#emptykept

[liabilitytm]

ITS RACHEL’S BIRTHDAY

I write long letters every year but I dont have the energy for that today so heres a bullet list of things I've definitely covered before @ohgavins / @reluctantseer / @empathreading / @emptykept / @stillyouth / @ wherever else you are

I love you

youve literally saved my life

I'm so proud of you

I refuse to believe youre is 20

I think about your dumb ocs every day

have you seen the new Jack and dean video it made me cry this ones not about you but felt like an important bullet point

that time we met in person meant the world to me even though we just walked around in silence for an hour lmao

I genuinely want the best for you in every sense of your life

I'm so proud of how far you've come and I know you're gonna do good things in life

Ur such a good writer

I've been meaning to make that ghost oc that lives in the apartment building with Lewis and Camden and cam never sees her but lou thinks shes a neighbor and thinks hes just got a nosy neighbor even though it's a ghost and then the inevitable moment of "you know I'm dead right? I've been dead for like 5 years" "I'm sorry what the fuck"

I still owe u my life for introducing me to sp7

this also is about something you should watch and not you but have you seen blood fest because its so good and if you havent seen it we should watch it sometime bc im so gay for barb in blood fest

here’s some random screencaps of our conversations that I have saved

the day that changed my life

i dont remember the context of this one but its funny

i do remember the context of this one but its funnier if i dont give context

the start of an era

official callout @ me for ruining ocs lives

happy birthday rachel i cant believe ive known you almost 5 years thats almost half a decade rachel what the fuck

[tragictm]

❝ I love you, will you marry me? ❞ lewis @ cam :)

「 meme  |  @reluctantseer 」

ITS  AN  AVERAGE  DAY,  at  least  as  far  as  you’re  aware.  or  more,  it’s  an  average  night.  the  sun  has  long  set  and  the  two  of  you  are  strolling  the  streets,  not  a  care  in  the  world,  like  everything’s  normal.  like  you’re  normal.  the  two  of  you  know  better,  steer  clear  of  churches  and  keep  away  from  any  place  that  has  any  chance  of  garlic.  you  don’t  dare  risk  ruining  this.

YOUR  NIGHT  HAD  STARTED  IN  THE  CEMETERY,  your  old  grave  now  hidden  amongst  overgrown  grass,  surrounded  by  bodies  that  would  never  get  the  chance  to  see  life  once  more.  it  had  been  something  about  closure,  your  big  plan  to  leave  the  trauma  behind.  but  that  isn’t  how  trauma  works,  and  it  certainly  isn’t  so  simple  for  you  to  rid  yourself  of  pain.  lou  had  put  down  flowers,  pink  carnations  to  represent  remembrance  and  white  carnations  for  pure  love  and  innocence.  perhaps  less  meaningful  considering  he’d  bought  them  from  your  store  earlier,  but  that’s  just  how  things  are.  funny  that  at  the  time  you  hadn’t  noticed  him  grab  some  red  roses.

THE  NIGHT  IS  COLD,  but  every  second  you  spend  together  is  full  of  warmth.  love  strong  enough  to  brace  the  harshest  weather,  love  strong  enough  to  conquer  death.  you  still  remember  it  all,  climbing  out  of  that  grave  and  wanting  nothing  but  him.  there  was  chaos  when  you  found  him,  his  disbelief  at  both  your  death  and  your  life,  but  once  he’d  reluctantly  made  sense  of  it  all  things  had  so  easily  become  more  real.  feelings  once  hidden  were  openly  shared,  contact  once  avoided  now  sought  after.  the  two  of  you  had  always  been  an  unstoppable  force,  but  after  you  died  your  relationship  only  grew  stronger.

