#especially compared to how kenny calls him will from the start. or at least from the trios tournament and onward | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

xxdragonwriterxx · 4 years ago

Text

🔥You Are Human, And Damn It, You Are An Important One!🔥

A/N: Hey everyone! I’m back! It looks like my tags finally decided to sort themselves out so I wanted to (finally) post a new story! I’m still working on requests though, so don’t worry, those are coming soon! I just wanted to post this in the mean time while I edit those and test if my tags are really fixed on one of my originals so that any requested fics will actually be seen later should an error occur. Thank you so much for your continued support and patience, you guys are so amazing! I hope this makes up for my temporary hiatus! This one actually has a bit of a heavier tone to it but I think I’m finally happy with it! Thanks again for the support, and don’t be afraid to talk to me! Shoot me a message or just spew random bullshit and I’ll still respond 😂. Enjoy!

(Warning: themes of non-con & abuse. This is set in a brothel, but there’s nothing explicit, it’s just mentioned or implied. Just wanted to put it out there! Viewer discretion advised!)

🐉Song Recommendation: “The Gardener” By: Sarah Sparks 🐉

Word Count: ~7k

~~~

It was that time of year. The time of year that Levi hated the most. The Underground Market Festival. It was the time of year in which merchants from all around would come down to the Underground City, away from the prying eyes of the Military Police, and sell anything and everything to the nobles who weren’t exactly looking for orthodox materials. The normally filthy, mostly empty streets would be filled with members of the wealthy, dripping in jewelry, cash, and lavish clothing as they paraded around the sorry excuse for a city, boasting of their wealth and privilege as they bought enough food and luxurious goods to feed three times the number of people in the Underground while sharing none of it.

The days were starting to blur together. Levi honestly couldn’t tell if it had been a day, a week, or a month as the drugs in his system continued to work just like the brothel owners wanted them to, rendering him practically inoperative and perfect for use. His head pounded, swimming with confused thoughts. His gaze was unfocused, warped, and his whole body felt suffocatingly hot despite his lack of cover, his legs shifting as his body instinctively searched for a relief he didn’t even want. But that was exactly how they wanted him.

The sound of his door being unlocked made him look up slowly, his eyes taking a few seconds to fully focus on the man standing in the entrance of his room, a wide, malicious grin on his face. Levi couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose in disgust. The man smelled of sweat and stale alcohol, and his unkempt appearance made Levi itch, even when drugged out of his mind.

“Oh, Levi…” the man cooed, making Levi shudder. “I have another customer for you.”

Even though Levi had been through this time and time again, even though he had been trapped in his filthy room since he was caught stealing from a merchant friend of the brothel owner at age twenty, even though the drugs in his system were making his body scream for what this new customer could give him, he still couldn’t help the wave of dread that washed through him, the fear. Levi didn’t fear much, having grown up on the streets of the Underground alone since he was abandoned by Kenny at the age of ten, but this? This he was scared of.

He thought back to the wretched old man that had abandoned him as a small child and wondered what he would think of him now. Would he be disgusted? Unsurprised? Angry? Not that it mattered. Levi knew he would never see him again. But even so, his brain couldn’t help itself from going down those roads, asking questions of “what if?” no matter how many times he reminded himself that it didn’t matter. He was just some bastard thug turned whore in the Underground. Nobody was going to even remember him, let alone care about who he was or who he may be in the future.

Levi was once again brought out of his daze when the pig in the doorway moved to the side, letting a noble woman saunter into the room. She had a wicked grin on her face as she approached him, ignoring the brothel owner as he slammed the door shut behind her, giving them some privacy. She was covered in glittering jewelry, and although the dress she wore was extravagant, it was very tight fitting and low cut, barely considered decent, her large breasts one breath away from spilling out over the top. Her hair was pinned up in a lavish braided style, twisting and coiling tightly, and held together with real gold pins that Levi knew must’ve cost a fortune.

“~Well, hello sexy,” the woman purred as she approached the raven-haired man.

Levi had to force himself not to grimace, even with the effect of the drugs, when she slithered her way over his thighs, her hands reaching up to cup his face. The smell of whatever custard perfume she had on was overwhelming, making his eyes water and his throat close up. Her hands felt clammy from all of the lotions and creams she had slathered over her skin to make it look shinier, making them feel like dead fish rubbing against his cheeks.

“Well? Aren’t you going to ask my name?” The woman demanded in a sickly sweet voice, making Levi close his eyes in barely suppressed agony.

“What is your name?” Levi asked in a low voice. He felt the woman preen above him at the sound of his voice, knowing she thought his deep tone was for setting the mood rather than the effect of his despair.

“My name is Lady Clarissa! What’s your name, hmmm?”

“Levi,” He said quietly.

“Oooh, Leevviiii, I like that,” Lady Clarissa practically moaned. “Say, Levi, you were quite expensive. That must mean you're really good at what you do. I can already tell that you fulfill my personal tastes in terms of appearance, so why don’t you convince me of the rest and give me a good time. Don’t make me regret spending my good money on you. Don’t make me punish you.”

Levi gritted his teeth when she ground her hips into him, trying his hardest not to fight back. He knew it would be difficult, the drugs making his movements and mental processes much slower, but at that moment, all he wanted to do was shove her off of him. Swallowing the bile in his throat, Levi reached for her as she leaned down to force her tongue into his mouth.

It was that time of year. The time of year that (Y/N) hated the most. The Underground Market Festival. It took everything in her to avoid groaning in annoyance as the people she was expected to call her friends dragged her down into the filthy Underground City for a day of “fun”. (Y/N) would much rather be back at home, reading a book in the library, or relaxing with the horses in the barn, or secretly practicing her sword fighting skills with the guards of their estate. But her father had forced her to go when her friends had shown up at the house, begging for her to come with them. He claimed she needed to get her priorities straight and actually present herself, show the honor and pride that came with being part of the (L/N) family. (Y/N) thought there was very little honor and pride in parading their wealth around like they owned the world, especially in front of people who constantly struggled to survive on a daily basis.

(Y/N) walked slowly down the worn cobblestone streets, suppressing the urge to gag at the sight of other nobles walking around, looking and acting as if they were rulers of the walls. She barely looked at anything, only stopping to occasionally buy food when she noticed the hungry children hanging around, looking for a scrap to steal. She could tell they were wary of her, but she never stopped trying, always offering them the food in some way, even if it meant leaving it in a secluded space for them to find later.

Her friends constantly tried to get her to engage, running up to her with crystal jewelry, silk clothing, and delectable foods, attempting to entice her, only to get pushed away. (Y/N) wanted no part in any of it. Even her attire spoke volumes about how little she wanted to be there. She knew that to the people of the Underground, the dress she wore would be considered something of utmost value, but when compared to the nobles around her, she looked underdressed and plain. She wore nothing more than a subtle red dress covered with a black leather jacket, paired with black combat boots and matching gloves, no jewelry to be found except for the simple white earrings she wore in her lobes.

Her father had been less than pleased with her appearance, but stopped arguing when she announced she was leaving, the lord just happy she had at least agreed to go to the festival. She knew he was disappointed in her, annoyed that she wasn’t like the other noble ladies who loved to flaunt their luxurious lifestyles and bend to the every whim of the lords around them, looking to marry early for money and power. (Y/N) wouldn’t be surprised if the entire reason her father wanted her here was so she could possibly win over the affections of a single lord milling about, one that was rich and influential. It was for that possibility alone that (Y/N) had originally thought to wear something that made her look underdressed, having to swallow the bile that rose in her throat at the prospect of catching some snobby noble’s attention.

“Yeah, her name is (Y/N)! She’s the one right over there, I think she could use a good time.”

(Y/N)’s head snapped up when she heard her name, her eyes shooting over to where her friends were standing in a group in front of a large building. All of them were looking at her, covering their faces with their hands to hide their giggles. Dread filled her to the brim when she saw the sign in front of the building, her face paling in horror.

“That one, eh? I think we can arrange something like that,” the brothel owner said, a smug smile on his lips as he stared at her, his grin only widening as her cheeks flushed a brilliant red. “Don’t worry, I’ve got one in particular that could give you a good ride. He’s expensive since he’s my most popular, but he’s worth it.”

(Y/N) opened her mouth to argue, her cheeks on fire as her brain fought to think of something, anything to get her out of this situation. She didn’t want to fuck some random stranger for no reason, but she especially didn’t want to have sex in a brothel. She found them vulgar, repulsive, and horrible. The way they treated their “workers” was appalling. Just as the words finally reached the tip of her tongue, one of the girls she had come to the festival with cut off her impending argument.

“Damn, I’m jealous! If he’s that good I’m almost tempted to take him myself. But she needs this. She hasn’t loosened up the entire time we’ve been here and I think this might help. She’ll take him.”

The greasy man smiled and wrote her name down, happily accepting the roll of cash her friend handed him before getting up, supposedly to let the man know that he had another customer on the way. (Y/N) tried to escape when she could, but her friends rushed up and caught her before she could slip into the shadows, dragging her over to the brothel and shoving her towards an open door where the brothel owner stood, a creepy smile still plastered on his face.

“Guys! I don’t want this!” (Y/N) whispered frantically as she was dragged towards her doom.

“It doesn’t matter if you want it or not, you need it!” One of her friends said with a laugh. “Besides, you’re going to have a fun time. Don’t make us regret spending that money for you!”

(Y/N) was practically thrown into the room, stumbling as she fought to catch her balance, before the door was slammed shut behind her, the loud sound of the lock being latched reverberating around the room with the finality of a death toll. Huffing in anger, (Y/N) stood and brushed herself off, smoothing out her dress and straightening back up to her full height, fighting off the panic slithering up her spine.

A low groan of pain coming from behind her made her whirl around in surprise, her eyes landing on a shorter, pale skinned man with stunning silver eyes and raven black hair. Gods he looked pathetic. She could definitely tell he was attractive, it made sense now as to why he was a popular choice, but he looked sickly, his cheeks hollowed out, dark circles under his eyes, and a muscled yet neglected body starting to wear thin from years of hunger and constant overuse. The sight made her want to be sick. How could anybody be cruel enough to force themselves onto this obviously abused man? How could anyone willingly pay money to fuck him rather than help him?

“Um, hello,” (Y/N) said quietly. “W-What’s your name?”

The man raised an eyebrow, not used to the soft, kind, almost shy way she asked for his name. The women and occasional men he dealt with most of the time were demanding, controlling, and sadistic, knowing they paid for a man they could use, and their voices usually projected that. Yet, this woman looked as if she had been forced to do this, further supported by the way she had been nearly thrown into the room by whom he assumed was her friends.

“Levi,” he said quietly, waiting for the usual routine to start, no matter how much his gut twisted in disgust at the thought.

“Hi, Levi, I’m (Y/N).”

“(Y/N)...” Levi murmured softly, training himself to memorize it despite his swimming brain, knowing she would want him to scream it out later. Whether in pain or in pleasure, he wasn’t sure yet.

“Um…” (Y/N) was about to speak, her mind scrambling for something to say when her eye caught sight of a large bruise on his neck. Her eyes widened and suddenly started scanning his entire body, her stomach roiling more and more the longer she stared. Now that she was really paying attention, (Y/N) could see painful bites, hickeys, and splotchy bruises littering his neck, jaw, chest, and thighs. Her eyes narrowed on the long, bloody scratches running down the length of his chest and back, and she noticed blooming red patches of skin all over him that were raw and aching from being slapped hard and rough over and over again.

He was wearing a loose pair of worn boxers as his only cover, and (Y/N) could only imagine what other horrors the thin cloth was hiding. Glancing down, she saw him shift uncomfortably, his boxers tented by his arousal. The sight made her growl in anger, knowing that to keep him going after he had already had so many customers for the day, a drug was being used to make him insatiable, forcing him past the point of pain and probably clouding his judgement and mental process as well. It made her want to go cut up the brothel owner and serve him to a pig.

Without thinking, (Y/N) rushed to him, reaching out to him, only to freeze when he flinched. She heard him curse at the involuntary movement, knowing it was his job to appear as unaffected and sexually appealing as possible, and it made her heart clench even harder, her hatred for this place and the people who ran it increasing tenfold.

Taking a deep breath, (Y/N) immediately slowed her movements, trying to appear as calm and unhurried as possible. Her gaze softened and glazed with unshed tears when he closed his eyes, his arms reaching out as he prepared for her to sit on his lap and have her way with him like she knew every other man and woman who used him did. Gritting her teeth against the fury she felt, she carefully slid her way across his thighs. She felt him force himself to relax under her as he leaned forward to let her kiss him.

When he felt nothing, and heard something click, Levi cracked open his eyes in curiosity, only to have them fly open all the way when he felt something cool and wet against his neck. Looking down at the woman in his arms, his lips parted in shock, watching in confused awe as she leaned back and soaked a small cloth in some water from a bottle, rinsing the fresh blood from the fabric. Looking to the side, he saw a small first aid kit by her feet, the container open to reveal a variety of medical tools inside.

(Y/N) leaned forward again, raising the towel to his neck to dab at his abrasions, washing them carefully, reverently, almost... lovingly. Levi opened and closed his mouth but no words came out as she continued to work on him, delicately cleaning his jaw and neck before carefully moving on to his chest. Was this some kind of strange ritual she always performed during sex? Did she just find him dirty and want to clean him up before putting her lips or her pussy on his skin? His mind was running a million miles a minute as she worked on him in silence, only pausing when he hissed quietly at the feeling of his gashes being washed.

(Y/N) frowned as she gently swiped the cloth along the red gouges in his skin. They were deep, most likely caused by the long, sharp nail extensions some ladies liked to wear, or the dull blade of a man with violent tendencies. It didn’t surprise her, a lot of the men and women who used people like this did have sadistic qualities, but it didn’t help to quell the now roaring fire in her blood, wanting nothing more than to fight against the injustice of this man.

“W-What are you doing?” Levi finally managed to ask.

“Cleaning your wounds.”

“Why? Is this some kind of-”

“Preparation? No. We aren’t going to do anything. I just want to help your injuries heal.”

Levi felt like his brain was full of static, like his mouth was stuffed with cotton. He wasn’t complaining, far from it, but he couldn’t get a reading on this woman. Why would she, a noble from the surface, want to help him, a hopeless whore from the Underground?

“Wha-”

“Before you ask what my intentions are, I’m just going to tell you that I didn’t even want to do this. I was forced to come to this festival because my father wants me to become more of a proper noble woman. But since I wasn’t too thrilled about having to be here, the people I came with thought I could use an opportunity to loosen up, and paid for me to do this with you in the hopes that I’d start having fun with them afterwards. But I have no intention of doing any of that. I hate how everyone in the Underground is treated like shit, and the last thing I want to do is take advantage of someone who obviously isn’t in control of his situation. I just want to help.”

Levi closed his mouth, all of his protests dying on his tongue. He still had questions, a lot of them, but he decided those could wait, her explanation making him feel surprisingly relaxed for someone who had trained himself to never take the word of a noble at face value. He had never met anyone like her. Even before he was forced to whore himself out, all he had ever known of nobles was their complete lack of humility and egotistical sense of self-importance.

It was silent for a moment, but this time, the silence was more comfortable, both of them starting to relax a little as (Y/N) continued to patch him up. Levi felt himself loosen up a bit, his muscles unwinding as his hands settled on her waist, keeping her securely balanced on his lap as she worked. Pride swirled in (Y/N)’s chest as she felt his tense muscles soften, her eyes sparkling as she started to work her way towards earning his trust.

“What’s your happiest memory?” (Y/N) asked suddenly.

Levi quirked an eyebrow in suspicion, “Why should I tell you, brat?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” (Y/N) said, shaking her head and stifling a giggle at the nickname. “I only asked because I figured we may as well talk while we do this. Not only that, I feel like you could use some happiness right now. But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, so if you don’t want to talk to me, you don’t have to.”

Levi was silent for a minute, the cogs in his mind turning as he tried to make what he believed to be the right decision despite the fog clouding his judgement. Just as she had promised, (Y/N) waited patiently, not pressuring him to answer, or even bringing up another question. She merely sat in silence, her clear (e/c) eyes narrowed on his injuries as she worked to make him feel better.

“There was a time when I was with my friend Farlan, a few years back. We were doing a job, trying to get rid of a troublesome merchant for a client of ours when we found out the merchant had a cat. We were hiding around the corner, waiting to strike when that damn cat jumped up onto Farlan’s lap. I’m fine with cats, but that was the day we found out Farlan had some kind of allergy to them. He was trying to hold back his sneezes but finally lost control right when the merchant came around the corner, and Farlan ended up sneezing really violently in his face. That merchant got so scared he must’ve jumped at least three feet in the air, and even managed to piss himself before he took off. We still had to finish him off later, but in that moment, when Farlan was mortified and our target was running for the hills because of a cat induced sneeze, I couldn’t help but laugh a little.”

(Y/N) had paused in her work to listen to him, and couldn’t help but smile when he finished his story. Going back to work, (Y/N) didn’t ask what happened to Farlan, not wanting to drag him back down after she had finally gotten him to talk to her, about something so personal no less.

“What about you?” Levi asked.

“Hmm, I think I’d have to say when I got my horse for my birthday,” (Y/N) said. “I was never around the horses, wasn’t allowed to be in the barn because it wasn’t “proper for a lady”. But I loved them, loved seeing them on the streets when other nobles would come visit my father or when the soldiers from the Survey Corps would come back from a mission. I couldn’t stay away, so no matter how much my father tried to squash my love of them, it just wouldn’t happen. My mother eventually convinced him to let it go, and surprised me with a little chestnut filly that I named Sashay when I was about sixteen years old. Now, she’s my best friend. We’ve been through everything together, and she’s the only one who doesn’t try to force me to be something I’m not. Aside from the royal guards, I guess. They learned a long time ago to stop trying to get me to sit still and look pretty when I beat all of them in the sword fighting ring.”

Levi’s brows shot up into his hair at that, his lips parting in surprise. “You know how to sword fight?”

(Y/N) chuckled. “Yeah, not what you were expecting, huh?”

“No,” Levi said. “I’ve never heard of a noble woman who could fight, let alone with a blade. Are you any good?”

“I tend to think so, but that all depends on who I’m up against,” (Y/N) said with a cheeky smile.

For some reason, Levi couldn’t help but smile back for the first time in years. His lips felt chapped and strained from disuse, but it felt good, a light feeling flooding his chest with warmth. “You said earlier that your horse’s name is Sashay,” Levi said, suddenly changing the topic.

“Mm hm.”

“That’s weird.”

(Y/N) giggled at his bluntness, making another fluttering feeling swirl in his chest. He had never met anyone other than Farlan who saw his language as something other than rude.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” (Y/N) said. “But I named her that because she is a sassy chestnut mare. I like to imagine that if she were human, she’d be someone you wouldn’t want to mess with, someone who wouldn’t take shit from anyone, but would do so with a spicy attitude. So I named her accordingly.”

Levi huffed a laugh at her response but almost immediately regretted it when the movement of his chest caused the rough gauze at her fingertips to brush against his injuries a little harder than before, the stinging sensation making him hiss in pain.

“Sorry!” (Y/N) said, quickly retracting her hands and holding them up, waiting for him to give her the signal to continue.

“Not your fault,” Levi mumbled, motioning that it was alright for her to get back to work. “Thank you, by the way. I don’t think I said that before.”

(Y/N) shook her head. “You don’t have to thank me. I want to do this.”

Levi wanted to ask her why but remembered what she had told him at the start of this and decided to trust her word, swallowing the question and instead changing topics. “Why do you even have this? Do you always just carry a first aid kit around?”

“Only when I come to the Underground. I want to have it available for those who really need it.”

“You do know that at least half of the people down here would kill you without a second thought to get to that medicine. Or they’d kill you if they thought you were pitying them.”

“I know, but I’d like to think I can handle myself a bit more than the average person. Even so, I usually keep it hidden unless I really want or need to use it on someone, and it’s only for quick patch-ups anyway. I can’t really fix anything major.”

(Y/N) finally finished with his front and carefully slid off of his thighs, moving slowly to begin working on his back. She made sure he was okay with everything she was doing before settling herself down onto the edge of the bed behind him, her hands reaching up to start her work once more.

Levi wanted to know more about her. He felt as if he could talk to her for hours, as if he had known her for years. He wanted to know what made her laugh, what made her cry, what her vision was for the future. It was insane, so much so that Levi idly wondered if he’d fallen off the deep end. But he couldn’t deny it. She was just too intriguing, so surprisingly kind, so genuine.

What was your childhood like? What are your favorite things to do? Do you come down here often? When will I see you again?

The questions continued to rattle around in Levi’s head as they once again lapsed into a comfortable silence but he forced all of them back, not wanting to seem either too desperate to get to know her, or be seen as coming on too strong.

After debating with himself for a while, Levi finally settled on, “You’ve mentioned your father a lot, and how he doesn’t want you to be yourself.”

(Y/N) tensed a little, her face twisted in a grimace behind Levi’s back. “Yeah… he used to be better about it, but ever since my mother died, he’s been like a tyrant. He’s upset he didn’t get a son in the first place, but now that he’s stuck with me for a daughter, he’s even more disappointed that I’m not someone he can easily make profits off of by marrying me off to someone. Not only have I been adamant about not allowing it, but no nobleman wants a woman who can think for herself. A woman who can ride a horse, go toe to toe with her soldiers, has an opinion, and is knowledgeable about current conflicts. They want someone who will dress up all pretty for them and be in bed, ready to satisfy them when they get home from gambling and drinking all day while sitting on their parents’ money.”

Levi scoffed and (Y/N) huffed in agreement. “I’m just not that kind of person. Every suitor that has ever met me has run away from my casual attire and sailor’s mouth.”

“Your father wasn’t like this when your mother was alive?” Levi asked.

“He was, but he wasn’t as bad. My parents were in an arranged marriage, but they got along alright. At least my father loved my mother enough to listen to her most of the time when she told him to lay off of me. I honestly think she’s the reason why I have such a strong fighting spirit.”

“I’m sorry she’s gone,” Levi said awkwardly, not used to providing words of comfort.

“Thanks,” (Y/N) said genuinely, a warm smile gracing her beautiful features.

“I didn’t know my mother that well,” Levi said haltingly, still unsure why he felt comfortable telling her about things he hadn’t even talked to Farlan about. “She died of a disease when I was four years old. She was a prostitute, like me, so I never knew my father. When she died, I was picked up by a man named Kenny, who I thought might’ve been my father for a short while, but as I grew older, I realized he wasn’t. I don’t have any proof, I just know. When he abandoned me at ten, I was alone for a few years before I met Farlan.”

“So… you didn’t get stuck doing this because of your mother?” (Y/N) asked carefully, almost afraid to ask in case it made him shy away from her.

“No,” Levi said slowly. “I was twenty years old when I was caught stealing from a rich friend of this brothel owner. I had made a mistake and there was no way out. He figured out who I was, a thug who was known at the time for carrying out favors for people, whether that meant stealing or killing depended on how much they were willing to pay. Unfortunately, this led them to Farlan, and he gave me a choice. Me, or my best and only friend.”

