#esp when like. people can do magic from birth or whatever

[alkemylabz]

i love when we are introduced to in universe concepts that r considered ubiquitous via diagetic means like in universe books and videos and stuff. esp when its explaining stuff that realistically youd be living under a rock if you didnt know. like Heres your handbook for Stupid Idiots That Dont Know What The Sun Is

[piratejct]

* 𝐠𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐚𝐲, 𝐜𝐢𝐬-𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 + 𝐡𝐞 / 𝐡𝐢𝐦 | you know 𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐲 “𝐬𝐢𝐝” 𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐮, right? they’re 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 by 𝐨𝐡𝐢𝐨 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫𝐬 like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐭’𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬, 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟎𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐨 thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is 𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝟏𝟔𝐭𝐡, so they’re a 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

NAME: kassidy averescu  NICKNAME(S): sid. strictly sid  D.O.B: january 16th, 1996 AGE: 25 BIRTH PLACE: irving, north carolina  CURRENTLY RESIDING: irving, north carolina SEXUALITY: bi-curious, but we don’t talk about it  OCCUPATION: entitled twat / pesky lil crook 

tw: mentions of gangs, crime, drugs, weapons, attempted murder but not really. 

BACKSTORY: 

born and raised in irving, has lived in the same freakin’ mansion in aquila drive pretty much his whole life. serving you the full rich boy fantasy, except it’s all rotten. illegal as shit. his mother, who’s been pretty much an outlaw since she was in her early twenties, literally runs like a tiny little crime organization where she recruits family members and people she finds trustworthy enough to pull off heists and just... earn all that $$$ in ways that could get you seriously fucked if anyone ever found out. she’s quite powerful and.. frankly quite scary for a woman in her late fifties. truly knows how to get shit done. i mean.. she trained her kids to be semi successful young criminals, so.. that’s pretty badass of her. 

to be fair, though, he still had a childhood. he wasn’t, like, laundering money at the age of six. growing up, he obviously wasn’t exposed to a lot of illegal stuff. would get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and didn’t even question it. thought for the longest time that his mother really was this successful business lady or whatever, and all the shady people in their living room past 10pm were just other company owners. 

never met his dad. guy’s been out of the picture since before his mother even knew she was pregnant. has few half-siblings, though none of them probably has the same father as their mom was never one for commitment. sid fully leaves the half part out when talking about them, because.. well, they all pretty much grew up together, so that makes them 100% siblings. 

he’s the only boyo in the family and uhh... sometimes it’s as if he believes he deserves special treatment because of it??? idk. 

did well enough in high school, got accepted to college in charlotte on a swimming scholarship even though the fam had more than enough money to pay for the studies. but, he was a good swimmer and.. it was recognized. he used to compete a little and even won a couple of times, but.. he still wanted more. started getting greedy. grew up getting everything handed to him, was the best on the high school swimming team so when he went off to college and met another guy who was maybe even slightly better?? oh, hello, he was not gonna take it. i think that was like the first time he felt properly jealous. threatened to shit. at that point in his life, he was aware of the stuff his mother had been pulling, having been involved a couple of times before. so, he thought he could just take the matter into his own hands and once before a competition, he crushed up a bunch of sleeping pills and had someone slip them into the dude’s gatorade. guy literally passed out in the water and almost drowned. to nobody’s surprise, the competition was put on hold and sid literally had the audacity to be like ??? what !! but he passed out, so .. how does that not mean i win??? 

anyways, the accomplice felt so horrible about this, they told on him and sid was obviously kicked out of uni. in fact, the whole situation was serious enough for people to want to take it even further (aka to court) but that’s where sid’s mom stepped in and did some of her ~ magic ~ to get her shit child, as well as the overall family name, out of trouble. she was so, so disappointed, though. like, wow, she went in on him, and he cried like a little bitch on the ride home. hasn’t spoken of this incident since, but if you bring it up, he’ll stick to the story the guy just passed out. not his fault. don’t hold it against him. <3 

has grown a lil since the incident. learned to be more careful when it comes to sabotage. now, he’ll smile to the opponents face, lose with grace, and afterwards get his revenge if he’s feeling petty enough. 80% of the time, he is. 

currently lives with the fam and is very involved in the whole.. heisting. gets a massive kick out of it, tbh. 

PERSONALITY: 

um, first of all, he’s absolutely unhinged. quite unpredictable. like, he’s not necessarily always ready to stab someone, but there are moments where he just does something and you’re like ??? oh my fucking god, please stop. literally, whenever he’d get angry abt something he’d go a little off the rails and maybe shoot the radio or the tv and his mom wld jst be like ... it’s okay, baby. go at it. i’ll let you shoot one object a week. whatever makes you feel better <3 so yea, in a way she... encouraged a lot of this behavior?? idk, i don’t wanna point fingers, but if she had let him.. not be a brat for a second, he wld maybe be a different person today. rip. 

restless. so fucking restless. and you know what does not help?! all the coke he does! and molly! and other shit that doesn’t do any good when your mind is already going hundred miles per minute. yum, yum. 

absolutely thrillseeker. he just wants to feel stuff. adrenaline rush 24/7. can somewhat contain himself enough not to mess up when on a job, but in his free time?? he’ll literally get someone to ram his head into a wall and freakin’ laugh abt it. it’s a mess. a riot. 

omg ... has the nasty tendency of handling weapons like they’re toys. will spontaneously do shit like a point a gun at you or put it in his mouth and be like ... yo yo yo. thinks it’s funny? i honestly don’t know what’s going thru his mind. 

because his thoughts move at the speed of light, he also tends to speak super fast when he’s all riled up abt something. also knows a bit of asl n ... its actually quite scary how fast he can sign along. 

doesn’t hold back. if he feels strongly abt something, he’ll prob voice his opinion. isn’t afraid to be like “i hate that guy and i don’t want him around” when the guy is literally stood there like ?? chill. i just came to get my copy of great gatsby ??

acts like he’s the shit. conceited prick. self-proclaimed big dick energy, but if u look closer, it reeks of insecurities. absolutely never point that out. 

genuinely offended when he can’t be the best/most skillful person in the room, esp if it it’s something he considers himself good at. has bit of a hard time admitting defeat. 

fr the most part, his bark seems bigger than his bite. has definitely tried resolving conflicts by going “mooooooom!!!!” at the age of twenty-fuckin’-five. manbaby realness. 

guess he can be bit of a fuckboi?? sleeps with a bunch of ladies while looking at boys from afar and going ..... *heavy sigh*. has had a crush on.. quite a few, but he’d rather eat his own hair than ever publicly admit to it. 

though, he’s by no means homophobic. jst ... a little unsure of his sexuality n it makes him a lil insecure. bt.. vulnerabilities and ... that sorta stuff?? pfft. not in his household. 

also . don’t call him kassidy. he won’t respond. unless you’re his mom. and you’re angry. then he might weep. 

WCS: 

um. i’ll make a list at some point maybe bt until then.... come punch him in the gut? <3 

[kikuism]

the year has come to a close and now more than ever it's so important to dwell on the lovely things that have happened, so here are the things and people that made me not perish during the course of this hellish year ....

@home-compass hadiya it's hard to believe we've known each other for so long now but especially this year it's been so much fun getting to chat with you....i love your vibe and your energy and the rush i get about talking about simon and baz and british live action shows is just unparalleled. thank you for sending me carry on bc otherwise i wouldn't have gotten into this series and i can't wait to yell about any way the wind blows with you 🥺

@schech JENNA 😭😭😭💖💕💝💞💘💗💓 where do i even start omg.....i genuinely can't even remember how we started talking, but i'm so glad that we did, bc it feels like we've been friends forever now and i couldn't think of a better person to spend literally the entirety of lockdown/quarantine chatting with 😭😭 you were there since march, all the way back when it started.....i'm so happy to have gotten to know you!!! your blog is such a warm cozy space and i love reading your tags on your posts, and i love that we have #writer struggles together, and whenever you talk about luke i just feel like 'oh okay so love exists after all 🥺🥺 feel like pure shit just want what they have....' it's such a warm feeling i get when i read about you two, and esp this year when everything really did feel like pure shit. oh, and then there's all the books/shows we got into together....the witcher, dark, carry on, chainsaw man..... then there's the vampire au, which you've been in on since literally its birth, when it was nothing more than a few tags on a text post, alllll the way till now, the 230+ page document that it is 😭 thank you for being as passionate about it as i am, and for all the posts you send me that remind you of it.....you have no idea how much it's helped me and how much i appreciate that. and i can't wait to share it with you. and i can't wait to yell about the chainsaw man anime with you, and whatever new books we read next year, and jujutsu kaisen, and everything else 💖🥺💕💓💝💘💞 i love you jenna!!!!!

@sheherazade ilika omg 🥺 my cool chic literary mutual.....how did this happen 😳👉👈 your vibes are Impeccable, and your blog reflects your exquisite and refined character....and you're so thoughtful and your mind is sharp like a tack! your book lore posts always floor me and i always have to stop and read them over. your mind seems like a beautiful, mysterious, gilded hallway that i think would be a joy to peruse through. oh, and you got me into the queen's thief series, for which i am forever grateful.... it's a series that made me fall in love with reading all over again. your passion for it was so infectious, i just had to give them a go. oh, and every time i listen to soldier, poet, king, i always think of you and eugenides. the song and this series...i just associate them with you now! and it always warms my heart when you send me things you think i might enjoy, especially the princess fics, like the little mermaid one, which are things i never would have read or even discovered on my own but are such little pockets of joy for me when i read them. i'm excited for all the new books we'll read in the new year, and the new songs we'll discover....thank you for being a source of light for me this year, ilika 🤍🕊️

@yutadori miss falen i'm 😭💝💖💓💕 talking to you always brings me such warmth and comfort and coziness. i'm so happy we got to chat more this year, and i love getting to gush with you about jujutsu kaisen and esp megumi and his dogs....and i love reading your fics so much 🥺🥺 thank you for always lending an ear to me and for inspiring me with my own writing....it means so much more to me than i can ever say 🌸

@hinamie genuinely don't think there's anything more i can say that i haven't already seen in our 2.5 years of friendship on this site (omg 😭😭).....but hina you are such a source of inspiration and your tenacity always inspires me 🥺 and it goes without saying that your art is incredible and genuinely keeps blowing me away....i'm so excited to see where you'll go from here and i'm rooting for you!! ilysm hina 💕💓💖💝💘

books.....books really saved me this year. i never got to read as much as i wanted to during uni but now that i've graduated--in the midst of a pandemic--i had nothing but time. and i read so much!! 17 books....which doesn't sound like a lot, and i've never kept count before but this is so much more than i've read in previous years. it was so nice to just read for pleasure, and not through an academic lens. i just ...love reading....and i love sharing what i've read and seeing what my friends are reading and what they recommend....it's so lovely. our own little online book club. i've read and greatly enjoyed books they've recommended, and they've read what i've recommended and told me they enjoyed it, and it's so fulfilling. it brings me so much joy. i may not have gotten to travel or even just go outside this year but through books i went to places i couldn't even have imagined and met people of all kinds and it really is just magical 🥺

writing. of course. nothing grounds me more! nothing lights my soul on fire like writing. i can't even comprehend how many words i've written this year.....a lot. so much. i've grown so much in what i can write and how i can write. and i love getting to talk about it here, even if i don't share it like i used to, i love sharing my characters with you. thank you for loving them and for listening to me gush endlessly about them....it just floors me every time. in the best way.

