#esp since im graduating next semester

[clarabowmp3]

OMG I MAJORED IN COMPUTER SCIENCE HIII

EEEEEE NO WAY OMGGGGG im DYINGGG in cs its been like what 6 weeks since uni started (i have midterms next week get me out of the country pls pls 😭😭😭) and its all so new??? Like recursive functions are so hard to write u literally have to reverse engineer smth that doesn’t even exist and I cannot for the LIFE of me do order of growth questions?? Why the fuck should I care about space time complexity 😒😒 i heard it gets better tho?

My sister (who also did cs btw!!! She went to the same uni and course as me, graduated last year hehe) says it’s just cuz the learning curve is so steep in the first semester of uni, esp since im competing with some ppl who alr have some other kind of educational qualification in computing or smth (which if u ask me is very UNFAIR 😭😭 by right they’re supposed to take this test to be exempt from this beginner module but some of them DONT so they breeze thru it and fuck up the bell curve for the rest of us but wtvvv I so don’t care (<— girl who cares a lot)) so im just. Idek what im doing anymore 😭

[hypmicdaydreams]

Glad you’re back! Your writings are always super cute. Not sure if your ten spots have been filled yet, but I would love to see some nice fluff of Rosho and his S/O stargazing and relaxing together out in nature. Rosho seems like the type of person who had an astronomy phase as a kid, lol.

!! he does seem like the type! i ran with that idea bc i found it v cute lol. hope you enjoy anon~ and super sorry for taking so long for getting around to this! regardless, thanks for requesting🧡

-pairing: rosho tsutsujimori x gn!reader

-genre: fluff

-word count: ~1.25k

“hm, do you know that star, rosho?” you point to a seemingly random spot in sky, among a myriad of other stars that all looked the same. truth be told, you couldn’t tell them apart, and you were teasing your boyfriend on that aspect. he knew so much about them, all the sorts of constellations and how to identify them, and you had wanted to trip him up.

“that’s part of the lyra constellation,” he responds, “i-i think.” he adds the last part with a soft mumble, looking off the side and awfully embarrassed.

“wha– how’d you even discern that?!” he seemed to only get a bit more shy at your answer, how bemused and im awe you sounded. it was a skill in and of itself to be able to differentiate them, and rosho was just so cool to be able to do so.

you look back up at the same spot, tilting your head to try and get a new angle. but yep, still the same, just as the hundreds of other stars around. “they all look the same to me..” you mumble with a pout.

“there’s the star up there,” he points up to a spot, but you can’t really quite tell. “that’s one of its stars and—” annd he’s lost you, all of a sudden. it was all the same, except maybe that one particular star was a little brighter than most.

rosho was certainly just too good at this, you conclude, and you can’t help but wonder how he knew so much about it. well, math was a part of astrology, right? (or was that astronomy…). but it was also interesting to hear him go on about it, especially when he knew so much.

perhaps it was the bias of rosho being your boyfriend, but you always did find a cute fascination with him telling you about the countless constellations and stars of the night sky; he sounded a bit excited, though it was subtle, and you could never miss the the slight gleam in his eyes when he talked about it. it was just as fascinating to stare at him just as the subject matter was, to be honest (and he catches you staring and scolds with a blush, asking if you were even listening at all).

he was the one that suggested the stargazing trip in the first place when you brought it up, taking you off to the osaka mountainside that you didn’t even know existed. osaka’s rather bright, after all, clad with all the bright neon lights at night that hid away the sky. but over here in the field, there were only a few scattered dim street lamps, and you could very well see the bright stars and moon above. this was quickly becoming one of your favorite places.

rosho had actually been here many times, or so he’d told. it was a common trip he took back as a kid and even in school or uni when he needed to clear his mind. and although it’d been a rather humid summer night, which wasnt too ideal, with the stray hairs sticking to your face, you’re rather glad that rosho had shared this sight with you. stars are always so calming, you had to admit, especially when far off with the rush of business in the osaka district.

this lone atmosphere was nice. there was nothing better than getting to spend a quiet night with your boyfriend in the osaka nature, especially when he gave commentary. it was relaxing, being able to view the stars, and it put your mind at ease in a way. getting away from the usual life was very much needed every once in a while.

“welll, how about that one?” you point to a random spot again, wondering if this time it’d be another constellation as well. though it had to be said, you admired how pretty they all looked in the dark night, especially as small wisps of clouds rolled by.

“that’s just a random star,” he sighs, and you can’t help but give a cheeky grin in return. they were all random stars, more or less, in your eyes anyway.

“how do you know so much anyway?” you lay down on the soft grass below

“um, y’know—” he’s a bit antsy, you could tell, which only makes you all the more curious. “as a kid, i actually had an astrology phase..”

and that softens your heart instantly.

“aww.”

“h-hey!” and he’s flustered again.

you can so imagine a little rosho studying the stars and space, truthfully, holding his book and spouting random facts. he seemed like the type, and the image of him perhaps doing a project about space was enough to melt you. how cute. maybe he even went to many observatories and had many stargazing treks back then as well; that’d certainly explain how he knew it all (and you’d be sure to ask for pictures next time).

“i used to study a lot, because of my parents and all, y’know,” he goes on, rubbing the nape of his neck. “and i used to love studying the night sky. i dunno, i think i just found it interesting.”

“how come you went into math instead?”

“i mean, i just fell out of it, i guess?”

there’s a hum from you and then silence. there really wasn’t much else to say, not when there was an amazing sight right before you. it was a comfortable quietness, really, the type you didn’t mind.

“then,” you sit up on the grass and play with a few sticky strands, “have you ever wished on a star before?”

rosho looks puzzled more than anything, wondering if you seriously just asked that question. everyone knew that was a child’s myth after all, not true in the slightest.

“do you really believe that, y/n?” he sounds done with you, but you know more than anyone that was far from the case.

“well, no,” you draw shapes in the grass and pout a bit, wanting your boyfriend to play along for once. he was oh so naive — but cute. “but it’s fun. and what if, one some off chance, it does come true?”

“then it’d be a coincidence.”

ah, you give up convincing your boyfriend. rosho was a bit of a hard-head after all, perhaps a bit oblivious as to what you wanted.

