, people merely scoff when he cozies up to you. Sure, he has his hands all over you and his head making a bee-line towards your lap. But he's drunk. And oddly endearing in how gently he touches you, like you're something precious, his eyes almost shining when he looks at you. Gotta remember he's a poet as well, a few of his sweet words and it's impossible to resist going home with him. Giant cuttlefish males are very competitive and aggressive, with the largest ones being able to secure females. BUT smaller males, sometimes referred to as 'sneaker males', will wait for the larger male to be distracted and sneak past to mate. They've also been observed to change their colouring and hide their hectocotylus (think of it as a specialised penis-arm) to resemble a female and better hide.

Keqing - Hippocampus hippocampus (Short-snouted seahorse)

The Yuheng of the Liyue Qixing is, unsurprisingly, a busy young lady. However, that doesn't mean there's no time for frivolities. It's just a matter of adjusting your schedules, nothing a bit of planning can't handle. She's fond of inviting you for early morning walks, preferably bringing breakfast for a brief stop at the outskirts of Liyue Harbour. Of course, you notice that she starts asking for your opinion on a multitude of topics, most curiously when you've joined her for shopping and any compliment from your lips has a faint blush dusting her cheeks. Despite how independent she is, the closer you two become, the more comfortable she gets with trusting you to lighten her load. Absolutely adores coming home to you being all domestic. Short-snouted seahorses are extremely faithful to each other once they're a pair, even syncronising their reproductive stages to be fertile at the same time. The first time every day a pair meet, they perform a 'greeting' that typically lasts more than five minutes and consists of moving around together. Like all other seahorses, they are ovoviviparous, meaning the female has an ovipositor that she uses to deposit eggs into a pouch on the male's abdomen. The male carries the eggs until they are fully developed, at which point he goes into labour. Interestingly, a male in a secure pair is ready to receive eggs mere hours after labour without any negative health impact.

Kaeya - Pavo muticus (Green peafowl)

Kaeya is impossible. Between being quite the flirt and keeping everyone at arm's length, you well and truly have no idea what's going on. You think he always dresses up a little more nicely when he knows in advance you'll be there. You think he tenses a little less when it's your hand that brushes against his skin. You think he sounds a little more sincere when he invites you home. But that's the frightening part, you think a lot of things, but you don't know anything. Not until the day he looks a little worse for wear, makes no move to undress you after sitting down on the bed. He brings your hand to his cheek, guides your fingers to push his eyepatch off. You don't praise the beauty, instead opting to press a kiss to his eyelid. That's when he confesses to having only sought out your company and how he doesn't want to continue with things as they are. He wants more, even if it scares him. Green peafowl sets itself apart from the more commonly known Indian peafowl by not displaying lek behaviour (a lek is a gathering of males where they 'perform' for the attention of females that roam around). In the wild, young males have been primarily observed maintaining a harem, but because of conflicting observations, it is believed that while juvenile birds can gather in a harem, older birds form monogamous pairs. While the tail of a peacock is traditionally considered an ornament for attracting females, it is now also considered "honest signalling of fitness". A longer tail makes flight more difficult, and evidence points towards investment in tail growth happening at the expense of immune function. A bit like some unhealthy things humans are prone to partake in to enhance appeal.

Xiangling - Blattella germanica (German cockroach)

It probably comes as no surprise that Xiangling likes to surprise you with treats and meals. She takes great pride in making sure you're provided for and makes certain there's never a dull moment for your tastebuds. Maybe it's a little overwhelming at first, but don't worry, she'll learn your preferences for flavour combinations quickly. But more than anything, Xiangling loves being in the kitchen with you and seeing you add your own personal touch. Sure, she has a penchant for running all over the place, but there's no place like home. Blattella germanica males produce a sugary substance that they secrete from their back, offering it to females to keep them still long enough for copulation. This penchant for glucose led producers of pest controls to include it as bait, but as nature tends to, this has prompted a rise of glucose-aversion and a shift towards the sugary substance produced containing more complex sugars to distinguish the taste. Experimental little chefs.

Neuvillette - Torquigener albomaculosus (white-spotted pufferfish)

The kind, thoughtful, compassionate, awkward Iudex of Fontaine is the picture of "he's a little confused, but he's got the spirit." Neuvillette has no idea what to do with himself the first time he feels his heart tighten at your smile. Unfortunately, he's not exactly subtle, various romance novels suddenly popping up around his office... He tries everything, consults Furina (not a good idea, too many sweets), the melusine (better but still not great, aquatic flowers aren't that appealing on dry land), gifts you pure spring water with a taste description matches your personality in his mind (Wriothesley begged him to just invite you for tea instead and Neuvillette should have listened). It gets especially bad endearing when he asks you to accompany him for a stroll. You're confused when he brings you out into shallow water, insisting you sit down while he proudly presents the partially submerged 'nest' so you will always have a safe place to return to. These pufferfish have some unique habits compared to other pufferfish. To impress a female and show that she will be well taken care of, the male creates a large nest on the seafloor, making big circles and pushing the sand around to get it just right. We're not exactly sure why they make these nest... And even less why they seemingly refuse to reuse them. It's believed that females pick a male based on how 'impressive' the design is and how fine the sand within the nest is - presumably for the safety of the eggs. If I were a pufferfish and a slightly different kind of pufferfish started showing off a nest, I'd be pretty confused.

Pantalone - Gerridae spp. (Water striders) OR Garrulus glandarius (Eurasian jay)

How Pantalone acts very much depends on who you are and how you behave. If you're simply a means to an end (his own release) then you can expect to be used, under threats of misfortune if you're uncooperative, and then discarded. But, if you've truly caught his attention as something worth keeping, then you can expect a well thought out, catered specifically to your tastes, display of his wealth and what he can offer you if you stick around. Gerridae males will mount the female while they're on the water surface and thrum his legs against the surface to attract predators (the female is more likely to be eaten since she is closer to the surface), only stopping once the female stops resisting. The eurasian jay has been observed to regularly give gifts, not only right before mating, and has displayed that conscious thought goes into picking what the female will appreciate the most, with often opting for bringing her something 'new and exciting'.

If you - for unknown reasons - would want me to assign your fav (from genshin or hsr) an animal, send me an ask (❁´◡`❁)

There's also a comprehensive guide on Dottore and mating

[kiame-sama]

in our world, we have monsterfuckers, the shape of water, more monster/human-relationship fiction, and sex toys designed to look like something an animal/monster would have. in the au, how would the reverse be? is there a market for humanfuckers? would idia have to hide all his sex toys and smut?

Adults content under the cut, by selecting 'view more' you consent to view content and are of age to view content

