#especially because i have a hard time Telling the intent of what people say sometimes bc i’m autistic

[superpyodan]

This is a silly little thing I wrote of @clarisinne's Cringefail Farmer, my Kenny, and The Harvey Debacle™️. Seeing the fanarts inspired me but I wasn't in the mood to draw, so now this exists. It's very self-indulgent (because i am Obsessed with cringefail) but PLEASE... enjoy...

—————

‘’And then,’’ Clarice says, flinging her arms into the air dramatically, ‘’I felt his dick on my leg!’’

Kenny stops dead in his tracks and turns to look at Clarice, comically slowly. Really, he should have been expecting it. She asked him to go out for a ‘walk’, and despite how uncharacteristic it was, Kenny assumed she meant well. It’s a nice day — Maybe she just wanted to get some fresh air, or a break from her farm work. But, she hasn’t stopped talking about Harvey since the second she and Kenny locked eyes. Even when she’s not talking about Harvey directly, he still drips from her words.

‘’Okay? That’s- That’s good though, right? Or bad? Honestly, it’s hard to tell, with you.’’

‘’Uh, bad, obviously. Like - What the fuck do I do about that?’’ Clarice asks. She’s obviously flustered, but hiding it under a thick layer of feigned irritation. Usually, she’s feisty. A firework on the brink of explosion, a person born from the embers of a campfire. Her emotions don’t come out gently, and being abrasive is not something she shies away from. Kenny has seen this exact type of person a million and one times, and there is no way he’d believe that Clarice genuinely believes that she is in a bad situation. Difficult, maybe even a little embarrassing, but not bad.

‘’Was your real motivation for asking me to hang out, to ask for sex advice?’’ Kenny inquires, squinting a little. He figures it’s better to rip the band-aid off instead of dancing around the subject. With Clarice’s temperament, they’d get nowhere doing the latter.

Immediately, she goes bright red, a defensive look spreading across her face. Her instinct, Kenny assumes, is to immediately deny. They’re just friends, hanging out, and talking about friend stuff — Until they’re not. Something Kenny’s been forced to learn over the years is that sometimes, you need other people. Even if it’s embarrassing, or awkward to talk about, you need other people. He can be ‘other people’ for Clarice, if only she’d admit she actually wants help.

‘’Fuck no. Obviously not. I’m just- I’m just saying!’’ She exclaims, just as Kenny expected. So, he holds his palm up to her, preventing a continuation.

‘’No. If you want to talk about this, we can.’’ He assures. Clarice looks straight at him, frantic eyes transitioning into a softness, defensiveness turning into quiet nerves. Quickly, her intentions become clear. She did want to talk about it.

Clarice sighs, and collapses cross-legged into the grass. Kenny shuffles a little then lowers himself to sit in front of her, their knees touching.

‘’I tried to talk to Shane,’’ Clarice starts, ‘’But he was useless. He wanted nothing to do with it.’’

‘’Uh, yeah. Shane’s great at emotional support, but… Yeah. He’d never in a million years discuss sex with anyone. He caught me and Alex making out once and almost killed us and then himself.’’ Kenny reminisces, and it makes Clarice laugh.

‘’Do you fucking know what he said? He was like, ‘I wasn’t even aware Harvey had a dick before all this’, and then started yelling. And then I was yelling, and it was chaos, and I’m never fucking talking to him about anything ever again.’’ She explains, much chirpier than she was while telling the Harvey story. That’s the thing with Clarice — It’s important to match her energy. If Kenny doesn’t make it weird and awkward, she won’t either.

So, he giggles along with her, leaning back on his hands and allowing the sun to hit his face. ‘’Right, well, I’m not gonna yell at you. So, like.. Shoot. I know I seem kind of lame, but I do have experience under my belt, especially with men. Excuse the pun.’’

Clarice grins up at Kenny, before closing her eyes and taking a deep and contemplative breath. It’s a little strange, but he’s grateful that she’s willing to confide in him about something so personal. Sure, he doesn’t know Harvey very well. He can be a bit of a mess, and just as anxious as she is. If Clarice doesn’t get anything productive out of the conversation, at least she will have spoken. For Kenny, that’s good enough. He understands the importance of being able to get things off one’s chest.

‘’I just… Ugh. I don’t know how to go about this situation with him! I haven’t been in a relationship for so long, and like… I really like him. What if it gets ruined if we have sex? What if he thinks I’m a loser?’’ Clarice rambles a little, stumbling over her words, a dust of pink sprinkled over her cheeks. Kenny, however, furrows his eyebrows.

‘’Uh, dude. He got hard just from kissing you. I don’t think you need to worry about him thinking you’re a loser.’’

‘’Men are just like that, though! They’re easily entertained!’’ Clarice retaliates.

‘’Yeah, exactly. If anything, he’s the loser. Men are losers. You’re cool and pretty and literally don’t need to worry about any of that. As for the other stuff, though…’’ Kenny trails off, allowing himself a moment to really think through what he’s going to say. Sensitive subject, sensitive words.

For a moment, he thinks back to the beginning of his relationship with Alex, trying to pull inspiration and advice from that. he was cautious — Terrified of making Alex uncomfortable, terrified of something going disastrously wrong. But, neither of those things happened. They fell into each other very naturally, eventually throwing caution to the wind and exploring each other in a way that suited them both. It seems to have been the way in every relationship Kenny’s had.

‘’I think having sex with someone is something that just, kinda… Naturally happens, over time. If you feel the need to discuss it first, you will. If it just randomly ends up happening, as long as you’re both comfortable, then so be it. Just, go with each other’s flow, you know? I bet Harvey’s nervous about it too, but you guys will come around. It’ll work. And if it doesn’t, then you can just try again. God knows me and Alex had some blunders at first.’’ Kenny says, trying his best to articulate himself well. Clarice nods thoughtfully, but Kenny’s advice isn’t quite enough.

‘’But what do guys even like? I haven’t had sex in so long. What if I’ve forgotten how?’’

He tries to suppress it, but Clarice’s question makes Kenny laugh. Amusement born from love, but amusement nonetheless.

‘’Uh, you definitely haven’t forgotten how to have sex. You forget that humans have been having sex since literally the beginning of our existence. For most of us, it’s pretty hard-wired. You just need to get to know him, explore your options, even ask him straight-up. Genuinely — You’ll figure it out. I know you’re shitting yourself about it now, but, I can promise you with almost one-hundred percent certainty that it’ll be okay. Good, even.’’

Clarice unties the ribbon from her braid, then starts re-braiding it in silence, giving herself a moment to let Kenny’s words truly seep into her brain. It seems to be working — Visually, she’s less tense. Her face is softer, and her shoulders aren’t attached to her ears anymore. Kenny knows that his advice isn’t going to magically absolve her of her anxieties, but if her body language is anything to go by, it’s managed to absolve something. Something is better than nothing.

‘’So, what you’re saying, is that I need to get over myself.’’ Clarice concludes, retying the ribbon in her hair. Kenny smiles at her.

‘’Well — Maybe a little bit. It’s normal to be nervous, but like… I genuinely think you’ll be okay. And if you’re not, you know where to find me, yeah? And please. If you guys do have sex, I want to know all about it.’’

‘’Pervert.’’ Clarice remarks playfully. ‘’But, yeah. Thank you, Kenny. Seriously.’’

‘’Of course. Any time.’’ Kenny replies, soft and sincere.

[insert-game]

i hate the internet really i am like so so stressed and worried all the time about what people think about me

[dark-konohagakure2]

obito and pain getting horny for not having sex n stimulation for so long so they decided to tagteam n hunt for some young civillian girl until they stumbled across y/n, and literally just breed tf out of her in that place right there. because they were so horny and cant just hold back anymore. plus if they decided that reader is good enough to end up being their breeding sow so they decided to keep her n just keep using her...

tw: noncon, breeding, threesome, double penetration, size difference, kidnapping, misogyny, degradation

All characters depicted are 18+

Being the two most important people in the Akatsuki, Obito and Pain will sometimes go on extremely important missions together, and both men are very repressed and pent up, having no time or opportunities to sleep with anyone, and on this particular mission both of the usually stoic men are so pent up that they need to find a wet hole to fill immediately.

Pain isn't as open about his aroused state as Obito is, but both men are equally needy due to a lack of any sexual activity for ages now, so when the two of them catch sight of a young female civilian walking on her own through the same woods they are in, they know that they've found the perfect receptacle for their seed.

It's almost trivial in how easy it is for them to get their hands on her, Pain will use his Universal Pull to force her towards them, and Obito doesn't even need to use his Wood Style to hold her down, his and Pain's raw physical strength alone is enough to keep her in place.

Obito won't even bother to use his Tobi facade, he's too horny for any of that fake bullshit, instead he'll hold her down along with Pain and fumbling his dick out of his pants as he lets the poor and terrified girl know exactly what she's in for.

"St-Stop your squirming, bitch! Can't you see how hard I am?! I need this! So be a good girl and spread those legs!"

Just the Uchiha's cock alone is enough to stretch out the girl's hole and make her feel overwhelmingly full, but when Pain pushes himself into her too, it's nearly enough to break the young lady both physically and mentally from the sensation of two much bigger and stronger men inside of her.

Neither of the two men feel the need to restrain themselves with her, or god forbid be gentle. Both Pain and Obito only care about getting their rocks off and filling a wet hole with their cum. Obito is especially rude, spitting curses and vile insults at her, While Pain is more cold towards her, treating her like a worm that he'd even deign to touch with his godly hands.

