#esp considering Drew has no problem talking to other girls

[yourqueenb]

“Drew only does casual”

“Drew doesn’t do commitment”

Ok that’s fine, but girl are you good with that??

[flying-elliska]

What are the important bisexual characters that you said helped you? I am having a hard time finding good bi representation in which they aren’t considered promiscuous or unstable

Hiya anon ! What a quality question, thank you ! Here’s another mini essay about bi rep lmao.  If there are some that I forgot please tell me ! And to everyone, tell me about the bi characters who made an impact on your life, I’d love to know !!!!

Okay so.

-  When I answered the anon and talked about the characters that helped me come to terms with my sexuality, I talked about two in particular. Jack Harkness from Torchwood is depicted as very promiscuous, and somewhat instable. He still meant a lot to me because a) him sleeping around was never that much of a problem, it was because he was from the future, where things were different, which I thought was refreshing and b) his instability was because of the weight of being an immortal hero. Also fanon!Dean Winchester from SPN, as an older, more macho, emotionally witholding, badass dude written as bi meant a lot to me, but he doesn’t really avoid that stereotype either. But at least they were heroes.  However, I can understand wanting bi characters that actually don’t fit that stereotype, because bi people irl aren’t all like that, even if there is nothing wrong per se about sleeping with a lot of different people, or having mental issues to struggle with. And that was a while ago and now we have more and more cool characters ! Such as :

- Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. One of the best portrayals of bisexuality on TV imho. She didn’t start out as bi, she was this tough, cool, scary but with a heart of gold cop who had a lot of other plotlines before. But then, since they saw that a lot of wlw got this vibe from her, were really into her, and the actress came out as bi herself, they decided to use this. So it was super organic, and the way they introduced the subject was true to Rosa herself ; she’s a super private person, she doesn’t like anybody knowing about her life (it’s actually a running joke and Rosa Diaz has been implied to not even be her real name). But then she is dating a woman, and struggles with her parents not understanding and her coworkers find out, help her and support her. Her gay captain is there for her in his typical stoic but hilarious way. They organize game night with her when her parents won’t anymore. We see her crushing on women and dating, but it is treated exactly as the other character’s love life, they never make a big deal out of it. She isn’t the token queer character. She says outright she is bisexual and there is a specific point about her mom not understanding it’s not a phase and thinking she’ll end up with a man anyway, which #relatable. The focus is on the team as found family. Also right now she’s dating a butch woman, which is awesome since they are so underrepresented on TV and I hope we see more of her. That show really is my comfort show, it’s still bloodly hilarious and it really transcends the format to say some really deep woke stuff too, but never in a way that feels on the nose. Everyone should watch it tbh. 

- Korrasami ! Oh my god, I was so blown away when they got together. They’re two characters from the animated series Legend of Korra, they start out as rivals in love who have feelings for the same guy, but as they have to fight baddies together, they become bestest of friends, and both fall out of love with the guy. Then in season 3 and 4, their relationship becomes central to the show, as Asami stands by Korra through some really tough shit. Also, they’re both ultra badass and fight really well together. A lot of fans started reading their chemistry as romantic, but we’d never thought they’d actually go there. But the show ends with them walking into the ‘sunset’ (well, the spirit lands) together, holding hands. Now, it was never completely explicit on the show BUT they were dealing with a lot of censure from the networks and you have to be willingly obtuse not to read it as romantic. And after that the creators drew them on dates, and there is a comic series in which they are shown kissing, talking about their feelings, introducing each other to their families, etc. It made me feel so validated when it happened, and I just adore the whole ‘love triangle ditches the middle one and fall in gay love with each other’ trope. (is it a trope yet ? it should be.) It’s still a kids show at its core, but it has amazing depth and deals with some very deep shit. Korra starts off as a bit annoying but she has a really cool development, she’s a girl character we need more of - brave, dynamic but also brash and reckless and action driven in ways that are almost always exclusively shown for boys. And Asami is a more typical girly girl but she’s also a brilliant engineer and has a spine of steel and she’s also very slyly funny. They’re amazing. And the comics are super cute. 

