#employment adventures

[sea-salted-wolverine]

if any body else ever learns how to edit a PDF or use excel im out of a job. that is the only thing i do here. then again, given the likelyhood that someone will actually figure out how to edit a PDF, im pretty sure im set for life.

now if you'll excuse me, im off to go explain the concept of an external harddrive. again.

[alwayscryingoverdannyb]

as a training for my job, I'm presenting something to my fellow colleagues on wednesday, so... you know what that means 8-))

that's right. my giant plush alpaca, javier, is about to learn some stuff about media campaign strategies

[manicpixiefelix]

Currently thinking about Felix Catton working a regular job just because.

Him working at Build-A-Bear 🧸🧸🧸

Felix in his gap year (shhh I know he doesn't really take one just pretend) asking his parents if he can get a casual job because he saw it on TV.

Felix who is so removed from middle-to-lower-class reality that he can romanticise the idea of a fresh-out-of-high-school teen having a job.

Felix whose parents reluctantly let him get a job at Build-A-Bear because his first choice was being a life guard, and they love him very much but don't want him liable for people's lives.

Felix who absolutely adores working at Build-A-Bear and is actually very good at it.

Felix who gets along with all of the kids who come in, and he makes all of the Building/Stuffing/Naming ceremonies for each of the kids, and can seem to tell if the kids would respond best to it being goofy, heartfelt, or if the kid might be trying to act a little bit too cool for it. Felix is naturally very good with kids I will die on this hill.

Felix who is completely oblivious to the sudden spike of teenage sisters bringing their younger siblings in.

Felix being completely oblivious to the little fanclub that he has, mostly of girls in their early teens who spend their weekends at the mall and will walk past the shop several times a day if he's in.

Felix radiating the absolute sweetest, goofiest big brother energy literally not even realising that half the girls who come into the store have a crush on him.

But also Felix who quietly gets very excited to dress the bears up to put them on display in the window.

Felix who made Venetia a bear and not only dressed it up, but gave her a few different little bear outfits. She rolled her eyes and reminded him she's twenty, but she still keeps the bear sitting on her bed every day, and sometimes he'll look in and she's changed it's little outfit.

Felix whose energy and love and joy is felt by everyone who comes into the shop because he lives to see the way each kid's faces light up when they finally get to hug their teddy at the end.

Felix working to bring kids joy and/or help them in some way is something I hold very close to my heart. I love this concept. I kind of want to draw it.

[magickkart]

Characters I’d love to lock in a room together and observe from a distance (top to bottom, left to right): Nicky Rook from “Death in the Spires”, Kim Secretan from “The Will Darling Adventures”, Daniel da Silva from “Think of England”….and technically also the will darling adventures I guess,, and last but not least - anachronistic grandpa Julius Norreys from “A Society of Gentlemen” In other news: Ive got the KJC brainworms. again.

[solarmorrigan]

Currently holed up in an interior classroom in the library with three (3) of my coworkers and one (1) tutor because we were under a tornado warning we were supposed to seek shelter until security gave us the all clear

The siren stopped going off over half an hour ago, we're pretty sure security just forgot about us

[notasapleasure]

Forced to have a day at home to deal with emails instead of house painting and if I deal with the emails quickly I WILL make it tumblr's problem in the form of fic/wip memes >:3

[unnonexistence]

trying to coax myself into working on my programming practice stuff by relating it to pacific rim. come onnnn you can graph the kaiju attacks! like hermann!

wait wait shit ok it wasnt working because the wiki is the only place i can pull data from rn & the dates on the wiki suck, but actually. i had a new idea. could put them on there and graph hermann's prediction next to them and from there reverse-engineer the timing of kaiju attacks that aren't specified anywhere. maybe. idk if the math works out. i can at least make cool graphs

[irisbaggins]

I currently work at a mall, and frankly, the I really enjoy my location only because my store has giant windows everywhere. I get to watch time actually pass, unlike two other locations of our brand. Working in one of 'em was fine, but oh boy, the entitlement from people! At least at my current location, people are only weird and slightly threatening!

And, I don't get the opportunity to pretend I don't know what the little baggies are for. I for sure think you're using them for little screws, yepp sir. I will ask no further questions, everything's above board :)

But yeah. Where Adaine's located, it sounds like pure liminal space. Although, a 40% discount? A bloody steal, I tell you! Go get those discounted items, Adaine!

