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landscapedesignfirm · 10 months ago

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4 Varieties of Privet Invasive Species

Privet is a shrub brought to North America by European settlers around the mid-1800s, who planted them as ornamental plants. While many subspecies of privets exist, the 4 main ones found in Pennsylvania are Chinese privet, European privet, Japanese privet, and border privet. Over time, plant health care experts have identified these as privet invasive species. The damage caused by these plants includes crowding out native plants and reducing biodiversity.

Types of Privet Invasive Species

These 4 specific varieties of privet mentioned above have all been added to the Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture’s Noxious Weeds list. As such, these privet invasive species will no longer be available for purchase in nurseries and other flower shops, and homeowners are encouraged to replace any of these species on their properties with different plants. Here is what you need to know about these 4 species.

Chinese Privet

Chinese privet is native to China, Taiwan, and Vietnam. The fast-growing shrub can grow up to 15 feet in height, forming dense thickets. The leaves are around 1-3 inches long and glossy dark green, and the leaves appear early in spring before the white flowers appear in mid-to-late summer (June through August). The fruits are black drupes with hard shells containing one seed each. These ripen in the fall and persist on the plant throughout winter until removed by birds or other animals.

European Privet

European privet is native to central and southern Europe. This species, with glossy dark green leaves, can grow anywhere from 12-15 feet tall. In the spring, European privet produces white flowers, and in the fall, black fruits poisonous to humans. In addition, the flowers have a strong, pungent fragrance that many people find unpleasant.

Japanese Privet

Japanese privet is native to central and southern Japan. This species is an evergreen shrub, a small tree that can grow anywhere from 7-16 feet tall with a spread of 10-15 feet. The leaves are broad and glossy dark green above, with a paler glaucous to yellow-green color below, and have a thick, leathery texture. White flowers appear in the early summer followed by purple-black fruits in early winter.

Border Privet

The border privet is native to Japan, Korea, and northeastern China. Border privet is a deciduous shrub that grows to 9-10 feet tall with glossy leaves that can be 1/2 to 2 inches long. The white flowers appear in early summer, and black fruits follow in late summer or fall.

What Makes Privets an Invasive Species?

These species of privet are found throughout landscapes in Pennsylvania, but because the plant is not native to this region, privets have no natural predators or competitors. Due to this lack of natural predators, privets can more easily outcompete native vegetation for sunlight, nutrients, and water.

Privets reproduce sexually (by seeds) and asexually (by sprouting new shoots from their roots). This allows them to spread quickly through disturbed soil created by fires, forest clearings, erosion, or abandoned agricultural land.

Finally, privet trees proliferate quickly, often reaching maturity within five years after germination. Many other plants take 10-20 years before reaching maturity.

Damage Caused by Privets

The damage caused by privets is widespread in the United States. These species cause damage to landscapes and native ecosystems, preventing native plants from growing and reducing populations of pollinators such as butterflies and honeybees.

Treating & Managing Privets

Treating and managing privets is best done by professionals with specialized equipment.

Individual, small privets can be pulled by hand and can be done year-round. An important note is that roots must be removed entirely from the ground to prevent resprouting. Larger stems require specialized equipment that a plant health care expert can access.

Mowing can be an effective treatment and control method, but an herbicide application to the cut surfaces must follow. In addition, the time after cutting to apply herbicide changes based on whether the herbicide is oil- or water-based.

Foliar herbicide treatments are also highly effective for treating landscapes with privets, especially with low to moderate plant densities. These treatments are ideal during mid-May to early fall.

Basal bark treatments are effective against privets and can be applied throughout the year.

As always, these control and treatment options require specialized, extensive knowledge of plant health care techniques. So, call a plant health care expert if you need help with privets in your landscape.

Contact Burkholder PHC for Invasive Plant Treatment & Removal

These 4 varieties of privets are invasive species, and can overtake landscapes, with their dense thickets preventing native plant species from growing. To keep your landscape healthy and able to thrive, we recommend a professional evaluation to help remove and control any adverse effects. Our evaluation is free, and the proper treatments can help improve the health of your landscape. Contact Burkholder PHC today for a free consultation.

Blog is originally published at: https://www.burkholderphc.com/privet-invasive-species/

It is republished with the permission from the author.

#Privet Invasive Species #Invasive Species

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aceadmiral · 2 years ago

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A Condensed Timeline of Early Anti-Ace Blogging infographic by Coyote

[Transcript under the cut]

2010 – Gathering Storm: Drama Group ONTD_Feminism on LiveJournal began featuring ace material as a launchpad for harassment.

2011 – Spread to Tumblr: Anti-ace blogging expanded its reach, promoted by Tumblr blogs like “Privilege Denying Asexuals.” Harassment efforts continued to escalate.

2012 – Trolling in the Tags: Irrelevant & hostile posts were flooding the main ace tags on Tumblr to the point that Hezekiah proposed the #ActuallyAsexual tag to use instead.

2015 – Community Erosion: Anti-ace blogging thrived in the Tumblr environment, driving many aces away from the community.

Today, many more newly-identified aces don’t realize how far back these things go, which is why there have been efforts to repair community memory. As a whole, looking back on this history points to the importance of substantial safeguards against harassment.