Azul, Jade, Floyd, Riddle, Idia, Lilia, and (surprisingly) Leona are the ones really considered to be Humanfuckers.

~~~~~~~~

There are a bunch of Humanfuckers in Monster AU TWST. Most merfolk are big into Humanfucking and bemoan the fact that Humans are Extinct. To merfolk, Humans were peak beauty standards and even relics of Humans or their likeness is used for sex toys of varying types. From foot-shape, to tongue shape, and even genitals, many monster folk have made sex toys in the likeness of Humans despite Humans being extinct.

Trottr is the TWST AU's version of Tumblr and Azul has a blog dedicated to Humanfucker fics with a decent follower count. He himself has written no less than 900,000 words among his various fics that are solely Humanfucker content. He writes some of the filthiest smut with a straight face despite being a blushing virgin who gets squirmy at the prospect actually kissing someone. He prays the Human never finds his Trottr account or he will hide in an Octopus pot and never leave it again.

Riddle is into more of the fluffy Humanfucker fics as Unicorns always had a very close bond with Humans before the extinction. He has long since fantasized about having his own Human to be his King of Hearts that he can marry and domestically snuggle. Riddle has been interested in Humans since he was a little colt hearing stories of the Queen of Hearts and her Human.

Floyd and Jade are big into reading the Humanfucker content Azul and others write, but neither are interested in writing for themselves. Floyd because he just wants to enjoy a fic and not work on it, Jade because he likes the idea of having a Human of his own and finds the near desperate content Azul rolls out to be delicious.

Idia has been a die-hard Humanfucker for years because he grew up with the granddaddy protector of all Humans- Papa Hades. Idia has several fleshlights of Human asses and vaginas and even a few cocks he uses frequently. There is a reason he was alright with being the Human's guard despite his anxiety and he religiously watches the many cameras he has placed around Ramshackle (a few hidden ones in the Human's room too).

Lilia is new to Trottr- introduced by Idia himself during their gaming sessions- but quickly found the Humanfucker side of Trottr and never left it. He thinks it's funny how much these authors get wrong about Humans, but some content certainly gets him going and purring loudly. He is particularly a fan of Azul's Humanfucker content.

Leona is a closeted Humanfucker and refuses to admit to it, especially because he is a Nemean Lion. He loves the idea of a soft little Human he can just go down on for hours and the idea of those Human hands pulling his mane make his eyes roll back in bliss. He loves the Humanfucker content but never leaves Anon.

The Humanfuckers of Twisted Wonderland really popped off when it was revealed a Human now lived at Night Raven College. Fanart, fics, and even some pornos have already been made using the Human's likeness because now all the Humanfuckers actually have a Human to obsess over instead of wistful wishing over an extinct species. The thirst is real and even a few of the representatives are closeted Humanfuckers. Honestly, the #Human #Humanfucker tags on Trottr have never been so well-fed before.

Malleus is an unofficial Humanfucker because he isn't interested in Humans as a whole, just His Human Hoard member.

If nudes of the Human were to ever circulate, the Humanfuckers would be rabid over them and literally eat the pictures because of how desperate they are. There is a reason many of the Poachers are not looking to kill the Human, but to kidnap them. Either for their own Humanfucking desires or to satiate the desires of other Humanfuckers.

[a-killer-obsession]

G, P, U 12 or 14+15 or all three?👀👀

Two Silly Boys

Prompt: Degradation/Sex Pollen/Unbearable

Additional Tags: afab reader, she/her pronouns, begging, oral (receiving), ass eating (receiving), petplay dog/master, double penetration (anal + vaginal), anal fingering, outdoor sex, semi-public sex

WC: 2.8k

Event Masterlist

🔞 Minors DNI 🔞

Going out to sea to explore the world was something you'd dreamed of doing since you were a child, so when captain of the Heart Pirates, Trafalgar Law, offered you a place on his crew as their resident botanist you happily accepted. Much like you, Law was a healer, but while he practised modern medicine, you used more traditional methods. It was one of the reasons he was so keen on having you join, he'd come to learn the hard way several times in his journey that modern medicines and remedies weren't always available, and while he knew a little about the botany in North Blue and how to use it to heal, the flora of the Grandline was a whole different ordeal. He wanted to learn from you, as well as teach his crew how to stay safe when there were so many unfamiliar and dangerous plants in the New World. Born and raised on the Grandline, New World flora was your specialty, and you were happy to share your knowledge. In truth, it was nice to have someone who cared enough to listen.

Being botanist to the Heart Pirates did have its downsides though, namely two of them: Shachi and Penguin. You couldn't possibly fathom how no matter how many times you scolded them, they always ended up in the infirmary after touching or eating a plant that they shouldn't have. It drove you insane, you swore next time they needed a healing tincture that you'd just let them suffer. The two of them never learned, and somehow it always fell to you to fix their mistakes, because they didn't want the captain to literally rearrange their limbs for being such idiots.

A new uninhabited island loomed on the horizon, docking procedures already underway, and you sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose, having no doubt you'd be seeing them in the infirmary later. You gave the crew the usual talk; don't touch or eat anything without checking with you first, don't pick anything, don't stomp on mushrooms even if they look cool and squishable. You hoped the trouble makers were listening but you knew they weren't. Once docked, you spent the afternoon with the crew, exploring the island and collecting herbs and flowers that you knew had medical uses and gathering them carefully in a basket. You were especially delicate with a flower you recognised as having use for treating libido and erectile issues, you had no use for it but you thought Law might be interested in its properties for the way it increased blood flow, so you carefully picked several and placed them in an airtight jar.

You returned to the ship to store and organise your forage, setting some aside for drying and making notes and sketches in your journal about the variety of flora on the island. Forage sorted and put away, you left the ship again for a more causal, exploratory wander. The others had declared after a thorough search that there was no danger on this island, there were barely any large animals at all which meant the only predators were too small to truly endanger a human. Confident you were safe on your own, you wandered into the forest. You weren't worried about getting lost, you had an exceptional sense of direction and worst case the island was only about a three hour walk wide, you would appear on a beach eventually if you walked in a straight line, and from there you could just circle it to the ship.

An hour into your leisurely walk and the sound of moaning caught your attention. At first you thought you'd accidently stumbled on a few crewmates taking advantage of the dense forest, and turned to leave and give them privacy, till the moans mixed with pained curses and desperate cries. They sounded like they were injured so you hurried towards the sound, already pulling off your backpack to grab your emergency supplies. You skidded to a stop when the crewmates came into view though. The troublemakers, who else. What shocked you however was their current predicament. Naked as the day they were born, covered in a sheen of sweat, dicks in each other's hands, desperately pulling at each other. You weren't sure you'd even seen them without their signature hats before, Shachi's orange-brown hair falling over his face in sweat slickened strands, Penguin's short black hair dusted with dirt like he'd at some point been laying down.

“Yes, yes, yes, noooooooo,” Penguin cried out, so close to an edge but unable to topple over it. He shoved Shachi hard, instigating a round of aggressive fighting, uncaring of their nudity as they fought in the dirt. “You're not doing it right!”

“Neither are you!!” Shachi yelled back, kneeing him in the gut, “how hard could it possibly be to make another dude cum!”

“Ask your fucking self, useless prick!” Penguin decked him with a solid punch right to the jaw and Shachi quickly returned it with his own, the two best friends shocking you with the force they laid into each other and spat insults, covered in bruises, their erect cocks bouncing with every movement.

“CUT IT OUT! BOTH OF YOU!” you snapped at them, emerging from the treeline and grabbing them both by an ear, pulling them away from each other as they winced at your hard hold. “What the fuck is wrong with you two?”

You could barely understand a word they were saying as they both yelled over each other, not even bothering to cover themselves. You caught something about hiking, something about a dare maybe? And ah… a flower. Of fucking course.

“Stop, stop,” you sighed, releasing them to run hands down your tired face, “did you two idiots touch a flower? Yellow? Pink tips? Six pedals?”

“We uh..” Penguin started.

“...we ate it,” Shachi finished. You let out a pained groan, throwing your head back. God, these fucking two, you wanted to scream.

“HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TWO IDIOTS NOT TO TOUCH THINGS?!” you shouted, the two of them now cowering at your feet. You couldn't help but notice the way the subtly touched your legs, it was the effects of the flower no doubt. “Why the fuck did you eat it?”

“It smelt nice!” Shachi wined, “and it tasted sweet so Penguin ate one too”

“But then we… got… hard,” Penguin sighed.

“How long have you dumbasses been out here jerking each other off?” You sighed.

“... three hours,” Shachi whined, practically nuzzling against your leg. You couldn't help the electricity it sent to your core, you'd never seen just how muscular the two of them were under the boilersuits, not to mention their sizable cocks. Nothing quite like two muscled men on their knees to get a girl going.

“What do we doooooo [y/n]?” Penguin cried, nestling against your other leg, the two of them each claiming a leg and running their hands up them as they knelt in front of you.

“The flower you two idiots ate is a powerful aphrodisiac,” you explained, allowing them some small relief by scratching their scalps, making them let out little whines. God, they were like animals in heat. “The flower relies on the wildlife around it to eat the flowers so their nose spreads pollen from one plant to the next. It encourages the production of said wildlife by setting them into a breeding frenzy. More animals means more opportunity to spread pollen. You two knuckleheads are no smarter than a wild boar, its working exactly as intended”

“So what do we do?” Shachi whined, “we… we tried doing it ourselves, we tried helping each other, but we can't… we can't finish”

“That's because the flower wants you to breed,” you sighed, “for a mammal with a phallus, you need to finish inside another. If you were females, you'd need someone to finish inside you. Men have died from this you know? You'll keep going till you either do what the flower wants, or until you drop dead”