“well, you should just try.” he looks at you like you’re crazy, but you know him very well. he’d give in, like always, and wish on one. rosho very much liked to put on a front, you could tell, like a tsundere almost.

and you two pick some random star and wish on it. it wasn’t a shooting star, certainly, but this would make do. it was silly after all, making wishes on stars that were oh so far away.

“what’d you wish for?” rosho asks not long after. he didn’t necessarily wish for anything,or so he’d tell you if you asked. in reality, he did, though rosho would never say. it was a bit embarrassing in his eyes.

“i can’t tell you that! haven’t you heard? tell someone your wish, and it won’t come true.” and you wink at rosho, only laughing when he shakes his head at how childish you sound. it was a secret first and foremost.

but, well, perhaps it’d be a little embarrassing to tell rosho what one of your wishes were — that you wished the two of you would have nights like this for a long time after.

[remarkable-ghost]

Me trying to figure out the reason I can’t get out of bed today

***if u know me irl pls just don’t address me on this. I literally have two other blogs, but one is aesthetic and the other is like big emo but also a particular aesthetic so BOO it’s going on my everything blog so BOO!

[whentherewerebicycles]

a question you may perhaps not want to/feel like answer/ing but: did you ever want to drop out of your grad program? im definitely overwhelmed by my workload, but i just cannot muster the enthusiasm i had for any of my work even in my last year of undergrad. im just very much questioning why im here and what the point of this degree is lol. im wondering what others' experiences are with this since this doesnt seem to be a popular opinion among my cohort despite other shared frustrations

i did not ever want to drop out of my grad program, but i think that's because my program was very flexible (read: very little real advising lol) and my discipline (english) was capacious enough to let me explore lots of different interests, so if i wasn't thrilled by one area of research it was easy to jump to something new. i also loved teaching so much, and knew that i wanted to keep teaching at the university level for as long as possible, which i would need my graduate degree to do. so i was highly motivated to keep going, and also was able to tailor the program to do what i wanted to do.

it sounds like your situation is pretty different than mine, though. if you were already not that thrilled about the discipline, it totally makes sense that you'd be having a really different experience of the grad program than your peers -- so i wouldn't necessarily let their opinions of the program influence your own (it may be very well matched to their interests and long-term goals, in a way it isn't for you). also i do think that to a certain extent graduate students have to like, brainwash themselves into being like This Is Great And Useful I Am So Glad To Be Here because so much of graduate education in this country (esp if you are in a humanities discipline) is really quite badly taught, horribly structured, and just, like, idk not a great space for meaningful learning. (people definitely can and do make the best of it -- and some people get lucky with fantastic advisors or a really well designed program -- but that seems to be the exception and not the rule.) so your peers' sense of "i don't want to drop out!" might be partly like, they gotta convince themselves to stay in (because they need the degree, or because they've sunk money and time into it, or whatever), so they need to not let that be an option for them.

i think my advice to you (if you want it!) is to ask yourself the following questions:

do i need this degree in order to have the job or career that i want?

would having this degree help me get a job or career i want in the future, even if it's not the immediate next step for me? (ie would it be useful to have this degree in my back pocket even if i can't see immediate direct application for it)

can i get something from this program (like intensive language courses) that will make it worth sticking things out, even if i kinda hate all the other stuff? how much can i phone in the stuff i'm not interested in, and will that take some of the pressure off to let me focus in on the parts i am interested in?

would remaining in this program significantly affect my mental health? am i actively miserable to the point that the short-term costs are more than any potential, hazy, far-off rewards?

have i sunk a lot of money into this already? how much more money will i have to sink into this before all is said and done? am i okay with giving up the money i may have already committed to this program, knowing that i'll be walking away without a degree? alternately, if i decide to stay: will spending more money on this program dig me into a financial hole (taking out student loans, burning through savings, etc) -- and will any job i might get because of this degree be worth taking on that extra financial strain?

if i decide to stay, is it possible for me to make this degree work for me, even if the discipline itself isn't one i'm interested in? for instance, my doctoral program let you take one course a semester outside of your department -- so if you really hated english, you could take classes in another field you did like. you might be able to do something similar, depending on how strict their requirements are. or you might be able to switch advisors to someone whose work/advising style/interests are a better fit for your interests. or you might be able to tailor your master's thesis (and even most of your graduate seminar papers and projects) towards a topic you are interested in. most professors actively encourage you to make the assignments "work for you," so you might consider having a frank conversation with them about your dissatisfaction with the discipline (obviously politely, lol, don't tell them you hate the thing they've devoted their lives to) just to see if they can help you envision ways to do work that is more aligned with your interests and long-term career goals. i know that those conversations can sometimes feel awkward to have -- but if the answer is no, or if there's no flexibility in your master's program at all to explore other interests, that might make your decision to stay or leave quite a bit easier (and who cares what they think of you if you go!).

the last thing I’ll say is: it sounds like your dissatisfaction is pretty rooted in the nature of the program and the discipline. but it might be worth asking yourself if you'd feel differently about the program if you weren't feeling overwhelmed by the workload, as you mentioned in your ask. sometimes that snowed-under feeling can make it harder to objectively assess your situation or how you're feeling about the program itself. those feelings of being unmotivated and burned out can often be a defense mechanism or an instinctive response to feeling overwhelmed—your brain's like, shut it all down!! shut down all the curiosity and interest and desire to do anything!! that may or may not apply in your situation, as it sounds like you were already having doubts about the program when you were deciding whether or not to accept their offer. but it’s just something to consider as you are thinking about your options.

hope this helps, and feel free to come back if i haven't quite answered your questions, or you have follow-up questions!

[thewonderingsorceress]

Urgent PSA- Threads & Activity

Let’s have a talk about my semester and the next year, because I really need people to hear me and understand wtf is happening. I randomly set this to post so it’s not directed towards everyone. (With everything with RBG I thought it’d be a good time to try and explain what’s been going on with me and how it’s not going to get better until a few months from now.) If you need to contact em please feel free to IM me I am online right now and will be for a while. 

SCHOOL THINGS & Activity

As most of you know I am a ‘grad’ student. As some of you know that field is law, so I am a law student, and this is my last year of school. I was hoping to have some time to go between and gets some replies done during  class like I normally did BUT there’s a few things with that.

