#energetic live shows are our thing and we will not disappoint you

[aflawedfashion]

No Doubt - Coachella 2024

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

It hurts to feel, to think, to know I may be nothing

(a kind of fix-it for 8x06)

The knocking on his door is insistent, almost angry. 

Tommy looks at the alarm clock next to his bed. The glowing digits, the only and quite pale light in the room, show 2:45 am. Who would knock on his door at this hour? There's this little tiny heart stumble that gives him a name in response, which he immediately suppresses. Tommy, who is lying on his bed fully dressed and can't sleep anyway, just hopes it's not him. Not … Buck. He couldn't bear that, not now. No pleading from those Bambi eyes, no broken voice with a stutter worse than ever. He wouldn't be able to look at the man and think of him as detached as he had called him when he left, he wouldn't be able to see anything other than Evan, and that would be wrong. Tommy weighed this thought back and forth in his head, trying to make it somehow more correct. 

The knocking is still energetic, it just won't stop. Tommy sighs. He considers just lying there, playing dead and staring at the ceiling until whoever is at the door leaves. But if it's Evan, if it really is him, then he can be trusted to knock all night. Or to try to break down the door. Although... No, he wouldn't do that. Unless he was drunk. Tommy remembers the story of when the Bachelor party got out of hand and a door was kicked in. His thoughts go round in circles, and he sighs again. It sounds theatrical in his empty bedroom, but that's the way it is. He slowly gets up, swings his legs out of bed and shuffles to the door. 

This little stab in his heart, which is not relief but disappointment, is pathetic. It’s not Evan, of course not.

It’s Eddie.

Definitely, the first thing Evan would do is go to Eddie. Then, probably in the early morning, to Bobby. Or to his sister. Heck, he’ll see all his friends because he can; and that thought somehow hurts even more. Tommy isn't afraid that Evan will make him look like a bad guy. He has every right to grieve and seek comfort. It's just that he can. From whom does Tommy find comfort?

In any case, Eddie, who looks a little disheveled and a little drunk with his red cheeks, doesn't exactly appear like someone who wants to console him. 

“Have you checked the time?” Tommy asks gruffly. 

“I did, but have you checked your brain?��

Eddie taps him on the forehead with two fingers, then pushes past him without being asked, casually dropping onto the couch in the living room. 

“This isn't the best time, Eddie,” Tommy says wearily. Yes, he is tired, even if he can't sleep. 

“Might be. But that's what this is all about, isn't it?”

That hurts, and Tommy feels anger building behind his forehead, which will be a decent headache in a few hours. Unshed tears, that's how Abby used to call it. Abby, with whom everything began and somehow everything ended. All the shame and anger about himself make Tommy's muscles tense. 

“Don't think you’d understand.”

Tommy stands there with his arms crossed, defensive, as he has been all his life, but Eddie is not impressed. Of course not, why would he. Eddie has told him stories of Afghanistan and the dirt he's been through. One man’s defensive attitude hardly impresses him. 

“Why not?”

“Because you've never been in that situation, quite simply.”

“Oh, so you want to use my non-existent queer experience against me, do you? Shallow.”

Tommy lets out a long breath and growls, “What exactly do you want, Eddie?”

“I want to know why.”

A simple sentence, a simple statement, but Tommy feels like he's been deflated. He searches for words, but they are hard to find.

“Listen,” he finally says, ”I know you're here as E… as Buck’s friend. That’s sweet, but…”

“That's true,” Eddie replies surprisingly soberly, ”but I'm also here as your friend. Sometimes we need our people to tell us we're being silly.”

Of course, he speaks from experience. That's kind of the point, and now it's bursting out of Tommy. 

“I managed well on my own for years,” he says, the words tumbling out of his mouth. “I've been through it all, the self-denial, the shame, the half-hearted relationships. Evan will never have to experience that, and I'm grateful for that. But still... this guy just stumbled into my life, no, rather rolled through it like a steamroller.”

"He broke your barriers," Eddie interrupts him. 

Tommy gives him a look. Eddie actually understands. Why is he so surprised? Tommy doesn't give away his friendship lightly, and Eddie is more profound than he pretends to be. Or even than his friends sometimes think. Which, by the way, is also true of Evan, which is where he starts chasing his own tail, right?

“He did. And he comes with a lot of luggage.”

“Oh yes,” Eddie laughs. Then, he narrows his eyes, watching Tommy intently. “Wait, you don’t  mean his past and all?”

Tommy drops into the armchair opposite the sofa and shakes his head. 

“We... actually didn't really talk much about the past. It was more like...”

“The heat of the moment?”

Tommy doesn’t have to ponder about that, because it’s true. Every new relationship is like this, everything is exciting and full of icing. You don't use the time you have with questions. They didn't have much time, that's the curse of shift work and a life as a first responder. 

“Suddenly, half a year has passed,” he says with wonder. “And then he says he wants to move in with me.”

“Were you afraid of the next step?”

The way Eddie phrases this question tells him that Evan hasn't fully understood what happened. He's sorry for that, but he's sorry for so much, it's just more grief on top of a big pile of sorrow. 

“I'm just afraid of losing my heart,” Tommy returns, and strangely enough, Eddie laughs again.

“Do you think that's funny?”

Eddie raises his hands defensively, “What I actually find funny is that you lost your heart a long time ago, Tommy. You left the man standing outside the restaurant and gave him a second chance anyway. You’re the first contact in his phone. You're the one with the ice packs, the one who buried his stupid curse with him.”

“You would have done all that too.”

“Sure, except for the part about the funeral maybe, but only because Buck and I are on terms where you can tell your friend that he's being stupid. You, on the other hand... you have heart eyes when you see him. You stroke his hand in passing, you hold back on the kisses when anybody is around only to protect him.”

“You noticed that?”

“I noticed a few things,” says Eddie. “Especially that Buck feels the same way about you. There comes a point in every relationship when you take off your rose-tinted glasses. The only mistake you've made is convincing yourself that this will end anyway.”

“But it will,” Tommy replies dispassionately. 

“Because you're his first? That's stupid, Tommy.”

“What would you know about it?” Tommy replies heatedly.

Eddie tilts his head, “Didn't you listen when I told you about Shannon? I married my first love. I know what you're thinking, of course, it didn't end well, yada yada. But it wasn't because we didn't love each other, Tommy. We were very young and very stupid, and it hurts me to see two grown men like you, who also love each other very much, behaving so stupidly.”

Tommy sinks down in his chair.

“He acts impulsively,” he interjects. “He doesn't know what he's getting himself into, and in the end, when he understands that he needs more, he'll leave. And that will hurt a lot more.”

“Maybe,” Eddie says and stands up. As unasked as he came in, he steps up to Tommy's fridge and rummages through it for a can of beer. Then he points it at Tommy and says, “But not having loved will hurt more. Being too much of a coward hurts.”

“I'm not a coward.”

“Yes, you are, because you're running away from your own feelings. And not even giving Buck the chance to prove to you that he's worth brightening up your lonely life.”

“Now you sound like a guy in a soap opera,” Tommy says sourly.

“Nah, I sound like someone who has screwed up so much in his life that he should be the last person to give advice to others. But this is Buck we're talking about, and he's just a whining misery sleeping on my couch. And it’s about you, a friend I’m fond of.”

He takes a deep sip and grimaces.

“I think you've had enough for today,” says Tommy. 

“Guess you're right.”

Eddie gets up, and to his credit, it has to be noted that he doesn't sway. Or just a little bit. 

“Let me summarize the whole mess like this: you fucked up, Buck doesn't understand why, and honestly I don't quite get it either. But what I do understand is that you should work it out together. Tomorrow morning… no wait, in a couple of hours. Sleep, then come over, and bring breakfast.”

“I don't know if that's such a good idea.”

The worst part is that there is a certain hopefulness in Tommy's voice, it almost cracks. Evan hasn't done anything wrong, and it's probably only right that he at least tells him that. Even if it hurts. Because Eddie is actually right - it will hurt no matter what, and it's better to love than to grieve over a love that could never evolve. 

“But I do.”

There is so much confidence in Eddie's voice. Something has happened to him, and one day Tommy will ask him about it. Now he holds on to his own door and nods weakly.

“Let me sleep on it,” he says. 

Eddie winks at him as he leaves.

[eatmangoesnekkid]

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND NATURAL BEAUTY: A Channeling for the Open-Minded Human Soul When I was younger, I remember people would say to me things like "you ain't upset or pissed that such and such did that?" It didn't matter if it was a family member, friend, or lover, I naturally held unconditional love, not always judging things as "bad" or "wrong," needing people to be different, nor needing to prove I was "right" about a thing (or feel bad when I was wrong). That emotional intelligence doesn't mean that I didn't get upset, because hell yeah I did and do. But the great lesson I am realizing is that I didn't (and still don't) hold grudges or tension around most people. It is very easy for me to feel love for someone. To fall in love. I didn't realize that I had accessed aspects of my divine energy, my heart, the real feminine, therefore I didn't need anything more than what the person was capable of giving nor did I hold onto all the stories. I do have grown-woman-boundaries and my boundaries do not permit me to stay in relationships or connections that aren't mutually nourishing, but it does mean I tend to hold unconditional love *in my body* for the person, and not anger, rage, hate, disappointment, and the like. And it's that same unconditional love I hold for myself, the same unconditional love in which I touch my skin and body with. What I'm realizing through my study of quantum physics is that our self-image is the gatekeeper to our subconscious. Every thought, feeling, and belief, including ancestral, is stored as an energetic imprint that influences the quality of our health, the quality of our mobility, especially as we age, how we touch ourselves, what we see when we look in the mirror, and the quality of our light, natural beauty and worthiness, which are less about aesthetics and more about our energy field. If we look at "hate" for example, hating another is really self-hatred. Because if there is no unprocessed internal hate in the body, there can be no manifestation of hate in one's experiences, you see. So when people hate another, they really hate themselves and another person simply showed up in their experience for them to hate as part of their manifestation. It is a divinely perfect world, even in all the chaos, evil, and delusion. And while hate, pain, and suffering are heartbreaking to witness on a human level, most of it is ancestrally-linked and socially taught. They are karmic cycles carried over from other lifetimes, living in the root chakras of human bodies and informing our habits like how we care for our bodies, how we make love, how we raise our children, and what cycles continue to repeat from there. So the moral of the story: be kind, be loving, but don't take no shit. And let go of all the stories, all the history and past ruminations. And when you are ready or have capacity, fall in love with everything. Or most things. Those who desire to live beyond the trappings of the ego will be willing to let go of ugly habits and become more devoted to the heart which means they naturally begin to live a life of more beauty overtime. -India Ame'ye, Author

Part 2 -Solution and next-step direction:

Submerging your body into an ice bath or cold shower is a type of somatic shadow work that helps to release the trapped, pent up ancestral rage and anger out of your tissues–creating less inflammation, a higher level of thinking and perceiving, better mobility, and a more open heart. Ask me how I know?! –India Ame'ye, Author

[drchenquill]

The Prince and His Brave... Maid?

Trigger Warning: Violence and Blood

Here is the short story @satohqbanana 😊

Once upon a time in a land before our time. No, that’s dinosaurs. Again.

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there was a young prince. He was the only son of the old royal couple. The whole kingdom rejoiced when they heard of the child’s birth. Finally, after years of trying, they finally had an heir.

As you can imagine, the boy grew up spoiled. He was allowed to do everything. He only had to look at his mother with his beautiful green eyes once, and every wish was granted. The only thing he never got was his father’s love. The king was convinced that his son should grow up to be a strong man, and strong men were not hugged. Strong men were not praised, because it was taken for granted that they did the right thing.

The prince therefore grew up very conflicted. Overwhelmed with love and suffocated by coldness. Then, on his eighteenth birthday, the queen became ill. The entire kingdom was devastated when she passed away a few days later.

She fell ill with a very rare disease. It was called, “I bet my left leg she was poisoned by the jealous lady-in-waiting, but no one believes me.” It was a terrible disease, very prevalent among the queens.

Be that as it may, the king mourned for a few days, forgot his son’s existence, and everyone lived in sorrow and misery.

Years passed and the prince grew up to be a handsome man. He had his quirks, such as a fear of showing weakness or terror of his own father, but otherwise he lived well. And he owed that only to his loyal maid. Me.

Humming and with an energetic swing in my walk, I walked down the long hallway of the royal palace. Destination: the prince’s room.

“Good morning, Mona,” called another servant girl as we passed each other at the same brisk pace. “Good morning,” I called back. I continued humming as another lady carrying a bucket and broom came out of one of the rooms. “The prince went to bed late last night, so be careful,” she called after me. I turned around with a grin and said: “Don’t worry about me, he’s more harmless than he looks.” She laughed and then went on with her work.

I stepped in front of the wooden door and took a deep breath. With a hairpin that I carried with me, I tied my brown curls into a bun and stepped inside.

The bedroom was spacious, which in my opinion was unnecessary for just one person. The large four-poster bed took up far too much space. The wardrobe took up an entire wall. What did he have a wardrobe for anyway? His clothes were all on the floor.

Two nightstands for one man? A waste of money and space.

I stepped over to the bed and ripped open the curtains. There he lay. The disappointment of the whole kingdom, or rather, the disappointment of his father.

His silky blanket had been pulled off him in his sleep, exposing his muscular back. The prince liked to sleep naked, so the blanket, which was only millimeters above his hips, was the only protection I had.

His dark skin shone in the shy sunshine. His right arm hung off the bed, near his clothes, which he had simply torn off yesterday. His jet-black hair was braided into many long braids, spread out on the soft pillows.

A few golden rings had been woven into it, a little royal tradition. With each new year of life, a new ring was added. Now there were twenty golden rings, but they were nothing compared to his father’s eighty-nine rings.

Don’t look at me like that, I told you that the royal couple had the prince in their senior years.

Anyway.

I went to the window and pulled open the curtains so that the beautiful sun could shine in.

“Good morning, Your Highness! Time to get up.”

Like every day, my words were followed by royal grunts and groans as the prince’s sleepy eyes finally opened. “Morning already?” he grumbled. “I don’t want to scare you, but… It happens every day. Every day starts with a morning.” I replied with a pointed smile.

His apple green eyes, the only thing he had inherited from the queen, looked into my dark ones.

“I see you still haven’t choked on your tongue.”

I gave a short laugh and turned to the window, opening it to let in some fresh air. The prince had managed to roll over on his back, with a groan, of course.

”Why are you wearing that stupid hairpin?” he suddenly asked.

”Because you gave it to me.”

“When I was drunk,” he grunted as he slowly sat up. I started picking up his clothes from the floor. “Oh yes, I remember.”

I started to pretend to sob as I mimicked the prince. ”Mona, you’re my only friend. You’re so nice to me. You have-” As red as a tomato, he leaped out of bed in an attempt to grab me.

“Shut up!”

Unfortunately, he tripped over the clothes I hadn’t picked up yet and fell to the ground butt naked.

Tears came to my eyes as I couldn’t stop laughing. “The royal moon is shining,” I managed to say through my laughter.

Before you accuse me of bullying the prince, I just wanted to make it clear that we are great friends. We went through thick and thin and would do anything for each other. Since my mother had also worked here as a maid and the queen wanted children of the same age around her son, we practically grew up together. He was the brother I never had, and I was the sister he never wanted.

