#enabling

[xehcainam]

I have so many thoughts on Jimmy as both a narcissist and a patriarchal male and how that affects the story and I have nobody to spew this brain rot at what do I do

[kply-industries]

"Sir, would you like to take up smoking?"

"WOWEE!"

[american-boyboss]

[flange5]

I found this recently on etsy while link hopping and I am certain someone here needs it...

$25, shop link here

[vanalex]

[ayyy-imma-ninja]

Has there been a time when Mr. Sun and Mr. Moon has a disagreement to the point that y/n would have to put one of those "this is our get along shirt" and stuff them in it?

Surprisingly no.

The boys are good at settling disagreements on their own, but the problem with that is how much they unhealthily enable each other. If one has doubt about their cause, the other simply goes "No it's okay do it". It's also part of how they only really trust each other with things.

But the thought of them wearing a shirt like that is hilarious

[yusuke-of-valla]

Oh hey Portable’s on sale for Switch

Along with like. Dozens of other games apparently Nintendo is having a massive sale right now

But you know. Portable

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

"It's important to remember that only telling someone yes. And telling someone, yes, you're valid, and only affirming them and only saying yes, is not an act of love. That's not what love is. Love is not giving in to every whim. and only saying yes. Love is putting up those boundaries and saying no. And having to keep someone safe even when they might be upset at you for it. Because only saying yes, and only going down one path, and only affirming, isn't love, it's enabling. And I feel like that's just something that parents need to understand with this."

One of the most fundamental principles of psychology is you don't affirm. You don't tell the girl who has schizophrenia that, yes, the toaster actually is out to get her. You don't tell the boy with anorexia that, sure, he really could stand to lose a few pounds. You don't tell the woman who's afraid of elevators that she's right to be scared, because elevators really are a deathtrap. You don't tell the suicidal father who's estranged from his kids that yes, they'd be better off without him.

In no other field do we "affirm" people's distress.

[navybrat817]

Omg the candles came in!! I have a gc with my mother and sister and my sister was like “how many did you order because this is a big ass box” I told them and my mother was not too ecstatic about my purchase😂 little does she know I still need to get 5 more before the end of the season 🤫

But yes, boo not being able to use them in my dorm😪 I know it’s a fire and mess hazard but they’re fall candles☹️

We joke like that too! As of right now she’s been trying to take my room and my squishmallow collection 😂

Woohoo! I'm so glad the candles are in! "Big ass box." My mom would say the same thing. 😂

I completely get the dorm rules, but I also know just how many rules were broken. 😂 My building was co-ed and the guys didn't give any fucks about the rules.

BAHAHA. Does she have a favorite of the squishmallows?

I also convinced a couple of my teammates to get candles. I was called an enabler and I pointed out that it's one of my working geniuses. 🤣 Our team had us take this test to determine our strengths, competencies, and frustrations. Enabling is one of my strengths, which is not surprising at all. ❤️

Love and thanks! ❤️

[chatnoirwithblackhair]

What I wish my dear system understood is, it's completely normal for us to avoid being around people who have certain disorders. It doesn't make us ableist. It doesn't make anybody ableist, in fact, because trauma does not equal discrimination unless the person chooses to engage in hateful behaviors, which is a completely separate topic. Ableism, by definition, "is discrimination and social prejudice against people with physical or mental disabilities. Ableism characterizes people as they are defined by their disabilities and it also classifies disabled people as people who are inferior to non-disabled people."

It is not the same as trauma.

There is a line drawn between being ableist and traumatized. Until you are actively speaking out against certain people and discriminate against them, until you are actively trying to put them down, to hurt them, to speak of them with hate, you are not being hateful by avoiding certain groups of people depending on characteristics they have. That goes for ableism too.

The easiest example of this I can give are women who are avoiding men because of sexual trauma. You wouldn't immediately assume that they are being sexist, you would think they have trauma around them, understand them, and while these women would still have to engage with men from time to time, you'd support them (women) in wanting separation from them (men) in every other way. Then how is it the same with disabled people?

My dear system, we have been around narcissists our entire lives non-stop. We had narcissists who used their disorder as an excuse to hurt us, and we felt too guilty to stand up for ourselves because we thought we would be ableist if we were to tell them to stop. "They just don't know any different," we told ourselves. But the harsh truth is, no matter the amount of empathy, no disorder allows you to hurt others. No matter if you can control it or not, it is not an excuse, ever, and we have always had a right to say we do not want to engage with people with NPD. We are not being hateful towards them. My darling heamdates, we tried to understand them the best we could and find ways to work with them. And we know that if those people decided to abuse us again, we would fall for it immediately. We were always allowed to sat "no." We were always allowed to avoid them.

