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thebibliomancer · 4 years ago

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #228: TRIAL and ERROR!

February, 1983

AT LAST! The trial of Yellowjacket!

Its been over a month in-universe and about a year out of universe but here we are. The Trial of Hank Pym.

Although the time getting here was mostly farting around with other stuff while Hank sat in prison. Can you believe Scott Lang is the only person we see visit him?

The Avengers found time to experiment on an immortal child who thought jumping into the sun was a good idea but not to visit Hank?

I’m not saying that Jan should have had to put herself through that and Tony is clearly feeling too guilty over the whole thing. But Cap didn’t visit? Hawkeye didn’t? Mr. Lets Bust Hank Out?

Possibly they did off-screen. The Hank arc has been kind of suffering from Shooter’s inability to balance writing and EICing. I feel that if redone, there would be more to the arc.

Anyway, the trial!

We skipped the first two days. Its the third day of the trial now.

The graphic guy went above and beyond for that Sad Composited Hank graphic.

I like the AN AVENGER’S DARKEST HOUR thing.

I also like the setup for recapping the necessary details.

Ex-Avenger attempts to heist the government would be big news so all the information is conveyed as this news report.

INCLUDING COURTROOM SKETCHES

God, that’s good.

That’s good comicing. Amazing.

Look at Thor in a courtroom sketch. Superb.

Look at that cheesy graphic for the coverage. Does anybody in Marvel even use a domino mask?? Everything about this is amazing.

People may say that Frank Miller revolutionized using media talking heads for social commentary in his comics. Maybe. Maybe so. But how many courtroom sketches did he include? Huh?

So apparently the reason why we’re on day three of the trial is that days one and two were entirely debates over whether Hank was even fit to stand trial.

I’d’ve thought they would get that out of the way ahead of time.

And Hank wants his day in court. So who was arguing he wasn’t fit to stand trial? The prosecution?

Apparently, the prosecution tried to argue that Hank’s history as a hero made his crimes more heinous, as a legal argument.

Which, uh? Um? Uh?

The defense objected that this was prejudicial but they were overruled.

The news recap ends when She-Hulk turns off the television angrily for reminding her of her legal career.

She-Hulk: “Leeches! I haven’t met Henry Pym, but he can’t be the creep they’re making him out to be! And that prosecutor -- ! I know it’s his job, but do they all have to be sanctimonious?! I hated that when I was a practicing attorney, and I don’t hate it any less since I’ve become She-Hulk!”

Reminds me that her nemesis in her original Savage She-Hulk book was an Assistant DA called Buck Bukowski who was a real sexist douche.

He mellowed out over the course of the book, mostly by learning that a death he blamed She-Hulk for was sorta his fault, but I wonder if she left LA so she wouldn’t be tempted to throw him out to sea.

She-Hulk is also still super bored (in New York??) and wanders downstairs to see if anyone is up to anything interesting.

Downstairs in the gym, she finds that the Caps are training.

The Captains America and Marvel.

Cap(tain America) is doing some combat training with Captain Monica Marvel.

This will not be at all confusing to have them on the same team.

Anyway, this training sequence is amazing so lets just have it all:

Cool stuff, Caps.

The training has to be cut short because Cap(tain America) has a prior commitment but still good stuff.

She-Hulk applauds Captain Marvel’s showing but Marvel waves it off as thanks to Cap(tain America)’s training. Which Cap(tain America) waves off as thanks to her being a quick study.

Its like a self-perpetuating modesty loop in here.

Cap excuses himself to go to his prior engagement.

Captain Marvel: “It’s easy to see why he’s called a living legend! He’s very good! And his grasp of strategy is second to none!”

She-Hulk: “Yeah, he does pretty well for a guy with no powers, but I could take him!”

What a this era of She-Hulk thing to say, She-Hulk.

Captain Marvel tells She-Hulk hey maybe not! Cap has stood up to some pretty tough customers, including Jen’s cousin the Hulk.

Which She-Hulk didn’t know!

Y’know, after Bruce (or recently implied to be Joe Fixit Actually??) started Jen’s origin story, the Hulk has not much further relevance in the Savage She-Hulk book. Jen doesn’t even give any indication that she’s keeping up with his exploits.

Not surprising, since the book was trying to be its own thing. And Jen’s life just starts to implode not very far into her solo so she doesn’t have time to also worry about Bruce.

Captain Marvel mentions that all of Cap(tain America)’s run-ins with the Hulk are recorded in the Avengers computer archives and She-Hulk concedes she should give that a look.

Hey, she finally has something to do in New York!

Captain Marvel also tells She-Hulk that she’s going to head home.

She-Hulk: “You have a place in the city?”

Captain Marvel: “Not this city... New Orleans.”

She-Hulk: “NEW ORLEANS?!?”

Captain Marvel: “Sure! It’s a snap to commute -- when you can travel at the speed of light! Take care!”

And then she nyooms off!

NYOOM!

It’s a good point! I hadn’t considered it but yeah, Monica can just commute. No need to uproot her life to become an Avenger.

I guess that’s why the decision was so easy for her to make.

She-Hulk is still at the window, wishing she could lightspeed to Malibu, when Thor and Janet arrive from court.

Janet thanks Thor for coming to court with her. Which he says no big to because “Time given to one’s friends is well spent. Would that I had given more time to poor Henry before this.”

You’re a cool guy, Thor.

The mention of Hank has Jan break down a little.

Jan: “Oh, Thor! Why has this happened to us... to all of us? We’re Avengers!”

Thor: “But still we are human -- aye, even a ‘god’ such as I! None of us are immune to wounds of the spirit. We err... we misunderstand. Janet? Is there anything more I can do?”

Jan: “No! No... I’m all right! We mustn’t dwell on the past. The future’s all that matters!”

Thor: “But...”

Jan: “I don’t want to talk about it anymore!”

Geez.

We’ve seen how affected the Avengers have been by what Hank has done and what they think he has done. We’ve seen Jan is more messed up by it than the smile she puts on lets on.

But the plaintive questioning of how this could be happening to the Avengers still hits hard.

Thor respects Jan’s wish to end the discussion to the frustration of She-Hulk who has been watching this conversation from the upstairs window.

She’s frustrated that Jan won’t just let it out, that Thor just let the subject drop.

She-Hulk: “It’s that blasted Avengers’ tradition of ‘respecting the privacy of members’ personal affairs.’ The founding members carry it too far! Can’t they see how it hurts them? And Jan -- ? Why does she hold in all that grief and heartache? Why doesn’t she cry and scream and shout and get it out of her system?!”

Jen and Jan are two very different people!

But She-Hulk, and Hulks generally, are about letting your feelings out. And Jan van Wasp has long been about playing the flighty sprite.

I’d crack joke about She-Hulk being this invested in the drama of the Avengers already but Jan is her friend. They presumably went car shopping together.

And She-Hulk has very few friends and almost zero female friends. Her one female friend died in a convoluted car accident and then She-Hulk mostly had a male supporting cast. Thank goodness she’s here on the Avengers with its two whole other women.

Meanwhile, at Stark International, Cap(tain America) has come to pay a visit.

He hasn’t been able to reach Tony in days. And Tony’s secretary told him that Tony has locked himself away in his private lab and that he doesn’t want to see anyone.

But if he didn’t want to see anyone, he should have thought twice about making it so that the security system will let in any Cap that flashes an Avengers ID.

Cap is particularly worried because of that nasty argument they had about Tony dating Jan. Tony has been pretty down since they broke up and Cap doesn’t want to see him fall apart like Hank did.

And.

Tony is. Doing. Maybe not okay.

He’s sweating a lot and unshaven and monomaniacally focused on a project.

Cap finds him holding up an enormous piece of machinery and doing SCIENCE.

This is the final evolution of Tony’s guilty conscience regarding Hank Pym.

Iron Man: “Remember how Moondragon used her mental powers to mess with our heads? Well, it’s my theory that she’s responsible for Hank’s recent troubles! I aim to prove that with this cerebral scanner! This baby should tell us whether or not Hank did the crazy things he did because of some outside mental influence! I hope I’m right!”

I mean, he raises a fair point! I don’t think its the case because what would it have benefited Moondragon to make Hank do what he did? And if its an inadvertent thing, she mind controlled a lot of people when the roster change-up was happening back in #211 so why did only Hank get affected? Plus, it doesn’t really match up with what both Hank and Jan have been saying about his behavior deteriorating before then.

But, Tony is going to Tony. And he, like many fans and writers and editors, just want a simple nonsense explanation that can make a distressing thing go away.

Cap points out that the ginormous machine can’t exactly be dragged down to the courthouse but this is just the prototype. Tony is going to have a miniaturized version ready by Monday.

Cap: “I see. Tony, how long have you been up?”

Iron Man: “I don’t know... 30... 40 hours, maybe. What difference does it make?”

Cap: “It makes plenty! You’ve had some rough sledding lately... You can’t keep on driving yourself this way!”

Iron Man: “But I have to do something for Hank. I feel that I let him down... In so many ways.”

Cap: “You can’t help him if you kill yourself in the process!”

Tony is going to Tony. I think that in some ways he might have a more overdeveloped guilt complex than Peter Parker or Matt Murdock.

For Reasons, I’ve taken a look at how things are going in the Iron Man book around this time and oof. Poor Tony.

Over in Leonia, New Jersey, Vision and Scarlet Witch are watching the trial coverage on the news and-

Okay.

1.) How do you make watching the network news so moody and dramatic, Vision? Do you ever actually relax?

2.) Do you two just wear your costumes around the house? Surely you must have other clothes? Vision? Do you have other clothes?

Some other stuff is that Wanda has been holding up Jan and Hank as the ideal marriage so this whole thing has been weirding her out. Although Vision has had a less rosy opinion of it, having been there for it with all of the marrying the split personality nonsense involved.

Although I don’t know why issue #68 is referenced. I don’t think that had anything to do with anything. Issue #60 is where the wedding happened.

Bet whoever put that caption wishes they had access to the internet.

I kind of wish we got more stuff like earlier, got to see Avengers not currently on the team and other heroes that worked with Hank Pym reacting to his disgrace exit from the team and then arrest. Wish we could have had Vision and Wanda try to visit him in jail.

Meanwhile, Long Island Sound.

A LOCATION OF EVIL

A suited man arrives and knocks on 13308 McKinley.

He is Dr. Chen Lu and he is expected.

Moonstone/Dr. Karla Sofen meets Dr. Chen Lu at the door and shows him in to the secret science basement where Egghead is running an experiment with the latest scientific equipment that can be begged, borrowed, or stolen.

I’m figuring... mostly stolen? Right? Like Egghead’s plan was to steal all the resources he needed? Because, ugh Effort?

Moonstone interrupts Egghead to let him know Dr. Chen Lu has arrived and Egghead is thrilled! He rushes from his seat to shake his hand.

And the sentiment is returned by Dr. Chen Lu who is eager to join Egghead’s project.

Y’know, Egghead is a jerk and is stealing all of his resources but his project will hugely improve medical science and he’s getting criminal scientists off the street and into some actual science jobs they can be excited about.

Dr. Chen asks how Egghead isn’t dead because he was pretty sure he was told Egghead was dead. And Egghead sure has a tale to tell!

In Defender #43, Egghead set up Cobalt Man to reach critical mass and explode to distract the Defenders so he could steal a magical star. When Cobalt Man found out, he was pretty pissed and decided to blow up Egghead.

Egghead: “We had a bit of a falling out, you might say... and he ended the situation most dramatically. Witnesses actually assumed we’d both perished. In actuality, I had been teleported by an experimental mechanism to relative safety in the New Jersey swamps... and unlike death, one can usually return from the state of New Jersey!”

Damn, Egghead! Criminal genius that you are, you’ve found the only New Jersey joke I’ve ever laughed at! Fiend!

I think its the glasses adjusting what does it.

Anyway, Egghead’s and Dr. Chen’s cool conversation gets interrupted by Tiger Shark and Shocker bursting through the ceiling fighting.

Beetle flies in after them and apologizes for the mess but says ‘really Shocker had it coming, man, fuck Shocker.’

Beetle and Moonstone jump in to separate the two.

Hey, you might be wondering how the Masters of Evil are out of jail when last time we saw them was getting arrested after attacking the Avengers like dumbasses?

Check that panel where Iron Man is lifting a really heavy thing. There’s a news broadcast about a bunch of prison escapes. Good job on the same issue setup, Stern!

Shocker complains that Tiger Shark called him a two-bit hood but Tiger Shark says in his defense that Shocker IS a two-bit hood (Not inaccurate...) who nearly screwed up the isotope heist. But Egghead says that Shocker is an important part of the operation.

Then Tiger Shark notices Dr. Chen Lu and says a slur.

C’mon, guy. Don’t be like that.

Dr. Chen Lu: “Speaking without thinking seems to be second nature to you, Tiger Shark. In the interest of our future partnership, I shall excuse the insult to my race... this time! But I warn you, do not use that word in my presence again, or you shall answer to -- THE RADIOACTIVE MAN!”

Tiger Shark hurriedly says that obviously he didn’t mean to offend. Because Dr. Chen Lu Radioactive Man fwooshed into his green skin (dammit comics whats with you and Asian people and green skin?) radioactive form and costume.

But with Radioactive Man on the team, the Masters of Evil are finally complete and ready for the next step of EGGHEAD’S BOLD PLAN.

Meanwhile, Hawkeye returns to his apartment from his day job, kind of looking a steady paycheck in the mouth. Sure the big wad of bucks is nice but its sooo boring. Thank goodness he has Avengersing to keep things exciting.

He then sings a short bit about “Best of both worlds -- !” because Hawkeye.

Hawkeye sees the news broadcast about the Hank Pym trial and even though he hasn’t been called to testify (because he wasn’t part of the team when Hank was caught with his hands in the government’s cookie jar) he figures what the heck, he’ll go to the trial anyway to show moral support.

And he does! In full costume!

In fairness, so are Thor and Captain America.

I guess Captain America and Hawkeye don’t have publicly revealed identities. But they couldn’t have thrown a suit on Thor?

Please put Thor in a suit. For reasons.

She-Hulk and Wasp are wearing nice court clothes.

Although She-Hulk seems uncomfortable in her nice court clothes.

(By the by, She-Hulk showing up at all makes Hawkeye warm up to her a little, since he figures that in her own way she cares about being an Avenger as much as he does.)

By the way, notice who wasn’t in that picture? Hawkeye leans over to whisper to Cap where is Iron Man? Annnnd Cap thinks maybe he just got wrapped up in his cerebral scanner project.

At this point in the trial (day 4), Hank has finally been called up to the stand to testify on his own behalf.

So, of course, given Hank Pym’s luck, the courtroom explodes.

What a dynamite conclusion to this arc!

The Masters of Evil (Moonstone, Radioactive Man, Tiger Shark, Shocker, and Beetle) jump into the court through the exploded ceiling, grab Hank Pym, have Shocker blow up the load bearing wall, and then run out while the Avengers are distracted holding up the entire ceiling!

An action scene fast enough that I can believe, yes, the Avengers didn’t have time to react to it before it happened.

But Thor is strong enough to hold up the ceiling, so Wasp orders Cap to get the crowd to safety and has She-Hulk and Hawkeye follow her to go after the Masters.

Cap: “Jan’s really coming into her own as group leader! Even Hawkeye’s snapping to at her orders!”

Good. I’m glad that people keep telling me that Wasp is doing a good job as Avengers leader.

Seriously. Given the way that the Avengers book handles teamwork and the idea that the Avengers even have a leader sometimes, I’m glad that the book is explicitly conveying that Wasp is doing good.

Hawkeye net-arrows Tiger Shark, She-Hulk tackles Radioactive Man, Wasp confronts Beetle, and nobody confronts Shocker because its just Shocker.

Beetle scoffs at Wasp trying to stop him but has to eat his words pretty soon. Her Wasp stings being souped up in this recent stretch of comics hasn’t stopped being a thing.

Beetle: “Ow! Maybe I was the one who spoke too soon! Even with my armor, I can feel a little of the Wasp’s bio-stings! If I can’t shake her, she might blow my micro-circuits!”

Very glad that Wasp continues to be an effective fighter in her own right and not just the distraction ‘fly around and pester people.’

She-Hulk just throws Radioactive Man out of the panel, mocking him for being green as her without any of her sweet moves.

Tiger Shark wants another go at She-Hulk after the way she stomped him in #222 but.

Oops guess I shouldn’t have mocked Shocker. Since he was ignored, he can sneak up behind She-Hulk and use HIGH INTENSITY VIBRO-SHOCKS to rattle her bones to dust.

Except, no. I should have mocked Shocker, a little.

Because even though the HIGH INTENSITY VIBRO-SHOCK rattles She-Hulk so that she chatters out “T-t-think a-a-again, y-y-you w-w-walking q-q-quilt!”, she grabs Shocker’s hands and holds him up in the air for Hawkeye to short out Shocker’s gauntlets with a couple of magno-volt arrows.

Shocker crumples, confused because one of the other Masters was supposed to be covering Hawkeye.

Radioactive Man tackles She-Hulk so She-Hulk just belts him away.

So Radioactive Man concedes, well, okay, She-Hulk is stronger than him. But brute force and being green aren’t the extent of his powers. He’s also radioactive, radioactive.

He hits She-Hulk with a controlled burst of gamma rays, which shifts her back into Jennifer Walters.

Hey, Jen! First time you’ve appeared in this book in this form.

She’s less than pleased. In fact, she starts screaming “No! Not this!!” and begging someone to help her.

Thankfully, the Masters put her out of mind as not a problem anymore.

And the dominoes fall.

Tiger Shark smacks Wasp out of the air, freeing Beetle to blast Hawkeye. And nobody can stop Moonstone from nerve pinching Hank Pym and pulling him into a truck.

Thor and Cap run out of the courthouse, presumably having gotten everyone to safety.

Thor: “Ho, villains! You’ve not won the day yet! Not as long as a single Avenger stands!”

Thor do what Thor do and what Thor do is throw Mjolnir.

Exceppppt its at Radioactive Man and Radioactive Man can still deflect Mjolnir with energy fields. Radiation can do that. Mjolnir doesn’t exist in real life so we can’t prove that radiation can’t do that.

Radioactive Man deflects Mjolnir right at Captain America. He gets his shield up in time but it still knocks him on his ass.

The Masters all book it into the truck while the Avengers get to their feet.

Wasp orders Hawkeye to shoot out the tires to the truck. But before he can and before it can be fruitless, a getaway truck explodes out of the truck and flies off more quickly than the Avengers can chase.

And by “the Masters all book it into the truck” I mean, “except Shocker” because they ditched him.

With the Masters escaped, Wasp turns on the shocked Shocker and rips off his mask and demands he tell them where the Masters are going.

But the shocked Shocker is too shocked to answer. He seems out of it, really.

So Wasp changes the question. Who is behind this? Why did they want to kidnap Hank Pym?

Shocker: “Why? It... it was his idea! Dr. Pym’s idea... He arranged for us to free him!”

DUN DUN DUUUUU- no wait we know thats not it

whats your game shocker

Sometime later, Hank Pym wakes up in Egghead’s lab. And, of course, immediately leaps up to kick the shit out of Egghead as soon as he sees him.

Alas, Tiger Shark holds him back.

Egghead: “Don’t restrain him too tightly, Tiger Shark! He’s of no use to us injured!”

Hank Pym: “I’ll ��use’ you, Egghead! You’re responsible for ruining my life! You manipulated me into stealing that government adamantium... and set me up, when your scheme failed! You’re mad if you think you can make me help you now!”

Egghead: “Pish-tosh!”

Good rejoinder, Egghead.

God, this also cracks me up.

Egghead says that he’s in the middle of a great experiment and that he needs the world’s greatest biochemist, Hank Pym.

Hank is still on the ‘why the hell do you think I’ll help you, I hate you so much.’

So Egghead has the tv turned on.

Anchorman, Non Burgundy: “... Authorities were stunned by the news that Dr. Pym had planned his own abduction! The Avengers refused to comment on the Shocker’s confession, but polygraph experts confirmed --”

Egghead explains that Shocker was a patsy. His gauntlets were secretly rewired with special circuits that brainwashed him into believing what Egghead wanted him to. So thoroughly that it fooled a lie detector.

Egghead: “As far as the world is concerned, Henry, you are now most assuredly a criminal. No one will believe otherwise. Not the police... not even your former friends. You have no one to turn to in this world... except us! Join the Masters of Evil, Henry! We will give you a new life!”

Hank Pym: “All right... I’ll do it!”

DUN DUN DUN!!

Wow, so I guess Egghead wasn’t just being petty. He was also systematically destroying what little was left of Hank’s life to force him to work on SCIENCE project with him.

Proving his innocence and ‘getting his dignity back’ was all Hank had left to him.

Geez, sucks to be Hank Pym!

Psst, follow @essential-avengers? Like and reblog?

#Avengers #Egghead #Masters of Evil #Hank Pym #the Wasp #She Hulk #Hawkeye #Thor #Captain America #Captain Marvel #monica rambeau #Iron Man #not doing so well #essential avengers #essential marvel liveblogging #SUPERHERO LEGAL DRAMhaha just kidding it gets interrupted #lot of interesting trajectories the avengers are going on in this issue #so far so good on the Stern run

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nettlestonenell · 4 years ago

Photo

Armie Hammer wants a sequel to The Man From U.N.C.L.E.—shouldn’t you?

This post is a long time in coming, Gentle Readers and @jammeke, but now, though it might be here, before your very eyes, to think it will be well-laid out would be a mistake. It’s set to be just about as messy as Ilya’s misplaced loyalties and murky motivations.

How dare!

I probably first watched this film well over a year ago (courtesy @jammeke posting things about it). I used Sling OnDemand (I think on TNT). In the ensuing viewings I also watched it in that way, but as I was sitting down for a fourth(?) viewing, it kept coming to me that I was tired of watching it with commercials I couldn’t skip, and I had a sneaking suspicion that it had been edited for time and I was missing out on scenes. [pointless aside: I was also watching the film in chunks, and never as a whole]

Where is she now? What’s the time stamp? How far along did she get? Are you shagging the hotel hostess yet?

