#encapsulates the whole idea lolol

[esta-elavaris]

hhhhh I love that it's giving me this

OKAY the dissertations will have to wait for a distant day, but I'll say right now that I really don't understand your friend's thinking, because they are behaving logically. Like you're dead on with what you said about how from a plot perspective they push things forward, but there's absolutely logic in there too. Maybe she doesn't agree with that logic, but you can absolutely see the reasoning of these two men in particular and understand how they came to their conclusion.

(Warning, ahead lies a ridiculous ramble just of what immediately came to mind upon reading that lolol.)

Norrington's most "unreasonable" movie is DMC, but like? He's been raised by an insanely rigid father, in an insanely rigid system (according to novelisations - I haven't read them, only wiki summaries) that doesn't allow a whole lot of room for grey areas. The one time, the one time he deviates and goes off-book (not immediately pursuing Jack after he escapes), he loses everything. For characters that don't ultimately care at all about that fact, save Elizabeth, who at least shows a bit of sympathy.

He learns two things then - it's every man for himself, and when he deviates from "British good, pirates bad" he loses everything. Compounded with anger against Jack, because he views him (honestly more or less fairly) as the root of it all, of course he's going to be pissed, and fighting tooth and nail to win it all back. "Fuck over the person who encapsulates everything you view as wrong with the world and win it all back" is a deal nobody would ever turn down.

Then, in the third movie, his learning that Beckett had Elizabeth's father killed and then "choosing a side" is pretty much, in my mind, similar to Boromir taking a stand and defending Merry and Pippin after his lapse. He realises just how bad Beckett is, how wrong he was in that former decision re: who is bad and who is good, and he acts accordingly. But he feels there's no life for him beyond what he's already in, because although Beckett has fucked the navy for his own uses, he still loathes the pirates, even if he can now at least see that they're not the villains in this particular fight. So it's logical to him that he stays. Elizabeth tries to convince him, but he knows she loves Will - she chose him enough times.

On the Tolkien side of things, Boromir's thinking makes so much sense if you put yourself in his shoes. He's a military man. He's seen what Mordor can do. In what world would a weapon so powerful the Enemy is doing everything they can to get it back not be useful? He hasn't seen everything we've seen, or even anything the likes of Gandalf and Elrond have seen, nor what's been explained to Frodo.

He's being shown the Ring, and being told "everything hinges on this insanely powerful weapon - but we won't use it, we'll just get rid of it" and thinking not only maybe of how much surer victory would be if they could harness the power of the Ring (a thought no doubt bolstered by the Ring's influence), but of how many lives could be saved if their using the Ring puts an end to the Enemy far sooner than typical combat might. Not only that, but the plan of the Council is to walk the fucking Ring back to Sauron. In what world is that a good strategy, especially to someone who has no way of knowing better.

And despite ALL of that, he relents to the counsel of others and agrees to help in the quest to destroy it. When many, I think, would throw their hands up and say "fine, destroy it, but it's a terrible idea and you can do it without my help besties". Not only that, but he KNOWS the risks of the quest and still agrees to help. He doesn't pretend he's thrilled by the concept, but honestly you can't ask for more than what he does, and not many would give what he did.

Boromir's only really illogical moment that I can think of is when he snaps and tries to take the Ring from Frodo, but Frodo himself says it best in that scene. "You are not yourself." That was more the Ring than Boromir, and we see that when we see how crushed he is when he's jolted back into his right mind and realises what he's done.

I think the funniest thing so far that has come out of me rewatching and reading LOTR for your fic is that I’m finally starting to wrap my head around it all. There are still a lot of things that still confuse me but I’m like, starting to get it. Feel like I’m a 5th grader shoved into 11th grade history sometimes but yknow what I’m gonna get through it

Also indeed Boromir CAN get it. I totally forgot everything about him with the ring and it makes me excited to see what you do with him hehe

You've caught me, the fic isn't a fic but actually some subtle pro-Boromir propaganda to save folk from falling into the trap of viewing him as a villain in the early stages of becoming So Normal about this series.

But NO, honestly, confession time? I did not like the movies the first time around (I hadn't read the books) when I was 13. Like, I thought they were crap. I think because I watched them with friends so it's never the same as fully immersing yourself into something? Then I couldn't get them out of my head and watched them again a week later on my own and uhhhh now I am like this. So I'm honoured to be dragging you back into them! It's how I make my amends for being so woefully wrong all those years ago.