Finally back on his feet, he swung his braids back and tried to hide the fact that he had gotten out of bed in a very unceremonious manner.

“So, what’s on the schedule today?” he asked, picking out a pair of pants from the pile on the floor. I shrugged. “I don’t know.” I knew exactly.

“Very funny. I know that my father has set up a schedule for me. That old fart does everything to...” My ears switched off, my bored gaze wandered to the window as he continued to rant about the king.

I got big eyes when I saw a young man in the courtyard of the palace who was just bringing a dark horse back to the stables. The boy was two years younger than us and had recently started working in the royal stables. He had tied his almost black strands of hair in a small bun. His equally dark cat-shaped eyes were gentle and tender as always as he looked at the horse. His porcelain-white skin stood out under his dark clothes.

“Florian, Florian, shut up,“ I said hastily to the prince, beckoning him over to me. Annoyed, he stepped to the window. “What is it?” he hissed. I pointed down. “Parsifal, there’s Parsifal.”

”What?!” The prince almost catapulted himself out the window to stare at the courtyard, where the stable boy was just walking around. A dreamy smile played around his lips, while his dark skin blushed slightly. You see, our dear prince preferred playing with swords to playing with shields.

Unfortunately, this was a fact that would further alienate the king from his son. That’s why no one knew about it except me. No one was allowed to know about his affection for the same sex. But this secrecy was not reason enough not to tease him a little.

“Shall we call him a good morning?” I asked. Florian turned to me in horror, as if I had just gone mad. “No! I’m not dressed, my hair still needs to be fixed. I haven’t even washed my fa-.” “Parsifal! Good morning!” I shouted down. The prince slapped me on the shoulder and the stable boy looked up.

“Good morning, Mona.“ His eyes then met the prince’s gaze and I recognized the same sparkle as in Florian’s eyes. “Your Highness. It’s a beautiful morning, isn’t it?” the boy asked enthusiastically. The prince cleared his throat. “Quite pleasant,” he said. I jabbed him in the side with my elbow.

”It became beautiful after I saw you.”

After these cheesy words from his mouth, all three of us stood rooted to the spot. Parsifal blushed, the prince blushed, and I had to stifle a laugh.

“Have a nice day!“ Florian shouted and slammed the window shut. We stood silently in his room. I heard the horse’s hooves, which meant that the stable boy had left, which in turn meant that I could now laugh out loud without any problems.

”‘It became beautiful after I saw you’? That was terrible,” I said, laughing. Florian grumbled and murmured as he got dressed. I’ve known about his affection for the stable boy for quite some time, but our prince is so clumsy when it comes to flirting that I doubt anything will ever happen between the two of them. “Instead of laughing, help me get dressed.” “Coming, your Highness.” Good old Mona had to take the reins.

The prince went about his royal duties, and I went about mine. It was my turn to scrub the floor today, but my duties as a friend called me. Grinning and quick of step, I approached the stables. If Florian couldn’t manage it, then I would inevitably have to do it. I greeted the other stable boys and set out in search of a particular stable boy who held the heart of my prince in his hands. The same stable boy who would probably be found slit open and bleeding to death on the banks of a river if he broke Florian’s heart.

And there he was.

“Parsifal! What a coincidence, running into you here.”

He looked up from the hay he was gathering and looked at me in confusion. “I work here...” With a small smile, I put my arm around his shoulders and pushed him down to my eye level. “Parsifal, Parsifal... just out of curiosity... are your nights cold?” I then raised an eyebrow, hoping he’d get the real question. But his pretty face contorted in confusion. “Not really, the blankets they distribute here are nice and warm.”

Damn. They’re both hopeless. Then I’ll have to work harder.

Still with him under my arm and probably with creeping back pain, I walked a few steps with him. “We are among friends, aren’t we?” I said to him. He nodded thoughtfully. “I think so...” “Good. Friends help each other, don’t they?” He stopped and looked at me with concern. “I have no idea what you’re getting at, Mona, but you’re scaring me.”

I held back from rolling my eyes and explained, “Don’t get all worked up, I’m not up to anything bad.” Now it was him who raised his eyebrow. ”You’re not up to anything bad? You only do bad stuff. You were the one who made Court Lady Marianne leave the court because you took her dog-» I put my hand in front of his mouth.

You don’t need to know that.

«I just wanted to know if you were interested in a blind date.» Parsifal’s lips pressed together as my words slowly sunk into his mind. He didn’t like the idea, which, believe me or don’t, was a good thing. “What’s the matter? Not interested?” I asked. His dark eyes flicked up briefly to the window of Florian’s bedroom.

Oh.

“I don’t know...” Perfect. “Now, now, Parsifal. Think of it as a little distraction. I can feel your heart aching.” He looked thoughtful, which was good, of course. I gave him a gentle shake. “Say yes, Parsifal. You won’t regret it.” He finally nodded, even if it was with a heavy heart.

I slapped him on the chest and stepped back slightly. “Tonight, after dusk, at the “Cat’s Eye”,” I said to him as I started to walk backwards. He nodded with a forced smile. “If you don’t show up, I’ll make sure you end up with Lady Marianne’s dog.” He turned pale and nodded vigorously. Satisfied, I turned away and went about my work.

Don’t look at me like that, I won’t tell you anything. That was between Lady Marianne and me, it’s none of your business.

Humming and singing, I wiped the long hallway that connected the royal family’s rooms. Well, it wasn’t a family anymore, more of a royal duo. Be that as it may, I felt great because I could, maybe, give my only friend a chance at love. He deserved it after all his father had done to him. When I thought about it, wouldn’t it be easier to overthrow the king? I mean, it wouldn’t be my first-

“Mona!”

I looked up and saw a raging prince. In a matter of seconds, I went through my entire day, wondering if I had done something to deserve this royal anger. I couldn’t find anything, so a smile grew on my lips as I held out my hand in greeting.

“Hello, Your High-” The word was replaced by a squeak as Florian grabbed my outstretched hand to pull me along. The broom fell and I stumbled after him like a fawn that had just started walking. He took me to his room, where he loudly closed the door behind us, and then groaned loudly. I opened my mouth, but Florian let out a loud, hateful scream. I froze and pressed my lips together.

“I hate him! That old, wrinkled excuse of a father!” he continued to yell. He grabbed a pillow and screamed into it. This time it was bad, worse than usual. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do except wait for a sign that he wanted me to be involved in this outburst, which, to my surprise, came quickly.

He dropped the pillow and turned to me with large, manic eyes. “I’m going to kill him...” I grimaced and tilted my head slightly back and forth. “Unfortunately, that doesn’t fit into your schedule.”

He ignored my words and started pacing the room. “I’ll sneak into his room tonight and suffocate him.” He looked up and pointed at me. “And you’ll keep watch,” I grimaced but didn’t say anything. “Right! We’ll sneak in and I’ll suffocate him with his own stupid braids. Or I’ll beat him to death with his walking stick.”

He mumbled to himself and paced back and forth. This time he was serious, but unfortunately I had to admit that his plan was terrible. He had to memorize the times of the guards, he had to have a plan B ready, an escape route had to be in place as well. Don’t even get me started on the blood. It’s so hard to get out of clothes.

“Mona?”

“Yes?”

“Am I a bad son?”

I smiled a little as I looked at the desperate expression. “You do realize you’re asking me this after you planned his death, right?” I tried to joke, but he groaned and dropped face first onto the bed.

I stepped up to him, my hand caressing his broad back. “You’re a frustrated and neglected son, which makes you do bad things, but you’re not bad.”

He removed his face from the blanket and looked up at me. “You’re just saying that because you want to kiss my ass.” I had to smirk. Florian’s way of saying thank you had always been something that amused me.

“Of course, why else?” I countered. He laughed and rolled over onto his back. The room fell silent until he finally came out with the problem.

“He wants me to get engaged... to some chick.”

“And you don’t like chicks.”

“Exactly...”

Silence. This room suddenly felt so small. I stared out, up at the bright sun. Florian rolled onto his side, clasped my hip and pressed himself against me. Not a word was spoken as I ran my hand up and down his back. Another problem for me to deal with. But first there was something else I had to take care of.

“Tell me, do you feel like forgetting everything and having some fun tonight?“ I asked him, but only got a grunt in response. “You’ll have a good time, I promise.”

”I don’t care. I just want to stay in my room and wallow in self-pity...” ”I got you a date with Parsifal.”

He sat up abruptly and looked at me with wide-open eyes. He didn’t believe me, I could see that very well from his horrified yet delighted expression. “You-What? Wait... seriously?” Nodding, I stood up and went over to his closet. “I asked him. I didn’t mention who he’ll be going out with, though,” I explained, taking out his best clothes. “He... he has no idea that he’s going to meet me?“ he asked, puzzled.

”Of course he doesn’t. Do you think he would have said yes if he knew he was meeting the prince? You know him as well as I do. The boy has some self-esteem issues.” I turned back to him, smiling, and threw his clothes on the bed.

“But tonight you’ll be able to show him that you’re a great catch.“ Pleased with myself, I put my hands on my hips and expected words of delight, if not applause, but all I got was his smile slowly fading away and being replaced by a sad expression.

”It won’t work... My father.”

Sighing, I stepped in front of him. He was worried about an old bag who, when he was little, liked to hit him with his walking stick because he had missed sword training. He wasted his thoughts on a pathetic old man who would achieve much more under the ground.

“Your father won’t interfere, I promise. I’ll make sure he doesn’t notice.”

Florian’s face showed me that he didn’t believe my words. “He has guards everywhere, and now that he’s desperate to get me engaged, he’ll certainly not let me out of his sight.”

He could be right about that, but I wouldn’t let it happen. I took his face in my hands and said softly, ”I’ll take care of everything. You go on that date and spend time with that boy you’ve been making eyes at since he started here. Got it?”

He swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay... if you say so.”

I kissed his forehead contentedly and said, “Good boy.” Chuckling slightly, he asked me, ”Say, are you mothering me?”

“No, I’m protecting you.”

Evening came and after I had managed to get the prince out of the castle safely so that he could have a nice date, I prepared for my second plan. Humming, I strode through the long, dark hallway. The guards knew me and barely flinched as I brushed past them. I loved it when the castle was shrouded in darkness. Darkness, blackness, silence. That was how I liked it best.

Finally, I saw the door I wanted, but of course there were two guards in front of it. With a slight turn of my head, I realized that there were no others nearby. Smirking, I stepped in front of them. I didn’t have the time or the inclination to memorize what they looked like, because I was pressed for time. I had to get everything done before Florian came back.

“Gentlemen.”

They looked down at me, confused and curious at the same time. They were both taller than me and wrapped in armor. Stupid metallic stuff, I never liked it. It was so loud and clattered with every movement.

“Can we help you?“

One of the knights asked me. His face was almost unrecognizable. The light was dim, as was my interest. But interest was not something that mattered here. My gaze wandered back and forth as I had to make a choice. The knight grew impatient and didn’t take my calmness well.

”Miss, if you have something to...”

A quick twisting hand movement and the loud sound of breaking bones echoed through the dark hallway as the knight crashed to the ground with his head twisted. “I don’t need you,” I said, humming, and turned to the other one, whose mouth hung open. He pulled himself out of his panic when our eyes met. “Don’t move, witch!” he shouted.

I rolled my eyes. Always the same with these humans. With a swift movement, I leaped forward and pushed him against the wall. The clatter of the fallen sword suppressed his pleas as I slowly dozed him off with a gentle hand movement. I then lowered him and looked at my work.

The knight with the broken neck was now useless, so the other had to be taken. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and slipped with ease into the knight’s lifeless body.

When I opened my eyes, I stumbled slightly as I had to get used to the weight of the armor. I shook my body, got to know the muscles by stretching my arms slightly and then smiled contentedly.

I stepped over the body and opened the wooden door.

There he lay, Florian’s personal hell. The king himself. When I saw him sleeping like this, his thick braids circling his wrinkled face, all the memories came back. All the times Florian had cried himself to sleep, all the times he came to me with bleeding calves after a failed sword training session because not even his mother wanted to take care of him.

Getting rid of the mother was a breeze. A little poison, a jealous and impressionable court lady, and the matter was settled.

I was more indulgent with Lady Marianne. I only wanted to warn her after she dared to insult Florian’s skin color. "It would stain the pure green of his eyes" she said. I forced her to eat her dog. Not my best work, as some saw me when I took the dog, but it was worth it. The stupid bitch hardly dared to open her mouth again as she left the court.

Well, I was now standing there planning my revenge when he slowly opened his eyes. Oh, that’s also a way.

I was standing at his feet when he slowly managed to sit up. The moon shone in and illuminated the body of the knight I had borrowed.

“What? How dare you enter your king’s chamber?” he spat at me, irritated. My whole body shuddered just at the thought that I would be allowed to watch as life drained from him once I was done with him.

“Speak,“ he said louder.

Those dark eyes regarded me with suspicion. His thick beard, which adorned his round and wrinkled face, trembled as I drew closer. His fat body could hardly hold him upright as he tried to get out of bed.

”Your Majesty, I have come to deliver an important message.”

He was confused, but I didn’t give him time to think. I swung the sword with all my might. His scream echoed through the entire castle, followed by the impact of his severed arm, which now stained the marble floor with its dirty blood. The king fell to the ground, clutching the stump where his arm had been.

“You used your arm to beat Florian,“ I explained to the sobbing and whimpering wreck. With the strength of my current body, I kicked him in the leg and chuckled at the sound of breaking bones.

”With these legs, you hunted him when you had nothing else to vent your anger.”

He could hardly scream, and I had already turned him on his back. I took the sword, pressed it between his teeth and pushed it down until I could see the tearing of his cheeks.

“And with this mouth, you destroyed his dream of love.”

He gargled as the blood flowed down his throat. The once elegant king now lay beneath me, trying to pull himself away with an arm like the worm he was.

“I’m not done yet, I’ll save the best for last.“ I made myself comfortable on his chest while he whimpered and cried and prayed to some god.

”Stop it, your deity won’t hear you. Your prayers are worth as much as the dirt under my shoes.”

Ah. There it was, that look. The fading hope, the emerging sorrow. I loved it. But as promised, the best was yet to come at the end of the show. My hand stroked over his raging chest. I felt the slow beating of his heart, but unfortunately I wanted it to be pulsating.

I stabbed into it, my hand breaking through skin, muscle and rib. The warm embrace of his flesh made me feel at home. I grabbed the heart and tore it out. The body twitched one last time and then the king was gone. Whatever, everyone has their time and at eighty-nine, he was overdue.

The heart pounded in my hand, which was doused with fresh, warm blood. I stood up and stepped away from the corpse. God, it felt good to do good.

I tilted my head back, opened my mouth wide and swallowed the heart in one bite. I had had better ones, but this was good enough. My eyes closed again and like a breath of wind I slipped out of the knight’s body, which fell to the ground loudly. Now I had to set up the scene.

The knight, tired of suffering under the king’s tyranny, killed his comrade, who would otherwise have gotten in his way, and broke into the ruler’s chamber. There he was seized by so much rage that he fell into a frenzy. Like an animal, he attacked his king and even ate his heart.

Good heavens, what a monster.

