#especially lumina. however i want her as a woman

[crescentmp3]

hi. working on something

[nattosushi]

Baldur's Gate 3 fan fiction: gift fic for Dark Urge Diaries

Sharess' Caress was always a popular place, but the amount of people lining outside was truly extreme. In addition, most of them were holding some form of instruments.

"One of the patrons, apparently a very rich merchant, wishes to hire a bard for his wife. He is offering an extremely generous pay," one of the hopeful explained.

A cliché, but the pay was good, even for those that only pleased them in the audition. Lumina decided that this easy method of making some coins, which they could always do with, was too good an opportunity to pass; especially when she was able to arrange a way for someone to hold her place in the queue due to having done a favour for one of the workers.

There were many candidates and a few were even paid, but no one was chosen yet.

"They want something original," one of the rejected artists muttered, "My tale was 'pretty', but not special enough."

There was something exceptionally unique that she could share, but it was more than a little embarrassing.

"You are going to make up a song about that? Really, darling," Astarion examined with a roll of his eyes, "Is it really necessary for you to let even more people know about your tentacle adventure?"

"I won't say it is me, it'll just be a story," due to the lack of time, it was not going to be a very good tale, but she was sure that the distinctiveness would make up any other faults.

Lumina was even more certain of her decision when the bard in front of her was sent out with a woman yelling: "Tell anyone that if they have a story about Balduran, then they don't need to bother entering." (1)

The closed door muffled the conversation of the couple inside, but the voice of the man was one that she was forced to be rather familiar with.

It was now curiosity that motivated her.

Entering, she saw Raphael lounged on one of the numerous fine furnishings of the private room, a goblet in hand. At the sight of Lumina, he chuckled and turned to his companion, who was still standing near the door.

"My little one, you will definitely be entertained by this one."

His companion appeared to be a human woman and despite Lumina's scrutinising, she was not able to detect any other worldly feature.

The woman appeared to be in her twenties, and she was dressed in an intrinsically embroidered blue dress with expensive lace. Not only was she adorned with various bracelets and rings, gold and silver chains of gemstones were twisted around both her neck and hair.

"It is all very well to be patriotic to one's city but does every second bard have to sing about the founder?" the woman muttered as she went to stand beside Raphael, "The songs are not even new. I remember hearing some of them when I was a child in Beregost. It is all so dull. My love, I am so bored!"

"As I said, this one is different," with this, Raphael patted the spot beside him, "So be a darling by sitting down and listen."

Despite the fondness of his tone, it was a clear command.

The woman obeyed without any hesitation, sitting on the armrest and leaning right against him. The smile she gave the cambion as he placed his arms around her was a genuine and even indulgent one.

Lumina's tale was about love, but it was between a very pair of unlikely lovers.

An amnesic humanoid and an illithid.

Much to Lumina's amusement, it was Raphael that stopped her, while the woman listened with a morbid fascination, even leaning forward.

"I have seen all the torments of the Hells in lurid detail," he said in disgust as he took a rather large sip of his drink, "None compare to the image you just conjured."

"But we were just reaching the exciting part! Are the mind flayers like humanoids down there?" his companion asked, "Did you get that far in your research?"

"Why do you even want to know?" Raphael said, sounding suspiciously like he just choked on his drinks. However, he then chuckled as he pulled her into his lap, "My precious treasure, I must have been neglecting you too much if such thoughts are what entertain you so."

"You have left me alone for a long time. Then, you forbid me to go anywhere without you," the woman pouted before she kissed him, "My punishment is not fair, my devil. I went out with two of my best guards."

"Did we not agree that you need a minimum of three in certain places? Do not," this was uttered with him yanking her chin, "Make me chain you up."

But the woman merely laughed as she gave him another kiss before she broke free of his hold and stood in front of Lumina.

"So this must be one of your two new clients. Since she experienced such wild adventures, she must not be the druid but the other one."

"I am Lumina. Elora is the druid. What of you? Who are you?"

"Dahlia is my most precious treasure," Raphael answered instead, "Which is why she must be carefully guarded when she is not by my side."

"Ever since you made me your wife, I have never been in any danger," she retorted as she went to sit by Raphael once more, "The last being that tried to do so did not even manage to touch the tip of my fingers. Darling, it has been such a long time since I was in Baldur's Gate. It is too cruel to bring me here and confine me to this room."

"We will go out as soon as I finish dealing with the more urgent businesses," Raphael said as he kissed her hand, "That is why I am finding a bard to distract you. But I cannot bear the thought of even one bruise on your body. I might end up destroying this whole city in retaliation. Surely you don't want that on your conscience?"

"This story is no less fantastical than the one I just told," Lumina pointed out.

"Oh, you wound us with such comparison," the cambion cried out in mock horror, even placing his spare hand on his chest, "We infernal beings love, just not in the same way as a humanoid. Just as a vampire loves in a very different way."

"Astarion – " she automatically began before she quickly stopped.

"You are right, she is very amusing," Dahlia cried out in delight, "What a shame that I can't have you as my personal bard, Lumina."

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Lumina was certain that if she did choose to change her career, she would not encounter a stranger audience. However, it was still enough to make her decided against it for the time being.

The unusual meeting at the suitably named Devil's Den would merely be one of the numerous interactions with Raphael. Even thought she has yet to sign a contract with him, there were moments where a verbal exchange was done. Such as the explanation of Astarion's scars.

Lumina did not hesitate in helping Astarion to ascend. As Astarion had told her, no one should have to deny their true nature. Despite what he would say, she knew he loathed being constantly meek and begging for protection.

It was either him or Cazador, and the seven thousands souls were already doomed. To release them would result in more chaos. Seven thousand was enough to be a small city. It would not be possible for such a place to sustain itself when the food sources were so quickly consumed. (2)

"But there can be other ways. The death of seven thousand is just too horrifying." Elora had whispered, "Vampires might not be natural beings but…"

There were times when she was almost envious of the other. With the exception of the tadpole, Elora could live in such a trouble free way. The druid's purpose was very simple: to protect nature. Even her personal life was very straightforward. She loved Halsin and despite the other claiming that he was not one to settle down, he seemed to have quickly changed his mind.

As if finding out her past as a chosen of Bhaal was not bad enough, she was even rather intimate with Gortash. When he kissed her hand, she flushed due to her body remembering the much more that used to follow.

"My nearest and dearest," he had whispered, "You are my equal."

For a man like Gortash, this was not an idle praise, but a promise. For all his faults, she knew that he always kept his words to her.

Astarion accepted this with a laugh as he assured her that he was not going to abandon a feast just because another had a nibble.

"Besides, I know who is important and who is just for fun," he added.

His nonchalance, however, did not extend to the issue of her being his vampire bride.

"Isn't that what you want? To be mine forever."

He was not wrong, but his new position made it so much more complicated. Both of them started off being uncertain and while she became all the more confused due to reconciling her old and new memories, he had gained the certainty of being what he truly desired all this time.

He has achieved all that he longed for, both as a human and a spawn, while she was still trying to work out who she was.

Astarion was also much more powerful now and she could understand why he was suddenly intoxicated by it, especially when he had been retrained for so long. She was not alarmed by his sudden sense of superiority, because that was the natural reaction.

But to be bound to him by being his spawn, even as a vampire bride, was different. Cazador was the reminder of the extent of power a master could wield. Astarion was different, but it was not always easy to ignore the temptation of such power.

She did notice a change in the way he addressed her. Even though he had always called her various nicknames with 'my' attached quite frequently, his tone had become rather different. It did not always seem like a figure of speech anymore.

In addition, he also added 'little' now and then.

It was, she suddenly realised, how the millennia old devil addressed his once mortal wife. Raphael was indulgent and even doting with her, but each request was a command that he expected her to obey.

Yet Dahlia was clearly not bothered by it. It was even debatable to say that Raphael ordered her around, as she would have done whatever he wanted most willingly even if had been an offhand suggestion.

Dahlia had been with Raphael when he explained the meaning of Astarion's scars.

"So, what do you think, my little love?" Raphael had suddenly said, "What will you do if we are the stars of this play?"

"You know that I don't really bother with such impossible what ifs," she said with a yawn, "I told you that in our first meeting."

"Indulge me."

"If you are one of the seven thousand souls then I'd stab Cazador or Astarion or whoever. The rest sixty nine hundred or so can then go wherever they want as long as it is not near us. But if you are the one who benefits from the seven thousands then I'll gladly exchange them all for you," she said grimly, "Yes, I'll feel bad for the death of seven thousand, but I know I'll feel much worse if you are affected negatively."

"You always say such adorable things," Raphael laughed as he scoped her up easily in one arm, "I think my urgent business right now is you."

"Good. I have been waiting for so long." She giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Then, they were both gone.

"If it isn't my favourite bard!"

Much to Lumina's surprise, the woman that she was just thinking about was sitting at a table only a few steps away. The table was lavishly spread with a feast and it was also situated at a vantage point that allowed both privacy and security.

"Oh, I have my guards. One at every corner," Dahlia said as she beckoned to Lumina, "That is the only way Raphael would let me leave his side."

Lumina was able to spot two, but the remaining two were much more skilled.

"He insists on attending to all the issues himself, despite how trivial it might be. Some of these papers could even rival with my old employer's ledger," Dahlia explained, "I tried to help him but it was just too boring."

"Do you not wish to know about his dealings?" Lumina asked, accepting the juice instead of wine.

"Why would I want to?" Dahlia answered bluntly, "I know who and what he is. I don't need to hear about it in extensive details. Are you going to ask your vampire about each and every single person he killed when he is out of your sight? Isn't it enough that you know and accept that he feeds in such a way."

"Do you know Gortash?" Lumina suddenly asked, "Or was that before you…married?"

"Asking a woman her age? How shocking!" Dahlia chuckled before admitting, "I would soon be one and half a centuries old. I don't even know why I am still counting. Raphael says it is my remaining humanoid mortality. But he also says that when I complain that he is over protective."

"Is that it?"

"What do you mean 'is that it'? Anyway, I don't know most of his debtors, apart from the really special ones. I don't want to and I don't need to," very briefly, her gaze darkened and her body even slouched slightly, "To love one who can and might destroy so much with a snap of his fingers can be difficult. As I said, I know and accept, but I don't need all the gory details."

"Is that not ignorance and denial?"

"Yes, and hypocritical. I have had ample time to think as well as having heard various insults and accusations. I haven't developed a thick enough skin yet, but it is not as thin as it once was."

At one hand, the woman was almost the epitome or the obedient young wife of a much older and powerful man, and it seemed a role she played willingly. Yet Raphael's true nature meant the acceptance could not be so straightforward.

"Do you have any regrets?" Lumina asked.

Lumina would be the first to admit that she had a fondness for luxury, but at the same time, she did not think she could be dependent on them being provided for her. She was sure that the comfort would be tainted by the worry that the provider might suddenly change their mind.

"I was only an adventurer for a brief time due to wanting to accompany my sister, and I do not remember that period with fondness. I was happier living quietly in Beregost. Also, Raphael had always been like this. My situation is very different from yours."

"Was I so obvious?" Lumina chuckled as she decided to indulge in some wine, since the difficult part was finally approaching.

"Nowadays, that is what most people tend to ask me about. However, your situation is rather interesting. After all, your vampire was very different, wasn't he?"

Lumina did not even bother to nod. Not just because the answer was obvious, but Dahlia was even there when Raphael explained the ritual.

"The disparity of power between Raphael and I means that he sees me as fragile and even weak, in need of his protection. However, we have always existed with such inequality, unlike you. If you become his spawn, then that division would be all the stronger."

"Do you think he would treat me in the same way that Raphael treats you?"

"No, because you and I are different people who desires different things. I am merely trying to explain the reason that Astarion's attitude would shift. The problem of a disparity of power results in a fear almost akin to paranoid due to how special you are. To them, we are almost like a hopeless child that wants to walk in the Underdark alone."

