#especially from a part of my family I've been relatively distant from for a long time do to strained family relations (my mom)

[monster-noises]

A memorable meal this year? 🎃

ooo mm.. the fact I can't pull one up right away goes to show how many like.. Cool Meals I attend..

OH FUCK WAIT my birthday dinner at my aunts on TCAF weekend that I almost cried at with the biggest most delicious steak, the most succulent mushrooms and a lemon curd desert that I Still think about because fucking Christ it was so good.. ;<;

also hello pumpkin!!!! it's been a bit!

[writing-intheundercroft]

Ser Freckles // S. Sallow

Rating: T

WC: 2,743

Summary: As heir to the throne, the princess takes appointing her sworn protector very seriously.

A/N: Submitted as part of a writing challenge because I'm a glutton for starting AU projects. inspired heavily by HOTD (I've been looking for an excuse to use the name Gawayne). Much love to the pals who keep Knight!Seb living in my brain <3

“Now that you are of age, and officially the heir to the throne, it’s time you appoint your first sworn sword.”

She looked up to Fig as they walked down the stone stairs, the excited chatter from the courtyard echoing off the walls.  Fig had been her tutor all her life, and only now did she realize her lessons with him had a greater purpose.  She was the only daughter of the king’s dearly departed brother, a king who lacked any heirs of his own.  And now that she’d turned eighteen, with no hopes for a male cousin in sight, she had been formally invested as the heir apparent.

Fig was no lowly court tutor, she realized. He’d been placed with her from her youth, preparing her for what had seemed like a distant possibility that she might one day become queen. Lord Eleazar Fig, a member of the King’s Counsel, had been priming her to take power all along.

”I’m not sure why I can’t keep Lady Singer,” she mumbled, kicking her skirts as they continued their descent. “She’s been my guardian for as long as I can remember.”

”Lady Singer is a governess,” Fig reminded her. “And in no way capable of being your sworn protector.  The young man you choose today will become a knight, sworn to your king's guard.  Can you remind me what the function of your king's guard is?”

”My queen’s guard,” she snipped, emphasizing the word, “will protect my counsel and me from harm, as well as my future heirs.”

“Precisely, Princess.” Fig smiled. “It’s largely a symbolic role considering the relative peace our realm has seen this past one hundred years, even more so with the city watch taking guard of the castle.  But the king—er, queen’s guard is a deep rooted tradition each house takes very seriously.  The gentlemen we’ve assembled today for your selection come from some of the great houses of the realm.  Others have been lauded for their bravery and skill in the battlefield.”

The princess and Lord Fig walked to the balcony, the crowd below falling into silence. There were six men (boys, she observed, especially considering she’d grown up with four of them around court) standing in the courtyard below.  They all wore gleaming armor, save for the last, wearing a dull set without embellishments.  Each had a pennant with their house sigil, members of their families standing behind them. The animals on each pennant were embroidered with gleaming metallic thread–lions, eagles, badgers, and snakes taking center, representing the great houses each family bowed to. 

Lord Fig took her hand, helping her stand on a stool to catch a better glimpse of her future knight.

”The first proposed candidate is Ser Leander Prewett,” Fig stated loudly. “Ser Leander is the second son of Lord Lyonel Prewett.  He is a fine duelist, trained by one of the land’s most notable swordsmen.”

She cocked her brow, observing the redhead below.  Tall, lithe, with a glorious mane of red hair.

”And rather shit on a horse,” she muttered under her breath. “Did you see him in the last tourney?”

”Horsemanship is not a requirement of a knight, Princess.” Fig muttered.

”He truly had no idea if he was facing the front, or the back.” She joked. 

Lord Fig concealed his laugh in a cough. He waved his arm, and Leander’s gleaming smile vanished into a rather sour expression as the next option stepped forward.

”Ser Garreth Weasley,” Fig announced. “The third son of Lord Gwayne Weasley.”

”I know Ser Garreth well,” she smiled demurely. “Is it not one of the oaths as my queen’s guard to take no wife, have no children, and to be sworn to uphold the duties of the crown until death or dismissal?”

”It is, Princess.”

She clicked her tongue. “I know very well my dear friend Lady Natsai would be quite upset if I took her beloved to my service.  I’d rather see the two of them happily married than split apart by duty.” She waved him backwards, knowing Natty would be pleased.  Garreth stepped back, cheeks red, but a relieved look on his face.

“The next option is Ser Amit Thakkar,” Fig looked down at his notes. “Son of the Dowager Lady Tara Thakkar. No notable tourney experience, he’s been—“

”Away for his studies in the new world,” the princess interjected. “I know Ser Amit quite well. Tell me, Ser, how was your research on the skies?  Anything new to report?”

“I’ve identified at least twelve constellations once lost to our maesters,” Amit announced excitedly. “And I do look forward to finding more.”

She tilted her head to Fig, eyebrows raised. “I do believe Ser Amit’s talents are better used with the college of maesters, rather than as a member of my queen’s guard.”

”Moving on,” Fig tutted. “Ser Duncan Hobhouse, son of—“

”No.”

”Okay, on to the next.” Fig winced, letting the young Duncan Hobhouse step back with a sigh. “Next is Ser Isaac Cooper. Son of Ser Tristan Cooper, the Lord Commander of the city watch.  Strong, steady, and good with a lance.  Ser Isaac has topped the tourney lists, specifically winning the tourney of Aranshire this past spring. ”

The princess chewed her lower lip as she appraised Ser Isaac.  He stood tall, black hair cropped closely to his head. His parents stood behind him proudly bearing the badger on their sigil.  Isaac gave her a beaming smile, followed by a rather obvious wink.

“I look forward to serving you, my princess, in all ways you see fit.” Isaac said loudly, followed by a showy bow. A gaggle of young ladies on the upper balcony giggled audibly, Ser Isaac blowing a kiss to his admirers.

The princess gagged, wrinkling her nose as she turned back to her tutor. 

”A tourney knight,” she huffed. “Tell me, Lord Fig, do any of these knights have real combat experience?”

Fig sighed deeply, beckoning forward the sixth option.  It was the knight in plain armor; unlike the others, he did not have a large gathering of family members behind him.  A thin, peaky girl stood by his side, wobbling on her feet as their sigil shook in her hands. The green velvet of the flag looked worn, but a silver snake had been embroidered into the fabric with metallic thread, red beads for eyes.  Behind them was a stern looking man, beard peppered with silver hairs.  

The boy paid them no attention, standing forward with his head bowed to her. 

“Ser Sebastian Sallow,” Fig cleared his throat. “The nephew of Ser Solomon Sallow, a former knight of the city watch.  He was dismissed from his post after the death of his brother, taking on the stewardship of his young niece and nephew.  Ser Solomon and his nephew Sebastian have taken the responsibility of patrolling the lower highlands, protecting their hamlets from ashwinders and poachers.”

She leaned forward over the railing, interest piqued by the humble knight below. “Tell me, Ser Sebastian, of your experience fighting against the ashwinder rebellion.”

He lifted his head, big brown eyes framed by an explosion of freckles. He had a round, boyish face for eighteen, thick brown hair descending in waves. A blush took over his cheeks as he dipped his head once more.

”I have fought against the ashwinders for the past five years, Princess.  For as long as my uncle has allowed me.” He said, tipping his head back towards the stern man. “The lower hamlets rarely see reinforcements from the city watch, so it is up to the residents themselves to gather arms.”

“And when did you become a knight, Ser Sebastian?”

Sebastian turned briefly to look at his uncle, who merely nodded. “The Lord Commander of the city watch was passing through our hamlet when he witnessed me apprehending a cohort of ashwinder assassins.” He adjusted his grip on the helmet in his hands, metal clanking as he shifted.  Unlike the others, there were no grand decorations, no feathery plumes attached to the helmet.  It was practical, well-worn steel that had seen battle many times before. “He knighted me on the field, after the battle.”