#asexuality #community #history #acephobia #anti-ace sentiment #anti-ace #ontdf imbroglio

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iambic-stan · 3 years ago

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Panace pride and love of hearts

Pride Month is coming to a close, and it hasn’t been an overwhelmingly positive one, with the erosion of women’s (and others’) rights with Roe v. Wade being overturned, and the distinct possibility that Obergefell v. Hodges as well as other significant decisions could be next. This year, for me, June has been a reminder that bigots never really take a holiday—quite the opposite, as this month has a way of emboldening them; the Hide the Pride campaign affecting public libraries across the country is just one example.

In light of all the depressing stuff, I wanted to write something more positive about being queer and being a heart lover—two parts of my identity that are irrevocably intertwined. I knew early on that I was different in more ways than one. I was obsessed with my Fisher Price stethoscope, and dreamed of using it with/on everyone I cared for. I never knew anyone else who felt so strongly about heartbeats. A few years later, I knew that I did not experience attraction the same way most of the population does. It felt empowering to come out as a lesbian at 20, but flipping through Curve magazine never felt quite right. I was into my twenties before I learned about asexuality on the internet: the orientation that involves experiencing little or no sexual attraction. I just wanted to listen to hearts, to be listened to; it was no type of foreplay and the goal was not arousal. I cherish the opportunity to share that intimacy with friends and significant others alike. I love romance as much as most, but feel anything from indifference to outright repulsion at sexual imagery. My disinterest in sex led me to denying my attraction to women, men, and other genders because it seemed that allosexuality is compulsory in society, as though my attraction could not be valid if it didn’t have a sexual component. It was quite some time before I realized that attraction truly is as varied as colors of the rainbow, to be cheesy about it. :) I think of my love of hearts and my overwhelming desire to share it with people I love is just something that makes me that much more wonderfully queer.

Despite the unfortunate makeup of our Supreme Court and how it makes me fear for the future, I feel so encouraged when I see young people living out loud and understanding what took me 20+ years to comprehend. They’re realizing they’re asexual, and they aren’t broken because of it; they’re realizing they’re gay, lesbian, bi, or pan, and that doesn’t make them mentally ill and they don't need conversion therapy. They’re realizing that they’re trans or otherwise genderqueer, and it doesn’t mean they’re confused at all. They’re seeing more and more representation in books, TV, films, music, and every aspect of pop culture. I’m meeting more and more mental health professionals that understand these identities, and seek to understand them better instead of pathologizing them. I know there is so much more work to be done, but I’m so glad that most younger people won’t be saddled with the kind of doubt and self-loathing that I was.

A couple of ace resources:

AVEN FAQs

Yasmin Benoit on IG (ace activist)

Understanding Asexuality (the Trevor Project)

#pride month #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+#lgbtq #lgbtq+#asexuality #asexual #panace #panasexual #cardiophilia #cardiophile #pride #queer #queerness

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bestia-02 · 3 years ago

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Name: Blood Lichen

Scientific Name: Sanguinomanus dividosaxum

Width: Colonies can stretch on for miles

Height: Hand stalks are 15 cm tall

Description: Despite the efforts of the pioneer algae, they have been beaten in widespread numbers by their sanguinophyte contemporaries, being able to reproduce via spore much more efficiently. The blood lichen is obviously not a true lichen, but functions very similarly as the colony will cling to Bestia-02’s barren surface with ease, while simultaneously breaking down the rock as the millennia progress. While still dependent on nearby water, the erosion of the rocky coast has allowed inlets to be worn away to a small degree, helping the blood lichen spread further. The waxy cuticle of the plant also allows it to retain water for extended periods of time, so they may fare much better than previous pioneer species when tides are low or colonies extend too far past the shoreline. While mostly reproducing asexually, the blood lichen do release spores through a hand-like stalk, hence the genus name. Sanguinomanus.

Ancestor: Possible Star Moss descendant from Gen 2

Generation: Early Gen 3

((Created by welcometoclasmia))

#spec evo #speculative biology #speculative evolution #xenobiology #spec bio

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rosybetta · 1 year ago

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[cracks knuckles] Alright, time to repost my annelid propaganda from a few months back, because I NEED EVERYONE TO KNOW HOW PRETTY AND COOL AND IMPORTANT WORMS ARE!!!!!!!

I study marine annelids, otherwise known as polychaete worms! These little guys are an important bio-indicator for environmental conditions on the seafloor - their presence, absence, and health can tell us a lot about the health of their ecosystem! They can be absolutely gorgeous, too - GUARDS, RELEASE THE ALEXANDER SEMENOV PHOTOGRAPHY

Just look at these beautiful, colorful miniature dragons!!!!! Such graceful curves, perfectly placed parapodia (LITTLE FEETIES)!!!!!!!

I'm gonna run out of room to add images so I'll probably add a reblog or two with more propaganda lol

Look at this one!!! Its face is LITERALLY :3

But with SECRET JAWS!!!! >:D

This worm is asexual!!! No, really, I mean it for real. This worm hangs out in coral reefs, and produces a bunch of clones of itself to swim up and fuck for it instead of going up there to do it itself. Asexual legend.

THIS WORM HAS LITTLE NUBBY HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at those fuckin Whiskers (antennae). That is a Mouse , to me.

