#esp those that have no idea what I've been on about for months

[coulsonlives]

I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.

[anghraine]

About a month ago, I found copies of Morgoth's Ring and The War of the Jewels in a local used bookstore after many years of looking for used editions, and immediately snatched them up to go with the copy of Peoples of Middle-earth and the LOTR drafts I've had for years.

I don't have The Fall of Gondolin, but even so, I was kind of fascinated by the different variants of the story Tolkien was coming up with until very late in his life. Christopher Tolkien could pretty authoritatively date some of the revisions to the 70s based on the typewriter his father was using, and iirc it was the last First Age material (JRR) Tolkien worked on, and he seemed to really think he could get it done after not touching it for 20 years.

But between the different texts that I do have, there are so many different versions and ideas for the Maeglin backstory that it's pretty wild.

Eöl was captured by Morgoth at some point and his skills made him useful enough in Angband that he got some limited privileges among the slaves and prisoners there, and also he learned some of his craftmanship because he was there. He either escaped because of this or """escaped""" (unconsciously a tool of Morgoth still). JRRT really liked this idea on a narrative level but rejected it for being too similar to Maeglin's own story.

Eöl was a Sindarin relative of Thingol's but had always been a hater in general, and left Doriath out of some mixture of personal antagonism and not wanting to be limited by the Girdle of Melian. His incredible craftmanship had nothing to do with Angband; he advanced his skills through his friendship with the dwarves.

Or maybe he was never one of the people of Doriath, actually, but akin in a looser sense of the broader Sindarin kinship group. He was, incidentally, wrong about the Noldor stealing Sindarin lands; the Sindar weren't occupying those particular lands in the first place.

Eöl was actually a Noldo who refused the final step of the journey and trapped/misled a young Aredhel before the Noldor ever even got to the Undying Lands (thus denying her the sight of the Two Trees). The Valinorean Noldor look down on him for being personally a loser, but there's no racial subtext to it.

Separately from any of this, Tolkien keeps confusing the exact generations that the Nolofinweans and Fëanorians belong to, so there's a draft where Aredhel is accidentally moved up a generation and Eöl regards Curufin and Celegorm as his shitty nephews.

JRRT wrote a whole passage about Curufin's motives in his interactions with Eöl, what he knew or guessed at what point about just who Eöl's mysterious wife was, and the importance of showing the better side of Curufin's character (given how awful he usually is, esp in Beren and Lúthien's story) in his relationship to Aredhel and his distaste for Eöl, even if he remains arrogant. Although Curufin unfortunately doesn't choose murder on that specific occasion, his annoyance with Eöl does cause significant delay that buys some time for Aredhel and Maeglin's escape.

There's more, but those are things I found interesting!

[refeminizeme]

THIS IS A KINK BLOG

18+ ONLY MINORS DNI

Mandatory disclaimer that transphobia in real life sucks and so does misogyny etc and i dont condone pretty much anything on this blog if its not in a consensual kink context, obviously. If this content triggers you pls block me, your mental health comes first.

_______________________________________________

kink list

loves

forcefem/feminization!!!!!!!

bondage esp sh1bari

brainwashing/conditioning/mind control

bimboification/dumbification

hypnosis!!!!!

breathplay (incl. being choked and more)

dp

edging & denial

sensory deprivation ♡

humiliation

consensual blackmailing but only w ppl i REALLY trust

gaslighting/manipulation (consensually and negotiated first, and only w the right person so dont do this right out the gate)

likes

cnc (if in the mood, with the right person i trust, etc)

breeding/sometimes pregnancy

spirals

intox (consensually and for the right person)

degradation in very specific circumstances/with certain people

exhibitionism/voyeurism

misogyny kink

hucow

curious about

lactation

currently exploring piss kink (will be tagged #piss kink, for those who wish to avoid it)

will update as i like, think of more???? if u think of anything not on this list ask me about it n like, it just may get added hahahahahaha

limits

findom/me

v0mit

scat

cgl/ddlg/daddy dom anything

age/re

alternate personality stuff/anything related to that

feet

body shaming, esp weight related

weight control/eating disorder stuff

racism/racist slurs/etc

any kind of inc3st including daddy/mommy as a title

ass to mouth in any capacity

rimming (giving)

_______________________________________________

i occasionally make detr4ns/misgen/bimbofication files (you can find them here!!) but im primarily a sub.

__________________________________

I used to be ftm and hypnosis fixed my brain 🥴

I've been listening to files for like 4 years+ and this is like, how ive turned out bc of it???? I really am detransitioning n becoming the best bimbo i CAN be irl this is not like, ENTIRELY a fantasy for me but i dont like, condone this stuff outside of a consensual kink context to be clear. if this stuff upsets you please block and move on.

currently my tits are an F/I cup depending on the day bc i haven't been keeping up my regimen 😅

also fwiw i AM a bigger girl, which like, means dont expect me to be the waifish manic pixie dream girl many guys like, seem to expect??? My icon + header are both me so that shld give u an idea of what to expect.

I have a gdrive folder full of nüdes (51 things including a few videos!!) n im offering access 2 that 4 an upfront donation of whatever we agree is reasonable n a small upkeep donation every so often. I dont update it often, but I do update a lot at once.

Alternatively, should you be interested in saucier content on the reg, I've made an MYM.fans acct!! I plan 2 upload all the good stuff on there n thats $10 a month, ish.

I also do custom hypnofiles, pics/vids/audios/etc. DM 4 details.

Lastly, should you feel like being generous n tipping/ buying me a gift, my c4sh4pp is $pavementflower n you can buy me gifts/contribute 2 gift money here!!

im in a polyamorous relationship with someone, n also a dynamic with a Dom. im not really looking atm but im open 2 play through asks just dont ask me 2 touch myself 🙈 I'm also not allowed to send nudes 4 free soooo yeah 😅

[youremyheaven]

U GUYYYSSS storytime:

So I got talking to a guy a little while ago and we vibed realllyyy well. He's lowkey the textbook definition of everything I'm looking for in a guy. He's 6'2, well to do (not rich but does veryyyy well for himself), BULKY BROAD SHOULDERED, Venusian etc

The synastry of our charts is insane 🥵 He had Mercury atmakaraka (remember my Mercury DK?? 😌)

He has a Venus Moon and stellium and he's the most Venusian guy I've ever met,,, he LOVES beauty, art, the female form etc and appreciates it. The way he spoke about it was so hot to me ngl,,, mf was so poetic,, he really knew how to speak sensually without ever being creepy or vulgar

His Mercury AK was in Purvabhadrapada and he had a puppy like softie Jupiter guy personality. I loved the fact that he looked like a WWE boxer (bulky af 🥵) but had the personality of a golden retriever. LITERALLY ALL MY DREAMS seemed to be coming true.