”One boy against twenty ashwinders,” Fig whispered in her ear. “Quite a feat.”

She braced her palms against the stone ledge, hair falling over her shoulders. He looked up at her intently now, eyes wide.  even with his armor on, she could see his throat bobbing, swallowing down his nerves.  

“That settles it for me. I choose Ser Sebastian Sallow.” 

The hall descended into loud whispers; the girl holding his sigil gasped with delight, while the man behind her dropped his mouth open in shock.  Sebastian knelt, but kept his gaze fixated upon her.  It was as if the chocolate brown orbs were burning into her, somewhere between admiration and curiosity. 

Fig gave her a knowing look. “Ser Sebastian it is.”

”I’ll leave the details to Ser Sebastian’s investiture to you, Lord Fig.” the princess said, stepping down from the stool. Her heels clattered against the floor, hands folded behind her back. “And measure him for new armor.  Something befitting my sworn protector.”

”The customary armor, of course, with your sigil on the pauldron.” Fig noted.

She paused, turning one last time towards her counsel.

”Don’t forget his snakes.” She reminded him. “Silver with ruby eyes.”

Fig tried to conceal his smile. “Yes, princess.”

“You know we’re not allowed in the armory,” Poppy hissed, trying to tug on her skirt. “Lady Singer–”

“Lady Singer can kiss my arse,” the princess declared, enjoying the way her lady in waiting’s cheeks flushed. “I would like to supervise the fitting.  Will you join me?”

“I think not,” Poppy lifted her nose. “I’ll be off to the library to meet with Imelda.  You should stay out of trouble.” the brunette warned.

The princess pulled open the heavy door of the armory, grinning at her friend. “Trouble is my middle name,” she sang, waving goodbye as she entered the room.  The normally bustling armory was quiet at midday, with most of the knights standing guard.  She stepped past the rows of white cloaks, all hung under their corresponding owner’s name.  Weapons were stacked against the wall on wooden racks; she wouldn’t dare go near the spears, swords, and morningstars for fear of tipping them over.  Her slippers pattered against the flagstone floors as she walked deeper into the chamber in search of her new knight.

“There you are,” she declared, seeing him standing on the pedestal. Ser Sebastian Sallow stood in his freshly tailored white breeches and shirt, half dressed in his new gilded armor.

“Princess,” the armorer bowed his head quickly, stepping away from Sebastian. “I did not realize you were coming in to supervise the fitting.”

“Is it not tradition?” she asked, circling the pedestal with an approving nod.

“It is,” the armor rubbed his hands together anxiously. “For the king.  But you are a young lady, it’s hardly appropriate for you to be in the armory with a knight in a state of undress–”

“Ser Sebastian is my choice,” she pointed out. “So I will supervise the fitting of his armor and his sword selection, just as my uncle did for his sworn swords.”

“As you wish, princess.” The armor nodded. “I’ll fetch his sword at once.”  He bowed, walking backwards out of the room.

“Are you always so commanding?” Ser Sebastian asked, a hand on his hip.

“Only when they’re so formal.” she grinned, crossing her arms. “The armor looks good on you.”

Sebastian’s cheeks flushed. “Thank you.” he stammered. “And thank you for honoring my house.” he gestured to his pauldron, decorated with the Sallow family sigil. Instead of the crudely carved 

The armorer returned, holding a glimmering sword with a checked handle. “His sword, your grace.” he handed it to her for inspection. “I shall return shortly with his cloak; the seamstress was just finishing the hem.” He backed out of the room once more, leaving the pair alone.

The princess bobbed her head as she held the sword in her hand, testing its weight. “Good balance,” she mused, tossing it from one hand to the other.

“You’re trained with a sword?” Sebastian asked, eyebrow cocked.

She gave him a toothy grin, swinging the sword from side to side. “My uncle thought it best that I was taught the same as any other prince of the realm.” 

“I certainly agree,” Sebastian offered. “I trained my sister as best as I could before coming to the capitol.”

“Well then, should we practice for your investiture?” She asked. “On your knees, then.”

Sebastian sank to the floor, beaming up at her obediently.  He tipped his chin upwards, right hand resting over his heart. 

“Do you swear to uphold the code of the kingsguard?” she asked, trying her best to remember the vows Lord Fig had tasked her with memorizing.

“I do,” Sebastian echoed.

“Do you swear to guard the king with all your might, and give your blood for him and his heirs?” She recited the words slowly and thoughtfully.  The sword was beginning to feel heavy in her hands, but Sebastian didn’t budge.  He stayed, knelt below her on the ground, closed fist bound to his chest.

“I do.”

“Do you swear to take no wife, father no children, hold no lands? Do you swear to guard your king’s secrets, obey his commands, defend his name and honor?”

The princess blinked down at her chosen knight, hovering the blade over his shoulder. His big, brown eyes stared back at her, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.  She hadn’t noticed the freckles on his lips; then again, she’d never been so close to him before.  He looked both like a knight and a boy all at once–his armor was unfinished, missing the pauldron on his left shoulder that would bear her sigil.  Sebastian’s messy hair stuck up in the back, and the princess felt the strong urge to pat it down.

She instead remained steady, blade in hand.

“Do you swear, Ser Sebastian?” she asked.

“I swear to take no wife, father no children, nor hold any lands.  I swear to guard my queen’s secrets, obey her commands, defend her name and honor. For as long as I breathe, my life is my queen’s.” Sebastian gave her a coy look, eyes glittering with mischief; he aimed to flatter her, charming the princess with his change in verbiage.

Two could play that game, she thought. The princess lifted her sword, tapping it on both of his shoulders.  “By the grace of the future queen, I name you Ser Kiss Arse.” she declared dramatically.

Sebastian choked, and the princess laughed.  Her whole body shook with her giggles, and Sebastian pouted. 

“No fair,” he complained. “Pick a better name.”

“Fine,” she wiped a tear from her eye. Feigning composure, she straightened her posture and gave him her best queenly glare. “By the grace of the future queen, I name you Ser Freckles.”

“You’re making a mockery of it,” Sebastian whined.

“We’re practicing, remember?” She snorted. “I promise, I’ll be much more official during the actual ceremony.”

Sebastian huffed. “Fine then.  But if I get a nickname, then you get one too.” he warned. “Princess Picky is what I’ll call you.”

The princess scoffed, backing away. “Who called me picky?”

Sebastian gave her a sheepish look, rubbing the back of his neck. “Everyone at court, actually. They thought you were too picky with your requirements of the kingsguard.  The public is fairly certain you’re making a mistake in picking me as your sworn sword.” his smile faltered, a wave of doubt crashing over his face. “My family has no riches, no influence at court.  I have nothing else to offer you.”

The princess chewed her lower lip, dragging the sword behind her as she leaned down to face her knight. “It is no mistake,” she murmured, pressing a hand to his shoulder. “You are the most deserving of the title.  I chose you. And if that makes me picky, so be it.”

Sebastian touched her wrist; the gesture shocked her, eyelashes fluttering from the surprise embrace.  But she did not move her hand–the princess kept it on his uncovered shoulder, her hair falling in her face as she looked down at her sworn protector.

“Princess Picky and Ser Freckles,” Sebastian joked. “An eclectic pair.”

She gave him an earnest smile. “I’d have it no other way.”