Since they're both insanely pent up, they'll cum very often and quickly, and they'll do it inside of her each time, filling her up to the brim with their cocks and cum as they use her as their own breeding toy without any regard for what she has to say on the matter.

Once they're done filling her up and using her, they don't want to risk her telling anybody about who they are or what they did to her, so they decide to keep her to themselves for future use for the foreseeable future.

"There's no use fighting it anymore, little one. You belong to the Akatsuki now, and you'd do well to learn your place quickly..."

The Akatsuki leaders are glad that they found such a perfect set of holes to keep as their organization's own cumdumpster, and they have no intention of giving up such a useful and morale boosting asset anytime soon.

[maybankswhore]

omg can you a rafe one with the reader that is scared of love

i fully believe falling in love would change everything for rafe cameron ( disclaimer! i am also a hopeless romantic. )

when rafe met you , he had no intentions of falling in love with you.

he didn’t believe in love.

and he loved himself the most. ( sometimes. )

growing up with a father like ward and an absent bio mother — rafe grew to lack basic humanities like compassion , empathy , and love.

rafe cameron didn’t know what love truly was.

all of the people that were ‘supposed’ to love him , had only ever put him down , berated him , told him how useless and unworthy he was of the one thing he secretly craved the most.

meeting you was like meeting the sun.

everyone in his life was so dark and mean — truly. even he was.

but you were the opposite and at first he hated that.

but the more time he spent around you and how kind and soft you were , the more he realized that life could be different.

that he could have a different ending.

as loving and caring as you were , you were also scared.

you were scared to really fall in love and be vunerable especially with a person like rafe.

it was hard for him to learn you at first and figure you out.

he had to learn to be patient and understanding.

there were many bumps in the road.

“i don’t know why you can’t admit that you fuckin’ love me.”

“it’s not that simple, rafe!”

“then let me make it simple!”

he’d always apologize after , realizing that he was pushing you away instead of growing closer with you.

you were scared to really let someone in that way for more ways than one.

what if he left you? how would you recover from that?

what if he saw the real , raw and unfiltered you and didn’t like it? how would that make you feel?

all of these questions were terrifying to you and rafe’s history surely didn’t help.

but the more that rafe stuck around and proved himself , the more comfortable you became.

you saw a real change in rafe and you appreciated that. he was making an effort not only for you— but because he wanted better for himself , too.

rafe swore that waiting for you was the easiest thing he’s ever done and nearly cries when you tell him you love him for the first time.

“say it again.”

“i love you , rafe.”

“again , again , again.”

[bri-cheeses]

| August 2 | Prompt: Fist | Word Count: 620 | @rosekillermicrofic | tw: fighting |

-

“Lockheart.”

“Eight of ten. Smash.”

“Jones.”

“Pass, hard pass.”

Avery snickered at Mulciber’s frank analysis. Barty tried his hardest to ignore their crude conversation, but it was rather difficult when they had set up their potion right next to him and were not at all bothering to keep their voices low. And it was especially difficult when Rosie wasn’t next to him to keep him company, seeing as he was off in France visiting some far-off relation. Even just thinking about going a full week without Evan made Barty want to punch something, so he pushed that thought away and focused on the task at hand.

Next to him, Mulciber was waiting for Avery’s laughter to die out. Once it finally did—having lasted way too long in the first place—Mulciber demanded, “‘Kay, give me another one.”

Avery was silent for a second, no doubt thinking of other people he could try. Barty could hear the grin in his voice as he landed on his target.

“Rosier,” he said, and Barty’s head snapped up. They had better not be talking about—

“Which one?” Mulciber smirked. “The girl’s not bad, but Evan?” He whistled lowly. “I’ll tell you what, that backside is something. Hell yeah, nine out of ten, I’d tap that.”

Barty’s ingredient vials crashed to the ground as he lunged for Mulciber, who barely even saw it coming. He only had time to widen his eyes in fear before Barty’s fists were upon him, completely and absolutely intent on tearing him apart limb by limb.

“Shut up, you ugly, good for nothing, absolute waste of a human being—”

Barty was yanked back from his assault by strong arms. He lashed out immediately, not caring who was holding him because Mulciber was right there and he was still breathing despite Barty’s best efforts, and that should be illegal because he had just used his filthy mouth to talk about Evan, Barty’s Evan, and that was absolutely vile and horrible and—

“Barty,” Dorcas grunted, and some of the fight left him. No matter how furious he was, he wouldn’t hurt Dorcas, one of his best friends. So he slumped into Dorcas’s arms and settled for glaring at Mulciber and Avery. He spat at their feet.

“You don’t talk about my Rosie like that, ever,” he snarled. “Or else I’ll make sure you never speak again.”

“And I’d help him,” Dorcas asserted from behind him. A sick sort of smile twisted onto his face from knowing that his friends were out for Mulciber’s head, too. If he could see himself right now, he had the feeling that he’d probably have that slightly unhinged glint in his eye he sometimes saw when he looked in the mirror. But he didn’t really care, not when Mulciber had thought he was allowed to go around saying things like that.

Barty kicked in Mulciber’s direction one last time for good measure, then growled, “And as for your eyes, don’t think I won’t cut them out of your skull if I catch you looking at him the wrong way.”

“Mr. Crouch!” Slughorn exclaimed, having finally made his way over the where they were standing. It had taken him awhile, seeing as he had initially cowered behind his desk in fear, but now he was here and proving to be quite meddlesome already.

Barty bared his teeth at him in an approximation of a smile. Slughorn’s expression morphed into something more like fear, which Barty smiled even wider at.

When Slughorn spoke, it was with a little tremor in his voice.

“Detention, young man. From five to nine for the entirety of next week.”

Dorcas sucked in a sharp breath at the verdict, but Barty just grinned.

“Worth it,” he said, meaning every last word.

-

[m4nj1r0s]

Slightly!Yandere Shinichiro general headcannons

Note: I went off-track a little with cute moments 😭

- SIMP. You’ve probably heard it 100 times, so let me be the 101st, he is a SIMP.

- Has your picture as his lock screen and Home Screen, has a polaroid of you two in the back of his CLEAR phone case, another polaroid in his wallet and a framed picture of the two of you in his shop.

- Looks at you with love-hearts in his eyes whenever you’re talking. It could be about the economical state of the world and he’d still listen intently just because you’re the one saying it.

- Everyone says he doesn’t have any skills with girls, which is true, but he is genuine and that’s already better than the majority of men.

- Will hug and kiss you in front of his friends because he literally does not care what they think. They’ll all probably groan and tell him it’s gross.

- Has accidentally blown a puff of smoke in your face from a cigarette and when you started to cough he panicked. Got you a cute teddy bear to say sorry though.

- Has your skincare and makeup routine memorized, and products. This man knows your shade and the brand you use for foundation and concealer. Always stocks it up for you when he sees you’re running low. Loves to watch you apply skincare and makeup and will get flustered if you ask him to put it on for you.

- Is always so gentle with you. He hasn’t hurt you, and won’t ever. Not even accidentally. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him!

- Benkei and Takeomi give him bad girl advice. Wakasa knows better but he’s never around when the other two give Shinichiro advice… When he tries it with you, he gets genuinely shocked when you tell him you don’t like whatever he tried.

- One time, he asked you if you were on your period because you were mad at him, and when you asked him why the hell he would ask that, he replied “Takeomi told me that you’d think I was attentive and knowledgeable about women’s hormones if I asked you!!”

- They’re probably the reason he doesn’t get girls tbh

- But he has you, he doesn’t need anyone else.

- He does get jealous super easily. He doesn’t even know how he pulled you in the first place, but he WON’T lose you.

- Has and will use his connections from the Black Dragons to beat anyone who tries to get with you. He’s not going to get his hands dirty (probably because he doesn’t know how to) if he has people to do it for him.

- Celebrates every little milestone in your relationship. Expects you to remember as well. Like, what do you mean you forgot this is the anniversary of the first time he fed you?!

- Dreams of a nice, domestic life with you in the future whenever he sees you with Emma and Mikey. He wants 4 kids and a nice house by his grandpa’s dojo.

- Mikey and Emma LOVE you. You’re their big sister now! Especially Emma. It’s hard for her in an all male household, so you’re her rock when it comes to things her brothers and grandpa don’t understand.

- Emma loves to do girl things with you, like face-masks, doing nails and gossiping about boys you guys like. Although it’s only really Emma who talks about boys she likes, since she’ll get grossed out if you talk about Shinichiro in a romantic manner. That’s her stupid, goofy older brother after all..

- Mikey is constantly asking you if Shinichiro is paying you to pretend to be his girlfriend because you’re wayyyyy out of his league! Shinichiro is a bland 4 and you’re a 10!!

- Mikey and Emma definitely crash your guys’ dates sometimes. Especially if you guys are going on a picnic or to the mall.

- Grandpa Sano likes you as well, you’re keeping Shinichiro from getting into trouble and being a goof. Although, most of that is just how he is.

- Mikey definitely introduces you to Draken as his big sister. And Draken probably sees you as his big sister too, you guys probably do have cute moments.

- One time, you saw Draken sat on a bench on his own and you took him to the convenience store and got him candy to cheer him up and talk about why he was looking down. Mikey joined you guys half-way through with a bag of dorayaki (no, he did not share).

- All in all, you guys are a cute ass couple and the kids all look up to you two.

