#emilyi prentiss

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds S06E17 “Valhalla” review - or more aptly named, the plot begins to untangle and I’m defs scared for Emily ... also, my heart remains Team Derek all the way.

Episode 17 – Valhalla

Hey everyone!!!! So ... I have a feeling that shit is about to start hitting the fan here. So I’m on the edge of my seat with anticipation of what’s to happen and dread for Ems.

Oh dear, okay - deep breaths.

Let’s see what happens.

Okay, so Emily is still handling those thrteesome meetings a la Sting/James Bond and meeting this time on a subway. Freaky.

“We?”

“Ian Doyle is here in DC.”

“I sat next to him last night.”

“He said if I warned my team or told anyone, he’d kill them.”

“He’s not working alone.”

“No, no, he’s a power assertive psychopath. He doesn’t play games. He’s meticulous. He plans everything down to the last detail.”

So now that he’s threatened the team she won’t ask for their help? Oh god this is getting frazzled, and fast.

“No. No way. This isn’t their fight. And I won’t take that risk.”

“We already tried. Look how that ended up.”

“I’m not undercover anymore.”

“DC isn’t his comfort zone, it’s mine.”

“This ends here.”

I’m seriously scared right now.

Did that house just go kaboom?

“Two DC homes torched, two families, on the same night, last night.”

“I’m surprised it still hasn’t hit the news.”

“It’s already mid-day.”

“Yeah. All anyone’s talking about is this storm that may or may not hit.”

“I managed to find an online article about the fires written by this guy Jeff Hastings, but no one’s running with it.”

“How strange. They usually thrive on tragedy.”

“Yeah, and it gets weirder.”

“Ron and Lauren Cosenza and their 10-year-old son were found in the master bedroom of their home, each shot through the forehead.”

“The gun belonged to the father.”

“Murder-suicide?”

“Well, it looks like Metro PD’s investigation is going that way, but it’s still the first 48.”

“They want our help.”

“Kerry and Frank Fagan, like the Cosenzas, were found in their master bedroom from a suspected gas leak.”

“Any connection between the families?”

“Only one. A continent. Kerry Fagan was born in Germany, Ron Cosenza is from Italy.”

“So two of the five victims are from Europe. How does that help?”

“It doesn’t. I’m just stating the facts, and the facts happen to be …”

Hey, don’t shoot the lovely messenger!

“Guys, I’m sorry I’m late.”

“You okay?”

My concerned gorgeous chocolate drop.

“Yeah, it’s just one of those weeks, I guess. I’m sorry. What did I miss? Arsonist?”

If that���s not suspicious behavior, I don’t know what is. I don’t like this ...

“One appears to be murder-suicide, the other a freak accident.”

“So why are we looking at it?”

“Houses fire are rare. Add to that a few miles apart, within the same hour, kind of tips the scales of coincidence.”

“Yeah, if somebody did this, they’re highly motivated and organized.”

“And if he wants to strike again, he’s got 72 hours before the storm shuts the city down.”

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“What’s his name?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Oh, answering a question with a question. That’s interesting.”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what, probing?”

“Seriously.”

“I’m gonna make it my life’s work to find out who this boy is …”

“Stop. Just stop.”

“We have enough to worry about already, don’t we?”

Did she just seriously snap at my lovely probing goddess? Oh, she is off to a rocky start with me. I get that she’s stressed. But no need to take it out on my lovely perfect lovely.

Lao Tzu: “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

Oh holy shit, that is powerful stuff.

“What’s with the security.”

“Why the steel door?”

“What did he do for a living?”

“Oh, computer networking, and the Fagans were financial advisors.”

“These neighbors don’t require anything more than an average deadbolt, certainly nothing on the bedroom doors. It’s like a panic room.”

“Yeah, but there’s nothing in this room that’s high tech. There’s no surveillance cameras, average alarm system. In an average area.”

“But he had a 40-caliber and a load of locks. What was this guy afraid of?”

“Or who?”

“Maybe himself.”

“If he actually killed his family, then he’s been hiding something.”

“There’s no history of any kind of psychological weirdness with either family. They were healthy, happy, fit.”

“Until last night.”

“Any signs of financial stress?”

“No. They were healthy on that front, too.”

