#especially not stupid bio taking up 6 hours of my week

[astridthevalkyrie]

trauma dump so my dad and i work in the same company right. he sits about twenty feet away from me (yeah it's fantastic i don't wanna jump out the window somtimes at all) but anyways today he comes over to my desk and in english and loud enough that my colleagues could hear he's like "your shower is clogged you need to fix it!" and a. my sisters and i have been telling him this for weeks so the fact that he is acting like he didn't know shows how little he actually listens to us and b. he only knows now bc since her bathroom is being painted my mother took a shower in ours and inconveniences only matter when it's inconveniences for them and c. he could have said this QUIETLY or in URDU and it would be fine but no apparently asking for respect in the workspace is too much to ask for so i told him "can you be a little less condescending about it?" and he got even more peeved and said he wasn't being condescending and was just telling me to clean out the clog (something i didn't even realize i could do like i didn't know i could lift the thing in the shower bc it looks screwed on and he's never told me this before) so i was like "okay whatever" and he walked away and i KNOW at least one of my colleagues overheard bc he joked something like "that sounded serious" so um. and yesterday my mom randomly got pissed at my sister and told me to stop teaching her to blame everything on my mother and i didn't wanna fight so i just said kay and tried to keep the mood positive with my mother because who am i if i'm not playing emotional support eldest daughter all the time and my dad heard the sound of conflict and went into the basement like the bystander and enabler he is!! anyways i have started another keigo fic that will most likely flop as well but idc because i'm having fun writing for him but i'm not having fun at home and i still lack the energy to find a therapist especially bc i know i'd have to pay for it out of pocket and i'd hear it from my parents (SEPARATELY ffs) that they don't think i need therapy but my sister has had trichotillomania for years and they're only now kinda seriously registering her into therapy after being told my several different doctors to do that because she has a fucking ANXIOUS TICK and they just don't see the correlation they don't see why she would have that and my mom keeps calling her crazy as though the woman doesn't have a barrage of mental health issues that she just refuses to address she has a therapist that she chooses not to talk to she takes depression pills she has meltdowns but it's oooover the second anyone else feels an emotion and now (and always) i'm being told that i'm teaching my sister to hate her and disobey her like BABE!!!! you are UNLIKEABLE and there is a reason no one in the house wants to spend time with you!!!! i'm already in this one stupid class that my parents pushed me into that i don't wanna get into but it's so annoying bc it takes up at least two hours aside from my 7:30 to 5 pm shift which if i go into office means i have to catch a 6 am train and be back at like 6:30 pm so i always push myself to stay up as late as i can to get some alone time where i can relax and then i wake up miserable and i push goals for myself to eat healthier and exercise bc i've gained weight even though everyone says i look like i don't eat (i don't) my mom will just randomly make a comment like "i can see your stomach poking out" or some SHIT like that and she's constantly trying to get me to drink her goddamn disgusting homemade mint water that will make my skin clearer and brighter but i like my brown skin and i'm not SELF HATING like some people! and she keeps bugging me to text the lady from this matchmaking service she enrolled me into but i do not WANT to because none of those men will like me because i god forbid put in my bio that i have ideals that i will not budge from and that i am a feminist and i need someone who will respect that i'm allowed to have as much freedom as them and desi men can't stomach that shit so. and my grandma uncle and his two kids are visiting this

(hit the character block limit) weekend and i have to make it into a fun game for my sister to always be around him and interact with everyone bc if me or her try to refill our social batteries in our rooms or interact with EACH OTHER instead of everyone else my mother will think it's the equivalent of stripping naked in front of everyone despite how she embarrasses us every fucking CHANCE she gets especially around her family and my grandma is back to living with us for at least a few months after this which means she'll sleep in my bed which means she'll use my pillows and take up half the bed and every time this happens my CHRONIC BACK PAIN FORGOT ABOUT THAT acts up more than usual so i'm considering sleeping downstairs but i tend to get anxious when i do that i'm just hoping it doesn't happen this time bc i'd rather be depressed as shit instead of anxious and anxiety scares me so bad i get into my own head so easily and i hate taking meds apparently i need vitamin d pills for the rest of my life and taking them makes me feel sick and i don't drink water no matter how hard i try bc the more i drink the more sick i feel and sometimes i go days without drinking water and sometimes i don't eat and sometimes i'm starving but after a single bite i'm full and somehow i'm still gaining weight and i can't expect anyone to care about this constantly because i'm no one's goddamn concern or burden anyways today i'm feeling really introspective and i want to sit with my feelings for a bit but i can't because once i get home (in the train right now) i have to have a one on one meeting with my course instructor and i miss acting but at the same time every time i think of it i think of that horrible incident a few months ago where i agreed to be in the ensemble of wizard of oz and the experience was so bad and the people were so awful and i was the only woc there and they treated me like dirt under their shoe and every time we had a show to put on i felt ill from how miserable i was and now i'm scared all my acting experiences will all be like this and i'm so tired i want to be held and comforted and i want someone to allow me to cry without telling me to cheer up and i want to stop being so nervous every time i meet someone new and i want my skin to be clearer and i want to be healthier and i want my mother to stop abusing me and i want to just sleep in for a whole day and have no one bother me and i want to answer all these asks in my inbox because some are more than a year old and i feel so bad and i go back to school in the fall and i'll be working full time and i can't even say well i guess i had a good break year because i didn't i was working the whole time and i'm almost always around one parent and i want to write without my wrists feeling pain and i want everyone to leave me alone.

[guillemelgat]

New Language Month Goals - Basque and Malayalam

Hello everyone, I’m back for a bit to tell you about some stuff before I disappear into the abyss of school for another 11 weeks (rip). Basically, I’m going to be starting up on the languages again, which means it’s time to get excited!

What I’m going to be doing:

Malayalam

Goal: Finish all basic lessons and get an actual grasp on the language. Also some basic cultural literacy b/c I’m The Actual Worst™

1 @currylangs lesson every weekday (Mon-Fri)

Listen to 2-3 songs or watch 1 movie every Saturday

Stuff about culture in Kerala/Hinduism on Sunday which means reading - this is more focused on stuff I didn’t learn from my dad and don’t really have a knowledge base for, so more history, politics, and religion, which I realize are iffy topics so I’m going to try to study them in the best way possible *screams quietly in a corner*

I’m going to be doing the lessons out by hand but will type them up and queue them on my side blog @pacchapuuccha where they will appear a week after I’ve done them

Basque

Goal: Reach B2!!

I’m going to try out @somajesticdonki’s really great Advanced Learner Challenge, which is probably a little too advanced for me but we’ll see how it goes, I’m really excited!!

I’ll queue stuff for every day so it’ll come out the week after I do it, but yeah, it should be fun, and there will hopefully be lots of content on here which is always a plus

I’ll be starting this on April 1st, so not this week, but I thought I’d include it here anyway

Also I am returning to my No-Tumblr-Except-On-Saturdays policy, so everything will be running on queue during the week and my side blog will probably not be super active because I’m too lazy to queue it, we’ll see though. I will be checking Tumblr on Saturdays, though, so if you want me to see something just tag me and I’ll get to it then. 

Happy studying friends!!

(Also side note: I will make the Catalan and Tamahaq posts ASAP, they are still in the works because I am a Hot Mess but I have not forgotten about them)

[otptings]

Reunited

✖︎Idol: Park Jisung

✖︎Genre: Fluffffy

✖︎Word Count: 1237

✖︎Synopsis: Tours are hard, but being reunited is all you could ask for

✖︎A/n: edited, the original goes by the name of tour. requests are open for enhypen, treasure, and svt. if you enjoyed this please like, reblog, or donate to my ko-fi in my bio thank you so much

“I miss you.” You held back your laughter at the sight of Jisung puffing out his cheeks in an obvious pout.

“Only two more weeks, then you’ll be back in my arms.”

“That’s boring, why can’t I just teleport there now? Or better yet you teleport here?” Shaking your head at his childishness you couldn’t help but feel the same. There have been more than enough lonely nights to last you for the rest of your days. Nights that were spent looking at all of the various photos and videos that Jisung - tried to-  regularly send you, along with scouring the Dreamies Youtube channel for any videos he forgot to tell you about.

You were more than grateful he was able to experience the tour, especially now that his knee was fully healed, but a miniscule part of you wanted him to be here, wrapped around you like a koala, your favorite habit of his. You’d give anything to be suffocating because of the immense warmth he constantly radiated, your head laying on his chest to listen to his heart beat. The moment when you’d look up at him only to see him already staring back, a sweet smile on his face as he leant down to place a kiss on your temple. Moments you wished you hadn’t taken for granted.

“I miss you more than you know, but I’ve seen all of your performances. You make me so proud everytime I watch them.” A dark blush spread of Jisung’s cheeks. He was weak to compliments. A mumbled ‘he’s on the phone’ was heard before the dressing room dorm burst open, the rest of the Dreamies making an appearance. The boys rushed to the camera, the sound of their screams and greetings making you giggle.

“Don’t think I forgot about you guys, I miss you too.” A mix of Korean and English could be heard, but due to their overexcitement actually understanding was out of the question. Jisung muttered a quick ‘bye’ before the phone beeped, signaling that he hung up. You laughed at his panicked expression before realizing he didn’t end the call with an I love you. Or the next time you’d talk.

Touring makes it hard to schedule things, having an estimated time when you two could talk did help. Giving you something to look forward to between his performances and your school schedule. You had started to get deep into your thoughts when your phone dinged.

Jisungie🐹

I love you ❤️i’ll try and call you tomorrow before practice

A smile spread across your face at his text. Jisung wasn’t forgetful, you don’t even know why you were so worried. Laying back against your pillows you grabbed your stuffed bear, a present Jisung had given you on your 6 month anniversary, hugging it close to your chest, attempting to ignore the empty sensation in your chest that had been steadily growing since he boarded the plane.

Three weeks can’t pass quickly enough.

Stuffing your hands in your pocket you huffed impatiently. You were waiting, just standing there waiting for the aircraft to deplane and the door to open revealing the purple hair boy, for the aching in your chest to finally be alleviated when he held you in his arms for the first time in months.

You felt your breath hitch when the gate doors opened without warning. 6 months, 26 weeks, and 4380 hours without Jisung, he’s finally back. People slowly started to trickle out, and your impatience only grew when none of them were your boys. After what felt like hours - approximately 5 minutes - Mark’s bright blue hair came into view. A mixture of relief and elation rushed through you at the sight of Jisung, his eyes moving rapidly before meeting yours, the same emotions flooding through them.

What you did was stupid, giving the company free ammunition to be mad at you. In your defense NCTzens already knew about your relationship, after 1 year together the company released a statement before Dispatch had the pleasure of creating a scandal. So what if you gave them a few couple pictures to leak.

Jisung met you halfway, his neck pillow laying discarded on the ground, arms wrapping around your waist tightly, as if he was scared you’d leave. That wasn’t a problem, your arms draped over his shoulders, holding him just if not more close. In your brain you could make out the Dreamies cooing over you too, but your attention was mainly on the feeling of your chest finally being full for the first time in 6 months, your other half was back.

You hadn’t realized just how much you missed the feeling of his arms around you, feeling protected in the way he seemed to fully wrap around you. You pulled away only long enough to look up at Jisung, frowning at his watery eyes.

“You’re crying.” Jisung’s hand came to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing away the tear you hadn’t realized you were shedding. Giggling, you buried your face back into Jisung’s chest. You refused to let go.

“Are they really crying? Oh my god we’re gonna be here all day.” You couldn’t see the aftermath of Haechan’s dramatic yelling, but you did hear the soft thud of someone smacking his arm - later you found out it was Renjun due to Haechan's whining about how unfair it was.

“It’s young love, they missed each other let them be.” Jaemin began to scold them, protecting his two babies as he always does.

Come on guys, let’s head to baggage claim. Sooner we get there, sooner we can go home.” Jeno’s voice broke through and you finally pulled away, not before he wrapped around your shoulders, keeping you tightly pressed to his side as you walked.

In a total of 37 minutes all 7 of the boys got their bags - including Haechan’s extra bag for souvenirs - loaded them into the van with the help of their manager, and returned back to the dorms, where you were currently curled into Jisung’s side as the other boys were spread out around the dorm, minus Chenle, Mark, and Haechan who were at their respective residences.

Jisung’s head laid on your chest while your fingers ran through his hair, massaging his scalp and listening to the soft sighs that left his mouth, his own hand playing with the bottom of your shirt, fingers threatening to touch the smooth skin underneath.

“I really missed you” Tilting his head up Jisung looked at, relief still evident in his eyes, “It’s hard being so far away from you, I can’t sleep in those different hotel rooms. Of course I have my members, but it’s not the same as having you beside me.”

“You’re back now, and you can’t act as if the tour was all bad. How was it anyway?”

Jisung recounted the tour days for you, making sure to spare no detail of how they convinced Renjun to reenact his voice crack on the stage during the encore, or when they woke Mark on his birthday by pouring water on him and how Haechan was the one to take all of the blame, or when they all decided to gave themselves temporary tattoos with a sharpie and how the makeup artists lectured them for hours while trying to get rid of the black ink - except for Mark who use blue because it was his favorite color.

Tours are rough on both of you, but being reunited is all you could ever ask for.

[immabethehero]

Chase’s Bday Present Pt 1

Runs in holding a latte *wheeze...* I’m here! And I have three presents for Chase because I’m indecisive as hell! So! Here is the first birthday present, a sweet little ditty I wrote!

CW: talk of food, slight body horror and stitches mention (Robbie), and Soft Anti

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Septic house was in disarray. Jameson Jackson frantically polished the stairway and furniture until it sparkled, Marvin the Magnificent washed the dishes while Jackieboy Man dried them, and Antisepticeye cleaned up the living room seats. All the while, Dr. Henrik von Schneeplestein, MD, PhD, MVP, FFS, loomed over all of them, barking orders while cleaning the floors. Robbie the zombie was the only one not under Schneep’s scrutiny, having wisely taken shelter in the laundry room, folding clothes and ironing while waiting to put the next load in. Sirius and Sam, Marvin’s cat and Henrik’s dog respectively, had taken to hiding upstairs.

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Anti said as he vacuumed up the couch and cushioned seats. “It’s just Chase. He’s seen this house before, why bother cleaning it?”

“Chase hasn’t been here in awhile! I want him to receive a warm welcome back!” Henrik explained. “I do hope he enjoyed the cottage with Stacy and the kids though.”

“It’s only been two weeks! Not much has changed since!” Anti groaned.

“Jameson turned you into a turtle,” Marvin pointed out. Jameson snickered at the memory.

“Henrik tried his first bit of magic!” Jackie added. “Managed to turn Jameson into a duck!”

“See? Loads happened while he was gone,” Henrik finished. Anti rolled his eyes and went out to beat the rugs.

“Jameson, can you tune the piano? One of us might want to play something upon his arrival, and we can’t have the piano broken when we do so,” Henrik asked. Jameson nodded and happily left his cloth on the staircase, hands aching to touch the piano.

Henrik put the vacuum away and turned to the flower vase on the living room table. Daffodils. They didn’t seem quite as bright as they did earlier.

“Do you think we should change the flowers in the vase?” Henrik wondered out loud.

“Daffodils are Chase’s favourite flowers!” Anti yelled from outside. “I think we’re okay!”

“They look so dull, though,” Henrik remarked.

“I have an idea!” Marvin cried out. He dried his hands and ran over. “Stargazer lilies are also Chase’s favourite flower! Jameson and I have been growing them in our garden while he was gone. I can pluck a few and replace them!”

“Aren’t they poisonous to cats?” Jackie asked, nervously looking over at Sirius, who had descended to lie on the steps.

“Sirius hates flowers, the smell bothers her. She won’t go near them. But just in case-” Marvin picked up the vase and put them on the dining room table, then summoned a forcefield to keep Sirius away. Just for good measure, he also created two plastic cucumbers and placed them around the plant. Henrik and Jackie snickered. Marvin could hear Sirius scowling at him.

“I’ll get some lilies!” Marvin said, picking the daffodils up and running out. He almost collided with Anti, who was holding at least six rugs. Anti threw the rugs down one by one, then flopped onto the couch, yawning.

“Anti, don’t tell me you’re tired already!” Henrik said, sighing exasperatedly. “There’s still so much to do!”

“Like what?” mumbled Anti, eyes threatening to close.

“Like a treat! I was thinking of making a sweet dessert for Chase!” Henrik announced.

“But we just cleaned the kitchen!” complained Jackie.

“Relax, I’ll clean everything when I’m done,” Henrik reassured. “You go rest, I’ll be hogging the kitchen for a while!”

Jackie nodded and gratefully stumbled over to the couch, hoping to catch some winks before Chase’s return.

“Can I help?” Robbie asked, finally emerging from the laundry room.

{I can help as well!} offered Jameson bouncing back from the piano.

“Thanks guys,” Henrik said. “This is a new recipe we’ll be making: Cheddar Biscuits.”

Robbie and Jameson froze and stared at Henrik quizzically. “What?”

“Cheddar biscuits. Stacy emailed me the recipe,” Henrik explained. “They’re apparently really good.”

“Even the name sounds like a treat!” Jameson sighed. “Let’s make them!”

Henrik, Jameson and Robbie spent the next hour or so in the kitchen. Jameson and Henrik did the bulk of the work, Jameson mixing dry ingredients while Henrik did liquid, while Robbie shredded cheese and melted butter with pieces of garlic in them.

