#especially because i kept getting bullied and shit and the mods sat by and did NOTHING

[thegardengrows-infrozenrain]

i'll also note, somewhat related, bad vibes and drama and ships and stuff, this reveals this blog to all the mfs in the server who hated me but...

hi, i was the tomxtamara oneshot microfic kiss guy - i actually wrote that to test the no kissing rule, which was written as a server rule by matt himself (as they applied it to shipping fanfic as well) and the mods left that up and just said it was weird because tamara is tom and thus it was selfshipping but all the gay stuff involving the same kinda brief kissing got removed.

yknow the mods that matt and bing had to add themselves because they were the only people in the server with a role high enough to add mods.

and this was after (and you could scroll the art channel to confirm, i'm not subbing to a patreon to scroll the server again, and i think i'm still banned anyhow soo-) they changed the rule. originally they had a no ships AT ALL rule, canonxcanon OR ocxcanon, guess what was left up? art of tom and a woman drawn by some guy who later joined the beyond animation team - even ocxcanon gay art would get removed back then, but the straight stuff? stayed up.

more bullshit under the cut because the server was wild and i mean that in a really negative way, though i will bring up, here instead,

server curator (a step below mods, basically the role you got before being mod for real) laly (username frequencyburbs) saying tord larsson kind of had the harassment coming for having such a unique name like tord larsson. i am serious this happened. no one said anything or told them off for how fucked up of a comment that was, in fact everyone started fucking agreeing-

i'll try to find the screenshot for that specific one later and probably edit it into the post, as iirc it's still in one of my friends's old servers, it was actually fucking ridiculous LMAO

i also got banned for saying that wattpad had some good fanfiction and we maybe shouldn't let the mods/curators (and team member franpun!!!) all go in mocking fanfic writers and like actual children (something about 13 year olds writing gay tomtord fics set post-the end and they didn't like it), because apparently my comment "hurt someone" who was buddies with the mods and half the server literally blocked my discord account for that. all the popular bitches, basically. i think even a couple of mods blocked me for it.

and then there was liam, the underage kid who said the n word a lot (which was the server moments twitter's downfall) and who personally targeted me with the server moments account because i said i didn't want my messages out in public because i'd been dealing with shit from the fandom already so they made a point to keep posting my messages and refusing to take them down. made fun of me several times for it as well.

the mods also claimed to support LGBTIAQ+ people and would ban for homophobia... only to turn around and scold ME and threaten to ban me when i told kids that the "edd is colasexual/tom is objectsexual/tord is animesexual/matt is mattsexual and they're all cis" jokes were homophobic/transphobic.

also after the tbatf drama (the "you should go j//mp off a r//f for your birthday"-jax to some kid, gr//ping kids at cons from all the tbatf chicks, and the merch deal that fell through when they insulted matt) they let people talk some light shit abt tbatf... until they quietly let jax back into the server (or was it brittany? it's been a while i don't completely recall anymore) and then you had to stop or have the mods threaten to ban you for "off topic discussion".

they also don't let anyone use the eddsworld logo/edd's font for official shit because people "might get confused that you're official" (mostly because they made edd's font, the comic dialogue font, a paid download. yknow the font made by a dead guy? a dead guy who originally posted it online for free WITH THE INTENTION THAT PEOPLE WOULD USE IT, that i hunted down as a free download long before the patreon even existed? that you can still find as an ancient post on some font website's long-forgotten discussion forum? yeah, that font. anyways i have it as my browser font on firefox and have a custom program that makes it my font on windows just because it makes them mad lmao)

they've also locked a ton of recovered art from edd behind the patreon, and just some other generally skeevy greedy bullshit with patreon paywalls and whatnot as well.

so yeah uh basically b//y//nd team and anyone affiliated with them/their server is trash and i think we should absolutely discuss more of this

Anybody else getting really fucking bad energy from the fact that Matt ok'd Honey and Future Edd as a ship to the point of letting a bobs burgers shitpost about them go up on the official tiktok but the second a named black guy gets flirted with by Ell he suddenly 'jokes' about canonizing just this one comic to say Dan fucking died on his way home?

[paladinfeathers]

Headcanon for the Paladins (+ Matt and Allura) knowing their S/O since childhood? Like, since elementary school and earlier, maybe? Thank!

OH BOY, I'm a sucker for childhood sweethearts. Give me fluff, or give me death.

-Mod Rowan

LANCE

- It was your first day of the first grade, and you were at a brand new school. You were pretty terrified of all the new people and places around you, and it was all ten times more daunting because you were completely alone.

- That is, until tiny first-grader Lance walked up to you at recess and gave you some pieces of chalk. The two of you spent the rest of the hour drawing together on the ground, and you've been inseparable ever since.

- Being friends with Lance since childhood means you were unofficially adopted by his entire family. His parents treat you like their own child, and his cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents all see you as a relative.

- This also means you're probably able to hold a decent conversation in Spanish. Kids soak information up like sponges, so essentially growing up in a bilingual household means you learned a lot from the rest of the family.

- Hunk came into the picture a few years later, and maybe at first you were a little bit jealous of him, because for as long as you could remember it had just been you and Lance. But that jealousy faded quickly once you got to know Hunk, because he's a sweetheart. Now you have two best friends.

