#anyways I see myself regressing a lot and I’m upset and my dreams keep going back to high school and people I knew n what I wanna say to ‘em

[remarkable-ghost]

Me trying to figure out the reason I can’t get out of bed today

***if u know me irl pls just don’t address me on this. I literally have two other blogs, but one is aesthetic and the other is like big emo but also a particular aesthetic so BOO it’s going on my everything blog so BOO!

[childishfluff]

(im gonna be sending a few seperate asks since theyre seperate thoughts/ideas, sorry for any sort of inbox spam!!) ur pet regressor tommy fic led me into a whole wormhole of many different ideas.. esp abt who else is a pet regressor!!

- wilbur (cat regressor!! also very relaxed, he *will* just sleep on phil or techno's lap for hours on end. mostly nonverbal, but will meow every now nd again. mostly communicates through actions. he can purr. doesn't drop often, but when he does, it's due to extreme stress- meaning he can be pretty sensitive while he's in catspace.)

- tubbo (puppy regressor, but definitely more of a relaxed dog aside from the amnt he communicates, especially through barking, whimpering, and soft "awooo!!"'s. loves snuggles. sometimes, he's scared to come of as annoying, so he's hesitant to slip into pupspace, normally needing someone to help him along and tell him that it's ok for him to be a puppy, nd that he's a very very good boy.)

- karl (kitten regressor!!!! he's either really sleepy or really playful/energetic, and he has no in between on that. he meows.. so much.. all he kno is meow meow!! *very* sensitive while dropped, and as such, he needs a lot of validation and love. will get extremely upset with himself if he notices that anyone is even *slightly* mad/irritated by him.)

- nick (sapnap) (PUPPY REGRESSOR 100000%!!! he's very very loud and extremely playful!!! he can be entertained for *hours* w literally anything, especially toys like chew bones. doesn't really drop too often, but when he does, he drops very very far. something that can trigger his drops is when people compare his traits/actions to those of a dog because he just goes yes!! yes me!!!! dog!!! me!!!! also he loves karl *so* much because karl absolutely spoils him rotten when he's in pupspace.)

- ranboo (kitty regressor!! similar to karl, he can be really sensitive while he's dropped. entirely nonverbal, opting for actions instead. he's a mix of both playful and sleepy. when he sleeps, he curls his entire body up into a circle nd kneads at whatever he's sleeping on until he falls asleep.)

- dream (cat regressor!! sleeps a lot when he's dropped, hes just vv tired. mimics patches, and loves to follow her around/act like she does. even bases his catgear around patches, with tabby-colored cat ears and an outfit based off of similar colors. drops very easily, mostly voluntarily.)

those r the ones i can think of now.. id love to know ypur opinions/interpretations of them!! -🌻

OKAY I’M GONNA GO THROUGH THESE ONE BY ONE, AND SHARE MY THOUGHTS+OTHER POSSIBLE HCS/FIC SCENARIOS, SO LONG POST WARNING Y’ALL

1. Cat Regressor! Wilbur

yes yes yes, I wouldn’t of thought of it myself but the idea is absolutely adorable! I’d totally write that, with like handler/cg!niki in addition to those you listed. And the idea of him using it for stress and therefore being sensitive in catspace? like, that’s amazing. 

I could imagine a fic where someone pushes him to regress for fun for once, but he feels like it’s stupid to purposely act like a cat when he doesn’t need it? They don’t pressure him, or anything, but he ends up slipping because he feels safe. and he realizes not only does it help with stress, but it just makes him more happy!

also imagine him slipping around tommy for whatever reason, and just wanting to sleep while Tommy’s trying to do something fun. So he’s dragging around a sleepy kitten and waking him up every two seconds, and it’s really soft and adorable and ends up with Wilbur sleeping somewhat on Tommy so that he can’t get up and he’s like ‘you’re so lucky I love you, dude.’ awww I need to write a fic- no promises but y’know

2.Puppy Regressor!Tubbo

someone actually requested a puppy regressors!tubbo and tommy fic that I’m having trouble writing, like it sounds cute but it’s kinda hard bc I’ve never written puppyspace before. I actually decided to start over but I’ma keep trying on that. 

anyways, imagine like, Ranboo or Tommy helping him slip over a discord call! Needing help to regress is something that I understand (I age regress, but I haven’t in a while due to this issue), so I could probably write Tubbo in that position well. Needing to be coaxed and told that it’s okay to be a cute lil puppy, like that’s adorable! 