So, I, uh, set out to buy it on DVD—without any luck! In the sense that copies I could find cost more (w/ shipping) than buying it to stream. So, I bought it to stream on Amazon. Do I regret my choice, Gentle Readers? No, no I don’t. I do regret burden of knowledge in learning that TNT was already playing the entirety of the film. That was a hard pill to swallow.

Nope, I’ve looked. That’s absolutely everything. Nothing additional lurking around here...

So here it is, as it is, @jammeke, “My Notes on The Man from U.N.C.L.E.”

Look, I don’t know what this film is. I probably can’t fully articulate its appeal. Or maybe I can--certainly after transcribing four page I’ve tried. Number One thing to know about me and fiction/films is that a top draw for me is seeing something out of the ordinary, such as beautiful locations, a historical era, delicious costumes. There are times, frankly, this can trump weak story and undefined character for me. (The best films, of course, combine all three) Certainly, The Man... delivers in the delight of the eyes. Additionally, I must confess that growing up as a person older than @reblogginhood but younger than Miss Fisher, so much of what was on TV was essentially reruns of this film’s iconic Look(tm). So, when I see women dressed like Gaby I am just another three-to-seven-year-old overcome with the drop dead glamour of it all.

Darling, tell me how you really feel...

Some questions I have:

· IS Armie Hammer a hulk of a man? Everyone in this film seems to think so, yet he always tracks to me as trim (rather than hulking)

· Why translate via captions some Russian speaking, but not all?

· IS Napoleon’s backstory directly cribbed from USA’s White Collar?

· DOES Gaby have a German accent?

· Does Ilya get preternaturally attached to all the people he’s ordered to look after? Also, what is his bonding rate with kittens?

Sorry, wrong iteration.

· If Lady Villain knows the lens is wrong—if her technical understanding is that in-depth--does she really need Gaby’s dad to make the bomb?

· How old was Gaby during the war?

· What happens when Ilya gets a NEW puppy assigned to him? (please let this be addressed in film #2)

Hooray for:

· That bathroom fight! *all the Burn Notice feels!

· Gaby is her own lady, and chooses sides as necessary—not always unilateral in her support for either male character. Case in point: she sides with Ilya over the clothes, and Napoleon over the incident of the wallet.

· That delicious (speaking as Rusty, here) Ocean’s 11-stylized action. It’s pretty, so I’m not bored with it. Sometimes a sandwiched montage gets shown, so I’m REALLY not bored. I’ve got 18 tiny moving boxes of things to look at!

· Pinkie rings. There, you’ve told me everything I need to know about that character.

· Solo in a beret. English has not yet found a word for the feeling it evoked in this viewer. Somewhere between ‘precious’ and ‘oh, no’.

See, there? Now you’ve felt it too.

· Goggles! All the accessories! Dune Buggies! (I mean, that’s what I’m calling Napoleon’s chase-scene ride)

Things I adore:

· It seems (after some research) that more than a few folks view Gaby as a third wheel, and though she’s not exactly a Princess Leia commandeering her own rescue and exuding competence and a deserved take-charge-attitude at every corner, she IS a foci for both male characters (though romantically it would seem only for one), just as Ilya is a foci for both her and Napoleon [no one seems to worry about Napoleon, though they should--film #2, anyone?]

· Mechanic Gaby not needing a beauty makeover, or being dragged into one. She gets some nice clothes, but it’s never suggested that she’s not attractive or acceptable before putting them on, and I respect, nay, embrace it.

Oh, my heart. She’s still not as tall as them!

· Ilya, drab pigeon Ilya, knowing fashion

· Oh man, don’t even get me started on the power of the statement, “it doesn’t have to match”

· You knew it was coming on this sublist: the wrestle-fight. I mean, c’mon. Poor little Gaby, locked behind the Iron Curtain, living a life of always being watched. She’s in the swankest hotel (I mean, Napoleon chose it, so we can be sure it’s swank with an E). She’s trying to celebrate her freedom, her liberation. She’s playing verboten music, she’s drinking to excess. Girl wants—and deserves—a party. And Ilya is…not built for that (that he knows of). For some fun, just imagine if she had been given Napoleon to room with instead.

o I will say that this scene, and some of their other interactions have what I would call early (non-sibling) Luke and Leia energy. Ilya seems to have moments of being struck by Gaby in a way Luke is struck by Leia in the early part of the trilogy. When Leia takes charge, and Luke accepts it. When Leia does something incredible, and Luke is left open-mouthed. *no, I don’t see OT Star Wars in everything. Shut up.

· “He fixed the glitch.”

· Again, shout-out to the non-action action.

· “I left my jacket in there.”

· The whole race to rescue Gaby I am in love with beyond words. [I have noted it as “Crazy Jeep Drive with Warhead!”] Probably b/c it comes across as totally egalitarian. Both men want her rescued. They’re no longer in competition. It’s just as important to Napoleon as it is to Ilya to catch up to her. Also, it is bonkers, like some sort of X-games version of a commercial for the vehicles they’re driving. And screaming Willie Scott does not make an appearance.

Someone says “winkle” out.

· Look! Another note about the screen divisions and how I love it, shout-outs to the original Steve McQueen The Thomas Crown Affair (a contemporary of when this movie is meant to be set), and TV’s 24.

Things that get a great, big NOPE:

· Jerrod Harris: you’ve been in so much streamable content in the last decade I can’t hate you, but frankly, you’re terrible here—unless you’re supposed to be giving a mannered, not-campy-enough-to-be-enjoyable performance here. Your American English puts me in the mind of Alex Hawaii 5-0′Loughlin where it feels you’re concentrating so hard on your accent that you fail to convince anyone that you’re a harried, over-worked and exasperated spy handler. Your performance is at odds with every bit of dialogue you’re given to say.

· That awful, mishandled title that doesn’t even connect to the film until the final moments (a sequel set-up, for sure)

· Look, you don’t introduce Hugh Grant casually mid-way through your film in a throwaway appearance. I mean, he’s HUGH GRANT we all know something’s up now.

· This is not exactly a great big NOPE, b/c I love a flat cap, Tommy Shelby—but I feel like a less tall man with a far rounder face in a flat cap would track more as Russian to me that AH does. To me, he just looks like he’s about to go golfing.

Over par? Unacceptable!

· Is Victoria a British-accented Italian? A British woman who married—what? Gaby’s uncle isn’t Italian!? An Italian who went to school in Britain? My head hurts. Also, is her hair meant to be unconvincingly bleached?

Other commentary:

· Napoleon’s adult ne’er-do-well backstory is so far from being emotionally equivalent to Ilya’s childhood trauma [and his enslavement to the USSR] it seems bestial when he calls it out on multiple occasions. Badly done, Solo.

· Gaby is the film’s key (sorry, Buffy fans). Everyone is connected to her. Yes, she could have been given a bit more on the character front, but I don’t see her as as much of a flaw in the film as some others/reviewers seem to.

· Look, essentially (and not very nuanced-ly), Ilya is a stalker. I think the film goes a certain distance in establishing that his early behavior toward Gaby is not normal, but concurrently it does not truly call him out on it. He’s essentially viewed as an odd-duck, sure, but not a true threat to her (should she not reciprocate or tolerate his intensity toward her). I think I might be able to cite his behavior when Gaby comes on to him (that he doesn’t jump at a chance with her) that maybe he’s given a little more nuance than a straight-on stalker, and it helps that he and Napoleon never get into a pissing match over Gaby’s person, only over her new clothes. But overall the film has to walk a fine line (and the jury is still out on how successful it is, I’d say) between playing Ilya’s laser-like attention to Gaby for its humor, and calling it out for the unsettling, threatening behavior it is.

· Honestly, it wasn’t until I engaged the Closed Captioning that I understood Napoleon was calling Ilya the ‘Red Peril’. So, that was nearly three viewings in.

· I give the screen credits A+, on both ends. Not to mention the end credits are actually INTERESTING with lots to see and learn! (Certainly we learn more about HG in them than we do at any time during the film)

Things I would have liked:

· More of fish-out-of-the-Iron-Curtain Gaby moments

· A better dichotomy shown of East vs. West Berlin/Germany. There’s nothing easy either visually or otherwise to distinguish the two.

· HC being given a more specific American accent (from an actual locality). This, for an American viewer, works better than the flat, unlocated American accent many a British actor will bust out. *Mind you, HC does a generally good job, but he fails utterly on both “Immediate” which he pronounces at least twice as “immeedeejt” [rather than imm-E-deeot] and “Nazi” as “NAHT-zee” [rather than “NOT-zee”]. And let’s not get started on that late in the film use of ‘earnt’, a word that—well, it’s just not in the American English twentieth century lexicon.

· C’mon. You gotta tease the Hugh Grant more.

· Solo is a blank before the war. I’ve read thoughts on the film calling out Gaby as the blank character, but they’re wrong. Solo is the blank. He’s the ‘made’ man, his identity seemingly assembled during the war and after. For example, he doesn’t go into the war a thief, nor (it would seem) a particularly educated or urbane individual. Now THAT’s a juicy backstory I’d love to learn about, perhaps in film #2--or #3? What creates a Napoleon Solo? What would he be doing if he weren’t on the government’s leash/incarcerated? Is anyone left caring about him back wherever he calls home? I mean, who doesn’t love a gender-flipped 60s-era Holly Golightly backstory? [And yes, I would love there to be an ex-wife or even a current wife mixed up in his origins as well—Guy Ritchie, call me!]

Notes I have that I’m not sure if they still make sense to me:

· Only mom calls me Napoleon (do he say it ‘mum’?) Is he a secret Canadian?

· Solo’s torture, 1st view recall Napoleon’s childhood? *I think this means that after watching the first time I somehow erroneously believed that during the torture Napoleon’s childhood was a topic gone over. This was wrong. HOWEVER, this would have made far more story-sense than the backstory we’re given on an easily disposeable villain.

· “Even the average Russian agent. You’re special.” ?

· Uncle is Baddie (*so glad I made this note to myself)

· Ilya’s dad IS an embarrassment. I’m not sure what genius commentary I had in my mind, here. Perhaps that Ilya himself is embarrassed of him? Not just Ilya’s handler’s? [Also, aside: Napoleon totally slut-shames Ilya’s mom, which is the doublest of double standards from ‘I got myself the biggest and most ornate suite b/c I-wanted-plenty-of-space-for-my-random-seductions’ and I really wish Ilya had thrown that back in his face] *yes, of course I know that Ilya and Napoleon would not likely equate a wife/mother’s sexual exploits with that of Solo’s, but let’s be honest, this film tweaks the nose of (I won’t say reverses, it doesn’t go that far) plenty of tropes and gender expectations, and this certainly seems like a missed opportunity to call Solo on the carpet (which I hope film #2 does far more)

Things I wrote down so long ago I don’t recall what they mean:

· CC-save

In conclusion:

What does film #2 look like? What title does it get? Will the Peter/Neil White Collar dynamic continue to grow? *note that I have no confidence a second film will ever come to pass...

In the end, all I know is, “It didn't help when American Tom Cruise, who was slated to play U.S. spy Napoleon Solo, dropped out, prompting the casting of Cavill (who had previously read for the Russian role).“ I would not have watched that film.

#tmfu #tmfu 2015 #ilya kuryakin #napoleon solo #gaby teller #henry cavill #armie hammer #alicia vikander #the man from uncle 2015 #the man from u.n.c.l.e.#the man from uncle #i don't know what this film's tags are meant to be to keep it from popping up in the TV series searches Sorry

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glottia-arts · 5 years ago

Text

The Photo

Ok I decided to finish this. This story goes along with this drawing I did up of Julia and Aura with different hairstyles. I actually stopped writing this right when Moonjumper and Snatcher are shown and wasn’t too sure on their dynamic for your fic. Coulda just asked about that and some other things, but it wasn’t bad to wait for the next few chapters for you to explain. I probably got things wrong anyway, so feel free to call me out @konan720.

I tried to keep this in character for the realm for your story, but a little for mine bleeds in, primarily the part where the forest is different. Then I’m sure you’ll be able to see the other things.

Word Count: 6,777 _____

“Say cheese!”

“Cheese!?”

Snap. A camera shutter went off and a few photos silently printed out.

“It’s all done guys!”

“Cool! Come on, let’s go!” Laughing, Julia separated from her companion, dashing off towards her little sister. Aura was still perplexed over the situation, but followed at her own pace.

Finally reaching the duo, Aura saw that both girls were examining pictures. Peeking up, Hat Kid grinned widely. “Hey, the picture turned out great!” Sticking her tiny hand out, she presented a photo to the elder girl. “Here’s your copy of the photo Aura!”

Aura carefully took the photo from the child, astonished to find it was a photograph of her and Julia. Her head tilted in confusion on how the girl had gotten this. She didn’t have a camera on her, nor did she have one of the ‘cell phones’ that several of the residents of this time period had. To her knowledge, those weird things couldn’t print pictures. They could be shared with a cloud somehow though…

Hat Kid picked up on Aura’s turmoil, much to her shock. “You’re probably wondering how I got that, yeah? Well, I have a badge I picked up a while back that lets me take photos. Pretty nice to have since it can save and print the pictures it takes. Cool, right?”

Nodding, Aura looked over the photo once more, smiling behind her mask. This was a nice shot of the two and she was grateful for her mask, the confusion on her face would contrast severely with Julia’s pleasant smile.

Opening her bag, Aura withdrew a small picture album and inserted the image for safe keeping.

“Hey, you got some photos already?”

“Mmm.. technically only two. The one young Melody took and one from two years ago… well, two years ago for me. I’m still unsure how long ago it was from everyone else's perspectives.”

“You had photography back in your time?”

“Yes, it was fairly new back then. There were still kinks to be adjusted, but there was someone who had a camera that worked.”

“Honestly with the time frame you came from, it almost sounds around the 16th century or earlier in my original world. Kinda weird to imagine photography back then.” Julia pondered it over for a moment before realizing something. “Unless it was another one of the descendants of yours and Melody’s alien race. You guys are kind of crazy when it comes to technological advancement.”

“You would be correct, they did come from that lineage. I suppose at the time, it is exciting for new things, but I don’t have the frame of reference for comparison as you do Julia. Sorry about that.”

“Oh no, it’s fine! It was just a statement. Different places develop differently, so don’t worry about it.”

Nodding, she went to put her small album away, but was stopped as Hat Kid practically jumped over to her. “No wait, let me see the other photo! I’m so curious about what photo you could have from back then!”

“Melody-”

Laughing, Aura patted the girls hat gently. “It’s alright Julia, I don’t mind showing her the photo. You’re free to come see it as well. The only condition I have for showing you both this, is that neither you tell Snatcher or Moonjumper I have this. Alright?”

The sisters eyed each other, even more curious on the photo the adult dweller had. Nodding, they both looked to Aura as they gave their conformation they wouldn’t tell either ghost of its existence.

“Thank you both. Now for the photo in question.” Julia sprinted over as Aura began. “I know you both have seen the Prince’s appearance in the storybook you acquired from fixing the rift near the Grand Hourglass. Here, you’ll see a little more perspective, alternative than what time had disclosed to you.”

Julia picked up her younger sister so they both could see the photo in question together, both anticipating the reveal.

“I’ll apologize in advance if it’s not quite what either of you were expecting. I’m afraid I might have ‘hyped’ it up more than it needed. Is ‘hyped’ the right word? Hmm...”

“Well it’s exciting enough to know the Prince was in it. Even if it’s just a simple photo, I still want to see it!” Hat Kid nodded in agreement.

“... if you’re sure, then alright.” Finally opening the album from the back, she flipped the last page into view, showcasing the photo they eagerly awaited.

Seeing the image in question, three figures were pictured. On the left was Queen Vanessa. Julia noticed something a little odd with the Queen. On closer inspection, she could tell the smile was strained. Just barely though. Aura wasn’t kidding when she said the woman wore a mask of her own. It was unfortunate that Aura could only get the Prince to somewhat see it.

The person in center focus was the Prince. Of the three pictured, he appeared to be the merriest. An arm was placed on both his companion's shoulders, squishing them tight against himself.

Finally, the person on the right was Aura. She looked just as she did when appearing in this era. She was nervous in the photo, tense and surprised as she was moments prior with their own photo.

Both girls thought at the mention of the Prince, that would be the reason to not tell their ghostly friends about the photograph, having seen their alive self. Now that they could wholly examine the image, they realized it could have been because of the picture as a whole.

Misfortune in the making.

Glancing up to Aura, Hat Kid had a question. She almost didn’t want to ask, but the curiosity ate at her. “Why do you still have this photo?”

Aura stared at the child for a moment before pulling the album close. She was quiet for some time as she traced the edges of the page.

Julia almost said something to the child before Aura began to softly speak.

“... it does bring up bad memories… but there are some good ones as well.” Looking back to the girls, she continued. “I don’t miss Vanessa, but I missed the time when we were friends. Even if I knew that there was something off about her majesty as a child, I still did consider her a friend. Somewhat.”

“And the Prince?”

“I considered him a friend yes. More so than Vanessa. One could almost say we were best friends.”

Hat Kid shook excitedly in Julia’s arms at hearing this.

“Though” the girl stopped as Aura went on. “I’m unsure of it now.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well… you know. He kind of… split into two. Several ages have passed. Issues like that. I’d be a fool to assume either of them were one hundred percent the same person as back then.” Hat Kid snickered at hearing the word ‘fool’, but Aura pressed on. “I’ve barely been here for a few months and I’ve seen Snatcher’s changes. Creator knows how much Moonjumper has changed.”

Aura had looked back to the picture again and Julia had a feeling she knew where this was going.

“Aura, are you afraid that they don’t see you in that way anymore?”

The subtle flinch told her all she needed to know.

“It has been awhile… I can imagine some fondness.. But with how everything’s been since my little time travel accident, I’m still unclear.”

“Well, Moon’s been pretty excited to see you! Then Snatcher’s just a big floating contradiction.”

“Yeah, Snatcher’s just a big ol’ soon-deh-ray!”

Aura was with them until Hat Kid had said that. “I... uh... what?”

“Just listen. Yes, he’s an a-” Hat Kid covered Julia’s mouth cause she knew the next word she was going to say was a bad one. She really doesn’t want Aura to go into mom mode over that. Again.

Julia looked at Hat Kid questioningly, but the girl continued for her sister. “What Julia was going to say is, is that Snatcher may be a big meanie to all of us, but deep down, he cares.”

“Way... way... way down.” Julia muttered behind the tiny hand.

“So all the times he’s been hard or mean to you since you’ve been here, he’s just been looking out for you!”

The redhead nodded slowly in acknowledgment.

Hat Kid finally removed her hand from Julia’s face and broke free from the elder girls grip, landing on the ground safely. “Besides, you have me, Julia and loads of other people in your life now! We’re your friends as well!”

“Yeah, we’re with you all the way.” Julia gave a thumbs up.

Aura didn’t know how to respond to all of this. The declaration was so abrupt; It caught her off guard. Nodding again, a soft “thank you” peeped out of her.

Smiling, Hat Kid jumped up and down. “You know since we’re here in Subcon, why don’t we go show Moonjumper and Snatcher your guys’s makeovers!”

“Normally, I’d agree but… it might startle them at the sudden and extreme change Aura went through.”

Pouting at her sister, Hat Kid put her hands on her hips. “It’s not that big of a deal, they’ve already gotten several surprises from you two! Besides, you two look pretty!”

Julia would comment about how Hat Kid seemed to learn more than she let on from Aura, but shied off at hearing the compliment.

“Might be best to get it done and over with on my part. They’d have to see me again eventually.” Gently running a hand through her hair, she continued. “Besides, it’s not like my hair is going to grow that long again in a short time span.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Though hypothetically; With your magic, couldn’t you grow your hair fast?”

“Hypothetically... I’m afraid not, my time magic can only affect me when it comes to healing wounds and slowing my aging process. Otherwise, hair growth isn’t what it’s known for.”

“Ah… well, thought I’d ask.”

“It is a finicky thing, so I don’t blame your curiosity.”

Sealing her album shut, Aura stored it away. Glancing around the green clearing, she spotted Julia and her own little companions off in the distance.

“Time to round up the cats I suppose.”

Hat Kid waved at the Bush Cats. “Hey Blueberry! Neo! Let’s go!”

The two looked over to the small child, but remained in place.

Julia frowned at this. Normally, Blueberry would come running the second she could. Why didn’t she now? Next thing she knew, Aura was speed walking over to the two Rough Patch’s.

Both felines looked up to the woman, one somewhat confused, the other relieved.

Aura carefully picked up her own Rough Patch, adjusting him to hold him as if he were a baby or small child. “I’m sorry Helios, you should have said something.”

The gray leafed cat made a sound and shook his head, relaxing against her.

Sighing, she looked down at his smaller friend. “Thank you for staying with him Blueberry, I hope it wasn’t any trouble.”

Tilting her head, the small Rough Patch stared at the woman blankly. Though now that her friend was higher up, she thought she could receive the same treatment and jumped up. Mid jump, she was caught by Julia.

“Nuh-uh, we talked about this. No jumping on Aura.”

The blueberry themed cat just stared at her human for a moment, wagging her tail the next. Sighing with a smile, she set the small Bush Cat on her shoulder.

“If she did, I wouldn’t have minded. I’m used to changing upon my return home.”

“Well still! Helios- uh, Ne-... what is his name exactly? You keep referring to him as one name, and Melody refers to him as another.”

“The name he’s always gone by is Helios, but Melody has given him the nickname of Neo.”

“He just looks like one!”

Aura glanced over the multicolored Rough Patch for a moment, tilting her head. “I... suppose so?”

Said Rough Patch smiled, lazily swinging his tail back and forth.

“Ok… so continuing where I left off. Helios-”

“Neo!”

“Melody, please don’t confuse me, I’m trying to say this. Anyways. Your Rough Patch is accommodating to you and your needs, staying clean and wearing little booties wherever he goes. I imagine it must bug you on some level having to change your clothes often. So, just think of this as the prevention of one.”

“I do see what you’re saying and I thank you for that. Let’s just hope you saving me from your adorable Rough Patch doesn’t go in vain.”

“Well knowing my luck, it probably will. This is Subcon after all. I imagine it’s still somewhat the same, even after reverting back to normal.”

