#especially in circles im in or just like here on tumblr im very happy that we have such good opinions about whats attractive

[daftpatience]

comp of my little smurchin sona (smurchin stands for sea urchin that u can smooch)

[mwahsturns]

First choice // Matt Sturniolo Pt 1

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

Contains: cussing, fluff, flirting, talk of death, Semi-proof read! I think that’s it let me know if there’s more! Also if there’s any grammar or spelling mistakes please ignore them 😭🙏🏻

Synopsis: Y/n works at a record store and one day while she’s working two very cute guys walk into the store but one especially catches her eye and later so happens they end up having more then just there music taste in common ;)

Word Count:1,890

Author’s notes: Hii bbys !! <3, So I’ve never written a fic before or posted on tumblr, So I’m sorry if this is bad I’m new at this please go easy on me😭🙏🏻. If you guys have any suggestions, tips or advice please message me I hope you enjoy my new series!!, this took me a very long time to come up with so I hope you love it💗.

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

The sound of music always brought me peace, I work at a record shop because I love being around vinyls and just anything music related really. I also really enjoy reading It's always brought me a sense of comfort as well as writing and poetry. Honestly it makes me really happy, and ever since I was a kid I've always written songs and maybe sang a little bit but that’s a secret. I don't know what it is but I always feel like it helps me forget about everything that’s wrong in my life, my parents died when I was 16 so it’s always been just me and my two little brothers. I love them more than anything and I'd do anything for them. Today was just a regular day at work I was putting vinyls on the racks that they go on when two guys walk into the store, I look over and give them a soft smile.

‘hii welcome let me know if you need any help finding any artist or vinyl specifically’ they smile at me and nod as one of the boys catches my eye, I’m a very shy person so I decided not to say anything unless I needed to. After a couple minutes I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around and saw the guy who caught my eye standing in front of me. ‘hi um i wanted to ask you something’ he seemed very nervous but also very confident weird mix. ‘yes of course how can i help you’ I smiled softly at him hoping to make him more comfortable, ‘do you happen to have “circles” by Mac miller’ he says as he does a side smile. I smile at him as I think about how I also enjoy mac miller.

‘yea over here!’ i walk over and pull it off the rack, ‘this is one of my favorites’ i say chuckling, ‘i really like this one’ he says turning the vinyl around. ‘what other artists do you like?’ ‘i really like d4vd and um frank ocean oh! Omg Dominic Fike omg Tyler the creator?! is so amazing and oh my god i'm rambling im so sorry’ I blushed getting a little nervous, ‘nah you're good’ he smiles as I look up at him and smile softly. We stand there until the guy he came with comes up to him ‘woah you guys twins or am I dumb?’ ‘nahh triplets’ he says laughing ’oh cool” i say and start checking them out. ‘You're the first to not ask us a million and one questions about being triplets’ he chuckles, ‘yea nah y'all will tell me over time’ I smirk i say with my boston accent coming through a little.

‘oh so you plan on getting to know us’ he smirks a little ‘oh totally y’all look cool’ I laugh, ‘you're from boston?’ The other guy says noticing my backpack in the back with the Boston logo. ‘yes i am’ i laugh ‘us too!’ ‘What's your name?’ The guy who got my eye says ‘I’m y/n’ ‘cool im matt and hes chris’ ahh Matt hot guy hot name. ‘cool!’ I hand them the bag and me and Matt make eye contact, ‘have a good day’ ‘thanks you too’ matt says smiling at me. They walk out and i really hope i see them again.

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

  I finally got to clock out of work It was so tiring and I needed to make sure my little brothers were ok. I get to my car and get settled in and connect my phone to the aux and play “Ivy” by Frank Ocean. I’m so glad to be going home I think as I started driving I decided that I was gonna pick up a pizza for my little brothers because I got paid today and I know how much they love pizza. We aren't broke completely but we definitely struggle sometimes recently things have been rough but I finally got a promotion so it's getting a little easier I got the pizza and started heading home I got home and when i opened the door and my brothers cody and alex run up to me and ‘sissyyyy we missed you’ alex says hugging me, ‘aww i miss you too bud’ ‘sissy you bought pizza!’ Cody says looking like his eyes are gonna pop out of his head. 

 

i walk over to alexa who’s been my best friend for years, she helps me with my brothers and just around the house ‘thank you so much lex’ i say hugging her ‘Of course love that's what best friends are for’ she says smiling softly ‘wanna spend the night and when i put them to bed we can talk?’ ‘yeah okay sure’ Alexa smiles at me while i feed the boys.

I start to give the boys a shower and as i’m showering cody he looks up at me with the biggest smile on his face. ‘sissy I wanna be just like you when i grow up.’ He says playing with the bubbles, ‘aww little c i love you a lot bub and i know one day you’ll be even better than me’ i say tearing up, cody has always been more clingy to me than Alex is but not as much, cody doesn’t like to leave my side and he is the sweetest kid ever. Him saying he wants to be like me does hurt a little because I've been through a lot of shit but the fact that I look strong in his eyes makes up for it all. I put them to bed and Me Alexa got some wine and took a seat on the couch.

‘So how was your day?’ She says sitting next to me. ‘it was good omg lex these two really cute brothers came into the shop and oh my god girl’ I say blushing thinking of Matt ‘speaking of cute brothers you know the guy i was talking to?’ ‘yes why?’ ‘this is him and his brother I’d think you like him’ she turns her phone and pulls out a picture.

‘hold up hold up let me see that?!’ i say taking the phone from her ‘omg thats the cute guys that came in today’ ‘Omg?! yeah i've been talking to chris for a minute now’ ‘matt’s pretty attractive just sayin’ I couldn’t help myself but blush i don’t know what’s wrong with me fuck Y/N get it together. ‘oooo y/n has a crush?’ ‘oh shut the fuck up’ ‘oh come on you haven’t had a boyfriend since your parents died’ she says starting to get serious, ‘i know but my brothers mean the world to me lex i need to make sure there ok i don’t have the time’ I would love to give Matt a chance but i don’t know.

‘your brothers would want you to be happy y/n/n’ she says rubbing my knee, ‘I know but it's not about me being happy i need to make sure there happy i have to be a mother figure to them they need me’ ‘i get that babes but you need to remember you lost them too your only 20 rasing two kids you need to be a kid too especially since you were forced to grow up so quick’ i look at her and nod I mean I understand where she’s coming from but my brothers are all I know. ‘i love you y/n i'm just looking out for you ima head to bed goodnight love’ ‘night babes’ as she walks off and goes to into the guest room i kinda sit there think about what she said and i mean she's right but i can’t risk something happening to my brothers.  I head upstairs and head to bed because i have another day of work but holy fuck thank god it's friday. 

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

I woke up the next morning only because my alarm for work went off and i see it’s 9:44 so i know Alexa is getting my brothers ready for school I get out of the bed and i started to get ready for work. I finished getting ready for work when my younger brother Cody came into the room with tears in his eyes. ‘sis…’ he says in a sad tone I turned around quickly and scooped him into my arms ‘aww what's wrong love?’ i say concerned.

‘i don’t wanna go to school i wanna stay home with you can you please skip work..’ he says in a whiny tone, ‘Aww bub i wish i could help but you know the rules’ When i got custody of cody and alex the court gave me really strict rules to follow, i had to make sure they were always at school, they weren’t falling and that i kept a stable job and make enough money or else they would take them away. ‘I know but i hate being at school kids are mean to me and alex’ i look at him feeling bad but i don’t wanna risk losing them. ‘I’m sorry bub if i could keep you and alex with me 24/7 forever i would’ i say hugging him tightly.

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

i got to work over an hour ago and to say its boring is an understatement. Just as i think that i hear the bell ring meaning someone walked into the store, i look up ready to greet them and i realize its matt. ‘Matt? Hey’ i say smiling. ‘Hey um i know this might be weird but i um.. Well so my brother chris the one that was with me last time uh i found out that the girl hes been talking to happens to be your best friend right?’ ‘yeah shes my best friend’ ‘well um she kinda encouraged me to come back..’ ‘what do you mean?’ ‘well i uh wanted to see if you were willing to go out with me… you don’t have to its o-‘ he starts to say but i cut him off. ‘Sure why not’ i say smiling i don’t know what happened but he was too sweet for me to say no to.

‘Wait really?’ ‘yea i mean i can’t deny you are pretty cute..’ ‘well thank you’ he laughs damn something about the way he laughs i dont know but it feels almost addicting to listen to. ‘Uh are you free saturday?’ ‘yeah i am’ i smile ‘sweet! Ill text you’ ‘okay bye matt’ ‘bye” he blushed a little bit as he left the shop. Shit who’s gonna watch cody and alex?!                                                                   

Author’s notes:heyyy I’m back! So I hope you enjoyed the first part of this series and I’m sorry if there was any typos, spelling mistakes, etc I’ll try to fix the ones I can if I miss anything please let me know but I hope you enjoy and have a great day 💋

[notjennyfromtheblocked]

Im deliberately sending this off anon so you can see that you arent being 'attacked' by 'Anne', and the fact youre even discussing it that way is ableist as fuck. Im going to start this by making it clear, I have BPD, Im also trans and you will not be knowing my AGAB. You are the asshole in this situation.

We're going to start off simple, you are not an expert on BPD, google and tiktok is full of misinformation and harmful stereotypes about Borderline pplo. BPD is not an 'abusive person' disorder, there is no such thing as a condition that makes you an abusive person. BPD does cause intense, deep emotions that can shift quickly and be hard to control; often this includes having intense feelings for people around them and being scared of losing them/them not being who you thought they were. Because this condition comes from trauma (usually from family/relationships) there are often amplified feelings around abanonment and betrayals of trust especially from ppl you thought were your friends. It is in fact common for some of our nost intense lifelong interests start bc of stupid reasons, but starting bc of a stupid reason doesnt mean the interest isn't genuine. Have you never done something bc your friend wanted you too and you ended it up loving it? Why is it any different bc it was a crush not a friend? BPD doesnt make you a manipulative person, nor does it make you gaslight ppl and seeing as 'anne' has a psychiatric degree Im sure he understands his condition better than you do.

