#especially if they release new music but this year was a very turbulent music year for me

[peachcitt]

i would just like everyone to know that spotify wrapped decimated me this year

[atiny-for-life]

Creative Spotlight #8: Choi Jongho

Masterlist

Intro: With so many new Atinys coming in, I figured now would be a good time to shed some light on all the boys' creative solo projects over the years, big and small.

JongST

Jongho's a singer through and through, and launched his own cover series in 2020 where he traveled to the filming sets of his favorite dramas to cover the songs in his usual powerful and emotional fashion, proving over and over again how much he deserves all the praise he gets showered with:

The fourth episode is a special one, featuring Jung Seung Hwan, the original singer of the OST, and a little interview section in the second half of the video. It's very cute and Seung Hwan shares a little anecdote of Jongho approaching him in the past to give him one of their albums and being all sweet and shy about it.

The most recent JongST was released in 2022.

Other Cover Songs

In mid 2022, Jongho was invited to Leemujin Service, where he performed an acoustic cover of Turbulence and the most gut wrenching version of Don't Go Today (seriously, it's so gorgeous I've streamed it more than some actual comebacks):

Through his participation in Masked Singer, Jongho performed Swing Baby a year ago while (to my delight, Jinyoung and Hyunsuk from CIX were there) - it's a really fun and dynamic performance and you can tell the audience had a blast:

And while Ateez as a group have participated (and won) Immortal Songs on multiple occasions, Jongho also performed a solo there last year - So You. At the beginning of the last third of the song, there's a section where the instrumental just falls away and we're left with nothing but Jongho's voice and it's so damn powerful:

8 months ago, Jongho's cover of Park Hyo Shin's Wild Flower was uploaded, featuring Jongho in a unique setting: a circular room with a single spotlight shining down from above, illuminating just him and a pianist sitting at a grand black piano.

It's a stunning performance with a gorgeous explosive section in the second half:

Imitation Soundtrack

Like Seonghwa, Yunho, and San, Jongho was also a part of the Imitation cast but, unlike the other three, he was a member of the fictional group Shax, which most of us agree made better music in the show-verse. While they had multiple performances (all of them iconic), here are the two most famous ones:

Pentatonix Collab

In 2022, Yunho, San, and Jongho were invited to collab with Pentatonix on a song called A Little Space (featuring a Korean verse):

Original OSTs

About a year ago, Jongho performed his first OST live, Gravity for the show Reborn Rich - it's absolutely stunning and powerful with an explosive chorus and soft verses and I wish I could've heard it live when they were last on tour:

1 month ago, A Day was released for the show Lovely Runner which is, for now, his most recent OST release and (unlike Gravity), this song actually gets used well by the show and is played during many pivotal scenes (especially in the latter half of the show):

[slavghoul]

Interview from Classic Rock Magazine #309

What stands out in your memories of 2022?

TF: Going back to touring was a fantastic feeling! In the beginning it felt almost unreal; still with a bit of restriction, which was kind of unintuitive, but the last tour we did, in August/September, was as good as normal. We released the record when we said we would, we managed to back it up with seventy shows. We cancelled one show in total. That's a good result.

Impera has dark, historically rooted themes, but it's also music that makes the listener feel so many things - joy, aggression, excitement, sorrow... After such a turbulent couple of years there's something cathartic about that.

I am very happy about how the record came out, and that it seems to be well-received among our fans. That's a tremendous feeling. I feel like I managed to do a lot of things I set out to do. We're gonna continue next year, we still have a lot of things to do. But right now we're just recharging a little.

Kaisarion has been a hit live. For a song about the brutal murder of a female Roman philosopher, it really gets the party going.

Yeah, I'm still surprised that with a song that does what it does - and was so well received and opened up the shows - there's never been talk about turning it into a single. Which I don't understand. But at the end of the day it's a label decision, and people around that decide which ones will, quote-unquote, 'work best'. And I've realised that I'm not really capable of choosing. I remember Mary On A Cross was a B-side.

It's weird how that happens with some songs.

Yeah, I must say I feel very optimistic with regards to how that song is taking a life on its own. Even though it was technically a B-side on a fun additional thing [2019's Seven Inches Of Satanic Panic] - it was not our main single from a new album we have always played it ever since it came out, on every show. Maybe a few exceptions, but I've always pushed that song as something that I felt very good about.

On that subject, you're viral on TikTok now. What is it about that platform that appeals?

I hardly knew what it was until two months ago! I have two almost fourteen-year-old kids, so of course I'd heard the phenomenon mentioned. It's an insanely big thing among kids and teenagers. What happens is they create these short snippets, funny, sad or emotional clips, to which they often tag some sort of music or sound. And if you are a creator of sound or music, you might be tagged on to a clip that might go 'viral'. That way you hit a lot more people that you might never entertain, you know, aiming your guns at. So it's a bit of a crap-shoot as well. We are not a big mainstream act, so obviously there's going to be a mixed bag of reactions. Because people in general are kind of strange to a lot of these aesthetics of rock, and especially the darker aspects of it.

It has brought the band more attention.

But if all that attention is a good or a bad thing, we do not know yet. There have been people who might have come on to the track, and as soon as they see what the band is about - or what they perceive the band to be about - there's backlash, because it's like: "Oh my, God fearing hater!" "I don't like it!" "This is communist bullshit!" So there are two sides of the coin. But it's a great bonus if we can get new people, especially kids, into liking rock music or other things, or if it makes them feel in any way better-informed, if you will.

Do you think TikTok will be a bigger deal for musicians in the future?

I don't know. I think when you're a musician, and you're making records, you need to have a certain strategic mind. But your job at the end of the day is making records and playing live. That is the heart of the matter. If you sit around waiting for a viral thing to happen, you can wait a long fucking time.

Back in May, the identities of the Nameless Ghouls were confirmed on social media. How do you feel about them not being strictly nameless any more?

Well, they haven't really been for quite some time. So for me it was not an overnight sensation. As long as it doesn't in any way interfere with what we are doing, there's no desire that I have for people not to feel proud or happy about what they're doing.

You've lamented not being able to play more guitar. If you could be the guitarist for a day in any band, which would it be?

Good question. There's several bands. I would have loved to be what Mick Taylor was in 1969, coming into the Rolling Stones at their best era - but I would have stayed around! That would have been a great experience. Very fun music to play. Definitely within the limits of what I can play really well. I spent a lot of time as a kid learning how to play guitar. Otherwise I would love to play in the Red Hot Chilli Peppers; I love what John Frusciante does. Def Leppard might be a good fit too. Joe Elliott spoke very highly of Impera when it came out. That would have also been really cool. Also a fantastic band. In an alternative reality, in an alternative life, I would have wanted to do a lot of other things. But I did hear that [Joe said those things], and it was very heartwarming, of course. A very big honour.

[venzilanddeathcult]

BELATED NEW YEARS LIST OF COOL ALBUMS I DISCOVERED IN 2023 OH BOY THIS POST IS GONNA BE LONG

2023 was without a doubt the year ive listened to the most music in all of my life, so there's quite a hefty bit of albums to list, and i'll try to put them in a loose order of when i listened to them, but no promises!

I will limit it to one album per band, while noting the other ones i could have listened to within the text

Sadly, i didn't get around to hearing The Beggar by SWANS yet, so it won't make this list. that said heres the first one lol

SPIDERLAND

(By Slint)

Also known as the "how the fuck did a bunch of dudes in their early 20s make something this fucking great" album

I first listened to this one at a friend's house since he had it on vinyl, and halfway through the album i was losing my shit and repeatedly exclaiming loudly how fucking amazing the album was

It's very hard to put into words just how fucking good this album is, it's definitely one of the albums that put me onto Post Rock as a whole, and changed the way i view guitar playing pretty significantly

Every song feels immaculately constructed (the weakest one being the short instrumental that comes right before my personal favorite, Good Morning, Captain, the final song of the album that's linked above) and the raw emotional output won me over pretty early into my first listen. It is now my second favorite album of all time, good shit, i urge anyone reading who hasn't listened yet to give it a shot

Give their first album a listen too!

THE POD

(By Ween)

Not much i can say about this album i haven't said before i think, so here are the notes i took about it while listening to it for the first time (on a plane ride)

"Listened to this album during the plane ride Might be one of Ween's best It's so noisy and shitty and gross Only enchanced by the plane ride nausea and the very low energy feel the altitude gives It's Like if the Best album of all time got recorded on the shittiest hardware ever i'm Gonna listen to it a lot I can tell The noisiest part of the [referring to the last song here] song started on the most turbulent part of the ride And I was all for it"

I was already a Ween fan by this point, but hadn't listened to their earlier stuff, especially The Pod since every attempt at listening to it made me genuinely nauseous for some reason, but damn did braving through the album pay off. it's one of my favorite Ween albums and every time i get a fever i put it on to at least find some comfort in the wooziness. big recommendation

OCTAHEDRON

(By The Mars Volta)

I've been a Mars Volta fan since very early 2022, but i didn't get around to exploring their full catalogue until after the release of their comeback album later that same year, with Octahedron being the last of them (the rest i gave first listens to in 2022)

It's a decently strong change from their previous album (The Bedlam in Goliath), which was probably their most intense and chaotic album, although it definitely fell flat in a few aspects (Weirdly produced, some filler that could have been cut out that makes some stuff sound samey, something that wasn't much of an issue with Volta albums up until that TBiG)

It feels like it sort of harkens back to their earlier albums such as Frances the Mute and Tremulant while also going forward in a direction that makes sense considering 2012's Noctourniquet.

It's still not something as well constructed as their earlier albums, but it's a seriously good effort and worth listening to at least once, some seriously catchy and memorable songs in here

IN TIMES NEW ROMAN...

(By Queens Of The Stone Age)

I've been a fan of Queens Of The Stone Age for basically as long as i can remember, which only intensified in the pandemic as i would spend my days listening to Era Vulgaris on loop for hours and hours

There was not a single album from them that i didn't love, something about their entire style is extremely appealing to my ears, and when i heard they would release a new album i damn near shat myself and eagerly awaited for news

Then Emotion Sickness came out, with it's Era Vulgaris-reminiscent sound, ESPECIALLY the chorus and i couldn't be happier, there was absolutely no end to my hype

And thankfully, once the album came out, i realized these motherfuckers STILL have it in them to make a really fucking solid rock album, it seems they shed the slightly more polished sound of Villains and went back to that good old rougher sound they used to have, while not ditching some of the bells and whistles that made their reunion records work

Seriously solid album and i'd recommend it to anyone that enjoys this style of rock. good stuff

Church goes here

CONTEMPORARY MOVEMENT

(By Duster)

Shed away all of those memes about Sisyphus featuring a song off this album and underneath you will find a really emotional slowcore album with such an immaculate vibe i can't help but just. sink into it as i listen, if that makes sense

Before listening to this album i was a big fan of that Experimental Dust bootleg, but had never listened to their other stuff until i did

Almost every song is just oozing with this unmistakably Duster sound that is so perfectly melancholic you cant help but just be right there with them, it's some seriously great stuff, lovely album.

I also listened to Stratosphere, but i didn't listen to it much so i don't feel like it fits in this post, but rest assured it's a damn good time as well. Great album, very sad, should probably only listen to it in a good headspace but you do you

WISH YOU WERE HERE

(By Pink Floyd)

Enough said. its peak

same applies to Animals

A FUCK TON OF ALBUMS

(By SWANS)

No, really, just in 2023 i gave first listens to:

To Be Kind

The Seer

White Light From The Mouth of Infinity

Love of Life

Greed

The Great Annihilator

The Burning World

It's too much to talk about, but SWANS is one of my favorite bands, and honestly, if you're really curious, just shoot me a DM for thoughts on any of these albums haha, i'm always overjoyed to talk about music with people, especially SWANS.

loveless

(By my bloody valentine)

One of my biggest regrets is not listening to this album in full earlier than i did. It's seriously such a fucking incredible experience from start to finish that i can't even find much to say about it that hasn't been said before, just give it a listen

MT EERIE

(By The Microphones)

Sorry kids i havent listened to the glow pt 2 yet cant talk about it

I randomly discovered The Microphones on my youtube recommendations one day while listening to completely unrelated music, but clicked due to the artwork catching my interest and was completely enthralled by their melancholic acoustic sound followed by real intense percussion in some songs, and the flirting with experimentation that goes on throughout the entire album, it's seriously great and it touched me in a way not much music has. Big recommendation

IN RAINBOWS

(By Radiohead)

It's hard to say something about this album that hasn't been said already, so i won't.

Give it a listen, even if you're not a fan of their usual stuff, this album still stands out as a pretty interesting project and i enjoy it quite a lot

Also listened to from them this year: OK Computer and Kid A, heavily enjoyed both but In Rainbows remains my favorite

DOOLITTLE

(By Pixies)

Now for my most listened album of the year, spawned from the same night that got me into Spiderland (my 2nd most listened to album...go figure)

Having listened to Where Is My Mind? upon watching Fight Club, that was sadly the only Pixies song i stuck to for a while, but once i heard this album i kept on digging and digging through it to finally get what it is that made me enjoy this band's sound

It actually took me quite a fucking while to fully "get" this album, but the album slowly earned my full appreciation and became something i'd spend days listening to on loop, enjoying the ride from start to finish, it's a seriously good album, and if you wanna hear where some of that 90s rock dynamic came from, this and Surfer Rosa are considered some of the most notable precursors to it, so there you have it. give it a listen!

CLUBE DA ESQUINA

(By Milton Nascimento & Lô Borges)

LINK TO "Tudo O Que Você Podia Ser" FROM THE ALBUM (10 VIDEOS PER POST LIMIT LOL)

I struggle to choose a singular song to link, because every part of this album is crafted with such intricate musicianship and mix matching of Brazilian tradition with a foreign, beatles-esque flavor which is so smoothly and lovingly woven into the entire record. It's an absolute must for anyone interested in the music of Brazil, and one of my absolute favorite albums of all time. i recommend this one to every person i discuss music with, it's a seriously outstanding achievement of an album. give it a listen.

CENTER OF ATTENTION

(By InI)

LINK TO "No More Words" FROM THE ALBUM

I am a HUGE fan of the Jazz Rap style developed in the east coast during the 90s, and InI's shelved debut is one of those crowning examples i now look to when introducing people to the style. Right from the start the album sets you in it's laid back vibe, with it's nice groovy beats that tastefully sample old jazz records in a way that really adds to the album's whole atmosphere. Great album, give it a try.

DUMMY

(By Portishead)

LINK TO "Sour Times" FROM THE ALBUM

While regrettably not having listened to the rest of their output, this album still manages to blow me away every single time i listen to a song off it. There's something so lovable about the gloomy atmosphere paired with those spy movie ass guitars and absolutely breathtaking vocals. every member plays such a strong part in the album's atmosphere to the point you can pay attention to just one component and still be interested the whole way through. this album is so fucking good. give it a listen

SPEAKERBOXXX / THE LOVE BELOW

(By OutKast)

LINK TO "Church" FROM THE FIRST SIDE OF THE ALBUM

LINK TO "Love Hater" FROM THE SECOND SIDE OF THE ALBUM

Outkast has always been one of my favorites in rap, but i never took the time to listen to their biggest project, the double album Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, which is kind of two solo albums from Big Boi and Andre 3000 (in that order) packaged as an Outkast album, but god damn, they made it work really well.

EVERY single song in this album is a fucking banger (GhettoMusick being one of my favorites), the only thing holding it down are some skits that, while some of them are pretty funny, still leave you just wanting to get to the next track, but anyone who's listened to enough rap albums already knows how this stuff goes (first wu-tang album, anyone?)

One of my favorite rap albums, give it a shot, i guarantee at least 3 songs from it will be stuck in your head after.

PAUL'S BOUTIQUE

(By Beastie Boys)

LINK TO "The Sounds of Science" FROM THE ALBUM

Another one of such cases where every song is a banger, the songs are all so fucking awesomely creative i can't help but have a wide smile on my face every time i listen, the crazy amount of samples in this album really makes it quite a unique listen, especially as a Beatles fan which means The Sounds Of Science is enough whiplash to give J.K. Simmons a run for his money

Really fun album, give it a shot

MELLON COLLIE AND THE INFINITE SADNESS

(By The Smashing Pumpkins)

LINK TO "Tales Of A Scorched Earth" FROM THE ALBUM

I've been a moderate Smashing Pumpkins fan since i was a kid, with Siamese Dream being a favorite, and Drown being one of my favorite songs of all time at that point, but i never took the time to listen to the album that followed it, partly due to it being so massive, but once i took the plunge i spent the next 2 hours sitting in my chair absolutely floored by every song that came my way. This is a seriously impressive album from start to finish and it's one i'll cherish for years to come, every song feels like it's earned it's place, with both the soft and hard songs being equally interesting and ear catching.

Outstanding album, give it a listen.

THE FAT OF THE LAND

(By The Prodigy)

LINK TO "Breathe" FROM THE ALBUM

I'm usually not much of an electronic music guy, but this album really caught my attention after watching Dario Casali's playthrough of Half-Life of all things, where he said he would frequently listen to The Prodigy during development, so i decided to give it a shot, having heard some of their music (Particularly in the film Kick-Ass) and i spent the next week or so religiously listening to this album on loop, it's so endlessly replayable and just fun to listen to that i instantly became hooked. Aside from that, there's not much to say, it's a very fun, energetic album, give it a shot.

THE ENTIRE FUCKING SYSTEM OF A DOWN DISCOGRAPHY

(By...yeah)

LINK TO "Soil" FROM "System Of A Down"

LINK TO "Prison Song" FROM "Toxicity"

LINK TO "Fuck the System" FROM "Steal This Album!"

LINK TO "Radio / Video" FROM "Mezmerize"

LINK TO "Vicinity Of Obscenity" FROM "Hypnotize" (not sure why people dislike this one?)

Same deal as SWANS, too much to talk about, shoot me a dm about it if you're really that curious, i don't mind.

ALL OF IT IS FUCKING GREAT. GIVE THEM A LISTEN. ENOUGH SAID

F♯ A♯ ∞

(By Godspeed You! Black Emperor)

LINK TO "East Hastings" FROM THE ALBUM

It's hard for me to put into words what listening to this album for the first time did for me. It's one of the most atmospheric, wonderful things i've ever had the pleasure of listening to, all 3 songs in this masterpiece keep me entranced until the very last second, including the very unnecessarily long silence at the end of Providence for the hidden song. I have yet to listen to their next album, which i've been told by a mutual is even better, so i'm very excited for that. Give this one a listen.

MARQUEE MOON

(By Television)

LINK TO "See No Evil" FROM THE ALBUM

god i am not a fan of this album cover

that being said, this album is a pretty nice, post punkish record which reminds me a lot of 80s Talking Heads, but i don't have much to say about it. it's simply a good album, and i recommend it heavily. give it a shot

THE UNNATURAL WORLD

(By Have A Nice Life)

LINK TO "Guggenheim Wax Museum" FROM THE ALBUM

I fucking love Deathconsciousness, but stayed at that album for a while, until, for whatever reason, during my initial playthrough of Dark Souls 1 (great game, by the way, enjoyed it lots) i decided to give it a spin and wound up listening to it for basically the rest of the game. It has this gloomy vibe HANL is known for, but it feels like its played a lot more straight than Deathcon, it feels darker, i dunno.

Very good follow-up, even if i think the previous album is overall stronger, this one is still a great listen

LEAVES TURN INSIDE YOU

(By Unwound)

LINK TO "Radio Gra" FROM THE ALBUM

I regrettably struggle to find much to say about this album, which is a shame because i really do love it a lot.

It has this sound that is at times reminiscent of Slint, which made me immediately fall in love, while still standing out as it's own thing, it's a very good fucking album from start to finish, but that's all i can say about it really, i need to listen to it more, and Unwound's other stuff.

Big recommendation right here

FRANKENCHRIST

(By Dead Kennedys)

LINK TO "MTV - Get Off The Air" FROM THE ALBUM

Dead Kennedys is one of my favorite bands (Old Testament DK anyways, Dead Kennedys without Jello is kinda wack, sorry!), and their previous album, Plastic Surgery Disasters remains one of my favorite punk rock records to date, but i had not yet listened to the latter half of their discography, something i now regret, since it's equally as good.

Frankenchrist is a bit of detour from PSD's VERY harsh sound, sounding a little more rounded, less noisy if that makes sense, but Jello Biafra's biting social commentary and witty writing remains intact through it all and makes for an album as entertaining and awesome as the rest of their work. Seriously great, listen to it.

MAGGOT BRAIN

(By Funkadelic)

LINK TO "Maggot Brain" FROM THE ALBUM

Having started my musical ambitions as an aspiring Funk guitarist (part of why my right hand strums so loosely haha), Funkadelic was always on my radar, with their debut album being one of the albums i listened to the most and looked for inspiration in during the pandemic, but for some reason, i never opted to listen to Maggot Brain until this year, which, as is per usual for albums i dont listen to, was a big fucking mistake, since this album is filled with bangers from start to finish. I love it to death.

An absolute must-listen to any funk rock fans

AT ACTION PARK

(By Shellac)

LINK TO "Crow" FROM THE ALBUM

Being a fan of Steve Albini's work both in production and with Big Black, listening to Shellac eventually was a no-brainer, but i procrastinated on it until a particularly lengthy hospital visit where i had enough time to kill and listened to this album, being taken in by that noisy goodness until the album finished. I struggle to find something to say, but the song structures in this album are so weird and they don't hesitate to stay longer than usual and linger on some chords which gives songs this really punchy vibe i can't describe. Great album.

AND FINALLY....

UNDERTOW

(By TOOL)

LINK TO "Prison Sex" FROM THE ALBUM

I'm a huge fan of TOOL, but never listened to their debut until i saw it on a mutual's top albums list, which convinced me i should give it a shot, and so i did!

...On the fucking last hour of 2023

I shit you not, the album ended in the last fuckign MINUTE of the year. 23:59. Finished listening and immediately got up to await the countdown.

That aside, you can really see how they went from this to Ænima, as it has a lot of the harder parts of that album, with less...esoteric(?) peculiarities inbetween, while still being a really good fucking album and enjoyable from start to finish, there wasn't a single song that had me bored. A worthy album to finish the year with...and this list!

FINALLY finished writing this absolute behemoth of a post, and i hope it at least gets one person to check these albums out.

Here's to a great 2024 for all! Thanks for reading!

[black-arcana]

INTERVIEW – LIV KRISTINE TALKS MUSIC, NEW BEGINNINGS + MORE

If we are honest with ourselves, we may ask… what defines us? A very lofty question to ponder, the truth lies in finding a place between the light and darkness of life, all while still being able to remain grounded on earth. This could mean something different for everyone, but for Liv Kristine salvation is within music, family, and helping others. 

Known by many in the Metal world as the Scandinavian Goth Queen, Kristine has left an impression throughout the last three plus decades of her musical career. First doing so as a part of Theatre of Tragedy, then with Leaves’ Eyes, she has also cleared a path as a solo artist. Taking with her experiences – some good, others bad, and others heartbreaking – Kristine finds deeper meaning in everything as she looks toward the future. 

Recently returning in 2023 with the exceptional, must-listen River of Diamonds album, now in 2024 she reflects on the past with the recently reissued, remastered edition of her 1998 solo debut album Deus Ex Machina. Truly exciting times, Kristine recently took some time to reflect on the trials and tribulations of life, finding a way to see through it, plans for more new music, plus much more. 

Cryptic Rock – A lot has happened over the last decade with you musically, as well as personally. Briefly tell us, how would you describe the past ten years of your life? 

Liv Kristine – Yes. There’s been a lot of change… especially in 2016. That was in mid-end January, the beginning of February 2016, when I was forced to leave Leaves’ Eyes. I was just left with a lot of doubt. I thought – How am I going to continue producing and releasing albums, or go on stage with this frequency of great disappointment? I was very disappointed; because Leave’s Eyes was my baby too. It was all about my Norwegian heritage; it had a concept which was really tightly linked to my own persona and history.

I had to get up again, and of course, take care of my family, moving home, etc. This is to go along with all of the stuff that goes with a divorce… it is just terrible. Those times were really harsh. I knew times were going to be really rough and busy for a couple of years. You always need a couple of years to stabilize after such a traumatic experience. I saw that there definitely had to come something afterwards; something much lighter and brighter.

I worked really hard day by day, having different jobs. Eventually, people kept coming into my life I learned to trust and to embrace. I also met my now real husband, Michael, who asked me the question, “Do you really want to continue singing? Do you want to continue being an artist? Will you ever go on stage again?” As I thought about that question, I really started crying because it’s such a big part of my life. It’s just so personal as well as authentic. There is this deep connection to you all out there.

That frequency kept me going and promised my husband, “Okay, if we do this together, I will continue with what seems to be my way of serving the world, of serving the universe.” At the same time, what came out of those stressful times, and having different jobs, is that I’m now devoted to working with children with special needs. I have a 100% job, next to music, working and supporting children with special needs. I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m really grateful for everything and for any experience. Under the bottom line, that is who I am. It’s due to my experience for which I am so grateful. You guys are still around… it means something. It’s all worth it.

Cryptic Rock – Wow. It sounds like it has been a pretty crazy, turbulent ride. All together, you have a very interesting story to tell that follows your career. There was Theatre of Tragedy, and we know what happened there, and then there was Leaves’ Eyes. It has to be tough to deal with such letdowns. What would you say your key to move forward through the disappointments has been?