[meimi-haneoka]

Thanks for answering Cinzia! No, you are right 😂. I should not be using older art style as any standard of indication of timeline. That was an interesting exposition. I had never read the CCS manga (or doujinshis) as a kid, but the number of *ahem* works which feature junior high aged SS I came across over the past few months is pretty concerning. On a second note, I was also wondering about Akiho's ancestry. As you once suggested, Akiho's clan might be the Reed clan, the clan on Clow Reed's father's side. From what I understand, the Reeds would be (again I am not trying to be politically offensive but still trying to be direct to the point) white-skinned. Clow, from what I understand, was very much biracial. Then if Akiho indeed is from the Reed clan, how was it possible for her resemble Sakura that much, enough for pass off as her twin? Even if we are to assume that Lilie was the Reed (with perhaps white Germanic ancestry) and her husband (who perhaps can be assumed to the one who had Shinomoto name and was thus Japanese in all probability) married into the clan and they had Akiho who was biracial (with presumably German and Japanese ancestry), it is still very unusual. Until and unless of course, one assumes that Sakura herself is not of a fully Japanese ancestry, especially given that her father literally appeared when Clow died (gave up his body?) and Fujitaka (and Eriol) were created from some kind of magical cellular fission (?). So, Sakura (and Touya) are of part-white heritage, that too from the Reed clan, explaining the resemblance. I am just thinking too much, am I not? I should just let it be, at this point. 😰 Also, what ethnicity does Kaito belong to? I originally thought he was some kind of East Asian looking Russian but his real name is of French origin? What even is going on there?

P.S. Dear God, this went into a very different direction from what I originally wanted to write.

Ohohohho this is a topic that has crossed my mind more than once, especially during the "happy sisters" chapters after Kaito activated the forbidden magic!! 😂😂😂

Long story short, the final solution to the dilemma I came up with is: suspension of disbelief! 😂😂😂😂 Yeah, I think this is one of the most prominent cases where you're supposed to look at them literally for what they are "on paper" and not what kind of ethnicity they should represent in the story.

I'll elaborate further; first of all yes, I've always had the theory that "the clan of the most ancient magicians in Europe" might have been the Reed clan, which also Clow came from. I thought it was just the perfect fit for Akiho: it's based in England, and we know the Reeds were an English clan; this clan got rivalry with the Li's in Hong Kong and again it would make sense if they were the Reeds, because those two families have ONE illustrious relative in common: Clow Reed, the most powerful magician of his time! In fact, it's stated in the Clear Card story that the "Squids" do have lots of resentment towards Clow. The reasons are unknown, but if they were the Reeds, we can easily guess them: he ditched that side of the family and decided to get closer to the Chinese side, living in Hong Kong for a time and leaving some of his magical tools with the Li's. And also, it would've made PERFECT sense for Kaito to turn to the Kinomoto family to leave Akiho with them: if Akiho was a Reed, and we know for certain that Sakura in some way does have a little bit of Reed blood in her (she is explicitly indicated as having "Clow's blood" in the story, and that's so important that they made the characters point that out in the anime too, where TECHNICALLY she shouldn't have any blood relations with Clow, since Fujitaka was never confirmed as Eriol's 'other half' of Clow's reincarnation), that would've ALREADY made Akiho a distant relative of Sakura in some way. So it would've felt way less forced and much more reasonable. Everything fit so well that I was almost sure we would've had this confirmation before the end of the story; sadly, we never did.

There's a VERY terrible translation mistake in volume 6 of the English version by Kodansha USA, where they made the Squids say this:

Please be informed that in the JP original the Squids never said "For the blood of Clow Reed...to be bested by the Li Family....is an unbearable disgrace", because that basically made them refer to themselves as "blood of Clow Reed", hence indirectly confirming they are the Reed clan. That's absolute bullsh*t and what they actually said is "THEY are of Clow Reed's lineage. We can't allow to fall behind them" and that connects with what Kaito said in chapter 68: the Squids checked every movement from the Li family because of their resentment towards Clow (and the Li's were connected to him). I know my theory sounded legit, reasonable and could've made everything more interesting and well connected, but a theory remains a theory if canon doesn't confirm it. And translation mistakes should never be so bad that they end up portraying things in a way that makes you believe what it was actually NEVER confirmed in the story.

Up to this day, we don't have a "name" we can call this clan with: they're simply addressed as "that clan" or "the most ancient magicians in Europe" in THE WHOLE the story (trust me, I've monitored that detail very well, because of my theory). They're NOT the Shinomoto clan, as many people like to report in order to simplify things. I honestly not even believe that Akiho's father's last name was Shinomoto, as Akiho seems c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e-l-y foreign to Japanese culture throughout the story. He didn't marry into the clan from "outside", because Lilie specifically says that he's a "distant relative", so he's very much part of this European clan himself. And if we have to go by how awful they are in the story, I'm pretty sure these people would've done anything to keep their blood line as "pure" as possible, without "interventions" from outside, if you know what I mean. Additional to that, Akiho doesn't even remotely mention a possible "tie" she might have with Japan: I know her clan never really answered her questions about her parents, but I'm pretty sure that if she was half Japanese they would've told her and she would've sort of mentioned it along the story. She's portrayed by CLAMP as someone completely foreign to Japan. And with a last name like that, if she was really half Japanese, if would've come up at some point (Sakura doesn't even ask about it, "how come you have a Japanese last and first name if you don't have any connection with Japan?"). I mean, Akiho did "confess" at the end that her true name is Cosmos, and I think that is the only true part of her name that we were allowed to know about her. Just like the rest of her clan, and Kaito, her last name is none of our business, basically 😂 I mean, even Eriol adopted a Japanese last name to fit better, even though he shouldn't really have any tie with Japan (if he's a reincarnation of Clow and got Clow's blood just like Fujitaka, then he should have Caucasian and Chinese traits in himself). As you pointed out, that should be the same with Fujitaka.

As for Kaito, I definitely thought that he could be Chinese at some point: one of my craziest theories was that he was actually a "lost Li", because the shape of his eyes is exactly the same of Yelan. Yeah, check it out if you don't believe me! 😂

The moon power, the fact that he's often portrayed with chinese-style clothes.... Alas, this theory went down the drain too. Or, at least, we were never given concrete hints about it. And then the fact that in his backstory he's potrayed in a cold land with a typical Russian hat made me think that he could've been of Russian's origins too, but that one seems to be even less plausible at this point. His true name is French, so it is legit to infer that at least in part he must have some French genes in him, although it's anyone's guess where exactly he comes from. I do identify him as coming from France, at this point, and that would be reasonable because it would still be in the "area" of the Magic Association, if they operate in the entire Europe (man, CLAMP must think that there's lots of evil people in Europe, wtf ��). It wouldn't have been difficult for them to go fetch little Kaito in France, coming from the UK, is what I'm trying to say. But as we never got any other confirmation than his true name (and CLAMP must have chosen a French word instead of an English one for a reason), it's really anyone's guess.

So all of this makes me just conclude that we shouldn't really wonder too much about things like "how is it possible that Akiho and Sakura resemble eachother so much that they could pass as twin sisters, if they're supposedly from two different ethnicities?", because I'm pretty sure that CLAMP didn't go that far in planning all of these details to the situation. 😆 You should just rememember that it's a fictional story (with magic, at that), so we should apply a bit of "suspension of disbelief! 😅

[flufffysocks]

let's talk about andi mack's worldbuilding

sorry this took forever to make! i've been pretty busy with school stuff and i kind of lost my inspiration for a bit, but i ultimately really enjoyed writing it! i wish i could've included more pics (tumblr has a max of 10 per post), and it kinda turned from less of a mini analysis to more of an extremely long rant... but i hope it's still a fun read!

i've been rewatching the show over the past few weeks (thanks again to @disneymack for the link!), and i’ve been noticing a lot that i never did the first time around. this is really the first time i’ve watched the show from start to finish since it aired, and it honestly feels so different this time - probably a combination of the fact that i’m not as focused on plot and can appreciate the show as a whole, and also that the fandom is much, much smaller now, so there’s a lot less noise. so the way i’m consuming this show feels super different than it did the first time, but the show itself doesn’t - it’s just as warm and comforting to me as it was the first time around, if not more so.