YOU  CANT  PRETEND  IT  WAS  ALL  SMOOTH  SAILING,  there  were  countless  stupid  fights  and  long  forgotten  insults  yelled  in  fear.  those  nights  where  you’d  sit  alone  in  your  room,  desperate  to  speak  but  knowing  that  he  didn’t  think  the  same,  knowing  that  he  was  asleep  without  care.  countless  days  where  you’d  hide  in  a  room  as  dark  as  your  mind  while  he  was  forced  to  deal  with  his  demons  in  the  sunlight.  apologies  rarely  came  in  lengthy  explanations,  simply  nights  spent  together  in  a  bed  with  whispers  about  being  together  forever,  about  never  being  alone.  you  always  believed  it,  and  yet  you  never  expected  a  real  commitment.

YOU’RE  AT  THE  PARK  WHEN  HE  GETS  ON  ONE  KNEE,  the  school  where  you’d  met  being  the  touching  backdrop  to  the  moment.  somehow  the  place  feels  eerie  now,  far  smaller  than  you’d  ever  believed  yet  somehow  a  giant  pit  of  mysterious  darkness.  along  the  fence  fairy  lights  twinkle  like  stars  and  the  wind  blows  just  enough  for  his  hair  to  sweep  the  way  you  like  it.  roses  from  your  store  stare  you  in  the  face,  an  eyebrow  raised  as  you  resist  the  urge  to  tell  him  he  stole  those.  it  isn’t  until  he’s  really  down  on  one  knee,  really  pulling  the  ring  out,  that  the  situation  set  in.

BUT  OF  COURSE  THAT  WAS  WHAT  WAS  HAPPENING,  the  two  of  you  had  taken  a  stroll  down  memory  lane  in  a  way  you  never  do.  from  your  death  to  your  high  school  to  where  it  all  began,  the  whole  trip  had  led  to  this  moment.  tears  begin  to  brim  as  he  speaks,  head  shaking  slightly  in  confusion.  surely  this  isn’t  happening?  you’ve  always  dreamed  of  it,  but  you  learned  a  long  time  ago  that  its  only  ever  the  nightmares  that  come  true.

IT  FEELS  AS  THOUGH  YOUR  HEART  STOPS  IN  THE  MOMENT,  your  brain  ignoring  the  fact  that  it  stopped  a  long  time  ago.  he  wants  to  spend  the  rest  of  his  life  with  you,  and  of  course  you  want  the  same,  but  the  thought  that  hits  you  puts  a  sudden  halt  to  the  excitement.  "but  you’re  going  to  get  old,  and  you’re  going  to  die.“  and  that  is  how  it  goes,  and  that’s  something  you  want  to  share  with  him,  but  that’s  something  you’ll  never  know.  "I  want  to  spend  forever  with  you,  this  is  a  yes.”  spoken  quickly  as  you  take  his  hands,  lowering  to  your  knees  yourself.  "but  it’s  only  a  yes  if  you’re  sure  you  want  this.  if  you’re  sure  you’re  okay  with  getting  old  while  I  stay  like  this,  as  long  as  you’re  okay  with  there  eventually  being  a  whole  world  between  us.“

AND  THEN  YOU  HAVE  ANOTHER  THOUGHT.  a  worse  thought.  "unless..”  something  you’re  sure  you  know  the  answer  to,  something  that  has  come  up  more  than  once.  "unless  you  want  our  forever,  your  forever,  to  really  be…  forever.“

[naivelost]

👫 for ben n el !

four headcanons i have about our muse’s relationship / accepting.

ben: this is my ex-fiance, eldonel: stop saying that!el: he’s my husband. 

ben always buys el hsm merch for his #1 man zac. it doesn’t stop with age. once he pranks him with a lifesize cut-out tucked in their bed.

said bed often consists of: 3 corgis, a skittish cat, and potentially two restless children. one night eldon gives up completely and goes to sleep in rose’s bed. ben gets glared at for even trying to make a height joke.

ben will always try and get eldon to slow dance with him at any chance because it reminds him of the night he came over when he’d been stood up and they ‘danced’ in his kitchen. 

[heronot]

@emptykept + starter call !

          ❝          yoo... do dead people know they’re dead ?? like what’s it like to wake           up && like... wake up dead ?          ❞

[chaoticporcelain]

“So that’s where I fucked up, I didn’t turn left.” eldon @ belle!