I think what's nice about how much it can be to take in, especially with the books, is that after you just roll with it and stop being stressed out about not understanding some parts, it adds so much repeat value for later? Like each time you watch/read you pick up something new or understand new bits that you just had to gloss over last time, it's lovely.

God, the whole thing with him being affected by the Ring is going to be rough, though. Like things aren't exactly sunny now, but it's going to be so sad - like at least with Norrington, when things started getting grim and dark he had his faculties about him and could think somewhat clearly 90% of the time? Whereas this is just sad.

[samsspambox]

(⌒▽⌒)☆ hi sam! So 4 the 2 truths & 1 lie I think the lie is the aerospace one just bc, & the other ask game, I think a fic I'd wish youd write about(sorry if Im wrong I dont remember) anything that has gwendolyn in it I love her so much( ´ ▽ ` ) or maybe ur interpretation of Artems old beta card where it looks like mc is leaving him in the rain, that's all have a good day! (About the last I sent in in the dead of night haha sorry (*ﾉ▽ﾉ)

hi cutie!! how you been?? god those asks were a trip and a half to find but i found them!!

actually the lie is being able to see jwst before launch and that they all happened in high school!

the aerospace firm one DID happen when i was in hs (i had to be escorted by security for an interview it was so cool) but happened mostly bc they got back to me late. i've written some base code but that happened in my first year of college! was fun lmaoo

i am slightly salty that i didn't get to see jwst when some of my peers did get to,,, but my childhood friend gave me a pin they stole from there so eh fuck it LOL

as for the fic ask! i can give you some bullet points rq!! god gwen was so fun to write maybe i should make a sequel

i'm pretty sure the first order of business for vyn once gwen gets freed of all legal bindings would be to celebrate

the rest of the nxx would definitely be on board with it too!! they do ask gwen what she wants tho and well... she's never been to an arcade before

so they go to a dave and busters-esque place (which is basically just a big arcade with adult level games)

artem makes them all eat his dust at the basketball free throws

vyn and gwen get stupid high scores in ddr and somehow get a crowd around them

racing games are luke's dominion and fucking dominates them all

marius and lyra get really competitive in the ball drop games but they're not good at them lolol

marius somehow finds a way to finance the whole trip even though everyone doesn't want him to

they all pitch in and give gwen their tickets and she picks the gaming console which has everyone very surprised but they brush it off quickly

they end up taking photo booth pictures in the end

very found family of them but also they get to know gwen better too 🥺

thank you for the ask!!! i hope you have a really good day!!!

[diabolikpersonals]

Thoughts on the Yuma Vs. Subaru Boxing Match

OK OK! One more thing, before I stop annoying people with sports facts!! Also, I’m gonna submit this so it doesn’t come in like 20 question parts.