- Now there are a lot of characters who are bi/pan that I love, and are good characters in themselves, but their arcs do intersect in some ways with promiscuity and mental instability. I’m thinking about Even from Skam and all his remake variants, Magnus Bane from Shadowhunters, several characters from Black Sails, Sarah Lance and Constantine from Legends of Tomorrow, Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, Bo from Lost Girl, Ilana from Broad City, Joe McMillan from Halt and Catch Fire, God/Chuck from Supernatural (lmaooooo), several characters on Penny Dreadful, or in a totally different category, Vilanelle from Killing Eve or Hannibal from the series (who are hella bad guys but it’s never linked to their sexuality, and are also incredibly compelling to watch.)

 And even though these characters taken individually, I would argue, are good rep because they’re complex and layered and interesting and never one-dimensional (and watching them feels incredibly empowering at times)....it’s still a trend. I feel like when writing a character that is attracted to multiple genders, there is always this sort of...tangle of tropes that writers default to, unconsciously. Some negative and some positive. It used to be this trope of bis being villainous, instable, jealous, flaky, immature, perverted, manipulative, cheaters, amoral, greey, etc...and then it evolved into something of a reclaiming and subverting this trope. So now you feel like the Bi Character kind of has to be badass, glamorous, seductive, often superpowered or extraordinary in other ways.. And they also for multiple reasons (they’re immortal, they’re sensitive artist souls, they’re from the future, they’re psycho, they’re exccentric comic relief, they’re daring adventurers and pioneers) don’t care about social norms which allows them to sleep and fall in love with whomever. And so they tend to have those super busy romantic/sexual histories and very troubled backstories. In the past it was a bad thing, now it’s often presented as this positive, enlightened or at least fun and badass thing. They’re heroic, with big hearts, a tremendous lust for life and a cool rebellious attitude. They’re complex, dramatic, tortured. Which can be super cool, too. 

But it would be nice to have more ‘normal’ bi characters. I mean, boring bisexuals need to see themselves represented too ! Our sexualities don’t give us super powers. At the same time, it is true that bisexual ppl have higher rates of mental illness, which deserves to be explored, but it would be nice if it was actually articulated and not just part of this trope.  But still. We need rep, I think, that is more grounded and varied. So I think that’s also why I read a lot of fanfic. (I was really into the idea of bi Steve Rogers for a long time, partly also because he’s both very mentally resilient, kinda boring in a good way, and very unexperienced in terms of sex/romance, which is pretty much the opposite of the trope)

- I think books, and YA in general, are a good place to find these ‘normal bis’ characters. I’m thinking in particular of Leah from Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (from the same book series that gave us the ‘Love, Simon’ movie) which is a super sweet coming of age/romance story about a super normal teenager who just happens to be also into girls (esp her best friend) and is loud and funny and very lovable and has zero doubts about being bi. You also have Adam Parrish from the Raven Cycle, another one of my forever faves ; he has an abusive family so PTSD from that but it never feels tropey, and it’s completely detached from his sexuality. He has magic powers, too. But his character feels completely opposite to the trope. He’s hardworking, somewhat withholding, prickly (and sometimes awkward), ambitious, determined, down to earth, and has a beautiful love story with another boy. And also Jane, from Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore, also really cool ; she’s a nerdy, smart girl who is actually inspired by Jane Eyre who has cool adventures in a weird house where we can follow her on different paths depending on the choices she makes, several of which are love stories. And finally the main character from The Seven Husbands from Evelyn Hugo, kinda fits the trope yeahhh since she’s a super glam actress who well, has seven husbands but it’s a pretty clever deconstruction since it turns out (slight spoilers) that Evelyn is actually through most of her life faithful in heart to the same person and the rest is mostly out of necessity, and her story feels very real and raw and down to earth. 

- I don’t go there yet but I really want to check out Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Schitt’s Creek which I have read have very good bi rep. And I want to catch up on Orphan Black (Cosima and Delphine both don’t have exact labels but they’re multi-gender attracted and they’re this cool couple of scientists in a relationship that gets a happy ending). I will never forgive what they did to Lexa so I stopped watching but I do think that Clarke Griffin from The 100 is very good bi rep. Alexia from Skam France, meanwhile, is a bit of a boundary case for me because, even though she’s presented as the ‘weird one’ from the group, very colorful and liberated and exccentric, she’s still a very normal teen who’s happy and comfortable in her own skin, which is awesome. 

