#emotionally i feel pretty goooood

[foodsies4me]

End of the Year Fic Recs!!!

thank you @echo-bleu for tagging me! <3

I adore this as a game because I love reccing fics (and really should do it more often because So. Much. Good.Fic). This is going to be all shadowhunters I'm afraid though because I am still very much in the shadowhunters brainrot stage and haven't read much of anything else. (Also, sorry to those I haven't left a comment for yet, I WILL, spoons have just been low this year...) Also, I'll try to keep it to one rec per author because there are so many wonderful authors, but definitely go check the other fics of these people (if you haven't already) they're all excellent.

Recommend up to 5 series or multi-chapter fics from 2023 that everyone should read (multi-year WIPs count, if the last update was in 2023).

Running from the Night by @to-the-stars-writing. My forever fic spouse and the fic I reread themost this year goes to the fantastic, angsty Alec goes to live in a small village to get away from the Clave because the poor dude is traumatized fic from to-the-stars. This fic is my fics spouse (yes I got @to-the-stars-writing's permission to marry this fic) and I love, love, love it so much.

Flames to Embers by @notcrypticbutcoy: teenage!Alec is poofed into the timeline of his older self and it is lovely, sad, and heartwarming all at the same time. Also, teenage Alec is delightfully grumpy and Adult Alec is even more delightfully Done with teenage!Alec's grumpiness.

starshine and moonlight by she_who_reads (all_fandoms_reader) A three +1 fic where Alec isn't enough until he finally is. This fic is angsty and delves into Alec's (not all that great) self-worth issues and it hurts. Might or might not have cried reading it.

The Warlock's Cat by @dreaming-marchling. I hesitated a while which one I should pick from Marchling, but I ended up choosing this one (that said PLEASE go read Bleed for Me as well it is so goooood). The Warlock's Cat is a delightful "Alec gets turned into a cat and ends up in Magnus's care" fic. I adore it, and while it has its angsty or whumpy spots, it's mostly a nice, feel-good read.

Magnus Bane: Menace by AceOnIce To give some reprieve from all of the angst in this list, here is a fic of pure, unabashed fluff. Starring: Warlock Alec and Shadowhunter Magnus, the latter of which writes some truly ridiculous mission reports to HOTI Ragnor's grief.

Recommend up to 5 single chapter fics/one-shots (long or short) from 2023 that everyone should read.

The river cannot go back by @lawsofchaos1. Alec being Alec and completely in love with Magnus which leads to him committing treason like it's nothing. It is a short, brilliant fic that had me screeching like any @lawsofchaos1 fic does.

I'm finding it hard to breath by Honey_Hued_Hermes This one is pretty heave, but it does have a Hopeful Ending. Alec never promised he would tell Magnus if things ever got that bad...and sadly they do. Diving into Alec's Suicidal Thoughts and his Self-Harm tendencies.

A Most Fundamental Truth by autisticalec A missing scene from 2X10 when Alec tells Magnus that he's never been as terrified as when he feared Magnus had died from the Soul Sword. This one-shot dives into the "Alec was really very not okay emotionally" in this scene, so go read it!

The Difficult Task by @dani-dabbles: Another Alec is going through it emotionally fic (there are quite a lot of these on this list I just realized, oops). Thankfully, Magnus is there to offer support when Alec needs it because Magnus is still the best boyfriend. (also the repeated "not good enough"is evil and I am suing for emotion damages, please and thank you very much)

come to me (in the night hours) by @moonlight-breeze-44 Izzy is a supportive sister and is there emotionally for Alec right before his wedding to Lydia. This fic left me feeling all sad and weepy. This fic is technically part of a series, but as no other parts have been posted yet I am posting this in the one-shot part.

Recommend up to 5 fics NOT from 2023 that everyone should read (oldies but goodies).

I've Always Dreamed of Meeting Someone Like You by ColorfulWarlock A non-magical Alternate Universe this time around. Single-dad, fashion designer, and CEO Magnus needs someone to draw his designs for him after a hit-and-run leaves him unable to draw for himself. Insert Alec, the wonderful babysitter, and game designer who seems to understand what Magnus envisions and draw them into reality!