SO, if Subaru and Yuma were going to fight, I have headcanons about their fighting styles. (Let’s ignore that they probably wouldn’t be in the same weight class.) So Yuma, DEFINITELY a brawler. These are your people like John L. Sullivan or Jack Dempsey. Brawlers are known for their strength and endurance. They can hit hard and take as good as they give. They’re the kinda guys who’ll walk into a punch just so they can get close enough to punch back. They’re durable is what I’m getting at. Subaru, on the other hand, would be a stylist. I think if he was in his proper weight class he’d probs be a brawler too, but against Yuma this strategy just wouldn’t work. Yuma’s got four inches on him, so that means he has longer arms. Subaru couldn’t get close enough to throw the really hard punches. So he has to improvise. Stylists are your men like “Gentleman” Jim Corbett or Muhammad Ali, your “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee” guys. What they lack in utter power they make up for in blocking and dodging ability. They dance around the ring looking for openings to strike. Precision hitters. Flexible. Now if they were going to fight, one style isn’t objectively better than the other. It’d be a toss up that’d depend on a variety of factors. I think the biggest one would be if Yuma could adapt to Subaru’s style. Historically, brawler types have had some difficulty with stylists, especially in older matches. You’ve gotta understand, boxing was a MAN’S sport, even more so than other sports, so it was really, really encouraged/appreciated by audiences when men could just take a beating and keep on going. Like, there are literally instances where men ended up drowning in their own blood due to injuries sustained from fighting and dropping dead in the ring, because they just REFUSED to give up. (Keep in mind this was like 19th century boxing, not modern, much more heavily regulated for safety boxing.) Boxing could also be used as a tool to prove one’s masculinity to a wider audience. One of the major reasons Jewish men took to boxing was because they were so often stereotyped as being weak. And of course, a core tenant of masculinity, is being able to take pain and keep going. Due to these and other factors, the brawling style was the most popular for a very long time. Some critics didn’t even think the stylist approach was real boxing. Anyway, when you’ve been brawling your whole life and fighting other brawlers, sometimes it can be a little difficult to switch up your own fighting style to counteract a new opponent. When John L. Sullivan lost his 10 year long heavy weight championship, it was to “Gentleman” Jim Corbett, a stylist boxer who wore a pompadour! Do you have any idea of how ‘effeminate’ a hairstyle a pompadour was in 1892? It was a similar case for Jack Dempsey when he lost to Gene Tunney, another brawler losing to a stylist. So with that in mind, my money’s probably on Subaru??? But tbh, I’m not very familiar with modern boxing techniques. I just know about the history. However, do not be saddened Yuma fans! Even if Subaru might win the match, Yuma would probably win the glory. Again, because of boxing’s relationship to masculinity, brawlers were just historically more popular and beloved than stylists. I mean, John L. Sullivan was America’s first national sports hero, not just in boxing, but in any sport. Literal poems were written about him like he was some mythic, Olympian demigod. Everyone loved him, even after his defeat, because he just perfectly encapsulated what Americans at that time wanted in a sports hero. Sullivan was the son of Irish immigrants who pulled himself up his own bootstraps, through merit and grit, to become the heavy weight champion of the world. He regularly hung out with his fans in bars and never separated himself from the people he came from, unlike what modern sports celebrities do. Heck, he had a cross-country promotion tour where any Joe-Schmo could challenge him, and if they lasted three rounds they won money. It’s such a, for lack of a better term, American thing to do. And their love for him continued even after his defeat. In a scene that I swear came straight out of a movie, after he lost the match Sullivan went to the side of the ring and raised his hand. The crowd fell silent. And he uttered the famous words,“Gentlemen, gentlemen, I have nothing at all to say. All I have to say is that I came into the ring once too often – and if I had to get licked I’m glad I was licked by an American. [Boxing at this time had very nationalist connotations of strength relating to world power.] I remain your warm and personal friend, John L. Sullivan.” And Jack Dempsey uttered the even more famous,“Honey, I forgot to duck,” line after his own defeat. Which was so famous Ronald Reagan echoed the words to his own wife after surviving an assassination attempt, and these words endeared Dempsey to the public like you wouldn’t believe!!! Very effective!!!

After Dempsey’s defeat the public continued to follow him through his ultimately unsuccessful comeback as he re-challenged the champion that he had lost the heavy weight title to. And in his post-boxing career, he opened up a restaurant in NYC where people could just come in and have a chat with a former champion. Again, like Sullivan, and probs like Yuma would do, he never separated himself from the common man. So for brawlers, even in defeat, their sheer masculinity, cult of personality, and humility make them very endearing to the public. On the other hand, Yuma might still have a chance at victory against Subaru if he can get some harsh punches in strategic locations. For Subaru, he’d probably want to aim for Yuma’s torso. A lot of people underestimate just how effective a gut punch is. But for Yuma, he’d want to aim straight for the head, particularly the eyes for the forehead. If he can open up a wound on Subaru and have the blood leak down into the eyes, it’ll cause a severe disadvantage for his opponent. Eyesight is important in all sports, but it’s literally a strategy in boxing to attack the eyes. Either by punching them enough to get them to swell or having blood seep into them from a wound. If you wanna go really, really old school when boxing matches were held outside and the styles were really primitive, it was a strategy to get your opponent to face the sun so that he couldn’t see as well. So I think it’d be in Yuma’s best interest to aim for the eyes. That or he can just knock Subaru out. So anyway, that’s my two cents on the Yuma vs Subaru match. Thanks for reading along and/or sorry for cluttering your dash with boxing history.

