#english isnt my first language and sometimes i just dont Get a sentence or a joke or whatever

[raleighbeckett]

sometimes i hate tumblr so much i'm so mad

evrybody here is 'oh we're all autistic pls use tone indicators because understanding social interactions and jokes is hard haha' and then if someone doesnt get a post or a joke yall go 'thats so funny nobody tell them'

[m1sa-w1sa]

Hi!!! Sorry if this is annoying but could I request SAGAU!Diluc and a GN!creator who is obsessed with him (lvl 90, signature weapon, triple crown, multiple constellations) irl? Specifically them talking to Diluc through the screen because they’re kinda delulu, congratulating him and stuff when he does The Big Damage (TM), and apologizing when he accidentally dies in combat? Sorry for requesting if you’re busy, I just really like Diluc and there’s not enough SAGAU fics about him behind the screen. If you write this req I will be eternally grateful to you!!!

(Oo!! I love doing SAGAU fics! Ty for requesting! Again this isnt proofread and english isnt my first language sighs but if you would like a part two! Just lmk! In dms or request again!

• So when you first started playing genshin you absolutely loved diluc! He looked so pretty/handsome to you! •You were so excited that you got him first try, when you looked at him through the character menu he felt a strong presence, he kept on feeling it the more time he spent with you •At C1 he started to connect the dots about a divine being •C2 he could hear faint voices it sounded soft… like it was filled with care •C3 He could fully hear you, he found it surprising, is this really real..? To be fair, he was a bit pissed about being in a ‘ video game ‘ for people’s entertainment but for some reason.. you made it more tolerable •C4 He could start to see faint bright silhouettes of you when he was exploring with you, traveling, or doing commissions •C5 He could make out more of your figure, with color, your smile, your body, your hair •Finally at C6 he could see you fully, it was like you were walking with him.. side by side.. fighting with him, running with him… it felt nice, like the warmth he had never felt in a long time •This was rather quickly, him figuring this out more than anything, sometimes he tries to communicate with you with his voice lines being slightly different ‘ Thank you, for making me stronger. ‘ ’ One day, maybe i can see you, dont you agree? ‘ •Or maybe if you were grinding for his signature weapon, he would tell you to of course, take breaks from time to time with his voice lines ‘ Please, take a break, ill handle it from here.. ‘ •When you congratulate him for doing good damage he was shocked at first, but it felt nice, it felt like chains are being released from his shoulders •Hearing your soft apologies make him ponder, why is the all mighty creator apologizing..? And to him? But it also makes him think, every time he fails.. will you replace him? •Talking to him over the screen with short sentences make him smiles ever so slightly, his mouth curling up into a smile on his character •When you descended to tevyat he knew, how? The feeling of you there was to strong, it was like he was being lured to you by a leash.. •When he found you, he bowed down ‘ Your grace, please forgive my intrusive actions on greeting you like this.. ‘ •He felt warmth, more warmth that he will ever feel with your arms around him, like as if he was a young kid again ‘ Thank you.. Your grace.. ‘ •If you were seen as a imposter than he would stand by your side, he would be foolish not to •If you got caught he would turn himself in, what follower would he be for breaking the promise he made to the creator? •You and him stood together and now you will fall together, both of you getting the death penalty, colds blades to your neck as he turns to you ‘ Im sorry Your grace.. I was strong enough.. ‘ •The mix of gold and red blood trailing down your bodies, everone shocked, how could they do this..? Why did they..? Please forgive them they were foolish! •You woke up on your bed, feeling sore, scars, bruises, burn marks, all over your body you turn, seeing a strand of red hair, you lean over, seeing diluc passed out on the floor •When he woke up seeing your fave one more time, in this… ‘ new ‘ world… he wouldnt trade it for anything

[fryktheciller]

Cooler

charlie dalton x gn!reader

summary: a summer evening at dalton's place

notes: hi!! this is the first ff i actually finished writing and im dying inside at the thought of posting it. english isnt my first language and im posting this at 2 am, after a poor revision, idk what to say expect spelling mistakes and sentences that dont make sense and raskolnikov-like blurb cause im him hes me and ok i really need to close this paragraph.

Days fly by with Dalton. His parents, two goddamn toffs, sure had great taste, both in furniture and especially in friends. God bless that day his parents decided to become best friends with yours.

Can't say the same about their son, Charlie, a professional dickhead, from the day you knew each other until the day he'd close his eyes and become cold. Sure, he's hot and pretty and oh so charming; sometimes he can also be kind and gentle, but he's got something that’s scary magnetic, and addictive, or at least you think so. That something’s everywhere: in the way he moves his hands while he's explaining the last shitplan he’s come up with while smoking on the balcony; the way he rolls up his shirt, thinking it will help doing a math test, knowing damn well he's going to pass by a stroke of pure luck; or the way he plays the most outrageous melody on his sax, still making it somehow so good and passionate. Also (did I mention it?) he's quite literally the definition of gorgeous—the definition of kalokagathia, except it’s all looks and no agathia. The whole thing’s like: I could love him. And you, oh so desperately!, do. 

The sun’s setting, it’s humid, and the air’s filled with the scent of flowers and the smoke of Charlie’s cigarette. 

–Want one?- He hands you his torn-out red Marlboro packet and his lighter.

You take one and light it up, sitting on the balcony’s hot tiles. 

–Got no dates this summer?

He shrugs, smiling and blowing smoke into your face.

–Got asked out a couple of times before school was over. It's that I'm not interested, don't really know why.

You drag from your cigarette and blow the smoke out, then lightly tap it to get rid of excess ash. 

–Milord, if you may forgive the vulgar language I’m about to use, us peasants call it being in love, or having an interest in someone. Again, sorry for using such vulgar and disgraceful language.

He laughs, and you laugh along with him.

He puts out the cigarette on the tiles, and shrugs again. 

–I don't know.

–It’s not that you don't know; you'd like not to know. Falling in love with someone must be such a sin in the Charlie Dalton religion.

He laughs mechanically, somehow. He hesitates, smiles, and, once again, shrugs. 

–Generally I try to avoid these statements, but now I can't help but embrace them. I've given up.

You laugh, and he follows you—heartily, even. 

–But you?

–Me?

He gestures vaguely with his hand, and you find yourself staring at it with lust, almost. 

–Laid those pretty eyes on someone?

You shrug.

–Nothing much.

–What does that even mean? It's either yes or no. You said it. 

–Didn’t say it. I implied it

–Smartass.

–You’re just jealous of my linguistic capacities.

–Sure I am. Now is it some new incestuos-alien-being who doesn’t even know what a woman is, or is it someone worthy of your admiration?

 –He’s…definitely worth my attention. I think. But I have no hopes. I count on nothing. The thing is: do you really have such low consideration for my romantic interests?

You raise an eyebrow at him, almost mischievously. 

–Not at all. I remember all of those creatures you swore to your mother you loved. And, oh god!, you might expect to find someone pretty on a list that's basically a decade long, but no! Each and one of them is outrageous-looking and with absolutely no social skills. Sometimes, I’ll be honest, I really wondered if you were joking, and for some time I even believed that. But what a realization it was when I understood you found those things pretty.

You both laugh again, and you visualize and remember all those “people” you liked and that you now look at with disgust and apathy.

You’re folded over your stomach, tears of laughter streaming down your face, your tummy hurts, and you can't breathe; he's no different, lying down on the floor, arms wrapped around his stomach, wet lines at the corners of his face, and misty eyes; almost like he was thinking about the same thing as you.