Angelus ex Machina by BlueA The series starts with the sudden disappearance of demon activity and the way that lack of activity impacts the local Shadow World. I love the way the parabatai bond is portrayed in this fic (especially in the third installment).

through the fire and pain by alxndrlightwoods is another parabatai-bond deep-dive that goes deep into how a parabatai bond can change shadowhunters. It also explains why, if parabatai are so powerful, there aren't that many of them. Love this fic!

i cannot touch because they are too near by @faejilly nobody manages to write poetry without writing poetry quite like @faejilly for me, seriously the words are always so beautiful I am in awe. This fic has to be my absolute favorite though because deep-dives into the parabatai bond are interesting to begin with but the way Jilly decides to do so in this fic makes it go from interesting to absolutely brilliant.

Greater Love Hath No Man by @lawsofchaos1 Okay, I lied, here is a second Laws fic, but considering this fic led to the demise of my laptop, I felt that it deserved to be on the list. (No, that wasn't a joke). Dad!Alec is forced to send baby!Max away to a warlock orphanage when his magic grows too strong for him and leaves him injured. The pain is real and it is excruciating, tissues are advised.

Recommend up to 5 of your own fics (completed or WIP) from 2023 that everyone should read.

As much as I adore reccing fics, doing self-recs is awkward, so I'm going to keep this to one rec before I combust into flames.

All Was Golden (everyone has probably read that one already because it's my most-read fic which makes this slightly less awkward than reccing any other of my fics.) Anyway, soulmate AU with a kind of ugly meet that has some angst.

Tagging, without any kind of pressure, the authors I tagged in the rec-list (if they haven't participated already) as well as @miss-mouse.

[turntabless]

🔮 honey - samia 🔮

welcome! to! the! first! installment! of! turntable takes!!! that’s a working title i think it’s cute. idk <3 to start this off i took a request from my wife @missnoirr herself <3 thanks tiana i love you !!! this is not going to be well written or concise and i also don’t know much about the specifics of music theory. sorry guys

genre: pop, indie rock

kill her freak out

ooooooh this is good. keys throughout the beginning are insanely thematic and fit really well with her beautiful voice! the layering is gorgeous! the lyrics hurt me and are very filmcore to me, fitting perfectly with the music <3 the little distortion bits about halfway through are so tasteful. yummy. the layering growing and the volume getting louder? love. chiming strings are lovely. atmosphere insane !!!! warbling keys at the end i owe my life to you <3

charm you

immediately struck by the acoustic guitar and the layered vocals. beautiful. bass and drums pick up and it’s a vibe !! oooooooooh god falsetto in the background fucks! he lil upticks at the end of some phrases are mesmerizing. lyrics are fun! and so earnest at parts! two tracks in samia already has a gorgeous voice.

pink balloon

stripped down piano and vocals immediately i’m in love. jesus these lyrics are. something else and presented in a way that captures the emotion of the song. feels kinda nostalgic and youthful which absolutely adds to it. jesusssssss the heartbreak the reality of it. the ending phrases are going to

murder me.

mad at me (featuring papa mbye)

OOOO fun lil intro with a good beat and keys!! voice is so effortless this is insane. loving the distortion and the CRACKLY GUITAR. so nice. goooood!!!! all of these lyrics so far are incredibly real and feel so coming of age and youthful. papa mbye has such a smooth voice it’s so pleasing to me? and it works insanely well with samia’s???also love the interplay between the two with the lyrics. lovely

sea lions

screaming “porn kills love outside your window with the adventists” was a fun sexy lil starting line and immediately endeared me. cause yeah. also starting the phrase with just her voice then adding the bass-heavy keys is such a good choice. also this is just painting such a picture of a nasty breakup with someone you still care for and it’s killing me right now! beautiful. samia QUEEN OF LAYERING. WOAH. DISTORTION BREAKDOWN INTO SOME DRUM BEATS AND SYNTH. this is so funky but the chiming keys still feel sooooo youthful and hopeful !!! very intrigued at what the spoken parts near the end mean and might look into it further but samia’s voice is beautiful on top of it. probably one of my favourites on the album so far.