Finally, they clumped the mixture together and spread butter on them, then popped them in the oven and washed up the dishes.

When they were done, at least 24 golden brown scones had been made. The six egos marvelled over the glorious little treats. Even Sam and Sirius couldn’t resist coming over and squeezing through to sniff the food. Anti reached a hand out, only to have it smacked away by Henrik.

“Wait until Chase is home, you greedy monster!” he scolded. Anti grunted in frustration.

The biscuits were placed in a little basket with two napkins on top to keep them fresh, then hidden in the bottom cupboard next to the oven, where Henrik kept his coffee beans. No one with a braincell dared to go near Henrik’s coffee supply, and only few ever survived getting in.

*

“Everything is finished! We can rest now!” Marvin cried in delight.

“Can’t wait for Chase to see!” Jackie said happily. “How long before he returns?”

Henrik checked his watch. “Not until 6 o’clock at the latest!”

The egos collectively groaned in frustration. Only 1:30 pm and now they had to wait!

 “You woke us all up at 6:30 in the fucking morning for this?! We could have slept a little longer you know!” Jackie snapped.

“Yeah, especially after you kept us all up with you Facetiming Chase until midnight last night!” Marvin added.

“If Chase notices the bags under my eyes, it’s because of you!” Jameson griped.

“At least everything is ready now!” Henrik reasoned. “Now all we have to do is wait! And not mess up the house in those few hours! If you want to do something, make sure it involves little movement or anything that could shake the house up. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m taking a nap!” He flounced upstairs, leaving the egos to find any activity to pass the time.

*

Two hours passed. Jameson taught Robbie how to play cribbage. Jackie and Anti attempted to teach Marvin how to play, or rather, cheat at Mario Kart. Henrik switched between pacing the front hallway and playing Solitaire and Bio Inc Redemption on his laptop.

“Henrik, do sit down and relax!” Jameson finally said after Henrik got up for the thirteen time.

“I can’t help it! I miss Chase! I want to talk to him again!” Henrik moaned.

“You spent three hours with him on Facetime last night!” Anti exclaimed.

“There is a very big difference between Facetiming someone and seeing them in person!” Henrik retorted. “Do you know how hard it is to talk to him and not smell his vanilla scent or feel his warm embrace? I miss seeing him at the table with his messy hair and stupid puns. I miss hearing his laugh in person. I miss him so badly.”

“Are we jokes to you?!” Marvin demanded. “We miss him too, Henrik, but we have each other. You literally said you enjoyed sitting next to me on movie nights!”

“I know… maybe I’m just being too clingy,” Henrik sighed, sitting down beside Marvin.

Anti snapped his fingers and Mario Kart showed up on Henrik’s computer screen. “Here. Try playing a few games with us and he’ll come sooner.”

Another hour passed. Jameson read. Henrik screamed in fury as he lost another round of Mario Kart. Anti laughed at him. Marvin gave up and started playing Animal Crossing. Jackie grabbed a snack and watched Youtube. Robbie and Sam were fast asleep on the floor. Jameson laughed softly and conjured a blanket to put over them, then went back to his reading.

Henrik was raging so loudly they almost didn’t hear the doorbell. Jameson was the first to hear it. He whistled to get the others’ attention. Robbie woke up and groggily rubbed his eyes.

“Do you hear that?” Jameson asked, putting his ear up to listen. Another ring. Then a voice cried out, “Hello? Are you going to let me in? Did you already forget me? Have I been kicked out?”

Henrik gasped in delight and almost threw his laptop onto the floor, but Anti was quick to save it as the doctor jumped out his seat and dashed over the front door, swinging it open.

Chase Brody stood in the doorway, still playing with the doorbell. He jumped when he noticed the door open.

“CHASE!!!!” Henrik squealed, throwing himself on the vlogger. “I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!” Chase giggled as Henrik showered him with kisses and squeezed him tightly. Sam danced around them, barking happily.

“Hello, Henrik. Long time, no see.” Chase waved to the others. “Hey guys!”

“Chase! Welcome home!” Marvin said, running over to hug him. “We missed you too, but probably not as much as Henrik.”

“Yeah… Henrik? Could you let me go, please?” Chase wheezed. Henrik was starting to suffocate him. “I… can’t… breathe…”

“Come inside! We made treats!” Robbie cried, dragging Chase in by the hand.

“Did you now?” Chase sniffed the air. “Ooh, I can smell it!”

“We also ordered some chocolate snacks from Shawn Flynn’s Sweet Menagerie, just to celebrate your return!” Jackie added.

“Sounds awesome!” Chase exclaimed.

{Come, make yourself at home!} Jameson said. Chase was led to the couch, where his feet were propped up and a blanket was thrown over him. Sam jumped up beside him and curled up next to him, lying her head on his lap.

Henrik and Jackie set the table while Jameson and Anti got the food out. Chase would have happily gotten up to join them, but he was too tired to move, and Sam wouldn’t budge.

Marvin chuckled when he saw the sight. “Why don’t we eat in the living room tonight? Turn on Netflix and have a little movie fest?” The egos were quick to agree, and Henrik served Chase’s plate to him ona tray, choosing to sit next to him. Sam moved to the other side of the couch, letting Henrik in.

“Here you go! Dinosaur nuggets with mashed potatoes!” Henrik announced, setting the plate down. “Jameson convinced me to mix garlic butter into the potatoes this time, like you used to do!”

“It smells delicious!” Chase exclaimed in ecstasy. He dipped a nugget in the mashed potatoes and ate it, humming happily.

“So what movie are we watching?” Robbie asked, grabbing the remote.

“You’ve probably seen quite a few new movies at Stacy’s cottage,” Jackie told Chase. “Why don’t you decide?”

Chase shrugged. “Just a few. None of us could ever agree, so it was rare for us to watch a new movie. But we all agreed on this sweet little film.” Chase flipped through Amazon Prime until he found a title called This Beautiful Fantastic.

“It’s about a girl who wants to become a writer and slowly learns how to become a gardener.” Chase pressed play and they watched the film. Chase, Henrik and Sam on the couch, Marvin on the purple reclining chair, Anti on the teal green armchair, and Jameson, Jackie and Robbie on the ground.

Halfway through the movie, Jackie remarked, “That father reminds me a lot of you, Chase. I can see why you liked it.”

“Vern?” Chase asked. “He’s just a dad trying to raise his kids. What makes you think I’m like him?”

“You’re both sweet, and a total dork,” Marvin said. Chase playfully threw a pillow at him. Marvin snickered and exaggeratedly hugged the pillow. “I’m keeping this.”

“You both love cooking,” Jameson added.

“And you’re a devoted family man!” Henrik interjected.

“You are all so kind to me,” Chase said with a sigh. “I don’t deserve you guys.”

“Shut up, of course you do!” Marvin said.

“No I don’t!” Chase playfully retorted.

“Shhh, lies!” Jackie hissed, smiling.

“Stop!” Chase cried, blushing. “Seriously though, I didn’t think I would be getting the royal treatment after only two weeks away. I really didn’t do anything.”

“Funny, that’s what we said whenever we returned from vacations and travels,” Jackie remarked. “That didn’t stop you from throwing us a welcome back party.”

“It didn’t stop you from giving me a cake after my 100th successful surgery,” Henrik said.

“Or taking me to a fancy restaurant on my first full day without popping a stitch or losing a limb,” Robbie added.

“You bought me a handsome vest when I got that role I so desperately wanted,” Jameson reminisced.

“You’re a wonderful test subject for all my new spells,” Marvin said.

“You always celebrate us and our successes,” Jackie said. “After all you’ve done for us, I think it’s safe to say you deserve the best from us.”

Chase felt his eyes water up. Face red, he looked down, feeling embarrassed. He rubbed his eyes, smiling. “Thank you. You guys are always so sweet.”

Henrik gently kissed his forehead. “Welcome back, Chase.”

Chase finished wiping his eyes and looked up. “So. What happened when I was gone?”