3. Kitten Regressor!Karl

tbh I tried to write kitten!karl but I was half asleep and gave up, I need to get back to that hjsiksja. Like I specialize in writing sensitive regressors w/anxiety over someone being mad at them, so I could definitely pull this off. 

and the idea of him being a talkative kitty is sooo cute! Like I can imagine something along the lines of this conversation between him and a handler/cg:

“What do you want?”

“Meowww”

“I don’t know what that means!”

“Meow?” (little head tilt and innocent cute eyes)

“Do you want cuddles?”

*excited meows! and he goes and cuddles up in their lap bc yay, they understood him!*

and imagine kitten!karl playing w/Quackity! very very adorable concept

4. Puppy Regressor! Sapnap

okay okay so I don’t watch sapnap really but this is still adorable! Like the whole ‘me, puppy? yes.’ thing is soooo cute! Imagine George or Dream just forgetting that’s a trigger and making a joke about how one of his mannerisms reminds them of a puppy and suddenly! There’s a puppy to take care of!

and karl spoiling him sounds like something he’d do hjsiksjsa. I can’t really add much on here bc idk much about him/his content past the smp but this is so cute! Maybe I’ll watch a few of his videos and attempt writing him bc I keep getting requests for him

5. Kitten Regressor! Ranboo

yes, I was already thinking about this tbh! Like I’ve written him as a little and it’s kinda similar, he’s sensitive, and he’s less verbal the littler he gets. As a kitten, I can easily picture him just being quiet. 

I imagine that he’s really pouty because of this, because he doesn’t know how to communicate otherwise, so this might confuse anyone who may take care of him. 

“Why are you pouting? Do you want cuddles? Food? Do you wanna play?” 

and he just doesn’t reply bc he’s a kitten and he can’t talk so it’s an endless cycle of guess and check until they reach the right answer, and it’s really funny to watch. I can also imagine that he giggles a lot. Like he’s not verbal or anything, and he doesn’t giggle a lot but sometimes it happens! and if you make him giggle while in kittenspace then you did something right!

it makes everyone happy when he giggles and it’s really soft and cute! I definitely think I’ll write a fic with kitten!ranboo in it, at some point eventually, I think! 

6. Cat Regressor! Dream

awwwww- I didn’t even consider the possibility of this but awwww. Imagine Wilbur and Dream in catspace together, just sleeping and cuddling while basically all the other kittens are playing and being hyper. And everyone’s trying to get them to play but they’re sleepy! (ofc they end up playing anyways bc their friends are adorable and convincing but y’know)

and I really like the idea of him mimicking patches! I’ve seen a few pet regresors say that they mimick/copy their pets so it kinda feels realistic and likely! and plus, it’s really cute. 

and since his regression is voluntary, I can imagine him like one minute, just chillin w/george and sapnap and going ‘what if- what if I just went *cat mode*’ and he tries to hint to his friends that he wants to slip but they’re not getting it so it’s kinda frustrating for him but funny for the readers to see play out bc George and Sapnap are being completely oblivious to everything. Hjsiksja that’d be funny

Thank you for sending this it, like seriously! It was really fun to go through and talk about these, I might make additional headcannon lists once I’m actually awake tomorrow bc I shouldn’t be up rn but yeah, I just wanted to go through and respond to this! <3

[cyrelia-j]

[Drabble] Inside a Dream (Garak/Bashir)

Messing with short one shots between all the massive work on Limitless so expect to see more of these. (Some will post on AO3, some won’t just kinda depends) IDK what the hell I was thinking here. Between the music and the plot this wrecked me, Jesus. Anyway, this mind trip was based off Echosmith’s “Lesson" 

AU but not really, Julian and Garak meet in another place and time perhaps. ANGST warning set at the end of everything (books and whatnot)

“Then I’ll be watching every breath you take And if you wanna play a wicked game ‘Cause all I’ve got to go off Are lessons from a love song”

Julian first sees the lizard man after he buys his cigarettes. He’s leaning against the brick face of the small gas station convenience store looking for a lighter. That’s when he sees him. He rubs his eyes in the red of the sunset and squints, not sure that he’s seeing him right. His vision isn’t as good as it used to be. The doctors told him that he might never properly recover it after the accident. Julian steps away from the building carefully. His step isn’t as easy as it used to be either. “Sir?” He asks as the lizard man comes closer to him. Julian doesn’t see a tail. He doesn’t see an elongated face or teeth like an alligator but there’s something distinctly reptilian about his countenance. His skin is grey, if it can properly be called as such. He has scales. He has ridges running around his eyes, down his forehead and a strange dip in the center. His neck- at least what Julian can see of it- is also thick with ridges. Julian wonders if he’s the only one who sees him. Strange, but there isn’t anyone else around right now.