I stroked the knight’s mouth with my blood-covered hand to make it more credible. Then I took the sword and cut the knight’s throat.

Horrified by his actions, the poor boy then fell over himself.

What a sad story, I almost cried.

I slipped out, took a few steps away from the body outside the room and cleared my throat slightly. The muscles were slightly relaxed before I pinched my cheeks to make tears roll. Everything was perfect, the only thing missing was a witness. And that’s where I came in.

Take a deep breath.

Then, I started screaming.

The whole kingdom was in turmoil. In one night, two people had passed away. Our king and a poor knight who had only tried to do justice. My poor Florian was devastated. His hatred for his father left him cold about his death, but something in him felt obliged to grieve.

His head on my lap, while my hand gently stroked his shoulder. Not a word had been exchanged since the news had reached him. I could only be a support, a shoulder, an ear.

There was a knock at the door. Florian whispered with a trembling voice: “I don’t want to see anyone.” Slowly I got up to pass on the message. On the other side of the door stood a certain stable boy who shyly asked: “May I...”

I let him in.

He approached Florian, who straightened up to look up at Parsifal. They spoke to each other with their eyes. They understood each other, they felt each other. Without saying a word, Florian wrapped his arms around Parsifal’s hips. He pulled him close and cuddled his face in his stomach.

I stepped out slowly. My heart blossomed with happiness and contentment. My prince had found his love; the kingdom had lost its king, but gained one with a big heart. Florian would become a great ruler and with me and Parsifal at his side, this kingdom would turn a new leaf.

It felt good to do good.

[my-smial]

9 people you'd like to get to know better

tagged: @agapantoblu

Thank you, Agap, for tagging me! I like doing these things and I always need to do more things <3

tagging: @mornyavie, @rauwyn, @gender-trash, @melancholy--lion, @fandomreferencepending, @thewomanwhobloggedlikeaman, @blankerthought, @in-the-mists, @grundyscribbling, @sous-le-saule, @ainawgsd, and anyone else who wants to do it!

three non romantic duos:

Hmm, this one's tough. There's always a lot going on, so I could name sooo many characters. It would be harder to stop naming duos, so I'll choose a few media that have been particularly relevant to my life lately. Just know there are so many more. Every pairing from The Circle of Magic, for a start.

1. Percy de Rolo & Keyleth. I'm writing this while watching the Legend of Vox Machina TV show, so I decided to choose one of them. Ever since the first episode of both the show and the podcast, I enjoyed how these two bring out fun sides of each other. They're close, they love each other, and they relax around each other as they do around very few people. Even with their respective romantic pairings in the show - those are more fraught and intense. Percy and Keyleth always feel like they're having fun when they pair up.

2. Aaron & Andrew Minyard. Man!!! All for the Game has taken up my dash for months now, so I had to choose one pairing. I will choose the twins, because I can. I want them to like each other. I devour any fic I can find about them slowly blossoming their relationship over the post-grad years.

3. Wirt & Greg, from Over the Garden Wall. It's rewatch season! I love these two, and I enjoy the way they are brothers first and always. In particular, my favorite moment is when Greg, who is on the surface level scene more thoughtless and random, actively chooses Wirt over himself. He's offered to escape and chooses uncertainty instead to save Wirt and it's incredible. He is more thoughtful than a surface-level viewing would indicate.

a ship that might surprise others: mmm. Hm. This is hard. I don't really come up with non-canon ships often, and I am generally very normie when I do. I have non-canon hot takes like "Leverage OT3 is awesome" (that's a joke). So I'd say my most "surprising" ship is probably from Fullmetal Alchemist. I am firmly of the opinion that Ed and Winry should break up so she can follow her true love for Paninya, the mechanic girl with two metal legs from the baby episode. THEY ARE MEANT TO BE. Or maybe we can do fun polyamory! Winry has two hands.

last song: Come Out Ye Black and Tans by Colm McGuinness, specifically the rock version. Although I was listening to the regular and rock versions back-to-back on repeat. For Reasons.

last film: KNEECAP. I've listened to the band for a while and LOST IT when I found out they made a biopic and it was playing near me. Somehow I missed all the advertising until I randomly looked at a theater schedule??? Extremely funny being the rap fan in what felt like a room full of people there because of the Sundance win. I was honestly preparing to not like the film because Biopic Drama is not my genre, but oh boy was it not that. It was so fun. I was dancing and singing in my seat.

I loved their laissez-faire approach to whether this is a "true" story and the constant energetic thread their music pulled through the movie. It was a riot. As a bilingual film it felt very natural, clearly informed by people who actually live their lives bilingually - slipping in and out of languages happened logically, and the band walked a fun line between "suck it up and read the subtitles" and "99% of our audience doesn't speak this language or know this particular struggle, let's explain a few things in our own way."

Only thing I didn't like is that it's far more vulgar than I normally enjoy, but you know. I listen to KNEECAP on purpose. I knew what it would be like going in, it would honestly be disappointing if KNEECAP chose to clean themselves up for Hollywood. I actively chose to shut off that part of my brain during viewing, and it was a great time. Just know before choosing to view that the Trainspotting references are earned, and I can give you more detail if you want to go watch.

currently reading: The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. I started it last year but didn't have the spare brainpower for such a complicated story - I got sick of keeping track of the POV swaps. But I did like the worldbuilding, so I eventually picked it back up and it's going much better this time around. For me, this is one of those books that I've been told to read so many times that I knew I would get around to it eventually.

currently watching: Actively on Season 3, Episode 11 of The Legend of Vox Machina TV show. Episode 12 is starting, time to wrap up.

currently consuming: Kimchi hash browns with eggs. Delicious.

currently craving: My fellowship application to get back to me please why does this take you so long.

This was really fun, thank you Agap!

[teachingmycattoread]

Things We've Yelled About This Episode #4.0

The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Robert Louis Stevenson (ed. Roger Luckhurst, Oxford 2008)

You can check out friend of the pod Charlotte's previous episode on Anno Dracula here

Frankenstein, Mary Shelley (our episode here)

"If he is Mr Hyde, I shall be Mr Seek." Ch.2 p.14, Jekyll and Hyde

Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson

Kidnapped!, Robert Louis Stevenson

"In this character, it was frequently his fortune to be the last reputable acquaintance and the last good influence in the lives of down-going men." Ch.1 p. 5, Jekyll and Hyde

Dracula, Bram Stoker (our episodes here and here)

Charlotte's video work can be found at CharlotteWithAD on youtube

Queer Street - the editor has "there have been some energetic interpretations of Jekyll and Hyde by 'Queer Theorists', who pick up on instances like this and suggest that the modern understanding of 'queer' as a slang term for homosexuality was already in use in the late nineteenth century. Being 'in Queer Street' was in fact a standard phrase for being in financial difficulties, and is a corruption of Carey Street, where the bankruptcy courts were located."

Politics of disgust - here referring to the (flawed) idea that disgust is a reliable indicator of moral value.

The illegality of pushing a moose out of a moving plane in Alaska (source) . This fun fact turns up in a lot of clickbait listicles but I haven't been able to find anything that actually quotes chapter and verse of the relevant law code, so take this with a grain of salt!

Doctor Who (wiki)

Jules Verne (writer)

The Time Machine, H. G. Wells

Isaac Asimov (writer)

This meme from Buzzfeed Unsolved:

Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea, Jules Verne

Around the World in Eighty Days, Jules Verne

Jack the Ripper (wiki)

The unfortunate coincidence of the stage production of Jekyll and Hyde and the Ripper murders (wiki)

Gestalt therapy (wiki)

"Henry James's praise for Stevenson was that 'His books are for the most part without women, and it is not women who most fall in love with them.'..." p. xxvi, Jekyll and Hyde

Dr Jekyll (2023)

Suzie Izzard (imdb)

The Labouchere Amendment (wiki)

Oscar Wilde (writer)

The trials of Oscar Wilde (wiki)

Charlotte is quoting from this article on Crime Reads from 2023

Dictionary Corner; Countdown (1982-ongoing)

"Stevenson also had a friend in John Addington Symonds who was an ardent campaigner for the legal recognition of homosexuality", p. xxvi, Jekyll and Hyde

"In 1887, Stevenson's sense of sheer disappointment that Hyde had already come to be regarded as a 'mere voluptuary' is palpable: 'There is no harm in a voluptuary,' he wrote, 'no harm whatever - in what prurient fools call "immorality."' Hyde, he claimed, was 'no more sexual than another,' and dismissed as impoverished 'this poor wish to have a woman, that they make such a cry about'." p. xxviii, Jekyll and Hyde

Peep Show (2003-2015)

Kill James Bond! (podcast)

The specific episode Charlotte is referencing here is S3E22.5 "Cruising". Preview here and patreon link to full episode here

ACAB (wiki)

“Everyone was guilty of something. Vimes knew that. Every copper knew it. That was how you maintained your authority—everyone, talking to a copper, was secretly afraid you could see their guilty secret written on their forehead. You couldn’t, of course. But neither were you supposed to drag someone off the street and smash their fingers with a hammer until they told you what it was.” Night Watch, Terry Pratchett

Sins of the City series, K. J. Charles

Brandon Sanderson (writer)

November Kelly on returning to the mothership - this is also from Kill James Bond!, but we haven't managed to track down the specific episode - if you know it, give us a shout!

Blindsight, Peter Watts

Echopraxia, Peter Watts

Countess Boochie Flagrante (meme)

Hogwarts Legacy controversy (source)

Stonewall (website)

Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of my actions (meme)

Muppets Treasure Island (1996)

Hercule Poirot; Agatha Christie

Midsomer Murders (1997-ongoing)

Miss Marple; Agatha Christie

Le Chevalier C. Auguste Dupin; The Murders at the Rue Morgue, Edgar Allan Poe

We! Do Not! Talk About! The Orangutan! story from this tumblr post

The Librarian; the Discworld series, Terry Pratchett

The Mystery of Marie Rogêt, The Purloined Letter, Edgar Allan Poe

House MD (2004-2012)

Beowulf (our episode here)

His Majesty's Dragon, Naomi Novik (our episodes here, here and here)

Back To The Future (1985)

The Bodysnatchers, Robert Louis Stevenson

Cat Rating

7/10

What Else Are We Reading?

The Hollow Places, T. Kingfisher

Ghazghkull Thraka: Prophet of the Waaagh!, Nate Crowley

Harrow the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir

The Discworld series, Terry Pratchett

Remarkably Bright Creatures, Shelby Van Pelt

The Southern Reach trilogy, Jeff VanderMeer

[pvccblog]

AND SO IT BEGINS

Our main events got off to a great start here in Elk Creek! Our team is doing an amazing job here. We've had devotionals based on our theme scriptures for this week and they've been doing a great job living it out. Here it is:

Philippians 2:1-5

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.

I'm so proud of every team member, they're working together in unity and encouraging each other every day.

We didn't have a huge turnout at sports camp this morning - 6 kids. But it was so cool watching our team interact with them. We said from the beginning that God will bring who He brings and that it doesn't matter how many or how few show up. Those 6 kids had such a great time and were treated so well!

I also have to give a major shout out to Eva. She taught the Sports Camp lesson today and did a fabulous job. Eva's mom teaches Sunday School at PVCC and it's obvious that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She is a gifted teacher. She was engaging, clear, and energetic.

For those that have been praying, one of the girls at camp was on the golf cart last night. Then two of the other girls showed up at BARF Night tonight with her! Please keep praying for them, there were some great interactions.

After Sports Camp we ended up eating lunch at the local restaurant and it did not disappoint! The workers there had heard we were in town and said they were expecting us! The service and food was outstanding. We even saw one of the girls there from sports camp with her family and her grandma paid for a portion of our meal. How cool is that!?!?

At BARF Night, we played Nuke 'Em much of the time with Bear Ninja Hunter and The Captain is Coming mixed in. I think there were 10 locals here with our group and we all had a great time. By the end of the night, everyone seemed like they'd been friends for years. It was pretty sweet.

Andrew shared his testimony first and let me tell ya - he preached it! He shared how God drew him in over the past couple years through some circumstances that caused him to just decide to start coming to church. We are so glad he did!!

Andrew was a great example of sharing your story while also sharing the gospel. He was clear in his presentation and also told everyone here that he hopes they can have a relationship with Jesus too. Thanks a lot Andrew, great job! I also loved that when he went up to share he went straight to the pulpit!

Ellie also was a great example of sharing very personally about how God drew her closer to Him through some difficulty. She was diagnosed with a rare type of juvenile arthritis almost two years ago and told everyone that it caused her to rely on God more. He has been with her every step of the way. As difficult as it has been on her, she said that she doesn't know if her relationship with God would be as strong as it is if she wasn't going through this. That's a powerful thing to say!

I watched some of the locals listening to the testimonies and it is obvious that they are connecting with them. Please pray that this will lead to great conversations and that people would receive the gospel message!

Thanks for praying for the golf cart girls, there is one that was with them that didn't make it tonight. There's also another dude that drove his truck around with another girl tonight. They drove past and waved a bunch of times and everyone knew who they were. Pray that they'll come hang out with us too! Honestly, it seems like if these remaining three come to our events then that would mean pretty much everyone in town would be here!

Serenity went out of town today. She's going to a Christian Camp and might be back in time to come to BARF Night on Friday. There are some other youth that live around here that are also out of town.

I fell like we've really made some great connections in a short period of time. Please keep praying. God is good!!!

[canmom]

L'aventure de Canmom à Annecy: Vendredi 3: Kaina of the Great Snow Sea

For Friday I spent my reservation walking right back into Bonlieu Grand Salle, on the premiere of Kaina of the Great Snow Sea: Star Sage. This film was not even out in Japan - I was one of the first people in the world to see it outside the studio that made it! Even though I knew absolutely nothing about the film, I was like, sounds sick, let's go.

It turns out that it's based on a story for TV by the great Tsutomu Nihei (accompanied by a manga, but it seems first conceived as a TV show). I love Nihei's work, but that comes with a wrinkle: this is another adaptation by Polygon Pictures in CGI, the same studio that adapted Blame! as a film and Knights of Sidonia as a TV show. These adaptations are... controversial I suppose, I know people who enjoy them, but I would say generally they are not loved by fans of Nihei's manga. That said, I haven't seen their take on Blame!, and I watched Sidonia so many years ago that I was basically a different person, so I resolved to give them a fair shot.

Also the director and producer came on the stage, both of them holding bottles of beer, and were really fun and energetic, getting us to cheer the film with three segments of the audience going か, い, な (I was in the 'い' group), so in general the energy in the theatre was pretty enthusiastic...

...which means it's truly a shame that the film ended up disappointing.

It turns out Star Sage is actually a sequel film to a TV series that aired in 2022. I did not realise this going in, but it explains a lot: we seem to be starting in the middle of the story, with a lot that happened beforehand. It was easy enough to pick up on the character relationships - most are quite archetypal - but I think it would probably work a lot better on the back of the TV show.

What I really liked about it was the imaginative setting. The 'Snow Sea' only loosely resembles snow; it is akin to a slow-moving fluid, transparent if you sink into it. Floatation is possible only with 'snowfoil sticks' harvested from the animals that live in the snow sea, which are used to create special boats that travel across the surface. There are some cool setpieces with this, such as a huge cliff where the surface of the 'snow' becomes vertical. This whole world is covered by an enormous solid canopy supported by 'orbital spire trees', with city-states built at their bases, surviving on the water that rises up through the trees.

