#esp now that I don’t have to drive. winter could be so nice. and I wont have it

[monsterhugger]

it’s raining today and I was waiting for the bus home from the plasma center. I was wearing short sleeves with a sweater over it, no jacket, bc that’s easier for donating plasma

and it just occurred to me I should have been cold. I should not be able to wait for the bus in December in a t shirt and light sweater. i shouldn’t be able to take out the trash at work in my short-sleeved uniform in December and be fine. it shouldn’t be RAINING in DECEMBER in the NORTHERN US

[fictive-explosion]

yeah once you're 18 you should be fine if you go to another state, you're an adult legally there, so they don't mess with you

but frankly, there are a lot of dangers you should be aware of for running away

and honestly? If you're close enough to another state get a job in that state and save up enough for rent. You may need 2 jobs but you can get a job well before you're an adult. Maybe you can talk w a coworker and room with them to cut down on rent money.

It's easy to avoid at that point. Don't stay on the streets. There's other options.

Also, consider if you may have an extended relative that's nice. Day before we came out and then left home, we realized our grandmother might be nice enough to let us crash there till we could move in to our planned home. We stay with her a lot. We were expecting to live in our car for a month. One decent family member changed that.

Think about everyone you know, esp relatives. Is there anyone you trust you could move in with in a few years?

So long as you're not in active danger with your family, you're better off there than living on the streets. Seriously. Even if it's uncomfortable. You can have a life outside of it. Once you have a car, you can join clubs, stay at friends places overnight, and get enough freedom to help make it sufferable and save up money. 150 will last you a month if you budget. I caused myself major harm from trying to live off 100 a month in grocery money. Now I pay my dues for that in specialist doctor visits and medicine for my stomach condition I earned from it. You need more than 150. Don't move out until you have a car, at least.

We helped our sister run away when we were younger. Our sister's life with her boyfriend and his family was worse than our parents. She moved back in because for all our parents faults, both of our parents kids ditching them means they are quiet and do not go our of their way anymore to pester us like they used to. So she'll cope with a quiet family of assholes despite the issues since she's cis. She's 26 now living with them. Goes to therapy in secret. I know I couldn't take it. She says she can't stand our grandmother like I can and couldn't take the reverse. Be careful as you weigh your options.

We stayed till we were a legal adult with a runaway bag in case our parents found anything out since death threats were a thing there. Made it to 18 and packed up in the dead of night, told parents of Gender, then booked it.

Sorry if any of this is too dark, I just wanted to give some cautionary tales. Apologies if it is too much. I just want you all to be safe and give some more points to think through.

Thank you for the information. I trust one relative of mine but something about staying near anyone in our family feels risky. I know this shithole is probably better than the streets but I think with proper pre planning I can manage. Hopefully I’ll get a job this summer and I’ll get some decent money I can save. I think my only issue would be winter… it gets hella cold and I don’t wanna play chicken with my life. I’m too terrified to drive but I’m arranging plans with two friends who both will be comfortable driving. I have a lot of time and depending on how things end up I’ll be 17 or 18 by the time I’m ready. Which by then I can just runaway to a state where you’re an adult at 18!

If I’m lucky. I may cave earlier although I hope not to.

[thatfuzzyfamiliarspace]

I’m talking to Alex about it now. But idk I feel like I can’t go into it as much with her. Yesterday was fine and nice but I really really didn’t anticipate the feelings and emotions that were gonna hit me.

Winter wonderland was the last date Thelo and I had before we broke up a few days after. It was so odd to be back there because everything kept reminding me. All the stalls, the rides, the games. Every time I could smell weed it just triggered me. When we left we walked past a group and one of them said “right let’s go smoke now” and I just couldn’t help but think of all the times we’d been there. Walking by the lake after to smoke. Even smoking on the ferris wheel. It was so hard to just try and stay in the moment. Shit kept hitting me hard. And then I’d get all little and excited and Jordan would just snap at me. “Stop running off” don’t swing my arm” “stand next to me” “you get excited about everything you see and want it” “don’t like PDA in public”. Hurts me every time. So with all the emotions of the past being shoved in my face I had him neglecting my little side too. I was trying so hard to just breathe and not have a panic attack. I must’ve cried like 5 or 6 times and he didn’t even notice. It was all so overwhelming. I just wanted to enjoy our time out and I did for the most part. The beginning was just really intense for me. The fun house with the slide really picked me up. Felt fun to mess around with him then. Him winning me my teddy made me happy. It was just at the end of the night where I hadn’t had a drink for hours and only a nibble of food. Ik I should make sure I look after myself. But it’s such a weird thing. When I’m with him I feel little, and I want him to look after me and my needs. I’d ask for food or things and he’d say “after this” and it’s always “later” or “wait”. Then it gets too late. Idk, I don’t have bad feelings towards him as he probs had a lot to think about but I just felt so ill by the end of the night. And he didn’t seem to care much. Thought I was being dramatic about it. Then that triggered me to how Thelo would treat me after I’d been drinking and felt rough with a hangover, all that neglect. It was just sucha turmoil of feelings yesterday. And then him saying when we was getting food on the way home that I “wasn’t being the sub he wants” that just fucked me up, esp after that dream I had the other night.

Like I’m trying. I’m really trying. But it’s so hard when I’m thrown into different mind states. I can’t be his sub when I’m little. I can’t be his sub when I’m feeling the same neglect I’ve felt in the past. He has no idea how hard I tried yesterday. I just wanted to enjoy us being out. But there were all these things coming at me. I don’t want to come across as ungrateful. He kept mentioning the money he was spending. Like I owed him something because of it. I just felt so horrible so many times. I kept picking myself up, would let myself get happy and excited and would get shot down again. I was either too happy or too low. He says he’s still learning to mesh with me. Shouldn’t we have already meshed by now ? He said I would burn myself out if I was to up and happy and excited. But that didn’t burn me out. The emotional turmoil of the memories of my last relationship being brought to the forefront of my mind constantly and the constant shutting down of my little side when I was tryna make myself feel better was burning me out. To the point where I just felt ill by the end of the night. The drinking earlier probably didn’t help, even tho I didn’t feel drunk at all yesterday.

I kept having violent thoughts while we were out too. I remember standing with him while he went to buy tokens, and there was this white Pickett fence next to me. How I just wanted someone to come up, rip one of the planks off and drive it through me. Or someone to shove me so hard it’d ram me into one. Why tf was I thinking of that ? In a place like that where my little side should be in over drive ? I was thinking of hurting myself or someone hurting me ? I was just a constant yo-yo. And then the thought of getting a hotel was just a no. I couldn’t even think of sex at the time. It’s rare when I’m like that but it was sommin I didn’t want at all. I felt gross. I felt so shitted up in the head.

I just feel so anxy. And have done since Friday. I don’t wanna go see my Nan today. I don’t wanna see her dying. I don’t think I even wanna go to his later. I wanna stay here. In my room. I wanna forget about the world outside and just stay here in my little space. Where no one can make me feel bad things. I can just sit and play games and watch things and be comfy. I’m tired of the anxiousness. I don’t feel like I deserve it. I wanna sleep. I want my head to shuttup. I want all the intrusive thoughts and memories to go away. I don’t want her crying anymore. Yesterday was just damaging to her tbh. And I just wanna keep us both away from everyone and everything atm. Nothing gives us comfort or the feeling of being safe. We don’t wanna hurt anymore.