"Hardly an accurate simile."

"It is not the best one, but it is the only one I can think of to illustrate the extent or our hopelessness. But that is why our choices might be made for us, because we are seen as not being able to make the best one. We can definitely make our choices, but how we convince them would be the important part."

With this final statement, Dahlia placed her goblet down and stood up with a wide smile, her arms stretched out. She was immediately embraced by Raphael and even though it was only for a brief moment, the cambion's gaze was gentle and even tender.

As for Dahlia, her joy was obvious. It was not that she made the best of a situation, but that she was truly happy with her life. As a result, any other issues could be solved.

Was she able to do so with Astarion? Was the sudden shift of his abilities just a minor conflict, or was it too extreme a change?

Then there was Gortash, who she suddenly realised was in a rather similar position as her due to her disappearance and change. Was the shared past and desire together to overcome this almost new Lumina?

She could not answer any of these questions, yet she was sure of one thing.

She cared for both of them greatly and she was willing to endure various compromises in order to achieve a level of happiness for all of them.

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Notes:

(1) This was prior to her discovering The Emperor's identity. Ironically, her tale was about Balduran too.

(2) I actually researched this. By Faerun standard, over 5000 and under 12000 can be called a small city

General Note

This is a gift fic that I wrote for the YouTube user Dark Urge Diaries, the creator of my favourite BG3 videos.

One of the reason I really like her clips is because she give them a proper background, which makes it almost like watching a story. She also has very good explanations and interpretations in regard to ascendant Astarion. After reading her explanation on how Tav might be a vampire bride, I decided that this seems what Tav is.

This story is written from the view of her main dark urge Lumina, and her idea that Lumina used to know Gortash, and also had a more intimate relationship with Raphael. While I kept the former in this story, I did change the latter.

Elora is her other Tav, who is a druid and paired up with Halsin. It seems that she is the non-dark urge Tav. I know that the dark urge and normal Tav does not coexist at the same time, because the implication is that one of them die if the other survive (a bit like dragon age) I like the idea that the two of them both exist in this timeline. I think in the latter D&D games, druids do not have to be true neutral. Judging by the choices Elora made on the clips with Halsin, I feel that she has a good alignment. This then allow me to explore the issue of the seven thousand souls from the perspective of three alignments.

I admit, I wrote the mind flayer part in the beginning purely for fun, because Raphael's reaction to Tav telling him the emperor is her lover is just way too fun to not use. As for the extent of Lumina's involvement with the Emperor it is open to interpretation of the original author. It might just have been some light flirtation or it could have been more.

When I was writing another fan fiction with Raphael and Dahlia, I was thinking about how he would address her, since it is reasonable to assume that he would give her other nicknames if they are together. I then realised that the ways he might address Tav is rather similar to ascendant Astarion, which then result in me thinking about all the various ideas that made it into this fan fiction. I actually feel that the way ascendant Astarion address Tav is a little bit affected, since he is actually not that old.

Dahlia is still in a state of simply enjoying being pampered. In addition to her personality, she was also recovering from a certain extent of PTSD due to having being tortured by Sarevok. It is possible that she might want to do more later, but it would be a gradual process. If Dahlia immediately demand some sort of an influential role despite having little to no knowledge, then Raphael would naturally refuse. And if she continues to push it, then he might do something rather drastic due to the possibility that she might take matters into her hand and ended up causing harm to herself.

Unfortunately, there is no clear ending. It is really just Lumina thinking about her position and a slight comparison.

The prompt actually relate to the idea that some of the sacrifices might be painful and it also hint the slightly dysfunctional aspect of the relationships due to the people involved.

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Below is my thoughts on Astarion's relationship with Tav, both as a spawn and vampire ascendant.

Since I have only watched clips online, I don't think I have the complete picture. But judging from what I have seen, I do think ascendant Astarion still loves Tav, but the sudden shift of power did have an effect. He is now extremely powerful, which would result in him seeing Tav as someone much more fragile. The fact that she will become his spawn then naturally continued the power disparity.

I am not idolising the relationship because there is a lot of possible problems. However, I feel that the same can be said for the spawn ending. In the spawn route, the view I got is that Astarion seems very reliant on Tav. He does not seem to be as concerned for himself, as the focus is on Tav so much more. At a glance, it seems a pretty good situation, but after having a hard think about it, I can see problems with this. There is the danger that it could become him using her as a live emotional crutch, even having a breakdown with Tav gone. Of course, one can argue that this he and Tav could work out. But then, the exact same thing could be said for ascendant Astarion. He would probably get over the rush of power and they can work through the changes Tav is not happy about. As shown in the epilogue, when Tav complains about missing her freedom, he suggests that they might have had this argument before, and even though he is not happy about it, he actually still treat her very well.

Another issue that often get mentioned is ascendant Astarion's reaction in regard to Tav being a mind flayer. There is actually two separate issues: the rejection and the method of rejection. To be honest, I think his acceptance as a spawn seems to be the case of him being frightened at the alternative of her not being there, the idea that anything is better than that. I think it is safe to say that the majority of people won't be able to accept their lover/partner suddenly being a mind flayer (Gale's acceptance is an exception, not the norm). The other issue is the way Astarion rejected her. I can't bring myself to see the clips, but I have seen people saying that he was very harsh and cruel in the rejection. I don't know the exact wording, but given that this is something he really did not want Tav to, and yet she did; and something that he, for all of his power, is not able to do anything about, I can see why he would react in such a dramatic way.

[enigmaticexplorer]

I Yearn, and so I Fear - Chapter XII

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

General Summary. Nearly a year since the Galactic Empire’s rise to power, Kazi Ennari is trying to survive. But her routine is interrupted—and life upended—when she’s forced to cohabitate with former Imperial soldiers. Clone soldiers. 

Pairing. Commander Wolffe x female!OC

General Warnings. Canon-typical violence and assault, familial struggles, terminal disease, bigotry, explicit sexual content, death. This story deals with heavy content. If you’re easily triggered, please do not read. For a more comprehensive list of tags, click here.

Fic Rating. E (explicit)/18+/Minors DNI.

Chapter Word Count. 4.7K

A Like without a Reblog will result in an automatic block.

23 Melona

The meeting with Carinthia was quick. Kazi transferred the men’s datastick and Carinthia exchanged the Imperial credits. 

A cooler morning kept the warehouse’s temperature tolerable. It had been weeks since Kazi was last called here for network-related dealings, and even longer since the network’s contacts requested her to spy. She found the lack of both communication and work odd. However, there were more important things keeping her busy.

Her interaction with Carinthia was fairly quiet. Carinthia seemed more tense than usual, her words polished yet curt, her Inner Rim accent detectable. Kazi didn’t pay much attention to the exchange or Carinthia’s moodiness. Her mind was elsewhere, stuck like a fly caught in a spiderweb.

This morning, when she started on breakfast, she found a lumina berry already prepared. Long strips, somewhat jagged and imperfect, rested on a plate for Neyti. Chunks, cubed and proportional, cluttered a bowl.

Wolffe was notably absent from his usual spot, working outside, tending to his garden. 

Kazi regarded the lumina berry strips and chunks for far too long. Her mind whirred from confusion while something deep and inscrutable inside her warmed. 

The thought of Wolffe preparing the lumina berry bothered her. She had clearly been too open yesterday at the Marketplace. Too vulnerable. She didn’t want his fucking pity, and she had half a mind to call him out on it—

“I’m surprised you’re not married yet.”

The sheer randomness of the comment caught Kazi off guard, and she could only blink her confusion, eyeing Carinthia. 

Marital conversations she expected from Daria. But the opinion of a stranger, and especially the opinion of someone like Carinthia, both annoyed and unsettled her. Her bafflement must have been obvious because Carinthia shrugged, tucking a crimson curl behind her ear.

“I researched Ceaia when you first joined the network,” Carinthia said. “A woman of your age should have been married by now, and with two kids.” She sniffed. “Your culture emphasizes marital duty, yet here you are. Unmarried and childless, unless you count Neyti, whom I don’t.”

Electing nonchalance to defensiveness, Kazi shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. “I never agreed with that part of my culture.”

“That’s not so surprising.” Carinthia snickered. “Your life has always been so easy. I suspect ignoring a major part of your culture’s expectations was something you could casually brush aside without fear of consequence.”

The condescension in Carinthia’s tone made her clench her jaw. Their introductions to the network differed, and even though their roles complemented one another, their interactions were few. But it was clear, from those few instances, that Carinthia didn’t care for her. Snide remarks, disparaging looks, tense disagreements.

“My life hasn’t been easy,” Kazi said stiffly. “I may not be a slave in one of the Empire’s mines, but not everything has gone my way, either.”

“No?” Carinthia picked at a nail. “You have a job. A home. You have people who love you. You’re safe and happy. Your life is the epitome of easy.”

Kazi had told herself the same thing over the last few months. The last decade. Her life was easy, her struggles were incomparable to those of others, and she had no right to complain. But there was one inaccuracy in Carinthia’s assessment: She wasn’t safe. And she didn’t appreciate someone like Carinthia judging her life.

“I’m not sure what your problem is”—Kazi arched a wry eyebrow—“but your life has been just as easy, if not easier.”

Anger flushed Carinthia’s face.

“You were born into a wealthy family on an Inner Rim planet,” Kazi said. “All you’ve known for the entirety of your life is luxury and wealth. You’ve probably never wanted for a single thing.”

“You know me so well.” Carinthia sneered, blue eyes cold and unfeeling. 

Kazi considered her for a moment and then shook her head. It was obvious Carinthia wanted an argument, but she wasn’t interested in one. Turning on her heel, she strode toward the warehouse’s door—

“I was forced into my marriage.” 

The words were hushed, and Kazi nearly ignored her fellow rebel, her hand poised on the door, but curiosity stalled her movements. Still turned away from Carinthia, she hesitated. Carinthia’s past wasn’t her business, and she had no desire to spend more time than necessary with members of the rebel network. Yet she couldn’t move.

“I was a dutiful wife. Obedient and loyal,” Carinthia murmured. “I was everything my parents expected me to be. What my husband and his mother expected of me. I was the perfect wife.”

Telling herself she would regret it, Kazi lowered her hand from the door and faced the other woman. 

Shadows embraced Carinthia’s lone figure. Mocking and delighted, they sunk her cheeks and nipped at her sharp collarbones. They dulled her eyes into vacuous pits of emptiness. 

“I was the perfect wife, until I lost my child.” An eerie smile sucked what little color remained in Carinthia’s face. “My husband expected a child. He said it was my duty to provide as many children as he desired.”

A hint of nausea curdled her stomach; an unnatural chill pimpled her skin.

“Losing my child…losing her was…” Carinthia shook her head, wiping at her mouth. “The Empire came to power shortly after and I refused to sit quietly while my husband supported Palpatine’s domination. I was ostracized from my family for speaking out, for losing my child, for not providing another so quickly. I ran away, got in contact with the network, and made myself useful.”

It was like looking through a window to an alternate timeline. 

The haggard face before her—the cold resentment and unfeeling disdain—belonged to the woman Kazi could have been if she hadn’t left her mother’s house. If she hadn’t found another opportunity. 

“My daughter would have been two today,” Carinthia said, her voice breaking. She glanced at the dusty windows lining the top of the warehouse, blinking away her emotion until a cool, unaffected mask sat in place. “Did you make it to the kid’s field trip?” 

Kazi regarded Carinthia carefully. “I did.”

A bird’s song eclipsed the silence between them. Kazi briefly considered offering platitudes of sympathy, but she knew Carinthia would dismiss them. 

“Have you ever been loved?”

The question was so casual and innocent that Kazi nearly laughed from its absurdity. It was the sincere curiosity on Carinthia’s face that convinced her to remain serious. To take Carinthia seriously. She answered truthfully, “When I was a kid.”

“I fell in love once,” Carinthia said. “When I was a young girl who knew no better.” 

