#emotionally neglected from a young age? yea.

[yappacadaver]

anyways i want that old man to cry because there's no way in hell that man has a healthy relationship with his own tears

[murasaki-cha]

Cale and the Soos but Gen Z

(ft. Choi Han, Alberu and Rosalyn)

(Part 1) (Part 2)

Cale: when I say I have "main character energy," I mean the nerdy introvert with anxiety and a general distaste for humans - Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Cale* Cale: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10. -

Cale: Babygirl I have health problems that would make a grown man cry- yeah of course I'm still going to work what are you talking about

-

Cale: I love having trauma from an alarmingly young age because when I can't remember stuff from my childhood I get to play a game called "Is This Normal Memory Loss From Growing Up, Or Do I Have Severe Trauma-Induced Memory Repression?" Choi Jung Soo: Oh word Alberu: Preach Choi Han: Fr Eruhaben: Genuinely what in the- Sui Khan: Louder Eruhaben: YOU ARE 13 WHA-

-

Sui Khan: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering. Sui Khan: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.' Cale pointing: You see where I got it from?

-

Rosalyn, eating cake: No wonder Marie Antoinette didn't give a fuck, this shit is good Cale: so true girl

-

Cale: when Billie Eillish said "I cant escape the way I love you" every gen z kid with attachment issues felt that Alberu: So you felt that? Cale: I felt that too much Alberu: Also who is Billie Eillish? Choi Jung Soo slamming the door open: bITC-

-

Cale: bitches b like “I'm baby” but have childhood trauma and neglect like wtf do u know about being baby u were forced to grow up from an early age anyways I’m bitches

-

Rosalyn going to her lesson with Eruhaben: Eruhaben-nim, are we cooking today or what! Eruhaben: Rosalyn, we aren’t… in the kitchen?

-

Cale: With all this tasks I'm getting from the gods sometimes I wish I was Jared 19 so I never read Birth Of A Hero...

-

Alberu: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so... Cale: Mood

-

Heavenly Demon: do you guys know the meaning of patriarchy? Choi Jung Soo: I prefer Spongebob tbh Heavenly Demon: One more word from you Sword Demon and I swear-

-

Cale: Can I go outside to say a word to god? Choi Han: Yea. Rosalyn: You go outside and start yelling ‘hey what the heck are you!- then ZAP! Cale: I've questioned god before and I haven't died yet.

-

Choi Jung Soo: I so wish I had a cat personality but I have such a dog personality like I would do everything for your approval, do you want me to fetch your stick just for a lil treat , hell yeah I would with pleasure! Choi Han: Oh that's what it was!

-

Choi Jung Soo: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? *Sees Sui Khan's cute 13 yo child appearance staring daggers at him* Choi Jung Soo: Imagine the toll.

-

Cale: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

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Cale: A weight blanket is not enough I need to be compressed into a .zip file

-

Cale with a wine glass in hand: Existence is the enemy The group also with wine glasses in their hands: Cheers to that

-

Cale: Sometimes that sad feeling is due to low blood sugar, and sometimes it's from decades of history. Not that complex

[lil-miss]

Butch/femme ask game!

For you: 1, 2, 8

For the girls: 1, 3, 6

Answers for the girls were kinda long so they're under the cut

Me <3

1 . when did you discover you were butch, stud or femme? This is actually a hard one. So I would say this journey for me started around the time I broke up with my ex about 3 years ago. I wanted to explore my own identity as a lesbian a lot more because they kinda tried to push me into identifying differently for reasons I still cannot fathom. So I read a lot, like, A LOT of lesbian literature and poetry and essays and I really identified with the way these lesbians described being femme and concerning butch/femme dynamics. Yea, it was kinda a slow piecemeal discovery but I fully figured it out like around the time I started writing Galaxy Girls.

2 . when did you discover you were a lesbian? It's a long story that involves abandonment, private school, essentially child neglect, and Mount Lassen. The long and short of it is I walked up a mountain by myself and I came down a lesbian.

8. can you share the story of you coming out? UHHHHH. No. Coming out was kinda weird for me where I kinda did, kinda didn't. Like I'm out to my parents but we never had like the sit-down "Mom, Dad, I'm a lesbian" talk. So there's not really a story, sorry to disappoint. And even when coming out to friends, I mention being a lesbian in casual conversation so sometimes I'll get "Oh, I didn't know you were a lesbian" reactions and we just move on.

