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u-friend-or-ufo · 4 months ago

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My Story

Disclaimer

I do not want any witch hunt or harassment towards his family and friends when/if I reveal their username or their real name. I haven’t got a lot of screenshots of our messages. I do have some during the end of me talking to him and others. I may also delete the post to work on it more, with more screenshots if I can find them. Or, if I find this too overwhelming for me.

Also, if you have any suspicions on who this person is. Please don’t reblog this post with their username and/or their real name as I’m not ready to reveal it.

Throughout my teenage years to an young adult (14/15-19/20) I was in contact with someone who was in their 60s on Deviantart. As of yet, I’m not ready to reveal their username or their real name.

I started my own Deviantart account when I was 12/13, which is now deleted. For the first year I posted my cringe drawings and photos. During when I was 14/15, I started to Like The Beatles and the cartoon that they had back in the 60s and would favourite art and fanfictions of the band. That’s when I came across one of their drawings and posted a comment on it. I can’t remember who sent a note first. If you are not familiar with Deviantart, notes are like privet messages before the Chat function that Deviantart has now.

At first it was fine, talking about The Beatles and different bands. Normal stuff for around a year like hello and how was your day.

During 2015 when I was 15/16, we got into an argument that got pretty bad. He asked me what year at school I was in and I said I was in year 11. He then replied with “Does that mean your 18?” I replied with No, I’m 16.”

He replied later with something along the line “We can’t talk anymore. Goodbye.” Again I don’t have any screenshots of our earlier notes. I was confused, why couldn’t we talk. Nothing was going in in a bad way. We argue about it. He blocked me, I blocked him. After a while we unblocked each other, apologized and continued on talking. This would happen a lot. We argue about something, he will bock me, sometimes deactivated his account only to reactivated, unblocked me and then apologise to me.

One time they told me that they had a dream about my trying on cute short dresses. I should have cut contact after he told me that. But I was an idiot and still talked to him.

We talked on Messenger as well. He asked for pitchers of me. Not in the nude, nothing like that, just of my face. He said one time that he would get a tattoo of my face because I was so beautiful One time he asked for a picture of me and for a joke, I took and sent him a picture of one of my stuffed toys. He got mad at me for doing it and I apologies for the joke. I don’t have any screenshots of these messages, I’ve looked for them but can’t due to them deleting their Facebook.

We also did roplays together. Just silly Beatles roplays that involves some ocs of mine. However, some of the rolpays did involve some fetishes and kinks that I didn’t find sexual. So did some of the art work that they draw for me. Now, I don’t kink shame. If you got a kink or a fetish, then that’s fine. As long as you don’t push it on to other people who find it uncomfortable. Especially onto minors, even if they do have it.

Just after my 17 birthday, somehow one of the staff at the collage that I was attending at the time found out that I was talking to him. I do believe that one or two of my collage friends told them about us. I do remember one of them looking at my computer screen time. They brought me into a room and asked me some questions. “When did you first start talking?” “Has he ever asked for sexual images of you?” One thing that they said did baffle me a bit. “Well, you are over the age of 13. This person isn’t a paedophile. Do you know what grooming is?”

They phoned my parents and I was allowed to leave early. My parents told me not to talk to them privately but I still can post comments on their art work. But I went behind their backs and still talked to them privately on Deviantart and Messenger.

I was pissed at them for telling the collage staff. I didn’t know who actually told them but I had my suppositions. One of these friends was 24 at the time, we meet in collage when I was 16. The friend group that they were in took me under their wing and we became friends. However, as time went by they wanted to be in a relationship with me. But that story is for another time when I’m ready to talk about it.

When my parents found out that I was still talking to him after some months passed, they were so mad at me. Screaming at me, reducing me to tears. But after all of that, I still continued to talk with him behind my parents back. Being more secret about it and deleting our privet notes together. And, using other platforms like Tumblr and Twitter. That’s one thing I deeply regret, deleting all of our notes beside some last ones that they sent me before I cut him off.

One of his conversations with me was how I saved him from suicide by being there for him, talking to him. I was there for him when we would rant about politics and other Deviantart users. The fact that we lived in different countries, me living in the UK and him living in America. I would have late nights talking to him and roplaying as well. I would end the night by saying.” I’m going to sleep now, talk to you tomorrow.” And if I didn’t say goodnight to him, he would get mad.

Another time he asked me to marry him, I was 17 at that time… Again, I wish I kept the notes…I was an absolute idiot for deleting them. When he asked me, I was out with my family and the phone I was using had terrible internet connection with the place that I was in. I didn’t reply straight away, I was shocked… I didn’t know what to say. I moved somewhere else away from my parents when he massage again. I do slightly remember what the message said.

“I’m waiting for the answerJ”

And like the fool I was… I said yes…That I will marry him… I didn’t want another augment to happen or them hurting/committing suicide . He was so happy… This was a man in his 60s, he was married, had children and even had grandchildren…

In 2019 when I was 19/20, we had one last argument then I block him permanently after that because I have had enough of his threats and the way he was treating me. I then deleted my main account later on. I can’t remember if I deleted it in 2019 or 2020.

The argument was about me having an interest into Wicca and them finding out that I was in a relationship with my third ex-boyfriend.

Below are some screen shots of the notes that I kept from 2019. His username and mine are blocked out, as well as other personal information.

After some time he also deleted his main account but then crated a new one, uploading some if his old drawings.

Other screenshots

This one is from an email that they sent me during 2017. They had some suspicions that I was in a relationship and we had another augment about it. I lied to him and said that I wasn’t in one so that the argument wouldn’t continue.

These messengers are from Tumblr. I must have forgotten to block him on their. I sent him this message to him to him in 2020. I don't have a screenshot of the messages but here is it typed out.

What you have done could be consider as grooming. However, I do not think that was your intention or that you are a podophile. I believe that I appeared in your life when you was in a bad mind state and somehow have helped you. You did tell me that I saved you from suicide once. The reason why I left was the way you was talking and behaving towards me. You did not like the fact that I had a boyfriend at the time who you called a "fag" You didn't like me not talking to you for a day.

I don't know if your lgbtq+ views have change or not. I am Asexual, witch I have told you before. I am also questioning Bi-curious. You have your own opinions witch is fine but they have hurt me.

You called me a devil worshiper for having an interested in Wicca. For some clarification, Wicca is an Religion witch has nothing to do with the Christian devil. I did explain that to you but you didn't listen.

You threatened to hurt yourself and kill yourself if I left or didn't agree with you. How did you think I felt when you said theses things to me? What was your intentions?

I am sorry that you suffered from a stroke and I wish that you will have a full recovery. I don't know if you will see this message as well if you will reply to it. All I want is us the move on.

In 2022 he replied to the message.

Last year in 2023 I found out that this person passed away. I don't think I will ever forget his name so out of curiosity, I Googled his real name and found his Obituary. I couldn't believe it at first. I just stared blankly at the computer screen, my mind racing with thoughts. I couldn’t believe it at first that he was gone.

And that’s my history with this person. Again, I’m not ready to reveal their username or their real name. Not even my parents, my ex-boyfriend at the time when we was together fully knows what happened. Only my closest friends know and I’m so thankful for them taking the time for listening to me.

What I’m still conflicted on is dose this count as grooming? I do believe that used me as their own personal therapist but there is non-sexual grooming. I feel like an idiot for not cutting contact when red flags started showing up. That I blamed myself for getting in this situation. But another part of me says that this isn’t grooming. Other people have had it way much worse than you. You’re blowing this way out proportion.

I’m also worried about the outcome of telling my story. That people will say “Why didn’t you listen to your parents?” “Why didn’t you get the police involved?” “Why tell your story now?” Those are all valid criticisms. I just wanted to get this out of my chest. Again, I may also delete the post to work on it more, with more screenshots if I can find them. Or, if I find this too overwhelming for me.

#personal #possible grooming #tw grooming #possible groomer #tw abuse #online grooming #my apologies for the bad grammar #I wont let people reblog this post #you can comment on it

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sorenphelps · 7 months ago

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For ask game: 1, 4, 5, 10

Hi there! (I think we are neighbors?)

1. favourite place in your country?

Already answered here.

4. favourite dish specific for your country?

I think the most famous is Gulyás (goulash), which is actually a soup originally made from beef and a shitton of paprika. My favourite ones are however lángos, which is a fried sort of bread-like street food with sour cream, garlic and cheese (there are a lot of other versions now), and túró rudi which is a... chocolate bar kind of thing with cottage cheese. I know it sounds disgusting, but it's better than it sounds, I swear! This one has a lot of different versions now too, my current personal favourite is flavored with chestnuts. I also like töltött káposzta (stuffed cabbages), it's usually prepared for Christmas, and I think our neighbor counties also have a dish very similar to it.

5. favourite song in your native language?

I have a lot! I listen to Hungarian alternative/underground rock a lot (unfortunately it's not that popular genre here nowdays), so from the top of my head, I'd pick these three:

Tánc by Kiscsillag. I just like the vibe of this song, I can't really explain why.

Magam adom by Quimby. It's my number one heartbreak song because of the lyrics.

Beszorult mondat by Kispál és a Borz feat. Krúbi. They are an old band who reunited last year after almost a decade of silence. This song is from their newest album, and they had a collab with a new popular rapper, which shouldn't work, but somehow this track is just so good?!

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language?

We have so many swearwords, it's very hard to pick just one! We can get very creative with them, we can swear for multiple minutes straight without saying the same word twice! Also, the meaning of our words are quite nuanced, so we have a lot of phrases which technically contain no swearwords but are used as swearing. To illustrate this a bit, lets start with a "basic" phrase: kurva anyád = "motherfucker", literally meaning your mother is a whore. The phrase still qualifies as a swearing if the actual swearword ("kurva") is not included, to the point that we use "anyázni" (mentioning someone's mother) as a synonym for cursing. So if we ask "Anyád hogy van?" (How is your mother feeling?) it can mean fuck off. "Menj anyádba!" (Go back into your mother!) is more direct and also means fuck off. "Anyám, borogass!" (Mother, please bathe me!) can be used the same way, but it's milder and now a little archaic even, it's mostly used as a sarcastic remark like "no shit, sherlock". Speaking of shit, we are very creative with this word too. We use it as noun and an adjective too, "szar" can be used for anything that's bad. If we say "Szarjál sünt!" (Go and shit hedgehogs!) that can also mean fuck off. I can go on and on forever, especially that I swear a lot. Or in Hungarian, "kibaszottul kurva sokat káromkodok!" (I swear so fucking much.)😅🤬

#lau gets personal #ask game #fun facts about hungary

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digitalcactusblog · 7 months ago

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song ask meme!!! tagged by @hybridcitrus, thank you for the tag!!!!! >:3c i do so love inflicting my music taste on others :3c

Shuffle your on repeat playlist and list the first 10 songs, and then tag 10 people

God's Plan - Mother Mother y'all, the new mother mother album FUCKS HARD. i missed their old sound so much and it's back with this album!!!

The Glow (feat. Kimbra) - Big Data great song to blast in the car while you're driving to feel cool and also if you love heavy bass which i do :3

Kill All Your Friends - My Chemical Romance i actually only discovered this song like, recently??? by recently i mean like in the last two years, but considering i first listened to the Black Parade album like........ 10-12 years ago??? cannot believe. anyways this song gives me oc brainworms (shaoyuan my beloathed) for some fucking reason.

Astral Travel - Kikuo & Hatsune Miku i've been listening to Kikuo's stuff for a while but somehow i didn't notice that they dropped a new album?? honestly that's how it goes most of the time for me, it's always a fun surprise

Whisper - The Dear Hunter i'm kinda surprised it took 4 other songs before i hit a TDH one tbh but yeah this one!!! the migrant album was the album that got me into TDH, actually, and it's in my top 3 albums i think??? this song is especially fun to scream-sing loudly when you're feeling emotions. what emotions, you may ask? who knows! just as long as there's lots of it! just look at the lyrics cmon. also not to sing casey crescenzo's praises to the sun and back but, this man's voice. when you hit the chorus, man oh man. i love it.

The Carousel - Best Frenz & Joywave JOYWAVE joywave my beloved!!!!!!!!!! joywave's another band that i completely failed to follow along with and then suddenly i re-found some of their music, went "this is so good please tell me there's more" and then found all their albums??? and then there were NEW ALBUMS??? this is one of the tracks from one of them. this ALSO gives me tremendous oc brainworms (shaoyuan my beloathed again)

The Moments in Between - The Reign of Kindo if you like TDH, you'll probably also like the Reign of Kindo, because that's how i found them lmao. completely unrelated, if i have enough brainworms about an oc, i inevitably end up associating them with a band/multiple bands, and this band i strongly associated with tora. not even sure why!!

Burning Pile - Mother Mother wow, what a blast from the past. i used to listen to this as a sad depressed teenager!! and now i am a sad depressed adult, and i have different music i listen to, but this one still hits the same. damn. i'm such a sucker for a song that sounds happy and then you listen to the words and you're like fuck.

Ring 1 - Tower - The Dear Hunter ANTIMAI MY BELOVED. i cannot, for the life of me, decide which my absolute favourite song from the album is, because i love them all. but this one is definitely one of the top top faves. when the music slows down around the 2 minute mark?????? and the narrator in the song gets all smugly menacing?????????? and the instrumentals get all chill????????????? i simply die

Sword of Drossel - OSTER Project i think i found this track when i was in my late teens?? and then i forgot about it for a while, and then relatively recently (in the last 2 years) i had a sudden vocaloid nostalgia kick, and then i actually found this one on my streaming service and i was like oh shit???

man this was really fun!!!!! thank you again for the tag :D

i shall tag... @fangirling-phoenix @exilley @saiyanblood2 @bumble-b-goode @aboxthecolourofheartache @strawberry-hyacinth @mintchocolateleaves @artemisrockatansky @simplyaskeleton @skadren and anyone else who wants to do it!!!

