#erin’s reading log

[majesticlymortal]

Erin’s Reading Log

Top 21 of 105 Books Read in 2022

*some books listed contain explicit depictions of sex and/or violence, etc. Please check content warnings before reading. Especially for The Monster of Elendhaven and Captive Prince

**The Amaranth Enchantment, Coraline, Dial a Ghost, and Journey to the River Sea were all rereads

[the-busy-ghost]

Alright James VI was a smart kid but I'm just not convinced that, at three years old, he would have been thinking "Wow this composer has masterfully treated the two interweaving treble parts in this Psalm"

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

What are you currently reading?

[anbaricity]

The Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern

[doormouseetcappendix]

Summer Reading Log 2024 PT 13.

Poor Things (1992) by Alasdair Gray

The Angel Of Indian Lake (2024) by Stephen Graham Jones

Silverfish (2020) by Rone Shavers

Shigidi And The Brass Head Of Obalufon (2023) by Wole Talabi

The Shape Were In (2001) by Jonathan Lethem

Out There Screaming: An Anthology Of New Black Horror (2023) edited by Jordan Peele and written by Erin E. Adams, Violet Allen, Lesley Nneka Arimah, Maurice Broaddus, Chesya Burke, P. Djèlí Clark, Ezra Claytan Daniels, Tananarive Due, Nalo Hopkinson, N. K. Jemisin, Justin C. Key, L. D. Lewis, Nnedi Okorafor, Tochi Onyebuchi, Rebecca Roanhorse, Nicole D. Sconiers, Rion Amilcar Scott, Terence Taylor, and Cadwell Turnbull

The Left Hand Of Darkness (1969) by Ursula K. Le Guin

Dune (1965) by Frank Herbert

Dune Messiah (1969) by Frank Herbert

The Heroes (2011) by Joe Abercrombie

The Coming Of The Old Ones (2019) by Jeffery Thomas

Horror Movie (2024) by Paul Tremblay

[chaifootsteps]

I really feel you & anon about KenDraws - when the first allegations about poor workplace treatment came out I thought maybe it was a case of poor management over malicious mismanagement; that a new indie studio had hired a lot of people out of college and not supported them properly or set unrealistic deadlines and failed to account for the fact that people have to work multiple jobs to support themselves (though the sharing of Erin's medical info always disgusted me and there's no way anyone can 'two sides' that imo) - i.e. it was stuff they could learn from and get better about, but for me KenDraws' account was the straw that broke the camel's back.

My jaw was on the floor learning KenDraws was the one who suggested Alastor stay at the hotel for his own entertainment, because that's part of the inciting incident and setup of the whole show. It's the kind of idea and dynamic that you'd expect the creator to come up with and come up with first, and be thought out as part of the story going forwards.

And to credit such an integral part of the show, plus several jokes, as 'additional writing'??? That is not additional writing, that is concept writing and script writing. It really made me mad to see how much of a struggle it was to get even that bare minimum of credit when Viv dropped so many ideas and lines that weren't her idea into the final pilot and covered it up with 'that was early draft stuff/we changed things around'. Reading the Discord logs it's blatantly not that, and if I can get ad hominem for a second there's a really maddening 'I'm too lazy and untalented to come up with this on my own, please help me' wheedling tone in Viv's messages to Ken - the whole 'I'm good at this and not that' thing especially. If you aren't good at it then either focus the pilot around your supposed strengths or credit your co-writers properly! Anyone whose had someone lazy or untalented sponge off them knows how uncomfortable and annoying it is to be stuck with someone like Viv as a boss. It feels like the main reason Brandon gets to be credited as a writer is because he's already a 'name' but anyone Viv considers beneath her it's free game to steal their ideas and fail to credit them when they provide her massive amounts of help because she knows her fandom will merrily throw them under the bus with a minimum amount of prompting from her, and sometimes none at all.

It's why I'm so glad to see Ashley and Michael thrive outside her shadow. I've seen mixed opinions on Faustisse and I'm not up to date with that, but I did see the screenshots about the issues she had getting paid and assuming that's Viv she's talking about, no one deserves to be exploited like that.

Viv mistreats the talent, they go elsewhere - and they don't stop being better than Viv at the thing she's failing so hard at rn. I'm so glad to see the rest of the indie animation scene supporting each other so much: I think this is the sense of community people wished for when Helluva started and why the biggest scandal to hit the fandom felt like it was when the pilot VAs got dropped so unceremoniously. It's just partly a community of people who got burned working for Viv who now have a perfect mental model of what they don't want in their working lives so they can make something better. I hope all the best for the people she's hurt & used

I don't have a think to add to this, Anon. This is absolutely beautiful and well said.

[galathynius]

2023 reading log

the uncensored picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde / jan. 2-9 / 4 stars

buzz saw: the improbable story of how the washington nationals won the world series by jesse dougherty / jan. 9-11 / 4.5 stars

proposal by meg cabot / jan. 17 / 3 stars

sidelined: sports, culture, and being a woman in america by julie dicaro / jan. 12-17 / 4 stars

remembrance by meg cabot / jan. 18-19 / 3 stars

how sweet it is by dylan newton / jan. 19-20 / 3 stars

daughters of sparta by claire heywood / jan. 21-22 / 3 stars

highly suspicious and unfairly cute by talia hibbert / jan. 22 / 4 stars

gentlemen prefer blondes: the diary of a professional lady by anita loos / jan. 23-26 / 3 stars

