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snnbnny · 3 years ago

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₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.Jealousy is an Alphabet Soup Made of Booze and Bozos₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

->the edited edition pairing: S. Gojo x reader, slight Y.Itadori x reader + one shot. c/w: bartender Yuuji, business man and colleague Satoru, they're all idiots, from angst to fluffy smut, afab and fem aligned but not exactly stated reader, Alcohol consumption is mentioned heavily but not actually shown, Friends With Benefits, IRL AU, Mentions of Heartbreak, they're all idiots, Jealousy, soft and emotional sex, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Fingering, master honorific, Squirting, Counter Sex, Overstimulation.

Ringing, ringing, click. “This is Satoru Gojo, leave a message~, or not.”

“Gojoooooo, hi-” You murmured in an almost guilty tone into the phone whose speaker was way too close to your mouth. “Uhm, if you g- *hiccup*- get this message c-could you please come to the uhm-’Flying Dutchman Brew-brewing Company?’… ‘m sorry I jus’, I didn’t know who else to call and and- yeah, p-please hurry.” You were on the brink of crying, sitting at a corner table of this unfamiliar bar alone and drunk.

You weren’t someone who would normally do something like this. This was the first time you had let yourself be coerced by your friends to go out and just drink and drink and drink. You honestly couldn’t recall what led up to this point and all the shenanigans that had taken place during the night, 3 A.M. in a medium-full bar and coming down from one hell of a buzz alone with no purse in sight just a phone at 34% and a minor sense of dread. You didn’t want to call him of all people, but in actuality, you didn’t have many other options- all of your friends were out with you when the night began, and where they went wasn’t of relevance to you since the traitors abandoned you. You didn’t have any family who lived close by. So the last resort your drunk mind could conjure was Satoru Gojo.

For clarification, Gojo and you had been seeing each other on and off for a couple of months- also someone above you in your company, a fact you were unaware of when you first started seeing him. You wouldn’t call it dating, hookups with random moments of tenderness, and even just hanging out sometimes, but you had quickly developed feelings for the charming man despite an agreement to keep it casual. Almost three weeks ago whatever you two had, had ended. What happened? Well, you discovered he was seeing this executive, seeing him more seriously than he was seeing you, and you couldn’t help the jealousy that bubbled in your chest. You picked a nonsensical fight over something else- Long story short, this was the first time you had any form of contact with him since you stormed out of his apartment after (well, technically during) said fight. You had actively avoided him during work and didn’t check the messages he sent you. It was hard on you though, emotionally it felt like a break-up with a long-term partner after finding out they were cheating on you- heartbreaking. You had been wallowing and wallowing until you were dragged out to drink tonight, and see where it got you. Right back into the lanky man’s arms, in a way.

“Hey ma’am?” the kind bartender that was tending you that night asked, his apron was nowhere in sight instead he had a satchel hanging from his strong shoulders. “Do you have a ride home? I’m sorry to bother you, I had just noticed that the people you were with had left and you look pretty sad- hey hey don’t cry-” This poor guy was your tipping point, he was mid-sentence when a sob had escaped you. You had started to break down, sure you were an emotional person but over the year you had managed to get it under control but between the situation, exhaustion, and the lingering alcohol in your system- you were fragile at the time.

“I’-I’m sorry, I’m okay.” Despite your shaky reassurance, he sat down across the table with a soft smile. He was pretty, his most striking feature was his spiky pink hair and wide hopefully brown eyes.

“ ‘names Yuji Itadori, but please call me Yuji.” He smiled brightly.

You sniffed, a pause in the new conversation before you realized he was silently asking for your name, which you stuttered out, “ It’s nice ta meet y-you.”

“You too, pretty. You were on the phone just now, right? Is someone on their way for you?” He was talking to you almost like you were a lost child, but you honestly didn’t mind, the company was keeping your mind off of reality. How likely is it that Gojo was awake? Even if he was, would he even bother to listen to your message or come?

You just gave Yuji a hopeless smile and shrugged, “Don’ think so. He didn’t pick up. Pro-probably won’t even get the message.” For a second you saw the man tense at the mention of a man.

The tenseness was momentary, swiftly taken over by sympathy which was taking up more and more of his handsome features, “Your boyfriend? If it is a boyfriend I’m sure he’s on his way here if he loves you as I’m sure any sane man does.”

“N-no, he’s no-ot my boyfriend. Not even close, a col-colleague of sorts. But what do ya mean by ‘if he loves you as I’m sure any sane man does’?” You couldn’t help the question, looking at him almost doe-eyed.

An awkward chuckle escaped him, one that made you shiver a little. “Just that you’re pretty and really nice. I’m sure every person in your life, and in their right mind, really likes you.” A faint dusting of pink was splashed over his cheeks when he said that, scratching his chin with one finger while he looked at the wall.

It made you also blush and fidget, “I, uhm, thank you that i-is so sweet. you’re dashing yourself, Yuji.“ checking your phone to find no messages or calls from Gojo, although there was a picture of your friend Emily holding your purse apologizing for taking it. It’s been almost 15 minutes and you’ve lost most of your faint hope in the tall man you had called.

“Thanks,” he was sounding a little bashful. “But if he doesn’t show up in a bit is there a way you could get an uber or-?”

“No, my friend took my purse and-and keys. I’m totally s-stranded.” You sulked, letting your head fall into your arm on the table before coming back up. You could see the thoughts in his concerned brain when you looked back up. You felt guilty for burdening this poor bartender, he was kind enough to check on you when you returned that nicety with your hopeless sobs.

“I’d offer to let you stay at my place,” He began, hesitation in his tone. “But that’s kinda creepy, you don’t know me and I don’t know you… Stranger danger and all.”

You laughed and nodded at his statement, “Yeah, I-I meannn you seem real nice Yuji. B-but that seems like a, uh, last resort. Ya know?”

Yuji bobbed his head, his pink tufts bouncing with the movement. You noticed the faint sheen of sweat on his skin making him glimmer in the low light of the bar that was emptying slightly as you spoke with Itadori. “Let me keep you company, at least. Can’t leave a pretty thing like you alone in a bar like this.” You blushed and smiled as you nodded in agreement. The conversation fell to small talk, learning bits and pieces about each other. He loved movies and also doing impersonations. He showed you his interpretation of Tom Hanks in Castaway, which made you laugh.

Yuji was in the middle of telling you a story from when he was bit by a venomous snake on a trip to South America when your heart, which mind you was in overdrive already from the charismatic man in front of you, did a flip. A man had stormed through the bar’s entrance, an all too familiar beanpole with white hair that was messy. Gojo’s eyes flew all across the bar at lightning speed before they landed on yours, leading to him storm through the bodies in his way to reach you as quick as his gaze was before. He grabbed your face and started checking you over as soon as he was close enough.

“y/n are you alright, what the hell-?” Gojo started before noticing the guy across from you, dropping his hands at the sight of Itadori. “Well, hi there. So sorry was I interrupting something?”

The ice in his tone was cold enough to make you physically shiver, “Gojo, th-thank god. I had uhm, Ale took my purse and I did-didn’t have anyone else to call. Yuji was jus’ keepin me companyyy.” You couldn’t control your instincts which drove you to stand and hug Gojo, almost burying yourself in his chest. He was warm and smelt of sandalwood which was so comforting it made you wish to cry your eyes out, again. You were hurting a little inside, a dull ache in your chest. But who would it hurt to savor your chance to have sweet, wholesome contact? You, but you can blame the booze.

Gojo hesitantly reciprocated the hug, a faint sigh escaping his supple lips as his chin buried into your hair. You couldn’t see it, but Yuji had stiffed up at the sight of affection and his face had a sour expression for a second. It made Satoru want to chuckle but he held it in with the self-control he did have.

“If it-it’s not tooo much to ask uh,” You whispered up to the man, giving him puppy eyes when you pulled back a little making him smile faintly. “My keysssss, they’re in my purse, and I uh need a place to stay-”

“I figured, you can stay at my place. I’ve told you that before doll.” Gojo petted your head. In the past, you had the rare treat to see Satoru’s sweet and soft side but this was a whole new level. Maybe you were imagining it but he was being so delicate with you at the moment that made your heart pitter-patter more than it already was. “Common, it’s late. Don’t want you to pass out right here right now, don’t think the janitorial staff would be pleased.”

The normally jovial man started to guide you out of the bar with an arm around your shoulder before you stopped him, “Wwait, Yuji- I knowww we j-just met but, can I have your number?” You extended your phone with the contacts app open to Itadori who you were not standing right in front of. He took the phone with a glimmer in his eye at your statement. Handing it in after creating his little space on your phone. “I’ll- text you. Thank you Yuji Itadori.”

With that Gojo practically dragged you away and out of that establishment. You recognized Gojo’s new Toyota supra, colored the same blue as his eyes, parked right in front. In a no-parking zone, of course. He ushered you into the passenger’s seat, buckling your seatbelt for you before closing your door. You only murmured a thank you, instead of any protest for once, to which Satoru responded with a hum. Once settled in the relatively comfy seats, exhaustion hit you like a freight train. Gojo had only just pulled out of the spot when tiredness consumed you and you completely passed out.

—

You came too surrounded by light and a fluffy quilt wrapped haphazardly around your body. You laid there for a minute, savoring the perfect temperature and comfort level your body was at; but also the calmness in the air accompanied by only faint sounds of life outside the bedroom’s window wall. It took you a bit before the night before (and the mornings) memories flooded back to you, causing a groan to escape you and the faint headache to surface. You struggled out of your fluffy prison your sleep self had entrapped you in, when you finally surfaced, shooting upwards into a sitting position which made you slightly dizzy. You were met by the sight of a very familiar room, Gojo’s. His stylish and mostly monochrome stylings with led strips that weren’t on, the sight brought back up the faint bubbling of home but also heartbreak. You looked around the room to find him, but he wasn’t in sight. However, you did notice your phone plugged in on the nightstand which also had a glass of water and ibuprofen, also a note.

‘I’ll b back, called u out of work- went to get your purse. Donuts on the counter. - Satoru <3’

A small smile tugged on your lips, and the domestic energy warmed your heart, rereading the note before taking the ibuprofen and chugging the glass of water. Standing to stretch you caught a glimpse of yourself in the floor-length mirror Gojo had, you were disheveled at best: hair wild in an outlandish style that can never be replicated, and the fancy clothes you were wearing the night prior were replaced by Gojo’s Glass Animals t-shirt and a pair of his boxers, and your makeup and the sweat were mostly cleaned off although some remnants could be seen.

You could hear the apartment door open with the jingle of keys, you made your way to the bedroom’s entrance and stood. His open concept home made it so you were direct across from him, many feet between you two. Gojo was in gray sweatpants and a black long-sleeved shirt that was form-fitting- with a pair of sunglasses on his nose bridge, of course. Your purse and his keys in hand. He froze in place for a second at the sight of you, a smile pulling the sides of his mouth as he gave you a slow once over. Satoru freed a nimble hand to pull down his sunglasses to throw them on the countertop.

“Well good morning, sleepyhead.” He cooed, finally making his way further into the apartment and closing the door gently. You also made your way closer to him, almost drawn to him. “I went to Ale’s for your purse-”

Your brow quirked upwards, “But it wasn’t Ale who had it-”

A nod came from the man, who was now only 3 feet from you and itching to be closer. “Yeah, yeah I know that now. I was bamboozled by your drunk self to think that Ale had it. Thankfully the fourth place I went, Emily’s, was correct. She was oddly so eager to give me, a man she barely knows, your purse. If I was you I wouldn’t trust her with anything until she has a refresher course on stranger danger.”

You giggled, the fact was you only had like 4 friends that he knows of. Making Emily’s that last place he went, “Yeah well, can’t blame ‘er for being nice. Stranger danger should be implemented in standard employee training. Can’t have everyone getting kidnaped or even worse- them give away company supplies!”

“Oh god no!” He faked being appalled. “It can’t happen, the world will CRUMBLE!”

You couldn’t hold back the laughter anymore, and neither could Gojo because you both spent a long minute laughing to the point where it was hard to breathe. When you two had calmed down, he handed you your purse, which you put down almost immediately. It wasn’t that it wasn’t a huge relief, but you wanted to savor this time with Satoru even for a little bit.

“Thank you,” It came out quieter than you intended, and so did the rest of your sentence. “For everything, Gojo. Truly you saved my ass when you didn’t have to. Especially after everything, which I would like to apologize for because I acted so unfairly and honestly childish-”

“y/n, I would do anything for you in a second,” The words came out of the tall man’s mouth quicker than he thought them. “Don’t beat yourself up about the past, I just want to know what I did.”

The silence was almost deafening, the only sound was your heartbeats, “Gojo-”

“How many times do I have to ask you,” His voice was gentle compared to the rigidity of the words. “Please call me Satoru.”

“Satoru,” you corrected. “You didn’t do anything really.” Bashfulness took over, could you admit to him your feelings? You couldn’t look him in the eye, instead, you looked down to the floor.

The sapphire-eyed man was quick to close the gap between you, putting a finger under your chin to force you to look at him. “Sweetness, please tell me.”

“I just, I couldn’t handle a casual relationship anymore.” You murmured, giving him a sad look. “I know about you and Ichika Hanamaki, how your relationship with her was going. And I realized I couldn’t do it anymore.”

A scoff left his mouth, “Me and Hanamaki slept together, I admit. But it was only once or twice, there was no relationship there. I can barely tolerate her most of the time. Where the hell would you have heard this bullshit?”

Embarrassment and regret seized your body, blush creeping onto your skin. “She can’t keep her mouth shut in the break room.”

He grimaced and sighed, letting go of your face and walking over to the donut box on the kitchen counter and grabbing a chocolate glazed one for him, and your favorite type of donut for you. You stood there a minute with the pastry in your hand before you mentioned, “It broke my heart ‘Toru. These past weeks I’ve been miserable-”

“I think I’m in love with you, y/n.” He blabbered out, confidence but also vulnerability all over his face and body language. He was now leaning his back against the butcher block while you still stood near the counter which had bar stools. Gojo could hear the swift intake of breath and saw how wide your eyes were. “This entire time, that’s all I could think about. How I was so stupid to fuck it up when I finally realized my feelings for you.”

“Satoru…” You whispered. You felt faint, to be honest, but that was the least of your problems. “Please don’t be playing with me right now.”

“What? No, god no. y/n I joke about a lot of things, but I would never joke about this to you.” You made your way closer to him with small steps, he waited for you patiently until you were in arms reach- it was then when Satoru pressed your body to his and he kissed you like a starving man, hands bracing the side of your face. Every time you thought he was going to pull away you were wrong, you had barely any oxygen left when you finally pushed him off. Even then his face was mere inches from yours as you both breathed heavily.

“‘Toru,” you pleaded. You were fisting his shirt like holding onto him would save you from the end of the world. “‘Toru, I love you too. Please lemme be your significant other, I don’ think I could stand to lose you again.”

“You just made my year, sweetness, I would be honored!” With another bone-breaking, air-stealing kiss the relationship you had both longed for and grieved over was sealed. This time the kiss wasn’t filled in desperation but with pure joy and affection, so much joy that little giggles escaped the both of you while you kissed passionately. He wrapped his arms around you, engulfing your smaller frame with his when he deepened the kiss- at this point the two of you were making out not just kissing. With a bite on your lip, his nimble tongue got access to your mouth; quickly gained dominance over your tongue, and then explored his territory.

You couldn’t help the moan which was quick to surface, it was a sound that made Satoru Gojo lose the last strand of composure and control he had. Picking you up by grabbing behind your thighs, he placed you on the counter the show of strength making you gasp as well as the shock of the cold marble on your bare skin.

“Please baby, let me show you how much I need you.” He asked into your ear which he started nibbling. You barely got a breathy, ‘yes, god please-’ out before he was attacking you like a starved animal. One of Gojo’s hands groped your breast while he started berating your neck with bites and sucking- trying to mark you as his. You were desperately gripping onto him, hands finding use by raking up his back, your head was thrown back to give Satoru the accessibility he wanted. Suddenly, the man’s free hand made its presence known by grabbing and squeezing your thigh all too close to your acing core which throbbed due to a certain someone.