As soon as you thought it was over, anything like a weird look was enough to get you both to start laughing.

–Good god,– you whisper, wiping off the tears with your fingers.

–I think I have never laughed so much at something I said. 

A smile is enough as a response; anything else would kill you.

–By the way, he’s really pretty.

He raises an eyebrow, almost trying to contradict you. 

You smile at him, as if trying to get him started on a debate.

–Description?– he asks, understanding your intentions.

–No, for god’s sake. 

–Not even a hint? A tiny little hint?

–Nothing, absolutely nothing. 

How would you describe this person anyway? “A brunette and dark-eyed boy who plays the saxophone and is a dickhead for a living”? It’s ridiculously explicit. 

–How ‘bout you? It's not that I care, but, you know...

He laughs in response.

–No, you’d tell them.

–Why would I do that? I most likely have no clue who that is.

He shakes his head. 

–Do I know them, at least?

He shrugs and hesitates.

 –Pretty much, yes.

Your head hurts; your stomach is practically in your throat; and you spat your heart long ago. You hope to God that he doesn't come up with a “it’s you” thing because you would faint on the spot. 

–Oh, but it’s your turn now,– he says, nudging you with his elbow.

–Do you know him? ...uhh yes, I suppose so. 

–Great.

–Yeah.

Silence falls between you. You tilt your head and look at the sky, intense, dark, and somehow transparent and clear, like it is only in summer; the air is now fresher, and a soft breeze rises, contrasting with the boiling heat of the tiles. Everything’s humid, full of the scent of flowers, from both florid and almost empty plants, frogs croaking, and fireflies, opposing the equally intense beaming, but perhaps less faint, of the stars. 

Your head still hurts; you can see but you can't really see; you still have the laughter from before in your tummy, and thinking about it still makes you chuckle. 

He seems to ignore you. He lit up another cigarette. “What’s he thinking about?” you think, looking at the sun-colored and bustling flame from the lighter, then at the less intense and steadier one on the tobacco. 

“Must be so unhealthy for him to smoke like this,” you think, and you find yourself pitying him, "ridiculous," is your comment. It is indeed ridiculous to pity someone who rejects deeply and obstinately the concept of that feeling. 

You want to hold him against your chest or on your shoulder, smell the scent of his skin, and keep him close, even if that means dying from the heat. You stare at his profile—that huge yet so perfect nose; that big hand, well-kept like only a musician can do; then the cigarette, already half-burnt; and his lips, chapped and dry. You look at them with lust once again, but not lust lust, something more tender and sweeter, rather than sinful, even though the sin part doesn't really bother you. 

“Tell him, c'mon, tell him,” a little voice in your head was screaming. Of course you’re not going to tell him, or maybe yes? What would happen if you did? You'd lose a friendship that's scary long; that’s what would happen. And what would you do without him? Could you make it? Of course not. You don't remember what it feels like not to have him by your side. Plus, he wouldn't forget: who the hell would forget the love confession from their best friend anyway?

“C'mon, tell him, tell him!” You swear you hear that tiny voice screaming at the top of its lungs.

No, you won't tell him; you'll bring your feelings to the grave with you. 

He put out the cigarette, still in silence. 

“C'mon!! Carpe diem, for fuck’s sake!” What does that even mean? Can I kill a man because I thought “carpe diem" ? That doesn't make any fucking sense. And when did you really start to love him? Months ago? Days ago? Years ago? It could have been yesterday; you’d swear you’ve been loving him for years. 

You start to embrace the idea of telling him. “How would I even put up the whole sentence?” You can't do anything but tell him. Let's be honest; it feels like lying to him, and would you want someone else to tell him rather than you?

–Char

He turns at you with a questioning gaze on his face. Your heart's beating so fast that you feel your arteries are going to explode.

–Can’t beat around the bush much longer, you know. That person…

You pale, feeling the blood pump hard in your temples, and you start to wonder if those were really your last words.

–Cool.

He doesn't feel the same way; it's clear. 

–It's even cooler because I really like you too.

You smile and start to chuckle; it feels like fresh air after holding your breath for too long. He responds with a soft laugh, heartily, then wraps an arm around your shoulders and brings your figure next to hiss, kissing your forehead with those chapped and dry lips that feel like a fresh towel you washed without fabric softener. 

–Were you going to confess your sins eventually?– You joke, still smiling.

–Perhaps, yes. Seems like we’re going to be busy earlier than I expected, though. 

He smirks, a flashing Charlie Dalton smirk. You groan, annoyed, in response.

–Fucking disgusting, Charlie.

–Sure, sure. 

–It's too hot to have sex, Charlie. Don't tell me you don't think so.

–You just told me you liked me, and you have already started to protest?

He shakes his head in mock disapproval.

–You’re not going anywhere, like this.

You chuckle.

–Kiss me, and I'll stop whining.

–Could have told me earlier, maybe we could have actually got to have sex,– he laughs, leaning in. 

His lips are on yours; they're soft, gente, and warm, but still rough and dry. 

God, this boy needs chapstick so badly.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset at my mom?

🎵🎵 (to find it)

I know it's not a real big deal, but it's starting to get upsetting. English is not my first language and im on mobile sl sorry about that.

Okay, so my(20f) mother (F mid40s) suffer from long covid. Her symptoms consist of chronic fatigue, short breath, join pain and brain fog. (I still live home because im a college student, and finding an appartment in this market is hell)

We've been really supportive of her :

I drive most of the time, and my sister(16f) has her apprentice driver license, so she drives for mom when im at school; when we go to the mall and she need to take a break to breath, i always offer to go get her a wheelchair, or going to get the car, she sleeps a lot in the day so we don't make noise, i bought her loops earplug for sleeping, etc.

We're are used to it and my dad (mid40s too) work 12 hours a day to compensate for the money we're losing with mom on sickleave (where we live we have job insurance and etc): he starts at 5:30am to 6pm, and i usually only see him in the evening, so the only time we really are together as a family is during the evening meal.

There is where i could be the a-hole:

Since mom got long covid, it takes more time for her to respons us, and her memory isnt as good as it was (shes well known in her workplace, she a well respected manager who takes great care of her employees). It's just, almost every night, when me or my sister or even my dad are telling a something that happened in our day, she always cut us to say something, like :don't forget to put this in that, or just to say something she did that day over our own story, or asking me to bring her water in the middle of my sister's sentences (which she could have waited for after she was done).

So we, someone different each time, always tell her "X was speaking, you just cut them, and you do this often, please let them finish" and, well, when it happens everytime i am (or my sister) is trying to say something, it get upsetting. And she always uses the same reasons: "we're a family and we're cohabiting, sometime we talk over you but still listen to you" (no she doesn’t, i have to tell her a million times the same fucking thing and she always forget) or "you know my mind is a little slow right now, i'll forget if i don't say it" or she gets upset because we're annoyed by it.

But god forbid if you cut her! She'll raise her tone, and still doesn't get why we're upset.

Like, i get it, she got long covid and it's a bitch to deal with the way your cognitive capabilities slow down with the fatigue, but we've been extremely helpful (and im still gonna be, because she's my mother) and her allowing herself to lack respect towards us doesn't excuse her because she's ill. At least this is how i see it?