The main characters of our story are Kaina, your standard heroic boy with the Nihei-standard long fringe, and Ririha, the princess of a certain nation. At the outset of the film, they have defeated a nation of invaders in a war by supernatural (or rather magitech) intervention, and they are now setting sail along with Amelothee, a defector from the invaders, on an expedition to the 'Great Spire Tree' where abundant water might be found.

Their mission successfully gets them to the tree, but there they find a technologically advanced nation led by a dictatorial young man Byōzan who enslaves the expedition. Amelothee and her people seem to defect and side with him. Kaina and Ririha attempt to infiltrate the project, and discover that Byōzan intends to find something called the 'Authorised User's Suit' with which he can order the big ancient robots to cut down the spire trees, believing this will save the world. They're captured; Ririha is taken to Byōzan, who needs her connection to the tech-spirits, while Kaina is sent underground to the mines where the workers are searching for the Authorised User's Suit.

Ririha is introduced to Byōzan's mother, who drops some of his backstory, and underlines that he has totally the wrong idea and is in part running on resentment at not being able to see the spirit anymore. Meanwhile, Kaina is for whatever reason immune to the ghosts guarding the old ruins, and finds the Suit, along with the big reveal: this whole thing is in fact a massive terraforming system, and it's basically finished, it just needs two people to give the instruction to complete terraforming to the spirit/AI governing the project (for some reason).

Kaina emerges with the suit, and the workers stage a rebellion against Byōzan. Amelothee was actually only pretending to defect, but despite everything, Byōzan gets the suit back and commands his robots to cut down the tree, but Kaina manages to climb up after him, rescue Ririha, and save the world. The humans start farming, and ever after is lived happily.

The influence of Nausicaa is very strong, if more so the movie than the manga. For example, we have a fantastical ecosystem (complete with bugs) that is actually a terraforming system; a vague prophecy; Amelothee is basically Kushana; Kaina carries a rifle not so different from Nausicaa's. I love Nausicaa, and I think there is a ton of potential in this film; sadly I just don't feel like it's realised. If I would compare it with anything it's actually a fairly obscure scifi anime film called Gin'iro no Kami no Agito, which has a cool setting of overgrown post-apocalyptic ruins but ultimately falls down to a massive ancient scifi machine that needs to be turned off by the right kind of boy.

So yeah partly this is because, for all the imaginative setting, this is just a standard 'boy saves the world' type of plot. Certain elements, such as the terraforming system requiring a final voice command, feel needlessly contrived. But that said, there's plenty here that I like. And the Nausicaa film is not so different.

So is it the visuals? Maybe. And that's probably worth examining...

I will preface this to say that I absolutely do not believe that is impossible to make good CG anime with present day tech. In fact earlier in the festival I watched The First Slam Dunk which was genuinely one of the best looking animated films I've ever seen. Even without the unique watercolour-like shader tech they used in that film, Studio Orange have been doing cel-shaded CGI like their Houseki no Kuni and that looks great, and from what I've seen of Trigun Stampede, it works pretty well there too.

CG should also be a pretty natural fit for the sort of grand scifi spectacle this film is going for. But it left me cold here. So why?

Partly we can look at technical stuff. For example, there is a lack of cloth and hair physics. One of the things that really sold Slam Dunk's CGI was that the characters' loose clothes swung and folded and generally moved naturally. In contrast, the characters in Kaina in their bulky snow outfits look decent enough in stills, but when they move, they move mostly as rigid dolls.

But also it's the way characters move in general. It is hard to really nail down where the problems lie without watching the film again, but it felt like there is a lack of weight, a lack of real impact, as well as a lack of emotion conveyed by the animated acting. The face rigs seem to be quite limited in how far they can really push their expressions, the body language just as much. And the camera is constantly in motion, too much so - which means that a lot of the tools of framing become unavailable.

Likewise, the lighting and composite tends not to use the powerful negative space and contrast that Nihei's manga is so good at. In this case since it's anime-first there's not a manga to compare with, but this is a setting that truly depends on selling a feeling of vast scale, and it just never quite sold it.

(Also... it's a small complaint but the particle effect used when the boats move through the snow sea, which consists of small spherical balls thrown up, just plain looks so bad, it bothered me so much. Like I don't know how this ever got to be the final effect used - it looks like a placeholder.)

All in all it felt sadly lacking in ambition. It's just too conventional; the setting ends up feeling less interesting for the big reveals. What I really like about manga like Blame! is how vast and bleak they feel; by contrast this movie felt small, this big strange scifi world just a backdrop for the usual hero story. I would have been much more interested in a smaller-scale narrative about how people survive in this Great Snow Sea than half-baked spiritualism and magic words that fix everything.

So that was a shame! Still, fun to attend a premiere all the same, and most of the audience seemed to enjoy it more than I did. The team from the studio were actually interviewing people at the exit to the theatre, but I missed the chance to tell them (more politely than the above lol) what I thought. Probably for the best though, they don't really need the advice of some British girl with no industry experience lmao.

After that I made my way back to my hotel to try and get an earlier night. Not a lot of food places were open, especially places doing decent vegetarian food, so I ended up getting a pizza, which was a huge mistake because I know too much cheese makes me feel ill. Next year I gotta make sure to eat earlier.

Saturday was a good end to the festival - besides Barry JC Purves, who I posted about already, I got to see Rintaro! But more on that in a bit~

[intoxicatingimmediacy]

There Existed an Addiction to Clipping: Meet your new musical obsession

[...] How do you bring the theatricality and the cinematic quality of your albums to your live performances, or do you view those two things as completely separate? After all, you can’t very well burn a piano every night… Which is a shame, really… DD: (Laughs) Yeah, they’re rap shows and they function as such. At least the way people generally behave at our shows, it would feel really dumb to do a bunch of crazy cinematic things and add some set pieces. People come out to listen to the music and to get wild. When we first started, we would try to do a bunch of weird, austere things that separated us from the audience, and that made it more of a performance art piece. And that felt pretty dishonest pretty quickly. And the more that we started leaning into the fact that this is a rap show, the better things got. WH: There was a review of our show from two nights ago that I read, that was an incredibly positive review. I don’t want to talk shit. But the framing of the whole piece was: ‘Can Clipping create the same experience of listening to their albums live or will it disappoint?’ Because the albums are intricate and there are characters who repeat… And of course we can’t do that live. We’re not going to do a storytelling rap show. We’re just going to blast the songs and have a good time. Yes, the words are the same but no one expects anyone coming to a live show to follow all the narrative threads. I expect them to respond to what the songs sound like sonically and emotionally in that moment. And if they liked it, maybe they can go home afterwards and figure out what they’re about. But live, I’m not worried if anyone understood what they were about! (Laughs) JS: And why would we try to recreate the experience of listening to the albums? We’ve already made the experience – this is a different medium. The live thing is a different thing. And considering the size of the venues we’re playing in, this makes sense. If we were playing stadiums, maybe we’d have to figure something else out. DD: Giant puppets our ourselves, maybe… (Laughs) Playing shows is like a game of energy management as well. It’s all about how we create the energetic ups and downs that you want in a show. At the end of the day, we’re here to have a good time and hopefully everybody else is there to have a good time too. So far, that’s proven to be true. The audience have been more ready for a good time than I was! (Laughs) JS: Turns out we got old over the pandemic! (Laughs)  [...]Is touring still as fun for you guys, or do the realities of touring mean that it’s more exhausting then anything else? DD: Can it be both? (Laughs) WH: The shows are so much fun. Hanging out is really fun, and I love touring because it’s a weird anxiety management tactic to have one thing that matters today: getting to the venue and doing the show. It obliterates all the other things you could be worried or thinking about. We also love looking for weird food we’ve never seen in other places, you know? It’s like travelling. But also some nights, it’s two hours of sleep. JS: It’s exhausting and frustrating and wreaks havoc on your health and the body, but it’s also the most fun and the best job in the world. We’re incredibly lucky. People sometimes say ‘Oh, it must be so hard and tiring.’ Yes, but we’re playing music we made for people who enjoy it every night.

[sleepyburito]

Venting about my father

Tw! mental issues not being addressed/someone refusing to medicate and for... I guess weird dad? and a parent seemingly living through their kid? Idk how to explain this one, parents yelling at their child and general bad parenting

So... Imma just start with the usual thanking god I don't live with my dad and I haven't meet with him in person since the year before covid and yeah I am very grateful

But I have a once a week skype call with him I literally can only get out of if I'm really sick, have a social event or play up my exhaustion to make it seem like I'm sick

So my dad is a fucking ping pong ball of emotions when it comes to these calls. Sometimes the call is nice and sweet while other times I feel like fucking crying afterwards

I don't ever tell a lotta people how bad things get even my mom doesn't know the full extent of things. Like she's seen some of the worst of it cause it usually results in me crying and needing a hug but there's a lotta little things.

a prime incident that makes me so fucking mad looking back on it now is when I was 13. It was my dads birthday and I had managed to send his birthday present but it was going to be a bit late. I let him know this but then he doesn't show up for our Skype call. Then he sends this message.

'I'm very disappointed in you ***' (not saying my legal name here)

and it turns out he's upset I 'forgot' his birthday and it takes him hours to answer and in that time I have a full on meltdown crying session while me and my mom try figure out wtf?

Then there was the time he got on my ass about studying (which yes I was not doing) in a way that made my stubborn self snap and so he got mad and I got so mad I started crying and next thing I know we're ending the call and I'm crying to myself in the kitchen.

I now offer last weeks call. I mentioned I hadn't gone out and socialised much but I had managed to go on some walks and get some nice time to myself (I hadn't I just wanted him to shut up with asking me what I did) and I mentioned I wasn't the most energetic and also mentioned I was unwell. He got... idk offended?? that I said two 'different' things and was still pissed even when I explained I was exhausted cuz I was unwell cuz I didn't wanna explain to him I was having a terrible period that left me curled up behind my mom on the sofa to help with cramps

now, here comes my 'living through me' theory

I'm a lot more introverted than my dad, me and my mom rarely leave the house for social events because it's not our thing and we just rarely have the energy for it. My dad however, would rather I go out like every other day which is a massive no for me as I once had social plans for a solid 4 days straight and ended up exhausted and barely able to function afterwards

He got a bit annoyed when I mentioned I hadn't done much over the week and had mainly spent time for myself and talking with friends online

then he asks if I'm going to start dating my platonic partner again (long story short, we dated romantically for nearly 3 years but then we both realised we were on the aro spectrum and now we're just something undefined just... us). And previously when we were dating ... he would ask really weird questions that made me extremely uncomfortable about us kissing, having sex etc and I just... did my best to joke my way out of it or change the topic but he'd continue on even when I tried to stop him.

Then he asks about my week plans and gets pissy again! when I say my plans just include more walks because I wanna get more fresh air and not be trapped in my warm house all day.

He got so pissed he ended the call for once and I am just so done.

This is from a man who stopped taking his very important meds several years ago (around the time of the birthday incident) and it now and then hits me that this is the result.

He is well and truly a stubborn asshole and I'm considering just lying half the time that I met up with friends so he can shut the fuck up. He doesn't even pay fucking child support, closest thing he does is send me money for holidays and birthdays

I just.... really really wish I could cut him out but I can't rn and it fucking sucks so badly and I just... I really wish I could tell him to fuck off

this is without including him trying to make me his 'perfect lil princess' and when he got me, a gender blob of a person he kept trying to make me a sports fan which also! didn't work. Also his weirdness about me cursing when jesus fuck he knows how teenagers are and that I'm on the internet and around people my age?

I can also add him thinking it's 'funny' to imply I have feelings for literally any of my friends which is just a fuck no (not just cuz of the aro thing but because I'm also a lesbian with a lot of guy friends-)

Oh and the period of time where he kept 'joking' about me becoming a nun and working for god (I'm agnostic now) and him getting pissed when he learned I stopped going to church because it just wasn't for me

Then there's the time he yelled at me for something my mom did and now I cry when I'm stressed and yelled at while also having bad financial guilt when people spend money on me

Oh and for basic clarification? my dad doesn't have any custody or guardianship over me as my parents were never married but broke up when my mom was pregnant with me. My mom got complete guardianship over me and my dad (when he lived in my country) would visit and when he moved I'd go over there and stay with him for a week.

I don't know how I feel about him but I do know I really wish I could cut him out of my life for good.

sorry for the random vent I just needed to get this off my chest

[yankpop]

Yandere NCT Dream: Forcing you to marry them

All copyrights belong to @yankpop (aka me) so do not post/translate my works on any other platforms without my consent/knowledge.

Check more: Masterlist.

Female reader

WARNINGS: Forced marriages; blackmail; implied kidnapping; extreme manipulation.

AN: I'm not back to writing, I don't really know if I'll come back but don't worry, I won't delete the account. I have some works in drafts that I want to publish cause I don't have inspiration to write anything anymore. Enjoy it :)

-

Mark 

“And I just hope that even though it’s an arranged marriage, we get comfortable and get to know each other since we’re spending the rest of our lives together.” Mark tries his best to put you at ease through his words, even if it doesn’t seem to work. You’re still avoiding him, your eyes fixated on the ground.

Your lack of reaction makes Mark awkwardly scratch his head, not knowing how to deal with your shy attitude. You are probably trying to get used to this new reality, he tries to convince himself.

Getting married by arranged marriage was definitely not something you probably wanted for yourself, but Mark knew he couldn’t let you escape. His parents were long-term friends with yours and although neither you or Mark spoke more than a few words through the years, he still managed to convince his parents to settle the marriage between the two of you.

Your parent’s knew he was a decent guy who’d treat their daughter right, so they had no issue with this “arrangement”. Exactly how Mark expected it. 

Now, all he has to do is to convince you that he’s perfect for you, cause he is. Mark wants to give you his everything, all the happiness in this world and he knows that he’s the only one who’ll be able to make you happy.

Cause if it’s not him, then it’s not gonna be anyone.

He’ll make damn sure of that. 

Renjun

You weakly follow Renjun, his hand tightly connected to your’s was pushing you forward as the boy energetically rushes over to the iconic Las Vegas chapel, a fake Elvis already standing there to greet you both. You try to halt your movements, steadying your feet on the ground. 

“Renjun, wait! I’m really not sure this is the right thing to do.” disappointment appears on Renjun’s face, quickly replaced by frustration. “And why not? We already talked about this! I love you and you love me, then why not get married?” 

Pressing your lips together, you try to hold back your feelings, not wanting to lash out at Renjun. “Please, this is really not a good idea.” you beg, hoping to change Renjun’s mind but to your despair, it doesn’t work.

“No, we’re doing this. You said you loved me! Then show me you love me.” Renjun practically trembles with anger as he spits the words out. You’re not capable of fighting back and he takes it as a submission sign from you, beginning to walk back to the chapel and dragging you along.

You feel so helpless but it only gets worse after you leave the chapel, married to Renjun without the presence of any family members or close friends. 

Only you and Renjun. 

For the rest of your life. 