The lizard man offers him a lighter and he takes it thankfully. This is it then, he supposes. He’s going to lose the last thing that he thought he still had. Oh who are you kidding, Julian, you haven’t had a grip on reality since you woke up. Julian takes a deep pull on the Marlboro Red and thanks him. He expects the man will continue his business inside. Julian wonders if he’s one of those old bastards that smokes Pall Malls. But the lizard man doesn’t go inside but instead continues standing in front of Julian. “Right, well thank you again for the lighter um… is there something I can help you with. I’m afraid I don’t have any change for the bus. Check won’t be in til the first and this was hard enough to scrape together you know I…” Julian trails off not knowing why he’s explaining all this to a complete stranger. “You know I walked here myself,” he finishes with a breath out. He’d rather not be up that part of Brunswick in the dark.

“Yes, I’m proud of you, Julian,” the lizard man says to him and it’s such a strange thing to hear from an even stranger man. “How do you know my name?” Julian asks. He didn’t give it to him. At least he doesn’t think so. He can usually trust his memories. Most of the time, anyway. “You gave me the privilege a long time ago. You might have forgotten. It may have been several lifetimes by some accounts even.” Julian feels his brows knit in confusion at that but he doesn’t question it. He knows that he’ll write it down in his notes tonight. He’s sure he would have remembered such a creature and yet he doesn’t. “I’m terribly sorry then. There was an accident you see so I… I sometimes forget things. I’m afraid I don’t recall your name. But you know me.” He does know why but he can see that the lizard man knows him. He hates that he can’t remember. He takes another puff to calm that agitation. “If you say that you know me then I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to believe you.”

Julian smiles a bit and the lizard man smiles back at him. It looks like it’s painful. Perhaps the facial muscles aren’t meant to contort in such a fashion. The thought of the lizard man in pain doesn’t quite sit well with him. Julian supposes that’s the doctor they told him he used to be. “If it’s painful, then you don’t have to do it. I’ll forgive you,” Julian says trying to lighten the mood. Somehow that only seems to make it worse. It looks like it hurts him more now to smile. Julian doesn’t understand. “Did I say something wrong?” Julian watches as the lizard man draws in a breath before shaking his head. Julian is sure that somehow he’s upset him but he doesn’t quite know how to fix it. Perhaps the smoke is bothering him? Julian attempts to clear the air. “Never,” he hears spoken in a shaky huff. The lizard man puts a hand on his shoulder, and Julian thinks as he catches a glimpse of his eyes up close they’re just breathtakingly blue. He takes another smoke finding that his own hand is trembling.

“You should go home,” the lizard man says giving his shoulder a small squeeze. He’s right of course but it seems a shame now that they’ve just met. Julian doesn’t have a number that he can give him. He’d rather not give the shared line at the place he’s staying now. His room doesn’t have its own phone. They say it’s because some residents need to be monitored too carefully for regression into bad habits. Julian doesn’t think that he can ask the man back either after hours. “It seems a shame. I mean… I mean you clearly know me Mister… um…” Julian really can’t remember even though he feels that he should be able to. “No Mister,” is whispered again and Julian is sure that he keeps saying the absolute wrong thing. “Just…” there’s a swallow and another painful smile. “Just Garak,” the lizard man says. Julian promises himself that he’ll write it in his notebook when he gets in. He tries to hurry his smoke along.

“Garak,” he repeats with a nod to himself. “Promise I won’t forget it this time,” Julian says with a self deprecating duck of his head. “Would it be alright to ask for a number? I just… I just have a few questions, maybe a few blanks that you can help me fill in when you have the time. Well, I wouldn’t be able to call soon. Not the first yet,” he says laughing softly. He doesn’t know if he ever used to have money, things, family. Julian supposes it’s better that way. They told him when he woke up that he had a wife. Lovely woman they said, named Sarina. But she stopped coming two years before he awoke so he never had a chance to meet her. He was surprised they hadn’t pulled the plug on him honestly and relearning to walk was such a misery but they said he was a special case and so even at fifty two years old, Julian just took that to mean that there was something he was left yet to do.

The lizard man, that is Garak, doesn’t answer him and that stare is a bit unsettling but somehow it doesn’t unnerve him the way it ought to. It never did. The though flits into his head and then out again with the breeze. Julian blinks at it staring hard, trying to will his brain to remember. They said it may all come back at once, in spurts, or never anything more than his name and the history that Sarina had provided them. All he knew is that he was a special case and the state would at least see that he didn’t starve. Well God bless the Garden State, he’d thought. Julian wonders if Garak might not have heard him but he sees another shake of that head. He notes that Garak’s hair is white, carefully slicked back. He doesn’t know why Garak’s age hadn’t registered with him. Had he known Garak differently before? “I’m afraid calling won’t be possible,” Garak says and his voice is a lot more even. Julian’s relieved at that. “But I know where to find you now.”