WAHHHHH...whenever yuma and subaru fight in canon, it usually ends up in a draw :D this was super interesting to read. I like it cuz I know that yuma and subaru would be super into it lolol

[halcyoncoast]

So I started reading the Captive Prince series...

...and I was engaged enough to currently be in the middle of Book 3 (mostly because I was bored and I need a longish series to tidy me over) but as a whole I am thoroughly disappointed. I have heard many great things about this series (from Tumblr mostly) over the past few years, but when I read it for myself I found it mediocre at best.

That’s not to say it doesn’t have some good qualities here and there. I like the character dynamics. Well, like is perhaps the wrong word, I can’t look away from the general fuckery between the characters the same way one can’t look away from a trainwreck, although by the middle of the third book I have grown very tired of Laurent’s toxic little games and I want very bad things to happen to him. And yes, I am fully spoiled about his backstory. I am still tired of his characterization. Being around a person like that day in and day out would be exhausting. Being in a relationship with him sound self-destructive at best. Damen is okay as a character, there’s nothing particularly original about him, but he doesn’t grate, so yay?

But let’s get to the part that really floored me for a book that has been so very lauded by my dashboard in the past few years. I would say the world-building is atrocious, but that would be very unfair. For world-building to be atrocious there needs to be world-building to begin with. There are some vague noises about Damen’s people being based on the Ancient Greeks and Laurent’s sound very vaguely French-like, but beyond that we’ve got nothing. Well, okay, we know Vere people like clothes that cover them up and have many strings and Akielos warriors strut around mostly naked and Vere slaves, pardon “pets” (who are slaves but have contracts? hmm?), wear lots of jewelry while the Akielos ones are in see-through garbs, but that’s about it.

Architecture? Wat architecture? “Heavily decorated” is not a description. It’s an avoidance of description.

Armor? Weapons? Wat’s dat? The entirety of the second book was spent in war camps and the like and yet I am still not sure what their armor is made of. Steel? Leather? Bronze? It took to the MIDDLE of that book to be mentioned their swords were made of steel. (Fascinating, considering that half of the mentioned cultures are based on Ancient Greece). What kind of swords? Roman-like swords? Zweihanders? Rapiers? “Sword” and “armor” are not accurate or even remotely interesting descriptions. How those weapons are actually used is even more vague - lots of flowery descriptions of Laurent’s obnoxiously omniescient intelligence used in combat that actually says nothing of substance. In book 3 we suddenly find out that the Akielos people use short swords and long swords, but how that fits their culture and combat style is, as usual, a giant ?????

Frankly, as I mentioned more than once, I am in the middle of Book 3 and I still haven’t gotten a proper description of the climate of that world beyond it very vaguely sounding WARM. I don’t think there has been a single incidence of rain. I wonder what grows there in the absence of precipitation so they can eat it. I won’t even bother with the idea of irrigation, lolol. But since there’s no description of food beyond “meat”, “bread”, “candied nuts” and wine we’ll never know.

The overall impression is that the author is exceedingly lazy. If “sloth” requires a picture next to it in the dictionary we can stick Pacat’s picture next to it. She avoided doing any sort of research that was required to build a pseudo-historical setting. And, frankly, in my book that is a cardinal fucking sin because if I’ll be reading a period book I want to read a period fucking book. If it was just about the gay drama between a pair of pretty boys I can go over to AO3 and get my fill of that - and I’ll probably find stories that have been written with more effort and care about the world they’re set in. The difference would be that those authors didn’t get paid to do it.

Here are two excerpts from Book 1 and Book 2 that, out of all the lack of world-building really struck me as obnoxious and really encapsulate Pacat’s sheer world-building laziness:

As for the room, everywhere he looked his eyes were assaulted with ornamentation. The walls were overrun by decoration. The wooden doors were delicate as a screen and carved with a repeated design that included gaps in the wood; through them you could glimpse shadowy impressions of what lay on the other side.

Gaps in the wood. That’s the very best she could do. Wood with holes. Kill me now.

And also:

The townships and villages that they passed, speckling the hills, took on a different aspect: long, low rooftops and other architectural hints that were unmistakably Vaskian.

“Other architectural hints” Girl. Wat? What other architectural hints? If you can’t be arsed to write about it why should I be arsed to care?!

