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What happen with sodachi fiasco?

It has been a billion years, I know, but I genuinely believed Vertical would start releasing Off Season after Zoku Owari, so I didn't see much of a point in continuing my revision of it.

I started this blog when I was 22 and had no idea where my life was going, but now I'm 29 and things have obviously not taken me in the direction of translation. That said, I basically owe my life to Monogatari and specifically Sodachi, so I really want to continue my revised translation of Sodachi Fiasco eventually. I haven't given up on it—I'm just super busy these days. Eventually, I promise...

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Sodachi Sisterhood

A short story by Nisioisin in Sodachi's perspective that was included in a Monogatari booklet released for Animate stores in December 2021.

“’Sup, Sodachi-nee-san! Your little-sister-in-spirit Tsukihi-chan has brought emergency supplies to enrich your quarantine life, how about that!?”

I was already struggling with the adjustment to remote classes during this stay-home period mandated by the state of emergency declaration, to the point where I was seriously considering taking time off from school, and my one and only solace was that the resident of the neighboring apartment a.k.a. a rabid dog (or rather, “Ararabid” dog) of a stalker had returned home. Nevertheless, before I had time to relax, the natural enemy that is his little sister had pressed her attack without so much as a call in advance, and was relentlessly knocking on my door—in response I had pretended with all my might to be away from home, and after about an hour of holding out the knocking finally stopped. However, just as my heart stopped racing, I heard the sound of the wooden door being quite literally blasted into smithereens.

“Oh, so you are home, Sodachi-nee-san! I could just tell, you know, from our sisterly bond!”

These fragments look dangerous, so I’ll be coming in with my shoes on—said Araragi Tsukihi as she stepped inside without a speck of hesitation, a bulging shopping bag in one hand and a rock (a rock!?) that she apparently used in place of a battering ram to knock down the door in the other. Just what kind of trauma has she gone through to not think twice about smashing the door to someone’s home?

And “sisterly,” huh. I hate the word “bond” for being so suspect to begin with, and you go and add “sisterly” to it?

“There you go again, getting all embarrassed. It’s fine, I understand, Sodachi-nee-san. Hey, we’re practically like sisters, aren’t we? We were such good friends when we were little. I can give you written evidence of that, if you like.”

It’s true that there was an extremely brief period of time when I was taken into the custody of the Araragi family when I was in elementary school, but she and I were not particularly good friends—at the very least not good enough friends for her to invade my house SWAT-style.

“Staying home is important, but so is proper ventilation. Let’s get rid of this stagnant air, shall we?”

She says, while brandishing a rock… Maybe this is actually a crime scene? A masked intruder did just break into my house wielding a deadly weapon. The sudden appearance of a character who would never appear in “Day to Day”(1) had me trembling with fear. Her gloves started seeming less like a safety measure and more like a way to conceal fingerprints.

“I was rather concerned about the possibility that you had perished in the throes of these turbulent times. As they say, better be a lawbreaker than have to call an undertaker. This was an emergency rescue during the state of emergency. Don’t worry; I’m only a high schooler, they can’t charge me for any crimes.”

Surely no country on Earth grants high schoolers that level of carte blanche. Paying no heed to my comment, however, Tsukihi-chan continued expanding her zone of control, saying, “I’m going to borrow the kitchen, okay? I’m also going to use whatever’s in the fridge, okay?” The fact that she kept asking permission for every little thing annoyed me. Her shopping bag seemed to be primarily full of ingredients, so I supposed the bit about bringing emergency supplies wasn’t just a lie to excuse her breaking and entering. I could make out toilet paper and masks, too. And yet… speaking of high schoolers, hadn’t high school resumed already?

“I took the liberty of skipping school today. Sodachi-nee-san, you’re totes more important.”

How laid-back.

She’s not saying anything about being happy school was back in session, or about how she has a newfound appreciation for the everyday act of attending… Peer pressure must lose all meaning in the face of this girl. I may play at being an independent punk in normal times, but being isolated by this pandemic had my mental health in dire straits—this girl was the opposite. Talk about discovering new modes of living, she wasn’t even following the law. I wanted to ask her what part of being an ally of justice involved breaking so many rules.

“This is justice itself, Sodachi-nee-san. I’m not breaking the rules. What I’m doing transcends the idea of ‘following rules’ altogether.”

Huh? What does that even mean?

“For instance, take this shopping bag I brought with me. These have been scapegoated as part of the microplastics problem, and starting this July we’re going to have to pay for them, right?”

That’s true. Is she trying to say that plastic bags statistically make up less than a few percent of microplastics, so doing away with them won’t help solve the overall issue?

“It’s important to start building from small things—they are “micro”-plastics, after all. But if I had to say something negative about turning down plastic bags to help the environment, it’s that if you think that brand-name bottled water and prepackaged food you stuff into your ecologically friendly personal bag aren’t using any plastic, you’ve got a big misunderstanding on your hands.”

…I see. That is rather negative.

Not something you’d find in a collection of quotes.

I’m not the type who thinks that much about the environment, but speaking of shopping, I feel like those receipts that get automatically printed could have a negative impact when they start piling up, too, regardless of whether you take them or not.

“What would really solve the problem is if someone discovered a cheap plastic that would decompose within a month. It’s natural to be thankful for essential workers and medical staff. But if you want to do something beyond thanking them, then you need to become one yourself. Actually, I’ve taken the opportunity to change my intended course of study to medical school. I want to contribute to vaccine development in the future.”

Scary… She’s talking about going to medical school while skipping classes as naturally as breathing. I hope she changes her mind soon. On the other hand, I could tell that she probably would have barged over here even if I’d been self-isolating due to illness.

“Thinking about what I could do right now, I applied for a job working the register at a convenience store, but I got rejected at the interview. Your other little-sister-in-spirit, Karen-chan, made use of her natural stamina and started working deliveries. She does a hundred in a day.”

In that case, I’d have preferred to receive these emergency supplies from Karen-chan… well, that girl may very well have smashed the door too, let alone the windows; she might have knocked down a wall.

“I considered running for office when I turn 25, but I’m sure the state of emergency will be lifted by then.”

Becoming part of the system that makes laws would certainly “transcend the idea of following rules”—it also transcends the idea of breaking them. In any case, I was glad the interviewer at the convenience store had a sharp eye.

She’s really something, isn’t she. She’d never worry that her own life and existence were nonessential; in a world where the things people can do are getting more and more restricted, she’s finding more things to do than before. Well, Tsukihi-chan’s perspective is a bit extreme, but there are a lot of people like her in the world. So this is no time for me to be depressed—nor should I be coasting on the joy of being free from my stalker for a little while.

There must be something. Something I can do.

“Staying at home and maintaining self-respect are important too. Which is why, until now, I’d been looking after and playing with some elementary schoolers close to where my parents work. But now that schools have reopened, I have some spare time, so I decided to look after you next, Sodachi-nee-san.”

Nadeko-chan’s gone off to the city, so I’ve had motherliness to spare, Tsukihi-chan said. So she came to deliver emergency supplies just to kill time? And, motherliness? That’s not a word I’m very fond of. I had heard Nadeko-chan made it to Tokyo, though… hmph.

So she didn’t come at Araragi’s request.

“Onii-chan seems to be occupied by something on a much larger scale than what I’m doing.”

I would believe it. Both brother and sister are afflicted by an illness where they die if they’re not looking after someone. If there really were such a disease, I hope they spread it.

As we were talking, I cleaned up the fragments of the door using packing tape (I’d rather not mention this, but I’m good at this type of work, thanks to my beloved parents), and was wondering where I might buy an explosion-proof door, when Tsukihi-chan finished making a pleasant-looking dish with the leftovers in my fridge and the ingredients she brought. Dividing her attention between cooking and looking after me, she really is a clever girl.

But, hm? Isn’t this way too much food? She did use up all the leftovers—maybe she’s being environmentally conscious by making so much that I wouldn’t have to go out and buy lunches for a while?

“No, that’s not it. I made enough for four people.”

Four people? Tsukihi-chan and I make two—who are the other two?

“One for Onii-chan, and one for Karen-chan. I’ll be taking theirs and mine home with me. It may be difficult for us to eat together, but it’s important to eat from the same pot regardless.”

We’ll just have to pretend Onii-chan is eating with us, Tsukihi-chan added. As progressive as she is, sometimes she can be rather old-fashioned. Come to think of it, she did like kimono and such, didn’t she.

“That said, Sodachi-nee-san. If you do start feeling unwell, the Araragi house is always open to you. Since we’re family, there’s no need for me to dirty my hands.”

I will await your return with open windows and alcohol-based disinfectant.

Hearing that, I… I smiled wryly. Standing in an apartment that was now much better ventilated.

After all, faced with the blinding light of a high schooler who still had all the rash and wild recklessness that Araragi and I had long since lost, what else could I do but smile?

Footnotes

(1) “Day to Day” is a series of 100 short stories published by Kodansha on the theme of life during the 2020 quarantine. One story is written by Nisioisin. The entire series has been translated into English here.

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Jinrui Saikyou no Netsuai - Chapter 11

From Jinrui Saikyou no Jun'ai by Nisioisin

[Previous Chapter]

Words are funny things—sometimes they lose strength through emphasis. Simple example: saying something’s “super amazing” is less powerful than just “amazing.” Shortening “sadist” and “masochist” to “ultra-S” and “ultra-M” makes the words less weighty, and saying you’re “platinum mad” might sound like you’re not actually that angry. On the other hand, saying “simply cannot” makes the sense of denial stronger compared to just saying “cannot.” Basically, if you’re not careful with your emphasis, you could end up sounding real funny. Nevertheless, I have no doubt that Doctor Kitsuregawa’s final experiment, the “Lamp of the Destitute,” was such a breakthrough that you could hardly begin to describe it even with all the emphatic expressions in the world. Call this a paradigm shift, huh… When a true advance in technology or a revolutionary way of thinking turns all of the accepted truths up ‘til that point into nothing but rotting floorboards—into deprecated, useless tech. It’s hard to say whether this experiment’s success was evidence of the power of Doctor Kitsuregawa’s mad-scientist antics, or, to put it mildly, his eccentricity coming to bear (even that “Closet” space suit might have been adopted by space agencies around the world, but it’ll never be the normal standard—I’m sure that would be pretty unprofitable), but it can’t be denied that the “Lamp of the Destitute” and the gaseous life form “Flare” had the power not only to overturn the world as we know it, but also to force humanity out of its position at the top of the evolutionary tree. Well, maybe I have to deny that. If I accepted it, then humanity—and, of course, humanity’s strongest—would lose all meaning; we’d be like abacuses after the arrival of calculators, like LDs after the arrival of DVDs and BDs. Unable to coexist, or rather, lacking a constructive reason to coexist—

“Now, then. I believe most everything should probably be left unsaid at this point—however, quite frankly, Aikawa Jun, I must say I have a rather inconsistent impression of you.”

Inconsistent? After we’d returned to the dining room, she got all standoffish again, and surprised me with that.

“Matsuri has a different opinion, I’m sure, but you seem more… decent than I expected. That is the impression I have of you so far. Yet on the other hand, you seem to be in a much closer position to Doctor Kitsuregawa than me, his rightful successor. I am struggling to decide how to interpret this.”

You’re being pretty damn straightforward and honest with me, aren’t you. But, for my part, I think both of your opinions are true. Well, me being “more decent” than you expected is going to depend on your definition of “decent”—but me being in a close position to Doctor Kitsuregawa is something I’ve been feeling even since I got here.

“So, you understand, then? About the gaseous life form, Flare… We often call it nicknames like ‘Flay’ and ‘Flame,’ but in any case, you understand the significance of the new type of life. And what we are hesitating to do.”

Life form, huh. Scientifically speaking, the definition of life is complicated—the easiest definition is “having the ability to reproduce,” but that could mean computer viruses and worms were alive. You could also say that flames have the power to reproduce themselves; fires spread, catch, and whatnot; it’s tricks of verbiage.

“…Doctor Kitsuregawa—”

The next to speak was Shimegiwa Matsuri.