[thezombieprostitute]

Imagine this:

accountant!reader x IT tech!Jensen x manager!Andy x CEO!Lloyd

The intent was to write something short and sweet but smutty. The result is approximately 2200 words with a ton of smut! I blame Lloyd.

Warnings: Power dynamics; Creepy boss; Smut, smut, SMUT! Minors DNI!!!!

“Thank you, Jake,” you half whisper, half moan into his ear. “I really needed this.” You’re not normally one for hookups in the supply closets but you’d had such a stressful day you really needed to let off some steam. Thankfully Jake was always happy to help you out. And he was very good at helping you feel good. 

The two of you had a friends-with-benefits situation that had been carefully negotiated and navigated. Sometimes you got the sense that Jake wanted more and that’s why he was so eager to please. But you were both quick to talk if either of you felt things were getting too serious. It definitely made office parties a lot more fun. Everyone else was enjoying the cheap food and you and Jake got to go to a private office and actually take your time together.

You both do try to be careful at the office but your manager, Andy, has been really ramping up the sad sack shtick with all the women in your department, desperate for a date or some feminine attention and pity. You could only take so much, especially when your coworkers pointed out to him that you’re single. Traitors. 

Every day he would ask you about your plans. You tried being polite and got nowhere. You finally told him, directly, that you weren’t interested in him last Friday. Today you were called into a meeting with HR about “appropriate workplace behavior”. They told you they’d received complaints from your manager about flirting with him despite him telling you “no”. You smiled tightly and nodded, staying quiet and signing the documents saying you’d been talked to. 

You texted Jake on your phone to meet you in the hall closet. One of the things you appreciated? He didn’t ask questions, he just showed up and gave you what you needed. He really seemed to like it when you would repeatedly whisper “thank you’s” into his ear. It’s only a quickie but it definitely helps. You kiss Jake’s cheek and thank him as he blushes. You leave at different times and head back to your respective desks.

 You check your email and find yourself looking at an appointment with Lloyd Hansen, the company’s CEO. Thinking it must’ve been in error you hit the “Decline” button and add the most polite note that you can think of. Just a few minutes after you get yet another appointment notice with Mr. Hansen. No explanatory note. You’re extra grateful to Jake because your brain immediately jumps to Andy complaining about you to Mr. Hansen because your HR visit wasn’t enough of a punishment. 

The appointment is for tomorrow so you silently stew for the rest of the workday. At home you treat yourself to your favorite meal and shows. Your sleep is full of stressful dreams and you wake up more exhausted than when you went to bed. Not wanting to look like a mess in front of Mr. Hansen, you make sure to take extra care of your makeup and clothing choices. Working as hard as your caffeine deprived can to balance “I’m okay” with “I’m not trying to flirt with anyone”. It’s never an easy task.

As you log on to your computer you smell Andy’s cologne and internally wince. You turn to face him, “yes, Mr. Barber?”

“Easy there, tiger,” he chastised. “I just want to make sure that you’re doing okay after that HR meeting.”

Gritting your teeth you reply, “why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well I know a lot of people can have a kind of whiplash when they realize their behavior isn’t acceptable,” he explains in an obviously condescending tone. “I’ll understand if you want to take some vacation time.”

“Mr. Barber,” you seethe, “I think what would help me the most is keeping some distance between us at all times in the office.”

“Okay,” he scoffs. “Just remember who it is that HR listens to.” He walks away and you find yourself trying to not throw or break something. 

As soon as you can you head straight to Mr. Hansen’s office. His secretary lets you in, though he is not yet in. You should probably be upset that he’s late for the meeting he insisted on having with you but it’s better than sitting in your cubicle waiting for Andy to strike. 

The quiet is broken by Mr. Hansen storming into the office, yelling at someone on the phone. You recognize him immediately if only because of the mustache. “And I told you to handle it, Six! Get your head out of your ass and fix it!” He lets out a small huff as he listens to the person on the phone. “I don’t give a shit. It should’ve been handled weeks ago. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a meeting.” He hangs up without waiting for a response and turns to you with a smile that makes you feel like prey caught in a trap.

“So you’re the girl Barber was complaining out,” he starts. You’re unable to hold back your grimace and he laughs. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I don’t give a shit about that cuck.” You tilt your head in confusion. “See, he tried to play up the whole “women don’t know how to take a compliment” thing but I was able to see through him. He’s pathetic and you weren’t having it. Even flat out told him, “no”. That’s something I respect. Not everyone would do that to their boss.”

He sits down in his chair and continues, “so I started looking into you and imagine my surprise when I find out you and Jensen are hooking up!” Your eyes widen in shock and you start stammering before he holds out a hand, gesturing for you to stop. “You’re not in trouble for that. Hell if I could get laid instead of attending those lame work parties I absolutely would. Which is why I brought you here.” 

He leans his elbows on the desk, “I want in on whatever fuck-buddy deal you and Jensen got going on.”

“S..sir, I,” you’re at a loss for words. 

“Tell you what,” he slaps the desk and stands up, “I’ll make it easy for you. Either you agree to be my own fuck-buddy, occasionally still get some good stuff from Jensen, or I’ll make you Barber’s personal secretary.”

“What if I quit instead?”

“Then I’ll go ahead and fire Jensen,” he quips. “It would be a damn shame, though. Jakey is one of the best IT guys we got. Likely up for a promotion that would get him a private office.”

“Can I talk to Jake first,” you plead. “It is part of our arrangement that we communicate changes before they’re implemented.”

“You know what, sure. I can respect that a deal is a deal.” He goes to the phone on his desk and tells his secretary to send Jake up.

When Jake does arrive he’s shocked to see you. At Lloyd’s gesture he closes the door behind him. Lloyd doesn’t let you speak and lays everything out for him like he did you. 

Jake looks at you, “it’s…umm…I appreciate you looking out for me and my job,” he starts. “But it’s also your body and I would never want you to accept something like this just for me.”

“You know, Jakey here has a point,” Lloyd interjects. “You really don’t know what you’re in for with me. How about a demonstration? I’ll even let Jake join in to help keep you comfortable.”

Knowing that you were being watched shouldn’t excite you so much. The fact that both of these men wanted you was making you wet. You straddle Jake in his chair and start making out with him while taking off your clothes and grinding your hips against his crotch. 

Jake moans as he takes off your bra with practiced ease, “you’re sure about this?” 

“Feel how wet I am, Jake.” He obliges and sticks his fingers inside your panties. He rubs your clit and you arch your breasts into his face as his eyes widen at the wetness he finds there. 

“Holy shit,” he breathes. He gets a dark glint in his eye that you don’t entirely recognize. He removes his hand and starts to unbutton your pants. “You gotta taste her, Mr. Hansen. Sweetest pussy and it’s already drenched.”

You hadn’t realized Lloyd was standing behind you until he grabbed your breasts, lifting you a little as he nibbled your neck. He pulls you off of Jake and the two of them finish undressing you before setting you on Lloyd’s desk. You’re on your back, your head hanging over one side, your legs spread wide for the both of them. 

Lloyd doesn’t hesitate and dives tongue first into your pussy. Your reaction is immediate as he uses his mustache to tickle your clit. You throw your head back and moan before you’re able to stifle it. 

He pulls away from you, “don’t worry about noise, sweetheart. My secretary is gone for the afternoon and no one else would dare be on this floor.” He turns to Jake, “you were right! This is a damn tasty snack.” He gets back to it and you don’t hold back your sounds. It was such a relief to get to be as loud as you wanted. 

“Fuck, I love those sounds,” Jake groans.

You reach out to him, “your cock, Jake? Please, can I stroke your cock?”

“Love those sounds, too,” he grins as he undoes his belt. You look to Lloyd to see if he has any objections but he’s too focused on licking up all of your juices. Jake is already half hard and your hands know just how to get him fully erect. His hands start playing with your tits, gently pinching, pulling and fondling. 

The two of them quickly bring you to the brink of orgasm, then Lloyd sticks two of his fingers inside you and it pushes you over the edge. You cum loudly and Lloyd keeps scissoring his fingers while sucking on your clit, enjoying the show. When the aftershocks fade, he removes his hand and backs away just a little.

“Jensen, you take her mouth,” he orders. “I’m gonna make a mess of this pussy and I want to hear her choking on your cock while I do.”

You let go of Jake’s erection and he starts pushing himself into your mouth, grunting and moaning as he does so. He’s careful with you, like always, and places your hand on his thigh so you can signal if it gets too much.

Lloyd, however, lines himself up with your opening and quickly thrusts himself fully inside. If your mouth wasn’t so full of Jake’s cock, you’d likely have screamed. They fucked both of your holes with abandon and you were loving every second of it. Occasionally Jake would ask for a status and you’d tap his thigh twice for “all good”. 

“Not gonna last much longer,” Lloyd admitted. “This pussy is so fucking tight. I see why you risked your job for her.” He started rubbing your clit and you careened towards another orgasm. As soon as Jake came in your mouth you were done for. You tightened your legs around Lloyd as you came hard and swallowed all of Jake’s spend. You heard Lloyd mumbling, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” before he came with a yell. 

You’re still in a daze as both men pull out of you. Lloyd whistles, “now that’s a pretty picture. What say we get you cleaned up?”

“What the fuck?!” A voice from the office door crashes your post-orgasm euphoria. You look up and see Andy, standing in the doorway.

“Ah, Barber,” Lloyd says as he zips his pants back up. “Right on time.”

“What?!” Jake exclaims as you look, wide-eyed, at Lloyd. 