[01010010-posts]

— forget about all the set anniversaries celebrated all over the world, the day you’re living right now is a hundred times more wonderful.

request: Ahh, I love your HCs so much, they just give each of the RK-boys so much individuality?? ❤ Ok, so with Halloween approaching, what do you think is eachs boi's favorite holiday season (Halloween, Christmas, Valentines day etc.) and why?

i had already planned to write something like this at the start of this blog! but it has been a year lmao sorry :( i think this is the longest title i’ve ever put up?? RK900 got his share of snow in this! and RK800-60 his share of halloween in this! actually, they all did

Connor:

• he’d probably say christmas • because he’s a baby that loves socializing and participating in human customs, esp if they are all about being happy n gifting things • but tbh winter reminds him of amanda, and the revolution and all the horrible events that happened while he still wasn’t deviant • which is partly why he worries so much when it snows • and is sure to always have extra warm clothes & gloves for both of you • for this reason is fav holiday is probably the summer solstice • YEAH he knows it’s actually,,,, not a proper holiday nor it’s highly celebrated in the US of A • “but you know, I’ve found that there’s a little village – about a 3 or 4 hours drive – called ‘Kaleva’, it was founded by finnish immigrants in the 1900 and it seems.... really nice. they all gather and eat strawberry shortcake and have a bonfire. sounds fun. at least that’s what wikipedia says—” • just let him take you and go with him whenever he wants • otherwise he won’t shut up about it you know he’s a chatterbox when he puts his software to • but like, really, he’ll be the happiest robot in the whole universe you wouldn’t deny him that right? • of course because if you won’t go he’ll sulk all day and have this utterly adorable and annoying kicked puppy expression • and nobody wants to see that i promise u • besides, there’s no harm in doing something different sometimes, right?? • ps. find a couple of albums to listen to while you’re driving • yes you will sing together silly songs and giggle this is gonna be a nice trip • ok ok bonus: maybe he likes san valentine’s day too fine? • he’s such a slut for clichés as buying flowers, chocolate and weird cards with tons of hearts in it • no really this bitch is a product of capitalism im sorry but he’s totally about that cute merchandise 

RK900:

• there’s no arguing  • it’s DEF christmas  • don’t get him wrong not because of the religious implications or anything of the sort • but the whole getting together, relaxing at home and playing with snow? • that’s the good kush trust me • yeah i know • he’s a workaholic little shit • HOWEVER x-mas is the only holiday he hates to see the end of • plus i mean??? you always gift him cute things and how he’s supposed not to love that?? • how???????? • the only problem is when you don’t clearly hint enough what you actually want • everyone laugh their asses off at this huge bulky droid coming into the DPD with dishevelled hair because he’s spent the night awake searching for the perfect present for you • AND HE STILL HASN’T FOUND IT POOR BOY • smn he’s stupid just a tiny thing will do • because honestly spending every day with him is a gift as it is • it will dawn on him at some point don’t worry • in the meantime enjoy teasing him  • oh yeah forgot, he’s totally gonna kick your butt in a snowball fight • im not joking.......... he gets oddly competitive 

RK800-60:

• you know • we all know • everyone literally know • he adores every single holiday • every single one • BUT if he had to pick • he’d curb his choices to: halloween, april fools & new year • yeah yeah it’s obvious why he said halloween, there’s candy and plenty of kids to play pranks with • .... and april fool’s day p much the same, with less candies :( • the real thing though is new year parties • HE WISHES he could crash at all the new year parties available  • that’s impossible unfortunately :(( • but it’s okay the yearly DPD one is enough • or it can be with you and your friends you know • he’s not hard to please, as long as there’s some tipsy people and cheerfulness all around • and yep, that you drink or not, he’s going to be super mushy and kiss you on whatever occasion • what do you expect?? he can use the rule ‘if you do something it at new year, you’ll be doing it all year’ you won’t stop him • plus it’s good luck win win • romantic fireworks? romantic fireworks but not too loud pwease

[retvenkos]

Hi! Congrats Olive! That's amazing! 🔥 please? Okay Part 1: Im an ISFJ/INFJ, 6w7 and 4w3(i know i know you are only suppose to have 1 but i swear I’m both lol), And a slytherpuff! Straight female. I am very smiley and bubbly but am an introvert(or extroverted introvert) and can be super shy. I am extremely ambitious and loyal My friends call me optimistic and the happy one of the group but I actually suffer from chronic depression, OCD,  and major social anxiety.

Part 2: Also have abandonment issues due to my dad leaving. Can be overly emotional and sensitive. But I I love to laugh and find the positive in situations!  I am a very determined person, if I want something I won’t stop trying until I psychically can’t. When Im in expert in something I sometimes get a slight superiority complex, mainly when someone questions me on it, trying to work on that.I’m a Christian and my faith is very important to me!

Part 3 I LOVE to cuddle and hold hands and hugs but innocent otherwise. I have danced and done theater my whole life and love it and being on stage so much but ultimately decided to into video editing. I LOVE broadway and musicals but can’t sing for crap. I love pink and Disney(worked there twice) and nerdy stuff. Child at heart and old soul at the same time.  Oh and for Disney, Marvel, and Harry Potter please! Thanks so much!

Disney:

I ship you with Flynn Rider!

alright, we already know that flynn has a secret soft side to him, and i 100% believe that you unlock it without trying, on like, the second time you meet flynn.

i want to say that you met flynn fairly early on in his life - when he first got out of the orphanage and was still a thief in training. he probably made some dashing rescue when you were cornered by some thugs, and you thanked him with some coin and maybe a dinner? who knows. both of you are young and neither of you well off financially, so you share what little you have. when he leaves, you noticed he let you keep your money. so he’s a gentleman, huh?

he continues to find reasons to stop by your village, his excuses getting increasingly worse over time. on all of his visits, flynn seems to have the mission of getting to know you better - and you’re not going to easily reveal your secrets. after all, a girl’s gotta look out for herself, doesn’t she?

flynn learns that you are a very ambitious person with a lot of smarts that you’re proud of, and he likes your confidence - it’s something he’s had to build over a lifetime, so he loves the fact that it comes so easily to you.

he also loves your optimism. he used to have it, once, and it’s refreshing to find someone who truly and honestly believes in the world.

getting to know you is slow going, but it also takes time to get to know him, so fair is fair. and the more you learn about each other, the more you want him to stay. you, of course, know about his life on the run as a master thief, and he has hidden in your house plenty of times before.

what’s most interesting about your relationship is that flynn talks about the future with you. you know what you want to do with your life and are working towards it with all the tenacity in the world. you are headed in one direction and nothing can stop you, and that inspires flynn and reminds him of himself. and both of you are going to do all you can.

(if you want to get some angst in this headcanon set, maybe your ambitions take you to the castle - maybe you want to be a healer or someone who offers intellectual council, idk. anyway, your ambitions put you in direct opposition of flynn, and the two of you probably have a few run ins. and while there isn’t animosity and you always let him run free, there is a distance between the two of you. BUT, your time at court doesn’t work out and you have to go back to your roots - to flynn.) 

or! maybe you’re an actress in plays! you know that if you were, flynn would sneak into your shows to watch you and would leave you a single flower after your performance. 

you’re relationship is a lot of fun! it involves a lot of sneaking around, a lot of stolen, soft moments, and then talks at the kitchen table, with the candle burning low and all the world between you two.

ugh, i just love this concept.

Marvel:

I ship you with Peter Parker!

you and peter are the sweetest couple ever, two nerds who probably had feelings for eachother for a long time, but were too shy and awkward to mention them. 

since you mentioned video editing, can i propose the idea of you taking videos of spider-man, not knowing it’s peter? may i propose the idea of you making youtube videos about spider-man and kind of being his hype man in the early stages? may i suggest the idea that you are the reason why spider-man blew up online, and it stresses peter out to no end?

i really want peter to bring you into the fold and tell you that he’s spider-man because you’ve been bringing him a lot of attention and have started making theory videos on who he is and how he got his powers, and the stress of you possibly figuring out and telling the whole world is literally killing him.

then you can work to steer the evidence away from peter and to someone else, lol.

alright, but back to basics - you and peter both have altruistic goals! peter wants to make a difference and you do, too. you’re both kind of quiet in your goals but work toward them with a fervor, and it’s good for both of you to find someone with so much drive and willingness. 

also, the two of you are nerds! you can be nerds together! you would never have to hide your interests from peter and that is honestly such a relief. you definitely geek out over harry potter and all sorts of movies - you’re still trying to sell peter on paying attention to the full lore of star wars, but he really only listens for you and ned.

you both are a little sensitive, but you are able to work through that together. you both are unafraid to lean on the other and be vulnerable with each other, and that’s an exceptional trait to have, so the fact that you employ it so early on is good. 

peter, too, has that young at heart yet old soul vibe to him, and that’s because he’s had to struggle in life. he’s lost a lot of people and is poor, all of which ages him (mcu peter doesn’t really have this vibe, but other spideys do), and yet he is still a teenager! he’s still trying his best and wants to see the world! he has wonder in his eyes, and that makes him young again. you understand how he can be simultaneously both, which is good, because explaining that can be rough, and he also understand that in you. lots of mutual understanding is good for you - esp. since his life is so complicated, being spiderman.

oh! peter also loves watching bootl*gs of musicals with you. the two of you will hang out at his place, eating microwave popcorn while trying to enjoy the shaky video. peter talks a lot through movies, but it’s all good, because if you kiss his cheek, he gets flustered and goes very quiet for at least 10 minutes.