@empathreading / @emptykept.

“  yeah,  THAT’S  where  this  all  went  wrong.  ”   they’re  in  the  middle  of  a  desert  and  belle  genuinely  has  no  idea  how  they  got  there.  could  it  be  as  easy  as  missing  one  left  turn?  she  doubted  it.  how  often  do  you  come  to  a  single,  small,  left  turn  with  no  sign  that  leads  to  the  only  part  of  civilization  there  is?  surely  something  like  that  would  have  a  sign.  then  again,  were  they  really  paying  attention?  they  probably  would’ve  missed  a  sign  the  size  of  their  car  that  glowed  with  neon  lights  telling  them  where  to  go.  this  road  trip  had  quickly  become  a  disaster,  they  weren’t  at  all  where  they  needed  to  be.  then  again,  the  road  trip  is  all  about  the  journey,  right?  “  on  the  bright  side,  aliens  usually  show  up  in  the  desert  don’t  they?  ”

[poetictragediies]

me: slides my url @ u !

meme: send me your url and i'll tell you.status: accepting.sender: @emptykept

my opinion on—

character in general: as with all ur ocs i love sasha and i want to hold him and look after him, brilliantly written and just bomb in generalhow they play them: i feel like this point doesnt work with ocs but uh no one could write him better than u but thats probs bc u made himthe mun: you know i could write novels about you rachel and i will lmao ur birthdays coming up its time for my yearly mushy letter thats far longer than it needs to be and says p much the same as the previous year. anyway meeting you in person was the highlight of my australia trip and also the day i was most excited for and we probably shouldve got a selfie or s/t together but uh i was too focused on thinkin ab how weird it was to be talking to you in person

do i—

rp with them: we have one thread but i want more ofcwant to rp with them: i dont think its possible for me to ever not want to rp w you

what is my—

overall opinion: not to be mushy but being your friend literally changed my life and i love you a lot even if we dont talk daily anymore

[mavrcks]

A Letter to Rachel on her Birthday

@empathreading / @gavinsaleks / @emptykept

I am slightly late in nz time but not in aus time yet I don't think lmao you know I wasn't gonna miss your birthday even if I don't talk to you every day like I used to. Happy birthday Rachel, this ones not very long cause I gotta save some stuff for our friendiversary in December and they've been absurdly long for the last few years but!! Happy birthday, you know by now that you mean the world to me and I know that my life would be beyond different if I hadn't met you. I remember talking to you about how I was about to graduate high school which just feels like a million years ago. If you were wondering why I messaged you about an old Skype conversation and reblogged one on belle is cause I spent today looking through old stuff I wrote and trying to relive some of the ridiculousness while also reading the old letters to try not to repeat myself too much but it's gonna repeat any way. Im not doing this on a laptop so it's gonna look gross and unformatted until tomorrow probably but I don't care. You've changed my life and you've changed who I am and I'm beyond thankful for that. I wouldn't have come out when I did without you, and then maybe I still wouldn't be out to this day. I know you might not really believe that because you've struggled with the idea of coming out so much over the time I've known you but online where you can be yourself I've seen you grow so much more confident in who you are and it's made me so Happy, I remember I was literally talking to you and the other members of the iconic pack it up group verse when I suddenly decided that at half past midnight it was time to come out. I woke my mum up and came out to her because in the time I had talked to you seeing you be open to me about who you were made me feel confident in who I was. And I know I talk about this in every letter I write but it's such a big moment of my life and I'm so happy that I shared it with you in that way.

