#especially because it always resulted in like; half of the people agreeing there should be some sort of talk with the Hornets in particular

[starstruckbyacomet]

REVIEW: 9-1-1 Season 8 Never Finds Its Rhythm

I just read a review of 9-1-1 Season 8 by Katey Stoetzel. Once again, I agree with every single thing she wrote.

It actually makes me sad, because these are some of what she mentioned:

For much of this season, it didn’t seem like there was ever a plan in place. Many ideas feel hastily thrown together and fail to deliver on a larger scale.

Episodically, the season succeeded more than any overarching story.

A lot of Eddie’s story this season feels like a result of not knowing what to do with him, and it’s become very obvious on screen by how little effort is being put into writing him a decent storyline.

For Hen, the rest of 9-1-1 Season 8 was a series of inconsequential moments.

Maddie and Chimney (Kenneth Choi) also lacked in their stories this season, hardly getting much to do in the first half. (Because Brad Torrence took up most screen time in the first half of the season 😒)

9-1-1 never seems interested in exploring their characters to that level of depth in 9-1-1 Season 8, especially for Buck.

Great performances kept 9-1-1 Season 8 tethered while its storylines didn’t. (Exactly! The writing is garbage in many ways. If the show didn't have exceptional actors, it would not survive this long).

However, what hit me the most is this paragraph:

If 9-1-1 Season 8 gets credit for anything, it’s for boldly killing off a main character. Bobby’s death, while tragic, was the most interesting thing this show has done in a while. It shakes up the status quo for every character, something 9-1-1 needs. But by the end of the season, it ultimately falls flat. The three-episode grieving arc to close the season did not live up to expectations, much like the rest of what 9-1-1 Season 8 promised. 

Bobby's death is arguably the most important storyline in the show so far. In my opinion, it's even more important than the Begin episodes. This is the one storyline where Tim Minear was supposed to deliver his best. Yet, the landing is still flat and disappointing.

I've seen a lot of major character death and the subsequent grief in other TV shows. They are always handled with care. Although heartbreaking and often devastating, those storylines are among the best I've ever seen, except this one.

If this is Tim's best effort, I have little confidence in how he will deliver Season 9 and beyond. Especially because I suspect that he was forced to let Peter go. I don't think Tim actually has a clear path about what to do with the remaining characters after Bobby's gone.

There are moments when I feel that Tommy Kinard is trapped within this show. This is one of those moments. Tommy is a great character, and he's held hostage by a mediocre writer whose writing is so unreliable, that he has to rely on gimmicks like outrageous disaster scenes and shipbaiting to keep people interested.

Tim's shipbaiting has ruined several characters in the show. He made some fans dislike Maddie. How come Maddie told Buck to call Eddie, but when Buck asked her should he call Tommy, she told him to learn to live alone? Didn't she just tell Buck to call Eddie? So, she thinks it's better for Buck to live alone than being with Tommy, but Buck doesn't have to live alone when he could call Eddie? If Maddie doesn't like Buck to be with Tommy, she needs to say it out loud. No need to use 'Buck has to learn to live alone' as an excuse. It makes her look like a wishy-washy character who lacks a backbone.

Tim also made Buck a man-child who couldn't decide for himself when it's about Tommy. After Tommy broke up with him, Buck repeatedly asked other people whether he should call Tommy or not. Why couldn't he decide for himself? Then he used Tommy as distraction from his loneliness, and hurt Tommy's feeling by making Tommy feel like a cheap hook up. After that, instead of apologize, he only called Tommy when he needed a favor. Tommy deserves a better partner than this Buck.

Last but not least, Tim ruined Eddie's character because of his baiting. First he made Eddie hurt — and ultimately broke up with his girlfriends, using Eddie's undying love to Shanon as an excuse. It seemed romantic in the surface, but actually he made Eddie look like an asshole. I think Tim just wants to make Eddie perpetually single to feed the Buddie delusion. It's also why he made Buck usually dumped by his LIs.

However, after the backlash, ABC seemed to oppose the Buddie baiting. Then the show took a 180⁰ turn. Eddie repeatedly became hostile towards Buck, probably to thwart any romantic accusation about them. Unfortunately, once again the show made Eddie look like an asshole in the process.

At moments like this, I half-wish that Tim let Tommy go with a happy ending, so I can also let this show go. The fanfictions treat him better than this mediocre show anyway.

[thealogie]

Gotta preface it with ‘I’m not from the US, so obviously don’t understand lots about how election results affect everyday life of people living there’. Also, if I suddenly, still being myself, became a US citizen with a right to vote, I can’t imagine voting for Trump. Saying all that, I don’t think labelling half of the country, tens of millions of people, genuinely evil is very productive or even mentally honest.

I am from the part of the world, which suffered from both republican and democrat US administrations, and lately most of the geopolitical games resulting in tons of blood, have been played, obviously, by democrats. I have to say that I find their utter hypocrisy deeply disgusting. At least your republicans, how I see it, don’t even mask being monsters, they say it like it is. When two negotiating sides state their goals outright, it is possible to come to an agreement at least marginally better than when one side is always being two(3,4,5)-faced, making a point to wrap their actual goals (if they even know them) in pretty words about democracy while double-crossing their negotiation partner even before the ink has dried.

I know that you’re from Iran and are aware of how deeply destructive US foreign policies can be, increasingly so since the start of this century. With one caveat that Trump seems to be especially hostile to Iran, and a democrat would’ve been marginally better when it comes to the US policy regarding Iran. It’s not the same for all parts of the world though, so we might not all be unbiased observers here.

I know that foreign policy doesn’t decide US elections, I only wrote this longwinded nonsense to say that maybe there are solid reasons for half of the US to prefer Trump and reject the democrats, like for the rest of the world there are reasons for either. Economic, political, whatever. Maybe liberals should look into these reasons before dismissing millions of people as genuinely evil, like Hillary did in her time. Idk about you, but when she called half of the country ‘deplorables’ or whatever, no one I know and no one I read (not from US) felt sympathetic. It just sounded incredibly entitled and delusional, and plain dumb. And it looks like since Hillary democrats haven’t learned or even attempted to learn anything, it’s still ‘half of our nation is broken and evil and we can’t do anything about it’. But it’s not how people work, in my opinion. Yes, they might not care about minorities first, they might care about themselves first, but doesn’t it mean that politicians should identify their problems and offer solutions? Isn’t it how it works? Dehumanazing Trump supporters will only radicalize them more, isn’t it what in fact happened, and how it always works with people in general?

Idk about life inside the US, like I said, but how I see it, the only ones to blame here are democrats and liberals in general. If people in the world, and I’m sure inside the US, will see that they finally start addressing the problems instead of hiding behind empty rhetoric, if the level of hypocrisy and delusional entitlement decreases at least to some degree, the support for right-wing populists will also decrease, I’m sure of it. Because most people are not ‘genuinely evil’, but they become embittered and cruel when their concerns are continuously dismissed, things start to fester resulting in ugly political outcomes. I mean, I know you know all this, sorry for being so boring and longwinded. It’s just that I usually like your takes (I came for MASH and stayed for the neighbors as well), including political ones, but here I got a bit of a whiplash, sorry.

I appreciate this thoughtful note. You don’t have to like my takes for us to be on friendly terms. And to be clear I do forever and always blame democrats and liberals for not energizing the people who agree with them.

But as you say you don’t live here and so there’s no way for me to convey to you without asking you to spend months reading right wing political accounts here and talking to people here that a sizable number of the people who support this man are genuinely bad people and want me and people like me out of this country.

This comes from hundreds of personal encounters over the past 8 years and spending the past three months reading dozens and dozens of pieces of reporting that are like “I went to talk to voters in a small town, here’s what they had to say.” And the things you hear are: purge this country of immigrants, make America a dominating force in the world again, get us back to traditional values where women are popping out babies…oh yeah and also the economy would be better under him.

Like idk what you want me to call sexist, homophobic, white supremacists but I think they are evil. And I think it used to be that the Republican Party was more polite about all of these beliefs so I could understand people being disaffected and voting for them for reasons other than hating other humans but now we’re just saying the quiet part out loud and there’s no plausible deniability

[margaretkart]

Book review

When gods still walked the Earth, a king could pray for a sign and have a white bull rise from the sea to confirm his claim to the throne. But a god's price was high, and when Minos did not keep his promise to the god Poseidon, the god meddled with Minos' wife...and the Minotaur, a child with the head of a bull, was born. The question is, did Poseidon intend his son to be worshiped as a new god, or is he the god's curse on Knossos, a monster that will destroy it? Ariadne was the Minotaur's half-sister, the only one who would touch him and care for him when he was born. She was also high priestess of Dionysus, sworn to interpret his Visions, but one Vision destroys her peace. Dionysus Sees that the bull-head must die or bring disaster upon the realm. Can Ariadne agree to the slaughter of the deformed half-brother who clings to her as the only one who cares for him? Can she protect the Minotaur in defiance of Dionysus' vision and dare the god's wrath? Should she?

My review (Spoilers ahead!!)

So i read this book with low expectations at first because I am always suspicious how a retelling can hold up the original myths. This one was a pleasant surprise especially for me who loves a Dionysus/ Ariadne story.

The myth changes a crucial part by having Ariadne meeting Dionysus very early on in the story to be his priestess, before even Asterius is born. So the story has them showing their relationship blossom over the years, instead of meeting her on Naxos.

Dionysus appears both in a terrifying presence to the humans as he's showing his more soft side when it comes to Ariadne. He both shows anger and joy and he has his own character development over the book which was refreshing showing his complexity. The thing that worried me was his use of powers like the vision that he could share with his priestess but thankfully it was used well.

Ariadne has agency and a personality relatable as a protagonist. She's a kind soul who wants the best for her people, but she also gets shy, angry, frustated when she's facing a challenge. Amidst all of this she finds courage to stand up to herself without needing to be "badass" warrior, but by showing her soft nature and that kindness is not weakness. She's also a good sister to Asterius (Minotaur), she treats him as her brother to the very end when everyone saw him as a monster.

Her mother Pasiphae is not the villain thankfully. Yes she has moments of acting selfish and egotistical due to her pride but it was a relatable way of showing complex relationships between mother and daughters. King Minos the same he was a complex character that made mang mistakes that resulted to where they putted themselves in.