Harry Potter:

I ship you with Draco Malfoy!

okay, you gotta stick with me here, because i promise you i have some thoughts about this

i mostly get post-war vibes. i imagine the two of you didn’t interact a lot at school, and if you did, it was in passing - partners in charms once or twice, nothing that could make the two of you especially hate each other later in life.

i’m going all out and saying you both work in the ministry - in the same or similar departments, both of you working late into the night. you, because of your ceaseless ambitions and draco because working clears his mind from all the horrors of his past.

it first starts out that the two of you pass by each other at night, almost shutting off the lights on the other because you thought you were alone. i imagine that draco approaches you first - he has a problem that you can help him solve, and he’s pleasantly surprised by your pride in what you know and the vehemence with which you state the facts. he didn’t know you were so strong willed. it vaguely reminds him of himself, and that’s where the interaction ends.

after that, though, he’s bridged the gap. now, he’ll come over to you for advice on how to do some of his ministry work - you’re really good in a lot of areas, and you’re incredibly concise. when he comes over to your desk, you now ask him about some of your own challenging problems, and the two of you are work friends, now.

it’s a slow burn to end all slow burns, but eventually draco brings you a cup of tea/coffee/hot chocolate one winter's night when the two of you are working late - his way to say thank you for all of your help. he’s not used to this - reaching out and being nice, but you inspire it in him.

one night he helps you walk some paperwork back to your house - some work you still have to do over the holidays - and he offers his help, if you need it.

i imagine that you don’t exactly want to call draco malfoy over to your apartment during the holidays, so you don’t, but when you realize how far you are behind, you call him over on a saturday and the two of you work all day. it’s mindless filing, mostly, so the two of you have time to talk, if you want to. draco’s pretty silent this whole time, but you are talkative and you eventually get him to crack. you talk about your earliest years at hogwarts. draco rolls his eyes at how dramatic he was and groans at some of his actions. (”remember when you made those “’potter stinks’ buttons? you had a button press in the slytherin common room and gave them out to everyone. i can’t believe snape let you keep a button press!”) the two of you have a lot of tea and you go to get lunch at a restaurant nearby, and when you’re walking back after your meal (where he laughed - actually laughed at something you said) he turns to you and sincerely apologizes for all that he was in his hogwarts years. and because there was never too much bad blood between you two, you shrug off his apology.

and it takes a lot of time for both of you to open up - and i mean a lot of time. you guys steadily become friends who tell each other everything, and it’s you who drags draco to parties with other school mates whom he reconciles with (although he still gives apologies to the main trio, quite often). because you’re a little more extroverted, you bring draco out of his shell while still being introverted in your activities.

you also take draco to your favorite muggle places - the theatre being one of them. i want to say that you go to see les mis or hadestown, because i feel like draco would actually really like those musicals. you also do a lot of movie watching, which draco loves. he gets to set aside his troubles for a few hours or so, and it’s nice.

a few more ideas - you teach draco to cook, you realise draco has a love for poetry and find it very sweet (but you lord it over him, of course), you gossip about your coworkers together, and you star gaze.

EVENTUALLY the two of you get together, and it’s just really sweet. draco’s not big on pda, but he will always give you his arm, or he will hold your hand, and the love is in the gentle stares and soft smiles.

[princess-stabbity]

@demonwrestler​ boy howdy do i have recs for you! took me a lil while to collect my brain, but here’s some of what i’d consider some of the best ones out there rn:

enhanced inquisitor sliders: get lost for hours, trying to get your character’s scars just right! seriously, the extra customization is great.

i also like this mod for improving makeup, tho it makes certain npcs look a bit wild (lord seeker lucius has got wings for DAYS in my game, lmao). also highly rec sos brows.

hair: where to start! updates in frosty have allowed enterprising modders to do some excellent work recreating sims hairstyles or creating their own. i tend to avoid the fancier looks for suspension of disbelief reasons, but one has to appreciate the skill and variety: hairstyle day, misc hairstyles for frosty, curls for frosty, dark’s curly hair conversions, and anto hairstyles for dai are all incredible work. skaramoosh’s work also still holds up, including sk hair pack and sk qunari mini hair pack. for a few other ones i like, i’d suggest tweaked bun, messy hairs, and the many works of koric. 

the main thing to keep in mind when modding hair (and most of these pages include a reminder of this in the description) is that you can only replace each vanilla hair with one mod hair at a time (eg, only one mod that replaces hair 052). they’ll always tell you which hairstyle they’re replacing, you’ve just got to keep track if you’re using multiple at once. also: any npc using the same hair as you will also be changed. 

complexions: you probably already grabbed these, but ascendia’s stuff is largely considered the gold standard for complexions. here are frosty ports for her stuff: [1] [2]. shepshy has a nice one here, if you like moles. you may also want to check out work by kittentails and ihuntalone (haven’t tried them myself, since i don’t think my desktop could handle 4k)

somewhat related: there’s a modpack for qunari under the name susi adaar, and it has a makeup file for them that allows for truly fantastic freckles. also, since i’m here and i am incredibly biased in favor of qunari and dwarves, i thought i’d share a few mods that cater to them, bc i have had to do a damn lot of digging thru hf/ef only stuff:

ornamental horns

bigger horns for femqunari

horns of plenty

scion of glory

the carta cut

dwarven skyhold outfit retextures

dwarven finery

and finally custom body models bc give me my broad shoulders and wide dwarven hips back, you cowards

oh, and on that note, if you’d like a more character-specific look than the intro provides, you can try tirnoney’s immersive starting armors or invisible prologue outfit. and there are dozens and dozens of options for pjs and formal wear, so i’ll just drop these here:

dress: wedding dress replacer for frosty, sk’s mesh edit (works with all retexes!), the dress by jacknifelee, the dress but halloween this time, prestige couture, kittentails’ elf dresses and retexes

formal wear: exquisition for frosty, champagne and truffles, sk’s stuff for frosty, decorated formal wear

pjs: libelula (now including dwarves), brocade outfit (now including men), jammas of the kadan

the good news abt wedding dress edits are every texture works on every inquisitor. no worries abt “only for hf and ef,” unlike with pjs. just have to keep in mind you can only have one retex at a time also it really flattens the figure and the mismatch w skintones drives me nuts. or, if you’d like to just wear a vanilla orlesian dress, padme4000 has recently released orlesian dress for the inquisitor.

and, of course, i’d be remiss if i didn’t mention inquisitor wardrobes. i haven’t used it, bc it’s a bundle and i’m concerned abt conflicts, but it has a lot of fun options.

finally, here’s some stuff for flower crowns, bc we deserve it: [1] [2] [3]

gameplay stuff: 

this playthru i’ve been using inquisitor from the start, which allows you to use all 3 class specializations from the beginning (in fact, if you’re a mage, your starting abilities become spirit blade and stonefist, which takes some adjusting to...). definitely op, and a lot of fun. i’ve been enjoying finally exploring rift mage so much i might make it my adaar’s canon spec.

jerrybullet has made all kinds of other ability tree mods that make things easier and/or more fun, like removing prerequisites. highly recommend checking out his stuff. 

spirit blade nerf revert: bc fuck balance.

i haven’t tried this one by soriyumi, but based on how much i’m enjoying this one of theirs, both are worth mentioning.

necromancy enhanced: haven’t tried it, but i suspect it’s relevant to your interests!

i also recommend going ahead and using someone else’s playthru to unlock the golden nug, bc fuck it. i want the blade of tidarion and i want it now, you know?and everything is easier in tier 4 gear, even if it’s made using tier 1 mats.

which, speaking of, i recommend upgrading a bunch of cool schematics to tier 4 and adding a useful crafting mat shop to redcliffe or even the crossroads. bc i’m all abt fashion and violence. 

oh, and this doesn’t really fit in any of my loose categories here, but: party at the winter palace. and sera mod. both by sapphim, both v good. and here is a bundle mod for getting modded content to show up in dlcs (esp useful in the black emporium, obv).

i did say i had a lot of recs, yeah? lmao

[kelsmister]