“I’d say the residents are certainly the same, yes. The ambiance of the forest on the other hand differs.”

“Figures.”

“Alright, alright, let’s go! We need to show Snatcher and Moonjumper how you guys look!”

“We’re coming kid, just hold your horses.”

__________

Subcon Forest was remarkably easy to navigate when there weren’t as many traps or deadly hazards around.

The residents were likewise simple to locate, sticking out like a sore thumb against green shrubbery. So it didn’t take the group long in finding the two powerhouse phantoms of the forest. They were near Snatcher’s residence, but even without being in such an obvious location, they were still easy to spot.

What they didn’t expect was seeing both ghosts arguing and with an audience no less. Several minions, dwellers and others they knew were off on the sidelines, watching the whole debacle. They were hidden, but still present.

Aura leaned over to Julia, concern lacing her tone. “You wouldn’t happen to know if this is… ‘normal’ between them… would you?”

Rubbing her fingers against her temples, Julia replied. “Sadly, it kind of is.”

Hat Kid being Hat Kid, went up to the two squabbling ghosts.

“You could at least make some room there!” “As if I’d ever do that! I just got that back, I’m not sharing it!”

“It wasn’t really even yours in the first place!”

“I’ll have you know, I-”

“What are you two arguing about?”

Both ghosts recoiled in surprise, turning to the voice that had intruded. Neither noticed the child’s presence, but Snatcher had somewhat deflated at seeing her. He half expected her around the woodland anyhow, so why not in his own personal business?

“Oh, we were-”

Snatcher interrupted the other ghost by smacking a hand down on his shoulder, tugging him close. “Moonboy and I were just having a nice chat.” A tight squeeze on the shoulder and a very subtle twitch of the eye from Moonjumper. “Something your little ears need not be concerned with.”

Hat Kid looked between the two ghosts, curious about the situation, but ultimately continued on her mission.

“Anyway, I have a surprise for you two!”

If Snatcher could deflate further, he would have sunk into the ground.

“Kid, I don’t think I can handle any more of your surprises.”

Lightly smacking the taller ghost, Moonjumper gestured for Hat Kid to continue.

Maneuvering so the girls were in sight, Hat Kid made a grand gesture to them “Ta-da…?” Her tone grew confused, seeing only Julia standing there.

Julia, unperturbed, smiled and waved as the ghost's eyes fell upon her.

It quite surprised both specters seeing the new hairstyle, staring in awe at the change. Snatcher was the first to break the silence, smirking.

“Well seems you’ve learned to embrace some femininity there, ey kid?”

Julia thought of giving the ghost a piece of her mind with a simple hand gesture, but didn’t for several reasons.

Out of the contractor’s grip, Moonjumper approached Julia, studying her hairstyle as all the details came into view. It was certainly unexpected, but he thought it looked nice. Where did she get the Marigold’s for her hair though? They weren’t common in the forest, even back in his lifetime.

Close enough to her, he carefully ran a hand over her hair as to not mess up any of the beads or braiding.

Smiling softly, he pulled her into a hug, careful in his movements not to upset her Rough Patch. “You look beautiful dear. Did you learn how to braid over these years as well?”

“Well, I can say that I had a little help with this.”

“Ah. It wouldn’t have happened to be Au… ra..?”

As he began questioning her, he opened his eyes to pull away, but was stunned in his silence and movement. Aura had been standing behind his daughter the whole time.

Julia had stood in front of Aura, hoping to lessen the chaos that was soon to follow. She also secretly hoped her father would approach and have the first glance of Aura’s new appearance. Snatcher got to see Aura when she first arrived. Moonjumper at least deserves to see her first major change!

Maneuvering the Rough Patch in hand, Aura waved at her friend, nervous over his reaction.

It took a while before Moonjumper separated himself from Julia, still unsure if this was real. If the girl thought he looked stunned and speechless before, she was certainly wrong. He was flat out flabbergasted at seeing their friend.

Stepping off to the side, Julia gave them room.

Still unsure, Moonjumper drifted closer, eyeing the red head up and down. She appeared as if she grew up in this age than the past. Still, if he had to choose the most startling feature, it would have to be her hair. It was so short!

Reaching out to touch it, a light smack to his hand stopped him. Puzzled, he glanced at the culprit, identifying them as the Rough Patch in her arms. Helios, he believed she called him. The Rough Patch had an annoyed expression on his face. He was overprotective of his master.

“Sorry about that… Helios isn’t keen on certain people near me.”

“It’s quite alright, I understand.” He held his hands up in surrender to the large bush before placing them back down. Looking her over once more, he chuckled. “I never thought I’d see you in something other than the limited clothes you chose to wear.”

Huffing, she turned her head away. “I had very little choice in my attire, so I wanted to dress as I pleased while I could. Wouldn’t have had much of a choice after my marriage and rise to leadership.”

“This is true, yes. But even so, this new look suits you quite well.” With her head already tilted, she shifted a little in her shyness. Moving to grab her hand, he stopped with the ready of Helios’s paw. Laughing awkwardly, his hand retreated to scratch at his cheek.

A moment later, a surprised shout rung through the area, causing all nearby occupants to jump. Eyes turning to the source, they saw Snatcher had maneuvered to determine who Moonjumper was speaking with.

In an instant, he was in front of Aura. “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR!?”

She couldn’t answer him as he began maneuvering around her at fast speeds. Every few stops he’d reach for her, halting the movement in favor of moving to a different viewpoint of her. Moonjumper, Julia and Hat Kid were confused on his behavior, questioning the odd change in character.

Finally stopping in front of her, Snatcher looked like he was about ready to keel over. “SERIOUSLY, WHAT HAPPENED TO IT!? NOT THAT YOU DON’T LOOK GOOD, BUT ANYTIME SOMETHING ON YOU WINDS UP CUT, IT’S NOT GOOD!” Pausing in his worried yelling, he narrowed his eyes, voice taking a dangerous tone. “It wasn’t… more Hunters, was it?”

Moonjumper stiffened at that. “Hunters? In this age?”

“I’ll explain later Moonboy, but I need answers here!”

Motioning for Snatcher to take a deep breath, she tried to remain calm with all his howling.

“Snatcher, it’s fine. It wasn’t the Hunters.” Visibly relaxing, the ghost nodded while still maintaining eyesight on the shortened red hair.

The idea of Hunters didn’t sit well with Moonjumper, but after a few moments of glancing between Aura and Julia, he was able to put two and two together over the girls hairstyles.

Smiling, he clasped his hands together. “I’m so happy you girls are bonding! What a wonderful occasion!”

Snatcher eyed to his counterpart, confusion clear.

Rolling his eyes, Moonjumper continued on. “They’ve both styled each other’s hair Snatcher. Which makes sense, as Aura’s only ever had her long locks while Julia is more familiar with the shortened style.”

Glancing between the girls, Snatcher saw what he meant. Gaze final on Julia, he smirked. “Makes sense… goldilocks here could never pull that off by herself.”

“I could so!”

“Uh-huh…”

Julia was fuming, but didn’t want to cause a scene. This was supposed to be a happy moment.

Snatcher turned his gaze back to Aura, studying her once more. “So did you do that, or..?”

“I cut it myself, yes. Julia added curling to my hair, otherwise it’s not as curly.”

“Hmm… not bad for the kid doing your hair.” “Hey!”

His chuckling was brief as he felt a light tap against him from Aura. A warning. He refused to show his nervousness at that, so he decided it’d be best to stop picking on the braided haired girl.

As Moonjumper had done previously, Snatcher moved to stroke her hair and was interrupted by bumping against a paw. Not expecting that, yellow eyes met dual blue and yellow. Narrowing his eyes, Snatcher tried again, meeting the same result. The fluff around his head puffed up, annoyed by this action.

Aura couldn’t explain the situation to him, especially as he broke into a little ‘game’ with the Rough Patch, seeing if he could manage to touch her hair.

Both Moonjumper and Aura sighed at this, but chose to let it play out.

Moonjumper hated to leave Aura there as Snatcher duked it out with Helios, but couldn’t help floating over near Julia.

Julia was about to comment, but Moonjumper beat her to the punch. “He’s not going to give up anytime soon, unfortunate as it is.”

“Shouldn’t you be over there supporting Aura?”

“Normally I would yes, but she would have sent me over here anyways.”

“I… yeah you’re probably right on that…”

Chuckling, Moonjumper glanced over to his old friend briefly before looking back to Julia. “Some things never change.” Once more glancing over her hair, he tilted his head. “You know, you had one of the best possible people to do your hair.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. You see while I was alive, I had my hair butchered to the point I thought it would be quite the mess until it could grow out once more. Aura somehow was able to salvage it, turning it into the hairstyle I would be known to have back in those days.”

“... you had hair?”

The unbelieving tone threw Moonjumper for a loop. He couldn’t help the pout that formed on his lips. “I had hair, yes! I didn’t always look this way Julia- why are you doing that?”

Julia was struggling not to laugh, snickering at the adorable pout and the fact that she got him.

Soon enough, he understood that she was joking. “Ha ha, yes very funny.” Though he sounded annoyed, it really lacked the bite, especially with the growing smile on his face contradicting it.

The urge to laugh faded, thinking about what he said prior. “So Aura is… good with hair?”

“She’s good with numerous things, hair being one of them.”

“She certainly is a mystery…”

“You have no idea.”

They both quickly glanced back, Julia surprised Snatcher was still playing fair. Playing at all with Helios, if you wished to call it that. The shadow appeared frustrated, but Helios on the other part was smirking. Cheeky cat that one. Aura stood as patient as ever, showing signs that she was holding in her giggles.

Had Julia looked at her father, she would have seen a nostalgic smile painting his face. A light clicked on for him. “Julia, do you mind if I show you something?”

“Of course dad.”

Adjusting his coat, Moonjumper reached inside it, searching for something. It didn’t take long before he pulled out what appeared to be a photograph, unfolding it and offering it to her.

Accepting it, she did a double-take. This was the photo Aura had! It was scanned and reprinted though, the original showing signs of ages of wear and tear, contrasting with the shiny gloss that painted over this. The way it was folded, showcased only the Prince and Aura. From what she could tell, it folded the same way even the original.

“Surprised to see such a thing?” “Well… yeah. Can’t say I expected this.” As she was aware only Aura had this.

“I suppose a photo like the original would be strange, versus a painting. We had some luck in having foreigners travel in one day, one bringing some odd version of a camera. The Queen and I were in town on their arrival browsing their wares, but she took an interest in the real-life photos and suggested we had one done. That didn’t go according to her plan, as you can tell.”

“So I take it Aura happened to be in the vicinity as well?”

“She was yes. She had not been paying any mind to us, but of course, I went on impulse when she drew near. Before Aura even knew what happened, I pulled her into the frame for the next shot. At the time I believed it was a good idea, but later I learned it further drew a wedge between them both. I never did question why Vanessa was snappy after that.” He bitterly whispered the last part.

Julia had heard him, her shoulders drooping in response. It broke her heart to hear him talk about anything he suffered with in the past, especially in relation to Vanessa. She was glad Aura was a form of support for her dad and his other half, she’d hate to think of how much worse things could have been for them without someone close to talk to.

Without thinking, Julia was the one to pull Moonjumper into an embrace. She felt him stiffen, but quickly loosen up, returning the gesture. Gently rubbing his back, she thought of how to put her next words.

“Even if everything didn’t go as planned for you, and everything began amiss, you have nothing but the future to look forward to. Regardless of all the bad that’s happened, the good things remain. Heck, they’ve come back to you time and time again. You’ve got me, Kero, Aura and several others that’ll be here for you. That will not change, no matter what.” She looked up to her father, smiling brightly. “I’ll make sure of it!”

As if to confirm this, the oddly still Blueberry placed a paw against Moonjumper’s cheek.

It took a moment for the words to register, but once they did, Moonjumper softly smiled back. He returned the gesture to the Rough Patch. “Thank you, Julia. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“... dead?”

Moonjumper snorted and lightly tapped her head.

Laughing, she batted his hand away. “I see you’re already picking up some traits from someone.”

Joining in her giggles, he nodded. “I suppose so, yes.”

Both souls relaxing in the moment, Julia felt at peace. She was here with her family in a safe place, able to be herself. It was good to be back.

Reluctantly, she pulled away from her father, glancing over the picture one last time before returning it. She took notice that he stole a glance at the photo, a soft smile gracing his lips before he folded the image and returned it to its original place.

She smiled knowingly, glad he had some positive memories amongst the bad. She slanted her head off to the side, pretending not to notice.

In doing so, she noticed the duel between the undead noodle and undead cat seemed to be over with. Given Snatcher’s slumped posture and crossed arms, it was safe to assume he lost.

Hat Kid was now speaking with Aura. Kero and a few other minions even snuck out from their hiding place, joining in the conversation. Some of the more endearing ones were trying to discreetly reach the Rough Patch’s tail with no success. Said bush looked at them, content as could be, not concerned about their actions.

After a moment, an idea popped into Julia’s head. She grasped one of Moonjumper’s arms and rushed over to the group, ignoring the ghosts confused cries.

Snatcher was the first to notice her and tried to give off an air that he had in fact not just played a game of slapsies with an ancient cat and lost. She badly wanted to burst his bubble, but was in the middle of something.

The children ceased their chattering at her approach, everyone’s attention fully on her.

“Would any of you kids happen to be badge users?”

The random question threw everyone off guard, all the ghost children looking between the other.

“What’s this about Julia?”

“I need a favor and your camera badge Melody. At least if any of these guys can use it.”

The ones in attendance seemed clueless as to what she was referring to. Maybe none of them could? It was kind of hard to find just anyone who could utilize badges.

Aura’s attention shifted from Julia to Kero, questioning the boy. “Kero, you know more about the dweller’s conditions nowadays than I do. Do you happen to know if Osma kept her host body?”

“Osma, Osma, Osma…” Kero put his chin in his palm, pondering about the name and dweller associated with it. “Aha!” Patting his hands together, Kero continued, “Osma, yes she still lives in her body. Do you need her for something?”

“Osma is the only dweller child I recall that can use badges. So she would have to do for Julia’s plan.”

“If she’s the only one you can think of out of everybody in the forest, it might not be worth it at that point. It would be troublesome to find her.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that.”

“Why’s that?”

Aura pointed towards the treeline, a short lone figure halfway in view. At being discovered, they hurriedly hid behind a tree. “She has a knack for either being places she doesn’t belong, or being there when you need her.” Navigating her way around the environment, Aura approached the child.

With Aura’s departure, everyone shifted their gaze back to Julia.

“Care to clarify what you require the young one for?”

“To take a picture of course!”

“Why do you need someone else, I can take it! Heck, even Aura could!”

“True, but you’re both going to be in the photo Melody. Can’t get either of you in if you’re the ones shooting.”

Hat Kid thought this through and even though she could technically accomplish that, she hasn’t spent sufficient time with the badge to determine how to use it effectively. So she’d side with Julia on that for now.

“I don’t see why we need to have a photo taken.”

“For memories! Duh.”

“Kid’s right. This is a brand new start for all of us, why not commemorate it?”

The only response she got from the purple specter was a huff. She knew he was going to be stubborn over this, but he’d thank her later.

Returning to the group alone, Aura leaned down to Hat Kid, hand extended. “May I please have the badge?”

Removing the badge from her hat, the young girl relinquished it to the adult. “Thank you.” With that, Aura returned to the wary child who was slowly making their approach, clinging to Helios all the way.

The child was smaller than what Julia thought, standing several inches shorter than the cat she so desperately clung to. Osma was also a paler shade of purple and black, contrasting to the other figures who took after their boss. Given Aura’s question of the child and the odd appearance, the body they inhabited must have been created during the Hunter scare.

Aura had leaned down to pin the badge to the hood of Osma’s cloak and was presumably explaining the badge and what it was used for, given the small nods.

The child shakily tore themselves away from the Rough Patch, testing out the function of the camera, facing several directions and taking many photos. Each photo they printed was carefully presented to Aura before she continued with the next, trying out new things. The older dweller had a small stack of photos by the time Osma had finished with her test run.

Returning to full height, Aura patiently led the nervous child over to the group, stopping a few feet away from them.

“I believe she knows the gist of the functionality to the badge and should be capable to do what you require of her Julia.”

“Thank you, Aura.” Looking down at the small kid, Julia put on her best comforting smile. “You must be Osma, yes?” A pause. A hesitant nod following. “It’s nice to meet you. I know you don’t know me or anything, but would you be willing to hear a request?” Another pause, continued with a meek nod. “Could I happen to ask you if you would be able to take a photo of all of us?” The child didn’t hesitate with her next nod. “Great! Thank you very much.”

The kid was still exceedingly nervous yet complied with the request, walking some distance away from the group before spinning to face them, awaiting their cue.

Those from the forest didn’t move, unclear of how to continue. So it was up to Julia and Hat Kid to get everyone in gear, directing them around.

Once it was obvious what was going on, Snatcher took the test photos away from Aura, snapping them to who knows where.

Snatcher and Moonjumper being the taller of the bunch were situated into the back. Snatcher of course, had to be a pain and mess with Julia a bit, but complied with her instructions nonetheless. In front of the ghosts is where the two adult women stood, Aura in front of Snatcher and Julia before Moonjumper. One of Snatcher’s hands was placed on Aura’s shoulder, after a few minutes of trying to convince Helios that it was ok. In turn, one of Moonjumper’s hands was located on Julia’s shoulder. The Rough Patch’s were easily placed, Helios held in one arm by Aura and Blueberry maneuvered to Julia’s free shoulder. The cat wanted to travel over to her larger companion, but Julia kept her in place. Now for the kids, Kero was nowhere else but in Julia’s arms and Melody was being lifted and held in combination by both grown women.

“I think that about does it.”

“In three, two, one, alright Osma!?”

A thumbs up.

“Smile everyone!”

A moment later a faint click was heard, followed by the sight of several photos printing.

The girls carefully lowered Hat Kid to the ground, with Blueberry choosing to jump on the purple hat. Said cat curled up, appearing ready for a nap.

Separating herself from the group once more, Aura strode over to Osma to inspect the photos.

The images must have turned out ok, as Aura collected all the photos, retrieved the badge and patted the child’s head. Scuffing their feet on the ground, the girl bowed before Aura then ran off to join one of the groups that were still in the vicinity. It happened so fast no one could say anything before she had disappeared.

With her departure, Julia approached Aura to inspect the photos for herself.

“Everything good?”

“Yes, everything’s fine. This is ordinary for her.” Taking a photo for herself, Aura held the rest out to Julia. “Osma wasn’t sure how many she needed to produce, so she went a little overboard. There’s nine remaining there.”

Accepting the stack, Julia smiled. “Well, better more than less. If anything, we can use leftovers for postcards to our other friends. 'Wish you were here in Subcon!’ Or something along those lines.”

Aura wasn’t too sure of what she meant, but nodded along anyways, storing this photo away as well.

Julia took a moment to inspect the shot. It turned out well, Osma did a great job for her first time using the Camera Badge. Nothing was altered and everyone had genuine smiles on their faces. Despite Snatcher and Moonjumper’s wariness to this, they too grinned brightly. There was a slight awkwardness in the smiles, but she couldn’t fault them on that. It was kind of endearing.

The others began to make their way over, Hat Kid most clear in her excitement. The disappearance of the small Rough Patch meant she could move around carefree. Noticing the enthusiastic energy beforehand, Julia grabbed a photo for herself and handed over the remaining prints to her sibling on her approach. Hat Kid gave a toothy smile before dashing over to the pair of ghosts, eagerly presenting the photos to them.

Moonjumper took his own, thrilled as he gazed over the image for several moments. When placed away, he slid it into the same spot that he had his other photo at. At this point, Julia could tell Snatcher was hamming up his annoyance, trying his best not to look as if he appreciated his new possession.

She’d bet 100 pons that the next time she visited his home, the picture would be hung up on the wall. It probably wouldn’t happen, but she can dream, can’t she?

Purring shifted her out of her thoughts, coming too, she realized it was Helios causing the sound. Aura had slipped over in her musings and Kero couldn’t resist petting the large cat.

“It is a nice miniature family photograph that was taken.”

“Miniature?”

“I say that as I do consider the others of this forest my family. I suppose this would be considered the main branch of it though.”

“I see. Well, you have a point. Plus, I don’t think we’d be able to get everyone in this forest into a photo.”

“YOU WANNA BET!?”

Hat Kid had heard them. Oh no.

Clapping her hands together, a mischievous smile formed on her face. “You doubt the powers of the camera my sister. BFF! We must round up everyone in the forest!”

“... no.”

“That’s the spirit! I’ll be right back with Bonnie, we’ll get everyone to the village.”

“Kid, I just said-” She teleported back to the ship before he could finish.

Julia knew where this was going, quickly setting Kero down.

“Well now that we got that done and over with, I think I’ll take Aura back to Dead Bird.” She began to back up, trying to tug Aura along. “She, uh, has to do some things for the directors!”

Aura tipped her head, puzzled on what her friend meant. It was her day off. Still, she wouldn’t be shocked if they had tried to call her in. Occasionally she wondered if she wasn’t there, if the two would just burn the studio down.

Easily seeing through the lie, Snatcher teleported behind the girl, halting her progress. “Riiiight… and I decided to open a little cat cafe here in the forest, welcoming tourists and all sorts of vagabonds. You opened your big mouth, so you’re staying!”

“I was just making a statement, how is it my fault!?”

“Just is, so suck it up buttercup.”

Snatcher picked Julia up by the back of her vest, ignoring the protests and thrashing. Glancing over to Aura, he calmly addressed her. “You staying or does someone actually need to take you back?”

Julia thrusted her arms angrily into the air, not believing what she was hearing. “YOU GIVE HER THE OPTION!?”

Again, he ignored her as he awaited Aura’s answer.

“I might as well stay and attempt to make things easier on you guys. Besides, the children would enjoy another large get together, especially since this one is for a more positive reason.”

Nodding at this, Snatcher turned and began to make his way to Subcon Village. At least, not before he grabbed the back of Moonjumper’s collar, tugging him along as well.

Surprised, the blue ghost flailed his arms. “Snatcher, I was planning to come along anyway, release me!”