Again, that should concern him but Julian only feels relief at that. The two of them look at each other a moment longer. Julian hopes the next time won’t be quite so awkward. “Well that’s ah… that’s good. It was good, this was good. Meeting you that is… again? And um… thank you for the light.” he says feeling quite silly saying it all that way. Garak nods and wow, he really can’t keep his foot out of his mouth because that misty look is back again. Julian clears his throat and holds out his hand awkwardly to shake, switching his cigarette to his left hand before deciding just to let it drop with a quick crush of his worn red Converse. Garak looks down at Julian’s outstretched hand and instead gently guides his arm up by the wrist. Julian lets him position his fingers and remains still when Garak pressed their palms together, warm between their fingertips. 

Their hands are both older, rougher, Garak’s not quite as straight as they once were. He doesn’t know how he knows that but he’s certain of it. Julian can hear the church bells starting to chime for six after they’ve stood there like that a moment. He really needs to go. They both lower their hands at the same time. There are so many things that Julian wants to say, wants to ask, but he doesn’t know where to begin. He thought he remembered being much more brave, more bold, less broken but… but Dr. Parmak tells him that he needs to focus on building on the foundation that’s there. He should tell Dr. Parmak about Garak as well. “Thank you,” Julian says again as he zips his jacket back up and gets his stiff legs moving again. He’s about to protest when Garak wordlessly helps him off the high curb. But he can see that Garak struggles as well and merely accepts the help with silent consideration.  Julian shouldn’t have left his cane but he can make it. He always does.

“Take care,” Garak says and Julian thinks he hears something following that sounds like “my dear” but he’s sure he’s imagining such a thing from the strange old lizard man. Somehow that thought leaves him feeling sad as he nods once more and starts carefully walking back the dark city street to his room on the second floor. The darkness tends to make him uneasy but somehow tonight he feels safe. Julian wonders if he really will see Garak again. He can only dare to dream…

The room shimmers back around him, and Garak nearly collapses when it does. And when he does Parmak is there to catch him as best as he can. A few feet away, Julian lays silently on the bed, not stirring. The strange mutants that used to look up to Julian had said that the modified holoprojector would be able to manifest the world inside Julian’s head the same as any holoprogram. Their leader, Jack, had said it was the least that they owed Julian for everything that he’d done for them. Garak had thanked them politely but hadn’t believed them. He was sure as he’d said to Kelas that there wasn’t anything left there. Kelas was never one to accept such things so easily. Kelas had opted to use the device in Julian’s room where Garak was afraid to. Every week for months, Kelas would come to him and tell him that Julian was there, that Garak needed to see him. Kelas was right.

Julian needed him. Garak wasn’t there.

“Elim?” I would have left him there if it wasn’t for you. Garak feels Parmak’s arms tighten around him and he doesn’t understand how Kelas has remained so strong. “Breathe for me Elim. You need to come back too.” Garak realizes that he had in fact collapsed. The both of them are twined around each other like two miserable orphans clinging. He can’t imagine that Kelas is comfortable under his weight but he makes no complaint. Kelas always seems fragile to those who don’t know him but Kelas is an unbreakable iron tower who suffers every lean Garak has to make on him. Garak can see that his spectacles are hopelessly fogged. Kelas tells him to breathe again and he finds his breaths are shaky. “I’m sorry, K-kelas I can’t q-quite seem to…” “It’s alright, Elim,” Kelas whispers to him. “He’s alright.” And that’s when Garak figures out, wise and brilliant Castellan that the reason he cannot breathe, the reason that he cannot see is because there’s water in his eyes and water in his lungs and he thinks that he very well might die drowning in that anguish. “Kelas,” comes out as a pitiful whimper, comes out as raw pain as he says the name again, unable to do anything but bury his face into the comforting warmth of Kelas’ shoulder. Kelas is always warm when everything else is cold.

Just like Julian was. Just like Julian is. And Garak is going to see him again.