“What’s with the …”

“Oh. The heat is out in my lair. Not a single snowflake has fallen and yet the weather remains the top news story.”

Oh my god, I love my stylish goddess.

“Nothing about these cases?”

“No. they’re bound to get hip to it.”

“Once our presence is felt and we connect the cases, it’ll be a ballroom blitz.”

“What is it?”

“Hmm. You know, considering the time these fires occurred, the habitual patterns of both families were in direct conflict with where the bodies were found.”

“The master bedroom.”

“Yeah, normally Lauren Cosenza would be downstairs helping her son with his homework, and Ron wouldn’t even be home from work yet.”

“What about the Fagans?”

“Their routines were less established. They travelled a lot.”

“But they were expected at a dinner party last night.”

“If someone did this, what are the chances these victims are random?”

“What do you think?”

“Two families, same night, mysterious deaths. Doesn’t happy every day.”

“The gas leak at the Fagan house and then the other fire suspected to be set by Mr. Cosenza to cover the murder-suicide.”

“He killed them, set the fire, then killed himself. That fits.”

“He didn’t have signs of smoke inhalation either.”

“Even though the fire started in the master bedroom?”

Oh dear lord, this is turning into one fucking nasty  case.

“Garcia hasn’t found any connection between the victims.”

“There has to be one.”

“On paper they’re perfect. Everything’s clean. But what happened to them last night was anything but.”

What the ... oh, she got a text.

“You okay?”

“People text like it’s not as intrusive as a phone call.”

“You know, you haven’t had a vacation in a while. Weren’t you talking about Italy?”

“My mother extended her trip there. It wouldn’t be much of a vacation.”

“It’s a big country.”

“Not big enough.”

My face:

“Well, think about it.”

“I will.”

“And pick a place where that thing won’t work.”

“Yeah.”

Oh my God, Emily, just tell them already!

“I’m sorry. I thought you were in there.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m … I’m … I’m sure these victims overlap somehow.”

“Garcia pulled their phone numbers, but so far I can’t find anything.”

“You just jumped.”

“I’ve been having these really intense headaches lately.”

"Have you seen a doctor?”

"Yeah, a few. None of them have been able to figure I tout.”

“Oh. I’m … Sorry.”

“Does anyone know?”

“You.”

Oh, my heart just melted so fucking bad right now.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“I know.”

“They’d just worry. Not that you’re not gonna worry, but they’ll just make me feel like a baby. You know?”

But you’ are my baby! I love you!

“I do.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good.”

“You’ve been picking your fingernails again.”

“Yeah.”

“You only do that when you’re stressed.”

“It’s just a bad habit.”

“You coming?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“The media blitz I promised never came.”

“The original online article written by a one Mr. Jeff Hastings … pulled.”

“So with your permission, sir, I would like to track him down and figure out what the hell is going on.”

“What’s the connection?”

“It’s a small one. Both families coach soccer on the hill.”

“The Fagans didn’t have children.”

“No. But Kerry Fagan coached her godson’s team.”

My beautiful goddess is incorporating profiling into her work, and I fucking love her so much 

“The two victims from Europe were the soccer coaches.”

“It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“I’m beginning to think that they’ve crossed paths before.”

I’m sorry, I had to pause a little. Focusing on those big yummy hands of Shemar’s ... if that whole hand-penis ratio is accirate ... unf.

“I ran the victims’ phone numbers. They never contacted each other, but there is a common number between them.”

“Give it.”

I’ll give you anything and everything, goddess.

.... sorry, I’ve been watching too much 2 Broke Girls today (it turns my brain even filthier than usual)

“Byron Delaney, his wife Grace died last summer, children grown.”

“What do you know? He’s British.”

“Garcia, send me the address.”

“I’ll grab Prentiss.”

“Sent.”

Oh God, I am seriously terrified of what is going on here. These fuckers are taking out European immigrants like flies and it’s scary.

“So what’s your take on these guys?”

“They’re contradicting themselves, exposing bodies but then going through hall of this to hide it.”

“Do you think they wanted us on the case?”

“Us, the BAU? Why would they?”

“Ego. Control. Some kind of agenda.”

“I don’t think we’re even on their radar, Prentiss. Do you?”

“You’re right. Why would we be?”

“Maybe nobody’s home.”

“Garcia never got an answer.”

