#ep: thirty-eight minutes

[the-pegasus-galaxy]

It doesn’t think on that level. It thinks about eating, that’s it. Well, you would know!

[sga-mcshep-4ever]

"It's gone." "What? I thought you said it was in a mountainside." "It was. We were inside it." "Let's move."

[greenygal]

Due South s1 recs, part 5:

Obviously there will be some overlap for the last three eps; I sorted the recs according to careful and considered judgment whatever seemed like a good idea.

Victoria's Secret, Part 1

Of all the things that hurt my heart about “Victoria’s Secret,” Fraser letting Ray down about the party is not least of them, and so I begin with Ray:

On a Cloth Untrue, with a Twisted Cue (Loose Affiliation, Part One), by spuffyduds (Fraser/Ray V, pre-slash)

Never again, by Silvina

Telling Stories, by Luzula (Fraser/Victoria)—Victoria tells herself stories about how else her life might have gone.

Come With Me, by Zabira (Fraser/Victoria)—In prison, Victoria remembers how it was at Fortitude Pass. Long, vivid, and painful.

Fade to White, by dance_across (Fraser/Victoria)—Victoria ties Fraser to his bed. Fraser isn’t saying no.

Safe, by ButterflyGhost (Fraser/Victoria)—Fraser is in her arms, and he can’t remember when he’s felt so safe.

***

Victoria's Secret, Part 2

Icebound Stream, by sisabet—A classic vid about the passion and violence of Fraser and Victoria’s relationship, also known as The One With The Polar Bears.

What Victoria did after Fraser fell and the train pulled away:

Five Minutes After, by Shayheyred

The Woman in Seat Thirty-Eight, by Melanie Mitchell

Invictus, by the_secret_history

When the Ice Cracks and You Fall Through, by Ride_Forever—I just love the imagery here.

Still Love, by xtricks (Fraser/Ray V, one-sided)—"He didn't even know who he was praying for. He was surprised the name of God didn't burn his mouth because if there were a damned soul walking tonight, it was him.”

Perfect, by Melanie M—Frannie slowly realizes that something is very wrong.

Alternate takes:

Dysmas, by MSSalieri—Fraser went with Victoria, and that’s all I will say.

Caroline's Vigil, by Gloria Lancaster—Fraser’s father gives him two visions of a world where he left. The vision of Ray has stuck with me for a long time.

Turns of Tempest, by Luzula (Fraser/Victoria)—Victoria puts aside her plan to betray Fraser. In the end, it doesn’t help.

Smeared, by belmanoir—An observation about fingerprints.

Welcome, by belmanoir—Fraser comes to the Vecchio house for the first time after VS.

Taken in Stride, by Brigantine—Short, but I am intrigued by the comparison of Ray’s parents’ marriage and Fraser’s relationship with Victoria.

She recited a poem, by gardnerhill—Sometime post-VS, Fraser’s been shot again, and as Ray works desperately to save him, the only poem he has is a prayer.

***

Letting Go

And Then Victory, by dance_across—Frannie sits with Fraser while he’s unconscious.

The Human Touch, by Voyagerbabe—A child in the hospital wants to know what happened to Fraser.

Gone, by spuffyduds—Ray hears from Victoria.

Letting Go, by MirrorMasque (Fraser/Ray V, one-sided)—There are things Ray won’t tell Fraser about what happened. Dark.

Longer Ray-POV looks at the aftermath of Victoria’s Secret and the events of Letting Go:

A Single Bullet, by crosscountry07

In Between Time, by sheron

Such a Pathetic Pair (Loose Affiliation, Part 2), by spuffyduds (Fraser/Ray V, pre-slash)

And that’s all! Thanks, everyone, it’s been fun sharing!

[kaitidid22]

Fanfic: What Ifs and If Onlys (Conrad/Billie)

Summary: It's Conrad and Billie's first date, and Gigi isn't feeling well. (Canon-friendly & set immediately after ep 611.)

A/N: A gift for Sakura8589 on AO3. It's a little different than what you asked for, but I hope this satisfies the craving!

Brown eyes stared back at Billie—the same brown eyes that had always been part of her face—but they looked… lighter somehow. Her whole face was subtly different. Her skin was glowy, the curve of her lips more pronounced.

Maybe her face and eyes were merely reflecting back the lights that lined her mirror. But she kind of thought it was the happiness fizzing through her veins like bubbles in champagne.

She couldn’t seem to stop smiling. She had tried a few times to school her features back into the calm, cool, stay-at-least-six-feet-away-from-me expression that she had honed over a lifetime and perfected overseas. But the familiar arrangement of her features suddenly felt unnatural and off.

She was accustomed to her expression not matching how she felt inside. That was life—or, at least, the life Billie had experienced. A constant balancing act between staying true to herself and taking others’ feelings into account. Tempering how she felt to make it manageable from the outside.

But, as she remembered the feeling of her fingers sliding against Conrad’s, his palm settling against hers in a skin-to-skin kiss, the idea of hiding that amount of joy just felt wrong.

Billie glanced down at the tube of mascara in her hand, and her brow furrowed. Had she put any on yet? She couldn’t remember. She leaned forward and studied her lashes. Left, yes. Right, no, she realized, and set about fixing the issue.

She was keeping her makeup simple—mascara, eyeshadow, tinted lip balm—less out of a stylistic choice and more because she was terrified at the prospect of needing to touch up during the date. Her hands were already shaking, and Conrad hadn’t even arrived yet.

She tapped her phone screen to check the time, and butterflies sprang to life in her stomach again. Conrad had said he would pick her up at eight. She had less than thirty minutes to get dressed, do her hair, and sit down for some deep breathing exercises.

Crap. Should I just tie it back? she wondered, scrutinizing her hair. It still looked mostly okay from when she had styled it that morning. She could just brush it and leave it. But it wasn’t perfect. And she wanted everything to be perfect.

She knew it was only dinner. She and Conrad had eaten dinner together hundreds of times over the past five years. Dinner, lunch, brunch, breakfast, afternoon snacks, midnight picnics—they had experienced every type of meal imaginable together. She had no reason to be nervous, or afraid that she would forget which fork to use or run out of conversation for the first time ever.

Conrad wasn’t even the type to take her to a fancy restaurant on a date. Besides, she would never forget the right fork. She had drilled it into herself as sternly as the names of all the bones in the human body.

And Billie was thankful that she could assume Conrad was going to pick somewhere on the more casual side. Maybe even Waylon’s—though maybe not since they could run into friends there. Regardless, he was far more likely to pick somewhere with sawdust on the floor than somewhere that relied on multiple forks for a meal.

Billie rubbed her forehead to stop the stream-of-consciousness rant. She was stalling. And spiraling. But mostly stalling.

Dress, she told herself, stern, and forced her feet to move back into the bedroom.

The problem was that Gigi had almost always been a buffer, literally sitting between Billie and Conrad’s bodies. And the few times Gigi hadn’t been physically present, the two of them had been in a group of friends, or Marshall had been with them, or they had been in the hospital café. They had never been alone.

Except for once: the day after the medical board hearing; the only day she could remember as just the two of them, alone. And that had been… different. She barely remembered that day, more worried about Trevor than she was about herself, and terribly tongue-tied telling Conrad the whole, horrible tale.

Trying to condense twenty-seven years into a manageable story was hard. She started and stopped and restarted so many times that she was terrified Conrad would get impatient. But he never did. He barely even asked questions and only let himself do that much after she had gotten through the whole thing once.

She knew they had eaten—they had spent nearly fourteen hours together—but she would never be able to tell anyone what they had eaten or where.

Luckily—or unluckily maybe—she had spent the entire day leading up to their date mentally sifting through her wardrobe. So, she knew exactly which dress she was going to wear. She had decided black would be too stark, too fancy for the type of place Conrad was likely to choose. She had opted for a slate blue a-line dress that hit just below her knee, with a sweetheart neckline and fluttery little sleeves. Paired with small jet studs, the delicate necklace she wore every day, and ankle boots with the tiniest of block heels, Billie thought she managed to look understated and modest, casual enough for a pub and yet elegant enough that she was obviously dressed for a date.

Standing in front of the mirror, Billie smoothed her hand down her hips, feeling the silky fabric of the dress, and scrutinizing every last detail of the outfit. Satisfied and disproportionately proud of herself, she gave her reflection a smug nod and went downstairs to tell herself she wasn’t nervous in a different room.

She was getting a glass of water in the kitchen when Conrad’s knock sounded through the first story of the house. Billie hesitated at the sink, glass hovering, and wondered why she was surprised. Had she really thought he would use his key? He always had before when picking Gigi up, or the two of them were coming over for movie night, but things were different now.

Were they? Of course, they were. Right? Yes. They were different.

For God’s sake, move, she told herself, when she realized she had left him standing at the door for far too long.

She straightened her shoulders and set the glass down in the sink. Then she turned and walked to the door, head as high as she could get it and not be looking down her nose at anything.

His bashful smile was firmly in place, eyes on the wooden boards of her porch, as she opened the door. “I almost used my key,” he admitted to the porch. He looked up, shaking his head “But then I thought—”

His words seemed to dry up as he took her in. She knew she was smiling too wide. She probably looked like she was having a manic episode. But he was so adorable. How was she supposed to resist grinning at him?

“Wow,” he said on an exhale.

Billie’s cheeks heated. She wanted to say Come on, Hawkins. You’ve seen me dressed up before. But she bit the teasing back, recognizing that this was one of those moments they would never get to have again, and she didn’t want to ruin it out of nerves. So, she took a beat to absorb his expression.

“You clean up well, yourself,” she said.

And he did, but she already knew that. Despite the fact that his preference was to live in jeans and a Henley, she had seen him dressed up on a number of occasions. Kit and Bell’s wedding, of course, but other times, too. Forcing tense conversation with him at the first-year residents reception. Flipping through photos from his wedding to Nic. Seeing him leave for a date with Cade straight from a shift. Catching his eye across the room at fundraising events Kit drafted them both to attend.

But Conrad had never dressed up for Billie. His black button up, grey pants, and shiny leather boots were wreaking havoc on her poor heart, which was now beating three times faster than it should be. And he was still staring, lips slightly parted, having not seemed to register her words at all.

She tilted her head. “Do you want to come in?”

He pointed vaguely over his shoulder to his car at the curb. “Reservation.”

Her nerves spiked again. Reservation? But she forced out a nod and held onto her smile. “Let me get my jacket.”

Her hands were shaking again when she pulled open the coat closet. Her hand floated for a moment between her leather jacket—what she had assumed she would wear—and a light shawl collared coat—something more appropriate for the places Conrad’s pants were implying. She didn’t know which to choose. Since when did Conrad Hawkins make reservations?

“You okay?” he called to her.

He couldn’t see her from his vantage point. Between the front door and the door to the closet, his view was entirely blocked. But she knew she had hesitated too long—again. She grabbed the leather jacket and shut the closet, snagging her purse off the entryway console on her way back to Conrad.

“Peachy,” she said and stepped through the front door and into her date.

#

What is happening? Billie thought to herself as they pulled up to the valet stand.

She knew exactly where they were, even though the restaurant (rather famously) lacked any type of signage. Instead, the entire front of the building was a glass wall, encouraging anyone from the street or sidewalk to look in at the patrons.

The nerves that had been strumming along in her chest—eased by the conversation in the car—flipped on an amplifier and began slamming out power chords. Her fingers spasmed around the seat belt before she forced them to relax, unhook the clip, and open the door. Conrad handed the keys to the valet and then held his hand out to her. She slid hers into his grip readily, but she was so flummoxed that she barely felt the contact.

Le Ciel was not where Billie had expected Conrad to take her.

Le Ciel was so famous that The New York Times had written an article solely about how famous it was.

Le Ciel was a prix fixe menu that used words like “truffle foam” and “deconstructed.”

And Le Ciel was a sea of two-top tables lit with candles. No four-tops in sight, and definitely nothing larger. Not at Le Ciel. Because Le Ciel was widely considered the most romantic restaurant in Atlanta.

How had Conrad even gotten a reservation? Le Ciel booked up months in advance. James had once idly mentioned that the waitlist for a Valentine’s Day reservation was running three years out.

“I treated the owner’s son when I worked concierge,” Conrad murmured to her as he held open the door. “I called in a favor.”

She stared at him, lips parting, and he gave her a modest, half-shrug in response. Then he tilted his head towards the coat person, and she nodded, slipping the leather jacket off. He took care of checking their jackets and then put a hand on the small of her back to approach the hostess stand. The young woman nodded when Conrad gave his name and led them to a table in the corner by the massive windows.

It was very clearly the best table in the house, and Billie was abruptly certain she would not be able to eat anything. She couldn’t even remember if the fish fork was the one placed randomly on the righthand side with the spoons or if that was the seafood fork.

“Can I interest you in our signature cocktail?” the hostess asked.

“Um…sure,” Billie said, then shook her head. “Actually, no, just water for now, please.”

“Water would be great,” Conrad added.

“Of course,” the hostess said. “Your server will be right over with an amuse bouche. Bon appetit.”

“Thank you,” Conrad said, as Billie managed a faint smile.

As soon as the hostess was gone, Billie’s eyes locked on Conrad’s face. He was watching her, alert, as if he could sense something was off. And maybe he could. She had been quieter than usual in the car, shocked at the mention of a reservation, which didn’t fit inside her expectations for the night at all.

Confused. She was confused. And slightly shaken. She had mentally prepared for a pub. She had even worried her dress was too fancy for whatever Conrad had planned, and now she was sitting in Le Ciel feeling underdressed. She wasn’t—her dress was a silky, flowy fabric, and the coat check hadn’t even blinked when Conrad had handed over their leather jackets.

She licked her lips. “This is nice.”

His eyes crinkled, but he managed not to laugh. “Isn’t it?”

“Did you give this guy’s son your kidney?” she asked.

“No,” Conrad said, eyes still dancing in the candlelight. “I didn’t do anything special. I think his son just liked me.”

“This is the nicest table in the place, Conrad,” Billie said, feeling herself relax the more they spoke. “You clearly went above and beyond.”

“No organs were involved,” he said. Then he stopped to think. “No organs from outside his body, anyway.”

She chuckled, then looked around self-consciously. “It’s so quiet.”

“It’s like a library,” Conrad said.

“Good evening,” their server said, seeming to materialize out of nowhere next to them.

Billie grabbed at the edge of the table, while Conrad jumped a little and then smoothed the motion out to look like he had just been leaning back in his chair. They both murmured something along the lines of good eveningback and listened as the server introduced himself, and then verbally prepared them for the menu they were about to eat, which sounded amazing but included seven courses and complicated wine pairings. When he was done, he gestured to someone behind him, and another person came forward with two ceramic spoons that they set on the table in front of Conrad and Billie.

And in the center of the table, they placed a basket of…leaves?

The server stepped forward again. “In front of you, you’ll find salmon roe atop roasted octopus brined in watermelon juice. We recommend chewing the mint leaves between each course to truly cleanse the palate. Bon appetit.”

As the server faded into the dimness around them, Conrad braced his hands on the table, palms flat on either side of the ceramic spoon.

“Are you going to eat it?” Billie asked. “Or challenge it to a duel?”

Conrad’s bashful grin spread across his face. “I didn’t understand what half of that menu meant.”

“Me, either,” Billie said and lifted her spoon. “Bottoms up, Hawkins.”

“Bottoms up,” he muttered back.

They clinked their spoons together and tossed the spoons back at the same time. As weird as the combination sounded, the effect was delicious. Billie chewed as she watched Conrad nod thoughtfully and swallow.

“Chewy,” he said.

She nearly spit out her own octopus in laughter, clapping a hand over her mouth at the last second. She managed to swallow and took a sip of her water to clear her airway.

“So, you loved it, huh?” she asked.

God she loved him. The feeling was overwhelming, and so familiar after the past two years that she very nearly shoved it down like she always had before. She was so used to hiding it that she fidgeted at the knowledge that it was out there for everyone to see, for him to see. But she loved Conrad so much in that moment that she let it all shine through her eyes.

But he looked away from her, sending her stomach into freefall. A month ago, she would have retreated. She would have set her walls firmly back in place, reminded herself that Conrad wasn’t hers, picked a nice neutral topic to distract them, and then avoided him for a day while she got back on course.

But Conrad had kissed her and brought her out to the fanciest restaurant in town. Both very clear signals that he returned her feelings. So, Billie set her hand on the table and tentatively slid it forward along the tablecloth towards the middle. He met her halfway, his fingers gently tangling with her own.

He opened his mouth, leaning forward, and she heard buzzing. They both furrowed their brows, letting go of each other to seek out their phones. As doctors, they didn’t have the luxury of letting the call go to voicemail.

“It’s me,” Conrad told her, pressing the button to answer. “Devon. Everything okay?”

Billie’s breath caught as fear spilled into her chest. Gigi.

“Does she have a fever?”

Immediately, Billie started looking around the restaurant, trying to spot their server through the dimness. She listened with one ear as Conrad continued his conversation with Devon.

“…wasn’t herself earlier, but she’s been in a mood the past couple of days. I didn’t think she…”

Finally, she spotted the server, lingering at the hostess stand near the better-lit foyer. Billie narrowed her eyes at his back, willing him to turn around.

“…be there soon.”

“Go,” Billie said, as soon as she was sure Conrad had hung up. “I’ll get the check. Call me and tell me how she is, okay?”

She felt Conrad’s gaze on her face, but she was still busy trying to catch their server’s eye. He was still leaning against the hostess stand, had barely moved in the fifteen seconds Billie had been staring. The hostess was gorgeous, of course, tall and willowy.

But good grief, Billie thought, eyeing the server.

After a moment, Billie realized that Conrad hadn’t budged, and she looked back at him, confused. He was gazing at her.

“You’re not leaving,” she pointed out.

“I…” He shook himself. “Yeah, I just… Why don’t you—No, I mean, can you come with me?”

“Yes,” she said, telling herself not to stop and think. “Hold on.”

She stood, setting her napkin on the table, and marched across the restaurant. Smile, she reminded herself. Easy. Your server is a glorified child likely trying to put himself through college. Do not eviscerate him for something he had no part in. Deep breaths. In and out. That’s good.

But Gigi needed Conrad, and their server was still flirting with the hostess. Gigi wasn’t well. And Billie shoved the panic down deeper in her soul.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, smoothly stepping in front of the server so that he would have no way of ignoring her. “But we need our check.”

Nerves flashed across his face. “Is everything all right? Is your food—”

“The food is fine,” she said. “But our sitter just called, and my date’s daughter isn’t feeling well. So—”

“No problem at all,” he said, face clearing and empathy stitching a frown onto his face. “I can bring the card reader to the table.”

“Thank you,” Billie said, relieved.

“I’ll get your coats,” the hostess offered.

“Thank you,” Billie said again, this time a little more sincerely.

#

As soon as Billie buckled her seat belt, the car was moving with Conrad tense and restless in the driver’s seat. She should have offered to drive, but she never drove when she, Conrad, and Gigi went anywhere. Even if she had thought to offer, it would have felt entirely foreign to be behind the wheel while he sat in the passenger seat, leg jumping up and down as his brain ran through all the possible medical explanations for his daughter’s symptoms.

“I heard you tell Devon that she’s been off the last few days,” Billie said.

His swallow was audible across the car. “I was going to talk to you about that.”

Her gaze sharpened on his profile. “Talk to me about what?”

Billie had known when he spoke to Gigi about them dating earlier that week. He had murmured it in her ear one morning while they were waiting for the screens to load with scans in the CT room. They hadn’t had a chance to discuss it, since Devon had barged in, and then they had each been called on separate critical issues. And her OR had been so busy the rest of the week that she hadn’t had a chance to see Gigi since the conversation.

She had been a bit surprised that Conrad had already spoken to his daughter. Particularly since Billie and Conrad never had the conversation. It had all been vague and implied, and they had each known what the other meant—we’re together now—but it hadn’t been said per se.

Part of her was disappointed. She had wanted to be there when he told Gigi. She didn’t know how Gigi was going to respond. She knew Gigi would understand the basics after her father’s relationship with Cade. It was different with Billie, though, and she had wanted to be there to reassure the little girl.

But it wasn’t her place to ask, only to be invited, and Conrad hadn’t, so Billie hadn’t said anything.

“When I told Gigi about us, she was excited, but I don’t think she really understood,” Conrad said. “She just seemed to think it would mean sleepovers like…”

He trailed off, and she stifled a laugh at his discomfort. “Like Cade used to?”

“Yeah,” he said on a groan. “I tried to explain the difference. I told her you would be coming over more, and, yes, there might be sleepovers and, no, you wouldn’t be sleeping in her room.” He paused to grin as Billie laughed, then continued, “But everything I mentioned you already do with us, everything Cade did, aside from the sleepovers. Like going on our weekend outings or coming over for movie night. And you take Gigi for an overnight once or twice a month. So, none of it was helpful.”

He sounded frustrated with himself again, frustrated again about how much time he had let lapse by running from his feelings. Billie ran a hand down his bicep, a swift gesture of comfort. Then she pulled her hands back into her lap. She told herself not to ask, but she had to know.

“But she was excited, right?”

“Yes,” he said, firm. “Ecstatic.”

“Good,” Billie murmured, pleased.

“Did you expect different?” Conrad asked, tone teasing. He didn’t give her a chance to respond. “She did ask if I would kiss you like I did Cade.”

“She did?” Billie asked, surprised.

Conrad nodded. “I told her yes and asked if she wanted to talk about that. But then she asked about dinosaurs because they’re doing a unit in school. So, I thought she was fine.”

“Since then she’s been off, though?” she prompted.

“It started a couple of days later. She’s been complaining about a stomachache the last two days, wheedling to stay home from school.” He shook his head. “I let her yesterday, and she spent the whole day in bed, but I couldn’t find anything medically wrong with her. And she’s done this before when she was nervous about something. So, I thought sending her to school was the right thing to do, and she seemed fine when I left tonight.”

“What’s she nervous about?” Billie asked.

She wracked her brain, but they were in a quiet period in terms of Gigi’s afterschool activities. No holidays. No events. She was excited to start day camp when school let out for the summer, but that didn’t start for a couple of months, and her next belt wouldn’t be for at least four.

“I’m not sure,” Conrad said on a sigh. “I thought getting a night with Devon might be so exciting that it would shake her out of whatever this is. But it’s been two days, Billie. I don’t…”

He trailed off, and she heard everything that he wasn’t saying.

…know what to do.

…know if I did the right thing.

…know how to help her.

“You’re a great dad,” she reminded him. “Maybe she just needs some time to tell you what it is.”

He shook his head. “I think she tried, and I just didn’t get it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Last night at dinner, she talked a lot about Cade,” he said.

“Cade,” Billie repeated in surprise. She turned to stare out the windshield, brow furrowed. “I didn’t think she and Cade were close.”

“They weren’t,” Conrad said. “I’m not even just telling myself that. They weren’t close. They liked each other fine. But Gigi never asked for Cade to tuck her in or read her a book or anything like she does with you and Devon and AJ.”

All of which was the impression Billie had gotten of their relationship from Gigi herself. And she had always thought that was due in equal measures to Conrad shielding Gigi from his first relationship since Nic and Cade having trouble opening herself up to people.

“But Gigi’s asking for Cade now?”

None of this was making sense to Billie. And clearly not to Conrad if his frustrated tone was anything to go by.

“No, not really asking for her,” he said. “Gigi had a lot of questions about the breakup, and what it meant. Why weren’t we seeing Cade anymore? When were we going to see her again? That sort of thing.”

He stopped, gathering his thoughts, and Billie waited. She wished she could ease his frustration with himself, but all she could do for him was listen.

“I think she was trying to ask me something else, not about Cade at all, but it wasn’t making much sense,” he said, as though admitting a sin.

“Okay,” Billie said slowly. They were getting close to Conrad’s and running out of time. “How did you explain the breakup to her?”

He shifted restlessly as they stopped at a red light. “I told Gigi that Cade and I were going to be friends, but that Cade wouldn’t be around as much because we weren’t dating anymore. So, she wouldn’t be spending the night or going out with us anymore. And that it had nothing to do with Gigi, and that we both still cared about her. I tried to make the conversation about Cade and the conversation about you separate. I spaced them out over a few days. I don’t know if that helped.”

Billie’s brow was still furrowed. “It sounds like you handled it right,” she said.

Conrad blew out a breath. “Apparently not.”

The light turned green, and Conrad drove the last few blocks to the house in silence. Billie turned everything over in her mind, trying to find an explanation for Gigi’s anxiety, but she came up blank. She would have understood if Cade had meant a lot to Gigi, but she hadn’t. Could it just be the change? Kids didn’t do well with change, right?

As they stepped from the car, Conrad came around to her side, gently shutting her door. She grasped his jacket, pulling him close. Without prompting, he leaned down and rested his forehead against hers, exhaling shakily into the night, hands cupping her shoulders.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about all of this?” Billie asked.

Conrad always talked to her about Gigi things and not just Gigi—everything, really, even Cade. She shoved down the hurt that he hadn’t this time. She could feel the tension vibrating through his body into hers. This hadn’t been about Billie; it had been about Conrad, and she needed to understand.

“I wanted tonight to be about us,” he said, voice gravelly and low.

Oh, she thought.

“Conrad, Gigi is part of us,” Billie said. She let go of his jacket and cupped her hands around his face, pulling him far enough away that they could see each other. “Nothing is ever going to change that. Always talk to me about Gigi.”

His eyes looked wet as she ran a gentle hand down his jaw to rest against his neck. Before she could tell for sure if it was just the moonlight playing tricks, he blinked and looked away.

“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?”

He shrugged, smiling at the driveway. “Loving us.”

“You really need to stop thanking me for that,” she said, injecting a little levity into the conversation. “You’re going to give me a complex. I’ll expect it daily with my cup of coffee.”

“God forbid,” he murmured.

Then he took a deep breath and stepped back. Her hands trailed from his cheek and neck, falling to her sides. But he held out his hand for hers milliseconds later, and she interlaced her fingers with his. She loved that he seemed to want to hold her hand as much as she wanted to hold his. She would take any excuse.

He gave her a wry smile. “Let’s go.”

When they stepped through the front door, Devon was slowly pacing the living room with Gigi cradled in his arms. Her face was buried in his neck, and Billie’s heart twisted.

Devon caught sight of them as he turned to begin pacing in the opposite direction, and his eyes lit up with relief. “Hey,” he said. “I think she’s out again.”

“Let’s put her back in bed,” Conrad said. “If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Devon said, brow furrowed with worry.

“Talk to me,” Conrad ordered, hot on Devon’s heels.

Billie followed behind Conrad, doing a deep breathing exercise to quell the pounding of her heart.

Conrad thinks it’s just nerves, she reminded herself.

But the sight of Gigi looking so small in Devon’s arms, her little face hidden from the world, was branded across Billie’s brain.

“She seemed fine when you left,” Devon said as they got to the top of the stairs. “We played with the telescope for a while, then got ready for bed. I tucked her in, read a book, but then she asked for another one. And I know you said only one, but—”

Conrad cut him off. “It’s okay. So, you read a second book.”

Devon settled Gigi on the bed, and the little girl rolled over into a fetal position. Billie felt the tension ratchet up in the room.

“We read four,” Devon said. “She tried for a fifth, but I told her it was too late, and she needed to close her eyes and try to sleep. I offered to stay with her, but that’s when she started saying that her stomach hurt. No fever. Pupils are fine. I palpated but didn’t feel anything off. I took her downstairs and gave her some ginger ale. But then she asked me to pick her up…” Devon stopped to swallow, arms crossing tightly over his chest.

“Like she used to,” Conrad finished for him.

Devon nodded. “So, I tried walking her like we did when she was a baby, and that seemed to work better than anything else. She had only been asleep for a few minutes by the time you got home.”

Billie had been watching Gigi’s face and saw the little girl’s eyes blink open. She was kneeling next to her before she consciously told herself to move.

“Hi sweetie,” Billie murmured to her. “Everything’s okay. You can go back to sleep.”

But Gigi was already sitting up, little face crumpled, arms held out to Billie. She slid next to Gigi and pulled the little girl into her lap, holding her close and making soothing noises as Gigi started to cry. Conrad came to sit next to Billie, and Devon hovered with an anxious face, clearly at a loss as to what his role was.

“Bubble, talk to me,” Conrad said, his voice a thousand times softer than when he had said the same to Devon.

To Billie’s utter shock, Gigi squirmed away from her father and cried harder as her arms squeezed around Billie’s neck. A deep hurt spasmed across Conrad’s face, and Billie wanted to reach out to him, but her hands and arms were full of Gigi, whose tears were so profound that Billie could feel the skin of her neck getting wet. Billie caught his gaze with hers instead, trying to send him love and strength through just that contact.

“Sweetie,” Billie murmured, rubbing a hand on Gigi’s back. “You have to talk to us. Is it your stomach?”

Gigi nodded, hiccupping against Billie’s neck.

“Can you sit up for me?” Billie asked. “We need to take a look at you.”

Gigi shook her head.

“You don’t want us to examine you?” Billie guessed.

Gigi stayed still against her.

“Okay,” Billie said. “We’re not going to do that, okay?”

Gigi’s arms loosened slightly.

“Do you want to talk to me about why you’re mad at your dad?” Billie asked gently.

She kept her eyes on Conrad’s face, and she saw the words hit him like a physical blow. But it was the only thing that made sense, and, knowing Gigi and how much she idolized Conrad, Billie could definitely see the unfamiliar feeling tying Gigi’s stomach in knots.

Billie felt Gigi shake her head, and Billie ran a soothing hand down Gigi’s hair. “I think you’d feel better if you talked about it.”

“I’m going to go downstairs,” Devon said. “I’ll give you guys a minute.”

Conrad stood and walked with Devon to the door. “You can go home,” Billie heard him say. “We’ve got it from here. Thank you for…”

Their voices trailed off as they got further down the stairs. Gigi let go of Billie’s neck, and the little girl sat back in Billie’s arms. Her face was streaked with tears, big eyes miserable.

“Baby,” Billie said, cupping Gigi’s cheek. “What’s going on?”

Gigi’s small fingers reached out to play with the ends of Billie’s hair. In the end, Billie had decided to leave it down, and it was damp from Gigi’s sobbing. But Gigi gently curled one lock around her tiny finger and held onto it.

“You and Daddy are dating?” Gigi asked.

They both knew it wasn’t a question. Conrad had explicitly told Gigi that he and Billie were together. Billie knew that she should have Conrad handle this conversation with his daughter. But Conrad was downstairs, and Gigi was asking her. So, Billie nodded slowly.

“Yes, sweetheart.”