I knew his birthday but not his rising sign. Yk what they say about "if something's too good to be true, then it is" ??? yeah, i just couldn't brush off the feeling that something wasn't right. But I couldn't straightaway ask for his birth time, esp since he's Hindu and will know what's up 🤭😂 ANYWAAAYYYS we're talking and everything and this man is love bombing me HARD and I know it because:

a) I'm a retired love bomber myself

b) This is not my first rodeo

and anyways this 🧔🏻 is talking marriage and babies, he's calling me wifey 😭 (kinda cringe bc he's known me for dayyys but good lord handsome men can get away with anything 😤) and he refers to himself as "husband" 😭😭😭 like "husband's proud of you" and "your husband doesn't want you to apologise" 😭 (ew but he's hot 👉🏻👈🏻) and I let myself have my delulu moment and try to give him the benefit of the doubt bc literally he checks every box 🥹and he's soooo completely fond of me. We used to run in the same circles like 10yrs ago, even though I had no idea who he was and never interacted with him then, he told me that he remembered me from back then and thought I was cute 🥺 and later I took a looooong break from social media and he told me he'd wondered where I was all those years 🥹🥹and then I apparently showed up in his "suggested for you" on IG a few months ago and he instantly recognised me and followed me etc 🥺🥹 he's been tryna hmu for monthsssss now but I was with my ex 🤡and then I was recovering from my ex 🤧 so I didn't pay much attention to it. When he told me all this, it kinda made me melt 🫠 how he kept trying to talk to me even though I repeatedly ignored him etc

And he did everything right. I could text him rn and he'd reply in 5 seconds. He always asked me how I was, remembered things, always sent me like 20 different messages until I replied, showered me in compliments (Venusian men love to pour you with their attention, it can even be annoying lmfao) etc like there was nothing in his behaviour, his tone or his words that was giving me 🚩 he genuinely seemed sweet, caring etc and he loved babies 😩 and sent me videos with his nieces and nephews (man's was manipulator pro max) but YK ME 🤪 when I have a gut feeling ☝🏻 I can't ignore it 🤓 so I was very much waiting for the ball to drop and watch him fuck up somehow 💀 initially I felt sooo overwhelmed by all his love (bombing) that I felt like the bad guy for not reciprocating it or feeling that kind of "love at first sight" thing 🤡 BUT

one day he said "I can't believe I found you after 10 years, that means no matter where you are after another 10 yrs, I'll find you then as well" and I was like 🤨 I thought you wanted to marry me and make me your trophy wife 🧐 huh 👀 and he was all 😂😍haha yes ofc I'm just joking bbg 😍😂 but I knew there was more to it

Finally I got his birth time AND GUESS WHAT???

He's Hasta Rising 💀💀💀💀

Idk if you know already but I don't like Lunar men 🤡 and the minute I found out, I was SCREAMING bc 😭 why would God play me like that???? Put the most perfect guy, astrologically and otherwise, in front of me, I literally have him wrapped around my pinky and HE'S A LUNAR??? why God why 😭

But him & I had come too far for me to dump his ass for no reason 😬 (can't tell him it's bc the sus vibes I got from him was further bolstered by him being Lunar 🤭) so I was praying to God to give me an opportunity where he fucks up so that I can walk away 🚶🏻‍♀️from this situation before things get out of hand

AND GOD DELIVERED 😩

I was texting him the other day and he spoke about how he wants to spend as much time with me as he can before we go out to chase our dreams (move away from this city basically) and I was like 🤨so you're looking for a short term relationship?? And he was like 🥺 no never and I was like why tf would you say you want to marry me and have babies (1 boy and twin daughters 😭🤡💀) if you already know you cannot commit???? And he was like "because we could meet again in a few years and it would be nice to have this plan ready" 💀💀💀💀 HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT AKSKKSJSJDIID brother thinks my IQ is in the negatives bc WTF sort of explanation is that 😭 and i told him "this manipulation might work elsewhere but not on me, good luck tho, bye, I'm done here 💅🏻" and he went 180 and said "I'm so sorry, I was just trying to be funny, please give me another chance, all I meant is that we never know how things go so we can try to work things out but there's no guarantee, please I'm so sorry" 😂😂 and he called me like 3 times and finally said "Can we atleast still be friends? i can't lose you like this" AJSJJSJSJ THE AUDACITY 🤡💀🤡💀

but I just want to say thank you God for showing me his true colours and for giving me the opportunity to exit with grace and dignity and making him feel like a fool 😌✨

[trapastrology]

My Decision has been made...

Good Afternoon, my beautiful astro babes!

A Week ago, I made a poll asking if you'd all rather me go the route of Patreon or Twitch. I want to take a bigger step in my career esp given my upcoming transits and other circumstances.

The poll has officially ended and there was a weeks' time to vote.

Patreon was the WINNER

I actually prefer this over twitch being that i can do more and there be a huge bang for your buck!

My Patreon will include a lot such as...

Lives (will be available to watch even if you missed it)

Exclusive In-depth information

Merch (towards the end of the year)

Discounts for readings, books and classes exclusive to patreon members

YouTube style videos (so those on Patreon will be seeing my face lol)

Classes strictly for Patreon members (the classes will be chosen by them)

& way more!

There will only be one tier. I find that this is the easiest way for me to post quality content between 2 platforms (Tumblr & Patreon) as well as not having people feel "left out" who may not be able to maintain the purchase of other tiers they may really like to join.

The only Tier will be $9. Being that a lot of quality content and such will be produced every month, I find that this is an amount that isn't too, too much but can still be sustainable for me.

I will be very ecstatic for those of you who'd like to join. I will be able to do more with something that I love to do without any outside sources intervening. This will also help me better interact with everyone one on one and giving a specific group of people what they want and need. The information i'll have on my Patreon will definitely be things that you can (& should) apply to your daily life to better your quality of life. This will also be towards people trying to get into the deeper parts of astrology.

I hope that everyone who wants to join is able to join!

However, there is one more thing I'd like to address. As a 1H Jup, I like to ask for signs from the universe for if I should do something or not. I was wondering if I should go on to Patreon/Twitch or if I should continue to stay on social medias strictly being that I've been on here for years.