First you need to understand I have clinic, which is where I am working as an attorney for the semester to get my experiential credit required to graduate. This requires a minimum of 20 hours a week.  Law school is hard to say the least and I put a lot of time into it, clinic and pandemic learning though are 2 completely different monsters. So for clinic I have been working a 40 hour week PLUS being a full time student because my problem I am working on with my client is “novel and complex” to the clinic aka the clinic has never done anything like this and its super complicated even for my faculty advisor. I am literally in tears most days from the sheer amount of stress and my faculty advisor not wanting to help.

Then with pandemic learning I have teachers who do not want to teach, and are giving us the bulk of the work to teach ourselves and if we can’t we basically fail the class because we can’t answer questions in class (Zoom) because if we can’t answer the questions they will mark us as absent even when we’re not and fail us that way. My 2 credit class it also treating the class like a 4 credit class.

I have to take decent notes because I am working as a note taker for the extra cash.

I also found out I didn’t get the grade I needed for an exam by 2 points and have to retake it late October and study while moving and class things.

Now my school is also talking about being online in spring again, while trying to raise tuition because they are bankrupt. 

I also have to study for the bar this year and idk what my schedule will be like until after that is taken. 

Needless to say I stressed from school alone but there’s more.

Home Life & Moving

TW: abuse & suicidal ideation  in this section skip down to Roleplaying

So as some, though very few may know I live in a very abusive home. It is mostly mental and emotional but recently since the BLM movement becoming more active and the pandemic it’s become more physical because I don’t believe in anything my parents believe, and I am LGBQ+. So I took out money from my school and am moving in the middle of the semester when papers are due, exams are given and right before my retake. My mom is trying to keep my cat at home with her and saying its just as much hers as he is mine- I pay for everything though. So I am worried she’s going to call ASPCA on me bc I am “abusing” the cat by moving him with me.

My family has only gotten worse and I need out I am so gd tired and this quarantine has been for nothing bc people like my mom carry the virus and don’t wear a mas or anything. I have become suicidal over the past few months and struggle to just live every day- obv school has not helped with that.

Political

TW political things

I am in the US and at this point I am pretty positive that Trump is going to win just based off the trial run of McConnel’s voting day and what they are doing to try and suppress votes. This is terrifying for me and my friends for many reason. (and now with RBG gone, RIP, he will take over majority of the supreme court) and my parents literally think he is jesus christ incarnate so I am not safe where I am esp since my parents recently bought guns to “fight against the civil unrest” that’s all I am going to say about this but I am sure ppl understand how that is a lot.

ROLEPLAYING

Now why am I telling you all this when I’d rather yet myself off a roof than say anything.

a)      I still want to rp a lot, but that is very difficult right now. I am trying to save everything but my activity hasn’t been working.

b)     I would like to start some things on discord because that is what works best for me right now so if you’d like please let me know if you’d be willing to be discord things.

c)      There has been some passive aggressive comments about my activity and they aren’t appreciated and makes me want to be on here even less. Just stop. I don’t mind people asking about if I got a thread ( I appreciate it actually) or talking to me about things but when you say things like ‘oh you’ve posted for this person’ or alluded to that or something just stop. I don’t have the ability to be nice about this anymore I’ve gotten in on both of my accounts.

[kimjichim]

Expectations | 01

Summary: One night out is all you need to get your heart snatched. You can call him a friend, a fuckbuddy or the guy you’re currently seeing. The label doesn’t matter. That’s what you both agreed on and you’re okay with that; until you realised you weren’t.

Genre: College! AU, fluff???  idk sis but soon to be hella fluff n later angst n meybe smutty idk (just letting yall know)

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Word Count: 1,334 (hella short srry)

Warnings: none atm apart from swearing~~

A/N: hi bitches im back after 3 years mwahahaaaa. honestly, idk if any of yall even remember me but like this time round i actually wanna properly start writing more (esp cos its gonna help with my HSC) and ill have a lot more time from now on cos im graduating hs soon!!!! this story is lowkey based on smth that happened to me a few months ago but obvs with tweaks here n there. my writing is hella rusty so sorry if it’s dry. its not really a full chapter but i really wanted to release it before i throw it away like always yeet. i promise to release the next one soon~~~. if yall got any feedback, it would be much appreciated TTTT would you like a 3-4 chapter piece? or a slow burn series? lemme knowww cos i havent fully thought about what i wanna do with this story yet. hope yall like the intro thoughjgghg <3 <3

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You’re still not used to it. The loud music blasting into your ear from every corner of the street and the hoards of people that walk past. It’s a Friday night and you wanna let loose this holidays, especially since you just recently turned the legal age. You’re just as excited and nervous as the first time you’ve ever walked into a bar. The nagging thought of the bouncers not letting you in persists at the back of your mind. You present your ID and give them a small smile, all the while fidgeting with your fingers behind you. However, your worries are immediately washed away as they smile back and step aside to let you in. 

You walk in with Jinhee, one of your good friends who invited you out tonight to get you into the clubbing scene. Initially, you agreed in excitement and was looking forward to tonight for the whole week. But now that you’re here, you’re not so hyped anymore, especially now that you realise you have to introduce yourself to Jinhee’s friends. Meeting new people? While you’re sober? Nope, no thanks. 

Regardless, you stick closely behind Jinhee as she struts over to the bar and orders a few drinks while you scan the area, appreciating the chill vibe in the bar. People are generally huddled in their groups all erupting in laughter and talks. The girls look stunning in their outfits and the guys look clean and fit.

“Y/N. Here,” You turn your head to Jinhee while she hands you two drinks, “Gin and tonic. That’s your favourite, right?” 

You smirk and nod before you notice another two drinks in her hands. Why do we have so ma- 

“We’re starting off strong tonight, I want to be wasted when we get into the club.” She smirks. 

You scoff in disbelief, “You mean to say that these two will be all you need tonight, right? Lightweight.”

“Oh, shut up.” she retorts, “Come on, my friends are sitting on the other side.”

You follow her without a word and mentally prepare yourself for all the names you’re gonna have to remember for the night. Thankfully, the drinks kicked in faster than it usually did, allowing your social skills to skyrocket. The girls were all so nice and looked amazing in their outfits and the guys were really sweet as well. So many different conversations filled the circle and it was absolutely chaotic, but you didn’t mind it for some reason. 

“Hey guys, we should head to the other bar in the next block for another round. Heard it was really nice there.” One of the guys shouted. Taejun, was it?