These beautiful creatures are different types of fanworm! The one of the left is called a Christmas tree worm! Just look at the little guy! They use their fans to filter tiny bits of food from the water column, while the worm itself stays safely in its burrow. Many fan worms actually play a key role in mitigating coastal erosion because of their burrows! Their bodies and burrow linings act like plant roots, stabilizing the sediment and preventing erosion from waves or storms.

Some of the key research that I'm working on right now has to do with sediment stabilization and worm activity! I'm currently studying Capitellid worms, these funky little guys that are impossible to get a good picture of:

Wait, what was that? Computer, ENHANCE

Yeah, that's basically a Muppet. Look at that SMILE

These little guys are found in soft sediment ecosystems all over the world! My current research aims to understand the relationship between worm burrowing activities, physical sediment stability, and chemical fluxes between the sediment and overlying seawater. These guys are critical for nutrient cycling processes - when they burrow, they bring oxygenated water down into the deeper sediment, which microbes can use to break down organic matter! One of my long-term stretch goals is to be able to map out this nutrient cycling and its correspondence to worm populations. Annelids are so important, guys!!

Have some more adorable worm pics, on the house :)

JUST LOOK AT THEM. THEY'RE LITERALLY GOING 🥺👉👈 AT YOU! VOTE ANNELIDA FOR THIS SWEET LITTLE FACE!!!!!!

Phylum Round 3

Annelida: Segmented Worms. This group includes earthworms, leeches, and many classes under the umbrella of “polychaete”. This diverse phylum encompasses deposit feeders (eating dirt), detritivores, scavengers, deadly ambush predators, filter feeders, parasites, herbivores, and more. They are broadly defined by their repeating body segments and parapodia, which are nubby appendages used for both movement and breathing. Some have curved jaws for catching prey or scraping detritus off of rocks, while others have wide, elaborate, brightly colored feather-like fans for filter feeding. While able to crawl freely, a majority of marine Annelids spend most of their time in self-built tubes or burrows. Among their many important functions, they play a key role in mixing soil/sediment, breaking down decaying organic matter, and providing a key food source to countless other animals.

Cnidaria: Jellyfish, anemones, corals, box jellies, and hydroids. They have a gelatinous body with radial symmetry, a decentralized nervous system, and tentacles surrounding a simple mouth. The defining feature of this phylum are their cnidocytes, or stinging cells. There are two different body plans of the Cnidaria; an immobile “polyp” attached to a surface, or a free-living “medusa” which can swim or drift in the water column. Many polyp Cnidarians, such as corals, live in colonies. Some corals build reefs which serve as habitat for other animals. Free-living medusa Cnidarians must return to the seafloor in a polyp-like stage as a part of their life cycle.

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waukrife · 4 years ago

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jar Jar Binks/Sheev Palpatine Characters: Jar Jar Binks, Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Yoda (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Character Study, Introspection, Asexuality, Fluff and Crack, Relationship of Convenience, (of a sort), Alliances, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Hopeful Ending, No Smut, not tagging as au because this COULD be canon compliant...there's no knowing really, Romance

Summary:

It started as sheer pragmatism.

But now, months into the ‘arrangement’ and alone in a non-descript speeder heading deeper into Coruscant’s mid-levels, Sidious' thoughts spun away from him like the buildings blurring as he drove past.

He tells himself- has to tell himself, and increasingly often these days- he’s doing this for the empire. His empire. It will be glorious, like the Sith of Old, before their erosion and weakness, the loss of everything that made them great. This...distraction…was merely a temporary indignity. He was doing this for greatness, for ultimate power, for the long and mighty future of the galaxy under his watchful gaze.

For now, something else held his focus. Someone. Representative Binks was eye-catching, after all.

#here it is lmao #jar jar and palpatine #I wrote this....a while ago now. it was a darker time #occasionally im just trying to live my life and then I flash back to figuring out the ao3 html system..posting...checking it..realising its #added random paragraph breaks...redoing the html...checking...repeat #not to mention the tags...easy to do difficult to know which to use #and looking at it again now...hmm...#star wars #this isn't technically chaos in the google doc but thats the closest thing I have to a writing tag so I guess it counts

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yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy · 5 years ago

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There is something people can’t talk about regarding the Dalish

So let me talk about something, and I don't know how to preface it so let me just come right out and say it.

I feel like there's this unspoken rule that the Dalish can't be criticized, and there also seems to be this unwillingness to ascribe negative traits to their culture that we would otherwise assume of other cultures, fictional or real.

I say this because I *feel* it. I feel as though I can't write anything critical of Dalish without people assuming that I'm somehow an imperialist or something, that I'm badmouthing an indigenous group because *that's just what's been done*.

Let me try to explain.

So we have the Dalish, a group of people whose plights and history can be equated to that of the Jews (rumors of blood libel and child sacrifice, forced conversion, their brethren being sequestered in ghettos in the cities, frequent victims of attempted annihilation, scapegoats for mishaps that happen in human villages and such); indigenous peoples (living in non-urban societies that worship polytheistic deities, the original backstory prior to the revelation in Trespasser aligns with slow erosion of their culture through human settlements and disease, victims of attempted annihilation, considered barbaric for their rustic lifestyles); and Romani/Sinti (nomadic, located on the outskirts of established societies, also victims of scapegoating).