- Disclaimer, I included characters in here that are also pan/omnisexual or don’t have a label but are attracted to several genders, for the purpose of this discussion i don’t think the difference is all that relevant at least to me (i mostly identify as bi for the sake of simplicity but tbh i could also fit under pan so i feel represented by all those characters). But I understand the importance of characters that state their identities more clearly and with pride. 

- So in conclusion : there is nothing wrong with having a sexually active life or struggling mentally (even tho that one is not fun). And I do love all my badass casanova time travelling super powered bis. 

But we need more bi characters that don’t fit that trope. We need bi characters in children’s shows, or that don’t have more than one relationship, or that don’t have a relationship at all, to break the tendency to always show bisexual ppl as overly sexual. We need bi characters in committed relationships to break this idea that bi characters are bound to cheat or can’t be satisified with only one person. We need bi characters that are mentally stable and successful and happy, to show that it’s possible. We need bi characters that are boring, bookish, nerdy, ordinary, clumsy, not particularly seductive, socially awkward, rule-sticklers, etc...to show that bi people are not all party animals, or doing it for attention, or to be wild, rebellious and socially progressive. It’s just a sexuality, it doesn’t say anything about your personality. Even though there are some correlations with MI or being bi might bring you in contact with more progressive ideas and to see life a bit differently, there is nothing automatic about it. 

- In conclusion, reading testimonies from real people also helped me a lot. It’s a very dated but I got the book “ Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out “ when I was struggling with my own sexuality and it helped a lot, to read that even back then (1991) you had all sorts of regular ppl claiming to be bi and that it was not a phase or a fad or whatever. 

[franeridart]

Whats your opinion on the headcanon that bakugou is hard of hearing because of how loud his explosions are? If you dont mind my asking

I think I answered this q on this blog already? Maybe? But anyway, I don’t exactly mind it, but I can’t say I share the headcanon myself - for one, because I’m of the opinion that their bodies are built to withstand a safe use of their quirks (a bit like you can’t break a leg by simply walking, you know), so in general I’m not a fan of headcanons that include damages caused by simply doing what their bodies were born to do? 

But also because generally, even under the assumption that his body isn’t made to hold up with his explosions, isn’t it awfully convenient how only his ears take damage in these scenarios? What about his eyes? How come he can still see with no problems even with the continuous exposure to the explosions’ light? How about his hair? How come he can stand so close to fire without it ever being damaged by it? His palms have thicker skin and we know that thanks to his UA file, but what about the rest of his body? How come he can stand smack in the middle of an Howitzer Impact without getting even slightly burnt? When you say “only his ears aren’t made to withstand his explosions” what you’re telling me is that his whole body is tailord to deal with his quirk but his ears, and that just feels unrealistic to me - by which I mean, when this is the scenario we’re talking about, you can’t give the fault of the damage to Bakugou’s quirk. It’s a problem his body has, not a natural consequence of having that sort of quirk. And imho with those premises you sort of end up with a different kind of story, you’re supposed to write it differently - that’s what I think, at least

Anon said:Maybe the reason Baku raises his voice so often is because he can’t hear very well, which isn’t due to his explosions, rather, he was born with bad hearing to protect him from taking damage by them.. and then his other senses are sharper to even it out, and his body can even subconsciously notice air vibrations, resulting in really fast reflexes.

Ah, this is also another reason why I’m not a huge fan of the headcanon - don’t get me wrong! If you like it then go on, I’m not trying to stop anyone from enjoying ideas and possibilities!! But personally I like Bakugou not having any reason to be loud-mouthed and rude, that’s just his personality and how the environment he grew up in made him, and lately I’ve seen the hc used to justify his behaviour more than I like? Bakugou being an asshole is just who he is, and I love it! I love that his life made him like that and I love that he’s working hard to fix that flaw, giving him an external reason, something he has no control over, to justify his personality changes the core of his character too much, and that’s not something I’d ever want to do tbh

And it’s also cool to think that he was somewhat genetically engineered to be better in a fight to compensate for a lack of earing (though again, why only his ears and not his eyes or his sense of tact too), but that goes to cut on all the hard work he put in becoming as good as he is, right? If that’s what you like than who am I to stop you! But Bakugou’s hardworking nature is one of the things I love about him, I don’t really feel like taking away from him all the effort and work he put through the years in becoming as good as he is now

Anon said: Kiri’s grades suddenly getting sky high after Baku started kissing his cheek for every correct answer

Kirishima: “OKAY NEXT CHAPTER LET’S GO”