Yesterday, I was accused of "stealing" my book title name from someone handle. For those of you who have been here for a while & came from twitter, I released Written In The Cosmos, on May 1st and was working on it a month prior to posting about it on April 1st. Nothing about or from my book was ever stolen from someone or something else. The title? Came from my mom. I asked her to help me with title and chapter names and she gave me a few and Written in the cosmos was supposed to be a chapter title but I switched it to a book title. The Artwork? If you've read any of my book promo, you'd know that it is Watercolor Painted by me! I also posted the whole tutorial on my personal TikTok and I painted it way before I thought about my book. The contents? was all me. Experiences I had and gathering information from people I interviewed! This is the first and last time I'll speak on this being that I honestly don't have the energy or anything to prove becuz as I worked on my book, I posted about it all the time. However, she commented on my post about my book, so I dm'd her asking her to clarify the issue and then I was blocked instantly. Furthermore, I took this as a sign to do bigger things becuz as a Scorpio/8H plmnt, if you aren't doing your thing and someone isn't trying to accuse you of something you didn't do...are you doing it right??? LOL

Nevertheless, everyone here knows I only post original content and I'm usually out and about when I think of posts info and ideas so I'll put it in my voice memos and type them out later.

Thank you for everyone who has purchased my book becuz it's meant the absolute world to be being that I thought it wasn't good enough to share! You are very appreciated by me forever and always!

I can't wait to start my New Patreon journey while also continuing my journey on here!

If you got this far, I love you and more content will be loading!!!!!!!

[inchidentally]

tricky asks time! a lot have built up so I'm definitely going to have to do a multiparter - remember to bl 'wank adjacent' to not see these posts <3

I'm putting these two together bc the first one is to do with a super creepy anon who has a very loud and fully parasocial "our relationship" attitude toward Lily and Oscar and ironically thought that me saying that I engage in rpf for fun on a website that requires multiple hoops to get through to even scroll one page of someone's blog. and the second is the side of fandom who have developed a certain idea of "perfect relationships" based solely on the woman remaining largely unknown and the man a major public figure.

okay, so. full disclosure: I don't have a great view of heterosexual relationships when it comes to what they do to women and what they take from women. I'm not automatically down on any of them and as always I'm like, other people's choices are fully their own and my opinions are irrelevant as far as they're concerned!

it's pretty obvious from me repeating over and over but first and foremost !! I am aggressively against internalized misogyny in fandom spaces, and esp toward the women who date or marry male public figures. it's absolutely rampant on a larrying level in carlando and pretty damn bad in dando and I've been adamant that landoscar won't fall prey to those people (carlando and dando fandoms still have plenty of great people, just to say <3).

but make no mistake, me sticking up for these women is because they do not deserve abuse as a basic decency. they're not dolls I pick up and put down based on if they happen to be with a guy I post about. they deserve respect regardless of who is observing them and why. *if they're genuinely problematic then that's a separate topic but holy shit only bring that morality if you're prepared to apply it to the men you're a fan of at the same time !!

the fact that we only know these women based on the man they're dating or married to is already problematic and I get pretty grossed out when fans go hard for a gf or wife and then easily transfer that energy immediately when there's a breakup and a new gf or wife. it's equally gross when they continue to follow the ex and say how much they "miss her" or constantly bring up her ex in spaces she can see.

so when I speak up about or for Lily and any other wife or girlfriend of a driver, I'm doing so with full respect for how uncomfortable it is that I only know of her existence bc of a man. and that I also have a responsibility in a fandom space - even one as fairly invisible as tumblr - to kick back at fans who attack them purely to create space for their rpf ship fantasy or their own unhealthy obsession.

it's also why you'll see me being a broken record about keeping the line between rpf for fun and the reality of these men's relationships.

I don't think I'll ever believe that a woman is anything but relatively happy in a partnership with the type of man who has to give their entire selves to their career. especially F1 that demands 10 months of almost nonstop travel and commitments. and sorry, the whole 'yay she has her own career/life!' as some kind of consolation prize for her sacrifices doesn't work bc in order for the relationship to exist beyond phone calls and texts has always required the wife or girlfriend to fly wherever he is to spend time together. very occasionally, I see someone like George or Alex make the effort during the season to fly out to their girlfriend. Oscar went on a minibreak with Lily during the break last season. like, that's bare minimum lol and nothing compared to these women flying across the globe and being stuck waiting around while their bf or husband only has the rare hour or so between commitments on a race weekend.

so any "praise" of a wife or girlfriend for how they accommodate a man's career and "stay out of the spotlight" or "stay private" is a massive red flag for me. an largely invisible woman dating a man with a public profile will never feel like an organic decision on her part to me. it's a reaction to a situation that shouldn't exist.

"his fans and fangirls are awful though" yea and that's not fucking right and it's not a reason to let them win. decent fans can work harder to suppress the shitty ones and mass report accounts. and I know that for Lily Z, she's gotten temporary respite by being nothing more than a woman walking beside Oscar and not "giving haters any ammunition". but for example, even though Lily M and Carmen still get occasional shit from idiots who just want to hate, they go relatively unscathed because the decision was made early on to be in on the rpf ship jokes and George and Alex consistently make as many posts about them in a sort of joint, impenetrable "this is our relationship and you will not drive these women into hiding". Lily's hugely intelligent and has professional STEM aspirations of her own.

it's wayyyyy too convenient to say she's as private as she is because privacy fulfills her and brings her happiness. it's just the flipside of haters giving her a conditional reprieve bc they don't have to be annoyed by her having a visible personality.

and guess what? we've never once heard from Lily herself that she would be private even without dating a man in the public eye. we've heard what her boyfriend has said. we've heard from Kym Ilm*n. and women in fandom have taken that and decided it's permission to praise her for not wanting to face unfair abuse. like ??? I am not ok with that lol.

"maybe she just doesn't want to be super visible or have a public identity!" nah. if she's under 50 then having a public identity is fully the norm so it's too much of a convenient reach to make that assumption. and if she has a career of her own then she absolutely needs to have a public identity. even when you start out in entry positions, showing the work you do and the people you work with is totally normal for advancement. (I'm in shitty jobs so that doesn't apply to me lol but no F1 wife or gf will be working my jobs. almost all the women I know are in aspirational careers tho.)

women deserve to at least have a go at being a dynamic, public person who pursues life to the degree she chooses irrespective of her bf - and if afterward she finds she wants to be super private and raise a man's babies out of sight AND SHE SAYS SO HERSELF then that's absolutely wonderful.

but absolutely no one can convince me that women aren't conditioned and pressured in a world like F1 to either shut up and stay out of the way, or that they're "asking for it" if they do live publicly and have crazies stalking them and sending them abuse.