#music #fingerguns #you would not believe how tempted i was to tag u again kim and honestly i kinda still want to #pass the potato but it's the tag game :joy:

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aidansloth · 2 years ago

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Random Gareth Emerson Headcanons:

this is literally the 3rd part of these, and yes, the hyperfixation on this sweet boy is still here (tw, I also accidentally deleted the past version of this and the suicidal tendencies really kicked in yk)

he's a Gryffindor, maybe a bit Hufflepuff but mostly Gryffindor

for my Percy Jackson fans, he's either Ares' or Hermes' kid

he's the type to dye red streaks in his hair after a mental breakdown at 3am

his pajamas consist of red checkered pants and a band tee (I'm looking respectfully sir👀)

is a theatre kid

he puts on full shows in his bedroom when his sister walks in and he SHREEKS

can you IMAGINE him singing at the top of his lungs Say My Name or The Room Where It Happens

he's a History and Science nerd, but is somehow shit at Maths

I'm sorry but he looks like he's about to ask you if you have games on your phone

he has SO MANY HOODIES and you get to steal all of them

don't know if I already said this but he's usually short on money so he handcrafts most of the gifts he gives and also makes a lot of his own jewelry

because he hasn't got a lot of money he makes the best presents, they're all thoroughly thought-out and personal to the individual

he can sew, maybe just as necessity, he can fix a button or shorten stuff I'm sure

wears mismatched socks on purpose

he wants to get industrial and helix piercings, tattoos too but he doesn't know what to get yet

Modern!Gareth loves Pokémon, has all the games and knows all of their names (it's his hyperfixation yes) and he says his favourite Pokémon is Emboar but it's actually Sylveon (he just thinks it's really pretty)

he looks like an Arcanine

him and his family (mom and younger sisters) have Sunday nights where they watch movies and play boardgames together and have junk food

when he introduces you to the family his sisters instantly invite you to these nights. he tries so hard to hide his excitement but he can't help but smile and giggle at the thought of you getting along with his family so well

his mom is so happy to see her son like this (she also very much loves you)

okay I got off track there

loves sci-fi, especially those stories where humans realize they've been treating robots and cyborgs like shit

also loves books with rebellions (totally projecting)

his favourite Disney movie is Mulan and yes, he currently has a crush on Li Shang (rightly so). he was probably his gay awakening

he uses dried flowers as bookmarks

him and Eddie stim together (Autistic Eddie and Gareth with ADHD)

probably said this already but his most common stim is bouncing his leg and clapping

he hates gum

any sort of gum, doesn't like it at all

his bed is full of cushions

LOVES dragons

he thinks they're so cool, they have FIRE and WINGS and they've got SCALES and they're BIG

always keeps the thing-y from cans (my English just died imsorry) and makes them into jewelry

he has the whole set of tools to do that too

he's also the one that fixes everything in the house

I also think that the whole of Corroded Coffin is going to live together in an apartment

once Jeff woke him up at 4am because a lightbulb went out in his room and didn't know how to turn fix it

that apartment is going to be a mess

no offence to them obviously, but they are teenage boys, what do you expect (I mean this with love I swear)

(for anyone who has read The Raven Cycle, it's going to be like the guy's apartment, even with the toilet in the kitchen)

the times they've forgotten that one of them is taking a shower and walked right in on them are countless

they always try to have some time together, since they're all busy with either work or college (I'm probably going to make another set of headcanons for this, it really just got my brain going)

can't decide if he'd either kill bugs without hesitation or if he'd be the guy to run away screaming

cause I know Eddie frees them into the wild

and I need to know if they're gonna fight about the bug's fate for 3 hours like they're meant to

Gareth would kill for chicken nuggets

i didn't feel like checking spelling so I apologize for any mistakes

#gareth emerson #gareth the great #gareth emerson headcanons #hellfire club #gareth emerson x reader #corroded coffin #stranger things headcanons

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slonekaru · 2 years ago

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Hi! I’m not sure if you’ve been asked this before but, what are your top 5 BL’s that you watched this year?

Oh, good question! I've watched so many BL's this year :) How do I choose 5!?!?!?

In no particular order because I can't decide:

Love in the Air

I adore Love in the Air, I liked it right from seeing the trailers and it never let me down. Both couples are amazing for various reasons. The PrapaiSky story was well done and I'm a little in love with Peat. But I have to say I think Payu and Rain are one of my favourite couples from this year and have quickly solidified their place in the favourite couples ever category. I loved their relationship and the D/s elements, how it progressed, how they showed a functioning healthy D/s relationship.

Plus the chemistry between Boss and Noeul is outstanding. Top Tier. I could watch them kiss for hours. I WILL CRY IF THEY DON'T DO A NEW SERIES TOGETHER!!!!

Kinnporsche

What can I say about Kinnporsche. One of the best series I have seen, nevermind it being a BL! I came into KP just before it was released so didn't have all the waiting some people did! Phenomenal casting, I don't think there was a bad choice there. Production values are off the charts. Great how they managed to balance the Mafia story with the comedy elements. I am torn about wanting a second season. I mean I'd love to see more and yet live in fear of them not achieving the same level. Sometimes it's best to let it be! Also another entry with a favourite couple of VegasPete, complicated but fantastic relationship. BibleBuild are amazing together and another pairing I hope to see again.

Semantic Error

And we have a Korean entry. This is one of my suggestions to anyone just getting into BL. It made me laugh, the chemistry between Park Seoham and Park Jaechan is amazing. I actually had no idea who they were or that they were in K-pop bands before watching this.

I particularly liked Park Jaechan's portrayal of SangWoo. I read it as SangWood being Neurodivergent and I personally think it's brilliant, especially with the way Park Seoham's JaeYoung reacts to SangWoo. Sometimes frustrated but most of the time accepting and learning to adapt to his thought process.

Old Fashion Cupcake

For our Japanese entry, we have Old Fashion Cupcake. This one hit differently. I've been dying for some BL with older characters and they delivered. What more could you want than a 29-year-old chasing and wooing a 39-year-old who doesn't realise it and also discovers his queerness later in life! It's beautifully done and nice to see people still reaching for something and achieving it when they are full-grown adults! Because you know that's life.

Choco Milk Shake

They sucked us in with the kinky D/s promo photo's and I fell for it! But this has been such an amazing series. Originally slated for a 10-episode run they changed the airing of the last 3 episodes and have snuck in an extra episode! Episode 11 is due to air on the 20th Dec. Episode 10 is 100% the original ending but I think they realised how popular it was and maybe wanted to squeeze out another episode. Plus I know how people reacted to the Kissable Lips ending, maybe Strongberry doesn't want the same outcome!

The casting choices were outstanding. Lee JaeBin is completely believable as a puppy in human form and Kim SeongHyuk as a cat in human form is spot on. Seriously they nailed the mannerisms of a dog and cat.

Interesting how such a comedic show with a comedic premise also somehow manages to deal with loss, grief, and loneliness.

Some honorable mentions: The Miricle of Teddy Bear, Cutie Pie, Dear Doctor, I'm Coming for Soul, Big Dragon, The Eclipse, Plus and Minus, Kei X Yaku, Secret Crush on You

And because they are not finished yet I'll reserve the right to include Between Us, and 609 Bedtime Story at a later date! :)

#slone answers #thai bl #k-bl #love in the air #payurain #bossnoeul #kinnporsche #vegaspete #biblebuild #semantic error #jaeyoung x sangwoo #park seoham #park jaechan #old fashion cupcake #togawa x nozue #choco milk shake

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theflyingfeeling · 2 years ago

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Ending the year with Blind Channel + a bunch of some lovely people, aka not-a-concert-report from the Helsinki ice hall show (29.12.) and Tampere Pakkahuone (30.12.)

(let me know if any of you want your (@)mention removed from this post 🖤)

Not a concert report because y'all know pretty much what happened; this is just my own diary entry about the events 😌

So, Thursday was a bit of a struggle for me personally: there were some surprise changes regarding my train trip to Helsinki that gave me a good ol' spook the first thing I woke up, plus I had a killer headache for most of the day...

...and on top of that I fell! 🙈 We were already inside the venue and on our way to take our spots on the floor. Naturally there were all sorts of electric chords going across the floor, but thankfully they were covered so that people walking normally and minding their step wouldn't stumble all over them 🙏👍👌

Needless to say I wasn't one of them, however 🙃 I wasn't running, I was just walking quite fast, and I totally wasn't watching where I was going, and so I tripped and ended up on the floor and had super minor injuries on my hand and knee (thanks @matelas for the pink bandaid 💗)

My fall wasn't quite as dramatic as Porko's though, gosh what a show-off, can't even fall on his pretty little ass without pyros blowing off 🙄🔥

We weren't super close to the stage, but close enough to see what was happening with our bare eyes, and definitely closer than I dared to imagine in advance! 🤩

The surprise Robin was one of the highlights of the gig, that was truly something straight ouf of fanfiction 😆 I mean, imagine being such good friends with your ex that you ask them to be a special guest in your special show with your new bf's band :')

And the money shooting in the air was a m a z i n g 😂💞💸 sadly I didn't catch one, but @thisisntaparty was terribly kind and gave me one afterwards as a keepsake 🥰 I've put it on the Place of High Honour™ (the fridge door)

(let's not talk about how the setlist was a teeeeeeeeeny tiny disappointment (to me personally at least; I was totally excpecting to hear SLB and many other songs they KNOW are fan favourites 😔), and I feel like the show itself wasn't as special I was expecting it to be 🤔 I mean, of course having Robin fucking Packalén there took us all by surprise etc. but somehow I expected more, especially because the setlist was exactly the same the next day in Tampere (and maybe the cruise show setlist was similar as well?). For example, Dark Side being the ONLY encore song wasn't how I had imagined them to end their biggest headline gig to date)

But, speaking of Tampere, HOLY FUCKING SHIT 😭😭😭😭😭 It was incredible, and not least because we were on 3rd row with a direct view to Olli 😵 @matelas and I competely lost it when he first appeared in front of us, in all his sinful beauty ✨

I had never been this close to Olli's side before, so it was amazing to see his happy face during the songs 😭 You can really see from his whole presence how much he enjoys playing shows, I wanted to ruffle his hair too like Niko did during Glory For The Greedy 🥺

And Aleksi was really enjoying himself as well, it was cool to see him up close too when he came to stand on Olli's platform a few times 🥰 I feel like our eyes met very briefly near the end 💖

Niko did the eeeeeeeeyo thingie, as he always does, and we did the longest eeeeeeeeeeeyo known to mankind back at him, in fact I think you can still hear it echoing inside Pakkahuone! 😌

In both shows (and also in general) my favourite songs to hear live are Don't Fix Me, We Are No Saints, and Balboa; I had so much fun boundcing and partying to those songs 💃 I had made a conscious decision to not film too many videos during either gig, because I truly wanted to take it all in and enjoy the shows to the fullest, but at the same time I wish I had taken just a few more, because watching the videos and sort of getting to re-live the whole thing all over again is so much fun 🖤

Great fun was also had at the very informal, extremely small-scale, and otherwise perfectly wonderful BC tumblr gathering we had after the ice hall show in a bar downton Helsinki, and in the Gathering 2.0 after the Tampere show!! 🥰 You guyyyyyyssssss, both hangouts were filled with laughter and kindness and soft feelings and I was so happy 🥺😭💕

(I DIDN'T CRY, but if I did, it was because @himmelno44 made me!! 😭)

Thanks to BC and their superb energy and songs I probably would have had a great time even if I had gone to the shows all alone, but I gotta tell ya, spending time with such lovely people made it so much better and I had the most fun I've had in a long time 🥺

Special thank yous go to my queuing buddies @ladysorbus and @matelas without whom I would've frozen my ass off and died of boredom while waiting for showtime both days (I'll have you know Envy and I acted so incredibly mature the entire time and totally did not annoy the heck out of @ladysorbus and each other 🥰💞)

Thank you to my BC tumblr meet organizer buddy @sinking-into-mist (the meet was succesful and no one passed out due to anxiety, look at us!! 🎉) and my darling dearest sweetest most loveliest @himmelno44 I miss you so terribly much already and I'm counting the days until we see again, no matter how many there'll be 😭

Thank you to @thisisntaparty (keeping the door open for Stockholm shall we 👀) @mil-peri @madeofbrokenstuff @gingervivilou and @into-the-hell for hanging out, it was so nice meeting you and I'm up for getting together with any of you sweet people any time! <3

And thank you to everyone else I met a little more briefly (but not too briefly to get a hug 🥰), it was great to see you all, mwah mwah mwah 💋

And now the emotional part:

This year's been a bit rough for me personally for various reasons, as there has been a couple of changes that I'm still trying to get used to (+ the always-present feelings of loneliness and inadequacy), but Blind Channel has been this one consistent element in my life this year, something I have been able to escape to when things in my personal life have started hurting too much. Their music and all the content on the side (from the guys themselves as well as fan-made) are one thing, but equally important to me are all the amazing people I have met (in person and online!) and the incredible memories we have made together that have given me endless joy throughout the year 🥺 There have been many, many days when I have felt so incredibly sad and lonely and desperate and the thought of being happy has seemed downright impossible, but during the last two days I have laughed so much and felt such joy that I don't really know how to put it into words 😭 I just want to thank everyone who was part of it, and of course I hope to one day be able to meet Blind Channel in person again too and thank them, for giving me so much more than just the music 🖤

To anyone reading this, thinking I'm crying my eyes out all alone in my apartment, having to continue living my sad, boring life not knowing when I'll see Blind Channel and some of the lovely peeps mentioned above again: I am crying my eyes out, but I want you to know I'm also crying happy tears because of how grateful I am for all these memories, and also that I'm happy to sleep in my own bed tonight and to be eating cauliflower soup and having some fun snacks while watching hockey later, so life's not all bad I guess, even if I have a small wound on my right hand and a bruise the size of Niko's balls on my left knee :')

(last night I was actually so happy that I had forgotten all about the falling as well as the hassle with the train 🥰)

#blind channel #tw flashing #ok to reblog if you don't mind having my emotional rambling on your blog 🙈#not me singing on the video btw #(...i think? 🤣)#happy new year everybody! may there be many BC concerts to attend and fun times to be had in 2023 for all of us <3 #my next live gig will be lost society next month 🤘🖤#btw i may have a new year's themed shitpost coming up later tonight (if I get around to making it) 😏🎆#my concert #gig reports by theflyingfeeling

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nicklloydnow · 1 year ago

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“I grew up in the 1960s in Hermosa Beach, California – a golden South Bay surfer city. My father, Freddy Pfahler, was a legendary surfer who was in Bruce Brown documentaries, including The Endless Summer (1966) and Slippery When Wet (1958). It was an idyllic time, when surfing was our American Renaissance and the lights of consciousness were being turned on. There was so much ritual, mythology and non-traditional religious custom in my life – like getting up at 5am with my father to watch the tide.