Liv Kristine – It’s this inner call that there is this true, authentic version of yourself which really wants to manifest. If you survive tragedies, traumas, really rough situations, and a lot of stress, that’s a clear sign that you’re actually getting closer to your true self.

River of Diamonds, my latest solo album which was released last year, is actually about that path. Seeing the diamonds, seeing the light in the darkness. When do you see the stars and the planets in the horizon, when you look into the universe? It’s only in the darkness.

I think that both experiences, brokenness and beauty, belong to our experience which is called life. It is that time given to us between what we call birth and death. If you manage to survive, as stated, it’s a clear sign that you’re getting closer to your true authentic self.

Theatre of Tragedy – Theatre of Tragedy Theatre of Tragedy – Aegis Massacre (1995) Massacre  (1998)

Cryptic Rock – That is definitely something that you feel when you have children. It is really inspiring to see you have pushed forward through everything. You mentioned the album River of Diamonds. Released last year, it is new, but also harks back to your earlier days. It has a very Theatre of Tragedy sound. Returning to a more Gothic Metal sound, tell us about the creation of this record. 

Liv Kristine – Yes, you’re so right. It’s Tommy Olsson, who is the producer and the composer of the album. Tommy was the guy who composed the third release by Theatre of Tragedy; 1998’s Aégis. Tommy and I both left Theatre of Tragedy… he left just around the period when I was gone. We got together again and it was just something that happened all of a sudden. I’m so grateful that Tommy kept sending me songs; I think I have received about 35 compositions. I was free to choose, to pick, and just to go with the flow.

Tommy has always been very patient with me; because I needed time to get settled, to take care of my family, my jobs, etc. Plus there was everything that happened after 2016… which was the year when Tommy reached out to get in touch. Between 2016 and 2023, when the album was released, a few years passed by, but I needed that time. I needed that space. I needed to really feel the flow of creativity returning to me after a stressful period. Tommy is definitely the right guy to work with going back to that well-known sound of Theatre of Tragedy. It was a great corporation.

Cryptic Rock – It certainly was. If people are not aware of the River of Diamonds, hopefully they are learning about it, because it was one of the biggest surprises of 2023. Will there be further collaboration between you and Tommy?

Liv Kristine – I’m sure there will be. As we are talking now, I began working with new compositions for my seventh solo album. I’m just going with the flow now. I’ll see what comes from Tommy’s side; if he wants to sit down and compose. I know he has a 100% job himself. We’ll see what happens. Sharing this release with Tommy was absolutely magic.

Cryptic Rock – It really is a great listen and hopefully more will come from it. You also recently re-released your debut solo album on March 1st. Released for the first time on vinyl, it is also available as a double CD, which also has some unreleased bonus tracks as well. It’s almost like being reborn in a way, because you have a new life now. Did it feel like this was a great way to revisit the past, be reborn again, and re-show this material to the world?

Liv Kristine – I couldn’t have said it in a better way. Thank you so much. It’s exactly that. I recently turned 48 years old on Valentine’s Day, and I consider myself to be just in the middle of life. It just feels amazing to be here with everything I am and everything I’ve experienced. The work leading to the release of River of Diamonds was like writing a book. I believe, if I hadn’t released the album, I would have released a book.

Now, being just in the middle of everything and feeling better than ever, it’s like a second half of my life has just started. Re-releasing Deus Ex Machina is just the perfect moment to just round it up. Back then in 1998, when Deus Ex Machina was released, I was a student. I was still a singer of Theatre of Tragedy. I had just left Norway, moved to Germany, and I was touring with Theatre of Tragedy. It was a very exciting time.

Being a Norwegian young woman born somewhere in the nowhere of Norway, between the fjords and the mountains, I was then in the middle of everything. The world responds to something you are doing because you love it so much. Everything we did with Theatre of Tragedy was something we really burned for; something that came from the heart. The world starts reacting, and then there is fame and there is success. Obviously, Massacre Records was interested in releasing the solo album, and I’m still grateful for that. It feels like this moment is just perfect for the reissue of Deus Ex Machina.

Cryptic Rock – Agreed, It is a great time to re-release. It is a good way to also reintroduce some people to an album that perhaps they have not heard in a while, or who have not heard at all.

Enter My Religion Liv Kristine – Vervian Reissue Allegro Talent Media (2022) Napalm Records (2014)

Cryptic Rock – That is very interesting. For this re-release, the whole album is also remastered, correct? 

Liv Kristine – Yes. Everything is remastered. As you already mentioned, there is bonus material. We got hold of an old hard disk and we have added a couple of demos from that. We recomposed “Portrait: Ei tulle med øyne blå,” a traditional Norwegian Folk song, which was recomposed by Geir Bratland (the keyboardist of Dimmu Borgir). It’s just perfect because he’s Norwegian too. He knows all about this Norwegian traditional stuff. I’m very happy about that. We changed the artwork, added new pictures, and everything is just perfect now. I’m very happy that we really got hold of the original material for it.

Cryptic Rock – That is great to hear. On top of this, you also have re-released the song “3 AM,” featuring you with Nick Holmes from Paradise Lost, as a single. A great song with clear chemistry between you two, what was it like connecting with Nick? 

Liv Kristine – Absolutely. It was a great honor to work with him. Back then, in 1997-98, I was already a huge fan of Paradise Lost. I remember that cold morning when we picked him up from a tour. He was touring Europe Paradise Lost, they had played a show in Germany, or were about to play a show in Germany. We went there by car with Massacre Records, we knocked on the door of the tour bus, and Nick was a little bit tired. I think because I guess there had been some partying going on after the show. Nick was ready though and was in a good mood. He went with us to the studio, asked for a cup of tea, and a slice of bread with marmalade.

The frequency was just so open-minded and open-hearted at the very first time we met. Later, during the times when touring with Leaves’ Eyes, we toured with Paradise Lost, and it was always a pleasure and an honor to meet Nick again. I really appreciate his direct way, his transparency, and he always being himself. I appreciate that.

Cryptic Rock – Those are great memories. Talking about collaborations, you have done plenty of them through the years. Whether it be for your own material or offering your voice to others’ material such as with Cradle of Filth’s  “Nymphetamine.” Do you enjoy collaborating with others like that?

Liv Kristine – Definitely. In the period when I was really busy fixing my life and taking care of my family, I still got numerous offers to join in on different projects and bands doing corporations. That really helped me financially and also to be present somehow. I wasn’t ready for my own album though. My mind wasn’t clear enough and I was just too stressed out. I’m really grateful for that because there were a lot of opportunities. I have a really long list of which I’m really proud. It all began with Cradle of Filth back then, with “Nymphetamine.” It has continued even up until today. I’m still receiving offers to work with bands and different projects. I love that. It’s a very nice way to be creative in different ways and to have an open mind; because you receive a song, you receive different input, and then you start working with it.

Cryptic Rock – It is very exciting and keeps everything open. You also had collaborations on your latest album, River of Diamonds. You had Fernando Ribeiro from Moonspell on it too. There is also a history with you and Moonspell from touring together.  history there too. 

Leaves’ Eyes – Lovelorn Leaves’ Eyes – Vinland Saga Napalm Records (2004) Napalm Records (2006)

Cryptic Rock – That is great to hear. So you have the re-release of Deus Ex Machina and the new album River of Diamonds out now. You stated that you are already working on new material. What can people expect from that? Is there a timetable for that right now?

Liv Kristine – There is no timetable yet. I don’t really like timetables. I’m very eager to continue song by song. I really like to work track by track to concentrate on each and every one, and then continue with the next. I realized that the lyrics I’m writing are darn honest. I think I need to stick to that; because every solo album I’ve released so far reflects a chapter in my life. I could never do anything else than being authentic. When I recently started writing lyrics, listening to the new tracks, I thought, “Well, there is no other way around. Just go for it. Just go for the soul stuff.” Everything that comes from the soul, that’s it! That’s the words I want to sing, and that’s the messages I want to convey through my music.

Cryptic Rock – When it arrives it will be exciting. As you said, it has to come naturally. 

Liv Kristine – Yes, it has to. I promise you it won’t take six, seven years.

Cryptic Rock – That is good to hear.. Through all of the trials and tribulations, you seem to have a very positive outlook on things. That is a challenge, because people could become bitter when trouble comes their way. There are two directions you could go – you can either become bitter and wallow in your own misery, or you could move forward. You have chosen to move forward. How do you keep that optimism? What is that light for you?

Liv Kristine – Thank you so much. Yes, it’s absolutely true. Of course there are moments when you keep asking those questions that don’t really make sense such as – “Why me?, Why is this always happening to me?” You kind of fall into that victim role. It happens to everyone though, especially when you don’t feel the earth. When you don’t feel grounded anymore, you don’t feel heaven or whatever, you just lose touch with your soul. Then it feels like, “Okay, I’m being delivered on a silver plate, and that’s it. That’s supposed to be my life. I’m just trying to exist. I’m not thriving. I’m not growing.”

For me, what was the instant remedy was actually going out in nature; even if it was just a 10-minute walk with my dog. I realized that I had to work on one thing, and that is not falling into the victim role. Secondly, if something’s hurting in your soul or in your heart, there is no other way around but to go inside. Maybe you would need a good friend. Maybe you would need a sole partner to be with you when you’re doing that. However, when you’re going into the depth of your soul, you will find a lot of darkness. It’s so important to have a really trustful friend around you who doesn’t tell you what you would like to hear. A friend that tells you there is another perspective to things and to situations. It is – A, we can fix this. B, we can fix this. C, we cannot fix this right now, but it’s going to get fixed. I really appreciate my dearest friends. There are a few of them.

Of course there was meeting Michael, my husband and my sole partner. When I was feeling despair and unsafe on this planet, because of all of that stuff going on, I always thought about my son. I always thought about all those moments we have had and all the happy moments we’re going to have and this deep connection between the two of us.

I have to say nature helped me a lot. Motherhood helped me a lot. Falling in love again with my new husband, that helped me a lot. I’ve always been someone who feels deep empathy with other people too. So, during COVID, I started working with other people really trying to heal their traumas; to find ways to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes you just need some practical advice. Sometimes you need some soul advice. You need someone to give you some direction. Sometimes it is just an embracement, a smile, or just asking someone, “How are you? Really, how are you?” It all comes down to getting to know yourself, to go into acceptance, and then to look forwards and take what’s there and use it. It is taking all the experience and using it for what comes. You will feel so whole and rich in the end… and so experienced. It’s a pleasure and honor to help other people out there to see the light in the darkness.

Cryptic Rock – Yes, it is a wonderful thing. We need more of that in the world, especially right now. It seems like the world is off its axis. You mentioned how you feel like you are in the middle of everything at this point. Life is never linear, but if we do something right, it is earning wisdom. What would you say the biggest piece of wisdom you have learned from everything has been?

Liv Kristine – There is so much talk about manifestation now out in the world. People are trying to manifest their happiness. I come to the point which is that – yeah, you can manifest a nice car, you can manifest Gucci glasses, and you can manifest holidays in the Bahamas. However, those are things that make you happy maybe instantly or for shorter periods. You have intentions and you want to manifest them. That’s something you do for the 3D world. That’s the physical world we’re living in.

Then there is another dimension. That is what I would like to call your higher self. That’s where your spirit is and your soul. When you go in there and start manifesting, you start getting in alignment with who you really are. You say – What do I really want to do? For me, it was really knowing that I need to serve the world as a singer, handwriting lyrics, singing words about healing, and that life is both beauty and broken.

I need to go out there and serve the world supporting children with special needs. When I realized that, things started to happen. I got a much better job, people turned to me for comfort, for dissolving their trauma and helping them. You’re sending out these frequencies about who you really are in your soul. When there is resonance to that, and there must be a resonance to that, that’s real growth. That’s the real manifestation.

Liv Kristine – River of Diamonds Liv Kristine – Deus Ex Machina Massacre (2023) Massacre (2024)

Cryptic Rock – Absolutely. It seems from what you are saying that maybe we hold on too tightly at times looking for that happiness.

Liv Kristine – Absolutely. We look around in our 3D world, in the physical world, and that is material-oriented. It might give you some happiness for a while, but it kind of goes away. It dissolves. That might be a burden in the end… what if you’re not able to pay for your big car? (Laughs) It’s very interesting when you tap into this field.

Cryptic Rock – Yes. Just to elaborate further, it is about becoming grounded with nature. Sometimes people think that’s kind of hippie-ish, but maybe you should go run in the grass barefoot for a little while. It connects you with the earth. The connection is real.

Liv Kristine – It is a real feeling. It absolutely is true. I feel that every time I’m going to a certain place in the forest. I’m living in Switzerland with my husband and my family now. There is a spot in the forest where I really think that something is magic and frequencies can reach me. It’s a place of stillness too. I really liked going there. Nature is so important.

I heard somewhere that the pulse or the frequency of love is the same as the frequency of Mother Earth, when we met the frequencies of the Earth. That’s the love frequency. I think there is something to it. Nature is so beautiful. It’s all about love, and that’s where you’ll find oneness and wholeness. It’s so rich.

[yuuana]

Music Monday #214: ATEEZ - Paradigm  release: November 2022 genre: Jpop cw: bright flashing throughout, potential seasickness warning

You know you've missed me and my Kpop nonsense. ;) November was too full of everything and then some, so sure, I have a backlog a mile high, but like I was going to wait on my boys.

This MV is pretty bad for anyone with photosensitivities, so if you just want to hear the song, here's a Spotify link or search on your preferred streaming platform. As a performance version, the video doesn't have the same level of lore clues as more story-driven MVs like Guerrilla or Turbulence, so if you can't watch it, it'll be fine. Theorytiny will be filling in gaps for awhile. ;) The thing with ATEEZ is when they say they're doing something new this next release, we know by now they mean it. Considering that first minute was in all the previews for the album, it wasn't really a surprise when Paradigm opens with that whistling. If Guerrilla was the mating of hard rock with EDM, Paradigm dropped the rock elements to play with blending EDM and lyrical pop elements. So if you're looking for dance-pop with post-apocalyptic pirate vibes, definitely consider adding this to your collection. As much as I'm actually an opponent of the whole "anything but even line distribution is unfair!" brigade and while Jongho definitely gets the most, the distribution feels a lot more even than some other title tracks (in the end, it isn't, but the only line distribution analysis I've seen so far counts seconds a little wonky, counting some "ad libs" but not others). If I didn't know odds were Edenary (of which Hongjoong and Mingi are both a part) initially wrote this no less than six months ago (and probably more like 8-10+), I'd be tempted to look at some of those lyrics and try to apply them to the ongoing BS with Vata/SMF. If this was written as a clapback, it was more likely in response to the previous BS between KQ/ATEEZ and Mnet. "Nobody can stop me"? "Even devils call me up, I don't cheat"? They know how often others have copied their homework. As for the video ... again, performance version means the focus is meant to be on the dance moves. Minimal sets and costumes designed to draw attention to the flares both help with this. The swooping camera moves, not so much, but then again also sort of yes? But the more I watch it, the more I'm wondering if any ATINY might be familiar with Japanese sign language? A lot of those hand/arm moves could just be flares to highlight the musical moment, but a few of them feel like they're intentionally saying something? But I barely know anything in ASL, so I'm not qualified to really go there. And now...the lore paragraph! As I said, this is a performance video, so the lore elements are fewer. Fewer but not none. Again, we're maybe peering at Z-teez, but which one (I still maintain that A and Z are clusters of parallel timelines)? Visually, this feels a lot like a part of the Deja Vu storyline, but there's so little here, it's hard to say, especially when the blue set also feels like a callback to the door we see opening in the Wonderland MV ... which is an A plot. A connection that's further supported by the art on the cover of the EP. A whole new world, a whole new paradigm. The A team walked through that door and after Wonderland came Answer, which could be anywhere (and any time), but shows A-teez (Pirateez) meeting Z-teez (aka Halateez) making their alliance as the end of Treasure era. Does this connection (Paradigm and Wonderland) mean we're back to rolling forward from "now" instead of still in flashbacks? Only time will tell. Of course that particular location has been used by a number of groups over the years, looking for that very same dystopian vibe, but my silly little fangirl brain can't help connecting it to the maze in EXO's Overdose. Because I have a sickness and the only cure is EXOTEEZ. XD The World Ep.Paradigm is out now on all streaming platforms and for physical sale wherever you buy Jpop releases. As an aside, given the year it's been, a part of my heart is grateful to see Mingi wearing the safety pin. Maybe I'm fooling myself, but with ATEEZ's history of vocal support for the LGBTQ+ community, I like to think that was a purposeful choice and not just a fashion statement. And it's Mingi, so it's probably both. Want to see Music Monday deep dives more often? Sponsor a song selection! For the low, low price of one (1) KoFi, I'll write up the song of your choice. ANY song of your choice. Yes, even that one that's been played to death. Yes, your obscure faves too. With sponsors, I can stop skipping weeks and falling further and further behind in the releases! Sponsor a current CB for the next open Music Monday slot or sponsor a throwback for a Thursday feature! But seriously, if you've been enjoying my selections and analyses, we (me and the foster kittens) would love a KoFi in thanks. DW | Twitter | Ko-fi | Patreon | Discord | Twitch

[fanficimagery]

Misery Business pt. I

Imagine moving in with the Molina's after an incident back home. Instead of being angry, you realize this is your second chance to be truly happy and you really hope it goes better than your first attempt.

Words: 6.1K Author's Note: I'm a sucker for three idiot ghost boys which is why I'm back, only in this imagine everyone is alive. Yes that includes Rose Molina as well :) Soulmate!AU too so have fun with that. FYI, Y/N will be "musically talented" but since I can't write music to save my life then "Y/N's music" will come from a little band that goes by the name of Paramore and by James Arthur.

Julie and three of her best guy friends are in the family studio outside, writing and jamming and just having the time of their life. Alex, Reggie, and Luke are about two years older than Julie, but the boys overlooked the teeny tiny age gap because her killer voice was exactly what their band was missing. The entire high school knew exactly who the boys of Sunset Curve were so they were all surprised when they took sophomore Julie Molina under their wing and rebranded their band.

Julie's family was very supportive of her music, especially her mother Rose, and she let Julie and the boys use her studio whenever they wanted so long as they all kept up their grades. They're usually left alone when Julie and Luke are in writing mode, so it's a bit of a surprise to see Ray and Rose entering the studio.

Alex is the first to notice them, nudging Reggie and gesturing to Mr. and Mrs. Molina, and then Reggie tosses a pillow at Luke's head to get his attention. Luke's rather rude remark is on the tip of his tongue, but his eyes widen upon seeing Julie's parents.

"Jules. Julie!" He hisses. "Your mom and dad are here."

"Hmm. What?" Julie finally looks away from her journal, her eyes widening before a beaming smile breaks out. "Mami! Papi. What brings you two here?"

"Hey mija," Ray says. "Can we talk real quick?"

"Of course!"

She glances at the boys and they're quick to start packing up, but Ray gestures for them to stay put. "It's okay, boys. You can stay for this."

Rose smiles. "After all, you are family too."

Every time Rose or Ray mention that the boys are family, they can't help but smile goofily. None of the boys have the type of relationship with their parents that Julie has with hers, so they're all grateful the Molina's accept them as if they were a Molina as well. Julie smiles as the boys, who are all practically older brothers to her, gather around her and Luke to hear what's going on.

On his way further into the studio, Ray grabs a chair for Rose and she takes a seat while Ray stands behind her, gripping the back of her chair. "Okay," he exhales a little roughly, "so you know the drama your cousin went through a few months ago?"

Julie frowns. "Yeah."

"Well it seems Y/N isn't doing so well," Rose says. "Your tía thinks a change of location is what's best for her."

"Y/N wants to move here?"

"Well not exactly," Ray says. "Y/N doesn't know. If we agree to take her in, then Y/N will be told of her relocation."

Julie nods, looking thoughtful. "Okay."

"Okay?" Ray muses. "What does okay mean?"

"Well I'm assuming you're only telling me because you never make a big decision without seeing what me and Carlos think," Julie says and then smiles brightly. "I love Y/N. Carlos loves Y/N, so I know he already voted yes."

Rose chuckles. "He did. I believe his words were I will throw down for Y/N any day of the week. Bring her home."

Julie snorts. "Of course he did." Then after glancing between her mom and dad, she nods with a gentler smile. "Whatever she needs. I'll even decorate the guest bedroom for her."

"That's nice, mija." Ray then looks over the boys, eyes settling on Reggie. "No flirting."

"I- what?"

"No flirting!"

Luke and Alex snort as Reggie gasps in mock outrage, but everyone knows Reggie is the one to flirt first and ask questions later. Ray and Rose laugh as they ready to leave the studio, Rose walking over to kiss her daughter on the temple before disappearing after her husband.

As soon as the teenagers are left alone, the boys whirl on Julie.

"So who's Y/N?" Alex asks, smiling innocently.

"And what was the drama a few months ago?" Luke wonders.

Julie glances between all three boys before sighing. "I'm only telling you this because it's highly likely she'll be coming soon." She has their full attention. "Y/N is my older cousin. Last year she met her soulmate."

"Aww," Alex coos.

"Or so we thought."

His smile immediately falls. "Oh."

Julie cringes. "Yeah. Apparently some new transfer student at her school liked my cousin so much that he decided he wanted to be her one and only. Really creepy dude," she says. "So somehow he figured out what her words were and made sure those were the first words he spoke to her." Their eyes widen. "When she spoke to him in return, he memorized the words and had them tattooed on. Then he refused to let her see the words, under the guise that they were in a private spot she couldn't see until they got to know each other better, until they healed."

"What the hell," Luke breathes. "That such a-"

"Dick move," Reggie mutters.

Alex nods in agreement. "Yeah. What they said."

Julie smiles sadly at her friends. "She was with him for a year before he met his real soulmate and then he tried to juggle them both. Y/N was really torn up about it."

"Who wouldn't be?" Alex says. "That is so messed up."

"It is. But if there's one thing I know about my cousin it's that she doesn't want people to tiptoe around her." Julie grins then. "So be yourselves like you are with me, just don't flirt with her."

Alex stares down his two guy best friends until they huff and nod in agreement. "I think they can handle that."

Stepping out of the Uber in front of your tío's house, you're grateful you stopped being annoyed with your mom for making you move long enough to accept the money she transferred into your bank account. The ride from the airport to the Molina household wasn't exactly a cheap one and you regretted not letting your family pick you up when you saw what you owed.

But now you're here, one duffel bag hanging from your shoulder and a medium-sized suitcase sitting by your feet. You only have a moment to take it all in before the front door is opening, and your tío and tía are exiting the house to greet you.

"You're here!" Rose smiles and is quick to pull you into a hug. "How was your flight?"

"Decent. Just a little turbulence. I might have barfed. Twice."

Rose and Ray laugh, and then Ray's tugging you into a hug of his own. "We're so glad to have you, mija. Julie and her friends have just about finished with your room. They're really excited to have you here."

"And I'm excited to be here." Pulling out of the hug, you're met with two identical expressions that practically say Are you really?. "Well now I am." All three of you chuckle. "I was a little upset at the short notice, but I'm totally over it. I am a little tired though, so yeah."

"Oh. Of course. Just head on up, mija. You know where the guest bedroom is," Rose says. "Ray and I need to go get some groceries for tonight. Does arroz con pollo sound good?"

You groan quietly. "It sounds fantastic. My mom could never quite make it like you do."

Ray laughs. "Well my sister is not the cook she claims to be. Now go on. Rest up and we'll see you for dinner."

As Ray and Rose take their leave, you grab your suitcase and drag it inside behind you. You can hear laughter coming from upstairs so that's where you head towards, and you're not surprised to see Julie, Flynn, and who appears to be Julie's bandmate Alex tacking up some fairy lights and draping them across your headboard. The bedroom, which was usually bare except for the bed and dresser, has many of your personal things scattered about that had been shipped a little over a week ago now. However the sheer black curtains, the maroon comforter bed set, and the lights they're hanging up are all new.

"A-hem." You clear your throat, smiling when all three teens freeze and turn towards you. "Are you guys seriously having fun without me?" The blonde boy grins as the two girls squeal, you dropping your duffel bag next to your suitcase just as Julie and Flynn launch themselves at you. Your arms are spread wide as they wrap themselves around you and you bring your own arms down around their shoulders to squeeze them in return. "Did you girls miss me?"

"Uh duh!" Flynn is the first to retort.

Julie pulls back just enough to look you in the face. "We're going to have so much fun."

"So much." You can't help but chuckle, your attention then sliding to the quiet blonde. "Alex, right?"

He smiles. "Yeah. Hi. It's nice to meet you."

"You too, man. I keep up with the band on Youtube and can I just say that you absolutely kill it on the drums? I mean holy shit. You're awesome!"

Alex blushes as Julie points at him. "See! Own your awesomeness. My cousin thinks you're cool, therefore you are cool."

Both girls finally release you, Flynn stumbling back to sit on the edge of what is now your bed. Julie stays right where she's at, arm wrapped around your waist as you both stare at her bandmate. You nod and smile at him. "You really are. We definitely need to jam some time."

Alex seems to perk up then. "Y-You're into music too?"

Flynn snorts. "The Molina's are all freakishly talented. I'm almost jealous."

You roll your eyes fondly at Flynn. "Shush. You're talented in other areas." Then looking at Alex, you grin. "I sing and write. Not as amazing as Julie, of course, but I can hold my own. I like to perform-"

"Just not in front of an audience," Julie muses.