And speaking of AO3, let’s get to the porn erotica. In that regard I found these books just as disappointing as in almost every other regard. Tame, boring, not descriptive enough, yawn-worthy. Once again, you’re going to find better porn erotica on AO3. PS. It’s fascinating how the occasional hetero sex is far more descriptive than the gay one. For a supposed gay erotica series there is a fascinating amount of descriptions of big tits and female nipples.

I’m still probably going to finish book 3 - mostly because I like finishing things that I’ve started - and because I will probably hope that bad things will happen to Laurent to the very end, but I can just tell I’ll be disappointed. But then again, I am used to that feeling when it comes to this series so I am sure I will get over it. :)

[yakumtsaki]

Take your hands off me, I don't belong to you, you see, and take a look at my face for the last time, I never knew you, you never knew me, say hello.. ♪

WAVE GOODBYE. 

WHADDUP PPL. Much like Ronroneo, we’re back from the dead and ready for a whole new generation of Union fuckery. We’re also officially.. drumroll.. MIDDLE CLASS. Our shiny new house is based on this one by frottana-sims​, which I downloaded but dumbassly forgot to install, and since loading the game takes a hot half-hour I opted for this poor recreation instead. We start the extreme home makeover with an incredible budget of..

...Yea, I see the value of getting 6 pets to the top of their careers now. Included in this insane sum is the 20k+ that Wyatt and Jojo brought with them moving in, and at first I’m worried that we’re way too rich for only generation 2. Well, careful what you wish for, cause here’s our post-remodeling budget:

LMAO. It’s as if not a day has passed since Vic started this legacy with a dream in her heart and crap to her name. Let’s check out the new digs!

Everything was purple.. his pills.. his hands.. his foyer. 

As eagle-eyed readers may observe, both the hall and the living room were designed with nothing else in mind but whether they matched our cat paintings. Per legacy rules I use as little cc as possible, which isn’t that hard since I feel this bizarre, angular and hugely impractical couch really encapsulates Jojo’s essence. Like if he was a servant in Beauty and the Beast this would be his furniture form.

Apparently the only things I deemed important enough to capture were the cat portraits, so it looks like my Komeization is finally complete! Here’s some floorplan shots tho so you don’t get disoriented in our labyrinth-like mansion. Please note our amazing pink-blue-purple kitchen! Barbie’s Dreamhouse who??

And here’s the second floor, which also illustrates the exact point I ran out of money. Honestly looking back I don’t understand how the fuck this place cost 70k?? Like nothing is particularly expensive except the amazing vintage batmobile which was around 30-40k and some of the paintings? But I guess all the small things add up in the end + I’m super bad with money..

..and I’m not the only one. Jojo GET A FUCKING GRIP and A JOB. Literally no comment @ your cat wants, you inherited the jaw, wasn’t that enough??? ANYWAY. I know the question on everyone’s mind is how is Wyatt going to fit in with the Unions.. and all I have to say about that..

..is LOL. Truly the perfect career for when your mother-in-law is a criminal mastermind and your husband is a serial killer! I mean the jokes practically write themselves. At least he doesn’t want 10 kids or any shit like that, cause I’ve seen hell and it was the result of mixing Jojo/Wyatt genes in cas.

On top of gifting us with his future-probably-fug children, Wyatt also gives us the gift of our first ever kitchen fire when he decides to make dinner with 1 cooking point. His generosity really knows no bounds.

It’s all fun and games now but Wyatt deadass almost died in the inferno and was about to take poor, stupid Komei with him, who of course ran to the fire even though he was in the yard. Meanwhile Victoria was safely watching tv and didn’t move while Jojo..

..was doing this in the next room. Two types of sims I guess!

-So Wyatt, you’ve been here for almost an hour now, burned down our kitchen and I still don’t see any grandchildren. I thought you were a family sim!

-Haha oh mom, you’re hilarious! Ignore her, Wyatt, let’s enjoy your delicious pasta.. It was definitely worth almost dying for.

-Your mama is right, mon cheri, not only do you have an obligatión to your famille but I rolled the want to have a bébé the second we graduated!

-Well it’s still gonna be there when we aren’t broke, Wyatt, god!

-But.. bébés, mon cheri! Tons of bébés I can have but never interact with, in typical famille sim fashión!