(…)

Mary Heilmann, Lorraine O’Grady – in fact, I was in a performance this year with Lorraine, Laurie Anderson and Anohni at The Kitchen in New York called She Who Saw Beautiful Things. It was dedicated to the late Japanese trans performer Dr Julia, who played with Anohni and the Johnsons. And, in 2008, my work was shown alongside Mary Heilmann’s at the Whitney Biennial. I’ve been incredibly lucky to work with some of my favourite teachers and artists. I didn’t care for Joseph Kosuth, though. He once screamed at me: ‘Kembra, what are you?’ At first, I turned away, because his words really hurt me. Then I looked him in the eye and said: ‘I’m an availabilist. I make the best use of what’s available.’ Sometimes, anger can point you in a direction, and that’s what happened to me that day. I invented availabilism because he enraged me.

(…)

My first husband, Samoa Moriki. When I first saw him, he was dancing on the bar at the Pyramid Club in the East Village. We were married and worked together for 21 years. He was from Hiroshima and adored Japanese theatre: Butoh, Noh and playwrights like Yukio Mishima. But he especially loved extreme outside performances, in which people would dive from the sky into pools of water: physically courageous, beautiful acts. Samoa appeared at one of the first Wigstock drag festivals with Lady Bunny and collaborated with the great performance artist Tanya Ransom, who sadly died of AIDS. Ransom was queer but had a child with a woman called Paula Swede. At the time, many of us were gender fluid and simply didn’t talk about it: the language was only just being born. Later, important people like Ron Athey, Bruce LaBruce and Vaginal Creme Davis would articulate it.

(…)

I loved all of Karen Black’s films: she was somehow beautiful yet ugly, and her consciousness was so expanded. One day, Mike Kuchar, the underground filmmaker, said to me: ‘Oh, Kembra: your work looks voluptuously horrific.’ And that’s how the name started. Karen Black actually came to the band’s first L.A. performance, in 1991, and introduced us saying: ‘I’m not sure if this is meant to be an insult or an homage: does voluptuous mean I’m curvy or fat?’ Then she took my hand and said: ‘You’re an artist and this is a creative project.’ She never sued me; she just let me be an artist.

(…)

I do feel the need for community and I believe the greatest changes are wrought through open-mindedness and grassroots activism – the principles of which are still the most vital to me. Important as it is to collaborate and meet others, though, I still spend a great deal of time isolating myself, instinctively protecting this painful humanity. But I learned the value of contrarianism from Lydia Lunch. So, when I crave retreat, I remind myself to go out.

(…)

There’s a very thin veil of freedom and truth over what is currently known as democracy. I would love to invent a different vocabulary for what exists now, but I can’t articulate it today.”

“Perseverance is something I don't think about. I don’t really suggest anyone navigating their work in any way unfamiliar to their own instinctual process. The harm comes when people start doing work for others instead of themselves or by doing what’s popular. As long as an artist stays true to their instincts there’s never a moment of despair. It’s a luxury to be able to do creative projects. Many can’t because they’re taking care of their families or their children. Art isn’t cool anymore, it’s for greedy suckers. Being creative is freedom and sharing what you make is like a celebration of that freedom. But art is for creeps these days, it’s become so disproportionally monetized people feel like failures when they don’t make money. Money has deformed art and money itself should be redesigned. It’s aesthetically so ugly. Change the size paper! Have someone do a sharpie drawing for the 2 dollar bill. The government has been so creative with stamps, they should get creative with money. I’m not sure if I answered that question either.

(…)

The girls of Karen Black I haven’t spoken about enough Christian Music, Alice Moy, Jackie Rivera or Chloé Blackshire. These women have illustrated the songs with costumes and a strong dislike of show business. The show must not go on. We aren’t in the entertainment business, we are just artists who accidentally formed a band that at times has more of an outreach than decorating a wealthy person's home. I like that it’s hard to put a picture frame around what artists do collaboratively. I don’t have a team, a manager, or anyone advising us on relevancy. I don't care if you think I’m relevant. I don’t have a career. I have a life and it’s fun to share things we learn or discover. That’s where art serves its greatest purpose. What else do we do? War? Make prisons for sick poor people or create shit jobs that don’t pay? Being creative and sharing is a benevolent human trajectory that’s difficult to irradiate even under the most heinous conditions. It lifts the spirits.”

“TVHKB is an interdisciplinary rock band established by my first husband Samoa Moriki and myself. We were married for 21 years. The band is named after one of my favourite characters in the 1975 fi lm Trilogy of Terror by director Dan Curtis. In terms of the new album, it took me about ten years to compile the lyrics. I don’t have a label that supports me and therefore I don’t have any time constraints. My last album I shelved and didn’t put out … I guess I’m fortunate because I don’t have people pushing me for management of my time. When I was a child in Los Angeles, I decided that I didn’t want to live on that side of the tracks, in terms of representation and what not. People were always asking me, “What’s up with your makeup?” and “Why do you dress like that?” I’d say, “What makeup? I’m not wearing any makeup, I usually wear full body paint!” [Laughs] It’s a lifestyle choice, I guess. I chose to be who I want to be. I have very intelligent friends and family so I have the tools to learn how to not listen to people telling me that I can’t do what I want to do.

(…)

To me, a renaissance is a golden time when the lights get turned on. I think New York in the ’80s was certainly a golden era, but of course things change. The years leading up to the ’80s in New York saw some really powerful ‘consciousness raising’ changes – those were the years that gave us people like Martin Luther King and Malcolm X and Alan Watts from the ’60s, when lights got turned on. Now, in 2021, it’s really nice to see young people getting to open galleries and run publications, but I think there has been a big change in corporate morality. There is still misogyny and racism here, those things have never been eradicated. I think a lot of larger corporations and galleries now monopolise on this.

(…)

The hard question is: how do we participate in capitalism knowing how virulent it is without utterly starving to death? It’s something young people, old people, everyone is dealing with. Dictatorships and facism have never been absent from the state of war, which transcends the modern day. It’s like that ACDC song, “War Machine” – it’s such an old song but it’s still so relevant today.

(…)

I would say, never compare yourself to other artists. That’s what I tell my students at Yale and Columbia. Be your own kind of artist.”

#kembra pfahler #karen black #voluptuous horror of karen black #art #lydia lunch #music

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aseriesofunfortunatejan · 8 months ago

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I can't help but think it's really fun to theorise about the potential two next Bandori vocal synths, and I decided to write down my favourite tinfoil hat theory.

In Episode 8 of Season 3 of the anime, the bands all stay in hot springs. They're each given a room with a name that's clearly shown to the viewer.

The two first are "POPPY" for PoPiPa and "ROSE" for Roselia. Any good tinfoil-hat wearer will notice that those were the two first Bandori vsynth.

So if we're to imagine that this was on purpose……… or most likely, that the names are inspirations that exist in the writing room, we could have fun figuring:

The order in which they were shown:

PoPiPa (POPY)

Roselia (ROSE)

Hello, Happy World

Pastel*Palettes

RAISE A SUILEN

Afterglow

(Although alternatively, having RAS be the third vocal would be funny because they used to be named "THE THIRD")

2. The possible name for each vocal: - PoPiPa (Kasumi) = POPPY = POPY - Roselia (Yukina) = ROSE = ROSE - Hello, Happy World (Kokoro) = HAPPY (ハッピー Happī) = HAPPY…? HAPY? HAPI? - Pastel*Palettes (Aya) = GARDEN (百花 Hyakka) = I don't know honestly, but it sounds close enough to Aya's name. Though if we're going for an English-sounding name…… still no idea - RAS (LAYER) = WATERLILY (睡蓮 Suiren) = while there's an obvious opportunity to name her "LILY", that name is charged, vsynth-wise. Also, while it may have stood for "waterlily" here, the Suiren in RAS' name means "green bamboo blind". Still, the obvious 4-letter flower name would be Lily, re: how POPY and ROSE were named. - Afterglow (Ran) = MOONFLOWER (夕顔 Yūgao) = Funny opportunity to name her "YouGO!!!!!" but that's just me. Possibly "MOON".

This means that our two potential next candidates are, assuming that Aya is not completely out the window since they only took back her VA recently, the lovely "HAPY...?" and "no idea"!

In all seriousness, unless the animators coincidentally happened to care about the vocal synth part of BanG Dream!'s promotional material, I don't think the order they were shown in means anything - it just had to do with whichever characters were going to be on-screen at that time. It would be extremely cool if it were true, but it would be more likely to happen with a smaller franchise.

When it comes to the names, though, I think there's a chance that they're names the writing room + promo agree on associating to the bands. Especially with how clearly they were shown on screen - they didn't really have to show us the name of each band's room, since it didn't play any role in the story. You're meant to associate these names to them somehow. (Then again, the context of vocal synth might mean steering clear of a name like "Lily" - although they don't have to.)

Since these both have potential names according to my theory, it really would have been cooler if I could have introduced "LILY" and "MOON" as our potential next duo.

#vocal synth #vsynth #bang dream #bandori #synthv #synthesizer v #cevio

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shamelesskimchifiend · 2 years ago

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𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫

So just because I'm running out of ideas on what to post and would rather die than be one of those accounts you thought you could rely on for fic recs but then suddenly goes inactive for 7 years which then causes irreversible trust issues for any idiot who thought it would be a good idea to trust anything to do with me, I'm gonna say a bit about my favourite authors and their best fics.

And yes, I had two shots of espresso so I no longer need fullstops in my grammar, they hold me back.

And no, I did not just use a fullstop.

Also I'm not doing summaries cause Fuck That.

And my definition of a one shot is just like less 30 pages or less not actually one chapter yknow?

lalazee

Okay so my baby girl lala is such an amazing writer and in my opinion captures bkdks dynamic the best of all the fics I’ve read. She somehow writes gripping plots, leg opening smut and the most hilarious banter. Her character construction is incredible. Effortlessly funny and she clearly knows how to write. Her shit needs to be published. #sheismyfavouriteauthorandiwanttotattoohernameonmyface

Quiet Rapture (300k - a/b/o - E)

Blood Moon (100k - Canon divergence - E)

Crybaby (50k - Pro heroes AU - E)

Hopeless Ramen-tic (One shot - Canon divergence - E)

Don’t Watch Your Friends’ Sex Tapes and Other Life Lessons (One shot - Pro heroes AU - E)

Thirsty Gay Wingman Fic (One shot - College AU - E)

EtherealBeing

Just writes good shit. Icebreaker is peak, I would like to sign a petition to get it continued.

Icebreaker (One shot - No quirks AU - E) discontinued

Fire Lily (300k - Heaven & Hell AU - E)

Bluebird (50k - No quirks AU - E)

roadtripwithlucifer

Okay now where to go with this. Rtwl has always been a more intense read. Especially brothers keeper it felt a bit…bitter. But not in the way it lacked plot but the author is so talented they always manage to evoke emotions out of me. I think this author wins really good story progression but then again all these authors write incredible plots. Their stuff usually feels more intense, maybe even gritty, but don't trust me on that because I honestly don't even know what it means :)

Battle of the Bands (170k - Boy Band AU - M)

Intersecting Lines (120k - Canon divergence - E)

My Brothers Keeper (80k - College AU - E)

warschach

warschach definitely has a very distinct way of writing bkdk. I feel like their depiction of bkdk is a little more playful or lighthearted than the stuff with rtwl or lalazee but still constructs great plot and effortless humor. I don’t really know how to put it in words but bakugou especially feels a little more awkward and a little more modernised in their stuff. Yes modernised is the best way to describe it. So basically all the ‘extremities’ of his personality are toned down a little and his character kind of adopts the traits of your typical swag high schooler.

K-9 (20k - Shapeshifters AU - E)

F.U. (15k - College AU - E)

Chewed Up (30k - Zombie apocalypse AU - E)

Pinup (One shot - College AU - E)

Black Light/Passenger Seat (One shot - In UA - T/E)

If ya wanna know more about a fic half of these I've gone into more detail about in other posts

#bakudeku #bkdk fanfic #bkdk fic recs #bakudeku fic

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starlight-loki · 4 years ago

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hc for the morning after tony's party where you found loki drunk and he confessed to you and generally was acting silly, so you thought it was just thor's alcohol. so you get him to his bed, and when he wakes up he is obviously panicking, thinking about how many emotions he showed last night blah blah blah... and then you can make it fluffyyyy

this.

THIS.

THISSSS

Yes times a million, anon! Especially after yesterday’s fic, I’m more than happy to write this happy lil hc

It was Steve’s birthday, and Tony had a brilliant idea that he’d try to give him a taste of home

well, ‘home’ meaning 1940s New York

He had big band jazz blasting through the speakers, cleared all the furniture and installed an actual dance floor in the living room, and even gotten Rhodey and Bucky to help him string fairy lights throughout the Compound

The entire thing was so magical

Tony requested everyone dress formally, and you felt your heart nearly stop in your chest as your gaze landed on Loki

He was wearing, to your surprise, something other than green or black or both

He had on a navy blue suit, and damn you never realized how much that colour suited him

Loki had his back to you as he spoke with Thor, and you allowed yourself an extra second or two to take in how nicely he was dressed

until, of course, Thor caught your eye and started waving at you excitedly

Loki turned around and flashed you a small smile, but not before you caught him also looking you up and down

you told yourself it was just your imagination, and tried your best to stop your heart from racing as you began making your way over to say hello

just before you could approach the two Asgardians, however, Tony started blasting some really lively big band jazz over the speakers, and to your utter surprise, Bucky approached you with a grin

"This was my favourite song growing up," he had to raise his voice over the music as he spoke. "Would you like to dance?"