Laughter met their ears, he once again ignored the person addressing him.

Kero and Aura glanced at each other before shrugging, following behind the giant ghost.

Hopefully, Julia and Moonjumper won’t be too upset come the next photograph.

#A Hat in Time: Julia's Return #Julia #Aura #Rough Patch #Neo #Blueberry #Kero #A Hat in Time OC #original character #glottia writes

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clericbyers · 5 years ago

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The funny thing about RR!St3 (and yes I'm still talking about this) is that its technically your au so if u don't like stuff about season 3-and maybe that's like everything lmao- than you can change it for this au!!! so what're some things you could change to flex on the duffers with ur beautiful Galaxy brain?

oh ur so right….oh man OH MAN the power in my hands right now…this is super long but i got so into it okay thank u…

First off, my real vision for RR!ST3 would not be too close to how ST3 went down; the RR!ST3 I originally hashed out was me trying to stick close to ST3 but as I said then, it was hard bc many of the issues in ST3 wouldn’t happen if Mike wasn’t obsessed with El and if we actually address the fact that these kids are dealing with serious trauma from the events of ST2. In RR!ST2, Mike would be the one dealing with being possessed, Will would have been at his side the entire time, Nancy and Mike would be a lot tighter thanks to RR!ST1 (like she’d be very overprotective because she almost lost her brother and he’s annoying yeah but she can’t imagine not having him in her life anymore). So when RR!ST2 ends with the Snowball, I can see Mike still dancing with El when she returns because he needs to thank her, she saved his life after all, but I really. just cannot see his level of attachment being enough to try to date her. Because in ST1 and at the beginning of ST2, Mike is wracked with guilt about losing her, about bonding with her and ultimately her being a sacrifice to save them. He doesn’t have that in RR!ST1 and RR!ST2, at least not to the same degree as ST1 and ST2. He didn’t have the time to bond to El and while I think he might have fleeting feelings for his savior (like I said, nightingale effect) and have some guilt about how she seemingly gave up her life to save everyone, especially him, I also think RR!ST2 Mike would be very attached to Will though given how Will trusted him and stuck by him despite all the horrors. Mike takes loyalty very seriously and Will being with Nancy and Karen (as she would be the “crazy” mom who lost her son in RR!ST1, but she’d enlist Joyce’s help since Ted wouldn’t really care so it would be power duo Joyren trying to figure out where Mike is) in the RR!ST2 shed scene would mean a lot to him.

Now, we have those 8 months between ST2 and ST3 where basically Mike and El entered a relationship in ‘85. In that time frame in the RR au, I would focus more on how the Party is getting over the trauma they faced during RR!ST2. Firstly, Mike is definitely not okay after being possessed by a demonic godly shadow force. He’s in therapy again maybe, back on medications, IDK what exactly but he is broken inside but trying his best to act like everything is normal and he wasn’t just possessed. I think he would try to cling onto his childhood as Will did in ST3, because Mike didn’t get to grow up normal since he got kidnapped and possessed by monsters. Will and El would bond a lot in those 8 months though, definitely becoming closer siblings and El having a crush on Mike can still a thing. Mike might not feel that same way for her but he’d be down for dating if just to feel normal again. Part of that may be to continue dampening how he feels for Will because he just wants to be a regular kid again and what he feels for his best friend is not at all natural in his mind. I like the idea of Mike and El getting together in ST3 at the mall scene so I’d stick with that. But I also feel like Mike would definitely also be spending half the time subconsciously trying to stay away from El because she’s also a reminder of the horrors he faced in the UD and with the Mind Flayer.

There would be a lot of Will, El, Mike moments too! Will is her brother of sorts in the RR au and Hopper is only ever really comfortable with Mike coming to visit when Will is over, too, even before Mike agrees to date El.

So okay, Episode 1 of RR!ST3 deals with the fact that all the kids are still dealing with some sort of trauma. Mike wakes up from a nightmare, uses his walkie talkie to contact Will, and Will comes over and sits in his room with him and they chat for a bit until Mike can fall back asleep. Will sits at the foot of Mike’s bed watching him sleep before he sneaks back out the house. Nancy catches him and thanks him for stopping by and then he catches Lucas outside too while making his way back home. Lucas casually mentions that he couldn’t sleep and they chat about how weird things have been when no one in Hawkins knows what happened last fall. In the early afternoon the next day, Will bikes over to Hopper’s cabin to hang out with El, they listen to music and doodle together for hours, just being great friends. El casually mentions that she might have a bit of a crush on Mike (who comes with Dustin, Lucas, and El to visit sometimes because fuck ST3 and isolating El from the Party). This could be a moment for Will to be like, “Oh, me, too.” and they can bond over liking Mike together (that’d be cute af!! and it would help Will feel more comfortable about how he feels toward Mike when he’s able to talk about it without persecution). She asks him if Mike likes him back and Will kinda just stops doodling.

“I don’t know,” he murmurs hoarsely. “He’s never said anything.”

El hums and takes out a purple crayon to color in the grass. “Do you know if he likes me?”

Will says he doesn’t know but that he’ll figure it out for her. Hopper won’t let her come with Will to the movie that night so he promises one night he’ll help sneak her out and then bikes over to the theater. We have the ST3 theater scene but it’s reversed of course, so it’s Mike who feels the Mind Flayer and Will who asks him if he’s okay. Mike isn’t as shy and flustered as Will was in ST3 though, he tries to brush Will off petulantly (as RR!ST3 Mike tries his best to act like the events of RR!ST2 aren’t affecting him as much as it is) but Will takes his hand and says, “It’s okay to not be okay.” and Mike kinda fidgets but squeezes his hand in turn before they both go back to watching the movie.

The next day when Dustin comes back, we have the Party going up to Cerebro but there would not be any El and Mike leaving like in ST3. Instead, Will and El are whispering between themselves but it’s not really much about anything. El is too shy to ask Mike if he wants to sit with her as they listen to Dustin call his girlfriend and Will just wants her to feel comfortable near Mike and keeps pestering for her to just sit next to him. Mike is irritated because he wanted to hang with Will more today and he’s bonding with El. His powers activate from his irritation and he’s blocking the radio signal for Dustin and Suzie’s call. When it starts getting late, the Party splits up, Will and El leaving first because of curfew (a real one not the lie El told in ST3). Lucas and Max leave next and Mike is left solo with Dustin.

“I know that Will and El aren’t together, but god, I feel so childish being the single one out.” Mike complains as a chill breeze washes over the two of them.

Dustin hums distractedly, still trying to work out why Cerebro isn’t picking up Suzie’s channel. It takes a moment for Mike’s words to sink in and then he perks. “You know, El likes you.”

“She what?” Mike blurts, giving Dustin a look. “No, she doesn’t. She can’t.”

“Uh, but she can and she does.” Dustin turns a random knob to a different frequency. “It’s pretty obvious; she was sending you heart eyes this entire time if your oblivious ass would have realized.”

Mike isn’t sure how to feel about it. He’s always seen El as Will’s sister, especially with Hopper attempting (and kinda failing) at dating Joyce. Even when they danced at Snowball, it was a thing of gratitude, of joy, of acknowledging that she hadn’t died and he was happy about that. But, El actually liking him? “What am I supposed to do about that?”

“Do you like her?”

Mike scrunches his nose. He feels…something toward her but he’s not really sure what it is. It’s not the same way he feels toward Nancy but it’s not what he felt toward Max either. And it’s definitely not what he feels toward Will, but he doesn’t want to think about that right now. He wants to feel normal. “I’m not sure.”

“Well, if it’s not a solid no, then I’d say go for it.” Dustin adjusts his hat and leans back with a sigh. “She’s cute and I think this is the first time a cute girl has ever liked your nerdy ass.”

“Shut up,” laughs Mike and he nudges his friend who grins in turn. He looks up at the sky and sighs. “I should probably get back home before my mom goes nuts. Talk to you later, yeah?”

“I’m leaving, too,” he sighs as he stands up. “I don’t know why this isn’t working. Maybe the clouds are too overcast.”

Mike shrugs and flicks at the radio’s antenna. It buzzes erratically, static blasting through Dustin’s headphones and then suddenly there’s a voice coming through the noise. It’s a blend of things, like the receiver is caught between two frequencies. One is Suzie, the other is some spoken code (in English because the random inclusion of the Russians works for Red Scare era / anti-Russia 80′s America but like…it had no set up so I wouldn’t use it for RR!ST3) that neither Mike nor Dustin can understand. Dustin tries to fix the frequency channels to focus on Suzie, but he looses her and the input only focuses on the frequency the code is on. Mike touches the antenna again, holding on this time around, and he can literally feel the electric currents coursing through him, something sharper than a tickle but not as harsh as actual electrocution. The dials on the receiver interface start wavering about randomly and crazily until Mike lets go and then there’s only static again.

“What the,” Dustin mutters, bending down to check how Cerebro is working. “What did you do?”

Mike stares down at his hands, a panic attack on the edge of his senses because, seriously, what the hell was that? First having flashbacks in the theater and feeling that shocking tingling sensation on their way up the hill, now this? “I…I don’t know.”

Dustin taps at a dial and frowns. “Touch it again. Like hold onto it as you did earlier.” Mike does as told and the dials go nuts again. “Mike…do you…have you had any issues near electrical appliances recently?”

Mike scowls and tries to remember if anything odd has happened recently. “No? Not really. Sometimes the radio in my mom’s car doesn’t work and the TV gets a little staticy but that’s normal. Oh, and we had flickering lights out at the cabin when Will, Lucas, and I visited but it’s a cabin in the woods so what do you expect.”

Dustin bites at his bottom lip. “And this only happens when you’re around?”

“I, uh,” Mike grabs at his hair, “No, no, it doesn’t. It doesn’t. It can’t…I’m not, what…I thought that was the Upside Down only.”

“What do you mean?”

“I could touch the lights and the TV when I was in the Upside Down version of the basement. And when I touched them, everything glowed. Kind of like casting Daylight in D&D.” Mike struggles to find his breath; he never really talks about what it was like in the Upside Down. “And…and I knew, I knew where the demogorgon was before I should have. Like innate. And the dead people…”

“Detect Evil?” Dustin suggests, cocking his head to the side. “Mike, do you think any of that stuck with you here?”

[ So basically, the equivalent of “magic” in D&D is electricity in the real world / the Upside Down since electricity and tech is kinda like modern magic, and all of Mike’s powers in the Upside Down are, in theory, paladin spells. He couldn’t control which lights flickered on like Will did in ST1 but he can turn them on and he can create a beacon, along with talking to the dead and having an innate circle of protection around him (a magic circle as paladins can have!) ]

Mike goes back home totally freaked out and refusing to believe he has “powers” because his time in the UD felt like such a nightmare anyway. He just wanted to survive, he didn’t ask for this, he didn’t ask for the Mind Flayer to possess him and use his body to kill people, to almost destroy Hawkins in the process. And that night, Mike decides he absolutely cannot let these possible powers do anything or mean anything because he’s normal, he’s a normal 14-year-old boy who is absolutely not crushing on his very male best friend, no, he’s gonna get a girlfriend, and hang out at the mall like kids do over the summer, and everything is going to be fine.

The next day, Will doesn’t go over to El’s place to hang out, Mike picks up the phone and says a dumb lie about Will being busy to try to get out of it. (“Friends don’t lie,” says El afterwards. “But brothers do.” snorts Max, “All. The. Time.”) He’s frustrated by El wanting to spend time with Will one-on-one when he’s trying to get the og4 Party members together for some normal hangout time playing D&D because, again, Mike here is the one trying to cling onto his childhood, even more now that he might have “powers”. They play D&D with Mike as DM and it all goes well until Karen comes downstairs asking about magnets and Mike internally freaks out. He’s been feeling like someone is watching him for a while now (hint: El when spying on the boys in the Void) and now his mom is talking about something that could very well be his powers working. Dustin knows and can actually see it, so he suggests everyone should get some fresh air and hang out at the mall. The Party goes out shopping, they hang out at Scoops Ahoy and Mike and Dustin share their story about the radio last night but purposefully leave out details about what Mike did with the antenna. Will feels guilty for lying so he’s trying to find some new clothes so El isn’t always wearing Hopper’s hand-me-downs, and they run into Max and El outside.

“Well, well, well,” Max huffs as she crosses her arms. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Will is worried because El leaving the house and being at the mall of all places would definitely make Hopper upset. “Are you okay?” he asks her, careful not to sound too overbearing. “Does Hopper know you’re here?”

El shrugs. “I told him I was seeing Max. And I am.” She turns to Mike. “You said Will couldn’t come over yet you are shopping. Why did you lie?”

Mike, who has spent practically the whole time at the mall on pins and needles, is really not in the mood for being questioned like this. “It just came out. I wanted to hang with the boys, okay? Just us. Like old days.”

El frowns. “Do you not like me?”

“No! No, I really like you!” Mike softens up and gives her a smile. “Honest; friends don’t lie, right? I’m sorry I lied to you. Today’s been…weird.” Dustin huffs at that. “Don’t worry about it though, I genuinely like you.”

And Mike doesn’t mean it that way–he had just said ‘friends don’t lie’ because he really does see her as a friend–but El takes it that way, and she grins widely, blushing as she ducks her head. “I like you, too, Mike.”

Will didn’t even think Mike liked El that way but now that it’s spoken in front of him, he can feel his heart breaking just a bit because any chance he thought he had is gone in his mind. El steps into Mike’s space and he blinks a couple times. “I want to go out with you.”

Dustin gasps, Lucas covers his mouth, Will tries his best not to look dejected, and Max whoops at her side. Mike turns to Will, who is staring at his feet, and then looks back at El. (A parallel to Snowball when Will looked at Mike for approval before going to dance with Zombie Boy girl.) Mike told himself he was gonna get a girlfriend and be normal, right? Ignore whatever happens in his chest when Will smiles at him. Ignore all of that and his stupid powers and be normal. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let’s go out.”

So the Party stays at the mall a little longer and Mike and El hang out together and get ice cream at Scoops’ Ahoy, which is amusing to Steve and Robin both. At the end, they go back to the Wheelers and El has to go back to the cabin but Mike is kind of in a daze because wow, he just got a girlfriend for the first time and went on a date with her. Dustin keeps teasing him, Lucas is cackling and making kissing jokes, but Will…Will is oddly silent at first. They get back on the campaign but no one can really concentrate and Will starts getting concerned about El and how she was out and about without Hopper’s knowledge. Mike is even more frustrated now because he thought things were going to start getting normal now, but it just seems to be falling apart. Will won’t even concentrate on the campaign, Dustin is horrible at trying to be subtle about if Mike’s powers are activating, and Lucas is complaining with Will about how Max and El are hanging out.

Mike lashes out and storms outside, where Will goes after him. “Mike, I’m sorry, it’s a really good campaign,” Will starts with a hand to Mike’s shoulder, “but I’m worried about El and I just…I can’t concentrate right now. We can play it tomorrow, I promise.”

Mike yanks himself away from Will. “Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, it’s always tomorrow! I said ‘see you tomorrow’ before and then I never did! Tomorrow may never fucking come! But oh, that doesn’t matter, huh? Tomorrow always comes for you. Tomorrow is always gonna be better.”

“Mike,”

“No!” he yells and lightening crackles in the distance. “No, you don’t get to say anything! You keep spending time with El, forgetting about all of us! I’m her boyfriend now and I’m not even this obsessed with her whereabouts.” He waves at Will, who scowls. “She’s not even really your sister and you’re letting her just ruining the party like this? And for what? So you can have a fake younger sister to hole up in her room all day?”

Will’s nostrils flare. “El is my sister whether you like it or not!” He snaps back with irritation. “It’s not my fault you don’t like El!”

Mike pauses, eyes widening just a fraction as his breath visibly hitches. No one was supposed to know that he wasn’t even sure how he felt…Dustin himself had come to the conclusion that Mike knew he liked El all along. Will though wants to take it back immediately. Taking out his anger onto Mike isn’t fair at all and just because Mike suddenly has a girlfriend doesn’t mean he should try to accuse Mike of not liking her. But he can’t help but question either way because Mike barely alluded to seeing her that way anyway.

“Look, I’m…I’m sorry, that came out wrong. So wrong.” He steps toward Mike, who tenses up more. “I know you like El, okay? I know you care about her. I care about her, too, just differently. She helped save you and the Party, how can I not care? That type of care has been with me for months. I can’t shut that off. I’m sorry.”

Mike’s breathing is getting denser and his vision is getting blurry because now he knows. Now he knows how he feels and he really fucked up saying yes to dating El. He doesn’t like her like Nancy and he doesn’t like her like Max either. He especially doesn’t like her like a boyfriend. “I like El like how you like her.”

“Mike?” Will’s voice is soft and shaking a little and Mike feels like throwing up.

“El saved me,” he whispers, “She saved me and I like her for that. I do. But she’s not…”

“She’s not what?”

Mike is crying now, angry tears dripping down his face like the rain as his voice crackles like the thunder. “She’s not you! I thought she would be enough and maybe I was wrong for it but it hasn’t even been a full day and I already know! I already know I don’t like her like that because I like you!”

There’s nothing but the patter of rain and Mike’s heavy breathing, and Mike can already feel his heart breaking because he spent so long trying to deny this and now he blurted it out in the midst of an argument like a dumbass and now Will is going to hate him. Hate him for not being normal, hate Mike for being what Lonnie always said he was. He’s crying still, hands shaking at his side as the tears continue to spill.

Will looks up at him with widened eyes and Mike can’t take it any longer. He can’t face the inevitable rejection right now. “I need to go.”

“Mike, wait, no! Mike!” Will rushes toward him but Mike’s already on his bike and riding through the rain. “Mike! Mike, come back!”

When Mike doesn’t turn back, Will rushes downstairs, tears streaming down his face as well and he can barely get his words out. “We need to find Mike, we need to find him now!”

“Will, what happened?” Lucas asks but Will grabs his jacket instead of replying.

“We need to go, now.” the brunette is shaking and Dustin puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Seriously, Will, what happened? Is he okay? Is he hurt?”

“Yes, yes, oh my god,” Will collapses on the stairs before he can finish climbing them. “Oh my god, he confessed to me.”

“Confessed what? His powers?”

Will blinks a few times and looks up at Dustin as he rubs at his runny nose. “His what? Powers?”

Dustin freezes. “Oh. I, uh, I thought…oh…oh. Mike likes you?”

Will waves a passing hand. “Pause, what is this about Mike’s powers?”

Lucas speaks up with irritation. “I thought you said we need to go!”

So all the boys get on their bikes and ride toward the Byers house since that’s where Mike would go when his nightmares got bad enough and it’s a safe place for him outside of the basement. Dustin explains what Mike had done with Cerbero and how they caught this code that he had been sort of hashing out with Steve and Robin when they went to the mall. No one is home at the Byers residence (Joyce and Karen are out with Hopper doing their whole side storyline there) and Will starts to freak out more.

“Where would he be, where would he be?”

Lucas crosses his arms. “Maybe the cabin? That’s where his girlfriend is after all.”

And that’s not where Mike is, he’s actually with Steve and Robin at the mall given he feels he’d be better off with someone who understands the UD/MF mess (Steve) and someone who doesn’t know the Party dynamics (Robin). He’s just about to tell Robin about his confession to Will when he feels the Mind Flayer and knows that he’s back.

The rest of the season is kinda…the same ish but also not?? But so I don’t write out the whole damn thing now lmao here are the pointers:

El and Mike are still trying to be girlfriend and boyfriend when they reunite at the cabin (Scoops Troop is a thing but it’s not tied to the Russian bs so they aren’t at the mall the entire time) but Mike is also really uncomfortable with El’s advances though he tries not to act like it.

Mike avoids Will as best he can even though Will keeps trying to get one-on-one time with Mike to confess that he likes him back

Jonathan and Nancy team up at the cabin too with news about the exploding rats (the MF’s attempt to possess non humans that went wrong) and Mike speaks up about how he might have powers himself

El tries to teach him how to go into the Void (which would be like a prayer for him) but when he does so, he ends up running into the Mind Flayer and find out that it’s after him and is willing to kill all his friends to get to him

Mike and El both pull out of the Void together gasping and crying and Will is immediately at Mike’s side as Max rushes to El. “He’s going to kill us,” Mike sobs shakily, “He’s going to kill us all.”

El gets attacked by the Mind Flayer (not Meat Flayer) because it was coming for Mike and she intercepted the transmission using her mind

At the hospital Mike breaks up with El (instead of how in ST3 they became friends again), and she’s a little hurt but understanding when he confesses that he likes someone more than her and doesn’t want to hurt her by lying to her constantly when dating her

Will finally gets Mike to himself here and is about to confess but then Mike feels the Mind Flayer (his innate sense evil power) and it’s possessed someone. He confronts it, helps save Nancy from the shapeshifting demogorgon attacking her, and banishes it from this dimension, only to pass out from the effort

El takes over with her powers and with Mike’s help, accesses the radio to find the channel that Dustin and Mike had found before. She discovers that someone is trying to open the gate again under the mall

At the supermarket, Will and Mike finally get to talk and Will confesses that he likes Mike, too. “Blank makes you crazy, right?” Mike chuckles as he takes Will’s hand in his own. He’s not willing to say love yet even if he knows it’s true. He knows that Will understands him though. Will always does.

“Yeah,” the boy replies sweetly, “blank makes you crazy.”

Cue an almost kiss before Lucas and Dustin come around with the fireworks and they all get over to the mall

Big battle against the Mind Flayer and the people it possessed. Instead of a giant gory meat machine, it possesses people in Hawkins like it did Mike in RR!ST2 and uses them to shapeshift them into individual monsters. So the Party is attacked by a horde of demogorgons and demodogs!!