- It wasn't until your first year at the garrison that you realised you had feelings for Lance. Feelings that weren't quite platonic. It started when you saw him flirting with a really cute girl from one of your classes, and you were overcome by a sudden wave of nausea.

- At first you maybe thought you were coming down with a cold. But then it happened again, and again, and eventually you ended up crying against Hunk's shoulder because 'what the heck are these feelings and why do they exist?????'

- Lance would notice pretty quickly that something was bothering you. You guys have known each other for over a decade, after all. You know everything about each other, and you've shared all your secrets.

- When he confronts you about it, you just sigh and deflate, and tell him you think you're in love with him. There's no point in trying to hide anything. He's a total dork, but he's perceptive. He'd figure it out eventually.

- But OH BOY. The grin on this nerds' face.

- He's just so relieved because he loves you too??? He's loved you since you guys were ten, and now he gets to shout it to the world! If it's okay with you, of course.

-Honestly, you two have the cutest relationship, built on years of trust and friendship and honesty.

- You're his biggest supporter when you all end up in space and he becomes a paladin of Voltron.

- "Heck yeah babe, kick some alien ass!!"

HUNK

- You guys met in kindergarten, during lunch. You kept to yourself mostly, and didn't notice the new kid until a bunch of people started whispering about his lunch.- Everyone else had fruit gushers or lunchables, and Hunk had a delicious-looking homemade meal. Of course, some kids are giant assholes, so a few of them were poking fun at him for the 'weird food' he had.- Especially this one kid, who always got time outs at recess for pushing the other students and calling them names.- So you, quiet little you, marched up to this kid who was lurking over Hunk's shoulder and saying rude things, and dumped your entire thermos of soup over his head.- Of course, the kid tattled, and both you and Hunk got into some deep shit (no matter how many times you tried to explain that Hunk hadn't done anything). - But when you were both sat inside during recess for your time-out, Hunk quietly thanked you for standing up for him, and offered you a snack from his lunch bag. "Since you dumped your lunch all over that kid."- Thus begun your wonderful friendship.- His family loves you, and spoil you with food and treats and hugs. You adore them. They're your home away from home. When you're at Hunk's place, you have no worries. You can just be yourself, and be completely honest about everything, and you know you won't face any judgement.- So the afternoon that Hunk's mom sits you down in private on the couch is a bit of a shock. You're thirteen at that point, and just beginning your awkward high school journey. You don't really know what to do about this sudden confrontation.- But Momma Garrett just smiles at you knowingly. "I see the way you look at my son." You entire face gets hot, and she tries very hard to hide a laugh. "You two would be wonderful together. Ever since he met you, he's been more confident and happy."- You're SHOOK.- Because what the heck, you thought you were being inconspicuous, but here comes your Unofficial Mom, telling you that you should definitely date her son.- You need some time to think.-And by 'some time' you mean, a few years.- You don't tell Hunk about your feelings until the summer before you joined the garrison. - He hadn't thought about you in a romantic way before, and for a while you're heartbroken. Because you think he doesn't love you back. You feel embarrassed and dumb and emotional, and it kind of just sucks.- But over the next few weeks, Hunk thinks more and more about you. About what a great person you are, about how you inspire him to be the best version of himself. About how cute you are, with your corny jokes and bad puns, and your bright smile, and your warm eyes...and how you light up a room when you walk in...and how your laughter makes his heart beat a million times a minute...- OH.- He goes to your dorm immediately to tell you that he most definitely loves you too.- You two are #Couple Goals. And Lance won't stop gushing about how adorable you guys are. Even when you're in space. You're still the Couple Of The Century.

KEITH

- Oh boy.- You met this kid shortly after his mom left. - He was angry, and sad, and confused. It was all very intense, and you had a hard time understanding what he was going through.- Actually, for a while he didn't even recognize you as his friend. At recess, you'd sit near him and play, since he didn't want to join in. You'd take the seat beside him during classes, and at lunch you'd quietly slip some of your gummy candies onto his plate.- You didn't expect him to acknowledge you ever. I mean, he hadn't paid you any mind for the last few months, so why would he start?- Until one day, the class bully tripped you on the playground. You started crying because you skinned your knee and ripped your pants, and the jerk started mocking you for being a crybaby.- ENTER KEITH.- This tiny boy tackled the fuck out of that bully, fists and curses flying everywhere. You'd never heard a seven year old swear before, but then you met Keith.- "How dare you hurt my best friend!!"- The bully had a bloody nose and a sprained wrist by the time a teacher managed to pull Keith off of him. The rest of the kids on the playground were now mildly terrified of him. But you? You looked at him and saw an angel.- From then on, you were a pair. Someone saw Keith in the hallway? Y/N was nearby. Some students wanted you in their group for a project? Nope sorry, Keith has to come too.- You stayed like that all throughout your lives, never giving a damn about what other people thought of your relationship.- By the time you were both established in the garrison, everyone knew that you two were a package deal. But then the Kerberos team disappeared, and Keith got expelled, and then vanished into the desert without a word.- Anyone with eyes could see that you were going out of your mind without your best friend around, without your sole source of comfort. He hadn't contacted you, or left a note, or any way of finding him...- So no one was really surprised when a few pieces of garrison technology went missing, along with you. A few of the other students had made a betting pool to guess how long it would take you to run off to try and find Keith.-But find him, you did.- He was really surprised when he returned from the desert one afternoon, only to find you sitting on the floor of his dwelling reading over his maps, while munching on a bag of candies.- "Keith Kogane, you are such an asshole, you know that?"- He has the decency to look ashamed for leaving you behind. "I'm sorry. I just- I needed to do this. I need to find Shiro-"- You jumped on him and squished him into a hug, trying to convey without words how worried you were.- You wanted to stay with him after that, but he managed to convince you to return to the garrison. If not to help yourself, then to help him find information about what really happened during the Kerberos mission. If you were still at the garrison, you'd have access to information he didn't.- But you made sure to stay in contact.- You guys didn't start dating until after he'd become a paladin. You were worried sick when team Voltron went on their first mission together. So worried, that the moment everyone returned to the castle and Keith stepped out of the Red Lion, you ran up to him and planted one right on his mouth.- You guys are adorable.