That boy looked so excited, there was no way you could turn down his offer

Besides, the night was just beginning, you'd have plenty of time to chat (and hopefully dance) with Loki

What you didn't see, though, was the absolute death glare Loki sent Bucky as soon as he pulled you onto the dance floor

moving away from the party, he settled down on a stool at the bar

Thor saw a flask materialize in his hand, and he frowned

but then he followed Loki's gaze, and noticed it led directly to you, as you were laughing along with Bucky and trying to stay in time with the music

Thor realized what was going on, and he had to hide his smile

Because you'd confided your feelings about Loki to Thor once, when the two of you were up early one morning

You hadn't intended for it to slip out, but Thor had asked you for relationship advice with Jane, and one thing led to another and before you knew it you were venting to Thor about how infuriating Loki could be one minute, and how adorable he could be the next

of course, you made Thor swear on his life that he wouldn't say anything because you weren't ready to put your friendship with Loki at risk just yet

When the song finally ended and you excused yourself from Bucky with a grateful hug and a smile, you were surprised to find Thor waiting for you by the edge of the dance floor

"I believe my brother may be in need of your company."

He gave you a wink, and for a minute your heart dropped in your chest

you gave Thor a wide-eyed 'how could you tell him!?' stare, only to have him shake his head

"I still haven't said anything, I swear on my father. But... well, go see for yourself."

Thor left you with a gentle pat on the back, and you frowned as you noticed Loki hunched over at the bar

was he... talking to himself?

"Hey, Loke. You okay?"

your question earned a larger-than-necessary laugh from the god, and he nearly fell off the stool as he turned to face you

"I assure you, Y/N, I'm wonnnderfulll."

"Oh my god. Are you drunk? I thought you couldn't get drunk on Midgardian liquor?"

In response, he holds up a small silver flask, nearly dumping the contents all over the bar and himself while doing so

"It's not Midgardian." he mumbled, winking at you before taking another swig

it seemed as though Loki was getting drunker with every sip from the flask

Needless to say, you didn't stay much longer at Steve's birthday party

instead, you helped Loki up from the bar and wrapped an arm around his shoulder as you half-guided, half-carried the poor guy back to his room

"What happened to you tonight?" you asked as you reached his room. Loki just kinda... fell on his bed with a plonk

"Ye should as' yer boyfrien' tha'"

oh god, Loki was so drunk, you could barely understand him

"My boyfriend- Loki! That was just a dance! Bucky and I are just friends and you know that."

"I want'd t'dance wit'ye first. You look'd sooooo beautiful."

You froze. This was the alcohol talking, not Loki.

"You need to rest," you whispered, stepped towards his door. Loki protested, reaching towards you as if he could somehow pull you back from where he was on the bed.

"No, I need you."

There it was again, dammit. False hope in the form of alcohol.

"I love you, Y/N. Why can't ye see tha'?"

"I love you too, Loki." You whispered, knowing your confession would be quickly forgotten by the Asgardian the next morning. "I just wish you would've told me sooner. And more sober."

You press a gentle kiss to his cheek, and he tries to pull you closer to kiss you properly, but you shake your head and move away.

"This isn't fair for either of us. Come find me in the morning if you remember, okay?"

The next morning, you couldn't help but laugh as Loki stumbled into the kitchen, wincing at the harsh lights

"Rough night there, Reindeer Games?" Tony asked from the table. You could see the smirk on his face from miles away

Loki just shook his head, and instead made his way towards you

Your heart pounded as you recalled what happened last night, but you doubted he remembered

"How are you feeling?" you asked, passing the cereal over to Loki and moving out of his way so he could grab a bowl

Instead, however, he followed you, trapping you against the counter and kissing you passionately until you were breathless

You vaguely registered a clink as Tony dropped his spoon into his cereal bowl, staring at the two of you in shock

"What-"

Before you could even finish your question, Loki leaned in and kissed you again, his hands cradling your face gently

"I remember last night," He said breathlessly. His eyes never left yours

"I remember everything, Y/N."

#headcanon of the day #loki x reader #loki x gender neutral reader #loki x reader hc #loki x reader headcanon #loki x reader headcanons #the avengers #thor #mcu loki #loki hc #loki headcanon #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson hc #loki laufeyson headcanon #bucky barnes #tony stark

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yeojaa · 4 years ago

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( VELVETEEN RABBIT. )

What do you get when you mix Thumper and Bambi? Answer: Jeon Jungkook.

pairing. french lop bunny!jjk x ragdoll cat f!reader.

genre + rating. hybrid!au set in college. super fluffy, a little angsty, with a dash of smut to balance it all out. explicit towards the end because i just can’t help myself. oops.

tags / warnings. honestly, this jungkook should just come with his own warning. but more realistically, mentions of kook using a scrunchie, kook being cute, kook railing his date after using the world’s worst puns... the usual.

wc. 4.4k

beta reader(s). @hobi-gif as always become, c’mon. i’m me. she’s her.

author note. this was written as part of @thebtswritersclub‘s a hybrid fest and is gloriously late (i’m so sorry @ditttiii). i’ve never written anything hybrid-related before so hopefully you enjoy. feedback goes a long way! xoxo

He orders the same thing every time he’s in. Iced Americano, no room for cream, and a single almond croissant. (Every once in a while, he switches it up for matcha but that’s exceedingly rare.) He always pays with a tap of his wrist - a sleek black AppleWatch with rubber band - and flashes his trademark slightly too-big smile. All the girls swoon. So do the guys. Everyone except for you.

He’s unnervingly handsome, with long dark ears that sometimes hang in front of his eyes. You’ve caught him with them pulled back Lola Bunny-style, knotted with a loose silk scrunchie that looks nearly as soft as his fur. His hair’s usually unkempt, tossed into a little sprout of a bun, overly long fringe falling all over his big round eyes. He wears butterfly clips sometimes, though that’s usually on days where he isn’t freshly sweaty and carrying his gym bag. They appear in his hair when it’s damp from a shower, the smell of papaya and honey clinging to every inch of him. You know, because you have a great nose - one that’s sensitive to every smell under the sun but especially his. (You try not to think about it much.)

It’s a Wednesday morning when you notice the change. It doesn’t register at first, acknowledgement coming in a curious sniff at the air. Weird.

“Thanks,” he says like clockwork, a well-oiled polite machine, deceptively slender hands receiving the exceedingly hot cup without a care in the world. He’s got his usual bag over his shoulder - overly big, black, almost tactical - and a pair of comfortable looking pants on that seem more like they belong on your beloved grandmother. Somehow, he rocks it (but he always does). “Have a nice day.”

Because of course he says that. Of course he steals the words right out of your mouth, turns them back on you as easy as he makes your heart rattle around in your chest like it’s a Friday night bingo ball.

He moves toward the bar - he only ever grabs three napkins, tucks them into the slot on the left side of his bag - but pauses halfway there. Rooted to the same spot as always, sleek ears following the imposing line of his shoulders.

One, two—

The thumping starts, so quiet it’s almost negligible. But you catch it, because you always do and because you’re the reason for it.

He turns then, levels you with a look from the corner of those pretty, pretty eyes and you can’t help but laugh, openly, unashamedly, with the back of your hand plastered to your mouth. A true ojou-sama.

His mouth quirks - does that funny thing where he sucks in his cheek then rolls it back out with his tongue - and you think he might finally say something. Call you out for writing his name wrong for the past five weeks, finding more and more creative ways to do so every time. Even occasionally using nicknames - silly things you’d come up with while on the walk home, or during lunch, or in bed.

“Good one,” he states, laugh lines threading over his face, prominent around his eyes. His nose wiggles with the sound - another of his traits that comes out to play often. Your favourite of them all, if you’re being honest.

“Anytime.”

You don’t realise it’s him until it’s too late, until you’re practically running into him, bouncing off the broad expanse of his back with a startled squeak. Lucky for you, you’re quick on your feet, catching yourself before your skull can become too well-acquainted with the red brick wall to your right.

“You okay?” Though he asks, you have a sneaking suspicion he knows you’re not and an even stronger suspicion that he’d been waiting for you, hovering past the entrance of the cafe with his big university hoodie on.

“Barely,” you manage around a laugh, straightening the backpack slung over your shoulders, packed to the brim with goodies you got to bring home at the end of the night and two of your textbooks.

“Should watch where you’re going.”

This is the most conversation you’ve had - ever. But it’s fun, easy, organic and natural. You wonder why that is.

“You should watch where you’re standing, actually.”

He’s so much bigger than you, imposingly tall (especially being part of the Leporidae family) and wide in the chest. Not bulky by any means, but big. Strong. Threaded with a strength you don’t normally see in hybrids of his kind. It probably has to do with how often you see him covered in sweat and panting, basketball hooked under his arm, soccer cleats tied to his bag.

When he speaks again, it’s full of mirth, squeezing his round eyes near shut. “Got a problem with me standing here?”

You nod, solemn as ever (which is really never, but that’s besides the point). “It’s dangerous to block entryways, didn’t you know?” You’re gesturing to the awning, the dark interior just past the window of the shop. “You’re loitering, Jungkook.”

“So you do know my name.” You can tell he’s not surprised - that he’s hamming it up for dramatics, softly pink lips rounded in a little ‘O’. He’s cute like this, you think. Playful in a way you’ve never seen before.

“I do?”

There’s that cheek thing again. It’s even more attractive up close, the shape of his jaw thrown into prominent relief when he sucks in a breath.

“You just said it.”

You nod, thoughtful, finger tapping upon your chin. “I guess I did.”

“Say it again,” he states, expression inscrutable, eyes bright. They’re so glossy even under the dimmed streetlights, impossibly big and undeniable. So easy to get lost in - if your attention weren’t caught by something else.

“What is that?”

You’d noticed it earlier in the day, caught the scent in passing sometime during the early hours. You’d been unable to place it then, too distracted by freshly ground coffee, a girl’s three too many spritzes of Daisy by Marc Jacobs, and baking banana loaves.

It’s heady, masculine. A strong musk that sinks into your nose and makes it twitch, ears rotating as if that’ll help pin the smell down.

“What’s what?” You hadn’t realised how close you’d become, your face five seconds from planting directly into his chest. (It’d probably be nice - you know how soft your school’s merchandise is.) “Are you okay?” He asks because you’re now, actually, planting your face right against the worn navy cotton. It’s terribly nice, silk upon your cheek.

You answer more to his clothes than to him, nosing into the fabric. “You smell different.”

You feel more than hear his laughter, the sound barreling past his teeth seconds later. The vibrations running along his spine jostle you from your position face first upon him but you don’t mind. It doesn’t send you far, dark eyes peering up into the face of the bunny hybrid. True to his kind, his nose is twitching, puffs of laughter expanding his cheeks when he meets your stare.

“No I don’t.”

“You do.” Tone firm, a finger lands upon the neatly embroidered N on his hoodie. The white stitching stands in stark contrast to your baby blue nails. “You smell… off.”

Whether Jungkook’s offended or not, you can’t tell. He’s got that same strange expression on his face - the one from this morning when he’d received his coffee. It’s made up of too many moving parts: the flutter of his lashes, the coil of his jaw, the minute tick of the corner of his mouth. You can’t read him for shit, somehow more confused now than in your 300-level art history class. (You’d taken it as one of your optional electives assuming it’d be an easy A. You were wrong.)

“Sorry you think so,” he hums, looking down at you. You’ve seemed to fully forget the meaning of personal space, edged up beside him as if you’re best friends and not just two ships passing in the night.

“It’s not bad.” Really, it isn’t. It’s strong and sensual, vegetal in a way, calming in another. But it isn’t unwelcome.

In fact, you think you might like this scent a little more - less sweet than what normally clings to his skin, natural honeycomb rather than processed sugar. It zings across your teeth, pieces broken up and scattered behind your molars. You can practically taste it. Him.

“Is that so?”

“Yep.”

You share a look - one that says more than all the words you’ve ever spoken, that threads together all the silly laughter, narrowed stares, (written) flirtations. It settles between the two of you, filling the spaces with something akin to cotton, light and airy and soft.

The desire to speak lingers, hidden just beyond the cotton candy dusting. Should you? Shouldn’t you? You still have no idea what he’s doing here, a street urchin making his rounds on the campus village.

He beats you to it. “Can I walk you back to your dorm?”

You don’t think you could want anything more. “Sure.”

Silence falls again but it’s comfortable, a caress rather than a crutch. The grounds are surprisingly quiet - wayward students on their way to the library or heading home from lectures. There are no picnic blankets spread across the grass, no gaggles of girls dressed in school colours. It feels like the first day of fall, change sitting heavy in the air.

“So—” You start.

He finishes, “do you wanna go on a date with me?”

That’s surprising. (Or is it? You’re not really sure.) You nearly trip over your own two feet in your haste to look at him, entire body swivelling on the spot because apparently you can’t just turn your head like a normal person. Something something all or nothing.

“What?”

“Do. You. Want. To—” He’s being insufferable for the hell of it. You can see it in his eyes, glossy things shining down at you like he’s got the entire fucking nightsky hung in them.

“Not if you keep that up,” you retort, though you both know you’re lying. You’ve been waiting - wishing, wanting - for this moment since the day you laid eyes on him. Since Yuri had elbowed you so hard in the ribs you’d thought you’d be bruised for days, since Jae had rambled on and on for his entire shift about the cute new bunny who’d come in that morning. Since that very first wrongly spelt name on his plastic cup and every visit since.

“Is that a challenge?”

“You won’t get it in.”

He scoffs, loud and drawn out, cheek rounding with disbelief at your disbelief. How can you possibly doubt him - school basketball star and all-around athletic freak of nature?

“What do I get if I do?” The ball rests in his palm, poised to be shot through the hoop, sunk without making contact with the rim. He’s confident - he’s done it a million times.

“A pat on the back?” As much as you tease him - loop mockery around nearly every syllable you speak, you’re endlessly supportive, already carrying the fruits of his labour under your arms. A Pikachu shoved haphazardly into the purse slung across your body, a Snorlax tucked under your arm at an awkward angle that crushes his poor head, a Sylveon tucked into the side pocket of his joggers. (The arcade was really into Pokemon, apparently.) “Me saying thank you?”

“Not good enough.” He leans in close - those big galaxy eyes practically swallowing you whole - and taps a single finger upon your nose. It makes your nostrils flare, an itch blooming under his touch. “Gotta sweeten the deal.”