hell bent by leigh bardugo / jan. 26-31 / 4 stars

all about love: new visions by bell hooks / jan. 22-31 / 4 stars

daisy jones & the six by taylor jenkins reid / jan. 31-feb. 2 / 4 stars

everything i know about love: a memoir by dolly alderton / feb. 2-9 / 4 stars

emma by jane austen / feb. 11-19 / 4 stars

fake it till you bake it by jamie wesley / feb 19-23 / 3.5 stars

my dark vanessa by kate elizabeth russell / feb. 23-26 / 4 stars

throttled by lauren asher / feb. 26-28/ 2 stars

the locker room by meghan quinn / mar. 1-5 / 1 star

come as you are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life by emily nagoski / feb. 17-mar. 5 / 4.5 stars

pucked by helena hunting / mar. 5-11 / 3 stars

legendborn by tracy deonn / mar 12-23 / 4.5 stars

unadulterated something by m.j. duncan / mar. 23-25 / 4 stars

the fifth season by n.k. jemisin / mar. 26-apr. 15 / 4 stars

how to fake it in hollywood by ava wilder / apr. 16-19 / 3.5 stars

sharp objects by gillian flynn / apr. 19-22 / 4 stars

the homewreckers by mary kay andrews / apr. 22-25 / 3.5 stars

the kiss curse by erin sterling / apr. 25-26 / 3.5 stars

the wedding crasher by mia sosa / apr. 26-27 / 3 stars

let’s get physical: how women discovered exercise and reshaped the world by danielle friedman / mar. 25-apr. 27 / 4 stars

mile high by liz tomforde / apr. 27-may 6 / 1.5 stars

happy place by emily henry / may 6-7 / 5 stars

carrie soto is back by taylor jenkins reid / may 7 / 4 stars

the spanish love deception by elena armas / may 8 / 2 stars

neon gods by katee robert / may 8-9 / 1 star

love in the time of serial killers by alicia thompson / may 9-11 / 4 stars

the bodyguard by katherine center / may 11 / 4 stars

the intimacy experiment by rosie danan / may 11-12 / 3 stars

upgrade by blake crouch / may 12-13 / 4 stars

by any other name by lauren kate / may 13 / 3 stars

the dead romantics by ashley poston / may 15-17 / 4 stars

the ballad of songbirds and snakes by suzanne collins / may 19-28 / 3.5 stars

so many ways to lose: the amazin’ true story of the new york mets—the best worst team in baseball by devin gordon / may 13-jun. 4 / 4 stars

iron widow by xiran jay zhao / jun. 5-7 / 3 stars

the grace year by kim liggett / jun. 7-8 / 4 stars

the last magician by lisa maxwell / jun. 9-11 / 4.5 stars

little fires everywhere by celeste ng / jun. 12-14 / 4 stars

not a happy family by shari lapena / jun. 14-17 / 2.5 stars

the familiars by stacey halls / jun. 17-21 / 3 stars

the girls i’ve been by tess sharpe / jun. 21-22 / 3.5 stars

once more with feeling by elissa sussman / jun. 23 / 3 stars

the cheat sheet by sarah adams / jun. 24-25 / 1 star

how to sell a haunted house by grady hendrix / jun. 26-29 / 3 stars

little thieves by margaret owen / jul. 1-3 / 4.5 stars

this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone / jul. 3-6 / 3 stars

the very secret society of irregular witches by sangu mandanna / jul. 11-12 / 4 stars

the lies of locke lamora by scott lynch / jul. 13-27 / 4.5 stars

seven days in june by tia williams / jul. 28-30 / 4 stars

bloodmarked by tracy deonn / jul. 31-aug. 2 / 4 stars

something wilder by christina lauren / aug. 3-4 / 3 stars

howl’s moving castle by diana wynne jones / aug. 4-5 / 4 stars

dark matter by blake crouch / aug. 12-13 / 3 stars

eat up! food, appetite, and eating what you want by ruby tandoh / jul. 30-aug. 14 / 4 stars

the silent companions by laura purcell / aug. 5-18 / 4 stars

mr. wrong number by lynn painter / aug. 19-20 / 2 stars

romantic comedy by curtis sittenfeld / aug. 20-21 / 4 stars

the last tale of the flower bride by roshani chokshi / aug. 21-23 / 4 stars

the hating game by sally thorne / aug. 23-25 / 2 stars

lessons in chemistry by bonnie garmus / aug. 25-26 / 2.5 stars

the godparent trap by rachel van dyken / aug. 27 / 2 stars

i’m glad my mom died by jennette mccurdy / aug. 27-29 / 4 stars

the atlas six by olivie blake / aug. 29-sep. 9 / 3 stars

wordslut: a feminist guide to taking back the english language by amanda montell / sep. 1-9 / 4 stars

practice makes perfect by sarah adams / sep. 10-11 / 3 stars

all systems red by martha wells / sep. 13-14 / 3 stars

do i know you? by emily wibberly and austin siegemund-broka / sep. 14-16 / 4 stars

same time next summer by annabel monaghan / sep. 17 / 3.5 stars

Ounder the influence by noelle crooks / sep. 18-22 / 4 stars

burn for me by ilona andrews / sep. 22-23 / 4 stars

the littlest library by poppy alexander / sep. 24 / 3 stars

the neighbor favor by kristina forest / sep. 25-27 / 3 stars

satisfaction guaranteed by karelia stetz-waters / sep. 28-oct. 5 / 3 stars

the ex talk by rachel lynn solomon / oct. 5-7 / 4 stars

change of plans by dylan newton / oct. 8-9 / 2 stars

coraline by neil gaiman / oct. 9 / 4 stars

you, again by kate goldbeck / oct. 9-11 / 3 stars

mrs. caliban by rachel ingalls / oct. 12 / 3 stars

summer sons by lee mandelo / oct. 12-19 / 4 stars

the death of jane lawrence by caitlin starling / oct. 19-24 / 3 stars

house of hollow by krystal sutherland / oct. 25-29 / 4 stars

white hot by ilona andrews / oct. 28-nov. 2 / 4.5 stars

twice shy by sarah hogle / nov. 4-5 / 3 stars

sexed up: how society sexualizes us, and how we can fight back by julia serano / nov. 2-10 / 4 stars