Jeno

Jeno, aka your kidnapper, drops a gift package onto your lap. Taking the package onto your hands, you look at it with surprise. Was today a special occasion?

Giving Jeno an inquiring look, he merely motions you to open the package. It’s actually a bit large, like it contains a book but not quite, as it’s incredibly thin so there’s no way there’s a book inside. Jeno watches you inspect the package with expectant eyes.

“C’mon, open it.” he almost begs you. As you rip out the wrapper, you discover that inside there’s a golden frame. It makes you curious about it, was it a picture?

As you finally rip out the entire wrapper, the content of the beautiful frame makes you stop breathing for a moment. Inside the frame, is a document. 

A marriage certificate, to be exact. 

Jeno’s body makes the couch dip as he sits close to you, his eyes eagerly attached to your eyes, drinking in your reaction. “Do you like it?” You ignore his words, closing your eyes. What the hell is happening? 

His hand comes to hold the frame, his hand covering yours. The warm touch repulses you, but you don’t dare to move away. “It’s a small gift for our one-year anniversary. I hope you like it as much as I do.” Jeno continues talking, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

When you don’t talk, Jeno gently takes off the frame from your hands, moving to kneel in front of you as you open your eyes. You feel so defeated, like the marriage certificate was a prison order. Jeno takes your face into his hands, lovingly gazing at you. 

“Now I can officially call you mine, isn’t that perfect?” 

Haechan

You avoid looking at Haechan, tears flooding your eyes already. You already know that if you look at him, all of your emotions will break free and you can’t have that. Not now, at least. 

Ignoring Haechan through the entire ceremony is hard, the persistent looks he gives you every 5 seconds are difficult to turn a blind eye to, even the priest notices Haechan’s clingy behavior, assuming he’s just in deep love. Which is actually true. 

Haechan says yes incredibly fast, practically cutting off the priest even before he manages to finish the question and when it’s your turn, you spit the words in a way that you are sure it shocked the man, but you pay no attention to it.

You’re only here to save your best friend, who was kidnapped by no other than Haechan. All of this - you’re only doing it to save her. 

Haechan wastes no time in pulling closer to you, giving you an intense kiss that makes you want to throw up but you contain yourself. The moment you’re outside the church, you immediately stop Haechan on his tracks. 

“Let her go now!” Haechan pouts at you, his arms sneaking around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “Is that really the first thing you’re telling me after we just got married? Not even an i love-” 

“Now!” You hysterically cut him off, tears freely streaking down your face. It makes Haechan’s face turn into an almost regretful expression, pulling his hands up. “I’m sorry, I’ll call Jeno to let your friend go, okay? Don’t get upset, baby.”

You almost scoff with irony at his words, but contain yourself, you don’t want to risk Haechan turning back on his word. You merely watch as Haechan fiddles with his phone, speaking with Jeno in a low voice.

After it’s over, he turns back with a small smile. “She’s free to go now.” You sigh in relief, wiping your tears away. She is safe now. You quickly spin around, beginning to walk away yet Haechan is fast in grabbing your arm, pulling you back. 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” an incredulous frown on his face. Tightening his hold on your arm, he asserts. “We’re married now. You’re never leaving me again.”

Jaemin

Jaemin keeps a strong grip in your hand, almost too painful but you don’t dare to say a word about it. You’re not gonna say a word to him, or to be more specific, that one magic word.

Trying to ignore the priest is quite easy but to ignore Jaemin’s constant glares and the way he irradiates danger is a different story. You comprehend what he’s trying to tell you. 

Don’t make this harder than what it needs to be.

But you want to. There’s no way that you’re leaving the church unmarried, you are aware of that, but you want to annoy Jaemin as much as you can. Let him know that you’re not gonna make his life any easier. 

You almost miss it when Jaemin readily declares an overly intense yes to the priest, his hand giving yours a small squeeze but you choose to lower your head, turning your eyes to the ground. 

“And now, do you - Y/N L/N - take Jaemin as your husband?” you purse your lips together, ignoring the question and trying to focus on the ground. Jaemin’s hand gives a hard squeeze to your hand and you feel him coming closer to you, his voice awfully close to your ear. “Say yes.” he hisses, frustration seeping through his voice. 

Upon your lack of response, he angrily groans. From the side of your eye, you notice Jaemin giving the priest a small nod, to which the priest quickly reacts by completing the ceremony and pronouncing you man and wife. You bring your shocked face to the priest, only to see him accepting a large envelope of money from Jaemin.

You're screwed.

Chenle 

Your eyes start burning as you watch your parent’s arriving at the enormous garden that had been arranged to be the venue of your wedding. Taking several deep breaths, you enter the master suite and try to contain yourself.

You had accepted your fate a long time ago, believing that everything Chenle ever did was for your own good and that he is the only one that knows what’s best for you but now, watching your family once again - after months of isolation - is making you doubt your thoughts. 

In the spur of the moment, you dash towards the door but just as you grab the handle, it opens from the other side, causing you to bump into Chenle. He quickly grabs your arm to keep you from falling and raises his eyebrows to you.

“In a hurry to get married, are we?” he jokes, his eyes lightening up in amazement as he notices the elaborate dress that adorns your figure alongside with the elegant hairstyle you have on. 

“Wow, you look so pretty. Seriously.” he gushes over, his hand picking up yours. His other hand carefully cups the side of your face, considerate of your delicate make-up.

Your mind runs wild with contradictory emotions but you force yourself to be calm and serene. You’d hate to upset Chenle, especially now that he was starting to trust. 

His hand tilts your chin up and your eyes meet. Yours full of contained sadness while his are overflowing with burning love. He gives you a cheeky smile.

“I can’t wait for you to be officially mine.” 

Jisung 

You try to stay still from your spot on the couch. It feels too intimidating to be the only one sitting while the other boys are all standing, making them look both taller and quite scary, to be honest. 

“... and Jisung loves you so much, then why not? Give me a good reason for you to refuse his proposal.” Jaemin intensely utters, his eyes staring at you. You open your lips to say something but Renjun is fast to interrupt you. “See!? You don’t even have a logical reason to turn down Jisung. You two would be such a great couple, really.” 

Besides him, Chenle nods his head at his friend’s words. “Yeah, and being married would be great for Jisung. It would make him so happy.” he declares, before lowering his voice like he was about to share a secret. “He’s been so heartbroken ever since you have said no. He was so excited to propose and all and now you broke his heart. He’s been crying ever since.”  

Your heart clenches at his words, you never meant to hurt Jisung like that. You love him too, but you thought that you’re both too young to get married. You bite your lip, how were you going to get out of this problem?

“Guys, I really didn’t mean to hurt Jisung but I don't think I can do this.” you blurt out, glancing at the boys, hoping they’d understand your side of the story. Upon hearing your words, Jaemin crosses his arms over his chest as Haechan lets out an irked scoff. 

“You’re such a coward, you’re literally letting Jisung down!” Renjun hisses at you and it really shocks you how raw his words were. Your eyes start watering as your shoulders slump forward in defeat. Maybe you are a coward. Numbness hits you and the words simply flow out of your mouth, without even thinking. 

The boys share a victorious look between them at you finally giving in and agreeing to marry their friend.

Wasn’t so hard, afterall. 

-

TAGS:

@mwitsmejk

[blacksunscorpio]

Astro Musings No. 11

Venus/Jupiter aspects in the natal chart...

Will make someone generally likable, charming, generous, and agreeable- especially if it's a conjunction, trine, or sextile you're working with. They'll be the person who might be incredibly popular or someone whose creativity [Venus] is magnified [Jupiter]. They might be very beautiful or well known for their good looks. However, throw a square to Chiron in the mix and this individual might have a hard time believing it. Since Chiron is the place in our chart where we wear our inner wound and a square indicates conflict, the pain to either of these planets has to do with beliefs, how we're educated, and the overall philosophy of life. One could perhaps have a lot of doubt as to whether they are truly attractive.  They could be bullied or hated for their attractiveness or popularity. On the other hand, Jupiter Squaring Chiron can make someone have severe wounds concerning their spiritual beliefs. It's common to see this aspect in charts of people who were forced into a particular belief system or religion. In addition, it's also an indicator of those who were abused by organized religion. Often the case/in charts of those in the LGBTQ community who were perhaps shunned by conventional western religious constructs.

12th House Synastry is a bit like Russian Roulette...

Not to scare any of you with significant placements within this house synastrically or in composite, but remember what I said in Astro Musings 1 about Neptune? Wherever he is, there's going to be a feeling that something is hidden. Deception will be a big factor or just naivete or idealism. More so if the aspects in this house are squares/oppositions. With the Trines and Conjunctions, the energy here can feel incredibly spiritual and binding. [Don't bust out the champagne yet, I said FEEL binding- it doesn't mean it necessarily will be]. Sorry. North Node/Neptune might make you two dream of each other or have this strange 6th sense concerning them and their energy. Moon and Neptune will make two people have an uncanny knack for knowing what the other is thinking. It will feel downright Soul-Mate-esque. The same if Mercury and Neptune are joined.

Now, if the aforementioned aspect is afflicted, two people will Pinocchio the fuck out of each other.

The lies will be endless. Now this might not even be malicious, it's more so two people don't want to disappoint each other, so they put on an act they think the other will appreciate/wants to see. There's a lot of pressure to live up to the other person's expectations. Most of the time, the mask will inevitably fall off and bitter feelings may ensue. Choose honesty first.

Aspects to the ruler of the first house will have a similar vibe to aspects on the ascendant.

That’s because your chart ruler and it’s planet are leading your entire chart in energetic expression. By proxy, whatever happens to it [ruler of the 1st], wherever it is in your chart, will be magnified and displayed. For example, if you’re a Scorpio rising but Pluto is in your 3rd house, it might be very apparent to others that you speak and think deeply. Your communication can feel very “psychiatric" and probing. It might be the first thing people notice about you. If you’re a Sag rising and your Jupiter is in your 10th House, you could make a career out of travel or be famous. Everyone will notice your larger than life persona.

Aquarius Moon in the 5th just like these other aspects, can be an indicator of one who might have a fear of motherhood or pregnancy in general. In addition, One with a Cancer Lilith in the 6th might choose career over motherhood. In a woman’s chart, it can also be an indicator of someone who has reproductive [4th house/moon] issues [especially if there are afflictions].

Lilith in the 6th house may feel that they give more than they get. They might also reject the idea of daily work and routine or general discipline. There can be scandal’s at work as well. Wherever Lilith is, you can guarantee that there’s going to be some ‘taboo’ energy involved. Since 6th house is one of the money/career houses, it can indicate that this taboo will be related to whatever you do for a living.

Placements for those who love animals

Will be Neptunian placements ftw. Neptunians/Piscean placements tend to have a monopoly on the “beast whisperer” thing. That’s because Animals sit between the physical and the spiritual world. They see shit we can’t. So they’ll often take to those with strong “veil” energy. 

Cancerian’s come in at a cool 2nd. This is because their heightened sensitivity make animals feel them quite strongly. They also have strong nurturing energy which will draw pets to them.

Leos at No. 3- Leonine placements have an uncanny love for animals due to their playful and warm energy. Being ruled by the sun, they’ll be literally “beacons of light” for furry friends.

Virgo is ruler of the 6th house of work and routine. Because of their natural capability towards order and discipline, I often see this sign as pet owners. Often these natives have more than one. They’ll be the sign that has Fido trained and operating like clockwork. 

Speaking of animals, the signs I’ve seen to take to cats more than canines are Scorpio and Capricorn. Because of these two sign’s affinity towards introversion, it’s no surprise that one of the most introverted breed of animal feels right at home among them. On the flipside, I’ve seen on numerous occasions where dogs become quite obsessed [Pluto] with Scorpios, on the occasion where they’re not scared of them. 

In a female’s chart, Having asteroid Aphrodite squaring her Lilith

will mean her beauty will have a forbidden fruit vibe to it. Her charm will be directly tied to her wild femininity. However, there may be struggles in how she expresses it. Typical placement for someone whose kindness or mild flirtation will be received as overtly sexual. Her charm and grace might have a playboy or pornstar vibe or she may get her value from expressing herself sexually. It can also indicate one who is just oversexed in general. Be sure to keep those Trojans on hand and get those yearly check ups. Nothing wrong with expressing yourself in such a way but Lilith can also indicate diseases of the venereal nature, especially if in the sign of Scorpio or afflicted in the 8th House

Talent in Fashion Design in the Natal Chart will be

Sun in Libra [Andre Leon Talley]

Venus in the 10th

Taurus 10th House

Libra 10th House

Venus in Virgo

Venus in the 6th

Moon conjunct Venus

Venus in the 2nd House

Mercury in harmonious aspect to Venus

Neptune in Libra

Venus in Sagittarius [Expansive/creative mindset/abundance]

Neptune in harmonious aspect to Venus [Anna Wintour]

Talent in Libra

Scorpio Stelliums [Pluto rules the underworld where jewels and finery reside- Gianni Versace and Anna Wintour have this in their charts- So does Grace Kelly]

Having Nessus in Capricorn can indicate that the father figure in your life might have been a bit abusive or a source of pain.

Having Asteroid Talent in the sign of Gemini might make one very well adept at wordplay. They could have a talent for writing or have hardcore skill at wit. In the 12th house might make them very skilled at writing fantasy or even writing for film/fiction.

Uranus in the 1st can make someone unusual looking, they may look androgynous or dress in a ‘rebellious’ or ‘avant-garde’ way. I’ve also seen 1st house Uranians have flat affects. They can have a demeanor that comes off as detached or in general RBF.

Speaking of Uranus, if you had an absentee father figure...

check to see if your 4th house has Aquarian or Uranian influence. In addition, see if your Sun is inconjunct to your Uranus or squaring it. 9 times out of 10 when I’m analyzing a birth chart, I have a native tell me their father skipped out or split from life very early. There’s always a story there.

Asteroid Psyche touching your 10th house/MC might make you a very skilled Psychologist. Asteroid Psyche [16] is about the mind/soul. If it’s in the house of work/reputation/prestige, you might apply this asteroid's energy to your career

Multi-planet oppositions in the natal chart

Will indicate a push-pull in your natal energy. You’ll be the person who struggles between two mindsets constantly.

If it’s between Gemini and Sagittarius you’ll struggle with the logical and philosophical. You may have constant existential crises. On a positive note, if you’re able to balance it, you’ll be able to see multiple sides of an argument. This is an ideal aspect for someone who debates, is in law, or journalism. If it’s between

Cancer or Capricorn you will deal with wanting to be self-sufficient but also have a deep need to nurture or be nurtured.

The Sign your Sun/Rising is in in your Solar Return Chart

Will usually indicate the energy you’ll take on for the year. In Aquarius your might be tech minded and quite detached. In Virgo, you may be especially detail oriented and cerebral. In Scorpio you may find yourself more emotionally sensitive, probing, or ruthless that year. In Leo, you may be more outgoing- self-centered, or unusually popular.

A Taurus Venus will like to feed you to show you they love you. Being Wined and Dined is how this Venus placement likes to demonstrate they care. They may also like to give you gifts to show you their admiration.

Sorry to break it to you, mutable gang...