[phoebehalliwell]

I liked the Wyatt is evil, because this dude is literally invincible and his family helps people that we have proof would turn on them at any given chance, and everyone he knows suffers from this duty (and his aunts hate magic a lot around him), and even the people on the “good” side are awful (elders) so of course he went fuck it I’m protecting them but then we find out it’s because some elder took him when he was one, and then nothing else.

honestly i can’t say i agree wyatt being evil is like a nice plot twist esp with the whole chris thing but like you know. really our root our tether to the story is like piper (& phoebe & paige) like to us wyatt isn’t wyatt, he’s piper’s son, especially bc the pregnancy was a big deal and the birth was a big deal and then like as a baby wyatt’s still a big deal like chris can be a character bc he’s like an adult with his own agenda and motivations and personality but wyatt to us is almost solely an extension of piper & leo. and like, god do we root for piper and leo. in s1 you’re like omg how cute in s2 you’re like ew why is dan still here Can We Bring Leo Back Now in s3 they finally get married!! in s4 in s5 in s6 etc. like they are made out to be like true love like soulmates the epitome of all things good & wyatt is the product of that. and once again i’m taking nature vs nurture bc i have never taken a psych class and this is literally all i know about child psychology but if we look at the nature side both piper and leo are these great forces of good known for their capacity to care patty tells piper you’re the heart of this family leo was literally such a good person they made him an angel like you are not starting out tabula rasa here you are starting out bent on good And Then over to nurture they love wyatt and you know they’d try their best to raise him and they really really wanted a kid and they had wyatt like i get what you’re saying about the charmed ones’ complex relationship with magic and also the elders are dickwads but it’s like. at worst i think he’d be like piper where he’d just tell the elders to go fuck off and would try to live a relatively normal life but i don’t think any of him would be geared towards evil. i think you know there are maybe some conditions that yield an evil wyatt (e.g. being endlessly tortured while a grown man and beacon of good tries to kill you for years) but i think in general he really is raised & also genetically predisposed if u believe in that to see the good. when piper’s at her lowest and is like fuck it the source can do whatever he wants i just want to be left alone i want no part in this game she still isn’t evil. at worst i think we get an insanely apathetically wyatt who no longer believes in the good in the world, but i don’t think he would be one who ever seeks out destruction bc like That’s Not The Vibe y’know. like okay clearly some situations might yield that but like in general if you you know like don’t believe in the loyalties of others due to frequent betrayals and you see the harm magic has done and the paragons of good magic are all assholes, would your conclusion really be okay this blows, time to make it worse? or would it be like y’know what fuck you don’t call me i’m out. but even to reach an apathetic wyatt roaming the world unfeeling like some old god i think we still have to sprinkle in a health dose of trauma to reach that state. i think in the strong majority of realities, wyatt sits firmly in good.

[lasercruz]

@quarterdollar​ fuck you and im sorry that i took so long to answer and i hope that im mostly coherent because i am. very tired as im typing this

1: Full name Nicky Jackie Marie Cruz !!

2: Age 21

3: 3 Fears Mold, tall heights if I’m not secured (like, I’m not scared of rollercoaster heights but I’m scared of like, cliffs), and balloons esp balloon animals

4: 3 things I love I love so many things uhh hh h. Jjba, adventure zone, and my friendssss 💞

I know turn ons/offs aren’t inherently sexual but i never know what to say for them so im skipping them :0

7: My best friend you 🥺🥺

8: Sexual orientation bi

9: My best first date ive never really been on a actual date :0

10: How tall am I 5′3

11: What do I miss being with my friends physically and just watching stuff or goofing around on the floor 😭

12: What time were I born 11:02pm

13: Favourite color Dark blues

14: Do I have a crush yes shh

15: Favourite quote there so much sappy quotes that are on uquizzes a lot that i like a lot the first that comes to mind is “ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.” and so on and also “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more”

16: Favourite place As far as just physically and not like people or other stuff that comes with with a place, I miss VT campus a lot tbh more than I thought I would. To pick a more specific place, the gazebo at the duck pond cause its where I’d go if I wanted to be alone or like if my roommate was sleeping or working and i didnt want to worry about being quite and it was always super peaceful

17: Favourite food I dont really have One favorite food it just depends what I’m in the mood for but my go to answer for favorite food category wise is either chinese or seafood

18: Do I use sarcasm Depends who I’m with ?? Generally no not often but if im close with someone and just goofin yeah

19: What am I listening to right now My love song playlist. its my go to thing to listen to cause my playlist with all my music has so much on it that i end up skipping half the songs until i find something im in the mood for and this one has a lot less that i end up skipping. the current song its on is day without you by keep for cheap

20: First thing I notice in new person It depends on the person like if they have something that stands out about them, thats what I tend to notice but like. How they carry themself i guess ? cause i feel like thats a easy way to get a read on somebody before talking to them

21: Shoe size 5 mens / 7 womans

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Naturally dark brown but currently dyed black with rainbow bangs

24: Favourite style of clothing this question is on so many ask games and quizzes and I never know how to answer it cause i feel like i dont really have one specific style,, I like colorful and fun stuff i guess ?

25: Ever done a prank call?  No and if you prank call a place of business youre annoying. i used to answer phones at work and we didn’t get them super often but GOD i hate prank callers

27: Meaning behind my URL emu is an old nickname and what i mainly went by until i settled on Nicky and this. is my blog.

28: Favourite movie Baby driver !!

29: Favourite song my go to answer for this is community gardens by the scary jokes

30: Favourite band THE SCARY JOKES

31: How I feel right now sleeby,,,,

32: Someone I love i love , my friendz ,, 🥺🥰

33: My current relationship status single ✌️

34: My relationship with my parents im close to my mom but i dont really get along with my dad ,

35: Favourite holiday Christmas !

36: Tattoos and piercing i have no tattoos, 3 piercings in each ear (2 on each earlobe and 1 on the top on each side)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I want a interrobang on my wrist and an Aquarius symbol on my ankle and MAYBE the joestar birthmark, i wouldn’t mind more ear piercings and i want a septum piercing but ive seen videos of them getting done and they make me squirm i dont know if id go through with it

38: The reason I joined Tumblr sdklgkjgh i had a my little pony roleplay blog before i made my personal account

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we’re good friends !!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? no not regularly at least

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? no

42: When did I last hold hands? my mom tried to hold my hand when i was half asleep on the couch the other day but like i was so out of it so like it was more our fingers together and the rest of my hand just loosely dangling so if that doesnt count, you

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? i give myself about 2 hours if im doing full makeup but thats purposefully longer than i need so i dont have to worry about rushing and i can relax and take my time

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i only shave them if they’re gonna be showing or if the Urge to be Smooth comes over me

45: Where am I right now? my room at home on my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably Kaylie cause she doesn’t drink and i assume if im drunk with other friends there she’d be the only sober one

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable, if i have it too loud i cant think so the only time i  have my music loud is if im doing nothing and want to Not Think

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Ye

49: Am I excited for anything? short term im excited for the ai crushes all banks stream tonight and long term im excited to move into our apartment 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? no im not a tell everything to someone type of person .

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? i smile most of the time like, at work (before we wore masks) id always be smiling to look nice and like. just in general if i want to Not Look Unhappy or whatever

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? my mom probably like, yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? ive never kissed any1     .

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?  nope i don’t think i really trust easily so like this doesnt rlly happen,

55: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up late cause i was up late last night so ive been tired all day I dont like the feeling

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? language barriers aside itd be super cool to meet hirohiko araki

57: What do I think about most? Whatever media im currently most into so right now adventure zone and magnus archives

58: What’s my strangest talent? umm i dunno im kinda flexable i guess ? not like ~contortionist~ level but like enough that i can freak people out sometimes

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i mentioned balloons as a fear in an eariler question so yeah that but im a lot better about it than i used to be

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front tbh

61: What was the last lie I told? i was on phones for the last hour and a half of my shift on friday and like. when people call and ask if an item is in stock and i can’t confirm it i, just tell them its not. like, someone asked if we had a specific kayak and i usually just search the walmart app or run over to where itd be to check but the kayaks are to far for me to run to and the app said limited stock which usually means little to none so , i just put it on hold for a bit then tell him we’re out.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like video chatting in theory cause its nice to see people visibly react to stuff but i tend to get too self conscious about how i look so i  just do audio only

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes to both !! i am both

64: Do I believe in magic? yes in some ways i suppose

65: Do I believe in luck? yes im v superstitious

66: What’s the weather like right now? its a pretty good day its sunny but not too hot :oo

67: What was the last book I’ve read? its been ages since i last read a book in full 😔  i honestly dont knwo what the last one would of been 😔 😔

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes !!! love it

69: Do I have any nicknames? not anything i get consistently called no

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? ive never gotten super hurt that i can think of ??