“—When he remodeled my arm, this is what he said: ‘We should not seek the future of humanity—we should seek what comes after humanity.’ That might be what Flare is. Thinking about it like that, I don’t think I have the right to carelessly do anything with it.”

Hmph. That’s a stiff turn of phrase he used, but to put it another way, he might as well have said, ‘Humanity has gotten old, so let’s exchange it for something new’—just like he exchanged his own body and personality. He essentially tried to bring about the end of humanity; it’s a different approach to apocalypse than Omokage Magokoro, Humanity’s End. I wonder why that old alchemist never got along with my fathers. The normal world is under the impression that a life form to supplant humanity could never come to be, because humanity’s scientific and technological progress has outsped natural evolution. But if that scientific and technological progress itself gave rise to “what comes after”…

“At this point I do not think it necessary, but allow me to go over the outline just in case. I do need to fulfill my duty of explanation, after all, as the second-generation Doctor Kitsuregawa. The ‘Lamp of the Destitute’ is an experiment in producing life beyond humanity—the purpose of creating me, a homunculus, was ‘to make a human using non-human parts,’ and Matsuri’s was about ‘turning the human body into vaporous form.’ Flare, then, is the result of instilling a superior life force into a gaseous body created using non-human materials. You are free to take the word ‘superior’ at face value here.”

Hmm. In other words, it’s “better” than a human’s, huh. If it weren’t, there’d be no reason to hesitate about continuing the research. Ultimately, that’s what this is all about. Second-generation Doctor Kitsuregawa, Hotsure-chan, and Shimegiwa are asking me what to do about the “Lamp of the Destitute,” without considering potential value. I doubt anyone could say they were just kids and cast them aside. After all, no adult could fully appreciate its value, either—depending on what happens next, it could very well put an end to human history, and that’s no exaggeration.

“Of course, that would be the worst-case scenario. But it is by no means a small possibility… Since you are the arbiter of strength, perhaps you have a better understanding of the power of a being capable of existing in gaseous form?”

I’m not the god of strength or whatever, you know… Well, thinking of my fight with Shimegiwa, I guess she’s right. I’ve casually shoved my right hand in my pocket, but this arm is still burned to a crisp—if the rule hadn’t been “whoever falls first loses,” I don’t know how I’d have ended up. …Hotsure-chan. The ‘Lamp of the Destitute’ isn’t stuck, is it? If you wanted to, you could continue the research, right?

“……”

The lack of response was response enough.

“What would you do, Aikawa Jun?”

Shimegiwa sounded like he was trying to back Hotsure-chan up. Well, judging from that defiant look, maybe Shimegiwa didn’t think the ‘Lamp of the Destitute’ was as dangerous as Hotsure-chan did. Me? What would I do, huh… I wonder. There’s an answer I could give you, but I don’t think it’s all that important in the current situation. After all, isn’t it up to second-generation Doctor Kitsuregawa, Hotsure-chan, to decide in the end? It’s hard for me to butt in. Or is your commission actually for me to determine whether this research is in the right or not? I’m not your professor, you know.

“Of course not. I am not trying to force the responsibility onto you. All responsibilities are mine, not simply the duty of explanation. As his second generation, I have undertaken that much from Doctor Kitsuregawa. It is only that… I am not as decisive as he was.”

Or maybe, you can’t get rid of that little thorn in your heart. Well, it was downright miraculous that the first-generation Doctor Kitsuregawa maintained his mental balance at all, so asking his second generation to come to the same decision, the exact same decision as he would have made, would be a pretty unreasonable demand. …If you have doubts, you have the option to abandon the research, don’t you? This was a question I didn’t need to ask, but as someone undertaking a job, it’s a question I wanted to ask anyway—I wanted to hear the answer from Hotsure-chan’s mouth. I wanted to hear her response. If you truly believe that the creation of this new life is bad news, then you should take your senses of ethics and crisis avoidance and smash that flask to pieces, no? If it’s just a candle in the wind.

“…That is something… I do not think… I am able to do.”

It was not an instantaneous answer, nor was it an assertive one—but, it was an answer with a firmness of will. However, it was not for the reasons I expected, like ‘this is the destiny of a scientist,’ or ‘even if it’s dangerous, I can’t discard such valuable research,’ or ‘I can’t let the efforts of first-generation Doctor Kitsuregawa go to waste.’

“Because—to take its life would just be too cruel, wouldn’t it?”

[mirroredtranslations]

say me that you are live, please

I am alive, in case anyone was worried! I’ll try to finish my open project eventually, but I am currently way too busy to do any translating. Many apologies.

[mirroredtranslations]

Kubikiri Cycle OVA - Volume 4 Character Commentary

As a gift for a friend, I translated the character commentary in Volume 4 of the Kubikiri Cycle OVA between Aikawa Jun (CV Kaida Yuuko) and Ishimaru Kouta (CV Asano Masumi). You can find a link to the subtitle file below, which you can watch in Aegisub or mux yourself. 

Keep in mind, however, if you downloaded a version of the OVA with English fansubs, chances are you don’t have the commentary audio track, so you’ll need to download one that has the commentary such as the VCB-Studio raws. 

Link to .ass file

The font is Franklin Gothic Demi, which usually comes preinstalled with Windows.

The names of several characters who appear in Nisioisin’s books are mentioned, but there are no spoilers.

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Jinrui Saikyou no Honeymoon

The epilogue of Jinrui Saikyou no Sweetheart.

“Hello there, dear friend. Going out, are we? You’ve packed your bags, I see. Quite sublime. Where are you off to save the world this time?”

Don’t follow me; this is private. Worked myself too hard lately after everyone was giving me the cold shoulder, so I’m taking a little break. I haven’t decided on a destination yet, but for now I think I’ll just take a stroll around the neighborhood. Maybe Australia.

“Surely Australia isn’t part of your neighborhood. Although, you have traveled to the moon; I suppose even the furthest reaches of this planet are simply around the corner for you… Even so, quite sublime, this humanity’s strongest midlife crisis of yours. Please, upload some koala pictures to Instagram.”

Koala? Wow, I didn’t know there was a scenic location by that name in Oceania. I’ve been to places like Sydney and Canberra and Darwin before, but I’ve never been to a place called Koala.

“Y-you don’t know what a koala is? How have you lived your life in perpetual avoidance of koalas, my dear friend… I’m certain you’ve at least seen one somewhere. You know, the animal with the grey fur…”

Only animal with grey fur I know is the grizzly bear. Wait… is “kangaroo” the name of an animal or the name of an island?

“It happens to be both… By the way, ‘Darwin’ is a person, my dear friend.”

Don’t worry, I know all about Darwin. I’m the pinnacle of evolution, after all.

“‘Humanity’s strongest’ is less the pinnacle of evolution and more a digression, dear friend. One might even say ‘impasse,’ or ‘dead end.’ To be quite honest, if you don’t know about koalas, there is no point in living, no matter how strong you may be.”

Is it really that big of a deal? Guess I’ve got no choice; I’ll bring one back for you as a souvenir.

“Definitely do not do that. That would become a major diplomatic issue. It would even take the smile off a quokka’s face.”

For a quokka to stop smiling, it’d have to be pretty important. Especially to get a master thief to stop talking like one.

“Why do you know about quokkas?”

I’ve always admired them; they’re the world’s most cheerful animals. I don’t think it takes any meaning away from me being strongest, but it’s pretty great to be the happiest.

“You’re more like the Tasmanian devil, my dear friend. They’re also in danger of going extinct.”

Humanity on the whole’s in danger of going extinct. That’s less observation and more resignation. Don’t single me out. Tell me more about these “koalas”—I’ll need more info if I’m gonna nab one and take it back. Can it fit in a suitcase? From the name, it sounds similar to a gorilla…

“Why are you still intent on this after I told you in no uncertain terms not to do it? And thinking that ‘koala’ and ‘gorilla’ sound alike is something only a person with no knowledge of koalas could do. Koalas eat eucalyptus leaves, my dear friend. By the way, eucalyptus leaves are poisonous.”

Poisonous?

“In addition to being poisonous, they’re also difficult to digest—a hard-to-swallow truth in all respects. By turning a poisonous, nutrient-less plant that nobody wants to eat into their main food source, they’ve escaped from the survival struggle. Just like the descendants of dinosaurs that escaped that struggle by flying into the sky. A far cry from that far-away woman who’s become ‘strongest’ through constant fighting.”

‘Far-away woman’… Your dear friend is right in front of you. I’ll kill you.

“Killing a friend is not in the least bit amicable. Please, go have a koala heal your belligerent soul. I’ve heard there are still some cities where you can hug them… Actually, I take that back. A gorilla crushing a koala to death would cause quite a major diplomatic problem.

Who are you calling a gorilla? How about I make it our problem, then?

“A newlywed’s vacation is called a ‘honeymoon,’ but perhaps it would be more fitting for humanity’s strongest to call it a ‘honey-earth,’ my dear friend. Before you get banished to the moon again, why not visit all kinds of different cities? You can start with Koaland.”

Oh, I’ll spread my wings wide. I’ll get my fill, even if I have to go through the Earth’s kore.

[mirroredtranslations]

Battle of Wits with the Digital Detective - Chapter 3

Japanese: Aikawa Jun no Shippai, Miss/ion 4: Digital Tantei to no Chiekurabe From Jinrui Saikyou no Tokimeki by Nisio Isin

[Previous Chapter]

“Wha... Did something explode!?”

Kandou had maintained an air of cool composure—or rather, cool derision—all morning, but even she couldn't help being surprised by the flash of light and sound. Nevertheless, Sasa was unable to laugh at her loss of composure.

That was because, as far as losses of composure were concerned, Sasa was equally affected.

What happened?

What on Earth just happened?

“Ahahahahahahahah!”

With neither hesitation nor reservation, the third woman present, Jun Aikawa, broke into a roar of laughter at Kandou's—and perhaps Sasa's—consternation.

“Actually, you know. That wasn't just an explosion, it was a detonation. Someone blew up the underground backup power generator and the electricity cables behind the mansion.”

“S-someone...?”

“Looks like this whole area will be out of power for at least forty-eight hours. They also detonated explosives on the mountain road to cause a landslide, so you can't go down to the foot of the mountain to get more batteries... That laptop of yours will have to rely on the battery you have right now.”

“!”

Kandou seemed to have finally understood the situation, and had managed to recover from her shock.

“W-was this your doing!?”

“Oh, I wonder... Well, I mean, I suppose I can say that this is all totally unrelated to the contest. Which is just to see if your program can properly deduce that I'm the murderer. Right, Sasaki?”

“Y-yes...”

Sasa reflexively confirmed the question, but it wasn't as though she had come as Jun Aikawa's ally. She was simply a neutral observer.

And yet, Sasa had been completely taken in.

Why?

Just what did her friend do?

“B-but... what have you...”

“Well, it's like, the primary weakness of your digital detective. It's digital, so if there's no power, it's totally useless.”

“......!”

So that was the purpose of these... detonations.

She must have made the preparations yesterday. Jun Aikawa certainly had a deep relationship, in various ways, with the Akagami family; all of this could have been easily arranged...

Sasa could readily imagine Jun Aikawa cheerfully, or perhaps excitedly, planting explosives around her friend's house in the middle of the night, and it made her head hurt.

I really should have given up, she thought.

I should have disobeyed the order, even if it meant I got fired.

“D-did you think this would stop Model SH-43? Such an underhanded play?” Kandou glared fiercely at Jun Aikawa. “I'm sorry to tell you, but the battery in this laptop will last at least forty-eight hours. Even if it runs out, there are backup computers in the broadcasting van—”

“I know, I know. Those explosions were just my way of saying hello.”

Jun Aikawa sounded like she was having quite some fun.

She was acting like a total villain.

“If I really wanted to use explosives to decide the contest, I'd blow up the broadcasting van. That said, though, the only reason I didn't was because if I blew up the van, all your henchmen would get blown to bits too.”