Of course though this letter is different to all the other ones I've written, cause we've seen each other in person now. I couldn't find a letter to see if I wrote one back in December but I'm sure I did and I'm sure I went way too in depth about how much it meant to meet you in person, but it really was so amazing. I still remember it pretty clearly and I'm almost positive that if I was dropped out in your neck of the woods I would be able to find my way around what you showed me and get at least the general area of the street you live on right. That may not be much of an achievement considering how small the area is but I don't care. I remember it took so long for me to tell my mum I had made friends online and she had been so nervous about it because everyone's so worried about old men pretending to be teenagers online to lure people in but then she ended up driving to the middle of nowhere basically in a country she didn't know shit about so I could see you and she was happy to mess around doing basically nothing for an hour while we hung out and it just meant a lot to me. We were both pretty quiet and awkward face to face but I was just processing the fact that you were actually right there (and also your stories about just finding snakes everywhere was in my mind that's why I was constantly looking at the ground I was just a little terrified there would be snakes).

Anyway! We've gone through so much together and we have so many memories that I just can't imagine life without you. Even little things that changed us like me introducing you to ah and you introducing me to sp7 (I found the Skype messages of the exact moment you said "hey have you heard of sp7" and the hours that followed changed my life.) No but really we have all these characters that we made and developed and cared about so much, characters that weave into each other despite the fact that they were created far apart or even if one was inactive when the other was active. We turned Lou and Gabe into such a strong developed Gabe loves Lou but Lou hates gabe relationship without them ever interacting, we had bianca and holden hating each other passionately yet we had an in depth ice skater au for them because you introduced me to yoi and I got obsessed. Its so weird to think that a decent chunk of my interests were influenced by someone that I only recently actually met in person despite having known each other for so long. Like I'm sure rping wouldve stopped being a hobby so long ago if it weren't for belle and Eldon and everyone that spawned off of them. We really created our own world together and it's beautiful. Anyway I said this would be short and then it wasn't happy birthday Rachel I love you.

[naivelost]

👫 for ben n lewis (rip) !

four headcanons i have about our muse’s relationship / accepting.

i know we’ve said it but they really are jim and dwight. “i’ve sent lewis emails… from himself…from the future” 

but on a serious note: does ben simply enjoy messing with lewis 24/7? yes. but also i think the more they know each other ben recognises that being pissed™ at him might be one of the only ways lewis is actually letting anything out emotion-wise to anyone, which is why he keeps it up and never gets mad about his responses.

gifts for lewis from ben: fuzzy cat socks, a fuzzy cat jumper, hot chilli flavoured sweets, an abba cd, a mug that says ‘i’m mr grumpy.’, a selfie of him and bilbo. 

ben: casually calls lewis hotlewis: whatben: what

[heronot]

“i can’t sleep.” !

SOFT ANGST STARTERS + accepting !

           ❝          YOU TOO ?          ❞his gaze scans twisting fingers that jut into one another when he prods with anxiety,&& he hesitates before glancing up, tired eyes showing subtle darkness of bags underneaththem. he lifts one shoulder into a shrug.           ❝          i’m used to it, a little. i’m more of a night owl, even though i kind of have           shit to do in the mornings. i don’t think i have any work tomorrow, though. unless           there’s, like, some kind of emergency call-in… what’s keeping you up ?          ❞

[heronot]

‘ life— the thing that happens to us. ’

POETRY STARTERS + accepting !

          ❝          i’m out here wishing it DIDN’T. life is such a fucking chore, dude ! if i          could just take naps all day, i definitely would.          ❞

[naivelost]

❝ I think Emily Dickinson’s a lesbian. ❞

comeback kid

     “ Dickinson, Woolf, Austen... Who wasn’t? ” His eyes are instantly brighter at the topic. “ You like reading? ”

[heronot]

thanks i’ll take 12 / @emptykept !!! look at our kids !!!

[heronot]

❝ Can you imagine watching one of the people you went to school with becoming the president? ❞

COMEBACK KID + accepting !

          ❝          NO. everyone from my school was such a piece of shit !! there’s no          way they’d be able to get anywhere close to becoming president.          ❞

a pause. his gaze reads wonder whenever hues of sun && wood greet the other.          ❝          WAIT ! do you think… i could be president ?          ❞

[naivelost]

send 📚 for a random dialogue starter book: starter for ten / @emptykept

     “ You do know your face is completely grey, don’t you? And you’ve got white stuff in the corner of your mouth. ”