But Sagittarius, Gemini, Virgo, and Pisces are among the top signs found in Serial Killers. I.E

Ted Bundy- Sagittarius

Jeffrey Dahmer- Gemini

John Wayne Gacy- Pisces

Mary Bell- Gemini

George Chapman- Sagittarius

Charles Cullen- Pisces

Danny Rolling- Gemini

Marybeth Tinning- Virgo

Alton Coleman- Sagittarius

Kenneth Bianchi- Gemini

Andras Pandy- Gemini

Dean Carter- Virgo

Andrew Cunanan- Virgo

Richard Ramirez- Pisces

Randy Steven Kraft- Pisces

Terry Blair- Virgo

Timothy Krajcir- Sagittarius

Yikes....

Taurus Suns, 11th House Virgos, Cancer/Capricorn 5th Houses, and Libra 7th Housers are typically the “Parent/Mom/Dad” of their friend groups.

Believe it or not, when it comes to “jealousy” over material things, it’s not Scorpio. Taurean/Leo placements [typically risings and Suns and moons] and especially underdeveloped will be the types to hate on you for having something [Usually clothing, car, house, etc] they want. Scorpios, though famous infamous for the jealousy stereotype, will usually show this trait only in romantic entanglements. This is because Scorpio is a water sign. Their primary mode of operation has to do with the emotional realm.

Mars in the 10th House is usually seen in those who make athletics part of their career. 

Mars in Gemini have the most savage comebacks. They will make you feel so stupid if you argue with them. Mars is war and Gemini is wit. You’ll be hard pressed to win a battle of words with them.

I find those with Mars in Aquarius or aspecting Uranus will swing both ways sexually, regardless of how they identify.

Venus in Aquarius don’t really like to be touched/hugged. Picture Voldemort hugging Draco. Ironically, they will usually be the type of people to take up professions where they have to touch others. I've seen copious nurses with their Venuses touching Aquarius. Massage therapists as well. Might have something to do with the love [Venus] of helping others [Aquarius].

Those with multiple planets in the 12th House can make excellent actors. This is because their personality is in a mutable house. They can morph and chameleonize themselves very easily. Superb for taking on multiple personalities for their craft.

Men with Mercury in Leo, Capricorn, or harmonious aspect to Pluto tend to have very deep voices. There’s also a soothing vibe to them as well. James Earl Jones, Liam Neeson, and Anthony Hopkins all have these placements. 

Contrary to popular opinion, Gemini isn’t the only sign that can be a “jack of all trades”. In fact, Libra Suns often fit in in various roles/professions. This has a lot to do with their diplomatic nature. Because they are often the peacemaker and a bit passive than their cousins, they are often welcomed in many different circles. This allows them to excel with networking/social climbing.

Jupiter conjunct/Square Saturn and Capricorn 9th Housers

are the placement[s] I see the most in those who have a deep skepticism of Astrology. Their belief system can be rather rigid [Saturn] which makes it harder/ for them to be open minded [Jupiter] to other schools of thought.

Each Planet/Sign rules a day of the week. Whichever day you were born can inadvertently make you take on some of the traits of that sign, regardless of what your “big 3″ are. 

For example: If you were born on a Wednesday, ruled by Mercury, you can be especially cerebral or witty. Tuesday, ruled by Mars can make you fiesty, athletic and perhaps a bit impatient like Arians. Friday, ruled by Venus can make you extremely charming and friendly. Saturday, ruled by Saturn can make you extremely entrepreneurial-minded whereas being Born on a Monday [Moon] can make you security and family oriented.

Venus in Sagittarius, Sagittarius 5th House, 2nd House in Sag or Venus Aspecting Neptune in the sign of Sag might make one have an affinity for entertainment from foreign countries. I see these placements in the charts of those who enjoy anime, foreign film, or those who have a knack for languages [lot of trines to Jupiter is also an indicator of the latter.]

Asteroid Priapus... will make you want to uncontrollably merge with someone.

 [I’m not even kidding. I had this aspect with someone and my Priapus touched their Jupiter and I wanted to tear the kid’s clothes off. All my friends had no idea what I saw in him. To them, he was not my “type”- whatever that means.] The sign Priapus is in will give you a hint as to what turns you on. In Virgo, someone clean cut, organized or well-groomed might tickle your fancy. In Libra, someone fashionable and sweet-natured. In Aries, someone outgoing or athletic, Capricorn, there can be an affinity for someone older, someone accomplished, or a general “daddy” fetish. 

Sun conjunct Pluto or Sun Square Pluto...

will have gnarly authority issues. Same with Mars in the 1st or Mars in any of the career houses. They do not like being told what to do whatsoever. If you try to boss them around, they will do the opposite just to spite you.

In synastry, a Double Whammy of Sun/Pluto

energy will make two people addicted to each other. All their forbidden fantasies [Pluto] will be exemplified by the other person’s presence [Sun]. The sex will be on the rougher side and can make two people obsessed. However, if a break up were to occur, this placement will make it damn near impossible for two people to be friends again. There’s just too much passion involved.

Astro Musings No. 1  Astro Musings No. 2  Astro Musings No. 3  Astro Musings No. 4 Astro Musings No. 5  Astro Musings No. 6 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8 Astro Musings No. 9 Astro Musings No. 10

[routeweek]

Route Week Day 4: “The More We Lose The More We Love”

(Aftermath/Allies)

12 Left

Chatter comes from the bar, loud and energetic. All brought about by Mishima, who stands by the drinks. A look of disappointment has shown on his face since finding out about the false cigarette. An expression that almost makes Sara laugh even in her uncertain situation.

Joe sits on the bar stool next to her. His caramel eyes watch as Gin sniff's every nook and cranny for any clue. "Woah, so cool! Do you think Gin has better smell than a cat, Sara?" Gin rolls his eyes to the gaudy boy's words, responding in a lighthearted yet judgmental tone. "Meow! I'm not a cat! Woof!"

The three older one's in the room share a grin. Mishima most of all as his smile seems to engulf his entire face. "Yes, of course! There's no doubt about that!".

More Undercut

11 Left

Sara watches in the second-floor back hallway as Reko lays her arms on Nao's shoulders. She holds her firm but not tight as an expression of relief flood's her face. "Nao, we're your buds, right? Don't take off anymore, okay?"

"B... Buds…" Nao's voice comes out in a whisper that Sara can hardly hear over the footsteps echoing on the nylon floor behind her. With a glance, she looks over her shoulder, seeing Keiji stride toward her with a solemn appearance written on his face. "You holding in there, Sara? Judging by our enemies' unrest, the main game could start soon. Are you prepared?"

Sara thinks of Joe's optimism and the hope of the allies she's made. The bonds she's curated in this place seem long-lasting, but who's to say what that main game could destroy? There are some things she'll never be ready for, but she'll wear a familiar brave face for the people she's decided to protect. "I'm prepared for anything!"

Sara's body tosses in restless slumber. Her eyelids twitch at the unseen as she murmurs "Joe" repeatedly. The group is at a loss. The entire time, she's been their rock. Now it's time to be there for her, and it seems like they're nothing more than a flimsy rod of support during this trying time.

Shin and Kanna scurried off with the main game's end, but the rest stayed to try and be who Sara needed. Gin holds Sara's hand in his paw, Nao sitting guarded by her limp form. The older rockstar paces the floor, scolding the adults who pressured her into being a leader. Her brother watches quietly from the back wall. A thoughtful expression spread across his face. Keiji runs a hand through his dyed hair, not wanting to show the ever-present regret weighing him down.

Q-Taro is silent. Words have hardly left his lips since the main game, the events that transpired weighing down his mind until he's almost crushed. He seems to struggle as he opens his mouth to speak, his voice sounding more fragile than at any other point. "We should find Sara somewhere safer to rest. After what she's gone through…taking it easy could do her some good."

8 Left

Sara's foot taps against the hardwood floor as Sou messes with the Mishima AI. He seems in complete control, not minding Nao and Gin, who watch with curious eyes. "Meow! Work harder, loner! We're so close to going home! Woof!"

Shin nods his head in understanding, not looking away from the monitor in front of him. "Gin… Let's believe in Sou. Sara…can you gather Reko and the others?" Nao speaks with the confidence of a leader, a stark contrast from the woman they first met who needed to be protected.

"I'll get everyone together!" You two keep working here!" With shaking legs, Sara takes off toward the lobby with escape on her mind. They'll be home soon. Living a normal life while recalling this time as nothing more than a terrible dream. The idea makes a smile cross her face for the first time since losing Joe as she stumbles into the medical office looking for Reko.

6 Left

"We won't kill each other again!" Despite the ache of losing Nao and Shin, Sara's never felt more alive. She feels born again, standing in the warm light of the lobby watching her allies' faces morph into ones of hope.

They've changed so much. Q-Taro is no longer a selfish man willing to kill the weak, nor is Gin simply a little boy. Keiji has begun to rely on others, while Kanna has begun to trust herself. Reko has a fire burning in her dark eyes as she searches for revenge, matching the emotion in Sara's purple ones.

They feel stronger now. More prepared for any hardship that will come the group's way. Even if someone is lost again, they can rest easy knowing they'll have each other.

5 Left

Everyone practically collapses in the surveillance room after the banquet. Their body and minds have reached their limit, but there's peace in knowing Mai is safe. That's what Q-Taro would have wanted, and they're proud to see it through.

It's a hopeful outcome despite everything. Mai will certainly return to them, just like Keiji did. The former policeman cradles the sleeping boy in his arms while Reko encourages the young girl beside her to play with her makeup pallet. The moment of peace they've achieved is earned even if it makes Sara's eyes heavy with sleep.

She's not sure what will happen next. An uncertain future stretches on the horizon for both herself and her allies. But that's okay. Because they're together, with each other's help, they'll push forward to regain the normalcy they lost. That's what allies are for, and however odd it is to say, Sara can't imagine being stuck in a death game with anyone else.

[sunfish-studies]

Cogs

✄・・・ Feathery Ink [Karasuno Manager Series]

➜ Pairing: Karasuno x Manager! Reader

➜ Warning: none

➜ Notes: This is a separate series from Crisp Leaves. Similar to Crisp Leaves, manager in this story will be portrayed as a girl. She will be tall. This is just my appreciation towards tall girls, you guys are amazing.

Previous:  ‹ VS Umbrella › | Next:  ‹ Celebration ›

↷ SUMMARY ↶

Last day of summer training camp is here!

For the first time, you’re kind of reluctant rising from the warm and comfortable futon you slept on. However, once you’re mind began to work and realizing yourself that you’re still in the training camp, you jolted awake almost instantly–removing the blanket and began tidying up.

Gathering your facewash and toothbrush to freshen up, you found yourself yawning in between–it’s not just you fortunately, because Yachi did the same.

“I’m sure you’re pretty tired, Hitoka-chan, [Name]-chan,” Shimizu giggled at both of you. “Are you two okay?”

“Yes! We’re sorry!” Yachi was quick to apologize for the both of you.

“Today’s the last day, so let’s do our best.”

“Right!” this time, you’re the one who answered her.

Yachi said she was going on ahead, and that left you still tidying up–you’re thinking of just packed everything because in the evening, you’re already be on your way back to Miyagi. That and Takeda-sensei informed the managers about something so you would have no time to pack freely. After you finished everything, you finally could freshen up and start the day.

Descending downstairs towards the women’s bathroom, you bumped into Kageyama who went to fetch on something he left behind.

“Oh, Kageyama-kun, morning.” You greeted.

“Morning, [Name]-san.” He replied with a nod.

“You seemed energetic, weren’t you practicing with Hitoka-chan the night before?”

“Oh, about that,” you could see the excitement glittering from his eyes, he definitely had good news to present because for the past few days the boy was frustrated. “The tosses finally worked. Coach Ukai gave me some directions and it worked.”

“Really? That’s great!” the excitement was infectious, alright. You knew Kageyama had been working extremely hard to make it successful and after days of failure, he finally nailed it–you were incredibly happy for him. “I can’t wait to see it!”

“If that dumbass could keep up that is,” the raven-haired boy them grumbled underneath his breath.

“Don’t worry, Shoyo-kun changed,” you assured him. “Him, you, and the whole team too. Even Tsukishima-kun. That’s why I can’t wait to see this new Karasuno and the new quick.”

“We will make that quick happen,” Kageyama stated without hesitation. “Because we want to go to the nationals.”

You smiled at him. “I have no doubt.”

.

.

“Uhm, not to be offensive, but,” you found your shoulders shook violently from you tried your best to withstand the urge to burst out laughing and rolling on the floor–it practically costed you your whole will to hold it. “Why are you drooling, Kageyama-kun?”

Yachi watched from the sidelines–you approached Kageyama to gave him his water bottle and from whatever you’re talking about with him, he seemed to be extremely embarrassed. Then the raved-haired boy proceeded to lean closer and whispered something beside your ear–which made Yachi squeaked.

“[Name]-chan and Kageyama-kun is quite close these days, right?” Shimizu suddenly said.

“Yes,” Yachi answered almost immediately. “[Name]-chan said Kageyama-kun asked for her advices and Kageyama-kun usually walked her home after club when it’s too dark.”

“Do you think something else happened between them?” Yachi couldn’t help but feeling fire engulfed her face instantly from Shimizu’s (not-serious) speculation.

“WHA-NO-HEEE!?”

“I’m just kidding, Hitoka-chan!” still, Shimizu pretty much enjoyed the extremely flustered girl’s reaction. “Oh, [Name]-chan, what did you talk about with Kageyama-kun?”

After distributing half of the water bottles, you jogged back to where Yachi and Shimizu stood. You tilted your head before snickering underneath your breath and answered. “He asked something about barbeque this afternoon.”

“How did he know!?” Yachi yelped because mainly the info was shared only between the coaches, who arranged the whole thing, and the managers, who’s in charge to prepare all the ingredients.

“Sawamura probably accidently eavesdropping the coach,” Shimizu pointed out, smiling. “By the way, Hitoka-chan shouldn’t you give the other half away?”

“I-I’M SORRY!!”

.

.

Final match for Karasuno was against Fukurodani–even from all the losses, the boys were still in high-spirits thanks to Sawamura’s short speech. You knew they wouldn’t be disappointed even though they loss so many matches because now they earned several new weapons for the preliminaries.

Through the match, you understood how Fukurodani is called a powerhouse–the players are skilled and knew the opportunities to score even when their receives a bit off. That and Akaashi truly lived up to his name as a setter in the line-up. Also, Bokuto’s insane angle of spikes were sights to see every time.

“That’s an insane cut shot,” Sugawara commented which made Yachi looked at him questioningly, thankfully Shimizu was ready with an explanation.

“Hitting at a sharp angle against three blockers is really tricky. It can be hard on your shoulders if they’re not flexible, too.”

“[Name]-chan, [Name]-chan! Did you see that!? Did you see my awesome cut shot!?” Bokuto called out way from the other side of the court, looking at you expectantly after he pulled-off the move. You glanced towards Sawamura in search of his approval to reply to the excited owl-captain, to which he nodded.

“I saw it!” You replied with a smile. “It’s amazing, Bokuto-san! Do you think you could hit like that again?”

“ANYTHING FOR [NAME]-CHAN!!”