Bakugou: “the fuck, no, we’re done, that’s how far we went in cla–”

Kirishima: “GOING A BIT AHEAD CAN’T BE A PROBLEM CAN IT”

Anon said: Kiri is seriously talented at dirt doodles

lmao it’s just stickmen hahaha

Anon said:aww your miri/tama collage is so precious! have you considered doing something like that for kiri/ kami as well? those boys are in desperate need of some love.. totally understand if not! have a wonderful rest of your day/night :3

Uh, well, it’s not like I “haven’t considered” doing it, but more than a collage it’s… just how I always draw? Only usually I cut the pics for each of them to be a different image so they’re easier to see, while yesterday I was too lazy to do that and left them all on the same canvas haha so I guess yeah next time I’ll feel like drawing krkm if you’d like I can leave the drawings all in one pic, that’s just less work for me after all lol

Anon said:Ahhhhhh~ I had had… Such a need for miritama after that chapter and I couldn’t find anything w the right feel or anything and ??? Then you just??? Bless you thank you they look wonderful and so so soft and happy and I’m just !!!

AHHHH!!!! Thank you so much!!!! I’m glad you liked them :O

Anon said:thank you good lord you’re gonna help me get out of the depressive spiral chapter 152 has put me into

BOI ANON DON’T I FEEL YOU it’s why I drew those to being with hahaha

Anon said:DUDE YOUR PINING KIRISHIMA GOT ME DEAD HOLY FUCK SO PURE SO AWESOME 10/10

THANK YOU!!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 

Anon said: I just recently became obsessed with MomoJirou because it’s an incredible ship and I can’t get enough and then you give us these adorable drawings of them? I cry

Anon said:fran….your girls…… they’re so good……..

Anon said:I love how you drew Momo 😍

Anon said:FRAN THANK YOU FOR THE MOMOJIROU CONTENT I LOVE IT I LIVE FOR IT I HAVE BEEN DEPRIVED OF MOMOJIROU FOR SO LONG AND NOW I CAN SEE SOME BEAUTIFUL ART OF THEM IN YOUR STYLE WHICH MAKES IT TEN TIMES BETTER THANK YOU

AAAAHHHHHHHHH BOI THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I’m ??? so glad you guys liked them???? Momo is so hard to get a grasp on for me, it makes me happy to know I did her right!!!!

Anon said:What do you think about futakuchi? xox

He’s my fav in Dateko!!!! Also one of my two biggest #same in Haikyuu haha (the other’s Kuroo lol)

Anon said: I haven’t seen semi on your blog for a while? ;)

That’s 100% most probably because there hasn’t been any haikyuu on my blog for a while, I’d say :O

Anon said:You keep drawing… So many soft things I’m in love… momojirou is so sweet it cleared my skin (and !!! I know you said you have no idea how to draw her but she looks wonderful and I loved it!!) And pining Kiri his face at the end??? Saved me. And STUDY DATE I CAN’T FORGET tbh baku looked so good esp the way you drew him kiri I Understand. Anyways you’re a blessing and I hope you have a lovely day!!!

God anon….. you just go……….. and slay me like this……. how am I supposed to deal………………………. (ilu)

Anon said:Does the Octopus Team still exist? I was scrolling through Shouji tags and saw the art.

I’m not sure what this ask means :O like, are you asking me if I’ll ever draw them together again? Because tbh that one doodle sort of just… happened while I was doing something else……… oops….

Anon said:Is it just me or are you getting more and more notes a lot quicker? Bc congrats my friend

:O thanks!!! But to be fair I think more than on my art this is mostly on the Bakushima becoming a much more popular ship, lately! The anime will do that haha

Anon said: I literally check your blog multiple times every day to see if you’ve posted anything new, your art just makes me so happy??? Like it could literally be bakugou as an orange and kirishima as a strawberry and I would reblog it faster than lightning and stare at it for five mins. Your style is just so nice and it like…. flows well?? Is really clean??? IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT MY DUDE but BASICALLY i love everything you do and thanks for blessing us with all the cute kiribakus and bokuroo :))

sob thank you ;O; so much ;O; holy shit ;O; ;O;

Anon said:So I’m new to the BNHA fandom and you’re probably the first artist I stumbled across but I am HOOKED. I love your bakushima A LOT and your headcanons are so perfect I get so hype when I see them on my dashboard *v* Do you ever think about what would happen if Bakugou’s family found out about his new relationship? Do you think they would love Kirishima? (Of course they would it’s impossible not to). I imagine that would be an interesting scenario!!