“Won’t you tell me all your sweet little lies So I can die here in your arms tonight? ‘Cause all I’ve got to go off Are lessons from a love song”

(I couldn't resist adding more so here's Part 2)

[jo-the-schmo]

Breaking... Ch.2

A/N: Part two is finally done and it’s pretty long! I have no idea how to make links so if someone could message me and tell me how that would be apreciated ;-; Once I figure that out I’ll put one to part one on here so that no one has to go through my blog. Anyways I hope you enjoy! Here’s all the people who asked to be tagged, if you would also like to be tagged then just shoot me a message and I’ll add you in the next part! @iamnotthrowingawaymyshit @renae-writes 

ok this is my attempt at trying to link this to part one

Part one

Word count: 3965 (oh)

Warnings: Anxiety/Panic attacks, allusions to sexual assault, more cursing(there will never not be curing)

Breaking Promises

               There was no way, this was literally physically impossible. No Y/N, what are you crazy?  Of course you didn’t travel back in time! There had to be some sort of explanation to this! Yet for some reason you couldn’t help your mind wander to that possibility. What if you had actually gone back in time? How would that even be possible? What are the consequences to you being here? How much have you changed by just breathing where you weren’t supposed to? More pressing, how would you get back if this was all real? This couldn’t be real, maybe you fell in some weird coma dream after that guy shot you. Hell maybe you were dead. You hadn’t even noticed how tight you were clutching your chest, how heavy and painful your breathing was.

             Everyone had their eyes glued to you, Eliza was holding onto your shoulders to help you stand. Angie and the two little boys looked scared about what was happening. Alexander looked like he was trying to keep his composure but his eyes were searching for answers. You could see their lips moving but it took a few moments before you could actually hear them. Eliza’s voice flooded over you first, it sounded diluted, almost washed out.

“Y/N! Dear, you’re safe, you have nothing to fear.” Her voice snapped you back slightly, only enough to the point where you could actually look at her. She was simply glad that you were finally being responsive.

“Yes, that’s it now. I am here, we are here. I’m going to count; focus on what I’m saying. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf…” She kept going, your head bobbing ever so slightly to the numbers but every time you thought you were about to calm down another thought came to mind. What if I really am dead? If I’m not, then how do I get back home? Can I even get home? Am I stuck here for the rest of my life?! Eliza looked over at Alexander frantically, he looked you in the eyes as his voice replaced Eliza’s. His was more clear than Eliza’s was.

“Miss Y/N, if you can hear me I would like to ask you to please nod your head.” You were able to do so and nodded slowly, a small bit of relief could be seen in his eyes.

“Very good, now take a deep breath with me.” He breathed in and you were able to shakily follow along. Eliza joined in with her husband, her voice was no longer hushed like it was before. Her voice was soft and comforting, she was a mother after all. A good one too if we’re being historically accurate. She was able to guide you through breathing well enough as to where you no longer were shaking, that was good. You fixed your posture and Eliza loosened her grip on you, for the first time in who knows how long you were able to speak.

“I’m, I’m sorry…” Your voice was feeble and weak, everyone’s gazes softened.

“Do not worry dear, you have nothing to apologize for.” Eliza said reassuringly.

“I have not seen anyone react to anything like that since the war. I do not know exactly what I said that upset you, but you should not be sorry, if anything I am sorry.” Alexander stated, his eyes completely focused on you to ensure that you wouldn’t regress.  You nodded along, your head aching, not quite the same way it was earlier but still debilitating. You rubbed your forehead with the palm of your hand before taking one last deep breath. Okay, this is real, at least in some capacity it is. I really don’t want to think I’m dead so I should put that thought on hold for now. I’m standing in front of Alexander Hamilton, the very first Secretary of Treasury, the guy on the $10 bill. If I really have gone back in time, then I have to be careful. I could literally change all of history if I meddle around at all, hell even existing here is probably screwing everything up. Stupid Butterfly Effect. You made a silent promise to yourself to not break history; it was probably for the best anyway.

             Opening your eyes, you saw Alexander and Eliza standing in front of you with worried eyes and downturned lips. These people, they don’t know who you are or how bad is it that you’re there. They don’t know anything about you and yet they treat you like a dear friend. You at the very least needed to thank them.

“Mr. and Mrs.…Hamilton I, I just wanted to say thank you for helping me, you know, calm down. That hasn’t exactly happened in a while…” You weren’t lying, it’s been a long time since you had a freak out like that. Not since graduation if I’m remembering correctly.

“My dear, there is no need to thank us. But you seem to be under a lot of stress, perhaps you need to take a break?” Eliza asked. Are we running away for the summer to go upstate? Shit, Y/N this is not the time for musical references! Pull yourself together! You allow yourself a moment to scream internally before responding.

“That won’t be necessary, I’ll be fine in just a second. Maybe we could sit down or something?” Wow that sounded dumb. Nice job trying to deflect yourself from the situation!

“Yes, perhaps that’s-“ Alexander started to speak before he was interrupted by a familiar, female voice.