Secondly, 'Anne' is allowed to be trans in whatever way he wants too, she doesnt have to bind, or pack, or change his appearance for anyone. I have a beard, long hair, wear any kind of clothes I want, have tits, have bulge, am hairy and wear a full face of makeup. Some of those things are part of my agab, some of them a part of my transition. And its not a single iota of your goddamn business whether youre friends or not. Gender is a performance and you get to choose the outfit and 'Anne' is deciding what she want his to look like.

Thirdly, you do not seem to understand that part of the reason you very clearly show yourself to be the asshole is the way you speak about others. Describing being an introvert as being more sophisticated or above extroverts is just ridiculous, you are not superior bc you dont go out to parties. I don't either, I find them uncomfortable and loud, but that doesnt make me sophisticated. You talk about 'Mike' as if he cannot be the arbiter of his own interests or relationship, that hes just stupid and couldnt piece it together if 'Anne' was 'faking'. You talk about 'Anne' like she's some master manipulator but you did everything that happened to yourself, you went to the GC and convinced them that something was wrong, you took a group of ppl who didnt know 'Mike' to 'Anne's' house to confront him, you made a callout post about 'Anne' on facebook, you tried to immediately go running to 'Mike' for damage control when your 'intervention' didnt work and you are the person that blasted it all over facebook and now tumblr. And now you are the one losing friends and family, and you deserve it, because the ppl you convinced to attack 'Anne' realised wtf they'd just done and how fucking horrendous that is. You have no evidence of any manipulation, or that 'Anne' is faking, or that 'Mike' isnt happy, you just presented your prejudice. 'Mike' and 'Anne' realise what youve done and they have enough proof to convince a judge or they wouldnt have gotten that restraining order. You are the person behaving manipulative here and everyone can see it except you.

I've tried writing a response to this so many times but I end up deleting it because when I try to explain myself it just sounds like I'm going in circles. There are tons of other asks I've tried answering and rewritten like seven times each before giving up. I've been writing over and over trying to explain like how while yeah technically Mike never told me word for word that he was T4T, when he told me I wasn't his type and then like two days later came out as trans it felt very, very much like he was coming out specifically to let me know that's why I wasn't his type. Or how I was trying to explain how look I know it might be controversial but the constant "main character syndrome" of extroverts just gets on my nerves and is supremely selfish in general and also the truth is you're just GOING to be more intellectual if you spend your free time actually expanding your mind instead of smoking pot and grinding against strangers and how someone like Mike who prefers the same free time activities as I do is just not going to work with someone who would rather party and get wasted than pick up a book, or how Anne is pretending to be trans and I know this because she isn't changing ANYTHING, and I was going to explain that the group chat was full of people she didn't know because it initially was a fandom ship discord from a show she doesn't watch but eventually when I started getting concerned yes it kinda became my "complain about Anne" vent place because nobody there really knew her well enough to go tell her what I was saying and it was a safe place for me to vent and explain why I thought she was abusive and cheating and they would actually listen instead of tell me to knock it off like others, and obviously OBVIOUSLY I thought her and I were close enough as friends she wouldn't mind me using her spare key which she kept under the doormat so it's not like I searched hard. I've written all of that so many times to so many different asks I can't even count and then i just end up deleting it because it feels pointless to even try because I know people will just keep sending asks so why bother so I never wrote it til just now unless I deleted it.

Im gonna be totally fully honest here I woke up and I saw the 99+ notifications in my inbox and I haven't been able to stop shaking because I'm so fucking angry because nobody is on my side, I literally scrolled hoping to find at least one person who was agreeing with me and nobody was and honestly I was so mad I couldn't even see and then I finally found a couple of nice asks and they were signed and I was so excited someone finally agreed with me and when I checked on their blogs they were all fucking terfs. All of the people who were taking my side were fucking terfs. And like I'll be honest with you I have two very close family members who are trans and honestly they've both blocked me recently and even though I tried to contact them they didn't respond and I seriously hate hate HATE terfs because they've been so cruel to my two family members. And I'm so angry. But then I found your ask and at first I was so angry and I tried to reply but I just deleted it because I was getting angry. But then I found more terfs in my ask and then even more hateful anons from non terfs.

But then I kept thinking about how conservatives will literally LITERALLY have Nazis agreeing with them and dig their hills in and in like wtaf how are you not seeing that NAZIS are agreeing with you? But literally the only people agreeing with me are terfs. And honestly that's the last shit I want, I luterally hate terfs. I'm not even exaggerating when I say this is the nicest ask that WASN'T from a terf so I've just. I dunno. I am freaking out because this did not go the way I planned. I knew some people wouldn't agree with me but I thought it would be more split, like some YTA but mostly JAH and NTA. And then when I saw the poll for a hot minute I thought maybe it might veer ESH but obviously that isn't the case. It's just like have you ever really cares about someone, really really cared about someone, and he says oh please don't hug me and pulls away, and then other people hug him so you think I better tell these other people "don't hug him, he doesn't like hugs" and then he says its fine and then starts hugging other people but not you? And you realize at no point did he ever say he didn't like hugging, he just asked you, specifically you, not to hug him? Well imagine that but with Mike, and he stopped wanting to hang out with me and told me not to touch him but whenever I'd remind Anne not to touch him he'd say it was fine and I guess when he came out as trans it was just easier to believe he didn't date cis people than he didn't want to date me. And there were times I thought man I wish I were a trans person so Mike would notice me, and then it seemed like Anne was doing just that because of COURSE it crossed my mind to pretend just for a little while, because if he just gave me a chance he'd realize that we are compatible. Honestly I'm just freaking out because I made this blog a month ago after sent the ask to the aita blog but then it didn't get answered so I started the blog to get all this off my chest. And bam suddenly I was bombarded a month later and it took me a minute to realize the aita hadn't deleted it. Honestly none of this went according to plan and nobody except people I fucking hate want to hear my side. And I dunno. I just don't know. Bur if the only people agreeing me with me all day are terfs then obviously I need to think things through.

[quillkiller]

My fave thing about the marauders fandom is how big of a fuck you it is to JK Rowling. I'm a jewish trans man and really cannot interact with the original series bc she ruined it for me, but I've been able to find a new love in marauders fanfics :3 Especially with how diverse everyone is, ESPECIALLY all the trans characters (trans regulus and genderfluid Sirius my BELOVEDS!!!!). Just fills my heart with joy honestly. And honestly? The marauders writers have more interesting lore, world building, and character development then anything she's ever written LMAOOO. Also I love your writing and think your brain is very big <333

hi!!!! yeah it’s a beautiful thing i agree :~)!!!!

i’m very happy you’ve found a place in the marauders fandom where you feel safe and don’t have to let go of your favorite characters!!!!! it makes me very happy too that this fandom is so big and diverse and inclusive:)) i wholeheartedly understand why some people have left the fandom and/or are critical of it/don’t understand how there’s still a fandom !!

i love my curated little fandom space, and i love expanding on jkr’s character and defying her narrative and nuclear family ideas while still going off the source material. you can’t problematize or defy the narrative if you don’t use the source material as a baseline. i think it’s a very beautiful what the marauders fandom has become!! especially in my own circles. there are definitely certain aspects of it i avoid lmao (mainly the tik tok marauders fandom & the jkr dick riders)

at the end of the day it’s still all harry potter. i think it’s important to remember that. the marauders fandom isn’t its own thing despite what its become/or the atyd narrative. atyd is still fanfiction based on harry potter etc etc. so i think people should be mindful and aware of that at the end of the day we’re still in the harry potter fandom no matter how much we distance ourselves from jkr and prblematize/expand her narrative and characters !!

THANK YOU !!! im very happy you like it here on quillkiller dot tumblr dot com!!!! i will continue to remain silly and explore womens storylines and throw in the occassional lesbianism as salvation trope and make m/f ships that are insignificant and boring and lovely :~)

[gontagokuhara]

Just went on Instagram to look at more DR art (because tumblr won't let me see a lot of DR art for some reason) and saw hinanami discourse out in the wild which made me say, out loud, "oh, are we still doing this 💀"

Like idk if I've just aged out of the fandom (on Instagram) but just seeing that hinanami rant made me realize I've been spoiled by the DR community on Tumblr bc I'll scroll on here for 2 minutes and see a text post that will literally SHIFT my entire view of a character/ship and CHANGE my LIFE in just a small analysis that was probably written by op while they were on the toilet💀

Anyway it made me think of the post about Maki and Chappel Roan that I actually recited by memory out loud to my friend last night [gooning over wlw content together after watching Muriel's Wedding], And also that one post abt Monomi and Monokuma being Junko's satire of her own rivalry with Mukuro, and Junko not liking that her friends don't appreciate her fursona doing stand-up 💀💀 and like compare that to Instagram discourse and it's like "Komahina is stupid bc hinata isn't straight" like 💀

Anyway maybe it was the same on tumblr before [it probably definitely was] but now that I'm older I'm really appreciating mature convos/takes about danganronpa because good fanfiction/fanart/fan interpretations are truly adapting the story+characters in much better ways than the creators could ever imagine circa 2010 [pointy objects] [peaches and cream] [anything w/autistic nagito] [anything w/transmasc hajime]

number one rule of modern fandom experience (at the very least with media that has a propensity to draw Certain Crowds [looking especially hard at danganronpa and p5]) is CURATE YOUR OWN SPACE AND STRAY NO FARTHER ‼️‼️‼️ i personally escaped the early era dr fandom (pre v3 localization/the 2019 Danganronpa Renaissance) but time capsule posts tell me i dodged something of a bullet there ❤️ in that vein 2019/2020/covid era discourse was still crazy insane (<- was a part of it for sure LMFAO) but it had a much different Flavor than it did way back when. and the same is true of present-day: still a little kooky if you search hard enough (insta/tiktok/twitter/tumblr all have their own demons). but at least This go around i have largely avoided that by picking my people that i trust not to be Weird and just living in my own bubble wrt the dr fandom at large. and thats served me very well the past year+ since i got back into dr <3 and i have also seen MANY of those perspective-altering posts in that little curation circle that has deepened and made better my experience THE GOOD IS OUT THERE ‼️‼️‼️

