#especially the part where Clyde and some girl are in the closet

[methinmycoffee]

Season 8 rankings!

From best to worst:

Quest For Ratings (Ep. 11)

The Jeffersons (Ep. 6)

Good Times With Weapons (Ep. 1)

Awesom-O (Ep. 5)

Cartman’s Incredible Gift (Ep. 13)

Woodland Critter Christmas (Ep. 14)

You Got F’d In The A (Ep 4)

Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes (Ep. 9)

The Passion of the Jew (Ep. 3)

Preschool (Ep. 10)

Douche and Turd (Ep. 8)

Goobacks (Ep. 7)

Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset (Ep. 12)

Up The Down Steriod (Ep. 2)

[mrs-gucci]

Spread ‘Em Wide {Clyde Logan x pregnant!Reader}

author’s notes: hellooo! happy memorial day everyone :) I’m so soft for Clyde and his pregnant girl...but I’m also horny. so, this is the resulting fic lol

**this is part of the Clyde & Pumpkin AU**

warnings: smut. fluff. literally just smut. error: plot not found. pregnancy/belly kink. some breeding kink (v light, though). use of a clit vibrator. a dash of dirty talk. 

(possible) tw’s: pregnancy.

“Oh pumpkin, oh honey…” Clyde sighs, kissing your lips as his hands gently hold your hips, pulling you further onto his lap. 

You whine softly into his mouth, already feeling your panties soaking. Pregnancy hormones were no joke, you’ve discovered, especially in the second trimester when you began showing. 

Luckily, Clyde is always ready and willing to help you out with your sudden feelings of intense horniness.

“Ye look so pretty, so fuckin’ beautiful all swollen like this.” He moans, hips pressing up against you. “Love havin’ ya on top of me, pressin’ yer big belly on me, pumpkin.”

You bite your lip, looking down at your handsome husband with lust-blown eyes. “Yeah? You like seeing me pregnant?”

“Shit, oh god, y-yeah.”

His cock throbs beneath his jeans and he groans, nodding eagerly, beard gently scratching your neck as he kisses and nips your skin.

Your hands run through his hair as he continues his assault on your neck, covering seemingly every inch of it with kisses.

“Wanna put ‘nother one in ye, pumpkin, keep ya swollen ‘s long as I can.” His hips buck up gently as he nips your collarbones. “Love burying my cum in ya.”

You moan softly as he pulls your shirt up over your head, licking his lips when his eyes come in contact with your breasts. You’ve grown two sizes during the pregnancy, and you practically spill out of every bra you own now, even if you buy the correct size.

Clyde loves it, though, and his mouth instantly gets to work on the exposed mounds poking out the top of the cups. “Jesus, I love these tits so fuckin’ much, love seein ‘em spill out of yer bra. So big, so full...fuck.”

“P-Please.” You whine, starting to bounce lightly up and down on him. “I’m ready for you, wanna ride your big fat cock, Clyde.”

He growls, holding your hips still.

“So eager, hm? I think I wanna take ye from behind today, pumpkin, get real far inside ye so that I can put my cum in nice n’ deep.”

The prospect makes you shudder with excitement. “Where do y-you want me?”

His lips curl up into a small smirk and he leans forward, mouthing at your earlobe, breath hot.

“Go on upstairs n’ bend yourself over on the bed. Take these leggin’s off, hold onto the headboard, n’ spread yer legs nice n’ wide for me. Can ye do that, pumpkin?”

You quickly nod and get up off his lap, walking upstairs as fast as was possible with a pregnant belly. Your leggings are all but torn off, with a bit of maneuvering of course, before you take your position on the bed. 

Clyde comes up a minute later, groaning softly as he sees you fully naked and bent over just as he’d asked. He quickly sheds his clothes and strokes himself as he walks up beside you, spreading your lips with his prosthetic, extra careful as your glistening folds are exposed. 

He suddenly gets an idea, pulling away and walking over to the closet, pulling out one of your favorite clit vibrators. He puts a dot of lube on the toy before turning to the lowest setting, setting it gently on your sensitive nub.

The way you gasp and your hips instinctively roll down against it makes Clyde throb in his palm.

“Yeah, yer pussy loves this lil thing, huh pumpkin?”

You nod, biting your lip as your hips grind roughly and desperately down onto the small toy. You’re sweating with the effort, quickly reaching the edge of orgasm. He couldn’t believe how quickly you’d reached this point.

“G-Gon--gonna fucking c-cum, baby.”

When Clyde senses you’re about to orgasm, he clicks the button, turning it up a setting. Your eyes fly open and you cry out as an intense and sudden climax hits. 

“Fuck, oh god, C-Clyde!”

The headboard bangs on the wall as your hips buck and squirm against the vibrations, enjoying the delicious pressure and subtle pain of overstimulation.

As soon as you’re finished, he turns off the toy and tosses it onto his pile of clothes, quickly mounting the mattress behind you. He rubs his cockhead through your slick, moaning softly when he feels how much has come along with your orgasm before lining up with your entrance.

“Ya ready, pumpkin?”

You nod, and he holds your hips as he pushes forward, sheathing himself fully inside you with a long, drawn out growl.

“Lord...j-jesus christ, Y/N.”

Your hands tighten against the beam of the headboard as your body begins rocking back and forth with each snap of your husband’s skilled hips. 

“O-Oh, Clyde, baby…”

“Goddamn lil pussy’s gon’ be the d-death o’ me, I s-swear.” He mumbles, fucking you a little faster. “Yer fuckin’ soaked, pumpkin, so wet fer my c-cock.”

The whole bed squeaks and creaks against the hardwood as Clyde fucks you harder, the sound of skin slapping bouncing off the walls.

“Y-Yes, baby, yes!” You cry when he begins stroking that one special spot inside of you. “Right there, oh yeah honey, right f-fucking there!”

Clyde absolutely loves it when you make lots of noise for him, because he knows it’s all genuine. That’s one thing you told him right off the bat when you first met ten years ago, that you’d never, ever fake sexual noises or releases. And you never did.

His strokes speed up and he switches the position of his thrusts a bit so that he’s now coming up a bit underneath you. This allowed him to fully rub against your g-spot while also continuing the deep penetration that comes with the doggy-style position.

You’re seeing stars as you cum for the second time that evening, tears burning in your eyes as you cry out again with orgasm. Your walls grip him tightly and spasm around him, hips jerking randomly as you ride out your climax.

He cums not too long after you, good hand reaching up to grip your shoulder as he ruts his hips erratically, cock buried as deeply inside you as it can while rope after rope of thick seed spurts into your cunt.

“Fuck, p-pumpkin, take it all inside ye. That’s--ohhhh--that’s right, ma g-good girl, ma good lil w-wife.”

It’s already pouring out of you even before Clyde pulls out, dripping down your thighs and even some onto the bedding below. He always has really big loads, which at first he was embarrassed by, but you quickly showed him how much you loved it when he made a mess of you.

Both of you are catching your breath as Clyde slides out of you, then gets up to grab a warm washcloth. He wipes your folds gently, planting a soft kiss on your oversensitive clit before wiping up your thighs, nonchalantly tossing the used cloth aside before laying down. He has a hand on your back the entire time you gently lay down onto the bed, pulling you close once you’re down comfortably. 

His textured fingertips lightly trace random patterns on your swollen stomach, laughing softly to himself when the baby starts kicking. You laugh, too, your fingers playing with his raven waves.

“She knows her daddy already.” You say with a smile.

Clyde beams with pride, scooting down so that his face can be nice and close to your stomach.

“Hey there, lil peach. Yer mom ‘n me are real excited to meet ya in a few months, an’ so are yer aunt and uncle. You’re already so loved, peach, yer not gon’ know what to do with all of it when ya finally get here.”

You both laugh softly, and your eyes fill up with tears as you rub the back of Clyde’s head. He kisses your bump, hand still rubbing it, before sliding back up to kiss you on the lips.

“Yer amazin’, ya know that? Givin’ me a daughter, carryin’ her fer me...I’ll never be able to repay ya in this lifetime, but I’ll do my damndest.” He smiles, kissing you again. “I love ya so damn much, Y/N, ma beautiful wife ‘n momma of m’ daughter.”

Tears are beginning to dribble down your cheeks, feeling so overwhelmed with love at this moment. You’re sure that you’ll never get used to Clyde’s love and appreciation for you, but you still treasure it very, very much.

You nuzzle your nose against his, unable to wipe the smile from your expression.

“I love you more, Clyde.”

[platypuskenny]

the fandom has sadly always been pretty weird about rebecca, and the girls in general. bebe with boobs, and her "dumping" an unappreciative kyle to get with clyde? she's a slut. rebecca instantly flirting with other boys after kyle kisses her? slut, villain, even an abuser in fics! whuh? wendy of course would be like enemy #1 to these fans, rebecca following close behind, and even kenny's one-time girlfriend kelly was vilified. ofc tammy being sexually active also got her heat. sad.

honestly i'm one of those fans who, for the most part, tries to put these behaviors in the context of these still ultimately being kids (at least in the earlier seasons where they're   written as kids as opposed to trey and matt's angst dumps). so seeing any of them be called a slut is just.... weird and creepy to me. especially in the context of episodes that are ultimately criticizing the way society forces young girls into sexualized behaviors far too early.

bebe canonically has some manipulative tendencies and seems to have boyfriends just for the sake of it, but she's never written to be "slutty" or anything of that sort. she likes kyle's butt and she engages in the "whore" trend with the other girls but that's pretty much it. the fact people characterize her as promiscuous because she has boobs is baffling because the episode is specifically about how she doesn't want to be seen that way. she hates being objectified to the point she tries to get breast reduction surgery. her flirtation with guys seems to be just to get something out of them or to follow a trend. honestly i like the headcanon of her being a closeted lesbian more than anything.

the fact that rebecca apparently has a history of being caricatured as a slutty villain is heartbreaking to me. honestly, rebecca is my favorite one-off character and she's so interesting for reasons that fandom rarely explores. her burst of sexuality is depicted as something she doesn't fully understand, because she's unfamiliar with love and possibly any sort of affection in general. her attitude seems to be a caricature of "sexy party girl" which leads me to believe she's positing rather than actually becoming promiscuous. nothing about her behavior seems malicious, and her abandoning kyle is more just because she literally does not know how to maintain friendships. and again, she's a kid, a heavily sheltered one. i think it's more rewarding to explore how rebecca learns how to healthily express affection despite her sheltered background than to just paint her as a "whore."

kelly is really underrated and i don't get what's worth vilifying about her when she did nothing wrong. she saves kenny's life for fuck's sake! also she's a child. she still picks her nose.

wendy is very very complicated to write accurately and even i don't fully understand her, but the fandom reducing her to either "perfect girlboss" or "evil bitch who broke stan's heart" is annoying as hell.

i get why people hate on tammy since she did kiiiinda kill kenny, but she didn't actually do anything out of malice. she performed sexual acts on another kid and regretted it deeply (her speech about it actually makes me sad) and her home life is comparable to kenny's in at least poverty.

it's amazing how many of these characters seem to have more depth in a single episode than they do across literal decades of fanmade content! but i guess that's what happens when the show and its fandom are such a boys' club and the fandom gets used to the boys being the most developed characters ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[richincolor]

New Releases for the Week of May 3, 2021

It's great to see so many new books hitting the shelves this week. I know I've been waiting for several of these and am happy to be able to finally read them. 

The Ones We’re Meant to Find by Joan He Roaring Brook

Cee has been trapped on an abandoned island for three years without any recollection of how she arrived, or memories from her life prior. All she knows is that somewhere out there, beyond the horizon, she has a sister named Kay. Determined to find her, Cee devotes her days to building a boat from junk parts scavenged inland, doing everything in her power to survive until the day she gets off the island and reunites with her sister.

In a world apart, 16-year-old STEM prodigy Kasey Mizuhara is also living a life of isolation. The eco-city she calls home is one of eight levitating around the world, built for people who protected the planet―and now need protecting from it. With natural disasters on the rise due to climate change, eco-cities provide clean air, water, and shelter. Their residents, in exchange, must spend at least a third of their time in stasis pods, conducting business virtually whenever possible to reduce their environmental footprint. While Kasey, an introvert and loner, doesn’t mind the lifestyle, her sister Celia hated it. Popular and lovable, Celia much preferred the outside world. But no one could have predicted that Celia would take a boat out to sea, never to return.

Now it’s been three months since Celia’s disappearance, and Kasey has given up hope. Logic says that her sister must be dead. But as the public decries her stance, she starts to second guess herself and decides to retrace Celia’s last steps. Where they’ll lead her, she does not know. Her sister was full of secrets. But Kasey has a secret of her own. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee Quill Tree Books

Noah Ramirez thinks he’s an expert on romance. He has to be for his popular blog, the Meet Cute Diary, a collection of trans happily ever afters. There’s just one problem—all the stories are fake. What started as the fantasies of a trans boy afraid to step out of the closet has grown into a beacon of hope for trans readers across the globe.

When a troll exposes the blog as fiction, Noah’s world unravels. The only way to save the Diary is to convince everyone that the stories are true, but he doesn’t have any proof. Then Drew walks into Noah’s life, and the pieces fall into place: Drew is willing to fake-date Noah to save the Diary. But when Noah’s feelings grow beyond their staged romance, he realizes that dating in real life isn’t quite the same as finding love on the page.