I’m 100% sure Mitsuki would be like “HOW THE FUCK did you manage to get such a nice kid to like you” but when we’re being honest Masaru is a super sweet man married with a firecracker too so does she have any right to talk? Nope, she does not 

And thank you so much for the compliments!!!! :O this fandom is super full of talented and nice people, I hope you’ll have a great time in it!

Anon said:Dude like mate honey love bunch bro man,,,,, YOUR FR*CKING ART!!!! SO H*CKING GOOD???? BAKUKIRI (cries because I love them so f*dging much) LOOK SO GOOD IN YOUR ART STYLE? SO PURE! WHOLESOME!!! I just went through your art tag for the last hour and I love everything. Kirishima is my FAVE I LOVE HIM!!!$ and the Baku squad mm mmmmmm good shiz right there. AND YUUJIIIIII AND BOKKUROOOOO AND THE VOLTRON AU!!!! Honestly we have such similar tastes ah. Anyway I’m running out of words love you fran xox

HOLY HECK I LOVE YOU A LOT TOO ANON!!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Kirishima and bakugo furiously (not mad just intense) making out I know what your thinking but please give it a try

I mean the idea isn’t something I mind at all, but drawing this sort of things requires a specific mood for me which isn’t easy to come by and more often then not when I do draw that sorta stuff I don’t finish nor post it? So in general that’s not the type of things I’ll draw as a suggestion, sorry orz

Anon said: Whenever I see a new post from you but it’s reblogged I immediately go to your original post so I can read your tags. I love them so much!

Heck !!!!! I’m glad you enjoy my nonsense? hahaha

Anon said:*whispers* hey hey…. kiribaku hide and seek got any thoughts on that

Are you asking about one against the other or hiding together? …either way I can only see that ending in disaster and explosions ngl lol

Anon said:It came to my mind after reading your last comic that Baku usually dresses up pretty nice¿? Its canon that his family works for the fashion industry and his costume is SO EXTRA™, we never really see him in cringey or weird clothing (please correct me if I’m wrong (?)) but I still like the idea of him having lots of skull/punk tees and struggling to find normal stuff lol

Wouldn’t call them cringey or weird, but it is canon that every time we’ve seen him out of his costume/uniform in the manga he’s worn either plain black tees/tank tops or t-shirts with skulls on them :O that’s actually his canon style, I wasn’t taking a wild guess back there haha

Anon said:I miss your art on my feed on the days you don’t art. So I scroll through your old posts whenever that happens. (This is not a plea or pressure for you to do anything more often btw. You make so much amazing art and contribute so much to this fandom. I love going back and looking at all your art. We are not worthy!) I literally can’t think about Kiribaku and the Bakusquad without thinking of your art.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you!!!!! Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;O; 

Anon said:Cons of Kirishima being the protagonist of MHA: He would constantly be hurting himself and making us as the audience suffer in the worst way. Pros: if the recent chapters are anything to go by, he would be /very very pretty/ by now due to how much he’s been beaten up

I still prefer him healthy and happy tho ｡ﾟ(*´□`)ﾟ｡ once in a hospital bed is enough for me //sob

Anon said:I can’t describe how happy these deathstar doodles made me?? Your art is top notch as always but you drawing one of my all time favorite ships when there’s so little content for them gave me strenght for the next 57 years, thank you sm!!! And have a good day!!

Anon said:Ahhh you have no idea how much of a blessing it is to see deathstar in your artttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!! I love you so muchhhhhh!!!

I’M!!! HAPPY!!! YOU GUYS LIKED THOSE!!!!! I never understood why there was so little content for them tbh, like??? Okay the anime didn’t reach any of The Good Stuff for them and most fans never read the manga, but the manga makes them such an obvious ship?? So good so right so healthy and supportive and beautiful b o y rereading that manga gave me a lot of feelings bless the two of them ｡：ﾟ(｡ﾉω＼｡)ﾟ･｡

Anon said:Oh my god, I was just looking through like all your art and I realized how much you’ve improved. Like oh my god you’re fantastic, all your art looks so great. I mean this as a compliment and that’s you’ve improved a lot and you’re so great. ❤️❤️

THANK YOU OH BOY (●´□`)♡ this means…………….so much…………. gahh

Anon said:i got so busy with college apps and entrance exams that I stopped watching the anime around the intern time and I stopped reading the manga around about the time sun eater faces off against those guys. man I have so much to catch up on but I still don’t have much time at all. all I know is Mirio is being an angel and I’m at peace with that.