The fireworks help a lot as Lucas suggested, and Mike and El work together as superpowered besties to banish the Mind Flayer from all the neighbors. Some die in the process (because it’s just, brutal and violent and horrible) and Mike gets temporarily repossessed in the battle but he’s more leveled up now and understands how this works, so he can banish the MF from him (a level 4 paladin spell might I add!) as much as El used her powers to take out the piece of the meat machine in her leg in ST3

Hopper closes the gate but not in enough time (we need him in the Upside Down for RR!ST4) and then the Mind Flayer retreats, but it kills all the people it had possessed in the process, which only wrecks the kids with guilt for being unable to save everyone like they almost did

This also frightens Mike who has been possessed by the Mind Flayer because it means his connection is still strong enough that the Mind Flayer could kill him instantly too (but it won’t bc Mike and El’s powers are too strong and it could possibly kill itself trying to kill them through that connection)

At the end there’s no one really moving away. El has lost her powers, Mike’s are nearly depleted / he doesn’t know how to use them without El’s help. Everyone is mourning Hopper and with El and Mike unable to use their powers, they can’t go into the Void to see that Hopper’s actually alive.

uhhh the epilogue is the first day of high school and the Party are hopping off their bikes and chatting about something nonsensical. Lucas and Max are holding hands, Dustin is waving his arms about wildly as he explains his latest science project, and Mike and Will are standing close together, just enough to brush their fingers together. (El is homeschooled since she needs to catch up on her education)

“You okay?” Will asks quietly as they stand off to the side away from the bustling crowds. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

“I know,” Mike grins down at his boyfriend, which is still so blush inducing to think about, so he blushes. “But, I’m fine. I’ve got you right beside me so I’m definitely okay.”

#role reversal au #RR!ST3 #byler #otp: palaric #omggggg #i love this so much oh my god #thank you for giving me the leeway to rebuild the au!!#anon #yams answers #yams writes

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broke-n-bitchy · 6 years ago

Text

Wicked Dreams

Part Two Warnings: Drinking, drug use, smoking, cursing @triplehaitches @knightwhosaysnii @prettysureimgayxo @carmineharry The drive to Los Angeles was fucking terrible. I almost ripped my hair out, you try cramping into a single cab truck with four guys and all of your band equipment stuffed in the back. “Land, oh my god! Sweet, sweet land!” I praised as I was the first one to pretty much jump out while it was still rolling. We were stopped at the motel, it was about two hours before getting to our audition. “Oh, fuck off. My driving wasn’t that bad.” Alex responded with a roll of his eyes whilst helping Ryder start grabbing everything from the back. It was terrible. We almost died nearly nine fucking times. He got such bad road rage crossing the state line that I made him pull over so I could drive. “Uh, yeah it was.” Walking over to Sami, I grabbed a cigarette from his pack and quickly lit it. Alex didn’t allow us to smoke in his truck because it was his ‘baby’. I inhaled deeply before exhaling, “So, game plan?” “What do you mean game plan? We put our bags in our rooms, grab some food and go over the song we want to play. And then pray to Satan they pick us.” Ryder said while handing me my bag, I slung it over my shoulder and started walking towards the front door. We spent the next hour getting ready and arguing over which song to play, I eventually won by a game of rock, paper, scissors. I was the master, they couldn’t beat my skills of persuasion. At least that’s what I liked to tell myself. Being where I’m from, what I actually liked to wear was frowned upon so for me, it was mainly plain jeans and tee shirts. But today we were meeting Motley fuckin’ Crue. So of course, I had to look at least a little punk rock. I only glammed myself up for work, and that’s because I was a bartender at Trees in Dallas. The hotter you are, the better the tips. But other than that, I couldn’t give two fucks. Right now, I was having a bit of a dilemma. I gazed at the two outfits I had sprawled across the bed in my room. Hm, lace top with leather pants, or ripped jeans with leather bralette? Ah, the joys of being a lady. “Leather pants, definitely.” I heard a voice and it was my cousin, Sami. I nodded without responding and folded the other clothes, putting them back in my bag. Sitting down and letting out a nervous breath, I took a drink out of my flask with shaking hands. “Hey, I’m nervous too.” Sami shrugged his shoulders while coming to sit down next to me, “But check this out, you have been through so much and you came out of it better than before. Not to mention you’ll have your totally cool and badass of a cousin there to have your back.” I couldn’t help but laugh, it was true. There’s been so much shit in my life that I doubted myself on a daily basis. I knew we were good, I knew I was talented, but another part of me just sat there wondering if it was enough. “Thank you, you are pretty cool. But I will never admit I said that, ever.” I responded with a sarcastic tone before shoving his shoulder, “Alright, now get out. And please change that shirt. There’s a fucking stain on it.” “Yes, mom.” He retorted before getting up and bolting out childishly. After struggling to get my thighs into the leather pants, I yanked them up to my waist and tied the string together. Slipping into my lucky bra, and then pulling the lace top over my head, it barely covered my stomach and normally it made me feel weird but I admit, I looked pretty cute. Sitting down, I slid on my old, dirty and very beat up combat boots. They were being held together with tape, but I didn’t care. They were my mother’s and it may sound stupid, but I felt closer to her when I wore them. And today, I needed all of the comforts I could get. I left my hair down, in its natural state, wavy and a little tangled. After doing my makeup and finishing off with burgundy lipstick, I made sure my eyeliner wasn’t smudged. “Your eyes are the prettiest things I’ve ever seen like I’m looking into two blue deep pools and I’m drowning in them.” My mother used to tell me that, and when I got older and started wearing makeup, they did pop out more. Taking a few deep breaths, I stepped out of my room and met the guy’s at the front. “Oh my god, Lucy actually has a body under her usual rags.” Alex was joking, but the look I gave him made him stop laughing real quick. “Well, let’s get this done.” I was enthusiastic, I was. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up too soon. - Here we were, at the studio. I finished my cigarette before taking three gulps of Beam that was in my flask before shoving it down in my boot. A man with slicked-back hair and a dimpled grin stepped outside the building along with a tall and lanky fellow beside him. “Hello, you must be the band from Texas, right? I’m Doc, the manager and this is Tom, our producer.” “Please to meet you.” We exchanged handshakes and names all before heading inside, unloading our gear. “We do have equipment here, you guys didn’t have to bring your own.” We all kinda just looked at him. I don’t know about the guys but my guitar was my baby, her name was Stella. She was a dark red Dean Vendetta XMT with Tremolo. My mom got it for me on our last Christmas together. I wouldn’t touch any other guitar. “We don’t mind,” I told him as I followed behind Ryder before stepping into the small room. Whoa, we’ve never been in an actual studio before. And across the room were four men sitting around, talking and laughing. I didn’t know rather introduce ourselves first or start setting up. Apparently, Ryder had the right idea. “Hey, I’m Ryder. I’m the drummer.” Since when was he the talkative one? “What’s up, dude! Me too!” Tommy yelled excitedly while standing up, and instead of a handshake, he honestly pulled him into a hug and I could tell this was a start of a bromance, even if we didn’t get the slot. “These are my bandmates, Nikki, Vince, and Mick,” Tommy told us like we didn’t already know. “Hey, guys. Oh, sorry, this is our guitarist, Lucy.” Ryder said while wrapping an arm around my shoulder to kind of push me forward. I was a little in shock, to say the least. He pinched me and I came back to reality. Tommy immediately gave me a hug too, “Nice to meet ya! How ‘bout I step out and help the rest and introduce myself?” “Oh you don’t-” But before I could finish my sentence he had already jogged out the door. “I’m Vince, and let me guess, your name is Gorgeous,” Vince said while staring me up and down, I seized the moment, too. “Lucy Gorgeous. Nice ring to it.” I said with a dramatic hair flip. He only grinned, “It’s nice to meet you.” My stomach was flipping when Mick stood up to shake my hand. He was my hero, my fucking idol. “Oh my god, you are my favorite musician, I absolutely adore the way you play.” Mick gave me a small but stern looking smile, probably because my hand was still latched to his like a weirdo. “Oh, sorry!” I laughed it off and quickly withdrew my hand. “I appreciate the compliment, thank you. And I’m looking forward to hearing you play.” He said before settling back down with a small grunt. Nikki hadn’t gotten up from his seat or even acknowledge that I was there. He was face deep on a dish, doing a line of coke. “Hi, Nikki. I’m Lucy, the guitarist for my band.” I said while I approached him, holding my hand out. “Oh, hey, sorry.” He eventually looked up and set the dish down to the side, he was silent for a second before reaching forward and shaking my hand, “I hope you play as good as you look.” He told me before letting go. I didn’t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. - After getting all set up, we were about ready to play. I was tuning my strings while my hands keep shaking, I almost dropped my pick. But I knew that once I started playing, I would feel better. Glancing up and tapping my mic for a second before looking at my guys’, then looking forward to the six men that were standing behind the glass waiting. Alex felt the need to pronounce us. “We’re System Insomniac, and this song is called Burn it To The Ground. I hope y’ all enjoy.” (Basing the band’s songs off of song Nickelback and a few other band’s concepts pls don’t judge and just pretend it was during that era because I love the guitar solos and riffs.) They then nodded at me, and I started without hesitation with the beginning. Being followed by Ryder on the drums, then Sami on his bass. It sounded so much better in here, I swear I orgasmed. “Well it’s midnight, damn right, we’re wound up too tight, I’ve got a fistful of whiskey, the bottle just bit me. Ooohhhh! That shit makes me batshit crazy! We got no fear, no doubt, all in balls out! Mmmm, we’re going out tonight! Hey! To kick out every light! Hey! Take anything we want, Drink everything in sight! We’re going till the world stops turning, While we burn it to the ground tonight!” Alex’s deep voice boomed through the entire room, it gave me chills. I continued my playing and just got completely lost in the song before stepping forward to start my solo, and I forgot where I was. I forgot what we were doing, I was just there, killing it on my guitar and feeling every single chord I strung with my pick. I don’t know about my mates, but I think it was the same with them. It wasn’t until I was almost finished with my solo, and Alex kind of pushed me forward to sing the bridge. My voice rang through as loud and clear as I could make it, “Tickin’ like a time bomb, drinkin’ till the night’s gone, Well get your hands off this glass, last call my ass. Weelll, no train, no lock, this train won’t stop. We got no fear, no doubt, all in, balls out!” Alex chimed in and sang the last line of the bridge with me before taking back over where I stepped off to the side to finish off the song with the last part of the chorus. With the ending, Ryder and I finished off the song while Sami nailed the last string on his bass. We stood there breathing kind of uneasily, both from nervousness and how much energy we put into our performance. We stood there in silence before Tommy busted through the door that separated the two parts of the room clapping, “Fuck yeah! That rocked! Finally, a band that doesn’t suck ass dude!” Alex and Tommy high fived. I smiled to myself before pulling my strap off of my shoulders and moving to set her gently into her case. It was ultimately up to Doc and Tom but the band liked us, I overheard remnants of a conversation Doc and Alex were having. I still didn’t know if we got the slot, and to ease my nerves, I tugged my flask from my boot and took a swig from it. I felt a pair of eyes on me, turning around while wiping my chin a little and screwing the cap back on, “Sorry.” I shrugged. It was Nikki. “That stuff will kill ya.” He commented while taking a swig from his Daniels bottle, “But it tastes so good.” He eventually said with a laugh, “Hell, yes it does.” I agreed while heading out the door, Nikki followed behind shortly. “You’re pretty good, for a chick.” He told me while I was in the middle of lighting a cigarette, “The highest of compliments.” I retorted and rolled my eyes. Just because I was a girl, doesn’t mean I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. Music has been everything to me and it always will be. “So, do you think we got the slot?” I asked him, and he was about to answer before a certain blonde appeared beside me with an arm slung around my shoulder, “What the fuck do you think?” “I think that we drove 19 hours straight cramped in a truck, and running on like an hour of sleep, and all the while this was insane, and as much as we love you guys, a simple yes or no would suffice,” I said while taking a drag, glaring at Nikki while he pulled it from my fingers and took a few puffs himself. “He means yes, you guys got the slot.” Nikki told me while staring directly into my eyes, “We leave in two weeks.” I hadn’t responded and accidentally burned myself because I was in complete shock. I had no words. “Ow!” I yelped, and this dark haired fucker was smirking. “Suck a cock,” I mumbled to him before walking out to find the rest of my band. “Feisty, I like you already!” I heard him yell. I didn’t know how to register but this was our fucking moment.

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urfavmurtad · 6 years ago

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Hi ! Do you have any books recommendations for someone who want to have a better understanding of Islam (on the historical aspect for exemple)? Beside the quran/hadiths. I want to learn more but I don't want Islamic propaganda or something overtly negative. Thanks!!! I love your blog and you're a great writter

No problem anon, I’d love to give some book recs! There are so many shitty books on Islamic history out there, and they’re shitty in many ways. It’s not just the ones written by Muslims that have problems. Some books are written by pop “historians” who have no business writing about this subject, others are from Orientalists who think Arabs invented civilization, others are from revisionists who don’t seem to have met a single Arab person in their lives. I have had to read through buckets of shit to find some gems. This is the true jihad.

I’m gonna dig through my bookshelf and mostly focus on the books that can be found for free online or in most libraries, just for the sake of accessibility.

I think a very good and very basic place to start is this… semi-series by Robert Hoyland, who is a professor at NYU. Hoyland was a student of a writer I’m not fond of (Patricia Crone, who did make some valuable contributions about the status of Mecca but was an extreme revisionist). But he’s not really like that at all, and his sources are basically impeccable. He has three books that I’d happily recommend for beginners, starting in the pre-Islamic era and going into the conquests:

Arabia and the Arabs* (pdf here). This is one of the very few works about pre-Islamic Arabia that brings in information from non-Islamic sources. It’s mostly about northern and southern Arabia (as in… not Mecca or anything near it) because those are the places mentioned by outside sources, but still. This is one of, like, three respectful books on pre-Islamic Arabia that I’ve ever read. I was so happy when I found it.

Seeing Islam as Others Saw It* (pdf here). I’ve linked this before in this post, so you can glance through that to see if the subject interests you. This is just a collection of early non-Islamic sources about the Islamic conquests. It’s a huge reference book, so feel free to skip around and just read the parts you’re interested in. It’s good stuff and may make you stan Muawiya a little purely based on his competency idk

In God’s Path: The Arab Conquests and the Creation of an Islamic Empire* (pdf here). I like this a lot, but I don’t agree with all of its conclusions. This is where you can see some of Crone’s influence, but it’s not super revisionist and there are some interesting ideas within it. Hoyland does significantly downplay the role of Islam as a faith here, seeing it as essentially a glue pulling Arabs together and uniting them into one political entity. The last three pages of Fred Donner’s frankly bitchy review… points were made. I still recommend it tho!His ideas on one of the driving forces of the conquests being the Arab “muhajirun” (applied to the conquering army as a whole instead of just the group that left Mecca) and their desire to settle in other lands is at least food for thought.

I’d also v strongly suggest reading up at least a little on the poor long-forgotten empires that dominated the Middle East before Islam’s glorious birth, the Byzantines and the Sassanids. In my experience, most ppl know very little about the former and nothing about the latter. But they were kind of, uh, important? So it might be worth reading a bit on them.

For the Byzantines, take your pick: do you want a dense scholarly book or a lighter but quicker read? The scholarly one I’d suggest is The Making of Byzantium by Mark Whittow (pdf here). The lighter one, Lost to the West: The Forgotten Byzantine Empire That Rescued Western Civilization* by Lars Brownworth (borrow), has a very ott title that reminds me of those “ISLAMIC CIVILIZATION SAVED EUROPE!!” books that I hate. But the content focuses far more on internal Byzantine stuff than its “legacy” or w/e. It’s definitely less academic than Whittow’s book, but on the plus side it’s way easier to read tbh.

If you really get into it and want to read more single-topic Byzantine books, I’d also suggest most of Judith Herrin’s books, including Unrivalled Influence: Women and Empire in Byzantium and Margins and Metropolis: Authority Across the Byzantine Empire. She also has a general overview of Byzantium (borrow).

There’s also a Byzantine history podcast, I stan it.

The Two Eyes Of The Earth* by Matthew Canepa (pdf here). This is half regular-history and half art history, but don’t let that scare you!! I know very little about art history and I found it easy to read. It’s REALLY GOOD and for a book you can find for free it lays out the relationship between the Byzantines and Persians really well.

For the Sassanids: Sasanian Persia* by Touraj Daryaee (pdf here) is a very brief, easy read and only around 150 pages long. It’s worth it just to familiarize yourself with the topic. A more in-depth rec is Arsacids and Sasanians by Rahim Shayegan (pdf here), which is a longer-term view of Persian history.

Arabs and Empires Before Islam* (pdf here) is a collection from multiple authors that touches on Arabs in relation to both empires, and extends its reach into South Arabia as well.

The Palestinian historian Irfan Shahid’s long series on Byzantium and the Arabs* has been made available online via the Dumbarton Oaks library. His work is a tad outdated nowadays, but it’s still a great resource. This guy has literally spent decades on this single topic and he provides us with his work for free…… a legend tbh. (The download links are on the top right of each page, if you can’t find them.) Honestly every book has worthwhile information in it, but on the topic of Islam/Islamic history you probably want the ones on the sixth century, since that’s when Mo was born. The full thing is like… 800 pages, so. Take it slow! Other scholars on Byzantine-Arab interactions include Walter Emil Kaegi and Greg Fisher, with Fisher being more skeptical of later Islamic texts than the other two. But I’ve read useful stuff from all three.

Rome and the Arabs (pdf here)

Byzantium and the Arabs in the 4th Century (pdf here)

…Fifth Century (pdf here)

…Sixth Century: Volume 1, Part 1 (pdf here)

…Volume 1, Part 2 (pdf here)

…Volume 2, Part 1 (pdf here)

…Volume 2, Part 2 (pdf here)

Now… if you are looking for some actual history about Mohammed and his earliest followers, just be aware that 100% of the information on The Life And Times Of Crazy Mo comes from Islamic sources written over a century after he died. All that anyone can do is dig through them and try to determine, based on whatever criteria, what is plausible and what isn’t plausible. I’d actually suggest you read the primary sources (as in the stuff written by Muslims over a thousand years ago) yourself, since that’s what all these books are based upon. If you don’t wanna slog through the big ahadith collections, you might wanna read one of these:

The Expeditions* by Mamar ibn Rashid (pdf here). I might suggest starting here, because 1) it’s short! (the page count is a lie bc it’s dual Arabic-English) and 2) once you understand the stuff in this, it’ll make reading the larger works way easier. This is a selection of ahadith narrated by a student of al-Zuhri, who was a student of one of the sahaba (Anas ibn Malik). So there is a short and very direct chain of transmission all the way back to the rise of Islam here. You can see how much of the “official story” of Islam was already decided-upon in the 8th century (a lot!), what spots were vague and still being filled in (90% of the pre-hijra days), and what was open to debate (tidbits like: when was the “year of the elephant”?). Note that this covers like… fragments of the story, it is not a full sira.

It’s interesting to compare the above to Ibn Ishaq’s long-ass sira (pdf here), which is from the same century. I might do a post on the differences between them at some point. Ibn Ishaq’s is referenced by virtually all later authors so it’s kinda… important to read it, even though it’s long.

There is another early biography by al-Waqidi (who was considered less credible by his contemporaries and deemed an outright liar by many of them), I don’t really care for it but you can read about the differences between his and Ibn Ishaq’s sira here. It’s still worth a read even tho al-Waqidi himself is questionable, but I can’t find a free English translation.

Muhammad and the Origins of Islam* by F.E. Peters (borrow) is a decent summary of the story, if you don’t feel like reading a sira. The book mostly just quotes from Islamic texts. But at only 300 pages, around a third of which is more about Middle Eastern history around the 7th century, it’s a pretty easy read.

There’s also al-Tabari’s 40-book-long history series (pdfs here), which covers like… everything up to the 9th century. You obviously aren’t gonna read this whole-ass thing but it’s useful as a reference if you wanna check up on a particular topic. I’ve read multiple volumes of this and I didn’t find them hard to read at all, they’re surprisingly short.

If you’re looking for a recent English-language biography of Mohammed and his followers, well. The truth is that there are very few decent English-language books on this topic, and by Allah, some are absolutely cancerous. I’d strongly suggest staying away from: 1) anything written by someone who is not a scholar of Islam, Arabic, or Middle Eastern history in general, 2) older ones written by Orientalists, especially the white guys who were in the habit of dressing in thobes, and 3) works written by Saudi or Qatari-funded scholars (who tend to work at places helpfully named after their benefactors). Also, pls do not read anything that begins a discussion of goddamn 7th century Arabia with “ever since 9/11…”.

Look for something fairly recent (like… since the 90s, maybe) written by a credible scholar of Islam whose work is favorably reviewed by his or her peers. And be aware that no book is going to get it 100% right because of the limitations I mentioned. I think this short article (pdf) summarizes what you should expect going into any of these works.

Since I don’t really like any of them, I can’t recommend any, but I can at least point you in the right direction, hopefully...

In my experience, single-topic articles (that you can read using scihub 👀) are way better and more informative than any books on the topic. I dunno why, but I think it’s just because each individual topic requires so much specialized knowledge that no one can write about the entire era convincingly. I’d be happy to suggest some articles on any particular subject you’re curious about.

If you want some scholarly “analysis” of early Islamic history:

Analysing Muslim Traditions by Harald Motzki (pdf here) presents a convincing argument against people who reject the ahadith because they see them as completely unreliable. The book is basically a defense of “the science of ahadith” created by scholars in the 9th/10th centuries. Not all ahadith are “real” in the sense that they can be plausibly traced back to Mo & Crew–but it’s pretty clear that many of them can be.

Islamic Historiography* by Chase F. Robinson (pdf here) isn’t about whether some parts of Islamic history are true or not–it’s more of a look at the development of Islamic historians and how they built upon the very early ahadith. Short and an easy read.

Arabic Historical Thought in the Classical Period by Tarif Khalidi is somewhat similar, but touches more on specific authors in a specific period. Khalidi is a big name in Arab Islamic studies, and a lot of his work is pretty decent, though I’ve noticed it’s kinda hard to find some of his books in libraries.

Sectarianism!!!

The Caliph and the Heretic, Ibn Sabaʾ and the Origins of Shīʿism by Sean W. Anthony (pdf here). This is a subject that I’ve been weirdly fascinated by for whatever reason. The guy it’s named after has long been accused of being one of the “ghulat”, meaning people who took Ali to be a divine figure in blatant violation of Islamic doctrine. (A book that goes into more depth on “ghulat” sects is Ghulat Sects by Matti Moosa, pdf here. The “extremist” subtitle means their religious beliefs, not terrorism.) A lot of legends and myths have popped up with respect to this guy and his place in Islamic history, and the author tries to disentangle all the stories and find the root of it all to find an actual basis for early Shiism, without the hateful propaganda that’s clouded it. Really good.