In this charming novel by Emery Lee, Noah will have to choose between following his own rules for love or discovering that the most romantic endings are the ones that go off script. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

They Better Call Me Sugar: My Journey from the Hood to the Hardwood by Sugar Rodgers Black Sheep

Growing up in dire poverty in Suffolk, Virginia, Sugar (born Ta’Shauna) Rodgers never imagined that she would become an all-star player in the WNBA (Women’s National Basketball Association). Both of her siblings were in and out of prison throughout much of her childhood and shootings in her neighborhood were commonplace. For Sugar this was just a fact of life.

While academics wasn’t a high priority for Sugar and many of her friends, athletics always played a prominent role. She mastered her three-point shot on a net her brother put up just outside their home, eventually becoming so good that she could hustle local drug dealers out of money in one-on-one contests.

With the love and support of her family and friends, Sugar’s performance on her high school basketball team led to her recruitment by the Georgetown Hoyas, and her eventual draft into the WNBA in 2013 by the Minnesota Lynx (who won the WNBA Finals in Sugar’s first year). The first of her family to attend college, Sugar speaks of her struggles both academically and as an athlete with raw honesty.

Sugar’s road to a successful career as a professional basketball player is fraught with sadness and death–including her mother’s death when she’s fourteen, which leaves Sugar essentially homeless. Throughout it all, Sugar clings to basketball as a way to keep herself focused and sane.

And now Sugar shares her story as a message of hope and inspiration for young girls and boys everywhere, but especially those growing up in economically challenging conditions. Never sugarcoating her life experiences, she delivers a powerful message of discipline, perseverance, and always believing in oneself. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry by Joya Goffney HarperTeen

Quinn keeps lists of everything—from the days she’s ugly cried, to “Things That I Would Never Admit Out Loud,” to all the boys she’d like to kiss. Her lists keep her sane. By writing her fears on paper, she never has to face them in real life. That is, until her journal goes missing…

An anonymous account posts one of her lists on Instagram for the whole school to see and blackmails her into facing seven of her greatest fears, or else her entire journal will go public. Quinn doesn’t know who to trust. Desperate, she teams up with Carter Bennett—the last known person to have her journal—in a race against time to track down the blackmailer.

Together, they journey through everything Quinn’s been too afraid to face, and along the way, Quinn finds the courage to be honest, to live in the moment, and to fall in love. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Hurricane Summer by Asha Bromfield Wednesday Books

Tilla has spent her entire life trying to make her father love her. But every six months, he leaves their family and returns to his true home: the island of Jamaica.

When Tilla’s mother tells her she’ll be spending the summer on the island, Tilla dreads the idea of seeing him again, but longs to discover what life in Jamaica has always held for him.

In an unexpected turn of events, Tilla is forced to face the storm that unravels in her own life as she learns about the dark secrets that lie beyond the veil of paradise—all in the midst of an impending hurricane.

Hurricane Summer is a powerful coming of age story that deals with colorism, classism, young love, the father-daughter dynamic—and what it means to discover your own voice in the center of complete destruction. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Indivisible by Daniel Aleman Little, Brown Books for Young Readers

There is a word Mateo Garcia and his younger sister Sophie have been taught to fear for as long as they can remember: deportation. Over the past few years, however, the fear that their undocumented immigrant parents could be sent back to Mexico has started to fade to the back of their minds. And why wouldn’t it, when their Ma and Pa have been in the United States for so long, they have American-born children, and they’re hard workers and good neighbors?

When two ICE agents come asking for Pa, the Garcia family realizes that the lives they’ve built are about to come crumbling down. And when Mateo returns from school one day to find that his parents have been taken, he’ll have to come to terms with the fact that his family’s worst nightmare has become a reality.

With his Ma and Pa being held in separate detention centers, Mateo must learn how to look after his sister and himself. The choices Mateo makes, and the people he turns to for help, might reunite his family… or tear them apart for good. With his parents’ fate and his own future hanging in the balance, Mateo must figure out who he is and what he is capable of, even as he’s forced to question what it means to be an American teenager in a country that rejects his own mom and dad. — Cover art and summary via Goodreads

Counting Down with You by Tashie Bhuiyan Inkyard Press

Karina Ahmed has a plan. Keep her head down, get through high school without a fuss, and follow her parents’ rules—even if it means sacrificing her dreams. When her parents go abroad to Bangladesh for four weeks, Karina expects some peace and quiet. Instead, one simple lie unravels everything.

Karina is my girlfriend.

Tutoring the school’s resident bad boy was already crossing a line. Pretending to date him? Out of the question. But Ace Clyde does everything right—he brings her coffee in the mornings, impresses her friends without trying, and even promises to buy her a dozen books (a week) if she goes along with his fake-dating facade. Though Karina agrees, she can’t help but start counting down the days until her parents come back.

T-minus twenty-eight days until everything returns to normal—but what if Karina no longer wants it to? — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

All Kinds of Other by James Sie Quill Tree Books

In this tender, nuanced coming-of-age love story, two boys—one who is cis and one who is trans—have been guarding their hearts to protect themselves, until their feelings for each other give them a reason to stand up to their fears.

Two boys are starting at a new school.

Jules is just figuring out what it means to be gay and hasn’t totally decided whether he wants to be out at his new school. His parents and friends have all kinds of opinions, but for his part, Jules just wants to make the basketball team and keep his head down.

Jack is trying to start over after a best friend break-up. He followed his actor father clear across the country to LA, but he’s also totally ready to leave his past behind. Maybe this new school where no one knows him is exactly what he needs.

When the two boys meet, the sparks are undeniable. But then a video surfaces linking Jack to a pair of popular transgender vloggers, and the revelations about Jack’s past thrust both Jack and Jules into the spotlight they’ve been trying to avoid. Suddenly both boys have a choice to make—between lying low where it’s easier or following their hearts. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Luck of the Titanic by Stacey Lee G.P. Putnam's Sons Books for Young Readers

Southampton, 1912: Seventeen-year-old British-Chinese Valora Luck has quit her job and smuggled herself aboard the Titanic with two goals in mind: to reunite with her twin brother Jamie--her only family now that both their parents are dead--and to convince a part-owner of the Ringling Brothers Circus to take the twins on as acrobats. Quick-thinking Val talks her way into opulent firstclass accommodations and finds Jamie with a group of fellow Chinese laborers in third class. But in the rigidly stratified world of the luxury liner, Val's ruse can only last so long, and after two long years apart, it's unclear if Jamie even wants the life Val proposes. Then, one moonless night in the North Atlantic, the unthinkable happens--the supposedly unsinkable ship is dealt a fatal blow--and Val and her companions suddenly find themselves in a race to survive.

Stacey Lee, master of historical fiction, brings a fresh perspective to an infamous tragedy, loosely inspired by the recently uncovered account of six Titanic survivors of Chinese descent.

[kylo-rens-scar]

Weekend (Clyde Logan x Reader) 6k (!!!)

Note: Two years of extreme on and off writing and now I finally have something! Answering the prompt of “I'm so excited to see this and currently am looking forward! :D How about something fluffy as a good start for the audience?” from @creamyvanillalove Hope you and everyone enjoys it! This is actually part of a series of multiple one-shots I have cooking, because thinking about my dream life with Clyde Logan has been one of the only constants in my life for the past few years.

Sleeping in until 10 am on a Saturday was something rare in the Logan household especially with 22 month old triplets. Clyde came home around 2:30 from the bar and was still sleeping. You kiss him on the cheek and get out of bed, making your way to the bathroom. You throw on some yoga pants and wash your face. It’s surprisingly quiet in the house, and you thank the lord above the boys are still asleep. You have some much needed emails to catch up on.

You walk into the kitchen and turn on the coffee, and start to think what to make for breakfast today. You spot some overly ripe bananas Clyde swore he was going to eat a few days ago when you bought them, and yet there they were. Banana pancakes it is then. The boys are not too picky with breakfast so this would be easy for everyone. And Clyde would finally eat the bananas.

You are finally able to sit down at the dining room table to check your email when the first fussing is heard from matts monitor.

You make your way to his room and slowly open the door to find him standing up in his crib, rubbing his sleepy eyes and scrunching his face

“Good morning sweet boy,” you coo as you grab his glasses and put them on him. He yawns and makes grabby hands up at you and you pick him up. After quickly changing his diaper, you scoop him back up and carry him to the upstairs family room. You put Matt on the couch and turned the tv on quietly to Paw Patrol. Someday, you want to get they boys a dog, but they’re too young. Matt is immediately engaged to what ever show is on and you go back to finally checking your email.

Ben is the next to get up, but he sounds more of screaming bloody murder when he wakes up, something you pray to god he grows out of. And as usual, he’s fine, nothing’s wrong with him. As soon as you open his bedroom door, the screaming stops and regular crying begins. Very typical of Ben. The crying turns into sniffles when you pick him up.

After another quick diaper change, ben is plopped down next to Matt, both now engaged in the morning cartoon. Taking after his father, you know kylo will very much sleep until noon or later, so you let him sleep a little longer, so you can get to those dang emails.

——

About halfway through your inbox, you hear shuffling downstairs, and then slow footsteps up the stairs. He walks up to Matt and Ben an ruffles their hair before sitting down next to you on the couch. They boys were too engaged in to the tv to really notice their father. Clyde puts his arm around you then kisses your temple. You’re finishing up you last reply and smile.

“Where’s kylo?” Clyde yawns.

“Still sleeping, I checked on him when I got the other two up and he was still sound asleep.”

“Hmmph” he grunts as he sips some of his coffee. Clyde isn’t that big of a morning person, especially after a long night at the bar.

You close your computer and and stretch. Y’all have a busy day today and you were pretty sure Clyde didn’t hear you last night about it.

“Honey you and the boys are getting hair cuts this afternoon then we have that football tailgate party with the colwells tonight but before then I have to run to the store and get some things for them. I told Them I’d bring dessert and some tortilla chips. Clyde did you even hear a word I said?”

“Huh? Yeah I got everythin’ what time we leaving?”

“I’m hopin’ by 1:45, your sister said anytime after 1:30 was fine for us to head over to the salon”

“Why ain’t you getting you’re hair done?”

“Because I get mine done during the week when the boys are at daycare”

“Huh”

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a little bit, Clyde was still waking up and the boys were still glued to the tv, with occasional chatter from them. It was about 11:15 and you decided to get Kylo up finally. You told Clyde to bring Matt and Ben downstairs for breakfast while you woke up the last triplet.

———

Kylo was sound asleep still when you walked into his room. You opened the binds slowly to let the sunshine in. He stretched and yawned, then standing in his crib with a sleepy smile.

Kylo was the furthest along in potty training. He usually could hold it in at night and sometimes let you know when he had to go. Matt was the next furthest but usually didn’t have a dry night or could hold it in time to tell you. He tries as best he can but gets frustrated a lot. And then Ben showed absolutely no interest yet.

It was another dry night so after you took his diaper off you set him on his training potty. You praised him after he went and you let him put a sticker on the potty poster before heading back down with the rest of your family.

Clyde had Ben sitting on the counter, Matt in one arm and had a carton of eggs in his other hand. Ben was just about to get into the flour before you quickly whisked it away from his reach. Disappointed, Ben huffed and crossed his arms and looked at the ground, something he copied from Clyde a couple months ago. You ruffled his hair and helped Clyde by taking the egg carton and giving him kylo.

“Darlin I had things under control down here, we was just about to start fixin breakfast.” He protested

“You can help by putting the kids in their seats and getting their sippy cups.” You reply, kissing his cheek. “also kylo had another dry night!”

“Good job bud!” Clyde says and kisses his forehead.

With breakfast underway and the boys settled down in their seats, Clyde takes a moment to stare out into the backyard. He noticed the leaves in the tree line were beginning to rust into beautiful crimsons and oranges. Fall is Clyde’s favorite season. The changing of the leaves, cooler days, shorter days, warm drinks, you’d think he’s a basic white girl. Some mornings he’d see some turkey or deer rummaging in the grass, even a black bear once. This morning was quiet out there, nothing to be seen.

“Clyde honey, are you okay? I’ve been callin at ya for the past few minutes” You ask walking up him an putting your hand on his arm.

“Wha? Yea I’m fine darlin’, just zoned out for a lil bit. Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” He apologized and kissed your cheek.

“Well breakfast is ready and we got a big day ahead of us.”

———

After breakfast, you take the boys to your bathroom to bathe them and you send Clyde upstairs to get their outfits. You were smart enough the night before when you put the boys to sleep that you had their clothes out and ready.

Bathing three squirmy little boys was something you managed to master very quickly. Each one liked doing their own thing in the bath. Matt enjoys drawing with the bath crayons on the tub wall, Ben likes any kind of bath toys and Kylo prefers the bathtub stickers. Kylo is usually first, then Matt, and finally Ben. As each little one was finished you wrapped them in their towels and sat them on your vanity bench in the bathroom. Most of the time they will sit there and wait for Clyde to get them ready one by one, but sometimes they crawl down and scamper off to the closet and get into trouble. Today was one of those days.

Matt was sitting perfectly content on the bench with Kylo until he spotted his daddy’s shiny new belt buckle on the closet floor. Clyde won it at the fair a few weeks ago in the arm wrestling tournament.

