#emphasis on the plural
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Welcome to Unhinged Hours, a series of posts that will be tagged as such in which I will overshare my cringiest and most awkward thoughts because I've no self-control over my need to vent. And who knows. Might help someone else.
Don't mind the dubious syntax and weird grammar.
[cw brief mention of abuse]
When I was 17-19, I was mortified to discover I was attracted to (much) older people. During my early twenties, the majority of my crushes were in their thirties. I knew the age gap was too big and I was too young, so I did nothing about them and naively thought this was something that would fix itself with time. I thought "at least I know I find people in their thirties attractive so I just have to wait to reach mine and date people my age then" (lmao good one past me). Well. As I'm inching ever closer to said thirties, it's more and more evident that the issue clearly did NOT fix itself, those old crushes are nearing their forties and I haven't stopped carrying them in my heart. They're attractive in new ways. When I look at pics from back when I first developed a crush, I find that my current 27yo self isn't physically attracted to their 32yo self I was originally attracted to anymore. And I know for a fact that 21yo me wouldn't have found 38yo [redacted] hot. But current me is still attracted to current them (38yo [redacted] is indeed very hot). And you might wonder what's the issue here, so lemme tell you. I've been frequenting online feminist spaces for a decade. I've read countless accounts of teenage girls and young women who were manipulated and abused by older partners. I've read an inordinate amount of warnings, the gist of all of them being “don't date older folks during your formative years, don't believe them when they call you 'mature for your age'”. And let me be crystal clear — I still think it's relevant and infinitely important to relay those accounts and protect girls and young women, and help them spot red flags and predatory patterns. It absolutely is, I am not blaming feminism for my existential struggles. I am simply giving you context. The thing is, I've internalised this as “don't ever pursue older folks, period” (which is a completely different thing, I knew that then and still know it now but couldn't help it) and as a result I've been lugging around self-inflicted guilt and shame for years (and don't I love the internalised biphobia that adds to it when the person happens to be a man /s). And these crushes I've been telling you about? They're one-sided! They've never expressed any interest, so that's always been a safe situation for me, but did that prevent any self-loathing from taking root in my brain? Course it didn't! I can't seem to shake the feeling that there's something wrong with me and I've grown tired of this. Scolding myself over human emotions is getting fucking old.
That brings me to today's crisis — at which point in one's life does it get easier to accept? How old is old enough to stop caring about the age gap? When will I stop blaming myself? How do I drop the guilt?
Because if it was "just" the fact that I'm still swooning over the same people (who are now soon-to-be 40), that would be too easy, wouldn't it? But nooo I just had to go and get a new crush on someone who's already in their forties. Where does this end, please?
(You might've noticed that the overuse of the word 'crush' and choosing to focus on the physical aspect of attraction here is a poor attempt at a euphemism. I mean some of them are simple crushes, as for the others... past a certain point, still calling them crushes is just denial on my part. I'm basically fooling myself.)
“This is a crisis. A large crisis. In fact, if you've got a moment, it's a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24-hour porterage and an enormous sign on the roof saying 'this is a Large Crisis'.” (Blackadder Goes Forth, ep. 6)
#questions I'm gonna regret asking#I still get crushes on ppl my age! it's just if there was a pie chart representing my crushes the biggest slice would be older peeps#and that's been concerning me for so many years#and it's getting more and more unclear how founded and relevant that concern is as I grow older myself#very confusing to note that my overall taste in ppl has changed overtime and yet#and yet I'm crushing on the same ppl I was crushing on in my early twenties#oh you must have so many questions... well let's just say I wasn't trying to be funny when I said I had romantic orientationS#emphasis on the plural#trying not to think too closely about the...#forbidden 44yo crush#unhinged hours#this is a large crisis#being engaged and still experiencing the joys of pining. poly thing ig?#oh no look who's rambling in the tags again#I promise I will find a way to elaborate on those romantic orientationS + crushes + my engagement that won't make me sound like a madman
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MASTER: Do you remember the name experiment, Doctor? The names. DOCTOR: Ah... ELANORA: What names? MASTER: Our names! DOCTOR: It was just a practical joke. MASTER: Can we create a perfect tactical pinpoint alteration of the timelines? Wipe both our birthnames clean. Replace them. You, the Doctor. Me, the Master. DOCTOR: We went too far. MASTER: So that no one would remember our true names but us. And we succeeded. A half-dismantled TARDIS, a link to the Matrix, time rewritten yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
— Blood of the Time Lords
#twelfth doctor#missy#gomez!master#doctor x master#doctor who#dwedit#dw#flashing#flashing gif#*#(from 'blood of the time lords')#i will die for the fact that they erased their names together.#so yeah. children can hear his name! two very particular children.#two children with their hearts (emphasis on the plural) in the right place.#looking up at some very particular stars. and making a pact.....
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; giggling I js spent like 20 minutes making a system group photo w our sources and hehevehebeg CRYING we're like a walking crackfic this is amazing 😭
ㅤ- ( the pfps are our brainmades )
- myles ( he/rot )
#- ⭐🦊#described#id in alt text#xe didn't want the alt text to be ridiculously long so it's js characters#plural#system group photo#group photo#plurality#endo safe#pluralgang#pluralpunk#pro endo#plural system#emphasis on badly done but ‼️#also this is js sources we don't all identify heavily as these but js putting our pfps was .. hmm#so ^_^#plurals#pluralsonder#plural community#system sillies#funny#fictives#fictive heavy#introjects#introject heavy#what in the crackfic#<- a repeated thought throughout this. from many of us#heheheheeee#might add this to our pinned who knows
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did tim leave in tunnel because it's a play on "light at the end of the tunnel"
#additional thought. evelyn (rich)ards + timothy price is a funny name combo it's so literal. they r kind of meant to be together honestly..#also was victor influenced by 'history is written by the victors' (emphasis on the plural) at all. Lots to ponder on.#post
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kdnfb's Ten Years of Fancition Mania
Featuring: Lay Me Down, Let Me Dream
Summary: Katniss and Peeta share a bond so strong, even death cannot defy it. When tragedy threatens to separate them forever, Peeta risks his soul to save Katniss from an eternity of despair. Inspired by the book, What Dreams May Come by Richard Matheson and the movie by the same name, starring Robin Williams, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Annabella Sciorra. Written for Prompts in Panem, Real or Not Real: Everlark Dreamscape Week, Spring 2015
Rating: M for Major Character Deaths, Minor Character Deaths, Suicide, Afterlife, Heaven, Hell, Reincarnation (Literally Everybody Dies)...
A/N: First of all, I co-wrote this story with titaniasfic what feels like forever and an age ago. Second of all, we mean those warning tags. This story is not for the faint of heart. That being said, Lay Me Down, Let Me Dream holds a special place in my heart as the first multichapter story I finished, and a lot of that is due to my co-author. We both brought our betas at the time on board to help with the project, edited each other's work and found a kind of synergy in creation that I can't even imagine recreating, and we pushed each other to get through to the end, which wasn't an easy feat.
Somewhere in the middle of writing LMD, I was in an awful car wreck, which... if you know the plot, you know why that's ironic and a little disturbing. My car was totaled, the entire front end scattered in pieces across the road, and I spent a couple weeks high on pain meds and muscle relaxers. My back was left in bad shape, until a different injury years later got me into physical therapy and they somehow managed to deal with the damage from both. And after the accident, there were still about three chapters to write (I think. I can't be sure. See the note about being high on pain meds and muscle relaxers).
Still, even with that, and everything else the two of us had going on in life, somehow we planned, wrote, and finished the entire story in roughly a month. Five chapters in five days, one on the makeup day, and the final chapter shortly thereafter. AND I still to this day think this is some of my strongest Everlark writing.
Banner at the top was made for Lay Me Down, Let Me Dream by the insanely talented and lovely @akai-echo. And yes, LMD is a soulmates au. So if you're brave enough to try it...
Lay Me Down, Let Me Dream on AO3
<3 kdnfb
#major character deathSSSSSS#emphasis on the plural there#words are peetas thing not mine#ten years of fanfiction mania#lay me down let me dream
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RISE 'N SHINE BABES. IT'S FRED DURST FRIDAY!
#he's tanning like the god he is#dem sum sexy black shorts#look at him stretched out and splayed. showin' off the tats like I like.#Freddy your BTE is showing. BIG THOT ENERGY.#I just hope he has some sunscreen on. sunburns suck and the melanomas be out there like that. making it plural for emphasis.#Fred Durst#Limp Bizkit#nu metal#Freddy D#The Chocolate Starfish is My Man Fred Durst#On my Freddy D bullshit for Fred Durst Friday#down the rabbit hole
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bing "bing "bing "bing "bing "bing "bing "bing "bing "recursion" crosby" crosby" crosby" crosby" crosby" crosby" crosby" crosby" crosby
hey, anon? i was busy yesterday so i didn't see these. are you okay? do you need help?
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i could never be a demigod i’d miss saying jesus christ too much
#demigod wrt pjo or perhaps themyscira. both work#like for the love of god. for god’s sake. it just doesn’t hit with the plural#i don’t even believe i just like the cadence. the emphasis. so much can go into it
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if they don’t do anything for companions weeks or like “the podcast was the thing” ngl ill scream
#the podcast wasn’t even ANNOUCED during companions week#and like they better not do the shit they just did where they showcase ONE companion on like the LAST day of the week#i’m ngl that will actually make me so mad lol#what’s the point in calling it ‘spotlight on high level combat’ and ‘COMPANIONS EMPHASIS ON THE PLURAL week and then only focusing one#i’ll kill someone idk#lyriumsings txt
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I swear, some people are allergic to positivity. "Oh no the traumagenic tag is full of pro-endos, I'm so MAD about this!" Dude. Take a chill pill, first off. Second off, plenty of traumagenic systems are pro-endo because they find more of a COMMUNITY in those spaces. There is no contradiction.
Ask me, would we as a traumagenic system rather be in a space full of people who debate and rage against the existence of non-traumagenics and build up an atmosphere of fear of being fakeclaimed? Or in a community with an emphasis on positivity that accepts people for who they claim to be?
Maybe we traumagenics don't know everything about plurality? What happened to live and let live? Maybe we'd rather just talk about our experiences as they are, regardless of whether or not we came from trauma, and bond over the thing we DO have in common--- plurality?
Sorry but the second option sounds more like a community to me. And my system and I will never apologize for choosing it.
If you make your bed in fear, you have to lie in it. If you make your bed in kindness, you'll have a damn good night's sleep.
#adamv-eklesia#adam the fictive#anti endos dni#i hate DNIs but fuck it this post makes me anxious every day#fictive#plural#plurality#endo safe#pro endo#syscourse#traumagenic system#eisotraumagenic
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Making a list of random Russian words I think Heavy would say so y'all can stop putting "da" and "niet" everywhere.
"Ну" - an interjection, untranslatable.
"Так" - "so" - another interjection.
"Всё" - "all" / "that's all" - usually used to signify being done with something. "Всё, I'm tired, let's go home." Can be used in conjunction with past tense to signify an intention. "Всё, I left. " ("That's it, I'm leaving.")
