#especially nice after some sad few days and the last exam of my highschool years ever thnak god | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

urlocalnctstan · 4 years ago

Text

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚄𝚗𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 - 𝙹.𝚂𝙶

• Candy Hearts Collab - @127-mile

Prompt : “I came to say goodbye.”

Genre : Angst, Fluff, kinda Slow-burnish?, Slice of life, highschool + college AU

Pairing : Sungchan X Reader (Ft. Jeno)

Warning(s) : mentions of bullying and injury (like one scene only), unrequited love, mentions of slight anxiety, hormonal shifts, language, minor character death

Writing nets : @kdiarynet @k-dinernet @kpopscape @czennienet @neoturtles

Taglist : @eh-ovo-nctu

WC : 9.7k

Summary : What people hated the most is the very word ‘goodbye’. However, it’s the very word that becomes something that you yearn to hear from Sungchan for years.

→ Playlist [recommended]

The sound of the rain was supposed to calm you down, not make you even more anxious and sweaty and you sat with your legs firmly pressed against each other, hoping to fill in the lack of company you were feeling amongst the swarm of people who perhaps shared the same dreams, same aim as yours. Public places as trains, trams, bus stops; you always thought they portrayed as the perfect definition for the word ‘sonder.’ Each individual having a life pretty much as complex as yours — sometimes a little less or sometimes a little more. It fascinated you.

“Do you think the trip is worth it?” Lee Jeno, your best friend of quite a few years puffs his cheeks as he stared dubiously at the red and white poster he held. You took a peek at it, the amount of times Jeno had been pestering you if he should really give up the money he had saved for PS5 as a sacrifice for this trip, it was safe enough for you to say that you had every words printed on it memorized. Well, maybe not every words but the main stuff at least.

“Lee Jeno,” You sharply gawked at the male sitting beside you, earning an ugly grimace from him. “Stop it already. I don’t know about you but I ain’t passing this chance.”

“Wah, what a nice friend I got.” You failed to notice the dramatic eye roll he makes before shoving the poster in his backpack, the one he had been using since the first day you had befriended him. Was it 5 years? 6 years?

“Are we five years or six years?” But I met him on that bookstore down my neighborhood, that was like spring of 2017 and now it’s 2021.

The male let out a snort. “If I am a five year-old then you are definitely still inside the womb.” Even though he was smiling with that ‘innocent eye smile’ the evil smirk sheathed beneath went unnoticed by you. No sooner had he opened his mouth, a fresh harsh smack landed on his arms that were clad in a filmsy material of cotton and thus a silent yelp of pain escaping from him as he grabbed the area which was starting to sting with each passing second. The smack, albeit meant for him, you were unable to ignore the similar stinging pain in your palm, tears pricking in the corners of your eyes. But you made sure to show absolutely no signs of distress; it was somewhat a matter of childish pride for you.

“Change your career aim from a perfumist to an assassinator will you?” If it were the campus grounds, you two would have already been latched at one another throats; both metaphorically and literally.

“I will gladly not.” You huffed at the male whose eyes held a scornful gaze, now even more annoyed or perhaps, as you would think most of the times, he was just exaggerating. You found yourself mindlessly scrolling through your gallery in search of the recent notes from Mr. Kim’s classes. Until you stumble across something you had been long avoiding, a forlorn fragment from the former days of your high school.

“Here lies the proof of my utmost love and affection, always devoted to my only Y/N.”

It was a picture of you smiling way too bright, cheeks and nose flushed red while being squished by the only male in the frame as he pressed a peck against your cheek. His neck was craned to the side, ripe ears clearly visible in the small Polaroid film. As much as you hated to admit, your heart would still make flips and turns whenever you run into something that reminded you of him, your very first love and first heart break—Jung Sungchan.

Jeno was too busy in his dreamland as he dozed off with his head resting peacefully against your shoulder. It was no new news that the lad had been immensely in love with you ever since the first time you saved him from getting bullied back in 9th grade. However, you were always too busy with your academics and extra-curricular activities and thus clearly drawing a line of only being friends. Nothing else. It happened when Jeno had finally mustered up the courage after excelling in his Maths Olympiad, where he made a bet that if he indeed secures a place in the top 5, you have to abide by anything he wishes for. But he wished for your love, something you were not really capable of doing so; especially at that time. You did not have the heart to say no when Jeno jogged up to you, his eyes transforming into crescents as he smiled wide. “I did it!” His words came out rather breathy, possibly because of him running to you, and maybe because how hard he could feel his heart thump against his ribs when he noticed the proud grin on your face. Without wasting any moment further, Jeno lets go of the white banner of achievement he had been holding, his hands now focusing on yours. You could almost feel the slight tremble and the wetness of his sweaty palms, but before you could even say anything he beat to you by saying, “Go out on a date with me. Only one.”

There were numerous times when you felt guilty about turning down Jeno. At times it had you baffled that why a guy like him would ever bother liking you so much. Jeno was incredibly talented; gifted with unfair boon of genius traits in both academics and athletics. His little version of him always demeaned his abilities, often failing to notice that how much more he was rather than just a quiet kid who loved coding and maths. Maybe perhaps that was the very reason for him to face the bullying, at least that’s what you thought when you first noticed him getting cornered by some stupid idiot dipshits from your class during recess. Jeno’s ID card lay discarded on the ground, as Kihyun grabbed its owner by the collar. You could not understand his reason for not fighting back, and thus being a silent spectator was never your thing so you decided to butt in. As much as you equally hated and liked one thing, boys seemed to get kinda wary of your presence. Especially boys like these who were already in the blacklist of the teachers. It did not take them long to pick their asses and run from the site when you glared them with a threatening gaze, a single word from the class president and they would get suspended yet again for the umpteenth time in the year. You crouched down to Jeno’s level, carefully handing him his ID. You did not bother asking him if he was okay, of course he wasn’t. His face showed signs of previous injuries, the purple hues of bruises slightly fading beside his jaws. You still don’t know why but you felt the need to protect him from his solace, thus leading to this inseparable bond of yours.

But that was a version of him that was long forgotten. Jeno had become the star and face of the school in the last years of your highschool. Acing various quiz competitions, Olympiads, getting highest grades, being the captain of the soccer and basketball team; you were sure God really had His favorites.

You were not surprised when Jeno brought you to your usual favourite—candle shop. It was a hidden gem in your hometown, a small secluded shop located just a few miles away from the metropolitan. Not everyone was aware of its existence until that one day you decided to act rebellious for once in your school life. Of course dragging Jeno into this so called rebel act with you. The date was rather casual, just two friends messing around with wax and chemically named perfume essences. The shop was owned by a lady close to your grandma’s age, and it still makes you wonder how on earth was she able to keep up with the hollering you two were making. No matter how much you convinced yourself that maybe you could give the boy a chance, and perhaps feelings might grow on you later on; you could not make yourself cloud your rationality with the uncertain possibilities. You confessed every single thing that had been on your mind and Jeno just calmly listened to everything you uttered. You could clearly see the expression of hurt washing over his face, but he knew you. He knew that once you had made up your mind, there was no going back. The night did not cause any indifference in your friendship; it bloomed with each passing years of your middle school and then highschool. You two had become the infamous bestfriends, the once timid boy then all buff and handsome and the once spotlight lover girl then buried in her textbooks to pass the college entrance exams.

Throughout these years of teen, the candle shop had become a constant place for anything to you both; sadness, comfort or just enjoyable times. Until that one day when you met the grandson of the lady who owned the shop. Make a guess who it was.

When people spoke of their first heartbreak, you always cringed at how they exaggerated. Technically you never experienced one, so it seemed ridiculous to you that how was it possible to a simple break to cause others this much pain. You were shocked, no scratch that. Using fancy words, you were utterly bewildered when you saw the new transfer student—Jung Sungchan was the name, standing on the makeshift podium of your classroom. Thank God the architects decided to stick to keeping the height of the room above eight feet. You had changed drastically, contrasting your previous bubbly persona, you had become more reserved. It was just you being ambitious about something you had grown to like, and after some backstabs from your friends, you did not feel the need to have so many around you. Just Jeno being there for you was more than enough.

It would be a lie if Jeno did not sense the subtle looks you had been sending over to the new guy, but he was in no place to object you. It had only been a few moments of Sungchan’s arrival and Jeno already sensed his position in your life being threatened. He knew you were a saint who always looked out for others, and something about his presence made Jeno feel wary. Jeno did not need any of the privileges he had, all of it he owed to you after all. It was you who brought the best out of him, and in the end if he has them all but not you, it wasn’t clearly worth it to him. You preferred unpredictable things; it was what he learned about you in all your years of friendship. How you would always choose mystery thrillers over typical rom-coms, how you would always vouch for the new dish in the menu every time you both visited the local barbecue house. And he knew it was impossible to be one like that, it was just typical Taurus things (as he would like to blame) that made him too practical, too predictable for you. But, you never thought like that. It was just that even though you wanted to, you couldn’t make yourself grow romantic towards the boy you always shared your oreos and ramen with. He held a dear place in your heart and life.