A more general overview of Shia history is Shi’ism by Heinz Halm.

The Heirs of Muhammad* by Barnaby Rogerson (borrow) is a very, very basic overview of the political clusterfuck of the Rashidun era. It’s not super scholarly and leaves out a lot of details, but if you don’t know anything about the topic, give it a try.

The Succession to Muhammad: A Study of the Early Caliphate by Wilferd Madelung (pdf here) is essentially a book about the title’s topic from a Shia perspective, or at least from an Abbasid perspective. It’s very… credulous, in the sense that it doesn’t question the sources, but it’s good if you want to know one side of the story. The Umayyads, and to a lesser extent Abu Bakr & Crew, are the bad guys here. Full disclosure: the author works at a place funded by the Aga Khan (Ismaili Shia leader).

The Ismailis by Farhad Daftary (pdf here) is an absolutely gigantic book that I would not recommend for beginners, but if you happen to be curious about the Ismailis–this is a historically important Shia group distinct from Iranians et al, who are from another sect called Imamiyya or “Twelvers”–here you go.

The Birth of the Prophet Muhammad by Marion Holmes Katz (pdf here). This is a single-topic book about Sunni (including Sufi) mythology surrounding Mohammed and his life. I’m not talking history here, but outright mythological elements, like Mo’s dad being glowy. This is semi-topical re: the crazies who blow people up for celebrating Mohammed’s birthday, but is also useful in understanding the process by which Islamic theology built Mohammed into a hell of a lot more than “just a man”. Slightly more specialized than the other books here, but I included it because I don’t think it’s so academic that you’ll be lost and confused while reading it.

Here are some basic overviews of the Umayyad and early Abbasid eras, which is when 90% of what we think of as “Islam” was crystallized:

Again, al-Tabari’s history series is really useful for these eras. The Expeditions and Ibn Ishaq’s sira also touch on some of this stuff. Don’t discount the classics! The only thing to remember is that all of these were written after the Abbasids overthrew the Umayyads, so obviously they have a certain angle to them. But they’re still useful.

The New Cambridge History of Islam (pdf here). A great, six-volume-long series of articles on a huge variety of topics of early Islamic history. Look through the tables of contents and pick an article that seems interesting, and give it a shot.

The Encyclopedia of Islam* (a tad outdated in places, but still great overall) covers this era and…. like, basically everything. It’s huge. I got all my pdfs of it from Tehran University’s site here, idk why that’s the only place where I can find it. The glorious Islamic Republic doesn’t gaf about copyright laws I guess. There’s also an Encyclopedia of the Quran (pdfs here), but that’s more for religious matters than historical stuff.

The First Dynasty of Islam: The Umayyad Caliphate* by G.R. Hawting (pdf here) is, imo, a very dry and scholarly book. But if you need an overview, it’s useful. It’s also only like 150 pages so it shouldn’t be too hard to get through.

Black Banners from the East: The Establishment of the Abbasid State by Moshe Sharon is an account of the Abbasid revolution and everything that led up to that moment.

Inquisition in Early Islam: The Competition for Political and Religious Authority in the Abbasid Empire by John Turner. I really wish I had a pdf for this one, but I don’t. This is probably more suited for someone raised Muslim or at least someone who already knows a bit about Islamic history–if you’ve heard of Imam Ahmad’s trial before the caliph al-Mamun, you’re good–but it’s a good look at how religious authority was handled by the early Abbasid leaders.

The Canonization of Islamic Law by Ahmed El Shamsy (pdf here). Oh boy, if you don’t really enjoy the legal side of Islam, this one will bore you to tears. Regrettably this topic is extremely important for understanding Islamic history, so try to power through it.

For some other Islamic empires, here are three books about al-Andalus, two of which I’ve already recced:

Kingdoms of Faith: A New History of Islamic Spain* by Brian Catlos. This one focuses more on the religious communities themselves, the relationships between them, and the conflicts within them.

Muslim Spain and Portugal: A Political History of Al-Andalus* by Hugh Kennedy. Kennedy has written a lot of books, and for me they’re very hit-or-miss. His style can sometimes be dry, and at other times he glosses over important details. But this one’s good. It’s…. well, it’s what it says it is, a political history. If you want intrigue and drama, here you go.

Philosophers Sufis & Caliphs by Ali Humayun Akhtar (pdf here). This is more about Islamic scholars in Andalus and focuses on their interaction with and responses to Fatimid (Ismaili Shia) ideology. A lot of texts on Andalus frame it as part of a European context (as in, devoting a lot of space to Christians), but this one puts it more in the context of the wider Arab world, which is helpful.

Ottomans!!!!

Osman’s Dream* by Caroline Finkel (pdf here) is a great and really in-depth summary of centuries of Ottoman history. It covers over 600 years, so forgive the length and take it one chapter at a time.

The late Halil Inalcik was a master of producing really good, in-depth books about Ottoman history with the driest titles you could possibly imagine. I’m pretty sure he is (or… was) one of the top Turkish experts on the subject, so any of his stuff is worth a look. The one I read was The Ottoman Empire: The Classical Age 1300-1600*. But if you can find any of his stuff at your library, you might wanna check it out.

Three books from Roger Crowley touching on the Crusades era, in order: City of Fortune: How Venice Won and Lost a Naval Empire*, 1453: The Holy War for Constantinople* (borrow here), and Empires of the Sea: The Final Battle for the Mediterranean* (yes the first one is mostly about the Italian city-states but there is plenty of Turkish nonsense too). I’ve recced these before but they’re great. There’s also an interlude about Acre called The Accursed Tower, which is likewise excellent.

Before Homosexuality in the Arab-Islamic World, 1500-1800 by Khaled El-Rouayheb. Well… not all of it is about the Ottomans, but a large portion of it is. Don’t be put off by the title–it doesn’t mean that gay sex didn’t exist before the year 1801. I don’t agree with all the author’s conclusions, but the sources he’s collected are still useful. Everything you could possibly want to know about pederasty is contained within, enjoy.

“Roxolana: The Greatest Empress of the East”*. This is an article, not a book, but it’s a brief summary of the Eastern European slave girl who used her body and mind to worm her way into the highest echelons Ottoman politics. I’ll write about this whole weird era someday.

The Ottoman Age of Exploration (pdf here) by Giancarlo Casale is the story of how the Ottomans tried and almost succeeded in getting in on the whole Asia imperialism thing. (Despite this occurring during the Ottoman heyday, you hardly ever hear them mentioned in discussions about it.) It begins with a man named Selim the Grim. If that doesn’t sell you on it, what will?

There is ALSO an Ottoman history podcast (+articles) although tbh the earlier seasons were better and more, uh, Ottoman-focused. It’s kinda more a Muslim history podcast now. It descends into academic jargon and glorification at times but there are still some gems to be found there.

Some of the important Shia dynasties:

Converting Persia: Religion and Power in the Safavid Empire by Rula Jurdi Abisaab (pdf here). Iran became Shia under the Safavids, which is… kind of important, for modern-day issues! So you might wanna read about it! Because this happened in the 16th century, there’s also a lot about geopolitics between them and the Ottomans, interactions with Asian and European nations, etc.

The Fatimids were a hugely important Ismaili dynasty that ruled large swaths of land, including Egypt, during ye olde “golden age” that they’ve been largely erased from. There are, unfortunately, very few decent overviews of the caliphate, but there are some nice “character studies” (for lack of a better word) so I’d suggest reading articles about them instead. There are some collections of essays, including a long series called Egypt and Syria in the Fatimid, Ayyubid and Mamluk Eras.

Maghrebi topics:

Black Morocco: A History of Slavery, Race, and Islam* by Chouki El Hamel is a recent book about a tragically underexplored topic, namely Black slaves in Arab countries (which is usually dismissed with “slavery wasn’t about race!!!”). This covers mostly the early modern era (~1600s-1800s) of Morocco.

A History of the Maghrib in the Islamic Period by Jamil M. Abun-Nasr. This is a 20th century book that’s kinda written in the style of an old Arab history book, but it’s still good. There’s a lot goin on in the Maghreb and keeping track of all the tribes and their loyalties is very difficult, so a basic primer like this is very useful.

Some miscellaneous dynasties:

The Empire of the Steppes* by René Grousset (borrow) is only, like, half about any sort of Islamic dynasty (Timurlane and the Timurids), but the early Mongols are part of Islamic history by virtue of killing lots of people, so! Might be worth a read. It’s an old-fashioned book, but it’s an intro to the subject.

The Millennial Sovereign: Sacred Kingship and Sainthood in Islam (pdf here) by Azfar Moin. I’m sure this is noticeable, but I know about 1) Arabs, 2) Turks, 3) Persians, and 4) Amazigh people, in that order. India is kinda beyond my wheelhouse, but I’m trying to learn more. This one was a good start and covers topics that you’ve probably heard of before (the Mughal Empire and the emperor Akbar) in great depth. It covers Iran and the Timurids too, but most of it is about India.

The Seljuks are another one where I’ve just been really unimpressed with the books I’ve leafed through tbh. The only one I’ve enjoyed and actually read through to the end was The Great Seljuqs: A History by Osman Aziz Basan, so if you can find that, go for it.

Books specifically focusing on women:

Women and Gender in Islam: Historical Roots of a Modern Debate* by Leila Ahmed (borrow). This is a Hot Topique as many of you know, and if you search for Islam+women you are likely to receive a bunch of bullshit in return. But Leila Ahmed has been covering this subject for decades and her book is about as in-depth and “fair” as you can get.

Concubines and Courtesans: Women and Slavery in Islamic History*. Hey, wanna hear something fucked up? Many if not most of the notable Muslim women throughout history were sex slaves. Some were used purely for sex, others for entertainment, others as the mothers of their masters’ heirs. A few slaves managed to manipulate or charm their way to political power, and they’re some of the most powerful “Muslim” women in history. This messy topic is explored in a series of essays in this book.

Marriage and Slavery in Early Islam* by Kecia Ali (pdf here). This approaches the same topic as the above from more of a religious perspective rather than a historical survey. It traces the development of religious opinions and justifications for slavery, the “proper” treatment of women, the differences or lack thereof in the ultimate status of a freed woman vs a slave woman, etc.

That is…………. a lot!!! But I do think that all of them taken together are a pretty solid basis for understanding the first…. I dunno, 1000 years or so? of Islamic history. I think most of them are accessible for someone with zero or very little knowledge about any of these subjects, though some are denser than others. I put asterisks on the one that I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to get through, no matter how little you know about the topic.

Also, I know you said no Quran or ahadith but… ur gonna be real-ass confused about many things if you don’t at least know a little about them tbh. If you’re ever in the mood for it, there are a bunch of tafsirs online (Ibn Kathir’s famous one is here) and I have @quranreadalong for this exact purpose so pls enjoy!

If anyone wants more recs about any specific topic, hit me up! I got literally hundreds of books on my bookshelf.

#ask #anon #recs #history #reference

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hogsteeth-archive · 6 years ago

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alright then i answered one of them oc questions things for both versions of ira bc like. why wouldnt i. first answer is 1976 58y/o rhodesian ira, second answer is 201x 16y/o houstonian ira. i just wanted to figure out how different they really are. questions from here. if readmores still dont work on mobile im sorry lmao

what are some things they have strong opinions about?

he has sort of a cioranian attitude to the value of life, like, hes one of them “theres always reason to kill a man, theres no way to justify his living” types. he doesnt believe in nationalism per se but he does believe in war, hes literally a mercenary, and hed probably get along just fine with someone like mike hoare, but hes not one for unnecessary cruelty. hes kind to who he considers innocent. if he was alive today i can see him getting grouped w/ like, anti-natalists, right-wing “primitivists,” people who browse /fo/, people who think theyll thrive in the post-apocalypse even though they cant even spin yarn, people who dont understand fallout, you know, those types, but i like to think his attitude wrt civ is closer to perlmans or, well, mine. its a good thing he doesnt live in internet times. he thinks technology makes people complacent and weak and hes fallen into the trap of the “noble savage” myth; sign of the times. he could just as easily live off the grid in like, alberta, but he chose to stay in southern africa bc of his colonial attitudes & fetishization of the “less developed.” (sidenote, if youre like, new here n reading this for some reason, yea i write like really really bad characters were talking irredeemably evil here, just like, know that im aware of that.) also he detests hippies for both bad and good reasons ⸻ not much, really, hes an opportunist, a hedonist, hes selfish, goes w/ the flow. he thinks denying yourself pleasure for no reason is microfascism — not in those words — and while he doesnt think that selfishness leads to a bettering of overall society, hes no randian, he feels justified in what he does. hes uh, a mercenary in spirit and ive always intended to have him join the marines n later work for a pmc but were nowhere near there yet

what traits do they like in other people? what traits do they not like?

he likes people (men, that is) that are exactly like him. he likes Narrator bc hes just as quiet, as patient, as stubborn, as antisocial (using that the right way here, i like, know about psychology), as violent, as old-timey-ly masculine as he is. he can tolerate clade (his former accountant) bc she keeps to herself and shes loyal to a fault, but he doesnt go out of his way to like, actually talk to her. he likes will bc he reminds him of what he was like as a child living with his matabele mother. ⸻ he hates everything he perceives as weakness, but hes not all that open about that, i think hes not even 100% aware thats what it is. he needs to be talked back to. he lacks compassion, doesnt know how to deal w/ anyone whos less resilient and abrasive than himself.

do they have a significant other? if so, who?

i mean, theres Narrator — thats kinda what this whole thing is about. but theyll never think of each other that way. its complicated. theyre uh… closer to being marlow and kurtz than to being boyfriends. idk how to explain it. its bad. ⸻ hes fake-dating millah for appearances and secretly seeing jack, im not sure about the details either so im not getting into that, but hes eventually gonna meet will; ive written their first encounter like ten different ways and i still dont really know what i wanna do w/ them........ also Complicated

whats their friend group like? what role do they play (leader, mom friend, etc.)?

he lives in a hut he built w/ his bare hands on the edge of the kalahari. his friends are one horse and one vaalboskat. ⸻ he uses his friends but they use him too. hes reasonably popular bc hes athletic n wealthy, but i think the only one of his friends who really truly sees thru his act is millah, and bc he doesnt take her seriously as a threat, she has more control over him than he realizes.

do they care about their physical appearance? whats their routine like?

nah ⸻ not really. he showers too often and his hairs kinda dry but other than that hes like. Normal. idk i dont care about these things

do they have any physical or mental disabilities?

i dont think so ⸻ he has adhd

what would they die for? kill for?

oh hes not picky. he joined the military at 17, hes made peace w/ the prospect of dying. hes been more uncomfortable w/ the thought of growing old, actually. and again, hes literally a mercenary. not a big deal to him. ⸻ i dont think hes selfless enough to die for anyone. hed kill to protect the people he cares about, but thats more just bc hes possessive. im sure thats gonna come up eventually. i cant really write shit w/o weaving murder in somewhere.

do they have any magical powers or abilities? if its a realistic world, what religion do they follow?

absolutely the fuck not i hate magic. hes not religious, actually feels a little intimidated by religion. in one version of his story he spends his 50s on east nusa tenggara where he doesnt live far from a church, and he makes peace w/ the concept of god thanks to the influence of catholic-raised Narrator, but i doubt hell ever actually step foot into a church, or temple, or mosque, or what-have-you. hes internalized some things during his upbringing though that he doesnt classify as religious. little superstitions. he likes to keep objects that may be used for divination around his house, but he never touches them. ⸻ not religious, but if he had to pick, like to pretend, hed say baptist.

do they celebrate any holidays? how do they celebrate?

nah ⸻ like, the regular american ones. hell welcome any excuse to drink and to socialize, and id say his favorite holiday is the 4th of july, really just bc he likes warm weather and theres not a lot else you can celebrate in the middle of summer. hes not attached to the significance of any holidays. hes not crazy about christmas but he likes his family well enough and hell go along w/ it all, just to have sth to do. hes not good w/ time off.

if they were the protagonist in any book series, what series would they choose? alternatively: what would be their favorite book?

he doesnt really read but hed feel right at home inside heart of darkness or maybe the thin red line. or maybe sth by mccarthy ⸻ hes 16 he hasnt read jack shit. i wanna say deleuze would probably resonate w/ him bc hes a total self-insert but i really dont know. i try to keep the intertextuality way low bc i hate that shit in most fiction, so like, i try not to think too much about other books here

do they have any vices?

uh he drinks and he occasionally smokes opium but compared to most of my characters hes pretty okay wrt that ⸻ yea like… all of them. already said hes a hedonist make of that what u will

do they play any instruments?

nope ⸻ violin but he hasnt been practicing a lot lately

what would their favorite ride at an amusement park be?

hes never been to one ⸻ i feel like hed be into sth really lame… like you know that video by jenny nicholson, top ten lame things to do at disney world? sth like that. like hed go just to get a specific food item or to admire the infrastructure

what animal would they say best represents them?

hyena 100%. the spotted kind. id say tortoise also but hed find that insulting ⸻ id say hyena but hed be reluctant to answer that bc hes a Youth and he knows what a furry is

how do they act when theyre drunk?

vulnerable. little more talkative. he talks to himself (or the cat, rather) sometimes ⸻ more abrasive/tactless/impulsive. he talks w/ his whole body and feels like moving/running bc, again, self-insert

which era of history would they most like to live in?

the old west, like early to mid-19th century, maybe late 18th. that or like the really olden days, like mid-paleolithic ⸻ idk maybe like ten or twenty years earlier. i think he fits the 21st century pretty well. hes a curious person though and if he had a time machine hed go Everywhere at least once

whats their favorite food?

ah thats. complicated actually i have a whole list of foods that remind me of Narrator but ive never gotten around to making one for ira. hm. he likes poultry, like ostrich. white fish. dry/salty foods. sour fruit. breadfruit. fatty dark meats, blood sausage. hes not picky though, hell live on pap and water if he has to. ⸻ i genuinely dont know. im not used to the contemporary western setting yet like… pop tarts exist in the same world as he does and im not comfortable w/ that yet. like, branded food articles wrapped in plastic. thats so weird to me. i guess he likes (american) pizza w/ greens on it, like spinach? and seafood. sour candies, maybe, i dont think he has much of a sweet tooth. he puts salt n butter on potatoes and cottage cheese on pancakes.

what songs remind you of them?

conveniently theres a whole playlist rite here

whats their favorite season and why?

dry season. he doesnt like cloudy/foggy weather bc it makes him feel trapped when he cant see as far. ⸻ summer. i honest to god think people liking cold weather is a conspiracy like im not sure thats even biologically possible. like summer is the obvious answer here

which d&d class would they play as?

nah we dont do nerd shit round these parts

whats their favorite expletive?

he like, barely talks ⸻ nothin weird thats for sure, we campaign for simple straight-forward language in this house. having a Favorite is inherently at odds w/ that. bad question

whats their favorite candle scent?

no scented candles in the desert ⸻ sth fruity but not sweet, like mixed berries, sth red or purple

how do they feel about death?

he doesnt ⸻ hed feel cheated by life if he died young. he has a lot to see and do and itd like, bum him out not to get to do that but hes not afraid of death

do they collect anything? whats their most prized possession?

he lives pretty austerely but he does keep little rocks and gems and bones and pieces of wood n such. also coins from all the countries hes been to bc hes a simple old man. i wanna say his most prized possession is his hogs tooth bc he does value the marines a lot still. its where he first met Narrator :-) ⸻ he really appreciates gifts people give him, things that remind him of people. jack carved him an eagle once

do they play any sports?

no ⸻ nothing too organized. i dont think hes on any school teams bc idk if he has the time but that might change. he does run/hunt/fish/shoot

what one place do they really want to visit and why?

he likes deserts, wide open spaces. hes been to the kalahari n namib but not the gobi/sahara/simpson etc, so, those. no ice deserts though those scare him ⸻ polynesia/southeast asia, just tropical places in general. bc theyre nice what do you want me to tell you. tropics good

what languages do they speak?

northern ndebele, afrikaans, english (w/ various influences), some vietnamese ⸻ english, some cajun french, some spanish

what are some items they always carry? what weapon do they favor using if they exist in a world where weapons are necessary?

hes got his fal obviously and he does always carry a knife, just to be safe. more out of habit than actual necessity (not to imply rural areas were safe in the late 70s, but he lives in the literal wilderness, hes not much of a target. stays away from roads and all that.) ⸻ man hes really not as classy as i want him to be :/ he probably has like, a glock 17 w/ ten thousand pointless modifications n some uglyass stipling pattern. hes a little bit paranoid + irresponsible n carries all kinds of shit he doesnt need, mostly way too much cash

which emoji would they use the most?

no ⸻ he doesnt have a phone, hell maybe use a burner if he has to. this is an anti-phone household

what fantasy race would they be? if they already are one, pick a different one.

absolutely not

do they want to start a family? if they already have one, describe it.

no ⸻ no

what stereotypical high school clique would they fit into?

hed swing between the jrotc kids n the stoners honestly, but still mostly keep to himself ⸻ hes like, too much of a jock for the Delinquents, too much of a Delinquent for the jocks. hes really only popular bc hes rich-ish n blessed w/ good looks, and by association w/ millah

whats one thing that they dont need do they waste the most money on?

he doesnt ⸻ everything. hes really wasteful. he buys more food than he can eat, clothes he never wears, etc etc, hes terrible

what kind of shoes do they wear?

combat boots or just traditional sandals. the terrain around his house is mostly grass and flat boulders so he goes barefoot a lot ⸻ regular tennis shoes, nothin too fashionable bc he cant be bothered to keep up w/ trends, but usually clean n new. hiking boots when hes not w/ his regular friend group

do they believe in ghosts, aliens, and the occult in general?

really dont like how aliens are always grouped in w/ esoteric shit bc like, thats like asking if you believe in atoms honestly. no shit “aliens” exist thats like not up for debate. both iræ would agree w/ me here. 70s ira doesnt believe in like, Ghosts per se, but he has some vague concept of spirits that he got from his mother. he sees/feels them when hes half asleep. ⸻ 2010s ira doesnt believe in jack shit

which deadly sin do they most correspond to? which heavenly virtue?

nooo cardinal sins dont work that way theyre not hogwarts houses. its so much more complicated than that thats impossible

if you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, what would it be?

hmmm four of swords? knight of coins? eight of cups? this is hard ⸻ seven of swords? nine of cups? the devil? i dont know

what do they consider to be their best quality? what actually is their best quality?

his strength, which is really just his callousness and lack of convictions. and uh. i guess his independence ⸻ same here for the first part. and. maybe his loyalty? i dont consider loyalty a good thing personally idk

what do they consider to be their worst quality? what actually is their worst quality?

his lack of social skills maybe? he doesnt need them too often of course but like, the first time Narrator showed up at his doorstep he was genuinely nervous and that did fill him w/ some semblance of shame and in his eyes he should be good at everything, so like. that. really its his lack of conviction and his timidness/avoidance of the world ⸻ his dependence on others/lack of discipline. really its his lack of compassion, like, obviously

#ira #ricky pwease come online

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minijenn · 7 years ago

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Mystical Mystery Kids AU

In yet another bout of excellence over on the UF Discord we have created yet another really neat AU, one that I happen to enjoy quite a bit because it has le angst in it ahahaha (plus design wise it has a lot of really awesome potential) So yeah, have a bunch of headcanons we’ve come up with (plus some original ones of my own) under the cut!