You almost laughed at Akaashi’s look of disapproval, both at you and the owl captain and clearly sent the ‘don’t encourage him’ message to you indirectly. Surely, today’s match was filled with many surprises–Hinata’s feint attack, Kageyama’s unexpected dump, and even the one you’ve been waiting for; Hinata and Kageyama’s new quick. Both you and Yachi instantly screamed in pure glee–hugging each other in excitement.

“You did it! You did it!” Yachi even cheered and jumping. “Nice kill, Hinata! Kageyama-kun!”

“Nice toss, Kageyama-kun! Nice kill, Shoyo-kun! You two are amazing!” You added, grinning widely–the two have been practicing hard for three weeks, and those three weeks of cold-shoulder towards each other too. It was putting quite a strain but now, the two were finally back in action.

The two thrusted their fists to you and Yachi in reply–you two were probably the happiest ever currently.

And the excitement only lasts for a few minutes because they nailed it one time, but not so for another. Probably just luck, still it’s happiness though–they needed to practice more, however it wouldn’t be a problem for the two.

This also could be count as Karasuno’s lucky day–Nishinoya and Azumane’s back attack pulled off perfectly although it’s still out. The libero, of course, was very much frustrated. The synchro-attack worked and you swore Tanaka was crying out of happiness and relief because he could score comfortably.

“Tanaka-san, nice kill!” you cheered, which made him perked up and then laughing in victory.

“Thanks, [Name]-chan!”

From all the matches you’ve watched, Karasuno clearly made a difference in this one–they’re in their top shape. When the score reached 18 for either team, a technical timeout was commenced. Both you and Yachi immediately worked on distributing water bottles and towels.

“Good work, Tanaka-san, Nishinoya-san!” you said, handing them their water bottles.

“Ryu!” Nishinoya suddenly gripped his chest tightly. “Our manager just praises us!”

“I’m feeling blessed, Noya-san!” Tanaka replied, mimicking the libero–and here you thought the heat maybe started getting into them. You panicked for absolutely no reason and then decided to excuse yourself.

“Good work today, Tsukishima-kun,” Tsukishima nodded and muttered a thank you in reply, taking the water bottle from your hand.

“…Is there a way to make your finger stays in place while doing one-touch?” now you’re surprised because he made an attempt to ask first, however you didn’t let it show because you knew how it would piss him off.

“You could tape it to made it stiff enough to receive one-touch,” you suggested in the end. The taller boy hummed in reply before giving you the water bottle back so he could return to the match.

The next match wasn’t going well–for the other team that is. You noticed how Bokuto seemed to be agitated and rash with his moves–he almost hit his teammate with his serve, demanding tosses from Akaashi, and finally, third time’s the charm, when he failed scoring from hitting the net instead. Another score for Karasuno, who managed to turn the match to their favor for the leading score of 20.

“W-was that a block?” Yachi questioned.

“No…” Shimizu replied, rather taken aback by the event. “It didn’t seem to make it over the net, so it was spike miss,”

“Bokuto-san, I mean #4’s movement is also unnatural,” you commented, making the two managers turned to look at you. “He’s been rushing things and has been on the edge ever since the time-out.”

“Now that you’re talking about it…” Shimizu nodded in agreement.

“Akaashi, don’t toss to me anymore!” Bokuto exclaimed, which sounded extremely out of place in the middle of a volley match. Sure, it not only confuses you but your whole team even Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei.

“Do you know about this, [Name]-chan?” Yachi asked and you shook your head immediately.

“No, this is the first time I’ve seen Bokuto-san acts like that,” you answered. “And it looks like the team’s already used to this.”

True to your words, the team played like usual as if nothing happened–Bokuto only stared and follow the ball dazedly while the other working to attack and defend. What’s more amazing, with the lack of Bokuto’s participating they’re just as strong–something you would expect from a powerhouse school.

It caught your team off guard for a bit, however on the other hand, Tsukishima also wasn’t fazed a bit–could be seen from how he managed to shut out an incoming spike from #7. If Karasuno scored another, it would be deuce and a chance to turn the tables.

“Nice block, Tsukishima-kun!” you exclaimed, earning a glance and nod from the said boy.

When Asahi went for a usual serve rather than jump-serve, you understood he didn’t want to mess up their chance at winning. Fukurodani’s libero received in cleanly and Akaashi immediately went for a high-toss. Noticing how Tsukishima rushed towards the left, you knew your team lowered their guard.

“The left! Don’t let it open!” you yelled almost instinctively. Yachi’s soul jumped out of her body from your sudden loud voice, even Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei was taken aback for a few seconds. Bokuto blew the blocker away because they’re only 1.5 block, it’s not even enough to had a one-touch. He killed it with a straight shot down the court and Fukurodani won with two points leading.

Disappointment flared in your team���from the ones on the court, the ones watching from the sidelines, even Takeda-sensei. Coach Ukai could only sigh, Shimizu resumed with her notes, and Yachi felt her shoulders slumped. You smiled bitterly at the turn out events.

“Whoo! Ace!”

“You’re so cool!”

“Nothing beats the ace in the end!”

Fukurodani’s team members started throwing compliments and it made you blinked in confusion–moreover, Kaori and Yukie even jumped in to join.

“Birds of prey!”

“Your hair’s like a great-horned owl!”

Was that supposed to be a compliment…?

“Otohaku-san…!” the call was in a form of a hissed whisper and unexpectedly came from Akaashi himself. The message he sent to you was clear, ‘please, help us this time’–you replied indirectly with pointing to yourself with a look of disbelief present on your face.

‘Me!? What should I say!?’

‘Anything. Just praise him.’

Probably taking a bit pity for the setter, Sawamura nodded to your direction and gave you a smile of reassurance. You wanted to cry from how compassionate he’s being–bless his beautiful soul. That and the look of doneness and a little pleading from Fukurodani’s team was extremely hard to reject.

“Y-You’re amazing! Nothing less from top ace of Japan!” You wanted to slap yourself from the poor excuse of praise. Thankfully it seemed to work magic because Bokuto was instantly revived back to his cheerful and boisterous persona.

“I’m the best afterall!!” he cheered, laughing in victory. “Hey, hey, hey!”

Meanwhile, Akaashi took his sweet time to get off the court to fetch his drink and towel. Although, he did give you slight a bow of gratefulness. In the end, it’s losses all the way for Karasuno, however they acquired several weapons to fight on the national court–it’s not overall a loss because they also gained something new in exchange.

“[Name]-chan! I’m the best, right!?”

“You sure are, Bokuto-san.”

“Stop bothering Otohaku-san, Bokuto-san.”

[hotgirltarot]

Pick-A-Card: What's Blocking You From Finding True Love?! 🛑 💔 💌

Hello Baddies! Welcome to another Pick-A-Card! This PAC is about what is blocking you from finding your soulmate/twin flame. To pick a pile, you can meditate, intuitively choose one or pick whichever crystal is calling out to you. This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Please only take what resonates & leave what does not. If you like your reading and want to support our page, tips are appreciated at $DejaWash19 on Cashapp or Deja-Washington on Venmo!

Pile 1: Labradorite 💙

Pile 2: Rose Quartz 💗

Pile 3: Carnelian ❤️

Now that you have picked your pile, scroll down to see your reading! Remember, have fun and take these readings lightly. Let us know down below which pile you picked in the comments below! Reblog for others to get their message as well!

Pile 1: Labradorite 💙

Hello Pile 1, our little Hopeless Romantics! We are seeing that the people of this pile have a strong desire for true love and to find their soulmate. Your desire to be in love and find "the one" controls your mind and can lead to you obsessing over it. So what's blocking you from finding true love? Honestly, it's yourself. Your outlook on love is too focused on pleasing the other person and being the perfect someone for someone else, that you are forgetting yourself and what you want. Maybe you have noticed after a break up that you were the only one putting in any real effort. You were the one holding on to the relationship while your partner just lived their life and treated you like an option. This pile has the tendency to change themselves (looks, personality, clothes, how they talk) in order to impress/fit in with the person they are dating/interested in. You become actresses, and focus on their happiness over yours. You are so fearful of missing out on love that you are blocking yourself from it. Maybe some of you have been single for a while or feel like time is passing by, but it is never too late. Stop keeping your emotions, your burdens and your interests from your partners. Find someone who is as interested in you as you are in them. Also, stop giving your partners gifts/affection/attention/money that they are not reciprocating back to you. There are others of you that are constantly in the victim role. You are scared to speak up for yourself and stand your ground, in fear of turning off a potential partner, but the right person and true love for you, would never shy away from your feelings. Some of you have been dealing with a father figure or an ex who was obsessed with material things and was cold, uncaring, and unsupportive. This relationship has hurt you and made you have a hard time realizing what type of partner you actually want in your life because you think everyone is "better than them", so it makes it easier for you to lower your standards and get into relationships with people who don't have those traits. Even though they are different, it doesn't mean they are perfect. Don't settle for less and don't lower your standards for anyone. You have to rediscover what traits you want in a partner, write them down on paper, and manifest them.

Take time to focus on yourself! Focus on your health and being the best version of you mentally and physically. Connect with the Divine more because your spirit guides and the universe want to help you achieve your goals. Finding your Soulmate, true happiness and love are definitely in your future but you must put yourself first! Don't allow your love to fall into the wrong hands by being too impatient. Good things are coming to this pile soon, we promise it!

Tips are appreciated at $DejaWash19 on Cashapp or Deja-Washington on Venmo!

Pile 2: Rose Quartz 💗

Pile 2 is for the ones who have felt like they have lost their way. You guys may be questioning your path in life and have so many obstacles in your way that true love may not be a current focus in your life or it's not something you'll ever think you'll achieve. However, with time, major healing and major effort, you can turn around your situation and stop blocking yourself from finding true love. This pile has disconnected from the world in many ways. They have lost their identity, their power and relationships with loved ones. They have heavy trauma that sits on their soul and needs major healing - possibly stemming from absent mothers or abusive relationships. Mother wounds are heavy and require self-kindness and compassion. Pile 2, you must learn to love and accept yourself, just the way you are, imperfections and all. The more you do this, the more your inner critic will leave you alone. We must be honest, this healing isn't simple or an easy one, it will require hard, hard work, but success is possible.

Your ex-partners have tried to control you and be the leaders of your life, so much so, that you have lost yourself a little in them. You are so devoted and ready to drop every plan for your partners, and it's so disappointing and hurtful for you when your partners don't put in the same effort. You need to be more independent and focus on your path in life. Believe and trust the Universe, don't try to control the outcome by refusing to let go of the past. You are being invited to welcome the highs and the lows of your soul experience in this lifetime. Some people and situations come into your life to teach you a lesson, not to be in your life forever. Take this situation as an opportunity to expand and grow, do not focus on the negative side. You are capable of finding true love once you stop living in the past, ignoring healing and pushing forward with strength and fortitude. You must not run from your issues, but attack them head on so you can be healed enough to find someone else who is healed, not broken like your ex. Create a routine and stick to it. Stop living your life chaotically and without intention. Also, do things that make you happy and bring you happiness. In the next months, you will work through any repressed issues or insecurities to find new confidence and clarity. You will start attracting good people into your life who will be there for you, care for and respect you. New friendships are coming into your life who will help you when you are feeling down and show you how much you mean to them. These friendships will help you improve your self-confidence and find new hobbies. There is a lot of abundance coming into your life and you will successfully overcome your problems!

Tips are appreciated at $DejaWash19 on Cashapp or Deja-Washington on Venmo!

Pile 3: Carnelian ❤️

Pile 3 is for those who are dependable yet have extreme dependency on other people's opinions! For some of you, you are the rock of your friend groups, families or anyone around you, really. You give to those around you, both your time and effort, yet you struggle to receive the same treatment back. Do not let people come into your space and dump their crap all over you and then leave. You are not the dumping ground for everyone's problems and energetic baggage. Be careful with who you let into your space, as it affects you more than you think. You are blocking your true love by being too accessible to everyone around you and not having enough respect for yourself to protect your energy. Your life is running aimlessly as it focuses on other's issues rather than your own. You fear change and when you find yourself in a situation where the next move is less than ideal/unpredictable, you remain stagnant. You are scared to sacrifice what you already have in fear of the next option not being any better. But life is about learning from mistakes and living freely. Stop worrying over nothing. Stop allowing your families issues take over your life. You are the person everyone goes to when they have a problem, or need someone to talk to. You hide your emotional side and don't ask for help back because you fear they won't understand you or you don't want to burden them with your problems. Reach out to your friends and family when you need to talk about something or you need help in your life. Don't let your pride or desire to be seen as independent and the person who has it all figure it out get in the way. Deeper bonds can be created when you reach out and admit you don't have all the answers and need help. Asking someone for help is a big step in your emotional and spiritual growth.

Bring the focus back to your own life and make yourself a priority. You need to find balance in your career/school and spend time with yourself and taking care of yourself. Don't take on too much you will burn yourself out. You need to celebrate your victories and everything you have learned so far, you always move on to the next thing and don't enjoy your achievements. Celebrate yourself and others will follow suit! Pat yourself on the back when you can, small wins are still wins! The levels of prosperity in your life are going to increase significantly. Whether is money, good friends, a healthy mind and body. Make sure you don't forget to express gratitude, you have earned all of them but being thankful and showing gratitude is the best way to increase prosperity in our lives. There is a new love coming into your life, very very soon.

Tips are appreciated at $DejaWash19 on Cashapp or Deja-Washington on Venmo!

[tobesoalive]

latch (Sam Kiszka x reader)

hey guys here's the little Sam enemies to lovers smut that was requested! idc if it’s a bit cheesy, I had a ton of fun writing it so please please please send in more requests! I love helping your ideas come to life! 

Warnings: Smut (Oral-f and m receiving, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex)

Friday had finally rolled around and you were more than ready. After a long week of classes and work you were more than ready to have some fun tonight. You and your roommates were going to have some people over tonight to celebrate your second year of college almost being over. You had come up with the idea last weekend and quickly made a list of who all should be invited. There was one person on the guest list that you were dreading to see, no other than Samuel Kiszka.

You had met a kid named Danny Wagner in your first class freshman year, and you two became fast friends, sharing many of the same interests and hobbies. Together you and Danny were a dynamic duo, and you always made each other laugh. People often thought you were dating, but he already had a beautiful girlfriend back home. Danny also had another person constantly attached at his hip, Sam Kiszka, you’d almost think they were the ones dating.

Sam was a lanky kid with sharp features and an extremely annoying god complex. He really thought he was the absolute shit and that everyone was in awe of him. Quite honestly many people were, but you saw right through it. You found him to be arrogant and rude, and you were always disappointed to see him when you went over to Danny’s place, even though he was his roommate. Sam would often show up unannounced at your place too, mostly with Danny, but a couple of times he showed up alone. You were always polite, inviting him in like the good host you are, and you two ended up watching a movie together, and much to your surprise, in these times he was almost tolerable. Almost. He would make a snide remark or joke that would infuriate you, but he wouldn’t stick around for long, usually having somewhere to be. That somewhere was usually the bed of another girl, but they probably didn’t just watch movies.

That was another reason you couldn’t stand Sam. Last year you had a crush on him and he would do the thing where he would play with your emotion, hang out with you and flirt with you only to immediately go and fuck random girls. It hurt you, a lot, but you eventually got over it, losing the romantic feelings, or rather pushing them deep down where you’d hope they’d never surface again.