[kerosene-in-a-blender]

Imagine being Captain Xandis. You drop your new employers off in Yios, where they proceed to tear up the skyport lounge before wandering off to presumably do the same to the rest of the city. Less than two days later, one messages you in your mind because they have SOMEHOW managed to strand themselves on a completely different part of the continent and they need you to come pick them up

[lespresso]

i start officially planning group therapy curriculum tomorrow!!! aaa

[cowboyhorsegirl]

why is it called kryptonite when it’s poisonous to everything & everyone on krypton? why would you name the instant death rock after the planet upon which it unleashes instant death??

[sea-salted-wolverine]

I have a worksona and she can be as quirky queer as she likes but the reason she exists is because she is neurotypical and a staunch capitalist, which has lead to to extreme cognitive dissonance but it also gets me a paycheck so I can deal. She is also, and this is the important part. Stupid. Shes just not clever enough to take on those extra jobs for you, you'll have to pay her, and train her, and make sure there is records of her training, because if not she's just a mess of liability. Also, she has no opinions on literature or philosophy or yknow anything. Jock brain. Wants to do hard work outs in her spare time, and so staves off extra curricular coworker encounters.

[alwayscryingoverdannyb]

I had at least one person compliment my hair every single day at work since my hairdresser appointment on wednesday last week. if a MALE colleague comments on how *:･ﾟ✧shiny *:･ﾟ✧ your hair is.... my hair MUST be magic, I tell you.

just today, I met a girl in the ladies bathroom and I thought 'I am vaguely familiar with this person but she's probably quite new' until she went "your hair grows so fast! I swear to god it was shoulder length a while ago.. and it's so shiny it must be healthy" and I in my head I was like WHATTTT

[manicpixiefelix]

Whatever you do, try not to picture Felix doing all kinds of silly voices at Build-A-Bear for the stuffed animals which is always a huge hit with the kiddos.

That mental image is so cute I'm gonna be sick 😍😍😍

I love Felix being the patron saint of tired parents who need a few minutes to breathe at the mall, he keeps the kids focused on the building process and entertained the whole time.

I will say that his managers probably hate him a little bit. Yes there's been a noticeable increase in sales since he arrived, but he also has this big, stupid heart that never wants a kid to be unhappy, so every time he overhears a parent telling their kid to put something back (an extra outfit or accessory for the teddy) he makes up a sale and tells them to have it without charging them. He got yelled at pretty good when they caught him doing it, however as soon as he offered to pay the difference himself in future, well they didn't like it, but they also didn't stop him.

He's the best employee they have, he also genuinely doesn't seem to fully comprehend the value of money.

[dzthenerd490]

File: Beyond: Two Souls

SCP#: AGT

Code Name: Agent Jodie Holmes of PENTAGRAM/ Agent Jaden Holmes of the Foundation

Object Class: Prodosa Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-AGT is under the unfortunate custody and protection of Group of Interest: PENTAGRAM. As such the Foundation has no means of implementing containment procedures. To do so would result in potential conflict with the Global Occult Coalition and by extension the rest of the ACPA.

Update 2014 - SCP-AGT has escaped PENTAGRAM and has been captured by the Foundation. After a long talk with Captain Wells of Mobile Task Force Alpha-9 "Last Hope" he has agreed to join the Foundation under the condition that the Foundation guarantees protection for his four friends and their newborn child. The Foundation has agreed and given them all housing within Nx-AD: Archios as well as giving SCP-AGT a room at Site-AR.

His room stands 8x8 meters with all the proper accommodations, furniture, and appliances for the common room with a few luxurious additions. He is assigned to Site-AR because he works as security for the Department of Technology, Alchemy, Science, Magic, and Warfare. He has been assigned to and is given training under Mobile Task Force Hecate-Alpha "Real Magic" Division "Sorcerer's Staff". 

Update 2017 - SCP-AGT has completed his training and is now an official member of Mobile Task Force Hecate-Alpha "Real Magic" Division "Sorcerer's Staff". He is now to be known as Agent Jodie Jaden Holmes.

Update 2020 - SCP-AGT has requested Dr. Zeek perform a transitioning operation. It has been completed with 100% success, SCP-AGT is now to be known as Agent Jaden Holmes. He is still living at Site-AR within his 8x8 meter personal room and is allowed to visit his friends and their child who are living in Nexus Point-AB: New Marais.