Sungchan was immediately welcomed to the family, the girls already swooning over his good looks and amazing grades. Plus icing on the top, he was the half-brother of the infamous Jung Yoonoh, the heartthrob of the whole school, from juniors to seniors. While Jaehyun was the typical definition of being that one dude we always see in rom-coms who is loved and admired by all for his too humble personality and ethics, Sungchan on the other hand was more of a quiet one, often too shy properly open up his orginal self around new environment. Despite that, he was naturally amiable just like his brother, a trait that perhaps ran in the Jung household. Unlike Jaehyun who was presumably born with good brains, Sungchan was a hardworking one. Sungchan tried to settle down the queasy feeling he had been feeling ever since he moved back here, now that Jaehyun was always busy in Seoul with his medical degree someone had to look after their aging grandma. Sungchan was never really a part of any group, so leaving behind his school back in the city was not that painful for him. The atmosphere of the whole campus was pretty soothing; the bushes of neatly trimmed trees, big huge playground and the ochre shaded building. He liked all of it, and to top it all the uniform was really his style: solid crème and dark maroon combination.

When Sungchan stood awkwardly in the middle of the classroom, clearly clueless as to where he would be seating since all the seats were occupied, a soft voice called out his name rather eagerly. His eyes scanned for a while until he saw you; dark hair tied up neatly into a ponytail with a pencil in your hand as you waved him to notice the empty seat beside yours. Sungchan smiled at your sweet gesture, his out of place feeling now subsiding into the warmth of the possible blooming friendship.

“Hi there, I am Y/N.” You chirped, wiping your left hand before bringing it out for him to shake. Sungchan froze for a while before he realized what he was supposed to be doing. “Oh! And this is Jeno!” You turned slightly towards your best friend sitting just behind you with his famous eye smile.

“Hello, I am Jung Sungchan.” He returned the gesture shaking both your and Jeno’s hand. Whilst Jeno had the feeling of roughness and athleticism in his, your hands were warm and soft; it felt nice he thought. That was the first impression of yours to him: ball of sunshine. And your impression of him? Reserved and unpredictable; a combination that only meant chaos and imbalance.

Sungchan side-glanced at your fumbling state. Seating next to him you in the front row, you skimmed over your not so pleasant looking notes that you had scribbled anxiously in the prior night. Public speaking had never been a big deal for you once you get adjusted to the audience after going up on stage. However, it is the pre anxiety session that just always riles you up.

“You know,” Your head whipped a bit too fast to your liking at the voice belonging to the only male that sat beside you. “I’ll show you a trick. Here.” Sungchan proceeded to softly place your trembling hands on his, cautiousness apparent with every move he made. Even though you both had been seatmates for the last three months, you never found yourself involved in any sort of skinship with him; something that was really common for you and Jeno. The look of fluster was way too obvious when Sungchan softly rubbed various shapes on the back of your hand with his thumb, you were unsure if he was actually helping you ease from nervousness or just increasing it further. It had quite been a while since you had your hands caged in his, both of you completely unaware of the looks you had been getting from your senior teachers seated in the neighboring row. The moment was cut off when your name was announced from the stage by a senior, requesting your presence to commence your speech. Sungchan slowly lets go of your hands, mumbling a soft ‘best of luck!’ with his hands now fisted as an act of verbal encouragement. You eyes wandered around the crowd for a while before locating your best friend who sat miserably beside the homeroom teacher, really closing to dozing off before noticing your presence and copying Sungchan’s gestures.

The bus paused, Jeno still deep in his slumber despite the harsh jerk of the vehicle stopping in its tracks. You sighed, he must have probably been gaming the whole night with his roommate Donghyuck again. You nudged softly at first, the lack of response later than causing you to shake him vigorously by his toned arms that barely fit in your palms. Jeno instantly sprinted up with wide eyes before softly muttering a curse at your cruel way of waking him up.

“I was definitely right about you being a torturer in your previous life.”

“Sure you were. Get your ass off the bus now.”

You parted your ways with Jeno on the campus ground, him heading to his coding facult while you headed towards the chemistry club room. Apparently a newbie was supposed to come today from the US. It was odd you assumed since US had much better facilities for students majoring in chemistry. You glanced at your figure on your way to the room, wondering if the ripped jeans were a good choice as a first impression. You just disliked the idea of leaving off bad impressions, even if you are never going to meet the person again until your next life. Jaemin, another close friend of both you and Jeno smiled widely at your entrance, waving his hand as he pointed the seat next to him enthusiastically. Jaemin and you were basically clones of each other, the leos inside of you both shinig at its best whenever you two are together.

“I don’t understand why move back here from THE United States.” Jaemin dragged out the word, scoffing silently as he handed you a cup of iced Americano. You were about to sip before pausing. You could not have possibly risked your stomach again after that one fateful day when you tasted ‘his type’ of iced Americano. This dude legit gulped down eight espresso shots with a satisfied hum, horrified looks painted on your and Jeno’s features as you both just stared at him in utter shock.

“Please not the poisonous drink.” You eyed the male suspiciously, who scoffed at the nickname.

“Of couse not little baby.” Jaemin cooed with his lips puckered and an annoying high pitched voice, purposefully pinching your cheeks a bit harder than he usually does.

“You little moth-”

“Hello guys, I am Sungchan. Nice to meet you all.” Your heart dropped at the familiar tone of voice. He isn’t possibly back again after leaving without any traces, without a single goodbye, is he? You did not dare to look at his figure standing in front of the table, awkwardly shifting in your seat while Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Hello, Sungchan.” Sulli, your senior by 2 years and also the president of the club greeted him warmly. “I hope you like it here because adjusting to a new place might be hard at times. Oh, these are your classmates; Y/N and Jaemin.”

Sungchan immediately looked in your direction at the mention of your name, his eyes equally wide in surprise mirroring your previous reaction.

“Y/N?” He called out in a rather unsure tone, just like his movements the cautiousness was also present there. “It’s been……a while….”

“Yeah, indeed.” You had a visible change in demeanor, Jaemin finally grasping the tense situation before jogging up to the male.

“Hi there, I am Na Jaemin. You can call me Nana if you want.” Jaemin put his hand out as a formality, to which Sungchan politely complied. “There’s a seat there you can sit.” Jaemin was luckily wise enough to occupy the empty seat beside yours without knowing the turn of events. He motioned Sungchan towards the seat diagonal to you, sensing the discomfort in your posture he assumed it was best if Sungchan sat somewhat further.

Concentrating on the yearly planning for the club was harder with his presence; Sungchan unable to hide his obvious lingering gaze on you. Jaemin would cough every now and then, signaling the male to focus on the club president’s instructions instead of you. But as his usual self, Sungchan pretended to not notice the clear hints, continuing keep his eyes locked on yours. You were barely able to note down some important events, knowing that Jaemin certainly cannot be trusted with his short time memory. After that president bids her farewell to everyone present in the room, you take it as your cue to just flee as soon as possible from his reach.

“Y/N, wait!” Sungchan was quick to grab you just as you were about to exit by the door, the sudden halt in movement causing you to stumble back into his embrace awkwardly. You were definitely embarrassed, your back pressed against his chest in a weird manner as you straighten yourself again. You scrunched you nose to hide your embarrassment before asking him.

“What is it now Jung Sungchan?” You were not meaning to snap at him, but the bitter memories of the past seemed to get the best of you.

Sungchan slightly winced at your cold tone, but what else could have expected after all the pain he had caused you. “I…I do..I mean like I..”

“Sungchan, I have my classes. Gather up your thoughts and then talk.” With that you turned on your heels, not even bothering to take your bag that you left on the seat you were prior sitting. Jaemin observed the scene quietly, his minds finally connecting the dots. Jung Sungchan, the boy you would always cry about whenever you got drunk, the boy who left you with nothing but memories of him. Jaemin thought it was best to not let out his inner frustration towards the guy who was now standing motionless in his tracks, lost in his trance as he gaped towards the door you had just left. Jaemin passed by Sungchan without a word, instinctively grabbing your bag as he made his way to his next class.

Sungchan stood dumbfounded, numerous thoughts racing in his mind. Why did I have to be so foolish? He thought. How can I blame her when I was the one who broke the promise first?