THE JUNKO FURSONA POST ALSO LIVES IN MY BRAIN its so real and just one of many takes i’ve seen fly by in a post and been like This is so real and it’s mine now. many such cases <3 i follow people like that and simply block people expending energy on discourse i DOOOOOONT care about. like simply enjoy kmha (I SURE DO ‼️‼️‼️) if you like it and ignore hnmi/kmnmi if you dont (cant relate I LOVE YOU TOO HINANAMI + KOMANAMI ‼️‼️‼️) and live your life happy not angry ❤️

like re: maki lesbianism (which was written on the toilet no lie) she is The most lesbian of all time i could write 10,000 scholarly articles on her comphet + traumatic past of being made to hurt people keeping her from fully coming to terms with herself as a lesbian and as someone who wants to Protect the people she loves (an integral pillar of butchness!!!!!!!!) and it is so important to me. and MANY people disagree! and i simply just dont worry about it <3 but i DO think about the people that agree (and the people who i Influence to agree…..that makes me so happy to hear you talking about it with people :D) and that makes fandom FUN!!!!! not arguing over word of god or whatever that isn’t going to change anyone’s opinions anyway 😭

there is a LOOOOOT of good discussion and character/scene analysis and genuinely fun unique takes on tumblr (+ im sure other places but i rly only interact with dr on her & Occasionally by liking a twt post on my main) and that’s where i’ve made my niche <3 people having fun with the media they enjoy and trying to salvage its shortcomings and missteps because they love it!!

and putting little old Me up amongst the dr goats (transmasc hajime) (autistic nagito)………..framing this ask tbh the HIGHEST honor 4 me……..thank you my beloved cider as always KISS MWAH MWAH

[spindrifters]

dude i really dont know how to tell you this in a comprehensible way but im just so in awe at you. i've been following your blog for maybe two months or smth bc of the constant wolfstar spam and really enjoy that.

but also i find it so so nice to see an adult in fandom that is comfortable with being an adult in fandom. i've seen lots of people turn away from fandom activity as they grow older (especially from harry potter related stuff. ig it becomes embarrassing for people) but i couldn't imagine that for myself as it is a big part of my own life. why would i stop engaging in a community that shares art and stories and beliefs?

(also as i'm a nonbinary teenager my heart just kind of jumps seeing an adult whos comfy presenting themselves like that on the internet. i'm finishing school soon and growing into the age where lots of people in my social circle seem to expect from me to grow out of this "phase". ALSO i make art myself and its just cool to see "real" writers in fandom. (i really hope me telling you this doesn't bother you.))

i just wanna tell you that your silly little posts always make me giggle and this blog feels like its own little safe space :) hope you're having a nice day <3

I want you to know that it really made my day to wake up to this.

I remember being a teenager and seeing my 30+ fandom friends and just sort of thinking well that's great for them, but there was an underlying assumption that I'd probably grow out of it by then. which made me really sad, but I assumed it was just a natural part of growing up. and then I didn't grow out of it. but more importantly, like you've said, I became really comfortable with it. if football fanboys can have their niche obsessive interests their whole life, then so can I. that's something that happens across the board, at least in my experience. I hit 27 or 28 I think and started embracing things I thought I'd have to put away as an adult, only now I had the freedom to do it in ways I didn't when I was younger. (I'm not just talking fandom. I'm talking dying my hair pink after 7 years of blonde because it made me happy and I stopped caring about it looking professional.)

and I do think part of this is because there's no actual way to 'be an adult.' part of that's because the markers and milestones boomers and much of gen x had don't really exist for us anymore. so you get older and it's a realization that, "I don't have to look and act like an adult. an adult looks and acts like me, because that's what I am." and then you start to meet other people who think similarly. the community of 30+ fans here on tumblr dot com are honestly some of the best people I know.

anyway, all this is to say, I so remember what those growing pains you're going through/can see on the horizon were like, especially relating to the interests I had that society messaged to me were shameful to have. I was a teenager during peak fangirl shaming of the 00s/10s. so I turned it into a fucking career instead.

I'm really, really glad that this feels like a safe space for you, it makes my lil gremlin heart very cozy and warm. xx

[grasslandgirl]

Dude, howd u make friends on here???

aw omg anon first of all, this is so sweet of you to ask <33 the jokey answer is i don't know, im just very lucky lmao

but the more genuine answer is that i made friends on tumblr pretty closely to how i make friends in real life: slowly and organically 😵‍💫

the best advice i can give for trying to make friends on tumblr is to be earnest and enthusiastic about the things you care about, and to seek out others with the same interests! there are a lot of people on tumblr who have kind of quiet/unobtrusive blogs: they don't talk in the tags, they don't make original posts, they dont ask/answer asks, etc; and those blogs usually tend to fade into the background, because for a lot of people that's their intention for using tumblr in that way. but in my experience, i've found and made most of my mutuals/friends on here by being vocal and enthusiastic and personable!

make jokes/commentary in the tags of reblogs- this will make you memorable both to the person you're reblogging from, and to the people who see you on their dash, i've started multiple dm conversations with new mutuals based on tags that they or i have made on a post, that sparked an organic conversation-- especially artists and authors of fan content you like; reblogging a post of their art/fic with complimentary tags is an EASY way to make friends with people whose art you like and respect- I'm speaking from experience from both sides of that exchange! so many artists and authors on tumblr are so friendly and so lovely and LOVE to get feedback and thoughts and compliments about their work, and even if it doesn't spark a friendship i always think it's a good thing to put more happiness in the world

reblog ask games and send in asks to people you follow/people that you're mutuals with! most people love to talk/share about themselves, and it's a great way to compliment people/ ask questions to someone whom you don't feel comfortable direct messaging with yet!! the common culture on tumblr is to send an ask for an ask game to the person you're reblogging the game post from, and i think that's a great way to get footholds in with people you want to be friends with !!

i don't know how common this is, but for me i kind of got naturally integrated into a big d20 friendgroup/mutual circle a couple years back, and i think it's a really easy way to make new/more friends- check out who your mutuals are reblogging from or sending asks to/recieving them from frequently! look for people with additional shared interests!

participating in fan creation events is also a really great way to meet new people in a fan space, especially if you write/draw/etc-- i've met and become really good friends with quite a few people through d20 gift exchanges and big bangs over the last few years, and it's a good time of year to keep your eyes peeled for gift exchange fan events right now !!

finally, if there's someone you think is really cool and you want to be friends with them: just message them! one of my dearest and oldest mutuals and friends on here started our friendship by direct messaging me entirely out of the blue "hey you seem cool and we seem to have similar interests, feel free to ignore me but i think we should be friends!" and that was like. four years ago<3 (hiii mer!! xox) sometimes it won't work, and sometimes it'll fizzle out or be awkward, but don't let that dissuade you!! you'll find your people, just keep looking <3

tldr: be natural, be human. it's really easy to blend into just another nameless faceless blog on tumblr, so using the tags and the asks feature and having a distinctive url/header/summary/pinned post is a good way to make yourself memorable, which in my experience is the first step to being seen as approachable/friendly to other people on here!! be yourself, and find a niche/group/media/interest you're passionate about, and seek out people with like interests!! tumblr can seem really daunting i know, and especially when you're a new or small blog it can feel really intimidating when all the other blogs around you seem to already have their established little mutual friend groups; but remember- we're all just people here!! and a lot of us are always looking for a new friend <3

[th3swarm]

Okay okay but u have to tell me abt the brainwashing Rollercoaster like u can't just throw out that pair of words n not elaborate

YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT THE SMILER OHHHH MY GODDD !!!!! MY FIRST BIG COASTER ?? THE ONE WHOS BACKSTORY GOT ME INTO ROLLERCOASTERS IN THE FIRST PLACE ?? THE RECORD HOLDER FOR INVERSIONS ???? I KNOW YOURE AMERICAN AND NOT SOMEONE WHO SUPER LIKES THEME PARKS BUT OH MY GOD HANG ON I NEED PICTURES

brainwashing and experimentation/medical stuff under the cut

[all my photography, apart from first and last, first is official i think ? i hope and the last one was taken by my irl friend who isnt on tumblr]

PHOTOS DONT DO IT JUSTICE OK ITS OVER A KILOMETER OF TRACK IN A VERY SMALL SPACE ITS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN IT LOOKS IN PICTURES. PICTURE 3 FOR SCALE ITS HUGE I PROMISE. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGOZL0cftQ8] VIDEOS ARE BETTER FOR SCALE AND FOR THE SOUNDTRACK (AGAIN. ITS MUCH LOUDER IRL, YOU CANT HEAR ANYTHING ELSE AS YOU WALK INTO THE AREA) . ITS FAR BETTER WITH THE SOUNDTRACK BECAUSE THERES ONLY SO MUCH THEMING YOU CAN CONVEY WITH JUST THE COASTER ITSELF . AND THE SCREEN ITS SUPER COOL, ESPECIALLY IN THE DARK OHH MY GOD I WENT IN THE DARK AND THE PISSING RAIN LAST HALLOWEEN IT WAS AMAZING, THERES ALMOST NO LIGHTS IN X-SECTOR THEY JUST HAVE THE SCREEN ITS ABSOLUTELY BLINDING

CW APPLIES HERE DOWNWARDS

ANYWAY THE BRAINWASHING PART IS THE BACKSTORY. WHICH IM NOT VERY GOOD AT WRITING OUT AT 2AM BECAUSE ITS VERY VAUGE ON PURPOSE TO BE INTRIGUING OR SOMETHING BUT BASICALLY IT BRAINWASHES PEOPLE ! MIND CONTROL UNDER THE GUISE OF MAKING YOU HAPPY! that subgenre of horror !!! theres also a computer controlling the whole thing which is the giant circle screen in the middle of all this !

there was also a scare maze aligning with the lore side of it when in opened in 2013 ! it was themed around being the hospital/facility where they did experiments to figure out how to best (??) do the brainwashing in the first place ! ive never done a scare maze im so glad they stopped doing that one because id probably go in there going "yay! smiler maze!" and then cry or something .