71: Do I spend money or save it? save it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? doppio bean plush ,,,,

74: Favourite animal? hedgehogs!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? on my phone probably on tiktok or something waiting for jojo to come on toonami

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I? dont think he has one i guess ??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? butterflies by samsa but it makes me happy in the “im crying now” kinda way itss cute

78: How can you win my heart? just by being nice and respectful tbh ,

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk i dont really want anything fancy just my name (chosen name please god im so scared of dying and geting my birth name on my tombstone if that happens i WILL come back as a vengeful ghost) and my birth and death dates

80: What is my favorite word? saccharine

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr by my tumblr crushes (which its been YEARS since i looked at) ; frostios, 27names4tears, smollpurrito, happynaru, and warpedlamp

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? if we being real id just get so scared dsjkfsldjglg  theres so much i could say i dont know :((

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? not ? that i know of 

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? why are all the questions worded super basic except this one skdlskdjfj. Shape shifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i can really think of anything really as long as a friend is asking i tend to answer truthfully ?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Sobble BUT this reminded me that i wanted to change it to a xenoblade pic so its this now :

90: Failed a class? no

91: Kissed a boy? no

92: Kissed a girl? no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no but oh god just thinking about that im 🥺🥺🥺🥺 id die id melt 🥺🥺

94: Had job? ye i was a cashier for a year in highschool and then i work in wamlart apparel in the summers

95: Left the house without my wallet? not when I know ill need it no, but ive left it home if im just going to a friend or family member’s house or i have my mom’s card or some cash in my pocket

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no !!

98: Played on a sports team? no lmao i dont do sports

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? i had a weed brownie like once but it was such a small piece i didnt really feel anything

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? Ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? not currently i was vegan for a little bit to encourage a friend that was doing it though

104: Been overweight? no

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding?  yes three, my grandma’s when she got remarried, and both my brothers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably yes lmao often

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? not TV TV but if netflix and the like count then yes

109: Been outside my home country? no :(

110: Gotten my heart broken? not ? really no

111: Been to a professional sports game? ive been to a handful of Yankee games

112: Broken a bone? no

114: Been to prom? yes i went to my highschool’s and a friend’s highschool’s my senior year

115: Been in airplane? no

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none :((((

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? ye

119: Learned another language? i took 3 years of Spanish in high school but i wasn’t any good at it and dont really remember much of what i did learn

120: Wore make up? yes i do often :0

123: Dyed my hair? ye a lot

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes ever since iv been old enough to i vote

125: Rode in an ambulance? no

126: Had a surgery?  dental surgery yes

127: Met someone famous? Not anyone i’d count no

128: Stalked someone on a social network? depends on what you count as stalking i guess but like not ever in a creepy way like ive been on people’s social media to find out stuff about them like. if theyre in a relationship or especially after highschool ill wonder about someone i havent talked to in awhile and ill see what theyve been up to and what theyre doing with their life and stuff

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? yes like once

131: Helped with charity? donation wise yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? ive never confessed to anyone and been rejected but once a friend told my crush i liked them and they confronted me about it and rejected me but it made me more mad at the friend that told them than it made me sad about being rejected because i knew it’d probably go like that  and it justmade thing awkward between us for awhile  😔

133: Broken a mirror? ive broken the little mirrors inside eyeshadow pallets but i havent broken full ones

134: What do I want for birthday? usually just money lol or something thoughtful and cute

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i aggresivly do NOT want kids BUT hypohetically Elliot or Xander for a boy and idk what i’d nam a girl

136: Was I named after anyone? no

137: Do I like my handwriting?  its messy so no not really but if im writing something for myself like a not or whatever i dont mind as long as i can read it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? even as a little kid i always played computer games but other than that, this guy :

139: Favourite Tv Show? Jojo

140: Where do I want to live when older? New york or japan

141: Play any musical instrument? i can kind of play harmonica

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i burnt my thumb kinda bad on the oven a while ago its still kinda healing but right now it looks like its gonna stay a scar

143: Favourite pizza toping? i like everything/suprieme pizza but if i have to pick one single topping pepperoni

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yes :((

145: Am I afraid of heights? mentioned it earlier but yes if im not strapped in or secured etc

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no im so scared of being caught doing something bad that i just. dont

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? i mean yes but thats life babey

149: What my greatest achievments are ive gotten awards for grades and stuff but that boring BUT i got the english department award or whatever that was called im very proud of that

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery i donate some and save the rest tbh

152: What do I like about myself i can be pretty  sometimes 👉👈 im cute or whateva ,,,

153: My closest Tumblr friend i dont really havent “tumblr friends” aside from friends i know irl and also tey have tumblrs ,,

154: Something I fantasise about just. growing up and having my own place maybe with someone and. being comfortable and  okay and not having to worry ,,

155: Any question you’d like? dkfjhdskhf japan :000

[lilacmoon83]

Dreaming Out Loud

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 107: Click Your Heels Together Three Times

Frollo seethed angrily, as he watched Snow White and her army overthrow his King and imprison him again. It had been a few months now since everything had occurred. Naturally, he had been ready to interfere and make sure this was one battle that she lost, but the battle between the Gods had rattled the heavens in a violent way and to his horror, Zeus had been dethroned by Persephone and she now ruled in his place. And he wasn't sure that he, even with all his new powers, could challenge her. Yet. He paced the expanse of his new laboratory, inside Bald Mountain, anxiously. He was infuriated by this turn of events. For all intents and purposes, Snow White and her mother had ended the war and now each sat on their respective Thrones.

"There must be a way to turn things back in my favor," he brooded, as he looked through his books and finally chose the one labeled, "The Black Cauldron."

It was the book he had obtained with the Cauldron he used in his work with alchemy and scientific experiments. It now aided him in melding magical spells with science and had been used to create the magic suppressing cuffs and the gauntlets he had encased Midas' hands with to prevent him from utilizing his touch. It was powerful and he had acquired it from three witches and stole it from them. He still remembered one of the witches warning him about the power of the Cauldron and how it could doom the world if its power didn't remain under control. But Frollo paid her no mind and he had the witches taken back to his home country where they were executed for being exactly what they were.

He leafed through the ancient spell book and took note of the many powerful spells. There was one where the Cauldron could create an undead army and though he knew such could give Persephone and the Gods quite the challenge, it wasn't enough. He needed to take their magic completely and that would require more than just magic suppressing cuffs.

"What you need...is a curse," a voice interjected and Frollo turned to find the disgraced and now very mortals forms of Zeus and Deimos.

"And how could you possibly help me in anyway now?" Frollo questioned.

"With knowledge, of course. I still have all my knowledge," Zeus countered.

"And what do you mean by curse?" Frollo asked.

"I know for a fact that Queen Regina seeks to cast a dark curse that will take us all to a Land Without Magic. She wishes to punish those that have wronged her and sending them to Wonderland and Oz won't suffice her for long. She'll seek to take her enemies with her," Zeus responded.

"And why would I care about this curse or want to go to a place without magic?" Frollo questioned.

"Yes, I suppose that is offensive to your monster-half, but to your human side, this land would be very appealing. It may not have magic, but it is a land where science dominates," Zeus continued.

"Interesting...but what do I gain with a curse?" he questioned.

"Because the curse is whatever who casts it wants it to be. You could control the lives of everyone, in a land where they would have no memories. You could make your enemies miserable, reward your allies...and have whomever you want in your bed," Deimos tempted.

"Yes...no Bishop or church to scold you for wanting the pleasures of the flesh; something any man wants," Zeus purported.

"You would rule...with our assistance, of course. You could be a Judge again and punish your enemies. Your enemies in chains...and your allies in power," Deimos added.

"And how do I get this curse from Queen Regina?" Frollo questioned.

"You let her cast it and then you crash in and take it over at the last minute," Zeus said. Frollo paced in the chamber and looked into the Cauldron, as it became his viewing pool. He observed a grand celebration at Midas' Palace, with Snow White on the arm of her shepherd husband, celebrating their victory. Hades and Persephone were there too, drinking to their victory and doting on their precious, golden little family. He seethed at that. It was preposterous that that demon family was now in power when it should be him and King Arawn.

"Or better yet...you make a deal with Queen Regina. She doesn't look entirely happy about all this happiness and bliss," Deimos observed.

"Hmm...an alliance with Regina could be beneficial, especially with the kind of misery I could promise everyone," Frollo stated, as he watched her converse with the Dark One.

"Rumpelstiltskin is a problem though. As long as he is pulling her strings, the curse will eventually be broken," Zeus advised.

"The Dark One wants it cast, but also wants it broken?" Frollo inquired.

"Yes...he has built in a fail safe to the curse. Snow White and Prince Charming's true love. They will birth the Savior that will break the curse and right now, that Savior is already in the womb of Snow White," Zeus confirmed, as they watched Prince David put his hand on his wife's abdomen, his face lit with a beaming smile.

"The child will have magic?" Frollo asked.

"Yes...she will be born with an abundance of light magic and save her parents, as well as their people. Athena has foretold it," Zeus responded.

"But Athena did not count on me or my interference," Frollo countered.

"Tell me everything about this curse" he requested.

~*~

The ball at Midas' castle was perhaps the grandest that any of them had seen in many years. In her childhood, Snow didn't care for them as her father's court was always very unkind to her. But to attend one with the man she loved was an exciting event. She wore a beautiful sleeveless orchid gown and David was dressed in a grayish/silver ensemble with a white sash. Snow gazed at him dreamily, as they danced closely. Probably too closely than was proper at a formal ball, even for a married couple, but neither of them cared, nor was anyone going to tell the daughter and son-in-law of Persephone that they were being "too affectionate,"

"What are you thinking?" he whispered, as they swayed with her flush against him.

"About how happy I am...these last few months of peace. I could get used to it...no more fighting...and a family," she said, as she bit her bottom lip and searched his eyes. His soft smile became a wide grin.

"A family...oh Snow, I can't wait to have babies with you," he replied.

"So...if I told you that you won't have to wait very long...you'd be happy?" she asked. His eyes widened and he looked at her still flat stomach.

"Snow...are you?" he asked and she nodded tearfully. He hugged her tightly and kissed her passionately.

"Oh Snow…" he breathed, as he pressed his forehead against hers. They continued to sway together for quite some time and barely noticed the man that cautiously approached them. When Snow did notice him, she recognized him as the Duke that was formerly a part of her father's court; a man that she and David had quickly ousted with the rest of the old court.

"Your Majesty...I know that I have acted foolishly in the past, but I am hoping that all that can be set aside. I am ready to serve you and your husband," he said. But Snow bristled at this man's clear attempt to manipulate her.

"I watched you belittle and berate my father for years. I watched you undermine him for years. I heard you call me demon spawn, bastard, and mongrel for years. You ordered my execution on the spot without bothering to search for the truth," Snow snapped.

"You can continue to live in my Kingdom and consider that a true act of kindness that you do not deserve. But you will never be a part of my court," Snow refuted, as he slunk away.