“You really want to see those dancers, huh?” one shouted back, throwing his arm over his shoulders, instantly going for the choke-hold, “Taehyung, you horny motherfucker.” Oh fuck, wrong name. I must be drunk.

You pay no mind to it as the need to freshen yourself suddenly overcomes you as you stand from the stool. You decide to sober up a bit before you leave and grab onto Jinhee while everyone starts heading off.

“Jinhee, I’ll be in the bathroom. Wait for me before we leave, okay?” You ask.

She throws the okay sign while stumbling towards the entrance to catch up to everyone else.

“That bitch better not ditch me like last time.” You mumble to yourself, doubtful of Jinhee due to her intolerance to alcohol. 

Well, at least I’m having a good time. I haven’t had this much fun in awhile. You’re glad you came out and met some new people; you could really use some time to lighten yourself up from all that torture in the last semester. 

You step out of the bar, expecting Jinhee to jump out at you, nagging you for being too slow but she’s nowhere to be seen. You sigh in disappointment. Figured. You pull out your phone to call Jinhee but is stopped by a sudden invasion of personal space.

“Y/N, right? Let’s go, Jinhee said that everyone will be waiting at the next place.”

You look up at his face in confusion before you realise that he was one of Jinhee’s friends. 

“Oh shit, uhh, Taehyuk, right?” You ask while stumbling. Jesus, my tolerance must’ve gotten lower too, I can’t think straight.

“Hahaha, close. My name is Taehyung. Good try though.” He snickers.

Motherfu- 

“God dammit, I’m so sorry. I’m really bad with names,” You stammer, “especially when I’m drunk.”

“Don’t sweat it,” he smiles, “We’re all like that when we’re a bit tipsy.”

Wow, cute smile.

“We should probably start heading over to where everyone else is.”

You nod in approval and begin walking through the busy streets. The two of you maintain a good conversation along the way, getting to know each other and finding similar interests. Throughout the ten minute walk. You couldn’t get over how good looking this guy was. His sharp, dark eyes were so mesmerising. There was a cute mole on his tall nose and his lips were of a pretty pink. Not to mention his freaking hair. It looked like black silk shining against the lights. It was luscious and so soft-looking. I would do anything to run my hand through his hair right now. 

Unfortunately, your alone time with Taehyung came to an end as you finally met up with the rest of the group. You see Jinhee with her two bottles of soju, giving you the dirtiest look while being barely able to stand. You immediately walk over to her without much thought or any more exchange with Taehyung, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“This is for me, I assume?” You say with a glare, snatching the bottle out of her hand.

She ignores you and looks over your shoulder at Taehyung, which your eyes naturally follow.

“Already getting a hot one, huh?” She snickers.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t ditch me in the first place.” You grumble back.

“Your welcome.”

You sigh once again while downing a bit of the soju you stole from Jinhee and occasionally glance over to Taehyung. You two make eye contact from time to time and give a friendly smile but you don’t push for more. That small ten minute conversation was enough for you to constantly sneak glances at him. You’re not complaining though, he is really pleasing to look at. You feel like a child staring at a really expensive toy at the display window.

The night slowly moves on as you meet more and more people, all the while involuntarily having your eyes drawn to Taehyung, wherever he is; as if you have a radar on him this whole time. However, you don’t dwell on him for much longer than two seconds, allowing yourself to fully enjoy your night with your newly found friends.

The night was finally about to get started when Taehyung caught you glancing over at him once again. Reflexively, you smile but he doesn’t return the smile like he usually does. It throws you off guard and you freeze in shock before quickly turning your head back to the current conversation. You can feel your face and ears getting rapidly warmer. Shortly after, you feel a presence behind you and hear a deep voice call out your name.

“Y/N?” It’s Taehyung. You turn around. “We’re heading off to the club now, you wanna join us?”

“Uhh-” You immediately look towards Jinhee to ask if everyone was ready to leave before you get cut off by her loud voice.

“C’mon everyone! It’s time to hit the club, let’s go!!” Jinhee exclains to group while shuffling everyone towards the exit and gives you a small wink. That sly fox. You think in amusement.

“Alright, shall we head?” Taehyung asks while he cocks his head to the side.

You simply nod and follow him. Maybe it’s because of the alcohol in your system but you can’t seem to control your excitement at the possible opportunities that could follow tonight.

[daeguzen]

yooo thank you for your beautiful words T^TT i think very lowly of myself all the time and am surprised that my friends still stood by my side T^TT (not many, but they always see the good things in me and change my perspective when i doubt myself, so im really grateful to have known them T^TT)

aaand on the dating part!! im 24 now but ive never dated in my life 🤣 one friend said: "you just...don't seem like you're looking for it" and im like yeah, that's partially true😅 but the core reason is that ive never met someone that i seriously wanna be in a relationship with (crushes yes, but i tend to picture things in the long run and if i don't see a far future together, then my answer is always no). esp after graduating uni, i don't even think about wanting to be in a relationship anymore.. life has already consumed all of my energy and my heart is kinda numb now 😭 I'm so sorry for such a depressing rant 😭 you're still SO young and you deserve to pursue all that makes you happy and live the best life ❤️❤️ i really miss being 19~21 bc i met my bestest friends during this period and grew a lot :) I'm sure you're in one of your most amazing adulthood years now ❤️

ooh and how long will you be a substitute teacher for? do you need to teacher them the actual syllabus if the teacher is absent for some time? 😆

<3 <3 in this house we only spread positivity :) people aren't perfect by nature, so i think it's good that you have your friends because they accept you for who you are and aww that's sweet, i love that for you.

woah ~ it's so strange meeting people older than me because i feel very young and i look like it too lol i haven't aged much since beginnings of high school. i thank my dads genes for that LOL. so i feel like...im still a child when talking to older people but i've been told i have an old soul aha. and yeah i completely understand that, i don't have many friends but that's ok because i think it's comfortable sharing with a few people than a lot. i think romantic feelings would develop with someone i would know a little better and talk to often. romance is weird, it functions differently for anyone.