SHIRO

- You guys met in the third grade, when your teacher paired you up for the class science fair. At first you were a little bit bummed, because you had big ideas and you really doubted that any other eight-year-olds would be able to keep up with you. But here comes Shiro, who not only liked your ideas, but was able to understand everything and even contribute to the project.- After that, you two were always together. You both loved that you had someone who shared your passions with as much fervor as the other.- You drifted apart for a little while in high school, when you got sucked into the world of peer pressure and started hanging out with the 'cool kids'. You stopped showing interest in science and mathematics, and instead followed the lead of your 'friends' by gossiping and skipping class.- Eventually, your grades started to suffer, and your parents and teachers decided to set you up in a tutoring program. And your tutor? Shiro.- You were distant at first, embarrassed by the kind of person you'd become, and anxious because 'this is the guy who you left in the dust'. And honestly Shiro's a little bit mad at you for leaving him, too. Especially because you left him for the jerky popular kids.- After a few tutoring sessions though, you finally open up to him about everything, about your insecurities and why you felt the need to give up your intelligence. He understands, of course he does. He's always had a strong sense of self, so what the other students said never really got under his skin. But you faced a lot of pressure, from family, from other people, from the world. He gets it.- By the time you finish your tutoring with him, your friendship is stronger than ever, and you're back to your old self; kind, goofy, and smart.- You end up shocking the popular kids with your newfound confidence, and by the end of high school you and Shiro are now beloved in your school. Everyone admires that you're kind to other students, and are always willing to help.- It's not a surprise when you both get accepted into the garrison, and later graduate at the top of those classes too.- But then Shiro went on the Kerberos mission. You can't stop thinking about how it should have been you, instead of him.- You'd been offered a job on the shuttle, but you had been scared. In that fear, you had respectfully declined...only for your best friend to get the offer instead.- And he died. Because you believed yourself a coward.- The 'what if' scenarios wouldn't get out of your head. What if you hadn't been afraid? You'd shouldn't have been afraid. You'd been training for this for years. You should have said yes. If you'd agreed to the mission, like you were supposed to, Shiro would be alive and safe. You can't stop beating yourself up about it.- Then it turns out that Shiro actually IS alive??? And the entire time you're with him, you're in shock. What do you say in this situation? 'Hey best bud, I'm glad you're not dead.' ?- When things settle down a bit, finally, and you're all in the castle and the lions have been retrieved, you tug Shiro aside and take him for a walk around the hallways.- You're both anxious. The tension between you two is tangible, and you can both feel it.- So you decide not to say anything. Instead, you stop in the middle of the hall, take Shiro's face between your hands, stretch up on your toes, and kiss him.- And this man is a dork, who am I kidding? He probably giggles part way through the kiss, and you hide your face in his shoulder and tell him to shut up. You love each other very much.- Space Power Couple.- Also, he likes watching you fight. Your intelligence was always an attractive quality, but watching you move around and destroy enemies? It does things to him.

