#emma berquist

[the-bi-library]

Sapphic bi4bi books part 1

Part 2.1/4 of the bi4bi books series.

Part 2 is bi4bi sapphic romances or bisexual f/f and f/nb books 💖💙💜

Check out the part 2 of bi4bi sapphic romances here

Books listed

💕 They Never Learn by Layne Fargo 💕 The Fiancée Farce by Alexandria Bellefleur (out on April 18th) 💕City of Shattered Light by Claire Winn 💕 Missing, Presumed Dead by Emma Berquist 💕The Girls I've been by Tess Sharpe 💕Cool for the Summer by Dahlia Adler 💕Payback’s a Witch by Lana Harper 💕The Lost Girls by Sonia HArtl 💕 Mistakes Were Made by Meryl Wilsner 💕 Never Ever Getting Back Together by Sophie Gonzales 💕 The Drowning Summer by Christine Lynn Herman 💕 Melt With You by Jennifer Dugan

Make sure to check the TWs and ratings for all the books if necessary! I have also created a goodreads list with these books

[lgbtqreads]

This might be a bit too specific but do you know any stories where a ghost and a human fall in love? (Or where two ghosts fall in love?)

There have got to be books like this in adult, which I'm sure people can provide in the replies, but only YA titles are coming to mind right now - Missing, Presumed Dead by Emma Berquist, Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas, and I Am The Ghost Inside Your House by Mar Romesco Moore.

[qbdatabase]

Hello, I saw that you had awesome recs for bi4bi books! I rarely have found bi4bi books in genres other than contemporary so I was hoping you could help me with that? Could you please recommend bi4bi (sapphic) books in fantasy, horror, mystery and basically any genre other than contemporary

heads up, these lists will include poly pairings with at least two female characters, pansexual / queer / unlabled multi-gender-attracted identities, and F/NB pairings

bi4bi WLW Fantasy

The Apocalypse of Elena Mendoza by Shaun David Hutchinson: Cuban-American bisexual female x white bisexual female

Payback's a Witch by Lana Harper: bisexual female x Russian-American bisexual female

The Lost Girls by Sonia Hartl: bisexual female x bisexual female

The Goddess of Nothing At All by Cat Rector: Norse bisexual female x pansexual genderfluid LI

Thornfruit by Felicia Davin: starts with lesbian female x bisexual female, but ends with an FFNB poly triad with a bisexual genderfluid MC

A Lake of Feathers and Moonbeams by Dax Murray: polyamorous bisexual female x queer non-binary MC x Asian bisexual female

Vicious Devotion by Aveda Vice: queer female x queer female x queer male x queer male in a polyamorous quartet

The Sea Witch by Katee Robert: half-Vietnamese polyamorous bisexual sub female x older fat black mga Domme female LI x (sub?) male LI in a polyamorous triad

bi4bi WLW Historical

The Companion by E. E. Ottoman: polyamorous bisexual transgender female x bisexual transgender female x transgender male

Her Countess to Cherish by Jane Walsh: pregnant bisexual female x mga bigender LI

Mademoiselle Revolution by Zoe Sivak: biracial Haitian bisexual female x French bisexual female (possible) LI; French male (possible) LI

Windfall by Shawna Barnett: bisexual female MC x bisexual female MC x asexual male LI x male LI (love square, but the bi!F MCs do also romance each other)

Scandalous Passions by Nicola Davidson: Domme bisexual female x sub questioning bisexual female x sub straight male with a stutter in a polyamorous triad

bi4bi WLW Horror

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: mga female x queer female

A Dowry of Blood by S. T. Gibson: polyamorous bisexual female x bisexual female with mood swings and depression x bisexual male

bi4bi WLW Mystery

Missing, Presumed Dead by Emma Berquist: bisexual female x bisexual female

All the Things We Do in the Dark by Saundra Mitchell: white pansexual female with PTSD x Korean-American queer mga female

The Girls I've Been by Tess Sharpe: bisexual female x mga female

Bury the Lede by Gaby Dunn: bisexual female x bisexual female, black lesbian female

The Night She Disappeared by Lisa Jewell: mga female x straight male (possible) LI; bisexual female (possible) LI

The Drowning Summer by Christine Lynn Herman: bisexual female x bisexual female

bi4bi WLW Sci-Fi

Curved Horizon by Taylor Brooke: bisexual female x demisexual panromantic female

City of Shattered Light by Claire Winn: chronically ill bisexual female x Japanese/ Portugese bisexual female

Victories Greater Than Death by Charlie Jane Anders: white pansexual female x black Brazilian bisexual trans-nonbinary femme