What i also liked but was worried about it's the lack of love triangle! I expected due to Ariadne meeting Dionysus sooner would result in a cliché love triangle but no! Theseus is being helped to win the Minotaur with Ariadne but he already eyed her sister. It was a suprise approach to no make him the "bad" boy in her life but it was a welcome one 😌.

Dionysus and Ariadne's relationship was the best part of the book. From their first meeting they already had undeniable chemistry, always soft and gentle to eachother with mutual love and respect that only grew stronger the more years they knew eachother.

A solid 8/10 for me!^^ (would love more scenes of them and expand their relationship)

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hey, so I'd like to start off this by saying that I'm very certain that I'm straight.

But.

I find most of your comics very relatable, especially the ones where you struggle to understand how people try to put romance/sex everywhere and make it the central part of their lives.

Like, I've had conversations with my friends who seem to think that not finding a romantic partner is some sort of personal failure or a life not worth living.

And like, i get the appeal of romance and sex. It's there for me too, but. There's also video games and books and food and cats and looking at the stars. Why spend so much time and effort on this 1 thing?

One guy i know even said to me that he's only pretending to be friends with girls if he thinks it increases his chance of finding a girlfriend. Like, he's given up on being friends with half the population just for that?! I can't understand that at all.

Sorry if i ranted for too long, but do you have any idea why im like this or they are like that, it's really been bugging me recently.

Thank you so much for reaching out!! Honestly, it's always a relief when someone who doesn't identify as ace related to those things I express. Because yeah, I don't believe that should be an ace-only thing, really!

I've got guy friends, most of which are very supportive of my queerplatonic partner and I, and have been supportive of me being asexual before that. But people like that one guy you mentioned are why I always have that conditioned initial sort of "fear" of guys in the back of my head, and I hate it.--" It makes me implicitly disrespectful of guys who may mean me no harm or have zero ulterior sexual or romantic motives. I'm very glad I have those friends as proof that not everyone thinks this way – and I'm very glad I have those friends overall because they really rock.

But yeah, I honestly don't get the whole idea of why it's portrayed as so freaking crucial to the human experience as if it were an obligation. There could be many reasons. On the one hand, I guess being romantically or sexually excited brings in levels of dopamine that act pretty quick and hard and that might be why people latch on to it – my bad if I misunderstand that, I'm definitely not a sciency person, and I don't understand those appeals at all as an aro-ace, so I might be totally wrong about this. On the other hand, there might be a result of deep-rooted societal and traditionalist constructs of "people must get paired and make lots of equally traditional babies". Though not everyone agrees with traditionalist principles, and yet a lot of people will hyperfixate on those ideas of love and sex as ultimate single ideas anyway. So I'm not sure. I'm one of the least well positioned people to get it, really TwT But it's always a big reassurance when other people of any orientation take a look at the situation and are like "that's not all there is". I truly appreciate it.

[nereidprinc3ss]

sam. question 4 u. obv lotsa ppl consider spencer to be autistic and i cant necessarily say i dont agree with that (cus i mean look at him lol) BUT here's my question:

obv since hes literally a genius he didnt go thru school the same as most of us n he got bullied a ton so he didnt really have the opportunity to develop socially like other ppl. so that's probably why he doesn't quite understand or follow social cues v well and info dumps a lot etc (esp in earlier seasons) (and also we see him doing less of that as the show progresses and he gets more used to working with ppl in a "socially acceptable" manner which could be seen as masking but also just learning how to work with other people more efficiently idk) SO do we think the traits that he has that could be considered autistic could also possible just be a result of being socialised differently bc he didn't really have the chance the learn how to read social situations in the same way as most ppl bc he didnt have many friends as a kid??

(sorry if its a bit longwinded) (i think about this sort of thing a lot cus i've noticed a lot of 'gifted' kids who arent necessarily autistic but also dont have many friends can often be read as autistic. esp in fiction. idk)

Tw extremely poorly written half thought out ramble. There is just mucus where my brain should be rn

I think the temptation to pathologize everything and everyone is so strong these days, especially with psychology speak entering the general lexicon which O HATE btw. it’s definitely a result of people feeling disconnected from their peers and also wanting to understand themselves and feel like there is a reason why they are the way they are. Im hesitant to diagnose every personality quirk everyone has. For example my mom and sister are both diagnosed autistic and I know I show signs of it as well, but honestly I don’t feel I need to identify as autistic in order to understand myself. I also know it’s not a zero sum game but there is a part of me that’s like well there are people who can’t mask and there are people who won’t get the opportunities I get because they are obviously “visibly” neurodivergent and I am not so why not leave that label for people who need those resources and support more than I do? It’s the same thing with adhd, everyone and their mother wants a diagnosis and is convinced they have “executive dysfunction” but the reality is doing shit is just hard. It’s not always supposed to be easy. That doesn’t mean we all have adhd and without my diagnosis I would’ve failed out of high school so it’s kind of a bummer seeing people self diagnosing w adhd bc they’re struggling w their weed-out classes in their premed program bc like Yeah school is supposed to be hard sometimes. And sometimes we are all awkward and miscommunicate and don’t connect well w other people. I might be able to get an autism diagnosis if I wanted one but I don’t feel like my social awkwardness and ineptitude needs to be symptomatic of a disorder. Maybe we can just let people be weird and awkward. I know diagnosis can sometimes help people feel less alone and stuff but yeah for those gifted kids sometimes it’s enough to be like. intelligence can often be alienating and really smart people are often a little eccentric and that’s cool! Everyone is unique!

Anyway Spencer is def autistic tho LOL. There is a lot of linkage between extremely high iq and autism. I wouldn’t say he’s a savant because he’s a genius in everything not just one specialized area but I don’t think he is neurotypical at all and it goes beyond his inability to read social cues! I think he gets more stoic and stuff in the later seasons probably because the writers + mgg got lazy and tired of the character and were no longer so concerned about preserving his autistic tendencies, and also because he was getting hotter and people can’t comprehend a physically attractive autistic person, but you could also read it as him simply maturing and also valuing masking for social capital as he gets older. But also also adhd and autism are both developmental disorders which imo means we are supposed to read his lagging social development and late bloomerism as a symptom of his autism. I think we do need more diverse autistic representation rather than just “nonverbal child who speaks in his own unique way and turns out to be a genius” and he contributes to that!! That’s my opinion anyway

[thosearentcrimes]

Read To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Whenever I read a canonical work or classic of some sort, I try to come in with as few prejudices as possible. Fairly consistently, I am positively surprised, which is a good showing for conventional wisdom. The question is, does the relatively high quality of canonical works reflect the wisdom of crowds or the wisdom of elitists? In any case, those high school curricula weren't lying, To Kill a Mockingbird really is a very good novel. I recommend reading the novel, and doing so before you read this review. Unless you're not planning to read it at all I guess, do whatever.

So obviously the main thing about To Kill a Mockingbird is that it is trying to make a point. Over the course of the novel, against the background of a short section of coming-of-age narrative, a shithole county in Alabama in 1935 relitigates its socio-economic-racial-sexual order, with extremely predictable results reinforcing the status quo. It is somewhat impressive just how vividly the politics of Maycomb are described, with a lot of attention to elements that feel ahead of their time. You do need to keep in mind that the narrator is an intelligent but fairly naive 10 year old white girl who belongs to what passes for the elites of Maycomb though. Also, I don't know if the author is deliberately making the scraps of hope pathetic in order to make a point or whether the scraps were meant to be encouraging and have simply aged into absurdity, but either way the effect works.

As a consequence I feel like the novel has aged very well, even though the length between the time it is set and the time it was published is less than half of the time between when it was published and now. Perhaps it has aged so well precisely because it has been so long, even. It functions as a bit of a set of two linked period pieces in a very nice way. Certainly there are elements that are very controversial from a modern point of view, but I think there are none that seriously indict the book, make it inapplicable or even just worse really. Especially since they have a tendency to crop up in sections most strongly affected by the (very clearly fallible) narrator's presence in the novel.

In terms of style it does an ok job, I obviously have a hard time judging the regionalisms and ruralisms and just generally the accent, but it didn't make reading the book too annoying, which is sufficient. The dialogue is plausible, generally speaking, but suspiciously convenient at times, which interferes with verisimilitude. Nothing devastating, though, for the most part it's just dramatic irony. The plotting, while very obvious and predictable, is predictable because it is the most plausible resolution of a very plausible situation, very much ripped from the headlines. Sometimes the thing that you would expect to happen happens, if your expectations are well calibrated especially.

Having a child protagonist is always a tricky proposition, and Harper Lee does a good job of it, there is nothing particularly jarring about the way Scout expresses herself, and her psychology is pretty plausible to me. Though I have to admit, I have very poor recall, especially about my childhood, so I'm kind of talking out my ass here. Still, the misunderstandings feel like they're handled pretty well and aren't really mined for cheap laughs I feel like. Her execution also manages to avoid being excessively cloying or idealizing, which is a frequent issue for child political mouthpieces.

There has been a second Harper Lee novel published since, Go Set a Watchman. I haven't read it yet, and I'm not sure if I will. Most people seem to agree it is just not all that good on the merits. Though if their objection is, as seems to be the case at least some of the time, to the fact that Atticus, for all his nobility of spirit (in large part because of that nobility and its class and racial character), is portrayed as a racist, then perhaps they should have read To Kill a Mockingbird a bit more attentively! But we should expect readers of assigned scholastic literature to come away with a formulaic and simplistic reading of the text, and it is not a reason to stop assigning it. The novel is good, it is educational, it makes sense to teach it. At least, I hope that is what they are doing, because it does feel like it requires a bit of context and interpretation that might not come naturally to all students.

[soliloqueeer]

13 Questions Every Harry Potter Fan Should Be Able To Answer

Question 1: Which house do you belong to?

Ravenclaw. I'm curious, creative and introverted. But I would also be happy in Hufflepuff since I am, at the end of the day, baby.

Question 2: Which Deathly Hallow would you choose?

If I'm being honest with myself probably the stone, to have one final conversation with my mother who recently, and very suddenly, passed away.