Henrik grinned. “So, remember when I told you about getting magic lessons from Marvin? Funny story...”

~~~~~

@milo-kno, here’s your punishment >:3 Part one!

@graysun, @florenceisfalling, @miishae, @lonelyseiren, @goldenoceanaart, @egopocalypse, @oasisofgalaxies, @fleecal, @kofi-kiing, @myspatialspace, @jo-ann-ahh-2, @huffletrax, @gemstone6, @dumbasticart, @lunaarmada,@meteorshowersfillthesky, @uhhbeans,  @the-pastel-kitsune, @bupine,  @climbing-starrs, @the-spawn-of-loki, @jadehowlettthewolf, @obsidiancreates, @rammypaige, @hollenka99, @cest-mellow, @randowaffle, @green-protects, @dezi-popp, @badlypostedeverything, @crystalninjaphoenix, @milo-kno, @pixelpixie-pix, @why-killed-markiplier

[ageofevermore]

1-96

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

it’s a dual sliding door, so usually one sides open. but preferably, both doors are closed. 

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

sometimes in the summer, not often though. 

(3) Can You Whistle?

yes! 

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

well for some reason there’s a guy on my TV singing God Bless The USA

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

purple

(6) Relationship Status.

single because my favorite omegle guy won’t answer me 

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

48F / 9C

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

i woke up wishing i was still asleep

(9) How Many Followers?

835

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Sun: Capricorn, Rising: Aries, Moon: Aquarius 

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

brown / hazel 

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

no

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

obviously, i’m not completely insane

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

whatever fucking book my english class assigned...

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

i literally only have a text book by me and opening it is triggering

(16) Favourite Anime?

i don’t watch anime

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

my mom...about greys anatomy...but still my mom about christmas and my birthday. i cry alot, but i like REALLY cried about those two topics

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

chapstick, trauma, candles 

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

it’s only 10am and i haven’t even thought about breakfast 

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

yes, and then my mom yells at me because i do nothing “subtly” and the entire car shakes

(21) Favourite Animal?

white siberian tigers, snow leopards, dolphins, and now elephants

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

unfortunately. i love gymnastics, but like, i’m not trying to watch men in toboggans and swim caps 

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

anywhere between 12pm and 3am

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

no, i never wear makeup because it makes me look more ugly

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

ocean

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

besides my friends i don’t really have a favorite blog, i stick to my circle and don’t venture very far 

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled. 

(28) What Makes You Happy?

i couldn’t tell you...

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

without, but i always start with it on. it never lasts more then two songs.

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

dogs

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

a shade of purple from the crayola 200 pack

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

wii

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

ocean

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

hell mothering fucking year i do baby, lets take that train to hogwarts 

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

its a friends pj crop, so black and white stripped with the central perks logo

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

yup

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

save money 

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

my cup 

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

stranger things ig

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

no, those assholes scare me, but i’ve grown + released them 

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

um chile, i would follow my best friend off a cliff with no hesitation

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

all the fucking time 

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

ITS MY FAVORITE FORM OF TRAVEL 

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

the hannah montana movie

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

peanuts 

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

one direction 

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

yes 

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

yes, but it takes me forever to fall asleep 

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

yea, depends on the day and the level of scardy bitch i feel like being 

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

i love both 

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

hell yeah, let me feel the beat in my kidneys 

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

carve pumpkins 

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

no tears left to cry by ag

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

fall

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?

a churro + peppermint mocha frap

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

(58) What Is Your Gender?

female (she/her)

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

iced coffee / sweet tea

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

yeah, i have environmental homework and US I homework and Algebra II homework

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

bruh, idk 

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

no, that shit’s never made 

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

jigglypuff 

(64) Favourite Social Media?

pintrest 

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

they’re okay

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

no. i don’t miss thins very easily, i’m away from home for a week and i have no doubt that i could spend the rest of my life without going back. 

(67) Are You A Virgin?

yes sir

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

idk, some really thick and heavy in hydration set 

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

sleep in my car, though both options scare me 

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

i have a strained relationship with my bio dad, but unfortunately i still have to associate myself with him a few times a year 

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

black widow or spiderman 3, but i’m willing to see anything just take me back! 

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

i’ve never had an ex, but i do wish krystian would stop ignoring me. stupid scotland boys 

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

“friends dont lie”

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

green / brown 

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

i loved swinging, but a few years ago it started making me dizzy so i don’t swing very often anymore. but tire swings especially are my shit 

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

chicken flavored ramen 

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

yes 

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

yeah...because they’re dying and if i have the skills to save them...why wouldn’t i?

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

honey, i do full virtual high school. we stan a pandemic (we don’t)

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

social media stalker is my middle name. not anymore though, i haven’t been asked to find a boy in a while 

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

no. i hate it. anxiety city man. 

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

i don’t wear rings, but i really want to.

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

closed

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

woke up, watched stranger things, made ramen 

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

whatever i fall asleep in. 

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

are beauty and skincare the same? because i don’t own much makeup. 

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

i used to be a night person. but this pandemic has hit hard with depression and i’ve become a stay in bed all day person

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

2048 balls, among us, ball sort puzzle, bubble shooter, bubble sort, color roll 3D, drag n merge, fit and squeeze, hole.io, mario kart, match 3D, nonogram.com, paint the cube, roof rails, solitare, spit, stacky dash, stair run, timber run...

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

After my moms fiance died, I had a dream that he was able to come see my fifth grade play (he died just before it happened) and when we were walking out he got into the white car from fast and furious (we watched the movies together) and said he would see me again soon, then he drove off...like talk about weird 

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

rootbeer 

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

i like a good clicking sound 

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

sweats everyday all day 

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

like a fucking wreck 

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

netflix 

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

i want a bunch of little symbols, and i think it would be cute if i got a T for my mom, but i can’t tell her that because she might think i’m going soft and exploit my show of affection (jfc why am i like this lmao)

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

colleen ballinger 

[taylornock]

how cell phones made our lives better while simultaneously ruining them

hi fam!! it’s me, again. are you tired of hearing from me? me too. that’s why I’m here to rant about social media / phone / technology. bc i hate it… but in a loving way???

everyone remembers when they got their first iPhone. seriously. why is that such a monumental moment in our lives? i can hardly remember what i felt like freshman year of high school but can pinpoint the feeling of sheer glee unwrapping my iPhone 6 in eighth grade. i have this thing that is attached to me 24/7 - when I go anywhere (even downstairs) without my phone i feel weird. that is f***ing SAD! PATHETIC. i hate feeling that dependent on what is essentially a pocket robot.

for what it’s worth - phones have done INCREDIBLE things for the world as we know it. for example, this quarantine shit has been testing all of us; and our phones are helping us get through it in so many ways. our phones let us see the faces of those loved ones we are missing, our phones provide us with stupid tik tok content to keep everything light hearted, and our phones let us check in on each other. all amazing things! when we are at school, we have instant access to our lives at home . being able to call my mom whenever i want is something i definitely abuse. “mom, I’m on my way home from Thompson right now and i think i have a brain aneurysm but my bio final is at 11am tomorrow will i make it” … an actual conversation i had with my mom at the end of freshman year. needless to say i was medicated shortly after THAT meltdown. I am such a brat that i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t text my dad and have him immediately get me the password again to our Uverse account…… god forbid i miss an episode of the bachelor. i have this phone, and that’s what i do with it? abuse its powers to ask my parents for medical advice or a password i forgot? have we lost sight of everything here?

throughout life and especially throughout quarantine… my phone is the definition of a possession that is a blessing and a curse. I’m so grateful to have the ability to bother my friends - whenever i want! the options are endless! i love keeping in touch with people i thought id never hear from again, and being able to talk to so many people in my life and make my heart swell. now, when a conversation with someone other than my two roommates (shoutout parents) is so rare ⎯ that phone is my weapon and i use it to help flatten the curve: flatten the curve of covid19 and flatten the curve of my mental illness 🙃 [humor is a coping mechanism okay let me live] but like, i KNOW i’m not the only one that looks at my screen time and immediately wants to die. how can i honestly be looking at my phone for that long? picking it up THAT many times?????? my phone is the best distraction and also the most toxic - it makes me feel better but has a tendency to bring up all my issues and blast them into the reflection of my blue light glasses...... its called fashion look it up.

to give some examples - let’s open up my most used app: snapchat. I go on snapchat with the best of intentions - to see a memory from a year ago that makes me smile. to respond to my friends and see what their mood today is based on the look on their face. to creep on snap stories and see what everyone’s cooking and doing with their lives. somehow, tho, after spending a few minutes on the app.. i end up with a pit in my stomach most of the time. the person i want to respond hasn’t responded in 4 hours. oh god lets overthink this- they don’t like me anymore and are no longer interested in speaking to me and only respond every once in a while out of pity or because they are uncomfortable. everyone hates you. oh and GOD FORBID someone leaves me on open??! I am not funny nor interesting nor worth a reply - suddenly, i have equated my value to receiving or not receiving a photo of someone’s blank stare. this is extreme, and this is dramatic. but trust me —— this is the hamster wheel always turning in my head. I’m not even going to touch on snap maps; that feature is pandoras box and someone better fucking shut it.

second most used app is instagram. i scroll for hours, i have time limits set for the app acting like i’m actually going to listen to them and get off. lmaooooooooo. i love looking at aesthetic stuff and dogs and food and recipes and my friends’ beautiful faces. but you know what i don’t like? constant nudges to compare myself to others. oh look at her having a party with all of her friends even though we aren’t supposed to be. am i a loser for trying to be safe? oh look at her washboard abs, i’m never going to look like that and will never live up to the standard of beauty society has set for me. look at all of these people in their happy relationships. why can’t i have that? it goes over and over and over. its not like i sit there and think of these things just like that, its a precedent in my mind when i stare at everybody else that i am going to size my own life up against theirs. for years i followed every single elite model / VS angel on instagram to motivate me to do better - to start being psycho about what i did to my body so i could be as gorgeous as them. what kind of fucked up mindset is that? i would literally watch their footage of them eating rice and vegetables once a day and try to copy it. i would watch their runway walks obsessively trying to recreate them in heels alone in my house - like that was all i could imagine doing with my life. did i ever stop for a second to look at that photoshoot of gigi hadid and wonder if she was happy? wonder if the constant pictures she saw of herself ever made her insecure? what was i doing? the day i unfollowed those girls was a monumental day in my journey to a better self image. i didn’t realize the people i thought were my “motivators” were actually my triggers. i have grown to a point in life now that i would much rather eat a stack of chocolate chip pancakes that make me dance in my chair like an infant than practice my runway walk and shame my body in the mirror. and i am so freakin happy! 

i could go app by app for hours. but moving on to the next thing i hate about cell phones - how they have destroyed our biological methods of communication. you hear about those psychos who think the world is destroyed by technology and we are going to be overrun by robots. but hey, I’m with the psychos on this one. i have this amazing friend, Trevor Wright, who without fail at EVERY dinner announces “phones off friends on” and collects our phones into the center of the table. yes, we are 20 year old adults. yes, we hand our phones over to Trevor and let him yell at us for trying to see if ~that person~ snap chatted us back. i have so much respect for him because of this. there is nothing worse than staring at your phones when you could be having a good conversation about life, about love, about laughter + memories, about “do you think hellen keller is real?” anything, bro, anything. anything but snapchat messaging your hoe of the week or mindlessly playing tetris to twiddle your thumbs. we all need to start loving a little harder, and the first step to doing that is to communicate better. communicate smarter. I’m guilty of alllll of the above, don’t get me wrong. and I am ADD asf and constantly playing mindless games just to stimulate my brain. but i need to stop that! even writing this is taking some time away from the dumb shit on my phone - and encouraging me to communicate how i     r e a l l y   feel to my homies that will read this. communication - especially body language - is fascinating. I’ve studied it in  psych, I’ve learned the neurological bases of behavior and why we do what we do. I’ve learned how much our life experience impacts who we are as a whole...and it! is! fascinating! i also think that’s why i love film so much. because it can capture the raw moments of your friends just being your friends, of you just being the person you are, and the world around you just existing as it exists. i love the raw moments; and not just because indy blue posted one youtube video of her slow mo laughing and now thats the only footage i find myself shooting. 😚

im not quite sure what this post is, lol. but - just a rant on technology. so listen to me:

take advantage of technology + social media! it CAN BE GREAT. for so many reasons. but, don’t let technology + social media TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. stay true to you - know how to communicate with yourself and your loved ones without the use of a robot. remember that feeling when you setup up your first iPhone? imagine if you could feel that again, with your phone nowhere in sight. if you don’t know how to communicate with yourself yet, start by journaling. WRITE! TYPE! SPEAK! do what you want. getting your thoughts down even without an audience is so crucial to understanding yourself and others. if you don’t like to write, reflect. breathe. meditate. make art. do what makes you feel at peace, and do whatever makes you feel like the world makes a little bit more sense than it does. 

IF YOU ARE READING DOWN TO HERE, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, SAY IT BACK! LIFE IS A FUCKING HIGHWAY. AND IM SO GLAD YOU’RE ON MY INTERSTATE. <3

xoxoxoxo

gossip girl

[blondecarfucker]

Bed of Roses (1988 Special)

Roger Taylor x Reader BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: so this is not even a real chapter??? i mean, it doesn't have a number - it's really a reallll epilogue, you really get to know what happen in the eleven years that follow the end of the story. this wasn't really on my outline - i just kept thinking about the characters cause theyre SO CUTE and DESERVE THE BEST and im an absolute softie so i couldnt help but write this. its probably a bit messy cause im tired atm but im happy i wrote this and i want to share it with you guys already. im curious to know what you guys think about it! - also, just making it clear, there's no story for a sequel, so there's no sequel coming. just so you guys know. thanks again for stopping by and reading my story and being AMAZING. im a bit rusty i guess so sorry about the size of the chapter

Words: around 2.8k

1988

You heard Roger hitting the drums as you opened the studio door.

"Hey, Y/N", Freddie said, coming to hug you. "It's your man recording", he told you, and you nodded.

"I see", you answer, and Jim comes closer to Freddie and says hello to you. You really like the way they feel at ease with each other - it just looks natural. It's been long ever since you saw Freddie so peaceful.

But Roger soon showed up in your field of vision, having just left the recording booth. "Babe, it's so good to see you", he said, hugging you by the waist. "Good seeing you too, Rog. What are you guys recording?, you ask, and Deacy answers.

"It's 'Rain Must Fall', just wrote it with Freddie", he says, as Freddie listens to Roger's recording.

"It's still not right", he says, and Roger sighs. "Be right back", he tells you, going inside the booth.

Now that you're paying attention, you realize it's latin percussion. "This is really nice", you tell Freddie, and he smiles. "Thanks, darling. How's the museum? Did it fall apart after you spent a month away?", he asked, and you laughed.

"Actually, they've been holding up quite nicely", you say, referring to the period you've just spent with them in Montreux. "They're getting used to it, I suppose", and he nods.

You and Roger have been taking turns the last decade on who's gonna spend time along with the other, but now, after you've got your PhD and was promoted to Senior Curator, your job could be done without official office hours, so you've been following Roger around a bit more - which is nice, especially when he's in Montreux, such a calm place you thought about retiring there, in the future.

"And this outfit, too, I love it. You look like such a serious business woman" Jim said, pointing to your tailleur. "I have to look the part, Jim", you shrug, and Brian laughs. "I miss your yellow Chuck Taylors days, Y/N", he says, and you laugh. "These shoes are killing me, so I do, too", you tell him.

"I won't invite you to dance, then", Freddie said, and you frowned. "Please do, Freddie. You know how I love these latin inspired songs of yours", you pouted, and Freddie laughed, extending a hand to you.

You could feel Roger's eyes watching you through the glass as you danced with Freddie. Rain Must Fall reminded you of Cool Cat, and even though the Hot Space days, in 1981 were complicated, it reminded you of an afternoon with Roger on a yacht on Lake Geneva, the two of you drinking mimosas and sunbathing as Montreux glimmed under the Riviera sun.

"God, I hate this fucking song", Roger said, sipping on his mimosa.

"It's not the best", you agreed, and he laughed.

"This fucking album, I swear to God. If it wasn't for you here, I would've dropped this", he said, and you got up to prepare another mimosa for you.

"Don't say that, Rog. You wouldn't drop the band", you said, and he sighed.

"You're right. But I would drop this album, though. This song, even - I didn't take part in anything regarding the production. I just watched, like you watch a car crash", he says, and it's your turn to laugh.

"You're so dramatic", you tell him, mixing the orange juice and the champagne. "But seriously, babe. Do you even like the songs we're making now?", he asks, and you take a sip of your drink.

"I like Under Pressure", you say, and you're happy to see his face lighten up as he laughs. "Of course you do. I'm impressed you didn't ask Bowie for an autograph yet", he said, and you laugh along. "I have to stop myself from fangirling every time he's around, you know. It's pretty hard, but I do my best not to embarass you", you told him, sitting by his side.

His sun kissed skin made his eyes even brighter than usual - like lapis lazuli on bronze.

"Like I try not to embarrass you by looking stupid when we're on one of your fancy dinners?", he asks, hugging you by the side. "Exactly", you told him, pressing a quick kiss on his lips. He tasted like orange.