Okay, we got that out of the way. We have that established.

But can we also be completely honest with ourselves and say that the Dalish are NOT a monolithic group of people but also have cultural variations? The only things that tie them together is the fact that they are elves that worship Elvhen gods, they wear vallaslin, and they are nomadic. That's basically it. That's all we really know about them from that. Beyond that, the canon, the creative minds behind Dragon Age, and the offical outside sources like art books, novels, and comics clearly establish that there are differences in dialect, relationship with humans, their views of magic, and even their views of sexuality.

That last one is what I want to talk about most.

This is a game series that has been a refuge for non-straight people. The universe is accepting of LGBTQA people in a way that few other game franchises, if at all, have. I get that. I understand wanting to preserve this great source of representation and acceptance that runs through the game's universe. There is also the turning of stereotypical fantastical racism on its head. The parallel between the treatment of the Dalish and indigenous peoples is great politics. I love learning about it. I love talking about it in the context of the story and as a reflection of real-world history, but...

What I'm trying to get this conversation to point to, really, is the fact that I see that people are unwilling to entertain the idea that some Dalish clans may not in fact, gasp, be necessarily LGBTQA-friendly, but more specifically, Lesbian-Gay-Asexual*-friendly.

It seems to be a kneejerk reaction to assume that a marginalized group will accept another marginalized group, and there's somewhat of a real-life precedent for it, given that gender roles were less strict in certain native tribes than in Europe, what with two-spirits and similar concepts. Now that is very valid, and there may indeed be Dalish tribes that believe in that sort of thing...

When the controversial user FenxShiral was still on here, he answered questions about language and Dalish culture. These were all his headcanons, and some of the ones where he offered his opinion on how the Dalish viewed certain sexualities drew the ire of some members of the Dragon Age community.

If I remember correctly, he said that not all clans accept homosexuality, and asexuality is also considered odd. People thought he was being homophobic and acephobic.

But here's the deal, and let me try to expand upon this without sounding too ADD.

-- If we go all the way back to the Old Testament of the Bible, there is a lot of talk of who can't sleep with whom and how you can sleep with this person and why you can't masturbate and all that. Now think of the context: These are tribes emerging to carve out a stable civilization. Death is commonplace. Famine, drought, war, and disease is commonplace. Infant mortality is high, on average. Grown adults die off easily. For the sake of the tribe or clan surviving, babies need to be made and be made regularly. Let's ignore the institution of marriage for a moment because that's about property and assuring a family line is kept intact...there is no room for gay people who are unwilling to make babies in this society. There is no room for asexuals* who do not want to have sex or have children. There is no room for people who do not want to do what's "best for the community" and give up their personal happiness for the sake of the tribe or clan. That is the fact of the matter.

A lot of LGBT activism and thought intersects with individuality and personal autonomy. "I am LGBTQA. What I do sexually is my business. I owe nothing to no one else." This is a very MODERN way of thinking, this idea that you should make yourself happy and that people should leave alone what does not affect them. Tribes and small-knit communities are not very individualistic by nature because they require full participation and equal amounts of sacrifice from everyone in order to keep the wheel turning, to keep the clan alive. These are societies that do not have an excessive amount of people that could do with 10% of women not getting pregnant or a few men choosing not to impregnate people. They can’t survive a major upset that could suddenly wipe out half their tribe and have one in five be unwilling to help resupply people.

As for the argument of "Well, what if they are gay and are willing to get someone pregnant/become pregnant, but still want a same-sex lover?" I would say that religion could likely come into play. Either the society will say "okay, I'll allow that cuz kids are getting made and that’s what I’m asking for" OR they'll say "doesn't matter, sex is for procreation only".

But going back to the Dalish and homosexuality. We have no proof that all Dalish are LGBT friendly. In fact, I would argue that it is the direct result of the small number of them that AT LEAST SOME CLANS would be less inclined to allow clan members to remain exclusively in same-sex relationships because it would mean fewer Dalish children are being made. That's going to be two women not carrying children and two men not impregnating. The Dalish are always struggling to keep their numbers up. On the one hand, the cities are dens of disease and violence, on the other hand, the Dalish have to contend with the elements, wild animals, and the wrath of local lords and peasants who want to run them off their camping grounds. Then there are those who wish to leave for the cities, or who fall in love with city folk. It is implied that certain tribes consider clanmates who match up with humans or non-Dalish to be "half-breeds" of a sort, "traitors" to their People, and it varies as to whether children of this union will be accepted by their Dalish family (as far as I know, this contrasts with the typical custom of North American native tribes who would readily accept mixed race children into their tribes).

The Dalish love children because children are great, yes, but also because they are a living future legacy. Someone who refuses to impregnate/get pregnant is not acting with the future survival of the clan in mind. Same thing with someone who is gay and does not want to carry a child or help conceive one. Now there may perhaps be a window open for the gay uncle or aunt to help rear children, but the Dalish obviously have developed a culture that values lots of kids because it is an unmistakable sign that their customs and traditions will carry on into the future.