to me it was

ohhhhhhh fade in from the last song with some pretty acoustic guitar. this feels like a story or letter adressed to someone and gives very much the impression of anxiety and coming into one’s own with someone else by your side. beautiful. very emotionally evocative with some beachy guitar and fun slides. this one might be the realest one i think. ALTO HARMONY JESUS that was nice. more layering and harmonies and it feels so nostalgic and so hopeful!!!! this is beautiful. a little spoken part that gives a slice of life that transitions into another language!!!

breathing song

ooooooo. separated synthy parts at the beginning and her vocals (autotuned but so tastefully!) shine so beautifully. twinkling notes mixing beautifully with the bass-heavy synths then the piano picks up on top of that? raindrops! these lyrics….. very evocative and make me think of an unhealthy relationship and working through the mental health aspect of it. OH instrumental cuts out and samia belts so desperately…. gorgeous. ABRUPT CUT ??? queen

honey

so lovely. acoustic guitar strumming pretty quick and light and the lyrics are VERY night out with the girls after a long week and the world just falls away. so hopeful but at the same time there’s… a note of melancholy that i can’t help but feel? layered harmony and drums kicking in, this is so feel-good. BASS BASS BASS. GOD YUM? cute lil riff underneath? oooooooh. male harmony underneath transitioning into what sounds like a choir. beautiful beautiful beautiful. this is truly like. 2am at a party you don’t want to stop!

nanana

ohhhhhh god. the lyrics on this one…. starts out hurting lots!!! “trying not to cry while the choir sings bleak midwinter cause they believe in something” ohhhhhh. sweet little guitar plucking with the slightest bit of feedback/electricity filtering through. feels like a bit of a lullaby. PICKING UP WITH SOME BASS AGAIN i love this !!! still feels very ethereal and honestly like looking out of the window during winter and watching the snowflakes fall, contemplative and depressed and can’t look away. WHISPERS IN THE BACKGROUND and instruments and vocals harmonizing with her voice. CUTE MALE CHOIR MOMENT with a soft “hey boys” introduction, and i love that their voices aren’t as polished.

amelia

keys!!!! soft vocals with a bit of rasp filtering through is scratching my brain quite nicely !!! OOOOO !!! fun drum beats and layering with some pretty guitar! her voice kinda phasing in and out is so nice! another really exciting song that feels like FUN. samia’s higher register is my favourite thing that’s insane !!!! lower guitar riffing hidden in the background provides such a nice harmony there. PULSATING SYNTHY BURST. WHEW.

dream song

ooooooo. pretty pretty lower guitar mixing so well with her voice, transitioning into an ascending little riff that goes back down. layered harmonies get me INSANE!!!! this song sounds like feeling on top of the world with someone no matter how impulsive or reckless it is. beautiful contemplative lyrics <3

thoughts: beautiful beautiful album perfect for coming of age movies, breakups and scream-crying about!!! i love the way samia uses layering and the keys, and the way the song progresses and gets more complex and deeper/bassier! fun poppy indie mix!!! samia’s lyrics go so hard and they’re subtle sometimes in that you hear it, take a quick second to process it and feel your heart drop a little <33

[toothlesshat]

Another blog I follow had an anon ask them about thsi au ide and I legit jsut need to known you take on thsi cuz it jsut be ahdstiostisttstjrjsrydo so fucking goooood!!!

Ok so like... the idea is based on Draxum and how for most of the first part of the series he's had the goal of capturing the turtles. This au kinda explores the concept a bit where he's less "if you don't join me I kill you" and more "Disaster Dad is Bad At Feelings" and it boils down to him jsut wanting his fucking kids back after Splinter ran off with them and finding them again after like 13 years and being extremely kidnappy and creepy about it (like he was with his kot so subtle crush on Lou Jitsu) but like without the murder attempts or trying to force them to become weapons. He tries to excuse his actions as just wanting his property back but in the event he does capture the turtles he doesn't really do anything to hurt them or anything (at least intentionally)

The example used to explain this is the Bug Busters episode, specifically the scene where he throws Leon off the roof. In this alt scenario, RAPH would be the one correct, at least partially. Draxum does drop Leo when his bluff is called but only long enough to get the oozequitoes and he uses his vines to catch him before he can fall far enough to actually get hurt (with the exception of maybe a broken ankle cuz bad catch with the vine wrapping around his leg to stop him from falling) because in that moment he was prioritizing the capture of his turtles over the oozequitoes.