SacAnime Summer 2019 Artist Alley Review

June 7-9, 2019 Sacramento Convention Center/Sheraton =============== So after doing the winter show back in January I decided to try my hand again at SacAnime, but this time their second show in June. Already familiar with the airport and area it wasn’t as bad. That is until I got moved to the furthest row. Back in winter I had a middle-ish row and did really, I mean really well, but this time, oh boy. Well here’s the rundown. Airport wasn’t a big deal. Downside the con’s hotel do not offer shuttle services. Meaning my friend and I had to fork over money for an uber. Wasn’t too bad, around $20. Downside lady’s car reeked of cigarettes and she was a chatter box. Yap yap yap. She also took a wrong turn at one point. There’s a major homeless problem in Sacramento, which we past by driving along to the hotel. Tent city, with a soup kitchen not to far away from where we’d be sleeping. Lovely. Oh, and the homeless did creep upon the attendees outside the convention center doors. One lady shouted lovely profanities for anyone who ignored her, which everyone did. Crowds were present, oh boy were they. A sea of heads and costumes as far as the eye could see simba, but alast these people are what we refer to as ‘lookers’. You see they look, but have nothing to pay with, so they treat you with kind words like “Oh lovely” and “I’ll take a card” or the classic “Sorry I’m broke!” Yes, I heard quite a few phrases of this variety throughout the show. While I do appreciate the compliments, those don’t exactly pay my cell bill, or the huge bill I owe for my hard drive fiasco. A few did remember me from the winter show, which while fascinating you recall me but doesn’t help me in the present, esp if you bought something then. Not like that $1 purchase lasts me a year, or in this case 5 months. I wasn’t the only one suffering the cash crunch. Online many were saying the same. Kids just weren’t buying. From what I’ve gathered the problem lies in the dates this con happened. 2 weeks prior was a big con, Fanime. While I have never been, couldn’t attend it as I was at another show back home, I hear it’s a big one for the otakus here. Likewise in a month is AnimeExpo one of the biggest shows. So if kids went broke from Fanime they certainly wouldn’t have recovered enough to buy much stuff two weeks later, let alone if they wanted to save up for their big event later on. So the inexpensive items were what sold, and were the only items I didn’t bring. I normally pack my clearance prints and broken button bins for my Arizona shows, now I regret not bringing said items. Not to mention my neighbors had towering displays all around me. Aisles behind the tables were at bare minimum. Everyone brought photo backdrops, which made the tiny aisles nearly impassible. With someone like me caught in the middle it made bathroom breaks an Indiana Jones style adventure. Hotel was also ho-hum. Their buffet breakfast was super expensive, even with their generous 15% discount with badges, it still came out to $20 a person. Buffet had horrible pancakes, ok bacon, and just meh fruit (which had to be covered with napkins because gnats!). Our room’s tv also had audio problems, it would cut out every other word. Made watching it sort of difficult. Wifi was another issue. Luckily I used my friend’s hotspot, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to take any card sales. With the inexpensive angle again people asked if they could buy $1 items with card. So here’s the take way! PROS: Table is affordable (like $150) 2 Badges per table Decent sized crowds Loyal fans Reasonable walking distance to food areas 7-Eleven across the street very busy Weather is nice A/C inside building (though it is under construction at moment) CONS: Made HALF of winter show 2 weeks after Fanime, kids were broke Bring cheap stuff -$20 prints will NOT sell well- Over saturation of cons in Summer Months (pick another one seriously) Tables side by side, no exits Tiny aisles behind No height restrictions, some displays are massive No water fountains inside alley area No food trucks Center food closed super early, like 3pm Wifi still a problem People were broke after bigger shows This con IS moving for over a year!! -could make or break it!- My suggestion is dropping the summer sac show, unless you’re local. Hotel and airfare alone will kill you, esp since this show IS moving to a completely new area.

[nuald]

Living in Calgary

I've been living in Calgary for 2 years already, and I think it's time to recap few things about living here, pros/cons and possible remedies to the issues you might face here.

Please note that life now is different compared with what you could have even 10 years ago. I guess both Vancouver and Calgary (as those are the only cities I've lived in long enough) were nice for newcomers (by newcomers I've meant people who just moved there and didn't have a lot of money to settle in). Right now, both cities have changed and introduced more obstructions to residents.

That's why despite a lot of cons of Calgary below, it doesn't mean that this city shouldn't be considered for living. It's all about tolerance and life choices. If you have proper expectations, it will be easier to adapt. There are definitely people who love Calgary (esp. if they are mortgage-free and/or love winter activities), and who hate it (e.g. who got their houses ruined by hail or flood).

I'm not going to provide a simple list of pros/cons (as cons for me could be pros for you, for example, long winter season), but rather take the most important areas and describe them.

Services

Calgary is definitely a family-friendly city, much more friendlier than Vancouver. Schools and kindergartens are not so busy and expensive. If you want some particular school, you still need to be in the wait-list though, but if you’re not picky, there are definitely some options available. All levels of education, including universities, are presented.

It’s not a problem to get the family doctor too. Walk-in clinics are not so busy too, and emergency wait times are bearable.

Entertainment options are quite good: museums, libraries, one of biggest YMCA in Canada, Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra, Alberta Ballet, Calgary Zoo etc

However, I have to note the prices of the dental services. Alberta has the highest prices for dental. Historically, oil and gas companies provided full dental coverage and didn’t care much about prices. It’s all changed, but the prices are still high. I hope it’s going to change, but right now please be careful about it.

Transportation

I can’t say much about public transit, I guess it's ok-ish in downtown and not so good in the outskirts, but that's applicable for all cities in general. For reference, in 2020 the single fare for adults is $3.50 for 90 minutes (there are no zones in Calgary). There is CTrain too (light rail transit), but it's not as extensive as in Vancouver. There are some plans to improve it (e.g. add Green Line), but it has been delayed many times already, and it's difficult to predict when they will finish it.

Calgary is a private car city - it has 2 major highways (100 km/h limit) through the city, plus there some long streets and avenues which could be considered minor highways (the speed limit up to 80 km/h). Essentially, you can get to any location in Calgary in 30 minutes on average. I guess the only real traffic jams I’ve seen was during Stampede, and it’s just a week in a year. In general, it’s a real pleasure to drive here, especially if you leave Calgary core and takes any of the scenic routes it has on the outskirts and further in the numerous parks.

Despite that there are few obstacles for being a happy driver here:

 a lot of speed cameras. Speed tickets are a source of income for the city, and sometimes they abuse it. Radars are legal, including hidden mobile radars, and the abuses include sudden speed sign changes and school zones limits which disregard the school days, and enforced from 7am to 9pm everyday including weekends and holidays.

gravel on the road. They use sharp-edged gravel in the winter, and considering speeds on highways and lots of semi, you may forget about having a nice non-cracked windshield and sunroof (I've got huge cracks on both). Glass insurance is not included in the basic packages, and should be bought separately.

a note about insurance. It's not cheaper than ICBC, it's actually more expensive and has more restrictions (at least for immigrants).

a lot of construction. Mostly closer to downtown, but major highways are affected too. Fortunately, there are not many two-lane highways like in BC (mostly 4 or 6 lanes), so the delays are not so huge, but could easily take 20-30 minutes.

My recommendations: don’t buy luxury cars (not only winter tires and windshields are expensive, it’s difficult to maintain the low speed), get glass insurance ASAP, use apps like Waze to check the road condition ahead.

Climate

Calgary has more sun than Vancouver, however I can't say it's a sunny city (I guess Canada just in general doesn't have a lot of sun). Moreover, the sun doesn't matter so much as it doesn't mean that the city is getting a lot of its heat - it has snow for at least 6 months a year (first snow could fall in Sep, but usually it doesn’t stay for long, and the last snow is melted in Apr/May).

Sun is very bright (due to altitude), and the humidity is low. Nice green grass requires either irrigation or rainy days. There is no dedicated line for irrigation, so you would need to use the “drinking” water, and a lot of it.

A note about “drinking” water - its quality definitely worse than in Vancouver (it's quite hard and has other chemicals). While they allow us to drink it from the tap, we don't risk it, plus we don't like having stains on every glass surface we have in the house. Fortunately, it's possible to avoid it with softener (plus we have a reverse osmosis system for actual drinking). It’s not cheap though, but it’s a long term investment that could be worth thinking about (we’ve installed the systems from https://www.jugfree.com/ and they have prices there for reference).

Short summers don't always bring warmth and sun only, but also heavy rains, hail and tornado. Hail damages houses and cars, and the last storm in Calgary (June 2020) has the estimation in damages nearly $1 billion: https://calgaryherald.com/news/local-news/cost-of-damage-from-weekend-storm-could-total-1-billion-nenshi 

Winter is not so harsh though due to Chinook. Visually it looks like huge dark clouds cover the city and the temperature is rising. Even without it, the winter is mild enough, but it's not always good. As the day/night temperature could differ in 20C, the ice (usual or black) is the real issue here, and winter tires are strongly recommended.