Gigi’s face crumpled again, and Billie pulled her close. Heart shredded, Billie told herself Gigi was only five-going-on-six. She couldn’t possibly know how deeply she had just hurt Billie, and it wasn’t Gigi’s fault. But Billie just didn’t understand the reaction. Conrad had said Gigi was excited when he told her. Billie had thought Gigi adored her; she had thought they were each other’s favorites.

“Baby, if your dad and me dating bothers you this much—” Billie took a deep breath, swallowing down the words she wanted to offer. Then we won’t. I promise. Curious that her heart was still beating when it was dead in her chest. “Why don’t we talk about this with your dad?”

Billie caught the movement of a shadow and looked up as Conrad appeared in the doorway. She knew her face was a wreck, and she saw the fear on his, but she wasn’t sure how much he had overheard. And, so, when he started forward into the room, she shook her head at him.

Gigi was sobbing hard now, and her words were barely intelligible. “No…away…Cade…”

“What?” Billie whispered. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t hear that.”

Gigi pulled back again, with her hand still tight on the curl she had never let go of. “You’re mine,” she said, and the words were not only clear but fierce.

A very inappropriate flash of amusement swept through Billie, and she recognized it as giddy relief. She swallowed it down as she saw Conrad lean against the doorjamb out of the corner of her eye, something about his body loosening like a rope that had been stretched taut and then released.

“I am yours,” Billie assured her. “And I will always be yours, no matter what happens with your dad.”

Gigi’s face was still screwed up into a stubborn moue, but Billie saw something ease in the little girl, too, and the tears slowed. Her fingers worried the curl still tight in her grip.

“Cade went away,” Gigi said simply.

And, abruptly, it all made sense to Billie. Part of her brain wondered if this made it click for Conrad, too, but she was focused on Gigi and didn’t want to spare him a glance. They needed to have this conversation, and she didn’t want to clue the little girl into the fact that he was there since all of this seemed to be aimed at her father.

How in the world was she going to explain this to Gigi? How could she possibly explain the confidence she had in her relationship with Conrad? They still had never been on one complete date, and somehow Billie was one hundred percent sure that he was it for her. He and Gigi were Billie’s home. But even if he wasn’t, if—God forbid—he left her and decimated her heart, they would all still be okay.

Gigi has to come first. The words reverberated through Billie’s brain, and they weren’t hers. They were remembered from a long-ago conversation with Nic about how to do the hard things after Gigi was born.

Nic had licked her lips and continued, “Before me. Before Conrad. Honestly, sometimes I think I would shove him in front of a bus to save Gigi. Does that make me a bad person?”

And Billie had laughed and said, “Don’t worry. If someone needs to shove Conrad in front of a bus, I’ll do it for you. That’s just the kind of friend I am.”

“Oh my god,” Nic had said, but she had been laughing. “Just save Gigi, okay? If it’s a choice between me and the baby. Pick the baby.”

“Like you even have to tell me that,” Billie had said, genuinely offended.

Billie squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, Nic’s face flashing through her mind with that reassuring smile—the one that always said I adore you, Billie Sutton, you maniac.

Taking a soothing breath, Billie did her best to save Gigi. For Nic, sure, of course. But mostly for Gigi because, well, Gigi was the best thing that had ever happened to Billie.

“Breakups are really hard, sweetie,” was how Billie began. “Sometimes, after a breakup, one of the people needs to… to not see the person they were dating. Because it hurts too much to see them and making that hurt a little less is all that matters. Grownups call it getting space.”

Gigi still wasn’t looking Billie in the eye, and Billie felt like she was floundering. But she steeled her spine and kept trying.

“Cade needs space right now. She cared about your dad and you,” she said, stressing those last words, “a lot. It’s hard for her that she and your dad aren’t dating anymore.” She hesitated before saying the next, sending a silent prayer out to the universe that she was right. “Cade and I are not the same.”

Gigi’s eyes flicked up to Billie’s and then back down to the curl.

Bingo, Billie thought.

“We’re family. You, me, and your dad. But you and I are different,” Billie said. “And I don’t think I can explain that to you. And I know you hate it when we tell you that you’ll understand when you’re older, but, baby, I didn’t get it until I was close to forty.”

Gigi rolled her eyes, but her lips were pulling into a little smile at the corners.

“I didn’t get it until I met you. Nothing in the universe could make me stay away from you,” Billie said. “If your dad decided to break up with me, that wouldn’t change. You and I will never change. I will never need space from you. You’re mine, and I’m yours. Forever and always.”

When Gigi wrapped her arms around Billie’s neck again, her body was loose, and her grip was easy. Billie knew they hadn’t solved the problem. One conversation wasn’t going to be enough, but it was a start. The rest would take time.

She cleared her throat. “Can you talk to your dad? He loves you so much, and he’s really worried about you.”

Gigi nodded and slid from Billie’s lap to sit cross-legged on her unicorn sheets. Billie pressed a kiss to Gigi’s hair and whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Gigi said.

She stood, smoothing the skirt of her dress out of habit, and met Conrad’s gaze. As Conrad stepped past her, his eyes looked bruised. He paused as if he wanted to say something to her, but she tilted her head towards Gigi.

“Later,” she murmured and stepped into the hallway.

Conrad and Gigi didn’t say much. Gigi was too sleepy. And Billie couldn’t see what was happening around the door that she had pulled halfway shut, but she imagined they did a lot of cuddling.

She was leaning on the wall outside Gigi’s room, hands braced behind the small of her back, when Conrad stepped out and eased the door shut behind him. She tilted her head to the side and studied his face.

“Are you okay?” he asked, beating her to the punch.

“Not really,” she said, knowing her smile was wan. “But I feel better knowing what’s wrong. You?”

His face collapsed. “I really messed this up. With Gigi.”

“No, you didn’t,” Billie said.

“With Cade,” he continued. “With you.”

“No,” Billie said again. “You didn’t.”

He stared at her. “How can you say that?” he murmured. “We could have… If I hadn’t been running from this, then I never would have dated Cade—”

“You don’t know that,” she interrupted him. “I can’t speak for Cade. But I can speak for me, and I feel like I can speak for Gigi. We’re going to be fine, Conrad. It’s just going to take some time.”

“But—”

She gathered both of his hands in hers. “The choice you made when you started to date Cade was what you needed at the time. A casual relationship with someone you were attracted to and liked as a person, with the potential for more. Someone you could build a future with, one step at a time.”

“Back up. You think I still would have chosen Cade if I had known how you felt about me?” he asked, studying her.

“I don’t know,” Billie said, shrugging one shoulder.

“Well, I do. And I would not have.”

“Okay,” she said. “But maybe that would have been a mistake.”

He stared at her, mouth working.

“We,” she said, stressing the word, “are full of stakes. We have so much to lose here. There was no way to make us casual or ease into something real over time. We were going to be serious from day one. That’s just how it is. Maybe you weren’t ready for that.”

He started to speak again, and she cupped his cheek to still him.

“If so,” she said, “that is completely understandable. Did I like it? No. Did it hurt me? Yes. Did it make me unreasonably angry at the time? Hell yeah. But do I hold it against you? Absolutely not.”

Annoyance flashed across his face. “We’re going to argue about this later,” he said, stubborn. “Because I definitely would have chosen you, and I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now, and I’m slightly pissed that you didn’t tell me how you felt.”

She sighed quietly. “Okay, we can argue about that tomorrow night.”

“Saturday,” he muttered. “You have three surgeries tomorrow.”

But he had never let go of her hand, and he was absently playing with her fingers in his. And she was so far gone on him that the fact he was scheduling an argument with her—with thoughtful consideration for her stress level, no less—made her want to rise on her tiptoes and seal her mouth to his. But they weren’t done with this discussion.

“Uh-huh,” she said. “My point is that we’ll never know what would have happened. We only know what did happen, and where we are now. Thinking through what ifs and if onlys will never help us. Remember?”

She saw the moment he remembered their conversation from four years earlier.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Billie had said.

Conrad’s beard had been soaked with tears. Her arms had been wrapped around him, trying to hold all the broken pieces of him together as he wept. Both of his hands had been pressed to his mouth so that Gigi wouldn’t hear from her crib upstairs.

Billie had been on a date—half-heartedly going through the motions of trying to reenter normal life—when Conrad had called. Gigi had taken her first steps. And Nic hadn’t been there to see it.

Billie had barely explained the situation to poor Dave—a setup that Kit had only convinced Billie to accept by assuring her Dave wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship, just someone to take around while he got to know Atlanta. But making polite conversation without talking about the defining moment of her life—losing Nic—had been exhausting, and Billie had quickly realized she hadn’t been ready. She had driven like a bat out of hell to Conrad’s house and had found him an absolute mess on the floor.

He had sputtered out what Nic would have done, what Nic would have given to see Gigi’s first steps. He had talked about the things they would have been doing—he and Nic—if she had been there. He had outlined all the ways they would have celebrated, the next steps, what Nic would have thought and said and done. And Billie had wrapped her arms around him, trying to fill the holes she could feel in both of them, despite knowing it was an impossible task.

She had waited until the tears stopped to say it. And Conrad had barely even looked at her.

“Doing what?” he had asked, hoarse from the crying jag.

“Wondering what could have been,” she had whispered back. “Nic isn’t here, and I hate that. Torturing ourselves with the what ifs and if onlys is—”

“I can’t just stop thinking about her, Billie,” he had snapped, pulling away from her entirely.

“I know that,” she had snapped back. “I never said that, Conrad. But what if Gigi came downstairs right now, or heard you crying?”

He had looked away from her, stubborn and angry and silent.

“You want to be mad at me?” Billie had snarled at him, trying to keep her voice at whisper level. “That’s fine. Be mad. I can take it, Hawkins. Yell at me. Call me names. I’m still not going anywhere. I loved her, too, and I will never stop missing her. But we have to stop torturing ourselves. She isn’t here, Conrad. We have to live with that and find a way to move forward. Find a way to remember her and honor her that doesn’t leave us paralyzed.”

His throat had worked.

“For Gigi,” Billie had added. “If not for yourself. Gigi has to come first.”

“I know,” he had snapped, but some of the heat was gone from his voice.

Billie had taken a chance and reached out to grasp his wrist. She had kept her grip strong, a reminder that he could lean on her, and not too soft because she had thought he might shake her off if she tried that. He hadn’t moved, letting her touch him.

“You’re doing great,” she had said. “Nic would be so proud of you and the father you’ve become. But you are all Gigi’s got, and she has to come first."

At that, his head had fallen back against the wall with an audible clunk. Billie had forced herself not to wince in response, telling her neuro-self to shut it. But then he had nodded his head.

“No more what ifs,” he had agreed.

They had both known she was making it sound too easy. And Billie had known he was only agreeing to try. But agreeing had been enough. Trying had been enough. And, together, they had muddled through.

Standing outside of Gigi’s door, five years hovered around them. All of the rough moments that Billie and Conrad had muddled through together had shaped them into the two people standing there staring at each other, able to show each other their raw, unfiltered selves. Their history had grown like a living thing between them, each hard decision and uncomfortable conversation and touch of solace and piece of advice and kick in the ass had become a vine that entwined around them, through them, pulling them tighter and closer until Billie had no longer been sure where her world began and where Conrad’s ended.

Finally, Conrad nodded his head, just as stubborn and reluctant to concede as he had been four years prior. Her hand slid from his cheek down to rest against his chest. His heart thudded under her palm as they stared at each other.

“Where did you come from?” he whispered. He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

Her eyebrows knit together. “You’ve asked me that before,” she murmured back to him.

“Have I?” But he didn’t really seem to be paying attention. “I’m really sorry we had to cut our date short.”

She blinked at him. “Who said it was over? What, because we changed venues? You’re not getting off that easy, Hawkins.”

He didn’t laugh, like she was expecting. Didn’t even smile. But he did lean forward.

He moved so incrementally that, at first, she didn’t think he was moving at all. Then he braced a hand on the wall next to her head, and she realized he was easing into her body and closing the gap between them. Sweet anticipation spun through her chest, gathering up like cotton candy.

His second kiss was as slow as the first had been. She was better prepared this time, though, for the dueling waves of tenderness and heat that swamped her body.

His lips were soft, barely a whisper, brushing against hers once, twice, a third time. Then he settled in and pushed closer, mouth opening over hers. He still tasted like the mint leaves from Le Ciel.

Time seemed to stretch and lengthen as his lips moved against hers. Billie wasn’t sure she had ever been this happy. She had yearned for this with an acute ache for so long—the feeling of Conrad against her, of him wanting to be in her arms—that a part of her honestly couldn’t believe it was really, truly happening. But here he was holding her with soft hands, lips languid against hers—half comfort and half desire.

She felt a lump rising in her throat, and he seemed to sense that she needed a moment. Maybe her lips had started to tremble. He eased his mouth away, trailing soft kisses across her cheek. Her head slowly tilted to the side of its own volition, and Conrad followed the silent directive with more gentle kisses.

As his lips brushed down her neck, she let out an involuntary hum of pleasure that made his hand clench at her waist and pull her closer to him. She realized then that he wasn’t quite as relaxed and languid as she had thought. His control was on a tight leash.

But the sound had also reminded Billie that they were standing mere feet outside his daughter’s bedroom.

“Conrad,” she whispered. “Gigi.”

He pulled his mouth away from her skin but rested his forehead in the curve of her shoulder on a groan. “Right.”

The feeling of his fingers still clenched at her waist made her bold. “Change venues again?” she asked.

“God yes,” he muttered, and she stifled a giggle.

But as they both turned to put distance between themselves and Gigi’s door, they found the darkened doorway to Conrad’s bedroom staring back at them. Billie froze, immediately going rigid.

Conrad settled a hand in the curve of her lower back, radiating calm and soothing energy. “Not tonight,” he said.

Every muscle relaxed in Billie’s body. “Not tonight.”

“We go slow,” he said, using the hand on the small of her back to urge her body closer again.

A wide, brilliant, happy smile spread across her face as she rested both hands against his chest. “Slow,” she agreed.

Conrad smiled back, and they stood there in the hallway, simply smiling at each other for a long time. Heat simmered in his eyes, but the lines of his face were easy. She wondered what he saw in hers.

“Making out is slow,” Conrad said.

“True,” Billie said. She considered and then said, “As long as no clothes come off, that’s slow, right?”

Conrad paused, as if thinking this over, and he said, “I think there need to be hard lines, though. Tonight, first base. No further.”

“We just did that,” Billie said, pointing towards where he’d had her pressed against the wall.

“But I don’t think we’re ready for second,” he said.

“Really?” she asked, genuinely surprised. Then she narrowed her eyes at him. “Not ready, or too ready?”

He didn’t respond to that but took a deliberate step backward. “Why don’t we get a snack? That octopus thing was not very filling.”

“Yes, please,” she said. “Though, honestly, if all the courses were that size, we would have been in serious trouble even if we hadn’t been called away. Thank goodness we stuck to water.”

“I thought you loved places like that,” Conrad said, as he followed her down the stairs. “You donate to the ballet. You took Gigi to the opera gala last year. James took you to that experimental menu…thing.”

“Pop up,” she supplied, surprised he remembered that.

She glanced at Conrad as they moved into the kitchen. It had never occurred to her that he might be comparing them with her and James. But his face was calm—serene really—and she couldn’t discern a clue to his thoughts.

“Every once in a while, it’s nice to get dressed up and do something different,” she said, partly agreeing with him.

He nodded, back to her as he opened the fridge. She watched his muscles move under his button-up as he pushed things around inside, then let her eyes glance down at the grey trousers and dress shoes. He had looked almost foreign to her when she opened the door earlier that evening, so out of character.

It had been bugging her all night—until the distraction of Gigi’s crisis—that he had taken her to Le Ciel of all places. Why? Conrad was Waylon’s, through and through. He was shots of whiskey and always in motion. She had assumed there would be some sort of activity followed by a burger, with Conrad dressed in jeans and a cotton shirt. Instead, she had gotten Ultimate Romance Ken Doll on her porch, and now he was mentioning James and saying he thought she liked—

And it clicked into place for Billie.

Billie would have happily gone axe-throwing because Conrad would have enjoyed axe-throwing. She would have been terrible at it, fighting the nagging urge to remind him that beer and sharp weapons should never be paired, but she would have loved it because he would have been happy. And Conrad had happily pulled the few strings he had at his disposal to get a reservation at the nicest restaurant in the city because he thought she would enjoy it, even if it was entirely outside of his comfort zone.

She reached out and snagged the waistband of his pants as he passed her. He glanced down at her hand with clear surprise but tossed the bag of bread he was holding on the counter and crowded into her personal space. He settled a hand on the counter on either side of her body, caging her in with his full attention locked on her. Exactly how she liked it.

“If I had to pick the perfect date,” she said, palms finding his waist. “I’d pick you in jeans and a Henley any day.”

His brow furrowed in confusion, though he looked pleased anyway. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said, suddenly remembering to be embarrassed. “Shut up and kiss me.”

“Gladly.”

[heeheesang]

xoxo cupid crush

ep. 12

cafes

"haerim, i'll save us a seat here. could you order our drinks? you know what i like right?" she nodded and gave me her things, i went to our favourite seat next to the window in the cafe.

we had our finals next week and we would be able to pick our majors in a months time. i was thinking early childhood or nursing but i wasn't really sure. soon enough, haerim came back with our drinks and a cake for herself.

"is your jaemin coming later on?" i smirkedand she blushed, hitting my arm before nodding shyly. she finally talled to jaemin and jaemin realised that they had most classes together.

"what about sunwoo?"

"what about him?"

"is he not coming? to study with you?" i shook my head, he was playing games with his friends today so it would just be me third wheeling jaemin and haerim.

halfway studying, jaemin abruptedly came in and studied with us, and flirted with haerim. third wheeling was not as bad as i thought it would've been, i honestly thought it would be much more worse. like them doing pda and stuff like that but thankfully they didn't.

around seven pm, the both of them left because it started raining and haerim's house was pretty far from the cafe. i continued studying until eight thirty pm, taking my headphones off and walked to the bus stop in the heavy rain.

i waited at the bus stop for almost ten minutes now, the bus didn't seem to come at all and i was the only one at the bus stop. it had started to thunder and lightning was seen in the pretty clouds. it reminded me of a few things, my siblings birthday, my birthday, my grandmother's passing day.

a few tears left my eyes before it thundered really loudly and time check, it was soon nine pm. my phone started vibrating in my pocket, it was sunwoo calling me.

(woo) yeongji? where are you?

(ji) i'm at the bus stop, i've been here for thirty minutes now... there's no bus stopping.

(woo) are you alone? where's haerim?

(ji) she left early, i'm here alone

(woo) which cafe bus stop are you at? maybe i can—

(ji) sunwoo, it's fine, i think the bus is coming soon

(woo) yeongji, it's 9pm i'm not letting you get on the bus this late, alone

(ji) i'm at percent cafe...

(woo) i'll be there in five minutes

with that he hung up and i sat down on the chair at the bus stop. i looked up to the clouds, it wasn't raining as much now but the thunder was still loud, causing me to startle everytime it thundered. about ten minutes later, a car pulled up.

"hop in, loser!" sunwoo said as he opened the car door.

he could drive? ain't no way.

"since when did you drive?"

"i can't, it's my dad's car."

"should i be worried?"

"kinda."

a/n: book is coming to an end soon~~ last chapter!!

ep. 11 | ep. 13

m.list

[spockvarietyhour]

Too tight.

[hqbaby]

ep. 01 — atsumu blinks

rekindling, atsumu x reader Three years after their falling out, Y/N and Atsumu reunite and, together, they work on rebuilding their relationship, raising their children, and experiencing the highs and lows of everyday life.

masterlist — next word count! 1.3k — content! mentions of sex

Osamu thought that, after twenty-five years of living with the man, nothing his brother did could surprise him anymore.

Boy, was he wrong.

The week started off normal enough. The orders for the restaurant were made, the groceries were bought, the bathroom was cleaned (albeit with much coaxing on Osamu’s part), the friends were met (Suna insisted on a weekly get-together with the boys), and the world was, more or less, stable.

Then, things took a turn for the worse when, on Wednesday, Atsumu decided that he was going to learn not to blink. Bizarre, sure, but manageable enough, Osamu thought. What could go wrong?

Well, a lot, apparently.

The next day, Osamu woke up to the sound of Atsumu quietly screaming into a pillow. When—against his better judgment—he decided to check on his brother, he knew immediately that he should’ve shut the idea down as soon as it was presented.

He found that there, on the living room couch, his fully-grown twin brother sat with wide, red eyes, a pillow held over his mouth. His phone was on the couch beside him flashing a stopwatch that was already at a minute and thirty seconds.

“What the fuck are ya doing?” he asked.

Atsumu shushed him. “I’m focusing,” he hissed. “Get out. Yer making me wanna blink.”

With hands thrown up in defeat, Osamu walked out of the room and into the kitchen. He’d seen his brother do sillier things before, but he was pretty sure they were just eight years old back then and he supposed that those instances didn’t really count.

Now, he’s on day four of Atsumu learning not to blink and he’s seriously just tired of it.

“What are ya even doing this for?” he demands, enough being enough. “Is this like a weird sex thing?”

Bloodshot eyes meet his. “Does this look like a weird sex thing?” Atsumu asks, pain dripping through his words.

Osamu shrugs exaggeratedly. “I don’t know!” he exclaims. “I hope for yer sake it’s not.”

“It’s not!” Atsumu practically shrieks, finally giving up and closing his eyes. He clocks in at a minute and twenty-six seconds. “I’m training, okay?”

Osamu squints, his face the picture of disbelief. “For what?”

Atsumu walks past him to the bathroom, eyes closed, and sticks his tongue out at his brother. “Serious stuff!” is all he answers. “Ya wouldn’t understand.”

Osamu, of course, does not understand.

You, however, do.

When Atsumu first came into the kids’ lives, things were a little rocky. It had taken them a while to warm up to him as their dad and, with the situation between the two of you still tricky, neither of you were expecting everything to be perfect right away.

After a rather awkward conversation, the two of you agreed on him visiting the kids once a week while they got used to being around him. While it pained him to feel so estranged from his own children, he knew that it was better to ease them into it than to force them into anything they weren’t ready for.

It’s because of these weekly visits that Atsumu has been learning more about his children.

He’s learned that Akari is a feisty little thing, not much different from himself. He and his daughter share an innate bond that seems to have transcended any space and time that they’ve been apart. He’s almost worried that she’ll grow up to be too much like him without even trying.

Hikaru, on the other hand, has been a tougher nut to crack. He’s a lot sweeter and mild-tempered compared to his sister. He’s an angel to take care of, but Atsumu’s a little worried that he won’t have the same connection as the one he has with his daughter with his son. But, luckily, Atsumu has learned one important thing about Hikaru. He loves playing games.

Enter: the staring contest.

If there’s one thing Hikaru got from his father, it’s that he can be extremely competitive when he wants to be. Akari may be the more combative one in any other situation, but Hikaru is the king of games and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t win.

And win he does. During his last two visits, Atsumu won a grand total of one round out of the twenty-seven they had played. Atsumu brushed it off, saying that he just has weak eyeballs, but he’d be lying if he said it hadn’t wounded his pride to lose that much.

So, he’s decided that, as a father, it’s his duty to give his son a fair fight and test the limits of his staring abilities. You’ve also limited them to only one staring contest every week after you learned how many times they did it and you’re worried that it’ll ruin their eyes—but that’s beside the point.

This week is the week Atsumu will finally beat his son in a game. Or, at least, he’ll try.

“You can do it Papa!” Akari says, tiny hands massaging her father’s shoulders. She hands him a bottle of water and pretends to dab sweat from his forehead. “Beat Ru! I believe in you!”

On the other side of the table, Daichi and Koushi hype Hikaru up, Koushi fanning the little boy with one of Akari’s Hello Kitty fans and Daichi throwing him words of encouragement left and right. You and Osamu—who came along to visit after Atsumu begged him to come—watch them all, trying to stifle your laughter.

Osamu holds his phone up, Suna, Kita, and Akane tuning in on the battle live while you prop your phone up to record it for the others to watch later. Hikaru sticks his tongue out at Atsumu, the boldest thing you’ve ever seen him do, as Atsumu squints his eyes at his son.

“Okay, are you guys ready?” you ask, tapping your phone to start the recording. Atsumu and Hikaru both nod, so similar to one another it makes you laugh. “Alright!” you say. “Let’s do a roll call! Give it up for… Hikaru!”

Everyone except for Atsumu and Akari cheers, clapping and chanting the little boy’s name.

“Alright, settle down,” you say. The room quiets. “Now, let’s give it up for… Atsumu!”

Akari cheers for her father as Osamu and Suna heckle him. Atsumu looks over at his brother with an offended look on his face. “My own brother!” he exclaims dramatically.

Laughter is shared until, finally, the room quiets down. You look between Atsumu and Hikaru. “The battle will commence in three…”

Hikaru pretends to crack his knuckles and you see Atsumu’s serious expression nearly break in adoration of his son’s cuteness.

“Two…”

Akari holds her hands together as if she’s praying and all the adults in the room try to hold in their laughter.

“One…”

Hikaru and Atsumu look each other dead in the eye.

“Go!”

Everyone waits with bated breath as the showdown begins, everyone alert to any movement of either competitor’s eyelids. The father and son stare at each other.

And stare.

And stare.

And stare.

“I have no idea why I thought this would be exciting,” Osamu whispers to you, smiling.

You chuckle. “What are you talking about?” you say, biting back any more laughter that might distract the competition. “This is riveting. Primetime television stuff right here.”

Then, all of a sudden, it comes.

“Papa blinked!” Hikaru shrieks, still keeping his eyes open in case he’s wrong.

“He did, I saw it!” Koushi chimes in, ever the devil.

Atsumu closes his eyes and lays his head on the table in defeat. Hikaru cheers and everyone else chants his name, clapping and smiling and laughing.

Akari pats her father’s back. “It’s okay, Papa,” she says, hugging her father.

“Yeah,” Hikaru says, making his way to the other side of the table to crawl into his father’s lap. “You can win next time.”

Atsumu opens his eyes, beaming at his two children as they both try to comfort him over his loss.

Next time. The words repeat in the back of his head as the rest of the adults in the room start talking and laughing and catching up. He holds his children tight. Yeah, there will always be a next time—because he’s never letting them go again.

AUTHOR’S NOTES! it's been like two weeks but i already miss these characters so much :<

if you want to be tagged in future updates, fill out this form

[chicgeekgirl89]

The Hoodie

Fandom: 911 Lone Star

Characters: Carlos Reyes, T.K. Strand, Mateo Chavez

Summary: “...hoodies are what you wear when you want to be comfortable and feel at home. So I thought you needed one, considering the circumstances.” A little post-ep for 2x13.

A/N: I found it VERY interesting that Carlos was the one in a hoodie at the end of 2x13 since hoodies are definitely a T.K. thing. Isn't it amazing how one, teeny tiny detail can be enough for me to write an entire fic?

AO3

                                    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carlos had been on the phone for six and a half hours. Six hours and thirty-four minutes if you were being exact. And that wasn’t including the other two hours he’d spent online, trying to search up insurance information.

There had been a long call with the arson investigator, then the insurance agent, then his bank, another hour with the arson investigator, his mortgage lender…he was exhausted.

“Hey babe!” T.K. said brightly as he and Mateo returned from their shopping trip, bags in hand. Mateo had offered to drive and T.K. had taken him up on it. It was all well and good to borrow t-shirts and sweatpants, but underwear and shoes were a whole other matter. T.K. stopped and pressed a kiss to the top of his head where was sitting at the kitchen counter.

“Hey,” Carlos said scrounging up what he hoped was a convincing smile. “Looks like you were successful.”

“We got everything,” Mateo assured him. “And I mean everything. I didn’t know T.K. was a shop until you drop kind of guy, but I think he bought out the entire men’s department at Zara. And J Crew. Honestly we kind of emptied out the whole mall.”

“Did you see the texts about tonight?” T.K. asked as he rooted through a bag from Aldo.

Carlos shook his head. He’d felt the continuous buzz of the group text as he’d slogged through his conversation with the insurance agent, but hadn’t had time to look. 

“We’re hanging at the firehouse. You down?” Mateo asked.

Just the thought of it made him tired, but Carlos tried to rally. He’d fallen apart enough, it was time for him to move on, even if all he wanted to do was curl up in T.K.’s arms and cry. Again. “Yeah, sure, sounds good,” Carlos said, careful to keep his tone bright and cheerful.

T.K. shot him a quick look but didn’t say anything, so Carlos assumed he’d been successful in hiding his exhaustion. A night out with friends would be good for T.K., a distraction from all the stress of the last two days.

“Come upstairs and try some of this on,” T.K. said, gathering up all the bags.

“I’ll be up in a minute,” Carlos said. “I have a couple emails I need to send.”

It was more like half an hour than a minute because the insurance agent called back again, but eventually Carlos made his way to the guest bedroom. T.K. was standing by the bed, a new button-up hanging open as he held up and compared two belts. “That’s all yours,” he said, nodding toward a pile on Carlos’ side of the bed. “Just figure out what fits, we can take the rest back.”

Carlos was definitely not in the mood to put on a fashion show, but he took a quick look through the clothing and pulled out a polo shirt and jeans to try on. “How did the calls go today? Any progress?” T.K. asked.

Carlos sighed as he stripped off his borrowed t-shirt. “Not as much as I would like. Turns out having your home and all your worldly possessions burn up in a fire isn’t exactly the easiest insurance situation. They want copies of all the paperwork, proof that the home is burned beyond repair, a copy of the police report, the fire report, and I have to secure the site so nobody loots it. Not that there’s anything left to loot.” 

T.K. had gone over in the morning with his dad and Judd to sort through some of the wreckage, while Carlos started his calls. There had been very little that was salvageable and everything that was had been sent off to be professionally cleaned. Yet another phone call Carlos had had to make. 

“We’ll get it figured out,” T.K. said. “I can stay home tomorrow and help.”

Carlos shook his head. “No, it’s kind of a one person job. And my name is on everything so they probably won’t talk to you anyway.”

T.K.’s face softened as he took in Carlos’ frustration. “Are you sure you want to go tonight?”

“To hang with the 126? Yeah of course,” he said.

“Carlos…”

“I’m fine, really. It’s…just been a long day. It’ll be good to blow off some steam,” Carlos told him. 

T.K. didn’t quite look convinced but he let the matter slide for the moment. “That looks good,” he said, nodding toward the polo Carlos had put on.

“Yeah, it fits fine.” Carlos reached for the next thing in the pile. “Oh, here, this must be yours,” he said, holding out a blue sweatshirt.

T.K. looked up and shook his head. “No, that’s for you.”