[rollercoasterwords]

Regarding recommendations of your fic, are you more comfortable with people not ‘advertising’ it on tiktok and such? I know that the comments people make on there can be pretty intense. My point of asking this is, where is the line for you about how much you want your fic talked about outside of tumblr? I think we’ve all seen it before, fics blowing up online is a double edged sword, so I understand you wanting to keep in ‘contained’. I just love to gush about my current favorite reads, but I also don’t want to cause you any trouble.

okay i feel like this answer is gonna get long lol but. yeah generally speaking tldr is i'm not really comfortable w people posting abt my hp fics on tiktok anymore

and like. i don't wanna come off as like...ungrateful ig. like it does make me happy when people like my fics enough to recommend them + i appreciate the kind words + love etc but!! honestly if someone is wanting to let me know that they appreciate my writing the best way to do so is by commenting or sending me a message here, bc im not gonna see any tiktoks unless i go searching for them. and while i appreciate people reccing my fics i also like. have no desire for any sort of 'advertising' like i appreciate recs to the extent that they're someone telling me 'hey i loved ur writing!' i don't like. have a desire to grow an 'audience' or whatever so! that is not something i am asking anybody to help me do and if someone does decide to try and make my fics more popular i'm not really gonna be grateful bc like...i didn't ask for that lol.

and the two big reasons i'm specifically wary about tiktok are:

1. every time i have seen a fic go viral/gain popularity on tiktok there has been a simultaneous influx of hate, entitlement, and just general fuckery that has made the fic writer's life worse. so in this case, specifically with atwmd, i am 100% sure that if it did gain popularity via tiktok that i would get an influx of hate, especially bc it's like. a complex story with very fucked up characters lol. i mean just look at the people who take up arms bc atyd wolfstar is 'toxic' or whatever...i do not want 2 see what would happen if that crowd read my wolfstar in atwmd lmao

2. i have very mixed feelings abt writing hp fic in the first place and am trying to limit my personal contribution to hp's popularity. like. with ao3 people aren't going to be stumbling across hp fic unless they're already seeking it out; tumblr is, for the most part, a similar type of self-curated space where my hp fic pretty much remains limited to what are already hp-fic reading circles.

but bc of tiktok's algorithm, my fic could end up on the fyp's of people who aren't really interested in hp and pique their interest, drawing in new people to start engaging w hp fandom who otherwise wouldn't. and i don't really like the idea of that happening! i don't want the fic i'm writing to contribute to like. growing hp's popularity. i'd rather keep it in circles of people who are already choosing to engage w this content, rather than have it float into the lives of people who might otherwise not see it.

i also feel like. on ao3 anyone finding the fic is gonna be someone searching for like. those specific tags--someone who wants to read a story like the one i'm writing. on tumblr, the only people really hearing abt it r people who follow me + so have like....seen me talking abt the fic + are basically knowing what to expect. on tiktok, any posts tagged like #marauders or whatever could end up crossing paths w a bunch of people who specifically would not read this type of fic, and i do not want those people to read it and then get upset with me when the story isn't what they wanted (something else that i have seen happen to other writers). so that's kinda what i mean by the 'breaking containment' thing

anyway. i don't have any issue w people reccing my fics to like their friends or closed discord servers or whatever--spaces where like. u know the people ur reccing it to are people who would like the fic + not treat it like a product for consumption etc. and as stated previously i appreciate those sorts of recommendations bc it does mean a lot 2 me when someone likes my writing enough to want 2 share it!! there are just specific pitfalls w tiktok that i have grown uncomfortable w to the point that now anytime someone mentions seeing my fic over there and i go search up the vid, even if it's super sweet and has like lovely comments that make me smile and literally nothing negative i still get a kick of anxiety at the thought of who might see this video or what might happen if it goes viral.

i've accepted at this point that i can't control how people are going to respond to my writing once i've posted it on the internet; all i can do is say 'please don't do x with my fics' and hope people listen. but i'm not gonna like get mad at people for posting on tiktok or whatever bc obviously not everyone is gonna see this post or read my faq, and i don't want to send any hate towards people who are posting tiktoks abt my fics--like i don't need anyone defending me or whatever. usually those vids are just out of sight out of mind 4 me. but!! since u have taken the time 2 kindly ask (ty btw) this is like. the very long answer abt where i currently stand on tiktok lol

[bluebuckstallion]

the sun will rise again - mlp fic p2

part one contents: aj and big mac are like. 13 and 15. big mac realizes she is a trans woman, and is guided by applejack, but there is much more to it than just that lol. its also a little hard for her. sappy, feel-good, tough internal conflict but overall happy fic. paragraph one is previewed here, the rest is below the cut! disclaimer: there is no transphobia in this fic lmao im not gonna write abt horse transphobia. this is a feel good. but cw for fear of outing (note: i am aware my blog makes posts a little hard to read bc of a glitch, i am trying to fix it at the moment, i apologize D: i rec reading it on tumblr mobile or highlighting the words as you read, im sorry!) paragraph one: The wind whispered lovingly, cooling little Big Mac and Applejack's drowsy heads. A time like this in a young pony's life can be very confusing, something the two of them had grown to be very familiar with. Applejack rested his backside against the trunk of one of his family's old apple trees, if they had no where else to take solace, at least they had the orchard and each other's company, he thought. It felt nice, having this little secret kept safe by somepony you knew would protect it, and who still cared about you just the same. "If nopony accepts us, at least we have each other. I don't care if it's just you and me, Big Mac, we'll be jus' fine." Applejack stated in a soft voice, breaking the silence. He was accepting of his circumstances, no matter how they turned out. As long as him and his sister ended up okay. And again, he was sure they would. Big Mac smiled and folded her hooves neatly, "Eeyup."