My recommendations: South Calgary has a better climate and usually hail is not so bad here (we live in South East). It’s better to avoid the north (besides that, North East has a high crime rate).

Real Estate

The houses are cheaper in Vancouver, definitely. Medium income families can afford decent living conditions here. Surely, nothing fancy, the same overpriced wood frame houses as in North America overall, as the construction lobby is very strong here, and having sound-proof, properly thermal insulated houses, preferably from bricks, is a luxury.

Please note though that the taxes are increasing. As Calgary (and Alberta overall) in a financial crisis (they put in motion a lot of expensive projects when the oil/gas industry boomed, and still couldn’t recover after its collapse), so they burden their problems on residents.

Also, they have tons of other cash grabs there (carbon tax, some administrative fees nobody can explain), so the utilities are not cheap either. Insurance is also one of the highest in Canada (the official excuse is they are losing money because of hail storms and other disasters).

My recommendations: Towns near Calgary could be worth researching (like Okotoks or Chestermere). Surely, there are some disadvantages living there (for example, I’m literally 5 minutes drive from both major highways, so don’t have to deal with the slow traffic), but it’s definitely cheaper. https://www.realtor.ca/ is a Canada-wide database, you can look up the property ahead.

Geography

Calgary has quite a good location if you like nature. It has the unique position to provide access to several big natural areas at once, so if you have bad weather in one region, you can drive to the opposite direction and still find something nice. Please note that Calgary has the international airport with the decent choice of direct flights too.

On the west:

Banff National Park. It's a two hour drive (depending on traffic jams, usually they have some esp. on weekends). Please note that you don’t necessarily need to visit Banff and the park, and can find nice places near Canmore and Kananaskis (K-country).

East K-country, has several provincial parks. More accessible, shorter (1+ hour) drive (not necessary Hwy 1, but also Hwy 22), almost no traffic jams. A lot of ATV options, lakes and mountain hikes.

On the east:

Badlands. Surely, the most famous is Drumheller region (1.5+ hour drive), but they have much more than that as the badlands are presented in many places in Southeast Alberta, like Dinosaur Provincial Park (2h drive).

A lot of lakes with kayaking, fishing and jet skis options. The examples are Lake McGregor (a little over an hour drive) and Lake Newell (2 hours drive).

On the south:

Waterton Lakes National Park, 2.5 hours drive, a lot of activities there, but due to recent forest fires not everything is open.

US border (the traffic is much lighter compared with Vancouver, almost no waits). The prominent examples are Glacier National Park, Montana (3 hours drive) and Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming (10 hours drive).

On the north:

Shortcut to Jasper. While driving through Banff in theory faster (5 hours), in reality due to constructions, traffic jams and two-lane Icefield Parkway it could be faster to drive through Rocky Mountain House (6 hours).

There are a lot of parks there too, we just never got a chance to explore them yet. I guess Big Hill Springs Provincial Park could be an example of those (1 hour drive).

Shopping

It’s easier to shop here due to easy commuting and close availability of the big stores: Costco, Walmart, Superstore, Save-on-Foods, Home Depot, Lowes etc. Definitely, there are big malls (i.e. Chinook Center, CF Market Mall), outlets (i.e. CrossIron Mills) and big specialized stores (i.e. Cabela’s) too.

Diversity is not so good though - mostly North America merchandise. We found only one decent store for Asian products: T&T Supermarket. There are some small Asian stores too (mostly in the North), but they usually don’t have anything extra special compared with T&T.

Seafood options are not so great too (both in restaurants and in stores). Oysters and lobsters are quite uncommon for Calgary. I guess T&T has the best selection, but still less than in Vancouver.

[piesforjack]

LISTEN Y'ALL, HERES A CANADIAN COLLOQUIALISMS AND MANNERS GUIDE

because frankly i’m tired of the misuse of our colloquialisms/slang/vernacular/manners/habits in fic so it’s time for this canadian to set the record straight!!!!!

1. “sorry”

i feel like y'all really miss the boat on this, we (henceforth read as: canadians) say sorry ALL. THE. TIME. it's not a joke!! it's real bad!!! i apologize to furniture when i bump into it, y'all!!!! SO if you wanna give jack and ransom some real authentic canadian lingo, have them apologize for nothing worth apologizing for, not just in excess when they do something actually worthy of apology

examples (all based on REAL LIFE things i’ve done): 

*someone bumps into you* (even though it wasn’t your fault at all) oop sorry! 

*not having exact change in your hand when paying for something so you take a second to pull out a nickel* sorry!

*dropping something near/in front of/beside another person* oh sorry!

*asks for substitution or change to a burger or sandwich* sorry, yeah can i get this instead of this? (and have crippling anxiety while asking  just me? hoookay that sounds fake but!!!)

2. holding the door open

listen i didn’t realize how distinctly canadian this was until i was abroad for 2 weeks and felt the real switch from small acts of manners and kindness replaced with absolutely no fucking care in the world for any human that isn’t you. stairwells and doors and any form of public transportation are an “every person for themselves” kinda deal and it’s weird. i will always hold the door open if i notice someone behind me (if i don’t, you bet ur fuckin ass i apologize for not holding it open) 

examples:

even if i get to a door first, if i notice someone behind me i’ll hold the door open for them and let them go first. this isn’t even an age or sex/gender thing, people will do this for anyone, not just the elderly or the female.

if someone holds the door open for me, i’ll pass through and say thank you and if there’s a second set of doors (like in some bookstores and malls and stuff they have those little foyer-like rooms before the actual store) i will hold the door open for them on the second set. always.

3. “bud”/”buddy”

truly a canadian staple that does not get utilized enough!!!! i can’t think of a single person in my life i haven’t called “buddy” at least once, including my lil ol’ grandmother. though typically when i use “buddy” i’m cussing someone out (see examples below!) we sound particularly minnesotan when we say "buddy” which is why i think a lot of people think we have this ridiculous accent (because FUN FUCKIN FACT: the canadian accent is NOWHERE NEAR THE LEVEL OF MINNESOTAN!!! we. do. not. sound. like. that. only “”””bros””””” (typically hockey bros (see: sidney crosby) or “country” boys (see: literally any fucking canadian boy who hunts/fishes/wears a cowboy hat unironically)) sound like this, the canadian “accent” americans mock? totally fucking fake mOVING ON)

“bud” however, that’s a sweet lil thing. it’s actually very much a term of endearment, so to say, i’ve only ever used it when talking to children and s/o’s. it’s not the only term of endearment canadians ever use (ahem, fic writers take note of that) but it’s definitely one that people use and it’s very cute and soft™

examples:

*cussing someone out over a video game/a joke that i have no comeback for/bad driving/etc.* “get fucked, buddy” “oh you’re fucked, buddy” “yeh fuckin right, buddy” etc. etc.

*accidentally taps child on the back of the head* oop, sorry bud!

*s/o says “i love you”* aw bud, i love you too

AND THE RARE BUT SOMETIMES SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE: “BUDDY” AS ENDEARMENT ie. “aw c’mon, buddy, you’re doing great!” (this is most often done by (hockey) bros to children, but i’m sure there’s other situations where this happens)

4. “oop”

again, another one i didn’t realize was canadian until buzzfeed said so. but tbh i use this one so fucking much i’m so sad that i haven’t seen a single fic where jack or ransom use this. it’s like...oops without the ‘s’? that’s really it, but it’s not just for “oops” situations, it’s like a expletive for many things and you just kinda gotta feel it in ur gut, i can’t really explain how/why i know when to use it so tread lightly, but know that this is probably the most popular right up there with “sorry” in terms of usage.

examples:

*watching hockey, fave team almost scores* oop oop oop! awwww f*#$U$%*#$%*! (they didn’t score) or oop oop oop! YAAAAAAH HELL FUCKIN YEEEEEEEEAH BABY WOOOOO!!!!!!!! (they did)

*bumps into someone* oop sorry!

*surprise burp* oop sorry!

*fumbles with something, almost drops it* oop oop oOP!

*does drop something* oop.. *picks it up*

*dodging and weaving through a crowd* oop, sorry..oop oop sorr-- oop!