If that hadn't happened then I would've chosen the invisibility cloak because I love the idea of not being perceived.

Question 3: Which Character do you have a (not so) secret crush on?

Interesting question. I had to pick someone compliant with their characterization in the books then I'd probably say I'm most attracted to Tonks or Sirius, or the Weasley twins. But if you saw my AO3 history you'd think Tom Riddle.

Question 4: What are your Indepth and controversial thoughts on Severus Snape?

I think that Severus is a very tragic character. He came from poverty, was abused and neglected by his parents. The only person to ever show him kindness was Lily. He was canonically ugly, weird, and had bad hygiene. He was bullied by two classist Gryffindors and craved power and vengence which led him down a dark path. He died a hero who was courageous and self-sacrificing but I don't think she-who-shall-not-be-named wrote a convincing enough redemption story, especially not one in which the hero would give one of his son's Severus's name. He was still a wholly miserable person who was stuck in the past and verbally abused the child of his former nemesis for six years.

My controversial thoughts surrounding Snape was that he was first and foremost a genius - a potions prodigy who literally crafted his own spells as a teenager.

There was an unequal power dynamic between Severus and the Marauders. He was a dirt poor half-blood and they were rich purebloods. There was never any equal footing between them and as much as he participated in the feud, it was always in retaliation to their cruelty. (I can say this without bashing Sirius and James as all people contain multitudes).

I also don't believe Severus was a bigot. I think there's a good chance he hated muggles, as a result of the abuse from his father, but I he was too smart to buy into the idea of blood supremacy when he, a half-blood, was smarter than most of his pureblood peers. And when Lily, a muggleborn, was at the top of their class.

One of the more controversial headcanons I have is that Severus was recruited into becoming a Deatheater, not because he believed in their agenda but because he was allured by the promise of power, influence and vengeance. I believe he probably moved up high in the ranks after graduating Hogwarts because he was cunning, ambitious, and committed to proving himself and gaining Voldemort's respect. I also believe during his time as a Deatheater he most likely had to commit horrible acts of violence and cruelty, and that while Severus does have a sadistic streak (one that gives him the allusion of power), he does not wish suffering upon innocent people. He probably dealt with these peforming these acts by compartmentalizing his responsibiltiies as a Deatheater and using occlumancy.

One final thing I want to add is that I don't think Severus was obsessed with Lily in a 4Chan, incel sort of way (in fact, he kind of gives off ace vibes). In my opinion, Lily was the only person to ever give him love, kindness and compassion, and while he was in love with her, he was above all else, completely wracked with guilt over being responsible for telling Voldemort about the prophecy. He agrees to protect Harry because he feels indebted to her until the day he dies.

Question 5: Who, In your Opinion, Is more evil: Voldemort or Dolores Umbridge.

What a funny question. The first thing that comes to mind for me is Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump and the discourse in 2015-17 about which politician was worse. Voldemort (like Trump) is honest about who is is and what he stands for (self-interest and accumulating power). Alternatively Umbridge (like Clinton) tries to create the perception that she is good and righteous.

Umbridge represents the banaltiy of evil. She's sadistic and abusive, even towards children -all while wearing a polite smile on her face. She has the same vibe as a Catholic nun who abuses people in the name of god, and for Umbridge it was about the rule of law.

However, Voldemort's evil can't even be measured on the same scale. He's a meglomaniac eugenicst willing to purge the world of things he deems inferior to him. He was inspired by dictators like Hitler and Stalin.

It's far easier to hate Umbridge because she's not honest about who she is, and we've met a figure of authority who's exactly like her. Voldemort by all accounts and purposes, was far more powerful, influential and destructive, but too grandiose to relate to.

Question 6: Which death in the series is the most heartbreaking?

Sirius, Fred, Remus, but especially Fred. It was cruel to take him away from George. I think it would've been more satisfying if Percy, as a way to redeem himself to his family, sacrificed himself to save his brother during the Battle of Hogwarts.

Question 7: What Quidditch position would you play?

I wouldn't. I'd probably be in the stands or take advantage of the school being empty and fuck around in the empty castle all day.

Question 8: What Wizarding Career would you pursue?

Probably a teacher or academic/Unspeakable as I love research. That or someone who paints the magical portraits.

Question 9: Which book in the series is you favourite?

PoA was always my favourite as a kid because I really loved Lupin's character, and hearing about the Marauders. The time-turner plot gives me an eyeroll now but the climax is still one of the most thrilling to me. We also got a taste of Powerful Harry, which actually never came to fruition, but I really loved the idea that Harry was a very exceptional wizard who was coming into his powers and not just an every-man character.

Question 10: Who should have ended up together? Hermione/Ron or Hermione/Harry?

Hermione/Harry if it was developed earlier on. The author explained that Ron/Hermione was something she pigeonholed herself into in the first two books but later regretted it. I think canonically, Harry and Hermione are like siblings, but if their relationship was developed after PoA then it would've been really satisfying to see.

Question 11: Have you read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child?

No. Never will.

Question 12: Was Dumbledore a Hero or a Villain?

A hero. His plan worked in the end, as convoluted it may have been. I don't see Dumbledore as an all-good Santa-Claus-Grandpa character like his die-hard fans do, but I also don't see him as a chess-player villian twirling his moustache from the shadows.

I used to really hate Dumbledore because of how secretive he was. It was absolutely insane for him to have put Harry on that wild goose chase with such little information and it was a miracle they won the war at all.

At the end of the day, I think he was a man that feared having too much power due to the mistakes he made in his youth when he was hungry for it. He influenced things from the sidelines because he knew he was imperfect. He made mistakes all the time, and owned up to them, and if he was all-powerful those mistakes would have much graver consequences.

He loved Harry, in the end, and did not want to see him in that mess, but had the pressure of saving the world on his shoulders.

Question 13: Who is the real Hero of the Story? Harry Potter or Neville Longbottom?

Seems like a redundant question to me, but perhaps there's discourse around it I'm not aware of.

Harry is. But he doesn't carry that tile alone.

[liljakonvalj]

I watched Disney's Robin Hood tonight, and here are some of my highlights:

This movie is so FUN. Even as an adult who has seen this movie so many times I laugh out loud multiple times when watching it

Prince John being fooled by The cross-dressing Robin Hood and little John because he cannot fathom the idea of Female robbers

Everything about their heist is fun- but especially kissing away the ring jewels, the entire conversation between Robin and prince John, Prince John's reflection in the ball, sir Hiss being stuck in a basket and the thieves colliding when running out with their bounty

We're really shown how wicked the sheriff is, stealing coins out of the cast of a cripple, the birthday gift from a kid and a beggar

Robin is very good with kids and gives the birthday boy a bow, arrow and even his own hat

Turns out both Marian and her Lady in waiting Kluck are also terrific with children and their little playing with the children is absolutely adorable

Marian having a wanted poster of her beloved in her room is so funny to me, I cannot get over it.

Robin being a horrible cook because he is thinking about his lady love 😍

The cartwheels he does when he hears that the winner of the archery competition will get a kiss from lady Marian!❤❤👌

Also he has zero chill during the competition. Someone with brain cells might think that he should mess up a couple of the shots to be more inconspicuous, but not him.

Cleaving the sheriff's arrow with his own is a Legendary TM moment though

The little turtle cheering for his dad was adorable. I really enjoyed the looks of all the contestants too!

Robin and Marian's love confessions when he's been found out 😭

Little John is literally saving the day multiple times during the aftermath of the contest while wearing a crop top. Also him just vibing with the prince, or "PJ", is a testament to his acting skills.

After the fight breaks out Robin and Marin agree to marry, where to go for their honeymoon and discuss their future number of children (robin:"We'll have six children". Marian: "no, a dozen at least") They both have zero chill and are so hot for each other, it would be sickening if i didn't love it so much

Lady Kluck literally being Player of the Game during the fight, every single thing she does is a win

The entire fighting sequence is a joy from start to finnish

The song "Love" while Robin and Marian just walk around in the forrest talking and being well ... in love 😭😍❤

The scene with the warerlillies, fireflies and the flower-ring while they gaze into each others eyes is the textbook definition of Romance

Much of the animation in A Phoney king of England is borrowed from earlier movies, but I like the little game I make of trying to remember wich animations are from which movie

I also like Friar Tuck's little theatre setup and Robin using his bow as a, well, bow when playing the violin

The song becoming such a hit in the town that Prince John raises the taxes even more, resulting in several people being put in jail (The jail part is not a favourite but the song being a hit is)

Friar Tuck absolutely losing it when the sheriff steals from the box for the Poor in his church.👏👏

The double take Robin does when he hears his friend is to be hanged on the morrow, first out of character then in character as the beggar.

(In the swedish version Trigger, who is suspicious of the beggar remarks that "han har en räv bakom örat" lit. trans ="he has a fox behind his ear" which means that he is up to something. I thought it was a fun pun considering Robin is a fox)

I view the whole breaking into the castle sequence each Christmas (as is tradition) but I always forget how much from the movie they cut out of the Christmas show

(The whole sequence with Robin masquerading as Nutsy, John freeing the prisoners and about half the fight/flight when they escape is cut from the Christmas show)

Trigger being unable to properly secure his crossbow is a great running gag. He calls his crossbow "gamla Bettan" in Swedish- probably translated: "Old Betsy". I wonder what he calls it in other languages?

And each time I watch I lament that Robin gets too greedy, just leave that last money sack that the prince is cradling in his arms!!

Robin (and little John) turning around to fetch the little bunny is so in character and kinda heartbreaking because Robin almost dies

Robin is really fearing for his life - especially in the burning tower

Robin's face after his escape and Skippy claims that he could've swum double the distance

Was the ending rushed? Yes. Do I care? No.