At this point i dont really know if i can feel upset? Like, she's my mom, and she's ill (and it's really depressing seeing her this put down by the symptoms i don't wish it to anyone) but im just so tired to have to restart the same sentence four or five time because she keep interrupting me

So, aita?

What are these acronyms?

[cal-writes]

For the More Fic Writer Asks, I'd love to hear more about your writing and editing process! 17 and 1 if you have the time, please! :)

17. talk about your writing and editing process

my process is very chaotic so brace yourself

most of the time i start with dialogue. i mentioned it a few times i think but a lot of times an exchange of dialogue is the scaffolding that i build the scene around of. 221 Beika Street is the best example i think it started with this bit of dialogue

“You want us to live and work together?”

“Like Holmes and Watson.”

“Am I Watson in this scenario?”

“Well, you already have a cane-”

and it all went from there. sometimes i’ll have ideas for whole scenes that i write down and think about context later but thats usually when i already have a vague plot or premise in mind. second chapter of Law’s Eleven from zoros pov was just short single paragraphs that i then expended upon

i tend to get my ideas when im lying in bed so they get dumped into my telegram chat with myself or random docs so that ends up looking like that

when im trying to gather all the pieces i pull them all into a full doc vaguely in order so i dont lose anything. i make a copy and depending how polished the bits are i either work directly in the collection or rewrite in a new doc with the other one open on the same screen

if i already have a plot in mind or its an ongoing project with multiple chapters i might also have bullet points for plot beats or character stuff. Lucky Charm definitely requires that bc its like complicated deductions and stuff. future detco au also has a spreadsheet with a timeline and important dates and birthdays. occasionally i’ll also have a spreadsheet for characters and oc’s so with descriptions and traits so i can find it faster.

when im writing on the fic itself and i get stuck i’ll occasionally just put placeholder bulletpoints with what needs to happen and then continue on or a scene is getting its own doc

before i send it to my beta i consolidate all the pieces in one place and read it through at least once if not more times. do some minor edits, add some stuff, delete some stuff, reword. my first language isnt english so sometimes my wording is wack.

my beta does her thing, when things dont make sense or i use the wrong words she’ll make a comment and ill look over it again or she’ll make suggestions

when shes done i usually wait until to post until saturday to tuesday around 9pm my time

1. the last sentence you wrote

the last sentence i wrote is from the nami pov snippet so i shared that already and the one before that is a spoiler so i’ll share this wip

[lokilysolbitch]

My new fixation is bad poetry

and its making me think about how to define art and poetry and what makes poetry good etc but I can't go back and find my sophomore english teacher and rant about it so I'm making it yalls problem. but mr c if ur in here pls read also what do you mean thats one way to skin a hamster. thats not how it goes what are you talking abou

first of all, ive finally figured out my current definition of art: records of the human experience or just experience in general. so yes paintings and poetry but ALSO tiktoks or a decorated room. idc if you think its stupid there are remnants and references to human experiences ALL OVER those. so basically if it left a mark at any point, its art. maybe not always "good" or skilled, deep, etc but it is art (to me)

secondly, what is poetry? the same sophomore english teacher asked this at the beginning of a unit and the class was struggling. every time we listed a requirement for poetry he went "is that necessary though?". "it has to rhyme" "does it?" "it has to be deep" "does it" "it needs to have words!" ".....does it?" man idk i was 15 and sleep deprived

but now im less sleep deprived and i have an answer. I would consider poetry a spectrum (but not necessarily flexible. i wouldn't say you have to bend it's meaning to make something fit) but also playing with language, to be playful with it and have fun with it, to use it as a toy in a way. using language in a way different from its intended use. so writing a personal narrative about a deep topic? not poetry. maybe you had fun with it but thats still its main use. to make words rhyme, to alliterate, to use words just plain wrong? probably poetry. its still a spectrum. and im aware this means that saying something like "yew nork/glass fork" would count as a shitpost and poetry while "Ill love you and ill never stop loving you" doesnt and um i dont care i said what i said--

this would also mean most books and speeches would have little bits of poetry in there and i stand by that too. maybe the entire thing isnt poetry but bits of it could count. i came to this conclusion on the meaning of poetry because i saw too many "aesthetic" free verse poems that were just. tweets. you coulda just made it a sentence and posted it for free. there was no attempt to play with language. you just used it the way you were supposed to. its just a quote.

im definitely going to add more onto this about what i think poetry critics miss sometimes and why formal teaching of poetry is flawed but not all in one post bc its a lot. However i have one last concept to attempt to define. this one has always made me the angriest

GOOD VS BAD POETRY/ART

where do i even start. maybe we should just get rid of these terms completely and make people say what they mean. is it good or did he just use literary devices correctly. is it good or is it genuine. is it good or is it deep. is it good or is it entertaining. is it good or do you like it. is it good or is it popular. is it good or is it complex. is it good or is it creative.

ive been saying since i was i was maybe 12-13 that even though good does not have a solid stable meaning, there is still a sense of what good is. We know what its supposed to be. classical music, Edgar Allen Poe, Da Vinci are good. sure most people barely know or understand or care about these things other than one piece of work they can recall because they had to look at it in highschool that time and the teacher seemed to appreciate it. and we know that reality tv, messily hand drawn animals, and half assed near unintelligible tiktok skits are bad.

but....wait we like those though

ive come to the conclusion that while still shifting, "good"'s meaning in scholarly settings tends to come down to whatever those somethingth century european dudes and what the modern smart looking guys deemed intelligent. and in colloquial settings, what everyone likes.

many pretentious types will say rap is bad and the subject matter is crude and the same way im sure some old european guy would have said or has said traditional african music is too weird and primitive to be respectable.

now. i dont really listen to rap intentionally. if its in there its in there. I used to be pretentious and after changing i just never got too deep into it BUT. i listened to a Nicki Minaj song one time just to see and yeah it was not family friendly but dear god was it clever. the way she'd drop the most genius alliteration-personification-allegory-englishvocabword and then just keep it moving like im not gonna have to stop and ponder the seven layer reference to bedtime hanky panky. its smart. its creative. its complex. and so many rappers can write about the same topics over and over and still come back with a new way of phrasing it. its genuinely impressive

but so many still wouldn't consider it good.

the term good when it comes to art, while having somewhat of a meaning is still useless. make your own personal standards for what is important for you to see in art. its kind of silly for us to collectively decide "okay this art? we like it. this is good" and then go to a different community (age group, culture, race) and go "were going to show you the new gold standard for good! its what we liked! you dont do it like this?? then yours is bad!". historically thats never been a good move

what i find important with poetry (and by poetry i mostly mean song writing bc i dont even read poetry like that) tends to be "is it a poem? or a sentence/paragraph". everything other than that just has to do with my taste and what I prefer in the moment. and it goes the same for everyone else. there's no universal good or bad with art. its just what a dominant or culturally respected group of people said was important.

limericks are bad tho jesus told me/j

TL;DR: i think anything that records an experience is art. i think toying with language mostly makes it poetry, and i think its weird people create little boxes for good and bad and make everyone else adhere to it

[usertoxicyaoi]

Hey faiza I hope you dont mind sharing, but if you do you can ignore this ask, I wouldnt mind.