“You bought me a hoodie?” Carlos asked.

T.K. set down the pants he’d been refolding. “I know they’re not really your thing,” he said. “But hoodies are what you wear when you want to be comfortable and feel at home. So I thought you needed one, considering the circumstances.”

Carlos ran his fingers over the soft fabric. It was touching gesture and he felt tears prick at his eyes again for the thousandth time in the last day. “Thank you.”

T.K. smiled and nodded toward him. “You should try it on.”

Carlos slipped it over his head and pulled at it until it fit around his waist and hips. “How do I look?”

T.K. reached up and fixed a few of his mussed curls. “Hoodie hazard,” he said with a smile. “You look great.”

An hour later they headed over to the firehouse, coolers and snacks in hand. Carlos felt good, ready, maybe even a little excited to be out and put the day behind him.

But he was not prepared for how sense memory would assault him. The firehouse smelled like smoke and fire and destruction, causing his shoulders to tense immediately. And the gentle teasing about their lack of home to hang out in stabbed a sharp blade into his stomach. Marjan was just trying to make light of a bad situation, but it still hurt.

But T.K. looked so happy surrounded by his friends and his dad that Carlos couldn’t bring himself to ask to leave. Instead he smiled, sipped his beer without tasting it, laughed when it was called for, and answered any questions thrown his way. He and Paul even went a round together at the foosball table. Mostly he stayed by the counter, shifting food around, refilling bowls, getting people drinks, and just generally keeping up the pretense of being a good party host. 

He thought he was doing a pretty decent job hiding it; of pretending that he didn’t feel like the walls were closing in on him with their dark, smoke stained plaster. He was trying very hard not to think about the fact that being in this space felt like being back in his burning bedroom, absolutely certain that he was about to not only die, but also lose the man he loved with all his heart. 

He was rearranging the snack bowls for probably the twelfth time when he felt arms go around his waist and T.K.’s lips found his neck. “Let’s go back to my dad’s,” he murmured.

Carlos frowned and continued his very important cheeseball work. “It’s only eight o’clock.”

“But you’re tired and don’t want to be here,” T.K. said softly.

“I’m fine.”

“Carlos.” Lips pressed against his neck again. “You can say you’re not okay.”

“You’re having a good time,” Carlos tried again.

“If you’re not having fun, I’m not having fun,” T.K. told him.

Carlos turned in his arms so they were facing each other. “It’s just been a really long day and I—” he swallowed hard. “Being here is kind of like reliving the fire all over again.”

T.K.’s eyes clouded. “I am such an idiot. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about that.”

“It’s fine,” Carlos told him. “I’m fine. Really.”

But T.K. was already on the move. “Hey guys?” he called to the group. “Carlos and I are going to call it a night.”

“T.K. we didn’t drive,” Carlos reminded him. They’d caught a ride with Mateo since his Camaro was toast.

“You can take my car,” Owen offered.

“Yeah I’ll drive the Cap home,” Mateo volunteered as he defended his goal against Nancy.

“See?” T.K. said. “All good.”

“Who’s going to clean up the mess?” Carlos asked as T.K. tugged him toward the door.

“Any of the other five people here at the moment. Just because you never let them help doesn’t mean they’re not capable,” T.K. informed him. “Night guys!”

“Night!”

“Goodnight!”

“Drive safe!”

“Stop feeling bad,” T.K. ordered as he climbed into the driver’s seat of Owen’s car. “You’re not making me leave, I chose to leave.”

“I don’t want to pull you away from your friends.”

“They’re your friends too.”

“I know but…I just thought you needed this. To get your mind off everything.”

“The only thing on my mind is making sure you’re okay,” T.K. said as he flipped on the blinker and turned them left, streetlights ghosting over his face. “I knew something was going on. I shouldn’t have dragged you out tonight.”

“You didn’t drag me out.” Carlos shook his head. “I thought maybe it would be good for both of us. I didn’t realize…I didn’t know that being at the firehouse would make me feel this way.”

“I’m just so used to dealing with fire and smoke I didn’t even think about how it might take you back,” T.K. said. “But I should have. I’m sorry.”

Silently T.K. reached for his hand, threading their fingers together over the car’s console. The small gesture made Carlos’ throat grow tight. 

They finished the drive to Owen’s in silence. The place smelled blissfully free of smoke and Carlos felt the muscles in his back loosen just a little bit. “Come here,” T.K. said, pulling him toward the couch.

Carlos ended up sitting between T.K.’s legs, back pressed against his chest as T.K. flipped on a Netflix documentary. He’d just gotten settled when T.K.’s fingers slipped inside the neckline of his hoodie. “T.K. you don’t—”

“Shh,” T.K. said softly as he began to work loose the knots in Carlos’ neck and shoulders. “Just relax.”

Slowly Carlos felt his shoulders begin to unwind, his body relaxing into T.K.’s as his boyfriends fingers dug deeply into his muscles. “Better?” T.K. asked a few minutes later.

Carlos nodded, eyes feeling heavy. “The hoodie helps too,” he mumbled.

“Yeah?” T.K. pressed a kiss to his curls.

“It feels like you,” he said, semi-aware that his words were slurring as sleep pulled at him.

He could feel T.K. smile against the top of his head. “I’m glad it’s working.”

As Carlos drifted off, sweatshirt and boyfriend cocooning his body in comfort, he felt the deep, reassuring sense of home.

[angelhummel]

Random thoughts on 4x06 Glease bc I was watching it and not typing out my thoughts as I went and I can’t watch anything without talking about it lol

I think most people don’t really like this episode buuut it’s kind of one of my s4 faves?? At least in the front half lol. I’m not even a huge Grease fan but I love all the songs and costumes and yeah

Kitty included “back rubs” on her list of fun slumber party activities so yeah anyway lesbian Kitty still going strong

Also we can add kleenex to the long list of literal trash Brittany says she eats

After six years am I still salty that Finchel gets like a thirty minute scene of closure and Klaine gets eight seconds with Rachel lurking in the background? Mayhaps

Seriously even Tike got more and they broke up months ago. Finchel gets half an hour, Brittana gets like a minute, Tike gets 45 seconds and Klaine gets a fucking speedrun that if you blink you miss it

Also why is Finn a better boyfriend broken up with Rachel than he ever was when they were together. Busting out this “you have four types of crying” bull and then saying he was usually the cause of her crying over boys?? Yeah great bf

I remember way back in the day before the ep aired, me and my dad and sister were out shopping and we saw the soundtrack so of course we got it. And we listened to it on the way home. And “You’re The One That I Want” started playing and I was like wtf Finn sounds so good here?? And my sister was just like “...That’s not Finn”

Santana is just wrapped up in a lil blanket after the show?? What a cutie

Anyway all the songs are bangers and everyone looks fucking hot this ep. 10/10 stars

[emetophobiahelp]

Criminal Minds Warning Compilation

This is a compilation of all submitted warnings in Criminal Minds in one place. I got frustrated having to constantly scroll through the tag so I figured I would compile them. Thank you to all the people who submitted! You guys help all of us so much :)

I am unsure if it’s complete past the end of Season Four as that’s where I’m at in the show. If I find any more I will send a warning in and hopefully eventually I’ll be able to say this list is complete. I usually just skip an episode if there’s a submitted warning as there’s little to no plot line through the show, so sorry if some of the warnings are vague.

This list is not completely spoiler free and not all of these are actual v* scenes. This show is surprisingly safe for emetophobes!

Unsafe episodes in Season One: 9 and 22.

Unsafe episodes in Season Two: 13.

Unsafe episodes in Season Four: 13, 15, and 24.

Unsafe episodes in Season Five: 7.

Unsafe episodes in Season Six: 7, 17, and 23.

Unsafe episodes in Season Seven: 1, 2, 6, 8, 12, and 22.

Unsafe episodes in Season Eight: 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 18, and 23.

Unsafe episodes in Season Nine: 1 and 12.

Unsafe episodes in Season Ten: 3.

Unsafe episodes in Season Eleven: 21.

Unsafe episodes in Season Thirteen: 1.

Season One: E9 (Derailed): 10 or 11 minute mark. Pregnant woman gets s*. Elle is talking to her and she says, “I think I’m gonna be s*.” No visual, just audio. E22 (The Fisher King Part One): 16 minute mark. Woman sees a body part and v*. No visual, just audio.

Season Two: E13 (No Way Out): 6:50-7:10. Gideon and Morgan are talking to a serial killer in a diner and it cuts to a police officer v*. After, the v* is still visible. It cuts back and forth from diner scene to police officers a few times but only one has a v* scene. Visual and audio.

Season Four: E13 (Bloodline): 12-12:45. Girl has epileptic seizure. Not v* but still triggering visual and audio. E15 (Zoe’s Reprise): 31 min mark. A girl Prentiss is interviewing says she’s going to be s*. Audio, unsure if visuals. E24 (Amplification): No v*, but lots of coughing, especially in first few minutes.

Season Five: E7 (The Performer): Warning is vague. “Not safe at all. Just skip it.”

Season Six: E7 (Middle Man): Multiple warnings.  1. Very brief v* after *SPOILER* Chris is made to kill Scott. Maybe mute from Scott’s death until after Chris stands up from sink. No visual, just audio. 2. 27:40, a man v*. Might be same as previous warning. Mute and look away for about 15 seconds. No visual, just audio.  E17 (Valhalla): Near end of episode, right after Prentiss says she needs some air. Some coughing and mention of the word v*. Later when she goes to her apartment to change her shoes you can see it. No visual, just audio. E23 (Big Sea): Multiple warnings. 1. 25 min. A man can be heard v*, it then shows it as someone yells at him to clean it up. 2. When the guy is being held captive in the boat, he looks up at the unsub and then down at the keys. He v*. Visual and audio. 3. 38 min. At end of episode, Agent Morgan is performing CPR on a girl. She v* water. Not too bad visual, but bad audio.

Season Seven: E1 (It Takes A Village): About halfway through the episode, there’s a flashback to a woman taking pills, and a man forces her to v*. Happens after Prentiss starts interrogating Doyle. Not that graphic but visual and audio. E2 (Proof): Around 21-22 min mark. When Tammy is shown at the dance, she says she’s not feeling good and clutches her stomach. There’s no v* but she acts like she will. Ends when Uncle Cy goes to hug her. Later in the episode, Tammy’s mom recounts the incident with Cy but nothing happens. E6 (Epilogue): 18:40 min. Chase starts trying to resuscitate the girl. The next scene shows a guy violently coughing and shows blood in his hand from coughing so much. He continues coughing. Could be triggering. E8 (Hope): A little past halfway through the ep when the woman finds her daughter. You can see it coming. Visual and audio. E12 (Unknown Subject): 3 min. Garcia is showing them pictures of a case. It’s hard to see but there’s v*. At 4:21, Prentiss asks, “what’s that on the floor?” And Garcia replies. Also, Garcia mentions there’s salt in the water which makes you v*. Skip until intro or look away. (4:59 is safe) E22 (Profiling 101): When Prentiss says something about the victim’s friend holding her hair, the victim bends over and v*. It lasts thirty seconds, so when Prentiss talks about the girl getting s* just mute and look away. Audio and visual.

Season Eight: E2 (The Pact): After Mr. Dolan is being interviewed, it cuts to Darlene v*. She talks and then g*. Mute and look away after Mr. Dolan is finished with JJ. Audio and visual. E5 (The Good Earth): V* is mentioned and not shown, but you see implied v* as people lean over. Also just a gross episode in general. E6 (The Apprenticeship): 9:40. When the kid asks Holly to cover his shift, he says he v* that morning to get out of work. E7 (The Fallen): At the end of the episode when the unsub is pouring bleach on the woman, she starts coughing. Sounds like v*. She also continues to g* after she’s rescued. It’s not too bad but could be triggering. E8 (The Wheels on the Bus…): After the girl shoots Trent and the guy says something about his blood, she v*. Lasts about 5-10 seconds. Audio, unsure if visuals. E18 (Restoration): Beuford gives Derek the list, and Derek v* after washing his hands. Mute after he finishes talking to Hotch. It’s over quickly. Visual and audio. E23 (Brother’s Hotchner): Multiple warnings.  1. In the beginning when the guy opens the stall and the girl is bleeding, she’ll fall to the floor and start coughing pretty bad. It ends in maybe 10 seconds. Audio and visual. 2. At around 8:40 min , a guy randomly spits blood. It happens/ends just as the beginning credits start. When the little girl starts to pray at the family dinner, both the parents begin to bleed like the other victims. the dad will cough before the screen goes black

Season Nine: E1 (The Inspiration Part One): Multiple warnings. 1. At around 6 min mark, girl v*. They also talk about it a few times. 2. At 21 min, a mother g* and s* out teeth. 3. After unsub kills girl in the shower, Blake asks about the v* when she’s at the coroner’s morgue. 4. When Rossi and Morgan find the girl in the park and mention her hair, Morgan says she probably v*. 5. When Hotch says “wheels up in 30” and the unsub is taking another woman into the woods, she v* when she says he’s going to fast. Lasts 5-10 seconds and only audio. (Possibly same as first warning) E12 (The Black Queen): At around 18:55 min. When Garcia and Morgan are testing microphone signal, Garcia says she feels like she’s gonna v*. Nothing happens though.

Season Ten: E3 (A Thousand Suns): When Reid and Kate go to look at the plane crash and start to look at the pilot’s seat, a few seconds later Reid will notice there is v* from the passengers on the ground. He just says the word and there is a visual but it doesn’t look very realistic. After the crowd of people at the station are asking questions about their loved ones on the plane Morgan and JJ will mention the v* again and talk about what caused it

Season Eleven: E21 (Devil’s Backbone): When the two boys are in the back of the van, one boy v*. No visual, just audio.

Season Thirteen: E1 (Wheels Up): Garcia and Simmons are in the car and Garcia says, “No creepy weird stuff.” There’s a lot of people looking s* and leaning over bowls. No visual that was noticed.

Happy watching!

[toogoodmusic]

THE TOO GOOD TEN with Drew Louis

Pop singer, songwriter and producer Drew Louis drops his latest release “Petty.” The refreshing new single is dripping in both classic and experimental pop sonics with a story that everyone can relate to. “Petty” joins previously released singles “Falling In Like” and debut “BLOCKED.” Get to know the young artist by checking out his Too Good Ten below:

1. What is it about music that made you want to pursue a career in it?

Ever since I was five years old belting out Christina Aguilera’s “Ain’t No Other Man” in the backseat, my parents knew that music was definitely in my blood. Besides my six-month-stint of wanting to be an astronomer at age eight, I’ve always wanted to be a musician. My parents actually met while doing a show at their community theatre and my older brothers both teach music full time, so if I wanted to be a doctor I think my family might look at me sideways.

2. Growing up you were exposed to a wide variety of music such as Classic Rock, Jazz and R&B. How did you end up discovering pop and gravitating to that sound?

Music was always playing in the house growing up, so I was hearing everything from my angsty teen brothers’ mixes to my mom’s compilation CD’s she burned from her iTunes library. While listening to all of these eclectic sounds, pop music always broke through and really spoke to me; serving as an escape to anything I was going through. A musical utopia where polished vocals, ear candy, and slick production were all able to coexist in a nice little 3 minute package.

3. Congrats on the release of “PETTY.” What’s the story behind it? Is it based off a true story?

This record is the culmination of a lot of built up feelings, [laughs]. I think everyone can relate to a toxic ex, friend or even a family member who has just gone so low that you just can’t take the high road anymore. I brought the track to my co-writers Jayelle Gerber, Carlee Chappell, and Francis Karel and the rest is history!

4. Do you consider yourself to be “PETTY?” What’s the pettiest thing you’ve been petty about?

I always try to be a level-headed person, but sometimes you’re pushed so far to the edge that you gotta stoop to their level. Not proud to admit this one, but literally just yesterday I was driving and making sure I was clear to turn right on red and the guy behind me honked...so I simply sat at the red light for another thirty seconds until it turned green. He was not very happy.

5. You also write and produce for various other artists - how is that process different then when you’re working on your own music?

Writing and producing for other artists is such a blast. You’re able to take the music in places you might not be comfortable going in yourself - whether that be lyrically, or sonically. I recently collaborated with Sony Japan’s a cappella group The Gospellers on their new single, “Loving Out Loud.” Creating an entire song with vocals was an interesting challenge that turned out to be super awesome!

6. On your socials you mentioned that you’d love to collaborate with RAYE. What is it about her that makes you want to collaborate with her? If you had to decide right now what would be the name of the song you guys would release together?

RAYE is so insanely talented. Her record “Please Don’t Touch” is pop gold! We both fall into the niche of broken-hearted pop songwriters, so I think we’d make the most heart wrenching record but simultaneously the most danceable one, [laughs]. Let’s call it “Last Goodbye.” Feels dramatic enough, eh?

7. You just released your debut single “BLOCKED” back in December. What was it like to release a debut single? What’s the biggest learning you got from that initial release?

Finally making my debut was so freeing. As an artist you always hear people in the industry telling you “You have a lifetime to make your debut, and six months to make your second album”. So I wanted to make sure I didn’t rush myself. I took time to find my sound and to bring my music to a quality I felt confident in. “BLOCKED” taught me a lot and with each release I am trying to make better music and find my unique sound. I feel like “PETTY” is the true representation of that.

8. Your social bios describe you as a wannabe comedian. If for some reason music didn’t work out would you look to pursue a career in comedy? If so, would it be as an actor, stand-up comedian, social media comedian or all of the above?

I happen to think that I am hilarious. I would love to do have some TV/Movie cameos or do a little three-month-run on Broadway? However, the key word in my bio is definitely wannabe.

9. If you could only listen to (5) artists/bands for the rest of your life, who would they be?

This answer changes on the daily, (which would really be awkward if this was a real dilemma!) but I would say Janelle Monáe, Demi Lovato, Ariana Grande, Bruno Mars and Lorde.

10. What’s the rest of 2021 look like for Drew Louis?

Plenty of new singles and possibly an EP! Working on building up my repertoire, my fanbase and will hopefully be able to start touring by 2022! I’m really excited to bring these songs to life on tour, and for all of the new material to come.

Stay up-to-date on everything Drew Louis by connecting with him below:

Instagram

Tik Tok

Twitter

YouTube

The Too Good Ten interview series is dedicated to giving you a quick glimpse at some of the freshest voices in music. Ten Questions. One Artist. Too Good. Let’s go.

[ink-beneath-her-fingernails]

BNHA/MHA First Watch-Through Notes

1x01

these are... stupid... and... a mess. bc I am stupid and a mess. you have had your warning. I didn’t even go back and skim through this when I was done I’m just releasing these little bastard thoughts into the void they’re not my problem now

I’m watching dubbed btw

I know, I know... it’s the only one I have access to rn tho

I... do not know how to feel about funimation’s new intro?

well I guess it’s not really new but

listen I haven’t watched anything of funimation’s since the og fruits basket ok I’m used to the DUN-DUN *funimation* ((....you should be watching))

he is. babie. green babie.

but also why do these small children have such wild hair colors

I mean I’m here for it

I just wasn’t expecting it

oH SHIT THEY GOT POWERS POWERS

so this is the famous deku

I’m guessing this is like a flashback or memory or something?

I missed the bully’s name

speaking of the bullies, they changed order? It was wings, fire, stretchy hands, but now it’s fire, stretchy hands, wings. I know that they probably wanted to show the “leader” closest and that’s why but,,

also wtf?? these are kids. like bullies should not be a thing, I think we can all agree on that, but yeah, it’s gonna happen. but these kids are, what? eight? nine? maybe their powers (’quirks,’ whatever) aren’t super powerful yet, but this blonde kid has fire powers. has nobody talked to them about just how dangerous this is? forget roughing the other two up or intimidating them or giving them a hard time, this could genuinely escalate and get way out of hand super fast, and someone could get seriously injured.

oof. boy is dead.

this eight year old (purple hair) sounds like he’s a thirty yo new teacher trying to sound hip and cool but also wise and knowing to his class who Does Not Care

OH

that wasn’t purple kid?? that was current deku???

wack

then this fourteen year old sounds like he’s a thirty yo new teacher trying to sound hip and cool but also wise and knowing to his class who Does Not Care

also they were four?

jeepers heckin criminey who starts beating people up at four years old

have to say though, I loved that sky-to-puddle transition

jiminey fucking crickets I’m not even a minute into the episode these notes are going to be stupidly long I’m sorry

!! I love his little skipping-dance thing when he’s impatient at the crosswalk!

alright... I’ll admit it... his character design is pretty adorable

also tf is that thing

it looks half shark half poorly drawn dog

I mean I get it’s probably a person and that’s their quirk or whatever but

did this kid just run all the way across the city just to watch this guy start shit at the station so he could see the heroes take him down??

I mean respect tbh but also priorities kid

also I really appreciate that the cops are just kind of calmly directing everyone and everyone else is just kind of chillin like “oh. another villain. that’s too bad.” like tbh that’s one of the things that always kind of annoys me about movies and shows like this where there’s like repeatedly villain attacks because yes they are scary, especially when you’re caught up in them, but if you’re just kind of there and not directly in the action or being directly threatened, then why are you freaking out? you’ve lived in this city for how long? there’s an attack every, what, two days? this isn’t routine for you by now?

I started this like 15 min ago and am only like a minute and a half into the ep smh

ngl this intro kinda pops off

that hero guy seemed... kind of evil lookin tho

love the animation oml

also the lyrics to this are great???

OH IS THAT A NARRATIVE FOIL I SEE IMPLIED THERE

I THINK IT IS

“and they were narrative foils” “oh my god they were narrative foils”

k ngl rewinding real quick bc I missed some of the intro and there’s always so much fun stuff to see and unpack in those

also I wanna read all the lyrics

k so I was wondering this before but I’m just gonna say it... why does the hero guy have rabbit ears

alright character designs lookin p fire so far

last guy I keep missing but he kind of looks like steven universe?? idk I still have to watch that show too tbh so,,,

does the big hero guy turn into a giant bird?

oh that intro got me excited for this

these characters look so lit!!

“the first incident?” so this isn’t just like a natural factor of their world? it hasn’t always been going on? there was, like, a definitive start to it all? was that kid really the first incident or the first one they noticed? was that actually the first incident or is it just like the commonly told first incident, like an old myth/legend/folktale/old wive’s tale?

interesting that it started with a baby and then moved to people of all ages?

oh they don’t know the cause of the quirks? interesting

((why do I feel like finding out the answer to that is gonna be like A Big Thing™ at some point in the series))

I really like the visuals they put with this exposition?? idk why it’s just,,, very appealing

also his voice is very nice to listen to tbh, so that’s a definite plus

I hate it when the main character’s voice is super annoying

but like how long ago was it that this started? he just said “before long”

I like that in this universe they actually acknowledge that hey comic books are a thing and this whole superheroes/villains/powers thing is kind of ridiculous bc it’s legit like playing out scenes straight from those comic books but also this is real life and it’s actually happening and really does pose a lot of danger and complications to a lot of people, so we’re going to treat it as something real and serious and affecting us

I might’ve spoken too soon but I really hope they don’t blow that mindset

I feel like too often superhero shows/movies just either completely gloss over the effects this stuff has on society as a whole, or it’s like a completely new thing for them, like there’s never been the concept of a fictional superhero or a comic book there before.

“was an age of heroes”??? oh no what happens

k but why is this guy dressed like the ‘do not cross’ lines

kind of a lame hero costume tbh :/

why. does he have. sleeves. but no shirt.

edna mode would never do you like that honey go see her

“Death Arms”?? what kind of alias is that?? also wouldn’t it make more sense for arms to be uncovered than his chest, then??

“The Punching Hero”

I’m sorry I Cannot take this guy seriously

waterbending??

asdkfdls idk why but this firehose guy really reminds me of that one alchemist from fmab with the top hat and the monocle and the peg leg that spun like a top and Scar murked

“rescue specialist” see?? that makes sense!! it makes me so happy that they’re actually thinking more about the worldbuilding and how dangerous scenarios would work if 80% of the population had powers of different kinds, beyond “big bad guy meet big good guy. punch punch good guy wins”

also dear god thank you for putting someone on crowd control I know I was just saying it was great these people weren’t really treating this like the end of the world and it is good that they were mostly staying back by themselves but. they were still standing very close to an ongoing fight. priorities, people. self preservation. they are things. that I do not believe most people in superhero universes have in the slightest.

aww he’s too short

(but is he shorter than edward elric)

((do we know))

(((somebody please tell me if this information is available)))

alsdfkj l;a that guy calling in late bc the train got held up by the villain... do you think that’s another equivalent of “oh...I’m...sick... yeah, totally, I’m sick” and “my dog ate my homework” to them? “there was a villain attack” or “some idiot on my block decided to show off their quirk and it got out of hand”

ope Big Hero™ is here

...why am I surprised that they have fans?? I mean I guess that makes sense they’re basically celebrities and public figures right?

okay Big Hero™ is Kamui got it

wait no that is not the Big Hero™

but they are another hero and their name is Kamui got it

“Kamui Woods” ok that’s actually helpful I was gonna ask what his skin was supposed to be bc I didn’t think it was scales and it does look kind of like bark... Now going to take that as permission to assume it’s the latter

kamui kind of reminds me of some pokemon but I’m not sure which one?? I’m sorry idk pokemon v well but thy def remind me of one of them

“...a fAnBOY” he looks and sounds like he just tricked someone into confessing to murder why is he so smug about that smh

you know what. speaking of. I don’t get why everyone views being a fan of something/someone as something to be embarrassed or ashamed about?? why do people make fun of other people for it? why do we treat it like some big dark secret we try to hide? when did liking something become a bad thing? like?? sorry I have hobbies and interests and you don’t? sorry I think this person is talented? sorry I thought this book was life-changing? sorry I listen to this album so much because it’s good? sorry this show made me laugh during a really rough time? like goddamn it’s nobody’s business what you like unless you’re trying to force it on you when you’ve asked them to stop or it’s hurting someone? if they’re being safe and respectful about it for everyone involved then there shouldn’t be a problem? stop making people feel like freaks or be scared to enjoy something just a little too much? just let people have good things in life and consume the media that makes them happy? it has little to no effect on you? I don’t get why it’s you’re problem?? sorry to get all soapboxy this is something that’s always really annoyed me

does kamui have flowers on their belt

icon

k but isn’t wood like... really easy to break tho

I mean... comparatively speaking?

“illegal use of powers during rush hour traffic” alsfjsadlkf

wait so he’s listing charges for the guy, does that mean heroes are officially licensed here and can actually arrest people? and... actually work with law enforcement?? gasp no wait but I thought that was impossible except for The One Officer On The Inside That The Hero Has Convinced Of Their Cause™

hold up... “assault, robbery, and illegal use of powers during rush hour traffic... you are the incarnation of evil” ...bro chill lmao

I mean those aren’t good things but,,,, buddy “evil” can get so much worse holy shit sunflower child has no idea what’s in store for them

the show can do a hell of a lot even if they decide not to go that dark

well deku did say he was new

also off topic but I just looked it up and DEKU IS HALF A FOOT TALLER THAN ED

I’M SORRY BUT THAT’S HILARIOUS

CAN YOU IMAGINE THIS EXCITED GREEN CHILD MEETING ED THE GREMLIN ELRIC AND JUST TOWERING OVER HIM

he’d probably get along well w al though so ed would have to like him anyways

ok but back to bnha

ope kamui just got upstaged

but honestly?? he was actin a lil cocky and she seems like a queen so I ain’t mad about it

oh great creeps are everywhere apparently

YES THANK YOU THEY NEED TO INCLUDE SUPERPOWERS IN LEGISLATION SOMEHOW OTHERWISE PEOPLE CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING GEEZ

just. more worldbuilding that I appreciate.

jfc they muzzled him?

ok i wasn’t that mad about kamui being upstaged (idk why I kinda like the guy) but now she’s acting a little too cocky for me and I feel kind of bad for Death Arms and Backdraft (?) because they definitely do deserve at least a little credit

yes. official. overseen by the government. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a good idea bc I’m not getting into the whole mess the MCU basically did regarding that, but it really does add to the worldbuilding and making it seem more realistic/draw you in a little more because you can bet that would be a thing that would actually happen in some capacity if such a large percentage of the population had superpowers, and crime was at an all-time high at the same time, with normal methods without powers likely not doing much to combat that, and it being even harder because everyone’s is different

wow so they really do have roles similar to celebrities huh?

I actually love how he’s analyzing the new hero

that’s!! the good!!! nerdery!!!!

ngl thought that guy was gonna be like “well that’s never gonna happen” lmao glad he didn’t turn out to be an asshole

this guy’s hair and his sweater need an upgrade

I’m sorry honey it’s just not a Look™

I mean ngl I’d probably wear it but also I am the absolute last person to look to for a good idea of fashion so

wow we hate asshole teachers

this kid’s hair grows wtf

they seriously just break out their quirks when they get annoyed?? I mean me too probably but

oh wait he’s not totally an asshole

but that still is kind of a dick move because even if it seems really really likely that most of them do, a lot of them probably feel like that’s just what’s expected of them or that that’s their best bet at an ok life, or they don’t think they’ll actually be able to get a career as a hero, and he has to know that there are kids (or at least one) in his class who don’t have powers and who will probably be shut down at every turn on that career track??

also what is it with the absurd number of people whose hair grows/flys/whatever and whose hands change chape and/or elongate

the girl who just throws up the rock n roll sign is my favorite

also why does this teacher remind me of gilderoy lockhart

I get that his eye thing is part of his quirk... but does he face no consequences health-wise from putting his grubby fingers all over his eyeballs?? you don’t know where your hands have been

ah

the famed bakugo

we finally meet

you seem like a cocky asshole and if I remember correctly you have firepowers

you know who else seemed like cocky assholes and one point or another and had firepowers??

roy mustang and zuko

and one of those guys is an awkward, angry turtleduck, and the other one is a rightly smug bastard who succeeded in pulling a coup on the government who was surveilling him and holding half his team hostage

so yeah I have a feeling I’m gonna like this guy

probably

at some point

eventually

it might take a while

“the only place worthy of me” oh dear

All Might!! Big Hero™ has a name!!

oh being a hero solely bc you want to be rich and popular? lame

aklsdfsjaslkfd teach just callin deku out in front of everyone

r.i.p.

it was nice having you as a main character for eight whole minutes I’m sorry you have to face death-by-embarrassment you deserved better

ope

bakugo doesn’t want anyone stealin his thunder

lemme guess deku is also his Main Rival™ or at least will be

awwwww poor guy

how much you wanna bet he gets the highest scores in all the exams bc he studies the heroes so much and that’s how he gets in

that lady got forcefields for her quirk? damn she lucked out

“this cash is mine” *drops cash*

are all the heroes like fine mt. lady can deal w the guy she keeps stealing all our credit anyway so there’s no point??