“And you chose to save your friend at the expense of yourself,” (Y/N) finished for him in a hoarse whisper, filled with horror and unbridled fury at what this man had been through. She figured she should’ve been alarmed, he had just admitted that he had blood on his hands. He was a thief, a thug, a criminal, a murderer. But (Y/N) knew those things were nearly requirements for living in the Underground and no matter how she thought about it, she couldn’t think of anything that would make this man deserve what he was going through.

(Y/N) opened her mouth to say something just as she put the last bandage in place when a loud pounding on the door startled them both. “Time’s up, you two!” The brothel owner shouted through the door.

(Y/N) shot up from the bed and rushed around to where the water and first aid kit sat, quickly packing up the little box of supplies and splashing her face with water, trying to make herself look sweaty enough to look convincing. Once everything had been packed away, (Y/N) stood and shrugged off her leather jacket, throwing it to him.

“Here, take this, it’ll keep your boss from seeing the bandages and trying to get rid of them. It’ll also give your injuries a little more protection from the bacteria in this room.”

Levi wanted to refuse, tell her he couldn’t accept a gift like this, even if it was temporary, but no words would come out as he watched the beautiful woman in front of him mess up her hair and swipe her fingers across her lips, trying to make herself look as wrecked as possible. When she finally looked the part enough to seem convincing, (Y/N) made her way to the door, turning one last time before she opened it to throw him a wink and a sweet smile.

“~Goodbye Levi, I hope we can see each other again soon.”

The lilt in her voice was fake, an act for anyone who may be listening on the other side of the door, meant to be taken as a sickly promise of more sexual endeavors to come, but he could feel the genuine emotion in her statement.

“I hope so too,” Levi said quietly after she had already left, the once comforting quiet of his room now making him feel lonely and empty.

The sound of pounding on his door woke Levi abruptly, making the raven-haired man growl in anger and annoyance. It was rare that the poor man got to sleep, not only because customers could come in at almost any time, day or night, but also because of the horrible insomnia that often plagued him. It made him even more irritable to be woken up, his body sore and his mind groggy as another round of pounding roused him further and prompted him to swing his legs over the side of the small cot he was provided when not busy fucking, and make his way to the door.

“What?” Levi snapped when he swung open the door, genuinely surprised that the pig who owned him hadn’t just burst into his room like he always did, raving about yet another customer for Levi.

“Get your shit, you’re going to the surface.”

Levi blinked. This had to be some kind of joke. The brothel owner never let anyone under his foot leave the brothel, let alone the Underground. Even the highest class noble women couldn’t request for him to come to them, the old man not trusting his prostitutes to be sent back. Especially Levi.

“Oi, your ears gone to shit now? Grab your pathetic bullshit and get out of my sight,” the man snarled, his small, watery eyes narrowed on Levi like he was the scum of the world.

Shaking himself out of it, Levi didn’t hesitate for another moment, rushing back into his room to grab the pitifully few things he had with him, including the leather jacket he had gotten from (Y/N), draping it over his shoulders to hide his healing injuries just in case it was a trick. The festival was still going on afterall, this could just be some ruse the old man set up to make the experience more interesting for the men and women who paid for him.

When Levi returned, the man pulled a gun from his jacket pocket and jerked his head, signaling Levi to follow him. Levi knew better than to risk running. In his full health he could’ve easily escaped from the man’s clutches, but with little more than a half hour of rest, his injured body, weak muscles, and the remnants of the drugs still working through his system, Levi didn’t trust himself to outrun a bullet, and knew the pig wouldn’t hesitate to fire, no matter how valuable Levi was to him.

Even though Levi kept expecting the brothel owner to turn down a secluded street and lead him right into an ambush or trick of some sort, he never did, leading Levi right to the stairs exiting the Underground. When they reached the guards at the base of the stairs, the man took two slips of paper from the inner pocket of his worn brown coat and showed it to the guard. When he was cleared to continue on, the brothel owner turned and motioned for Levi to stay close as he stomped his way up the stairs, grumbling incoherently to himself all the while.

Breaching the surface, Levi brought an arm to his face, shielding his eyes from the intensity of the sun as it attacked his face with warm, bright light. He eventually got used to it, slowly lowering his arm and rushing to catch up with his boss, who was impatiently grunting for him to hurry up.

Passing through what appeared to be a busy market square, Levi followed the brothel owner along the lively cobblestone streets until they reached a quieter part of the town, stopping along the edge of a beautiful flower field, the grassy meadow filled with colorful blossoms that secretly took Levi’s breath away.

The sound of horse hooves caught his attention, and Levi looked up only to have the air fly from his lungs when (Y/N)’s bright face came into view, the stunning woman seated astride whom he assumed to be Sashay and flanked by two armed men.

“Right on time,” the brothel owner grumbled, his little pig eyes narrowing when he saw her passive aggressive smile.

“Of course I’m on time, this is my deal, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” the man growled. “Are you sure you want this one? He’s my most popular, I’d hate to lose him.”

“Yes, he’s the one I want. Besides, I believe the money I’ve paid you has far exceeded the profit you have earned from having him around. I’m sure you will be able to manage.”

The man sneered at her but didn’t respond, using the muzzle of the gun to push Levi forward and digging in his pocket to fish out the same pieces of paper he had shown the guards on the stairs, handing them to (Y/N).

“Thank you, sir. I believe we are done here.”

The brothel owner slunk off, casting dark looks at her but refusing to argue as he hunkered off to head back down to the Underground, where he would continue to rot like the rat he was. Levi watched him go before turning to (Y/N), surprised by the bright smile she flashed him when he met her gaze.

“(Y/N)? What’s going on?”

(Y/N) smiled even wider and held up the pieces of paper she had been handed. One of them was the file labeling him as a slave to the brothel owner, keeping him from escaping, and the other was a bill of sale. His eyes widened when he saw her signature on the bottom of both pages, officially registering her as his new owner. He opened his mouth, about to speak when she took both pages in her hands and ripped them in half, letting the torn pages float onto the street below, forgotten, useless.

“There, you’re free now.”

Levi was at a loss for words, his mouth gaping open. “(Y/N)? What-”

“Before you ask me what my intentions are, I’m just going to tell you that I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I couldn’t stop thinking about your life, your sacrifice, your pain, and I decided I could do something about it. You are human, and damn it, you are an important one! I couldn’t just leave you there. Now, you won’t have to work for anyone but yourself. You won’t have to cater to anyone else’s needs and you can fulfill whatever dreams you have.”

“But, that must’ve cost you a fortune, to cover more than the amount of money he’s made off of using me? What about-”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Levi. I want to use my funds for good, put them towards the people who need it the most. That includes you. Especially you. I couldn’t bear the thought of you having to stay in that shit hole for even a second longer than necessary.”

“What do I do now, then?” Levi asked, trying to focus on keeping his voice steady.

“Well, you can do whatever you want now. You’re a free man, you can find a house and settle down somewhere, or you can go back to the Underground and pick up your life where you left off. You can join the military, or you can start a small business here in the square. It’s anything you want. You get to choose your life now.”

“And what if I don’t want to do any of those things?”

(Y/N) couldn’t help the smile that flashed across her face then, her heart filling with warmth. “Like I said, it’s your choice, you can do whatever you want, carve your own path, but if you want to come with me, you’re always welcome to.”

Levi’s lip twitched and he took a step forward, reaching up to pat Sashay’s muzzle as he got closer. “Alright, I’ll follow you.”

(Y/N) beamed before turning around to nod at each one of her guards, dismissing them. When they had left, presumably returning to (Y/N)’s family estate, she reached down for him, her hand extended for him to take. Placing his rough palm into her warm hand, he allowed her to help him up into the saddle behind her, his arms wrapping around her waist to keep himself secure as (Y/N) kicked Sashay into an easy canter. Sighing blissfully, Levi let himself relax, his chin coming down to rest on (Y/N)’s shoulder as they made their way home, together.

Levi had never expected to see the day when he would willingly go with a noble, but then again, he never thought he’d ever meet a noble like (Y/N). Now, as he felt her warmth soak into his chest, he knew he’d made the right decision.

Levi finally felt the remnant effects of the drugs in his system fade away as the sun beams broke through the fluffy clouds in the sky, leaving his mind clear. He was making this decision all on his own, nothing left to impair his judgement, and no matter what, he knew he would never regret the path he chose to take just so long as (Y/N) stayed by his side.

152 notes · View notes

bethsuglywigs · 4 years ago

Text

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

The krav maga scene! That guy is a criminally underrated character. He basically told Dean 1) your wife isn’t going to stop fucking that guy; 2) you’re acting stupid; 3) you are stupid; and 4) get divorced. And it started with him choking Dean and calling him a pussy so... iconic for that alone.

I also loved the “I can’t live without her” line. He’s not even talking about Beth really because he doesn’t love her but he can’t live knowing she’s loves someone else (especially Rio) and he doesn’t know how to do basic chores or take care of his children without her. To me this is such a revealing line, because he spends the whole episode trying to get rid of Rio rather than trying to win Beth back.

[how funny would it have been if he had been the hit man in s3]

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

The bar scene with Annie and Noah. I never thought they had any chemistry at all (and I think he’s ugly, sorry to that actor). But this scene in particular is so cringy to me that I have to fast forward through it.

3. I know time does not exist in the Good Girls universe (or in reality anymore), but let’s start with a timeline question! The implication of the opening montage is that a bit of time has past since Beth strongarmed the partnership with Rio at the end of 2.06. How long do you think it’s been? And more importantly, what do you think these early days of their partnership looked like?

I agree with @foxmagpie its probably been around a month, maybe a little longer depending on where Beth was in her calendar making process.

I imagine their early partnership was relatively smooth even though he’s clearly trying to run her into the ground as punishment for strong-arming him/not checking “yes” on his “do you like me note.” In their argument at the recital, she says they keep taking about this (referring to her work/life balance) so that’s probably been a sticking point between them. Beth’s not shy about complaining so I imagine he’s probably gotten an ear full.

But based on the roses on the calendar (okay hello middle school diary) and how comfortable and open they are with each other in the 2.08 bench scene, I also think these meetings have been overall pleasant. I imagine they talked business then hung out a bit and just enjoyed each others company.

4. The first scene between Ruby and Turner in this episode is a really dynamic one! It’s pretty clear that Ruby’s afraid of Turner, but what do you think Turner thinks of Ruby?

I think Turner sees Ruby as Beth lackey.

5. Taking the kids to the drop was a pretty big mistake! What do you think Beth should’ve done in this instance? Do you think saying no again to Rio was an option?

I do think saying no to Rio was an option. Like what would Rio do??? But I don’t think it was an option to Beth because she’s trying to establish herself and prove that she’s cut out for this kind of work.

Idk why she didn’t just call Ruby and ask if you could drop the kids with her. Or leave them with Annie, that way her kids aren’t in the drug car. Isn’t Kenny like 13? He couldn’t watch his siblings for an hour? I know the Dean gene runs strong in him, but I think it would have been better than literally taking all her children to a drug deal.

6. The krav maga teacher offers some sage advice telling Dean to not order the hit and instead just divorce his wife, haha. Do you think that he thought the baby hitmen would come through for Dean? Or do you think he was deliberately setting Dean up to get robbed?

I think he just gave him the humber of some local hooligans just to get Dean off his back. He probably figured they’d jerk him around, but not actually do anything.

7. During Ben and Annie’s tense conversation, Ben tells Annie that she’s hard to keep track of - she’s parent mom, cool mom, sketchy mom. In a lot of ways, this feels like a parallel to Ruby talking to Beth in the last episode and calling her ‘drug Beth, gun Beth, human trafficking Beth’. What do you make of this? And how do you think it relates to the show’s themes?

I skipped this scene because Ben was annoying me.

8. The scene with the girls in the house! Tell me all your thoughts please!!!

All my money for Rio to see Beth act like this.

9. Annie meets Noah in this episode! What do you think of their introduction to one another? And how would you rate Noah on the scale of ‘Garbage Annie Love Interests’?

He’s pretty garbage, but at least he’s not her literal therapist.

10. Beth has two pivotal and emotionally revealing fights this episode - one with Dean and the other with Rio. How do these fights compare? And what do you think they tell us about her respective relationship with them?

What these two scenes reveal about the characters:

Dean: Legit doesn’t care about Beth or her safety. It would be one thing if he actually brought up the dangers of her work, but he just uses it as a gotcha to deflect his failure as a parent on Beth. He’s way more obsessed with getting Rio away from Beth than he is about finding his missing daughter or rebuilding his marriage.

Beth: She genuinely trusts and relies on Rio. She defends him to Dean and immediately goes to him to help her.

Rio: just say you’re in love with king. He’s worried about her! He doesn’t want her to go to jail or get murdered because he cares about her. Not only does he care about her physical safety, he cares about her feelings because he goes to that house and gets her the baby blanket.

11. Ruby takes Jane being missing as an opportunity to try and find evidence on Beth for Turner and, in the process, finds Jane too. How do you think this scene captures Ruby’s moral dilemma? And do you think it’s a satisfying turning point in the Ruby-Turner arc?

I don’t think the Ruby-Turner act is satisfying at all. I don’t like it or care about it. I do like that it sets up the right between Beth and Ruby in the next episode though.

12. RIO GETS BETH THE DUBBY!! That’s it, that’s the question. Please discuss.

Ngl I legit though this was so stupid when I first saw this episode. I didn’t even think twice about the implications. But I’m different now. Today I was screaming.

Now that I actually rubbed my brain cells together, I see just how wild this scene is. Mr. Neck Tatts really revealed his hand here, not just to Beth, but those random drug dealers and which ever littler gang bangers he took with him on mission baby blanket.

#gg rewatch #I know it’s been a min since I did one of these #but here we go anyway

12 notes · View notes

newstanmarshblog · 4 years ago

Text

A Stan Mpreg Fanfiction: Two pregnant dudes at Stark’s Pond

It was a lovely day in South Park as the sky was clear with a few clouds, birds were singing, and the weather is not as cold than usual. Stan opens his window to feel the outdoors, and then after a moment later, he decided that he wanted to enjoy a nice walk at Stark’s Pond before he was due to give birth to his new unborn child.

Stan smiling: *rubbing his huge belly* I’m in a mood for a relaxing walk, today. Would you like that, sweet heart?

The baby moves inside him calmly.

Stan: I’ll take that as a yes.

Usually, Stan would do things with Kyle, but he’s out of town for the day because he promised Ike to take him on a huge nature walk and a side stop at Casa Bonita while coming back from their long walk. Stan would’ve come along too, but due to how heavily pregnant he is now, along with parts of the trail being super rocky, he made a safe move to stay home. He wanted to walk with someone at Stark’s Pond, and it took him only a second to decide that he’ll try asking one of his other best friend, plus he was the only other pregnant guy in South Park, Kenny.

Kenny just got out of the shower and as he got out, he felt a huge kick on his heavily pregnant belly. And his stomach was growling.

Kenny: *rubbing his huge belly* Woah there, girl! We’ll be having breakfast as soon as I get dressed.

As he got back into his room, his cellphone was ringing and he noticed that it’s Stan trying to call him because of the caller ID. He picks up his phone and answers it.

Kenny: What’s up, Stan. How’s things been with you lately?

Stan: Not much. My baby was moving inside of me a moment ago. It was one of those beautiful kind of movements. And how about you?

Kenny: My baby also moved a moment ago, but she gave me a hard kick. She’s really hungry for breakfast.

As he was listening to Kenny, Stan’s stomach was growling and he gives his huge belly a rub.

Stan: My baby is also really hungry as well. He doesn’t like to be kept waiting. *laughs*

Kenny: *laugh* Yeah, my baby doesn’t like to be kept waiting too. So anyway, what’s the reason for calling me?

Stan: Well, it is a nice day today. I was thinking about taking a relaxing walk at Stark’s Pond today, and even take a seat at that bench to watch the pond while hoping to find any animals. However, I don’t want to walk alone, and Kyle’s out of town for today. So, I was hoping if you and Butters are not doing anything right now, would you guys like to join me?

Kenny: Well, Butters isn’t available for today. He had to cover in for Scott Malkinson at McDonald’s because Scott wanted to make an excuse by pretending to be sick so that he can buy and play that new Spider-Man video game. But I’m totally free for today. So I’m in!

Stan: Sweet! Let’s meet up by 10:30 so that way we have plenty of time to eat our breakfast and get ready for our day. And hopefully, our babies won’t be bothering us for anymore food for a while.

Kenny: I couldn’t agree with you anymore, dude. See you in a bit, bye.

Stan: Bye.

The backstory of how both Stan & Kenny got pregnant goes back during Bebe’s birthday party. Nearly everyone was at the party except for Cartman because of what a huge dick he is to everybody, although he did tried to sneak into the party by disguising himself as an overweight woman, but his ex-girlfriend Heidi noticed his disguised really quickly before anyone else did. During that party night, there were a lot of boozes for everyone to drink, but the people that drank more than the rest were Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and even Butters. They got so wasted that after partying like crazy, they decided that they wanted to make love. Stan got together with Kyle, while Kenny and Butters paired up. Each group decided that who’s ever penis was bigger, will be the dominant one during sex. Kyle’s dick was a bit larger than Stan’s, while Butters’ dick surpasses Kenny’s by almost half an inch. Both Stan & Kenny were the submissive ones during sex and because of that, their boyfriends fucked them both in the ass really good and got filled with cum afterwards. Even though Stan & Kenny couldn’t remember much of their drunkenness activities during that night, but the one thing they’ll never forget is that feeling of their boyfriend’s dick inside their butthole.

Some weeks later, both Stan & Kenny were vomiting a lot during each morning and they needed to figured out what’s wrong. They went to the doctor to discover the reasoning why they’re throwing up a lot. The doctor told them that they were experiencing morning sickness and they were also both pregnant. Stan & Kenny were both in so disbelief to hear the news that they even took some pregnancy tests just to be sure, and those tests were all positives.

Shortly afterwards, Stan & Kenny had to tell Kyle & Butters that they were pregnant with their unborn child. When Stan told Kyle about the news, he was very shocked to hear about it, got upset a bit, but after a few breaths, he hugged Stan and apologized for his overreaction. Kyle made a promise to be there for Stan whenever he needs him most, and he is also committed to be the best father he can ever be while Stan is committed to be the best mother as much as he can. Meanwhile, when Kenny told Butters that he was pregnant with his baby, Butters got scared and super nervous because he doesn’t know how he can be a good parent, plus he feels like he can’t handle that kind of responsibility. Kenny tells him that he’ll help him out on being a wonderful parent since he had similar experiences of watching over his little sister. Ever since then, Butters has learned a lot of becoming a good parent. And then when the time came to tell their own parents about the news, the mothers were all positives and supportive, while the fathers were all shocked and need time to calm down after hearing about it. But shortly later, they too were all supportive to their sons on becoming new parents.

Now 9 months later since that night, Stan & Kenny are both heavily pregnant and they’re each due to give birth within at least by next week or two. But before they can start worrying about childbirth, they’re now about to have a nice peaceful walk together at Stark’s Pond. Stan was the 1st to make it, but after a few minute wait, Kenny finally arrived.

Stan smiling: Hey, dude!

Kenny smiles back: What’s up, man! You sure have picked a perfect day for a walk.

Stan: Yeah, I don’t see any people around here at the moment. So, it’s just gonna be us pregnant dudes for the most part.

Kenny: Just what I needed to hear because every time I go out with Butters, there’ll be some people staring at my huge belly.

Stan: Same thing with me whenever I’m out with Kyle. Which is why I don’t get out to often except for doctor appointments. And man, our bellies sure have gotten bigger since we last met.

Kenny: Hey, would you like compare our bellies to see which is bigger?

Stan: Ah, what the hell. I’m curious to find out about that too.

Stan lifted up his brown jacket while Kenny lifted up his orange hoodie, and the two show off their huge pregnant belly to each other. They even decided to let their belly button to tip touch together.

Stan: Wow, it’s hard to say which of our belly is bigger. I feel like our bellies are about the same size exactly.

Kenny: Agreed. Especially since we’ll only carrying one baby each, and we also got both knocked up around the same time.

Both then lift back down their clothing to cover their huge belly.

Stan: Alright dude, ready to go on our walk?

Kenny: Yep. Let’s go.

Stan & Kenny begins their walk together to the pond. And along the way, they have themselves a conversation about how their pregnancies has been since they’ve last seen each other. They haven’t seen each other in person since just before the start of month 6 of their pregnancy.

Kenny: So Stan, how’s your pregnancy going along since the last time we’ve seen each other?

Stan: Aside from the huge support I’ve been getting from friends and family, my most favorite thing about my pregnancy is feeling a movement or a cute kick from my baby. Every time he moves, I rub my huge belly to feel him. I love it so much!

Kenny: Yeah dude, same thing with me whenever my baby girl moves. Although she gives me a huge kick sometimes whenever I need to eat. It happened to me again after I got out of the shower.

Stan: My baby rarely kicks me hard. It only happens to me when either I get really hungry or if there’s loud sounds near by like 20 feet away from me. I believe he has only gave me something like 5 hard kicks so far since month 6 of my pregnancy.

Kenny: My little girl has kicked me hard more often in the last 3 months than your baby boy. I feel like she has kicked me somewhere between 15 to 20 times already. I swear, she’ll make herself a great soccer player! *laughs*

Stan laughing: I bet she would, dude. She would. *stops laughing* Anyway, how’s your pregnancy going so far?

Kenny: Well, food wise, it sucks that I haven’t had any of my favorite foods like burgers and fish & chips since I’ve learned about my pregnancy. Plus, it also suck balls that I can’t even drink any beer since I like having them once a while. One of the things I’m looking forward to after childbirth is to have myself a bottle of beer.

Stan: I know exactly how you feel when I first learn about my pregnancy. I was a bit upset when I was no longer allowed to have any alcoholic drinks until shorty after I give birth. But you know what dude, sometime later after I told my parents about my pregnancy, I was remained back to an old lesson from my past.

Kenny: What’s that?

Stan: Back when I was eight during that time when I was taking karate lessons, my dad was going through alcoholic problems, and I was able to help him out by telling him of having your own power to control your drinking and discipline.

Kenny: Discipline?

Stan: I said to him that all or nothing is easy. But learning to drink a little bit, responsibly, that’s a discipline. Discipline… come from within. I’ve forgotten about that moral lesson years later, and then I was going through my own drinking problem. And sometime later after I told my parents that I was pregnant and how I got knocked up, my dad remained me back to those very words that I once told him when I was a kid. Since then, I’ve made an oath to myself that after childbirth, I’ll be much more careful on how I drink for now on. Because if I’m not careful on my drinking again, then I still haven’t learned any full complete discipline at all.

Kenny was silent for a moment after what Stan has just said. And then he made his reply.

Kenny: Wow, dude. Just… wow. Hearing from what you just said to me remains of my own drinking problem back before I became pregnant. My parents drank a lot during my childhood years, and I became like them when I got fully grown-up. During the last several months, Butters has been telling me that I should be more careful on how I drink after childbirth. I always told him something like “Okay, okay. I’ll be careful” without being totally serious about it because I have a love passion for my beer. But after hearing for what you said, I’m beginning to feel that Butters was right all along. If I’m going to be a wonderful mother to my daughter, then I too will make the exact same oath as yours, Stan. And just like our friendship, this shall be the oath that I hope will never be broken for the rest of my life!