Summer 2017

It was getting pretty boring for you at the library; usually some of the classmates bickering would give you some sort of silent company as you scribble down the notes. But for some unfound reason you seemed to be extremely distracted. You let out a long annoyed huffed, hands stretching in weird directions as you rested your head on the wooden table. It struck your mind there might be butts of nails pointed out and you didn’t want to get yourself a shot of tetanus, so you lazily glided your hands across the surface before returning back to your half laying position. It didn’t take long for you to zone out, mind running through various scenarios of university life, jobs and perhaps marriage? You blushed at the thought, just like any other teen you were also low-key always looking forward to your wedding.

“Are you asleep?” You shot up startled at the sudden voice, eyes immediately widening as you realized the owner. Sungchan had a smile with his lips pressed into a thin line, casually pulling out the empty seat beside yours as he made himself comfortable on it.

“Good to know you’re not. I need your help.” Sungchan wasted no time rummaging out a stack of sheets from his backpack, pressing them against the wood with a loud thump. You slightly winced at the loudness since the library was extra quiet today, the sound thus bouncing off more.

“You know if it’s literature, I suck at it.” Your mind took you back at that one time when you almost got yourself a C on the mentioned subject, chills running down at the memory.

“No, no.” Sungchan waved his hands softly chuckling. “It’s actually chemistry. Judging as a seatmate, I believe it’s your best sport.”

You happily nodded at the male, pleased that you get to help him with something that was under your specialty. Sungchan took a notice of your happy state, equally pleased that it was you that would be helping him.

“Tell me, what can I help you with.” You took the fat book from his hold, skimming over the contents page before highlighting the topics that were extremely important for the semester.

“I think hybridization? I just can’t seem to get how it works!” Sungchan’s voice levitated suddenly out of frustration, momentarily catching you off guard. Sungchan seemed to notice your amused look, shyly rubbing the nape of his neck with a little shrug.

“You know this is the first time I’ve seen you frustrated.” You commented, eyes fixated on the pages even though they were being extremely reluctant to rather focus on the fussy male. “It’s pretty easy you know. Look.” You explained him cautiously and slowly, how the overlapping of the orbitals occurred not realizing the proximity that seemed to lessen drastically. You whipped at his direction to see any signs of confusion, only to be met with a pair of dark orbs that stared at you intently. As embarrassing as it may sound, you gulped loudly. A bit too loud than you had intended to.

Sunghcan took notice of the situation you both blanketed in as a wave of déjà vu washed over him. He cleared his throat loud and awkward, half to lessen the embarrassment you were feeling and to poorly hide his own. You both were looking everywhere but each other, too dumb to maximize the close distance instead of acting like awkward cats.

“What are you both doing?” a deep male voice jerked you back to reality, upon turning you saw it belonged to Jeno. When did he come here?

“She was explaining the hybridization shits.” Sungchan huffed, slowly settling back to his orginal position. “I asked you so many times though…”

“You know chemistry is not my cup of tea.” Jeno shrugged at the male, a lazy smile playing on his face. “You wanna stay for b-ball practice today?”

“Not sure, I’ll see to it mate.” Sungchan did that fist-bump with Jeno, the two casually mingling like old friends as you stared idiotically at the scene unfolding in front of you.

“Since when did you both become Damon and Pythias?”

“Y/N, please not again your alien languages.” Jeno rolled his eyes before taking the seat beside, sandwiching you between both the males. “Since you happen to be tutoring a clown, an addition of another clown won’t do you any harm.” Jeno smiled at you, his doe eyes disappearing in the process.

Sungchan held back his snort, looking over both of you, he was happy. Though he was not as close to you as he had become to Jeno, he still considered you somewhat a close friend of his. Being seatmates with you and Jeno, it was inevitable that he soon became a constant in your life. Did I tell you that the candle shop was owned by his grandma? The shop if anything, had become this secret spot for you three. Study dates, random chills or just lazying around, the candle shop would be the first name that would pop up in your mind.

With a blink of an eye perhaps junior year passes. Maybe that was how last years of highschool were. At one moment you barely just got promoted to a new class, and at another, you’re yet again getting promoted to higher one. You sat under the dull moonlight, a thin cardigan that was gifted to you by your dearest friend’s grandma. When Sungchan invited you and Jeno at his, his grandma had knitted this cardigan for you and a beanie for Jeno. The gesture was so sweet that it completely melted your heart, she was the living definition of wholesome for you.

It was maybe that one day when you three decided to stroll the spring fair of your neighborhood, when you both finally came clean to your feelings. Jeno was always the one pointing you out that how you should just be a woman and confess. “It doesn’t always have to be the guy that says I LIKE YOU!” This what we he said before disappearing into the hives of crowds, leaving you waiting for Sungchan at the front of the public toilet he was finishing his business in. Pretty awkward right? Where else does anyone get to see a girl waiting for her crush in front of a public restroom. Sungchan came back outside, shuffling out his handphone before furrowing his brows at the text he just received. You immediately understood it was from Jeno. You had no idea what came over you, it felt like the adrenaline in your system decided to flood your nervous system, not even aware of yourself just launching at the dude with a chaste kiss on his lips. He was completely taken aback by the sudden feeling of your lips on his, it took him a while before responding you back with the same enthusiasm. You broke first from the kiss, not realising your fists crunching his prior perfectly ironed shirt. But he did not mind it all, a shy smile playing on both of your faces. The rest of the night was spent with your hands laced in his, just like another high school sweethearts of the time.

You smiled at the memory. Sungchan had a cigarette lit between the tips of his fingers, the tobacco smoke slowly poking your nose but not strong enough to bother you. With a deep sigh, he took a puff before blowing it own again in the air, a cloud of smog dancing around his figure.

“You should quit it, it’s not healthy.” It had already been a year since you became friends and six months since you became more than it, but there were times like this when you still found yourself nervous and wary whenever you are talking to him. You snuggled yourself into the cardigan, hugging yourself to minimize the tinges of frostbites. Sungchan was considerate of your discomfort, whenever he smoked, he made sure the cigarette was at least 2 feet away from you.

“Take this.” Sungchan handed you another thick layer of clothing from his bag, his initials “J.SG” written big and bold. Without much thought, you accepted his kindness, and Sungchan had high tolerance to cold anyways unlike you who would shiver to death in the most usual temperatures. You figured Sungchan decided to dodge the topic you brought it, and you figured it would be better to not bring it up for a while.

“Where do you plan on going for college.” Sungchan spoke while rubbing the shortened cigarette on the bricks of the roof, swallowing the remaining water from his bottle throwing a strawberry gum inside his mouth. You figured he was now free from the reek of tobacco as you scoot closer to his form, opening your arms within the jacket for his to snuggle in as well. Just like Jeno, skinship was no new news for you both too, however; it always had your heart racing like crazy. You both remained cozy under the warm embrace of the jacket, and you prayed Sungchan would never listen how your pulse was acting up.

“I don’t know. Perhaps SNU? I mean only if I get accepted...” You trailed off, propping your chin against your bent knees before glancing at the boy. Then it struck you, what made him ask this sudden question, what made him smoke three cigarettes straight despite having yearly break for a whole month. “Will you be going to the US as well?”

“I don’t know...” Sungchan deeply sighed, his lips forming a small pout as he indulged in deep thought. What if he actually happens to leave for America? Your heart clenched at the thought, mimicking his sighs you rested your head against his shoulder.

“You know,” You stared at the sky, it was dark and clear with no signs of stars. The feeling was unsettling. “Wherever you go, we’ll always be there for you.” Your eyes shifted to the illuminating lights from numerous buildings that replaced the absence of the twinkling stars in the sky. The ominous feeling soon dissipated into relief. It was as if the universe telling you, we just have to look out for the good sides instead of dwelling on the bad.

“I know.” Sungchan smiled, one that was both happy and sad. He rested his head on yours, joining your company of gazing at the scenery. “I know.”

“Just...” there was hesitation laced in your tone, Sungchan was quick to notice it as he looked at you, nodding for you to continue. “Please don’t leave...not without a goodbye. Promise me that.”

“I promise you.” Sungchan held your cold hands in his warmer ones, a firm assurance making your heart swell in both hurt and adoration as you kissed him again.

You both never really made it official, despite the kiss at the fair. It was perhaps the uncertainty that held you both back. Sungchan’s future was not in his hands but his family’s; just like his brother, he is supposed to make his family shine bright. It was one of the major reasons why his parents let both the brothers two years of freedom on their remaining bits of high school. ‘All parents want the best for their kids,’ that’s what you would always say to him whenever you meet him at his roof; him smoking while you offered his physical comfort.