*side note that I've heard some ummm potentially not great things about Seb with regard to women that are not worth repeating here in case they've been blown out of proportion or just rumors. (I get the whole "he may have changed" but a lot of the videos of him flirting with women or objectifying them is... not great and hopefully he's seen the error in that) but even if it's all untrue (and obv I hope it is) I'm only happy for his wife if she has openly stated herself that she voluntarily chose to remain largely invisible and put up with him being absent so often and her having to be the one to alter her life to be with him during the F1 season. if she hasn't clearly said that herself (a direct quote "" and not just a reporter stating it) then there's no point in us assuming it about her. and the Seb's words are not a replacement for her own, sorry.

I'm not at all a person to comment on this myself but I fully respect your experience babe <3 I personally know and know of a few ppl who got together in HS and ended up getting engaged or married and they're already cheating or breaking up so I also can't contradict you aslfgsjalgf

and just to say: while I (for all the reasons above) will never be yay I'm so glad Lily is tied to a man whose job absorbs his entire life I will NEVER say that outside these replies. I will always push support for Lily - and any gf Lando might have at some point - bc they deserve and need it in fandom. and any of our takes on these relationships are pointless and irrelevant anyway.

I think I covered my own feeling about this above and tbh it depends on the intent. if they're going to drop the woman in question if/when a breakup happens then yea that is super creepy and weird to make fan pages etc.

I like following certain wives and gfs accounts mostly bc I live vicariously through the glamour of their lives but I'd feel weird interacting with their content or making fan content of it when I know damn well I only started following them bc of a man.

it's tricky to say and I think it depends so much on the individual fan's intent and how they create that content y'know?

but god yeah, unless a ship is a joke openly shared by the men in question like carlando and dando then I need these official accounts to just not do rpf. it's why I tend not to rb when that happens with landoscar bc I so want this ship to remain mostly under the radar and not attract rpf truthers.

[powderblueblood]

I thought you might appreciate this because you're a tattoo artist. I'm South Asian and I draw my own henna tattoos on my arm every month and it got me thinking about giving Eddie a full henna sleeve. It would take hours but I would do it SMILING. The thought of getting to try out different designs on him every few weeks once the tattoo's faded makes me feel so fuzzy and warm. But I feel like he'd have trouble staying still for that long. And the smudges!!!!! cue that scene from season two of the bear. He'd smudge the tattoo on accident before it has time to dry I just know it in my bones but I couldn't stay mad at those big brown bambi eyes for long. If you could tattoo him what would you like to give him? I've always wanted to get a stick and poke tattoo but none of the artists in my area offer that so all of my regular tattoos have been done by machine

OH I LOOOOOVE THIS SO BAD, I love the idea of having to make him sit still for the henna but he’s also just so fascinated with how precise you are about it….. anon write that blurb I would FAINT!!!

I had a nice little think about this (esp because I’m working on new flash to get back to tattooing) and I’d love to give Eddie medieval style tat of a gargoyle 🥰 to pwotect him 💕 because I’m a SAP

or one of these fuckin things

I will never not get a kick out of these freako medieval illustrations and I feel like they’re exactly Eddie’s bag, like once he moves on from getting very hardcore cool tattoos he’s like ‘I need a collection of like genuine little freaks on me’

But I hope you get to get a stick n poke soon! They’re so fun and like meditative almost. Gosh I miss tattooing

[charlottedabookworm]

Dawntrail Day 2

spoilers up to: lvl 93 msq (including first two dungeons and first trial)

original draft date: 29/6/24

scheduled release for: 27/7/24

time for more msq! only passively leveling picto atm - i ain't dealing with those dps queues - so i'm hoping to reach the first dungeon and trial at least today!

*

sorry wuk lamat but you did tell erenville you’d take any way that was available

*

awww Thancred’s embarrassing koana

*

….i stopped literally ten minutes before the dungeon unlock last night

ten minutes

fucker

*

question (that isn’t gonna be answered for a month lol): does who the cutscene mentions staying behijd change? cos i’m on drg and ali is staying behind but if i was a healer would it be alphi? or can alphi or wuk lamat switch out for dps on this trust dungeon?

…they probably just flex wuk lamat or alphi thinking about it

*

okay wow hi i hate that

*

sorry wuk lamat we’ll get you a rest soon let me just drive all over the zone collecting aether currents first

*

yeah but neither do your brothers

you heard even koana: he doesn’t see rhe point or ihih’hana when there are simpler ways to revitalise the soils aether. why care about tradition when you can have efficiency?

you want to learn wuk lamat and that’s the important part

*

the boy is just so damn pretty

*

i don’t care how villainous you are you do not take a seat at a cafe for your top secret villain meeting and then not at least order drinks

fucks sake support local businesses damn it

*

“As long as you cover my teleportation fees”

“…what is a teleportation?”

I’m dying-

*

time to get my arse handed to me in a spar with gulool ja ja!

*

fucking hell i was not expecting that active time maneuver to go so hard

fun fight tho not really hard but definitely has you bouncing around a lot

*

that none of them are ready for the throne?

yeah clocked that

but then that’s what this rite is for yeah? to teach them and see who will be ready

*

sareel ja is giving me major mad scientist vibes ngl

i am very worried about what he’s gonna get up to

maybe the true villain? he’s almost certainly gonna end up tossing aside zoraal ja at some point

*

damn she missed

*

i hate follow quests

doesn’t matter what game just hate

*

TWO????

there’s a second one?!?!?!

*

oh hey! nice!

we haven’t had a race speak a different language since the dragons iirc!

i mean these guys can speak both and are gonna try and kill us almost certainly but! own language!

*

wait what-

another dungeon already?

i know they do them on odd quests but still it hardly feels like any time has passed since the last dungeon esp when i played eight hours yesterday without hitting the first one

*

okay i’m digging the music in worqor zormor

*

rdm confirmed as a healer class square said it first

*

annnd valigarmanda is free

i’m not saying i’m blaming bakool ja ja despite having no evidence but

*

i were fucking right

*

that has to disqualify them right?

like bakool ja ja has to be disqualified from the rite for freeing valigarmanda right?

*

koana’s back!

i’d say they were gonna let us do trust for the trial but alphi isn’t here-

zoraal ja? huh

really expected him to have left tbh

maybe trust is back on the table then? but still no second healer (except for healer rdm ali who doesn’t steal the lb)

*

duty support yes!

i love it when they do this for trials!