PIDGE- You're maybe in the same grade as her, maybe you're one year up, and you're new to the school. At lunch, you always hear other students muttering about the nerdy girl named Katie. 'Katie always has her face in a book' or 'she's always drawing diagrams'. Things like that. You've never liked the way that kids get mean and gossipy, as if being smart is a bad thing.- You make it your personal mission to find out who this Katie person is, and befriend her. Everyone needs friends, right?- You had a plan to approach her at lunch, and offer her some cookies you'd made with your dad that had been iced so they looked like spaceships and robots. You figured that snacks would be a good way to break the ice.-But then you saw some of the fifth graders picking on her, stealing one of the books she always wrote in, tearing the pages out, and throwing the remains over a fence into someone's backyard.- She's rightfully pissed at them, but the recess bell ensures that she's not able to go retrieve what's left of her book. So, you hide in a bush while the rest of the students file into their classrooms, and then you sneak into the yard to pick up the pieces.- The next day, you approach Pidge at lunch. Cookies in one hand, mended book in the other. She's excited about the cookies, but nearly cries when you give her back her book.- The pages are crinkled, but they're taped back together in the correct order, and honestly its the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for her?? You also added a drawing in the back of the book; a picture of a robot with rocket arms and a mouth that dispenses snacks. - She won't tell anyone, but she loved that drawing so much, she still has it taped to her bedroom wall.- Fast forward a couple of years, she's still a little bit awkward around people. But you love that about her. You love how passionate she is, and even if you don't always understand what she's talking about, her energy is contagious and you can't help but get excited too.- That being said, you HAVE learned a lot from her over the years. You're not as knowledgeable as she is, but you're able to build computers and complete basic codes.- You've probably also become friends with Matt over time, too. He and his sister are really close, so the fact that you're her extra supportive best friend? You're a good bean, to him. He calls you this. Matt calls you a Good Bean. Matt is a dork.- And you never stop supporting her, especially when the Kerberos mission goes south, and she loses two people she loves. When she gets caught sneaking into the garrison, you immediately apply for a scholarship there. If Pidge needs information, you'll help her get it.- You get accepted into one of the programs there, and you decide to tell her on the day you move into your dorm. But then.- You see her in the hallway.- With short hair.- In the boy's dorms????- You kind of just stare at each other for a moment, before simultaneously yelling at each other "what the heck are you doing here???", "I go to school here!!", "What? Since when?!", "Stop saying everything I'm saying!!". Honestly you guys are two peas in a pod, you even yelled the same things at each other.- You guys settle down and find a quiet place to explain yourselves. She's touched that you would go through all of this to help her out. Of course you would go through all of that for her, you love her. "LIKE A FRIEND." you quickly correct yourself.- Pidge doesn't believe that one bit, but at the moment, she's not ready to date anyone and she doesn't want to make things tense between you two by rejecting you. So she accepts your explanation. For now...- You don't start dating until after she bonds with her lion. She's in a better place, emotionally and mentally, and she tells you this. "So...if you want to ask me out now, I wouldn't say no."- You hide your face in your hands, but ask her on a date anyways.- Spoiler, she says yes.- You guys have a picnic in Green's head while you fly around the stars.- You're the cutest, nerdiest couple.- And when Pidge gets Matt back, he loudly proclaims that he saw it coming from a mile away.

MATT

-You officially met Matt in the fifth grade. Before then, he'd just been another face in your class. But you got paired with his little sister as a reading buddy, and from her, Matt had heard all about you.- "Y/N is the best reading buddy. They like that I love science.", "Today we read a book about computer codes. Y/N even taught me some things about building computers.", "Matt, did you know that Y/N built their own laptop? They brought it to school today to show me and it's so much better than the computers in the classrooms."- Ten year old Matt is honestly a little bit jealous of this mystery person that his favourite sister keeps gushing about. But at the same time, he's really glad that someone else is encouraging Pidge in her interests, and having fun with her. But he's still a little jealous.- Until he actually sees you at school. And wow, you're really cute? His tummy does a little flip when he sees you for the first time, and it concerns him because he's never had a feeling like that before?- He walks right up to you though, and thanks you for taking such good care of his sister. And you smile, because you're really glad to know Katie, she's such a sweet kid, and she has so much potential. "It's also really nice that another kid here likes computers as much as I do."- He very awkwardly tells you that HEY, he likes computers too so maybe you guys should hang out sometime and....talk? about computers. And stuff. He fizzles out into a blushing mess by the time he's done asking you to be friends.- But you're not deterred. You like Matt. Katie talks about him a lot, and he seems like a good person. So your parents arrange a weekend for you two to get together, and it's the start of the dorkiest friendship ever.-No really, you're huge dorks. You guys have projects you work on specifically with each other, and you geek out over sci-fi and dumb memes and the latest news from his Dad's work. - "Matt, I didn't think we were allowed to know about your Dad's work?"- "We're not. Which is why I sneaked past their firewalls and...borrowed the encrypted information...."- "Matt Holt!! You stole from a government facility??!?!"- "I didn't steal it! I plan on giving it back!"- Matt, you can't give back non-tangible information. But you sigh and go along with it, because honestly you're just as curious as he is.- When you're teens, he gets accepted into the garrison a year before you do, due to his ridiculously smart brain as well as references from his Dad. - You miss him dearly for the year he's not in your classes, but he makes sure to send you secret messages from the garrison. He tells you how amazing it is, and how much he's learning, and how great everyone there is. It makes you feel a little bit lonely, because you're stuck in a plain, average world while you best friend is off having the time of his life.- But when you show up at the garrison the next year, everything is as it should be. You and Matt are back together, you're working hard, and your future is bright.- Your re-meeting was strange, though. You got along with Matt as splendidly as ever, but he was just. Gentler towards you? He stood closer to you than he used to, and often had a hand somewhere on your person - your shoulder, your wrist, the small of your back. Sometimes, from the corner of your eye, you'd see him smiling softly at you. Not that you minded any of this.- In fact, you reveled in the attention.- When Matt gave you the news that he'd be going on the Kerberos mission, you were nothing short of proud. You saw how hard he worked, and you knew how brilliant he was. This was an incredible opportunity, and he deserved it more than anyone.- On the day of his departure, you gave him a simple silver necklace, with a square locket dangling from the center. "So you don't forget about me! But you can't open it until you're in space, okay?". You made sure that he promised.- You said your farewells, your hug lingering a little longer than what could be considered platonic. For a moment, you wondered if you should just tell Matt what was in the locket. But no, that would ruin the surprise, and you didn't want to risk rejection before your best friend left for over a year.- Months later, you got the news that the entire Kerberos team had been killed, and you couldn't believe it. Shiro, and Sam, and Matt, were three of the smartest people you knew. They wouldn't have made a mistake. - So you ran to the Holt's house to try and learn the truth, but you only found Pidge and her mom, crying in each other's arms. As soon as you were pulled into the hug, you cried too. Cried for your best friend, cried for the person you loved.- For weeks, you felt empty. Nothing mattered anymore. When Matt died, it was like your happiness went with him. What was the point of having a future if he wasn't in it?- You were completely devoid of hope. Until one day, Pidge showed up at the garrison under an alias. From that moment on, you did everything in your power to help her. The evidence she had suggesting the Kerberos team was alive was astounding.- You never lost hope after that. Even through all the space battles and wounds and combat training and goo-maker malfunctions, you never stopped looking for Matt.- And one day, you wandered out of your bedroom in the castle, still in your pajamas and barely awake. All the paladins were gathered in the common room, and at the center of them was an excited Pidge...and Matt.- Matt. MATT.- You caught his gaze over Pidge's head, and it was like the world around you stopped. - The next thing you knew, you were sobbing in his arms, holding onto him for dear life while he stroked his thumb over the nape of your neck. He kept you in a hug until your breathing had slowed and your tears had dried.- Then, you noticed the silver chain that still hung around his neck, and your entire face burst into flames.- "You, um...you kept it? Even after all this time?"- "Of course I kept it. You gave it to me. It...it helped keep me going. It reminded me of what else I had to come home to."- Somehow, you manage to blush even more. "So...you read my message inside the locket, then?"- Matt nodded and -for someone who's such a goddamned goof- placed the gentlest, sweetest, softest kiss on your lips, "I love you too."- You turn into mush.- You guys are sappy as fuck, and everyone pretends you're a gross couple. But honestly you're so perfect for each other it hurts. Pidge is pretty chuffed about your relationship.