The senior year passed within a whim, the fright of entering into adulthood descending upon all the students as they remained buried in their textbooks. Maybe it wasn’t the case for everyone, but it did apply to you and your friends. You remained occupied with you daily extra classes for chemistry while Sungchan had biology and Jeno had mathematics. You three would meet up in periodic breaks, catching up with small talks before returning back to your respective schedules. It was nothing but hectic, and soon, the candle shop returned back to being just another isolated shop in your hometown.

Graduation day was filled with smiles and congratulatory phrases from different individuals, throwing your grad caps in the air felt like as if you were throwing away a significant part of your life, ready to embrace a new version of you. All the parents stood their with proud grins, delighted at their children’s achievement to their dreams.

“Congratulations!” You chirped, receiving bone crushing hugs from both your males before an elderly voice called for you.

“Y/N! Jeno! Sungchan!” It was your mom, waving excitedly to grab you and the males’ attention. “Say cheese!”

“Cheese!” You all resonated together, happy and delighted.

A series of furious knocks jolted you awake from your sleep. You figured it might have been your younger brother, probably wanting your help in his homework.

“I swear to god Y/b/n!” You let out an ear piercing shout, groggily rubbing your eyes from deep slumber.

“It’s me. Jeno.” You heard how breathy his voice sounded, it was coated with urgency and hurt. You heart dropped but you prayed to the Heavens and God, you prayed that it should not be the very thing that you had been dreading so much. You shot up from your bed, not even bothering to make yourself look presentable before whipping the door open to meet with an equally dazed and riled Jeno.

“It’s Sungchan. He...” Jeno beathed out a deep sigh, before handing you a lilac envelope, the initials J.SG written in bold. You failed to feel the tears pooling up, threatening to fall anytime. Jeno glanced over you sympathetically, with shaky trembling hands, you took the the paper.

You don’t bother to closer the door, Jeno soon taking his leave as he thought it would be best to give you some space to absorb it all in. The tears had started to stream uncontrollably when you saw the picture that came with the letter. It was one of the many pictures that you took on the night of the fair; the day you had confessed, the you had your first kiss. It was a polaroid of you holding him lovingly in an embrace, him shyly placing a kiss on your cheeks with the words ‘Here lies the proof of my utmost love and affection, always devoted to my only Y/N’ scribbled on the white frame. Your hands fished for your cellphone, frantically dialing his number as you waited for him to pick up, hoping that he’ll soothe your anxiety by saying he did not leave, that he was still in town and you were just being delusional.

But every time you dialed his contact, you were being forwarded to the monotonous tone saying that the number was currently unreachable. Your chest squeezed in pain, he had promised you. He promised you that he will come for a goodbye at least. He had promised you that he would never leave you clueless and hurting. All you ever asked for him, was just a goodbye; perhaps a source assurance for you to wait for his return.

You wiped the tears with the edge of your sleeves, opening the the piece of folded paper.

‘Dear lovely Y/N,

You might resent me when you receive this letter, and I certainly don’t blame you for that. I am not the best with words, I am clumsy and unexpressive but I hope that this piece of scribblings makes you understand all my feelings, my thoughts and emotions that have been haunting me from the day I first saw you.

You know I that I am very much aware that I do....hold some handsome genes.’ You couldn’t help but snicker at this.

‘However, unlike all, as typical as it may sound, you stood out. You lazily laid sprawling across your desk in deep slumber, completely unaware of the chaos of classroom. I wish I was that carefree like you, indulged in her own world and comfort bubble. It attracted me a lot.’ You got up from the floor, eyes still glued to the piece of paper as you shut your door locked. Your hands still went to dial his contact, but only to be forwarded to that damned robotic voice.

‘I wanted to be like you, not bothered by the constant pressures of coming from a prestigious family. Did I ever tell you my dad is the Director of Myeongsu Hospital?’ You gasped at the sudden information. His dad was the director of the one of the most prestigious and renowned hospitals of South Korea. It was too overwhelming for you to process, but you still found yourself continuing.

‘It was inevitable for me to act like just another teenager, not for me but for my brother too. I always blamed him for being so selfish when he just left me alone when he came to grandma, I failed to realize that it was some sort of comfort gift from our parents so that we’ll devote ourselves to build the family’s name for the rest of our lives.

Even though I wanna blame them, I don’t think I can because they had the same fate. It comes with a price when you’re born with a silver spoon, and I guess I had to pay mine when I left your doorstep last night. I...I was a coward. I know I should have just come up, hug you and kiss you for the last time. But I just couldn’t. I was too scared.

I was scared that the moment I’ll see you, my guards will crash down. These two days were really hectic for me, I made up excuses when you invited me at yours because I was afraid of losing my balance. I knew that only a glance at you would be enough to make me change my mind and revolt against my parents, my fate. And you have no idea how much I wanted to do so, you have no idea how I’ve spent endless of sleepless night where it is the only thing that would run on my mind. But you tell me, would it be really worth it? I did not want you spending the rest of your lives with swarming paps and reporters, publishing reports and articles of how you managed to tarnish the heir-in-line of the prestigious hospital. No I could never do to that someone I love so dearly. I could never in a thousand years do that.

You know every time I picture you in your grown-up self, I can only see a strong and confident woman thriving in her career, a woman that is so powerful but still has a heart of gold. I know that you’ll be an amazing person, inside and out. I wasn’t really planning to express my love and admiration for you like this, I hoped to do it in person, but perhaps, maybe that’s how the stars planned it out for us. Fate is extra cruel in my case don’t you think?

It would be extremely selfish of me to ask you to wait; I am not even sure if I would ever return because my father would be opening another branch in US. And well, I am not sure what plans he has for me.

So please, if you ever find it in your heart, I hope you will forgive me. And even if you don’t, please don’t ever feel guilty about it. You have all the right to do so and I most certainly deserve your hatred. I love you so much, Y/N. You’re my first kiss, my first love, and you’ll always hold this irreplaceable place in my heart.

With Love,

Jung Sungchan.

You felt your world crashing down, a part of you wished that this letter never ended. The only remain from him had also come to an end, and you were not sure how you would be able to cope with his absence for the next years of your life.

Present

“Sungchan is back?” Jeno widened his eyes in shock, the information seemingly unbelievable to him. “He really is?”

“Yes.” You monotonously replied, numerous thoughts battling at the back of your head. Jaemin cleared his throat, a sign for Jeno to not bring up the topic for a while. Jeno eyed the male in confusion before finally getting the hint.

“You’re lucky you don’t get to have Mr.Suh’s classes, he’s just hot and it’s frustrating. And that’s coming from a straight dude like me.” Jeno slurped on his smoothie loud and sound, probably to annoy the other male as he was well aware his distaste to people making sounds while eating.

“Y/N.” a voiced called out from behind, and you instantly knew who it belonged to.

“Sungchan. Oh my god!” Jeno shot up from his seat, immediately embracing the old face from his past. “How have you been man? You just disappeared...”

“I am so sorry.” Sungchan looked at Jeno with pleading eyes. “I know I have absolutely no excuse for my act and I am just so sorry, Jeno and Y/N.” Sungchan looked at Jeno who silently urged him to talk to you.

“Y/N, please talk to me. I don’t expect your forgiveness but please. Atleast curse me, hit me just do anything. Please.”

You whipped your head to find Sungchan crouching down to match your seat level, a sigh escaping from you as you stood straight from your seat.

“Guys, I’ll be back.” You gripped his hands before dragging him alongside the canteen corridor.

Jaemin looked over his friend who stood staring at the way you just took. And expressionless look was painted on his features, causing Jaemin to shake his head and sigh. “You know man,” Jeno changed his attention to the male speaking, fixing his glasses. “If I were you, I would have just held her back. You’re extremely strong, I could have never done that.” With that Jaemin patted his friend’s back, a silent assurance that if he needed a shoulder to cry or to simply lean on for comfort, he’ll be there for him.

A mixture of feelings were erupting inside you, you were furious but happy. Sad but grateful. You scanned the halls for signs of any empty classroom and upon finding one you just shoved the male inside it.

“What’s so funny about messing with my feelings?” You already tears welling up, your vision blurry as you sharply glance at the male with a frown on his face.

“Y/N, I would nev-”

“You left me,” you utterly hated at how pathetic you sounded at the moment, harshly wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks. “You promised me that you won’t leave without showing up one last time, but you did. You fucking did.” You knew it was not something under his control, but you couldn’t help but pour your bottled feelings.