Stan smiles and pats Kenny on one his shoulder.

Stan: I’m proud of you, Kenny. By taking this oath together, it’ll help us both on becoming the best mother for each of our new family. *rubbing his huge belly*

Kenny smiling: Yeah, and this forever oath will also help us to learn full complete discipline. *rubs his huge belly too*

From that point on, Stan & Kenny continue on with their walk to the pond without having an another conversation. After 10 minutes of walking, they’ve made it to Stark’s Pond.

Stan: Finally made it. Boy, when you’re this heavily pregnant, walking is more of a chore than a quick exercise.

Kenny: Yeah man, it can be a pain in the ass at times. Let’s take a seat at that bench, shall we?

Stan: Hell yeah, dude. I need as much relaxing time at the bench as I can.

They both take their seat at the bench, and watch the pond as they noticed a mother duck with a couple ducklings.

Stan: *pointing at the mother duck* That’s going to be us very soon.

Kenny: Yeah. Do you think that you want to have another child with Kyle after giving birth to your baby boy?

Stan: Huh? I never thought about that. Just by looking at the mother duck and her kids does make me feel like wanting to have an another child with him, although he and I need to discuss that idea 1st before making a final decision. How about you, Ken? Are you willing to have an another child with Butters?

Kenny: Tough to say. I’m willing to carry one more baby if he wants to, but I feel like he wants to only focus on our baby girl. If things goes nicely, then maybe we might think about having one more child into our family.

Stan: Safe choice, dude. Because I wouldn’t want to have an another child if life is gonna be like hell after childbirth. It’s best to carry an another baby inside you when life is going wonderful for your new family.

Kenny: Agreed.

Both then relaxed themselves for several minutes as they continue to watch the mother duck and her ducklings, and they also saw a blue jay flying by.

Stan: Hey dude, have you and Butters came up with a name for your baby girl, yet?

Kenny: We were having that kind of discussion last night actually. Butters wanted to name her “Meg” after seeing that new blockbuster shark movie about the Megalodon, but I told him that would be a very bad idea because when she grows up, everyone will be quoting to her, “Shut up, Meg” all the time. A quote joke that just got really old, and annoying as years goes by.

Stan: I know what you mean. That quote was alright for the first couple years, but as time goes by and Family Guy just keeps on getting more popular on social media, it definitely gets more and more irritating as fuck.

Kenny: That’s what I said to him exactly. Butters eventually agreed with me because of how he was used to be called names all time back at elementary school, and he doesn’t want our daughter going through a similar situation like he had.

Stan: And I also would like to point out for a moment that while Cartman is still such a huge asshole and all, but he is right on one thing, Family Guy really does suck. At least, not as much a good show as it was back then before jumping the shark multiple times.

Kenny: Same thing with me, dude. I don’t even like that show anymore. Anyway, how about you and Kyle? Have you guys named your baby boy yet?

Stan: Not yet, we’re still working on that.

Kenny: Yeah, me and Butters are still working on a name for our baby too.

Stan: I want to name our baby John after the great “John Elway” himself, but Kyle wanted to name him Chris after his most favorite movie actor, “Chris Hemsworth”. It’s just so hard to find a name that both me and Kyle can agree on.

Kenny: Indeed. I was thinking about naming my baby girl Nazz, but the more I think about it, I feel like her name should be a beautiful one. And the name Nazz didn’t sound right for it.

Stan: Hopefully, we’ll each have a name for our babies before childbirth happens.

Kenny: You and me both.

Both chilled out for a few minutes to catch their breath.

Kenny: Stan, have you and Kyle made a room for your baby yet?

Stan: He and I actually got done decorating his room last weekend. I even took some pictures on my phone after the room was completed if you like to see them.

Kenny: Yeah man, I would love to! Butters and I also completed our baby girl’s room a few weeks back. I’ll be more than happy to show you my pictures of our daughter’s room from my phone as well.

Stan: Sweet!

The two show off their pictures to each other.

Stan & Kyle’s room for their baby boy have the wall painted light blue with some cute farm animals on it. It also has a comfortable chair, a white dresser for his clothes, a toy bin where all the toys & stuffed animals are kept at, and his crib is placed at the right side of the room that also has a Winnie the Pooh themed blanket.

Kenny & Butters’ room for the their baby girl have the wall painted light pink with some flowers on it. The room has a rocking chair, a light purple dresser for her clothes with a couple of plushie horses on top of the dresser, a basket of all of Butters’ old beanie babies that he used to collect when he was a toddler, and her crib is placed at right side corner next to the window.

Stan: Your daughter’s room looks really adorable, dude. You and Butters sure have done a great job on her room.

Kenny: I can say the same thing about your son’s room. His room is just as super cute as my baby girl’s room.

Stan smiling: Thanks, man.

And then suddenly, both of their unborn babies began to move inside of their huge bellies.

Stan excited: Oh dude, my baby is moving!

Kenny excited: Mine too!

Stan lifted up his brown jacket to feel his baby’s movements as Kenny does the same thing with his orange hoodie. Then both begin to rub their huge bellies as the babies keep on moving. They just love feeling their baby’s movement so much.

Stan: Hey, Kenny, do you want to rub my huge belly to feel my baby boy?

Kenny: Hell yeah, man! You should do the same thing with my baby girl as well.

Stan: I’ll be more than happy to do that!

Kenny then places one of his hands on Stan’s huge belly as Stan does the same thing of having one his hands on Kenny’s huge belly. As they were rubbing each other bellies, they were also blushing a little and made a sweet smile.

Stan smiling: You know dude, sometime after our babies are born, we should have them meet each other in person so that way can start a beautiful friendship together.

Kenny smiling: I love that idea so much, Stan. And I’m very sure they would both be great friends together.

Stan smiling: I believe that they would, Kenny. They definitely will be together for a very long time.

Then the two continues on rubbing their own belly for a couple minutes until their babies stopped moving, and then cover their huge bellies again. Afterwards, the mother duck and her duckling leaves the pond to adventure onwards to the glass field. That was the moment when Stan & Kenny decided that it was for them to leave also.

Stan: We should better be heading back now, dude. It’s almost lunch time for our babies.

Kenny: Yeah, man. Before they kick us really hard for food again. *laughs*

Stan & Kenny begins their walk back on the trail that takes them just as long as walking to the pond. Along the way, they’ve encountered a couple squirrels, an another blue jay, and the only other person aside from themselves on the trail, Mr. Mackey.

Mr. Mackey: Hello boys, it’s been a long while since we last seen each other.

Stan & Kenny: Hey, Mr. Mackey.

Mr. Mackey is still South Park elementary’s school counselor, although he does plan to retire from the job sometime next year. The last time Stan & Kenny saw Mr. Mackey was back during the 3rd month of their pregnancies when everyone in town was starting to learn that they were carrying babies despite not being women. Mr. Mackey was one of the 1st people in town to come forward to show his support for their pregnancies.

Mr. Mackey: So, how have you two been doing during your pregnancy so far?

Stan: It has it’s ups and downs. And we’re both due to give birth to our babies pretty soon.

Mr. Mackey: M’Kay. Which gender are you babies?

Kenny: I’m carrying a girl, and he’s carrying a boy.

Mr. Mackey: That’s wonderful, M’kay! And do you guys have a name for them yet?

Stan: Not yet, that’s still being worked on. How’s the school been lately?

Mr. Mackey: It’s been the same place just as when you guys went to middle school. Also, the school and myself are both very proud for you two and Kyle & Butters on becoming new parents. And we wish you guys well and have wonderful new memories for your children to be never forgotten.

Kenny smiling: Thanks, Mr. Mackey. That means a lot to us.

Suddenly, both Stan & Kenny’s stomachs growl pretty loudly.

Stan little embarrassed: Sorry about that. Our stomachs using growl like this everyday during our pregnancy whenever we’re hungry.

Kenny: Yeah, we gotta get going to feed ourselves and our babies. They don’t like to wait very long for food.

Mr. Mackey: M’kay, I understand. Well anyway, it’s was nice to see you two again. I hope you guys can stop by the school and show us your new children whenever you can.

Stan: We will, especially since they’ll be going to that school within a few years anyway.

Mr. Mackey: So long, boys. And take care, M’Kay!

Stan & Kenny: Bye!

Several minutes later after seeing Mr. Mackey, they were back at the entrance where they met up earlier.

Stan: Hey dude, do you want to come over at my place to eat lunch?

Kenny: Thanks for the offer man, but I’ll pass. After lunch, I’m just gonna give myself a hot bath and wait there until Butters gets back from work because he doesn’t get home until around 3. I want to keep on discussing with him on naming our baby.

Stan: Oh, okay then. I might also give myself a hot bath too after lunch while reading my book.

Kenny: What book are you reading? Is it an another book about the great “John Elway”? *laughs*

Stan: Nope, I’ve already read 3 books about him. I’m actually reading a book by “Cesar Millan” on how to raise a perfect dog. I’m thinking about rescuing a dog sometime after me and Kyle find a new house that has more room than our current apartment.

Kenny: That’s pretty sweet.

Stan: Anyway, I better get going now to feed myself and my baby. Oh and Kenny, one last thing.

Kenny: Yeah?

Stan: When you and Butters have a name for your daughter, please give me a text or call when you have it.

Kenny: Sure thing. And you do the same when you and Kyle have a name for your son.

Stan: Will do. I hope we see each other sometime soon after our childbirth. Have a great day, Ken. Bye!

Kenny: See you soon, dude. Bye!

A few days later after meeting up at Stark’s Pond, Stan & Kenny gave each other a call about finally having a name for their soon to be born babies. Stan & Kyle’s baby boy was named “Robin”, and Kenny & Butters’ baby girl was named “Jasmine”. A week later, they both finally went into labor and gave birth to Robin & Jasmine. Only about a month later after childbirth, Robin & Jasmine finally met each other for the 1st time during a huge celebration party to congratulate Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters on their new babies and becoming parents to start a new family. It was from that moment on, is where the huge friendship between Robin & Jasmine started. And it shall be a wonderful bond that’ll never be broken, just like the eternal bond between their mothers before them.

The end

3 notes · View notes

breakyrlegs · 6 years ago

Text

The 80 Best Albums of 2018

80. Beware the Book of Eli- Ski Mask the Slump God

For someone who has spent so much time living in the shadow of everyone’s (least) favorite Soundcloud rap quasi-martyr, Ski Mask the Slump God is one of the more audacious technical virtuosos out there. There’s no time to lose on Beware, so every second is a product of Ski anxiously shredding through ways to get your attention. There is no flow he’s afraid to try, no sound he won’t make.

79. 7- Beach House

Beach House have monopolized a space in the indie-rock sphere for about a decade now. Their dominance is no fluke, but after a few hard-hitters, I was worried that they might make the same album over and over again. However, just a week after the almost too obvious Depression Cherry, they dropped Thank Your Lucky Stars, a more lucid affair. It marked a new chapter. 7 sees them continue to be done with making dream pop for sweet, peaceful dreams...they’re now making music for all dreams, especially the ones that linger into the morning, the ones you have to ask around about to make sure they weren’t real. Corny? Maybe, but it’s nice to see a stubborn band add even more dimension to their seasoned sound.

78. El Hombre- El Alfa

What does it mean to be “el hombre”? There’s no straight answer but if I had to take a crack at it, I’d say it‘s when you spearhead an entire genre so hard that when you venture out of said genre, people complain about it, even though the song features Cardi B. It also could be when you make yourself sound like the most obnoxious cartoon mouse imaginable, yet still manage to spit out a slapper. He may be the king of dembow, but El Alfa can’t be pigeonholed. Whether his voice is a sputtering tour-de-force or a comically nasal squelch, this album is a celebration of the ridiculous. In the end, the best songs are peak dembow, where a cloying sample of El Alfa’s voice works itself into a tornado and thumps for what could be forever.

77. 777- KEY! & Kenny Beats

Kenny was a prodigal son who left hip hop with dollar signs in his eyes and his tongue sticking out, tempted by the call of #REAL #TRAP #SHIT. Key! was an artist who had existed on the periphery of the scene, paying his dues while earning the most visibility when tacked onto the end of a Father song. They are the type of match that would slip under the radar until you realize that not only do they bring out the best in each other, but they also tap into something quite glamorous. The beats bump, the melodies stick, the energy is so high, and Key! treats this like his magnum opus. He’s expressive, dynamic, and Kenny lets him do it without any gimmicks.

76. Soma 0,5 Mg- Taconafide

Maybe I’m a little biased, but I can’t understate how much this means to me. A Polish rap album that doesn’t draw on trends that fell out of favor eight years ago? One that is building its own lane and not just tangentially existing on the sidelines of the American scene? One that has not only one moderately funny song but a whole pack of well-thought out, extremely catchy bangers? No way. It’s too good to be true. Taco and Quebonafide carry themselves like they know that this is the album of a generation, that millions of Polish kids living their lives peering across the pond finally have something that is distinctly their own, and, more importantly, distinctly Polish. Dawaj dawaj!

75. Shadow On Everything- BAMBARA

It’s hard to talk dirt on an album that has all its instrumentation down to a tee. Sure, you can’t get by on technical efficiency alone, but when bellowing drums translate into something so menacing and a flurry of guitars create such a haunting ambient presence, you take no detours when you’re propelled into the darkness. These songs are packed with enough action to tell stories but really, they just set scenes. That’s for the better. BAMBARA circumvent all the pitfalls of making post-punk in 2018 by putting passion into everything, ramping up the chaos as much as they can.

74. Doomsday Clarion- Airport

The world of fragile, noisy Soundcloud electronic collages is a pretty funny one, but rarely does the humor feel as sharp as it does on Doomsday Clarion. Miranda Pharis compiles sounds that never cease to keep me amused, intrigued, and, most importantly, spooked. They also find a way to tie them together so that it feels like non-stop commentary. Halfway through this thing, when we are exposed to a tangent about how one of the songs excels at putting an unnamed Youtube commenter’s rabbit to sleep, at first it’s like “LOL random”, but then it starts to feel like a snarky dissection of underground culture performativity...and it makes me wanna keep reaching as hard as I did there. It’s the type of record that wants to make you sound like a fool, yet Pharis doesn’t scoff as much as they embrace and pay homage. These turbulent compositions are all the more essential for it.

73. Nasty- Rico Nasty

There’s a few things you learn on Rico Nasty’s thunderous entrance. Apart from her sixth sense for broke boys and fake bitches, the observation that hits the hardest is that she’s pretty...well...nasty. She’s also not even close to being interested in apologizing for her fame, and anyone who thinks she should because she’s done it by making extremely aggressive (and borderline mean) bangers is full of shit. If Nasty proves anything, it’s that nobody is going quite as hard as this, and even though that would be enough merit to rest on, she’s not going to stop there. The more tender and spacious tracks here are shockingly the ones that bite the hardest. For an album that builds so much tension from brash exclamations, that’s quite a flex.

72. Negro Swan- Blood Orange

For Dev Hynes, the transition from indie’s best networker to its most multifaceted social commentator has been a successful one. However, I feel like that label minimizes him, because his albums are not trying to tell you anything, instead acting as abstractly pointed containers for ideas and chunks of culture that mold together into something triumphant. His albums have always been celebrations that cut deep into the complexity of blackness, queerness, and history. Negro Swan is his most on-the-nose and also his most unapologetically happy. However, it’s not the concise statements that make the album but the gorgeous, subdued melodies that take charge before you can even touch them. It might lack the explosiveness of Freetown Sound, but there’s hardly a moment on this record that isn’t radiant or holds back on any of its charm.

71. In Another Life- Sandro Perri

It doesn’t take long until the title track on this album finds the groove that it will spend the next 24-minutes delicately unraveling. It is a dainty, sweeping groove based on a simple keyboard arpeggio that invites every other sound in the vicinity to flourish with it, like it’s hosting an open picnic. It paces around, disintegrating and advancing with time, but by the end, it’s exactly where it started. That’s the beauty of Perri’s work; to say he can milk an idea is an understatement. He can milk an idea to the point where you can’t even tell an idea’s being milked, silently highlighting the beauty that emerges with prolonged exposure.

70. Aura- Ozuna

It should come as no surprise that the most stacked summer album came courtesy of reggaeton’s most profitable powerhouse. It’s not even the extent to which these tracks go, but the sheer force with which Ozuna can continuously spin out them out, over and over again, like it’s absolutely nothing to him. For over an hour, it sounds like he’s doing no more than acting on his impulses, tapping into non-stop melodies and rhythms with confidence that it will all stick. Of course all these songs exist in the same vein, but there’s no comparing the twinkling romance of ‘Ibiza’ with the glitzy flexing on ‘Única’ or even the thumping pulse of ‘Sigueme los Pasos’, where he gloriously joins forces with reggaeton’s other king. There are 20 bangers on here, and the album only kinda drags. It can’t be this easy.

69. Famous Cryp- Blueface

It’s actually hilarious watching people get worked up about Blueface. “He can’t even rap on beat! How hard can it be to rap on beat?” Lmao, if you think rapping on beat is a prerequisite to making hip-hop, you’re as bad as the people trying to keep the impressionists out of art galleries just because they weren’t making hyper-realistic Jesus art. Yeah, I said it. Blueface is rap game Renoir. For real, it’s so much easier to rely on conventional technical ability than to tap into something that actually expands on a style of rap that should’ve been out of ideas a long time ago. Most importantly, if Blueface is such a hack, then how come he makes it sound so fucking good? How does he manage to rap like he’s racing the beat to the end of each bar, with his voice cracking every chance it gets, and still churn out songs with so much momentum? Why the fuck would he rap on beat? So he can sound like every wholesale G Perico/YG out there? Smh.

68. ASTROWORLD- Travis Scott

It would almost be irresponsible to leave the most quintessentially 2018 album of 2018 off this list. If you didn’t hear ASTROWORLD within a week of it dropping, you might as well have been watching telemarketing that whole week while 60,000 feet under the ground with no phone service. For all its lyrical gaffes, lack of personality, and unreasonably quiet NAV features, this album is pretty sick. We always knew Travis Scott was something of a curational master, with a taste for crafting rap albums that aren’t about him as much as they are apexes of the mainstream scene. However, when he came off as hollow before, ASTROWORLD has such an abundance of quality that you can’t even deny it. His ambition is easy to poke fun at until you find yourself returning to these songs again and again, marveling at each extravagant beat change or “STRAIGHT UP!” like it was your first time hearing it.

67. SR3MM- Rae Sremmurd

Just a note, I’m not referring to two solo albums that came with this (sorry Swaecation) because for all their charm, those were a bit harder to vouch for. Instead, I’m talking about the nine-track banger platter that got overshadowed by all the noise surrounding the “triple album.” Somehow, SR3MM was stealthily the well-rounded, adventurous album the boys had been promising us this whole time. Perhaps it’s because it is filler-free or because both of them (Swae Lee especially) have become absolute masters of their craft, having made so many seductive, irresistible tracks that at this point they could do it in their sleep. Or maybe it’s because there are so many imitators and it’s nice to have a burst of authenticity. There is hardly a moment on this album that isn’t an integral part of a refined rap song. They have so much more fun together. Sure, Swae is eclipsing, but I really hope they don’t break up.

66. Loma- Loma

When Cross Record established themselves as sublime folk masters on Wabi-Sabi, I didn’t think they needed the not-so-trendy and very, very normal input of Shearwater’s Jonathan Meiburg. I guess I was wrong. Turns out where they were once comfortable soaking in the hushed splendor, they are now compelled to be a bit more ambitious, to venture into louder places with more confidence. Thankfully, the newfound grandiosity does not come at the expense of any beauty; the vocal acrobatics sink into the spectral sheets of instrumentation just as smoothly as they did before.

65. Pastoral- Gazelle Twin

Gazelle Twin is a hard sell. There’s really no reason this uber-spooky electronic project where a woman in a mask chants and roars over industrial beats should be good. The look is cool and all, but this shit can be really off-putting if you’re not willing to have a little fun. Thankfully, the vibe is backed up by the production, which seems custom built to fill these songs with the bloodcurdling energy they project. If she’s not pounding her shrillness into you, she’s catching a sample at its most disorienting and looping it into further oblivion. It’s overwhelming yet so effective.

64. QUARTERTHING- Joey Purp

Now, I'm no purist who lives their life cowering under "DEATH TO MUMBLE RAP" bullshit, but if the status quo of hip-hop today can be critiqued for one thing, it's monotony. In a time where Drake can drop a 25-song album with, like, only ten songs where he actually sounds interested in what he's saying, it's refreshing to hear Joey Purp attack each verse like it's his last, with each hook falling into its groove like he was told at gunpoint to think of something catchy. If Joey Purp makes a song about something, he's going to approach the topic with purpose, almost likes he's aiming to make the definitive song about that thing. Here, he uses this essentiality to flex his versatility. QUARTERTHING is a record of confident experiments, songs that wander into unknown territory with purpose, capturing lightning in a bottle most of the time.

63. Le Kov- Gwenno

Gwenno is the type of vocalist who gets swept up by her songs rather than situating herself at the eye of storm. Her voice is a soft whisper most of the time, but the reverb on the drums accentuates each snare with a room filling quality while every dash of organ lingers and sustains. It’s baroque, it’s timeless, and, most importantly, it’s in Cornish, which I definitely thought was an extinct language. She could rest on that monopoly and still be fine, but she indulges instead. It’s an ideal combination of originality and refinement of an age-old style.

62. Drip Harder- Lil Baby & Gunna

When they’re not together, Lil Baby and Gunna aren’t that good. All of their solo albums at this point have been coated in filler, and when there’s a standout track, they usually both show up. That’s why it’s not surprising that the Young Thug proteges find their niche on Drip Harder, but it’s still shocking just how sharp, cohesive, and vital this sounds. The duo are moulding expressive, abstract melody-driven hip-hop in a way that hasn’t been as notable and of-the-time since Thugger and Rich Homie Quan did it in 2014. That pairing was more unlikely and exciting, but this one is more natural. Every moan, confession, and groove on here is impossible to resist, and the beats are some of the most intoxicating of the year. RHQ and Thugger crashed hard as a duo after they peaked, but I hope these two either stick together or use this as a launchpad for artistic growth. There’s so much room for it to grow, but for now, it’s more than enough to watch them carry each other’s weight.

61. Another Life- Amnesia Scanner

The hyper-saturated industrial dance music of Amnesia Scanner has now turned into hyper-saturated industrial pop music. As bizarre as that is to say about songs that are almost all led by grating synthetic vocals on the brink of becoming a deafening screech, there’s something conventionally attractive about the way these hooks form. Whether it comes in the form of a stuttering refrain or a massive #drop designed to elevate any scrapyard rave into the impending cyber-apocalypse, the pleasures here are simple.

60. Magus- Thou

It’s getting harder and harder for fans across the metal spectrum to agree on a canon. So much metal is being churned out at such a high rate, it’s becoming more of a task to pick out the gold from the clutter. Thou make a name for themselves with unmistakable grandiosity. Their sound isn’t the most challenging; the snarls have a soothing, ASMR-esque texture to them and the riffs are clean-cut, progressing with grace. For a band this prolific, it’s notable when they come out with something this refined. You can hear the effort in every idea, the precision in every new path they take. Magus might be the best entry point for metal’s most consistent stalwarts, a band who are much more interested in perfecting their distinct ambiance than embarking on well-meaning but slightly muddled genre-fusion.