Girlies <3

1 . when did you discover you were butch, stud or femme? Dib discovered it pretty much at the same time that she figured out she was a lesbian. It was more personal for her, she met other, mostly older, butches and spoke with them and discovered her own identity by asking questions and listening to them talk about their life experiences. From there she got like really into it and picked up a lot of butch and lesbian literature, she'd always been a tomboy and had a weird relationship with her femininity and girlhood even at a young age. So I feel like her finding her butch identity was super comforting since the idea of being butch encapsulated her relationship with gender a lot better than being a tomboy or just masc. You guys are actually going to read Zim's discovery of her identity as a femme! So I won't say too much because some of the moments are really emotionally impactful (at least for me). Zim explores her sexuality with a more academic approach and discovers herself that way through literature, research, and other writings. She's entering this building her identity from scratch so she's cautious about talking about things that only a few months or a year ago she would have deemed "defective behaviors."

3 . what does being butch/stud/femme mean to you? Dib sees being butch more as her gender than being a woman. Another part of her feelings around being butch relates to her desire to be with a femme. She desires the closeness and validation of her identity that being in a butch/femme relationship would bring her on a personal level. But also she's had such generally bad experiences with people she doesn't really seek out meaningful relationships despite her desire to be in one. Zim experiences being femme as this piece of her that she was pretty much barred from because of her upbringing in the empire. Zim repressed her experience of sexuality and gender to fit into being an "ideal Irken" but now that she's free of that she can exist as a fuller version of herself. All this to say she associates her femme identity with her freedom from the empire.

6 . how long do you take to get ready in the morning? Dib: 20 minutes, 30 if she needs to shower. Zim: 45 minutes to an hour at minimum, but usually about an hour and a half. She's a high-maintenance girl.

[theotakulifechoseme]

Can we get a fluff/slight NSFW scenario of the main trio (aged up) with their s/o where they are really injured and got really hurt in their last mission physically and emotionally. So s/o comforts them and makes them feel better then yea a little bit of light NSFW but the s/o is really gentle with them because ouch injuries. And in the end they're all just uwu and cuddle lullabies them to sleep. Cuz I definitely need me some Zenitzu/Tanjiro/Inosuke content. They are my boys 💖

WHY DIDN’T TUMBLR EVER TELL ME THIS WAS SITTING IN MY INBOX??? I sad now... Sorry anon! Also, this will be posted in parts because I got sorta crazy with Tanjiro and made his over 1k words lol.

CW// Some minor angst, Reader comparing Tanjiro to a newborn (I just feel like Tanjiro would have a fascination with breasts, okay?}, female reader, female pronouns used, established relationships. Also, English lyrics for Kamado Tanjiro no Uta were used as the lullaby.

-Mama Nidiot

Tanjiro:

Tanjiro really should stop getting hurt on missions. It was just unfair to his beloved [Name] when he continuously comes back to the Butterfly Estate roughed up to some extent. And this last mission did not help matters with the demon being a freshly turned child that already devoured their family but kept looking for their beloved older sibling. It ripped at Tanjiro’s soul hearing the child cry out for their sibling after he sliced off their head, and made his newest wound burn with each stretch of his side.

It hurt even worse as [Name] dabbed an iodine-soaked cotton ball along the edges of the still weeping wound. “Tanjiro-kun,” she began, forcing a pleasant smile across her face which made the young man sweat nervously. “Will there ever be a time where you simply visit me without being injured as well?!”

“W-Well, you see [Name]-chan, this mission happened to be a bit different than the average ones I’m sent on...” he stuttered, face going white from the pain as he pressed himself against the headboard. His eyes glazed over as he looked off to the side, picturing Nezuko in the place of the demon child, as he began telling her of his mission.

[Name] listened silently, finishing placing a fresh bandage over the wound on his side. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest as she took in Tanjiro’s dazed appearance, and could see how much this mission hurt him and how lost he was getting in his own mind. Nodding to herself, [Name] cleaned up the mess she made before removing her top and breast bindings.

“Tanjiro,” she called out softly, crawling onto his lap and gently grasping his head so she could cradle him against her bosom. Her fingers carded themselves through his wavy burgundy hair, her short nails scraping against his scalp. “Tanjiro, sweetie, it’s okay. You did the right thing.”