Gojo pulled back, freeing both himself and you of your tops before picking you up to take off the boxer he had dressed you in before, “You know, changing a past out drunk person is pretty suspicious of you.” You couldn’t help the joke as it slipped past your swollen red lips.

“Would you have preferred it if I had just stripped you?” ‘Toru teased, the tone becoming more serious when he instructed: “Green means good, yellow means to slow down, red means to stop. ‘Ya ready for me angel?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, anticipation making you bite your lip.

He lowered himself so he was on his knees, and sitting face to face with your exposed and gushing pussy. “Doll, use your words.”

“Yes, master. I-I’m ready.” You couldn’t help the honorific which fell in with the sentence, it almost sounded like a plea from the way you said it. When the last letter left your mouth, he dove for your slit- burying his face in and shaking his head for a good minute. The motion made you whine, but when he started licking and sucking on your folds was when he really made you moan. You grounded yourself by grabbing his cloud-colored locks and pulling a little, his scalp was the perfect anchor. He switched to fucking you with his tongue while playing with your clit, he wasn’t going too fast but it was fast enough that you were already worming around in his grip due to the pleasure you were feeling.

“I-I haven’t-” you stuttered. “Slept with an-anyone else.” This made Satoru groan into your cunt. You had shared this fact to try and defend why you were coming undone so quickly, more so for yourself although you knew that the small amount of time between when you had last slept with him had nothing to really do with it. He had this indescribable talent to fuck you so well even when he isn’t necessarily trying (he almost always is though).

He switched positions, two fingers started pumping in and out of your dripping hole at an even speed while his tongue played with your clit like a child playing with a light switch. You could barely take it anymore, you were on the ledge about to fall into a blissful chasm of pleasure.

“Master-! M-master I’m gonna,” You couldn’t get out the words before your orgasm raked throw your body making you almost quiver. Gojo groaned so deeply and sexily that it almost made you cum again.

He slowed his ministrations but didn’t stop until you had completely finished your high, “That's it pretty, that's it. Such a good little thing for me.” He pulled his digits from your weeping hole excruciatingly slow, making sure you felt it. Satoru placed a feather-light kiss on your clit, then stood back up and kissed you- forcing you to taste yourself on his tongue as he pushed it into your mouth.

“Pleaseeee!” You pleaded when he pulled away, it made Gojo grin.

“Please what? What do you want angel? Use your words.” He almost coo'd caressing the sides of your face with the tips of his fingers

“M-master please do me already,” You murmured at the man, lower lip quivering before you bit it. A chuckle escaped your partner as he shook his head, suddenly pulling your body to the edge of the countertop.

“Of course, doll,” he whispered into your ear seductively. “Anything for you.” Your chests were nearly touching with the new closeness Gojo had created by bringing you closer, you wrapped your legs around his waist to ensure he wouldn’t move away which made him chuckle.

Satoru wasted no time as he lined himself up with your already abused hole and slid in slowly but confidently. The stretch took your breath away, your mouth unintentionally gaping at the feeling. Shuttered moans from both you and Gojo filled the room, his once confident and smug expression was slightly twisted with pure pleasure. Scratching his back as you tried to grip his defined back muscle, you started leaving hickeys up the side of his neck which he gratefully accepted. He gyrated his hips against yours, the pace he set wall slow but he was hitting so deep inside of you it was making you see stars.

His length twitched inside of you, causing him to vocalize. “Ya’ remember when you said that y-ou hadn’t been with anyone else? Well, I-uh- I’m not that far behind. I co-ouldn’t really get into when I tried- I tried ‘cause it hurt to have you gone. Thought I could get over with fucking other people like normal- but I couldn’t- y/n you ruined everyone else for me, I can’t imagine if I didn’t get you back.”

Tears started leaking down your cheeks, “Satoru-UUU!!” You wished you could have been more sentimental but instead you had came again, this time some of your juices coated his length. He too was misty-eyed but had a cocky expression because of your orgasm, instead of letting you see the tears instead he kissed you tenderly. The man wrapped one long arm around you while the other hand was placed at the juncture between your ass and thigh keeping you in position as he sped up little by little. His cock still reached the same depth, but at a quicker and quicker speed until he was unraveled and you were so blissed out you were barely there.

“MASTER PLEASE!” You screamed, back arching. “I CAN’T-”

“Yes you ca-n, You can han-dle it doll. You can cum one more time for me. Gotta make sure you feel good,” It was less of a question and more of an order, an order which drew out a sob from your chest. You were going to orgasm again soon, he could feel it in the way your hole twitched. But you realized that it was going to be intense, more intense than the previous ones- you felt like you were going to pee almost.

“Master I-I’m gonna ma-ake a mess!!“ You squealed, barely holding onto the orgasm.

He too was so close to his precipice of pleasure, Satoru was uncaring of the location only wishing you pleasure so he said, “Then make a mess. Make a mess for me and I-I’ll make one for ya’ doll!” Before you knew it you were both shaking with pleasure and juices shot both out and into you, his warm cum filling your battered hole while your juices coated his lower torso and the surrounding area.

The two of your breathed heavy, but still pressed your sweaty foreheads together so content to be in each other's company. Before long he pulled his head back making you whine which made him gently shush you, “I’m not going anywhere, love. Don’t worry!” There was almost a laugh in his tone which made you smile as the noise often did.

“ ‘m sorry, I made a mess.” You frowned, making your now boyfriend tsk.

“No problem,” He assured. “I’ll clean it later… Want to take a shower with me?”

Despite having just had breathtaking sex, you blushed at the notion, “Sure, Satoru, I would like that.”

——————————————–

“So you,” Your friend Ale began slowly, eyes wide at you while you shifted, sitting haphazardly on part of her desk. “You and Mr.Gojo, are together now- like actually 100% committed?”

“Heck yeah, dude that's awesome! I knew at soon as he came to my place for your purse- dude looked so in love!” Emily chimed from where she stood.

“Oh, I think I know what you mean!” Ale said to Emy. “To be honest, I thought it was indigestion.” With that statement you all laughed, bellies hurting a little from how hard the three of you chuckled.

“Yeah, we’re dating- We had a long talk and he asked me to move in with him!” You explained.

“You didn’t accept it, though, right? It’s a little early-” Ale began.

“No, no I didn’t,” You shook your head at the absurdity. “I told him if we’re still going good in a month or two I’d contemplate it.

“That’s my friend!” Emily cheered, high-fiving you. “Make sure you don’t forget us, even after you and the sexy executive get married and busy with your lil’ family.”

“Oh you, stawppp. I could never forget you guys!” You said, sappiness overtaking you.

Ale stood, taking you into a side hug. “Good, if you do you're going to regret it!”

You never did forget your dear friends, not after you and Gojo got pets together or got married, even if you had children you would never left your friends behind because it was them leaving you behind that led to the best part of your life with Gojo Satoru

Tags list: @kuroosdarling

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tnyforest · 3 years ago

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| lil one has bad thoughts |

** impure regression / light intrusive thoughts

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ · · · · ♡

the caregiver and little one were laying on the couch watching some shows, the little one was in their caregivers lap while slowly loosing focus in the show and turning to their-

“bubba.” they spoke softly.

the caregiver turned to the little one, they hadn’t been regressed before the show started, something must’ve made them slip.

“hm?” that say back softly, stroking the others hair.

it took the other a minute before being able to speak, they looked as if it was almost hard to speak- not a very good sign to the caregiver.

“i’s.. i’s got the bad feelings again.” the little one than whispered, looking down to play with their fingers, as if they were lost in thoughts- exactly what they were.

that happened from time to time, the bad feelings were bad thoughts that the little one couldn’t always get rid of. making them think uncomfortable things, dangerous things, all of the above. it scared the caregiver time from time, not always understanding how to deal with the situation but when their heart broke a bit hearing their baby’s voice break like that- they did what they knew.

the little one was already in their lap facing away from them so they just brought their own hands out and laid them gently on the others, just soothing the tense skin- ready to soothe any clenched fingers or fists if needed.

the caregiver didn’t make a big deal, just softly rubbing down their little ones arms and humming quietly in their ear.

“do you wanna tell bubba what the thoughts are saying?” the wonder quietlyc, sometimes it wa stood for the little one to talk about the thoughts but other times, distractions were enough.

“nuh-uh.” they shook their head miserably, not liking the mean thoughts- it broke the caregivers heart.

“okay, that’s okay. would you like bubba to keep talking or to just keep doing what we’re doing now?” the caregiver asks softly, once more. still gently rubbing the skin of their arms, settling their worried body,

the little one mumbled back, “ ‘alk?”

the caregiver hummed and took a moment to think of some things to say-

“hm, you did such a good job with helping me clean up earlier, bub. and those pictures you colored afterwards were so nice, don’t you think so?” they say gently, the other did do such a good job helping them- cleaning up even if they were a bit clumsy and unorganized.

the little one just hummed, deciding to lean their heavy feeling head down back onto their caregivers shoulder, eyes still open and focused on the tv but not really focused. just set on something.

“which one was your favorite to color, sweetheart?” the caregiver asked softly, thinking that maybe asking the little one some questions would keep their mind off of the bad thoughts they were having.

“.. ‘doggie.” their baby mumbled, making the caregivers heart swell.

“the doggie? yeah, I like that one too. I can’t tell from here, did you use your crayons or colored pencils?” more meaningless but helpful questions.

“ crayons, ‘ubba.” the little one said almost sleepily.

“ah, the crayons are your favorite, aren’t they?” the caregiver smiled.

the other didn’t respond, just signed a heartbreaking breath.

this is how it would go, the caregiver would do their best to distract their baby from the mean thoughts and even if it helped- it didn’t mean the whole ordeal still didn’t tire the little one out and make them emotionally exhausted.

“ ‘don like these feelings, bubba.” the mutter, snuggling closer to their bubba.

“I know, petal. I wish I could make them go away.”

the thoughts would eventually go away, so would the sad sighs and tense skin but for now- the two were okay with the circumstances. they would ride out the annoying thoughts and eat some yummy snacks once they were calmed down.

the little one knew they were safe with their bubba, at least.

do not take / use without credit!!

reblogs are different <3

#sfw little blog #sfw caregiver #sfw agere #sfw cglre #sfw regression #agere post #noncom agere #age regression #sfw blog #agere coping #cglre caregiver #cglre activities #cglre community #agere textpost #agere tips

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junova · 4 years ago

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𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞.

notes: howdy guys, it's been a while. i've been taking a break and finally starting writing again, yay. it's been a rough few months and still treading through it, but i hope you enjoy a piece of my heart with this one.

if it's any consolation, my heart broke while writing this. </3

pairing — boxer!steve rogers x fem!reader

concept — steve has to come with terms of you not wanting him just as much as he wants you.

wc — 6.7k+ [yeah...]

warnings: 18+, themes alluding to sex, emotional cheating, soft!steve, heartbreak, kind of unrequited vibe going on, over all ✨ angst ✨

Even if it was the thousandth time to watch his body move in the ring, you still were memorized by the way he moved. You were in complete admiration of how his hips flowed so fluidly through his punches. Just like always, he was aware of your presence as you stood next to Sam and Wanda, both of them with proud smiles on their faces as he defeated yet another opponent.

Watching as they raised his arm, declaring him as the champion, something he’d been striving so intensely for, the past few months. Even if his body was bruised and littered with the hits Rumlow had been able to mark his body with and not to mention the busted lip, making him taste the blood with nearly every swallow.

It didn’t matter because he had followed through with what he had set his mind out to do. The looks Rumlow was giving him after all the smack talk he had served him was satisfying enough. Even if he didn’t think you did, he saw you standing there alongside his friends, celebrating the win of his life.

He couldn’t but smile proudly at your presence, even if the disapproval you have against his lifestyle was well known between the two of you and everyone else in your friend group.

Steve knew you weren’t a fan of the injuries you brought home in your shared apartment, the nights you actually stayed there. With Jordan’s absence from New York, you’d been staying there more consistently than ever.

He would never admit it out right, but it made his heart full. With you home, he could protect and he worried wherever you weren’t there. Even if he knew you were fully capable of defending yourself if need be, it would always make him feel better when you were close to him.

Just like him, you could confess it even to yourself, but when you were back in the apartment you shared with Steve, you’d always felt safer.

He went straight to the locker room, to clean himself up as best as he could without making his friends and Tony wait too long. He’d usually go straight to them but the group took notice he held himself back when you were around.

The first match you went to and he came up with bruises running along both rib cages, a bloody nose accompanied by a busted lip, he immediately took notice of the way you cowered away from him. Barely even looking at him as you congratulated him. From then on out, he realized how much it bothered you to see him physically injured.

When you’d come, he’d always make sure to clean himself up before. It really worked out on the days he didn’t want to be around many people. Only the stragglers from the crowd would be left, and his friends who supported him nearly every time.

As soon as he made his way over to the group, he was met with Sam’s warm smile pulling him into a warm hug. You found yourself wincing as soon as Steve did. “Easy there big buy, bruises are still fresh.” Sam let up just a tad, before everyone was congratulating him. You stood back with Tony, watching the proud smile grow on his face as he watched his prodigy surpass his monumental goal.

“You should think about coming to more matches. He fights better when you’re here watching him.” You twisted your neck so you could see his coach more clearly who was standing right beside you. “I’m sure he plays just as well when I’m not here. I still watch them everytime, just from home when it’s too much for me to stomach.”

You looked forward away from Tony, Steve coming into your line of vision as Sharon, his ex who had surprisingly shown up to corral by his side, someone you’d hadn’t seen near him in the past few weeks since she’d been out of the country for work.

“His technique and endurance is the same, but his intensity always rises higher when you’re here. I’m not the only one who notices, maybe the only one bold enough to say it to you.” Tony spoke as watched the man he took in when Steve was just sixteen.

Truly, it made his heart swell with pride to see him reach the level of success he had been dreaming for him since the pair had met. Knowing Steve for the past five years, also made him hyper aware of the girl he never seemed to shut up about, not that you’d ever find out.

No matter how much Tony was dying to let the words slip off his tongue.

“I’m just happy to be here for him.” Keeping your words short as you watched Sharon move closer to him, her hand resting on his chest and he didn’t even move away from it. You tried to ignore the ugly shade of green rising in your chest, but with him it always seemed to show.

Not that you’d had a right to, you weren’t single or emotionally available by any means, but the thought of him being with someone who had hurt him so much made you more protective of him than you had a right to be.

“C’mon little dove, have you thought about why you’d rather stay in the dinged up apartment with Steve than be with your boyfriend of three years across the country?” He pressed harder, making sure you were careful of your response. “My friends are here and so is my family. I can’t just leave everyone I love behind.” Your gaze never left Steve’s as he finally was out of Sharon’s grip.

“Steve’s here, too. You sure it has nothing to do with him?” Part of you couldn’t stand there with Tony and lie to him because you weren’t sure what was the nature of your relationship with the boxer.

Thankfully, you were saved from responding by the devil himself as made his way over to the two of you. Much to your dismay, he had to get in a few more words before Steve was in earshot. “Just think about why Steve lives with you when he’s had more than enough to move out for a while now.”

Before you could even process the words leaving his mouth, your favorite man in the ring immediately has you wrapped up in his arms. Holding you so close and so tightly, not even caring if it put more pressure on his lungs than he wished.

“Congrats on the win, Champion. I’m so proud of you.” The arms you had around him were placed gently, too afraid to put any weight on the new bruises. Not to mention the old ones which were still healing.

Once he pulled away from you, just enough so you could look at him. He hummed at Tony and with one nod of his head he knew when the young boxer wanted to be left alone. More times than not, it is usually with you.

“I thought you weren’t coming tonight. Isn’t Jordan in town?” Not even when it was the biggest moment of his career thus far did he care to indulge in his victories. Always it seemed to be looking after you.

“Stevie, this is your night. We don’t have to talk about me — we’re always talking about me.” For a moment he almost bought your act until he looked into those dazzling eyes of yours, ones he never seemed to grow tired of in the past few years.

“I’m not happy unless you’re happy. So, if you need a night where we just watch romcoms and chow on cookie dough ice cream, you know I’m all yours.” Unknowing to the two of you, everyone of your friends was watching the encounter and still couldn’t believe you still were with your current boyfriend.