"He had nerve," David commented.

"He did...but I'm not going to let him ruin this night for us," she replied. He smiled.

"No one, least of all him, could do that," he agreed, as he kissed her again.

As their lips parted, they saw that Midas was bringing the room to attention and the music was quieted, as he addressed the room.

"I wanted to take a moment and thank everyone for coming to this celebration. It has only been a few months since this Kingdom and many others were liberated," he began.

"King Arawn not only took my Kingdom from me, but also my magic. My people lived in fear and there was nothing I could do to help them," he continued.

"Then we were all liberated by Snow White, daughter of the Goddess Persephone, and her army. Goddess, you were gracious enough to remove the manacles that restricted my powers and for that, I am forever in the debt of you and your lovely daughter," he added. Snow suppressed the urge to roll her eyes, as Midas pandered to her and her mother. They were getting a lot of that lately and she knew some were doing it simply because it was her mother that held power now.

"To honor you for our liberation, Goddess, we have erected a monument in your honor," Midas said, as a sheet was pulled and an ivory statue in her mother's likeness was revealed.

"And now with my touch, I emblazon this monument in gold," he announced, as some still awwed when Midas displayed the use of his power. Snow winced, as her mother seemed mortified. Many of the Gods liked it when mortals made monuments to them, but her mother was not one of them. Hades chuckled.

"It's an inspiring likeness," he teased.

"You be quiet...this is not funny," she scolded, as he put his arms around her.

"Oh but it is," he disagreed and she gave him a look and then stepped forward.

"Thank you King Midas...though I think this is a bit much, I appreciate your gesture of gratitude," she said neutrally. Honestly, this was the part of ruling she would never care for. The politics and pandering.

"Nothing is too much for the one that has saved us all and that is why I did not forget to honor your lovely daughter," he continued.

"Now I'm her lovely daughter...I used to be a demon spawn," Snow deadpanned quietly to her husband.

"He used to be best pals with my father, so don't trust him for a second," James advised, as he stood close by. Midas had done his best in the last few months to distance himself from George, especially after James took the Throne. His father was still around, but James had basically stripped him of his power and he was all but a figurehead now, much to his chagrin.

"We honor Snow White and her Prince for saving us all from King Arawn!" Midas announced.

"Didn't he call me the prince of peasants a few months ago?" David whispered to her.

"Mmmhmm...he did. I'm surprised his nose isn't turning brown," she whispered back.

"I offer this tribute to you both for freeing us all from tyranny," Midas continued.

"He means he offers this as thanks that he got his gold touch back," Lancelot joked, as a sheet was pulled and another ivory statue was revealed.

"Oh...he made one of us too," Snow said nervously to her husband.

"This is the part where we have to be nice, isn't it?" David asked.

"It is," she replied.

"I definitely prefer doing the fighting versus the talking," he said.

"Thank you King Midas...it's wonderful," she said, hoping that quickly accepting his gift would get him to move on.

"Oh, but I haven't emblazoned it in gold yet," Midas replied, as he prepared to touch it.

"Oh no...I think it is better this way," Snow protested. Midas seemed perplexed by that.

"But it's not gold," he said.

"He really takes the whole gold thing to extreme, doesn't he?" David whispered to her and she elbowed him in the ribs.

"Yes, Your Majesty, but ivory is a very valuable material in our Kingdom and quite rare. We graciously accept your gift," Snow said.

"Where are we going to put that?" David asked.

"In the garden, I suppose? We can plant snowdrops around it," she replied. He nodded and shrugged.

"It is better that it's not gold. Maybe it will grow on us," he agreed and she smiled, as she felt him kiss her hair.

"Maybe our babies will have fun climbing on it someday," he whispered and her smile widened, as she looked at him.

"Babies? Like plural?" she asked. He grinned at her.

"Yeah, plural...if that's something you'd like too," he replied. She kissed his cheek.

"It's something I will love," she agreed, as the ball resumed and he swept her into his arms again, resuming their dance.

~*~

Regina rolled her eyes, as Midas presented a statue in the likeness of Snow and her Prince to everyone. All the praise for Snow and none for her, despite the fact that she set their victory in motion. Regina may have been Queen now, but she couldn't help but resent the happiness of others, especially Snow. She had what Regina was supposed to have. True love. But that was gone now. She was Queen and she had revenge on her mother and sister. But it left her with an empty feeling.

Then there was the curse, her key to truly winning and ruling all. Persephone and Hades, nor the others were allowed to interfere, and in return, she had promised to give them all good lives. But she was starting to regret that part of the deal. Getting revenge on her mother and sister had only created a deep seeded hatred inside her that was blackening her soul. She found herself wanting revenge on everyone else, just for being happier than she was.

"They're sickening, aren't they?" James commented, referring to his brother and sister-in-law. Regina smirked.

"They are. If you didn't look exactly like him, I'd never know the two of you were even related," she offered, as she saw the two of them now celebrating again, as Hades, Eli, and Persephone seemed overjoyed and were hugging the pair.

"What's that about?" Regina wondered.

"Apparently...Snow is with child," James answered, surprising Regina, though she probably shouldn't have been shocked at all.

"Snow is pregnant?" she asked. James nodded.

"Yep...just when I think my brother already has everything, he gets more," he added. And then Regina realized exactly what she was missing. The room, though large and expansive, suddenly felt very claustrophobic and she started to search for an exit.

"Oh Regina...I just wanted to thank you again," Snow said, as she stopped the other woman.

"What? For making you eat a poisoned apple?" the Queen questioned. Snow chuckled.

"Actually yes, I guess...it was better than what awaited me at Frollo's hand," she replied.

"Hmm...yes I suppose it was," Regina mused, as she suddenly imagined Snow being terrorized by the monstrous being or running for her life through the woods, while her Black Knights chased her. Or being tied to a stake and then throwing a fireball at her. It was all very appealing and horrific and she wished she wasn't thinking such things. But she couldn't help it. Snow's happiness seemed to the bane of her existence and as she looked around, she realized everyone's happiness made her feel sick and empty.

"Are you okay?" Snow asked, noticing how troubled the other woman seemed.

"I'm fine!" Regina snapped, causing Snow to recoil a bit. And then Regina imagined what it would be like if Snow was the one that felt alone and empty. With the power of the curse, she could make that happen. She could rip her Charming away and the baby. She could rip them all apart and make them as miserable as she was. That would be truly winning, wouldn't it?

"I'm fine...excuse me," Regina said, as she stormed out, leaving them to wonder about her.

~*~

"Regina...Regina...slow down!" Henry pleaded, as he followed his angry daughter to her carriage.

"I need to see the Dark One," she announced, as she prepared to get into her carriage, until she heard a voice.

"Right here, dearie…" Rumpelstiltskin said, as he appeared.

"You…" she growled.

"Ooh...a bit unhappy, are we?" he teased.

"I got rid of my mother and sister...but it's not enough! My revenge is supposed to be complete with this curse, but even when I cast it, I'll still be the one unhappy!" she realized.

"The curse is whatever you want it to be. You can use it to destroy all the happy endings if you want," Rumple offered.

"Yes...until it's broken," Frollo interjected, as he appeared.

"This is none of your concern, Chernabog," Rumple hissed dangerously.

"Broken?" Regina questioned.

"Yes...he has not told you everything. He has built a fail safe into your curse and on the child's twenty-eighth birthday, she will come to break the curse," Frollo told her.

"What child?" Regina questioned, as she looked at her mentor. But Frollo answered.

"Snow White and Prince Charming's," he revealed.

"So what you're saying is that it will be Snow that ultimately destroys my happiness?" she asked, as she glared at the Dark One.

"You've just been using me," Regina hissed.

"Well, you made yourself ripe for the picking, dearie…" he retorted unkindly, as he glared at the former Judge. He was ruining everything he had worked three hundred years for.

"What's going on?" Snow asked, as she came out with her family and gasped when she saw Frollo.

"You…" Regina hissed, as she stalked toward her with a menacing stare. David unsheathed his sword and cut her off on her path to his wife, but she used her magic to sweep him out of the way and he hit a tree.

"Charming!" Snow cried out, as she tried to rush to him, but she was stopped by Regina.

"The Dark One didn't tell me that it was your baby that can break my curse...and I can't have that," she said.

"Regina...what do you think you're doing?" Persephone warned.

"You all got your happy endings...I helped you get them! Yet I'm left with nothing!" she seethed.

"The curse will give me everything...until it won't when this brat inside you spoils it all!" she raved.

"Regina please...you're not like this…" Snow pleaded.

"How would you know?! You're too wrapped up in your perfect little life to notice me," she snapped.

"If you cast the curse now...that brat will never be born and the curse will never break. You can make it eternal misery for all," Frollo offered, as he waved his hand and the Black Cauldron appeared before them, brimming with everything needed, except the final ingredient.

"Is that...the Black Cauldron?" Hades questioned.

"It is…" Frollo confirmed.

"Why does that matter?" Eli questioned, as he helped his son-in-law to his feet.

"It will make the curse ten times larger and worse than normal," Persephone answered.

"Larger?" David questioned.

"No lands will escape," Hades replied, as David ran to Snow and put his arms around her.

"Why are you doing this?!" he demanded to know.

"Because I'm tired of losing everything. I tried to be good and it got me nothing, so it's time to try something else," Regina answered.

"The Dark One failed to tell you about the final ingredient, I'm afraid," Frollo stated.

"What are you talking about?" the Queen snapped.

"The final thing the curse requires is the heart of the thing you love most," Frollo revealed. Regina frowned and then looked at her father. He was all she had left and the only person she loved.

"Daddy…" she uttered.

"Regina...this will not make you happy," he warned, as she approached him. A tear slipped down her cheek.

"I'm sorry Daddy...but I just want to be happy. This is the only way," she said and Snow screamed, as Regina's hand went into his chest.

~*~

Emma stood in the dreamscape, horrified at how things had gone so wrong in the blink of an eye.

"She's going to cast it before I'm born…" she realized, as she looked at her hands, which were starting to look transparent.

"Hurry Emma...she's made the decision quite easy now. You must reverse everything," Athena advised.

"How? Cause unless you have a pair of ruby slippers that will let me tap my heels together three times and chant, "there's no place like home," then I think we're screwed," the blonde said sarcastically. Athena smiled.