Carinthia closed her eyes. Flickers of pale sunlight played along the planes of her face, softening the hurt deadening her features.

“I have found that love only leads to pain.” Carinthia laughed. Quiet and cold. “I used to crave that sort of intimacy more than life itself.”

Muscles stiffened down her spine and Kazi stilled. 

Long ago, when she was a little girl, she dreamt of falling in love. 

She dreamt she would live in the lighthouse. Revived and beautifully painted, it would be her castle. For she would be a princess, and one day she would meet a knight, and they would fall in love and she would never be alone. One day, she would never fear the indomitable vastness of loneliness. 

But dreams were fleeting and reality a wheel that crushed frivolous wishes and imaginings. She was a little girl who broke, and there was no knight to rescue her. 

So she clawed herself to safety, and it was isolating and exhausting, and she didn’t care for the progressive advice claiming she was brave and strong for standing on her own. She was tired of being strong, and she was tired of being alone. 

“I think you understand,” Carinthia said, “more than you let on.”

Kazi fisted her hands behind her back. “I’ve never fallen in love.”

“Why not?”

Once, there was a little girl inside of her who yearned for intimacy. Yearned for the vulnerability of trust. Yearned to be seen and known fully. 

But that girl was dead.

Kazi had killed her. 

Killed everything she represented: whimsical innocence of life; fantastical longing for companionship.

Most importantly, she killed the part of her that yearned for love.

Shrugging, Kazi opted for a lie. “I haven’t met someone I trust enough.”

“It’s hard to meet someone you can trust when you remain so closed off.”

Kazi scoffed, needing to lessen the intensity of emotions she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in so long. “Being quiet—”

“I’m not talking about a quiet personality.” Carinthia waved a dismissive hand. “I’m talking about vulnerability. Does anyone in your life actually know you?”

Kazi held Carinthia’s gaze. People knew of her. Old classmates at university, familiar faces at the harbor.

But she knew the truth. She knew there was a depth to the question most people wouldn’t understand; a depth she was all too familiar with. 

“Invulnerability will protect you from potential pain and hurt,” Carinthia said. Her smile was pitying. “It will also isolate you from meaningful companionship.” 

Chuckling uncomfortably, Kazi reached for the door. 

“There will come a day when you find yourself loved,” Carinthia said, approaching her at a non-threatening pace, her hands finding the pockets of her black jacket. “But that person will want to know you. They will want to know the best parts, and the worst parts, and everything in between. And one day, you will have to make a decision to either let them in or push them away.”*

A meter separated them. The icy blue of Carinthia’s eyes thawed. 

“What do you think you will decide?” 

The words plagued Kazi the rest of the day, containing a truth she refused to acknowledge or accept.

A truth that had haunted her for years.

28 Melona

Muted oranges fell prey to the darkening blue of the sunset.

Enjoying a cup of lemon juice she found inside the stasis along with a plate of warmed food, Kazi shifted her attention from the sunset to the people. 

Seated among the stalky ferns overrunning the backyard, Neyti was drawing on her sketchpad. Nearby, Nova was reading his datapad—most likely the scientific article detailing the creation of nysillin shots he had shared with Daria yesterday evening at dinner. 

At the edge of the jungle, Wolffe and Cody sparred, sweat dampening their shirts. Their muscles strained beneath the other’s fists. 

Wolffe jabbed and Cody sidestepped. A hand struck for Wolffe’s chest. He deflected it. A successive punch forced Cody to retreat. 

They seemed evenly matched, and while Cody was quicker, Wolffe was dirtier. A deflected strike turned into a well-aimed tap in an area that should have been off-limits. It earned a baleful glare from Cody.

The backdoor swung open, startling Kazi from her viewing, and she stiffened at the sight of her sister. Daria stilled, her lips pursing. They eyed one another, and based on Daria’s disgruntled scowl, Kazi expected their argument to renew. It was one signifier of their differing approaches to handling arguments.

Daria vocalized her discontent and issues, and she didn’t shy from engaging in heated conversations. If a problem existed, she confronted it. Once the argument ended, she moved on. Daria was quick to anger, but also quick to cool, so long as she believed herself and her ideologies to be respected.

Similar to her sister only in their defensive attitudes, Kazi preferred silence and avoidance in the hopes the argument would soon be forgotten. By others. 

Kazi never forgot conversations, and she never forgot the wrongs committed against her. There was an unintentional tallying list in the back of her mind. Categorized and kept locked away, she retrieved her list when an argument coalesced and she had to defend herself with the harbored evidence.

Until that breaking moment, she avoided possible arguments. Years with her mother antagonizing her anger, she learned it was best to mask herself. To pretend she agreed with someone in order to gain their approval. 

Teachers, parents, high society mothers. The masking protected her.  

Only seven days had passed since Kazi enforced the morning/evening potions but Daria looked better. Her cheeks maintained a healthy blush. The circles beneath her eyes were lighter. Even her honeyed hair appeared softer and fuller. Finger spasms and random sweats were notably absent.

Daria appeared the portrait of grace and poise she was known for back in their Reformist city. The youthful beauty and respectable personality mothers of high society males desired of a daughter-in-law.

A year ago, the rumor mill expected Daria to marry into one of the wealthiest Ceaian families. The day she turned twenty-five, per Reformist marriage customs, Daria would have announced her choice of husband, after seven years entertaining marriage proposals. 

Daria turned twenty-five this last Telona. And instead of marrying into a wealthy family and establishing herself as a well-known socialite, Daria would die young. Unmarried and childless.  

Marriage and children: the two dreams Daria had yearned for since they were younglings. Kazi had only ever related to Daria’s marital desires. Younglings were a different story, and one she never considered as a youngling herself. 

Daria had nurtured her dolls, and Kazi had nurtured her stuffed animals.

Their dreams were different, but back then, they didn’t care. They were excited for the other. Hopeful. And even after all this time, the only thing Kazi wanted was for Daria to be okay. To live.

Her sister’s withering glare made her heart sink. Awkwardly, she cleared her throat. “Thank you for dinner—”

Daria strode away, disappearing into the living area. 

Loosing a breath, Kazi faced the windows once more, folding her arms over chest. 

The sky was bruising. Neyti continued to work on her sketch, though she had moved to the table with Nova. Wolffe received a jab in his ribs. Cody’s smirk taunted him and the man faked two punches before kicking Cody in the thigh. From Cody’s outraged expression, kicking wasn’t allowed. Wolffe flashed his own smirk in response.

Near-silent footsteps entered the sunroom and joined Kazi at the windows. 

“When are you going to give Neyti the bird carving?” Kazi asked conversationally.

A strong nutty scent wafted through the air. From the corner of her eye, Fox slowly sipped his caf. Black caf lacking creamer or anything appealing. The chrono on the wall declared it was 20:30. 

“I haven’t decided if I will.” Kazi stared at Fox, waiting for an explanation. He released a heavy sigh. “She…doesn’t like me.”

The way he watched Neyti with Nova belied both the flatness and forced disinterest of his tone. Fox might have perfected a casual demeanor that hid most of his personal motivations and emotions, but Kazi knew he cared. She knew it, because she did too.

“If you give her a chance to get to know you—”

“Have you given her a chance?” He flashed her a taunting grin. “That kid wants to know—”

“It’s really none of your business.” Kazi tugged on the end of a braid, keeping her gaze on the two men sparring and not the curious little girl.

Fox chuckled lowly. “Wolffe complains about you using that phrase. Frequently.”

“Do you need something?” she demanded.

Amusement danced in his eyes and then sobered into contemplation. His expression was solemn as he said, “Sibling dynamics are never easy.”

Kazi dug her fingernails into her biceps to stifle a reaction, even as embarrassment warmed her face. The reason she worked so hard to keep her life private—the reason she locked away her emotions and hid herself—was to protect from the judgment and criticism of others. She knew she was imperfect. But it was humiliating when others realized her own flaws. 

“The oldest sibling believes himself responsible for the youngest,” Fox said. “He wants to protect his sibling. He wants to see his sibling succeed. And then you have the youngest. He wants to make his older sibling proud. He sees his effort and sacrifice. And he’s grateful.”

Outside, Cody landed a sharp jab to Wolffe’s ribs. Wolffe staggered back a step. He spat into the ferns and raised his fists, beckoning Cody forward.

“The youngest sibling wants the older sibling to respect him.” Fox set aside his mug, tucking his hands into the pockets of his trousers. “The youngest views himself as a burden. Or a responsibility.”

Kazi slid her eyes in his direction. “I thought you were a marshal commander. Wouldn’t that make you the oldest?”

“I’m not the oldest of my mates.” His chin dipped toward Wolffe and Cody. “I know my maturity makes me seem older.”

She snorted, and his lips curved into a half-smile. 

“It was Wolffe who dragged me off Coruscant,” Fox said, after a hesitant moment. “He forced me to leave. I didn’t want to.”

The confession surprised her. “You wanted to stay on Coruscant?”

“Wolffe showed up. Tried to order me around.” Fox breathed a rueful chuckle. “By that time, I’d been with the Empire for six months. I hadn’t deserted. And seeing Wolffe wasn’t easy. I’d thought he was dead. I’d hoped he was dead.”

Quick mental math explained the reason Fox refused to look in her direction. He hadn’t deserted until earlier this year. Around the time of the Purge, and only two months before the men arrived on Eluca.  

“I didn’t want Wolffe to risk his life for me,” Fox said. “And I didn’t appreciate him ordering me around. Telling me I needed to leave. I told him to fuck off. He stunned me and dragged me out. Got me off Coruscant.” Fox rolled his neck. “I woke up thinking he got me out because I was his responsibility. Nothing more. I found him in the cockpit and we got into a fight. Bruised each other up a bit. Had a nice long chat after.”

“I know what you’re trying to do.” Kazi reached for the white curtain near her, pretending to fix its tie. “But your situation was different. Daria is sick and unable to make her own decisions.”

Fox’s silence was intentional, and she chose to ignore it. 

“Thank you, by the way,” she said. He lifted a brow in question. “For the idea to repaint the front door and banister.”

Fox shrugged. “We’re here for the time being. Might as well make the house livable.”

Slightly offended by his comment, she wrinkled her nose. “The house was perfectly livable before you arrived.”

He threw her an unimpressed look. She rolled her eyes, reconsidering his statement. 

“You make it seem like you won’t be here for long,” she hedged.

“This is temporary.”

“But Wolffe is building a garden.” She waved a hand at the wired structure. “That’s fairly permanent.”

It sounded ridiculous, even to her ears, and she grimaced. But the thought of the men leaving, perhaps soon, unnerved her for some reason. Fox regarded her with a shrewdness that discomfited her further. A small line creased between his brows. 

“Wolffe and Cody are dedicated to the missions,” Fox said slowly. “I want to settle down. But for now, their focus is elsewhere.”

Surprised, she frowned. “You want to settle down?”

The thought of the men building their own home, possibly finding partners and having children, seemed a juxtaposition to the soldiers undermining the Empire. A quiet, domestic life contrasted the stressful, mission-oriented lifestyle they currently lived.

“I’m tired.” The honesty in his voice was detached, resigned. “We’re all tired.” 

Their sparring complete, Wolffe and Cody broke apart, joining Neyti and Nova at the table.

“They’re better at distracting themselves from it than I am.” Fox watched his brothers, his expression somber. “We all want the life we were told we couldn’t have. But they’re too afraid to go after it. So they’ll exhaust themselves with the missions ‘til they get injured enough they’re forced to stop. Or they’re killed.”

Malaise shivered down her spine and Kazi realized she was gripping the curtain so tightly her fingers were numbing. She loosened her grip, rubbing her hands together. “And you’ll follow them, even when you want to stop?”

“Always.” 

Kazi studied Fox, noting the circles beneath his eyes and the wrinkles marring his forehead. She wanted to tell him he deserved the quiet, simple life he desired. That they all deserved it. But it was obvious he already knew he deserved it, and her repeating it was unnecessary. Her thoughts must have translated to her features because Fox shrugged blasely, excusing himself and taking his cup of caf outside. 