The young man gasped, sucking in as much air as he possibly could as tears welled up in his eyes. “[Name]-chan?” he muttered, his voice muffled against her soft skin.

“There, there, Tanjiro... You’re safe, and so is Nezuko.” [Name] reassured the young man, humming softly as he cried into her cleavage, one of his hands wrapping tightly around her hips while the other shakingly came up to caress the side of her right breast. “Ah~” she gasped, hips jerking against his as the pad of his rough thumb swept over the tight nub that was her nipple.

Even with his face wet with tears, [Name] did not pull away from Tanjiro. Instead, she simply brought him even closer to her, making Tanjiro groan as he opened his mouth to leave wet kisses over her neglected breast, his teeth leaving faint marks over her smooth flesh as he finally drew her nipple into his mouth and began suckling.

[Name] hummed happily as she used her thumbs to wipe away his tears that had begun to dry. “You shouldn’t beat yourself up so much, Tanjiro. Eventually, you’ll be able to turn a demon back into a human and save all those that suffer, so just keep doing your best.” [Name] hugged him closer to her as she placed a kiss on the crown of his head.

Tanjiro returned the gesture and pulled her closer, his tongue pressed flat against the nipple in his mouth, and dragged it upwards before using the tip to flick the hard nub. It almost felt like he was trying to devour her breast with how it pressed against his mouth. He pulled back some, his face flushed as a string of his saliva kept his moist lips connected to her flushed chest. Panting heavily, the burgundy-haired male moved his attention to the other breast that his free hand had been toying with, the rough skin a welcome contrast to the soft and supple flesh of [Name]’s breast.

[Name]’s heart thudded loudly within her ribs as she placed another soft kiss on her lover’s hard forehead. “You’re like a newborn with how much you enjoy suckling on my breasts, Tanjiro~” she teased, making him flush more as she directed him to her other teat, the feeling of his Hanafuda earrings brushing against her ribs causing gooseflesh to erupt over her torso. Pressing her chest against his moist lips, [Name] encouraged him to take her breast into his mouth once more as she slowly began rocking her hips against his.

“[Name]-chan!” Tanjiro whined, his nose scrunching as he picked up her scent of amusement and arousal. His breath was hot against her skin as he buried his face against her, trying as hard as he could to ingrain her scent into his memory. “[Name]-chan,” he sighed, his head feeling fuzzy as she dragged her nails across his scalp. Tanjiro kissed and licked around the hard bud, wanting to bring more of her scent to the surface as he paused every few seconds to inhale deeply through his nose. Even under her amusement and both of their arousals, Tanjiro could pick up the smell he had been looking for. It reminded him of happier days back home, when his father was still around and just after his mother conceived his youngest brother.

Tanjiro could smell the love and care [Name] had for him as she once more encouraged him to take her stiff nipple into his mouth to suckle. It was a scent that was similar to his mother’s when she doted on his father. The realization struck a cord in Tanjiro’s heart as he brought his lover as close as possible to his heated skin. Hands rough from harsh training to use a katana and master Water Breathing kneaded at her hips, his own rocking up into hers as he closed his eyes, enjoying the taste of her skin on the tip of his tongue.

[Name] giggled, running her left hand through his soft waves while the other cradled the nape of his neck. “Close your eyes,/And remember that passing voice./I can’t return,/I can’t go back./There is only deep darkness.” She began softly, closing her own eyes and she focused solely on the man in her arms and the way he clung to her like she was his lifeline. “I can’t return, I can’t go back./There is only deep darkness./You hear a gentle sound and it makes you cry/No matter how frustrating it is,/Move forward (move forward)/Keep going (keep going)/Cut off that despair.” [Name] sung, hoping that even just for a moment that her darling Tanjiro could forget the darkness that lurks around them and have a moment of serenity. A moment to think of happier times without the scent of blood tainting it. A moment to picture a bright future where Nezuko is human once more and the Kamado family large and full of life once more without a worry about demons.

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Hi hey hello, I have something ¿that might be unpopular to say? but it’s important.

The “Therapist Friend™” is (almost always) emotionally neglected and/or emotionally abused (& likely abused in other ways too).