"-and just let go. The rush of it all feels good." You turn to pout at your cousin. "And yeah, not in front of an audience of strangers." You stare at Alex once more. "Friends and family is fine, just not like a legit stage. I'll projectile vomit like that one girl in Pitch Perfect." All three teens snort, that movie having been popular with all of them.

Alex then grins. "We'll definitely have to jam then once you're settled in."

A brief moment of silence descends upon the room, but Flynn is not having it. She claps her hands once, garnering everyone's attention. "So before we get comfortable, lets address the elephant in the room." You groan as she smiles broadly. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine, guys."

"Really? Your sudden move states otherwise."

"Flynn!" Julie scolds. Alex seems to freeze, his gaze darting between you and Flynn.

Flynn grimaces as she seems to think she's crossed a line, but you merely roll your eyes. "What exactly did my mom tell your dad?" You turn to ask Julie.

"Um," she gulps and fidgets in place. "I was just told that you weren't doing so good after everything that happened."

You snort. "Seriously?" Julie nods and you chuckle, shaking your head. "Guys, I'm fine. Honestly! I got over the heartbreak like a week after it happened and then I was just pissed off. But my friends helped me realize some things and I'm good now."

"But then why did your mom say you weren't?" Julie wonders.

"I love my mom, but she's a moron," you say. You drag Julie over to your bed, kicking off your shoes along the way and crawl to sit against the headboard. Julie does the same and you gesture for Alex to join Flynn at the foot of your bed. He does, smiling to be included. Once everyone's settled, you say, "So Jerry, who was the guy pretending to be my soulmate," you explain for Flynn and Alex, "has been trying to get in contact with me ever since I blocked him on everything I could. A couple weeks ago while I was out partying with some friends, Jerry and his soulmate were at the same party I was at. I didn't notice them, but they noticed me and they somehow managed to come up with the idea that I was stalking them."

"What a bitch," Flynn immediately blurts. Alex nods along with her.

"Anyway, Jerry's soulmate confronted me and I was completely blindsided by how angry she was with me. I mean, Jerry's the one who tricked me! Not the other way around." You shake your head in annoyance. "She made some hella stupid accusations and she threw a punch."

Julie gasps. "She didn't!?"

"She did. Now I'm not stupid, so I let her hit me a couple of times before I took my first swing. Fortunately for me, she clawed me," you pull your shirt down to show them three marks just above your cleavage, "and she was arrested when the cops got there. After giving my statement and getting statements from the witnesses, they determined I acted in self defense and let me go home. Mom took the little altercation as me spiraling and acting out, so she shipped me off."

"Jesus," Julie sighs. "That's messed up."

"It really is. But oh well. What happened, happened, and now I get to live with my favorite people."

All four of you laugh before Alex gestures towards your chest, sobering up some. "I have some cream that you can use so it'll fade the scars. My soulmate likes to skateboard and he gets pretty banged up every now and then so I keep a stash of that stuff for him."

You smile fondly at him. "Yes, please. The first time my real soulmate sees the girls," you shimmy your chest just the slightest, "I don't want him to see my battle wounds."

Julie swats you with the back of your hand and you laugh at her exasperated expression as the other two break down into giggles.

Lounging around in your room, you ask Julie about her other two bandmates but Alex tells you they had family obligations they couldn't get out of. Carlos gets dropped off by his friend's mom and he joyously jumps onto the middle of the bed when he realizes you're finally there. So that's how Ray and Rose find the five of you, laughing and joking in your new room before dinner is ready and making plans to hang out the following day when everyone could meet up.

After explaining to your tío and tía the real reasoning your mother had you sent away, it was like a weight was lifted off their shoulders and they were more at ease in your presence. You laughed at their sheepishness, at how they thought they had a rightfully heartbroken teenager on their hands with no clue how to ease said heartache. But when all was said and done, everyone seemed to be themselves around you.

Alex had shown up that afternoon, soulmate in tow, and immediately you asked to play with Willie's hair. Both boys had laughed, Willie agreed and readily sat on the floor between your knees as Julie and Alex Facetimed Flynn about any upcoming open mic nights they could book. Willie had a box of random hair supplies in his lap and you saw how he kept running his fingers over a feather and some small silver hoops. Without even asking him, you grabbed a couple of silver hoops, a feather, and set them aside. You had him tilt his head and he did so without questions, closing his eyes as you started to part and section the hair on the right side of his head. Alex smiled every time he looked over at the two of you and you happily gave Willie three thin braids about five inches long before letting the rest of his hair hang loose. The two outer braids had the silver hoops clipped in and the braid in the middle held the feather you had braided in with a thin leather cord. When you were finished and then combed out Willie's hair one last time, you told him you were done and had to bite back a laugh at the way Alex gulped. Willie eagerly went to check himself out in the mirror, beaming at his reflection before turning around and pulling you into a hug.

While your tío Ray and tía Rose worked, and Carlos spent time at his friend's house, you and Julie ordered in some pizza for yourselves, Alex, and Willie. They had no plans at all for the day so the four of you went out to Rose's studio garage when Flynn finally showed up.

Flynn has the bright idea to do karaoke, pulling out the equipment and setting up a laptop Julie had in the studio for this occasion.

Flynn killed it on Nicki Minaj's Starships, you and Julie sang Mamma Mia and were joined by a very enthusiastic Alex. Willie absolutely refused to sing, but that was okay because he knew the choreography for Backstreet Boys Everybody and you eagerly pulled him up to dance with yourself and Julie. Tío Ray and Tía Rose showed up with Carlos in tow, and you and Julie laughed joyously as her parents sang through Journey's Don't Stop Believin'.

Everyone was laughing and having a good time, but as the sun was going down the parental figures went inside to talk through dinner ideas and clean up a little.

You ask Julie if she has any originals you have yet to hear, but as she goes to go grab a journal Alex speaks up. "What about you? You said you wrote, right? I need to hear an original."

"I, uh, sure." You shrug. You turn towards Julie, eyeing the laptop. "Are my instrumentals still on there?"

She grins. "Yeah. Can I choose?"

"Go for it." You get up to go see which song of yours she's going to choose, smiling softly when you see her choice. Alex is practically bouncing in his seat, Willie is shaking his head at him in fond amusement, and Flynn looks torn between recording with her phone. When you nod at her, she beams and gets ready to hit record on her phone.

"So before Julie hits play, I just want you guys to know I wrote this song while I was Jerry. He absolutely loathed it when he first heard it because he thought I was singing about someone else." You huff a laugh. "The song was honestly about a couple on a TV show I got fixated on, but he didn't believe me. So anyway, I might be a little rusty, but Julie loves it so here goes nothing.

Julie hits play. The violin starts and you smirk when you see Alex's eyebrows raise. Then the drums, guitar, and bass kick in and his eyes widen just as his jaw drops when your attitude completely changes.

"I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top. She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock. It's a matter of time before we all run out. When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth."

You keep singing, singing to Julie, but then it goes silent before the chorus kicks in and you find yourself back to back with your cousin as she joins you. "Woah, it was never my intention to brag. To steal it all away from you now. But God, does it feel so good 'cause I got him where I want him now. And if you could, then you know you would 'cause God, it just feels so.. It just feels so good."

Willie whoops and you laugh your way through the next few lines, rocking your shoulders and even throwing in a couple of head bangs for good measure.

But then the music quiets just so and you face the boys. "I watched his wildest dreams come true and not one of them involving you. Just watch my wildest dreams come true. Not one of them involving.." You head bang now, twisting your head back and forth so your hair wildly flips back and forth. Julie plays the air guitar and you're laughing, having made yourself dizzy in the process. But then as one particular part comes up, you sidle up to Julie's side, your face just inches from the side of her own face as she stares forward. "Woah I never meant to brag, but I got him where I want him now."

Your chest aches from putting your all into your own song, sweat beading at your hairline as you jump around dancing. You're exhausted by the end of the song, but it's well worth it to see Alex's gobsmacked expression.

The studio falls silent, but it's Willie and Flynn who jump to their feet. Their utter amazement and joyfulness makes you a little sheepish, but then Alex is standing to his feet. "Holy shit."

"Right?" Julie cackles. "I've been begging her to play live with us for one song, but she won't."

"Are you frickin' kidding me?!" The new voice has your head snapping in it's direction, the boy in a leather jacket and red flannel wrapped around his waist staring at you in wonder. "What is it with you Molina's and your musical talents?"

Your face flames at his praise, eyes then darting to the boy with shaggy hair and a sleeveless shirt gaping at you. You chuckle nervously and Julie wraps an arm around your shoulders, grinning as she introduces you. "And here we have Reggie and Luke. Guys, this is my cousin Y/N."

"Dude, will you marry me?" Luke's words make everyone laugh out loud, but you freeze.

Julie, having felt you tense up, stares at you. "Y/N? Are you-"

But you cut her off, eyes solely on Luke as you say, "Bro, don't call me dude." Your mocking tone makes Flynn snort.

Not only is it Luke's turn to freeze, but so do Alex and Reggie. Their eyes widen as they stare between you and Luke, your heart beating triple when you realize just who this is.

"Oh my god," Alex mutters.

"Oh my god!" Reggie exclaims, smile instantly beaming.

"OH MY GOD!" Julie shouts, arm tightening around your shoulder. "Did he just- did you just say.." You nod, your breathing becoming a little erratic. Julie notices and turns you so she grips you by the shoulders and you're staring directly into her face. "Hey, it's okay. You're fine. Luke's one of the good ones."

You gulp. "I- it's not that," you murmur. "But he said.. and I need to see-"

Before you can finish, the presence of said boy is right next to you and Julie. You startle at his appearance, but then he's holding out his arm between you and your cousin and you glance down to see the words that have been stamped into his skin since the day of his birth. There on the space just below the crease of his elbow are the words bro, don't call me dude.

You laugh, a little wetly, but no one dares to call you out on it. Instead, you turn and lift your shirt so he can see his own words stamped on your ribs. A faint touch has you flinching away and giggling, and Julie snorts as you pout at Luke who seems to realize you're ticklish.

"OH MY GOD! YOU GUYS ARE SOULMATES!" Flynn shouts. "THIS IS SO COOL!"

And just like that the tension is broken, everyone laughing and cheering. You're having trouble holding Luke's gaze, his crinkled eyes and swoon-worthy smile making you want to reach out and hug him. So when you see his fingers twitch and tap out a beat against his leg before he clenches his fists closed, you cave and pull him into a hug. He hesitates a moment before he sighs, wrapping his arms tightly around you in return.

"Hey. ¿Qué está pasando? (What's going on?) Rose wonders. Apparently the cheering had caught tía Rose and tío Ray's attention.

You and Luke break apart, but your arms remain touching as you both stare at Julie's parents like you'd been caught doing something wrong. And since the two of you can't seem to form words, Julie giggles before filling them in. "Luke and Y/N are soulmates. They said each other's words."

Ray and Rose immediately look at you in shock, and you can feel your face heating up. Slowly, you smile at your tía's concerned expression and immediately she's beaming as she makes a beeline for you. "Mija! That's wonderful news." You laugh as she hugs you and then laugh even harder when you see your tío Ray clamp a hand down on Luke's shoulder. Then releasing you and turning towards Luke, tía Rose smiles as she opens her arms wide before moving in to hug him. "I'm happy for you too, mijo. Welcome to the family." Then pulling back, she says, "Not that you weren't already part of the family, but you know."

Luke chuckles, ears turning red. "Thanks, Mrs. Molina."

"Well this is a cause for celebration," Ray says. "Anyone feeling up to pasta?" Julie, Flynn, and Reggie all whoop in unison. "You going to join us, Willie?"

Willie, never usually around for long periods of time with Julie's family, is surprised to be invited. Alex beams at his soulmate and Willie knows he can't say no. "Sure, Mr. Molina. Thanks for the invite."

"Great," Rose smiles. "Well now that that's settled, I'm going to go make a reservation so we don't give the hostess a stroke when we all walk in. Everyone has two hours before we leave."

Tía Rose and tío Ray congratulate you and Luke one last time before they take their leave. Everyone follows after them, excitingly talking outfit choices, but Reggie remains by the opened doors smiling between you and Luke. A second later, Alex returns and marches a reluctant Reggie away.

Now that it's just you and Luke, the two of you laugh nervously.

"So.."

"So.." You both laugh nervously again and then you're groaning. "This is so weird, but like I'm also really excited."

Luke loses some of his nerves and his shoulders slump. "Really? You're excited?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

He turns sheepish then, averting his gaze as he shoves his hands into the front of his jean's pockets. "Julie might have explained the shitty thing your ex did and yeah. I would understand if you weren't stoked to meet me on your second day here."

He's so genuine in his explanation that you can't help but mentally swoon at this boy before you. You're not sure where the sudden confidence comes from, but you're grateful for it when you step closer and take his face in the palm of your hands so he's staring right at you. "Okay one, my mother didn't properly explain why she moved me here. I'll fill you in later, but I'm telling you right now it's not because I'm heartbroken or anything. And two, I am stoked to meet you. You wanna know why?" Luke can only nod as he pays close attention and you grin at him. "Because the moment realization sunk in, everything just felt.. it felt-"

"Right?" He asks, voice low.

You nod. "It felt right. There was no uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach, there was just elation. Like I found something I didn't know I was looking for until you uttered the words etched on my ribs."

Luke slowly smiles and you let your hands fall to your sides, leaning in and quickly kissing his cheek. "Now come on. We need to get ready for tonight."

His cheeks turn red almost immediately, but you don't say anything as you grab his arm and drag his hand from his pocket. Then clasping his hand within your own, you drag him out of the studio and up towards the house.

Dinner was quite the affair, everyone pushing you and Luke next to one another at the table and cooing over how adorable you two were. Even his parents, Emily and Mitch, had been invited along and everyone smiled throughout the entire dinner. The table was quite loud, but not a single customer nearby or the waitresses could blame you when Reggie loudly explained that they were celebrating newly found soulmates. There was even applause that had you and Luke turning red in the face and then trying to aim a kick at Reggie's shin under the table. Unfortunately, Alex took the brunt of both kicks.

When the weekend was over, Luke and the boys stood by your side on your first day of school. The band had quite the following and those fangirls of theirs were not impressed to see you and Luke hand-in-hand. It was a bit daunting navigating the hallways with a majority of the school's population looking down their nose at you, but then Julie, Flynn, and surprisingly Carrie Wilson (your cousin's arch-nemesis) came to your aide. You understood Julie and Flynn's protectiveness, but Carrie's was a shock and she merely flipped her hair over her shoulder while giving the excuse that no one should be shit on just because they found their soulmate. The girls were stunned, but shrugged it off and let Carrie do what Carrie wanted to do.

Tía Rose and tío Ray saw a lot more of Luke at their home, but didn't put up any fuss. The only thing they asked was that if they were alone in the room, then the bedroom door was to remain open at all times. And not wanting to disappoint them, you and Luke abided by their rules. Because being with Luke.. it was the complete opposite than being with Jerry. There were no nerves, no second guessing, and no jealousy. You were happy to be with Luke and vice versa, and either of you could go out with friends with no twenty questions about who you were going with and where (Jerry seriously did a number on you).

You became Julie and the Phantoms number one fan, alongside Willie and Flynn, and sat up in the loft with Willie while the band rehearsed downstairs. The times you did go downstairs after rehearsals and Luke bounded over to you like an eager puppy, you had to fight the urge to chuck something at Reggie and Julie when they cooed over how cute you were together.

Luckily for you, Luke wasn't into PDA other than hand holding or hugs. But it still didn't stop your friends from mockingly groaning for you to get a room when Luke would hug you from behind and stay there with his chin hooked over your shoulder.

Today is one of the rare days the band left Luke alone so he could spend the time with you, but you're stuck doing Algebra II homework and Luke is going through one of your old writing journals for abandoned lyrics to give him inspiration.

You've been stuck on the same problem for what feels like twenty minutes when you hear Luke sharply inhale. You glance up at him, watching him read through something that's clearly caught his attention. You can't help but grin at his look of concentration and then his expression falls and your heart suddenly aches.

Luke glances up and you gulp. "What's this?"

"What's what?"

He glances back down at the journal in his hands before looking at you once more. "Something titled Train Wreck. It looks like a completed song."

Your expression completely goes lax then. "Oh. That's, uh, I wrote that a while back when my mom and dad were going through their divorce." You close the math book in your lap and hesitantly meet Luke's gaze. "That was not a fun time for all involved. My mind was kind of.. messed up back then."

Luke gulps. "I don't want to seem inconsiderate of what clearly was a dark time for you, but this- this is really good, Y/N. Do you have a melody for it?"

You huff a laugh, shaking your head in fond amusement. Only Luke would be this invested in a song. "I do. I think it's on the laptop in a password protected file.."

His eyes light up. "Can I hear it? You don't have to, I just-"

"It's fine." You get up, heading over to the laptop and powering it up to find what you need. After a bit of searching, you find it and open it up. Letting the melody play, you look up at Luke. "I won't sing the whole thing, but I'll sing a portion of it."

He eagerly nods. "I'll take anything."

You smile at him, nervously taking a seat on a crate in the middle of the room. He finds another crate and places it close to you, wanting to be as close as possible. You close your eyes, smiling, and let the melody wash over you as the lyrics come back to you in a flash. Your heart beat is beating double, but you inhale deeply and let it out slowly.

Losing yourself to the music, you mouth the lyrics to yourself until letting your voice ring out. "Underneath our bad blood, we've still got a sanctum. Home, still a home, still a home here. It's not too late to build it back 'cause a one in a million chance is still a chance, still a chance and I would take those odds."

You open your eyes, chest aching as all those feelings from so long ago come rushing back and make your voice just that much stronger. "Unbreak the broken, unsay these spoken words. Find hope in the hopeless, pull me out of the train wreck." Luke grabs your hand and you squeeze it for all your worth as you keep looking forward. "Unburn the ashes, unchain the reactions now. I'm not ready to die, not yet. Pull me out of the train wreck. Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out."

You meet Luke's gaze then, a little surprised to see his eyes red rimmed and teary through your own blurry vision. "You can say what you like, don't say I wouldn't die for it. I'm down on my knees and I need you to be my God, be my help, be a Savior who can-"

Your voice cracks on the next word and Luke tugs on your hand, pulling you into a hug. A sob escapes your throat as you cling to Luke, but you quickly stifle it against his shoulder. As the melody plays out, you press your forehead to his shoulder before pushing back and sniffling. "I, uh, I'm sorry about that. Everything came rushing back and I-"

"Don't apologize." Luke catches your face in the palm of his hands, thumbs brushing away your tears before his lips press against your forehead. The action is so soft that your expression crumples momentarily, but you quickly mask it when Luke pulls back to catch your gaze. "That was amazing, Y/N! So amazing. And I'm sorry it brought up bad memories, but.. wow."

You huff a laugh, pulling back so you aren't hunched over. Luke, however, refuses to stop touching you and catches your hands within his own. "I should have guessed you'd be easily impressed."

"For you? Always."

You shake your head, grinning. "You're so freakin' cheesy, Luke Patterson."

He chuckles and again you're hit with a sudden boost of confidence that you lean forward, one hand finding the back of his neck so you can bring him to meet you halfway in a kiss. He smiles against your mouth, but the smile quickly falls the second you tilt your head to deepen the kiss. Unfortunately, just as the tip of your tongue flicks against his bottom lip, you're interrupted.

"Can we come in now?" Reggie's voice rings out. "I really wanna give Y/N a hug after hearing that song."

"Reggie!" Julie scolds.

You and Luke pull apart laughing. You both straighten up and look towards the door just in time to see Reggie rubbing at the back of his head as he walks in with Alex and Julie behind him. Hand in hand, you and Luke stand up and chuckle at Reggie's put out expression.

Had you known that having a soulmate felt exactly as you feel right now, you would have known something was definitely up back home with Jerry. And though you will always hate your ex for tricking you the way he did, there's an ounce of gratefulness for the misery he put you through because had he not then you wouldn't have moved and met your true soulmate.

[countessofravenclaw]

The LoveFriendship square ~ ala the fandom

So well... I am graduating today from upper-secondary school and my original goal was to release the final MOT chapter on this day, but clearly, that did not end up happening so I'm bringing you this instead.

Lets all celebrate together with this lighthearted story about the time when Matteo accidentally ended up describing his new songwriting partner with very similar word to what he once had said about his girlfriend

This fic was inspired by this fic by @weirdthoughtsandideas

“So we have been talking a lot about your music and artistic processes, but let's talk about the man behind it all. Let's talk about the Real Matteo Balsano.” 

“Well, what do you want to know?” Matteo chuckled. He was sitting at his computer having a Zoom interview with a famous Italian Youtuber Isabella Montro about his recent album. 

“Give us just a small peek behind the curtain.” Isabella’s mischievous smile grew. “For example… Do you have a girlfriend or are you flying solo?”

“You never fly solo in the music industry. I am lucky to be blessed with a very large and supportive network of friends, and even family—biological and otherwise. But I’m not gonna get into that right now.”

“But every musician needs that special someone,” Isabella continued, obviously noticing that Matteo had dodged the actual question. “Come on, Matteo. You’re known for your love songs. You can’t tell me those top hits aren’t about someone.”

Matteo stayed silent for a moment. It was clear that he couldn’t just weasel his way out of this, he knew Isabella too well. She was known to get the darkest secrets out of anybody. He had been able to dodge the question before, with some other interviews, but Isabella was as persistent as Jazmin at times, especially if there was some hot gossip to be had… An indirect answer would just make her more suspicious, and this would definitely come up thousands and thousands of times after this. “Okay, you got me,” he said aloud. “I do have a girlfriend.”

“There we go.” Excitement and relief seemed to flood her body. “Can we get a name? Who’s the lucky girl?”

“No.” The answer was straightforward. After a very turbulent three years, Matteo had finally gotten together with Luna definitively, and they had vowed to work hard for their love. They had been together for over a year now, and having been made wiser from their past mistakes, they had made the decision to keep their relationship private as Matteo’s career took off. They might let the world know someday, when they were ready, but this was not the day. But since they knew Matteo was going to be asked this question millions of times, they had agreed that his fans would get to know that Matteo was taken, but still keep Luna’s identity out of the media. 

“Come on, can we at least know something about her?”

“Well, all I can say is that we met in high school, I love her very much, and I look forward to working with her.” Matteo’s upcoming tour was meant to pay some homage to his skating past, so some freestyle skating would be added to the choreography. The timing had been perfect, as Luna and Ramiro—the only ones from their Roller crew who had kept actively skating and gone professional—had finished their recent competition and would be able to come to join him on the tour. “She makes me a better person every day.”

“Oooh, what kind of project are you working on together? Is she a musician too?”

“Can’t tell you,” Matteo answered. “The project is top secret, but all will be revealed in due time.”

“There we have it! Thank you, Matteo, for talking to me, and I hope we can do this again soon.”

“And thank you, Isabella. It has been a pleasure talking to you. And don’t forget that the tickets for my tour come to sale very soon!”

The interview was up on Isabella Montro’s channel later that day, and, as was to be expected, Matteo’s fans went crazy about the new details in the comment section.

expelliarmusrevelatio: So he does have a girlfriend.

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Aww, I’m kind of sad. It would have been so much hotter if he had been single.

Argonkind: I wonder why he didn’t tell us who she is?

TuPrincesa: Maybe they want to keep it private?

Argonkind: Yeah, I know. I don’t want to pry, but I can’t help but be curious. Is she Italian too?

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: He said they met in school. I looked it up and he studied at  Blake South College in Buenos Aires. I am willing to bet she’s Argentinian. 

TooTiredToFunction: There had to have been hundreds of students in that school while he studied there, it’s impossible to know which of them she is.

ILovePizza: Can we get our hands on the graduate list from the year he graduated?

Siri_5488: What would that do? No one has said that she is the same age. She could be older or younger than he is.

**

“And here we have Matteo Balsano, one of this year’s rising Italian artists.” Matteo was stopped by a reporter on the red carpet of the annual Italian Valentino Bucchi awards. “Tell me, what are you nominated for this evening?”

“For sitting on my seat,” he joked. “I have just been invited, no nomination as you know —yet. But you can dream right.”

“Well, we are thrilled to have you here nonetheless. But let's talk about your new album that just debuted this week. Am I correct?”

“You very much are.”

“Your album has almost cracked the top 5, which is a similar success to your other releases, but what many have noticed to be new about the album especially, is that for many of the songs you enlisted an equal co-writer. Can you tell us what led to this collaboration?”

Matteo smiled at the journalist’s question. It had probably been one of the best decisions to get Nina to co-write songs with him. Not that he couldn’t write songs by himself, but there was no denying that Nina was a lyrical genius, and it was such a shame not to show that talent to the world. Her poetic style had ended up complementing his own lyric style perfectly, and they had had so much fun working on the songs together. Matteo understood now more than ever why Gastón was so head over heels for her. 

The collaboration itself just made sense. The two of them had become extremely good friends, what with Nina being Luna’s best friend and the girlfriend of his best friend. He didn’t know why they hadn’t thought to work together sooner.

“Of course. Working with Nina Simonetti has been amazing. We’ve been friends for a long time, since our school years in Buenos Aires, and she is an incredible writing partner. Not many have talent like hers, and I am sure we’ll keep working together for a long time.”

What Matteo hadn’t realized was that these words would end up causing quite a ruckus on different platforms, as his super fans tried to find hidden meanings in everything he said.