artificial condition by martha wells / nov. 11-14 / 4 stars

wildfire by ilona andrews / nov. 14-16 / 4.5 stars

between a fox and a hard place by mary frame / nov. 18 / 3 stars

revolting prostitutes: the fight for sex workers’ rights by molly smith and juno mac / nov. 18-20 / 4 stars

emily wilde’s encyclopaedia of faeries by heather fawcett / nov. 21-24 / 4.5 stars

love and other words by christina lauren / nov. 24-25 / 3 stars

the boyfriend candidate by ashley winstead / nov. 26 / 3.5 stars

the seven year slip by ashley poston / nov. 27-28 / 5 stars

how to fall out of love madly by jana casale / dec. 3-10 / 3 stars

ordinary monsters by j.m. miro / dec. 10-21 / 3 stars

rogue protocol by martha wells / dec. 22-23 / 4 stars

what you wish for by katherine center / dec. 25 / 3 stars

the blonde identity by ally carter / dec. 25-26 / 2.5 stars

just my type by falon ballard / dec. 26-31 / 2 stars

[cscclibrary]

[Image description: Horizontal rectangular graphic; the background is the Disability Pride flag, with adjoining red, yellow, white, aqua, and green stripes slanting together from the top left to bottom right corners on a dark gray background. White text in the center foreground says "Disability Pride: / Suggested Reading / Columbus State Library / library.cscc.edu."]

July is Disability Pride month, and that means it's time for a bigger, better, updated Disability Pride reading list!

A Disability History of the United States, by Kim E. Nielsen

Being Heumann: An Unrepentant Memoir of a Disability Rights Activist, by Judith Heumann

About Us: Essays from the Disability Series of the New York Times, Peter Catapano and Rosemarie Garland-Thomson, editors

Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice, by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and how to Be an Ally, by Emily Ladau

Disability as Diversity: Developing Cultural Competence, by Erin E. Andrews. Companion case study volume here.

Exile & Pride: Disability, Queerness, and Liberation, by Eli Clare

The Minority Body: A Theory of Disability, by Elizabeth Barnes

Nothing about Us without Us: Disability Oppression and Empowerment, by James I. Charlton

The Problem Body: Projecting Disability in Film, Sally Chivers and Nicole Markotić, editors

Routledge Handbook of Disability Studies, Nick Watson and Simo Vehmas, editors

My Wonderful Life as a Vegetable, Lars Feldballe producer/director

The Disability Rights Movement: From Charity to Confrontation, by Doris Zames Fleischer and Frieda Zames

Disability Experiences: Memoirs, Autobiographies, and Other Personal Narratives, G. Thomas Couser and Susannah B. Mintz, editors

The Routledge Handbook of Disability Activism, Maria Berghs, Tsitsi Chataika, Yahya El-Lahib and Andrew K. Dube, editors

Black Disability Politics, Sami Schalk

Year of the Tiger: An Activist's Life, by Alice Wong

Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century, Alice Wong, editor

From the Periphery: Real-Life Stories of Disability, by Pia Justesen

Young, Disabled and LGBT+: Voices, Identities and Intersections, Alex Toft and Anita Franklin, editors

Disability, Media, and Representations: Other Bodies, Jacob Johanssen and Diana Garrisi, editors

The Routledge Handbook of Disability Arts, Culture, and Media, Bree Hadley and Donna McDonald, editors

Occupying Disability: Critical Approaches to Community, Justice, and Decolonizing Disability, Pamela Block, Devva Kasnitz, Akemi Nishida, Nick Pollard, editors

Use our catalog to search for more titles on this topic!

Current Columbus State Students and employees can check out books using a photo ID. Ebooks and other electronic materials can be used both on and off campus; off-campus use requires logging in with your Columbus State username and password.

[blackgirlhappyplanner]

My 2024 #PlannerStack includes:

MakseLife Goal Planner

Cocoa Daisy Disc Planner (use for Memory Keeping)

Wellness + Meal Planner

Success Journal (notebook catch all for goals and projects)

Erin Condren Clever Girl Finance Budget Planner

Notebook/Pink and Green (use for Creative Biz projects)

Erin Condren Reading and Book Log

Traveler's Notebooks (1. Cocoa Daisy Weekly, 2. Hobonichi Weekly, 3. Index Card Planner System)

[vanserrass]