-UGH thanks a lot for opening this gate, mom. If only you had found your love of children when I was living on cat food.

-Well it’s different when they are your children, everyone knows that.

-THAT’S NOT WHY PEOPLE SAY THAT MOM

-Honestly, Jojό, I’m prouder of taking down your répugnant suitόrs than I am of graduating with honors!

-Aww Wyatt <3

-And if I have to souffrir through a childless existence to be with mon amour, so be it (:

-Aw- wait what?!

-Really, c’est bien, Jojό, marriage is all about compromise, nό? I mean, not that I would know since we’re not even married yet!

-Wyatt we’ve been here for 3 hours.

-My point précisément.. C’est bien though!

-Can’t believe I’m saying this but I really regret murdering Ti-Ning. 

That makes two of us, Jo. Honestly even Francis would be better than this. Family sim spouse??? Tf was I thinking. 

Ah, some things never change <3 It’s a new day and someone very special passes by our lot..

UGH NO not you asshole, once again delivering bills at the worst possible time.

-Miss me bitch?? Lolol

ONE OF THESE DAYS DAGMAR. ONE OF THESE DAYS ISTG

No, it’s mismatched beard townie, whose regular outfit is simply iconic, and he’s waving at me! What a sweetheart! TAKE SOME NOTES DAGMAR YOU FROZEN-FACED FREAK

-Umm he’s actually waving at me, moron.

-WRONG, he’s waving at me!

Ok it literally doesn’t matter who he’s waving at. 

-Well c’est moi. 

OK WHATEVER WYATT GOD. Just go off to work in a position you’re criminally unqualified for and try not to die ok??

-Why would I mourir?

Hm let’s see, maybe because you’re a ‘SWAT Team Leader’ straight out of college with a shocking lack of skill points?? Jfc college degrees in this game are so fucking op it’s legit making me resentful of my sims.

In other news, major dicks Sophie and Victor have started constantly beating each other up and the only thing surprising about this development is that it took this long. Honestly these fights are peak #TeamNoOne. Please note Alegra who continues to give 0 fucks @ the bloodshed. What a gal <3

Burning with religious fervor, fundamentalist nutjob Sophie emerges victorious!

-I WALK WITH GOD BITCH

Tears. Literal tears. Victor is the most unbelievable creature I have ever played.

-The rampant violence in this house is a violation of human rights! I AM OUTTA HERE

Literally still cannot believe this happened, like the sheer NERVE is killing me. Victor has started every fight he’s ever been in for an astounding total of 40-50 fights, and as you all know he almost always wins. Like this one was what? The fourth one he lost?? AND YET HE RUNS AWAY LIKE HE’S THE VICTIM I HATE/LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Meanwhile this happens which, of course. Leave it to me to finally get a chance card right for the only sim who doesn’t even deserve the job he currently has.

..Police Chief Wyatt reporting for duty! And crime increased 80% overnight. 

In actual good and not lawsuit-waiting-to happen news, Wyatt brought Amanda, Vic’s only friend/lesbian crush with him! Amanda has the distinct honor of being literally the only non-Union non-Jojo person Vic has ever genuinely liked and hasn’t had an affair with. YET THAT IS.

Man, these are some fat fucking flies. I’m talking 10 plagues of Egypt teas. 

-I KNOW, where the fuck is Komei, what are we paying him for?

-I’m over here honey, talking to my least favorite son for the second time in my life, since apparently he’s sticking around.

-Yes, thanks for requesting a recount of the heir vote, dad. I will remember it when I decide where to scatter your ashes. 

-I TOLD YOU I WANT THEM MIXED WITH THE CAT LITTER 

Ugh Komei, please stop trying to bond with your son and do something productive instead-

-like finally convincing Neo to bang Sophie. She has refused 3 TIMES because there’s a rule I have to earn kittens by suffering. I mean Alegra refusing to procreate with Victor made sense, it was Victor, wtf is Sophie’s excuse? Waiting for marriage?

ABOUT TIME

YAS. CAT GEN 3 ON THE WAY. Human gen 3 will have to wait till I’m in the mood to deal with screaming infants aka it might take a while.

The science career FINALLY SHOWS UP after 5 fucking days, jfc. Love how Wyatt’s dumb ass started as a swat team LEADER but Jojo who has half the skills maxed starts as a science teacher. Also love the idea of Jojo as a teacher in general, I mean just imagine having him teach you science in high school. I would literally drop out.