ALLURA

- So, your parents and her parents were pretty good friends. That alone meant you'd have many chances to see each other as children. You were also born within the same year, so your age was another fact you had in common.- Honestly though, you're pretty easy to get along with. You were loyal and agreeable - the calm to Allura's storm. As small children, you spent your days playing in the flower fields, or having picnics together with your families.- As you got older, and Allura's responsibilities and obligations grew, you drifted. But not for long. You refused to let your friendship slip away. Even at nine years old, you were headstrong and determined. You marched straight up to Allura's father one afternoon, completely forgetting that he was the literal king of your planet, and demanded he let you join the royal guard.- "I need to protect Allura from bad people!" you had explained, even though you knew she could take care of herself. Your parents were embarrassed by your indignancy, but King Alfor had just laughed at your angry little pout and patted your head.- You had been far too young to join the guard, but with your parents' permission, he agreed to let you begin training under some of the senior officers.- You matured a little slower than Allura, since you weren't under the same kinds of pressures she was when it came to your social status and expectations. But over time you became level-headed and well-versed in Altean politics, often sitting in on some of your best friends' classes at the request of the King. (And after your classes, you'd study together and grumble that politics were kind of boring).- You didn't know why you were getting all this special training, but if it meant you got to spend time with Allura, then you were happy.- It wasn't until you were fourteen that you learned the truth. You had sneaked out of bed to get a drink, when you heard your parents whispering in another room. So you hid just outside the door and listened.- Your mother was worried that you were going to get stressed, and your father was assuring her that you were alright. Your lessons were doing a good job of preparing you for your future, without putting too much weight on your shoulders. Your mother had argued that being the future Left-Hand to the Princess of Altea was a lot of stress for a fourteen year-old child.- You didn't hear the rest of the conversation after that, because you'd slipped away back up to your room.- You sat down on your bed, and immediately called Allura on a visual-audio device she'd gifted you.- The two of you had sat up for hours afterwards, talking about what you'd heard your parents saying, and what that meant for your friendship.- "Y/N, it means we'll get to be friends forever! I couldn't imagine my life without you in it, and now you'll be here with me." - You were grateful that she had so much faith in you, and in return you worked your hardest so you could support her as a Left-Hand should.- Fast forward ten thousand years, when you, Allura, and Coran are awoken from the pods.- You had vague memories of Alfor telling you that you needed to fulfill your duties to Altea, and go with Allura into the pods. "When she awakes, however far in the future it may be, she will need as much love and support as she can get."- Everything that had happened only ended up pushing you and Allura closer together. With your people and planet gone, she and Coran were the only family you had left.- So you stand proudly by Allura's side, assisting her with anything and everything, and helping her remain strong. You laugh with her, and share her sorrows. You protect her when she needs it, and help her carry the weight of her hatred and anger. You do what you can to make sure she never feels alone.- You don't start seeing each other exclusively until a few weeks after the new paladins were chosen.- The two of you were milling around the control deck, trying to get the castleship back in order. Out of nowhere, Allura pulled you into a hug and thanked you. "You've been by my side for my entire life, and never once have I expressed my gratitude for it."- You assured her that she didn't need to thank you for your loyalty and kindness. She was your best friend, and you loved her dearly. She had always been the one person you could turn to in troublng times, and you trusted her with your life.- For a few seconds, you just sort of stared into each other's eyes. Then you both moved in, sharing a soft, sweet kiss.- And Coran is just kind of on the other side of the room, smiling about how wonderful it is that even after so much destruction and death, there is still happiness and love to be found.- You and Allura are the physical manifestation of 'hold my flower', 'kick his ass baby, I got your flower'. No seriously. She's a paladin, and you've been training most of your life to protect your Princess. You guys kick ass.

