#esp since ive been playing since day 1 ;_;

[loafbud]

The first Splatoon game turned 8 yesterday!

[pnfc]

how do you go about picking colours for your drawings? do you use any blending layers or do you just rawdog it?? the colours in your art are always so lovely and i was wondering how you do it, since i always struggle with achieving the colour palettes i want without using 1 million billion blending layers

somewhat longer answer below, tldr make it pink

color picking is hard to advise on because it's up to individual taste. ive been coloring for a long time and i also started out coloring on lots of individual layers. with any aspect of art it helps to find artists whose color schemes inspire you, maybe study them / eyedrop them to learn, i used to do that (and ofc i'm still inspired by other artists!)

but as for technique i personally just get sloppy with it. and limitations can be freeing -- these days i color on one layer (lit. every picture, cuz procreate limits how many layers i can make and i fit as much as possible into one canvas) like here's an older canvas of rocko fanart. i love simple toony characters, esp colorful ones, because they're a fun excuse to play around with colors.

lately with pnf i'm getting even messier and smushing everything together, sometimes i steal one drawing's colors and use it as the base for another drawing

now i have a very messy/sketchy style, my art isn't clean/professional, im just trying to make art as easy and fun as it can be! so over the years that makes colorpicking intuitive - i like picking a lot of neutral tones and contrasting them, like if i'm drawing orange and i want a blue/green i'll instead pick a desaturated orange and see how that looks, and leave all my random picks on the canvas for future inspo.

background -> fill in main shapes with colors that seem fun -> color over those with more specific picks

then i put it in photoshop and autotone/autocontrast my way to success

[butchhamlet]

hi it's me again im the anon who dropped about 800 words about ocd hamlet a couple weeks ago (maybe longer, time has been weird for me lately).. it made me soo happy to see it resonated with you and with some other people who reblogged it as well!! i've been projecting on hamlet ever since i read it and it feels like every time i read it i learn more about him AND me... and ever since Symptoms showed up he's been even dearer to me and im just so glad people like my interpretation as well :)

i hope it's ok for me to do this again because i want to talk about what if lady macbeth has ocd also. and i know this is sort of well. dangerous if that's the right word because 1) lady macbeth IS the villain in her play even if i love her from the bottom of my heart and i support everything she does and ocd is already an incredibly stigmatised and misunderstood 2) hand washing is possibly THE most stereotyped compulsion that sort of epitomises this really warped view of ocd in the public consciousness. i personally do not have handwashing as a compulsion or really any physical compulsions that are direct responses to my intrusive thoughts so i will try to be really really careful when im talking about this. + other disclaimers: again while i have definitely experienced symptoms of ocd i do not know if i have it and i am NOT diagnosed + ocd experiences are different for everyone + you cannot diagnose a character because they are not real + this one is mostly projection and is more a frame of reading than it is an interpretation grounded in textual evidence (esp since i will be talking about the sleepwalking asleep a LOT and she is technically, well. sleeping.) so just. take everything with a pinch of salt and please let me know if i ever overstep!!

im mainly going to be drawing on experiences close to real event ocd even though i know that typically real event ocd is defined by the fact that the sufferer blows their past mistakes way out of proportion and/or question their memories, and i guess i cannot say that lady macbeth’s guilt is completely unjustified because uh. she did kill a man.! but i do think her behaviours after the murder reflects what i’ve seen people speak about online as well as some of the experiences i’ve had. 

guilt as illness

this is more general to the whole play i guess but i wanted to point out how the consequences of the macbeths’ regicide is absolutely portrayed as a disease. there’s a LOT of foreshadowing in lady macbeth’s advice to her husband in the immediate aftermath of their murder: she tells him not to “think / so brain sickly of things”, and says, “these deeds must not be thought / after these ways so, it will make us mad”. (2.ii) the doctor later alludes to “infected minds” (5.i) in relation to lady macbeth’s madness. the fact that the fixation on guilt is seen as an illness i think fits so well with ocd: whenever im having a bad day with intrusive thoughts and mental spirals it genuinely feels like there is something festering in my brain like a parasite feeding on anxiety. 

guilt is also so intrinsically linked to sleep in macbeth: famously macbeth comes out of the king’s chamber ranting about how he may “sleep no more; macbeth doth murder sleep”, and lady macbeth’s obsession pours out of her when she is sleeping (and this is exactly why a doctor is called). i would argue that fucked up sleep is somewhat presented as an illness in ‘macbeth’ too; or if not, at least unnatural. this idea is all over act 2 scene ii (right after macbeth commits the murder) but i think it’s best epitomised in act 3 scene iv: “you lack the season of all natures, sleep.” (lady macbeth) season as in both night-season and seasoning/preservative. so sleep is both a natural part of life, and something that keeps things the way nature or god intended. the doctor says too that disturbed sleep is “a great perturbation in nature” (5.i). nightmares are DEFINITELY depicted as illness: macbeth says that they “sleep / in the affliction of these terrible dreams / that shake us nightly” (3.ii)

insomnia is highly associated with ocd since the obsessions/compulsions prevent sleep and sleep deprivation increases the commonality AND duration of obsession. if a significant portion of your day is spent devoted to obsessions/compulsions, there’s a chance they may become assimilated into intrusive dreams, since dreams are generally regarded as a way that the brain processes memories. thus, we can see that the way guilt in ‘macbeth’ is linked to disturbed sleep parallels how ocd is linked to sleep disorders. so not only is guilt itself an illness in ‘macbeth’, it links to other disorders too

2. withdrawal from dialogue

lady macbeth stops being on equal footing in terms of number of lines with macbeth after the murder. from act 3 she really only responds briefly to what macbeth says, and she’s not even in act 4. i sort of see that as her being dragged under her spiralling thoughts and retreating further and further back into her mind. i know i definitely zone out a LOT more on days where im being absolutely bombarded by intrusive thoughts. she’s definitely disoriented by the begining of act 3:

nought’s had, all's spent, where our desire is got without content. ’tis safer to be that which we destroy, than by destruction dwell in doubtful joy. (3.ii)

the whole soliloquy (if you can even call it that—it’s only 2 couplets) is riddled with paradoxes and confusing wording. her mind is completely scattered and it feels to me as if she’s just been arguing with herself. this might be reaching slightly (as if this entire post isnt kind of reaching already. sorry) but to me it kind of mirrors the absurd leaps of logic my intrusive thoughts and rumination can sometimes take: how can it be “safer” to be destroyed? how can “joy” be doubtful? it doesn’t make sense, and it’s confusing and frightening, but it feels absolutely real. (also note: as you’ve said before ocd is sometimes called the doubting disease. and lady macbeth calls her experience “doubtful”….

3. the mad scene

(disclaimer again i KNOW she is supposed to be asleep the entire time BUT i am going to. sort of. ignore that. sorry</3)

in the beginning of act 5 scene i, lady macbeth’s lady-in-waiting says,

since his majesty went into the field, I have seen her rise from her bed, throw her nightgown upon her, unlock her closet, take forth paper, fold it, write upon't, read it, afterwards seal it, and again return to bed — yet all this while in a most fast sleep.

i’ve never experienced physical compulsions myself, but this sort of repeated, methodical act matches how i’ve seen people describe them. the doctor specifically calls them “actual performances”, which suggest, i think, something mechanical and dictated in some way; “perform” is definitely a word i’ve seen people use to descrive carrying out compulsions. (do correct me if i’m wrong!)

then let’s look at lady macbeth’s actual speech:

out, damned spot, out, I say. — one, two — why, then, 'tis time to do't. — hell is murky. — fie, lord, fie, a soldier, and afeard! what need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account? yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?

the jumping around of her thoughts honestly feels exactly like my mind alternating between intrusive thoughts and desperately trying to justify why they aren’t true. she goes from reflecting on her debillitating guilt, to being anxious about going to hell, to replaying and checking her memories, to reassuring herself (and macbeth) that she won’t get caught, and then to thinking about her guilt again. it’s a rapid-fire, relentless cycle that continues throughout the scene. she’ll jump from reenacting a moment with her husband, to the obsessing over the blood on her hands, then back again. notably, in her address to macbeth, she never seems to be reenacting the exact same moment. she taunts him for his cowardice seemingly before the murder, then pleads with him, saying that “banquo cannot come out his grave”, then goes back to when they are fleeing the crime scene. i think this reflects the sort of distortion of memory that constant memory checking and ocd can cause. the moodswings and the flip-flopping between “everything’s fine” and “i’m going to hell” are also SO intense and honestly it’s exactly what it feels like on my worst days. 

in the entire scene, lady macbeth speaks in prose instead of verse: it’s obviously a sign of madness by itself, but i also think it reflects the complete loss of control she has over her thoughts and actions. in the beginning acts she is all about control: she demands “spirits / that tend on mortal thoughts” (1.v) to do her bidding, she tells macbeth to “leave all the rest to me” (1.v), and she tells him what to do at every moment. but at this point in the play she can’t stop the onslaught of regrets, guilt, and memories, and she can’t even control herself physically.

speaking of the elephant in the room: the excessive handwashing. i think of lady macbeth’s handwashing as less of a reaction to a genuine fear of contamination, but as something more akin to body-repetitive behaviours like skin-picking (dermatillomania) and hair-pulling (trichitillomania, which i think i have) which are associated with ocd.

i sort of headcanon lady macbeth to have absolutely horrible skin splits on her hands (<- this part is complete projection): and so following this interpretation, i think of her handwashing sort of as a form of self-flagellation because rubbing her hands continually will make the skin tear and bleed. (gore tw?) that, then, fits in with the blood on her hands: in her semi-conscious state she thinks it’s duncan’s, when it’s really hers.

i know that another common compulsion is counting: and lady macbeth does count (“one, two—’tis time to do it.”) one of the reasons people with ocd may count (and there are many reasons, this is not the be-all-end-all) is “attaching meaning to particular numbers where certain numbers will induce anxiety, while others will reduce anxiety. for example, if you assign special meaning to the number three, you might count your steps by threes, or lock and unlock your car three times before driving, or any variety of other action ruled by this magic number.” (<- quoted from nocd website)

i also know that repetition of words or phrases is another common compulsion. and these are lady macbeth's final lines:

to bed, to bed; there's knocking at the gate. come, come, come, come, give me your hand. what's done cannot be undone. — to bed, to bed, to bed.