Jojo returns from work, brings this rando with him and doesn’t get promoted. We can’t all be Wyatt I guess! We’re not completely broke anymore tho so..

It is time.

Gunther, Melody and Max Flexor on one side..

Craig, Brit Brit, Ti-Ning and Daniel on the other. What a bunch of assholes, Craig obviously excluded. Remember him? I invited him because he and Jojo are still semi-friends thinking he wouldn’t show up and yet here he is! What a good guy. 

-It’s at moments like this, watching your high school boyfriend get married.. that you really get to thinking..

Awww.

-..there but for the grace of god go I.

Less awww. You’re not wrong tho, definitely dodged a sociopathic bullet..

..not everyone is that lucky. WE GET IT WYATT YOU’RE CRAZY AND IN LOVE

-Mon bien adoré, I vow to aimer and honόr you and not cheat on you again or at least be more discrete about it <3

-And I vow not to kill you and feed you to the cats for as long as we both shall live <3 

Ah, true love, you guys. 

Too bad half our guests are inside dancing-

-OR HAVING COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE AND UNTIMELY THOUGHTS. TI-NING SERIOUSLY GO TO HELL. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU HOW DARE YOU

Well at least Vic is excited which is more than I can say for Gunther who is literally LOOKING THE OTHER WAY. 

Time to cut the cake with the sky as our only witness, since everyone has taken a plate from the buffet and fucked off inside. Seriously WORST GUESTS EVER 

Not one to be outdone by his guests’ questionable behavior, Wyatt takes the time to remind us who he really is. 

-And n'est-ce pas forget it!

Despite all the obvious problems, like one of the grooms literally going to sleep, our party score is ‘good time’ which is a truly rare and exciting occurrence. With less than a minute left I’m feeling pretty confident that nothing can ruin this wedding!

Weirdly no one has touched the champagne even though sims in general are obsessed with it?? My best guess is everyone is at a loss for words at having to toast this union and who can blame them tbh. Thankfully Daniel steps up and I find it super sweet because I’ve forgotten that he and Wyatt are mortal enemies and it’s only by chance they haven’t beaten each other up on this instance like they have countless times before.

-Let’s all raise a glass to my beloved brother, Jojo, who generously woke up to attend his own wedding reception! Just one of many examples of his fine, giving character. Too bad he’s committing his life to a complete waste of space adulterous loser like Wyatt, who I’m not even convinced is really french, since his ability to speak and understand english fluctuates according to convenience. Man, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but this choice in spouse is just too tragic. Oh well! To Jojo!

NOICE, still a good time. SO CLOSE

AND YET SO FAR. Goddammit do you two mind killing each other on your own time and not literally 10 seconds before our wedding ends??

-DIE WHORE, THIS WILL TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY MAN

-THAT’S MY LINE SLUTBAG

-HA! ZUMBA, BITCH

-Wow, so glad I woke up for this, really got my bloodlust going! 

Indeed a roaring success if there ever was one. I mean how can this night possibly get any better?

.............of course.

Oh nice, I remembered to install an alarm for once! I’m also desperately trying to wake up Wyatt thinking that he’s fucking CHIEF OF POLICE so he might prove useful in this situation..

..especially since we get this cop of a completely untrustworthy Bieber hairstyle. Talk about striking fear in the heart.

Sadly it turns out that Wyatt could not give less of a shit that we’re getting robbed and picks this moment to head for wedding buffet leftovers-

-while Bieber cop prevails! This robber is awesomely named Russ Bear btw and I wish that was my name, sounds like a slavic medieval folkore hero. But I digress. Please prepare yourselves because our first robbery is about to take a dark turn.

-Ehh, you get at a certain level on la force, you just become desensitized to la criminalité..

-Oh don’t worry Wyatt, I totally understand.. I mean I’ve robbed so many houses in my time, I hardly blink anymore..

-So it looks like you and I are not so different after all.. ;)

.............

.....................

............................why. why has the universe chosen me for the greatest suffering the world has ever known. i try and i try but incestuous relationships just keep sprawling like mythical strangler vines. i bet this wouldn’t happen to someone named Russ Bear. fml