[anautisticdragon-blog]

"You're not understanding me, because if you were, you would agree. Let me try again, maybe you'll understand me if I just put it simpler, then you'd agree."

Manufactured Idiocy

I try to build bridges between myself and NTs all the time, one such effort was a neurotypical friend I picked up from an interesting community of people I cavorted with for a time, before the social interactions just got the best of me. I tried to believe that he could come around and not see everything from a tribal perspective, that he wouldn't always be trying to convert people to his tribe through fallacy, trickery, and force. It didn't work out. We're no longer friends. You see, the issue I have with NTs is the one that gave rise to the alt-right; An NT isn't able to accept that someone might disagree with them. It's just not within their power to accept that a person can exist outside of the tribes they believe they're in, and that that person can still be an equal. You must either be converted (forcibly, through pressure and bullying) into their tribes or you're somehow lesser. I ee this often in neurotypical debating tactics, and it's something I've come to think of as manufactured idiocy. It's where the NT tries to force the other person to feel unintelligent for not agreeing with them. The NT will claim that you're not bright enough to understand their explanation, that you can't grasp what it is they're saying, that somehow this is happening due to a failure to convey something in terms simple and comprehensible enough for their opponent to understand. You see, in their view, if they could do that then their opponent would naturally agree with them, or at least say that their opinions are valid, and all would be unicorns farting scented rainbows. The NT, being on the sociopathic spectrum, will use character assassination and try to undermine someone's self-esteem as these, to them, are valid tactics. The point is getting the person to agree, not the mutual sharing of information. Whereas on the autistic spectrum, when you have a person who's truly autistic (and this is an easy way to tell), you can have two people who'll be able to share ideas back and forth, disagree, and then not think of one another as lesser for doing so. I can hear the NTs out there now 'that's a fantasy, that's not how humanity ever works!' No, that's an autistic person's reality. My autistic partner and I do it all the bloody time, we disagree on some things but we respect one another as we are, both of us, cognizant of the importance of the diversity of thought. Innovation doesn't happen without the diversity of thought. The disagreement was about the kind of creativity I personally find appealing. I'll stress this, it wasn't about the 'correct' form of it, nor was it about the 'only' form of it, but rather the manner that I, personally, find to be the most appealing. It was an argument that arose from the most ridiculous source, because it always is with neurotypicals, they can make an absolute binary tribal-oriented focus out of any nonsense. You see, because I had a preference that wasn't their preference, I deserved to be struck down, smote for my opinion. How dare I? How dare! I said that I enjoyed creativity that arose from the fluke, that the optimisation of that fluke was less interesting to me on a personal level. I had to say this as the NT in question was pressuring me to be interested in how they were putting elements of a Minecraft mod pack together, in ways which I had done, and I'd known other people had as well. They believed there was something special in their way of following things to their logical conclusion that no one else had, as NTs love being special snowflakes. I find that NTs always have a propensity for that flavour of egomania, unfortunately. I explained to them that it was the fluke, the discovery, where someone found an entirely new use for something that was interesting to me. This lead them off on a mad spiel about how optimisation was as true a form of creativity as any (I never said it wasn't, you see), and that I should accept their gloriously brilliant, fantastic, creative mind and praise them for their efforts. Again, NTs tend to have an ego problem and if you don't feed their ego they can get quite nasty. Whereas, conversely, other spectrums (such as the autistic spectrum) are more prone to experiencing self-esteem and low confidence issues. i tried to explain to them that when an artist is simply mass-producing their work and never really trying anything new, it isn't interesting to me. I find that there's a lot of this on deviantART where artists will always use exactly the same side profile for everything, never bothering to learn about photography to practise different camera angles. I pointed out that my partner's favourite art pieces were the ones where they had attempted to set aside what they know and try stuff, and hten -- through a fluke -- discovered ways to make their art more interesting. In this way their artistic talent grows. That's what I find interesting about creativity. Apparently I absolutely need to equally value the person who takes that fluke and optimises it a little and see it as every bit as creative as the person who did that. It's like, yeah, you could just copy someone else's fluke and get the results that way but that isn't as interesting to my mind (personally, to me, I had to absolutely stress as a disclaimer) as the person who was just mucking about and found they could do something. An example I gave is that say you have an environment artist in a video game, clambering around the environment they created to see if they could find their way to places they shouldn't be able to. They reach a plateau and, even though it wasn't intended for the player to get there, they keep that path open so that others can see it. Then, the person gets an idea, it's certainly fulfilling to get here but what if it could be more rewarding? They plop a chest down there, fo rthe player to find if they manage to clamber up this insane, unintentional obstacle course. And lo, jumping puzzles are born. The person who comes along and optimises the jumping puzzle later to ensure that the geometry is correct and that the player has the smoothest experience is quite important, yes, but that's just taking what was already there to its logical conclusion. It isn't the same, for me, as the person who had the idea to put a chest atop that plateau in the first place. That's the kind of thing that inspires me, those stories are compelling as it's something impressive about how the human mind works. I find the fluke to be intriguing, and I personally feel that's a very important piece of the puzzle to solve in the process of crafting a thinking AI. This leads to a spiel about math and formula. I'm a computer programmer, he isn't, so this is especially funny to me. I sat there feeling devastated as he insulted my aptitude and told me that I didn't understand heuristics, formulaic systems, or anything like that. If I understood them as he did, I’d agree. Same as if I understood science the ‘correct’ way Creationists, Dark Matter Prophets, or Flat Earthers do I’d agree with them. Which I really don’t. I guess I don’t understand science, then! Poor me. Poor uneducated, stupid me.