As you now kept dancing with Freddie, Jim pulled Deacy for a dance too, and eventually everyone was dancing to Roger's percussion. Each had a different level of success, and you were trying to help Brian when Roger finished his part.

It made you happy to have moments like this. After A Kind Of Magic, in 1986, the band was fighting constantly - it made you sad to see such thing. Roger even created a side band, The Cross, and he worked with them for a while before reuniting with Queen for this new album.

You were always a huge fan of his solo work, but you never connected with The Cross - and you felt like he didn't, either. They never really challenged him, and anything only gets better after receiving honest feedback.

But now Freddie wanted to produce again with the rest of the band - as much as they could, non-stop. They wouldn't even tour after this album, The Miracle. You felt like Roger knew exactly why these changes happened, but he didn't share them with you. You didn't really mind - it was not only his privacy, but the privacy of the rest of the band members. The fact that he was trustworthy enough to keep his friend's reasoning behind a polemic decision private only made you love him more.

"Babe", Roger called, walking over to you. You hugged him, his known smell now more refined, cologne mixed with the patchouli and substituting the cigarette smoke - you both quitted smoking, since you heard it could be harmful for little ones.

"The kids are with their nanny, right?" Rog asked you, and you nodded.

It was 1982 when you realized you couldn't keep your breakfast - you vomited every morning, almost religiously, twenty minutes after you ate.

Roger was immediately concerned on the phone - you spent two weeks in Mexico for work, and it was only when Roger spent a weekend there at the end of your trip that he told you not to drink the tap water. So you were both convinced you had some parasite, and Roger took you to a doctor - he liked to spend time with you when you were both in London, even in boring activities, since you still lived in separate flats, always trying to take it slow - even though you felt like a teenager when you had to pack to stay a weekend at your boyfriend's house - and you considered talking to Roger about moving in together again.

The doctor soon realized there were no parasites inside you, but there was a baby - a 3 months old little boy, in fact, as the doctor confirmed after taking you two to the ultrasound room.

You could never forget Roger's face once he understood what the doctor told the two of you. He was going to be a father.

But the realization that you were going to be a mother took a little longer to hit you. It was only when you heard the baby's heartbeat that you really understood what was going on inside you - a baby. Your baby. Roger's baby.

Proof that you were together, proof that you belonged to each other, that you loved each other.

"This is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard", Roger told you, and you smiled in agreement.

Nine months later, Apollo was born.

You agreed on Apollo because you always thought about how Roger reminded you of Apollo, and it did remind you of New York, too - the Apollo Theater was a landmark only a couple dozens streets above the apartment you grew up in.

But Apollo was much more like you than he was like his dad. He inherited his dad's dirty blonde curls, but his eyes were just like yours, and so was his personality - he was very determined, liked to be alone, and a full blown nerd. He taught himself to read when he was four, and now, at age 6, he liked to read The Hobbit by himself.

He didn't speak with an English accent, oddly enough, even though he was raised in London - he spoke water like his dad, but copied your accent in every other word.

Roger would hold him and hug him and always spend time with "his little guy", always telling him how proud he is to be the father of a genius, and Apollo's cheeks would be flushed pink, just like yours did when Roger told you how smart you are.

When Apollo was born, you both agreed to move in together into a big family home, but you filled the walls with artwork and tapestry, and Roger made sure there was always good music playing - it didn't feel like you were abandoning your old selves to become parents; it felt like a natural step.

And for financial reasons - mostly to protect Apollo and to make taxes easier - you and Roger decided to get married. He tried to play the practical part, reaffirming marriage was just a title and the two of you were way beyond that, but you knew, deep down, that he was incredibly happy to get on his knees and propose.

It was a simple ceremony in 1984 - close friends and family under the hawaiian sunset, the Lana'i Island's atmosphere made you feel like you were in a dream. With a simple cotton white dress, you reunited with Roger - in a half open, white cotton button up - in front of a licensed marriage performer, and you became Ms Taylor.

Roger used any excuse to call you Ms Taylor, savoring the name on his tongue just like he did with your lips on honeymoon.

Apollo was 2, and stayed with his grandparents for a week as the two of you enjoyed your honeymoon on paradise. "It's funny how this is like, the millionth time I feel like I'm on honeymoon with you", you tell Roger, and he pouts. "If you consider honeymoon everytime we go somewhere amazing alone and keep fucking like teenagers, then yeah. But this is special. This feels more… I don't know. Official", he said, and you agreed.

And all that young love had a result - you soon found out you got pregnant again after a routine blood test. Roger was, again, the happiest man on Earth.

You felt calmer this time around - a kid and responsibilities didn't ruin your relationship with Roger the first time around, and you were actually pretty good parents.

So when Live Aid came about, you were huge - you enjoyed the many performances, but when Queen was onstage, it felt different. You could remember when, almost fifteen years ago, you saw these guys broke, rehearsing and travelling around in a van.

Now they were here, and in a day filled with performances from stars, they shined the brightest.

You don't know if it was all the emotions you felt watching them, but once you finally got home, the sun about to rise - Apollo long asleep - you sat down to prepare a warm bath for the two of you, but you felt something warm running down your legs. Your water broke.

You and Roger ran to the Hospital, and after a few hours, Artemis was born.

She screamed, not cried, once she first looked at you and Roger, almost annoyed - like she was sad she missed the show.

Artemis was a logical name choice - Apollo's twin in greek mythology - but the kid also got her strong will. She looked just like her father, big, round blue eyes and pink, full lips soon learned to express what she desired and complained when things seemed wrong in her perspective.

At the early age of three and with a reduced vocabulary, she convinced the two of you to get the smallest drum set you could find, and she tried to repeat her fathers movements on it, still too small for her tiny kit, but proud of the loud noises she made, hitting it recklessly.

Roger looked at it as if he was seeing a miracle.

The kids were raised primarily in London, but they spent some time in Montreux, when the band was recording, under their father's care, or on tour when you could stay with them - tour made the kids so confused about their whereabouts that it needed a conjoined effort - but now that the band was recording in London with no plans for long periods away, it was going to be interesting.

Apollo was just getting started in school, and soon it would be Artemis turn. They still had no dimension of their fathers - or their "uncles" - importance, but you and Roger talked about this, waiting for the day you'd have to explain your life for the kids, who you were before you were their parents.

You wondered if Apollo would think back on the time he went to dad's work and he was dressed as a woman - he couldn't recognize Roger when he was Rogerina while recording the video for I Want To Break Free until he took his wig off.

It was a better reaction than John's kids had, screaming in fear of the old, scary and tall lady that tried to pick them up.

The latest video recording was incredibly sweet, actually - it was for The Miracle, the single, and the band was going to be interpreted by 11 year olds. The kid that played Freddie was absolutely brilliant, mimicking all of his signature moves.

But it was the kid that played Roger who stole your heart.

As you watched the tiny Rog rehearse, you couldn't help but imagine Artemis hitting her drums - maybe in a few years, she'd be able to actually play something.

You also thought about Apollo, how he'd look like an even younger version of Roger if he was sitting on the stool, bouncing his curls and pouting in concentration.

You really loved the life you lived now, and when you looked back to all the drama that went between you and Roger so you could get here - two happy, fully realized people; and two great parents - you'd do it all again.

You kept thinking about it as the kid rehearsed Roger's part in the song, until you felt a familiar smell fill the air around you, and an arm snaking around your waist.

"Hello, beautiful stranger. Are you lost?", Roger whispered, his husky voice still able to give you chills.

"I am, actually. I can't find my husband, and I came here just to see him before work", you said.

"How did he get so lucky to have you?", he asks, and you turn around to kiss him.

"Actually, I'm his good luck charm", you say, pulling him closer to you.

He was ready for the shoot, so you felt bad when you broke the kiss and realized you transfered part of your lipstick to his lips.

"Shit, your makeup artist is going to kill me", you say, trying to wipe it away.

"It's fine", he says, kissing you again. "So I'm picking Apollo from school today, right?", he confirmed, and you nodded. It would always amaze you how you found your own level of responsibility, of the feared and dreaded domesticity, without losing the passion you had for each other. Taking it slow.

But now, back in the studio, you said goodbye to everyone, and followed Roger to a limo.

You always had your nights out - nights where you'd stay in a fancy hotel room just for the sake of being together in different ambiances. You two learned from your trip to Paris how it makes you more in love with each other, the new place making you fonder of what you know and love - in your case, Roger.

So when he popped open a bottle of champagne while you undressed, and once you were only in your lingerie, Roger took his own shirt off, knowing to pass it to you - a ritual, really.

You both went out, relaxed and comfortable, and enjoyed the view.

The Thames was below you, and you could see the entire city - if you tried, you could point where the bar you first met was, and Kensington Marked, and the first flat you shared. London was a huge part of your story.

"Let's make a toast", Roger said, and you nodded. "To what?", you asked, but you knew the answer.

You've been together for almost twenty years, now, so it's normal for you to know what to expect from Roger. But it doesn't feel boring - it feels like home.

"Us", he says.

-

Taglist: 

@taylorroger-s @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @its-nessi @anamcg317 @frenchieswiftie @queen-danielle-dani-dan @minihemo @shutup-sorry @theyrealllegends @killerqueenisthebest @ashagracelove @hardy-s @fuckinghurricanesoul @secretsweetscollectionblog @mrswinterhater @11mb0 @tamtam-go92 @derptatosaur @brianandthemays @phantom-fangirl-stuff @the-hysterical-queen @rogerofmylife @notevenlxvely @discodeakyy @x1975sos @16wiishes @jennycidesstuff @partydulce @melros-e @onevisionliz

[strictlygay-s-blog]

If you have recently started looking for employment after years out of practice

If you have recently started looking for employment after years out of practice, you're likely having that"uh oh" moment in which you don't quite remember where--or how--to begin.

It is OK, we've all been there.  

After I have covered it all, the work hunt will immediately transform from something frightening to something you can totally handle.  Trust me, we've got your back.

1.  

If you have been out of school for some time and your resume nonetheless lists your first internships, you're likely better off creating one from scratch.  Once it is up to speed, you're going to want to tailor it, measure your bullet points, and cut it down to one page.  And yes, you'll need to go through this process for every new place you find.  Mostly because the hiring supervisor's only giving you half an hour --unless you give them a reason to stick around more.

Oh, and that goal statement must proceed.  (Unless you're changing careers, in which case, check out the summary statement.)

2.  Customize Your Cover Letter, Too

For starters, this means you have to address it into some person.  (And no, that individual's never named,"To Whom it May Concern.")  And that it must open and close with attention-grabbing lines.

Here is the easiest template for you going.  

3.  Update Your LinkedIn Profile--and then Really Use It

LinkedIn is your new preferred form of social networking when it comes to finding work.  You probably have a profile, but now you would like to craft a great overview that sums up who you are, your specialist experiences, and your future ambitions.  You also want to customize your headline, connect with people you know (and don't know, but respect ), and also attach some of your personal work, such as printed articles, advertisements, or media releases.

And yes, you can even make it stand out more using an eye-catching desktop photo.

After all of your materials are in sequence, you finally have the opportunity to talk to fellow LinkedIn members.  When reaching out to some stranger, customize your message while keeping it short and to the point.  

4.  

As soon as a hiring manager looks at your resume, he or she immediately Googles you (OK, perhaps not immediately, but when he or she's interested, it is going to occur at some point).  Which means that everything on your own Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, as well as Pinterest is instantly a part of your program.

So how can you manage your social websites for career achievement?  Step one is making certain that all public platforms are specialist.  That doesn't mean you only share the newest from Forbes.  But it does mean there's nothing (nothing!)  That could be interpreted poorly.  When in doubt, change your settings and make them private.

Step two is the interesting part--the area where you get to impress anybody searching for your online presence.  While we advocate building your personal portfolio (which isn't as hard as it sounds), we also suggest that you make sure your bios send the right message --out of your LinkedIn summary to all those 160 characters on your own Twitter profile.

For more info checkout Certifind.

5.  Network (and Network More)

So you're going to need to get out and do a little networking.  I saw you shudder--but fear not, networking comes in all forms, so regardless of if you're introverted or extroverted, there's always a means for you to get in touch with the right men and women.  Emphasis on the right way.

You will want to begin by reaching out to your network and letting them know you're looking for a new task (here is a great template for that email).  Then, the uncomfortable part, asking strangers for help.  It is easier than you might imagine!  By way of example, this email template will get you a meeting with almost anyone you ask.  The goal here is to set up informational interviews (a.k.a.( coffee dates) to not only catch your foot in the doorway, but also find out more about companie you're interested in and find the right fit.

When there's someone you met at a party (or through a friend of a friend of a cousin) who you think could help you out, there's nothing wrong with politely following up and asking for their advice.  No matter who you know, almost anyone can develop into a valuable career connection with some genuine effort.

6.  Be Deliberate When Applying Jobs

1 common misconception about the search is that you should apply to as many jobs as possible, but this is definitely not true.  Instead, you want to spend some time doing your own research, filling out your applications, and only applying for positions you're really qualified for and interested in.  (Although there are ways to get in the door if you're only slightly under-qualified, or possibly a little too over-qualified.)

Note: A big reason it is better to aim your search rather than apply aimlessly is as your program must undergo an ATS first--meaning that a robot will browse through your materials before a human does.  There's a means to past that stupid bot, but it takes a little effort on your end.

And if you're in a unique position--such as changing careers, returning to work after taking time off to raise children, or rebounding from being laid-off--know that you're going to need to take a few added steps.

7.  

Now, before you walk into that meeting, you should practice the way you'll answer some common questions.  You also want to have in your repertoire a collection of tales you can share your previous experiences and how you conquer obstacles.  And when the interviewer goes on to ask you in the event that you have any queries, you'll want to come prepared with several excellent ones.  Basically, this is your chance to show the hiring supervisor who you are and why you would be a great fit for the business.

When that's over, you're down to the final actions.   No, really, those few lines can make all of the difference.  And in the event that you still haven't heard back after two or three weeks, consider following the hiring supervisor to show you're still interested in the position.

8.  Bear in Mind That This Procedure Takes Time

You'll probably begin your hunt super-excited to get started.  Then it is going to drag on and off --and you will find excuses to stop.  Do not!

This is a very long process--especially in the event that you know exactly what you want (which is great!) .  Your program must capture the attention of active recruiters, hiring managers, and yes, some robots.  Trust me, I know it's exhausting.  But the more effort you put in, the greater your chances of getting that interview.

My advice to you?   And on the times once you truly feel like throwing in the towel, do.  Not permanently, but for that evening.    The listings will still be there in the morning.

[alittledizzy]

a long-winded but true story in which the moral is: why being able to talk about penises freely but not vaginas/vulvas is dangerous

this is about something that happened to me lately that could be considered tmi but you know what? it’s about physical health for a body part which in my case is no more sexual than my knee, so: if you find this story squeamish because physical health talk in general makes you uncomfortable that’s fair enough, but if it makes you uncomfortable specifically because it’s about physical health regarding my vulva (unless you have a specific reason for the idea of vulvas making you uncomfortable) it’s even more important that you in particular read this

(trigger warnings for antibiotic drugs/pills; mentions of vomit, abuse, genital mutilation, rape)

so two sundays ago i woke up and long story short it felt like my vulva was on fire with the amount of irritation it was experiencing — i’m not just talking about mild itching, i’m talking about ‘if this were a pain scale in the hospital for an injury that the nurse/doctor is giving you it would be a solid 6 or 7 for ‘severe, cannot concentrate on everyday activities as a result’’ irritation and pain, and it only got worse whenever i needed the toilet (which was frequently). so i couldn’t focus on anything, but it was okay because i knew exactly what to d- no, i didn’t. i had no idea what to do. i’d never been taught about everyday vulval health to the extent that i wasn’t even sure if this irritation was supposed to be an issue or not. that might sound stupid, especially considering i’ve been living with my vulva for decades, but: - it wasn’t the first time i’d experienced that irritation (only this time was the worst) - i’d never been able to discuss vulval health openly with anyone because no one had ever made it clear to me that i could talk to them about it if i needed to for whatever reason - and thus i’d never heard anyone complain about any similar experiences - therefore i couldn’t be sure whether it was normal or not - additionally the number of times i’d heard the phrase ‘UTI’ was lower than the number of digits on my hand - and even though i knew what it stood for i still had had no idea what the symptoms might include

so, because of my lack of education about vulval health, and especially because i was embarrassed about it — considering my entire life i’d been grown up surrounded by the attitude of ‘if it’s not absolutely necessary to discuss your vagina, don’t’, which funnily enough sounds like the saying “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all” (which is where the topics stigmatisation and misogyny come in, because that attitude implies that vaginal health is a dirty or improper or ‘rude’ topic to talk about in comparison to phallic health) — i didn’t do anything. i’d never been given the knowledge to be able to know that something was wrong, and i’d always been subliminally taught that it wasn’t socially acceptable to discuss vaginas or vulvas anyway, so i said nothing and researched nothing. monday to thursday i suffered in complete silence, still going into work and trying my best to act like nothing was wrong, even though the pain felt like the equivalent to a severe migraine (i’ve had plenty of migraines, thanks genetics, so i can judge). the only time i got a break from the pain was when i was asleep, and even then sometimes i woke up in the middle of the night because it burned so much, during which points i lost a lot of sleep because it took a couple of hours to drop back to sleep from sheer exhaustion. it was this constant never-ending demon that i couldn’t ignore or forget or ameliorate with medicinal creams of any kind, and what made it even worse was that during that week my work was undergoing intensely difficult graded assessment. i was stressed, in constant pain, loosing sleep and fucking terrified at what was going on.

thursday afternoon and i decided i’d had enough. i was suffering too much that even though i had no idea whether it was even an unnatural thing or not, i knew that whatever it was i couldn’t let it control me so much anymore. i couldn’t talk to my mates or anyone else about it because the mentioned internalised stigmatisation, so i ended up asking my own mother about it (which even now i still feel annoyingly embarrassed about, annoyingly because i know i shouldn’t feel embarrassed when it’s about my goddamned wellbeing). when she inevitably told me that no, it’s not normal to be in that much pain, i was relieved because it meant that i wasn’t just overreacting, but now even more scared because i now knew something was wrong and to someone as ignorant on the topic as me, it could have been anything. she told me to see a doctor as soon as possible, which i did.

i managed to see a doctor the very next day, on the friday (bless the nhs); i knew at the time that there was no shame in talking about what had been happening (again, it’s my health and health takes priority) and i knew that to the doctor it wouldn’t matter because that’s what they’re trained to do, to help your medical issues regardless of any potential disgust factor, but i still felt embarrassed as hell about it all. i described what i was going through, gave the obligatory urine sample etc etc and lo and behold, i did indeed have a UTI. he gave me antibiotics, which i duly took friday through to last sunday, and then it was gone! celebrations!