Clyde was still upstairs grabbing the boys clothes at this point and you just started rinsing the shampoo out of Ben’s hair when Matt bounded towards the closet. Kylo was thankfully still on the bench and looked like he wasn’t moving off.

“Matthew James, you best not be getting into trouble in there...” you warn as you finish washing ben.

After discovering the shiny object and carefully inspecting it, Matt decided to run over to show you. But the towel was in the way and Matt tripped on it, causing him face plant straight onto the bathroom rug, followed by crying. You come to his rescue and scooped him into your arms. Clyde is back downstairs and walked into the bathroom to investigate the commotion. Ben and Kylo were wrapped in towels on the bench, both sliding off and shuffling over to Clyde.

“I’ll get these two ready?” He asked, herding the boys out of the bathroom.

“Please, Clyde. We might be a minute” you reply.

Matt has tears streaming down his face, and you see the worst possible place he got a rug burn: his chin. And to top it off, the burn was very much indeed raw. Ouch. Wrapping Matt back up in his towel you sit him down on your counter and open the first aid drawer. His chin and left palm had carpet burns.

“It’s gonna be okay baby, just a couple of little boo boos, hmm?” You try to reassure him.

After the small fiasco and a couple bandaids later, you and Matt emerge from the bathroom, Matt still bundled up in his towel. You hand him over to Clyde, who kissed Matt on the cheek and Clyde started to get him ready while you got dressed and ready yourself.

———

“Darlin I got all three ready to go, should I start loadin everyone in the car yet?” Clyde asked, peering into your closet. You were getting your boots on.

“Yes babe thank you I’ll be right out. I’ll text mellie we’re heading out now.” You nod, grabbing your coat. While making sure you had everything before heading out to the garage, mellie texted back, telling you not to rush. You get out to the suv to see Clyde in the passenger seat, turned around towards the boys with a stern look on his face. As you open the door you are greeted with a chorus of crying.

“BEN QUIT SMACKIN YOUR BROTHER HE AINT DONE NOTHIN WRONG TO YA!” Clyde bellowed to the back seat as you stepped into the drivers seat.

“What in the world has happened in the 10 minutes I was gone? Hmm?” You ask your husband.

“I swear everythin was for fine, Ben started smacking Kylo for lord knows why then Kylo hit back and also took Matt’s stuffed animal and threw it into your footbed.” Clyde motioned towards your feet.

Nodding, you pick up the stuffed animal giving it back to Matt. Like Clyde, you turn around in you seat to look at the boys. “Now, I don’t wanna have any more crocodile tears in this car or for the rest of today, got it?” You chide, elbowing Clyde for support.

“Uhh yeah boys, don’t get momma upset today.” he adds.

Knowing that little pep talk probably did nothing for them, but it was the thought that counts, you face the front again and start up your car. The boys remained quiet, except for the occasional unintelligible babble to one another, which was normal. Clyde was adjusting his prosthetic, humming contently when it was to his liking.

———

When you got to the salon, you saw that Ben had fallen back asleep on the drive. You gently get him out of his seat first and pass him over to Clyde, along with the diaper bag. Matt and Kylo were easy to get out of the car, but Matt insisted on being carried in, not loosening his grip on your top. Locking the car, you and your family walk in to the salon to see mellie near her chair, checking her phone. She looks up to Clyde and immediately comments on his hair.

“Good lord almighty Clyde, you’re growin a mop! According to my records it’s been 8 dang months since you last been here and honey it shows.” She says.

“Now Mellie you and I both know you done cut it too damn short last time so I been lettin it grow out again, short hair don’t suit me. My ears stick out.” Clyde huffed.

“Well then how ya want it done then? Last time you said ‘shorten it up for me, it keeps bothering me at work’ and now you said it was too short!”

“I dunno, just don’t do what ya did last time I guess?!”

“Clyde Logan of you don’t tell me ima buzz all it off!”

“Okay fine then, ask Y/N!”

The both turn towards you, Clyde lookin all worked up and mellie looking annoyed at her brother. You crack a smile and roil your eyes.

“Wet is head down first and then let’s go from there?” You offer.

“Sounds good to me, who’s first?” She replies, looking to all your boys.

“I think we’ll start with mister Matthew, but he’s gonna have to sit on my lap it seems like. He tripped this mornin after bath time, and now he doesn’t wanna go near the floor now.” You sigh, stroking Matts blonde curls.

Matt was very anxious during his haircut, lots of squirming and tears. It’s something that has happened the past couple of times, and you and Clyde were a little concerned. You make a mental note to call the doctor about it. Ben was next and was very good in the chair. He just loved the attention, from Aunt Mellie, Clyde, and you. Kylo was calm too, but his hair grows really slow so he didn’t have much cut.

All three boys had different haircuts, with Kylos the longest and Bens is the shortest, with Matt being in the middle of the two.

Clyde was last to go, you pull up a picture of him from a while back to show Mellie a desired length. Clyde asked to look but both you and his sister declined his request, saying that it was gonna be fine. Clyde argued that it’s his hair and his head so he should be able choose his hair style.

You narrow your eyes at him, “Clyde William Logan I swear on the lord himself, you are actin far worse than the boys right now! Now you need to trust me and your sister and if you don’t we’re gonna just buzz all of it off!” You snap. He sighs in defeat and nods, finally letting go of the whole situation.

After all of the boys had their hair cut and styled, you tried squaring away the bill with your sister in law. That was impossible because all she said “y’all are my family I don’t need to be chargin’ ya’ll!” She laughed.

“You sure? They were extra rowdy I don’t want it to be any trouble to you!” You say, trying to hand her $40.

“oh stop it, you’re gonna start insulting me!” She retorted.

You roll your eyes and put the money back in your wallet. “ Alright then, at least come over for supper one night? It’s the least we can do.” You know mellie can’t resist your beef brisket or your Mac n cheese.

“Oh alright!” She finally agrees.

———

“Darlin are you sure you know where ya goin? I thought cooper and them was on the other side of town,” Clyde commented when you pulled out of the salon.

“No babe they do I just gotta run into the Kroger and grab the chips”

“I thought you was bringing a dessert too?”

“You’re right I am. The boys and I made cookies and brownies yesterday afternoon but I already put them in the back of my car this morning when I woke up. “

“Okay, what kinda cookies y’all bake?”

“Just sugar, the boys helped decorated for about 7 minutes before they got restless so only a few look a little crazy. I did the rest when they went to bed.”

“Ya think I can tell who did what cookies?” Clyde smirks.

“Oh definitely,” you giggle.

Once you guys were pulling into the driveway, you see one of the dogs trailing you to the side of your suv.

“Who is it Clyde? I didn’t catch the fur color too well.” You ask.

“I think it’s Hank, he’s the pointer, right?”

“Yeah he’s the pointer, keep an eye out that he doesn’t get too close to the car.”

“Mommy mommy mommy!” You hear Matt from the back.

“Yes baby what’s the matter?” You glance in the rear view mirror.

“Potty mommy!” He whines.

“Okay okay we’re almost there, you can make it Matt,” you try to encourage him as you pull up to a grassy spot in the side yard.

“If you wanna run him in you can, I’ll try to get everyone else organized.” Clyde offers as you open your door.

“Thank you babe that’d be great,” you say unbuckling Matt.

“Mommy...!” Matt reaches out for you. You grab the diaper bag too and run inside. You say your ‘hey y’all clydes coming in with the boys’ and ‘gimme one second we have a potty situation’ as you b-line it to the powder bathroom with Matthew in you arms.

Before even getting the door closed you see Matt scrunch his face and tense up his body- it was too late. You sigh. Even though he still had his diaper on, you sit him on the toilet to finish and go through with the motion of using the toilet. You still praise him and even flush the toilet together

Matt starts crying when you change him. You have a feeling it’s because he didn’t make it in time again to the toilet. You feel bad for him, you know he is trying his best but he can’t seem to get the hang of letting you or Clyde know in time. It’s just something you will have to work on with him.

“Shh it’s okay baby mommy isn’t upset. I’m happy you let me know you had to go potty,” you try to calm him down. He stops crying after a little bit and you kiss him on the cheek.

You pick Matt up again to carry him to his brothers and the rest of the kids. They were all in the basement playing various things. Ben and kylo were with some older boys playing with trucks. You set Matt down with them and ruffled your other two boys hair before heading back up. All three were entertained with the others so you let them be.

As you headed back up to everyone else you see Clyde talking with cooper and lance. You grab a beer from one of the coolers and walk over to Clyde. He kisses your head and puts his arm around you.

“Didn’t sound good from what I got to hear” he sighed.

“Yeah poor thing didn’t make it again. He needs to tell us sooner, I think he hasn’t connected that he needs to tell us way before versus right before.” You leave it at that.

“Mhmm. I brought everythin in too. Game got pushed to 5:30 cuz rain I think.

“Oh ok.” You respond. You take a sip of beer before properly saying hello to everyone else.

A little into the first quarter you send Clyde down to check on the boys and give them some sippy cups. He comes back up with nothing unusual to report, everyone is still content. With that, you decide to get some food for yourself.

———

At halftime you are talking with Maggie and Carter about the fall carnival at school when you see ben crawling up the stairs and heading straight to you.

“MAMMA MAMMA!!!” He wailed as you picked him up, not sure if he was ok or not.

“Yes little man what’s wrong?” You ask, looking for anything off.

“Food?” He asks, pointing to the counter with all the food.

“Of course baby. Do you know if brothers want food too?” You ask him.

“Yea.” Ben nods, pointing to the other two who were making their way up the stairs too.

You set him back on the ground and walked over to the plates, getting one for each and getting them a few things. All three are at you feet, on their tip toes to see what foods there are. You ignore their begging for straight desserts and chips, and scold at them for trying to reach up for food too.

“Cmon guys, let’s get over to the table” you say as they follow you back to where you were sitting. All three fit on the bench seat together so you helped each one up and gave them their plate. Once they were all eating and have mostly quiet down, you sat back down and took a sip of your beer. Both Maggie and carter looked shocked at what they just watched you orchestrated.

“Girl how in the world do you do it with triplets? It looked like y’all rehearsed this or something before y’all got here! I am so impressed with your patience and mom skills.” Carter laughed.

“Yeah that’s more impressive than the game honestly,” Maggie adds.

“Awe well thanks y’all. I can tell you it’s not always this organized, every once and a while all three seem to be on the same wave length and they’ll listen. And I’m even impressed considering they did not get a chance to nap before getti- Kylo do not grab food off Matt’s plate you have the exact same thing on yours!” You snapped over to the boys.

“See? It’s not always perfect.” You suppressed a giggle.

———

After the game was over, everyone still stayed behind a little while longer to socialize and help clean up. The kids were all back downstairs watching a movie, with most of young ones passed out on the floor with some blankets.

You head downstairs about 10 to see how your boys were. Sure enough they were still up, eyes glued to the tv. Getting them ready for church tomorrow was going to be fun.

You head back up to get Clyde to help you get the kids. He yawns and follows you down, stealing a kiss at the stairs landing. You turn the lights on downstairs and announce to all the kids it time and Clyde added “yea y’all better hurry I heard y’all’s parents are gonna leave without ya!” He says with a straight face. All the kids scramble up to their own parents, all with looks of fear of being left.

“CLYDE WHATCHA TELLIN MY KIDS DOWN THERE??” You two hear lance yell down. Clyde bursts into a roar of laughter.

You and Clyde gather your three and their shoes, which unfortunately happened to be littered all around the basement.

“Momma?”

“Yes kylo?” You respond as you put his other shoe on.

“Go home now?”

“Yes we’re all going home now.”

“Oh okay.”

You get all the boys in their seats and start the car, Clyde still saying his goodbyes to everyone. The boys were overtired and grumpy, Matt surprisingly the worst. Clyde opens the backseat door to put the leftovers on the floor when Matt screams and tries to kick and push Clyde away from him. Ben and kylo start crying as a response.

“Ow- Matthew quit it!!” Clyde says and shuts the door, retreating to the passenger seat. “What in the hell is up with him and the other two?” Clyde asked you.

“No nap today. Get your seatbelt on so we can go. These three need to go to sleep. “ you plead.

The drive home was fun to say the least. All three boys did not fall asleep in the car and were fussy when y’all got home. You get the boys upstairs and ready for bed while Clyde gets them sippy cups of milk.

Once all three were changed for bed, Clyde was upstairs helping you get each one settled in their cribs. Kylo was the first to go down. Once he had his sippy cup he got super sleepy and was asleep in no time. Matt was next and was overtired to the point he didn’t want th lay down. He just stood up in his crib and sobbed, wanting to be picked back. You and Clyde felt bad but knew if you picked him back up it would only make it worse. You kissed his forehead and put his sippy cup in his crib with him and you let him hash it out by himself. Ben was fast asleep in clyde’s arms when he handed him to you. You kiss him on the cheek before setting him down.

With all the baby monitors on and alert, you and your husband head back down to your room. All the monitors were quiet, even Matt’s which meant he gave up and went to sleep. You sigh and kick your boots off, walking in your bathroom to take your makeup off and change out of your clothes. Clyde went off into the kitchen which meant he either went for a glass of milk or a late night snack before bed. You changed into one of his big old T-shirts he doesn’t wear that much. Partially because it’s neon green and well, Clyde doesn’t wanna look like a damn highlighter in public. He only wears it sometimes if he’s doing yard work or sick at home. All the other times it’s in your pajama drawer. Clyde doesn’t understand how that god ugly shirt looks so adorable on you, even if it goes to right above your knees and you practically are swimming in it.