“Prentiss, get down!”

“Look out!”

Are they fucking shooting at my honeys???? I’m going to kill those assholes!

“Well, this is one story that’s not gonna get buried.”

Yes, Prentiss got the fucker!

Fuck. It’s Ian. SCREW YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHAT!

“He’s just a kid. He can’t be more than 25.”

“A kid with an assault weapon isn’t just a kid anymore.”

“Four rounds total.”

“That one’s yours. You hit his femoral artery.”

“He was dead and they knew it.”

“Bet he didn’t bargain on that when he signed up.”

“He’s got two shots to the head and then one in the wrist. Why the wrist?”

“To make sure he can’t return fire?”

“He was dead before his head hit the sidewalk.”

Damn, that’s cold.

“Prentiss.”

“He’s got a tattoo, at least what’s left of one.”

“They blew a hole through the tattoo because we could have ID’ed him.”

“So they’re confident we can’t ID his face or prints.”

“No GSWs, no signs of strangulation.”

“Dave.”

“His shoe’s untied.”

“Injected between the toes. Made to look like a heart attack.”

I’m about to hurl, I hate injections.

“Armor tech windows, 6-pin locks on the entrance door.”

“Same as the Fagans and the Cosenzas.”

“20,000 in cash. Passport. This guy was on the move.”

“Outgoing calls. 3218. That’s Kerry Fagan. 10:30 AM. 10:31, Delaney calls the Cosenzas.”

“Both calls last only seconds.”

“Didn’t leave a message.”

“Didn’t try to warn him.”

“Somebody warned him. If not on the phone then in person.”

“Whatever these victims have in common or whatever they were a part of … didn’t happen on US soil.”

“Three of the six victims are from Europe. And the mini beryl says they’re serious.”

“We saw how they move. They’ve got to be ex-military.”

“European hit squad cleaning house? It’s happened before.”

“They could have taken us out … easily. Why didn’t they?”

“FBI agents gunned down in DC would have definitely started a war.”

“A war this kid wasn’t prepared for. He’s just a foot soldier. Whoever shot him is the leader.”

“Someone must have warned Byron Delaney to get out. And whoever it is is next on the list.”

Oh my goodness, my blonde goddess doing the Bond gig is the best ever.

“The Helmsman’s Wife. I just finished it. It’s so sad.”

“I just started it.”

“Oh! Sorry. It’s a great read to that bit. The end, the sad bit, with the wife, super tragic. You know?”

“You are?”

“You’re Jeff, right?”

“Penelope Garcia. Nice to see you.”

“Oh, we haven’t. I’m with the FBI.”

“Why did you pull that story?”

“The FBI didn’t tell you to pull it, did they?”

“Listen, two families died in those fires. You were suspicious and you were right to be.”

“I’m a … hired nerd for the behavioral analysis unit.”

“I think that theory should be at the beginning part of your story.”

“Okay, maybe not now, but when whoever is telling you to pull it is no longer a threat, with the right source it could be front page.”

“It could be the next Watergate.”

“It could lead to a book.”

“Your book.”

“Shareholders that are affected detrimentally?”

“Follow the money?”

“Oh, that sounds like a very good ending.”

“For you, I mean.”

My poodle is making na doodle.

“Reid, you got anything?”

“The damage is pretty extensive, but luckily some of the tattoo remains.”

“Seaver, get the victim’s photo out to the press. I think I know who dug the hole.”

“The journo told me to follow the money, like straight up, that’s what he told me, so I did.”

“It turns out The Gazette is owned by a multinational global conglomerate … oil, new technologies, shipping, air and ground transportation, all of which employ the services of one company … CWS.”

“Clear Water Securities?”

“You know them?”

“I’ve come across them. They’re a private counterintelligence group out of Geneva.”

“Ron Cosenza, Byron Delaney, Kerry Fagan, all worked for CWS.”

“How long ago?”

“Seven years ago.”

“Seaver, hang up.”

“Do we have a problem?”

“Well, CWS does.”

“Got it.”

Oops. Penelope interrupted her undercover call.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I’m good.”

“I’m not a profiler, but you …”

“Don’t start.”

Did she just snap at my goddess again? I”m really angry right now.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m … I’m gonna be all right.”

“I’m just really worried about you.”