now here’s the thing. although i left it a long time to see the doctor, i still managed to catch it before it spread to the kidneys. during that appointment we had discussed it and it was revealed that thank god it had not yet spread, BUT if it HAD spread i would have started to experience the following symptoms, as stated by the doctor himself: - back pains - fever - headaches - fatigue - nausea and vomiting additionally, if it had spread to the kidneys and been left untreated, it could have also led to the following in the long run: - decreased or weakened kidney function - if my kidney was already weak, the possibility of overall kidney failure - the infection spreading to the bloodstream - therefore spreading to other organs so you can probably understand at this point why it’s lucky that i saw the doctor and caught it when i did, before it escalated even further. however, even as it was, i still didn’t see the doctor for nearly a full week after infection, and even after being prescribed with antibiotics the pain lasted until the day after i took my final pill, which was last monday. eight days of constant pain, internalised embarrassment, sleep loss, fear/paranoia (especially when it seemed like the antibiotics weren’t working by the last day), and reduced potential in the workplace. in fact, i looked it up, and i can actually receive extra credit for those graded assignments considering i fell under the category of “experiencing a distracting minor illness” as long as i provide a doctor’s note proving that i had the appointment.

eight days of constant pain, sleep loss, fear, paranoia and reduced potential in the workplace. and you know how this could have been avoided? if my social environment had felt safe enough for me to speak up about the issue, the issue being my vulval health, and if i had been taught enough previously to know that something was wrong.

during school all i’d ever learned about my genitalia is how menstruation, fertilisation, pregnancy and birth worked in bio class, and outside of/after school i’d basically never been taught anything. i’d never been taught about everyday vaginal/vulval health topics such as masturbation and UTIs — my parents had never taught me anything about such things (except how to use sanitary products) because they were too embarrassed and had expected the school to do it, and the school never taught me about those things beyond what we had to learn for biology or for pshe (where we only learned about contraception) because they expected my parents to teach me, so in my youth i was stuck in the middle, not knowing that i was supposed to learn all these things for my own good health and thus i never taught myself.

keep in mind that during and since secondary school i’ve been living in the uk, which compared to some other countries is pretty forward-thinking with issues like misogyny and wellbeing. now imagine how fucked i would have been in a culture where women are taught even less about their own bodies, where women are outright viewed as inferior, are viewed as less or not at all deserving of knowledge or rights to their own bodies, where women are frequently abused or raped or forced to undergo genital mutilation, or any other kind of abuse. all of society has a massive issue with letting people talk about their genital health, especially when it is specifically about vaginas or vulvas rather than penises, but i’m fortunate enough to be living in a country where i at least have the right to attempt to control how much suffering my body goes through, but in many other cultures a woman’s body is not considered her own right or her own property, and the thought of a woman even discussing her own health in a shameless or self-empowering manner is unimaginable. all of society shows more disdain towards discussion of vaginal/vulval health than phallic (for want of a better word to relate to penises) health, because of the still-widely internalised attitude that vaginas and the like are inherently dirty or sexual. the only difference is that some cultures look down upon such discussion more than others.

it is for these reasons that even “small” things, such as being afraid to directly mention vaginas and vulvas while having no hesitation in mentioning penises, contribute to misogynistic oppression. vaginas and vulvas are automatically thought of as sexual whether the context regarding them is sexual or not, while penises are viewed less frequently as sexual and more as jokes. because vaginas and vulvas are more likely to be viewed as sexual even if the context has absolutely nothing to do with sex, it leads people to view the discussion or context as dirty and improper, which brings shame upon the person whose vagina/vulva is being discussed. like this post, for example. nothing about this post is describing my vulva or vagina in a sexual context. i am not describing my sex life. i am not a sexual person. i do not use my vagina or vulva for sexual reasons, i am not sexually active and i am not seeking sex, so my vagina and vulva are about as sexual as my knees (hint: not at all sexual). i am simply describing my general health regarding them, i am not sexualising them, so this post deserves no shame but does deserve every equal amount of consideration and maturity that might be given to a post about a hypothetical infection in my knee. i suffered so much and for so long from my UTI simply because i was embarrassed (because of internalised misogyny) and uneducated (something that is also because of societal misogyny, the lack of education regarding all genital health rather than just reproductive health), and if i had let that hold me back any longer, as my doctor so described, the infection could have spread to my vital organs and caused much more serious problems that could have led to me being admitted to hospital.

tl;dr no one deserves shame simply for whatever genitalia they may have, and no one deserves shame for wanting to discuss and seek answers or cures for genital health problems. if we are told not to discuss our genitalia whatever the context because it is viewed as “improper”, we are made to feel ashamed and therefore hesitant to speak up and seek help. we (‘we’ referring to anyone with a vulva/vagina) are unfairly prevented from feeling shameless and empowered with our bodies, which results in oppression both because we are made to feel inferior and because we are less likely to seek medical guidance or help even when we most need it, resulting in unnecessary suffering (and potentially even death or at least a close encounter with it in some cases). this is why prejudice against open discussion of vaginas or vulvas is not excusable in any manner, and why i’m frankly disgusted with the amount of people who say it’s “not a big deal” when such prejudice is expressed (particularly since a fair amount of said people probably have vaginas/vulvas themselves)

(submission from @imagjnative)

[harry-writings]

Reunion

- Where Harry and Anne reunite after 6 years. 

Part 1

Masterlist linked in bio

Harry didn’t sleep the night before their departure.

In fact, Harry could barely sit still for the past three days from all the anxiousness inside of him. He was already packed—already had everything he needed right beside the front door—yet he still couldn’ stop fidgeting.t

It was three in the morning when Harry decided to have a makeshift date inside their apartment. Their flight was planned to leave at 7, which ultimately lead them to spend the whole night awake due to Harry’s inevitable excitement.

They were hungry and Harry needed to do something proper for Y/n, especially after everything she had done for him. But he had already done so much for her within the past two weeks that she almost didn’t let him spend so much time making them a second dinner. 

But he just wouldn’t take no for an answer and she ultimately didn’t mind. It was quite entertaining watching him cook in quick movements, occasionally laughing at the television set as Friends played quietly in the corner. It was rare for them to have quality moments like this, and although they are together for hours every day, the spontaneous aspects of their relationship died down the more they worked.

Harry had also decorated the kitchen as much as he could. With a few spare candles, a couple supermarket flowers, a bottle of cheap wine, and the small hum of from his thrifted radio—he was really setting an ambiance that made Y/n flustered.

Harry clicks off the television and turns down the lights before turning around to look at Y/n, who’s resting her cheek in her hand as she watches him in such an admirable way that Harry’s heart jumps in his chest.

The light of the candles illuminates her body in a way that almost makes her look so pure, where parts of her remain a silhouette while the rest of her glows in reflection. He feels his palms begin to sweat and feels that familiar tug in his heart when he watches her blink at him in nothing short of falling in love all over again.

He finds it humorous, really—just how much his body reacts to her after all this time.

“You’re looking gorgeous, you know.”

Even in the dim room does he notice her cheeks blush with pink. She hums softly, swiftly lifting her head from her hand and making her way from the chair to waltz over to where he’s leaning against the counter.

She snakes her arms around his waist, underneath the fabric of the apron that’s still tied to his neck before resting her chin upon his chest. Her hands rub up and down his bare back while his hands claim their territory on her waist.

“And you,” she smirks, her hands now roaming to his abdomen and resting upon the ferns inked perfectly on this skin, “you look as beautiful and handsome as ever.”

He sighs in amusement before bending down some to press a kiss upon her lips. It’s quite rough and lustful, however, it’s nothing less than passionate.

Y/n’s hands are relentless along his body and Harry knows it’s because they never have the time to have a proper date. And although what he’d set up in the kitchen isn’t practically proper, it’s the most they can make from the circumstances and Y/n can’t appreciate it enough.

“Keep touching me like that and we’ll be missing our little date.” He chuckles against her lips, “And you’ll be covered in marks when you see my mom again. Know you wouldn’t like that.”

“Wouldn’t.” She shakes her head softly, "Not asking for anything more, just—“ she sighs, her arms now slinging over his shoulders with her fingers intertwined behind his neck in hopes of somehow moving him closer than he already is, “just wanna love on you a bit.”

Her forehead is pressed to his collarbone with her eyes closed, just embracing every last bit of him. No matter how they live, they always manage to make the most out of the very little they have and she knows she wouldn’t be so content if she was living so shitty without him.

He rocks her back and forth gently between his arms, knowing very well that he’s been blessed with something much more than her love. And as much as he wants to express it, there are days he never gets the chance to, so it’s times like these he’s able to make up for all his missing affection.

“Would love to stay like this all night, love, but we have two hours until we have to make our way to the airport and I’d really love it if we enjoy our last dinner alone for the next month.”

“I can’t believe this is really happening.” He whispers, his hand tugging back the roots of his hair as they finally settle into their designated seats.

As much as Harry prepared for this moment, there was really nothing that could have prevented him from becoming so overwhelmed. He could feel the excitement burry in his bones, so much so his entire body feels as if it’s clenching as a way to relieve it.

In only four hours he’ll be in his hometown of Holmes Chapel, and in nearly five hours he’ll be right back at home, snuggled on the couch with his mum and girlfriend watching a stupid romantic comedy him and Anne always watched when he was a kid. He’s been waiting too goddamn long to live that moment and no it’s only five hours away.

Y/n giggles when his hands run down his cheeks with an open mouthed smile. She’s highly amused by how shocked he still is, despite the fact that he had a decent amount of time to wrap his head around the situation. She thinks it’s the damn cutest thing and she wants that smile on him forever; he’s never looked prettier.

“Well, you better believe it because it’s definitely happening. Just a plane ride away from being right where you need to be right now.”

He smiles softly at her before reaching over to press her against him. The armrest in their way of getting closer but neither of them seem to mind as she leans over to kiss his lips gently.

“Work so hard, you deserve this.”

“My sweets.” He mumbles against her lips, his eyes kept closed as he rests his mouth against the corner of her lips, his arms held tightly around her as he embraces the feeling of her against him—a feeling of which he could never grow tired of. “You’re my everything, you know. Don’t know what I’d do without you. Can’t thank you enough.”

“Hm” she hums graciously, shuffling to find room to scoot her body closer to his.

Her cheeks heat up at his words and the way his hands caress her body in the most delicate way possible. Her entire world is held right up against her and she’s never been more grateful to have sacrificed so much of her time for him. He deserves so much more than what he has and not a part of her doubts that for a second.

Her mouth grazes his t-shirt covered shoulder with a smile on her lips.

“You’ve thanked me enough, know you have.”

His hand makes its way to her cheek, pinching the skin softly between the pads of his fingers while her head moves from his shoulder up so that she can look at him.

“Thanked me a lot.” She chuckles.

Harry smirks, his eyes gleaming between a mix of lust and adoration as he remembers it all. Long, long passionate and lustful nights spent between their sheets, soaking each other in and Harry giving her quite literally all he had. Since spending money was no option, making love to her was the most valuable thing he could provide her with to show just how thankful he was. And even though he wanted to give her more—like a diamond ring to finalize their future or a dozen of roses every day until the departure—his love was really all he had and hearing her in pure euphoria made up for all the guilt in his chest.

Y/n didn’t want more, though. Having him was enough—spending forever with him and being there for him was really all she needed. The material didn’t matter; they were just details that weren’t needed when it came to their relationship. She knew how thankful he was—the endless tears and the constant affection showed her just how appreciative he was and she didn’t want it any other way.

His lips press to hers again, only briefly, before he rests his head back against the seat. He really doesn’t know how he’s gotten so lucky—how he ever deserved somebody like her in his life. She’s his beacon of hope in the midst of his failed and miserable life, and really the only thing that keeps him going through the continuous rough patches.

She’s his absolute everything, and he knows he’d be nothing without her.

“Loving you is the best thing I’ve ever done. Could never love you enough.” He whispers, his fingers reaching out to where her hand is placed on the armrest between them. “Don’t know how I can be without you for three weeks. Not going to get used to it, haven’t been without you for over six years now.”

Y/n’s thought about that, too. She just doesn’t know how to be on her own. There hasn’t been a night she hasn’t fallen asleep next to him and a morning she hasn’t woken up beside him, and she’s not so sure how she’ll cope with him being away for so long.

He’s succumbed every part of her life to the point where he has become her life. Outside of their apartment is nothing but obligations and dead end opportunities, whereas at home—with Harry—there’s everything she’s ever needed. She’s been with him for so long that she genuinely doesn’t know how to be away from him. And although it does sadden her, knowing that Harry will be back in his childhood home is enough to overcome the sorrow in her heart. This is the moment he’s been waiting for and she wouldn’t trade it for the world.

She closes her eyes softly as she places her head on his shoulder, making sure to run over thumb over the palm of his hand as she does so. She rubs her cheek against his skin while she lets out a quiet yawn, finding comfort against his body as her body slowly turns to rest.

“I’m sure you’ll be just fine, sweetums.” She yawns again, “Nothing’s going to be better than a month back at home. Your inner little mummy’s boy is going to go crazy.”

Harry and Y/n both chuckle at her words, both fully aware that even though they won’t be together for a while, Anne is very much well worth it.

Y/n begins to doze off against his shoulder, which Harry would normally find captivatingly endearing and would normally take it upon himself to admire her as she does so—like he always does back at their home—but staying in his seat is almost too much steadiness for his adrenaline can handle. Despite the very little to no sleep Harry has gotten the past two days, there isn’t a single part of his body that isn’t awake and jumping in anticipation for what the next four hours could bring him.

“Next stop, Holmes Chapel."

“Holy fuck! This is it, Y/n! This is where I used to work!” Harry smiles broadly, quite nearly jumping in his seat as he points to the little town bakery he’s never shut up about.

Y/n is completely mesmerized by it all. Even though the ride from the airport to his house was no less than forty minutes, she has already seen so much of what shaped Harry into the man he is now. Between the bakery, the schools he attended, and where his favorite memories have taken place, it’s as if Y/n is witnessing the life Harry had before her.

Everything Harry has ever talked about is coming to life right before her, and her eyes water at the sight. Although Harry and Y/n have been together for a little over a year before they decided to move away, she has never visited his home town.

It wasn’t that they were necessarily that far from each other, it was just that Y/n grew up much less fortunate than Harry (and he wasn’t very fortunate, to begin with). Her parents were only ever around at night since they worked all throughout the day. Y/n didn’t have a car—or much of anything, really—so Harry visiting her was really the only option they had when it came to seeing each other.

Despite the slight travel it took for them to be together, when they were together, they were together for a while. Whether it was long weekends or even an entire week, their entire relationship was really only built in the confines of her shared studio apartment. It was enough for them, though, at the time.

So between that year spent primarily in Y/n’s hometown, she had only ever had the chance of seeing Anne whenever she had dropped Harry off or picked Harry up. Sure, their parents had met for a small dinner and Anne did visit a couple of other times, but it was nothing how this planned week was going to be with her. Even Y/n is more excited than she expected to be.

“It’s beautiful, Harry. All of this is beautiful, I can’t wait to properly meet your mum.”

“Oh, me too!” He beams. "You have no idea, Y/n! I just know you are going to be acting like best friends by the end of the week! She already loves you so much and she’s going to love you more after this!”

Harry spends the rest of the car ride talking to Y/n about his life back in Cheshire. He talks about the holidays he spent with his family, all the friends he’s made from school and all the local shops, and even talks about what it's like at home. She finds him repeating himself an awful lot, as if his brain is operating hyperactively but Y/n doesn’t mind a bit. He carries such a love for his childhood that Y/n envies greatly, and his passion when it comes to his family and friends made her heart swell in an entirely different way.  

It’s when the taxi finally turns into his neighborhood does Harry really start to jitter. His legs keep bouncing, his hands keep moving his hair around, his breathing turns harsh, and the words he tries to speak keep stuttering from his mouth.

“We’re here!"

Before the taxi has the time to come to a complete stop at his driveway, Harry is already swinging the door open and nearly throwing himself onto the concrete. Y/n barely has time to follow after him as he begins to run to where Anne is standing by the front door.

“Mumma!”

“Harry!” Anne breathes out, tears already falling freely from her eyes as she begins to meet him halfway.

Harry’s body crashes with hers, his arms wildly moving around Anne’s back as he squeezes her against him. This is the first time he’s felt her in so long that the feeling of her holding him again mixed with her familiar scent—vanilla and cinnamon spice—is like all of Harry’s fondest memories coming back to him.

His mum is here, holding him, kissing his face like she’s never seen it before, sobbing into his shoulder with words he hasn’t heard her speak in years. The reality of it is hitting him so hard, it’s like the world around him disappears into absolute nothingness and his head begins to feel light, almost as if he feels he’s not really existing in this moment but God, he is. He really is.

He’s hysterical, cradling his mum’s head against his chest the way she did to him when he was a child. The tears from his eyes are falling upon her head and her tears are soaking through his t-shirt but neither of them care—neither of them feel it—because the only thing they feel is the overwhelming relief washing over their worries of never seeing each other again.

“Mumma!” He sobs again, his arms practically refusing to let her go, “I m—missed you so m—much, mum. I can’t—I can’t—“

“I know baby, I know.” She weeps. “I missed you so much, my darling.”

It took them twenty minutes before they decided it was time to let go from one another. Tears were still welled up in their eyes and their cheeks were stained from the fallen ones, and even through the blurry sight from the wetness does Anne notice how much Harry has changed throughout the years.

She remembers him being so much more frail, and the stable on his chin showed no sign of being before he moved. His hair is much shorter now than ever before and she has never seen her son so handsome in her entire life.

“You’ve grown up so much!” She exclaims, her hands pressing against his cheeks as she beams up at him. “Look at you, Harry! You’re such a man. You’re the man I always imagined you being and I am so proud of you.”

But I’m a failure he thinks. He’s done absolutely nothing but fail her and it’s something he’ll never be able to forgive himself for. He was her last chance of hope and he completely blew it. For her to stand in front of him and to look him in the eye and genuinely be so proud of him, Harry will never understand.

He shakes his head, though, refusing to let his negative thoughts get to him for the remainder of the trip. This is such a special time for him and he refuses to beat himself up—especially here, especially when he’s with his mum.

Instead, he diverts his attention to the woman in front of him. She’s his rock, his provider through all he’s been through, and the woman that gave him his life. He hadn’t seen her in six years and now that she is here, he notices how she’s still just as beautiful and lovely she looks—how he always remembered her being.

“But you, mum! You haven’t aged a bit! You still look not a day over thirty, I hope to God I get your genes; would be an utter blessing.”

Y/n watches fondly as Harry and Anne make up all the lost time, their nonstop giggles and soft murmurs the only things to be heard on this quiet part of town.

She smiles softly when she sees them hug for what must have been the tenth time since their arrival. It’s truly a wonderful sight to see and Y/n finds it especially heartwarming. She knew Harry has always been a mummy’s boy, but she never got to witness it firsthand, so watching the way Harry treats her—as if she truly is a delicacy—is really something else.

Y/n carefully carries her and Harry’s suitcases from the driveway to the front door, careful to not be too loud or noticeable to interrupt their reunion. She knows they wouldn’t care if she did, however, but she doesn’t want to break them from their trances.

“And Y/n!” Anne nearly screams when she sees Y/n walking in the corner of her eye.