"Ну да." - "Yeah, right." - sarcastic.
"Ну да, конечно." - "Yeah, right, of course." - very sarcastic.
"Тихо" - "quiet" / "be quiet" - can be used literally, but also has mild comedic potential. Use it when someone is making a point that is factually correct, contradicts your point, but also you kind of hate it. "I am pretty good at chess." - "You never won against Medic." - "Тихо."
"Куда?!" - "Where?!" - use when someone or something is moving in a direction you neither expected nor desired. For a more obscene (mat) version, see: "Куда, бля?!"
"Давай" - "let's go" - can be used in a variety of contexts, including but not limited to: a suggestion, an encouragement, a sarcastic taunt, and a substitute for "goodbye". "Давай, see you later."
"Отстань" - "leave me alone" - said when annoyed by someone. For a mat version see "отъебись", for plural see "отстаньте" and "отъебитесь".
"Ладно" - "alright" - has a ton of uses. One I'd like to see is reluctantly agreeing to something you'd previously dismissed. "Ладно, you convinced me!"
"Короче" - lit. "shorter" - an extremely common interjection. Depending on context, can be translated as "so" or "to put it briefly". "The BLU team has a turret on the roof, a stickybomb ambush in the tunnel, and a Spy in our territory - короче, we are fucked."
"Хорошо" - "fine". Can be used instead of "ладно" or in the same sentence. "Всё, ладно, хорошо, you convinced me! Now отстань."
"Бывает" - lit. "Happens" - used when reacting to a relatable story, or when trying to comfort someone who just experienced an unpleasant but relatively minor thing. Not unkind, but not overly empathetic either. My sis said it when my cousin announced his breakup at the family table. Happens. Shrug.
"Надо" - "need" or "gotta" - used in response to someone protesting the inevitable. "I don't wanna wake up at 6 frickin' AM to do Soldier's stupid frickin' training!" - "Надо, Scout, надо."
"Жесть" - lit. "Tin" - not sure where the use comes from, but it's said in reaction to something shocking and almost always negative. "His head blew up. Жесть." Not a rule, but I would use it with a period instead of an exclamation mark, for emphasis.
"Ужас" - "horror" - same context as "жесть", but worse. Can also be sarcastic. Can also extend into a full sentence: "Какой ужас!" - "What terror!".
"Стой" - lit. "Stand" (verb, imperative) - wait, hold on, hold up a minute, etc. See "стойте" for plural. "Подожди"/"погоди" (plural "подождите"/"погодите") is very similar and literally means "wait".
"Спасибо" - "thank you".
"Пожалуйста" - "please". Can also be a response to "thank you".
"Всегда пожалуйста" - "always please" - a very lovely response to "thank you", basically means you're always ready to help.
"Не за что" ("for nothing") and "на здоровье" ("for health") - two more nice responses to "thank you".
"Будь здоров" - lit. "Be healthy" - "bless you", like when someone sneezes.
Will add more later.
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more "troublesome" words
adverse, averse
Averse - reluctant or disinclined (think of aversion)
Adverse - hostile and antagonistic (think of adversary)
allay, alleviate, assuage, relieve
Alleviate - should suggest giving temporary relief without removing the underlying cause of a problem. It is close in meaning to ease, a fact obviously unknown to the writer of this sentence: “It will ease the transit squeeze, but will not alleviate it” (Chicago Tribune).
Allay and assuage - both mean to put to rest or to pacify and are most often applied to fears
Relieve - the more general term and covers all these meanings
ambiguous, equivocal
Both mean vague and open to more than one interpretation.
But whereas an ambiguous statement may be vague by accident or by intent,
an equivocal one is calculatedly unclear.
amid, among
Among - applies to things that can be separated and counted, amid to things that cannot.
Rescuers might search among survivors but amid wreckage.
amoral, immoral
Amoral - describes matters in which questions of morality do not arise or are disregarded;
immoral - applies to things that are evil.
antecedence, antecedents
Antecedence - means precedence;
antecedents - ancestors or other things that have gone before.
antennae, antennas
Either is correct as the plural of antenna,
but generally antennae - preferred for living organisms (“a beetle’s antennae”)
and antennas - for manmade objects (“radio antennas made possible the discovery of pulsars”).
anybody, anyone, anything, anyway, anywhere
Anything and anywhere - always one word.
The others are one word except when the emphasis is on the second element (e.g., “He received three job offers, but any one would have suited him”).
Anybody and anyone - singular and should be followed by singular pronouns and verbs.
A common fault is seen here:
“Anyone can relax, so long as they don’t care whether they or anyone else ever actually gets anything done” (Observer).
So long as they gets anything done?
The problem, clearly, is that a plural pronoun (they) is being attached to a singular verb (gets).
Such constructions may in fact be fully defensible, at least some of the time, though you should at least know why you are breaking a rule when you break it.
avenge, revenge
Generally, avenge - indicates the settling of a score or the redressing of an injustice. It is more dispassionate than
revenge - indicates retaliation taken largely for the sake of personal satisfaction.
a while, awhile
To write “for awhile” is wrong because the idea of for is implicit in awhile.
Write either: “I will stay here for a while” (two words) or “I will stay here awhile” (one word).
awoke, awaked, awakened
Two common problems are worth noting:
Awoken, though much used, is generally considered not standard. Thus this sentence from an Agatha Christie novel (cited by Partridge) is wrong: “I was awoken by that rather flashy young woman.” Make it awakened.
As a past participle, awaked is preferable to awoke. Thus, “He had awaked at midnight” and not “He had awoke at midnight.” But if ever in doubt about the past tense, you will never be wrong if you use awakened.
Source More: On Grammar & Vocabulary
#writeblr#grammar#studyblr#langblr#linguistics#dark academia#vocabulary#light academia#writing prompt#literature#poetry#writers on tumblr#poets on tumblr#writing reference#spilled ink#creative writing#fiction#novel#writing resources
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super short london slang guide !!
i haven't got a scooby doo about cockney so this is mainly gonna be mle and like the way 14 year old secondary school boys talk oookay let's go (just so yk i am a londonder!!!!!)
direct things to call people (or avoid calling people)
bruv, blud, man, mate, fam (can use in replacement of a pronoun like he, she, you and i or for emphasis — "man's got a meeting, bruv!")
more on "man" it can be used in plural too — "us man" or "them man" or "you man"
my g, my guy (for referring someone you are friendly/friends with)
bossman (something you'd call a shop or business owner — "aye bossman get me the 3 wings and chips yeah")
big man (usually used in a sarcastic friendly but kind of demeaning way, the older cousin of "big guy" — "oi big man what you sayin' cuz?"
i wasnt going to put these here cause of personal preference but 😭 people are gonna use them anyway so i might as well tell you what they mean:
peng (adjective cute/pretty — "her? she's peng!")
leng (adjective hot/sexy — "rah, he's leng you know?)
nouns
ting (usually to refer to a girlfriend but can also just mean "thing"... or a knife? — "don't chat to my ting fam!")
grim (very outdated word for a promiscuous woman — "she's a grim bruv!")
skeng (gun)
shank, spinner (knife)
paper, Ps, pronounced "peas" (money)
ends (neighbourhood, area — "if i catch you in my ends yeah")
mandem (group of friends — "having a laugh at the pub with the mandem" aha)
gyaldem (group of women / female friends)
ganja (weed)
blem (cigarette)
pagan/paigon (snitch or untrustworthy person, not a super common you might wanna use "snake" or "snitch" instead)
wasteman (someone who's useless, a lowlife)
pussio/pussyo (pussy, coward)
other common words and phrases
wagwan, or "wag1" in text (what's up, what's going on)
bare (a lot — "i got bare problems with him!")
gassed (prideful, full of yourself — "im actually so gassed, man got promoted"
"and that" (instead of "and stuff" — "i got links and that")
"allow it" (let something slide — "i forgot my wallet allow it bossman")
safe (like "alright cool", or as a bye — "aight safe")
"pattern up" (fix up, get it together)
hard, tight (cool, good, though "hard" is also used in an offensive way — "bro thinks he's hard, pussio")
blam (to get shot, not actually very common to hear in my experience)
sheffed (up), shanked (to get stabbed)
ahlie (used as an interjection when in agreement with something, similar to phrase "am i lying?")
non-mle specific words i hear sometimes
thick (dumb, stupid)
clapped/tapped (ugly, weird, unattractive)
merk/murk (kill, beat up)
slag, sket (slut)
chav (used to refer to someone of the low social status, associated with violent or rude behaviour)
taking the mick, taking the piss (being annoying)
mad (means crazy obviously but people use it a lot, can have positive and negative connotations — "that's mad!")
nonce (literally means pedophile / sex offender, do what you will with it 😭)
dickhead, bellend (similar to douchebag)
wanker (used towards someone you dislike, or in a joking way)
geezer (usually to refer to an old man)
also!!!
depending on which communities are predominant in the area, words from other languages can come in / have come in
some words are common with US slang too because they share origins 😁 ain't that cool
there's a lot of influence from jamaican patois due to the history of british jamaicans in london for ex in words like "ting" or "mandem" or "wagwan" (hence why mle is sometimes referred to as "jafrican") and its not strange to hear "bomboclaat" or "bloodclaat" here either
in communities where there's muslims and arabs (especially in east london) you might hear arabic terms like "wallahi", "khalas" or "astagfirullah" (though people debate whether that's cultural appropriation or not)
south asians have also had an influence with words like "gora" or "ganja" though again this is largely area based and the impact of hinglish is also found a lot outside of london
some people have a mix of different dialects! i mainly alternate between mle and estuary (sometimes yorkshire don't ask it is very easy to pick up...)
you're not gonna hear every single word here all the time the usage varies throughout london. the way north and west londoners speak can be v different for example
uhhhh if you wanna learn properly just listen to some grime or sutn . listen to londoners speak!
for some more resources in-depth PLEASE check out these guides made by other british people ! (one and two)
ok that's it bye bye british ppl & londoners feel free to add on! it is midnight rn so ive probably missed stuff lol... dms are open in case you've got any questions or want any help :p
#vee rants#hobie brown x reader#spider punk#spider uk#hobart brown#hobie brown#hobie brown x gn!reader#british accent#london accent#potential to be edited
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Japanese vs. English Todoroki Family Finale - A 426 Comparison
Just a few days after Horikoshi announced that there were only 5 chapters left, the so-called final chapter for the Todoroki family came out, as always sparking lots of discussion and bringing forth countless questionable takes, followed by the release of the official English translation.
So let’s take a closer look at the Japanese lines, starting with the Todoroki family’s short conversation before going to see Touya:
「来なくて大丈夫って言ったのに!」
「来なくて ; konakute」-> not coming 「大丈夫 ; daijoubu」-> okay; alright 「って ; tte」-> quoting particle (casual of と) 「言った ; itta」-> said 「のに ; noni」-> even though
= “Even though we said it’s okay not to come.”