that's just what happens as you get older. when you're young everything is fun and games and you just go to school and do what your told. as you get older you have to set these things up for yourself, focus on finding a stable and decent income to keep yourself surviving in such a fast paced world. some situations are different than others so i love that you focus on what you need to do. romance is something that shouldn't and doesn't have to be rushed. and nah it isn't depressing it's interesting to read and interact with other people. your lifestyle seems kinda chill to be honest, especially from the way that you talk, i get chill vibes :D

awww ^~^ thank you, i shall try my best to pursue what i enjoy, i think a life full of art, fashion, and music, is beautiful. it's fun and refreshing for me. and to those who go into medical school, social work, teaching, and so much more have decided on career paths that contribute a lot to helping other people on a more personal level and i think that too is greatly respectable. all careers should be like that, appreciated for what they are. (aww hun you're still hella young tho two years isn't two big of difference but yess, reliving those moments in your head tho that's a therapeutic thing) thank you for all your kind words too, i really appreciate them ^~^ i never saw myself in this position of being able to interact with people online, especially over my writings, so i'm happy that i've gotten to meet people on here, it's sweet.

and honestly, i am not sure, i was thinking of doing it next year but my first half of the semester, i ended up with morning classes. so i only have two days in the week to actually work as a sub. i currently work with kids as an assistant so i just help out the actual teacher. in the future with the older kids i don't think i'd be in charge of teaching them because i wouldn't be able to take a long term sub job if a teacher is absent for a longer period of time. i have my own classes to attend and responsibilites so even if i wanted to i wouldn't be able to. but i think im gonna try to look for another job for the summer or for jobs at my campus to fill in during days i can't sub. this past spring semester i did nothing LOL but this is where the fun is gonna start because i'll be going back to getting productive and enjoying caffeine :D

[poetrybird]

life update: vacation, final grades, planning for next year

🌨🌨🌨🌨🌨

vacation

i finished my semester on december 11th and then i immediately hopped on a plane and went to visit toronto for a week with my gf and some friends and family! it was sooo much fun, we stayed in an air bnb and went sledding, played in the snow, went to the christmas market, niagara falls, the science center, board game cafes, ate amazing food and just had a nice time overall. it was a great way to start off my winter break and im very thankful for having good people to spend it with. i won’t be posting pictures here but if you follow me on my mainblog @remonts or on my instagram @shumaita then you can see some of my photography.

grades/ end of fall 2017 semester

after i got back, my final grades for the semester were finally uploaded online! out of my four classes i got 3 A’s and one A- which im pretty proud of considering i tried super hard! my GPA only went up from a 3.87 to a 3.88 but it’s better than nothing, esp since any kind of gain is amazing for me at this point (the hardest part is maintaining it/ making it not drop).

i also got an email from my professor about my 17 page paper: she said she loved it and thinks I have a good chance of getting it published to a major journal!!! i am beyond elated that all that hard work resulted in something she thinks is actually insightful and useful to others. ive never written an academic article this long before so im pretty proud of myself, honestly could have cried tears of joy after hearing such kind and supportive feedback. i love what i do as a student. moments like these are what make me truly appreciate my major.

classes in the spring

after winter break im going to be starting my final year of undergrad, since i just have spring and another fall semester before i can graduate. for spring semester ill be taking:

• creative writing advanced workshop

• visual poetry

• 200 lvl lit elective on female protagonists

• editing essentials

as you can see im going to be doing a lot more creative writing and practical work rather than a lot of the research and theory ive been studying the past few semesters. which is good. i need a change, and im excited to start flexing my creative writing muscles again and finally learning how to properly edit stuff. lmao. i feel like this schedule will give me more time to also focus on graduation plans and such since writing based courses are a much different pace than lit analysis courses in regards to the time i usually spend on it and the stress level. not the say that i won’t be anxious and stressed- i definitely will- but atleast i will be doing things that bring me great joy.

plans and goals for next year

• now that i have some time before school starts and the new year begins I want to use this free time to start setting up some healthier habits and things ive been meaning to get around to.

• for one, im going to start eating healthier again. i really let myself go as school got more and more stressful, and ive been not really paying attention to things like sugar and carbs that make me thirsty and gross feeling from over indulging. i just got some new groceries though, to restock the fridge with healthier and yummy options and im feeling very optimistic about it! maybe i can even sort out some kind of meal plan before my new semester starts. i meant to do it earlier but never found the time. something ill also have more time for with my new spring schedule is going to the gymmmmm because i don’t have early ass classes anymore!!!

• i also need to update my bujo and built a better habit of writing in it, as well as organize my photo album. the past year went by so fast and i took a good amount of photos, but not enough and not nearly enough journal entries to go along with it!

• im also going to try to start up a better recreational reading habit before the new year kicks in so i can follow it thru to 2018 and beyond. i want to read atleast 18 books this coming year, not counting my assigned readings for school, which i get a lot of. hopefully this works out bc i feel like ive set the bar at a pretty reachable place! i just miss cozying up with a good book for fun, and not because it has a due date for homework.

• i also reallllly want to find another job in addition to my work study position. i just need more money. tuition is getting harder and harder to pay and i feel like a burden on my family whenever i want to buy something for myself. i think getting a better paying job will make me happier.

that’s all i have to say for the moment (which was a lot, sorry haha). i hope you all do good on your finals and have a wonderful holiday!! please remember to take care of yourself, you’re doing amazing 💕

[closetcasefabray]

i was just thinking about cophine getting high together & then imagined modern day clexa doing the same & omg a whole headcanon is now exploding out my brain. so here’s this not-a-fic.

so clarke would have tried weed in hs & she would get high once in a while, but she was a good student & pretty popular so her parents never really saw any change. & one time jake catches her coming in late & he can totally tell she’s high & he’s just like “we’ll talk in the morning.” when he does, he doesn’t tell abby but just tells clarke not to drive high & recommends against smoking bc lungs are important. & he ends it with “i trust you kiddo. you can make your own decisions. im proud of you for being you.” bc he’s jake & he loves her so much (& also thinks marijuana should be legal & regulated).

so clarke is at university (i normally imagine them at UMD just bc Polis & TonDC are Maryland/DC references) & she’s roommates with raven, & the two of them like going to the roof of one of the campus science buildings & smoking bc sometimes the professors leave telescopes on the roof for labs. raven gets medicinal marijuana & explained that her parents knew she already smoked so they wanted her to do it legally & “the leg thing just helped expedite the process.” so they smoke pretty regularly. (eventually raven tells clarke that she was in an accident when she was with her boyfriend, finn, on his motorcycle.)

clarke meets octavia in her math class & they both hate it but numbers come easier for clarke than O so clarke essentially carries O through that class despite paying zero attention in class. O is on the track team, so she doesn’t smoke but hangs out with clarke & raven on the roof.

lexa is a sophomore but really ahead & could easily graduate early. but she’s double majoring in political science & psychology with a minor in world literature. clarke has dyslexia & while she does know various strategies to read & study well, she devotes most her energy toward her pre-med materials. that unfortunately affects the quality of her weekly papers for her english lit gen ed class. so she goes to the writing center where of course lexa works.