5. “no problem”

now my understanding is that this is more an age thing than it is a canadian thing, but i feel like in true polite canadian fashion this phrase gets used more and more by a wider demographic than it originally started with. this is basically a replacement for “you’re welcome” because imo “you’re welcome” makes it sound like you’ve done someone a huge favour for them, and i mean, it seems weird to basically say “yeah, you ARE thankful because I HELPED you so yeah BE THANKFUL!” when someone like..holds the door open, y’know? like i said, i’ve heard this is a generation thing and lots of younger people say this instead, so it could be more widespread, but not many other countries say “thank you” as much as we do, so. who really knows tbh.

examples:

*holds door for someone, they say thank you* no problem! (because really, it wasn’t a problem, it was just the nice thing to do and it didn’t cause me any trouble at all to do it. you don’t have to be thankful for this act of kindness but fuck u if u don’t say thank you for it anyway, buddy)

*works in retail, helps someone find something* no problem! (because again, it’s not a problem, esp in this situation it’s my fucking job to help y’all so like? duh?? but same rules apply, if you don’t say thank u i’ll fucking remember it, pal)

*works in retail, can’t help someone find something, customer has to leave/find something else/etc* “alright, thanks anyway” “yeah no problem, sorry!” (because fucking duh, you get it by now)

6. FUCKING “EH”

HOOO FUCKIN BOY WE NEED TO HAVE A CHAT ABOUT THE ATROCITY THAT IS FIC WRITERS EXCESSIVELY AND IMPROPERLY USING THIS TERM. here’s some things to fucking clarify RIGHT FUCKIN NOW: we DO NOT end every sentence with “eh”, “eh” is not always a fucking question, it’s not said how you think it is, “eh” isn’t always tacked on to any fuckin sentence.

okay cool now that that’s fucking out of the way...”eh” is more often used as a filler word, not always like an “um” or a “uhh”, more like a “hey” or a cheer like “ehhhh!” but it’s not as often used as people like to write it into conversation. as of right now i can’t even remember the last time i used “eh” when i wasn’t making a fuckin mockery of how americans THINK we talk. 

“eh” has different pronunciations as well, each one has a different purpose and place in speech. eh pronounced like “a” is usually a cheer (like “ehhhh!!! we fuckin won!!!), pronounced exactly like its spelled is like a question (like “eh? i can’t hear you.), pronounced like “ayy” or “hey” without the “h” is like a greeting or after someone burns someone with a comeback or ur fave song comes on in the club etc etc

basically, what you’re noticing is that “eh” is actually more widely common than you fuckin think it is. it’s not exclusively canadian, and YES!!! there is the stereotypical “eh?” or “eh!” that certain pockets of people will use, again it sort of falls under that hockey/country bro-ish type (to clarify, because idk if i did this or not, “bro” is a gender neutral term, girls or otherwise can also be bros, i use it neutrally, sorry if that wasn’t clear!) but again!!! it’s not used at every turn and it’s VERY unlikely that if you went up to a canadian with ur shitty “eh?!” impression that they would be anything more than stone-faced and weary at your attempt at humour.

examples:

eh, how are you?

eh, to-may-to to-mah-to

FUCKIN. EH!! (usually an expletive when something amazing happens, usually about sports, usually more specifically about hockey, but u knooow)

*making a decision that takes some thinking* ehhhh...maybe?

*hesitantly wanting to go past/around/through a crowd* eh...excuse me...oop sorry! oh go ahead..no problem!

7. bonus canada facts for fleshing out ur stories/hcs!!!

canada has our own football league, yeah i fucking know. all those tropes about jack and ransom not knowing football? actual garbage, they probably know the basics at the very least. if they like football, ransom probably roots for the toronto argonauts (whom most people fuckin hate, along with the maple leafs (hockey team) because canada has this *thing* with toronto, i won’t get into that right now but just know, majority of canada wants nothin to do with toronto sports teams) and jack probably roots for the montreal alouettes because duh (alternatively he roots for something hella random like the saskatchewan rough riders, whom, as a manitoban, i hate by birthright) some of the CFL rules are different from the NFL but yeah, canada has a football league so. kill that trope.

jack and ransom probably know something about curling and/or can actually curl!! curling, btw, is an ice sport where you throw rocks at other rocks (not like, just any old rocks, it’s...just google it honestly i don’t wanna try and explain curling) i know when i was in school curling was always a part of gym in the winter because we had outdoor rinks nearby or one of my elementary schools actually made a curling rink (with the circles and everything!)

“canadian tuxedo” is double denim. meaning, denim shirt, denim pants = canadian tuxedo. jack is 1000000% guilty of doing this.

canada gets real fuckin cold but it also gets real fuckin hot, especially in central canada but also other places too. jack being overwhelmed by georgian heat is probably real HOWEVER he’s not a total dumbass who can’t function in the heat. canada’s weather is a fuckin gong show regardless of global warming so like, jack will sweat but he will not melt into a puddle

yeah anyway here’s a list of obscure canadian things (and some that are just #90sKidThings) ransom and/or jack probably know/love aka me going tf down memory lane!!!: don’t you put it in your mouth,  stay alert stay safe, the talking tv that scarred me for life, “moooom aiden cut me half again!!!”, they probably believed north american house hippos were a thing for a long ass time because they didn’t understand the point of the commercial, tales from the crypt aka my fave show, the weekenders!!!, jack probably loved art attack because sensory things!! visuals!! calm voice!! basically bob ross for kids!!!, BEAR IN THE BIG BLUE HOUSE!!! HOOOMG, if you don’t know what this is I’M SO SORRY YOU MISSED OUT ON THE BEST THING EVER, ransom 100% had all the stuffies of these guys, out of the mcfuckin bOX, ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM, G2G OFF TO DRAGONLAND, you knew you were up TOO LATE if you were watching this, i could cry this show was so fckn good jack 100% loved this, idk if this was just a canadian thing but i fckn LOVED THIS ONE SO MUCH

honestly i could go on for fuckin ever but i’ll stop because god bless anyone who actually watches all those links lmao

i hope this was helpful!!! not tryna be a twat but i just wanted to clear some stuff up because i feel it’s my duty as a canadian to help y’all out, ok??? okay luv u bye thanks for reading!!!

[kokoro4kakashi]

Tagged by @kagebullshitnojutsu :)

Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you are finished tag people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!

1. Are you named after someone? Don’t think so.

2. When is the last time you cried? Maybe a few tears a few days ago

3. Do you like your handwriting? When I take my time and think about making it nice, yeah

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? peppered turkey, i think!

5. Do you have kids? Nope

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? I think it’d be hard to catch that ‘me’ outside being social but if our paths crossed, I’d hope so

7. Do you use sarcasm? Do I?

8. Do you still have your tonsils? Yup

9. Would you bungee jump? If EVERYTHING looked safe and I’d seen a lot go before me and I wasn’t surrounded by adrenaline junkies who’re just pushing me, maybe

10. What is your favorite kind of cereal? Can’t beat some good old Frosted Flakes

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nupe, but I untie them to put them back on

12. Do you think you’re a strong person? Nupe! In some situations, yes, but in most - nupe

13. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate.

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? If they look ...happy/content... if that makes sense? Like, I look to see if it’s a friendly face

15: Red or pink? Pink

16. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? Curves that make it impossible to order from a catalog.

17. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? dark grey and black socks. ... what a weird question!

18. What was the last thing you ate? steamed rice with general tso chicken

19. What are you listening to right now? CBS Evening News

20. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? some light shade of purple

21. Favorite smell? vanilla

22. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? pizza hut <_<

23. Favorite sport to watch? er... baseball cuz i know the rules, etc

24. Hair color? Brown (with what i am told are natural auburn highlights)

25. Eye color? Brown

26. Do wear contacts? Nupe, but I prolly need em

27. Favorite food to eat? chicken strips and fries >_>

28. Scary movies or comedy? scary! esp bad ones

29: Last movie you watched? Dunno! Haven’t really watched any in recent memory

30. What color shirt are you wearing? light grey sweatshirt

31. Summer or winter? SUMMER. I would rather be hot than freezing. And you don’t have to shovel sunshine to go anywhere.

32. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, I guess... not really a touchy person!

33. What book are you currently reading? ...i need to find one

34. Who do you miss right now? flowering plants

35. What is on your mouse pad? grey.

36. What is the last tv programme you watched? Does the news count? (been glued to it since jan20, heh) ... er, maybe Snapped

37. What is the best sound? Rain. And I recently discovered that rain on snow in the middle of the night is magical :)

38. Rolling Stones or The Beatles? *shrugs*

39. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? like an hour away driving... I AM A HERMIT with shit navigational skillz

40. Do you have a special talent? Nupe! I’m sure someone could find something if they looked at my life, but I don’t think I dooo anything

41. Where were you born? Washington state

42. People you expect to participate in this survey? Anyone! It’s all over the place so of course I tag anyone!

I tag: anyone!