I mean the one who’s always helping everyone else, handing out advice like free candy, rushing to help people who get even a little upset....but they don’t ask for help, & if you offer “hey, what’s wrong?”, they either (1) go “I’m fine, nothing’s wrong, why would you think anything’s wrong, don’t worry about me haha” (*cough* the underlying thoughts: ‘please don’t take this moment of vulnerability & use it to hurt me or abuse me or use me in some way’, ‘please don’t ask, it’s unsafe to be vulnerable, I always get hurt if I admit I’m not okay’, ‘it could be worse’, &/or ‘please don’t waste your time/energy worrying over me, I don’t wanna burden you, I’m insignificant/worthless anyway’ (all thoughts we’ve actually had)), (2) they decide to trust you & dumb so much heavy sh!t at once you can’t process it (‘I tried to k!ll myself an hour ago, my sister is sick, my mom be*t me this morning, I didn’t sleep last night’), &/or (3) they tell you but laugh it off/diminish it (psst, so you won’t or it hurts less if you do) (‘mom made me take care of my sibling instead of hanging out with my friends and I didn’t sleep last night and my dad told me to k!ll myself in an argument but haha I’m sure he didn’t mean that and we all say things we don’t mean when we’re angry ¿right?, and my parents are super busy anyway and yea I basically raise my sibling but all older siblings do that ¿right? and I’m fine’). Those ones.

I’m saying this because I was one of them, since I was five years old and the first adult told me their husband was abusive and I tried to tell them to “please get away, that’s not good”. I got praised for being “mature enough to handle” this, but in reality it made me emotionally repressed and confused and I felt like if I couldn’t help someone (who likely had a problem I had no business trying to solve at that age) then I was a worthless/useless burden & had no right being alive.

Also, the “Parent Friend™”, your Mom Friend™ or Dad Friend™ or enby parent friend? Yea they were also probably abused &/or neglected.

They were at least parentified (made to be their parents’ &/or siblings’ parent from a young age), & while they may appear to be “a natural” at this, it means someone forced them to be a caretaker & nurturing, mature adult //long// before they should’ve been. When they should’ve been learning to be a person, they were taught to be an “Adult™”/Mature™ doormat for anyone who needed a parental figure, including their (adult) parents. (Some of us heal from this & maintain being a parent friend in a healthy way, but it still likely stems from childhood.)

What are the consequences of this? I didn’t know how to make a decision for myself, at least not healthily. I was always focused on how everyone else will be affected by my choices, & how ’if that choice in any way harms another person or prioritizes myself then I’m a monster who deserves to d!e’. ‘If I don’t make sure everyone around me is safe, even if I can’t relax for a second, then I’m useless.’ It again prioritizes other people and leaves me unable to take care of myself. I constantly neglected self care & I’m very slowly struggling through trying to teach myself how self care even works & how it’s not evil to take care of my own body & mind first so I have a cup to pour from in the first place.

& lastly, the “Happy Friend™”. The one who’s //always// down for anything, full of energy, ready to go, smiling, “no no no, you decide!”, & seems like nothing is wrong.

I don’t mean that there aren’t excitable ADHDers (I’m one of those) who are fine. I don’t mean the people who smile easily. I mean the one who doesn’t stop, who gets hit & smiles at you a second later, who laughs it off when someone does that “x has a crush on you! kidding haha” (y’know, implied it’s gross & embarrassing to find you pretty/handsome), who is //never// bothered even when alone with you. The one who never, ever shows they’re not okay.

Everyone thinks this kid is Mature™, Carefree™. I even got hit with “I don’t know how you’re so bubbly all the time” & “you’re just never brought down by anything! 🙂” as if that was a compliment.

But the reality is, that kid gets punished for not seeming happy. They learned it’s only gonna lead to abuse to seem not okay, or even d*ath. Because they get called ungrateful and stupid and evil and all kinds of nasty things for not faking it, they learn to fake it.

So pay attention. Please.

I was drowning (/met). I was terrified. I was using fawn response to not d!e.

Don’t assume those kids are okay. It’s not just those crying for help, it’s also the ones who hide it when they’re dy!ng.