[no-goodbyes-no-regrets]

Oh My Lord!!! 😳😳🤯 What's going on in your asks!! 🥴 Sending you lots of love and hugs 🤗❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I wish people would take a raincheck on calling people names especially when they have never met the person!! I genuinely hate it when people use very serious allegations at the drop of a hat. 😔 It is nasty. ❤️❤️

I came here to say thank you for your lovely answer to my ask. I should have responded sooner but I have been moping about the US election results 🙎

First things first, you can't lose hope about Hawley!! 😊 You lose hope, I lose hope and I can't really afford that right now. 😂❤️‍🩹 But yeah, I hear what you said. I am half convinced that the Hawley family has temporarily moved to Brazil so that their kids can grow up on the farm. And Ryan will be traveling to do short gigs. The thing is, I don't mind Robert serving his 14 years (because it was without parole). He could record a few voice notes just like his other voice jobs and then shoot the Robron scenes when he is in England! 🤷 Job done 👍 😊 In fact it suits me better because I always wanted a sl where Aaron is the one who first fights with Robert for sending the papers and then fights for their relationship! I would love such a sl with a stronger Aaron supporting Robert. See! Possibilities 🥸🤡🥸😂

As for Lou/Tommy. I am sorry. It was a classic case of plot! 😔 The breakup genuinely didn't make any sense. I am with Lou on this. If you feel so deeply, give it a shot. The thing is, probably everyone other than Buck and Eddie can see they are in love. So, they remove themselves from the situation before they get hurt. I saw a sketch on TikTok where Buck meets Taylor again and she is surprised to know that Buck didn't realize they were in a Bi-Bi relationship. And when Buck mentions his bf, Taylor casually says- I am glad you finally confessed, you were halfway in love with him. Taylor looks up to see a very confused Buck 😳😂

Yeah it's been A LOT today. I guess everyone was bored and some people were looking for a fight 🤷‍♀️

And hey if I had the money to spend a winter in Brazil living with family - I'd do it too. I just checked the weather for Rio for the next few days and it's 25-30 degrees. I'm not sure where Daisy's family lives but I'd take that weather over miserable cold English winters any day!

But yeah a few voice notes or zoom call videos can work wonders! They could do it back in the pandemic, they can do it now. Surely they can afford to pay him for that!

As for Buck and Eddie... I get that people see their bond as romantic, but to me it's more platonic/familiar. But there's been enough arguments over that already so agree to disagree to keep the peace here 😉 It's funny you mention that tiktok though because I have read a bucktommy fic with basically this plot. I think it was Taylor/Lucy but I could be wrong. But I'm pretty sure it was with one of Buck's exes dating another woman and Buck being a confused puppy about it.

something something we're not so different after all

[dojae-huh]

Hello! Just want to say again that I'm glad I found your blog, your down-to-earth commentary, especially about the business side of it all, is very much appreciated :)

Hi. Thank you for letting me know, I'm glad you find some more down to earth posts useful. In part, I run this blog to offer an alternative in fandom experience.

Thing is, we, as k-pop fans and as people who don't work in showbusiness or South Korea, don't have enough knowledge, experience or inside information to have a strong educated opinion on most of things when it comes to idol companies and their executives. We can have opinions as customers - I like this music, this promotional strategy works on me, these outfits are ugly, this concept rocks -, but not as business analytics. Especially considering how much media play, false information and difference in cultures we face.

However, nowadays everyone has the illusion that they know better, that their opinion and feelings are valid when it comes to any topic. And spread and defend their opinion like it is the ultimate truth.

I've recently come across a twit starting with "it appears that" and ending with "for sure". In a span of a few sentences the fan offered an imaginary scenario and finished with a "this is truth". Of course to "prove" that SM is evil, heh. Such baseless statements easily play on fans' love for their biases, evoke an emotional response, call to arms, they give an answer to "Who is to blame?!", provide a target for unleashing frustration and anger.

When one solo-stan blames our bias, we can call bullshit because we know how things really are. When a fan blames Chris Lee or SM, other fans are ready to accept the words as believeable. Either because they share the sentiment, or have no own opinion on the matter, so any will do. If everyone around says the same thing, it should be true, afterall? That's how our brains are wired: follow the majority, agree with the tribe, mirror everyone's current emotion.

We can't see the inner works and we don't know the inner rules, but we can see the results of labour and sometimes a reflection of things.

When I came to k-pop, I knew SM as the company that overworks its artists, has lawsuits with them, is super strict. Broken in two halves TVXQ and EXO with half of its members gone weren't a good representation. So when I started to get to know NCT better, I started to wonder if I was lied to or that something had changed in SM (the latter). Neos were taught how to songwrite, SM persisted with good quality music for NCT despite the group not taking off right away, artists not looking slavelike, there was SMstation and interesting projects.

Sure, I can observe bad work: poorly prepared concerts (Link), constant failures with album production (omitting Doyoung's name, boring designs for 127), tasteless stylists, etc. However, I also see good work: artists flying first/business class and living in 5 star hotels, being given opportunity to go to the beach, museums, to enjoy sightseeing in new countries; opportunity to explore one's creativity (soundcloud, NCTLabs, solo performances for Link); SM giving artists second professions (MC, variety host, model) that will aid professional longevity (Doyoung hasn't finished school and doesn't have a degree, but I'm not worried for him, even if SM collapses, he'll always find a job. Same for Taeyong, he came as a blank page, now he is a songwriter and a producer, he can even become a choreographer); neos progressively being given more choice and say, their opinion being consulted and their ideas being implemented once they gain enough experience (Golden Dust story, Taeyong making his own setlist for his concert, Doyoung saying Unity should not have solo-stages, Ten choosing the mood and genre for his solo, etc).

Most importantly, I can see many friendships between neos and producers/managers, and that Haechan and Doyoung, who experienced all of SM's downsides personally and not once, continue to like the company. Meaning, the good should outweight the bad. At least for now.

Fans learnt the name of Chris Lee and continue to blame him for everything to this day, although he doesn't own any shares in SM and has stopped being a CEO a year ago. He is a token scapegoat.

Should I blindly trust fans or should I go read Wikipedia, interviews and listen to the guy himself? In situations like these I always choose the latter.

Sure, I can't tell if he evades taxes or participates in shady business, and what neos think of him (aside from Doyoung calling him "hyung" in public and not being afraid of getting punished for it), but I can see he was the person who overlooked all the early NCT songs (we have "Limitless", "Cherry bomb" thanks to him); created SMStation and SMClassics (say thank you for "Try again", "Star blossom"); found Dem Jointz ("Kick it", "Punch", "Sticker") and multiple other songwriters who now work for SM; brought to Korea the idea of songwriting camps, in which Kun participates nowadays and where he befriends foreign creators; invested SM money into a publishing company (and not a winery or a hotel business), which means SM artists will be secured to have a lot of songs to choose from in the future, and Korean young producers will have access to the global market. He has been with SM close to 20 years, and he is evidently a music nerd, ergo he understands artists and their love for music. So why should I hate him? I have no proof of him taking money away from neos, but I have evidence he was very essential to formation of NCT and the quality of SM sound being maintained. On the contrary, I'm inclined to suspect the quality of albums (song setlist, production) is raising again because he is back to supervising A&R in SM.

[m00nbunny1]

Just finished your tarot reading! Here's the results!

Question: What will m00nbunny1's future job be like?

I got the fool, the star, and death upside down!

THE FOOL:

The fool usually means to take chances. When upright, it is a positive sign that new beginnings are coming, and anything that you are unsure or doubting you should do, like a new project or buying a new house, you should do it!

However, the fool upside down is a warning to reevaluate your motivations, inner guidance, and intentions. You can interpret this anyway you want, but for me, I feel like you not staying true to your heart. Maybe you want to do a specific job or career, and your parent don't align with it. Even if your parents don't like your career or job, go for it, because the job that your parents want is not ideal for you.

THE STAR:

The star usually represents hope and positivity. When upright, it means to walk with your head up high if your feeling down or depressed, because it can only get better from here!

However, the star upside down is a sign that you need to reconnect. Your job is most likely something that you tired to do already, but lost trust because (1) it didn't bring enough money, or (2) you gave up your dream job because someone else you know didn't agree to it. This is a sign you jump back on that career and start over again!

THE DEVIL:

The devil usually means that you have a lust for money and sexual pleasures. Upright, it is a negative card, and it's a sign to change your morals and align with God.

However, the devil downright is a positive sign. In this case, you need to get rid of or confront negative relationships that are trying to control your future career, and start looking into yourself. Ask yourself, "do I really want this job?", or "why do I want this job?" It's a sign not to give two shits about what other people say and jump on the ball wagon to ride through your career path!

ANALYSIS:

Essentially, the cards say that your desired job is one you wanted in the past, or a career path that you started walking down on that someone negative in your life influenced you to get out of. Based off the first reading hat negative person in you life took you out of that spefix career path, because money wasn't pouring in. This is your sign to leave the relationship or confront that negative person, ask yourself if you really want this job and why, and continue on your career path.

Based off this reading, you seem to be a people pleaser. I advice you to learn how to tell people NO, especially if this person is not giving you constructive criticism and is pinning you down. Remember, this is YOUR career path. If something goes wrong, you can always walk down another one. Take care of yourself! 💗

-divine half angel

Huh, that's pretty interesting... Thanks for the reading Rena, and I'll be sure to keep this in mind! 👍

[lilac-udon]

Alien stage thoughts

I saw many hate round 7, the plot is logically this result is understandable and very valid, however it’s not a good aftertaste for the audience . I guess I give some critique? I did make a post about the story, logically I think till should die. the story always seems interesting to me because I feel it’s not standard, not taking usual paths. for me I think it’s cool too see creative goes to places ppl never goes before and explore more unusual none traditional plots , which I think that’s why round 6 is big, usually no one will write it like that. ( ivan a side character being this devoted and etc) However I also did consider if this is a writer flaw . story wise round 7 is confusing and depressing . how I see my love for ivan because he is the most in depth character, simple straight forward of lover boy angst over his love. he’s story is full, refined, understandable. I said this also led characters unbalanced of sua, , till and mizi who especially is the mc is out of focus, and results many cheering for till who ivan put his effort on that the audience can attach their feelings to . What I was expecting was more story of till however we doesn’t get it( and logically we shouldn’t bc he isn’t the mc), it make till felt hollow. They really put too much insight for ivan where luka till mizi etc all just glanced through their activities. Another problem of alst , they always add more explanation and info out of the video which sua and ivan is actually quite different from only viewing the mvs. Paid content and post to explain the motive that you completely can not get from videos, however ivan gets a lot in his videos time. Was too hype for till to be a complex character but he met his end before anything. I can only see them all alive in some ways to save this part for the explanation.

so I was looking at others criticism and I do agree about some, mostly about the ship, like it’s logical what had happened , but viewing ppl opinions I do agree, the series was heavily depending on selling their official ship, and their mismatch pairing of the final give viewers bad taste ,confusion and mostly sadness, the lack of mizi internal really made till became the main character everyone voting for … the ambiguity of timeline. So yeah the video is short and you can’t put all the information you want to say. I do see this happening however it just sad, my worries is they make them all alive but that really hurts the writing a little, viv always like to be sad, is my joy to read and see people idea after round 6, now everyone is dead ah , also joke on u I love my ship dead :) I’m just concerned about the story continuity

half way in the story??? And half of them is dead????????