It's not like I want to kill anyone, Jun Aikawa said cheekily—after all, she was about to act the part of the murderer.

Looking over, Sasa saw that the smoke rising from behind the mansion was dissipating rapidly. Apparently, the explosive had been set up in such a way as to prevent the spread of fire without needing to be extinguished.

It was certainly not the act of someone who wanted to start a forest fire.

“Well, I mean, if I actually was a criminal plotting a crime, then I'd definitely do something like this to antagonize your digital detective. In the old novels, they'd cut the phone lines a lot, but nowadays you've got to destroy all the power sources. Plus... yeah, you'd probably have to take a hammer or something and smash all the cell phones...”

That's how you could recreate Arashi no Sansou.

Jun Aikawa turned away from Kandou and Sasa and began walking toward the mansion. It really felt like in place of a greeting, she had thrown a preemptive punch.

“......”

Regardless of how reckless she had been with the explosives, the simple fact was that Jun Aikawa loved both theatricality and gunpowder.

A more pragmatic interpretation of her actions might be that she had aimed to jam communications by immersing the mansion in powerful electromagnetic waves.

Perhaps she intended to deal with electronics by using electronics of her own... The detective might be electronic, but it would certainly be unreasonable to expect the criminal to stick to analogue.

As much as the mobile phone had eliminated the Arashi no Sansou scenario, the device could also be utilized in the execution of a crime.

Had she wanted to, Jun Aikawa could probably have decided the contest right then and there...

“Hmph. She's even wilder than the rumors say. She's reckless... or maybe more like a child throwing a tantrum when she doesn't get what she wants. As if she couldn't beat a level in a game, so she pulled out the power cord.”

Kandou did not appear to have pondered Jun Aikawa's actions very far, and simply thought of them as “recklessness”.

Well, that is what anyone would think.

Sasa had simply looked favorably on Jun Aikawa's actions because she was her friend.

As she spoke, Kandou turned off the laptop she was holding and folded it shut, ostensibly to conserve power.

“However, precisely because she represents such an old-fashioned generation, she is quite fitting to be Model SH-43's first opponent.”

…Naturally.

Naturally, in forty-eight hours Taeka Kandou would be forced to retract her statement—rather, she would declare the exact opposite.

That is:

I could have chosen any great criminal mastermind as my enemy, but the one person I should not have made an enemy of is Jun Aikawa.

[mirroredtranslations]

Jinrui Saikyou no Netsuai - Chapter 10

From Jinrui Saikyou no Jun'ai by Nisio Isin

[Previous Chapter]

I'd expected the workshop on the second floor to actually be built like a lab for research and experimentation instead of a private residence, which was technically right, but I couldn't help but be disappointed by the facility—it was compact; if I had to say, the so-called lab looked more like an elementary school cooking classroom. I was downright awestruck that such a small-scale “workshop” had produced so vast an amount of earth-shattering, worldview-shattering research... but even so, I desperately wanted to tell them to get a real facility. What on Earth was that old man thinking? Regardless of what Hotsure-chan said before, I really have no clue what went through first-generation Doctor Kitsuregawa's head. I doubt we'd have much to talk about.

“Here we are.”

Hotsure-chan pointed to a flask atop a tripod on one of the larger tables. A small flame was burning inside it... Oh? I hadn't done any science experiments in a while, so I couldn't say for sure, but I felt like the fire in an alcohol lamp or whatnot heats the flask from underneath, not from the inside, right? This flask was sealed with a rubber stopper, but oxygen seemed to be flowing in through several inserted tubes... Hotsure-chan, is this flame what you called the “Lamp of the Destitute”?

“Indeed. However, 'Lamp of the Destitute' simply refers to the name of the project. Here, I'll introduce you.”

Hotsure-chan spoke as if she were about to introduce a friend—or even a little sister.

“This is a gas-based lifeform—its name is Flare.”(1)

I was taken aback, of course, by the softness of the name and the insanity of the statement. If I hadn't previously promised not to be alarmed, who knows what kind of histrionics I'd have pulled. A “gas-based lifeform”? I looked at Shimegiwa, who was standing in the doorway as if to prevent me from turning tail and running—I looked at his right arm. The boy who could transform his arm into gas and then turn it back to normal, Matsuri Shimegiwa. Then I turned to Hotsure-chan. The homunculus; a child from a test tube. A girl born in a flask—so...?

“Say hello, Flare.”

Without waiting for my reaction, Hotsure-chan faced the flask and began talking to it, speaking to the bright red, blazing fire as though it were a fellow human.

“■ | ■ | □ | ■ | □ | □ .”

Sure enough, a faltering “voice” like computerized musical tones sounded out from inside the flask—I took it to mean “Ni | ce | to | me | et | you”. So with no ruse or pretense, I simply told it “Nice to meet you, too”.

“Your common sense has been turned inside out, has it not? Well, this is part of our common sense. This is the purpose of the final research of the first-generation Doctor Kitsuregawa.” Resignation filled Hotsure-chan's tone of voice. “He strove to create a new lifeform, one superior to humankind. To that end, Grandpa gave life to a flame.”

Matsuri and I were stepping-stones for that end purpose. Hearing that, it finally made sense why she'd sounded so self-deprecating earlier. This felt like the first time since entering this house that something made sense to me. Hotsure-chan: a homunculus produced to find a method to make a human without reproduction, a method to make something out of nothing. Shimegiwa's arm represented the vaporization of living material. If so, then combining those seemingly disparate methods to take them to the next level would naturally lead to the creation of a non-human lifeform. The creation of a lifeform entirely divorced from the evolutionary tree—it could only seem like he was half-jokingly toying with life.

“Half-jokingly? No, it was all a joke to Doctor Kitsuregawa.” Shimegiwa laughed boldly—boldly but also brashly, with a cheerful smile. “I liked that about him.”

Did you, now. But in another view, if you didn't like that about him, you wouldn't be able to put up with him and his personality at all. In that case, maybe Doctor Kitsuregawa's real motives in abandoning his personality in old age were more complicated than I had thought. No matter what Shimegiwa may think, Doctor Kitsuregawa likely determined that his personality was “unfit” and opted to refresh it in the inheritance—well, no matter how much you hate it, no matter how much you don't want to, any ordinary person could tell you that you've got to live with your personality for your whole life.

“Don't ponder too much, Jun Aikawa; at the moment, it isn't as fully realized as you may think. If we divide the progress on the 'Lamp of the Destitute' into ten steps, this is only step three or four. Flare is like a newborn baby... or rather, an embryo.”

So the flask would be the womb, then. It's certainly a homunculus... If you think of it as a test-tube baby, it does sound like part of the natural progression of modern chemistry; however, to me, it seemed utterly distinct—Doctor Kitsuregawa probably felt the same way.

“It is extraordinarily fragile, after all. Liable to be extinguished in a gust of air; quite literally a candle in the wind... I apologize for making you run about, but might we return to the dining room once more? We will talk more in detail there—that is, if you still have enough energy to listen.”

What more do you want me to hear? I put as much sarcasm into my answer as I could, but regardless, there was no turning back. As humanity's strongest, but also as a member of the human race, I had no choice but to listen to what she had to say, and I had no choice but to take the job.

[Next Chapter]

Footnotes: (1) Its name in Japanese is “Fureai”, which is a pun on “flare”. “Fureai” is a nebulous but important concept in Japanese society that refers to the formation of emotional connections between different people.

[mirroredtranslations]

Sodachi Mirror

by Nisio Isin

This brief story was recently released at the theater showings of Zoku Owarimonogatari. Enjoy!

Chapter 000

I hate mirrors. Every time I see one, I want to take a hammer and mercilessly smash it to pieces. Three-sided mirrors, mirrors on compact cases, full-length mirrors, houses of mirrors, endoscopes—my heart strains with my desires to break them. I'd like to disassemble a single-lens camera, smash the optical mirror, and reconstruct it as a mirrorless camera. But the reason I don't act on these desires is not because I don't carry a hammer around (well... I do, in a manner of speaking); it's because if you smash a mirror, all you do is multiply it into so many little mirrors. Just like hatred. A while ago, I actually set about testing how much I could hate a mirror; I used the pieces of a mirror I really did smash up to make a kaleidoscope. Looking into it was just awful. Like the worst kind of hatred. The broken mirrors reflected each other in a timeless, infinite hellscape. That's why, if you want to destroy a mirror, you don't smash it—you tear it off. You need to peel it away from the other side of the glass, scratching it off, scratching, scratching. Scratching, scratching, scratching. If you do that, it will become beautifully transparent and clear. The other side is the important side, and the other side is what I despise. I hate mirrors. I hate other sides.

However, as a young mathematical genius, it's my duty to prove why I hate mirrors so much, right down to their other sides. Of course, the reason is immediately apparent: it's because mirrors reflect me.  Because when I look at one, I see myself. Because my eyes fix on my eyes. When I look inside a kaleidoscope, an infinite number of my own selves look back at me. Staring at my wounds—even in those miraculous moments when I think my reflection looks cute. The more I look, the more my mind is eroded, scratched off from the other side, scratching, scratching, scratching. They say people's reflections look good to themselves, but conversely, that means that from the other side's perspective I look bad. I look like a hideous monster that ought to be eliminated. So I've got to kill my reflection before it kills me. If I don't smash it before I get smashed, it will kill me from inside the mirror. From the other side of the mirror. I'll be shown for what I really am. Therefore, I hate mirrors—proof complete.

Therefore, I hate myself.

Even so, I love myself more than I do Araragi.

[mirroredtranslations]

Jinrui Saikyou no Netsuai - Chapter 9

Jinrui Saikyou no Netsuai – Nisioisin p. 45-53

[Previous Chapter]

There are times when I think the world actually ended a while ago, but I didn't notice and kept on living anyway. Especially on days full of nonsense like today... Well, anything can happen in this life of mine, after all. In any case, if a homunculus and an arm made of fire are just the warm-up, I wonder what kind of job will this be... I feel like someone once said that everything you can imagine is real (1)—funnily (in both meanings of the word) enough,(2) the events that were happening one after another were beyond anything I could imagine. At this point, I guess Kouta wasn't necessarily mocking me with what she said about God going out of his way to make sure I'm not bored. Damn it, Kouta; maybe I'll marry you this time. So, Hotsure-chan, Shimegiwa-kun. What would you like me to do for you? Just so you know, I'm not cheap.

“I will pay you sufficiently for your work... Grandpa left us quite a bit in the inheritance.”

Whatever Hotsure-chan may say, that kind of big talk will sound suspicious if you live in an ordinary house like this. Surely you're not saying the old man kept a bunch of money in a drawer somewhere.

“You talk about me as if I'm a stranger to the issue at hand, but I am not, strictly speaking, totally unconnected. You could even say I share an intimate connection with that research—Matsuri and I were both test specimens for it.”

Hotsure-chan spoke with a touch of self-deprecation in her voice. Perhaps due to all the information stuffed into her brain in a volume unsuitable for her age, for a child, she was lacking in facial expressions—but at that moment, her self-deprecation was plain and obvious.

“'Test specimens' is a little too far, Hotsure-sama; I believe 'prototypes' would be the right term.”

“You're right.”

Hotsure-chan did not resist Shimegiwa's chiding words, and simply agreed. They're a strange combination, but unexpectedly appealing—I'm jealous of that kind of relationship. I've never had a partner who stuck with me, come to think of it. So, what do you mean by 'prototype'?

“...As you have already pointed out, I am the second generation of Grandpa, that is, Doctor Kitsuregawa, and I have taken over his research. However, I am not Grandpa himself. I am not yet able to come in contact with society like he would—I'm still in my test drive stage, so to speak.”

I highly doubt Doctor Kitsuregawa would come in contact with society in the first place, but I suppose even a mad scientist has to negotiate with the outside world sometimes. When they happened to align with a demand from society, he'd offer up the savage fruits of his research, in so doing protect himself from the hardships of life—but it would be fundamentally unreasonable to ask a newly born five-year-old to have the same level of cunning. That's why you're hiding the fact the first generation Doctor Kitsuregawa is dead and a homunculus has taken over as his second generation, right?