~Nico

[felixneal]

*breathes heavily into the mic* hi everyone i’m beezus & i’m seriously so excited to be back !!! ready to cause a ruckus again !!! i’m dumb ‘cause i deleted my old intro so had to rewrite this sorry if it’s....meh? i tried to give felix some more depth so he’s not just a bully...still a bully but now he’s a proud father continue reading for more info 

「 shawn mendes. cismale. 」have you seen felix neal around yet? i hear he decided to be in POTENTAS for their JUNIOR year as a BUSINESS major. the 21 year old SHEEP is known to be assertive, passionate, abrasive and possessive. 

i don’t remember where he was born it’s only been a month or two since i’ve played him but my brain is the size of a squirrels so we’ll say he’s from california ? born & raised there by two politician parents. his family has worked in politics for a few generations & they are very very rich from it 

felix is an only child & grew up spoiled. he doesn’t know how it feels to struggle & probably never will, he gets everything he asks for, his father pays all his bills & he’s had a credit card since he was like 12 

he’s always had issues with his anger. i think he was diagnosed with something ( i don't wanna say anything specific yet because i wanna do research & see what fits him best ) from a young age but his parents neglected it & just soothed his temper with gifts. they weren’t present in his life. for the most part he was raised by his aunt but she unfortunately passed away when he was a teenager & he hasn’t had anyone steering him in the right direction since...now that i think about it he really should be on some sort of medication but hmm he’s not 

it’s not that his parent’s don’t care for him because they do !! he’s their son & they love him. they want the best for him & that’s why they sent him to school & they keep him on his feet....they just aren’t emotionally present & that’s the biggest problem 

he’s always been rude & entitled. a bully through & through...would push kids on the playground, steal their toys, one time he held a girl down & farted on her :/ in high school he was a stereotypical jock & bullied kids like he was fcking living in the 80′s...giving wedgies & swirlies i hate him 

TRIGGER WARNING MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH: ok ok nooooow the bad part so his first two years at lockwood were fine he wasn’t well liked but he had a solid group of friends, a girlfriend, he attended every party & everyone knew him !! in relationships he’s always been the jealous type, possessive, & obsessive. he craves attention & when he has it he doesn’t wanna let that person go & would do anything to keep them. he was at a party toward the beginning of his sophomore year with his girlfriend at the time saige ( *winks at james* ) & some guy started hitting on her...long story short is escalated really quickly because once felix gets started its really hard to stop him & he ended up beating this guy to a pulp & the guy died in the hospital later that night ( willing to give the guy a name if anyone wants a connection with him could be messy ). because the other guy threw the first punch & felix’s family is rich with only the best lawyers they were able to claim self defense....obviously he wasn’t innocent though so he got sentenced 8 months in jail & he just got out recently. they wouldn’t have let him come back to school but his family probably donates a lot of money & because of that they were able to convince the school to take him 

during the time he was in jail his family did a really good job of covering it up in the media so only people at lockwood know what actually happened & the people who were at the party got to see it first hand...ngl it was scary & possibly a little traumatizing to watch especially when people tried to pull him off & he kept swinging like a fcking gorilla  

ANYWAys he’s out of jail now & still adjusting to life...he’s missed a lot but he’s definitely changed a lot? is he still a jerk? hell yeah...he’ll never not be a complete asshole that’s just his personality at this point. but is he trying to get better every day?...kinda. he does actually regret what happened & he understands that it was wrong. he had a lot of time to think on it, he got to see a therapist while he was there, i’m sure the guys in there were tougher & stronger than him & that was a wake up call in itself 

he got a lot buffer in jail it was a mix from not having anything to do besides working out & wanting to be able to defend himself better. he was buff before, he looked athletic from playing sports, but now he’s bulky & only wears fcking...tank tops that show off his arms & nipples 

he goes to therapy now which has been good for him !! he still has a lot he needs to work on...he’s very aggressive & gets triggered easily but is able to hold himself back in most scenarios....no doubt that he’ll still fight every single person here if he’s given the chance but he’s actually trying not to. he’s a bit traumatized from his time in jail, he’s just now getting the help he needs & is learning how to communicate more with his family...it’s a slow process he’s a big mess & lemme just say none of what he’s struggling with justifies his actions but at least there’s some reasoning behind them 

his parents got him a dog & they actually registered the dog as an emotional support animal so he’s able to take her on trips & stuff !! her name is mr worldwide !! yea....he named her after pitbull but she’s actually a pug & his fave pass time is smushing her face...he’s like a mother & mr worldwide is his child he would kill for her lmao i imagine him walking across campus holding her under his arm like how you would carry a book or something just because he doesn’t realize...that’s not how you’re suppose to...i hate him 

he likes to push buttons because he feels like if the other person starts the fight it’s not actually his fault...a horrible mentality to have but it makes him feel better about himself? he’s rude, hard to get along with, has a lot of stereotypical douchey white boy traits like thinking women are always wrong, being stubborn, selfish, entitled, cocky...the list goes on 

i think this is all i can squeeze out for now...i’m 100% on board to keep any past plots/connections/fights or whatever i’ve had with people ( he's been back for a few months ) !! i really want to develop him as a character more this time around so i’m hopefully giving him some substance rather than just...him being an annoying asshole ya know ? so prepare yourself for some possible apologies ? 