So the backstory of this AU actually starts a waaaaaaay long time ago, back in the days of ancient Egypt. So we got our Mystery kids but they’re of course Egyptian but they still like go solve mysteries and hang out and whatever (idk this part is the part I don’t generally find as interesting as the present day of this AU)

So one day the kids are wandering around or whatever and they discover the truth that Bill (who, as we know from... some extra canon stuff idk) basically had the ancient Egyptians build the pyramids as monuments to him or whatever) is actually a geometric bastard who wants the world for himself

So the kids are all set to expose the truth to everyone but then Bill himself shows up and decides to silence the kids by cursing them, turning them each into a different kind of mythological monster

So in this we have Gem-corrupted (but still sorta sentient) rose monster Steven, dragon Dipper, Pegasus Mabel, and roc Connie

So yeah these kids are pretty much screwed because there’s no way to undo the curse (cause Bill is an ass) and they kinda can’t really hang about in human society anymore so they all just flee and go off on their own and stick together as they wander around, eternally stuck in their monstrous forms (they basically have unlimited life spans, but they can be killed (which will come into play later on)

And eventually these kids find their way to Gravity Falls, which is where all of the weird things usually tend to congregate, and that’s where they settle down

Now of course the Gems were around back in the day so they’re completely distraught about what happened to the kids, but Garnet I guess, has a vision that they’ll all eventually meet again someday in this place called Gravity Falls, so they decide to move there and play the waiting game, hoping that they can see Steven again someday

Now flash forward to the modernish era and the Mystery Kids get... uh... offed; basically they all die, probably in roughly the same way

BUT because the curse thing Bill put on them is sorta like this eternal thing, upon their deaths, the kids actually reincarnate into the modern Mystery Kids we all know and love

Now at first, these kids are all born human and normal and such, but as they grow up they gradually start to transform into the monsters they used to be (and they gradually start gaining memories of their past lives too)

So let’s break it down into how it goes for each one of the kids (and I’m kinda gonna be doing some copy pasting from Discord here so bear with me)

So Steven; he’s not part Gem anymore, at least not apparently; but the Gems happen to find him with no parents around and they realize he’s basically identical to their old Steven they lost centuries ago, so of course they decide to take him in and basically raise him

However, he gradually turns back into that corrupted rose monster over the years and to quote @7-galaxys here (cause she came up with some really good ideas for this AU): “ OK so for Steven, there ain't no flower shops in Gravity Falls or Beach City, but the CG often portal to different places and whenever Steven comes along and finds Roses, he keeps them. He's got an uncanny ability to care for roses, so even starts his own rose garden. (Yet, as soon as the gems gave him seeds for other flowers, Steven couldn't care for them nearly as well and it always frustrates him) He's always got this distinct smell of roses about him, and really likes the color pink. He's usually calm, but small things will set him off (like when he's scared or hurt). Lots of people noticed he acts in an almost animal way, but everyone just chalked it up to HIS weird and mysterious past (showed up outta nowhere with 3 aliens- definitely not normal) that's also a bit pinkish. At one point, en STEVEN'S 12 or something, he noticed that some rose petals stuck to his skin. When he tried pulling them off, they refused to budge. When they finally did come off, he felt paint and was bleeding...thankfully they fell off on their own, but Steven started wearing sweaters after that to hide his new, strange skin. If they're on his hair though, he'll leave am cause he like an there and no one really questions it. Weird kid=weird habits”

So yeah, like I said, gradual transformations over the course of several years that even the kids themselves are sorta baffled by

Now for Connie, her and her family have always lived in Gravity Falls; however as she started to turn back into a roc (which is like this huge eagle-like bird if you don’t know), her parents kinda keep her inside a lot because they don’t want people to freak out over their half-bird daughter

And, quoting Galaxies again: “Connie was always ridiculously light, even when she was born; her parents worried she wasn't the right weight, but everyone was surprised when she survived to infancy. Her X-rays how ARE always really weird (Connie was born with kinda hollow bones) but NO one figured out why. She was always so interested with birds, and I guess in this AU, is a needs glasses because her pre-roc vision and her now human vision were colliding a lot, which made it difficult to see. When she was about 8, she began to grow feathers, and thats when her parents didn't let her go outside anymore. Connie's nose began to grow kinda weird, and sometimes her skin kinda had scales like how talons did? It was weird. One time, on a school field trip before her shut in, she was visiting the aviary habitat where birds fly around, yeah? And when she whistled (only she knew how to whistle out of the whole grade- she claimed no one taught her tho) all the birds flocked to her area, or at least most of them. One of them perched on her head and she stayed in the habitat the whole day.”

Now for the twins, they’re still born in California and again, seems like they’re all right and normal at first, but gradually Dipper starts turning back into a dragon (a tiny lil one) and Mabel turns back into a Pegasus

Galaxies, once more, weighs in: “Dipper's skin occasionally gets really tough and one time, he touched the stove while there was FIRE and it was hot AF but there wasn't a burn, Mabel always had a strong connection with horses and loved the idea of pegasai (But would sometimes point out that they looked....wrong somehow and she could never say how) and the twins always felt like they couldn't always communicate with people and DIPPER FUCKING LOVES REPTILES and Mabel always had this crazy endurance and a ridiculously fast metabolism and Dipper gets fangs and will sometimes growl”

So yeah of course the Pines parents don’t really know how to handle their kids’ alarming transformations, so they kinda panic and send them up to live with Stan in Gravity Falls (when they’re like, idk maybe 8 or 9) because apparently all sorts of weird shit happens up there, so they’ll probably be safe there, right?

So Stan takes them in and he finds their transformations to be pretty weird yea, but he’s supportive and comforting because well, Stan is the best

So the kids meet each other about the same time they do in UF and they all quickly bond because by that point they’re just about all fully monsters (I’d say the transformation would basically be complete around the time their past lives got cursed, which would be when they were 12/13 whatever)

So yeah through meeting each other that awakens even more past live memories and the kids eventually remember their former bond and that only brings them even closer together (the Gems are baffled but delighted by the way to see the kids again, even if they are still monsters)

Also, being a dragon Dipper FUCKING HORDES A LOT OF RANDOM STUFF and it drives Mabel crazy (Stan and Amethyst use Dipper as a regular advantage on their revenge trips tho cause he’s got such an apparent knack for stealing lol)

As for more extemporaneous stuff, when Dipper, Mabel, and Connie all grow their wings it HURTS like hell for all of them, poor kiddos (a lot of this transformation stuff would likely hurt them cause ya know, they spend years turning from humans into literal monsters)

Steven sometimes sheds his petals and they’re apparently very rare and highly valued for their healing properties

Steven’s also the only one of the MK who can’t fly but he compensates for that by being able to run very fast and jump very far

Despite being a dragon, like I said, Dipper’s a pretty small one, so he’d be the tiniest of the MK here (with Connie being the biggest cause ya know, giant bird)

Mabel still has a diet that consists of a lot of sugar (cause ya know, horses, sugar cubes lol), Steven’s pretty much an herbivore, while Dipper and Connie are both total carnivores

The kids kinda spend most of their time hanging out in the woods because they know they’ll probably be safe from humans being afraid of them out there (though they do trust Stan and the Gems of course)

Aaaaaaand that’s about all of the main things for this AU but idk its a nifty idea (I’ve already sketched up what dragon Dipper and beast Steven look like so I’ll probably finish those up one of these days and do designs for the girls as well)

Either way, as always, lemme know what ya think and if you got any HCs you’d like to add! Tbh this one is pretty neat (I love slow transformation situations) so I may write something for it in the future, idk its angsty but cute ^_^

#universe falls #au stuff #mystical mystery kids #jen rambles #ideas

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peachyhyvck · 7 years ago

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some of my favorite pics of mark lee

author's note: yes bitches, I'm back with another!! this one’s a tad bit different from the last, and its got almost double the amount of pictures,,, but I hope you still enjoy it, nonetheless! this pic set includes waayyy too many categories to list off so you're just gonna have to look through them and see for yourself! (’; sO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERe are,, my favorite pics of mark lee:

cute mark:

okay, but mark’s selfies are always so damn precious and they never fail to put a smile on my face

I LOOOVVEEEEE THIS PICTURE WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!! THE WAY HE GRADUALLY COVERS HIS FACE MAKES MY HEART MELT HOLY MOLY

everything about this picture is just perfect... his smile is so facking cute, and do you sEE THAT LIL DIMPLE???? ADORABLE.

I honestly don't know what the hell is going on in this picture, but his facial expression is so fucking cute that I'm squealing like a damn pig rn so,,,,

never mind - E V E R Y FACIAL EXPRESSION HE HAS IS JUST SO PRECIOUS AND I REALLY NEED TO FIND SOME NEW WORDS CAUSE IM JUST REPEATING MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN AT THIS POINT!!!

I remember watching this for the first time and,, I kid you the fuck not,, I actually threw my phone across the room

wow..... I've never been sO soft!! for someone in my entire life.......

these might just be my 2 favorite pictures of mark lee....?? I mean, I say that about every picture, but these 2??? utterly flawless.

candid mark

I looovveee his damn hair so so sooo much in these last 4 pictures and if sm fucks with it in any way, shape, or form,,, you best watch the fuck out........ (lmaoo this was before sm went and fried his hair aGAIN but tbh I expected nothing less from them,,,)

he looks so smol and innocent in this picture and I'm barely keeping my shit together!!!!

he looks like a motherfucking prince in these photos!!!!!!! I mean, am I right or am I right ??!?!?!!?!%@$^&

idk man I just really love his smile and it truly brings happiness to my poor, dysfunctional, bitter soul

these pictures are THE definition of ethereal!!!!!!

I'm gonna take a moment to interrupt the ““cute”” theme I've got goin on to insert this (?) gem because idk what the fuck he’s doin but it really made me laugh so I thought I'd share

I think I just heaved the biggest content sigh in history because I just really, really love mark lee

disrespectful mark

idk who gave mark permission to be this blatantly rude but it sure as hell wasn't me!!!!

alright I'm really gonna need him to stop because I feel all shaken up and I'm Not okay with this at all

props to the camera person for holding their composure cause I sure as hell would’ve dropped Dead under such an intense gaze

“mark” and “tough” don't really fit together all that well, but looking at this picture I'm absolutely, 100% positive he could beat the living shit out of me

I HATE THIS PICTURE WITH EVERY DAMN OUNCE OF MY BEING!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF TORMENT AND CHAOS THIS FUCKING PHOTO PUTS ME THROUGH??!??!!?!? IT IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF DISRESPECT AND I DEMAND THAT IT BE PUNISHABLE BY AT LEAST 5 MORE YEARS IN NCT DREAM!!!!!!

dunno what he’s doin but veins really fuck ya girl up and his arm in this photo is really testing me,,,,,,

he looks so good???? but like,, too good?????? idk. I disapprove. NEXT

these polaroids are both a blessing and a curse and the fans who got these are honestly the luckiest bitches on earth cause damn y’all really snatched yourselves a couple of winners!!!!

no no non no on Ono nono. what do you think you’re doing. stop it right now and put the fucking jacket back on!! and no more tank tops..... my heart can't handle such things........

honestly, I don't even know anymore..... I'm literally speechless......... I just don't know how its humanly possible to look That FUCking gOOD!!!! everything about this picture is messin with my head and he’s reaalllllyyyyy startin to test a bitch,,

boyfriend mark

well, damn. he’s really out here just servin us these boyfriend looks, isn’t he???

tbh it might just be because his back and chest look so Broad in these photos, but I'm pickin up some major boyfriend-ish vibes!!!

awww boyfriend mark impatiently watching the clock tick by as he counts down the minutes until he gets to see your beautiful face ((((’:;;::;

oh damn,, boyfriend mark waiting to pick you up outside your job :^]

can you just imagine walking next to mark and looking up to find him staring at you like this I'd funking DIE!!!!!

boyfie mark carrying your backpack for you as the two of you walk home from school together (((((((’’:

boyfriend mark staring at you from afar while another guy shamelessly flirts with you ;o

tbh this is how boyf mark would look whenever the two of you get into a pretty heated argument... expect the silent treatment and some intense glares

“oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! I'm late for our date!! gotta run, gotta run, gotta ru-”

shopping with boyfriend mark!!!!! (peep dat arm doe,,,,)

yeah, yeah. I know it’s just a picture of his back - but like... just picture yourself walking up to that and giving him the warmest, tightest, most affectionate backhug you could......... cause same

boyfriend mark goin to pick ya ass up while trying not to draw too much attention to himself,,, shhhh!!

pre-debut mark

okay but mark was the cutest damn child, and like,, that's a fact

LOOK AT THE INNOCENCE IN HIS EYES!!!!!!!

I just wanna tuck him into bed and read him some bedtime stories )))’:::

k I think we can all agree that mark’s mirror selfies are LEGENDARY. NEVER LET THESE DIE. EVER.

why does his outfit remind me of something justin bieber circa 2012 would wear lmao

don't come at me but like,, why do these 2 pics remind me of seventeen’s vernon......... i mean im jus sayin........

this picture? is so? precious??? caN I JUST SWADDLE HIM PLEASE??????

oh look!! this must’ve been right around the time when sm stopped allowing mark to get even the slightest bit of rest!!!

he looks like such a lil man here dear lord

the many hairstyles/colors throughout mark’s career

starting off with the 7th sense debut, we have marks.... questionable.... black, choppy, bangs-cut-too-short hairstyle!! it truly is one for the books....

moving onto fire truck era, sm kinda dropped a bomb on us with the multi-colored hair. but as crazy as orange and purple hair sounds (and kinda looks) mark actually pulled it off pretty damn well???

buT THEN IN THE MIDDLE OF PROMOTIONS THEY DECIDED TO DYE HIS WHOLE HEAD PURPLE AND BLESS US ALL!! like, I have a hard time picturing mark with extremely bright and extravagant hair colors (like hyuck or chenle) but lemme tell ya mark looked so damn good with the purple holy shit sm brinG THAT BACK!!!

and then at the end of promotions (obvs prepping mark’s hair for dreams debut) they decided his scalp hadn’t been through enough, so they bleached it and made him blonde (((’::::

dreams debut!!!!! whoop whoop!!!! they dyed mark’s hair a rose gold tinted color and honestly?? he looked hella good???? idk what I was saying earlier about not being able to see mark pull off bright and extravagent colors cause my boy absolutely slayed orange, purple AND pink!!!

now we come across the holy period that was mark’s dirty blonde hair during chewing gum promotions,,,, let’s all just take a moment of silence because of how damn Good this look was..... the color and the haircut itself were so fucking nice and tbfh i have a special place in my heart for this look

whelp..... here comes limitless!!! the BOP of the century, but also the fucking disaster of the millennium that was marks perm........... sm did my boy so dirty with this one..... as if his hair hadn't been through enough torture, they go and do THIS? sickening.

NOW WE’RE BACK ON OUR GOOD STREAK!! after the perm settled down a bit they finally realized that they needed to make up for their horrendous mistake, SO they put a lil pink in the mix and BAM!! we got our lil cotton candy baby (^=

and then the pink started to fade )))’:: leaving him with cute little pink tinted curls!!!! (((’::

MFAL (what an era.....) if im being completely honest, mark’s mfal hair is my religion. it’s not nearrlllyyy as poofy and untamed as it was before, and the little blonde curls really worked for him rip...

not to mention when they straightened it and we got our royal prince lookin ass mark lee!!!!

head shot pop,, cherry bomb was another holy era for marks hair. it had been sooo long since we’d seen dark haired mark that it pretty much threw the whole fandom into a frenzy when it happened.

tbfh his we young hair took a little while to grow on me. i’ve always loved the longer, shaggier bangs on mark, and the short bangs were giving me war flashbacks to t7s era,,,, and the shaved sides were so!!! different that idk. it just took me a while to adjust...

but I would later come to Love his we young hair because it eventually grew into this fucking beauty - which is also my faVORITE DAMN HAIRSTYLE ON THIS BOY,, HOLY SHIT!!! HIS HAIR JUST LOOKS SO PERFECT AND I JUST WANNA RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH IT AND PLAY WITH IT AGGHHJJHBPWUEB

**sigh** but then sm went and did what they always do and fucked with something that was already perfect ///: I mean, although i am pretty distraught over the loss of quite possibly the best hair style of his career, he does look mighty fine with the honey blond color so its all good (((;;

anD THEN!! THEY LITERALLY BLEW ALL OF US OUT OF THE DAMN WATER WITH THE FUCKING BRIGHT, STOP SIGN, TICKLE ME ELMO LOOKIN ASS RED!!!!!!!! NAAaahhhh I'm just playin :”)) i’ve said it so many times already, but he really can pull off just about any color and i must say, the red is really workin for him,, uh huh, uh huh, yes sir!!

the lil duck face pout

idk why he Always does this but it’s fucking hilarious and it never fails to crack me tf up

cute stage persona

LOOK AT THAT BIG ASS SMILE!!!!!!! THIS IS THE KINDA SHIT I LOVE TO SEE!!!!!!!!!! HE JUST LOOKS SO FLUFFY!!!!!!!!

y’all, i dont even know. he’s in the middle of dancing but he just looks so cute and squishy!! i had to include it

again... I have no words other than his smile is fucking. flawless.

I SHOULD BE CRINGING (AND TBH I KINDA AM) BUT HE’S SO DAMN PRECIOUS THAT I DON’T EVEN CARE!!!!!

I can totally picture in my head the dorky lil dance move he did along with that face to whoever was taking the picture and honestly,, I can’t help but smile

WHY DOES HE DO THIS?? DOES HE WANT ME TO SUFFER??? CAUSE HE’S LITERALLY MAKING MY INSIDES TURN TO MUSH!!!!!!

I have no clue what the hell he’s doing, but i could care less!!! i’m just gonna go with it!!!!!!!

omfg he’s like that one nerdy friend who tries to act all cool but just ends up embarrassing himself ((and looking hella cute while doing so)) gaAAHHhHHH

rude stage persona

mark is always facking adorable!! but the few times he decides to act all rude, he makes sure to have absolutely zero fucking mercy on us, and its Not fair!!

don’t give me that face istg imma smack the shit outta ya!!!!

he’s literally just rapping but i feel highly offended and i would appreciate a sincere apology

mark is smiling 95% of the time, but the other 5% that he’s not, he’s making faces like these^^ and im real fuckin tired of the blatent disregard for my feelings!!

I don't approve! I don't approve at all!!!! the look on his face is throwin me off and I'm confused!!!!!!

BOIII THIS MIGHT BE THE RUDEST FUCKIN PICTURE I’VE EVER SEEN AND I SHIT YOU NOT MY DAMN STOMACH JUST DROPPED!!!!!!! MY ALREADY WEAKENED HEART CAN’T HANDLE THIS KINDA SHIT, MAN!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO GO LIE DOWN,,,,,

HE’S GOT NICER ABS AND NICER UNDERWEAR THAN I DO, GOD DAMN!!!!

THE FUCKING SLEEVES ARE ROLLED UP - ABORT MISSION! I REPEAT, ABORT THE FUCKING MISSION!!!!!!!!

mark + hats = A Look I'm here for

first up, we got them bucket hats!!!! if ya ask me, mark can pull off almost any hat, and he kinda looks adorable in the bucket hats (especially with his blond curly mops fallin out of em!!!!)

now onto the snapbacks! a very typical look, yet he still looks breathtaking ((’::::

and now we’ve got the floppy hats (?) and tbh he kinda looks adorable in them???

AND WE’RE AT BEANIES ALSO KNOWN AS MY FAVORITE FUCKING HEADWEAR ON MARK LEE!!!!!! BOY CAN PULL OFF A BEANIE BETTER THAN I’VE EVER SEEN ANYONE DO IT EVER!!!!!!!!!

and finally we've got..... whatever the fuck this thing is lmao kinda reminds me of a chef hat but my boy still looks hecka fly so its gucci!!!!

BONUS: MARK IN A HEADBAND!! HEY SM, PLEASE DO THIS LOOK AGAIN!!!!!