“You see, Andy,” he walks over to your manager and claps him on the shoulder. “You’re a complete cuck and we both know it.” Andy tries to protest but Lloyd cuts him off. “This is the closest you’re ever going to get to some pussy. Now be a good boy and clean up the mess I made.” He throws Andy to his knees in front of your spread pussy. 

Andy groans at the sight and you feel a stir of courage. “Well,” you scold. “Are you going to be a good boy and do as you're told or am I going to have to clean myself up?” His eyes darken but you don’t back down. He dives into your cum filled pussy and starts cleaning you up.

“Good boy,” Lloyd smirks. “Probably the only way you can actually please a woman.” He looks at Jake, “whenever you’re done with her, call her cuck over to clean up. Sound good?”

Jake looks to you and sees you writhing with pleasure, “I think so.”

Part 1.5

Tagging @alicedopey because I promised I would.

[cuubism]

some canon-verse trans Hob for the lovely @five-and-dimes who recently got top surgery! 🥳🥰 congratulations, I'm truly so happy for you, my friend. please accept this humble offering

--

“So, it actually started on a dare,” Hob says, on the day he tells Dream the story of him. Or of this part of him, anyway.

Normally, Hob gets a bit guarded the first time he tells someone he’s trans. It’s hard to predict with absolute certainty how people will react, especially ones he’s just become romantically involved with. He’s had it go poorly, to say the least, in the past.

He doesn’t feel that way with Dream. It’s not because there’s so much trust between them—they’re still new, after all. No, it’s something about Dream himself. For all his prickly and standoffish nature, being close to him feels like sinking into a warm lake, into a dark sleep where secrets and hidden wishes float up like glowing reeds to the surface. Deep, personal feelings feel safe with Dream; he cradles them in his hands and soothes them. Or that’s how it feels, when Hob is touching him.

Personification of dreams, indeed.

“A dare?” Dream echoes.

“Sort of," Hob says. "Got frustrated with people saying women should or shouldn’t do this or that or the other thing, so I decided if they felt so strongly about it I’d just be a man. Moved somewhere no one knew me, dressed differently, got stronger, practiced the sword—and that was that. No one seemed to care much, once you were at war. So long as you could swing a sword and not get yourself killed.”

“A choice, then,” Dream says. He’s listening very intently, hands folded on his knees, untouched tea on the coffee table before him.

“At first. Was only after I’d been living that way for a few decades—before and after we met—that I realized while there might be a handful of women out there living as men for the freedom of it, that they didn’t all like it. Given the choice they’d rather just be women in a more equal world. You know?”

Dream hums in understanding.

“But I didn’t want to go back,” Hob continues. “I felt like... who I'd become was the truth of me all along.”

“Identity, while not wholly immutable, is resilient against adversity and circumstance,” says Dream. “You found what your heart wanted you to be, if in a circuitous manner.”

“You seem very unbothered by it,” Hob observes, sipping his tea.

Dream frowns. “Why would I be bothered by it?”

“Dunno.” Apparently he can’t fully shake that this’ll put a wedge in us feeling. “People sometimes are. Feel deceived, or something like that. So they say.”

“If they are deceived, it is by their own assumptions,” Dream says, with disdain. “You should be as you dream yourself, Hob. No more nor less. Put aside these petty physical trappings.”

“I do actually have to live in these ‘physical trappings’ even if you don’t, you silly thing.” He can’t help laughing. “Besides, I rather like being some kind of living creature in the world, rather than what? A ghost? Best I can do is make this body as close to how it should be as possible.”

Hob’s come to like his body, for the most part, in the form that he’s made it. He didn’t always. But he needs a body of some kind to be alive, and he likes being alive. So what he couldn’t change, he made peace with.

Besides, they have hormone treatments nowadays. Brilliant stuff. Makes it so much better.

“Anyway, now you know. I wanted you to. Since we’re together.” It’s still a marvel. Together.

“Thank you,” says Dream, with evident sincerity. “It is a privilege to be gifted your secrets.”

“Not really a secret, but I get what you mean.” He takes Dream’s hand, just to touch him, and admits, “Telling it to you is like… I don’t know. Feels like when I was younger and first admitted out loud, ‘I’m a man. I want to stay like this.’”

It hasn’t been a proper secret in a very long time. But giving it to Dream is like the freedom of releasing a held breath, even so.

“I am the harbor and cradle of dreams,” Dream says in reply. He traces his fingers over Hob’s. Does Dream’s strange form just spring from the ether? Hob wonders. Or does he have to choose it? The way Hob chose his? “Dreams of being and becoming… these are most precious for they grow from tough soil. I can only protect them, I cannot create them. You must do that. And I expect that were I to find you in the Dreaming, there would be a fantastic garden there, indeed.”

Dream himself is the most fantastical thing. “Well, darling, just know your work is appreciated.”

Dream’s lips tip up in a tiny smile. When he meets Hob’s gaze again, his eyes have gone dark and starry. He folds Hob into a hug, and—

oh, it’s like being hugged by the universe itself.

Hob feels the light breeze of a warm dark night, when he’d lain by the dying fire in a war camp in the French countryside, and looked up at a million stars and first whispered to himself what if this is really who I am? Dream is that breeze and those stars. The dying embers that had lit him as he’d run his hands over his body and felt it differently than he ever had before, and been terrified because what would it mean?—but also thrilled and alive. Dream is the night wrapping around him in that moment, the night that was listening to his dreams no matter how quietly he admitted them, Dream is that and more and the voice in his heart telling him it would be okay.

A younger, more uncertain Hob would have needed this. Hob now is older, and he already knows who he is and what he wants, but he falls into Dream’s embrace all the same. A tear slips from his eye, and Dream kisses his cheek, wiping the tear away with his tongue before leaning their heads together.

“I could craft you any body you wanted in the Dreaming,” he says lowly. “However I think the one you have made with your own hands is more remarkable.”

Oh, God, he’s going to tear up again. “Dream, you are the most beautiful, wonderful thing.”

Dream hums in pleasure at the words, and lets Hob hold him close, lets him cradle his head to his chest, a dream kept close to his heart. One that he knew as soon as he saw it walk into the White Horse. Sooner even than he truly knew himself.

Then Dream looks up at him with a hopeful expression. “With these truths revealed, are we able to be intimate?”

Hob laughs so hard he has to tip his head back against the couch. “Wow. One track mind with you, isn’t it? I spill my heart and that’s what I get?”

Dream grumbles, tucking his face in against Hob’s neck to press his lips to Hob’s throat. “I find myself impatient of late.”

“Knew all along you were only with me for my body.” He’s grinning, though. Can’t stop.

“Well. Considering it is such a lovely one.” He plucks at Hob’s shirt buttons. Lecherous little nightmare.

It feels fucking good, though, to be desired.

“C’mere, then,” he says, and drags Dream into his lap.

Dream settles there with a purr, starts playing with Hob’s hair, but says, “I would not truly derail this moment, nor distract from your feelings if you do not wish it.”

“Oh, I wish it. You’ve no idea how much I want you right now. You’re like a prize.” He cradles Dream’s beloved face between his hands. “Stick around for long enough and you’ll get the most incredible Dream at the end of it.”

“Or at the beginning,” Dream says, and Hob’s heart swells so much to hear him voice that that he has to kiss him.

When he does, Dream makes a low, pleased sound, settling deeper in his lap. Yes, this moment, this life, is certainly the prize for all of those years hanging onto those dreams:

the dream of his lover

and the one of himself.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

I really really hate to be that person - especially because I know a lot of people are under the impression that fanfic authors are greedy and we should be grateful for any comments we get, even if those comments are full of unauthorized concrit, even if they're kind of rude, even if they're weirdly self-shaming (sometimes insinuating that people should feel bad over reading the dark or smutty content in the fics or that we should feel bad for writing it in the first place even though you're also reading it??).

But like, lately, I have been getting so many comments along the lines of "this fic should be longer!!" "I wish this was a series!!" "please turn this into a series!" "I would read endless sequels of this!!!" - today someone literally commented on one of my fics saying that it was a war crime that the fic was 30k instead of being 'a whole series'. And I totally understand the mindset that if something is good, you want more of it. If you enjoy something, you want more of it. But these comments are definitely not as flattering as people think they are.

When reading those comments - it doesn't always come off as a compliment. Most of my fics range from 5k to 30k on average, and they are usually oneshots or oneshots that I have split into multiple parts in order to be more readable - most of my longer, ongoing series are abandoned because I didn't have the steam to maintain them. (Most people don't know at all how hard it is to write a good, coherent, well-plotted 100k fic and actually keep up with it.) After I post the fic I have written later this week, I will have written over 400k this year alone, with my entire AO3 having over one million words split between 79 different fics.

So often, having people look at my fics and having their only comment be to 'write more' - feels like an insult. Because I do write more. I have written more. I write consistently. (It just sucks that people have almost nothing to say about what I have already written.)

Having people look at my fics - usually very long fics - and go "hey, this would be better if it was longer!!" or "hey, that was good, but the only productive thing I have to say about it is: make it longer" - it always feels very discouraging.

It doesn't make me want to rush to write more of that fic. In fact, most of the time, I actively avoid working on sequels to fics where the only comments are 'more please' because I know the only thing people will say about the sequel is 'when are you gonna make more?' - and oftentimes, I don't intend to make more.