Description: SCP-AGT is a male humanoid anomaly that is of Caucasian descent, has brown hair, and brown eyes. Originally SCP-AGT had the anomalous property of being connected to a wandering soul. This soul is labeled as SCP-AGT-Soul but is named Aiden by SCP-AGT. Both SCP-AGT and SCP-AGT-Soul have the same psychic abilities, but SCP-AGT-Soul's abilities are much stronger and without limits. Because SCP-AGT-Soul is a ghost class anomaly it is impossible for it to get tired and can stay awake essentially forever. 

SCP-AGT-Soul also has the ability to have SCP-AGT see whatever it does and can possess other people quite easily. Naturally being a Ghost class anomaly hacking technology and manipulating energy to small degrees is quite easy. SCP-AGT-Soul is able to fully interact with other ghost class anomalies and can banish them back into their original afterlife. When SCP-AGT and SCP-AGT-Soul work together their psychic power is increased allowing them to communicate with ghost class anomalies, allow them to communicate with the living, heal the injured, and control energy to massive degrees. 

SCP-AGT was discovered in 1998 when he was only 9 years old. He was taken into the research division of PENTAGRAM in the hopes of understanding and one day utilizing his powers. However, because PENTAGRAM is a US organization SCP-AGT was often used in military and CIA operations. One such operation was the assassination of a president of a small East African country back in 2012. He was told they were a dictator but in reality, they were a president determined to bring stability to the area. He ran away from PENTAGRAM and went on the run for at least two years before he was captured again by the Group of Interest. 

They tried having him believe that he was only there for one final mission, to ensure they were the only organization that can create a portal to the afterlife by destroying the portal owned by Republic of Kazakhstan Army. The mission to take down the machine creating the portal was a massive success however it was not enough for PENSTAGRAM. By the time the operation was done the entirety of the ACPA knew of the experiments on the afterlife PENSTAGRAM had been conducting and were furious. To save face they tried to get rid of any and all outside evidence including SCP-AGT and SCP-AGT-Soul. The planned on killing him while erasing all information of the portals existence. However, the main facility where the portal was made ended up being destroyed after a rouge agent released all the ghost class anomalies. 

It's unclear what happened afterwards but the machine powering the portal was eventually shut down and SCP-AGT managed to escape. Later on, he met with four homeless people named [data expunged], who recently got out of poverty after getting jobs. Meanwhile, the Foundation and the rest of the ACPA were busy punishing PENSTAGRAM and the rest of the US Government for once again conducting experiments outside of their control. Though the issue was resolved within a month and with the GOC's backing, PENSTAGRAM was allowed to continue existing. 

Afterwards the Foundation devoted it's time to finding all evidence of PENSTAGRAM's research including SCP-AGT himself. Though by the time the Foundation found him, his connection with SCP-AGT-Soul was severed, though the spirit chose to stay with him regardless. The Foundation discovered this the hard way when agents were deployed to contain him back in 2015. They were taken out by SCP-AGT-Soul without SCP-AGT himself knowing about it. As a response Mobile Task Force Alpha-9 "Last Hope" was called to action with Captain Wells being the sole agent in the mission as per her request. It was thanks to her power that she got passed SCP-AGT-Soul but also her experience and compassion that helped her connect with SCP-AGT and convince him to come to Foundation custody. Please see Addendum X-45 for details. 

***

Addendum X-45

The following is a recording between Captain Wells and SCP-AGT during the first negotiation talks to have SCP-AGT. The conversation takes place on the roof of the apartment building where SCP-AGT and his friends lived.

Being Recording

Captain Wells had just landed on the rooftop and saw SCP-AGT walk up from the stair to get some fresh air. 

Captain Wells: Nice view huh? 

SCP-AGT is visibly spooked when he noticed Captain Wells, causing her to giggle. 

SCP-AGT: Ah! who- who are you? 

Captain Wells: Charlie Wells! You and I area actually a lot alike.

Captain Wells then floated down using her magnetism powers to get her down safely. 

Captain Wells: In more ways than one. 

SCP-AGT: ... I ... I thought me and Aiden were the only ones.

Captain Wells: Oh, well technically you are. Okay look, you and I were both made by a science experiment that started off with our parents and ended up with us that much is true. Though you ended up not only with psychic powers but also a ghost twin. Me on the other hand...