Or that Steve was just waiting for you patiently. Something that didn’t come easy for him around women. Before you, he didn’t really do relationships with women that didn’t end with him in their bed at some point. Somehow, much to everyone’s dismay, he managed to keep his interactions platonic with you.

At least in their eyes.

“No, Stevie. I’m fine. He just didn’t follow through this time. It’s not the end of the world, I’ll be fine. Tonight, I just wanna be by your side and celebrate you.” Although, he didn’t really believe you Steve decided he would let it go.

“Regardless of it, thank you for coming tonight. Means the world to me.” It really did. Even more so, when he felt like he was one of the reasons you were still in Brooklyn and not in California living with your boyfriend instead.

“Oh, hush bubba. You’re getting so soft on me and you haven’t even had a proper drink in you yet. Let’s just celebrate with our friends, yeah?” You kissed his cheek sweetly, before you were off to Bucky and Nat’s place to get properly fed and surely get Steve drunk off his ass.

It really was the elephant in the room you were choosing to ignore. The fluttering feeling of adventurous butterflies traveling to spaces you didn’t know existed. Everytime he pulled you close to his side or kissed your temple.

When Bucky would do something monumentally stupid, he would whisper a line in your ear humorous enough to hear you laugh. Even right now, when you knew he was exhausted, muscles sore and aching — Steve was still tending to whatever you needed.

In this moment, your body nestled between his legs as he draped his arm across your chest, letting him hold you close was exactly what you needed. Even if you tried to remove yourself several times because of the new injuries, he would never let you.

“What’s next, Rogers?” Steve watched as he craned his neck towards Sharon. You’d almost forgotten she was here, she’d been so quiet most of the night.

“A whole lot of rest and then in a few weeks, right back into training.” He spoke with pride because winning the title went hand and hand with defending it. “You should come to the club. Danielle’s been itching to see you, again.”

Steve grimaced, not just as Sharon’s words, but with how stiff your body became. The way you rubbed back and forth with the tip of your fingers against his forearm came to a halt.

You weren’t really sure what to do because now you felt horrible for even feeling like you had a right to be upset in the first place. Because you didn’t. You weren’t single and Steve was. In this space in time, he did nothing wrong.

When you followed Nat back into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine, away from him, it felt like he had made a mistake.

Just watching as you followed Nat up the pathway, in your pretty green dress, as you messed with the necklace adoring your neck. Something he learned you did when you were anxious.

“Why would you bring that up now? In front of her?” He was slightly pissed off she had driven you away and out of his arms. Steve would have you within his grip constantly if you would let him. Not that you did, but it was still a certain something he found himself wishing for. More than not though, someone else always seemed to hold your attention whenever he wasn’t in the ring.

Jordan. Tony. Sam. Natasha. Bucky. Wanda.

Tonight had seemed it might go in a different direction, until Sharon steered your mind elsewhere. One where you were a girl who missed her boyfriend. Or at least that’s what he thought.

Unknowingly to Steve, Jordan was the last thing on your mind, which allowed the guilt to settle in. Maybe, just this one time it was rightfully placed. The thoughts you were having scared you senseless — making you want to do something you knew you shouldn’t.

You just sat there on the padded bar tool as Nat grabbed a bottle of white with a bottle of red. Like time and time again, Nat read your mind just as she often did. “So, why couldn’t he come this time?” She drilled into you, her iridescent daggers as piercing as ever.

“He said he forgot his mother asked him to help her move out of the house. He said he’d make it up to me some other time.” Just like always.

But you held your tongue before voicing it to anyone other than yourself. It’d been months since you’d seen him in the flesh, and it was the first time he spoke to you in days when he informed you he’d been unable to spend any of his time off with you.

“He’s just never here and he keeps asking for me to move to Los Angeles, but my whole life is here. Before, he never seemed to really pressure me. He was always patient with me to travel at my own pace but I think he ultimately thought I would eventually go there with him.” You breathed out, scared of the truth dripping right out of you.

“I just-, you know what? Nevermind. It’s isn’t important.” She was never one to bite her tongue, but she found herself trying to when your feelings were involved.

“Tell me. What is it?” Your curious, bambi eyes peering into your soul, dying to pull the confession right out of her.

“Do you even miss him when you’re apart for so long? I’m not judging but it just seems like you’re okay. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but why don’t you ever go to him or Jordan to you?” Natasha spoke softly, afraid she might be poking the bear just a bit.

“Of course I miss him. I would see him if I could. I’m just a little too busy right now with work and my family.” You attacked back, feeling the need to defend yourself.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” With both bottles of wine on the counter, she went to grab three more wine glasses — for Sharon, herself, and you.

“Say what? What the hell are you talking about?” You pushed her as she put out the bottles of wine as she managed to link the three vines of the glasses in her left fingertips. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She was regretting it now, because maybe you weren’t quite ready to hear the words everyone else knew to be true. Anyone who was around the two of you could see it.

Perhaps, Nat never spoke a word of it because at the very least, she thought you wouldn’t be as naive to see his feelings. The ones he seemed to offer you on a silver platter, whether you wanted to reject or accept the offering, giving it to you wholeheartedly.

Following her out the patio door where the two of you stopped, not moving a step further. She didn’t really say anything either. Letting you bask in the glow before the fall.

He was laughing so hard, his hand clutching his chest as him. Golden hair shining bright by the fire pit, almost as

lively as his smile. Even if it looked like his spirit could have been beaten out of him tonight, he’d never show it.

When he had trouble keeping his eyes open, he’d force himself to stay alert because moments he could spend with ones he loved seemed too precious to pass up. Especially over the past few months — he didn’t even have to think twice about it.

Through the schedule Tony had him on, his life was eating, breathing, living boxing. Training every day in the gym, whether it be furthering his techniques in the gym to Tony making him regret any mistake he made in the ring.

Even some days he was just weight training when Tony told him he could rest. He couldn’t though. Not when he could taste the sweetness of his dreams on the tip of his tongues.

Every day, dawn till dusk, training consumed every moment of his time. Steve thought his body was restless before, but now? Nothing came even close to this.

Leading Steve to be blissfully unaware of what was actually going in that fantastically bold head of yours.

“Just spill it, Romanov.” You pressured her, but your eyes were too weak to redirect your directions elsewhere. Only Steve holding your attention at one.

“Remember when Steve left for Spain for three months with Tony?” Your body stilled, having a feeling you knew where this was going. Regretting you told her what had happened with Steve in the first after promising him it would just stay between the two of you.

“It was the year Jordan and I had split for two months.” The memory of what happened always clouding your better judgement. The way his eyes shined still haunted you. “Steve had already been there a month when it happened and the second I told him he insisted on flying me out.”

Looking at him fondly, across the greenery before speaking so softly as if he was right next to you, “I could never say no to him. I still can’t.” Nat tried to ignore it but she could see through the fog of your first love fading even if you were trying your hardest to avoid the inevitable heartache.

The care you held for him was oozing out of you, bursting and breaking at the seams. When you kept thinking of him more than a roommate, more than a friend.

“Dove, you can’t just keep pretending your feelings don’t exist. The more you try to bury the root deep the more it will grow.” You knew she was right, but you really didn’t want to hurt anyone.

You supposed you were already causing pain unintentionally. “His biggest insecurity is him. Jordan thinks I’m still here because of him.” You confessed, the ongoing fight no secret to anyone, really.

“Aren’t you?” Maybe if you had been a better liar, you could’ve convinced her but everyone could read you like the back of your own hand.

You hated the spotlight she was putting on you, but even more so because she was right. Moving forward with Jordan meant leaving someone else behind, something you couldn’t seem to prepare yourself to do.

“I love Jordan. He’s my first love and I thought he would be the greatest one, too.” You really want to stop the love and admiration flowing out of you, but you couldn’t choose who you love and maybe it was time for you to stop fighting it.

“Then, I met Steve. He responded to the ad I put out for the spare room in my apartment and we met for coffee.” If you had listened to your mother, her wishes of you not to be in the company of a man who was a complete stranger, you’d never meet the most important person in your life.

“He looked more like a boy back then. Clean shaven. No beard. Steve was still muscular, but not nearly as toned as he is now. But his eyes? They pulled me right in. Still do, every damn time.” You should have held some sort of shame, but you didn’t.

“You should do something about it, Dove. He isn’t going to be single forever.” Nat questioned as you followed her lead, back to the roaring fire.

“Nat, I love Jordan. I could never do that to him.” You really couldn’t, but you also couldn’t find it in you to move with him either. “I know you love him, but you aren’t in love anymore.” Growing closer and closer, back to the group, you saw him clearly.

“What do you mean?” Trying to ignore the pain in your chest as Natasha spoke. “I think you’re scared of ending it with Jordan. Dove. I’ve known you for a long time now and I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you do with Steve.”

The words spilling out of her lips left you a little broken — the truth spearing you through. She wasn’t wrong, not one bit. Nat never nearly was, especially when your feelings were involved. Steve had become such an enigma to you in the past year.

The line of platonic friendship and overflowing emotional intimacy was becoming too entangled for you to even comprehend.

“Just think about it. I just want you to be happy.” The rest of the night, it’s all you could think about. A few days passed and it was still in the forefront of your mind.

When Steve was walking home with you this week, you couldn’t stop wondering all the hypotheticals swarming inside your dreams.

He could tell, too.

You’d never been so quiet, not ever. He’d like to hear you, especially when you were drunk. Like you seemed to be now, at least to him but tequila that lit a fire in your chest a few hours ago was beginning to wear off. Just when the feelings you kept trying to avoid would seep there way back in like your furry, fat cat Thor when he wormed his body through the gate into the apartment.

“What’s wrong? You’ve seemed off this week.” You felt his hand kiss yours, but he didn’t bother to find it’s home. He’d been keeping his distance or at least been trying to. You'd been so vulnerable lately and the last thing he wanted to do was exploit that.

Ever since Sharon had made a comment about Danielle, and you escaped with Nat, something changed. You more guarded around him, more than you'd ever been since you met.

Steve knew there was a reason for it, but he didn't want to push you — not when it looked like you would combust into a breakdown at any given moment.

“I’ve just been thinking about where my life is going and where I want it to go.” You confessed, letting your words linger. “Jordan wants me to move with him to California and I’m running out of reasons to say no.” In perfect harmony, your eyes met his at the same time.

They weren’t joyful what his bright blues usually possess, but this time they were indifferent. Not even you could read them.

“Do you want to move there with him?” Steve asked you, his heart on the verge of dropping into his stomach. “If it will make you happy, you should.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, you watched him drift away from you.

“I don’t know. It might.” Both of you coming to a halt, walking up to the apartment the two of you shared.

“He’s insecure about you. It’s why he’s pressuring me.” The two of your bodies so close but so far away as you stood in the doorway. With a confusing gaze and pouty lips, practically guiding you into temptation.

“He used to always tell me you were in love with me. He was fully convinced, still is. I never thought so. You were just my best friend, that was it. I just never really thought about it unless Jordan brought it up.” You would have loved to blame your sudden outburst on the alcohol, but it was something you'd been dying to do.

Before you never had the guts, but you a felt a pull towards Steve lately, like maybe there was something more trying to burst under the seams.

“I thought Tony was bullshitting me, fucking with me, but I didn’t ever give it a thought. Then, Nat brought up Spain.” Nights you told yourself were a mistake, but deep down it was the probably the safest you felt in a long time.

“What are you talking about? What did Tony say?” Fetching for the key, he slid it in before opening the door for you and following you inside. “Steve, why do you still live here?” Blushing cheeks and a string of incoherent words was all you could make out from him.

As he headed for the small couch, trying to make up an excuse good enough. One which you’d actually believe, he hoped.

“You make four times as much as me, if not more. For some reason, you’ve decided to stay in this shithole apartment — it doesn’t make sense.” He wished you would make sense of it, that way he didn’t have to say a word.

“Do you want me to move out?” He questioned, watching your movements. If you wanted him to move out, he wouldn’t hesitate to do so.

It was the last thing you wanted, but the line between your friendship with him was always blurred. Only now, when it was vaguely pointed out by the two people close to the both of you — it became more apparent than ever.

“No, I just, I guess I’m asking why. You know you’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you’d like, but this place is a dump, Steve. Why on earth would you wanna stay here?” When he looked up, where you stood above him having a hard time biting his tongue.

Because you’re here.

It’s what he wanted to say, but he didn’t have the right and he would just be an asshole if he put you in a compromising position. He already felt guilty enough with his feelings in the first place, he didn't need to pile on.

“I guess it’s just easier to stay. It’s so close to the ring and I’m maybe a tad too comfortable.” You sat next to him on the couch. Finding yourself trapped in the green of his eyes. “Don’t you want something better?” Maybe it was him or maybe it was you. Neither of you could tell.

The two of you inched closer until Steve was caressing your thigh, just with the tip of his thumb. “I’m more than happy with where I’m at.”

“Well, I’m asking because I need to go to California. Just for a bit. I need to see Jordan, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen him.” He didn’t stop touching, not even with the mention of his name.

Even if it pierced him every time you talked about him. Or when Jordan came to town, he felt like he didn’t exist to you.

He didn’t blame you, not at all. Jordan was your highschool sweetheart, and you wanted so badly for it to work but something was holding you back. Something you were trying to let go of.

“He loves me so much and wants to start building this whole new life, but how am I supposed to tell him?” Steve said nothing, letting you sink into the ground.

“He’s been nothing, but kind and loving. Always there, always supportive. The best partner I could have asked for.” Steve laced your hand in his like it was the most natural thing in the world, making butterflies erupt at full speed.

You couldn’t really pinpoint a moment when he started, but all you knew is how safe his warm, calloused hands made you feel. Since the moment you met, never failing to comfort you when needed.

“Then what’s the problem, Dove?” Steve questioned you, untangling his body from yours.

If he was going to help you, he needed to think and being so close to you wouldn’t get himself where you needed. Above all, you didn’t make any easier when a small whine left your throat — tugging at his heart strings.

“We never talk about what happened in Barcelona.” You watched his body tighten, muscles in his arm constricting.

It made him feel just as uneasy as it did to you. At least you could find comfort in that.

“Dove, there’s a reason for it. You and I both know it.” Steve was right. His self righteous sense of nature always kicked in when you wanted it the least.

“You don’t think about it? Because I do.” Pushing weight on his heart, you were very aware you held. You weren’t too naive to know just how much he cared for you, but coward enough to try and make him admit it first.

“You were broken up, things are different now. We’re home where you have a boyfriend and I have boxing.”

“Yes, where I have a boyfriend who wants me to abandon everything I hold close to me to join him without even bothering to ask me what I want.” You puffed out, exhaustion coming in overflow. “The past year, he hasn’t once asked me what I want.”

The boy with golden locks found himself wanting nothing more than to hold you in his arms, nurse you back to health with all the love he could offer.

But even he knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep on spreading himself thin over a woman who was so conflicted, so distraught she was collapsing within herself. If he wasn’t too careful, he might fall right beside you.

“Before we got back together, he asked me.” You confessed, feeling better as soon as the secret flew from your mouth. “He asked you what?” Steve pressed on, a bit terrified of it truly, but even he had to know.

“He asked if anything happened between us the months I was there and I lied. Ever since we met, he’s been insecure. He thinks I’m going to leave you for him and it wasn’t the first time he asked either.” You wish you hadn’t dealt with the two of them so poorly, but with the expression on Steve’s face you knew you had.

“He knows I lied and it hurts even more he stayed with me anyways.” Steve didn’t move, his fear keeping him still.

“I don’t know how to be his after you, but I don’t know how to let go of my high school sweetheart either.” You felt trapped, in between an impossible decision. An old love, who loves you past your mistakes, past the hurt and a soulful heart admiring you from where you’re at and nothing less.

“Those nights don’t have to mean anything if you don’t want them to.” He spoke softly, his beautiful orbs catching yours in the moonlight peeking through the window.

“They mean too much to me, that’s the problem.” If he didn’t move as you inched closer to his body, planting yourself in front of him, you could tell he was straining himself.

“Do you remember the first time?” He looked confused, wondering if you truly were bold enough to speak of something you shouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. Your hand found his chest, feeling the pulse of his rapid heart beat. “I was so shy and timid the first time with you, but you guided me so well.” Too fond of the memory of him worshipping every part of your body.