I have a younger sister who's recently diagnosed with autistism and I've tried to do research regarding it but I still feel helpless and that somehow I'll mess up. She's still growing and I want her to call home a safe place cause she has trouble with the outside world since there isnt a lot of awareness about autism here. Can you please guide me a bit? How you guys handle stuff at home? Any reading material that helped you. Thank you

hiiii anon!!! that's fine! honestly it was hard. bc my brother is the only boy from us all, and we're 4 siblings. there's me as the eldest, then my sister, then my brother and then my youngest sister. so at first, my parents just thought that bc was my brother was the only boy, that he might be developing a lot slower than me and my sister did as girls, but that eventually at the age of 2 or 3, he'd catch up. he didnt.

and my mum was the first one to sorta catch on that something didnt feel right. so after the health visitor inspected my brother and he got assessed, my brother got diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. my dad was a little reluctant at first to accept it, bc no one in my family history (either from my mum or dad's side) have autism or any type of special educational needs or disabilities, so my parents didnt really Know how to handle this all. but then my dad, after some time, came round.

and its not easy at all. it still isnt even though he's 23 now. but we've had a lot of support from different professionals, who are a whole team that have stuck with my brother at various points in his life, like his speech and language therapist or his educational psychologist or his medical staff or his teachers or his social worker etc. so they've always supported us and given us guidance and sent my parents to various courses - like triple p, something i hiiiiiiighly recommend. as a teacher, i also look into team teach, but i'd recommend even that too tbh, as a way to help and learn about de-escalation, and how you can positively help your sister in her education and broader sense of learning. another thing we also use is PECS - its honestly v v v useful for most children with autism as it helps them visualise their routine/timetable for the day/planned activities, but it also helps in allowing them to express what or how they feel, like hunger or fatigue, and helps them communicate their needs to you, if you help them understand what the visual cards represent.

for my brother, we've always had him have his own bedroom, and thats his private space to cool off and calm down that we rarely go in. my brother's non verbal, so he really has struggled with communication. we know a bit of BSL (sign language) and that helped when he was a kid, but as he grew, his school and his teachers slowly got him to begin speaking. he now only speaks in 3 or 4 word strings, not full sentences, but its a huge development!

my brother's really into disney, so he has a collection of disney books and films in his bedroom. what i'm saying is that get the time to explore what your sister's interests and hobbies are, and make her safe space one that holds her interests to help her feel secure. my brother isnt very into sensory textured things, so food isn't a huge issue with him, but for your sister, explore what textures she likes and what she doesnt. we dont ever force my brother into something he doesnt want to do, and sometimes that can mean cancelling plans last minute as a whole family too, which can be quite upsetting. so sometimes what helps is telling my brother well in advance that we're planning to do xyz on such a day, so that on that day, he isnt overcome with anxiety, bc most children with autism need a set routine, and if that gets disrupted, then they will behave anxiously. so now, when we have to go to a wedding or go out to eat, we tell my brother a week or so in advance, and he's okay with that.

but also, build some independence and decision making in them! let them choose what clothes they want to wear, what food they want to eat, whether they want to do english or maths today etc. sometimes things can become overwhelming and they do hit or bite or pinch or throw things. thats the moment where you just say a firm No and step away. let them cool off, and that will give you a chance to cool off too.

and always make sure YOU are okay too. if it gets too much, speak to your family. make sure different people are with your sister, because it can be physically difficult and mentally emotional. if you want to rest one day and have that day for yourself, tell someone in your family in advance and have some me time, and that will give a different family member a chance to spend time with your sister. that will help your sister build more relationships too! some days, my brother doesnt even wanna see my face, and thats ok! he spends that day with my other sisters or my parents or he'll go out with my cousin or sometimes, just by himself, bc they need that too.

and if you just tell someone, if you are going out somewhere, that you have a family member that has autism, you'll be surprised with how accommodating people are, and that helps so so much as opposed to not telling and then you'll get stressed and anxious too. like, sometimes, crowds and big spaces stress my brother out, even now, for example at a wedding we recently went to. but we told the person who invited us about my brother, and they said its absolutely no problem whatsoever if my brother needs to step out for a bit to get some fresh air or if he needs to be fed first etc. and in the same vein, i'd say to keep your conversations with you and your sister's "team" (her school teachers etc) ongoing, so that everyone is on the same page. for example, if you were to go on holiday or implement a new habit or try something new with your sister, if your sister's whole "team" knows about this, then you are all on the same page, and will help build that new change for your sister.

its honestly a learning experience that will never end, if i were to be honest. and some days its so .... hard. and other days its the most heartwarming thing you'll ever experience. make sure you take care of yourself, including speaking to someone if gets too much, so you can take care of your sister. and soon enough you yourself with just ... develop a sixth sense for who and what your sister wants or doesnt want and who or what she does or doesnt need.

🧡

[inyoursheets]

i got tagged by the kind @bourbon-ontherocks​ to do the language tag game thingy so let’s goooo

below the cut bc my english language journey has many twists and turns (jk im just a wordy person) (in writing) (as you may know by now)

How many languages do you speak?

two bc im an embarrassment to all my high school modern language teachers. so just dutch and english im afraid

What’s your native language?

my first language is dutch

Which language you’re most comfortable with?

it’s unnerving as hell but............it’s increasingly becoming english? youd think dutch would be the answer and it is in some ways, but considering most of my degree was in english, i genuinely struggle to express myself in dutch more when speaking on topics related to my field. so basically whenever someone tries to debate me im like !! i know but i dont know how to say this in dutch !! aah !! help !!! many thoughts, zero coherent sentences

the only reason im less comfortable w english is when speaking, mostly bc of my pronunciation. speaking english is something i do considerably less compared to reading, writing, and listening in/to english, especially now that im done w my studies.

also! i notice that while i understand the meaning of english words, sometimes when i deliberately literally translate them in my head (a much slower process than the intuitive way i normally speak/listen to english) the meaning hits me more? like, it sinks in a little more, it lands closer to home? english not being my first language means it creates some emotional distance from what im talking about.

so, i now sometimes try to deliberately seek out books and articles in dutch on important topics, bc that way i take in more of the depth of meaning and i feel addressed more directly on an intuitive level. does that make sense? for example, reading about racism and white privilege in english gives me a little more distance from the subject tho it shouldn’t, by virtue of it being in a language that is not the one i was raised with. so especially topics relating to (my) societal privileges, i try to also engage with in dutch, and not just in english. im not gonna stop learning about them in english, there’s a fuckton more information out there on any topic, really, in english, and so many people i learn so much from speak english. but i gotta keep reminding myself to also consume dutch articles/books/etc., especially when it’s very important that i really hear what’s being said

Where or how did you learn English?

formally? i started in primary school and then all of high school (we dont have middle school here, fyi). but really, what helped the most was reading books and watching tv shows and films in english.

first, id read the dutch translation of a book. then id read the english version, already knowing the story. then slowly i got to a point where i didnt need to already know the book before being able to read it in english.

same with tv and film -- first id watch dubbed versions of tv shows, which is common practice in the netherlands with shows aimed at a young audience (that’s the extent of it as far as i can tell - other than kids’ movies, films in the cinema are not dubbed). then i got to a point where i could watch those same shows in english with dutch subtitles (shows airing earlier in the day would be the dubbed version, and in the evening theyd be subbed). then i got to a point where i could watch shows that aren’t dubbed in the first place, with dutch subtitles. then i got to the stage where i watched shows with english subtitles. and now i forget subtitles exist and only watch things in english. the only time i’ll turn on (english) subtitles is if there are people whose accents i find more difficult to understand.

i think consuming media in english in these stages (which took years! slow process! happened alongside of high school english classes!) is what helped me learn english the most, next to formal training. that’s really how my vocab improved and how it keeps improving, i guess. tho the amount of times i encounter a word i dont know the meaning of has significantly lessened

(also what helped is living in sweden and in the uk for a few months. no choice but communicating in english. and like i said, most of degree was in english so i had to read and write in english like every day. in conclusion: being surrounded with english on a daily basis is why im at this level, not just from watching hannah montana)

When outlining a fic, which language are you thinking in?

ok so i dont really outline fics ??? it’s more like. a few bullet points of vague ideas (in english) and then i start. but if i were to finally get my shit together and actually properly outline, id do so in english

When planning a fic, which language are you thinking in?

yeah also in english

Is the first draft in your native language, or is it in English?

also english. it wouldnt even occur to me to draft or outline in dutch. i might if the show itself was in dutch but since it’s in english....ok wait no i wouldnt, im far too lazy to translate a whole draft and i commend people that do!