....is that all might?

k but... y’all should be taking notes on the heroes too if you want a better chance at that career and better schools for it? I know they’re probably making fun of it bc he doesn’t have a quirk but still

also I find it really interesting that the kids all act like the quirks are absolutely everything but at that scene on the street earlier people were complaining about missing the days they didn’t have to worry about “every rando w a quirk” or something... like maybe it’s because the kids grew up w it? Idk just the difference in mindset between (presumably) generations seems cool to look into

wow we love bullies so much

no we don’t pls stop you’re not as cool as you think you are

DESTROYING SOMEONE’S NOTEBOOK/JOURNAL/SKETCHBOOK IS ONE OF THE MOST DICK MOVES SOMEONE CAN MAKE CHANGE MY MIND

alright bakugo you’ve definitely moved onto my shitlist for the moment

don’t stay there

well you know what they say about greatness... some people are destined for it, yeah, but some become it, and some have it thrust upon them

cliches are there for a reason buddy

and either way... I could be wrong but... there doesn’t seem like anything great or heroic about bullying people... I mean idk that’s just my opinion but

god I hope they eat bakugo alive at ua

deku I know you’re a sunshine child but you have to get in now. you have to. out of pure spite. please.

yeah, friend 1b is right buddy...

destroy him deku

DESTROY THEM DEKU

oh suicide jokes huh

bakugo you’re on thin fucking ice you’ve just moved way up in my shit list

wow I hate him <3

EXACTLY

THANK YOU DEKU

I hate it when shows have someone make a suicide joke like that and just? no one addresses it?? or the characters don’t seem to realize that it needs addressing, at least to themselves??? so this is refreshing

voiced my thoughts exactly

he really is an idiot

NO BUDDY YOUR DREAMS ARE STILL POSSIBLE AND VALID

YOUR NOTES ARE SALVAGEABLE

he really is a jerk deku you’re right

awww little deku is so cute

alright I’m gonna make a prediction

this is his mom right

is this gonna be

another

dead anime mom?

and lemme guess she always told him she was sure he’d be a hero/she knew he’d become one, and then she died, and that’s why he’s so set on it

probably not

but just... placing my bets now

w h a t  is this child doing

he’s a hair’s breadth away from head-desking

are we... just gonna... ignore that robbery that was happening on the street a few minutes ago

OKAY WE GET IT YOU’RE HERE CAN YOU GO BACK TO SAVING PEOPLE THEY’RE STILL IN DANGER

HIS CACKLES I CAN’T

alsdkjf;lsjk I feel bad for him but also,,, that transition was gold

but also the face his mom made before he started laughing... she knew he probably wouldn’t get one didn’t she

but why do they assume it won’t happen if they don’t get it by a certain age? they said after that baby people all around the world were getting powers, and showed people of all different ages when they said so. that implies that they got those powers at those ages, after the baby was born but not when they were children themselves? like yeah there’s probably some point where you’d consider them “aged out” and therefore less likely to get a quirk but... she just said he’s in kindergarten.

fourth generation? so the appearance of quirks isn’t a super recent thing then

they can tell if someone is going to manifest a quirk or is starting to by looking at x-rays?

also I know I’m seriously overusing the word “interesting” but

maybe I’m reading too far into this but it’s also kind of interesting that his father and his (current) main antagonist have such similar powers?

OH!!!! lore drop!! kind of!!! that’s a really interesting (wow there it is again) thing they chose to be an indicator for that kind of thing in this universe

*cue izuku contemplating chopping off his pinky toes*

I feel like... all might’s... not gonna be that great....

DEAR LORD HOW MANY TEARS CAN THIS CHILD HOLD IN HIS EYES

also ngl when little deku’s eyes are wide and he doesn’t move he looks really creepy and kind of like a child-sized doll

like pinocchio

how sure are we that deku isn’t made of wood

hmmmmmmmmm I do love this animation

ah Internal Angst™

the fuck is that laughter??

skin suit? no thanks

but guess we aren’t ignoring that earlier scene

yeah all might’s in the city alright

he’s gonna break this up isn’t he

yepppppp that’s him

idk I think alex louise armstrong did it better sorry bud :/

“texas smash”??

he just... punched liquid apart

this kid’s still gonna go flying and hit the ground hard buddy thanks for your help

oh he stuck around

and he’s not hurt too bad

“justicing”

he’s using the city’s sewer system being difficult to navigate as his excuse for why he wasn’t paying attention to keeping bystanders safe like he “usually” does?

the armstrongs do the sparkle better

a;ldkfsdlfls this is really funny to watch ngl

“that’s... a pretty good point.” yeah no shit lmao

I love how he’s just. awkwardly patting deku.

yeah he’s gonna end up accidentally adopting this kid isn’t he

is he hurt?? or did the other guy actually take him over while deku was unconscious??

nah I think he’s just hurt I’m p sure he really did get the guy

but still

that was... a big boom.... that’s not good

he’s just.... abandoning this kid on the rooftop??

but also he probably really does have to go if blood is coming out of his mouth

do heroes in this universe have secret identities?

I feel like yes but also no??

watch as this guy’s like “I don’t have a quirk either” and he’s just. like. an armstrong or something

that or he’s gonna crush this kid’s dreams and be like “no, it’s not possible” and I will be forced to ensure deku becomes the most successful hero ever out of Even More Pure Spite™ even if he idolizes the guy

oh yeah he’s gonna get his dreams crushed

IS ALL MIGHT GONNA VOUCH FOR HIM AND GET HIM AN OPPORTUNITY AT UA BC HE FEELS BAD FOR HIM

hmm this outro kinda slaps too

overall feelin good, like it so far, definitely think I won’t have trouble continuing watching at least for now

[jcmorrigan]

NINE FAVORITE TELEVISION SHOWS IN POSTERS

Got tagged by @gavillain​ again for favorite shows in posters, and this one, the challenge was narrowing them down. I can’t even name HMs because there are too fucking many but anyway, here’s a rundown

1. I think RWBY is my biggest consistent favorite. It grabbed my attention right away upon debut and is only growing stronger and stronger. Listen, if I don’t just throw a bitch tantrum and stop liking something the moment it kills off my favorite villain, you KNOW it’s good stuff, and my boi was dead five volumes ago. Anyway, if you’ll pardon me, I have to go sob in the corner over Qrow and Clover for another thirty minutes, THEY DESERVED SO MUCH BETTERRRRRRR

2. Big Hero 6 is the only other long-running current show that I can really say I’ve committed to whole hog. It’s EXACTLY my brand, which is weird in this day and age. It seems like as things shuffle the idea of “villain of the week” to the back, this is the one series that’s just like “No, let’s give our plucky heroes development by pitting them against a rotating deck of familiar foes.” But really, I can’t just say this without explaining that it feels like a revival of...

3. The more I go on, the more I realize that even if I don’t talk about it, Kim Possible changed me as a human being. My early relationship with villains was...weird. Too long of a story for here. But KP offered me a constant plate of fun baddies I could enjoy without strings. You can tell by now I’m also one for wacky comedy and bold young heroes learning about themselves as they save the world, and those can both be traced right back here.

4. The Huntsman put his blade to my throat and demanded I include American Dragon: Jake Long here. But no, as a young mythology buff, I was captivated by this show’s wide catalog of multicultural magical creatures and creative ways to implement fantasy elements and high stakes into yet another high school coming-of-age comedy.

5. Okay I’m CHEATING because Epithet Erased isn’t technically a show-show but I wanted to include it. Despite certain DRAMA I’VE HAD in this fandom (only ask if you REALLY want to know), I keep coming back to this cast and wanting to declare them all my children. Let Giovanni adopt Molly 2k21. Let Mera have a prison break 2k21. Let me marry Giovanni 2krightfuckingnow. Also this is the kind of off-the-wall humor that I can’t even deal with (”Please, call me Indus. Mr. Barrier is my Epithet!”).

6. BUT IF YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIPS - My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic took a huge dive after S4, and as for the fanbase...uh...we’ll just...we’ll just leave that one alone because it’s way too much to unpack. But even if I did go through several years’ worth of feeling sour on Discord because of That Redemption Arc, he still remains one of my ultimate favorite villains. The girls are a road map for how I want my perfect hero team. And the entire setting is just filled with so much magic and color.

7. Storm Hawks might be one of the fastest binges I’ve ever done in my life because I had to have more. This turned out to be a mistake because the ep “Payback” was extremely triggering and never fucking got followed up on and I just blazed through without processing, but I’ve since made my peace with it. It’s got more unconventional fantasy/sci-fi worldbuilding, and though every stock trope you can imagine is here, that’s what makes it a good comfort series. Sometimes you don’t have to reinvent the wheel; you just need to see the bumbling comedic egomaniac learn humility in a series of madcap shenanigans with pirates. Also: STORK, MY DUDES

8. Mozenrath. Mozenrath, Mozenrath. Mozenrath Mozenrath Mozenrath; Mozenrath. Ayam Aghoul.

9. I intentionally put Gotham last because I wanted you all to read through eight posters of brightly-colored animated series and then crash into it. But the thing is, and I wanna do a longer meta post on this someday, even though Gotham has a noir aesthetic and heavy subject matter, it’s a series for adults that doesn’t forget what we loved about superhero shows as kids. Flamboyant villains of the week, heroes who really try their best, a dash of zany character-driven humor, relationships filled with heart, epic villain team-ups, over-the-top climaxes. Even though this series had its weak points, such as the Galavan arc and all the stuff surrounding Ra’s (though that latter one is more of a matter of opinion), I feel like it ended so strong that it stands out almost as a perfect series to me. In a world where our favorite long-running series just seem to refuse to resolve in a satisfying manner, THIS IS THE ONE that ties up all the plots in the end - the will-they-or-won’t-they straight couple ties the knot, the gay villains go as gay as they can possibly be under contract and FINALLY make peace with each other, the character I thought was absolutely the weakest in S1 managed to loop from sucky hero to badass villain to sassy antihero, you get ONE OF *THOSE* ENDINGS WHERE THE MAIN HEROES AND MAIN VILLAINS TEAM UP TO HOLD THE LINE AGAINST A BIGGER THREAT, I just - I’m not over it and I won’t be. Though the fact that not a single S4 poster I found had the entire J-Squad on it? BOO, YOU WHORES

Tagging no one. Do if you want

[onestowatch]

Ant Clemons Is Just Getting Started [Q&A]

Photo By: Dominique Ross

Ant Clemons is ready for the spotlight. The LA-based singer/songwriter has been a budding songwriter in the LA scene for a few years now. He’s secured placements with Luke James, Kali Uchis, and Noah Cyrus to name a few. His biggest break was when he appeared on “All Mine,” track three on Kanye West’s 2018 project, Ye. Since then, Clemons has been nominated for multiple Grammys, collaborated with Pharrell and The Neptunes, performed with Kanye West at Coachella, and much more. But where did his story start?

Ant Clemons grew up in Willingboro, New Jersey. Willingboro is a small town about thirty minutes outside of Philadelphia. The oldest of three children, Ant described his childhood as a creatively expressive environment. Besides singing in his church choir, and his budding career as a Michael Jackson impersonator, young Ant would perform with his sisters at family events. “We wanted to be the Jackson Five so bad, but my parents only had three kids.” The creative gene came from his parents. His father had a famous falsetto and his mother was a trained dancer. Music was always played in their household. “I equate my childhood to The Cosby Show. We had some great times. I remember having amazing times at Christmas. Music was always on in the house. Someone was always singing or trying to sing.”

Clemons’ seemingly perfect childhood definitely had its share of trials and tribulations. Around 2009, his parents got divorced and he ended up moving with his mom to a small town called Pennsauken, right outside of Philadelphia. In the wake of the divorce, Clemons began taking his singing and songwriting more seriously. Shortly after moving to Pennsauken, he met Frankie Hill, Julian Tabb, Michael Stargel, Ross Richards, and Theo Robinson. Like Clemons, they were also into making music. Shortly after, they formed a group called The Committee. “To this day, they’re some of my best friends. We were all working on music 24/7. So, it was a great way to transition into my new surroundings and distract me from some of the things I was going through.”

Being a part of The Committee helped Clemons sharpen his writing and singing skills. To make money, Clemons started waiting tables at a Red Lobster in his town. As his ambitions grew, he wanted to get closer to the music industry and make his career as a songwriter a reality. For a lot of people, the first step in that journey is tasking a trip to Los Angeles. Describing his first impression of LA, Clemons says “I only stayed for like a week and a half, but I knew from the time I walked out of LAX that this is where I needed to be. It’s nice all the time. Everybody was always smiling. This is the best place in the world. Like, I have to be here”

Lucky for him, his bosses at Red Lobster were extremely supportive of his dream. “They knew that music was my number one priority. So, when opportunities popped up in LA, they were more than supportive. They wiped tell me “go out there for as long as you need. Your job is here for you when you come back.” His family was also a major source of support for him. “Having supportive parents was everything. At the time, I was living with my mom. So, she was the main push, but both of them are just hella supportive of anything my sisters and I ever wanted to do. I know that not everybody grows up with that kind of support. But I had amazing parents that set an amazing foundation for me to just be whoever I wanted to be. None of my successes is possible without them.”

In 2017, Clemons made the full time move to LA. When he first got to LA, he was sleeping on couches and floors. Triangle Park, an LA-based music production crew, let him crash with them. But there was one caveat - He had to write one song per day. Reminiscing on that time, Clemons said “I just knew God wouldn't place me anywhere that I wouldn’t be able to succeed. I had a motivation get off the floor, so I was working really hard. Back when I lived near Philly, it was normal to make seven or eight songs a day. When I came out to LA, I saw that people were working at a different pace, so I put my head down and kept going. I learned that what I thought was normal was going to be the thing that set me apart from everybody else.

Things started moving for Clemons in Los Angeles when he met fellow Willingboro native, Ryan Toby. Ryan Toby was part of the early 2000s R&B/Hip-Hop group, City High. Bonding over music and their hometown connection, they started making music together. This relationship led to Clemons working with Luke James which is how he landed his first placement as a songwriter on “Drip.” Around this time, he was also introduced to the Producer Bongo By The Way. When they first got in the studio together, they made eleven songs and they were locked in ever since. Bongo would go on to introduce Clemons to Jeremih which was the catalyst for Clemons’ big break.

When Kanye West was recording Ye in Wyoming, he asked Jeremih to come to Wyoming and work on music for the album. One of the ideas he played for Kanye was an idea that he made with Ant Clemons. This idea turned into “All Mine.” It was at this point that Clemons’ life would change.

Being featured on a song with Kanye West can instantly change your life and bring you a massive amount of attention. Describing that time of transition, Clemons says, “Ye’s album dropped in June and by September, I was with him 24/7. We went from Chicago to SNL in New York, back to Chicago, and then to Uganda. It was all happening so fast. It was crazy.”

Entering the orbit of a revered musician like Kanye West could be very unnerving, but Clemons said being around West was quite the opposite. “The crazy part of working on music with Ye was that he was just a big fan of whatever I was doing. He would say ‘Bro, I want you to just be you. Keep being you. Do whatever makes you, you. Just keep doing you.’”

Fast forward to Coachella 2019. Kanye West has invited Clemons to perform a song, “Water”, made earlier that week, for an Easter edition of Sunday Service. Describing that moment, Clemons said, “For me, it was like when the Jackson 5 performed with Diana Ross for the first time on the Ed Sullivan Show. It was amazing. I'm performing at Coachella for the first time by praising the Lord with one of my favorite artists of all time. God is too good”

“Water” would go on to appear on West’s gospel album, Jesus Is King, later that year. In recent years, West has shifted his musical focus to Gospel with the release of Jesus Is King and the upcoming Jesus Is Born. Knowing that Clemons is a man of faith, I asked him how his faith has helped him navigate the treacherous nature of the music industry. He said, “God’s timing is always immaculate, and I learned not to question what happens. If you have a strong relationship with God, he will lead you through any situation”

A lot of artists would be happy living in the light of Kanye West. But Clemons has way more to do. Speaking on his transition from songwriter to a solo act, Clemons said, “I wanted my first official release to be something undeniable. I wanted something that showcased my songwriting abilities but was also relatable. I think “Four Letter Word” is such an amazing song. I want my music to be played now and ten years from now. Not only is it an ode to a relationship I was in but it’s about my relationship with God. I was happy to talk about it in a cooler way with up-tempo and contemporary sounds and being able to work with Timbaland on the song was a dream come true. My goal for the project was to tell my story and approach it like the artists I was inspired by.”

His debut EP, HAPPY 2 BE HERE has something for everybody. “I wanted to tell my story. I wanted to take the listener on a journey with cool concepts. I wanted to talk about love. I wanted to have something people could dance to. I wanted to tell stories. Most importantly, I just wanted to create songs people could listen to every day.”

I would say Clemons has achieved his goal. Look out for more music and collaborations from Clemons. Stream HAPPY 2 BE HERE below.

[irwinkitten]

carry on | m.c

requested: kinda? it’s part two of the bi!reader series. pairing: bi!reader x Michael notes: so this is part two to the bi!reader series. i’ve been working on this for the last two? three? weeks now. i had only intended to be like, 5k at most? maybe 6k at a push. but here we are, 30k words later. just a quick thank you to @burncrashbromance for setting this series in motion (you can find in love here.) i would also like to thank @glitterprincelu, @astroashtonio , and @hereforlukescruff for being personal cheerleaders when i needed them. (especially to allie as well who let me use her name, i love u soulmate #1) i want to also thank @hotmessmichael who kept reminding me that it wasn’t entirely shit. also shout out to @calumh-excess for being moral support through the last half of the fic and reminding me to take sanity breaks. love u rum auntie h. massive shout out to the rest of the girls in the nothin’ but love gc too ( @notoriouslyhood, @meetashthere, @valentinelrh, @softforcal) y’all have been my fucking rocks when i wanted to smack my head against heavy objects. 

warnings: angst, fluff, very slow burn.  word count: thirty fucking thousand words. with a couple of extra.  (30,125 words to be precise. 79 pages in google docs.)

---

“Y/N, you need to go, you’ve still got to get through security!” Her mum called out, wrapping her daughter in a tight hug.

It was going to be a long flight to LA, and she was nervous as anything.

“Promise us you’ll at least call whilst you’re out there? I’m going to miss hearing you strumming away.” At this, she laughed, a soft grin on her lips as she kissed her mother's cheek.

“I promise. Please don’t make me cry, I’ve still got to say goodbye to Allie.” At this, her mum chuckled before planting another kiss to her forehead before letting her go.

Y/N practically threw herself in her girlfriend’s arms, peppering her face in kisses, earning a laugh from Allie.

“Look at you, getting your shot in LA. I’m so damn proud of you.” And she knew that her girl was over the moon, but the tears shared between the two still spoke of the worries and sadness they felt at the distance that was about to come between them.

“I’ll text as often as possible babygirl, I promise.”

“Y/N!” She groaned at her name being called before leaning forward, pressing a soft kiss goodbye to her girlfriend.

“I love you Allie, don’t forget that.”

And then she was practically rushing away, carry on in one hand with her guitar slung over her shoulder, waving to her girl and her family.

---

The journey felt exhausting. When she’d left, it had been eight am. Yet as she landed, the time told her it was only ten am and she quickly realised today was going to be a very long one.

Managing to get an Uber to the hotel that was booked for her, she got her stuff checked in and sent the message to her mum and Allie that she had arrived safely in LA and that she was setting off to explore for the day.

‘Take care of yourself’ came from her mother. ‘Eat all the ice cream you can today and send me selfies.’ came from Allie.

Sending a quick message to one of the producers she was meeting with the next day to let them know she’d arrived safely, she didn’t expect an invite for lunch in LA.

‘That way you’ll know a friendly face when you come into the studio and maybe we can talk over some of the ideas you have. It’s handy to go in prepared when you’re recording.’

And that was what led her to a small cafe, sat in the sunshine with John Feldmann.

“How are you liking LA so far?” She shrugged.

“It’s more humid than back in Britain. I don’t know how my hair is going to survive a month whilst we get this done.” John laughed.

“You’ll adapt. You’ll miss this humidity back home, I can bet it.”

“Oh I know I will.”

“I’ve managed to get one of the more bigger studios, I remembered you putting that small spaces whilst recording weren’t ideal?” At this, she laughed.

“It’s because I like to move. I can’t stay still unless I’m sat at the piano, but even then I’m more than likely rocking out.” John joined in with the laughter.

“I think I’m going to like working with you. I had to rearrange a few schedules, but overall none were bothered by it. I think we gave a few people the lie-ins the desperately wanted.”

“As long as I haven’t inconvenienced anyone. I’m still amazed that it was my track that was picked. Like, there were so many that seemed to much better than mine.” She admitted softly and John smiled. He knew the team had picked right.

“You simply turned the camera on and went for it. No recording equipment, no overlays of other instruments. Just you and the guitar. And it was such a refreshing and catchy sound, how could we not pick you?” Her cheeks had gone as red as a tomato.

“Glad to understand how I got picked. Honestly, this is like, a dream. Like, I’m gonna wake up in five minutes and my girl is gonna give me a kiss good morning before she’s off to work and then I’m gonna roll out of bed to my own job.” At this, John laughed.

“It can kind of feel that way sometimes. Did you want to head to the studio today to check out what you’re working with? I know today was meant to be introductory and giving you a chance to settle, but I know that knowing where you’re going into will help.” She nodded in understanding.

“Actually, I like the idea of that.”

---

The studio had been beyond her wildest dreams. The mixing board alone was bigger than her usual recording space, so the actual studio was a dream to be in.

She had met a few other faces that were going to be helping her and she recognised what John was doing. He was helping her build connections away from making the actual music.

But she networked herself well, managed to get a few details and her new start felt promising. She’d heard bad things about LA, but she knew that she needed to experience every bit of it to get her feet stuck in.

The day had felt like a whirlwind but it meant that at nine pm, she passed out having barely crawled under the covers.

The next day, felt almost like another whirlwind. Because she was staying in LA for the month, there was more time in the studio and with other writers to perhaps add or help adjust the songs.

What had pained her was having to pick a list of songs, so she simply brought the entire book that held her life in its pages, her heart and soul falling into the lyrics. It would be easier for others to see her work, to see the highest and lowest moments of her life.

And that was terrifying as fuck.

She greeted John with ease and she had to stop herself from having a starstruck moment as she realised who she was writing with.

“This is Alex Gaskarth and Michael Clifford, guys, this is Y/N.” John introduced and she shook their hands, her brain kicking into high gear as they sat down in the various chairs, a small coffee table between them.

“Nice to meet you. Feldy hasn’t shut up about finding real raw talent for the last week and a half.” This made her laugh.

“I just play the guitar and sing. If people see it as talented then I’ll roll with it. But it was hard earned talent.” Michael chuckled as he shook her hand.

“Good, it gives me less of a job when it comes to producing. I’ll be one of the producers for your EP.” She felt her lips grow even wider.

“Nice to know I’m in safe hands then.”

“Shall we get started?” Alex indicated to the book sat on the coffee table, and it was only a moment of hesitation before she nodded her head and opened it, sharing her fears and joys with total strangers to find and create the right songs.

---

The writing session seemed to be successful.

Finding the right songs seemed to take a lot of time, going over the melodies she had in her head which might or might not work, the others pitching their own ideas into the creation.

They had at least agreed on six songs, especially with both Alex and Michael finding songs that they refused to budge on, saying that both had to make the final EP list.

John had watched in amusement as they argued their cases for their picks to go on the list until Y/N had rolled her eyes at both of them and added them to the list, making both men pause. John chuckled.

“Don’t worry about that last spot, the record company agreed to seven anyway, which means you can still record the cover.” He reassured her and she relaxed a little bit. That then sent the two men into a mode of writing a list of songs that would make a potential album if she were ever to do one.

“With so many songs, and so many ideas, you might as well use this opportunity to get a tracklist for a potential album and maybe some demo versions. If you get picked up by a record label, if you’re prepared, you’ll shoot straight to the top.” Alex explained and she nodded her head.

“We made that mistake when we signed with Capitol. We only had an EP that we’d produced ourselves, but there was no album music. It took us another six months before we got there and it was in between tours. We realised fast, that anything we wrote or created need to be noted down as possibilities.” Michael continued and she found herself amused but understood the help they were offering.

So they continued through the songs, creating the tracklist as if she were making an album as well.

Eventually, time ran out for that day and Y/N stretched the kinks from her back as they stood up and exchanged numbers.

“We should be able to get that first beat tracked, and if you’re cool with it, could I bring a couple of friends who could help us with the rhythm on the last few songs? I’ve got a good beat but Ash is the only person who will be able to translate what I’m trying to explain.”

“Wait, you’re asking me?” The question had fallen from her lips before her cheeks flushed in shock. “Wait, sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound so rude---uh---the last person I tried to produce with, they just brought people in and honestly, it made me hate the song.”

Michael frowned at her words before shaking his head.

“No, no, don’t apologise. That’s why I wanted to ask your permission. You don’t just bring people in.” Her scoffed and she chuckled.

“I think I can trust you to make sure that the beats wont get lost in translation.” Almost immediately, the book was opened to a semi-fresh page, the words being written down in a margin.

The three males all laughed as she snapped the book shut.

“You’re a breath of fresh air. C’mon, I’m hungry and we need to get to know you as a person, not just this British artist who struck gold.” Alex slung an arm over her shoulder and the group left the studio.

She could feel her excitement build in her stomach in anticipation of the next four weeks.

As promised, Michael had roped in his bandmates, Calum and Ashton to help with the rhythm on a few of her songs and when Ashton managed to understand what Michael was trying to convey, she felt her heart soar as the song began to craft itself.

That was when she very quietly asked if they could re-record the song she’d lost love for.

John was immediately for it and the others couldn’t find a reason to say no, so they listened to the song.

“The tune is right, but there’s too much going on. It’s like they were trying to sabotage your work or attempt to make house music. Still figuring that out.” Ashton muttered, making her laugh .

“I think it was more sabotage than anything, but I felt that I could never release the song. They absolutely ruined the song which I loved so much and I just, didn’t know how to make it good again. But seeing you get what Michael was trying to say, I want to trust myself and my instincts and actually get across the sound I want.”

So it became another brainstorming session. Thankfully, this was a full studio day, so Ashton had her play the bare tune on the guitar, nothing else as he got a feel for the stripped back version.

Calum, as she played, plucked a few strings and suddenly this riff was born and they were all thankful that Michael had set his phone to record these sessions.

It was with relief when they’d tracked the music and Michael promised he’d work on it separately to the EP.

“Consider it a special release. It’s the one song you loved, so it gets to be a single.” He shrugged and suddenly it felt very real to her.

The time difference between her and Allie made it a pain occasionally, especially when she’d called Allie on the break they had and lost track of time to the point that one of the boys had to come out to get her, but they didn’t give her grief for it.

“It’s difficult when your loved ones are in a totally different timezone.” John had smiled after another apology fell from her lips. “We get it, so don’t fret.”

“It’s just, with this chance I’ve had, my girl went for the promotion offer they had and she managed to get it. So she wanted to call me before they headed out to celebrate.” This earned her soft smiles from the guys.

As they tracked the various parts, they began to ask Y/N questions about home which also led to questions about Allie.

“How long have you two been together?”

“We celebrate two years at the end of next month.” The grin had already worked its way onto her lips. “Doing this distance is difficult, it was bad enough when I was doing small tours as a support and she couldn’t come with me. But she’s been one of the biggest supports, even before we started dating.”

“What, so you were friends to lovers?” Alex teased and the answering grin made him laugh.

“We were. We were the real cliche couple and everyone both loved and hated us for it.” This drew laughter from the group.

“Well at least we know who to rely on for the cheesy one liners and love songs.” This earned a snort of amusement.

“Please, my love songs pale in comparison. I mean, Stella is the best love song out there.” This set the group off in laughter again as she got called up to track the guitar.

---

As the month carried on, Y/N was introduced to so many faces at various functions and small parties that the guys hosted.

They had taken her to one of the open mic nights, getting her up on the stage in front of a different crowd to see how people would react and they loved her.

Especially when Ashton streamed one of the songs on Instagram and soon her socials were gaining a lot of traction and that was when the pressure was beginning to get felt with producing the tracks.

There were both good and bad days, the good days outweighing the bad, but sometimes they used the bad days to fuel the more emotional songs and that was when things began to fall into place.

It was at the end of the month after their final day in the studio that Michael had called Y/N as she was packing.

“I know you’re probably packing up, but you’ve still got three days in LA before you fly home. The guys and I were wondering if we could have a small get together to celebrate this new born friendship in the hopes that you’ll remember us when you’re rich and famous.” This had her laughing.

“Give me a couple of hours. I’m waiting for a call from Allie. I’ll text you when I’m done, yeah?”

“Sure, I’ll pick you up from the hotel.” And before she could protest, the call was cut.

When Allie called, she found herself smiling at how soft her girl looked, settled in bed with the duvet pulled around her, tired eyes lighting up.

“Hi baby.”

They talked about the last few days of the studio, as well as how Allie was settling into her newest role. She told her about the party and that it felt strange that they’d included her in their friendship group but Allie giggled.

“You’ve got friends for life in them, I can see it. I can’t wait to have you back in my arms.”

“A few more days and I’ll be home. Listen, I know it’s getting late. Get some rest baby, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good luck with work.”

“You’re too sweet. Love you.”

“Love you too, night.”

The call cut and she lay back on the bed for a moment, a wide smile on her lips before she finally sent a text to Michael.

‘Just got off the phone to Allie. Give me a bell when you get here.’

It was easy to find some of the nicer clothes she had for get togethers, but she knew it was going to be more relaxed. So she kept it easy with black skinny jeans and a floral print dress shirt.

Keeping it simple with her hair down and light make-up, when Michael sent her the text  to say he’d arrived, she was ready to go. Making sure she had her keycard and phone, she headed down and found Michael’s car easily.

The drive to his place had been filled with easy chatter. They talked about the chances of radio play and touring.

“To have my own tour would be the goal, but I know I need to start off as a support. Build up the fanbase and get people excited for my music before doing something like that.” Michael laughed.

“Nothing wrong with being a support. We never had the experience of being support for various acts. We got lucky with One Direction and then we were doing our own shows and having other bands support us. It was crazy.” This had made the both them them laugh as he pulled up to his place.

“I remember. I’ve been a fan of the band for a long time.” She teased him with a laugh. “Although I wouldn’t say no to being a support act for Harry Styles.”