& clarke is pretty intimidated bc lexa is dressed for the career fair the first time she meets her & just looks like she has all her shit together. when lexa asks her what she should focus on for critiques, clarke just says “everything.” & lexa does that small smile & clarke is just like “wHAT IS THIS FEELING????”

even though lexa rips her paper apart it was fine bc clarke could watch her hands move across paper all day. one day clarke asks if she wants to go to the food court since lexa gets out at the same time. so they do & they end up talking & clarke ends up confessing she has dyslexia & lexa encourages her to go to the student disability services office so a formal letter could be sent to the professor, but clarke says how it shouldn’t be an excuse. & lexa is like super serious & respects clarke’s choice but also says, “it’s not an excuse if you do go. it’s about being honest with yourself & the professor. you’re fully capable of doing great work, & dyslexia isn’t a reflection of your intelligence, but just letting your professor know may help form a more effective curriculum.” they exchange numbers & the next day, clarke sends her a thank you text bc she went to student services & her lit professor’s office hours & they decided on bi-weekly 3pg papers instead of the weekly 2 pg papers.

then clarke eventually asks her out as they leave the writing center one night & lexa has to ask, “like a date?” & clarke mildly panics but lexa explains “i have a girlfriend.” costia, who is this really wonderful art history major & photographer back home in PA & attending Penn State, who she met through a summer internship before lexa’s first year in university. but lexa thinks they’d make good friends & clarke refuses to be a douche who broods in the “friend zone.”

lexa doesn’t go to parties, but she drinks occasionally. so clarke invites her to the roof with O & Raven & they end up drinking two giant bottles of cheap wine. when lexa admits she’s never smoked weed, it becomes raven’s mission to get lexa high, mostly bc lexa is so serious & she wants to see what she would happen. but lexa passes on the weed & is grateful bc clarke smoked & got the spins & puked off the side of the roof.

another time, raven gets a few edibles & splits them with her friends so she, O & Lincoln (OT/PT major, junior, also on track) are playing frisbee on the quad while super high & clarke is drawing & sitting bc physical exertion is so not her style, esp when stoned. & lexa gets out of class & sees clarke so she joins her. & when clarke looks up & sees lexa approaching, she gets the biggest cheesiest smile bc it’s lexa & its one of the few remaining warm days of fall so she’s in a knee-length dress & just looks stunning. she sits down & lifts up clarke’s sunglasses & laughs & asks “how high are you rn?” clarke just giggles–something she only does high–& replies “very.” & lexa just grins & pokes clarke’s cheek & says “i can tell bc your dimples. you have them the entire time bc you can’t stop smiling.” & clarke just replies “or maybe i’m just happy to see you.” & then O appears with her arms full of snacks & clarke is like “good call, O” & O is like “tf are you talking about???? this is mine.” but raven & lincoln brought munchies for clarke.

then when it’s just the two of them, lexa asks what it feels like being high. clarke’s still stoned so it’s hard but says “you can’t really know the feeling without getting high….. your stream of consciousness goes on every tangent. your thoughts take the scenic route… also your internal voice becomes really apparent, but it’s not critical or anything. things feel easy.” & lexa just concludes “you’re an anti-anti-drug ad.”

so lexa tells clarke one day she wants to try weed so clarke’s super excited & wants lexa to be comfortable & they go to the roof, just the two of them & smoke & lexa quickly learns smoking hurts her throat & lungs a lot but clarke packed ice water which helps. when clarke can tell lexa is stoned, she laughs bc her eyes are glossy & just beautiful & that small smile of hers doesn’t leave her lips. but she reassures lexa that she looks fine & isn’t obviously high.

they lie on a blanket & lexa asks clarke to hold her hand bc she feels strange & clarke just smiles & takes her hand & gives it a little squeeze. but they end up talking & laughing bc of some stupid story clarke told & even though clarke’s heard lexa’s laugh, she loves the sound of it in that moment. & she’s jus like “wow. im so in love with her” inside of course.

that night gets lexa into trouble with costia bc long distance is dumb & costia can tell lexa is falling for clarke. they break up before the second semester so lexa throws herself into work but clarke is persistent about making lexa interact with ppl outside of academics & they end up smoking on the quad one night & lexa is p sure she could kiss clarke but she knows she should tell her how she feels first & not kiss her & have clarke assume it was just bc they were high. but they hold hands even though lexa feels fine.

so they both end up super busy bc midterms but they study together in the library. clarke has a nervous habit of tapping her pen & the sound makes lexa anxious, so one day she puts her hand on top of clarke’s tapping hands & clarke apologizes but lexa removes her hand then takes clarke’s right & runs her thumb along the back. it ends up being the kind of sensory stuff the both of them needed & becomes habit.

both of them finish their midterms the same day so they hang out to celebrate which basically turns into them taking a nap in clarke’s bed & raven taking a million ways photos & taking bets from O & lincoln about how long it would take them.

but something about missing clarke on spring break spurred lexa into action so their first day back at school, they’re two of the first back on campus so they go the roof but don’t have weed & as clarke is rambling about something lexa just hugs her & clarke laughs & asks “what’s this about?” & lexa says “i missed you.” & clarke smiles & says “me too.” & then lexa kisses her & it’s grossly cute & clarke kind of sighs as they hold each other after. & blah blah they’re in love & just the grossest.

but what originally spurred this whole thing on was just me thinking “i bet lexa would get horny when high” so my brain is essentially the tag “porn with feelings.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

anyway. i’ve got shit to do i guess but thought i’d share.