4. her death

in your ocd hamlet post, you talked about how hamlet’s death is almost peaceful in his “silence”, and how horatio, despite knowing all his flaws and obsessions, believes wholeheartedly in his salvation. (that honestly means the world to me, by the way, so thank you.) the macbeths went through EVERYTHING together: the planning, the crime itself, the aftermath—it’s clear from their dialogue that at the beginning of their sufferings they saw each other go through sleeplessness, nightmares, and obsession. but over the course of the play, they completely fall apart. (i think the last time macbeth uses “we” to refer to the two of them is to say “we’ll to sleep” and “we are yet but young in deed”, which is the most ironic thing ever.) macbeth’s only response to lady macbeth’s death is “she should have died hereafter.” i honestly don’t know what that means in terms of the ocd reading, or in comparison with horatio's reaction to hamlet's death. i'd love to know what you think.

thanks for bearing with me!! i’m a bit less confident in this reading than i am for ocd hamlet, and it’s more likely i’ll get something wrong about ocd in this one, but sorry i just wanted to unleash this somewhere i hope that’s okay and genuinely please tell me if i say anything wrong or insensitive! i also typed this over 3 hours and went over the text as if this was a homework essay.....? and it is now almost 2am so i’m sorry if this isn’t coherent. i hope you’re having a wonderful day :)

hi same anon here i forgot to put this in but. i listened to verdi macbeth opera mad scene una macchia è qui tuttora the whole time i was writing that thing in case anyone would like to know...... i love it so so much my favourite video recording is by sylvia sass on youtube https://youtu.be/tP59Ox8MdQ4?feature=shared&t=319 AND there are full productions of the opera on youtube as well. thank you so much for reading!!!!

YES.... YES..... YESSSSSSSSSS I LOVE AN OCD LADY MACBETH... IT'S ABOUT THE GUILT IT'S ABOUT THE REPETITION DOES EVERYONE HEAR ME? TODAY WE ARE DOING GUILT AND REPETITION

i have had similar thoughts about the sort of inherent trickiness of it (oh, the lady who washes her hands a lot has ocd? whoa, totally original thought that has nothing to do with pop culture perception of ocd) (and also she did kill a man). but you really said it all with that ksdhfdksnfdsn. i will pitch in that i DO have handwashing compulsions and tbh. i personally think lady macbeth ocd reading is a net win even if it does trail a little close to stereotypes because if you dig even slightly deeper than "haha handwashing" it allows for an examination of ocd not just as an action but also as a manifestation of guilt and illness. which is SO macbeth. the body politic is sick the government is sick!!! again im taking the words right out of your mouth here this ask whips ass

shaking your hand on conceiving of ocd as something parasitical. really feels like there is some Thing up there feeding on my brain. (also on intrusive thought dreams. fucked upppppp like man leave me alone)

AND ON THAT NOTE i feel like even if she is asleep it can still be ocd. i say this with no medical training whatsoever and this isn't, like, me asserting that people actually do compulsions while asleep, but on a narrative level, the emotional processes happening to her character are petty clear even if she's sleepwalking, right. once again no medical training whatsoever

the jumping around of her thoughts honestly feels exactly like my mind alternating between intrusive thoughts and desperately trying to justify why they aren’t true. [...] the moodswings and the flip-flopping between “everything’s fine” and “i’m going to hell” are also SO intense and honestly it’s exactly what it feels like on my worst days.

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. the ugly intrusive thought -> self-reassurance -> self-reassurance makes it worse -> intrusive thought (harder and worse) spiral. and literally this is EXACTLY what it feels like. me when i accidentally say something rude and then i'm evil for three days. except she killed a man

i sort of headcanon lady macbeth to have absolutely horrible skin splits on her hands (<- this part is complete projection): and so following this interpretation, i think of her handwashing sort of as a form of self-flagellation because rubbing her hands continually will make the skin tear and bleed. (gore tw?) that, then, fits in with the blood on her hands: in her semi-conscious state she thinks it’s duncan’s, when it’s really hers.

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. ON AN ANALYTICAL LEVEL AND A PERSONAL LEVEL. LITERALLY THE LEAPS I CAN DO IN MY BEAUTIFUL MIND TO BE LIKE WOW IM JUST LIKE LADY MACBETH (BLOOD ON MY HANDS). YOU N ME BROTHER

and re: her death and the macbeths splintering apart. that is honestly the most painful part of this play for me, as a lover of evil couples and also of their specific dynamic. the fact that they mesh so well at the beginning (i mean, they argue, there's friction, but they're clearly on the same page--they enter their first shared scene both thinking the same thing and a lot of their communication is in implication) and then they just. fragment. and i think with the OCD ladymac reading it's even worse, because the thing about OCD at least in my experience is that. at some point the people around you stop being able to understand what the fuck your problem is. even when they're trying really hard. because it doesn't make any sense! the compulsions don't make logical sense the self-flagellation doesn't make any sense none of it is SOLVING anything but it also does make sense, To You, on a level you cannot really explain to people that don't Get It*. and so like. the macbeths are already breaking apart because of their responses to the murder, and this is just one more thing coming between them. she is trapped in a cage in her brain that he cannot see.

*(i think not infrequently about the overlap between OCD and psychosis; i haven't experienced psychosis and obviously there are major differences, but i relate a lot to what psychotic people have said about, like, the ability to hold multiple contradictory truths at once. my compulsions will not actually stop disasters from happening, but they also will. you could maybe pull in something about macbeth's parallel loss of control + his hallucinations? but i'm not diagnosing macbeth with psychosis necessarily i'm just saying words).

anyway, anon, i am always extremely impressed by your dedication to writing out quotes and coming armed with evidence, and also your analysis fucking bangs. this is such a good ask i need to frame it on the wall your mind is huge. i hope you have a wonderful day as well :)

[episodeoftv]

Round 1 of 6, Group 1 of 4

propaganda is under the cut (330 words) - may contain spoilers

summaries (pulled from imdb or wikis)

propaganda

Gossip Girl - 6.10 New York I Love You XOXO

In a fashionable farewell to remember, our favorite Upper East Siders join forces for one last soiree; The identity of Gossip Girl is finally revealed.

Chuck murders his uncle so the plot is that Chuck and Blair had to get married in a day and like flee the country. Whether you loved them or hated them, no one wanted them to get married in ten minutes on the street. Dan is revealed as Gossip Girl which makes ZERO sense because he sends tips to Gossip Girl and learns stuff from it ALL THE TIME. It’s literally impossible that he was Gossip Girl the whole time. There’s a timeskip and Dan and Serena are getting married, OH cause no one even cares that he’s Gossip Girl and has ruined their lives over and over, so Dan and Serena get married even though they haven’t been together since they were sixteen!! They don’t even like each other at all by season six. Everyone else’s ending is just tragic. Nate’s whole storyline in season one was hating that his life was planned and he’s going to end up like his dad, and he ends up exactly like his dad and he’s in politics despite showing zero interest in it before. Every character didn’t want to end up like their parents and DID by the end

The X-Files - 11.10 My Struggle IV

cw: people explode and get shot (non-gory, as I recall), character turns into a CGI monster for a few seconds

Mulder and Scully rush to find an on-the-run William while the Cigarette Smoking Man pushes forward with his ultimate plan.

1) This finale goes against everything X-Files by leaning way too hard into the supernatural. Scully is having visions; her kid, William, is exploding people with ESP; and the Cigarette-Smoking Man is back after having been exploded in a previous season finale. The Alex Jones comedy pastiche character (played by the Community guy) is somehow still here too. The series ends with William being set in stone as not Mulder’s son, but don’t worry, because Scully is pregnant by him anyway! Also William got shot and fell into a river but survived somehow, but CSM is definitely dead even though he got killed in the exact same way.