[alxxkim]

December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together.  It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again.  I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise.  I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am.  I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay.  The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him.  I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it.  I wish I realized how unhappy John was.  But there’s nothing I could’ve done.  And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better.  Maybe I need to take the next semester off.  Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am.  But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed.  He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA  And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to  smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that. 

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see.  I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to.  Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba 

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think.  fucking kill me. i just want to have free time

[everyone-is-lovelyy]

1. If you had to choose, whiskey or tequila? Why? Whiskey. I feel like you grow out of tequilla haha unless you drink it ironically. I’m no expert at whiskey but I like it sometimes, esp during winter  2. While doing school work, do you take your time or do you try to get it done as quickly as possible? I prefer to take time because the quality of my work is much better then and I feel like I am actually enveloped in what I am learning or writing about. Usually during intense exam periods I find myself rushing to finish but it ends up being quite counterproductive 3. When did you last wear a scrunchi? Right now!  4. If you were a writer, what would you write about most? Creative non-fiction I think, I love that genre so much. But I think I’d enjoy writing children’s books too, I’ve always loved them so much. I like critiques and reviews a lot too, it’s such a great form for writing and I love reading that kind of stuff in the mornings. Academic texts are pretty amazing too if you find topics that interest you, they usually end up blowing your mind. Looking at your Haraway.

5. Do you sometimes yell to get your point across? Not unless I’m fighting with someone in which case I get riled up. 

6. If you get a period, what symptoms do you get when you PMS? I get the usual stomach bloating and desire to devour everything IN SIGHT. My physical PMS pains are kept somewhat under control thanks to the birth control I take. However, emotionally I am a mess. 7. Is there anyone at your school with a cool accent? What kind of accent is it? Belgrade is not too diverse so most of us have a similar accent.  8. What is stressing you out most right now? Today is actually the first day in many a days that nothing is really stressing me out too much. Like I am feeling things and they are not all necessarily positive emotions but no stress. 9. Are you more smart and thoughtful or understanding and kind? Oof I really do not know. I think I am more so understanding and kind? I’m not the most thoughtful person but I think I’ve gotten to be a lot smarter in regards to this lately. 10. Who last asked you for a favor? What was it? My mom, to buy her some stuff from the pharmacy. 11. If you had to decide, what do you think people envy about you? Probably my privilege in regards to how I’ve grown up and the opportunities I’ve had, who my father is. I don’t what else, I don’t see myself that way so it makes me really uncomfortable to even think about this haha 12. If you want to get your crush’s attention, what do you do? I...don’t know? Just speak to them I suppose? Try to get to know them? I really don’t know, is there a strategy to this? 13. How long have you been single or in a relationship for? In a relationship for a year and 3 months almost 14. Are you closer to your friends or family? I think it’s a fair balance since I am really close to both

15. Do you know what you’re going to wear tomorrow? No idea, probably something similar to today haha. It depends on what I end up doing

16. Do you use white strips or anything else to whiten your teeth? Nope. 17. Are there any special events coming up? What are they? Nothing really specifically special, just nice everyday life things :3 18. When it comes to strangers, how trusting are you? Not at all trusting, it takes me months to trust friends or partners. Let alone randoms. I am always a bit on the lookout for getting hurt or manipulated. 19. If someone insults/makes fun of you, what do you do?  Use my terrifying sarcasm to slowly but surely destroy their lives. HAH 20. What color do you think represents your personality? something like a pastel blue ranging to a dark blue or a bright, deep red 21. Would you rather drive on a long straight highway or windy backroads? Windy backroads always! 23. What is the fastest you’ve ever gone in a car? Not too fast because my driving is a JOKE.  24. Have you ever seen someone break their bone in real life? No, sounds terrifying though. I have never broken a bone or had any sort of severe injury in that regard so I can’t even imagine 25. If you got to choose an animal to disappear forever, what would it be? Why? Uh, the one in the white house. <– agreed! <--- Absolutely, claps to this kween <3 26. What are the keys of your heart? Animals, laughing, cups of coffee and reading, writing something not shit, love, love, love. 27. Are you sometimes a control freak? If one can be a control freak while also simultaneously letting their life spiral out of control well then that’s yours truly. 28. If you’re online right now, do you have an away message up? What does it say? Yes HAHA it says “Right?? How fragile can your ego be my boy?? Sit yo ass down” HAHAHAHA 29. Do you know what your GPA is? Currently bordering on 9/10 but I still have 3 more exams left! 30. If you got to pick any winter sport to excel at, what would it be?  Skiing! I loved it so much when I tried but it’s so expensive to organize skiing trips. But I would really love to get better at it 31. Does it piss you off when people interrupt you? Yeah, it really frustrates me. I don’t mind heated conversations or debates where people speak over others, that’s fine, but when someone adamantly ignores you using your voice, I go nuts. 

32. What event did you last dress up for? Who went to that event? 
 Going out last Friday night. I mean “dress up”, I just wore new heels I bought. Peca and I, it turned out to be a shit night but oh well.

33. What was the last picture you took with your phone? My mom sitting under a bunch of beautiful trees at kalemegdan

34. Are you a fashion-conscious person? Where do you buy most of your clothes? Somewhat! I love clothes although my style is actually very simple but I love it that way. I adore Zara, I am honestly adorned in Zara head to toe usually. And then I’ll pick up random things wherever I find them. I love Supergas and desperately want a new pair soon! And I like finding old sunglasses in local vintage shops and such 35. Do you have trouble waking up in the morning? What gets you up and awake? Nah, not really. It takes me a little while because I like laying in bed, scrolling through social media (sigh) and esp listening to podcasts in the morning. But is all good :)

36. What’s something fun you’ve done this week? Who was there? 
 Well it’s only Monday but today was fun. Just getting to this cafe early before my friends came, reading this local paper called LiceUlice which I love and it was a lovely day and leaves were falling from the trees but it was warm. Yeah, pretty ordinary but it was fun.

37. What’s the last thing you texted someone about? Planning with Petar what we want to make for dinner tonight :)

38. When and why did you last blush? 
 I’m not sure.

39. Do you currently have a favorite song? What is it? 
 Dusty Springfield - Son of a Preacher Man and Paul Martin - Le troublant temoignage de paul martin

40. What is one thing you and your best friend have in common physically? 
We currently both have blonde hair? We honestly look so different physically so not much

41. Now based on your interests, what is one thing you both have in common? Political opinions, we both love terrible reality tv and rom-coms and she loves mystery novels which I am getting into now too!

42. What, if anything, is hanging on your refrigerator? 
 A sushi menu, a photo of me that my sister took, a bunch of magnets.

43. What is the last illegal thing you did, even the smallest crime? Probably smoking weed in the street? And crossing the street on a red light

44. How much did each individual thing you’re wearing cost? Not too much really, my shirt was on sale for 10 euro and I got my culottes for like 20 and my necklace was a cheap find at H&M

45. Is that the normal amount you spend on clothes? Yeah, it’s standard I’d say

46. Do you collect anything? Have you ever? Stones and seashells! I like postcards as well and mugs or coffee cups from places I travel.

47. What languages do you speak? 
 English and Serbian, a bit of Greek but it’s pretty bad (I can understand more so than I can speak) and a wee bit of Italian

50. Where do your grandparents live? All my grandparents have passed away. Wow. That’s really sad to think about actually.

51. When is the next time you’re going on vacation? Where to? I am going to Holland middle of November! SHOOK-ETH. To the Hague and to Amsterdam for a little little bit if we manage to organize ourselves :D

52. How well do you do in school? How are your grades compared to your siblings? I am a pretty good student at uni, I mean I try hard. And I could have done a lot better too if my attendance wasn’t so shit but oh well, YOUTH. My sister was good at university too so I’d say we are about the same. 53. Does your family eat dinner together? Who does the cooking? 
 Not really but we eat lunch together sometimes! So that’s nice. My mom usually but sometimes my dad orders in some lovely food

54. Are you usually motivated to work or are you a procrastinator?
 Mostly motivated unless I’m going through a bad phase

55. Has the last month been really stressful for you? Yeah even though I technically haven’t had any obligations but I think that’s what has been stressful for me. It’s insane for the first time since kindergarten having this open space ahead of you without any rules or structure. It’s starting to feel liberating rn but was awful the past few weeks. 