59. abysskiss- Adrianne Lenker

As if Big Thief weren’t intimate enough. Adrianne Lenker takes her band’s prime descriptor (either “intimate” or “delicate,” depends on the day) and sees just how far she can push it before it gets uncomfortable. The staring contest that ensues on abysskiss is what you’d expect from one of the most hushed, intricate vocalists breathing into your ear with no more than a guitar backing her up. She definitely has the talent to get away with a mood piece, but no, abysskiss is home to some of the most devastating songs in her arsenal. At her best Lenker is lulling you into woozy trance, with songs that pack the visceral explosion of secrets. Such a sparse record has no right to be this intoxicating.

58. FM!- Vince Staples

You wouldn’t trust an elegant craftsman like Vince Staples to actually make an album that’s “no concepts, no elaborate schemes, just music.” He’s rap’s smuggest pundit, as well as the brains behind some of its most captivating music. So even though FM! is brief and blunt at its core, it still can’t resist being super clever. For starts, although Vince’s albums are often personal, they are seldom embedded with this much unshakable geography and West Coast inside humor. FM! is designed to sound like it’s playing on FM (get it) radio, and every time he cashes in on the gimmick with a new Tyga or Earl Sweatshirt snippet, his grin becomes more radiant. FM! thrives as a reminder that Vince can hop on any slender beat and ride it with ease, his listenability being the spectacle with the observations fattening it up.

57. Cellar Belly- Wished Bone

Those who know me might be shocked that a lo-fi twee album of any kind made it on this list, but Wished Bone are onto something. Sure, I’m a sucker for those staticy, soothing vocals and the delicate clicks and hisses that adorn them. If you’re going to celebrate the whimsical, you better make a full send. However, the beauty of Cellar Belly is not just the alluring sound but the amount Wished Bone are willing to do with it. There’s a sex jam called ‘Pollinate Me’ where they literally go “I am a flower, you are a bee.” Elsewhere, when ‘Seed’ abruptly turns into an itchy swing jam, I’m floored. Shouts out to delicate phantasmagoria; this is haunting in the cutest way.

56. mouth mouse maus- emamouse x yeongrak

This album is a colossal headache. Of course, anything that picks from the most lo-fi strains of nightcore and 8-bit is likely to make you feel a bit queasy, but mouth mouse maus is actually mesmerizing with the extent to which it sounds like a malfunctioning carousel in clown hell. Sure, this album is difficult to listen to and if you’re tuning in casually it’ll probably sound like erratic sludge. Yet there’s something heinous about just how fun it is. It’s not just fun in the random, unpredictable way but more so because it has you on the edge of your seat. This album tests you but you’re going to want to keep going, just to catch a glimpse at whatever tomfuckery comes next.

55. Elysia Crampton- Elysia Crampton

Although she likes to keep it short, nobody has epitomized the vanguard of electronic music in the past few years as confidently as Elysia Crampton. It’s like her sound is caught in this furious web where everything collides, with snippets of trap tripping over sturdy breakbeats that are embellished with a whiff of punk. It’s like an information overload themed fever dream that creates a world so dense it hurts your brain to think about. But it sounds so good with no frills. It’s a language so tempting to imitate, but even her peers can’t come close to this breathtaking chaos. This time, the grooves are as adventurous and subtle as they have ever been. It’s just as easy to be drawn in and just as hard to look away.

54. Freedom- Amen Dunes

Freedom is one of those rare sonic wonders that seems removed from any modern trends yet pushes the envelope far too much to be shrugged off as revivalism. Sure, Amen Dunes have influences and many of them come from a clearly defined school of rugged, classic Americana. However, Freedom is too musically nuanced and personal to function as any sort of nostalgia trip. It’s the album where a mastermind songwriter fully finds his voice after nearly a decade. Damon McMahon has made great albums before, but none of them have the urgency of Freedom. In that sense, it feels like it came out of nowhere, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. The loudness with which he projects, this unmistakable need to be heard is what’s new; Freedom is an album that screams self-acceptance, magnifying the affirmative catharsis that comes after years of internalized trauma. You can’t deny the power of that, but even if you do, you have more than enough splendid melodies to gawk at.

53. Chris- Christine and the Queens

I get too close to putting Chris in a box. Impulse has me wanting to write about how this a masterclass in “queer pop,” because it’s so easy to oversimplify queer artists and bunch them together under the same umbrella. Although identity is at the core of her art, Chris is not an embrace of an identity as much as it is a rejection of the need to clearly articulate your identity or to have an identity that pertains to a set of rules. Chris finds eroticism in confusion, and in that sense, it is a stellar non-statement, with each sentiment drilled into your heart via Chris’s enveloping voice and the record’s colorful, addictive production. Vulnerability is rarely this convincing.

52. Now Only- Mount Eerie

On the surface, Now Only feels like six leftovers from the most gut-wrenching musical diary entry about death ever made. That would be fine, but this is so much more. Now Only exhibits a new lens with which Phil Elverum views his devastation. He knows he will never accept it, but allowing himself to grieve helps him approach a semblance of peace. The confessional approach is just as tear-jerking as it was before, but instead of lingering in Genevieve’s ghost, we are hearing someone who has found deeper meaning in this therapy. Musically, Now Only is more vast and ambitious, but the sentiment is just as awe-inspiring. It takes a lot of genuine pain to pull off songwriting like this, and after the mass catharsis that touring A Crow Looked at Me must have been, it’s fascinating to witness the depth and growth of some of the most intense emotions one can ever feel.

51. Only Love- The Armed

Maximalism and enigma is a tricky cocktail to pull off, but if there’s a place for it, it’s definitely in the hyper-saturated world of metalcore. There’s only a few ways in which these types of outbursts can go down, but when you’re doing as much as The Armed, it ends up being pretty spicy. This album is a non-stop catharsis where everyone is putting all the effort they possibly can into whatever noise they’re making. It seems spontaneous and turbulent, but there’s no way something this constantly earth-shattering isn’t carefully orchestrated. I would call this all-over-the-place, but all the action is streamlined and compressed so that, for all its shrieking and pounding, Only Love ends up being a pretty nice listen. That’s only from a sonic perspective though, because as an emotional experience, this is gut-wrenching, borderline hard to sit through. If you give it the attention it demands, Only Love’s childlike expression defies trends and subverts expectations.

50. Rich As In Spirit- Rich Homie Quan

What do you do when you fall off? It happens to pretty much everyone eventually. I don’t judge those who decide to cash in or rely on publicity stunts to get back into the public eye or even those who just stop trying. But Rich Homie Quan made one promise to us, didn’t he? He goes in on every song. He’s still goin in. He will never stop going in. Rich Homie Quan has been eclipsed by most of his former peers, but on Rich As In Spirit, he does exactly what he needed to do; stop worrying and hone his craft. You can hear the effort and emotion on just about every song. Rich Homie knows he’s gifted and doesn’t need to prove it. He’s always had a vastly underappreciated melodic grip and a penchant for churning out the most energy-fueled, heartfelt bangers. Rich As In Spirit magnifies that. Putting in effort doesn’t mean overdoing it. It’s refreshing to hear someone sound so much less jaded than his contemporaries, quietly outshining them in the process.

49. X 100PRE- Bad Bunny

Bad Bunny’s bellowing baritone used to be a couple things, but now it’s everything. As one of the most potent voices in pop music, his debut album was liable to slap, but X 100PRE concisely shows off the versatility that his singles hinted at. To say he stays in his comfort zone would be irrelevant because his comfort zone is so wide. He came up off the Latin trap wave, but now his prowess shines strongest on his ballads; the inspired optimism of ‘Estamos Bien’ or the sensual nocturne on ‘Otra Noche en Miami’. When he links with Diplo on ‘200 MPH’, it is just as mammoth as you’d expect, not because of Diplo but because the refrain is so fucking sticky. Even the songs where he does the most are far from tacky; the seamless switch on ‘Solo de Mi’ and the hilarious entrance of El Alfa on ‘La Romana’ show his curational eye. It’s one thing to have great ideas but it’s another to execute them so tastefully. Bad Bunny is Puerto Rico’s improvement of Travis Scott; his albums have the same sights and sounds, but twice the personality.

48. A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This- American Pleasure Club

You never know what you’re going to get from a Sam Ray project. One of the great gifts to have comes with the passing of time is the bleeding of Ricky Eat Acid’s mesmerizing ambient music into Ray’s lo-fi emo outlet Teen Suicide, which has now rightfully rebranded as American Pleasure Club. The cynicism has shed off with the name; A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This is still despondent and stressed out (I mean what do you expect with that title), but it’s a lot more genuine and the thrills it holds are a lot more heartfelt. It’s hard to think of a way to channel your emotions that Ray won’t try. This album mostly consists of illustrious sad ballads made from ingredients so delicate that it seems like the foundation could collapse at any time. That’s not to imply that it is unsturdy but rather that these sounds are strong enough to break free from the glue holding them together. Elegance has become Ray’s forte, but he makes sure every goosebump is earned.

47. KTSE- Teyana Taylor

The last and least anticipated of Kanye’s Wyoming albums ended up being the easiest one to love. Teyana Taylor had been sitting on a bed of potential for years before this dropped, but her most visible moments came in the form of uncredited features, reality TV, and Kanye music videos. Kanye’s gold mine of minimalist, sample-based production feels most at ease when it’s elevating R&B, and Teyana has the ideal disposition to lead the charge. She’s confident, unashamed, and empowered. These songs articulate pleasure in a way that is proudly hyper-sexual, but even though its lyrics read like erotic literature sometimes, the result is tasteful. Taylor composes herself on this album like a star waiting to burst, her raspy yelp stealing the show every chance it gets. But this album will forever be associated with Kanye, and in fairness, that’s fine. He saved the most sultry, glimmering beats in his arsenal for this, and it pays off on an album that unravels with masterful pace.

46. Kwaidan- Meitei

I haven’t heard anything else like this and I promise I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean it. Kwaidan is an anomaly, an album that orchestrates the most befuddling atmosphere without getting lost in its abstraction. Rhythms emerge from dust and the spoken-word croak (you’ll know it when you hear it) rides them with the grip of an MC. The juxtaposition of ancient and futuristic emerged when Meitei moved to Kyoto, a city where he knew nobody, and wandered around until the mood overwhelmed him. The bite of Kwaidan is rooted in this immersion; there’s no way you can make music this precise, creative, and original without fully buying into your surroundings. Many artist have tried (and failed) to capture the oh so fetishizable “Lost Japanese” aesthetic. Kwaidan epitomizes exactly what they were chasing. It’s hard thing to do right, but holy shit, it is rewarding.

45. Nothing 2 Loose- DJ Healer

There are three types of tracks on here. First, there are the more standard ambient ones, where lonely synths tread through densely layered pops and crackles. Then there are the ones which are led by a melting vocal sample (often a vocoder) channeling something disorienting and alien. However, the big guns come out when the record takes an absurd sample, whether it be a melodramatic melody or some ridiculous rambling about how “this is God’s creation...isn’t it beautiful,” and loops it over some equally theatrical breakbeats. This shit can be so funny, and it’s hard to tell if the hyper-spiritual aesthetic is tongue-in-cheek or completely earnest. Either way, it drills itself into the record enough to justify whatever it is trying to be, regardless of whether it’s a punchline or naked sincerity. This is one of the more haunting, incisive ambient techno albums in recent memory, built on ideas that are not only clever but extremely immersive.

44. Grid of Points- Grouper

Nobody has spent this decade cultivating a more distinct, mesmerizing aesthetic than Liz Harris. Grouper has become one of the most reliable operations in modern music. You know that you’re going to get little more than reverb-soaked piano and breathy vocals, but you also know that the wave of emotions will be overwhelming. Harris records these songs in a room alone, and I don’t think it could be done any other way. It’s astonishing how she is able to consistently do so much with so little, and I know that’s a cliché but fuck it. The warmth and comfort that radiates from these songs is priceless. Grid of Points is not as haunting as past Grouper, but it’s more ethereal and, as a result, more conventionally pretty. This type of allure is a undeniable fit. It shows a new angle of a simple formula that will suck you in with every last breath and smother you with its seclusion.

43. Daytona- Pusha T

Who is the 2018 Clipse? Rae Sremmurd? (lol I like this analogy already) Let’s ride with it. Daytona is like if Swae Lee, 12 years down the line, actually found a more compelling way to sing about going to the Bahamas and dunking a girl in a pool. Obviously, in this case, the Bahamas and pools are replaced by selling coke, but you know what I’m saying. Basically, Pusha T has every right to have peaked already, but instead his coke aficionado character has only grown stronger with age. Like, I can’t believe it took him this long to come up with the line “fuck it, brick for brick, let’s have a blow off.” However, it’s not really Pusha T’s words that form this album’s backbone; as the entry point to Kanye’s prolific (and pretty great) Wyoming Sessions, the real catch is how Pusha T is able to merge with these stuttering, soulful backdrops to turn coke-rap into razor sharp poetry. Pusha’s dedication to developing one thing over the course of his career has made his imagery as potent as ever; but the brevity and minimalism here will not waste a single moment. In a year where he temporarily took down pop rap’s radio Jesus, his true legacy builder was far more modest but much more premeditated.

42. Golden Hour- Kacey Musgraves

You ever think about, like, how there’s northern lights in our skies, plants that grow and open our minds. It’s kinda crazy that in Tennessee the sun’s going down and in Beijing they’re heading out to work. This is a real thing. Kacey Musgraves writes lyrics like she is a child realizing everything for the first time and marvelling, jaw agape, at how it makes her feel. All cynicism aside, it’s refreshing to hear someone so enthralled with it. Golden Hour is a collection of earnest meditations on the most simple phenomena, shit we take for granted. And while it’s easy to poke fun at the parts of this album that sound like earnest marijuana-fueled banter, it’s a lot harder to escape when the music is so beautiful and the sentiment is so genuine. There are moments on here where Musgraves underlines things like temporality of our most cherished relationships or how euphoria is always dissolved by the shock that it’s all going to end. This is some of the purest lyricism that exists, an album that frees itself from the alienating shackles of its country aesthetic to become one of 2018’s hardest things to argue with.

41. Slide- George Clanton

If you openly exploit the “vaporwave” tag for Soundcloud plays while lightly disowning the genre, you must be quite a cunning fucker. You better make sure that the music you’re making is not only post-vaporwave but a capitalization on the aesthetic that resonates with millions but earns the scorn of the critical masses. Slide is just that. It feels grand and important, like it’s the apex of the more cyber-persuaded strain of electro-pop lurking around the memescape. George Clanton is a meme god, an artist whose ambition justifies the more eye-roll inducing, needlessly fetishistic aspects of the subculture. The motifs in this album are not just extremely well thought out but all the more effective when they emerge in the form of blustering, explosive melodies. It’s very hard for them to fall into the background not just because they are beautiful but because you can tell he’s having fun. Slide ensures that there’s a wholesome time hiding behind every cloud of reverb.

40. Momentary Glance- Lisa/Liza

During a phase of grief, any creation is worthy of praise. The lore of Momentary Glance is clear-cut; overwhelmed by tragedy, Liza Victoria persevered through a biting winter to record these six songs. The despondent trance she falls into as she strums and chants is hypnotic, not just because of the prolonged intimacy but because the compositions are presented with all their raw imperfections, embellishments that suck you in instead of taking you out. Victoria’s vocals on this album act as a well of hope in the face of despair. There’s no right way to cope and no glory in suffering, so praising this album’s open wounds seems counterproductive. But when an aspect of your livelihood is snatched from you forever and you can’t bear how much you miss someone, an album that gets it like this is a warm blanket in a freezer, a beacon of empathy in the face of debilitating turmoil.

39. KIDS SEE GHOSTS- KIDS SEE GHOSTS

I’m not sure who needed this most. Was it Kanye, eager to balance out his ugly, legacy-ruining 2018 by making people finally talk about his music again? Or was it Kid Cudi, the tortured autotune godfather whose albums over the past decade had ranged from forgettable to holy shit i don’t even wanna think about it? Either way, KIDS SEE GHOSTS was the apex of the Wyoming sessions. It’s as if all the urgency spun into one concise project, where every segment showcases two genuine masterminds trying to bring out the best in one another. Kid Cudi especially treats this like the album he was destined to make, exhibiting warbles so seductive that you forget they were ever grating. He lends this album its emotional cruciality, with skyrocketing hooks that ache so hard and a tone so spot on it’s like he was saving it all for this.

Kanye takes this as an opportunity to showcase his curational genius. For a seven song album, many of these tracks feel like interludes not because they shrug off responsibility but because they take a form so unconventional that it’s almost distracting. Even the boldest ideas on here leave a great taste in your mouth, but in the end the dearest pleasure is Kanye’s rapping. Every time he opens his mouth he does so with vitality, something we haven’t seen to this degree since Yeezus.

38. 2012-2017- Against All Logic

Nicolas Jaar is a sonic virtuoso. While he’s proven many times that he can twist and fiddle through his most complex compositions, simplicity bears the most genuine rewards. As you may have guessed from the title, this is a compilation of sorts. It suggests that Jaar has been taking a crack at more conventional house music on the side for most of this decade, and needed an outlet to release it without disrupting the much darker, denser expectations of the Nicolas Jaar brand. It’s no surprise that he pulls it off. It’s hard to think of another producer who has a more nuanced grip on how grooves work and how to find glory in texture. That being said, I did not expect something this casual and accessible to reveal itself as Jaar’s forte. Jaar really is one for the intersection of soul and house. These songs all follow a similar formula where an old-school sample gets worked into a modest yet riveting pulse. However, what he taps into suggests that some of these sounds are much more compelling with the context flipped around. For the scribblings of a mastermind, this is unreasonably presentable.

37. Stadium- Eli Keszler

The moment on Stadium that has me sold iss not one of the ingenious blends of shuffling percussion and jittering plucks that come to define its sound. It’s at the end of a song called ‘We Live in a Pathetic Temporal Urgency’ (lol), where the thuds dissipate and we are left with a natural sound recording of what sounds like pop music playing on the speakers of the mall. It’s like it is beaming from a different planet, simultaneously grounding the album and inverting it into a much stranger endeavor. Keszler has orchestrated a platter of ear candy, sound porn disguised as psycho-jazz. Sure, the odd time-signatures and abundance of texture might grab the headlines, but the real kicker here is the lull that actively rests behind the music. I wish all glitzy technical showcases doubled as ambient mood pieces.

36. The Recurrence of Infections- bod [包家巷]

There’s an ennui that not enough people make art about. Nicholas Zhu (aka bod) would call it “the quiet hours of laborious coping that fall into the areas between work and sleep,” but I’d probably call it “chill time”. The Recurrence of Infections is a lot of high-strung aesthetically driven gobbledygook, but it’s fucking awesome. I actually buy into it pretty hard. Forget the fact that it’s a masterclass in sound design and think about what “laborious coping” would sound like. You probably can’t think of much, but that’s because you can’t realize your vision as well as Zhu can. Pianos that turn into crashes that turn into distorted growling that turn into robotic warbling...these are not the type of things you remember, but can easily relax with, if you tune out the real pressure. It’s a joy to watch this album unravel. It’s the type of thing you’ll want to tell people about without being able to explain why. But that’s ok. Come hang sometime.

35. The Invisible Comes To Us- Anna & Elizabeth

Anna & Elizabeth make musical period pieces. It doesn’t take long until you realize that this isn’t just a folk throwback; these are actually old folk songs, shit that was popping off in, like, the 40s. While the whole “old songs for new audiences” thing is wholesome, the magic is in where they go with it. The Invisible Comes To Us is exhilaratingly strange to listen to. Adorned by a seemingly ancient aesthetic, you’d think a modernization could get away with slapping some synths and beats on there and calling it a day. However, Anna & Elizabeth are interested in how this music would sound if its spirit was still alive today, if people still had good reason to write lyrics like “tell me jovial sailors, tell me true/does my sweet William sail among your crew?” but had the technology to throw some electronic embellishments on there. Every song sees a comically traditional tune come to a screeching synthetic halt, and even though that combination should wear thin, the execution is passionate enough to be chilling.

34. Whack World- Tierra Whack

The strongest gimmicks are usually the most frustrating. Whack World is a harsh epitome of this; it’s a project that suffocates itself with originality, but would it really ruin the illusion if some of these songs were a couple minutes longer? It doesn’t matter, because this album and the visual spectacle that came with it was enough to fit right into our zeitgeist and run laps around anything less casually ambitious. Of course, part of the appeal was seeing Tierra Whack trimming a poodle, prancing around a cemetary with muppets, and snipping the strings of balloons while snarling in a Southern accent. However, an album’s stellar presentation doesn’t always translate into such addicting songs. Whack World is fifteen great ideas taken at face value so that they never lose momentum. These tracks seem designed to get stuck on repeat, always finding a groove and savagely leaving cravings unfulfilled.

33. Twin Fantasy- Car Seat Headrest

It’s weird to throw this on here because these songs have existed for such a long time. However, newer resources sparked an overhaul we didn’t even know we needed, and boy, did it work out. Twin Fantasy is one of those records that is so painfully personal you feel almost uncomfortable. Immersing yourself in its tales of infatuation and self-awareness to the point where you’re basically watching Will Toledo gut himself and everyone around him shouldn’t be this fun. It doesn’t gain a new audience by straying away from the lo-fi, but rather by accentuating the musical and conceptual turbulence. The best songs on here are eager shapeshifters, growing bigger and bigger until they pop, or in the some cases, they reach the ten minute mark and start gyrating. Eventually, he’ll start doing things like convincing himself that he can’t be evil, not because he’s good, but because “evil” is a phony construct. It’s a drastic leap from fondly recalling Skype calls to declaring that he is incapable of being both human and inhuman. Or is it? Car Seat Headrest has mastered the smug grin that does bad job of holding back the tears, hitting you with enough unhinged emotion to justify its performativity.

32. Sorpresa Familia- Mourn

Mourn have had a lot of burdens to shake in the wake of Sorpresa Familia, and it almost feels like they could only have made this album with something to prove. It makes sense as the product of a fight for financial justice, as it also sees Mourn viciously slithering away from the buzzwords people use to define them and the marquee names writers like me automatically liken them to. However, they don't do this by changing their sound, but by upping the ferocity in their energy, the complexity of their arrangements, and the stickiness of their melodies.

The commitment to quality makes it easy to forget the label drama that birthed this record. However, Sorpresa Familia would not exist in this form without the rage and hunger for justice that marked its creative process. "At 19 years old we're signing our divorce," they growl at one point. Anyone who has gone through it knows divorce often becomes a blissful catharsis for the victim. Sorpresa Familia doesn't merely mark this catharsis; it proves that Mourn needed to loosen the shackles to make the most fully-formed record of their career.