The very thing he wanted to do since the moment he met you, but Steve wanted more than that. Now more than ever.

“You don’t have to remind me, Dove. I remember.” He swallowed deeply, trying to erase the permanent memory of your body writhing beneath him, moaning out his name, begging him for more.

He still found himself thinking about it. Those two months with you had just amplified what he felt even more because now he knew what it was like for you to wake up in his arms, bare skin against his own.

The way you curled into his chest, your arms wrapped around his waist for optimal comfort.

Or when he’d wake up before you, which was most days, he’d find you murmuring his name in your sleep while soft fingertips caressed your skin lulling you into a more peaceful slumber.

“I never forget, Dove. That’s the problem.” With one finger, he pushed back the hair falling in your face tucking it behind your ear. “I tried to move past it, I went on a couple dates with this woman, Danielle.” You already felt your heart clench at the thought of him with someone else.

“She’s kind, smart, and beautiful and she seems to like me. Sharon keeps bugging me to take her out again since she set the two of us up.” Steve was trying to talk calmly, but he couldn’t ground himself. Especially when you only seemed to pull back further from him.

It was weird that Sharon set the pair up, considering she dated Steve not too long ago but it seemed she could put her feelings inside if it was for your despair.

In her daunting eyes, you were the reason her and the promising boxer broke up in the first place. As cliche as it was, she offered Steve an ultimatum after six months of dating — her or you.

Steve picked you.

It wasn’t like he loved her at that point. He did care for her, but you just meant too much to him. When kind, iridescent eyes met his own for the first time Steve never was able to stop thinking about them. Or you for that matter.

Carefully calculated as Steve could be, he managed to trap you between the closed door of his bedroom and his toned body.

“But I want to hear you say something before I do.” His gaze never faltered for a moment as he played with the hem of the short slip dress adoring your taut figure.

Half of your mind was begging you to retreat into your room and forget the last time you’d been pressed up against him like this. The other half wanted to see what he would do once he knew you were in the palm of his hand once again.

You had a feeling he already did.

His beard was grown out and his silky, golden hair that almost reached his shoulders make him look even more deliciously sinful.

“What’s that?” You tried not to gulp loudly, but if you even made the slightest movement, he would notice. “Tell me you’re in love with him.” His soft thumb caressing your side, not sure if he was trying to soothe himself or you.

“Just tell me five years down the line, you see him right there with you. Just say it, so I can move on.” He couldn’t even look at you, he couldn’t take the inevitable. “Tell me we’re just friends and Jordan’s your future.” You met his eyes, the prettiest blues you’ll ever see.

Commanding your attention without even trying — every damn time. You weren’t sure what you wanted, but you knew seeing him hurt was chipping a piece of you away. Watching his arched eyebrows furrowed in distress, fine lines being made in the middle for proof.

Soft fingertips met his skin, smoothing out his furrowed brows, closing his eyes trying to remember what you smelled like. Just like Sharon reached her breaking point, he had too. Steve couldn’t watch you any longer without being the one you wanted without a doubt.

“Stevie.” You softly whisper, before pulling him into your arms.

Even if he was double your size, he let you hold him as best as you could. Comfort him even if you were the reason he’s breaking.

The strong, persistent boxer had been transported back to the sick and thin kid he once was before all the guns and glory came. Steve was right back to where he got rejected by anyone and everyone. A time and many places where no one gave a damn about Steve Rogers, not anyone he wished for.

You watched him untangle himself from you, but you weren’t sure just how much time had passed. A few minutes? Thirty? An hour?

Only time could tell and she wasn’t really on your side at the moment.

“I’ve only found love once. Back in high school, there was this girl, Hazel. She was kind, sweet, eyes that shined like fresh honey. The first person to ever show any interest in me and I was in love with the fact that someone actually wanted me.” Steve felt his heart clench at the memory he wished to forget.

“I truly believed I loved her with every fiber in me and I thought she cared about me too, until I realized she was just using me to get to Bucky.” You watched the distress wash over him again and you wanted nothing more than to make him feel appreciated and loved. Not rejected and forgotten.

“It broke my heart for months because I truly believed I was in love with this girl who I hardly knew.” He sighed deeply, like he somehow already was aware of the soft whisper of goodbye.

“It always kind of stayed with me, not ever feeling like I was good enough for anyone until Tony found me. Graduated high school and I started training dawn till dusk until I couldn’t anymore just to start all over and do it the next day.” He was looking everywhere but you. Even if there was not a thing in this damn hallway, but two pressured hearts.

“Not too long after, I met you and I remember thinking this is the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever met in my life.” Now, feeling like an absolute dick because you truly didn't deserve for this wonderful man to be in your life.

“You were so kind to me and you had no reason to be, but I learned it’s just who you are. This amazingly bright full beam, shining their light on everyone else — not paying attention to how much they give even if it’s everything they have.” Your skin felt hot beyond comparison, the passion in the words he spoke deeper than the memory of his skin against your own.

“I always tried to ignore it, how stupidly kind and thoughtful you are. How much you take care of me when you don’t have to. You cleaned my wounds for months without even asking me what I was doing.”

“I already knew you had a boyfriend, one you love very much, but I couldn’t stop myself from being around you. Now, I have to leave. I need to move on for me because I know how this ends for me — how it always has.” He sighed before walking away, leaving you hanging in every conceivable way. You didn’t notice the suitcase by the door before. Until he was walking out of the apartment with his possessions in hand — out of sight and out of mind.

“Wait!” He was already making it to his car, the old beat up pickup truck he couldn’t seem to get rid of when you reached him. “I just need time, Steve.” You’d been sprinting after him, until you caught up to him, making his attention fully focused on you.

“Jordan’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had — I don’t know how to let him go.” You were crying because maybe, deep down you were hoping you could have your cake and eat it too.

“And you’re the only person I’ve ever been in love with, Dove. I can’t keep sticking around hoping you’ll wake up one day and feel the same.” He emptied his belongings in his truck before returning his attention towards you.

“Steve, don’t do this. Please. Don’t leave me.” You’d become so dependent on him, more than you realized. “You’re the only person who truly loves me and not for who they want me to be.” Trying to plead with him, but it felt like you were only pushing him even further away.

“Then tell me I’m the only one you want.” But all he was left with silence because you couldn’t and he already knew what you didn’t. He knew you hated change more than anything, that you’d rather stay in what was comfortable even if you were presented with a different option.

Someone you wanted more.

With tears in your eyes, you looked up at him like he was crushing you and there was nothing to stop the numbing feeling. He sympathized, maybe more than he liked to admit, it’s what he chose to live with over the past year. It started the moment he met you if he was truly being honest.

He knew there was nothing left for him, no matter how much his heart clenched at the sound of your cries. He couldn’t be the one who was always taking care of you, loving you, when you didn’t feel what he felt. It was splitting him open, and you just kept taking pieces of him away — parts of him you would hold forever.

He let you cling onto him one more time, begging for him not to leave you. He let you believe he wouldn’t as he calmed you back in a false sense of security. Until you were asleep in his soft sheets later that night, leaving you lonely in the home you’d been sharing.

With only half of his belongings with him, he pulled up to the project he had just completed. Even now, with not a single hope you would ever see it after he just abandoned you, there was still a light hope you’d be able to at least see it one day. If Steve was ever strong enough to face his heartbreak again.

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vermilion-sky · 2 years ago

Text

The Red Queen pt.1

Art: Paul de La Boulaye

-Recap on “ A Little Birdie Told me pt.3:

I wailed in utter agony as I laid there, Kiko was my first best friend, first love, and first heartbreak. I couldn't bring myself to move at all, wishing that this rusted old factory would crumble down on us so I wouldn’t have to continue forward without her. However, the glittering shards of my quirk seemed to be extending into Kikio’s body without any direction on my part. I could only watch in shock as her whole body was slowly engulfed and converted into crystal formation. I found myself unable to pull away from the horror in front of me, the sight of my best friend becoming nothing but a human shaped gem cluster. For the last time that night I screamed in absolute terror as my mind attempted to comprehend the morbid implications of my quirk.

to be continued... .

Here we were again… same cold metal seats in this same old van with the same old two men minus one of us now. I was shoved back into the van that embarked me on this terrible journey once more, my heavy hand hanging loosely due to the added weight of the crystal clusters that were the remnants of Kikio’s hand that grasped mine in her final hours. They had to break her crystalized hand in order to cut me loose, still having processed what had just happened I no longer had it in me to make sense of what became my life.

Suddenly the van came to a halt, the two men escorted my empty shell of a body out, leaving me blind folded until we were back inside base. My eyes greeted the floor not even bothering to examine my surroundings, ‘do what you want, I have nothing to fight for now’, little did I realize I would regret such thoughts. I obediently walked behind the men who escorted me through the old halls Kikio and I used to patrol together, this place was looming with painful memories now. As we were about to reach our old bedroom the two men continued walking, I was confused not knowing where they could possibly be taking me but too emotionally exhausted to even ask.

“You will be shown to your new chambers, from there you will have two maids to help you get cleaned up for the counsel”, One of the men explained sternly expecting me to protest, having dealt with my combative ass before… but no, not this time, I just simply quietly followed.

“Did you hear me?” he snapped once more only for me to be unresponsive to his snarl.

In that moment even he seemed a little caught off guard.

Just as he narrated before, I was greeted to my new bedroom that was a lot more extravagant than anything I was ever used to. The bed was draped in red silk sheets along with gold trimming, which was the consistent theme in this room. I have never touched such fine fabric before in my life. As much as a part of me wanted to throw my worn out body onto that ridiculous bedding another part of me couldn’t help but feel undeserving of it.

Two beautiful women in gold drapes immediately proceeded to undress me with the two guards still present, ‘yeah take a good look at this fine ass because you'll soon be kissing it’, I thought provokingly despite the men’s gaze keeping straight ahead blankly.

“Make sure she looks presentable to the counsel, your lives depend on it”, one of the men ordered as they both exited the room.

“Don’t listen to that guy, they are both full of shit”, I muttered to the women as they quickly undressed me and set a bath full of roses and other herbal bath salts whose aroma brought new sensations to my nose.

The women slowly submerged my fragile body into the elixir that was this bath, every cell in my body let go as I sank to the bottom of the tub only having the peak of my face rest at the surface for air. My red hair swayed beneath the water gently grazing my neck and shoulders as if to comfort me, and in that moment I began to cry my final tears for my beloved friend Kikio as I clutched the crystal cluster still fused to my hand over my chest. I took whatever little feeling of comfort I could get in that moment, who knew what would become of me next.

Sunk down to hide the fact that I was crying, I closed my eyes to be greeted with silence beneath the water, it felt almost… peaceful? ‘Is this what that's meant to feel like?’ I could stay like this forever wondering why my quirk could have been something simple like breathing underwater? I would swim down to the deepest parts of the ocean and just stay there, becoming one with whatever creatures I met roamed there. I can’t help but wonder if my life would have been easier? Would the Bloodhounds leave me alone due to my quirk being of no use to them? My thoughts were suddenly interrupted as I began to lose air, My eyes shot open to see the two women standing over in concern above the water.

I sat right up gasping for air when the two women got straight to scrubbing me down for the remainder of the bath. I wasn’t used to this kind of treatment but I didn’t argue knowing that if they didn’t comply with their previous demands, who knows what would be done to them, I didn’t want to be responsible for someone else’s death. They quickly dried me down preparing me for my ceremonial sacrifice ‘or at least that's how it felt like’. I stood before the full body mirror seeing my nude reflection covered in shimmering scabs of all the places Kikio’s attacks landed on me. The women stood there in awe seeing the light reflect off of my glimmering scabs and dance around the room. I caught myself almost flustered and embarrassed by their reaction as I became more self aware. They quickly snapped out of it and went back to their duties draping me with a white robe that was fitting for a cult, ‘what is this, initiation?’ turns out I wasn’t far off.

Once I was deemed presentable the two same men came back to my chambers to escort me out and into the corridor that seemed to get darker with every step. We then stood before two grand doors that opened exaggeratingly for a grand entrance of what seemed to be a meeting hall for politicians. I was blinded by the red empty room that only housed a singular tall U shaped table that seated ten figures, one figure representing one rank, also draped in red cloaks with hoods that had pointed ears like wolves wearing blank red masks ‘they are really taking this whole Bloodhound name seriously’.

The hooded figures towered over, examining my presence. I looked them straight in the eye in defiance, these people are the ones responsible for everything that happened to me the moment they stripped me away from my family, my friends back in cell one, Raj, and now Kikio. I have no respect or fear left in me for these people.

“Unrobe her,” demanded one of them immediately. My heart cringed at such a disgusting demand.

The two men who escorted me here began to loosen my robes and drape them off me to reveal my glimmering body once more. I stood there naked and completely vulnerable. It wasn't just my clothes they stripped me of but what little pride I had left in me.

“She seems healthy enough,” one commented, breaking the awkward silence in the room.

“Yes she will make a great subject to procreation, her quirk along with others will create a powerful army”, suggested another.

‘P-procreate?! They are going to breed me like a fucking dog?!’I tried so hard to control myself when I wanted nothing more than to grab my robes and run away but where would I go? I can feel my adrenaline kicking in as I feel my heart palpitate throughout my body canceling out whatever disgusting, vile exchange of words that came out of the counsel’s mouth as they discuss my fate. Just as I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, the whole room went dark as my body collapsed to the floor and there it was again, that familiar sound… silence.

To be continued…

edited by: @saiyanstars

written by: ♠️

#renaissance #Renaissance aesthetic #anime fanfic #Hawks fanfic #my hero academy fanfiction #fanfiction #romance #coming of age #fiction #Errotica #hawks x reader #fantasy #female protagonist #writing #keigo takami #keigo x you

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proud-mom85 · 4 years ago

Text

Moments from the Misha, Darius Zoom:

Darius: I WILL SAY THE FIRST THING ONE WANTS TO DO IN A ZOOM TO ESTABLISH DOMINANCE IS WHEN THE BACKGROUND CONTEST.

__________

MISHA: WE BOTH MOVED TO L.A. IN -- DARIUS: 99.

MISHA: DECEMBER OF 98, RIGHT BEFORE NEW YEAR'S. WE MOVED INTO THE SAME LITTLE, YOUR AUNT'S FRIEND'S HOUSE ON THE VENICE CANALS. YOUR WIFE WAS PREGNANT WITH YOUR FIRST CHILD AT THAT POINT AND MY WIFE AND I DID NOT KNOW IT AND WE WERE LIKE WHY ARE THEY SLEEPING ALL DAY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?

DARIUS: THERE WAS A GAS LEAK ALSO IN THE HOUSE. SO WE WERE ALL SLEEPING ALL DAY.

MISHA: THAT'S TRUE.

___________

MISHA: THERE WAS A TIME WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER WHEN I DON'T KNOW THAT I THERE WAS A TIME WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER WHEN I DON'T KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE GENUINELY CELEBRATED YOUR SUCCESSES, BUT THERE WAS A TIME FOR YOU STARTED MAKING THE MOVIE "LOOT" THAT WAS YOUR FIRST BIG SUCCESSFUL PROJECT. I THINK IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING THAT I REMEMBER FEELING OVERWHELMED WITH SUPPORT AND JOY FOR YOU. I JUST WANTED YOU TO SEE THIS CREATIVE VISION THROUGH AND NOTHING WOULD HAVE MADE ME HAPPIER THAN IT TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

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DARIUS: I DON'T THINK I WOULD BE EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME PERSON HAD WE NOT BEEN FRIENDS...

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DARIUS: AND WE BOTH AUDITIONED FOR IT AND AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT, YOU ENDED UP IN THE LEAD ROLE OF THAT PLAY AND WITH ALL SINCERITY YOU DID AN INCREDIBLE JOB, LIKE IT WAS ONE OF THOSE MAGICAL, I THINK YOU WOULD AGREE, ONE OF THOSE MAGICAL SCHOOL PLAYS THAT JUST IS INCREDIBLY MEMORABLE. I STILL REMEMBER IT, JUST SITTING THERE AND ENJOYING IT AND WATCHING YOU KIND OF YOUR BEST. IN I REMEMBER THEN FEELING REALLY PROUD OF YOU. I REMEMBER SITTING AND WATCHING YOU ACT AND FEELING LIKE THIS IS WHAT THIS GUY IS HERE TO DO. BECAUSE YOU WERE ON STAGE AND IT WAS SO UNDENIABLE.