There’s a gasp behind her words as her hands reach up to cup her mouth. The woman who captivated Harry’s heart and made all of this possible is standing right before her, eyes wide with a wide grin on her face.

She’s as beautiful as ever, with her face all natural and her hair swaying perfectly in the wind. Anne has seen Y/n plenty of times through Skype calls but they’ve never done her justice. She’s as close to perfection Anne has ever imagined and she starts to cry again as she stares at the love of Harry’s life.

Anne instantly wraps her arms around Y/n, who quickly drops the baggage she was holding to properly greet her back.

“You’re so beautiful! So much more beautiful than I remember!”

Anne pushes her away softly to get a better look into her eyes, which are gleaming with nothing but love and admiration. Anne clicks her tongue with a smile, her thumbs rubbing against Y/n’s cheek as she begins to speak.

“Thank you so much for everything that you’ve done for us. This wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you, my dear. And even though my Harry isn’t with me anymore, I am more than blessed to know he’s spending his life with somebody like you.”

Y/n lays her hands on top of where Anne has claimed hers against Y/n’s cheeks, almost as if to hold them in some type of appreciation or reassurance.

It’s calming to know that Anne doesn’t have any type of resentment toward her. Y/n has always felt like an intruder in Harry’s life, or a thief who’s taken him away from his family. Although that’s nowhere near the case, she always did have a fear that Anne would hold some tension with her.

Harry always reassured her that that’s something she never had to worry about, however, it was quite inevitable. But hearing Anne’s words in the sincerity that she spoke, all of the worries and doubts completely washed away.

“I would do anything for your son and I would do anything for his family. He is all I have, along with you, and I always put you guys first. I love him and I knew this was what he needed. I'm more than happy to have done this—for the both of you.”

Y/n leans in to hold her once again, for she has done nothing but bring positivity and love to both her and Harry throughout all the years. She deserves this as much as Harry does—if not more—and she won’t hesitate to keep her as happy as she makes them.

It isn’t long before Anne announces that she’s cooked lunch, which is waiting to be eaten upon the kitchen counter. She even grabs the suitcases before running back inside the house to finish setting the table.

“Not a real home cooked meal without a set table.” She’d always say.

Y/n and Harry are alone again. They’re standing on the patio, watching from the outside looking in on Anne moving in quick movements to make sure everything’s set in place. They giggle at her, admiring her from afar and embracing this undeniably beautiful feeling.

Y/n sighs contently before she makes the first move to go to where Anne is serving the food in the kitchen, but before she has time to even get her foot through the door, Harry’s got a hold on her wrist. He pulls her into him, where Y/n huffs from the unexpected collision of their chests.

“What are you—oh!"

His lips swallow the words she was previously speaking, his hand pushing her head right up against his so that her lips move deeper into his. He’s savoring the taste and embracing the feeling of her kisses, properly this time now that he’s not full of adrenaline.

“I fucking love you.” Harry growls when his lips are free from hers.

His fingers rake the hair from her scalp down to where the ends rest against her back, his eyes staring into her glossed ones as he keeps her close to him.

“What would I ever do without you, my love?"

[hopeflour-blog]

Burger Boy

Grayson College Au A/N: this is my first imagine ever. let me know if you like it or if you want a part 2. 

You were in your own world as you walked across campus with your earbuds in blasting music trying desperately to avoid awkward conversation with other members of your freshman class vainly trying to collect as many friends as they can to prove to their mother, and themselves, they really were ready to leave home. Considering it was now 1 pm and your day had started early at 7 with a shower to get ready for your 8 am class you wanted nothing more than to get to the dining hall and sink your teeth into those amazing smelling burgers.

The only thing standing in the way of you and lunch was some of the lacrosse team. You remembered the rowdy group of boys from the orientation week pep rally that glorified these well built boys. All the athletes you had contact with so far were also in your class. These particular group of meat heads were infamous. Especially the Dolan twins. Recruited straight out of high school, they were already legends and school had started just a week ago. Sure, they were extremely handsome but in all honesty they seemed kind of rude. They were always shouting about something and shoving their friends around. The loudest and the pushiest was the leader of the pack. None other than Grayson Dolan. He was the most attractive boy you’ve ever seen. Probably the most attractive boy to ever walk on earth but there was no way he’d ever give you a second thought other than maybe to ask you to move out of his way.

“Excuse me.” a deep voice from somewhere behind you said. As you blushed and moved out of the way you noticed it was in fact the god himself Grayson who had asked you to move out of his way so he could also get to the burgers. Impressed with his manners, you almost didn’t register the snickers from his teammates. Almost.  Mortified, hungry, tired and slightly annoyed you continued walking into the dining room finding your friend Natalie across the room who looked like she was equally as irked as you.

“Rough morning?” you asked as you set your food down.

“The worst. I don’t know why I decided to take bio, chem, and calculus all in one semester.” She grumbled as she angrily stabbed the salad in front of her.

“You know, you could just drop one of those classes. You don’t need to take every class the university offers in one semester. You will be here for four years.”

“Oh you’re one to talk Miss Double Major. How many different history classes are you taking this semester?”

“Three.” you said under your breath not wanting her to be right in this argument.

She rolled her eyes. “Exactly. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a chem lab to go suffer though. We’ll meet up after and go to the activities fair and check out the clubs?”

You lowly mumbled some form of consent as you pulled out your laptop ready to review the syllabus for your next class.

As you sunk into a seat towards the back of the classroom aimlessly scrolling through twitter you were relieved to see the european history class looked small and was void of any obnoxious lacrosse players. That was until a familiar voice asked if the seat next to yours was empty. Startled by the sudden noise in the previously quiet classroom your head shot up to spot the source of the question. Looking at you expectantly with his eyebrows raised was burger boy himself.

“Go ahead.” you said a little rudely hoping he would get the point that you wanted that seat to stay empty. Or at least empty of him.

“Thanks” Grayson replied as he sat down his things and eventually himself.

You watched him not because of his sheer good looks but you wondered how someone as big as him could possibly fit into the small desks the university placed into neat rows in every classroom. He felt your eyes on him and glanced your way winking when he noticed you were indeed staring at him. Thankfully the professor walked in at that moment so you didn’t need to explain the staring. The hour went by quickly. Most of the time was spent going over the course requirements and explaining attendance policies.

“5 minutes left. Normally I would let you go but I need to fill in this seating chart. I hope you like where you're sitting because these are your seats for the rest of the semester” the professor explained. You groaned internally when you remembered who was in the seat next to yours. How were you expected to do your best with this loud, gorgeous, obnoxious deity right there?

“Looks like we’re going to be buddies.” Grayson said after the professor stopped talking.

“I guess so” you replied carefully trying not to trip up your words and look like an even bigger fool.

“I’ll introduce myself properly then. I’m Grayson.” He said holding out a hand for you to shake.

“Y/N.” you answered shortly taking his big hand in your smaller one trying to ignore the blush you felt creeping up your neck.

“Nice to meet you.” He answered flashing a thousand watt smile of perfectly straight bright white teeth.

“Mhmm.” you mumbled.

“Class dismissed!” the professor declared

Relieved you started to pack up your things.

“I guess I’ll be seeing you around then.” Grayson said rubbing the back of his neck as he stood getting ready to leave.

“Yep.” you voiced bluntly hoping he would leave.

“Bye.”

“See ya.”

Weeks had passed and you barely noticed Grayson in your class. He was always quiet and never spoke up or said anything to you. That is until one day after class.

“Y/N! Wait up!” Gayson called after you.

“Yes?” you sad with much less attitude than the first time you spoke to him.

“I was wondering if you would help me. I am really falling behind in class. It goes so fast and I can’t keep up. Will you please tutor me?”

So that's why he was always so quiet. He was lost. “Sure.” you answered cooly.

“Awesome! Here’s my number. Text me your schedule so we can figure out the best time to meet up. I really appreciate this.” He explained smiling and writing a cluster of numbers on a corner of some paper he had in his pocket smiling as he anded it to you.

“No problem. Happy to help.” you answered surprising yourself with the kind words.

“You’re the best!” he exclaimed as he turned to run and meet one of his teammates down the hall.

You stormed into your dorm huffing as you threw your bag down onto the small bed.

“Class didn't go well? You love that one normally.” Natalie asked.

“No class was fine. What happened after is what was bad.” You half heartedly explained. You quickly pulled out your phone and sent Grayson your schedule. He answered quickly and you decided Thursday at 6 in the library was the best time for his tutoring. You were dreading it already.

At 5:55 you walked into the all too familiar library. You walked to the third floor where the study rooms were and picked the one you always use, texting Grayson where to find you when he got there. At 6:15 you were really considering leaving since he still hadn’t shown up yet but just as you were about to pack up he ran in, breathing heavily. “Sorry I’m so late!” he panted out “I was in the shower and lost track of time. I got here as fast as I could. I’m really sorry. Thank you so much for waiting.” he explained.

It amused you to see the usually cool and collected boy all out of sorts. “No problem. I don’t have anywhere else to be.” you answered. “Let’s get started.”

Time spent talking about ancient battles and kings and queens flew by and before you knew it it was almost 9 o’clock. “I think that’s enough for tonight.” You said with a yawn.

“Yeah,” Grayson agreed. “Thank you so much for your help. Same time next week?”

“Sure.” You answered.

“Jeez it's really dark outside. Let me walk you back to your dorm.”

“No. It’s fine. I wouldn’t want you to go out of the way.”

“Y/N, it will make me feel a whole lot better knowing you got back to your building safely.” Grayson insisted.

“Okay..” You were secretly relieved to have someone accompany you back to the building all the way on the other side of campus.

The walk was relatively quiet. The silence only being interrupted by the crickets now and again.

“Well, this is me.” you voice drifted off as you pointed to the tall prison like structure behind you.

“Thanks again. I really appreciate it” Grayson beamed at you.

“No problem.” As you turned to leave you felt something tug on your arm. Confused you turned around only to be met with that thousand watt smile again.

“You’re the best.” Gayson stated and then out of the blue leaned down and pressed a soft kiss onto your cheek.

“Good night” you uttered dumbfounded as he turned to walk away only looking back to wink at you.

When you got upstairs your roommate was in bed waiting to hear what you had to say about the study session with the jock.

“How was it?” she asked sitting up ready to hear all your complaints about the stupid athlete. “Incredible.” you breathed out still blushing from the kiss.

Maybe lacrosse players aren’t so bad after all.

[starlit-scifi]

Chapter 6

First•Previous•Next

It’s the last round of exams for this term, and it’s taking a toll on everyone. You feel like you’re drifting from class to class like so much space junk, on an aimless collision course with failure.

Or at least with Lori; she manages to keep her footing while you topple over like a baby animal, bits of technology and snack wrappers spilling out of your bag. You look up at her, mortified, and she cracks up.

“Sorry, sorry...” She pulls herself together, and helps you pick up the last of your stuff. “I really need to not read while I walk.”

“You do,” you say firmly. She helps you up, and you wince as you put weight on the knee that you fell on.

“You okay?” she asks, concern in her grey eyes, and holds onto you a little longer. It takes you a moment to remember how to breathe, then another to remember what she just asked you.

“I think so, I’ll just walk it off,” you say quickly, and she nods and lets go, still staring at you. “So… where are you off to?”

She blinks, then shakes her head, a tired smile on her face. “Sorry I’m so spacey, I barely slept. I have Ethics of—Well, it’s a mil class. Last week they decided the final would be a written exam. I have it tomorrow and it’s going to be a disaster.”

“Okay, you should probably be reading for that.” You raise an eyebrow. “In a more stationary manner though.”

She chuckles at that. “Will do. What are you doing later?”

You sigh. “Studying. Unconventional Bio, and Empires of the Fourth Sector. Both finals are in two days.”

She winces. “Good luck. Those sound awful.”

“Eh…” you really can’t defend either class at this point. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“If you want to take a break, let me know. I need to get caught up on Missing Frequency.”

You laugh. “The only thing you need to do is study for that exam!” She shrugs innocently, and you can’t help but smile. “...But sure. After last week—”

“I know! Kara makes me so mad, can’t she just…" she glances off to the side and you notice one of your instructors walking by. She clears her throat. “Anyway. I should get back to studying. And you, too,” she adds sternly.

You smile. “Will do.”

---

The rest of finals week goes by in an over-caffeinated blur, but you’re pretty sure you pass everything. With exams finally over, there’s a few weeks of downtime before the next term starts. Unity is too far away from most of the colonies for the majority of students to bother travelling back, and since room and board for short breaks is paid for while travel home is not, almost everyone but the richest of the rich decides to stay. In your social stratum, the name of the game is “networking”, which your generation understands as “party hard”.

Of course, there are rules. The mils can’t have anything on their side of the ship, and are expected to wake up and train as usual, as well as participate in “teambuilding activities,” which Manda says with a scary grin on her face that you’re not sure you want to understand. On your side, things are a bit more relaxed, especially in your hall since your hall director tends to be at the center of most of the rowdier parties. Since you’d rather be sober enough to walk the next morning, you tend to keep to your own room and hold quiet get-togethers whenever friends do come by.

It’s getting into what passes for evening when you and your typical bunch of year-mates are sitting in your room playing a virtual board game as you munch on hoarded cheesy snacks. Keegan makes a particularly risky move and somehow manages to win the entire game. Everyone groans, Hayleen throws a cheese puff at his head.

“Aurie, you need to restart your airscreen,” she whines, “It’s glitching up again.”

“Don’t pick on it, it’s sensitive,” you say faux-angrily, tossing a cheese puff at her. She bounces it off her nose and catches it in her mouth. Your polite gathering devolves into a snack-throwing contest, until you’re alerted that someone’s at the door. You dodge several flying cheesebombs as you go to answer it. No sooner does the door open than you are shoved out of the way.

“Delenz, your room is a mess! Demerits! Demerits for all of you!” You recognize the voice as Lori’s and grab a stray cheese puff and throw it at her. It hits her right in the forehead. She laughs and says, “You know, if I weren’t so impressed by your perfect aim I might actually give you a demerit for that.”

“Lori, you know we’re off duty,” Manda says with a chuckle, closing the door behind her.

“And thank the stars,” Lori groans.“You wouldn’t believe how much paperwork we’ve had to do tonight!”

“It’s all virtual, mostly pre-filled, even,” Manda points out, scooting her way into your circle of cheese dust and depravity.

“That doesn’t make it any less irritating,” Lori grumbles lightheartedly, and shoves herself in beside Manda. You dig out another bag of snacks and a couple bottles of water and hand them to the pair.

“How do you even get your hands on this much food?” Manda asks between bites of chips.

“My parents got me this ridiculous care package subscription service. Plus I take food to my room most of the time, and then I don’t eat a lot, so I just save the non-perishable sides for later…”

“Deeeeemerits,” Lori hisses evilly.

You giggle and elbow her. “You wouldn’t,” you tease.

“I could,” she returns. “Posters on the walls—”

“Approved sticky tapes,” you cut in.

“Unnecessary electronic devices.”

“That’s not a rule.”

“Unmade bed and messy desk area.”

You stick your tongue out at her. “Also definitely not rules.”

“Do you really have zero rules on this side?”

You shrug. “No excessive noise after school hours, no sleeping over on school nights, no fire hazards, all the common sense ‘living in space’ kind of rules.”

“Aaaand no illicit drugs,” Manda singsongs. Lori freezes. Her eyes widen and she turns around slowly.

“You didn’t.” Her voice is low and almost threatening.

Manda shrugs. “I might have…”

Her cheerful attitude does absolutely nothing to calm Lori down. “You know it’s—”

Manda turns and puts both hands on Lori’s shoulders. You’re the only one close enough to hear her say softly, “Lori. Poor kid wouldn’t have a home to go back to. And it’s tame stuff.”

Lori’s face turns red, and you can practically see the moral dilemma working up to a thunderstorm in her brain. Eventually she closes her eyes and lets out a long, tired sigh, sticks out a hand, and says, “Give it.”

Manda obliges, pulling a small opaque cloth bag from her pocket. Lori takes it from her, then grabs her by the fingers and delivers a swift and audible smack to the back of her hand. Manda hisses in pain and pulls herself free.

“That’s for stealing,” Lori growls.

“Fair,” Manda concedes. “Good shot, too. Three points.”

Lori lets out a victory screech and pulls up her airscreen to add another tally mark to a spreadsheet that shifts around before your eyes—you can tell by the few editors’ names you recognize that it’s some sort of mil thing, and you can infer that it’s probably a stupid one, and definitely unauthorized. You roll your eyes and get Manda a juice from your cold storage compartment. She nurses her hand as Lori makes the two other cadets in the room promise not to tell anyone. You look around at your handful of suppie yearmates. You’re not all totally close, but everyone in the room is someone you can trust with at least the little things. Hayleen shrugs at you, you shrug back.

So the little black bag sits in the middle of the circle. Manda takes it, pulls it open, and pours the contents into an empty bowl. There’s a dozen little colorful pearlescent spheres; you’d think they were candy if you didn’t know better.

Manda looks around at the people in your room. “Nobody’s had anything in the past twelve hours, right? Not even headache medicine?” A chorus of soft “no”s and shaken heads. “Then we’re all doing this, each and every one. So if anyone lets it slip, we all go down.”

“Fair,” Lori murmurs.

“It’s just a pill,” Manda says, rolling a tiny sphere between her fingers. “Drink enough water that it goes down.” She demonstrates, then passes the bowl to the guy to her left. You watch it go around, and obediently take your turn. You swallow it easily, and you finish your bottle of water just to make sure. As Lori picks one up, she says to Manda, “You know, I really hate you sometimes.” Then she pops it in her mouth and takes a swig of water.

Manda shrugs, grinning, and ruffles Lori’s hair as she gets up to dispose of the two remaining pills. You hand out more snacks, then bring up your video library on your airscreen and start scrolling. After much complaining and teasing, the majority of your little gathering agrees on Two Brides, A Sweektar, And Jon.

Lori groans as you press play. “I’ve seen that one way too many times.”

“So have I, but it’s the comedy classic of our generation!” You say, giving your best announcer’s voice.

She rolls her eyes. “It’s inane, vapid nonsense and the character development isn’t even good.”

You’re a bit confused, and you’re pretty sure the pills haven’t started working yet. Maybe. “It’s supposed to be a comedy, not…” Coming to a realization, you grin, nudging her with your elbow. “You’re actually really into those cheesy overdramatic romantic dramas, aren’t you?”

She looks away. “I refuse to respond to that question.”

You smile. “That’s cute,” you tease.

“You’re cute,” she fires back. “Like… really… cute,” she mumbles, and her cheeks get more red with every word.

It takes a couple moments for you to process what she said, but when you get there, you freeze, staring at her, and she meets your gaze steadily. She opens her mouth, then closes it. Swallows. Then opens it again and says, slowly and deliberately, “I am now aware that I am not totally sober anymore and I am not going to talk anymore because if I do I’m just going to keep saying stupid things all night that…” She pauses her rambling to take a breath. “That you shouldn’t listen to.” Her lip wobbles and it, very unreasonably, worries you.

“I… I’m getting you another water.” She nods stiffly and plops down on the floor, watching the opening credits with a very determined look on her face.

With your arms full of goodies, you can barely get a finger free to answer the door when the bell rings. You recognize the face on the screen and manage to press the unlock button. Manda enters, grinning widely, and very gallantly offers to help you with your burden. When you’re done distributing yet another round of snacks, you rejoin the circle and she slides in between you and the person to your right.

“Suppie boys are pretty,” she confides, leaning heavily against your shoulder. “Aaaand, I got contact info... and he says his room is just across the hall if I’d like to ‘hang out later’, he said.”

“This is a girls’ hallway,” you point out. Manda considers it for a moment, then shrugs.

“Well suppie girls are pretty then, and I still got a date,” she concludes.

You happen to glance at the other side of the room just as someone from your bio lab tosses a cheesy puff at you. You shriek and duck, and as you fling one back, you ask her teasingly, “Can’t you get demerits for sleeping over in another hall?”

She shrugs. “Eh. It’s only a problem if you’re loud.” She grabs another cheesy puff and nails Keegan right on the cheek, then turns back to you. “This whole hallway is being loud, if you haven’t noticed.”

It is a little loud, you decide as Manda abandons you to join the cheesy puff melee. Almost uncomfortably so. You pull the blanket off your bed, sit in the corner against your desk, and wrap yourself in it, soft fabric by your ears muffling everything. You close your eyes; it’s not like anyone’s really paying attention to the movie anyway, comedy classic or not.