123456789: Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that Matteo all of a sudden got a lyricist? He has written all his previous songs by himself.

Mini<3: I don’t think it’s odd. No one writes their songs purely by themselves, and she only worked on like half of the songs on the album. And she only was a co-writer, all the songs she wrote were written with Matteo, and he said they are old friends. 

FromTheSkyToTheCeiling: And the songs were super good too. He isn’t having someone else writing songs for him, just doing an artistic collaboration. 

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Hold on… guys… The lyricist is his girlfriend!

bookworm_: How do you make that out?

ILovePizza: This is literally the first time he has ever mentioned Nina Simonetti, it has never been said that she’s his girlfriend. We still don’t know who she is.

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: No, hear me out. You all remember the interview that Matteo did with Isabella Montro, a little under a year ago. –link– The one, where he said for the first time that he had a girlfriend. He said that they had met in high school and that he was looking forward to working with her. They must have already been planning this album together at that time and he just said that they have been friends with Nina ever since school. 

bookworm_: Oh my god, that makes sense. 

Existencedrama: #MatteoBalsanoGirfriendRevealed

–ABCD–: I looked at her Instagram. There’s no mention of Matteo there, outside of the album. 

Argonkind: Well, I don’t think she’s gonna say anything if he won’t. They wanna keep it private. 

TuPrincesa: One thing. I looked her up too, she is studying at Oxford. How has she been dating Matteo if she’s been in England for two years while he’s been in Buenos Aires?

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Duh, the internet exists. Plus Matteo travels a lot and they’ve clearly been seeing each other as they’ve been working on the album together. 

**

Nina snapped a picture of Luna, Matteo, and Gastón on her phone as the sun was setting. They had been spending the week in Mar del Plata, just four of them. She and Gastón had come to visit their parents in Buenos Aires on their Easter break from Oxford, and with Matteo back from tour as well, Luna had insisted that they go somewhere together.

She was scrolling through the pics on her phone as they sat for dinner. She’d gained a few more followers since she had started working with Matteo on his albums, but she didn’t yearn to be a social media star, like she had been with Felicity, again. She didn't usually post personal pictures, since she didn’t want to flaunt her private life on the internet, only occasional vacation photos, and even those she carefully chose so they wouldn’t show too much—especially since most of those pics usually included both Luna and Matteo. 

Just like them, she and Gastón didn’t really want to have their relationship on display in the media either. They were blissfully happy, but didn’t feel the need to show it to the whole world.

She picked some landscape pictures and added a couple group shots of the four of them to post on Instagram. She picked the picture she had taken on their beach and the one where Matteo and Gastón were lifting Luna in a pyramid structure. Luna had fallen a minute after the picture had been taken—luckily no one had gotten hurt. 

She typed up a caption—“Spending the last of vacation on the seaside with the people I love.”—tagged everyone on the pictures they were in, added the location, and finally clicked “post.” 

As maybe should have been expected, the residents of the internet were going to analyze those pictures to the end of the earth. 

–ABCD–: So she is in Argentina right now?

bookworm_: Apparently, it’s Oxford vacation time. Isn’t she just finishing her bachelors?

AllavoyVoy555: I don’t know about the degree, but she is on vacation and straight-up went back across the Atlantic to hang out with Matteo ;) 

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: And he just finished his tour and the first thing he did was to see her, we all know what that means <3

Mini<3: Aaahh, I can’t take it! It is too cute! 💙

HelloThere: Wait what? What is going on?

Mini<3: They are dating.

HelloThere: They are? OMG! Matteo must be the most romantic boyfriend! 

ArgonKind: It’s not confirmed. I don’t really want to get any delusions until they actually say it out loud

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Come on, it is pretty obvious. She apparently is a very close “friend of his”, who has been allowed to write the songs for him and we all know how important his songs are to him. Matteo must trust her immensely.

The_one: And just in this caption, she said that “people she loves.” I mean you can love your friends, but come on now.

Roserosette: Do we even know if Nina even has a boyfriend? Matteo has at least said that he has a girlfriend. You’d think they want to keep their stories consistent if they are dating secretly.

Mini<3: Yeah, we know that she does. She had a pic in the story where she was holding someone’s hand on Wednesday. No one was tagged though. 

Balsano’sfollower: So the boyfriend is on the trip with her? Come on, it must be Matteo!

TuPrincesa: Well, according to that logic the “boyfriend” could also easily be the other guy who’s in those pictures. And the girl could be Matteo’s girlfriend.

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: …I don’t think so.

M|B: Who even is that other guy?

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Oh, he’s Matteo’s best friend. His name is Gastón Perida. The girl’s name is Luna Valente, she’s Nina’s best friend. 

ArgonKind: So you are suggesting that instead of Nina and Matteo dating (which just makes more sense to me), they could be dating each other best friends…? This is starting to sound like the Miraculous love square… 

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Yep, it just makes more sense that Nina and Matteo are a thing and they are vacationing with their best friends. They must all be friends.

expelliarmusrevelatio: Guys, I just think we shouldn’t assume anything. Like, I would have nothing against them dating, they’d be super cute together. They just might not want to have it known publicly. 

Balsano’sfollower: Well, we aren’t even really assuming anymore. There is evidence.

**

Matteo threw himself on the couch in his and Luna’s hotel room. What a week. First, they had flown to Gastón’s graduation from Oxford and then Simon and Ambar had gotten engaged. They had been all over the place the whole week.

He reached his arm to pick up his guitar. The deadline for the next album was coming up very soon and he was ready otherwise, but there was just this one song that was giving him the biggest headache. Something was just not right about it. 

Nina had been the biggest help with the album, as she had been since Matteo brought her on as a lyricist, but this was one of the songs that Matteo had wanted to write by himself. 

He played the chords again and again. There was nothing wrong with the melody, but it just didn’t flow with the lyrics. 

He let out a big frustrated huff, right as Luna came out of the shower. 

“What’s wrong, Chico Fresa?”

“Nothing…” Luna’s eyes met his as she sat down beside him on the sofa. He couldn’t lie to her. “I can’t get this sound right.” He gestured to his notebook, where he had the songs written down. “It’s the last one, then I will be done. It’s just frustrating.”

“Well, what if you’re looking at it from the wrong angle?”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe the problem isn’t in the lyrics or in the music.” Luna pointed at the paper. “Maybe they’re just in the wrong order. It happened to me once, with a choreo. It just wasn't working, but once I changed the order of the steps it just all clicked in the place.”

Matteo turned back to the notebook, tilting his head to one side. He went through the song… the bridge! It was the bridge. Luna was right, the lyrics were fine, but the chords were in the wrong order. The last note was in a minor key, and it made it sound rather melancholy. He switched the chords around until it started sounding right. 

“Chica Delivery, you are a genius!” he exclaimed as he played the song in full. 

“Doing what I can for my Chico Fresa.” She smiled back at him and took his hand, which he was still holding on the frets of the guitar. 

Matteo couldn’t resist. He picked his phone up from the sofa and snapped a picture of their hands. It was such a pretty shot, and filled his heart with so much warmth and love for Luna, that he decided to post it. It was a bit more revealing than usual, but he didn’t tag Luna. 

He posted it with a caption: “Glad to be here with the love of my life. You make songwriting easier every day.” That was fair game—it wasn’t like his followers didn’t know he had a girlfriend.

The post’s comment section went wild.

The_one: Awww, so cute <3 <3

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Okay, this just confirms that he and Nina are together! ♥❤♥

Mini<3: He is not even trying to hide it. Aaaah!

ArgonKind: Well, how does this confirm it? Don’t get me wrong, I want them to be dating but this doesn’t add anything new for me.

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Just look at the caption. “Songwriting is easier with you .” Who is his co-writer again? Nina Simonetti.

M|B: Look at the tagged location! 

AGuitarplayer: This pic is from England! It is confirmed. He says “glad to be here”. He is clearly visiting her in England while she still studies, how romantic. He calls her the love of his life.

Siri_5488: Hmm, quite a bold nail polish choice. She doesn’t strike me as a yellow nail polish kind of person but oh well.

SaveNetflix!: I wonder how serious it is. Haven’t they been together for at least 3 years? And she’s graduating next year right?

Mini<3: Much longer than that probably. They met in high school, so they easily could have been together for 6 years now. 

Balsano’sfollower: Just imagine Matteo Balsano’s wedding. 

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: I’m definitely imagining

ILovePizza: Maybe they will finally confirm that they have been a couple this whole time once they get married

TuPrincesa: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. 

**

Matteo, Luna, Nina, and Gastón were sitting on the terrace of their hotel in Mexico. They had stayed there for the week following Simon and Ambar's wedding. The newlyweds had already departed on their honeymoon, but Luna had wanted to stay in Cancun and show her friends all the places where she grew up.

Matteo was very glad that she had had that idea. After all the wedding stuff and everyone being so busy these last weeks, he just wanted to spend time with their best friends who had finally returned from England for good. 

“You know, if you would have told me when I moved to Buenos Aires that Simon would be marrying Ambar, I think I would have fainted.” Luna laughed. “This was the first wedding I have ever attended, and it was so beautiful.”

“Well, I don’t think you are the only one who didn’t see it coming,” Nina said, “but things change with time, we all know that. They were the first of us. No one could have seen that coming.”

“And we’re next.” Gastón turned to Nina, taking her hand, the sapphires in her engagement ring glimmering in the sun. “You can tell that to the 16-year-old version of yourself.”

“I would have also fainted.” Nina smiled back at him.

Matteo was very glad to see his best friend so happy, and there was something he very much wanted to do for them. 

“Nina, Gastón, I’ve been thinking, and I would like to congratulate you two publicly.” Both Nina and Gastón turned to him with questioning looks on their faces. 

“I know we haven’t cared about it…” They all were very aware of what Matteo’s fan base thought of him and Nina—they had had a couple of good laughs about it and let it be. “...but I just think that soon you’ll be married… and I’d rather there not be rumors that I’m dating your wife,” he said, turning to Gastón.

Gastón turned towards Nina, seeming to have a silent conversation with her. Through the years, Matteo was almost convinced that they knew how to read each other's minds. 

“Well, you better take a picture of this then.” Gastón grinned at him, pulling Nina closer before kissing her. Matteo took his phone out and snapped a picture, making sure the ring was visible on Nina's finger.

He showed the picture to Luna and the other couple before posting it with a caption: “Super happy for these two idiots, who hid this from me for a whole month. I guess there is a new tradition in Cordoba that you don't tell your best man about your engagement. Just joking… but honestly brother, you’ll hear about this when I get to give that speech at your wedding.”

It was definitely no surprise that Matteo’s fanbase went completely nuts.

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: WHAT!?!?!?!???!!!???!??!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!????!!!!??!?!?!?

ISeeTheStars: Wait, what is happening?

ArgonKind: Hold on a second, I’m trying to understand.  Matteo’s best friend is getting married, and the girl in the picture is… Nina. The one who we all thought to be dating Matteo…

ISeeTheStars: Now I feel so stupid. Are we sure that’s Nina?

ArgonKind: They are both tagged in the picture. It is Nina.

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Wow, just wow. 💔

Broadway#WestEnd: Awww, Matteo’s best friend is getting married. I hope Matteo will follow in his footsteps and proposes soon to his lyricist. 

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: That's her. Nina is the one marrying Matteo’s best friend, Gastón.

Broadway#WestEnd: What? Oh my goodness, I didn’t read the full convo. 

AGuitarplayer: This is all just too much. So Nina is not Matteo’s girlfriend? I’ve been thinking that for years. 

TuPrincesa: I think it’s fair to assume now that they haven't been dating.

M|B: Well, it could still have been true. 

TuPrincesa: Yeah sure, they are definitely dating. That’s why she is marrying his best friend. That was sarcasm by the way if you couldn’t tell. 

M|B: No no no no, that’s not what I meant. Nina could still be the girl he mentioned in the Montro interview. That was years ago now.

Mini<3: She has been writing for his albums this whole time. I don’t think that would be possible if they’d gone through a breakup. And don’t you remember all the stuff he said about his girlfriend? If I had been that in love with a girl, I wouldn’t be happily reporting when she is marrying my best friend.

M|B: Breakups can be amicable

ArgonKind: Yeah, they can… but Matteo has not been through one. He has been open about the fact that he’s had a girlfriend, even if he hasn't told us who she is. He would have said if he didn’t have one anymore. 

Siri_5488: That’s true. The timeline doesn’t work. Even if he and Nina had broken up and stayed friends, it still takes time, it’s not automatic. We’re missing the transition period.

TooTiredToFunction: Guys, I don't think there’s any point to this. Matteo and Nina are not dating. You can’t get over, under, or around it.

SaveNetflix!: Yeah, I think this was Matteo’s way of saying “Hey guys! We are not dating”

The_one: I just found out about something. I looked Gastón up, and he graduated from Oxford a year ago… So he was studying there at the same time as her. He and Nina have always been there together. It’s been under our noses this whole time.

ArgonKind: How did we miss this? 

bookworm_: I’m just gonna say it. We are all so stupid.

TuPrincesa: You know what I am gonna say? CALLED IT! 

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: But if it has never been Nina, then WHO IS MATTEO’S GIRLFRIEND? 

–ABCD–: All signs pointed to Nina. I’m out of ideas right now.

This commotion lasted almost two months, until Matteo shocked the internet again by posting a picture of Luna’s hand in his, an engagement ring on her finger, with a caption that read, “Ti amo fino al sole e ritorno.”

AGuitarplayer: Oh my god!

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Awww, this is so cute 💜💜 But is he still not going to tell us who she is?

TuPrincesa: Well, at least we know that it’s not Nina.

Hogwart’sPrefect: Wait, what? How do we know that?

TuPrincesa: Where have you been? Nina Simonetti is marrying Gastón Perida, Matteo’s best friend. It was announced like two months ago. Nina and Matteo never dated. 

Hogwart’sPrefect: Apparently under a rock… how did I not know this?

Broadway#WestEnd: Hmmm, it is kind of interesting that Matteo changed the saying “I love you to the moon and back” to the sun. I wonder if that has some special meaning for them?

AGuitarplayer: Maybe we’ll never know. 

Little over six months after this announcement Gastón and Nina got married and Matteo posted a string of pictures he had taken from the wedding in addition to a couple of the official wedding party shots to congratulate the newlyweds. 

“The biggest congratulations to Gastón and Nina, or should I say Mr. and Mrs. Perida. These two have proven that nothing breaks true love, not internet connection, not annoying best friends, and definitely not the ocean. I love you my brother, and hey, now I can say that I have a sister as well, family bonds go further than blood. Love you both!”

And Matteo’s words touched many hearts, but also finally put an end to the big speculation. But his loyal fans still weren’t going to give up, until they learned the thruth.

M|B:💙💙

TuPrincesa: If anyone ever brings up Matteo and Nina dating again, I’m gonna refer them to this post.

Hogwart’sPrefect: I’m with you, this should put a stop to it now.

AllavoyVoy555: I’m still kind of on the fence about whether they did date at some point

123456789: Actually, that is impossible. Didn’t you see the stories of many of the guests at the wedding? They posted some snippets of the vows and it seems like Nina and Gastón have been together since they were in high school. At least he says that he has been in love with her all that time.

Balsano’sFollower: Dangit.

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: You know, I’m kind of disappointed. Nina and Matteo would have been such a cute couple, and a musical power couple as well.

TuPrincesa: He literally just called her his sister in this caption. Let it go.

ArgonKind: Yeah, I think people should just stop now. Nina is literally married. It’s not fun when people ship someone else’s wife with their best friend. And Matteo seems so happy for them.

TheMathlete: And Matteo is engaged as well. This is starting to border on bad taste.

AGuitarplayer: I still would just like to know who his fiance is?

bookworm_: Wait, could she be the girl who he is standing next to in the group photo of the wedding party?

Broadway#WestEnd: Luna Valente? She is Nina’s best friend.

TheMathlete: It doesn’t prove anything. He was the best man, she was the maid of honor, of course they are posing together in the picture. 

123456789: Her left hand isn’t visible in the pic so we can’t confirm. 

ArgonKind: Who says that his girlfriend was even at the wedding? We have no proof that she knows Nina or Gastón.   

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Well, since Gastón is  Matteo’s best friend, he must have met her at some point. And Matteo met her in school. All four of them went to the same school. 

expelliarmusrevelatio: That still doesn’t mean that they are best friends. She could have still been there as Matteo’s +1, but not in the pics since she wasn’t part of the wedding party

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Sooooo, I did some digging and apparently, Luna and Matteo dated in 2017.

Balsano’sfollower: Oooooh, then it must be her!

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Hold your horses, they broke up too. And even if Matteo met his current fiancee at school, doesn’t mean that they dated during it. 

Balsano’sfollower: Actually, I looked up some stuff too. Matteo also has dated Ambar Smith during his high school days, or I guess she is Alvarez these days, who is also in that picture as well, and she is married. So the logic doesn’t really hold up here. 

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: Yep. And from what I saw from some old youtube videos, Luna and Matteo’s relationship just seemed a bit messy, almost afraid to say it, but a bit toxic too… I don’t really see how they would have gotten back together. But we can’t know, so—

Six months from this, it was Nina’s turn to bring the whole story to full circle as she posted pictures from Luna and Matteo’s wedding, finally revealing the long speculated indentinty of Matteo Balsano’s now wife. 

“Its always worth it to work for what you believe in. We all should believe in true love, and follow our hearts, even if it leads us to the moon —or the sun. Congratulations Luna and Matteo!”

 …and the internet blew up.

Balsano’sfollower: Oh My God!

MatteoBalsanoSuperfan264: It was her? This whole time?

Roserosette: I KNEW IT!!! Tell me, who was right?

–ABCD–: I’m surprised he told us.

TheMathlete: So, so… Nina and Matteo were never dating, obviously, but she was always dating his best friend and he was always dating hers?

ArgonKind: It was the love square this whole time?

TuPrincesa: Well, kind of, just with best friends instead of secret identities… or I don’t know, I never got miraculous. 

ArgonKind: Well, it is some kind of love~friendship square I guess.

IlvemoryAlumni: At least we know the truth now. Unless they’re trolling us...

I have always been a huge advocate for the Nina and Matteo friendship that we never actually got. I will stand behind my headcanon that she worked for Matteo as a lyricist. This whole thing is just me making fun of the general stan culture how and it is quite ridiculous to ship real people because you van never know what is actually true.

[joontier]

mile high memoirs | oneshot

synopsis: you and the two other rappers of the global sensation BTS make a collaboration of sorts 

pairings: namgi (namjoon and yoongi) x reader

rating: R (18+)

genre: fluff, humor, smut | au: idol! au; established relationship! au

warnings: pwp basically hnngnhng; and yes sex on a private jet bc why tf not ; cunnilingus, oral sex (m and f receiving), cum swallowing, dom! Yoongi undertones, threesome, double penetration, anal sex, multiple orgasms; i have nothing else to say at this point except im dragging yall with me to thirst hours

word count: 5.9k

g/n: NAMGI NATION RISE!!!!!! anywho, this is a lovely gift for @mintseesaw​ for being an awesomesauce person in general and yes, we’re thirsting for the same men bUT SHE WONT SHARE HNGNNNG SO I’VE WRITTEN THIS INSTEAD (in the hopes that this might satiate my obviously unquenchable thirst for the hyung line!?/1!?!?) ALSO THIS IS HEAVILY UNEDITED KJFSKDJFSDJF please let me know what you think! x

between the lenses navi. |  navi. | m.list

“_________! Please look this way!”

“How do you feel about New Day becoming the number one streamed song in more than forty countries after being released just last week?”

“Is it true that you’re in a relationship with BTS’ Suga? Or RM? Or are the three of you engaged in a polyamorous relationship?”

The last one catches you off guard and you look away from the cameras to hide the amusement on your face. The last thing you need is people speculating about your personal life once they see your reaction to their questions, so you continue on your way to immigration, face down and expressionless.

If you were being completely honest, there was always a crowd that came with you when you had schedules overseas, fans and paparazzi huddled together as they took pictures of you. But today was different, especially considering the fact that you were also at Gimpo, and not Incheon.

With Gimpo, a significantly less busier airport than Incheon, you had only anticipated a smaller crowd but you seemed to have forgotten that you were scheduled to fly with two of the rappers of BTS to Amsterdam today to film the music video for your collaboration, “New Day”.

Upon your arrival, a throng of security guards placed themselves as barricades to bar the large group of people from crowding the hallways. Your team successfully weaves your way through the massive crowd and arrives safely by the immigration.

You soon see your boyfriend lounging by the private boarding area, and Yoongi immediately stands to greet you. You place a quick peck on his lips when you meet. Namjoon stands to greet you as well and you turn to the younger man to give him a huge hug. “It’s been a while since I saw you Joonie!” The tall rapper gets shy at your nickname, dimples peeking as he looks down.

“It must have been wild out there,” Yoongi says, giving you a once over as he checks if you got hurt or injured on the way to the boarding area. You coo at your boyfriend, face crumpling at his concern even after years of being in a relationship. Nuzzling your head onto the crook of his neck, you inhale the wonderful scent of the perfume you’d gave him when you came back from your US tour.

“Yeah it was! Honestly whenever I leave Korea, the amount of people who’d send me off isn’t even half of the crowd out there – and that’s already in Incheon! Not Gimpo! I always seem to forget that you guys are worldwide superstars!” Yoongi just laughs at your observation, shaking his head at you as he offers his iced Americano. 

Unbeknownst to those outside your private lives, you had initially met Yoongi pre-debut. You used to attend the same school back in Daegu and fun fact: you were the same ex-girlfriend he’d composed a letter for during high school and sent the same to a radio station to have it aired.

You had both met at a tender age, and admittedly, there were a few petty reasons for your break-up, but one of them was because you both wanted to pursue a career in music, and with the kpop industry not exactly big on the idols dating, you had decided to remain friends, for the time being.

It was Yoongi who contacted you first when you debuted in late 2012, and as you caught on with your lives, sharing similar stories during your trainee days, he’d also asked you to anticipate their debut in a few months’ time as well.

True to his word, their group debuted the following year in June, and you had sent congratulatory flowers to BigHit, praising them for their powerful stages and a very promising career. You and Yoongi had kept in touch ever since. Nothing wrong about rekindling an old flame, right?

Funny enough, dating under the radar seemed to have fallen naturally for the two of you as you both prefer staying indoors and improvising dates rather than having to go out and risk getting caught by the media. Besides, it would have been easier just in case things got a little bit heated. Which happened most of the time. In your defense though, being able to meet at least once a week was already a blessing – so occurrences like that were bound to happen…

One day while you were trying to work out this melody for a song you composed, Yoongi sat next to you and pulled you on his lap as he rested his chin on your shoulder. “Why don’t I help you with that love?” He lets you rest your back on his chest as his fingers fluidly move against the piano keys. Genuinely satisfied with what he played for you, you placed a kiss on his cheek as a token of your gratitude. “Thanks, Suga PDnim.”

“Speaking of that… do you want to have a collab – you and me?” You look at him, expectantly, mouth slightly open at surprise of his proposal. Truthfully, you had thought about that even before you actually got back in to a relationship, but you could never really bring the subject up because he always seemed so busy and you didn’t want to burden him any further by asking for extra work.

And that’s what you told him, but your boyfriend only laughed at you, intertwining his hands with yours on the piano. “Baby, I would’ve dropped all the other collaborations if you had just said the word.”

You were beyond elated, and honored, and when Namjoon came in to check on Yoongi, the latter asked if he had any opinion on a collaboration between Yoongi and you. Your boyfriend even convinced the younger rapper to get involved in the track. With the blessing of Bang PDnim, you’re finally here, scheduled to travel overseas to film the music video for the track the three of you had worked on which went global in mere hours, thanks to the very talented men you got the chance to work with.

You take out your camera from your bag to film a little, just in case you’ll get to release a ‘behind-the-scenes’ vlog for your collaboration. You make an attempt to film Yoongi who’s half-awake but all to no avail. Namjoon gladly offers some screen time for your video. The younger rapper laughs shyly when you squeal in excitement asking him for a few words about your collaboration. Namjoon does so like a professional: telling the camera where you’re headed off to today, thanking the fans for their never-ending support, and wishing them to anticipate the upcoming music video. 

It doesn’t take long before someone tells the lot that your plane is ready to board, so you wake a dazed Yoongi and bid goodbye to the rest of the staff who were taking a separate flight to your destination. 

Ever the hardworking idol, Yoongi decides to make some revisions on a song he’s working on while you take this time to finally finish a book Namjoon himself recommended a while back. You don’t notice the hours that have passed by when you check the window, and it’s already pitch-black outside, save the occasional gray because of the clouds.

Unbuckling your seatbelt, you head over to the lavatory to relieve your bladder. On your way back to your seat, you glance Namjoon’s way and see the flesh-colored screen your eyes getting glued to the screen watching two men pound a girl into the mattress. You get drawn back to reality because of some minor turbulence and you quickly avert your eyes from the screen.

“Babe, Joonie’s watching porn,” you whisper as you get to your seat, snuggling into your warm blanket. “And who told my girlfriend it was right to snoop into other people’s preferential pastimes?”  

You roll your eyes at him, “It’s not like I purposely watched what was on his screen! Just in case you needed the facts, he was seated with his back facing me, so it’s just natural that I’d get a glimpse of whatever ‘preferential pastime’ it is that you he was doing on his phone! It’s not my fault he didn’t dim the brightness if he truly wanted to watch it privately- “

“You didn’t need to go off, babe,” Yoongi laughs, placing a kiss on your head. “Should we head to bed now? I wanna sleep…and cuddle. Sleep, really, but since you’re here, I guess we could cuddle.”