「それを言うなら貴方たちもよ冬美夏雄」
「それ ; sore」-> that 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「言う ; iu」-> to say 「なら ; nara」-> that being the case; on the topic of 「貴方たち ; anatatachi」-> you (plural) 「も ; mo」-> also; too 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「冬美 ; fuyumi」-> Fuyumi 「夏雄 ; natsuo」-> Natsuo
= “On the topic of saying that, you too, Fuyumi, Natsuo.”
What stood out to me here was Rei calling him Natsuo, when usually, everyone else (except Endeavor) calls him Natsu-kun or Natsu. Calling him by the full version of his first name rather than a shortened version might be done to indicate that things have changed, although not necessarily in a negative way. It's more that there has been a shift.
By the way, I am working on a masterpost talking about how the family addresses + refers to each other. Yes, I am going through the entire manga for that (this is a cry for help). Once the manga is finished I will post it (at some point), so look out for that if you’re interested in finding out exactly how many times who gets called what (yes, I am counting and making graphs)!
「お母さんでも…」
「お母さん ; okaasan」-> mom 「でも ; demo」-> but
= “But mom…”
「それを言うならおまえもだ冷」
「それ ; sore」-> that 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「言う ; iu」-> to say 「なら ; nara」-> that being the case; on the topic of 「おまえ ; omae」-> you 「も ; mo」-> also; too 「だ ; da」-> be 「冷 ; rei」-> Rei
= “On the topic of saying that, you too, Rei.”
I love that he almost fully copies Rei’s phrase here. This is the first of many unoriginal lines that he has in this chapter. It only goes downhill from here.
「義務感で来たんじゃねぇから!皆そうだろ」
「義務感 ; gimukan」-> sense of duty (obligation) 「で ; de」-> with; by 「来た ; kita」-> came 「ん ; n」-> explanatory particle 「じゃねえ ; janee」-> isn’t 「から ; kara」-> because; so (used to change the other person’s thoughts etc.) 「皆 ; mina」-> everyone 「そう ; sou」-> so; that way 「だろ ; daro」-> right?
= “I didn’t come out of a sense of duty! Everyone is that way, right?”
Usually, a second phrase would follow up the kara, but can also be left out when the meaning of that second phrase is implied enough. Since Fuyumi said Shouto didn’t have to come (if he didn’t want to, didn’t feel comfortable etc.) there is an implication that perhaps he only showed up because he felt like that was expected of him. Ending his clarification of “I didn’t come because I felt obligated” with kara “so” the implied follow up would be along the lines of “don’t worry”, which then gets wrapped up suggesting that all of them are showing up not because they feel pressured to do so, but because they want to visit Touya - since they basically just went around in a circle letting each other know they didn’t have to come if they don’t want to.
「会話は可能ですが一日に数分が限界です」
「会話 ; kaiwa」-> conversation 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「可能 ; kanou」-> possible 「です ; desu」-> to be 「が ; ga」-> but 「一日 ; ichi nichi」-> one day 「に ; ni」-> at; in 「数分 ; suufun」-> a few minutes 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「限界 ; genkai」-> limit 「です ; desu」-> to be
= “Conversations are possible, but a few minutes a day is the limit.”
I’m not sure how long Touya has been in here, but this line indicates that the staff members have been talking to him and I’d be curious to know what those conversations were like. What did they talk about? What kind of attitude did he give them? What was his reaction when he first regained consciousness? These are the questions we want answered, but alas, the Todoroki family plot simply isn’t about him. All the way to the bitter end it shall remain focusing on the most underrepresented group of them all: rich middle-aged men.
「緩やかに死へと向かっている…それが今の轟燈矢です」
「緩やかに ; yuruyakani」-> slowly 「死 ; shi」-> death 「へと ; e to」-> towards 「向かっている ; mukatteiru」-> to face; to head toward 「れ ; sore」-> that 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「今 ; ima」-> now; current 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「轟燈矢 ; todoroki touya」-> Touya Todoroki 「です ; desu」-> to be
= “Slowly heading towards death… that is the current Touya Todoroki.”
The particle e is a directional particle that can be translated as “toward”. Adding the particle to after it adds an emotional emphasis to the part that follows the to particle as opposed to just stating a fact, there is sympathy in this claim.
As for the claim itself - I know that a lot of people are convinced he is going to die because look! Random nameless character #47AAB7 said so, it must be true! But to be honest, I’m not even going to entertain that thought because despite all the criticism I have for this story, Horikoshi isn’t that bad of a writer. If he had wanted Touya dead, he could’ve easily killed him at the end of the last war. It makes zero sense for him to be saved and then pass away quietly and peacefully in a hospital (or whatever that place is).
Even if we were to say that Shouto managed to save him emotionally, so that counts as a win! It’s kind of a shit win if the only difference is that you now get to die “at peace”, which also could’ve been accomplished on the battlefield. At this point, it’s just inefficient and therefore, him dying at this point is not going to happen.
「........ぞろぞろと」
「ぞろぞろ ; zorozoro」-> in droves; swarming 「と ; to」-> adds emphasis
= “....In droves”
Zorozoro is used to describe several beings (can be humans or animals) that appear or move together like a swarm. This certainly is the first time the entire family is together, so it’s not surprising the rare sight is being pointed out in a joking manner, although he undoubtedly means this in a positive way as it contradicts his prior belief of no one in his family caring about him or missing him.
The fact that, upon first waking up after his coma as a teenager his immediate thought was to return and apologize, and now after ten years he finally gets the chance to talk to them and what is the first thing coming out of his mouth? Calling them a swarm. Forever and always the most relatable character.
「ハハ…観光名所じゃねぇんだよ........」
「ハハ ; haha」-> haha 「観光名所 ; kankoumeisho」-> tourist attraction; sightseeing spot 「じゃねぇ ; janee」-> isn’t 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle
= “Haha… It’s not a tourist attraction, right?”
If he was a tourist attraction, Hori better drop the location right now. Please. For research purposes or whatever.
「燈矢」
「燈矢 ; touya」-> Touya
= “Touya.”
「今後の話をしに来たんだ燈矢」
「今後 ; kongo」-> from now on 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「話 ; hanashi」-> talk, conversation 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「しに来た ; shi ni kita」-> came to do sth 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle 「燈矢 ; touya」-> Touya
= “I came to talk about the future, Touya.”
Kongo literally means “after now” or in other words, the future.
「俺はヒーローを引退するよ」
「俺 ; ore」-> I 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「ヒーロー ; hiirou」-> hero 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「引退する ; intai suru」-> to retire 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle
= “I am retiring from being a Hero.”
He says as though he has a choice. This is also one of those “This could’ve been an email” kinds of lines.
「元より戦いが終わったらそうするつもりだったが 最早自力で立つことすらままならん」
「元より ; moto yori」-> all along; from the first 「戦い ; tatakai」-> war 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「終わったら ; owattara」-> when it ended 「そう ; sou」-> so; that way 「する ; suru」-> to do 「つもり ; tsumori」-> to plan 「だった ; datta」-> was 「が ; ga」-> but 「最早 ; mohaya」-> already; no longer 「自力 ; jiriki」-> one’s own strength 「で ; de」-> with 「立つ ; tatsu」-> to stand 「こと ; koto 」-> nominalizes prior word/phrase 「すら ; sura」-> even 「ままならん ; mama naran」-> beyond one’s control; unable to do as one wishes
= “Since after the first war ended, I decided to do so, but I not I am not even able to stand on my own anymore.”
Mamanaru combines the words mama “as it is; as one likes” and naranai “to be unable to” to create a word that describes that something is beyond one’s control, one is unable to do as they wish or something is not going the way one wants it to. In other words, a great word to sum up Endeavor’s entire life story.
The way he continuously takes over conversations that are supposed to be about the entire family - aka his victims - and makes it about himself while pitying himself - in front of his victims - never fails to impress me. At least he is consistent I guess, but it would have been great to see him actually change in the end. Surely he is done, oh no, nevermind, he keeps talking-
「ヒーローエンデヴァーは焼かれて死んだ
おまえの炎は誰よりも強かった」
「ヒーロー ; hiirou」-> hero 「エンデヴァー ; endevaa」-> Endeavo 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「焼かれて ; yakarete」-> burned 「死んだ ; shinda」-> died 「おまえ ; omae」-> you 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「炎 ; honoo」-> flame 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「誰 ; dare」-> anyone 「よりも ; yorimo」-> more than 「強かった ; tsuyokatta」-> was strong
= “The hero Endeavor was burned and died. Your flames were stronger than anyone else’s.”
「そっか ご愁傷様 事が済んでから諂うなよ…卑怯者…」
「そっか ; sokka」-> I see 「ご愁傷様 ; goshuushousama」-> my condolences 「事 ; koto」-> things; matter 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「済んでから」-> after it ended (済む + てから) 「諂う ; hetsurau」-> to flatter; to suck up to; to carry favour 「な ; na」-> na (negative command form) 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「卑怯者 ; hikyoumono」-> coward
= “I see. My condolences. Don’t suck up to me after it’s over… coward…”
Here is my beef with the official translation: they keep making Touya say the most random words and phrases, but then don’t make him say “don’t curry favour”?? “Don’t be toady”?? “Don’t be toady, Todoroki” would go so hard… wait… you know what… Here’s a little extra from me to you:
Back to business:
「そうだな 燈矢は誰のことをよくわかってる ずっと見てたんだもんな」
「そう ; sou」-> so; that way 「だ ; da」-> be 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「燈矢 ; touya」-> Touya 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「誰 ; dare」-> anyone 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「こと ; koto 」-> nominalizes prior word/phrase 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「よく ; yoku」-> well 「わかってる ; wakatteru」-> to understand 「ずっと ; zutto」-> continuously 「見てた ; miteta」-> was watching 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle 「もん ; mon」-> because; indicates reason 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation
= “That’s right, isn’t it. You know everyone so well. Because you have been watching continuously.”
「俺に見てほしかったんだもんな
なのに見なかった…」
「俺 ; ore」-> I 「に ; ni」-> at 「見てほしかった ; mitehoshikatta」-> wanted me to look 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle 「もん ; mon」-> because; indicates reason 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「なのに ; nanoni」-> and yet; despite that 「見なかった ; minakatta」-> didn’t look
= “You wanted me to look, right? Despite that I didn’t look…”
If I didn’t know any better I would say this was a conversation with a toddler. I usually like to point out that Horikoshi really nails the sibling experience, but he is also, unfortunately, really good at accurately writing how privileged middle-aged men talk. A mangaka of many talents, but at what cost?
「俺はお父さんの子どもなんだから」
「俺 ; ore」-> I 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「お父さん ; otousan」-> dad 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「子ども ; kodomo」-> child 「なんだ ; nanda」-> explanatory particle 「から ; kara」-> because; so
= “Because I am dad’s child.”
「おまえはエンデヴァーじゃない!!」
「おまえ ; omae」-> you 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「エンデヴァー ; endevaa」-> Endeavor 「じゃない ; janai」-> isn’t
= ”You aren’t Endeavor!!”