2) I can't believe Chris Carter knew Gillian Anderson wasn't going to come back & that this would be the last X-Files ever and he wrote...this

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Dead Plate (Part 1)

hello!! its been a while since ive posted but here i am!!! so this game is Dead Plate created by STUDIO INVESTIGRAVE

i had played one of their games before, Elevator Hitch, and i really really enjoyed it! so im very excited for this new game that theyve released

though, this game is probably really different from Elevator Hitch, because that game was a visual novel type of game while this one has restaurant tycoon gameplay

still, im very excited

i hope i can get all the endings today (but probably not) as always, spoilers under the cut!

i know its literally just the title screen BUT it looks very classy

also the music? its a bop like yo BellKalengar is the composer and sound designer and like yo!! amazing job its literally just the title screen and im amazed already LMFAO

alright then lets begin

lolol i like the way they named the buttons for doing the tutorial, skipping the tutorial or just leaving the game on auto progress time to show up at 5 am then

the art is really cute these characters are really cute too esp the protag

i know its just the tutorial but i am very nervous LOL doing service jobs make me nervous (even tho this is only a fictional one)

bro protag why did u skim the interview thing 😭 is that why u've had 28 jobs in 7 years 💀

ooh interesting the cooks have an order in which they cook meals i need to remember that

wow so theres a lot to do huh theres seating the customers, taking their orders, bringing those orders to the kitchen, serving the food, going to the cash register to take their payments, cleaning up the tables AND throwing out the trash its a lot more than i was expecting,,,, lol good luck to me i guess

so like fun fact im actually not that good at playing games LOL esp this kind of game where theres like people and they have like a happy meter kind of thing going on i wonder if any of the endings will be tied to how well we do during the work day ?? probably

also can i just say that the music is really good i like the kinda jazzy (is that the right word??) vibes going on

it makes me less nervous about serving customers since its very chill LOL

WHY IS THIS CUSTOMER HITTING ME WITH A HARD QUESTION

I HAVE NO IDEA IF WE HAVE TO-GO BOXES OR WHATEVR WHAT HUH ?????

there is a right answer and i have no idea what it is im gonna lose my mind please. ok well lets pick an answer

im gonna go 'no' since the restaurant has a strict menu that changes daily right? so maybe they wouldnt do to-go boxes or ordering ahead and stuff (RIGHT???)

oh phew ok i picked the right one

LOL the banter between the protag and the tutorial guy (i dont know his name)

??? what the hell this customer just left right as i got the food bro 😭😭 have some patience damn this aint a fast food place

now i have to throw away this perfectly good meal (sorry cooks)

oh no now the real game is starting uhh aight alright then lets go

ok so that was like only three customers, i did pretty well but the day's not over yet shdajhsdsakhj i feel like a disaster n it was only three customers LMAO

oh it was only 3 customers for day 1 nice (i got jumpscared by the sound effect for the day ending LFMAO)

ooh green onion rolls,,, it looks good damn now i want to eat LOL

BITCH YOU LIVE LIKE THIS?????? damn,,,,

the music for this area is pretty chill tho

THE BATHROOM IS FLOODING??? AGAIN ?!??! BRO ??? THATS DISGUSTING

the window has a horrible view its just another building

oho? she? who???

bro dont leave the dishes for later thats sooo gross

??? HOW DID YOU BURN CEREAL???? WHAT DID YOU EVEN DO ??

i am appalled at the protag's lifestyle i cant even

so he has not finished writing lyrics and love letters for this girl he mentioned earlier the game is not revealing her name and im wondering why hmm its very sus

sorry im laughing so hard??? its mostly empty except for some cans and the fucking green onion rolls im cackling?? they look so out of place in this fridge LMFAO

bro how are you so bad at cooking that you burnt food in the microwave??? what are you doing???

wait. is his bed the couch???? bro i feel so bad for this guy

he biked through the rain,,,,, and he thought doing it fast would dry him,,, in the rain,,,,, im starting to understand why he somehow managed to burn cereal

he doesnt own an umbrella

aww this is cute thanks boss

he LIVES here??? wow damn his apartment is upstairs thats very cool

LOL protag keep ur mouth shut

day 2 here we go

SHIT HELP I TOOK TOO LONG ONE OF THE CUSTOMERS LEFT NOOO im restarting jkdsljlds its a good thing i saved

ahh i did way better this time but the day ended right as i was about to take out the trash LOL

oooh those look tasty too

oops ok so like i started day 3 right

well i was like 'i'll take out the trash before serving any customers' so that i can just easily clean up the tables right

uhh but then suddenly this happened ??? so like protag dropped the bag and cut their finger and the boss is having an odd reaction to the sight of blood methinks

HTHE BOSS JUST SLAPPED HIM ??? WTF

bro he just slapped him then was like 'oh dw someone else will clean it up' hello???? you just slapped ???? me ???

ok then moving on to the rest of the day i guess??

kinda weird looking but it still looks appetizing (the magic of art LOL)

oh shit theres a magazine ?? oops im gonna go back and read through previous ones oh nevermind its just the same one lmao

ohhh so this is where i buy items ok aight

and this catalogue is how our protag knew about the job for a waiter it also has an interview with our boss (Chef Vincent Charbonneau, i finally know his name) about the low number of employees i was wondering why we were the only waiter in the restaurant and i guess thats why

ok i bought the rollerskates cuz i need to be faster for the customers

oh and u can interact w the telephone to call 'her' but she doesnt pick up oof

sorry what is happening right now

what is that weird squelching sound?!?!?

BRO?? WTF WAS THAT ??? so like his body felt itchy, pressed Z to scratch and then suddenly lines were all over his body and then knives came out and i am so very confused

i think that was just a dream but what a weird nightmare

i guess onto day 4 then ?? at least i have my sick new rollerskates now

ooh that looks tasty

man i think im too slow cuz the timer always runs out while one more customer is still around lmfao, oh well

oh shit another nightmare

ohh so i can only equip one item at a time hmmm well since i bought the watch anyways i guess i'll use it

PFFT A CUSTOMER LEFT SORRY LADY,, she was waiting to be seated but i was preoccupied with serving food oopsies

restarting the day then

the nightmare hmm is the protag's name Rody since thats what it says on the label

DAMNIT I TOOK TOO LONG AGAIN

ok im just gonna use the rollerskates this time

AGGHH I KEEP TAKING TOO LONG ON THIS ONE CUSTOMER

restarting again,,,,

should i just let it go? probably but im not going to

IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IVE RESTARTED SO MANY TIMES

ok well youve not seen it but i have restarted day 5 soo many times and i am hungry so,,, here's where i'll leave it for today

even though i am struggling and getting frustrated, im really enjoying the game so far! i wish i wasnt so terrible at playing it so i could see more of the story LOL

like what is up with the boss? who is this girl that the protag likes so much? what is up with his weird nightmares??? and will i ever be able to finish day 5 ?????

tune in next time LOL byebyeee

[nbmudkip]

does it have to be comissions?

- EmpError

- blessing

- infinitely gray

- sekai-chan and kafu-chan's errand

- spinal fluid explosion girl

- children record

- the entire concept of sbibo

- kimiagure mercy

- haikei doppelganger

oh my god the LIST. ok here goes

1. emperror

i did ex, for any songs with no difficulty mentioned i’ll probably default to mas unless the mas is 33+ in which case i’ll just pick whichever i feel like atm. this ex chart is rly solid imo i have fun with it. its my fave ex chart of the three tho dftm is close. the faster bits in this one keep me on my toes and i almost fucked a solid few of them up hence the greats. 6/10 fond memories

2. blessing

why did you do this. why did you make me play this. you know how i feel about this song and this chart already. i messed up because i was thinking too hard about how angry i was at you for making me play this fucking song. hitting you with sticks. 0/10 it sucked

3. infinitely grey

wow another stinker. listen i have a bit of positive bias towards this one since it was one of my first lv30 aps but yeah it’s not great. so repetitive and of such an annoying note pattern too. she gets a 3/10 for nostalgia for the good ol days and nothing else

4. sekai-chan and kafu-chan’s errand

u rly had to pick one of my weakest lv32s…..the chart is a blast tho i wont lie. am i good at it? no. but holy shit is it fun. tappytappytappy brain good. i love the fast flicks in every chorus altho the end of the final chorus is the bane of my existence. 7.5/10 delicious adrenaline rush

5. spinal fluid explosion girl

another of my much weaker 32s. please disregard the greats i shifted to resting my ipad on a blanket bc sitting cross legged was hurting my legs rly bad and i think its fucking up my mental offset. anyway the chart is a blast altho it can be a liiiiiittle irritating at certain parts. still the flicks are so fun esp the ones in the middle with the squiggle holds, and while the runs can be a bit annoying they’re also very rewarding to get right. 7/10 fun but a touch enraging

6. children record

i have been fc-1 on this song for literally two and a half years and that did not change tonight. SAD! fortunately the chart fucks hard and its hard to gamer rage when i’m having that much fun. 8.5/10 wheeee weeeee whweeeeeee ahahhaahah weee

7. the entire concept of sbibo

??? not a chart that is a whole little dude. um if she was a chart i have to assume itd be pretty banger and high energy. not sure what you wanted me to do here so i added some outfits instead. sbib/10

8. kimagure mercy

???? New mas ap hello????!? ERM. well im very pleased. anyway this chart FUCKS. this chart literally fucks so hard its not even funny. its insane. its so fun. makes you feel like GOD when you play it well which i am experiencing right now as we speak. im very happy rn if you cant tell ive been stuck on ap-1 on this chart for months. anyway chart good brain slush overall 9/10 i love you weird flick patterns

9. haikei doppelganger

THIS CHARTTTTTTT. GUHHHHHHHH u already know how much i love this chart it is SO!!!! FUN!!!!!!!! they space out the mid-speed runs and the superfast runs and the rhythmic pauses with each other so well and it’s just a breath of fresh air to play. one of the best charts in the game objectively and one of my favorites as well. fcing this for the first time can cheer one up from anything nd believe me i have firsthand experience with that. 10/10 this chart FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

and thus concludes your 8 mile long ask meme response hope you enjoyed

[odysseys-blood]

then, can you give us a list of games you recommend?

i sure can thank u for asking! i'll try to make it a bit more brief but under my top 4 i'll add a readmore with a longer list in case u wana read that and not the like. Odysseys Blood Introductory Game Pack.