Reading Log

76/100

*reread

JANUARY

1. Welcome to The O.C - Allan Sepinwall

2. The Beast - Katee Roberts

3. Sweep in Peace - Ilona Andrews

4. House of Earth and Blood* - Sarah J. Mass

5. House of Sky and Breath* - Sarah J. Mass

FEBRUARY

6. House of Flame and Shadow - Sarah J Mass

7. One Fell Sweep - Ilona Andrews

8. An Offer From A Gentlemen - Julia Quinn

9. Sweep of the Blade - Ilona Andrews

10. An Easy Death - Charlaine Harris

MARCH

11. A Longer Fall - Charlaine Harris

12. The Russian Cage - Charlaine Harris

13. Sweep With Me - Ilona Andrews

14. The Serpent in Heaven - Charlaine Harris

15. Romancing Mr. Bridgerton - Julia Quinn

16. Sweep of the Heart - Ilona Andrews

APRIL

17. The Stolen Heir* - Holly Black

18. Throne of the Fallen - Kerri Maniscalco

19. Fourth Wing* - Rebecca Yarros

20. Flawless - Elsie Silver

21. Funny Story - Emily Henry

22. Storm and Fury - Jennifer L. Armentrout

MAY

23. Rage and Ruin - Jennifer L. Armentrout

24. Grace and Glory - Jennifer L. Armentrout

25. The Way of the Shadows - Brent Weeks

26. Perfect Shadow - Brent Weeks

27. Asking for a Friend - Andi Osho

JUNE

28. Heartless - Elsie Silver

29. Shadow’s Edge - Brent Weeks

30. The Art Thief - Michael Finley

31. Powerless - Elsie Silver

32. The Party Crasher - Sophie Kinsella

33. Beyond the Shadows - Brent Weeks

34. To Sir Phillip With Love - Julia Quinn

JULY

35. House of Flame and Shadow* - Sarah J. Maas

36. The Guest List - Lucy Foley

37. Gild* - Raven Kennedy

38. The Black Prism - Brent Weeks

39. Meet Me at the Lake - Carley Fortune

40. Glint* - Raven Kennedy

AUGUST

41. The Blinding Knife - Brent Weeks

42. Canadian Boyfriend - Jenny Holiday

43. The Broken Eye - Brent Weeks

44. Slaying the Vampire Conquer - Carissa Broadbent

45. Gleam* - Raven Kennedy

46. Uprooted - Naomi Novik

47. The Blood Mirror - Brent Weeks

48. I’m Glad My Mom Died - Jennette McCurdy

SEPTEMBER

49. A Court of Thorns and Roses* - Sarah J. Maas

50. A Court of Mist and Fury* - Sarah J. Mass

51. Sanguine - Sierra Simone

52. The Midnight Feast - Lucy Foley

OCTOBER

53. Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë

54. A Court of Wings and Ruin* - Sarah J. Mass

55. The Ex Hex - Erin Sterling

56. Middle of the Night - Riley Sager

57. A Court of Frost and Starlight* - Sarah J. Maas

58. We Have Always Lived in the Castle* - Shirley Jackson

59. The Haunting of Hill House* - Shirley Jackson

60. The Enforcer - Avery Keelan

61. The Kiss Curse - Erin Sterling

62. The House Across the Lake - Riley Sager

63. They Never Learn - Layne Fargo

64. This Summer Will Be Different - Carley Fortune

65. Dark Lover - J.R. Ward

NOVEMBER

66. The Only One Left - Riley Sager

67. The Burning White - Brent Weeks

68. Final Girls - Riley Sager

69. Magical Midlife Madness - K.F. Breene

70. The Wedding Witch - Erin Sterling

71. Magical Midlife Dating - K.F. Breene

72. Lock Every Door - Riley Sager

73. A Man Called Ove - Fredrick Bachman

74. Lover Eternal - J.R. Ward

75. Magical Midlife Invasion - K.F. Breene

76. Tangled Up In You - Christina Lauren

[tedwoodward]

2024 reading log :) most are audiobooks

Legends & Lattes, Travis Baldree

The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant, Drew Hayes (reread)

Undeath and Taxes, Drew Hayes (reread)

Bloody Acquisitions, Drew Hayes (reread)

The Fangs of Freelance, Drew Hayes (reread)

Deadly Assessments, Drew Hayes

Undeading Bells, Drew Hayes

Out of House and Home, Drew Hayes

NPCs, Drew Hayes

Posthumous Education, Drew Hayes

The Queen of Days, Greta Kelly

100 Fathoms Below, Steven L. Kent and Nicholas Kaufmann

Soulless, Gail Carriger (reread)

When Brooklyn Was Queer, Hugh Ryan

The Starless Sea, Erin Morgenstern

One for My Enemy, Olivie Blake

[strobarium]

erin's thoughts on "paper angel."

the first post on the strobarium! how nice. (SPOILERS AHEAD.)

(eyestraining colors ahoy, dereality-type stuff is mentioned)

youtube recommended me a video i really, really enjoy by this youtuber named Mara. it's well over an hour long and she talks a lot about her experiences with outsider art and mixed media, among other things. its worth a watch if you do like long-winded video essays about...STUFF. i guess

thats only partially relevant, though. i bring the video up because within it, she talks about the game in question today, briefly. the visuals struck a chord with me, and the seemingly abstract narrative being more or less promoted my way was very intriguing and had me interested in getting my hands on it.

you already picked up the title from the title of the post but i like using big font!

"Paper Angel," by Slitherbop.

(love that title screen, wow.)

Slitherbop, or, Slither, is a 25-year old surrealist illustrator based in Sasketchewan, Canada, from what his Neocities homepage states. he has an absolute ton of really colorful and trippy art spread out across several pages, but i feel the most of them you'd find on his tumblr page. i'd recommend looking into if you're...well i mean if you're even READING THIS you're prob into the same type shit i be on, yeah. lol. anyway,

Slither has OCs. (commonplace amongst contemporary illustrators online, if you've noticed) One of them, is the focus of the game i'm going to write a lot about.