Yes. That’s why we love him.
「誰が何と言おうと........ おまえの炎(ねつ)は俺のヘルフレイムだ
あの告発映像を毎日見続けている」
「誰 ; dare」-> someone 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「何と ; nanto」-> what 「言うと ; iou to」-> to try to say 「おまえ ; omae」-> you 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「炎 ; honoo」-> flames 「ねつ ; netsu」-> heat; rage; mania 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「俺 ; ore」-> I 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「ヘルフレイム ; herufureimu」-> Hell Flame 「だ ; da」-> be 「あの ; ano」-> that 「告発 ; kokuhatsu」-> complaint; prosecution 「映像 ; eizou」-> footage 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「毎日 ; mainichi」-> every day 「見続けている ; mitsuzuketeiru」-> continue to watch
= “Whatever people try to say… Your flames (rage) are my Hellflame. I’ve continuously watched your prosecution video every day.”
This wouldn’t be a translation breakdown if we didn’t have a case of the furigana don’t match the kanji! Essentially what this means is that the furigana - written in brackets - show what the character says out loud, while the kanji shows what the character means. This time, when we get the kanji for flames in the second sentence, the furigana read netsu, which can meat “heat”, but also refer to “rage” or “mania” and since flames are hot, “heat” wouldn’t make it necessary to opt for a different reading, hence Endeavor is saying that the rage of Dabi was, in fact, Endeavor’s Hellflame.
「おど��゙さん見で」
「おどお゙さん ; odoosan」-> dad 「見で ; mide」-> look
= “Dad, look”
You might notice that the words are spelled differently from the normal otousan and mite. Softening the t sounds to a d sound highlights the difficulties he has speaking while being on fire. In addition to the softened t to d, the u also gets changed into an o with dakuten (the two lines on top), which only exist for the sounds that can become softer (t->d, h->b, k->g, s->j), which can’t be done to a vowel like o. In this case, the dakuten suggests that the o is said with emotion and somehow stands out from how it would be said normally.
「これからー」
「これから ; korekara」-> from now on
= “From now on-”
「毎日来る 話をしよう」
「毎日 ; mainichi」-> every day 「来る ; kuru 」-> to come 「話 ; hanashi」-> talk; conversation; chat 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「しよう ; shiyou」-> let’s do/have
= “I will come every day. Let’s talk.”
「あまりに遅すぎたけれど話そう」
「あまりに; amari ni」-> too much; overly 「遅すぎた ; ososugita」-> was too late 「けれど ; keredo」-> however 「話そう ; hanasou」-> let’s talk
= “I was much too late, but let’s talk.”
Both amari ni and adding -sugiru to the stem of a verb can be translated as “too much” and in combination place an additional emphasis on the verb, in this case, being late, which could be referencing anything from the specific instances he showed up to too late (i.e. when Touya set himself on fire on Sekoto Peak) or in a more general sense him trying to show up as a father too late (the only example would be showing up in the hospital here and the fact he has retired and plans on protecting the family from facing any consequences for all of this, although even that is still more the bare minimum of making up for his mistakes rather than being a father but I doubt he understands the difference).
「心拍数上昇これ以上は負担が」
「心拍数 ; shinpakusuu」-> heart rate 「上昇 ; joushou」-> rising; ascending 「これ以上 ; kore ijou」 - > any more; any further; any longer 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「負担 ; futan」-> burden, load 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle
= “His heart rate is rising. Any more will (be) a burden.”
The ga would normally be followed by a verb (in this case most likely kakaru = to put), but is being omitted here as the meaning can be understood regardless.
「冷 夏雄 冬美 焦凍が… 残してくれた時間で話そう」
「冷 ; rei」-> Rei 「夏雄 ; natsuo」-> Natsuo 「冬美 ; fuyumi」-> Fuyumi 「焦凍 ; shouto」-> Shouto 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「残してくれた」-> reserved for us (残す+くれる) 「時間 ; jikan」-> time 「で ; de」-> with 「話そう ; hanasou」-> let’s talk
= “Rei, Natsuo, Fuyum. Let’s talk with the time Shouto reserved for us.
Adding -tekureta after nokosu implies that someone did a favor for the speaker. Here, it means that Shouto reserved the time to talk to Touya for them.
「憎いなら…憎いと なんでもいい ぶつけてくれ���!」
「憎い ; nikui」-> hateful 「なら ; nara」-> if 「憎い ; nikui」-> hateful 「と ; to」-> speech particle 「なんでもいい ; nandemo ii」-> anything is fine; it doesn’t matter what 「ぶつけてくれ ; butsuketekure」-> throw it at me
= “If you hate me… hate me. Anything is fine, throw it at me…!!”
「燈矢兄私も…!」
「燈矢兄 ; touya nii」-> Touya-Nii 「私 ; watashi」-> I 「も ; mo」-> also; too
= “Touya-nii, me too…!”
「話したい事たくさんあるの」
「話したい ; hanashitai」-> want to talk 「事 ; koto」-> things 「たくさん ; takusan」-> a lot 「ある ; aru」-> to be 「の ; no」-> explanatory particle
= “There are a lot of things I want to talk about.”
This is about him getting piercings and dying his hair isn’t it. Maybe even taking off his shirt on live TV in front of the entire country. If only we could see that conversation…
「今日は止めにしましょう!!また明日にでも…」
「今日 ; kyou」-> today 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「止めにしましょう , yame ni shimashou」-> let’s stop 「また ; mata」-> again 「明日 ; asu」-> tomorrow 「に ; ni」-> at 「でも ; demo」-> or something
= “Let’s stop for today!! (You can come back) tomorrow or something…”
「最後に一ついいですか 聞きたかったことあるんだ」
「最後 ; saigo」-> final 「に ; ni」-> at 「一つ ; hitotsu」-> one 「いい ; ii」-> good 「です ; desu」-> to be 「か ; ka」-> question marker particle 「聞きたかった」-> wanted to ask 「こと ; koto」-> thing 「ある ; aru」-> to be 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle
= “Can I (ask) one last thing? Because there is one thing I wanted to ask.”
The first panel or first sentence ends in the polite form using desu ka as he is asking the employee for permission to ask one more question. The second panel or sentence, on the other hand, is casual as it ends in da, so without even waiting to receive an answer from the employee, he instantly goes to directly address Touya-nii for this extremely important question.
「燈矢兄 好きな食べ物何?」
「燈矢兄 ; touya nii」-> Touya-Nii 「好きな ; suki」-> to like 「食べ物 ; tabemono」-> food 「何 ; nani」-> what
= “Touya-nii. What’s your favorite food?”
Everybody liked that. It was really great when the spoilers came out and as soon as Shouto said he wanted to ask Touya something everyone instantly knew what the question was going to be. Also a lot of pressure for Touya. Wrong answer and his little brother can pull the plug.
「......体力の限界ですね今日は眠らせてまた…」
「体力 ; tairyoku」-> stamina; endurance 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「限界 ; genkai」-> limit 「です ; desu」-> to be 「ね ; ne」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「今日 ; kyou」-> today 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「眠らせて ; nemurasete」-> to let someone sleep 「また ; mata」-> again
= “This is the limit, isn’t it. Let’s let him sleep again for today.”
「蕎麦」
「蕎麦 ; soba」-> soba
= “Soba.”
These lines are always my favorite to break down. It’s not easy translating such complex phrases so please recognize the years of studying it took to be able to perfectly translate this kind of high-level sentence. Thank you.
I can only imagine him going back to his classmates, looking at Bakugo and saying: “You were wrong. It’s soba.”
「おんなじだ」
「おんなじ ; onnaji」-> same 「だ ; da」-> be
= “It’s the same.”
Usually, the word same is written as 同じ and read as onaji. In itself, these two spellings have the same meaning, however, the more standard onaji would be used in the sense of something or a situation being exactly the same, for example attending the same school as someone or facing the same problem. Onnaji, on the other hand, indicates something has very similar properties and is used more in the sense of the same color, taste etc, which is why this spelling has a bit more emotion associated with it.
So Shouto is saying that it’s the same, but he says so with emotion. Rather than stating a fact, them having the same food holds meaning to him.
「これ以上は平行線だ 交わるよ 無理にでも」
「これ以上 ; kore ijou」-> from here on; any further 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「平行線 ; heikousen」-> remaining far apart; not reaching an agreement 「だ ; da」-> be 「交わる ; majiwaru」-> to cross; to mingle with 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「無理に ; muri ni」-> forcible; forced 「でも ; demo」-> even
= “From here on it’s parallel lines. I will cross, even if by force.”
「焦凍… ごめんな…」
「焦凍 ; shouto」-> Shouto 「ごめん ; gomen」-> I‘m sorry 「な ; na」-> used to say something emotionally
= “Shouto… I’m sorry…”
If only… Shouto had heard this… and they could’ve talked about this… that would be crazy, right? No, why don’t we focus on the main character again, instead of getting a conversation the entire story has been building up to.
「俺はここまでだわ 悪いけど気持ち変わんない 俺はもう付き合わない」
「俺 ; ore」-> I 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「ここ ; koko」-> here 「まで ; made」-> until 「だ ; da」-> be 「わ ; wa」-> 「悪い ; warui」-> sorry 「けど ; kedo」-> but 「気持ち ; kimochi」-> feelings 「変わんない ; kawannai」-> unchanged 「俺 ; ore」-> I 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「もう ; mou」-> already 「付き合わない ; tsukiawanai」-> don’t associate with
= “For me it’s (ending) here. I’m sorry, but my feelings haven’t changed. I won’t associate with you anymore.”
The particle wa is used when reflecting one’s view toward a situation after coming to a conclusion. There is a nuance of confidently affirming the phrase or regretting the situation, depending on the tone, which we don’t have here, but this reads more as a confident statement than one of regret, although it might just be a little bit of both.
「ああ」
「ああ ; aa」-> Ah
= “Ah.”
「彼女と籍入れたい 式は挙げない紹介もしない」
「彼女 ; kanojo」-> girlfriend 「と ; to」-> with 「籍入れたい ; seki iretai」-> to get married; to want to have a name entered in the family register 「式 ; shiki」-> (wedding) ceremony 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「挙げない ; agenai」-> to conduct 「紹介 ; shoukai」-> introduction 「も ; mo」-> also 「しない ; shinai」-> won’t do
= “I want to enter the family register with my girlfriend. We won’t conduct a ceremony and I also won’t introduce you.”
Normally, to talk about marriage or getting married you would use the word kekkon (suru). Here, Natsuo specifically uses the term “to enter in the family registry.” While these two words can be used to mean the same thing (= getting married), entering the family registry differs in that one person enters an already existing family registry rather than creating a new one upon marriage, which is why this can also be used for when a child gets adopted by a step-parent or if a child takes on their other parent’s last name after a divorce.
Again, this can just be treated as a synonym for getting married, but it might also be to emphasize this as an act of removing himself from his father rather than an act of love. It surely feels like an odd time to be thinking of marriage, with the current situation not having him in the right mental or emotional state for such a big step to be smart (he already did the whole “cutting my hair during a crisis” so he should follow that with dying his hair or something else that is going to affect his life less than marriage).