so starting with the top picks:

1. The World Ends With You

i think a lot of people have a similar feeling about this game. you play as neku, recently deceased kid with no memories no friends and a whole lot of attitude and your main goal is to survive the reaper's game for 7 days to get a chance at living again. he trusts no one and believes in nothing but himself and being an extremely depressed middle schooler, i related to him but watching the way he changes over time and learns to open himself up. its kind of an eye-opener and i've seen the same though echoed through a lot of different people like me who wanted to really give up but this game does take you by the hand and oush you to try again. make connections. live and whileit may be a struggle its alright because you always have the option to keep going. also the ost is AMAZING and the art style is very unique and the story and characters captivate you so well. idk where id be without this game honestly. preferably if you do want to play its best to play the og on a ds (can be done w/ a hacked one) but if not its on switch and theres a sequel! which is ok but its not as great as original twewy

2. Tales of the Abyss

ToA (or tota as most ppl tag it but i stick with toa to match the tags for other tales games. which are also good esp vesperia i just wont add it to this list bc its already gonna be a long one). what stood out to me a lot with this game besides the main cast who i love to bits, is its theme on religion actually. when i first played toa i was still in the church and the main theme of religion in toa can be boiled down to devotion is all fine and good, but don't let it rule your life. the fate that is written out for you doesn't rule you, you make your own choices. even if they seem futile, you still don't have to take your fate sitting down you can kick and scream and fight as much as you want towards another path if that truly is what you desire. and that resonated with me heavily. this one's a little more crunchy looking from its age but i still really like the graphics (and i played on 3ds lol) and the environments in tales games are all so stellar its such a good game. and oh my GOD the party interactions. tales games usually do really good at having main casts that are "6-8 people who have no business being stuck together but they are anyways" and i think the part for this one will always be my favorite. also last little bit but theres so much about identity in toa as well and the way the main character, luke, is written with his own struggles about feeling like his own person has gripped me to this day. ive heard this one is hard to find a physical copy of but like. again shoot me a message if u have a hacked 3ds

3. AI: The Somnium Files

i've been here since day ONE (not exactly but theres a youtube page for one of the characters they were using to drop some info before the game released and i was watching while that was still going so. close enough). i am obsessed with aitsf. my icon is even the main character (edited a bit and w/ stickers). this game doesn't have combat like the first to and is strictly a visual novel and i adore the way it explores the central theme of love, especially familial love and its many shapes and forms and how sometimes even through blood it just doesnt. exist. but that doesnt mean you dont deserve love. someone will be there to give it to you and if not you take it however you can. this is much more apparent in the left half of the game which to this day has made the mizuki route my favorite. this one's eveywhere (playstation, steam, switch) and goes on sale frequently on steam for like $7. this one also has a sequel which is pretty good but again i think the original is much better

4. Heaven Will Be Mine

honestly with how many people i see daily gushing over poetry and writing im surprised more dont play hwbm. its a space mecha visual novel set in the aftermath of a war where earth sent children to go fight an existential threat which may not have even existed and now all of those kids are adults who have grown up without the shackles of society on the earth which js funny enough, finally calling for them to come back. the writing is beautiful and fun to pick apart and if you're a fan of prose i definitely think you should give this one a try. double of you're lgbt in any way this game is good for its writing about queerness especially if you're trans. please play hwbm. this one's on steam and doesnt have a sequel game but the devs, worst girl games, also made We Know The Devil which i like less than hwbm but its still pretty good! that ones got gay religious trauma

continuing is just a list of more i like in no specific order. some of these may be a bit cringey but i like fun

Witch's Heart

listen i know theres some strange bias some ppl have gainst rpgmaker pixel games but like. 1) odd but ok 2) witch's heart is such a beatiful story i need you to throw whatever biases you may have abt pixel games RIGHT NOW. my header text comes from this game. it means everything to me. do you have a wish you would kill for? does your wish mean more to you than another's? how much will you let your selfishness control you. for a game that looks so silly it made me cry a lot. this one's free on vgperson's translated game list and theres still MORE BEING MADE. SO MUCH GAME. FOR FREE. LOOK AT ME. ITS FREE. and heartwrenching.

To The Moon/Finding Paradise/ Impostor Factory

this description is short but similarly a pixel game like the previous rec. its more understandably heavy considering you play as eva and neil who fulfill the wishes of the dying in their dreams. its sad. i cried. i cry a lot dont i? these r on steam

Just Shapes and Beats

a rhythm game this time! it's got a cute little story mode but it is just a dubstep rhythm bullet hell i like playing. did you know i was a dubstep fan in middle school well now you do and im sad skrillex is mid now. its on steam and switch. not a good pick however if you are sensitive to flashing lights or have epilepsy im sorry. i believe there are safe modes but i havent tested them myself to see how well they work

Paranormasight

paranormasight is a horror visual novel illustrated by gen kobayashi who, if you can tell from the linework on the sprites and in the portraits and what have you, illustrated for twewy. i'll be real i was ready to screan and cry 30 minutes in but its not actually that scary im just a wimp. this one could be seen in a similar vein with witch's heart in the idea of: what would you do to fulfill your greatest wish. how many people would you kill. because you will be killing. on steam and switch.

Bustafellows

for being an otome bustafellows rly got me. while being an otome it is still plenty silly but heavy with fun characters. also i think this is the first time ive really liked an otome mc they tend to be very waify and kinda annoyingly written tbh but teuta is a VERY fun character and not at all a stand in for a self insert. or at least she isnt good at being a self insert which is fine to me because i love a main character that has their own personality. a guy dies like 10 minutes in. this ones on steam

Mamiya

i seem to like a lot of visual novel games with time loops and dead main characters and this is another one. very dark but i love it to bits. also this one requires a warning list i haven't seen anywhere but i made one myself here. its on steam

IVE RUN OUT OF PICTURES. SO I CANT ADD ANYMORE BUT QUICK LIST YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK UP MORE OR JUST ASK ME ABT ANY OF THESE:

Lethal League Blaze

Hatoful Boyfriend

Fallen Hero: Rebirth (and its sequel Retribution)

Code Vein

shout out also to What in Hell is Bad. not for kids at all this one is explicitly 18+ but for being a goofy eroge otome it has. gripped my by the nuts and it has not let go. ive only been playing like a month help.

[kingprinceleo]

Playlist anon-

Np it was super fun to do and I'd LOVE to look through you're other playlists (totally not shaking in terribly concealed excitement) :)

I'm getting back into Set it Off thanks to you (haven't listened since early highschool) and I'm putting the playlist on loop

You created a monster, moon trance and another song weren't listed or playing in the YouTube app but I could see them when using the chrome link you shared so I just looked them up separately.

I haven't really seen much lore on Amy or Eggman yet so they kinda blindsided me in the analysis 😅 but I'm looking forward to the dessert vampire playlist especially because the vibes scratched itches I didn't know I had

You're one of the first creators I followed when I joined the fandom last year so it's really an honor that you like me analysis🙏🏽

(Is it okay if I message you privately no pressure of course love your blog all the same <3)

Have a good timezone (glad my thoughts weren't too rambly for you)

~🩸🎵

awwww yisss >:DDDDDD set it off is so fun!!! they are dropping a new song in a few days <333 https://youtu.be/3Acv1hRI6RA?si=TsaCSeTYcDwJ8CB3 set it off song that is LITERALLY just sonic the hedgehog ^^^^^^^^ ohhhh!!! ok this is really helpful to know actually! ive lost so many songs to youtube hiding them </3 yeahhh, ive kinda been more reserved on lore dropping bc i feel bad when people get attached to an idea and i overwrite it entirely </3 (there are also some spoilers i dont wanna casually bring up!) unfortunately there are only 3 desert vampire au songs ! but 1 one them bangs so unbelievably hard ive dubbed it the theme of the whole au (its Stampede, rouge and shadows dynamic esp with the part where the instruments are like. 'talking' to each other) and wahhh ty!! 🥺🥺 and tysm for taking the time to go thru the playlist !!! i love hearing thoughts about it.. (n yeah it should be all chill !!) you too!! (not at all i loved them :]]]]) here are the others!! (happy auau doesnt have one the poor thing </3) Desert Vampires (welcome to the circus is the weakest and least accurate song there but it has a vibe to it i wanna see if i can find elsewhere)- https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvaIqf9XfBFPrqxwm8jhQkSPC8DaTGvCt

Fire n Water-https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvaIqf9XfBFM0qBfqckSVmxvWtzAQ2Ru3 1000 Years Bound (LONGEST)-https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvaIqf9XfBFNv6VjxNknUKxStdyez-HUI ^v^ eeee

[trixree]

Hey i just visited your blog after binge reading several of your star wars fics and saw you've got POTS + assorted chronic medical fuckery. My spouse has the unholy trinity of POTS/EDS/MCAS (featuring guest artist Migraines) and boy do i feel for you if your combo is even a little bit similar. Crossing my fingers for you that the neurologist is a good fit! They tend to have their shit together when it comes to dysautonomia (and hopefully know a lot of the good med combos). I'll also put in a recommendation for electrolyte drinks -- i think it's not uncommon for ppl with POTS to have electrolyte/salt deficiencies, and i know it's been helpful for my spouse to chug 20-30 oz of propel or re-lyte water every day. Compression garments (esp. tights) have also been helpful for POTS, but not always great for digestion if they go over the stomach. Medical grade compression starts at 20-30 mmHg.