“I don’t know whether to be amused or offended.” His lips turned into a pout as they entered his place and heads turned to greet the newcomer.

“Y/N! Nice to see you finally made it. Why is Mike pouting?”

“Because I said that I wouldn’t say no to being a support act for Harry Styles.” She deadpanned before grinning.

“Ouch. You wound us all.” Ashton clutched at his heart, making her laugh as she accepted a beer from Calum and sat down.

“Have you heard his heavenly voice? Please. I would die every night on the tour listening to him sing.”

“You’re digging the knife in here, you’ve literally got at least three other bands sat with you and you’re talking about Harry Styles.” She laughed loudly.

“C’mon, I know y’all play his album. You can’t deny the truth.”

They laughed as the conversation settled into talks of the future for the bands and the shows coming up, as well as the finished music.

“What about you, Y/N?” Her reverie broke as she looked up at Alex’s question.

“Sorry, I missed what you asked.”

“What are your plans for the future career wise?”

“Hopefully get this EP out, maybe get some bookings. I’m gonna have to do a lot of gigging to keep up my end of the rent till the EP gets released and just hope that I get picked up for a couple of tours.”

“Allie holds the nine to five job then?” Luke queried and she nodded.

“She got lucky with the company she’s with. She’s done nothing but thrive, whereas I was barely struggling through each day at my old job. This came at the right time for me, and I’m a big believer in fate.” They lifted their beers in response to that.

“Well, that’s what we also wanted you around for.” Luke began, sharing a glance with his bandmates.

“We want you to join us for the entirety of the world tour.” Michael finished and she felt her jaw drop as her mind worked out the dates and the countries.

“Holy shit, are you serious?” She sucked in a sharp breath, placing the bottle down as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Are you really fucking serious?” This earned her a few chuckles.

“Absolutely. We managed to convince our management that you’d be a good opener for the tour. And we even gave them a firm reason why you’d be a good fit for the tour.” Michael continued the explanation before tapping away at his phone.

Suddenly, familiar guitar notes began playing through the speakers and a wave of emotion flooded her, tears falling as the song she had long hated, began to play and she felt her heart swell.

“Well done, you made her cry.” John joked as she hastily wiped at the tears as the song finished and she laughed.

“You helped bring life back into a song I thought I was going to hate forever. You don’t know how much this means to me.” She finally got out and Michael beamed.

“We played it to our management and they absolutely loved it. There’s an official offer coming your way, but we wanted to be the first ones to actually ask and then congratulate you.”

“How can I say no? Oh my god you assholes!” This set off more laughter as they lifted their bottles.

“To the best fuckin’ tour and the next number one artist.” Michael chimed and she could feel her face flush at his words.

“To Y/N!” Everyone else responded and she laughed as she took a swig of beer with them, realising how fast everything was going to change now.

---

When the official offer came through the next morning, she called up Michael and just let out a shriek of excitement before he’d even greeted her.

This led him to laughing as she tried to get her words out, but only could make incoherent noises over the phone.

“That offer is a fucking dream! Michael what the hell did you four do to convince them?” Her brain and mouth had finally connected, the stunned shock wearing off as excitement began to build .

“We didn’t do anything! And good morning to you too, sunshine.” She could hear the yawn and glanced at the time.

“It’s ten am, Michael.”

“I know. In my time, that makes it like, seven am.” He muttered and she laughed.

“I have so many questions about touring though, and what I should pack. Fuck, this is going to be nine months and I’ve only toured for two weeks at most. I haven’t even told Allie yet, or my parents. What about-”

“Stop, please.” Michael whinged down the phone, making her pause her tirade. “Give me till lunch and we’ll bombard Ashton’s place for a group meeting so you know what to expect on tour.” She let out a shaky breath as she regained herself, stopping the flow of questions that were desperately trying to escape.

“Alright. I’ll hold off from telling them. Uh, would-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pick you up. Just be ready by one.” She let out a noise of relief and Michael laughed.

“Thank you Mike, see you in a few hours.” The call was cut and her eyes returned to the contract, her eyes going over every last part of it as she tried to get it into her head that this was really going to happen.

“Holy fuck, they’re never gonna believe this.” She muttered to herself as she half flung herself on the bed before an excited squeal left her lips.

---

Michael was leaning against the car waiting for her and he grinned as she ran from the doors of the hotel, half flinging herself at him, arms winding around his neck. His arms wound around her waist as he pulled her tightly.

“Well that’s a greeting and a half.”

“You guys got me on a nine month fucking tour, majority of my merch profits staying with me and a fucking record deal. How?” She pulled back, her lips in the biggest grin he’d seen the entire trip.

“We just showed them you. It was all of your talent that did it. They were really impressed by your work ethic, you didn’t slack during the production of your EP and they think that you’ve got some serious potential. I swear to you, we didn’t even have any kind of say. We just told them that we wanted you on the tour with us. It was management who decided to put you with us for the entire tour. As your stuff gets out and people get to know who you are, they’re almost certain you’ll be performing at award shows.” He explained as the two of them got into his car.

“Please don’t tease.” She whispered in shock and he laughed.

“You’d deserve it. Those songs fucking rule. Have you talked a release date for the EP?”

“They wanted it released at the end of January but decided to release it in March, before we fly out. They want fans to have time to learn my stuff and really get excited. Fuck, if this goes in the direction that you’re telling me, I’m going to have some kind of heart attack.” Michael laughed.

“Simply speaking it into existence. Y/N is going to have a number one award winning single and album. She is also going to play at awards shows and get nominations for awards. Best newcomer definitely.” His voice grew louder and she laughed, tears in her eyes.

“That’s the dream right there.”

“It’s gonna happen.” He smirked at her before pulling into Ashton’s drive.

“Please, when you guys release your album, mine will pale in comparison.” This had the two of them grinning as they entered the house.

Despite the drive having quietened her initial excitement, she couldn’t stop herself when she spotted the guys and gave them the same reaction that Michael had received.

This earned laughter from all of them, including Alex and John who were stood away from the group. But that didn’t stop her from giving them the same treatment.

“You guys have literally made every dream come true in the last month. I don’t know how to thank you guys for it, like, this is such an opportunity and I have so many questions about touring for so long. The longest I’ve gone on a tour is two weeks, yet this is nine months, touring the world twice. Not to mention-” Michael’s hand shot out, covering her mouth and stopping her in her tracks.

Calum snapped a photo as they laughed.

“Will you relax. You’ve got the pros of touring for long periods to help you and the old timers who have their own tricks.” Luke commented, ducking away from the punch that John sent to his arm, only to find himself in a headlock with Alex.

“Watch who you call oldtimer, kid.” They seemed to collapse into the couch in a heap and whilst they playfully wrestled about, the others egging the pair on, Michael slowly moved his hand from Y/N’s lips.

“Breathe. We’re here to help you prepare for this because we recognise that it’s a big jump from doing small tours to the longest tour of your career which goes around the world twice.” She let out a breath of air before nodding and grinning at Michael as he slung his arm across her shoulders.

“Quit playing about, we have a nervous artist who is about to get chucked in with the sharks.” He called over the noise and both Luke and Alex seemed to finally still, Luke’s head now resting in Alex’s lap, making her giggle as Calum shoved Luke’s legs off the sofa and sat down.

Once they were all seated, she went over the list of questions she’d mentally prepared and found herself tapping her fingers together, the excitement and anxiety seeming to kick in.

Part of her was dreading the prep for tour.

“Equipment. They want me to have a touring band which I have no issues with. But with the kit and stuff, I don’t know what’s going to happen there.” John smiled at that.

“They’ve already got a touring band ready for you. Most artists have their own, but the label want people who are familiar with the longer tours. What will happen with your own kit, so guitar and piano as well as any extra strings and the like, they’ll get a date set up for pick up. You just need to be ready. Keep one guitar with you at least as a just in case.” He explained and Michael nudged her, nodding to his phone that was recording.

“Okay, so something more simpler. Packing. What the fuck do I pack?”

“Don’t bother with hair products. You’ll be sharing our stylist on that. For each country, pick out several stage outfits that can get packed separately. That way they’ll be taken to the venue with everything else.” Luke explained and she found herself nodding once more.

“Pack for every kind of weather. Doesn’t matter if we’re at the start of the Australian summer, the weather can be so unpredictable. Try to pack at least three cases. One for light weight summer type clothing, one for the heavier stuff, so jeans, jackets and the like. Then one for shoes, towels and necessities. It might seem a lot now, but as you’re on the road, you realise how quick you go through things.” Ashton added on and she let out a soft ‘oh’.

“This is going to seem like a lot to begin with,” Alex started, catching her attention, “but in comparison, this is a small start to the list. You’ll most likely come home with another two suitcases, which management will probably pay for so don’t fret about having to buy one on the road. You will literally be packing up the majority of your life and putting it in a suitcase to travel with you. And that’s going to be tough to do, especially with your girl waiting at home for you.”

She could feel her heart sink a little bit. Nine months away from Allie.

“I think that’s gonna be the hardest part. How do you deal with that?” Her eyes drifted to John and Alex, and the boys didn’t take offence to the slight snub.

“It takes time and patience. There are going to be days where all you’ll get are a quick five minute call because of time difference. And it’s shit. But she can always fly out for a few days on tour, or whilst we’re over in England she can come to the shows and travel with us. It’s about compromising your time. You both have super important jobs and it just means you’ve gotta work at it.” John explained and she ran her fingers through the ends of her hair, tugging slightly.

“I’m just worried. It’ll be the longest we’ve been apart.”

“It’s tough. But she’ll stand by you. But you’ve both got to talk it out, so any frustrations. Because when that builds up, that leads to arguments and then that’s when problems start happening.” Alex chimed in and she let off a soft sigh.

“Okay, so I’m guessing that’s basics of tour, what about time off?”

—

When Y/N landed back home, she’d never felt more relief flood her than the moment her arms were wrapped around Allie tightly, her lips against hers as she savoured the sweet moment of reunion.

“Hi baby.” Her voice was soft and sweet, and she felt her insides turn to mush.

“Hi. I’ve missed you.” Allie beamed, pressing another soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips.

“Good. Your mum has already asked us to drop by for dinner tonight, so they can badger you about your time in LA. And I know you’ll be wide awake because of the time difference.” Allie teased her as they began the walk back to the car.

“Honestly, I could go on for days about how good LA was to me. Like, little old me, meeting all of the fuckin’ big wigs in the industry. I had Michael god-damn Clifford producing my EP and I formed a friendship with him? My teenage self combusted the second he shook my hand.” Allie laughed as they got her stuff into the boot of the car before they got into the car themselves.

The car journey back home from the airport was filled with Y/N prying information about their various friends whilst she’d been away as well as the promotion Allie had landed and the perks of the job.

Amidst getting the masses of washing done, and reconnecting after a month apart, it was as they lay in bed together, Allie’s finger tracing against the skin of her back that made her feel like it was a bittersweet moment.

But she couldn’t say anything just yet.

When the two had reached her mum’s place, questions came from every corner of the room it felt like, but it was when she laughed and held up her hands, she beamed at them.

“Let me tell you everything that happened. And then I have some news.”

She tried not to feel guilty at the stare that Allie gave her, recounting each moment of good, bad and downright embarrassing.

Y/N’s mum was particularly gleeful as she told them about the bigger names she’d met over there.

“My baby, all grown up with the best chance possible for her career!” This made her flush. Her mum had been one of her biggest supporters for her career choice and she could see the relief in her mum's face as she went on about the recording opportunity.

“The last day was kind of bittersweet in the studio, but the boys were so nice and even had a get together to celebrate the fact the songs were done. Michael had even fast tracked the productions of one of my very first songs.”

And she pulled her phone out, clicking play on the file that Michael had sent her a few days ago after playing it for her.

Watching the joy on her mum’s face warmed her heart, even if a few tears were shed in the process. Allie’s jaw was hanging slightly before a wide smile overtook her lips and she pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

“I’m so damn proud of you.”

“That brings me to the surprise.” She murmured softly, her eyes travelling to each family member before settling on Allie.

“They want me to join them on their tour.”

“For the UK portion? Oh my god that’s amazing!” Her mum was gushing but Y/N shook her head.

“They want me on their entire tour. Around the world twice.”

No one was prepared for the scream of excitement that escaped her mum before she found herself being wrapped around by her family members. Her eyes were watching as it hit Allie and she could see the excitement die down in her girlfriends face, and she felt her heart sink.

“That’s nine months.” Allie whispered and she nodded her head, pulling free from her mum’s embrace.

“It’s going to be tough, but the guys have offered ways for us to still keep in touch. You can always fly out for long weekends and of course, we have the UK tour later in the year as well.”

“That’s going to be three quarters of the year, Y/N. It’s a lot.”

“Please, can we talk about it at home? They’ve given us options, ways to keep up with each other.” Her pleas seem to break through and Allie’s lips pushed up into a smile as she draped an arm over her shoulders.

“I’m still proud of you baby.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple and she relaxed.

“I love you.” Came the murmured response and they shared a soft, but sweet kiss before her mum started asking about the details of the tour.

—

When the New Year rolled in, the first single was released to the world and her voice was on chart shows across the world.

It took seven solid minutes for her to stop crying when the notifications came through along with the messages.

Michael had taken a short video of her song playing in the car and she felt like she couldn’t breathe for a moment because it was her song, a song she had hated so much but then fell in love with all over again. And it was being requested and played on American radios.

Allie was proud as punch.

They seemed to avoid the elephant in the room that was her leaving for tour in just over a month  and a half.

That was when she really began rehearsing, making sure the setlist was long enough for her time slot. It felt like the busiest days of her life, being shuttled to the big cities for radio interviews.

Her face seemed to be popping up everywhere and it felt like a dream when she received the news that she’d hit number one in thirteen countries.

That in itself had made her openly weep in the middle of her baking day with her mum as she got the news, her mum videoing and laughing at her reaction.

She posted it to her instagram with the caption ‘the moment you’re told that you’ve hit number one in thirteen countries and all you can do is cry in shock and joy.’ The reaction went viral.

Of course she then received the texts from the last producer, asking why he wasn’t getting a cut of the money from the track.

It was with great glee as she told him that it wasn’t his pile of shit on the radio. It was her song and no one else’s. She didn’t need to tell him that one of her favourite bands had helped record and produce the song.

When she received the pick up day for her equipment, that was when it was becoming very real. That was also when she convinced Allie to go clothes shopping with her for tour.

With the day creeping closer, she could feel the undercurrent that was restless between her and her girlfriend, but every time she tried to address it, Allie shut her down, seemingly ignoring the problem.

She spent as much of her free time with her friends, family and girlfriend until it was the night before and she was lay in bed, trembling from the fear of what the next nine months could bring.

A warm arm wrapped around her waist, a soft kiss being pressed against the back of her neck and she slowly relaxed herself. It would be fine.

“You’ve got this, baby. But you need some rest.” The soft whisper was enough of a plea for her to turn around and just allow herself to be held as she tried to relax enough so that she could get some sleep.

It didn’t work.

Saying goodbye this time was much more harder because Allie hadn’t been able to get the day off work to see her off. So it was a tearful goodbye between the two of them as they held each other in the doorway, Allie’s lips lingering a little bit longer before finally pulling away and smiling softly, despite her tears.

“You’ll be back over here soon enough. I love you my little rockstar. Go do what you’re best at.” By the time that Allie had left, she had to call her mum to pick her up.

Thankfully, her mum didn’t make any remarks on the tear tracks as they made their way to the airport. And once they’d checked in her bags, a weird sense of deja vu hit.

“Last time we stood here, I was going for a month. Now I’m going for nine.” She whispered and her mum held her tightly.

“You’re about to fly off and live your dream. I’m beyond proud of you for this, please don’t ever think otherwise. Now, you need to get going. You are not going to be leaving things last minute like last time.”

She laughed for the first time that day and it felt like a weight disappeared from her shoulders and she knew she’d be okay.

The flight wasn’t so bad.

She had a reasonable seat, and for the most of it, she slept. She knew she would probably regret it later, but at that point, she was beyond caring. She was so tired and the stress was sat on her shoulders.

She knew her equipment had arrived, she’d been sent the message from one of the tour crew who was already out there.

The next two weeks would be rehearsal with her touring band and then they were off on the first leg of the tour.

And that absolutely frightened her beyond belief.

She wasn’t expecting a welcome party at the airport, but she was amazed that fans were crowded around, calling her name out.

Security were quick to pull her back away from the chaos of arrivals and she could feel her adrenaline kicking in, her heart racing as she tried to comprehend that they were screaming her name. Hers.

“Ma’am we need to get you out of the airport as safely as possible. Do you have a ride waiting for you already?” She felt like a deer in headlights before the security officer lifted a hand, touching the earpiece sat in his ear.

“One of my colleagues has picked someone up who apparently says he’s partially to blame for the fans showing up. A Luke Hemmings?” Relief

“Yeah, I’m due to go on tour with his band in a couple of weeks, but I wasn’t expecting him to be here.” The guard laughed.

“It’s fine, but we need to get you both out safely. My colleague is bringing him through now.” And that was when she saw the blonde curls and laughed before throwing her arms around Luke’s tall frame.

He laughed as he pulled her into a tight hug.

“Figured you’d appreciate a familiar face. A lot of them were waiting for you, then I only added to the madness. You gonna be alright till we get out of here?”

“Gonna have to be. Can I use you a shield?” He laughed.

“Keep your hands on my shoulders and we’ll get you through. Is someone going to follow with her luggage?” The question was directed to the guard who nodded his head.

“C’mon then princess, time to face the fans and get you out of here. We’ve all been super excited to have you back.” He beamed as they began their journey.

The screams grew louder and she found herself shying away, using Luke as a shield and smiling nervously at the few fans she could see.

Once they were out of the airport and in the car, Luke took one of her trembling hands and squeezed.

“You did the worst of it. There’ll be more of us around in a couple of weeks to keep them from getting too overwhelming.” He explained and she simply nodded.

“It’s okay, it was just, wow. That’s a lot.”

“That’s America for you.” He shot back dryly, making her laugh.

“So what hotel have they stuck you in this time?”

“Uh, I don’t know. They never sent any details about that. I’m trying not to freak out about it, but like, I haven’t got that much to cover two and a bit weeks in a hotel.” Luke groaned.

“Did you call your manager?”

“Said it was being sorted. Heard nothing since.” Luke snorted before tapping away at his phone and the music died down as the ringing began to call through.

“Hemmings, you have two weeks before you need to start incessantly calling me.” A feminine voice broke through and he laughed.

“Hello to you too Luce. However I’m not calling for me. I’ve just picked up Y/N.”

“Hi Lucy.” She piped up.

“Y/N! Keely has been trying to call you, said something about Michael stepping in and saying that he could put you up for the two weeks.” She shot Luke a look and he shrugged.

“That’s cool. He say why or am I gonna have to try and find that out for myself?” She laughed.

“Said something about one of the songs for the album and it’s easier to work at his home studio and you won’t have to worry about driving around LA.”

“Cool. Thank you for letting me know. Tell Keely I say that I’m sorry I haven’t been able to answer my phone and I’ll see her next week.”

“Will do. See you next week Luke.” The call cut and he laughed as the music began to grown in volume once more.

“So, album huh?” At this he watched as her lips turned up into the widest grin.

“Alex, John and Michael helped me pick out a tracklist for a potential album. I’ve not had much time, but if we get some demos done, I can go to the record company and they’ll be able to work with the fact that I have got music coming, so they don’t need to breathe down my neck. Alex’s idea.” Luke laughed as he pulled into a drive thru.

“Why am I not surprised. What do you want? You’ve just landed, you’ve gotta be starving.”

After picking her favourites, Luke paid at her protest and smirked.

“It’s food. Shut up and deal with the fact that we do look after our friends. Also if it bugs you that much, you can just buy me dinner whilst we’re on the road.”

“A not date, considering we’re both taken then?” She teased in returned and he grinned.

“A not-date it is. Now we know where we’re going, let's get you to Michael’s to drop your gear off. I know the guys are wanting to head out but I also know that if you’re going to try and keep up,  you’re going to want to be in something that isn’t joggers and a baggy t shirt.” She pouted at the assessment.

“I won’t try to keep up, but no, I really do not need my first official night out to be photographed and I’m in my rattiest clothing pieces.” Luke snorted as they collected their food and headed back out once more.

As they pulled into Michael’s place, Luke helped her get her cases from the boot before he was leading her into the home.

“I’ve picked up a stray!” Luke yelled, making her laugh. “She’s cute and British.” He added after a second once they’d placed her bags at the bottom of the steps.

He placed his hands on her shoulder and practically frog marched her out to the back and she didn’t even get to say ‘hi’ when she was pulled into a tight hug.

“Hi Ash.” She laughed as she wrapped her arms around him in return.

“Hey yourself Y/N. Welcome back to LA, knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away.” He teased, pulling away and giving her a grin. She smirked in return.

“Just couldn’t stay away from this beautiful weather. Maybe one or two people. Go by the names of Gaskarth and Feldmann.” Calum snorted as he pulled her into another tight hug.

“I’m wounded, I didn’t even make it onto your list?” He pouted at her and she snorted.

“No, but Duke did.” This set the other boys off before Michael greeted her, his hug a lot more softer than the others, but still feeling as welcoming.

“I know I should’ve told you before you left England that you were staying with me, but I’d completely forgotten till Keely called me, yelling that she couldn’t get ahold of you. By that point, you were already well into the air.” She shook her head as she accepted a beer off Calum and sat down with them, enjoying the warmth of the LA afternoon.

“It’s fine. I’m just lucky that I’d texted Luke when I left. He decided to be my welcome committee.”

“Myself and like a hundred and more fans.” He shot back with a grin.

“That was strange. Especially when they were calling my name, like that felt so surreal. I didn’t really know what to do with myself.” They descended into laughter as she finished off the food that she and Luke had picked up on the way there.

The boys were discussing the various countries and Y/N could feel herself nodding off against Calum’s shoulder, the beer and warmth not helping her jet lag at all.

“C’mon Y/N. You need to get ready if we want to be out at a reasonable time.” Luke teased and she flipped him off before sighing.

“One of you boys want to help me get the cases upstairs?” Calum pushed himself off the seat and followed after her, picking up the heaviest of the three.

“You excited?”

“Scared.” She admitted quietly as they reached the guest room that Michael had directed her to.

“Why?” Once the cases were pushed against the wall Calum pulled her to the edge of the bed, taking a seat and pulling her next to him. She didn’t fight it, her entire body still feeling exhausted.

“This is the biggest tour of my life. Probably will be the biggest tour of my entire career. Allie wouldn’t even talk to me about the fact I was leaving, and I feel so overwhelmed.” After the quiet admittance came relief that she’d gotten it off her chest.

“It’s going to terrify the fuck out of you. Playing to so many people. When you’re ready to leave tonight, just give me a heads up and we’ll go. This is a lot to deal with on your first night out in LA with us.” She snorted out a giggle, resting her head on Calum’s shoulder.

“My life is an open book for people to read. I never knew it could be this terrifying to have so many people judge you.”

“It gets easier. I’ll let you get changed and then we’ll head out.”

It took a while before she felt like she’d picked an appropriate dress. And the whistles of appreciation she received made her bashful before laughing.

“It’s a good job I’m taken. Someone snap a photo for me please.” She held her phone out, Ashton taking it off her hands and capturing a few photos.

She sent them to Allie.

‘I know it’s late for you my love, but I hope I picked something you’d like for a nightclub in LA. Speak to you tomorrow.’

They split between two ubers, Ashton and Michael piling with Y/N in one, Calum and Luke taking the other as they made their way to the club.

Unsurprisingly, they could spot the paps easily.

“Can you drop us just around that corner mate?” Ashton called over and the driver nodded. Michael shot off a text to Luke and she could feel her hands begin to tremble.

“Holy shit this is a lot.” She murmured as they left the car, keeping out of sight from the paps.

“It’s going to be a lot. Keep your eyes forward and smile, try not to hide too much, they’ll try to make up some bullshit to start rumours.” Ashton explained quietly, rubbing the top of her shoulders carefully.

When Luke and Calum arrived they finally made a decision on how to go in.

“I’ll keep ahead, Y/N, don’t fall behind because they will swarm you. You’re the freshest face in the music charts and they’re going to eat this up that you’re out clubbing with us.” It was a relief that Ashton was taking charge, but her hands still trembled as she nodded in understanding.

“No falling behind. Cool. I’m going to hide behind Cal and Luke then.” Michael laughed

“C’mon, it won’t be too bad.”

As they made their way the short distance to the club, paps calling out their names and snapping photos, she could feel herself plaster a smile on for the photos, but there was another brief thought of how rude they were being.

“Who would you date from the boys of 5SOS?”

“Are you sleeping with any of them?”

“How did you get on this tour when practically no one’s heard of you?”

By the time she was in the club with them, she wanted to go back home. But she’d promised she’d stay out for a few hours and that was what she was going to do.

When the first round of drinks came in, she didn’t argue them buying her drinks. She knew this was their way of welcoming her back into their lives properly, especially since they were about to embark on a nine month tour that went across the world twice.

She danced and sang her heart out, laughing when Ashton stumbled over his own feet and Calum had caught it all on camera, laughing as he did so.

It was when the time crept towards midnight, despite the loud music, she had her head resting against Calum’s shoulder and her eyes were half shut.

“You ready to go, doll?” She nodded her head, the exhaustion hitting her like a freight train as Calum helped her stand up and she lost her balance almost immediately, her saving grace being that Michael was stood up and caught her before she hit the floor.

“How much have you had to drink?” He called over the music, she shrugged.

“Four, maybe five? Mostly tired.” She half shouted back and he grimaced before looking over to Calum.

“Got it mate. Uber is on its way. Do you want some help?” Michael shook his head as he pulled her arm over his shoulders, tugging her to the smokers area which was more secluded and less noise.

“We need to get back through the paps, but I need you to try and stay upright and walk by yourself. Can you do that?”

Calum looked at her, his eyes watching the way as she seemed to draw in some strength from somewhere as her back straightened up and she plastered on a big, but clearly tired smile.

“Lead the way. I’m ready to crash.”

Getting through the paps was easy, even if more questions were being yelled at them both.

But the second the uber was peeling away from the frenzy they left Calum to deal with, her head was resting on Michael’s shoulder before a soft snore escaped and he laughed quietly.

Unable to help himself, he snapped a selfie of the two of them.

When the Uber pulled up to his place, it took a few tries before he managed to pick her up carefully, her head nestled against his neck as he fumbled with the key and got them in.

It took him a further twenty minutes to get her up the stairs and set her down on her bed before finally trying to wake her up.

She wasn’t amused.

“Look, all I want is to make sure you get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight, and you sleeping in that dress wasn’t going to happen. You don’t need to do anything apart from get changed, that’s it.” He pleaded with her exhausted form.

“Fine.” Came the muttered response as she kicked her shoes off, standing up slowly and Michael disappeared to his own room to get changed himself.

When he returned to check up on her, he found his lips pulling back at the sight before him. She was passed out, half under the covers, hair splayed all over her pillow and a soft snore escaping once more .

He switched the light off before heading to his own bed, draining a glass of water before crashing out on his own bed, a sigh of relief escaping him as he melted into mattress.

When she woke up the next morning, a raging headache and exhaustion to boot, she tried not to think about how her stomach was rolling in ways that was sure to make her throw her guts up if she moved.

Michael had other plans apparently.

“C’mon sunshine. We’ve got breakfast and then we’re lounging in the sun whilst talking music. I’m not gonna make you work too hard after last night.” He’d stuck his head around the door and she groaned in return.

“I would call you the worst, but I feel like I drank too much last night.” She grumbled before pulling herself from her covers.

She made it two steps before she had to pause, the nausea hitting her hard and Michael snickered.

“I’ll be downstairs. The shower is easy to work, even in your state.” She flipped him off with her eyes shut, making him laugh as he disappeared downstairs.

It took her another five minutes to move again, and despite the way her stomach was rolling inside of her, the hot water did wonders for the headache that had formed.

Once she was changed into a clean shirt that didn’t reek of booze and some sleep shorts, the warm sunshine making it an easy choice for her, she headed downstairs.

“Looking worse for wear today then, Y/N.” A familiar voice greeted and she flipped Alex off before heading into the kitchen to find a plate of cooked food waiting or her. Grabbing a glass and filing it with water before picking up the plate, she followed the voices back into the living room.

“We not sitting outside?”

“I figured to give your eyes a bit of a break.” Michael smirked and she rolled them in response.

“Any glaring articles about the state I was in last night?” Alex grimaced.

“A couple. Of course there was the standard one about you possibly sleeping with Michael or Calum. They then corrected themselves when someone pointed out you were in a relationship with a woman.” This made her groan before she slumped over on the cushions.

“This is gonna be my life now, isn’t it?”

“Price you pay for dreams.” Alex teased and she groaned.

“Please, never quote your own song back at me. Ever.” Both he and Michael laughed before Michal pulled out his phone, clicking play on the audio file he pulled up.

The riff that came through his phone sounded good to her ears as she slowly ate her breakfast, mulling over the various songs that would possibly work with the tempo of the tune.

“I got this down the other day when we’d discussed the last few songs of the potential tracklist. I don’t think it’d work well on most of the songs, but the last two have potential for it, what do you think?”

She mulled it over as he played it again, her mind bringing up the familiar lyrics, humming them along softly.

“The last one would definitely work. Upbeat sound to maudlin lyrics.”

“Considering that’s your style. You do remember that you’ve got an EP being released in like, two days, right?” Alex prompted and it made her pause before she swore.

“I’d actually forgotten. Fuck.” This made all of them laugh as she slumped down onto the couch, throwing her arms over her face.

“I hate you all. At least they’re not making me do any promo before tour.” She muttered and Michael laughed.

“No, that’s gonna happen on the first round of the world tour. And then again on the second leg, but with us promoting as well.”

“Fuck.” She whined softly.

“C’mon, you’re finally getting music out and people will be able to sing along!” Alex encouraged her and she let out a deep breath of air before nodding her head.

“That is true. Plus it means the fans will be able to sing the lyrics if they actually like my music.”

“Number one, just watch.” Michael smirked and she rolled her eyes as they returned the the songs in front of them.

—

Meeting her touring band was nerve wrecking. It was the first official rehearsal with her apart of the group.

She greeted her guitarist, Ellie with a relieved smile when she practically pulled her into the room and introduced her to the other two.

Sat behind the drums, tightening the snare up, was Rich who gave her a soft smile as he shook her hand warmly.

Tuning the bass up was Cara, her own lips twisted into a brief smile before she returned her attention to the instrument in her hands.

“When they told us we’d be doing a nine month tour for a new artist, we were slightly skeptical. But knowing that it’s you, and the tour we’re going on, it’s actually really exciting.”