“So we just… have to fuck?” Penguin asked coyly.

“Yup, good luck fellas,” you shook them off your legs and turned to leave, “don't forget to warm each other up first!”

“Wait… no!” Shachi looked at Penguin and almost cried, “we're not into men! I'm not doing that!”

“Speak for yourself…” Penguin muttered.

“Shut up Peng!” Shachi shouted, shoving him and setting off another fist fight, “you're not fucking my ass! Or my mouth for that matter!”

You made an annoyed groan as you pulled them off each other again, the two of them quickly reclaiming your legs, more aggressive with their touches now, hands travelling past the hem of your skirt.

“Let us fuck you! Please!” Penguin begged.

“We'll make you feel so good, I promise!” Shachi added. You rolled your eyes at them but couldn't deny the arousal pooling between your legs as the two men begged for you and ran hands up your thighs. It was a tempting predicament. You weren't sure anyone had ever helped two pollen victims before either, it could be interesting research to observe how they interacted with each other. Would they work together? Would they fight for dominance? It was a fascinating proposition.

“Fine,” you relented, parting your legs slightly, “but you two pathetic boys better make me cum till I see stars or I'm telling the captain”

They didn't even bother to give you a verbal reply before they were all over you, running their tongues up your legs and tugging at your clothes. Shachi stood and pulled off your shirt as Penguin unzipped your skirt, letting it fall to the ground. They were like rabid dogs as they saw your underwear, and they made quick work of it, Shachi removing your bra, sucking on your breasts and groping them roughly as he stood beside you, while Penguin tugged down your panties and pulled you to rest your core on his face. You had to rely on Shachi to keep you upright as Penguin pulled your leg over his shoulder, and you cried out as he immediately drove his tongue between your folds, lapping at you like a parched dog, messily licking up any slick he could find and bullying his tongue inside you to find more.

“Fuck, Peng,” you moaned, hips rolling as you rode his tongue, “just like that, fuck. Who knew such a dumb, useless dog would have some use? Good dog, lap me up good,” Penguin moaned into you at your words, doubling his efforts, and you swore you heard him bark against your pussy.

“Am I a good dog too?” Shachi whined, letting your breast go with a pop to look at you with needy eyes.

“I don't see you eating your food like a good boy,” you huffed, “get on your knees and I'll see if you're worth my time”

Shachi dropped to his knees behind you, making a definite bark before pulling your cheeks apart and running his tongue against your asshole. If he had a tail, you had no doubt it’d be waggling. You shivered at the wet muscles lapping at you, feeling the way the two men's tongues occasionally met between your legs as they ate you out from both sides, Shachi's tongue bullying its way inside your tight hole. You reached one hand back to hold his head for support, a hand buried in each man's hair as they made growls and sloppy sounds against you, their cocks twitching untouched as they serviced you.

“Good dogs,” you purred, “fuck, gonna cum right on your faces, hnng~”

Penguin made a excited sounding yelp as you gushed on his face, and you cried out as Shachi took the opportunity to slip a finger in your ass, spitting on it and adding a second, your whole body tingling as he finger fucked you through your already intense orgasm. The two of them didn’t let up, Shachi’s tongue running over your ass and thighs before adding a third finger, stretching you open so you could take him.

“Good dogs,” you panted, barely able to keep yourself upright with the way your legs were quickly turning to jelly, “the two of you have worked hard, now show me how feral you are and come fuck me”

They moved faster than you could comprehend, working in tandem to get you in position so they could both fuck you. You expected them to lay you down, but instead Shachi lifted you so Penguin could slide inside your pussy, making you gasp at how fast he went to the hilt, before Penguin grabbed you himself and you wrapped your limbs around him. Shachi held your hips steady as he lined himself up with your ass, then he spat on his cock pumped it a few times to spread it. You held your breath, wincing a little from the stretch as he slid inside you slowly. They both held you still for a moment to adjust, the three of you panting heavily, both boys working hard to hold back and not just immediately slam into you. You gave them a small nod to let them know you were ready, mentally bracing yourself for what you knew would be a rough fuck given the effects of the flower. Shachi held your hips bruisingly tight, Penguin supporting your thighs, and the two of them began working in sync to lift and drop you, using you like a toy to get themselves off as they made deep thrusts in time. Between the strength of the two of them you were practically weightless, thrown around like a ragdoll as they grunted like rabid animals and fucked you mercilessly hard. Every hard thrust knocked the wind out of you till all you could do was whine as they used your body, quickly bringing you to orgasm again. Liquid dripped down their thighs from your release, wetting the dirt below you, the sound of them fucking your holes making sloppy sounds that echoed in the trees mingled with your collective moans.

“So good, good dogs,” you moaned, your tits squeezed against Penguin’s hard pecs, sweat making the three of you sticky as it collected between your bodies, your back pressed against Shachi’s front.

“Cum for us again, please,” Penguin whined.

“Need it. Need to feel you cum again,” Shachi added, his teeth grazing your shoulder.Penguin leaned back a little so he could rub your clit hard with his thumb, and you felt yourself spiralling.

“Fuck, fuck,” you cried, “cumming”

The two of them made deep groans that vibrated through you as they felt you squeeze around them, unable to let out your own moan from how hard you were cumming, the air entirely knocked out of you. All you could do was shake and see white dots in your vision as the two of them unloaded inside you, finally finding relief from the flower as they gave it what it wanted. The amount of cum they put in you was immense, another side effect of the flower, your two holes immediately dripping with white as they pulled out and held you steady while you found your footing and you practically collapsed against Penguin’s chest. Shachi grabbed the tank top he usually wore under his boiler suit and shook the dirt off, then he used it to do what he could to clean the impressive amount of collective fluids from you, your legs shaking and threatening to give out as he dragged it carefully through your oversensitive core. Penguin continued to wordlessly keep you upright while Shachi dressed himself, then they switched. Once the two of them were dressed they helped you, laying soft kisses and gentle, thankful caresses over your body as they pulled your clothes back on, before Shachi lifted you into a bridal hold.

“So what did we learn?” you yawned as they started to carry you back to the ship.

“Eat strange flowers,” Shachi gave you a shit eating grin. You smacked him hard on the chest and he pouted.

“I’m telling Law,” you threatened.

“Please don’t!” Penguin begged, “I promise not to dare Shachi to eat weird plants, and I pinky promise to not eat any myself!”

“Shachi?” you raised a brow. He rolled his eyes and readjusted his hold on you, making you squeak as you were jostled.

“Fineeeee,” he groaned, “I promise not to eat any more random flowers, even if they get me laid”

“I could have just let you die you know,” you huffed.

“I won’t do it again!” Shachi yelped as you pulled hard on his ear.

“Good dog,” you smiled.

“Woof!” they both replied.

[hummingjay]

Random Replika headcanons because replikas are cute

Aras spend a lot of time crawling in vents, so their upper body strength is next level. They're also really good climbers. Also, when they do climb, they use overly smooth movements, like walking without bobbing up and down, mostly so they don't jarringly drop a tool on a belt, but this freaks others out. Some Aras find the smell of exhaust comforting, but not in the vents. It's like hearing bugs and animals in the forest: Comforting and safe-feeling in the forest, but a deer cry in the city is disconcerting. They also have excellent night vision, even though they carry flashlights. Kolibris are almost entirely immune to caffeine. Lots of sweet tea, so they're hyper which helps a heck-ton with keeping up with Storches and other taller fellas. Aras either love or hate hanging with them depending on the Ara or Kolibri, since on one hand Kolibris can get past their stoic demeanor and on the other Aras can't really keep to themselves. Uncannily good at close quarters combat, despite small stature. Goes for the crotch hard and often. They mainly use bioresonance for non-combat means, as overuse causes headaches and nosebleeds. If a kolibiri does try to kill with bioresonance, it is extremely painful for both parties, ending with ears, eyes, and nose bleeding, and sometimes so painful victims attempt ending themselves partly through. This usually only happens on accident, when a Kolibri is extremely unstable, Storches favorite drink is unironically water. I love water too so no hate. They like watching Aras climb since it reminds them of a spider, which they find cute, especially when Aras carry wire with them. In every cadre at least one (1) Starling has snorted gunpowder at one point. Both Starlings and Storches have built in ear protection for gunshots.

Elsters are also stoic and when given the chance hang out with Aras, sometimes only talking about mechanics. Because Eules are friendly, patient, and can read Aras faces, they eventually get close and an Ara may give access to vents or plants. This is the equivalent of a platonic (or not) wedding ring.

If an Ara decides you're unkind and shares this info with the cadre, it's not just a silent treatment. If you're mean enough, floors will come loose, doors will randomly malfunction, your service requests will remain unanswered just until Adler is about to file a performance complaint, and lights will randomly turn off. If anyone tries to bully a Mynah in any way will face consequences, severe ones. The culprit behind this could be literally anyone except Mynah, and consequences vary depending on the culprit, from ostracizing to being 'accidentally' locked in a room, to being straight up beaten up, and sometimes if the bullying is bad enough high ranking units will opt for decomissioning for 'disrupting workflow' and 'assault on a worker'. Once Storches get past their sadistic tendencies they're actually really fun to hang around and converse with, especially on literature on mythology and warfare. Odd fascination on Sisyphus but it's debated between Storches on wether he's happy or not. Adlers write and they write well. Handwriting on point, but they rarely write in cursive. Because they're sticklers for the rules not all Replikas like them too much, but as long as you comply with regulations they're relaxed guys who enjoy talking about writing and pens. Never insult a favorite pen. They will despise you. Debating pens in a general sense is admissible and often enjoyable. Insulting their Falke can and will have them legitimately attempt to murder you with whatever is on hand, always stating that a 'crime against the nation was committed'. Adlers can forgive protocol mistakes but never forgive such a sin. So long as performance is not hindered protocol breakages are permitted. Adlers are chill with replikas and even Gestalts having relationships with each other, and sometimes covers for them. If performance drops this can change. Each one writes fictional stories about an OC that they will never talk about but Kolibris and Falkes know about anyway. Often immune to propoganda but genuinely don't care, they legitimately love the nation enough that they're okay with whatever the nation is doing. Eules will go out of their way to be nice. If you out-nice them they can and will think of it as a challenge. They sometimes place freshmade food near the kitchen vents to let the Aras know it's time to eat. Eules will use ribbon to tie bows on each others hair and arms. Falkes quickly grow extremely protective of their workers, sometimes extending this fondness to gestalts, though they always let them work most grievances out on their own. If Aras grow similarly fond of their Falke they'll report back to her like Odin's ravens.