Oh there’s one thing I dislike about… the art book gives us what the author explained of what is what… ugh

Add I’m gonna add here so no one see at first sight, it a joke I love them: till has such a miserable life, abuse, and harass two time before death

But the overall video is hype I love it but the story just a bit sad, but for till that pretty nice too I guess, he can finally leave this horrible world

[dreamingbrownie]

Rewrite your stories until they tell you the truth.

This quote from Cornelia Funke in a Zoom Q&A I had the honour to be part of last January has genuinely changed the way I write. For those of you outside the German-speaking countries; Cornelia Funke is one of Germany's most popular teenage- and young adult novel authors, her bibliography at this point eclipses that of some history professors of mine, and her books are what got me into writing 15 years ago. I'm 26 now, so like many of us in fandom spaces, I started very young, got around a lot on the internet, and had my fair share of creator burnout over the years. I also have ADHD, unmedicated for a lot of reasons I won't get into here, so the wip curse is strong in me. I currently have three big longfic wips in three different fandoms - Yuri on Ice, Fantastic Beasts and Merlin BBC - all of which are just lacking the ending. I have worked on all of those for more than a year and a half now. Up until a few days ago, I felt like What few still understand, my House of the Dragon Long Night do-over, would become one of them.

Being on tumblr for something upwards of eight years now (and having created a tumblr account for the sole reason to keep up with the Sherlock BBC Season 4 speculations ahead of the disastrous launch), I have seen a variation on the "we are authors, not creators, for fuck's sake stop capitalizing fandom" post every other week on here for years now. And as wholeheartedly as I agree with that statement, somehow I failed to internalize it. To make it true for myself, for my works, the time and effort I put into them. I don't know if university has made me a chronic perfectionist or the rejection sensitivity aspect of ADHD, either way, I have a high standard for my own work inside and outside of fandom, which isn't a bad thing persé but lately i have found myself dissatisfied with my works as I was writing them. Coming back to them a couple days afterwards usually shows me what sections really do work and what needs editing.

"Re-write your stories until they tell you the truth" - I was never a fan of thinking of a story as a first draft, as the sand you just build your castle out of the second or even third go-around. Writing long fanfictions takes enough time as is, and living with chronic pain especially in my arms, I probably should be writing less than I already am. But this time, with What few still understand, I really tried to follow that advice from one of the authors I admire most in the world: Why does this conversation between three characters feel off? Why do I keep working on it in the back of my head like nagging a loose tooth on the way to work, why does this scene feel wrong days after I have written it? Why did I keep procrastinating the finale? (Because I hate writing battles. That's why.) Now, recently I have been reading everything dear Cecil (@softest-punk) over in the Sandman fandom puts out, and one thing they said a while ago also really stuck with me: Fanfiction isn't the published book world (thank the stars), so we're all just playing doll together. We can have our cake and eat it too. And somehow, this clashes with my perfectionism despite that it resonates with me so much.

So, lately I have been trying to find the golden middle for myself. At which point am I satisfied enough with my writing that I can publish it online and be okay with the result, and what does it take to get to that point without obsessing over the details? How do I get rid of the demon of doubt on my shoulder making the pain worse because I spent too many hours on my laptop pouring over the Targaryen family dynamics in this fix-it world I accidentally created? Let's leave aside this volatile fandom making my anxiety over publishing worse; what I am hoping to achieve is to brighten some people's day. If I am yanking on their heartstrings in the process, promise there's always a happy ending waiting at the end of my stories. I just have to find that happy ending to my own creation process, and that is going to take time, I suppose.

[away-ward]

About the DN series, I would've loved a bit more diversity (like between the girls), and especially with Emory (like she would've been another race, another religion...) the drive between Will and her would've been more significant, so more angst and her being way more different than everyone else at Thunderbay Prep (or in the whole town in general). High school Emory mentions that she felt really different because the school or town was full of WASPs (white Anglo-Saxon Protestants), so she was a minority. The only times POC were mentioned were in Killswitch (the young black escort) and in conclave (the Asian lady that Alex was taking nude pictures of), which was only about sex work (nothing wrong with sex workers, but as a POC I felt weird undertones about it). I know Kai is a POC (half-Japanese), but it doesn't really feel like it, it was just giving diversity hire.

I also found Rika and Winter really bland. In the sense that they're both blonde, white girls with blue eyes, wealthy, privileged sure they have their traumas, I actually sympathize with Winter more, since she's blind and all. But with Rika, when she becomes Ms ninja, swords and knives, he didn't feel authentic, I just think PD wanted a heroine that they could live through, but chose the wrong girl to do that.

Also, I would have loved it if Damon ended up with a girl as intense as him. I appreciate Winter's character being soft and strong when needed, but she lacked intensity.

Also, is it just me, or does Michael doesn't really have a personality, one that screams him. Kai should have been the leader, it makes more sense.

I would really like your opinions on this and love your WillEmmy fanfictions

(sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language)

You’re English is wonderful; probably better than mine! Please don’t apologize.

So, first, I want to say that I agree with you. I have wished and thought that there should have been more diversity in the books. Whether it would have made sense for the part of the US it’s set in (small town in New England) or not, it’s a work of fiction and including more POC is a choice. There was no reason not to in this case.

Second, I want to say that PD’s choices seem to be… on the safe side. I think they wanted to include POC but, and speaking only from my experience as a white person who writes on occasion, there’s a very real fear of getting it wrong. From personal experience, even having a wide variety of friends that have backgrounds and heritages from across the globe that I am free to consult at any time, I still have a fear that I’ll give it my best effort and still get it wrong, even for a minor character much less a main one. The added pressure of publishing to a wide audience would be enough to make me hesitate and pull back some. The thinking is people will get mad if I don’t include POC characters, but people will also get mad if I don’t portray them accurately. It takes a certain skill level, and honestly, some authors and writers just aren’t there yet. I’m not saying this is what happened with PD. I just don’t know. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it was. All that considered, the result tends to be POC characters that are a bland and neutral and don’t feel like authentic POC.  PD is always going to put sex-positivity first because that seems to be something they’re comfortable with, and it seems to be for them a safe way to include any minor character, POC or not.

Again, not an excuse but a possible reason. I haven’t contributed any negative motives to PD on that area, taking from my own experiences with writing. Then again, I’m not a person of color, so maybe it’s not for me to say.

All of the girls felt very similar. Two blonde, two brunette. PD tried; Rika is technically South African; Banks is half-Russian; Emory is at least a quarter Jewish, possibly half. But it didn’t feel like any of it affected their characters. At least, I wasn’t sensitive enough to it, and that could just be me. Though it sounds like it felt that way for others as well…

As for Emory, she is a minority but with her being agnostic or only taking part in certain traditions, it doesn’t feel as important to her or the reader. Though, that is a very real identity that people have, being Jewish culturally or ethnically but not religiously, so I don’t want to pick on that. I have found myself wondering how deep it goes for her. Like would she get a tattoo? Will is obviously very into them, so would she get one as well? Even a little one? Where are her boundaries? We just don’t know, because she never talked about it really.

I think I would have liked to see Kai struggle a bit more with his cultural backgrounds, but he seemed to struggle more with his class. As he mentioned, his father was poor growing up and his mother was wealthy but knew how to manage money. He seemed to take it all for granted. Somehow, through all of that, he was in touch with his father’s Japanese side and his mother’s Italian side fairly well, which felt odd to me. I would have thought that taking his wealth for granted would have transferred to other parts of his life, such as his heritage. I would have thought he’d try to be more American TM, like his friends. But in the narrative, I don’t remember him fighting with it all that much. I think he probably did struggle a bit to balance them, we just didn’t see it on the page, which is sad.

Honestly, the one I felt was the weirdest was Aydin, a Middle Eastern man, becoming so completely obsessed that he derailed his entire life for what I considered to be an average white American woman. Like? I mean, don’t get me wrong; Alex was obviously gorgeous. But… So are a lot of people. And Alex was obviously confident and appeared to him to be smart. But so are a lot of people. This was a man who was going to be a doctor, but was sidetracked by a 19 year-old white girl?

I guess it’s just one of those ‘you had to be there’  kinda things. TBH, a lot of the romances in this series relied on what feels like an insta-connection that is quickly approaching insta-love. Not saying it doesn’t happen in real life. Just saying it happened a lot here in this series.

Maybe that’s partly why Will and Emmy felt different. At least he had three years of watching and obsessing over her before we got to the start of the story, and even then, she was still resistant and in denial of the connection, unlike the other girls. That made a bit more sense to me.

At times Rika did feel like a self-insert for PD wish fulfillment, but I’m not going to begrudge them for that. We all do it. If they put a lot of themselves into Rika – thinking Corrupt was going to be a stand-alone – then they probably weren’t thinking about where the character was going to go in the long run. At least that is where I place the blame for the progressive weakening of Rika’s character. She really wasn’t meant for more than one book.

Same with Michael. After Corrupt, his personality tends to disappear too. It’s not just you; a lot of readers say that I think.