“I think the flu is going around.”

“Are you pregs?”

“No. No.”

“No, I’m just … I’m not sleeping.”

“I’m having this nightmare. It’s a recurring nightmare.”

“I … There’s a hill, and there’s a little girl on top of the hill. She’s like six years old, dark hair. And she’s just dancing in the sun. But somehow I know that she’s waiting for me, so I start walking up the hill … But the hill gets steeper and steeper, and by the time I climb to the top, the little girl’s gone.”

“And I look everywhere for her, and when I can’t find her, I start to panic.”

“And I panic because I know what’s waiting out there for her. I know what the world can do to a girl who only sees beauty.”

“Like you.”

“Somehow you … always make me smile. And I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for that.”

“Hotch needs you in SCIF.”

“Okay.”

I  don’t like seeing my angel this way. I don’t like this at all.

Can I just say? Derek confronting CWS like this? Seriously pushing all the right buttons.

“Why did you pull that story?”

“That’s how you remember them.”

“And that is how they are now.”

“You warned your friend Byron Delaney. You knew him the longest. It’s too bad you were too late.”

“Business?”

“Kerry Fagan, Ron Cosenza, and Byron Delaney, they all worked for CWS.”

“So they were subcontracted to you.”

“And that would be?”

“Whoever is killing these families holds your company responsible, not the government.”

“So you’ve already started investigations?”

“That’s why you pulled the story.”

“These people were killed on US soil by trained suspects who fired on federal agents. As a courtesy and out of respect for the predicament your company now faces, everything in this room is off the record.”

“However, outside this room, if you withhold information about the case, you and your company will be held fully accountable.”

Standing up and clapping for Hotch.

“We’re looking for a European team, with considerable training. And for one of them, it’s personal.”

“Because they could have spared the child, but they chose not to.”

“The killing of Samuel Cosenza by one of the team was personal.”

“One of the attackers shot last night had the remains of a tattoo on his wrist.”

“On the surface the tattoo may look like a simple four-leaf clover. But the stem has a V at the end. We believe this is associated with a hidden sect of fallen warriors.”

“It’s also the name of a ship famous for its journeys from Dublin to America, the Valhalla.”

“Have you seen this before?”

“What’s his name?”

Ian Doyle.

Okay. So let me get this straight. All those people were hired spies, and when they got close to Valhalla, Ian got rid of them, and because Lauren/Emily was closest to him technically (still waiting for that one), then she is next on his list? I am seriously going to kill this fucker.

“Okay, Ian Doyle’s officially on everyone’s list. His mug’s all over the place.”

“He’s not gonna be able to get out of the district unless he sprouts wings himself.”

“It’s not that I’m not happy that we have his name, but how are we supposed to know who’s on his list?”

“We study his life and every single person he’s ever come in contact with.”

“Look, Doyle’s been away for seven years, but he still managed to figure out who the players were. Maybe we should start with how he got out of prison.”

“Well, where was he locked up?”

“Russia, I think.’

“Actually, there are no extradition papers on him. Was Doyle on your radar when you were at Interpol?”

“Uh, sure, I had heard of him, but direct contact? I’d have to ask around.”

“Do.”

“Good guys and bad keep files close to them.”

“What are in these files?”

“It’s intel. Insurance. Protection. For times like this.”

“Maybe I should go to Byron Delaney’s house and see what I can find.”

“Take Prentiss with you. She might have some insight.”

“No one’s getting back to you?”

“I only have a couple of contacts, but they’ll get back to me.”

“What, are we being followed, 007?”

“No, but you should go through the city. 65 is gonna be miserable right now.”

“We’ll get here.”

“Oh, before Doyle takes somebody else out? He’s shooting up federal agents. What’s he gonna do next?”

“What would you like me to do?”

“Get creative with your driving.”

“I’m working on it, Prentiss.”

Did she just criticize his driving? Oh boy, bad move, Prentiss.

“Hey. Thanks for getting back. I need some intel on Ian Doyle.”

“Are you alone?”

“Not at all. Anything you can spare.”

“Is your team in danger?”

“Absolutely. You should start with our victims, Ron Cosenza, Kerry Fagan, Byron Delaney. See if they connect to Doyle in any way.”

“I’ll be waiting for it. Thanks.”