[n-ph]

2k16

wow it’s been awhile since i’ve written one of these. i just realized that i totally didn’t write one last year. anyway i dont even know where to begin. 2016 has been an interesting year to say the least. i was rereading some of my old posts and i said omg a lot. the days just seem to go by in a blur nowadays, so i will try to recap 2016 as best as i can. i dont have a word to encompass this year though.

went to seattle in january. tried some really expensive sushi..twice..holy crap. the quality was a1 but man the bill was something else. seattle was nice though. definitely had a san francisco vibe to it, except for when you go to the waterside and look back at all the construction. i guess we kinda ran out of things to do bc on the last day we went to chinatown and the area seemed really dinky. also gained a ton of weight in seattle though u_u

in february we tried 5a5 steakhouse. and let me tell u. it is the best beef i have ever had. it is also the most money i have ever spent on a single meal. oh my god. i dont know if i'll ever be back, but i would like to, some day.

thus far, the semester was pretty okay. let's see..i had government accounting with a moody professor who would throw tantrums whenever no one participated. i also had business law with this old guy who was really lively and fun. i had strategic management with a bryan cranston look alike. the class was really interesting though and i learned a lot and it got me started on reading the economist lmao im so old. i miss having so much free time that came with school. 40 hour work weeks are not the life (even if i barely do anything at work).

went to LA during spring break. and at a good time too bc it was still the soft opening of harry potter world so the lines were v manageable. butterbeer was dope. the entire hogsmeade village just felt so real. had sooo much good food in LA omg. got to see some friends as well. had some of the best steak frites ever.

i cant believe i particpated in asu's talent show this year. much has changed in asu since i joined. it makes me wonder if i was behaving that way when i first joined. it seems a lot more clique-y and high school and drama filled but hey maybe it was that way when i was active but i just never noticed. had many fun lunches with my grand little but man there is a lot of drama in asu and im just glad i wasnt in any of it. i kinda miss the old asu days of staying out late to eat or do nothing at all but also i dont miss it bc i get enough sleep and im a lot more productive without asu lmao. finally ended things with tram for good. maybe things turned out the way they did for the better. the entire friendship was such a roller coaster. im glad its over.

the end of the semester rolled around!!! and i graduated!!!! :') attended my sisters graduation which was pretty boring bc high school students have such a narrow view of life (not to say that college students are any better). attended my own graduation. felt really fortunate to have jessa and anthony there. this one kid in my graudating class gave a speech about accomplishments...and he revealed the wrestling belt he was wearing underneath his graduation gown...and then he made the grads stand up and chant thank yous to the friends and family sitting behind us. it was so embarrassing and extra omg.

shortly after graduation i was on a plane headed back to the motherland. and let me tell u. i hated most of it. it was super hot and humid and my sister and i shared about 100 mosquito bites between the both of us. also. i know i shouldnt but..vietnam is so dirty. i know its not their fault that theyre a developing country but man there are exactly zero sanitation standards and i dont even know why we were there bc the water had recently been polluted so none of the fish were edible and my mom didnt trust the food stands to have clean food either. i guess i made some new friends and visited some cool places but at what cost??? also i think my entire fam got sick bc we slept with the ac on but either way, the meds i took made me lose my sense of smell i think and i couldnt taste or smell anything for two weeks. the ac air also dried out my nose and gave me a skin infection (which i will discuss later). during our trip to danang a small ferry got flipped on the big river and a bunch of ppl died and the government tried to cover it up bc bad publicity etc. they played it off as if only a few ppl died rather than most of the ppl on the boat. our tour guide in danang was in the know tho so he told us everything and w o w that really could've been us on that river bc it was a boat the left the dock about half an hour after our boat left. crazy.

after the long and arduous journey abroad i finally made it back home...and then headed to hawaii. hawaii was dope af. 10/10 would recommend, would go back. battled the tides when we went kayaking and sadly the tides won and i lost my hat but also almost lost my flip flops if it weren't for some kind random strangers who swam out to get my flip flops. we stayed on oahu and maui. hiked up a v steep mountain in oahu. lost my hat from kayaking. got caught in the rain when we went looking for a beach on the first day. had some of the best shaved ice ever. attended my first luau. fell asleep during the first part of a fire dancing show (bc the fire hadnt started yet). essentially pulled an all nighter to try oahu's famous bakery that opened at 3am. flew to maui but due to poor planning we arrived 4 hours earlier than check in lmao. the house we had in maui was so beautiful though omg. it was ocean side so we could hear the waves every night and it just felt so peaceful and tranquil to sit on the balcony in the mornings, just staring out at sea. in maui we went snorkeling. the last time i went snorkeling was like...10+ years ago...in cancun...and the water was freezing...and i also thought i was lost in the middle of the ocean on our way to the snorkeling location... but anyway! the snorkeling this time was so cool omg they had prescription swimming goggles so i could see EVERYTHING. they also provided lunch which was dope. it started raining on our way back to shore though lmao. the next day we drove all the way up the volcano in maui...to find that the top was foggy af and we couldnt see anything. the road up was pretty nasty bc super windy and 10000 ft elevation. it got really foggy after like 6000ft so we basically drove in all fog until the top which was still foggy but also like 20 degrees colder than the rest of maui. maui is super rural omg. we tried to find a place to eat after our trek but there were barely any food places in sight. we picked a random spot in the middle of nowhere and then decided to take the road to hana (which is on the opposite side of where we were staying, and was about 3 hrs away. and boy did we mess up. we took the alternate road there and it was scarier than going up the volcano bc 1) windy 2) small ass roads which were unpaved at certain points and 3) cliff hugging roads..i cant believe i made the drive there and back it was so terrifying omg. not sure if i would go back. at one point there was a big ass cow in the middle of the road. once we got to hana though, the hike was really nice despite the humidity. almost died crossing the river at the end to see the waterfall. all the rocks had big ants on them!!! how was i supposed to cross the river!!! we missed out on the wading pools though but we were so starving by that time. made the 3 hr drive back and everyone was dead. spent the last day on maui not doing much bc rainy and we were all so dead.