I’m not gonna say too much about this because I don’t wanna potentially steal someone else’s au idea but it’s interesting! Personally I like Draxum’s arc as it is but I’m never one to disregard a little “Draxum cares but is so emotionally constipated he has no idea how to express it so he just does the most morally dubious shit ever” au akdjjdjfkfkk I just don’t think Splinter would appreciate his bullshit very much, but hey the custody battle would be pretty funny

[castlebyersafterdark]

i totes agree with your take about finn and ghostbusters, and i think it's because he's an adult. like, he was given free reign on IT to be himself and improv, but the whole characterisation was believable cos it was just kids in a smalltown? despite the killer clown lol. but in GB he's just finn in a GB costume, and i think HE felt that way too, so the immersion required as a self-aware adult to get into character was missing. this might not be his fault. idk... but i think the magic of early ST owes a lot to the lack of self-awareness of these kids who were having a blast. but now, cos of the way theyve aged, the issues are sort of the same (monster to fight etc), but the actors are now adults, so the question is: can they as performers emotionally connect with these characters in a way that makes fighting said monster believable?

this is also why i hope for a really deep psychological arc for mike in s5, cos it will give finn something meaty and grounding (like sadie had in s4) hidden in the subtext, instead of just fighting a big tentacle or something. s4 felt very performative and theatrical to me. 11's screaming and powers are getting tired too; only the helicopter scene gave me actual chills, and that was mainly down to shock + big budget effects cos it looked real. but her tricks are old. wanna be totally surprised in s5 tbh

Yes!! I think I actually need to sit down and watch the GB films beyond clips for an honest acting read but siiigh I'm just so resistant to a remake! I'm too much of an 80s diehard but for some real Finn analysis I feel like I gotta. Because what you said feels very accurate already. Finn in a costume. Where Mike was wearing a GB costume and it was a character moment haha. It's very interesting how goooood these kids were as actors and the thing is - child actors don't always grow up to be amazing adult actors (errrr, maybe not the best wording. Mind jumps to adult film 🤭🤭 anyway). Normal actors! The emotions and the humor were sooo so vulnerable and flowy when Finn was younger. I thought he was pretty good in season 4 but not as good as early seasons? The mike and will scenes were great - but honestly, they weren't as meaty acting-wise as earlier seasons (s2 in particular).

S5 is a make or break!!! S1-s4 was a story about childhood and growing up but s5 is a coming of age journey. Raw emotions. Vulnerability. Facing deep, self-reflection - I love the idea of very inward character moments in the face of an outward, dynamically changing world (the end of the world!) there are monsters to fight, but internal demons to confront. And beautiful things, too. Can these actors pull it off??? Will and mike are obviously my favorites and I honestly have no doubts that Noah can do it. Finn?? I really, really want him to do amaaaazing. Like I've said. The bits I've seen of him in other things haven't blown me away as much as young Mike and Richie have. Fingers crossed, he's still my fave regardless lol

In regards to his career in general - I'd love to see him leading or being top billed in a comedy where he doesn't play a teenager. Could be college! I know nostalgia films might be a type-cast at this point, be he's honestly the type of dude where it fits? He's an old soul. He's into retro stuff. Put him in a 70s era period piece about some young 20 somethings getting into raunchy hijinks. I would personally diiiiiie. Please kill me, Finn. Slay me with some flare jeans and crude humor and we're golden.