BONUS BONUS: THE HOLY LOOK THAT IS MARK WEARING A BANDANA!! HEY SM, MAYBE BRING BACK THIS LOOK AS WELL, K THNKS!!!!!!!

idk, but I need to rant about it !!

not only is ya girl emo as helllllll because he successfully graduated high school despite his fucking insane schedule, (yeah,, I'm lookin at you sm... fight me), but these grad pics are the definition of heavenly !!!!!!!!

this boy video took me for all that I'm worth.... he just looked so? fucking? good??? like I wanna know who the fuck he thinks he is just lookin all fine and shit,,,

y’alls..... i honestly didnt even know which category to stick this beauty under because i was honestly just?? blown the absolute fuck away??? with the perfection of not only this photo, but the boy in the photo, as well??????? like,, the dark, shaggy hair along with that lil smirk are really doin some fucked up shit to ya girl and i just dont know anything anymore (((’=

not much to say about this one.... I just think he looks hella adorable crouched down into a lil ball ((’:

maRK MOTHERFUCKIN LEE HIDING BEHIND RANDOM ASS OBJECTS WHENEVER HE GETS EMBARRASSED MIGHT JUST BE MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING IN THIS UNIVERSE!!! IT MAKES ME WANNA HUG HIM TO DEATH AND NEVER LET GO!!!!!

first of all: no

second of all: No

third of all: the hell you think you lookin at?

last of all: N O

(like for real, who gave you the right to look all grown and shit?? cause I'd like to have a few words with them......)

and last, but certainly not least, we've got this golden picture of mark dressed like a middle aged, white, suburban dad.... do with it what you will (((’:::::

**all pic creds go to their rightful owners

#y'all don't even know how fucking long this took me to make #I just kept getting distracted #but can ya really blame a bitch??#I mean cmon #mark lee #nct mark #nct mark lee #lee minhyung #nct minhyung #nct lee minhyung #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #nct text posts #nct reactions #nct scenarios #nct imagines

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chromemuffin · 7 years ago

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Quan Zhi Gao Shou / The King’s Avatar Manhua (Chapters 6-10)

Onto the next five chapters! Thank you to everyone who read my weird ramblings in the first part!

There will probably be some overlap between this liveblog and my liveblog of the novel, but I’ll try to minimize it.

Chapter 6: Thief Shouting Thief

How nice of you to offer to help dry clean his coat, Chen Guo!

xD Ye Xiu’s “Oh...” reaction.

Ah, so he actually said this through audio. I couldn’t tell when I read this part in the novel. That makes it funnier, him saying it with that flat expression. And Sleeping Moon’s “Hello my ASS” comment haha.

Decided to live up to that ‘shameless’ label, I see. The funny thing about this being in-game is that you can have that comedic moment of Sleeping Moon pointing up at the banner and have it not be a sort of fourth wall thing you’re supposed to ignore for the sake of the story. Like, the notification can actually be on screen here.

Did you not learn your lesson, like you really think you can screw him over, haha.

The names aren’t as fun this time around, though: Drifting Water, Sunset Clouds, Seven Fields. I think these guys have more experience than the previous party though, so perhaps that is meant to reflect that.

lol this time, no one is fooled. I love the chibis. Everyone’s expressions are really great throughout this thing, actually.

Actually it’d be better to say: use him for hard labor, then kick him out.

I LOVE THE HONESTY. AND THE IRONY.

You actually made your in-game avatar yawn. I know it’s a first person game and this is technically just an expression of the characters in real life for the benefit of the readers, but.

There was no way to represent the hilarity of these panels without screenshotting them all. Their progression through the cave, each expression changing with each panel, the little “being careful” vs. “vigorous strides”. I love how they’re so on edge, and Ye Xiu is looking bored. And Sleeping Moon looks like a scary imp.

I need to make icons of all the funny expressions made in this manhua or something.

lol after their wild theorizing on how he could be that good or pull off those combos, they then go “you know what, we shouldn’t piss this guy off” to being in awe of his skill.

Chapter 7: A Showdown in Spider Cave

T-the little chibi characters trying to climb up giant Lord Grim...it’s so cute.

LITTLE MOON MOON. I actually remember this from the animation, but it’s still hilarious.

AH. It’s Blue Brook Guild’s arrival on scene...They’re half the reason I got so confused with all the names in the first place. Their names all follow a theme and they’re too similar urgh. Ok. I’ll get it straight this time.

Pretty boy here is Blue River, yes?

Lol, DRAMATIC FIRST KILL CLAIMING SHOT--

Oh, never mind someone beat you to it!

lol someone who’s not freaking out about it right this moment. I liked Blue River in the animation, he was a fun character.

Chapter 8: Seizing first kill by ten seconds’ lead

They needed 11 ellipses for the silence that befell them after they were done killing the boss.

And back with the ragtag team with Lord Grim...they’re singing his praises up the wall.

Poor Little Moon Moon. Why do I keep screencapping him? His super dejected expressions are gold, that’s why.

He’s a far cry from his confident, smug first appearance:

remember when he had some class?? xD

Ah, I remember when everyone started calling him Little Moon Moon too xD I love how no one even listens when he threatens them to stop calling him that.

We’re all adults here. Don’t be childish. It’s just a game. Don’t let this upset you.

words of wisdom to live by. too bad a lot of people are so horrible at this irl.

Blue River’s manhua version is so pretty...I have a weakness for bishounen characters, ok. Even if he’s currently just a character in a game and I don’t know what his real life character looks like.

OH GOD. it’s the nice ones that snap first.

I wish they would decide whether they want to censor curse words or not...I’m not going crazy, am I? It was spelled out some chapters ago.

CHEN GUO. “You don’t want to live anymore!?” She went to sleep, got up in the morning when it’s nice and sunny, and he’s still playing...Furthermore, he’s teamed up with the guy who trash talked him and everyone is willingly giving up drops to him. No wonder she’s bewildered.

I mean, it’s stopped absolutely no one before, but yes he has a point.

“You not only transformed your foes, you made them your followers as well!?”

The madness and shenanigans of the 10th server are just beginning.

What a handsome Ye Xiu. You do not look like you pulled an all-nighter. You should be dead on your feet.

But aww, Chen Guo fixed up the spare room for him. She did feel bad about it earlier, I remember from the novel.

Uh, is he taking his shirt off to sleep in the middle of winter...? he didn’t bring a change of clothes or anything either.

Chapter 9: I was exiled to to the Qin Mountains in the autumn wind

What’s with the chapter title this time around? I think I’m missing so many references here.

The press conference and announcement of Ye Qiu’s retirement was a strong moment in the animation, and it’s presented nicely here as well. The look on Ye Xiu’s face is particularly painful, as he stands alone in the back of the room essentially watching the last 7 years of his life summed up on screen.

As well as Chen Guo being absolutely devastated that her idol retired. Haha, he’s still coming out right and telling her his identity, but she doesn’t believe him.

The irony in asking if he wants tissues to cry over Ye Qiu’s retirement, and he says “Why would I? How could I ever cry?” when he really has the most cause to cry out of anyone at that moment.

For someone who was never into publicity and stuff, he has a suuper charismatic smile apparently. Look at that thing.

omg yeah I remember now, Sleeping Moon being a fan of Ye Qiu and depressed that he retired. Must be so awkward for Ye Xiu.

Speaking of awkward, he feels awkward having to keep relying on the others, in his words ‘free labor’ lol. I don’t think his feelings were so clear in the animation.

Wow, these skeletons are well-drawn. And wonderfully gross.

Chapter 10: At the blue bridge, you returned to Changan with the spring snow

Had to take this page directly, I wanted to get a better look at all the character designs. Aaah, I really love the designs. All the little details~

Ooh, so this is where the manhua works in its explanation of the weapon types. Nice little graphics to go with it too.

Was this the best image to pick to go along with the idea of ‘professional research facility to create silver weapons’...?

So Blue River is Blue Bridge Spring Snow, but in the 10th server. Thaaat’s not confusing at all. (his name is a reference to the chapter title which is a line from a poem, right?)

T-the Cleric’s name is Bound Boat...

I didn’t recognize her at first either. HAHA Ye Xiu was also surprised.

I do like Chen Guo’s explanation why she doesn’t think Ye Qiu should retire, she’s quite perceptive and analytical. Even though this is her idol, she sees that his performance hasn’t been good and that was probably why Excellent Era used him as a scapegoat over the years (apparently more than once).

Once again, the designs are so nice. And we get a little sneak peek of the real people behind the characters.

lol Ye Xiu not listening to Chen Guo at all. SHE WAS ONTO SOMETHING, TOO.

“But that machine’s the server!” “I’m the boss.” hehe Chen Guo is too much.

“I forgot to read the guide.”

oh no. so much for mr. textbook player.

← back・onward →

#quan zhi gao shou #king's avatar blogging #qzgs manhua blogging

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bookcoversalt · 7 years ago

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I Fixed it For You: Dark of the West

So this cover was sent to me by multiple people when it was revealed five days ago, on account of it being terrible, but in terms of stuff we cover on this blog, I consider it kind of unique case. It’s bad but it’s not garishly so; it’s fairly, though not entirely, Technically competent, with a straightforward hierarchy, no weird spacing, and photographs that are attractive and highly edited but not too artificial-looking, taken on their own. But all of the individual choices here contradict each other and are executed in a bizzare pastiche of moods, eras, and imagery that is super, super not working together, especially not when we consider the contents of the book. So before we get into my version, we have to like. Break this down. And we’re gonna use numbers.

OVERALL CONCEPT/ COMPOSITION: 2/10

This is a fantasy world war II book. That is extremely marketable. Also it is the year of our lord 2017 and we are gripped by tracked-out type and object covers. Yet this book decides to go with a GIRL IN PROM DRESS RUNNING AWAY FROM SOMETHING AND ALSO NOT LOOKING AT YOU cover like it's 2011, nary a narrative element in sight except the pathetic attempt at planes in the distance that we'll get to in a second. Why??? Did this happen ?????

I want to be clear that I don't hate GIRL IN PROM DRESS covers on principle. They were extremely popular for a while and thus there are many, many examples of them being done badly, and yes, they tend towards the generic, often sort of a cheap bid for visual Romance with minimal reflection of the story itself, BUT ALL THAT SAID, there's a reason they're appealing, and when done well they promise a specific sort of female protagonist oriented drama with a Sexy, often Dark aesthetic. And if you know me, you know I'm all about that. But WHY in the world would you not SELL THE FUCK out of your extremely marketable premise here? WWII planes attacking a fantasy castle is the important imagery, not a generic princess and the twenty-odd miles of wildly unthreatening landscape that stand between us and being interested in this book.

But even if, for some crazy reason, the princess really was the only viable central image for this book, this composition is still stiff and dull. A small lone central figure, paired with oversimplified type and nothing else with any visual weight to speak of, is super fucking boring; there’s also something a little weird about how far inwards everything sits, like it’s afraid of being cropped off?

If I had to say something nice about it overall, there’s a very dreamy, unreal feeling to it-- but not only is it ruined by the type (which I’ll get into) but it feels inappropriate. I want drama from this cover, not dreaminess.

GIRL IN PROM DRESS: 3/10

So setting aside the fact that I take issue with its very presence/ centrality, the image is well-edited, but loses big points for the costume, which looks like something I could pull off a Macy's juniors formalwear rack right this fucking second instead of, i don't know, SOMETHING ANALOGUE 1940S AS IF TO REPRESENT SOMETHING FROM THE CONTENTS OF THE BOOK. I'd forgive it if the dress was at least romantic or super pretty and thus contributing to tone, but it's not; the color isn't complimenting anything else on the cover and the style is more anachronistically modern than anything else.

Points are also lost for the weird contradictory lighting on her-- the backlight on the skirt is TECHNCIALLY correct or close enough to it, since we can see the sun there on her far left, but it's so bright on the bottom half of the dress that it's super distracting, and feels incongruous with the lighting in her face. And that's an easy fix? Just trim the image a little and cut off the tulle? She's clearly not actually embedded in the background. We also know this because of her 40% opacity feet, which, lol:

Also, someone was clearly like ROYALTY IS HOT WE NEED TO GET A CROWN IN THERE so it's... just chillin? I'm not at all against metaphorical imagery or crowns in general, but compositionally it looks silly and tacked-on.

WWII PLANES: 0/10

YOU DIDN'T TRY AT ALL.

I’M LITERALLY SO EMBARRASSED FOR THIS COVER RIGHT NOW.

PASTORAL LANDSCAPE WITH CASTLE: 5/10

There's nothing wrong with this landscape except some overenthusiastic correction of of the dark values, presumably so it doesn't compete with the girl for attention. This just backfires and makes it overwhelmingly clear that the girl has been pasted on top of it, and turns the potential visual drama of a cloudy sunset into a sort of vague murky pastel thing that makes me want to take a nap. Other than that, this would look lovely on some other less terrible book cover.

TITLE TYPOGRAPHY: 2/10

When I said this cover is mostly Technically competent, this (and the planes) is the exception. This is the saddest attempt at grunge texture I've ever seen in my life. It's so depressing I want to start a nonprofit for it. Please attend my charity gala so that this poor plain type can afford to look properly distressed and not like someone blotted a dishwater-soaked tissue on the corners.

But regardless of the texture, heavy photomanips in particular need a strong typographic hand to tie them together tonally, so it is a massive disappointment to have such WILDLY generic letterforms taking up HALF OF THE COVER. It literally looks like a mockup, a quick comp just to demonstrate the idea to the creative director and you'll actually go back and use a REAL font and REAL grunge effects later, but oops, you forgot to edit it before it went to the printer. Also, what's with that color? If you want it to look gold, use a metallic effect or a texture. This is just ORANGE. At least it could have been the red of the dress and then something would have worked together?????

Additional Design Elements: 4/10

Inoffensive but WEAK use of Flourishes and dividing lines. Author name sitting on a weird place on the girl; why the choice not to nudge it down to hide the weird foot I called out earlier?

Overall median score: Bad, needed fixing.

Now we can talk about my design.

I don’t want to make this post much longer, so I won’t go too in depth in defending it, but it’s not immune to the inherent cheesiness of vast photomanip landscapes. That said, I went a lot Deeper than I generally do for fixes because I knew that somewhere, deep down, was a good composition waiting to be unearthed, and i totally think it was worth the effort.

Focus is split almost equally between FLEEING (?) PRINCESS and the planes attacking the castle, with vast differences in depth generating interest and the overall composition sloping upwards, creating energy and a sense of action. The type had to be something heavy and solid enough to carry a grown-ass grunge texture (because i was determined to show how it should be done), but whimsical enough to keep us within the realm of princessey fantasy, and I added the floruishes on either side to that effect too. (the only Caveat to this redo is that I didn’t intentionally do away with the idea of the girl in a pricess dress, I just couldn’t find any images that worked, and this girl’s grungey jacket ends up suiting the mood, so.)

And I made it, uh, Dark. Because it’s in the title. it just seemed obvious.

Moral of the story: don’t forget the full potential of your type, lean into the inherent artificial nature of photomanip landscapes to max out your composition, and for fuck’s sake, don’t use pixellated planes.

If you like what I do on bookcoversalt, consider buying me a coffee?

#bookcoversalt #book cover design #graphic design #critique #Ko-Fi

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spideyxchelle · 7 years ago

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So not sure if ur actually doing headcanons but I want one where MJ is Midtowns BAMF. Like she gets arrested in protests and punches Nazis in the face and she ain't got time to do makeup and dress pretty because she's raising money to get young black girls through school. Like, she's the real life superhero and Peter is the romantic interest, but also she's incredible smart and help Pete with issues in his suit not even Tony Stark figures out. Just badass MJ

MJ is bamf, okay?? like, we only get maybe (and I’m being generous here) 10 minutes of her in the whole movie but I know and you know and we all know that she is the most boss-ass bitch at Midtown. LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT IT-

so MJ in middle school was crazy popular

she was the girl™ and pretty much everybody (girls, boys) had their first crushes on her. she was pretty, smart and admittedly a bit of a conformist….so everything that was cool was what MJ did and no one was better at being popular than MJ…

then, in 2013 George Zimmerman is acquitted for the murder Trayvon Martin and MJ isn’t interested conforming anymore. BECAUSE BLACK LIVES MATTER and she’s a black woman and the system she’s been conforming to, the system that makes her “popular”, isn’t a system that supports her and her culture and just like that MJ is Queen’s resident intersectional feminist

she stops wearing makeup (not because makeup inherently is anti-feminist but because she only wore it to fit in and that’s some bullshit) and wears clothes that her grandmother wore to Civil Rights marches in the 1960s and she feels, for the first time, like herself

and she stops being social because not because she’s an asshole and doesn’t like people but because she has SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON, OKAY?! she spent years not fighting for her rights and the rights of all women and the right of LGBTQ+ people and sexual assault survivors/victims and every minority group ever. and she needs to know. she needs to learn. and she needs to do it now.

their entire freshman year of high school people still flock to MJ because she’s MJ and she’s amazing. and even though, basically overnight, she’s dedicated her life to something beyond being popular in high school she’s still MJ. and, frankly, the fact that she’s a protest babe is fascinating to stupid fourteen year olds

MJ thinks its stupid. she doesn’t go to protests to be cute, okay??? its serious business because this country is some bullshit and systematic oppression isn’t going to be fought against in Washington so she’ll fight for it in the streets.

she marches in every march she can manage, from marches for science to planned parenthood to pride month to BLM to marches for immigration. EVERYTHING.

the first time she gets arrested its in the midst of Trump mania during the 2016 election season. a group of racists form downtown with their racist signs and their RACIST chants. and she joins the small coalition of people that protest their little racist hoedown. a guy with a stupid red hat calls her the n word and crudely tells her where she can put her “liberal mouth”

….

she absolutely decks him in the face AND EVERYTHING TURNS INTO A FULL ON BRAWL. and she gets arrested and is kept overnight. her brother bails her out first thing in the morning and when she asks what took him so long, he tells her that he’s been dealing with reporters outside their house all night because SOMEONE went viral.

that someone is MJ.

and she’s hella pleased.

when she gets to school that day everybody is looking at her like she is the most fabulous person to ever exist and while she doesn’t agree, she thinks Maxine Waters holds that title, it feels nice to be appreciated for something besides how “pretty” she is. for the first time she feels like her classmates see her beyond the #fade of protesting. they see how serious she is about changing the world, about making a difference.

and so sophomore year she starts going to parties. she, like, doesn’t interact with people much (again, she has a lot of reading to do) but she’s there. because midtown kids aren’t the shitty majority, they’re diverse and woke and kind of cool. eh. not as cool as her, tho.

MJ gets arrested a few more times (all for the greater good) and the myth of Michelle Jones only seems to grow at Midtown. like everybody has their version of crazy things MJ did. some of which are true, some of which aren’t. she low-key enjoys during lunch listening to people at surrounding tables talk about her like she’s a superhero.

“I heard MJ met Hillary Clinton and told her she’s too moderate” “well I heard she was at the Women’s March in DC and came up with the chant we reject the president elect” “well I heard she started working with the New York Philharmonic to bring their musicians into homeless shelters and prisons to give underprivileged people access to music” “well I heard she’s punched like fifteen Nazis”

and some of the rumors are true, some aren’t. but she never clarifies which are which. she sort of enjoys being more legend than teenager.

BUT THEN stuff at Midtown goes really weird. like her teammates almost die at decathlon in DC and Liz’s Dad gets arrested and she’s made team captain. and Peter Parker is definitely hiding something.

not that she cares because she’s got money to raise for young black girls’ education and charities to volunteer for that house homeless LGTBQ+ youth that were kicked out by their homophobic families

basically, she’s got better things to worry about then the fact that Peter Parker is definitely up to something

she finds out he’s a superhero completely by accident

she’s at a rally against Trump (which, honestly, feels like all she does lately because this orange cheeto is always doing something abysmal) and some a-hole tries to set off a bomb to attack the protesters. before he can hurt anybody, tho, SPIDER-MAN shows up and saves the day.

and Parker is such a moron he doesn’t even try and change his voice when he’s on the job. like, Parker…get better at your job, man. she KNOWS what his voice sounds like and Spider-man is definitely Peter.

the next day at school she sits by him and lunch and everyone in the cafeteria gets SILENT. because OMG WHY IS MICHELLE JONES sitting with Peter Parker? like, she’s a goddess and he’s kind of a loser. what’s happening????

she jots down a note and slides it to him. its simple. gets straight to the point- “I know you’re Spider-man” and Peter’s eyes to HILARIOUSLY big. like, he can’t even believe that she figured it out. but, uh, she’s way smarter than him so of course she did.

and, its weird, but they slowly become friends after she knows his secret. they do their homework together and Peter starts to go to marches with her. she doesn’t invite him, he just kind of shows up hoping to see her. and she SUPPOSES if she’s going to have a love interest (because, um, he may have super powers but she’s the one that’s going to change the world one day so he’s definitely her love interest) Peter isn’t a terrible one to have

he even gets her an audience with Tony Stark who she basically commands to throw some money at charities that need support right now in this weird dystopian Trump era of human existence

and after that meeting MJ gives Peter a hug. he seems sort of shell shocked and star struck but that’s not her problem

AND when Thanos appears and makes this whole weird world even worse Peter is called to action to help the Avengers punch their way to a diplomatic solution. but before he can ship out with the rest of the squad the tech in his suit goes haywire and MJ has to fix it because Tony Stark doesn’t know what happened and Peter sure as hell doesn’t. she spends the better part of the night getting him battle ready. and when the time comes for him to go and fight she doesn’t give him a kiss for good luck or hugs him and tells him to be safe. she simply tells him that she needs the world to be in one piece if she’s going to save it. and that he needs to go make sure she’s got a world to save.

so he does. he and his team defeat Thanos and two days after the end of the war, she’s back on the streets protesting against corruption. because the world didn’t stop spinning just because an alien invaded. no sir.

the first day of their senior year, Peter slides MJ a note and instead of revealing any kind of secret identities like the first time, its a question.

she looks up at him genuinely surprised. “you wanna go out with me?” she asks, “why?”

he gets flustered and manages to tell her what she already knew, “you’re like a freakin’ superhero. who wouldn’t want to go out with you?”

he gets a kiss for that comment. their first kiss. “yea, i’ll go out with you.”

“tonight?” he replies, almost too eager to sit still.

she rolls her eyes and turns back to her book about dysphoria in the trans community, “I’m going to a BLM march.” “i’ll go with you.”

and that’s their first date. their second is private dinner with the Obamas to thank the Avengers for saving the world. and when the former President asks who Michelle is Peter introduces her as “the girl who is going to save this country” and Obama smiles wide at her, shakes her hand and says sincerely, “well, its very nice to meet you”

#anon #asks #headcanon #headcanon ask #michelle jones #she is a badass #and i love everything about her #spideychelle

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