You quietly head to the kitchen to see Clyde halfway through a pb&j. You lean against the island across from him and watch him eat.

“Did you not eat over there during the game?” You ask genuinely curious. Not only was there the typical game day bites, but there were also burgers and hot dogs on the grill.

“I did, I just wanted a little something before bed, wanna a bite?” He offers.

“No thank you, I’ll be in bed. Don’t forget to turn off the lights out here before coming into the bedroom.” You say, standing on your tip toes to kiss his cheek before head you the bedroom.

———

You’re settled in bed on Pinterest when Clyde walks in, leaving a trail of his clothes to the bed wearing only his boxers. He takes his prosthetic arm off and carefully places it on his night stand before getting into bed. You shut your phone off and turn to face Clyde, scooting close to him too. He leans to kiss you and you only scoot even closer to him. You drape an arm over his waist and tangle your legs with his.

“We goin to church tomorrow mornin’?” He asks, his hand starting to wander down your side.

“Not until after lunch for evening service. The boys don’t have bible nursery tomorrow morning and I already said we might not be there until the afternoon,” you say.

Clyde grunts in satisfaction with your answer. He was hoping to not have to wake up early for church.

His hand settles for your hip and he kisses your forehead. You exchange I love yous and both of you fall asleep rather quickly, in each other’s arms.

You two are both awakened to the crying coming from a monitor. You roll onto your back and rub your eyes before looking to see which child it is. You look and see it from bens, so you head upstairs to see what the fuss is all about, Clyde close behind you. Coming into his room you see his stuffed animal fell out of the crib, away from his reach. You pick up the toy and pick up ben too, kissing him on the cheek. He wraps an arm around your neck and holds the stuffed animal with the other, when you see Clyde walk in after checking the other two.

He mouths an “all good” with a thumb up, indicating Matt and kylo were still asleep. Ben quickly falls back asleep in your arms, so you put him back in his crib and head back downstairs with Clyde.

Back in bed, Clyde laid on his back while you curled up under his arm. You two fell back to sleep almost instantly.

———

The next morning, you are woken up by Clyde sliding into bed-with kylo in his arms. You blink again to see if you were still sleeping, but sure enough Clyde was putting kylo down in your bed, with ben and Matt, who were also still sleeping You close you eyes and try to fall back asleep for a little bit longer. Ben woke up first, Clyde picking him up and holding him on his lap.

“Daddy, mommy sleeping?” You hear Ben ask.

“Yeah buddy we gotta stay quiet for mommy” Clyde replied, whispering and putting a finger over his lips for him to be quiet. Ben nods.

You managed to doze back off for about 45 minutes until you feel someone crawl over you.

Barely open an eye to see its kylo, staring intensely at your face.

“Mamma? You sleeping?” He asks, poking your cheek.

“Yes baby, mommy is sleeping!” You exaggerate and flip over to you back and cover your eyes and loudly fake snore. You hear three little giggles you continue to loudly snore until you feel the other two crawl on top of you. All three were bursting with laughter as they sat on top of you. You finally exaggerate a yawn and a stretch, rubbing your eyes and acting completely surprised when to see the boys on top of you.

“What are ALL three of y’all doin!? How’d y’all get in mommy and daddy’s bed?!” You say with a fake surprised voice and look up at your husband. Clyde looked away towards the window and took an innocent sip of coffee.

————

For a moment, you thought about just not going to church today. You could say Clyde or one of the boys are sick, or even yourself. The idea was nice, but wouldn’t sit well with your conscience as the day went on. Clyde was in a good mood today, something you rarely see on a Sunday. He never cared too much for church, thought it was a waste of a day for getting dressed and then being packed into a room with people. A lot of Sunday’s it was just you and the boys who went to morning service, with Clyde showing up for lunch and afternoon activity/service. Clyde would get home at sometimes 3 in the morning from the bar so you let him sleep in.

“Babe you want me to get you coffee? Clyde offers, you nod in response. The 5 of y’all were still in bed, all cuddled up watching a Disney movie. The boys wanted to watch Tangled- for about the 15th time this past month.

“Momma? Has some?” Matt asks you, pointing at the coffee Clyde just handed you.

“No baby you can’t have any,” you calmly reply, taking a sip yourself.

“Why?” Matt presses, pouting a little.

“It’s very hot and not good for little boys” you answer.

“Why?” He asks again. You sigh, ready to answer again when Clyde butts in.

“Mommy said no Matthew,” he sternly warns him, knowing this may develop into a tantrum or the other two will get involved. It’s the later.

Ben and kylo turn to you and Clyde, now curious to try both of your coffees, with Matt still wanting the coffee too.

You look at Clyde dead in the eyes and raise a brow. “You’re coffee cooled down?” You ask him. He narrowed his eyes at you and nods, not sure of your little scheme. Clyde takes his coffee black, while you on the other hand have cream and heaps of sugar. You know if the boys tried yours they would enjoy it but if they had your husbands they most certainly would not ask to try it again for a long time.

“Alright alright y’all win, you can try Daddy’s coffee! But be careful, it’s a little hot!” You warn and Clyde hands you his mug. “Matthew you can try it first ok?” You say as Matt scoots up to you. You grab the spoon from your mug and swirl it around clydes coffee before gathering a small sip on the spoon for Matt. He took an eager sip and immediately spit it back out, all over your pajamas. He scrunches his face and you start to see some waterworks. You smile ever so slightly and Clyde chuckles and takes his coffee back. You hold Matt’s face and look at him. “See baby? Mommy said you wouldn’t like it, but you wanted to try it, which is ok! I’m glad you tried it, now you know that it’s icky.” You praise him. He nods and hugs your arm.

“Kylo? Ben? Do you want to try daddy’s coffee?” You ask the other two, both surprisingly nodding. With Matt still holding onto your arm you have Clyde hold the coffee mug while you used the spoon to feed them the coffee. Kylo just made a sour face and pushed the spoon and mug away after he tried it. Ben took the whole spoonful and spit it up on you, then threw a fit.

“Benjamin why are you upset? Was it daddy’s coffee?” You ask, watching him roll around sobbing. You see him nod a little. “Is there a way mommy or daddy can help?” He nods again. “Baby use your words so we know what you want,” you encourage him. He lifts his head from the bed and rubs his face.

“Cuddles... Daddy,” he finally says.

“You want to cuddle with daddy?” You confirm.

“Yea,”

“C’mere bud,” Clyde offers his arm and pulls Ben into his lap. Clyde kisses his forehead once he settles. Kylo decided he wanted in on this family cuddle pile and makes his way right in between you and Clyde. Matt stopped crying too and was still curled up in your lap. You still had spit up coffee on your shirt. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling but you ignored it because you and your family were cozy, watching the same Disney movie for the umpteenth time and you wouldn’t trade this moment for the world.

[thefudge]

thoughts on elite season 2

- idk why but i found this season more engaging than the first which i only watched fragments of because i couldn’t be arsed to care about certain plotlines, but season 2 made me care about almost everyone? well, almost. but it was far more compelling anyway. 

-lucrecia/lu is turning out to be a Problematic Fave. she’s probably one of the more complex characters on the show. despite how wretched she can be,  i like how deeply she wants to be “seen” and understood and i def felt bad for her about guzman (oh, and we’ll get to him, ugh). her back and forth with valerio was both compelling and a little frustrating (valerio himself was both compelling and frustrating). i don’t think the writers put that much thought into it, but i liked the undercurrent of sadness in their bond which was far more interesting than the forbidden aspect (but yea ok, that was also hot, yall know me lol). the actors sold it pretty well. and that oscar wilde quote <3 incidentally, valerio reminds me of a romanian actor/singer who also starred in an incest-based drama awhile back.  but i have to say, one thing that really jumped out at me is how much of a secret gay lucrecia is. she has so much gay energy with almost every girl she comes up against, rebeca and nadia especially, it’s insane. every time she interacts with one of the dudes it’s so weak (except with valerio, but that dynamic is not so straightforward). whenever i see her sexy-whispering to some guy it feels like she’s faking it, like she’s being a vindictive but ultimately domesticated doll. and i think she knows this too and the performance wears her down. whereas she seems to come alive with women. her obsession with being betrayed and ignored and unloved by men might also stem from the fact that no man can ever give her what she truly wants. she’s def closeted imo, and her lil friendship with omar makes so much sense in that context too. petition to give lu a gilfriend in season 3, preferably rebeca.  

- rebeca, however, is the true MVP of the season for me. omg. i love!!! her!!! so!!! much!!!  i was SO MAD everyone slept on this grl!!! she’s funny and smart and brash and loyal and sweet and justasdfgdfsda NO ONE DESERVES HER. i also think her chemistry with lu should be explored further. (i wanna write fic where rebeca and lu make out at the halloween party after lu gets dumped)

- polo is also a Problematic Fave, even though i hope he goes down lol. i really like how the actor plays him as both volatile and fragile, like a stubborn asshole but also a sniveling brat who wants to be “redeemed” on his own terms. 

- i  can’t say i cared all that much about cayetana and her “maria del bario” subplot, i mean i didn’t feel all that sorry for her, but i do like the sharp edges given to her character. and while polo/cayetana is not that interesting to me, their bonnie and clyde shenanigans promise to be a lot of fun. it makes a lot of sense that she would be the one to help him, not only because of his kindness to her, but primarily because she likes taking things. literally. she seems desperately hungry for whatever polo can offer. 

-  omar/ander was sweet as always, and i liked their ups and downs and their more emotional moments, but good god was ander a petty asshole. when omar dressed up as dr. frank-n-furter and ander was being a tool about it and the others were shaming him for, u know, having a cool costume for halloween, i was like “omar, bby, you gotta stop hanging out with uncultured swine”. that being said, ander keeping polo’s secret for so long beggared belief. i understand the impossible scenario he was in and i like that they showed the inner turmoil but...yikes, it’s murder, dude.

- samuel/carla was...fine. i liked some of their more intense scenes, feeding off each other’s anger, plus the manipulations and the mindfuckery, but it was still lacking in substance for me. i also think carla becomes less interesting around him, whereas samuel has sort of grown up this season. idk, i’m ambivalent. 

and finally...

- nadia & guzman. SIGHHHHhhhhhhhhh. the couple & characters i was most looking forward to ended up being the most disappointing part of this season for me. i kind of hate them now. okay, maybe not hate them, but i am deeply annoyed. i think nadia was poorly written this season. i have no clue who this girl is, what she really wants, what she believes in. she was made to react in a certain way or do things just to carry the plot forward or to give the viewers some steamy scenes. literally, i was so frustrated with her and the lack of internal logic. even her confession to her parents at the end and their heartfelt hug felt hollow and unearned. and guzman, oh gaaaawwwwd, this douchebag and his constant edgy angst, i get iiiiiit, we get iiiiit, i just wanted him to be dooone. i really disliked him, even when they were framing him as troubled romantic hero. the nadia/guzman scenes were absolutely rushed, i’m sorry. their first kiss??? while nadia was super drunk and we get that weird disco editing that hides both their faces and it’s so fake-artsy and devoid of feeling and underwhelming??? NOPE. i thought this would be a big deal for nadia, for both of them actually, but when i saw how quickly they rushed into it i was disappointed. most of their interactions lacked that special intimacy they had in season 1. like yeah, the chemistry was there, but the angst felt manufactured, cuz i guess both he and nadia have no problem cheating and doing whatever the hell they want.  i also found it laughable that not even 15 minutes into the first episode guzman immediately tells her about the deal he made with her father...which cheapened the whole thing. i really thought that deal would carry weight and mean something....welp, guess not. all the interesting and significant obstacles they built around these characters were now revealed as a deck of playing cards. when halfway thru the season guzman lamented how he couldn’t be with nadia due to societal constraints i laughed out loud because clearly, that’s a surface problem for them. nadia does not seem at all attached to her faith and culture, so really, what’s to stop them from being together? her family? i don’t buy it. and my problem isn’t that nadia wants to break away from her muslim heritage and be with guzman; my problem is that we don’t know what the hell she wants and it doesn’t seem to matter. once upon a time i thought she cared a lot about her schoolwork and future career...but that seems to take a backseat for the guzman drama. halfway thru the season she doesn’t hang out with rebeca and omar anymore, and it’s just...disheartening to see her be all about this really mediocre dude. not even her budding friendship with valerio goes anywhere, which was a shame. others have talked about the troubling narrative of “westernizing” nadia and portraying it as the solution to her problems and while i think the show isn’t ready to push that agenda, i also feel like they have no fucking clue who this character is. anyway, i will stop here, but i’m genuinely disappointed and idk if this can be remedied in season 3. 

so overall, i enjoyed this season more, but boyyy did it disappoint where i was most expectant 

[harveywritings92]

This Life is mine: Jacob Frye x OC

The following is a non profit fan based story Assassin's creed belongs to Ubisoft please support the official release.

_

I gain no profit from this nor do I own anything other then OCs  and whatever sprouts from my imagination. Thanks for reading!