[moodyvoid]

what are your headcanons for the lov when someone catcalls their s/o?

and what about if their s/o fights the person who catcalled them?

The League of Villains reacting to someone catcalling their s/o.

Mr. Compress: Obviously this man isn’t going to stand for something so disrespectful, especially towards his s/o. He’d march right up to them and demand they apologize to his s/o. Regardless if one is given or not, he marbles them and pitches them into the nearest trash bin.

Dabi: The moment an inappropriate comment left the catcaller’s mouth, Dabi’s walking right over to them, all nonchalant. He’d be like “Yeah, they are pretty hot aren’t they? Wanna know what else is hot?” and suddenly the catcaller is up in flames.

Spinner: Spinner’s going to cuss them out and if they don’t apologize or walk away, he’s going to fight them. I can see him straight up punching someone out (because have you seen his biceps?) or pulling a sword out of nowhere and challenging them to a duel. His s/o will have to remind him that people don’t normally walk around with swords. Otherwise, he’d absolutely run them over with a car.

Twice: He would make several doubles and be like “You wanna run that by us again?” and the catcaller would flee the scene. His doubles are going to chase the catcaller while he checks on his s/o and makes sure they’re okay. If you listen carefully, you can hear the catcaller getting their ass beat.

Shigaraki: He’s going after them like a rabid animal. It’s 0-100. He’s walking along the sidewalk with his s/o and a catcaller says something crude and Shigaraki is already across the street by the time the catcaller finishes their sentence. They’re dead. He’ll walk back over to his s/o like, “So, anyway—“

Toga: She’s gonna stab the catcaller and then take her s/o to get ice cream.

As for if the s/o fights back: All of the league members would be beaming with pride as their s/o beats the living shit out of the catcaller.

Basically in every circumstance, the catcaller will die or be close to death 🙏

[lebbys-world]

I was wondering if request based of the manga base on chapters 365 -406 like you know how bakugou is currently severely injured in manga /anime instead of bakugou almost dying it’s the reader who takes all the hits blow for him when fighting shigaraki crushing reader arm and taking major brutal blow to chest to protect bakugou and since reader she cares about him aslo maybe reader quirk could be like somewhat similar to scarlet witch mcu or raven from teen titans but whichever you prefer maybe when fighting Shigaraki since reader was using her quirk to full strength potential maybe her powers it started corrupted her due over usage making Shigaraki have the upper hand i hope this makes sense can the ending have fluff and angst type fic if this ok i hope this requests is ok makes sense if uncomfortable with i can definitely change it

To Be a Hero

Bakugo x gn!reader; mentions of injury, battle, self-sacrifice, self-deprecation/insecurities, end of the war arc, angst to comfort

notes: thank you sm for the request, and thanks sm for your patience !! everything has been crazy rn for me because of college. i love bakugos character sm, especially just his development, so i hope this does him a bit of justice.

You’d never felt the world sting so harshly before.

The very air around you tore at your skin, debris scattered around, making quick lacerations. 

You’d come into this battle no more than an ambitious child, striving to save those you could.

But now?

You’d seen more blood than you’d ever thought you would.

The smell of death was burned into your very existence. 

It made you nauseous.

You just wanted this all to be over.

Yet, here you stood, center of the battlefield, watching as Shigaraki tore to pieces the life you once loved.

For the first time in years, you didn’t feel like a hero.

Your body stood frozen, watching as those around you fought with everything they had.

Why can’t I help them? You beg of yourself.

Those you love are risking their lives- losing their lives.

But your body has had enough.

Too much has poured out from every aching wound on your body.

Your head pounds, both reminding you of the physical pain and your mental inability to process the situation at hand.

Maybe you weren’t meant to be a hero, after all.

Above, an array of light drew your eyes.

You see Bakugo, battered, bloodied- the damn bastard barely even able to stand.

He’s flying through the air, putting himself straight in the middle of the action.

He was always that way.

You admired that about him- his sense of selflessness when it really mattered.

He wanted to be the best, and he sure had a chance at it.

Yet, you realize what’s happening before you even can properly see it.

He’s diving in, head-first, straight towards the same Shigaraki that killed so many of the Pro-Heros. 

He may want to be the best, but he isn't the best yet.

That same selflessness you loved was the selflessness that was going to get him killed.

He wasn’t going to land the shot. 

You lurched off the ground, your feet moving without you even telling them to.

You positioned yourself perfectly, feeling the impact hit you like a warm embrace.

You smile to yourself:

Now, they’ve got another chance.

The world spun for a moment, as your hearing dulled. 

That crash onto the ground must’ve really taken a toll on you.

Either that, or, maybe the gaping hole in your chest.

You gaze into the blurry sky, letting the gray clouds turn black in your vision.

From a distance, you think you can hear a familiar voice screaming your name.

The world goes away before you put a name to that familiarity.

. . .

You awake to the sound of patterned beeps, the scent of sterilizing products hitting your nose quickly after.

As you open your eyes, the bright, fluorescent light forces you to close them again, hesitantly getting yourself out of your slumber. 

The rustling of your sheets alerted the blonde sitting in the chair beside you, urging him to get up at once.

He looked at you gently, as though you were more fragile than glass.

The guilt he felt practically ran through him.

Why did you step in like that, Y/N.

They barely kept you alive on the battlefield.

And every surgery you’d had kept him on edge.

He’d lost so much, already.

He couldn’t lose you, too.

You opened your eyes enough to glance at the face in front of you, mumbling the familiar name:

“...Katsuki?”

“Oi, looks like someone’s finally awake.” 

His usual demeanor seemed softer, almost as if he didn’t want to overwhelm you.

“..where are we?”

“-hospital. You’ve been in here since you pulled that stupid stunt of yours.”

You looked at him silently, processing the fact that you even made it out of that alive.

Last you recall, the world had fallen dark.

You’d really accepted dying in that moment.

Yet, God had other plans it seems, since here you were, alive and, mostly, well.

You couldn’t quite believe it, but seeing the boy in front of you, you were grateful.

“Snap out of it” Bakugo hissed at you, rolling his eyes. 

He thought to himself for a moment, before putting his head in his hands.

“Damn it, Y/N, don’t do that ever again.”

“...do what?” You respond, still in a daze.

"..."

“Trying to get yourself killed like that.” 

You looked at him, as you took in his words,

“Don't step in the way for me, you idiot. It might get ya hurt, or worse, don’tcha see?”

“I didn’t try to.” You explained, slightly shifting in your hospital bed to fully face him.

His demeanor had changed from his usual self, and was instead filled with disdain. 

He’d be tearing himself apart over this - that much, you figured.

“My feet ‘moved on their own’” you smiled, repeating the words so often uttered around class.

He scoffed, shaking his head, before putting your hand in his. 

He smiled at you wholly, 

“I guess that makes you a real hero then, huh?”

"..."

“I guess so.”

all fictional works are for entertainment purposes only. all rights to characters, media, references, and other third party materials belong to their respective owners. do not repurpose, modify, copy, or repost my work to other sites without permission. ©lebbys-world 2024.

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[muttcvnt]

responsible owners that want the best for their pets always make sure their dog gets her checkups on time. to preserve our ability to do so, consider letting the vets of tomorrow sit in on her exams. hell, you know her better than anybody; why don’t you teach them yourself?

invite them over, remind them to bring their clipboards. make sure she’s stripped down and sitting pretty like a good dog when they arrive. muzzle her if you’re worried she may be nippy; it’s a small precaution that could prevent a nasty bite when she finds an unfamiliar pair of hands prodding at her. keep the room cool but not cold, just enough to keep her from growing sluggish and throwing off her results.

be mindful of her temperament. an overlooked part of health and wellness is how well socialized your pet is. make sure she looks your guests in the face and doesn’t shrink away when they get close. don’t allow her to hide any part of herself - if she closes or crosses her legs, guide them back into a spread position. if she tries to cover up her chest, take similar measures.

bring them forward one by one as the others take notes. guide their hands; run them down her spine to make sure it’s nice and straight, have them palpate her ribs, her thighs, her tits. make sure her sweet, dumb animal eyes are bright and clear. hand one student a stethoscope to listen to her heart. have them take note of how her pulse starts to race when you take her balls in your hand, how it goes even faster when the anticipated squeeze is actually delivered. test her reflexes; you never have guests over without her shock collar at the ready to assure her best behavior. deliver a jolt and watch her muscles tense with no delay at all, perfectly healthy. retest this one several times to be absolutely certain.

she should be used to the presence of her visitors now, so the muzzle can come off. open up her jaws and call yet another student over to examine her teeth. run gloved fingers over them, assuring they are smooth exactly where they are meant to be smooth, sharp exactly where they are meant to be sharp. take note of the color. another reflex test can’t hurt at this stage. press your fingers back into her throat, measuring how deep you can push before she seizes up and gags. ask your audience to take notes on the quality of the spit she produces. get a hand between her legs and check up on her erectile function - can she get fully hard? if so, how long does it take? does she get wet, and if so, how wet? an alert and responsive puppy is a healthy puppy, does she whine and buck her hips when you play with her? does she shiver when you drag your fingers up and down her back? is her skin well hydrated and stretchy? how many fingers can she take before you have to put in serious work to fit another?