i think a lot of that can be attributed to andi mack’s “worldbuilding”. i’m not quite sure that this is the right word in this context, to be honest, because i mostly see it used in reference to fantasy and sci-fi universes, but it just sort of feels right to me for andi mack, because you can really tell how much love and care went into constructing this universe. for clarity, worldbuilding is “the process of creating an imaginary world” in its simplest sense. there’s two main types: hard worldbuilding, which involves inventing entire universes, languages, people, cultures, places, foods, etc. from scratch (think “lord of the rings” or “dune”), and soft worldbuilding, in which the creators don’t explicitly state or explain much about the fictional universe, but rather let it’s nature reveal itself as the story progresses (think studio ghibli films). andi mack to me falls in the soft worldbuilding category. even though it takes place in a realistic fiction universe, there’s a lot of aspects to it that are inexplicably novel in really subtle ways.

so watching the show now, i’ve noticed that the worldbuilding comes primarily from two things - setting and props, and oftentimes the both of them in tandem (because a big part of setting in filmmaking does depend on the props placed in it!).

one of the most obvious examples is the spoon. it really is a sort of quintessential, tropic setting in that it's the main gang's "spot", which automatically gives it a warm and homey feel to it. and its set design only amplifies this:

the choice to make it a very traditional 50s-style diner creates a very nostalgic, retro feel to it, which is something that's really consistent throughout the show, as you'll see. from the round stools at the bar, to the booths, to the staff uniforms, this is very obvious. the thing that i found especially interesting about it though is the choice of color. the typical 50s diner is outfitted with metallic surfaces and red accented furnishings, but the spoon is very distinctly not this.

instead, it's dressed in vibrant teal and orange, giving it a very fresh and modern take on a classic look. so it still maintains that feeling of being funky and retro, but that doesn't retract from the fact that the show is set distinctly in modern times.

of course, this could just be a one-off quirky set piece, but this idea of modernizing and novelizing "retro" things is a really common motif throughout the show. take red rooster records. i mean, it's a record shop - need i say more? it's obviously a very prominent store in shadyside, at least for the main characters, but there's no apparent reason why it is (until season 2 when bowie starts working there, and jonah starts performing there). a lot of the time, though, it functions solely as a record shop. vinyl obviously isn't the most practical or convenient way of listening to music, but it's had its resurgence in pop culture even in the real world, mostly due to its aesthetic value, so it's safe to say that it serves the same purpose in the andi mack universe.

the fringe seems to be nostalgic of a different era, specifically the Y2K/early 2000s period (because it's meant to be bex's territory and symbolic of who she used to be, and its later transformation into cloud 10 is representative of her character arc, but that's beside the point). to be honest, exactly what this store was supposed to be always confused me. it was kind of a combination party store/clothing store/makeup store/beauty parlor? i think that's sort of the point of it though, it's supposed to feel very grunge-y and chaotic (within the confines of a relatively mellow-toned show, of course), and it's supposed to act as a sort of treasure chest of little curios that both make the place interesting and allow the characters to interact with it.

and, of course, there's andi shack. this is really the cherry on top of all of andi mack's sets, just because it's so distinctly andi. it serves such amazing narrative purpose for her (ex. the storyline where cece and ham were going to move - i really loved this because it highlights its place in the andi mack universe so well, and i'm a sucker for the paper cranes shot + i'm still salty that sadie's cranes didn't make it into the finale) and it's the perfect reflection of andi's character development because of how dynamic it is (the crafts and art supplies can get moved around or switched out, and there's always new creations visible).

going back to the nostalgia motif though, the "shack" aspect of it always struck me as very treehouse-like. personally, whenever i think of treehouses, there's this very golden sheen of childhood about it, if that makes sense. i've always seen treehouses in media as a sort of shelter for characters' youthful innocence and idealistic memories. for example, the episode "up a tree" from good luck charlie, the episode "treehouse" from modern family, and "to all the boys 2" all use a treehouse setting as a device to explore the character's desire to hold onto their perfect image of their childhood (side note: this exact theme is actually explored in andi mack in the episode "perfect day 2.0"!). andi shack is no exception to this, but it harnesses this childhood idealism in the same way that it captures the nostalgia of the 50s in the spoon, or the early 2000s in the fringe. it's not some image of a distant past being reflected through that setting; it's very present, and very alive, because it reflects andi as she is in the given moment.

some honorable mentions of more one-off settings include the ferris wheel (from "the snorpion"), the alley art gallery (from "a walker to remember"), SAVA, the color factory (from "it's a dilemna"), and my personal favorite, the cake shop (from "that syncing feeling").

[every time i watch this episode i want to eat those cakes so bad]

these settings have less of a distinctly nostalgic feel (especially the color factory, which is a very late 2010s, instagram era setting), but they all definitely have an aura of perfection about them. andi mack is all about bright, colorful visuals, and these settings really play to that, making the andi mack universe seem really fun and inviting, and frankly very instagrammable (literally so, when it comes to the color factory!).

props, on the other hand, are probably a much less obvious tool of worldbuilding. they definitely take up less space in the frame and are generally not as noticeable (i'm sure i'll have missed a bunch that will be great examples, but i'm kind of coming up with all of this off the top of my head), but they really tie everything together.

for example, bex's box, bex's polaroid, and the old tv at the mack apartment (the tv is usually only visible in the periphery of some shots, so you might not catch it at first glance) all complement that very retro aesthetic established through the settings (especially the polaroid and the tv, because there's really no good reason that the characters would otherwise be using these).

besides this, andi's artistic nature provides the perfect excuse for plenty of colorful, crafty props to amplify the visuals and the tone. obviously, as i discussed before, andi shack is the best example of this because it's filled with interesting props. but you also see bits of andi's (and other people's) crafts popping up throughout the show (ex. the tape on the fridge in the mack apartment, andi's and libby's headbands in "the new girls", walker's shoes, andi's phone case, and of course, the bracelet). not only does doing this really solidify this talent as an essential tenet of andi's character, but it also just makes the entirety of shadyside feel like an extension of andi shack. the whole town is a canvas for her crafts (or art, depending on how you want to look at it. i say it's both), and it immensely adds to shadyside's idealism. because who wouldn't want to live in a world made of andi mack's creations?

and, while it's not exactly a prop, the characters' wardrobe is undoubtedly a major influence on the show's worldbuilding. true to it's nature as a disney channel show, all of the characters are always dressed in exceptionally curated outfits of whatever the current trends are, making the show that much more visually appealing. i won't elaborate too much on this, because i could honestly write a whole other analysis on andi mack's fashion (my favorites are andi's and bex's outfits! and kudos to the costume designer(s) for creating such wonderful and in-character wardrobes!). but, i think it's a really really important aspect of how the show's universe is perceived, so it had to be touched upon.

[^ some of my favorite outfits from the show! i am so obsessed with andi's jacket in the finale, and i aspire to be at bex's level of being a leather jacket bisexual]

and lastly, phones. this is a bit of an interesting case (pun intended), because the way they're used fluctuates a bit throughout the show, but i definitely noticed that at least in the first season terri minsky tried to avoid using them altogether. these efforts at distancing from modern tech really grounds the show in it's idealist, nostalgia-heavy roots, so even when the characters start using their phones more later in the show, they don't alter the viewer's impression of the andi mack universe very much.

so, what does all of this have to do with worldbuilding? in andi mack's case, because it's set in a realistic universe and not a fantasy one, a lot of what sets it apart from the real world comes down to tone. because, as much as this world is based on our own, it really does feel separate from it, like an alternate reality that's just slightly more perfect than ours, which makes all the difference. it's the idealism in color and composition in andi mack's settings that makes it so unmistakably andi mack. even the weather is always sunny and perfect (which is incredibly ironic because the town is called shadyside - yes, i am very proud of that observation).

the andi mack universe resides somewhere in this perfect medium that makes it feel like a small town in the middle of nowhere (almost like hill valley in 1955 from "back to the future"), but at the same time like an enclave within a big city (because of its proximity to so many modern, unique, and honestly very classy looking establishments). it is, essentially, an unattainable dream land that tricks you into believing it is attainable because it's just real enough.

all this to say, andi mack does an amazing job of creating of polished, perfect world for its characters. this is pretty common among disney channel and nickelodeon shows, but because most other shows tend to be filmed in a studio with three-wall sets, andi mack is really set apart from them in that it automatically feels more real and tangible. it has its quintessential recurring locations, but it has far more of them (most disney/nick shows usually only have 3-4 recurring settings), and it has a lot more one-off locations. it's also a lot more considerate when it comes to its props, so rather than the show just looking garish and aggressively trendy, it has a distinctive style that's actually appropriate to the characters and the story. overall this creates the effect of expanding the universe, making shadyside feel like it really is a part of a wider world, rather than an artificial bubble. it's idealism is, first and foremost, grounded in reality, and that provides a basis for its brilliant, creative, and relatable storytelling.

tl;dr: andi mack's sets and props give it a very retro and nostalgic tone which makes its whole universe seem super perfect and i want to live there so bad!!