Mirio………… is such a good boy……………….. he deserves so much more…………….. so much better………………….. o

[raptorific]

genuine question: why do you not like people refering to lucio specifically as "boy"? tumblr tends to call every character boy/boi especialy since the mcelroys became popular so what is it about lucio in particular that isnt good to call him boy

The short answer: it’s because he’s black and the people doing it are largely white and there’s cultural baggage surrounding white people using the words “boy” and “son” to address black men. 

The long answer starts out with the idea of tonedeafness and a fandom phenomenon that crops up when predominately white fanbases are exposed to dimensional, compelling characters of color. The same thing happened with Star Wars and Pacific Rim and so many other diverse franchises lately. 

A lot of the time, white fans are genuinely not trying to be racist, but most of their faves up to this point have been white, and they haven’t considered that perhaps the way they write and talk about those faves would take on different implications when the characters’ race is considered. 

For instance, and I get in trouble a lot for bringing this up, but a few months ago there was a Disney AU fanart of Finn and Rey from Star Wars as Tarzan and Jane. Now, in the movie, Tarzan and Jane are both white, but in the art, the impact changes because Finn is a black man and the artist drew him as an animalistic ape-man who meets a delicate high-class British woman who “civilizes” him. Obviously the Tarzan/Jane dynamic has a very VERY different meaning if Tarzan is depicted as black and Jane is depicted as white, and it is in fact racist to depict Finn that way even if it wouldn’t even be the smallest problem to draw, say, Iron Man and Pepper Potts in the same exact situation. (Also if anyone is Tarzan in that pairing, it’s Rey, but I digress)

So you get these situations where people are trying to do the stuff they always do for all characters, only their faves have mostly been white up to this point so they’ve never really had to consider the racial implications of the stuff they say and write about those characters. That’s why they draw D.Va as an infant without realizing that the infantilization of East Asian women is actually a harmful racist practice, and then when informed of this fact, instead of saying “oh shit, I didn’t know I was contributing to that! Thanks for telling me, I’ll stop doing it,” they get defensive and claim that actually it doesn’t matter if the end product is 100% identical to racism, because they didn’t intend for it to be racist, that’s not what they were trying to do.

Also, generally speaking, they don’t do the same thing to white characters. While jokes at the expense of Soldier: 76 and Zarya are usually things like “he’s old and grumpy” or “she’s really strong,” jokes about Reaper are more like “he’s got a huge dick and he’s abusive and a rapist” and jokes about D.Va are usually “she’s a dirty and mischievous subhuman creature and the white guy is like her dad.” The fact that a lot of people make all these jokes and think they’re roughly equivalent speaks to how much unconscious racism they’ve got to purge from their system. 

Alright, so now that we understand that, let’s get into a little more of why “boy” and “son” in particular are not the sort of thing you should not call Lucio. 

The first and main reason is that he’s a grown man, aged 26, but more importantly, he is a black man. Historically, the words “boy” and “son” have been used on black men for two reasons: 

Because even grown black men were to be treated as childlike under white supremacy, esp. under slavery, and even after the abolition of slavery, the words “boy” and “son” are still used in order to talk down to black men. You will still frequently catch younger white people address black men older than them as “boy” or “son,” especially in a service capacity (i.e. a black waiter or employee at a store). Under slavery, the dominant white supremacist narrative was that even the smartest black people were only on the level of white children, which is obviously a complete falsehood fabricated to justify their continued subjugation by saying “they’d be lost without us.” So, by referring to black men as “boy” or “son,” that’s the message that was being communicated, that even though any given black person is grown, they’re still viewed as roughly mentally equivalent to children. 