31. Lush- Snail Mail

It’s odd to hear someone younger than me (I’m 20) rock a style that shouldn’t have too many ideas left in the tank. That being said, it’s especially wild when they do so with such grace, sounding like a seasoned vet in their prime. Lush isn’t brimming with new sounds, but somehow it manages to be the most refreshing indie rock record in recent memory. Maybe it’s because the songwriting is simple at heart but captures something so universal and captivating. Lush dissects the ambiguities of young love, both the frustrating rush of being swept away and the strength it takes to realize that the exasperation may not be worth it. It resonates with me, and I can’t imagine these sentiments falling short on anyone, at least when they are delivered by Lindsay Jordan’s absolute powerhouse vocals. The more emotional bits come in like a sustained avalanche, knowing exactly what to emphasize and what not to overdo.

30. Devotion- Tirzah

We’ll talk about Tirzah in a second, but let’s take a minute to gawk at Mica Levi. It takes a seldom-seen skill set to create some the most weirdly accessible pop records of the early decade and then go on to get an Oscar nod for a movie about Jackie Kennedy. Yet now, having produced Devotion, she’s ready to give her tasteful, haunting minimalism the charismatic voice it has always deserved. Mica Levi was never the best frontwoman, so enter Tirzah, with a sultry, conversational voice that can mutter and howl in the same breath. This is a partnership that has been bubbling since early childhood, and you can tell just how well these two understand each other’s creative boundaries. Mica will take a sparse loop and spread it wide enough for Tirzah to spit out vulnerable bars like nobody’s watching, like she’s catching herself in a scary moment of candor and embracing it.

29. Sweetener- Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande’s music had always one-upped her public person. She had been in marquee relationships before, but none as inescapable as this. It’s weird to look back on Sweetener, which was dropped during peak Grandsonmania, as this happy, beam of light sticking out after she witnessed a bonafide tragedy unfurl at her now-infamous Manchester concert. It was the sound of an icon in full control of her narrative, choosing to show resilience and overdose on bliss. Instead of being distracted by her newfound spot at the top of the A-list, she was inspired by the spotlight. That being said, context doesn’t make Sweetener. Ariana Grande has always had a penchant for the most irresistible, immaculate pop masterstrokes, and Sweetner is home to so many of them. Her vocal capacity has become practically superhuman at this point. Whether she is howling on ‘breathin’ or unleashing a phantasmagoric coo on ‘R.E.M.’ it’s hard to imagine a delivery that would suit these songs better. She has perfected the ballad, but she has also perfected the bop, and Sweetener shows that she can effortlessly blend the two.

Of course, tragedy struck again in the death of her ex-boyfriend/best friend Mac Miller. She broke up with Pete and unpacked everything with her biggest song yet. However, Sweetener will always stand out as one of the most crucial and enjoyable bubblegum pop records of our time, one that, for all its lore, continues Ariana’s tradition of putting the music first.

28. New Bodies- Tangents

I’m never one to judge an album primarily by its capacity to make me go “whoa!”, but if I was, New Bodies would probably top this list. Simply put, this is a technical masterstroke. The type of music Tangents make is pretty hard to classify; its sprawling instrumental flexing suggests jazz but the ingredients are electronic. It’s impressive enough to pull off something so unorthodox but to do so in a way that manages to summon emotion while simultaneously dropping jaws...that’s a whole new level. New Bodies rejects the need to find a groove, fidgeting and sputtering to a point where it can either unravel or chase a massive crescendo. More often than not, it chooses both. This album flaunts its pace, but the real calling card is the texture, which is product of rattling percussion that manages to stay so varied and complex while providing a sturdy backbone. It shouldn’t be possible to scatter strings, cymbals, beats, and samples so haphazardly onto each track and come out with seven genuine odysseys.

27. Galapagos- Wednesday Campanella

Wednesday Campanella aren’t quite subverting stylistic norms. Galapagos is chock full of drops, albeit interesting ones, and the songs rely on tried-and-tested formulas to drill the melodies in. However, skipping experimentation lets Wednesday Campanella to get straight to the point: unadulterated sonic bliss. Also, please don’t get me wrong. Wednesday Campanella don’t really sound like anyone else, even in the far-reaching, dense world of J-Pop. It’s hard to find any band that is so adamant on cramming this many glistening sounds into their music yet so capable of dodging busyness or being busy in the right way. Yet, for a group that does so much, it’s wild that they manage to have each element crafted with precision, whether it be a glittery synth sound shooting out of a vibe that would have never have called for it, or the vocals, which are always so high up in the mix that each breath is magnified. Sure, it’s not the most uncanny, but Wednesday Campanella stay surprising you with their audacious choices.

26. Room 25- Noname

Room 25 is birthed out of an entirely new set of circumstances. While Telefone was a Chicago album through-and-through, Room 25's namesake comes from the geographic ambiguity of two years spent living on the road. She sums it up nicely on "With You" where she raps "shared my life on Telefone, room 25 and 306, and 809 became my home.” Being thrown into the cutthroat touring process for two whole years is a unique and inherently transformative experience, and Room 25 captures this transformation in all its push-pull nuance, without sacrificing Noname's sharp eye for her surroundings. In this sense, Room 25 is excitingly personal. In the past, Noname the character has taken a passenger seat to Noname the narrator. Now she opens things up and focuses on her journey, and there's a lot of growth to be exhibited. It's an album with purpose, a moving snapshot of a coming-of-age worthy of all this great music.

Yet, for all the personality and reflection that comes out on Room 25, Noname's eloquent observations make for some of the stickiest moments on this album. When she ponders the hypocrisy of eating Chick-Fil-A "in the shadows" on ‘Blaxploitation’, she doesn't do so with a stern finger-wag but an onomatopoeic overcoming of sensation -- "mmm, yummy, tasty" -- kickstarting a flow that unwinds with her confronting the "thinkpiece" nature of her music head-on. However, these songs aren't thinkpieces. These are acute contemplations from someone with a lot to chew on. Room 25 sees a brilliant writer finding her outlet, taking in the world around her, and spinning it into her own extraordinary web.

25. Safe in the Hands of Love- Yves Tumor

Yves Tumor never seemed interested in stepping out of his mystery bag approach to making albums, mixing 8-minute long exercises in ambient noise with simple, concise soul jams. However, nothing he ever tries is derivative. Safe in the Hands of Love has too much distorted screaming to be labelled his crossover lunge, but now he seems ready to take his sonic ingenuity and apply it to something less abstract. Maybe that’s what happens when you get picked up by Warp, or maybe that’s just what Yves Tumor was planning this whole time. Either way, it doesn’t sound like any compromises are being made. Even the more anthemic songs like ‘Noid’ or ‘Lifetime’ reek of despair and restlessness, and the orchestral overtones that give the tracks their oomph aren’t exactly inviting either. More electronic tracks like ‘All the Love We Have Now’ and ‘Economy of Freedom’ are nods to past successes, but for all their electrifying grooviness, they embrace the same menacing grandiosity. The notion that nothing is off the table is all these songs abide to. Either way, these are some of his best.

24. OIL OF EVERY PEARL’S UN-INSIDES- Sophie

Sophie never seemed that interested in feeding into the consumerism celebration/critique/caricature her PC Music contemporaries so loudly owned. For every robotic bubblegum pop hook she crafted there was an avalanche of emotion bubbling underneath. OIL takes that emotion and puts it front and center, revealing the dynamic human behind the once elusive machine. Sophie is no longer milking the hyper-synth + squeaky balloon + pots & pans combo into oblivion, but when it shows up here, it’s stronger than ever. ‘Ponyboy’ and ‘Faceshopping’ make previous career highs feel staticy, and there is now a lot more space and fluidity in Sophie’s barrage of beats. While these tracks will pounce on you, the real glory emerges in the most fully-formed moments of Sophie’s career. ‘It’s Okay to Cry’ will wind you with its earnest sensitivity, ‘Is It Cold in the Water?’ is built off a synthline that is borderline heavenly, and ‘Immaterial’ illustrates her identity with elegance that can only be described as career-defining. Music can be a lot of things, but at its very best it is an outlet to channel your truest self. OIL epitomizes this phenomenon, amping up the excitement as Sophie continues to explore.

23. The Smoke- Lolina

When you first hear the tuneless, off-kilter wobble of The Smoke, it becomes clear pretty fast that this album isn’t that interested in sounding “good.” Inga Copeland sounds detached from the music, her voice approaching a mumbling groan while the plodding keyboards and beats don’t sound especially happy to be there. It’s about nothing, it feels nothing, and it doesn’t want you to feel anything either. But, *surprise*surprise*, it’s fascinating. Unlike her close collaborator Dean Blunt, Copeland doesn’t rely on confusion to make the gag work but uses it to carve out a world for her tracks to awkwardly flourish. The first two songs are basically weed out tracks, testing even those most committed to adventure. Once you’re sucked in, the real drama goes down. The husting, solemn ‘The River’ has such a firm grasp on its momentum it practically feels like a set up. The next two songs are particularly stunning, stepping outside of the pervasive flatness to embrace something far more delicate. It’s hard to find an album that rejects aesthetics so much but transcends being just kinda interesting. In that respect, The Smoke is a rare success.

22. Veteran- JPEGMAFIA

Peggy comes close to wearing out his welcome a few times on Veteran. Instead, he just exasperates you, like a jester who bites and claws before he scampers away. It’s hard to even know where to begin with his music, but the elevator pitch is in the instrumentals. They frequently tease you with stomach-churning samples that seem borderline impossible to turn into a beat until they hit their stride and become obvious. On ‘Real Nega’, it’s a guttural sample of Ol’ Dirty Bastard croaking and on ‘Baby I’m Bleeding’ it’s a echoey computer crash of a stutter that paces around for a whole minute before turning into the banger it is.

JPEGMAFIA ensures that listening to him is like tripping down an Internet rabbit hole, issuing somewhat agreeable hot takes about how Morrissey/Tom Araya/Varg deserve to die, how Pitchfork supports abusers (until it wasn’t cool), and...well...how he wants a bitch with long hair like Myke C-Town. He toes the line between sheer abrasion and accessibility, and the songs that do this best (‘Thug Tears’, ‘Macaulay Culkin’) seem destined for crossover success, because when he’s not hollering, he can sing about as well as anyone in Brockhampton. However, the most exciting thing is the notion that Peggy is a rapper who reflects music meme culture as much as he is a product of it, erasing the wall between the lurkers on 4chan and the artists they stan. #Edgy? Definitely, but I dare you to turn it off.

21. Joonya Spirit- Jaala

The most notable quotable I have read from Jaala is that the 4/4 time signature can go “fuck a dead donkey.” You’d think such a blatant contrarian might try a bit too hard to hit you with compositional gymnastics, and while there’s definitely some of that on Joonya Spirit, there’s a lot more passion. It’s rare to see something this proggy get caught up in such visceral vulnerability, with songs that confront anguish as the snide beast it is. One song has Cosmia Pay drained, wound up after being pet “like a dog.” Another takes the bare facts of a break-up and transforms them into a swaying hook. But between these outbursts, Jaala try to find the most convoluted way from A to B, constructing a self-imposed obstacle course. The journey bears gifts, to say the very least. While this can be a hard album to track, it’s elevated by an understanding of how to make the most out of its detours, with the complexity becoming a tool rather than a distraction.

20. Cocoon Crush- Objekt

Electronic music is progressing so that the machine engages in a tug-of-war with the human. Some artists even use their platform to pitch a manifesto where there’s no reason humans should make better music than artificial intelligence. It’s a valid point, but it undervalues a virtuosic understanding of sound as a sensory experience, as if an algorithm can spew out music that is meticulously crafted to make you feel. Texture isn’t all it takes, but when Objekt’s music spreads itself out like the satisfying percussive ASMR it is, I nut. It’s not like his music is milking its benevolence, but it brims with life. The callbacks, the vividness, the rattling fiber...it’s designed to evoke. As an album that fully appreciates the artistic potential of technology, Cocoon Crush rejects techno’s anatomy and builds its own habitat.

19. The Wolf of Grape Street/God Level- 03 Greedo

It’s much easier to think of 03 Greedo’s output as this flurry of spontaneity, surfacing in eagerly explored ideas and a landslide of hard work and charm. Nobody has earned his spot on this list more than 03, an eager poet who packs all the turmoil he’s ever experienced into each nasally, autotuned whine. He’s also shockingly talented. Amidst the nearly 50 songs on these two projects, which are admittedly super bloated, there are really only a few duds, all of which suffer on the basis of being undercooked, not misguided. What makes up for it even more is the notion that the excess is probably the point. Greedo makes bangers that range from the devastated (‘Prayer From My Lost’) to the needy (‘Bacc to Jail’) to the combative (‘Basehead’) to the absolutely savage (‘Run For Your Life’).

It’s all infectious enough to shock you with its productivity, and that’s probably for good reason. Shortly before God Level was released, Greedo was sentenced to a maximum of 20 years in jail. It was technically on gun and drug charges, but it felt like he fell victim of a system that always put him last. Seeing him pour his heart out so urgently can only tug at the heartstrings.

18. Double Negative- Low

Not gonna lie, I would have never put my money on Low to craft an album that sounds so ahead of its time. Maybe I was ignorant...when you spend your whole career being the face of your own niche, especially one as fragile and poignant as slowcore, you can only waltz towards perfection. Double Negative may be just that. It’s ambitious, creating most of its backbones from waves of static. But how the fuck do you sound so relevant after years of sounding so worn down? Where did this need to deeply innovate and challenge come from? Whatever they did, Double Negative discovers a whole new language within its glitches.

Low have completely overhauled their sound, but only emphasized their essence. The vocals cast themselves like heavenly beams of light onto these suffocating drones, the type of clash that is built to overwhelm. Double Negative takes strokes of such vehement abrasion and tweaks them until they sound exquisite. It’s hard to find an album so unique yet so logical, obscurely branching off from an exhausted genre towards a practically euphoric display of textural understanding.

17. Compro- Skee Mask

It’s not easy to penetrate the traditional IDM canon these days, especially now that Aphex Twin is still active, but fuck me if Compro doesn’t try. This doesn’t position itself as one for the purists; instead it’s a confident progression of an age-old form, an album that knows what ingredients make this experimental techno shit work, but has no interest in indulging. A Skee Mask song will set itself up with a gravity-shaking rhythm that bulges with enough texture so that when a groove comes to nest, it is punctured and complex, even if its beauty comes in conventional forms. The twinkle of the melody on ‘Rev8617’ or the icy, distant synth on ‘Soundboy Ext.’ are cast over ripples and breakbeats. It doesn’t feel like he’s creating a juxtaposition as much as he is balancing these sounds out, as if their splendor is highlighted with containment.

16. Cold Devil- Drakeo the Ruler

It shouldn’t surprise you that someone who has been taken to task by law enforcement based on the perceived authenticity of his lyrics prides himself on his intensity. It’s hard to keep up a shtick for this long, rambling about apparently miscellaneous characters like Mr. Mosley and Pippi Longstocking, while never forgetting to underline how you have your dick out like a “pedophile” or how you’ve been strangling snakes and you bathe with the apes. All the while, you end pretty much each track with a minute-long tirade where you take in your surroundings. It’s a lot, but for an album of seemingly low-stakes shit-talking, Cold Devil packs a ton of depth.

Crafted during an 11-month jail stint, Cold Devil projects the charisma, isolation, and precision that can only arise from such introspective circumstances. Yet, while tapped into ultra-realism, the most captivating part of sees Drakeo’s imagination running wild. It’s like he used the time to construct his own emotional lexicon, and while it’s the type of bogged-up conceptualism that you can’t really articulate, he’ll be fucked if he doesn’t try. What comes out is a whirlwind of ideas, each flourishing, albeit concisely, through a swamp of imagery and excellent rapping. Anyone who views this as a confession must be kidding themselves; it’s a vivacious expression that even the most observant couldn’t untangle.

15. You Won’t Get What You Want- Daughters

Anger, despair, dejection...these are all emotions that might sound contrived, especially in a context where they’re almost taken as given (*cough*cough*noise rock*cough). Fortunately, nothing feels fake about Daughters. Spreading their wings after eight years of silence, You Won’t Get What You Want sounds like the pinnacle of a decade of anguish rolled up into a ball and fattened up to sound as big as possible. You’ll notice a few things right off the bat: the drums sounds massive, the vocals are almost always approaching a scream, and every instrument seems to have the color tuned out of it. Daughters play like they are making themselves dizzy, launching into climaxes with brute force. Yet for all its density, it’s a wonder how music this outwardly menacing can transcend the bluntness of its elements to become somewhat inviting. That being said, there is nothing wholesome about the darkness that dominates this record, but Daughters make sure to tweak their pain into the most suffocating beast they can so that it’s almost conventionally beautiful. It’s hard to find a record that executes its niche so perfectly, an ambience that can only be approached after years of marinating in your ache.

14. Some Rap Songs- Earl Sweatshirt

It makes perfect sense to make music that sounds like what your friends’ make, but when the long-awaited Earl Sweatshirt album came out sounding like a logical follow-up to MIKE’s recently released Renaissance Man more than the sequel to I Don’t Like Shit I Don’t Go Outside, it was a little confusing. However much Earl may drown in his modesty and aggressively try to understate the potency of his music, his brand of cooped-up gloom comes with a midas touch. It’s hard to say whether Earl was hard at work for these past three years, or whether he spun out these 15 vignettes in a stroke of manic genius, but it doesn’t really matter either way. They’re here and it’s captivating as fuck.

Earl the operation is an outlet for Thebe the person, who is still easing himself into stability after an adolescence where he became something of a martyr to millions of kids (#FREE EARL). Of course, this is punctuated by the death of his estranged poet father, a disconnect that Earl has always struggled to grapple with. However, Some Rap Songs is wary of romanticising anything for the sake of a narrative. Instead, it jumps from dusty beat to dusty beat, a flurry of understatements that rarely stay around for longer than two minutes. Earl has always been eager to find his niche after a couple of regrettable teenage choices that risked contaminating his artistry. Even if the inspiration he takes is obvious, his energy can’t be channelled by anyone else.

13. The Whole Thing Is Just There- Young Jesus

For a band who could easily be described as a “philosophy bro jam band,” Young Jesus make it pretty easy for you to like them. This is a controlled exercise in pensive, intellectual emo, an album hellbent on making sure each groove throbs like it’s had its young recently ripped from its arms. The riffs don’t emerge as hooks but rather weave themselves through tunnels, fueling each crescendo. At the apex of it all is a shuddering plea for attention. Young Jesus channel the same catharsis as the emo revivalist except they don’t take the easy way out; their forte is their creativity and their pulse is their sensitivity.

All six songs here manage to fit in both moments of anthemic infection and utter disarray (the glorious kind). The segments that accentuate this album are defined by their space and tenderness, taking poignant philosophical observations and highlighting their consequence with emotional outbursts. It takes a style bent on nostalgia and pushes into an entirely new place, a feat that very few artists can pull off, especially with such volume and precision.

12. Have fun- Smerz

Smerz are like if an artist with talent, charisma, and pop smarts was approaching a fork in the road where they could pursue Top 40 glory or use their resources to lead the vanguard and make challenging, deconstructive electronic music. Guess which one they choose? The melodies that soar over the gritty, distorted beats could have been lifted from the bridge of a #1 R&B hit. Instead, they are spread over a tattered landscape, like a safari where you’re not gawking at animals but taking in an exhibit of quirky synth sounds and samples of speech that sound like they are lifted from a 3 AM drunk voicemail.

Have fun bounces between ethereal dizziness and stark percussive minimalism, but when the two combine, it’s a goosebump-inducing juxtaposition. Floating above the instrumentals-- which honestly could have been released on their own and still have made the lower-end of this list-- is either a deadpan cheerleader chant or a fluttering vocal harmony. Whatever Smerz do, they can’t stop creating music that the words “haunting” and “hypnotic” must’ve been invented to describe. They construct such an exclusive bubble where experimental techno and pop intersect, a fusion that needed to happen, that other artists have tried to do and came-out contrived. It pulsates with mystery, which is funny because most of these songs are about getting fucked up or, as Smerz would put it themselves, “basic bitch problems.” Their ominous gaze turns this charm into a manifesto. And why shouldn’t it? Music this serious yet unpretentious is a rare delight.

11. Honey- Robyn

Everything Robyn does, she does with conviction. She’ll look back on the empty spaces her lover has left behind without fearing her resentment. She’ll invite you to a beach party with casual assurance (“come thru, it’ll be cool”), but boldly winks to suggest that it might be the most transcendental night ever. She’ll demand forgiveness without begging for it, embracing submissiveness while knowing the absurdity of her demands. Is forgiveness even real? Is nostalgia hollow? Is it OK to be heartbroken? These are the types of issues Robyn deals with on Honey, an album that packs eight years of growth into 40 minutes, as if Robyn has been contemplating the scope of her influence and brainstorming the next best step.

Of course, Honey isn’t that calculated. It’s a record of audacious sensitivity, dissecting the simplest phenomena and matching them up with the perfect backdrops. The sex song (‘Between The Lines’) skips with a seductive sway, like a lab-constructed aphrodisiac. The club song (‘Beach 2k10’) is an anomaly, but walks with the confidence of a nightlife staple. However, the best tracks are the most fully-formed, tracks like ‘Honey’ and ‘Human Being’ feel like quintessential Robyn on steroids. It’s astonishing how good she is at this, and even when the record treads new water with suave, captivating disco cuts, Robyn owns whatever space she’s in.

10. Vibras- J Balvin

J Balvin is not the most emotive, distinctive, eccentric reggaeton artist, nor does he have the best voice or the most dominating presence. But he might be the most ambitious, and the most adept at making effortless smash hits, a thing he does on Vibras pretty much every time he tries. In a world where the top tier of Urbano Latino can get billions of views on YouTube and compete internationally with the biggest American superstars, J Balvin is the artist most excited to lead the movement, the most well-versed in its potential.

As the title suggests, Vibras is a record of concrete vibes. J Balvin is aware that a lot of his listeners will not go through the trouble of translating his lyrics, so he makes sure that even people who didn’t take Spanish in high school will grasp what he’s trying to do. All you need to know about ‘Mi Gente’ is found in the now-iconic stuttering vocal sample that starts the song, and the crux of ‘Cuando Tú Quieras’ is a similar sample being flipped into something sultry and seductive, functioning at just as high a level. Vibras seems masterfully curated, even if lots of the songs are anomalies. However, these anomalies don’t just stand out but elevate the power of the straighter, simpler reggaeton songs. ‘En Mí’ is a lovelorn ballad, ‘Brillo’ finds an unlikely pairing with ROSALÍA, who is at the peak of her melodic prowess, and ‘Machika’ ends the album with an almost overly lit EDM crossover. Everything works and it’s wonderful.

9. Bark Your Head Off, Dog- Hop Along

When Frances Quinlan unleashes her raspy, crackling yelp, you know important shit is about to go down. Hop Along have always specialized in a very particular type of drama. They have a penchant for telling stories with a candor that makes it feel like you’re eavesdropping, like you’ve stumbled upon a goldmine of gossip that you shouldn’t be hearing but are far too morbidly curious to plug your ears. The juiciness can come in the form of bureaucratic academia scandals, sexual overtones in the Bible, or the ever-so-relatable struggle of watching Watership Down expecting a kid’s movie, but observing a bloody festival of rabbit slaughter instead. The twists and turns are spot-on and frequently hilarious. If Bark Your Head Off, Dog’s ideas were expanded into prose, it would be a top-tier collection of short stories.