Now people were going to be at your house in an hour and you haven't even showered. It didn’t really matter though, you weren’t all too concerned with what other people thought of your appearance, so what if your hair was a little wet. You quickly rinsed off in a cold shower, then changed into a simple outfit for the night, flared corduroys and a crocheted tank top.

That was the other thing, you’d think you were exactly Sam’s type, he seemed like he would be into girls who were more artistic and down to earth, but all the girls he hooked up with seemed like they spent most of their time thinking about themselves. Not that there was anything wrong with those girls, you weren’t the “pick me” type, but it seemed like Sam would care about that kind of thing. Whatever, you don’t even like him anyways, he’s more of a nuisance than anything.

You had finished a seltzer by the time people started arriving, the playlist you and your roommates curated playing throughout the apartment. Being with your friends always made you very energetic, and people always said they liked being around you. You could get a crowd laughing in no time. People were coming through the doors and when there were about 75% of the people there, your partner in crime finally arrived. “Wagner!” you shouted across the room in a dumb accent, already a little buzzed. “Where art thou good friend?!” Danny yelled back, matching your accent as you two finally made your way to each other, wrapping him in a friendly embrace. “Where’s your obnoxious sidekick?” you whispered into his ear.

“Don’t worry he’s here. I know how you were just dying to see him.”

“Oh aren’t I always?” you responded with a sarcastic smile

“I still think you need to give him a chance, you’d probably really like him.”

Before you could even respond, he was running up behind Danny and lifting him up by his waist.

“Well if it isn’t dumb and dumber!” you exclaim before Sam comes up and wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Oh come on (y/l/n), you love me!”

“Haha good one Kiszka, now why don’t we do something I actually love.”

“And what would that be?” Danny questions.

“Take a shot and dance our asses off!” you yell. If you were going to deal with Sam you needed to be a little more intoxicated.

You gathered your roommates and the boys and took them to the kitchen and got out the glasses.

“To friendship!” you yelled

Right then you caught danny say something quietly, and it looked like he was saying “Or more than friendship”

That made you stop for a second before throwing your head back and downing the shot.

“Ok let's get back out there” your roommate says as she pulls you by the arm.

You spend about the next half hour dancing with all your friends, taking hits of joints and drinking. You and Danny did a silly little dance you had come up with last year when you would get drunk in your dorms and do dumb shit. Mid-routine he slipped and pulled you down with him, both of you laughing your asses off. You felt someone grab your arm and help you up as the song changed, “Latch” by Sam Smith blasting through the speakers, one of the best party songs probably ever. The person who had grabbed you wrapped their arms around your waist, swaying back and forth with you to the music. You loosened the stranger’s grip and spun around only to be met with the face of that little shit, Sam.

“C’mon kid can’t you at least try to tolerate me for one song”

“Who ever said you were intolerable?” you respond, admiring how the dim light highlighted his features.

He leaned in close to your ear and lowly whispered in it “You think I can’t see it. Whenever you’re around me you act like it’s charity work.”

You pull back to look him in the eyes and say “It wasn’t always that way. Now let's get back to what we were doing. I like this song more than I like you, which is quite a lot.”

He gives you a grin before you start moving your body against him, and by the end of the song he’s staring at you in complete awe.

Once the song ended you broke free from his grasp. “See you later Kiszka” you say with a wink, turning around and disappearing into the crowd.

Your stomach was in knots, and not from disgust. The moment you just had brought up a lot of emotions, mostly about your romantic feelings for Sam but also the resentment you felt towards him. Fuck, you were in deep now. Things would be so much easier if you never had to see him again and all of this could go away. But alas, you needed to suck it up so you could still have a close relationship with Danny. Plus in about twenty minutes Sam would probably be grinding on another girl. Screw it, you were going to have a good time with your friends, you didn’t need Sam to be happy.

The rest of the night you avoided Sam, giving him zero of the attention he was craving. A couple hours later people were leaving your home or asleep somewhere in the living room, bathroom, kitchen you name it. Thankfully though, your room remained empty, you needed some space to think.

Everyone was asleep and the house was quiet, you threw on a pair of boxer shorts and an oversized Led Zeppelin shirt, passed down to you from Danny. You went to the kitchen and drank probably a gallon of water, making one last pit stop to the bathroom to pee and brush your teeth. No matter how tired you felt you knew you'd thank yourself in the morning. Finally you were on the way back to your room when you stopped in the doorway. Sam was standing in there, looking at all your decorations and your extensive vinyl collection.

“You’ve changed some stuff since the last time I was here”

“Yeah, I like to rearrange stuff y'know? keep it new and interesting.” You remarked, rubbing the back of your neck and yawning, trying to hide your obvious panic. This is the last thing you were hoping for, being confronted one on one with the man himself.

“Are you cool if I stay here tonight? Daniel is passed out on the couch and I don’t feel like making the walk home alone.”

“Of course...did you want to sleep in here?” you ask before you could even stop the words from coming out of your mouth. Fuck, you were a dumbass.

“If that’s okay with you, sleeping next to a stranger wouldn’t be my first choice.”

“You never had a problem being in a stranger’s bed before” you mumbled, looking at the floor.

He didn’t say anything, just turned his head to stare at you for a second, his eyes seeming almost apologetic.

“Well you might as well get comfortable” you tell him as you turn off the lights and flick the lamp on.

“Do you have a shirt I could borrow? I don’t really wanna sleep in jeans and a sweaty shirt.”

“Would you like an old one of Danny’s or one of mine?” you tease him, grabbing out yet another old band shirt of his roommate’s.

While he’s changing you turn away and busy yourself with lighting some incense and pulling the covers back, to avoid seeing his bare torso.

“Can I throw on a record? I can never get to sleep in the silence.”

“Help yourself” you say, but he already has a selection in his hands, Michigan by Sufjan Stevens, one of your favorites.

“Wonderful choice, but I imagine you’re a bit biased.” you say to him, both he and Danny were from the same town in Michigan and had to let everyone know.

“I just wanted something calm and serene, compared to all the fast paced stuff we’ve been blasting for the whole night.”

“Well it was a party Samuel, you have to give the people what they want” you tell him as you climb into bed.

Sam grabs for one of the pillows and a blanket, but you stop him.

“Were you gonna sleep on the floor like a dog? I don’t give a shit whether or not we share the bed.”

“I just assumed...I didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable...or anything.”

“You might be surprised by this but I actually feel pretty safe around you” you confess to him. Fuck, you were still slightly intoxicated so your filter was off. It’s okay, he was still a little drunk too it seemed.

“Do you mind if I take my pants off?” he asks you with a sincere look on his face.

You can’t help but burst out laughing, finding his awkwardness and the absurdity of the comment quite hilarious.

“I’d prefer it to your rough jeans...as long as you’re wearing underwear.”

“C’mon I’m not that much of a freak” he says as he pulls down his zipper and clumsily kicks his pants off.

You couldn’t help but stare for a moment, he looked gorgeous quite honestly, long hair tangled, old shirt hanging off his shoulders and shark boxer briefs stopping at his mid thigh.

“Okay Kiszka, get in here before I change my mind.”

He pulls back the sheets and crawls in, laying his head on the pillow facing you.

“I’m sorry” he says, looking deeply in your eyes, seeming almost ashamed.

“About what?” you knew you shouldn’t feed into this, whatever was going on here was completely platonic and wouldn’t mean anything in the morning.

“Everything. Being such a dick to you. Leading you on. I promise that’s not me, I just, I honestly don’t know how to act around you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re just the one person who actually kinda intimidates me. Or at least my feelings for you intimidate me.” he sighs.

“Is that why you are always fucking other girls and telling people about it when I’m around?”

“God you’re not going to take it easy on me, are you?”

“Why should I?”

“You shouldn’t. With the way I’ve treated you I honestly don’t expect anything from you, I just couldn’t hold it in any longer and I thought this was as good of a time as any.”

“Sam, can I be honest with you?”

“Of course”

“I actually don’t hate you at all like you seem to think. I can’t stand you because I really do like you, but I gave up on anything happening a long time ago.”

“Well you did a pretty good job of hiding it” he says, moving a little closer to you to the point where your noses were almost touching, the feeling of his breath giving you goosebumps. The music hummed softly in the background as you thought for a second.

“Sam don’t hate me but we’re both kinda drunk and I don't wanna do anything right now. I wanna be there for it, like fully there.”

“I was actually hoping you’d say that. I wanna take in every detail and remember it all. You’re not just another drunken hookup.”

You can’t help but give a soft smile, your cheeks going red.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t be opposed to a bit of cuddling”

“Neither would I” he says as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you in close as you bury your head in his chest, taking in his scent.

Something overtakes you, and you tilt your head up and press a soft kiss to his collarbone.

“Goodnight Samuel”

“Goodninght kid” he whispers, pressing his lips to the top of your head, and you can feel him breathing in your scent as well, elated to finally feel wanted.

********************************************************************************************************

You wake up to sunlight streaming through your curtains, turning to look at your clock but instead being met with Sam’s chest.

You were sober enough last night to remember everything that happened, Sam’s feelings for you coming to light and vice versa. It made you almost giddy with excitement, not being able to wait until his eyes opened.

You played with his hair, running your fingers through it and moving it from his neck, replacing it with your lips. Soon enough he’s stretching his arms and yawning.

“Any reason you needed to wake me up at 7 am?” he asked you, looking down at you as the pad of his thumb brushed across your cheek.

“Just couldn’t wait to see you I guess”

“That's a first” he says sarcastically, once again staring deep into your eyes.

You could hear the birds singing outside and a refreshing spring breeze made its way into your room through the open window.

You stared at each other for a second longer before he whispered “Can I?”

You nodded your head yes and he dipped his head down to capture your lips in a kiss. It started off sweet and then your lips started moving in a rhythm, his hands grabbing your legs and pulling you onto his lap. He kept kissing you as your tongue made its way into his mouth, causing his hips to buck up into you. You pulled back and let out a soft sigh, basking in the feeling of him growing hard against your core. He took this as an opportunity to attach his lips to your neck, sucking at the delicate skin and leaving little nips.

“Can I take this off?” you ask him, hands grabbing at the hem of his shirt.

“Please” he groans against your neck.

You pull it off and instantly your hands run along the expanse of his smooth skin, admiring every freckle and mole, fingertips brushing across his nipples. You pull your hands away to pull your own shirt off, blushing a bit, slightly embarrassed to show yourself to him. He takes a moment to stare at the newly exposed skin, pulling you down into a kiss a moment later and mumbling “You’re absolutely stunning” into your lips.

“You’re not too bad yourself” you say with a smile spreading across your face, quickly losing it as you bite your lip when he starts to move his hips once again, his bulge rubbing deliciously against your already wet core.

“I need more of you” he grunts, obviously frustrated.

You tangle your hands in his hair and pull his head back a bit, looking down into his eyes before saying “then have me”, pulling him into a kiss.

In a swift movement he flips you both over, kneeling with his legs on either side of you.

“These need to come off” he says, tugging at the waistband of the boxers you slept in. As he pulled them off and the cold air hit your core, you couldn’t help but drink all of him in, admiring just how gorgeous he looked, as if he was sculpted by the gods himself. That moment ended when you felt his middle finger run lightly up and down your slit. You threw your head back and closed your eyes, concentrating on the feeling of his skin on yours.

“Please Sammy, I need you” you say, surprised at yourself for using that nickname with him.

He looks at you and smiles before lowering his gaze to your dripping cunt, furrowing his brows as he pushes his long finger inside of you. You mewl as he pushes it down to the last knuckle, letting you adjust for a moment before starting to slowly pump in and out.

“Fuck you’re tight. So much better than I imagined.”

“So you’ve thought about this before?” You smirk at him, turning your eyes to look at the sight of his finger pumping in and out.

“Quite a lot actually, I’ve thought a lot about how you taste too” he says before readjusting himself so his head is buried in between your thighs. It only takes a second for his tongue to find your clit as he inserts another finger and starts to pump a little faster.

“Fuck you’re good at this” you say as you let out a breathy moan, hands once again finding their way into his hair. That causes him to moan around your clit, sending vibrations through your whole body. You don’t know how much longer you’d be able to last, with Sam lapping at you like it’s his last meal.

You pull his hair, forcing his lips to part from your sensitive bud, pulling him into a sloppy kiss.

“I wanna taste you too” you say before getting up and kneeling on the floor in front of your brd, motioning him to sit with his legs over the side, facing you. You look up at him as you pull his boxers down, length hitting his stomach. You take a second to admire it, with its pink head, a large vein running up the bottom. It was a nice length, with quite a bit of girth to it, surrounded by a small patch of pubic hair. As you wrapped your hand around it you said “not to be weird or anything but your dick is gorgeous”, causing him to let out a light laugh that was quickly stifled when you wrapped your head around the tip of his cock. His fingers intertwined with your hair, lightly pulling it, not forcing you down on his dick like some guys do. You gently moved your head up and down, taking as much of him as you could in your mouth and using your hand to stroke the rest.

“Fuck I need to be inside of you” he groans, tugging at your hair, causing you to pull your mouth off his dick with a small pop.

“Can I ride you?” you question as you make your way back onto the bed.

“Fuck yes, I can’t promise how long I’ll last though” he says, pulling you in for another kiss as you line him up up with your entrance. You run his tip along your slit a few times before slowly starting to lower yourself down, taking your time to adjust to his size. Once he’s fully sheathed inside of you, he throws his head back, letting out a guttural moan.

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good, I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

“So have I” you say before starting to slowly move yourself up and down on him.

It’s lazy and sweet, not perfect or anything, but nothing about this situation really was. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Fuck” he remarks as he grabs your hips, fingers sinking into your skin,helping you move up and down on his delicious cock.

“You fill me up so perfectly, god you feel so good”

“I guess it was meant to be baby” he says with a grin, putting his fingers in his mouth then moving them down to rub circles around your clit.

“Fuck Kiszka, if you keep taht up I’m gonna cum.”

“That was my goal, I’m close too” he breathes out as he buries his head in your neck.

You clutch the back of his head as you start to move yourself up and down faster, fucking yourself on his cock.

“Fuck Sam I’m gonna cum”

“Me too babe, where do you want me to?” he asks shakily.

The only word you can muster out is “Inside” as you approach your peak, clenching around him once more before tipping over the edge.

It’s complete bliss as you ride out your high, feeling him give one last deep thrust into you before coating your walls with his warm ropes of seed.

You collapse against him, nuzzling your head into his neck, pressing sloppy open mouthed kisses as you both catch your breath.

He pushes your hair to the side, leaving his lips on your temple while he remains sheathed inside you.

“Thank you” he says, still regaining his breath and returning to reality.

“Don’t leave me” you say softly into his ear.

“I wouldn’t for the world, don’t you worry kid.”

You sit up and look into his soft brown eyes, taking in how much things have changed in the past few hours.

“I don’t hate you. Not in the least. I just hated the idea of not being with you.”

“Same here, but we don’t have to feel that anymore. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. You deserve the world, and I want to try my hardest to give it to you.”

“Thank you Samuel, I’ll try to do the same.”

You give him one last long kiss before pulling back, pushing his hair behind his ear and saying “C’mon loverboy, let’s go get some breakfast.”