*

….how tf did we get onto this platform? I see no way up in the slightest

yes i am typing this while standing in front of valigarmanda i’m on trust they’ll wait

*

huh

no idea if this is a trust trial thing? so you have a chance to learn from your mistakes? or if it’s supposed to be for everyone and it’s only showing on me cos of trusts

but also the trial was fun and can’t wait to see how the extreme ends up

*

i do appreciate that wuk lamat is basically the only one makinh friends so she’s (seemingly) the only one getting all these golden city lore dumps

*

flying unlocked for urqopacha and kozama’uka!

*

so i've been thinking aobut it for an hour or so (dog walk) and it's occurred to me what i found odd about this part of the msq

dawntraal bucks a trend that's been in every ffxiv expansion

we've had at least a single split zone since heavensward (sea of clouds) and two in every expansion since: the peaks and the fringes for stormblood, kholusia and amh areng in shadowbringers, and labyrinthos and thavnair in endwalker

dawntrail doesn't buck the trend here with urqopacha and kozama'uka

but in every previous expansion, those split zones were some of the first, usually the first, zones we visited. we explored half of them. we left and the msq continued on, we visited 1-3 other zones, and then we return once more late into the expansion to explore the other half of the zones. it has been this way in every expansion

except for dawntrail

dawntrail starts exactly were you expect, esp after shb and ew, you start the msq. the msq splits along two paths. those paths introduce the split zones. the msq remerges and continues

only instead of taking you to the third zone, as anyone who'd played the previous expansions would except, dawntrail immediately takes you back

urqopacha and kozama'uka are the two first zones you visit and then you go back and explore the other half and there are still four zones left to visit and i-

i'm really curious as to how this will change things. usually split zones are both beginning and almost endgame zones (usually place directly before the final zone in more recent expansions) so now that they are fully beginning zones what does that mean?

will this be the new trend now or is are they gonna change it up every expansion? is this just something for dawntrail?

idk and it probably means absolutely nothing but it's interesting

[angst-in-space]

february '24 writing progress

words written: 7.9k

most words written in a day: 1,502

least words written in a day: 0

yearly total: 18.7k

projects worked on:

ya sci-fi book rewrites

sylvix pacrim au

matchablossom bedsharing fic

sylvix dreamscape fic ch 10 edits

planning some bsd fics...

works published in february:

none

february goals:

*stares into the camera* please let me finish ya sci-fi book rewrites. please for the love of god

keep working on query package

perhaps send out one query for funsies

finish editing sylvix dreamscape fic ch 10 and send to betas

work on fic at least a little??

maybeee at least touch one of my other books i.e. keep working on arctic monster book or planning space dads book, idk we’ll see

march goals:

if i don't finish ya sci-fi book rewrites this month you all have to kill me fr

errrm work on query package some more...?

finish editing sylvix dreamscape ch 10

work on other fics if i have time

keep planning bsd fics

notes:

haha... pain...

idk. rough month for me, lads. my mental health was hmm not great. i'm still not done with my ya sci-fi book rewrites and to be frank i feel like shit about it LOL. only rewrote like One Chapter and i still have like 7(??) more to go so....urrgghh. some delusional part of me believes i can still finish it this month somehow but at this rate it'll probably take me the rest of the year so lmao who knows at this point!! not me!

i did at least work a bit on my query package this month so wooo!!! a friend was helping me out with it so i still have a ton of edits to do on my query/synopsis but that's a problem for future me.

i did have some stupid plan to send out a single query just for funsies by end of february—and honestly i was gonna do it, but... missed the deadline to query the one agent i was going to query, and took that as a sign for the universe that it was an idiotic idea anyway. lol. maybe by end of march, but i am feeling so hopeless about my book currently that that's a very very big Maybe.

i also worked a bit on sylvix dreamscape fic ch 10 edits... unfortunately there was a big chunk in the middle i've had to basically totally rewrite bc i changed some stuff and also hated what i'd written but akdfjdk i really do want to finish it this month ;; i know some people are anxiously waiting for the ending so i feel terrible that it's been so long... hopefully i will make the wait worth it 🙏

umm wellll ALSO fell into bungo stray dogs hell this past month. i had actually been watching it since...september?? (can that be right?) but took me like six months to get through the whole thing, then suddenly the brainrot hit haha. and i ended up getting like three fic ideas for it soooo... i've been vaguely working on planning those! no idea when i will have time to actually write any of them (esp considering the 14938 fic wips i already have) but hope to at least keep planning them during march.

aaaand yeah that's all for now folks! 💃

[claudiajcregg]

i'd love to hear any behind the scenes you have on 'say it's here where our pieces fall in place' bc i read it and loved it and i want to know about it 💜

Welp, I've been thinking about this since you sent it and I feel I won't do it justice! I feel like I could say a lot if I went chapter by chapter, but many tabs of unread fics stare back at me. I'll skim and try to say something, though.

Some commentary on say it's here where our pieces fall in place under the cut! I am sick and rambly. And lbr I can never shut up anyway, but this might be too incoherent even for me. (Original ask post here)

It was sort of an unofficial NaNoWriMo project, in that I set myself a goal to tackle “longer fics” or ideas I wanted to cover but hadn't. From my notes, I had this idea to write a ficlet per year because I always enjoy this kind of story, and I know I'd tried to approach different ones in the past. I started writing in late October/finished in Nov 2021. (The other fic I started was never finished, even if dammit, it hits.) I posted it in January, so it wasn't that bad, considering I'll often take months.

It's maybe important to note that I had only finished writing “The Monster (affectionate)” (aka the 148k-ish word IM AU) in early September and I felt a bit burned out after spending five months writing that (would’ve been less but the struggle was real for the last third of the story. Oddly reminiscing of you-know-what story these days). This arbitrary deadline helped me get back into writing. Granted, I wrote a couple of fics in those five months, but I wanted to try another multichapter.

Anyway. I picked some random, perhaps not obvious choices for the vignettes. It was partly to avoid writing something I might have potentially covered at one point, and also a challenge. Some are also strange (the dream!), but I kinda loved it? (Fun fact: the fic references the Sherry-Netherland, whose exterior is the establishing shot in Internal Displacement. I swear there is some thought put into my writing.) And as the A/N I wrote to myself, I definitely wrote and rewrote bits and pieces of this on my way to and from therapy, haha.

Let me find a fun fact about each of the chapters, if I can think of any.

1998: actually repurposed some campaign fic idea I distinctly remember writing in spring 2018, while I was still in uni. It also has GLOVES. I live for that.