I have said this in another post, but the ending to my fics are always intentional. I don't write fics with the mindset of turning them into a 100 part series. I write fics with the mindset of making them like a film or a short TV series - telling a capsule of a story with a very intentional beginning, middle, and end. And if I write a sequel, it's because I feel there is more to be told - but I will also cap off that sequel with a very intentional ending.

(Also, don't get me started on the complex of - if fics don't have the classic 'happy ending' people feel like every single thread needs to be resolved until it gets to a more classic happy ending, when I love writing intentional melancholic and thoughtful endings.)

Also - in general, I feel like people don't understand how much work goes into a fic. It might take you about 2 hours to read a fic that's 30k (and a lot of people who are avid readers probably read faster than that, reading it in an hour or less) - but concepting that fic, writing that fic, and meticulously editing that fic so that it can be readable and pleasant for people takes upwards of 20 hours of work. I would say realistically, upwards of 30 hours. And those are just working hours - hours sitting at the computer actively working. That doesn't include the time spent in between workshopping the ideas in my head while I am doing other mundane tasks in life.

It's very, very easy to consume a 30k oneshot in one sitting and then hold out your plate and go "more please!!" without putting any thought into how much work went into the original fic.

All of this just to say - please think about these things next time you are commenting on a fic (or even closing a fic without commenting at all), or doing something stupid like generating a fic with AI - which steals from everyday hard working fanfic writers. Fanfiction is hard work - it's a labour of love, and it shouldn't be about blind consumerism where you finish one and then rapidly start looking for the next one. You should appreciate each one like a good, hand pulled taffy instead of gobbling them all down like cheap candy mass made by factory machines.

Yeah - I think that's it.

-your local over worked (but still passionate) fanfic writer

[fandangotales]

500 Followers Event, figured I would do it right out the gate so I didn't forget lol. Also, be aware this is lengthy and I am so sorry for it.

How do you think the characters (Jean, Ningguang, and Sara) would react to a reader who listens to crime and history stories while playing, in particular crime cases such as Jack the Ripper, history stories such as the South Sea bubble and the Depression, and war stories such as the American Civil war or stories from the world wars?

How would Jean react to hearing about the devil of Whitechapel who paralyzed London and was never caught? What would she think of a world where monsters like Jack roam while her god is defenseless.

How would Ningguang react to the first financial crash in history...and the fact that so many people actually fell for it?

How would she feel knowing about just how often our world has financial crashes and just how many troublers it has with currency, and more importantly how would she feel knowing that such times could engulf the world while her God calls it home?

How would Sara react to the bloody and horrible nature of our conflicts, because while Inazuma's civil war may have been bad, I feel that it utterly pales in comparison to the sheer devastation and madness that was America staining itself red.

How would the ever loyal general feel knowing just how devastating and horrific the wars of our world can be, and just how plentiful they are? How would she feel knowing that her creator could be caught in one such conflict with none of them there to protect them?

I intend to do something like this where the Acolytes get tormented with gruesome facts and stories by a child reader who is a history buff and decides to tell them some of the tales about our world...and promptly gives all of them nightmares in the process lol.

I hope to get on the idea...sometime this or next year because I have a few other projects I am working on and I know just how badly I tend to procrastinate.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this ask, if you don't want to do it that is okay. Here is hoping I did everything right in regards to the rules in regards to this ask, but regardless have a great day and stay safe.

If you do end up writing that, I’d love to be tagged so that I can read it. Also, please don’t worry about your ask being troublesome, I’m honored to be getting an ask from one of my favorite SAGAU writers! Keep up the good work on your writing, I always love reading your posts! <3

Honestly, considering the way Teyvat works in regards to safety, and wars… I think it’s fair to say that many, if not all of the people there would be shocked by what life is like on Earth.

For example, if you decided to go out on an adventure by yourself, the worst you’d have to worry about would be hilichurls, considering that you aren’t going anywhere particularly dangerous.

On Earth, that simply wouldn’t work because there are a lot of bad people, and bad things that could happen to you if you were simply out on a walk at night. Especially if you weren’t in the company of another person.

If Jean heard about people who’ve done horrible things like murdering multiple people for… “The fun of it?”.

I can imagine her being repulsed, and incredibly concerned for your safety.

You may be the literal God of Teyvat, but would that stop anyone from randomly deciding to murder you, “for the fun of it?”

You might hear this idle voice line more often than the others:

“I do hope the Knights of Favonius are all working hard…”

She wants to tell you to take precautions against those with hostile intentions, to make sure you aren’t out to late… if only the code didn’t restrict her from voicing her thoughts.

For now she’d have to settle with reminding you of how safe Mondstadt was. With the Knights of Favonius, you would be safe.

With her, you’d always be safe.

Just… please be careful, alright?

The first time Ningguang heard about how terribly this world deals with money, she’d probably laugh.

“Oh, how amusing.” She’d chuckle, before realizing that it was your reality, instead of just a poorly made joke.

The idea of multiple currencies seems especially stranger to her, since Teyvat only uses Mora. (Disregarding the use primogems, which is only for you.)

One day, however, as you were talking while playing Genshin, she heard you bring up something called “inflation”.

You then proceeded to complain about how food prices where getting ridiculously expensive, and how your “fridge” had literally no food in it.

Ningguang seemed to freeze, being brought back to her early days as a child.

She had been through similar struggles, but knowing that her God is going through financial issues?

That her God is suffering because of the undeserving world in which they reside?

Preposterous.

“There were over 60 million casualties from World War 2…”

The voice droned on, as another daily commission was completed.

Sara’s face blanched, taking in the numbers.

60 million.

That was well over the number of citizens living in the entirety of Inazuma.

“The war was notable for the Nazi-sponsored genocide of the Jewish people…”

Genocide of people?

Why?

Her hands shook around her bow, as you guided her to shoot a hilichurl, directly in the head.

Sara heard you sigh, as the monotone voice was silenced.

Your divine voice spoke over the background music of the game.

“Third war I’ve had to research this week, interesting, huh?”

This was… considered an everyday occurrence for you?

Another shot, the hilichurl faded to dust.

You lived in a world where wars like that frequently happened-

She steeled herself, finding resolve as she struggled to keep shooting the hilichurls.

Sara would find a way to bring you to Teyvat, where you wouldn’t be in any danger, ever again.

[kibblbread]

This is completely aimless and scattered, like more than usual but whatever. Either way it’s just relationship dynamic stuff~ btw pls read the fucking pizza gorl fic —>>> 🍕✨

Random thought but i think exposure therapy might be the best option in aiding Jason to recovery, well, that and gentle coaxing! Jason is very responsive to praise because he’s definitely a people pleaser. I know it might be hard to tell looking at him from a glance; but let’s not be shallow, he gives chance after chance to his loved ones no matter how much they screw him over. He’s simply a lover boy. So I conclude that Jason is a huge people pleaser, and he’s privy to it but ignores himself. He hates digging into his psyche.. it just hurts, poor guy has too many painful memories.

But it’s necessary for healing unfortunately 😔

AK!Jason is extremely.. emotionally.. wrecked. He doesn’t act outside his redhood persona often unless it’s completely necessary— like getting food and supplies, or even to possibly get intel.

At least for a while.

Meeting PG turns his entire world on its head! He’s pretty out of his element as it is while trying to define his persona, the redhood. But PG! Hoo boy— he did not anticipate a partner in crime. A sidekick if you will lol. So essentially his healing process is expedited(just a tad bit); since Jason interacts with his family at a much faster pace than otherwise on his own terms. Dick is very eager to give his younger brother the much needed affection and support that JT deserves but doesn’t want to scare Jason away. So early in the rekindling process, Dick takes a backseat and lets Barbara lead— she’s the voice for not only herself, but Dick & Tim even Alfred for a bit too. Babs knows just what to say and how to say it more often than not! Jason is more relaxed around her than any of his family for a time.

JT’s attitude is still pretty rotten though, he’s suffering so there’s still so much happening within him that slows them down in regaining his trust.

He’ll still snap & even become aggressive toward Barbara if she isn’t cautious and calculated in her approach, which she is, but she’s not a mind reader and can trigger the worst in Jason. However, on the other side of the spectrum, we have pizza. PG seems to never catch any lip, and if she does it doesn’t seem intentional most times— genuine underestimation is the biggest culprit. PG can be reckless, it’s the largest pain point in the fic between these two imo! But you’re not from gotham, you’re truly ignorant, you’re like a second chance to him almost. You don’t know of his sins, not really anyway… A slate as clean as yourself, he’s gotta prove to you he’s not a useless, unworthy, sorry excuse for a person right? He’s gotta prove it to you.

To his family.

To gotham.

No, he doesn’t. But if we are gonna play this game he proved it when he put on his life on the line once as robin, and a second time the moment he decided to become redhood. He’s no less worthy than anyone in reality. Hopefully he’ll see it in this lifetime, but even if he doesn’t, it doesn’t change how you see him and continue to see him. It most definitely doesn’t change how you make him feel either. 🥰 PG is a protective person at heart. She’ll do what she can to help just about any decent human being but especially her loved ones.

Jason sees it. He can feel it too, subconsciously he wants what she wants for him. So he’ll allow her to poke and prod him where he needs to be directed. JT allows a lot from PG actually, from her quick gentle touches to her quips and questioning. He doesn’t take it the same from any of the other bats, when it’s from family it’s nothing short of condescending. Humiliation and anger rises bubbles from his gut straight into his heart. But from you? It’s not something he can quite name.. sometimes it’s annoying, yes, but with you he doesn’t mind feeling insecure as much. You don’t know what insecurity looks like on him just yet so naturally he allows you to suggest things he wouldn’t otherwise acknowledge. The dialogue between you two is allowed to flow freely. To not know Jason’s trigger’s is to not know his anger; which is arguably both a pro and a con.