Let’s face it: had he said this while they were with Touya, his big bro’s heart monitor would have gone crazy before he would have broken out of that machine to talk some sense into his little brother.
Also, not to insult Natsuo because he is very sweet, but I just have to mention the irony of him getting married as a means to solve his issues when that was also his dad’s first step. It’s obviously different, but still worth pointing out.
「ああ…分かったな」
「ああ ; aa」-> Ah 「分かった ; wakatta」-> understood 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation
= “Ah, I get it.”
「姉ちゃんは?仕事やめたんだろ?」
「姉ちゃん ; neechan」-> big sister 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「仕事 ; shigoto」-> job 「やめた ; yameta」-> to quit 「ん ; n」-> explanatory particle 「だろ ; daro」-> right
= “What about you, big sis? You left your job, right?”
I do like the symbolism of him standing in the middle of the street, ready to use the crosswalk, while the rest of the family remain on the side of the road, but I am also worried he is going to get hit by a car.
「うんでも 生徒のお母さんが新しい職場紹介してくれてねサポートしてくれるって」
「うん ; un」-> yeah 「でも ; demo」-> but 「生徒 ; seito」-> student 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「お母さん ; okaasan」-> mom 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「新しい ; atarashii」-> new 「職場 ; shokuba」-> workplace 「紹介してくれて ; shoukai shitekurete」-> introduced me (as a favor) 「ね ; ne」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「サポートしてくれる ; sapooto shitekureru」-> support (as a favor) 「って ; tte」-> quoting particle (casual of という)
= “Yeah, but the mom of a student introduced me to a new workplace. So she’s being supportive.”
Similar to before, the -tekurete suggests that this introduction as well as the support is seen as a favor.
「........正直責任は果たしたと思う 罰も受けたと思う…もういいんじゃねーの?」
「正直 ; shoujiki」-> honestly; frankly 「責任 ; sekinin」-> duty 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「果たした ; hatashita」-> accomplished; carried out 「と思う ; to omou」-> to think 「罰 ; batsu」-> punishment 「も ; mo」-> too 「受けた ; uketa」-> received 「と思う ; to omou」-> to think 「もういい ; mou ii」-> that’s enough 「ん ; n」-> explanatory particle 「じゃねー ; janee」-> isn’t 「のか ; noka-> question marker particle seeking an explanation
= “Frankly, I think we’ve fulfilled our responsibilities. I think we already received our punishment. That’s enough, isn’t it?”
This line has gotten some negative attention as fan translations have this line directed toward Endeavor, whereas the official English translation has this line be directed toward the entire family. As you can see in the breakdown above, there is no explicit human subject in this sentence to clarify who is being addressed here, in addition to the fact that he has his back turned to us readers with no indication as to who he is looking at.
However, the last person he directly addressed was Fuyumi, who was also the one speaking right before this line. Furthermore, the next line is Endeavor saying that he will ensure to take the blame and whatnot from here on out so that they do not need to face any more consequences for this.
With that being said, to me this reads as him talking to the family, specifically as a response to Fuyumi suggesting that her former student’s mother introducing her to a new workplace and supporting her is somewhat of a favor. While we don’t know exactly why she left her job, there is still a suggestion that this situation has impacted her negatively and that people showing support is somehow worth noting. And yes, Japan has a culture of blaming the entire family when a family member commits a crime, however, Natsuo’s line then seems somewhat frustrated at this, feeling as though they all already faced consequences (like Fuyumi leaving her job), and that they shouldn’t have to face consequences for the rest of their lives, let alone feel overly grateful for any person that still treats them as individuals rather than an accomplice for something they had nothing to do with.
Overall, this line reads more like he wants them to be able to move past this, rather than have this now haunt them after they have already been struggling their whole lives by growing up in the Todoroki household.
「犯した罪の賠償と謝罪を一生をかけて続けていく
見ていなくていい子どもたち(おまえたち)に降りかかる火の粉をできる限り俺が受け止める 生き延びた意味があるとすればそれだけなんだ」
「犯した ; okashita」-> committed 「罪 ; tsumi」-> crime; sin 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「賠償 ; baishou」-> compensation; reparations 「と ; to」-> with 「謝罪 ; shazai」-> apology 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「一生 ; issho」-> whole life 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「かけて ; kakete」-> make; put out 「続けていく ; tsuzuketeiku 」->to continue from now on (続ける+いく) 「見ていなくて ; mitenakute」-> not looking 「いい ; ii」-> good; okay 「子どもたち ; kodomotachi」-> children 「おまえたち ; omaetachi」-> you (plural) 「に ; ni」-> to 「降りかかる ; furikakaru」-> to happen; to befall 「火の粉 ; hi no ko」-> sparks 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「できる ; dekiru」-> to be able to 「限り ; kagiri」-> limit; degree 「俺 ; ore」-> I 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「受け止める ; uketomeru」-> to catch; to stop the blow 「生き延びた ; ikinobita」-> survived; lived long 「意味 ; imi」-> meaning 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「ある ; aru」-> to exist 「とすれば ; to sureba」-> then; if so; if 「それだけ ; soredake」-> that much; to that extent; only that 「なんだ ; nanda」-> explanatory particle
= “From here on out I will continue to make reparations and apologize for my committed crimes for my whole life. I will catch as much of the sparks that fall on you kids who don’t have to watch. If there is any meaning in my survival, it is just that.”
Again, he says “you” but means “children”. The miteinakute ii is used to say that “it’s okay not to watch”, in other words he does not expect them to keep in touch with him or anything along those lines.
The -teiku after tsuzukeru is used to imply that something will continue from this moment forward. While he didn't make up for his mistakes, from now on he will.
「........地獄だぞ」
「地獄 ; jigoku」-> hell 「だ ; da」-> be 「ぞ ; zo」-> emphasizes the speaker’s will or opinion; can be inviting to the listener
= “........It’s hell.”
「ああダンスの誘いを受けたんでな」
「ああ ; aa」-> Ah 「ダンス ; dansu」-> dance 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「誘い ; sasoi」-> invitation 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「受けた ; uketa」-> to accept 「んでな ; ndena」-> explanatory particle
= “Ah, I did accept the dance invitation.”
「…初めてだよ お父さんの事 かっこいいって思えたの」
「初めて ; hajimete」-> first time 「だ ; da」-> be 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「お父さん ; otousan」-> dad 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「事 ; koto」-> nominalizes prior word/phrase 「かっこいい ; kakkoii」-> cool 「って思えた ; tte omoeta」-> to seem; to appear 「の ; no」-> explanatory particle
= “It was the first time that you seemed cool.”
Natsuo has called Endeavor by many (disrespectful) names. This is the first time he calls him by the standard/polite term for father. This is not to say that he likes him now. With the whole marriage talk in mind, this feels more like him letting go of his feelings for a second to make a somewhat neutral statement. Neutral in the sense of being able to recognize and view something his dad has done in a positive light rather than letting his feelings completely take over his judgment.
「焦凍は?学校戻るんだろ?」
「焦凍 ; shouto」-> Shouto 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「学校 ; gakkou」-> school 「戻る ; modoru」-> to return to 「ん ; n」-> explanatory particle 「だろ ; daro」-> I think; right?
= “What about you, Shouto? You’re returning to school, right?”
「うん」
「うん ; un」-> yeah
= “Yeah.”
「乗ってけよ姉ちゃんも」
「乗ってけ ; notteke」-> I’ll give you a ride 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「姉ちゃん ; neechan」-> big sis 「も ; mo」-> also; too
= “I’ll give you a ride. Nee-chan, too.”
「ありがとう」
「ありがとう ; arigatou」-> thanks
= “Thanks.”
「親父 お母さん 俺にはA組(みんな)いるから大丈夫だよ! 俺は自分でなりてえようになれるから!」
「親父 ; oyaji」-> dad 「お母さん ; okaasan」-> mom 「俺 ; ore」-> I 「には ; niwa」-> as for 「A組 ; e gumi」-> class A 「みんな ; minna」-> everyone 「いる ; iru」-> to be 「から ; kara」-> therefore 「大丈夫 ; daijoubu」-> alright 「だ ; da」-> be 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「俺 ; ore」-> I 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「自分 ; jibun」-> myself 「で ; de」-> with 「なりてえ ; naritee」-> want to become (casual of naritai) 「ようになれる ; you ni nareru」-> to reach the point where; to come to; to begin to 「から ; kara」-> because; so
= “Dad, mom. I’ll be okay because of Class A (everyone). I can reach the point of being what I want to be!”
Just like before we get furigana that differ from the kanji. Shouto says that he will be alright because everyone is there, but he specifically means Class A when he says that.
「地獄でも」
「地獄 ; jigoku」-> hell 「でも ; demo」-> even though
= “Even though it’s hell.”
「おーう早かったな!!大丈夫だったかあ!?」
「おーう ; ou」-> Ooh 「早かった ; hayakatta」-> early 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「大丈夫 ; daijoubu」-> alright 「だった ; datta」-> was 「かあ ; kaa」-> question marker particle
= “Oh, you’re early! Was it alright!?”
「おなかすいた」
「おなかすいた ; onaka suita」-> I’m starving
= “I’m starving.”
「見てる人がいる」
「見てる ; miteru」-> looking 「人 ; hito」-> person 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「いる ; iru」-> to be
= “There is someone who is watching.”
Me. I’m the one watching. But at what cost? The family’s two most used words have got to be “hell” and “to look” . Someone please teach them some more words.
That concludes the Todoroki family interaction in this chapter and supposedly for the story (everyone disliked that). Personally, this does not read as a conclusion so I am going to just treat this as the beginning of the conclusion, instead. And perhaps the final in the sense of the whole family not getting together anymore because Natsuo isn’t going to be around Endeavor anymore.
Personally, my biggest issue with this chapter is the fact that while it’s called final and set up as though the family and we finally get closure by everyone reuniting with Touya, it’s just another episode of self-pitying with a grown-ass man that has still not changed or understood anything despite everything. Yes, he finally managed to talk to Touya, to apologize and acknowledge both Touya’s pain as well as his own accountability in the entire affair. However, the rest of the family could have been left out of this chapter entirely since they said nothing other than “we have lots to talk about” which is obviously a beginning, but I’m sure we all have been waiting patiently to get an actual conversation not just hear them say that they want to talk at a later point, which we then won't ever get to see.
The soba part is amazing, of course, but it could and should have played a bigger role in this chapter.
People have been expressing various opinions in regards to the family’s current situation and their future, though - again - it would be great to see more of that because this chapter only briefly touched on various interesting points and then didn’t explore these points more because if there is one thing this world needs more is privileged people whining about how hard their life is and the many sacrifices they have had to make (= barely facing consequences).
That being said, we’ll see what the final 4 chapters will offer and whether we will see the Todoroki family make another appearance.
And no, Touya won’t die.