“You make it sound like it’s a chore!”

Yoongi gives your indignance no attention, just tugging you up from your seat towards the bedroom. “Joon, we’re going to go to sleep now. You should go do the same soon.”

Namjoon’s lips part to reply, but Yoongi beats him to it. “And don’t even think about attempting to sleep in that seat. There are two beds back there for a reason. _______ and I will just share one. Feel free to take the other.” A small smile graces the younger man’s face in gratitude, nodding his head as he wishes you both a good night’s sleep.

Of course, life is bittersweet – so even with an insanely comfy bed and your boyfriend beside you to snuggle freely – a good night’s sleep is the last thing you get. Restlessly turning to lie on your back for what seems to be the hundredth time tonight, you heave a sigh as you stare at the jet’s ceiling. Must’ve been the iced Americano you shared with Yoongi before you boarded. Damn him and his triple-shot Americano.

Namjoon enters the room and notices your state of restlessness. “Can’t sleep?”

“Sort of.”

“There’s warm milk by the galley if you want some.”

“I’m too lazy to get up…”

Namjoon chortles, finding it’s moments like these that remind him of your likeness to Yoongi. “I can get you some if you want?” Namjoon offers, already turning to leave the room but you grab his arm, stopping him from doing so.

“No, please! You really don’t need to. I know I’ll be able to sleep in a few more minutes….”

“The average person falls asleep in twenty, and you and Yoongi hyung came here about an hour ago,” Namjoon points out. Giving him a blank stare, you reply, “Why don’t you head to bed and rest? We’ve still got a long day tomorrow.”

“Okay. Good night, noona.”

“Night Joonie.”

You have proven all of Google’s methods of falling asleep faster to be false. Warm milk, the 4-7-8 breathing method, relaxing music, even counting sheep in vain. You’d even tried working on your vlog to Amsterdam (that you probably aren’t even going to release), giving up when you couldn’t make out Yoongi’s slurred speech when you tried to interview him while he was napping (you don’t know why you even bothered at this point, but you probably thought it was funny earlier this afternoon).

Nada. Nothing was working, not when you’ve still got three shots of espresso coursing through your veins.

There was only one way left and you had a feeling that this was going to definitely knock you out. You need to get exhausted, and the only idea left is sitting cross-legged at the back of your head, blowing a huge bubble with her gum as she files her nails. She looks at you with taunting eyes. You glance over to Namjoon’s bed, analyzing his features to see if he had gone to sleep already or not. A light snore that escapes his lips assures you so.

Letting out another exhale, you turn to face Yoongi on your left, studying his features. Your boyfriend wakes when your lips graze his cheek as you place a light kiss on his milky skin. One eye pries open to peer at you. “Babe, what are you doing?” His groggy voice shouldn’t have appealed to you as strongly as it did now, but your desperation to get some sleep had seemed to travel south.

“Just kissing my beautiful boyfriend,” you shrug innocently, fighting the teasing lilt in your voice when you see the corner of his lips rise at your sudden compliment. “You don’t fool me, Miss _____, Billboard’s Top Female Solo Artist of the Year, MAMA’s Best Rap Performance, Golden Disc Awards’ Best…”

“Okay, okay, you got me.” You giggle as Yoongi pulls you closer to meet your lips in a chaste kiss. “What’s wrong princess?” You state the obvious, pointing to your eyes which now probably had bags under them. “Can’t sleep,” you pout, slipping your hand underneath his shirt to give him a back rub as you snuggle to his chest.

“And what do you suppose we are to do about it?” Yoongi asks, chest rumbling as he speaks. You take your bottom lip between your teeth as you look up at him expectantly, giving him a knowing look.

Yoongi looks at you incredulously, the lack of rest still visible in his features. You instantly look away, guilt spreading across your chest. You internally scold yourself as you had to wake up your boyfriend for selfish reasons. Your boyfriend senses your sudden hesitance and places a finger under your chin, ordering you to look at him. “Hey, hey, look at me darling. Right here, right now? I’m gonna be honest with you, I don’t have the energy to-“

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll do all the work.”

“And Namjoon, who’s just a mere meter away?” His pitch lowers, voice now barely above a whisper. You nod shyly and Yoongi’s eyes darken at your unspoken offer.

“You’re a naughty little slut, aren’t you?” Yoongi hisses, placing his hands on your waist and lifting you easily to have your sit on his thighs, just below his crotch. “Wanting to fuck on a plane, while another member is sleeping right beside us?”

Placing your hands on Yoongi’s chest for support, you move your hips forward, grinding your crotch against your boyfriend’s. Yoongi pulls you forward by your arms, just enough that your face is merely centimeters away from him. Wasting no time, he presses his lips against yours, darting his tongue out to deepen the kiss. He expresses his desire to help you with your dilemma by thrusting upwards gently to join your gyrating hips.

You peek sideways to check on Namjoon and breathe a sigh of relief when he finally turns to the other side, back facing the both of you. 

You hastily discard your top and your bra in desperation, hands roaming all over your torso and eventually letting them end at your chest, fondling with your breasts and tweaking your nipples between your fingers. Not satisfied with your own ministrations, you guide Yoongi’s hands to your breasts, letting him squeeze them as he pleases beneath his open palms.

“God, you’re so fucking hot,” Yoongi murmurs, bending his knees to push himself upwards to make himself more comfortable. Yoongi quickly attaches his moist lips to one of your breasts, sucking at the supple flesh. You grind heavier against him in response and Yoongi takes this as an opportunity to fist a handful of your hair and tug sharply, baring your neck to him. 

You barely manage to hold in your whimpers when he sucks on a particularly sensitive spot on your neck, definitely leaving a purplish mark there that you’ll eventually have to cover up with foundation. Nothing you’ve never done before. “Remember that short dress you wore on stage last week with that dangerous cleavage?” You nod shakily, remembering the way Yoongi tried hard to not stare at you too long as one of his fansites might catch onto something. 

“Guess what baby? It’s payback time.” 

“For what?” You flutter your eyes innocently at him and you suddenly feel the temperature rise a few degrees with Yoongi’s intense stare. 

“You knew exactly what you were doing that night, naughty little tease.” Okay, maybe you did, and maybe you bit your lip in front of the camera at the exact moment you knew he was looking. Needless to say, he avoided your eyes for the rest of the evening during that particular awards show. 

He thrusts up harshly, his clothed hard-on grinding deliciously against your likewise covered cunt. “Mhmm, Yoongs… I- I wanna…” You don’t find the need to say anything else, just one look at the bulge inside his sweatpants was enough for him to understand.

“Yes please.” Yoongi sighs in contentment, raising his hips to help you remove his clothes. You include his boxers as you take his sweatpants off, cock slapping against his stomach as it springs free from the confines of his underwear.

Giggling excitedly, you hide beneath the covers, fitting yourself snugly between Yoongi’s legs. You take your time as you stare at his dick, long and girthy and curved just the right amount – always a tight fit inside your walls. You couldn’t wait for later when he’ll let you impale yourself on his cock as you ride him – the vivid picture makes you even wetter.

Building up his anticipation, you start placing kisses from his happy trail down to his groin, kneading his balls gently while you’re at it. Finding it difficult to communicate his feelings is one trait of Yoongi that definitely has its pros and cons. For one, people actually think Yoongi doesn’t care for others but it’s actually the complete opposite, but along with this, he gives the most genuine reactions, one which you are thankful for, especially during times like these.

Yoongi’s pretty responsive, and vocal at times when he’s really in the mood, and when you tentatively flick your tongue against his frenulum, the instantaneous quiver of Yoongi’s body has you reveling, giving yourself an imaginary pat on the back.

Momentarily leaving his red, angry shaft, you gently take his balls in your mouth, sucking on it, and gently massaging it with your tongue. “Quit the teasing, _______.” Being the good, obedient girl that you are, you comply immediately, paying attention to his dick this time.

You see his abdominals contract when you finally take him in your mouth, veiny hands grabbing at your temple to fist a handful of your hair. Inch by inch, you let his cock sink into your mouth, swallowing when he reaches the back of your throat. Yoongi hisses at the sensation, cursing to a throw pillow he’d taken from the seats.

Not wanting to agonize him any longer, you get to a pleasurable pace, bobbing your head up and down his length. Yoongi’s chest starts heaving and his grip on your hair tightens – the tell-tale signs of his impending orgasm. “Shit, baby…” Your boyfriend warns you that he’s about to cum, and you pull back a little, just to feel him release ropes of his cum inside your mouth.

Yoongi beckons you closer, weakly pulling at your arms to have you lie on his chest. He’s still panting when you get closer, “You, darling, are perfection personified.”

Slapping his chest lightly in jest, you reply, “You’re only saying that because I just gave you the best blowjob of your life.” Yoongi pulls his head back, facial features exaggeratedly contorted to fake being offended. “Okay first of all, you always do. And second, do you want me to get sappy and make a list what makes you the perfect woman ever?” He asks, letting two of his fingers dance on the bare skin of your belly, eventually leading southwards, “Or…I could just show you how much you mean to me by doing something else? Something you and I will both enjoy, hmm?”

Expressing your approval with a hum, Yoongi wastes no time, meeting your lips in a feverish kiss. Gasping at the sensation of his wet lips trailing all the way from your cheek, down to your jaw then your collarbones and onto the valley of your breasts, you squirm impatiently underneath your boyfriend.

“Patience, darling,” Yoongi chuckles, sending you a flirty wink as he gets down on you, teasingly pulling at the waistband of your shorts before removing them. His gaze darkens when he notices your underwear choice – a lacy red thong just for him. You’ve meant to have him remove it from you once you reach the hotel in Amsterdam, but doing it in a jet seems just as hot.

When he gets the thong off of you, he quickly pockets it inside his discarded sweatpants by the end of the bed. Getting back to his task at hand, you’re unable to control the gasp that escapes your lips when Yoongi brazenly flattens his tongue on your bare core.

Keeping your folds open with two fingers, he curls his tongue around your clit, thighs subconsciously squeezing his head in between because of the stimulation. With one hand, he keeps your legs spread open for him. Alternating between your clit and your entrance, Yoongi makes sure not a single region of your core is left out.

Wanting to put your limits to the test, your boyfriend tentatively slides a finger against your folds, the coldness of your couple ring on his digit making you quiver to the bone. He slowly slides a finger in, prepping your hole for what’s to come. You plead for one more, fully aware that your greedy little pussy isn’t contented with one. Yoongi complies with your request at once, pumping his digits inside of you and occasionally curling them inside. That familiar coil inside you tightens with every second, and with one particular curl of his digit and his mouth on your clit, you reach your high.

Your body trembles with the intensity of your orgasm, and Yoongi won’t stop just yet, still licking long stripes on your cunt. Your boyfriend stops abruptly and rises, resting all his weight on his arms as he crawls forward and lowers himself to whisper something in your ear. “He’s awake. You want me to do something about it?” 

Legs closing subconsciously while in thought, Yoongi gives you a few choices to ponder on. “We could pretend he’s not awake and get done with this, or…” Yoongi looks at you, carefully studying your facial reaction, “we could have another collaboration of some sort…” 

“It’s really up to you baby, I’m honestly okay with both.” 

You raise your eyebrows at his statement, never really taking Yoongi as the type to explore your deepest sexual fantasies. But then again, Yoongi has always been one to support you in everything, even with your kinks. Maybe the idea didn't surprise you as much as it should have considering the level of trust that came with living with someone for almost ten years already. 

Yoongi gently falls to your side for a moment as he lets you decide. “You know, Namjoon used to have a crush on you,” your boyfriend informs, twirling a loose strand of your hair around his finger. Now that was a surprise. “He did?” 

“Mhmm. At one point, he even had you as his phone wallpaper when you released your second single.” 

“Oh really?” 

“Yeah, I really don’t mind if you wanted to indulge him, you know, as an early birthday present? We actually had this kind of conversation a few years back and honestly, we’re both willing to try a threesome… what better way to do it with a person you trust right?” 

The bluntness of his words catches you off guard - several trains of thoughts scattered throughout your brain. Namjoon had a crush on you? Birthday present? Threesome? How did you even get in this situation in the first place? Yoongi shifts a little as you continue contemplating, then you take notice of Yoongi’s bare lower half, cock still stiff and upright. Shit! 

“You’re still hard,” you comment lamely, staring at his dick. “I know, and I’d greatly appreciate it if you tell me your decision quickly…” 

You look at him again, checking if there is the slightest hint of uncertainty in his eyes. When you see none, you ask him again, “You’re really sure you’re okay with that?” 

“Of course, as long as you’re comfortable with the idea. Honestly, I’m willing to have it any way because we still have a very pressing problem,” Yoongi points to his crotch, “and honestly, I think Namjoon is too. There’s nothing more that can turn a man on other than a woman’s moans,” he shrugs. 

You want to laugh at Yoongi being totally nonchalant about this whole situation, but if you’d listen to your gut feeling, you’re sensing it’s Yoongi’s outstanding self-control that has him so calm and collected about this proposal. 

Once you tell your boyfriend of your approval, he calls Namjoon at once. When the younger man won’t budge, you look at Yoongi who just shakes his head at you with a playful smirk on his face. He points at you then back to Namjoon, gesturing you to do the talking. 

You gulp before saying a short plea to the heavens above. Surely, they’re bound to hear you better since you’re already in the sky right? “Joonie, darling, it’s okay to look. We don’t mind.” You cringe at the tone of your voice, surprised at how convincing you sounded while you were having an inner turmoil. 

When you see Namjoon’s head raise a little, you subconsciously bite your lip in anticipation. Wanting nothing more than to see what he has to say about this. Yoongi probably senses his hesitation so he starts to speak, “It’s okay, she’s covered with a blanket.”

“But you’re not!” Yoongi juts his head forward, a grim look on his face. “As if you haven’t seen me naked before!” 

“That’s different! T-This is a completely different situation.” 

“Listen to me you kinky ass motherfucker, I just know you’re hard. I am too, and you know damn well it’s painful and uncomfortable. So, unless you want me to fuck her while you’re watching or pretending to be asleep, I suggest you take your clothes off and come here.” 

“Are you both sure you’re okay with this?” 

“Didn’t you just hear our conversation a while ago? I mean your bed is just a meter away.” 

“I know, I heard,” Namjoon says, hands already at the hem of his hoodie, then instantaneously looks at the older one dead in the eye, “But, hyung, did you really have to call me out like that?! The whole crush thing and the wallpaper - jeez!” 

Namjoon takes his phone out of his hoodie first, placing it by the window, then removing the rest of the clothes he has on quickly under your heated gaze.

“Try having a conversation while you’re hard,” Yoongi mutters, rolling his eyes. Yoongi scoots closer to you when Namjoon moves forward, standing with only his boxers left on. Your mouth waters at the outline of his straining bulge while Yoongi clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

“Why don't you show your Joonie what that mouth can do?” 

The tall man makes a sound between a cough and a groan, and you lie on your stomach, crawling a little bit closer to come face to face with Namjoon’s crotch. You just know he’s longer than Yoongi judging from what you’re seeing, but Yoongi’s definitely girthier and fuck - the thought alone is enough for you to come undone, completely untouched. 

Namjoon shivers lightly when you trace a finger along the length of his boner, placing a light kiss atop his cloth boxers. Impatiently, you hook a finger on the waistband of his Versace boxers. Holy fuck - you send another prayer to their hard stans, wishing them an equally intense life inside the bedroom.

His cock springs free, and you scoot closer, wanting to have a better look at his pretty dick. You get into action quickly, hand wrapping around the base of his cock. You place a kiss on the leaking head, before licking a wet stripe along the length of his shaft. 

You get more confident when Namjoon inhales sharply at the simple action. A few more licks and you decide to finally take him in his mouth, gradually moving lower until you have at least a third of him in your mouth. Namjoon sighs, fingers carding through your hair as you pull your mouth off him with a pop. Once more, you sink down, shallow and easy as you tease the younger man. 

The grip on your hair eventually tightens, goading you on and encouraging you to go deeper. Namjoon becomes more vocal when you pick up the pace, and when you go down all the way to the hilt, you pause for a moment, then swallow. “Holy fuck!” Namjoon cries out, head lolling backwards in pleasure. “God, I wish I had a girlfriend too.” Yoongi chuckles from behind you and you almost forgot he was there too with Namjoon’s pretty length keeping you preoccupied. 

Yoongi praises you and calls you a good girl. Beaming at your boyfriend, he tells you to continue giving Namjoon the blow of his life. Under Yoongi’s compliments, you work harder, ignoring the slight burn in your jaw. Namjoon starts bucking his hips, desperately chasing his high in your mouth. As you feel that coil slowly forming in the pit of your stomach, you gather some of the blankets between your thighs, bunching them up against your cunt so you have something to shamelessly grind your folds with. 

Namjoon’s breathing gets strained, and you feel a tap on your leg, causing you to momentarily stop with Namjoon. Yoongi says nothing as he tells you to flip over. Settling your weight on your elbows, you watch Yoongi hand Namjoon a silver packet. “You really think you won’t get caught wetting the sheets babe? You’re not the only who gets to have fun here.” 

He peppers a few kisses on your things before placing a hand between, spreading your legs open. “What are you waiting for, princess? Wanna leave Namjoon hanging just like that?” Unsure of what he has in mind, Namjoon helps you guide his shaft back to your mouth. As Namjoon returns to a rhythmic pace inside your mouth, you feel Yoongi settling himself between your legs. Good lord, was this really about to happen? 

Your back arches when Yoongi starts with light vertical licks from the bottom to top. You feel his hand trail upwards, gently caressing your breasts. You’re mewling by the time Namjoon increases his pace, and Yoongi starts and toying with your clit mercilessly. 

The feeling gets too much when Yoongi sucks on your nether bud, then proceeds to tease your rim a little, using your essence to slowly ease a ringed finger inside your hole. Namjoon hisses with your every moan, the vibrations coming from your throat an added blessing to having fucked your mouth. 

From your view, you see Namjoon’s balls tighten and seconds later thick ropes of cum slide down your throat and you swallow before pulling back and licking your lips. Not wanting to be left out of the fun, Yoongi, once more, asserts his dominance, ordering you to get on your knees. 

You feel your heart hammering against your ribcage in exhilaration, secretly hoping that this will finally be the day your deepest fantasies will come to life. Yoongi scoots over a little to lie horizontally on the bed. He calls you over, index finger curved like a hook to beckon you to ride him.  

You move over to him in shaky legs, hooking a leg over his body to straddle his hips. “No, no, not facing me…” Yoongi waves his hand as he helps you up. “Facing him,” your boyfriend points to Namjoon whose mouth falls open in shock. Yoongi rips a packet open and rolls a condom onto his shaft.

“Hyung…” This was plain torture.

“I thought this was supposed to be an early birthday present for me?” Namjoon mumbles, scratching his neck with the small silver packaging between his fingers. “I know. But great things never came easy right?” Namjoon visibly deflates at the older rapper’s words. He had a point yes, but some points weren’t supposed to be applicable to all fields of life…

Not wanting to prolong your waiting any longer, you lower yourself onto Yoongi’s cock, inch by inch until he’s fully seated inside your warm, velvety walls. Your head falls back at the feeling of his cock inside you. Every time feels like the first.

Once you feel you’ve adjusted enough to Yoongi, you stabilize yourself on Yoongi’s thighs, sliding up until it’s only his head left inside before sliding back down. Your thighs get tired after a while, and Yoongi helps you by gripping your hips and thrusting upwards. As you move up and down and grind back and forth in circles, Yoongi calls Namjoon over just before you reach another climax.

“It’s about time you join the fun here, no? Joonie?” Yoongi playfully mocks the taller man, using your nickname for Namjoon to rile him up even further. You whine when Yoongi pulls out for a moment, closing your eyes as he places a quick kiss on your shoulder 

You hear the ripping of a packaging and as you open your eyes, you see Namjoon near you until his thighs are hitting the edge of the bed. You let out a wanton moan when you feel Yoongi prodding his cock against your other hole, shallowly dipping the head in then pulling out. He repeats the action until he deems you’re ready, the slowly lowers you down onto his length.

“Namjoon…” Yoongi says breathily, having difficulty with his self-control with your rim having a vice-like grip on his cock. The other man in front of you doesn’t need to be told twice, slapping his dick against your folds. The action sends lewd sounds resonating throughout the small room, which only sends a jolt of pleasure down your spine.

Namjoon rests one of his knees on the bed, lowering himself onto your cunt. “Noona, you’re so wet. Fuck… I could just…” Namjoon finally pushes himself inside, “easily slide right in…” he lets out a deep exhale once he’s balls deep inside you.

You’re not doing any better than any of the men, thinking you could just orgasm from the fullness alone. And much to your surprise, you do. And both men keep their hands on you as you tremble like a falling leaf in autumn. “Holy shit!” Namjoon explains, staring at you with his mouth open. Once you stop quivering, they both ask you if you were still okay, and you take a breather before answering them, “I’m good. Just… nothing great ever came easy, right?”

You can practically feel Yoongi smiling from behind you. “That’s my girl.”

“Can I?” Namjoon asks, looking down to where your bodies are connected. You nod once, and Namjoon and your boyfriend start thrusting into you alternately. It doesn’t take long before you reach your climax again, with a ton of help from Namjoon who toys with your clit while snapping his hips into you.

They reach their orgasms not long afterwards. You let them ride out their highs until their cocks gradually turn softer inside you. Feeling spent and immensely satiated, you fall over to Yoongi’s side, falling asleep in mere seconds.

The two rappers collapse onto the bed, but sit abruptly sit upright when they hear a very familiar voice coming from Namjoon’s phone. “Fucking hell! That was the hottest shit ever!” Hoseok exclaims from the screen.

“You called him?!” Yoongi asks, hitting Namjoon’s forearm. “No! I- I must’ve contacted him while I put my phone there…crap.” Namjoon looked completely bewildered.

“Hyung, can I come to Amsterdam too? Please?!”

© hhyungz 2020

[hlupdate]

The relationship between A-list muse and lauded designer is nothing new. But few have been as serendipitous that of Harry Styles and Alessandro Michele: the pop star’s solo career coincided neatly with the designer hitting his stride as the game-changing creative director of Gucci. Theirs is a mutually beneficial partnership that has elevated the former to new echelons of style, while the latter has become something of an icon to an unexpected fandom.

Unlike the large-scale productions of recent show seasons, Michele first presented his vision for Gucci with a quietly confident collection on 19 January 2015 — reportedly pulled together in just five turbo-charged days. The collection had all the signifiers of the retro-inspired aesthetic that has since become Michele’s beat, introducing the fur-lined loafers, pussy-bow blouses and florals that still form the backbone of his work today. A 20-year-old Harry, meanwhile, was still a long-haired One Direction member set to embark on the band’s biggest ever — and as it turned out last— tour. Just as One Direction’s days were winding down, Michele was picking up speed. Gucci reported a five per cent rise in sales in the last three months of 2015, amounting to 1.1 billion Euro in the final quarter.

Stylist Harry Lambert, who had been working with Harry for a few years by then, decided it was time for the boy-bander to try something new. A floral suit – that floral suit – from Michele’s spring/summer 2016 collection would be just the ’fit for the American Music Awards in November 2015, they decided.

Looking back it was a “very bold move,” Lambert admits. Styles was the first to take one of Michele’s full menswear looks from the Gucci catwalk and wear it on the red carpet. “It was very exciting to see everyone’s responses, but also how great he looked in it,’’ Lambert told Miss Vogueof what he still views as a turning point in his client’s fashion journey. This winning suit encouraged Styles and Lambert to pull more Gucci, and Harry gave his final performance as a member of One Direction wearing a suit in the retro petal print that defined Michele’s early collections.

In fact, Gucci was just about the only thing that the 1D alum carried over to his solo career. Even his shoulder-length curls were shorn. The music videos that accompanied Styles’s eponymous number one album, released in April 2017, all incorporated Gucci, as did his appearances on the promo trail. A navy tailored coat floats through the sky in the video for “Sign Of The Times”, and he wears floral tailoring in the clip for “Kiwi”. When the time came for Harry to take his record on the road, he wore countless bespoke Gucci suits on stage. Most were floral brocade with flared trousers, and paired with pussy-bow shirting.

By June 2018, the relationship had been formalised. Styles was revealed – in a series of photos taken by Glen Luchford in the suitably English setting of a chip shop – as the face of Gucci’s tailoring campaign. Two more campaigns followed, in which Styles models the most exuberant of Michele’s creations without ever sacrificing his schoolboy cheekiness, not even with a lamb slung around his shoulders. The campaigns, two by Luchford, a third by Harmony Karine, helped to usher in a new dawn in menswear advertising.

A year later Harry was unveiled as part of a diverse line-up in the campaign for Gucci’s Mèmoire D’une Odeur — the near century-old house’s first gender-neutral scent. Yes, he was the main event, but Styles shared the spotlight with other creatives in what became an unavoidable campaign, covering buildings, beauty counters, column inches and iPhone wallpapers across the globe. Styles has since quipped that he wears it to bed,making a bottle a necessary purchase for even half-dedicated Harry fans.