[luntica]

Random talk about what might be classified as an alter

So I'm gonna start out with before I knew I was autistic, I did tons of research on different mental disorders in order to try and figure out what was "wrong" with me. Some would fit close but not spot on, and others made me worry too much about becoming institutionalized. Horrid fear of mental hospitals. One of the ones that fit both sectors was dissociative identity Disorder. The fear surrounding the disorder kept me from talking about the weird brain stuff i had going and I definitely didn't seek help. It took twenty years before I got a diagnosis of autism, and 18 years before I even looked at getting a therapist.

So I'll tell you the things I wouldn't have told anyone a few years back.

I know where I grew up only by state and some vague imagery. I was only about seven when the family moved to Germany and I don't remeber most things till about last two years of middle school. I have huge gaps of memory, and the few memories I do have I've been told years later. So they aren't fully legit. My mother said I had a imaginary friend named Matt, since I was young. But I don't remeber even hearing Matt's voice in my head till that middle school period. Matt showed up, in my memory, when I was in my last year of middle school. I remeber that I was walking to the teen center (basically a day care) when he started yapping about how all my friends would Betray Me. I of course ask who he was and why he would say that. He introduced himself and stated that just as things got worse at home all my friends moved up into highschool and it would always be like that. That started a long difficult relationship of him being negitive and me listening to it.

My dad was emotionally abusive at the least, neglective and strict.

My later therapist would state that due to that and my autism, I have trama.

I dissociated Alot during middle school, I didn't know it then because I didn't even know what the word was at the time let alone the many forms. But I did. "Zoning" out, not feeling like my body was mine, not recognizing my face in the mirror, the world feeling unreal, like I was just watching things happen. To this day of you asked me what type of personality I am, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I hope to funny, smart and caring. But I don't know what I really am. I don't have a real sense of self. I'm working on it and making strides but yea :/

Matt always pointed out the negitive and trusted No one. Not that I blame him after all the emotional abuse at home and emotional bulling at school, even from a nurse at one point. But as I grew closer to being 16, the age my mind told me was the no turning back point to adult hood and responsibilities, which I felt I couldn't handle on my own, which my dad had told me was the worst possible thing and ment I would be a burden to society. He got more aggressive. He'd threaten more and sometimes his words became my words. I got scared. I ended up having two major times he was in more control than I was cool with him having (texting mostly was his allowed control) once he thought the best solution to stop a friend bad joke was to jump up on the balcony railing and threaten to jump off too. My spiritual twin watched in horror as her two friends stood on the edge of a balcony threatening to jump. One joking, one not.

The other time, and I can't remember the order, I was having a bad emotional day and was sitting in the living room thinking about how stressful things were, when he edged me on to pick up a pocket knife. When I didn't, he did. He cut my left wrist, small barely notable. And my brother walked in. They talked like everything was normal before my bro started to game. Right behind my brother's back he made another cut, deeper but same length, than showed it to my bro saying it was cat scratches, a lie I ended up using at school when friend asked about the bandaid on my arm.

I grew fearful of ever letting him control again. I was suicidal but I didn't want to torture my friends like that. He tested them and I didn't like it. So I held him in, he boiled and ragged, I would find him sending mean stuff to people online, and messaging a guy who was our friend constantly fighting. I remebered most times it happened but I look back now and though I thought it was only a couple times that one friend talked with Matt, the two talked like old rivals. Idk

Anyway. Now adays I rarely hear him. And get only intrusive thoughts from time to time.

And I want to be able to be open about my mental stuff because there shouldn't be a stigma to it. People should try and understand them selves and seek help is needed.

I don't know if I've got a dissociative disorder. But if I do, it isn't a problem. It was a way of coping with what was happening to me. I havn't killed anyone and I'm still here surviving my trama.

Idk where I was going with this.

Bleh