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Plurality on the Disc
CW: Fatphobia, euthanasia
One thing you can always say about Pratchett was that he did not believe in prejudice. The man saw the world through a lens of satire and yet in all things he attempted to see the humanity in all things and tried to bleed that compassion into the world he created, especially with the modernization of the central city, Ankh Morpork.
Pratchett's works as early as the 90s were showing positive trans representation in Cheery Littlebottom, a dwarf who opts to present femme within a culture that treats displays of gender other than the "default", without acknowledging the inherent bias that the "default" gender presentation within Dwarf culture is masculine. It seems Pratchett was able to display "Male or Political" as a fallacy long before toxic gamer culture.
Sensing that the audience may have found this too subtle he went on to write Monstrous Regiment in 2003, a story about a group of women who take up arms, disguise their gender and live as men to fight in a war. As many things on the Disc it was written with fantasy and satire in mind and yet was incredibly detailed in historical accuracy. As trans-folx continuously remind: "We have always been here"
Today's topic, though, is on plurality. Typically in Media, Myself and I essays we focus on depictions of DID with an emphasis on psychopathology. Pathology and mental illness do not really factor into the fantasy world of Discworld. One need only look at the "Sideflashes" depicted in Monstrous Regiment, those being moments where a vampire character has traumatic hallucinations of the Vietnam War of our world, to know that Pratchett is more interested in satirizing the genre mediums he is working within rather than depicting accurate portraits of real mental illness.
That said, in one of his final books, Thud! Pratchett did have a character with two distinct personalities who could withhold information from one another say "It's supposed to be an illness, but all I can say is, we've gotten along well."
Pratchett always leads with compassion and in all of his work he does his research. Though he never wrote much about the supposed illness mentioned in Thud!, he has written plural characters and we're going to focus on one right now.
The books in question are Maskerade (1995) and Carpe Jugulum (2003). These books heavily feature the characters Agnes Nitt and Perdita X Dream.
The first of the two stories is a parody of The Phantom of the Opera with a heavy emphasis on the real life stress and drama behind the scenes of any stage performance. A must read for any theatre kid who wishes to see 'the show must go on' taken to ludicrous extremes.
Agnes is a young witch who has talent as a singer. So much so that she is able to sing in harmony with herself. She decides to move to the big city and join the opera house in hopes of turning her talents to become a star.
Agnes is a prim and proper young witch, raised to think and act a certain way. The problem is, of course, she wants to act in ways unbecoming of who she is perceived as. So growing up when she misbehaved and acted outside of these rigid expectations she would compartmentalize all of her behaviors into Perdita X Dream, "the thin woman trying to get out"
She'd caught herself saying 'poot!' and 'dang!' when she wanted to swear, and using pink writing paper. She'd got a reputation for being calm and capable in a crisis. Next thing she knew she'd be making shortbread and apple pies as good as her mother's, and then there'd be no hope for her. So she'd introduced Perdita. She'd heard somewhere that inside every fat woman was a thin woman trying to get out[3] so she'd named her Perdita. She was a good repository for all those thoughts that Agnes couldn't think on account of her wonderful personality. Perdita would use black writing paper if she could get away with it, and would be beautifully pale instead of embarrassingly flushed. Perdita wanted to be an interestingly lost soul in plumcoloured lipstick. Just occasionally, though, Agnes thought Perdita was as dumb as she was.
It is not uncommon for those with dissociative disorders to have these idealized personas that take on lives of their own. Though the Fae beauty known as Dawn is a name and identity that I have forged through decades of actualizing, my humble roots will always be the performance of what we thought a strong and capable woman would look and sound like. The fact we borrowed the blueprints is neither here nor there.
In moving to the city of Ankh, Agnes decides that she is free of those who have told her what to do and able to live as she has always desired. She adopts the name Perdita as her own and signs up to sing.
After moving in to the opera house she becomes entangled in the plot of Phantom of the Opera. The central story of the book is a retelling of PotO but with the Disc's patented absurdity added on and Agnes being used as a perspective character. At a point Christine, the only woman capable of exclaiming a whisper, switches rooms with Agnes because she is keeps hearing voices while she's trying to sleep. That night the voice from behind the mirror calls out into the darkness, thinking it is speaking to Christine, and speaks to Agnes instead.
There is makes it very clear as to why Agnes cannot be the central figure of the book.
Agnes pulled the bedclothes up higher. 'In the middle of the night?!' 'Night is nothing to me. I belong to the night. And I can help you.' It was a pleasant voice. It seemed to be coming from the mirror. 'Help me to do what?!' 'Don't you want to be the best singer in the opera?' 'Oh, Perdita is a lot better than me!!' There was silence for a moment, and then the voice said: 'But while I cannot teach her to look and move like you, I can teach you to sing like her.' Agnes stared into the darkness, shock and humiliation rising from her like steam.
Fatphobia is real and is on The Disc, I am sad to say.
But it is after this incident that Agnes begins to recognize the prejudice that has been levied at her the entire book and the prim and proper Agnes politely thinks calm and pleasant thoughts when she is insulted, it is Perdita who thinks rude words.
This gets worse as the plot goes on and the managers cast Christine as the lead and have Agnes sing the lead from the chorus.
The humiliation and compartmentalized resentment continues on and...
What she was about to do was wrong. Very wrong. And all her life she'd done things that were right. Go on, said Perdita. In fact, she probably wouldn't even do it. But there was no harm in just asking where there was a herbal shop, so she asked. And there was no harm in going in, so she went in. And it certainly wasn't against any kind of law to buy the ingredients she bought. After all, she might get a headache later on, or be unable to sleep. And it would mean nothing at all to take them back to her room and tuck them under the mattress. That's right, said Perdita.
Passive Influence is a term used for when a part/alter pushes for action while another part is fronting in the system.
In this example Perdita is steering Agnes to perform actions that are not congruent with her nature and her beliefs. Agnes is not capable of plotting revenge against someone and enacting a scheme and so even while performing the actions she is rationalizing to herself that she is not actually doing anything untoward because it is not in her nature to do such a thing.
The traits exist but they do not belong to Agnes and at this point she has not yet realized that the Perdita identity that she has formed is capable of asserting her own will.
The formation of a dissociative disorder typically occurs when a child is in a situation of constant trauma and need to adapt contradicting realities in order to function. Most common of which is the contradiction of needing protection, nurture and safety from the caregivers who provide terror and pain. To function within that framework a young mind will compartmentalize experiences in order to maintain a reality where both these truths are compatible.
Agnes, in part due to the prejudice she faces for her weight, has to have a wonderful personality. Her acceptance within society requires her to act the part and be a kind and sweet girl with a wonderful personality. Always be the best version of herself in spite of her looks because without that wonderful personality she will only be regarded as a large woman and will be discarded.
So she puts away all the thoughts that run contrary to that narrative. Anything that doesn't fit in the Nice Girl persona.
Aren't you just tired of putting up with it, though? Don't you want to go apeshit?
If you were someone like Agnes Nitt, wouldn't you long to be someone as dark and mysterious as Perdita X Dream?
As the book goes on Perdita continues thinking things from behind Agnes' eyes and the narrative begins describing their differing perspectives. The schism growing wider and wider throughout the story.
At the start of the book, when Perdita began becoming more prominent, the prose would say "Perdita thought a rude word" then, as in the passive influence section, "Perdita said" is included in the text. Later still Agnes and Perdita converse within the prose.
The candle burned with a greenish-blue edge to the flame. Somewhere, said Perdita, there was the secret room. If there wasn't a huge and glittering secret cavern, what on earth was life for? There had to be a secret room. A room, full of. . . giant candles, and enormous stalagmites. . . But it certainly isn't here, said Agnes.
The further on the story goes the more comfortable both character and author are in sharing the back and forth between Nitt and Dream.
If Maskerade was the introduction to the concept then Carpe Jugulum (2003) is where Agnes Nitt and Perdita X Dream's shared mind and body become central figures in the story and are allowed to explore themselves a little more. In the previous story Perdita is treated as where Agnes puts all of her unseemly actions and desires.
In Carpe Jugulum it is treated very emphatically as a dissociative disorder where two parts of the same mind share control over the same body.
She simply sang in harmony with herself. Unless she concentrated it was happening more and more these days. Perdita had rather a reedy voice, but she insisted on joining in. Those who are inclined to casual cruelty say that inside a fat girl is a thin girl and a lot of chocolate. Agnes’s thin girl was Perdita. She wasn’t sure how she’d acquired the invisible passenger. Her mother had told her that when she was small she’d been in the habit of blaming accidents and mysteries, such as the disappearance of a bowl of cream or the breaking of a prized jug, on “the other little girl.”
The tone is set early on with Pratchett working to codify that which already existed by including Agnes putting the pieces together as an adult based on what others had told her she did as a child, something all too common with those with dissociative disorders.
The pair are living in harmony for the most part, Perdita enjoys getting to sing with Agnes and is fiercely defensive of her host. She does not enjoy it when people are mean to Agnes. It is why she focused much of Maskerade on scowling at Christine. Though Perdita herself seems to enjoy bullying Agnes, as she does delight in cruelly calling her a lump.
The story this time is about a group of Modern Sexy Vampires moving in to the witches' town and deciding to take over. Much of the book's satire is a comparison of the Anne Rice and World of Darkness ethos on vampire lore and comparing it to the more gothic and classic depictions such as Nosferatu and Bram Stoker's Dracula.
As well as the complete and utter violation that is "treating people like things".
The story also introduces Mightily Oats (who Perdita will squee about having a cool ponytail), a parody of the catholic vampire slayer trope. He, himself, has a "rifted personality" like Agnes and Perdita due to his adherence to the contradicting commandments and beliefs held within the religious texts of his faith, Om.
Unfortunately, Perdita's alliance with Agnes is harmed when the vampires move in and Perdita finds herself largely attracted to them. Perdita is the very essence of a scene kid, after all, she'd listen to Evanescence if they existed on The Disc. Throughout the early phase of the vampire plot Perdita finds herself internally shaking Agnes and screaming petulantly at her that she is fumbling the ball so hard when faced with them.
Ask him his name! Perdita yelled. No, that’d be forward of me, Agnes thought. Perdita screamed, You were built forward, you stupid lump—
I am certain many reading this will empathize. I certainly do.
But all too quickly the plot of the vampires is revealed and they begin using their vampire hypnosis to control the town. All while Perdita is screaming rebellion and demanding they be given garlic enemas.
Perdita is unimpacted by the mind control. What's worse is that the vampires can read minds and can tell there's something odd about Agnes but not quite what.