-

Applejack worked his fluffy hooves through Big Mac's mane, doing his absolute best to make the fine ginger hair into a braid. He wanted to do something nice for his sister, something to celebrate her bravery and courage in realizing - and telling - Applejack, and he wanted her to feel nice in her own body, even if she couldn't change much right now, or for a while. No matter how small the act, Big Mac was especially grateful. Nobody had ever treated her like this, on purpose at least, like she was a mare. And every chance Applejack could sieze he would do just that, remind her that was what, *who* she was. "So, Big Mac, what do you reckon I call you now?" With that her eyes widened, and her brows furrowed, it caught her off guard. "Like...my name? I didn't know I could change my name..." she let out, slightly confused, a tender hoof raising to her chin as she thought hard. "Yeah!" AJ beamed, not straying from his tedious work. Big Mac, still lying down, started shuffling her hooves again. "Well... I always thought if I were a girl my name would be something pretty, which I mean, I am a girl and all, but I don't feel very pretty ever," she admitted disheartened. "You're plenty pretty! You're an Apple! You wouldn't say Ma or Granny wasn't pretty, would you?" Applejack pointed out, gesturing absentmindedly in the air with his hooves, then promptly returning back to his work, being sure to keep a steady hoof. "Well... Nope." Big Mac blurted awkwardly, pursing her lips. "But-" she began. "No 'but's'!" Applejack interjected, "You're an Apple, and a dang pretty one!" Applejack closed his eyes and lifted his head proudly, putting his non-dominant hoof against his puffed chest, "Look at me, I'm an Apple and I'd say I'm awful handsome, just like Pa!" he said with an endearing foal-like passion and certainty. He chuckled, his cheeks growing slightly cherry as he let out a tiny chuckle, and got back to his work, about a quarter way down the locks. Big Mac grinned slightly, "I suppose," and tapped her hooves together shyly, playing with the grass falling between them. "You know, I always did think my mane was a little long for a stallion," she laughed playfully, diverting from the subject and trying to reassure herself. She went to touch her mane, and was swiftly batted away by Applejack's quick hoof, "Nuh-uh Big Mac, I'm workin' here. Don't go touchin' it now," he said sternly but still non-maliciously. He just wanted it to look perfect for his big sister, he wanted her to be proud, and feel as pretty as she could. Applejack wanted to know how it felt to look pretty, too, but in the way he'd always dreamed of. He wondered often if he'd ever get the blessing of such a wonderful feeling. "Applejack, do you ever wish you were born a colt?" Big mac asked genuinely, still a little unsure of what Applejack was feeling, but knowing there was solidarity in it somewhere, she just had to understand it a little more. "Well - not really," Applejack spat out, his eyes looking away from his busy hooves, and quickly darting back to them before he drifted off in fantasy. He thought about it for a second, and still felt strange. "I wasn't really born a filly or a colt... or anything, I think, I was just born me. And I wouldn't really have it any other way. Sure, I mean, maybe I'd like shorter hair or somethin', or a uh," he struggled to find the words in his young foal vocabulary, "maybe if my nose was a little more colt-ish I'd be happy. But I think I'm pretty happy with me now. I do hope when I'm older my voice is a little better, though. I can't really do much though," he sighed dismissively. He continued, "I don't ever really feel too bad about who I am... I think I just feel happy about who I am. When I see myself as not a colt and not a filly, just a foal, a pony, it makes me real happy-like. But, I don't get too sad unless people are real serious about calling me a filly. I do get sad sometimes though, when I look too much like a filly to other people..." As Applejack placed an orchard blossom in Big Mac's hair, tucked snug and safe behind her ear, a thought went through Big Mac's head. "Applejack!" she jumped up, the rush of movement startling him, who was so concentrated seconds prior. "Let's give you a haircut! It'll be like how you braided my hair for me, we can cut yours!" Applejack nervously rubbed his elbow, then raising his hoof lightly beneath his muzzle, and he began to sweat. "Well, I, what if Ma and Pa don't like it?" Big Mac thought hard as Applejack grimaced, "Well, we can hide it with one of Pa's hats, an' I'm sure they won't mind," she suggested happily. Applejack considered briefly, just for a moment, the downsides of it all. He then immediately turned them all away and smiled so hard his eyes shut, stomping his front hooves against the ground up and down, "Okay, let's do it Big Mac!" As they galloped back to the barn, Applejack had suddenly realized he was so surprised with how much Big Mac had been talking, she never seemed so excited to talk about anything, and he realized how much this all meant to her. It meant a lot to him, too. Especially that his sister was so supportive while still knowing so little, but in her defense, he didn't know much either. It was a very special feeling, he thought to himself, very pleased. They skidded to a halt clumsily as they reached the doors to the barn. Foal-ishly peeking through the front windows, they realized it was only Granny and baby Bloom home, their parents must be out. They looked at each other, grinning, and cantered to the back, sneaking inside through the back door. When they made it to the bathroom, Applejack noted Big Mac looked a little worn out, wearing a tired look on her face. She figured all this chattiness probably made her sister a little exhausted. He shot a reassuring patended Sibling glance at her telling her all she needed to know, not needing words. Big Mac let out a gentle smile. She helped her little brother reach the cabinet above the sink, reaching the scissors that were so high up it took them both working together to reach. Applejack had a slight doubt in his mind, his parents probably didn't want him touching the scissors by himself, did they? But he had his big sister with him, and it had to be done! Nopony else would, and only they understood. Applejack balanced shakily with two hooves on Big Mac's back, warily reaching one back hoof up onto the sink, as he balanced with his two front hooves against the edge of the cabinet. He grasped the scissors between his teeth, and brashly jumped down, just barely missing a potential accident, even though they both knew better than to jump around with scissors, they threw caution to the wind regardless. Applejack happily put his front hooves on the rim of the sink, tapping them and bopping his little head, he looked at his big sister, who began working at his hair. Big Mac chopped with a great lack of care, playfully snipping one strand then the next. Applejack beamed the whole time, simply happy to have it happen, plan or not. Big Mac frequently spun around him, balancing on three hooves and sometimes getting in so close that she held his face with one hoof, his hair with another, and cut with the scissors firm in her mouth. Applejack's body relaxed completely and was kicking and rearing with every cut, wiggling and happily holding his front hooves together and constantly swishing his head from side to side to check how it looked, one side fell to his muzzle, and the other to his chin. He smiled bigger than ever before. With the final snip, Big Mac dropped the scissors carelessly to the tile below. She gently grasped Applejack's chin and turned her sibling's head forward to face the mirror, and his mouth immediately fell agape, his jaw slack, and his eyes slowly widening with the purest joy there ever was. He cupped his hooves to his mouth, removing them, turning his head to the side, and then fixing himself and putting his hooves to his open mouth once again. He felt a soft tug in his throat and his chest, and he couldn't control the watering in his eyes, "Big Mac!!" his voice cracked. "Yes Applejack?" the filly said apprehensively, fearing that she had done something wrong. "Oh Big Mac, oh my gosh I love it so so much!!" He bucked and whinnied, spinning in circles, his once-flowing tail too short to trip over now, and the euphoria of it all was the most overwhelming emotion little Applejack had ever felt. The tugging became so immense he couldn't ignore it, and he acknowledged it by leaping onto Big Mac with a hearty hug, squeezing her tight as his little arms could, and he rubbed his muzzle into her neck. Big Mac politely pushed her hoof between her neck and AJ's hoof, making sure he didn't squeeze too tight, struggling slightly to breathe. This foal was definitely a strong one. "Thank you so much big sis!!! I feel so great!!" he neighed, stepping back, one hoof raised wiping his immense wave of tears. The feeling of euphoria shot through his body in a rush, showing itself in the form of a tiny but powerful hop, as he lifted his legs into the air and threw them around. Applejack rushed back to the mirror, urging Big Mac to come look as well, as she didn't quite see herself yet with her hair "done all proper-like." Big Mac's face became pale, as she felt the rush of a thousand different emotions. The paranoia became astounding again, what if she didn't like how she looked as a filly? What if she still didn't feel right? What if it wasn't - Her thoughts were abruptly cut short by Applejack tugging her over, knowing her sister just sometimes needed a push in the right direction. "Lookie Big Mac!!" he placed his arm cheerfully around her, wrapping it over her back. Big Mac's eyes were glued shut, and she only bashfully peeked one eye open because curiosity would've ate her alive otherwise, and deep down she knew she had to see herself eventually. She uncovered her hoof from her eye, and opened both of them slowly. Her mouth opened ever so slightly, and she wasn't even aware she had stopped breathing, her eyes fluttered up and down the braided locks, along with her heart, and her eyes landed on the blossom in her ear. She couldn't speak, her throat clogged up from such elation. She felt the choking once again, but it wasn't like before, this feeling was quite welcoming actually. It rushed from her throat up to her head, and took her breath away. The sobbing ebbed at her cheeks right away, and she turned to look at her brother. As they spoke with lack of words, they stared with inordinate graditude. As Big Mac smoothly turned back to the mirror, Applejack stomped all his hooves again, one after the other with no apparent order or care, shaking his head in a frenzy as his ears twitched and he smiled a mile wide. He finally felt *pretty.* Big Mac watched herself adoringly, for the first time ever, and felt this acceptance and understanding of herself coursing through her veins with a confidence she'd never had. She blushed, and her ears fell downward, a small smile creeping onto her face. "Applejack," she whispered softly, as if she were too worried the world would hear her secrets. Applejack peered closer with wide, curious eyes, "Yeah Big Mac?" he whispered back. "My name.." she mumbled. Applejack raised his eyebrows, captivated, as Big Mac slowly lifted her hoof to the blossom behind her ear. "Blossom?" Applejack stated inquisitively, before Big Mac could shake her head AJ corrected himself, "Orchard Blossom!" he exlaimed, leaning back and jumping in the air, "Oh big sis, that's so pretty!! I love it so much!!" Orchard Blossom nervously gestured for him to keep it down, as he was prone to being unaware of his volume control. Applejack embarassedly covered his mouth with a shy smile, "Oops, sorry big sis." he cleared his throat, "Orchard Blossom!!" he yell-whispered, the excitement shining through him, he stamped his tiny hooves and clapped them together in celebration. "That's so pretty, Orchard Blossom!" Applejack told her earnestly, loving the new name. "I don't think I want a new name, but I'm really happy ya found one you like!" "Orchard Blossom, Orchard Blossom, Orchard Blossom!" Applejack repeated, playfully prancing in circles, excited by the sight of his short tail, he spun even faster. "What's all that commotion in there? Applejack? Big Mac? Are ya in there?" they heard through the shut door, hoofsteps gradually approaching, painstakingly slow but steady. Both of them felt their hearts drop from their chest as they froze, unable to even fathom moving. How would they explain any of this? Applejack hurried to clean up desperately, brushing the hair together with his hooves, coldly sweating from his brow as he frantically hurried to remove any evidence. He stopped mid-sweep to quickly shove his father's hat on his head, which slumped immediately and blocked his vision. "Oh dangit Blossom, Pa's hat's too big! I can't see!!" Orchard Blossom was still unmoving, sheer panic stopping her very breaths. Applejack felt the tugging in his throat rise up again as he began whimpering.

[by-kilian]

hey, anon again. I guess a safe space would be where i feel comfy. Not have ppl send hate. Although that my be inevitable. But i guess i feel lonely because it does feel like high school. Where everyone has their own friends and i find that ppl i thought i would be really close to, the other doesn't really show that back.

I'm sorry. I just feel comfy talking to you so. I'm telling myself to pull through, right and i even unfollowed to not see them. But they are friends of the other people i follow and im like. When for the first time will i ever feel like i belong. And to answer it's mostly fandom.

You have nothing to apologize for! This is kind of long so I’ll put it under a cut.

First of all, people sending hate is sadly inevitable with the anon feature on tumblr. They also make it impossible to block anons and doing so is useless because tumblr is useless. An easy way to get rid of that is to turn anon off. It sucks because it’s the case of one potential asshole ruining it for other people who are most likely not assholes. But guess what? Your safe space and how you feel ultimately trumps how anyone else feels at the end of the day. Yes it may cut off some connection to people, but if that is what brings you peace of mind, go for it.

And secondly, you can always unfollow, block, and filter. I can’t tell you how many people I block and filter because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want. I’m not worried about how anyone else feels about it because this is KW’s blog therefore I’ll curate my online experience to look however tf I want it to! 😂 if that’s what it takes to make logging onto tumblr a more enjoyable experience for you, do that!!

Lastly, like I said in my last answer, I find many friendships on tumblr to come off as pandering and childish, but this could also just be because I’m older than most of the people I see in my tumblr circle.

I’ve made lots of friends off tumblr. Four people off tumblr alone know my real name and what I look like, and two have access to my private Twitter account. I don’t feel the need to broadcast those things or show off my friendships to them every day because why would I? Will I occasionally mention them and tag them in things on here? Sometimes but it’s rare. I don’t dive into their ask boxes all the time because I can literally just speak to them privately if I wanna talk 😂

I find most people perform with friendships on here and it’s a constant “look at me and who I’m friends with” and that is very deliberate. I’m sure that’s not the case for everyone but I’m willing to bet it’s the case for most, especially for most of what you’re seeing. There’s nothing wrong with you because you’re not in those groups. Most of those fizzle out and die off because that’s the nature of those kinds of friendships. I’ve gone through my fair share of internet cycle of friends in different fandoms when I was younger and I def did the same things I see others doing, and trust me when I say I speak from experience—many of those friendships are temporary and performative. Again, that may not be the case for everyone but it’s the case for most from my experience. It just is what it is because of the natural tendency to involve one self in cliques (sociologically we do this for protection, etc). There’s nothing wrong with them for doing this either. But my point is, look beyond what you’re seeing and remember that not being friends with those people may be for the best. Maybe it wouldn’t have lasted. Maybe it would’ve gotten you caught up in drama. Who knows? But know it’s for a reason and it’s not because you’re not worthy or worth having for a friend.

My advice is to make your space look however you want to. Unfollow, filter and block people and don’t be worried about the “repercussions” because this is literally the internet. What are they going to do? Beat your ass? 😂 Do what makes YOU happy. Don’t show love to anyone who isn’t reciprocating that back genuinely. That’s their loss, not yours. And just be yourself. Reach out to people who make you feel safe (if my blog is that place, feel free to claim an anon emoji and we can chat whenever!). Make your blog the safest place it can be for YOU because you owe no one nothing in terms of what constitutes your happiness and safety.