1999: I like the idea of exploring Danny and Abbey's relationship! They presumably have a good one and yet, I don't think we ever see them interact. (And god. Danny's recent, pre-campaign breakup is a recurring theme in my campaign stories too, loool.)

2000: Danny and Josh are an underrated friendship, and I like the references to Rosslyn. There was so much in those months in Midterms that we didn't see, and I like thinking Danny visited his friend.

We also got two back-to-back chapters focused on Danny - I remember trying to make it even, so that the focus was more or less evenly split.

2001: the Manchester fuckup! And it's one of the dream chapters! There were two of them? (We're 3 out of 4 in which I was surprised by the focus, but now I kinda want to re-read it all properly?) I'll say that I can see some vague, unconscious inspo from Freefall by KadeeFalls in this chapter (esp since I was just talking to you about it)... But I'm mostly obsessed with the magical realism (there's another term that my foggy brain cannot think of rn) of dreams, and how it can help us clear our heads.

2002: I remembered this was set after Simon! I know it's probably an odd, controversial choice but they both tried to move on (at least, we know CJ did), and it felt disingenuous not to include it. There are moments when she almost admits to her previous (?) feelings for Danny, but stops.

As with most thus far, there were fluffier and probably better choices for 2002 (Christmas!!), but... My brain wanted it to appear like CJ couldn't really bring herself to think about Danny.

2003: Aw, the specialty store is inspired by a franchise over here that had Goldfish (not many flavors) and I took a dramatic license and added it over there. I also added a small flashback because I love thinking Danny doesn't think they're all that but likes them. (But will tease CJ about it.) Plus, some more resolution to moving on!

2004: Yeah, the formatting is weird. (This is one I'd have to go back and do a blockquote or something.) Danny winning a Pulitzer for the Shareef stuff is a mostly accepted headcanon. CJ seeing his picture on the paper and having feels is just something I love, especially if he mentions someone else. (Look. I'm all for letting him pine, but he deserves to move on and fail too.) Plus Josh teasing her!

2005: The Sherry-Netherland! fwiw, I'm sure I had finally figured out this was the place and decided it would be so cheeky to add it here. I'm so sMaRt. Flowers when she gets promoted! And my spin (in this story) of CJ vaguely shunning him. This is the angst before the fluff.

2006: I remembered this one was a dream at some restaurant! (Again the formatting is not great, but I didn't want to tip my obvious hand.) The same way I think CJ's dream in 2001 was about her wondering how Danny would have reacted, this is about Danny realizing he needs to reach out to her... But with the added family ~tale~. Def inspired by that lyric in "Sad Beautiful Tragic."

2007: I feel like having it at some random dinner with Josh and Donna was an odd choice, but I loved the idea of a double date! The scarf scene is just so! And the chaos siblings energy is great. It was a reprieve from the angst.

Meeting at LAX was right there! I had written a story or two trying to do it justice, so I'm guessing that's why it's not. And fwiw the airport story I wrote shortly after that is the one being posted ~soon~. (A rewritten, slightly expanded version.)

2008: Pregnancy mood swings! It hurt to make them fight, but it's so fluffy otherwise. From what I remember, it has various references to things that happen in the story (particularly from the first two chapters) but it still manages to close it rather nicely, showing how strong their marriage is. I hope.

Okay. This has gotten way too long and it's probably useless.

I've always said I could have written another 11 chapters using different scenes, because there are just so many, even outside the obvious ones... Though I feel I wouldn't be able to recapture the magic.

I do definitely want to reread this for real. As with many fics, it's one of those I used to reread often before posting it (especially the last quarter/third) and then just ignored after. See some other recent examples, such as memoir fic, Portland fic.

Thank you for asking, Ally! God, I used to be a good writer. What happened?!??!

[magpiefngrl]

do you think writer's block is an actual concrete thing? / what is writer's block to you?

Hey anon! When I wrote the post seeking asks, I'd added writer's block to the end of the things I'd like to chat about, and then deleted it because it is included in woes. But you read my mind!

This is going to be looooong. I'm putting it under a cut x

I've had debilitating writer's block in the past. Debilitating. I used to write and post fic regularly back in 2017-18--and then I stopped. For a time, I'd write but would hate everything. I'd feel empty of ideas and robbed of the ability to convey thoughts on page. I'd cross half my sentences out and doubt every word.

And then: I couldn't look at the page. I would think about opening a doc and I'd immediately distract myself with something else. The dishes, the cat, a new tab. It was like even the idea of writing touched some wound inside me and I'd flinch, I'd get that visceral reaction of "ouch, avoid avoid".

So, for me at least, writer's block is a real thing. It happens, it affects people, and it is so prevalent that thousand of articles have been written about it.

I've come to realise, though, that writer's block doesn't exist on its own. It doesn't just come at someone randomly like an unwelcome lottery ticket. It's an indication of something else.

(a pause here to say that writer's block isn't the time when a creative brain needs to rest. The fallow periods. That's normal, esp if you've overextended yourself. Pushing yourself to write at that time might make the brain rebel, and you might think you've got writer's block when all you need to do is take some time off and fill the creative well with fun activities.)

So what might the writer's block indicate? Anything from fear of failure, to insecurity, to perfectionism, to depression. When I'm depressed, I don't write. I have to treat the depression to get rid of the block. That's easy, in the sense that I know what depression feels like and I know how to deal with it. Or at least I know that it passes.

But fear of failure? Perfectionism? These aren't as easy to pinpoint, not for me, anyway. Also, those of us who have posted fics in fandom have the added stress of disappointing readers/followers. You've no idea how terrified I was about finishing my WIP, 9 1/2 days. I was sure that readers would be like "it's been years in the making so the story must be extraordinary" and then they'd read my normal, totally ordinary story and feel let down. At other times, I'd mentioned/promised birthday gift fics to people and I felt the pressure of time passing and me having nothing to show for it. So much stress.

We say that fandom is a fun place and we're here for the joy of being a fan, but this excessive positivity often doesn't allow for the negative feelings of having a story you're proud of go unnoticed. It happens. To all of us. It hurts like fuck. It hurts to see rec list after rec list and not see your name on it. And you feel like a dickhead for feeling resentment and anger about it, because you're not here for the stats, you're really not, but fucking hell--you thought that was a pretty good story and if no one really agreed, then you're not a good writer, right?