So I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that not just the fact that the Dalish may be less tolerant of gays than you want to believe, but that being against homosexuality may not have anything to do with reasons like "gay sex is eww" or one's faith but that it could come from a utilitarian or pragmatic standpoint, cultural or existential or what-have-you. It's the same reason why the Tevinter Imperium is "anti-gay". It has nothing to do with the fact that homosexuality is bad, necessarily, because like in Greece and Rome there were context-heavy situations where it was allowed and tolerated, but because being exclusively homosexual and refusing to even pretend to "marry the girl" and have a kid jeopardizes this particular society's eugenic-based infrastructure: The upper class NEED to breed with each other to have perfect mages that will breed with other perfect mages to have more perfect mage children. This maintains the status quo and the hierarchy. As an Altus you can have a boytoy elf slave, you can probably even canoodle with a man of a lower class because you have that social superiority, but you cannot canoodle with another Altus because it's distracting both of you from your duty of siring children.

Now I’ll bet I’ll get people coming out of the woodwork accusing me of trying to justify homophobia or acephobia, but I’m not. I’m Bi and I guess a bit Asexual. I’m trying to explain why it is not homophobic or acephobic to entertain the idea that some Dalish clans may be more leery of gay or asexual* clan members. Again, the Dalish are not a monolithic group. They are a bunch of different elf family groups that have rejected the Chantry and human civilization. Beyond that and a few cultural staples, they operate fairly independent of each other and developed their own way of maintaining their autonomy and existence.

It is like how anti-capitalists are also not a monolithic group. The only thing they share among them is their rejection of capitalism and perhaps even share reasons why they hate it. Beyond that, the proposed alternatives vary widely from socialism to anarchy.

* Specifically, those who are sex-repulsed/disinterested

#dalish #dragon age: origins #DA2 #DA:I #tevinter

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chiseler · 5 years ago

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Unfunnymen

Sooner or later one has to face El Brendel, in the same way that sooner or later one has to face death.

But by way of working up to the grim task gently, let's start with Joe E. Brown. This vaudevillian, graced with an unnaturally wide mouth, which seemed on the verge of separating cranium from lower jaw, and giving him the flapping head of a South Park Canadian, spelled fortune to the exuberant, hearty, not particularly funny man who had been applied around this yawning abyss like lipstick.

We tend to remember Brown more fondly than his moderate talent deserves, because he delivers a classic closing line in a classic comedy. The line is "Well, nobody's perfect," and the film is Some Like It Hot (1959) and it's a good demonstration that great dialogue is often great because of context rather than because of the brilliant assembling of words. Here, the phrase is a commonplace one, but nobody can forget it when they've heard it used to cap the film's closing scene. Perhaps it was the prosaic nature of the line which caused its writers to doubt it: Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond wrote it the night before filming, and turned in saying "Maybe we'll think of something better in the morning.”

Joe E. Brown says the line the way he said about every line of his career, enthusiastically, with a goggly stare and an effort to draw the corners of his rubbery mouth as far apart as possible. Stretching his elastic features like a chest expander was basically all he did. He was blessed with a funny face, but what was under it? A perfectly ordinary skull. No funny bones here.

Brown starred - actually starred! - in a whole series of pre-code comedies which prove that not everything made at Warners in the thirties was forward-looking, funny and challenging. He played "lovable" losers who win in the end. Like Harold Lloyd only with his face gashed open. His leading ladies included Joan Bennett, Ginger Rogers, Olivia De Havilland, Ann Dvorak. To contemplate any of those films proceeding beyond the final clinch-and-fadeout is to consider bestiality. One feels Bette Davis was lucky to escape his all-consuming maw. Every other Warners contract starlet was engulfed.

It's safe to assume Wilder gave him his great late role because Brown brought with him associations of a bygone age. Brown would remind audiences of the kind of stuff people used to laugh at. He isn't precisely used as a butt, more as a threat. He seems so genderless, acceptable jokes can be made about him marrying a man. Now that dream is a reality, but Some Like it Hot still seems just a little transgressive, or at least a rare film from its period which manages to imply a questioning of gender roles. Maybe Brown's earlier work would have been improved if he hadn't been required to show interest in girls. He would make a perfect speculative fiction hypothesis of what the third sex might look like. And his best quality as a comic is his alienness: like Harry Langdon, he seems to have beamed down from another world, some kind of asexual clown planet.

Warners had plenty of unappealing comic actors, but they didn't tend to make them leading men. And in small doses, mugs like Guy Kibbee or Hugh Herbert could work. H.H. had one bit of schtick, to say "woo-woo" and giggle inanely while flapping his stubbing fingers in nervous benediction. He did that for about twenty-five years and was never fatally shot or bludgeoned to death. Those were, in many ways, more tolerant times.

Woo-woo Hugh and "the Clown Prince" Brown appear together in Warners all-star A Midsummer Night's Dream, as rude mechanicals, which is perfect casting. A crowd of unfunny funnymen, delivering Shakespeare's less clever material, as background to Jimmy Cagney. The world has acquired some kind of order. But one film later, Brown will be in the lead again, baffling us.

It's bizarre that Brown played leads, since his equipment seems to better suit second banana roles. But its not as mystifying as the career of dialect comedian El Brendel, which requires the aid of a conspiracy theory to make it in any way intelligible.