For appetite stuff, since I'm not sure what the underlying cause is for you idk if this will be helpful/applicable, but when it's hard to convince your body to eat I'm generally in favor of just going for anything that sounds appetizing to you even if it means eating ice cream 3x a day :P if it's a nausea thing, though, spouse may have some better recommendations, and I'd be happy to ask or send you their way. Best wishes and take care!

Per my last post, I'm catching up on old Asks, AO3 comments, and messages received during my hiatus! (Psst, go do my Fanfic Poll) This is so so so sweet of you, thank you SO MUCH! I rambled on quite a lot below the cut about my health journey the past year re: POTS and GI stuff, in case folks are interested in how I've managed. Disclaimer that I am NOT a medical professional and this is absolutely not medical advice, these are just my experiences and things that have worked well for me.

First off, what a DELICIOUSLY FAMILIAR COMBO of things! I was told at my last immunology appointment that I "almost certainly" (his words, not mine) have EDS (my mom has it, too, and my hips are constantly popping out of place) but 1.) I can't afford to go get diagnosed (see: unemployment, medical trauma) and 2.) one of my friends has been stalled for MONTHS trying to get a clinical geneticist to confirm her EDS diagnosis because, apparently, there is a great deal of resistance to testing folks for EDS right now given the increased visbility of EDS patients on TikTok. My partner is in med school and we've had really long conversations about the so-called "TikTok Triad" (POTS, EDS, and gastroparesis - which are all conditions that are acutally linked together with the clinical data we have) and how it's impacting both how physicians practice and the care that patients receive. This reddit thread is a good example of how this plays out, if you feel like braving reddit on this fine afternoon.

My neurologist is amazing and has done a lot to help me with my migraines... unfortunately the GI stuff is still kicking my ass. All of your recommendations are things that I've started doing over the last year to manage symptoms: my compression socks are my BESTEST FRIENDS and Drip Drop is my favorite electrolyte powder - they've got the best flavors imo and isn't as PAINFULLY SWEET as Liquid IV. I've also adopted a really high-salt diet. As far as appetite goes, my management strategy has been to smoke a lot of weed (I live somewhere where recreational use is thankfully legal, so it isn't difficult or unsafe to get ahold of it) but that's unfortunately expensive and can actually make persistent nausea and appetite loss WORSE over time (see canabis hyperemesis) so I've recently gone cold-turkey off of pot to see if I can manage the daily nausea and appetite loss with pharmaceuticals alone (namely phenergan). I'm seeing my GI in the next week and I'm going to lobby my ass off for a prescription appetite stimulant. I've lost a lot of weight in the last year (and I was already pretty small to begin with, so the weight loss has made my chronic pain a lot worse unfortunately) and I am a firm believer in following one's cravings in order to eat. I order a lot of take out and cycle through the same "safe" foods (usually some kind of cereal with soy milk, an Ensure protein shake if solids are an absolute no-go, and simple rice, potateos, and chicken works). The other night, my partner tried to entice me to eat an oreo ice cream sandwich during a bout of brutal nausea and I cried because I fucking love oreo ice cream but my body HATES having things inside of it <3 I've also found that excercise can SOMETIMES (not all of the time) help my appetite. I have a stationary bike and a basic set of weights at home. Stationary bike in particular is something I'd HUGELY recommend for anybody with POTS that deals with excercise intollerance. Sitting down to get my cardio is WAY BETTER than anything else I've tried in terms of how badly my symptoms get triggered. I'm also currently medicated for my POTS (I take ivabradine and it's made a big difference for my quality of life on the whole, especially with regards to the fatigue that having a constantly elevated heartrate will generate.)

I do appear to have some sort of motility problem (most likely IBS-C) and I'm taking medication for it that has HELPED, but not nearly enough. I poop more than once every twelve days now, which is awesome, but I'm still constantly nauseous more often than not (Zofran, Dramamine, and Phenergen are my bestest friends) and my appetite is nowhere to be found. Hopefully I can get my hands on some appetite stimulant. As for the nausea, I've been informed by my electro cardiologist that many, many POTS patients report diminished appetites and chronic, debilitating nausea, but that "the mechanism relating the two is unexplored and largely unknown." So basically he said, "that sounds ROUGH buddy. Good luck though!"

(Hence me sharing my strategies cause I know, colloquially, that lots of us are dealing with this.)

[sunnyapollonjabrigidotter]

Ok.. i cant help but meditate on & wonder how my spiritual journey, somewhat so, more like a roaming through a few religions, influenced me & changed me a lot...

Im from an Orthodox (non-practicant) Xtian family, but the religion never really made sense to me, since i became influenced by the baptist & j.w. way of thinking (esp on the idea of not having icons..). Nowadays im kinda curious on what i missed, still im sure that some/many things wont make sense to me.. but some will do, ig, in a way... (a video ive seen of a priest' wife & Orthodox educator that's Greek-American, made me think that (esp the vids on Phronima)... lol, got the spark & it vanished, cs ive much more to learn on Hellenismos, obviously.. but sth somewhat some(more than id like to be)times sth makes me seriously, or more so, melancolicly when thinking of it... mb its linked to some old memories ... mb linked to the times i used to go to monasteries... or even churchies (yeah, in fact memories do tend to get lovelier w time, if ofc they were not of some traumatic events which you still do remember, or just bad ones..).

One of my lovely memories of going in a church was while in a village i went for the 1st time, & probably last, w some friends... but then we were like some Buddhist monks, more zen, than any dogma... and there were no other ppl in the church, except mb one who entered at some moment, & the service lady & ith some other in service... we entered at a evening kind of church -in english s call that mass? - can i call it slujbă? A thing we call vichernia, by the time of the day its held on, as i said in evening...

I guess the good memories & community ties do help a bit, altho idk moldavians being that religious, esp not younger ones, not of my cycle (tho knew just a few)... but some i know do hold on the traditions, like i know a friend that does light a candle for her father who died many years ago, & does give for his soul/in his memory (we call it pomană, forgot the english term, but will remember to check). But overal, she uses logical reasoning more... on more that is on her soul...

What i liked in the past abt those other two xtian traditions ive been aquinted w through some ppl was that they followed (irronicly for me now, cs yey, im free of that said bad thing/sin mindset - which is def as the hebrew word means 'missing the point' of the religion..) the 2nd commandment, statement rather, of the decalogue... having no idols, & boy, the icons... i mean, it still somewhat perplexes me, i mean now im idolatrious, i pray to Apollo, n id like a close connection w other gods, but im more like meditating on them & what they represent- but still "if u play that game & it has rules, at least play to the rules, no? But well, traditions (of the oldest church, mind it) ... well, worshiping Jesus (& God is 1, but 3 in 1, hmm, curious, why not some hundedreds in one? 😁) is in itself considered idolatry for the ones who dont do it (jews, muslims, unitarian xtians like j.w.)

& later on fell in love w another -but now ig more w some ppl, & their somewhat openness, i sure didnt lie when i say, they know how to be fishers of men (but some/many wont change their religion cs they dont need or want/used w the old, n now i know its fine as long as it serves them.. n that after many months after i fell in love agn w the Baptist church, tho had many limitations, which weirdly now, i was more than willing to accept then... ah glad that my social fears kept me away of going to there in real life.. & have a bit way longer journey... (ill surely 'run' from strict dogmas as fast as i can from now on/stay away from it..) Ah & then there was another one, 7th day Adventist, there i liked their care & how they actually go by all the Bible (except the jewish traditions that were abolished at the cross, n why they'd keep them, they're not jews anws)... after which i cameback to my jewish understanding of things (that i did understand ofc..)

.......... ......... ........ ....... ....... ........

Anws in the end i could say this are a few reasons for me to get interested in dogma psychology or how's that called...

Agh so much to tell, my text is a porridge!

Ah, on the fact why they do venerate icons, well, more like the saints in them, but anws, (& weird, didnt Paul or what other apostle (+ an angel) say like.. dont bow to him, WHILE HE WAS ALIVE??!! - but anws, i got this answer in a message, from another friend, from Romania. Basicly they said: it comes from a period in the OT times, noted there, ith it was while in the dessert... they were bowing at a REPRESENTATION OF GOD... sth w a depiction of cheruvims if i dont mistake, - ith the Ark of the Convenant? That which was stolen few times by the enemy & they're let by God cs the faith of Israelites was shrinking haaard xD... & that is the reason i remember, if i understood it well...

Yet another who said in an answer to a post, icons are not just pieces of art, no idolatry items, just dk what... & sent a pdf to prove it, from which i understood exactly nothing...

Yep, so interesting... & im somewhat still drawn to these like a fly to some sh*t...

Edit: ok, checked

Slujbă is mass (idk why to call it so if there was not a mass of ppl, but def a mass of religious songs, some weight it had...)

& pomană is alms

& ofc ones religion & believes are some deeply personal things, so i couldnt know of the believes of others esp if i didnt ask nor spend that much time w them to know of those... but on one of my mother's older friend i do remember... - how i could forget when she used to tell me on things related, & gave me a book with akatists, could i?? - i read from it just once or twice.. omy, at a time i thought seriously to read, but just cs i was going through some sort of treatments 4 mb treat my burnt disease (i was wearing a t-shirt that ith wasnt mine that was previously soaked in ogyasma, nice :D, & was ofc deeply influenced by the situation & by the person who gifted me that blue hardcovered book.. hm, wondering where i put it...