Waiting a few seconds to give Fox space, Kazi approached the outdoor table. Neyti waved at her, her grin eager, and she proudly showed Kazi her new sketch—a portrait. 

For someone so young, the intricate details in Daria’s face—the freckles along her cheeks and the tiny birthmark on her jaw—were eerily realistic. Neyti even captured Daria’s gentle countenance and the kind youth in her smile. 

The portrait was a surreal reminder of the impending future: a contrast of Daria’s liveliness to her hastily-approaching terminality. Soon Kazi would never again see her sister’s smile. The healthy blush to her cheeks. The humored crinkles around her mouth. The adventurous twinkle in her eyes. 

Such reminders crawled along Kazi’s back, like a fishing hook trying to snag her muscles and drag her far, far away. She forced herself to focus on Neyti. To smile and compliment the artwork. To follow Neyti as the little girl set aside her sketchpad, approached the neighboring jungle, and determinedly trekked through the luscious flora. 

Eventually they found themselves wandering the perimeter of the lake. Neyti led the way. Every few meters she stopped to sniff a new set of flowers, and Kazi plucked a handful, twisting the stems into a small flower crown. 

Soon, Wolffe joined them, his silent presence comforting and welcomed, and when Kazi placed the colorful crown atop Neyti’s head, he complimented the style, earning himself a blushing grin from the little girl. And a small, appreciative smile from the crown’s creator.

Beneath the crepuscular sky, the jungle’s nocturnal fauna awoke. Bioluminescent flora silvered the soiled trail and mossed the trees. The lake quietly lapped at the shore. Stars winked their knowing mischief, mirrored across the lake’s stilled surface. Glowing pale green plants sprouted. 

As the sky darkened further, flickers of yellow scintillated. Lightning bugs. 

Neyti stood at the edge of the lake and regarded the bugs with childlike awe. Even Kazi considered them with intrigue. They landed on her arms, zapped her with their stingers, and then moseyed along their way. 

A hum of bugs and trills of nightly birds filled the clearing. Tension Kazi had held for months—for years—soothed into quiet currents she could easily ignore. It had been a while since she last appreciated the natural beauty of the world around her. 

“I saw you talking with Fox.” Wolffe stood beside her, their elbows grazing every so often, his voice quiet so that Neyti couldn’t overhear. “You get along well.”

An unspoken question, maybe curiosity, underscored his tone and Kazi searched his face. For once, he wasn’t watching her. Rather, he overlooked the lake, eyes skimming between patches of sparking yellow.

“We’ve talked a few times,” she said. Hesitating, she knocked her elbow against his—sportive in its intent. “He cares for you. A lot.”

“I know,” he said roughly.

Oblivious to their conversation, Neyti moved from the lake’s edge toward the fallen tree. She sat on its trunk and outstretched a hand. A few seconds passed before a lightning bug landed in her palm. Her soft inhale of glee reached them and Kazi felt herself smile. 

Wolffe sighed. “Fox has endured a lot.”

“You all have.”

“Cody and I had generals to rely on. When things turned for the worst.” He levelled the full weight of his gaze on her. “Fox didn’t have someone to share responsibility with. He was on his own for most of the war. And after…”

The nearby trees’ bioluminescence cast Wolffe in a silvery-blue light. It reflected in his cybernetic and swirled among the rich depths of his dark brown eye. His eyes wandered across her face, and each place they rested, her skin warmed.  

“Fox doesn’t open up much. And he keeps things to himself to lessen the pressure on Cody and me.” His probing look was exasperated and pointed. “He thinks he’s doing us a favor. But he’s not.” 

Kazi lifted her face toward the stars and one of Eluca’s rising moons. 

Sometimes Wolffe read her too well. 

“Are you insinuating something?” she said.

“You know I am.” His elbow bumped hers gently. 

“You said it yourself,” she murmured. “He doesn’t want to burden you and Cody.”

“Tell me, Ennari”—Wolffe leaned closer—“is that why you do everything on your own?” 

“We’re not talking about me.”

“Answer the question.”

Still observing the stelliferous horizon, Kazi swallowed, thinking about the tattoo inked into her spine. “Who better to rely on than myself?”

There was a pause and then, his voice quiet, Wolffe said, “I’m here.”

Starlight, like dewdrops, glistened; a small smile tugged on her mouth. “Is this an invitation to be friends?”

Wolffe chuckled. “Thought we already were.”

Kazi laughed, the carefree sound earning her a toothy grin from Neyti. The little girl waved in their direction and then chased after another lightning bug.  

“You have an odd view of friendship,” Kazi remarked. From the corner of her eye, Wolffe shrugged, his head angled back as he studied the silver-dotted canvas. She surveyed the unfamiliar stars too, seeking constellations she knew she wouldn’t find. Jokingly, she said, “You could do better.”

“I prefer you.”

Above the treetops, alone and bright, the first moon had fully risen when Kazi returned her gaze to Wolffe. He was already staring at her.

“My father used to tell me that life was about finding the little things. Finding them and enjoying them.” They were close enough she could feel the heat from his body. Or maybe it was simply her own skin blushing beneath his unwavering stare. “You went from war to desertion to these missions, and I want to know… Do you feel alive?”

Wolffe held her gaze for multiple heartbeats and then looked away. Looked toward the lake’s mirrored surface. 

The question was cryptic and obscure. A question borne from the safety of night’s vulnerability and spurred by the man whose hollow eyes were far too familiar.

“I’m not sure. I’m mostly surviving out of instinct. Keeping my brothers alive, rescuing other men. I haven’t had an opportunity since the war to figure it out.” He angled his face towards her. “You’re the same way.”

Kazi wanted to argue. To disagree and flippantly brush aside his statement as lacking true depth and understanding of her persona. 

She didn’t.

Because he was correct. She attended finishing school out of duty, and strived to succeed out of a desire to earn her mother’s recognition. To be perfect. The fear of marriage—the fear of never being enough for a happy marriage—enforced her decision to run away from home and attend University. It dominated her career choice.  

Daria’s disease, the Purge, Neyti. 

Hiding from the Empire, trying to start a new life, working for the rebel network.

It was different from Wolffe, their experiences incomparable: his survival driven by the raw, human instinct to stay alive; her survival driven by the basic human desire to keep existing.  

Long ago, though, she had known what it was like to live. It was a fleeting warmth she could still feel hints of, and yet, when she reached for it, it evaded her. Like a lightning bug uncapturable. 

However, in a clearing lit by bioluminescent matter and a single moon, standing close to a man whose gaze didn’t leave hers, Kazi didn’t feel so alone. 

“Being alive isn’t a crime,” she said into the silence, a subtle question edging her tone. Wolffe searched her countenance, just as she did his, as if they mutually needed the reassurance of the other. 

“It’s not,” he murmured. 

“Sometimes it feels like it is.”

Wolffe brushed a stray hair from her forehead. “I know.”

Bugs glowed. A frog croaked. More stars blinked.

The world existed, lost to its own machinations, and still their gazes lingered.

Masterlist | A Muse | Chapter 13

A/N: It’s intentional that both Kazi and Wolffe are trying to find meaning to their lives. This fic isn’t about them “saving” the other. They’re both broken people who are hurting, but they’re both also trying—for their families, for each other, for themselves. 

* Line inspired by Measure of a Man, Chapter 15: "You laugh now, but one day, you're going to meet someone and they're going to want more of you than you're used to sharing. They're going to want it all: good, bad, brilliant, and ugly. You'll have to choose between forcing them out or letting them in." His gaze returned to the heavens, a smirk playing at the edges of his lips. "I'm curious to see what you'll do."

[rosafulmen-a]

𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 & 𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍.

I  feel  like  the  bulk  of  this  headcanon  is  self-explanatory;  however,  I  wanted  to  give  a  bit  more  nuance  as  to  the  why  and  how.  Namely,  I  wanted  to  tie  the  Lightning  Louis  Vuitton  campaign  into  my  canon  in  a  way  that  feels  authentic  to  her.

Unfortunately,  a  lot  of  female  protagonists  end  up  being  interpreted  in  broad-strokes,  and  I  don’t  feel  like  Lightning  is  an  exception.  Because  she  is  ‘bad-ass’  in  canon,  without  being  a  femme fatale  (  and,  therefore,  dressing  to  impress  ),  I  feel  like  a  lot  of  people  were  thrown  off  and/or  didn’t  like  her   Louis  Vuitton  campaign  because  they  didn’t  feel  like  it  was  true  to  character.  However,  given  much  of  Light’s  aesthetic  and  dress,  I  like  to  believe  the  opposite.

Yes,  Light  is  a  woman  who  can  and  will  kick  your  ass,  but  that’s  also  a  product  of  circumstance.  Her  parents  died  when  she  was  young,  leaving  her  to  care  for  herself  and  her  sister.  A  lot  of  people  in  equal  or  similar  circumstances  will  often  turn  to  things  like  military  duty  in  order  to  support  their  family.  Not  because  they  necessarily  want  too  (  though  I  think  Light  relishes  in  the  ability  to  fight  and  disarm  in  equal  measure  ;  it  makes  her  feel  as  if  though  she  can  protect  herself  and  others  ;  it  reassures  herself  that  her  sacrifices  were  not  for  nothing  )  but  the  financial  security  it  sets  up  for  a  person  that  young  can  be  second-to-none.  Though  I  personally  headcanon  Lightning  older  than  canon  ( XIII  puts  her  at  twenty-one  which  works  in  some  aspects,  but  her  expertise ?  Idk,  I put  her  close  to  twenty-five. ),  she’s  got  comfortable  lodgings  in  Bodhum  and  there’s  never  any  mention  of  her  and  Serah  struggling.  I  think  she’s  worked  hard  to  provide  a  life  for  herself  and  her  sister  where  they  didn’t  want  for  anything,  even  if  there  are  a  lot  of  things  she  missed  out  on.

A  lot  of  Lightning’s  design  is  inherently  feminine  and  extremely  elegant.  It’s  rose  petals  and  horses  in  armour  ;  feathers  and  shades  of  purple,  pink  and  peach.  I  think  Claire  (  and  Lumina  when  they’re  separated  )  enjoy  fashion  and  take  great  care  in  their  appearance.  I  adore  Lumina’s  gothic  lolita/harajuku  inspired outfit,  and  I  like  to  believe  that  many  of  the  garbs  in  Lightning  Returns  were  a  mixture  of  the  fashion  of  the  time  but  also  Lightning’s  interest  in  certain  looks  /  fabrics  /  etc.  I  love  the  idea  of  her  instilling  a  love  of  dress  in  Serah,  especially  when  they  were  younger,  and  one  of  the  ways  the  two  girls  bond  is  by  going  shopping  and  trying  /  rating  outfits.  I  think  Light  would  have  taught  Serah  how  to  use  makeup  in  her  spare  time,  especially when  their  mother  died,  even  as  her  own  applications  due  to  work  were  less and  less.

The  biggest  thing  about  Lightning  and  fashion  is  that  she  really  doesn’t  dress  for  anyone  other  than  herself.  It’s  why  she  expresses  discomfort  in  the  midnight  mauve  garb,  because  she  knew  it  was  made  to  attract  a  certain  gaze.  I  don’t  believe  she  hated  the  dress  itself.  It’s  also  why,  if  Light  was  to  dress  to  appeal  to  another  person...  that’s  a  big  deal.  She’s  not  someone  who  normally  craves  validation  from  other  people,  and  shows  her  private  vulnerabilities.

TLDR;  Let  Light  wear  the  cute  outfits,  cowards.

[razieltwelve]

The Empress (Final Rose)

Elsa smiled as she watched Averia float over the waters of the bay. How many times had they sparred here? It really was one of the few places they could fight without destroying anything important. It was remote, far enough away from anything important that they didn’t have to worry about a casual attack blowing away something vital. Of course, they couldn’t cut loose completely. There probably wasn’t anywhere on the planet that was safe for that.