It got to the point where I was just sadly shaking my head as I felt really hurt by this, it was just so petty of him to undermine me in this way, to try and attack me and bully me into accepting his viewpoint by insidiously attacking something I take pride in. I'm easily hurt, I have self-esteem issues. I wonder if I were neurotypical if that would've worked. Instead, I called him on his shit. I told him that insulting me and claiming that I couldn't understand math just because I didn't agree with his personal preference (I hope you see how WTF this is) is incredibly toxic and manipulative. I was tempted then and there to just call him on what he was behaving most like -- a vile sociopath. Instead, I asked him for exact examples to prove to me that I just couldn't understand his point. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Why? I don't know. I guess I just want to believe in people. There's that optimistic part of me that genuinely wants to believe that NTs aren't as horribly manipulative, Machiavellian, and borderline sociopathic as I've continued to find they are. In this way I will admit that I am an idiot, because I'm running the same experiment over and over and expecting a different result. I suppose I just want to believe in humanity, I want to have faith in us. I don't want to be any kind of misanthrope, I feel this plays on my guilt a lot. It leaves me open to attacks like this. So I gave him every opportunity. He gave me vague hypotheses that I pointed out didn't match reality. I kept asking for examples and finally he brought up the Tracer controversy. There was an opinion going around that Blizzard actually created that situation in order to get people angry to drive interest toward their game, and knowing that Blizzard does tend to be like that (they did make the most thoroughly, intentionally addictive game we’ve ever seen), I couldn't deny the possibility. So that's the example he gave me. The thing is is that even if it was indeed intentional, it was merely the same kind of system that propaganda has used for aeons. It's the very same trickery that British politicians used for Brexit! Just look up 'Nigel Farage anti-migrant poster,' and it's the same systems that Nazi Germany and Cold War America used to successfully propagandise their respective populaces with. It's why telling an American that they're not a 'patriot' is an insult worthy of hatred, these days. These systems have been knocking around for a long time, now, they're hardly new. I pointed this out to him and I told him that, no, I didn't think that it was ingenious, clever, or new. It was just building on something that already existed. I didn't see anything that appealed to my creative preference, there. I don't think he was expecting that, so this further devolved into attacks upon my intelligence and very nasty efforts to undermine my character. Clearly, if I wasn't this 'orrible bloody troglodyte, I'd agree with him. This is exactly what 9/11 Truthers, Dark Matter Prophets, Flat Earthers, Creationists, Skeptiks, the Alt-Right, or any cult-like group does and it's why I dislike them. In these wonderfully neurotypical groups, there's a common element you'll find: If you don't agree with them, you're either an idiot or a lesser creature. It's all down to the tribalism of the neurotypical spectrum, a tribalism that isn't shared by other spectrums. As I'm on the autistic spectrum I'm not so obsessively tribal in my perceptions, and when it does occur I tend to be very self aware of it and I try to fix it. I don't just double down on that tribalist attitude. This is exactly what neurotypicals do, though, isn't it? If they're confronted with how tribalistic they are, they just double down with their tribal-oriented focus rather than attempting to be self aware. My observations seem to find that the neurotypical spectrum is lacking in certain aspects of the 'Theory of Mind,' which fascinates me. That's interesting, isn't it? Oh, that's so interesting! It's almost like the NT view is that their minds are the correct default and fully apply to 'Theory of Mind' (whereas they really don't) and other spectrums don't. The truth is is that different spectrums apply to different parts of the 'Theory of Mind,' some better than others. What I find is that in the case of the neurotypical spectrum, their mindset lacks awareness of their own tribal-oriented biases and focuses, they're fully unable of even thinking outside of those boxes (and god have I tried to get them to). Other spectrums don't seem to have this problem. So, as an interesting artefact of their lack of self awareness, we see what I call Manufactured Idiocy where their cognitive dissonance will have them try to make their opponent seem less intelligent and erudite, even where that's completely contrary to reality. I invite people of other spectrums (including autistic persons, like myself) to talk to NT people and see if you can spot this. It's just one artefact of their lack of self awareness about their own tribalism. And I had to finally call off this acquaintanceship today as it was too harmful to my health, as even my heartfelt efforts to try to just agree to disagree fall flat. I'm tired of having an NT undermine my intellect and character at every turn. An autistic person wouldn't do this. I suspect that other spectrums wouldn't either, in my experience this is very specifically an NT problem due to their tribal-oriented biases and focuses. If you disagree with na NT they will try any nasty, insidious, manipulative tactic to get you to agree. Which includes, as we've covered today, manufactured idiocy. I'm sure that in their cognitive dissonance the NT I've called this acquaintanceship off with thinks that I'm a subhuman troglodyte for not agreeing with them. That isn't mutual. I still like and respect them. I