Anws, felt like studying more on hellenismos buy know its in plans to go somewhere today so...

Oh.. the dawn...

Hi Apollo 😊

Have a Good Sunday Everyone, & A Good Everyday ^^

[lostacelonnie]

Totally understandable ive been dealin with long work & other stuff so i feel ya. My energy levels have been all over the place. Ooh have fun in alicante! Right? Like hey im here sorry ive just been havin a time. Love discord. Hell yeah good times with good friends is always phenomenal news. Oh? Kudos for that there should be a badge for not having gulls try to steal your food. Australian magpies are notoriously asshole birds there's a whole chunk of time called swooping season where they get so vicious that mail people have to wear thick helmets to protect their head. Theres like. So much to learn in history & having adhd makes it hard so i have to pair it with like. A podcast or something to focus but it has grown on me recently too. Wish i could say the same of geography. Cool teachers are the lifeblood of learning i had so many cool science teachers. Thanks! Wolfie & kafka are my other goals of characters to get where i dont have them. Ive just been trying to catch up on the story & finally finished the luofu story. Building characters for me is just yeah this works i dont focus so hard on it anymore. No time for all that. I used arctic fox purple dye which allowed me to not have to bleach my hair so maybe thats an option? Im so ready for furina i have like. 335 wishes ready. I like team building in star rail its more. Relaxed than in genshin it feels like. Pela stays because her debuff is so helpful especially on the luofu. Bye pesky mara struck revival buff. May the courage to wear your choker in public come to you. I have & get compliments when i do. & may the future bring still easy exams for you

thankies ajskdglskjf as you can see it happened Again. ahhhh. school. AND THANK YOU IT WAS EXTREMELY FUN!!!! much better than my first trip there. got to eat SO much spanish food and omg i love all of it. not a single dish i disliked. plus i got to get my needed dose of the sea again! much more than my needed dose, in fact. we went to the beach EVERY EVENING. ive never been by the sea at night b4 and its such an awesome experience...... esp with the besties........... BUT AHEM. ANYWAY. YEAH DISCORD REALLY IS GREAT IN THAT WAY. and thank you o7 i also managed to avoid being robbed by them this time, despite the fact i was literally eating a salami sandwich next to an entire SWARM. every day i thank my luck for that. AND OH GOOD LORD????? HELMETS????? friendliest australian animal i guess 😭😭and ahhhhhh i feel you on that. luckily being diagnosed with the 'tism makes it so that teachers are obligated to let me draw during lessons so at least thats nice. and tbh with geography its funny cos like. i dont really Care about it but 1. its probs one of the easiest extensions and 2. i have an epic prof so i ended up liking it quite a lot as well. AND FOR REALLLLL tha AMOUNT of subjects ive never had a solid opinion on bc of how dependent it is on the teacher. for example my current teacher somehow managed to make me like PE. which feels illegal and yet. anyway, moving on! GOOD LUCK ON GETTING THEMMMMM wolfie has never left my team since i got her. shes op. the luofu story was so good................ tbh i dont rlly know what going on in hsr rn since i for real havent logged in since the release of luofu's last act and am not really planning to but Oh Well. i treat building chars the same way tbh [other than in honkai where i Do actually try to get good gear], i usually dont bother doing anything with my chars if im not outright struggling. not worth my time. AND AHHHHH THATS SO EPIC....... im still hovering around 175 since i havent really played recently but ahhhhh im hyped. and yeah i agree, i feel like its. Easier. to get a good team in hsr than in genshin, not to mention building it. since in genshin a lot of teams are dependent on 5* like raiden for example. who i Do Not Have, by the way. maybe one day. yeah pela IS great omg. AND THANKIES!!!! THE MOMENT I GET EVEN MARGINALLY MORE CONFIDENT ITS OVER FOR EVERYONE. and, once again thx o7!! i managed to get 100% on a chemistry short test so im gonna treat that as a good sign

[angabby-zzz]

ok back on this point since i think i can make an okay thread on this now....

so ive mentioned the update about angel moving schools very early into elementary. tbh i dont have any idea for where specifically he went but it wasnt a very major move ig? (like this is all in the same state and like. city 👍)

and that isnt like very important on its own ig. like he was a pretty normal kid those first 2 yrs. like hes always been quiet and kinda shy but like. hes literally just 5 years old its ok. probably did have 1 friend or person he hung around with but the bond wasnt so strong since everyone kinda just knew each other or yk

but then jonah came along. and idrk what happened but basically they moved and ines n jonah were part of his family even more than before. or something. anyway yk. new school. hes like still shy and even more so cuz hes going to a new school. but its not bad. he would have a friend in 1st grade eventually but they split up. same thing happened in 2nd grade. either cuz of switching schools or being held back. but idk it was cool he didnt totally fit in but also he was still included enough and had someone to play with

but then 3rd grade is where it got like. Bad. he had no friends. something weird was going on with his ability to stay awake and focused. which didnt help at all when he started to struggle with what they were learning in class. so idk like it was just Not his year. like yk it wasnt Super Mega Ultra bad like suddenly he cant stay up for more than a few minutes or anything but you could definitely tell smth was up. at first it was like kinda chalked up to be some kind of early bloomer thing. like some kind of shift with how much sleep he needs or smth. which like was alr. but the focus and struggling was different. he would ask his mom for help at home obvie but when she would recommend asking his teacher for help as well instead of waiting he would just nod along but like. not do that anyway whether it be cuz he was too anxious to or he just like. forgot that was an option in the moment ig. not rlly helping that he also feels like. bad about how hes doing yet cant figure out whats wrong with him [this is when his interest in drawing kinda kicks off cuz he doesnt rlly care for reading but he does want to make some kind of thing to be there for him when he needs cheering up or distraction]

anyway yeah that happens and nothings rlly improving and his teacher eventually is like yeah no hes just not showing a very good grasp on anything etc etc id recommend he repeat the grade. which is like very shocking to irene cuz she didnt think it was That bad. but anyway she takes this in2 consideration. and like she has this conversation with angel about what hes been goin thru n how he shouldve said more about it and whatever. so he finds out abt how he'll be redoing 3rd grade and hes like so sad. and like idk that happens. then irenes like also were gonna do a sleep study 2 c if like that can tell us anything

which it like. totally does and turns out hes hashtag narcoleptic. n yeah idk. except irenes too like idk. afraid to get him on any kinda meds since hes so young so they just like work on managing his sleep schedule n stuff n like figuring out ways to keep him not so distracted n everything esp for when school rolls around again

[i should also mention those symptoms from his adhd are like kinda just thought to be from his narcolepsy? like oh you cant focus in class. its cuz youre tired i bet. your hand eye coordination isnt that good. its probably cuz your brain is too tired to work properly like that. idk. like it kinda works out since hea got the less active side of adhd]

so then yeahh it does and angels like. stressed out cuz hes gotta get used to new people and like doing everything over again. but also hes gotta lock in. which is kinda hard when you think about that first bit again. but anyway yeah

the first few days are like whatever. cuz you dont rlly do any type of work anyway since its. the first few days. but idk he still doesnt talk to people that much cuz he isnt sure how to insert himself into conversations or friend groups. or when he Does try to say hi it never goes that far and he ends up sidelined by people. so he just kinda stays alone still. which is like. fine ig. like great. but like eventually he does get tired of it and hes like so sad. like it finally sets in ig. hes like alone somewhere at recess and he kinda just has a tiny crying session (which gabby happens to see but also shes busy playing with her friends and like doesnt wanna make anything awkward or make a scene so she just like leaves him be. however this bit onwards she totally does have him like under her eye. like its not rlly tht hard when you have the same class together but yk. maybe she makes a note of trying to get on his team during activities. or asking more questions about work in class when she notices him looking kinda down. idk)

so idk. maybe 2 or 3 weeks go by since the first day. and idk maybe gabby and her friends have some kind of breaking up over something? not rlly sure what but it totally does have gabby rethinking her friend choices since this seems to always happen with her. but then she like remembers like hey yk what. that quiet boy has no friends. and now i have no friends. its like worth a shot ig. like maybe itd work out better having a small group instead.

so yeah she just goes up to him and is like Um hey. whatr u drawing 🙂 and he gets all like shy about it like oh.....um ..... nothing...... idk...... and shes like oh cool. ok. can i sit here. and hes like sure.

so they both just like sit awkwardly in silence for a bit until gabbys like sooo whats ur name. and angel tells her his name. and shes like cool im gabriela. and hes like cool. and idk ig they start to talk abt stuff like Sooo umm r u new i like havent seen you around b4 (like as in b4 that year) and angels like ☹️ oh no i just like. had to redo the grade idk. im not new. been here since 1st. and gabbys like oh cool 👍 ive always gone here.

n idk what else they talk abt its like very icebreaker type stuff. but then they have to go back to class and gabbys like wanna walk w me :) and angels like sure yeah :)) n yk

pre-posting edit of sorts im like sure theres more i couldve written or whatever but im not working on this thing anymore bruh. hope i didnt make any mistakes cuz im not rereading this 😭😭😭

i think maybe gabbys problem in elementary was less of a "people didnt like her" thing and more just... she wasnt one of the most social or "popular" kids and was a pretty awkward girl even if she was kinda cheerful and nice to people. like she was just. there ig. if it werent for angel she prob wouldve just alternated best friends every year or something cuz she Could fit in with the cool people just not for that long

[ghostofazalea]

THANK YOU DRAGALIA OUR TIME TOGETHER WILL FOREVER BE CHERISHED

[ikyw-t]

kay im gonna try to have a good and productive day today so help me god

[endcant]