[deathbydarkelves]

I decided to make playlists for Cathala and Tarinne plus explanations for why I chose each song because I entered one of those ADHD fugue states and if I didn't finish this task I would die

Anyway here are the two links (they're youtube playlists because I don't have spotify. I would obviously recommend using an adblocker if you're just gonna watch on youtube) and the explanations for each song are below the cut :) Each playlist is about an hour long.

For Tarinne’s:

1. Foggy Nights: I consider this her theme so putting it first as a sort of intro only makes sense.

2. Here’s a Health to the Company: I think this works as an example of her general disposition. She’s a people person, and always a fan of singing these sorts of songs in taverns, on ships, or what have you. It also kind of feels like a sendoff to soldiers, which I imagine symbolizes her joining the Sentinel Army and quickly thereafter fighting in the Third War.

3. Wartime Prayers: Somewhat self-explanatory, this is symbolizing her seeing war for the first time, but I also included it because the last line transitions SO WELL into the next song.

4. The Hollow: This song is an intro to an album I've never heard so I don't know the context, but I really love it because it sounds like someone praying to their deity and like I mean c'mon. Elune. Tarinne's praying to Elune to guide her through the war. Do I need to elabo-

5. Wave Walker: KILL DEATH MAIM AHAHAHAHA

6. Isil Elun’falo: Just a super rad fan-made night elf song that's basically "wow we sure do love Elune" said in twenty different ways for four and a half minutes. But it ROCKS and I LOVE it.

7. Chewing Cotton Wool: This song is about losing a loved one (I did have to check but yeah that's what it is) and I use it to symbolize Tarinne losing her mom during the war. The last line, which includes the song's title, I especially like. It's referring to how morticians (apparently) put cotton gauze in a corpse's throat and mouth to keep body fluids in and make the face look more natural. So there's a fun fact for you.

8. See U Soon (Song for Dad): Just a short lofi piece to rest a bit, and it was also chosen because the title's in reference to Tarinne growing closer to her dad after losing her mom. She still visits him at his leathers and furs shop in Stormwind fairly often, especially after dangerous adventures. She just wants to make sure he knows she's alright ;-;

9. No Lullaby: Right back into it with a song that I use to represent Tarinne's general feeling of not being able to go home because it's not there anymore. She's felt like this since the end of the Third War, but it's especially strong since the whole Teldrassil thing. But I like the ending, "who said you're on your own," because it contrasts the repeating of "alone" in the rest of the song. And it's kinda like "hey, listen, you're not the only one who feels like she can't go home." I mean that's probably how basically every single night elf feels right now skxnks

10. The Moss: This song juxtaposes classic fairy tales with scientific facts about the world and I love it to BITS. I'm using it here to represent both Tarinne's love for storytelling but also her sort of... part-time historian/archaeologist/conservator career.

11. Rasputin: I just associate this song with her for some reason and this was the best place to put it.

12. Electric Feel: Moving on to focus more on Tarinne's relationship with Cathala now. This is an extremely great and somewhat 😏 song that I also included because the electricity theme is appropriate because Cathala has lightning powers and y'know it's from Tarinne's perspective or whatever.

13. Bedroom Hymns: You know why this is here.

14. Movement: I can't talk about love songs without talking about Hozier, okay. This is just a nice, slower song to relax a bit with.

15. Never Let Me Go: I have an entire goddamn music video in my head with Cathala and Tarinne for this song and it’s very dramatic and emotional and I had to include this song or I’d die. Basically just listen to near the end of this song when she's repeating the title over and over, and imagine the two of them seeing each other at opposite ends of a battlefield after the dust settles and they rush towards each other and fall to their knees holding on as tightly as they can because they got separated early on and each thought the other was dead. Then you'll know how I feel when I listen to this song.

16. Nothing That Has Happened So Far Has Been Anything We Could Control: First of all I love the title, and second of all there's a big section in the middle (1:49 to 2:47) that I like to interpret as the two of them grappling with the fact that they're not really quite sure who or what they're fighting for anymore. Their people, yeah, but there's so many alliances and semi-permanent enemies and only-on-every-other-thursday-enemies all intertwined and the world is just so very confusing and they're trying to make the best of it. Elf school didn’t include international, interracial politics in its curriculum. It did however include how to properly plant trees, and AP calculus (this is a joke).

17. In Dreams: I like to imagine this song is something the two of them would say to each other, as a way of saying “even when everything we know is gone, even when the world ends, I will still be by your side. And if I’m not, don’t fear, for I will find you.” It makes a nice note to end on :)

For Cathala’s:

1. muse: Just a nice lofi intro to get us into things :) I don't see this song as her theme, like I do with Tarinne and the first song in her playlist, but I like it quite a bit. I don't actually really have a theme for Cathala yet, I'm currently going with a version of Way of the Monk from WoW's OST but I'm still looking for something better.

2. Frogs Singing: I included this because it's about just appreciating nature, which works because night elf and also mindfulness and meditation is a whole thing.

3. Tongues: This is a song about feeling distant from your peers which is like Cathala's whole existence! She's this weird mix of two cultures and ultimately she feels out of place regardless of where she is or who she's with. Also the theme with not understanding what people are saying works because the poor woman had to learn Pandaren from scratch and that shit ain't easy. I think blizz said somewhere probably that Common is just a language that EVERYONE knows inherently because Video Game but that's bullshit in my opinion. I'll allow spells that let you understand foreign languages to an extent (Comprehend Languages from D&D lets you understand the LITERAL meaning only, which I like), but every culture and species in the universe knowing Common is silly if you think about it for more than two seconds.

4. Kung Fu Fighting: I'm legally required to include this song. Also I prefer the Kung Fu Panda version, I'm sorry.

5. Harder Better Faster Stronger: I vicariously experience having a great work ethic through Cathala and that's why this song is here because she has 999 Determination and does Too Many push-ups every day or something idk. I was gonna say "every morning" but I have a headcanon that elves only need to sleep every couple of days (sort of a nod to "elves don't need to sleep at all" from D&D, and to explain why NIGHT elves are active at all hours of the day) so that doesn't work.

6. What's Up Danger: This song is Cathala's whole Vibe. Almost zero threat assessment skills in this woman's brain. If it can be punched, she will punch it.

7. Eye for an Eye: Fairly self-explanatory, it's a song about wanting revenge so... yeah. Checked that box. It was this or The Vengeful One by Disturbed but ultimately The Vengeful One's religious symbolism probably makes it fit better as a Tyrande theme lol ("I'm the hand of god, I'm the dark messiah." Did you mean: the Night Warrior)

8. Survivor: Cathala's survived a lot of shit and this could kinda be her making fun of herself for it because "Gods, man! Don't I deserve a break!"

9. Ashes: Really the reason I include this song is the last chunk (2:42 to the end) because holy shit. Listen, if I was gonna include a song with fire motifs, it was gonna be a somber one like this.