The story is told that when studio boss William Fox was in a car accident, Elmer Brendel was the only one around with the right blood group to save his life. In gratitude, Fox disfigured his studio's entire output by thrusting the smirking, talentless goof into film after film.

El Brendel was in some good films, like the Oscar-winning Wings. But he's always the worst things about every film he's in, whether it's a classic like Wings or a schlock snooze like The She Creature (1956) at the far end of his career. A farrago about sea monsters and hypnosis, it's hilarious except when El is doing his comedy relief.

El Brendel's schtick was to play a fake foreigner - the Synthetic Swede was his sobriquet. With his little quacking voice he would play naive malaprops, garbling the English language. But he couldn't help smiling in apparent self-satisfaction at each of his would-be funny lines. For a character who's not supposed to know he's funny, this was a terrible mistake, and may explain why I want to murder El Brendel whenever I see him. There's a special circle of hell for comedians who act like they think they're funny. At its centre lies Red Skelton, encased in ice. But I like to think El Brendel is nearby, forced to listen to Red Skelton laugh at how hilarious he thinks he is. For eternity.

Asides from his tight little quarter-moon smile and his twinkly little quarter moon eyes in his punchable face, El Brendel is the comedian without qualities. To see him in what passes for action is to be reminded how much more than a mock accent Chico Marx brought to the screen. Chico was an incredible actor - the Brando of atsa-no-good. El Brendel couldn't even gesture at being funny. In William Wellman's You Never Know Women (1926), the clown makes his debut, playing a clown. It's all there, or rather it isn't, from the start. He is born fully unformed. Wellman resorts to putting him on a wire to try and make him funny. He doesn't even make a decent puppet. The presence in the film of an angry knife-thrower has you praying for a severed artery, but it never comes. Brendel would hang on to his eight pints until William Fox needed one of them. He wasn't talented, but he could marshal his resources.

El Brendel is not an actor, he's not a comedian, he's a gimmick in a flesh suit.

If Joe E. Brown was popular because people with an undeveloped sense of humor require comedians who look like clowns even without facepaint, and El Brendel was successful because movie executives need blood like everyone else, Lincoln Theodore Monroe Andrew Perry, who used the stage name Stepin Fetchit, is a different case.

Fetchit only appeared as a supporting player, but his effect was striking, slowing any scene he was in to the pace of coastal erosion. For that alone, he deserves acknowledgment, whether you welcome his derailment of fast-talking thirties movies or not.

The discomfort Fetchit produces today qualifies him as an honorary unfunnyman, since he was a black actor specializing in playing servant characters of awesome slow-wittedness. Sloping apelike into a scene, his lower lip hanging like the rear flap on a truck, as if the energy to raise it were missing, Stepin Fetchit seems to embody every negative stereotype of his day. Billed as "the laziest man alive," he melded lethargy with ignorance to create a perfect simulacrum of stupidity.

But Perry was very popular with black audiences, who understood something white viewers missed. How much fun it would be, to act like Fetchit in front of white authority! They can punish you for disobedience, but not for your failure to understand an order. Nobody was going to get any meaningful work out of this man, sunk as he seemed to be in the depths of psychomotor retardation. It seemed to be all he could manage to raise his head above chest level. His voice issued in a reedy rasp, painfully stringing words together like an infant assembling building blocks, with the sentences liable at any moment to falter, turn back on themselves, or fade out altogether. Will Rogers, embodiment of the benign white master, could demonstrate his saintliness by finding Fetchit's stream-of-unconsciousness monologues interesting, enlightening.

It is questionable whether even John Ford, who cast Fetchit regularly even after liberal embarrassment had rendered him largely unacceptable elsewhere, understood the subversive side of the comic's character. Probably he just found him funny, and a useful modifier of the generally rambunctious Ford comic scene. Fetchit had the legendary minus factor: entering a scene charged with high emotion, he could make it feel as if someone had left. Where other actors are praised for presence, he had absence. Looking around him in bewilderment, he forced the narrative to its knees, to proceed at the slothlike pace of his dull comprehension.

Of course, the joke cut both ways, since the Fetchit character made white audiences feel comfortably superior. But it's hard now to look upon his schtick without feeling racial shame, an inward cringe. The last laugh is Stepin Fetchit's: no one else is laughing.

by David Cairns

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daddyzarc · 6 years ago

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Hot take: The Barians are the only innocent creatures in all of yugioh

You’re probably wondering what I mean by this, but I have a perfectly sound explanation.

Look at these comparisons.

Notice anything peculiar? Let’s look a little closer.

That's better.

For those unaware, you may notice that the Barians lack a “mouth”. A mouth is “the opening in the lower part of the human face, surrounded by the lips, through which food is taken in and from which speech and other sounds are emitted.”

Why is this important? Well, because a mouth is an essential piece of the body part to engage in the act of Vore. Since Barians lack the ability to vore due to their own anatomy, they are unable to vore ever. In fanart or in the show, these angels are incapable of being involved in any of that stuff. They’re completely in the safe zone, they’re untouchable as far as the show puts them because you can’t do anything with these guys in THAT specific situation.

BUT WAIT, i hear yall typin away with a rebuttal

With the the introduction of Vrains, there exist another species of creatures without mouths—the Ignises.