What do you [think] of your English?

ummmmm well. i think i could improve on the speaking front and that my pronunciation leaves a lot to be desired. and i think i could stand to be a little less arrogant sometimes bc i tend to think i know meanings of words but sometimes i dont know the exact nuance of a word or all of its meanings. so if i were a little less cocky about the whole ordeal id probably improve more. annnnd bc these days i learn most new words on online, i should be more proactive about figuring out where terms originate from and pay attention to whether a word or a phrase is okay for me to use or not (like not appropriating AAVE).

other than that i think my english is fine. and i think that me thinking in english more often than in dutch means im what dutch people talk about when they say dutch is dying out lmaoooo you’re WELCOME

im tagging................. ok im actually not even sure who in this fandom doesnt have english as a first language? so im just gonna tag fic writers and hope they speak multiple languages. like my wife @mrslackles (i should know this about my wife! sorry!) or @bethsuglywigs ?? @septiembur ??? @riosnecktattoo ???? somebody pls send help. ok you know what im just gonna double tag @bathroombreaks and @missmaxime

also whether i accurately tagged you or not, no pressure. also if you’re reading this and english isnt your first language, TAG YOU’RE IT

[ndragoon]

Hey im not american and i read your addition to a post about poor people cheating the system. Can you explain to me what exactly wellfare fraud is & how something as simple as buying your friend a chocolate can qualify as it ?? What would the repercussions of that be ?

I tried to do a bit of research but english isnt my first language and theres a lot of terminology i dont really understand it

Apparently people have been sending me asks and I get NO notifications for them, unlike messages (which only get notifications once in a blue moon!) so I'm sorry if this was sent a really, really long time ago because there are no datestamps on these things.

But a part of our welfare system is a thing called SNAP, which stands for "Supplemental Nutrition Access Program" but is commonly just known as "food stamps" because they used to come in books that literally had pages of stamps you used to pay for food.

They come with a TON of restrictions. Most of them are obvious stuff like "don't buy guns, explosives, or ammunition" and some lesser stuff like "don't buy cigarettes or alcohol". Though these require alternative methods to actually do since the system refuses any purchases that aren't specifically tagged as SNAP accessible.

However, one of the requirements is that you must only use them for yourself or your dependants. If you use SNAP to purchase anything for anyone else, it is considered welfare fraud because it is not an allowed use of your card.

This means that whether you buy someone else an entire three course holiday meal or a single candy bar, it is considered fraud.

Next to nobody actually cares about this and as long as you aren't being a jerk about it, not a single person will report you for it. Not to mention that for the most part, the welfare offices have better things to worry about and it accounts for something like either 0.5% or 0.05% of the total of everyone who depends on the system to eat (people like myself).

HOWEVER, we have an entire political party who believes that this whopping 0.5% is worth depriving the other 99.5% of their access to food at all just for the sake of stopping the ones who commit "fraud".

The thing to keep in mind is that "fraud" is necessary sometimes. The alternative methods I mentioned above? It's a tit-for-tat deal. You give me money/buy me a product I need, and I'll pay for so much of your food in exchange so you aren't actually losing anything (and may be gaining in some instances if they pay for more food then would be equal). This isn't really ever for illegal stuff like guns, bullets, or cigarettes. It's more for medicine, menstrual supplies, or hygiene supplies like shampoo or soap. This is why "welfare fraud" isn't actually treated like a real issue by most of us, because people need these things. They are not optional luxuries that people can just pass on.

But, as for repercussions, there really isn't unless you are doing any of the really bad stuff. And even at that, they usually just ban you from using welfare entirely. Unless the violation was severe enough, then you'd likely be taken to court and sentenced like you would any other federal crime.

[choiriinsani]

Über Deutsch

well, i have finished my deutsch learning in duolingo. wkwkwk, such an experience. to learn without teacher is not really my style, because i ask a lot and confuse (more than) a lot. how hard is deutsch? to be honest, harder than english, but much less than japan. and other language with (other than) latin alphabet, i guess. the grammar is quite different than english. but compared to other language in europe, i guess deutsch has the same level of them. with different point of difficulties. 

i started my deutsch learning because my friend encourage me to use duolingo. why deustch, simply because i had my class in deutsch as my additional class in high school. i thought it could be a basic lesson for me to continue learning it in duolingo. well, what we know is a drop, what we dont know is an ocean WKWKWKWK. believe me, the thing you had learned in high school was totally nothing and didnt help at all wkwk. in the end, i felt like being trapped because i cant just escape from learning it. i need to finish it once i started. so to be prices, how hard is it to learn german? here are the list

1. gender

this is the first world problem of learning german, and other european language ( i guess). most of european language has gender for its nouns. every. single. noun. without exception. english also used to have gender as well. but eventually, the rule vanished. why. idk. just google it. moreover, the gender are 3. maskulin, neutral, and feminin. how do you do the gender of the noun?

in english, we say the bird, the book, and the guitar. in deutsch, we say der Vogel, das Buch, and die Gitarre. all ‘der, das, die’ means the. Der is for maskulin noun, Das is for neutral noun, and Die is for feminine noun. how do you know a noun is maskulin, neutral, or feminin? well, you cant make assumption like “oh, the dog sounds more manly and cat is more like a girl. i bet the dog is maskulin and the cat is feminine”. in this case, you are right. der Hund (the dog) is maskulin and die Katze (the cat) is feminin. but, das Madchen (the girl) -- that is supposed to be total feminin -- is neutral. many of the noun is just random. you really need to live with it to know which gender are they. fortunately, deutsch also has rule for some of them. you can recognize the gender by its ending. like, the -ung and -schaft ending are feminin, no doubt. the -chen ending ist neutral, must be. the -ist and -ling ending must be maskulin. and of course there are still many other ending, i just cant tell you all of them. 

ah. and all the plural stuff is simply ‘die’. no matter of the gender in singlular, they become ‘die’ if you make plural

this, gender, is the root of (almost) all of the problem of deutsch problem. let’s have another one

2. case

this one another tricky stuff. in english, we only have subject and object. ‘I’ and ‘she’ for subject, so ‘me’ and ‘her’ for object. that is all. for the first learner from indo, it must be hard to adjust. because either for subject or object, we always use the same one. in deutsch, there 4 cases. nominativ, akkusativ, dativ, genitiv. basically, nominativ is the subject, akkusativ and dativ are object, and genitiv is well, idk how to say it. for example, ‘ich’ is for nominativ, ‘mich’ is for akkusativ and ‘mir’ is for dativ. that all means ‘aku’. or ‘du’, ‘dich’, and ‘dir’ that all means you. what is worse is, the ‘der, das, die’ stuff also change based on the case. ‘der’ become ‘den’ if it is on akkusativ and become ‘dem’ in dativ case. ‘die’ keep being ‘die’ in akkusativ but become ‘dem’ in dativ case. 

wait. genitiv. what is it? it is like “employee of the month”. ‘the month’ is genitiv. i dont know how to explain it. but, yea, that is the example. you get it, huh

because of this case, there 6 translations for ‘the’ in deutsch. they are der, das, die, dem, den, des. “ha? den and des? you dont mention it!”

believe me, you dont want to.