As Averia inclined her head in invitation, her expression utterly neutral as befitted the second level of Saviour, Elsa reached for her Semblance. In an instant, the entire bay froze, and she stepped out onto the ice. A lifetime ago, or so it felt, she’d believed that her Semblance was the ability to control ice.

That was how it manifested, but the more she mastered her Semblance, the more she realised that controlling ice was a side-effect of her Semblance rather than its true nature. Now, at the age of forty-three, Elsa understood exactly what her Semblance was.

Her Semblance was made up of three main distinct components. The first was the ability to control the motion of matter on at least a molecular level. This was the ability that allowed her to freeze things and reinforce those frozen objects to a level of durability that should not be possible. All she had to do was to stop the molecular motion of matter. Matter that couldn’t move on a molecular level was not only frozen but also far more durable than normal. On a less fine-grained level, this ability allowed her to shape the matter she’d already affected, creating things out of ice.

The second main ability of her Semblance was the ability to convert Aura into certain elements. For whatever reason, her Semblance favoured the lighter elements in the periodic table, and it often preferred to create certain elements in a fused state. That was where the ice she generated came from: she was creating hydrogen and oxygen already bonded into water.

The third main ability of her Semblance was the most unusual. Much like Lumina, she could impart a degree of sentience to the things she created or shaped using her Semblance. That was how she created armies of ice constructs or ice projectiles that would tirelessly pursue their targets. 

Those three abilities made her Semblance one of the most powerful and versatilein history. It also meant she was one of the few people who might actually be able to dent Saviour if she put her mind to it.

Which she was about to do.

Averia allowed herself to drift down and stand on the ice. A thought had the ice around Averia rippling and tearing. Chains of ice lanced toward the pink-haired woman as more ice tried to envelop her feet. A pulse of power from Saviour shattered the ice around her. It was a shockwave produced by folding space repeatedly and then allowing it to ripple back into a neutral state.

Elsa smiled. They’d already been married by the time Averia worked out how to do that trick without being in the third level of Saviour. Of course, she’d never intended to catch Averia with that in the first place. Instead, all she’d wanted was a distraction.

One of the things she’d learned about her Semblance was that although it was easier for her to drop the temperature of matter by constraining its motion, she could also do the opposite. Long years of practice had allowed her to hone the ability to an absurd degree. A thought created a thin column of hydrogen gas. A second thought began to increase its motion. A third thought forced the gas to collapse into a smaller and smaller volume.

The result was the gas hitting a temperature hot enough to force the hydrogen to fuse into helium. It was, in simple terms, a fusion lance.

Radiance erupted from the beam, but Averia barely seemed to care. A swipe of one of Saviour’s blade’s caught the beam and deflected it upward into the sky. For a split-second, the sky above them was lit with a brilliant burst of white as the seething cloud of energy from the attack expanded outward.

Elsa almost rolled her eyes. Being able to parry a fusion lance made no sense, but Saviour had a nasty habit of tap-dancing over what people viewed as sensible. Oh well. She could make more.

A handful more of the attacks lanced toward Averia, and each was parried in turn. However, Elsa had not been idle. A cloud of nano-crystals formed in the air around her, each of them a minuscule blade of ice with its constituent particles utterly bound to as little movement as possible. With a gesture, Elsa flung the entire cloud at Averia. 

Her lips curved up into a faint smile. This was one of her favourite attacks. At the speed they were travelling at and taking their sharpness into account, her attack was basically the equivalent of nano-molecular sandpaper combined with nano-molecular chainsaws. She’d turned thousands of Grimm into little more than tiny chunks of ruined flesh with this attack. True, it was demanding, especially in terms of control, but it was effective.

Averia watched the attack coming in, and there was a flash of light as she swung her sword. The blast of energy annihilated the cloud and then parted seamlessly to either side of Elsa.

“You should stand a little further back before using that attack,” Averia said. “I can still reach you from here.”

Elsa chuckled. “Thank you for the advice.” She grinned, and ice began to cover her body as she rose up into the air. A massive ice dragon formed beneath her, and countless ice constructs pulled themselves free of the frozen bay. “But perhaps we should stop playing around.”

X     X     X

Elsa scowled playfully at Averia. “You should let me win at least a few of our sparring matches.”

Averia shrugged. “I don’t want you getting lazy.”

Elsa grinned. “Says the woman whose Semblance is basically an automatic win button.”

“If it helps, you usually last longer than anyone who doesn’t have Ragnarok or Saviour, at least, if we don’t start the match at close range.”

“That does make me feel a little better,” Elsa said. “Although I could use a massage.” She made a show of rubbing her shoulder. “My shoulder is kind of sore.”

Averia grinned back. “I suppose I could do that.”

[after-avenging-hours]

Incubus [6]: Bucky x Reader

What do you do when the most important people in your lives don’t approve of your relationship?

Incubus / Part 2 /  Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5

Word Count: 4037

Warnings: none

“How are you feeling?” Bucky’s soft voice fills your head as you begin to stir awake.

You release a tired moan, turning around to face him so you can bury your face into his neck.  “Hungry,” you respond with a sigh.

Bucky smiles.  That’s your usual response the morning after a large transference.  “Want me to make you something?”

You throw your arm over his chest and nudge your knee between his legs.  “Mm… no.  You’re my heat source.”

He chuckles quietly.  “Is that all I am to you?”

“At the moment,” you respond, though you’re sure he can feel your smile against his skin and it’s giving you away.

His arm tightens around your waist to pull you in closer, his head turning to brush his lips against your forehead.  “Minx.”

You laugh lightly, slowly beginning to blink open your eyes.  “And how are you feeling?” you ask.  Your hands travels down the length of his chest, pushing the sheets back.  Looking down, you can see that all that’s left of the wound on his side is a light scar. Your fingers trace over the faded mark.

“I’m alright,” Bucky assures you. “The energy transference did what it was supposed to.  Thank you, for your help, Lumina.”

You lift your gaze up to meet his, your lips drawn into a frown.  “Bucky what the hell were you thinking?”

He doesn’t like the look you give him; disappointment mixed with confusion and concern.  He’s not accustomed to feeling guilty over his actions. “In my defense, I didn’t plan to get into a fight with him.”

You raise a brow, looking at him doubtfully.

“I’m serious,” he tells you. “I went to tell him that you were under my protection and he wasn’t to go near you.  He obviously didn’t take too well to being ordered around.  He said that he could smell my scent all over you and that he knew exactly what was going on between us.  He tried to convince me that you were just using me to get intel on our kind.  That SHIELD has just stooped to a new low by whoring out their operatives.  I got so fucking pissed, I punched him.  Ended up breaking his nose and it kind of just went downhill from there.”

You release a soft sigh. Reaching your hand up, you run your fingers through his hair before your hand comes around to cup his jaw.  “Well, thank you for defending me.  But God, Bucky, I hated seeing you like that.”

His eyes turn sad, clouded with guilt.  “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” you whisper soothingly. You lift yourself up slightly, just enough to connect your lips to his.  You kiss him slowly and with compassion, to show him that you forgive him for his reckless actions.

His arms tighten around you moments before he’s rolling you onto your back.  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Lumina.  I was scared that I had ruined it all, last night,” he mutters against your lips.

Your hands run across the plains of his back, feeling the ridges of muscles beneath your fingertips.  “You didn’t ruin anything.  Just try to keep it from happening again, maybe?”

His cerulean gaze locks with yours.  “I don’t know if that’s a promise I can entirely keep.  I will defend you from anyone that’s a threat.  When word gets out about us and our relationship, there will be those that won’t understand it,” he warns.

You look up at him in slight shock.  “So, we are in a relationship?” you question.  This was the first time that word has really come up.

His brow furrows in confusion. “Yes, of course.  Did you not think we were?”

Your cheeks flush a little. “Well it’s just that we never discussed it…”

He frowns, “I thought it was implied… Is that not what you want?”

“No! No, it is.  It definitely is,” you reassure, placing your hands on his shoulders.

His gaze flickers between yours. “Then we are in agreement?”

You release a soft giggle, your hands moving up his neck to frame his cheeks.  “We’re in a relationship,” you declare.

A small smile quirks his lips upward.  “Yes, we are.”

You pull his face down to yours. However, the moment your lips touch, a loud rumble sounds from the center of your body.  The two of you pause your movements before Bucky bursts into laughter.  Your face feels like the sun when a second growl emits from your stomach.

Bucky pulls back, a wide grin on his lips.  “I should make a breakfast that will tame that beast.”

“Oh my God,” you breathe, covering your face with your hands to hide your embarrassment.

You feel his lips place a sweet kiss just below your navel.  “It’s okay, Lumina.  With how fast your body processes energy, it’s understandable that you’d need sustenance as well as sleep.”

You groan loudly.  “But we were having a moment…” you whine.

He chuckles lightly. Pulling your hands from your face, he places a chaste kiss to your lips.  “And we will have many more, I have no doubt.”

Admittedly, you like the sound of that.  A lot.

The two of you shuffle out from beneath the covers.  Once you’re standing, you take a second glance at your bed.  “I just realized that you actually finished my laundry and you made the bed.”

He looks at you confused, “I said I would…”

“You said you’d do my laundry. You didn’t have to make the bed too.”

His arm curls around your waist, tucking your body into his side.  “I wasn’t going to let you sleep on a bare mattress.”

You place a hand against his chest, smiling up at him.  “You know, for a demon, you’re awfully considerate.”

He grins, “Only where you are concerned.”

With a light laugh, you lead him to your dresser.  You’ve still got his red Henley and basketball shorts from your first night together.  You hand him the shorts and keep the shirt for yourself.  With your hands linked, you pull him out of your room and to the small corner that constitutes as your kitchen.

“What are you in the mood for, Lumina?”  Bucky asks you.

You send him a sweet smile. “You don’t have to cook for me. We’re in my apartment.”

He pins your body between his and the counter.  “Doesn’t change the fact that I still want to.”

You shake your head in amusement. He always gets his way. “Alright.  You make pancakes and I’ll make the coffee?” you offer.

“Fair enough,” he agrees, releasing you from his grasp.

You pull down the ingredients that he’ll need from the cupboards while he rummages through your refrigerator. With the two of you working together in your tiny kitchen, hips bumping occasionally as you try to move around each other, it feels oddly domestic.  Bucky finds it difficult to resist the urge to touch you, especially when his shirt rides up a little when you reach for things on the higher shelves.

You feel his chest against your back as you settle yourself in front of your coffee machine.  His head dips low, hot breath against your neck as his lips caress the shell of your ear.  “You’re making it hard to resist fucking you against the counter top,” he whispers darkly.

“I’m not even doing anything!” you whisper back with a laugh.

“Y/N?”

The two of you pull away from each other at the sound of Wanda’s voice.  Your cheeks flush in embarrassment, you may have forgotten for a moment that you had a roommate.

“Wanda!  Hey, um…  Sorry, Bucky kinda of showed up late last night.”

Her eyes remain locked on his form for a long moment before eventually flickering to yours.  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asks, jerking her head toward her room.

You frown slightly, “Uh, sure.” You glance at Bucky, muttering a quiet, “Be right back.”

He nods, watching you and Wanda disappear into her room.

“What’s going on?” you ask her as you step through the threshold of her room.

“Do you have any idea who that is?!” Wanda whispers harshly as soon as he door is closed.  “That’s James Buchanan Barnes!”

Your gaze narrows at her, “How do you know that?”  You’ve only ever referred to him as Bucky around her.

Your question seems to throw her off for a second, but she recovers quickly.  “He’s a famous architect.  But a notorious womanizer.  Y/N, what are you doing with him?”

“He’s not like that with me,” you try to tell her.

“And how long do you think that will last?  Men like him don’t do relationships.”