“Please...Y/N...listen..to me...Please..” Sungchan lost his composure, his voice breaking as he stepped closer to you. Seeing how you did not flinch at his approach, Sungchan captivated you in his embrace, something that he had been yearning for ever since he parted ways. You felt the wetness of his tears on your head, melting in his longing embrace you found yourself hugging him back. You missed him so much, his scent, warmth, presence. Everything about him drove you crazy, you were still dazed to believe if he was actually back for real or is it just one of your numerous daydreams.

The rest of the days went as usual, but only with the addition of Sungchan back again in your life. Although you had long forgiven him in his heart, you decided to not vocal it out. As heartless as it may sound, you wanted him to make up for the pain he caused you, and he indeed did. Jaemin was skeptical in the beginning at the idea of another person joining you small group, he had come to liking the idea of you guys as trio and was more comfortable like that. But he saw how your eyes lit up every time you about him when you were newly friends with Jaemin, how Jeno would always drunk talk about the times they passed as seatmates bothering the hell out of you. So Jaemin broke his exterior cold composure on the fourth day, finally accepting the banana milk from the new male as a form of bribe for his addition to the group.

Sungchan worked harder than deities; always making sure to get you Americanos before your classes, taking extra notes for you whenever you felt sick, tolerating your extremely drunk self and even dropping you back at your dorms safely. He had mentioned how he finally mustered up the courage to stand up against his fathers, that he wanted to do something else rather than working in the medical field. Even though he had still yet to decided his desired career, Sungchan decided to just follow his intuitions which ended up him taking chemistry as his major and thus landing in the same institution and same class as yours. And not to mention, he was beyond grateful for it.

A month had passed with his arrival, the awkwardness amongst everyone long gone and forgotten. It was as if he never left you. You were never over him, so his all time sweet gestures was making it harder for you to maintain your cold act.

“I happened to attempt making kimbap? But I am not sure if they are edible..” Sungchan trailed off as he hesitantly hands you the small metal box. You almost laughed at how cute but messy they looked, his failed attempt at giving the rolls eyes and lips with sesame seeds and ketchup was beyond adorable. You took the box from his grasp, a smile playing on your face as you looked at him. Sungchan upon noticing your grin, rubbed the nap of his neck shyly, his ears and cheeks mirror the shade the of the ketchup. You took a bite from one of the many rolls he made, a hum of satisfaction escaping your lips as you relished the tangy sweet taste. It was perfect, just how you preferred it.

“It’s pretty good.” You licked the stain of ketchup from your fingers, failing to notice how the male blushed harder at your subtle act. “We have Mr.Lee’s class, so I believe we should hurry up before it’s too late.”

On the night of the annual university carnival, Sungchan confessed to you. At least not in front of a public washroom this time. With the constant aid of Jeno and Jaemin, Sungchan was able to plan out a pretty dramatic confession for you. You were completely surprised when Jaemin called you out of nowhere, frantically asking for your presence to a specific classroom. You feared if the dork had committed some sort of treason explaining how dramatic he sounded, so you rushed without giving any second thoughts. However, when you saw the trail of roses with candles adorning the edges, you froze. It had the same scent both you and Sungchan had invented; the sweet scent of lily with tinges of tangerine to it.

A flustered looking Sungchan steps out from the dark, his hands rest behind his back as you cautiously scanned your face. When he saw no signs of discomfort, Sungchan slowly jogged to where you stood, his hands holding a bouquet of lilies with a small note on top of it.

“I know I have made tons of mistakes, hurt you so many times. But I still want to test my luck.” Sungchan got down on his knees, holding the bouquet with his head hanging low. “Y/L/N, will you allow me to be your man? Will you be my girlfriend?”

A shit eating grin spread on your face, slightly giggling at how adorable he looked. “I thought you’d never ask.” You took the flowers, a soft smile adorning your lips as you lock eyes with an extremely surprised Sungchan. “Of course Sungchan.”

“Of course? For real?” Sungchan couldn’t believe what just happened, he was half expecting you to flat out reject him at how inconsiderate he had been. But you accepted his apology, accepted his love. Sungchan stood up, his heart squeezing in delight and adoration for you. He cupped your face gently, as if you were a porcelain doll that would just break if not handled carefully. You saw how his eyes shone with love, sparkling brightly on the soft light from the lighted candles and you swore you never felt so much before for anyone else as much as you felt for him. Sungchan closed the proximity, his nose slight touching yours as he rested his forehead against yours, the smiling never for once leaving his face.

The tension was building up with each passing second, the sounds of your heavy breathing being the only silence breaker. You got impatient, the feeling of his lush lips got you being greedy as you closed the distance standing on your tip-toes, momentarily catching him off the grid before receiving the same attention back. You gripped on his shirt, too unbothered to break the kiss despite losing your breath. He paused for a moment, panting before pulling you back under his spell. The bottled feelings and emotions of longing and pining for each other were poured into the this sweet shared moment of yours. You were grateful that the whole building had no signs of any lurking students and professors, what was supposed to be a innocent make-up kiss soon transformed into a heated one as he held you by your waist, pinning you against the wall with his lips still attached to yours.

You pulled back for the heavy make-out session, almost earning a whine from the male before you soothed him with you words that came next. “I love you.”

Sungchan felt his already beating heart pick up its pace, becoming hastier that he was low-key afraid if he might face a stroke anytime. With a loving grin, he looked back at you who was still caged in his arms. He tucked the stray of hair brushing across the sides of your face from the soft breeze entering the windows, the illuminating yellow hues from the candles making you look like a dream. A dream that seemed unattainable to him until this very moment.

“I love you so so much. Thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself, to allow me to show you my feelings, Y/N.” He was breathless, he felt so many emotions at that moment when you glanced at him loving. He was afraid his pulse might stop any moment, so he kissed you back, but now filled with passion and desire. And let’s just say, one of your fantasies were fulfilled that night.

The news of his grandma passing away came after a few months when you both had officially started dating. Both the Jungs were extremely close to her, so when Jaehyun took her back to Myeongsu Hospital where he was currently the chief of neurology, her condition was inevitable. Jaehyun hoped that maybe she might get to spend more time on earth under his care, but he too was victim in the cruel hands of destiny. Sungchan rushed to your dorm, bloodshot eyes as he told you the news. You found yourself sobbing alongside him, tenderly keeping him embraced in your warmth as you shared his pain. You knew her personally as well, all the moments spent with her were a profound favorite part of teen years.

“I wanted to meet you before I leave for Seoul. I came to say a goodbye.” Sungchan sniffed, his hands wiping away the streams of water rolling down your face. You smiled at his concern, mimicking his actions you brushed his sweaty bangs away from his forehead before placing a soft peck against it.

“It’s okay. Don’t tell me goodbyes anymore...for I know you’ll always come back to me.”

Epilogue

Sungchan fumbled with his tie nervously, bile reaching up his throat as the worst scenarios flooded his brains. His eyes frantically looked around for help, making a bow-tie was just not his cup of his. A breath of relief escapes his lips when his eyes landed on his closest beloved friend Jeno. Jeno stood leaning against the door frame, an amused grin painting his sharp features as he walked to the struggling male.

“Bro...” Sungchan huffed pleadingly, a pout forming his eyes.

“Yes bro.” Jeno flashed him an eye roll, before having the same eye smile again as he fixed his friend’s tie. After all, it was a big event for him.

To say the least, you looked breathtaking in your white laced gown. The simplicity of the dress made you look more elegant, it enhanced your natural beauty and Sungchan couldn’t just tear his eyes away from your form. It was supposed to be the bride’s day, but to him you shone the brightest.

“You know it’s me getting married, but the new comers might assume it’s you considering how you are gaping at y/n shamelessly.” Jaehyun hissed to his best man, earning a scoff from Sungchan.

“Hyung, let me have my moment! Please.” Sungchan whined but was careful to tone it down, only to receive a slight nudge from the groom who chuckled at his antics.

The wedding was glamorous, elegant, anything that could be named as a dream wedding. Sungchan remained glued beside you the whole night, a proud grin on his face every time he was asked about the lady whose arms laid locked with his. With a smug look, he would rub on their faces that you were his girlfriend, especially exaggerating to the males who seemed to had their eyes on you. You both enjoyed the silent company of each other, the soothing sounds of the wind replacing the absence of music as Sungchan drove you back to your place, hands still intertwined. When he came in front of your shared apartment, he fidgeted in his seat nervously; fishing out something from his coat.

You figured it was another one of his endless gifts, so you just smiled with your back resting against the cushion seat of the car.

“Sungchan, you really need to-”

A throat seering stopped you in the midst of speaking, your eyes widening when you realized what the purple velvet box might contain. Sungchan let out breaths of nervousness, blowing out some air out of his lungs to lessen the feeling of anxiety as he looked at you, eyes as genuine as ever.