3. adjective

at first, i thought it will be safe to speak without ‘the’ in german because it wont problem you then. if you want to say “i need a strong coffee”, you dont need to think about ‘is cup a feminin, neutral, or maskulin’. let’s just remove ‘the’ from the sentence and i will be fine. but, deutsch wont let you escape from confusion

the adjective that follow the noun changes based on the (once again) the gender and the case of the noun. ‘a strong coffee’. 

what gender is ‘coffee’? it is maskulin

in what case is ‘coffee’. it is akkusativ

but, wait. what is ‘coffee’ and ‘strong’ in german? well, it is ‘Kaffee’ and ‘scharf’. 

so how do you say “i need a strong coffee”? it is “ich brauche einen scharfen Kaffee”

fyi. even before you think about the adjective, the article (in this story, it is ‘einen’) also affect how the adjective works. because ‘Kaffee’ is maskulin, it uses ‘einen’. if it is feminin, it will be ‘eine’, and ‘ein’ if it is neutral. it also work for 'my’ (and other possessive pronoun) and words like ‘every’, ‘each’ (what is the name for it? idk). well, it should be number 4. but, tbh i dont know how to say them in title wkwk. sorry

4. plural

just put ‘s’ or ‘es’ in the end of word to make plural. it is in english. in deutsch, you have more option, like ‘e’ or ‘n’ or ‘en’ or ‘er’ or ‘r’ or (of course) ‘s’. or, umlaut. the double dot on the top of the word. yes, it is called umlaut. are there rule? i guess there are some.  but i cant take it wkwk. 

5. verb

well, it is less hard than the 4 first. it also appears in english, like “i work” but become “she works”. you just need to put ‘s’ in verb for ‘he, she, it’ subject. or put ‘d’ in deutsch. there are at least 4 ways, put ‘e’ or ‘st’ or ‘t’ or ‘en’. here are the examples

“ich arbeite”, “du arbeitest”, “er/sie/es arbeitet”, “sie/wir arbeiten”. they mean “i, you, he/she/it, they/we work”. wait. there are 2 ‘sie’? well, actually 3. let’s move on to the next one.

sik, sik, lupa yang bagian ini. the perks one is, it also apply for modal verb (in english, you apply can, will, must to all pronoun), past verb (in english, you apply the same for all pronoun), and have/had (the have/had that works for perfect tense). can, will, must, past verb, have/had have their own forms depend on the subjects. in this case, it is even more confusing because they tend to be irregular. 

the next will be facts of deutsch. they not the hard parts of deutsch. enjoy!

6. pronoun

there are at least 9 pronouns you can use. ich for I, du for you, er for he, sie for she, es for it, sie for they, wir for we, ihr for you (plural), and Sie for you (formal). maybe you can translate ihr as ‘kalian’ and ‘Sie’ as ‘anda’. remember, ‘Sie’ with capital S. and yeah, totally 3 ‘sie’. how do you differentiate? sie that means ‘she’ have ‘t’ ending for its verb, and ‘sie’ that means they have ‘en’ ending for its verb. the to be is in the following

ich bin, du bist, er/sie/es ist, ihr seid, wir/sie/Sie sind. well, it is 5 in total. quite different from english that is only have am, is, and are

7. alphabet

they have total 31 alphabet, 27 common alphabet plus 4 that are quite common. the 3 are, a, u, and o with umlaut. remember umlaut? the double dot on top of the alphabet. it doesnt apply for alphabet, fortunately. only for a, o, u. so it becomes ä, ü, ö. it can be typed as ‘ae’, ‘ue’, ‘oe’. do you know the soccer player named ‘özil’? sometimes his name is type ‘Oezil’ on the back of his jersey. i guess the font is not supporting the umlaut.  

and another one is the ß (it is called eszett or scharfes S (means strong S)) that surprisingly pronounce ‘s’, and can be typed as ‘ss’. like in��‘groß’ that can be typed as ‘gross’ (means big, great, tall, but not dirty)

8. noun

the noun of deutsch is started with capital. always, no matter where it is. do you realize that i do it before? haha. just to tell you it is a noun. maybe its help you translate the deutsch. maybe

9. pronounciation

how does the ‘R’ is pronounced in deutsch? it is like you gurgle the water in the back of your tongue. but as you cant always have water in your mouth, you can use your spit wkwkwk. quite tricky when K or G meet R. because both alphabet is produced in the back of the tongue. but the sound of ‘R’ in the end of syllable vanishes. pronounce it as if no R there wkwk, poor R. 

‘why do i even exist then’ ask R in the end of syllable

other than that, surprisingly, it is easier than english. of course, in my point of view haha. i mean, deustch is consistent with what they have. the AIUEO and  ä, ü, ö sound like how they supposed to. the consonant works the same. the exception is just a few. (um, well, at least that is how i hear them wkwk). different from english, and totally different from french. wk

other than that, you will hear a lot of ‘kh’ and ‘sy’ sounds. the ending -en isnt pronounced clear. it is like you gulp it. it is like you gulp the -en. like how the british guy pronounce ‘button’. the ‘W’ is pronounced like ‘V’ in english. the ‘Z’ sounds like ‘ts’. the ‘S’ is like ‘Z’, but ‘S’ that follow other consonant sounds like ‘sy’. ‘EI’ is pronounced ‘AI’.

how are the umlauts pronounced? i cant really tell. the ü, ö is like the basic U and O, but not so round. im sure you dont get it wkwkwk. my pronounciation is not that good as well. just make it like you do more effort to pronounce it, and you will be marked as right

10. spelling

to be honest, it is quite tough. in one syllable, you can find 4 consonants (at least that is the worst that i have found). most of them are started with ‘sch-’. but, you will also find many ‘sch’ or ‘ch’ spelling anywhere. the common ones that i find are ‘schw-’ like in schwein (swine), schwer (hard), schwanger (pregnant), schwester (sister), schwarz (black)

11. tense

there only 6 tenses. past, present, future. double it with perfect tense in each of them. funnily, you use ‘(present) perfekt’ to express the action in the past (instead of the simple past tense. different from english, isnt it?). because the simple past tense and past perfect tense tend to be used for storytelling, to make it more fancy i guess. use them in casual conversation makes you being seen as someone pretentious wkwkwk. so, present, future, and (present) perfect are enough for common people

12. how do you say it?

here are some (i hope to be useful) phrases to know about

guten tag (hello), guten morgen (good morning), guten abend (good evening), gute nacht (good night)

enstchuldigung (excuse me)

danke (thank you)

es tut mir leid (sorry)

ich liebe dich (i love you)