“My apologies Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton but I wanted to inform you of Philip’s arrival…” Rachel locked eyes with you. “Miss Y/N! What’s wrong, did something happen?” She asked worriedly. She was standing in front of the now open front door, you could hear the sound wheels and some odd clacking from outside.

“Yeah, I’m fine Rachel, don’t worry.” You smiled at her meekly. Just as you were finishing your sentence a figure stepped up behind Rachel. He slid past her in the door way and his eyes scanned the room, his gaze finally fell onto you.

“Ah, Philip! Back later than usual aren’t we my son?” Alexander interjected with slight suspicion. Eliza patted him lightly on the arm before smiling at the young man making his way towards us. Wait… Philip? As in Philip Hamilton, the ray of sunshine in the midst of darkness? The sweet sunshine boy!

“There he is! My drop of sunshine! How was class today, love?” Eliza beamed. Oh praise we were right! The name is canon! His eyes never left you as he made his way over.

“Fine, class went well as always, mother… More importantly however, who might this lovely lady be?” Oh, of course this is coming from Mr. Let’s-strip-down-to-our-socks. I may indeed look good in my frocks but it is not happening today sir! He stops in front of you, holding out his hand with his palm facing up. He bows lightly and introduces himself.

“As for myself, I am Philip Hamilton.” He spoke with a slight chuckle and a sly grin. It took a second for you to realize you were supposed to give him your hand. You placed your hand on his palm, raising your hand to his lips he pressed a ‘polite’ kiss to your knuckle. This cheeseball really thinks he’s being slick, huh? You did your best to keep a straight face.

“My name is Y/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you, um, Philip was it?” You tried to hint that you were not interested. He stood back up with that grin still plastered on his face. You could finally get a good look at him as he stood in front of you. His slightly curled hair paired with the freckles splattered on his face reminded you of a piece by Jackson Pollock. Autumn Rhythms. His clothes were similar to his father’s but with color and fit were slightly different. The color itself was interesting, from far away it seemed to be grey but up close it looked to be more of a dull cyan.

“Yes, it is Philip, and if I may be so forward I’d like to say that your name is quite possibly as lovely as you.” This little shit, sunshine my ass, more like fuckboy. Wait a second was he the original fuckboy? Oh God no The Founding Fuckboys. You decided to stop thinking about that and try to look as serious as possible for someone thinking of ‘The Founding Fuckboys’ as a phrase used for the fathers of our country. You pulled your hand away and folded your arms behind your back, giving a sardonic smile towards his general direction. Alexander cleared his throat.

“Philip, my son, we were discussing some rather pressing matters before you arrived.”

“Oh? What matters exactly?” Philip questioned.

“I believe it would be best for us to sit down at the table first, supper is ready after all.” Eliza touched your arm gently before turning her attention to Rachel, who had stayed surprisingly silent throughout the conversation. Both of them turned to head down a separate hall, Alexander and the children followed them and just as you were about to join them Philip tapped you on the shoulder.

“Miss Y/N, as the eldest son, it would be politest of me to escort you to the table.” He held out his arm for you to take. Seriously? Okay, at this point this is just getting ridiculous.

“Thank you Philip, I’m sure it would be polite of you to lead me down a hallway, but I can walk myself just fine thank you.” You started to walk away with a bit of annoyance, you stopped and turned to look back at Philip. He looked shocked, not upset or angry, just shocked. You decided to add something to even the playing field slightly.

“Also, Mr. Hamilton, calling me Miss seems a bit formal. Just call me Y/N, after all I’m probably around the same age as you.” Although you were still a bit annoyed by his previous attempts to flirt when you clearly weren’t interested, you couldn’t help feeling a little sorry about how dejected he looked. You gave him a friendly smile and you could literally see his shoulders relax. Wow, was he really that tensed up? His surprised expression was quickly changed to one of intrigue. He folded his arms behind his back and spoke up once more, even his voice sounded more relaxed.

“Very well then… Y/N, forgive me, my behavior was not very becoming of me. If you could find it in yourself to pardon me for my actions, then I would be greatly appreciative.” His voice was softer and genuinely apologetic.

“You’re forgiven, now we should probably follow the others. Don’t want to miss dinner right?” You chuckled and turned back around to walk down the short hallway. Philip jogged up to walk beside you, a soft laugh escaping him as he approached. The two of you walked toward the dining room, Philip making offhand jokes about his parents along the way. Everyone was already sitting and adjusting themselves to be more comfortable by the time you had gotten there. Angie’s head perked up when you stepped into the room and when she noticed Philip at your side a mischievous grin replaced her innocent smile.