Spinwhim! (they/them)

(god, look at them.)

taken from Slither's toyhou.se (toyhou.se is more or less an original character database tool that illustrators like to use, a lot, to log their OCs and stuff)

"Spinwhim is a powerful healer and grand storyteller. They’re very kind, outgoing, and wacky. They like to travel all around to help others. Their intense curiosity and passion makes them meddlesome. They can focus and see the world on a cellular level, which is utilized in healing and creating. Good :-)"

they, are more or less the focal point of the entire visual novel. it's a treat that they are, their design is great (much as it does change over the course of the game,) and i generally do like their demeanor and how they interact with me, the player.

speaking of the player, i don't really know who i play as! it's a blank-slate type deal. i speak very vaguely and generally i think im depicted as rather confused seeming/"out-of-it."

competent enough to prepare soup for an ill spinwhim though. OH right. plot stuff. i should get into that-

...well, actually the plot's not really super complex. you're there with spinwhim in this house within this elaborately colorful world and you're essentially nursing them back to health. its said in game you spend about a week with them.

...

i didn't even get to experience the whole week but i just. i have this incredible draw towards them.

it's not really a surprise to me that any motherly (well, or even fatherly) figure with this type of benevolent, reassuring and friendly aura just resonates with me: as i kind of allude to in the preface, i've had familial...struggles in the past and i more or less continue to, especially as it relates to how i feel about my biological parents. its complex and i don't think i could really get into it fully no matter the medium, idk.

spinwhim is just nice to experience speaking to me even if it is confined to the limitations of a RPG Maker VX Ace-created visual novel. (shoutout RPG Maker also, wow, interactive outsider art people love this program a lot i have learned LOL.) as i'm taking care of them, they note how good of a job i'm doing, and even how helpful i've been to the recovery process they're going through relating to the unknown illness they have. i'm even just complimented in general regarding my demeanor and whatnot... i really do wish they were someone i could come to for comfort like i do a fair amnt of my friends, or romantic partners. it would be nice.

what, really sealed the deal, was the twist.

after seemingly, fully recovering from their illness, they're up and at it and in a different fit than normal, to boot. they say they cleared a path to head into town (the whole duration of the game, some apparently severe snowy weather was hitting your gen. location) and that they're excited to go.

they ask me if i want to come with.

so, OF FUCKING COURSE i hit go with. lol

after expressing excitement that i actually did want to go with, they ask me to come closer.

they recount how horrible it was living the way they were, prior. that their head was "caving in" and that they were "boiling" and "lethargic." sounds pretty tough. but after that, they hit me with this revelation:

i was... CREATED???

(the actual verbiage and whatnot they use to talk about everything from this point forward is genuinely just breathtaking also as a side note)

it especially explains the demeanor they've had toward me throughout the game, like i kinda said earlier, very motherly overall. i felt loved. it was sincerely nice. but then it gets even more emotional frm there for me...they say this:

"When I say I want you to come with me, I mean I want to absorb you back into me. You will be returning from where you came. Your thoughts will be my thoughts again, and it will be like a dream to me. It will be wonderful…"

was given a choice.

ONCE AGAIN. OF FUCKING COURSE I HIT YES.

this part just made me tear up a little-the response i got:

"Oh, my beautiful apple. You will no longer live in this confusion of yours. You will be safe."

i basically immediately realized what was happening to me and why it was hitting me so damn hard.

...

it's basically no secret at this point (i make sure its not) that i'm, dissociative. to the extent i fucking formed 10+ people in my head about it. lol. that being said, i'm all-too familiar with what it's like to just be, broken, split apart, fractured.

Its Not Great !

i lucked out, with my system. (there's a lot to it but this dissociative disorder shit can REALLY BE TOUGH depending on a lot of circumstances. well its tough Already, but yeah) i only (at the time of writing) deal with one alter who more or less has it out for me, and the rest of us. that makes it so that i have pretty much 12 additional friends just kind of in my noggin at every given moment. it's pretty cool-things are even such a way regarding how we work that they can just talk to me and my friends rather fluidly. it can result in a lot of shenanigans.

but the road to which led them all to forming was fucking crazy and shitty. i won't go into details i guess here but dissociative disorders are most of the time traumagenic, to give you an idea. its not great, as i said earlier. theres just a lot to OSDD that i don't like, the memory issues i regularly have come to mind, along with me feeling detached from the world, other things. blegh.

that considered along with , complex (negative) feelings abt family shit considered it's probably just, obvious as hell why this scene resonates with me so much.

(had this revelation while getting screenshots for this post but the character they're hugging which i can only assume is the player looks alarmingly like one of my oldest sonas. made everything hit a lil harder for me)

i feel like a broken soul. and i yearn to be whole, again.

i don't think i would have taken up this oppurtunity irl if i was granted it given how much i do enjoy about being my own person who does things and whatnot but the thought lingers. getting to live it out to some degree thru this lil mini interactive artpiece just proved very therapeutic to me. i discovered it very early in the morning, and didnt really talk to anyone about it until after i experienced it. going through all of that solitarily, in my blue-lit room (thank you phillips for the hue bulb. Lol) just did a lot for me. i'm very, very thankful.