Honor Among Thieves by Rachel Caine: black bisexual female x Brazilian bisexual female x bisexual male in a polyamorous triad

full notes on representation and publishing info at qbdatabase.com

[thewavesbrokeontheshore]

What I read in December and in January or how the year ended and how the next one started

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson Why all ​“eat the rich” satire looks the same now by Patrick Sproull Everything You Know About Obesity Is Wrong by Michael Hobbes Why I changed my mind on MAiD by Jeremy Appel Matter of Honour by Sarah Souli (tw: femicides, gore depictions)

BONUS - What I read in November, October and September 22

Το Ημερολόγιο ενός Εξωγήινου by Νίκος Παναγιωτόπουλος

Γιατί σκότωσα την καλύτερή μου φίλη by Αμάντα Μιχαλοπούλου

Το Λυκόφως των Ανθρώπων by Άγγελος Τερζάκης

The Iliad or the Poem of Force by Simone Weil

Free by Lea Ypi

A Love Letter to the Girls Who Die First in Horror Films by Lindsay King-Miller

True Crime Is Rotting Our Brains by Emma Berquist

Kindred by Octavia Butler (tw: slavery, n word, rape, racism, violence, gore)

Who Killed my Father by Louis Edouard (tw: domestic violence, homophobia)

[nedlittle]

[alt]

i read a total of 15 books in december (170% of my yearly goal) and 5179 pages (185% of my yearly goal). my favourite was the fitzosbornes at war by michelle cooper, and my least favourite was loch down abbey by beth cowan-erskine.

full breakdown of star ratings and reviews under the cut 🖊📚

loch down abbey by beth cowan-erskine 2⭐ [historical, mystery] [review]

don't look now and other stories by daphne du maurier 3.5⭐ [horror, classics] [review]

the celluloid closet: homosexuality in the movies by vito russo 4.5⭐ [film, queer] [review]

viviana valentine gets her man (viviana valentine #1) by emily j. edwards 3.25⭐ [history, mystery] [review]

bad kids by zijin chen (tr. michelle deeter) 4⭐ [crime, thriller] [review]

trick mirror: reflections on self-delusion by jia tolentino 3.75⭐ [essays] [review]

missing, presumed dead by emma berquist 3.5⭐ [queer, fantasy, ya] [review]

island queen by vanessa riley 3⭐ [historical, romance] [review]

little fish by casey plett 4⭐ [queer, contemporary] [review]

secrets typed in blood (pentecost & parker #3) by stephen spotswood 3.5⭐ [historical, mystery, queer] [review]

northanger abbey by jane austen 3.5⭐ [classics, romance] [review]

ghostland: an american history in haunted places by colin dickey 5⭐ [history, sociology] [review]

the fitzosbornes in exile (the montmaray journals #3) by michelle cooper 5⭐ [historical fiction, ya] [review]

the girls: sappho goes to hollywood by diana mclellan 3⭐ [nonfiction, film] [review]

what the living do: poems by marie howe 3.75⭐ [poetry] [review]

[clownboy-brainrot]

3, 5, 15, 27, 34 for thé ask game !

checked my inbox. found this and one other ask from 2022 that i only just saw. time is an illusion and i have some free time so i'm just going to answer anyway!

3) What was the last song you listened to? 

Wheatley's Song (Portal 2) - Miracle of Sound

5) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? 

yeah!! a few, actually. some of the main ones are ellie the goose, the unnamed clown goose, toby the TBH creature, fufu the bunny, maddie the cheetah, storm the dalmation, liam the lemur, and pearlpelt the seal. i don't cuddle with them all every night, as my arms simply are not big enough, but they are all on my bed =•]

15) What’s your favorite season? 

that is a good question.. probably either autumn or spring! the weather is nice and the plants are doing interesting things!

27) What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? 

i have never been good at picking favourites, so i'll just list a few that i like/remember liking.

Devils Unto Dust - Emma Berquist

Wilder Girls - Rory Power

Howl's Moving Castle - Diana Wynne Jones

Story of Your Life - Ted Chiang

34) What’s your favorite flower? 

i don't know flowers very well, if i'm being honest. i do think that picasso lilies, snap dragons, and any bright yellow flower are especially pretty, though!

[littlelibraryinthewoods]

historical zombie books

devils into dust // emma berquist -- (western) - Texas is stricken with a horrific infection, and Willie must go in search of her father across the desert in the midst of it. 

dread nation // justina ireland -- (the late 1800s) - Jane is working toward a career in protecting rich families from zombies, but some of the families begin to go missing.

pride and prejudice and zombies // seth grahame-smith -- (the early 1800s) - retelling of the classic Pride and Prejudice but with zombies.