“Yes. But we cannot hide forever; we intend to make a public announcement soon. Before that, however, I would like to deal with all the unfinished research that Grandpa left behind... By the way, humanity's strongest, the Closet spacesuit you tested for us is one of those projects. Part of the inheritance Grandpa left.”

Inheritance, huh... that's a pretty terrible inheritance. Might be better to call it bad debt. I see; she didn't create the spacesuit totally from scratch, then. Although I'm not sure whether I should be relieved or not, now that I know the spacesuit was made by an old-fashioned alchemist.

“Over the past year, we have been finishing up the research projects that Grandpa started, one by one. During that time, our work has collided with yours on multiple occasions, not just with the spacesuit—I have been observing your work as a contractor. To some extent.”

Hmph. So that's why you chose me for this job; I do good work, right? No matter how small the job, there's always someone watching me from somewhere.

“Don't mock me, please. This is serious.”

To some extent?

“To some extent, yes.”

Is Shimegiwa-kun's arm part of the research you inherited, Hotsure-chan? Or did it get finished by your predecessor?

“Matsuri's arm is entirely Grandpa's handiwork.”

Hotsure-chan answered, and then continued.

“Matsuri's career as a resident of this house is longer than mine—for all intents and purposes, he was the one who raised me.”

Hmph; in that case, he really is her guardian. That did make me curious about how Shimegiwa got involved with the first generation Doctor Kitsuregawa, but I'd probably cause another digression if I asked about that.

“That is precisely the issue, and why I would very much like your help. With the exception of the very minor projects, I have been able to finish—or at the very least, dispose of—most of Grandpa's research... However, there is one last project of his that I can neither solve nor dispose of. I don't know what to do; I'm at my wit's end.”

Oh? She's being very honest—I never thought I'd hear a scientist say “I don't know”.

“Well, I'm new to this. Both as a scientist and as the second generation Doctor Kitsuregawa... If I were Grandpa, I'm sure I wouldn't be at my wit's end—if he were to reach this impasse, he might have disposed of the research without a second thought.”

Could that mean this one remaining project had some emotional significance to Hotsure-chan or Shimegiwa?

“I suppose it could. But our attachment to it isn't quite so emotional as it is practical... If this research is abandoned, then Matsuri and I would lose the meaning to our lives.”

You'd lose the meaning to your lives? You sure like to exaggerate. Besides, people who actually have meaning to their lives are in the minority.

“This is not some pubescent identity crisis. What I mean is, if we abandon that project, then it would be as if we—the fruits of Doctor Kitsuregawa's research—served no purpose. Do you understand?”

Maybe the reason why I understood what she was trying to say right away was that I'd been in a similar circumstance—there was a time in my life when I was a test subject in my fathers' “apocalypse research”. The research itself failed, but the fact that failed might make it seem like I was unnecessary, depending on how you look at it. I can say “Who cares?” and move past it, but these kids don't seem quite as carefree as I am. So I said: What you mean is, you guys were components in this last research project?

“Well, I suppose we are. Myself as a homunculus, and Matsuri's arm... we were the stairs that this project was climbing.”

Stairs, huh. If you put it that way, it reminds me of those Thirteen Stairs from a while ago.

“Thirteen Stairs?”

You don't need to know. Keep going.

“The homunculus was an experiment in turning the inorganic organic, making something from nothing, creating life from the lifeless, so to speak. Using it as a vessel for himself was probably nothing more than a secondary goal for Grandpa. The point is, he was trying to create something equivalent to, but totally separate from the lineage of humanity.”

So he was aiming to see if he could make the same product with different ingredients. Asking a scientist why there was any need to do that—or telling them that we already have humans so there's no point in making something else—wouldn't just be stupid, it would be rude.

“And Matsuri's arm was an experiment in turning human flesh into gas.”

Like turning man into machine? Cyborgs?

“Not like a cyborg, gas... He wanted to determine whether the human body, which is composed of solids and liquids, could be made from gases. Grandpa's goal was certainly not to produce a middle schooler's fantasy like an arm made of blazing fire.”

If only it was just a middle schooler's fantasy. Turning a human into gas... Like how vampires turn into mist? So the flames, the hot temperatures, and the weaponization were all just byproducts, and the key points were the change and variation in the states of matter.

“Doctor Kitsuregawa called it the 'vaporization phenomenon'.” Shimegiwa wearily patted his right arm. “The only thing I can vaporize is my arm, though... What Doctor Kitsuregawa was asking was whether or not a living thing could exist in the gaseous state.”

I wanted to ask what the point of asking even was—but he didn't just ask, he actually went and found an answer, which astonished me. If you asked me, as a layman, even if he succeeded in turning the human body into gas, wouldn't its volume increase rapidly to the point where it would disperse and be unable to return to its original form? That was the first problem that came to mind, but seeing how Shimegiwa's right arm had returned to its solid form right in front of me, I guess that hurdle has been cleared.

“Rest assured that I will show you the data later, if you are interested. Right now, I'm just giving a broad outline.”

The data? You'll show me the data? Isn't that highly classified?

“It is neither classified nor secret. More importantly, although I hope you have realized this by now, what we are asking of you—the commission we want you to take—is to assist us in completing that final research project. Or, if nothing can be done, to dispose of it in our stead.”

…...

“What, did you think you would be used as a guinea pig again? You're not a battle maniac whose only specialty is fighting, are you? You stand out for your ostentatiously active lifestyle, but really, you have plenty of scholastic accomplishments as well—actually, wouldn't you say brain work is more your strong suit?”

It's really unusual for someone to see me that way. Well, I'm not humble enough to act humble here. But still, I'm not so conceited as to think myself clever enough to assist in Doctor Kitsuregawa's research.

“Do you accept, humanity's strongest?”

Hmph. Part of me was surprised at how ordinary the job turned out to be—however, that depends on what this final research project, this bad inheritance left to you by Doctor Kitsuregawa, specifically entails. What on Earth could this alchemist's unfinished work be? Other than artificial life, the reconstitution of flesh, and the transcendence of human intellect, I can't see any commonalities between these two research products... I don't think I can help out with this research without understanding that. But, setting Shimegiwa aside, maybe what Hotsure-chan really wants me to do is to “dispose” of it. Maybe she can't do it herself because she's too emotionally attached, so she wants me to deal with it in her place... When it comes to stuff like that, Jun Aikawa is a natural-born destroyer, and destroying things (in various ways) is the strongest of my strong suits. I wouldn't hesitate to demolish Doctor Kitsuregawa's precious inheritance.

“Well, do you, Jun Aikawa?”

Shimegiwa pressed me for an answer. Don't rush me. Well, at this rate I'll probably end up accepting the job, but there's something I need to make sure of first. Do you have any intention of selling this final research over to the ER3 System, or the Four Gods and One Mirror, or anybody like that? I can introduce you to Associate Professor Hewlett, the world's foremost intellect, for free if you like.

“You don't get it, do you. We want you as a contractor, Jun Aikawa, not as a researcher. Of all the things Grandpa disliked, what he hated most of all were geniuses and the elite.”

I have inherited that “memory” quite clearly, Hotsure-chan said expressionlessly. I see. Well, that makes sense; to mad scientist Doctor Kitsuregawa, people in the same line of work wouldn't be business rivals, they'd be natural enemies. Okay, then. Time for you to tell me what this research is really about.

“Yes, you're right. I'll tell you. But before I do, will you promise me something?”

Another promise? What is it this time?

“Promise that you won't be alarmed, no matter what you see.”

That's the contract she wanted me to agree to? Hey, now, it's way too late for that. There's no use telling me to be alarmed now, and I doubt there's any use telling me to not be alarmed either.

“No, what I meant was, if you become alarmed, then it will become alarmed as well. I do not want to traumatize it—it is extremely feeble.”

…...? Hotsure-chan was still beating around the bush, so I looked at Shimegiwa, but he was no different—I guess I'll have to see it to believe it. Alright then, take me to the second floor. To the laboratory—or as an alchemist might say, the workshop?

“You're right. I don't call it a workshop, but Grandpa did. ...I would have liked you to meet him when he was alive, if your sensibilities align to that extent.”

Hotsure-chan stood up from the couch—give me a break. I really doubt we'd have gotten along. You're right that Doctor Kitsuregawa would never have asked another researcher for help, but if he were here, he wouldn't have asked me for help either.

“But that's just it. You speak of Grandpa like you knew him well; I inherited his memories, but even I cannot make assertions about him so confidently.”

Making assertions is a bad habit of mine. Don't put too much stock in it, or I'll have trouble answering.

“I see. Well then, I suppose I'll say it again after you have completed the job—it will be exciting to see how you reply. ...Grandpa—Motsure Kitsuregawa, the modern-day alchemist, called his final research project—”

Hotsure-chan strode forward as if to take the vanguard position.

“The Lamp of the Destitute.(3) That is what he called her.”

[Next Chapter]

Footnotes: (1) A common sentiment people usually can't attribute to anyone specific. The closest would be a quote attributed to Pablo Picasso, “Everything we imagine is real.” (2) In the original Jun says “thankfully” instead of “funnily enough”. The Japanese word she uses, 有り難い (arigatai), mainly means “thankful”, but its literal meaning is “hard to be [exist]”; it combines ari (from aru, “to be”) and gatai (“hard, difficult”). (3) This term (貧者の一灯, hinja no ittou) comes from an expression of Buddhist origin, “Better one lamp from the destitute than ten thousand from the rich”, from which Nisio extracts “one lamp from the destitute”. The expression teaches that a small offering made with true sincerity is more virtuous than a large offering by a rich person, and comes from this story: The king of Ajatashatru (阿闍世, ajase) invites the Buddha for a memorial service, and places ten thousand lamps along the path from the Jetavana monastery (祇園精舎, gion shouja) to light the way. A destitute old woman wants to offer light to the Buddha, so she spends the few pennies she has to buy a small amount of oil to light a lamp. Throughout the night, the king's lamps are blown out by the wind, run out of oil, etc., but the old woman's lamp remains miraculously lit.

[mirroredtranslations]

Mayoi Snake - Chapter 6 (Final)

From Yoimonogatari by Nisioisin

[Previous Chapter]

“So, Yozuru. How did it go? What was the outcome of the ritual of divine inheritance... I mean, what's the punch line?”

“Went off without a hitch, Gaen-senpai. It ended up pretty different from how I'd imagined, but it was a success. It was a serious success, I should say.”

“Hmm. Alright then. What do you mean, specifically?”

“I gave Sengoku-chan the task of findin' eighty-nine white snakes for Hachikuji-chan. Well, there's nothin' special about the number—I just wanted it to make big.”

“I see; that's a method I wouldn't have thought of. It's like you, Yozuru. But capturing nearly a hundred white snakes alive, don't you think that was a bit too hard? If things went badly, Sengoku-chan might have become a god again.”

“Personally, I wouldn't have minded if that'd happened. The task might've been unrealistic, but it wasn't unreasonable. I wanted her to atone for the all that pointless snake slaughterin' she did.”

“A tone? Oh, atone. Hmm. Despite what you say about Meme and Deishuu, you're pretty soft on kids too. That's a side of you I didn't expect to see.”

“I hear Yotsugi thinks you're the one who's the softest on kids, Gaen-senpai.”

“That damn doll. So, when you say 'atone'... You wanted Sengoku-chan to help the white snakes breed, then? That's your model solution?”

“Ya really are keen, Gaen-senpai. In a league of your own. Really, I take my hat off to ya.”

“In that case, will you please stop trying to land on my head over and over? It's not easy dodging.”

“Don't even need eighty-nine white snakes—ya just need to catch two of 'em, and they'll have children. Someday, they'll have enough descendants to match the number of snakes she killed. If you kill one, you kill the ninety-nine that follow after, but if you save one, you save the ninety-nine that follow after. That's the basic principle of the circle of transmigration.”

“I think it would be plenty difficult just catching two, though. You've got to have one male and one female, too... The basic principle of the circle of transmigration, huh. Is that why you hate immortal oddities, because they break those basic rules?”