[Elliott "Ellie" Addison Morgan novice assassin also a daughter and victim of a Templar wannabe. Was raised to be her father's perfect little doll, Elliott knew nothing but scorn and disapproval from her father, who viewed her as nothing more then a bargaining chip to marry off and increase his social status, just like her sister who is now missing, Elliott would be damned if she going end up like her sister, especially when she found out her father planned to wed her to Crawford Starrick, she escaped and stowed-away on a train not thinking it was occupied by a couple of Assassins...]

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She did it... she actually did it! Elliott wanted to laugh out loud and scream with joy from the rooftops that she was free! She was finally free! the brunette had her doubts that her plan would work, but it did!

She knew her father wanted Starrick's approval so badly and his bullheaded thirst to win, caused his fat head to be shoved so far up his own ass; he wouldn't have noticed that his own daughter had switched places with a maid!

Elliott slowed down pulled the brown trench coat closer to body adjusted her hat when someone ran passed her, she when she was sure the coast was clear she used eagle vision to follow the clues to the hiding spot where Clyde had hid her gear, The blue eyed girl smiled when she found it, grabbed the suitcase and ran down the street towards the train station.

Elliott's smile faltered a bit when she saw the empty terminal save for a single train, she quietly approached a man who appeared to be the repair man, Elliott hesitated before the sounds of her father's search party got closer in the distance. "Hey are there seats available?" She asked quickly causing the man to jump by her sudden appearance.

"Wha-What" the man stammered "Seats man, are there any seats available?"the blue eyed woman asked glancing over her shoulder the back at the man who looked very confused. "Uh, no this a private train ma'am it don't-" Elliott handed him a stunning sum of money about 200 pounds, the man eyes bugged out of his skull and counted it before nodding. "Alright, you can hide out in the fourth car, no one uses it. but if we get caught? you're on your own." He said leading her to the unused storage car he unlocked it and helped Elliott inside.

"Thank you." the man just nodded and closed the door leaving Elliott alone in the dark and with her thoughts, Soon she felt the train lurch as it started to move away from the station, Elliot wasn't sure how she sat there staring out the small window at the sky or how long it had been since she'd escaped, but soon she sighed contently and drifted off to sleep.

the following morning Agnes was was and ready to switch her shift with Bob when she found him looking like a kid on Christmas counting a wad of cash, her brow furrowed as she approached him "Where'd you get that money?" she demanded as he tried to hide the notes behind his back. "Uh, I found it?" the portly woman wasn't having it! she held her hand out and Bob pouted and reluctantly handed the money over she counted and gawked the amount.

"There's over 200 pounds here! where did yo-" The Frye twins who overheard the commotion came to see what the problem was? Agnes explained how she just came to switch with Bob and found him counting a wad of notes, Both were stunned at the amount and asked how he obtained it? The engineer stuck to his guns that he found it! But the twins clearly weren't buying it, After going back and fourth Bob finally gave in.

"Car four, she's in car four...Can I have my money back?"

"No." Both Evie and Jacob huffed as the male twin pocketed the cash in his jacket intending to give it back to whoever snuck onto their train...Then kick them off. "Aww.." Bob moaned dismayed before Agnes berated him that it served him right taking money from strangers and letting them stowaway on Bertha.

Both Jacob and Evie were hesitant about entering the car they weren't sure what to expect, Jacob went in first much to his sister's annoyance, they were both highly skilled assassin's she didn't need him protecting her! But that didn't stop him from trying. Both scanned the dusty car for any signs of someone life, before Evie's eyes landed on a small figure curled up between two crates, she nudged her brother who followed her gaze.

The two found the figure to be a sleeping girl around their age maybe younger, with brown wavy hair wearing a worn out brown jacket and maid's uniform sleeping without a care in the world hugging a suitcase to her side. Both twins looked at each other before Jacob tapped the girl in the ribs with his foot. "Oi you, time to wake up!" he ordered the girl gasped and her eyes fluttered opened looked around confused as Evie yanked her brother back.

"You could've just asked her to wake-up, you didn't need to kick her!"

"I didn't kick her! I tapped her, there's difference!"

The two argued hospitality methods as Elliott awkwardly watched them, she assumed Braids and Top-hat were the owners of the train she had snuck on to for the night, not really sure how to talk to them she just kind of stayed quiet, until she felt sneeze coming on she let it loose both twins turned to her and barked. "Bless you!" then went back to arguing before Jacob remembered what they were doing and shook his head. "Wait no, not bless you! Who are you?" the male twin demanded as his sister butted in "And why are you on our train?" Looks like Elliott's assumptions were correct before she could answer the door to the car opened and Henry walked in.

"Ah, So this is were the two of...Elliott?! the Indian assassin exclaimed pointing at the the brunette who in turn pointed back at him "Henry?!" causing the top-hat man to laugh "Jacob!" he quipped while pointing at himself then he got elbowed in the ribs by his sister."You know her?" Evie asked to the stunned man who nodded immediately pulled the short girl into hug. "Yes, she's Elliott Morgan an Assassin...But how did you?" pulled away then noticed her suitcase and outfit.

"Maybe we should explain this in the study?" He suggested as the twins followed them, Elliott removed the old trench coat showing off a large hand shaped bruise on her arm as she sat down across from Henry who frowned when he saw it, Elliott covered it with her over hand, the twins shifted uncomfortable. "What happened?" The brunette shrugged "A parting gift from Aric..." She hissed out her father's name out venomously, Henry told her to elaborate, the brunette sighed a slouched in her seat. "Let's see about three weeks ago..."

{My father called me into his study, I assumed he was upset about some mundane thing that his paranoid mind saw as offensive! Maybe he saw me moving some lose hair out of my face or holding a damn book wrong? Who knows! everything I did always seem to set him off...anyhow, He explained that St. James concert hall had contacted him, They invited me to sing for their 10th anniversary and charity event, and that I should start preparing for the big night.  

Rejection was not an option with my father, but my suspicions were irked and he wouldn't stop trying to pick out songs that he wanted, And you course know he's never been the charitable sort unless it benefited him in some way, nor was he ever interested in my singing. So stupid me had to ask "Are you asking if I'd like to sing? or ordering me to sing?" He was not happy when I said that way he looked at me still causes me freeze up. "Don't you ever speak to me like that again...Or I'll-" I don't want to think about what he was going to say, his secretary interrupted us.

He snapped at me to go practice and when the big night came around, I found out why he had accepted the invitation, and push me to nearly losing my voice for an otherwise calm event. it wasn't just a charity event! It was also a congratulatory party for my engagement to Crawford Starrick... I remember feeling sick as my father led me to the Templar's grand master! I felt disgusted,angry and just devastated that this was happening a second time...He did the same thing to my sister...I saw what she went through and I didn't want it!

So, I took a risk! I tried to sneak away while he Crawford were talking about dates and business, he saw me and grabbed my wrist hard trying to keep me from leaving I told him I was just going to get a drink, and he let me go,Then I ran into Susanne. [ Henry grimaced hearing that name, having met that beastly bigot of a woman before; she left a very unfavorable impression in the Indian assassin.] Yes...that Susanne the snobby maid who fell in love with "Showroom Aric" as I call my father's public face. practically worships the ground he walks on, and thinks I was just being an ungrateful rotten brat to my dear sweet father! She was extra nasty that night, of course I ignored her... and was more focused on her body thought. "Ey, we're about the same size and build..."

So, I asked if she wanted to get up close to my father? She took me into a back room and we switched clothes, luckily it was a masquerade party so no one noticed. I ran out the back and straight into my butler and assassin mentor Clyde. The old man knew about the engagement before I did, he didn't tell me because I'd panic, and tip my father off that I was gonna run. Clyde knows I do my best thinking when time and the odds are stack high against my favor, He saw me switch places with the maid and knew the game was on, He gave me his hat and his jacket and told me he had feeling I going do something drastic. and told me where he stashed a suitcase I had hidden in my closet ages ago! Found it and then I made my way to the train station...}    

"...And that's how I got here." Elliott said pointing at car floor as Henry and the Frye twins took in her story Henry was was obviously relieved, Evie's reaction was one pity and distrust, Which didn't surprise Elliott in the least; Since she just confessed to being Crawford Starrick's Fiancee. While Jacob's reaction seemed...Well, the brunette didn't really know what to make of his expression, There was some distrust. but it was overshadowed by fascination and zeal, Maybe? The blue eyed girl wasn't too sure as she was really used seeing someone look at her like that.

"And what of mentor McCormick?" Henry voice broke her stare off with Jacob to answer her friend "Clyde? he did a good job at hiding our lessons..." The Indian arched brow knowing full well that there was a But coming."But, father is starting to get suspicious, it would seem my odd hours of staying out and waking up late was starting to get on his nerves." She winced recalling her father throwing a tantrum for her yawning during a business meeting, one of his clients and accusing her of sneaking off with men and embarrassing the family by whoring around. "No surprises he started limiting my time outside and kept me locked in the library or my room to teach me a lesson." She hissed answering Henry's next question as to why the novice suddenly stopped taking contracts and disappeared.

"And you're sure he didn't see you leave?" Henry asked cautiously just wanting to make sure no Templars were coming knocking their door down. "Positive, Daddy dearest was so sure that his submissive little doll was nothing without him, so he let me out of his sight for that split second, it was enough for me come up wit plan A." Elliott purred with a grin obviously picturing how pissed her father must've been when he found out he'd been had! and that ice cold bucket of reality Susanne got slapped with probably shattered her image of Aric forever.

"Oh-ho!~ I'll bite Girly, What was plan B?" Jacob suddenly chimed in on the edge of his seat obviously enjoying the new girl's on the dime quick-wittedness. "Start a fire get lost in the panic and just wing it from there!" she shrugged rubbing the back of her head with slight frown causing the man the chuckle he looked at Henry while pointing at the short girl. "I like her, she's alrig-" He yanked back by his sister who was clearly paranoid about their guest.

"Miss Morgan was it?" Evie asked causing the brunette to nodded. "Though you may be one of us, you're still tied the Templars so you'll have be monitored until such time as passed-" She was cut off by her brother who clearly upset with his sister's assumption. "What the hell Evie? She escaped one cage and now you want to put her in another one?!" He exclaimed in disbelief at what he was hearing the girl obviously escaped a monster and came to them for sanctuary only to be told we don't trust you, that's just not fair!

"I have agree with your brother miss Frye, I've know Lily for-" Henry threw his hand over his mouth, Elliot blanched as Evie slowly turned to Henry clearly affronted "Jacob take your novice and go..." she hissed as her brother blinked incredulously "My novice?... Wha-" His sister's icy tone silenced him. "Now..." Jacob jumped to his feet "Right, let's go Girly!" He grabbed Elliott's arm and dragged her to his car, leaving Henry to deal with Evie and whatever crawled up her backside.

The two could hear the muffled arguing as Jacob proudly showed his apparent student off to the Rooks, before showing her around his room, the brunette looked around as the curiosity started gnawing at him "So, what exactly was that back there?" he inquired while Elliott looked through some hidden blade sketches on his desk, The brunette blushed before gesturing for him to come down to her level and she whispered it to him, Jacob's green eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

"YOU AND GREENIE USED BE ENGAGED?!?!" he bellowed loud enough to be heard throughout the train causing a few Rooks outside to stumble or spit their drinks out. "t-That's just arg...h-How old are you? 14-16?!" he stammered Elliott looked at him oddly "I'll be twenty in three months!..do I really look that young?" She asked unsure if she should be offended or flattered?

Jacob's mouth hung open as he gave her a once over, he didn't how answer that. "I-it's that coat! it makes you look tiny!" he sputtered gestured at Clyde's jacket, Elliott brow furrowed and went to take it off, only for Jacob to to stiffen and the back of his neck heat up. He hadn't realized how short the maid uniform was [the skirt stops just passed her knees and she wearing stockings], or how tight it was in the chest area; he swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat and immediately pulled the jacket back on, causing his novice to give him a look that screamed what the hell? Jacob backed away and coughed "Let's sort that out later, and figure out sleeping arrangements shall we?"

They came to an understanding that Elliott will have his couch and half his cart; considering Evie was still pouting and wasn't a huge fan of Elliott at the moment speaking of which..."Who names their daughter Elliott?" the male Frye twin asked genuinely curious as Elliott's lips twitched "The same man who thought he had control over gender, and was sure my older sister and I were going to be boys." Jacob suddenly had the urge to apologize, But the brunette continue. "He eventually did get his boy, Issac father's favorite little parrot." She spat looking exhausted and listless just thinking about the boy.

She explained that both her brother and father had this gift of sucking the life out of someone just by sheer thought. "I think that's why Starrick hasn't initiated them into the order, but likes to keep him around, y'know? just to have a laugh at how many days Aric & his son can ruin in one hour or less?" That caused Jacob to stall.

"Wait, so your father isn't a Templar?"

"No, he more like their stooge, Starrick's been stringing him a long for years, and my father is a narcissistic fool."

"But why would he agree to marry you, if he's just playin' with your father?"

"I wondered that myself, until I remembered reading through my mother's journal, Turns out Starrick and my mother were sweet on each other back in the day, Till my father weaseled his way into my grandfather's favor and soon after forced my parents into marriage..."

Jacob stomach suddenly did flops and not in a good way, Starrick couldn't have the mother so he'd settle for his ex-lover's daughter as some kind of  substitute? "I get wanting a young bride, but your ex's daughter?" He shuddered in disgust just when he thought Templars couldn't get any worst. "I'm just glad I've never crossed paths with him until yesterday." Elliott grimaced not wanting to think what would've happened if her father gotten desperate before she had joined the Assassins and tried curry favor with Starrick when she was younger...just like he did to her sister and Roth.