Hey, I hope ur well. I just found ur page searching about transitioning as a trans guy and singing, and I'm just curious to know if u still sing? And how it's going? I know of trans guys who can sing arguably better after T like noahfinnce and cavetown, but I'm just worried about it that's all. I haven't even started T yet cos I'm from the UK and our waiting lists are very long lol

hey there! i still sing, yeah. i have been taking a really low dose so really my range has honestly only drifted down like 5 or so semitones. i was a music major and ive sung with a lot of guys, trans and cis, and so i have a lot of thoughts on this topic. so i'm going to rant:

the biggest struggle ive noticed is a constant lack of familiarity with how each note feels in my voice day-to-day, since my voice is still actively changing. my solutions to this is are 1.) mostly singing accompanied (i play guitar, uke, and piano) so that i have a pitch reference, and 2.) recording all of my practicing

recording my practicing was something i was required to do in audiation classes in music school, but i only really did the bare minimum for my assignments because singing what was in my head was easier back when my range had been stable for years. practicing with recordings is more important than ever now because my voice is much more sensitive to strain than it used to be before i was on T. that means that if i sing the same thing over and over just to hear myself sing it, my voice will get tired and stop working VERY quickly. now when i practice, i record a run, and listen back a few times while making notes on my music sheet of what i need to fix before recording again. i also tend to avoid practicing at full volume if i have to practice the rhythm of a passage or something like that. sometimes i just speak a passage to get rhythm or pronunciation. anything to avoid singing too much or too hard while still singing enough to practice effectively. ALSO, my tongue and throat haven't been able to relax easily lately, so my warm-up is very different than it used to be to try to address that. my voice is still in the beginning part of changing, though, so what i've got going on is only part of the picture.

for a bit more of what's down the road, i have a lot of friends who are on T, a lot of whom ask me to assess their voice range (i was a music major and i guess they assume im the one to ask). the #1 thing ive noticed is that trans guys whose voice ranges drop significantly tend to get hung up on the fact that they can't sing the high notes they used to be able to sing, while ignoring the fact that they have access to an expanded lower register. i have some friends who have a lovely, rich baritone range, but they are really shy about singing that low because it's unfamiliar, and then they crack their voices struggling to sing notes that wouldve fallen within their former soprano range. ultimately, trans guys with their voice settled into a new range are just as capable of learning to utilize that range as anybody else, and the main block there is mental. a lot of us are just used to singing differently because we've been in a different range most of our lives, and the instinct is just to avoid singing to avoid sounding dumb, rather than practice and re-learn. also i think a lot of my transmasc friends (esp ex-sopranos) were way too pessimistic about how far their voice was capable of dropping, so they don't know what to do with themselves now that their voice change has exceeded their own expectations.

one thing that i think is important to remember is that cis guys have experienced a lot of the same struggles that transmascs on T have with their voices. i was a music major and we had some singing requirements for all music majors, even non-vocal majors, and it really seemed like the cis guys initially struggled a lot more with the basics of singing than the cis girls (and pre-T me) in the class. here are a few things that i gleaned from being in those classes and watching those guys learn to sing:

the biggest thing to consider, especially if you are a soprano before T, is that sopranos have a lot of notes in their range that resonate in their head. the difference between having a "proper head voice" and a falsetto high range is whether or not you're able to comfortably sing high notes that resonate in your sinuses most strongly. why is this a major consideration? when your voice drops and your most comfortable notes suddenly tend to resonate more in your throat and chest, that is WAY harder to hear than those high notes that buzz directly in your skull, especially in the details. going out of key is way more likely when you can barely hear what note you're singing compared to literally hearing your voice vibrating in your head while singing. my professors used to tell guys who struggled with staying on pitch to practice singing either with their hand in front of their face to direct the sound back to one of their ears, or with a piece of paper in front of their face. you could even practice singing to a bathroom wall or something like that. this has already become useful advice for me, since i can't hear the difference between my new lowest notes unless i'm either recording them or hearing the sound reflected off a surface.

another thing that my vocal instructor used to go on about a lot is that shoulder tension has a large effect on your chest voice. if, after your voice drops, you're keeping your shoulders tensed, you might not be able to sing all of the lower notes that your body is capable of producing. my vocal instructor used to tell some of the guys to literally practice singing while lying down??? i don't know if that solution actually helped with the shoulder tension, but the shoulder tension seemed like a real issue that was partially physical and partially psychological. ultimately, decent relaxed posture is something that is always important for singing no matter what your range is.

one more thing is that cis guys had their voices break and drop, too. whenever i or one of my transmasc-on-T friends struggles with singing, i point out that every cis guy who sings has had to deal with this too. it just happened while they were younger and every other guy around them was dealing with the same thing too. and, for them, it could've taken like 5-10 years. a lot of trans guys crank up the T as high as possible for as fast of a voice change as they can manage, and then they have a hard time adjusting to a voice change that only took 6 months or a year or even a couple years. it's gonna be hard to mentally adjust to a voice change when it happens so fast (relatively speaking), and when you're much more alone in dealing with it. all this is to say... yes, it takes a lot of effort to sound decent while singing during a voice change, and it is going to take a lot of effort to get used to that change once it's basically over, but it is something that is possible, since so many people sing despite having a changing voice. even cis women have their voices change over time.

to wrap this big long rant up, there is a lot of very speculative writing about the effects of T on the voice and the best way to retain vocal talent through the effects of T. some will say to avoid singing until your voice is done cooking, some will say that you should sing constantly to avoid losing range. my personal advice from where i'm at right now is that you should practice very gently, but sing as much as you need to to sound decent. having your voice slowly change on T is sort of like if you know how to play flute and every now and then someone replaces your flute with a very slightly larger and lower-toned flute. you don't even notice the change most days, but it makes you sound much shittier at flute if you don't practice before you perform, especially when compared to people who have had the same regular-sized flute for like 20 years.

whenever you get on T, just trust that it'll be fine, as long as you expect and accept that your voice is changing. sing if you want to sing, stop singing if it hurts, try to adjust your technique to minimize pain, and know that you'll be adjusting a lot more than you used to for awhile. it'll feel alien for a long time, but remember that one day your voice will settle into a range once again, and you'll be able to really get to know that new voice. and remember that most of singing well is just maintaining a good ear for pitch (something you can do by practicing any instrument btw), keeping healthy posture, and practicing enough to know what you sound like these days before you perform.

i'm sure everybody whos had T-induced voice changes will have their own opinions about this though, so don't take my word as gospel

[whispersofbees]

hey el! how are you? hopefully ur doing alr with school and such but anyways i had this idea of levi from obey me and a reader who was a kpop idol or something similar and how their relationship would play out 👀 idk i just think it's neat thought you would like it :)

hey anon! ty for the request! this was a lot of fun actually it was super cute to think about and write ^^ i did headcanons if that's ok! and i'm doing fine, studying for my ap exams and trying to catch up on work :) hopefully your day is going well and i hope you like the hcs <3

part ii. part iii. part iv. masterlist

leviathan x idol!reader headcanons

ok here we go !!!

you, y/n, also known as vega to your adoring fans, had just been enrolled in R.A.D.

who's vega, you might ask?

you're part of an idol group called galaxea and are the group's main vocalist and lead dancer (and resident moodmaker)

you and your members all have astrology related names and you chose yours, vega, after one of the brightest stars in the sky <3

your group is fairly popular amongst the 3 realms bc you guys are so super duper talented and very well rounded !!! there's nothing you guys can't do and you're always open to experimentation and trying new things which is part of the reason why your group is as popular as it is — you guys always come back better than before

anyways, bc galaxea is an extremely popular idol group amongst the 3 realms, your managers have special makeup designed for every member in your group

spoiler alert: it's magic

a charm was placed on them so that when you weren't wearing the personalized enchanted makeup, nobody would be able to recognize you as a celebrity

it's almost as if you exist as two separate people

tl;dr: nobody knows your actual identity

this is important both for keeping up appearances and to protect you guys' privacy :)

anyways !!! now that we have some backstory, let's continue

it's been a bit of time since you arrived in the devildom and you're steadily growing closer to the boys

they were all apprehensive about your arrival at the house of lamentation but all you had to do was like talk with and smile at them one (1) time and that was it they were pretty much whipped

except for one avatar of envy

this man istg

he probably hasn't had an actual genuine convo with anyone in awhile we all know this

so he's pretty awkward which is a given

he wouldn't admit it but he's actually really curious about you and your background but at the same time he doesn't want to come off as creepy or like a weird pathetic otaku with no social life who totally doesn't know how to talk to people normally

anyways!

he gives you space and just leaves you be for the most part

you two haven't really interacted, whenever you ended up passing each other in the hallways levi was glued to his phone or had his headphones on

to be completely honest, you felt a little nervous to talk to him since you've heard from his brothers that he can be very intense about his hobbies and interests but they won't actually say what they are, probably to let you find out yourself or to embarrass him later on

that, and you think he hates you. like a lot. he refuses to interact with you but in reality this boy is just super nervous :(

sometimes when you're just chilling wherever and drawing in your sketchbook he'll walk past and take a split second to peek and one time he swore he saw you drawing what looked like an idol that he recognized, but he speed walked too fast to tell who it was and now he doesn't wanna walk back because that would be really stupid and obvious and you'd totally find him gross and—

when levi snapped back to reality he was back in his room, probably having subconsciously walked there 

he internally groaned, scolding himself for being a coward

he seriously did want to talk to you !!! he just didn't know how :(

he was so nervous over what you might think about his interests (esp bc of how much he got made fun of for them) and he figured you'd enjoy spending time with his brothers better anyways

you were also facing the same dilemma ☠

levi was the only avatar you hadn't properly interacted with (besides belphie, but you didn't even know he existed yet </3). you were pretty close with the others at this point given how it's been a few weeks since you began your stay in the devildom and every time you tried talking to the purple haired boy he ignored you !!! and you didn't know if this was intentional or not or if he really was just that zoned out lmao

one day, however, you guys were finally forced to talk 😌

asmo had ordered a haul of skincare products off of akuzon at the same time levi placed a new manga order, so the avatar of lust asked you if you could go get it for him because it was pretty likely levi just picked up all the packages without reading the labels

"alright, but are you sure? he doesn't… hate me or anything, right?"