Amidst all the motifs surface nine expertly crafted rock songs that worm around with the utmost purpose, with each chorus/bridge/coda packing enough zest to fuel the whole track. Quinlan’s grip on these melodies is first-rate, as if she’s being swept up by something bigger yet going to painstaking lengths to ensure every tonal phase is spot-on. Bark Your Head Off, Dog is consistent to the point of near-perfection. It doesn’t take long for it to sink in that every song is a highlight, a beacon of emotion that capitalizes on every glimmer of melodic brilliance. Yet somehow, it’s impossible to predict where these songs will go. Often, strings or screams will emerge from out of nowhere, other times are doused in pure, saccharine pop music. Hop Along have mastered spontaneity to the point where nothing feels tacked on. There are so many dimensions to their sounds/stories that you’ll unpack something new with each listen.

8. Nothing Is Still- Leon Vynehall

Leon Vynehall is a practical musician. His last album was, literally, “designed to dance”; a myriad of songs at a streamlined, club-ready BPM that progressed with the pace of a night out. His fascination with multi-dimensionality in house music is abundantly clear. He’s always going to find a new way to be inventive, always ready with a brand new purpose.

Nothing Is Still tests house music’s limits with biography, each song representing a “chapter” or “footnote” in the life of Vynehall’s grandparents, particularly their emigration from England to New York City in the 1960s. Of course, this music is instrumental, so the introspection is all atmospheric, a hard thing to pull off. Thankfully, Vynehall comes up with some sky-scraping, impassioned music, channelling something very vivid. The ambient pieces on this album are textured and passionate. They must be immediate illustrations of the flood of emotion Vynehall experienced in the wake of his grandfather’s death, when he was fully gripped by the narrative, and decided to go down the rabbit hole. It’s oddly tangible, and even without the backstory, the distant grooves on this album could overwhelm you. It’s a bold feat to try and soundtrack something you didn’t directly experience, but the emotional depth packed in this electronic period piece can only be the result of extensive research and nights of curious catharsis. Taking your craft seriously is one thing; creating a record that brims with such sensitivity and personal importance without saying a single word is something else.

7. Harutosyura- Harunemuri

Whatever is being fused on Harutosyura, whether it be pop-punk and rap or hardcore and electronica, yields intense results. It’s not your standard foray into J-pop; Harunemuri are sure to make compact bubbles that writhe and spin before they burst, leaving behind a barrage of glitzy choruses and whines that sound like they’re at the end of an exhausting a potentially lethal chase. It’s chaos, but it’s also rich and entirely unique. Some songs will wear out a stunning riff before collapsing in a fit of aggression; others prefer to reach a screeching halt out of nowhere, only to come back stronger than ever to provide a new angle on their beauty. They will confuse you with the effortless strides they hit, especially because they sound like they are trying to cram every emotion they’ve ever experienced into one note. It’s too dramatic not to be entertaining and too action-packed not to constantly revisit. Even the most animated could only dream of channelling the flux of Harutosyura.

6. A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships- The 1975

It’s been steady growth for The 1975. In their early days, they were a subtly good indie-rock boy band who mostly sang songs designed to get teenage girls a bit too excited. I probably hated them without having heard any of their stuff. Then, they became this overly ambitious 80s glam-rock monster, packing many standard pop bops on their sophomore album, but filling the space between them with tracks that sounded like shoegaze/post-rock/gospel parody (to be clear, I thought it was brilliant). Now, they are one of the most outspoken, monumental bands of our generation, still silly, but absolutely drowning in good ideas. Without hyperbole, I think they are the most exciting thing to happen to the band format in a long time.

Their main thing is that they do the most. Even when the pleasures are simple, Matt Healy is yelling a bit too close to your ear, throwing out commentary that masquerades as ill-fitting until you realize it’s actually super clever and eloquent. The main draw, however, is how every time they turn the page, they land on a song that immediately traps you. Additionally, all these ideas are fresh and essential. The centerpoint is ‘Love It If We Made It’, a tabloid-esque collage of cultural commentary that woos you with its timeliness as Healy throws his entire voice towards a scream of “modernity has failed us!” The rest of the singles range from the best 80s-movie pool party throwback of the year, a rainbow of soothing horns and romantic ennui, a finger-wagging burst of 29-year old wisdom, and a smugly confused radio song. Deeper in the album lie cautionary tales on Internet death told by a robot, Bon Iver-ian swaths of autotuned warbling transformed into high-tier experimental techno, a nocturnal barroom jazz track...I could go on like this for paragraphs lol. The point is, everything they try works and everything that works sticks with you. For an album where a bunch of millenials spend an hour obsessing over the “digital age,” A Brief Inquiry has too much charm.

5. Knock Knock- DJ Koze

If I have to hear someone call DJ Koze some variation of “house music’s biggest prankster” again, I swear to god (haha). I know he can be pretty goofy, and there are many moments on Knock Knock that project this goofiness. Some of the vocal samples (“I need a little light here!”, “I know the future better than you know the past”) are kitsch for sure, but there is no understating this man’s profound talent. He will find a sample, find another sample, and mix the two into something hypnotic. I don’t know if he stumbles upon these grooves or if they are vastly premeditated through some process where he hears an old record, his ears perk up and, poof, a full-fledged house banger surfaces in his mind. He’s always been willing to push the envelope, but on Knock Knock he fully embraces his versatility and distinctiveness. Even the most random sounds he throws into the blender make absolute sense in the sugary, hyper-charged context they’re presented.

Not all of this will sink in quickly, but there are some clear hard-hitters. ‘Pick Up’ floods into the mix like a warm embrace from a long-lost friend, creating a vibe that could and should continue forever. Yet all it does is chop up two 70s soul songs and loop them into oblivion, carrying such a heavy emotional load while staying relatively stagnant. The fat, throbbing bassline on ‘Bonfire’ makes Justin Vernon sound dreamier than he ever has before. ‘Illumination’ is a steady build to an ultimately glorious release, a masterclass in the sly emergence of its drop. It’s all so glistening and nostalgic. There’s sniffs of rap, folk, R&B, techno but none of the paths diverge from the cohesive sonic wonderland. Some prank lol.

4. Aviary- Julia Holter

When do you decide to make your magnum opus? How do you figure out that, after your most accessible album and a whole decade of building your own distinctive take on baroque, your next project would be 90 minutes of the densest, most sonically ambitious music you’ve ever released? Aviary is the type of album you wouldn’t want to put out until you are totally ready. Thankfully, Holter has every reason to be confident in her abilities. She knows when to sustain a wall of noise and when to interject with a mutter or an instrumental collapse. She knows how to pile reverb-drenched choirs onto light orchestration and how to let her voice soar while maintaining the necessary space. To pull off a sprawling, abstract project like this, you need to be some kind of genius. I don’t use that word lightly.

Aviary is meditative. Crammed with songs that linger for as long as they do without hitting a conventional stride, the dynamism is contagious. You genuinely have no idea where each song will go and there is such an abundance of feeling that it’s practically impossible to take it all in. It’s a world that you can untangle, plowing deeper and deeper into it and getting lost in the spectacle. At one moment it’s stressful, and in the next, it’s meditative. The declarations are profound. It’s a rejection of cynicism, and a full-fledged embrace of the simplest, most overpowering emotions, taking pride in the capacity to be swept away. Have you ever fallen in love? Sometimes love can be bitter and toxic, but other times, it is something worthy of a welcome parade, something that will make you loudly weep while you’re clutching onto it. That’s the scope of Aviary, a record that has no qualms about melting into gibberish, as long as it is fully evocative.

3. Be the Cowboy- Mitski

Mitski writes songs with such a penetrating, inhospitable gaze that she practically begs you to feel uncomfortable, even if she radiates warmth and empathy. She’ll come thru with a track about how much she loves her non-existent husband, how for all of eternity it will just be the two of them together, how they are doing better...it goes on until you’re pressed to think it’s a joke, but if it is, then why are you on the verge of tears? Then you sit, ponder, and start considering what it means to “be the cowboy.” Is cowboy swagger one that swoops in on a literal horse, becomes an all-or-nothing imposition of hyper-dominance, and carries itself like it’s the only thing that matters? Or is the one that takes you to a diner after years of silence, Blue Diner to be precise, and suffocates you with a lull while quietly reminding you that it will always keep a part of you? Vulnerability is Mitski’s forte. Whether it’s cloaked in sarcasm, painfully earnest, or deeply internalized, hers is a narrative so potent that you can’t help but unload all your emotional burdens alongside it.

Be the Cowboy is the moment when you’ve revealed so much about yourself to someone that for a second, it’s actually terrifying how quickly and easily they could undermine your whole existence. It’s naked but unconcerned, taking pride in its ability to crumble. Somehow, there’s nothing forced about the painstaking introspection; Mitski is fully committed to baring her soul without simplifying it or suffocating in self-righteousness. It’s equal parts defensive and dejected. You can only be reminded about the impossibility of idealization so much before you start to get confused. But when it’s as outrageous and tortured as this, it stops being a statement and becomes a full-fledged celebration. It painful to to watch, but it hurts even more to turn away.

2. El Mal Querer- Rosalía

Sometimes an album comes along feeling like such a pinnacle of a movement while deifying any categorization. It’s like Rosalía as a concept has been around forever, taking in influence from so many times and places and feelings...but nothing has ever really sounded like this. “Flamenco-pop” is a feeble label for something that so frequently whirls into a trance, belting out unhinged cries of fervor and then, on the next song, lifting a melody from Justin Timberlake. It’s like everything is being re-contextualized on here, and the result is a record that exists in its own time and space, refusing to branch out in favor of planting its own garden.

Rosalía lives for melodrama, which could be cloying if she didn’t justify it so well. It’s like her voice is always on the cusp of breaking out into a 30-second howl, which holds even when she coos a top nothing but a faint drum or a car engine noise. It takes a deep appreciation of your culture and history to be able to sound so universal without simply pining for an older vibe. Rosalía is constantly finding a way to go beyond that, subtly slipping autotune into a crevice that traditionalists would leave uncontaminated, developing sticky hooks without basing the whole song around them. When your core is a developed movement like flamenco but your crowd is the Spanish mainstream, you need more than a pinch of experimentation. El Mal Querer goes beyond that, not leaving any strand of its influences unexplored. Rosalía examines the age-old beauty of the form from every angle she can, shaking it up and seeing how it explodes.

1. Die Lit- Playboi Carti

What does it take to be the album of the year? Well...clearly not lyrical substance, or curt editing, or biting social commentary. The prerequisites for quality are getting harder and harder to pin down. All I know is that Die Lit feels like the album that all the over-saturated glut was building up to/the culmination of the ideas set forth by boundary pushers like Future or Young Thug/the logical conclusion to the intersection between lean-soaked hedonism and fine art. Don’t quote me, but we might not do any better than this. At the end of the bloated tunnel, there’s Playboi Carti squawking into oblivion, deconstructing the style that birthed him over beats that could’ve been produced by, like, Oneohtrix Point Never or Ricky Eat Acid or something.

Playboi Carti is a trailblazer. The most common critique of him is that “all he does is ad-libs, he honestly can’t even rap, and what’s good with all that autotune?” Back to my point about this being the logical conclusion of trap; removing the filler between the ad-libs is a fucking genius idea, an assured embrace of what you do best. I mean, imagine if Migos just went “uhh!” and “mama!” and didn’t have Quavo’s uninspired autotune weighing them down...it happens sometimes, and it’s beautiful. Carti’s ad-libs can be as simple as “what?” or “bih!”, and they are usually presented like a highly calculated flick of emotion, like the mechanics for a precise accentuism. Plenty of guests show up on Die Lit, and none of them have any trouble carving a space in Carti’s world. This makes sense when it’s Thugger or Travis Scott, but it is especially potent when it’s Nicki Minaj and Bryson Tiller, people who rarely delve into this type of experimentation on their own. Carti is so infectious that everyone is eager to step in his space and explore how they can dismantle their own form.

All of it is a daring experiment, especially in the moments where Carti tests the limits of his style, seeing how long he can hold the silence before getting swept into a verse, measuring how layered his voice can get before it crumbles and melts. Give Carti credit where credit is due, but Die Lit would be nothing without its producers, especially Pierre Bourne, who constructs a hazy, awe-inspiring fever dream whenever he hops behind the boards. Not only does this steer hip-hop into the direction it needed to go; it takes notes from the masters of ambient techno, blending snippets of overwhelming synths or vocals into beats that any lesser rapper would have no idea how to ride. When you’re on the forefront of the most widely consumed genre, it’s a lot of responsibility. Die Lit is one of the most forward-thinking statements in the hip-hop yet. At this point, Carti and his team are incapable of producing a song that doesn’t test boundaries or warp seasoned assumptions about what works.

2 notes · View notes

ariyadaivaris · 7 years ago

Text

hey ive been trying to figure out how to do this for awhile and since some anons have asked im gonna try 2 articulate my feelings about f*nn and this is not going to be very polite and im sorry, its nothing personal and if you have a perspective on him that i dont its fine and i absolutely get you and im glad you can enjoy that! i just wanted to try and work through how the fuck i feel about him and this is ultimately a pretty personal post and not a Manifesto on How F*nn Is Bad (i dont think he is, particularly, ftr), so like, if youre not interested which I CANNOT FAULT YOU FOR AT ALL, just know that its cool to go on! this isn’t trying to start shit or anything, i genuinely dont want to, im just writing this for Me, basically. its alright.

thanks thats the intro done okay take care i love u

what...does f*nn have even. he’s good in the ring but he’s surrounded by people who are better. he doesn’t have a character. what motivates him? what the fuck is he even fighting for? what is his personality, even? he absorbs the storylines of everyone around him in any feud he does too often for him to be as underdeveloped as he is and yet we are here and WHY???

i mean. apollo. let’s look at apollo! apollo is similarly kinda underdeveloped character-wise and most of who he is comes from who he is irl, and people don’t really play characters up irl! but like. it’s not glaring in the same way f*nn is, because

1) apollo got called up SUPER SUPER EARLY in nxt where f*nn had YEARS to develop a character and still holds a spot as longest reigning nxt champion, and

2) apollo plays a support role! he’s not a main event player (which is fucking criminal in and of itself but thats another issue) and him being underdeveloped+not as fleshed out lends itself pretty well to him supporting people however they need support at the moment. it’s not Ideal but it works well for who he is in the context of story stuff, which is not the case for f*nn

(also 3 secretly but apollo’s moveset is actually really varied and interesting which f*nn’s is...not but that’s a subjective thing obviously lol)

like. f*nn is just. such a nothing of a wrestler. i’m sorry but genuinely i don’t know or understand what there is there. he doesn’t have a character besides...vagueing people on twitter until he gets what he wants and yes okay i know that’s not an entirely true unbiased thing to say and im sorry but also i dont think im exactly Wrong

(also about vaguing people on twitter i know that has something to do with how bad his 2017 booking was, i WON’T deny that, and multiple people are booked badly in dubya at once and they all deserve more than that, but also f*nn’s the only person who really got any rage on his behalf as far as i’ve seen and it’s definitely affected my feelings about that)

the only thing he’s got going for him is a storied history in new japan, which itself feels lacking in the ring, and which honestly...gets...a lot more credit than deserved (and mostly SOLO credit at that)? he DID create the bullet club but his bullet club was essentially an entire stable of Foreigner Heels. cheap heat. any story he told (and i only know that there was apollo 55, im unaware of any other feuds, so bear that in mind) feels so...like...secondary to that of anyone he worked with. he could be a support role and get away with being the white bread he is but GOD FORBID that should happen, and so he just engulfs the story of anyone around him and does nothing and it’s just

it’s disappointing and its boring and exhausting to see him get shot after shot after shot doing the same thing over and over again because He Can. i have nothing much against him, i think he’s petty and petulant and very...self-absorbed, like, not in an entirely bad way but in the sense that he buys a lot of his own hype? and its...off-putting. i don’t know him personally though obviously, that’s just how i feel about him based on what ive seen, but like, as a person, its whatever. i just can’t stand him as a wrestler or a character. he’s generic and unmotivated and so. NOTHING and it’s exhausting to watch and try to make something meaningful and enjoyable out of. especially juxtaposed with the miz rn, and even with s*th, who i hate but who at least HAS a personality even if it’s a genuinely awful one

not even going into the fan reception of f*nn vs anyone else who’s more deserving and interesting than he is, lmao, i’m bitter as anything about how f*nn is treated compared to the cruiserweights because NATURALLY and OBVIOUSLY i’m biased, you all know this, i don’t deny it, i cant say this comparison is all the way fair when im so so so FUCKING cwuisewweights, but like, the reaction to f*nn getting Beachballed vs any of the 205 dudes getting Beachballed was so heartbreaking in how much More he gets just for the name he’s got

i don’t know. i don’t know. i just think he’s such a nothing of a character, surrounded by people (taguchi, joe, kevin, hideo, FUCK IT, even s*th or like, fucking, KENNY, or the young bucks, or ANYONE) who really care about the character and story they have against him, and instead of being relegated to a supporting role where he’d be like, Worth anything, he’s thrust into whatever title picture or main event there is because He’s F*nn B*lor and it’s so...so much less talked about or acknowledged and for the life of me i don’t understand why. i don’t know what it is im missing

again, i don’t have much against him as a person, i personally don’t like how he acts but he doesn’t seem Proublematique in any way beyond...the foreigner heel stuff which is inherently built in anti-japan sentiment EVEN THOUGH that is strictly kayfabe afaik (though he does fucken. support the special olympics and did some Cool Trendy Straitjacket Entrances as prince nevitt and that is a very VERY personal thing i have against him) i guess that’s what matters. i just. ugh. im over it

i appreciate him being vocally supportive of queer fans but i don’t owe him for that and i still think it sucks that he, a (as far as i know) straight white dude, is getting the platform to do that instead of people who are actually queer and out in the same company. sonya isn’t getting this chance, and more blatantly, darren never got that chance. despite having the block the hate movement, and despite the fact that his coming out is what got him a face turn while it was ENTIRELY and COMPLETELY unacknowledged in the canon universe of wwe proper. like, i guess that’s not f*nn’s fault but there’s a common trend of men of color being pushed down to boost him up and it’s not the best. i don’t think that’s all his fault but i don’t like it

again this isn’t like, denouncing Liking F*nn, its fine! this isnt decrying everything about him, i don’t wanna fight about this, and if you like finn, sincerely i’m glad you can find something there to like and i hope you’re having a good time with him! and to boot i really DON’T know much about anything he did before dubya, and so i could very well be wrong about everything. like, calling the gullet blub just a Cheap Heat Stable? that interpretation could be and probably is wrong. i know that, and i know that’s probably gonna affect how i feel abt him, but also god i do not care even a bit enough to learn and i would rather die than look at pr*nce nevitt/gullet blub anything

i dont know. i hope this didnt come off as.......TOO shitty, i know this is a stupid and mostly impenetrable post, its alright, this is just me trying to work through this for myself and i promise its not like...a huge thing. thats all! thats all. im sorry if i worded this weird at all and i know my perspective isnt the best or most informed on this, but also i am very very tired of f*nn and i don’t think that’s an unfair thing to say

#long post -#rude - probably #im trying to work this out in words this isnt an overarching Anything i promise it is ultimately just a personal thing #i dont really wanna talk about it anymore im sorry this post is literally incomprehensible but here it is i guess #i really do not want to start anything or fight about this i worded it badly and i know that and im sorry #i just. dont like him! i just dont. im allowed to do that right #im sorry im gonna lie down for a bit or something. tonights been a dumpster fire over here #and im really sorry i need to work harder on this im so sorry for complaining so much #i know its obnoxious and it doesnt matter and i shouldnt be putting it up here or anywhere! ill try to improve at that

9 notes · View notes

dio-roga · 7 years ago

Photo

‘AskMarshandBroflovski’

Author/Artist: jovishark Additional Credit: puppetamateur Status: Complete Links: Tumblr Rec No: #2 (Part One)

The Gist of It (aka. TLDR)

‘Stan and Kyle go through a whole lot of shit during their last couple years of high school; with side-characters and sub-plots galore. Honestly dudes, it’s hard to summarize this one since it’s just so jam packed with all kinds of everything. This askblog, maybe more than anything else I’ve read, really does encapsulate that whole ‘something for everyone’ feeling. Just trust me my dudes, ships galore, on-point writing, and gorgeous art. Go go.”

Also putting this before the page break: I know, it’s technically not a Cryde work, but I guarantee, there’s more content between those two in there than in most exclusively cryde-centric things. For a bit of trivia, it was this blog that got me into Cryde as a ship to begin with. So c’mon below, and I’ll try and reassure you…

Also also: Fair warning, this rec’ll be long af. I’m a little obsessed. So, get yourself a drink or something?

Storytelling

So like I said in the gist, the premise is fairly simple from the outset; Stan and Kyle start up an askblog, and your usual mix of hilarity, drama and ‘will-they, wont-they’ romance ensues. Now I had read askblogs before this one, and generally found them a lot of fun, but holy shit− from the get-go dudes, from the absolute start, this one had its hooks in me like nothing else has ever quite managed before or since. I’d originally just come across it after seeing some of the Craig/Clyde panels on some google search one weekend; then before I knew it, it was Monday morning and I’d read the whole blog front to back, and was experiencing like, genuine feelings for the first time in a long while.

A lot of what snagged me was the writing, which I walked in totally not expecting to take my soul hostage the way it did. The dialogue I’ll talk about with the characters, but as far as the actual story elements were presented? It reads like a god damn mini-series, with actual self-contained story arcs, side-scenarios that mesh in with the A-plot and oh my sweet jesus, the world building in this thing… Seriously dudes, I normally try and stay more grounded in tropes and clever literary devices and what have you, but with this blog I have a lot of trouble not getting like, emotionally invested.

I think that really is what makes this one so special; the atmosphere. There’s this underlying theme of determination and overcoming adversity (mirroring the writing of the blog itself, if you read the authors notes throughout− something I’d defiantly recommend) It’s the sort of writing that genuinely inspires people, deals with difficult subject matter and just generally gives off a positive vibe about soldering on and making good on big life changes, and that includes everyone, of every age and background.

And therein lies another giant strength, the variety. I would think it a very difficult task for someone to not find something they enjoy in this story; it’s a god damn carnival ride− not to spoil too much, but there’s a wash of different genres, different dynamics, different methods of storytelling and different perspectives on those stories. There’s music, there’s action, audience-participation, and enough backstory and little details that I’m still picking up new things even after having read through multiple times.

And lastly, oh boy− pitchforks and torches at the ready –there’s the content between Craig and Clyde. Now I’m not going to sugarcoat it, or really bother trying to hide the fact that these two don’t wind up in a happy relationship here. But please, and I really do mean this, don’t let that dissuade you. They have a very complicated relationship that keeps changing throughout, but their bond never goes away− so just because it isn’t all kisses and romance, I’d say it’s still one of the most endearing relationships I’ve seen written about the two (hence why I’m sticking to my guns on calling this a cryde-recommendation). Honestly, and I can say this from experience here, it gels with how boys like that can end up acting at that age. Despite everything, they still wind up being the biggest player in each other’s lives.

Characters

There is just characters bursting at the seams here, if you’re a fan of someone in the show, you can bet they’ll probably make an appearance somewhere along the line; or at least get a mention. Even Scott Malkinson gets namedropped, and that’s the first time I’ve seen him show up in something I’ve read in this fandom in like, forever.