“They got something?”

“I don’t know. We’ll see.”

“You know, Emily, you really need to trust people.”

“I trust people.”

“No, you don’t. you don’t because you can’t.”

“And I get it. Every time you tried to count on someone, they let you down, so you go it alone.”

“You’ll never admit that because you’re just too damn stubborn.”

“It’s all right. It doesn’t matter.”

“But I’ll tell you what does matter. That you can trust me, Emily. With anything.”

“I’m serious. No matter how awful you think it is, I promise you, you are not alone.”

“I just wish you’d believe that.”

“I do. You profile me again, you’ll wish you hadn’t.”

Ah, that rare gorgeous smile. I love those.

“The more players we get on this board, the sooner Erin will get her nose in it.”

“Strauss already knows.”

“I’m surprised she wasn’t in the SCIF.”

“She’s on vacation.”

“Oh, great. Now she’ll never take another one.”

I seriously needed Rossi’s humor. I didn’t realize how much I did until he uttered this sentence XD

“Is everything about this guy classified?”

“Somebody knows him. We just haven’t found them yet.”

“There’s a safe in the bedroom.”

“Behind a big painting?”

“Yeah, it’s not gonna be in there.”

“It’s gonna be somewhere where he can sit and still gain access to it.”

“And he’s gotta be quick.”

“Get outta here.”

He did NOT just say that! I love Shemar moore and the writing team so fucking much right now.

“That’s Dreyer. Kerry Fagan, Ron Cosenza.”

“Delaney’s not in it.”

“Why would he have that picture?”

“Maybe he was their handler.”

“Here’s the million dollar question … Anyone know what language that is?”

“Those are villages in North Korea.”

”I love you. Of course she does.”

“There’s a political prison near Haengyong-Ni. Camp 22. Kwan-Li-So. North Korea denies it exists.”

“You think they took Doyle there?”

“That would explain why he’s after them.”

“Even his prison is off the grid.”

“All we know is that he was never married, had multiple residences, and was arrested at his Tuscan villa.”

“There’s paperwork to back that up?”

Yup. And she might be connected through Lauren Reynolds and then they’re fucked.

“Prentiss, did you hear from your European associates?”

“I’m waiting for them to send me a document.”

“We need it now.”

“He’s locked in this hellhole for seven years. How did he get out?”

“Does it really matter?”

Kinda, yeah.

“Doyle was in Kwan-Li-So?”

Need-to-know basis ... okay, wasn’t Prentiss on that basis??

“You didn’t think I needed to know that?”

“You don’t get to decide what’s good for me anymore. What else aren’t you telling me?”

“You said he was in Russia.”

“Tsia?”

“Get him off the phone.”

“Tsia.”

He just said ‘bloody hell’. XD

“You can’t trust him.”

“You have to get out of there right now. You are safer on your own.”

“Do you remember 9th street? Corelli’s. How the door works?”

“He’s still there. You will be in and out in five minutes.”

“Do not let Clyde follow you.”

“And, Tsia, be careful.”

He makes me smile, even though he’s an ass. That is one talented thing.

“Hey, what’s that?”

“Uh, oh, this is the only lead I have so far.”

“What about you?”

“Seaver said you were looking for photos of, uh, Doyle’s Tuscan villa?”

“I couldn’t find any stills from the day he was arrested, but there may be some surveillance footage from the Sedans. They generally record everything.”

“Yeah?”

Uh-oh. She’s in deep shit. I just seriously hope they manage to sort everything out and put Doyle down. Because this is getting ridiculous.

“You get a document from your contact?”

“Bank accounts traceable to our first two victims.”

“We might be able to match the rest of those faces.”

“The journalist is eating out of my hand. He had no idea I was promising him a full-fledged manhunt.”

“It’s way more than that. I’ve counted reps from five agencies.”

“Oh, I love me a multi-agency taskforcing, and on our turf. It gets my blood up.”

She and I are birds of a feather, I swear.

“When are we going to get started?”

“Oh, he’s drawing up the battle plan with the troops.”

“What’s holding us up?”

“We’re waiting for somebody from DC Metro Police, then we can start.”

“What makes you think he won’t get out of the district?”

“It’s the best we’ve got so far.”

“Metro got held up.”

“Doyle?”