You must look hilarious because Jungkook’s biting back a smile, smirking down at you. Then, all at once, without breaking eye contact, he’s extending his arm, flicking his wrist, and— swish!

In goes the ball, leaving him with a perfect score.

“I want you to stay the night.”

You think he’s joking. He must be joking. This is your third date.

But he’s staring at you like he’s completely serious, gaze expectant, lips pursed around something that reads like a smile but has your heart doing a strange little one-two step in your chest. It soars for a moment, high above the clouds like the string orchestra of a choral work - Beethoven’s Ninth in D minor.

“Are you propositioning me, Jeon Jungkook?” It’s the same reaction he always has when you say his name: a twitch of his ear, the corner of his bottom lip quirking and then resetting, eyes so sparkly it’s almost absurd.

“No. I’m just telling you what I want.”

“Huh.” You should say no. Guys like him - with charm that oozes out of every pore, whose offhanded smiles break more hearts than you ever have - are almost always bad news. Too sweet, too funny, simply too much for your feeble heart to take.

“Is that a yes?” He’s got you in his clutches - a viper rather than a hare, with a smile so dangerous you’re paralysed by just the sight of it. (Who needs venom?)

Your words catch in your throat, stick to one another like the deformed gummies at the bottom of the movie theatre bag. What comes out isn’t what you expect. “Okay.”

Damn you. Damn him. Damn how good he smells and the big dumb grin that spreads over his lips, sunshine in human form, undeniable and warm and cute enough to start a war over. (That’s probably what’s happening - a vicious battle between your head and your heart.)

Damn his stupid thumping foot that you can make out over the sound of the video games, the boisterous din. It’s so cute you can’t help yourself from smiling, mouth pulling and pursing around the delight that begs to be freed.

“Cool,” he says, and you almost think that’s not very cool. He’s so nonchalant, cavalier about it as if it means nothing. You’d be bothered if you felt like you didn’t know him so well - hadn’t learnt his idiosyncrasies over the last two months.

How he looks when he laughs really hard, his slightly too-big front teeth taking up all the real estate in his mouth. How he sounds when he’s tired (groggy, with a lisp that rarely sees the light of day otherwise) or when he’s told he’s wrong (pouty, with his bottom lip jutted out so cutely you want to scream). How he runs every morning, hits the gym every night, and eats double your protein because fitness, bro! How his cheat meal of choice is soy garlic fried chicken from the place off-campus and he hates tangy, tart desserts (your lemonade lip gloss not included, he insists). How he can’t sleep if he’s too hot - which he often is - and he spends way too long combing through his ears with a specialty brush he doesn’t let anyone touch. How he’s secretly raindrops and gummy bears and hand holding in the car, so much more than his high school superlative of most likely to grace the cover of GQ.

You wonder, because you know those things, does that make you special? Does it make you immune to the heartbreak that you swear you imagine whenever your mood drops (not often, but often enough)?

You hope so.

“Let’s go shoot guns?” He’s tearing you from your reverie, planting an open-mouthed kiss to your temple. It’s sloppy and not very refined, much less suave than what you’d expect from your school’s soccer captain (and basketball small forward and swim team stand-in). You suppose that’s why you like him so much - because he’s always surprising you, keeping you on your toes.

“Let’s.” You agree, letting your date drag you toward the Time Crisis machine. It’s blissfully unoccupied, allowing the two of you to slide into place. He takes the blue gun, you the red.

He squeezes your hip when you take up position, one eye squeezed shut as you look down the barrel of the plastic weapon. “Better not let me die.”

“Better not get shot,” you return.

He doesn’t listen - failing halfway through the helicopter scene, his shot missing and resulting in some sad miserable death in the form of Continue? blinking across the screen. Neither of you mind that much though. He occupies himself on his phone, free hand tucked into the back pocket of your jeans. You play better when he’s not shouting terrible call-outs, nearly crashing into you because he gets so into it.

(How he’s never got a concussion on the basketball/soccer/etc. field before, you’re not sure.)

By the time you’re done - a good five minutes later, you think - Jungkook’s growing restless, tugging at your belt loops enough that you stumble with every shot, nearly knocking yourself out when you have to steady yourself on the centre console.

“Kook!” Your glare is barely that, too affectionate to dissuade him from his childish antics.

He pulls you forward, traps you between his thick thighs, tattooed hands settling comfortably on your hips. “Let’s go home.”

“Someone’s in a hurry.”

Of course, he doesn’t deny that.

It’s not the first time you’ve been over. Not even your second or third. You’ve met up with him before his games, thrown his jersey overtop and helped him wrap his fingers before hitting the court. You’d even had to grab his cleats for him once, running across campus as he did drills in his socks as punishment.

This time feels different. You know why but it doesn’t make it an easier pill to swallow. It lodges somewhere in your throat, makes it hard to breathe when you kick off your shoes and tuck them neatly beside Jungkook’s.

“Are you hungry?” He’s already in the small kitchen, glancing over his shoulder at you as you linger in the adjoining hallway, bag halfway over your head.

“I’m good.” You are, really. You’d eaten one donut too many at the arcade, indulged in a little too much disgusting nacho cheese goodness. You don’t really understand how your date’s still hungry, a cucumber crunching between his teeth when he turns back to you.

Standing there, vegetable devoured in quick, decisive bites, he looks every inch the French lop bunny he is.

You reach him in the same instant he finishes his midnight snack. Arms fold around you like there’s nothing else he’d rather be doing, head dropping to rest comfortably upon yours. Like this, his ears tickle your cheek - velveteen fur lost to the silk of your hair. “Are you tired?”

Another no comes - spoken into the fuzzy fabric of his sweater - and he hums above you, whole frame rattling with the noise.

“No bed then?”

At least he’s transparent, you think.

“One track mind much?” You’re only teasing. A part of you looks forward to… whatever it is that sits over the horizon, lost past the creaky bedroom door and somewhere beneath his surprisingly soft sheets. (You’d asked about them once - he’d told you his mother liked to send him housewares to remind him of home. He was a real mama’s boy that way.)

The monster only laughs, snuggles into your hair like it’s home. “Can you blame me?”

You can’t do much of anything when he’s like this - so utterly adorable and enticing and good for your heart that it feels as if you’ve taken a straight dose of morphine.

“Let’s go to bed, Wookie.” Another nickname, recently coined after you’d spent an evening watching Star Wars for the first time.

“Yes, ma’am.”

You whack him on the way to his bedroom, smack a hand over the arm curled around your shoulders. He pretends like it hurts, howls in a way he he thinks resembles a wounded animal but really just sounds stupid. “Not a ma’am.”

“Sir?” He asks, just to make you laugh.

“If you don’t shut up—”

He pushes you through the door of his bedroom while giggling to himself, sound puffing out of his cheeks. “Don’t be mad, kitten.” The two of you drop to the bed, a tangle of limbs and silken fur and squeaking laughter. “You’re so purr-ty when you’re annoyed.”

He’s doing it again. Dropping those stupid cat puns that make your nose wrinkle, ink-tipped ears folding back against your head.

“I think I’m hiss-terical, don’t you?”

Face adamantly buried into his sheets, you don’t give him the time of day. You don’t even care that your mascara is probably rubbing off against the charcoal fabric, lipstick tint doing potentially irreversible damage. He knows how unfunny you find these jokes, how you’ve heard them your whole life and roll your eyes so hard your optic nerve might sever every time you face another.

What’s the point of sharing your pet peeves with him when all he does is lean into them? Use them against you like it’s the cool thing to do. Make you wonder what you’d seen in him when he was just another customer, another boy in Seoul National indigo and bedhead so dishevelled it begged to be managed.

(You’re not sure why you’re so irritated suddenly, caught in the clutches of a moodswing as you curl into your side and ignore his bad jokes.)

Stupid Jeon Jungkook. Annoying, silly, too-cool-for-his-own-good Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook who makes you second guess your choices, leaves you breathless and confused with just one dumb look. Who has convinced you into his bed and teases you mercilessly, snickering to himself as his foot bounces against the floorboards because he finds himself that funny.

“Baby?” The pet name comes, presses itself past your curtain of hair and invades your thoughts.

You say nothing, adamantly faced away.

He doesn’t like that, sneaking his hands around you and cradling you into his chest as if that’ll lighten the mood. (It does, a little bit, but you don’t tell him that.) “Don’t ignore me,” he mumbles, warmth breath tickling your ears, fingers dancing over the rungs of your ribs as if they’re ivory and not bone, playing a tune only he can hear.

“Stop with the shitty jokes,” you retort. You’re being difficult - can feel the vinegar turning your blood even as he tries to will it all away.

You feel the intake, the rise and fall of his broad chest. You can only imagine how hard he’s biting his tongue, careful to keep his next errant pun at bay. People don’t tell him no - only you. Maybe that’s why you do it, to remind him you’re not just like everyone else.

“Sorry.”

You don’t tell him to show you how sorry— but he does anyway.

You’re astounded by him, utterly entranced by the way he moves. How power runs the length of his frame, manoeuvres each of his limbs and turns your own to jelly.

He’s got you face down, ass up, hands cradling your hips like they’re his home and he can’t bear to let go. Every upward stroke feels like heaven - feels like a million lifetimes of pleasure you can barely wrap your thoughts around. He’s impossibly big, thick and long. The first thought you’d had when he’d stripped his black Calvin Kleins was pretty.

You realise now there’s nothing pretty about him. He’s filthy - the devil come to collect as he fucks you across his bed, nearly loses you to the pillows at the head with each snap of his hips. (What they said about rabbits was true, you think.)

“B-Bunny,” you sob, scratch over cotton that’s worn soft and smells exactly like your favourite sweater of his. The linens are defenseless, tangled up and wrinkled with each flex of your fingers, bunched up within your palms every time he buries himself like he’s looking for the answer to life, thinks he might find it within the fluttering walls of your pussy.

“Not my name.” When he sounds like this, he’s more predator than prey, a thousand volts of electricity shooting up your spine. He’s demanding and unrelenting. It makes your head spin.

“Wook—”

“Not.” Bunny teeth are just as painful as a feline’s, doing their job as they dig into the flushed skin over your back, marking his territory with two prominent indents right between your neck and shoulder. “A.” He ruts into you as if he’s got something to prove, snaps his hips to a beat you can’t keep up with. “Wookie.” Grips you so tight you might snap, red blooming beneath his hands.

You sob under him, drool against the pillows because you can’t seem to keep your mouth shut. (You feel like Jungkook post-win, spewing nonsense as he prattles on about game winning plays with his teammates.)

“K-Kookie.” It’s what he wants to hear - hits him right in the chest, a bull’s eye to the thing that beats wildly and in tandem with your own.

His rhythm stutters. The bed is shaking and not because he’s practically breaking the weak wooden frame. No, his foot’s thumping, bouncing across the sheets even as he tries to regulate the roll of his hips, return it to the assured, teeth-numbingly good tempo it’d been at.

It doesn’t work. You love it anyway. Like it more, because it means he’s just as affected by you as you are him. Your heart sings, leaps out of your chest on hummingbird wings, and dances around your head. You’re a goddamn cartoon - Pepé Le Pew in ragdoll form - animated pink shapes circling like a crown.

You don’t care. You can’t. Not when he plasters himself to your back and asks you to say it again, begs you to tell him how good he is, tells you how he wants to make you his.

Who cares if it’s three dates in, if your meeting was cliched and silly and he’s the campus heartthrob?

You don’t - because he’s yours and when he flips you onto your back and you curl your fingers into his hair, it’s your name he stutters out. It’s you who has him coming apart beneath your hands, the feel of his ears like velvet, the little whines he huffs growing louder each time you tug at the base. It’s you who knows what he sounds like as he falls to pieces, throws himself against you as if gravity demands it. It’s you who holds him to sleep, whose skin acts as a canvas for the doodles he traces as he drifts off.

It’s you and it’s him and that’s enough.

tag list. @neverthefirstchoice @youwannabelostandnotbefound @snackhobi @codeinebelle

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deppsessed · 4 years ago

Text

Good Luck Charm

Hollywood Vampire Series part I

Pairing: Johnny Depp x Reader

Summary: Your lifelong dream to meet your favourite actor, Johnny Depp has finally come true. What happens when you finally come face to face with and manage to impress him?

Feedback is much appreciated

Johnny Depp. Even thinking about his name makes my heart skip a little beat. I’ve been a fan of his for years, seen just about every single one of his movies (and know just about every word in them too). When the Hollywood Vampires had announced their latest world tour a few months back, there was no doubt about me trying to get VIP tickets, but I’d somehow managed to end up with something better. My best friend, Alex, works at the concert venue, and for my birthday, had given me an ‘access all areas’ pass for the show. Not only would I be seeing the concert, but I had full access to backstage. But the thing I was still trying to wrap my head around was the fact that I’d be meeting Johnny Depp.

I’d been thinking about it for months. What was I going to wear? What was I going to say to him? Or would I find a way to make a complete idiot of myself?

Today was going to be the day that I’d finally find out. After days of planning out my outfit, I’d decided on something a little grungy, a pair of ripped skinny jeans, a Jim Morrison t-shirt (to maybe grab Johnny’s attention), leather jacket, and a pair of Dr Martens boots. With it being a Hollywood Vampires concert, it only felt appropriate to dress up a little vampy.

“Y/N! Hey! Hi!”

It’s Alex, and she has her arms open ready to hug me.

“How do I look?” I ask once I pull back and give a little twirl to show off my outfit.

“Like you’re about to catch Johnny Depp off guard and take his breath away.”

I snorted. “Very funny.”

“Don’t act as if that wasn’t the answer that you were wanting!”

I have to hand it to her, she knows me well, but she has been my best friend since we were kids.

“I hardly slept last night thinking about it…”

Alex laughs and shakes her head. I know she’ll find it amusing and pretty typical of me.

“But now you’re here, I can give you the whole backstage tour. Come right this way.”

She ushers me towards a door with the lettering “Artists and personnel only”. After a couple of minutes of walking down one corridor, it opens up to a giant concrete looking area. I’m shown places like the wardrobe room, where all of the band's clothes are already hanging up, ready for the show later. The band's green room, where there are bottles of alcohol ready to be opened. The highlight had been seeing the rack of Johnny’s guitars and better yet, the marked out dressing rooms for the band members. The pre-show buzz was starting to take hold with people running about the place in all sorts of different directions.