Why does writer's block come after you've posted ten fics and not before the first one, when you're a lot more inexperienced and new at this? I guess, higher stakes. Also, times of vulnerability come and go. Once, during my writer block years, when I was trying to get over it and go back to writing, I received a piece of feedback that devastated me. It hurt me so incredibly much that I couldn't (and didn't) think about a certain story for over six months. It was like this person, unwittingly, reached inside me, found where I was hurting, the soft, wounded part of me, and stabbed me right in the middle of it. It was a good lesson in learning to protect myself when I feel vulnerable emotionally.

Imagine trying to write, worrying that you'll let your readers down, certain that your best story is in the past and you've peaked already, anxious about making little progress and falling behind, upset that no one recs or talks about your latest fic--in other words it was a massive failure--(all of these were things I experienced at multiple times) and that's on top of the author's normal worries about trying to figure out the plot and the characters and whether this POV works for the story. Who wouldn't get blocked?

I'd better stop around here, this is something that I could discuss forever. My leaving thought would be that to treat writer's block one should:

first, see if it is writer's block and not burnout or fallow period, in which case: REST

second, try and reflect on what the block is hiding, and then deal with that.

third, care a lot less. I think, at the end of the day, writer's block comes because we care so much about writing a good story that it becomes an impediment. It helps to care less. I've been posting stories unbetaed in the last couple of years. It's a deliberate decision to take back the sensation of being an amateur writing for the fun of it.

send me an ask!

[superfluouskeys]

6, 16, 22 for the writing asks!

Thank you for indulging meee!!

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list?

Almost everything that's high on my list has at least been started LOL! I do have one (private) commission request from a friend that I haven't started yet due to *waves vaguely at everything* so hopefully I can get that underway soon, but since I'm a bit burned out it may still be awhile.

16. Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted?

Hmmmm let's see...usually I don't languish about posting things too much, so if they don't get written, it's just bc I moved on and don't want to anymore LOL! On the flip side, most of what I posted this past year esp the last few months was the *possessed by a demon at 5 in the morning* variety of writing bc otherwise I literally just didn't have time to write anything not for school. So anything that required actual planning or some kind of Structure TM I wasn't really able to get too far on. (I deliberately kept scorched earth in a very simple structure that I already had mostly planned in the hopes that I would be able to work on it when busy!)

The WOT Liandrin/Reader fic will definitely manifest this year, and I have a fic idea for Stray Gods (Athena/Medusa) that I'd like to try to do, but that's much less developed. But those aren't that old! Oh and some DA2 Hawke/Meredith nonsense from a year-ish ago but I've just been holding off on that bc I knew I would replay DA2 soon and be in the right mindset to finish it!

22. Do you plan to take writing classes this year?

LOL not to sound like the world's biggest snob but I don't find writing classes to be useful at all, at least for me personally. There is a very narrow and specific kind of feedback that I find actually useful and it's very rare to find someone who can give that kind of feedback. So I generally avoid "writing workshops" and things like that like the plague.

New Year Fanfic Asks!

[rival-the-rose]

Eating disorder rambling under cut

Eating disorder etiology is so weird. I've been sick again, so I've had another baby relapse. Or, another dip in my larger trend down since my peak recovery in early December and then getting sick end of December. It's just like clockwork, I get a fever or go on antibiotics or vomit and then every eating disorder urge hits even if I've been recovered for months. And I know the pop culture (and even psychiatric) understanding of eating disorders is skewed and shitty but it's somehow still surprising to me when my thoughts are not centered on my body or health or whatever. Like, I think people expect safe foods for ed ppl to be salads or whatever, but today the only food I've been able to eat is old stale tortilla chips that probably should've just been thrown out. It's still "virtuous" food, like morality is still the criterion by which the food is considered "safe", just a different system of morality I guess? And typing out the implications of that morality system makes me sad (ie, the only food I'm worthy of eating is just short of garbage, but my brain presents it as... idk. Something less depressing than that. Like this is gonna help save the world, but it doesn't come with wanting a system to only eat food like that or feed others like that). It's just so weird to go from pretty happily eating three meals a day to feeling morally repugnant if I feel full. Or even right now my usual coping method of thinking of the cheapest meal that is still a complete diet just seems both overwhelming and like I don't deserve that. Like I don't deserve beans and rice with salsa+sour cream, and also that meal is too hard to make.

And there are body thoughts but those feel more conscious somehow. Like the fact that I can barely wear the size 2 pants I bought when I came back this fall really really bothers me but those thoughts almost come as a reaction to whether or not I'm eating. Idk. I just feel like right now I can see how organic and insane it all is, but usually I can't see that on my own. Which either means progress or I'm extra crazy RN. It really makes me wonder what about the illness is triggering - my inactivity+lack of productivity leading to feeling like I don't deserve food? That would make sense but would have to happen at a higher order of thinking than I think this is. Just missing a meal? Maybe I'm constantly closer to relapse than I think and one meal is enough to throw it all off. But sometimes it feels like there actually something physical that changes when I get sick like my brain falls into an old rut that sick me is too tired to yank it out of.

I wonder if someday I'll be able to look back on this the same way I do the pica I had when I was anemic - raw meat and cigarette butts hold zero appeal for me now but were so enticing at the time and it felt so normal. I hate the idea of still struggling like this in another 15 years. But I don't know how to stop being terrified of gaining weight, or to stop soothing that fear with the thought that actually I do know how to lose weight and it's relatively easy. I've never truly had a healthy relationship with food or exercise but I hope I can soon. The idea of spending my entire life like this, of being like the 80 year olds in the hospital, is horrifying. Objectively, the thought of spending my youth like this is even more horrifying (even though my current agreement with myself is to stop this behavior when I'm 40). And on having that thought, I asked myself to get up and eat, and I couldn't do it.

Anyway. I'll pull my shit together soon esp since we're going out of town which usually will make it way easier to eat.