about two weeks after i got back from hawaii was training week in sac for my first big girl job. ngl but i felt super homesick that first night. idk why since i would be home by the end of the week anyway. probably just overwhelmed by how fast everything was happening. graduation and now transitioning into a full time job. scary stuff. but i did make a really good friend in sac so it didnt turn out so bad!!! training was pretty fun bc our presenter was pretty engaging. except when we went over the boring stuff and i was v close to falling asleep. did get to catch up with some of my sac friends though which was nice. went to the state fair for the first time as well. it was..exactly as expected but hotter lmao. my family went to san diego at this time bc my sister was going to comic con but i couldnt make it :(

got back from training and started my first big girl job. im not sure what i expected but it was easy but also hard? my first engagement i was only with one other senior and she was super nice and pretty and really good at lettering. i dont feel like i learned much? i only really did the tasks given to me but i feel like half the time i wasnt even sure what i was doing. i also hated the commute all the way back from walnut creek. the going there wasnt so bad bc i got a ride out to oakland but man it would take forever to get home. :'( my second engagement was just me and a partner and i feel like she expected me to know everything...but i didnt know anything...so i mostly sat around a lot??? esp bc she wasnt on site every day so i had zero supervision. :/ towards the end of the second engagement i got an email from the city saying that they were accepting me into their accounting position and i was like oh shit. i ended up taking the job, which gave me a week in between quitting the first job and starting the second, which i used to go back to LA lmao bc i had a season ticket to universal. actually ate at the three broomsticks this time. it was defs filling and i thought it was a good bang for buck. attempted to go to the walking dead tour..chickened out..twice. i probs would've died in there tbh. also went to disneyland!!!! that was lit. their macone-roni and cheese was da bomb. saw world of color for the first time except it was the 50th anniversary edition so it wasnt so great. bumped into the couple that was in jbieb's love yourself video. tried some new food places in LA and saw some old friends, again.

started my second big girl job. all my coworkers are super nice except the big boss is kind of crazy and anal. but we deal with it. my supervisor is so nice :'( work isnt so bad bc i dont do much lmao. the hardest part sometimes is just staying awake if im being honest. getting paid to do nothing is the life tho.

spent my birthday weekend in monterey. we were supposed to go atv-ing but ended up going wine tasting but also not really bc we liked the first wine so much we got a bottle of that to share. it was really cold that weekend surprisingly so we stayed in and then went to this spa place on a whim and it was definitely an interesting experience.

went as a rice bag for halloween and i think that was probably my greatest costume to date. except we ended up going to a party full of white ppl...and i was like the only asian there gdi

tagged along w my sister when she went to sd. got to see many friends!!! went clubbing as well and that was lit. took michelle clubbing for her 21st birthday, also lit. squadsgiving and christmas were super fun. got some supplies for bullet journaling so guess thatll be my new years resolution. but also to take more photos bc i didnt buy that camera for nothing.

okay so in conclusion. i did a lot of stuff this year. it feels like it was mostly all highs. or maybe i just block out the lows but im pretty sure there were way more highs than lows. 2016 was a great year tbh. oh yeah i also passed two of four parts of my cpa exam!!! woot. in 2016, i learned a lot...of accounting lmao. plus i ran my first 5k!!!!! oh yeah and i joined a gym and now im getting swole af. im not sure what my reflections are. i guess, if i were to compare 2k16 kim to 2k14 kim i've for sure come a long ways. i wasnt afraid to try new challenges and conquer them. i stepped out of my comfort zone multiple times, sometimes with the help of alcohol. i got my shit together and really focused in school (which got me a 4.0 during my last year of college). i also got my shit together and studied my ass off for the cpa (which is still ongoing i crey). i really wanna say this was probably one of my best years with everything i was able to do and everything i achieved. so here's to you, 2016, and may 2017 be even better!!!

[bonniekrazikid]

A decade in recap / MY RECAP!

‘10 - best college year!

Entered campus life on ‘09 and this was the 2nd year. I got my self a true friend that stays with me until now. I’m blessed!

‘11 - broke up with my 2,5 years bf

Me and him was a highschool lover. He was my junior in highschool, the most gorgeous boy back then. I was lucky to have him. But we’re too young, too stuborn and too focus on our self. We broke up. He broke my heart and im too ignorant to take him back. I loved him.

‘12 - depression kick back

My real father come to visit me in my city. He come bringing up lots of pain inside of me. I tell the most trusted person in my life about how hurt i am and how i hate him. But they turn their back on me, blaming me. I stop believing on religion. I quit my dance team, i begin my unhealthy life. I cut my hair a lot this year. Get a skinhead.

‘13 - oppa oppa oppa!

I begin my fangirl life on ‘11, obsessed with bigbang, esp their leader. ONE AND ONLY GD! THE ONE AND A KIND. Feeling blessed since i entered so many contest with my friend and win some money, handphone and even ticket to GD concert!! I MET HIM FINALLY, i will never forget this experience!

‘14 - okay, thats new!

Im done with my college class, final assignment next. But too lazy to follow up, instead I travelled back and forth with my mom from bali to malang. There’s another break up too this year (not officially a break up cause we’re not going out for real). I got proposed from a guy that i just met. Well, thats new!

‘15 - deff, feeling my self

Have a supa gorgeous hair this year, long hair hell yea! Boys come and go. But friend always there. So does family. Travelled to gili! Yay! Still doing my quiz hunter things! And opened up a boutique!

‘16 - okay time to leave the comfortzone

At the edge of DO. I have to finished my final assignment and graduate in one semester left that i have! Yup! CRAAAAAAAAYZEEEEEE. But still going on vacaycay with my baby bala bala nyenyek to the beach! The second time, i guess the 1st time i went to the beach with my friend is on the ‘12?! Kinda forget ya!

‘17 - WELCOME REAL LIFE

Finally moved to bali. DONE WITH COLLEGE! Cry on my last day. But im so happy! And 5 months looking for a job, got my 1st job. I was a cry baby at work. Lol. Stupefff

‘18 - adult enough

Clubbing enough. Partying enough. Promotion so fast, thank god. Addictive to alcohol. Start smoking. attended the weekend concert!!! Kygo too. Basically partying a lot. My mom and my dad got on the accident. Making me realize how i have to be an adult cause they are so old. BONNIE IS HEREEEEEEEEEEE! Got a crazy dog, name bonnie.

‘19 - move out standing on my feet, expanding my horizon

My real father passed away. My economy stable enough for me to move out from my house. Better move out then keep fighting and arguing with my parents. Went overseas for the 1st time, travelled alot. Well, its been a rough year. I hope 2020 will be better and brighter year. I will become more patient and understanding.

Happy 2020!