“No need to talk about me. The problem is, Sengoku-chan flagrantly disregarded the model solution I went through so much trouble to give her.”

“Flagrant disregard. Well, after all, you don't rely on your sense of vision when you hunt snakes. Besides, Sengoku-chan doesn't seem like the type that easily understands implicit meaning. But what kind of trick did she use to get through your ritual, then?”

“Y'know how the sacred object of that shrine is a paper talisman?”

“Yes? So it is. A snake, now that you mention it. What about it?”

“She used that. She drew eighty-nine white snakes on it, and delivered it her successor.”

“She drew pictures? She drew pictures—”

“It's like they say, you can't eat a drawing of a mochi—same with snakes.(1) Well, some people say the origin of kagami-mochi(2) has to do with the way white snakes coil around themselves...”

“...But did that satisfy you? I mean, if you're satisfied, since I was the one who asked you to go in my place I have no right to criticize, but no matter how I look at it—”

“I had no choice. I'd heard from Yotsugi that she wanted to be a manga artist, but I was overwhelmed by her drawin' skill—no, it wasn't exactly that I got overwhelmed... Right, it made me believe I was lookin' at the real thing.”

“The real thing?”

“Those white snakes looked as if they'd start movin’ any second. It's not so much drawin' skills as it is magic powers. Stands to reason, after she created four shikigamis with the basics Yotsugi taught her.”

“...In a way, she didn't even have to make them breed, she simply brought eighty-nine living white snakes into the world. She multiplied them through drawings—she drew them up. Impressive.”

“Unfortunate that she didn't seem to understand the significance of doin' somethin' like that in front of a specialist. I think that's why it was right for her to yield the position to Hachikuji-chan. Too much of a good thing, y'know—Nadeko Sengoku should never have godhood, or anything like it.”

“Hmph. Well, it seems we don't have to worry about Hachikuji-chan for the time being... Sengoku-chan, though. The girl for whom godhood was just a checkpoint. Given the situation, I should probably raise my assessment of her to the next level; she's a promising newcomer, so I wanted to take the time to bring her up properly... But now might be just the time for her breakout moment. Now that she's made amends for her past, how about we give her a job to do?”

“A job? Without any trainin'? Well, it was like that for us too, I guess. Whether she breaks out or drops out, the sooner the better, I think.”

“Sure you want to be talking like it's someone else's problem? You two already have a relationship, so I want you to take part in this—Yotsugi too, of course.”

“Hm? I don't have a problem with that, but if Yotsugi and I are goin', does that mean we'll be dealin' with an immortal monster this time—”

“Yes. As a matter of fact, it's a continuation of this urgent business I've been handling... Since my contract with Koyomin forbids me from asking him for help, I've been a bit short on manpower.”

“So Sengoku-chan's gonna shoulder the burdens of Araragi-kun's carelessness, huh. What goes around comes around.”

“That's right. Like a spiral; like a coil. In that sense, she's perfect for this. Everything, including the target, is just right for her.”

Nadeko Sengoku's first target will be an immortal monster—the five-headed serpent, Uroko Around.

So declared Izuko Gaen-san, the specialists' manager who knows everything, in a place I didn't know.

Takes a snake to catch a snake in the grass!(3)

Footnotes: (1) The idiom “a drawing of a mochi” (e ni kaita mochi) refers to something useless or unobtainable. (2) Kagami mochi (“mirror ricecake”) is a traditional New Year decoration made of two round mochi stacked on top of each other, the smaller one on top of the larger one. (3) Buckle up, friends. The original line here (蛇の道はヘヴィー・ローテーション!, ja no michi wa heavy rotation) has a lot going on that was impossible to take into English. As in my translation, there are two conjoined expressions here—in mine it's “takes an x to catch an x” and “snake in the grass”—in the original it's “takes one to know one” (using snakes as the example) and “heavy rotation”. Heavy rotation refers to something repeating over and over, typically a song on the radio or wearing an outfit. “Rotation” might be yet another spiral/coil reference, too.

[mirroredtranslations]

Mayoi Snake - Chapter 5

From Yoimonogatari by Nisioisin

[Previous Chapter]

Just for your reference, white snakes are a national protected species, so it's quite possible that catching eighty-nine of them without permission (with my bare hands) will incur some kind of punishment, regardless of whether it's for a ritual or any other purpose—quite unlike viper extermination.

However, I don't think I needed to worry about that just yet. Several hours passed, and my snake-catching intuition completely came back to me, but the protected species in question was nowhere to be found.

I can claim innocence... in a way.

Nevertheless, I shouldn't feel relieved—at this rate, I won't just fail to abdicate, I might even become enshrined as a god against my will.

Well, realistically speaking, I don't think that would happen... but when you start talking about gods, you've already deviated pretty far from what is “realistic”.

The second advent of God-Nadeko.

That would not be good.

It's not just that I don't want to do it again; it would also be bad for the town. No matter what Ononoki-chan might say, I know I'm not cut out to be a goddess.

Judging from what I've heard, Hachikuji-chan seems much more suited for the position. At the very least, I don't want to steal her divinity back for myself.

Because this is a short, bonus story, I'd gotten careless, but my sense of danger quickly went up. I never thought the fate of this town would depend on my skills as a middle school snake-catcher.

Or that I'd end up having to do something in my capacity as a god after quitting godhood. My goodness, life never goes the way you expect.

Now, then... in any case, it seems I ought to change tactics. My strategy of “poking the brush to scare out the snake”(1) has reached its limit; it was highly ineffective.

I should probably search for a nest or a colony and catch them all at once. Even that seems a bit desperate, though...

I haven't exactly studied snake-catching from a textbook (occult-related information was all I studied from books), so this is a somewhat half-baked idea, but doesn't it seem likely that snakes would make their homes near water?

I was tired from walking for two hours straight, so I might as well rest for a little near a river, I thought... I followed the sound of water.

However, I didn't end up at a river—I ended up at a waterfall.

“Oh? If it isn't Ononoki-san! Which means you would be Sengoku-san, no? This is the first time we've met in person.”

There she was, bathing in the waterfall—no.

She wasn't bathing in it; her white undershirt was dripping wet, but she seemed to be taking a break, or maybe she had bathed already and quit—sitting on the bank, splashing her feet in the water, was a girl who looked to be ten years old.

Which means... this little girl is Mayoi Hachikuji-chan, then?

Apparently, while I was wandering aimlessly around the mountain trying to find white snakes, I'd made a full rotation about the shrine, and had returned to the summit.

It sounds like a joke, but it was nearly a disaster. Despite thinking I was proceeding in a straight line, I could have made a spiral and started going in circles.

“Talking about swirls and spirals reminds me of snail shells, but if you think about it, snakes are the same way. Snakes coil themselves in a spiral orbit. You don't even have to bring up the Ouroboros—it's like snakes revolve around themselves.”

Seeming to imply something deep, Ononoki-chan finally dropped down from the treetops... and landed on my head.

I have to endure this from both the onmyouji and her shikigami?

“Hup!”

She sat down on my shoulders.

I was about to tell her to give me some personal space, but I held back my gut reflex.

Why? Because I was happy she'd become so attached to me... Hrm. The human mind is bizarre.

I'd become attached to people before, but never in my life had someone become attached to me.

“Hi there. Yep, I'm Nadeko Sengoku.”

It would be hard to keep my balance if I tried to bow with someone riding on my shoulders (Ononoki-chan had not gotten rid of her body weight for me), so I simply introduced myself to Hachikuji-chan.

Although I'd heard her name so many times that she almost seemed like an old friend, it was most definitely our first time meeting.

Should we be meeting, though?

I still hadn't found a single white snake.

“That's fine, isn't it? The whole ritual thing is just for appearance's sake—as you can see, I got tired of it a while ago.”

Got tired of it a while ago, huh.

It would seem she had bathed already and quit.

Her personality is as flexible as I'd heard... Makes me feel like a fool for earnestly trying to find snakes.

But in some ways, she's unlike what I'd heard. For instance, I'd heard that Mayoi Hachikuji-chan had a simple, iconic set of twintails, ones that brought to mind the antennae of a snail?

And at the moment, her hair was down.

Her wet hair gave off a sense of luster unbecoming of a little girl... I suppose she let it down to bathe in the waterfall, then?

“No, actually. I was ignorant of this until today, but apparently, snails actually have four antennae. Four, not two. I am currently struggling with an identity crisis, as it seems there was no point in my twintails.”

That would be the upper and lower antennae.

That said, she couldn't exactly turn her twintails into quadruple tails, and honestly, from an outsider's perspective I didn't care either way... but that might be typical of identity-related distress.

My hairstyle caused me no end of distress, you know?

But everyone else just thought my bangs were annoying.

“Maybe I should cut it super short like you, Sengoku-san. It looks easy to handle. And even after getting soaked like this, it seems like it would dry right away.”

“I wouldn't necessarily recommend it...”

I had already forced the fruits of my misconduct onto Hachikuji-chan, so I didn't want to force my hairstyle on her too.

It's true that it's easy to handle, though.

I walked over and sat down next to her—with Ononoki-chan still on my shoulders.

“But, Sengoku-san, you didn't get a buzz cut to show regret, did you?”

“Yeah... It wasn't regret, I guess.”

And it's not a buzz cut.

It's embarrassing to say, but... “If I had to say, it was resolve. And of course, I do feel regret too. About when I was a goddess... no, about everything before that.”

“I think that's perfectly fine. To be honest, I think Araragi-san is more at fault than you.”

Oh?

So she's heard about that.

But hers was a fresh take on the matter.

I never expected Hachikuji-chan to take my side... Even Ononoki-chan, who was still on my shoulders, had some pretty harsh opinions on “Meek Nadeko”.

“I'm Araragi-san's friend, so I'm harsh on him.”

They seem like good friends.

I suppose their relationship is like me and Tsukihi's.

“I think that the way he pretended to be ignorant of your feelings was entirely unbecoming of a gentleman. Araragi-san bears a lot of responsibility for not paying attention to you. Don't you think that was unfair of him?”

Compared to his dishonest behavior, Sengoku-san, it was admirable how you turned down that boy from your class—said Hachikuji-chan.

I don't know about that.

Well, recently, my feelings for him had finally sublimed...  However, it did make me feel a sense of futility knowing that my uncontrollable feelings hadn't reached him at all.

To think that my comical advances hadn't fazed him in the least...

“Faze, huh. Like a love dart.”

“Love dart? Like Cupid's arrows?”

No, not that.

It's a snail organ, like the upper and lower antennae.

The name may sound romantic, but I've heard that if a snail pierces another snail with one, it shortens the pierced partner's lifespan—it's a pretty frightening organ.

“I died a fifth grader, never having experienced my first love. So while I can't give you much pertinent advice, from the perspective of a neutral party, you two reunited at a very bad time. You saw him for the first time in years on this mountain, right?”

Bad time, huh.

At the time, I was desperately trying to undo the curse I was afflicted with—now that I think about it, you could say that meeting him again when I was searching for and slaughtering snakes was the worst possible timing.

It's also true that we never would have gotten the chance to reunite under any other circumstances, though.

“But even if I'd met him again before Hanekawa-san and Senjougahara-san, or even Shinobu-chan, I doubt things would have turned out any different. Even in the unlikely event that my feelings for him had been requited...”

“You're right. There's a hundred percent chance that crazy girl would have stolen him from you.”

Crazy girl, eh.

Ononoki-chan is harsh on that couple too.

I hear she's mellowed out now, but... If I may say, the fact that something like that didn't happen probably saved my life.

Come to think of it, Senjougahara-san didn't meet Koyomi-san until after he met Shinobu-chan and Hanekawa-san.

If that assertiveness is what defines love—love dart—then I guess you could argue I hadn't really experienced my first love yet, same as Hachikuji-chan.

But it's hard to see what love is when you've fallen in love.

...Wait.

Am I chatting about love with Hachikuji-chan right now?

I'd never actually done that.