just don't like their attitude. Nor do I like their lack of self awareness about this. The entire point of making this article, really, is so that people are aware of this and this particular tactic so that they don't fall for it due to low self-esteem. My BS alarm was ringing loudly when he tried to pull this on me, so... I'm sharing. I'm just tired by this point, so yes, this is going up on my personal rant blog. I suppose I wouldn't feel this sensitive about it, but this happened after another altercation not very long ago. One where my cat had just died and he actually used that to his advantage, he exploited my vulnerability at that time to try to bring me around to joining one of his little tribes. When you're not on the NT spectrum it's interesting just how opaque and nauseating these manipulation tactics are. And that's the reason why I'm sure of my opinion about how minds are actually separated. One which other psychologists are waking up to. My opinion, for those not aware, is that introverts aren't separate from the autistic spectrum, they're merely on an even shallower end of it than Aspies. It seems like Aspies are the middle of the road between introverts and being fully autistic. In my opinion, there are numerous spectrums like this, and one such spectrum is the NT spectrum itself. On the most shallow end you have affiliative extraverts who're the least manipulative, then you have agentic extraverts who're the halfway point, on the extreme end you have sociopathy as part of the same spectrum. This explains the differences in empathy. For example, if an Aspie sees news of a person dying on television, they might not cover their mouth and make a song and dance about it as part of a social construct, but they will be the ones thinking about that a week down the line and wondering how society could be changed to stop these tragic events from occurring. The agentic extravert, for example, will cover their mouth, gasp, and look sad but if you ask them about it an hour later they won't have any recollection of what you're talking about. It's just gone. It's my position that the NT spectrum is simply just more manipulative and less empathetic than other spectrums, which is why they have this tribal focus to begin with. The tribal-oriented biases and focuses are what fuel their manipulation, it's all about hierarchy and wanting to be the 'top dog,' which is very common amongst autistic thinkers. I can pull the most obvious example, here, and cite the toxic philosophy of 'alphas and betas' often spread around by neurotypicals. You won't hear autistic people spread this philosophy as it's really unpopular with us. I spent some time researching this, too. I read around Wrong Planet and what I found was that autistic people were profoundly confused and vexed by it, none of them really knew what an 'alpha' male was. There was a lot of consternation and discussion as they tried to figure it out. It's just second nature to an NT though as everything in the NT world is hierarchies and tribes, it's just how minds on the neurotypical spectrum work. Anyway, I'm tired. I'm done with NTs. I'm still feeling sensitive about the loss of my cat and the last thing I need is to put up with underhanded, shady, manipulative tactics like manufactured idiocy. I miss my fucking cat, I'd rather be focusing on that than the bullshit the neurotypical spectrum tends to hoist on me. If you need more resources, though? Look up 'alpha bodybuilder' to cover the hierarchical stuff; 'Autistic people aren't failed versions of normal' to see an example of the NT perception that being different from them is the same as being innately inferior; And just about any video by TL;DR (Teal Deer) on YouTube for examples of manufactured idiocy. I really wish I wasn't so certain about all of this, but every time I try to find contradictory evidence (I try to fight my cognitive biases at every turn), I’ll find mountains more evidence that supports my views instead. I’ve really, really tried, here. The whole reason I bothered to hang around an NT even after they fucked with me when my cat died is to try and prove to myself that I'm wrong about the neurotypical spectrum, that it's not just a case of terrifyingly extreme sociopathy at one end to much more watered down sociopathy at the other. I actually had this post up not so long ago where I was furious at them for even trying to bully, manipulate, and fuck with me right after my cat died. I pulled that post. I pulled it because I felt bad for them, even though I didn't name them by name, so no one would even know who they are. I should've just left it up. That's an NT person for you, though. "Oh. You're feeling bad about the loss of your cat? I'm sorry (not actually sorry). Here, let me try to persuade you about an opinion of mine under the nasty pretence of consolation. Oh, you're not buying it? Here, let me just bully you and fuck with your mind while you're feeling vulnerable. Just let me convert you, I'll actually console you, then. And I’ll do this again at every opportunity in the future, too. It’s my nature." It's the tale of the scorpion and the frog, told time and time again. I'm sorry but I don't have the energy to explain it here for you, if you want to read it you can use that info to do a web search. Wikipedia has an article on it. Hm, an image might do. Those on the neurotypical spectrum are scorpions and this is their nature, they cannot change their nature, it's just how they're genetically coded to be. I'd say it's interesting that Disney hasn't made a film about this adage but I suppose it would strike too close to home for their mainstream audience. Wouldn't be too popular if the audience saw themselves in the scorpion, eh? So... fuck ‘em. Fuck neurotypicals. Fuck them and their horrible tactics. Fuck their unchangeably sociopathic nature.