(should also note the same day i played the game i also took a phone call frm my mom and we talked about life stuff. it kinda hurt. to quote frm a more primitive form of this writeup "she used to bring me great comfort in my youth, during times i really needed it. complex feelings have led to a rift between us, that she can't even see. that i don't even, know if i want her to see." kinda says everything ig)

it was a nice escape from everything i'm generally going through at the moment, broadly. the process of recovery has proven to be fucking insane and full of all sorts of surprises on top of a very unpleasant yet expected amount of moments ive been faced with my absolutely, less pleasant qualities to my personality and bad habits and such. it sucks, but im at least...well i like to THINK im at least angled toward being better about shit but i don't know. i'm still learning. it's tough and i know i'm not alone when it comes to CPTSD recovery or dissociative disorder coping or bipolar disorder coping or whatever the hell else, but it really just, feels cold and solitary a lot of the time regardless. it's tough. it really is tough.

im just glad i found this little game. any sort of respite that appeals to me to that degree is just very appreciated.

i almost thought it was some strange divine shit going down in my life that led me to even stumbling upon it, the way it hit me. didn't lead to any i guess new revelations about my life or whatever, which is fine!

but. i liked it. it's nice.

i'm grateful. :)

slitherbop, if you're reading this, thank you. sincerely. from the bottom of my heart.

also plz more acid glitch parenting moment's plz (lol)

~ E.K.S.G.

[thebardisabird]

I would like to thank @karamatsusquirrel for commissioning me and allowing me to bring such a very lovely prompt to life for her. She was sweet enough to allow me to post it here for you all to read. Researcher!Erin x Naga!Karamatsu, under the cut:

To say she had been counting down the days until this next trip was an understatement. Originally she was meant to only explore the area once; gathering photos of the local wildlife and a few carefully collected samples of plants to return back to her homebase site. It was referred to as the Akatsuka Wilds - an uninhabited, unexplored section of rainforest that many explorers knew little to nothing about. Rumor had it that each expedition there had left the active crew completely frightened and unable to finish the tasks at hand…and when questioned about it, refused to even speak on the matter. As a result, the Akatsuka Wilds remained an enigma to all. Erin had been researching with Professor Dekapan and his team for only a couple of years, a true asset in her willingness to assist in projects and her keen eye for spotting details undetectable to even some of her seniors. However, there was more she wanted to learn - and with her knowledge and experience thus far, she offered to take on a project no one else would: exploring the Akatsuka Wilds. There was heavy reluctance in Professor Dekapan at her request, but seeing her bright eyes and excitement for a challenge, he couldn’t say no. 

That’s how she began traversing the depths of the rainforest. She was properly armed with a flare gun, an emergency radio, and a machete as she made her way through the greenery on her own. Recollecting her first visit, the foliage seemed typical of what was expected: plenty of orchids, bromeliads, and even a few trees with pitcher plants. The animals nearby weren’t uncommon either: a flock of toucans, a tapir (with which Erin safely kept her distance), and quite a few red tree frogs. She had notes from previous trips that the area always seemed to bustle with life, sounds and smells captivating her senses at each expedition. A feeling she swore she would never get tired of. The young researcher smiled to herself, rereading some of her older entries in her logbook. When she returned from her very first voyage, there were questions galore: “What happened to you?” “Did you find anything new?” “Did you see the unspoken horrors that befell the other crews?”

Erin remembered the excitement in her voice, “Even better! I made contact with a Naga tribe!” 

It took Professor Dekapan a multitude of meetings to convince her cohorts to allow her to continue this expedition alone. Their curiosities were piqued - but seeing as how Erin had all of the proficiency and clear capability to hold her own in uncharted territory, she was made the sole researcher for the area. In her logs she’d made mention of accidentally running into a ‘large yellow snake-man hybrid’, a subdivision of mythical serpentine creatures that she would later find out were referred to as nagas. This specific naga had caught her off guard one day as she was uprooting a specimen of flora never seen before. Its movements were sudden, the noise of its slithering only catching her ears at the very last second. Erin remembered letting out a startled scream and ducking for cover upon sight of it, but nothing wound up actually happening. When she felt it safe to look up, she was face to face with the beast. An obtusely wide grin that held sharp fangs and large yellow eyes greeted her. “Ha…you didn’t run away or try to hurt me like the rest of them, you’re brave!” it exclaimed, pulling back from her slowly. She blinked, stunned by its sudden speech. Upon closer inspection, this creature not only had a long canary colored tail, but held the musculature and frame of a man from the navel and up. Seeing as how it distanced itself, Erin took this opportunity to spill the first question biting at her, “What…are you?” The snake-man tilted its head in thought before perking up with a more cheerful grin, “I’m Jyushimatsu! I’m a naga!” And thus was her first contact with the Nagamatsu tribe of the Akatsuka Wilds. Detailed in her logs were several instances of her visiting him since. She’d made a pact with her new naga friend - he would bring her plants or show her signs of wildlife specific only to the region, and she would bring artifacts, teach him skill sets, or bring him goods from the world outside. Under this agreement, Erin found herself learning so much about the tribe solely through Jyushimatsu - a relationship that allowed for her to expound her comprehension on a once mysterious terrain. She came to find the more she absorbed, the more she wanted to know if there were others like Jyushimatsu. When the question arose, she was met with, “Of course! Next time you come visit, I’ll introduce you to my nii-sans!” 