“Vic’s apartment looks like a black market forger.”

“The other victim?”

“A woman, 30s, no ID, outside the door.”

“I’m coming with you.”

Oh shit. Tsia.

“One straight to the forehead. The holes were made by a 45.”

“So she comes to the door, and he shoots her. She didn’t stand a chance.”

“This has to be the work of our guy. ”She might be on our list. We should run her prints.”

“I need some air.”

Oh my darling honey, I’d be sick to my stomach too if someone I knew was murdered so brutally.

“What did you do, pull a whiskey Pete’s?”

A what now?

“Uh, I don’t know what that means. But if it involves getting vomit on your boots, then yeah, I’m guilty.”

“You need a soda?”

“What can I do?”

“I live ten minutes from here. Can we just swing by?”

“’Cause I think I got it on my pants, too.”

“Hotch wants us to get back.”

“I know. I’ll be really quick, I promise.”

“Okay.”

Oh my fucking god, she is getting ready to bolt. My poor honey.

“It’s not often that we know a subject’s name, and in this case, knowing Ian Doyle’s identity doesn’t give us very much. He’s known to select few, and those who know him well either work beside him or they’re on his list.”

“Two or three of his victims worked for CWS and were responsible for his transport to North Korea.”

“We’ll find Doyle the way we find any other offender. By studying his behavior. We’ll dissect his every move since he regained his freedom.”

“When he escaped from North Korea, he killed a man and he used his vehicle to cross the border into Russia.”

“You good?”

“I’m good.”

Dorothy Dix: “Confession is always weakness. The grave soul keeps its own secrets and takes its own punishment in silence.”

Oh my fucking god. I am seriously pissed here, not because of Emily, I have long forgiven her erratic behavior towards my honeys. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still defensive about any slight towards my honeys, but I get it. Now, I’m going to leave it here. Because I have to find out what happens next, and my tingling spidey-CM-sense are telling me it’s gonna be a whopper. And I’m still not sure if that’s good or bad.

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s03e12 3rd Life review - or more aptly named, why you gotta be so mean?

Episode 12 – 3rd Life

Good morning everyone! Well, I have no idea what time it will be where you are, but it’s morning now, I’m here with the one coffee blend that kicks in the awakedness in me, so who cares, right?

All right, let’s see what happens.

Oh fuck! That his horrifying! Why start this episode like that? FUCK YOU!

Daisy Bates: “No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies.” Hey, that’s not nice, Daisy. I like your name, but that ain’t nice.

Shit. This is messed up and I don’t like it one bit.

Hey! It’s Yellow Eyes from Supernatural! Hey, baby!

Oh god, just get this scene out of here. It’s too early for this grossness.

That is one scary shot of Joe. Lol.

“Garcia.”

“Hey, angelfish.”

“Right back at ya.”

CUTIES!

Oh god, why is Morgan asking baby girl to do this? She has to listen to that girl’s last moments. Fuck. the poor thing.

Why isn’t the coffee working yet????

Oh god, Derek’s face like, I don’t like this, Hotch, someone do something.

Oh dear god. They actually played the recording to the parents. Fuck.

Shit. So it is Katie. And poor Bruce is in denial. Poor thing.

Oh Emily, I love your wild child faze.

Wait what? So Emily is such a genius she’s assuming they knew the abductor? Fuck.

Wait hold up. Lindsey is played by Joe’s daughter? Oh fuck, that must have been hard. ;lol. Imagine having to walk in on your daughter acting like she’s being tortured. Fuck.

“No J.T. posters.” Oh my god, I’m dying. I never thought I’d hear Shemar saying this.

Holy shit.

Did I just hear Shemar saying ‘cuddly toys’? Say that again, but this time, give me sultry.

Wait. Why is baby girl calling poodle?

Wait. Hold up. So my baby girl is such a genius, she stalked Katie’s vlog and ended up finding out that the story that Lindsey sold to everyone was ripped from this book? Fuck. how come her dad didn’t say anything? She even took her name from that. Meaning her name might not even be Lindsey.

“Lindsey doesn’t like computers.” Right.

“Cool.” Oh my god, my poodle is so cute!

Hey! Hey! Chillax! Okay? David is a bit of a hothead, but it’s true. Lindsey was very calm and trying to calm Katie down, but that doesn’t mean that her daddy was sexually abusing her! Come on!