run through her full wellness exam, and then invite the students to ask questions. let them get invasive, she’s your dog after all (NOTE: this portion is best performed simultaneously with the previous few tests; your dog will be more likely to answer readily and honestly with fingers in her hole or a hand on her cock) let them ask about her height and weight, how she likes to touch herself, where she got all those highly suspect bruises from. to wrap up her appointment, prepare her shot and talk the group through its proper administration.

thank your guests for showing up ready and eager to learn, send them home, and then fuck your puppy stupid for behaving for her exam. if you were especially impressed with her behavior, I recommend allowing her a night outside her kennel, curled up at the foot of your bed.

[rei-ismyname]

Logan shouldn't be allowed near children

I know that's a loaded title but I stand by it. There's obviously an element of Flanderisation going on but considering his stated reason for opening the Jean Grey school he is far too eager to murder children.

Why TF is he leaping at children, snarling with his claws out? Check out the frothing drool.

For example, in All-New X-Men, the O5 have just been bought to the future by Hank McCoy. He stops teaching his violence through yelling class and heads out the front, leaping at the 16 year olds with his claws out. Not Hank, who brought them there but clearly traumatised children - while screaming like a lunatic of course. Even if he's not trying to kill them, what purpose does terrifying them serve? He clearly IS trying to kill them, though. I'm sure his students would love to see their headmaster butcher confused children in front of them.

Unsurprisingly, he scares the fuck out of them. In part influenced by constant threats of his violence, the O5 steal the X-Jet and flee, explicitly doubting this guy is an X-Man. His thoughts about the 16 year old Jean Grey... No dude, this isn't the Jean you know. She's a child you've tried to kill. Fucking creep.

This one is great. Young Scott has enough going on without this frothing beast advocating for his immediate execution as punishment for his future self's actions. Out front of the school with literally everyone watching. He's using his authority to advocate for slaughtering a child. Thankfully nobody agrees with him, but this is traumatic, terrifying, and affects Scott especially so badly he runs away.

No wonder he freaks out and leaves. Obviously the headmaster of a school should drop what he's doing, not for his wellbeing but to get his bike back. How is he in charge of anyone's wellbeing or moral instruction? He demands absolute obedience while doing nothing to deserve it. It's all about how Logan feels.

Here he is trying to gut a 15 year old Wiccan for having Scarlet Witch vibes, not for the or last time. I'm a little surprised he remained an Avenger after this. When you have knives for hands everyone looks like a pincushion. Except that's not it, because everyone else is a living weapon too and they mostly manage to be somewhat rational.

Why are his claws out here? Is he trying to kill him? What did he expect after threatening and traumatizing him? Snarling and shouting like an animal - isn't he trying to emulate Chuck here?

I can't remember why he's doing this but it's not the first time he's tried to kill Hope. Didn't work then either.

A 16 year old Jean uses a telepathic projection of the Phoenix to aid Wolverine in a fight. He stupidly thinks it's real and straight up tries to kill her. The bad guys get away. Not sure how many times he has to attempt to kill the Phoenix before he understands it's not an appropriate thing to do, nor is it about him. He's more like Sabertooth than he thinks, except he thinks he's in the right and somehow never gets called out. Logan has advanced senses - how is his instinct to straight up kill her instead of investigating further?

We can do better

I think that once Logan reached a certain point of saturation he became static. The lone wolf that's the best there is at what he does, and what he does is behave so unpleasantly it's hard to believe anyone would want to be near him, let alone allow him to run a school. He says 'bub' a lot and he snikts at the drop of a hat while repeating the same interpersonal drama over and over. I see him as a frequent self insert for the worst kind of toxic masculinity yet he's more popular than ever. No judgement if you like him at all, but I think the character deserves better. Somehow he's still a misunderstood loner despite a lot of people knowing him very well - with the amount of teams and books he's in he has the most active social life in 616. It'll never happen but I'd like to see him retire, as there are several Wolverines better than he..

[possiblylando]

Trying to dissect all the stuff from the Akira Cross audiolog.

Okay so I'm gonna go over all the stuff I feel is notable even if it's fairly obvious. Also I'm bound to miss stuff so if you saw anything I didn't (or have a different interpretation) feel free to chime in with that. ALSO SPOILERS EVIDENTLY THEY WILL BE HERE WATCH THE AUDIOLOG FIRST IF YOU WANT TO AVOID THOSE YEAH OKAY COOL Alot of Akira Cross is a mix of stuff drawn directly from Boy's experience and whatever media he's consumed so picking apart the two will be important in figuring everything out. Akira is an evident stand in for Boy but I'll go over the more interesting stuff with him later because there might genuinely be some foreshadowing in here with all the insane shit that goes on later in the story.

Cross Family is clearly a reference to the D Clan I doubt there's too much foreshadowing on this one so Boy is probably just filling in any gaps with his own stuff here.

Slab is Door. Just like Door, very straight forward. His military rank might be off a bit but this one doesn't require a lot of analysis.

NOW HERES WHERE WE GET TO THE REAL SHIT On my first watch I didn't really think much of all the Yokai/Japan stuff since it seemed like normal weeb kid stuff especially since Markus has evidently been showing Boy alot of anime. However we know the D Family has been to Japan since Markus brings up being there in the Bar Audiolog. I had always assumed Boy's hair was from D's side of the family but thinking about it more, It's entirely possible that Boy's mom is actually Japanese and met Door during that trip to Japan. It's also possible she was a Hunter which is why Boy has ties to the OG hunters (which I'll talk about way later during that segment with Hina's awakening chariot in the- getting off topic). D makes a point of talking about how Yokai are real and they shouldn't bring civilians into their world (unless they see potential in them). Seemingly Boy has been raised entirely in the Hunter Sphere so his mother being a hunter actually does align since Door is such a stickler for the 'rules'. But the Priestess thing is probably just a Boy-ism.

Ryu is probably another Boy-Ism since I doubt he has a secret twin brother. This could potentially be a reference to another member of the D family however. But I don't feel there's enough evidence to suggest that beyond Warhammer parallel which I don't really want to use as primary evidence. We know that at least one of the D Clan has been killed by Vampires and probably several more so Ryu could also be an unintended Boy reference to a member who became a vampire. It's probably not to foreshadow a Markus turn to the dark side since there's another character that is very directly Markus. So I'm just going to mark down Ryu as; Boy-ism that might parallel another D Clan member but probably not.

Another direct reference with his time training with slab is obviously inspired by the time he spends at the gun range with Door. But the experimental weapons line is probably just a Boy-Ism since it's just the Halo gun.

I genuinely have no fucking clue what Gilgamesh represents here and I can't help but bust my ass laughing every time I rewatch his reveal. This feels more directly related to D which I'll go over.

So this whole section is- fucky to the say the least. D is ALWAYS confident in everything he says so I don't know if he's saying this because "I WAS THERE AND I MET GILGAMESH" or "THE SCHOLARS ARE WRONG GILGAMESH WAS CLEARLY-" and it could go either way with him. But since he talks about Gilgamesh like "I knew he was a vile fiend but this is a new low" makes it seem like he probably doesn't know Gilgamesh directly.

Door death flags continue to slowly mount. I don't think he'll die anytime soon but theres likely gonna be some major conflict between him and the other members of the D Clan. Akira's family's deaths and D's reaction to them is again, notable. When I was first watching my first thought was "Oh he's having this reaction because it happened to him". But then the reveal that D is just genuinely invested in the story to the point of tears is very funny.

So Akira's heritage is again something to bring up. Half-American, Half-Japanese, Half-Nephilim, Half-Yokai. I feel we can knock off the Yokai as a Boy-Ism. I doubt he's Half-Nephilim directly but it's such an interesting thing to call out since they're a weird reference to make here. The WoD Lore I could find on them is pretty scarce but they're essentially the children of humans and fallen angels, fairly similar to early Abrahamic texts referencing their existence. In classic WoD Hunter lore they were humans who were chosen by angels which turned them into the imbued. I feel like this is notable since Boy seems to be becoming an imbued. (Again, Later) Okay so here's a bit of a hard thing to decipher. Ironically Akira's School could be drawn from experience or purely a Boy-Ism because it's never really all that clear if Boy actually goes to school. This episode in particular talks about D taking on alot of Boy's schooling but I vaguely remember comments from another Audiolog about some british kids calling Boy "Meat" and Door not really understanding the insult. It does show however that Boy has been effected by the hunter life since he's made a world where anyone could be a hidden enemy. It shows that D's (rightful) paranoia has rubbed off on him.

I think Hina is just a pure Boy-Ism. Her being a secret angel might play into his imbued potential and later stuff. But yeah I don't think Hina represents anything here. and Combat Boots.

Alright so Mars is clearly Markus also why does he look like Gogeta as a final fantasy villain. I feel like this is one of those moments that was missing from the story cause it genuinely gives Markus a moment where he feels appreciated. When the time comes that Markus is given the opportunity to do some fuckshit I have the feeling this will be the moment that stops him.

My gut feeling tells me that this lineup for the Gilgamesh goons is foreshadowing the major antagonists of each arc (maybe). Jack the ripper visually resembles Pyotr with the teeth, ears, and long black hair. The fact he gets fought multiple times also relates back since they fought Pyotr in the cave then in their house. Florence could be implying that one of the maids is the ghoul in the current arcanum arc. No clue about Polluck and Andre the giant. And this kinda entirely depends on who the ghoul is since if it's anyone else this whole vague theory instantly falls apart.