[declaredmissing]

wanting someone older and wiser to save me

There was a night I fell asleep crying and heard my sister’s voice in my head, “it’ll be okay, little moon.” I realized how much I missed the best friend I used to have in my sister. That relationship is lost, and I don’t know how to recover it or where to go from there. When I find myself missing ‘my sister’, I wonder if I’m really longing for an older figure to reassure me that everything would be alright. I don’t know how to be that person for myself. There’s a person I’m afraid of becoming, and I don’t know why.

I dreamed last summer of a human rights lawyer walking into the house with the broken refugee family, taking the little girl away and saving her when the girl was about to jump. How explicitly my subconscious was telling me I long for a mother, for a hero, for some magic person to provide me unconditional love and protection and kindness. A dream showing me how I wanted to rescue others before myself. I wanted someone else to rescue me, because I didn’t trust myself to be there for me.

There’s a little girl, standing at the edge of a window, about to jump in the pool, and she wants someone older and wiser and kind to sweep in and save her. She’s my daughter, and she’s me, and she’s the little girl inside my mother too, inside probably every woman I’ve ever known.

Self-destruction used to be the only language I knew when I needed help. In times I felt the most rage, I felt driven to prove I was more willing to destroy myself and go further than anyone else would. Dumping my journals and writing in the trash can, letter opener to my skin, to my paintings. Ending friendships, cutting my ties to the world. Erasing myself was the only way I felt I could exert control in a life where I otherwise felt helpless. It was my attempt to speak, to beg people to see that I wasn’t okay, to ask them to care, but in a manifested in a cry for help that didn’t speak at all. I wanted someone to stop me. To tell me I was too valuable to be lost. But there’s no wiser or older figure who’s going to sweep in and reassure me of my value. Realizing that left me with a deep and aching loneliness, but instead of turning others, I decided to contain the pain, and this reduced me to being isolated and weaker. I searched for security by deciding to enter a ‘men’s world’; safety in self control and self restraint.

In response to my own fear, I decided to develop a tough skin to protect myself. I found myself looking up to fictional figures with traditional masculine traits – self control, determination, cool, emotional discipline, and mastery. Self-sufficient, independent women, who are fucked over in many ways but refused to be helpless. Alienated with no support system, but plenty of rage to fuel them. Aimee, Lisbeth Salander, Aomame, Lara Croft. They had a voice, and they had power, even if it was in a sense dressing over deeper wounds, to protect the softer parts of their underbelly. I thought rescuing myself meant being untouchable. Being able to defend myself. To not be scared anymore. I wanted to be both weapon and armor itself. The kind of girl who could walk home alone at night and have nothing to be afraid of.

Emma Berquist in her article True Crime Is Rotting Our Brains observed, “So many true crime shows advise women to trust their instincts, but how can we trust instincts that have been hijacked by induced anxiety?” She worried that being primed to read danger in innocent situations “are not sensible reactions, they are the thoughts of someone who has been deeply traumatized.” I wonder how much of my instincts for survival are led by misreading the world. Defaulting to believing this world is a dangerous place, and in my body, I am not safe here. I often think of the police officer I dated, who was alert and guarded and could sense in every gesture or open space, the potential for danger. I related to him. I understood him. I wanted to become what he did in his response to fear.

Much of the criticism against women’s self-defense are objecting to how women must prime themselves to signals of danger. How we must be the ones to train and protect ourselves, instead of questioning society and demanding that society as a whole must become a safer place. It skews our perception of danger.

We are primed with our hands holding our keys in the the way that alert, vulnerable women do walking alone at night.

Many of my heroines are driven by anger, of experiencing women in their lives being abducted or murdered. Who they become is from the effect of these stories on their psyche.

Our very culture skews crime and violence to embed fear within us. I’ve been thinking of other insiduous ways it does this, encouraging us to mistrust each other, read danger into each other, in the name of encouraging safety, being alert. As a smokescreen to distract us from the deeper causes of violence. Heightened fear became the underlying landscape driving me to muay thai, combat sports, self defense. When I walk alone at night, every stranger could potentially whip out a knife. They warn of this in kali, demonstrating how casually one could stab you, as if it were a normal thing to expect. If, according to Berquist, “crime stories are a fundamentally conservative way of looking at the world,” what would a radical way of looking be? What would be the opposite of ‘fear-stoking propaganda’? What would it mean to practice self-defense as a way of truly finding power in oneself, rather than it being a reactive way of seeking power, like a man buying a gun?