That Harry’s work with Gucci has proved so popular with his dedicated fanbase is a key component in the success of their collaborations. Though — and again, this is likely owing to Harry’s own allegiances — his followers do tend to have a keen interest in fashion compared to other fandoms, it’s down to their idol that Harries know the artistic director by his first name alone. “It is really exciting for us fans to see another facet of Harry as a creative individual, and his Gucci partnership cultivates that and gives us an even more in-depth perspective of who he is,” Nadhila, a 26-year-old fan in Indonesia told Miss Vogue.

Nadhila, who has been a part of the team behind the Twitter account @HSNewsUpdate since 2011, believes that the fluid nature of Michele’s vision has contributed to the interest in Harry’s Gucci looks. “There are no boundaries on what he might come up with, so fans are always excited to see what look [Harry] might step out in next,” she says. Styles’s efforts to be a fan-focused, ethical pop star – his motto is “treat people with kindness” – are relevant, too. “He has inspired us to be bold, unique and unafraid to experiment when it comes to fashion,” she adds. “He has shown us that there is no such thing as too feminine or too masculine, we can be both and we can be ourselves.”

Another of Harry’s biggest fan accounts, @TheHarryNews, is run by four women in their mid-twenties: Annie, Océane, Lena and Rachel. “You can really see the confidence he’s gotten from working with Gucci,” they share collectively over email. “[He’s] taking more risks and letting more of himself show… In a lot of ways we’ve seen Harry really come into his own. I think that really resonates with people, especially his fans, who get tiny pieces of [who he really is] through fashion.”

Two fans who have an almost encyclopedic knowledge of this fashion partnership are the transatlantic duo behind @HSFashionArchive. Since April 2016, London-based Lu and Washington DC-based Alex have documented every look worn by Harry in meticulous detail, all to act as “a resource for fans”. Its posts lets his followers know how they might go about procuring these items, but also sheds light on key house codes – thus enabling fans to quickly identify which of Harry’s looks are Gucci, and which aren’t. “We have noticed that fans buy the Gucci pieces that Harry has worn,” 29-year-old Alex explained. “Though some pieces are pricey, we’ve seen people buy the loafers, boots, and bags that Harry has sported over the years. Lots of our followers bought the £34 Gucci lipsticks he wore in Beauty Papers.”

The pair believes that the relationship works because Gucci is able to offer Harry such a broad spectrum of looks to choose from. “Gucci’s looks range from wearable to outrageous, so Harry’s continued partnership with Gucci guarantees both attainable style and flashy moments. There’s nothing like seeing him in a wild new outfit that we couldn’t have anticipated.” And though one might assume the scene-stealing suits are most popular with fans, according to Nadhila, they like his low-key looks best, given that “they show a more casual and intimate look into who he is as a ‘normal’ person”.

Of course, there is a notable exception: the 2019 Met Gala. For the opening evening of the “Camp: Notes On Fashion” exhibition Michele and Harry acted as co-hosts, and arrived on the pink carpet together. “After such a colourful tour wardrobe it was nice to do something a little unexpected,” Lambert told Miss Vogue of the black blouse Styles wore. “[It was about] taking traditionally feminine elements like the frills, heeled boots, sheer fabric and the pearl earring, but then rephrasing them as masculine pieces set against the high-waisted tailored trousers and his tattoos. Camp, but still Harry.” Lambert explained at the time: “We met up earlier this year to share mood boards with the Gucci team. We had pages of printed references all on the table from Alessandro, myself and Harry, then we edited them down.” Today, the @HSFashionArchive duo agree the night “was a massive deal amongst fans”.

There was the now pearl earring-wearing fashion darling of the music world, standing alongside the closest thing to a rockstar the fashion industry has at present. “I love dressing up and he loves dressing up,” Michele told The Face in 2019. “The moment I met him, I immediately understood there was something strong around him. I realised he was much more than a young singer. He was a young man, dressed in a thoughtful way, with uncombed hair and a beautiful voice. I thought he gathered within himself the feminine and the masculine.”

Since the Met, the relationship has continued to go from strength to strength. Styles wore a custom look on the cover of his second record, Fine Line, shot by Tim Walker, and Michele and Styles collaborated on a T-shirt to coincide with it, with a percentage of the sales going to the Global Fund For Women. Gucci’s high-waisted trousers, cropped blazers and dazzling shirting now takes up even more space in Styles’s wardrobe, and bring as much attention to the star as his sophomore record’s commercial and critical success.

Sightings of Styles in Gucci have become a source of comfort for fans in a turbulent 2020. From his Mary-Janes at the Brits to his oversized turquoise blazer and crochet gloves in the “Golden” video, by way of outré sunglasses and floral sunglasses in the clip for “Watermelon Sugar”, Harry’s recent sartorial choices have managed to be pleasingly familiar, while simultaneously keeping his followers on their toes.

A bit like the chicken and the egg conundrum, the question remains: is Harry very Gucci, or is Gucci very Harry? The verdict is out. But without each other, both might be missing a little something.

[medea10]

My Review of Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni GOU

(a.k.a. When They Cry Gou)

I know what you’re thinking. Why the heck am I reviewing this anime again? I’ve already written a review in 2009 and re-polished it in 2016. (Here it is BTW) I’ve made my point on who I like, hate, what ships are worthy, and poked fun at all the deaths that happened throughout the series. I think some time has passed that I should say some thoughts on this…um, story. After all, Higurashi is one of my favorite animes.

STORY: Ah shit, here we go again!

Higurashi or When They Cry is about a boy named Keiichi Maebara who recently moved to a place called Hinamizawa. And ever since moving to this town, he’s found his days are filled with fun mischief with fellow friends Rena Ryuuguu, Satoko Hojo, Mion Sonozaki, and Rika Furude. But little does Keiichi know that there’s a little murder mystery that surrounds the town. During a town festival known as Watanagashi (or Cotton Drifting), there’s usually one or two people that go missing or turn up dead. And this year, Keiichi is next. So let’s relive the horrors that plague the town of Hinamizawa and…

One episode later.

Wait, what the…?! It’s episode 2, why are we seeing Hanyuu? I don’t remember that in the manga. The visual! THE VISUAL! WHAT THE FUCK?! ISN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A REBOOT? WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY IS THERE AN ADULT RIKA?! WAIT, IS THAT ADULT RIKA OR BERN? IS THIS GOING TO BE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE TO THE WITCHES OF UMINEKO?! THE SHADOWS IN THE OPENING ARE TOO FAMILIAR FROM OTHER WORKS! Ryukishi07, you magnificent, fucking troll master for keeping this hidden until the second episode’s air date!

Many of us did not see this coming. When they announced a new Higurashi series that was going to be done by a different studio, many of us speculated whether this was going to be a reboot or a sequel. But then we got the PV trailers and it looked like we were going to get a reboot to correct the mistakes Studio Deen made years ago. Rika’s head doesn’t look like its gonna snap off because her body is so small in comparison. Improvements! I mean, they showed everything we were already used to like the yandere girls, the original soundtrack, the original freakin’ cast, and death by baseball bat. Hell, the first episode ended with an Eiko Shimamiya song! It was on track to being a reboot! A better looking reboot!

Here in lies the sequel aspect! After episode one, we get a scene that isn’t usually seen until the Kai part of Higurashi (a good 4-5 arcs away). And they give away the secret that Rika Furude is repeating the timeline of June 1983 over and over because she keeps dying. And as the series progresses, you notice little things different from the original series. Many of the well-known storylines end much differently than what you remember. Instead of Keiichi killing Rena and Mion with a baseball bat, you’ve got Rena going psycho on Keiichi. And Rika’s fate is somehow worse than the stories of the original series. So let’s head back to Hinamizawa to hear the cicadas cry and watch a murder mystery unfold.

THE SUB: All the original voice actors have returned to voice their respected roles. Perfection in a nutshell!

LICENSING: You’ve gotta be shitting me!

As I’ve mentioned years ago in my review, the original Higurashi anime went through a turbulent time being licensed in the states. It was originally licensed and dubbed by Geneon. But once Geneon collapsed, FUNimation licensed it and did absolutely fuck all with it. Geneon could only manage to squeak out one season. At this point, FUNimation was picking up titles that Geneon used to have before it fell under including Familiar of Zero, Kyou Kara Maou, and yes, Higurashi. All of these titles mentioned here were done absolutely nothing with despite having cult followings, second seasons, and OVA’s.

A year or two after licensing it, the license expired for Higurashi. For nearly six years, the only copies you could get were out of print and estimating at $500 at the very least for a full collection. Single DVD’s could be found in rare shops, but it would take like 13 years to complete the fucking collection if you did it that way. And that was only for the first season. Second season, the best all of us could do was bootleg DVD’s from Japan Town or fansubs with glaring errors for the best season to Higurashi. We had to deal with this shit until Sentai Filmworks licensed and released the first 2 seasons and the Rei OVA’s.

AND NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME FUNIMATION IS CLAIMING HIGURASHI ALL FOR THEMSELVES?!

Where the shit was this love 10 years ago when we were asking politely to release Kai? People ignorantly blew Higurashi off for years because season two was never released in the states until 2016 because they thought the damn anime ended after Rena held up the school. I’m already irritated with FUNimation after the Interspecies Reviewers debacle and I’m still quite butt-hurt over them re-releasing Nichijou with a dub to make a quick buck. Licensing Higurashi just brings back old anger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy Higurashi is legally licensed and can be seen on at the very least Hulu. It’s just that I hold grudges and this was a big one.

THE DUB: Holy…um, okay! This is a rather big gulp to take in. As I’ve repeatedly mentioned in past reviews, the Higurashi dub was a mixed bag of okay, bad, and oh gasperts kill it with fire. So, not great! The good folks at Geneon (before bankrupting in America) dubbed the first season with a good chunk of folks that put their fake names to the credits. Again, not great! To me, there were some aspects of Megan Hollingshed, Mela Lee, and Grant George’s performances of Mion, Rena, and Keiichi that were okay. SOME! John Snyder and Karen Strassmen as Ooishi and Takano were the best out of that dub. Everything else was just irredeemable! It needed a redub, an overhaul, and a spit-shine. For years, I’ve wondered who would be the dream cast. Sentai Filmworks unfortunately never dubbed the remaining seasons when they released them. Would Luci Christian be the heavenly voice to do Rika Furude? Could we get Hilary Haag to do Satoko? Okay, that never came to pass.

This dub is a breath of fresh air. Rika doesn’t sound like Mihoshi. Satoko doesn’t sound fake, Keiichi doesn’t sound like a weird Sonic the Hedgehog. It’s perfect. ESPECIALLY BRITTANY LAUDA AS SATOKO! I knew the second she was cast as Satoko that she was going to excel the fuck out of this role. And I was not disappointed! The only voice I’m still not quite used to is Michelle Rojas as the Sonozaki twins. Probably because I was somewhat okay with Megan Hollingshed’s voice in the 2006 version that it’ll take some time! And we FINALLY got a voice for Hanyuu. I am super excited that Xanthe Huynh is the voice and I know she’ll do great with this role! With all of that said, here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Keiichi is now played by Khoi Dao (known for Kiriyama on March Comes in Like a Lion, Murata on Demon Slayer, Chaka on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Pt. 3, and Iskhan on SAO: Alicization)

*Rena is now played by Emi Lo

*Mion/Shion is now played by Michelle Rojas (known for Shizu Delta on Overlord, Touka on Assassination Classroom, Minase on Psycho Pass, Kanan on Love Live Sunshine, and Kusakai on Keijo!!!!!!!!)

*Rika is now played by Apphia Yu (known for Rio on Assassination Classroom, Marie on Black Clover, You on Love Live Sunshine, Victorique on Gosick, Natsumi on Danganronpa 3, and Laki on Fairy Tail)

*Satoko is now played by Brittany Lauda (known for Riko on Made in Abyss, Meidri on Interspecies Reviewers, Lessar on Index III, and Ichigo on Darling in the FranXX)

*Hanyuu is played by Xanthe Huynh (known for Menma on Anohana, Haru on Persona 5, Hanayo on Love Live, Hidomi on FLCL: Progressive, PallaPalla on Sailor Moon Super S [redub], and Sachi on SAO)

ANY CHANGES IN YOUR HATE-O-RADE:

Okay Medea, let-a-rip!

*inhales and exhales*

Teppei Hojo is trash. He is ultimate trash. This fucker needs to be murdered in every timeline. He is a turd in a Glenn Quagmire shirt. Him and his wife are trash. And when this pile of trash is cheating on that pile of trash, he sleeps with peak trash named Ritsuko. Teppei Hojo needs to die in every timeline. Whenever Keiichi bashes this cum-burger’s head in with a blunt instrument, I scream at the top of my lungs, “DIE SCUM, DIE”! And nothing, I repeat, NOTHING will change my opinion of Teppei Hojo.

Episode 23.

Oh, fuck you Higurashi Gou!

MUSIC: Okay, thank you for proving me wrong. I did not despise the opening theme. Having Higurashi with no Eiko Shimamiya is like having Pokemon with no Rika Matsumoto. Or Rozen Maiden with no ALI PROJECT. But this new opening is fine by my standards.

That’s right, get the niceness of the review before I get angry down below.

THESE TIMELOOPS: Rika tries to find solutions to end her time-loop in June 1983. Much like the original series, we follow stories from the Onikakushi-hen, Watanagashi-hen, and Tatarigoroshi-hen arcs (the first three stories to Higurashi, although now these have different names). However, all of these arcs have different endings. And after a positive turnaround with Satoko escaping from her abusive uncle, shit goes south when Detective Ooishi, who up to this point has never suffered under the Hinamizawa Syndrome or died a painful death goes on a murderous rampage. Higurashi style! That means, he’s after Rika Furude, will slaughter anyone in his way, and scratching his neck because he sees maggots (part of the hallucination effect).

What the shit? Ooishi for the most part has been a great guy. With the exception of the Tatarigoroshi-hen storyline, he was a nice guy! In the limbo with Hanyuu, Rika now remembers who has killed her. Every time Rika dies up to this point, she never remembers who was the cause of her demise. Hanyuu implanted that power to remember the deaths and a clue for Rika to use and then she disappears.

Now seriously, imagine Rika’s plight here. She has been repeating the month of June 1983 for over a hundred years. And each of these times she repeats, she’s horribly murdered. Rika got the shit-end of the deal in the murder department in the original series, including being dissected on while alive. Then, leaving her bloody, naked corpse out in the open of the Oyashiro altar! She’s tired of this shit! She wants to live a happy life away from Hinamizawa. She wants to grow older, become a teenager, and have fun. And this series made it worse by having her die four times in one episode. Not just that, but murdered by the most unexpected people including Akasaka, Chief Kimiyoshi, Mion’s mother Akane, and Keiichi. Keiichi has never killed Rika in any of the timelines up to this point. He has killed Mion and Rena, but never Rika. Keiichi loves Rika! Welcome back to A Million Ways to Die in Hinamizawa.

I’ll just add decapitation, drowning in a lake, set on fire, drowning in a sewage pipe, and death by…um…

Alexa, play Chandelier by Sia.

ENDING: We all know by now that in the original series, Miyo Takano is the betrayer and the reason behind all the murders during the Cotton Drifting Festival. This time, it’s someone closer to Rika that’s causing Rika so much pain. After we watched the worst kinds of murders happen to Rika, the episode after gave us our answer. Satoko, Rika’s friend and confidant is not happy that Rika is turning her back on Oyashiro and Hinamizawa. All the while pulling out her intestines!

Oh Higurashi, don’t stop being gory!

Yes, Satoko is aware of past timelines much like Rika and is almost on a god-like state. So what the hell happened to her? I know Satoko’s past has been a cluster-fuck of horror with her brother disappearing, her parents dying, and every form of abuse from her uncle. But she was able to prevail after all that. After surviving 1983, a lot has changed in Hinamizawa. The three big families of Hinamizawa put an end to the Cotton Drifting Festival and claiming there is no curse of Oyashiro. Mion and Shion moved on and are going to high school. And Rika decides she wants to move away from this village. By attending St. Lucia! And she wants to do this with Satoko.

Oh, if you don’t recall St. Lucia, Shion attended this academy until she escaped during the Meakashi-hen arc. It was also the same school that Ange from Umineko attended. But of course Ange attended it in the 90’s and we are clearly in the 80’s. Moving on!

Rika and Satoko studied their butts off for years and their hard work paid off as both were admitted into St. Lucia. Now Rika was able to prevail and fit in with everyone. Satoko on the other hand couldn’t do the same as her grades took a dip, her manners are atrocious, and she doesn’t seem to fit in with anyone. And this caused a drift between Rika and Satoko! And so during a trip to Hinamizawa, Satoko went to the old shrine where she ended up getting sent to that limbo place Rika and Hanyuu were at many times before. There, she meets Eua (God, I hope that really isn’t her name). She’s much like Hanyuu except a lot more condescending. Oh, and she’s that mysterious shadow during the opening theme. She bestows the power to Satoko of reviving on death and returning to a certain point in time. In the hopes that Satoko is able to stop Rika from going to St. Lucia! But Rika is not going to budge. She wants out of Hinamizawa no matter what. And Satoko just wants to be with her friend no matter what. Satoko is even shown Rika’s past and still no dent in…Okay, this is bugging the fuck outta me. Pause the Ending portion!

MY GRIPES WITH SATOKO: Satoko, girl, the fuck is wrong with you?! I know Rika is like your main chick and everything, but for fuck’s sake loosen the grip you have with Rika. This season has changed you and not for the better. You made a connection with ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS from Hinamizawa. Big connections! At least in the original series you did. Look at your moments with Keiichi and Shion. Are you just going to shove them off? And what really sets me off is that Satoko literally had the opportunity to learn about Rika’s hundred year’s loop of death. And feels nothing about it! Only that it’s a challenge to break her herself! God damn, at the end of season one, Keiichi learned the truth and he was remorseful. This bitch doesn’t care that her friends were murdered in such a way. And Rika’s been shot in the head, had a live dissection performed on her, and other forms of torture…AND IT DOESN’T FAZE SATOKO!

I know in my original Higurashi review, I felt sorry for Satoko as she did seem to get the short-end of the stick living in Hinamizawa. I mean, her parents died right in front of her, she suffered abuse from her uncle, abuse from her aunt, ostrisized by the town for years, and a myriad of all types of shit to befall her. But Higurashi Gou has ruined this character. Rika didn’t really do anything wrong to Satoko. She didn’t snitch on her when Satoko got in trouble. She offered help to Satoko when she thought her grades were slipping. Satoko just held onto this petty vendetta. Satoko acted like Rika sexually assaulted her and have two other people gang rape her while drugging her. Okay, that’s a call for revenge, not your petty shit.

YOU SEE WHERE I’M AT WITH YOU SATOKO?! Your actions are so bad that you have me siding with the protagonist from Redo of Healer.

REDO.

OF.

HEALER!!!

I’m done with you! Girl, bye! We now return you to my talk about the ending already in progress.

BACK TO THE ENDING: Sorry, had to get that off my chest. Yeah, Satoko is leaving a bad impression on many of us who have been following the Higurashi story for years. And it just gets worse as she uses her new power for petty shit and abusing it at that. I mean, we saw Rika use her power in order to find a way to live past June 1983. Satoko is just using that shit to win some games and have things go her way. What else could this series bless us with? How about an epiphany from Teppei Hojo?

What?!

Teppei changes for the better.

What?!

Look, I admit that these moments with Teppei and Satoko were tame compared to the shit she’s pulled in the last several episodes. But this is Teppei Hojo! The same guy that used Satoko as his personal punching bag! The same guy who fleeced Rena’s father! The same guy many of us who cheer every time we see him on a moped because we know someone’s going to bash his head in with a baseball bat. Even my best friend knows how I am with this guy. When she gave me Higurashi free swag, I took everything except for Teppei. I don’t take trash. So seeing him so remorseful makes me…conflicted.

So now Satoko’s got things turned around for her. Her uncle has…changed?! Add to that, her God-like power. Satoko decides to change the past for her own advantage. This includes changing one of the biggest stories in Higurashi Kai with the kids vs. Miyo Takano. If Rika doesn’t experience the pain in those timelines, she won’t think about leaving Hinamizawa. And if she doesn’t leave Hinamizawa, she’ll stay with Satoko forever.

Oh what a tangled web of crazy Higurashi Gou was! I gotta tell you, Higurashi got me excited all the way up until we learn it was Satoko. And then it went straight to Hell. They turned Satoko into a straight-up selfish monster. Totally unlike the Satoko we’ve all grown to love in the original series. Yes, Satoko had those moments where, yeah, you would want to throw a chair at her and beat her ass with it. But that was only temporary! You would always see the good in Satoko despite that mischievous laugh and those episodes in Higurashi Rei. And God help me, I was a shipper of Rika x Satoko 10 years ago. Not a big one, but a supporter of it. Now, I would rather support Amourshipping from Pokemon than root for this. And I despise the living fuck out of Amourshipping. That should tell you something!

If original Satoko were bestowed the powers from Eua, I think things would be different. Satoko would probably use her powers to prevent all the bad stuff from happening to her friends and to her brother Satoshi. I mean, my goodness, not once did I see her think, hey maybe I should find a way to help my ailing brother. Change a few timelines, make him all better! And of course, feel sympathy for Rika’s plight. Do it for Rika’s sake, not your own selfish desires! Rika has died horrificly for hundreds of years. And I seriously just can’t get over Satoko’s reaction to that when she learned the truth. Instead, she wants to treat Rika like a caged bird. Best friend my ass!

Now can Higurashi SOTSU fix the hot mess of Satoko? Time will only tell! And good on them for having Higurashi air in the summertime. Summertime is for Higurashi! Autum is for Umineko. Speaking of, it’s been since 2009. Any chance you want to give Umineko the old reboot or sequel it sorely needs? Oh forget it! My likeness for this season is conflicted. I was annoyed by it, but I didn’t fully hate it. It’s just that last arc with Satoko really burned my beans. And I’m sure a lot of you all feel the same way.

Guys, if you want to watch Higurashi Gou, do yourselves a favor and watch the original series first. Let that swirl around your heads for a while. I know the creator tricked us at the beginning of this series thinking it was going to be an honest-to-God retelling. It is not! It is a sequel. And a sequel that isn’t based off a game or manga of all things. So fans are jumping into this with eyes closed! And if you’re a fan of Satoko Hojo, I’m sorry. I’m just sorry.

If you want to check out Higurashi Gou, it is available to watch on FUNimation and Hulu. But please, if you haven’t watched the original series, go to HI-DIVE now and watch “When They Cry” and “When They Cry Kai”. I think you can manage without watching any of the OVA’s.

I’d rather watch that Kira OVA where the fanservice is thin, you can practically lick off the whipped cream from the Sonozaki’s tit.

That should tell you something if I’m starting to say something nice about Higurashi Kira.

See you in a few months when Higurashi SOTSU comes out.

[bobdylanrevisited]

Blood On The Tracks

Released: 20 January 1975

Rating: 10/10

Often regarded as Dylan’s greatest album, and potentially the greatest album of all time, it’s hard to disagree. Released on Columbia Records following Bob starting a relationship with an employee whilst his marriage to Sara was crumbling following the 1974 tour, the record is actually two different recording sessions. One was in New York, with a much more mellow feel, the other was in Minneapolis with a backing band, following Dylan’s brother stating that the New York songs sounded too similar. Whilst the original recordings are available on the Bootleg Series Vol. 14: More Blood, More Tracks, and are fucking fantastic in their own right, the final product is a thing of inconceivable genius. It’s an album that perfectly captures the turbulence of divorce, love, longing, and self reflection, and is easily the most beautifully written collection of songs ever released.

1) Tangled Up In Blue - Once again, Bob opens the album with one his best ever compositions. A non-linear tale of love and loss which would rival the postmodern writing style of Kerouac and Ginsberg. The story he tells here is both sweet and tragic, filled with nostalgia and longing for a companion. Potentially partially biographical in nature, the lyrics are among his very best, relatively simple at face value, but filled with references and meaning that could take a lifetime to fully digest. His voice continues to sound more mature and even quite commercial, though his brilliant nasal twang is still present, particularly when he hits the title line. This Minneapolis version is astonishing, it may be the perfect song, though the slower and more chilled out New York recording is equally as brilliant. Although for me the defining performance is the one found on his 1984 live album ‘Real Live’, which completely alters most of the lyrics, something Bob carries on doing to this day.

2) Simple Twist Of Fate - A beautiful track about the cruel nature of fate and losing a soul mate. The song talks of the life cycle of a relationship, through metaphor and abstract imagery that wouldn’t be amiss on ‘Blonde On Blonde’, and feels like a dream sequence that ends with waking up alone and confused. The walking bass in the background and soft acoustic strumming create a relaxed and almost floaty tune that only elevates the vivid lyrics. As this is the ‘divorce’ album, the song ends with the lover being gone and Dylan deep in regret, and whilst he says this record is based on the work of Chekhov, I believe this is how Bob viewed and dealt with his separation. Sara came into his life through fate, and he let her slip through his fingers, it’s a moving song that is drenched in a need to understand the confusing and painful side of love.

3) You’re A Big Girl Now - Bob is begging for forgiveness here, promising to change and asking to be taken back as he sings through tears. I do take issue with the idea of Bob saying it pains him to see Sara walking away from him given his infidelity, however he does accept that it is entirely her decision and he is pleading his case. Ultimately, despite the brilliant performance Bob gives of desperation and pain, along with some great piano and guitar playing from his band, I do think this is the weakest song on the album due to the lyrics bordering on self pitying. It’s still a great song, I just don’t think Dylan comes across the best here. The rest of the record focuses on either anger, sadness, or regret, whereas here it seems he’s focusing on himself and almost being absolved of his own wrongdoings.