The closer PG gets to JT the more she sees what he’s capable of.. and how. The why is what she’ll inevitably get to, but how she gets to his truth is much more important. I think PG not being afraid of how Jason will react is her biggest advantage in being so close to him. On the reverse side of things, Jason is more calm because to him, she not antagonistic in his mind. She doesn’t know his past or the extent of JT’s capabilities so why would she, and even if she did, could she? Again I feel JT genuinely underestimates PG as she is a civilian and not held to his impossible self imposed standards. It’s not malicious, he just wants to protect her, his guard is lower than usual which isn’t saying a lot because it’s still extremely high. JT is still distrustful don’t get me wrong, but it’s not personal like it is with his family.

When you tell J he did good, that he’s accomplished something, he’s on the moon. PG’s acknowledgment goes such a long way in the never ending void that is his insecurity and self loathing!

On a less abstract level, when it comes to doing, Jason unintentionally gives PG the go ahead to start pushing his buttons when he inevitably begins clinging to her presence for comfort. For better or for worse, you push many buttons. lol.

“Stay here a bit longer?” Fine, what’s a bit longer?

“Call for back up! We need help!” Im good enough for the job, but maybe some help would be better than none in this instance…

*looks around Jason’s safe house* “Damn bitch you live like this??? Sleepover at my place😝” *complies but serves the most bombastic of side eyes*

The batfam get to see parts of him they haven’t seen before, or at least in a very long time when you two interact in front of them. Jason is still largely argumentative, but thats how it stays surprisingly, he doesn’t boil over and actually backs down or bites his tongue. Which is.. shocking to say the least. Dick & Babs take note of the more true extent of his patience and how willingly he’ll hear your suggestions. They’ll take note of how freely you grab his hand and drag him along. They even notice him suspiciously looking in your direction for prolonged periods while your back is turned. Hmmm very note worthy indeed. Jason is all too aware but doesn’t know what he can do about without you noticing his clear change in demeanor. But quite a few of his new habits fly under his own radar when it comes to being around PG!

He’s less jumpy for one.

Jason isn’t at all more confident in his abilities since he’s still crippled with anxiety and a lot of self doubt but, he’s really focusing on monitoring and guiding you. JT is teaching you to work smarter, teaching you how the streets of gotham work. And above all else making sure PG can keep herself safe! He’s firm and direct, sometimes even sounding like the commander of a militia 🤭 I like to think sometimes he reverts accidentally. Jason also tends to stay close to PG. Most times it’s unintentional but others he’s just watching out for you. You give him a lot of good vibes and reassurance and JT just naturally finds himself hovering over to where you are. Like him and D are side by side on a rooftop, then all the sudden he’s breathing down your neck because you decided sitting on the ledge of a building was cool like a dumbass. But the most notable of all these habits is how much he allows your touch; JT doesn’t squirm away from you either, he stays put. PG will touch his shoulder in gentle support or give his hand a quick tap to pull his attention.

Barbara finds this behavior interesting, Dick thinks it’s adorable but is lowkey in his feelings about it.

Lol

I think thats it for now…

thank u for reading my post bestie 🍕🤪

[kairiscorner]

(this is my first time writing for earth-42 miles, so please correct me if i get him wrong, ty !)

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

((also i'll be distinguishing miles 42 from miles 1610 through his second name, gonzalo, PLEASE CORRECT ME IF IT'S TOO WEIRD/INCORRECT IN THE FIRST PLACE TY... + ART IN THE PIC IS NOT MINE, I JUST EDITED IT, CTTO.))

miles-42 and miles-1610 x reader (twin au <33)

you had known the morales boys your entire life, they were sweet and caring, though only one of them was vocal about it; the other made it hard for you to tell if he cared or just waited for you to shut up and leave him alone. either way, both loved you just as much as you loved them, maybe even a bit more than you believed.

the two were partners in crime, whatever one did, they were sure to have the other's back. be it escaping home for the night to hang out with you, graffitiing some public place behind their dad's back, sneaking into their uncle aaron's place to hang out--they always had each other to get themselves out of trouble.

the two shared everything, as well. in common sibling, and of course, twin, fashion, their shared clothes, a room, a family--and of course, lives together. they were like two peas in a pod, quite literally; they'd share each other's joys, pain, anger, sadness... it was like a twin sense they had, an instinct that everything the one had, the other had to have, too.

but some things just weren't supposed to be shared, and even for the two close brothers, they knew that sentiment very well. there were days when the twins would hide things from each other, some feelings of jealousy, anger, or even... kind of just insecurity about not having what the other has--it hurts them sometimes that they know they can't share everything they have with each other.

even you.

they knew you since they were kids, teased you a whole lot, but protected you when you needed them. they were your best friends of all, even if other friends left you or you left them, they were the ones who stuck by your side the most, who you knew best. they were the real ones, and they loved you a whole lot; you were practically part of their family, as per what rio and jeff told you.

but even if you three were friends your whole lives, the two felt... different about it. as if they thought 'friends' was an incorrect label for what they wanted to be with you. they were big dreamers, both of them were–but the biggest dream of all, for both of them, was to make you theirs. and they don't mean to share you, they mean you pick either of them, be it gonzalo or miles.

gonzalo is subtle about dropping hints on how much he likes you, he only gives you a small sliver, a small taste of how much he really feels about you. he keeps you company when you're lonely, and he doesn't chat up a storm as much as his twin; in fact, you barely notice he's there, but somehow, you feel comfortable and safe around, especially when you finally notice him there.

you feel bad that he sometimes goes unnoticed to you when he hangs around you, but he doesn't mind–he can want you attention, it's a big honor for him to have it all to himself, but he wants to earn your attention, not force it out of you.

unlike miles, gonzalo is more of a listener, like a really intent listener. miles is great to talk to, it's a two-way street, you talk and listen, he talks and listens; but gonzalo always seems to listen, just mainly listening to you is the best he can do.

he didn't really feel like he was the best person to go to for advice, he'd rather listen to your problems and help you solve it on your own. he's unsure of how to solve a lot of problems on his own, so helping other people solve theirs? yeah, he worries a whole lot about what he says, even if he doesn't show it.

he cares about you so much, and he knows how capable you are, he tends to worry less in general because he trusts you so much. but if you really needed him, oh goodness, boy does not hold back on helping you, defending you, even.

he appears scary to a lot of people, and he uses that to his advantage. one time, you needed him to pretend to be your boyfriend for a couple of days, just to shake off some creeps who can't take the hint that you weren't interested. it got to the point where, when miles wasn't around, gonzalo confronted those guys and, nonchalantly, threw their lunch in their faces.

he did not flinch at all, and, without hesitation, he took your hand and ran away with you out of the cafeteria. when you asked him where he was taking you, he just said he'd take you far away from them, and even if they'd follow you, he'd beat their asses for real. like hell he'd let anything happen to you, let anyone else think they can have you.

"i held back because i'm a nice guy, like you say. and because i'm nice, i won't beat the crap out of them, yet. but they gotta understand... they can never be with you the way we're together."

you thought you knew what gonzalo meant to say, you thought he meant it in the nicest, friendliest way possible--and he sort of did, but he meant that... no one else can have what he wants with you; this romance with you that he's pictured in his head over and over again, but is too afraid to tell you and own up to his feelings.

he's scared he'll scare you away and lose you.

unlike miles, who always seems to share a laugh with you. miles is sometimes mistaken as your boyfriend, what with your friends and your parents always seeing you two together. you both loved art and music, hung out together several times, even without gonzalo, to share the pieces you two made, listen to music together, maybe graffiti a few walls here and there without his dad knowing; it was bliss, being with miles.

miles made you feel like the world was your oyster, he never restricted you to anything because he knew what it was like to be restricted from a lot of things.

unlike gonzalo, miles talks to you while he listens. he offers you advice, tries to solve your problems for you. and though you really appreciate his help, you somehow feel like he makes it his duty to take up your burdens and make them his own. miles has always been that way, selfless and people-loving, but it hurt you a lot to know that miles can't even help himself first a lot of the time.

he keeps telling you he's okay, he's not at all in any trouble, and even if he looks okay, you knew for a fact those were lies. miles wasn't the best liar, he was kind of compulsively lying, but the only lies he ever told you and everyone else he knew and cared about were that he was okay.

you really wanted to help him, but miles is stubborn; he insists he doesn't need help, he's "okay! what about you?" that's all he ever retorts with. as much as you loved miles, there were just times when you couldn't help him, not because you weren't just sure where to start, but he really closed himself off a lot of the time.

but, he's trying. he expresses himself through his art, and slowly, all his feelings unravel when you ask him about it. he could go on for hours on end about how much he put his feelings, his thoughts, his ideals into his work; how much love he imbued in every single bit of it.

one time, he made you a portrait; he was doing it subconsciously, maybe he did out of longing for you because he made it when you and your family were on vacation. he didn't realize it was you until gonzalo pointed it out, and slowly, he came to draw you, illustrate you, more and more, with and without him realizing that, in all his works... you're always the constant.

gonzalo encouraged him to hand it to you when you got back, but he was scared; what if you found it weird? what if you found it creepy? what if it was actually disproportionate to how you really looked? would you even recognize it was you?

but despite his overwhelming thoughts, he decided that he'd find out the answers when you gave it to him. and thus, he presented it to you the day you came home.

he hesitated, of course, he was nervous--fumbling over his words and laughing awkwardly to himself as you looked at the portrait.