"No need for any of that. The answer is much more simplified," Athena answered, as she

put Henry's book in her hand and Emma saw the page in it, newly written, about how Zelena had used her to enact her spell.

"I'm one of the talismans...so I need to get the other talismans," Emma realized.

"But how can I do that from here?" she questioned. Athena smiled gently.

"Emma...you are the product of true love and much more than just a talisman. You have your mother's heart and your father's courage. And you may not have as much knowledge as Rumpelstiltskin or the Gods, but you have the knowledge of love and family," Athena advised.

"My parents...and Henry…" Emma realized, as she thought about growing up with them in the dreamscape and then her son finding her. And she realized that she wanted that life back and she knew her parents would too.

"I want our life back…" Emma declared, as light erupted from her and then it engulfed the entire land…

~*~

Circe and her followers marched through the quiet town that evening. Everyone was attending the ball that night and they intended to crash it. They may have stolen magic, but as far as she could tell, they had not released it back into the town. That meant they had a small window where taking over would be possible. They were all armed with high-tech plasma weapons and it was time for a reckoning. Little could they know, the reckoning was happening without them.

"Madam Circe...look!" Captain Channing said, as he pointed at Cronus palace and they watched the roof be torn off.

"What is that?" one of her other followers asked.

"Magic…" she growled, as they suddenly watched the entire palace disappear. Next, the clock tower disappeared, then Granny's, and everything on Main Street. The magic swept around them and when it was gone, there was nothing but woods around them, like there had never been a town there in the first place.

"What the hell just happened?" Channing asked. But even Circe had no answers. Storybrooke was gone, without a trace or explanation to offer. And with it, gone was her revenge, leaving her with nothing.

Strangely, just as quickly as the town had disappeared, it started to reappear again.

"What's happening now?" Channing asked, even more confused now, as they watched a bright cloud of magic sweep around them again. This time though, the clock tower reappeared, then Granny's, and everything on Main Street. The magic continued to rebuild the town with the Sheriff's station, the school, and the Toll bridge. Storybrooke was back.

"They're back," Circe observed, as Cronus' palace reappeared. It was as if they had never been gone, but she knew better. She had a feeling whatever had happened was going to have serious ramifications; to what extent, she did not know.

"Madam Circe...something is very different…" Channing called, as she saw what he was looking at. In her very long life, she had seen many things and not much surprised her anymore. But this did.

"By the Gods...what have they done?"

~*~

They all reappeared in the ballroom, including Zelena, and looked around in a bit of confusion.

"We're back…" Persephone realized, as she looked up at her husband and they stared at each other.

"Your ruined everything for me...all of you, but especially you, Regina!" Zelena cried, but Hades was quick and ripped her necklace, the source of her power, away.

"No!" she cried, as Rumple turned her into a porcelain statue and then shattered her to pieces, shocking them all.

"She's proved she's much too dangerous to be kept alive," he said simply and no one could really argue with that. Persephone and Hades' eyes met again.

"Do you…" she started to say.

"Remember both lives?" Hades asked, finishing her sentence.

"Yes…" he confessed.

"Me too," she said.

"Dad?" Emma called, as she parted from hugging her son and Neal. David smiled and pulled her into a tight hug.

"You saved us again, Emma," he said, as he cradled her head. A tear slipped down her cheek.

"I'm just sorry that you and Mom lost that other life. A lot of it was pretty good," she said.

"But I don't think we did…" David said, as he recalled both lives.

"I remember both lives," he added.

"Really?" Emma asked. He nodded.

"And that's not all that has changed, apparently," James said, as he stepped aside, revealing that both Ruth and Serafina had come back with them.

"You're...you're alive," David exclaimed, as they hugged their boys.

"That's not all that's different, because we have bigger problems," Regina interjected, as David noticed that Snow had been very quiet.

"Snow?" he asked, as she turned to him and his eyes widened. Her belly was swelled round with child and she was definitely much further along than she had been before Zelena's spell.

"How...how is this possible?" she asked, as David took her in his arms and Artemis put her hands to Snow's belly, just as she had a contraction.

"Okay...time to get to hospital. Your water could break any minute," Artemis replied.

"We messed with time...it must have had adverse consequences," Hades surmised, as he saw Cronus and many others staring out the window and he looked to see what they were looking at. And his eyes widened in disbelief.

"What the hell…" Eli uttered, as he saw what he was seeing.

"Daddy...Papa Hades...you're coming, right?" Snow asked.

"Of course sweet pea," Eli assured, as he came beside the wheelchair that Artemis had summoned for her.

"What were you looking at?" Persephone asked irritably.

"You have to see that for yourself, but there'll be time for that later. Let's get this grand baby born," Hades replied and then realized what he had just said. But Snow smiled gently at him and squeezed his hand.

"I remember both lives," she said, as she looked at Eli and Hades.

"I have three parents, just like David," she told them, just another contraction hit. It was clear they had a lot to discuss, but this family was clearly still retaining the bonds they had built during Zelena's spell. But her spell had also created perhaps even more complications and unseen side effects; that of which they were only beginning to discover. But first, their family was about to grow by one more member.

[morethanonepage]

thoughts on Keanu Reeves Constantine?

y’know this is an interesting question bc i actually have a lot of….if not affection for the movie, at least respect for some of the adaptation choices made. Like the most common line in re: film!Constantine is that it’s a good movie but it’s not a good Hellblazer movie and in a sense that’s right, it’s not – but it’s interesting. A noble failure, definitely.

What I think it hinges on is that it’s an American setting so they went full blown American with it – which is a mistake in my mind bc the point of Hellblazer is that it’s a quintessentially English story, and that’s why every run with an American writer in the comics is meh for me – but in the sense of “American AU Constantine” I think there were some really interesting/clever choices made.

Like starting with their John – Keanu is all wrong for original brand Constantine. His John is broody, he’s brunet, he’s Good At Magic. And comics!John is the opposite of all those things. And while comics!John can be broody, the important thing is the comics themselves tend to undercut that – there’s a lot of kind of snarky takes about John being in a sulk for whatever reason, some of it even from John himself. You get very little of that in the movie, and the movie itself is very TAKE THIS MAN’S PAIN SERIOUSLY about it, so. BUT in a sense that loner self flagellating thing is an American Male Archetype the way comic John has a very English & self deprecating sense of humor, so: ok, I can kinda see it, more as a translation (to American audiences) than an adaptation. 

[READ MORE BC OMG WHY DID I CARE SO MUCH???]

They make John Catholic in the movie, which is another kind of interesting choice – in the comics he’s not anything specifically though I would imagine he would’ve been raised Church of England as likely as anything else. But they kind of commit to John’s Catholicism in the movie, most likely because it has more ~mysticism~ (and the association with exorcism in general) behind it. But it also kind of sets John up as An Other, because it’s the religion of a lot of the second class immigrants (like, the Irish initially, then Latinx Americans, etc). White Catholics have a bit of a different rep, but given that the film is set in LA in the late 20th century, for me it set up more of those associations than anything else. It’s also so much more about the SUFFERING and the MARTYRDOM and the REDEMPTION NARRATIVE, which is not so much a thing in the comics (where John often does/tries to do good things but usually NOT for the explicit purpose of ~cleansing his soul~, so it’s kind of notable/interesting that both American-based adaptations [TV and Movie] focus on that a lot more. It’s may also make more sense as an arc for the medium but y’know) but IS notably a big thing in the movie. 

And the thing about John, even in the comics, is that he’s an Other but Normal Passing – with comics he presents in a very Proper English Man (which is why it’s SO IMPORTANT for me that he starts off on his adventures with his shirt properly done up and his tie right, and then as the day/his bullshit unfurls he gets sloppier) way, he’s white, he’s blond, he’s handsome etc, but he’s also a bisexual mess/working class disaster mage with a progressive bent, and in the movie he’s kind of a traditional American anti hero but also has his own stuff going on. It’s not as well executed as it could be – there’s not a lot of subversion in the film version, which is kind of the point of John – but at least you get hints of his potential sexuality and they go into his mental health issues (suicide attempt, etc) and his smoking, etc. 

So John is an interesting translation – not perfect, but interesting. I would even argue that he’s the weakest point in the movie as a translation-not-adaptation (tho lol baby bear Chas Kramer is up there), bc he’s very basic supernatural protagonist with no flourish. Which is not the case for the rest of the film, which COMMITS to the genre it is and does it honestly very well.

For instance I love their conception of Ravenscar, the mental hospital John has A Bad History with – in the comics it’s got an old, spooky, mad house aesthetic from the 19th century, which fits the comics and John’s history and vibe really well. The movie version goes what I feel is a very modern American direction with it: one of the 20th century industrial monsters, a huge grey building, with the fear of mental health coming from that very specific post-war fear of anything ABNORMAL (including sexuality but y’know). 

The setting of LA is great – a couple of (American) comic writers have given John’s arcs there, probably for the irony of CITY OF ANGELS etc, but I think it’s a really interesting choice/contrast to everything London (where John’s mostly based in comics, tho he does sometimes roam the countryside fucking things up) represents: superficial, modern, bright days, beauty, opulence vs the grey gritty grunginess of John’s London life, etc. So for that to be movie!John’s homebase is kinda neat, frankly, esp because of the cases John gets to work on there. The set design is also great – very colorful, very willing to pull in the florescent glare of a modern city, with the Latinx Catholic touches on the streets (look the votive candles and shrines are SUCH an easy go to for ~creepy urban flavor~ and it’s probably at least a little problematic for this film featuring some other really questionable racial choices I will get to later, but) in general it LOOKS great. Their conception of hell is also fascinating and very well executed imo. 

I also think there’s ONE (1) thing I think the movie does better than the tv show: the setting is WAY more dug into the working class/legit poverty of LA behind the shiny surface Hollywood stuff. The show really only hit that point in the New Orleans ep and even then….didn’t fully commit to it, but it’s SUCH a key part of the comic universe. Like Chas himself (in the show) is pitch perfect but in the ep about his family they’re LIVING IN A BROOKLYN BROWNSTONE which, real talk, is worth millions of dollars. Literally millions. On a cab driver’s salary???? Ridic. Still mad about it w/e w/e. Baby Bear Chas Kramer with his shitty cab and probably shitty apartment, following John around like a stunned duckling, is way more comics canon accurate, probably. 