“Y/N, I don’t believe in fancy proposals as you know. It is an intimate moment for us so I want it to happen in the presence of only us.” Sungchan stuttered in the middle as he opened the box, revealing an extremely gorgeous but simple plated band with a small stone adorning the top perfectly.

“So will you marry me?”

You stared at the male dumbfounded. Your eyes refused to believe the scene in front of you, hearts doing numerous flips and turns and it was just hard to explain all the feelings you were feeling. Sungchan had always been the one for you, and even though not everyone gets to have a happy ending with their first love, you were beyond grateful that you had happened to fall in the rare probability.

“I...OF COURSE. OF COURSE I WILL.” You yelped in delight, shoving your hand in front of his face as he just laughed while placing the ring on your finger. It fit perfectly. You grabbed him by the collar and kissed him with your overpowering passion and love, not realizing how if continued any longer, you guys might have to pay a fine for parking on the wrong side. So without wasting any time further, you both hauled yourselves to your apartment, refusing to break the contact of your lips molded perfectly together on your way. In short, let’s just say ‘sweet innocent kiss transformed into a heated one’ yet again.

I went completely overboard with this. I am so sorry if it didn’t turn up as you had expected it to, and honestly I am not completely pleased with it either. I felt like it could’ve been better in terms of expressing emotions. However, improvement is a never ending proccess and im still learning. SO TO WHOEVER WHO HAPPENED TO MAKE THIS TILL HERE. I LOVE YOU SODIJMS YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME.

Feedbacks and criticisms are always appreciated! Please care to leave them as it may help me potentially grow as a writer. Thank you for sparing your time to read my piece of work.

with love,

Hana.

172 notes · View notes

birdsandspades · 4 years ago

Text

I Was Never Really Good at Waiting (Sugawara X Reader) Chapter 7

- It was your last year in highschool, everything had been going smoothly until you got assigned the new teacher. Sugawara Koushi was handsome, maybe too handsome for his own good. Be he wasn't flirting with you right, teachers shouldn't do that....I guess we will see where this year goes.

Word Count - 5,311

----

“Ok, so I just pulled the cakes out of the oven, what next?” You had the phone pressed between your cheek and shoulder as you carefully flipped the cakes upside down onto the cooling rack.

“Now, did you make the cream already?” Oikawa’s voice sounded far away, somewhere amongst the rest of his teammates.

You had called him during practice, desperate for his mother's strawberry cake recipe. She had made it a long time ago, a special treat for all the times you sat with Oikawa late at practice. Even after all these years you still remembered the taste. Tart strawberries, rich crème fraîche, soft sponge cake, light whipped cream. She had a way of making it taste like so much more than just a cake. You craved it sometimes, late at night as you watched the car lights ghost over your bedroom ceiling. Craved the memories too, when your parents had been home more. When Oikawa was still in highschool, just a simple bus ride away. When boys weren't a problem, especially confusing boys who teach your homeroom class.

Yes, and I cut the strawberries…” You were now grabbing the multiple bowls of already prepped ingredients out of the fridge, kicking the door closed before setting them down on the kitchen island. “And the syrup is cooled down now as well.” You shifted the phone to your other ear as you looked through the cabinets for a cooking brush.

A loud smack sounded from the other side of the phone. “Nice kill Oikawa!” What sounded like high fives echoed, a chorus of praise for their star player.

“Ok, so once the cakes are cooled, cut them like you usually do. Brush a good amount of syrup on them before you spread the crème fraîche, and space the strawberries throughout it. Follow with the whipped cream on top and that should be it.” He had committed the recipe to memory, having made it with his mother at least a hundred times.

“Thats simple enough, but what about all the chocolate you made me buy?” You picked up the unopened bar.

“Oh that's for me, that new horror movie came out last week! Let's rent it and have a sleepover F/N-chan.” You could hear him take you off speaker phone, waiting for your answer.

“Goodbye Tooru.” You chuckled as you hung up the phone. “That jerk made me buy the expensive stuff too.”

----

It was now Monday morning, the weekend passing by at an excruciating slow pace. The cake sat atop your counter for what seemed like an eternity. You had woken up early for school, wanting to make it before Sugawara did. An hour early would have sufficed, but your body decided on two. The sky was still dark when you left your house, cake in tow. Most people would think the station would be empty this early in the morning. But it had never been busier. You thought falling asleep last night was hard, but getting the cake to school in one piece may be your most daunting task yet. But after three ‘’almost drops’’, two grubby hands, and one very pushy man. You had finally managed to get the cake to the front gates of the school, all missteps avoided.

Sneaking into his office you turned on the lights, completely empty. “ Ok so I'll leave the cake here ,and this note. He should be so overjoyed by this cake that he’ll forget about even wanting to talk to me in the first place.” It was foolproof. You set the cake on the desk, repositioning it a few times. It had to be perfect to work, and god you wanted it to work. Once pleased with the placement you turned off the light, closing the office door behind you.

You spent the extra hour before school in the library, tucked away in the political section at the back of the room. The secluded table was the perfect place to catch up on some sleep. Sending a text to Yua to wake you up when she got to school, you laid your head down on a pile of textbooks. Drifting off as the librarians set up for the morning.

You were jolted awake, looking around the partially empty rows of bookshelves. A small snicker above you turned your attention towards the ceiling, Yua stood above you on the table. She bit her lip, trying to stop the laugh that threatened to escape. Stepping down from the table, she bent over to pick up the textbook she had just dropped.

“I’m sorry F/n-chan, but it was so tempting.” Hiroto laughed, his hand on your back.

A librarian peaked their head around the corner of the geography section, scowling your way. She raised a long finger to her lips, shushing you and your friends harshly before disappearing behind the bookshelf.

“I’ll remember that next time.” You picked up your bag, swinging it at Yua as you placed it on the table.

“Really F/N-chan, you should have seen your face!” Yua’s laugh grew loud, holding her sides as she leaned against the table.

You mocked her laugh, zipping your bag closed. “Come on, let's go to class before Yua makes another librarian mad.” You gave Yua a light push, rolling your eyes at her sorry attempts at an apology.

----

The office door was ajar as you made your way to your seat, eyes locked on the light that leaked out the open space. “Any minute now, he’s gonna walk out of that office with a smile on his face, and i’ll be totally off the hook.” The bell rang and everyone quieted down for the lesson to begin. The light behind the door turned off as Sugawara walked out. He held a fresh cup of coffee in one hand, steam trailing off the brim as he made his way to the front of the room.

“Good morning class, I hope you had a good weekend.” He gave the students a gentle smile as he picked up a stack of papers. He looked your way, his grip tightening on the handle of the cup. “L/N-san, the attendance please.” His mouth twitched as he tried to hold his smile.

“Maybe he didn’t see the cake yet, yeah that's why he's giving you that look.” You made your way to his desk, reaching over to take the papers from his hand. You pulled, but they wouldn’t budge. Looking up, you tried to meet him with a smile, wavering when your eyes met his.

He tightened his grip watching you struggle to pull the papers from his hands.

You glared up at him now, tugging again. Sugawara let go suddenly, smirking as you stumbled backwards slightly. You turned your back to him, taking a step away from the desk as he loomed over your shoulder as you took the morning attendance.

You quickly set the attendance on his desk before walking to your assigned seat, not daring to look back at him again. For the rest of the class you continued this, even refusing your college counciling for the day. Before long the class ended and he packed up his things to leave.

“If I just avoid him, forever, maybe he will forget about it...”, and that was just what you planned on doing. You had packed up your bag early into your third period, hoping to make it to the door before he came into the room for the lunch period.

You watched as the minutes ticked by, edging closer to the end of your seat. When the bell rang you were up in a matter of seconds, pushing your way into the middle of the group of students walking out the door. Your foot was about to cross the threshold when something firm tugged on your bags strap, pulling you back.

You looked up at Sugawara, his hand was firmly around your strap as he waved goodbye to the students.

“Have a good lunch, i’ll see you soon!” He smiled, pulling you closer as you tried to wiggle free.

“Are you coming F/N-chan?” Hiroto smiled weakly as he looked between you and your teacher.

“I’m going to borrow L/N-san for the lunch period so we can look over some college exam prep.” His smile was gentle, sickeningly sweet.

“OK, we'll see you after lunch...” Your friends waved you a slightly confused goodbye, looked back at you as they made their way down the hallway.

Sugawara slid the classroom door close before turning to you. “It sure was weird to see a cake on my desk this morning, did you make it?” He walked you over to a desk, nodding for you to sit down. He sat down on the top, peering down at you with that same offputting smile.