“Ooooh! Philly’s found his beloved!” She teased happily. You couldn’t help but laugh at her antics. What did Alexander call her earlier? Sunshine girl? Yeah, she’s the real sunshine in this house.

“Angelica, please, it’s rude to insinuate such things.” He buried half his face in one of his hands, you could tell he was a little embarrassed.  Oh siblings, the only people who are allowed to ruin your day. You walked to an empty seat at the table, Philip was about to pull the seat out for you but he stopped himself.

“Sorry, force of habit.” He shrugged with a smile before making his way to the other side of the table to sit across from you. You shook your head and rolled your eyes. Well, at least his little shit levels are manageable. What a dork. On the table you saw some sort of bread? It looks like bread but it’s got a funny shape to it. A few older women came out of a set of doors, their clothes were similar to yours and they were carrying bowls in their hands. A bowl was set down in front of everyone, when yours came you could finally see what it was. Some kind of stew? Honestly why am I surprised, New York was prominently Dutch during the colonial era. Wow I really am majoring in history aren’t I?

“Y/N dear, I know you’ve been having…a rather trying day so you do not have to tell us what happened quite yet. But if you think that you are well enough then we will listen.” Eliza cooed. What happened? What is she… Oh shit this is bad. I showed up on their doorstep with blood pouring from my head and definitely not wearing the proper attire for the century. Not only that but I’ve been saying things willy-nilly, how the hell am I supposed to explain my situation? You looked up to see Philip staring at you, not so much at you actually but at the bruise on the side of your forehead. Did he not notice it until now? Okay, if I tell them I don’t want to talk about it I’ll just have to do it later. I need to think of something now while I remember everything I’ve said in the past few hours. Come on, four years of Drama Club don’t fail me now! You took a deep breath to ease your rapidly beating heart.

“It’s fine Eliza, it’s probably best to get this off my chest now rather than later.” You cleared your throat. Alright, keep it simple and easy to remember.

“I’m from upstate New York, although I haven’t lived there for some time. When sickness came through downtown, my father decided I was to move down to North Carolina. I’m the only child that survived to adulthood so it was rather important that I stay as far away from the illness as possible.” Yes! Off to a good start! Everyone at the table was fully invested in what you had to say. They know that I can read, that’s what Eliza meant when she said she was surprised that I was educated. Only wealthy people were well off in education. I’m going to have to explain that.

“Honestly, my father is the one to thank for my wellbeing. He insisted that I have the best education; my mother was educated as well. I learned to read and write. He also made sure I had an appreciation for art as well as music. Though I must confess, I always had an infinity for politics and history. And my father indulged those interests.” Alexander seemed to take the most interest in what you were saying. Shit, I’m running low on ideas… Okay, Okay, what’s left? How I got here and why… Grand Finale I guess? I don’t know what to say… Fuck, this is going to get personal, I have no other options here. You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Unfortunately, my parents passed from the disease last year. Land and money can’t be passed down to unmarried women so once word of their deaths went around I had several…visitors.” Damn it all.

“There was…one in particular that was, uh, a bit more aggressive than the others. I came back to try and get away from him but he found me. I was lucky to escape before anything really serious could happen.” You couldn’t help but look away from the eyes staring at you.

Eliza was the first one to break the silence. She swiped at her eyes and, after clearing the lump that formed in her throat during your story, she pushed her chair back and rounded the table to get to you. Eliza enveloped you into a warm embrace.

“Oh, you dear, sweet child. How horrible! No lady should ever be put into that situation. And no gentleman should ever press his advantages. I cannot even imagine! No wonder you were in such a disarray when you arrived.” You were taken aback for a moment but you couldn’t help it when you hugged her back. She pulled away and smiled warmly, smoothing down your hair with one hand. Alexander slowly stood up and walked to stand beside his wife.

“I believe I speak for all of us when I say that we would be honored for you to stay here with us.” He said with a proud smile. How are they so nice? Eliza nodded in agreement.

“Yes, Alexander is right. We’ll have a room set up for you in no time.” You didn’t know what to say for a second. You felt guilty for lying to them, even if they weren’t total lies and you knew you couldn’t actually tell the complete truth. All you need is a place to stay until the threads of time shove you back to the time where you belong.  Until then you need to lie low and try not to destroy the space time continuum. Easy, no problem at all.

“You’re too kind to me Eliza, thank you both so much.” You smiled as wide as you could manage but you knew your eyes were still downcast.