Rachel Weiz’s character has a lot of potential – they make her Catholic too, to have some sort of connection with John, which is eh, and they also make her a twin, whose sister kills herself at Ravenscar. Given how much John’s early backstory issue are focused around HIM being a twin (whose birth killed both his mother and his (theoretically stronger) brother) that could’ve been a cool thing to allude to, but they don’t touch on it. And Angela (ANOTHER ANGEL THING) is p cool as a character – she’s unconvinced about the ~spooky shit~ stuff until she sees evidence of it, and then believes it, as a normal average human likely would. She’s brave, she asks questions, etc. She’s not just Love Interest tho there’s a bit of that. And anyway I love Rachel Weiz generally, she’s great, could’ve had more to do though.

Tilda Swinton shows up a lot in the gifs and it was a cool choice to cast her as Gabriel – they play up the androgyny and make her less obvious of a dick than comics Gabriel is (though she ends up being…probably more of one, or at least more effective). I think their Lucifer is good too – oily and weird and creepily gentle at times. He also doesn’t get a lot to do, but he doesn’t need to – he doesn’t in the comics, usually, either. 

BUT the racial stuff – the supernatural macguffin that’s supposed to bring about the end of the world is found IN A MEXICAN DESERT and then SMUGGLED OVER THE BORDER to LA to bring about the end of the world, like, who wrote this, Donald J. Trump?? – is generally #bad. But this is something it shares with the show (GOD THOSE MEXICO EPS, I LEGIT ALMOST QUIT THE SHOW BC OF IT), tho at least they had an actual Mexican actress to temper that nonsense. NO SUCH LUCK from the movie – just lots of creepy zombish brown people trying to bring around an apocalypse, super cool.

And not only is meh as a metaphor, to impute such a conservative metaphor into a the Hellblazer Verse, with its infamous/classic DEMON YUPPIES FROM HELL and in general tips toward the progressive/pro immigrant ethos, is BAFFLING to me. I mean maybe more in tune with American sentiments about everything, which I have argued above is an interesting choice, but still, boooo.

Also the fact that John quits smoking at the end of the movie is such Hollywood garbage it almost outweighs the positives. I mostly imagine he and Angela date for like a month, he’s such a bitch when going through withdrawal that she dumps his ass, and then he goes back to smoking/sulking around LA doing bad exorcisms. That’s the real John Constantine, babey!!!

[anyway-heres-enderal]

i couldnt shut up about enderal right now if i wanted to so here’s that prophet ask meme with my prophetess fleur

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1. The basics – name, age, etc…

her name is fleur! i don’t know her last name but that’s okay because she’s kind of abandoned it. both of my vyn protags have line-of-sight, musically-inspired names so after that fuckin nightmare intro scene i had to name her as an homage to the song that was playing in my head the entire time it was happening (warning: disturbing imagery, abuse of some sort that is not shown but is strongly implied)

she’s 26 years old, half-kilean and bisexual.

2. Describe their appearance.

there’s a picture up there but a few other specifics: her hair is actually white, not just very light blonde, and she has blue eyes

3. How do they like to dress?

she jumps at the chance to wear nice clothes. she never got to back in ostian.

4. Do they have any markings (scars, tattoos, birthmarks)?

she has a few scars from a couple scuffles she got into back in nehrim. one of then is pretty gnarly-looking but it’s a diagonal from her lower chest to her left hip so once the events of enderal started rolling nobody who had seen it was still alive. word to the wise: don’t try to 1v1 a thunder lizard when you’re 14.

5. What are they like? Describe their personality (use whatever tools you like- MBTI, D&D alignment, astrological signs, Hogwarts house, words/phrases):

first of all, the only one of those tools that i have even a remotely decent grasp on is d&d alignment. she’s neutral-bordering-on-chaotic good. i don’t make characters with messages behind them (esp if they’re not for anyone’s consumption but mine) but hers would be “optimism with a dose of realism is probably the healthiest way to see the world”--she has the good sense to know when a situation or a person is beyond help but until that point she will try everything to help them. she desperately wanted to be wrong about adila and even as he was preparing his kamikaze attack she tried so hard to talk yuslan down.

to temper this, though, she takes things too seriously and she’s a bit of a crybaby (ok, not just a bit. alessia, my shadowgod, cried three times over the course of the entire main quest. fleur cried three times over the course of the very first quest that didn’t take place inside a trauma nightmare), although you could argue that she just has like. a normal human reaction to trauma, and everything that happens to her in enderal is EXTREMELY FUCKING TRAUMATIC.

since i have an easier time using tools like the ones described in the question to describe personalities, if she was a disney character she’d be rapunzel from tangled but less naive and with meaningful agency and if she was a social link/confidant in a persona game her card would be the star.

6. How would they describe themselves?

she has really low self-esteem but she doesn’t like. outright hate herself so she’s dismissive of any notion that she’s special or pretty. this probably sounds extremely sue-ish but a) i don’t give a fuck and b) every diy protagonist is at least kind of a mary sue simply because they’re the big special chosen one who all the romanceable companions have feelings for.

7. Education level?

uh. Not Any, Formally Speaking. School Of Hard Knocks. Worked For A Historian In Her Late Teens-Early Twenties And Learned Most Of What She Knows That Isn’t On The School Of Hard Knocks Curriculum That Way.

8. What are they proud of in themselves? What are they embarrassed about?

like the one notable talent that she’ll accept having is that she’s really smart and even before the Everything That Happened On The Ship Headed To Enderal she was a really quick learner.

she has ZERO prior experience with romance (she’s not in any way aromantic, she’s just never been in a romantic relationship) and she doesn’t like to tell people that, especially people she likes. she feels like they’ll think there’s something seriously wrong with her and that’s why she’s never been in a romantic relationship at age 26. 9. Do they know any languages other than Inal?

she knows like. kindergarten-level kilean.

10. What, if any, aspects of their mother’s culture influenced them growing up?

she didn’t really “grow up” with her parents, they died when she was six, but she has a strong belief in the importance of diplomacy and that’s pure Mom right there.

11. Name a song (or a few) that remind you of them.

i hope you like obscure musicals and vocaloid because that’s what you’re getting

In All My Dreams I Drown - The Devil’s Carnival Cast

Starchild - Ghost Quartet

Tears To Shed - Corpse Bride

Ever Lasting Night - Hitoshizuku-P (specifically the Miku character)

Lemonade - Sophie (sorry 4 mood whiplash)

12. Speaking of songs, can they sing? What is their voice like? How about instruments?

she’s hopeless with instruments but she’s not a bad singer by any means. sorry 4 relentless youtube links but she kind of sounds like Gelsey Bell

13. What was their life like before coming to Enderal?

it wasn’t good, i’m not going to lie. she and sirius spent a pretty decent amount of time roughing it because towns and cities kind of got progressively more dangerous as time went on, and Because Of Reasons I Won’t Go Into Here they both had pretty good reasons to avoid anyone affiliated with the temple of the creator

14. How did they decide to leave Nehrim?

it was too fuckin dangerous to try to make a life there anymore

15. Describe their relationship with Sirius.

they were siblings in all senses but blood. he got her out of a pretty bad situation when they were kids and she just stuck with him until they had been through so much together there was no other way for them to describe their relationship than “family”

16. Who do they blame for what happened to their family?

herself. survivor’s guilt is a hell of a drug and it doesn’t help that things only got worse afterward. she like. knows the temple did it, but since she doesn’t know why she’ll always wonder if there was something she could have done to stop it.

17. Apart from stowing away, have they ever broken the law?

she would be considered an accomplice to murder because she helped hide a body once (don’t worry, the victim without question deserved it)

18. How honest are they? Under what circumstances would they lie?

basically the only person she directly lies to is herself; if she’s dishonest, it’s usually by omission. the rare occasions she does outright lie it’s usually to protect someone or because there’s no way anyone would believe the truth.

19. Worst memory(s)? Best memory(s)?

Too Heavy For This Post and uhhhh. getting to spend time with her two BFFs/crushes on the Gertrude before everything started really going to shit was an extremely good memory for her.

20. Fight, or flight?

fight unless they’re like. demonstrably stronger. running away from an enemy she had a chance of defeating has always just come back to bite her. she wanted to fight the steel bird in the star city.

21. Describe their combat style.

Best Defense Is A Good Offense, Also Axes = Good. (original playthrough was greataxes and heavy armor but i’ll probably switch to war axes and light armor [or unarmored if i can swing it] when the steam release drops because apparently half-kileans are equivalent to bretons in normal skyrim terms and i can’t abide having played a heavy armor + two-handed breton twice)

22. Have they ever killed before? What is their reaction to combat?

she’s hunted animals but she’d never done more to a human than injure them enough to scare them off prior to enderal. she tries to only harm people in self-defense and may have cried a little bit (ok, quite a bit) after she had to kill firespark.

23. How do they react to having magical abilities? Do they use them?

magic makes her head feel “gross” somehow (read: she’s uniquely sensitive to arcane fever) so she doesn’t use it

24. What do they think of Enderal?

the scenery’s beautiful but the fact that it’s a theocracy and the notion of being stuck on a certain “path” depending on the circumstances of your birth freaks her out for reasons of “hey remember the oppressive religious regime that was responsible for all of your childhood trauma and continued to make your life hell before a mysterious trans power couple plus their direct superior group of outsiders instigated a rebellion that brought the whole thing down? now it controls the whole continent and everyone thinks it’s Good, Actually”

25. Did they do the Biggest Egg Hunt Ever quest?

she would have if my dumb ass hadn’t completely fuckin spaced it out and forgotten about it until it was too late. next playthrough, i swear.

26. How do they feel about joining the Order? What do they think of Arantheal?

she was not in favor of it (see: opinion of theocracies) and basically clung to the green shirts until she was inducted as a keeper. arantheal makes her uneasy but the threat of looming armageddon does a lot to help her shove that uneasiness to the side.

27. What is their opinion of the gods (or lack thereof)?

she’s not inherently against the gods but she doesn’t like organized religion

28. Wine, or pipe?

wine!

29. Do they spare or arrest Hallys, the farmer-turned-bandit in the quest, Deus Ex Machina? Why?

she arrested him after she found out where the money really came from. if it hadn’t been Stolen From A Fucking Food Bank she probably would have let him go.

30. What are their feelings and opinions about the Undercity?

uh...she hates that ark has a “slum district out of sight of the Good And Honorable Rich People” because having been poor and homeless basically until she came to enderal she can’t help but empathize with the residents of the undercity.