10. Into the West: This can kinda represent Cathala just trying to fucking breathe and recover from Teldrassil. Also works because I dunno it has stuff to do with the elves in LotR, I haven't seen those movies in a while. It sounds nice and is melancholy so I included it.

11. Like Real People Do: Cathala loves Tarinne a lot you guys have I ever menti-

12. Into the Wild: Tarinne changed Cathala's world for the better and she's super fucking grateful she has her by her side. Kinda goes without saying but you know.

13. Chasing the Moon: I have a vague music video in my head for this of them falling in love and it's very cute so there's that. Also it's in this specific spot because hey she may be deeply traumatized but she's still got a fair number of things/people in her life that make her happy so :)

14. Follow My Girl: I've got a theme going in my head that while Tarinne is fairly certain of her place in the world, Cathala is still trying to find hers. She outlived all her connections on Pandaria because Elf Lifespans(tm) and the only members of her family still alive are distant relatives she never knew very well.

15. Wish That You Were Here: This works both to represent Cathala on Pandaria feeling super homesick, and for more recently after Teldrassil. Either way, it's a message to her parents and sister.

16. Mr. Fear: She does her damnedest to hide it but she's absolutely terrified something like Teldrassil's gonna happen again! That fear drives her to do everything in her power to protect who and what she can. As long as they're not Forsaken, cause she's still got her biases, that compassion even extends across faction lines. She never really got the whole Alliance/Horde thing anyway. Innocent people shouldn't have to die, regardless of who or what they are.

17. Ordinary Day: Not to get super out there but I think this song works as symbolizing Cathala really trying to hold on to her faith in Elune, but ultimately feeling pretty abandoned. I mean she can clearly see Elune's influence everywhere. But Elune sure ain't doing Cathala any favors as far as she can tell! It also ends the whole playlist on maybe a bit of an uncertain/open-ended note, because this "losing faith" aspect is a new thing with her and will definitely be something she continues to struggle with for a while. On a related note, I should say Tarinne is still very much devout but she gets what Cathala's feeling and doesn't force anything on her, and vice versa. And Cathala wouldn't become atheist, the night elves aren't monotheistic and she still worships all the other deities, it's just specifically Elune she's a little :/ on.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

Okay... going on a bit of a Schneider x Avery rant for a little bit. I've been reading some of your old posts about them and honestly I really do think they're endgame. If the show were to continue, I think season 3 would've been the closest we ever see Schneider to the family, but I think Avery (bc she doesn't have that much character development) would pull him back to the outer circle for season 4. I don't think they would've brought her back for the finale if they weren't endgame.

(cont) Schneider just barely makes the cut for family in this show. I mean I love him, but the show is about Penelope and her family. If they made too much noise between Penelope’s best friend’s love interest, who has no connection with the rest of the family, it would distract from the main characters too much. Nikki, Schneider’s only other “love” interest had a connection to both Penelope and Alex. But Avery’s there just for Schneider and I’m afraid it would stay that way.

hi anon!! i had to wait a while before answering this one because i knew i would need coherent thoughts and that hasn’t been working so well for me lately

you make two important points here, so i’ll start with the schneider side of it. i agree that s3 was the closest that we’ve ever seen schneider to the family, and that makes sense because honestly even as s3 progressed the storylines for everyone in the family, schneider kind of had the biggest, most consistent arc. (i think alex’s was the next biggest/most consistent. elena and pen and lydia’s stories were more episodic in s3 and sometimes connected more to previous season events than the preceding episodes.)

the showrunners/writers had been planning to address schneider’s sobriety for a while and talked a lot with the actor while they worked on it, and i think they handled it really well. but in my opinion, that all builds up to cementing schneider’s place in the family. not just pulling him into the circle, but making it clear that he belongs there–in a way they aren’t likely to go back on. 

we went from penelope shutting the door in his face in 1.13 when he’s telling her they’re like family, to elena joking about him NOT being family in s2 and him telling a comatose lydia that they’re his family while punctuating his grief with jokes…to the entire family rallying around him in 3.12 after they were all a bit more distant earlier in the season.

elena is the first member of the family to actually direct the word ‘love’ his way! penelope tries to make it clear that he’s important to her just as he is and that he needs to fight his addictions not just for his sake but because of her family, especially the kids! schneider interrupts his big romantic reunion with avery to focus on lydia officially claiming him as an alvarez!

this snippet of an interview todd grinnell gave after s3 mentions the tension between any future schneider would have with avery, and his ties to the family. i don’t know how much the plans for a potential s4 might have changed over time, but since we know the writers do discuss plot arcs with the actors in advance (or at least they have done so with todd before) i believe that when he said this, it was based off his awareness of what the writers were thinking. 

which means that avery could have been brought back to be a source of future conflict–and after schneider’s s3 declaration that ‘family is everything’ it’s not guaranteed that he would choose avery in that scenario. i could see him learning to balance and compromise, maybe, but schneider drifting out of the picture because of his love interest wouldn’t make sense for who he is–unless the actor was leaving the show maybe? i still wouldn’t find it very believable though.

i do agree that avery’s only connected to the show through schneider. that actually bugged me in s3, because they gave her so many little great moments in the beginning to establish who she was, and then she really never interacted with the family even when she was in scenes with them!! they either need to fully include her in s4 or keep her more separate; now that we’re more familiar with her, it won’t make sense at all for her to be in the apartment or at events and ignoring the rest of them most of the time. (unless that’s part of the plot, of course.) i think that avery won’t be likely to get much actual plot unless it starts to be about non-schneider things, like how she affects family members.

i honestly have no idea if schneider and avery are endgame or not. india is too adorable for me to be against it, despite my many objections to how avery was handled in s3 (so much potential after that meet-cute! i ranted in multiple essays about about it!). because the actors are married it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s what the show does, letting schneider’s storylines going forward be more about him maturing and dealing with his first serious lasting relationship. 

i think that how long the show gets to continue existing will also have a lot to do with what turns out to be endgame–if it ends on its own terms in a few years, then we’ll know what their intended endgame was. but if it gets cancelled then i’ll always wonder what they might have been really aiming for.

the biggest thing that you and i seem to disagree about, though, anon, that probably affects how we see the avery stuff playing out, is schneider’s role on the show. you say that he just barely makes the cut for family, and i would argue (as i sort of started to, messily, above) that in fact it’s season 3 that doesn’t just confirm but yells that he’s completely family. 

in the first scene of the season, he comes in and tells the rest of them who their own dead relative is, and in his last scene, avery passes along the news of lydia’s official adoption of him. between all of that, the family sees him turn into someone else while he’s trying to please his father–and they see the relapsed alcoholic he’s never been in their presence before–and they commit even harder to making him feel loved and like he’s a part of them. 

along those same lines, i’d also argue that schneider is a ‘main character.’ not only just technically (because he’s been included in things like promo images for the show since s1, where leslie wasn’t) but in terms of the story. if he wasn’t a main character in seasons 1 and 2, he definitely became one in season 3, when two whole episodes were formed around his arc in addition to his usual mini stories alongside the family.

tl;dr i have no idea if avery is schneider’s endgame but he is an alvarez now and i’ll believe him choosing her over his family when i see it 

[itsmeizumine]

so, i searched high and low for a post i swore i made talking about why i wanted to make a naruto oc and had this initial blurb and everything that i just intended to add on, but since it disappeared somehow, i'll start again

it's going to be long, but feel free to tag along the ride under break!!

_________________________________________

so, i know anyone who has followed me for a while might have caught up to the fact that i’m on my own naruto nostalgia personal hell right now. it has been dragging for a few months in and out since my lil sibs started to watch the ENTIRETY of naruto franchise just because (we’re talking about all filler eps, all arcs, all ovas, all movies; they’re real champs like that). we all are stuck in the same rooms with each other and nowhere else to go so there was really no way to escape this even if i wanted too, which… i did, in the beginning, not gonna lie (i can’t handle second-hand embarrassment guys, i just can’t, and kid naruto is– oh my god); but then i kind of settled on this constant utterly mortified state so deeply nothing else phased me enough to stop watching the damned thing with my sibs, and here we are.