You cross your arms over your chest defensively.  “Maybe he’s changed.  People can change, you know.”

She shakes her head.  “Not people like that.  It’s not in his nature.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you narrow your gaze in suspicion.  Was there a chance that Wanda knew what he was?

“Rich and handsome men like that? They don’t settle.”

You wince, her words actually cutting into you.  “Oh, so because I’m not some rich bimbo, him being with me means that he’s settling?”

Wanda sighs.  “That’s not what I meant-”

“He cares about me.  Our relationship has deeper meaning than you realize.”

She scoffs, shaking her head patronizingly at you.  “You are living in a dream if that’s what you actually believe.”

You frown.  “How can you say that?”

Reaching out, Wanda clasps your hands with hers, desperately trying to get you to see reason.  “Y/N, he is a dangerously powerful man in this city. One you should not be associating with.  Is he forcing you to be with him?” she asks.

You quickly rip your hands out of her grasp like her touch burns, “What?!  No.  What is wrong with you, Wanda?  You don’t even know him!”

“I know his type.  Y/N, if you stay with him, you’ll only get hurt.”

You shake your head at the person you thought was supposed to be your best friend.  “Well then, I guess it’s a risk I’m willing to take.”  You turn on your heel and walk back out of her room, ignoring her calls after you.

“Everything alright?” Bucky asks as you approach, his features softening when he sees how upset you are.

“Can we go to your place?” you ask quietly, your voice wavering.

He glances at something over your shoulder, presumably Wanda, before his gaze settles back on you. “Sure.  My car is out front.”

You avoid looking over to Wanda’s door as you pull Bucky back to your room.  You slip out of his shirt, and hand it over to him, considering the clothes he came in are ripped to shreds on your bathroom floor.  While he moves to get his wallet and keys from the discarded clothing, you change into a pair of shorts and a loose shirt.  You hunt around for your phone, finding it on your nightstand, you tuck it into the back pocket of your shorts.

When you’re both ready to go, you lead Bucky back out and straight to the front door.

“Y/N, please,” Wanda tries one last time.

Your hand grasps the knob of the door.  “I’ll see you later, Wanda.”  And that’s how you leave it.

Bucky tucks your body into his side as you both step into the elevator.  The drive to his apartment is silent.  He wants to give you time to process your thoughts and emotions before he asks what happened.  However, as the two of you step out of his private elevator, you find that there’s an unexpected redheaded guest awaiting your arrival.

She arches a perfect brow, her gaze sharp as it washes over the two of you.  “I figured you went to her,” her voice drips with cynicism.

James releases a frustrated sigh, “Not now, Talia.  We’ve had a rough morning.”

She crosses her arms over her chest.  “And a rough night, too.  From what I hear.”

“How do you know about that?” you ask with a slight frown.

She narrows her gaze at you. “An incubus and a vampire get into a fight over a descendent?  Things like that don’t happen every day and news travels fast.”  Her gaze slips back to Bucky.  “Anyway, I just came here to make sure you’d recovered from your stupidity. And I guess you have, at least physically.  So, I’ll be on my way.”

She begins to turn away when you take a step forward.  “Talia, wait.”

She pauses, looking at you expectantly.

“I know I don’t have any right to, but I have a favor to ask of you.”

She stares at you blankly for a moment.  “You’re right.  You don’t.”

You gape when she turns to leave again.

“Talia.  Behave.” Bucky warns.  “It’s a favor to me, too.”

She sighs in annoyance, turning back to face the both of you.  “What?”

You hesitate a moment, this was seeming less and less like a viable option…  “Spending so much time with Bucky has begun to trigger my powers,” you explain.  “I need someone to help teach me how to control them.”

“What makes you think I can do anything about it?” she asks with a raised brow.

You pause, not sure how to answer that.  When you glance back at Bucky, she catches on.

“How much have you told her?” she glares at the man she calls her brother.

Bucky sighs, running a hand through his hair.  “Talia, she’s not like the others, I promise.”

She turns her glare back to you. “Have you ever hurt him?”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “What?  No.  Never!”

Bucky’s hands reach for your waist, pulling you back against his chest.  “Tony attacked her two nights ago.  That’s when her powers came out.”

Talia looks at you both with a look of realization.  “So then that’s why you went after him last night.”

Bucky nods.

She juts her hip out, placing a hand on it.  “You know, you’ve always been an idiot, but you’ve never been an impulsive idiot until she came along.”

Bucky rolls his eyes.  “Are you going to help us, or not?”

She releases a long sigh.  “Fine.  I’ll get the gym set up.  Meet me down there in an hour.”

You look at her in shock.  “Wait.  We’re starting today?”

She gives you an impatient look. “Do you want to control your powers or not?”

You gulp.  “Yes…”

“Then be down there in an hour.” Leaving nothing else up for discussion, Talia turns and leaves.

You sigh again.  “Are you sure this a good idea?”

Bucky’s sigh mimics yours.  “It’s the only one we’ve got.”  His hand reaches for yours before he gently tugs you down the hall.  “Come on. We still need to get some food in you.”

The one hour time slot gives Bucky just enough time to make the pancakes you had requested.  The two of you eat together, Bucky doing his best to try to keep your mind distracted, but his efforts are mostly in vain.  When it’s time, Bucky takes you down a set of stairs you didn’t even realize were in his apartment.

He takes you to a room that you quickly realize must be the gym.  Different types of exercise equipment fill about half of the room.  There’s a treadmill, a cycling machine, and a few different weight machines.  To the left is open floor space covered in tumbling mats.  That’s where Talia stands.  You approach cautiously.

“I’ve had a mage alter the magic in this room for the next three hours.  It’ll allow you to use your powers in here, but only in here.”

You nod in understanding, “Okay.”

“First off.  Explain to me what exactly happened between you and Tony. How did you use your powers, what were you thinking about at the time?”

You do your best to be as detailed in your explanation, not really knowing if the smallest aspect will really be of importance.  Talia listens to your story, nodding occasionally, and for once not having any snarky remarks.

“Alright.  We’re going to start with getting your translocation worked out.  Stand over here,” she instructs.

You move to the center of the mats.

“Get yourself to that corner of the room.”  She points toward the far corner.

You frown at her.  “How?”

“Figure it out.”

Well that’s certainly helpful. Not.

You shoot Bucky an exasperated look.  He nods encouragingly.  “You’ve done it before, Lumina.  Just try it.”

You release a long huff, turning to face the corner.  You stare at it a long moment, not entire sure what you are supposed to be doing.

“Come on.  You can physically see your destination, this should be easy,” Talia goads.

You glare at her in annoyance. “I’m trying.”

“No.  You’re thinking.  And that’s the problem.”

“Well what the hell else am I supposed to do?!” you cry out.  You haven’t even started your training and you’re already fed up with her.

The feelings seem to be reciprocated.  “When I tell you to get yourself to that corner, what do you imagine in your head?”

You shrug your shoulders.  “I don’t know… Walking over there?”

“Stop that,” she orders.

You want to throw your hands up in frustration, or maybe yank on her flaming hair.

She continues, “You can’t imagine how you are going to get there. You have to concentrate on already being there.”

You bite back a scathing retort, not taking kindly to her tone.  She’s talking to you as if you’re an idiot.  You gaze focuses back on the corner.  But the more you stare, and the longer it doesn’t work, the more you seem to concentrate on the how.

“This is ridiculous!  How can I not think about how to get there when I don’t even know how?!”

“Staring all day at the corner isn’t going to get you there.”  She ignores your question.  “Close your eyes and imagine yourself standing over there.”

You huff, but close your eyes obediently.  You try to picture the corner in your mind and once you’ve got it, you try to plant yourself in that image.  Still, nothing seems to happen.  You feel like you’re missing something, that there’s something else she hasn’t told you. Honestly, she’s probably just doing this to make fun of you.  She hate’s you, why in the hell would you think she’d actually try to help.

She didn’t want you here. And after the past couple of days, you didn’t really want to be here either.  At least, not in the gym with Talia.  You wanted to be somewhere relaxing, somewhere you wouldn’t have to worry about crazy vampires and angry succubi.

Out of nowhere, you feel that sensation of your stomach dropping.  Like the floor has completely vanished and you’re falling.  But all too suddenly, the floor is solid once more. You release a stuttering gasp, the wind on your face startling you.  Your eyes snap open when you hear the crashing of waves.

You look around in confusion, because right now… you’re at the beach.

Your knees give out and you fall forward onto the sand.  Your fingers sink into the soft grains.  You would have thought you were imagining everything if it didn’t feel so real.  How the hell did you end up here?!

Your mind is still trying to wrap around what just happened when you feel buzzing against your ass.  It takes you a moment to realize your ringtone is playing out as well.  You dust the sand off your hands before reaching to pull your phone out of your back pocket.  Bucky’s name is written at the top of the screen.

You swipe to answer.  “…Hey, Bucky.”

“Where’d you go?” he asks.

“Uh…” you look around once more, still not entirely believing that this is where you are.  “The beach,” you tell him.

He’s quiet for a moment before he laughs.  You can perfectly imagine the way he chuckles as he shakes his head at you.  “How did you manage to get yourself there?”

“I don’t know…”  you didn’t really want to admit to him that you’d been thinking about being anywhere but the gym in his apartment.

You can hear the amusement in his voice when he responds.  “Well try to figure out how to get yourself back here.  I’d rather not have to drive two and a half hours to come get you.”

You release a groan.  “What if I can’t?”

“You can, Lumina.  Have faith. I know you can do this.”

You wish you had as much faith in yourself as he seemed to have in you.  You release a low sigh.  “Okay, I’ll try.”

“The wards will still prevent you from getting directly into the building, so just try to get yourself close and then come up the main elevator.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you soon,” he tells you.

You hum noncommittally, “Probably not as soon as you think.”

He laughs.  “Just have faith,” he repeats.

The two of you hang up.  You push yourself up until you’re standing once again, muttering quietly about how pointless this all was.  Maybe you didn’t really need to know about your powers.  Didn’t not knowing how to use them mean that you’d be less likely too?

You try to shake those thoughts out of your head.  You were more than a two-hour drive away from home.  It’s not like you could really walk or take an Uber back.  This was your only option.  Closing your eyes, you picture Bucky’s building in your head.

The jump seems to happen a lot quicker this time around.  So much so, that it catches you off guard.  You release a yelp, stumbling forward and then falling head first into the decorative bushes that line the front of Bucky’s building.  You struggle to right yourself, feeling the tiny branches cling to your shirt and catch in your hair.

“Need some help?” you hear a gentle voice ask from behind you, clearly trying to hold back some amusement.

“Uh, yes please,” you admit, your face blushing brighter than Talia’s hair.

You feel a set of large hands against your hips before your body is lifted out of the bushes.  The man seems to be able to hold your weight with minimal effort as he sets you on your feet.  “How’d you manage to end up like that?” he asks you.

“Just clumsy, I guess,” you try to laugh it off, turning to face the kind stranger.  Your breath catches in your throat when your eyes meet.

He’s gorgeous.  Kind eyes, the shade of the sky on a clear spring afternoon, lips the color of a dusty rose, and hair, a halo of gold framing the crown of his head.  He smiles at you sweetly and it’s like seeing the sunrise for the first time in your life.  “Well then, I guess you should be a little more careful.”

You’re not sure how, but your cheeks seem to burn even hotter.  “I’ll certainly try.  Thank you for your help though.”

He grins charmingly.  “It was my pleasure.”

You release an awkward laugh, starting to move around him to head for the door.  Your fingers have just barely brushed the bar to pull it open when he calls out to you.

“Are you sure you want to go in there?” he questions.

You look at him with confusion and curiosity.  “I- yes? I’m visiting my boyfriend.”  You don’t really know why you feel the need to explain yourself.

The man’s face goes blank for a moment, it’s so brief you almost think you imagined it when his charming smile is back on his lips.  “Ah, well then I won’t keep you.  Have a good day, ma’am.”