By the time that we’re done, it’s time to go to meet and greet. Alex escorts me back down the long concrete corridor, to the meet and greet hall.

“Good luck! And promise you’ll tell me everything later.”

The room is already teaming with a couple of hundred fans, all waiting for Johnny, Alice and Joe to come on through. I’m not feeling nervous, but instead, excited. The room erupts into a fit of screams as the band enters the room. My eyes instantly look onto Johnny. He’s wearing one of his usual edgy Hollywood Vampires outfits with layers of jewellery. He’s even more handsome in person. It doesn’t even bother me that I’m at the back of the line, it means more time to be able to look at, and soak up the feeling of being in the same room as him. It’s endearing watching him interact with his fans because he takes his time and indulges every single one of them. I know that when he eventually gets to me, it’s going to be worth it.

Needless to say, when I’m next (and decidedly last) in line, he’s looking a little worse for wear, as if he’s between needing a good drink, a cigarette and a nap… or maybe all three at once, somehow. I hadn’t figured out what my first words to him were going to be, but I wanted to be memorable. Not just for being the last fan. But for not fitting into all the other conversations that I’ve been overhearing him having. I’m not going to be starstruck, he’s only another person.

“You know, if you want to take a moment for yourself to smoke a cigarette or have a drink, you can. I’m not going to go screaming from the rooftops about it.”

Right away, he’s raising an eyebrow at me, as if he’s uncertain by the invitation.

“Honestly, it’s fine. I’ve got all day.”

I can see the little bit of reluctance disappear from his face, and while he doesn’t take up the offer of a drink right away, he does reach into his pocket for his rolling tobacco -- despite all of the no-smoking signs around the room, nobody is going to be telling him off.

“Do you smoke too?” He asks, offering me the packet. I shake my head and shrug my shoulders.

“I wouldn’t put that stuff into my lungs willingly.” I can see his eyebrow-raising again, he obviously isn’t going to retaliate with anything. I let him light up his cigarette and move for the next subject change. I’ve overheard people telling him how much they love the album, and the fact that they do a mixture of original stuff and covers.

“I love the album, you know, Heroes is my favourite cover because you get to sing…” What I haven’t heard once is the suggestion of other songs. “School’s Out is good, but Poison would sound amazing with you and Joe on guitar. I keep thinking how something by the Rolling Stones would sound cool too, like, ‘Paint it Black’ or ‘Sympathy for the Devil’, kind of feels like it would be Alice’s kind of aesthetic.”

I’m not sure where the apparent confidence is coming from, but I’m happy to run with it, especially when Johnny seems to be visibly impressed by it. His lips pull into a grin, clearly amused by the last part of my statement and what I’m trying to get at.

“I wouldn’t be too fooled by the gothic exterior, he’s a softie, deep down.” He pauses to take a drag on his cigarette. “I’ve always wanted to do something by The Doors… A vamped up version of Light my Fire or something.” Ah, so he has spotted the t-shirt.

“Good choice.” I’m hardly going to tell him that there are plenty other songs out there that I think they could do better, but then again, maybe he’s secretly testing me and wants me to. “Break on Through to the other side would sound even better.”

He’s impressed, the way that his eyes light up really shows it. I can see his mouth open, ready for a response for me, when one of the band's security interjects and places a hand on his shoulder.

“Johnny, I’m sorry, but we’re already running ahead of schedule here-”

He scowls, evidently irritated at the fact he’s being told to move things along.

“I’m sorry,” He pauses and pushes his hand through his hair. “But what are your plans after the show? I’d love to see you at the party and maybe buy you a drink...”

Is this a dream? I’ve got to be dreaming. This isn’t happening.

“I’d love that.” I’m trying to keep my composure and not show my excitement, or the fact I’m freaking out on the inside.

“Great -- what’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

He holds his hand out to me to shake. “I’m Johnny.”

---

The music is loud, or maybe my ears are still ringing a little bit from the concert. The band had been simply incredible! I swore that Johnny had been looking right at me at a few points, and even going as far as to wink. Tonight was shaping up to be something.

Johnny had stuck to his promise and put my name on the guestlist for the show after-party. I was still trying to get my head around what was happening. I was at a Hollywood Vampires after-party, and it was everything that I had imagined it to be. The place was decked out in black and red decor, and fittingly playing old classic rock from the speakers. I feel like I’m standing out a little bit. Everyone seems to know each other one way or another and are engrossed in some kind of conversation.

“You made it,” The voice nearly makes me jump out of my skin. Johnny Depp is standing right behind me. “I didn’t have any other invites,” As if I would have been anywhere else. “The show was amazing, by the way, you were great.” He’s probably had people coming up to tell him all night, but it still feels appropriate.

“How do you feel about meeting the band and then I’ll buy you that drink?” My widened eyed expression is enough for him to laugh. “I’ll introduce you, come on.”

The Hollywood Vampires are standing at the other side of the room, laughing together like a bunch of teenage boys. “Guys!” He holds his hand up to try and get their attention. “This is y/n, the girl I was telling you about from meet and greet.”

He’d been talking about me.

“And the reason that Johnny was almost late!” The band start to laugh in unison and Johnny shakes his head and lets out a defeated sigh.

“This is Tommy, Joe and I don’t think that Alice really needs an introduction...” I shake hands with them all in term, but when it comes to Alice, he’s glaring at Johnny. “Hey!” He objects and again, the band are just about on the floor laughing. Making fun of each other in turn is a thing, it seems.

“I feel like I should be offering to buy you all a drink, what an amazing show you pulled off.”

“Thank you, darlin’, really glad that you enjoyed it.” Alice replied, “But we’re buying you the drink.” We stand and talk for a little while, mainly about music, before Johnny buts into the conversation.

“Now if you guys wouldn’t mind excusing us, I do believe I promised the lady a drink.”

I can feel a blush rise into my cheeks at the realisation that he’s talking about me. “It was nice meeting you guys, good luck for the rest of the tour.” We say our pleasantries and goodbyes. The group disperses, leaving just me and Johnny standing.

“Another admittance on my part, I don’t enjoy these after-parties, they’re too loud for my taste.” He scratches the back of his neck, as if he’s a little nervous . “I know I’m being bold, but would you like to come back to the hotel with me for that drink?”

Pinch me.

Johnny Depp’s hotel suite is bigger than my entire studio apartment. It shouldn’t be a surprise to me that it’s that extravagant, but it’s straight-up like something out of Pretty Woman. It’s a little hard not to stare with your mouth open around the place. Plus the fact, I’m in his hotel room.

“Pick your poison,” He gestures towards the rooms mini-bar, “Or if none of this is suitable, I can call for room service.”

I shake my head, “A bottle of beer is fine, you don’t need to order a bottle of champagne on ice on my account.” Johnny laughs and grabs a bottle of pass over to me, which I twist the lid from and bring it up to my lips for a taste.

“You’re an easy girl to impress.”

I scoff, there are plenty out there that I’m sure would say otherwise. “Somewhat.”

He, too, grabs a bottle of beer and sits down on the bed. We start to talk, he wants to know about my life, my job, my friends... And while I’m more than certain of the fact that I’m boring the pants off of him, he’s listening as if he’s absorbing and holding onto every word.

When I tell him about my love for poetry, his eyes light up in curiosity. “Who would you say is your favourite poet?”

I want to set out and impress him, tell him the name of somebody he hasn’t heard before, but I go with my heart. “Oscar Wilde -- I know, it’s a typical answer but there’s just something about his writing which resonates with the soul.”

“I’d agree, actually-” He pauses to bring his beer bottle up to his lips. “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it’ is one that’s always stuck with me.”

“I can resist everything but temptation.” I grin at him and shrugged my shoulders, always a quote that I’ve related to.

I look back at him, to notice where his gaze is, right at my lips. Before I have a second to comprehend what’s going on, he leans forward, his lips brushing against mine. It takes me by surprise. Johnny Depp is trying to kiss me.

“I’m sorry, shit, I’m sorry. It’s just-” He starts to hastily explain. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I thought-”

He doesn’t get his last word out because I bring my lips back onto his to return the kiss. It’s soft, slow, and tender. I feel his tongue trace along my bottom lip, as if asking to deepen the kiss.

I’m kissing Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp is kissing me.

I don’t know how to comprehend it.

Or how I’m even going to begin to tell Alex when she texts me tomorrow.

#johnny depp imagine #johnny depp x reader #johnny depp fanfic

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onlydylanobrien · 4 years ago

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Coup De Main Magazine Interview: Dylan O'Brien on 'Love and Monsters'.

Dylan O'Brien really, really, really loves dogs. Fondly referring to his adorable co-star as "completely the star" of his new Oscar-nominated film, 'Love and Monsters, O'Brien's face lights up like a Christmas tree when reminiscing about the two Australian Kelpies, Hero and Dodge, who together portray his onscreen best friend, Boy (a.k.a. the best dog in the world).

At the heart of 'Love and Monsters' is this dynamic duo, with O'Brien as Joel Dawson, who in a post-apocalyptic world overrun by giant monsters decides to set off on a dangerous journey to reconnect with his high school sweetheart (played by Jessica Henwick), seven years after the Monsterpocalypse forced all of humanity into hiding underground.

An endearing tale of a wide-eyed boy and his loyal dog, we caught up with Dylan O'Brien to discuss 'Love and Monsters' which was filmed in Queensland, Australia...

COUP DE MAIN: Congrats on the Best Visual Effects Oscars nomination for 'Love and Monsters'! You're in the film, so for the purposes of this interview, I think you can own that.

DYLAN O'BRIEN: Thank you! Oh absolutely, I am nominated. I've been telling everybody: I'm an Oscar nominated actor now.

CDM: You did it!

DYLAN: Thanks! <laughs> It really is amazing.

CDM: It's funny that you filmed this movie back in March to May of 2019, but the whole situation of Joel finding himself separated from Aimee probably feels very familiar to anyone who started a relationship pre-pandemic that doesn't live with their partner.

DYLAN: Yeah, it's really weird. It's really weird how what we ended up going through when this movie was due to come out, how much it related to these themes that we're exploring in this movie. It's a very crazy coincidence.

CDM: Also, the sort of aversion to venturing out again into the outside world, that feels very relatable.

DYLAN: I know. Like when he first comes out of that hatch, he's breathing in the fresh air like it's strange. It's really strange.

CDM: I also thought of the current mask-wearing situation when Clyde says: "You can always tell in their eyes, just look at their eyes." People have had to do a lot of eye-reading this past year?

DYLAN: Right?! Oh, wow wow wow. I hadn't thought about that one.

CDM: One of my favourite things you've ever done is the 'Life Of A Hollywood Actor' video. What do you think the 2021 version of 'Life Of A Hollywood Actor' would look like?

DYLAN: <laughs> Thank you so much, first of all.

CDM: I rewatched it yesterday in preparation for this interview.

DYLAN: No way, thanks! That's really cool. Yeah, I love that character. I want to do something with him. What would the 2021 version be? I think he would definitely be taking the Oscar nom for himself, very seriously - like, the visual effects Oscar nom he would apply as being his, basically, and I think he'd try to bring that up and try to really ride that to get some work. He thinks this is gonna be a big career thing for him, and then he somehow fucks it up by being too overzealous.

CDM: Joel clings on to his memories of Aimee for seven years, replaying them in his mind so he can continue to relive them. Why is it that it's in human nature to mentally retreat into the past for comfort? And to look for a home in other people instead of building a solid home within ourselves?

DYLAN: That's really interesting... I feel like that's something instinctive, especially if you're going through a hard time or especially if something's shifted in your world negatively. I think there's uncertainty about the future and I always find in those situations a common link to wanting to find comfort in the past. I've gone through things, like times like that in my own life, and I've always found that when I've gone through a time like that, there's this level of uncertainty. I think it's human instinct and sort of this instinct to protect ourselves in a way. We're a wild species, aren't we? We're very emotional creatures. I think that's part of what makes humans so special. And instincts like that, to preserve and protect our heart and mind, and to hold on to things like that. And the way we're attached to memories like that and nostalgia. There's a reason these things are a part of our fabric. We're very emotional creatures.

CDM: Do you think that love or fear is a stronger emotion?

DYLAN: Whoah, that's pretty wild. I would say love - only because I feel like it has this sustainable power to endure over time. Whereas fears can be fleeting, and even if it comes quick, it's gone. But then also... yeah, I don't know. <laughs> We're getting deep. Real deep!

CDM: Is love an action or a feeling?

DYLAN: WHOAH. <cracks up>

CDM: I'm putting you on the spot, sorry.

DYLAN: No, no, I'm good! I love it! They're very interesting questions. I'm cracking up at you choosing me to answer these. Fuck. I mean, I think it's a feeling. I believe that, at least. I'm trying to think of ways it could be an action, obviously, but that's not love. I feel like if it's an action, it's something else. There are actions that come from love, but the love, it's a feeling. That's what I believe.

CDM: I always think about how in the TV show, 'Fleabag', The Priest says, "Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is, when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope," which I feel like Joel would also relate to.

DYLAN: Yeah! I love 'Fleabag'.

CDM: It's so good.

DYLAN: It's SO good.

CDM: Clyde says to Joel: "Good instincts are earned by making mistakes." Do you agree or disagree with Clyde's life lesson?

DYLAN: Yeah, I think there's a lot of truth to that, for sure. I think that mistakes absolutely help us grow, in many ways, in terms of instincts and stuff. Yeah, I think that's a wise and sensible perspective to have, especially in an apocalyptic wasteland.

CDM: Do you have any cooking specialities like Joel's talent for minestrone?

DYLAN: Yeah, I've got some go-to's. They're all my mom's, like the things that are nostalgic for me that I grew up with that my mom cooks, like her chicken soup. It's the first thing I do if I go on a job or somewhere where I'm going to be for a little while, just to feel like I'm at home, the first thing I'll do is I'll make a soup and then I'll have it in the fridge for the first week that I'm there. I'll make my mom's chicken soup and it's a really nice comforting sort of a feeling. And chicken cutlets. Two very chicken-y things!