I don't think the Chiroterrans themselves represent anything. Maybe the ancient vampires but I kinda doubt that, they seem like a Boy-Ism to explain why vampires exist since he probably wouldn't know about Caine. However the fact they team up with Akira at the end to fight the war against HORSE does show the shift in Boy's mental state. We know he already has a more 3 dimensional view of vampires based on the times he gets weirdly deep 'Do you think this is what happens when one throws away their humanity and embraces their inner monster' as it directly shows he now sees HORSE as the main threat and the vampires just as another group.

The Merkabah is another thing that points towards Boy becoming an imbued since he would have no reference for a dream like this. I've already gone over the surface level of the imbued so no point repeating it.

Also Markus might also become Imbued (or a mage since thats a thing that I've heard vaguely of un-awakened mages getting but I don't have a source to back that up beyond "just trust me bro" so I could be totally wrong here) unless he's just being sarcastic here which is totally in character

I feel like this could be another accidental foreshadowing thing since there are some theories and suspicions about there being a werewolf in the chapterhouse right now. So we'll see what happens with this or if it's just another random Boy-Ism

Again, stuff like this is why I think this whole story is more important than just a random boy writing session. They literally do this at the start of every arc. Also IT SHOULD BE NEXT SAGA BOY BECAUSE HE FIGHTS THE FIVE GOONS THAT WOULD BE IT'S OWN ARC ITS CLEARLY MULTIPLE ARCS SO IT SHOULD BE THE GILGAMESH SAGA FIRST OKAY that was I was thinking about that okay I just had to say it

Theres probably a reference in the spartan spacemarines being called the crimson dragon blades but I know nothing about halo and my knowledge of 40k is also not great. and I don't know where to put this and it isnt important but Ryu's final form looks like Asmodeus from iruma kun and I can't unsee it

The final thing to consider is Horse himself. I've spent the last few days thinking about one main thing; Is horse actually evil or is he just really bad with kids?

And I don't know. I feel like they're using this to set up a swerve where since Horse is Horus we're expecting him to turn evil, but it's revealed he's just bad with kids. But he could just as easily be some sort of demon or other awful thing possessing horse.

[ch6sos]

random choso headcanons

i <3 choso i <3 making odd ball headcanons so here u guys go

content warning mentions of "metabolism", social anxiety/anxiety (not bad though) + motion sickness, and this is not proofread and lowercase so if any of those Like makes you tingle please don't read this my sweet

he’s emo as hell, he listens to emo music. now he's the one i actually imagine listening to my chemical romance, pierce the veil, etc. (bc with nanami I feel like he'd listen to more 80s-90s rock music but this isn't about my first husband)

he suffers from insomnia and finds it difficult to sleep unless he has someone he cares about in the room or at least snuggling with him.

peacemaker: he is a peacemaker when it comes to his brothers.

"hey yuji, you should really share with him. "

"no!"

"yuji...." 

"fine."

he has an earthy aroma—he often uses colognes with earthy notes that are not overpowering (i  think he might be sensitive to strong scents).

i imagine him experiencing motion sickness. for some reason, i imagine him feeling dizzy in a car, or being unable to handle a rollercoaster without feeling extremely unwell.

would probably work at your local hot topic especially if this was set during the 2000s era where hot topic was actually catered to the alternative scene. or a tattoo shop!

several piercings. on his left ear, he has an industrial, a triple lobe piercing, and a conch— his right having a double helix piercing, a tragus, and a single lobe piercing.... and then he has an eyebrow piercing and a labret piercing :)

enjoys watching christmas movies because a lot of them are about family!

deeply family-oriented, he genuinely just wants to grow up with a family. a big one, too.

thus he may have a fear of being alone, which makes me believe that he is introverted but also genuinely afraid of ending up alone as he grows older. he values the presence of family and wants to ensure that they always surround him.

he comes across as a bit shy initially, not necessarily awkward, but it takes some time to get to know him.

still not too talkative but genuinely chill to talk to.

has a lot of accessories when he wears outfits, especially bracelets or necklaces. 

black is what you find in his closet. just black (and a couple of purples and reds but mainly black)

he be thrifting them outfit pieces too idc idc he not a shein warrior

is a bit insecure about his dark circles and markings on his face (i could imagine he still has the markings but they look more like a scar rather than what it looks like in the actual manga/anime) so he begins to cover them up with concealer sometimes.

eats a LOT of junk food and somehow doesn't gain weight. bro probably can eat a whole box of pizza with wings and doesn't even gain a pound.

he is genuinely clueless/oblivious when it comes to relationships like he doesn't know when someone's flirting with him unless they tell them straight up. and when they tell him he's like:

"...oh! me...?" because he genuinely thinks, “wow, someone likes me?!?!”

plus he would ask before initiating even after being in a relationship

“do… do you mind if i kiss you?”

“cho we’ve been dating for five months”

“oh… i’m sorry for asking… again.”

spends a lot of time on his hair !!! he has to wake up early sometimes just to do his hair. and he doesn't plan on cutting it, only trims it once in a while.

when he's home he either has it down or has it in a ponytail. he even has a silk pillowcase so it never gets frizzy.

cats or dogs— no. he likes turtles. he even has a pet turtle.

i think that he wouldn't vape or smoke the way people might expect him to. i believe he may have a weak immune system, which would make it difficult for him to engage in such activities.

socially anxious as hell bro tweaks out when he has to order at a restaurant... 

but overall he’s an anxious person, i feel like he’d suffer from anxiety a lot (as someone who has anxiety i just can tell he’d be the type to have it too)

when he dates someone he's really touchy with them because he craves physical touch. he especially enjoys when someone plays with his hair he falls asleep in a millisecond.

he loves sketching in a notebook, he loves drawing nature a lot! he likes going to the park or a forest and drawing what he sees. he also enjoys drawing people and i imagine he always draws pictures of yuji too, and he shows them to him.

tease him and his face is red, his eyes are widened, and his face is in absolute shock...

literally the sweetest guy ever; he's always looking out for everyone and makes sure everyone around him is okay

he's always cold thus needs someone to cuddle him.

is fascinated by some amphibians and watches national geographic sometimes when he knows they're going to talk about amphibians. especially frogs!

his most used app on his Black iPhone 13 Pro Max would be Spotify and he is top 0.1% listener for some underrated metal band

creative hobbies more than physical hobbies (sketching, journaling, sewing)

HE CROCHETS IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS HE LITERALLY MADE A CROCHET ROSE FOR YUKI I D O NOT GIVE A DAMN 

when he laughs it's like a silent soft chuckle, and he usually covers his mouth when he does it

gets emotional easily, especially when he receives love. for a long time, he couldn’t believe that he would ever be loved so when he is receiving affection he gets overwhelmed and tries not to cry because he thinks “how?? why me?”

he loves holding hands. he tries not to freak out but when someone holds his hands when he’s freaking out or just in general, he loves the feeling of their warm hands against his very cold ones

apologises alot even though everything is not his fault

when he’s mad he needs time to cool off especially because he gets emotional easily. he needs time to himself before calming down before discussing his emotions with someone.

speaking of emotions, i don’t think he’d be bad at expressing emotions or speaking about it, at first yes but he begins to grow better at it and plus sometimes the way he shows emotion is more impulsive and involuntary rather than on purpose

listens more than talks because he is too busy getting sidetracked by his own thoughts or he genuinely can't talk to people sometimes

he has a fidget toy because he is always fidgeting with his fingers so yuji got him a fidget toy (probably a fidget spinner) and was fascinated with it and it didn’t help it just something he distracts himself with when he doesn’t feel like being present in a conversation or just in general

cried when yuji graduated and gave him the hugest hug of his life. and i don’t mean a few tears he BAWLED he was bawling because he was so proud of his little brother.

spends time with yuji a lot sometimes more than his own friends and they always go to the arcade or mall together

yuji got him a picture frame of him and choso posing and choso cried for several days because he couldn’t believe he has such an amazing brother

learns gen z lingo just for yuji

“oh yuji! that was very w rizz of you!”

“...what?”

“i didn’t know you had that much aura!”

I  Love Him

Missing him come back emo king

[followthebluebell]

Do you have any undeniable proof about how in pain Scottish Fold cats are? Someone I know believes that "only bad breeders" produce cats that have pain and I just don't think that sounds right, but I don't know where to look for info.

'Undeniable proof' is a hard claim because anything can be denied if a person is shameless, stubborn, and ridiculous enough. I've had clients deny that their cats are in severe pain even when the animal is visibly limping in front of us.

With that out of the way, start by talking about osteochondrodysplasia. That's a fancy way of saying 'fucked up cartilage disease', which is the thing that gives Scottish folds the cute little folded ears. Unfortunately, it doesn't just affect the cartilage in their ears. There's no gene that says 'please just a LITTLE fucked up cartilage, thanks <3'.

It affects ALL of their cartilage, joints, and bone development. It usually presents in very early onset arthritis: hump-backed, stiff legs (especially hind legs), and kinda 'crankly' feeling bones. They often have very stiff and shortened tails as well. Since they're in pain, they don't jump, move, or play as often. They also may just be kinda cranky because, again. Pain.

This is an autosomal dominant condition, meaning a cat has to inherit just one defective gene to display the traits. It's more severe in cats that are homozygous (inherited BOTH defective genes), but even a heterozygous cat is pretty severely affected.

A 'good' Scottish fold breeder ought to be breeding just straight-eared cats (inheriting 0 genes for this condition), but in practice 'good' SF breeders just breed straight-eared cat to a folded cat in the hopes of producing heterozygous kittens.

I still remember Fédération Internationale Féline (FIFe) and the World Cat Federation (WCF) offering free xrays to around 300 scottish fold breeders, trying to find just ONE fold with healthy hind legs.

Not a single breeder took up the offer. As a result, both organizations refuse to recognize the breed entirely.

The fact that even 'ethical' breeders who supposedly only breed unaffected cats won't stand behind their work and PROVE it speaks volumes.