“Now I’m sure none of us want to exhaust you anymore so if you need to talk to any of us we will gladly do so. For now, let us all relax and eat supper, you must be starving dear.” Eliza ran her thumb across your cheek before her and Alexander went back to take their seats. You sat down and looked at the seat across from yours. Philip sat silently for a second until your eyes met. He didn’t look at all like he did earlier, no cheeky grin, no playful shine in his eyes, it was all replaced with something that resembled being distraught. He mouthed a sentence to you so that no one could hear him.

“May I speak with you later?”

“Of course, Philly” You mouthed, giving him a weak smile. Eliza and Alexander sat back down in their seats, an oddly comfortable silence filled the room. You looked around to make sure there wasn’t some specific way to eat the food, you settled with just trying to eat it as quickly and quietly as possible. That was kind of hard though, once you took a bite you realized how right Eliza was. You felt like you hadn’t eaten in days. Eliza filled the silence.

“Alexander, love, how was work today?” She smiled at Alexander, he didn’t seem to be happy though.

“He doesn’t even have a real job… Washington should have done something about him.” Was all that you were able to comprehend through his angry mumbles. Eliza heaved a sigh.

“We talked about this Alexander, John Adams has a job. And while we’re at it you must remember that George is no longer in office, he is back in Virginia, Adams is our president now.” Eliza explained. Wait, didn’t he say earlier that he worked under Washington? How can he work under him when Adams is in office?

“Betsy, I refuse to accept that that man is the leader of the country I fought for! He’s arrogant, ignorant and anti-charismatic!” Wow, he really didn’t like Adams did he? I guess I can’t blame him too much, no one really liked him as a follow-up to Washington.

“If that scoundrel thinks that he has the right to call me “Creole Bastard” than he is utterly mistaken!” Alexander spat. That fat motherfucker. Eliza coughed, practically choking on the tea she was sipping, Angie was staring at you with wide eyes, Philip and Alexander had wide grins stretched across their faces. Philip actually looked like he was trying with every ounce of strength in his body to not laugh. Why are they all looking at me like that?

“What did you just say?” Alexander asked with a sort of twinkle in his eyes. Oh no, what did I… Shit did I say that out loud?

“Uh, what? Did I say something?” You shoved a piece of bread into your mouth so that you wouldn’t be able to say anything else. This isn’t good, not only did I just make a reference out loud but it was also something that you probably didn’t hear women say! Nice job with trying to keep a low profile Y/N! Alexander and Philip both started to laugh hysterically.

“A fat motherfucker? That is a rather astute way to describe him actually!” Alexander howled.

“That is quite the slur, I have never heard someone say something such as that so casually!” Philip snorted. Eliza slapped Alexander on the arm and stared menacingly at Philip.

“Alexander! Do not use that sort of language around the children!” I never knew that you could yell quietly until now, Eliza you truly are impressive! You haphazardly ate the bread that was in your mouth, everything was happening so fast, you didn’t even realize how red your face had gotten.

“I am so, so sorry Eliza! That was extremely improper of me!” Eliza shook her head, giving another sigh.

“It is alright Y/N, my husband and son are also at fault for reacting in such a way. Dear, would it be alright if I asked you to watch your speech, at least around the little ones.” Her voice wasn’t quite unpleasant in that moment, it just sounded like a mom who wanted to make sure her children didn’t say something wrong. Which is exactly what she was. How do mom’s sound so nice yet so threatening at the same time? You nodded in a rather exaggerated manner.

“Of course! No problem at all, I’m really sorry…” You ran a hand through your hair to shake it out slightly. Note to self, never cross Eliza. Mom skills too great.

Supper finished relatively quickly after that, Angie and the little boys from earlier plus one more you didn’t recognize were the first to scamper off. Eliza stood up after a little bit and excused herself, she said that she would be in the garden for a little while. Now that you think about it, even for the time period, her clothes were still a bit off. Her dress was almost flat in the front, not figure hugging like most of the clothes in the 18th century, in fact the cloth seemed to pull away from her body. Weird. Alexander coughed softly to get your attention.

“I apologize again Miss Y/N, I promised you talks of literature during supper. If you would like you may join my son and I in the study. Not only can we discuss Shakespeare, as my daughter has told me you enjoy, but we might also converse on our…mutual distaste for…President Adams” Alexander’s voice strained as he said the last two words. Philip looked at you expectantly, he gave you a comforting smile.

“That sounds wonderful, I’d love to join you.” You sat up from your seat and began to follow Alexander down the hall. You matched your pace with Philip’s so that you would walk side by side. He looked down at you and nudged your arm. Looking up at him to see what he wanted he turned his gaze away, pretending he hadn’t done a thing. You chuckled softly and repeated what he did, he gave you a similar response.

All I have to do is not change history, simple right?