Examining the images above, this other unique species also lack these crucial mouths, so you could argue that there are 2 Yu-Gi-Oh groups that are entirely sinless. And this is a fair argument without the context of what the Ignises could do.

But could that could they do exactly?

These images say it all. They could absolutely do that within the canon of yugioh.

So without a doubt, Ignises have the wholly ability to vore other creatures with ease. And this isn’t a one-off thing either, like they did it once and that was it. Ai is shown to have done this on multiple occasions within LINK VRAINS, his homeworld, presumably in a natural form. It is safe to assume that the Ignises absorb data and dismantle prey like this.

Knowing this, Barians ARE the only creatures incapable of voring.

But I hear you screaming. “But Dyzarc, you cranky dragon you, whadda bout anal vore? Cock vore? Absorption! Plus they have HUMAN forms, too. WITH MOUTHS which means the Barians are fully capable of eating! Theyre no different than any other ygo char!”

You could make those arguments, but I also have several points to refute this.

First, the human forms.

You could say that their human forms exist so that they can vore in that sense. That’s a very reasonable assumption.

And yes.

Yes, they could do that.

Yet, human form isn’t really Barian. It’s kind of off-canon, in a sense. They only took that form because Earth is hazardous to their bodies and they cannot maintain their true forms in that unnatural state. Within the closed system of their own environment (or Barian World), which is what I care about, the Barian species does not naturally have a mouth or a human body and therefore cannot partake in that act, canon or otherwise.

Furthermore, if a person wants to draw or write vore involving a Barian as the predator, they simply cannot do it. They must turn the Barian into a human or face the simple fact that Barians cannot vore (or a third option*).

*Theoretically, you could slap a mouth onto them or imply that a mouth exists underneath their muzzle, which only reveals itself when the Barian needs it. However, this is no different than giving a snake tiddies or putting legs on a shark just to fulfill a kink.

Secondly, I’ll focus on the other vore methods by showing pictures of some raw Barian crotches.

Now I may be blind as an olm, but they are clearly naked around the groin area. They lack any visible extremities that could be considered an anus or a cock too. Unless their anatomy works similarly to reptiles as in these organs are hidden behind a thin layer of rock around their crotch and only protrude when it is needed, they lack any organs that can perform cock or anal vore.

Excluding their physical appearance, Barians are canonically born from a circumstance other than, say, laying eggs or live birth or asexual reproduction. Meaning if they DO have those body parts, it’ll be a vestigial structure with no other purpose than to sit there and look stalactitey, probably kinda gross-looking considering what they are.

Of course a “cock” could function like the giant claw of a fiddler crab, where it’s mainly just for show to prove who has the biggest one (and so deserving of their territory, which is why Nasch is the leader. I’ll get into this later on why this could be the case) as well as to help them fight, find a mate, or exert their dominance.

Also, although I do not believe this image represent the entirety of Barian physiology

It is most likely that their insides consist mainly of veins and a... heart?? A star fragment, ball of spike? Whatever the case, I don’t see a stomach pouch nor do the Barians have a reason to have such a thing. The lack of a mouth and stomch makes sense in the “overarching picture” of how a Barian functions. Think about it from a human perspective. Why do we eat? Humans require food in order to produce energy to survive, grow, and reproduce, plain and simple.

Barians, on the other hand, live in a toxic environment void of life other than themselves. They do not need to eat for there is nothing to eat.

My personal theory is that they don’t require energy through consumption of food items like humans do. They either get it from photosynthesizing since their sun appears to be very close to their planet

Or maybe the "heart” is some sort of radioactive material that supplies them with an ample amount of energy. This powerful energy surges through the body through the help of the “roots” and essentially fuels them with life without the need for the consumption of food. My assumption is that the Barian itself is the roots and hearts, while everything else is just a rocky mass separate from the actual thing (im not gonna go super in-depth into the mind-body dualism thing btw. Just think about as a hermit crab with a shell with the “shell” being made of minerals)

And if we bounce off the idea that the shell is composed of minerals, or a rock, thus being very susceptible to erosion and damage as seen in how Vector broke pieces of his body during one of the duels

They most likely naturally regenerate their body parts by burying themselves deep into the ground so that the Rock Cycle

can repair and grow their forms. See, this process does not require food (which fits into their biology very well) and instead mandates that the Barian digs deep enough to begin the process of melting down its old, damaged body. The heart and roots will remain above the metling point of course; in fact, they play a crucial role in getting the Barian back into its proper shape. After reforming a new shell, the Barian emerges from the ground like a bunch of baby sea turtles, completely healed as long as the “molt” wasn’t disturbed.

Furthermore, this molting cycle could explain the presence of any “cocks” found within the Barian. Molting is extremely energy-consuming and time-consuming; rushing a molt will result in an imperfect shell or other impurities, or death if the impurity is life-threatening. The hardness, body structure, addition of any extra parts, and safe resurfacing, or preventing their new bodies from being damaged as they emerge from the ground, also depends on how well the Barian could alter the temperature and pressure of its surroundings magma (molten rock) to result in the best possible shell. This means that the Barians with poor molts are young and inexperienced while Barians with the best molt are old and experienced.