Cliques exist everywhere. They are also so incredibly pervasive on tumblr. It doesn’t bother me to not be apart of it cause I’m a grown ass adult who doesn’t want to be in it, but it annoys me to see so I can only imagine how it feels to be impacted by it. Your feelings are valid. And I wish I could answer that question as to when you’ll feel like you’ll belong. The internet may be the place where you find it. It also may not be. If you bank everything on finding “belongingness”, especially in very specific spaces, you may actually find yourself feeling more empty. It’s okay not to belong, but I also understand wanting to.

I encourage you to be your true, authentic self and don’t worry about making friends or whatever. Come on here and have fun. You will find your people eventually simply by being authentic. When you’re not looking for anything in particular, you will just find those things cause that’s how life works. Or rather, those things will find you. With ease, too cause you’re no longer worried about it.

I’m sorry if this wasn’t the answer you were hoping for but I do promise you that I’m sure you’re not alone. And I hope this helps, somewhat. ❤️

[wherestoriescomefrom]

Hey, I have an academia aesthetic tumblr((not Desi, it's kinda exclusive , I do talk about my desi identity but mostly i post yk English/Italian photos)) , and I post, about my academics their, what I'm reading and learning (mostly stem). I do like cottagecore as well.

So, I read your post and I do not understand it. I am well aware of the casteism and I am not ignorant but I don't understand that what's wrong with this.

I just happen to like aesthetic, fuck colonisers but their architecture be good, yes, so is Indian architecture but I'm just liking that more these days so what is the problem.

I'm privileged, very, but I feel like a piece of shit since your post, I do not understand.

I am acknowledging it that so many people do not get to study and I'm not romanticizing it, I'm just talking about my life, and how I read and love to read and it is indeed a celebration of a "privilege" but what do i do? Not do this? Idk man? Idk

man i regret making that post. okay i reblogged it lately with more of an explanation, and here's the pull quote: "okay i was. in a mood the night i wrote this and i just wanted to say that i wish i had framed this with less anger and more gentleness. this was more of a personal rant, which has made it into the circles it speaks of. but for what its worth: i don’t actually have a right to be angry over this. i am UC, and as such, gentleness should come with my privilege. most of all, i wanted to apologise because this post makes it look like im not a part of this culture, which isn’t true. it isn’t as if i haven’t made posts about bollywood, or uncritically used the word “desi.”

i know this kind of online culture gives people joy. i have just seen too much of it which engaged uncritically, without acknowledging the wide wealth of history that is not uppercaste or north indian. (i think seeing another reclist with jhumpa lahiri on it did it for me. i’m sorry, i really dislike her as a writer… for personal reasons). i just wanted to express my problems with the version of india this kind of aesthetic produces, and provide context for my thoughts."

secondly. i know i'm not obligated to tell you what this means, but here goes nothing. often times, i feel, as UC people, we have a lot more access to global rhetoric. as such, being on very american spaces like tumblr, we get to talk to people outside of the mainland about our aesthetic, which is more often than not UC. the aesthetic that is used here makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable mostly because of the sheer amount of labour that it glosses over. who do you think built the mughal buildings? do you remember the old story about the taj mahal, that shah jahan cut the labourer's hands after it was complete? for that matter, who do you think stitches the elaborate lehengas, the detailed zari work, and everything else it entails? it isn't us. we don't even pay a fair price for it. what makes me angry is that while there is more and more of an awareness of the inherent colonialism in dark academia, there is just not the same amount of awareness for casteism in indian academia. especially when brahmanism literally means that others don't get to study. idk, you can listen to Anurag Minus Verma's podcast on this, or maybe Buffalo Intellectual's. both good.

the aesthetic wouldn't even bother me so much if it wasn't for the rec lists. look, as upper caste people who have global audiences on tumblr, people pay attention to us. we're articulate, soft spoken, savarna. when i see reclists that regurgitate the same five indian authors as the be-all and end-all of south asian writing, i don't like it mostly because i know some non-indians are going to find it and think the same thing. it feels like such a disservice to the VARIETY of GOOD South Asian writing out there!!! i don't want to self promote, but here. i wrote a reclist a few weeks ago.

lastly. i don't actually care. you can engage with this aesthetic if you like, you can choose not to after this post, you can choose to engage with it more critically, do whatever you like. my intention was never to make people feel bad about what brings them joy. i don't think i was ranting for any reason except for my own, and i wish i'd either a) been gentler in what i was saying b) hidden the criticism from people who like leaning into this kind of online presence.

i don't care in the same way that i don't care about dark academia as a whole. it's imperialism, but it affects me very little as a mainlander. same with #desiaesthetic. it's more for nris than it is for me, and i can assure you, no one living in india actually cares either. i don't wanna say im involved in politics, but as someone with some experience of just student politics and indian academia, it's not like any of us sit and get mad at desi dark academia moodboards. as such, engage with it in whatever way makes you happy. me ranting to myself shouldn't affect your happiness, because you don't know me, and i might be a terrible person for all you know. who am i to pass judgement on what you do? i have no horse in this race. i do not make moral judgements on how you should engage with your media, that's entirely up to you.

i hope this answer made you feel better, genuinely. i don't want anyone to feel bad about the things i say, it was never my intention to do that. rest easy, sleep well, enjoy what you like in whatever way you like it.

unironically, love,

[someone-worth-racing-for]

Hey there!

I am quite new here and I was wondering how you got into this fandom. Specially the carlandofandom :)

Also, when did you start writing? I saw your posts the other day about not being able to write all of it, so it somehow triggered me to write some stuff myself (some requests were just too cute).

Havent been properly writing for ages though and I am not quite sure if anybody wants to read my stuff...any advice? Im so indecisive...

Thanks for all your great stories and have nice day :)

Hey you, anonym and especially – welcome to the fandom! 🤗❤️

Oh my God, believe me – you actually don’t want to know how I got to this fandom, it’s such a long story.. You better grab yourself some Coke and popcorn, because this will be a longer one.. 🥤🍿

But alright, everything has begun with that the TWD (The Walking Dead) fandom has started to annoy/boring me, also because the show has become pretty bad and I wanted to leave the sinking ship before it will be too late. That must have been around autumn/winter 2018. During the winter months I really, really love to watch ski jumping, also because it’s pretty popular in my country (Austria). I was already a fan of it since many, many years, but I only became a real fan at that time. I always say I love this sport so much, because those jumps are always so “quickly over” – meaning that I don’t have to wait for too long to find out the results. Yeah, the competition itself isn't that short, but the individual jumps of each athlete are. That’s why I actually “hate” F1 so much, because I have to wait freaking two hours of pure stress, several mental breakdowns and heart attacks later to finally find out who will win, and also because so much can happen during a race, while those ski jumpers are practicing individual – does that make any sense!? However, so I got pretty deep into the ski jumping fandom over that time, especially also here on Tumblr, where I have met a pretty nice girl back then, who had been as thrilled about the fandom as me. But you know, during the summer there aren’t any competitions, so it had been pretty boring in the ski jumping fandom and then suddenly that girl came up with F1.

The first thing I have thought was ‘NO WAY! NEVER EVER!’ – you have to know, I have really hated F1 with a passion before August 2019. I was always making fun of my boyfriend watching those cars driving in circles for two hours. I just couldn’t understand it how someone can watch that voluntary (I sometimes still can’t..😅) and I really, really hated it with everything I had. My boyfriend even was at the Austrian GP in 2019 and back then my biggest nightmare would have been if he would have forced me to come with him (he got there with his father in the end – today I would give everything to get there!)

I remember, we have been on vacation during the beginning of August 2019. We were in a theme park, when my boyfriend said at one point that he will get over to that bench in the shadow under the tree now and watch the qualifying. I have really thought he was kidding me, because I couldn’t understand how the hell someone would watch something so stupid like F1, while being in a freaking theme park. Well, today I would be the one sitting there on the bench, while my boyfriend would probably urge me to please finally stand up so we could go on 😅

That was at the beginning of August 2019 – so I must have slowly but sure fallen for the fandom around 15th of August. And if you believe me or not, but I have neither fallen for Lando nor for Carlos at the first place. It was actually Max, also because he was one of the less drivers I have known next to Lewis, Sebastian, Valtteri (I always had to think about Harry Potter because of Bottas..😂) and probably Nico. But I have actually began to “stalk” when I have got to know about that Max has a little sister and I have found those sweet pics of him with her together (Do you know which pics I mean? You should really check them out – they are so cute). And somehow Lando came into the play as well and so my first story for this fandom resulted. Back then I have really, really thought it would be the first and also last story I will ever publish for this fandom. Well, that didn’t aged well..😅 Somehow my interest grew and grew with every more day stalking the internet for content and by the time of the first race after the summer break, I was already a fan. Spa 2019 has been the first F1 race I have ever watched from the start till the end and I have to say that this weekend has broken me (literally). Of course, because of Anthoine, but also because this time of the year is since 2017 never easy for me and on that weekend also Carlando finally came into the play. Check out this post from a few weeks ago – Carlos’ birthday on Sunday and that Lando has supposedly hugged Carlos after his DNF has really, really touched my heart and since that day these two boys own my heart and I remember, that the next day after the race I have got up at five in the morning to write “Tomorrow will be kinder” – because writing is sometimes my only way to deal with things, so I just had to write my thoughts/feelings down and it was the beginning of something beautiful actually.