When I talk to Ononoki-chan and Tsukihi-chan, we don't really gossip about this stuff (it's more like counseling for what's bothering us)... Maybe Hachikuji-chan would make an unexpectedly good goddess of love.

“That's right. I want everyone who's alive to experience the first love that I never got to have before I died. That, if nothing else.”

“So, Hachikuji-chan.”

I'd thought it wouldn't be any use, so I hadn't planned on asking even if I saw her today, but I ended up asking her anyway.

That's how I am.

“Do you regret becoming a goddess?”

I forced it on her.

Or maybe it's not that simple.

I don't know the details, but I heard that Hachikuji-chan didn't have the luxury of choice.

Her only three options were to become a goddess, go back to Hell, or be devoured by the Darkness... essentially, just one option.

By the way, when Shinobu-chan was enshrined here as a goddess several hundred years ago, it certainly didn't seem as though that was what she wanted.

Well, if I had to say, it seems like Shinobu-chan's attitude back then was similar to mine—reigning just for herself... But Hachikuji-chan wanted to be something more.

I had gone crazy, but unlike me, Hachikuji-chan appeared to be maintaining her sense of self—that's why I wanted to ask her.

That's why I did ask her.

“I don't regret it. Even if I had another option, I probably would have chosen this path anyway.”

“...Really?”

“Part of it is penance. When you pile up stones in Hell for a while, you really get to thinking. I'd be lying if I said that no real harm came to those people I made lose their way for eleven years—it makes me feel good to help people.”

I used to make people lose their way.

Now I show them the way, and that makes me happy.

That's what Hachikuji-chan said.

“Even if someone told me they'd do it for me, I wouldn't let them. This is my job.”

Guilt isn't just a reason to not do something; it can also be a reason to do something.

I wasted quite a lot of time before I realized that—my successor is truly admirable.

“...She didn't become a goddess just for Mr. Demon's sake. Well, Mayoi-nee-san, you've got to move on from him too, or you'll end up like the eternal exchange student, Shinobu Oshino.”

'The eternal exchange student'?

Surely Shinobu-chan is a bit of an exception.

Hm... Hearing that, my motivation—which, to be honest, had started to diminish—came rushing back.

I need to abdicate, no matter what.

I need to abdicate for this girl.

To grant her her godhood, and her path.

It may be a road so rough that you'd hardly believe it was paved, but there's no doubt in my mind that this little lost girl will walk it proudly.

Even if it's just for appearance's sake, I've got to complete the abdication.

This will be the first and last duty I perform, active and combative, as the goddess of this shrine.

Resolved, I stood up—and I put that resolution into words.

“All right. I'll get you those eighty-nine white snakes, Hachikuji-chan!”

“Huh? Wait a second. What are you talking about? I haven't heard anything about that... Please don't give me something so creepy. I'd rather quit being a goddess and go back to Hell than accept a gift like that.”

“But, Naduke, how are you going to solve our practical problem? The time limit is getting closer every minute.”

Ononoki-chan asked me from on top of my shoulders.

She had apparently decided to ignore what Hachikuji-chan had just said, since it made the whole scheme seem dubious.

Despite saying that she couldn't help me, she appeared to be concerned about my plan of action—plus, she had elevated my rank to duke.

“It's alright. I took this unreasonable task a bit too seriously. I should have been more creative—I should have done it the way I wanted to do it, like Hachikuji-chan did. I'll reflect on what I need to reflect on, but I wasn't supposed to take this so seriously. I shouldn't have forgotten who I am. Instead of just doing what I was told, I ought to have done what I wanted.”

“Hmph. Which is?”

“Excuse me, I screwed up—like that.”(2)

Oops.

I actually did screw up that line.

I'm a third-year in middle school who wants to be a manga artist, and what I meant to say there was: excuse me, I drew up.

[Next Chapter]

Footnotes: (1) A Japanese proverb. (2) I had to make a small change to the traditional translation of Hachikuji's catchphrase because of the pun Nadeko makes on it in the last line. By the way, “drew up” will make sense in the next chapter, trust me.

[mirroredtranslations]

Mayoi Snake - Chapter 4

From Yoimonogatari by Nisioisin

[Previous Chapter]

From what I've heard, North Shirahebi Shrine was previously located in Shirohebi Park—despite the long-running controversy about whether the name was read as “Rouhaku Park” or “Namishiro Park”, neither turned out to be correct; “Shirohebi” is the park's official name.(1)

Although the water radical on the left(2) makes it seem like the name is referring to a sea snake, well, there are quite a few aquatic snakes around here, and if I were told it came from ancient folklore then that would make a lot of sense. After all, folklore is kind of like a game of telephone.

However, when I heard about it, I thought that, for my part, I preferred the name “Namishiro Park”.

That's because there's a type of snake called namihebi—sea snakes; the famous Japanese rat snake is one of them.

And albino rat snakes are commonly referred to as “white snakes”, it seems—North Shirahebi Shrine... North White Snake Shrine.

But as you might expect of snakes that were worshiped religiously, finding them is no easy task—let alone finding ninety of them.

“I'm sorry that this turned out differently from what I told you. And that I can't help you. The ritual can't be completed if you don't do it yourself, apparently.”

Ononoki-chan called out to me, not from atop my head, but from atop a tree. I had left the shrine grounds, and had gone into a grove to look for snakes.

From that angle, her panties were in full view.

I don't derive any pleasure from looking at little girls' panties, but after hearing her apologize, I couldn't complain—I had nothing to complain about in the first place.

It was a bit humiliating to get punched and stepped on, but I'll soon be going out into the world and trying to become an artist, so those are things I'll just have to accept.

There are people who don't like me.

Indeed.

“Onee-chan said she was pissed, but she didn't say she disliked you. Actually, I think she likes kids who have guts.”

“I don't have any guts... Aha!”

As I was talking to Ononoki-chan, I noticed something darting in the corner of my eye and swiftly reached out my hand—although I succeeded in grabbing it by the scuff of its neck, it was, unfortunately, not a white snake.

Just an ordinary snake.

It wasn't even a Japanese rat snake.

It was a shiromadara—an Oriental odd-tooth.

Despite the name,(3) it couldn't be called a white snake.

The Oriental odd-tooth was baring its fangs, twisting its tail and body around in an attempt to escape from my grip—hey, it's okay; I'm not going to chop you up with a chisel.

I'm going to let you go.

Since it would be dangerous to drop it nearby, I hurled it a fair distance away. Forgive me for being rough; I didn't want to get bitten.

“...You didn't just casually grab a snake, did you? Carelessly, with your hand?”

“Huh? Yeah. Was because I could reach it.”

“That's the same exact thing Onee-chan said! Verbatim!”

Ononoki-chan followed me from the treetops as I walked further up the mountain. She wasn't jumping like Kagenui-san, she was striding steadily along the branches.

“There are treetop snakes too—let me know if you find one, Ononoki-chan. For now, I'm going to be catching whatever snakes I find, regardless of color, so I can get a feel for this again.”

“You some kind of snake-catching master?”

I grew up in the countryside, you know.

I understand why snakes can be scary, but if you prepare yourself, they're not so bad; just watch out for the fangs, and there's not much they can do.

“I don't have to worry about getting killed this time, so I feel a lot more comfortable now than when I was failing the countercurse.”

“You should go to Amami Ooshima.(4) I heard you can get three thousand yen if you catch a yellow-spotted viper.”

Really?

That's fascinating.

However, as a would-be manga artist and apprentice specialist, if I started aiming to be a snake-catching master too, then my plans for the future would stop making sense—

Got one.

One in each hand.

I wonder if they're parent and child?

“Yikes. These are pit vipers.”

“Don't just say 'yikes'. At least use an exclamation point instead of a period.”

Even I'm scared of pit vipers.

Just to be safe, I threw them further than before—in the opposite direction I was walking, of course.

“...Couldn't we have exterminated those vipers?”

“Well, I did used to be a snake goddess, after all.”

And my repulsion to snakes now might be less than it ever was. About a year ago, when I had wandered this mountain trying to catch snakes just like I'm doing now, I remember trembling in fear, despite growing up in the countryside.

Well, even though I don't have guts, I might have become tough.

“Everyone's perfectly fine with goldfish scooping, but if you told people they had to dissect the goldfish they catch, they'd hesitate to scoop any, right? It's like that.”

“Is it...?”

“That said, back when Tsukihi-chan and I were in elementary school, there was a competition to see who could catch the most fish at the goldfish scooping stall, and the losers would buy the winner cotton candy. Tsukihi-chan beat the goldfish within an inch of their lives with the frame of the scoop before catching them.”

“Don't bring up stuff from your friend's dark past like it's an anecdote. Within an inch of their lives?”

If that's what your childhood was like, I can understand why you became a snake-catching middle schooler, said Ononoki-chan.

Her dark past, huh.

I think all kids have had experiences like that, though... And if we take that discussion deeper, I wonder what we'd think of goldfish scooping itself.

The brutality of life.

Some people are fine with fishing but don't like cutting and trimming the fish; some people are fine touching fish, but are scared of touching the live bait—everyone has different ways of looking at life.

I clearly went too far back then, but to be overly regretful would be another form of taking things too far. I had used my regret to portray myself as a frail but virtuous person... That is to say, I couldn't help feeling like I was using my guilt as a justification for trying to live at ease with myself.

Kuchinawa-san was the personification of that.

“You can actually use a Y-shaped branch to press the snake's neck into the ground like a sasumata,(5) but I'm a follower of the school of grabbing with your bare hands.”

“That's not a real faction.”

“You don't get the same grasping sensation with a branch. It's awkward.”

“If it's awkward, then it's snakes you won't grasp, not sensation... You know, if you'd played up this master snake-catcher persona, I doubt you'd get ostracized at school.”

Ostriches eat snakes.(6)

I mean, I'm not getting ostracized!

“If you don't catch them with your hands, you don't get that feeling of holding a life in your hands.”

“That's something an expert would say. Or maybe something a psycho would say.”

Probably more on the psycho side.

I chopped up a huge number of snakes a year ago... All together, I chopped up at least eighty-nine, didn't I?

No, I think it was around twenty or thirty at most.

I wonder what the proportion of albinism is. If it's one in every hundred, then I'll have to gather a total of eight thousand nine hundred snakes... And it might even be one in every thousand.

Or one in a million.

“In that case, isn't it unreasonable to ask me to find eighty-nine white snakes before dawn? I'll be lucky if I manage to find a couple.”

“This isn't the first time Onee-chan has made unreasonable demands. ...By the way, the North Pole, where Onee-chan was staying until recently, is one of the few places on Earth not inhabited by snakes.”

So it's quite possible that she gave you this task without knowing much about snakes—Ononoki-chan said.

She was at the North Pole?

What kind of life does she lead?

Surely there's no reason to stay in a place like that.

“The Arctic isn't a continent, so it's not technically ground—Onee-chan was able to walk around freely, so it seems she found it rather pleasant. But after the appearance of the legendary vampire's creator, she had no choice but to come back to Japan.”

“...It's a strange curse, isn't it, not being able to walk on the ground.”

The curse I'd been afflicted with a year ago was for my body to be squeezed by giant snakes, but in a sense it was typical, or rather, very straightforward.

After all, there are snakes that squeeze their prey to kill it.

But to not be able to walk on the ground...

“The five of them were afflicted with curses when they brought my corpse back to life. Onee-chan and Mr. Teori worked on my lower half, so their lower halves were cursed, and so on.”

“Mr. Teori is... if I recall correctly...”

“The dollmaster. One of Gaen-san's four direct underclassmen. His role as a specialist is currently a bit different from Mr. Oshino and Mr. Kaiki's, but in college they were very alike.”

“Hmm. Their lower halves were cursed because they worked on your lower half... So, who worked on your upper half? Oshino-san and Kaiki-san?”

“Yes. Although, technically, it's my torso they worked on, not my upper half. It was Gaen-san who worked on my head.”

“Gaen-san—”

That's the one who had urgent business and couldn't come.