4) Idiot Wind - Though Bob claims this isn’t about the causes of the breakdown of his marriage, I think we all can take that to mean that it definitely is. It also happens to be the best song on the album, Bob is snarling his way through an epic poem of accusations and falsehoods, betrayal and bitterness. It harks back to his finger pointing songs of 10 years earlier, and it doesn’t hold punches against the press and those who had been circulating rumours about both him and Sara. It’s fucking amazing, Bob sounds genuinely enraged and yet also confused at the exaggerated actions he’s having to defend or downplay. Not only are the lyrics both chaotic and fascinating, the organ playing is superb. Throughout the 7:47 minute song, every time Bob sings ‘Idiot Wind’ it’s like a direct insult to those who meddled in his relationship, as well as another nail in the coffin of his once happy marriage.

5) You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go - It’s been argued as to whom was making Bob lonesome, is it Sara or his Columbia girlfriend? Either way, it’s quite a happy sounding song that’s actually a heartbreaking tale of loss and reluctance to accept life moving on. Bob invokes the poets Verlaine and Rimbaud’s turbulent relationship, with Bob very much being the Rimbaud of the 20th Century, to describe the breakdown of love and happiness leading to feeling alone and self-reflection. As with the whole album, the backing band sound great alongside Bob’s relaxed vocal style and joyous harmonica, and the song creates a tragic feeling of putting on a brave, upbeat facade as life goes on. It’s undeniably becoming much sadder and, as the title suggests, much more lonesome, but Bob attempts to carry on and learn from his mistakes. It’s a hard message to convey in under 3 minutes, but Bob’s pained and honest writing from this period manages it perfectly.

6) Meet Me In The Morning - Musically, this is the best song on the album. All the instruments have a brilliant bluesy feel to them, and Dylan’s voice matches this style, with his nasal tone elongating phrases and making him sound like the blues singers of old. From what I can gather, the protagonist of the song is asking his lover to a rendezvous, but waits from dawn to dusk with no appearance from her. Throughout the song he wishes they could be elsewhere, and compares his love and longing to the darkness of the night and the setting of the sun. It’s a difficult song to unpack as Dylan is the master of mysterious and metaphorical storytelling, but understanding every line really doesn’t matter here. The song itself is a joy to listen to, proving that Dylan shouldn’t just be applauded for his lyricism, but also his ability to compose and record with various musicians to achieve a specific and memorable sound.

7) Lily, Rosemary And The Jack Of Hearts - I’ll quickly mention that Dylan and his harmonica sound amazing on this song, as do the backing band who evoke the sound and atmosphere of the cabarets of old. However, it would be impossible to do the lyrics to this song justice in one small paragraph. This song is the ‘Desolation Row’ of the album, a sprawling epic poem featuring a host of characters in various criminal and romantic encounters. It’s an incredible piece of work, more interesting and exciting than most of what we see on the silver screen. I urge you to fully immerse yourself into the world Dylan creates here, as for nearly 9 minutes, he and his band weave a perfect story worthy of Homer.

8) If You See Her, Say Hello - This song reminds me of ‘Girl From The North Country’. It’s about passing on well wishes to a former lover, letting them know you’re still thinking about them, even though they’ve left your life and moved on. The lyrics are heartbreaking, as Bob remarks that the love still burns within him, but he wants to ensure this information isn’t passed on to her. A brilliantly moving and desperate song once again, with another beautiful backing arrangement and a pained voice longing to rekindle what he has lost.

9) Shelter From The Storm - A love song that focuses on being saved, clearly Bob is talking about Sara and his needing to be rescued from the hurricane of fame, drugs, and parting of 1965 when they met. It’s a romantic story featuring religious imagery, showing Bob’s true feelings towards how he viewed himself and the period of life that was now being ripped apart by his actions. The near angelical way he describes Sara, and his ending thoughts on how he still feels about her nurturing and caring personality, are a far cry from some of the earlier tracks on the album, but this feels like perhaps the most personal song on the record. The stripped back instrumentation allow the bittersweet lyrics to take centre stage, with Bob again sounding much more mature and accessible with his relaxed vocal style. Whilst this version is incredible, I’d also recommend the live 1976 recording on ‘Hard Rain’. The song is much rockier, Bob barks the lyrics, and it sounds fucking brilliant.

10) Buckets Of Rain - The album closes with a genuinely lovely track, both simple and sweet as it addresses a lover. The melody is delicate and Dylan’s singing is soft and full of warmth. There’s not much else to say about this beautiful song, other than it feels like Bob showing us that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that everything will work out in the end.

Verdict: I could happily just listen to this album until the day I die. If Dylan going electric is the most important musical moment of the 1960s, then this release is the 1970s equivalent. It’s pure art, it captures a feeling most struggle to internally process, let alone articulate in such a poetic and moving way at only 33 years old. The lyricism on this one record alone proves Bob is the greatest poet of the 20th Century. Even the outtakes from this album, especially ‘Up To Me’, are better than most artists creative peak. This may be Dylan’s most personal record (despite his insistence that it is not autobiographical), and I imagine it will be studied for centuries to come as his magnum opus. In typical Bob style, he would bizarrely head out on an exhaustive tour called the ‘Rolling Thunder Revue’, playing at small venues with a band that resembled a circus show, whilst his family life continued to disintegrate. But before he managed to capture the spirit of these carnival-esque performances, he gave permission for some mythical recordings from 1967 to finally be released.

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► run away.

date(s): december 2020 mentions of: n/a word count: +/- 1.7k words (+/- 1k words w/ lyrics on songwriting, +/- 700 words on the composition) warnings: mentions of anxiety and general mental health problems details: full lyrics and full composition verification for run away, 2/3 verifications for jaewon’s upcoming album escapism. jaewon tries to prove he’s capable of writing music that’s worthy of the titletrack status and in doing so tries to branch out from what he’s used to, blending together what he knows works for him uncharted territory. all in all, things could have gone worse (a/n: i don’t know shit about composing pls take all of this with a grain of salt.)

by default, park jaewon is a creature of habit, prefers to find one set way to do things that works for him and deviate as little as possible from that. he likes certainty and avoiding unnecessary risk, anything to leave as little room for error as possible. making mistake might be a learning experience but not with how dead terrified jaewon is of doing things wrong, how he doesn’t know how to face failure without it determining his entire sense of selfworth. 

songwriting is no different from that. most of the time jaewon writes, it’s structurally planned, deadlines and expectations to be met firmly in place, his work method like clockwork, almost mechanical. it doesn’t sound very profound, it definitely doesn’t suit the mental image most people have of the turbulent, disordered creative process of a real artist. not like jaewon can bring himself to care about whether or not his songwriting methods are deemed deep or profound enough in the eyes of other people, he had better things to care about.

like the album dimensions wanted him to write on short notice.

not that jaewon is complaining, everything but, getting his creative freedom back, it has been a long grueling process to get to this point but he is on a bit of a time crunch here. ‘our songs’ has only ended a mere couple of days ago but with a tentative release date of late winter to early spring, jaewon has his work cut out for him.

in such a time crunch, it makes sense to stick to his usual routine, go with what he is used to.

except jaewon doesn’t.

maybe ‘our songs’ has him feeling experimental for once, maybe he doesn’t want to risk falling victim to not only old habits but also old pitfalls, he’s not really sure what it is but for once, he starts with the lyrics.

that shouldn’t be very remarkable, not for most artists, but jaewon has already religiously stuck to his order of first creating an instrumental and then fitting his lyrical content to it rather than the other way around, starting from zero on that is quite the step, for him at least.

this song, it’s supposed to be title track material, to set the tone for the entire album straight away. if he gets this right by both his own standards and dimensions’, he gets to more or less free range on crafting this album to his liking. and to jaewon, lyrical content has always outweighed sound, as nice as a good beat is, it’s the content of a song that he identifies with, that he feels proudest of.

so writing a song about a breakup doesn’t seem evident.

run away, back off from me run away, far away from me

because that’s what it seems to shape up to be at first glance when he starts writing, themes of heartache, putting distance between yourself and your lover because as much as it might hurt on short notice, it will be the better option long term. and maybe it’s about that too, life isn’t clear cut one thing or the other so why should music be.

but it isn’t primarily that. 

because the urge to run away isn’t an unfamiliar sensation to jaewon, it’s the thrum of anxiety under his skin, the voice in the back of his mind keeping him hyper aware of how awful of a person he is, how he fails those around him. 

at the end of the day, that’s what he wants to run away from most.

if there is anyone he wants to take as much distance from as possible, it’s himself.

go away so you get out of my sight let me forget everything from your name to your face so that when I’m looking for you while i’m drunk i can’t recognize you even when you are right up close i will give up while i am looking

so maybe it is a break-up song. it’s undoubtedly a break-up song. but not about breaking off from other people.

it’s cutting ties with his past self, who he has been, with the years bitterness that have culminated in hurtful habits and patterns. 

i will run away first along the torn shapes before sadness will take place and harden up i’ll run away

he’s not broken away from them completely yet. park jaewon would never have to gal to call himself a good person, it would be a bald-faced lie. but even he has to admit that there has been progress.

he might not be there yet but it’s something. that gets to be said as well right? it’s been a gruelling process so far, he gets to celebrate the small victories.

it reminds him of when he wrote ‘rebirth’ for his first album, almost two years ago at this point. back then, ‘rebirth’ had been a starting point, the turn around to doing better. sure, he wasn’t at the finish yet but he had moved forward, that was something.

something is good, a lot better than he has gotten a lot of previous years.

that in itself made it worthy of its own song really.

you’ve gone a long way into thin air the sun has gone down without looking back even once

finishing the first draft feels like a burden relieved, a weight taken off his shoulder as he has gained the perspective to reflect back on what has been.

his flaws are still plenty, he could never deny that. jaewon doubts he’ll ever grow out of all of them, some parts carved into his personality that he doubts he’ll ever be able to take them out. 

but for now he’s still moving forward, still growing and everyone past scar healed over is one, one step closer to finding some semblance of peace within himself, within his own person.

all he has to do is keep running.

---------------

with a rough draft of the lyrics done, he still needs an instrumental and for that, he trades the comfort of his home studio for one of the more richly equipped ones in the dimensions headquarters. it feels a bit silly to make a distinction but jaewon always prefered writing from home and composing from within the company building, both surroundings better tailored to a different part of the creative process. or well in his experience at least.

it takes some fumbling, the kind of awkward stumble that comes with deviating from old habits and making up a plan as one goes. matching melody to lyrics rather than words to melody are most definitely not the same thing but just reversed, jaewon quickly learns the hard way, especially not in a rap track where really, the flow can make or break the whole thing.

so it’s a bit of a struggle, the first few hours fiddling around with sounds and beats that ultimately lead to nothing, that turns out he doesn’t know how to mold to his lyrics in a way that leaves him satisfied.

but like with most things in life, there is a learning curve. with every bit he scraps, he comes closer to the sound he’s actually searching for. 

and jaewon makes a genuine effort to branch out, try something new for a change. much like his lyrics, his usual composing also falls victim to sticking too closely to what he’s familiar with, deep, muted sounds to convey the somber undertone of his lyrics, a slow drawl to instrumental, mainly focussing on drums and bass lines, moody and dark.

so this time, his instruments of choice are synths. different types of synths at different points, trying his best to branch out, create an instrumental that’s fun and surprisingly at all turns but in essence, when one dumbs it down, the main theme is truly just… synths.

that’s not a bad thing, it is breaching out of his comfort zone for sure. funnily enough, the more he works on it, the more the instrumental reminds him of something that could have been on his previous album. ironic, considering jaewon spent the better part of the year loathing ‘love language’ with every fiber of his being. 

looking back on it with a fresh perspective, jaewon has to admit that while he didn’t like the music for himself, far too flashy and corny. but in terms of playing around with the composition and production, whoever had worked on that album (jaewon doesn’t know, it sure wasn’t him) was a lot more creative than he was.

surely he can do something like that on his own devices as well right? surely he can branch out from his typical song structure and prove he’s grown as a composer.

the bounce of the synths and the bass has a cosmic feel to it, the flow of the song twisting at every turn where sections bleed into another with bells and trinkets attached to the transitions. 

for added effect, jaewon records the whistling curling around the edges of the verses that ties them to an end before shifting into the chorus himself, by the time he’s done putting them through editing it doesn’t sound all that human anymore, morphed into something more surreal sounding, blending into that not-quite terrestrial vibe that seems to arch over the song. 

the drop in the chorus is hardly creative, jaewon doubts a beat drop can still be at this point but it does add to the immersion of the song, like getting your head dunked in a bath of ice water, stripping down on the whimsical rhythm patterns laced through the verses and stripping down to raw desperation of the song, the harrowing undertone of running for your life.

he adds bits and pieces like that, layer by layer, until the song itself sounds just as meticulously thought out as the lyrics rather than just a bare structure built underneath them.

when he gives the draft a final reason before sending it off to the creative department, jaewon can’t help but think he never created something that sounds so complete before.

[dailytomlinson]

It’s been a long and turbulent four-year road for Louis Tomlinson. Since his band, One Direction, announced their ‘indefinite hiatus’ in 2016, Tomlinson has struggled to find a professional path that suitably represents him as an artist. As he gears up to finally release his long-awaited debut album Walls this coming January, the singer-songwriter finally feels comfortable in his own skin, finding his own unique Britpop-inspired sound which has been spurred on by the resentment towards a diluting of his vision in a bid to find radio play in the States. Tomlinson, it is safe to say, has finally found his feet and, with a new record label firmly behind him and a renewed energy propelling his every move, the 27-year-old is now a man on a mission with two fingers in the air and a point to prove.

His remarkable story really needs no introduction. Plucked from a crowd of hopefuls auditioning for the X-Factor in 2010, the then 18-year-old singer was placed alongside Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Zayn Malik by Simon Cowell much to the joy of their growing social media fanbase. Just 12 months later their debut album, Up All Night, was released and propelled the group to international fame. In the six fast and furious years as a band One Direction tour relentlessly, released five hit records and became unfathomably rich in the process. For Tomlinson, however, the immediate highs were quickly met by severe lows when it all came suddenly crashing down. The end of the band, the media relentlessly pursuing his private life, personal tragedy and more have followed. Now though, with a renewed vigour and clarity for his future, Tomlinson has picked himself up and is about to carve out his own niche of pop music. I met Tomlinson in a back bar of a central London hotel as I self-consciously began to consider the possibility that I may be underdressed for the occasion. Thankfully though—and much to my relief—he arrived casually dressed in a brown quarter-zip jacket, jeans and Adidas trainers which arrived as a refreshing change in reference to the typical, modern-day pop star. Having travelled down to London from Yorkshire that day, with my editor’s words ringing in my ears, the somewhat opulent surroundings of our meeting lacked the relaxing edge I was hoping for. It must be said that interviews with musicians of international fame can be tricky — especially when they have a new album to sell. With media training, PR managers typically watching over and a sense ill-trust with the media, it will come as little surprise that popstars can be standoffish in interviews. Despite my initial trepidation though, Tomlinson greeted me with immense warmth and immediately offered to get a couple of beers in from the bar—the first sign that our conversation would follow the laid-back pattern I was hoping for. After we’d sat down and had a sip of lager, our Yorkshire accents clashing, my mind turned to his recent performance of his last single ‘We Made It’ on Children In Need. Tomlinson looked in his element, like he’d finally found his feet as a solo artist—something that hasn’t been an easy adjustment for him to make in the last few years. “Yeah, naturally I feel as any fucking solo star finds – the longer you’re in it, the more experienced you get, the more confident you get. I think it took me a second to work out who I am musically, to fully detach from One Direction and stuff but I feel like I’m there now so, naturally, I’m more confident in my songwriting ability, I’m more confident performing, singing and all of that, so it feels good.” Following the split from the band, it did feel from the outside looking in that there was no clear direction where his solo career was going to take him. With collaborations with the likes of Steve Aoki and Bebe Rexha, both of which performed commercially well, there was a creative direction that left more questions than answers. Earlier this year, he took to social media to make a statement to claim that he was turning a page, that he was fed up with writing to a formula in a bid to chase radio play and instead he wanted to make music he loved. That moment was the beginning of the second chapter in his solo career, which he expands on looking while back at that difficult time with more than a pinch of honesty as always, disclosing: “Yeah but I’m not going to lie, it’s still something that I’m fighting up against if I’m being honest. I mean, because there’s constant opinion around me and you know a lot of people do want to focus towards radio—which I do understand—but what bugs me is just how much it limited me — especially because what I grew up listening to on pop radio is very different to what’s on pop radio now and because I couldn’t see a place for myself. I thought that it wasn’t not going to be authentic because I’m going to be trying to sound like what’s on the radio. Today, in 2019 more than ever, people can spot bullshit. So yeah, I think since that moment I’ve always been conscious of that and as I say it is a constant battle, but I think I’m winning at the moment.” The state of mainstream radio is something that Tomlinson is passionate about. As an artist who aims to make songs that are accessible to the masses without compromising integrity at the same time, Louis appears to be well versed on the shift in the popular musical landscape: “If I’m being honest, I didn’t actively search for stuff because it was on pop radio,” he said while discussing the change in approach to consuming music. “Especially a band like Catfish and The Bottlemen,” he adds after a moment of contemplation. “When I was growing up they would definitely, definitely, be on every radio and I think those bands are very important and now I have to actively search for them or listen to the right station.” He continues, “Also, I think it took me a second to come out and say what my influences are because I know what people expect from someone who has been in a boyband and stuff like that.” With this lightbulb moment, Tomlinson wanted to detail more about the inner workings of his creative process, how collaborating with like-minding musicians helped free his thought process. “Once I’d had this epiphany and put this message on social media, at that point I’d done four songs that are still on the album. I think ‘Kill My Mind’ was actually a turning point, I wrote it with a guy called Jamie Hartman and the next session we had together we wrote ‘Walls’ which is the title track for the album and is going to be my next single. I think from that moment it unlocked something and we got some momentum so then the second half of the album was written relatively quickly but I think as I say it being transitional I’d have loved 10 ‘Kill My Mind’s’ but maybe the next record.” ‘Kill My Mind’ looks and sounds like the first step towards the definitive direction that the Yorkshireman is aiming for. It has a punchy Hot Fuss era Killers’ chorus and is more reminiscent of the type of music that Tomlinson himself loves. “That’s probably the proudest I’ve been of a song because that is genuinely a song that I fucking love listening to and that’s not necessarily always the case when you’re playing for radio all the time. It didn’t get the attention that I think it quite deserved but that’s the way it is.” The shift towards the guitar-led music, which bucks the trend with current chart-toppers, is the path that the 27-year-old is determined to follow. A recent writing session with Australian indie giants DMA’s had popped up in our conversation and the beaming smile across Tomlinson’s face said it all: “I’ve hung out with those boys (DMA’s) actually, one night because we were in the same studio and I’ve written together with [them] before,” he said before clarifying that the drinks were flowing which resulted in an unfinished recording. When probed on whether this is something he’d like to re-visit at a later date, Tomlinson expanded with an eye firmly on the future: “The DMA’s session was a bit of an experiment, to be honest, when I look at my solo career I’m looking at it as a five, six or seven-year plan. I realise this from doing the DMA’s one, I would fucking love to do an album full of them but it’s a transition you know what I mean, I’ve got to understand the fan base and what they want. I don’t want anything to be so drastic so in my eyes, it’s a two, three even four-album progression before I get there and I also think to write those kinds of songs that I love I need to have more experience as a songwriter as well.” For someone who has had such rich successes in their career to date, the singer-songwriter does seem to have struggled with his self-confidence since going solo—but this year seems to have changed that. One song that stands out is ‘Two of Us’, a track which was released earlier this year is a tribute to his late Mother who tragically passed in 2017. Tomlinson’s life was then struck by more devastation following his sister’s sudden death in March this year. ‘Two of Us’ clearly carries a heavy weight of emotion. Created from the inner workings of Tomlinson’s grief, the song is by a distance the most personal release in his entire career to date. Despite that, the track manages to find the universal within the personal as it’s lyrics resonate for anyone who has ever lost anybody close to them—myself included. While our conversation remained on this topic I was keen to know whether these heart-breaking events had impacted his professional epiphany, whether the personal grief had allowed him to stop worrying about the chart and instead focusing more on enjoying the ride: “When I wrote ‘Two Of Us’ that was something I never really had with music before where I like to think every lyric has meant something. There was a different emotional weight with that song and just hearing people’s stories about what it meant to them and how they related to it, that was amazing for me.” “If I’m being honest what made me have my epiphany was me spitting my fucking dummy out because I was sick of being put in writing sessions which I couldn’t relate to, or people trying to pull me in a certain way to work on American radio. I could probably have commercial success like that, but I’ve got the luxury of having had that already with One Direction and I thought ‘what does success mean to me?’ I just thought I’ve got to follow my fucking heart and if I can win like that it’s like a double win you know what I mean.” One Direction’s immediate success was unprecedented for a British boyband. Together they conquered the world with their debut Up All Night going straight to number one in the States and shifting more than 4.5million copies globally. Just one to this moment, Tomlinson was an 18-year-old living for the weekend in Doncaster—but he was determined not to let his newfound fame change him: “Yeah I was always pretty resistant to it [fame] to be honest, I always say that when I got famous, when I first got put in band, that I was having the best year of my life. So, it was a lot to deal with to leave my favourite year behind and to be doing something else where you’re working really hard. The personal and professional problems that have occurred in recent years appears to have given Tomlinson a remarkable sense of life experience. Despite still being so young, despite having lived a whirlwind life, he still has the ability to self reflect on with a grounded honesty. “Being from Donny you don’t expect to get that kind of opportunity and I then got put into the band and then had to deal with everything on the job. Honestly, it was a fucking incredible time in my life that shaped me as an artist and shaped me as a person, I saw some amazing things but it is also nice now to have a little bit more free time because we were so fucking busy and also you know stand on my own two feet and say this is who I am.” “As far as what’s on my checklist of a credible artist you know they have to write their own tunes, that was always important to me and I did a lot of writing in the band which I think gave me the incredible experience to write now. It was like a crash course, there were so many sessions and I think it’s put me in good stead, but I feel like I’m always getting better as a writer man I feel like with every song I learn a little bit more.” Although, it’s clear from speaking with Tomlinson that he looks back on those years he spent with the band with all the fondness in the world. Yet the media attention that came with all the success was something that got the better of him at times. “That was hard and I’ve often envied artists from an era where smartphones weren’t around. There were definitely some days where it got the better of me. I suppose you’ve got to be selective on where you go and I learned the hard way from a few different people that you can’t trust. Some people want something out of you and it took me a second to understand, but again I think that helps me have a thicker skin in the real world outside of my job. There are times when I’ve gone through difficult things in my life and I’ve thought certain people haven’t been amazing but it’s part of it, fuck it.” As our conversation then meandered toward the split of the band and what life was like for Tomlinson after exiting the world of One Direction— which was all that he had known for the entirety of his adult life up until that point. A sense of honest emotion entered his voice, a moment that seemingly suggested that this permanent change was something that was taken from his own control: “It was good to be back doing normal things but I wasn’t ready for the band to go on a break and it came as a shock for me,” Tomlinson exclusively told Far Out Magazine. “It definitely wasn’t my choice but I understand why the decision was made and there’s a good argument for that. I’m enjoying expressing myself now but it rocked me for a time and for a bit and I didn’t know what I was going to do,” he said, vehemently. From the tone in his voice, it is obvious that the subject is still a relatively raw one for Tomlinson who initially struggled to find the right sound for him following the split of the band—a factor stemmed from his initial reluctance to move solo. From the gravitas of the moment to the importance of his first steps back into music, it was clear that Tomlinson wasn’t ready to be going out on his own so soon after the band’s breakup—a learning curve which other members of the group seemed to overcome in different ways. The break was initially thought to be just that ‘a break’, but nearly four years after the announcement there are still no signs that the group is entertaining ideas of reuniting anytime soon. With Louis Tomlinson set to release his debut album in January, Liam Payne’s debut LP1 out next month, Harry Styles’ second offering, Fine Line, being made available on December 13th and Niall Horan working on the follow-up to his 2017 Flicker, the One Direction members are firmly in solo mode. Tomlinson acknowledges that during the final One Direction tour he began to accept that the break was inevitable, admitting: “It had kind of been brewing and we knew the conversation might be coming around but it was just one of those things. It was always going to happen, we were always going to take a break, but I think there are always people who are going to take things better than others.” Looking on the bright side, however, since the break he has been allowed to live a bit more of a quieter life. From speaking with Tomlinson I get the sense that he’s in this because he loves the music, appreciates the love he gets from fans and loves playing live. However, the celebrity lifestyle that comes with it isn’t why he’s in this game. “I think I can definitely have a bit more of a balance now, there are obviously times when I’m releasing songs or releasing album when it’s really ramped up and It’s hard but definitely easier in those off times to have the balance because otherwise when you’re so busy it’s impossible to literally fit everybody into your life. It’s definitely nicer having more time to do normal fucking things,” he adds with an almost sigh of relief. Tomlinson’s solo career, which has found its feet with emphatic effect and is currently flying high with a sold-out world tour and highly anticipated debut on the horizon, was something that the singer himself had never initially envisioned. With Tomlinson originally wanting to take a back seat in the music industry following the end of the band, he revealed exclusively to Far Out: “I’m not going to lie it hit me hard but it definitely inspired me to get on with my own solo career because it wasn’t something I was always going to do. I was just going to write songs and just hopefully send them to other people and stuff like that, but everything happens for a reason, so they say anyway.” As the careers of all five members of the band have all taken off, with each turning into different avenues sonically, our conversation then turned to the competitive nature between the band since they went their separate ways. Typically, the avid Doncaster Rovers fan opting to use a hugely specific football analogy to describe the relationship with his former bandmates: “I could be wrong but I think we’ve all got that in us, there’s a competitive side to everyone. I can only speak from personal experience, and as time goes on you understand the differences. It’s not all that relevant but I liken to the feeling at first was that you’ve all been at Barcelona’s youth academy, so we’ll call One Direction ‘Barcelona’ and then we’ve all been put off at different clubs and that takes a second to understand and compute but we’re all still lucky to be able to do it as solo artists.” Having time off to relax over the last few years for the first time since stepping foot for his X-Factor audition all those years ago, Tomlinson seems to have returned with a renewed love for music and everything that comes with it. For a while, it appears the music was falling second in line to all the hysteria that surrounded his fame—a situation that has been duly rectified. Next year will see him return to Doncaster as part of his world tour for a very special homecoming and, with that mention, his face lights up with a grin on his face the size of South Yorkshire: “It’s going to be class, I can’t wait for Donny Dome. I don’t feel like my career has fully started until I do that first tour show, it’s all well and good writing songs, releasing songs, doing all the promo and everything that comes with it but the most important fucking thing is that you put on a good show. I started realising the longer that I’ve been in this that there’s a level of importance in these nights to people, especially the avid fanbase that I’m lucky enough to have. You can see from the reactions and look into people’s eyes and see what certain lyrics meant to them.” What struck me the most from the time I spent with the singer-songwriter was just how grounded he was, seemingly bereft of any level of arrogance and still just that same local lad from Doncaster who began this journey ten years ago. His working-class Yorkshire heritage, he told me, is what has made him the man he is today: “You’ve got to be fucking humble where we’re from you know what I mean? Because otherwise you get called out like ‘who the fuck do you think you are?’”. The greatest takeaway from our conversation is that Louis Tomlinson is still that music enthusiast that entered the music industry in 2010 who, despite all the success and fame, has managed to stay grounded. With surreal highs came earth-shattering lows—all of which has shaped him in one way or another. Instant success is no longer what he seeks with it now being about the long game for him, this change in attitude is a sign of maturity for Tomlinson who no longer losing sleep about pleasing streaming algorithms. Having been sitting at the mountain top of the music industry for almost a decade, it seems it is only now he is really getting started with a long-term plan of where he wants his solo-career to go. With a strong sense of support around him, his future and creative vision is firmly in his own hands. With an abundance of experience behind him and has renewed enthusiasm, Louis Tomlinson is finally ready to find his own direction. Walls is available on 31st January via Sony Music, for tickets to his world tour – visit here for tickets.