So here she was, back once more on a new expedition with the promise of new meetings. Jyushimatsu led Erin deeper than she’d scouted before, through moss covered grounds and low hanging leaves until finally they came to a halt in front of a large mass of mixed foliage. A simple, “ho!” and Jyushimatu’s tail had taken hold of a large branch, moving it out of his way and holding it at bay. He gestured for her to step through the pathway first; what sight befell her was breathtaking. Large reeded huts, each adorned with a specific splotch of color! There were several trees, molded and shaped almost like lounge chairs. The sheer craftsmanship of all of the surrounding homegoods was so spellbinding that she failed to see the other five nagas staring directly at her. “Oi! Everyone! Meet my friend, Erin! She’s a human!” he waved giddily, hurrying her along to approach them. It made sense why the huts were color-coded - so was each brother! “Oh! She’s cute! Good job, Jyushimatsu, you think she’ll let me kiss-” said the crimson naga, before promptly being smacked by the jade one. “Idiot! That’s not how you introduce yourself to anybody, let alone a human!” He turned to Erin, “Forgive Osomatsu-niisan, he’s incredibly stupid,” his hand came to his chest, “I’m Choromatsu, the one behind me is Ichimatsu” as he pointed to a violet colored naga that was carefully observing you at a distance. Popping up suddenly came a naga in a more fuschia tone, “I’m Todomatsu! You’re really pretty! And your hair reminds me of oatmeal,” he giggled (she would put a pin in that to ask him how he knew what oatmeal was later). Finally, the last brother, shaded a deep cerulean, slid up to her, taking her tinier hand in his clawed one, “Heh, not everyday a bipedal princess makes her way to our humble abode” he leaned forward to brush his lips against her knuckles, “You can call me Karamatsu.” His overly flirtatious greeting had her blushing, but she held her composure enough to return the pleasantry. Erin would find that they were actually a rather socialized bunch - aware of the world outside while also remaining untethered from it. Questions of her past, what she did ‘to survive’ and how she met Jyushimatsu of course all arose. She was thankful to be able to ask as much about them as she wanted in return. Nagas had the capability to hypnotize prey, could shapeshift, and even once had regular contact with human society before industrialism destroyed a mass amount of the forest. Erin felt her heart sink at that last bit, taking note of their saddened expressions and reminding herself to speak to Professor Dekapan about a possible conservationist/restorationist effort. She was given the opportunity to capture a few photos of the native avifauna with the help of the brothers, and even collected a few petals and stems of a new bioluminescent flower that grew nearby. In exchange, she brought them sweet rice cakes that she made herself as well as some colorful, ethically sourced geodes from her past geology trips. Before she knew it, sundown would come. “Ah, I promise I’ll be back real soon to visit again, okay?” she waved goodbye to the brothers. It would be Karamatsu this time that would lead her out. He was cautious of wildlife that awoke at dusk, and though she didn’t see it - his tail would form a loose surrounding barrier around her. She felt oddly safe around the second son, and he made her more relaxed through his pleasant conversation about his parents and the things he’s seen in his lifetime (nagas also had an impressively long lifespan!). When the time came for them to part ways, Erin found Karamatsu shielding his eyes. “Oh the goddess that is the sun…she truly pains me around this time of day.” The analyst reacted as if a lightbulb had gone off, reaching suddenly into her knapsack. “Here,” she offered, pressing an object into Karamatsu’s hand. He studied the thing, black and shaped angularly, he wasn’t sure what to make of it. There were questions swimming in his expression. “They’re called sunglasses,” she said through a bubbly smile, “They help dim sunlight so you can see better, you just have to put them on over your eyes.” Karamatsu seemed unsure of what to do despite her description, though this allowed Erin to gently take the sunglasses from him and carefully placed them on his face. He blinked once. Twice. Even a third time, until it finally dawned on him that she was right - the sun was a lot less harsh in his peripheral vision! “A marvel!” he exclaimed, hands holding onto the temples in curiosity, “I never knew my eyes could be shielded so easily from her daunting rays!” A soft laugh escaped Erin, “They make you look pretty cool too, Karamatsu.” His eyes grew wide with emotion, her comment going straight to his heart, “I look…cool?” She nodded, “A hundred percent. And feel free to keep them please, if it helps you see better with the sun out, I’m glad I could be of use to you.” Karamatsu shook his head vigorously, his words failing him as he felt sheer joy overcome him. Erin said her goodbyes for the evening, reiterating her promise to visit again soon. As she walked back to her vehicle, she felt a flutter followed by a pang in her chest from that interaction just then. Karamatsu, he decided, would never take the sunglasses off again.

Each visit she returned, Karamatsu found himself growing ever closer to her. She was unbelievably kind - not only to him, but to his brothers to boot. Jyushimatsu had told them all about her the first time they’d met - and he couldn’t lie, his interest was piqued when the younger brother mentioned she wasn’t violent or scared of him. Little did he know how truly brilliant she was. Sandy brown locks that framed her ever-smiling face; a voice that spoke of the joys of life and the importance of using knowledge to give back and protect the planet. But her eyes…oh those dazzling orbs were what drew him in the most. They weren’t quite as green as Choromatsu’s scales, but they reminded him of the lush earth that was his home. Yet when they hit the sunlight just right, he swore he saw flecks of his signature color in them. The good nature she carried and her ever intelligent mind took a python’s hold on him. She was a beauty all her own. Her visits, no matter how frequent, began to feel too short to the second eldest. Karamatsu struggled with not being able to see Erin on a daily basis like he wanted. When confronting himself with these thoughts and feelings, he was only able to recognize them as emotions his mother used to talk about often when referring to her marriage. It didn’t really hit him in full until her last visit, when his scales had begun to shimmer upon seeing her. At that moment, Karamatsu would make up his mind for their next meeting. He walked her down their normal route to exit the rainforest at first, with him thanking her for showing all of his brothers how to plant and care for a garden of tomatoes. “Ah, darling, if you’ll wait a second” he stopped suddenly, shifting his body to the right, “There was one thing I wanted to show you quickly before you headed off for the evening, if you’ll follow me.” He guided her off of the path - an interference that would make a lesser person nervous, but Erin trusted Karamatsu wholeheartedly, she knew he’d never bring her to harm. Curiosity wracked her brain however, “Where are we going, Kara?” His grin was unnoticeably bashful, but he slowly parted a covering of vines to show her just where they’d headed: a small lake, crystalline blue and surrounded by the same bioluminescent flowers she’d gathered months ago. Her gasp was audible, “Oh my goodness, is it safe to swim in? Karamatsu, this is beautiful!” As soon as he confirmed so, the need to dive right in overcame her, and she quickly removed her shoes, running to the bank and submerging herself up to her elbows in a minute’s time. “C’mon you silly snake, come in with me!” she giggled as she waved him over. He followed suit, his tail propelling him into the water with serpentine grace. He circled around her, their laughter being shared as he was splashed at as a moving target. Karamatsu felt his scales shimmer again, the overwhelming need to hold her close to him settling in while his buoyant tail reflected the sunlight in gorgeous golden hues. Erin marveled at the sight, “I didn’t know you could do that! Is that an aquatic response?” 