I’ve been thinking about it what it means to take agency for my own life. There are days I feel like I’m just barely threading myself together; that I’m only just holding on to the strands that bind me. I think of how I’ve grown, since I first commuted to Brooklyn to learn Muay Thai, wrapping my hands on the train. Looking for courage. Looking for armor. Combat sports has become my lifeline when I don’t know what else to do with myself. It’s hard earned confidence. Focusing on the bag is a way of channeling my anxiety to a certain outcome–I know how to practice. I know that this isn’t wasted effort. The concentration and energy feel productive. There’s no confusion. Each strike is its own reward.

I found some kind of fulfillment and reward through the repetition of kicking a bag. Driven to perfect my roundhouse kick, fueled by the thrill of a perfectly executed kick. I learned to build habits and structure through long term persistence and self-forgiveness. It was the best thing I did for myself at that time in my life where I was going through a personal crisis.

I found survival in the drive to keep working, with a laser-like intensity, on something even after I’ve lost immediate interest. Learning what rules I do want to form for myself. Reward in my tenacity in itself; not to be recognized or to feel safer, but in the sheer joy of seeing myself improve. Survival in discovering my ability to stick with something even when it was hard.

Turning to martial arts and starting to fully grasp just how powerful I can be – how overwhelming it is to lean into something new, to be bad, to persist–and then to be truly whole-heartedly empowered by the results. Training myself to not be disappointed so easily by my failure or clumsiness, at how my body simply did not know yet. To not feel frustrated that I was getting it wrong, or that it wasn’t coming together or feeling easy yet. Enduring hardships and learning the grace to bear them well.

Finding agency through martial arts hasn’t solved my life problems, and it doesn’t make the world objectively less dangerous.

Now, I just want to live from joy and wonder; to run towards, not from.

But with tenderness and infinite patience, I’ve learned, along the way, that no one else is going to do it for me. It’s a hard lesson to accept. I grew armor as a kid, learning to rely on myself, but at heart, hoping someday someone would care for me. I held on to that fantasy, and my anger came from the injustice of feeling that was withheld from me. I struggle to accept that no one else is going to tell me the words that I want to hear, but it’s hard for me to feel like it’s okay to say those things to myself. But I hope to let go, to accept with grace that my belief in myself should not be dependent on others believing in me. There will be people who love me, who treat me kindly, generously, but if I’m able to unfailingly protect myself–be sacred to myself, treat myself like I would be my own daughter–then I’ll never be breakable.

focus on the evolution in my perception of/relationship to martial arts.

The moment I decided to box was when I watched Tomb Raider, and Vikander, the underdog, was hurling herself at her opponent and refusing to give up. And I thought, maybe I could have it in me too. Croft, or the way Vikander played her – was vulnerable but also tough. She was someone who chose the hard path. Scrappy and resourceful and uncertain. And I identified with her. There is something triumphant and hopeful to be found in a character who, at the end, discovers just how truly powerful she is after emerging through crisis.

[typeghost]

[the-bi-library]

Here is the final part of the bi4bi books posts!

I'd appreciate it if you let me know if there are any more bi4bi books that I didn't include here 💕

Books listed: They Never Learn by Layne Fargo If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio Silver Nitrate by Silvia Moreno-Garcia The Drowning Summer by C.L. Herman Case Sensitive by A.K. Turner Missing, Presumed Dead by Emma Berquist Her Soul to Take by Harley Laroux Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao City of Shattered Light by Claire Winn City of Vicious Night by Claire Winn The Light Years by R.W.W. Greener The Apocalypse of Elena Mendoza by Shaun David Hutchinson Tell Me Anything by Skye Kilaen Her Scarlet Letters by Cat Giraldo Break Free by Raleigh Ruebins Modern Divination by Isabel Agajanian Caroline's Heart by Austin Chant The Door Into Fire by Diane Duane The Stone Prince by Fiona Patton Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner Wolf, Willow, Witch by Freydís Moon When the Stars Alight by Camilla Andrew Love at First Set by Jennifer Dugan Cleans Up Nice by Margo Phelps Educated by Nellie Wilson Queried Sick by Dallas Smith Chance Agreement by Margo Phelps Sirens & Muses by Antonia Angress Release by Suzanne Clay Orphia and Eurydicius by Elyse John Crown of Starlight by Cait Corrain To Beg or Not to Beg by Cat Giraldo Two Winters by Lauren Emily Whalen Electric Idol by Katee Robert Neon Gods by Katee Robert The Scandalous Letters of V and J by Felicia Davin The Spinster's Swindle by Catherine Stein Rocky Mountain Freedom by Vivian Arend Um traço até você by Olívia Pilar Biforia by Rebecca Romero Escalando Você by Rebecca Romero Entre estantes by Olívia Pilar → translated Between Bookshelves by Olívia Pilar Honor Among Thieves by Rachel Caine Victories Greater Than Death by Charlie Jane Anders The Stars Undying by Emery Robin Legend of Korra: Graphic Novels Harley Quinn: The Eat. Bang! Kill. Tour Novels Seven Days: Monday–Sunday by Venio Tachiban Brimstones and Roses It Would Be Great If You Didn't Exist My Werewolf Girlfriend The Fiancée Farce by Alexandria Bellefleur Xeni by Rebekah Weather