31. How do they react to the beggars of Ark?

if tumblr doesn’t stop refreshing the page and deleting my answers every time i switch tabs to look at the wiki or change the song i’m listening to i’m going to throw my laptop off the porch.

she usually reacts by sparing some change because she can relate

32. Where and how do they spend their time when in Ark?

she really likes the museum in the south quarter. she likes learning stuff and looking at relics of the past.

33. What would they do with three wishes?

just...stop the fuckin cycle

make the black stones inert so nobody else gets hurt because of them

this is basically deliberate repression so it’s 100% unhealthy but she would gladly wish to forget everything that happened before she was seven if it would put an end to the nightmares

34. How do they feel about death? Do they fear it?

uh. yes. she very bigly fears death. she kind of had a complete breakdown after the keeper exam until calia reassured her that just because she heard something during her harrowing doesn’t mean it’s true.

35. What (else) do they fear?

deep water (predates game events). also i dont know if it’s necessarily a fear but she hates being surprised.

36. Do they have any secrets?

uh. Yeah. her dad really was as bad as the dreams show. a few other things.

37. How is their behavior around people they like? People they dislike?

she’s about as friendly and affectionate as her shyness will allow with people she likes. it takes a LOT for her to be actively hostile but she’ll only attempt like. the barest superficial politeness to people she dislikes. 38. What is their relationship with the companions? Who, if anyone, did your prophet romance?

they’re her very good friends who she is also crushing on hard. yeah, both of em. she ended up with jespar kind of by default because i wasn’t making an effort to specifically target either of them but i kind of like the contrast between them so i’m gonna leave that in the Canon Playthrough Bin.

39. Was there any non-companion character that they were close to? That they particularly disliked?

does ryneus count? she would have taken him back to the sun temple and had the few green shirts left alive help her build some method of locomotion for him if she could have. also she had a crush on lishari. she didn’t have anyone she strongly disliked other than obvious shitbirds like taranor.

40. How do they feel about myrads?

she thinks they’re Big Cute Dog Monster Boys

41. What dreams or ambitions did they have before coming to Enderal? What about afterwards?

she wanted to be an archaeologist! she kind of got to do archaeologist stuff during her time in enderal but she wishes that she’d been able to do it without an apocalyptic sword of damocles hanging over her

42. Do they like cities? Or do they prefer the country? Is there a region of Enderal that they like or dislike more than the others?

she doesn’t necessarily dislike city life because she often gets lonely so living somewhere with a big population is always a tempting thought, but if she could take everyone she loves and go live somewhere peaceful where there’s no oppressive government or looming apocalypse she would.

her ideal Cottage Away From All The Bad Things would be in the goldenforst but she loves the crystal forest even though if she gets too close to the crystals it makes her feel like her brain is trying to vibrate out of her skull.

43. What do they do to lower their considerable stress?

go on walks in one of the numerous beautiful locations in enderal. take apart inactive mechanical constructs and try to understand their inner workings from their guts. press flowers.

44. Describe their perfect day off.

wake up from a nightmare-free sleep (you said “perfect”), go on a nice walk around the city (paying a visit to the museum of course!), meet up with her friends and find something fun to do that won’t put them in mortal danger, get drunk at the dancing nomad when it gets too dark for wandering around outside the city to be a good idea, and then watch the stars.

45. List three of their favorite things. Three things they hate?

likes:

sugar bread

the color gold

nice scenery

dislikes:

cooked cabbage

mead

bugs

46. What’s in their pockets?

emergency healing potion

herbs for making another emergency healing potion

at least one apple

random flowers that look cool

a ton of those vendor trash crystal coins you find in pyrean ruins. she just thinks they’re neat!

47. Pets? Mounts? Treasured possessions?

she’s never really had a lot she could hold on to and the thought of prizing a short-lived animal or an item that’s easy to lose is frightening.

48. How are their cooking skills?

NOT FUCKIN GOOD

(she can cook meat alright but anything more complex than that? no)

49. Do you consider any particular quest or side quest to be definitive for your prophet? Which one(s) and why?

i bulldozed through the main quest on my first playthrough; i’ll probably be able to answer this question better once the steam release drops and i can replay the game.

50. How forgiving are they? For example, if they were yelled at in a brothel after searching high and low for this little sh*t, how would they react?

first of all, everyone has a different reaction to traumatic experiences and sometimes that reaction isn’t “palatably sad and helpless” so jot that down. that being said, fleur was extremely upset about that because a) she’s also not an “uwu soft helpless cinnamon roll” kind of trauma survivor, b) some of what he said was generally hurtful, and c) that entire mission had already been one big long anxiety attack

but she’s too hyperempathetic to hold a grudge, especially when a) she knows where the person who hurt her was coming from, b) she gets a sincere apology, and c) she is more than a little in love with the person doing the apologizing.

51. What do they think of the Veiled Woman?

uh. mixed feelings. for what it’s worth, her feelings are mixed because they started out negative and then once she actually got to talk to the veiled woman her opinion strongly improved but like...sirius still died right in front of her because of this woman’s actions so they’ll never be fully positive.

52. If they had been a victim of one of the black stones, how would it have affected them? What would they have used its power to accomplish?

[slams huge portfolio of ideas i’ve had about this exact scenario on your desk] well y’see fleur as she is in canon is a brand of yandere that only technically qualifies as such: she won’t kidnap or murder people who reject her advances, but...uh...don’t harm her loved ones and expect mercy.

fleur under the influence of the black stones...well. it’d be very much like this except not Literally Directed Toward A Fucking Relative. esp the “well you found out now all i can hope for from you is to see your face one last time as you kill me” ending. not quite full yuno gasai love-me-or-i’ll-slaughter-you giggling while hacking someone up but. you know. Something Adjacent.

53. What was their reaction to the Black Guardian’s revelations? Do they accept or reject his offer?

she just kind of emotionally shut down. it was a lot to take in, esp for her. she took him up on his offer because by that point she was desperate for everything she’d gone through to mean something.

54. How does their story end?

credits rolled on her sitting on the edge of the star city with jespar. while the credits rolled i was staring into the void thinking about my life. not sure if that’s canon, next playthrough i’m gonna do a hard save before the final decision point and see if catharsis leaves me feeling less empty inside.

55. Do they change over the course of the story? In what ways?

she becomes a lot more confident and sure of herself and even though she never stops being an optimist she learns to stop setting herself on fire to keep others warm.

56. Anything else you’d like to share about them?

she’s so cautiously positive because she was written as a foil to my shadowgod alessia, a textbook nihilist who only got worse after the events of nehrim.

57. Bonus: For you- what are you most excited for in Forgotten Stories?

VEILED WOMAN BACKSTORY

[messykarma]

m.

Prostitute

You make me sick

I don’t hate your friends, I hate you

Attention seeking

Pathetic

Motormouth

Shameful

Everything that comes from you is wrong

Chatterbox

Disappointment

Crocodile tears (i.e. fake tears because I’m not allowed/have no right to be sad)

Bitchy/bitch

Parasite

Devil

Useless (bugger)

Stupid

Idiot

I’m going to kill you. I would rather sit in a jail cell

All you want to do is fuck boys

Did you have sex with [boy’s name]

Why aren’t you happy, you have no right not to be

Stop ‘showing your face’

Attitude problems

Embarrassment

Dumb

Just like your [biological] mother/like mother, like daughter [as in I’m going to get pregnant at 17 and shit like that]

Having you was a mistake (I.e. shouldn’t have adopted me)

Why are you always thinking about boys? [not allowed to make mistakes/forget]

Stop crying, I haven’t even hit you yet

If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about

Wait until we go home, you want to show your attitude in public? Fine

Me: “can I go to a party?” Mum: “why do you want to go. The answer is no. Are you pregnant?!”

Wearing your hair down? Attention seeker, think it’ll attract boys? I’ll cut it off [pair of scissors in hands, holding hair up]

You’re never happy, fine *threat* [showing an emotion other than happiness/not talking all the time]

“all you want to do is party, party party, party girl. All the high achievers aren’t party girls” [only asked to go to 3 parties, was allowed 1 this year]

I can’t wait until you’re out of this house. You were always so eager to get out of here. I’ll be free [you want to live with Aunt? Fine, go]

*general baseless assumptions followed by a threat or insult*

Why is your head always in the clouds. Something is wrong, are you watching porn? Is there a boy in your life? Wait until I find out, you better stop whatever it is

“All you want to do is havoc” (wanting to hang out with my friends - esp bc I’m leaving)

Throws a lot of shit at me. Anything in her hands.

Not good enough

All your spare time should be spent revising, every second.

Me: *cries because of something that hurt my feelings*

Her: *screams more and louder* “crocodile tears” “this is why your father and I are fed up with you, we can’t even talk to you without you shedding crocodile tears”

I’ll ‘piak’ (hit/cane) you

*You’re not welcome to come back home

You have no parents

[Money leech]

Only care about yourself*

- after saying no to lunch with them in favour of my friends that I don’t live with

I wouldn’t care about what you do if you got 100%, but you don’t

Why not 100%? [should be on the same level as the highest student.. same teacher]

*generally disregards all and any feelings or actions etc. that isn’t applicable or never happened to her* [her truths must be the truth]

I will kill you (after taking her knife momentarily to cut some cheese she asked me to grate for her - however she needed to use it for the pastry and it had ripped a little)

I will use this knife (bc of above)

I don’t care if I go to jail (one that came up with use recently but this one she used to say all the time when she would hit me when I was younger - I used to think she was going to kill me and I literally [even now] panic and have trouble breathing)

*the moment she realises I took the knife*: you BITCH Wait until Y12 is over you move out

Why do you always want to see [friend who is a girl], are you lesbian? If you are, get out. Go to [her] house, see if her family even wants you

(I don’t go to the same school as her and we almost never see each other)

All you want to do is lie down and read, go and be a prostitute. What has reading ever helped you with?

At the end of this year you can go find your [biological] mother. I know you treat me this poorly bc I am not your real mother

What has made you hate me and this family so much

No one will want you if you can’t cook/aren’t smart etc [many things that blend into a single feeling that drives a negative feeling already there]

You think because you’re adopted you can do whatever you want? ... I can do whatever I want [to you]

“go to [friend’s name]’s house, get lost. Marry her dad isn’t that what you want? GET OUT”

*constantly accuses me of being pregnant* (funny how I’ve never even touched a boy or had a boy be interested in me at the same time I’ve been interested in them huh) and I never pop out a baby oh well

I’ve been looking for your mother, you can go live with her [if you hate being here so much]

The other day she got mad I went into my room and didn’t help after dinner and yelled at me all the way into the kitchen. Then just before we got there she got so mad she used her dish cloth in her hands and whipped it repeatedly at my face and body. The first one got me in the throat and wrapped around it and I choked and couldn’t breathe for a couple secs. Then she got me in my left eye and repeat hits on my body.