No person is being ableist if they set a boundary in order to not hurt themselves. We have no kind of prejudice against them other than basic trauma and a desire to not get into yet another relationship/friendship that would retraumatize us. We are allowed to join support groups for those like us. The people who we have been with put us through literal hell, and we can't even admit it due to there being so much that if we're not in denial, we are going to spiral into insanity.

We ourselves barely experience empathy, if at all, and we never gave ourselves the opportunity to hurt others.

And people out there with same experiences, you are allowed to avoid certain groups of people because of your trauma. Or just simply because you're uncomfortable. I know that there are disorders that are stigmatized to the core, and so people are trying to defend them the best they can, but it should not enable abuse. If a person is abusive, they are abusive. If they are abusive because of their disorder, they are abusive because of their disorder. If they have a disorder that makes it hard for them to understand empathy, social cues, etc, they can still listen to a "no," "stop," "I don't like this," "you're hurting me," "you're making me uncomfortable." Therapy exists, and if it's not available, basic human decency works, too. Nobody is saying it's fun for people with certain disorders to be stigmatized because of them and treated like garbage. But it also doesn't give said people the "okay" to treat others like garbage either.

Ableism is not the same as avoidance due to trauma.

The existence of stigma and ableism and people suffering from it is not an excuse to enable abuse.

Your trauma isn't any less valid just because somebody had a mental/physical disability that influenced/cause their behavior.

And whoever decides to tell us, or wheoever's reading it, otherwise, should go to hell.

[leftoverslack]

got a fucked up note from an ex

some time back

and i stopped writing

their reply echoed

times up; i'm next

i don't feel like fighting

they did many things i did

they just never got caught

i try hard to be candid

i definitely played my part

but who enabled who

and who destroyed what

i too have scars

from deeply buried cuts

this person sees right through me

to a weird cartoon movie

they crafted from dark emotions

and bruised pieces of heart

i'm not very smart but i see

mutual parataxic distortion

or perhaps transference

i slowly killed my part off

by myself apart from Lou Reed

alone in the dark, wet and cold

amphetamines and opiates

yes, i too found myself

surprisingly old

but never tried very hard to forget

such a perfect day

this is the only life i get

how many years are enough

to become someone else

like fifteen plus i guess

and i Felt every pulse

i'm not the pill pressed

from deep distress and pain

and poorly formed shadows

from another human's brain

sorry for the things i did

for the things i can't explain

but i'm not the one

at least not anymore

to take it to heart

and down to my core

all of their rancor

i won't take myself apart

at the very seams

where i sort of stitched me

'back together' it seems

it's my very best art

or at least something

like a pretty decent start

letting the red yarn untwist

i disagree with their edits

and i will continue to exist

[sithwitch13]

I would like to thank Hangman/Swerve and Toni/Mariah gifmakers specifically right now for helping me to convince my hairdresser to try watching AEW.

[immaculatasknight]

Fingering the gang

[vyorei]

US to continue backing Israel with resupplying Iron Dome

Biden, you're gonna wind up on the wrong side of a war crime tribunal

[vizthedatum]

I’m sure I’ve said this before on my blog but…

As much as I want to or compelled to, I cannot heal, fix, get someone to come out, or get someone to admit to something even if I genuinely want to help them.

I just can’t.

I couldn’t do it for my exes, I couldn’t do it for my friends (both past and current), I can’t do it for my family, I can’t do it for community members who are struggling with addiction or substance use disorders, etc.

It’s really hard for me, and I definitely have been the person who made recommendations upon recommendations or over gave… to no avail. It was frustrating for everyone involved.

—

Oh yeah, my friends in the past couldn’t do it for me either - there were times when I didn’t even understand the advice they were giving because I wasn’t equipped to make changes.

It goes both ways.

—

It’s one thing to be supportive and give helpful suggestions, but you have to allow people to have their autonomy without forcing them to do things they’re not ready to do.

And if you think you can’t handle their choices, then you have the power to control yourself and choose your own fate (like leaving a relationship or having more personal boundaries).