"I'm trying not to think about it, haven forbid if they ever find me." she muttered Jacob patted Elliott on the shoulder nearly knocking her over. "They won't touch you Girly, I promise." He assured before springing up from the couch "Now let's do a bit scouting show me how much you know little novice!" Jacob winked before leading Elliott off the train on her first training mission.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[[ Elliott's older sister is named Campbell Joseph Morgan five years older then Elliott and usually goes by "Belle" she was married off to Roth when she was only 15; Elliott hasn't seen her sister in four years and doesn't even know if she's alive or not!

Then there's their younger brother...His name is Issac Douglas Morgan, and their father's favorite he's a spoiled brat who looks down on his siblings and verbally abuses his older sister when he doesn't get his way!

Much like their father his name is Aric Peter Morgan [nee Sinclair.] their father surname wasn't Morgan he married into the Morgan family, and runs their trading and sweet company like a goddamn dictator, worker safety is at a low and equipment is in somewhat poor maintenance, their financial choices have been in a gray area as of late.

Elliott believes that Starrick is trying to manipulate her father into adding the same drug in his syrup to their candy, surprisingly her father has been as of late; very hesitant about the idea.

So when Starrick seemed like he was losing interest and going to cut Aric lose, he offered Crawford Elliott's hand in marriage! Knowing full well Starrick was his dead wife's ex lover. And has seen the way the Templar's grand master has been eyeing his youngest daughter, Starrick and Aric wasted no time cutting a deal. Good thing they didn't take into account of Elliott's cunning wit and a pair of meddlesome twin assassin's being thrown into the mix.]]    

[kisathemistress]

Some South Park Headcanons I have

(Because I’m falling for the series again!)

The four main characters:

Kyle Broflovski: 

His personality makes it almost impossible for him to let things go, if it means making someone (other than Cartman) upset or sad. He just want as many people as possible to be happy around him, because if they aren’t he feels like he has failed them. 

This comes from his strict upbringing his parents gave him and from studying/knowing everything (including religious various beliefs) thus he lives his life by the golden rule: “Do not do unto others, that you do not want done to you.”

He believes highly in karma as well, especially the Wiccan belief of karma. Where if you do something kind you will be rewarded with 3 times the kindness, but if you do something hurtful you will be punished with 3 times the misfortune.

Despite being Jewish and claiming his pride with the religion, Kyle doesn’t follow any of the practices most Jewish people do. He willingly eats pork and sometimes attends/helps the local Roman Catholic church (but this could be do to the town only having one church and most of his friends go there.)

Unlike Scott, Kyle’s diabetes isn’t as serious and he can get away with eating something with extra sugars in it without going into diabetic shock. Though he does carry emergency insulin just incase.

Kyle is aromantic and bisexual. He doesn’t know how to react to intimacy or pick up clues that someone likes him “in that way”, he just assumes all positive contact with him is platonic in nature. He has to be directly told that someone is in love with him for him to understand why they are being overly nice to him.

Since he is only an 9/10 year old, he isn’t aware full of his own sexuality, thus acts the way he thinks a “normal boy” should behave. Despite constantly giving away that he isn’t “normal” by his own definition.

Also he still has his pet Elephant, but it has been moved to a Zoo for a breeding program. He goes to visit it him occasionally and is a junior Zookeeper at the park. He’s going to be officially hired to work there part-time once he’s in high school.

Stan Marsh:

He still does drink, but not to the extent that his father does nor does he get blackout drunk anymore. He’s cut back a lot thanks to going to AA, but is struggling with the 12 step program do to his father leaving alcohol in his reach, and offering him alcohol. He’s also the kid that pulls drinks for his friends and for parties, as both his father and uncle Jimbo will buy it for him if he asks.

Stan tries his best to be vegetarian but has no problem with eating meat as long as he doesn’t witness the slaughter and preparation of the animal. (Including fish.) Blood makes him squeamish, and he becomes overly emotional when he sees an animal in distress.

Even though Stan is straight, when he’s drunk he’ll sleep with anybody. Drunk Stan also believes Kyle is his boyfriend and will run to him for comfort. This normally confuses Kyle, especially when Stan rejects everything when he is sober. It part of the reason Wendy decided that she is genderfluid and created Wendyl, thinking it will keep Stan from “wandering” away from her.

Stan is very proud of his gay dog Sparky. He willingly takes him to gay pride parades and events, and voices his support for his dog. 

He still owns that poodle he bought, which he found out was a toy poodle.

If his parents didn’t limit Stan to only 2 dogs, he would have a pack of at least 6, that he’d have follow him everywhere. He instantly can become friends with any dog he meets and feels heartbroken when he can’t take them home.

Stan knows different wolf howls and behaviors, he can almost instantly tell you what a wolf or a dog is trying to tell you. If he ever gets lost in the forest around town. he knows how to find the local wolf/coyote pack to keep himself company.

Out of all the boys, Stan would be the first to go feral if they were abandoned by their parents/society.

Kenny McCormick:

Is literally an Elder God, but only is aware of his immortality. He can’t remember what other powers he has or how to activate them. His real father is Cthulhu, and he hates him.

Kenny cares very deeply for his little sister Karen and older brother Kevin. When he has extra money, he will always buy them something nice. Like a new doll for Karen or powdered doughnuts from the convenience store to share with Kevin, because it’s their favorite treat.

Even though he will do nearly anything for money, he draws the line at eating Hot Rods. (Unless of course eating them would bring his family out of poverty or something...)

Kenny is genderfluid and pansexual. Mostly because he doesn’t care who he sleeps with, especially if their is money involved. Also wearing girl clothing occasionally was at first so he could had it down to Karen, but now he’d proudly admits he does like the look and feel of women’s clothing on him.

He has had pet rats, a pet possum, and raccoon. Currently he’s raising a baby flying squirrel he found abandoned in his yard, and nursing a robin who has a broken wing.

He wants to be a veterinarian when he grows up.

Eric Cartman:

Never thinks things through, and always pays for his schemes one way or another.

Still has a horde of stuffies he keeps in his room and sleeps with. Even having tea parties with them, when his “friends” don’t want to play.

Is an asshole towards Kyle, because he has unrequited feelings for him, but doesn’t want Kyle to know. Most of his plans fall through, because he really doesn’t want to hurt or push Kyle away.

Knows that he should watch his weight and eat better, but subconsciously wants to get diabetes from his obesity so he can be just like Kyle and Scott. He hates that they get special attention to their medical problems at school and thus don’t have to participate in certain exercises in gym.

Cartman is sex repulsed, but is secretly gay. He can’t stand the thought of actually having sex with anyone and believes all intimate contact is rape. 

He once broke up Craig and Tweek when he spotted them kissing at Stark’s Pond, then went on a rant of how Craig was taking advantage of his boyfriend, scaring Tweek into thinking he got all of the STDs.

Kyle has force Cartman to clean up “Zaron” all by himself before, after Cartman broke too many rules they came up with after the Stick of Truth was thrown in Stark’s Pond. Although, Cartman made Butters do it for him instead, when Kyle went home.

Four other boys:

Tweek Tweak:

Wasn’t aware his parent’s put meth and other drugs in his coffee to test the blends into being their customers addicted, until Craig discovered what Mr. Tweak was doing. Though Tweek is too scared to report his parents, Craig has used it as a threat to get Tweek expensive things, like videogames and new brand named clothes.

Tweek is a wonderful cook and baker. He wants to change the Tweak Bros. Coffee, into a restaurant kind of like Tim Hortons, where they serve both coffee and homemade food. Though he is too scared to ask his father to put in a proper kitchen in the back of the store, for him to use. Instead he has convinced his mother to sell his famous cupcakes, he bakes at home.

Even without the coffee and drugs, Tweek would still have his twitching tick. It only acts up when he is stressed out. When he is calm, it’s barely noticeable.

Before he bought Stripe #4 for Craig, he was terrified of rodents, after he fell in love with Guinea Pigs and occasionally will discuss proper rodent care with Kenny. 

Though now he fears that Craig might eat Stripe one day, do to Guinea Pigs being a delicacy in Peru and not knowing what happened to the other three Guinea Pigs Craig has had before Stripe #4. That’s why Stripe is kept over at his house on weekends and not a Craig’s 24/7.

Tweek has a parrot named “Coffee Crisp”, because it’s his favorite snack and the first words the parrot learned. His parent’s bought Tweek Coffee Crisp, to help keep his paranoia in check. 

Coffee Crisp will repeat goverment conspiracy theories do to that fact Tweek listens to them on the radio in his room at night. Coffee Crisp also knows the name of over 150 different types of coffee related products.

Craig gave Tweek a hand knitted Chullo and shall that matched his own, but in green, for his birthday. Tweek is afraid he will ruin them if he wears them, so he only wore the outfit for a day before permanently hanging it up in his closet.

Tweek was questioning his sexuality, but has always been gay. He was just too paranoid about other things to focus long enough to realize this.

Craig Tucker:

Although he behaves like he doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything, he cares deeply on the inside for his friends. He believes showing emotion is weakness and prefers to internalize everything.

He has broken down in front of only two people ever in his life. The first being Clyde after Strip #2 had died, and the second being Tweek.

Craig is aware he is adopted and his native homeland is in Peru. He’s half white and half Peruvian native, and was sent to the US for adoption after people started trying to worship him as the Guinea God.

He’s also aware that he is a god and has god-like abilities. He just doesn’t like to use them and prefers to live a “normal” mortal life. He is aware of Kenny being an Elder God and his immortality. He’s willing to teach Kenny how to be responsible with his powers if he ever find out how to use them.

Craig has eaten Cavy and knows how to make traditional Peruvian dishes that use it, do to being a deity in his homeland. He likes it on occasion, but would never eat a Guinea Pig that he intends to keep as a pet and has buried his previous Guinea Pigs in the back garden of his home. He even had little funerals for them where his friends attended.

Craig likes to knit and will spend hours in his room listening to music and knitting. He hides this from his dad, because it’s not a “manly” hobby. Though every christmas he gives his family handmade sweaters, scarves, mittens, and socks, as gifts.

He doesn’t like coffee like Tweek, but his favorite drink is French Vanilla Cappuccinos. Which he has with whipped cream added, do to his sweet tooth.

Craig can’t dance, but tries to at parties and has fun regardless at his failed attempts. It makes Tweek laugh anyway.

Finally like Tweek’s twitching, flipping people off is a tick Craig had developed. Do to internalizing all of his thoughts and feelings, he automatically flips the bird when he feels upset or angry over someone or thing.

Clyde Donovan

Is just as pervy as Kenny, but is straight. 

He has problems with over expressing his emotions and is always crying about something. He uses Craig as his emotional support constantly, and sometimes will sit eating ice cream and watching romance movies alone.

He is embarrassed by his colostomy bag and only his friends (and Mr. Macky) know about it. He has one do to surviving rectal cancer when he was five.

He wants to own his own mexican themed restaurant when he is older or a Taco Bell. He was very disappointed when the government canceled building a giant Taco Bell during the events of the Stick of Truth.

His favorite Raisins girl is Lexus and always request her to be his host when he eats there. He wants to ask her out, but is too scared she will reject him.

When the kids play “The Kingdom of Zaron” now, Clyde remains as a separate third faction and the main “antagonist” of the game, when the humans and elves aren’t fighting each other. He rules over all the kids that want to be “monsters” or non-human or non-elf. Humans and elves can join his side if they proved to be “evil” enough.

Clyde has worn women's clothing for fun before. He likes flowy skirts and dresses. He wants to go to prom one day in a dress and maybe convince his future wife to let him wear the bride’s gown to their wedding.

Whenever he hears that Tweek is having a “backing meltdown” he gets excited, since Tweek makes too much and usually shares by giving him three boxes of baking. He hides this from his dad who want him to be careful of his weight.

Token Black:

Likes to buy expensive things for Nicole and his friends. He has no idea the value of money and genuinely gets confused when his friend say they or their parents can’t afford something.

Kenny McCormick creeps him out, and he thinks his family just chooses to live in a garbage dump. Though he does get along with Karen McCormick and had bought her lunch a few times, since he thinks it’s cruel for her parents to not give her money or food for school.

He is the second person Clyde will run to when he is upset, though unlike Craig, he dosen’t really know how to react or comfort Clyde. He normally just stands there with Clyde crying in his shoulder, awkwardly patting his back saying “there, there...” until Clyde feels better.

Contrary to belief (and Cartman) Token doesn’t like listening to Beyonce or hip hop type music. He actually likes listening to old folk music and polkas. 

Weird Al Yankovic is his favorite entertainer and “Just Eat it” is his favorite song by him.

Token sometimes says racist things against his white friends by accident. After which he profusely apologizes if he catches himself or someone calls him out on it.

He rather play chess than play football or basketball.

[honeylikewords]

I am going to be that person, but could you post some sad/angsty headcanons about our Clyde? And please end it with some goofy and sweet ones. Please and thank you!

oh god im,,,, im so bad at Angst bc my heart is Too Soft and i’ll cry but for you, i will attempt it

okay so here we go

1. clyde hasn’t looked at himself in the mirror in years. not since afghanistan. sure, he’ll glance ocassionally when brushing his teeth, but he avoids it when he can. and he NEVER looks at himself naked or after a shower or with the prosthetic off. he makes sure to run the shower hot enough that the mirror fogs, and he has the prosthetic back on the second he can.