"WHAT? are you kidding me?" asmo practically screeched

he could literally see how obvious it was that levi wanted to talk to you but he was just being a stubborn little shit about it and it was physically killing asmo to watch it happen

"no no no. he's just nervous! that's how he normally is. he doesn't take to new people very well since he's pretty reserved, but i'm sure he'd love you once you guys actually had a convo! and if he doesn't, then at least i don't have to share you even more than i already do <3"

a small giggle escaped your lips before you thanked him and went off to go meet your doom

you tried to stay calm but really didn't know what to expect and just hoped for the best

you reached his door and took a breath before gently knocking on it

a few moments passed before you heard any semblance of sound.

"what's the password?"

you blinked in shock. you didn't expect there to be a password, and knowing how practically everyone was banned from levi's room, you figured that it would be useless to ask anyone else for help

so !!! you decided to ignore his statement <3

"um, levi? it's me. asmo asked me to go pick up something from you? i think you took one of his akuzon packages by accident"

levi started internally screaming

he literally almost dropped the controller he was holding

you were here ?! at his room ?!?!? NOW ?!?!?!?

how could he have been so stupid ???

he goes through an error 404 moment rq before rushing to pick up some things off of his floor bc jfc his room was a mess and he did not want you to see that

he grabbed the box he had set down by one of his shelves and stared at it

in all honesty, he had noticed it was addressed to asmodeus a little after he had unboxed his manga, but he really wanted to start reading it asap and felt too embarrassed to go and give the package back almost immediately after he entered his room 😭

he sighed and opened the door wide enough to slip the box through

he heard a quiet "thank you" from the other side before a tiny gasp sounded and his internal alarm started going haywire

he tried to close the door as quickly as possible but then he heard you say "is that an aquarium?"

he froze.

now what?

if he shut the door on you he'd be a jerk and you wouldn't ever talk to him again. on the other hand, he didn't know if you were,,, cultured,,, or not. he assumed you were a normie, but maybe, just maybe, he was wrong?

he sighed and opened the door a little wider for you to clearly see behind him

"yeah, it is. what about it?"

and the moment he saw your eyes light up in awe his heart stopped

later at night he'd shake it off, thinking he was just actually going insane, but he swore in that moment he felt his heart flutter (to his dismay and vast disapproval)

he didn't know what it was exactly but he felt something and that was bad enough as is in his opinion

and when you excitedly asked "is that a demon slayer poster?" as you noticed it hanging on one of his walls, he practically pulled you inside his room

"you — you know what it is?"

"oh, um… yeah! i loved the manga, it was amazing! who's your favourite character? mine are giyuu and nezuko (or whoever you prefer :)"

you could practically feel the excitement radiating off of him and your spirits started to lift

levi let you look around a little and while he didn't want to come off as too enthusiastic, internally he felt so, so happy that someone else shared his interests. now he just had to see how far he could stretch it

you made small comments and squealed excitedly when you recognized certain posters and figurines and asked questions about the ones you didn't know, to which levi would happily provide answers

you teased him a little for all the ruri-chan merch he owned, and the boy just scoffed in response, suddenly a little self conscious about them

and when you gushed about how pretty his room is and said "you're so lucky to be in here all the time!" he knew. that was it. he's done for.

him? lucky? he had never thought that about himself, ever.

and when you turned to look at him, he felt his face flush and he stuttered slightly from embarrassment as a response

he could only hope that the ambience in his room concealed some of the bright pink dusting his skin

you on the other hand?

the light from his aquarium made you glow like a million little stars, and your smile looked like the sun itself had manifested into a single human being

why you, of all people?

this was so stupid. he couldn't believe this was happening.

no wonder his brothers were so soft on you already

but then something caught your attention

there was a poster above his bed that had been hidden by the shadows so it was hard to notice unless you really stared at it for a few seconds after letting your eyes adjust

you decided to walk closer to it and felt your mind go blank.

that was you. as vega. on the poster. with your members.

and when you looked closer, there were aesthetic polaroids, photo cards, and notes with your song lyrics from your different albums surrounding it, like a collage.

while levi's anime merch was an organized chaos and cluttered his room, covering almost every available space, this was neat and meticulously placed.

you turned to him, surprised to see him wide eyed

however, all you got in response were nervous, incomprehensible stammers again

levi sighed before arranging his thoughts into actual words. "l-look, it's a little embarrassing, a guy stanning an idol group like this, but i can't help it! galaxea's music is so good, and the meanings of their songs are really poetic, and their performances are amazing, and their personalities are so genuine and fun, and they're only one of the biggest bands in all of the realms right now! can you blame me?"

hearing him say that made you want to start sobbing (ik i would 😭). he really thought that highly of your group? 

unsaid words lingered on the tip of your tongue. part of you wanted to see what would happen if you had told him that you were there on the poster, but you had a contract to honor and an identity to protect

besides, now that you were finally befriending levi, would he then only want to get closer to you because you were an idol he practically worshipped?

the odds were slim, but you had witnessed it too many times to take any chances

besides, messing with him and letting him figure it out himself would be a lot more entertaining 😌

it had been a few moments now, and levi was growing increasingly more embarrassed over his mini tangent. why did he say that? jfc levi way to go y/n definitely thinks you're weird now—

"you listen to them, too?"

and that was it, he might as well have fallen right there /j

/hj

not only were you actually into anime almost just as much as he was (and let's be honest, nobody will ever top his level of otakuness), but you had the same taste in music, too ???

he might as well be dreaming

needless to say, you guys ended up chilling a bit longer and talking about everything and anything you liked until you received a frantic text message from asmo asking about his precious skincare supplies 😭

you jumped up and quickly grabbed the box before apologizing, slightly embarrassed. rushing to get out the door to avoid even more of asmo's wrath, you added a hurried "sorry, i completely forgot about this! i hope asmo won't be mad… well, it was nice getting to talk to you for real! you're pretty cool, you know that? sorry again for this taking so long, i know you were probably busy! if you were playing something, let me know how it goes! anyways, i'll see you later :)"

and with a tiny wave and a small smile, you were gone

levi sat there on the floor, astounded

did that really just happen?

what the fuck

as soon as he knew you were out of earshot he started excitedly shouting and pumping his fist in the air. he actually talked to you !!! and you thought he was cool ??? him, of all people ??? oh my god what was he doing oh no what is this warm and fuzzy feeling make it go away

as for you, well, you expected to get scolded for taking an hour and a half, but you didn't expect asmo to tease you this badly

"huh, y/n. your cheeks sure are flushed! what type of blush do you use? wait, don't tell me…"

"asmo, wait—"

"oh my god what happened what did he do tell me everything"

"i-"

"you were gone for quite a long time, did he really talk that much~? or, judging by your reaction, did you do something el--"

"asmo."

"ok, ok, i get it,,, but i do need to know the details and please tell me you got a picture or video or something i desperately need new blackmail material"

"what?"

"what? i didn't say anything."

asmo never let levi live that down afterwards, yelling "simp" at him whenever they passed each other

where's the lie though 😭

on a different note, that night levi couldn't sleep.

sure, he deals with pretty rough insomnia (which is why he stays up all the time playing games and watching anime — it keeps him occupied and helps pass the time) but he literally was about to scream

his head was pounding. his thoughts were loud and chaotic, and he needed something to quiet it down before he officially lost his mind.

he instinctively looked up at the collage above him before connecting his headphones and shuffling the galaxea playlist he had made specifically for nights like these.

he felt embarrassed, but he kept replaying his interaction with you over and over and over again in his head, analyzing and committing the tiniest details to memory.

the way your hair fell, how you smiled, the sound of your laugh and the light, clear sound of your voice. your presence alone was comforting, and he hoped some of those feelings of safeness and security would stay a little longer just so that he could sleep. but something was… off.

he had never met you before, he was 1000% sure of it.

so then why did you seem so familiar?

talking to you was so much easier than he thought it would be. it felt natural. he was surprisingly relaxed just hanging out with you — any anxiety had almost completely disappeared in your presence.

you felt like sunlight, and even if he hadn't felt the warm rays on his skin in,,, a very long time, there was no other way to describe this feeling.

and he only got that fluffy, warm feeling when he was watching his comfort characters on screen and listening to idol groups he liked, specifically the one he was listening to right now

and as vega's crystalline voice rang out and sang "let's get lost at sea in these cold waves of the universe, as long as we're together, anywhere is home with you," he smiled, thinking that maybe a friend really is what he had been wanting all along. and as he was finally dozing off, he found himself eager for the next day to arrive — something he hadn't felt for as long as he could remember <3