My two puppies with guns. Oh boy.

Wait. Jack and Lindsey are in Witness Protection? FUCK.

That’s Joe’s daughter? Oh she’s good. And she looks so much like her daddy! Hi, cutie!

Well, I say ‘cutie’, she’s older than me XD

“Jack, every person in his room, with the exception of him (indicating the States’ Marshall), is here for your daughter.” LOL oh Hotch. I love you. He’s like, don’t trust him, trust me. And I’m like hearing Sterling Holloway’s voice going ‘Trust in me’. I’m awful.

He’s being haunted by Irish-Americans? Damn.

“Then enlighten me or stay out of my way.”

FUCK. I’m scared of Hotch now.

Oh god. I love Garcia so much. She’s trying to make herself feel better, so she’s listening to Katie singing ‘Umbrella’ by Rihanna, and then Hotch is calling, and she’s like, shit, let’s mute this thing fast.

“I’ve interviewed hundreds of killers. All types of crazy motives for doing what they did. They all shared one thing in common. All of them. It’s in their eyes.”

“Until what they hold most precious is gone. And then they’re lost. Just like the rest of us.”

Wait. Hold up. Did Hotch just humanize those crazy ass wackos? DAMN.

Is Lindsey seriously talking to the faucet? Well, I do that, too. But in my head. But I guess she has to vocalize it for the camera.

That kid sounds fucked up. Shit.

So Jack used to work for the mob. Damn.

So the fuckers are local. Meaning, it has nothing to do with Jack. Cool.

I mean, not cool, but still.

Wait. There’s two of them? Shit.

What’s the Ice Database?

Here’s some hot Shemar photos

And here’s fucking Emily kicking down a door like a BAMF! I love you, girl!

The poor fucker. Stabbed three times and just left there to bleed out. Fuck.

Wait. He was part of it? Shit.

“All this, Jack, it’s karma, for what you did to all those people.” REALLY? THAT IS SO MESSED UP! HIS DAUGHTER DIDN’T FUCKING DESERVE THIS! BULLSHIT, ASSHOLE!

“More.”

You perfect genius, you, get them.

“Jinkies.” Oh god, I love this woman.

Hey! This is the hot guy from “New York Minute”! you know, the movie with Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen. Ahhh! He’s the killer? Shit! Why? Why do this to me???.

WHY IS THE COFFEE NOT WORKING?

Also, people need to stop cooking on holiday mornings, cuz I’m working today and I’m not in the mood to cook. WHAT IS WRONG WITH CEREAL THAT YOU HAVE TO COOK?

Sorry, I have a very strong sense of smell and any smell of delicious food triggers me.

Aww, Garcia trying to comb through every piece of video, you go, lady.

“Where are you, you son of a bitch?” WHOA! Easy on the language, goddess.

Wait. So Bruce fucking lied to the FBI about not knowing Doug? Oh god. No. don’t tell me that he wants Jack to help him kill those assholes? I mean, I get it, I would’ve done that too if they had done something to my kids (if I had any, still waiting on Shemar for that one), but come on! Do you really want to go to jail for killing a minor and a douche?

SHIT.

Jack Vaughn made a run for it to kill those fuckers.

Shit.

Oh shit! He just shot a fucking kid in the leg! FUCK!

Hotch is all, Reid, puppy, just get to the fucking point.

Oh god. Lindsey is just provoking the fucker. Stop, girl. Stop.

Look at that floppy hair!

Daddy to the rescue!

What???? Lindsey is encouraging him to kill him? FUCK!

Poodle with a gun. Oops.

OH FUCK!

He actually killed the fucker. Shit.

My poodle is in shock. Oh honey.

William Shakespeare: “It is a wise father who knows his own child.” So true.

Aww, they’re starting anew. Nice.

One last hot photo of Shemar to round this one  up:

 Okay, so this episode was awful. I just didn’t like it at all. Not enough humor, too much awful stuff going on. Just didn’t like it at all. Poodle was featured heavily, which was cute. And Joe’s daughter is a good actress! Hated that Riley Smith played the unsub in this one, it was seriously a damper on my hot vision of him in “New York Minute” but … fine.

I hope next time will be good.

See you all next time, lovelies <3