2. clyde tried online dating and blind dates for a while, but one thing ALWAYS happened: the girl would look at his face, his large, gawky build, his arm, and then... well, let’s say it never ended well. on his best nights, the girl will give him an awkward smile and a “well, uh, this was fun!” but never call him again. on his worst, the girl might just up and leave when she takes one look at him. he stopped going on dates like that after a while.

3. he’s had a number of pity dates, especially immediately after coming back from tour. mellie would talk to her girl friends and they’d feel bad for clyde and just awkwardly see him once or twice before realizing that they really just weren’t attracted to him. and clyde knew all along. it was nice that these women would get all dolled up for him and all, but... he could see it in their eyes. it was pity. they’d always call him a “brave boy” and say something vaguely complimentary about his looks, but nothing ever real. they never saw the real clyde. just the sad loner who came back from the war minus one limb.

4. clyde has PTSD. he doesn’t talk about it with ANYONE. he knows jimmy is a great brother, and mellie’s a good sister, but this is something that clyde struggles through on his own. jimmy only found out because one night he heard clyde yelling in his sleep and found clyde standing in his bedroom, the bedside lamp smashed into pieces on the floor, clyde’s shoulders heaving as he ripped apart pillows and screamed. it was terrifying, because clyde had NEVER been like this before. jimmy could barely recognize clyde. after that, they didn’t talk about it, but jimmy always knew in the back of his mind that clyde had lost more in the war than just a hand. and jimmy tries to be sensitive to that.

5. clyde once came home from the bar with a bent and bloody nose, a black eye, and bleeding gums. he was covered in bruises and refused to tell jimmy about what had happened. what had occurred was that some drunken, rowdy patrons had started calling clyde names like “captain hook” and asking him if he had a peg leg to match. it bothered clyde, but he was never one to stand up for himself; he only broke when they told him that the logans should just die off and clean up the human gene pool, “’cept for your hot sister,” they laughed. “she’s probably still good for a trick or two.” that’s when clyde launched over the bar and got into his first real fight since afghanistan.

6. clyde cries more than anyone knows. he doesn’t like to do it in front of others, so if he feels it coming on, he’ll go into the nearest bathroom or closet, throw his hair over his face, and hunker down until the storm passes. he doesn’t feel comfortable crying in front of anyone, so he keeps it all inside until he’s fit to burst, and then lets himself explode in private, sobbing into his hands and pulling at his hair and biting his lips until they bleed.

AND NOW, FOR MY SPECIALITY: SOFTNESS

7. the first time clyde cries in front of the girl he loves, it’s before they’re even officially together. or even unofficially. they’re not even CLOSE to dating or having discussed their feelings. she accidentally walks in on him crying in the back room of Duck Tape, looking for him to ask where they keep the spare napkins, and he’s standing at the desk, bent double. she’s shocked for a moment, and clyde tenses, gagging on his sobs, but she runs over and grabs him. she pushes her face into his chest and holds him, pulling his head to the crook of her neck and shushing him. “let it out,” she whispers. “don’t hold back.” and he can’t disobey. he’s so overcome that he just sobs and chokes, tears running all down his face, eyes puffy and swollen, nose red and dripping. but she holds him, steadfast and solid, trusting and true. he clings to her for support, fingers grappling for even an ounce of her to hold onto. and he cries for all the pain inside, all the love he hides, all the loneliness that breeds in the dark corners of his heart. the longing, the aching, the selfishness that he wants to give into, all of these things pour out in his tears. when it’s all over she keeps holding him, rubbing up and down his back with her small, soft palms, and he stays locked into her arms for as long as he can. he fears that this is the most love he’ll ever know from her, so he intends to savor it.

8. clyde is overtly affectionate, but shy. he wants to smother his girl in kisses and hugs and cuddles, but !! what if people stare at him or thing he’s creepy or clingy?? he’s too shy sometimes, so his girl will initiate it, which gives him the courage. one time, riding the bus, she kissed him square on the lips, and clyde was so invigorated and caught up in her kisses that they nearly missed their stop. he didn’t care about anything else in the world, in that moment: just her kissing him in front of everyone, proud of him, showing their love off for the world to see. 

9. @witchyemmy and i were just talking about this, but clyde’s favorite holiday is thanksgiving. he LOVES it! he’s big on food and he ADORES his family, and his favorite new part of thanksgiving is showing off his girlfriend. “have you met her? look at her! isn’t she beautiful? she’s also so smart and so kind and she gives a MEAN backrub! and-” he has HUNDREDS of things to say about her and he holds her hand through the whole affair, grinning at her because now she really is a part of his family. he’s so happy that his relatives love her (not as much as he does though, because no one can feel as powerfully for her as he does, he’s sure)!

10. the first time clyde actually looks at himself in the mirror, really looks at himself, is after he wakes up from a night of intently kissing his girl. his chest and neck are covered with red and purple hickies, and he smiles. he smiles at his reflection, tenderly pressing the raw spots where her teeth grazed him. it’s an amazing thing, looking at himself and liking what he sees. his hair is a mess and he hasn’t got his prosthetic on and he’s all sweaty from the heat, but something about this mess and the love bites makes him proud of what he is. she loves this body. that has to count for something.

11. clyde has figured out a way to play the guitar, even with just his one dextrous hand. it’s a bit jerry-rigged and still a little clunky, but he used to play it a lot before afghanistan and he missed doing so, so he and his girl worked out a way for him to keep playing. sometimes he’ll sit out on the porch and strum out a little, nameless tune, humming to himself dreamily, and she’ll hear him, heart full of love.

12. clyde may be odd-looking to adults, but babies love him. he’s got a great smile and an incredible way with children, and they just love him. he’s fantastic with them and it’s actually a source of pride for him. some men scoff at being kind to children, thinking it’s “weak” and “womanly” and “wussy”, but clyde thinks the real wusses are the men who can’t find it in themselves to be good to others. he’ll take a conversation with a five year old about clouds that look like bunnies over “bro talk” any day of the week.

[raidpirate52]

The Loud House Season 3 Scorecard by raidpirate52

More in-depth analysis under “Keep Reading”. 

Tripped: A good, entertaining episode. Not the best of the 30 minute specials, but still quite enjoyable on its own. I give the episode a "B". White Hare: I feel the number of rabbits was a bit too high to really focus on the episode and it was overall distracting. Originally it was the plan for the cast to be rabbits with various other animals, and I have to admit I'm glad they decided to go with what they did with humans. Probably wouldn't have been as popular of a show with animal humans. I give this episode a "C". Insta-Gran: It had a nice ending with the Loud kids being there for Myrtle learning she didn't have much of a family like hers after spending the episode loathing her, which was caused by some funny moments like her deleting Lori and Leni's shows.  I give this episode a "B". Roadie to Nowhere: So this might be controversial, but I don't like this episode. Everyone seems to call it one of the best and I just get so bored watching it. Sorry, but I give this episode a "D". A Fridge Too Far: It was clever to see the ways the Loud's protected their leftover food. Also when throwing away dad's food and Cliff having himself a feast.  I give this episode a "B". Selfie Improvement: Lori getting into a selfie competition with Carol was pretty funny, but it felt fairly repetitive and not exactly the most compelling plot. It was nice that she and Carol became friends in the end, so I give this episode a "C". No Place Like Home School: I really liked that Lola decided to help her siblings out to help them pass their tests and them returning the favor to go back to regular school so she can continue home school instead. Was a great episode, I give it an "A". City Slickers: It was funny how Lori struggled with the city life. I think the Lincoln and Ronnie Anne story was alright. A bit cliche with the hide from origins angle, but it was nice she embraced Royal Woods at the end. I give this episode a "B". Fool Me Twice: The different ways Luan's prank to humiliate the family was pretty ridiculous but in a funny way. Also, finally Luan gets some comeuppance in the end for the April Fools saga. Not sure if this will be the last April Fool's episode, we'll just have to wait and see. I give this episode a "B". Net Gains: It was nice for Lynn to learn teamwork in this episode, despite her team not winning in the end. Also nice that Flip wasn't terrible for once. I give this episode a "B". Pipe Dreams: An interesting plot idea with the Loud parents wanting a bathroom in their closet. Feel it had some similarities to Lock 'N' Loud from the last season with this time the parents trying to secure their new bathroom. Not as good as that one in my opinion, but I still give this episode a "B". Fandom Pains: A nice episode that gives focus to Lucy's relationship with Lori and Leni, a trio you wouldn't think to see much. It was a great episode and I enjoyed seeing the three of them hang out. I give this episode an "A". Rita Her Rights: This one is alright. Highlight was seeing which ways Rita could find ways to get community service and returning to a house of chaos. Other than that, not the most entertaining. I give this episode a "C". Teacher's Union: Only part I liked was Lori assuming Lincoln was talking about himself when asking for advice, other than that I didn't really care about the Coach Pacowski and Mrs. Johnson plot. I give this episode a "C". Head Poet's Anxiety: So this episode has Lucy interacting with Luan. Definitely a great episode. Despite initially being jealous, it was nice Luan came to her senses and in the end supported Lucy. I give this episode an "A". The Mad Scientist: A fairly good Lisa episode. It was nice that she remembered the time with her family and how much they really mean to her. I give this episode a "B". Missed Connection: A good episode with Lori and Bobby trying the long distance thing. I liked them coming together and despite not having their best dates, they still work things out. I give this episode a "B". Deal Me Out: Lincoln and Clyde feel their too old for Ace Savy. Not sure how I felt on this episode, just felt it was okay. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing spectacular to me. I give the episode a "C".   Friendzy: Another episode the siblings fight each other, but this one has a good resolution in the end with them making up and working things out. I liked the part when the sisters caught on to the friend card and caught Lola watching TV with her friend, Lincoln cried for his mom. It was pathetic but in a cute kind of way. I also liked that Lincoln's first friend to tag along him and Clyde was Liam. Great moments in this episode, I give it an "A". Pasture Bedtime: Liam actually gets a spotlight role. It was fun to see him have so much energy around the farm. Also unfortunate what happened to Lincoln, Clyde, Zach and Rusty at Girl Jordan's party but they had it coming for double-crossing Liam. Also some hilarious dark humor at the end. One of my favorites of the season. I grade this episode an "A". Shop Girl: So the Loud's try to teach Leni to be assertive. Not as good as "Walking Small" in SpongeBob, but still had some fun moments. I liked the part at the end when Lola tried to be rewarded for being nice only to push fries on a poor guy.  I give this episode a "B". Gown and Out: A great Lola episode where she spends most of it with Lori. I liked Lincoln helping out, a nice call back to Toads and Tiaras. Was nice for Lola to congratulate the winner of this episode, and I liked when Lincoln got ahead of himself and scared Lola only for Lori to hang up on him.  I give this episode an "A". Breaking Dad: It was nice to see Lynn Sr. spend some time with Lily in this episode. Quite repetitive though, but not a bad episode by any means. I give this episode a "B". Ruthless People: Not really hard to see why a lot dislike this episode, but me personally, I thought it was funny. A lot of fans want to feel bad for Lincoln's group, and that's fine, but you should keep in mind they brought their misfortune on themselves for the most part. Had they just stayed where they were and not bail at the first opportunity, they wouldn't have had such a bad time. Also, a bit of their sympathy goes away when their motive was to get the others to have a miserable time they were having, so they kind of deserved it. Overall, I give this episode a "B". What Wood Lincoln Do: The highlight of this episode was definitely Walt demanding he get his bird house back.  I also liked Lincoln trying to bribe his own mom to do his wood shop projects. Overall I'd give this episode a "B". Scales of Justice: Just like "Frog Wild" of the last season, this one compliments it by having Lana try to save a new breed of animals. It was funny when Leni would run into walls/trees.  Definitely a great episode as it showed how Lana gets along with the wildlife. I give this episode an "A". Crimes of Fashion: I liked what Clyde and Lincoln did for Leni to fight and help get her job back. Also was kind of amusing they were in their Ace Savy costumes the whole time. I give this episode a "B". Absent Minded: Kind of a meh episode. Clyde worries about his perfect attendance being tainted. Not really the most compelling idea for an episode. I give this episode a "C". Be Stella My Heart: I liked the episode pointed out that not all male-female friendships need romance. Also had some good moments with Lincoln's friends. I have to say my personal favorite was they hit each other with dodgeballs and stated the reason was for what happened at lunch. "That's for the meatball." "That's for the mustard." "That's for blinding me!" -Then Clyde misses Liam-.  I give this episode an "A". Sitting Bull: It was nice seeing Lynn take some responsibility. Even though she wasn't the best babysitter through most of the episode, it was still pretty funny. At least she wasn't neglectful. A good episode with the older Loud sisters. I give this episode a "B". The Spies That Loved Me: It was pretty funny how the family worried about Ronnie Anne but didn't seem to pay any attention that Carl was the one who fell victim to everything they worried about. I give this episode a "B". Really Loud Music: Probably my favorite of the season. While I wasn't a fan of every song in this one I still really enjoyed the overall plot. My personal favorite songs were Lana's, Lola's, Lori and Leni's, and all of Luna's. I really liked the part where when Michelle and Doug tried to pull the plug on Luna, it was Lana and Lynn who teamed up to stop them. This episode easily gets an "A". House of Lies: I did enjoy this one. I liked the Loud's working together to destroy Lisa's lie-detecting glasses and later to destroy the over-sensitive system. The montage of them having to tell full truths was pretty funny too. I give this episode a "B". Game Boys: Not a bad episode, but compared to some of the others recently, this one kind of pales in comparison. It's good, but not a standout. I give it a "C". Everybody Loves Leni: I really liked the episode showing off how Leni puts everyone before herself, but I kind of wish her friends were more interesting of characters. Overall, a good episode though. I rank it a "B". Middle Men: The horrors that was Middle School. I totally see where Lynn was coming from in this episode. Not really sure how I felt about the happy ending to this one, it was nice, but all the same, the drama of middle school doesn't ever go that way, especially for characters like Lincoln and Clyde. I still grade it a "B" though because I like that Lynn tried to help Lincoln through it. Jeers for Fears: I definitely liked seeing Chandler in another episode. Though, he was mostly only in the beginning and end of it. In the middle is where the episode kind of drops in quality for me. I didn't enjoy seeing Lincoln be a coward in Price for Admission and I didn't really like it here either. It was nice for the Loud sisters to help him out and later Bobby too. I also liked that Chandler comes to respect Lincoln and Clyde too so overall give this episode a "B". Tea Tale Heart: Lola thinking the doll was haunted was an entertaining episode. I liked that at the end it was revealed Lana just always happened to be at the same places at the same time. Of course Lucy loving the thought of the doll being supernatural too. I give this episode an "A". The Loudest Thanksgiving: Was nice to see a Thanksgiving special, but I felt it maybe had a bit too much conflict for a Thanksgiving episode. Also felt that there were too many characters to focus on. Not bad, but I feel it could've been done better. I give this episode a "B". Predict Ability: I did enjoy seeing Lincoln mix things up with his daily routine. I also really liked his hipster outfit. Also had a good mix of focus with the other characters. I give this episode an "A". Driving Ambition: It was a nice Lori-centric episode. Overall though I feel it was a bit forgettable. I give it a "C". Home of the Fave: I did really enjoy seeing Lynn Sr. interact with all his kids, though wish they evened out a bit more. Most of the first half is with just Luan and Lola. I did like how he tried to give his kids equal time, only driving himself crazy. Also, at the end when the pets started to get jealous.  I give this episode an "A". Hero Today, Gone Tomorrow: Was nice for Lynn to share the spotlight with her friend for once and seemingly keeping her lesson in tact at the end. Nice to see Paula get a second appearance. I give this episode an "A". Cooked: It was a good special. I did like seeing the Loud kids come up with different ways to promote their dad's restaurant and seeing it get put into action like Lincoln trying to drive every bus that stopped by or Lana allowing patrons to bring pets to Liam bringing his whole barn. Very entertaining episode, I grade it an "A". The Write Stuff: A pretty mundane episode where if not for Lucy would probably be the sole F of the season, but her addition keeps me from ranking this as the least. I don't care much for Principal Huggins but this episode gave him a lot of focus and I liked that Rita stepped in to take over Lucy's group, but still, not the most entertaining episode. Racing Hearts: I liked that we got a focus episode on Sam and Luna. I do like that it was shown that relationships can work even with personal differences but I wish they showed more of what they have in common to balance it out. Still a good enough episode to get a "B" grade. Stage Flight: I liked the Benny and Luan interactions in this episode, I thought it was cute. Definitely had me on board with the two. Funny how Benny has a puppet of his own. I give this episode an "A". Antiqued Off: The last episode that features Lincoln and his friends. Though most focus was on Clyde and Zach, not exactly my favorite of Lincoln's social circle. Still, it was a nice episode with a good lesson that friends should try more things that their friends like so I give this episode a "B". No F's in this season, lots of A's, so that's good. Overall, a great season. Looking forward to see what Season 4 brings.