[amuseoffyre]

Fyre's convention adventures - Day 3 - Con O'Neill's Fanmeet

My final meet of the event was Con’s, immediately after the joyful chaos of his panel with Rhys.

Forewarning, this one contains some details of animal harm that happened to his pet before he got him.

He barely had sat down when someone asked if he’d been Whammed already and the look of feigned shock and “that’s none of your business!” set the tone of the thing :D He also told us in his best encouraging voice "You can be whammed as much as you like and don't let the right wing tell you otherwise!"

And also led into a discussion about whether it was Wham! or whether it was George Michael’s solo for Last Christmas and he had to sheepishly back down after a minute and admit, no, it was Wham, definitely Wham.

And of course, I had to bring up accent stuff and asked how it felt to actually be able to use his own accent, given how rarely northern English accents show up in media made elsewhere. He said it was a delight to be able to bring a bit of Wigan to the production.

He also talked about his drama teacher when he was a kid (who he did not name because she doesn’t deserve that respect) who – when he was sixteen – told him he would never be a successful actor because he had a weird voice. There was apparently a recent review for The Penguin series that someone said he had the coolest voice and he thought that was a lovely fuck you to that malignant boot.

He made a beautiful point that if you’re a teacher, especially a teacher in a creative field, you have a duty to be encouraging. Not talking BS about how everyone will be famous, he said, but realistic, supporting and encouraging the kids, because “we know it’s hard. We don’t need to be told it’s hard. We know, but when it’s good, it’s fucking amazing”. He also mentioned that it’s come so far from the days of RP everywhere.

I said it was definitely how I felt about seeing Buttons as well – having a working class Edinburgh accent, something that so many people have never heard. He was so happy to talk about how fantastic Ewen Bremner is as an actor (“even if I can’t understand anything he’s saying”) and that he saw him in the original run of the Trainspotting stage production in the 90s when Ewen played Renton, several years before the film happened.

It was surreal, he said, to have seen this incredible actor on stage and thirty years later, to be sharing the screen with him as Buttons (“and still not understanding a word he was saying!”) and that Ewen is genuinely one of the best actors he knows and that he’s also the best kind of people.

Someone asked about how they did the seagull stuff with Buttons and he told us about Jonathan, the gull on a string, but in the shots when they didn’t have the camera on Buttons, Ewen wore a stuffed seagull on his head to maintain the right eyelines. He had to admit it was quite challenging to keep his face straight when filming because when Ewen spoke, the plushie gull was jiggling on his head XD

And then, of course, he broke our hearts by telling us about how he and his husband adopted Cooper, their wee doggo.

Their previous dog had passed and they’d been adamant they weren’t going to adopt again because it fully broke their hearts when he died, but someone sent Con a picture of a dog in a shelter in Hungary, saying “does this remind you of anyone?” and it was the spitting image of their previous dog. They got a bit emotional about it and after a few days of trying to hold off, they called the shelter.

Cooper had already been adopted – in London – but it wasn’t working out, so they got in touch with the current owners and planned to go down and meet them. The first time Cooper saw them, he started barking excitedly and things only escalated :D

They took Cooper off for a walk to see how they got on, then got so distracted comparing selfies, that Cooper trotted off and they were so panicked about losing him that they rushed back to tell the current owners, only Cooper was there, patiently waiting on the step and ecstatically started barking when he saw them coming again.

So they go in and Con said he took one of the ladies aside to find out why the adoption hadn’t worked, because they needed to know why in case it was major behavioural things that needed work. She said that the dog was incapable of love or connecting with people. And Con, looking beyond her shoulder, could see his husband on the floor, dog on his chest, wagging his tail so enthusiastically his whole body was wagging, licking Con’s husband all over his face. Con be like MMHM. Sounds like a skills issue ;)

So they took him home but got a bit concerned when he had a tendency to bite and latch on if people touched his ears or ribs. Turned out Cooper had been horribly abused in Hungary: tattoos on his ear, broken ribs, cigarette burns and surgery without anaesthetic. They were worried it could be a problem because they have young grandkids.

Still, they decided do the trial adoption and see how he got on – usually, he said, the trial is for a week or two, then the dog returns to the original adopters and then the paperwork is done. They never saw the original adopters again.

And while they were still concerned about the biting, Con had to go away for work for a few weeks, so they got a dog-sitter in to look after Cooper. When Con returned, he said Cooper crawled along the floor of the hall on his belly to Con, head and ears down, then crawled all the way up under his shirt, curling up against his chest, trembling and whimpering. The dogsitter – who is some kind of pet psychologist as well – said it was because he’s been abandoned and dumped so many times, he didn’t know they were coming back.

Con: right that second, I decided fuck the grandkids, we’re keeping him.

And now, Cooper is so happy and safe and loved and safe :)

There was one other question but I can’t recall what it was now. It was such a lovely chat and he is genuinely such a lovely, warm, funny guy.

[ikajo00]

Non-alien human alien #10 Convergent Evolution

Keeping her expression under control, Anna made certain to thank the Zoid leader for allowing them to visit the Zoid homeworld. She even managed to shake the claw extended to her with minimum reaction. Only once they were safely aboard the shuttle to take them back to Helios did she allow herself to laugh. Much to confusion of the rest of the contingency from the Intergalactic Federation. She didn’t even bother to explain.

Because the Zoid looked exactly like the character Zoidberg from the ancient cartoon Futurama. Even the name of the species were near identical to the character. How could she not find it funny? Anna had nearly cracked when the leader had sounded almost like the character in question. Thinking back to her interactions with the Zoid leader, she couldn’t help but laugh loudly.

“Human?” a being looking like a giant shrimp asked primly. “Are you well? Are you having some kind of medical issue? I’m told some of you can be around my kind.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine", Anna said, getting her laughter under control. “I was just laughing?”

“Laughing? That hacking sound?”

“Yeah, it means I find something funny. At least in this case.”

“I... see... well, if you are sure...”

Anna calmed herself, for now, and let the quiet in the shuttle be. Not that she sat idle, instead she sneakily used her screen to create a compilation of her interactions with the Zoid, so she could show the Helios crew later.

Laughter filled the cafeteria as the human crew members roared and hooted. Eyes tracked on Anna’s screen. Rodrigues lifted his hands and mimicked claws, scuttling.

“Popopo", he pushed out, making his voice higher pitched.

Kaneeshaa stared at the human merriment, feeling completely out of her depth. Even though Anna was usually a human she could understand, at the moment, the woman was in the middle of this chaos. Humans were throwing around phrases that apparently held some significance to them, as people seemed to know these references. Even Captain and Vice-Captain Vance were participating.

“Girl, how in the world did you managed to keep you face straight?” a female crew member cackled to Anna, who surprisingly grinned.

“With immense effort”, she said. “I broke in the shuttle, and the others thought I had some kind of medical issue. Especially that one who looks like a giant shrimp.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me of the Mrepers", Engineer Yang said. “For some reason, seeing them always makes me feel hungry.”

“Woah, Yang", Slakov said while grinning. “Are you trying to be a cannibal?”

“What, I never said I was going to ear a Mreper! But come one, they look like shrimp, I love shrimp, so I get super hungry when I see a giant shrimp!” Yang shoot back.

“I don’t like seafood", Anna noted. For some reason, several humans froze, looked at her, and did something on those rectangles the humans carried around. Muttering about dangerous food.

“But that raises an interesting question, doesn’t it?” Vice-Captain Vance said. “How is it that so many sentient beings in the known galaxies looks like bigger or smaller versions of Earth animals? We have birds, reptiles, crustaceans, and even some insects.”

“Oh, I think I know the answer to this one", Anna said, holding up a hand. “I heard about in documentary. It is called Convergent Evolution. Something something about traits repeating.”

“Convergent Evolution is when the same or similar trait develops independently in two unrelated species”, Biologist Virtanen followed up. “We see it in animals on Earth. That would actually explain why we see so much similarity.”

“We haven’t seen any primates yet, though", Captain Vance mused. “Or any mammals from Earth. Heck, pregnancy like mammals do it seem quite uncommon in and off.”

Kaneeshaa had seen a pregnant human, once. The idea of carrying an egg in your body for that long seemed mind of crazy. She couldn’t understand what humans could gain by having offspring that way. Eggs were more economical. Especially when you could just use heat lamps and the like instead of sitting on the egg.

Eventually, the humans had to return to their duties and drifted away. Some of them still doing strange things.

“Popopo", Rodrigues still pretended to snap his hands like claws and scuttle while making weird noises. Moreau slammed her fist into the man’s head so hard Kaneeshaa was prepared for Rodrigues to have to be transported to the morgue. Instead, he let out a loud noise of pain and clutched his head. Letting out a series of words whose meaning escaped Kaneeshaa, Rodrigues narrowed his eyes at Moreau.

“That hurt!” he barked.

“Don’t be a baby, I’ve seen you intentionally hit your head against the wall much harder", Moreau sniffed. “Besides, you were being annoying.”

The two headed out alongside most other humans. Kaneeshaa waited until it was fairly empty on the cafeteria before she joined Anna’s table. Her friend was smiling, but looked a bit tired. Anna played the footage again, giggling to herself.

“That was... unexpected...” Kaneeshaa said carefully.

“What was?”

“You, in that group. The whole thing.”

The human sighed. “Kaneeshaa, I might not be similar to the extroverted training nuts populating this star cruiser, but I’m not some kind of human outcast", Anna said. “This is just a case of me having something in common with my colleagues, and that something was funny.”

“I fear I don’t understand the funny part. The Zoid is just being a Zoid, no?”

Her human friend looked at her unblinking for a long moment. Then her lips curved. Taking out her larger rectangle, Anna fiddled with it and then handed it to Kaneeshaa. There was a drawing of a Zoid in human clothing.