“Christ Ellie, let the girl actually set up. The record company sent through the transcripts of the songs, so we’ve been rehearsing them for the last two weeks. We’re hoping that now you’re here and settled, we can get the full sound of them.” Rich broke in and she nodded, a bright grin crossing her lips.

“There’s only one song on the setlist that I don’t need you guys for, so it’ll give you a chance to get a drink and stuff whilst we’re up on stage. Are we doing a few songs each day or trying to get as many as possible in the next two weeks?

Cara laughed.

“We’re looking to get the songs right so we’re going over two different songs every day this week, then next week it’ll be run throughs of the setlist. Don’t fret rockstar, we’re here to help you.” Cara’s words made her cheeks grow warm as she laughed.

“Thanks. It’s just-”

“Surreal? Yeah, we guessed it would be. That’s why we’re trying to make this as smooth as possible.” Ellie cut in and she could only feel a flood of relief as they began to go over the songs.

The next day, her own rehearsing went to a grinding halt as she remembered that the EP had been released and she’d forgotten about it in the rush of the rehearsals.

So instead of rehearsing, they played the EP through the speakers and she could feel her heart in her chest as each song came to life in the small rehearsal space.

What she didn’t expect was for the space to get gatecrashed by Michael and Alex.

“You’re climbing the charts!” He’d thrust his phone in her face and she watched, breathless as her EP climbed up the chart with each refresh and she could feel tears in her eyes.

“Holy shit, this is actually real. Fuck, these are my touring bandmates.” She felt the embarrassment rise as she introduced Ellie, Rich and Cara to Michael and Alex.

“I think we’re not going to get anything done. We might as well call it quits today and celebrate the release.” Rich laughed and Y/N groaned.

“C’mon, we’ve gotta celebrate this!” Alex whined and she shot him an unimpressed look in return.

“You just want an excuse to daytime drink.” She shot back and he grinned back unapologetically.

“Of course.”

It felt surreal as they packed up the equipment and hustled her out of the rehearsal space and into the passenger seat of Michael’s car. When she looked around to see where the others were, she spotted Alex talking to the other three as Michael got in on the drivers side.

Alex slid in the back moments later and then the car was off and away from the studio space.

“What are you two up to?”

“Nothing.” Came from both of them, sounding ar too innocent for the grins they were both wearing. But she didn’t argue with them as they seemed to go on a long detour. She was familiar with the route to all of their places, but as Michael turned down another street, it took her a solid moment to realise that they were rapidly approaching Ashton’s house.

As they got out of the car, she shrieked in surprise as a pair of hands covered her eyes.

“Sorry, but it’s a surprise.” Came Alex’s voice and she groaned as a pair of softer hands took hold of hers and began to guide her.

“You two are so dead.” She grumbled as she stumbled up one of the steps.

“There’s a step there Y/N.” The grin in Alex’s voice was clear.

“So so dead.”

She could hear the door open and it felt too quiet as they went a few steps further in and when Alex ripped his hands away from her eyes, she jumped.

“Surprise!” Collective yells made her heart freeze for a second before she took in the decoration.

‘Congrats on the EP release!’

And the various faces of her friends and the people she’d worked with. And the new faces of Ellie, Cara and Rich, all three wearing smug grins.

Ashton was stood off to the side slightly, his smile seemingly widest of them all.

“You assholes, oh my god.” She turned to hug Michael and Alex, making them both laugh. They returned the hugs and the sounds of her EP began filtering through the speakers, her entire body feeling like it was buzzing as she went around and began to greet the various people.

It felt semi-professional, but most of the people here were people who she’d befriended, apart from the few management executives who had congratulated her on the release.

It was later on in the afternoon, most people still hanging about, the party having spilled out to the garden to enjoy the sunshine when John came sauntering in with the laptop, a smug grin on his face.

She didn’t realise that Ashton was recording as John sat next to her.

“Take a look.” Was all he said turning the laptop to show her the screen.

Her heart and stomach dropped as she scanned the screen, feeling the overwhelming sensation bubble up as her hand went to her lips, covering her mouth.

“No fucking way!” Her voice went up an octave and John laughed.

“Number one in twenty six countries.” She was off her seat, practically bouncing.

“That’s double of what the single made!” This time she really was jumping around, her excited squeals drawing in the attention from the various people as she pulled both Michael and Alex up from their seats.

“Number fucking one in twenty six fucking countries!” This time laughter rippled at her reaction and she hugged them both tightly. “You’ve literally made my dreams come true, holy shit.”

“I told you Y/N. I spoke it into existence.” Michael shot back in a smug tone and she shoved his shoulder before she was dancing around once more, unable to help herself before throwing herself back into the seat next to John, her eyes taking in the figures once more.

“I got number one back home. Oh my god.” This time the tears were falling and John chuckled, pulling her into his side.

“You did that, kiddo. People are absolutely loving your music. If we’re not careful, you’ll be on your own world tour before long.” This made her laugh.

“Let me get through this one first!

---

The aftermath of the EP release was insane to her. She was getting more recognised on each trip out and her families reactions were beyond her wildest imaginations.

With the help of social media, she heard the clip of her mum being called by Radio 1, the host asking her about how she felt about it all.

“At first I was skeptical. My little girl off to LA by herself. But I’ve always supported her perusal of music and seeing how much it’s paid off, oh god I could cry again.” She’d felt her heart utterly melt at that.

“So you must be very proud of Y/N right now?” The host prompted and her mums laugh filtered through her ears.

“Proud as punch. My baby girl is dominating the charts and even the ladies at work are listening to her music, even when they all told me it’d be a waste of time. I felt rather smug telling them that the song they were listening to was hers.” This made the host laugh, herself included.

“Well, you keep having your proud mama moment. We’re playing your girls song right now. Here is Y/N’s latest single.”

It was a dream come true.

She’d facetimed her family back home and her heart burst when she saw Allie with them, dancing and singing along loudly as the album blasted in the background. She knew she was so so lucky to have their support and seeing that warmed her heart.

It kept her going through the rehearsals as they got through each song.

As the last day got closer and the last of their equipment was shipped out, she found herself very relieved that she had people who knew the tour life like the backs of their hands.

They’d toured together before, so they knew each other well enough, so getting to know them and their habits was going to take time for Y/N, but she settled in nicely into the group.

Her calls to Allie had been sparse and often it was Allie calling her when she woke up for work just as she was finishing up in the rehearsals.

“Do you even leave that space?” She’d teased during the first week of rehearsals.

“Till we get this right, no.” Came the sarcastic response followed by laughter.

She was understanding to the fact that she was so busy that her days meant there wasn’t much time to really call, but they continued to text daily, photos being sent to each other of what they were doing.

She was often seeing something that reminded her of Allie and sending it to her.

When it came to tour day she sent one text to Allie, despite the fact that she knew she was in a meeting.

‘Hope this doesn’t disturb your meeting, but then again you’re smart and remember to put your phone on silent. Anyway, we’ve got flights ahead of us today with some layovers so I won’t be able to text much or call you today, but I hope you have a good day and I love you.’

Michael had hustled her out of his house once they’d gotten all of their cases piled into the hired van. The other three were already in, those two being the last to get picked up. Ellie, Rich and Cara had promised to meet them at the airport.

It was early, so there weren’t many fans at the airport. There were paps, waiting for them to arrive, but that was the only commotion they had to deal with.

They met up with the other three and slowly got their stuff checked in. Whilst they were waiting, Calum had slung his arm across her shoulders as her phone went off, her lips pulling up into a big grin at the message.

‘Meeting was a bust. Could’ve had my phone and they wouldn’t have noticed. Idiots. Anyway, tell those boys to look after you, I know you’re not good on long haul flights. Have a safe journey and tell me all about it when you’ve landed and settled. Love you too, my little rockstar.’

“You can tell her we’ve got your back.” Cal murmured and she laughed, jabbing her elbow into his side playfully.

“I’ll tell her you were reading over my shoulder as well as that.” She shot back in return. He simply grinned as she tapped away at her phone before her name was called.

Once they were past security and on the plane, that was when the nerves began to set in and Calum chuckled from his spot next to her.

“I can see what Allie meant about you not doing well on long haul flights.” He teased her playfully and she scowled in return.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up. You’re the one sat next to me for the entire trip.”

Luke snorted from behind them.

One layover and a nap on Calum’s shoulder later, they were in Stockholm and fans were waiting for them at the airport. It was easy to navigate and once they were all piled in vans to take them to the first venue, it began to feel very real, especially with the cold weather biting into her skin, making her shrug her jacket closer.

“Told you to wear warmer clothes, Y/N.” Ashton teased as the van peeled away from the airport.

“I’ve got two jackets on and I’m still cold. Shut up.” Came the snarky reply, making the others laugh.

The journey to the hotel was long, but the van warmed up eventually and before they knew it, they’d arrived. With the cold air, it became a competition between the eight of them to get in from the cold quick enough.

It was late in the day and despite having slept on the plane, they got into their various rooms and despite the plan to head out for food, Y/N crashed out after sending a quick text to Allie.

The next morning was busy.

There were interviews scheduled for various members of the band as well as Y/N.

By the time that it got to showtime, it was a bubble of excitement that seemed to explode in jittery nerves and Ashton laughed when he stopped by her dressing room.

“C’mon you lot, you’ve got stage in half an hour.” Ashton wrapped his arm around her shoulders and the others grabbed the last few bits they needed.

“First show of tour is always stressful, but you’ve got this. Now let's go bug the rest of them. I’m pretty sure your pre-show jitters will irritate Calum or Michael. I want to make a bet on who it irritates first.”

The rest of the band laughed as they followed after the two.

It was Calum who they managed to annoy first, his body laying across her legs to stop them from bouncing up and down.

“You’re making me feel nervous and I haven’t felt nervous in years.” He grumbled as the rest of them laughed.

It settled the nerves for her as they distracted her with talk of the various interviews that were going to be coming up.

Eventually they were called to stage and the boys followed behind, watching side stage as she stepped onto the stage and the crowd began to scream.

“Lets go Stockholm!”

The adrenaline rush felt incredible as she sang and danced her way through the set, her amazement at the crowd screaming the lyrics back to her.

“You all sound so god damn beautiful. My name is Y/N and I’ll see you all next time!”

As they finished the final song and left the stage, they were all greeted with yells of excitement and hugs from the boys as they congratulated them.

“You’ve really got them going! Tonight is going to be fucking fun.” Michael was beaming at her and she grinned in response.

“I can’t fucking wait for the rest of the tour. Listen, you go get ready, I need to help pack up and I’ll be watching side stage, I promise!” He pulled her in for one more hug before he followed after the boys to get ready and she headed back onto the stage, helping the team pack away her set.

Fans screamed her name and she waved to them as she did the last few jobs, making sure that her equipment was packed and secure before throwing the setlists into the crowd and disappearing with another wave.

She felt more alive than she’d done in months and as she watched 5 Seconds of Summer take the stage for the first night of the tour, she understood how they’d managed for so long.

—

Having Allie join them for the Paris and London dates of the first part of the tour felt wonderful.

She got to introduce her to every one and spending the night with her in Paris after the show was practically a dream.

They shared soft kisses in front of the Eiffel tower, Andy catching the sweet moment between the two and it was later on the bus, wrapped around Allie as it made the journey under the chanel did they finally talk quietly, aware that Ellie, Rich and Cara were all asleep.

“It feels so nice to actually spend some time with you.” She hummed softly and Allie smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I know. The next few months are going to be long though.” She could see that saying those words pained her, but Y/N pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder.

“They are. But this is going to be worth it for both of us, I promise.”

“Oh don’t I know it, number one in twenty six different countries.” Allie hummed in return, laughing as she ducked her face away in embarrassment.

“Are you leaving straight after the show tomorrow?” The shy question made Allie pause, her eyes searching her girlfriends face at the question before shaking her head.

“No. You have me tomorrow night too.”

“Good.” Allie chuckled softly.

“Get some rest, you’ve got interviews tomorrow and you need to look your best.” Allie hummed softly, her fingers tracing down the her spine. The yawn that escaped Y/N’s mouth made Allie grin as she settled down.

“Fine. Love you.” It wasn’t much later till she’d fallen asleep and a sigh escaped from Allie.

“Love you too.”

London was busy from the minute they got off the bus. Allie travelled with her to the radio stations in London that she had interviews with and they spent a night in the hotel before she caught the early train back home and Y/N was on a flight back to America, her heart feeling the heaviness of leaving her once more.

“It’ll get easier, I promise.” Luke nudged her shoulder and she gave him a relieved smile as the plane took off.

She wanted to believe Luke’s words, but part of her was worried and stressed over how long she’d be gone. It was going to be the longest without seeing Allie and it frightened her to an extent.

But she knew that she could trust that with the help of technology, speaking to her and facetiming her would make it more bearable at least so it wasn’t just her counting down the days till she was home once more.

The next few days were busy and long. Interviews in each new city before playing a show and then straight on the bus to the next place.

When they arrived in New York, Michael pulled her out of her funk.

“C’mon. You’re coming with us to the interview and then we are going to ditch those three loser and spend the day in New York City.” She barely had time to grab a coat and her backpack as he pulled her from the bus.

She shot off a quick text to Cara.

‘Apparently I’ve been kidnapped by a crazy person named Michael. Should be back to get a decent amount of sleep tonight, don’t worry if i’m not. Enjoy NYC.’

It was whilst she was sat in the car with the boys that she got a text back.

‘Have fun and if u don’t visit the statue i will be very disappointed in ur lack of tourist excitement’

It was fun to watch them get interviewed, and even though the interviewer had pointed her out, in an attempt to coax her into answering a few questions, she smiled and shook her head.

By the time the group were done with the interviews, Michael all but dragged her from the building and they got into a separate car and it felt good to have the distraction as they finally exited the car and began to wander the streets of New York together.

“Part of me feels like I need to be singing ‘Welcome to New York’ or maybe even ‘New York, New York’. And I’m not sure people will really enjoy my awful Frank Sinatra impression.” Michael laughed as they ventured through the various stores that lined the streets.

“I’m almost certain if you did a cover of New York, New York, it would still be amazing. And knowing you, you’d put your own spin on it and people would be falling in love with you left, right and centre.” The playful tease made her giggle as they found themselves in a thrift store, holding up the various items of clothing against each other to see if it would suit the other.

It certainly made the hole in her heart feel easier to deal with as she giggled at the silly hats they put on with the outrageous jackets that they found.

A few finds that were good, they purchased and eventually after raiding almost every rack, they left the store and her mood was swinging up as they continued their exploration of New York City.

It wasn’t difficult to visit the Statue of Liberty. There were a few fans about who were polite enough to the both of them and as they continued throughout the day, meeting fans here and there before heading back to the busses, when she checked her phone, she saw a text from Allie waiting for her.

‘Just saw a photo of you in New York, hope you’re enjoying yourself love, I know I would be.’

‘Still missing you, love. But distraction makes it easier I guess. I hope you’re having a good day.’

When they reached a small pizzeria, the debated on a large slice or a whole pizza to take back.

“I say get a couple of pizzas. They’ll appreciate the food and less likely to be annoyed with the fact we ditched them all for the entire day.” She’d remarked casually and Michael nodded, relaying the order for the two pizzas to go.

When they returned to the busses, they were met with raised eyebrows until they both held up the pizza boxes.

‘Pizza party on the 5sos bus.’ She’d sent the text to her touring bandmates and within five minutes they were climbing onto their bus.

“We heard there was pizza?” Ellie called as they stepped on. Calum laughed before motioning to the two large pizzas sat between the five of them.

“Join in. Looks like it’s a party night tonight then.” This made them all laugh as they cracked out a game of Cards Against Humanity and Y/N very quickly realised that touring with all these wonderful people was certainly the best thing to help distract from a missing piece in her chest.

---

Halfway through the tour, she was excited because Allie was joining the tour for a couple of days. It annoyed her to no end that she couldn’t get more time off, but she’d take two days over nothing.

The only problem was that her flight landed whilst she was performing. Michael had offered to go and pick her up from the airport, but Allie had declined and so it left her frustrated and somewhat annoyed. But she’d get to see her girl.

The boys were half way through their set when she turned up with only a backpack over her shoulders and Y/N couldn’t help herself as she wrapped her arms around Allie, her lips meeting her girlfriends.

“Holy shit I’ve missed you.” She murmured and Allie hummed in response.

“Missed you too.”

They enjoyed the set together, Allie standing a bit further away than Y/N would’ve liked but she knew that Allie was never comfortable with things like this. The show ended and she pulled her backstage, giving the boys a chance to finish their encore as the two of them lounged quietly in the greenroom.

But this silence, whereas before it was always comfortable, she could notice that something had changed, but didn’t dare comment on it.

When the guys came in from the stage, they greeted Allie enthusiastically and talked about maybe going out for a late dinner followed by a few drinks. She was enthusiastic, Allie less so as she half -heartedly agreed to join.

The journey to the hotel was filled with scattered chatter, mostly the boys asking Allie about what she did and if this was the only time she’d get off.

Y/N should’ve realised when she didn’t outright answer, something was wrong.

Once they were in the hotel room, before she could do or say anything, Allie held her hands up.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Y/N’s entire body froze as she felt her heart crack.

“What---what do you mean?” Allie grimaced before sighing.

“I met someone else. It’s not fair on you to keep it up when I don’t love you anymore.” There was the shatter as she sucked in a deep breath.

“Get out.”

“Please, Y/N, I just didn’t want to lie to---”

“I said get out.” The last word rose an octave and the tears were burning in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” The door clicked shut and once it shut, she could feel her heart shatter with a resounding crash as tears fell and a sob broke through.

‘I’ve just seen Allie leaving, you okay?’ The text came through as she allowed herself to collapse on the bed, sobs tearing from her throat as she tried to focus on something other than the pain in her chest.

But she couldn’t. Nothing had given away that this was coming. They’d been together for nearly three years and this was what was left to show for it.

It took a while before she heard frantic knocking and for a second, she almost deluded herself into believing that Allie was coming back, that she was apologising, that she was joking.

But the second the door opened and she and saw Michael’s concerned face, reality hit her hard and she found herself being bundled into his arms as another sob tore from her.

He pulled her into the room, shutting the door tightly before sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Y/N, what happened?”

“She---she left---said---didn’t---love---found---someone---” She couldn’t get her words around her tears and sobs and Michael’s heart shattered for her.

“Lie down, let me text the boys to say that we’re not going out tonight.” She curled on her side almost immediately, her fingers pressing against her chest, almost wishing it would ease the pain she was in.

It didn’t.

Michael sent the text off to the boys, hoping they would understand that she couldn’t go out, not like this.

Thankfully, they were understanding and promised to come back with ice cream for her and something to eat later. Michael climbed in behind her, his arms wrapping around her as she turned and pressed her face against his chest, the sobs slowing down as his fingers ran through her hair slowly.

“It hurts so much.” She finally whispered. He could only hold her tighter in response.

“It’s going to. But it’ll get easier. They boys promised to bring you some food and ice cream. Do you think you’d be up for that?”

She wasn’t sure she could answer. Part of her wanted the company, part of her wanted to wallow in the heartbreak that her chest was feeling.

“Just, no rom-coms. Give me comedy, hell, give me Jeff Goldblum.” Michael snickered as she settled herself closer, trying to shove the pain away for just a moment. But no matter what, it sat there, along with her tears.

“I’m sure we can do that. We’ve got time before they get here. Let it out.”

And she cried.

---

The boys understandably had given her the time to cry, and on the next night of tour when she realised the song she had to play, she felt her stomach drop as she soundchecked it, fighting the tears as her voice grew thick with emotion.

“That was her song, huh?” Ashton commented quietly and she nodded. He pulled her into a tight hug.

“Try to perform it tonight. If you can’t get through it, we’ll help you pick another song.”

And so she tried.

But it was clear that she couldn’t, her voice wavering before the end and she pulled away from the mic as the crowd sang her words back to her, the pain becoming too much for a second as a few tears fell.

Once the song finished and she could stop playing for a second, she wiped her eyes, taking in a deep breath. Michael was stood side-stage, hidden as he gave her a supportive thumbs up, Ashton doing the same, both wearing encouraging smiles.

“Sorry for that guys, but it looks like you’ll be the last lot to hear that song for a while.” At the disappointed noises, she gave a tentative smile to them.

“Unfortunately, my heart got broken last night, and this song---it’s tough. Maybe one day I can sing it as an ode to you all, but today isn’t that day. On we march, however.” And the crowd understood.

They sang back to her, almost louder and when she finished her set, the pain in her chest was still there, but it wasn’t the sharp stabbing sensation. It was like an old wound had been reopened, or at least, that was what it felt like. She knew that it wouldn’t pass this easily, but she felt her heart lift with love for the fans that sang her songs back to her.

She watched the boys set from side stage like always and greeted them as they finished their encore.

Michael slung his arm across her shoulders as they headed back to the greenroom, chatting about everything and nothing as they each went to their phones.

She hadn’t had a chance to change Allie’s name in her phone yet, but seeing the name made her breath catch for just a second.

‘So you made it all about you. Of course. Good luck in any future you find, don’t contact me again.’

There was the blow she’d been waiting for, the knock out that literally took her breath away as she tried to gasp for air.

She hadn’t even registered that she was sat on the floor, being coaxed to follow someone’s instructions. Her mind couldn’t separate, but she understood the words, following the motions before the steel bands that had a vice grip on her chest loosened up to the point of being able to breathe with ease once more.

“Y/N, what happened?” Michael asked quietly.

“Look at my phone.” She whispered in return and there were muttered voices before a phone was passed to Michael and he read the notification.

She fought down the nausea and the lightheadedness, closing her eyes for a second as tears slipped out.

“What did I do wrong?” Their hearts broke for her then. They were barely three months into the nine month world tour.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. She knew what was going to happen whilst you were on tour. We all told her it was going to be tough on both of you. Either she didn’t listen or she didn’t care. But that’s not on you.”

She wanted to believe him, but the thoughts were there.

“C’mon. We’re going to help you re-do your entire setlist. Unlock your phone.” She did as she was told, her fingers hovering over the message icon.

Before she could do anything, Michael pulled her phone out of her hands, throwing it to Luke who was furthest away.

“Delete the message and number.” She watched in amazement as Luke did what was asked and showed the clear screen of her name.

“It’s a good job I actually get on with you guys.” She finally grumbled, making Michael smirk, pulling her from the floor.

“That’s why we did it. Means you can’t drunkenly text her or fool yourself. Now. Setlist.”

Y/N felt grateful that someone was taking charge and helping her. She wrapped an arm around Michael’s waist, squeezing it gently.

“Thanks Mikey.” She finally whispered and he gave her a soft smile in return.

“We have each other as a band to lean on. You have only yourself. It’s only fair that we help you through a really shitty time, especially when we’re not even halfway through the tour yet.”

The rest of the night, she stayed sober as they went out and danced, Michael having a few drinks but mostly keeping her company as she watched everyone else chatter away.

It was the start of a very long journey.

---

It wasn’t often that Y/N found herself scrolling through social media. Especially after the breakup, there were those that seemed to think that she needed to know about what Allie was doing.

She tried to ignore it most days, but it seemed that as she scrolled through the notifications, mindlessly replying to some fans on twitter, she felt her heart drop when she saw the tweet which included a photo of Allie with another woman.

She found herself studying the photo, her heart twisting as she realised it was a screenshot of her instagram.

Wiping the tears away when she realised that she’d been crying, she finally noticed the time and decided to head into the venue. There was still time before soundcheck, but part of her wanted to just play.

Grabbing her backpack, she pulled the hoodie tighter and stepped off the bus, immediately being greeted with excited yells and calls of her name.

Waving hesitantly to the few who had spotted her, she made her way over to the barriers, taking photos with the fans, pushing a smile on her face as she gave hugs and chatted about the tour.

“How are you doing on tour?”

“Doing good. My family love receiving postcards from the places we stop in. The guys think its hilarious that I do it, but it’s memories that they get to keep as well. My mum especially gets so excited each time I send her a postcard.” This earned laughter. She posted the videos that her dad sent to her of her mum reading the postcards she sent, the excitement tangible when she watches the videos.

“Do you miss home much?” Another fan asked as she posed for a selfie.

“I miss my family, yeah. England? Not really. I’m slowly finding my home in LA, it’s warm, I’ve made close friends with a lot of people and despite sticking out like a sore thumb, I feel more comfortable there than I ever did in England.”

“Is it because of Allie?” Her heart ached as she glanced at the watch on her wrist.

“Because of her I don’t miss home? No. Even when we were together, I missed her, but I didn’t miss home. I’ve gotta run for soundcheck, but I hope you guys enjoy the show tonight.” She pulled away from the group, half smiling at the disappointed noises before making her way into the venue.

Heading to the dressing room where Ellie was already set up, she picked up the acoustic as she dropped her bag down.

“I’m gonna head out and check the guitar. Mess about before we actually sound check.” Ellie nodded.

“Sure, want me to come with?” She hesitated before nodding.

“Yeah, if you want. I’m not adverse to some company right now.” Ellie picked up her phone and followed after Y/N, the two navigating the corridors with ease. They stopped by the boys dressing room.

“Heading to mess about before actually soundchecking.” Luke pushed off the seat, followed by Michael.

“Can we tag along? Before we kill Ashton and Calum.” She tossed the two a curious look, both holding innocent faces.

“Whatever you’re planning, keep me out of it and don’t even think of pulling any kind of prank on me.” She warned playfully and they both gave her matching looks of offence.

“We’ve done nothing!” Ashton called out as she pulled away from the door.

“Not yet, at least.” She called back, laughter erupting from the room before it fell quiet as Luke and Michael followed the pair.

“I’m gonna practice a cover, I probably won’t play it on tour but my hands are itching.” She explained to Ellie who chuckled.

“You been hit with inspiration to write or just play?”

“Play I think.” Came the quiet reply and Ellie nodded in understanding.

“Sometimes it’s good just to play whatever you can to feel the music.” Her arm went across Ellie’s waist for a brief moment, giving her a small squeeze.

“Thanks.”

As they reached the stage, Y/N ditched the guitar, immediately heading to the piano, making Luke laugh.

“Can we not request Wonderwall?” Came the tease as he sat next to her. She stuck her tongue out as she checked it was still tuned before finding the right key.

Ever since they’d released Youngblood, one song had stuck to her tightly and she knew that playing it would help her let it go. But this was their song.

Both Michael and Ellie were sat on the drum riser, talking quietly.

“Sorry if I butcher this.” She muttered before hitting the few chords and Luke’s face immediately recognised the song.

“I saw you looking brand new overnight, I caught you look too but you didn’t look twice. You look happy, oh, you look happy.”

It was therapeutic as she played, missing only one of the keys as she sang. What she didn’t expect was Luke to harmonise with her throughout, letting her lead the song.

As the last note echoed out, her fingers still resting on the keys, he placed a hand over hers.

“You saw, huh?” She could only nod, pressing her eyes closed for a second to stop the tears from building up.

“The song has been itching at my fingertips, but seeing that, I needed to let it out because part of me feels like my chest wants to burst.” Voicing it outloud made her shoulders release slightly, dropping down a little bit as her eyes finally opened and glanced at Luke who wore and understanding smile.

A pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders and neck, a head coming to rest on top of hers. The tattoos gave away that it was Michael.

“How do you feel after playing it?” His voice was quiet, but she could hear the understanding in his voice and it felt like her chest was on fire.

“Better. Less likely to fuck up.” This made Ellie laugh as she gently shoved Michael, his grip loosening as he dramatically stumbled away, only to stumble over one of the wrapped up chords, making the three of them laugh as he hit the stage floor.

“You guys are assholes.” He muttered as he stood up, brushing off his trousers.

“You’ve only just figured that out? Wow, we managed to hide it so well Ellie.” Her voice took on the tone of surprise and Michael snorted as she moved from the piano, plucking the guitar from the stand.

“You two want to stick around for the actual soundcheck?” Ellie asked them as she picked up the second guitar, waving briefly to Cara and Rich as they reached the backstage.

“Only if you play Wonderwall.”

“Not on your life, Hemmings.” Rich called back before reaching his drum kit which sat in front of the riser.

They stuck around for the soundcheck before heading back to get dressed for their own soundcheck.

There was a sense of freedom as they soundchecked their last song and she could feel her body dancing along with the beat of the music. This made both Cara and Ellie laugh as they finished up the song.

Cara wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“You’ll be alright, I promise. Now c’mon, we need to get moving and get some food. Who fancies some lovely burgers?”

As they headed out to grab some food, Y/N found herself checking through Instagram.

As she refreshed the feed, her eyes focused on the fact that Michael had posted whilst they were soundchecking and to her shock, it was her and Luke sat at the piano.

“El, please tell me you did not encourage him to do that?” Her whine made the other three laugh, Rich patting her shoulder from his spot next to her.

“You learn fast that no one can really say no to her pout.” He teased and as if to almost prove his point, Ellie pulled a spectacular pout that made her feel bad for even making the comment.

“I didn’t have to encourage him. I was going to, but then I could see he was already posting it to Instagram. So I left it. Plus you were having a moment so I didn’t really want to ruin that.” The four of them laughed.

She clicked the unmute button, and her voice began to croon through the phone speakers.

“It’s three am and the moonlights testing me. If I can make it till dawn then it won’t be hard to see, I ain’t happy, oh. I ain’t so happy. Flashing back to New York City, changing flights so you’d stay with me. Problem was, I thought I had this right.”

She scrolled a little further as her own voice with Luke’s harmonies continued filtering through her phones speaker and she felt her heart skip a small beat at the caption from Michael.

‘The best kind of compliment for us to get is knowing our music is helping people. Seeing someone who I’ve been working with from day one, pay us this compliment in such a beautiful way means a lot to me. Especially when I watched her heart collapse. What I’m trying to say is you guys think we don’t see the covers, but we do. You pay us the best kind of compliments with them, just like Y/N has done. And I’m damn proud to be her friend and see how far she’s come since last summer. Keep going, you’re killing the game, I promise.’

She could feel the tears in her eyes as she read the caption and an arm went across her shoulder.

“Considering we’ve only known you since the start of the tour, we can’t say much about last summer. But you’re getting there and god damn you’ve got the world at your feet right now.” Rich’s words set the tears running and both Cara and Ellie laughed at her pitiful wail as she hid her face against his shoulder for a second.

“You guys have put up with my shit without any complaints. I’m sorry if I’ve been such a miserable cow.” She finally muttered and Cara giggled.

“You’re allowed to be a miserable cow. You’ve had your heart broken. But you’re trying, and all of us can see that. So don’t worry about it.” Cara reached over and wiped at her tears and Rich gave her one last squeeze before they rattled off their orders to the waitress.