[starlightkun]

hi, i was rereading your sleepless cinderella fics, as one does, when i noticed a weird inconsistency!!! i was on yangyang’s route, when the reader visits the lounge area for the first time in a while and is trying to remember what occupation yangyang has, when the reader says they recall meeting seven men. i think it’s supposed to be six, but idk!!! i know u have a note on the top about there potentially being errors and to let u know, so i just wanted to see if i’m crazy or not. i love your fics though!!! i go back to them all the time… u have so many classics that i adore, and reading them again brings me so much comfort. i also love tuning into all your new releases!!! ur the biggest sungchan fan i know… i feel influenced… swayed…

ahhh ur so right that should totally say six at that part thank you!!! all fixed now! sleepless cinderella truly is such a classic im still so fond n so proud of that one esp now that i made those edits.....

and honestly can i just say i feel like so many readers only browse by new and are only looking for the newest fics and read stuff once and never just sit with fics and absorb them i partially blame tiktok/booktok for that but dont get me started on the commodification of reading and fanworks etc etc and are 1) unwilling to go back to find and read older/unfinished works and 2) reread stuff they've already read,, while i think ppl tend to think they're coming from a good place when they comment asking authors for more fics, it can be draining being treated like a content farm when ur just a person sharing stuff u really like. it's just really refreshing to hear from the people who come and say "i found your blog through [insert older fic]" or "i reread x fic all the time, it's so comforting" like those r the ones that really make me feel good, because it makes the days and months that i put into these fics feel like they have more permanence to people than just the hour or two they spend reading them once and then never thinking abt them again.

i guess that was my roundabout, long way of saying thank you, really 🫶 i like knowing when people read my fics over n over, which are their favorites, which are their comfort fics (which, the idea just makes me melt every single time), which were their first, and which ones they still think abt even long after the first time they read them

and not to brag or anything......but last time i checked like idk a week ago 12% of the jung sungchan/reader tag on ao3 are my fics. there are only 33 fics in that tag, so it's 4/33, but still.....12% 😎😎😎

im so happy ur tuning into my new releases too, im so so proud of the stuff i've been putting out, they've been like my favorite stuff i've ever written both technically and from a creative standpoint in terms of worldbuilding, characters, and the relationships (romantic and platonic), and i'm so excited for what i've got planned too this kun sci-fi au will be so much longer than i first expected but if i can pull it off it's going to be. insane. possibly the starlightkun fic ever

[waywardmillennial]

update on me

what I've been up to the past few months -- that'll end up being mostly a fandom update bc that is my life (no joke) and also some insights into what I'll be blogging about more now

✰ dan and phil games returned!

anyone who follows me on discord knows I love dnp and I was shocked when they made their dramatic comeback last October. that funeral video was so extra, in the most dnp way! I'm so happy that they're already making the channel whatever they want it to be, and can both be out and make so many gay jokes now

✰ ofmd s2

it was beautiful. it was sad. it was joyous. those first few eps were so much darker than we were used to, but I trusted Jenks and he did a great job (esp when you think of max cutting so much of their budget -- bugs bunny meme to those twats). but I was given so many Izzy feelings that I never asked for T_T doing what I can to help get s3 renewed and I have some hope

✰ loki s2

this one was also beautiful, and heartbreaking, but in a good hurt kind of way. this season was made with so much love and honestly one of the best things marvel has ever made. s2 also gave us O.B. (Ke Huy Quan I love you!) and it was even gayer than s1 which I didn't know was possible. I want more (kinda?) but also don't want them to mess up what was practically a perfect ending -- and the most canon lokius we could have hoped for. if they decide to let the old men kiss, then they can greenlight s3

✰ doctor who

the end of the year really kept given me more fandom content than I could keep up with -- but having Tennant and Tate back together again was such a joy! and following the trend of everything else I've been excited about recently, DW came back loudly declaring "gay rights!" I'm unsure if disney being so involved is a good thing (I'm inclined to say it's not) but I already love Ncuti and I can't wait for more of Fifteen & Ruby. and I'm still crying about Wilf tbh

✰ the marvels

solid movie. so much fun. Kamala and family stole the show! and god bless they made Carol gayer

✰ holiday times

I put more effort into celebrating halloween and christmas and enjoyed both of them more than I have in the past few years, so that was really nice.

✰ creative writing

I have only started to get back into doing anything creative but I have a few ideas. I'd like to finally post a stony fic this year. and maybe lokius. and probably skippypants (I have a few others that are very rare pair, so who knows)

EDIT: I can't believe I forgot a big one!

✰ gf live

what an amazing show! the boys are so good with a live audience and it was a treat to watch the show with a whole theatre full of people. it's the best way to watch it imo and I would do it again. and at my show Mari came up to wait in a line near me so I talked to her for a bit. I didn't ask for a photo or anything, just had a normal conversation. but I definitely melted into a puddle right after and she is even more beautiful in person!

[gothamcityneedsme]

ok. so. a bit of admitting a shame here. my first playthrough of lies of p i DID cheat on second phase of final boss. i had his first phase down and his second phase i was barely lasting at all. i spent idk. an hour or so trying and was getting sick of it esp because you can't use a spectre on that boss. i was SO good at first phase but it still was a pain to get through first phase to get walloped in second phase. i have wemod on my computer so i just cracked that babey open because i wanted to. finish the game. i AM hoping that i'll be able to fight him properly in new game plus here (and I will be a little more patient as i wont be like 'i MUST finish this game' especially because i am getting the same ending i got the first time rn). anyways.

my thing with these boss-focused games is like. i do love challenge and its fun but i do not enjoy spending hours on a boss. this is ironic (and i am making this post for this reason): in other games i do this without hesitation.

i nightmare raid in swtor. we spent like 9 months irl as a team working on taking down revan, and every week i get into swtor for 2-4 hours to slam my head against bosses i've been fighting for years with my team. that is like. endless patience.

also. in megaten games i am ALSO much more chill with boss attempts taking hours. my first playthrough of strange journey, i didn't know what shekinah's mechanics would be (obviously) so i was not prepared and thus EACH ATTEMPT i would survive about 12 hours worth of turns before I'd die (or kill her). i legitimately. over several weeks. did multiple 7-12 hour attempts on the final boss before i finally got her down (pausing often of course but i timed myself for a few of those attempts just so i had an idea when i realized how long it was taking me). ofc my second playthrough i was way more prepared so the fight took, idk, an hour or whatever. but i had the tenacity to keep pushing rather than change my party setup that first run. i was OBSTINATE.

and like. swtor isn't turn based and strange journey is, so like, you can pause during the fight and whatever. but THEN i remember when i played raidou 2 i ALSO had an issue with the final boss b/c i refused to play that game correctly, so i wasn't using demons as attackers. i put everything into raidou and my demons were healing tanks to me. i got so good at dodge rolling and such. and the final boss is like, you are supposed to use your demons offensively and hit weaknesses to keep your magitite up, etc. i did do a little bit of that, but i spent like 2 hours rolling around on the ground in my successful attempt (and if memory servers, the final boss of raidou 2 only took me like. a handful of times to beat. i may have even beat it on my first go? i probably needed like 2-3 though, but it wasn't long. my successful attempt took longer than anything else and i did all of that in an evening).

anyways. idk. i am rambling. i just think it's interesting that in games like lies of p and furi, these like more boss-focused hack-and-slash-with-parries style gameplay im like. nah.