(hey can u find a better pic, this one isnt a good example)

This also works with how a big “cock” (in an abstract sense) could show their dominance over the other Barians. Or, in this case, the cock is actually extra formations to show off what they are capable of. Regular and large racks, for example, showcase a Barian’s skill at creating a new shell, with the larger and more angular the rack, the more powerful or experienced they are. This is especially difficult to do at a consistence rate, so the Barians capable of carrying it off tend to be on top of the pecking area. Nasch’s abilities to create so many horns means he’s deserving of his spot as the leader.

The Barian pecking order probably goes down the list on how complex—in that they managed to form a perfect, angular rack—their composition is.

Obviously, the chart simplifies what makes a great Barian. The Barian pecking order is much more complex than this.

For example, Mizael, despite the complexity in parts of the body like the face “mask”, is lower in the hierarchy than expected. Why? There is a lot to dissect about Barian physiology, but a peculiar detail is their carapaces. Unlike the rest of the body, which consist of a rocky formation, Mizael’s mask is a carapace. This could be easily seen when Nasch was briefly seen without these carapaces in this scene.

As seen on bodies of these Barians, they appear to have many carapaces which are separate from their main bodies, such as:

These carapace could be involved in the pecking order. The fineness and sharpness of the carapaces gives the illusion of strength (notice that Nasch is covered in carapaces while Durbe practically has none) as well as adding to their maximum size.

But they could also play another vital role... Defense Mechanism

It may sound strange, but I believe that Barians are built solely for defense....

Let’s take a look at a creature whose behavior and structural patterns mimics the Barians, the noble Hermit Crab.

I like to compare these two species due to their essentially parallelism in terms of “form follows function” such as:

(Marine Hermit Crab adding extra defenses to its shell using a venomous sea anemone; similar to a Barian adding sharp carapaces to its already tough, rocky exterior)

Comparing the likeness of the two, it could be assumed that the carapaces provide extra protection over the Barians’ main defense (rocky shell). The carapaces aren’t involved in the molting cycle, of course, due to their complicated build. It’ll be a massive waste to destroy them. Since a Barian could remove them at will, they most likely store the pieces above ground (or above melting point) and molt without them. After they finish molting, they retreive the carapaces. Again, very similar to the molting process of a hermit crab.

It may feel like I am going on a tangent of Barian anatomy rather than focus on their ability, or thereby lack of, to vore, but these details can be used to explain why Barians cannot vore from a historical standpoint.

They cannot vore because they are built like a prey.

Like hermit crabs, they are “bottom-feeders” with no prey of their own—mostly in part due to the absence of food on their home planet. Instead of being designed like a predator with the capability to vore, a mouth, they are the exact opposite in that they have only the defensive capabilities to defend themselves against a predator.

So following this, if there is a strong need for defensive pressure, who is the offensive pressure? A creature cannot be so defensively driven (thick shell, regeneration, armor, etc.) without the presence of a harmful force.

If it isn’t obvious, their predator are the aqueous Astral Beings.

Astral Beings are the perfect Barian predator (perhaps co-evolution played a part in this, or y’kno eliphas just said fuck those guys, lets kill em).

Moving along, not only are they armed with mouths, water is one of the natural forces that could heavily erode rocks, as seen along beaches, rivers, and cliff-sides, into a pile of sand and mud. Barians, with their outermost covering consisting of rock, are especially vulnerable to being broken down by the Astral Beings, exposing their sensitive cores to a likely death.

Their main defense against this is either:

(1) Regeneration, they can drop limbs and endure damage to their shell without fear of death, then repair any injuries during their molt

(2) Armor, the sharp carapaces (made of metals that can withstand water) can ward off potential attackers

A third defense that follows the how Astral Beings vore Barians in a predator/prey relationship could also be seen in the habitat of the Barians, or the presence of the Sea of Ill Intent.

Instead of being made of water, the sea is made of a very strong acid. Why is this important? For any of you that took a chemistry course, the proper technique of mixing acid and water (i.e the Astral Being), you must add acid into the water in that order. The flow of acid into water mixes the two better, preventing a reaction to occur. Adding water into acid, on the other hand, causes the water to react with the acid due to poor initial mixing, causing it to boil and potentially explode.

For this case, the rocky exterior of the Barian allows them to be submerged into the acid without risk of immediate death. Unless the Astral Being wants to harm itself by going into the acid to pursue its prey, they most likely will abandon the prey. If the acid starts to dissolve Barian’s shell (say, the Astral Being attempting to stakeout the Barian) they could regenerate the broken pieces during their next molt.

So not only Barians cannot vore, but they are hapless prey at that!

They are far from helpless prey—in the same way a Rhinoceros is considered a prey animal—but there is plenty of evidence that lead up to the fact they are indeed a prey species.

And the fact that they are the bottom of the barrel scavenger, harmless, unable to be a fearsome predator, only a potential prey at best...

They’re just innocent.

Now you say “Kay Dyzarc, ya made me read a longass analysis on the biology of a bunch of space rocks to prove some sickass vore fantasy of yours. Now what. What was the point.”

Welcome to Zarc n’ Pals, installment 1 baby, strap in for a wild ride

#dyzarc ramblings #zexal #barian biology #uh #barian tag #ignis tag #i dont wanna list all those names #idk when part 2 will be ready #or if yall are ready...

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