A lot of slaveowners didn’t feel it was worth it to learn the individual names of their slaves, so they would simply address them as “boy” or “son” (or “girl” or a variety of other degrading names for women) and this practice continued even after the abolition of slavery. Again, calling back to the “black waiter” situation I referred to earlier, you still sometimes see white patrons referring to black employees as “boy” or “son” in this way. For older people, they would use the terms “Auntie” and “Uncle” as a way to deny them honorific titles such as “Mister” and “Miss,” which is where we get mascots like “Aunt Jemima” and “Uncle Ben,” both of whom were derived from this practice. A similar example is how a lot of white railroad passengers wouldn’t bother to learn the names of their car’s porter and would simply call them all “George,” which again sort of demonstrates my point: the name “George” isn’t inherently racist, lots of people have that name, but to call a black guy doing their job that carries different implications even if you “didn’t mean it that way.”

So generally, there’s nothing wrong with the words “boy” or “son” most of the time, but when you address a black man this way, it carries a whole different implication. I’m not trying to condemn anyone morally or say “you’re evil if you’ve ever used these words about Lucio” or anything, but back to the beginning of this:

I am assuming you all have positive intent, that you are all well-meaning and that you are definitely not trying to be racist. Because of this, I feel like it’s my responsibility to tell you when a thing you’re saying carries meanings that you maybe didn’t consider and definitely didn’t mean to imply. I know I would feel foolish and guilty if I found out something I’d been saying casually actually had a racist meaning that I wasn’t aware of, so I just want to say that if anyone reading this is (like me) a white person who’s really truly well-intentioned and doesn’t mean to be racist at all, your response here should be “oh wow, I didn’t know that Boy and Son are names you generally shouldn’t call black people, I’ll be more conscious of that in the future,” and if your response is to become defensive and try to prove that it isn’t bad because you didn’t mean it “that way,” it either means you aren’t well-intentioned and do mean to be racist OR it means you didn’t read the post. 

That being said, I’m happy to inform where I can, but I’m also not black, and a lot of black writers have explained this a lot more eloquently than me. I suggest you do some googling and research what they’ve said on the subject, because I’m sure they’ll give you a clearer picture than I possibly can. 

[speakingupforyourself]