[awkwardlyamusing-blog]

Dog Gone Problems: 18-month-old Goldendoodle doesn't respect its 14-year-old owner | Momaha.com

New Post has been published on http://doggietrainingclasses.com/dog-gone-problems-18-month-old-goldendoodle-doesnt-respect-its-14-year-old-owner-momaha-com/

Dog Gone Problems: 18-month-old Goldendoodle doesn't respect its 14-year-old owner | Momaha.com

Dog Gone Problems is a weekly advice column by David Codr, a dog behaviorist in Omaha. David answers dog behavior questions sent in by our readers. You can reach him at dogbehaviorquestions@gmail.com.

I have an 18-month-old Goldendoodle who is a very kind and loving dog. My family’s intent is for him to work as a therapy dog. The problem is I am a 14-year-old small girl who this dog doesn’t respect at all. I feel like I have tried everything. My family has hired behaviorists and trainers. I walk him 30 minutes a day — morning and night — and I train him for 10 minutes after each one of those walks. No matter what I do, he doesn’t respect me. However, he respects the rest of my family. All my dad has to do is walk in the room and he will drop whatever he has. It’s the same with my brothers, who are 11- and 16-years-old.

The next issue is that he has possession aggression. He is very fast. He grabs everything and does not let it go (at least for me). For example, he loves socks and will swallow them. Because of this he has had to get two surgeries and has had multiple visits to the vet to induce vomiting. We have buckets with lids and locks, but he can also open doors. When he gets something to chew on and I try to take it away, he growls — a lot. Then when I try to open his jaw, he bites me.

I need help. How can I make him respect me? Is it my fault or the dog’s? 

Wow. It sounds like you have quite a few issues going on. From what you wrote, it appears you are doing some good work already. Maybe we just need to add a little fine tuning. I can share a few tips.

Let’s break your letter down into individual sections so you can focus on one thing at a time.

First, respect for dogs can be confusing. Some of the factors may be related to your age and stature. Size matters to dogs. That said, one of my former apprentices has gone on to become a dog behaviorist and she is just over 5 feet tall. So it’s something you can get past.

While the walks are great, they may not be enough. Your average dog needs an hour of exercise every day, but some dogs may need even more. From what you wrote, I’d guess your dog falls into that category. This video on creative ways to exercise dogs can help you supplement your walks with some easy indoor exercise options.

I’d look for some ways to build in compliance before your dog gets what he wants in your day-to-day life. Petting with a purpose is a wonderful way to help your dog learn to respect you as a leader and help him practice asking for things instead of telling you what to do.

Do you enforce rules with your dog? Dogs often see those who enforce rules as the leader. Enforcing rules gives you an opportunity to demonstrate your leadership in small, subtle ways multiple times a day.

I’d suggest you also start developing a strong leave it command with your dog. Once established, you can pull out high-value items and leave them on the floor when you can supervise and give the dog the leave it command. The more you repeat this, the less the dog will try to take things you want them to leave alone.

Lastly, this video includes a really easy and sneaky way to condition your dog to come to you — even when you don’t call him to come over.

Remember, training and behavior are separate. While training is awesome, I’d suggest you work more on these structural changes and behavior exercises to help your dog learn that listening and respecting you cause good things to happen.

Good luck and remember — everything you do trains your dog. Only sometimes you mean it.

Close

Despite being a senior cat at 10 years old, Baby is full of energy and mischief. Here, she dangles from a bannister in her house in Gretna.

Karen Windle, copy editor

We’re Bruce and Ernie (left). We love sneaking raw bacon off the kitchen counter, lounging around the house naked, er, without our collars and making friends with deer. (The deer *love* to play tag, but for some reason we’re always “it.”) 

Katy Glover, online editor

Buster can put a smile on your face like no one else, including those of neighbors who spot him dragging me along on a walk or run. Unfortunately, this high-energy guy recently has been sidelined by the doggie version of a torn ACL and subsequent knee surgery. He could use a little boost, so I’m nominating him for the OWH Pet Parade.

Julie Anderson, news reporter

At left is Clyde. He’s a dog. He’s 2 ½. He’s deaf. At right is Pieces. He’s a cat. He’s 13. He can hear. They would like very much for you to pick them!

Brad Davis, business editor

If you’re an avid reader of the World-Herald, maybe you’ve heard of Cooper. Features reporter Chris Peters has written about raising Cooper. Here he is on the custom pallet bed his mom built for him.

Chris Peters, features reporter

At left is Daisy. Her best friend is a reindeer, who comes to visit a few weeks each year. She complains a lot to the non-magical beings she lives with, for obvious reasons. At right is Diaz. He’s a handsome  boy who doesn’t care about that. He loves walks and belly rubs, all people, most dogs, one cat, and zero racoons and opossums. 

Rich Mills, copy editor

At the Ducey Farm in Dundee, we have the blackshirt gals who guard the back yard (Mary Stewart and Victoria Holt), and the chickens who help me garden (Brooklyn and Penny). They produce eggs and inspire pillows for the cutest and most fashionable dogs in the world (Phoebe, Gigi and cousin Tyson), who love to bark at the feral cats (Bunny and Butterscotch) who live outside and have matching tails!

Marjie Ducey, reporter

Gator likes eating snackies, expertly posing for pictures, getting floof everywhere and borking (not barking) at neighbor dogs.

Cory Gilinsky, features (and Sarah Jarecki, civilian)

Gracie the border collie and Beau the red heeler like long walks and frequent car rides, especially to drive-thrus that give treats. 

Deb Shanahan, metro desk editor, and Kent Sievers, photographer

Isabel doesn’t enjoy her humans (especially the little ones) a lot, but sometimes likes a good chin scratch. Mostly she enjoys being left alone to sit on top of the piano and watch the birds outside.

Kevin Coffey, music critic

Izzy is 6 months old. She likes to chase her tail (and often catches it), climb up couches (and people), and bother Zake. Zake is 15 years old and unsure of Izzy. After all, Izzy has the high ground.

Zach Tegler, copy desk

Jameson may be named after whiskey, but this five-year-old gal is all sweetness. At first skittish after being rescued from a farm in Oklahoma, now her favorite hobby is stealing hearts — and covers.​

Laurel Foster, online

We say Juni found us after my wife was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. This little Havaton brings our family joy, love and snuggles every day.​

Jeff Robb, news reporter/data geek

Laika is, hands down, the happiest dog at the dog park. She is named after the heroic Russian cosmonaut dog, one of the first animals in space. Ciara loves to pray. When she joins our family in prayer, she sounds like Scooby Doo. She is fiercely loyal and protective.

Susan Szalewski, copy editor and news reporter

Lolo was adopted seven years ago in Louisiana. She’s a mutt, and we think she’s part nutria, otherwise known as a swamp rat.

Hunter Paniagua, digital sports coordinator

Minerva is a very hard worker. Two-year-old “Minnie” likes to spend her time cleaning, inspecting boxes and bird watching. (And looking adorable.)

Brandon Olson, digital content hub editor

Molly, a rat-terrier Chihuahua from NHS, loved everyone she met. She was an excellent high jumper and cuddler and gave us joy for 17 years. She died in April.

Betsie Freeman, features reporter

Nellie is a 10-year-old tabby cat who is more like 5 years old at heart. She enjoys sleeping in fresh, warm laundry, eating, chasing lasers and listening to stories with best friend, 4-year-old Sam.​

Ashlee Coffey, Momaha.com editor

This is Oliver. He has three legs and a bullet permanently lodged in him. (We didn’t put it there). He pretends like he’s surly and tough but deep down he’s very snuggly.

Roseann Moring, political reporter

Eighteen-year-old cat

Loves tuna, SBH and

A fireside nap

Sarah Baker Hansen, features, and Matthew Hansen, columnist

I’m Sasha. I was a stray in Oklahoma (where my ear was somehow torn) before a shelter rescued me & treated my heartworm. I just tested negative for heartworm, yay! I really like to play dead & get belly rubs!

Alia Conley, news reporter

Slugger, owned by the original Pet Parade Petitor in Chief and saved by Big Red Rescue in Omaha, chases his tail faster to his right than to his left. He ate a hole in the blinds to watch his owner come and go.

Steven Elonich, online editor

Toby is a 4-year-old Rhodesian Ridgeback mix with a big personality. Given the protective tendencies of his breed, he’s very serious about watching over his property — and his owners. Until he isn’t.

Dave Elsesser, features editor, and RyAnne Elsesser

Toothpick loves biting bare legs, gazing longingly at birds outside and dipping his paw into bags of Spicy Nacho Doritos so he can lick off the Doritos dust (which his owners know is gross and bad but are powerless to stop). ​

Erin Duffy, news reporter

Boston Terriers, Willow, 8, and Dexter, 6, have a closet full of costumes, sweaters, scarves and even some pajamas. They only sit this nicely for photos because there are LOTS of treats involved – but really – they are crazy little puppies!

Tammy Yttri, copy desk chief

Nine years ago, we found Zed roaming the earth (it was a ruff life). He’s a good boy. He likes his toy lobster, pepperonis (which we call pupperonis) and keeping up with his fans at Zedwin.org. 

Graham Archer, digital editor

Hi, my name is Zeus, I an eight-year-old American Eskimo looking to get back in the game. They say I am fixed, but I think my only problem is you aren’t in my life. I love long walks and treats. I want someone to chase squirrels with.  Won’t you paw right?

Chris Machian, photographer

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