(and pls, don’t get me wrong. i love naruto, it was important to me as a kid and i still feel echoes of its impact on me even now in my life; it’s just– watching it with my kidsie sibs and parents in the same room with it dubbed in my native lang and them having no context to most things anime, just… no lol)

and god, as much i like the series, rewatching it made my heart ache too. kid naruto had an awful life, dude. for real. it just made me want to swoop in, adopt him and get him somewhere else asap the whole time we watched classic. it was devasting blow after devasting blow since day one, and it took too long for him to find support and bonds (as flimsy as they were) he could cling and lean on (and even then he was left/had to leave behind some).

idk guys, i might be overthinking this but kids in precarious situations always make me emotional af

so i thought: my mojo is making ocs, okay, that’s how i dive into fandoms and such, maybe i could make someone he could call a friend? even if it’s just to comfort him and myself a bit?? yeah, let’s go with this

and like, i wanted him to have someone to goof up with and be silly and talk freely and not have to appear awesome to with that false bravato of his (because he uses that when he’s not comfortable, and i really really really need him to be, for once) but i also wanted him to have someone he could fall back whevener he wants, no questions asked, and that could take care of him if things came down to it, but couldn’t strip naruto’s control over his own situation as an adult would (because that’s terrifiying thing to feel, no control over what’s gonna happen to yourself; now imagine that as a kid that has to live and tend and watch out for their own well-being themselves or else they might as well die in a ditch and no one - in naruto’s mind on the very beggining of classic - would bat an eye?? yeah, no good indeed); so an older kid it had to be. older sibling figure or whatever.

and since i wanted this older kid to approach naruto amicably, they couldn’t be a kid native to konoha, even if they were there from on and beyond. or else they’d first think of naruto in the preconceived notions leaf-civilians kid thought (as a vague monster/demon their parents made of him), or as leaf-nin kid thought (a dumb numbskull, disgrace of the academy).

so before i even started on the kid themselves, i had to settle on a place out of konoha to start the deal (hahaha going through naruto wiki pages on my dying computer was so much fun guys, you have no idea)

i didn’t find a location that made sense in the wiki so i came up with something on my own. it turned out really cool actually. i’m going to link a post talking about this location in particular because this post is too long already, but what you need to know about shokinin daichi is that it was a completely civilian-based settlement. no one was prevenient from a ninja clan and married out of it for peace and quiet, no one had a second cousin that once dreamed about shinobi life as a kid or anything. i know it seems unfathomable in naruto’s universe to such a place exist, especially with how the world is exposed to us on the anime at least, but believe me, it’s more likely than you think. there’s far too much empty space on naruto’s geography and petty, small 1x1 feuds between clans for it not to. shokunin daichi was a place civilians were relatively content with their lives, and if one of them was more ambitious they’d aim for bigger things, yes, but it wouldn't usually scale so far as to become ninja.

my kid, kawarake, was the same. his family made up one the cores of the sanka clan, but since no one was looking forward to taking the clan head’s position from the main family anytime soon, they all lead relatively quiet lives with their own thing going on. the sanka clan run the ranch of shokunin daichi, and each of its cores took care of one kind of animal. kawarake’s family core took care of horses, and he spent most of his days since he was five tending to them or taking care of his littler cousins who wanted to tend them. if he wasn’t on the stables, he’d be strolling in the settlement’s main square to talk to and help all his extended family, or he’d be in his little hide-out by the river farther south from it. he was looking forward to start an apprenticeship under kakka’s clan on metalwork once he was bit older to have the excuse to go out of the settlement more often, but there was no rush on his part still. he was fine like this.

one seemingly random night, with most of the settlement preparing to lay down for the day, a group of nuke-nin found the place. no one knew how, nor who they were; and whoever was left after that disaster could only guess why, but as soon as the rogue shinobi caught sight of the quaint little thing that was kawarake’s home they started to set things on fire. they pillaged and ransacked and destroyed everything in their wake and soon it became clear that there was little to no thing the civilians could do to defend themselves, even with their mattocks and sickles and ropes and wooden planks and the strongest men and women there. smoke and heat enclosed around all of them, and people that had lived their entire lives there together were forced to leave with no plan or direction, just the clan heads’ ultimate order to grab who they could in their way out and survive. hope against hope that they’d find each other again.

kawarake had managed to find his nephew, and be found by his mom before they had to leave the remains of their burning, collapsing ranch behind. with stingy eyes and searing burns and scratches and soot here and there, they made their way out of the settlement to find kawarake’s dad and a distant cousin by chance, but couldn’t manage to reach a group - their people - running in the distance before they too dispersed each to some direction in search of safety. between the kawarake’s mom, dad and cousin, they decided that their best bet would be to seek refuge in konoha for now; and there they fleed to through forest and packed dirt as the night went on.

i don't think it's confirmed in canon but i've seen it around enough in fanfiction to think it might have been implied somewhere. the politics of seeking refuge in a hidden village might change from country to country but i think there's a consistency on the treaty: it has to be compensated for the risk it takes in accepting the refugee, either by trade if the said refugee can has capital to start producing right away or by demanding a shinobi from the refugee's household.

kawarake then becomes the first gen nin of his family, in order for them to stay in konoha and under it's protection. he's the best conventional candidate because of his age; his cousin and parents at too old for the academy, and his nephew too young. he's uneasy in the beginning, he's surrounded by ninja that can, with a few hand seals, create a catastrophe as big as what happened on his settlement just because they felt like it, and that's disconcerting af, but once he realizes that he's also gaining this power, and he's also also learning how to counter it, he manages to ease up a little bit. he even starts to look forward to the possibility of making missions out of konoha in the end; that way he can look around for all his family, and warn them they have a safe place to stay in konoha.

his family arrives two years after the uchiha massacre, and he graduates as a genin on team 3 the same semester as neji, tenten and lee. here's what i have of him and his team, intend to post more soon

he's a nice kid, guys, but he really shouldn't run around with a kunai like this

here's him, isako (also oc, gotta write stuff for her) and shiyoka (same, tho y'all have seen art of them and kawarake together already), their sensei is dope too and deserves her own presentation just because.

[kurokonbscenarios]

Hey admin T-Chan I saw what you said about your mom and I've been there before (actually dealing with it now) and my mom actually made me cry in front of my friend today because I said she can't take the money I earned from babysitting and she started yelling at me saying I'm selfish and a regret I have to ask how do I deal with this because it's getting to the point where I feel guilty for eating.

If I knew where you live, I’d leave everything, come to you and hug you for hours and feed you your favourite snacks and food, because no one deserves this. At the moment all I can is give you this hug through internet ;-;

I just want to point out first before everything that each person has different way of dealing with problems. Since this turned out rather long, I’ll put it under read more so it won’t take much of your dashboard.

As for me, I’m still trying to see and understand the whole point of what I’m going through. The first time I realized something was wrong with the way some of my relatives treat me is when I went to high school, which would be 6 years this September. I was, still am, a very quiet person and shy and easily embarrassed when you meet me in person, so when I heard of all types of abuse I was like “hold on, but this happened to me?? Still does??” and I have to admit that psychology opened my eyes over my childhood.

In these 6 years I learnt a lot, but I’m still confused with these thoughts “but they don’t mean it for real” “it’s family. of course they know the best for you” and so many similar that sometimes I just freeze, act cold and distant. Out of all five friends that I have only one knows what’s going on with my mom and brother, one knows what happened years ago, two doen’t really have an idea, but Lena-chi knows pretty much everything.