Ur…” She stopped it turning into a giggle. “Not really. Not very well…” Didn’t you listen to what they were saying? They’re vampires! “Shut up,” she said aloud. “I beg your pardon?” said Vlad, looking puzzled. “And they’re…well, they’re not a very good orchestra…” Didn’t you pay any attention to what they were saying at all, you useless lump? “They’re a very bad orchestra,” said Vlad. “Well, the King only bought the instruments last month and basically they’re trying to learn together—” Chop his head off! Give him a garlic enema! “Are you all right? You really know there are no vampires here, don’t you…” He’s controlling you! Perdita screamed. They’re… affecting people! “I’m a bit… faint from all the excitement,” Agnes mumbled. “I think I’ll go home.” Some instinct at bone-marrow level made her add, “I’ll ask Nanny to go with me.” Vlad gave her an odd look, as if she wasn’t reacting in quite the right way. Then he smiled. Agnes noticed that he had very white teeth. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you, Miss Nitt,” he said. “There’s something so… inner about you.” That’s me! That’s me! He can’t work me out! Now let’s both get out of here! yelled Perdita.
Up until now Perdita has been a very internal experience for plurality, itself a rarity within fiction. Perdita never fronts in the entirety of Maskerade. She is a sharp and judgmental voice in the back of Agnes' head and shaped much like her repressed desires.
After escaping the clutches of vampire mind control and escaping from the dangerous circumstance Perdita yanks control of the body and outs herself to fellow witch Nanny Ogg, leading to the first time either Nitt or Dream have had to describe their situation to someone outside the body.
“It’s all right,” said Agnes. “It’s me again, Agnes Nitt, but…She’s here but… I’m sort of holding on. Yes! Yes! All right! All right, just shut up, will y— Look, it’s my body, you’re just a figment of my imagina—Okay! Okay! Perhaps it’s not quite so clear c—Let me just talk to Nanny, will you?” “Which one are you now?” said Nanny Ogg. “I’m still Agnes, of course.” She rolled her eyes up. “All right! I’m Agnes currently being advised by Perdita, who is also me. In a way. And I’m not too fat, thank you so very much!” “How many of you are there in there?” said Nanny. “What do you mean, ‘room for ten’?” shouted Agnes. “Shut up! Listen, Perdita says there were vampires at the party. The Magpyr family, she says. She can’t understand how we acted. They were putting a kind of…’fluence over everyone. Including me, which is why she was able to break thr—Yes, all right, I’m telling it, thank you!” “Why not her, then?” said Nanny. “Because she’s got a mind of her own! […] Nanny rubbed her chin, torn between the vampiric revelation and prurient curiosity about Perdita. “How does Perdita work, then?” she said. Agnes sighed. “Look, you know the part of you that wants to do all the things you don’t dare do, and thinks the thoughts you don’t dare think?” Nanny’s face stayed blank. Agnes floundered. “Like…maybe…rip off all your clothes and run naked in the rain?” she hazarded. “Oh yes. Right,” said Nanny. “Well…I suppose Perdita is that part of me.” “Really? I’ve always been that part of me,” said Nanny. “The important thing is to remember where you left your clothes.”
This is the compassion in Pratchett's writing I'd mentioned. In this story Perdita is revealed to be part of Agnes and though Nanny Ogg is confused and a little ignorant of the whole affair, going as far as to yell "is she treating you alright in there?" into Perdita's ear, she is caring and understanding. In Maskerade Nanny was the one person in Lancre who accepted Agnes changing her name to Perdita, reasoning that "people ought to call themselves what they want."
In approaching the abnormal circumstance with compassion in the fiction it helps those reading get a broader and better understanding of how to be kind and treat those impacted in real life.
Also, as a side note, Agnes yelling at Nanny while "currently advised by Perdita" may not be an overt piece of representation but there is a concept called Blending within plurality. It's not mentioned in textbooks I've read but is often discussed in support communities. At times when two parts are co-conscious in front their traits will become a little blended.
In a way parts of a dissociative system are simply a way of storing traits necessary to function but dividing them to prevent emotional harm and damage or to maintain a form of continuity of self. To give an example we were ejected by our caregivers and internalized it as our own fault for being undesirable so part of us cannot fathom doing anything which would make us disposable and unlikable but our circumstances required becoming cold and focused for survival and so the sweet kind and lovable empathy driven part and the cold and angry survival part are kept in separate boxes. Likewise we have trauma related to eroticism but there is still an attraction to such material within us and so in order to function I handle that aspect of our life and shelter the others from being impacted. At first due to heavy dissociation and denial and these days due to practice in therapy allowing us to let parts "opt out" and retreat inwards when they do not want to be involved in what is happening with the body.
In a way blended parts are closer to what a person would be like if they were singlet, though blurring does not often involve the entire system if there are more than 2 parts.
And though I say 'closer', I do not mean entirely as typically when blended people are in an activated state. In the above case where Perdita and Nanny had triggered Agnes' frustrations about her weight being bullied, she was unable to control the emotion of her reaction.
We refer to such days when we are blended and incapable of controlling our emotional reactions as "thin skinned days". They were more common prior to diagnosis.
As the story continues the pair need to see-saw their consciousness to avoid vampire mind control and we are treated to moments of Agnes being the "invisible passenger" in the situation, going as far to show her ability to focus attention on reading is not as sharp as Agnes'. Something I can assure you is quite true within parts of a dissociative system. Goodness knows Cammie would never have the patience to do the reading and typing necessary for these essays.
The story continues on and though there are moments of casual misunderstanding which are a par for the course in such tales, such as Nanny telling Perdita to "give Agnes her body back, you know it's hers really--" before knocking her out to ensure Agnes has control. They throw out lines like:
“Yes, that’s Agnes,” she said, standing back. “Her face goes sharper when it’s the other one. See? I told you she’d be the one that came back. She’s got more practice.”
And let me say, when someone knows you and loves you enough to recognize a part by the way they wear their face alone, it's something. I am simply incapable of reading a moment like that and not breaking into a smile and thinking of the many times our long distance love has tried to explain how she can just tell without a word when we have switched.
But as always. Pratchett leads with compassion. Where Nanny Ogg says that she thinks people should be called what they want to be called in Maskerade, regarding Agnes' wish to be called Perdita (not Perditax), it is Granny Weatherwax the beating heart and soul of the Discworld who says it best
Ah...one mind, split in half. There were more Agneses in the world than Agnes dreamed of, Granny told herself. All the girl had done was to give the thing a name, and once you give the thing a name you give it life...
Once you give a thing a name, you give it life.
That is compassion. To not fully understand something and how it forms and how it presents, but to respect it all the same. To know it has a form and should be treated as real because by virtue of being named it is real.
That is what so much of Pratchett's work is focused on. The humanity of seeing others as they wish to be and respecting them. It's such a low bar to clear in our world and yet sometimes it really does need to be emphasized.
Typically when Granny says something it's from the perspective of age and wisdom. It may not always be without bias but it is with a weight of knowledge and respect.
The final book in the series contents with Sir Pratchett's knowledge of his own death. He knew for years. He even did a documentary on medical aid in dying. He poured it all into depicting a tale that includes Granny's death.
The works of Terry Pratchett have long been a companion in our life. We've been reading them our entire life. To this day we have refused to read beyond Granny's death scene in Shepherd's Crown. We broke down crying when we saw the "I ATE'NT DEAD" call back. We couldn't pick up the book again after that.
It's too difficult to think that one of the voices that taught us morality is gone from this world. Our tag for Discworld is GNU Terry Pratchett. As long as the name is spoken he is never really gone.
As long as Shepherds Crown still has pages yet unread, the book series isn't really over.
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For more of my essays on positive DID representation in media, please check out my Media, Myself and I tag.
#dawn posting#media myself and i#discworld#gnu terry pratchett#did#plurality#agnes nitt#perdita x dream#media essays
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Love your fics!!! You have such a talent and wonderful way of representing the turtles!!
Just a small request…
Could you write the dark turtles x reader smut, maybe reader is being a brat :)
If not totes cool xoxo -🦆
She’s A Spicy One, Isn’t She? (18+)
Dark Leonardo x reader x Dark Michelangelo
A/N: Awwww, thank you so much! It’s really nice to hear that you like my writing💚 I’ve been working on this one for a while now, as for some reason I just had a real hard time writing it. I continuously got writer's blocks while writing this, but tonight I felt like I finally managed to get somewhere. You said turtles as plural, so I gave the lucky wheel a spin, and it decided on a threesome with Dark Leo and Dark Mikey. My intention was to make the reader much more bratty, but for some reason it just didn’t go as I wanted to, so I’ve put a bigger emphasis on the reader being “spicy”, lol. Anyway, hope you’ll enjoy anyway🖤💙🖤🧡
All characters are aged up.
Warnings: Feeling slightly forced in the start I guess, bondage?, oral - female receiving, turtle anatomy, doggy, light spanking, oral - male receiving, face fucking, threesome lol, creampie.
“So, what are we going to do with her?”, Dark Mikey asked, bowing down to get a closer look at your tied up form on the warehouse floor, the fabric over your mouth keeping you from spitting at him. “I can’t see what Darius would gain from keeping her around. Just letting her lay there. A waste if you ask me”.
“I’ve already told you this once. We don’t keep her around for Dunn”, Dark Leo grumbled, already feeling a growing urge to punch his youngest brother. “We have her, in order to trick the turtles. And if this plan is going to work, you better leave her the hell alone”.
“I just want to play with her a little bit”, Dark Mikey said, the constant smirk still large on his face, his fingers creeping towards the fabric over your mouth, slowly pulling down on it. “It’s a shame the turtles have such a pretty thing and we don’t. Who knows, maybe her mouth feels as good as it looks”.
The orangey yellow Kanabo clone pulled the fabric from your face, licking his lips with his long tongue as his fingers squeezed your cheeks together, taking a better look at your face. “Very pretty indeed. I’ve always wondered if- AUW!”
Dark Mikey yelped, letting go of your face, holding on to the hand that had been on you just moments ago, seeing the bite marks you had left on his skin. You expected him to get angry, but instead something triggered in his eyes. A sparkle of something you had never seen before in either the kanabo clones or the turtles themself, sending shivers throughout your body.
Dark Mikey laughed, looking directly at Dark Leo, his smile growing wider. “She’s a spicy one, isn’t she? Let’s see how spicy she is after I’m done with her- OOF!”
“No you don’t!”, Dark Leo yelled, janking Mikey away from you, shaking him as he spoke. “If we want the plan to work, we can’t hurt her”.
“Damn, you are no fun”, Mikey said, slowly getting out of Leo’s grip. “I get it! No playing with the pretty spicy girl. I get it! I get it!”
“Is that so?”, Leo asked, not seeming fully convinced. “Then go stay with the others! And don’t come in back here before I tell you to!”
“Jeez, okay! I’m going! I’m going!”, Mikey called out, before turning around, and making his way out of the warehouse, to whatever place their brothers were hiding at, leaving you and Leo alone. Here Leo was quick to turn to you. He stared at you for a moment with narrow eyes, before taking a hold of fabric and placing it in your mouth once again. Then, without a word, he turned and went the way Mikey had, making a show of turning off the light before he disappeared, leaving you alone on the floor of the warehouse. Bound, confused and angry in the dark, wondering when - if ever - you were going to see your friends again.