“Yeah, you asked me to make you one, so I did.” You smiled innocently at him, praying for a break.

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with Saturday would it?” He tilted his head to the side with an amused look.

“Of course not!” You awkwardly chuckled as you waved off the notion.

“Because it kind of seemed like a bribe…” He stood up, boxing you into your seat.

“Why would you say that sensei?” You were looking at the ground now, burning the braided seams of his black leather shoes into your mind.

“Because it had a note that said “Sorry, sad face”, you really wrote “Sorry, sad face“.” He signed, shaking his head. He knew it was an honest attempt at an apology note, at least from you.

“I was pretty sure it was gonna work too.” You laughed at the disappointed look on his face.

He sighed, walking to his office.

You followed behind, timid steps as you peaked inside. He was already sat down on the couch, ready for the talk he had promised you.

He motioned for you to sit down next to him.

You took the seat, uncomfortably sinking into the cushion.

“I’m not going to tell anyone about Saturday L/N-san.” Sugawara leaned forward, meeting your nervous stare.

Your mouth dropped open, but before you could speak Sugawara placed a finger to your lips.

“If you let me come to your next concert to meet your band members. I don’t really feel safe knowing you're out with a bunch of older guys, playing in bars, dressed like that.” His mind trailed off as his cheeks heated up. “I just want to make sure you're safe, and if you are, I won’t say anything.” He looked at you sincerely before taking your hand in his. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you. I would hate myself if I let you continue doing this and you ended up not coming home, or worse.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, “Just do it for me, please.”

You looked down at your hand in his, his thumb pressing softly into your knuckle as he squeezed it. You liked the warmth, but it wasn’t enough. You leaned over, resting your forehead against his chest.

His breath hitched as he looked down at you pressed against him.

You waited a moment before reaching up, circling your arms around his frame. You pulled yourself closer, your cheek now flush against his chest.

His own hands hovering over you, retracting as he brushed over your hair. He inched forward again, letting his palms graze your sweater before wrapping his arms around you. He was reaching his limits with you.

Sugawara was warm, the white cotton button up he wore soaking up his scent. It was clean and sharp. Images of freshly washed linens, hung up to dry on a wire outside on a breezy day. Early morning hikes through the forest during a spring shower, and walking barefoot through fields of white flowers and tall green grass crossed your mind as you took it in. The warmth he emitted was comparable to a hot shower after a long day, it enveloped you, sunk into your skin. His hold was firm, molding to you as you relaxed into his chest.

He laid his head softly atop of yours, closing his eyes. You stayed like this for a while, no one wanting to be the first to let go. Running his hand down your back, he reluctantly pulled away.

You could feel tears threatening your eyes as you looked up at Sugawara. The first few cascaded down your cheeks, dropping onto your white knuckles. In each fist was a section of your sweater, your fingers kneading into the plush fabric as you chewed at your lip.

“F/N, why are you crying?” Sugawara cooed, tilting his head.

You shook your own, trying to hide your sorry state from his prying eyes.

Soft hands cupped either side of your face, tilting your gaze up to him. “What's wrong, did I say something to upset you?”

You shook your head again, “No sensei. It’s just nice hearing those words come from you.”

“That I worry about you?” He gave you an amused smile, his head tilted in confusion. You nodded as he wiped away a stray tear with his thumb. “Well, you are an absolute mess. It's hard not too.” He leaned in slightly, his sweet tone masking the teasing words.

“Sensei, you're so rude.” You shakily laughed, rubbing your eyes with your sweater sleeve.

He smiled at you before ruffling your hair, “No more tears, ok?”

You nodded, watching him stand up.

“Give me your cell phone.” He wiggled the fingers on his free hand, opening it towards you.

You looked up at him quizzically, fishing it out of your pockets. You set it in his hand, your hold on it lingering before letting it go.

“I’m going to give you my number. Once you know when your next concert is I need you to text me the details ok.” He nodded, waiting for you to follow.

You gave him the acknowledgement he wanted, watching his slender fingers glide along the screen as he imputed his number.

“This is also for emergencies, so if anything ever happens. You call me and I will come get you. Any time, any place, I'll always come.” Sugawara extended your phone to you.

You nodded again, taking the phone from his hand. “Thank you sensei.” You looked at the contact still on the screen. He had written his full name. “You have a nice first name sensei….Koushi...” You repeated his name to yourself as you ran your finger over the screen.

He bit his lip at the mention of his name, something he wasn’t used to hearing come from your own. You had said it as he was leaving on Saturday, but it felt different now. That night it was rushed, muddled by the previous attempt to call him by his proper honorifics. It was sweet now, the syllables sounding more melodic as you spoke them. He felt the blood rush to his head, leaning against the desk for stability. He grabbed the edge, fingers digging into the wood as his legs failed him.

The bell rang, turning your attention to the door, and his towards you.

“I’m going to go take my seat sensei.” You looked back to him, standing up.

“Ok, yeah go sit down. I just need to finish something.” Sugawara waved you off with a shaky hand.

“You don’t look so good, are you ok?” You took a step towards him, frantically looking over the flushed man.

“Yes, low blood sugar. Go, desk, now!” He turned you around, giving you a solid push out of his office.

You turned around, face greeted with a closing door. “Maybe he should have eaten more than just cake.” You chuckled lightly, students starting to make their way into the classroom.

----

Class wrapped up for the day as english came to an end. “I still don’t get how you're so good at english. I told the teacher I was a baked potato during our oral exam. She didn’t even laugh.” Yua looked defeated as she held her failed exam paper in her hand.

“At least you got out an actual sentence, I just said “I Hiroto soccer happy.” She definitely laughed at me...” The poor boy didn’t even score in double digits.

“I told you guys, it's because I already know English.” You laughed as you placed your books into your bag. “I was born in America, it was my first language.”

Yua scratched her head as she recalled you saying that once or twice before. “Isn’t that kinda unfair…?”

“Let's walk home together since practice was cancelled on account of the weather!” Hiroto had grabbed both you and Yua's hands as he pulled you to the door.

They had called off all after school activities after lunch, the severe weather warning coming soon after on the P.A system. The forecast had called for light showers, but the thick grey clouds hinted towards the heavier alternative.

“I can’t, Sugawara-senpai is tutoring me today.” You gave your friends a sheepish smile. You hadn’t walked home with them in weeks. Everyday a new excuse.

“I didn’t know you started those again…” Yua frowned, letting go of Hiroto’s hand.

“We talked, and decided it was best to keep going with them. I failed that last math exam.” You scratched the back of your head, laughing.

“Ok...See you later I guess.” Yua slowly nodded, pulling Hiroto’s arm as she started down the hallway. The sweet boy waving a sad goodbye as he fought to keep up with her pace.

You tried your best to ignore the pit in your stomach, walking towards the office door. You reached up to knock, the door opening as your knuckles grazed the wood.

Sugawara walked out of the now open door, stopping just shy of running you over. “L/N-san, what's up?” He smiled, squeezing past you. He held your confused stare, mentally slapping himself as he connected the drawn out dots. He had completely forgotten that you had planned on starting up your tutoring sessions again. Too consumed with his other work.

“If you're busy today I can go home senpai.” You could tell from the look lingering on his face that today may not be the best.

He shook his head and smiled.“ Let me just go get some coffee and I'll be right back.” He disappeared just as quickly as he had opened the door, practically running down the hallway.

You took a seat at your desk, waiting patiently for him to return.

----

You had been working on math problems for almost two hours, watching as the weather got progressively worse outside. Sugawara sat in front of you as he watched your work.

“It sure is coming down, I hope it doesn't flood.” Sugawara was looking out the window at the heavy rainfall. A sheet of water running down the glass. A flash of lightning lit up the sky, a thunder crack rattled the desks as the lights in the school shut off. Sugawara walked over to the switch on the wall, flipping it a few times before sighing. “I guess it's a sign for us to call it a day.” He turned back to you, extending his hand for you to take. “It’s dark, let me walk you to the front.”

You took it gingerly, letting him guide you out of the classroom. The rows of windows illuminated the path before the two of you once you made it into the hallway. No more need for guidance as you let go of Sugawara's hand. You could see the hints of red tinting his skin, writing it off as the lingering sun peaking through the windows.

You walked down the dark hallway together, his hand ghosting your back as you made your way down the staircase, step by slow step. The soft chatter of a distant phone call perked your ears as you rounded the corner to the front office.