Captain Wells raised her arm and fire manifested in the palm of her hand. 

Captain Wells: I got a different kind of gift. 

SCP-AGT: Woah, that's... that's actually pretty cool.

Captain Wells: Right? 

SCP-AGT: But I don't understand how can you do that?

Captain Wells: Something I inherited after the scientists experimented with my parents. I ended up being born with these powers entirely by accident. No one can really explain them they just... are. I can also sometimes see into the future which is an absolute pain in the ass, but it has its moments. 

SCP-AGT: I see. 

Captain Wells: Yeah I... 

SCP-AGT: ... Uh, you okay?

Captain Wells seems to be frozen for a moment but suddenly she releases a burst of energy around her temporarily revealing SCP-AGT-Soul.

Captain Wells: There you are! 

Captain Wells then entraps SCP-AGT-Soul within an energy bubble. Thanks to her physical contact with SCP-AGT-Soul she is able to make the wavelength of the energy the same ensuring SCP-AGT-Soul is imprisoned. 

SCP-AGT: Wha-! Aiden! What are you doing to him?!

Captain Wells: Ah! So, this is the guy who's been keeping us from finding you. 

SCP-AGT: What?! You've been looking for me.

Captain Wells: Ugh, yeah I was hoping to ease into this but... Look I came here to get you to uh... join our crew. 

SCP-AGT: Okay! Okay, whatever! I'll listen to whatever you have to say but please! Let Aiden go! 

Captain Wells: Right, right sorry.

Captain Wells released the bubble though Aiden for a moment shined in a faint red light of anger. 

Captain Wells: Yeah, yeah, you're the one who attacked me first punk. Don't be so huffy about it. Self-defense, asshole. 

SCP-AGT: You- You can understand him?

Captain Wells: No, but it's obvious he's still mad at me. 

SCP-AGT: So about that joining thing... are you what, going to recruit me into like the justice league or something.

Captain Wells: Oh man I loved those comics as a kid. But uh no, I actually work as a MTF Captain for the SCP Foundation.

SCP-AGT: ... I- I think I heard of that somewhere... No- No! You're not taking me back to PENTAGRAM! 

Captain Wells: Woah, woah! Take it easy! PENTAGRAM is already in deep shit for experimenting with the afterlife, so you don't need to worry about them. 

SCP-AGT: ... But you said you were here to here to get me to join something? From what I remember about PENTAGRAM they don't take no for an answer, so why should I expect the SCP Foundation to be any different? 

Captain Wells: Because I'll be willing to vouch for you.

SCP-AGT: Why- Why would you do that? 

Captain Wells: Because us anomalous humanoids have to stick together. Besides the Foundation knows better than to piss me off or any of the others so they make sure to do everything in their power to make us comfortable. 

SCP-AGT: I don't want to be comfortable I want to be free. 

Captain Wells: ... Be honest with me, does freedom really exist? Even if the SCP Foundation, PENTAGRAM, and the Global Occult Coalition were destroyed new anomalous organizations would show up. And that's just half of the problem, there are anomalies like us everywhere, and a lot, I mean A LOT of them are nowhere near as friendly as I am. 

SCP-AGT: Anomalous? You mean entities?

Captain Wells: ... You don't even know the half of it. Monsters, nightmares, gods, dimensional terrorists, cult powered capitalists, even literal demons form hell. Everything they put on those insane conspiracy websites are real. 

SCP-AGT: I... are you kidding me? 

Captain Wells: I wish.

SCP-AGT: So, what, no matter what I do there will always be monsters trying to kill me and those I love. As well as organizations trying to weaponize me. 

Captain Wells: ... Yeah. I know it sucks... no that's not the right word its fucking torture but... that's the anomalous life unfortunately. We don't get to choose, we're just stuck with it. But I'll tell you one thing, it's going to be a lot easier with friends.

Captain Wells then extended her hand to SCP-AGT and smiled.

Captain Wells: And you'll find no shortage of friends within the Foundation. Don't get me wrong there are the occasional asshole but, well... Just tell me their names and I'll set their asses on fire.

SCP-AGT smiled but looked back at the stairs to show his worry about the others. 

SCP-AGT: ... You said your willing to vouch for me?

Captain Wells: Anything you want, darling.

SCP-AGT: ... I want a good life and good jobs for my friends. All four of them! I want them to never have to worry about money again.