But there is one more little story I have to tell you about my F1 past – this story right here is actually one of @hurtsprincess favourite ones. Because back in 2015, when F1 was finally back in Austria again, I was there by the race as probably the biggest F1-hater under all of them. Half of our town and so also most of our friends has got there, so it was kind of peer pressure, why I have finally joined them as well. We had to stand up really, really early – actually it was still in the middle of the night (I think it was three in the morning or so) and got to Spielberg with the bus. It was one of the hottest day of the year back then and after watching “the race of generations” with Niki Lauda, Gerhard Berger and some others and then following also the F3 and F2 races (Me, back in 2015: What do you mean there are races before the actual race? What the hell is F3 and F2?) and because we were so damn tired after standing up so early, most of us, including myself, were sleeping in the meadow during the F1 race. So I have missed over half of the race and I really can’t even remember anymore who has won 😅 But it had still been a funny day for my as a F1-hater, but believe me - if I should ever get to a GP again, this won’t ever happen to me again! 😅 I promise! 🤞🏼

Wow, this has turned out longer than you have actually wanted it, right anonym?! 

Your first question about how I have got into the Carlando fandom is probably answered now and also half of your second question. But I have actually started writing fanfictions back in autumn 2016 for the TWD fandom. I have written overall 16 stories for that fandom and 4 stories in German for the ski jumping fandom, but as much as I have already loved to write fanfictions back then, it only really became my passion and biggest hobby with Carlando. I just can’t stop writing about them, also because they make me so happy and for me so easy with those dorks just being them 😊

Yeah, I’m still very sorry about that I just can’t write stories to all of these great requests, even tho I would really, really like to do - but if you have got inspired by one of these, you should give it a try!

But if you are really that indecisive and shy, you could use the anonymity of the internet for your favor (in this case this posibilty is a good thing - as long as you use your anonymity not for spreading hate/attacking/bullying someone) You know what I mean? I actually did/do that as well. Only three people here on Tumblr know who I really am. Some of you may know from where I am (because I don’t make a secret out of it) and some here even know my name, but that’s it. I don’t share any more personal things about my identity, because I also prefer to stay anonymous here, especially because only my boyfriend, my best friend and my mother know about that I’m writing fanfictions. All those other people I call “friends” don’t know about it or me having this account here and I also don’t want them to know, because they simply wouldn’t understand it.

What I’m trying to say here - if it makes you feel better and also more secure, you could upload your story on AO3 without telling anyone it’s you. Or if you don’t want to post it on AO3 and you also don’t want to post it on your Tumblr account, I offer you to send me your story anonymous. I would post it in your “name” aka anonym, saying that this story isn't mine and you could watch/read the reactions.

You don’t have to lose anything, anonym 😉 I would really, really like to read your story, no matter if you will decide to publish it with your name or anonymous. Because there won’t ever be enough writers out there, blessing us with their great stories. Also because I am as much a passionate reader than a writer. And I’m also pretty sure about that you are talented and also about that your story would be more than just worth reading it 😊

Thank you so much for your message, anonym and I’m sorry my answer turned out to be so long 😅 but I really hope my words have helped you in some way, because I’m pretty sure about that you actually don’t have to have a reason to be that shy and indecisive 😉 Just give it a try, as long as it makes you happy 🤗❤️

[kingonafiftymetreroad]

Fic Rec Post

Hey everybody! One of my secret santas asked me what my favorite fics are so I decided to make a full blown rec post just for them. These are a little all over the place so I hope you can find something that you enjoy here! ☁️✨ 

Please make sure to read all tags and warnings before reading a fic. And don’t forget to kudos/comment!

🌙 The Finish Line (Is A Good Place For Us To Start) by LoadedGunn 122k

Louis Tomlinson, one-time Formula 1 World Champion, is looking forward to the 2013 season. He’s got Zayn in his garage and Liam in his ear, he’s got Cowell Racing backing him despite former indiscretions, he’s got experience and the best race car out there. Not to mention he’s the only racer they have, after Oliver dropped out late last year.

It hasn’t occurred to him that Oliver would have to be replaced by February. That is, until he finds himself at a party celebrating Harry Styles leaving Ferrari for Cowell. Harry hotshot Styles, who broke a record last year and is probably looking to make a big splash. Harry Styles, who is talented and somewhat intimidating. Harry Styles, who left Ferrari for reasons unknown and seems kind of lonely and harmless in person. Lonely, harmless, hot as fuck. Whatever.

The first thing Louis does is take him under his wing. From there it’s nine months of slow-burning romance, the past catching up to them, turning into the human puppy pile that is OT5 and a lot of feelings until, of course, reaching the finish line.

🌙 a promise lives within you now by sarcasticfluentry 46k

A Lord of the Rings-inspired Middle Earth AU. Louis is an Elven prince, next in line to become King of Mirkwood, and Harry is the orphaned Human boy who grows up alongside him. They fall in love, but Louis’s obligations to the throne, Harry’s mortality, and impending war threaten to tear them apart.

🌙 if you're for real and not pretend by brownheadedstranger 21k

In which Harry works in a bakery and Louis can't seem to find what he's looking for.

🌙 Into The Blue by zarah5 117k (story is locked, ao3 account required to read)

AU. In which Louis is Harry's scuba instructor and quite happy to provide the requested special treatment, pun fully intended. It can't be all that difficult to convince Harry that they're on the same page, right? Also, Niall and Liam may or may not be dating, and Zayn is surrounded by emotionally stunted idiots. He bears it with dignity.

🌙 Don't Unplug Me Or Shut Me Down by slashter 7k

Louis scowls. "He's a photography student. He works with gorgeous models and probably breaks hearts with his smile. I'm a nerd. I earn my money fixing broken crap, and for some stupid reason, I like it. He wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, he's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers, et cetera, et cetera." Louis sighs. "I swear, the coolest thing I've ever done is wear contacts."

Basically, Louis is a self-proclaimed nerd who fixes things and Harry seems too perfect to keep breaking as many things as he does.

🌙 You Are The Blood by sarcasticfluentry 175k

A seventh-year Hogwarts AU in which Niall gets all the girls, Liam goes on a journey of self-discovery, Zayn falls in love, Harry wants something more, and Louis tries to figure out once and for all why he, a Muggleborn, was sorted into Slytherin.

🌙 this must be what all the fuss is about by youcomecrash 3k

"You're sweaty," he mumbles matter-of-factly. Louis opens his eyes and raises his head from between his arms. Harry's just staring up at him with a lazy expression and Louis kind of wants to kiss him to sleep. "That's because it's a hundred degrees in here, babe."

🌙 I Fell From the Sky For You (Like a Shooting Star) [by louserz] by waddupjordan (orphan_account) 8k (This was originally posted on tumblr by @louserz and this person had permission to post it on ao3 for the author. if the original author sees this and wants me to take this off of my rec post please DM me and I will. This fic displays elements of depression and homelessness although it is not tagged that way so please take caution in reading this. I don’t want to accidentally trigger anybody.<3)

Harry owns a bookstore, Louis is homeless, and apparently even shooting stars fall in love.

🌙 Sail Across Me by iwillpaintasongforlou 21k

Harry is a prince that is about to be forced into marriage against his will and running away to sea seems like a much better option. Louis is the captain of the infamous pirate ship The Rogue and he has a thing for helping defenseless creatures. Especially when they're as pretty as this one.

🌙 but maybe im just in love when you wake me up by theonewiththelarrystories 6k

lazy morning sex, prompted by Asher: "like a whole sleepy sunday morning vibe of waking up together and then louis pulling a sleepy harry into a warm bath and louis washing harry all over. a bit of body!worship, louis gently working conditioner into harrys curls and him practically purring. Then louis taking it slow with kisses on harrys neck and gentle touches and then fingering harry until hes whining with his head thrown back against louis’ shoulder little needy noises coming from his perfect fucking lips. and then harrys boneless and content while louis leads him back to their bed and spreads him out face down and rims the fuck out of him until hes screaming and then he fucks him gently and then they cuddle on the couch and harry wears louis’ white sweater and louis calls him ‘sweetheart.’"

🌙 strawberry milk fic by Wankerville 158k (3 parts)

This is a 3 part story. The 1st part was originally written alone and then the author added the rest. You can just read the 1st part (19k), and you’ll still be satisfied without feeling added pressured to read the whole thing. Please read all the tags and warnings for each fic beforehand!

🌙 and we live like legends now by soleilouis 16k girl!direction 

harry works at a juice bar, and louis is the cute girl that skates at the park right next door.

🌙 Through Eerie Chaos by MediaWhore 102k (story is locked, ao3 account required to read) @mediawhorefics​

For as long as anyone can remember, Old Hillsbridge Manor has always been believed to be haunted. Everyone in the village agrees and keeps a respectful, fearful, distance. New in town after a bad breakup and an internship that led to disappointment rather than a permanent job, Harry Styles figures taking pictures of the decrepit building could be a great new creative project. Or at least a much-needed distraction while he searches for a job and crashes at his parents’ new house. No one warned him about the apparitions though; about the music, the laughter, the people who flicker and vanish when you call after them, the echoes of a past that should be long gone… Harry has never believed in spirits but even he can admit that there’s something weird going on. What starts as mere curiosity evolves into a full-blown investigation and soon enough, Harry finds himself making friends with an aristocrat from the 1920s and struggling with finding the best way to tell him that he’s dead.

The Ghost Hunter AU where Niall lives to prove ghosts are real, Zayn is a skeptical librarian and Harry gets caught up in a century-old mystery and catches feeling in the process.

🌙 jump in the deep end by istajmaal 5k 

Louis’s stomach lurches as he closes the last bit of distance, Harry’s nose settling between his arse cheeks and pushing them apart. Harry’s lips brush against the puckered skin around Louis’s hole in a kiss and Louis lets out a whine so high-pitched he barely recognizes it as coming from himself—what if I'm not clean enough, what if Harry hates it, what if Harry pushes me away—but then Harry’s long, wet tongue swoops in a circle around Louis’s rim and Louis feels like all the breath is knocked out of him. He grabs for Harry’s hand, still digging into his thigh, and squeezes over it, until Harry releases his vice grip on Louis’s thigh and laces his fingers through Louis’s.

or, Louis's arse is a sensitive subject, so Harry approaches it gently. With his tongue.

🌙 the wheel breaks the butterfly by embodied 4k girl!direction @aliensingucci​

“Out with it, Styles,” Louis groans. Harry’s suddenly regretting this whole thing, and she’s sure she’s beet red now, so she just blurts it out so fast she’s not sure if Louis even understands her right away.