—
You weren’t sure how long you were left alone in the dark warehouse. But after what felt like an eternity, you had decided to get some sleep, letting your bound form rest against the floor beneath you. It was here in the dark of the warehouse, getting what sleep you could on the floor, that someone entered the room with you, stirring you from your light sleep.
Laying still and quiet on your floor, you listened for whoever was sneaking their was through the darkness, making their way towards you. You felt your heart beat hard in your chest, a pit growing in your stomach as it slowly dawned on you who it might be. And then, the voice you had predicted, came to you just as their face became visible in the dark, big orange eyes watching you like a pray.
“I’m not giving up on a good time so easily”, Mikey chuckled, crouching down before you with a devilish smile. “Especially not when you’re laying in here, looking so pretty… all alone”.
The knuckles of Mikey’s right hand came to meet your cheek, smoothing over your skin in a caring manner, all while his eyes roamed over your body, picturing what things he wanted to do to you. This sended shivers down your spine, in a manner much closer to excitement to fear. For a moment you wondered if your own body was betraying you, with a small tingle of a butterfly wing emerging inside your stomach. And with that came a light yet sweet scent, gracing Mikey’s nostrils ever so slightly. But the moment your sweet scent touched Mikey’s senses, his pupils seemed to grow bigger, with a pleased smile spreading over his lips.
“Oh, I’m definitely going to play with you”, Mikey chuckled, letting his hands grab a firm hold of your hips, sliding you over the floor and closer to him, a small yelp like scream trying to escape the fabric over your mouth. Mikey chuckled, focusing his attention on loosening the restraints around your legs, not noticing the other person entering the warehouse.
“What are you doing?”, Leo’s voice echoed loudly through the large room, causing Mikey to freeze in place, still staring down at you, your binds in his hands, just about to release them from your legs.
It didn’t take long before Leo saw what Mikey was doing, immediately catching on to what was going on. And from the scent the air carried to him, Leo was also made very aware of the fact that you were not unaffected.
Leo walked to you with calm steps, the sound of them echoing through the room. He was not worried about Mikey running or doing something stupid. He had been caught disobeying Leo’s command. There was no place for him to run. He had been caught red handed.
Once by you and Mikey, Leo couched down so that he could look at the two of you. Yet another shiver ran down your back, fueling your growing excitement.
Silence was thick between the kanabo brothers, until Leo finally broke the growing tension. “You want to play with her?”, he asked. Mikey looked from you to Leo, giving him a small nod, his hand unmoving from your restraints. Leo looked to you for a moment, letting his eyes glide over your body once, before returning his attention back towards his brother. “Then play”, Leo said, leaning in threateningly towards his brother, watching Mikey’s expression turn from slight fear to confusion and surprise. “Prove that it’s worth risking the plan to play with her”.
Mikey’s look of surprise and confusion turned into a smirk, catching on to what his brother was saying.
“Oh, it’s definitely going to be worth it”, Mikey smirked, removing the binding from your legs. Leo gave him a small nod, before raising to stand, walking a few steps away, before taking a seat on the floor, giving him a full view of where you were laying.
Mikey’s long clawed fingers grabbed a hold of your ankle, pulling you towards him in a sharp jank. You expected yourself to scream, or make a sound of discomfort. But to your surprise, the sound that left you was a light and sudden moan, leaving you, Mikey and Leo in silence, your excitement growing stronger, your scent giving the kanabo clones no doubt.
“Oh, you like that?”, Mikey asked, his smile growing even bigger, before throwing his brother a look over his shoulder. “I told you she was a spicy one”.
“You did indeed”, Leo said, not taking his eyes off of you.
Mikey’s hands quickly moved from your ankles to your pants, where his claws began working to open them. However Mikey quickly grew frustrated, finding his claws unable to get a full grasp on your button and zipper. And so, Mikey was quick to use his claws, ripping the clothes of your lower body, before leaving it in shreds on the floor.
You found your breaths becoming heavy, with your excitement pooling in your underwear, as Mikey moved your legs apart, staring lustfully at the wet spot on the fabric, shielding your most intimate area from his view.
“Real spicy. And you are enjoying this? You’re only getting better and better”, Mikey growled, before hooking a claw onto the sides of your panties, before pulling them down your legs, throwing them to where the shreds of your pants were laying on the floor. Now with your slick folds on full display, a small rumble came from deep within Mikey. He was churring, in a way only a kanabo clone of a mutant turtle could do.
“Mmmh, spicy and juicy. I’m having a feast tonight”, Mikey smirked, before lowering himself down between your legs. Mikey did not hesitate before letting his long tongue drag through your wet folds, causing you to squirm under him, moaning against the fabric.
Mikey chuckled at your reaction, continuing his long licks over you, only parting from you for a moment, in order to smirk at you, still tasting you on his tongue. “I’m definitely going to enjoy this”.
Mikey went back down to continue the work of his tongue, focusing his efforts around your clit, licking and sucking at it to his heart's content, taking in every single sound and move you made under him. It was a joy to Mikey to watch you struggle against the bounds that kept your arms firmly to your sides, fighting to find something to hold onto, as Mikey’s tongue slowly started to rock your world.
Mikey hummed against you as his tongue went from your clit, making its way done to your entrance, before letting his long wet muscle slide into you. This caused your legs to become restless, forcing Mikey to grasp a firm hold on them, as his tongue started thrusting in and out of you at a brutal speed.
Moaning against the fabric over your mouth, you tossed and turned your head, before locking eyes with Leo, who still sat on the floor, watching you like a hawk. You could only imagine how this might look from his angle. Your cheeks pink with heat, your hair a mess, the fabric over your mouth wet with saliva, with your legs held firmly up over Mikey’s shoulders, as he ate you out like his life was depending on it.
The look in Leo’s eyes made the strong feeling in your stomach grow, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. Mikey could smell it on you, placing a thumb over your bundle of nerves, rubbing it in circles.
You came with a strangled moan, your back arching as you cried out, with Mikey’s tongue continuing to fuck you through your high. The yellow kanabo between your legs was groaning at your taste, feeling his own need and urge growing stronger.
Parting from your flower, chuckling at your whimper when you felt the loss of contact, Mikey’s hands flew to his shorts, undoing them with quick hands, breathing like he was already out of breath.
“I’m not done playing with you yet, beautiful”, Mikey said, getting rid of his shorts, ignoring how his cloaca was begging him to let him drop. He wanted to drop into you. With both hands, Mikey grabbed hold of your hips, before turning you over, forcing your naked ass up in the air, and your face down against the floor. You moaned at the way Mikey manhandled you, already feeling yourself clench around empty air.
Mikey kneaded the flesh of your ass and hips as he pressed his cloaca against you, rubbing you up and down his front, before letting out a loud groan, as his long member slowly made its way out of Mikey’s confinements and directly into your tight walls. You moaned out loud at the feeling of Mikey filling you out, while the kanabo behind you groaned, getting adjusted to the way your walls hugged him.
“Fuck, you’re tight”, Mikey groaned, slowly pulling his thick member out of you, before slowly pushing back in, smiling when he heard your muffled moan in respons. “I’m going to fuck you so good and you know it”, he growled, slowly speeding up the movements of his hips, light claps of skin slapping together echoing with each push into you.
It was here, with your ass high in the air, getting fucked by the youngest of the kanabo turtles, with your cheek against the floor, eyes locking with the oldest kanabo turtle once more. This time Leo stood from where he had been sitting, before making his way over to you, paying Mikey no mind as he crouched down in front of your face, the hint of a smirk playing at the edges on his lips. Without saying a world, Leo pulled the soaked fabric from your mouth with one hand, letting your moans out in the open. With the same hand he put an index finger under your chin, letting the thumb rest on your lower lip, pulling your parted lip down ever so slightly. You took the opportunity to poke your tongue out, licking Leo’s large thumb, before taking it into your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks, sparking something in Leo’s eyes.
“You really are a spicy one, aren’t you?”, Leo asked, watching with interest as your tongue and mouth worked around his thumb. You nodded with Leo’s thumb in your mouth, humming as Mikey started to push harder into you. “You want more don’t you?” You nodded again, but this wasn’t enough for Leo, who pulled his thumb from your mouth. “I need words, (Y/N)”, he said, making you clench around Mikey.
“Yes”, you whimpered. “I want more”.
“Thought so”, Leo said with a smirk, before loosening the bonds around your upper body, finally letting your arms free. You could now push your upper body up off the ground, looking back to take in the sight of Mikey as he continued to pound into you.
“Like what you see?”, he asked, before giving you right ass cheek a hard smack, causing you to yelp out loud. “Holy shit. Should have taken that off your mouth ages ago”, he groaned, slamming harder and faster into you, causing you to moan even louder.
“If you want to hear her moan, you’ll have to do that when I’m done”, Leo said, causing you to look back at him, finding him on his knees before you, his pants long gone with his large member standing big and proud before you. Your mouth almost started watering at the sight, with Leo not even having to tell you what he wanted. As soon as he presented his member before you, you took it into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks like you had done with his thumb.
Leo groaned at the feeling of your mouth around him, watching as you started to bob your head back and forth on his length, trying to sturdy yourself with one hand on the ground, the other holding onto the part of Leo’s member you couldn’t fit in your mouth. Using one hand Leo grabbed a hold of your head, holding it like a ponytail, before using it as leverage he slowly began to thrust in and out of your mouth.
You were truly a sight to behold. Not just for Leo but for Mikey as well, watching how you were able to take on two thick penises at once. You moaned around Leo’s member, each and every time Mikey’s tip made contact with that sensitive spot deep inside of you. Yet you took Leo as deep as you could, gagging around him, while backing up against Mikey with each of his thrusts, causing the two kanabos to groan out loud.
“Told you she was spicy”, Mikey groaned, somehow managing to increase his speed even further, turning you into a moaning mess, your mouths strangled by Leo’s member face fucking you.
Once again you felt that familiar feeling growing inside of you, and you knew it couldn’t be long before you would reach or second high. Mikey felt it too, from the way you clenched further around him, pushing him even closer to his own high. Right above your head you found Leo groaning as he continued to thrust into you mouth, finding himself getting closer and closer to his high, already aiming to unload himself into you.
After a few more thrust from both men, you finally found yourself pushed over the edge, cumming with a loud moan that not even Leo’s member could muffle. Each of them, feeling themselves in the edges thrusted wildly into you as a one last effort to reach their own highs.
Mikey was the first, his hips flattering against you as he unloaded himself into your pulsing walls, before slowly thrusting back and furth, carefully riding out the two of your highs.
Leo was the last one to cum, groaning lowly as he shot his loads into your mouth, watching as you swallowed it in front of him, before bobbing your head in order to milk the last bits from him.
“Holy shit”, Leo groaned, watching as you continued on him, letting go of your hair in order to rest his hand against your head, letting you continue at your own pace.
From behind you, Mikey slowly pulled out with a groan, watching as his white pearly load slowly dripped out of you, running down your legs to the floor.
“So?”, Mikey suddenly asked, drawing an annoyed look from Leo who just wanted to focus on you and your efforts on him. “Have I proven this is worth risking the plans for?”
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