You raise an eyebrow and nod before turning to enter the building.  You don’t think anyone’s ever called you ma’am before.

Unbeknownst to you, the man continues to observe you through the glass windows of the lobby.  He watches with a frown as you greet the man behind the concierge desk before you make your way to the back elevators.  Once the elevator doors have closed, the man vanishes from sight.

Part 7

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[livvywrites]

Metanoia Characters

So I just realized I post a lot about my various characters--mainly in the tags, but I’ve posted a few graphics--but I haven’t really shared anything about them! This post is still in development as of December 31st 2017, because I haven't finished uploading everything to WorldAnvil, but here is the list so far.

Now, Metanoia as a series deals with reincarnation, so for now I’m just going to share them as they are in the first book and prequels. So here goes. Each name will link to their article on World Anvil (though some don’t have one yet), so if you want to know more, click the link!

Without further ado, here’s Part I of Metanoia’s characters. (Gonna drop some link placeholders here...)

Part III

Part III

(Under a readmore because there are A LOT.)

The Mortal Council

(First Incarnations)

Alinora Mynerva

The protagonist of Metanoia. Alinora turned 17 on the day the war broke out, and she is now a 27 year old woman without a home, but the fate of the world at least partially on her shoulders. She is a woman without magic in a world that is filled with magic--in a world that uses magic for everything. She can cancel it out, if she wants, but while that helps her in combat and might help her open a locked door, it doesn’t help if she wants to light a torch or open a heavy door.

Grief, survivor’s guilt, and a sense of betrayal work together to force Alinora to create a shield around herself. This shield causes her to lash out when she feels like people are getting to close; to refuse help even when she needs it; and even to manifest self-destructive tendencies. She’s a good person; she desires to help the world as much as she can, to fix what’s been broken... but while doing so, she wants everyone around her to think that she is callous, cruel, and not worth caring for.

Talitha Jade

Side character/love interest. Talitha Jade is known across the world as the Pirate Queen. She was 19 when Kai’os attacked. It happened shortly after she ran away from home, her sister in tow. The news was devastating, especially since rumor had it that her best friend had been killed. She was now doubly intent on protecting her sister. Through a series of events, she ended up captain of a pirate ship. Two years later, she caught wind of a Resistance. Lynette, her sister, went to join, but Talitha was rejected. She didn’t take that too well, and set out to prove herself invaluable.

After rumors of a sword that could kill anything led her to a cursed sword, she decided instead to take over the pirate regime; which was once controlled by Hurricane Linley. She was named Pirate Queen due to the crown she had put on her head, and she rallied as many of them as she could to her cause. She then strode back to the resistance. Aishlynn, the resistance’s leader, could no longer deny her a place, and so she became its admiral.

Asa Veranus

Side character/love interest. Asa is known as the Grand Healer. He is one of the youngest fully trained healers in the world. He joined the Resistance after he brought its leader back from the brink of death. Prior to that, he had been hiding out in the woods with a group of Knights that had barely survived their guild’s slaughter. He knew that Kai’os would not hesitate to bring him in and bend him to his will, and he pretended to be nothing more than a lame hedge healer. But Aishlynn’s condition called to his empathy, and he had no choice but to reach out.

His job is to tend to the mortal council and Slaeyr’s health, a job which he perhaps takes too seriously. He’s prone to nagging and urging them to eat healthier, causing them to frequently be annoyed with him. However, there is no better healer around, and he has combat training on top of that, so they keep him around. (He eventually begins to grow up and become less nagging and more nurturing, but, well, that’s another story!)

Evander Lumina

General of the Rear Guard. He’s Talitha’s cousin. He joined the Knights when he was 15 and graduated from apprenticeship when he was 18, only a scant few months before Kai’os attacked. The fortress he was serving at was attacked when he was 19, and he hid out with a handful of survivors, including Asa Veranus, for the next year before they were found by the Slaeyr council. 

He’s kind and empathetic, still emotionally open despite the horrors he’s seen. His job is to guard the healers; the reserve soldiers; the injured. His people watch over the archers and the spellcasters as well. They serve as a shield more than they do a sword.

Ferris Ryder

General of the Main Guard. Ferris and his sister Bella were born into the Knights. Their parents helped to found the Syndicate, and left a legacy behind that their old friends--now the children’s guardians--did their best to see that the Ryder siblings followed it. Rather than drive them to succeed, however, both of them faced crippling doubts as to their self-worth and their ability to ever be as good as their parents. Ferris’s manifested in laziness. He had a passion for cooking and knitting, but tended to avoid any sort of physical exercise. He did eventually graduate into full Knighthood, but it took far longer than it should have.

It was on the night of his induction ceremony that the main fortress was attacked. He was knocked out and covered by rubble; the only reason he survived the attack. A few weeks after, the Slaeyr Council came riding through and found them, still collecting what was left of the Knights legacy before they moved on. Aishlynn offered them a job in the resistance, and they all eagerly accepted.  

Bella Ryder

General of the Vanguard. Unlike her brother, Bella’s doubts manifested in a desire to have as much fun as possible. She cast away the strict discipline of the Knights and became a party girl; wandering into redlight districts and everywhere she shouldn’t. She never got to be inducted into the Knights by the grandmasters, as the order fell before she could.

When the fortress was attacked, Bella turned her attention away from the fighting--unlike her brother--and instead did her best to save as many as she could. Trainees, recent inductees, servants, civilians... she hoarded them all in a special room in the basement, where the Knight’s secrets were kept. When the fighting was over, she believed her brother dead until one of the trainees found him. While Ferris desires justice, Bella desires simple revenge.

Aylin Frostmoore

Priestess of Hope. She was raised in a monastery, far from cities and towns, and high in the mountains. Her days were filled with quiet contemplation and studies, broken apart only for temple services.  From a young age, Aylin was plagued with visions sent by Hope herself. No one believed her; dismissing her as being attention seeking, and desiring fame. When she was sent a vision of a dark cloud that consumed a city near the Fog, she warned the priests, priestesses, and monks--but she was ignored.

As the dark cloud grew and grew, Aylin knew she could ignore it no longer. The final straw was when a traveler came to the doorstep and spoke of a great evil rising. She pointed out that she had warned them of such, and again, she was dismissed. So she left with the traveler, who had come to seek help, and was guided to the resistance.

Kathleen Gold

Merchant Princess, Quartermaster, and Accountant. Her father was a merchant prince. He had been funding a group similar to the resistance, but when Kai’os found out, he took out both the group and the merchant’s guild. Kathleen’s family was targeted, and it was only dumb luck that she wasn’t home at the time. She found her home in ruins and her family dead, and fled her hometown. She eventually found her way to Flint’s bakery, run by a group of former mercenaries, led by a Tauros. After hearing her plight, he agreed to shelter her, but Kathleen knew she couldn’t allow her father’s death to be in vain.

While working as a waitress in the bakery, she heard tale of a resistance forming to the west. She decided that she was going to go join up, but Flint had grown fond of her and didn’t want her off on her own. More than that, he couldn’t stand by and let this happen... so he followed.

Krushak Stonefist, aka Karl Stone

Ambassador. He’s an orc, from one of the wandering tribes in the middle of Eldora’s continent. The last person you’d expect to speak eloquent common--albeit a bit slowly and graveled--and to work as an ambassador. But he’s good at his job, despite the prejudices that surround him. He has brought the resistance many allies, and has even managed to unite the orc tribes under a common cause. 

Viviana Westerguard

Arcanist and former double agent. Viviana’s eyes are solid white; with no iris or pupil. Her memories are scrambled. Each day, she possesses a different set. For instance, one day she might remember the entirety of her life as a six year old, but nothing about being seven. The next day, it will be vice versa. The day after that? Half of each. Then different halves of each. Except with no discernable formula.

It’s obvious that she possess knowledge that most people have never even heard of, but where she trained, how she trained is lost to her. Her only member is a single piercing scream, and a dark chuckle that sounds a lot like Kai’os’s. He tried to manipulate her into thinking that he had saved her, and that she belonged at his side, but she betrayed him for Alinora. She fed Alinora information about Kai’os and his movements, before she was caught and Alinora had to rescue her. Alinora almost lost one of her shadows, Kato, in the process.

[fighterxaos]

In the last episode Kei Fukuide found an unlikely ally in author, Arie Isikari. Yet, currently it is unknown how Arie will be able to assist Kei. However, in this episode Kei plans to take back the Nebula House from Riku, so Arie must be involved somehow. In addition, REM gets herself a body to use, but she will soon find out having a body can be a problem! Also, REM will be forced to decide on who is her master, Kei or Riku…

  Summary:

REM reads off a story she has written to Riku, and he is surprised by her advancements in development. Their discussion is cutoff as Kei enters the Nebula House to reclaim it. A brief fight ensues, and REM ejects Riku as well as the others out of the base. With Kei seemingly victorious he shuts down and deletes REM, before accessing his rejuvenation bed. However, Kei is unknowingly unsuccessful in deleting REM, as Riku and the others discover a woman unconscious near them. The body they discover is none other than REM in an android body, which she built in case of an emergency. Yet, the group at first does not believe REM is REM until she hints towards one of Riku’s secrets. Soon the group prepares to take back the Nebula House, but attempts to head back to town first.

Meanwhile Reito has a business meeting with Arie, as she is “writing an editorial” on some products from his business. Now, as Riku and the team head into town, REM has issues adjusting to her body, but the other reassure her that she will get the hang of it. They soon arrive at the Galaxy Market, where Moa suspects REM to be another “rival”; whereas, the manager falls in love with her. Kei locates the group, and sends a U-Tom to reprogram REM to be his servant; the reprogramming makes REM compatible to be the pilot for his Mecha Gomora. Riku sets forth to stop the Mecha Gomora and rescue REM, who is at war with herself. Ultraman Zero attempts to take over Reito, and leave the meeting to help Geed. However, Arie makes sure to sidetrack Reito, as probably planned earlier with Kei.

REM’s internal war intensifies, as she comes face-to-face with the master file she was copied from. The master file attempts to convince REM that she is nothing, that Kei is their master, and informs her that their name means “servitude” in the Sturm language. Yet, REM defies the master file and deletes it, as well as recovers the Nebula House! REM ejects Kei from the place, and Riku defeats the Mecha Gomora. Riku and the others rush home to begin the restoration. During this time, REM asks Riku about her name, and he reveals it never was an anagram; it came from the heroine of Donshine. In addition, REM informs the group that Kei’s intentions were solely to heal himself, as well as his race’s ability to convert/generate energy…

  My Thoughts:

This is a decent episode, and I find it more enjoyable than last week’s episode. What I like about this episode is how it is straightforward, and does not try to do too much. Kei taking over the Nebula House, and REM finding herself having to use her android body, as a means for survival is the focus. Where Riku and the others must find a way to recover the Nebula House, as the plot. Now, I do feel like the concept of REM acquiring a body is a story that should have been explored for more than an episode. However, due to the situation in how REM has to the use of body it is meant to be a temporary option, or a permanent one if it comes to that result. Luckily it does not end up being the case since the resolve is met within a single episode.

  Yet, as I said earlier I think REM and her body, should have been subject addressed over the course of a few episodes. My reasoning is that the significance does not feel as impactful as it could have been. Early in the series, as well as in this episode REM attempts to improve and advance her programming as an A.I; these moments subtly hint towards REM seeking to understand or become more human-like. These events, especially the opening discussion between REM and Riku, even better foreshadow the events which are about to occur. Once REM gets her body the story is about reacquiring the base; with only a few nods towards REM’s experience in having a body. REM’s true experience is only emotionally, as seen through her internal conflict with the master file, where she expresses various emotions like fear, sorrow, and courage.