A soft “I’m cold,” reaches your ears. And then a quieter, almost glum: “I’m also still not talking to you.” You peek out from under your blanket to see Lori sitting on the floor a foot away from you. She’s let her hair down, and glances at you through the loose strands before looking away again.

“Then I’m definitely not sharing,” you say as you scoot over and redistribute the blanket so Lori can wrap it around herself, too. She slides up against you, seeking warmth. You oblige, draping your arm across her shoulder so she can put her cheek against your chest. It’s awkward since she’s bigger than you, but somehow in her quest for a cozy spot you make it work.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. You know you’re easily overstimulated on this stuff; the noise of the party and the touch of your own clothing against your skin is nearly all you can take and feeling Lori against you is…

Actually, oddly, comforting. You feel warm, and it’s lulling you to sleep…

---

You wake up. The movie had to have ended hours ago and everyone who decided to spend the night is still asleep.

Including Lorina, you realize. At some point you must have both laid down on the floor, face to face, curled up under your blanket. She sighs softly in her sleep and draws closer to you.

And you’re warm, so warm, but it’s different from last night, somehow. Like you want to… you don’t know, you…

You wiggle yourself free and get up, making sure she’s still covered. You grab a pillow and attempt to nudge it under her head, but she grumbles something and wraps herself around it instead. That makes you smile, but you don’t have any idea where the lonely feeling in your chest comes from.

You make your way across the dimly lit room of sleeping people to secure the necessary supplies for taking a shower, cringing as you step on something crunchy. You’ll definitely need to clean up your room once everyone leaves, since at this point it’s probably messy enough for you to actually get a demerit or three from your incredibly lazy hall director… provided that she’s not too hungover to get out of bed.

As you make your way down the hall to the communal bathroom, you run into Manda. She’s wearing last night’s t-shirt and some sweatpants that don’t quite fit her, and carrying two covered bowls of whatever’s being served for breakfast today along with two bottles of juice. She smiles sunnily at you.

“Morning!” she sings out. “What’s got you up this early?”

“I dunno. I just woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep.”

She nods knowingly. “I can’t sleep with cuddlers either.” When you flinch, she grins and teases, “Don’t lie; I saw you two curled up together. It’s cute.”

“I didn’t— she didn’t— she said she was cold, so I just—”

She shakes her head and smiles, though there’s a little sadness in it. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me… And I don’t think you’ll need to explain yourself to Lori, either. She likes you, you know.”

“Of course she does, we’re partners.”

She shakes her head again. “That’s sweet. You’re a sweet person.” She stares at you for a moment, and you feel frozen in her sudden seriousness. “Take care of her, Delenz,” she says softly, a strange fierceness in her eyes. “You’re both going to need each other more than you think.”

And she puts on that sunny smile again, wishes you a good day, and flounces away.

You take a quick shower, and for some reason you don’t stop feeling naked even after you’re fully dressed.

Back in your room, people are starting to wake up. Keegan—bless him—has already recruited a couple people into cleaning up. You give him a thumbs-up of gratitude and he smiles back. Lori’s still sleeping, and when you shake her gently and ask if she needs to leave she mumbles “no” and wriggles away, so you just shrug it off and help clean in between giving people directions to the bathroom or back to their own halls. Eventually everyone is gone but the softly snoring blanket-covered lump on your floor. You go get (late) breakfast, and the sound of your return wakes her up. She sits up groggily and you plop down beside her.

“Good morning,” you say, and she yawns.

“Mmm… morning,” she mumbles as she sits up, still draped in your blanket. “How long was I asleep? What time—” She looks down at her wristscreen and curses. “I’m so getting in trouble for this.” She throws off the blanket and starts to hunt for her shoes.

Just then you get a (startlingly loud) message on your airscreen. You wince and quickly turn the volume down from movie-theatre-level before opening your inbox. The header shows a new message from Manda that’s tagged as important business, so you open it and load the attachment. It’s a screenshot of a forward of a forward of a badly-formatted schedule with a dozen names on it you don’t recognize, except for Manda Yu and Lorina Estevna, which are highlighted with bright pink glitter stickers. The message under the attachment is You’re welcome! accompanied by cheesy hearts and flowers, and signed Manda Yu. Lori slumps down on your bed.

“That girl,” she groans into her hands.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, she saved our butts, undoubtedly.” She shakes her head. “Who even knows what kind of strings she had to pull to get the schedule rewritten so last-minute, but we’re both off the hook for another… three hours? I owe her big time,” she mutters as she runs her hands through her hair. “…I also need a shower.” She turns guiltily to you. “Can I use your shampoo and stuff? I really shouldn’t be seen on the mil side right now.”

“Sure, no problem. You can borrow some clean PJs too if you’d like; I have plenty.”

She accepts graciously and you send her off to the bathrooms. The door closes and you return to your oatmeal, lukewarm and pasty with the gross-tasting kind of artificial fruit on it. It tastes like nothing in your mouth, but you’re determined to get through it because you know you just need something in your system at this point. After a few minutes you give up and just stare into the half-empty bowl, your mind whirling.

She thinks I’m cute.

She’s my partner.

We totally cuddled last night.

But she’s my partner.

I definitely really like her.

But she’s…

She comes back in; you hear her footsteps pause and then speed up. She kneels beside you and rests a hand on your shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”

You struggle to open your eyes, and for a moment all you see is blurriness and a tangle of eyelashes.

“I’m fine,” you lie.

“Are you sure?”

You shake your head, desperately trying not to cry. “I’ll be fine, this just… happens with this stuff,” you try to say it firmly, but it comes out more strained than you meant it to. “I’m just…” You feel your nails digging into your skin through your pajama pants. “Sleep-deprived, that’s all.”

“...Okay.” There’s concern in her voice, and that hurts more than anything else.

You hesitate, then lean against her shoulder. She’s warm, and her hair’s still wet, and she smells like your body wash and that makes you feel a hundred things you can’t begin to name. “I’m sorry,” you murmur.

“For what?” She slides her arm around you, and though you’re grateful for the bit of comfort, you can’t help but feel you’ve betrayed her.

“Being a mess, and you getting stuck here all night, and—the pills…”

She sighs. “It’s not a big deal.” You look up at her and she gives a tired half-smile. “Really. This all could have gone a lot worse. I’m not mad at you; if anything I’m mad at Manda… but even then I can’t be anything but grateful for her.” She laughs. “Stars know I don’t need any more punishment duty.” She gets a call and pulls away with a sigh to answer it. “Speak of the devil—ah, crap, it’s a video call.”

“It’s a video call to you too, sweetie,” Manda’s cheery voice comes from Lori’s airscreen. “How are you two doing?”

“Fine, thanks,” she grumbles, then exclaims, bewildered, “Wait, how did you know—”

Manda rolls her eyes, grinning. “You had to crash sometime. You haven’t slept more than five hours a night for the past week and a half. You barely slept at all during finals.”

“That’s—!” Her head hangs in defeat, though you don’t miss her sideways smile. “That’s actually true. You win.”

“I know I do, hence my very high score, which you need to catch up to.” She grins mischievously. “Delenz, keep that one away from the caffeine, you hear? Or I will give you demerits.”

You giggle. “Yes, ma’am.”

She blows a kiss. “Stay warm, lovebirds!” Manda hangs up before Lori can get another word out, so she settles for tossing the device onto the pile of blankets beside her. Lori’s face is thoroughly pink as she tells you, “Don’t take her seriously, please.” She’s almost begging, and it makes your stomach feel all funny—actually, that’s probably the oatmeal.

“I won’t,” you promise.

“Good.”

Silence. It’s awkward. It seems to be growing as quickly and boundlessly as the known universe itself. To counteract the endless pull of strange and unmeasurable forces propelling you towards saying or doing something exceedingly stupid, you opt for shovelling cold, congealed oatmeal into your face as Lorina’s fingers whirl across her airscreen.

When your sad excuse for breakfast has become totally inedible, you flit around your room cleaning aimlessly as Lori dozes off again until her time is up. She wakes up with a jerk when you put a hand on her shoulder, but quickly collects herself and gets ready to leave, promising to return your stuff as soon as she possibly can.

As soon as she’s gone, you flop down on your bed and cry out in frustration into your pillow.

First•Previous•Next

[ourfosterlove]

Sunday Six

1) It’s so amazing to me how different babies are. I mean, ultimately all babies are seeking to get their needs met. But their personalities are so present so young. For instance, Bean Sprout, from his tiny preemie days, loved the beginning of church when the music was going. He’d take a bottle just before the music started, then blissfully nap until the music stopped. Holtzy wanted to sleep so badly but couldn’t until the music was over. It’s delightful.

2) Busy day tomorrow. Juni has her 5 year physical, Holtzy has his 2 week checkup, and then Holtzy has a 2 hour visit. Definitely nervous about visit- new place (different office than where Juni and Bean Sprout’s case was), new worker, new bio family to meet. Navigating the beginning stuff is always so tricky. I’m hoping to also snag the worker and find out if there are any details I need to know about- initial court has to be coming up soon, plus permanency planning and who knows what else.

3) We made a small photo album of some of Holtzy’s newborn shoot pictures and some other random ones we’ve taken over the past two weeks as well as a print of his footprints. I hope birth mom likes it.

4) Juni asked today if she’ll need a shot tomorrow at the doctor. I told her no, I didn’t think so. She said, “Well, if they try to give me a shot, I will just say NO THANK YOU.”

5) Preschool is over next month, what?! How did that happen? I think we’re enrolling Bean Sprout and Juni both in the school’s summer program- it’s two days a week for five hours and it will give the kids some away-from-us time (which they need occasionally, especially Juni), and some time for us with Holtzy one-on-one. The only downside is that it makes my wallet cry.

6) M is making me something chocolate in the kitchen, and that is how I know she is Best Wife. I am completely caught up on Holtzy’s laundry, semi-caught up on Bean Sprout’s, Juni’s room is not at all a disaster, and all the bottles are washed (and sterilized, bc stupid thrush.) I think we can call this night good.

[kaayafaye-blog]

Writer and Fear of Social Media

Visiobibliophobia or prosopobibliophobia is the fear of social media which can either be because you have commitment issues or because you have a fear of rejection. Either way if your answer is yes, then we are on the same page. And, we are not alone. But, it is surprising how less this is talked about. Social media may be all hip and happening but it is also scary and fad for some. Being a content writer, I see how many people approach us to write their Facebook and Instagram bio. We spend hours thinking which emoji will increase sales. It is serious, funny, and stupid at the same time. I remember when I started my blog, I was super nervous. It was hard to connect it to social media, especially because my Facebook is full of family members and close friends. The fear of coming out as yet another #wannabewriter was real. For almost 1 year I wouldn’t dare sharing my posts on Facebook. I, with some guts, created a Facebook page. But again, I could not publish it. When, I finally published the page, I unpublished it within a week.  

  Talk about social media being boon, huh! Okay, let’s be honest, it is a boon. Put to it this way, the social media is a platform and I have stage fear. “Urgh! Boring articles.” or “Typical angrezi poems.” were some of the most dreaded statements that scared my ass off. But, here I am writing another article. How did I grow out of the social media terror? Um, honestly? I didn’t. Except my website post, there’s hardly anything I post on my feeds. There are like 50,000 social media guides asking writers to use 30 hashtags, post 3 times a day at so-and-so o’clock, keep a track of their follower’s interest, like a 50,0000 photos a day, and follow who-is-who of social media fame. Dammit, do I have a life outside Instagram and Facebook! But, again. Am I a blogger without an audience? So, how do you get past this hell of a gallimaufry?  

1. Have Some Confidence in Yourself

You can do it. Commitment, consistency, and persistence are super hard. They can make you sweat, your heartbeat jump, and your mind anxious. But, there is no other way to success that going through them rather than around them. Around is a lengthy process - and way more time taking. Sometimes, you end up before reaching your destination. Even if you do not have any self control, you can still try. Try is a life saver and do not forget about the “what if” game. What if, I actually write and publish consistently? I actually became famous? All my dreams are realized? It works out? I were being a total nutcase for doubting yourself? Begin with small goals. There is no need to start a blog with an aim to publish each day or every week. 4 posts a month is also a pretty cool target and does not even sound tough. You can totally kill it! Try not to procrastinate because research shows that procrastination eats the same amount of energy as doing what you are not doing. Procrastinating will only mean one thing - double efforts. Write it. Get over it. Lead a happy life. Or may be go back to sleep.  

2. Have Some Confidence in Your Art

The biggest fear in me comes from doubt - “Will my readers like what I have to say?”. I am pretty sure many of us share this fear. But, let’s try to improve instead of molding ourselves to get a false fan base. I see poets copy each other all the time. You could just look at some poets feed and tell which famous public figure’s feed is imitated here (hint: most likely Atticus, Perry Poetry, or Rupi Kaur). Stick to your originality - we already have a Shakespeare and a J.K. Rowling. Sure, some people are going to like you, some are going to hate you, and others won’t care you exist. But, that is totally normal. It happens with me all the time - at home, in school, in college, at office, everywhere. It happens with Emma Watson too. Just because 200 people on Instagram don’t like your stuff doesn’t mean the rest of 7,530,399,800 won’t find you absolutely awesome. Ever heard the story of the poet Henry Charles Bukowski? Today, Wikipedia introduces him as ‘poet’, ‘novelist’, and ‘short story writer’. But, what was he before all of this? He was a wandering hobo who took up many odd jobs until Jon Edgar Webb found him in 1960s. Bukowski wrote thousands of poems and published over 60 books. He was known for his explicit imagery and profane language. However, he never changed just to try to impress a bunch of people. Born and brought up poor, he hardly had any fear of losing what he was generously offered - money and reputation. Well, you can be that kind of risque by sticking to your writing style.  

3. Hush That Stupid Voice in the Mind

I read somewhere “Our brains are designed to be efficient not accurate.” Next time your brain tells you that you won’t be able to make it, tell yourself he is just being your nit-picky aunt again. Your negative thoughts are your defense system, satisfy them with a plan B not by dropping your dream plan A. Sure you are gonna make it. Sure you are gonna be a famous poet. That novel is going hit the best-selling list. You are going to have your big, huge, humongous fan base. Do not forget that J.K. Rowling or Stephen King were not found on Facebook or Instagram.  

4. Ping The House - Being Traditional Ain’t That Bad Either

Keep honing your writing skills and sample your best poems or story outlines to send to a publishing house. Did someone just call me insane? If you are waiting since forever to take this leap of faith then I think you know who is insane. What could go wrong? They will reject you, big deal! I remember having a chat about getting published with an aunt and she said “If you are not rejected by 20 publishers, then you have written nothing great.” This may not sound meaningful but it is. Only mediocre stories and poems are a safe zone. Write 5 liners about losing love, women empowerment, being self-sufficient and you are good to go. But, do you really wanna do that? Do you really want to write something that you yourself are bored of reading? Well, then take chances and hustle without losing confidence, intention, and positivity.  

5. Do Not Leave Your Day Job

Been there, done that, currently working in IT. I took a 6-months’ break thinking the day job is not leaving me enough time to write anything. What did I write in those 6 months? Hardly anything at all. I was too messed up in my mind about being broke. Find a middle way - say take a job that leave you soon or that gives your enough space to write for yourself. Sure there is going to be the ideal job somewhere, probably waiting for you. This way, you will not have to worry about earning through your write ups. Once that kind of pressure if off you, you will feel less compelled to appease anyway with your writings. A free bird chirping its own song!  

6. Do Not Compare

You might be comparing someone’s middle with your beginning, which is, unrealistic.  

7. Shrug and Move On with That Post

#postalltherightthings Despite everything said and done, the fear of posting the wrong thing remains as horrifying as ever before. The neck-chocking-crotch-kicking compulsion of posting only the best quotes, pictures, and headlines have curtailed possibilities of trying anything new. I still struggle with what to post. I post and delete, post and delete, and stick to delete because I cannot decide whether the picture goes with the rest of my feed. Does it go with the palette I have decided? The color scheme? The theme? I really have to remind myself it is my feed not a theme park. I can say what I want, how I want, and in color of my choice. So can you.   These mantras help me from getting bummed by social media. I can write that which I want to write without worrying about the day when I will finally hit 1M on Instagram or be pursued by Neil Patel. Read the full article

[feedbaylenny]

I hate lazy people (and stupid ones, but that’s a blog for another time).

I can understand being sick. Last year, I showed up to work sick for three weeks since I wasn’t contagious and learned two lessons. First, I wasn’t appreciated and second, going to the doctor instead of assuming the bug would go away on its own would’ve gotten rid of it quicker.

Don’t know something? Then research or call! If you’re in the media, then your audience deserves better: all your effort to find the truth, wherever it is.

This morning, the author of one of my favorite blogs, FTVLive’s Scott Jones, showed how KYTV in Springfield, MO – News, Weather, and Sports in the Ozarks – copied an MMJ’s (multi-media journalist) biography from her old station’s website! I wonder if she did anything worth mentioning at that old station that could be included now.

http://www.ky3.com/content/bios/415143313.html

I just checked minutes before 9pm and it’s still there, more than 12 hours after most of the (TV) world found out. That mistake should not have been made. When I was Digital Media Manager, I wouldn’t publish a bio on the web until I approved it, and then the news director did the same.

But whatever the mistake is, it should be corrected or deleted as soon as possible. (Or “clarified,” as so many prefer to call errors, these days.) Does KY3, as it’s known and not to be confused with a Philadelphia station, need a Digital Media Manager?

I really wanted to give the MMJ a little credit since she probably publishes her news stories on a daily basis but not bios, which are not posted nor updated frequently. That’s why there’s a Digital Media Manager.

Unfortunately, Jasmine Dell’s resume on her blog doesn’t even include KY3! I’m not going to show you the link to download a Word copy of her resume which (not so bright) includes her name, complete address including apartment number; city, state and ZIP; and personal phone number and email address. Actually, I almost could since it’s all from when she worked at her former station, except the personal phone number and email address.

But you have to smile when her blog homepage contains the sentence,

“I am motivated to produce the best news results, media outcomes, and be successful when faced with challenging issues.”

Maybe she’s just slow.

What about WTXF-Fox 29 in Philadelphia, where I used to work? Its station history hasn’t been updated in YEARS! It even says so on top.

http://www.fox29.com/news/station-history

This 100th blog of mine continues with all the problems with this article – plus similar articles from Fox stations and FoxNews.com on Roseanne’s cancellation. I think I found the source. Now, I want to know, did they lie or stretch the truth?

So don’t look for American Idol, Bones nor Glee on Fox29, despite what the station claims. They are wrong and you know it, especially with Idol, since the other two shows ended quietly, but Idol made news when it went to the competition.

Quincy was such a gentleman when my parents visited

Also, no 11pm news and no The Q with Quincy Harris. Nah! Little oversights. They can’t be important, despite the months planning each!

Managers should know what they’re putting out on all platforms (not just over the air) since they’re responsible for it, and they should probably take a comprehensive look at all of their pages at least once a year and discuss whether the sitemap meets current needs.

Fun time with Bob Kelly

Also this morning, Good Day Philadelphia had a reporter at Field Day at Holy Cross Regional School. Traffic guy Bob Kelly, who I worked with twice, did “Kelly in the Classroom” segments and even some outdoors if they involved learning.

Today, it was Jenn Fred instead and she must’ve done two segments that were nearly identical and both spectacular, since both appear on the homepage Top 5 under Good Day Philadelphia with nearly the same headline.

Yeah, Jenn. They really know how to show they care about your work!

And they couldn’t come up with five different stories for the Good Day part of the homepage? (Miss you! Feel free to comment below how we worked together on story selection, titles, etc., so we looked the best possible on whatever story you were working on everyday!)

Of course, the mother of all Fox laziness is exemplified in this article I brought you back on Jan. 27. Fourteen different stations used identical copy!

https://cohenconnect.com/2018/01/27/facebook-twitter-and-fox-fox-x-14/

So let’s take a look at how Fox handled today’s Roseanne cancelation, in channel number order.

KTTV, Los Angeles

WTVT, Tampa

WTXF, Philadelphia

I’m not going to bother to look at any more stations, since the first three I examined were the same (and that includes L.A., where this was local news). I’ll bet the number goes to about 14, like with that last story.

Each one’s second paragraph read,

“‘Roseanne’s Twitter statement is abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent with our values, and we have decided to cancel her show,’ (ABC Entertainment president Channing) Dungey told Fox News.”