When they’d eaten and headed back to the venue, she took her time and stuck her head in the boys’ dressing room. Luke and Ashton looked up from their phones.

“You looking for Mike?”

“Sorta. I was looking for you too, Luke.” He raised an eyebrow as she moved over and hugged him briefly, but tightly.

“Thanks.” His arms tightened around her marginally before letting her go and Ashton grinned at her.

“No hug for me?”

“Not today. Maybe tomorrow.” Came the playful retort and he laughed.

The door opened again and Michael stepped in followed by Calum, the two laughing at something. When they noticed that there was someone who wasn’t Luke or Ashton in the dressing room, they turned their attention and Michael gave her the biggest grin.

Without saying much, she quickly closed the distance between them and her arm wrapped around his neck, holding him tightly as his arms wound around her with ease, pulling her feet off the floor.

“Thank you.” She murmured next to his ear and pulled back slightly, placing a kiss to his cheek.

He held her for a few seconds longer before placing her down on her feet.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what did I do to deserve that?” The curiosity and amusement were clear as day to her, and she just smiled in return.

“For showing me I’m making progress,” her eyes glanced to her watch, “speaking of, I need to get changed. We’re onstage soon.” And without hesitation or a second thought, she leaned up, placing a soft kiss to his cheek and disappeared from their dressing room.

She missed how his cheeks turned pink.

---

The next month, she seemed to have had enough.

They had a couple of days off in Sydney, so after letting herself onto their bus, Y/N noticed that Luke was already up and dressed.

“Got any plans for today?” Was his greeting and she shook her head.

“I feel like I’m going insane on that bus.” She muttered and he let his hand rest over hers for a second before grinning.

“C’mon then. We’re having our not-date day.” He stood up up, heading back to the bunks for a few moments before returning with his phone and wallet, picking up the jacket that had apparently been discarded over the back of the seats.

“Wait, really?” He grinned at her in response.

“We need to cheer you up. You owe me dinner. Might as well make a day of it seeing as we don’t have anything booked in for today. Plus this is our home city. I’m pretty sure that I can survive showing you around. Did you want to grab a jacket or anything?”

She shook her head.

“It’s warm enough for me.”

“At least take a jumper, I know it’s warm enough for you, but the weather changes so fast, especially since we’re technically in our winter right now.” Luke pleaded. She hesitated for a second and he groaned before heading back through the bunks.

“Yeah, sure. Hey Y/N!” Michael shouted through as Luke came back, grinning.

“Yeah?”

“If that fucker takes you to the Harbour Bridge, I’m gonna throw him to the sharks. We’re doing that tomorrow after the interviews.” This prompted her to stare at Luke for a second before the two of them giggled.

“I’ll keep it in mind Mike.” She called back.

“Good, and look after the hoodie. I actually like that one.” He followed up with, prompting her to raise her eyebrow at Luke.

“I know you like big cosy hoodies. His are the comfiest and he knows it.” Came the easy reply and she simply laughed, accepting the offered hoodie and tying it around her waist as they left the bus once more.

There was an Uber waiting for them as they reached the side of the venue and Luke allowed her to slide in first before following after.

As the car peeled away, curiosity finally got the better of her.

“Lu, where are we going?” He grinned over at her in response.

“Royal Botanical Gardens. It’s a nice day out and also if gets us away from the mayhem of the city.”

The car ride was mostly filled with chatter of the couple of weeks they had off and what her plans were going to be.

“I’ll stay in LA, work on the album. With the success of the EP, apparently they’re excited for more stuff. So I won’t really be getting a break whilst we’re taking a break.” He laughed.

“I feel that. It sometimes feels like you’re trying to catch up with yourself when you’ve got the time off right?” She nodded at his words.

They fell into a companionable silence as the car reached the Gardens. Her breath escaped her as she looked at the sight before her. Luke allowed himself a brief moment of smugness before thanking the driver and looping his arm through hers.

“C’mon, my not-date.” This made her laugh as they entered the Gardens.

She found herself mesmerised by the sheer beauty of the place, unable to keep her eyes still for very long as they walked, eventually pulling away from Luke to get a closer look at some of the plants.

Unawares that Luke was holding up his phone towards her, taking a couple of photos, she turned her head back to him and beamed.

“This place is so beautiful.” She breathed as he moved back towards her. He could only nod in agreement as they continued their walk, her eyes still searching the vibrant colours.

“How are you doing?” Luke’s quiet voice pulled her from her thoughts and she hummed in acknowledgement.

“I’m fine, why?” Luke raised an eyebrow at her.

“Not what I meant and you know it.” They’d been walking around for just over an hour at this point. Spotting a bench, they made their way over to it and sat down, her head resting on his shoulder as they watched other people go by.

“I keep thinking she’ll come back. That she’ll apologise. And seeing that photo, I don’t know. It just, it broke me. Nearly three fucking years together.” The bitterness of her words tasted foul in her mouth.

“Feels like you’re stuck and can’t pull away?” She felt Luke rest his own head against hers and she sighed.

“I keep asking myself, what did I do wrong? Is it the timezones? Is it because I’m away? Was it someone I went out with? Is it because of the rumours? I feel like my head is dizzy and I’m just so exhausted all the time.”

“I doubt it was your fault.” He soothed her softly. She scoffed.

“It feels like it. I found out from a friend that she’s dating another lesbian and all I could think was ‘did she believe those rumours?’ and I hate it. I want to stop thinking about it.” She admitted softly.

A small breeze began to pick up, playing with the ends of their hair as they sat together, talking.

“Why would she put stock in rumours when all we ever heard about was how much you loved her?” She knew that he was curious, but the playful jab was there. It made her smile slightly.

“Because I don’t exclusively date women. I’m bi, and I keep thinking that she actually believed what’s been printed about me.”

“Then she should’ve called. Texted. Anything to give you a fucking inkling of what was going on in her head. You’ve literally had the carpet pulled from under your feet.” The indignation on your behalf made your heart swell for the man with the golden curls.

“It takes two to tango. I never called as often as I should’ve-”

“Stop right there.” He cut her off and she pressed her lips together, eyes closing as she sighed. “She’s made her bed and she’s gotta lie in it. You’re the one dealing with the aftermath of it. You’ve been so busy with this tour, anyone can see how hard you work and how exhausted you are. She knew what was coming but still didn’t make that effort. That’s on her, not you.”

They lapsed into silence once more. Then,

“Thank you, Lu. I’m sorry.” He rolled his eyes at her before finally pulling her up from the bench with him as he got up.

The breeze had picked up this time and so once on her feet, Y/N untied the hoodie from her waist, pulling it over. She realised that Luke was right and that she immediately favoured this hoodie over any previous one she owned.

She knew she practically drowned in it, the sleeves falling way past her hands and the hoodie baggier than needed, but she felt warm and it was a smell that was just entirely Michael as she pulled the front up to protect her face from the wind as it picked up.

She didn’t recognise it amidst her heartbreak, but her heart skipped a beat.

“C’mon, we have more time to kill and I’ve had enough sappy shit.” Her laughter was refreshing as the two continued their way through the gardens and found a small little cafe to grab a bite to eat.

Running into a few fans there, the two pleaded with them to wait till they were long gone before posting about where they were, if only to stop the place from getting swarmed.

They ran for the waiting uber like a couple of giggling school children, and only when they were far enough away did Luke bother to post anything.

She seemed content enough to snuggled down within Michael’s hoodie and rest her head on Luke’s shoulder as he scrolled through his phone.

“We’ve got a hotel for the next couple of nights, so you’ll have an actual bed.” He tilted his phone to show the texts and she nodded her head at that.

“Got it.”

---

A the tour progressed, people speculated about the relationship disintegration between Y/N and Allie.

But she’d put interviewers in their place when they got a bit too personal.

“It’s my business what happens in my private life. We’re not together any more, and that’s all you need to know.

But from that point, it seemed more and more fans were singing her songs back to her, and her album was back in the charts.

No one protested the setlist change. It meant a chance for her to incorporate a different cover for almost every show. It felt good to change things up and she knew that she was getting her smile back once more.

Michael had helped on that front.

Most nights, despite the separate tour busses, they’d be gaming against or with each other, depending on the game. This resulted in long nights and many nights exchanging text messages of memes from the game, especially when the other fucked up.

Some of the time, she’d stay on the bus the following day to play against Michael, but more often than not, she went off exploring with Ashton and Calum, buying and sending back postcards to her family.

As the tour progressed through America, she felt a lot more free as she sang and danced her last set in LA, knowing that in a few weeks, she’d finally be back home in England, even if it was only for two weeks.

“What are your plans?” Michael asked as they got their kits together. The last show had been played for a few weeks now and it was time to breathe.

“Not too sure. I’ve not got a place in LA yet, so I’m gonna check myself into a motel or something till we fly out to the UK.” She responded with a shrug and Michael frowned.

“You’re not staying in some grotty motel. You can stay with me till we head out to the UK.” She opened her mouth to argue and he moved his hand to cover her lips. “Don’t argue me on this one. You’re staying with me and that’s final.”

It took only thirty seconds before she finally rolled her eyes and nodded.

“Yes mother.” She snarked once his hand was removed and he got a mischievous look in his eye which set her running away from him, a yell escaping her lips as he chased after her.

“Take that back!”

“Not a chance in hell Clifford!”

And for those that had worked the tour, heard her tears, there was a bit of relief as her laughter echoed through the hallways. She was healing.

As they got back to his place, the masses of bags being dragged in between the two of them, Michael was the first to collapse on the couch and she followed shortly after, his arms wrapping around as he pulled her close, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

“C’mon, we need to go to bed.”

“But you’re comfy.”

“You need a proper bed.”

“Nope.”

“Y/N.” Michael groaned and she giggled softly pressing her face into his shoulder.

“We just got back, we need to breathe a bit, dumbass.” He laughed as he squeezed her tightly.

“Alright. But if you fall asleep, I’m not carrying you.” He warned and she shrugged, pressing herself closer as her eyes fluttered shut.

“Can’t escape from me now, Clifford.” She muttered quietly before her breathing grew slower.

Michael knew how exhausted she was, her heart still healing from the heartbreak and he knew that it was going to be tough on her. So as a soft snore escaped her lips, Michael found himself unable to even move her, his heart softening as he pulled her tight and placed a kiss to her temple.

“Like I’d even want to try.”

It was hours later when the pair woke up. Michael woke up first, his arms keeping her encased as he just enjoyed the moment of peace. Glancing at the clock, the numbers read that it was three thirty in the morning, and as much as he didn’t want to move, he knew that the both of them needed to lie in a proper bed.

“C’mon sleepy head.” His voice was raspy, tired. He knew that once they were both in their beds, neither would re-emerge for another twelve hours at least.

“Don’t wanna.” Finally came from Y/N and Michael laughed softly.

“Going to have to move. I promise once you’re in bed, I won’t wake you again.” That seemed to get her moving enough so that they were leaning on each other as they stumbled through his place to the guest room.

Not even caring of the fact that Michael was still in the room, she wiggled free from her jeans, crawling beneath the covers.

“You’re the best. Night Mikey.” The sentence was slurred, her voice getting softer before the sentence ended with a snore. He snorted, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before he made his way to his own room, ditching jeans and his shirt before crawling beneath his own covers.

It was almost like someone hit him over the head with a baseball bat. He was knocked out immediately.

—

It felt like a full on recovery for the first three days. Y/N was feeling like the wind had been stolen from her sails before Michael explained it wasn’t uncommon.

“We’ve just done seven months of touring and promo mixed together. Even with the days off, you’re still doing something. Your body probably feels like this is the first chance you’ve had to relax in months.”

They settled themselves in the living room for the first three days, watching tv and napping. It was relaxed and she could feel like her days were easier.

By the fourth day, that was when they started to venture out a bit. Ashton immediately invited himself around and took Y/N out for lunch when she’d sent a text saying she felt a little more alive.

Michael could only laugh as he half dragged her out of his place.

“I’ve got my own shit to do, I’d rather be going for lunch!” He yelled out after her plea to save her escaped from her lips.

“How are you feeling now that you’ve had a chance to let your body recover?”

“I’m not bad. I still expect to see her name a few times but it’s easier now that her number isn’t in my phone and I’m not pining as much. I’m just more worried about finding a place out here now.”

Ashton nodded in understanding as they pulled into one of the car park complexes.

“Whilst we’re here and then out in the UK, I don’t mind helping you if you want to sit down and look?” She smiled at him as they walked through the town.

“Yeah, thanks. Hey, would you mind coming with me to explain to my family? It’s just that they worry and I don’t want them to.” As they reached the restaurant, Ashton held the door open for her before following behind.

“Table for two under Irwin?” He asked before the hostess could even greet them. She checked the roster before nodding her head and guiding them further into the restaurant.

Once they were seated and were looking over the menus, Ashton finally asked her the question.

“Why me, and not one of the other guys?” She half smiled at that.

“I know that Sierra is coming to the UK leg of the tour. I also know that Calum will want to visit Mali whilst he’s over there.”

“And Michael?”

She had to pause at that. Why wouldn’t she ask him?

Ashton waited as she tried to find her words, before her eyes settled on the table.

“You all just assumed I was a lesbian, right?” The question in return caught Ashton off guard as he slowly nodded.

“Well, yeah. I mean we never really asked you about your previous relationships.” Ashton shrugged as he set the menu down to look at her properly.

“I’m not. I’m bisexual. My family know and accept this. But if I take Michael, they’ll assumed that I’m dating him already.”

“And they won’t assume that with me?”

“Because I don’t act like I’m in love with you, moron.” She rolled her eyes before they widened in shock.

Ashton smirked.

“Fuckin’ knew it.” He muttered before sighing. “I’ll come with you, if only so your family don’t have any kind of freak out and reveal that you’ve been crushing on Mike for a while.”

“Shut up.” She hissed quietly, making him laugh as the waitress came over and took their orders.

“Chill out, my feline friend. I don’t think the others have cottoned on yet, but I definitely noticed it after your not-date with Luke. It annoyed him that you went with Luke on the day off and he had to settle for half a day because of interviews.” At that, her head fell into her hands and a sigh escaped her lips.

“Ashton, I’m royally fucked. I’m spending the next two months with him and I literally feel like a teenaged schoolgirl with her first crush, except my heart still feels fucking broken beyond repair right now. And he doesn’t deserve that.”

“Maybe he doesn’t. Or maybe he does deserve someone who feels like that so he can show her that she’s not as broken as she thinks.”

As the food arrived, they switched the conversation to the European leg of the tour, the various cities they were excited to visit and gifts they planned on buying.

“Are you worried about seeing Allie?” He finally asked, resting his elbows on the table and his head on his hands.

She leaned back in her chair and thought about his question.

“No. Well, it’s going to hurt. I know that. I’ve still got to collect the last of my stuff from hers and get it shipped over here. So I’m going to have to see her. But honestly?” She hesitated before sighing. “I’m more worried about how I’m going to actually react. Because I don’t know if I’m angry or not. I couldn’t make heads or tails of my emotions on the road and I had to stay put together for the interviews and shows.”

“What dates are you going to see your family?”

“Mum’s planning a family shindig on Halloween. Then they’ve got a small van for me and it’ll pick me up straight after the Sheffield show. Instead of flying out on the third with you guys, I’ll fly back out to the tour on the fourth.”

“Want me with you for the whole thing?” He watched as her eyes dropped to the table and it was like the embarrassment radiated in waves off her.

“Am I that easy to read?” Ashton chuckled.

“No, I just know my friend well enough to see when she doesn’t want to ask for something in fear of overstepping some kind of boundary.” His words were teasing, but the sincerity stunned her for a second.

“Only if you want to, Ash. But it means that you’ll be sharing my room with me.” He laughed.

“It’s fine. Shall we head out to look for a place for you then? Might as well get a start before we leave for Europe.” She nodded in acceptance and split the bill with him. As the two left, they’d both spotted the paps lurking about, but both ignored them as they made their way back to Ashton’s car.

“Shall we place bets on how many articles say we’re dating, even when it’s plainly obvious even to a blind man that I’m not interested in you?” Ashton laughed as he got in the car and they peeled away from the complex and headed back to his.

----

With Ashton’s help, they’d managed to secure a decent house for her and with the money from the album sales and tour, she knew it was easier to outright buy the place instead of renting, which is what she did.

She swore Ashton to secrecy, because there was no point in making a big fuss over her place. It still needed some work done and they worked over the two week break to get the place cleaned up and furnished for her return back to LA once the tour finished.

“So you’re gonna host a housewarming party when we get back right?” She laughed as she locked up the place. It was all done, all she needed to do was ship her stuff over. She’d already met with a few of her new neighbours and they’d agreed to hold parcels for her until she returned from the tour the following month later.

“First we’re celebrating the surprise party for Michael. Our boy is turning twenty three. Can’t ignore that.” They laughed as they got into his car.

“Well yeah, there’s that first. But after?”

“Considering we’re both up for ARIA’s, still don’t know how I managed that,” Ashton laughed, “so I’m gonna give it a couple of days, so maybe have the party on the twenty first or twenty second. Then to my knowledge, I’m flying out on the twenty fifth for the rehearsals?” Ashton nodded.

“Sounds about right. I know Cal’s going over earlier to spend time with his family.”

“Right. This is still feeling so surreal, honestly.” He laughed.

Flying out from LA back to London seemed like a breeze, but she also knew that this was where she’d have to go back home. Y/N was both excited and nervous to go back to her hometown.

The flight to London had been filled with jittery nerves. They’d landed late in the evening and only a small handful of fans were waiting to greet them.

“Welcome home Y/N!” One fan called and she chuckled.

“Thanks guys. How’re you all doing?” She received varied answers from the small group that had gathered around her. She could see the phones out but didn’t protest them like she usually would’ve, she was just too damn tired.

“How was the flight for you?” One fan asked and she shrugged, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Exhausting. I forget how tiring flying can actually be, especially when you’re not good on long flights as it is.” She grinned bashfully, earning a few scattered giggles.

“Are you looking forward to being back home for a little bit?”

“Definitely. I’ve got plans on our days off to go visit my family and I know my mum is super excited to see me. I’m almost certain she’s called every family member that’s old enough to drive to come to this meal. That’s going to be a busy day.” the fans were calm and the discussion turned to new music.

“Have you been working on anything on the road?” She shrugged at that question.

“Yes and no. I haven’t pushed myself to write, but I’ve been recording. I can’t say much now, but you guys are going to absolutely love it, I promise you.” This earned her excited whispers and she giggled as she signed a few things for them.

She was more than happy to take a few selfies with a few of them before Michael called her over and she made quick apologies, heading over to where he was loitering with security.

“They’re sending vans. They’ll take us to the bus pick up and then it’s an overnight journey to Glasgow.” His eyes were watching how tired she was and she sighed.

“Why can’t they just fly us up there instead?” She groaned quietly, making him laugh.

“Because they’re assholes. Fancy bus crashing for the night? I know El, Rich and Cara are going to be wide awake.”

“And you four losers won’t be?” Came back the tart reply and he grinned.

“We’re just as tired as you are. So no, we’re probably going to knock out the second our heads hit the bunk.”

She hesitated for a moment before sighing. Pulling out her phone, she messaged the group chat she had with her own bandmates.

‘You guys cool if I bus crash tonight?’

Ellie was the first to reply.

‘Yeeah, we were thinking of maybe having a couple of games going when we go on. You look exhausted so you’d probs be better off sleepin on their bus.’

She replied almost instantly.

‘That’s fine by me. You guys be as loud as you like.’

It wasn’t much longer till they all piled into the two vans and it felt like she’d barely blinked before being shaken awake by Michael.

“C’mon Y/N, we’re at the busses.” The cold October weather made her cringe into Michael’s side and he laughed.

“Shut up, I’m used to the LA heat.” She grumbled. He fell silent but pulled her tighter to him anyway. She was wrapped up in the hoodie she’d managed to acquire after her not-date with Luke and he hadn’t argued the loss of it, claiming she looked cuter in it anyway.

When they got on the bus, the boys went to claim their bunks and before she could head to the back to crash on the sofa, Michael was pulling her into the bunk area and she couldn’t help but smile at someone who looked so stupidly cute, especially when his eyes were silently pleading with her.

With a sigh, she took off her bra, tossing it to the end of his bunk before climbing in and he followed after. Not even bothering to take off the hoodie, she curled into his side and with a whispered ‘goodnight’ between the two of them, it didn’t take too long before both of them were fast asleep, his body turned towards hers and his arm thrown over her waist.

When Michael woke the next morning, she was curled against him, her back pressing against his chest. His arm was still thrown across her waist. He didn’t dare move as he tiredly stared at her, his heart skipping a beat as her eyes opened and she turned over, face hiding against his chest.

She could feel her heartbeat thundering against her chest as she felt his lips against the top of her head.

“Morning kitten.” She tried not to let her shock show at the pet name, a simple hum of acknowledgement escaping as she pressed her face firmly against his chest, not willing to move an inch.

“Morning.” She finally muttered and he chuckled.

“We in Glasgow yet?” He shook his head.

“Still travelling. Not sure where we are though.” A sigh escaped her lips.

“Means we don’t have to move.” She muttered stubbornly her arm wrapping around him and he could feel heat rising in his cheeks as he held her close, mouthing a silent prayer just to keep his cool till they woke up properly.

It took another thirty minutes before the bunk curtain was pulled open by Luke.

“C’mon lovebirds. We reach Glasgow in about an hour.” He ducked the pillow she threw at him before Michael pushed out of the bunk first, and she reluctantly moved, following after him.

She slipped her bra on before following through to the front of the bus and was greeted with tired smiles from the other three. She took the open spot next to Michael, ignoring the pointed looks from Luke and Ashton as she lay her head on his shoulder.

“You changing anything to the setlist this tour?” She snorted into the cup of tea that Ashton had passed her at Calum’s question.

“I desperately want to cover Fuck You, just to be petty. But I won’t,” they all shared grins at that, “I will maybe switch the order of the setlist and throw the cover towards the start. Get the crowd going.”

“What cover you gonna do?”

“All the covers that get Brits fucking jumping.” She teased and they laughed as the bus finally pulled to a stop and she stood up, stretching out her tired limbs.

“You up for exploring tomorrow whilst we’re here?” Ash questioned and she nodded in agreement as she headed to the door of the bus.

“Yeah, who’s heading out tomorrow with you?”

“Just me.” Calum piped up and she grinned at him.

“Cool, see you guys in a bit.” And she was off the bus and onto her own seconds later, grateful that they were cut off from the fans view. She did not need to add fuel to that burning fire.

As she got on the bus, she was met with a very tired looking Cara who was nursing a coffee with both of her hands.

“Morning.” Came the quiet greeting.

“Morning to you too sunshine. How was last night?” Y/N sat herself opposite Cara who groaned quietly.

“I think it’s mostly tiredness speaking because not a lot of alcohol was consumed. But we’re just so excited to be playing for shows in the UK.”

“Even though you guys were with me for the first part of the tour.” She teased and they laughed quietly.

“It doesn’t count and you know it. This is playing in different cities. Playing in London once does not count at all.” Came the snarky retort and she held up her hands in a surrender position.

“I’m gonna go get changed. I might head into the venue and maybe work on something. Still got ideas running through my head.” She stood up, heading to the bunk area and Cara gave her a devious grin.

“Something to commemorate your night with Michael?” The taunt was playful and in jest and Y/N simply grinned.

“Maybe.”

---

As it crept closer to Halloween, it was obvious about how nervous Y/N was getting over the family party. More than once, Michael offered to come down with her and Ash, but she shook her head, desperately hoping that he couldn’t see how wistful her smile was.

“You need to hold the fort with Luke and Cal whilst I steal Ash for the day. We’ll be back in time for drinks, I promise.”

From London both her and Ashton travelled further south to her hometown on Halloween morning. They spent the majority of the journey discussing various ideas for her place back in LA, debating on different colours for the guest rooms that had yet to be painted.

“How many people are going to be there?” He questioned quietly as they pulled off the motorway. She checked her phone, scrolling through her previous messages with her mum.

“Mum said about twelve. But that’s just aunts and uncles and cousins. She’s not included their kids.” A low groan escaped him and she giggled.

“Hey, you agreed to this, knowing that I have a big family.” He rolled his eyes before smiling.

“I know. But it’s the kids that I’m worried about. Are you sure they won’t freak out?”

“Lucy might. She’s the only one I know that has probably listened to your stuff. The boys could care less.” She shrugged in return and he simply slumped down in the seat, earning a giggle.

“It won’t be like this at the weekend though?”

“Oh god no. This weekend is going to be telling them about moving to LA and packing up my stuff. Might even show you a few spots I frequented as a kid.” They shared matching grins as the car turned into a cul-de-sac and her eyes lit up.

Ashton couldn’t help himself as he snapped a photo of the beaming smile on her lips, his own lips curving into a grin to match hers.

“We’re here!” The car pulled to a stop and they got out of the car. Once it disappeared back down the street after a confirmation of pick up time, she headed to the front door and knocked. It was only eleven am, but she could see the various cars and hear the voices.

The door pulled open and she was greeted by her dad whose face lit up, pulling her into a warm hug.

It was a hug she’d been craving for months and her entire body melted against him.

“Welcome home, little one.” He murmured softly in her ear and she responded by clinging to him tighter before pulling away.

“Dad, this is Ashton, he’s the drummer of 5 Seconds of Summer, the band who helped give me this amazing opportunity.” She stepped to the side and Ashton held his hand out.

He was stunned when her dad pulled him in for a hug instead and his cheeks went slightly pink.

“Thank you for giving my little girl such a wonderful opportunity, come in, come in! The rest of the family are here.” He waved them both in and as she stepped through the door, Ashton ran his fingers through the mop of curls.

“I can see where you get the hugging genetic from.” He muttered under his breath and she snorted out a giggle before an excited squeal emitted from the living room.

“You’ve seen nothing yet, Irwin.”

As if on cue, her mum came rushing out of the living room and practically barrelled her over, holding onto her tightly as she peppered her face with kisses, making Y/N giggle.

“Hi mum. Missed you too.”

“Oh my baby is finally home for a bit!”

“Your baby is gonna pass out because she can’t breath and has barely stepped into the house.” She shot back sarcastically and Ashton coughed to cover up a chuckle. This turned her mum’s attention to Ashton.

“Don’t think you get out of this! You must be Ashton, yes?”

“Yes ma’am, it’s-” He was cut off as she pulled him in for a tight hug, this time making Y/N snicker at his wide eyes.

“Nice to meet you.” He finally finished off, making her mum laugh.

“It’s wonderful to meet you too, dear. Now come on through, a lot of the family are already here.” She pulled back, taking a hold of Ashton’s hand and he shot Y/N a panicked look and she shrugged in return as she followed after the two.

It took half an hour just to introduce Ashton to everyone who had already arrived because they were determined to ask him questions about the tour and what she had done on the tour and every question in between.

It was her Aunt Hallie who caught her unawares.

“So where’s young Allie?” She froze for a second, her eyes widening for a moment before her hand reached up, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Uh, we’re not together any more. We haven’t been for, like the last five months.” The awkward silence that filled the room and she could feel her stomach twist uncomfortably.

“Is this young Ashton your new thing then?” Her eyes widened in shock and Ashton, who had taken that moment to take a drink from the water that her mum had offered, choked.

“No, he’s here as support. Uh, I’m going to be collecting the rest of my stuff from Allie’s this weekend so he offered to meet the family as well, get it out of the way and-”

“She was worried about possibly running into Allie. I was the most level headed out of the band when the breakup happened and she wanted someone who would be able to be objective and stop anything from happening.” Ashton interjected once he’d gotten his breath back.

“And prey-tell why are you not dating him then?”

“Hallie,” her mum hissed softly, “that’s none of our business.”

“It’s fine, mum. Uh, I’m not interested in Ashton. I see him more as my brother. He’s been really good to me on the tour and looked out for me, especially when we’ve done the city explorations.” She explained quietly and as her Aunt Hallie opened her mouth to ask something else, her mum cut in once more.

“Enough, Hallie. They’re not together, and she’s not with Allie. You’ve known this.” Y/N groaned.

“Please, I’m not in the UK for long, I just want to enjoy today with you guys.” Hallie sat back and fell silent as the kids began to badger Ashton. He was patient with them as they invited him to play on Mario Kart.

As Y/N had expected, Lucy had fallen very shy around Ashton, so she went to her younger cousin and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“I’m almost certain that if you ask nicely, he’ll let you have a picture with him.” Her cheeks flushed pink as she hid her face in her side and she chuckled.

“Alright. You wanna stick with me?” A nod followed and so she had a shadow attached to her as she joined Ashton on the floor and talked with the other adults about the tour and where she’d visited.

The kids soon abandoned the game when she began to show them photos she’d taken, so Ashton showed them some of his own and that was when Lucy began to come out of her shell.

“S’pretty photo of Y/N.” Came the soft mumble at the photo that he’d taken of her in Glasgow. Ashton beamed at Lucy who immediately went bright red.

“She’s the worst for having photos taken of her though, we have to catch her off guard or only when she’s in a particular mood to have photos taken. When we were in Australia, we were trying to get a group shot of all of us on the beach and she rolled off her towel and onto the sand to not be in the photo.” This earned him a giggle from Lucy and she slowly inched away from Y/N to take a look at the photo he was showing.

Ashton seemed to have earned himself the shadow that was her younger cousin then and it was sweet as he answered every question she had and even as they went to get food from the buffet that her mum had laid out, he let her sit with him.

Y/N had disappeared into the kitchen after taking a photo of the two of them talking. Hallie pinned her with a look and she sighed.

“Listen, he is not my boyfriend. I’m not starting this argument with you on my day off. We’re not here for much longer, the car will be here in a couple of hours to get us back to London.”

“I was just going to say he’s a nice boy you could have to get over this silly indecisiveness you have.” A groan escaped her lips.

“I’m not indecisive. I’ve dated boys and girls. I like them both. You try this with me every damn time Aunt Hallie.”

“Hallie, we’re not doing this today. I haven’t seen my little girl in months. I’m not letting your inability to see past the end of your nose ruin this day. You know where the door is if you really have that much of a problem.”

“Fine.” Came the huff and she disappeared out to the garden where a few other cousins were sat talking and having a smoke.

“Thanks dad.” She breathed and fell into his open arms.

“It’s okay sweetheart. How are you really doing?” She sighed into his shoulder.

“I’ll be okay, but Ash is genuinely here for moral support. He’s coming at the weekend as well. I don’t think I’m ready to face her by myself.” Her dad nodded before pressing a kiss to her temple.