Part 1

Part 2

[st-just]

I think, somewhat horrifyingly, of what the internet sleuths would find on my own Instagram if I hadn’t survived my attack. Would my story have been the kind that was featured on a podcast, two bantering hosts dissecting my life and my book choices in between plugging ads for affordable furniture? I think I would rather get stabbed again than have TikTok users descend like vultures on my social media, zooming in on pictures of my messy bedroom to analyze the tedious minutia of my deeply average life.

Emma Berquist, True Crime Is Rotting Our Brains

[aquotecollection]

It all becomes very simple in my mind. All the wrong choices I’ve made in my life, all the mistakes, they lie out behind me like faulty footsteps. I can see it: every time I should have been kinder, or quicker, or better, every point I should have turned back or started over; it’s all there, written in the dirt. I can’t erase it, can’t undo it or fix it. I can’t go back to make things right, all I can do is go forward. And maybe this, this one thing, I can do right.

Emma Berquist, Devils Unto Dust

[backstagegondolin]

the You're Wrong About podcast has a fantastic episode about this, True Crime with Emma Berquist - she also wrote an article on the topic. she was actually the victim of a completely random knife attack and she noticed that people around her acted the way her PTSD (for which she was actively in therapy) wanted her to act.

the Stranger Danger one is also quite good.

there is also an interesting episode on serial killers - turns out there are not as many of them as tv procedurals and true crime media make it seem. and here's something about human trafficking, too (which as usual is an existing problem, just much less "glamorous" than fiction makes it out to be, and the biggest issue is a lack of protection for workers and global inequality which creates occasions for exploitation. much more rare is the stranger kidnapping).

i am aware that i've only quoted one source for all this, so i encourage you to find your own and do some reading on crime rates, policing and such in your own area (for example i consume way too much US media, like the aforementioned podcast, but i do try to at least look up stats for the country i live in)

lately ive noticed early-twenties women saying they dont feel safe going into grocery stores, gas stations, etc alone and to me this seems like an entirely new phenomenon possibly caused by pandemic isolation or true crime hysteria. like jesus you are not going to get kidnapped in a walmart at 3 pm that is not a normal thing to worry about or sacrifice your independence for. i used to walk home alone at dark armed with a lit cig when i was 20. and i didnt get assaulted by strangers in public but by men i felt close to who i would've depended on to chaperone me if id had this weird mentality. has anyone else noticed this or have i just met a few very weird young women lately.........

[sarahspy]

It’s easy and correct to condemn Fox News for increasing our grandparents’ blood pressure, keeping them in a perpetual state of fear about roving gangs of MS-13 coming to their gated communities, but we should also consider that other demographics might be susceptible to fear-stoking propaganda. How can we listen to story after story of women being abducted or murdered and expect it to not have an effect on our psyche? A study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania found that fear of crime and violence on television have both increased over time, despite crime rates declining, and that women reported more fear of crime on surveys than men. True crime runs on heightened emotion and fear, convincing people, and especially women, that every stranger is a possible murderer. I see women on Twitter questioning whether it’s safe to let a plumber into their house, or instructing others to rip out strands of hair to leave in cabs for DNA evidence in case the driver murders you. These are not sensible reactions, they are the thoughts of someone who has been deeply traumatized. So many true crime shows advise women to trust their instincts, but how can we trust instincts that have been hijacked by induced anxiety?

Emma Berquist, True Crime Is Rotting Our Brains

[layaart]

Lexi & Jane from Missing, Presumed Dead by Emma Berquist.

[lgbtqreads]

Fave Five: New Queer Halloween Reads This doesn't include any of the titles recently posted under Queer Necromancy, Ghostly Queer YA…