Trigger warning

In 2010, I got into a relation with someone who I knew since our teenage years , it all started off well, we were like the best of friends, going out together, doing things together, holidaying together whenever possible, I was warmly welcomed by his family, and it all seemed in place, until I got my first Alarm, after 2 years of being in the relationship, I found out I was being cheated on. There were unpleasant flirting messages to a girl who he had known as a kid apparently, who is now presently working as an alcohol analyst in Bangalore, through those messages I figured I was lied to on so many occasions saying he was at work while he met this girl behind my back. He even told this girl he missed her so much that he came back from shows cos of her. After confrontation the sorry happened but there was no reason or explanation given as to y he did something like that to me. It was then we had our very first argument in 2 years of us dating. I asked for a reason and the only answer I got was “I DO NOT KNOW WHY I DID IT, BUT I AM SORRY”. The naive person in me thought forgiveness is the key in any relation so he was forgiven and we continued. Few years later my second alarm rang, after having caught the exchange of unpleasant messages between him and many other girls, and realising they were busy meeting each other while I was told” I AM BUSY AT WORK I CANT TALK NOW”. He started getting possessive about his phone, if it rang when I was near it, he would run towards it, if it beeped when I was at the side of him, the screen would be faced towards him as if to hide it, I kept wondering what did he need to hide if he said he was being faithful to me?! His reply would be “I don’t touch ur phone so don’t bother about mine.” Once after returning home from a late night show, I had learnt that he was at a club again on the pretext of work ( or may be even genuinely working as he is a sound engineer by profession with one of Mumbai’s leading sound company) I just asked him how is it that he was so busy, that he din have time to revert to my messages or calls and his reply was, “I DID NOT HAVE TIME TO CALL ANYONE, SO CHILL”. Somehow that answer did not convince me, so I took his phone drew a pattern and to my luck when it unlocked, i see multiple calls to diff women, his work as well , and as soon as he saw me with his phone in my hand, pinned me down and kept punching my face while saying “TERI MAA KI C***T”, he kept choking my neck, I fought back and walked out of his house wanting to drag him to the cops at that very moment, and again I fell for his crocodile tears and the false begging asking for forgiveness, thinking that I was responsible for his actions as he kept blaming me for making him a violent person and that he was never like this before dating me. He always said he is a loving and warm person and I brought out the worse in him. Unfortunately I became susceptible to depression and anxiety where I wanted to give up on everything and everyone around me including myself, and the only person I turned for help was HIM. He kept blaming me for all his actions , he kept blaming me for anything that he did wrong and when the time came for a confrontation, he would always tell me, I need peace , just leave me alone, or would call our friends and tell them to handle me. His work is his everything .. his path of escape mainly. he even promised to stand by me, saying he would come along to the councillor and I landed up visiting them alone, again his excuse was work. My third Alarm rang , when we were about to be engaged. YES!! After all these alarms I was still considering living my whole life with him . For almost 2 years his father would flash himself when I was around, he would stare at my legs , my chest and I kept thinking to myself , is he zoning out ? as he sufferers with seizures, so much so to the extent one fine day, when I was at his place his father took the liberty to come and sleep near me on the same bed, so close to my face and looking straight at me . I stormed off again from that house promising never to enter again , and again I was made to believe that I would be supported and stood for. After multiple efforts of even having confronted his father, considering he his suffering from his own depression, as his wife left him for another man, he belted out saying it’s his house he could do anything he wanted. My ex knew exactly what I had been through in my childhood of being molested on many occasions by a relative. And he was the only one who knew it . It ached me to keep quite all these years and here again I had to keep quite for this man a stranger who I treated as my father. when I told my ex , I could take him and his father to the cops for physical and sexual assault, his words were “Jaa re , what would u have done to me or my father ?“ and in that moment of him questioning my dignity I slapped him. i would always try and console myself that his father, May be he din mean to do it to me , and that his wife leaving him was the cause of his behaviour ,but he did it when I was around and that itself should have been enough for me to stand up for myself and take immediate actions, and I did not . When I wanted to make things right myself, He would tell me to back off and tell me it’s his father and that he would handle it the way he wants to. So again I foolishly trusted him, but the only solution he left me with , was to deal with it without any real solution. Cause he was busy at WORK doing sound at one of India’s billionaires daughters wedding. This made me more agitated and I was turning into a mess, while he said he was busy at work like all the times in so many years of us dating, this was the final straw for me. I finally took the decision of ending a 8 and 1/2 year relation and saving myself from the traumatic phase of another depression. And to me it seemed he was absolutely ok with it. Our close friends, my family still tried to speak to him to try and make things work but he was so adamant, his ego got into the way and he kept telling me, you wanna leave leave I will never stop you, and I thought to myself, if someone can let go off me for their own mistakes they’ve made, for someone who couldn’t support me when I needed the support, for someone who cheated on me , then why do I need this person in my life ?? he couldn’t digest that this time it was me who stepped back after multiple efforts all these years, he did not know what excuse to give, so he kept telling everyone HE DID NOT WANT THIS RELATION COS I WAS SUICIDAL AND I DID NOT RESPECT HIS PARENTS for calling his mother a slut and his father a wanker Yes my anger got the worse out if me, but now I had tolerated enough. He chose to not tell anyone what he had ever said or done to me, but told everyone just a one side story. His parents especially his mother has normalised his behaviour on so many occasions, she’s made him lie to his own father about her extra marital affairs, and he was ok doing it and facing his father with a lie everyday, the bruise marks he left Me, was shown to her on a text msg and till today she hasn’t even replied to me. No confrontation whatsoever! All of this just made me realise what a mess I was in and what a mess I was making myself by staying and fighting for a relation that was never valued. Staying with people who did not value each other in their own homes. The same values were being passed on from his mother to him and the same effect of being tortured, was happening to me what his father was going through because of them. My biggest lesson learnt is , people will come into ur lives , welcome them but when u see signs so clearly , give them one chance only, not multiple chances with the hope that things will change or become better , the way people are bought up , the way their parents live their lives, if u see it reflecting it in theirs walk away sooner. Yes people do have messed up lives, but everyone has the choice of making it better, and if they do not want to , be brave and strong to keep them at bay. When people do wrong things to u and try to cover Upon their acts and pin point at ur mistakes alone trying to blame u for it ,walk away from them. When u feel mentally drained cut off from people who drain u and take care of urself. Don’t depend on anyone to help you esp not those who put You through it. Such people themselves have a mental problem, but they are not taught to accept it, hence he refused to go to a councillor with me for himself as well. Always remember prayers and family will save you all the way. God is mightier and He has his plans for you. Trust his ways, and forgive the ones who hurt you COs they definitely don’t know what they do. They do not have a conscience.