“You’ve got good friends, little one. Come on now, we need to make sure that your Aunt hasn’t interrogated the poor lad.”

Mercifully she hadn't said a word, because Lucy still held all of his attention.

“Hey Luce, why don’t you ask Ash the question you wanted to ask earlier?” She called to her younger cousin and watched as her cheeks went a bright red.

“Uh, could I please have a picture with you?” Her voice had gone very quiet and Ashton grinned.

“Of course! You’re my favourite, but don’t tell Y/N that.” She giggled at her mock look of offence and obliged in taking the photo of the two.

The conversations continued over the next couple of hours before she received the warning text that the driver was about five minutes out.

“Ash, we need to say our goodbyes, driver is about five minutes away.” This earned gentle whines from the kids who had seemingly flocked to Ashton. She giggled and snapped a quick photo of it before going around and saying her goodbyes to the relatives, Ashton following behind her.

She left her parents for last, and they saw the pair off at the door.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you this weekend. Are we expecting you on Friday?” Her mum questioned as she hugged the two of them, her dad following her mum’s footsteps.

“Yeah, it’ll be late though. I’ve still got my key so I can just let us in and we’ll crash in my old room.” Her mum nodded.

“I’ll make sure to set up the airbed as well. Have a safe journey and enjoy the rest of the tour. We’ll see you in a few days.” They both escaped to the car after another shout of goodbyes from the family and once they were driving away, she let out a breath of air in relief.

“I can see why you needed someone there. Man, your Aunt Hallie was slightly terrifying.” Ashton’s observation made her laugh as they talked about the day and the possibilities of where they were going tonight.

When they reached London, Ash had to nudge her awake because she’d fallen asleep on his shoulder.

It wasn’t too late, so after stopping at a drive-thru for some food, once they were back at the busses, she followed after Ashton, knowing that the others would be on the bus too.

“So, any spectacular parties we can go to?” Cal grinned at her question.

“Yep. You ready to get drunk?”

“After today? Yes please.” Came the response and the group laughed.

“She’s not kidding, her aunt was tough as nails.” At that she snorted.

“Aunt Hallie just has her own ideas of what relationship I should be in. She’s relentless.” Ashton laughed as he went to put on a different shirt. She kept her outfit on, not bothering to go and change and soon enough they were piling out of the tour bus into two taxis.

Ellie and Cara were on her immediately as the taxi pulled away. Luke smirked at her.

“So what happened?” Ellie asked first and Cara pouted before giving her a pointed look.

“My aunt assumed that Ashton was my new fling. My younger cousin had her year made because he spent time with her and gave her his undivided attention. I’m pretty sure my family are ready to adopt Ashton regardless of me dating him or not.” Luke laughed.

“He’s good like that. Was it nice to see your family?” She shrugged.

“A few times we had close calls with my aunt being a somewhat piece of shit about my sexuality. But my parents didn’t want the day ruined with an argument, so she let it drop thankfully.” She explained and Luke hummed in return.

As they pulled up to the party and were greeted by various people, it felt good to just drink and let loose.

She wasn’t as tightly wound like she was at the start of the week and with each shot, she found herself gravitating closer to Michael as the night progressed. He didn’t argue this as they danced together, his hands on her hips and she pressed herself closer as more bodies joined the makeshift dance floor.

And she wasn’t entirely sure at what point she made the decision, but when she looked at him, the bass of the song reverberating through her body, she watched as his eyes dropped to her lips.

Using her arms around his neck, she inched closer, and he didn’t protest and before she could stop herself, their lips were barely centimeters apart.

“You can kiss me, y’know.” He breathed and she closed the gap between them, his lips soft against hers and she found herself entirely melting against his body as he pulled her closer.

His lips parted against her tongue and she could taste the alcohol as she kissed him, his tongue meeting hers and she could feel her heart fluttering. Their bodies were still moving with the music and she pulled away, her breath catching.

“Holy shit.” He whispered and before she could think much about it, his lips were on hers once more.

As the night progressed, she stuck to his side. He didn’t protest this as they continued to drink and soon the night began to blur together, the only solid thing her memory able to recall was the feeling of Michael’s lips against hers.

When she woke up the next morning, she was half draped across Michael, in his bunk. Unlike the start of the tour, she carefully pulled herself over and carefully climbed out. He barely moved as she got to her feet and plucked her jeans from the bottom of the bunk, shimmying them on before moving to the front.

The bus wasn’t moving so she assumed that they were at the venue.

Stepping through, she was met with three smirking band members and she froze.

“So.” Luke started and she could feel warmth spread to her cheeks.

“You two finally kissed.” Ashton continued and she took the spot next to Calum who raised an eyebrow at her.

“So bisexual, huh?” She simply slumped forward, her arms folding on the table and resting her head on them.

“Can you guys, not be smug assholes for like, five minutes?” They laughed and she whined at the noise levels. They fell silent when another dull thud was heard and her heartbeat picked up. She opted to keep her head on her arms, not wanting to look up.

“Let’s grab some breakfast. Pretty sure that one of the crew members said there was a McDonald’s nearby.” Calum’s suggestion was like music to her ears as they all greeted Michael before disappearing off the bus.

“Are you gonna look at me?” Her head shot up from her arms, wincing at the sudden movement which made him smile slightly.

Butterflies flooded her stomach at that smile.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” Her question was answered with a small nod and suddenly, every word disappeared from her lips. She couldn’t figure out what to say.

“Did you want to kiss me? Like, it wasn’t just because you were drunk?” Michael finally asked and she nodded her head.

“I don’t know if it escaped your attention, but I like you, dumbass.” He stared at her for a second.

“But, Allie?” She shook her head.

“She’s exclusively dated girls. I’ve dated both.” She clarified and understanding washed over his features followed by a grin.

“So you like me?” She laughed.

“Have done for a while now, Clifford.” They both chuckled before silence fell around them.

“How do you want to do this?” He asked and she hesitated before sighing.

“We’re technically working together. I’m your opening act. I know there’s like two weeks of tour left but-”

“It wouldn’t look good if we were public with any of this.” His body deflated and she moved from her spot, sliding herself onto his lap, straddling his legs so she could face him completely. His hands automatically rested on her hips, holding her there and his cheeks took on a pinkish hue.

He looked adorable in her opinion.

“Don’t think I don’t want to date you, because I do. But I don’t want to be public about it. Not yet, and especially not whilst we’re on tour. That’s just asking for trouble.” He nodded in understanding and when his gaze dropped to her lips, she smiled slightly.

“You can kiss me y’know.” She murmured his words from the previous night, making him smile before his lips connected with hers the second she finished her sentence. This kiss was sweeter, no alcohol fuelling these decisions and it wasn’t the first thing she could taste. Her body melded against his, his grip on her hips tightening slightly before their lips pulled away.

“The next two weeks are going to fucking suck.” He muttered and she giggled softly.

“I know, but when we’re away from prying eyes, you can kiss me all you want.” She hummed and his lips met hers in response.

They stayed like that until the boys came back and she reluctantly slid off his lap, sharing a soft kiss as she did so. This earned a wolf whistle.

“About time you two. Right, we have food and you both need to get ready for soundcheck soon.” Ashton reminded them both and they shared grins before accepting the breakfast offered and she settled against his side as they ate.

As they reached the end of the week, after the last UK show, both Y/N and Ashton rushed onto their busses to grab quick showers and a change of clothes.

She stuck to travelling in comfortable clothes and packed two changes of clothes. Ellie, Cara and Rich got onto the bus as she finished throwing her charger into the carry on and before she could leave Ellie pulled her into a tight hug.

The stress that had been building up all week dissipated somewhat at that.

“I needed that.” She muttered and Cara laughed.

“Hence why Ellie is the one giving you the hug. Just don’t get into any fights and we’ll see you in two days, alright?” She nodded her head and waved to them as she disappeared off the bus. Screams erupted as she emerged and she briefly waved to the groups of fans that were at the barriers.

She didn’t even hesitate as she punched in the code to get onto the bus and found Ashton emerging from the bunks, his carry on slung across the shoulder.

“No lover boy to see you off?” He teased and she rolled her eyes.

“I already got my kiss goodbye. Why, you need one from Cal?” She teased and he laughed loudly as they exited the bus once more. The screams grew louder as they headed to the waiting car for them, getting their stuff in before climbing in.

The journey was quiet, both of them on their phones as the headed down the motorway. It wasn’t as long as they’d anticipated, due to it being so late at night. But when they reached the house hours later, it was verging on three am and both were starting to lag by this point, yawns escaping them both every now and then.

As they crept into the house as quietly as possible, she guided Ashton to her childhood bedroom and when she flicked on the light, she felt her lips pull back into a wide smile.

The airbed was made up with blankets and pillows and her own bed had fresh covers on them judging by the note that was sat on her pillow.

‘Fresh blankets and clean sheets. See you both in the morning, love mum x’

Ashton chuckled as she switched her bedside lamp on and turned the main light off, helping Ashton find a plug for his phone charger before crawling under her covers, plugging her own phone in to charge.

“Night Y/N.” Ashton muttered quietly and she flicked the light off.

“Night Ash.”

When the pair woke the next morning, it was to the sounds of the radio and the smell of cooked food.

Rolling onto her side, she spotted that Ashton was awake and scrolling through his twitter feed.

“There better not be any sleeping photos, Irwin.” She mumbled as she stretched out on her bed and Ash laughed as he looked over to her.

“You’re good. I felt like being reasonably kind to you today.”

“You’re so nice to me.”

“I try.”

They laughed before she finally rolled out of her bed and Ashton got up. Grabbing her phone, the pair headed downstairs and were met with the sight of her mum cooking breakfast whilst her dad was sat at the kitchen table.

“Morning.” She kissed her dads cheek as she made her way to the fridge to grab some juice.

“Morning you two. How was the journey last night?” Her mum asked as she began to plate up the food. Ashton took a seat at the kitchen table opposite her dad.

“Not bad. It was quite on the motorway so we didn’t really hit any traffic. I think it was about three when we got in?” She hummed in agreement.

“Yeah, three sounds about right. Did you want some juice Ash?”

“Please.”

As they ate breakfast, it was mostly quiet as the two devoured their breakfasts, much to the amusement of Y/N’s parents.

“Do they not feed you on tour?” Her dad commented and she laughed.

“The boys eat like horses. However, we didn’t grab a bite to eat after the show last night. So I guess we’re kind of hungry.” She explained as she finished up her food before pushing the plate away.

Ashton followed her example a moment later.

“That was really nice, thank you ma’am.”

“So polite.” Her mum beamed as her dad collected the plates and did the last bit of the washing up. Once he was back at the table, her mum pinned her with a look..

“We realised that you’re probably going around to Allie’s today. What did you want us to do with your stuff?” At this, the two exchanged a look and this gained both of her parents attention.

“Little one?”

“Well, I kinda bought a house whilst I was out there. I got my citizenship because my job is technically based over there now. So it made it easier to apply.” She admitted and waited as the news sunk in for both of her parents.

“So you’re moving out there for good now?” Her mum’s tone broke her heart and she pressed her lips together, trying to find the right words but without hurting her parents feelings.

Ashton stepped in and rescued her.

“It’s easier for the artist to be based close to home for some record companies. Because Y/N is such a fresh face who has had a massive upswing with her music, like there wasn’t much promotion for her stuff, but she still managed to get number one in thirteen different countries. So with her moving to LA is beneficial on both sides of the fence. It also gives her more opportunities to work with different artists because despite the reputation that LA has, it’s the place to be to get your name out there.”

She could have honestly kissed Ashton in that moment.

“So you’re saying that it’d give her exposure?” Her mum clarified and Ashton nodded.

“Various artists and bands across all genres find themselves in LA. Making those connections are always crucial and she’s made the best kind of connections already. And it’s not like she won’t have friends out there.”

She watched as her dad processed the information.

“Dad?”

“It’s a lot to take in, you moving across the world. But this is what you’ve dreamed of since you were a little girl. Who are we to cause a rift because we don’t like the decision? We knew you’d have to fly the nest eventually, maybe not so far, but we expected it after you moved in with Allie.”

She let out a breath of air she hadn’t realised she’d been holding at his words and he smiled.

“Trust me little one, we will miss you, but this is your dream. You know we’ll support you regardless.” At her mums nod, her shoulders relaxed and Ashton nudged her side.

“Told you it’d be fine.” The playful jab made laughter ring around the table as she stood and stretched.

“I’m going to get ready. We need to collect the stuff from Allie’s sooner rather than later and then maybe tonight we can go out for dinner?” She questioned her parents who shared a look before nodding.

They both went and got ready, Ashton heading to the bathroom to get changed.

When they got downstairs, she picked up her car keys and called out a goodbye as they headed out of the door.

“Didn’t realise that you could drive.” Ashton commented as she slid into the driver's seat.

“How else was I going to get around for tour?” She snorted. “I’ll need to take my test in the states, but I can drive. I might sell this car and whatever money I get from it I can put towards a new car over there.” She mused as she made the achingly familiar journey.

As she pulled up, she noticed that the car was in the driveway and her breathing hitched.

“You’ve got this. C’mon.” Ashton encouraged, climbing out of the car. It was only when he opened her door did she move and finally got out of the car, slowly walking up to the house.

Knocking on the door, her heart plummeted as an unfamiliar face opened the door.

“Hi, how can I help you?”

“Uh, is Allie here?”

“Babe, someone at the door for you.” The stranger called back. Allie appeared moments later and her face dropped.

“Oh. Y/N. Hi Ashton.” He nodded at her in return and she looked away from him.

“I’ve come to collect my stuff.” Allie seemed to paused for a second before nodding.

“Yeah, uh it’s in the garage. Let me just, grab the keys for it.” She disappeared from the door for a moment before returning and the two followed behind Allie as she walked to the garage door.

“So, how was tour?” The words were hesitant and she could feel the burning frustration mixed with hurt bubble in her chest.

“Still on it.” Came the short response and she felt a minor satisfaction as Allie flinched at her tone.

Once the garage door was open, she showed the two where her stuff was being kept and she felt grateful that there was the small mercy of it already being packed away. She didn’t want to be here longer than necessary.

It didn’t take too long to load the boxes into the car, Allie standing by, watching the pair as they shifted the last of her stuff. Once it was done and the garage door was closed once more, Y/N fished around for her keys before finding the key to the house.

“Might want to give your new girl that one. Have a nice life, and I hope it works out for you.” The words were bitter, tired. But Allie simply nodded her head, clasping the key in her hand.

“Take care.” She whispered as the two headed back to the car and she eventually headed into the house.

She lasted five minutes driving before she had to pull over, her shoulders shaking and tears blurring her vision. Ashton didn’t hesitate as he wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to get it out of her system.

There was no rush as she cried, her body tired as the tears finally slowed and the sobs died down.

“Better?” She nodded.

“Better.”

---

With the weight of her move now off her shoulders, her parents promising to get her stuff shipped to her new place, the rest of the tour felt easier.

It was the last show in Madrid when she surprised fans with the song she felt that she couldn’t play before. But she knew that her heart was on the mend.

“Over the last few months, you guys have seen me pretty much hit rock bottom. I got my heart broken whilst I was mid-tour and it sucked. And this song, it was once her song. But it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. So this song, this song is for all of you. This is your song now.”

She could see the boys side stage as she danced and sang the song, the crowd singing the lyrics right back at her and it felt like relief flooding her bones.

When she finished her set and rushed off, she was swept into tight hugs from all of the boys, Michael patiently waiting till last as they moved away from the stage, his lips meeting hers softly.

“So you’re getting there, huh?” He teased and she grinned.

“Had some help from some amazing friends. But yeah. I’m getting there birthday boy.” She hummed and his lips met hers once more.

“Pack it in love birds, we need him coherent for the show.” Calum called over to the two of them, making her giggle as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“You guys suck. You need to be nicer to me on my birthday.” He called back and Calum rolled his eyes.

“It might be your birthday in Australia, but it isn’t here. Not yet. So no I don’t need to be nicer to you.” Calum fired back making the others laugh as Michael pouted.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be your birthday when we fly home.”

“Jet lag is gonna kick our asses.” She laughed as they got their ten minute stage warning.

“Yeah well, we’ll have days after your birthday to recover. So don’t fret. Now go be a good rockstar and enjoy the night.” He grinned, his lips meeting hers once more before vanishing after his bandmates.

The last show went off without a hitch and so began the journey to LA. And despite knowing she had her own place out there, when Michael offered for her to stay over at his when they landed, she simply nodded in agreement.

They’d barely had time to drop their stuff off at his before they were being picked up again and Michael kept asking her if she knew anything.

It was difficult to keep a straight face, especially when she was so tired, so she simply let her head rest on his shoulder, shrugging as she did so.

“I don’t know what’s been planned. I was just told to stick with you.” He snorted at that and settled before they arrived at the venue and as he entered, she found herself beaming as he greeted his parents with enthusiasm, despite how tired she knew he was.

She was quickly pulled over and introduced to his parents, both who spent their time talking with her whilst he greeted everyone, unable to contain his laughter as he saw his bandmates.

“It was like, thirty minutes ago I saw you three I think? It’s been a long time, man.” This earned him tired chuckles.

Thankfully, she wasn’t expected to mingle with everyone, so whilst Michael was catching up with his friends, she stuck to the guys, trying to keep herself awake as the night grew on.

“How close are you to passing out right now?” Ashton murmured and she giggled softly.

“You’re the reason I’m still stood upright, Irwin. You’re not allowed to move.” The two of them laughed before there was calls for cake and they finally moved closer, Michael’s eyes lighting up when he spotted her. He coaxed her to his side and she did so without much argument, her body fighting the exhaustion at this point.

“I know that there are some that want me to go out, but I’m ready to just crash if I’m honest.” He hummed and she grinned at him.

“Best idea you’ve had all day, Clifford.” This made him chuckle as the gathered group of friends began to sing Happy Birthday to him and his hand slipped in hers as he blew out the candles.

By the time the cake had been cut, she’d found herself sat next to him, her face nestled against his shoulder. She was beyond caring about what people would assume at this point, and when Michael pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head in full view of all of their friends, earning the whistles from his band mates, she relaxed.

“They won’t necessarily care that I’m this affectionate with you. But I can bet you that there will be photos all over the internet in the next hour of that.” He murmured and she snorted.

“Too tired to care. M’gonna worry about that tomorrow.” She hummed in return and he snickered.

When they got back to his place, instead of crawling into the guest room like she’d planned, unsure on what the sleeping arrangement was going to be, his fingers laced with hers and he pulled her into his room, the both of them getting changed into comfier clothes.

Crawling into bed beside him, she barely managed a whispered ‘goodnight’ before she was asleep, Michael following after almost immediately.

The next morning, or afternoon at least, when she woke up, she found herself happy enough to just remain cuddled into Michael, her eyes still heavy with sleep.

“Morning.” He groaned softly as she shifted onto her side to curl closer to him.

“Afternoon.” She fired back with a yawn and he laughed.

It took them both another hour to actually pull themselves from the bed, and that was when they realised that there was no food in his house and their stuff was in need to get washed.

“So much to do, too tired to care.” He groaned into her neck as they stood in the kitchen, her body leaning against his.

“I know, but we need food and we also need clean clothes. Especially for another party in a couple of days.” She kept the mention as casual as possible, but he spun her around with ease, her back pressing into the kitchen counter.

“Oh? And what party would that be?” He queried as his thumbs began to rub gentle circles on her hips.

“My housewarming party. Last time we were in LA, Ash helped me find a place to move into and get it ready for when we got back from tour.” His lips curved into a big smile.

“Look at you getting you own place,” he teased, lips meeting hers softly, “guess I have a better reason to clean my stuff now.” He murmured against her lips and she nodded in agreement.

“Yes you do. And you also have a reason to get your ass into gear and get breakfast. We’re both hungry and need to do something.” He laughed.

“Fine. But you’re coming with me. That photo from last night has probably done the rounds already. No point in trying to hide us now.”

“Considering that we’re not on tour anymore, I guess so. But I don’t want to be blatantly obvious about it.” She warned him, allowing him to pull her back upstairs to his bedroom.

“Fine.”

As they settled back into a routine, Y/N finally moving her stuff into her new place with the help of the boys, she found herself feeling more at home than she’d ever felt in England.

Her house party only seemed to enhance that as various friends celebrated her move in, amazed she’d managed to keep the move so quiet.

“Ashton helped me find a place and people aren’t willing to go against someone who looks like him. Plus because I wasn’t even moved into the place it was easy enough to get it off public record that I bought the house.”

She did her rounds with the various people, meeting new faces as well. She felt more welcomed as many greeted her with warm hugs and shouts of excitement at the fact she was moved into LA.

Alex especially had words to say, his arm slung around his wife.

“Listen, when I first met you, I just thought you’d be some punk kid, not going to lie. You were not what I expected at all.” He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes taking a swig of her beer.

Her eyes travelled to his bandmates who she’d extended the invite to, the only one declining was Zack, who was in Hawaii at the time.

“Listen, I didn’t expect you to be such a task master, but there you were, cracking the whip, trying to get me to work out that damn order for the album.” She snarked in return, earning laughter from the people surrounding the group.

Michael had slotted himself just behind her, his arm resting around her waist gently.

“Hey, it got you a kickass album, “ Alex fired back, “how is that coming along?”

“They’ve agreed to the twelve songs, six of which have been recorded or at least demoed. I’ve got Christmas off, so I’ll probably lock myself away and work on some more songs, at least get a tune down with the piano or guitar.” She explained with a shrug.

“If you’re lacking company at Christmas, we’re staying in LA this year, so you’re more than welcome to join us. You too, Mike.” Lisa offered and she beamed at the older woman.

“I’ll take you up on the offer. My parents know I can’t constantly fly there and back on a whim at the moment, especially whilst working on the album.” Alex nodded in understanding.

“It’s difficult, but you’ve got us and everyone else here, so you’re not short on guests or even places to go.” Y/N chuckled.

“It’s appreciated, trust me.”

She finally moved along to a few others, keeping a firm grip on Michael’s hand. He didn’t protest as they moved from group to group, talking about the album, the tour and everything in between. She knew this was the best choice she’d made in a long time.

It was after the houseparty, when almost all of the the guests had left, the housewarming gifts left on the dining room table, did she finally pull Michael upstairs, his lips curved up in an amused smile.

His lips were all over her as he pressed her into the bed sheets once their clothing was shed.

His name was the only thing that she could say coherently that night.

Waking up with him the next morning, his skin against hers, she realised how much she actually enjoyed the feeling especially knowing it was his arms she was waking up in.

Their journey to Australia wasn’t too bad. She was mostly jittery when Michael brought her around to his parents.

“I know you’ve already met her, but this is my girlfriend, Y/N.” He introduced the three of them properly, shocking her for a solid minute before her lips grew into this untouchable smile.

“So I’m your girlfriend, huh?” She teased him later that night as they lay together, cuddled tightly. He groaned.

“Would you like me to do a song and dance routine to ask you to be my girlfriend?” He murmured, shifting himself so that he was hovering above her, his lips at her neck.

“No, but clarification would be nice next time.” She breathed, a soft moan escaping as he found her sweet spot.

“Will you, please, be my girlfriend?” He murmured against her skin before pulling away, his eyes searching her face.

“Of course I will, dumbass.” His lips met hers once more.

His parents were easy going and she could see where his laid back nature came from.

“So are your parents going to be at the ARIA’s?” Karen asked the day before the awards show. She smiled ruefully into her cup of tea.

“I wish they were, but the cost of them to fly out was a lot more than I anticipated. So they’re going to be up stupidly early and try to watch a stream. But it’s the thought that counts for me, I know that my dad would’ve been there in a heartbeat if he could.” The two of them traded a quiet giggle as Michael followed in behind his dad, dropping a gentle kiss to her cheek.

“You okay?” He murmured and she nodded her head.

“Yeah, your rehearsal go okay?” Hers had been first thing that day, making her reluctant to leave the warm bed and her boyfriend. When she’d returned, he had already gotten up and left for his own rehearsal.

“Yeah. We’ve also seen the seating. You’re only a few seats away from us. Luke is next to Nicole Kidman.” This made her giggle.

Performing at the ARIA’s was certainly something she’d never expected to be doing, but the way that her song had been received, and seeing even the famous faces singing along, it melted her heart.

It was when she won Best Upcoming Artist that it really struck her that this was an actual event happening.

As she walked by the boys, she hugged all four of them, Michael’s lips lingering on her cheek for a moment before she rushed to the stage, her eyes staring at the award in her hand, shock being the only emotion that she could fully comprehend.

“This time last year, I had no idea where my life was going to go. I’d not long returned from LA I’d been offered the chance of a lifetime to not only record my EP with some incredible people, but I landed myself a record contract and chance of a lifetime. All I had was a finished single that was about to get released to the world and an EP that I was nervous about releasing. But seeing how quickly it gained traction, oh my god. I can only thank the people who have been so supportive of me, John Feldmann, Alex Gaskarth, the boys in 5 Seconds of Summer, my parents who are going to go ballistic over the phone when they see this.” This earned her laughter amongst the crowd.

“Just wow. Thank you so much for this.” She knew that she hadn’t been prepared, she hadn’t expected to win. But she had.

And when Michael found her later on, his smug grin said it all.

“I do believe I can say, I fucking told you so.” He teased her, crouching in front of her. She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up.” She muttered before leaning forward and kissing him quickly.

“So much for not being so blatant?” He teased and she groaned.

“I really don’t care right now. I’m happy. I won an award I didn’t think I’d even be nominated for. Literally a year ago I was a nobody.”

“And look at you now. I’m telling you, your own world tour will be next.” This made her laugh as she shook her head and they were called back to their own seats.

True to prediction, her parents called her, her mum screaming in excitement and her dad rattling off about how proud he was. Michael had his arms around her as she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. This was what made the move worth it.

The news did its round of their kiss, and she knew that there would be plenty of articles trashing her, but she cared less when they returned to LA, his hand in hers as they left the airport.

“I guess this is making us a thing now?” He teased he as they caught glimpse of another article online. She groaned.

“Pretty sure you need to take me out to dinner first, Clifford. Boyfriend or not.” He laughed.

“So, dinner?”

She could only laugh as he kissed her soundly, her heart racing as she smiled into the kiss. Things would be just fine.

---

tag list: @cals-babylons , @glitterprincelu , @calumspeachy , @wrappedaroundcal , @cosmocalum , @mistletoemichael , @talkfastfletcher , @hereforlukescruff , @astroashtonio , @catchinqcalum , @roselukes , @5saucewho, @babylon-uncrowned , @dontstopisagoodsongchangemymind , @therainydays4 , @asht0ns-world , @silverchainbee , @hidd3nfangirl , @doodleasouarus , @empathycth , @mylovehes , @songforhema , @kinglyhood , @youngblood199456 , @makecoffeenotwars , @5squash , @negative-love , @softboycal , @kinglycalum , @you-of-ghost , @meetyoutheremgc , @lmao5sosimagines , @lietoash , @aw-hawkeye , @biggestslutforcalum , @drummerboy794 , @itjustkindahappenedreally, @mycollectionofnuts , @coreybryanttrash , @abitloudforanaccousticset , @boytoynamedcalum , @teampreator , @dukehoods , @dweebluke , @calumhampton , @lashtoncurls , @toofadedtofight , @gigglyirwin , @blue-skies-are-alright , @hearts-to-the-sky , @tiddlerrr , @all-i-want-is2b-loved-by-you , @thesensationalcalum , @ashtxns-hxe , @cakeassx-blog , @dancingonanemptywallet , @rotten-kandy , @vipclifford , @musiclover1263 , @irwinsbambi ,  @rosecoloredash , @jpgluke , @cathartichaoss , @5secondssofssummer , @cozyfivesos , @balsamichood , @cliffordstxngue , @lukesbellas , @myloverboyash , @cxddlyash , @issuffering , @gabiatthedisco , 

There are some blogs who have changed their urls that I haven’t caught. Also there are a few I can’t seem to tag, please make sure that your blog is searchable. If you want to be added to the tag list, drop me a message.

[sarah-crewe]

hi, bud! one, five, eight, nine, twelve, twenty three, and thirty, please and thank you

1. your favourite playlist (made by yourself or someone else) Like all true connoisseurs of playlists, I have one or two playlists where I dump all the songs I’m obsessed with and I listen to it over and over until I get sick of it, or develop too many new obsessions and need to make a new one, or go somewhere and therefore make a specific new playlist. The current playlist is called, very imaginatively, temp playlist. It is technically a public playlist and has literally no rhyme or reason to it, which is how I’m operating through this time: good enough for now!! and then on to the next thing I have to worry about.

5. 5 tv shows that cheer you up  1. Killing Eve (ep. 3 was a masterpiece)  2. Every Dimension 20 show (no joke, sometimes the only thing getting me through lately)  3. Parks and Rec (still my go-to classic)  4. Legends of Tomorrow, but only the Avalance scenes thanks to someone on youtube who uploads them every week you’re the real hero  5. and I guess if that’s making the cut, I have to say Young and the Restless but only the Mariah and Tessa scenes, same thing, shout out to youtube heroes. I haven’t been able to focus on much right now, but I can watch all of these. 

8. if you were going to write a non-fiction book on any topic, what would it be? I could definitely write a very opinionated book on figure skating. Someone mentioned An/na Shcher/bakova to me the other day and I blacked out and woke up 3 minutes into a rant.

9. a quote that you would consider getting tattooed or putting in a frame Does it count if I already got it tattooed? I have a quote from A Little Princess (shocking) tattooed on my arm. It says “The worst thing never quite comes” and it’s supposed to be a lesson in chilling the fuck out, and is actually moderately successful. I’m sure there are more, but since I already did it, I’ll count that one. 

12. if you could make a candle that smelt like anything, what would you pick? My favorite candle that already exists is this one which I owe and love. There’s not much better I can think of without getting into some non-romantic amortentia shit. 

23. the book you just finished and what you thought (no spoilers!) Technically the book I finished last was Dealing with Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede, which I finished last week for the read-aloud I’m doing at work. It’s one of my faves from when I was a kid--Cimorene is a princess who hates being boxed into all the things that princesses are supposed to do, so she runs away and becomes a dragon’s princess and helps foil a political plot. Very sensible, very feminist, very good for baby me. Every day I say I’m going to read and then every day, all the hours from the end of work to bedtime last exactly one minute and then it’s 2 or 3 am and I’m fucked if I even look at a book so....

30. a song that makes you want to have a boogie round your bedroom A small selection from the seminal classic: temp playlist. Raise Hell by Dorothy, I Think He Knows by Taylor Swift, Baby Baby by Amy Grant, Celebrate by Ingrid Michaelson.