56. What do you base first impressions on? (Behavior, clothing, etc.)
 Sadly I do base some of it on clothing and such. Not as a judgement, just that I think that style and such reflects character. But also just the way someone speaks and to what degree they are open, I have a good intuition about that sort of stuff

57. Who do you know that is a vegetarian? How about a vegan? 
 A few people and a ton of my mom’s friends are vegan, effing yogis I love them.

58. When is the last time you went out to dinner with a friend? Where did you go? Who paid?
 Umm peca and I got wok (this thai place) last Saturday. Does that count? We split.  59. What was the last thing to surprise you? Hmm my mama bought me flowers today. Which was surprising because we got into a nasty fight the other day and haven’t really discussed it yet. But yeah, it warmed my heart a little bit.

[buildercar]

New Post has been published on http://www.buildercar.com/five-cars-i-wish-id-never-sold/

Five Cars I Wish I’d Never Sold

I’m the type of person who looks forward, not back, in life. I don’t struggle with an attachment to material possessions. When I sell something, I usually have a “don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out” attitude and move on. But there are a handful of automobiles I’ve owned that I miss and I’d love to have back in my garage.

1986 Audi 5000CS Turbo Quattro

An Audi 200 Turbo Quattro won the 1987 Safari rally outright, the first time an all-wheel-drive vehicle finished on the top step of the podium at the grueling African event. Being a rally nut, when a close friend’s father decided to sell his 1986 Audi 5000CS Turbo Quattro (the U.S. version of the 200) in the early 1990s, I couldn’t say no to the opportunity.

I loved that big Audi. The off-beat five-cylinder engine had a glorious soundtrack and the addition of the optional factory Fuchs 15-by-7-inch forged wheels shod with sticky Yokohama AVS Intermediate tires meant summer dry and wet grip was enormous. For winter duty, I fitted a set of Pirelli winter tires to the stock 15-by-6-inch wheels. I felt like rally god Hannu Mikkola as I dominated the snow-covered roads of Michigan in the Audi sedan, tapping the ABS off button to fully disable the antilock brakes for maximum left-foot braking fun.

There was one particularly snowy day when a friend’s pickup couldn’t make it up a steep hill, but a flick of the rotary switch in the 5000 locked the center and rear differentials, allowing the seemingly feeble German sports sedan to claw its way effortlessly to the top. When the snow melted and the Fuchs were bolted back on, I saw nearly 140 mph on the speedometer more than once. The Audi 5000CS Turbo Quattro was a jack of all trades sedan, and I loved it.

2002 and 2003 Mini Cooper S

I put a $500 deposit down at two Mini dealerships in Chicago before there were even Mini dealerships in the U.S. Logic told me the two biggest BMW stores in the Windy City would get the Mini franchise, and I was right. As such, I secured one the first Mini Cooper S models to land in North America in the spring of 2002. What a fantastic car.

The characterful supercharged engine and slick, six-speed manual gearbox worked brilliantly together. Its large, 17-inch wheels with run-flat tires gave an extremely harsh ride, but the wonderful steering and overall grip compensated. I felt like a rock star around Grand Rapids, Michigan.

It’s easy to forget just what a crazy concept the Mini was for the U.S. some 15 years ago. It caused both enthusiasts and the car clueless to stop me for a chat about my British hatchback. I sold that first red with a white roof 2002 Mini Cooper S for a profit in the fall of 2002 and ordered a silver 2003 with a black roof to my exact OCD specs. I also binned the standard run-flat tires for more conventional performance rubber, improving the ride quality and overall handling tremendously. That second Mini stuck around for a year or so, until I decided it was time to return to my all-wheel-drive rally routes.

2002 Subaru Impreza WRX

The WRX was my first Japanese car. I was a tried and true Euro snob until I began to realize that most Audi products had become too big, heavy, and expensive for proper winter thrashing duties. I found a lightly used, adult-owned WRX just before the snow arrived in late 2003: silver exterior, five-speed manual gearbox sans the tacky rear wing. A set of Dunlop SP Winter Sport M3 performance winter tires quickly took their place on the stock 16-inch wheels, and the slippery-road fun quickly began.

The gearbox was positive, the seats fit me perfectly, and the engine made great power — well, as long as you kept at least 3,000 rpm on the tachometer. I’d jump railroad tracks and anything else I could find, but I couldn’t seem to exhaust the extensive suspension travel. A trick modification to the ratcheting mechanism on the handbrake made low-speed turns and general hooliganism easy and the all-wheel-drive system with a limited-slip center and rear differential helped WRX be far less understeer prone than my previous Audi models. The WRX was also the last car I’ve owned that lacked stability control. I’m a huge fan of the brilliant safety feature, but there is something to be said about the top-spec car control that’s needed to drive a car lacking ESP quickly in the snow.

2008 BMW 328i

When I departed my full-time duties at Automobile magazine in 2009, I needed a car. Rotating through various BMW press cars enlightened me to their overall dynamic brilliance. Yes, the German company has lost the plot to a certain degree as of late, but the E90 3 Series was a fantastic car in sedan form.

I picked up a slightly used 2008 BMW 328i to serve as my new daily driver. Of course, it had a six-speed manual gearbox, rear-wheel drive, and the sport package. The combination of run-flat tires and stiff suspension wasn’t perfect for Michigan’s crumbling roads, but at least the 328i came with 17-inch wheels versus the larger and heavier 18-inch setup. BMW’s naturally aspirated inline-six made great power and was smooth, smooth, smooth. It was also frugal, returning more than 30 mpg on 80-mph highway runs. I loved the buttery, meaty steering and the overall chassis balance. The heated seats were quick to warm my bottom on a cold winter’s morning and a set of winter tires combined with nicely judged stability control made the 328i an excellent vehicle for the coldest season of the year.

I vividly remember driving along an empty stretch of arrow-straight highway in Northern Michigan one particularly gorgeous summer’s evening with my mother-in-law riding shotgun. Eager to get home to my wife — and away from my mother-in-law — I scooted the BMW sedan up to an indicated 150 mph. It was rock solid, and I recall my passenger only piping up to ask why the wind noise seemed to have grown louder during the high-speed dash. I spent extended time in a couple of facelifted E90s, but none had the pace or overall feel of the lightly optioned 328i. When the present F30 3 Series hit the market, I quickly secured some seat time. I was disappointed. Sure, it rode better, had more torque, and offered a nice bump in interior space, but something was lost. Let’s hope BMW remembers the E90 when the next 3 Series hits the market.

2013 Scion FR-S

I sold the Scion FR-S to get a new Ford Focus RS in the spring of 2016. Now I want the FR-S back. Yes, the 350 hp, all-wheel-drive hatchback affixed with Blue Oval badges is faster and more practical, but I miss the purity and simplicity of the rear-wheel drive Japanese coupe.

I don’t do a ton of road trips in my personal car. Those are usually left for my wife’s car or various press cars. My drive to the office is short and not super exciting. The FR-S made each and every journey a pleasure. It’s not a fast car, but the lack of outright pace allows you to more regularly wring-out the engine and drive the FR-S hard without attracting the attention of Johnny Law. The low-grip Michelin summer tires and approachable chassis dynamics add to the entertaining package. A set of 16-inch steel wheels and winter tires along with aftermarket seat heaters made the Scion an impressive companion in the snow — and huge fun.

I also loved the seats, something that can’t be said for the overly bolstered Recaro setup in the Focus RS. The FR-S was also frugal on fuel. Again, not the case with the Ford. Sure, the Japanese 2+2 coupe is loud on the highway and rather basic inside, but I can live with that considering all the positives that come along with the under-$30K package. Plus, it rides better than the ultra-stiff Focus RS.

I don’t think automotive enthusiasts fully realize just how diluted modern cars have become. As more buttons and switches for various drive modes are added, something is lost. Spending time in a car like the FR-S (called the Toyota 86 for 2017) or its twin, the Subaru BRZ, clearly reminds you of this fact. Porsche seems to understand this with cars like the Cayman GT4 and 911 R, but they are expensive. My hope is that more car companies get on board offering simplistic automobiles, preferably at a reasonable price. In the meantime, I’ve missed the FR-S so much that I recently placed an order for a 2017 Toyota 86. I can’t wait for its arrival, and I hope the subtle improvements translate to an even better car for my needs in the real world.

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