Sugawara leaned against the front desk, waiting for the woman to finish her call. He looked at you briefly, the slight squeeze on his heart turning him away. You had your hands pressed up against the glass window, watching the puddles forming in the courtyard. Your breath leaving small circles on the glass as you stood up on your tiptoes, fingers on the ledge as you balance yourself. You were smaller than the majority of your class, everything just seemed so big compared to you. Even the large window, the connecting bar placed perfectly at eye level.

“Sorry Sugawara, it looks like a falling tree hit one of our power lines. The company should be here tonight to fix it, you two should head home.” The office lady set down her phone, turning in her chair to face Sugawara.

“Ok, well good luck tonight.” Sugawara laughed, turning to you. “I guess that's the end of our tutoring session today. Let’s head home.”

You nodded, it was getting late and you still had a few train rides home.

Sugawara fished his keys out of his pocket as he walked to the front door. “Are you coming?” He questioned as he held the door open. The rainfall was deafening making it hard to pick up his voice over the static noise.

“No, I'm going to wait out the rain for a bit. I don’t have an umbrella for my walk to the station.” You waved him off as you leaned against the window.

“The train station is a twenty minute walk from here, you’ll get sick trying to walk home in that. Let me drive you home.” Sugawara unzipped his coat, pulling the sleeve off his arms. He wrapped it around you, holding it open for you to slide your arms inside.

“Really it's ok senpai, I can wait.” You smiled trying to slip out, Sugawara guiding your arms into the sleeves.

Once he got you situated in the coat, he zipped it up to your neck. “Let’s go!” He smiled, holding the door open for you.

You ran next to each other through the courtyard, his car parked in the courtyard on the far side of the school gates. Once you had made it he unlocked the car, opening your door for you to get inside. He waited for you to sit down, closing the door softly before running to the driver's side door. Crawling inside he closed the door and laughed. “Wow, it's really coming down! I'm soaked!” He ran a hand over his now opaque button up. The fabric clinging to the outlines of his body. The hours he had spent on the volleyball court were apparent, that was certain. He unbuttoned his shirt, setting it in the back seat. His white t-shirt wasn’t in much better condition, clinging to arms as he looked for something in the back seat.

You watched a drop of water drip off his hair down his cheek. Tracing the outline of his jaw, down the curves of his slender neck, and across his exposed collar bone before disappearing into his shirt.

“Here, for your hair.” Sugawara sat back in his seat, two towels in hand.

You stared at them, brain fried at the thoughts running through your mind.

He laughed before leaning over the center console, gently wiping the water off of your face before laying the towel over your head. “Put your address into my GPS.” He was now drying himself, wiping the excess water from his hair as he started the car and turned on the heated seats.

“I’m sorry it's so far senpai.” You frowned, starting the route.

“That's not far at all. I think you're maybe four blocks down the road from my own apartment.” He smiled, turning around as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Are you warm enough?” He placed the back of his hand on your cheek. “Still kinda cold, I'll turn up the heat.” He pressed the button on the dash a few times, the air kicking on.

You stayed quiet, watching the lights pass by your window as he speeded down the freeway. The sun starting to tuck behind the skyline of the city.

He couldn’t help but watch you out of the corner of his eye. You were tracing the outlines of the sunset on the foggy window. Your fingers looked so small peeking out from his clearly too large coat. He hoped it smelled at least a little bit like you when you gave it back. Like daisies and spice. It was fitting to him, a lot like your personality.

“Do you want to play some music? We still have a half hour or so to go.” He handed you the cord as he switched the station.

“I’m not sure you’ll like my music sensei...” You blushed, but he insisted.

“I listen to just about anything.” He flashed you a sweet grin before turning his eyes back to the road. That was a lie, he was very particular about his music. But he wanted to know what you listened to.

You plugged your phone in and browsed your collection. “Well, I do have this one.” You shuffled the songs and sank into your seat, watching his reaction to the playlist you had made for him. You had made it after the day at the nurses office, and slowly added to it as time went on. Just a collection of songs that reminded you of him.

He seemed to enjoy it, tapping his finger along with the songs as he watched the road. “You have a lot of english music, do you speak it?” He looked to you as the next song started.

“Um, yeah. I was actually born in America. I moved with my parents in kindergarten. They both had job opportunities and I was already learning Japanese so it just worked out.” You were happy most of the school didn’t know of your foreign upbringing. It made passing your “second” language class all that much easier.

“What do your parents do?” Sugawara turned off the freeway, easing to a stop at the red light at the end of the exit.

“Well my dad travels a lot. He’s a wildlife photographer, and my moms a professor at Tokyo University.” You watched the timer on the crosswalk tick down, cars rushing past.

“That's a long commute.” The light turned green and Sugawara lightly pressed the gas.

“She lives in Tokyo with my grandfather. He got really sick after my grandma died, so she stays with him.” It was a commonly known fact at the school that you lived alone. Your parents had told the school when you started first year, just for safety purposes. You found out later that a lot of the older students lived alone. Their parents renting apartments for them so they could focus on their studies.

“So you're all alone at home?” Sugawara always hated the thought of students living alone, especially you.

“Well not all the time. Iwa-chan visits me alot, and Oikawa comes over when he's home.” It made your heart skip a beat when he worried about you like this.

“As long as you're safe...If you ever feel uneasy you can call me, I'm just a short drive away.” Sugawara flipped on his blinker, waiting for his turn to merge onto the next street.

“Thank you senpai, I really appreciate it.” You reached your hand out, placing it on his forearm. You gave it a soft squeeze before returning your hands to your lap.

He wished the contact lasted long, the warmth already leaving his skin. He wanted to reach for your hand, hold it in his own as he drove. He wanted to rub small circles on the back of it, feeling over the veins and tendons, commit them to memory. They were so warm, even with the brief contact. He really did live for these moments with you, where the teacher/student boundaries broke down and he could just be near you, savor the atmosphere. He couldn’t tell if it was the rain, the music, the close proximity, or just how much he missed talking to you. But he had that feeling again, the longing to reach out and touch you. He looked down to your lips, soft and plump. They were his favorite shade of rosy pink. He hated to admit it, it was cheesy, but nothing described how he felt quite the same way.

“Do you like the playlist?” You blushed, had he been aware how long he had been staring at you?

His eyes watched as your lips formed to the words you spoke. A car horn behind him finally turned his attention away from your lovely gaze. How long had he been sitting in the turning lane? He looked down both sides of the road before finally turning into the road. “Yeah, I do. Did you have a theme in mind when you made it?”

“Love…” You looked down at your phone, flicking through the tracks of the playlist.

His eyes widened slightly at your response. He knew it was a collection of love songs, he had most of these on his own playlists. But to hear you say it, it made his heart squeeze. “Can you send me it?”

You nodded, pulling up Sugawara’s contact name. You looked over his full name for a moment before pressing send on the message.

A few seconds later his own phone vibrated in his cup holder, your number popping up on the screen.

Your house was coming into view as he drove down the street.“It’s the white house, brown roof.” You pointed to the one with the porch light on, the driveway empty.

He pulled in, putting the car in park. “Well, we made it.” He smiled, reaching his arm around you to rest on the back of your seat.

“Thank you so much senpai, I'll make it up to you I promise.” You giggled, happy to have made it home relatively dry.

“You don’t need to worry about it, I don’t mind helping you.” He looked down at you, eyes softening as he met yours. The deep hazel was unreadable as he searched over your own.

You looked over his soft features, admiring the way he looked in the dim light of the sunset. You could see the soft reds and pinks reflected in his eyes, the warm hues matching the ones creeping over the bridge of your nose. Your eyes traveled down, lingering on his lips. Watching them part slightly as he shifted in his seat.

He leaned in slightly, eyes never leaving your own. Stopping just shy of your lips, his breath ghosting over the tingling skin.

Your heartbeat quickened as you took in a shaky breath. You closed your eyes ,leaning in. Your lips were cold, nothing but air brushing past them. Opening your eyes you were met with a sad smile, Sugawara sitting back in his seat.

“Good night L/N-san. Please get inside safely.” Sugawara looked down at the steering wheel, tightening his grip on the leather. The pressure in his chest grew as he avoided your looks.

Your heart dropped at the lost opportunity. You got out of the car, stripping yourself of his coat. Folding it over itself, you set in in your seat before closing the door.

Sugawara watched you walk up your front steps, waiting as you opened the door. He wanted to see you turn on at least one light, just to prove you were safely inside.

You turned off the porch light instead.

He drove home, biting back the tears that lined his eyes.

----

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

----

*Hi, me again! I actually made a playlist for this chapter. If you want to listen to it I provided a link! *

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/35WHmMJAgINCRrYzeJ3sQo?si=YfB0nGypRh63DZgOuDgMEg

24 notes · View notes