I wonder what kind of task she would have assigned me... I certainly don't think it would be something as arbitrary as finding eighty-nine white snakes in one night.

“Yes, Gaen-san. She knows everything—that's her curse.”

“......”

Oh?

Did I just become privy to highly classified information?

Ononoki-chan, surely you're spilling too much.

Just because I listened to her complaints about Tsukihi-chan doesn't mean she should be so frank with  the likes of me.

“If you intend to walk the path of a specialist, this is stuff you ought to know. You don't have to know everything—just things like this. And of course, there are things it's better not to know. Like Around, for example, which is what Gaen-san is currently dealing with.”

“Around?”

“Her urgent business. 'Critical business' might be a better term. I heard about it earlier from Onee-chan. That's the effect of her curse; Gaen-san has no choice but to know about stuff like that—she might look easy-going and omniscient from a first impression, but she's not. She's been punished. In this world, there are some taboos that you mustn't break.”

“...But if Gaen-san and the others hadn't broken that taboo, you wouldn't be here, right, Ononoki-chan?”

“I suppose so. I see; the fact that you and I could become friends means that Gaen-san and the rest getting cursed was worth it.”

No, no, no, no.

I'm happy to hear that, but the price they paid is way out of proportion... Another snake.

This time, I couldn't catch it.

Well, it clearly wasn't a white one, so that's alright—no catch, no release.

“What about Oshino-san and Kaiki-san? They worked on your torso, so what kind of curse did they get?”

“Their curses aren't as straightforward as the other three. I could tell you now, but it'd be boring if everything got spoiled, wouldn't it? Try figuring it out yourself.”

Oh, my.

The flow of information suddenly stopped.

Ononoki-chan is intent on bringing me up properly—she might be dangerous, but she's a good friend.

Well, I would think their curses have something to do with the way they ordinarily behave... Like not being able to stay in one place for a long time, or not being able to say goodbye, or having to continually deceive people, or becoming a miser...?

I don't know how those relate to creating a torso, but it's probably something like that... I'll think about this properly tomorrow, after I've calmed down.

...Tomorrow, huh.

“Let me ask a different question, Ononoki-chan. I readily agreed to this because I was frightened of your Onee-chan, but what happens if I'm unable to complete the ritual of abdication? That is, if I can't capture eighty-nine white snakes?”

I should have made sure of that first.

I wanted Kagenui-san to get off my head as soon as possible, so I agreed immediately and started searching, but... if I can't do it tonight, could I finish tomorrow?

I wonder. My impression was that she thought it up on the spot, but she must have decided on this process using her knowledge as a specialist, so now that I've started, I feel like it would be bad if I failed or quit halfway through...

Since this isn't a ritual to remove a curse, it shouldn't result in a curse backfiring or something along those lines, but as someone who's been through that already, I can't help but say that it's rather too late for these misgivings.

“I'm not sure. This is outside my area of expertise, so I can't say for certain... But since you'd be failing to complete the ritual of abdication, whereby you turn over godhood to the next god, it would follow that...”

Ononoki-chan thought for a moment, then stated her hypothesis.

“...You'd become a god again, I suppose.”

[Next Chapter]

Footnotes: (1) An unconventional reading of the kanji; I think Nisio explains it in Owari 3 or Zoku Owari. (2) On the left-hand side of the character read “shiro” here is the radical (kanji component) that means “water”. (3) Shirohebi (white snake) and shiromadara (Oriental odd-tooth snake). (4) An island in southwest Japan with a lot of yellow-spotted pit vipers. (5) A two-pronged spear-like weapon used for catching criminals or in self-defense. (6) The original has a pun with the two meanings of habu—1) yellow-spotted pit viper and 2) being ostracized.

[mirroredtranslations]

Mayoi Snake - Chapter 3

From Yoimonogatari by Nisioisin

[Previous Chapter]

“Name's Yozuru Kagenui. Good to meet ya.”

North Shirahebi Shrine, dead of night.

Arrogantly perched atop the shrine's offertory box was a beautiful young lady wearing stylish pants—she's much younger than I'd heard, I thought, before realizing it was a totally different person.

It wasn't Gaen-san.

It wasn't the one with the friendly demeanor.

Wherever might Izuko-san be?(1)

Kagenui-san? Yozuru Kagenui-san?

Yozuru Kagenui-san, as I recall, is the onmyouji who uses Ononoki-chan as a shikigami... right? At a glance, she looks like a really scary person...

I didn't intend to blame her, but when I looked back at Ononoki-chan—who had accompanied me as I climbed the mountain to get here—to ask why she hadn't told me about this, she seemed to be just as surprised about the sudden appearance of her “master” as I was.

I had observed her in detail for enough sketches that I could read her (lack of) facial expressions.

“Onee-chan—why are you here?”

“Gaen-senpai had some urgent business come up, so I'm somethin' like a pinch hitter here. People can't escape their worldly duties. This kinda thing's happened before, right?”

Ononoki-chan.

Answering the question from her shikigami, Kagenui-san jumped down from the offertory box, nimbly and soundlessly.

No, I shouldn't say she jumped down.

She jumped from the offertory box onto the stone lantern.

It was shocking to see her jump a distance of several meters without an approach run, and when she landed atop the stone lantern—something it hardly seemed possible to balance on—without so much as a wobble, I couldn't help but be astonished.

That's not a landing zone, that's a vertex.

This must be the curse I've heard rumors about, where she's unable to walk on land; it certainly doesn't seem like she's at all impeded by it.

“And you there are Nadeko Sengoku, I imagine? C'mere.”

“......”

She told me to c'mere. Like it was some kind of catchphrase.

She's really glaring at me. Or maybe she just has a menacing face? Did I do something to this lady...? I know I can do some pretty insensitive things without realizing and end up rubbing people the wrong way, but I doubt I'd have offended someone I'd never met before...

As a hikikomori, I spend all my time in my room wearing a tracksuit, but since I was meeting with someone today—for a ritual, no less—I thought I was dressed properly...

I'm not wearing a school swimsuit.

Just so you know.

“Seems you've been lookin' after Yotsugi. Wanted to meet and greet ya properly at some point. Idiot. Lately I've had my hands completely full tryin' to catch Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicide-Master, so I haven't had the time to.”

“O-oh...”

She didn't slip an “idiot” in there, did she?

“Hey, now. Get over here.”

Kagenui-san beckoned to me, like a princess.

“Don't be so scared. You'll hurt my feelings.”

“......”

Ah, that's right.

It would be impolite to get frightened just from her appearance and attitude. My irrational behavior might be rubbing her the wrong way. Above all, I don't like her thinking I'm scared—I don't know how it comes across, but I'm no longer the Nadeko Sengoku I was before.

I don't hide my eyes behind bangs anymore, nor do I use my name “Nadeko” as a first-person pronoun.

I gathered my courage and stepped forward toward Kagenui-san.

She hit me.

She whacked me in the head, utilizing the height difference from atop the stone lantern. Huh?

I was more puzzled than hurt... This lady just hit me without any pretext?

She hit a girl in the face (or rather, close to it; the top of my head?).

She punched me as if it were some kind of greeting. Is her way of greeting people?

You've got to be kidding.

Unable to accept the fact that I'd been whacked at the very moment I met someone, I looked at Ononoki-chan for a second time.

“Don't look to me for help. You're my friend, but Onee-chan is my master. I can't back you up. You've got to get through this on your own.”

She was expressionless as she responded.

Are you serious?

[spoilers for the previous arc] As the first person to be saved at this shrine, Benikujaku-chan, might say, are you serious, please?(2)

To think that even the trustworthy Ononoki-chan would turn against me, it's like the climax of a shounen manga!

I won't lie, this is thrilling!

Well, it does seem like Ononoki-chan hadn't expected this to happen either, though...

I turned back immediately, as if performing a dance step, and faced Kagenui-san once again.

She was crouching on the stone lantern, readying her fist for another go—but she held it down with her other hand.

“Sorry, sorry, I accidentally hit ya. Was 'cause I could reach ya.”

“Because you could reach me? You hit me because you could reach me?”

“Yep. I got kinda pissed off.”

...Is “getting kinda pissed off” a plausible reason to hit someone? For an edgy adolescent, maybe... But you are an adult, aren't you?

“Oh, right. It's 'cause Oshino-kun and Kaiki-kun are so soft on kids. Thought I ought to hit 'em when I meet 'em. I'm sure Nadeko Sengoku would enjoy getting hit by someone, y'know?”

I don't enjoy being hit.

Please don't twist that into a justification for hitting me. With that “Oh, right”.

Give me a break, please; I'm not going to get along with this lady in any way.

Oshino-san, maybe, but I did not get the impression that Kaiki-san was very soft on children (I heard he got kids caught up in his con game and made them his victims—in a way, I was an indirect victim of his); however, anyone would seem kind, compared to this lady.

I began to be overtaken by the feeling that I shouldn't have come here—but in order to give God-Nadeko proper closure, I had to perform this transfer, even if it's just a formality.

Speaking of which, where is the girl (goddess?) in question?

“If you're askin' about Hachikuji-chan, I've already had her start. She's bathin' in a waterfall behind the shrine.”

Waterfall bathing?

Did this shrine have a waterfall?

“Seems like she made it as a joke, but I thought we should use it more productively. As the one who's takin' over, she's got to cleanse herself, y'know? As the next goddess, she's gotta be receptive and passive here, so that's a good task for her. Now, as for the combative, active Sengoku-chan...”

What shall we do...

Atop the lantern, Kagenui-san crossed her arms. Please don't be thinking it up right now. I would very much prefer if the content of the serious ritual I'm performing isn't just thought up on the spot...

Combative, huh.

The opposite of receptive isn't combative.

So this is a transfer of divinity?

Before, when I wore a school swimsuit to perform a ritual here (Kanbaru-san misunderstood the word “purity”), I can't say it was much of a success... Circumstances are different, but maybe this will end up being revenge for back then.

“North Shirahebi Shrine... Shirahebi means 'white snake'. And 'Hachikuji' sounds like 'eight nine ten'... Hmm. Alright, let's do it.”

Kagenui-san jumped up once again. I thought she might be going back to the offertory box, but this time she didn't jump very far—it was a small jump, hardly more than a step.

That is to say, Kagenui-san... landed on top of my head.

It was such a flawless, ten-out-of-ten landing that I couldn't help but think she had whacked me there in order to check how strong it was.

But, she's light? It's like she's not even there?

The sensation was even lighter than wearing a hat.

Is this something from classical Chinese martial arts?

“You've got from now 'til mornin' to gather eighty-nine white snakes from this mountain and hand 'em over to the new goddess. That'll be the proof of your abdication in favor of the little lost girl.”

[Next Chapter]

Footnotes: (1) “Izuko” is Gaen's first name, but it's also a way of saying “where”. (2) This is my effort at translating her bizarre vocal quirk of saying “masu” after “desu” and vice versa.

[mirroredtranslations]

Mayoi Snake - Chapter 2

From Yoimonogatari by Nisioisin

[Previous Chapter]

“—And that's how [spoilers for the previous arc] Ms. Mayoi brilliantly rescued the transistor-slender(1) fifth grader. Quite a difference compared to you, eh, Nadeko?”(2)

The little doll-girl Yotsugi Ononoki-chan told me about it while maintaining the pose from the Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci, sitting in a chair in the center of my room on the second floor of the Sengoku home. Speaking of which, this little doll-girl cadaver, Yotsugi Ononoki-chan, has a public reputation as an expressionless, monotonal character, but right now she was helping me by serving as a model for my sketches, so there was a thin smile adorning her face.

She was simply stiffening her flesh (rigor mortis?) into that particular shape, though, so she certainly wasn't really smiling, but I felt like I was bearing sole witness to a rare and precious thing... I wonder why she would do so much to help me of all people while saying nasty stuff like, “Quite a difference compared to you”...

I couldn't help but think it was odd.

“I mean, Kujaku Beniguchi and Mr. Demon probably have different opinions, but I think you acted much more like a god. She went so far just to save a single human, a human from a neighboring town at that; she overdid it a little. Could even say she abused her power, disregarded her jurisdiction. There's a line of reasoning that says that a god who reigns while thinking about no one but herself, like you, is much more god-like—all a god needs to do is exist.”