“That character was created nearly two thousand years ago, by a human”, Anna said triumphantly. But the Shrieeshka couldn’t help but feel a combination of dread and fascination. Who knew some humans had the ability to see the future? They had to be special, prophets even. What if there were prophets living among the humans right now?

Better not to think about it....

[theorist-fox]

"Theo! I wanna write stories of my favourite fictional characters fighting for their lives, solving mysteries, surviving an apocalypse, finding love, and getting railed into next Tuesday—but I’m not confident in my English since it's not my first language.

What can I do?"

Well—

Have a seat, my sweet, and let cranky ol' Theo take you on a journey to reach (almost) unshakable confidence in your second (third? fourth? fifth? damn 🧐) language.

I’m going to assume everyone here has had a reasonable smattering of English ever since they were young, because yes—I just know that if you’re here and English isn’t your first language, you’ve been studying it ever since you were a kid.

However, if you haven’t, let me introduce you to:

Step 0. Get started!

English grammar is relatively easy, especially when compared to other languages (i.e. Italian grammar is a nightmare, Spanish grammar is a nightmare, French grammar is… my sleep paralysis demon).

There are several sites you can consult to train your English, and the most well-rounded one (I used to steal exercises from it when I helped my niece with her English homework) is BBC Learning English. 

It has videos, subjects are divided into units and each unit has straightforward exercises that are promptly corrected.

Unfortunately, most sites have a paywall.

To keep training your English, Duolingo is still an incredibly effective app. It’s free, packed with exercises, and you can start at any level you want!

Don’t make the owl mad and keep training, even if it's only a handful of minutes a day. Take notes on a notepad as you go, and review them as you would during a normal school lecture. In other words: study the thing!

Step 1. Live English-ly

Go on about your day, but do it in English. 

Consume media like you’re a black hole sucking the Englishness out of everything around you. 

Watch films in English. 

Start easy, and choose animated features—they’re often directed to younger audiences hence the English they use is simple and direct. Put subtitles in your first language initially, and when you think you’ve gained enough confidence, switch to English Dub and English Sub.

Take notes of words you like, and idioms—hell, those work like a charm and make you look more confident in the language!

Keep your phone nearby and type in anything new, or jot it down on paper, on a napkin, wherever—as long as you store it somewhere safe for future reference.

Read books and fics in English

It doesn’t matter if the writer’s first language isn’t English, because you can still learn from anything.

If you don’t know a word, don’t skim over it even if you understand the meaning from the context. Look up the translation online and put it down somewhere you can easily refer to when writing!

When you feel confident enough, instead of searching for:

“XXX translation in XYZ language”,

look for:

“XXX meaning”.

This latter passage is important, because, more often than not, English words can change their meaning based on the context.

Example: “Funny”

“This is a funny joke” = This joke makes you laugh;

“My stomach feels funny” = Your stomach is not being tickled, but there’s something wrong with your stomach.

Read the news in English. 

This will help you develop a more formal language, allowing you to absorb concepts that aren't normally found in a fic/movie/book. Not only that, but the structure of a journalistic article can help you with the formatting. 

The main goal of the news is to give you information that is straight to the point. Most newspapers articles have the best formatting.

Paragraphs are direct and succinct; they contain the information you’re looking for and keep you focused.

That’s what you want to do with your audience: feed intel that keeps them fastened to your story, bit by bit. Paragraph by paragraph.

Step 2. 🎶 MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC 🎶

Listen to music in English, but not only for the vibe.

The wonderful thing about music is that singers don’t follow the rules: they’ll sing with their accent if they like (Stormzy, Hozier, Little Simz), or they’ll change where the accent falls on a word just to make it fit the melody.

Catch the words, try to understand the lyrics without reading through them, and then check them out later.

This is a good, fun way to train your ear and learn new words, while also 1) healing your soul because music is beautiful, and 2) having a good fucking time.

Step 3. Podcasts & YouTube videos

While many platforms offer free podcasts specifically designed for learning English, those created for other purposes are another fun way to train your ear and, above all, learn slang.

Now, as a Call of Duty fanfiction aficionado, I always strive to make my British men as British as can be. The British-est of them all.

I watch British YouTubers, I listen to British podcasters, watch movies made in the UK with British actors, and I listen to British artists and British music.

Do the same thing if you’re looking for a specific accent or dialect!

I understand that most YouTubers end up Americanizing themselves due to the dominance of American media, but you’d be surprised by how many keep their roots intact instead!

Step 4. Talk to yourself

Yes you read right.

Your first language isn’t English? We do not care in this household. 

What you wanna do is speak it daily. Talk to yourself, baby. Train that pronunciation.

Pretend you're Sherlock Holmes when you're looking for that thing you lost in the house—bonus if you add "Elementary, my dear Watson" if your pet is nearby!

Pretend you’re a cowboy and say Howdy to yourself in the mirror!

I’ll be honest with you: this is the only way I come up with dialogues. 

I have entire arguments with myself in bed, and sometimes I spontaneously say something that I think would fit X character.

Man, it's cathartic too, in a way. And I always win the argument—big plus, that one.

Step 5. Don’t change to fit in

This is my favourite thing about writing.

I'm just a lil Italian lady, and Italian sentence structure is completely different from the English.

We are chatty, we talk your ear off. Our sentences are long and structured; we could fit an entire concept into a single paragraph without ever putting a period in the sentence.

English, on the other hand, is much more direct. Shorter sentences and no convolutions whatsoever.

I tried to fit in, but alas I am chatty, and while sometimes I manage, other times I simply don’t—and that’s okay.

Weave your first language and culture into your English stories—this can become your signature as a writer!

Step 6. Make mistakes

The most ancient (and hated) tip of all times is “Learn from your mistakes”. 

I know, I know, I am also a perfectionist. I also go through a story at least four thousand times before I post it, and by the time I’m ready to click “Post now”, I hate it with all my guts (hell, this guide has mistakes, somewhere).

You’d be surprised how many people think differently, though

However, sometimes it will flop.

It’ll flop so hard you’ll end up wallowing in bed, ready to quit your hobby for good because you suck and that’s the only reasonable explanation.

When you’re done crying, however, sit down in front of your fic and analyze it.

Was the grammar fucked? Check it again. 

Have you used a trope so niche only three people are interested in it? Well, in that case, it didn't flop, did it? It just reached a small target audience.

Are the “Trigger Warnings” too much for the majority of people to handle? Is the fic too heavy? Too light? Too weird? It's okay! Sometimes your work won't be everyone's cup of tea. Sometimes you'll be the only one who'll like that type of tea.

You’ll flop and you’ll hate yourself and other people for it.

Don’t let it consume you, don’t resent the fandom for not clicking on your story. Don't resent native speakers because you think writing is easier for them—writing is never easy.

Fucking hell, I can’t write in my first language as comfortably as I do in English.

Listen to constructive criticism—ask for constructive criticism. Learn, learn, and learn.

And if some people are mean to you, if they tell you to never write again—flip ‘em the bird.

You’re allowed to say "Fuck You" to assholes.

Step 7. Ask for help

There is a community around you, ask for help.

English is not your first language, but it is for other people.

Be mindful and polite—some people will be open to helping, others won’t, and that’s more than fair. It’s not their job to teach you, but there’s no harm in reaching out.

Literally, conversations with my British friends sometimes go like this:

Step 8. Use resources

Writing resources are all over Tumblr, and all over the rest of the Internet too.

When I don’t want to bother someone because every one of us has a real life outside of social media, the Internet can still be your friend.

These are my favourite places:

WordHippo (Thank you @/void-my-warranty, we all say in unison): rich in synonyms categorized by meaning (much better alternative to TheSaurus)

r/AskABrit: subreddit dedicated to questions you might have regarding the English language and life in the UK. There is a "r/AskA___" subreddit for everything, to be honest—just look for it!

The Cranky Bint’s Guide to Brit-Picking: “A basic guide to Brit-picking your fics. It also explains some common cultural differences, and gives a list of your more basic swear words.” This is my treasure trove.

OneLook TheSaurus (Thank you @/staytrueblue, we all say in unison): allows you to find words based on the description you give it. Wonderful tool for non-native speakers who know the concept, but lack the vocabulary!

Step 9. Read, watch, listen

Writing is grammar, true.

Writing is beautifully constructed sentences that flow like water beneath your eyes and fill you with emotions you never knew were possible.

But writing is also substance.

Think of your imagination as a car—you gotta give it fuel, baby, or it won’t go anywhere.

Your mind can take you to every nook and cranny of the world—the one you know and the ones you don’t—but it won’t get far if you don’t explore the possibilities.

Read books in any language, watch movies in any language, observe life happening around you.

Look at yourself, too.

You are a story, already.

Pick bits and pieces of your life and place them in a character. Remember conversations that tore the heart out of your chest, or those that tickled you just right.

There’s a whole world around you waiting to inspire you. Use it!

Step 10. Have fun, goddamnit!

Theo, I just wrote the most disgusting piece of smut/gore/whatever of my entire life in a fugue state what do I do?

Did you have fun?

Yes

GOOD. Others will have fun reading it, too.

Don’t be afraid. You’re using a damn alias, for fuck’s sake—and so are the people reading your work!

This is your chance to be your unabashed self—but always be kind and mindful to other writers and your readers.

Have fun, pour it all out, and share it with the world.

Enjoy this.

It's a hobby that not only helps you overcome language insecurities, but also uncovers parts of yourself you never knew were there.

Now go, my sweet. You are ready. I say, placing my hand over your head in blessing

Write your heart out, tell your stories, and enjoy the ride.

This is what it’s all about.

With all my love,

—Theoristfox🦊