Captain Wells: Hah! Done and done, you don't even need me to vouch for you on that one, The Foundation is anti-capitalist. They are willing to give both essential and non-essential items to make sure everyone is alive and doing well. No money required just do your part and you'll be fine. 

SCP-AGT: Really, that's- that's already so much better than PENTAGRAM.

Captain Wells: Told ya!

SCP-AGT: Ha... Oh, but the baby too! Yeah, they have a baby and I want her to get into a good school as well. 

Captain Wells: Oh, we got one of the best schools in New Marais! She'll love it! 

SCP-AGT: New Marais? Isn't that the Louisiana town that got destroyed in that freak accident? 

Captain Wells: Yeah, the Foundation had to put that front to make it seem like that. It's actually one of the few places in the world where anomalous humanoids like us can be free to do whatever we want there. So long as it's not illegal of course. 

SCP-AGT: ... Woah...

Captain Wells: Yup, trust me, it's going to take a while to get used to, but this is going to be the best decision in your life. 

SCP-AGT: You can really guarantee that? You're not brainwashed or something?

Captain Wells: Brainwashed? Me?! Pfft! They couldn't even brainwash Iris! That girl may living her best life, but she will never let the Foundation forget how much she hates it. The Foundation sucks in a lot of ways but they never forget they can't keep the place running without us. 

SCP-AGT: ... Thank you.

Captain Wells: For what?

SCP-AGT: For coming here yourself, I don't think I would have trusted anyone else. 

Captain Wells: Yeah, I'm going to be honest with you, I wasn't the first choice. Your boyfriend here got rid of the other guys who tried to recruit you. 

SCP-AGT: Okay, first of all gross, he's my brother. Second of all, Aiden! Seriously?!

Captain Wells: It's okay, I mean- They died but they weren't exactly known to be nice. 

SCP-AGT: You're not mad their dead?

Captain Wells: They weren't my friends so no. I know it sounds cold hearted but after I lost my parents, I made sure to reserve my compassion for only those that are really worth caring for. Otherwise... my heart probably wouldn't be able to take it. 

SCP-AGT: ... I know that feeling. So, the Foundation is willing to hear my requests?

Captain Wells: And accept them with smiling faces! 

SCP-AGT: Thank you, I'll tell the others. 

Captain Wells: Take all the time you need, I'm sure it's going to be a lot to process.

SCP-AGT: Yeah, I know what that's like. Still thank you. 

Recording Ends

***

SCP-AGT terms were accepted with ease and no complications were made. Despite the fact that SCP-AGT and SCP-AGT-Soul were separated, they stay rather close to one another. Furthermore SCP-AGT has retained a small amount of his anomalous abilities. Because of this, when processed by the Anomalous Employment Division, The Department of Technology, Alchemy, Science, Magic, and Warfare offered him a position within Mobile Task Force Hecate-Alpha "Real Magic". His training would be conducted at Site-AR where he will work within Division "Sorcerer's Staff" as a part of on-site security. Despite his training not being complete yet, everyone is to refer to him as Jodie Jaden Holmes under the authority of the AED. 

Side Note - SCP-AGT claims to be suffering nightmares of a future where a rift to the afterlife will be opened forever causing an K Class Apocalyptic Scenario on earth forever. When this will happen is unknown, but it is suspected to happen when [data expunged] becomes of age. SCP-AGT claims she will be the savior of the new world, as such she will undergo training when she reaches the age of 12 and be tested for the possibility of having anomalous abilities. 

Update 2020 - SCP-AGT has transitioned into a male. With respect for his identity as well as Protocol “Anomalous Lives Matter” taken into consideration, this document will be edited to his current pronouns and his dead name shall be redacted. The AED would like to remind everyone that there has been no change to Protocol “United We Stand” any and all staff that show discrimination for any reason will be considered a liability to the Foundation and suffer heavy consequences, REGARDLESS of the severity of the crime. 

Side Note: [data expunged] has reached the age of 12, her training to become a future MTF unit as well as the possible savior of humanity begins now. 

.

SCP: Horror Movie Files Hub

[solarmorrigan]

Well, it's -5° F and the library is open! And I'm sitting here in two layers of pants, a sweater, a scarf, fingerless gloves, and a very bad mood so that fuckin... one dude can use a study room, I guess!