Tschüss (bye), bis morgen (see you tomorrow)

there are some other to be honest, but let’s just wrap it here. i believe every language has its own difficulties and simplicities. as the beginner, i admit that i was shocked that deustch was this hard. i thought i will be on the same level as english. and since i’m not surrounded by german word, phrase, or culture it will be harder to learn it in a longer way. it applies the same for other language that bahasa indo didnt derive from. where the sosmed, movie, and music are performed mostly in english, it will be a challenge to learn other language

as the conclusion, “think before you speak” phrase is clearly applied here. and, know you now why it is called “grammar nazi” instead of just “grammar police”. yg terakhir becanda, sotoy aja aku mah

dann, Bis zum nächsten Mal

[baekhyuniebacon-blog]

Prisoner - part 1

Baekhyun x reader

next>

summary: Y/N works in a prison where Baekhyun comes to sit his 6 year imprisonment. He catches Y/N’s attention right away and it’s hard for her to keep herself away from him. Weird events make her avoid him but Baekhyun needs her help. He's the main suspect to a murder but swears he didn't do it. Will Y/N trust him and let her feelings take over?

warnings: violence, mentions of death and blood, cursing 

words: 1,5k 

Masterlist

You were scrubbing the floor of the old part of the prison. There were no prisoners yet, so it was easy to clean it. No staring, yelling or lame pick-up lines. The cells were nasty and had no privacy.; three walls made of concrete and one was just metal bars, so you could see everything they did in them. Two beds and a table were all the prisoners had and nothing else. Maybe two of their personal things that they were allowed to have. It looked hideous and gloomy, no one wanted to be here, and it was understandable. Some prisoners had fights and that’s why there was usually blood on the floors and walls. Of course, you were the one who had to clean them.

This was your second year working in the same place, so it was nothing new to even find people’s ears from the floors. It sounds bad, but this was a cruel prison the black hole were all the despicable criminals were brought. Everything was crazy, and no one was safe from the guards and especially from the prison warden. He controlled the prison with fear and most people feared him. Not everyone though, there were always those contrarians who didn’t believe a work he said.

You were the only woman and the only cleaner and no wonder why. You see, it was lucky for you to be even alive and well. There were many rumors that the previous workers had left after going crazy and some had died here.

“Hey sweetie” a voice said behind you. You got startled as you were so deep in your thoughts. You didn’t turn around, hoping he wouldn’t call you anymore. It was forbidden to talk to the prisoners. The curiosity almost took you over and you wanted to look who it was. You hadn’t noticed him earlier, therefore he must have been brought today. “Don’t you hear me?” he asked raising his voice and tried to get your attention. He called you many times which made you clean the floor faster.

You didn’t want to talk to any of the prisoners today. Sometimes you broke the rule and chatted with the nicest ones, if you were bored. You got in trouble from that but now you wanted to go home in time and it required you to not get in any kind of trouble.

While getting up from the floor you took the sponge and the bucket into your hands and started to walk away without glancing back at the man. “Hey, stop! I just want to talk” He shouted after you and hit the bars which made you wince at the loud noise. He didn’t sound angry rather desperate and you badly wanted to turn back. Luckily one of the guards turned to the hall. He had bed sheets and was taking them to the man. In your head you thanked him for that as the man went silent after noticing the guard.

Later that day your boss, the prison warden, called you to his office. It made you tense right away. He was everything else but nice and caring. If he wasn’t working in prison, you would think he’s a criminal himself. “You called me, sir” you said as you arrived at his office. After closing the door behind, you took a seat opposite to where he was sitting. The smell of coffee and the warm air went through you. I was nice to finally smell something else than just the men’s sweat and sewer that had been clogged for a month now.

“You might have noticed that we just got a new prisoner” He said while rubbing his beard and staring out of the window on your right. “He’s unpredictable and I don’t want him to escape. I suggest you keep yourself away from him. You’ve caused so much trouble and if he escapes, you are in charge of that. You do know what that means, don’t you?” he said turning to you. You nodded slowly “I get a death sentence”

“Exactly. You can leave now” He sighed and started to read his newspaper. You didn’t even get to the door when he stopped you. “Y/N”.“Yes?” You asked, carefully turning around to face him. He had a smirk on his face. “I know you should get out now, but your help is needed at the kitchen. It’s a soup day tomorrow and you need to chop the vegetables”. 

Well there went your free night. He always made you over work and there was nothing you could do about it. You just wanted to wipe that faux-smile off his face. He buried his face to the newspaper and you left the room. You groaned while tying back the apron you had just taken off in thought you were going home.

It was already night when you got the vegetables cut into pieces and you were able to go home. You changed your grey t-shirt, jeans and the white apron to a hoodie and leggings. The cells had no lights in them anymore, but you could see light peeking out from the old part and before you knew it your legs were going towards it. You tried to walk as quietly as you could. They wouldn’t wake up even if you marched down the hall with high heels, but you just wanted to be careful.

After checking that no one was near, you turned from the corner to the other hall. With light steps you got closer to the cell where the new prisoner would be. It felt terrifying to be there with the eerie silence. You were too curious to go back as everyone kept talking about the new guy.

You leaned against the wall that divided two cells. The man’s cell was on your right. Turning your head and getting closer to the cell you could see him. He sat on the edge of his bed while reading a book. His hair was pitch black and his orange prison clothes almost suited him too well. His expression was soft yet so cold. You looked at his lips and they looked sweet and- Wait why am I looking at his lips? You asked from yourself. You lifted your gaze back to his eyes just to find him staring back at you. Rapidly you pushed your back against the wall and cursed under your breath. You froze and felt embarrassed.

“No need to hide anymore. I already saw you” he sighed but sounded amused. You should have just walked out in the first place. As much as you wanted to run away and punch yourself you decided to turn to him. “You’re pretty good at pretending like I’m not here” he said and put down his book to look at you in the eyes. It made your heart beat faster in your chest and you could feel yourself blushing. The fact that he had gotten you red-handed staring at him, his lips particularly. “I’m used to it” You finally said and cleaned your throat. “Why wouldn’t you talk with me earlier?” he asked. “I’m not allowed to”.

“You’re talking to me now though” he said tilting his head to the side with a playful smirk lingering on his lips. “I don’t always obey the rules” You answered and crossed your arms. “Oh, but that’s not very good, isn’t it?”. He leaned his back to the wall behind him and kept looking at you.

You rolled your eyes and wanted to say something back until your eyes met the clock. It was already 1 am and your bus would leave in 5 minutes. “Shit” you cursed. “I have to go, see you tomorrow” you said out of habit without much thinking. “Sure sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere”. You saw his grin go wider and as much as you wanted to correct yourself you had to run to the bus. No way you were walking home.

Once you were back home instead of going to sleep you opened your laptop and tried to find the newest crime news. His face popped to your screen after scrolling through pages for a while. You clicked the link which revealed a clip of the news. “Today the assassin, also known as Baekhyun, that police have been tracking for months has finally been put in prison to fulfill his sentence of six years. As there are no eye witnesses nor enough proof of the people that he might have killed, his imprisonment isn’t that long- “. You cut off the video and shut your laptop. This was something you didn’t imagine him to be.

He killed people. He killed them for money. No matter who it was he would kill them. That thought made you shiver. You curled up in your bed, pulling the blanket on your chin. While staring at the wall, thousand thoughts went through your mind. What if that’s why he wants to talk with you. Are you his next victim?

Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think about the part 1 of my prisoner Baekhyun series :) My first language isn’t English so I’m sorry if there are any mistakes.