_____________

DARIUS: I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE HAD A PRETTY CLEAR CHANNEL OF SUPPORT FOR EACH OTHER ALL ALONG. AND I WILL SAY, HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR YOUR SUPPORT ALL THOSE YEARS MAKING SOUND OF METAL, I DON'T KNOW THAT I COULD'VE MADE IT. THAT'S HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS, THOSE WERE HARD YEARS COME ALONG, YOU KNOW, 10 YEARS OF FAITH IN A PROCESS THAT HAD NO PROOF OF CONCEPT. SO, YOU KNOW, I NEEDED THAT SUPPORT AND YOU WERE THERE MANY, MANY, MANY TIMES OVER. I REALLY HATE TO BE SINCERE WITH YOU, I FEEL LIKE IT FEELS WRONG BUT THAT IS THE TRUTH.

____________

DARIUS: ...BECAUSE HE AND I BOTH CAME FROM SO LITTLE. I DON'T THINK WE WERE THAT AFRAID TO HAVE LITTLE. I DON'T THINK WE WERE AFRAID TO SCRAPE THE BOTTOM AND KEEP SCRAPING THE BOTTOM AND SCRAPING THE BOTTOM A LITTLE MORE.

MISHA: I HAVE HAD AN INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT SCARCITY DYNAMIC BECAUSE ON THE ONE THING, WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS TRUE AND I ALWAYS IN MY HEART OF HEARTS KNOWN I WOULD BE OK WITH NOTHING, I WOULD BE OK LIVING IN A TENT IF I NEEDED TO. AND THAT KNOWLEDGE PROVIDES A PRETTY BIG SAFETY NET, BECAUSE YOU NEVER WALK AROUND FEELING LIKE I NEED THIS MONEY. I KNOW I'M GOING TO BE OK.

AT THE SAME TIME, COMING FROM POVERTY, I THINK THE ALLURE OF MONEY HAS BEEN MAYBE MORE POWERFUL THAN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR ME OTHERWISE. IF I HAD ALWAYS HAD MONEY, I MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN SO DRAWN INTO MAKING MONEY WHEN THAT OPPORTUNITY FINALLY CAME IN MY LIFE. AND I MAY HAVE MADE CHOICES THAT DIDN'T THAT WEREN'T QUITE SO DRIVEN BY MAKING MONEY, IF THAT MAKES SENSE. AS I'M GETTING OLDER, I AM ABLE TO FORMULATE THESE THOUGHTS AND RECALIBRATE TO AN EXTENT. BUT THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I WAS MAKING MONEY JUST FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING MONEY WHEN IT WASN'T REALLY ABOUT ANYTHING CREATIVE OR BIGGER THAN THAT, AND I THINK THAT WAS A LITTLE BIT ALSO RELATED TO HAVING COME FROM POVERTY.

DARIUS: THAT IS INTERESTING, I DON'T THINK YOU'VE EVER REALLY VOICED THAT TO ME, THAT SCARCITY MODEL YOU HAD WORKING THAT WAY. THAT MAKES SENSE ACTUALLY, AND I THINK PEOPLE KNOW THIS ABOUT YOU, BUT IT WA SA LEVEL OF POVERTY THAT WAS THREATENING. IT WASN'T LIKE WE WERE KIND OF POOR OR YOU ARE SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE CLASS SPECTRUM, YOU WERE IN A SERIOUS, SERIOUS LANDSCAPE OF POVERTY.

_______________

MISHA: IT'S FUNNY, FROM THE VANTAGE POINT OF CHILDHOOD, YOU TO ME IT LOOKED JUST AWASH IN MONEY. YOUR FAMILY WAS FUCKING LOADED. AND I REMEMBER YOUR DAD, ONCE EVERY THREE MONTHS OR SO WE WOULD ALL GO OUT TO PANDA EAST, WHICH IS BASICALLY THE CHEAPEST CHINESE RESTAURANT IN TOWN COME UP BUT TO ME IT WAS LIKE CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WE ARE JUST GOING OUT AND ORDERING WHATEVER WE WANT AT THIS RESTAURANT? IT SEEMED SO OPULENT TO ME. IT'S REALLY AMAZING.

______________

MISHA: I REMEMBER DRIVING UP TO PUTNEY RIGHT AFTER I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE, I WAS 16 AND A HALF OR 17 AND DRIVING UP ON A SCHOOL NIGHT AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING JUST TO CHECK ON YOU, BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WERE KIND OF ON THE EDGE AT THAT POINT. YOU COULD HAVE EASILY NOT SURVIVED HIGH SCHOOL AND A COUPLE OF YEARS AFTER THAT. YOU WERE REALLY ON THE EDGE.

DARIUS: IT'S TRUE.

MISHA: YOU WOULD GO FOR DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING, YOU WERE A PSYCHOLOGICAL MESS AT THAT POINT AND I DO REMEMBER GOING UP THERE AND WORRYING ABOUT YOU AND CHECKING ON YOU.

_______________

DARIUS: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I HAVE FOUND THAT I HAVE NOT NEEDED YOU LESS AS I GOT OLDER.

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DARIUS: YEAH, SO, HERE IS THE THING ABOUT THE OSCARS. I HAVEN'T REALLY TALKED ABOUT THIS AT ALL. BUT THE OSCARS COINCIDED WITH - AS YOU KNOW, MISHA, COINCIDED WITH A REALLY CRAZY TIME FOR ME BECAUSE MY BEST HAVE A VERY SICK CHILD.

- BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY SICK CHILD. SO AROUND THE TIME OF THE TIME OF THE OSCARS, LEADING UP TO THE OSCARS IS MAYBE ONE OF THE DARKEST, MOST DIFFICULT TIMES OF MY LIFE DEFINITIVELY. AND YOU KNOW I HAVE HAD SOME DARK TIMES.

SO, SO OFTEN WE LOOK AT THESE THINGS AND IT LOOKS LIKE ONE THING. AND WE NEVER KNOW THE SUBPLOT THAT LIVES BEHIND IT, AND WE NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BEYOND THE IMAGE OF PERFECTNESS AND SUCCESS.

MISHA: I THINK THAT IS EXACERBATED IN THIS MOMENT IN OUR SOCIETY BECAUSE SOCIAL MEDIA, EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SHOWCASING THE MOST PERFECT VERSION OF THEIR WIVES AND FAMILIES.

AND OF COURSE, YOU WERE GOING THROUGH THE JUXTAPOSITION OF THAT PARTICULAR MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE, AND YOU ARE STILL GOING THROUGH THE HARD CHAPTER, APPARENT SUFFERING THROUGH A SICK CHILD AND WHAT YOUR CHILD IS GOING THROUGH IS JUST SO HARD AND SO HEARTBREAKING. AND TO HAVE THAT MOMENT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING TOWARD YOUR WHOLE LIFE, YOU JUST REACHED THE APEX OF YOUR CAREER, YOU MAY NEVER AGAIN BE AT THE OSCARS, AND ANYONE WHO EVER THINKS THEY ARE GOING TO WIND UP AT THE OSCARS IS DELUSIONAL, IT JUST DOESN'T WIND UP AT THE OSCARS IS DELUSIONAL, IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN. AND YET YOU HAVE FOUND YOURSELF THERE AT THIS INCREDIBLE TRIUMPHANT UNLIKELY MOMENT.

DARIUS: I DID ALWAYS KNOW I WOULD BE THERE BUT GO ON.

MISHA: AT THE SAME TIME YOU ARE SUFFERING THROUGH THE MOST EXHAUSTING AND MOST EMOTIONALLY DRAINING THING IMAGINABLE, AND IT WAS ALMOST LIKE A KIND OF CRUEL JOKE FROM THE UNIVERSE, IT SEEMED.

DARIUS: IT WAS THE CRUELEST DICHOTOMY. AND I THINK WHAT WAS IMPORTANT FOR ME AT THAT TIME IS I WAS NAVIGATING A LOT, PRESS, THE OSCARS, I WAS DIRECTING SOMETHING ELSE OF THE TIME, RUNNING BACK AND FORTH AT THE HOSPITAL, SLEEPING ON A HOSPITAL COT, DOING ALL THE STUFF, THAT I NEEDED SOMETHING NEAR ME THAT I UNDERSTOOD, YOU KNOW?

I NEEDED SOMEONE NEAR ME THAT I FELT GROUNDING RIGHT THEN. AND THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE TRUTH OF IT, IS LIKE, YOU ARE THE PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE -- FACE OF THE EARTH THAT I COULD CALL ON AT THAT MOMENT AND I NEEDED IT.

____________

These are some of the moments from the zoom. It was quite emotional as you can tell from the little bit of transcript I'm posting. You can tell how close these two are and how much they have been there for each other over the years, how well they know each other. They have one of those rare life long friendships.

I do wanna say this and I'm not saying it to be rude or anything but I remember there was a cameo that Misha did and he said he was helping a friend with a sick child and the person who bought the cameo got mad cuz their question wasn't answered and they said cruel things about Misha. Well, shame on you.

We may not have had this information at the time but you never assume when someone mentions a sick kid and don't mention how bad it is, it could be nothing or it could be something major like with Darius' kid. Misha could have not done the cameo at all but he did when he had his best friend and his best friends kid on his mind and was worried about. Shame on anyone who said mean things from that cameo. Misha always does the best he can for all of us.

Anyway, I hope we get to see more from these two in the future. They are both amazingly talented individuals.

#misha collins #darius marder #misha darius zoom #gish zoom #gish

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futurewriter2000 · 4 years ago

Text

If I can't have you, nobody can - pt. 3

A/N: This part is a bit more personal to me than I intended it to be... lol.

It's been a mess. You've been a mess. Lately, everything has been a mess that you've been trying so hard to clean up and it never got unmessed up.

A mess, chaos, ... life.

You don't know what had happened to you. What happened to the girl who was so excited to live her own life after Hogwarts? What happened?

He did. Sirius did. James did. The whole Marauders did.

It seemed useless and a waste of time to blame it all them; your misery but it is their fault. As good, fond memories you have with them and of them, they had made you fall into this mess.

*****' "You're so bright and always happy that it makes it so much easier to be myself around you." said Sirius as the two of you walked up the hill.

"Thank you." you smiled. "I love making people happy, even though they don't do the same." you said bluntly, knowing you must have said something odd since he didn't answer back. "I mean... I'm used to people leaving me after they used me..." you didn't know how to quiet yourself down. Why were you telling him this? Why were you opening up? It must have been the all-nighter the two of you pulled for your essay.

He had promised you a sunrise and weed as an award for a successful night of potions and ingridients and six ways of stirring a pot.

"I get it." he said, the light mood faltering into heavy intensity that made you quite uncomfortable. "People have done that to me too... I could never though..." '*****

"But you did." you told yourself after staring yourself in the mirror. You just came out of the hot shower, the steam drizzling in mid air and fogging the mirror. You closed your eyes as if the tears were burning your eyeballs... until you shed a tear.

You wiped it off and the fog was gone from the mirror. It was only you. You and your reflection staring at one another. Trying to smile, you almost scared yourself from how painful your heartbreak appeared. You couldn't smile. Not like before, at least. It didn't come naturally... it came with force and it was an ugly smile.

The shadows of your head were pulsing, the right of your eye continued to twitch and your eyelids puffed up as well as your cheeks.

"I'm fine." you said and took a deep breath out, then in...

Heavy... you were so heavy, so tired, exhausted, drained mentally and emotionally but you were strong. You knew you were strong more than anybody you had ever known.

You looked yourself in the eyes. "Maybe I'm not fine right now. Maybe I am broken, hurt and lost but I've been here before and I got out. No doubt I can do it again better." you pushed yourself off the sink and left the bathroom.

---

Sirius has been stuck at the same desk as he has been for a month but something... something inside of him was missing. Easier than facing that missing piece of him, he pushed it down.

"Good evening- oh! If it isn't the infamous Sirius Black!" the woman smiled.

"Madam Pince!" Sirius exclaimed. "What brings you to this corner of the Ministry?"

"My darling husband has become ill so here I am, taking care of the usual things he takes care of but I don't mind it at all. I love papers." she laughed widely, which Sirius has never seen on the strict librarian who constantly shushed him when he caused ruckus. For a librarian she laughs extremely loudly.

"We'll take care of it immediately." he started to shuffle through the desk, stamping the documents, reading them, copying them...

"And how about James and your other three friends?" she asked.

"James is more in luck than me. He's already got a mentor for an Auror job as I am stuck on the waiting list, doing them some dull paperwork." he smiled, noticing how the last sentence may have offended the librarian who adores paperwork. He quickly cleared his throat and changed the subject. "Remus has thought about teaching but has hard a rough time finding a post at school, so he's finding himself a bit and Peter is in with his family business, which I never really took interest into finding out what that business is." he smiled politely, stamping the last document and giving her back the papers.

"Well, I think you boys will figure it out sooner or later. You were always all so bright." she grabbed the papers and put them in her bag. "How about the girl? (y/n)?"

Something cut Sirius in half from head to toe when he heard your name. Your name was the knife that cut in deep. Widening his eyes for a bit, he was lost with words. "I- I mean... I don't know with her..." he started to stammer, stumbling over his own words.

"You two were so wonderful." she giggled. "It was such a pleasure watching you two walk down the hall or the library- and with the rest of your friends, you all seemed so wonderful."

"Yeah- uhm."

****' You were jumping in excitement, speaking with enthusiasm. "YOU KNOW THAT BACKPACK THING!"

"The back stretch?" he said calmly.

"Yeah!" she laughed. "I always used to do it with my cousin whenever she came to visit but it's been so long."

"Let us try." said Sirius.

"Here? In front of everybody?" said James, a bit worried. "We should just go."

"LET'S DO IT!" you laughed and turned around. Sirius turned his back against yours and took a hold of your arms until he lifted you up and let your back crack quietly. He didn't even hear it but he had heard you laugh like a little innocent child.

"Oh my God. The two of you are so weird." James rolled his eyes.

But Sirius put you back down on the ground and started laughing with you. "How did it feel?"

"My back? Fucking amazing." you stretched your back a little bit more and continued to laugh. ' ***

"We- uhm... we lost in touch." Sirius looked up at Madam Pince with guilt in his eyes... maybe pain that memory brought him.

She gave him a sympathetic look and smiled. "That's a shame. The two of you were wonderful friends..."

"Yeah... we were, weren't we?"

#sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders era

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newtonsheffield · 4 years ago

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Hi Molly! I’m not sure if my last (kind of long) message went through because of my shitty internet, but here’s a quick summary of what I said because I’m too lazy to retype it like I had before! Sooo, I said that I totally understand needing an outlet while working all day with people, especially healthcare. I look up to you because I hope one day to find something I can create that helps me and others enjoy too! I’m so glad that writing this universe is a hobby and not a burden!! I’ll be here to provide prompts until you tell me to leave 😂

I also said that I looooooved the drabble you wrote about what happened right after Enchanted, and it got me thinking about Sophie and Anthony and their interactions. Then I started thinking about other rare duos that we don’t see a lot and I was wondering if you had any headcanons for some, specifically a sibling + a spouse. Sophie and Anthony, Benedict and Lucy, Daphne and Kate, Penelope and Gregory (I had a random thought of Greg coming up with an idea for a fantasy novel and going to Pen and saying “I have this idea, but I don’t have the writing skills. Will you help me write it?” And Colin is just like “ummm I’m your brother. Why not pick me?” And Penelope and Gregory start having weekly book meetings, and eventually get a book published, and even though Colin acts annoyed, he loves that his wife and brother are close and wrote a book together. Random thought I had haha)

If you got the first message, I’m very sorry for the duplicate and go ahead and delete one of these haha

Abby! No! I didn’t get your other message! Working with other human beings is an exhausting experience I think we can agree! Especially in healthcare where you tend to have to take on the problems of other people and that... takes its toll. People crying on your shoulder becomes very emotionally draining, for me at least: And when you’ve had to have a parent hold down their child who has screamed and cried and bitten you so you can take a tooth out that’s going to kill them if you don’t? Yeah It’s rough man 😂. Anyway! You shouldn’t look up to me, I have a genuine problem with redbull and I think it’s a breakfast drink and whenever I have a problem, I just get a new tattoo, which I’m gonna do again soon (🌷🌷) When I say it’s a problem, I mean: Like If I have one I have to have 3, thems the rules and I don’t make them.