[thighridingsamu]

good morning everyoooooonnnnneeee

[harm0nianecterepassus]

The Fallout “commentary” (inner thoughts, NOT a review or critic)

Day one: Dude, The Fallout is soo confusing, like how did you guys manage? I can’t make up some of the scenes in my head, it’s so vague and then so specfic and jumpy. I’ve never read something like it.

It’s so hard to keep track of the days (do they mean anything besides just to count them?), i have to keep looking back. And the narrative - my poor non-native english brain is finding it hard to comprehend…

But i can’t.stop.reading!

It’s so riddling I keep coming back to it for more.

79 pages in- did anyone find it as confusing?

Day two: i take it back, it just got so fucking goooood ~ who cares about the day count lol

Day four: ok this is becoming a post about the wild journey that The Fallout has become for me; i’m about 100 pages in, and my god, it’s still confusing, but it’s got me tight by the ovaries. Jesus christ take the wheel… will update later

Day six: so i’m about 250 pages in and it’s becoming more like a proper thing, like more of a steady narration and i’m loving it, i’m not as lost with descriptions, only when they go on missions, it’s still a bit blurry in my imagination but it’s still great. So spoiler: the war has been “over” for about 30 or so pages, but not really? I’m curious to see what happens? Also, spoiler again: Neville’s news broke my heart :( will update soon!

Day seven: i’m 309 pages in and i have to say i think i have reached a wall… so, this is NOT a post about me critizicing this amazing piece of work, ‘cause lord knows i would never be able to write something like this. It’s just my inner thought while in this Fallout ride I’m on… That being said, i think it could’ve ended about 50 or 70 pages ago… i’m not sure what’s next after (SPOILER) Ron’s back… we’ve had two big climaxes (the war and then Ron) but now i’m not sure there’s something that could amount to that? Don’t get me wrong, i’m looking forward to reading the 180 or so pages left, but right know i feel the storyline is a bit without direction and d and h’s relationship should have advanced a bit more emotionally? (To my personal liking, not sayin it would be “the best for the story” bc it’s not my story) but like, them not communicating pretty much at all is giving me a headache, and a heartache… like, please say something! I can’t handle the hot and cold thing for much longer and don’t want to feel like it’s just dragging and losing momentum… anyways, of course i’m updating and going straight back to reading, it’s 1:33 a.m.

Day nine: i’m finished. It’s really over… 485 pages later, my eye sight definitely worse off after countless hours of reading. I have to say, i didn’t expect it turning out the way it did, and idk why bc it kind of was a lot of the same for the last 185 pages… i really wanted to absolutely obssess over it but i found myself thinking “now something big is going to happen” and then 30 pages later: “ok now something big is going to happen” and then i reached page 470 and… nothing really. I don’t really know how to feel… again, this is not me throwing shade, or criticizing or anything like that, it’s just my experience as a reader. So yeah, of course my hat is off to the amazing effort and talent of the author, there’s a reason this fic is regarded as one of the dramione fics ppl need to read. It just lacked a few things in my personal opinion and preference, which is worth nothing in the end lol. I would still reccommend it to anyone! And i guess that, to finish off, and for my personal record, i would give it a solid 4 out of 5 rating.

I’m having lots of fun “journaling” about my reading experience, i think i might continue, if only for my own entertainment and to look back :)

[jtargaryen18]

First of all😏 the smut was goooood . You never fail to write good smut . Okay but I still don't feel any exchange of emotion between them . Steve still feels very disappointing and the way you are writing it , at this moment this guy doesn't seems ready to fall in love anytime soon .more like he gonna disappoint the reader in near future . Also there's so much mystery, I'm low-key rooting for Yelena yet something about her seems suspicious after the bathroom disappearance( Also Florence Pugh is so pretty 🥺🥺) . Writing wise this Fic seems very different than any of your dark fics . Some how I still want the reader to be free and strong , so far this steve's character is less emotionally connecting character of yours . Bucky as villan though got a really great personality . A well intended 'why' behind his actions and behavior, it's an excellent example of character building . Other antagonists are also really well written . There's a well build atmosphere surrounding this fic . It's not just smut smut,it got plot an actual plot ,something a lot of fanfics don't always targets . If it were a book I would have actually read this for plot . You really created a good plot. It got so much potential . Thank you for writing it . Hope everything is going well. Take care .