I will say, if I were to make any changes, I would keep him as a leader but show more of his strategic side. To be a team captain, he’d have to have some sort of mind towards that. And in Hideaway, we see him seeking out Banks’ guidance because he knows he needs to improve in this area and has identified her as someone with the same skill (sidenote: which, oh my god! Why are you seeking out Banks’s guidance? She doesn’t like you! Just dumb.). I would keep him as leader and keep Kai as his second but give Kai more opportunity to display the wisdom he’s supposed to have from his father. That way, he can act as the team’s heart. This isn’t to say that I think Kai’s unintelligent; it’s just a different kind of intelligence. Kai would have to have the skills to follow Michael’s thinking, act on it, but also know when he’s going too far. In some ways, he need to be smarter, both mentally and emotionally, than Michael. I think Kai is to start with, so that’s a good building block. It just also think there was more that could have been done there. These two are supposed to complement each other, work in tandem. I really would have focused on showing that. And even if it was weakened by Kai going to prison, I would have tried so show that too. I’m not sure if I could have executed it any better than PD, but that’s what I would have focused on as far as Michael.

Oof Damon and Winter. I agree with you. I liked that Winter was soft at times, because Damon needed someone that contrasted his own hardened shell, but I kept waiting for that moment where I understood what he saw in her other than her softness. I kept waiting for that moment she showed me she was something different, but it never came for me. So she bit him once and showed him that pain can be redirected? And that’s why he’s obsessed? I didn’t get it. I didn’t see anything else for him to latch on to, other than her being a pretty dancer. But maybe I’m missing something; other people seem to get it. I’m still not sure what she “brings to the table”, so to speak. For me, Winter is still… loading??? Buffering? Processing? If any of those make sense. Idk anymore.

Thank you for your love of the willemmy fics. I appreciate it. Always happy to share the joy.

Thanks for the ask. It’s an interesting topic I haven’t been able to get into before, not being sure how to approach it. I’d be interested to know what other’s thoughts are of the diversity, or lack thereof, in the series. What could have been done better?

[enigmaticexplorer]

I Yearn, and so I Fear - Chapter XII

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

General Summary. Nearly a year since the Galactic Empire’s rise to power, Kazi Ennari is trying to survive. But her routine is interrupted—and life upended—when she’s forced to cohabitate with former Imperial soldiers. Clone soldiers. 

Pairing. Commander Wolffe x female!OC

General Warnings. Canon-typical violence and assault, familial struggles, terminal disease, bigotry, explicit sexual content, death. This story deals with heavy content. If you’re easily triggered, please do not read. For a more comprehensive list of tags, click here.

Fic Rating. E (explicit)/18+/Minors DNI.

Chapter Word Count. 4.7K

A Like without a Reblog will result in an automatic block.

23 Melona

The meeting with Carinthia was quick. Kazi transferred the men’s datastick and Carinthia exchanged the Imperial credits. 

A cooler morning kept the warehouse’s temperature tolerable. It had been weeks since Kazi was last called here for network-related dealings, and even longer since the network’s contacts requested her to spy. She found the lack of both communication and work odd. However, there were more important things keeping her busy.

Her interaction with Carinthia was fairly quiet. Carinthia seemed more tense than usual, her words polished yet curt, her Inner Rim accent detectable. Kazi didn’t pay much attention to the exchange or Carinthia’s moodiness. Her mind was elsewhere, stuck like a fly caught in a spiderweb.

This morning, when she started on breakfast, she found a lumina berry already prepared. Long strips, somewhat jagged and imperfect, rested on a plate for Neyti. Chunks, cubed and proportional, cluttered a bowl.

Wolffe was notably absent from his usual spot, working outside, tending to his garden. 

Kazi regarded the lumina berry strips and chunks for far too long. Her mind whirred from confusion while something deep and inscrutable inside her warmed. 

The thought of Wolffe preparing the lumina berry bothered her. She had clearly been too open yesterday at the Marketplace. Too vulnerable. She didn’t want his fucking pity, and she had half a mind to call him out on it—

“I’m surprised you’re not married yet.”

The sheer randomness of the comment caught Kazi off guard, and she could only blink her confusion, eyeing Carinthia. 

Marital conversations she expected from Daria. But the opinion of a stranger, and especially the opinion of someone like Carinthia, both annoyed and unsettled her. Her bafflement must have been obvious because Carinthia shrugged, tucking a crimson curl behind her ear.

“I researched Ceaia when you first joined the network,” Carinthia said. “A woman of your age should have been married by now, and with two kids.” She sniffed. “Your culture emphasizes marital duty, yet here you are. Unmarried and childless, unless you count Neyti, whom I don’t.”

Electing nonchalance to defensiveness, Kazi shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. “I never agreed with that part of my culture.”

“That’s not so surprising.” Carinthia snickered. “Your life has always been so easy. I suspect ignoring a major part of your culture’s expectations was something you could casually brush aside without fear of consequence.”

The condescension in Carinthia’s tone made her clench her jaw. Their introductions to the network differed, and even though their roles complemented one another, their interactions were few. But it was clear, from those few instances, that Carinthia didn’t care for her. Snide remarks, disparaging looks, tense disagreements.

“My life hasn’t been easy,” Kazi said stiffly. “I may not be a slave in one of the Empire’s mines, but not everything has gone my way, either.”

“No?” Carinthia picked at a nail. “You have a job. A home. You have people who love you. You’re safe and happy. Your life is the epitome of easy.”

Kazi had told herself the same thing over the last few months. The last decade. Her life was easy, her struggles were incomparable to those of others, and she had no right to complain. But there was one inaccuracy in Carinthia’s assessment: She wasn’t safe. And she didn’t appreciate someone like Carinthia judging her life.

“I’m not sure what your problem is”—Kazi arched a wry eyebrow—“but your life has been just as easy, if not easier.”

Anger flushed Carinthia’s face.

“You were born into a wealthy family on an Inner Rim planet,” Kazi said. “All you’ve known for the entirety of your life is luxury and wealth. You’ve probably never wanted for a single thing.”

“You know me so well.” Carinthia sneered, blue eyes cold and unfeeling. 

Kazi considered her for a moment and then shook her head. It was obvious Carinthia wanted an argument, but she wasn’t interested in one. Turning on her heel, she strode toward the warehouse’s door—

“I was forced into my marriage.” 

The words were hushed, and Kazi nearly ignored her fellow rebel, her hand poised on the door, but curiosity stalled her movements. Still turned away from Carinthia, she hesitated. Carinthia’s past wasn’t her business, and she had no desire to spend more time than necessary with members of the rebel network. Yet she couldn’t move.

“I was a dutiful wife. Obedient and loyal,” Carinthia murmured. “I was everything my parents expected me to be. What my husband and his mother expected of me. I was the perfect wife.”

Telling herself she would regret it, Kazi lowered her hand from the door and faced the other woman. 

Shadows embraced Carinthia’s lone figure. Mocking and delighted, they sunk her cheeks and nipped at her sharp collarbones. They dulled her eyes into vacuous pits of emptiness. 

“I was the perfect wife, until I lost my child.” An eerie smile sucked what little color remained in Carinthia’s face. “My husband expected a child. He said it was my duty to provide as many children as he desired.”

A hint of nausea curdled her stomach; an unnatural chill pimpled her skin.

“Losing my child…losing her was…” Carinthia shook her head, wiping at her mouth. “The Empire came to power shortly after and I refused to sit quietly while my husband supported Palpatine’s domination. I was ostracized from my family for speaking out, for losing my child, for not providing another so quickly. I ran away, got in contact with the network, and made myself useful.”

It was like looking through a window to an alternate timeline. 

The haggard face before her—the cold resentment and unfeeling disdain—belonged to the woman Kazi could have been if she hadn’t left her mother’s house. If she hadn’t found another opportunity. 

“My daughter would have been two today,” Carinthia said, her voice breaking. She glanced at the dusty windows lining the top of the warehouse, blinking away her emotion until a cool, unaffected mask sat in place. “Did you make it to the kid’s field trip?” 

Kazi regarded Carinthia carefully. “I did.”

A bird’s song eclipsed the silence between them. Kazi briefly considered offering platitudes of sympathy, but she knew Carinthia would dismiss them. 

“Have you ever been loved?”

The question was so casual and innocent that Kazi nearly laughed from its absurdity. It was the sincere curiosity on Carinthia’s face that convinced her to remain serious. To take Carinthia seriously. She answered truthfully, “When I was a kid.”

“I fell in love once,” Carinthia said. “When I was a young girl who knew no better.” 

Carinthia closed her eyes. Flickers of pale sunlight played along the planes of her face, softening the hurt deadening her features.

“I have found that love only leads to pain.” Carinthia laughed. Quiet and cold. “I used to crave that sort of intimacy more than life itself.”

Muscles stiffened down her spine and Kazi stilled. 

Long ago, when she was a little girl, she dreamt of falling in love. 

She dreamt she would live in the lighthouse. Revived and beautifully painted, it would be her castle. For she would be a princess, and one day she would meet a knight, and they would fall in love and she would never be alone. One day, she would never fear the indomitable vastness of loneliness. 

But dreams were fleeting and reality a wheel that crushed frivolous wishes and imaginings. She was a little girl who broke, and there was no knight to rescue her. 

So she clawed herself to safety, and it was isolating and exhausting, and she didn’t care for the progressive advice claiming she was brave and strong for standing on her own. She was tired of being strong, and she was tired of being alone. 

“I think you understand,” Carinthia said, “more than you let on.”

Kazi fisted her hands behind her back. “I’ve never fallen in love.”

“Why not?”

Once, there was a little girl inside of her who yearned for intimacy. Yearned for the vulnerability of trust. Yearned to be seen and known fully. 

But that girl was dead.

Kazi had killed her. 

Killed everything she represented: whimsical innocence of life; fantastical longing for companionship.

Most importantly, she killed the part of her that yearned for love.

Shrugging, Kazi opted for a lie. “I haven’t met someone I trust enough.”

“It’s hard to meet someone you can trust when you remain so closed off.”

Kazi scoffed, needing to lessen the intensity of emotions she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in so long. “Being quiet—”

“I’m not talking about a quiet personality.” Carinthia waved a dismissive hand. “I’m talking about vulnerability. Does anyone in your life actually know you?”

Kazi held Carinthia’s gaze. People knew of her. Old classmates at university, familiar faces at the harbor.

But she knew the truth. She knew there was a depth to the question most people wouldn’t understand; a depth she was all too familiar with. 

“Invulnerability will protect you from potential pain and hurt,” Carinthia said. Her smile was pitying. “It will also isolate you from meaningful companionship.” 