When dad died, 8 years ago, I hid my feelings A LOT. I still do, which was the reason I got cardiac arrhythmia. Doctors said that it’s mostly genetic (both grandmothers had it) and some psychological (each year I lost a close relative. It was hell). I must say that 3 years ago, doctor told me I’m healthy and that there shouldn’t be any more problems anymore after I went through like 4, if not 5, operations. But during this time it was still different at home. Sure mom gave me a break, because of my health, but my brother didn’t really. It wasn’t until he went to Germany to work that I realized just how hard it can be too. Mom and I were alone, so every time she needed something, I was there helping her, doing things for her and basically anything she needed. And she got used to that. I honestly didn’t care, because it was expected that she’d call for me to help and all. All that only made me shut down and obey, because if I didn’t, we’d end up in a fight and I’d be called spoiled, which only rubbed me more, but I backed down and helped nonetheless. It was also because I’m still kind of grieving after my father. Sure he was an alcoholic and that he ended with arguments with mom, but he was always nice to me. Mom didn’t share her feelings and I didn’t with hers, I only hid myself in bedroom, where I felt most at peace and calm, especially after she started seeing other men. I guess that only made our relationship more distant than it was.

But when my brother came home, a year and half ago, I thought that maybe, just maybe, she’ll call for brother too and told him to help out and not just me. I understood that he had to get used to being home again and to take care of things, but he was home all the time. And it honestly started ticking me off when I was in my room and mom called me to bring her something from the balcony when my brother was closer. I understand that she was used to it, but it only upset me because she didn’t see him or refused to see him. Like he’d play games on playstation or just watch TV all day long and would do nothing. He wouldn’t even clean after himself and just be like how a guy acts; staying at home in his underwear, playing games all the time and if not that then he’d start nagging me with mom in the background how I don’t do anything, how I can’t find a simple job, why was I accepted into college as a part-time study (3 days at college the rest of the week free) and it really got me down. During all that time he was in Germany, he usually took my side, now that he’s home, he takes mom’s side and at first I felt rather betrayed, but now I’m just like “yeah I get it”.

I couldn’t deal with all of my emotions, cause I didn’t know how, so I got into depression a lot, and because I felt, still do on occassions, jealous of my brother. We end in physical fight a lot, especially when all three of us are at home and I’m honestly scared of him, because few months ago, he scratched me so hard and deeply that I bled and I still have the scar. It’s hard to be with them both, because one or the other will always start talking “what are you going to do about college?” “when will you get a job?” “are you going to pay the bill for the electricity?” etc and lunches are the worst thing there are at this place.

My usual self-defense is arguing back or just staying quiet. It depends how I feel. Sometimes I just suck it up and stay quiet until they’re both finished with yelling/arguing with me and I don’t break down unless I’m all alone. Sometimes I snap back and it only worsens the situation which ends with me even more upset and emotionally unstable because mom goes on economy “who’s buying you all the clothes?” “you have roof over your head, you have food to eat, you have water, you have clean clothes, what else do you want?” and I break down, because I start feeling guilty and am even more upset at myself because I start thinking “you know she’s right. you never do anything to help” and it just tires me so much. I just want a simple “you did good. you did well. I’m proud of you”. I feel jealous every time she has a normal conversation with my brother, because with me she always starts about job and college and car and it just pushes me away even more with how she has to deal with everything alone and that I don’t help her around. I feel jealous whenever she’s worried for her friends or her lover, who are sick or have a headache and when I say I have a headache she’s like “I’d have a headache too if I were inside whole day” or “get a job and you won’t have headaches anymore”.

I deal with this differently every time. I used to hide my feelings inside, refusing to show them when I’m angry, sad or upset, because I always seem so optimistic and help whenever I can. I’m a listener, but I have some advices every now and then. I used to feel betrayed, jealous and upset and I either argued back, or kept it inside until it grew and grew and went out the only way you can imagine. With self-harm. It’s hard stopping, but I beg you, don’t harm yourself, don’t even think about it. I truly do beg you this one thing.

Whenever you feel down or upset or angry or anything bad towards your mother, go to your friend, go out, go to your relatives, anywhere where you feel safe. Even if you just go out into park and stay there for hours until late, that’s fine. Go to a café and order a coffee or tea or what you like, bring a book or notebook along. I’m reading lots of psychological, history, sci-fi and real-life books. Write in the notebook your feelings, your thoughts, whatever comes to your mind. Listen to music on loud volume with your earphones in, read anything that comes under your hand. Talk with your friends, tell those who you trust what is going on so they have a slight idea what’s going on and can help if they can; cry, yell, scream, anything that could help you get better. Listen to yourself, to your body speaking back at you, but don’t ever harm yourself in any way. I admit, I was thinking of suicide a lot and if I’m honest, I still do and I’m scared cause when I’m depressed I’m not myself. I’m someone entirely different, I do and write things that I have no idea of, so I usually just disappear from tumblr and fb. I argue with mom and brother almost every day over simple things and it’s usually them against me or brother against me which usually ends with mom siding with brother even when I’m all bruised or hurt unless I start screaming LOUD. You could say that when we don’t fight it’s like a holiday.

Two months ago, when my aunt had a birthday, I told my godmothers that my brother scratched me till I bled and they actually took it seriously. And I honestly panicked because she said, in a rather joking manner, that my other godmother (who’s living in a flat beside ours) might call police if she hears me screaming. And while I felt a bit glad and reassured that maybe I just have someone on my back to protect me, I still panicked because “what if I’m just imagining things and my brother’s doing it just for fun??”

It’s really hard to deal with any kind of abuse, be it verbal, emotional, economic, sexual or any kind, cause there are so many different types, especially when you’re raised like this your whole life and you’re not completely sure if it’s normal or not or what. These days I’m thinking so much to go back to my psychologist if only to tell her everything that’s going on, but I know I won’t say a word, ‘cause that’s who I grew up to be. You can do anything to me, I will never say a word, because if I don’t trust someone enough, and seeing how they react to people with different problems and they have that negativity, I’ll never speak about what’s going on. I’ll say it either in a joking manner or write it down in my diary or in a one-shot or a fanfiction.

The only advice I can give you is that if nothing helps, your friends or relatives having hard time to help you or can’t, go to psychologist. I don’t know if where you live they’re free (under health insurance) or not, but if they are, ask your personal doctor for referral and who they think is good psychologist and go to that person. They may ask you questions from and to and give you more professional advice and if that won’t help either, hide that money in a place that’s really well hidden or bank account and have that bank card with you the whole time and save up money enough to buy yourself an apartment. I’m currently working on finding a job and saving money (from income support) for a small apartment, where I can live alone. I feel annoyed at myself for telling both Lena-chi and Denise (the one who sent me that message to go to her) with always saying how tired I am of my situation.

Save money, hide it, search for a job that could take most of your time, but still like it enough to apply for it, search for apartment and tell your friends (those you trust) what’s going on. Ask them what they think you should do. I know it’s hard and I’ll be damned to say I didn’t ask those that are in the same town. It’s hard saying anything of your personal problems and it’ll be even harder as you grow, but really.. My only destination right now is to at least get a job where I won’t be home most of the time, even during weekend and holidays and I honestly don’t care how tired I’d be or anything, and then saving that money, go to Sweden on a 2-week vacation and then search for apartment.

The road to that destination is and will be hard when you don’t have the support you want, but even if there’s just one friend, be it from your hometown or miles away, it’s still better than nothing. I’m sorry this is happening to you, I truly am, but know this, anon, I have your back even if I’m miles away. Try not to feel guilty for what your mother’s making you think. You deserve that food, you deserve that money, you deserve everything. I may not know what exactly is going on at your place, but I know enough that you deserve to be loved. I may not be your close friend or relative, but I love you and I’m proud of you for standing up against her and don’t back down. You might be called spoiled or selfish, but you alone know best what’s going on. Don’t bother with neighbours or someone who doesn’t know of the situation enough, they can judge and point fingers how much they want, but you know who’s the real victim.

If you have any kind of problems or questions, you can ask me here or on my personal blog off anon or on anon I don’t mind. I never, and will never, judge people. I’ll try to help as much as I can.