  Now, had this been a sub-plot within these final episodes, I think it would have played off REM’s issues adapting to her body and being overwhelmed by emotions. In addition, I think Kei reprogramming REM could have been set-up, as a betrayal plot too. Some people I have talked to also wanted to see REM show true affection towards Riku such as being in love with him. Whereas, others thought REM should have come off acting like an actual parent. What I find interesting is that people just wanted to see more of REM; either because of the concept, or being a fan of REM’s voice actress, Suzuko Mimori, who appears onscreen as the character! Furthermore, I barely knew of Suzuko Mimori before Ultraman Geed, or Digimon Adventure Tri. However, Suzuko really won me over to become an actual fan of hers.

  I was partly let down Kei’s plot, as well as Arie’s involvement within this episode. Kei seeks to recover the Nebula House, to heal him and begin conquering the universe. However, the episode never indicates that Kei has any fail-safes set, either due to exhaustion, or over confidence. Also, once Kei re-acquires REM, Kei just decides to make her pilot his Mecha Gomora. From there we learn the master file which REM was copied from is Kei’s only failsafe to keep REM as his servant. Instead, I believe Kei should have just sent out the “Master” REM to stop the “copied” REM. Now, while this all occurs Arie acts as an unlikely diversion to keep Reito and Zero busy. The only thing that indicates this is Arie’s mission is the subtle parts in the conversion with Reito and when she stops Zero from taking control. It is a smart play by Kei, but just leaves the notion for old viewers to pick-up on. Yet, once Kei is defeated and ejected from the Nebula House, he seems completely fine, as if this is a self-orchestrated defeat. The ending makes it all seem that this whole event is just a minor phase in Kei’s final plan, even though it never feels like is a minor play; this all could elude to Kei’s interest in chess, and being a strategist.

  I’m Back Bitches!

Overall, as stated earlier I like this episode more than last week’s. However, it is not too spectacular, as one may expect it to be. I think people will just love this episode because of Suzuko Mimori, because that is how it happened for me. Now as for the next episode, I think it might be amazing because it features Star Beast Gyeron! Gyeron is originally from Ultraseven, and for a time was banned. If I recall the reason was due to Gyeron’s episode being re-aired following the Tohoko earthquake/ tsunami, where events from this episode mirrored reality. Never the less, for Gyeron to be reintegrated into the series is awesome, because I rather like this monster, and its debut episode. Also, this episode is focusing on Igaguri Family, which means more Lumina and Mayu!

  Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Ultraman Geed Episode 19 – Nebula House Invasion Review

In the last episode Kei Fukuide found an unlikely ally in author, Arie Isikari. Yet, currently it is unknown how Arie will be able to assist Kei.

Ultraman Geed Episode 19 – Nebula House Invasion Review In the last episode Kei Fukuide found an unlikely ally in author, Arie Isikari. Yet, currently it is unknown how Arie will be able to assist Kei.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Before I ask my question, know that I don't mean anything disrespectful. I'm genuinely trying to wrap my head around this and don't really know where to start. Regarding God's gender, I agree that using solely male/masculine terms to discuss God is a bit silly. But did Jesus not give us the "Our Father" and refer to God explicitly as His Father in the Gospel? I'd love to pursue a possible answer, but have no idea where I'd even begin. Thank you! =)

Hi there! You’re not being disrespectful at all, and you’re asking great questions. I hope you don’t mind me posting this, because I think you bring up important points for anyone looking to expand their language for God. 

Indeed, the Gospels never record Jesus calling God his mother – but they do record him calling himself a mother! Matthew 23:37 says, “how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings.” And Jesus is God, so that’s one instance of God as mother. Here is a post with some more musings on Jesus’s gender. 

Beyond that, one might wonder whether Jesus would have used a gender neutral term for God had one been available to him. The Aramaic word Jesus used for God as Father, Abba, does not have a neutral option. In many languages, however, that have only masculine and feminine nouns, the masculine doubles as neutral. I certainly don’t think it goes beyond what Jesus wanted if we call God our Mother and Parent as well as our Father.

And Jesus’ language for God is not the only language for God that we find in Scripture. From the very beginning, in Genesis 1, we find the image of God as a brooding mother bird – Genesis 1:2 uses a rare word to describe the breath/wind/Spirit of God hovering/moving/brooding over the face of the waters.The Lumina Bible offers this footnote for the word: “The Hebrew verb has been translated “hovering” or “moving” (as a bird over her young, see Deut 32:11). The Syriac cognate term means “to brood over; to incubate.” How much of that sense might be attached here is hard to say, but the verb does depict the presence of the Spirit of God moving about mysteriously over the waters, presumably preparing for the acts of creation to follow….”

Woman Wisdom of the wisdom literature is a feminine figure attributed to God – while our Jewish siblings seem to hold the reading of this figure as wisdom personified, many Christians see her either as the Holy Spirit or as Jesus. And so Woman Wisdom is Divine. 

If you wander through my God beyond Gender tag, you will find more posts – such as this one – with more biblical imagery for God that is not masculine.  

Finally, I would argue that not only is sticking solely to masculine language for God silly, it is downright harmful to all of us made in the Image of God, especially those of us who are not men. Lynn Japinga makes this argument well in chapter three of Feminism and Christianity – you can read the full chapter in Google Drive here. Some highlights:

“If we see God as a man or more like a man or more properly named in male language, we tend to think of men as more like God, and women as less like God. Mary Daly captured the essence of this problem with her pithy phrase, ‘If God is male, then the male is God.’”

“Certainly God is like a father in some ways; but God is far more than that, and language for God ought to reflect a sense of mystery and awe as well as of relationship. Human beings ultimately cannot name the God who is always several steps ahead of them and who refuses to be confined by the names they choose.”

“Johanna Bos [my now-retired Hebrew professor!] suggested the formula ‘yes, no, and more so’ as a way to understand language for God. Many metaphors or names for God, such as Father, Mother, Rock, or Light, say something true about God – the ‘yes.’ Yet every metaphor falls short, and no title names God accurately or adequately – the ‘no.’ God always transcends human attempts to name and describe God – the ‘more so.’God is love, we often say, and it is true. But human understanding of love is limited, and God may be quite different from some of our notions of love. And yet God is more like love than we will ever know. God is love in a way that far exceeds our present knowledge of either God or love.”

“When a human term [such as Father] ceases to be one way of understanding God and becomes God’s real name, it has become an idol.”

“Feminist theologians recognize that simply using feminine imagery for God does not resolve all the problems of God language. The Bible speaks of God as King, Judge, Creator, and many other traditionally male roles that are not linked to fathering. Much of the feminine imagery is maternal, which then suggests that women are most like God when they are mothers, while men are like God in most of their activities. Maternal language about God can also become stereotypical. God the Mother is safe, warm, and gentle. God the Father is tough and demanding, but very strong and protective. God the Father is still clearly the boss. If the divine feminine is always linked with love and nurture, while the divine masculine is strong and rational, our stereotypes about male and female will be perpetuated rather than challenged.”“The book of Hosea offers a useful antidote to this stereotypical feminine imagery by portraying God as a female figure who is both maternal and furious. God faithfully fed and cared for the Israelites; but instead of being grateful, they forgot God. That made God say angrily, ‘I will fall upon them like a bear robbed of her cubs, / and will tear open the coverings of their heart’ (Hos 13:8). This maternal image evokes no romanticized piety, softness, or sentimentality. Mothers, and the mother bear in Hosea, are fiercely protective. Elizabeth Johnson wrote of the paradox of angry love, ‘The wrath of God is a symbol of holy mystery that we can ill afford to use. For the wrath of God in the sense of righteous anger against injustice is not an opposite of mercy but its correlative. It is a mode of caring response in the face of evil.’”

“Another nonmaternal feminine image is of God as midwife, which occurs in Psalms 22 and 71. The psalmist described his feeling that God had abandoned him. ..In the midst of despair he said to God, ‘Yet it was you who took me from the womb; / you who kept me safe on my mother’s breast. …’ (Ps 22:9-10). …Comparing God to the one who helped deliver babies meant comparing God to a woman. It is an intriguing image because midwifes are active throughout a birth. They offer encouragement, they teach the mother how to work with the pains of labor; but they cannot do the laboring themselves, and they cannot take the pain away. The metaphor suggests that God encourages and supports human beings even when God cannot take their pain away.”

Another good article is by Ruth Caroline Duck and Patricia Wilson-Kastner in their book Praising God: The Trinity in Christian Worship. In their discussion on the Trinity, they bring up the naming of God as Father or Mother along with other interesting thoughts on language for God.

I hope this helps as you pursue this topic! 

[lezzybugo3o]

UPDATE: I found what Anon was talking about in-game. One of the blue stone tablets around Zora's Domain that gives us the origin of the Zora armor. Sweet as it was, it seems to be talking about a different Queen of the Zoras than the one I was referring to (Mipha and Sidon's mum). Still it was a rather lovely thing to find.

And now, because I couldn't go back to sleep earlier, I'd like to share some headcanons/notes regarding my rendition of the Zora Queen, Queen Lumina.

-Lumina came from a different royal family, one that was a large group (Pod? School?) of Ocean Zoras rather than River Zoras (the ones we see in BotW). Like River Zoras, Ocean Zoras were very protective of their kind. However, they were known to be much more fierce and deadly if crossed. This was due to their xenophobia, so they kept mostly to themselves and trusted no other race.

-I imagine Lumina's design to be inspired by an angel shark and a Spanish dancer (look up the species, they're pretty). The fins on her arms were graceful and lovely (like long, flowy sleeves on a dress) , but would flare violently when she was angry or upset.

- Lumina was given her name because she was to be the light of her people, despite how harsh they were, especially under the rule of her parents.

-She met Dorephan on one of her hunts for fish to bring back to her group. At first, Lumina thought of him as a nuisance, but as time went on, she admired not only his strength, but his sweet demeanor and how he made her laugh. Later on, she fell in love with him, much to the disapproval of her family.

- With a heavy heart, Lumina left her clan and decided to marry Dorephan, becoming his queen.

- Lumina was known to be a fierce woman, facing any challenge and barking orders with a strong and loud voice that showed authority. But when she gave birth to Mipha, her personality became a bit more gentle and it did so even more when she had Sidon.

- From what I had seen in BotW, Mipha seemed to be more of a Daddy's Girl, given she worried most about her father. So it stands to reason that Sidon is probably a Mama's Boy. I could definitely see Lumina scooping up the little prince any time he tripped on his head fin or his own feet and giving him all the love she had for him.

-Lumina had faced many a monster in her time, but among them, her favorite one to challenge was the Lynel. Mind you, she didn't go looking for them; the monsters themselves stumbled upon her when she traveled with her family sometimes. Any time she battled one, her thoughts and concerns were always for her people, husband, and children. This made her death all the more harder on the Zoras, considering she was killed by the very beast she loved to battle and collect pieces from as trophies.

- Had she survived that fateful battle with the Lynel that took her life, I imagine Lumina would definitely be the kind of queen to both encourage and embarrass (unintentionally) Sidon. A running gag with her was trying to marry him off to any person that she deemed worthy of her son, including Link and later on when she come of age, Cordelia.

Queen Lumina: You know, my son, there are many fine gentlemen and ladies in this world and-

Sidon: For the last time, Mother, I'm not interested in being wed at the moment.

Queen Lumina: Oh come now! I've seen the way you look at Queen Zelda's daughter. She's quite a pretty one, eh? (Mischievous grin)

Sidon: (blushing) M-mother! She's only a friend! And I'm much older than her! I'm old enough to be her father!

Queen Lumina: (snickers) So you're saying... You would be her... Daddy?

Sidon: ...Oh goddesses, Mother, no.

(Sorry for the long post, but man oh man, I've been wanting to share this for a long time.)

Um...I would.. just like to tell you, that I do believe there is something in Zelda botw that talks about the queen? It was the thing about the silver scale?

Whoa whoa whoa… There is? The heck have I been missing? Mind sending me a link, anon? It’d be greatly appreciated.

(also thanks for being my first ask :3)