Stan and Kyle are great picks for the leads, it feels easy experiencing the events unfold from their perspectives− honestly, it’s like watching a more grown up version of the TV-show for the most part, with Cartman and Kenny filling in with their usual contributions of being an asshole and a sweetheart respectively. (I really do love the way Cartman’s handled; he plays a tremendous bastard to be sure, but in a way you could imagine his childhood-self becoming- he makes a delightfully hammy and worryingly formidable antagonist) Also features pretty much my favorite version of Wendy I’ve come across; she’s the real MVP.

Craig’s low-key stealing scenes at first, before kicking things into high-gear and trying to take over the show throughout the run, to the point where he’s pretty much the focal point of all the drama several times. He’s a bit of a mess, but understandably so. Truthfully, all the characters have a unique take on them (all in keeping with how you’d imagine their canon counterparts at that age) and it’s a delight to learn what makes them all tick. I think with Craig especially, his views often radically differ from what you’re presented with by the other characters (including Stan and Kyle) and it’s never written in a way that forces you to side with any particular party as being ‘in the right’. Something I always find refreshing when it’s done as well as it’s done here. Everyone is presented with both strengths and faults, with actual long-running consequences for past actions, good and bad, and it’s up to you as the reader to make what you will out of it.

But then you’ve got the dialogue, and my god, it really takes the cake. There’s not much I can say apart from I legitimately thought some scenes and mannerisms must have been penned by Trey himself− the humor especially. Truly guys, you’re in for a treat. I would have loved to have asked the boys a question back in the day.

Style

Since I’ve gone long on the writing, I have to pretty much devote this section to the artwork because it’s fucking magic. Picture paints a thousand words and all that, and my god, does it ever do that here− the way things are scripted and tied in with the respective art? It makes for all sorts of amazing comedic timing, adds tenfold to any of the emotional scenes and just makes the story flow like a dream; I always have trouble putting it down once I get started.

Jovi’s just an incredibly talented artist, there is simply no escaping this fact. Each and every character has a unique design that fits their character and− I realize this one’s super subjective –to me, they all have such charm and personality in the way they’re drawn. It’s this masterfully presented cartoon-style with an emphasis on expressions, movement and color that I honestly just adore. Even at the very start of the blog, where the art is almost entirely different than it winds up looking at the finishing point two years later, I just love it− again with a South Park comparison, it reminds me of the watching the early cardboard-cutout style of the show compared to its newer 3D designs, both holding a special place in my heart in their own ways.

It floors me to think this was the author’s first major project. As mentioned above, I’d greatly recommend reading through the blog in its entirety, including all the commentaries by the mods, the funny tags, the side-art. One of the most inspiring things about this work is getting a sense of the love and dedication that was put into it over the years it was running; like watching the behind-the-scenes on some giant motion epic and coming to terms with how much effort went into producing what you’re seeing. It’s practically another story itself, and no less heartening than with the boys and their trials and tribulations. Seriously dude, so much kudos.

Favorite Things

The content variety. There’s just so much to love here, things being kept fresh and exciting throughout the super long run-time of the blog without feeling disjointed, on top of managing a satisfying conclusion. There’s a lot of fun to be had, no half-measures.

The character dynamics are a treat. With such a big cast, there’s all sorts of different personalities playing off each other, with dynamic relationships that all manage to evolve and grow. Definite love given to proper character arcs.

Inspiring themes and feel-good moments really do make this a gem to read when you’re looking for a pick me up. The messages about dealing with depression and addiction, managing your health and fitness and even studying and making smart choices− all of them really hit home.

Relationships of all different types; one’s that work out, one’s that don’t, some being easy, some being hard, long ones, short ones, mistakes and awkward surprises. Romance is well and truly covered, and I like that it doesn’t shy away with the stuff that just doesn’t end well.

Some of the best artwork you’ll come across (and so utterly fitting of the material), drawn to such a quality standard and on such a short time-frame that it kinda makes my head spin. I’m now at the point that when I think about the characters, these versions are the ones that appear in my head.

It’s honestly a little embarrassing for me to talk about AMAB, and god knows it’s pretty presumptuous, y’know? New guy recommends beloved artwork that already attracted thousands of followers back in its day. I’m going to guess this’ll end up being the rec that I’ll have needed to have written the least− since like, all of you have probably already devoured the blog long before you learned about it here.

But you know? If anything, I hope this ends up reconfirming what an excellent choice it was for you to have read it. And as always with these review things, if the author should read this, I hope you know just how much what you’ve made affected me and countless others; how good you deserve to feel, and how proud the people in your life must be of you for doing something so important and worthwhile.

As usual, next post’ll be spoilers and artwork− and I’m just going to bury my head in the sand so hard because my artwork is garbage compared, but we’ll have to muddle through. Join me there for second hand embarrassment, okay?

#south park #Cryde #style #askmarshandbroflovski #jovishark #blog recs #cryderecs #part1

4 notes · View notes

turnertimeline · 7 years ago

Text

1965 scraps pt 1

Collection: Scraps

Year: 1965

Characters: Timothy Turner, Annette Thompson

Content Warnings: none

Rating: K

Style: chat fic

Summary: original ideas for some stuff that we’ve changed since and reworked. Kinda like bloopers?

Annie’s first appearance

A girl on one of his classes ends up pregnant and her boyfriend demands she get rid of it. Tim knows the guy more than he does her. But when he hears about it, he goes straight to Shelagh for advice

And then talks to the girl about it. Telling her she has options, his mum could help

and going to sit with her, when the news gets out and everyone is studiously avoiding her eye

He doesn’t let anyone insult her, not on his watch

Others start to make comments about how it’s probably really his. That they were together behind her (now ex) boyfriend’s back

It doesn’t phase him much at all, once she’s told him it’s alright, it’s no worse than anything else they’re saying, at least he’s nice

He doesn’t understand how other boys can be so horrible towards girls

Especially girls as nice as her.

Early Bits

I’m still imagining this army of women turning up to Tim’s graduation

plus a policeman

And his best friend and her little boy. She couldn’t finish school, didn’t have anyone to help with the baby.

She ended up in Poplar and was immediately enveloped into the Nonnatus family

Her little boy adores Time

Has called Tim daddy a few times, doesn’t know better really

Tim would like almost nothing more than to be his dad

His best friend tells him he’s already that and more

He’s offered to marry her in the past.

But she turns him down. Doesn’t want to be his charity case.

She’s not though. He can see himself with someone like her. Kind, educated

She does say yes eventually. Her son is maybe 5 or 6. Adores Tim.. She spends more time with Tim than any other man. And none of the men she’s gone on dates with can compare to him really

She’s been expecting the kind of romance they talk about, the butterflies and the rollercoaster

Tim is … stable. Safe. It’s a quiet sort of love

Much like his parents

Forged from long nights and trips to the clinic and Christmas in Poplar when her parents still aren’t sure

And it feels like home

She goes out on dates, even spends a few nights, and just… finds herself wanting to be home with him

Listening to him play, or moan about the latest Lancer article

____

oh GOD

remember when we talked about Tim at college?

like 70% of why girls like him is he can cook and he does the washing up after and puts their aprons on to do it

his best friend, the girl who got knocked up and had to drop out

is always amused when he tells her about the girls who are always so surprised he can cook

that’s definitely what Tim did

his list of things to do in a crisis

a) make tea 2) cook 3) call Mum

and it makes Shelagh so proud of him

Tim always puts her apron on

because it’s white and pink and has frills and it makes her laugh

he does it just to make her laugh

because she doesn’t do it enough

the first time he did it because you just do, right? she was devastated and he was focused on trying to help and he always put aprons on to cook at home

it was hanging on the door where Shelagh keeps her and it was just … instinct

but then it made her laugh for the first time in like a week

Annie’s Name

Ellen?

something with a nickname that only her parents and tim call her

Tim does it accidentally the first time, and she doesn’t tell him not to

Elizabeth and Betty?

Elizabeth and Lizzy?

Betty sounds like an old lady

True

that sounds good

or Annette and he calls her Annie

I prefer Elizabeth but either is good

Kenneth sounds good enough

like he could be a good guy Kenny

but he’s Ken or Kenneth

and is a fucking douche

Tim has gotten into arguments with him before, the way he talks about women and the staff and … everyone, really

and when he finds out that he’s not even going to acknowledge the fact that Annette is having his kid

he straight up punches him in the face

which is when everyone is like, omg it’s Tim’s!!

and Tim is like *shrugs*

he doesn’t care if people think that

Patrick gets a letter home from the Dean and Shelagh is like, that’s my boy

they’re “disappointed” in him

but Shelagh sends him extra snacks in his next care package

and Patrick slips him a bit of extra cash too

they’re both like, we did good

#ctm #call the midwife #scraps: tim and annie #scraps: 1965

7 notes · View notes

blondechocobobutt · 7 years ago

Note

So what if Noctis survived the end of the game and had an s/o, but the s/o realizes that he had unresolved feelings for Luna? How would that piece of angst go?

Who Does Your Heart Lie With? || Noctis x Reader

Finally got it done! Yay! I hope you like it!

Tagging: @itshaejinju @waifuthewhite @nightowlss @promptoargentum-is-my-husband Word Count: 2,880

It had almost been two years since the light returned and the King of Lucis took his throne back. By some miracle, Noctis survived the whole ordeal. Maybe the Astrals took pity on him, or it was some fluke. Either way, Lucis was beginning to thrive again. So much has gotten done and the city of Insomnia has begun returning to its former glory. With the dedication of the King and his three men, Lucis was returning to normal. Everyone praised Noctis for his work. They were so grateful for him to have returned.

It wasn’t long after the sun had risen that you met the Lucian King. You simply were just a waitress at a shop in Lestallum. The king frequented there to see how things were proceeding.

It was nice to receive special attention from the King himself. Every time he had visited, he requested you to be there to serve him. It was the least you could do for someone who saved the world.

However, the requests turned into wanting to spend time with you. From there you saw each other romantically. The thought of the King wanting you was enough to make your head spin. The last thing on your mind was the potential of you becoming queen of Lucis.

As your relationship grew months turned into years, Noctis had asked you to move into the Citadel. It was a huge step. Especially since the local media was covering you and him. Magazines plastered your face on their cover with big quotations.

“NEXT QUEEN OF LUCIS?!”

Through those tabloids, you remembered. Noctis was supposed to wed Lady Lunafreya. You had gotten so wrapped up in the romance of your relationship, you had forgotten. It was kind of a blow to you personally. You were not as lovely as Luna had been. You didn’t even compare to her.

What was Noctis doing with you? You were not of royal blood or anything special, you were a waitress from Lestallum. Your parents had been simple farmers. There was nothing special. However, a thought came to your mind, he did choose you. You were sure there were better women out there. Hell, there were even some more attractive women at the restaurant you worked at. But he chose you…out of many women he chose you. With that thought, you smiled.

That evening Noctis came back to your shared chamber’s looking exhausted. The daily life of a king was trying for him. He insists he has it easier than his father. He didn’t have to bear the weight of the crystal for very long.

“Hey,” You smile softly.

Noctis looked up to see you and the tired expression he once wore faded and a smirk came to his face.

“Hey Y/N.”

He came over and caressed your face with his hand. He leaned down and placed a tender kiss on your lips. Your heart lifted and you pressed against him with as much force as he was giving.

After a few moments, he parted and began to disrobe from his kingly attire. He slowly pulled off his clothing obviously exhausted from the day. It did take a lot of strain on him to sit still through meetings all day and the weight of his robes probably didn’t help.

“How was your day?” You inquire as he moved to discard his robes into a chair.

“Busy.” He said simply. “Foreign negotiations are beginning. It’s going to take awhile to set the world back into place. Most of the population dwindled out during the time I was in the crystal…Ignis insists we go to Niflheim to see if anyone there has survived and provide them aid.”

It was weird to hear that. Once an enemy, now Lucis would offer a hand of help to them. It only made sense.

“We still have to go through some boxes Noctis.” You informed him as your eyes moved over to about four boxes full of items they were able to recover from the rubble of the citadel and Noctis’ old apartment. The boys helped clean up that area on Prompto’s request. He wanted to find any of their old things that survived.

Noctis sighed. “Right…” He looked over to them. It was bitter sweet for him.

The boxes held old memories from before the fall and before the start of his journey. “Let’s get through a few tonight.” He said as he got some comfortable clothes on.

It was just a simple t-shirt and sweatpants. You walked over to the boxes and sat down next to him.

The both of you began to go through some of the old stuff. Noctis would reminisce about an old burn comic book and how he and Prompto would just read in his old apartment on rainy days.

Comic after comic came out until Noctis paused and pulled out an old hard covered book. The mood of the entire room shifted. It seemed to grow heavy as Noctis’ entire demeanor changed. His smile fell and his eyes seemed to become watery. Yet he wasn’t crying. He looked like he was almost in a trance staring at the cover of the old book. He looked like he was debating about opening it.

For some odd reason the way he looked at that book. Hurt you, you weren’t sure why but the way he held the book like it was something fragile and could just shatter made your own heart break.

The question pinned at you for but a moment.

“What is that?” You asked softly and seemed to snap Noctis out of his trance.

“Oh, um…it’s a journal…Luna and I would pass to one another. It holds all the conversations we had.”

Your heart clenched. It had belonged to Luna. He stared at it with such sad eyes that deep in them was a notion of longing.

That was your first hint that Luna never left his mind. Then they got worse. He began to mix up your likes. Luna liked sweet tea’s you preferred bitter. He would take you out and order something that wasn’t your tastes but was Luna’s.

Each time it happened it got worse and worse. Your heart broke every time he did it. He would even absent-mindedly call you by her name. Each time he mixed you two up, it felt like a different blow. As if he repeatedly stabbed you. Every time it seemed to heal and the pain faded it would just occur again and you would have to clutch your chest just to simply breathe.

The final straw came this day.

He was reading something and in need of a pen to sign the document while you waited to go out for lunch.

“Luna- I mean, Y/N. Can you hand me a pen?” He asked softly. It was absent minded due to the document.

You tensed.

Your eyes bore into him and you almost felt your heart stop. He…he just called you Luna…

It was hard to swallow. Your palms began to sweat as your stared at him. You reached for the nearest pen and gripped it tightly.

Your hand flung and the pen flew right into his temple causing him to instantly flinch from the impact.

“What the hell?” He asked sitting up and his face fell when he realized what he had done.

“Y/N, I…I didn’t mean to…” He whispered watching your tears fall.

“Shut up…you have been doing this since we found that book…” You whispered as you looked down hoping to hide your tears and rage that bubbled deep inside you.

“Y/N,” He began to approach you as he pushed his chair away. “Please, let me explain…” He tried to reach out and touch you.

You just slapped his hand away.

“I’m not that hungry…I think I’m going to skip lunch…” You turned to leave as Noctis stood there completely dumbfounded.

“Y/N, h-hold on!” He said but you had already closed the door. As you walked down the halls hastily with tears in your eyes you wiped them the best you could. It was hard to see like this. Your heart was breaking and you just wanted to be alone. However, you bumped into a form in front of you.

“Ooof.”

You quickly rub your eyes and look up to apologize. But when you looked up it was a familiar face.

Prompto smiled. “Well fancy bumping into you…literally” He chuckled at his own joke but quickly turned serious as he saw your tear stained face.

His smile quickly fell as he looked at you. “Hey, whats wrong?” He asked moving to touch your shoulder.“

Concerned filled his face as he looked down at him. You almost didn’t want to talk about it with Prompto. He would take Noctis’ side no questions asked. He was Noctis’ best friend after all and having him standing in front of you with tears in your eyes was worse.

Prompto didn’t let his concern falter when you shook your head and mutter it was nothing. Instead, the blond wrapped an arm around your shoulders. "Let’s go to Kenny’s! I’m on lunch!” He smiled brightly.

You couldn’t help but smile at his positivity. That was the one thing you admired about Prompto, if everyone was down he would try to lift their spirits, even at the cost of embarrassment to himself.

A smile came to your face as he beamed down at you. “There we go! There’s a smile!” He chuckled. An arm draped around your shoulders and he began to guide you out of the Citadel and to the nearest Kenny’s.

The walk to Kenny’s was pleasurable. Prompto didn’t ask anything. He didn’t inquire why you were upset and crying. He simply just made you smile and laugh. He probably took the hint that you were not going to tell him about what had happened.

Once at the restaurant the conversations continued even when you got your food. Prompto wanted to take it off your mind for now so you could eat properly and think straight.

The two of you made idle chatter of random topics before Prompto decided it was time to talk about why you had been crying.

“So, tell me why you were so sad earlier.”

You looked down nibbling a fry before setting it down and letting out a soft sigh.

“Noctis has his mind on Luna…” You whispered and Prompto rose a brow.

“Well, he probably misses her…I’m sure it will pass…”

You shook your head. “He keeps…thinking my favorite things are hers…mixing us up…He even called me by her name.”

Prompto’s face fell and a worried expression crossed it. His cobalt eyes gazed down and he bit his lip trying to search for the words. But honestly, his best friend had fucked up bad. It was common to mix things up…but It had been twelve years. Granted, he was asleep for ten of those…

“He had never done it when you two started dating?”

You shook your head. “No, it started when he saw their notebook again…”

Prompto nodded. “Ah, yeah, because of Luna being under the control of Niflheim, it was impossible for her to have a phone. There would be no contact between the two. She would use Umbra to deliver the book back and forth to him. The dog could track someone for miles.” He chuckled lightly.

You sipped on your water as you listened to him and nodded slightly.

Prompto sighed. “Still, it’s not fair to you if Luna is on his mind…” The blond then stretched and thought. “Maybe after you crying he will realize that she’s gone and there isn’t anything he can do.”

You nodded at the hope. However, you didn’t want Noctis to just forget someone that was so important to him. How could you? It would be selfish, but having him mix the two of you up more than a few times was beginning to cause you to doubt that he loved you.

When you and Prompto returned to the Citadel together. You were laughing and enjoying his company. He certainly knew how to make people smile when they were down.

As you walked up the steps with Prompto, his arm was around your shoulder while telling you a joke and you couldn’t help but laugh and push him off.

Noctis stood there seeming to glare at his blond friend. Watching that, set the flames of jealousy and anger within his chest.

You looked up seeing his glare. You had only seen it a handful of times since your relationship started. You knew he was upset seeing Prompto with his arm around you.

However, Prompto didn’t read the situation well.

“Oh hey Noct!” He smiled brightly. He wanted to act like you didn’t just spill out what had been happening.

Noctis just stormed up to you and grabbed your wrist before shooting a death glare at Prompto before he began to pull you away.

“N-Noctis!” You gasped stumbling at first and trying to get your wrist out of his grip. However, it was strong. He leads you to the Citadel Gardens, somewhere he loved to walk with you. During the walk to the quiet place, Noctis turned to look at you.

Your heart stopped seeing his expression. You couldn’t quite tell what he was thinking or feeling. It was a mix of emotions that seemed lost on you. Noctis then grabbed your arms before slamming his lips against yours. You tense and move your head away.

“N-Noct-”

He used one of his arms to push you against a tree effectively pinning you there while his other hand grabbed your chin roughly and forced your lips back on his. His knee pressed between your thighs and his chest against yours pinning you with his body now.

His hand shot up your shirt and you gasp your eyes widening and your entire shook. It was fear that was encompassing you. You shot your hands to his shoulders trying to push him off.

“Noctis, s-stop, h-hold on” You gasped through his lips but he pressed harder. Your hand then flung up.

The only noise in the garden at that moment was the echoing sound of a slap. Noctis stepped back holding his stinging cheek. You held the hand you had hit him with close to your chest as your entire body shook with fear of what would happen next.

Noctis’ blue hues laid on you. He looked confused why you had just slapped him.

That’s when it fully hit you. You had just slapped the King of Lucis but he was, almost forcing himself upon you. It’s not like you and Noctis hadn’t laid together before, but this was different. He was always rough, but he would always immediately stop when you asked him to.

Your body was shaking as you looked at him. “I-I told you to stop.” You whimpered softly.

Noctis blinked and seemed to come to his senses and he looked down. “I..I’m sorry Y/N.”

“Why did you do that?!”

Noctis moved to sit on the nearest bench and he sighed softly. He looked like he was contemplating his words carefully. That’s when he looked up at you.

“There is nothing I could say, that would show you how sorry I am for how I’ve been acting these past few weeks…” He looked down.

“Finding Luna’s old book really opened some things back up. I…I never got to really tell her goodbye. I never got to tell her how much she meant to me. Hell…I didn’t even get to talk to her at all before she died. She was unobtainable to me…”

Noctis then laughed slightly as he looked up.

“You know, come to think of it…I think I was just more enamored with the fact she was something I wanted but couldn’t have…I love her…I really do…but, I guess I never really was in love with her.”

Listening to Noctis figuring out his feeling made your heart ache. But as he continued, he seemed to realize she wasn’t there any longer and he was.

Noctis soon stood and smiled at you. He took two steps meeting you and lightly touched your face. “Y/N, I know I haven’t been fair to you…I know I hurt you. But I realized when I saw your and Prompto…I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

You stared at him blinking slowly. The palm of his hand lightly caressed your face. “I love you.” He whispered and inside his eyes you could see that was the truth.

A soft smile came to your face as the tears seemed to dry up and you moved to hold him tightly. Your head laying on his chest and a soft sigh left your lips. “Noctis…I love you too.”

#noctis #Noctis Lucis Caelum #noctis x reader

60 notes · View notes

deadcactuswalking · 5 years ago

Text

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 3rd November 2019

I apologise for how late this will probably end up being posted, but we have a big week to talk about, with EIGHT new arrivals, two from Selena Gomez, three from Kanye West and two appearing here in the top 10 so I’m just going to get through everything as soon as possible to the best of my ability, although this week has several...mishaps on the BBC page to say the least, so I’ll try to correct them if I can, and I have had to wait for my week of non-stop Weezer listening to end or for me to accidentally slip up and listen to something else so I could actually write about the new arrivals here.

Top 10

Interestingly, none of the nonsense that this chart week ensued seems to appear in the top 2 or shake the #1 at all, as “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I is at its fifth consecutive week at the top of the UK Singles Chart.

“Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean – well, it’s actually a remix of a Jay Sean single but just let me relish in the fact Jay Sean is on the charts again – isn’t moving either at number-two, the runner-up spot.

The first impact that we can see at the top level of the charts is the debut at #3 for Selena Gomez’s first US #1 “Lose You to Love Me”, which the BBC has interestingly misspelled as “Loose You to Love Me”, her 13th UK Top 40 hit, fourth top 10 and highest-peaking song ever, after “It Ain’t Me” with Kygo peaked at #7. We’ll talk more about Selena Gomez’s two new arrivals later.

Thanks to Gomez, Post Malone’s “Circles” is down one spot to number-four.

At number-five is Ed Sheeran with “South of the Border” featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B, down three spots this week to number-five.

We have our second new arrival within the top 10, at number-six, “Follow God” by Kanye West from his ninth studio album, JESUS IS KING. He has several songs debuting here in the UK Top 40 this week, so we’ll talk more in-depth about his mini-album bomb later on, but this is his 44th UK Top 40 hit, which is crazy impressive, and his 20th top 10.