I love This idea of like odd bod Bridgerton pairings. And I LOVE the idea of Gregory and Penelope writing a novel together. Love and adore so I am gonna just leave it untouched! But! Here are some more Bridgerton rare pairs!

Sophie knew it wasn’t fair to be nervous around Benedict’s family. They hadn’t been anything but kind to her, but still she couldn’t help but feel a little skittish around them. Especially his older brother Anthony. Anthony was an imposing man, even more so than his wife, who was so warm and friendly but so confidant and magnetic that people seemed to be drawn in by her energy. Anthony was in general, a stoic silent person, standing by his wife who was always laughing loudly, with the softest look on his face. But that kind of stoic silence made Sophie nervous. Because it was almost impossible to tell what was happening inside his mind. The last place she expected to find herself was in Anthony Bridgerton’s kitchen, the man right beside her, cooking in companionable silence, the sound of their partners floating back to them. You... like to cook? Sophie said quietly, questioning him lightly, watching carefully for his reaction. Anthony smiled softly, still hyper focused on his task chopping evenly I Do. I know Ben is useless in the Kitchen, much to our Mother’s heartbreak but I like it in here. Everything makes sense, there’s an order to do things in, I find it... calming He said shrugging and Sophie smiled, understanding just a little more about this man. I get that. I got into cooking because it felt nice to create something out of all the chaos so I get that. Anthony laughed Well, you’ve met my wife so I’m sure you know how much chaos is in my life. Sophie laughed, her heart warming at the soft look in his eye anyway. And then, with a cheeky smirk on his face Anthony Bridgerton, the stern, stoic man said Plus I think we can agree earns you huge points in the bedroom no? And Sophie couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled from her chest You’re definitely not wrong Anthony. And next time she went to his house she was barely surprised when Anthony grinned at her and said Get in the Kitchen Sophie, we’re making Risotto!

Lucy Abernathy had been very nervous when her new boyfriend Gregory had tugged hr by the hand into his Mother’s house and yelled out Hyacinth Bridgerton! Get your arse down here! Lucy loved how much Greg loved all of his siblings, and she had heard the way Gregory talked about his littlest sister. She’s like my favourite person, Luce! He said with his eyes shining brightly and Lucy’s breath had caught as he’d said Don’t be nervous, she’s gonna love you. But from the very first moment Hyacinth locked eyes with Lucy it was evident that she did not, love Lucy. Hyacinth raised her eyebrow as she took Lucy in Hy, this is Lucy who I’ve told you so much about! Lucy’s heart thumping a little wildly at the thought of Greg telling his little sister about her. Hyacinth clicked her tongue I assumed, given the way you were wrapped around her like an octopus. Lucy shifted uncomfortably. Gregory scoffed, I’m going to get some snacks and then we’re gonna play Playstation he said ruffling his sister’s hair. Hyacinth narrowed her eyes at Lucy as she kissed Gregory’s cheek before he left. You’re different than I thought you’d be. Hyacinth said lightly, I looked at your instagram I hope I’m wrong about what a princess you are. And Lucy had stared open mouthed after the young girl, sitting quietly all afternoon as Hyacinth quietly sniped at her, indignation and frustration rising in her chest until she snapped Hyacinth if you want to hate me that’s fine, but I love your brother and I’m not going anywhere! Lucy hissed at the girl when they were alone in the kitchen immediately feeling guilty that she’d let the stress get to her and then Hyacinth laughed brightly Ooooo She’s got some claws. Maybe I am wrong about you. And as odd as it was Lucy couldn’t help but feel she’d won this girl’s respect when Hyacinth begrudgingly slid a bowl of crisps in her direction.

#bridgerton and sons au #lucy+ Hyacinth #Sophie + anthony #sophie beckett #anthony bridgerton #lucy abernathy #hyacinth bridgerton #molly's asks and answers

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f0xfordcomma · 3 years ago

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Hello!! Happy FFWF!! Is there anything in particular that you find hard to write? Are there any WIPs that you've just absolutely given up on cause you think it'll go nowhere?? (would you share a bit of it? :D)

Croisty! Happy ffw tuesday (which tbh is earlier than I thought I'd be able to do these, so be proud of me lol)

I wish I had more to go off of in my writing portfolio to answer this question, but I think the thing I have the hardest time writing/ have avoided writing in my wips is just unfettered angst or like horror/ violence. Like character death? Gore? Fight scenes? (ooooh baby I SUCK at fight scenes) all of /that/ is just not really my forte as a writer. Don't get me wrong, I am not opposed to hurting my characters, but hurt/comfort is more where its at for me. You've read my stuff, so you know how emotionally driven a lot of my writing is. I think I would have a hard time writing more graphic/ heartbreaking/ violent *stuff* in my style. Idk, it would probably be a good thing for me to practice.... but.... I don't wanna (hands on hips) sooooo I'm not planning to really do anything quite like that anytime soon.

As far as abandoned wips go, I've got plentyyyy (or just verrrrrrry dusty wips that are not quite abandoned but are sitting very patiently on the shelf waiting for me to have the time to get back to them) Violent/ angsty/ deathy/ fighty abandoned wips though? Not so much.

But for you, mon petit croissant, have a bit of a miraculous ladybug reveal fic that I wrote one night after having a little ~ouid~ and convincing my husband to put on a sheet face mask with me that I now have no intention of finishing (oops, rip me).

okaaaaayyy so this is actually pretty dang long lol but I'm going to share the whole thing with you because I just re-read it for the first time in months and its pretty funny ~if you ask me~ so anyway... under the cut <3

NIGHT OFF

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t a totally crazy idea to take a night off.

Besides, Shadowmoth’s akumatizations had slowed down considerably in the past few months, and he rarely ever sent out two akumas in one day. The battle that she and Chat had fought that morning was brutal, but they’d come out victorious against HoneyBadger. Still, the fight had left her exhausted and wound up. Shadowmoth was planning something, she was sure of it. She just couldn’t, for the life of her, figure out what it was.

Ladybug was stressed.

Add to that, the fact that end-of-term exams were starting up next week and she’d not had nearly enough time during dead week to actually cram. Something about black butterflies and cranky kwamis and a cheeky cat (who, in recent weeks, had been considerably less cheeky.) Not to mention, she had been receiving an awful lot of memes, seemingly without preamble, from Paris’ favorite male model. Nino thought it was hilarious. Alya thought it was suspicious. Marinette thought it was confusing.

Marinette was stressed.

All of it was stressful.

Alya knew when her best friend was stressed. She could usually gauge the amount of Marinette’s exasperation by the frequency with which her bangs went flying from her face, propelled by a huff and a heavy sigh. Right now, Marinette’s bangs were a mess.

“Okay, girl. You need a night off.”

“What? No, I’m fine! Really! Plus, I can’t really afford to take a night off right now, Alya… I don’t know what Shadowmoth ha—”

“Yeah, no. I’m stopping you right there. For the next twenty-four hours, this space is a Ladybug-talk free zone,” she gestured vaguely around her bedroom, which was scattered with printouts and pictures that Marinette had brought over to work on nailing down Hawkmoth’s possible location using Alya’s beloved akuma-map. “I know, I know. It pains me more than it pains you, truly. But I’m doing this for you. Tonight: you, me, drinks, distractions. You are taking a night off.”

“But Alya! What if—”

“Hush, you know that’s incredibly unlikely. And, in the event of this IF you are so set on, you know that cat boy and I will have your back. Even drunk ladybugs can purify akumas when they have the clawed crusaders on their side.”

“I can’t believe you gave in to his silly nickname.”

“It is a badass nickname and you are just jealous that we bonded.”

“I’m not jealous. I’m annoyed.”

“Mhmm… keep telling yourself that, girl. Now, back to the matter at hand: what kind of drunk do you want to get tonight? Classy or trashy? I still have that peach stuff from last month, but if we are thinking classy I might need to call in the reserves to get us some decent wine.”

“You won’t need to call in anybody, Al, because I am definitely not getting drunk tonight.”

“Night off, Marinette. Drunkenness is a prerequisite.”

“Can’t we just watch movies or something? I really don’t know if that’s too good of an idea…”

“Girl, we watch movies every night. This is a night off. Don’t think I don’t see you stressing all throughout movie night every week, anyway. You need to take your mind off Ladybug,” she gestured at the mess that had consumed her bedroom. “And get your mind back on Marinette. Superhero or no, you’re still a teenage girl who is supposed to be enjoying the last few months of college.”

Marinette pouted.

“Stop pouting. You know you deserve to have normal girl fun.”

“But Alya I—”

“No buts.” An unnervingly devious look crossed Alya’s face. “Unless it is your butt in that pair of skinny jeans that you and I both know you-know-who loves. Boys will be here in twenty. Get to it, girl.”

Marinette just gaped at her. She didn’t even notice that Alya had grabbed her phone, but alas, there was the tell-tale ping.

Alya Cesaire → Akuma class OGs chat

Alya: anyone down for a little last minute get together—my door is open and my bar is stocked

Nino: HELL YEAH babe!

NL: got a new mix i’ve been meaning to show you… so entertainments on me fam!

Alix: This thing got an itinerary or just drunkenness for drunkenness sake?

Alya: the latter, natch.

Alix: Sick! Count me in.

Kim: same!

Rose: Do you need us to bring anything?

Alya: anything you feel like sharing

Alya: otherwise, just yourselves!

Alya: Agreste~you better bring us some of that expensive shit that i know your pops keeps somewhere in that castle of yours

Alya: no fancy wine, no admittance

Alya: the rest of you peasants just bring wtvr

Adrien: uhhhhhhhhhh

Adrien: ALYA

Adrien: dang it! You know I feel obligated to steal wine from my dad’s cellar now

Adrien: do you know how scary my dad is!!!??

Nino: DUDEEEE

Nino: DO IT you wont!

Adrien: shuddup Nino

Marinette: Adrien you totally don’t have to! Alya is just being **extra** Alya today

Alya: i plan a night off for this girl

Alya: and this is the thanks i get??????

Alya: can ya’ll believe this?

Alya: ridiculous

Zoe: UTTERLY RIDICULOUS

Adrien: utterly ridic

Adrien: dangit

Zoe: lol first! sorry adrien

Marinette: ugh ty I guess Als xxxxx

Alya: awe she DOES care, youre welcome babe!

Alya: so sunshine… about that wine?

Adrien: yeah yeah yeah

Adrien: use my people pleasing against me why dontcha

Alya: gladly <3

“Alya, stop bullying Adrien.”

“No way, girl. Giving that boy a task is the only way to ensure he shows up. Speaking of which… butt, jeans, go, now!”

The doorbell rang. Nino had perfected the quickest route to Alya’s house from every part of Paris years ago. Yes, he was whipped; and yes, he was proud of it.

“ALYA! I have to clean all of this up and I have to go home to get those jeans that you’re so dead set on and…”

“No you don’t. Kaalki?”

“Right here, Ms. Rouge.”

“YOU USED VOYAGE TO BRING ME JEANS?”

“No way girl! Don’t be silly. Kaalki and Roaar just volunteered to be my errand kwamis.”

“You guys do realize that I am the guardian, right?”

“Of course, that’s why we worked so hard to get everything that you need for tonight.”

“I—you… wait is this my good bra? How did you—”

“Us kwamis pay attention, Marinette.” Tikki cuddled up to her cheek.

“Et tu, Tikki?”

The ladybug kwami just giggled and made her way to the pile of papers scattered across Alya’s bed, starting to organize them back into neat stacks.

“Night. Off.” Alya punctuated each word with a shove and a smack on the bum, directing Marinette toward the bathroom and shutting her in to get ready while she got the door for Nino.

#foxford just casually drops an entire dang chapter of a fic for your ffwf enjoyment #oops #miraculous ladybug #foxford writes #ml #ml season four #aged up adrienette #ffwf #ffwtuesday #thanks for asking!!#<3 #foxford answers #thatcroissantgurl #a moment of silence for my wip graveyard #cw: mentions of drunkenness #(they are old enough in france okay)

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goldentournesol · 5 years ago

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Let It Die

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

The one where Spencer and Reader fall out of love with one another.

A/N: Request: let your music playlist pick a random song. Complete a fic based on the lyrics (Mgg or Spence x female! Reader) please ;) Excited to see what comes out of it!! Xoxo I LOVED THIS IDEA! thanks for requesting! so...much..ANGST! (does NOT have a happy ending) </3

Length: 1.4k

masterlist

Let It Die - Three Days Grace (this song is basically the embodiment of angst)

We had fire in our eyes

In the beginning, I

Never felt so alive,

In the beginning...

Falling in love with Spencer was the easiest thing Y/N ever did. In the beginning, their love was passionate and truly unbreakable. Their love made people envious of them. It seemed as if they were attached. They understood each other when no one else bothered to understand them.

Y/N remembers a time when loving Spencer was pure bliss. She remembers the late nights filled with giggles and laughter. She remembers the way his face used to light up when she used to bake him his favorite cookies. She even remembers how he used to delve straight into her arms upon his arrival, having been completely and utterly ripped apart from his emotionally and physically draining job. She, of course, knew and expected the difficulties of his job, but then, everything began to change.

His smile seemed to have been permanently cut in half from where it used to stretch across his face and reach his ears to barely showing itself. His demeanor around her had muted itself. The once shining and eccentric Spencer had died down. She would have attributed his withdrawn behavior to his job, but when he was around his work family, the Spencer she fell in love with returned. It was only when they were alone would his responses become cold and dry. He’d stopped looking her in the eyes unless he absolutely had to. Spencer was a man of very many words, but lately, he couldn’t find any to say to her.

She confronted him time and time again.

“Spencer, I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately. But I’m here for you, you know that right?” he’d only hum in response.

“I made dinner, do you want to eat together?” he’d make up an excuse, saying that he already ate or that he just wasn’t hungry.

“Bad day today?” she’d ask, hoping to spark a conversation, but he’d just nod.

She didn’t know why he was avoiding her, but soon it became exhausting. They slept on opposite sides of the bed. When he was away on cases, she’d often find herself crying. Crying because he was so distant. Even when he was around he was so close, but still so far away. Crying because he stopped putting in the bare minimum. They had lost their spark and they both knew it. Neither of them was willing to admit it. Y/N kept it to herself in hopes of reigniting the fire they once had and Spencer kept it to himself because he knew that she would be devastated.

Spencer was currently on his way back home from an especially difficult case and Y/N hadn’t realized that he’d be returning today. Communication between them was challenged.

She’d found herself scrolling through old photos of them together. Their eyes and smiles were so bright, so full of life and love. Her heart ached at the loss of that. Before she knew it, the tears falling from her eyes turned into waterfalls. The sadness she’d tried to lock away was overflowing as the sobs fought their way out of her body. She wondered if he felt the same. She was so lost in her sadness that she’d barely heard him come home.

Spencer had walked in and heard her sobs. A sigh left his lips as his heart shattered for her. He found her curled into herself on the couch, swiping through old pictures of them. He placed his bag on the floor and cleared his throat, resulting in a startled scream from her.

“Relax! It’s just me.” he said, lifting his hands up. He wished to see a sense of relief when her bloodshot eyes met his, but instead he was met with frustrated huff that very obviously hid behind a plethora of emotions. He wished he could read her body language but he couldn’t place exactly what was going through her head.

“Oh...I didn’t know you were coming today.” she spoke softly, turning back around. She was slightly ashamed that he saw her in such a vulnerable state but then she remembered that she shouldn’t be thinking that way. It was Spencer after all.

“Yeah, um...I figured you’d be asleep.” He stood at the door awkwardly, his hands shoved in his pockets. His heart yearned to make her sadness dissipate, but he knew he wasn’t able to anymore.