“I’ve never gotten head before.”

AU. harry and louis are roommates. girls' night ends a little differently than usual.

🌙 you flower, you feast by stylinsoncity 18k

He's King of the Underworld, but don't assume Louis has it all. He could stand for some excitement in his monotonous, eternal life and maybe, even.....a soulmate.

(Despite not having a soul.)

And along came "Harry".

🌙 you change, water sea by got2ghost 4k girl!direction (ziam with side larry)

“Zayn wants me to teach her how to make a girl squirt,” Louis says, like it’s the most casual thing in the world. Liam chokes on the water she’d been swigging from her thermos, which makes Louis throw her head back and laugh. Zayn’s brows pinch together and she pats Liam gently on the shoulder, muttering, ‘you okay babes?’

🌙 The Case Of The (Definitely Not Haunted) Styles Mansion by BriaMaria 40k

“So there’s a sense of humor buried beneath all that condescension, huh?” Louis said when he’d stopped laughing.

“It’s not condescension, it’s intelligence. I understand you might not be able to recognize it yourself,” Marcel said, then slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”

Louis stepped closer, his eyes on Marcel’s face. “For being an asshat?”

“For being rude,” Marcel said, from beneath his palm.

Louis shifted a half-step closer until he was at the very edge of Marcel’s personal space. It felt like he was nudging at it, asking to be let in. Marcel flushed hot for no reason.

“Lucky for you it takes quite a lot to actually insult me,” Louis said taking one step closer. Too close. Too close.

Marcel met Louis’ eyes. Those blue eyes that reminded Marcel of poetry instead of science, lyrics instead of formulas. They were so pretty he wanted to drown in them.

---

Or the Nancy Drew AU where Marcel is a man of logic, Louis is a private detective who believes in ghosts, and the Styles Mansion is definitely, absolutely, positively *not* haunted.

🌙 You are the Lyrics by TheIfInLife 4k @larryficwriter​

or, Harry wears lingerie for the first time and Louis definitely approves.

🌙 Wild at Heart Ain't Hard to Find by QuickedWeen 11k girl!direction @becomeawendybird

Louis and her best friends Niall and Liam always take an annual vacation together. This year Niall has picked Redwater Canyon, a small tourist town where everyone lives like it's the Old West. There are saloons, stagecoaches, and limited access to WiFi.

The town boasts tours, excursions, activities, and the hottest woman Louis has ever seen in the form of the local blacksmith.

🌙 Withdrawal Was the Weeping by QuickedWeen 11k girl!direction

Confined by life and society, Harry spends her Sunday afternoons walking aimlessly about the countryside as it's her only source of freedom. One Sunday she is aided by the most beautiful woman she has ever met, but not everything is as it seems. Was it a trick of the light? Was it Harry's own active imagination? There is nothing to do but try to find her again.

🌙 i must admit i thought i'd like to make you mine by disgruntledkittenface 50k @disgruntledkittenface​

Louis fell apart when her ex broke up with her and moved across the country. Just as she’s starting to move on, Zayn comes back to town for their mutual friends’ wedding – with a new girlfriend as her plus one.

Blindsided and scrambling to save face, Louis lets herself get talked into a fake relationship with her new friend Harry. Their arrangement makes Louis feel pathetic and embarrassed, but it’s only going to last a few weeks. She just has to get through the wedding – what could happen?

🌙 tempted by the fruit of another by disgruntledkittenface 3k (zayn/louis/harry)

Zayn didn’t mean to look. And she certainly didn’t mean to watch.

It’s just that Louis and Harry are the worst hosts in the world; they’re in their bedroom, clearly fucking (again), and so loud that Zayn can’t concentrate on her game of Among Us in the living room. Liam has killed her twice. Liam. So she just went down the hallway to make sure their bedroom door was at least closed.

It wasn’t.

Zayn stumbles into a world of possibility when she stays with Harry and Louis for a few weeks.

🌙 I have more favorite fics but they are not included here due to them being deleted from ao3. They’re saved in PDF form both on my laptop and my phone (I go back and read them all the time) so if you’re interested in those you’re welcome to reach out to me and ask privately and I’ll share what I can.

This turned out a lot longer than I had expected. If you read through the whole thing thank you! ✨

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

hey how have you been?

weird question but, i hope its ok to ask advice on this one, if not thats totally ok

i was wondering if you know how to,, make friends? i joined so many chats and followed so many people but all i do is comment on their posts or just chat in the group chat. it doesnt get to the point where i pm them

while i do have acquintances in those chats that i recognise and talk to A Lot i just,,, feel like its not the same as a maybe close friendship? i dont know

i even made a friend application and talked to a lot of people but a weird situation happened where a lot of them left me on read randomly(which is ok im not mad at that) and i thought id text them later but then i didnt... so now im just occasionally dming 1 person but idk.

i dont know where im going with this but basically, i dont know how to make friends,, or how to get to the friend stage,, any tips? thank you

(please tag as frog emoji if ok)

Yeah it’s totally ok to ask for advice! 

Oof,, making friends. I’ll admit that it doesn’t come to me easily either, and I especially struggled with making and keeping my friends a ton when I was younger. I hope talking about my own personal experience might help.

For me personally, when I think about who I consider a friend now, a lot of my online friends, or even my friends “from” school, are people that I talk to in Discord servers or group chats but don’t really dm. And surprisingly? I’m okay with that. I used to be at a point where I craved close friendships to the point where I was accepting treatment that wasn’t okay, but I’m not really there anymore.

And as for the people I do text or DM? Now that I think of it, all of them come from previous hobbies or interests that I don’t really do anymore.

A lot of the times, the reason I started out dming or texting people was for working on something, and not necessarily chatting. I have a friend from when I used to do activism, and we started texting to get work done. I worked with a ton of people, but I happened to click with her.

I think of that example as an “accidental” friendship, where I wasn’t really trying to get to know her, but we liked each other and became friends.

A lot of the friends I made actually came from a period in my life where I decided that I was done with my obsession with making friends, and I was going to spend some time completely alone. I talked about it here; I’d sit in an empty classroom reading during lunch and didn’t really talk to people.

Somehow, I acquired two friends I really liked during that time. From class, no less. I think part of it came from letting go of my expectations of what a friendship was supposed to look like, and being okay with being alone. One of those friends I made in a hard class where we exchanged numbers just to help each other with homework. The other I sat next to in a chiller class because no one was sitting at her table. We started chatting and I thought she was cool. I don’t really talk to either of them anymore, but I think that’s an example of how sometimes you can stumble across cool people after you stop looking for them.

I was in some online communities though, and I did tend to reach out to people a lot. Not necessarily because I wanted to be close to them, but usually because I thought they were cool or I just wanted to tell them something. Seriously, I started speaking to one of my online friends when he was asking about restaurants in my area and I didn’t feel like announcing my location in a big server. Lol.

And the thing is? The ratio of people I clicked with versus people I talked to was pretty low. If I reached out to, say, 100 people (it was less don’t worry lol), I became friends with fifteen and I’m still speaking to three.

And I’m okay with that! Since at that time, I’d “given up” on my desire for close friendships, I talked with those people just because I wanted to. And even with the people I haven’t spoken to in months, I genuinely enjoyed talking to them and I’m happy we started chatting.

I’ve also reconnected a group of online friends I first met when I was very young. I’m talking fifth grade, sixth grade age. I don’t DM any of them, but I consider it a pretty close knit group and I’m happy just talking to them through a Discord server.

Tl;dr: I personally used to have an unhealthy obsession with an idea of what I thought friendship was. In my personal experience, letting go of my need for friendship was not only freeing, but actually helped me in my interactions with others.

Of course, everyone’s different. This is my background as one neurodivergent girl who’s had specific experiences.

My question is, are you enjoying the chats you’re in? Please remember to have fun, okay? If you joined your chats or followed people with like, a specific goal in mind, you might get disappointed. But if you genuinely like interacting with them through Tumblr and through other communities, maybe that’s the type of friendship that’ll bring you the most happiness in that specific case.

When I was in fifth or sixth grade, my mom bought me a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls, by Dale Carnegie’s daughter Donna. Obviously it’s targeted to a specific demographic, but I haven’t read the original and it might be a lot less accessible.

I thought it would “help” me make friends. It didn’t really; It took me many more years before I was happy with my social circle. But what it did do was give me specific stories and help me rework some of my beliefs around what friendship was supposed to be and how they start. It taught me super important things about how to admit mistakes and communicate with people. And honestly? Even though I didn’t really apply what I read until many years later, I think that information stuck around in my mind and contributed to where I am today.

Maybe it’ll be helpful to you, maybe it won’t. But I’d consider checking it out!

I hope some of this was helpful to you and I’m wishing you all the best! 💚

[whitherliliesbloom]

tbh im surprised nobody's gotten upset with you over playing a lala and shipping, last time i tried to rp i got so much hate for shipping my lala with others... alas I am too timid and deleted. carry on, brave soldier... maybe one day some of your courage will rub off on me and i will join the ranks of rp blogs on tumblr once more... but until then, I will watch and support from the shadows!

I wish I could agree with you on that, but unfortunately there have been people who got upset with me for those very same things.. and not a small number, either. I just don’t give any of those people the attention that they beg for. 

I’m really sorry that you were harassed for playing a lala and shipping with them of all things. I’m not exactly a RP blog (although I hope to be able to start rping once i’m less busy), but I’m definitely aware of the discourse and toxicity that gets thrown around in this fandom sometimes. And ESPECIALLY if you play a lala, because god forbid people read the numerous nuances ffxiv provides that disprove the fact that lalafell are children over and over again... 

I’d just like to assure you that you’re not alone. There are many, many other lalafell players out there who get the same shit from the same crowd. And it definitely sucks. It can destroy your morale and make you feel so anxious, alone and helpless that you just give up. I’ve been there.

But I hope you’ll be able to get into it again. Because those people don’t deserve to be able to strip away what you enjoy doing and what makes you happy. 

If you ever do come back, I’ll be more than happy to shower you with all the love and support that you deserve, just as I’ve found a circle of friends who have done so much to support me here.