[gabriel-grumbletoon]

quick vent because all of this is eating me alive dont feel obliged to read any of this

wow! i hate myself and im honestly a fool to keep trying to rely on other people to comfort me when i know it only does so much and that they can process only so much..... i want to be with someone who loves me as much as i love them but im so fucking paranoid i second guess every word and gesture so im not sure if i can even accept that reality in the first place...and yknow as usual i feel so fucking alone and im really afraid im going to go throughout life and hit maybe thirty, even my mid twenties sound bout right and decide I had enough of living for myself and end it.... because i honestly can’t imagine a future and for me its dumb for me to expect anything good to ever happen?? because in the end people will just get sick of me and im always too much....... on the note of the self hatred thing i am an absolute mess and i hate my speech more and more as each day passes. i had someone ask me if i learned to speak really late, and yknow yeah thats the reality i have a speech impediment ive spent over 10 years in speech therapy but even that can do so much... im not sure what their intention was with that information but as usual yknow??? it makes me feel shitty?? im aware people can BARELY understand me at all because i cant speak right. i know i sometimes speak not in full sentences because my mind just cant fucking process how to say what i want to say... its not on purpose i just literally feel like im talking around a fucking ball in my mouth all the time because thats what i feel like i sound like and its embarrassing. i know when and if i ever try to get a job nobody will take me seriously because of it. who wants to hire someone whose first language is english and cant even speak it properly? on another note im tired of looking like im 13 and even though ive been actively making an effort to work out and change my diet the change to my body shape/etc just isnt happening fast enough and its upsetting to me;;;; yet another reason ive been turned down to jobs is because i dont look my age and i want to die

[crazykendal]

Bored, Single, and Dead

1. What was on your mind mostly today? MOVING ON from some people and why my right arm feels fucking wierd

2. If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? oh shit idkk

3. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? im going to Tahoe

4. Are you nice to everyone? no

5. Is it possible to be single and happy? for me, no

6. Is it easy for people to make you cry? no but once someone made me cry when I heard them SING for the first time YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

7. Did you sleep alone last night? I had a sleepover with my sister

8. Do you play with dead bugs? ew no wtf

9. Honestly, are you dating two people? im not even dating one person wth

10. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? yeah, im going to be dead ass lonely or dead

11. Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family?   nooo

12. Do you want to see somebody right now? yeaahhhh

13. What if you had a baby with the person you like? that's not physically possibly

14. Are you happy? not right now nope

15. Have you ever tripped in public? trippin is my game

16. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? I sometimes think everone secretly hates me

17. Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? nope

18. Are you stubborn? veRY

19. Do you tend to hold a grudge? yeah, and it can get baddd

20. What’s a fact about the last person that texted you?   oh, well.. they're a scammer

21. Has anyone called you perfect before? nope

22. Where is the biggest scar on your body? my left ankle. I shaved a huge chunk of my skin off and it was baddddd haha

23. Have you ever been told you were amazing? no

24. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?

immediate no

25. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? well guess what YES and its killlling me

26. Do you trust all your friends? no I cant trust any of them 27. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? haha well yeah

28. What pissed you off today? my sister scratches up my arms and it looks like ive tried to cut myself or something

29. What was the last thing you cried about? this one person

30. Who was the last girl you talked to? ^^ same person as ^^

31. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? no

32. Who sits next to you in English? SCHOOLS OUT BITCHES

33. Ever talked to someone who was drunk? no

34. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes everything is about them and its driving me crazy

35. How late did you stay up last night and why? I stayed up til 12:30 reenacting Stranger Things scenes with gummy bears with my sister.

36. Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence?   kinda? 37. Are your parents very protective of you? yeah

38. Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? I fukin wish

39. How many drugs are in your system?   can a Capri Sun count

40. The person who hurt you the most calls and needs you, do you go? bitch no

41. Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? yeah, I do it every day

42. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? uh that was my dad, so sure

43. Do you think you are a good person? oh god no, if hell existed i’d be going there

44. What do you want right this second? I WANT A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE

45. Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries? no

46. Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? yeah

47. Could you last in a relationship for over a year?   yes

48. Who were you with on your birthday? i don't really remember or care 49. Have you ever crawled through a window? I feel like I have but don't remember

50. First person to talk to you in 2014? how the fuck am I supposed to remember that, it was 3 years ago

51. Do you miss your past? Not really but I dont regret meeting some sweet ass people

52. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? a telemarketer, I have like no friends so no one ever checks up on me, by the time someone does I might be dead.

53. Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? VIDCON I get to meet Sara Rubin, Ashly Perez, Allison Raskin, Gaby Dunn, Stephanie Frosch, and Bria and Crissy and maybe Simply Nailogical haha

54. Who was the last person to text you?

scammmmmmmmer

55. What were you doing 4 hours ago? i dont remember

56. Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? Secrets by The Weeknd

57. Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. well well well I cant say

58. What is something that people often give to you as a gift? honestly nothing

59. Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? yeah then a month later I can get rid of it

60. What is something that reminds you of your ex?

well guess what i havent even dated at all so nop

61. Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? my cat Bub has not cried in my arms

62. Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? chocolate

63. When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? I took a shower like 2 hours ago, yeah I was my hair every time.

64. Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? yep

65. Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? yeahh

66. Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? staying in listening to Alone by halsey because it’s relatable.

67. How many times have you been in love? ONCE and maybe I still am but I need to fix it BECAUSE SOMEONE ISNT GOING TO MY HIGH SCHOOL NEXT YEAR and im going to be so fcked and messed up so pray for me

68. If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? ususally myself of this one friend I have she’s cool and she bacically proved I was bi. No it’s not you olivia sorry dude

69. Apparently, it’s very common to crave chocolate around the ‘time of the month’; do you ever get that craving? no

70. How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? I’d give them a chance but idk Ive nvr fcking dated at all so whaat

71. Did you sleep well last night? sure

72. Is your bedroom big enough for you? sure

72. Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? imexited to see Sara Rubin on Friday because she actually screwed up my love life and I dont even want to get started with that because it’s actually funny but will make me cry.

73. Ever had a one-night stand? nope

74. Is anyone flirting with you? I wish

75. Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? all the time, like when the teacher tells us to do homework like wth hahahahahahaahaha idk

76. Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? no im really stupid and can have absolutely no common sense its actually really funny

77. Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? Ashley Nicolette Frangipane

78. Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? oh my god yeah like the chick who plays Enid in the walking dead, and like my whole school.

79. When did you last talk to the person you love/like? What did you talk about? pff what lemme look... a hour and a half ago ahahahahahah

80. Have you ever seen your father cry? no

81. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? well i dont know because I dont really want kids

82. Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? sure

83. If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? Bub is a mean cat to my other cats and I wouldnt believe it

84. What was the highlight of your summer? cant rememeber

85. The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? idk

86. Have you ever seen the film ‘Wake Wood’? What did you think of it? never heard of it

87. Are you confused about anything atm? Is there anything bothering you? Or, is everything good? some people and their lies

88. If you say ‘I’ve had enough’ or ‘I’m done’, do you always mean it? no haha

89. Who was the last person that invited you to their house? honeslty scammer because I have no other friends

90. Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? ASHLEY

91. Are you friends with any of your exes? n/a

92. Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call?

no

93. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? *cries*

94. What language do you like the sound of? english ;)

95. Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? ew no wtf

96. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? idk

97. What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? HA I’d rather not write an essay right now

98. Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? .kindaaa?

99. Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. just convos

100. What are you doing tomorrow? Im going to tahoe