He approached her slowly, “Do you...do you do this a lot?” She didn’t know whether he was referring to her bawling her eyes out or looking through the photos, so she just shrugged, avoiding his gaze. He took a seat near her and she felt new tears escape when the familiar scent of soap and coffee hit her. A scent that used to bring her comfort now made her throat close up, as if she were allergic to it.

I swear, I never meant to let it die

I just don't care about you anymore

It's not fair when you say that I didn't try

I just don't care about you anymore

“I just wanna know why.” she asked, her voice laced with heartbreak and confusion.

“Why what?” he asked.

“Why did you let it die?” she sniffled and turned to face him, “why did you let us die?”

He was so taken aback by the loaded question, that he didn’t even know what to say, and Spencer always had an answer for everything.

“I swear I never meant to let it die.” he stated. Her greatest fear had been confirmed, but she wasn’t convinced. She was so fed up with his actions, or...lack thereof.

“I want to scream at you right now, Spencer Reid. I want to fight with you! I want you to talk to me! Eat with me! Hell, even look at me! Where have you been?!” he was about to answer but she interrupted him, “No! Not physically! When you’re with me, you seem absent. When you’re with me, I miss you! How is that even possible?! It’s exhausting, it’s like you don’t even want to try!” He watched her as her hands balled into fists at her side, not knowing where to put her emotions.

“It’s not fair when you say that I didn’t try, Y/N.” Spencer says, feeling his chest close up. It felt like he had given his all, but to her it just wasn’t enough.

“The hell do you know about fairness?!” she yelled at him, “You have no idea what it’s been like for me these past few months, Spencer!” He knew she was right, but it was like something snapped inside of him and he’d just lost all ability to empathize.

You blame me, but

It's not fair when you say that I didn't try

I just don't want to hear it anymore

“Please, can we talk about this later?” He’d already felt so drained by the day to the point where he didn’t know if any combination of words even existed in English language that could possibly make her feel better.

“Later? Later?! You mean there’s going to be more of this?!” she gestured between them angrily, “No, no. I’ve had enough, Spencer. Even now, you don’t even want to try! Try it, Spencer! Fight with me, damn it! Let me know that I’m worth a single ounce of emotion to you!” Y/N stood up, stomping her foot on the ground.

He stared up at her with empty eyes, despite being filled with tears of his own.

“I just don’t care about you anymore.”

He hadn’t meant for it to come out that way, but he couldn’t have been more clear. Somehow, it made sense to him that the clearer he was, the less she would hurt. He was proven wrong when her breath caught in her throat and she physically took a step back as if he had stabbed her. The look on her face was enough to make his own tears escape from his eyes.

That right there was the worst thing that had ever been said to her. It was at that moment that they knew their relationship became irreparable. Falling out of love with Spencer was the hardest thing Y/N ever did.

#spencer x reader #spencer reid fic #spencer reid angst #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid masterlist #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #angst #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid one shot #mgg #cm #sorry #spencer reid x reader

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pi-creates · 4 years ago

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CJ was asked this and I wanna hear your opinion too! What do you think are the top 5 saddest moments in ALL the seasons?

Hmm...reading CJ’s response, I think my answers are going to overlap in parts - but here we go.

5. Dealing with Duck. Yeah. Everything after he gets bit up until dealing with him in the woods is this building up of sadness. It’s made worse because we are the one who has to bring other people into the sadness because they are happier pretending everything’s fine. That hurts too.

4. The entire final episode of season 2 - the actual breaking point being the Lee flashback. This is more sad in that “I’m already down, can you please stop kicking me” way. It just constantly builds in that episode so I’m so emotionally exhausted that I’m on a hair trigger. The flashback where Clem can ask Lee not to leave her is what usually gets me, and there isn’t really a ‘cheer up’ point after that. I’m still sad throughout the snow walk, and the fight, and shooting Kenny, and finding AJ.

3. Gabe’s death scene. Luckily I don’t have to see this scene often, because it really bothers me. It’s just sad and awful for both Clem and Javi. Not only is it sad, but it feels like a failure. Like, you were his caregiver, it feels like it’s on you when he doesn’t make it.... yeah, sad.

2. AJ and Clementine in the barn. I cry for AJ here - he’s in such a broken state but being told he can’t actually break. Poor little bubba tugs at my heartstrings. I might not have actually believed Clem died here, but their goodbye feels very real and heartbreaking.

1. Clementine saying goodbye to Lee in the jewellery store. This still hits me hard, it has so many things in it that really get to me. Child crying? Yep, I cry. “Don’t go...”... yeah, if I manage to get through the actual dialogue prompts and get to this final line from Clem, then I’m gone. Then they have the audacity to play Take Us Back and use violins which happen to be one of those instruments that also really gets to me.

If you can’t tell - don’t mess with the kids. That is what’s going to get me upset. Honourable sad mentions also go to Mariana’s funeral, the Ben alley, and Willy mourning Mitch.

#twdg talk

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clouds-rambles · 4 years ago

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Amnesia Anon. It needed to be raw (wow, sounds like I'm talking about a steak or something). After what those two idiots are through, there are only two ways to rekindle: Either through raw emotion or heartbreak that involves swearing and maybe screaming, or it happens silently, maybe after a physical fight. Both are exhausted and drained and tired, mentally, physically and emotionally. They just start talking, both no longer able to even get angry. It happens slow, and with caution.

yeah i like my rekindiling like I like my steak... medium rare <3

yeah its another step forwards for them, at least theyre not down eachothers throats now, but both sides are still going to exercise caution. Kaeya because he's scared of getting hurt, Diluc because he's scared of another betrayal.

They're like feral cats when humans approach them. Both of them have to go little ways to get the other to eat the food, and maybe the cat wall crawl up in the formers lap and go home

#clouds rambles #yeah feral cat analogies

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messrprcngs · 5 years ago

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* VENUSENTHIUM, Part 3 .

SUMMARY : you explain what happened to sirius and remus, which brings you to starting realizations about both your relationship with your boyfriend and your relationship with your best friend. part 1. part 2. marauders era PAIRING : sirius black x female!reader, remus lupin x female!reader WARNINGS : badly written flangst. read at your own risk, my dudes. also, there’s a mutual breakup so ? WORD COUNT : 2460 A/N : apologies for being so late with this update, friends. i know, it’s been months since i posted part two, and those of you who are actually looking forward to part three probably hate me. BUT, hopefully you don’t hate me enough to not read this. anyway, i hope you guys like it, and in february it will be two years since i wrote and posted the first part of venusenthium ( two years since i started this blog, too, but that’s less important ).

you were still looking at remus as you said those words, and from your peripheral you could see sirius’ head whip around to face you in surprise. you didn’t react, though; instead, you kept looking at remus, and watched as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"y/n . . . what?"

"it's my fault," you confirmed, still holding tight to the sleeve of remus' robes. "it's my fault that sirius doesn't recognize me."

remus breathed out a laugh through his nose. "y/n, love, that's ridiculous. why . . . how could it be your fault that this prick,” he jerked his chin in the direction of sirius, breaking eye contact with you for a moment to fix his best friend with a sharp glare that was reserved for when one of the boys had royally screwed up, “doesn’t recognize you?”

you took a deep breath, eyes searching remus’. you didn’t know what you were looking for, and weren’t sure if you’d found it or not.

you looked away from remus and brought your gaze to sirius only to find that he was already looking at you, presumably watching the interaction between you and his mate. you had to tell them what you’d done now, before you chickened out.

“earlier,” you started, dropping remus’ sleeve as you looked back up at him, “when we were in the library, i found an old spellbook. it - it’d fallen off the shelf when someone was re-shelving books on the other side, and it landed on the ground open to this page with a charm on it, and i picked it up and read it, y’know, because that’s - that’s what i do and, and -”

“y/n,” remus said, cutting you off. “slow down, love.” you hadn’t realized that you’d been talking so fast that sirius and remus could hardly follow your story, or that you’d begun to tear up again. you swallowed slowly, blinked away the oncoming tears, and continued on.

“the spellbook had opened to this page with a . . . well, it’d called it a beautification charm, and what it does is, well, you cast it, and then everyone around you sees the caster as whoever they think is the . . . the most -”

“the most beautiful person,” remus finished for you, and you nodded, sneaking a glance at sirius. his eyebrows were furrowed and he was staring down at his feet, clearly puzzled. but as you turned your head to look at him full-on, his brow relaxed, and he looked back up at you, a realization dawning in his eyes.

“so you cast the charm to what?” remus asked. “figure out who i think the most beautiful person i’ve seen is?”

you turn your head to him and shrug helplessly. “i wanted to figure out who you had a crush on, rem, because you wouldn’t tell me and i was so curious. but -”

“but she ran into me instead.” merlin, what was it today with people finishing your sentences for you? you were torn between being slightly miffed that you couldn’t finish your own tragic story and being relieved that you didn’t have to put everything that had happened into words.

you nodded, avoiding the boys’ gazes. “yeah.”

“jeez,” you heard remus same at the same time that you heard sirius heave a sigh, and you looked up to find both boys running their hands through their hair. sirius had one hand combed through the top of his hair, holding it in place, and remus was running his hand through his significantly shorter hair from the nape of his neck to the top of his head repeatedly.

“i’m - i’m sorry,” you said, and you knew the second that it came out of your mouth that it was a stupid thing to say. wasn’t if you who was supposed to be upset? upset with sirius, for him thinking you were marlene when you had a beautification charm cast on you? you felt the tears prickling at the back of your eyes again.

sirius’ head snapped up as soon as the apology had left your mouth. the movement attracted your attention, and though you saw remus - who was closer to you - move his hand in your direction, sirius was quicker. it took him a single stride to end up in front of you, and once he was toe-to-toe with you, he grabbed your forearm firmly and pulled you into his chest. he wrapped his other arm around your back, successfully trapping you in rib-crushing bear hug.

“no,” sirius said, resting his cheek on the top of your head. “you have nothing to apologize for, y/n. i should be the one apologizing. i’m so, so sorry, love.”

and that’s when you began to cry again.

your eyes were squeezed so tightly shut that you were beginning to see multicolored spots behind your eyelids. the sobs were violent and draining, and your whole body scrunched up each time you gasped and jerked every time you wailed.

sirius stood there and took it, letting you use his jumper as a snot rag. he didn’t make any noise, choosing instead to quietly stroke your hair as you got this wave of tears and heartbreak out of your system.

after what felt like forever, you’re gut-wrenching sobs subsided, and you tilted your head up while it was under his chin, signalling to him that you wanted to look at him. pulling away and peering down at you, sirius moved his hands to grip both of your shoulders. seeing his eyes, which were dark and beautiful as every, made you want to break down again. your own eyes, which you knew were rimmed in red, let a few more tears escape.

“i’m sorry,” sirius whispered again, and you knew he meant it. “i love you, y/n, i really do, i just . . .”

when sirius looked away and didn’t finish, you finished for him. “it’s just that you’re falling in love with marlene.”

sirius looked back to you and nodded, very, very slowly. “i s’pose so.”

you gave sirius a watery smile. “that’s all right. i understand. marlene’s beautiful, siri.”

sirius did nothing but frown at you, brows pulled together in concern.

“sirius . . . we need to break up.” you let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding; that was the hardest sentence you’d ever had to say in your life.

sirius nodded, frowning slightly. when he spoke again, it was in a very quiet voice. “i know.”

“because if you like marlene, i don’t want to hold you back. i love you too much to do that to you.”

sirius was silent for a long moment, but finally he gave you a small, half smile. there was an immense fondness in his eyes, and you knew it was directed at you. “i know,” he said again.

you wished that you could kiss him; merlin, you wanted to kiss him. but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, so instead you shrugged your shoulders out from under his hands. you took a few steps backwards, away from sirius, only halting your movements when your back hit something warm, which you figured was remus. a pair of arms came up to tentatively wrap around your waist; definitely remus. you hadn’t realized up until then that he was still standing on the staircase landing with you and sirius.

sirius watched the interaction between you and remus, and his eyes still held that same fondness as before, only this time it was directed at both of you.

the three of you stood there like that, just watching each other, for what felt like an eternity. finally, sirius nodded once, firmly and surely, as if he’d confirmed some long-held suspicion. he looked satisfied.

“i’ll see you both at dinner,” he said. and then: “take care of her, remus.”

that last bit surprised you: you knew your boyfriend - ex boyfriend - overdid it with the histrionics, but he sounded serious (no pun intended) telling remus to take care of you. you wondered why.

remus’ arms tightened around you. “i will.”

sirius nodded again, and then turned on his heel and headed back the way he’d come - the way that you’d come as well, when you were a mess of hair and tears running from the man you loved.

you watched him leave, and when you couldn’t see him anymore, you turned around in remus’ hold and wound your arms around his own waist. “i’m exhausted.”

remus let out a humorless chuckle, but otherwise chose to ignore your words. “do you need to talk about it, n/n?”

instead of answering, you removed your arms from remus’ waist and walked over to and slid down the railing the two of you had been sitting against before. you pulled your knees up, feet flat against the cool stone of the landing, and put one arm on top of the other over your knees.

remus followed your lead, going back over to your spot against the stair rail, but instead of leaning back against it, he sat facing you, waiting patiently to talk. finally, you turned your head in his direction and opened your mouth.

“it’s just . . . i thought that sirius and i were going to be together for a long time.”

“you were together for a long time,” remus argued.

you signed through your nose. “not as long as i wanted.”

“i’m sorry.” you turned your head away from him so that you were facing forward again, your chin resting on your arms.

“s’not your fault, remus.”

“i know.”

the two of you stayed silent for a long, drawn out moment. it was exactly what you needed. you were tired, both emotionally and physically, and needed a long, long nap. maybe one that lasted until graduation. you didn’t feel like crying anymore, which was an unpleasant surprise, considering you’d just broken up with the boy you thought you’d be spending the rest of your life with. you realized now how daft you’d been, thinking you’d spend the rest of your life with sirius black.

you wanted to cry, because anything was better than the heavy feeling of being hollow with the lack of tears. with the lack of sirius.

you turned back to face remus. “hey rem?”

“hmm?”

“do i - i mean, is it over with? did the . . . did the spell wear off?”

remus didn’t answer, and instead flushed a bright shade of red.

“remus?”

“i - i don’t know if it wore off or not . . .”

“what?” you asked, incredulous. “how could you not know? what, are you immune to it or something? that sounds pretty bloody impossible, but i’m sure if i asked flitwick he’d tell me about some far-off case of wizards or muggles who charms like the beautification one are ineffective on.”

remus shook his head, still beet red. “it’s not . . . it’s not that the charm doesn’t work on me . . .”

“then what is it?” you thought back to earlier that afternoon when you’d looked at your reflection in the dorm room mirror. “if you aren’t immune to it, it’d be pretty clear if the spell’d worn off. y’know, no blurred edges, no shifting facial features or body parts.”

remus turned his body away from you to look up the staircase. “i suppose your hair was a bit darker than usual.”

you scoffed. “oh, come on, remus. that would mean -”

“i saw you.”

you blinked at him a few times, taken aback. but once the implication of his words began to sink in, you put your hands against the floor and pushed yourself up straighter, as if the new position would allow you to understand. it didn’t, but remus continued anyway.

“your hair had been just a little bit darker. er, has,” he corrected, continuing to look straight ahead. “and sometimes, your eyes have a bright amber in them or some dark, dark brown, but . . . but i can still tell it’s you. other than that, you . . .” remus’ head fell back against the side of the stairwell and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he opened them again and turned to look at you. when he did, you could see that his eyes were glossed over by unshed tears.

“. . . you still look like you.”

you didn’t say anything at first. you couldn’t find the right words. but when you did, they were: “so that means . . . that means that i - that you?”

remus chuckled dryly and rolled his head straight so that he could look up at the ceiling above you. “yes, n/n. it means that i have a crush on you.” and then, more absentmindedly: “i think you’re the most beautiful person in the world, y/n.”

“oh.”

“yeah, should have expected that,” remus said, and sighed.