Damn, thank you so much for this. That's quite a review. I really don't think you missed anything. Steve we haven't spent as much time with as we have the reader and that was important to me because I wanted to keep everyone guessing to that point. If we don't know a lot about Steve and his intentions, the reader's situation is just all the more uncertain. So thank you.

I'm pleased that you don't trust his intentions or Yelena's. Bucky seemed to be a threat and still is but there's also Kat and Hansen. This one has a few layers and a different heroine for me in fanfics anyway. So I couldn't be happier with this. .🙏If you'd read it for plot... I'm honored. Truly am.

Now, when we get back to the next chapter, we're going to be in Steve's POV. We'll see where he is in all this because emotionally? Yeah, he's been aloof. Trying to make this a business transaction. How long will that last? Will he disappoint his new wife?

Thank you. 💞💞💞

[wolveswithhats]

wondergreat replied to your post

what animes you watching recently?

In the past few months I've rewatched Escaflowne, Ergo Proxy, Claymore, Cowboy Bebop and just got through with Trigun. I have a season and a half left of Inuyasha, which I had previously only had seen bits and pieces of on Adult Swim. I'll probably hit up Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and Outlaw Star at some point as well.

Between all the streaming services and crunchyroll, so I'm watching a whole bunch of new stuff too, random pilots here and there. A lot are pretty mediocre (I'm so picky), but in terms of ones that have actually grabbed me:

Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress. Steampunk Snowpiercer with zombies! Has some absolutely beautiful animation and fight scenes, and surprisingly touching slowburn surrogate brother/sister relationship between the two leads (the titular Kabaneri / half-zombies).

Parasyte -the maxim-. Body horror odd couple sitcom between a high school student and the parasitic alien nesting in his hand. Only two episodes deep, but if the screamo metal opening is any indication, shit is going to turn into a Battle Royale bloodbath of body-snatching aliens vs a Boy and His Hand Monster. I'M DOWN.

Erased. A murder mystery with a time travel twist, as a man is sent back to 1988 to relive his childhood, and using his knowledge of future events, has to twart a serial killer. Probably the most emotionally draining anime I've ever seen, watching this character try to save his classmate from both the murderer and her abusive homelife. The last two episodes kind of lost me a little, but it's absolutely worth checking out if you want to be emotionally steamrolled (you do, trust me, it’s goooood).

I’ve also watched the first episodes of The Perfect Insider, Another, From the New World, School Live, Psycho Pass, and Akame ga Kill, but wasn’t really feeling any of them. I enjoyed the first episode of Gate, but I’m told it gets fanservice-y later, so not sure if I want to invest any time in that one.

[thugzshack]

I failed at cooking for probably the third time my entire life, and of course it was beautiful funfetti dab cupcakes made from scratch and I made an error with the way i tried to cook them. They're delicious and deflated... my pride is pretty deflated too. But I kinda balled my eyes out for an hour about the deflated ones. I think I needed to cry anyways, and that just pushed me to the limit. But i've honestly been anxious all day despite being emotionally stable recently (so stable im like half dissociating cause im half emotionally stimulated as fuck and half repressing/almost not thinking as myself/without emotion or bias. Fuckin fuck. My mania is slowing down. It was really intense for about four days. Now i'm milking the rest of it with moonshine haze and ghost trainhaze, trying to stay as positive and motivated as possible. I cant believe i spent 4 hours busting ass doing this damn shit and half of it looks like midz. :/ that shit was goooood too, blue dream dabs in it. You could taste the terps behind the confetti goodness and then i made a dank cake batter buttercream and i didnt even get to use it.

Someone i know who i havent been on good terms with for awhile, told me to get off tumblr. But honestly I'd rather cope with my life the way I want to, than have to pay for therapy or take out my problems on the people around me, who honestly have enough going on in their own lives. Idk i'm just trying to catalogue my daily feelings, the rises and falls. I can't let the memories slip away because i repress them