CDM: There's a line I love from the TV show, 'The Good Place', in which one of the characters says: "Sometimes, when you're feeling helpless, the secret is to help someone else. Get out of your own head." I was reminded of it in the scene where Joel is forced to take action against a monster to help save not himself, but his dog. Excluding the life or death element, have you ever felt similarly that it's been easier to help someone else first in order to help yourself?

DYLAN: Yeah, sometimes to a fault. I think that that's something that's been a bit of a learning curve for me, interestingly enough, pretty recently as well in the last year or two, to sort of realise that I need to try to help myself sometimes a little more. I think I have an instinct to help the people that I love and want to be there for them, or even a stranger sometimes, over myself, which can definitely be an interesting quality, but yeah, I think that's helping yourself. Taking care of yourself is extremely important and I think that we all sort of go through our own path of learning the importance of that, and ultimately, too, if you want to be helping others and helping your loved ones, you actually need to be taking care of yourself, first and foremost. Everyone comes to their own kind of realisation over it. It takes time. It takes your 20s, sometimes more.

CDM: Do you miss your dog co-stars Hero and Dodge?

DYLAN: Yes! Yes!! I do. Yeah, I really, really do. And Zelie [Bullen] as well. Their mom and trainer.

CDM: Do you have a dog yourself?

DYLAN: I've got little dogs, yeah. I've got little babies. You?

CDM: I don't sadly, but it's my life goal to adopt a dog one day.

DYLAN: You should. Do you want one? You should get one!

CDM: I'm gonna just tell everyone: Dylan O'Brien told me to get a dog, so I'm getting a dog now.

DYLAN: <laughs> I'm just part of this major life decision for you, forever now.

CDM: Social media can be such a vanity project, but I love that you only have Twitter, and use it mostly just for helping give a platform to important human right issues and sharing your love for Taylor Swift and Harry Styles. What are your favourite Taylor Swift and Harry Styles songs?

DYLAN: Oh my goodness. Like ever? For Harry, from Harry's last album, 'Watermelon Sugar', obviously. I think my my favourite one of his though is... What's it called? I can hear it in my head. They sing it on 'American Idol' all the time.Falling'! That's a huge one for me. T Swift, I mean, it's amazing - give any of the rest of us like six months in quarantine and we look back on it and we're like, 'Shit, I should have done more,' but give Taylor six months in quarantine and she writes fifty hit songs. It's incredible. Off 'Folklore', I think 'Mirrorball' doesn't get enough credit. I'm a big 'Mirrorball' fan. I love 'My Tears Ricochet', and 'Mad Woman', 'Epiphany', 'The 1'.

CDM: Basically the whole album.

DYLAN: Yeah, I really liked that one. There's so many more, but those are my highlights.

CDM: You used to be in a band, Slow Kids At Play, right? Would you ever want to get back into music professionally again?

DYLAN: I still play all the time, and I still play with friends who play as well. Even those guys. They're all still my good friends. We actually had a reunion show in 2019 and it was really cool. We jammed in our friend's garage for our hometown friends. Music will always be a part of my life. I always try to not let it be one of those things that you lose in life. I think that's important to do. If it's not your primary thing, it's sometimes easy to. Often years pile up and then you're like, 'Oh, man, I haven't done this thing that I love in so long, like, I should build that into my routine.' So yeah, I'll always play drums and always jam with friends and play. And yeah, it'd be cool to be in a band again. Maybe someday. Or even just to play a show again, like even just to sit in for someone would be awesome.

CDM: Then maybe you can come to New Zealand on tour.

DYLAN: On tour?! I don't think I'd get to that level, but I like that you have aspirations for me.

CDM: Why is it important to you to use your platform for good?

DYLAN: I think that's influenced by the time that we're in. Also coinciding with a time that I went through in my life and just sort of getting older. And for me, it just feels right in terms of the things that I want to use it for, or try to support, or bring to life, or amplify, or bring a light to, and I guess it's influenced by my own learning and growing and trying to be more involved in this stuff and educate myself on it. It sort of just mirrors that a little bit, and I do think it's important.

CDM: Thank you for your time today. And thanks for telling me to get a dog.

DYLAN: Go do it! Send me a pic when you get them. It was such a pleasure talking to you, thanks so much.

#dylan o'brien #love and monsters #love and monsters press #love and monsters netflix press #taylor swift #harry styles

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nnightskiess · 4 years ago

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‧₊° 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐨𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

‧₊° 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐲/𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

Toni grabbed another handful of pebbles from the beach and played with them in her hands before throwing one out into the ocean every few steps. The sun was on full blast and started to hurt her forehead and thus she was on her way to the little cave that would shield her from the sun — the one she’d found on another stroll. She hadn’t run off this time, Dot had actually told everyone to wait until the sun was less vicious before continuing their work. Toni hadn’t felt like joining the others and apparently neither had Y/N, who had disappeared the moment Dot told them to take a break.

God knows what Y/N was up to now that she had some free time. What would anyone even do on an abandoned island? No matter how hard Toni had tried, Y/N was a hard one to read. She wasn’t as open as the others and kept to herself most of the time, but never disrespected anyone, or treated anyone badly, for that matter. She helped out whenever needed and seemed particularly interested in staying close to Toni, no matter the situation. She hadn’t shied away or looked at her differently when Toni had had one of her anger outbursts and that, in combination with her silent glances and soft smiles, had somehow reeled Toni in. The next opportunity that would arise, Toni would for sure try and start a real conversation with the girl. So far, they had only exchanged ‘thank you’s and ‘can you help me with this’s.

Toni threw the last pebble as far away as she could, watching until the ripple had disappeared. If only their problems on the island, and in the real world, would fade away just as smoothly. She sighed and threw her head back, trying to tame the curly baby hairs on her head and simultaneously hold a hand to her blistering forehead. This heat was no joke.

She wrinkled her nose and squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to look at where the sun stood right now. Probably three more hours before it would take away some of its heat.

Toni reached the small beach and sat down on one of the rocks after splashing some seawater in her face and neck. She took off her damp shoes and socks and buried her feet in the sand. Now that she was finally alone, her thoughts caught up with her and she suddenly realised how Marty had slowly started to slip away. Their friendship had never faltered before, so why would a stupid island suddenly be able to break them apart? If she didn’t have Marty, she would have no one. Sure, the others were nice, but if it weren’t for the need to work together to survive, she would be able to do without them. If she had Marty by her side, she’d be fine with whatever challenge the world would throw at her. Then there was Y/N, who seemed to be someone Toni needed around at all times, too. But if it hadn’t been for Y/N sticking around, would Toni have ever found that out? Probably, yes. Because even though Y/N was quiet most of the times, Toni always caught her eyes slipping and landing on the girl. She always looked at Y/N first when she made a joke, a suggestion or when she did something wrong— ready to see the judgement or disappointment, only for it to never show on Y/N’s face. It brought her a certain form of calmness she needed. Y/N’s smile would not only tell Toni that whatever had happened with the situation at hand would work itself out, but it would also soothe the many burns and scars Toni had gathered over the years.

Toni sat down on the damp sand and started to make random shapes in the sand with her hands, feeling more relaxed as she let her mind go blank. Moments like these were a necessity for her, moments where she could just walk away for a while and be by herself to not get riled up by anything or anyone else. But her mind couldn’t completely shut down this time, as it thought of Y/N. Toni was thinking of what to ask her. She’d been so quiet all this time, how was she supposed to know what topic to bring up? Y/N had never mentioned a favourite band or what she liked to do in her free time. Though Toni would never admit it out loud, this made her terrified to talk to the girl. What if she asked exactly that what would upset Y/N? Something that would spark up a bad memory, especially now that they all needed some more positivity and hope? She couldn’t mess up her first shot of a real conversation with the girl, she was too careful to scare away the only other person who seemed unfazed by her anger issues.

She let out a deep sigh, put on her shoes again after dusting off the sand and decided to walk a bit further— she needed a change of scenery to get it out of her head. However, Toni didn’t get far when her breath hitched at seeing the sight in front of her. She saw Y/N, at least she thought it was Y/N, seeing as she was wearing the same clothes, floating in the ocean a few meters off the coast, face down. Toni’s heart sank to her stomach and she was sure her sunburned face was as white as a ghost right now.

“Y/N!”

She sprinted into the ocean as fast as she could, though her shoes sunk into the sand with every step. The girl still face down, floating around. Toni swam the last part and closed their distance, immediately grabbing the girl’s upper body to try and turn her around— to let her breathe. She had expected Y/N to stay unconscious, having to carry her out the water, but the girl gasped loudly and moved her arms and legs around frantically, frightened by the surprise. Toni’s eyes widened as she let go immediately, unsure of what the hell was happening.

Y/N removed the pink goggles on her face and looked at Toni with the same wide eyes,

“Toni?!”

“Are you okay?!”

The two had now drifted more to shore, where they could stand just on their tippy toes.

“What’s wrong?”

Toni furrowed her eyebrows, “What’s wrong? I thought you had fucking died!” Her voice cracked as she raised it.

“O-Oh...” Y/N looked down for a split second, enough to make Toni panic she had scared her off, too. “I was just trying to stay still to look at the fish...”

Toni’s frown disappeared and she smiled softly at the girl, realising there was nothing to be worried about, “You scared the living hell out of me, fuck you.” She let out a breathy chuckle.

Y/N presented her with an apologetic smile and offered Toni her hand to help her out of the water.

“Sorry... Thanks for trying to save me...”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m glad you had fun, though.” She tilted her head to get a better look at the girl.

Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, “Well, up until you scared me, I did. I thought you were some sea creature or something.”

“Yeah, for good reason.” Toni smiled, “I could’ve been. Please be careful next time, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“So...” Toni chuckled softly, readjusting her wet shirt, partly also because she suddenly became too nervous to say something else and decided to let Y/N take the lead, hoping she could get away with messing with her shirt a tad longer. She crossed her fingers the girl would say something that Toni knew a thing or two about.

Y/N gave Toni a sheepish smile when they locked eyes and looked back at the sea for a split second, “You know, I used to go snorkeling with my parents when we went to Egypt once. In the Red Sea, have you heard of it?”

Toni hesitantly shook her head, cursing at herself for not paying enough attention in class or she might’ve been able to talk along.

“Should I tell you a story about it?”

The girl nodded softly as she followed Y/N’s lead and sat down next to her in the sand.

“Well, I used to be really scared of the sea— in ways I still am, especially in deep waters, but this depth is just fine— so my mom signed me up for a snorkeling tour with a few other tourists.” Y/N snorted and shook her head at the memory, “It was a nightmare.”

Toni listened closely, surprised by the new, more open Y/N that was unfolding right in front of her eyes. She had already said more than the past few days combined.

“I was too scared to go any further when the water reached my waist and I just waddled around through the water a bit, looking ridiculous with my goggles on. Mind you, I was nine... or something...”

Toni laughed softly at the visualisation she made in her head of a little Y/N pouting in the water.

“When my mom found out I had spent the hour doing nothing while she’d paid a good amount of money for it, I got scolded so badly.” Y/N let out a soft giggle but Toni furrowed her eyebrows. Why would anyone scold a girl who was just scared? Even worse, why would her mom even sign her up if she knew she was afraid— it seemed like pure torture.

“She made me do it again a few years later and I must say, if it hadn’t been for the gorgeous instructor I was trying to impress, I’m sure I wouldn’t have gone any further than my waist either.” Toni smiled when Y/N tried to see her reaction. “And in the end, it wasn’t that bad at all.”

Toni cleared her throat, wanting to listen to her talk longer, “What did it look like? Underwater, I mean. With the... fish?”

“The water was so clear. There were a ton of different fish, tiny ones and larger ones, though I still tried to stay away from those.” She laughed. “Some had plain colours and others were a bright yellow or red. And so many different type of corals.”

Y/N’s voice died down, and she looked at her lap, thinking of the distant memory that seemed so far away now, and not only because of the years that had passed. Toni noticed the change in character immediately and bumped the girl’s shoulder in a playful manner, “Did you find that here too before I tried to save you?”

“No.” Y/N looked at her, “Not even close.” She suddenly seemed to realise how close the two of them were sitting and refused to look into Toni’s eyes, growing very conscious and nervous. “But I just wanted to clear my head and feel like I was in Egypt for a moment, not in this terrible nightmare.”

“Yeah, I get that...” Toni mumbled in response. “I was actually... trying to do the same thing, you know? Take a walk...”

“Did it work?”

“Not really.”

Y/N hummed in reply and stared out at the horizon, hoping to see a lifeboat sail their way. But the horizon was empty and dull. The sound of the birds, trees and waves replaced their words as both girls sat in each other’s company. Toni looked at Y/N’s side profile for a few seconds, debating what to do or say next.

“You know, I like that we talked.” She decided on saying.

“Really?”

Toni nodded sincerely.

“I talked way too much, you barely said anything.”

“Didn’t even notice.” She shrugged, “I liked listening to you.”

“To my pathetic, poetic story about Egyptian fish?” Y/N rose an eyebrow and challenged the girl. Toni smiled slightly but remained honest, “Yeah. It distracted me from all the other shit for a while. So, thanks.”

Y/N smiled shyly, “Anytime.”

A few seconds passed before Toni opened her mouth again, “You’re always so quiet. Why’s that?”

Toni’s blunt question took Y/N off guard, though she did her best to quickly form an honest reply.

“I just... I don’t... I never had a great experience with friends. Better to not have them than get left out or hurt, right? Especially when we’re already in this... weird environment.” She decided to not brush things under the carpet.

“I suppose...” Toni shrugged nonchalantly, she decided against asking further. Besides, she was kind of biased, seeing as she often tended to choose to be alone, too. Then again, why did she stick with Toni when she didn’t want to have any friends? The thoughts made her head hurt and thus she started to absentmindedly play with the sand.

“I’ve been on my own for years, I reckon I’ll survive another few days. Don’t you think?”

“You don’t have to be, you know.” Toni looked up and squinted her eyes when the sun blinded her. Y/N smiled genuinely, realising what she meant.

“Thanks, Toni.”

They lingered for a moment in a comfortable silence.

“So, um...” Toni started, bringing her hands up to comb through her hair, “Should we head back?”

Y/N accepted Toni’s help to stand up and smiled softy, nodding in return. The two talked and laughed softly as they walked back to camp, both girls happy that they probably had just gotten a new shoulder to lean on.