Chuckling uncomfortably, Kazi reached for the door. 

“There will come a day when you find yourself loved,” Carinthia said, approaching her at a non-threatening pace, her hands finding the pockets of her black jacket. “But that person will want to know you. They will want to know the best parts, and the worst parts, and everything in between. And one day, you will have to make a decision to either let them in or push them away.”*

A meter separated them. The icy blue of Carinthia’s eyes thawed. 

“What do you think you will decide?” 

The words plagued Kazi the rest of the day, containing a truth she refused to acknowledge or accept.

A truth that had haunted her for years.

28 Melona

Muted oranges fell prey to the darkening blue of the sunset.

Enjoying a cup of lemon juice she found inside the stasis along with a plate of warmed food, Kazi shifted her attention from the sunset to the people. 

Seated among the stalky ferns overrunning the backyard, Neyti was drawing on her sketchpad. Nearby, Nova was reading his datapad—most likely the scientific article detailing the creation of nysillin shots he had shared with Daria yesterday evening at dinner. 

At the edge of the jungle, Wolffe and Cody sparred, sweat dampening their shirts. Their muscles strained beneath the other’s fists. 

Wolffe jabbed and Cody sidestepped. A hand struck for Wolffe’s chest. He deflected it. A successive punch forced Cody to retreat. 

They seemed evenly matched, and while Cody was quicker, Wolffe was dirtier. A deflected strike turned into a well-aimed tap in an area that should have been off-limits. It earned a baleful glare from Cody.

The backdoor swung open, startling Kazi from her viewing, and she stiffened at the sight of her sister. Daria stilled, her lips pursing. They eyed one another, and based on Daria’s disgruntled scowl, Kazi expected their argument to renew. It was one signifier of their differing approaches to handling arguments.

Daria vocalized her discontent and issues, and she didn’t shy from engaging in heated conversations. If a problem existed, she confronted it. Once the argument ended, she moved on. Daria was quick to anger, but also quick to cool, so long as she believed herself and her ideologies to be respected.

Similar to her sister only in their defensive attitudes, Kazi preferred silence and avoidance in the hopes the argument would soon be forgotten. By others. 

Kazi never forgot conversations, and she never forgot the wrongs committed against her. There was an unintentional tallying list in the back of her mind. Categorized and kept locked away, she retrieved her list when an argument coalesced and she had to defend herself with the harbored evidence.

Until that breaking moment, she avoided possible arguments. Years with her mother antagonizing her anger, she learned it was best to mask herself. To pretend she agreed with someone in order to gain their approval. 

Teachers, parents, high society mothers. The masking protected her.  

Only seven days had passed since Kazi enforced the morning/evening potions but Daria looked better. Her cheeks maintained a healthy blush. The circles beneath her eyes were lighter. Even her honeyed hair appeared softer and fuller. Finger spasms and random sweats were notably absent.

Daria appeared the portrait of grace and poise she was known for back in their Reformist city. The youthful beauty and respectable personality mothers of high society males desired of a daughter-in-law.

A year ago, the rumor mill expected Daria to marry into one of the wealthiest Ceaian families. The day she turned twenty-five, per Reformist marriage customs, Daria would have announced her choice of husband, after seven years entertaining marriage proposals. 

Daria turned twenty-five this last Telona. And instead of marrying into a wealthy family and establishing herself as a well-known socialite, Daria would die young. Unmarried and childless.  

Marriage and children: the two dreams Daria had yearned for since they were younglings. Kazi had only ever related to Daria’s marital desires. Younglings were a different story, and one she never considered as a youngling herself. 

Daria had nurtured her dolls, and Kazi had nurtured her stuffed animals.

Their dreams were different, but back then, they didn’t care. They were excited for the other. Hopeful. And even after all this time, the only thing Kazi wanted was for Daria to be okay. To live.

Her sister’s withering glare made her heart sink. Awkwardly, she cleared her throat. “Thank you for dinner—”

Daria strode away, disappearing into the living area. 

Loosing a breath, Kazi faced the windows once more, folding her arms over chest. 

The sky was bruising. Neyti continued to work on her sketch, though she had moved to the table with Nova. Wolffe received a jab in his ribs. Cody’s smirk taunted him and the man faked two punches before kicking Cody in the thigh. From Cody’s outraged expression, kicking wasn’t allowed. Wolffe flashed his own smirk in response.

Near-silent footsteps entered the sunroom and joined Kazi at the windows. 

“When are you going to give Neyti the bird carving?” Kazi asked conversationally.

A strong nutty scent wafted through the air. From the corner of her eye, Fox slowly sipped his caf. Black caf lacking creamer or anything appealing. The chrono on the wall declared it was 20:30. 

“I haven’t decided if I will.” Kazi stared at Fox, waiting for an explanation. He released a heavy sigh. “She…doesn’t like me.”

The way he watched Neyti with Nova belied both the flatness and forced disinterest of his tone. Fox might have perfected a casual demeanor that hid most of his personal motivations and emotions, but Kazi knew he cared. She knew it, because she did too.

“If you give her a chance to get to know you—”

“Have you given her a chance?” He flashed her a taunting grin. “That kid wants to know—”

“It’s really none of your business.” Kazi tugged on the end of a braid, keeping her gaze on the two men sparring and not the curious little girl.

Fox chuckled lowly. “Wolffe complains about you using that phrase. Frequently.”

“Do you need something?” she demanded.

Amusement danced in his eyes and then sobered into contemplation. His expression was solemn as he said, “Sibling dynamics are never easy.”

Kazi dug her fingernails into her biceps to stifle a reaction, even as embarrassment warmed her face. The reason she worked so hard to keep her life private—the reason she locked away her emotions and hid herself—was to protect from the judgment and criticism of others. She knew she was imperfect. But it was humiliating when others realized her own flaws. 

“The oldest sibling believes himself responsible for the youngest,” Fox said. “He wants to protect his sibling. He wants to see his sibling succeed. And then you have the youngest. He wants to make his older sibling proud. He sees his effort and sacrifice. And he’s grateful.”

Outside, Cody landed a sharp jab to Wolffe’s ribs. Wolffe staggered back a step. He spat into the ferns and raised his fists, beckoning Cody forward.

“The youngest sibling wants the older sibling to respect him.” Fox set aside his mug, tucking his hands into the pockets of his trousers. “The youngest views himself as a burden. Or a responsibility.”

Kazi slid her eyes in his direction. “I thought you were a marshal commander. Wouldn’t that make you the oldest?”

“I’m not the oldest of my mates.” His chin dipped toward Wolffe and Cody. “I know my maturity makes me seem older.”

She snorted, and his lips curved into a half-smile. 

“It was Wolffe who dragged me off Coruscant,” Fox said, after a hesitant moment. “He forced me to leave. I didn’t want to.”

The confession surprised her. “You wanted to stay on Coruscant?”

“Wolffe showed up. Tried to order me around.” Fox breathed a rueful chuckle. “By that time, I’d been with the Empire for six months. I hadn’t deserted. And seeing Wolffe wasn’t easy. I’d thought he was dead. I’d hoped he was dead.”

Quick mental math explained the reason Fox refused to look in her direction. He hadn’t deserted until earlier this year. Around the time of the Purge, and only two months before the men arrived on Eluca.  

“I didn’t want Wolffe to risk his life for me,” Fox said. “And I didn’t appreciate him ordering me around. Telling me I needed to leave. I told him to fuck off. He stunned me and dragged me out. Got me off Coruscant.” Fox rolled his neck. “I woke up thinking he got me out because I was his responsibility. Nothing more. I found him in the cockpit and we got into a fight. Bruised each other up a bit. Had a nice long chat after.”

“I know what you’re trying to do.” Kazi reached for the white curtain near her, pretending to fix its tie. “But your situation was different. Daria is sick and unable to make her own decisions.”

Fox’s silence was intentional, and she chose to ignore it. 

“Thank you, by the way,” she said. He lifted a brow in question. “For the idea to repaint the front door and banister.”

Fox shrugged. “We’re here for the time being. Might as well make the house livable.”

Slightly offended by his comment, she wrinkled her nose. “The house was perfectly livable before you arrived.”

He threw her an unimpressed look. She rolled her eyes, reconsidering his statement. 

“You make it seem like you won’t be here for long,” she hedged.

“This is temporary.”

“But Wolffe is building a garden.” She waved a hand at the wired structure. “That’s fairly permanent.”

It sounded ridiculous, even to her ears, and she grimaced. But the thought of the men leaving, perhaps soon, unnerved her for some reason. Fox regarded her with a shrewdness that discomfited her further. A small line creased between his brows. 

“Wolffe and Cody are dedicated to the missions,” Fox said slowly. “I want to settle down. But for now, their focus is elsewhere.”

Surprised, she frowned. “You want to settle down?”

The thought of the men building their own home, possibly finding partners and having children, seemed a juxtaposition to the soldiers undermining the Empire. A quiet, domestic life contrasted the stressful, mission-oriented lifestyle they currently lived.

“I’m tired.” The honesty in his voice was detached, resigned. “We’re all tired.” 

Their sparring complete, Wolffe and Cody broke apart, joining Neyti and Nova at the table.

“They’re better at distracting themselves from it than I am.” Fox watched his brothers, his expression somber. “We all want the life we were told we couldn’t have. But they’re too afraid to go after it. So they’ll exhaust themselves with the missions ‘til they get injured enough they’re forced to stop. Or they’re killed.”

Malaise shivered down her spine and Kazi realized she was gripping the curtain so tightly her fingers were numbing. She loosened her grip, rubbing her hands together. “And you’ll follow them, even when you want to stop?”

“Always.” 

Kazi studied Fox, noting the circles beneath his eyes and the wrinkles marring his forehead. She wanted to tell him he deserved the quiet, simple life he desired. That they all deserved it. But it was obvious he already knew he deserved it, and her repeating it was unnecessary. Her thoughts must have translated to her features because Fox shrugged blasely, excusing himself and taking his cup of caf outside. 

Waiting a few seconds to give Fox space, Kazi approached the outdoor table. Neyti waved at her, her grin eager, and she proudly showed Kazi her new sketch—a portrait. 