All you do is chat chat chat and play games (as in I should abide by her no contact with friends [but it’s ok if she asks to ask them something and gets angry when I don’t know something about them that she wants to know...]

You know [the article is right] the results are not accurate, your school does so well but for what? [you are doing poorly] there are those bad ones that drag the school down [referring to me] (Context: I go to a 100% academically selective high school that is top of my state and one of the top of Australia) --> this one my mind is able to be logical about despite how hurt I still am at it... if everyone in a school gets 90-100 and there are a couple that get 80, relative to the rest of the state etc. the ones who get 80 aren’t bad, however also because everything’s relative they’re ‘doing the worst’ etc.

Used to constantly say that I belonged in a ‘lesser’ school because I’m not achieving high enough [as in I don’t belong at my prestigious school] (mad regrets for actually getting and striving for straight As when I was younger...)

Used to rant about me not getting a job etc. even though I wanted one and as soon as I get one she finds more things (some job related) to get mad at me for etc.

[After ball - the equivalent of senior prom - obviously, I danced at ball] “all you want to do is party, all you [can] do is dance dance dance. You want to be an escort? Mark my words you will never succeed. Fine be an escort just don’t tell me”

People make mistakes. You are the biggest mistake.

Me: “Mum my friend’s mum said I was pretty”

Mum: *laughs hysterically*

Me: “Mum my friend today said my ears were nice”

Mum: “What? Why would she say that... probably to cover something up. How are your ears nice when they look like ‘this’.” *does a weird gesture with her ears*

Why do I still let myself get affected? Why can’t I be like my brother who seems to ignore her plus he gets hit less? Idk... possibly bc I still respect her despite her thinking I have no respect for her... just a hypothesis. Do I owe her everything for taking me out of a 3rd world country... am I ungrateful? I deserve this...?

Talked to my dad and he says that he and my eldest brother had it worse etc. so basically he said: your quality of life is better and if we didn’t hit you, you would’ve become a drug user so you shouldn’t be unhappy and should be grateful. (Funny how the very thing I should be grateful for is what pointed me in the direction of them...) 

My sister in law literally told me that her fam hit her too but she’s never seen anything like what she saw happening to me lol. She remembers an incident where apparently mum was going real hard and beating me, she said my mum’s a little [crazy]. Don’t really remember that since all the incidents kinda blurr together.

And then rarely, after, (at night) she’ll come into my room with a soft voice and be like “we just want you to do well” etc. and then I’ll feel so fucking confused and guilty for ever talking shit about her or for any negative thought I’ve had about any of the shit that happened to me. I mean, do I deserve it? I did kinda cause all of it...

It’s scary sometimes to interact with her bc you never know when she’ll snap. It’s terrifying when she has this certain look on her face - the one where you know you’ll be hurt.

I hate how she always tells and yells at me to go back to my birth mother. A cruel reminder she doesn’t want me anymore and no one does - that I’m not really apart of this family.

I really wish they would be happy and proud because of me but even if that would magically happen (already a legal adult) I’m so fucked it up I would never know how to react or process it.

Bonus:

*complains that I don’t have a job*

*complains when I do have a job*

(Odd jobs is fine yet forced me to back out of an anniversary server odd job)

*complains that I don’t read enough*

*complains that all I do is read ‘stupid books’*

[flyingcookierambles]

forgot if i already talked about it but i guess i honestly didnt like wolf children/boy and the beast that much lol and i think i finally figured out why

ok so ill have my original post and short convo i had with this one guy and then write about my feelings after those two that provide some context.

ok real quick so wolf children and the boy and the beast are both from award winning anime director mamoru hosoda!

wolf children has a single mother with 2 kids who are werewolves/shifters since they can change whenever they want. she’s a widow because her husband was walking around the city in wolf form, scared ppl, and got killed by animal control in tokyo. she and her kids move out to the rural boonies on a small homestead where she farms and stuff so that her kids can have space to be their wolf forms and run around without fear.

the boy and the beast has a human child fall into the hidden magical parallel furry world and get raised by this beast/bear furry? i...forget what his adoptive dad’s species is lol, sorry its been a long time since ive seen the movie.

spoilers for the ending but. here.

wolf children - yuki, the daughter, decides to stay in the human world with her mom and go to high school. ame, the son, decides to live his life as a furry/wolf boy protecting the forests.

boy and the beast - adoptive father sacrifices himself for protag, fuses spirits/hearts/whatever with protag so that they’re not really separated even in death, then the protag and dad defeat the antagonist and the protag decides to stay in the human world with his human girlfriend.

soooo. yeah. the movie ends with the families splitting up and the two cultures of mundane humans and magical creatures separating forever.

(og post) original post from my kitsu:

“ok, so like after watching wolf children tonight, im left with a bunch of questions and, idk maybe i dont understand the ending, but like. what. i also have a copy of the boy and the beast and watched it a while go. and like. i feel like, out of his two movies, they were overall very good. however, the endings always leave me with a ton of questions and mixed feelings? is mamoru hosoda just going to be “that guy” for me? you know, “that guy.” like, he’s an ok dude but you have mixed feelings about him? is it still worth watching his other movies, the girl who leapt through time and summer wars, at this rate? idk???? edit: …. i realized i also borrowed mirai from the library, am i going to watch the whole thing and then be like. what.“

response to this one guy, pseudonym:

I didn’t like wolf children and while I overall enjoyed the boy and the beast I did feel it was lacking something. Give summer wars a go though as in my opinion it’s easily his best film, that said I haven’t seen Mirai.

my responses:

“ that’s interesting. hmm im trying to figure out what i didn’t like about his endings for these two movies and i think it might be the whole separation thing? but the weird thing was that i didn’t mind the family separation thing in maquia, another family drama oriented anime? so idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ????? what about you?”

pseudomym:

“I haven’t seen Maquia. It’s been a while since I watched either film but I just remember Boy and the beast feeling generally a little uninspired and wolf children feeling hollow having nothing going on but cuteness and idealization of the mother character that I couldn’t get behind. It also fell into the annoying and well worn trap of insisting the daughter come to terms with her wolf side as necesary but the boy’s arc is to go reject his humanity and abandon his family to live in the woods as a young teen and the mother learning to accept his really stupid decision. Fuck that, thats a shtty life decision and it should be treated accordingly.”

my response:

i agree with some points! like, i get that the mother was a hardworking single mother who needed to give her kids some more freedom and also isolation in life to hide the whole werewolf secret, but when ame was just like “imma drop out of elementary school,” and hana was ok with it, i was just staring at the screen like “no, why are you letting him do this?” i feel like my issue with the boy and the beast was that ren decided that “humans and monsters need to live in their own world,” and left forever when i was thinking “no man, you can have both, work in the human world on weekdays and just go back to the monster world on weekends or something, you have basically nothing in the human world but this random girl you met and whatever the japanese version of the GED is.”

so. after thinking about it. literally for a few years. i realized. the reason i don’t like these movies, or at least their endings, since the premises sounds interesting enough for me to try them. is probably because im projecting my own weirdo complex identity issues on them. (own ramble lol) (other ramble on kitsu) (transracial tag on main) (racial imposter syndrome with NPR’s Code Switch) (all mixed up what do we call people of multiple backgrounds, also on NPR’s Code Switch)

so. as you can hopefully see. i. am currently in a pretty big identity/culture crisis. and. i think that the endings of these movies rubbed me the wrong way because their solution was to choose one over the other. like. there’s no room to try to make it work, to try and have a balance between the two worlds.

as mentioned above, in wolf children, why the heck not try to make it work? be a furry forest protector and still visit your mom because you’re in the same area. in fact, ame is literally the stupidest kid/literal elementary school drop out because, instead of trying to help the forest with actual laws and such because bc, its sad but let’s be real, capitalism and bulldozers can affect the forest more than one kid trying to larp as the big bad wolf of the forest. and you know how ame could’ve tried to protect the forest in a more substantial way? literally just. finding a balance between the human and magical werewolf/animal world and becoming a botanist/biologist/ecologist/forest ranger. someone who can bring some actual solutions to fixing issues in the forest with science. instead of like. “feeling the forest vibes” or whatever the heck was even happening there.

and then also as mentioned in the boy and the beast, protag-kun leaves behind all his childhood friends and the ppl who helped his adoptive dad raise him, practically his adoptive aunts and uncles, behind for a random girl he met, his birth dad and step family, and whatever a japanese GED is. like. again, why not try to make it work? have two cultures????

you dont have to choose one over the other!!

i’m sure that mamoru hosoda didn’t mean to be like. idk. insensitive to people of mixed races/cultures, etc., esp. since japan is not a very racially/culturally diverse place so he probably didn’t even have this mindset when making these movies, but the message in the movies’ endings that you have to pick one culture, country/world, family, etc., over the other because they’re just too incompatible is just. absolute bullshit. do i care that they’re werewolf and magic furry world culture? no, i think you can and should still try dude.

like. i have. a bunch of intersectional race/culture/adoption issues, but am i going to try to have some balance and learn about all of them and live with them? yeah????? do you realize how stupid it is to me to think about like. having to pick between cultures???? its just like. to me, picking one over the other would be like forcing me to stay with white americans or just like. go back to china. like the boy and the beast protag did or someshit????? like???? i can try to balance them??? tisn’t that the whole point of like. chinese american/ immigrant created mixed culture/experiences, esp. for ppl like me who are transracially adopted and have complex life experiences???? wtf??????

like. i would love to learn more about my birth country and all but im not going to be an absolute dumbass like the boy and beast protag and move to another world/country just because “its where i’m from” or “i have biological family there.” i cant speak the language, i’d leave all my friends and family oceans away, how the heck would i even live??

anyways TL;DR - as a person with some complex feelings about identity, and culture, and a person greatly interested in intersectionality due to my lived experiences, mamoru hosoda’s movies and their bullshit anti-intersectionality messages, again most likely unintentional but my brain read it as this, make me not like his movies.