#toni shalifoe #toni shalifoe imagine #toni shalifoe x reader #toni shalifoe one shot #the wilds #the wilds imagine #the wilds imagines #toni shalifoe imagines

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engie-ivy · 4 years ago

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Happy Valentine's Day!

Have some Valentine Wolfstar Fluff, with a touch of Jily.

Remus hates grand romantic gestures, but wants to make one, because the person he fancies loves them. Sirius loves grand romantic gestures, but doesn't want to make one, because the person he fancies hates them. James thinks this could be good.

The not-so-subtle art of grand romantic gesture making

“You’re the last person I would’ve expected, Remus John Lupin.”

“Yet here I am.”

“Here you are indeed.”

Impatiently, Remus folds his arms across his chest. “Can you help me, or what?”

“I must say, your request surprises me.”

“They say you’re the best.” Remus replies with a shrug.

“They don’t just say I am the best, I am the best. But you never showed any interest in that before.”

“Well, I obviously do now.”

“You’ve never been a fan of my work, which you’ve made evidently clear, and now you’re suddenly requiring my services?”

“The situation has changed,” Remus replies curtly.

“Enlighten me.”

Remus sighs. “I may not always have been a fan of your work, but I’m not the only part involved.”

“Interesting. And what would be in it for me?”

“Nevermind, Prongs,” Remus scoffs, getting up from his chair. “If you’re gonna be an arse about it...” He moves to walk out of the room.

“No, Moony! Wait!” James exclaims. “I wanna help! I’m sorry, I’ll stop being a twat.”

Remus sits back down, but doesn’t stop glaring at James.

“So,” James says. “You want my help planning a grand romantic gesture for Valentine’s Day?”

Remus shrugs, feigning nonchalance. “If anyone knows anything about grand romantic gestures, it’d be you. You make several per year.”

“And you were never impressed by any of them!”

“I said I’d prefer something small and intimate myself,” Remus counters. “I never said they weren’t impressive. That time you somehow managed to cover the girls’ dormitory in white lilies was quite admirable. Or the time that flock of birds followed Lily around all day, singing love songs, that was sweet. Annoying, but sweet. Or that time those fireworks first spelled Lily’s name, and then exploded into tiny pieces of paper, each containing a compliment for her, now that was impressive!”

“Ah yes,” James muses. “Some of my best work. But that still doesn’t explain what made you change your mind.”

“Well,” Remus says hesitantly. “There’s this person...”

James perks up at this. “Oh? You have a person?”

Remus’ cheeks colour. “It’s just this person I like, I mean really like, who loves grand romantic gestures.”

“But if that’s not your thing...”

Remus shakes his head. “It’s not about me. I want to make this person happy, so it’s about what this person wants.”

James gives Remus a sappy smile. He can’t refuse when romance is involved, not that he wants to. “Alright, Moony. I’ll take your case! With my help, you’ll dazzle your person!”

Remus gives him a grateful smile, but it immediately disappears again when James asks “So, who is it?”

His eyes widen. “I’m not telling!”

James practically pouts. “Oh, come on, Moony! You’ve told me this much already.”

“No, I can’t, I won’t. You... might talk to the person.”

“If I know your person, even better!” James says. “I can more easily personalize the gesture!”

“Please, Prongs,” Remus says pleadingly. “I’m almost positive that this person doesn’t have the same type of feelings for me, and I don’t want to think about that. I just want to do something nice for Valentine’s Day, and make this person happy, like this person deserves. Even if you figure out who it is, I don’t want to talk about it or hear your opinion about it. I just need to do this, to show how much this person means to me, and that’s it. I don’t expect anything to come from it.”

James stares at Remus for a moment, at the desperate, yet determined, look in his eyes. He sighs. “Okay, but you need to give me something to work with. Favourite colour, favourite animal, favourite food, favourite music?” James grabs a quill and a piece of parchment to note it all down.

“Favourite colour is golden, as it’s warm and reminding of Gryffindor. Has a weak spot for dogs, any kind of dog. Loves Pumpkin Pastries, preferably with that strong cheese, and is obsessed with Muggle candy bars, as they were never allowed growing up. Pretends to listen to The Blasting Skrewts, but secretly adores all the happy, romantic songs of the Muggle band The Beatles,” Remus says in one breath.

James holds the quill motionless above the parchment, not having written down a word, as he stares at Remus open-mouthed. Remus’ face has gone bright red as he looks down at his hands, refusing to meet James’ eyes.

I don’t want to talk about it or hear your opinion about it.

Remus’ words echo in James’ mind. He scrapes his throat. “So, eh, dogs, you said?”

Writing everything down suddenly seems a lot less urgent, as James has a strong suspicion he already knows quite a lot about what this person likes and dislikes.

James is sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the fireplace in the common room, playing chess with Peter, but his mind isn’t on the game. Remus is sitting on the couch reading a book, while absentmindedly threading his fingers through Sirius’ hair, who is lying on his back with his head in Remus’ lap.

It’s not weird to James. Remus and Sirius are always close together, like this, or sitting with their legs pressed against each other, wrapping an arm around each other, resting their head on the other’s shoulder.

Suddenly, though, it seems weird to James that he never thought it weird. He’s used to it when it’s Remus and Sirius, but he certainly doesn’t know any other friends who act so affectionately.

And then there’s the look. The look Sirius is giving Remus right now. The soft smile and the expression in his eyes. He looks at him fondly, admiringly, lovingly.

James is often called a mother-hen by his friends, and he always scolds when they do so, but in truth, James actually is very protective over his friends, especially Remus and Sirius. They’ve been through enough. Remus with his lonely childhood and painful condition, Sirius with his loveless childhood and abusive parents. James will be damned of he’s going to let anyone break their hearts, and whoever they start dating, it won’t be easy to gain the James Potter Seal of Approval.

But while thinking about who’d be good enough for his friends, he never considered this. But this, this could be good.

James is flipping through a catalogue. He doesn’t need to buy lilies this time. Perhaps roses? They’re cliché, sure, but set a romantic mood like no other. Definitely no rose petals, that’s more suited for private occasions.

Sirius plucks the catalogue out of his hands and flops down next to him on the bed. “Got any idea yet what you’re going to do for Evans this year?”

“No,” James says, resting back against the headboard. “I’ve been... busy.”

“Mmm,” Sirius replies absentmindedly, while flipping through the catalogue. His eyes remain on an add for floating candles for a moment, and James makes a mental note. “I love grand romantic gestures,” Sirius sighs.

“Well,” James says, taking the catalogue from his hands. “Maybe you can soon make them for the person you like.”

Sirius lets out a short laugh. “Not if that person hates grand romantic gestures.”

James rolls up the catalogue and smacks Sirius over the head with it. “Are you saying you have your eye on someone?” He gasps. “Padfoot, don’t tell me you’re seeing someone!”

Sirius throws a pillow at James’ head. “Don’t be daft, Prongs. Like I could be dating someone without you knowing.”

There’s a silence, in which James watches Sirius worryingly bite his lower lip.

“But,” he eventually says, hesitantly. “There might be someone that I... fancy.”

“Oh?” James says, sitting up more straight.

“”Yeah,” Sirius says with colouring cheeks. “But like I said, it’s someone who hates grand romantic gestures, who would prefer something small and intimate.”

“But if grand romantic gestures are more your style...”

Sirius shakes his head. “It’s not about me. I want to make this person happy, so it’s about what this person wants.”

James can barely contain his grin. Where has he heard that before?

He pretends to focus on the catalogue, but in reality he’s carefully watching the expression on Sirius’ face. “I suppose grand romantic gestures aren’t for everyone.” He tries to sound as casual as possible. “Some people would probably prefer something like, I don’t know, snuggling up together with a good book, drinking hot tea and eating chocolate?”

That fond smile is back on Sirius’ face, and he speaks without seeming to realise. “Yeah, he’d love that!”

James smiles to himself. Yes, this could definitely be good.

James is glad that he didn’t go with roses, but the floating candles are definitely a nice touch, spreading a soft light over the pile of blankets in front of the fire place. The huge stuffed dog wearing a t-shirt saying ‘Will you be my Valentine?’ is the exact right amount of cheesy. There’s a warming spell cast over the tray with Pumpkin Pastries, so they won’t cool down, and candy bars are spread all across the blankets. ‘Love Me Do’ from The Beatles is softly playing in the background.

Many other Gryffindors in the common room are giving the scene appreciating glances. Remus had wanted to set it up in their dorm, but James had convinced him that doing it publicly was part of the charm. It showed that you wanted the whole world to know how much you cared about your person.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Remus mutters nervously beside James.

“Nothing says romance more than a public declaration!” James says.

“Nothing says embarrassment more than a public rejection,” Remus argues.

James rolls his eyes. “I’ve been publicly rejected a great many times.”

“Yes, but you’re-” James looks at Remus with a raised eyebrow. “Special,” Remus finishes.

“It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks!” James says. “You’re showing the person you love how much you care, and that’s the only thing that matters.”

A soft smile appears on Remus’ lips.

“Now,” James pats Remus on his back. “You said your person will be here at four, right?” That happens to also be the time Sirius comes back from Advanced Arithmancy. “Well, I’m going to check real quick if-”

“James, can I tell you something?”

“We don’t have much time left, but we can talk tonight, or tomorrow morning if-”

“It’s Sirius!”

“So serious it can’t wait a while longer?”

Remus shakes his head. “No, I mean, my person, this person, it’s Sirius.”

James blinks at him. “Moony, did you really think I didn’t know that already? I helped you decide what dog looked most like Padfoot, I found Sirius’ Beatle records for you.”

Remus shrugs. “I thought you’d surely speak up if you knew. Tell me I’m being an idiot, that Sirius definitely doesn’t see me like that, that I should find someone not so obviously out of my league. And when you didn’t say anything...”

“You asked me not to say anything!”

“Yes, but I didn’t think you would’ve listened if you knew it was a hopeless crush on your best friend!”

“Moony,” James runs a hand through his hair. “Do you honestly think I’d let you do all of this had I thought it was hopeless?”

Remus just shrugs again.

“Look, Remus,” James says solemnly. “I’m not Sirius. I mean, I’m serious of course, but not Sirius. I can’t give you any answers or make you any promises, only he can do that, but I can tell you that I wouldn’t have let you gone through with all of this if I hadn’t thought you had a chance.”

“What’s this?”

James spins around to see that Sirius has climbed through the portrait hole. “Prongs, is this one of yours for Evans?”

“Nope,” James says. “This isn’t mine, and not for Evans. It’s for you.”

Sirius’ eyes widen and he looks again, this time taking in all the details that are exactly adapted to all his favourite things. His eyes widen even further. “Wow,” he whispers in awe. “Who...?”

“Turn around,” James grins.

Sirius whirls around. Remus is standing there, face flushed, holding a bouquet of roses (alright, maybe James didn’t go without roses completely). Sirius’ mouth drops opens and it’s hard to tell who’s blushing more, Remus or Sirius.

“Hi,” Remus says. “Hello. Hi. How’s it going? Nice to see you.”

James had told him to give the flowers first, with good reason, as Remus in his nerves is already subconsciously plucking the petals off.

“I like you,” Remus says. “I mean, of course I like you. We’ve been friends for years. It would’ve been rather odd if I never even liked you.”

James has to resist the urge to face-palm. He knew they should’ve written a speech out. It takes away the spontaneity, but at least it prevents this.

Remus lets out a deep sigh. “I like like you. To be honest, I’m quite smitten with you. I know how much you like grand romantic gestures, so I just wanted to give you one of your own. You deserve it, Sirius. You’re bloody great, you know that? Of course ridiculously good-looking, with those eyes, that hair and that smile. But also because you care so much. No matter what you do, you always give it your all. There’s nothing I admire more than the way you fight for what you believe in. What I love most, though, is how bloody happy you make me. You somehow make me feel good about myself, more than I ever thought possible. Knowing that you’re always there for me gives me more confidence than I even knew I had in me. You make me smile even on my worst days. I just want to make you happy the way you make me happy. I don’t expect you to feel the same way. This might not be what you had hoped for, I’m probably not who you wanted to do this, but I just want to make you smile in return, and let you know how much I appreciate- Padfoot? Padfoot, why are you crying? Please don’t cry! I wanted to make you smile! Do you hate it? Is this not what you wanted? Did I do it all wrong?”

“Remus, you absolute idiot!” Sirius says with a sniffle. “I’m crying because I’m happy! What else am I suppose to do with you saying all those outrageously, ridiculously, wonderful things?”

“So you do like it?”

“Like it?” Sirius shakes his head. “I love it, you bloody dunce!”

Remus still looks hesitantly. “So I didn’t do it wrong?”

Sirius laughs through his tears. “You did nothing wrong. Except maybe the part where you said you’re not who I wanted to do this. Of course I want it to be you. It’s you, Moony. Only you. It’s always been you.”

“Really?” Remus’ voice trembles.

“I’m completely gone for you, Moony.”

Remus face lights up in the brightest smile James has ever seen. He just stands there, beaming at Sirius.

Eventually, Sirius let’s out a shaky laugh. “Aren’t you supposed to be holding me or something?”

Remus drops the roses, which is probably for the best, and rushes towards him. His arms wrap around Sirius’ waist and Sirius’ arms wrap around his neck, while he hides his face against Remus’ shoulder.

Cheers erupt from the people watching, but Remus and Sirius don’t notice, being in their own little world as they are. Sirius lifts up his head, meets Remus’ eyes, and the next moment, with the sound of even more cheers echoing through the room, Remus kisses him.

James starts shooing people out of the room. That’s enough for the public part.

“Was this your work?”

James spins around to see Lily stand behind him, arms crossed over her chest.

“It was Remus’ idea,” James says truthfully. “But I helped with the execution.”

Lily takes a few steps forward and looks up at him with those magnificent, enchanting green eyes.

James has trouble remembering how to breath.

“All this,” Lily sighs. “And all I got was a box of chocolate.”

“I’m sorry!” James blurts out. “I was busy! I just didn’t have time...”

Lily chuckles, leans forward, presses a kiss against his cheek, and whispers in his ear. “You better up your game for next year, Potter.”

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