For someone so young, the intricate details in Daria’s face—the freckles along her cheeks and the tiny birthmark on her jaw—were eerily realistic. Neyti even captured Daria’s gentle countenance and the kind youth in her smile. 

The portrait was a surreal reminder of the impending future: a contrast of Daria’s liveliness to her hastily-approaching terminality. Soon Kazi would never again see her sister’s smile. The healthy blush to her cheeks. The humored crinkles around her mouth. The adventurous twinkle in her eyes. 

Such reminders crawled along Kazi’s back, like a fishing hook trying to snag her muscles and drag her far, far away. She forced herself to focus on Neyti. To smile and compliment the artwork. To follow Neyti as the little girl set aside her sketchpad, approached the neighboring jungle, and determinedly trekked through the luscious flora. 

Eventually they found themselves wandering the perimeter of the lake. Neyti led the way. Every few meters she stopped to sniff a new set of flowers, and Kazi plucked a handful, twisting the stems into a small flower crown. 

Soon, Wolffe joined them, his silent presence comforting and welcomed, and when Kazi placed the colorful crown atop Neyti’s head, he complimented the style, earning himself a blushing grin from the little girl. And a small, appreciative smile from the crown’s creator.

Beneath the crepuscular sky, the jungle’s nocturnal fauna awoke. Bioluminescent flora silvered the soiled trail and mossed the trees. The lake quietly lapped at the shore. Stars winked their knowing mischief, mirrored across the lake’s stilled surface. Glowing pale green plants sprouted. 

As the sky darkened further, flickers of yellow scintillated. Lightning bugs. 

Neyti stood at the edge of the lake and regarded the bugs with childlike awe. Even Kazi considered them with intrigue. They landed on her arms, zapped her with their stingers, and then moseyed along their way. 

A hum of bugs and trills of nightly birds filled the clearing. Tension Kazi had held for months—for years—soothed into quiet currents she could easily ignore. It had been a while since she last appreciated the natural beauty of the world around her. 

“I saw you talking with Fox.” Wolffe stood beside her, their elbows grazing every so often, his voice quiet so that Neyti couldn’t overhear. “You get along well.”

An unspoken question, maybe curiosity, underscored his tone and Kazi searched his face. For once, he wasn’t watching her. Rather, he overlooked the lake, eyes skimming between patches of sparking yellow.

“We’ve talked a few times,” she said. Hesitating, she knocked her elbow against his—sportive in its intent. “He cares for you. A lot.”

“I know,” he said roughly.

Oblivious to their conversation, Neyti moved from the lake’s edge toward the fallen tree. She sat on its trunk and outstretched a hand. A few seconds passed before a lightning bug landed in her palm. Her soft inhale of glee reached them and Kazi felt herself smile. 

Wolffe sighed. “Fox has endured a lot.”

“You all have.”

“Cody and I had generals to rely on. When things turned for the worst.” He levelled the full weight of his gaze on her. “Fox didn’t have someone to share responsibility with. He was on his own for most of the war. And after…”

The nearby trees’ bioluminescence cast Wolffe in a silvery-blue light. It reflected in his cybernetic and swirled among the rich depths of his dark brown eye. His eyes wandered across her face, and each place they rested, her skin warmed.  

“Fox doesn’t open up much. And he keeps things to himself to lessen the pressure on Cody and me.” His probing look was exasperated and pointed. “He thinks he’s doing us a favor. But he’s not.” 

Kazi lifted her face toward the stars and one of Eluca’s rising moons. 

Sometimes Wolffe read her too well. 

“Are you insinuating something?” she said.

“You know I am.” His elbow bumped hers gently. 

“You said it yourself,” she murmured. “He doesn’t want to burden you and Cody.”

“Tell me, Ennari”—Wolffe leaned closer—“is that why you do everything on your own?” 

“We’re not talking about me.”

“Answer the question.”

Still observing the stelliferous horizon, Kazi swallowed, thinking about the tattoo inked into her spine. “Who better to rely on than myself?”

There was a pause and then, his voice quiet, Wolffe said, “I’m here.”

Starlight, like dewdrops, glistened; a small smile tugged on her mouth. “Is this an invitation to be friends?”

Wolffe chuckled. “Thought we already were.”

Kazi laughed, the carefree sound earning her a toothy grin from Neyti. The little girl waved in their direction and then chased after another lightning bug.  

“You have an odd view of friendship,” Kazi remarked. From the corner of her eye, Wolffe shrugged, his head angled back as he studied the silver-dotted canvas. She surveyed the unfamiliar stars too, seeking constellations she knew she wouldn’t find. Jokingly, she said, “You could do better.”

“I prefer you.”

Above the treetops, alone and bright, the first moon had fully risen when Kazi returned her gaze to Wolffe. He was already staring at her.

“My father used to tell me that life was about finding the little things. Finding them and enjoying them.” They were close enough she could feel the heat from his body. Or maybe it was simply her own skin blushing beneath his unwavering stare. “You went from war to desertion to these missions, and I want to know… Do you feel alive?”

Wolffe held her gaze for multiple heartbeats and then looked away. Looked toward the lake’s mirrored surface. 

The question was cryptic and obscure. A question borne from the safety of night’s vulnerability and spurred by the man whose hollow eyes were far too familiar.

“I’m not sure. I’m mostly surviving out of instinct. Keeping my brothers alive, rescuing other men. I haven’t had an opportunity since the war to figure it out.” He angled his face towards her. “You’re the same way.”

Kazi wanted to argue. To disagree and flippantly brush aside his statement as lacking true depth and understanding of her persona. 

She didn’t.

Because he was correct. She attended finishing school out of duty, and strived to succeed out of a desire to earn her mother’s recognition. To be perfect. The fear of marriage—the fear of never being enough for a happy marriage—enforced her decision to run away from home and attend University. It dominated her career choice.  

Daria’s disease, the Purge, Neyti. 

Hiding from the Empire, trying to start a new life, working for the rebel network.

It was different from Wolffe, their experiences incomparable: his survival driven by the raw, human instinct to stay alive; her survival driven by the basic human desire to keep existing.  

Long ago, though, she had known what it was like to live. It was a fleeting warmth she could still feel hints of, and yet, when she reached for it, it evaded her. Like a lightning bug uncapturable. 

However, in a clearing lit by bioluminescent matter and a single moon, standing close to a man whose gaze didn’t leave hers, Kazi didn’t feel so alone. 

“Being alive isn’t a crime,” she said into the silence, a subtle question edging her tone. Wolffe searched her countenance, just as she did his, as if they mutually needed the reassurance of the other. 

“It’s not,” he murmured. 

“Sometimes it feels like it is.”

Wolffe brushed a stray hair from her forehead. “I know.”

Bugs glowed. A frog croaked. More stars blinked.

The world existed, lost to its own machinations, and still their gazes lingered.

Masterlist | A Muse | Chapter 13

A/N: It’s intentional that both Kazi and Wolffe are trying to find meaning to their lives. This fic isn’t about them “saving” the other. They’re both broken people who are hurting, but they’re both also trying—for their families, for each other, for themselves. 

* Line inspired by Measure of a Man, Chapter 15: "You laugh now, but one day, you're going to meet someone and they're going to want more of you than you're used to sharing. They're going to want it all: good, bad, brilliant, and ugly. You'll have to choose between forcing them out or letting them in." His gaze returned to the heavens, a smirk playing at the edges of his lips. "I'm curious to see what you'll do."

[hard-core-super-star]

half happy and half overwhelmed?? lmao I thought the emoji was because you would be melting with happiness 😭 well, that's still progress, it's always about the result and not how long it took you or what you did to get there, the order of the factors doesn't change the results. you still have the right to be annoyed about it tho. and because of nine sentences you didn't write 19 sentences- thank you, it demand a lot from my only braincell.

Jshsjkak I just confirmed what you said 👀 I mean, I don't really mind, but I'd still like to see you complete the sentences. okay, you won and it was a very smart move, I'm still shocked that you just turned it against me 😔

wait, I'm still swallowing this fact, it's really crazy that your life basically revolves around this number and that's so cool at the same time. don't hold back from saying that something else involving 19 happened, it would be cool to know.

do you have a favorite character that you like to play? I have a love-hate relationship with TikTok and yes, I agree, and most of the time it's without any supervision. talking about things like that about 10/11 kids makes me realize that I'm getting old 🫠

that was indeed a funny joke, so I guess you're right. hmmm you may be right once again, because this person is cool and in fact seems to have a great sense of judgment, maybe I'll let that person know that.

these are the best! It's so good sometimes to just turn off your brain and watch something without thinking too much. so on top of that you are also an analyst? interesting. OKAY- you got me on that one jhdjwwkja. but hey, gayer is better. THAT'S SUPPOSED TO RELIEVE WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE??? LMFAOO. i know i know i know 😌

– 🌟

i mean, yeah sometimes that's accurate. i usually melt when i reread them later and i’m like,”wow, this actually wasn't that bad.” stop, i’m stealing this and putting it on my wall. lmao, should i try to make all my headcanon sets 19 sentences afkdkksafkd. your one brain cell works very hard.

askdkkssk yeah? and what did that confirmation get you? 👀 imagine what would happen if i did complete them, i’m already getting people calling me out in my inbox. we’d have complete chaos. glad to hear i still manage to surprise you ☺️

i don't think it's that cool i think i just have issues lmao. but i appreciate it. honestly, the list is kind of stupid but i will say there was a livestream on october 19th last year and tegan quinn herself replied to my comment out loud. so, i have a video of tegan saying my [real] name.

is it too predictable if i say the flash? 😶 green arrow too. and sometimes superman. same, i technically have a TikTok account but i barely ever go on it. i feel so old sometimes, especially when i go on rants like these lmao. like i’m not that old but some of my opinions make me sound like a grandma.

“i guess” i’ll that as a win lmao. i think i’m incredibly right so you shouldn't be shy and let the person know 😄

i agree, although sometimes i still think about subtext and stuff because that's the way my brain is wired. [Ocean’s 8 is a great example of this] i mean, i’d call myself more of an overthinker than an analyst but sure. aksjdjsj i agree, gayer is always better. YES!!!??? IS IT NOT ENOUGH??? i- was that- did you just- 🥹