"i know, i know, it's... kinda weird, no? like, out of the blue, you just came to mind. and i guess my hands just had minds of their own, it seems. ha, ah, um, well... hah, do you like it? is it... any good, or...?"

when you told him, without a second thought, that you loved it; he was so relieved. his confidence came back and he showed you more of what he made. though he was a little embarrassed because he thought some parts were off, some parts didn't capture the right essence of you--all that mattered to him was that you were happy, you liked what he made you.

but he could never tell you why you came to mind those days, why you were all he could think of that he drew you over and over and over again. when he listened to his favorite songs, only you came up to mind.

he's scared that if he tells you, he loses you.

the twins talked about how they felt about you to each other, and they came to a joint conclusion: they both loved you. well, that was okay, sort of... not that they'd stop being brothers if you liked either one of them.

"you know i'm not gonna lose to you though, right? i like them a whole lot, and... i care about them."

"hah, what makes you think i don't feel that way about them, too? you watch your back, brother, they'll be mine in no time."

guess it's double the trouble for you, with both morales boys pursuing you and your love.

a/n: yes i was inspired by the scene in the movie, you got me <33

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

There was one bit in Badlands Rumble that made me laugh far harder than it had any right to actually and it was this moment here where Vash is trying to cut into the thomas meat or I guess jerky (sorry for poor quality :/)

[ID: A screenshot from Trigun Badlands Rumble. Vash, with a comically but definitely annoyed expression - eyebrows furrowed, sweat dripping down his face, scowling - as he tries to push a knife through a chunk of thomas meat. End ID.]

See, here's the thing. Vash's irritation and anger is usually reserved for matters of life and death, or when people are being careless about these kinds of things. While he does get irritated sometimes around/because of other people, it's always a bit hard to tell whether it's, well... not genuine, because I wouldn't say he outright makes stuff up an awful lot, but he does have this tendency to divert attention by making his reaction about something else, or exaggerating his own feelings to comical levels. In this movie especially, he's acting near constantly, even if he's genuine in intent.

But here, he is completely alone. Amelia is conked out. There's no one to act for. And yet he can't get the knife through and just straight up yells out of genuine annoyance. Hjhfbdjfvh

Also, I'm not 100% sure about this but he yells and then the power lines just outside start sparking at the same time, and it's not Gasback because he's too far away and hasn't made a move yet, so like. Did he accidentally activate some Plant response out of sheer irritation??? Idk if it aligns with what we’ve seen Vash do in other media… was it just for effect? But that seems weird to me. If it really was his abilities that would I think make me lose it entirely - I'm not totally sure of the timeline but I don't think Fifth Moon has happened yet - has he just been sparking power lines every time he gets super annoyed like this and just never noticing??? Hello???

Anyways it's just kind of nice I guess to see him get irritated at something so low-stakes like this.

[grison-in-space]

I know we're past this point, but I'm beyond exhausted with ARA mentality making its way into the public consciousness. Flaco being championed as a symbol of freedom, Dodo promoting anthropomorphism, celebrities backing PETA, fucking TIKTOK. I work with sled dogs and I don't know how many people per week accuse us of abuse because dogs should be free and not "chained up" and why do we "make" the dogs work. No matter what you say, they just twist your words and take your frustration as admission. Sorry for the rant, but it's getting beyond annoying! How do we combat the misinformation when they take your information and say that you can't read an animals mind, even when the animal's behavior suggest its content?

Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I'm right there with you! It frustrates me, too, especially because animal communication and signaling was a huge part of my doctoral work, so I have spent a lot of time thinking about how animals can encode and unpack information from signals and cues* to communicate and share information with one another.

What I will usually do if I run into someone like this is treat the comment that "you can't read an animal's mind" as pertaining to both of us. I sure can't read an animal's mind, and neither can you, friend! So how can animals communicate with us about what they want? How can we use evidence from the animal'l own behavior to indicate its preferences?

Well, when we give animals choices, what do they do? Matilda doesn't love harnesses for their own sake, but she knows that she doesn't come with me for the day if the harness isn't out. When she sees the harness, she approaches me and stares intently; if I don't pick it up and put it on her, she will sometimes move in front of my and block my path to the outside. Or take my mice. When we open the top of the cage for a behavior session for the mice in my lab (a noninvasive "game" that asks them to choose between one side or another in exchange for little squirts of watered down Ensure), it's common to see mice pop out of the cage and start racing around the rim, trying to climb onto a hand. Animals learn cues from us about what is going to happen next, and they behave accordingly. If they aren't enjoying a task, you can usually tell!

Okay, that's for small, easily understood time units. What about the big questions? Would a dog rather run free than run in harness with a human handler? Well, it's certainly hard to get an informed consent from an animal, because again, no language to communicate risks TO THEM. But you can also go, okay, what does freedom actually look like for free roaming wild animals? There's... an awful lot of bad deaths out there, it turns out.

Like, a lot.

Hey. You're a human who presumably prefers to live in society. If I told you that I had the offer of a lifetime for you, where you'd be released from all debts and obligations to human society and in exchange you could go live on a naked island by yourself in a hut with a bucket to drop waste in and no running water, and just enough food to keep you alive until you learned how to successfully forage for yourself, would you do it? Or would you keep your debts and your job in exchange for being able to rely on a society to prevent your neighbors from deciding to murder you for rations, construct safe and hygienic ways to handle drinking water and waste, and devise predictable and palatable things to eat? Would you like to be released into the world without a social group or any connections, or would you rather stay in a society even though you're not able to make any possible decision that might flicker into your head?

If they tell me "yeah I'd love that actually," ask why they're not doing it right now. Like, I'm assuming you work tourism in some capacity, Nonny; why are they shelling money out for this dogsled ride if their dream is to be free of Society? Living in a big collective group always entails some loss of freedoms (e.g. I cannot play big brass music at full volume at 10pm unless I want my housemates to riot), but the potential gains (increased comfort, lowered costs, rewarding long term relationships) outweighs those costs.

Which is why when my dogs do get out, they usually stay in earshot and return when they're bored with brief exploration or they hear our alarmed contact calls. If the great outdoors was that much better, do you really think so many domestic animals would come right back?

*Technically speaking, you can extract information from both signals and cues, but a signal is intended to transmit information to a receiver and a cue is a physiological byproduct of an individual's state. Think of it as the difference between a human making eye contact with you and then glaring versus seeing a human having a whole-ass meltdown directed at no one in particular on a park bench. This is a meaningful difference for animals, too: I did quite a bit of work on eavesdropping in the animal world, where messages intended for one kind of receiver can be detected, accessed, and unpacked by another, much less desirable party — like a competitor or a predator.

[spookyscarydemonbabe]

Buggy SFW Alphabet

A- Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they like to show affection?)

Not insanely affectionate when around other people, especially the crew, but when it’s just the two of you it’s quite the opposite. When around other people he likes to be the star, he doesn’t focus on much other than himself. He really just stands with you closer to his side, he loves to show off his earnings and you’re the most precious thing he’s ever earned. He likes to have you sitting pretty on the sidelines while he does all the nitty gritty pirate stuff. It’s always your biggest argument whenever you’re all alone in his quarters. When it’s just the two of you he adores you. Treating you like you’re the most precious treasure across all seas.

B- Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He wouldn’t be all too good as a friend, he would make his intentions very clear from the start. He wants you more than anything, second only to being the most feared and powerful pirate anyone has known. He won’t stop until he has you either, always bringing you gifts and such to try and convince you further to let him have you.

C- Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle?How would they cuddle?)

He never admits to liking them, but he does enjoy a cuddle every now and then. Either very late at night when he wants to hold onto something to keep warm in bed or early in the morning when all he wants is to sleep in and enjoy your embrace. He likes to lay with his head against the pillow, you pulled into his side with your head on his chest and his arm around your shoulder, one of his hands detaching to hold tightly onto your thigh if it’s a bit too big for him to reach all the way around.

D- Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, etc.?)

Awful. He is just about the worst of them when it comes to either of those things but he occasionally tries to keep things nice for you. He’s not a messy or dirty person per se, but it’s not like he likes things squeaky clean. He keeps his bed made and his things in their spots, it’s all organized chaos. He’ll only cook or clean when you tell him to, he wants to make sure that he can keep you as happy as he can, he would hate for you to leave him. So if that means you need him to scrub the floors of his quarters and make you a decent meal to share afterwards it’s the least he can do to keep you another day.

E- Ending (If they had to break up with their partner how would they do it?)

Politely refusing to do this one 🥰

F- Fiancé (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He wouldn’t necessarily want to call it a marriage, more so an alliance he wouldn’t dare to double cross. As long as you stayed with him, he’d spare every town you told him to, save for a little bit of looting. You know he would never leave anywhere empty handed. It’s how he managed to get your rings.

G- Gentle (How gentle are they? Both physically and emotionally.)

He was absolutely terrible at being gentle when he first met you, you basically had to teach him how to be more gentle with you in almost every way possible. His grip would be too hard on you, he hated having to talk about issues you had, it was quite difficult for him to figure out when it was time to treat things as a joking matter until you looked him in his eyes and said you’d be gone if he couldn’t be more gentle with you. It was almost a complete 180 after that.

H- Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

It’s rare when he gives you a nice, warm, long hug. He’s never been big on them, but when he’s genuinely frustrated he sometimes just needs you there to hold onto. You make him feel like everything is going to be alright again.

I- I Love You (How fast do they say it?)

He wouldn’t actually say it until it’s been a decent amount of time since you’ve been with him. The only reason he didn’t say it was because he was too proud to admit it was love. He’d always say how he adored you, how you were the most precious treasure he’d ever gotten, but it took him a while to finally figure out that it was love he felt.

J- Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Very jealous. Very quickly. It’s kind of part of the reason you like him so much, he’s very possessive. You have an agreement with each other so he knows that when you’re out at the bars, flirting with other guys for free drinks or information about other captains and their crews, you’re not going to do anything other than some harmless flirting to get what you need. Never anything more. But if he sees one of them get a little too handsy or if they start letting their words cross a line, he takes care of it in the blink of an eye.

K- Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

When he kisses you, he does it one of two ways. He’ll hold onto your collar, pull you in fast and close and kiss you nice and rough. Like he needs it to get through the day. Or, he’ll place his hands to your waist and bring you in slow, softly enveloping your lips. Those times are a bit more frequent than the latter. Either way, you’re happy to pull away with his red makeup smeared onto your face.

His favorite spot to kiss you is your neck. He always makes sure it gets the most of his attention. The sides of your neck, the back of your neck, he’ll even sometimes trail down to your collarbone and back up again. His favorite spot is right over your pulse, he likes to feel that little pitter patter of your heartbeat against his lips.

Strangely enough, he loves it when you kiss him on the nose. He knows people are going to stare at it regardless, he’s just a little more proud of it when everyone else can see the lipstick marks over the fluorescent red paint.

L- Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

Just awful. He has a hard enough time with people as is, but bringing children into the mix is no different. Treats them just the same as he would his crew, and he has absolutely no issue with taking them out if they get in his way.

M- Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

It all depends on which side of the bed he wakes up on. It’s always a 50/50, he’ll either want to lay in bed all day with you, snuggled up and doing absolutely nothing other than admire the fact that he has you there with him. Or, he’ll wake up grumpy as ever, needing a big breakfast and a pretty girl (you) on his lap while he tries to not lash out.

N- Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are usually much more relaxed than mornings are. He’s exhausted by the time the day is done so he likes a nice and calm evening before bed. You’ll help him with getting his things set up for the next day and making sure your bed is nice and comfortable for him to crawl into.

O- Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or do they open slowly?)

It would take a while for him to reveal much of anything about his past to you until he’s certain he’s got you for the long run. He doesn’t like to show much weakness to others, he comes off as very cocky and confident to most, so you knew he really trusted you when he started to reveal little personal things here and there. It made you like him a little bit more after he got comfortable.

P- Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Very quick to anger, but with you it’s a bit different. He’s the boss of everyone else on his crew, but you’re the boss of him. He’ll never lay a hand on you unless you tell him it’s alright, and you know how irritated he gets when things don’t go his way. You’ll let him have his moment, yelling about this and that while throwing things around and berating his crew, but you know he’ll apologize to you for having to see him like that and clean up after himself. He quite literally begs for your forgiveness afterwards, he doesn’t want his temper to scare you away.

Q- Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they mention every little detail in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

He does his best to remember, but it always comes at the worst times. He’ll only remember your favorite flower after seeing them on a sellers cart and robbing him of every one he has just for you. He’ll only remember your favorite food after pillaging through another island and taking all their food and supplies and saving it for you to snack on whenever you like. He can be very sweet, but it’s in his own way.

R- Remember (What is their favorite memory of your relationship?)

When you agreed to stay with him, and he remembers that moment often. He’d spent WEEKS doing absolutely everything he could to convince you to be on his crew, offering you food, money, clothes, jewelry, anything he could think of just to get you to say ‘yes’, and when you finally agreed he realized that just being a part of his crew wasn’t enough. He wanted full access to you at all times, believing you to be more valuable than anything he had ever gotten. It got to a point where his special treatment just became the norm, you stay at his side, looking pretty and letting him do all the hard work so he looks like the biggest baddest pirate to ever cross the sea, but he does it all yo make you happy.

S- Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s VERY protective of you. He tries to make it seem like you’re just another crew mate when you’re out and about, not wanting anyone else to figure out that if you were taken from him he would lose everything he’s worked so hard for. He makes sure that whenever you want to go out and have your alone time, he’ll send a few of the crew to keep an eye on you just to make sure you’re not in any danger.

T- Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Like i said beforehand, he’s sweet but in his own way. He’d never mention any specific anniversaries or dates except when you’re alone. The whole day will go by as normal, but as soon as he’s ready to retire back to his quarters, he’ll show you how grateful he is for completing another milestone together. A month, six months, a year, and every year after that. Not to mention how he likes to make sure that it’s very special for the two of you. He has the crew going out and doing tasks that they know only come around once a year. Searching high and low for flowers, candles, little sweets and candies all for you. The cooks will make you a very small but intimate meal. He cherishes you and though he doesn’t show it often, he really means it.

U- Ugly (What would be some of their bad habits?)

He’s got quite a few. He’s a pirate, for one, so cleanliness is not really something he’s worried about. He still showers and takes care of himself a decent bit, but it’s rare. He’s someone who doesn’t really think much before he says or does anything, so he’s very quick to react. Meaning that often times when he injures himself it’s accidentally by his own hand.

V- Vanity (Hoe concerned are they about their appearance?)

Not overly concerned with it, all he cares about is his makeup looking good, but that’s really about it.

W- Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely. You’re the treasure he’s worked the hardest to get, there’s no way he wouldn’t be lost without you.

X- Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

His hair is actually quite long beneath his hat. He’s got the tassels at the sides of his captains hat made from his actual hair, but as soon as he pulls his striped cap off he’s got very long and quite soft blue hair.

Y- Yuck (What are some things he wouldn’t like, in general and in a partner?)

He wouldn’t want someone who doesn’t know how to take charge. He knows how stubborn he is, and he likes having someone that challenges him a little bit. He actually loves it, and he has no problem with you taking charge behind closed doors. He’s the boss of everyone else on the ship, but you know you’re the boss of him. And he knows it too.

Z- Zzz (A sleep habit of theirs.)

Makes a lot of noise in his sleep. It’s a lot of man sounds, grunts and groans, but eventually it becomes like white noise to you. He also fidgets and moves around a lot in his sleep, you even were able to talk him into a bigger bed and he’d never object to that, but he somehow always ends up pressed against you.

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

I feel myself having so much less patience these days, and I don't like it.

Patience and compassion and kindness are things that must be cultivated like tender plants - they grow by the inch and die by the foot.

Seeing into someone's heart is something that takes a little effort, but the way to do it is by reframing your outlook, like you might adjust your vision to see through water. There are layers to a person, and you have to look past what they say or do on the surface in order to get to their true motivations.

And it takes patience and holding space for people, because they are used to operating in an unsafe environment. It's like when you go to the pond, you're not likely to see frogs right away. You might need to sit quietly for a half hour before the frogs re-emerge and float to the surface. But once you see them, suddenly there are frogs everywhere! You just had to wait until your mind allowed you to take them in. People's vulnerabilities and intentions are the same way. You might need to wait a while until the person is sure you are safe to be around, or they might have been exhibiting all of those vulnerabilities and motivations pretty openly; you just couldn't tell until you knew what you were looking for.

This gets much, much harder to do when you yourself don't feel safe, especially when you aren't (or feel like you aren't) being seen as human. You also (obviously) must see the other person as equally human to yourself, or this doesn't work. Perhaps a broken, deeply flawed person; but a person nonetheless.

I work in the domestic violence field, and so I end up talking to a lot of abusers in my professional life on behalf of my clients. I've found that it helps a lot to be kind. Why? Not because it's deserved, but because it's unexpected. They come into the situation ready to fight and argue, and instead, I speak to them kindly and explain why what my clients are asking for is in everyone's best interests. This seems to deflate them pretty immediately. They come into the situation thinking I'm the boss level for "fights with my ex (or whatever)" and then I listen. I take them out of earshot of my client, I let them vent (which helps me figure out what they actually want) and then I patiently explain our position and how we're offering to resolve the situation. And you know what? It works. A lot of the time, they were expecting me to treat them like a monster. But they're not a monster; they're a person who has done some inexcusable and horrific things, but they remain a person. I think about both my abusive exes, and the truth is that they're both people I loved, and loved for a reason. I wouldn't want someone else to hurt them (even if it was in cruel words only) just because they hurt me. Sometimes, the abuser is the father (or mother) of the client's children. There is typically always anger, but what good does it do for me to vent that anger for my client? Who does it help? Nobody. If we can't agree, then fine. I will do my job of asking the tough questions without mercy. But before that? Far better to de-escalate if possible.

Another conflict resolution thing: you have to remove the aggressive third parties that are angry on one side or the other's behalf. They tend to aggravate the party and escalate the situation by talking in the person's ear and saying how unfair this is and generally making it about their own feelings rather than problem solving.

But here too, finding out where the third parties who have involved themselves in the situation actually want is critical to diffusing this as well. They are people who are righteously (at least in their mind) angry on behalf of one of the parties because they love them and this has activated their protective side. And sometimes people really do need an advocate, yes. But sometimes (a lot of times) these third parties actually get in the way of de-escalation and problem solving.

All of this requires patience, effort, cultivation. And I work hard to do that. But lately my patience has been worn thin by too many people seeing me as subhuman, and it's really starting to wear on me.