[joemuggs]

James Blake: Before Before

James Blake has a new EP out, called ‘Before’. It’s really good. I like him, he’s authentic. I’ve spoken to him on and off since he very first released music, and it’s been interesting to see his transformation from north London bohemian to LA superstar bohemian. Below is the text of the first time I interviewed him - I think the first feature length interview he did - from Mixmag in 2010. 

James Blake is good at confounding expectations. At a recent gig at Shoreditch's warehouse-like XOYO, Mixmag saw the 22-year-old play a super-heavyweight mutant dubstep set, then immediately afterwards start larking about with Beyonce and Ms Dynamite tunes, much to the delight of the messy ravers – and yet the tune that's getting him known outside clubland is the deeply odd Feist cover 'Limit to your Love' with its haunted croon and folky repetitions. So, when we catch up with him in a Brixton pub a few days after the gig, we make a point of asking him what his ultimate musical ambition is – thinking it might reveal a common thread that draws these disparate sides together. "I'd like to play a solo piano show at Carnegie Hall," he says without hesitation, referring to one of the most renowned classical venues in the world, which has also played host to legendary shows by the likes of the Beatles and Pink Floyd; "maybe not even singing, just the piano." We think he means it.

That's how he is, though: pretty much every tune he's put out so far has come as a curveball. Going from the soulful mutant dubstep of 'CMYK' – which has ruled underground clubs all year – to the four tracks of gorgeous, weightless piano-laced electronica on his 'Klavierwerke' EP alone was a more radical shift than most artists his age would even think of making. But to then not only make the leap to the intense weirdness of 'Limit to your Love', but to make it work to the point where it is all over radio and sitting alongside 'CMYK' in everyone's “best of 2010” lists demonstrates a boldness that it making heads spin throughout the industry, and generating the sort of anticipation for his major label album that doesn't come around often. In a climate of insane gener meltdowns and turbulence stirred up by dubstep's big push into the mainstream, he truly is the maverick's maverick.

So, we ask him, what is with all of these stylistic shifts? “I get bored!” he laughs. “When I get a sound, like the 'Klavierwerke' tracks, I will just do it and do it until I literally can't do it any more, so then I just have to move on and do something different.” There's an intense air about James, not in the nerdy or over-serious way you sometimes get with electronica musos – quite the opposite, in fact: he's fun and engaging company, and our interview quite frequently gets derailed into just chatting away merrily about tunes, nights out and mutual acquaintances – but nonetheless with a fierce intelligence on display and a maturity way beyond his years. He'll fix you in the eye when he speaks, but often, especially when talking about music that he loves, his gaze will divert up and to the side, darting back and forth as if browsing some inner database to locate exactly the right reference, and he speaks with the clarity and lucidity of someone who has spent a serious amount of time thinking about their plans and beliefs.

As you might expect given the strangeness and diversity of his music, James's upbringing as an only child in the London suburb of Enfield, wasn't entirely conventional. His artist mother and singer/guitarist dad never listened to pop radio but played vintage blues and soul constantly – then as soon as James took up playing the piano his musical interest focused 100% on that. “I listened to Art Tatum and Errol Garner, and I listened to Bach and Satie and Chopin,” he explains; “it wasn't about being into a style, it wasn't a jazz thing or a classical thing, it was just piano, just technique.” And that was that – until finally he discovered dubstep as a teenager, and instantly realised that this could be, as he puts it, “a vehicle” for his musical ideas. “It was,” he says, “just massive for me.”

Listening to the likes of DMZ's Mala made him realise that electronic music had possibilities like the blues he grew up with: “it has that thing where if the ideas and the personality of the artist are strong enough, they can do whatever the fuck they like – Mala could take one simple idea and stretch it out for ages, and it would just work because it's him, and because it has that dread and intensity, and you go with it because you trust him.” It also gave him a way to be musically creative without simply relying on his previous schooling. “When I hear a producer is 'classically trained',” he scowls, “I'm suspicious, to me it's usually a euphemism for 'doesn't have any ideas'. Just because you can read the dots on the score and play complex pieces doesn't mean you have any ability to come up with something new.”

Music production took over his life completely from then on. “I went through a lot of shit, but once I got to 18, 19,” he says, “I just decided that I didn't really give a shit about anyone else. Not friends, not girls – I mean, girls are great...” – he flashes a grin – “...but I didn't want to be distracted. And I didn't want to socialise for the sake of it, go to some shit club just because my mates were, I knew that music was my focus and that was that. I knew from my parents that if you're serious about your creativity you have to be alone a lot.” He did, however, very quickly make connections with fellow one-offs Mount Kimbie and Jack Dunning aka Untold. The latter, after hearing a DJ play one of his demos on Rinse FM got in touch and became something of a mentor, releasing James's first 12” on his own Hemlock label. Mount Kimbie also got in touch after James sent them “a really gushing email about their music” and ended up performing live with him on vocals.

From thereon in, things snowballed fast, with dancefloor-oriented releases on Ramdanman and friends' Hessle Audio and the legendary Belgian techno label R&S – but he was also honing a freakier sound: the sparse, folky vocal tracks that would make up his new album. Only three other people got to hear these initially– Untold, this Mixmag correspondent, and a friend of James's who works for major label A&M records and persuaded them to take a punt. These all feature James extraordinary and emotionally intense singing voice, and are, he says , all about restraint. “I get fed up when people keep describing me as a 'soul' singer, because I'm not,” he insists – “I don't let rip, I just sing the notes as I write them. It's like the production: I don't want to just bang away, I use silence and quiet for effect, and then when it does build up to something tougher it hits much harder in contrast.” And he makes a surprisingly violent punching motion.

The result is something that is both completely removed from trends, and perfectly suited to the current climate of genre meltdown. It's possible to hear everything from ancient echoes of folk and blues to the influence of the crispest modern hip hop, particularly the anything-goes aesthetic of Outkast, who James says are “the Beatles of today, maybe not in sales, but definitely in importance and technical innovation.” It also completely tramples over the idea of dubstep as macho, with a real sexual ambiguity to both James's voice and playing. This is very deliberate: one of his greatest desires is “to learn to play piano in a female way – there's a particular way that Joni Mitchell plays, and also Nina Simone, that is technically incredible but isn't flash, that supports the voice without coming too much into the foreground, yet is incredibly beautiful in its own right.”

There's no disconnect from the dancefloor in any of this, though. He still talks with passion about dancing to his friend Joy Orbison's DJ sets in small, dark clubs - “at one point I completely lost track of where I was, and felt plugged into something bigger,” he says, “like the music was joined into a wider history” - and at XOYO Mixmag witnessed at first hand how even his oddest, most strung-out tracks have a sense of dance dynamics that grabs people on a very basic level. Surveying XOYO's punters, we met everyone from electronica dorks who proclaimed him “the deepest British producer since the Aphex Twin” through indie hipsters waxing lyrical about his voice, to a couple of girls in borderline hysterics about how fit he is (James is indeed striking looking, not to mention well over six foot tall). With this breadth of support, the sky would seem to be the limit for James right now; but whether in five years he's perfoming solo piano or singing with Andre 3000, evidence suggests the results will be beyond anyone's abilities to predict.

[louistomlinsoncouk]

Louis Tomlinson, a new direction

It’s been a long and turbulent four-year road for Louis Tomlinson. Since his band, One Direction, announced their ‘indefinite hiatus’ in 2016, Tomlinson has struggled to find a professional path that suitably represents him as an artist. As he gears up to finally release his long-awaited debut album Walls this coming January, the singer-songwriter finally feels comfortable in his own skin, finding his own unique Britpop-inspired sound which has been spurred on by the resentment towards a diluting of his vision in a bid to find radio play in the States.

Tomlinson, it is safe to say, has finally found his feet and, with a new record label firmly behind him and a renewed energy propelling his every move, the 27-year-old is now a man on a mission with two fingers in the air and a point to prove.

His remarkable story really needs no introduction. Plucked from a crowd of hopefuls auditioning for the X-Factor in 2010, the then 18-year-old singer was placed alongside Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Zayn Malik by Simon Cowell much to the joy of their growing social media fanbase. Just 12 months later their debut album, Up All Night, was released and propelled the group to international fame. In the six fast and furious years as a band One Direction tour relentlessly, released five hit records and became unfathomably rich in the process.

For Tomlinson, however, the immediate highs were quickly met by severe lows when it all came suddenly crashing down. The end of the band, the media relentlessly pursuing his private life, personal tragedy and more have followed. Now though, with a renewed vigour and clarity for his future, Tomlinson has picked himself up and is about to carve out his own niche of pop music.

I met Tomlinson in a back bar of a central London hotel as I self-consciously began to consider the possibility that I may be underdressed for the occasion. Thankfully though—and much to my relief—he arrived casually dressed in a brown quarter-zip jacket, jeans and Adidas trainers which arrived as a refreshing change in reference to the typical, modern-day pop star. Having travelled down to London from Yorkshire that day, with my editor’s words ringing in my ears, the somewhat opulent surroundings of our meeting lacked the relaxing edge I was hoping for.

It must be said that interviews with musicians of international fame can be tricky — especially when they have a new album to sell. With media training, PR managers typically watching over and a sense ill-trust with the media, it will come as little surprise that popstars can be standoffish in interviews. Despite my initial trepidation though, Tomlinson greeted me with immense warmth and immediately offered to get a couple of beers in from the bar—the first sign that our conversation would follow the laid-back pattern I was hoping for.

After we’d sat down and had a sip of lager, our Yorkshire accents clashing, my mind turned to his recent performance of his last single ‘We Made It’ on Children In Need. Tomlinson looked in his element, like he’d finally found his feet as a solo artist—something that hasn’t been an easy adjustment for him to make in the last few years. “Yeah, naturally I feel as any fucking solo star finds – the longer you’re in it, the more experienced you get, the more confident you get. I think it took me a second to work out who I am musically, to fully detach from One Direction and stuff but I feel like I’m there now so, naturally, I’m more confident in my songwriting ability, I’m more confident performing, singing and all of that, so it feels good.”

Following the split from the band, it did feel from the outside looking in that there was no clear direction where his solo career was going to take him. With collaborations with the likes of Steve Aoki and Bebe Rexha, both of which performed commercially well, there was a creative direction that left more questions than answers. Earlier this year, he took to social media to make a statement to claim that he was turning a page, that he was fed up with writing to a formula in a bid to chase radio play and instead he wanted to make music he loved.

That moment was the beginning of the second chapter in his solo career, which he expands on looking while back at that difficult time with more than a pinch of honesty as always, disclosing: “Yeah but I’m not going to lie, it’s still something that I’m fighting up against if I’m being honest. I mean, because there’s constant opinion around me and you know a lot of people do want to focus towards radio—which I do understand—but what bugs me is just how much it limited me — especially because what I grew up listening to on pop radio is very different to what’s on pop radio now and because I couldn’t see a place for myself. I thought that it wasn’t not going to be authentic because I’m going to be trying to sound like what’s on the radio. Today, in 2019 more than ever, people can spot bullshit. So yeah, I think since that moment I’ve always been conscious of that and as I say it is a constant battle, but I think I’m winning at the moment.”

The state of mainstream radio is something that Tomlinson is passionate about. As an artist who aims to make songs that are accessible to the masses without compromising integrity at the same time, Louis appears to be well versed on the shift in the popular musical landscape: “If I’m being honest, I didn’t actively search for stuff because it was on pop radio,” he said while discussing the change in approach to consuming music. “Especially a band like Catfish and The Bottlemen,” he adds after a moment of contemplation. “When I was growing up they would definitely, definitely, be on every radio and I think those bands are very important and now I have to actively search for them or listen to the right station.” He continues, “Also, I think it took me a second to come out and say what my influences are because I know what people expect from someone who has been in a boyband and stuff like that.”

With this lightbulb moment, Tomlinson wanted to detail more about the inner workings of his creative process, how collaborating with like-minding musicians helped free his thought process. “Once I’d had this epiphany and put this message on social media, at that point I’d done four songs that are still on the album. I think ‘Kill My Mind’ was actually a turning point, I wrote it with a guy called Jamie Hartman and the next session we had together we wrote ‘Walls’ which is the title track for the album and is going to be my next single. I think from that moment it unlocked something and we got some momentum so then the second half of the album was written relatively quickly but I think as I say it being transitional I’d have loved 10 ‘Kill My Mind’s’ but maybe the next record.”

‘Kill My Mind’ looks and sounds like the first step towards the definitive direction that the Yorkshireman is aiming for. It has a punchy Hot Fuss era Killers’ chorus and is more reminiscent of the type of music that Tomlinson himself loves. “That’s probably the proudest I’ve been of a song because that is genuinely a song that I fucking love listening to and that’s not necessarily always the case when you’re playing for radio all the time. It didn’t get the attention that I think it quite deserved but that’s the way it is.”

The shift towards the guitar-led music, which bucks the trend with current chart-toppers, is the path that the 27-year-old is determined to follow. A recent writing session with Australian indie giants DMA’s had popped up in our conversation and the beaming smile across Tomlinson’s face said it all: “I’ve hung out with those boys (DMA’s) actually, one night because we were in the same studio and I’ve written together with [them] before,” he said before clarifying that the drinks were flowing which resulted in an unfinished recording. When probed on whether this is something he’d like to re-visit at a later date, Tomlinson expanded with an eye firmly on the future: “The DMA’s session was a bit of an experiment, to be honest, when I look at my solo career I’m looking at it as a five, six or seven-year plan. I realise this from doing the DMA’s one, I would fucking love to do an album full of them but it’s a transition you know what I mean, I’ve got to understand the fan base and what they want. I don’t want anything to be so drastic so in my eyes, it’s a two, three even four-album progression before I get there and I also think to write those kinds of songs that I love I need to have more experience as a songwriter as well.”

For someone who has had such rich successes in their career to date, the singer-songwriter does seem to have struggled with his self-confidence since going solo—but this year seems to have changed that. One song that stands out is ‘Two of Us’, a track which was released earlier this year is a tribute to his late Mother who tragically passed in 2017. Tomlinson’s life was then struck by more devastation following his sister’s sudden death in March this year.

‘Two of Us’ clearly carries a heavy weight of emotion. Created from the inner workings of Tomlinson’s grief, the song is by a distance the most personal release in his entire career to date. Despite that, the track manages to find the universal within the personal as it’s lyrics resonate for anyone who has ever lost anybody close to them—myself included. While our conversation remained on this topic I was keen to know whether these heart-breaking events had impacted his professional epiphany, whether the personal grief had allowed him to stop worrying about the chart and instead focusing more on enjoying the ride: “When I wrote ‘Two Of Us’ that was something I never really had with music before where I like to think every lyric has meant something. There was a different emotional weight with that song and just hearing people’s stories about what it meant to them and how they related to it, that was amazing for me.”

“If I’m being honest what made me have my epiphany was me spitting my fucking dummy out because I was sick of being put in writing sessions which I couldn’t relate to, or people trying to pull me in a certain way to work on American radio. I could probably have commercial success like that, but I’ve got the luxury of having had that already with One Direction and I thought ‘what does success mean to me?’ I just thought I’ve got to follow my fucking heart and if I can win like that it’s like a double win you know what I mean.”

One Direction’s immediate success was unprecedented for a British boyband. Together they conquered the world with their debut Up All Night going straight to number one in the States and shifting more than 4.5million copies globally. Just one to this moment, Tomlinson was an 18-year-old living for the weekend in Doncaster—but he was determined not to let his newfound fame change him: “Yeah I was always pretty resistant to it [fame] to be honest, I always say that when I got famous, when I first got put in band, that I was having the best year of my life. So, it was a lot to deal with to leave my favourite year behind and to be doing something else where you’re working really hard.

The personal and professional problems that have occurred in recent years appears to have given Tomlinson a remarkable sense of life experience. Despite still being so young, despite having lived a whirlwind life, he still has the ability to self reflect on with a grounded honesty. “Being from Donny you don’t expect to get that kind of opportunity and I then got put into the band and then had to deal with everything on the job. Honestly, it was a fucking incredible time in my life that shaped me as an artist and shaped me as a person, I saw some amazing things but it is also nice now to have a little bit more free time because we were so fucking busy and also you know stand on my own two feet and say this is who I am.”

“As far as what’s on my checklist of a credible artist you know they have to write their own tunes, that was always important to me and I did a lot of writing in the band which I think gave me the incredible experience to write now. It was like a crash course, there were so many sessions and I think it’s put me in good stead, but I feel like I’m always getting better as a writer man I feel like with every song I learn a little bit more.”

Although, it’s clear from speaking with Tomlinson that he looks back on those years he spent with the band with all the fondness in the world. Yet the media attention that came with all the success was something that got the better of him at times. “That was hard and I’ve often envied artists from an era where smartphones weren’t around. There were definitely some days where it got the better of me. I suppose you’ve got to be selective on where you go and I learned the hard way from a few different people that you can’t trust. Some people want something out of you and it took me a second to understand, but again I think that helps me have a thicker skin in the real world outside of my job. There are times when I’ve gone through difficult things in my life and I’ve thought certain people haven’t been amazing but it’s part of it, fuck it.”

As our conversation then meandered toward the split of the band and what life was like for Tomlinson after exiting the world of One Direction— which was all that he had known for the entirety of his adult life up until that point. A sense of honest emotion entered his voice, a moment that seemingly suggested that this permanent change was something that was taken from his own control: “It was good to be back doing normal things but I wasn’t ready for the band to go on a break and it came as a shock for me,” Tomlinson exclusively told Far Out Magazine. “It definitely wasn’t my choice but I understand why the decision was made and there’s a good argument for that. I’m enjoying expressing myself now but it rocked me for a time and for a bit and I didn’t know what I was going to do,” he said, vehemently.

From the tone in his voice, it is obvious that the subject is still a relatively raw one for Tomlinson who initially struggled to find the right sound for him following the split of the band—a factor stemmed from his initial reluctance to move solo. From the gravitas of the moment to the importance of his first steps back into music, it was clear that Tomlinson wasn’t ready to be going out on his own so soon after the band’s breakup—a learning curve which other members of the group seemed to overcome in different ways.

The break was initially thought to be just that ‘a break’, but nearly four years after the announcement there are still no signs that the group is entertaining ideas of reuniting anytime soon. With Louis Tomlinson set to release his debut album in January, Liam Payne’s debut LP1 out next month, Harry Styles’ second offering, Fine Line, being made available on December 13th and Niall Horan working on the follow-up to his 2017 Flicker, the One Direction members are firmly in solo mode.

Tomlinson acknowledges that during the final One Direction tour he began to accept that the break was inevitable, admitting: “It had kind of been brewing and we knew the conversation might be coming around but it was just one of those things. It was always going to happen, we were always going to take a break, but I think there are always people who are going to take things better than others.”

Looking on the bright side, however, since the break he has been allowed to live a bit more of a quieter life. From speaking with Tomlinson I get the sense that he’s in this because he loves the music, appreciates the love he gets from fans and loves playing live. However, the celebrity lifestyle that comes with it isn’t why he’s in this game. “I think I can definitely have a bit more of a balance now, there are obviously times when I’m releasing songs or releasing album when it’s really ramped up [...] It’s hard but definitely easier in those off times to have the balance because otherwise when you’re so busy it’s impossible to literally fit everybody into your life. It’s definitely nicer having more time to do normal fucking things,” he adds with an almost sigh of relief.

Tomlinson’s solo career, which has found its feet with emphatic effect and is currently flying high with a sold-out world tour and highly anticipated debut on the horizon, was something that the singer himself had never initially envisioned. With Tomlinson originally wanting to take a back seat in the music industry following the end of the band, he revealed exclusively to Far Out: “I’m not going to lie it hit me hard but it definitely inspired me to get on with my own solo career because it wasn’t something I was always going to do. I was just going to write songs and just hopefully send them to other people and stuff like that, but everything happens for a reason, so they say anyway.”

As the careers of all five members of the band have all taken off, with each turning into different avenues sonically, our conversation then turned to the competitive nature between the band since they went their separate ways. Typically, the avid Doncaster Rovers fan opting to use a hugely specific football analogy to describe the relationship with his former bandmates: “I could be wrong but I think we’ve all got that in us, there’s a competitive side to everyone. I can only speak from personal experience, and as time goes on you understand the differences. It’s not all that relevant but I liken to the feeling at first was that you’ve all been at Barcelona’s youth academy, so we’ll call One Direction ‘Barcelona’ and then we’ve all been put off at different clubs and that takes a second to understand and compute but we’re all still lucky to be able to do it as solo artists.”

Having time off to relax over the last few years for the first time since stepping foot for his X-Factor audition all those years ago, Tomlinson seems to have returned with a renewed love for music and everything that comes with it. For a while, it appears the music was falling second in line to all the hysteria that surrounded his fame—a situation that has been duly rectified.

Next year will see him return to Doncaster as part of his world tour for a very special homecoming and, with that mention, his face lights up with a grin on his face the size of South Yorkshire: “It’s going to be class, I can’t wait for Donny Dome. I don’t feel like my career has fully started until I do that first tour show, it’s all well and good writing songs, releasing songs, doing all the promo and everything that comes with it but the most important fucking thing is that you put on a good show. I started realising the longer that I’ve been in this that there’s a level of importance in these nights to people, especially the avid fanbase that I’m lucky enough to have. You can see from the reactions and look into people’s eyes and see what certain lyrics meant to them.”

What struck me the most from the time I spent with the singer-songwriter was just how grounded he was, seemingly bereft of any level of arrogance and still just that same local lad from Doncaster who began this journey ten years ago. His working-class Yorkshire heritage, he told me, is what has made him the man he is today: “You’ve got to be fucking humble where we’re from you know what I mean? Because otherwise you get called out like ‘who the fuck do you think you are?’”.

The greatest takeaway from our conversation is that Louis Tomlinson is still that music enthusiast that entered the music industry in 2010 who, despite all the success and fame, has managed to stay grounded. With surreal highs came earth-shattering lows—all of which has shaped him in one way or another. Instant success is no longer what he seeks with it now being about the long game for him, this change in attitude is a sign of maturity for Tomlinson who no longer losing sleep about pleasing streaming algorithms.

Having been sitting at the mountain top of the music industry for almost a decade, it seems it is only now he is really getting started with a long-term plan of where he wants his solo-career to go. With a strong sense of support around him, his future and creative vision is firmly in his own hands. With an abundance of experience behind him and has renewed enthusiasm, Louis Tomlinson is finally ready to find his own direction.

Walls is available on 31st January via Sony Music, for tickets to his world tour – visit here for tickets.