“expected what?”

he closed his eyes again. “that response.”

you looked at remus, at his beautiful side profile, at the scars that littered his face. looking at your best friend was much easier for you to do when he had his eyes closed, because then it didn’t feel like he knew you were looking.

when you’d gotten your fill of looking, you scooted yourself closer to him and leaned your head on his shoulder. the action surprised remus, not enough to make him jolt, but enough to make him open his eyes and peer down at you. you knew he was looking, and when you moved your head to look up at him, your faces were incredibly close. you sat up a little straighter.

remus spent the time being so close to your face glancing between your eyes and your lips, so it was no real surprise to you when he asked, “can i kiss you?”

part of you wanted to say yes, because remus was sweet and kind and handsome, and he cared about you immensely. the rest of you knew, though, that letting remus kiss you when you’d just broken up with someone wouldn’t be fair to him. or you.

“not . . . not yet,” you told him, though you stretched up to place a soft kiss to his cheek anyway. “i still need some time, remus.”

remus hardly even seemed to register what you said, he was so busy dreamily gazing into your eyes, but nodded anyway. “yeah,” he said, and he sounded breathless. “yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you want, n/n.”

you smiled up at him, and then put your head back onto his shoulder, slipping your arm around him as well. remus laid his head on yours and put his arm around your back, and for the first time since you’d been in the library earlier that afternoon, you were truly content. you knew it would take a long while and a lot of work before you could truly get over sirius, but you also knew that with remus by your side, you would get there eventually.

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ficsandcatsandficsandcats · 5 years ago

Note

I have an idea, could you do #48 fluff w/ Jaksier? The reader has been really moody lately and crying over everything then being hurt since they dont understand she's on her period. And one day the 3 of them stay at an inn & jaskier orders her food cause she went to take care of business and when she comes back she throws a fit since he got her order wrong? I know that's a lot but could you make it work? Please and thank you lol

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Jaskier x ReaderWord Count: 1,305Rating: T for swearingTaglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock a/n: I have never been more physically, mentally, or emotionally prepared to write a fic in my life. I feel you and I see you and we will get through this, @kennahbunny.

“We’ll be passing by Willock afternoon. We can get a warm meal and then be on our way before it gets dark,” Geralt said. You’d been journeying for a week now. The first four days were alright but on the fifth you’d woken up covered in blood. You wished it was from an ambush but tragically it was just your courses which usually came with fair warning but not this time. You’d been able to wash in the river and change and the men you traveled with were none the wiser but it was getting harder to hide the pain. Jaskier had asked a few times if you were alright when he caught you wincing or pressing a hand to your side and you’d successfully waved him off so far. The chance of staying at an inn, getting a proper bath and rest and, gods willing, a warm meal, was one you couldn’t afford to pass up.

“Let’s stay,” you said. Jaskier looked up from his lute in surprise as Geralt looked down at you from Roach, a similar expression on his face. You never spoke up or suggested different plans, always trusting Geralt to guide you through it. You’d hoped the fact that you were usually so lasses-faire would work in your favor.

“We have to keep going if we want to make sure we get to Posada in time,” Geralt said, and then turned back towards the road. Roach halted, hearing the sound before Geralt did. A sniff. And then, seconds later, another. Geralt turned back around and looked at you, your head bowed and the hood obscuring your face. But he saw the tear fall onto the front of your cloak and he sighed heavily.

“Y/N are you alright?” Jaskier asked, reaching out a hand to touch your arm comfortingly. You snatched your arm away and bit out a “I’m fine” and started marching ahead determinedly.

“We can stop in Willock,” Geralt said. He didn’t know why you were crying or what was going on, but he was smart enough not to question it. “One night won’t put us too far behind.”

When you didn’t say anything Jaskier piped up, “Oh that’s excellent! I for one am exhausted and a night at a proper inn will do wonders for my morale. Not to mention my overall wellbeing.”

You walked the rest of the way to Willock in silence and when you walked through the doors of the inn you’d be staying at you felt hopeful.

“Jaskier, I’ll be right back but could you please order me potato soup, brioche, and a strawberry tart,” you said before hurrying off to the privy. When you returned Geralt was still in the stables with Roach but Jaskier sat at the table, waving you over.

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” He asked as you took your seat gingerly.

“I’m just tired,” you said, giving him a reassuring smile.

“You’ve looked a bit pale. You would tell me if you were sick, right?” he persisted.

“Yes Jaskier, I promise,” you replied, “There is nothing abnormal going on.”

Before he could press further your food arrived.

“Stew,” you said.

“Yeah that’s what you wanted right? Stew and bread and, oh damn I forgot that last thing…”

The pain and stress and frustration of the last three days came to a boil as you watched him nonchalantly shrug and move to eat his food, glancing back up at you when he felt your burning glare.

“I said soup. Potato soup. Soup with potatoes. And brioche. And a strawberry fucking tart.”

Jaskier froze bent over his bowl, a spoonful of steaming stew halfway to his lips. He had seen terrors untold but he had never seen anything like the way you looked at him.

“I’m sorry but it is… soup, yes?” he offered. You laughed and Jaskier recoiled from the sound. It was a biting laugh, incredulous and angry and filled him with uncertainty of what was going to happen next.

“You had one job, Julian,” you said, your voice low and dangerous, “You. Had. One. Job.”

“I can see if they have-”

You were on your feet and moving off to the room before he could finish his sentence, your anger ebbing into despair. It was a stupid thing to be mad about, you knew that deep down, but you wanted this one thing and he didn’t even seem to care. You threw the door closed behind you but it caught on Jaskier’s outstretched arm as he followed you, his concern for you just barely outweighing his survival instincts begging him to stay back.

“Right, something is wrong and I’m not leaving here until you tell me what it is,” Jaskier demanded, hands on his hips as he regarded you severely. When you turned around to face him he saw your eyes were red and puffy and tears streamed down your face. His face went ashen and you watched the anger melt off of him in an instant.

“Why are you crying?” he asked, moving closer.

“Because I’m fucking bleeding, Jaskier, is that what you want to hear?”

“No! Of course not! Where?? I’ll get Geralt!” Jaskier sputtered, wheeling to run after the witcher as you grabbed his arm to stop him. That was the last thing you needed, Geralt finding out.

“Jaskier it’s my bloody courses. No pun intended,” you explained. He stopped and turned back to face you. You waited for a look of disgust to overcome him or for him to recoil from your touch but instead a dawning realization showed on his face.

“Oh Y/N, dearest, of course,” he said, “Oh I’m so stupid.”

You usually would have chastised him for saying that but you felt no such urge to do so currently. He pulled you into a hug that you entered at first begrudgingly but then burrowed your face into his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist as he held you tight, rocking you slightly in a way that should have felt silly but was actually rather soothing. Too soon he pulled back and gave you a determined look.

“Right. We’ll handle this. First of all, we are not leaving in the morning, we will wait until it is done,” he said.

“But Geralt-”

“I will handle Geralt,” Jaskier said in a tone so commanding you nearly swooned. “I don’t know how you usually manage this but I think you should slip into something more comfortable while I find you some potato soup, bread, and something sweet. I will then bring it back here to you where I will either stay to keep you company or leave you to eat in peace.”

“That sounds nice,” you said. Jaskier gave you a smile and then hurried out the door. He made it halfway to the bar when Geralt stopped him, a tray in hand.

“Ah yes Geralt, just who I needed to find,” Jaskier said, pulling himself up to his full height, “We are not going anywhere for the next 24 hours.”

“I know,” Geralt said simply.

“Right! Good! Well! That… is all!” Jaskier said, taken aback, and moved to head back to the bar when Geralt stopped him with a free hand.

“Take this to Y/N,” he said, holding out the tray that held a bowl of potato soup, a beautiful looking golden roll, and a bright red strawberry tart.

“How did you know?” Jaskier asked.

“Hmm,” Geralt answered.

“Well why don’t you take it to her then?”

“She doesn’t want me to know. But I’m assuming you forced her to tell you,” Geralt replied. Jaskier took the tray from Geralt’s hand.

“Well, regardless, thank you. I’ll make sure she gets it. You big softie,” Jaskier muttered the last words under his breath and hurried back towards you before Geralt could respond.

#kennahbunny #jaskier x reader #jaskier imagines #reader request

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billie-ford · 4 years ago

Text

The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be

“I am going to beat the holy fuck, fucking, fuckity fuck outta one of you sorry fucks.”

Those crude words had been the last Billie had heard before looking between her family; kneeling in the hard gravel, sweating, illuminated by the yellow head lights of the heavy duty trucks surrounding them and shaking from the unrelenting cold. It was the cold - or it was the fear. Billie had given Maggie her coat, but even the fur lined denim couldn’t seize the quake of terror in her bones. Her eyes, wide and glossy, didn’t follow the man as he paced in front of her group, only catching the reflective glint of barbed wire as he passed her by. She wanted to look at him. To square her shoulders like the ginger brute to her left and stare with an unwavering anger before standing, fighting them all off like the hero in all of those action movies.

But she wasn’t their hero. And she was so, so scared.

His pacing continued, his boots kicked gravel into their laps and he waved his weapon of choice frivolously while uttering:

“Eenie, meenie, miney, mo..”

Maggie, hunched over in pain, searched the gravel to her left. Her hand found Billie’s and she gave it a tight squeeze, somewhere between fear and comfort. She heaved and whimpered, snot and hot tears and sweat dampened every inch of her face and the hand she so desperately grabbed was an anchor to keep her from completely doubling over - preparing herself for the worst. They were out here for her, warranting her safety, now she couldn’t ensure theirs.

“-and you...are...it.”

The rapid beating of her heart reached her ears, blocking out all other sounds as if she were suddenly thrusted underwater, hands around her throat. Drowning and choking. It was heartbreak she was feeling. Maggie gripped her hand tighter and her breath drew sharply.

“You can breathe. You can blink. You can cry. Hell, you’re all gonna be doing that.”

The first crack of bat on skull met her ear. So vivid and echoing that she questioned if she had been the one to receive the blow. But as the blood splattered on her clothes, on her sweat soaked skin, and she listened to the repeating squelch of brain matter and cracking skull she felt nothing but dread. Unfortunately, she was not the one taking the blows. Now she had to watch as her older brother’s head was beaten into an unrecognizable pulp.

1991

Little feet stomped along the carpeted hallway from the stairs to the dead end. “Abraham? Are you awake?” The seven year old’s shaky voice couldn’t have been louder than a mouse as she knocked carefully on her older brother’s bedroom door. Another sharp crack of thunder caused the child to yelp, banging on the door this time and yelling his name.

The door creaked and with a hand scratching at his curly red fro, Abraham was half awake and staring down at his kid sister. The paper she had taped to his door within the year said it all - B.F.G.

He was looming - all six foot two of him - but his smile was soft, and as another crack of thunder startled the child he guided her into the room and let her bury herself beneath his multitude of quilts.

“Aren’t you too old to be scared of thunderstorms, pup?”

He was already in bed, eyes closed and half muffled by his pillow before she could unveil herself from the quilt. She wormed her way in the crook of his arm and laid staring at the shadows that danced on the ceiling, her arms crossed evasively. “No..”

“What’s so bad ‘bout ‘em anyways? I think they’re calming..”

“It’s so quiet..then it’s so loud. Like scary movies.” She wasn’t a big fan of scary movies.

“You shouldn’t be watching scary movies.” “But I watch them with you.” “Well I ain’t your daddy.”

Another crack. Despite his teasing, Abraham’s arm instinctively tightened around his little sister and a calloused paw - good for catching a football or starting fights with the other college students - stroked her wild curls.

“I would beat those storms up if I could, ya know. And I’d tell ‘em Big Bad Billie sent me. Maybe I’d let you get a good few kicks in too.” This got a smile from the child. She believed him.

“I wish you could always be around..”

Abraham sat up, his head in his hand and frowned down at the child who glowed dark blue in the moonlight. There was a melancholic air to her naturally, perplexing for someone her age, and that cloud of sadness only seemed to grow heavier with the days counting down to his return to campus. He could see it now; their father holding the back of her shirt tightly as he pulled out of the driveway in his beat up hand-me-down truck. She’d scream and cry and kick and eventually break away from his grasp before running after the truck yelling over and over, “take me with you! just take me too!”

He would just have to keep driving or else his rain cloud would burst too.

“I’m always here for you, pup. Even when I ain’t here.” “That doesn’t make sense.”

He chuckled. “I mean I ain’t never gonna leave you forever. Think about it; I’m only gone for a few weeks until the next break then I’m right back here. When I am gone I call you every night. I send you those little cards from campus. When I’m gone, off to school or work, I’m always thinkin’ aboutcha. When I come home I don’t leave your side. You know I’m always here for you, pup. That means I’ll always protect ya. You know that right?”

“Yeah..” “Y’know you’re tough too right?” “Guess so..” “Betchu didn’t even notice the storm died out.”

Like a dog hearing the mailman she perked up and looked outside. No thunder, no lightning, not even a sprinkle of rain. The trees now danced slowly with the wind and a branch just beyond the glass waved at her lazily. “I didn’t even hear it stop..”

“‘Cause you ain’t all that scared. It’s just all in your head, pup.” “Can I still sleep in here then?” “Well yeah. Or less you done woke me up for nothin’.”

Dawn had broke more than an hour ago. The truck was filled with uneasy silence. Faces were dried with blood and tears and breaths were ragged. Sasha sat in the back seat, stroking Maggie’s still damp hair as her head rested, exhausted, in her lap. All three women were emotionally and physically drained. Sasha stared blankly at the back of Billie’s head, every so often attempting to open her mouth and speak but the only sound that managed to come out was a strangled gasp. She drove in stunned silence. Never looking at the two women in the back seat. Her muscles looked lack, spent, as she loosely gripped the steering wheel and her tired eyes brimmed with sadness while focusing on the road ahead. At least she looked to be focused, Sasha had grown use to the far away look that overcame Billie from time to time; when she had switched into autopilot and let her muscle memory guide her to where she needed to be.

“How are you?” Sasha finally croaked after what felt like hours of silence.

“No better than you.”

Sasha had only been dating Abraham for a handful of months, but she had known him for much longer. Loved him for much longer. She loved him like she had known him her whole life and in terms of before and after - she almost did. In his final moments, she had been the only one to receive his recognition - maybe Billie too - but Sasha wouldn’t look away. Only until she had to. Only when the sound of his brutal death made her lunch churn in her stomach and rise to her throat did she find the gravel beneath her. A simple hand gesture, a trademark peace sign, was all Abraham had to send one last goodbye to the two he loved the most.

“Are you going back?” “I have to make sure Maggie’s a’right first.” “What about Rosita?” “She has the others.”

Sasha fell quiet with a nod. Billie was lost, that much she could see. That thousand yard stare usual came with a silent racking of her brain. She didn’t say another word the entire drive, turning her attention back to Maggie who was now looking up at her through half-lidded eyes.

“You were out...out here for me.” “We still are.”

Billie followed Maggie on wobbly legs. She was sobbing, Billie’s last statement only making it worse. She reached out for her, her hand brushed off as Maggie kneeled in front of what remained of her husband, the father of her unborn child. Glenn Rhee. The pizza boy that convinced Billie to join him and his group when she was on her own.

She owed him everything.

“I can make it now, I need you to go back. I can’t have you out here - I can’t have you all out here I need you to go back.”

Billie crouched down beside her, hands squeezing comfort into her trembling shoulders. “I’m not leaving you out here alone,” her voice cracked. “I’m here for you. We’re all here for you.”

Billie hurt for Maggie. Maggie hurt for Billie. They hurt for everyone and everyone hurt for them.

“I’m taking them. I’m taking you too.”

Hilltop opened their gates upon recognizing the face behind the wheel of the pickup. Looks of confusion morphed to frowns of sorrow when Billie emerged from the truck, revealing the headless bodies laid in the bed with the simple muttering of, Negan.

She assisted Sasha in bringing Maggie to her feet and led her further into the compound. “Get her to Carson.” Billie croaked. “You go with her, Sash. Make sure she has a familiar face to wake up to.”

“What about them-” “I’ll handle it. Please go.”

She was apprehensive, staring at Billie with worry and only beginning her trek to the infirmary when Maggie’s weight slumped over on her. “Anything we can do to help?” A number of Hilltop members surrounded her. Those who have been so kind to them all, dead and alive, before this.

“Show me where I can bury them.

#the day will come when you wont be #chapter one #writing #fanfiction #twd #oc #billie ford #abraham ford #sasha williams #maggie rhee

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