Delighted in her amazement, Karamatsu forgot himself, “Not quite, dear Erin, it’s a courting resp-” and his voice caught in his throat when he realized what he was saying. The terror that plagued him was indescribable, his heart thrashing in his chest. He didn’t plan on telling her so soon. Erin looked up at him with softened doe eyes, “Karamatsu…?” The blue naga swallowed thickly. “I-It’s a courting response…” he stammered, eyes darting everywhere but her face now, “I…I-I like you, Erin.” It was silent for a moment. Karamatsu snapped his eyes shut, unable to face any potential rejection she gave him…only to feel the gentle touch of hands on his face. A question posed at his lips, but they would die on the pair that silenced them. Erin draped her arms around his neck, leaning into the kiss a bit more. Karamatsu instinctively encased his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer. His tongue flitted into her mouth, wrapping around her own in a playful manner. A clawed hand tangled itself in her hair, before finally pulling himself from her lips. “Erin, I…” Karamatsu paused, feeling unsure of what to say. With warmth and adoration tucked in her voice, Erin filled the silence, “I knew what I felt for you was different, Karamatsu…I’m so happy that you feel the same.” “I had no idea…” came his subdued response. Her smile turned to a playful smirk, “I wasn’t exactly subtle about it, Karamatsu…” and her fingers tapped his sunglasses. Flushed at her words, Karamatsu drew her in for a warm embrace. His chin slotted onto her shoulder blade, he whispered, “You were wrong, my flower, it’s I that should be happy you feel the same about me.” Erin pressed her hands firmly into his back, her head leaning on his shoulder, a wave of tenderness blanketing her. For learning so much as she had about nagas, she knew had far more to wonder about their courtship practices. But this discovery, she was thrilled to uncover, was one she would lovingly explore with the very blue naga that shared her affections. 

[fledermoved]

Hey guys, I know it's not Shoutout Saturday or anything, but I just HAD to say something about @drive-pdfs-and-stuff.

Y'all, this blog is AMAZING. Not only are they a fellow bat-lover, but they also have a TON of resources on-hand, either reblogged from others or logged by themself.

Information about the problematic nature of the Erin Hunter team (which, it's fine to still like the concept of warrior cats, as I surely do, but it's good to be aware that the writing is.... not very good and I do not agree with the writers)

Customized art program brushes!

Art references!

Art books!

A google drive with TONS (and I do mean TONS) of absolutely stunning book series to read - I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend checking out the Silverwing series ;; <3 It is my new bread and butter

A lot more!!

I owe my soul to this person. I mean, really. There's enough great content here to last a lifetime and I'm eternally grateful for it.

[pencopanko]

9 people you'd like to get to know better

Got tagged by a dear friend, @glitxd! Thankie uwu

Last song : "Rush" by Troye Sivan (I keep imagining Héctor, Óscar & Felipe, and even Julio--even though he is significantly shorter than everyone else--doing the choreography)

Favorite color(s) : Rose pink, red, black, white

Currently watching : PARKS AND REC!!!!! I AM FINALLY WATCHING PARKS AND REC

Last movie : Coco

Currently reading : "The Night Circus" by Erin Morgenstern, and "Macbeth" by William Shakespeare

Sweet/spicy/savory : All.

Relationship status : Single (crushing on someone rn)

Current obsession : Coco (if you have visited my blog in the past couple of days, you would have known by now that I am back on my Coco phase)

Last thing I googled : funko pop hector (pray for me so that I will have the money to buy it along with the Miguel Funko figure that has him strumming La Guitarra, surrounded by marigold petals)

Currently working on : Commissions (I am available for commissions!!), portfolio for an upcoming job application, and mostly trying to survive at the moment

Tagging : Because it has been such a long while since I logged on to this website and I miss my friends and I wanna get to know others here as well, I'm tagging @slusheeduck, @sweetiepie08, @im-fairly-whitty, @ciriparipa, @cadoized, @humanityinahandbag, @alreadyinmotion, @soopkreem, and @cursedskull-666

[wild-karrde]

I have to recommend Out of Our Element by @rexxdjarin for Fandom Friday. It’s literally everything Captain’s Log!Wolffe deserves, and it’s an incredible addition to the Captain’s Log series.

I am also absolutely in love with Julie’s OC, Zeeta. She’s sassy and fiery and tough, but she’s got such a tender side, too. She and Wolffe take each other for the rides of their lives and I am obsessed!!

YESSSSS I haven't read this yet, but I am HYPED for it. I have been EXCITEDLY AWAITING this fic since Julie first posted about Zeeta and the art of her was just STUNNING. I love how strong her OCs' personalities are and I cannot WAIT to see how Zeeta's personality plays out with Wolffe because that promises to be PERFECTION. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THIS IN ERIN!

Participate in Fandom Friday to show your favorite creators from this week some love! :)