Pardon me, but I’m going to claim B.S. The reason is this 2:01pm (ET) tweet from Robert Iger, Chairman and CEO ABC’s owner, The Walt Disney Company:

https://twitter.com/RobertIger/status/1001523982997143552

Do you notice Iger quoted Dungey’s same three words – abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent – and then his ending? Now, take a look at the top story on ABC Entertainment’s website. It’s actually from the Associated Press!

Pardon me if I’m wrong, but those are the same exact words on the bottom of this part of the A.P. article ABC Entertainment carried, so why do the Fox station articles feel special with their attribution even though they end with the same phrase?

I’m referring to those three words – abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent, and the ending that followed everywhere – shaded above. Was Fox News or anybody associated with the company’s stations given special access to ABC Entertainment’s president and able to add

“Dungey told Fox News?”

I don’t think so.

Is it because someone at Fox is a liar or stretched the truth? I think absolutely.

Now, let’s narrow down who the alleged liar or stretcher is. We’ll start by examining the end of each of those local Fox stations’ articles.

I’m not sure the lead-in to the ABC tweet makes any sense following a reference to Roseanne’s, but click here for that article the stations link to, which is supposed to contain the full story.

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2018/05/29/abc-cancels-roseanne-after-barrs-racist-tweet.html

It’s from FoxNews.com – the folks in New York who work with the network, rather than the stations. It’s longer but uses the same three words, with the same phrase that follows, in the third paragraph – as if the president of ABC Entertainment spoke specifically to Fox News, which I doubt is true.

So I clicked Sasha Savitsky, the author credited with the FoxNews.com article (below its headline). Up came her Twitter account which I used to get to the bottom of my question about whether the president of ABC Entertainment spoke specifically to Fox News or anybody associated with the company’s stations, as she reported. Her work email address was pinned to the top of her Twitter account.

https://twitter.com/feedbaylenny/status/1001593880851214337

I emailed Sasha Savitsky at 7:10pm tonight after Tweeting her at 6:39pm. (Both are above). I don’t know her work schedule, but

Her article says it was updated three hours ago. (Above, it said just one hour, but blogs can take longer to write than I estimate they will. In this case, I hadn’t imagined going digging like this over something that might seem minor to some, but the information may not be true and it was republished on dozens of “news” websites around the country.)

She probably has access to her Twitter account at all times, since she works for a network and mobile technology is inexpensive.

And I promise I’ll let you know as soon as Sasha gives me an update. (No white lies, stretches or exaggerations here!)

And Roseanne, among my thoughts concerning you is one I’ve shared four times on this blog this year alone (from the beginning: here, here, here and here). Only owners are entitled to the First Amendment. The rest of the public cannot use the public airwaves, even if they deserve to more than the license-holder (which is probably most of the time since corporations hold multiple licences – dozens – and their CEOs are not spread out around the country to ensure broadcasting for local audiences).

It’s after 9:20pm. No word from Sasha, Jasmine’s bio looks the same and Fox 29’s station history article is just as bad. So you’re up to date.

Take that from someone who just published his 100th blog and can’t imagine how many readers’ hit-lists he has made!

Please, if you like what you read here, subscribe to CohenConnect.com with either your email address or WordPress account, and get a notice whenever I publish. I’m also available for writing/web contract work.

The lousiness of laziness and liars I hate lazy people (and stupid ones, but that’s a blog for another time). I can understand being sick.

[grandmaster-flashraf]

.

This is just me trying to get all of my emotions out of my person so I can focus on studying for my last 2 exams this semester so if you read this and feel any sort of emotion at all whatsoever then yay I did a thing. I'm literally just venting but I don't want to just write it down and I know writing some fkn tumblr post about it is corny as fuck but oh well I don't want to write it on paper only to throw it in the trash. So basically on February 4th 2017 I tried to overdose on Tylenol because I just couldn't deal with my life anymore and frankly I'm feeling the same way now as I did on that day but maybe getting these feelings out will somehow get rid of it. When I was younger I thought I was just above relationships, that they weren't for me at all and I couldn't see any future version of me being in a relationship with a girl. I thought kissing and the idea of sex was nasty unlike people around me who in grade 6 were already turning into little horny animals. I was so high and mighty in my own mind thinking hah I won't be distracted by girls I don't like them at all screw relationships. Then I realized; oops, I like boys, not girls. But being in a middle eastern Muslim family didn't exactly make that easy and so I kinda bottled up that feeling. Apparently I wasn't very good at it though because supposedly it showed in the way I walked and talked and carried myself as a person. My dad had his suspicions and for some reason thought my brother had sexually harassed me which is genuinely disgusting to me especially considering that this is my only brother now that upon hearing about this part of me didn't try to make me change it. So anyways he asks me about this and if I'm gay and I deny both because the first is outright disgusting and the other I'm not ready to share. He basically pushes me further into the closet when he tells me that if I'm gay he can just take me back to Egypt and I can marry a girl there and have a family. Oh I forgot to mention this was when I was like 12 or 13, so needless to say I didn't take it very well. So there's me just trying to get good grades in elementary school because, you guessed it, I was (and frankly still am) an overweight socially awkward child. All I had was a slight predisposition to be intelligent. So life goes on and I do make friends and form bonds with people, but never get into any relationships. Then high school was a thing and I went to a high school where I knew like 5 people going into grade 9. That was probably the most uneventful year of my life until I fall in love with theatre at the end of the year and decide to start doing improv in grade 10 and throughout high school I find joy in it. I make more friends and become closer with the people around me, but still not really impressing anybody at home with anything I do. My love of performing was pushed down by my doctor dad, and when I came home from an actual scripted show I performed and won the competition that night, all I get is the remark that I can focus on school again because all this stupid theatre stuff is over. It's funny how I became so interested in something so looked down upon by my parents, and honestly a huge part of me loved performing and I definitely liked that something I loved to do also pissed off my dad. I also perform at a coffee house event and when my parents find out that the funds were going to support LGBT homeless youth my mom tells me they deserve to be homeless because they might as well have killed somebody and my dad just outright gets mad. So then I'm deciding to go to university to study math, and I was pretty good at it coming to the end of high school. I get accepted to an actuarial science program and I tell my parents I want to accept my offer, but to no avail. They make me take another offer to a science program. I enjoy science, but I had just put in so much effort into researching actuarial science programs and learning about future career opportunities that having my dream thrown under the bus was gut wrenching. They also make me move into an apartment in the same building as my grandma, a 30 minute bus ride from campus. But I'm excited because at least in this city I can just be myself. Even though I had uncles and aunts also living in that city, I was going to take the opportunity to just be myself and not hide my sexuality. I came out to a handful of my close friends in high school, and honestly with the way I was acting I was overcompensating for the fact that I hadn't actually just come out by liking stereotypical gay guy things like Beyoncé and lady gaga and that's a part of why I did theatre too. But regardless, my dad must've predicted that I wanted to be myself when moving to this city because he told me one of his doctor friends said that I'd been fucking guys all throughout high school, keep in mind that I literally never went to a single party because I was barely ever allowed out of the house after dark. He told me that if I was gay I should just wait until he's dead because this would kill him anyways. That he'd never be able to look any other family member in the eye when he has a gay son. That I should watch out in this city because I have other family members in the city who know people and if word gets out everybody is going to know. I don't know to this day what he expected to come of that conversation. He wanted me to change the way I walked, talked, and moved my hands around while I talked, but that person was the one that got accepted to the every university he applied to. I had adhered to every single rule put on me my entire life, and still being me just fucking wasn't enough. We had this conversation while my mom was visiting my sister and her newborn kid, and this was also the day before I was going to drive to this new city and move the rest of my things into this apartment. I had sushi the next day with a close friend of mine who knew I was gay but didn't tell her about what my dad told me. I don't go home from university until one of my other siblings is getting married. I'm the youngest of 7, and when my parents got married they each had 3 kids of their own and they together just had me, so there's a pretty big age gap between my siblings and I. So this brother of mine is getting married over thanksgiving weekend in October and I'm stuck with my family in a hotel trying to study for midterms but being forced to do a bunch of wedding stuff because the wedding planner just disappears as usual. That whole weekend just stressed me out, but I still did okay on my midterms. It wasn't until around the end of October where I went home for 2 days because we had a study break from school Thursday/Friday followed by the weekend. My dad asks me that weekend if I can promise him that he'll see me get married to a girl and have a child before he dies and I just agree and brush it off but I know what his intentions were with that comment. So I leave home early and head back to my apartment because I'm not putting up with that kind of bullshit anymore. But it had to manifest into something so I started self harming. Wow cutting yourself in 2016 so edgy. But anyways I literally just couldn't function anymore so I went to a 24 hour crisis centre in my city and just spill all of this information on to one of the counsellors there. I forget her name, but she was an older white woman who was very aware of the fact that she couldn't understand the cultural implications of my situation, but I still wanted to just try and talk it out. I have it in my head that I just need to become a doctor or successful whatever and then tell my family I'm gay and at that point when I'm financially independent they can't touch me. I confide this is one of my friends from high school and he tells me that he cares about me but can't help me from where he is and that I need real help. He also tells 2 of my other best friends from high school about my situation. All of them knew I was gay but they were so genuinely worried about me that I just carried myself on. So the end of my first academic term comes around and one of my best friends calls me telling me she'd overdosed. I was in the library studying for my calculus final so I panic and call somebody else close to her to go get her asap. I don't know how I managed to stay calm and get her help while simultaneously getting the highest mark I've ever gotten on an exam the next day while thinking about one of my friends being in a hospital without me there. I just finish my exams and I don't actually end up seeing her over the winter break. I say break with a grain of salt because it definitely wasn't a break for me. I left my car at my apartment because there wasn't space for it with all my siblings visiting, so I couldn't leave the house for basically 3 weeks. On top of that I didn't have a room to stay in, just a mattress in the basement next to some gym equipment nobody used. My dad tried to make me use it, and came down multiple times a day to tell me I should use it instead of laying around all day. I'm pretty sure that this lack of a break is what really pushed me over, but it was still only December heading into 2017. I was exhausted from finals and wanted to relax, but life didn't award me such luxury. I headed into the second academic term mentally exhausted, still didn't go home at all. I had a chem midterm Friday February 3rd and then a bio and physics midterm Saturday the 11th. Oh, and another one of my close friends tries to overdose in January, once again I'm the first to know about it and I freak out and call her roommate. She gets the help she needs and because she told me so early they flushed her system fast and she was out of hospital a day later. I feel bad that I don't remember exactly what day it was. So after my chemistry midterm that I studied for the entire week, I tell myself that February 4th is going to be a productive day of more studying for my next two midterms. I did absolutely nothing all day and at around 6 or 7 pm I decide I want to die. But I know I'm too much of a bitch to just take the pills, so I drink some vodka and 30 Tylenol 500mg each. I found something online that said how much Tylenol was lethal, and calculated it based on my body weight how many I needed to take. By the time I was taking the pills I'd sobered up and didn't take enough of them for my weight. I bitched out. Thought I'd be fine and I just went to sleep. I woke up the next morning vomiting bile. One of my high school friends snapchats me something funny, but I ignore it and respond to him telling him what I did. We go to the same university, so he's just a bus ride away. Still, his response is just "wtf why did u do that." And when I respond telling him why, he never opens it. So a few more hours go by and I'm going back and forth between my bed and my bathroom every 20'minutes or so until I message one of my friends I've made here at my university. I tell him what I've done and he does the responsible thing of telling his parents who also live in the city and they call an ambulance. At this point I'm so defeated I give them my address and the ambulance shows up. Nobody sees me get taken out of the building. I forgot a phone charger though, and that was just another mistake I made that day. So I get to the nearest hospital and they ask me if I want my emergency contact to be called. It's my mom, and because I'm 18 I decline. I don't want any family to know I'm there. I have blood work done and they put me on an IV. I'm falling behind on schoolwork by the second but I have my phone so I ask my nurse if she has a phone charger. They don't have any laying around the hospital, but she says I should call a friend and have them come see me. I really regret putting my friends through all that stress. They don't deserve it. I call one of my friends who I've known since elementary school. He lives on campus. I tell him I tried overdosing and I can hear him tear up. I feel bad because I hear people around him so I know that must've been embarrassing. He's one of the three friends who in November knew how I was feeling. I guess he tells my other friend from another school who told him about it, and then this friend calls me, also tearing up. I still remember exactly how he sounded on the phone. He calls the last friend from November who knew how I was feeling, and she's also the one who overdosed back in January. She calls me, and as we're talking my phone dies. She didn't cry at all; she was stronger than me. As my phone dies my friend on campus that I called shows up with my other friend that I Snapchatted that morning. I just feel embarrassed at this point. I'm in a stupid hospital robe and I'm just over exposed while laying on a hospital bed in emerg. They're shocked when they walk in. They start of by just acting normal but eventually the conversation just takes a turn and they're concerned for why I didn't talk to them. I always just felt like a burden on people, I always wanted to be self sufficient. That's where my plan of waiting until I'm financially stable came from. I didn't say that to them. I just say I don't know, and at the time I couldn't formulate any reason why so basically I really didn't know. What I knew is that I had friends to cared about me. After they left, my friend who tried to overdose in December took a bus from her different city to come visit me at 1am. I told her not to come but I'm so glad she did. She sat with me and talked to me like a normal human being, and stayed up all night. I fell asleep in my bed but she stayed up all night doing her psychology work, and I woke up in the morning with a note from her that I still keep on my phone case behind my phone to this day. She had to catch her bus back at 7:30 am because she had class that day, but still she came to visit. I see more and more people that day to ask me questions but it took me until Tuesday to see the psychiatry team. I was feeling better emotionally, but physically just gross. I hadn't showered or changed since Friday or Saturday. My facial hair was nasty too. The first person from the team who sees me is an Indian guy. We connect immediately, and he understands my perspective and the significance of my situation. He was only a student doing his residency though. The other three team members were old white women who basically gave me the decision to stay in the hospital for 2 more weeks or call my family for support and to come out to them officially. One of them even had the audacity to even ask me "do you really think they don't know you're gay." That struck a cord, and to this day I still hate that bitch. But Wednesday I called my brother, the one who my dad thinks made me gay, and I tell him what happened. He calls my parents and starts to drive to where I am but he's farther away than they are, so they get to me first. The first thing my dad says to me is that he knew I was at a high risk for this kind of thing. I thought at the time he meant to OD, but soon after I realized it was still the gay thing. I let him talk and tell me all this bullshit, but he just goes on and on about how put all the gays on an island and we'll die off, how it's not in our genes to be gay, and that this was my choice. He also said that I'm the one who chose the program I went into and chose to live off campus. He said all of this was on me. He and my mom came to this hospital to tell me that everything was in my head. I couldn't believe it. Then my parents asked me who else from my hometown knew so they could "deal with it" whatever that means. They asked me who I was having sex with, and that if my guy friends were really just people I was having sex with. It was the most demeaning experience I've ever had in my life. But my brother showed up and shut it down. I don't know how, but he did. We were speaking in Arabic the whole time, and disagreed entirely on just about everything we talked about in that hospital except for the fact that I needed to leave asap. The next day my parents and brother spoke to the psychiatry team and by some stroke of luck got them to lift my form and let me leave. My mom stays with me for the next 3 weeks and psychiatry sets me up an appointment with a professional at the university to talk to for some follow up. In the meantime I've missed a week of class and have to get my midterms moved from the 11th because I left the hospital Thursday afternoon and no way I could write them in less than two days. Walking on to campus the next day with a doctors note saying I was in the hospital was the most embarrassing moment of my life. I was so out of touch with how to interact with people. I walked up to an academic counsellor to ask her what I needed to do to get my exam moved and missed assignments taken care of and she told me to go fill out a form. While I was filling it out she said "maybe you should ask somebody else next time how this works or just look it up online ahead of time." I had almost burst into tears right there in the academic counselling office but I got everything moved to the next week and tried to make things go back to normal but everybody treated me differently. Only one of my new friends I had made new what happened because he's the one who called the ambulance and I had 5 high school friends who knew. My family was still all over the religion thing and how being gay was just wrong and it not even being a religion thing. My sister called me while I was waiting in the hospital for my parents and brother to come but I was still balling my eyes out to the nurse on duty about it so my sister found out and told me that I shouldn't act on it because we all have to do our best to be good Muslims. I just told the new friends I had made in university that I was sick in the hospital, not that I had actually put myself there. I think I might be more open with them after exams are over because I can't put that burden on them while we're stressed about exams and school. I just feel like utter trash. I'm 3/5 of the way done exams and gotten marks back for 2 courses already, and my marks have dropped another 10% from first semester on top of the 10% I dropped between high school and first semester. I need an 80% average to keep my scholarship for next year and I'm pulling it way too close. I'm a part of the orientation program for first year students over the summer and in the fall, as a way to try and do some good for new students and put an emphasis on letting people know about the importance of getting help when you need it. There's so many on campus resources, but I just didn't go to them. I went through a 2 week period where I just felt like trash and missed my second appointment with the specialist on campus, and I got fined 160 bucks for it, and they treated me like absolute trash for it when I went to pay. "You shouldn't skip these appointments," "playing hookie doesn't get you anywhere." I had barely made it out of my bed to class on day that week because I had a presentation to do which I physically and very visibly shook through but I guess the TA felt bad for me because she gave my group 95% on it. So here I am trying to pull myself together at the end of the semester trying to spill my feelings on to my Tumblr blog that I've had for 6 years that nobody reads from. I might add some screenshots of what I vented to my friends just to make sure those never get lost either. If you read this (which I genuinely know is nobody) then I'm sorry I put you through that. To my best friends in this world I love you so much. My last final exam is this Friday night and finishes at 10pm. Hoping to go home to at least see my mom because my dad is visiting family overseas. I wanted to drive home to see him before he left but he just facetimed me for 2 minutes asking me how I'm doing socially. Socially. As in am I fucking anyone behind his back. The answer is definitely no. I get hit on by 60 year old me. On Grindr and anyone I match on tinder either doesn't message me or if I message them we just have a short conversation before they just ignore me entirely. I needed to get this out of my system though. Out into the world somehow. Oh well. Guess it's time to see how my life goes from here. April 24th 2017