“Hmm... I see.”

“But that also means that it's okay for different kinds of gods to exist. It's fine for there to be 'quite a difference' between you two. In any case, your successor has accomplished her duty, after a fashion. Could even say that her training period is now over.”

“Training period.”

“Write 'training period' in kanji, at least.”

How did she know I said that in hiragana?(3)

I'm drawing Ononoki-chan right now, not kanji.

I forgot to mention, I quit being a god, and I'm currently a hikikomori who draws manga.

Ononoki-chan comes over to see me three times a week, and helps me improve my drawing skills—I know why, of course.

She's not supporting me and my dreams for the future purely out of kindness and affection; she's monitoring me to make sure I, as something of a former goddess, don't do anything foolish.

“I think I told you before, and Mr. Demon seems to have it halfway wrong too, but basically, the only person I'm monitoring is Tsukihi Araragi. I just observe you and Mr. Demon while I'm at it. Could even say it's part of my camouflage. Luckily, Tsukihi Araragi wasn't involved this time, so I was able to really let myself shine.”

“Hmm... Tsukihi-chan.”

“I'd have been even luckier if Tsukihi Araragi had died, though... I wonder what would make that girl die...”

“Um... I'll listen to as much grumbling about your roommate as you'd like, but Ononoki-chan, please don't forget that Tsukihi-chan is kind of a close friend of mine, okay?”

“You have me as a close friend now, so you don't need her, do you?”

“I don't suppose I'll ever make friends with people who aren't dangerous...”

But, anyway, is that so.

Her training period is over.

Is it alright for me to breathe a sigh of relief?

I was playing at being a god at North Shirahebi Shrine for quite a long time, but that whole era is now completely in the past—well, it's not as though I've thought about anything so outrageous as taking another pass at it.

No matter what Ononoki-chan says, I didn't do a single thing that could be considered god-like.

Far from bringing peace to this town, I brought about chaos; I couldn't save a single person. Not even myself.

“But, Nadeko. I think you'll have to do something 'god-like' in the near future.”

“Oh? What do you mean?”

“You're aiming to become a manga artist, so I'll put it to you like this: it's a change of staff. Partly because of that stuff Mr. Kaiki did, the ritual of inheritance was delayed and left unsettled, but I think you'll have to do it properly soon. And besides, thinking of your future, it's probably high time you met Gaen-san too.”

“Change of staff”... That phrase fits it perfectly.

I see; the time has finally come for me to meet Gaen-san—she's Kaiki-san's senior, and the specialists' boss.

I've heard so much about her.

The argument could be made that she was the one who turned me into a god in the first place... But thinking about my future, it's true; she's someone I can't avoid meeting.

I'll steel my stomach.

“But Ononoki-chan, can I ask you something? What kind of person is Gaen-san?”

“There are all sorts of legends about her, right? Well, she has a gentle-mannered and friendly demeanor, so I don't think there's any reason to be afraid. It'll be up to her to decide what the ritual of divine inheritance will be, but when all is said and done, she's kind to children; she won't do anything to scare you. That's what's scary about her, though.”

Well, even if I call her scary.

She's not as scary as my Onee-chan—Ononoki-chan added, erasing the forced smile from her face.

[Next Chapter]

Footnotes: (1) The term “transistor slender” is a reference to “transistor glamour”, which means a woman is short but well-proportioned. I honestly don't know what transistors have to do with it, but I believe Ononoki's invention means “short and slim”, and she came up with the term to give Koyomi a bit of guff for his lolicon tendencies. (2) In the original, Ononoki uses the nickname she came up with for Nadeko in Nademonogatari, “Nadekou”, using the character 公 (kou) instead of 子 (ko). It's kind of a pun, but not really. If you're curious, wait for Nademonogatari to be translated. (3) In Japanese words can be written using kanji (Chinese characters), but also phonetically using kana, which is common when kanji are too difficult or when kids haven't learned them yet. Nadeko repeats the word “training period” in kana after Ononoki says it in kanji.

[mirroredtranslations]

Mayoi Snake - Chapter 1

From Yoimonogatari by Nisioisin

Before the advent of the new goddess Mayoi Hachikuji, it was Nadeko Sengoku who resided at North Shirahebi Shrine—that is to say, it was me.

Me. Me!

But it's not something I can puff up my chest with pride about; I didn't behave like much of a goddess.

Well, I recently became a third year in middle school (technically, that is; I'm not attending), I got taller, and my bust size suddenly got bigger, but I still can't puff up my chest with pride about it, nor do I remember it fondly.

Even now, when I think about what happened back then, I end up hunched over in shame.

As if a snake is raising its head at me.

I start swaying.

Yet despite that, I'm not so irresponsible as to not give this shrine or my successor any thought whatsoever. This new goddess, who had taken over where I left off—that is to say, who had taken over in the wake of the utter chaos I had caused—essentially, who had been forced to take on all my bad debt—had been on my mind, and I felt a vague sense of guilt.

Seems like it all comes back to snails.

I think there's about as much difference between snakes and snails as there is between flamenco and hula dancing, but apparently they've been pressed into a three-way deadlock theory:

The frog fears the snake, the snake fears the slug, and the slug fears the frog—in other words, snails, which are closely related to slugs, are capable of swallowing up the threat of snakes.

You might be about to say, “Oh, I see,” and think you've learned something, but if you ask me, as someone who had all hundred thousand hairs on her head turn into snakes last year, I honestly don't think this three-way deadlock theory holds water.

After all, snakes eat slugs—and snails too.

Snakes munch, crunch, and swallow them up.

There's even a mountain snake that specializes in eating snails called “Iwasaki's snail-eater”—to a snake, a frog, a slug, and a snail would look like a three-course meal.

Although that's not exactly the reason why, I was a bit worried, a bit anxious about whether Mayoi Hachikuji-chan could handle taking over the responsibility that I had abandoned.

I was so preoccupied with my own issues, I kept calmly letting chances slip by, postponing and postponing, but now that the dust has settled on my failed first love, it seems the time has finally come.

I've moved on from Koyomi-san.

Now it's time to move on from godhood.

If I don't, I won't be able to move on from middle school.

[Next Chapter]

[mirroredtranslations]

Battle of Wits with the Digital Detective - Chapter 2

Jinrui Saikyou no Tokimeki, Nisioisin p. 130-134

[Previous Chapter]

As a practical issue, the nature of a case, the nature of a crime, and the nature of a detective all vary with the times and level of technological development.

To give an easy example, the format of a mystery will be completely different depending on whether it's set before or after the popularization of cell phones.

It's getting harder and harder for a story like Arashi no Sansou (1) to exist in reality; long gone are the times when heavy rainfall could isolate an estate from the outside world.

Automobiles.

Bullet trains.

The internet.

Whenever innovation occurs in human society, the world of mystery innovates as well.

And so, for humanity's strongest contractor Jun Aikawa to have a “contest” with a digital detective—even if it's not that kind of opportunity—may have been something she had to confront at some point, a wall she would eventually have to overcome.

“Good morning. I look forward to working with you today.”

In front of the mansion that had been arranged to be today's “crime scene”, the head researcher at the Kandou Development Lab, Taeka Kandou, bowed her head with exaggerated courtesy to Jun Aikawa and her attendant Sasaki Sasa.

Although Kandou was grinning cheerfully, Sasa could detect no friendliness in her smile, nor any respect for “humanity's strongest”—well, that's to be expected, she thought.

In Kandou's view, as the one responsible for the development of the digital detective, Jun Aikawa was an opponent upon whom she had declared war—and in response to that declaration of war, Jun Aikawa had come here to return the challenge in full force.

There's no way the atmosphere would be friendly.

All that remained to be seen was whether or not they could be adults about it.

“Right. Let's do it!” …Jun Aikawa said in a relaxed tone, as if the atmosphere were actually friendly, extending her right hand toward Kandou.

She was not being an adult in the least.

“...Yes. So...”

Kandou ignored that right hand and tried to continue the discussion. Well, if you were to call that behavior rude, then surely, in Kandou's eyes, Jun Aikawa was even more rude for soliciting a handshake on the field of battle; you couldn't really blame her for it.

“Is there anything you would like to add to the rules of the contest, Aikawa-san?”

“Nope,” said Jun Aikawa, withdrawing her hand.

Normally, if she got called “Aikawa-san”, she would have said, “Don't call me by my last name. Only my enemies call me by my last name,” but in this case, Kandou was indeed her enemy, so she did not attempt any correction.

Instead, she began reviewing.

“Before the day is over, I'll have committed a murder inside this mansion. Let's define 'before the day is over' as any time within the next twenty-four hours. After that, this digital detective or whatnot that you've developed will have the next twenty-four hours to do its deduction... or investigating, or whatever. If it's able to solve the case... that is, if it's able to prove that I'm the culprit, then you win. If it can't, then I win. Those are the rules.”

“......If I might add something...”

Sasa cut in from the side.

Those rules would sound rather dangerous if you went by what Jun Aikawa said—much too free and unconcerned with morality.

They mustn't forget that this was nothing more than an experiment... or rather, in this case, a detective game.

“This mansion was generously lent to us by contacts in the Akagami Foundation; it is currently uninhabited. For the purpose of this game, several of us from the Kyoto Prefecture Police will pretend to live here, and play the roles of your hosts: the master of the house, his wife, the eldest son, the second eldest son, the eldest daughter, the maid, the butler, the cook, and the master's retired father. These nine people will 'live' in this mansion. Please imagine Jun Aikawa-san as the master's friend who's come to visit. Those are the assumptions.”

“Indeed.” Kandou listened to Sasa's words, and began clattering away at the keyboard of the small notebook computer she held in her hand. Her typing was almost insultingly smooth. “That's fine. I have already finished inputting this scenario—well, the basis of Model SH-43's analysis is data, so it is somewhat unfavorable when that data is based on a false premise; however, this is within the acceptable parameter for a handicap.”

“Is your digital detective installed on that laptop?” asked Jun Aikawa, seemingly unbothered by Kandou's insulting tone.

Kandou laughed through her nose.

“Of course not. It is highly unlikely that the program would be able to run on such a meager machine. This laptop is simply transmitting to the supercomputer at the lab—that is why I brought a broadcasting van.”

This deep in the mountains, she continued.

A broadcasting van, huh, Sasa thought.

Even though their location was outside of cell service range, that really made her realize that something like Arashi no Sansou just couldn't exist in modern times...

“......Of course, as this is an experiment, a game with rules, so to speak, Jun Aikawa-san will not actually commit a murder. She will simply pretend to kill one of the residents of the mansion; whomever Jun Aikawa-san kills out of the nine residents is entirely her own discretion.”

“In other words, it will be impossible to make deductions based on motive.”

Sasa nodded to Kandou. “Yes. Please make deductions based solely on evidence and logic, if you would be so kind.”

She realized that her tone had become as exaggeratedly courteous as Kandou's, but it was not worth correcting.

“So, let's get started,” said Jun Aikawa. “Right now it's 8:55am... how about we start the game off at nine, then?”

“Right. Let's agree to that. Jun Aikawa-san can commit the murder anytime within the next twenty-four hours. Kandou-san will be waiting outside the mansion grounds; please let her know immediately after it has been done. Concealing the fact that the murder has been committed will be deemed foul play—well, for a real crime we would not have that luxury, but this is only an experiment...”

“Got it.”

Jun Aikawa nodded, and doggedly entreated Kandou for a handshake—however, she was ignored once again.

She withdrew her hand, grinning wryly.

“Now, let's play ball,” Jun Aikawa murmured.

As if her biological clock was more accurate than a machine, that murmur of hers occurred precisely at nine o'clock—and, just after, an explosion rocked the rear side of the mansion.

[Next Chapter]

Footnotes: (1) Arashi no Sansou is a closed-circle mystery novel written by Touichirou Kujira and published by Kobunsha in 2006.