At number-seven, boosted up 11 spots by an Ariana Grande remix, is Lizzo with “Good as Hell”, making it officially her biggest song in the UK and her first top 10 hit, as well as Grande’s 16th.

Up two spaces to number-eight this week is “Memories” by Maroon 5.

Down two spaces from last week, we have Dermot Kennedy at number-nine with “Outnumbered”.

Finally, at #10, to round off the top 10, we have Lewis Capaldi’s “Bruises” down four spaces from last week.

Climbers

Naturally, there aren’t many climbers here because of the album bomb and influx of new arrivals, but we do have some unfortunate boosts for “hot girl bummer” by blackbear up five spaces to #25... and that’s all.

Fallers

Fallers on the other hand... we could split this up into genre, actually.

For pop, rock and EDM, we can start with “Lights Up” by Harry Styles deservedly flopping six spaces down to #17, then continue with “10,000 Hours” by Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber down 12 to #29, “Higher Love” by Kygo and Whitney Houston down eight to #31, “Sorry” by Joel Corry featuring uncredited vocals from Hayley May down 10 to #32 and finally “Don’t Call Me Angel” by Ariana Grande featuring Miley Cyrus and Lana Del Rey down 13 to #39 – but that’s not all.

For hip hop and R&B, we have “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” by Travis Scott down seven to #12, “Be Honest” by Jorja Smith and Burna Boy down five to #14, “Professor X” by Dave down seven to #21, “Take Me Back to London” by Ed Sheeran featuring Stormzy and remixed by Sir Spyro featuring Aitch and Jaykae down nine to #28, “Playing Games” by Summer Walker down nine to #33, “Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey down 10 to #35 and finally, “Taste (Make it Shake)” by Aitch down nine to #39... but again, that’s not all.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

We have no returning entries but we sure do have a lot of dropouts, some of them genuine hits such as “Strike a Pose” by Young T & Bugsey and Aitch out from #36 and “Beautiful People” by Ed Sheeran featuring Khalid out from #39, hits that never really hit the landing with the British general public but have been on the middling section of the charts for a while and could easily rebound like “Motivation” by Normani out from #27, “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo and remixed by DaBaby from #31, “frick, i’m lonely” by LAUV and Anne-Marie out from #32 and “Lalala” by Y2K and bbno$ and remixed by Carly Rae Jepsen and Enrique Iglesias out from #37, as well as some genuinely premature drop-outs such as “Graveyard” by Halsey out from #29 and finally, “47” by Sidhu Moose Wala, MIST, Steel Banglez and Stefflon Don out from #38. Now, finally, after all that time spent on stray UK Top 40 observations... let’s talk about Kanye.

ALBUM BOMB: Kanye West – JESUS IS KING

On October 25th, Kanye released his ninth studio album, JESUS IS KING, after missing several release dates and changing name from YANDHI. Kanye, a now born-again Christian, makes a “gospel” album free of any explicit lyrics, accompanied by a short film of the same name. It features an all-star guest list of vocalists and producers, including frequent collaborators Ant Clemons, Benny Blanco and Mike Dean, the reunion of legendary rap group Clipse, trap beat-makers Pi’erre Bourne and Ronny J, and smooth jazz saxophonist Kenny G. Obviously, it went #1 in the US, #2 here, but to mixed reviews – now, I won’t be focusing on the politics that surround the album and I am not very knowledgeable of religion so I cannot really comment on much beyond my understanding of Christianity and arguably more importantly, the lore of Kanye West. Mark Grondin of Spectrum Pulse already quoted more Bible quotes in his album review than I could remember digits of pi, and several people, like DeadEndHipHop, Sean Cee and even Anthony Fantano, whether you like them or not, have made several in-depth discussion videos about whether West’s sudden revelation is a genuine moment for the rapper, a mental breakdown or a cash-grab. I’m here to discuss the music... but even that’s not very good. I wrote a very lengthy review for the album two days after it came out (And before it went through an additional few fixes for mixing quirks, sigh) which will be linked here if I remember, and overall, it was disappointing, a light 4/10 and easily the worst record in West’s discography. Regardless, let’s talk about the debuts here.

#20 – “Closed on Sunday” – Kanye West

Produced by Kanye West, Angel Lopez, Brian “AllDay” Miller, Federico Vindver and Timbaland – Peaked at #17 in the US

Features uncredited vocals from the Sunday Service choir and A$AP Bari(?)

The most memeable yet also one of the most detestable tracks on the album, this is his 45th UK Top 40 hit. “Closed on Sunday” was one of the few tracks set to fail off the pure concept, as the biggest issue with most songs on JESUS IS KING is the lack of development or complete mishandling of great ideas, to the point where there basically is no effort to, you know, write a song here. “Closed on Sunday” is essentially one verse split into half due to a flow switch at the midpoint, and despite a runtime of only two minutes and 32 seconds, it drones on endlessly, with a solemn guitar melody leading into what could sound like a pretty cool, dark ballad, built up by the choir vocalising in harmonies that sound actually pretty great but then the 808s come in and ruin any sense of harmony. Kanye comes in with some of the worst mixing I’ve ever heard vocals have, especially on an album with the budget Kanye has, with a lot of background noise and I can even hear the buttons pressed on the phone or other device Kanye is using to record at about 0:38, which signals a drastic change in how the vocals are mixed, but it’s still shoddy and allows them to have some pretty severe clipping during the “chorus”, until a sudden shift where a turgid beeping sound works as a pathetic excuse for you know, an actual synth, and until now, Kanye’s vocals have not had reverb or Auto-Tune added onto them, so his vocals being drenched in effects actually sounds great here... but he still has a sore throat and sounds like he’s struggling here, although unlike “God Is” and just about the entirety of 808s & Heartbreak, where it adds to the emotive performance, Kanye sounds bored and with no choir backing him like they could have been, the release here just isn’t as cinematic as it could be and it just sounds like a melodramatic Kanye aimlessly spouting random Bible motifs over 808s without taking his daily Dequadin lozenge... and there are no drums... ever. Oh, and A$AP Bari comes in at the end to shout “Chick-fil-A”, abruptly interrupting the beat’s natural progression and making it clear as day that the album is unfinished. Also, speaking of those lyrics, should you really be comparing YOURSELF to a fast food restaurant that donates charity to anti-LGBT hate and pressure groups? That’s not very Christ-like, Ye. It probably wouldn’t matter if they didn’t either, because a thinly-veiled Taylor Swift reference (Yes, I know the Bible mentions “snakes” and “vipers” as much as reputation does, but the two aren’t on good terms so it’s no coincidence in my opinion) and calling God your “number-one with the lemonade” don’t exactly make you sound like a wordsmith. Oh, and A$AP Bari, the uncredited vocalist on the outro, pleaded guilty to sexual assault earlier this year, which again doesn’t exactly sound like a Christ-like thing to be supporting either... but I digress. The version he performed on Jimmy Kimmel with a genuine choir backing him and a brass band is miles ahead of this, so don’t bother with this version, or better yet, don’t bother with this monotonous crap at all.

#19 – “Selah” – Kanye West

Produced by Kanye West, E*vax, BoogzDaBeast, Federico Vindver, benny blanco and Francis Starlite – Peaked at #19 in the US

Features uncredited vocals from the Sunday Service choir, Ant Clemons and Bongo ByTheWay

Now, I’m slightly more positive on his 46th UK Top 40 hit, “Selah”, the opening track (Aside from the short “Every Hour” interlude / intro track which is only Sunday Service) of JESUS IS KING, yet that might actually make it more frustrating and it’s easily the track I come back the least to because overall, it’s actually pretty uninteresting and doesn’t have a true “hook”. It starts with some cloudy synth noodling that sounds kind of cool with the subtle strings but then Kanye comes in with some pretty awfully-mixed vocals that is incredibly unprofessional, teasing his fans for wanting YANDHI, and saying it was coming before “Jesus Christ did the laundry”, and quoting John 8:33 to excuse his “Slavery is a choice” comment, which he’s been trying to respond to the backlash to for about a year and a half now, failing each time. Also:

Pour the lean out slower

Hold up –that ain’t Christ-like. The explosions of marching band drums come in in a similar fashion to “Feel the Love” off of KIDS SEE GHOSTS, and then honestly the bridge, which is insanely repetitive but builds up tension perfectly with Ant Clemons and the Sunday Service choir repeating “Hallelujah” incessantly with distant guitar strings, handclaps and sudden pitch shifts reflecting the change in Kanye’s mindset and the intensity soon becomes a lot more ramped up from now on, finishing the bridge with a pretty beautiful vocal line that the 808s hilariously harmonise with. Then, Kanye comes back in with a verse co-written by Pusha T, and you can REALLY tell, and it’s still awfully-mixed, when there’s no true excuse. He’s drowned out by the bursts of drums and bass as well as the choir’s recurring vocal sample. The best part of the song soon kind of fizzles out in a chaotic outro, in which fireworks literally go off while Kanye screams nonsense as well as “Yeezus” which isn’t exactly Christ-like, but it sounds insane and honestly a tad odd and unfitting for the album, which is supposed to be an uptempo Christian rap album? While there are parts of this song I don’t approve of, especially Kanye, who ruins pretty much every song he’s on... on his own album, this is pretty tolerable, albeit somewhat contradictory lyrically and far from my favourite Kanye track. At least there’s some grandiosity and emotion here.

#6 – “Follow God” – Kanye West

Produced by Kanye West, BoogszDaBeast and Xcelence – Peaked at #7 in the US

I should be thankful for the grandiosity and emotion behind “Selah”, because this sure doesn’t have any of that. How the HELL does this have three producers? How on Earth does this album have 11 people on the mixing and mastering and yet this still sound like absolute gutter trash in my headphones? “Follow God” is easily the least interesting song on the JESUS IS KING album, and that’s pretty impressive for a record that contains the song “Water” with Ant Clemons, yet it’s the biggest and I don’t see why at all. There straight-up isn’t a chorus by any meaning of the word, or its many synonyms, and its dated production almost resembling 90s hip hop in the soul sample from 1974’s “Can You Lose by Following God” by Whole Truth and the genuine 90s groove and funk that is somewhere here in the beat, doesn’t exactly make it sound like a catchy trap banger that would reach the US top 10 in 2019, but it’s there. It’s called by many fans a spiritual successor to 2016’s “Father Stretch My Hands” from The Life of Pablo but other than using the lyric “Father, I stretch my hands”, I don’t see it, mostly because the 2016 effort doesn’t actually have much relation to Christianity outside of the beautiful gospel choir harmonising with Caroline Shaw on the bridge of that single. In fact, that song does a better job at flipping Christian rap on its head – it’s a two-part trap banger featuring verses from Desiigner and lines about... bleached posteriors. This song on the other hand is only one minute and 44 seconds, with one badly-mixed and distorted verse from Kanye that is as repetitive as the mind-numbing recurring “Yeah” vocal sample and prone to making me roll my eyes with its one verse and the... outro of sorts. But since this beat is so minimalistic, surely he wants us to hear what he’s saying, right? Well, no, probably not, because not only is his “wordplay”(?) and half-rhymes embarrassing, but I have so many questions to raise to this drum pattern. I want to interview the 808 and the kick drum and ask what the heck they think they’re doing.

People really know you, push your buttons like type-write

That’s not a sentence. “Like type-write”? Excuse my brief, unsubtle blasphemy, but Jesus.

Every single night, right? Every single fight, right?

The ‘i’-based rhyme scheme here is cool in concept and he finds his way around it pretty well, in a fast-paced rap flow that I actually really like, but it reeks of laziness, especially since not only does he completely abandon the rhyme scheme 55 seconds in but – yes, I counted – his verse is 69 seconds, that’s one minute and nine seconds. To put into perspective, Rick Ross’ verse on “Devil in a New Dress” off of Kanye’s 2010 album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is one minute and 28 seconds, only twenty seconds longer than this one, and it includes ten times as much clever wordplay, story-telling, interesting flow switches and bars that are really epic, making the song feel really celebratory of sorts actually – and that’s without the epic guitar solo that precedes it. What a fantastic song. On the other hand, this song is substance-less and Kanye says very little of anything despite how much he crams into every bar in the rapid yet sometimes pretty awkward flow. What he’s supposed to be discussing is his situation with his father and how when he was yelling at him and having a massive argument and fall-out, Ray West told him, it wasn’t Christ-like, leading to a revelation and possibly becoming the catalyst for the already-kickstarted Christian rebirth. Surely, his dad and God are the two most important men in his life, right? Then why does this feel passionless and boring? Why doesn’t this feel genuine? Fellow Christian rapper NF, a white rapper who makes bland piano-lead pop-rap with sung hooks, would call this flavourless, dull and more importantly, grey. It doesn’t feel blue and gold like he wants it to as he uses the colours to imply royalty, luxury and loyalty to God on the album cover and lyric video. This doesn’t show loyalty. You made this in five minutes, Kanye. You made this on a whim because you had an idea and you ran with it but you had no idea on how to actually develop it into something interesting or even listenable. What part of this shows royalty, luxury and a rich, graceful connection with God? This sounds cheap and gross, and frankly incredibly disappointing from such a talented artist. I haven’t even gotten onto the rest of the song, man, and I don’t even want to. “Decimal” doesn’t rhyme with “wrestle”, Kanye. “Wrestlin’ with God, I don’t even want to wrestle”? That’s the deepest you want to go into your confusion and conflict between Christianity and fame? That’s pathetic, as is the random screaming at the end of this track for quirky or emotive bonus points. There’s nothing lifelike or Christ-like about your lifestyle, Kanye West. Get some help.

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 – “Nice to Meet Ya” – Niall Horan

Produced by Julian Bunetta – Peaked at #9 in Ireland and #83 in the US

Sorry to any of the Niall Horan fans who crashed his website when this single was announced, but I have considerably less to say about the rest of these new arrivals than I do about Kanye West and/or Jesus Christ. I have to talk about them regardless of if I have anything I can actually add, and this one is one I’ve actually already heard since I watched the MTV EMAs and he performed it. I thought nothing of it initially, but this is the Irishman from One Direction’s comeback single after his debut studio album Flicker. This is Horan’s third UK Top 40 hit and first since 2017’s “Too Much to Ask” which peaked at #24, and I did not expect this shift to late 90s and early 2000s dance-rock, but I am definitely not complaining. It starts with a catchy piano line that’s pretty Robbie Williams-esque, then the drop comes in and it is killer. The sleek synths decorating the rock drums in a lot of slickness that you wouldn’t expect out of such a meek stage presence add to the chorus pretty well, but the best part of that chorus is the distant pitch-shifted vocal sample yelling in the background, making it feel even more industrial which again is out of character for Niall, the quiet, shy folk boy, but he definitely has the charisma to pull off this type of swaggering, stomping pop rock anthem, and he proves that in the sing-along bridge, where even his murmuring hums stand out, and while he’s drowned out by the cool bassline and drum pattern most of the time, his vocal delivery really is the highlight of the song, even if that is equally vintage and in a way, pretty nostalgic for the era it replicates. Funnily enough, it has the same lack of care for organised structure that “Lights Up” by Harry Styles had just two weeks ago, but the careless, reckless groove of this song works a lot more in Horan’s favour than Styles’. Just saying.

#27 – “Orphans” – Coldplay

Produced by Rik Simpson, Dan Green, Bill Rahko, Max Martin, Angel Lopez and Federico Vindver – Peaked at #14 in Scotland

Coldplay, with their most recent upcoming album Everyday Life, are getting pretty experimental. It’s an hour-long double-album kept a secret until a month before it is set to release featuring a track list full of songs that have odd stylisations like “BrokEn” and share song names with Arabic poems. “Arabesque”, the B-side to “Orphans”, is a storm of nu-jazz trumpets with a Fela Kuti-inspired breakdown and uncredited guest vocals from Stromae, as well as profanity, which is a first for the band. I’m not surprised at all that one didn’t kick off but we are instead left with their 24th UK Top 40 hit and first since “Something Just Like This” with the Chainsmokers peaked at #2 in 2017, “Orphans”, which is a lot tamer of a track to say the least. That doesn’t mean it’s any worse though. It starts with a kids’ choir singing before we get into a tropical rock jam with a funky bassline that I wouldn’t be surprised if Flea wrote, it’s that tight. Chris Martin sounds as focused on Christianity as he did on the Avicii album earlier this year, directly name-dropping Heaven in the first verse, and then joining in with the nonsense words that the vocal samples had been repeating prior to the verse. The chorus is pretty reminiscent of arena rock, specifically “Paradise” I feel as it has that same nasal falsetto but in a lot more palatable fashion, mostly because this actually has groove and you know, a pulse. Yeah, this is pretty great, and I love the bridge of purely the mythical guitar and Chris Martin’s ethereal vocals. Something I didn’t notice on initial listen is how that the song is about a girl, Rosaleem, during the Damascus bombing in Syria from last year (That’s what the nonsense words and sound effects are all about), who is greeted by angels who talk to her about what Heaven will be like, which is “almond and peach trees in bloom” but also a place for her dad to get drunk and talk with his friends so he can feel young again. That’s actually pretty deep subject matter, and together with Niall Horan, I’m glad we can have some fantastic rock on the charts again. “Arabesque” is the better of the two Coldplay songs though.

#26 – “Look at Her Now” – Selena Gomez

Produced by Ian Kirkpatrick – Peaked at #7 in Slovakia and #27 in the US

Man, those last two songs were so powerful and organic, I almost want some disposable garbage to review next. It’ll just be easier. Oh, we have two Selena Gomez songs and a new AJ Tracey single to cover? Perfect, that’s just what I asked for! Yeah, this is Selena Gomez’s 14th UK Top 40 hit and it is awful, but not even close to as offensively bad “Closed on Sunday” or “Follow God” are. It’s just a mistake on all fronts. The passionless vocal samples drowned out in the background that peters out by the verse and the nothingness of the synths and a glitchy beat that abruptly kicks itself out of the mix every other second, as well as Selena Gomez’s weak, whispery vocals don’t exactly scream “passionate, boasting kiss-off” to me. The chorus is absolutely PATHETIC, if it even exists at all – I mean, it’s just a bunch of different sound effects Selena Gomez made pretty much, with her rhythmically humming as if that’s an excuse for an actual chorus with some unintelligible, stuttering and sometimes whispered repetitions of the song title as well as several “W-w-w-w-wow”s that add very little to the song and seem pretty pointless. This is mixed well for the most part, despite the synths clipping at times and Selena’s vocoder-ed ad-libs in the second chorus being way louder than anything else in the mix, but I have no idea what the composers of this song were thinking. What a trainwreck. It almost sounds like glitch-pop to be honest, it’s chaos, and if it were marketed as that maybe I’d appreciate it more, but if this is supposed to be a genuine brag to Justin Bieber asking him to see what he’s missing, he might as well have dated a robot. I think a RateYourMusic user summed it up best: “This is so monumentally mediocre that it barely even exists.”

#22 – “Floss” – AJ Tracey featuring MoStack and Not3s

Produced by The Elements and AJ Tracey

AJ Tracey is a British rapper who had his break out this year and he released his self-titled debut studio album back in February, but it now has a deluxe edition, with five extra songs, this being one of them. I wasn’t exactly impressed with the album as it’s mostly pretty bland Americanised trap fluff with only some promising elements of dancehall (“Butterflies” with Not3s and remixed by Popcaan), grime (“Horror Flick”) and UK garage (“Ladbroke Grove”, one of my favourite songs of the year) propping up whenever AJ sees fit, but it’s 48 minutes so these moments can’t carry the whole track listing. Lucky for us, he’s increased that runtime to just over an hour and included a couple more boring trap songs to listen to. Joy. This is AJ’s seventh UK Top 40 hit, MoStack’s eighth and Not3’s sixth. This song relies on a pretty sweet falsetto vocal sample under a surprisingly energetic trap beat, with some pretty nice steel pans and cowbells in addition to the skittering hi-hats and 808s. AJ Tracey is pretty okay here, but I feel with these lyrics and beat he could have gone for a faster and more impressive flow than what he brings out here. I’m still in love with his “bling-blaow” ad-lib though. MoStack is embarrassing as always, with an oddly-mixed verse and sometimes off-beat flow, with the most obvious difference between him and AJ being that there aren’t any ad-libs or multi-tracked vocals, which is mostly the same with Not3s’ non-existent and actually pretty unnecessary bridge (He should have just added to the final chorus, though his last few bars sound nice). Mo does have a pretty funny line about how you wouldn’t be able to notice him on CCTV and would confuse him with Dave though. This is better than I expected, but still nothing of interest to me. Sorry.

#3 – “Lose You to Love Me” – Selena Gomez

Produced by Mattman & Robin and FINNEAS – Peaked at #1 in the US

Now, much like Coldplay, Selena Gomez also released two lead singles, however both charted and they are drastically different to Coldplay’s, quality-wise at least. This is supposed to be the big massive smash ballad hit that hit #1 in the US, becoming her first ever song to reach that peak, but I can’t bring myself to care, because honestly, this is one of her least interesting singles she’s ever released. Out of all of her songs, including some I actually like such as “It Ain’t Me” and “Same Old Love”, this seems like one of the most unlikely #1s yet it tugs at our heartstrings with the pianos from FINNEAS, Billie Eilish’s brother and producer, and it’s about how Justin Bieber dumped her with wordplay revolving around “purpose” – wow, it’s almost like she’s talking about Justin Bieber’s ALBUM, Purpose! Ugh, her mind! Okay, I’ll stop mocking her fanbase and the general public, because this really isn’t a bad song. Selena Gomez can’t sing, so through thinly-veiled Auto-Tune, the producers cleverly multi-track her vocals to create a grand, powerhouse chorus out of the repetition of “To love, to love, yeah” and because it’s a pop ballad, the vocals can be breathy and untrained and it’s fine, right? It’s a ballad, it doesn’t need to be perfect, and hence we can take advantage of the complete lack of singing talent this person has. I don’t know, it just seems so cliché and predictable to me. You can only tell it’s a FINNEAS beat once the second verse hits and the synths get jerkier with the bass wobbles, and he usually has a pretty signature sound, so yeah, that’s the best way to put it. Or, perhaps, this song is also so monumentally mediocre that it barely even exists.

Conclusion

Again, I’m sorry this is out so late but it was a big ordeal to write, especially due to all the Kanye songs. I’ll try and get the next one out a lot sooner, I assure you, but there’s an album bomb this week too, so we’ll see about that. Anyways, the Best of the Week is going to Coldplay for “Orphans”, who just barely edged out Niall Horan, who gets the Honourable Mention, with “Nice to Meet Ya”. Worst of the Week should be obvious, in fact, it’s not going to a song, it’s going to three songs, all by Kanye West. “Saleh” isn’t all that bad, but JESUS IS KING was such an immense disappointment that I think he should be crowned Worst of the Week based on not only “Closed on Sunday” or God forbid “Follow God”, but also on principle alone. The Dishonourable Mention is going to Selena Gomez for “Look at Her Now” for being hilariously misguided in the production area, Jesus. I’m going to wrap this week up with a Top 40 ranking of the whole chart on Twitter, which I’ll try to do bi-weekly, no guarantee, so follow me there @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and shoddy attempts at humour, and I’ll be seeing you here again next week. Peace!

0 notes